#esp trying to make them small like this
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zippleback heart!!!!!
#barf and belch are so hard to draw.......#esp trying to make them small like this#it's why i'd held off on drawing them :'))#httyd#dragons off the coast au#httyd fanart#ruffnut thorston#tuffnut thorston#barf and belch#httyd modern au#🌹 art#glad to finally have this done tho :')))#i love them all soooo much#also basically now me drawing the gang at 14-15 in their uniforms with their dragons is becoming a silly little series i'm realizing#so snotlout & fishlegs are lef#left
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starting to kind of date someone right before christmas is so stressful fr. do i get him a gift or what we've been on two dates but i'm seeing him tonight n it's christmas eve.....but what if he didn't get me anything then it will be weird.....
#i planned to try to find something small enough that i could easily carry around concealed then take it out if he got something for me#but the thing i got ened up being a bit too big for that lol#im gonna bring a big bag of gifts for all my friends maybe and then it won't be weird idk#by some miracle my mom showed me a bag of emergency gifts for the girlies and i was like cool im taking all of them tonight 😂#which was not what she intended lol#but im gonna do it#if i had time i would have gotten him something different but its good enough#he mentioned a book he hadn't read last night so would have been cool the got him that but its too late its a music hat now#if he even got me anything idk#but he specifically told me he was last minute christmas shopping so idk#i am over analyzing this for sure tho#anyway most unrealistic part of christmas romance movies is they're not anxious wondering whether to gift or not to gift#also im lowkey scared abt new years 😳#not that i wouldn't like to kiss him probably but i already have a hard time looking at him without blushing 😂#so that would make it 10000x worse lmao#also idk if i want to kiss him JUST bc its new years instead of waiting for the right moment to just happen? idk i dont wanna rush things#its not for sure we'll be together at midnight on new years idk what his plans are#but we'll see#anyway things are going well but moving faster than expected 😅#also not 100% sure i'm seeing him tonight and def not tomorrow so that might take the gift pressure off but idk#waiting to hear back abt tonight#😐😐😐#also idk why we waited until we were both on break from work to do stuff bc honestly every time we've met it's been after work hours anyway#however it allows us to stay up later than on work nights which is nice#he didn't leave my house until after 11 last night lol#anyway trying hard not to get swept up in all this while its new but fr im like oh this is what it's supposed to feel like 🥺#never been in love before every relationship i've had was awk and forced was starting to think maybe im just not capable of love#but literally cuddling on the couch watching it's a wonderful life last night i was like hm i'm definitely capable of love actually#not saying im actually there yet but it would be soooo easy to fall for this guy which is p scary actually#esp bc im not sure it would work for other reasons
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It's always a bit heartbreaking when you find that your authentic, unmasked self isn't as palatable to others compared to your masked persona, especially when it's friends and loved ones that assured you that they enjoy and love you as you are.
#cherry rambles#adhd things#nd things#neurodivergency#just stuck in my head a bit too far#i know i can be a lot at times#i wouldnt expect anyone to enjoy every part of myself all the time#its normal to get annoyed by things or be irked#you dont have to like 100% of someone thats unrealistic tbh#but the specific realisation that people enjoy your masked self more than your unmasked self#esp for me who struggles with social cues and social norms bc i am in general a very chaotic and outspoken person#i ALWAYS “warn” people the kind of person i /could/ be outside my mask#for those i start to get closer to#they always say “its ok you can be yourself around me dont hold back”#and then i try unmasking and its Too Much for them#and i get it#i know im a lot#but being told its a safe space to unmask but then seeing them kinda regret it#kinda hurts a lot#like i told you in advance the kind of person i can be#i understand not everything is “palatable”#but to then see people i thought of as close friends start to distance themselves after i start unmasking hurts#like it proves a point in the worst way#that people cant tolerate my unmasked self#they can only “tolerate” me in “small doses”#which of course makes me less willing to unmask in the future#aflahdoab head thoughts are being terrible rn
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everyday i face the question as to whether or not i should make my own inumaki smau
