#esp early season bc they were just

[rainbow-arrow]

congrats once again to miraculous ladybug for having four ships make the top 100 of tumblr’s ship list, despite it only being two people.

[inchidentally]

ok so I haven't done an insane and pointless landoscar post in a while so !!

I blurted most of this to @mecachrome and needed to like ground myself abt it but like.

Lando allowing himself to oscillate between extremes of Taking Your Affection For Granted/Being an Absolute Menace and Please Look at Me/Please Tell Me I'm Important to You is smth we only see him do w very very specific people. he's got to feel very secure that their attention and patience w him go hand in hand. namely we know of Max F, Jon, some of Lando's karting friends, and now Oscar. with literally everyone else he makes an effort to soften or balance himself and fit their energy (which tbh is how most of us are w friends and colleagues). but Lando is not Just Anyone and Not Just Some Guy so there's a special extra sector of friendship and affection there to be achieved if someone has the desire to.

and somehow to me it's like, Lando realizing so early on that Oscar really really really knew him and then gradually realizing that Oscar was continuing to study and learn him, it basically jumped his feeling of safety around Oscar to a degree he normally only feels around ppl he's known for a very long time.

and that a peruse through these two tags it becomes clear that Lando feels secure in putting Oscar through the paces of Lando's least happy and amenable moods possible. bc !! Oscar just smiles through it and doesn't get offended and almost sort of pushes through it as if to say you're not going to annoy me away mate, I've decided we're friends and that's it.

bc it's a test he knows Lando does when he's decided you're a Safe Person. like in Bahrain and Lando jokingly goes ugh! hi Oscar! and IMMEDIATELY switches to Osc bc he's in a Mood about having to discuss Bahrain as if they possibly could've learned much about the car yet and there's nothing rly to discuss but he doesn't want to take it out on Oscar … and then ! Oscar sees the pout on Lando's face, ignores everyone else and does this lean in and starts teasing Lando abt the repetitive questions they're being asked ! and Lando ! breaks out into this big smile and his mood just lifts !! bc Oscar knows exactly what to do !

and somehow that's all tied into how insanely clingy they both were at the start of the season and Lando esp was going a bit crazy with posting and reposting and commenting on content with Oscar or him and Oscar and how he felt this need to explain to Oscar why he went to see Daniel and not him bc wowwww he rly missed Oscar and the way Oscar just watches him and laughs at all his jokes and doesn't ask Lando to Be Anything Other than Himself bc Oscar takes the good and the bad bc it's Lando! Oscar had folded Lando into his life long before they even knew they'd be teammates!

which parallels the end of season video in Abu Dhabi or the Saudi post race video 'Straya Mate' and Lando is about to jump out of his skin to get Oscar to look at him !! and in those moments Oscar is a combination of tired and rly not enjoying media but Lando canNOT HANDLE when Oscar isn't watching him and Oscar seems sort of fed up with cameras so he STARES at Oscar's face and wriggles around and builds up to jokes bc he just needs to see himself having that effect on Oscar! and Oscar never lets him squirm for long and caves in to any joke Lando makes no matter how bad. and all of that fits so much w the sort of "soft dom" moments where ultimately, Lando views Oscar as one of the few people in his life who will Take Care of Him and who Knows What Lando Needs. but also !! it's a return of what Oscar does for Lando!

bc we've all seen him be like this w Max F and Jon and how no matter what flavor of Lando gets thrown at them - sweet or sour - they know just how he works and would never ever betray that level of trust by getting bored or disinterested or fed up with him. Max definitely has the most ability to scold Lando to order but tbh that happens v rarely and mostly he just mutters to himself or the camera and totally folds to Lando anyway.

but the difference is that Lando has years of proof on his side w Max and Jon and the other ppl he feels like this with. Oscar however is still a New Friend and he's got this whole settled, grown up life outside racing and Lando's relying a whole lot on the degree of commitment to McLaren that Oscar has shown again and again. they have friends in common and a drift compatible bond as teammates but they don't broadcast their interactions like most drivers do w other drivers so who knows how much Oscar has integrated in Lando's life outside of that? and I can only imagine Lando does NOT cope well with losing people he's brought into that degree of trust even tho from what we know he's never had that happen. but Oscar is so self-contained and reserved about the deeper parts of his personality so all of us sure can't say exactly how he'd react to him or Lando going to another team and you wonder how much Lando does ??

and godddd then we got this little glimpse into their natural dynamic and I end up finding myself hoping especially for Lando's sake that their friendship keeps getting stronger over the years they both know they have for sure together bc it's feels v safe to say that Oscar being someone else's teammate and not being Right There throughout the season would not be good for Lando !! </3

*obligatory reminder that I write these posts purely for fun and no I do not hinge any of my happiness in life on two men in racey cars - bc some ppl cannot tell what fandom is for and think everyone's deadly serious

[angelsdean]

dean "the angry man in the house" winchester ??? WRONG. dean is the HEART of the house. he always has been. he became the fictional mother that never was, he pushed himself to fill the role of the mythical mother mary. he played mediator between the two who were always butting heads. he was quiet and seemingly obedient and when on the rare occasion he rebelled he was cast out by the Real angry man of the house. and while dean was gone, the metaphoric house was without heart. without joy. because dean did more than just take care of sammy, he was there. he made sure sam didn't feel alone or neglected. when sam says he was a lonely kid and dean feels it as a slap in the face that's because to dean, they weren't lonely because they had each other ! like "what do you mean you were a lonely kid you had me?" so dean, he tried. as the heart of the house, he tried to make sure sam felt cared for and then later, with every found family member, dean dotes on them and tries to help them however they can and he wants them to stay where he can see them and care for them and keep them safe. and when they finally have their first permanent home since lawrence, dean nests. and he cooks and decorates his room and keeps photos of his loved ones nearby and he likes a clean house. and does he get angry and upset sometimes ? yes. because those are human emotions and he also has decades of unresolved trauma and few healthy coping skills bc he's never been given a chance to just stop and take care of himself and address these issues and the only emotion he learned was allowed to be expressed was anger so often what is fear and worry gets filtered and comes out as anger. but HE is not the angry man in the house. that will always, always be john. john's ghost looming over them. john's influence like a shadow. john's ways ingrained in them but that they both (hot-headed sam, esp early seasons hello remember him !!) need to unlearn. but neither of them are that angry man. that man is always going to be john. people misunderstand and misuse that "angry man" quote all the time. it's not about becoming the angry man that was once there. it's about being haunted by him, even when he's gone. and both of them, but dean specifically, are haunted by john.

the quote appears in the short story "Cut" by Cathrine Lacy and it's a poem within the story that goes like this:

muliebrity

if you’re raised with an angry man in your house, there will always be an angry man in your house. you will find him even when he is not there. and if one day you find that there is no angry man in your house— well, you will go find one and invite him in!

and in the story one of the characters asks the meaning of the title which means ‘womanly qualities’ or ‘womanhood’ and in the context of the poem the "angry man in your house" is meant to be this recurring male figure. you're raised with an angry man in your house. then you're haunted by that figure, "you will find him even when he is not there." and then when you are finally free of him, you will go out and find someone just like him and invite him inside. it's about cycles. and in the context of the poem it's about women mirroring and repeating patterns of their mothers, dating men that are like the angry men they grew up with, because it's all they know. it's not about becoming the angry man. and dean does not become that angry man either. he's haunted by john. he's internalized certain things about john but he's still a victim of john's abuse. and when he lashes out, that's more about unresolved trauma and needing better ways to express his emotions that aren't actually anger than it is about him becoming anything.

