#esp joHN bc he did seem to give a fuck but ..

[cultfic]

random lee dutton things in no particular order:

growing up on the yellowstone alongside rip wheeler and spending most of his time working with him, the two have become best friends.

he owns a flat in the town closest to the dutton estate where he spends most nights. beth is always welcome to stay with him if she wants to escape the ranch; she has a room waiting for her there.

after beth, he's the dutton sibling most affected by their mother's death. as the oldest son, john imposed on lee the notion that he would have to take over the ranch once he was gone. but evelyn always made sure lee knew it was still his choice.

despite this, he's the most upbeat sibling. he smiles a lot.

he's biromantic and bisexual, with a preference for men. only beth knows this.

he survives the bullet wound on the broken rock reservation. refusing to take over management of the ranch, he becomes livestock commissioner and the go - to guy to break wild horses on the yellowstone.

he's closest to beth and most at odds with kayce.

[zablife]

@brummiereader I ran to read the new chapter as soon as I saw it had been posted! And I have to say first and foremost how I cackled when I realized you had used my insult to hurl at Tommy the moment Y/n walks thru the door!! 🤣🤣 I'm beaming with pride!

That entire opening sequence was delightful! I had a grin on my face the entire time as I read all the incredible detail you've included that completely immersed me in this playful scene--Archie's earnestness, the bit about John's poor handwriting, Arthur's newfound love of poetry?, but best of all Tommy's humiliation!!

I LOVED Y/n's entrance! I was chuckling at the brothers' assessment of Tommy's exit route 😂 They knew exactly what was coming! My fave part had to be her taking his cigarette case and throwing it on the floor! I could picture Tommy standing there staring, knowing he was fucked. And the ensuing conversation was so satisfying to hear her tell him off. You did an amazing job portraying her conflicting emotions, esp the bit where she confesses she gave him space when she wanted to be held! 🥺 That was an admission I didn't expect to hear, but def something she would say if she was upset. And I adored the fiery ending when she threatens him with the statue. Such a strong finish!

"Nothings gotten into you, more like what's gotten out of you. Five years worth of pent up anger would drive anyone to the point of wanting to wring my idiot brothers neck" I love Ada! 😍 Aside from Polly, she gives the best advice. And she's so supportive of Y/n here. We should all be lucky enough to have someone like this in our lives!

"I'm afraid this is something a quick fuck down by the cut won't fix. You need to try harder" And she never goes easy on Tommy. Another reason why I adore her! However, I have to agree with Y/n that Harry (or Henry? He was so dull I forgot 🤭) was not the man to take her mind off Tommy.

But it seems Ada had a plan all along with the poor matchmaking and the advice about the wildflowers bc the next meeting between Tommy and Y/n was pure magic! They were finally able to connect in a meaningful way. Tommy is ready to take responsibility for his actions which was pleasantly surprising. (He isn't known for his apologies.) And the discovery of the bouquet with the simple "I'm sorry" (John's advice!!) brought a tear to my eye. Is the old Tommy back? I can't wait to see how things progress in part 7.

PREVIOUS PART

Hopelessly Devoted (PART SIX)

Summary: Tommy has to reluctantly learn a lesson in boundaries after his heated confrontation with you about his foolish plan to get you to talk with him. Will Tommy finally throw in the towel and back down from his relentless refusal to let things play out at their own pace? Or will his stubbornness get the better of him once again?

Warnings: Language, angst, mutual pining, fluff

"Archie?" Polly said quirking a brow as she looked over the documents in her hand at the young boy stood at the betting shop door. " Finn's at school" she added as she turned in her chair, a tight smile gracing the corner of her lips as she beckoned him forward with her hand. " Does your mum know you're here bunking off?" She said removing his peaked cap as Archie looked down at the plate of shortbread next to the steaming cup of tea on Polly's desk. "Go on" she said nodding to them with a smile as his eyes lit up and he reached out for the biggest one on the small porcelain plate.

" Mum said I didn't have to go school today" he replied, mouth half full, his rosy red cheeks nipped by the bitter winter air ballooned with the entirety of the biscuit he had managed to fit in his mouth. "Doing deliveries for Mr Patterson at the flower shop, need the extra money now dad's been sacked by the rail works" he replied wiping his mouth as he looked down at his muddy boots, one missing a shoe lace, the other with a patched up hole on the side. Archie was one of many Small Heath children that had found themselves having to help provide for their families, forgoing education over the necessity to eat. The great war having taken the lives and jobs of many men of Birmingham had also taken the joys of childhood from their children too. Times were hard and sacrifices had to be made. Polly was not one to judge any parents decision to pull their son or daughter out of school, she only wished Archie and those like him had the chance to be children for a little while longer. For what was a summers days without the sound of kids playing outside in the street?

" Go on, have another" she winked as Archie replied with a grin that only deepened his enviable dimples whilst he picked out a second shortbread." Well I know I don't have any secret admirers Archie..." Polly said rubbing one of the rose petals between her fingers within the bouquet of flowers under the small boys arm."...so who's the lucky lady?"

" Mr Shelby" he replied brushing the crumbs of the newly stitched winter coat his mum had lovingly made for him.

" Tommy?" Polly said furrowing her brow as she looked over his shoulder to her nephew sitting at his desk in his office when Arthur and John walked in, slamming the betting shop door behind them. Five minutes peace, that's all she ever prayed for every Sunday at mass. Was it really too much to ask?

" Archie boy!" Arthur's voice boomed as he strode over, rustling the ten year old hair with his large calloused hands. " What you doing here ay? Skiving?" Arthur chuckled as he sat down on the edge of the desk pinching a biscuit from his Aunt, earning him a sharp glare and a irritated huff.

"Working" he replied standing up straight with his chin up. He was one of them now, a grown man or at least he thought he was, his muddy knees and youthful face begged to differ.

" Working ay, good lad" Arthur winked patting his shoulder as he reached for his Aunt's cup of hot tea, earning him a second glare and this time a smack on the back of his hand. No one was too old for a good hiding in Polly's eyes, something her grown nephews had learnt over the years as they continued to test her patience.

" Schools a bloody waste of time anyway Archie" John said turning his toothpick between his lips.

" Yes, a lot of good it did you and your crooked handwriting" Polly quipped back, a small smirk etched on the corner of her mouth as she returned her gaze to the documents on her desk.

" It's called doctors hand writing, alright?" John replied with a scowl on his face.

" Esme tell you that?" Arthur chuckled watching his brothers frustration at being the brunt of his families teasing.

" No it's, it's how doctors write. You know intellects" he replied pointing to the side of his head.

" Aright John boy whatever let's you sleeps at night" Arthur sniggered as he looked down at the bunch of roses in Archie's hand. " Who are these for then?"

" His Royal Highness" Polly said nodding to Tommy's office door as she picked up her now lukewarm cup of tea.

" Tommy ay? Come on then lad, let's not keep Mr Patterson waiting on any more deliveries" Arthur said as Archie nodded his head following him and John into Tommy's office.

"Arthur, John...Archie?" Tommy said, a cigarette hanging from the corner of his mouth as he looked up from his desk, surprised to see his Finn's friend standing in the middle of the room with the bouquet he had picked out for you in his hand. And was that the card he had written for you, torn up? " She erh, she wasn't home? Tommy said clearing his throat as he stubbed his cigarette out, his eyes glaring at the handwritten note between the flowers. It was definitely ripped. Shit.

" She told me to..." Archie said as he looked to John and Arthur stood next to him trying to hold back their amusement. Their poor attempts not enough to stop the small snorts and sniggers they hadn't bothered to muffle from escaping.

"Yes?" Tommy said, his jaw tightening at the sight of his brothers clear enjoyment at the whole situation.

" ...to send them back" Archie said as Arthur John burst into a fit of laughs.

" Bloody hell Tommy, what woman sends flowers back? How many did you give her? John laughed as Arthur let out a loud snort.

" Seven" Archie quickly stated on behalf of him, not realising the further embarrassment it would cause the notorious gangster who had now sunk into his chair, his thumb brushing along his brow as the laughs of his brothers resonated through the betting shop.

" Alright, thanks Archie" Tommy said rubbing his hand down his face as the young boy left, leaving the bouquet of red roses with Arthur with a tip of his peaked cap.

" Seven bouquets ay" Arthur said inspecting them as Tommy looked out the window, his grandiose gesture now looking like a pathetic plea for forgiveness.

" She won't fucking talk to me will she" Tommy said lighting another cigarette as John and Arthur hunched over the table puzzling the pieces of card together you had ripped in a clear message directed at Tommy to fuck off.

" Roses are red, violets are blue..." John laughed before Tommy reached over and grabbed the note before his brother could read any more of his feeble attempt to be romantic.

" Sir Edmund Spense" Arthur said nodding to the card as he leaned against the wall, his thumbs resting in the pockets of his waistcoat.

" You what?" John said his face scrunched up as he turned to look at his eldest brother.

" It's a poem, by Sir Edmund Spense" Arthur sniffed as Tommy and John looked at each other, bewildered by the mere idea Arthur did anything other than beat their enemies within an inch of their let alone read or to be more specific read poems. Even Tommy hadn't scaled through a copious amount of books in order to find the romantic passage, the back of yesterday mornings paper had been enough. " I read" Arthur said as his brothers continued to stare at him, perplexed by what they had just heard." In me spare time"

" You're going soft" John said pointing to his brother as Tommy raised his brows shifting in his seat. " Never put Y/N down for a fan of poems"

" She's not, I was running out of things to say weren't I. Tommy replied looking over to the glass decanter of whisky calling to him. Was it too early to drown his sorrows for the billionth time that week?

" Yeh, wouldn't let her hear you say that" John chuckled placing a new tooth pick between his teeth, the other having been chewed to death by the ribbing he received from Polly and Arthur. "Why don't you just say I dunno, sorry. Like normal people do"

" She's avoiding me John, she won't give me a chance" Tommy replied as he looked out the window wishing himself into next week or better yet, next year. Maybe then you'd be more willing to talk to him.

" Well you're in luck Tom, 'cause here she is. With a face on her like thunder" Arthur smirked, nodding to the glass separating his office and the betting shop floor.

" Where is he, where is the rat bastard?!" You shouted storming through the building not stopping for anyone.

" Oh hell, what's he done now?" Polly said looking above her tea cup as you marched over to her, waving your arms erratically in the air, incoherent rambles leaving your mouth about her seconded born nephew as the three brothers watched on from behind the glass.

" I'd say you've got about five seconds" Arthur said as he looked out the window onto the back of the house.

" Jump and roll, don't land on your feet" John added to Arthur's observation as he peered over his brothers shoulder out the window.

" Else you'll do your knees in, but I reckon that's the least of your worries" Arthur said as he looked over to Tommy brushing his hands through his hair, bracing himself for the bollocking coming his way. "Shit, she's clocked you" Arthur announced turning around as your head snapped in the direction of the three of them. This was more than about the flowers, Tommy knew that. He had pried into your life for a second time. The only thing he could hope for was you didn't know about the first. And with the absence of a lethal weapon in your hand his hopes were optimistically high.

" Thomas fucking Shelby!" You shouted marching through his office, grabbing the flowers from his desk and launching them straight at his head, silently hoping Mr Patterson had left the thorns on. "You bastard! You bloody bastard"

" Look, I know you're angry but let me explain" Tommy said with his hand out as he watched yours clasp around the bronze sculpture of a horse sitting on his desk that was sure to knock him out if you threw it. After having a variety of household items thrown at him in in the past week he knew you wasn't bluffing, your face said it all you were pissed off, really pissed off.

" No I'm not angry Tommy I'm fucking furious!" you said, your face scrunched up in anger as you stared him down, waiting for him to admit what he had done.

" Arthur, John can you...can you give us a minute?" Tommy said as he walked forward only to stop when he saw your grasp on the bronze ornament tighten. " Lads, please" Tommy said gesturing to the door as he watched you in the corner of his eye. Sighing heavily Tommy turned to his desk as his brothers walked out leaving you alone together, leaving him to face yet another stupid idea he was responsible for. "Cigarette?" he offered holding his silver case out for you to take which you did, and then threw on the floor beside you. " Right" Tommy said as he sat down in his chair pinching his bottom lip together as he looked back at you, furious as the the night he had drunkenly embarrassed himself in front of the whole of Watery Lane. "You won't talk to me Y/N" he said lighting his third cigarette in the space of fifteen minutes.

" So you decided to force me to talk to you by sabotaging not one but three potential job offers"

" I didn't sabotage them. I merely informed them that you already had a job here, as my secretary" Tommy replied pointing his finger into his desk.

" But I dont do I Tommy? You fired me, remember?" You scoffed, a scoff you hoped would not only distract him but you from the tears welling in your eyes.

" Sweetheart look, can..." Tommy was about to say when your eyes narrowed in on him and he stopped himself before he infuriated you any more than you already was. " Y/N, can we talk as adults? Sit down without, throwing anything?" he said gesturing to your hand still resting on the statue.

" Are you patronising me?" You replied, your voice going up an octave at his suggestion you were being immature when for the past five years he had been far from mature himself.

" No I'm just...fuck sake, I can't win with you" Tommy replied throwing his hand up in the air as he leaned back into his chair shaking his head.

"No you can't, so stop meddling in my life Tommy. Stop ruining every chance I have to move on"

" And that's what you want? To move on?" Tommy reluctantly asked as he looked back to you, the uncomfortable weight now sitting on his chest making him wish he never asked the question at all.

" Yes" you replied turning your head, unable to face him and the truth that you couldn't and wouldn't ever be able to stop loving him, stop wanting him.

" You're lying Y/N, I could always tell when you're lying" Tommy said as he stood up slowly walking over to you like you would a wild horse.

"You need to let me be, let me move on" you sniffed back as your eyes cast down to the floor. " Isn't that what you've been doing, moving on? I gave you space Tommy, I gave you what you wanted for five years even though it was breaking my heart and all I wanted you to do was hold me in your arms" You said wiping your tears, furious at yourself for letting him see you this way.

"Then let me ey, let me hold you" Tommy said moving closer, his hand reaching out for you. " Sweetheart..."

"Stop calling me that!" You cried brushing his attempts away as you walked past him to his office door. You weren't his sweetheart, you weren't his childhood love, you weren't his girl. It was over, all of it over. " Boundaries Tommy, you need to learn some boundaries. Learn to leave me alone" you said opening his door looking back at the defeat on his face as you recomposed yourself. " And Tommy?" You said turning one last time before shutting the door. " If you call me sweetheart one more time I swear to god you'll find the sharp end of that ugly horse ornament aimed straight at your cock, and this time I promise you, I won't miss" and with that you left, shutting the door behind you as Tommy watched you walk past the glass on the opposite of his office, your head held high as you brushed your hair to one side not giving him a second glance. He had been told off look a naughty school boy, and just like a child he was in for the biggest lesson of his life, patience.