#i love smaus#like that is the main form of jjk content i consume#but my heart aches knowing there are NO inumaki smaus#like a series devoted entirely to THE toge inumaki#dont get me wrong i love consuming content no matter what creative paths the authors take#i will eat it all up#i love seeing people make stuff and put it out-esp when u can tell the author really cared ab it and put sm work and effort into it#but the number is so small that ive either read them already or they were discontinued/havent been updated in forever#none that ive found anyway#taking toge smau recs🫶#but anyways i sometimes think about making an inumaki toge smau#but i haven’t thought about how i would do it or what the plot would be yet#if you have any suggestions#or ideas#or if youd be interested in a new inumaki smau#lmkkk#i think it would be a really fun thing to do#i cant really promise regular updates since i AM a student and i tend to get very busy#but i think i’d wanna try at least once#toge inumaki#inumaki toge#inumaki smau#toge smau#toge inumaki smau#jjk smau#jujutsu kaisen#jjk inumaki#toge inumaki x reader#inumaki x reader#CC‼️
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you know if you guys voted for stretch armstrong i probably would have shut up a lot sooner tonight
#so really this is all your fault /lh /j#i love thinking about h2o tho so im happy#VERY FUCKING TIRED THO WISH I COULD SLEEP#i think my brain is kicking into overdrive after being filled with cotton the past 3 days which. hey im glad ur back bud#CAN YOU SHUT UP NOW I NEED REST#i was just thinking because im probably not posting that essay i will summarize here (i saw#that privating it made it lose like 4 recently edited paragraphs and i don't want to type all that out again my memory isn't good enough)#it just boiled down to the pods basically making a self fulfilling prophecy by orphaning their sons and making them increasingly#desperate for connections to other people like them which is why i think erik behaves the way he does esp when ondina is around#like i am not excusing his actions in the slightest dont get me wrong here he really fucked up BUT#his last conversation with ondina before he goes to the chamber kind of sold that idea to me#how he scoffs at her saying rita says it's dangerous because she's 'old school' and of COURSE old school mermaids think all mermen are evil#and then starts adding on how he wants to do this for HER and get her home back for her by controlling it#like a bit of an add-on at the end to try and convince her#i think what he really wants is to be hailed as a hero. you know. validation and acceptance from the ppl who originally abandoned him#the OGs who made him feel like an outsider. the ppl who ripped everything away from him just bc of the way he was born (which is prob why#when he's trying to convince zac to help him he keeps bringing up their ancestors bc that's what unifies them)#i don't think he's an evil dude per se i think he thought stealing the trident stone from rita's grotto would be small peanuts in the past#once he finally got the pod to come home bc he genuinely (mistakenly) believed he COULD control the power of the chamber#i also think that's why the camera keeps focusing on his face when he's watching the others panic over#zac's sacrifice and i think he is feeling jealousy bc they are paying attention to him and not Erik#like that's not the face of someone who deeply regrets what they just did. my guy is just sitting there like 'that should be me rn'#i think that is why he also sounds so desperate to make things right with ondina afterwards. iirc he's just like 'wait no we can start ove#RIGHT?' and she's like 'uhhhh... no??????' (valid). my dude is lonely as fuck and he finally found a group of ppl like him and he messed up#big time just trying to get their attention and affection bc he couldn't just be normal abt it he had to go big or go home#like i kind of feel bad for him in a way#but i feel bad for everyone#i felt bad for denman the other day! that's how bad this is getting!!#i mean come on imagine making the scientific discovery of a LIFETIME only for all that shit to happen in a row#especially after you get your comeback. they just go right back to fucking you over again
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i held a man’s hand today
#this has been in my drafts since the 10th so please forgive me on the late update i’ve been Busy ™️#it all started on the weekend FG dropped me off at my choir performance for school and i’d been running around all day so i was all 😵💫 tryi#to do everything in a timely manner and he was such a big help driving me around everywhere and stuff so sweet 🥰 and as i was outside the#theatre he was handing me something? i can’t even remember rn and he was like you’re going to do great all that good pep talk stuff and as i#was reaching for what he had in his hand i kinda just kept my hand there and he did too but i had to go so i just left and then he picked me#up after and that was that and then on sunday we we hanging out and i just went out and said it bc ya girl is no