[1864th]

ARCANE RANT INCOMING sorry its just this fucking show.

they really did need an extra season or even maybe 2-3 more episodes even wouldve been good everything was so rushed not a lot was resolved and i know the show would have ended up being abt the arcane/magic anyway but i wish the conflict between zaun/piltover was resolved first? before introducing noxus/ambessa as proper villains. s1 had really good setups and but the direction they went with some of these characters is just???? SEVIKA DIDNT EVEN HAVE A SINGLE LINE IN S2 ACT3 like are they fucking kidding me. even LORRIS who i never thought would show up ever again had a bigger impact on the story i fucking swear to god...i cant even talk abt vi like i didnt even like her that much in s1 and yet i feel really bad for her bc her character was done so dirty by the writers. there was. honestly nooo way they could have written her arc in a way id like anyway because she has to be an enforcer by the end as per actual league lore but this was like one of the WORST possible ways they couldve done it. caitlyn doesnt even apologize/reflect on anything i actually hate this. mel jinx ekko are like superstars when theyre on screen theyre easily the best parts of the whole season act 3 especially was carried by ekko. will fucking admit that i get GIDDY everytime i heard 'machine herald' viktors voice like the voiceacting/audio work on that or whatever was sooooo awesome. i have no complaints abt jayvik tbh like idk i feel like they had just enough screentime although i will say, their ending and how they got there felt kinda like the writers were definitely trying to cram too much in one episode...which they were. idk why they (netflix) had to keep the eps under 1 hour esp the finaleee of THIS show its a streaming site like theres no timeslot its taking like with tv like i truly dont get it. i only know the most basic of league viktor lore but i wish i watched the show that went that direction instead of...this but it doesnt bother me that much/idrc. when the jayvik reveal happened my brother and i both went woah "this is just like orv" at the same time so thats cool i still think its kinda dumb though aksjdjsjk. i WISH WISH so much that mel had more screentime but her story honestly went fine. just felt so side quest-y. bringing up s2e7 because as much a cliche it is i really loved it so much. an AU episode like that somehow didnt even feel that out of place despite them literally introducing this concept 15 episodes in on an 18 episode total show. its also the only ep that felt close to what i loved abt the early acts of arcane so... also brooo they dont even bring up isha like what the point of introducing her just killing her off like that and JINX. she deserves better like wtf do these writers have against her 😭. i wish that they kept vi&jinx as the core of the show like its why i even liked it at all....atleast we'll always have s1 & s2 act 1 vi&jinx. overall arcane s2 is like 7/10 i still honestly enjoyed it. just mad abt like every decision done with caitvi & jinx and the overall plot i guess.

[raayllum]

Regarding working on the video about arc 2, do you think people are upset with how ''slow'' the show is, some other plots being boring( their words, not mine) or that humans are the oppressed and that the Aaravos is the good guy somehow?

Most under a read more cause this got a lil long

I do think some of the arc 2 backlash is the perception that things are slower, and I would agree that for some characters S4 and S5 are paced slower (Claudia in S5 for example) than they have been since S1, I just disagree that it's a problem because character expansion is worthwhile and there are always new sides we're seeing or understanding to everyone throughout arc 2. I also think sometimes people conflate character development with "this character is doing things I want to see". For example, Soren at the beginning of S6 is more or less the same person he is at the end of S6, but his arc in S6 is widely praised. Because even though it isn't about change, there is a lot of emotional intensity, and that's fun to see. TDP has never been a show where emotional intensity is true for everyone all the time, though, and it's not as though Soren doesn't get those moments in previous seasons (S4 in particular has some pretty rough patches for him, emotionally)

so... Idk. S4 rips my heart out multiple every time I watch it, so the idea of it being less emotionally intense (even if S5 and S6 are undeniably more) in a bad way doesn't hold water for me, personally, but that's also just my own experience (which is, of course, all I can really draw on).

The main plot arc labelled as boring in Arc 2 is the Sunfire elf plotline. I like politics and worldbuilding and Janai as a character. I don't need it to be constantly connected to the main plot line because Viren's entire plotline as a character from 1x06 onwards (and even the bulk of 1x04 and 1x05) has no bearing on any of the entire main cast again until 3x03 (for Soren and Claudia)... so, two whole seasons? But that's Okay and Not Boring, presumably, because audiences were willing to accept a white man being a semi-protagonist / bc it was established early on, and when things shift to include other main characters - especially a Black, queer led plotline - that gets people's internal hackles raised, I suppose. There's very little criticism of the Sunfire elf plotline in S4 that doesn't feel like it's coming from a racist or queerphobic place, whether from disregarding Janaya's allegory and navigating religious differences (which you don't really have to do when you're Christian/raised atheist in a culturally Christian/agnostic culture), or even just hating Karim (who is a lot more like Viren) because he's an emotional Black man experiencing cultural grief (which the majority of a white Western audience cannot relate to, but Viren's entirely individual desire for power - esp taking power away from a Black family, is seen as far more sympathetic, for some reason).

As for "the humans are oppressed and Aaravos is the good guy" that's been a complaint throughout the show and isn't exclusive to arc 2, and it's one I've always thought was silly. By virtue of showing elves and humans working together as a good thing (all of season 1 onwards) the show implicitly condemns the expulsion of the humans and division of the continent until they finally do so in words from Ezran as a mouthpiece (6x07). It's not even so much debate over whether humans are oppressed (the system was unfair, but largely we see Xadia leaving them entirely alone after the expulsion, which again, was never justified in text in the first place) as it is a statement where even if you are oppressed or scared (and this goes for the elves too, and that half of them had to mutually leave their homes, which has been Completely unaddressed by the narrative outside of inklings at the Moon Nexus) that doesn't mean your ends justify your means. Given the state of global affairs, I don't think I have to explain why a traditionally oppressed people seeking to reclaim their perceived 'homeland' after centuries away by any means necessary, even if that means destroying the lives of everyone who's currently living there, makes "we're oppressed so it's okay" the ironclad argument people seem to think it is, and why challenging that view is routinely a worthwhile thing to do (it's also why conservative far right people love to have a persecution complex, too).

That said: none of this is stuff I plan to focus on the "in defense of arc 2" video. The goal of that video isn't going to be "you shouldn't have a problem with arc 2," because people are entitled to their feelings and trying to change them rarely works. The goal of the video is to talk about why I think choices were made, how the seasons fit with each other and arc 1, and why I think the choices the show made were the most effective for the Story the creators want to tell with respect to time constraints, etc. That's it and that's all.

[fraternum-momentum]

killing stalking ramble belowww

!! tws for mentions of sa/rape, murder, abuse, etc. !!

(REALLY REALLY long, around 2k~ words. just be warned. also tmi in some parts.)