"I wasn't really going to throw it" you said sat beside Ada in the Garrison as she rocked Karl back and forth in his pram. "I mean, I was tempted" you added unable to hold back your laugh as Ada giggled into her glass of gin. " Ada I don't know what's gotten into me. I just want to kill him...all the time. And the worse part is I think he was trying to say sorry, and I didn't let him" you sighed bringing your hand up to your face as you closed your eyes, having recounted what had happened in Tommy's office and everything else in the past month to his younger sister at lightening speed. The rapid pace of your account of events clearly fuelled by the anger still lingering within you.

" Hey" Ada said moving your hand away, her face scrunched up with concern. "Nothings gotten into you, more like what's gotten out of you. Five years worth of pent up anger would drive anyone to the point of wanting to wring my idiot brothers neck" she said as she looked at the bags under your eyes, Tommy always did have a knack for making people feel as sleep deprived and knackered as him. "You've been bottling it up for far too long locked away in that flat.." she said as she raised her brow ready to give you a bitter reality check. "...not living"

" What...I've been living" you scoffed leaning back into your chair as you crossed your arms. " I'm breathing aren't I?"

" Right, tell me then. When's the last time you let your hair down and you know, had some fun?" she replied mirroring your actions, crossed armed ready for whatever lie you had convinced yourself of.

" Well, there's..." you said furrowing your brow trying desperately to think back to the last time you actually laughed, did Arthur's endearing jokes count? " Well I can't, can I? Not with him gallivanting about with god knows who stealing the fun from everyone else" you pouted, resolving to the fact you hadn't had a proper nights out in years.

" If you call moping about day and night complaining about you, then sure he's had as much fun as you" Ada replied taking a grizzly baby Karl out his pram as she lifted her blouse to feed him. " If it bothers you that much then kindly bugger off " Ada said turning to the group of workmen shaking their heads seated a few tables away as they took their glasses and moved to the bar. "And before you even say anything, that barmaid was all for show, he was angry. I'm sorry he picked the worse way possible of showing you babe" Ada said reaching her hand out for you giving it a gentle squeeze. " Why don't I set you up with someone, one of Freddie's friends, for a date" she suggested nudging her arm with yours, a mischievous glint in her eye.

" But Tommy...his your brother..I"

" Y/N stop. You're allowed to go out even if it's just for a bit of fun" She cut you off as she brought Karl up to her shoulder, gently patting his back.

" Ada Thorne, why do I get the feeling you just want me to piss him off" you squinted at her as a smile formed on the corner of your mouth. It wouldn't hurt to give him a taste of his own medicine. You thought to yourself knowing he had his henchman still keeping their eye on you.

" Hm, whatever made you think that?" she winked to you as the Garrison doors blew open and the very man who had been the topic of conversation for the past hour walked in. "Speak of the devil. Here he is, tail between his legs" Ada nodded to the door as she placed Karl back into his pram.

" More like a dog with a bone" you huffed as you turned to see him walking straight for you. God, what did he want now?

" Boundaries" Tommy said standing beside you as you sipped on your drink, crossing one leg over the other.

" Yes and? " you replied bluntly as you diverted your eyes elsewhere, the stained-glass of the Garrison windows for one.

"Well, I need some clarifications" he said as he walked around the table, now directly in front of you. Fuck sake.

" Clarifications, what do you want me to do write you a list?" You scoffed as Tommy carefully considered his reply. A list would make his life easier.

" Y/N, you gotta give me something. What do you want me to do?" he replied with a huff, abandoning the idea of a catalogue of what he could and couldn't do as he placed both of his hands on the table looming over you. Fuck you look tired. Was that his fault too?

" Fuck off Tommy, that's what I want you to do" you said scraping your chair back along the wooden floorboards as you got up and left the Garrison, leaving him for a second time that day clueless on what to do next.

"Oh Tommy, you won't be able to bring her around with your charm this time. I'm afraid this is something a quick fuck down by the cut won't fix. You need to try harder" Ada said as she stood up putting her coat on.

" I'm trying Ada, but she'll barely talk to me"

" Yeh I heard about your attempts to win her back. Seven bouquets of flowers, her place looked like a bloody graveyard Tommy, hardly romantic" she said rolling her eyes as she turned the pram to the door.

" How was I supposed to know she didn't like flowers any more?" Tommy huffed as he followed his sister out the Garrison. Maybe Ada knew something he didn't that would win you back...he hoped.

" You know Y/N better than anyone Tommy, you must have known she wouldn't have liked that tacky show of wealth. And don't even get me started on your attempts to get her attention" Ada said struggling to push the pram through the thick mud and dirt of Small Heath. " Do you not remember the flowers you used to pick her and how long you'd spend doing it?" Ada stopped, looking up at her brother as the realisation finally hit him. That over the top plea of forgiveness may have cost him a day's wages but only now did he realise how it must have come across. A cop out. And as Ada so rightfully said, tacky." She didn't fall in love with this Tommy, the Tommy that has to show everyone his worth, his status. She fell in love with this one" she said pulling out the gold pocket watch you had gifted him ten years ago from within his waistcoat that had been back in its rightful place for over a week. " Stop being the worst version of yourself and show her who's she been missing, who she fell in love with. And for the love of god stop being a bloody idiot" she said before turning onto watery lane as a glimmer of a smile played on the corner of Tommy's lips at his sister brutal but well-deserved parting words.

How many more people was it going to take before he let his stubbornness slide and took their advice. It would admittedly be the hardest thing he had ever had to do, no doubt driving him mad in the process. Tommy thought to himself deciding to call of his men from keeping an eye on you or as he corrected anyone who dared to challenge him on the matter, keeping you safe. If he was going to do this he would do it the correct way, without the grand displays or need of theatrics. For the first time in a long time Tommy was going let things play out at their own pace, relenting all control over the situation his was so desperate to resolve.

Tea why did you offer him a tea? You thought to yourself climbing the stairs with the friend of Freddie's Ada had set you up with. The evening had been a disaster. Henry, your date, had spent the entirety of the night talking about his one and only passion politics, something you had little to zero interest in. Opening the door to your place you mentally reminded yourself to have words with Ada about the complete bore she had set you up with and clarification as to what she considered a good night out, because this certainly wasn't it.

" Nice place" he said entering your small bedsit. Was he joking? It was the pokiest flat in Small Heath, nothing worked and you was pretty sure a small family of mice had moved in and made it their life's mission to steal any form of food you left out for more than five minutes.

" Thank you" you said gesturing for him to sit at the small table by your window as you turned to make the tea you was reluctantly going to have to prepare whether you wanted to or not. Desperate to get him to leave and as quick as possible you decided to forgo boiling any water and instead planned on making him the coldest brew of tea known to man. That would do the trick, wouldn't it? " Here" you said placing the small mug in front of him as your mind wandered to what had really been occupying your thoughts all evening. Tommy.

" That was quick" he replied scrunching his brow as he looked into the murky water, a few tea leaves floating on the top. "You not having one?"

" Oh no, not a fan of...that " you said twiddling your thumbs on your lap as you looked at the less than delightful concoction you had created.

" Did you even boil.." he started to say causing your cheeks to turn bright red as your brain scrambled to come up with an excuse when, as if you had been saved by a higher power there was a knock at that door.

" Excuse me" you said walking away, grateful for the opportunity to leave any further interrogations about your tea making skills. "Tommy..."

" Hey" he replied softly, a smile appearing on the corner of his mouth as you opened your front door. " You've company" he said clearing his throat looking over your shoulder to see a man sitting at your kitchen table as he threw the small posy of flowers he had been holding behind his back along the outer wall of your bedsit.

" Tommy, I mean Mr Shelby. I...I thought you two weren't erhh" he stumbled, fumbling to grab his coat, abandoning the cold cup of tea he was sure you didn't boil any water for. "Together" he said swallowing harshly as he stood at the door beside you both.

" We're no.." you replied before Tommy cut your off.

"We are" Tommy said moving out of the way of the exit as he gestured for him to leave, irritated by the mere fact he had taken one extra second to do so. With the biggest scoff you could muster you crossed your arms as you stared him down. We are...is that what the past five years had been then, a bump in the road a bloody break?

"Thanks for ruining my date" you said marching over to the cup and throwing it's contents into the sink as Tommy shut the door behind him.

" What with Henry Coggs? Interesting choice for a date. Did he not bore you to death with his political crap?" Tommy chuckled as he watched you potter around your place trying to avoid any conversation with him.

" No, I found it really interesting actually" you lied and badly. " Tommy what do you want? I thought I told you to..."

" Fuck off?" he said sitting on the edge of your table as you stood in front of him.

" Leave me alone" you rephrased as he cocked a brow at your forgetful or intentional lack of memory as to what your actual parting words were to him in the Garrison a few days ago.

" And I have. I wanted to come here and say that you're right that..."

" Oh so you don't have to be a complete drunk to admit when you're wrong" you cut him off, your guard up ready for an argument you was sure would happen.

" You really want to start?"

" Ok then, let's hear what Tommy Shelby has to say? Actually no, forget it. Please leave" you said turning to the door when he grabbed your arm and span you back around to face him.

"Y/N can you just.." Tommy huffed as he tried to keep you in place. " Will you just hear me out?" he added as he placed his hand on your other arm, holding you in front on him. " Please?" He said as you found yourself nodding, stumped for words, slightly taken aback by his willingness to open up. " I..." Tommy said wetting his bottom lip with his tongue, his mouth suddenly going dry. Could he really do this without drinking a whole bottle of whisky beforehand?

" I've been an idiot" he said pausing as you rolled your eyes. Well that was the biggest understatement of the year. You thought to yourself as you turned to walk away again. "I broke my own heart Y/N, you didn't do anything wrong, you never did anything wrong" he said the words you never expected to hear causing you to stop. " I've..shit, I'm fucking this up" he said looking up at the ceiling, shaking his head as his mind uncomfortably replayed all times he had hurt you.

" No you're not, keep going. Please" you said turning around to face him.

"I made your life miserable Y/N, all because I couldn't stand how miserable I'd made my own. Pathetic aren't I ?" he said placing his hand back on your arm his thumb gently rubbing over the soft fabric of your blouse. " I don't expect you to ever forgive me for the five years of hell I put you through, I'd be a fool to think you would. But I need you to know that I regret everything, everything I've ever done that's hurt you, that's made you cry. It's all been my fault darling, I should have never made you think it was yours " he sighed, the words he had been wanting to say for the past week if not the past five years spilling out of him as if they had been patiently waiting there, waiting for him to break down the iron wall he had built around himself. Speechless you stood there, not knowing what to say, what to do as you let his words sink in. This was possibly the first time you had ever heard Tommy admit to anything let alone his own wrongdoings. And yet he had, and as you stood there staring at eachother in silence you finally came to realise what the other had endured, had regretted. The heartache you had both thought was your own had been a heartache shared, one that was now enveloping you both in a warm hug as you finally understood each others pain. " Its getting late I should probably go" he said breaking the silence and the small bubble you had both momentarily found yourselves in. "Goodnight Y/N " Tommy said as he leaned forward pressing a kiss to your cheek, the small embrace feeling the most natural thing for him to do in the moment as his lips lingered on your soft skin for a few seconds longer in hopes you would say something, do something. But you just stood there, his unexpected confession keeping you frozen in place as a rush of emotions that you had pushed to the side for five years came hurtling towards you.

"...night" you managed to coax from your lip's as you turned your head to watch him leave, listening intently to the sound of his heavy footsteps walking down the stairs as you desperately tried to think of something to say. " Tommy wait" you called out as you ran to your door only to see he had was already left, the gate at the bottom of the stairs swinging open and close as a gust of wind blew a scattering of leaves onto the steps below you. Leaning against the door frame you brought your hand up to your head as you closed your eyes, pushing your thumb into the skin between your brows as you cursed yourself for not saying anything in response to his attempts at making amends. Was that all it took? Had you forgiven him already? You thought to yourself as you opened your eyes and looked down at the rickety wooden stairs to see a posy of flowers with a small card buried within them sitting on the weather beaten wood. Wrapping your arms around your body from the cold you sat down beside the small bouquet held together by twine. One, two, three flowers, you smiled as you counted them within the various leaves and foliage. How long had it taken him to find possibly the only three flowers still alive in Small Heath after the deluge of rain and bitter weather the whole of Birmingham had endured for the past month. You thought to yourself knowing exactly who had abandoned them on the steps in front of your home, the small gesture tugging at your memories of times before when Tommy had gone out of his way to do the very same thing. Pulling out the small card your heart skipped a beat, your eyes welling with tears at the two words staring back at you, the two words you never felt you deserved, that you felt worthy of from the very man who had written them.

"I'm sorry"

(Part Seven coming soon!)

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[paradife-loft]

okay, round up of miscellaneous NtN thoughts now that I've finished it. content warning for the usual TLT shit, and also my generally very mixed opinions about the series, and so on.

the whole cow situation and resulting moral outrage is wildly underwhelming to me. eight thousand eye-rolling emoji at everyone in-universe as we speak. like oh no, someone killed a bunch of (iirc raised-for-meat??) cows for an instrumental purpose of keeping some humans alive... come back when the entire species has stopped eating beef and maybe I won't want to kick you for being pea-brained hypocrites.

I need. some kind of explanation to make sense of Nona continually referring to dead!Gideon as "Kiriona Gaia" and Babs!Ianthe as "he", while also being perfectly spot-on accurate when it comes to Cam, Pal, and Pyrrha? like not in the moral sense but in the sense of, "if the latter is about matching the social cues her family gives her, why does that not apply for the former? if it's about her ability to read people's identities from their motion and general physicality, does the body being dead but still inhabited really make that much of a difference, and if so, then still why does she keep being immune to correcting social cues for those two in particular? why is Coronabeth "Crown" and Aim "the Angel?" etc etc"

speaking of which. Aim. Messenger. A(OL) I(nstant) Messenger. lmao.

so Cristabel seems to be two for two in terms of "died via killing herself in service of some greater goal she wanted for another person she cared about, despite them going "no fuck don't do that", huh?"

John and Blood of Eden really are just equal and opposite varieties of insufferable to me, honestly

(John because *gestures at Everything*, and BoE bc 1. similarly pretentious motherfuckers aren't they; 2. that meme of the lady putting boxes up high out of the child's reach and this particular box says "zombies"; 3. look I don't like Judith Deuteros either but that's no excuse for war crimes (if you want advice on quality war crimes to do while fighting a magic society with deities hanging around, please consult one (1) Turyin Mulaghesh Divine Cities trilogy))

I do think the main thing that's interesting to me about the pre-rez chapters, is the way it contrasts... (even immense quantities of) personal power vs the institutional self-sustaining power of capitalism+the state? but/and also... by the point that you're puppeting the (I assume?) president of the United States, could you not figure out how to. spot-remove the trillionaires and take control of their plans in the same way...? I mean. there just seems to be more effective use of the personal power they had, compared to what they actually did. (I'm inclined to put that down to John's bigger emotional motivations being personal aggrandizement & glory, being the one Known to have saved the day, if that's up against truly getting shit done, ngl. see above re: insufferable.)