coward 😤 i said “i wanted#to do something yesterday’ and he said “’ok?’ and i was like i wanted to hold your hand and he asked why didn’t you? ‘bc i was nervy 😣’ and#then after some back and forth small joking he just took my hand and we held them in silence for a bit and i was explaining how im in my#head a lot and i’m really trying to not do that anymore esp with him and he was rubbing 👏🏾 my 👏🏾 hand 👏🏾 with 👏🏾 his 👏🏾 THUMB 👏🏾#LIKE ANSJDKKFKFKFKLLDJCNCNJDJENNXXJJD#you see normally that makes me reeeallllyyt ticklish but it was so soothing i could’ve fell asleep right then and there i promise you and he#was so gentle with his voice and omgoodness this man#so then i had to go and he was like yk you’re going to have to let go bc there’s no way im letting go 😭😳🙄 LIKE SIR#but ya that’s the latest update 🫣#mutuals my beloved <3#vk overshares in the tags#friendly giant ™️#fg
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uniquely annoying aspect of the thanksgiving holidays reliance and association with food is when you have extremely bad issues abt food that ur working thru but its going slowly and you cant eat most of the food offered and u try to be polite abt it but everyone thinks ur fucking rude for making your own food that you brought even though its not taking anyone elses time energy or money but yours
#i hope this makes any sort of sense#i wish i could be someone that could eat all kinds of food bc so much sounds good to me#but trying anything outside my extremely small comfort zone makes me literally nauseous and not in a good way#thanksgiving always makes me feel Bad about something that it really feels like i cant control no matter how hard i want to and try to#esp when it comes to other ppl because then it feels like youre making other people mad for doing smth that feels like shouldnt affect them#idk. im trying to branch out more but its rlly hard. next year i might do a thing like trying to expose myself to one new thing a week#or smth#if anyone has any advice abt this id love to hear it but it feels liek s rlly specific personal problem LOL#lycan howls
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I wish tumblr was. Easier
#it just feels very. hard to kinda get things going sometimes#mostly its pretty easy on kurt but i can not emphasize enough that my other blogs are not inactive bc i dont want to do things#i log on to every blog i have every day and i try to reach out to people but. really only a small handful interact#and that handful follows me everywhere and is always trying and thats very nice!! i appreciate it a LOT!!!#but when a blog is at over 100 followers and u struggle to get more than 5 people to talk to you its. discouraging#esp bc so many people will also just. not read a single thing ab ur muse#there are people who have approached me who didn't know jason had powers. when that is. plastered everywhere#and that also happened when he had the url expheiriment and his graphics were entirely fire themed#like idk i have so many muses that i love and i try so hard with but no ones as excited as i am#and thats fine i dont expect them to get excited ab every muse its just. idk it feels like so much work to go on my other blogs#bc i show up and try to get interactions and a couple people send memes in but those memes wont always lead to more#i keep going to multimuse blogs so that i dont. have so many blogs that are ignored and i can tell myself im active and people care but#its usually only the same handful of muses that people care about#so ill make a solo blog for a passion muse but they're not one of the ones people were there for so it goes nowhere#idk im just. im very tired of tumblr but i dont want to leave you know#i just. idk i want to feel more like this is a fun little hobby and i can enjoy it but i dont. know how to do that#negative cw
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there’s been like, one (1️⃣) person on my feed who has given me nemu/unami content for me to consume and genuinely bless them bro lmao 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
#this is vee speaking#my preferred chuuoku ship is otome and ichijiku since i think ichijiku privately being down bad for her little old tyrant is adorable lol#(they are so close to being old lady yuri!!!!!!!!! so close!!!!!!!! 😭😭😭🙏)#and i think ichijiku and samatoki waging war behind nemu’s back over big sibling rights is my ideal dynamic for them lmao#BUT NEMU AND UNAMI??????? ESP MY OFFICIAL OC VERSION OF UNAMI LMAO OH I DEF CAN MAKE THAT WORK#like MY unami is a fashion youtuber of decent fame#and nemu who’s fashion taste is more practical than fashionable stumbles upon unami’s channel after ichijiku laments to her about her style#and nemu thinks it’s so cool unami can dress that cute while being on a budget lol so nemu is a loyal follower and fan#and thinks it’s kind of a small world when she sees guest appearances from ichiro and kuukou lol#once nemu rekindles her friendship with ichiro he sets her up to meet unami since she’s a fan#unami is taken aback by how gorgeous nemu is lol and nemu is trying not to die meeting her favorite ytber lol#unami kinda wants to get nemu on her channel too but it’s kinda weird to have a government official on her yt lmao but they exchange numbers#start texting each other 😳 hanging out when they aren’t busy 😳😳😳 maybe……..??? 🫣🫣🫣#lol i bet a double date between ichikuu and nemunami would be fun lol