THIS IS NOT AN ANALYSIS !!!!! it def gets analytical in some parts, but i feel like i would need to reread ks a couple of times for me to feel confident enough to do a full blown analysis for it. these are just my thoughts that i want to get out of my head. really rambly for the most part, and separated into sections mostly for my convenience buy also to get my thoughts a little more organized.

what do i think about it?

it's great ! i really love the more thriller-ey aspects of it, esp when seungbae was investigating the whole thing. how he's trying to piece together everything and switching in between pov's was so so cool. love love love how extremely tense everything is, like ooo is he gonna get caught? is he gonna get killed?

ACAB but seungbae is the only police officer i'll salute to 🫡 (bc he's not real LMFAO)(and also he hates the police despite being one so)

season 1 is a great intro and it rlly gets u hooked, rlly went in super hard with the whole torture stuff. came in guns blazing n stuff. rlly rlly intense. the whole thing with jieun is just so sad man,,,,,,, like she was rude and all and she was an kind of an asshole to bum but i don't think she deserves to die over that 😭,,,,

there's also already a lot of foreshadowing and future callbacks planted into it. it makes me wonder how much planning went into the story :0 !! even early on it's pretty clear that sangwoo sees his mum in yoonbum, that's why he kept taking care of him after abusing him. he said ‘i love you’ out of the blue and bum thought he was talking to him and sangwoo replied ‘i was talking to my mom’. i mean, it's literally spelled out by the author in one of the qna's. i will be amazed if u didn't catch that somehow.

anyw season 2 is my fav because of reasons stated above. the tension is rlly great. when seungbae finally trespassed which led to the confrontation at the basement scene to when they were doing the interrogation was rlly rlly good. it shows how competent of a manipulator and a quick thinker sangwoo is. throughout it my heart was beating so fast i was so nervous JQHSHQ

seungbae rlly tried to pull through but unfortunately the people didn't believe him so woo and bum got away SCOT FREE,,,,,,, which caused seungbae to lash out on woo, then got laid off. DUDEEE i was so saddddddd, i mean i saw there were like 40 eps left so i knew he wasnt going to succeed but STILLLL i was cheering for him ykkk?

ep 34.

kinda tmi and i hope to fucking god it's not weird or anything but i can see myself in yoonbum.

LISTEN ok. not like the perverted stalker aspects. more of the whole jwhhr fuckk idk how to describe it without sounding pathetic or whatever but a while ago my brother and i had a talk about being careful with people bc of how bad my whole self esteem is and how easily i would be to manipulate and just how depressing my whole demeanor was or whatever and this scene in ep 34 where yoonbum was being interrogated by seungbae kind of left me a deep impression on me

i've def have asked myself something similar to this, idk maybe had talked to someone abt it when i was drunk as shit. but it i kind of started wondering if i would do that in his position. if i don't get any better, could i end up like him? eeeeeqjdb idkk its something i don't want to dwell on much but it's been at the back of my head ever since. i don't know. it's scary.

season 3 is more focused on characterization and developing the "relationship" between bum and woo. vv sangwoo centric. it deals with his past trauma and how it affected him. seeing how his childhood was initially and then the eventual reveal as to what really was happening in those scenes was so good. kind of shows how you never truly know what's happening behind closed doors. and it shows the extent of the abuse, how unstable his mother was, and how emotionally manipulative she was to sangwoo when he was a kid. then her eventual death in which she managed to gaslight him into thinking he killed her. at least, i think its implied that she drove the knife into her neck. and now, even when she's gone, her presence lingers and haunts him. quite literally too because its eventually revealed that her corpse was INSIDE THE FUCKING HOUSE.

i love how the dynamic turned from a dependency to a codependency. it's like watching a fire slowly spiral out and it becoming an huge shitstorm. it's interesting seeing that sangwoo needs bum too. right after he accidentally called bum 'mom' while they were having sex, that's probably the lowest he's been in, even begging yoonbum to not go and stay with him at home bc he's been so paranoid lately. even now i'm still not sure if bum was actually fucking the girl or if it was all a figment of woo's hallucinations.

there's a lot of particular scenes that i want to dedicate a small paragraph to but i don't want to make this longer that it alr is qkdh they're not anything life changing plus the implications are p clear anyway so,,

ending is insane. at first, i was kind of glad that bum seemed to be healing. like he was getting therapy, there was a person who was taking care of him, seungbae seems to be monitoring him regularly. i mean, he was still paranoid and stuff about being caught as an acomplice but he was fine for the most part. well, at least that was i thought until he started asking where sangwoo was and i kinda went oh no,,,

idkkkkk is it bad that i kind of felt bad for bum when he didn't get to see sangwoo for the last time? i mean, i want him to just move on with everything and heal but it was pretty clear he was still vv attached to woo so idkkkkk?? maybe its just me needing to have some closure or something? i was so sad that yoonbum didn't even get the chance to be truly happy in his life. even in his happiest moments with sangwoo, it was all just a skewed perception of love.

yk even if seungbae didn't go to woo's house one last time for that final confrontation, i feel like their codependent relationship would go to shit either way. but ahh,,,,,, bum deserved so much better,,,

seungbae my goat 🫡

small part abt him bc he's my fav

seungbae is interesting,,,, bc he def has violent tendencies much like sangwoo. i.e. lashing out at woo, wacking a guy out with a scanner (who, luckily, turned out to be a wanted criminal), hitting the guy who killed his father with a the golf club, dreaming and fantasizing about violently killing that said murderer multiple times, and probably more that i can't remember.. maybe a ‘two sides of the same coin’ kind of situation??? idkk

there's literally a part where seungbae said so himself that he and sangwoo were similar, immediately following it by saying that it was a dangerous thought. i think having a stable figure in his life (chief officer) helped him a lot. if he didn't have him, i feel like he could've easily ended up like sangwoo. all around green flag tho :3

my complicated feelings abt it:

idkkkkkkkkkkkkk like this is a thriller and it depicts a clearly abusive relationship but the fact that it feels so fanservicey to me feels so wrong to me ???????? like shit. i only started reading it bc i thought 'oh wasn't this bl or something? i don't remember lol. but sangwoo was hot, i should go read it' and proceeded to get my ass blasted with this is absolutely insane.

ok i'm gonna be completely honest i've always hated fanservice, so it's a completely biased take from me. like idkk it ruins the vibe of a scene. can't a good show just be a good show without all the panty shots and the weird ass angles?????? like okay, yeah, i literally draw porn but that doesnt mean i want porn/sexual in everything all the time.

like i get it. the sexual aspect of this is a necessary and integral thing. it's clearly there to depict that there's an imbalance of power. how sangwoo being on top feels more in control whereas when he's in a position of submission he gets angry or scared (a trauma response) and it's another aspect of abuse that a lot of characters experienced and it's all shown. but i think my issue is, when its with woo and bum there's like certain part to it where i'm just kinda like,,,,, you know that feeling when you feel like a sex scene in a movie is kind of going on for way too long? and ur just sitting there mildly uncomfortable by it and aughggyvh idkkk its weird,,,,,,, like should i keep watching or is this integral to the story???? am i going to miss any details or something anyone would say ?? and idk???????? like when bum or woo was sa'ed by adults they didn't depict it in such a,,,,,,, romantic?? light???? i'm not sure what to say but i feel like there's a difference in ambience and pacing and shit in a bunch of the scenes esp in season 3 but i guess it's bc they're in a 'relationship' ?????? idkk

in a way i can understand why they would present it like that ??? i'm probably reaching, but maybe it's to directly put the viewer in yoonbum's shoes and kind of see how sangwoo manipulates bum? like we as the viewer become victims ourselves of sangwoo's charms ????? maybe that's why it was psrticularly uncomfortable for me ??????????? dude idk,,,,

but like,, i've played btd/tpof before but i don't seem to have any problems with it, and that's literally torture porn or whatever but for some reason i draw the line at this apparently ????????

and i’ve thought about this really hard bc it was driving me nuts as to what the difference was. but maybe its bc it's kind of romanticizing it ??????????????? tbh i'm still not entirely sure. eh whatever i don't want to make it a big problem.

oh but fray, you draw noncon, dubcon, and gore ! arent you fetishizing it as well ? how is that any different ?