CamPal fusion made me cry like a baby. it's so..... like the relief and love on Cam's end just hits like a truck; and then at the same time I completely get Nona's distress at "these two specific people I love no longer exist". but idk, to me it's more of a... grief about change than about straight-up loss, if that makes sense? because of the way various Cam and Pal things aren't just flat gone in the way they'd be if they winked out of existence instead of transforming. esp since Palamedes was already very much on borrowed tenuous time.

("Paul" reallllyyyy doesn't do it for me, though. because of, rather than in spite of, the thematic baggage, personally speaking. esp when they could've picked something nice like "Garnet" instead)

I still don't get the other planets in the solar system having rez beasts if the rationale for "planet has a soul" is anything remotely like the explanation John gave back in HtN. like sure, I buy him eating all the people on say, space stations at each one, fine - but a few space stations isn't an ECOSYSTEM??? I just. either the other planets have all been terraformed to some degree (in which case why do we need to go to Tau Ceti?), or else whence comes this planet soul? I'm sorry to be a nitpicker and a "why? why? why?" bird, but it's fundamentally in my nature #scorpionshrug

Ianthe and Corona still living rent-free etc etc but also oh my gooooddddd get a room you two, I cannot deal with the degrading comments in front of everyone else in the same way I can't read fanfic involving public sex OTL

and finally, Nona Is Valid; I Too Would Not Despairingly Kill A Truck Full Of People Because Someone Reminded Me There Was A Dog In The Back. highly relatable a+ content.

[uno-writing]

This is @queer-verse’s ask on ep 250!!🍿🥤🍭🍬🍫🧋🥨🥬🍦🍧🧊🐇🍩🥖📦🌻

!!!!!MAJOR SPOILERS AHEAD!!!!! !!!!!READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!!!!!

Ep 250!

This is prolly mostly gon be in caps warning

- not much to say except

- FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT

- OMG

- IM SURE THE NEXT FEW EPISODES ARE GONNA BE ABOUT THE FIGHT ARSFGVHJN

- John coaching Blyke from the sides? Blyke telling John to get his shit together???? Giving him a pep talk? Plsssssss 😌✋

- blykes improved fr

- like I went back to the turf war episodes

- it might be bc his opponent was less powerful but he took way less damage and dealt a lot more of it in a shorter period of time

- his strat isn't just attack dodge go in head first

- ofc John played a part in this but it was nice to see that his stupid decision to become a vigilante to get strong wasn't completely useless

- AND HELLO??

- HIM TELLING JOHN TO GET HIMSELF TOGETHER AND JOHN ACTUALLY DOING IT?

- FIRST CANNON OF GYM BROS HYPING EACHOTHER UPPPP LEGGOOOO

- AND I SAID THIS BUT BLYKE WAS FUCKIN,,,, ART TO LOOK AR THIS EPISODE.

- HIS EYES???? SO PRETTY

- JOHN HAS HIS SMILE, SERA HAS HER HAIR, ISEN HAS HIS FACE, REMI HAS THEM DOE EYES, BLYKE HAS THOSE MUSCLES, AND ARLO GOT HIS EVERYTHING

- ardfgvdwrd everyone in uno is attractive. Even Zeke... If he put his hair up...

- anyway it was nice to hear john give his analysis

- like in super power based animes or manhwas/ mangas whatever, u can usually see the flesh and bones of the fight, if you will

- like u see the decisions the characters make as they study their opponents

- we've never gotten it from John. He's such a troll but he's actually really good at fighting. Like I'd his tactical skills are prolly superior than all the other main characters

- that shit is like breathing to him, we saw how easy it was for him in this ep

- and man, did he work hard to get strong. Obvs his talent had a lot of potential, but I think it took him more practice to get as good as he is than the other high tiers. Idk. Clearly they worked hard to, esp blyke, but idk. He seemed to dedicated to it, like Blyke was (is?)

- and the fact that his power increased by a whole number (I think) when he didn't use it or practice for more than two years is impressive

- um, this was supposed to be short idk where all this came from

- anyway, John in the end? Omg. Those last few panels were so fuckin badass.

- like actually, goddamn. I so sorry we didn't get to see the rowden royals faces

- I wonder when the rest of the gang will show up (we need a name for all six of them together, no super six is not acceptable)

- or literally any of the others lol. Sera's gon be so proud of him. If she's not, Im gonna be worried about her bc she's clearly too stressed

- arlos gon pull an isen and just be so done

- meanwhile, isen would pass out seeing on John fighting again

- Remi's jumping in the minute she sees. If she arrives after shed being that one field trip teacher and doing damage control, clearing everyone out, talking to the authorities, making sure safe house kids are okay.

- blykes confused bc he doesn't know how to congratulate/celebrate w John while also being pissed at him (bc obvs, they'll win. John ain't losing to those punks sorry and there's Blyke too they're ded)

- Dylan is adorable btw

- But yeah

- proud of john

- I hope we get his thought process while fighting

- I MISSED THE FIGHT SCENES SM FR SO GLAD WE GOT ONE

- boba anon 🧋

Lol to add to ep 250, I found it fucking halarious when they were like "where did that kid come from? He's so POWerfuL" (talking about Blyke) when there were literally four other people, one of whom was standing right there, that are stronger than Blyke. Like their king was probably as strong as Zeke.

At first I was trashing the rowden royals for being so cocky despite being weak, but I realized that legit no one around could fight them. Granted there were four of them, but they were acting super powerful despite prolly being below/around 5. (we're gonna get their stats and I'm gonna so off) Prolly they dominate their turf wars. Which really shows us how freakin insane Wellston is. High tiers are rare, and two god tiers in one place is probably unheard of.

On the flip side, maybe whatever authorities were there had the power to stop them but couldn't be bothered? And obvs the bystander effect was taking place but to think that there wasn't a single person stronger than them?? (Yeah ik people were just being cowards and there probably was someone as strong as them somewhere in the crowd but still) Wellston really is hella op.

You can just add this on to the end of what I sent earlier lol sorry

----------

*GYM BROS MY BELOVEDS

*I CANT WAIT FOR THEM TO BE BESTIES

*IT’S EITHER GONNA HAPPEN RIGHT AWAY OR TAKE AN ETERNITY

*BUT I’M READY FOR IT

*It probably was half vigilante work and half fighting John

*Like he fought John a LOT and yeah, he got his ass kicked

*But he lasted longer each time

*And fighting John had to give quite a lot of experience just bc he’s such a good fighter

*I LOVE THEM HYPING EACH OTHER UP

*AND JUST BLYKE BEING SO COMPLETELY DONE WITH JOHN’S PASSIVENESS SINCE HE’D SEEN JOHN WRECK EVERYONE SO OFTEN

*I JUST LOVE THEM SO MUCH

*Lol aside from ‘Main Cast’ I’ve been calling them ‘Chaos Crew’ but I think main cast just sticks better lol

*And Wellston is CRAZY powerful

*Like the turf war episodes were against the #2 school in the region

*And their STRONGEST was 4.9

*Like…6 of the top 10 at Wellston are stronger than that

*Wellston’s completely cracked dude

*And there’s 3 god tiers there

*Like they’re supposed to be like 2% of the population

*And there’s 3 at one school!

*I think that just bc of the way that society is in UnO that people have learned that strength=authority

*So like the Rowden Royals are stronger than the security so everyone’s just like “well damn. guess we’re screwed”

*I think their levels are definitely elite tier, probably not high tier tho

*Like Blyke was having very little trouble with them and he’s like 5.0

*So I doubt they’re all high tiers bc if they were he’d probably have more trouble with them

*And they’re not midtiers bc the healing dude and Arlo’s mentioned that only elite tiers and up can extend their abilities to other people

[axiang-n-chengling-s-dads]

Pacing Issues in SHL/WoH

Rather I should name this issues that would be fixed with the correct pacing (ie a few extra scenes), but whatever. To preface ik the show had time and budget constraints, and ofc censorship, and love the show a lot. But these were a few areas where I thought a 4-5 min scene could also mostly fix things.

1. Wen Kexing's Fake Death:

That Wkx has to fake his death is obvious. Zhao Jing is hell bent on killing Wkx and the Ghost Valley, the most Wkx can do is set it up on his own terms to fake his death, which is why he returns to the Ghost Valley. There is also the fact that Wkx's death as the Ghost Valley Leader metaphorically marks the end of his kill-everyone revenge. Now when he comes back to take revenge, he does it in a righteous manner as the son of Zhen Ruyu avenging his parents death.

I would be remiss as a Sherlock fan if I did not compare this to Sherlock's Reichenabch Fake Death-- as he does not tell John, so does Wkx not tell Zzs.

That Wkx does not tell Zzs initially is understandable:

Zzs as we know is pretty injured. He has just come back from facing a lot of torture from the Prince, and already he had his Nail Problem ™. As we're told, Zzs needs to rest, and get into better health so that the nails can be removed.

Wkx's plan is at best risky-- how to be assured that only Chengling kills him? And not any of the hundreds present there? What if things go wrong, as they can at any moment? Zzs would at the least want to help Wkx, play a part-- which is dangerous for him as he's still injured.

So ofc in Wkx's mind it's best if he's not told until the plan is completed. Wkx makes sure to only tell those who are necessary to the plan, just like Sherlock does, telling only Molly, Mycroft and the Homeless network.

At this point we also know Gu Xiang did not know of the plan. As was pointed in another person's meta-- Wkx is a lone wolf, accustomed to relying only on himself and the bare minimum ppl required.

Moreover, there's the fact that Zzs was not supposed to be there during Wkx's death, just like John was not supposed to be there at Sherlock's death. In both cases John and Zzs suddenly pop-up and you can see that Wkx is anxious as he tries to keep Zzs away from him ("I lied to you Zhou Zi Shu" just like Sherlock says "I am a con man, it was all a trick").

When Zzs comes to take revenge, everyone other than him seems to know Wkx is alive. Why? The answer is that, as we see, Zzs probably ran away and was in hiding until he came to seek revenge at the Conference. Had he returned to the others, like Gu Xiang he would also be made to know of the truth.

This is the recurring theme of the show: the prey thinks all along that he's the Predator- similarly because of this unfortunate circumstance of Zzs being absent and then removing the nails, Wkx who thought he'd outsmarted everyone, really gets one upped by Fate.

Now, the last part that really ties this in is not explicitly stated at all, hence causing a lot of confusion and feelings about Wkx being OOC.

If only they had one 3-min conversation where WKX is like-- "where were you all this time, I was looking for you to tell you that I'm alive" and Zzs says something about preparing to take revenge, obvs not wanting to tell Wkx what really happened yet.

2. Side Character Deaths:

Episode 35-36 have a lot of deaths.

For Gu Xiang and Cao Weining, though the initial premise of their deaths is wonky (ie that no one was around to check on these new Intruders) the theme is apparent (that good people cannot survive in jianghu bc neither GX nor CWN once think of being cautious of the Gentle Wind Sect Leader). But still as viewers we can be asked to suspend our logic sometimes. Thier actual deaths are done beautifully.

But the others, that is, Tragicomic Ghost, Alluring Ghost, etc- Thier deaths are too quick and aren't given enough time. As for Xie'er and Zhao Jing, their deaths occur entirely offscreen.

For Zhao Jing we can say fuck the villain and let it go, but the rest of the characters the show spent a lot of time making us feel sympathetic towards-- giving no time to Thier deaths doesn't make us feel cathartic or fully give time to process them. A bit longer for each of them would have been wonderful, esp for Xie'er.

3. Wen Kexing's Sacrifice:

I have seen some criticism where it's said that Wkx sacrificing himself took away Zzs's autonomy over his death, which he has always wanted and has been a major character point. And they're right.

See, Wkx's immediate reaction on waking is understandable: given the choice to sacrifice yourself so that a loved ones lives, who wouldn't take it?

Also Wkx has cost Zzs his life, if he'd not done what he did, Zzs could have taken the treatment, gotten the nails out, and lived. Now, he will die. Wkx owes Zzs a life now.

Moreover, as Wkx would most definitely think: who does wkx have to live for if Zzs is gone? Other than Chengling, everyone else he loved would be dead-- the ppl he knew from Ghost Valley, Gu Xiang-- when Gu Xiang died he was ready to die at that point too.

But Zzs? He has so many to live for-- Chengling, all his disciples, Qi Ye, etc. As we know, Wkx thinks very highly of Zzs. He does not however consider, that the person Zzs wants to live most for is Wkx himself-- when Zzs tells him this in that World Armoury Cave, you can see the immediate regret on his face-- but what can Wkx do?

The thing is, at the end of the day Wkx thinks he owes Zzs this life, and that Zzs is more deserving and has more to live for.

Again all of this you'd really need to think about, and since it is one of the final, really important scenes, it's... Best if they'd shown all of this reasoning themselves.

What the show really needed here, was a scene where WKX finds out it is due to his own mistake that Zzs is going to die-- he would go berserk, and then probably also go through what I've described above. That scene would really help a ton.

4. The last scene of 36/ ep 37:

This one is the least to blame because I cannot Imagine the hoops the team had to go through to give us what they did.

The last frame of 36 is interesting, because it's very abrupt. I suppose they did it in the hopes of making audiences feel that it was incomplete and to go and look for another episode and stumble upon the Easter Egg?

That being said, it really is confusing what exactly is happening in the last scene or how Wkx survived-- there are many theories about how both parties need to be completely devoted to each other etc etc. And also the lip reading which makes things clearer. Story-wise it really is an issue, but taking in the outside elements I really do not blame the Show Team for what they did.

Also a side note to everyone despairing that WenZhou won't be able to travel the world like they wanted to-- they had previously said they'd love a reclusive lifestyle, so they are happy here, and they can also leave anytime!

So I assume in a few decades, maybe once Chengling dies, they can descend the mountain, travel the world for a good 10 yrs minimum (or if their aging is just unfreezed then they have like 30-40 years) to travel the world, go back to Wkx's peasant home and pay respect to his parents, and also meet GX and CWN's reincarnations!

So yeah in conclusion ™, a few added scenes really would have helped, and yes this is a critique ™ but i also understand the hurdles they'd have faced in terms of time and money budgets and censorship. This show does not exist in a void but is influenced by real outside phenomenons!