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im also physically incapable of not giving my characters bangs and theres a 75% chance theyll cover their eyes bc i find that very cutesy but i fucking. when im drawing Worlds worst friend group i cant have them be like. 3 girlthangs with bangs covering their eyes and then a DOG (actually a demon). so i try 2 give sanctity shorter bangs but it still looks sort of samey and lu and avarice have similar hair textures so them both having bangs in general it gets too samey. so ive started giving avarice a middle part bc also i like seeing her eyes BUT i also drew her eith long bangs 4 so long the middle part feels fake. so
#and the dog idek what kind of dawg he is. he isnt even rly a dog and he doesnt have a name#but idk hes either like a german shepherd or EL WAWA 📣📣📣📣📣📣📣#EL WAWA SWEEP!!!#i am trying not 2 make him el wawa bc i think demon chihuahua is like overdone. it isnt i cant name one#but eith all the stuff abt how eeeeevil small dogs r. i think itd be cool to have demon dog guy be like. idk. a labrador or something#+ that would fit with sanctity since shes all like. well you know..#sanctitys whole thing is being like. perfect und everything. even tho she actually ISNT and she just has her whole demon thang#where shes like yes hehe. This is my dad we are suchh a happy family ^-^ <- killed her dad and her 'dad' is literally the demon cosplaying#shes so funny to me. esp in contrast to avarice who literally accidentally made a demon deal. and doesnt even know abt it#i keep playing around eith their like first meeting where sanctitys like o_o umm theres only room for ONE demon contract holder at#this school 😡 and avarice is like. what on earth are you talking about#i think theyre aeeesome im glad i decided to make them like. well not rly friends. avarice is very like performatively edgy#so shes like tch.. popular girl 🙄 idc what u think... whatever... tch... but shes also more genuine than sanctity is. she contains#multitudes...#and sanctitys whole thang is like. well she literally killed her dad to deal with a demon. to be a popular girl#so yk.. whatever#i also whenever i talk abt them make thangs up on the spot bc im bad st thinking. so i jusr rotate them rly hard
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just realised that as far as i recall it hwu mc doesn’t cry at any point in hunts date quests and i think this is the biggest evidence of them being weird. not that people who don’t cry are weird but hwu mc specifically is very weird for not crying
#pixelberry leaned on so hard on mc pursuing hunt so He wouldn’t be a creep. that not only it made mc a creep but just…#badly written as a person. that’s not a reason person lmaooooo#real*#they get nervous and like. sad i guess at some points but those are underwhelming reactions to what is going on in their life. when they ar#Not a person with small emotions. they are reckless and selfish and entitled#like mc is blackmailed by bianca and they uh. don’t get super fucking worried about potentially destroying hunts life and career??#they try to fight bianca and go against her wishes which is just so. immature and NOT how you would act in this situation esp if you Care#about the person you are dating? if you see how SERIOUS this entire situation is? if you are aware of how fucked up is for a prof and a#student to date? lmao. it’s not a joke man#okay i guess the problem is not even them not crying is that their reactions don’t match what’s going on. this is not a emotionally stable#person. they are not mature. for gods sake they bought a ticket and stalked their professor to a masquerade ball and kissed him under false#pretences. and i know i just said they react weirdly to bianca’s blackmail but what i mean is that it’s. inconsistent#and also lmaoooo hunt is being extremely mean to them and like they Deserve it but at the same time they don’t even bat an eye?#i guess they’re too delusional for that but come on it must hurt a littleee#at the end of date auction when hunt leaves they’re like well that’s life without thomas hunt :( and i’m like man. idk. i think this#should’ve gone differently#i don’t know these quests always read as if mc Was Right All Along and that justifies their behaviour which is weird but also. because mc#‘was right all along’ they also didn’t put effort into making mc react like a real person. since they were so convicted. and Correct#so like hunt being mean to them doesn’t hurt them because he’s just masking his feelings. and because mc is Correct this is True. and also#means they wouldn’t be hurt by it since he doesn’t mean it. which is not how human beings fucking WORK#actually a person like mc Should be really hurt because they’re entitled have no regards for peoples feelings and think they’re correct#okay about the inconsistency. they want mc to be super mature so it makes sense why hunt would date this person but that makes mc ooc and…#weirdly calm about everything. and then at the same time they need/want mc to do things that a mature person would not do to move the plot#this is rambly i’ve just been thinking ahout this lately because there’s a line in first date that really pisses me off