(this part is kind of tmi too) i think there's a fundamental difference between what i'm doing and having a cnc kink and depicting actual sa in a story.

no one is saying sa is not bad. for some people it's how they deal with the trauma they endured and for others its simply just a fantasy. cnc, in a real life setting, both parties are consenting and recognize that it's all just roleplay, if anything is out of the line you can opt out of it with a safeword and it's CRUCIAL that this safe word is respected. in a game like for example, dol, you can manipulate it into however you like. there's also cheats where you can just remove encounters altogether irrc. you're the one in control of the narrative.

i've had rape fantasies before (i play dol, don't be so surprised) but that doesn't mean i want to be fucking assaulted when i go out at night. and idk maybe like in ks it depicts all the gruesome and tragic parts of being abused, whether it be emotionally, sexually, physically, etc. and that's why it feels wrong framing it in that manner ????

idk my views about it aren't completely black and white. dude idfk i'm not an expert in anything. at the end of the day i'm just some random person who read killing stalking and just has some thoughts about it. anyw that's all 👍

[irrealisms]

hi! i just saw an old post of yours regarding a very indepth s4 youtube playlist and i'm intrigued! i know the basic stuff since i watched some streams around that time but i've been meaning to finally sit and watch s4 from beginning to end. would you be so kind as to drop a link? thank you :]

gonna assume you mean lifesteal (i also have a dsmp s4 playlist haha. i love Making Playlists. love to Curate) and i've actually got a few lifesteal playlists! well. sort of. i have like One in-depth playlist and then i've got Other People's Playlists

so the first thing i recommend which has every* lifesteal s4 edited video (no** VODs) is this playlist by @aroaceacacia -- it's how i got into lifesteal to begin with and i cannot recommend it highly enough. when you finish, keep an eye on zam's youtube channel, i believe he is the only one still editing his s4 & his finale should be coming out soon (a year late) lmaoooo * it is actually missing one video, but it's near the end + it DOES the behind the scenes for that video so it's easy to add in ** technically it's got one (1) 2-hour cut from a Subz VOD which is more VOD-like and less of a Highly Edited Short Video but p much all the rest of the 285 videos are more highly-edited official-yt-channel VideosTM, and even the Subz VOD is a cut from a 24-hour stream rather than the full thing.

unfortunately i don't know of any curated VOD playlists or overviews that cover the beginning of the season, by me or by anyone else--I might work on this at some point but rn unfortunately i haven't actually watched much early s4 :( although if you want, send me a follow-up ask and i'll do my best at a "major events" playlist, mixing edited videos (esp early-season where i havent Watched the VODs) with particularly important VODs for the stuff i Have seen? this would b p easy for me to make i just havent bc i didn't know if there would b interest. ive also been working on a timeline google doc covering all of s4 that includes both VODs and edited videos so, again, lmk if you're interested in that!

the second thing i recommend is this google doc by @myrmica , which starts covering things in detail in december 2022 and has super detailed notes for a BUNCH of VODs. absolutely invaluable resource. my primary recommendation if you want to watch vods from mid to late s4 is to just read this doc and add all the vods that look interesting to your personal playlist.

in terms of in-depth playlists i have, the main one i have is an eclipse federation playlist! it's got a couple vods or cut-down videos of pre-eclipse-fed for some context but mostly it covers eclipse federation's journeys from their formation to the end of the server. i skipped some streams that were just grinding or destroying end portals or similar but if you want those also you can go through the myrmica google doc. NOTE: this ONLY covers eclipse federation!!! and it covers them in pretty close detail!!!! things that get left out of this include stuff like most of the preparations for pangi & zam's god-off, 3ht's trap war, a lot of poopies shenanigans, the team awesome breakup, and of course everything that happened in the Several Months before eclipse federation formed.... basically anything that wasn't relevant to eclipse federation's journey. meanwhile there are multiple 4-hour VODs that are just zam thinking about his relationship problems and nothing rly happens. i honestly would not recommend this unless you are specifically looking for more detail on eclipse federation specifically lol. also i wasn't sure how to handle "there are 2-3 streams of the same events with different povs that have some nonoverlap and some overlap" so...sometimes i include both povs and sometimes i dont. it's a judgement call & i highly recommend going thru the myrmica google doc and making your own playlist--all the vods in this playlist are also on there, eclipse federation didn't Form until mid season 4 so all eclipse-federation-relevant streams are covered

also i've linked this before but ive got a more medium-length eclipse fed playlist that mixes VODs & edited videos so check that out if you want

and of course where would any of us be without the archivist VOD spreadsheet. not super useful if youre looking for Curated Playlists but i need to shout out archivists forever & ever

i've also got much less in-depth playlists of Just Edited Videos for stuff like s4 highlights, covering specific teams/storylines, etc but since you said you were interested in in-depth playlists im not going to link all those unless you ask, this post is already long enough as it is haha. im also maintaining a s5 edited videos playlist if youre interested in that, and ive got links to playlists of s1-3! so just ask if you want any of those

huge apologies if this was overwhelming! u activated my Autism Trap Card (i love playlist curation). & pls pls feel free to send another ask/message/whatever if you have any questions or are curious abt anything else or if you want anything else (i love playlist curation)

[samthetrekkie]

I have been watching oitnb for probably 10 years now which is the longest I have ever taken for a show (and I still have 1 season to go). and the weirdest thing is, it's not bc I dislike the show in any way, I actually really enjoy it, but it's somehow one of the most exhausting things to watch, mostly bc there is so much plot condensed into a time frame of like a few days to a few months at max. I personally am not a fan of this bc I like 1 season = 1 year, but me watching this show so slowly is mostly due to the fact that I have to be in a very specific mood to handle it. I don't quite know why, but it's similar for me with got (even though I'm clearly more often in the mood for that than oitnb).

anyway, very long prologue for wanting to say that season 6 was great, probably my favorite so far, next to season 2 I think. I only didn't enjoy the one with vee (was that season 3?) too much, but I generally liked all of them for different reasons. and season 7 is said to be one of the best overall tv show seasons, so I'm excited for that.