[angeltrapz]

oosdkk dude im sorry ur mood dropped too.. i hope u feel better soon <3 but like i wld love 2 hear more abt ur thoughts on Art in general bc Boy Is He Interesting, and also a lil more abt Daniel coming out as nonbinary to his dad (whether he knows Eric is trans or not at that moment skjdfhdskf)! + if ur feelin it just more abt Mallick in general ESP cuz we agree that Brit doesn't make it thru V

djhfjdks thank u sm <3

okay Art first. I genuinely wonder abt him so much, something in specific I think abt is that aside frm Amanda (+ Eric, obviously, but talkin abt disciples) Art is one of the only trap victims EVER 2 be tested twice and it’s like... what’s that abt? Why? as u’ve said b4 it rly depends on how you personally view his character: whether he’s a disciple or not. fr me, both options are equally plausible, n honestly I don’t rly confine myself to either; it sorta depends on what I’m feeling/writing. if we’re talking abt art being a disciple, then the Spinecutter not going off (one of my BIGGEST questions) makes total sense, as Hoffman’s side of the trap was never set up to work either, + Jigsaw disciples have a history (aside from Lawrence) of appearing as victims in other tests/traps. if he were not just another pawn and was in fact a disciple himself, then the Spinecutter was never meant to go off - it was there just to make Eric think it COULD go off/make it look convincing to outsiders. which brings me to ANOTHER question: what does Art know abt Eric? does he know anything? what does he think of Eric?

(lil side note: if Art is a disciple, then I kinda wonder if it’s a lil bit of a Hoffman + Lawrence situation where Hoffman didn’t know abt Art either? just bc he looks so shocked when he sees Art’s face fully fr the first time... that could’ve just been acting on Hoffman’s part but IDK. food fr thought)

personally, I feel like Art probably does know a lil bit abt Eric - at the very least, he’d know tht Eric had been previously tested + failed by John’s rules, but then I feel that he wld also know Eric didn’t rly have a chance in his second test. that is why Art trying so fucking hard to keep Eric alive is interesting 2 me: what is his motivation 2 do that? like he’s been told Eric’s basically just there to get Rigg to participate, he doesn’t have any personal obligation or anything like that. sure, the aim is to keep Eric alive + see if Rigg can pass his “test,” but nobody said anything about grabbing a man you barely know around his ankles to keep him frm hanging himself w a noose made of chains. nobody said anything abt speaking to him so softly, not even raising your voice beyond saying “hey,” and asking him do you understand? when you tell him to keep still and prevent him frm killing his counterpart (which, if Art is a disciple, he knows it won’t, but he still speaks to Eric so softly, so compassionately, doesn’t he?)

nobody said anything abt grabbing him around the waist and steadying him again after being punched by said man. but Art does that. he stabilizes Eric’s feet on the ice as best he can and he keeps his hips straight and he basically says “look, we’re all stuck here, you need to keep it together ‘til that clock counts down if you want us to live, but I’m giving you a choice,” and he presses the gun w the single bullet into Eric’s hands and tells him it’s up to him. nobody said Art had to care but he does, I think, and it’s just like. he really didn’t have to keep Eric alive over the course of Rigg’s test. he didn’t. but he did and I just,, where does it come from? why does he care? this is even going beyond the fact that we’ve talked abt them being together after their test in a scenario where they both survive - I just think that Art at his core is a very stubborn but very compassionate person, whether he wants 2 be or not. like he HAS to know that kind of involvement cld prove to be extremely detrimental but he cares. I feel like that says a lot abt him (even if he does call Eric an asshole a couple times while doing it,,).

plus I also just. I think his reason for being tested (as it seems to be in most cases) is extremely flimsy. he was doing his job. he’s a LAWYER. often times it has nothing 2 do w personal feelings; they’re there to do their job and sometimes, unfortunately, that is defending possibly reprehensible people (in cases like Rex’s & Ivan’s). + John was already upset w him regarding their argument abt the urban renewal group so like it just feels So Very Petty, y’know?? even in the scenario where he IS a disciple, testing him twice seems entirely like John having a personal vendetta against him. Amanda is the only other person to be tested twice aside from Eric, so like. what. is that abt Mr. Kramer.

like I’ve said b4 in dms one could argue that Art is grey morally, bc we never rly see anything of him outside of flashbacks + acting as a test controller in IV, esp given that he... rly doesn’t seem too bothered abt it all? which is fair. but I also feel like the concern he shows towards Eric is smth to be considered as well.

-

+ YESS NONBINARY DANIEL I know I’ve mentioned it b4 but for reference, I read Daniel as masc nonbinary (he/they)! so I feel like Daniel wld b pretty comfortable w his identity, he’s never rly had a reason not to be (it’s rly anyone’s guess here tho bc we never see Eric + Daniel + Kate... as a family unit, for obvious reasons), so I feel like he’s vry chill abt it? and in the scenario where Eric survives n is dating Adam, I feel like Daniel wld talk 2 him abt it first (Adam is an adult they quickly come to trust + he’s vocal abt being trans himself so there’s that added layer of understanding - other than his mom maybe Adam might b the first person they come out 2). they’re just kinda like “so I wanna tell my dad I’m nonbinary but like I’ve literally never thought abt coming out what do I do” and Adam’s just like. Aha. bc he knows Eric is Also Trans so like, he doesn’t tell Daniel that bc it’s not his info to share, but he’s definitely like “oh it’ll totally be fine. trust me you have no reason to worry” so Daniel’s just like Okay. I Got This

+ I know I mentioned this in dms but Daniel wld absolutely wear those floral ripped hem skirts over jeans, so I feel like on one of his visits to his dad’s, he just. wears that combined w a completely random niche graphic tee he bought when shopping w Adam (I adore this hc n I am Holding Onto It) n is just like. not super open abt it bc he doesn’t know what to expect? he just kinda waits fr Eric to comment on it but when he doesn’t, Daniel gets nervous n is like “do I look okay?” and Eric’s rly chill abt it, like “yeah! it looks vry cool, vry alternative.” n like Daniel is relieved, of course, but also he’s just like God Pls Say Something so he just comes out w it like “okay this is not working. I’m nonbinary.”

and he’s COMPLETELY SHOCKED when Eric is just like “oh why didn’t u say so? do u have a different name u wanna go by? is Daniel still okay?” bc he wasn’t sure how much Eric knew, so he’s just like “uh no Daniel is still good, he/they pronouns though” and Eric’s just like alright cool but internally Daniel’s just like ??????

n THAT is when Eric asks him 2 come sit out on th front steps w him n is just like. “I don’t think I ever told u this but I’m trans. I transitioned during training in my early 20s” n Daniel is nodding while internally he’s like Adam I’m gonna throttle u. he worked himself up fr NOTHING. he just kinda laughs abt it and Eric is like “are u good?” ‘cause he’s a lil worried but then Daniel just smiles and is like “yeah I’m fine! just realizing I had nothing 2 be worried abt” and it’s a rly good moment fr them. they sit out there together talking abt their experiences for quite a while n at some point Adam steps outside 2 find them deep in conversation + he just smiles n goes back inside bc he cares abt them both so much and seeing them talk like that makes him so 💞💞 (Eric is SO PROUD u can see it on his face)

-

ohhh gosh Mallick,,, I spend a lot of time thinking abt him actually. he’s just one of those characters I feel vry connected to (me 🤝 Mallick: Ambiguous Disorder 💕) n one I got surprisingly attached to? hello (he IS one of my f/os)

I feel like Mallick is a very lonely person at his core. the way he sort of clings to Brit (w out the whole like. adrenaline of being in very very real danger w ppl trying to kill u SEVERAL TIMES) somewhat confirms this fr me. this is someone who has no reason to look out fr him, no reason to keep protecting him when their fellow captives hit him over th head w a club or attempt to push him into a bathtub to ELECTROCUTE him, but she keeps doing it and he’s just. in awe of it a little bit? ‘cause she could just let Charles knock him tf out or let Luba push him in but she fights for him, some1 she has no obligation to n met fr the first time literally when they woke up.

the moment they share b4 they stick their arms into the saws to activate the 10 Pints of Sacrifice is so very vulnerable and maybe even a little tender. yes he calls her a monster, yes she calls him one back, neither of them deny it. it’s an admission and an acceptance. they’re monsters, sure, fine, okay. but they are monsters and they are in this together. Brit tells Mallick it’s okay when he says he can’t do this alone. she says okay, okay, it’s okay, we’ll go together. and they help each other secure their tourniquets and they stick their hands in together bc it’s the two of them, literally hand in hand, fighting for their lives n for each other n they’re in so so much pain but they are doing it TOGETHER. I lose it thinking abt it!!! they even have a head bonk moment!!! I very much feel like it has some cinematic parallels to Adam & Lawrence’s moment in SAW 2004!!!!

+ as u mentioned, we both share the thought that Brit likely died since she wasn’t present at Bobby’s meetings, and. I want to touch on how fucking despondent and lost Mallick looks when we see him again in 3D. lights on but no one’s home. I feel like for Mallick, losing Brit was losing the first chance at a real connection he’s had in god knows how long - and for him, that’s just very shattering. he’s been thru hell, he’s watched three people die right in front of him, he sawed his ARM IN HALF, n the person he went through all of that with didn’t make it. but he did. and I feel like for Mallick that’s just like... he doesn’t understand it. but he feels even lonelier than he ever has b4 because the One Person who was there w him thru it all, the one person who could ever possibly understand what happened that night, is gone.

the Mallick we see in V would NEVER sit down n willingly listen to Bobby Dagen’s bullshit abt loving yr scars n taking pride in the fact u survived. he wld hate that man with a passion n I am very much sure of this. the fact that he’s sitting in that chair looking numb and glassy-eyed and silent? Mallick is trying to find some1 to connect to, find a place where maybe he belongs. trying to fill that hole that losing Brit made. why else wld he be sitting there, listening to someone he would ordinarily tell to shove his self-love bullshit up his ass? he’s lost. he’s just trying to keep his head above water and find a way to shore even though everything in him is fighting not to. he’s adrift without her.

+ ALTERNATIVELY, bc the reality of that is just. crushing n maybe not where I needed 2 go, in the scenario where Brit survived + just doesn’t want to put up w Bobby’s bullshit, I imagine them to actually move in together after a lil bit of time getting 2 know each other better w out the pressure of “oh god we’re gonna die.” she kinda helps him build up a sense of self-worth bc GOD it’s practically non-existent n thinking abt possible reasons why makes me sad. she’s definitely just like “no, you do deserve to be cared for and you deserve help when you need it, you deserve good things n to be happy.” she just kinds shuts it down while still making sure to talk 2 him abt WHY he feels that way (she’s not dismissing, but she’s trying to nip it in th bud) n Mallick is just like. huh. bc no one’s really done that fr him before. but it rly does end up helping in the long run, even if it is a very slow pace toward actually getting 2 a place where he recognizes his own worth + realizes he deserves all the things he wants Brit 2 have too. they���re there for each other thru thick n thin and if they made it thru their game, they can make it thru anything.

[sastrugie]

john entwistle biography review

ok so first: I didnt really like the biography because I thought it would focus on totally different aspects. John was a musical virtuoso and that hardly ever gets mentioned in the book. But we get exact axccounts on how much money he spent on what day and in which pub he bought which champagne. like wow thanks. The other personal stuff is basic who knowledge you can read in any other Who biography. His autobiographical bits were joy and fun! Maybe the only reason to buy the book in my opinion. He writes totally different than the author...

ANYWAYS: here my fav facts from the book that you probably didnt know before

this is the face of a man who -when his father gave him driving lessons for his 21st birthday as a present- decided driving wasnt really his thing and he spent the money on clothes and parties instead. He never had a drivers license ever and also never desired to have one 

the hospital he was born in, was bombarded and destructed one day after his birth

as a child he was really weak and thin and had basically every disease that existed

his family was poor af

his father left the family early and held contact with his son, but soon disappeared with a new family

his stepdad, Gordon, disliked John alot and would ignore him, hated everything John did or said and he let his bad moods out on Johns mother, which caused John to be very silent and observative around the house so that there wouldnt be any trouble

he did everything to please Queenie (his mom) so that there was no fighting, according to Alison

loved drawing and playing but usually alone since he had no friends apart from their dog

he heard a trumpet solo once from a trad jazz band when he was 6 or so and decided he wanted to learn the trumpet

my fav line of the book probably: “despite his own expectations, he passed the exams to go to grammar school” like same

at school he was bullied from the older boys but soon left alone by them because he would fight back with badass comments 

he applied for the school band for the trumpet but the tallest guy in the year was chosen (he was the 2nd tallest)  which made John mad, but he discovered the french horn

soon he found a friend, mickey brown, at last and he gave him the nickname “ent”

he was so terrible in P.E that he was dismissed with other pupils to play somehwere else, they were called “the hockey misfits” and guess who was among them: Pete Townshend.

yeah as you might know they became besties because they loved music and black humour.

he found himself a gf (alison) and Pete & a school gang (like 4 ppl) and his life seemed to finally get where it should.

his worst subjects were geography and german like wow (im a german geography student lmao)

once they played in a pub and johns stepdad was there and was super angry and gave john a list with his fav pubs and told him “these are the places I never want to hear your fucking music playing”.

after walking home pete decided to switch the guitar and john wanted to become a musician more than ever

Roger found him and John kind of convinced him (it took months apparently) to get Pete into the band and then it all started

he judged the beatles because John Lennons harmonica was “out of tune” in love me do, wow ok you nerd

john started smoking with 20 and was the last one to quit his job for the band and he was against drugs at first (bc he had a “civilized” job) but then decided to give a shit, dyed his hair black, bought cigarettes, smoked dope with pete and did speed too

he wanted to step out of himself and feel good about himself and he was always a fashionnerd so he started buying and trading and selling clothes (he once was dismissed from school bc he wore the school uniform incorrectly)

with 18 or so he was still living at home, had a toy soldier collection and a pet budgie

pete and his college friends made fun of john bc he wasnt a student and still lived at home, although john could have gone to college too and he wanted to, but his stepdad again said no and he had no choice.

he was very awkward and introverted but could open up with his music 

he was really into pop art (esp pop art clothes)

was a pseudo mod bc he only liked the fancy clothes and motown music

with the who he found a purpose in his life and finally could be different than ordinary ppl

hated when people touched his hair, he literally hated it

would fuss much about his hair in general

once after a concert they were starving and the room service was alreday home so they had to look on used plates and food wagons and John found a shrimp and said: “who wants to dine with me tonight?” (idk that really made me laugh)

keith moon was john entwistles soulmate and they were the cutest, most iconic and funniest duo ever end of discussion

his amps would soon be called little manhatten bc he had so many bc he wanted to be loud

he actually went to sing at church once when he was like 24 and the band made fun of him then he stopped

in the late 60s he bought a house with alison in a normal neighbourhood and went walking the dogs on sundays and stuff

but he was a party animal and always the last to go

he was really sensitive and cried often according to Alison but only in front of certain people

he would totally step out of his way to please people

when they played at the monterey pop festival they didnt bring their own amps along and john was furious bc he said the american amps are shit and kit was like “no” and john didnt talk to him for the whole festival until their perfomance was over and they had sounded like shit to tell kit “I TOLD YOU SO” thats how extra he was

when he got money he would spend it bc he was so used to being poor that he thought it wouldnt last long and he had to enjoy it NOW

he was always calm and everyone respected him and kit told a story where he entered the room and roger was at keiths throat and and pete was screaming something and john was sitting in the corner cleaning his nails. thats who energy

liked to dance at parties

his fav drink was rémy cognac with 40% and he would drink like 1 bottle alone everyday in his later years...wow dude

he was also gentlemanTM and once paid taxis for girls from london to brighton after a party

once at a wedding the free drinks were out and John just gave the barkeeper his creditcard and said he will pay for all the drinks of the night for everyone (it wasnt his wedding)