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was trying to figure out why the hr guy lied abt why i was being fired and i just realized its bc it's illegal to fire me for asking for a reasonable accommodation for a disability or medical condition lol
#i could file an eeoc complaint and sue themmm but that sounds like a hassle#i even have in writing the request to change to part time due to my health#but im sure it would be a huge pain and go nowhere and its a small town as well i dont want to make problems#esp since im starting my own business right down the road#also the owner is a multimillionaire and would sue me to oblivion for defamation or something probably#but i will wait a month or two so they dont know its me and write them a bad google review 😌#bc their product quality sucks and they overcharge for disgusting moldy plants after they pay us shit to pick off the moldy leaves and ship#i spent all week picking thru gross moldy mealy bug infested plants trying to find ones that looked ok (after removing gross leaves) to ship#for $76 a tray!!#and for a slightly dif version of the plant each gross plug is like six dollars#and they come in trays of 51 i believe#they also do this with the edible plants btw#last week i was picking out the slimy moldy leaves of the basil so they could ship it to be distributed to every hannafords in the region 🤢#anyway their quality is so so awful and gross the owner is only rich bc he was born rich#despite his self made man backstory that he completely made up lol#i wanna namedrop them but i dont want to get sued#dont buy basil at hannafords if you live in new england tho
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the fact that most of the kpop stans who crossed over to pro wrestling on tumblr are usually my most disliked type of people in both fandoms probably says a lot of rather unpleasant things about myself but then i guess its best for me to just play in my own corner and hopefully someone with the same mindset will come along
#wait erase i thought you left kpop? ehhh its complicated#i like the music#but the scene's gotten oversaturated and every group seems like its doing the same thing. esp for the boys#okay! comeback in designer clothes and dark concepts that are really just mugging the camera in a parking lot basement#no unique set designs. more emphasis on acrobatic dances and high note adlibs instead of creating a cohesive and memorable performance/musi#if their comeback had a storyline its a bts timeloop plot ripoff#and no one is doing jackass shenanigans in their reality tv shows anymore#just pure fanservice of the guys sleeping and eating and acting cute and blatant stage gay#more and more reliance on fostering devotion from a small niche of a fandom and making them rabid and anti criticism instead of#trying to have mainstream appeal like the early kpop gens#i like kpop but not its current iteration
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aime tachi plot: everything has to make sense, there are rules for the story even tho its self indulgent, yadda yadda, character development, progression consistency
dreamdom hearts plot: anyways the dream works au versions of fe characters and my oc recruit enjoyable single dw villains to go have slightly creepypasta shenanigans with a presumably dead oc
#honestly i love them both#and yes ive got basically nothing on dreamdom lol#it was like an 'airplane thought' and i didnt realize how small the amt of d w movies im attached to is (or how many things d isney#technically owns)#i think its partly that the d w stuff im way more attached to but theres less of it (shrek my beloved. k f p is absolutely amazing and r ot#g is beautiful. cp un is also just my heckinc childhood even if im not attached as much- more the books lol) but theres just more d stuff t#flesh out teh au#i do think if i am ever assed to it wuld be baller to actually write dreamdom bc its hilarious and weird#and i love the thus spoke rohan/creepy pasta vibes of the tone that i have the idea for#i feel like this quartet does more hecked up stuff. like theyd go into a world doomed to disappear. like a lostbelt or something#they would watch as the universe unravels around them and only realize later they were in a lostbelt.#which would actually be hecking amazing of a crossover if the bois (tm) got to meet sal or pucca#sal bc hes my fave or pucca bc he has the shrek vibes that senpai also has#like imagine them meeting pucca and everyone- every one of them is charmed by this weirdo.