I particularly liked 6 bc the plot was very organized in the sense that we had a premise from about episode 2 onwards and there was a conclusion at the end (even though it was different than expected and I loved that it was for once an almost happy ending). I personally loved carol and barb, it was such wonderful dark humor, and the little 80s flashbacks were a treat. the other minor characters like the new (esp alvarez giving autistism rep) and the old guards (esp the mormon one) were great as well (not as in nice people neccessarily, but they made a great backdrop) and generally none of the new characters felt forced and I'm glad they will all return next season. and who thought caputo and fig would be the cutest couple of the season?? I also liked alex and piper, but I was so certain piper was gonna do something stupid again and mess up her early release. but yay she did it!

it's also worth mentioning that there were some really sad and dark things again that were really well done, like daya's abuse, the trial around taystee, and flores' deportation at the end. oitnb is just one of the few shows that ace dramedy so perfectly by balancing hilarious and devastating scenes.

[candysharkart]

hi would u be willing to talk more ab ur belcher hcs that theyre all schizoaffective? :]

i can defs try! i cant promise i have really anything "smart" or insightful to say, cuz my husband and i just kinda draw from our own experiences :o

(if u are reading this and dont know what schizoaffective disorder is, im writing this w/ the definition of "a combination of schizophrenic symptoms and mood disorder symptoms like major depressive and bipolar disorder")

bob has felt the most schiz to us from the start, he's got his voices, which feel way more like he's acting as a mouthpiece for the objects he's talking to, rather than him just doing a bit. he knows its not "real" but also. it is to him. (i think hes also had some? hallucinations? but most are drug or stress induced and he also has a lot of cartoon dream sequences so...?) he struggles with paranoia and anxiety, and he's had pretty manic and depressive episodes in the show. i think he tries his best to stay grounded and self-aware with his delusions. he's very skeptical, and gets really irritated by misinformation. (probs also an affect of his autism tbh)

we also have a hc that he's more irritable and negative in the early seasons bc he's on meds that arent a good fit for him. (we dont really have meds hcs other than that. they might not be able to afford them)

linda's symptoms arent as obvious beyond her delusions like the raccoons and the cemetery stuff, but i think she's taught herself to suppress her issues so she could better support gayle who had more disruptive ones. her parents seem like the "stop being mentally ill its annoying" types. she has her own instances of paranoia and anxiety, but she mostly tries to smother and ignore anything negative she feels. VERY manic and impulsive tho. i think she also has some hallucinations in show but im drawing blanks on specifics.....

i would personally say tina is pretty depressive, but she's good at trying to cope in (mostly) healthy ways. her family is a good support system for her! she does have the most instances of visual hallucinations that arent cartoon bits (she seems to have them a lot when shes feeling guilty...) her anxiety and paranoia reminds me a lot of bob but also of gayle. they have similar outburts

gene has the least examples that i can think of.... i think he considers ken to be pretend and is just joking about him being real bc it annoys bob (compared to tina who thinks her horse Jericho is maybe...a little real) but i think he has some other hallucinations tht arent like that. hes surprisingly anti-social! he definitely often views himself as superior to the kids he knows. gets that from his dad lol. and his mania and impulsiveness are very much like linda :) he doesnt have depressive episodes as much as the others, but they hit him really hard :(

and louise! shes paranoid and has lots of aggression issues! to me she is also very depressed. (the puppet ep is esp relatable to me lol........) and she's VERY manic in the ambergris ep! i think she also has a couple instances of voices similar to bob's? but its kinda hard to tell the difference when shes still a kid who plays pretend with her toys. her talking to the taffy dummy feels more like what bob does tho.

i hope? thats the kind of hcs you were talking about? ive been trying to think of the right words for like 3 hours now. im very bad with words and so much of this stuff can also be attributed to other brain stuff, and one person can have a lot going on in one brain! so i hope i dont upset anyone with this post. thank u for ur time :)

[gregoftom]

I am finally getting round to reading the scripts and I am soooo !!!!! about how many more Greg scenes there were meant to be early in s1 and how he was really intended to be so prominent in the story (which makes sense that he’s somewhat jesse’s self insert) like at the hostel or calling his mum or buying shoes etc and in the original pilot script his character intro was after Logan and BEFORE Kendall like huuuuuhhh

there’s not much point to this message other than just to say I feel so validated re greg as my fave character bc I feel like more recently ppl have been dismissing him as unecessary/irrelevant or just a side note / foil to tomshiv but reading the scripts rlly makes u see how important his character is early in the show as the sympathetic audience proxy that is often shown in direct comparison to the Roy sibs (esp in the first ep that Logan openly says he likes Greg for the exact reason he doesn’t like his kids ie he’s actually fighting his way in from the ground up) like he’s literally the hook to get viewers into the show he’s a rlly important character ahhhh

ahhhhh anon!! yeah for real it sucks so much that SO much was cut for greg bc not only is it important for him as a character, but for others too like ewan, logan as you’ve mentioned here, tom. imo regardless of how much was cut from the show re: the scripts, i still feel like greg is an important and interesting character like, there’s a reason he became a fan favourite. the lack of content for him only really became an issue in s4, but i think personally that’s a general issue for many characters or hell, any character apart from the siblings. greg got the worst of it along with gerri imo and we got more focus on fucking. hugo? than gerri? smh.

anyway, greg is a main character also, like, he’s literally on posters w the sibs lmfao, not only season 4 but earlier too. the four siblings, logan, tom and greg. they’re the main characters. tom also got assblasted with the less focus gun, although not as much as others. having said all this i’m sad that you feel you have to be validated for greg to be your favourite like, you don’t need to have a reason my friend! even IF greg was irrelevant [which he isn’t he’s integral to the plot in several ways, even to the precious siblings [affectionate, i like the sibs too i just get tired of the passes they get over everyone else]] you don’t. need. to justify your enjoyment of him lmao??? no one does. if a character resonates with you, they just do. many a time is there a side or small character part with no content or little focus that someone might like, and that’s absolutely fine, if not frustrating haha. but for some reason mfs feel the need to point out constantly how greg is pointless and it’s Weirdo behaviour to like him and why would you and the show would be the same without him [i’ve seen this take which. lmfao] so it’s like. it makes greglovers feel the need to have to reason why he’s their fave.

i mean i could give you tonnes of reasons as to why he is important as a character but my main reason for liking him is i just fucking do. the end. checkmate atheists.

[angelsdean]

To be fair, people don’t think Dean was this raging misogynist in the earlier seasons just because he slept around. It was because he tried to fuck anyone with boobs and the minute a woman did something he didn’t like he turned around and called them a bitch. Like that word was used by Dean sooo much in the earlier seasons. I remember feeling so uncomfortable by the time I finished watching season 1 for the first time. Hell, I almost stopped watching the show because of that single fact. And this isn’t even like my personal opinion because I remember there were even articles criticizing spn’s misogyny lol. I assume the writers were told to tone it down because that word was used less and less as the show progressed.

hmm i'm not saying you're wrong bc i'm only 7 eps into my rewatch and i don't remember specifics of stuff like that from when i watched the whole series in 2020 however i will say these are things i've been paying a lot of attention to in the eps i have watched so far and while yes dean will make an exaggerated show of checking women out in what imo reads as over-the-top and caricature-like, which in my personal reading i interpret as overcompensating, and he'll my the occasional "she's hot" comment or an appreciating face, none of his scenes with women so far have shown him actively trying to sleep with anyone. And, this was a post i was going to make after finishing 1x07, but by the 7th episode, dean's only been kissed on the check and a lip peck, both leaving him flustered and borderline shy, while in 1x07 we see sam get a longer more involved kiss from the girl of the week before he stops it because of his grief over jess. So, like i'm not saying dean doesn't display some sexist behavior later. Because forreal this show is a product of its time and it does have that sexist 2000s tv vibe a lot, but even when I watched the first time I remembered feeling a distinct disconnect between what we were being told about dean versus what we were actually seeing. Like we don't actually see him have sex with anyone until Cassie, his first love.