Roger once said: “John made smartass comments that deserved a punch in the face” sounds like him yes

he didnt really care about money and always wanted to pay and never told anyone how much things had cost and brought gifts for everyone

soon that ended in a shopping addiction tho and he bought ridiculous things for ridiculous amounts of money

when the who was inactive he sank into depression :(

held the band together during who by numbers & who are you

wrote and played all the quadrophenia horn parts himself

never lost his passion for art and always drawed alot, said Alison

cried when Christopher was born aww

once he saw their manager in an art museum and how he wanted to buy a painting but couldnt afford it, so John bought it secretly and shipped it to said managers home as a gift

We all know John was a huge collector. His most treasured collection was .. wait for it: teapots.

he tried to save Keith from being arrested once and ended up being arrested too lol

wanted to write a scifi concept album but desorted the idea and gave some songs to the who (905) or Pete

was a good cook apparently

When he gave a hug HE was the one who decided when to let go sdfghjk

hated confrontation and would hire other people to tell someone bad news

he spent so much money on dumb shit like wtf

but didnt really care either

probably the master in picking up and seducing girls

he let his stepdad live in the quarwood mansion when he wasnt there but Gordon was still an asshole wtf

the contact to his real dad was really sporadic

when the who ended, it hit him really hard and he didnt know what to do besides partying and buying stuff/hording stuff

was very insecure and selfconscious in the 80s according to Maxene :(

he actually took pete breaking up the who really personal and was sad 24/7

was that kind of guy that said bad stuff about the who but when you said bad stuff he would try to kill you on spot

with cocaine he felt really confident and still like the 60s/70s rockstar he once was but he didnt understand that these times were over and he needed to move on

sometimes went into random pubs with friends and made jam sessions for the guests

he still was generous and loving until he died and tried to play with other bands but it was not the same

he really liked Kenney and hung out with him more than with his wife at some point lmao

was a total giver and people who worked at quarwood would steal money from him but when someone pointed that out he got angry with that person for even suggesting that

was a real softieee (and a huge nerd)

all his friends said that he was shy at first but once you got to know him he would come totally out of himself, was very funny, loved to tell stories, was very very loyal and would try evertyhing to make you laugh aww

all in all a glorious story with a sad ending and he did destroy himself completely, but lets remember that Pete Townshend described old John still as "wonderful, mature and elegant” so lets cling on to that :)

[goldtips]

okay so ya girl is back at it again. this was originally going to be a reply to someone but well. it got out of hand. i shat all over babylon the anime a while ago and honestly kind of feel bad. there are definitely things that the show does that makes it stand out, esp as a seasonal anime bc you dont expect dir. to spend much time on them!!!! like if we’re comparing this to shows like fanservice anime or any .. mediocre seasonal isekai then ofc this show is better lmfao. the only reason i shit on it is because i expected this anime to be Better ;;;;;;;

mind, i’m not rescinding my statement - as far as i’m concerned, babylon is still a hella frustrating anime because it tries to showcase humans as nihilistic, utilitarian robots that don’t seem to consider the topic of suicide emotionally even though thats supposedly humanity’s defining trait ??? and it deals with the topic of suicide with the care of elephants gallivanting in the fucking savanna :))) the whole show has also been pretty lacklustre in terms of characterization, trying way too hard to be intellectual and feed edgy plot points instead of giving any development - the plot feels reactionary overall and placid rather than exciting. also, the fact that the anime started as a mystery / politico-legal sort of show just makes the transition from that to abstract theory even more forced...........

HOWEVER im promised im going to stop shitting on babylon so lets talk about what the anime does right shall we. more specifically,,, the biblical imagery!!! is great !!!! : D

the show is called babylon. in the old testament (ot), babylon is humanized as a “brutal, callous and proud” woman who “believed that she would reign over the earth forever.” in the new testatment the phrase “she who is at babylon” refers to the new world culture currently at war with the covenant community. in such that rome, as a mistress or whore of the new world, is seeking to seduce and subvert people of god, enticing men to fall “drunk with the wine of her fornication.”

yes,,,, a whore who uses sex to entice innocent men into complying with new culture? who believes herself to be akin to god and also in this context, above the law and morality - im gonna say its not too far a stretch to say that magase was intended to symbolise the whore of babylon.

however, that’s not all - links can be made between the enactment of the suicide laws and the seduction of new culture. who exactly is leading the front? kaika itsuki ( 齋 開化 ), who’s name literally means culture. that aint a coincidence. also, that weirdly-placed reference to roman law / norms during the suicide debate as a way to convince the masses to revert / adopt roman ideology??? also not a coincidence. :))))

in addition, there are two other major biblical events related to babylon:

the book of revelations; and

the tower of babel.

its safe to say that both narratives are being pushed atm.

revelations:

in revelation 17, the spirit of babylon decends upon earth through the whore. she arrives on the back of a beast with 7 heads, “arrayed in purple and scarlet”, “drunk with the blood of the saints, the blood of the martyrs of Jesus.” “seven heads are seven mountains, on which the woman sitteth.” the revelations also prophesizes that she will be defeated by a beast, but it is unclear as to which. there are two beasts in book of revelations. the first beast comes "out of the sea" given authority and power by the dragon/serpent. the second beast comes "out of the earth" directing people to worship the first beast, a "false prophet".

in a similar vein, nomaru had secretly vouched for itsuki’s, providing itsuki with the necessary resources for him to rise up in ranks and become the new mayor. the kanji for ryuichiro nomaru ( 野丸 龍一郎 ) contains both the kanji 野 and 龙 which respectively mean field (i.e. earth) and dragon. they are key references to the beasts of revelation

plus according to nomaru, it was also purely because of magase that the political struggle turned out the way that it did, meaning that she is ultimately the one controlling the entire operation. this mirrors the way she is sitting on the heads of the beast (i.e. the proverbial brains of the campaign that itsuki is heading) 

we also see that when magase uses her powers her eyes and hair glow in a sort of purple/burgundy color to support the imagery as well! 

the book of revelations is the final chapter of nt. it is merely an allegory of struggle between good and evil and doesnt refer to actual people or events. kinda like the show huh. nyyy way, we see that the protag john the apostle writes down what is revealed to him through visions to send it to the 7 churches :))

kinda like how zen keeps on seeing magase through visions and has to document !! his findings and report back to admin? ik this isnt exact but there’s a bit where he has to write down her confession and it really struck me as weird until this bit popped up, maybe that was included to as a way of tying in :))

tower:

according to the myth, there were plans to build a city and tower high enough to reach heaven - god who observes this confounds their speech so that they can no longer understand each other. why? because “now nothing will be restrained from them, which they have imagined to do.”

while not entirely similar, we see recurring themes in babylon that deal with miscommunication and new ideology. the conflict mirrors the myth in that unity of language (or ideology in this case) and its subsequent discordance once differentiated. 

the interrogation scene in ep 4 deals with reconciling differences. magase asks whether those with different values should be accepted, despite them being contrary to norm. all this time, society has been developing an ideal set of norms - the entire country shares the same values and priorities with no deviation. growth has stagnated. in similar fashion to how god commands for many languages to be created, magase sows the seeds of doubt towards long-standing assumptions and moral values in order to create discordance and push japan into a state of new development

in the new campaign, itsuki proposes to apportion shiniki city from japan and instill new values. this confounds the population and sends them into disarray - the tower that they have created is crumbling, in similar likeness to the parable of babel.

SO TL;DR this show has a really cool starting concept i cant lie?????  i for one am not shitting on its supernatural elements (even though the flow was a little inorganic) in hindsight there’s no point in expecting a show called babylon not to delve into supernatural/biblical elements lol :)))

as a right hoe for imagery and philosophy/ethics, this gave me high hopes but the execution of everything else was way below average. why bring in a discussion about suicide that’s poorly researched + try to be edgy abt it and have the citizens to have support it so easily???? ruins the immersion so much

if the anime really wanted to focus on philosophy there should be some mention of ethical theory to justify his point. like, being aimlessly philosophical only ends up being flowery and pseudo-bullshit lmao. one of hte reasons why i was so frustrated with magase and zen’s discussion in the interrogation room. like woman what was your fucking point. its only wasting screentime if you don’t get anything from the conversation. the philosophy was so fucking unnecessary - babylon could have been executed as an in-depth political/psychological anime instead. WITHOUT THE SUICIDE.

this and the lack of good characters really bummed me out. i think that the show was expecting me to connect to some of the characters before they were fucking killed off but i didn’t end up giving a single shit about any of them so. :) the whole show feels more about the shock factor and gore than about interesting plot.

concept 10/10, execution 1/10

[theskyexists]

Fugitive of the Judoon (spoilers)

What. what was that.

What.

I really felt like the Doctor here. Hit with the reminder that Gallifrey is still dead (what the fuck - still) then hit by Jack (what the fuck), then hit by another Doctor (WHAT THE FUCK). when she’s like walking around the city just absolutely SHOOK - same bro

I mean I’d figured that Gat was a Time Lord (OR actually, the Doctor specifically says ‘Gallifreyan’ instead of Time Lord) the moment she called Lee a ‘companion’. Figured that Ruth was a Time Lord the moment she got a weird vision and started rattling off life facts. Figured for absolutely sure she was the Doctor the moment she showed up in that orange shirt lol

Chibnall went: FUCK YOU to every single whining fan who complained about a female Doctor. LOL

At the start I was like nice - we got a focus on an older black woman! I could never have imagined this. That is to say: did RTD know this for his book version of ‘Rose’ or was that a prophecy?

So many people got vaporised in quick succession in this jfc. Chibs was like - ok no longer necessary for the plot or anything - u ded. (and those guns can’t be regenerated from it seems - which says something about Gallifreyans using em)

Ok wow. I feel disoriented and not entirely in a good way but that’s because Chibnall lost my trust a long time ago and also the pacing was weird and they should REALLY have edited the bit with Jack down - esp when he’s trying to tell them something important and he says ‘ tell her this’ three times but still gets cut off lol (I guess RTD okay’d Jack’s return?)

honestly it was a good excuse to remove the companions I spose but it had nothing to do with the episode and so it didn’t fully land, did Jack a bit of disservice - but it did let us have jokes about - ah Doctor! not the Doctor? Ah..you the Doctor? NO??

THAT KISS THOUGH!!! I LOVE IT.

Also - are they going to explain why Jack clearly looks a lot older than before or...was that the nanogenes? Because at first it seemed like that was the anti-theft system but then Jack said ‘always’. John Barrowman did a great job but I feel like the innuendo was possibly overwritten?

The way the Doctor just let Lee be ‘arrested’ and left with Ruth was super weird bc why would she leave him if she thought he was the fugitive....she’s so bendable. Let’s say, she’s a pushover a lot of the time - because the plot needs her to be - and that is still a problem.

Sad we didn’t get to see Thirteen speak Judoon.

The companions and Doctor sure had a nice talk - and her messing with the controls for ages to find the Master - how long you been sat there? 20 mins. and the Doctor’s denial - HA - and leaving em to explore while she disappears to go back to Gallifrey and just LOOK at the devastation WOW. THE FUCKIN ANGST MATES. He did good there. I still can’t - I mean the acting made it. I don’t think the dialogue is particularly inspired but they made it. And they’re ‘family’ because they’re dedicated - not because there’s that good ol love. It’s a choice, not organic so to speak. But I thought he wrapped things up according to their canon dynamics - that is to say - she gets depressed and then they lift her out of it by forming a front and barraging her with hope and faith.

Anyway.

So I think the implication is multiverse. After all.

And there are SO many hints about - hm. Uh. It being a commentary on both an Imperialist Gallifrey and the historical dynamics between the Doctor and companions. It really is becoming clear to me that Chibnall is committing to this - this subversion of ‘normal classic’ dynamics.

1. The Doctor Ruth (for some reason not realising that this woman with her is also a Time Lord and/or a very suspiciously knowledgeable person???) actually treats the Doctor like a companion - and it is PATRONISING. It’s explicitly deeply patronising - and it’s explicitly a Doctor-Companion dynamic. She even does the hand-grab. Something we’ve not seen Thirteen do at all (which I have bitterly complained about). Then she’s telling her to shut up and refusing to share anything. (having them both be women was brilliant because it only made the wrongness of it stand out more - because it’s so unexpected). Actually the whole episode had a super interesting red thread of the Doctor not opening up to her companions and then being truth-blocked the whole episode - it turns out BY HERSELF lolllll. anyway that also feeds back into it.

2. Gat is like Lee - she’s had the same training - and it’s military training. She’s not a Time Lord, she’s a Gallifreyan. They’re Gallifreyan. Lee is a ‘companion’, Gat is implied to have been the same. He gives up his very life for the Doctor Ruth, she’s the most important thing to him. - the Doctor Ruth does not speak of him again - shows very little grief. The emotional devotion inherent to normal/classic Doctor-Companion bond is militarised and it seems - institutionalised....and it’s not a good thing AT ALL - like class hierarchies and servitude. This is CLEARLY contrasted with Thirteen and her fam mending their relationship through honesty and faith and THEM lifting HER up - BY REJECTING explicitly that she’s so much older/more powerful/superior.

3. The Doctor Ruth was a soldier. She carries a gun. Her TARDIS looks much closer to the original standard version. She has a GUN, even if she mostly threatens and does deadly tricks with it - she expresses pure disdain for the sonic - the thing that the Doctor uses to learn things and open and fix things with... She’s a twisted mirror image - but she also apparently knows that ‘the Doctor’ does not use guns - and she ran from Gallifrey.

4. Gat serves the ‘glory’ of a shadowy empire of Gallifrey.

I absolutely loved the Doctor going fuck u to the Doctor Ruth (Jodie plays that so perfectly lol) and talking anyway and then speeching about the ash and bones of Gallifrey. Great stuff. And honestly I loved them syncing and some good old ragging on each other’s style choices. Are we going to get some payoff on this weird no gun policy....?

What I found super weird though is the Doctor doing that annoying thing where the script makes her state the obvious and then the Doctor Ruth ACTUALLY COMMENTS ON IT? That she’s being fucking dumb. I don’t know how to take that. I find a choice like that from a writer annoying! But now it’s acknowledged as a character trait! What. But it fits right into Doctor-Companion commentary - i.e. earlier Doctors being callously snarky to companions.

I’m just a bit iffy about the Doctor just letting this go????? Why not REALLY interrogate this random version of yourself???? Once again plot frustrates logic and character.

Middle of the series and we get this. Chibs went from ‘no arc’ to ‘ARC CONSTANTLY’. I don’t mind it - but i do find it disorienting.