#pucca is playing the fool and entertaining the dying faeries. little by little the squad realizes something is off.#then the world just up and starts dissolving but pucca is still trying to joke around and make people laugh#dm like. grabs him by the throat or something. why are you doing this#and then pucca just laughs again and smiles even tho hes crying and looks scared sh-less.#im a fool arent i? im the servant of the greatest fool of all time. if no one remembers me if no one remembers this it doesnt matter.#just that i made people laugh. just that i was able to keep a good. witty. honest fool in this world till the end.#the squad realize the true gravity of the situation and are forced to watch pucca and everyone else just get. yeeted. esp with the knowledg#that their events will get written over by canon and pucca probably wont even exist.#haha little do they know hes alive and well bc he had that strong bond with mashpotato#also <- this entire tag thread is gonna sound rediciouls in like 5 yrs time and cringe af#unless i remember the deets lol#au ramblings
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#like i definitely need therapy lol#not that i havent tried in the past nothings just worked/stuck like the therapists werent a good fit for me perhaps#so im trying to reach out again because holy shit#i want to a) get out of my phd and b) have normal fucking friendships#but its so hard right now when anxious thoughts take over SO much some days like i know i cannot do this on my own#i have good friends i know who will hear me out#but man its the same thing over and over again with me but in a new font sometimes i swear#and my friends dont need to hear all those anxious depressive thoughts lol like#once in a while sure esp my closer friends but all the time? nawr#i have been trying to journal but man the emotions just bubble up and i dont feel better until ive like said things out loud#so honestly just having someone to rant about the same issues over and over again might be nice lol .#but i need to find a therapist that fits which is the hardest part#i do think ive made small strides on my own which is nice#but the emotions are just so loud and genuinely affect my day to day like its so hard battling things on my own#im at the point now where im like this cant go on for much longer somethings gotta change#if i want to have a phd in the next year and if i want to maintain friendships normally#and esp if i wanna stay roommates with this girlie cuz holy shit its been a lot harder than i expected maybe#i dont think i can do it on my own without major reprecussions#bro its also been like so long#i feel like ive always had some human i was extremely fond of for the past ?? years albeit most of them were like fake right like in the kp#*kpop world so it was fine when it becomes a real person it is absolutely terrible let me tell u .#but its also been a habit like i didnt realize how terrible my thoughts w ys were until now cuz they really wernet normal thoughts at all#like i want to break free of having these kind of attachments to people in a way cuz the only way i feel like ive been able to deal with bi#feelings is by transferring them to a new subject which isnt what i want anymore#like i just want it all to stop!#i also feel like mentally ive gotten worse ?? than before ?? in some ways like#i dont know if i want to make new friends and connections anymore#the same way i was trying so hard in the previous year which is worse bc now my efforts are like#SOLELY on this one girl in a way which is NOT. GOOD.#ive been trying to have conversations with the third roommate but i have to force myself?
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tttthoughts. are being had.
I am BEGGING yall to remember that "gay panic" means "i killed this person because theyre gay so you cant jail me for it" and NOT "UwU too gay to function"
Yall CANNOT reclaim this one please stop trying
#hm. while i have a lot of thoughts i’ll try to concise them#for the most part i don’t see an issue with the word usage esp in small friend groups#that being said we should be aware of the fact that it has happened and is continuing to happen#words can have multiple meanings and i think the one that younger folks (yes i know i’m young too) have given it is sweet (circumstantially)#i don’t think the fandom used meaning lends any validity to the defense. in fact it feels like it takes a lot away#and while it still happens i think there’s a certain charm to… ignoring that in favor of using the term in a fun way#so in short— it sucks. it happens and it fucking sucks. but that’s not a good enough reason to lock the term away and hide the keys because#we are ALREADY doing things that make the terminology seem ridiculous.#ah yes the fandom excuse in court. i hope all the jury laughs at that mf and sentences their ass to life#lighthearted new meanings do not take away the old ones. they just change it for the next generation. for the better.
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