I'm going to be very fair throughout my rewatch like I've already noted some just "meh" things dean's said in 1x07. Like he tells sam to "stay out of her panty drawer" when sam has to go search the girl's house. And sam makes a face like wtf? And I was also like, wtf. But again for me and the way I read dean, esp in the early season, is through that lens of, okay this is what he's saying but what he's saying a lot of the times is part of an act. And Sam is our POV character too and he also sees Dean a certain way because that's his big brother and he has this idea of who Dean is supposed to be in relation to him, the charismatic ladies man to his "nerd." Idk this is getting long and there's really so much i want to say about Dean and all of this but, bottom line is, I don't doubt there are questionable moments from Dean in a show that started in the early 2000s. So far I haven't seen many of those moments, nor him aggressively trying to sleep with anyone. However, these are things I do plan to look out for because my "studies" i guess and focus rn is looking at the facade of Dean Winchester vs the subtext. And also looking at comparisons between Dean and Sam and their early seasons dynamics in general.

[coles-walloper]

Honestly thinking I’d love to see more interactions betw Kai & Zane, Nya & Zane, Nya & Cole, and Lloyd & the OG 4 since the small bit we got of everyone’s friendship with each other was really nice.

Like I’m mainly thinking about how Kai obviously cares a LOT for Zane, considering he took Zane’s sacrifice the hardest & hit rock bottom betw Rebooted and ToE. Also remember way early on when he had an outburst in Season 1? When the monastery burns down (the scene where he loses his temper and blows up on Zane), and all the ninja immediately regret Zane being gone after? A bit of a headcanon but I always think to that as one of the moments he repeats in his head the beginning of ToE and as a result, he’s extra soft towards Zane compared to the rest of the OG — as he knows the feeling of having lost & regretted losing his friend. I like to imagine he’s particularly soft with mainly Zane & Lloyd (for Lloyd yknow why! the big brother energy is strong!!).

As for Nya and Cole (minus the love triangle that was a bit wonky but IMO a bit overhated), I just liked the moments he cheers her on! I think it’s also sweet that after Cole became a ghost, she was a very supportive friend. Her being a good friend was one of the things that made me enjoy her character more, and water & earth would’ve been sooo cool in battle just like fire & ice!!

Nya and Zane’s entire show interactions so far seem mainly from Decoded, so I feel like the show so far gives little else of the two interacting >~<. I think they could also be great friends & a great power duo! Esp as the 2 members considered the smart ones lolol. (Feels like a lot of my rambles are ToE-oriented but another good Nya moment: When she reunites with Zane and is so happy he’s alive that she runs to hug him — while both Jay and Cole in the process of holding their arms out get shocked it wasn’t in their direction xD).

Lastly, it’s neat that the show seems to later on give quite a bit more on the RGB siblings! I’m really excited for watching that and curious on how Nya interacts w/ Lloyd.

I do definitely hope Lloyd gets more dynamic with the rest of the OG ninja though bc that would just be so cool! I want to imagine if he were left in a room with Jay or Zane, what they’d talk about. And especially Lloyd w/ Cole, both seeming like they have similar struggles team-wise.

[soleilocverse]

Gel Clings/Window Stickies

Here's pics of some of the gel clings I bought as fic research! The halloween ones were first and would you believe me :) if i said they were on my window until the beginning of this month (march) and then. i sat on this post for 3 weeks DHSKFJH

Fic research notes below:

I got all of these from target btw!! some of them in the seasonal section, some of them in that dollar section. okay so things i have learned:

BUGS. will stick in these. i thought my room was a bug free zone until i woke up to like three of those little tiny (idet they're fruit flies) stuck to the surfaces.

Follow up point. IF. u try and wipe those bugs out normally, and they're not fresh, they will crumble into little bug dust and get all sorts of stuck in your gel cling. so either catch them early (you won't. ness might if he's checking them every day but these things become bg noise for me) or carefully pluck them out with your fingers wrapped in a paper towel or smth. or resign yourself to bug dust <3

they Will rip if you are too rough with them

FOLLOW UP POINT, they rip much easier when they've been sitting in the sun for five months and u decide now's the time to switch them out :)

sitting in the sun makes them soft and hot and floppy!! they feel thinner and more delicate than the fresh ones

sitting in the sun for five months also gives them a distinct scent that, if i was feeling generous, i would describe as "sun-warmed." and if i was feeling Not generous, i would describe as "melted plastic" aDHSKJDS

they don't actually catch as much hair/dust as i would've expected?

BOO, i hate putting together the ones like the taco where there's multiple parts. they're kind of annoying to line up (this was seconded by someone else irl)

they sure will just make these things whatever. "love you 'slow much'" is v funny and i think the sloths are cute but babes what does that have to do with valentine's :sob: same for all the foods. i put the taco and pizza together with a heart between them tho like they're a couple

LOL i actually did have ones that said trick or treat but they were ugly and i dropped them on the floor behind a stack of boxes and forgot it existed until after i took this photo. so point being. sometimes u buy the set just for one or two cute things in it. (i can't remember if it was the pumpkins or the BOO; that pic includes 3 mish-mashed sets)

IF i had space for it, there is no way i would've taken down the halloween ones so now all i can think of is ness and crew slowly filling up their window w/ all these miscellaneous holiday gel clings until it's filled up (bc. idt any of them could bear saying no to Ness one's he's started it this way, and soleil would take his cue from the others)

actually (and this is why i do fic research) thinking more about those implications and, ahh,, atm at least, i think soleil would genuinely be the first to break and clear up the window (some). athena would be too enamored with ness filling up all this space on his own even if it bothers her a bit, cyrill would genuinely think it looks hilarious and send pics to his family gc every time new clings go up, and ray would be too unbothered to care either way, esp when his partners aren't super bothered. but soleil has the most practice saying no to ness/re-routing him into smth else, and he Would like to be able to look outside again, actually.