I LOVED ALL THE JUDOON RHYMING. also i loved the WHOLE confrontation between the Doctor and the Judoon it was INCREDIBLE.

[beauzoleils]

ABIGAIL  COWEN ,  CISFEMALE ,  SHE / HER    →   according  to  the  school  records ,  NATALIE  LUCILLE  BEAUSOLEIL  has  been  attending  sacred  heart  for  the  past  three  years .  i  last  saw  them   hanging  around  the  john  bracken  library  ;  i  think  they  were  working  on  writing  her  novel .  at  twenty - one  years  old ,  natalie  has  been  studying  english  literature  and  get  this ,  i   heard  that  she’ll  zone  out  while  writing  papers  for  class  and  come  to  surrounded  by  pages  and  pages  full  of  archaic  languages  she  doesn’t  speak   —   figure  it’s  true ?  everyone  around  here  always  associates  them  with  a  moonlight  sonata  echoing  through  empty  halls ,  seats  in  the�� back  row  at  the  opera ,  and  dead  flowers  pressed  between  the  pages  of  an  old  book .  in  the  time  since  these  strange  happenings ,  they  have  encountered  unexplained  occurrences .     

HI ,  hello .  i’m  hannah  n  this  is  like .  the  only  thing  i’ve  been  thinking  about  recently ,  aka  i’m  so  excited .  ok  anyway !  i’m  20 ,  kickin  it  in  the  est !  i’m  a  full  time  student  ( majoring  in  being  a  dumb  bitch  n  gay  rights  and  i’m  at  the  top  of  my  class  baby . . )  and  i’m  ALSO  a  preschool  teacher  so  if  i’m  ever  Not  here ,  i’m  with  my  babies  ! !  but  that  isn’t  the  reason  why  ur  all  here . .   ur  here  for  an  intro  post !  so !  

let’s  talk  abt  my  girl . . .  𝐍𝐀𝐓𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐄  𝐁𝐄𝐀𝐔𝐒𝐎𝐋𝐄𝐈𝐋 !

okay .  so .  first  thing’s  first .  i  have  some  Real  Things  prepared  for  my  girl ,  including  but  not  limited  to :

a  pinterest  board !

a  stats  page !

and  what  i  call  NATALIE :  A  TRAGEDY  IN  THREE  ACTS .  it’s  kind  of  a  bio ,  mixed  in  with  some  stage  directions  here  and  there .  it’s  a  quick  read  n  rly  gives  you  that  Natalie  Flavor  if  you  know  what  i  mean . .  so  if  you  feel  so  inclined  n  wanna  take  a  look . .  but  full  disclosure  it  rly  does  hit  different  than  just  reading  this  intro 

anyway !  i’ll  give  a  more  condensed  version  of  her  bio  here  n  some  info  abt  her  personality  n  some  random  headcanons . .  etc !

𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓  𝐈 :  𝑨 𝑯𝑰𝑺𝑻𝑶𝑹𝒀

alright  SO .  our  girl  natalie  was  born  on  april  13 ,  1952  to  michel  and  colette  beausoleil .  it  was  a  thursday ,  and  it  was  ALSO  eleven  weeks  before  colette’s  due  date ,  so  we  all  know  that  can’t  be  good 

( spoiler  alert :  it  wasn’t )

natalie  was  supposed  to  be  a  twin ,  but  the  other  baby  ( a  boy  named  pierre )  didn’t  survive .  they  didn’t  think  that  natalie  would ,  but  she did !  unfortunately ,  her  parents  were  too  wounded  by  the  loss  of  their  other  baby  and  it  was  all grieving  and  no  celebrating .  

also .  there’s  more  info  abt  her  parents  n  how  they  met  in  the  bio  but ,  a  sparknotes  version  is  that  michel  was  a  playwright  in  paris  and  colette  was  a  ballerina / his  muse  and  they  rushed  into  a  marriage 

michel  made  it  rly  big  a  couple  yrs  after  natalie  was  born  and  so  they  decided  to  use  that  $ $ $  to  send  natalie  away  to  an  expensive  boarding  school  in  london  called  our  lady  of  sacred  suffering .  it  was ,  of  course ,  a  catholic  girls  boarding  school  and  natalie  hated  it  there

but  they  hated  natalie  there  bc  she  was  just  the  WORST  catholic  school  girl  of  all  time ,  so  it  was  mutual

meanwhile ,  her  relationship  w  her  parents  is . .  very  complicated .  her  dad  is  just  kind  of  The  Worst  across  the  board ,  very  reliant  on  drinking ,  definitely  got  into  drug  use  at  some  point ,  had  lots  of  affairs  with  the  young  actresses  in  his  plays .  and  colette  was  just . .  very  sad  and  very  absent  so  the  support  was  Minimal

natalie  has  a  lot  of  issues  that  are  all  rooted  in  her  childhood  tbh .

somewhere  along  the  way ,  she  found  a  deep  passion  for  Writing  and  developed  this  sense  of  purpose  and  for  a  minute  things  were  going  very  well 

which  we  all  know  means  things  are  about  to  get  WORSE . 

on  her  eighteenth  birthday ,  natalie  receieves  a  card  in  the  mail  from  her  mother  for  the  First  Time  Ever .  and  she  immediately  is  like .  huh .  well .  something  is  Wrong .

she’s  right .

( tw :  nondescript  mentions  of  car  crashes  &  death )

a  week  later ,  she  receives  word  that  her  parents  were  involved  in  a  serious  car  accident  at  the  pont  de  l’alma  tunnel  in  paris  and  her  did  not  survive  the  accident .

( end  tw )

her  mother’s  family  is  not  convinced  that  michel  should  walk  away  from  this  without  blame  and  decides  to  take  legal  action  against  him  and  get  him  convicted  with  a  more  serious  charge  than  just  manslaughter . 

they  promise  to  keep  natalie  out  of  it  as  much  as  possible  but  when  it  comes  time  to  testify  as  to  whether  or  not  michel  had  a  history  of  not  caring  about  colette’s  life  and  well - being ,  the  only  one  who  can  speak  to  it  is  natalie .

so  she  testifies  and  it’s  her  testimony  that  is  the  metaphorical  nail  in  the  coffin .  

( tw :  suicide  mention )

michel  knows  it ,  too .  that’s  what  natalie  thinks .  he  turns  up  dead  in  his  jail  cell  the  day  before  he’s  supposed  to  be  sentenced .  she  never  knows  if  he  deserved  the  life  sentence  he  was  going  to  be  given .

( end  tw ) 

so  then !  she’s  an  orphan !  but  she  does  gain  control  over  everything  that  her  parents  left  behind ,  which  turns  out  to  be  a  lot .  

she  sells  their  house  in  paris ,  goes  to  wales  to  begin  university ,  and  hasn’t  gone  back  since  then .  but  like ,  she  grew  up  in  london  for  the  most  part  so  she’s  not  exactly  sad  about  being  away  from  paris  and  all  the  ghosts  there .

and  now  she’s  at  sacred  heart ,  working  on  writing  her  debut  novel ,  which  is  the  ( albeit ,  dramatized  and  fictionalized )  story  of  her  parents !

𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓  𝐈𝐈 :  𝑨  𝑺𝑼𝑴𝑴𝑨𝑹𝒀 .

so  basically ,  she’s  got  issues .

fictional  character  inspo  includes :  jo  march ,  alaska  young ,  cheryl  blossom

if  you  know  anything  abt  astrology . .  she’s  an  aries  sun ,  mercury ,  and  venus . .  and  a  scorpio  moon  and  mars . .  and  a  gemini  rising . .  i’m  so  sorry JKDSFM

she’s  very  emotional  but  does  a  super  good  job  of  hiding  it  and  keeping  all  those  emotions  ( esp  the  intense  n  darker  ones )  buried  away . .  deep  down  where  no  one  could  see  it

the  minute  that  ppl  kind  of  ? ?  but  two  and  two  together  n  realize  who  she  is  ( bc . .  in  my  head . .  her  dad’s  whole  trial  was  kind  of .  A  Thing  that  the  public  knew  abt . )  they’re  probably  rly  concerned  w  Little  she  shows  any  real  emotion  to  the  whole  thing . 

rly  she’s  just  the  queen  of  compartmentalizing  n  repressing !

she’s  very . .  Assertive .  like ,  when  she  wants  something  she’s  going  to  do  whatever  it  takes  to  get  her  way  

very  Very  reckless .  she’s  like . .  so  fucking  impulsive  that  it  physically  Pains  me  sometimes .

she’s  very  smart  but  like .  More  So ,  she’s  very  clever  and  very  sharp  with  her  words .  a  very  fast  thinker  and  a  very  loud  talker 

someone  please . .  tell  her  to  stop  yelling .  she  needs  to  Relax . 

she’s  very  charming  i’ll  say  it .  n  like ?  seems  cool ?  the  kind  of  person  that  you  meet  and  immediately  want  to  hang  out  w  them .  

very  flirty ,  has  always  used  that  charming  smile  of  hers  to  get  ppl  in  her  corner  and  she’s  not  gonna  stop  now !  she’s  very  good  at  making  ppl  feel  special  

but  like .  she  means  well  most  of  the  time  sdkfj  her  heart  is  in  the  right  place  okay

big  time  trust  issues .  big  time  commitment  issues .  painfully  independent  and  refuses  to  let  anyone  know  how  much  she  cares  about  them  until  she’s  like . .  Really  sure  that  they  aren’t  going  to  hurt  her

also  very  afraid  of  hurting  people ,  which  is  another  reason  why  she  struggles  to  get  attached  to  people .  she  definitely  has  this  deep - rooted  fear  that  Bad  Things  follower  her  and  she  doesn’t  want  to  drag  ppl  into  that

it’s  literally  a  toss - up  as  to  whether  she’s  going  to  seem  like  she’s  demanding  ur  attention  or  entirely  disinterested  in  it .  bc  she’s  all  over  the  place . 

but  like .  i’m  an  emotional  BITCH  so  she’s  probably  going  to  end  up  being  100000%  softer  than  i  intend  bc  i  project  too  much  soft  bitch  energy  onto  my  characters  Always .

𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓  𝐈𝐈𝐈 :  𝑪𝑶𝑵𝑵𝑬𝑪𝑻𝑰𝑶𝑵𝑺 .

so  many  things .  literally ,  anything .  just  a  disclaimer ,  if  u  read  thru  this  and  had  An  Idea  then  like .  yes  Pls  tell  me ,  i  want  it  xoxo 

but  here  are  some  i  have  up  in  the  old . .  noggin .

EXES .  please ,  please . .  for  the  love  of  GOD  give  me  some  angsty  exes  nonsense .  do  you  need  someone  who  broke  ur  characters  heart ?  consider  natalie  UR  GIRL .  she’s  Emotionally  Damaged  and  has  the  capacity  to  be  the  angstiest  ex  of  all  time ,  okay ?

give  her  a  weakness .  she  needs  someone  who  she’s  Actually  vulnerable  around  and  actually  sees  her  have  emotions  and  knows  she’s  not  just  this  huge  Mess  all  the  time

i  rly  want  someone  that  is  like .  from  the  same  ( ish )  bg  as  her  in  the  sense  that  like . .  they  also  were  surrounded  by  nice  clothes  n   expensive  private  schools  n  Luxury  but  like .  they  Thrive  in  it  the  way  natalie  used  to  wish  that  she  could .  n  just .  i  think  it  would  b  a  super  interesting  dynamic  bc  they  would  just !  clash !  so  intensely ! !  n  tbh  nat  would  probably  b  lowkey  jealous  Still  n .  spicy !

@ all  those  ppl  who  are  into  theatre :  i’m  Dying  for  some  connections  of  ppl  who  knew / knew  of  her  father  n  would  know  what  happened  w  him  perhaps  on  a  deeper  level  than  ppl  who  read  it  in  the  newspaper  a  few  yrs  ago . .  ( bonus  points  if  they  lowkey  idolized / looked  up  to  her  dad  bc  thats  a  Big  Mess  and  could  b  spicy  as  fuck  to  explore ,  u know ? ) 

idk  if  any  of  y’all  have  characters  who  grew  up  in / around  paris ?  but  if  there  are . .  then  Perhaps  someone  who  knew  her  in  her  youth ?

okay .  not  to  be  Trash  but  like .  i  rly  want  her  to  have  a  dynamic  that’s  jo  x  laurie  adjacent ?  do  they  have  to  be  in  love  w  her ?  no !  i  just  want someone  that  has  that  genuine  bond  w  her  and  they  care  abt  each  other  n  goof  around  n  like . .  i’m  already  getting  soft  on  main ,  huh , ,

she’s  soo  fucking  messy  that  like . .  all  the  messy  fwb / frenemies  with  benefits / one  night  stand  type  of  plots . .  yes  pls 

i  always  want  there  to  b  a  badass  girl  squad  like .  a  group  of  ladies  n  theydies  that  take  no  shit  n  get  in  fights  for  each  other  n  rly  truly  ride  or  die  w  each  other . .  we  can  workshop  the  name  ok  but  for  now ?  my  girl  squad  is  open  for  applications 

okay .  let  me  cut  myself  off  right  there  but  i’ll  leave  you  with  my  WANTED  CONNECTIONS  TAG  n  also  again  i’m 10000%  okay  to  just  brainstorm  out  something  else  completely  if  its  what  ur  feeling !

if  u  read  all / any  of  this . .  i  love  u . <3  either hmu on discord ( let's go 𝓁𝑒𝓈𝒷𝒾𝒶𝓃𝓈 ! #6227 ) ksdjfskm  OR !  like  this  n  i  will  come  to  u !  okay ,  that’s  all ,  bye 

[okaybutlikeimagine]

3 with mike??

3.    a song tied to a specific moment in your life

{TW: mentions of survivor’s guilt}

hello there! okay so i feel like the initial thought here is to do something w/ mileven bc.... canon. we all know canon.

but THEN i was like: I 100% agree w/ the people who say that Mike and Will have 1. been in each other’s lives for so long 2. are so dedicated to each other 3. care about each other so much that it’s NEARLY insane that I was like, maybe I should do Byeler.

BUT THEN i was thinking about how deprived we are of Nancy and Mike being siblings.

bc I have a real damn bad relationship w/ my sister. We just don’t get along by any means of the word, we are in no way, shape, or form compatible, and it’s so hard to exist around her w/o wanting to just.... scratch my eyes out. but I WANT to have a good sibling relationship and it makes me upset that the only really good, supportive sibling relationship we see is Will and Jonathan (which is why i adore writing Billy and Max) so I’m going to fix that because!!!! shared trauma, my guys!!!!

Mike and Nancy have shared trauma!! everyone does, everyone went through some goddamn bullshit at very young ages, esp in the first season, but i just need everyone to think about the parallels here. and I’m sure people have pointed them out, but both Mike and Nancy thought they lost their close childhood friends. (?? not 100% sure how long Nancy knew Barb for but it’s a damn small town so probably a very long time) Except, Mike got his friend back and Nancy had to watch, fully knowing that she would never get that same reunion. That she would never get to see Barb’s mother and father hug her tight like that again. That she would never be able to smile and laugh and share jokes w/ her friend again and not because of anything normal but bc their town is FUCKED and some goddamn supernatural thing that’s barely fucking tangible to her has taken Barb away. That she fucking died cold and alone and afraid and feeling so unwanted. Imagine the survivor’s guilt Nancy was feeling immediately after??

and I know the whole “Justice for Barb” thing got a little out of control and I’d agree that it did as well, they definitely could have done it better than just cutting Nancy and Jonathan off from the group bc Memes, but I think that portraying some kind of survivor’s guilt was important.

and I just... think that Mike would see this pain. Mike is The most emotional boy of the group. He’s emotional and slightly dramatic and just doesn’t shy away from his feelings so I 100% think that Mike would see Nancy’s pain.

so ANYWAY i want us all to think about Nancy listening to a mixtape Jonathan made for her after this whole thing went down. and on it is the song Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word - Elton John. (and we can talk about other reasons why Jonathan would put this song on the mixtape, SURE, but y’know when you listen to a sad song and specifically pick out the lines that pertain to what you’re sad about right now?? that’s what Nancy is doing.)

and it’s playing pretty loudly and Mike can hear it from down the hallway as he’s headed to his room. And he kind of tip toes his way over to Nancy’s room and hears her sobs. He’s a little surprised that he can hear it over the music but he hears them. They sound deep and consuming and miserable. He knocks lightly, hears a hiccup, and opens the door slowly to see-

His sister. Nancy. Curled up sitting on her bed, knees pulled into her chest and chin laying on her arm. Her eyes, red and puffy and shiny, turn to Mike, before she rubs her face on her arm to get rid of all of the wetness gathered at her cheeks.

And Mike walks slow, real slow, bc he’s never seen Nancy this upset before, this absolutely broken before, and it’s putting too much pressure in his chest. It feels awful. He can see the stress and sadness in her eyebrows as she sits there and looks away from him like she’s embarrassed. But she shouldn’t be. He knows she shouldn’t be.

Because Mike isn’t stupid. He can see it’s been hard.

and yes, he was a little blinded for a bit about the fact that he got his friend back, his absolute best friend back, a little blinded about the fact that he still lost this amazing new girl that he grew so much love and care for, and couldn’t exactly see the situation of everything else. Couldn’t see the people around him, even if they were only a few doors down from his room. Couldn’t see Nancy never changing out of her pajamas, not going to school for a good week, wearing the same sweater every day because it was the one she wore when she went out with Barb for the last time and if she wore it maybe Barb would come back. Couldn’t see that same sweater in their trash can a few weeks later because Nancy couldn’t bear to wear it anymore knowing that Barb was never going to come back.

He became a little deaf too. A little deaf to the cries of Nancy after school. A little deaf to the way she’d yell at their mom when she got a little too overwhelmed. A little deaf to the things she listened to.

but it became clear. The fog lifted and it became abundantly clear to Mike that this was Nancy mourning. Grieving. Wailing in the night in the quietest way possible. Bc while some people probably would want to wail, Nancy hid. She hid and she curled up and she cried. Ever the tough one. Ever the girl with the shield shaped like her school binder.

But now here she is and the memory will forever be burned in Mike’s mind bc there’s Nancy absolutely torn. Unraveled and tumbling towards nothing with no one but her thoughts. And Mike can feel the sadness in the room as he crawls up into her bed with her and sits next to her. Lets Elton John sing ~What do I do when lightning strikes me? And I wake to find that you’re not there.~

And Nancy sobs a little more and Mike watches his sister and feels it all inside of him. Because he felt this too. he felt that all consuming horror in his chest when Will was missing. When Will’s body was found. When El said there was a sign. When everything was happening and every day it got harder to believe any chance of hope but he felt more desperate to try and believe it. But he got the happy ending. Mike got the best possible scenario and it’s hard to be blind of that anymore. He’s not blind to it anymore bc he’s living with someone who got the opposite.

And Mike lays his head on Nancy’s shoulder, trying to give any kind of support because the song is right... ~What do I say when it’s all over? And sorry seems to be the hardest word~

Because Mike does feel sorry. Some part of him feels sorry that Will was alive and Barb wasn’t. That they both couldn’t be alive. That he’s here able to keep living with his best friend while Nancy has to watch Will come over and know Barb will never again walk through those doors and accept one of Mrs. Wheeler’s cookies with a polite smile on her face.

But he also feels like he shouldn’t say it. He’s not really sorry that Will is alive. He doesn’t know what he’s feeling. He’s just... so distraught over seeing his sister this way. And he knows the situation is sad and absurd and... insane. Something that no one at their ages should ever have to face but that doesn’t take the pain away so Mike just sits there, laying his head on Nancy’s shoulder and feeling her own head and face turns towards the top of his head, sobbing into it. And they sit there, and Nancy plays the song over and over and Mike lets her. Mike sits and listens and feels himself start to cry with her because this whole thing has been so fucked up and they need each other. And they’re both so happy to have each other.

[morethanonepage]

Hey so I think about John Constantine a lot because who doesn't, but lately I've just been thinking about how like, he's often portrayed as like, really competent when it come to magic and I'm just over here like No!! hes a dumbass! he doesn't know what hes doing! sure hes smart at times and he has studied, but typically hes not just doing intricate rituals and casting spells, instead hes relying on other people and his wits, not magic. anyways i have feelings

Honestly and after much thought and soul searching (I don’t have a life) I’ve come to what should’ve been a really obvious conclusion: it’s because if he’s on a team he has to serve a narrative function. Like if you put John on a team he has to be adding something to it, and esp if it’s a team put together by someone else (i mean it would have to be – John’s not going around looking to be involved in anything where he has to be around reliably and do things for other people) it looks bad for the team-maker to have picked john if he’s like, incompetent.

And I don’t think John is really incompetent, i just think the point of John in hellblazer is, he’s selfish and self interested and as good as he needs to be but no more. Hellblazer usually just handwaves it as ‘i did a thing and it worked kinda’, bc Hellblazer is my kind of magic universe that gives no fucks. But he’s good enough at survival and sometimes that means saving the world (seeing as he lives in it) and everything else is just, him bumbling along and bumping into spooky shit (and also never being fully willing to remove himself from the spooky shit life, even when he knows it’s going to ruin his relationships). 

But that’s the sort of personal exploration/commentary that makes sense for a book that’s just about John & his mess. LoT/JLD care less about that -- they just need A Magic User -- and it looks weird if they pick a magic user who’s shit at it, it wouldn’t make any sense, so instead, he’s Good At Magic But A Jerk (who just needs A Team to fix him). And like he is, but as a trope (Competent Man Who’s A Jerk) it’s a little less interesting to me. 

Of course now a lot of the media that should be just John focused (more recent John Constantine-central comics, even the show to a degree) have kind of bought into the idea of him being like, good at stuff and an active character, bc again, that’s a more accessible and traditional narrative. They make him have like actual goals (saving his soul, seeing his mom again, etc) when that wasn’t as much of a thing in Hellblazer. Like the guilt over Astra and even his mother was a thing, but a thing in the way of ‘a reason for John to wallow in how shit he is (and consider leaving Magic behind)’ and not ‘a motive for John to go out into the world and try to take care of supernatural threats.’ 

I mean at least in the show it took some pushing -- having Chas be part of that push, bc he is more goal oriented [and in the comics too, btw: not so much about the magic stuff but about, i’m going to get a job and a wife and a child and be as different as possible from my mother kind of way] was a choice I liked, but in general I always had some trouble with the Manny stuff in terms of ‘here’s your chance to redeem yourself for Astra’ being a goal post John was theoretically working towards. Like he fought against it with some regularity at least, but idk, it was one of my problems with the whole concept of Constantine (2014), which was aggressively network American TV in its framing, with too much focus on ‘oh but look we showed him smoking!!! and being a dick!!!!’ instead of like, thought about why stuff like the smoking and the dickishness and the bisexuality mattered in the comics.

Like the closest the show got to understanding John’s relationship with magic was the bit with Papa Midnite where he was like ‘you use bits and pieces of a million magical traditions with no respect or understanding for them,’ which really highlighted the weird colonial/appropriative nature of John’s magic, but even that seemed to have few if any consequences for john, so :/

[majormeilani]

theory and analysis

okay so this is all just something that i came up with along with the help of a friend (@moosensweaters) and maybe a few other things i've come across. 

of course this is all just observations that we made and none of it may be actually true so don't freak out but-- it's a theory and analysis that involves some elements of the show that may or may not be spoilery so??? read at your own risk or watch the show first before reading. (it also makes more sense if you do!!)

 it pertains to the slight mystery of some of the strange occurrences and is an attempt to explain why they happen. also buckle in because this shit is long as fuck 

@moosensweaters could elaborate on some of the things i missed too bc i certainly didn’t catch every detail!!!

 now i know that A LOT of the show is based around the use of visual gags and circumstances that an adult cartoon would have and it's not really plot heavy in any way but hear me out. 

 now, jasper is likely dead but the matter of circumstance that it happened is.... unusual? 

but first we have to delve into who exactly jasper is. 

so in the first episode that we see jasper (s1e5), he appears as any other kid:

but throughout the episode, even though it's likely because of the fact that they are trying to find the "ghosts and monsters" jasper seems..... uneasy and afraid?

esp in the lab and when they find the things in the.... torture chamber?   

and at the end of the episode he... fades away like a ghost?

and keep in mind he was on spooky island; a place not many people head to except with the intent of whatever......... gross stuff quartermaster is doing. but the thing about him is he looks unscathed and youthful. 

which implies he did die there. 

jasper also talks with outdated slang and mentions toys and products you don't hear or see much about nowadays. his clothes are also worn in a dated style. when he first talks to the trio and tries to join them in solving a "mystery" he references "a gang of mystery solvers like the harlem globetrotters," who are a basketball team who appeared on scooby doo once in an episode in the 70s.

another small thing to point out is his shoes. he mentions that they "light up the night" which is later called back in s2ep2. the shoes in question are la gear light up shoes, which were a product sold around the early 90s and are also sports shoes. a minor thing to inference is that he may be affiliated with sports in some way as his chosen camp. these shoes, according to wikipedia, were used to locate lost or stranded people as well. but that's a minute detail. 

oh another thing is that the creators did not give him a shadow as a ghost but one when he was living!!!

but back to jasper's shoes.

now something many have noticed is how jasper's shoes change from in david's story and from the rest of the time that he's shown in other episodes. 

 shoes in spooky island ep:

 shoes in jasper dies at the end:

shoes in night of the living ill: 

so what a friend and i have come to assume is that jasper might have thrown his shoes off a cliff of some sort or disposed of them in anger after his disqualification from the order because of them. the pair that he is shown wearing in the episodes, aside from jasper dies at the end, are likely his old pair of shoes before he got his la gear light ups, which could have been sent to him via mail from his parents. (s2ep2 the kids apparently can get mail sent to the camp so that's probably why). i think that the WERE new shoes because in jasper dies at the end, he mentions his shoes to be "fresh kicks," implying that he had a previous pair. and he may have died while wearing the other pair of shoes.

so in david's story in the episode "jasper dies at the end," (loosely based on the story "john dies at the end" which in itself is a fairly.... confusing story) jasper is shown at the end of the episode to have survived both the fall from the cliff and a bear attack. which is strange for many reasons but not impossible. but if that didn't kill him what did? 

the basic plot in that episode: campbell is holding the order of the sparrow ceremony and jasper is awarded the title of the best camper and the staff is passed to him. quartermaster tells campbell how to complete the ceremony is to go on a trek without the use of technology and return with a stick from a tree on a high up mountain. from here we see that younger david breaks in as a fairly rebellious kid saying that the whole trek sounds like a stupid idea. and from then on, one of the counselors points out that david should join them on the trek so he can feel more used to the nature. and thus the events of the trek bring them up the mountain and in an attempt to retrieve the stick jasper falls to what would be his fate. 

also look at what happens when jasper falls:

david seems concerned for jasper. but campbell? merely a "hmm?" and an unconcerned, apathetic reaction. like the possibility of death is an everyday sight for him. 

and who rushes to jasper's aid? david

NOT CAMPBELL

who only comes over when jasper has already fallen off the cliff

and proceeds to pull a knife on david 

another small detail to note is how the children (the trio, max, nikki, neil) don't seem to recall anyone named jasper (WHO THEY MET PRIOR TO THE STORY), either meaning in the moment that he (jasper) introduced himself they weren't listening or david didn't say jasper's name in his story. 

but what's really interesting about david's story up to that point is why would it include the possible idea of a kid dying? why did campbell later stab and kill those bears in the cave? why would jasper outright say "i'm definitively not dead?" and more importantly why would david include a detail of campbell pulling a knife on him after jasper fell?

what i'm thinking is: david possibly confused two of his memories when trying to cope with the death of his friend or tried to repress the memory with a "happy" memory he shared with jasper. 

now, i don't think that jasper died from a bear attack nor a fall from a cliff but i'm certain that campbell had something to do with it. 

when you consider campbell's character he's a scumbag and works well as an antagonist, esp pertaining to the season 2 finale. 

campbell doesn't have a problem harming anyone or anything and doesn't care much for others. he's selfish and greedy and manipulative so i have no doubts that he would kill a child.

 and here in lies the case of jasper's death:

campbell likely murdered him and david witnessed it.

considering all the shit that campbell does off-screen and the addition of the strange bloodied bag quartermaster was dragging in s1ep2 and the torture chamber as i mentioned before it makes the most sense. what we think really happened is either jasper or david got curious about spooky island and lead the other over to the island to explore it.

they brought along their pogs and jasper wore his old pair of shoes either to keep the la gear shoes clean or because they were the only shoes he had left. i have a feeling that this exploration took place after the events of jasper dies at the end and david may have been the lead in taking them there. probably wanting to learn more about his idol. 

through their exploration, they may have stumbled upon one or many of campbell's secrets that he was trying to keep hidden and campbell found the two of them there and tried to kill jasper in an attempt to keep his secret hidden and threatened david's life into having him swear to never tell anyone or he would kill him. and thus, david likely will do anything to make campbell happy and cover up any of his lies and scams out of fear of him trying to kill him.

i mean, david seems afraid of campbell being disappointed in him as he wants him to be proud of him and loves when he gets praise from him-- so it's almost as though he idolizes him in fear? or even that he has tried to use his optimistic outlook on life on campbell and made it up in his mind that campbell is good or meant well. maybe campbell even manipulated david into thinking jasper deserved what he got. 

maybe it's part of the reason he "loves" the camp so much despite how terrible and underdeveloped the camp is. 

also something worth noting is this small scene from night of the living ill: 

which means.........

he died on spooky island. in campbell's mansion.

but we're not done here 

 though this is has less to do with jasper and more to do with campbell another part of the theory is that the correlation of the events in

cult camp and campbell's absence throughout the fact.

okay so in the beginning of the episode, gwen bursts in the counselor's cabin to alert david that she posted an ad in the newspaper, intent on trying to get another person to help out around the camp. she mentions that she "found a stash of cash campbell hid in the quartermaster's store behind a box of grenades." now, campbell could be forgetful or trying to hide some of his cash elsewhere as a back up OR he could have hidden it in hopes that gwen would find it. he probably is well aware that gwen hates it there and would do anything to leave, and thus may have left it for her to find.  

now immediately after gwen nabs david by his bandanna, there's a knock at the door that reveals the infamous daniel. now, daniel's character is really just an off-color david with different attire. yet? despite the other character's pointing it out, david does not see the resemblance between him and daniel and won't believe the kids when they say something is wrong. the page in the newspaper that flips to show daniel is a dangerous person also leads gwen to flee from the camp to save her own life.

now, how does daniel end up looking so similar to david? that might be because campbell likely came in contact with daniel and was intent on trying to kill off everyone there through the use of david's obliviousness and may have hired him to do just that. the motivation i'm not particular on but i think he may have been trying to rid of his scam summer camp as a means to pretend like "what? a summer camp under my name! i have no such thing!" because..... campbell is the kind of guy to do such a thing.

campbell probably had daniel attempt to resemble david as much as possible to try and lower any of david's suspicions and to follow along with the sing off just to keep david from thinking anymore of it. however, even though daniel had a plan to use brainwashing and poison to kill everyone, he ends up failing and poisoning himself with his own concoction out of likely arrogance. i'm not sure.... why he did but he may have gotten so caught up in wanting to be the best that he failed.

daniel's dialogue also sounds unnatural at times, as if he were given a script of some kind to study to play the part: 

 "Smell that fresh mountain air! Gosh, now that's the kind of nature you don't just find in any ol' neck of the woods!" 