[ninetwelves]

idg this one opinion i saw on all stars 7 being bad bc the back ups they had to me make no sense theyre like all stars 7 was bad bc it didnt have enough early season winners like omfg wherw is the self awareness

bebe was on all stars 3 should could come back but thats kinda debatable ik they bring queens back 3 times( and even 4 times being jimbo) but maybe its more debatable for a first all winners season

tyra is cut out for her bomb threats to drag con she gets left out the winners circles

obviously sharon gets left out the winners circle and what clasifies as early season winners for me itd be 1-3 or 1-5 bc 6-8 or 9 feel a bit mid season (def not in quality) bianca wont do it, bob wasnt invited but thank god she hosted pitstop

violet would do it and maybe it wouldve been good if she did bc shes out here huffing paint of booting raja for not wearin corsets fjndjfnfnfn

alaska wouldnt be invited back

trixie wouldnt do it

sasha velour wouldve been cool but if they make a second one they cant use all their best queens and sasha art is great but maybe they were thinking best tv personalities w chemistry (bc all stars 8 lacked that MAJORLYYY) bc i think they did pic best tv personalities together like sure certain queens i absolutely would gag but i strangely wasnt mad at the cast for how robbed manila was (and she was robbed like imagine manila in that season but thats the all stars format riggery fault) but yk monet and trinity were some of the mosg entertaining thank god it made me fall in love w monet???

like thats debatable tho for some queens coming back but unfortunately for early seasons there was genuinely not a lot of options BUT IM SO GLAD WE GOT THE TWO BEST ONES ESP FUCKING RAJA (BC BOY WHAT THAT SEASON DID TO ME IT MADE ME FALL SO DEEP LOVE FOR RAJA SHES OFFICIALLY MY MOTHER GF BF AND AUNTIE ITS NOT EVEN FUNNY) and yk the first thing i fell in love w that season was raja + jinkx and all the newer winners holy fuck did i ever love that sure it was def a bit rigged theyre not the most stand out lip syncers of the bunch but god did they both ever pave the way for them all there (esp raja) and i believe it was so needed to show that respect

and raja and jinxk r good lip syncers stunts arent everything song choice is important

it def wasnt the strongest lip sync season ill admit that but yo i adore watching lip syncs ppl dont think i care about fashion in drag race but i really do this season is my fav for a reason raja is my fav for a reason it wouldve been sm more perfect for me if the lip syncs were so top tier but idk fuckin raja vs viv was so fun / perfect raja vs jaida was so so fun

raja had no chance for yvie im super biased that im glad she won but idk raja still slayed its just yvie oddly ur going against maybe ru hated yvies wigs or smth (listen i love yvies shes one of my favs) i dont disagree w the track record vs lip sync bc i guess itd depend on the lip sync and track record and entertainment to the season ofc u cant please everyone, it makes it a lot less predictable altho imo jimbos win as much as its deserved is waaayyyyyy too predictable and not even cute bc at least w season 15 the other queens of so many different styles of drag and diversity and experience and worlds kepts sasha on her toes a bit she shouldve won more but damn i just love me a season w milfs ok IM JUST MILF BIASED LET ME HAVE THISSS

ok also the cast was good (despite manila being robbed in as 4) they didnt need to rely on villian edits or drama which im not against for drag race but thats how good their chemistry and personalies were like that is so important a goooooood ass cast can carry and i dont think all stars 8 delivered (i even think all stars 1 delivered that sm more than 8)

but idk i think my all stars ranking that some places can be flipped is

all stars 7 (fav season EVER)

as 2

as 3 + 4 tied

all stars 6

all stars 5

all stars 1

all stars 8

and im gonna be real cast chemistry/entertainment/personality/humor is like the first thing thatd enjoyable about the show fuck ill take bad runways even bad lip syncs usually a season will have one or the other or at least one good runway or lip sync bc i can trust the queens tonpull thru on that more than the producers holy shit

and yk bad lip syncs and runways to me can be so fucking funny like jigglys garbage dress, kennedys cyrstalized chicken, the i will surive lip sync in s8, the 2 messy ass lip syncs in s3 (like it had 2 of the best lip syncs in the show and 2 of the worst but the worsr were so fuckjng funnyfbfkdhd)

but yk you want better lip syncs?? actually pay attention to ur front runners styles of performance, rewards all styles of lip syncs, and pick ur song choices more off that.

also snatch game being good is quite important all stars 7 fucking DELIVEREDDDDDDDDD

i get more peeved when a cast of a season has no age and drag style variety (which theyve always delivered drag style variety and age usuall like season 14 im sorry did not deliver that 4 me enough) variety bc whats the point u did not respect where drag came from, the veterns, and ofc the new queens for the future of drag like come bring in at least one milf drag queen one milf per season IS ENOUGH FOR ME

[udon-udon]

anyway, a big recap of my victoria bc trip

got up at 6:50 am ish and then headed out at 7:20 took the train and bus to the ferry terminal and then headed to victoria yay, lined up for a a breakfast meal for the ~experience~ and that pretty much took up most of the time. Arrived and took the bus to the royal bc museum, almost missed my bus due to it being full but someone pointed to the huge line to go take the other bus, got lucky there.

The Royal BC Museum was cool, though there wasn't much to it cause there were no feature exhibit at that time and one part of the museum was under reno, but it was still fun nonetheless!! I didn't realize how dark it was so honestly I was a lil spooked at times esp cause I was alone haha. Since it was a very nice day I went down to the Fisherman's Wharf cause I wouldn't have time on saturday and i heard the weather wasn't gonna be good on sunday. Most of the shops were closed for the season LMAOO so there wasn't much to see, but thankfully there was 1 fish n chips shop open and i bought some yum yum, it was very filling. Walked back to downtown and went through the Miniature World museum and it was super cute!!! It was also a lil spoopy for parts of it cause there were portions of it where it was dark and there weren't many people going through it.

Headed to the airbnb around 5 ish, and then chilled for a bit. Was wanting to order dinner but the place I wanted to order to was too busy at that time to take in takeout orders so i had to schedule it at 8 sobs but thats okay cause i was still full from the fish n chips, so i just chilled and tried to nap. The dinner was kinda mid ngl, wish i got the lasagna but i was like "but i can get lasagna anywhere else" it was okay but still LOL. also splurged and bought a cheesecake as well, that was pretty good though. couldn't finish it so i saved half of it for tomorrow's dinner.

The next day was con day!! I was supposed to go to a brunch place but i slept in a little and then when i got there, the line was pretty long and i didnt want to wait so im like eh okay nvm ima just go back home and eat the breadsticks i didn't eat yesterday LOL as well as the creme brulee given by the airbnb host they're so nice. And then I made my way to the con and omg it was a lot of walking lol. Got in and hung around mainly in the artist alley!! I was supposed to go watch the cosplay contest but i lost track of time and missed it LMAO OOPS. I spent waaay more than I thought I would, but very happy with my purchases and wish i bought more haha but my backpack literally would have no room for it. I spent the remaining time at my friends table til like 6:30 and made a new friend that was tabling with her, she was super kind and fun

Got home and picked up dinner on the way, ordered a mixed kebab meal set and it was so good and the portion was huge, very worth it and very delicious. Spent the rest of the night eating and showering and watching youtube and packed a little bit before leaving tomorrow.

Woke up the next day, final day, it was damn pouring in the morning sadly, so I just stayed in the airbnb until 10:50 and then made my way to explore the Chinatown (which I found out is the second oldest Chinatown in North America???? damn). Went to the little Chinatown museum and saw some cool stuff and then walked around the area and the shops nearby. Went to Boardwalk Burgers and chilled until it was time to catch the bus to the ferry.

I arrived hella early cause if I didn't take the bus I took, i would have been late to my ferry;;; BUT MY FERRY GOT DELAYED. So I just spent a lot of time sitting at the waiting area playing my 3DS LOL Made some progress in AA5 again finally, i haven't played it in sooo long ( i really should finish it, as well as spirit of justice, and i still have the great chronicles to play;;) Got on the ferry and played some more AA5 and holy cow the line for the cafeteria was so long im glad i didn't decide to eat dinner there cause I was originally gonna but thank god i didnt. Napped a lil before arriving at the bay aaaand then went home :)

Overall, very nice trip!! Even though I was alone, I had a blast exploring and seeing things and got to take my time to explore shops and whatever I wanted. I had no budget planned going into this and I probably should have cause I spent... quite a lot, but oop.

[inutaffy]

“you’ve always been jealous of me!”

“maybe that’s bc you were always splinters favorite!”

“raph. i love you bro.”

DO YOU SEE. DO YOU SEE. THE DUCKCIJF SHIFT IN TBEIR EXPRESSIONS MAN TBE FJCKFGMOFYHEFNEN GHE WAY. THATS HIS BROTHER MAN THATS HIS FUCKFJFG. OUGH. I HATE THIS STUPID SHOW WHAG THE ACTUAL FUCK. THE. THE. “JEALOUS?!” SO MUCH OF HIS EMOTIONS TRANSLATE TO ANGER OR JEALOUSY TOWARDS OTHERS AND IT DRIVES ME FUCKINF CRAZY. MAYBE IT WAS AT FIRST (aka beginning of s1) BUT IT ISNT NOW AND THATS FHE WHOLE POINT THAGS THE WHOLE DUCKIJF POINT. HE ISNT JUST JEALOUS AND AND ANGRY ALL THE TIME FOR SHITS AND GIGGLES BRO IS JUST 16 AND WATCHING HIS WHOLE PLANET GET DESTROYED. BRO IS 16 WATCHING HIS FATHER MURDERED IN FRONT OF HIM. BRO IS 16 AND WATCHING WHILE HIS OLDER BROTHER BASICALLY BECOMES AN ENTIRELY DIFFERENT PERSON RIGHT BEFORE HIS FUCKING EYES, PICKING UP EVERY BURDEN EVER AND JUST SOLDIERING ON LIKE THIS IS SO FUCKIJF AWFUL.

THE FUCKIJG SHIFT FROM S1-2 LEO TO SEASON 3-5 LEO IS FUCKINF TRAGIC. THAT SHIT HURTS ME DEEP IN MY BONES. YOU CAN SEE HIM START TRYING TO BE MORE OF A LEADER AND A MINOR CARETAKER THAN BROTHER FOR A MINUTE THERE AND THAT KILLS ME EVERYTIME BC IT STARTS WHEN HE FUCKIJG SAVRIFICES HIMSELF AT THE END OF SEASON 1 BY BLOWING UP THE FUCKING KRAANG SHIP. THATS WHERE IT ALL STARTS AND I HATE IT. HE SHOULDNT BE DOING THAT BUT HE IS AND ITS SO AWFUL ITS SOS SO AWFUL BUT I WILL NOT GO INTO THAT HERE I REFUSE I WILL NOT CALL ME WHEN IT ISNT 3AM AND I WILL TELL TOU.

ANYWAYS.

SO YEAH MAYBE HE DOES WISH HE WAS LEADER IF ONLY SO IT MEANT LEO DIDNT HAVE TO BE. IF ONLY SO LEO COULD BE LEO FOR A MINUTE BC YOU KNOW WHAG RAPH IS???? RAPH IS GUILTY. RAPH FEELS SO FUCKING GUILTY ALL THE DUCKIJF TIME AND I DOMT HAVE THE ABILITY TO GO INTO THAT RIGHT NOW SO YOURE JUST GONNA HAVE TO TRUST ME. TRUST ME ON TBIS I AM RIGHT ABOUT THIS. I CANT DUCKIJG STAND FBIS SHOW.

AND TBH I DONT BLAME RAPH. LIKE IF MYYYYY OLDER BROTHER GOT PROMOTED ONE DAY AND STARTED TRYING TO PULL RANK ON ME I WOULD BE A BITCH ABOUT IT TOO. THE FUCK. MAKE ME ASSHOLE. YEAH. BUT ALSO. AS THE ELDEST DAUGHTER. AND JUST YK. AS ME. I AM ME. ANOTHER THING IS THAT LEO IS JUST. IMPRESSIONABLE? A LITTLE BIT? ESP IN THE EARLY SEASONS. WHICH MAN I CAN RELATE TO. BITCH FIXATED ON A TV SHOW AND MADE IT HIS WHOLE PERSONALITY WHICH I LOVE FOR HIM BUT GOTDAMN. LEO LITERALLY GOES INTO BATTLE IN S1 QUOTING HIS SPACE HEROES SHOW AND MAKING STUPID ONE LINERS AND TRYING TO BE ALL HEROIC BUT IT JUST COMES OFF AS DORKY AND I LOVE IT SO MUCH. IT MAKES ME SAD. HE’S FOLLOWING EXAMPLES AND HE WANTS TO IMPRESS AND HE WANTS TO DO GOOD OK HE WANTS TO GET A GOOD GRADE IN CHILD WHICH IS NORMAL TO WANT AND POSSIBLE TO ACHIVE LIKE LEO IDEALIZES SPLINTER THAT IS HIS DAD MAN HE STRIVES FOR HIS APPROVAL. I DONT CARE WHAT MY DAD HAS TO SAY MOST OF THE TIME BUT FAVING HIS DISSAPOINEMENT???? FUCKINF AWFUL.

AND THEN THE DUCKING KRAANG HAPPEN AND SPLINTER TELLS HIM TO PREPARE FOR LOSSES. PREPARE TO DO WHATEVER IT TAKES. AND HE REALIZES OH SHIT IS FR. UHM. OKAY. SO MAYBE THIS LEADING ISNT ALL I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE. AND HE EXPRESSES THIS. MULTIPLE TIMES. THROUGHOUT THE FIRST AND SEVOND SEASON. AND THEN BE JUST STOPS. BRINING IT UP ALL TOGETHER. HE JUST STOPS. LIKE. DUDE. DUDE. HE WANTED TO BE LEADER SO BAD AT FIRST AND THEN THE HORRORS CAME FOR HIM. HE WAS NOT READY. NOW DONT GET ME WRONG, LEOS IN GENERAL ARE FUCKIJG CRAZY MAN THEY CAN DO WHATEVER THE FUCK THEY WANT, LEO IS FULLY CAPABLE OF BEING THE LEADER HE JUST. HE WASNT FUCKING READY YET MAN. HE WAS 15. IM GONNA FUCKINF CRY.

NOT TO MENTION. IMMEDIATELY AFTER THAT. HE’S KINDA ELEVATED TO THIS PEDESTAL AND NOW HE’S DUCKINF STUCK THERE MAN. LEO KEEPS TRYING TO BE THEIR LEADER AND TO HIM, THAT MEANS HE HAS TO DO IT ALONE. HE’S THE LEADER. YES HE KNOWS THAT HIS BROTHERS WILL BE THERE FOR HIM HE KNOWS THAT HE ISNT ALONE BUT THAT DOESNT CHANGE THE FACT THAT AT THE END OF THE DAY HE IS THEIR LEADER AND HE HAS TO BE ABLE TO STAND ON HIS OWN AND THAT MENTALITY BLEEDS INTO EVERYTHING ELSE AND RAPH (and the others tbh. fuckijg everyone) JUST WANT THEIR FUCKING DORKY CRINGEFAIL LOSER BIG BROTHER BACK. DO YOU UNDERSTAND.