 "My name is Daniel. Your camp counselor applicant. I hope it's not too late to submit my resume." 

 "Well, sadly, my old camp was recently shut down. And even since I've been searching night and day for a new group of eager young kiddos I can help to educate and reach their full potential!"

not to mention he imitates, moves the same way and even says this line at the same time david does:

"Aw, Gwen, are you sure?" 

almost as though campbell had a part in sending daniel there. and after daniel fails at trying to kill the camp, jen comes in right after. which means, jen was campbell's plan b if daniel failed since campbell was likely overseeing the whole event play out and had to continue on with her. and of course, jen plays into the things that make gwen who she is and the similarities blind her to the fact that jen is also an equally dangerous person. which, only campbell and david would probably know those thing about her enough to use them against her and david would never use them against her and that leaves campbell as a candidate for sending her there. plus, campbell always seems to have "plan b's" when it comes to anything. 

this lead the friend of mine to think that campbell may be a cultist or something. 

i personally think that campbell is just a awful person with connections and ties to the wrong kind of people. 

he's probably power and money hungry and could not care less about who he hurts to get what he wants. 

and i'm almost worried for the well-being of david and the others because the last we see of campbell he leaves with this statement:

............ but then again it is just a comedy cartoon-  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

feel free to share what ya’ll think too!!!!

[nimmieameetree]

i'm just going to send you the same web series back: unups, tgtr, nmtd, 12gw

STRAP IN KIDS

unups

my all-time ultimate fave character: frick i do. not. know. i love all the women???? (Erica has a special place in my heart bc she’s jewish and good and makes stupid jokes + she’s autistic and nonbinary I dont make the FREAKIN RULES)

a character I didn’t used to like but now do: Senna, mostly cos she attacked Gemma when she first showed up but damn if she hasn’t been added to the autistic forever girl list i love her

a character I used to like but now don’t: no one, really. Everyone set up to be good is good so far

a character I’m indifferent about: Alistair probably. The thing is this is Parafable we are talking about (and his actor is nb), and I’m pretty sure he’s going to get some redemption stuff later on but rn i am hmmm. Also Mrs Grey who i’m mainly just sus of.

a character who deserved better: i was gonna say senna but she ended up getting crowned leader lmao. Probably gem but just bc we didn’t get enough time after the Big Climactic Scenes

a ship I’ve never been able to get into: zero all the canon/hinted at ships are good ones and i’m into them

a ship I’ve never been able to get over: gemathaaaaaaa (also briar rose is like the most Iconic lesbian pining shit i’ve ever seen tbh)

a cute, low-key ship: jake/wally (bc wally/daphne is not lowkey, it’s beautiful and highkey and i love it)

an unpopular ship but I still enjoyed it: ? Megan/anyone lmao she’s a gay i’ve already decided

a ship that was totally wrong and never should have happened: early on ppl were talking alistair/agatha and some part of me feels like if she hadn’t been gay/the fandom had been bigger ppl might still be (no tea no shade to those who assumed, y’all’d been trained into it by lesser shows)

my favourite storyline/moment: … when those girls held hands and saved the world/any time wally and agatha had a Good Sibling Moment

a storyline that never should have been written: none i mean things made me sad (daphne’s ex being shitty) but like… they were supposed to and not in a malicious way.

my first thoughts on the show: im hype for this angry girl

my thoughts now: IM HYPE FOR ALL THESE GIRLS (and these two soft boys) (and this nerdy nonbinary) give me M O R E

The Grey Tarmac Road

my all-time ultimate fave character: Nimmie Tree, oft mentioned autistic princess of my heart (can you believe we have a canon autistic woman of colour in this the year of our lord 2017 and she’s treated well by the narrative???)

a character I didn’t used to like but now do: Ozma although I lowkey liked her from the start because coded lesbian characters have ruined attractive female villains for me forever Also like, Trudy’s mum? Can you believe she got character development even tho she was never even freakin on screen what the heck.

a character I used to like but now don’t: i don’t think there’s anyone. The wizard’s not very good at being an adult but i didn’t start off liking him so

a character I’m indifferent about: don’t think anyone fits here

a character who deserved better: They were all treated well but Nimmie’s backstory is so rough and I’m glad baby girl gets a happy ever after

a ship I’ve never been able to get into: zero

a ship I’ve never been able to get over: trudy/nimmie what a goooood

a cute, low-key ship: omar/adam

an unpopular ship but I still enjoyed it: boqemma are great and good. coreone are cute as. Also like I don’t Ship It i guess but it’s good that lin and leone happened? yknow?

a ship that was totally wrong and never should have happened: shrug

my favourite storyline/moment: … The entirety of Trudy’s stay at west was really well done, and the arguments in the show were really good. AND EVERY TIME NIMMIE AND OMAR HAD A GOOD SIBLING MOMENT. Also Leone’s reunion with gideon dang!!

a storyline that never should have been written: Zero I kinda wish there’d been more on the mental health stuff, like saying on camera what cyrus was diagnosed with etc

my first thoughts: ok i will watch this thing ingrid made it seems nice

my thoughts now: this show… owns me and will forever…….

NMTD

my all-time ultimate fave character: Meg or Ursula probs

a character I didn’t used to like but now do: nobody

a character I used to like but now don’t: yeesh balthazar (my hc version is still alright but damn)

a character I’m indifferent about: peter/dro

a character who deserved better: meg and ursula

a ship I’ve never been able to get into: bea/peter/benedick and a lotta the m/f ships

a ship I’ve never been able to get over: bea/meg (meg/any woman tbh)

a cute, low-key ship: hersula

an unpopular ship but I still enjoyed it: cora/any woman

a ship that was totally wrong and never should have happened: hero/john why did it exist why

my favourite storyline/moment: the sleepover, and meg hitting robbie in the face

a storyline that never should have been written: bleerrgh or whatever it was called.

my first thoughts: ooh another one and about teenagers and they swear nice

my thoughts now: hell is empty and all the devils are here (it was a nice bit of popcorn telly but im glad to be rid of a lot of it)

12gw

my all-time ultimate fave character: HMMMMM I WONDER tammi belcik, liv close second

a character I didn’t used to like but now do: vic, curt and drew, started as them problematic boyos

a character I used to like but now don’t: shrug

a character I’m indifferent about: anthony? i mean like, he’s fine.

a character who deserved better: tammi? no im kidding she got the right amount of screentime but consider: i love her.

a ship I’ve never been able to get into: anthoren and all that other business

a ship I’ve never been able to get over: liviola, tammaria

a cute, low-key ship: oren/drew, viccurt

an unpopular ship but I still enjoyed it: 

a ship that was totally wrong and never should have happened: shrug

my favourite storyline/moment: everything liv ever did ever esp comparing the first and last episodes i love her and tammi in sunglasses

a storyline that never should have been written: none like fuck the malcolm in the dark scene was upsetting but idk how you’d do that like, better.

my first thoughts: oooooh the person who did laii is doing a thing based on 12th night, something with an almost canon trans character in…….

my thoughts now: my good show, my safe haven, creator of my forever girl tammi belcik, god bless.

[morethanonepage]

CHASTANTINE

thank you friend.

Gives nose/forehead kisses: um Chas is the obvious answer (if only bc John couldn’t reach his nose/forehead w/o the #kissingstool) but I also think that when Chas is asleep and John’s feeling particularly affectionate but not willing to show it he might do a forehead smooch. w/e w/e I just think it’d be cute. 

Gets jealous the most JOHN. Like, obviously. Maybe when they were younger Chas got jealous but by now he knows John too well and isn’t going to expend the energy on being jealous. Esp bc I bet John would try to make him jealous for the attention and he’s not going to reward bad behavior. 

Picks the other up from the bar when they’re too drunk to drive: I mean canonically:

But also I’m dying at the potential of it being the other way around like, John can’t drive, but if Chas were drunk, would he try? Would he try and catch another cab and drag Chas home? Would he end up making Chas pay for that too bc John doesn’t like, carry money? The potential for disaster delights me – any time John tries to do something decent it goes so badly, he’d probably end up hailing like a haunted serial killer cab or something and then the night ends with Chas dying, again, and at that point like you might as well have just left him at the bar, John.

Takes care of on sick days: I’m soft so obviously I like to imagine when John is sick (even just like having a bad mental health day, not uncommonly) that Chas goes full mother hen, but I imagine that’s when John sends him off to Brooklyn so he won’t be around to do it, and it’s all very tragic but sometimes Chas picks up on it and comes home early and rolls his eyes at John for being such a disaster but makes him dinner and tries to be comforting.

Drags the other person out into the water on beach day Oh god neither but I feel like more likely John, just to be a little shit. Like in the early days John dragged him to some shitty Atlantic Ocean beach when the water was freezing and gross (idk, Blackpool? Coney Island? Same dif?) and made Chas go out into it, on like the one weekend they hung out where John wasn’t hung over. 

Gives unprompted massages They’re both pretty touchy but I think Chas – like John is sitting all hunched over like an idiot and Chas just really thoughtlessly gives him a shoulder rub while checking in on how he’s doing/if he’s hungry/w/e. When Chas does it it’s without agendal but if John tries it’s foreplay, so. 

Drives/rides shotgun: Chas obviously drives, always, and gets super nervous when John, for whatever reason, ends up having to, but I’m still delighted by (and may still write, idk) a thing where Chas tried to teach him to drive (WHO ELSE WOULD, in any canon honestly) and it was such a disaster they’re both forever scarred by it.

Brings the other lunch at work: lol at John having “work” but again probably Chas. At best maybe John gets some takeaway, calls Chas to come pick him up somewhere, and offers him chips from the backseat. (Chas has a NO EATING IN THE CAB rule but like - c’mon).

Has the better parental relationship: LMFAO. I mean honestly TECHNICALLY John because at least his dad is (usually, tho it depends on the canons) still alive. Also per my recollection Thomas Constantine mellows A LITTLE (like Gemma seems to have fondish memories of him as a grandfather) so they might at least be on speaking terms. I actually don’t remember if he’s still alive in the show canon but I think yes?

Tries to start role-playing in bed: oh BOY.  Well probably John lbr but also imagine a scenario where Chas, thinking that John wants a little more ~spice~ in their love life, bc he assumes John’s more kinky/misses doing that kind of thing, awkwardly puts some scenarios out. And John’s like ok sure let’s go with that but Chas is too embarrassed about it to commit, OR IS HE? 

Embarrassingly drunk dancer: Both, but for different reasons – John does the punk jumping/flailing nonsense but Chas is like, a white dad. I mean like it’s possible that bc he’s a bigger guy Chas has like, more awareness of his body and how to move it in a dancing sphere but also: lol no. 

Still cries watching Titanic: I can’t imagine either of them watching Titanic except to make fun of it – if nothing else it’s TOO LONG and I have trouble picturing John being patient enough for that. But I think they do watch movies (John’s weirdly up on pop culture in the comics at least – like he references Star Wars/Trek and Doctor Who and This is Spinal Tap, because JOHN CONSTANTINE IS A NERD. 

Firmly believes in couples costumes: I wanna say Chas only bc I think it’s a very Brooklyn Hipster thing to do clever couples costumes (like, puns) that take A LOT of explaining and John’s like WHY THIS but Chas is like I ASK LITERALLY ONE THING OF YOU, EVER. As an aside I also imagine Chas makes the costumes (he definitely makes Geraldine’s) bc he’s handy like that. 

Breaks the expensive gift rule during Christmas: Honestly bc Chas actually has to earn his money, I think it’d be John, because he saw something nice Chas would like and like, “liberated” it. Chas is like ‘you tried so I’m not even going to ask where you got this, thank you.’

Makes the other eat breakfast: Chas usually but John apparently does like to make breakfast for his partners so when John’s in a good mood and Chas is like, willing to indulge it and eat a lot of carbs, it’s John.

Remembers anniversaries: I think both but neither of them bring it up bc what if the other didn’t remember??? They don’t want to make it weird. (but Chas is more introspective than usually kinda just being like ‘wow have I really been doing this casual unspoken maybe FWB/maybe something else thing with John for this long?? should i stop?’ but then John’s especially sweet that day bc he remember too and idk Chas is like ‘no never mind this is fine’. I mean is it tho????? who knows. Anyway they have a secret anniversary fuck and John gives him a sweet forehead kiss once he thinks Chas is asleep. #callbacks).  

Brings up having kids: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH. (my horribly sappy headcanon for this is that when they were younger (pre-Renee obviously) and doing the casual WE’RE JUST FRIENDS WHO MAKE OUT SOMETIMES thing, edging toward Legit Dating, Chas floated the idea of kids not being so bad, maybe, one day, who knows, NEVER MIND and John was like, oh no. Or else John was having some drama with his sister/his niece and/or his own father and was like ‘ugh who’d ever want to have kids, like the world needs any more needy shitty bastards in it’ and it was Chas who was like, oh no. And/or John noticed Chas wanted kids and realized that’s something he’d never be comfortable dealing with, so he did his One Decent Thing of the year and broke up with Chas over it, but in the least mature way possible, ie, cheating on Chas or saying the whole thing was getting too boring for him.)

Send a ship and I’ll tell you who: