#esp bc i have no idea who follows me i literally never look lol

[melrosing]

I’m sorry if you’ve been asked this before but what do you think brienne’s endgame is? I hate got and how it ended but it made me hopeful my baby girl is surviving the series :’) esp since everyone treated her dying as a foregone conclusion

hello! I have talked about it here and there but I’m not really certain of anything except that she survives :) one thing I keep coming back to is that Brienne is (in my mind) very much a figurehead for the next generation. to me she really represents a kind of optimism for what tomorrow could be. whether jaime survives or doesn’t, his story is about what was wrong w yesterday, so I think of Brienne’s story as an answer to his, w the two characters joining in the middle.

in terms of where she ends up circumstantially…. I like the idea of her becoming a hedge knight of some kind, bc I think what annoys me about the idea of Bri guarding Sansa or Bran (at least the way the show portrays it) is that she ends up treated like a reward for the Starks, or getting to serve the Starks IS her reward. I love the Stark kids but i really believe that part of Brienne’s story is learning that it’s not about serving people but purposes, and finding her own purpose in this world. her worth isn’t determined by the person she has sworn her sword to, she gets to define it.

and also I really feel one of the most moving things about Bri’s story is that she stands up for those who have no one else to stand up for them, I.e. no chance and no choice. spending the rest of her life in service to House Stark feels like a waste of her.

HOWEVER, I wouldn’t entirely rule out the idea of KG Brienne…. but in my mind that would have to look really, really different to how the show portrayed it. for one thing, the books serve to dismantle the KG as an institution. the KG as it currently stands means that members sacrifice everything they believe, want and are for the sake of the King or Queen, whoever that might be. that can leave you serving ppl like Aerys. could also leave you serving ppl like Egg! but still, soon enough you’re serving Aerys.

I can imagine King Bran’s KG being a really different kind of institution. fisher king Bran is supposed to serve and represent the realm; his welfare is theirs. he is not a political entity. so I can kind of picture a version of the KG that kind of harkens more to what knighthood is supposed to be: literally knights of the seven kingdoms, who serve the people, not the person. perhaps they aren’t even tied to Bran’s side. maybe they’re representatives who wander up and down the 7K serving its peoples in whatever way they can. and they are chosen for the roles bc they represent true knighthood as Brienne does.

anyway to me this resonates more w what Brienne has represented in the narrative so far, and I don’t think it strips her of her personhood the way the GOT finale does, where she’s serving a king she doesn’t know who apparently doesn’t care to know her, has been made to look a fool and is essentially punished for falling in love, is now just a cold, sterile sort of character who has been rewarded with a promotion in place of her personhood. Brienne is a character w so much heart, and that ending was empty of it :/

I don’t hate the idea of Brienne taking her place as Evenstar of Tarth but I’ve never quiiite been able to picture it bc I think it limits the scope of the kind of good she wants to do as a knight. I don’t know that I see her future as entirely divorced from Tarth, but I think it resonates more for me that Brienne can keep roaming and following her heart where it leads her. and as I say lol I have no idea whether Jaime lives or not but I think that’s what he would want for her also either way.

anyway those are just some ideas! I’ve been thinking about fisher king Bran today following the ask from earlier and this made me think a bit more about how I see Brienne tying into that endgame

[padfootastic]

hcs about miss pen coming right up—

(I'm so excited to type this cause it's like those art videos where they choose colours without light and then is skin is green kwim? )

1) can follow along with a recipe/good enough cook but don't do it often cause don't want to wash up (absolutely valid if tho– bartan are just not the vibe)

2) social actually like not daily put partying but have this group of 5-6 friends that you just have always have had you know

3) not teachers pet but also not a trouble maker. they used to have a soft spot for you but you were a bit sarcastic talkative in class or used to have longer nails or something that would make you occasionally get in trouble

4) either took 4 classes of art as kid or very good dancer.

5) I'm gonna go with favourite subject was EVS till 5th-6th

6) have never broken a bone but did have stupid injuries as a kid

7) type of person who complaints about it's too hot/too cold, says their favourite season is Mansoon but jab humidity hoti h you're like nah i think i actually prefer winter (it's a lie you don't like any seasons)

8) friends parents and relatives used to say like you're the role model (in the sense ki beta dekho ye kitni polite/ kitni achche se baat kar rhi h/ kitni helpful h/ basically auntie whisperer) and your friends/cousins would just look at the aunties that have they grown two heads cause ye ladki? ye — abhi do second phle hame aise harkaton ke ideas de rhi thi.

9) absolutely not a morning person (which If thai you are i would be so surprised cause your sleep schedule 😭)

10) like fashion to a reasonable extent like whenever you step out you're put together in an effortless way it's not a remarkable oh my god look at this person's style. but a second they notice you properly wow you look good today type.

!!!! omg ash, lowkey impressed at how right u are for some of these? like,,,now i’m frantically combing thru our conversations tryna figure out where i gave myself away lmao

1. is half correct—i’m a pretty good cook (if i do say so myself 💀) and i actually like washing dishes lol so that’s never stopped me—i am very chindi tho, so i reuse bartan all the time to minimise.

2. true!! i’m fully an extrovert and i have about 2-3 groups of solid friends from different periods of my life; 10/10 would recommend, esp girl gangs.

3. no but this is literally so on point?? i was a very well liked child but i also talked the heck out of everyone’s patience and i was always bouncing around to other classes + i’d exasperated many (including the principal) w my coloured hair & messy uniforms & general…rowdiness lol

4 & 5 are sadly incorrect :( i did take classes for almost everything as a child but i’m not great at any of it. and my fav class is and always has been english!! (until socio came & overtook)

6. beep! another winner!!! i have all sorts of scratches and cuts and scars bc i used to do so much stupid shit. i remember climbing this half-constructed structure once bc there were puppies somewhere inside and i rly wanted to see and ended up having this like. rebar rod thing fully slice into my forearm. u can still see the scar now, like over a decade later lol

and no yaar 😭😭 i like to think 7 is not me—i’m v accommodating and i try not to complain even when i rly wanna (growing up around whiny rich kids has instilled a fear in me to not be the same lol)

8 is very, very true. i take a lot of pride in being almost all my friends’ parents’ favorite; aunty whisperer is a v good name for it too bc grandparents love me ;) (and yes, i was also the one to corrupt almost every single of them. fun times)

u already know 9 is true lmao what can i even say

and 10–hmmmmmmmmmm i’ll give it a. 0.3. bc im a very. very staunch ‘grab whatever and put it on’ kinda gal which means i can (and have) live(d) off The Chair for months on end. it never looks terrible but yah. acceptable i’d say.

What do you think of me: HC edition

[waynedunlaptheorgandonor]

i want to add an addendum, or mb an extrapolation, to my previous post, which is that when i refer to the bonkers parts of the fandom i don't mean ppl who are like, "ugh i don't like this plotline," or "hate what this article said." there are plenty of plotlines i don't like. just bc i'm optimistic doesn't mean i love every second of it. i don't like leah. i don't like how they made a woman character's main purpose be a love interest with a sloppy backstory. but i understand what the point of her is. i don't love that carol married zeke, but i get what the endgame of it was so i'm cool with it. the thing of it is, tho, is that i have to watch the episode to understand, i can't rely on screeners and spoilers bc they are always biased and out of context. and if i had been watching this shit in real time when gimple was around i would not be nearly as zen, bc that shit was just a dude jack off fest with no proper narrative, so i totally get why that would have been hell. but kang has proven herself to be a true storyteller, and true storytelling requires you to pay attention to nuance and symbolism, which is not going to be present in spoilers.

but the ppl i have beef with aren't ppl who are just venting their frustrations in their own circle. those are the ppl i can easily be like "eh, agree to disagree," and step away from. the ppl i have beef with are the ppl who get Mad(tm) and get legit combative with others. the ones who usurp positive posts just to shit on it. the ones who call female actors derogatory names, or threaten cast and crew or other fandom members. ppl who slide into my inbox to be like, "fuck u and ur positivity." i am referring to a very specific brand of fandom peeps who seem to get off on making sure anyone who's having a good time knows that they're not.

there's a marked difference between a mature conversation about why something sucks to you/having valid critique, vs. "i hope that bitch actress shuts her fucking mouth," or fighting to the death in a twitter battle that is about as useful as trying to convince your antivax cousin to stop posting on fb about why it's good to drink essential oils.

i like constructive conversation. i understand wariness when you've been scorned before. but i do not, will not, ever understand or condone the unbridled rage some people seem to have, especially when it is repeatedly proven to be unfounded, week after week after week

some people need to just like. not. just don't. take up crotchet. learn krav maga. masturbate. something more constructive than going out of your way to ruin everyone's good time

i am seriously not targeting specific ppl, largely bc (most of) the ppl im referring to don't interact with me off anon, or i don't fuck with them long enough to learn their names. if i interact with you it is doubtful you fall into the category of "bonkers fandom"

'kay, that's all for the discourse. i'm officially going back to your regularly scheduled shitposts. it just occurred to me that some people might be feeling unjustly targeted, and i wanted to make sure i was clear, bc my entire aim, from the very start, is to be a person ppl can be around to have a good time

so to those of you that hang around on my side of the block, let's do that instead, yeah?

[inkofamethyst]

February 28, 2022

Today didn’t suck as much as I thought it was going it, but it was still a ridiculously long day.

It’s confirmed: Vaughn is, in fact, not attracted to women.  I do not adore him any less.  How can I not not be completely enamored with a man who cooks a barbeque all for himself (it’s the same sort of “oh my goodness you bring so much joy to everything you do and it’s a pleasure to watch your content” that I feel when watching Ruth from Absolute History)?  UGH what a man.

Having biochemistry for only fifty minutes this semester makes the whole thing feel like it’s over with in the blink of an eye.  And maybe it’s because this prof lectures at such a pace that I never get the chance to even feel bored, but I was in class the other day and looked down at the time and was so astonished that forty-four minutes had already passed that I had to do a double take.  I understand now why the prof recommends rewriting your notes after class-- there’s almost no way to fit in thoroughly active learning in class.  And I’ve been rewriting and getting little “oh I get it, that makes sense” moments all over the place.  Not that I hadn’t taken it in during class, but I can connect ideas more outside of class, and that’s what truly helps me learn things.

[the bit below this is just me clearing out a draft lol]

You know what’s funny?  A bit ago I mentioned the whole Bernadette Banner effect in one of these entries because I find it interesting-- she’s an influencer in every sense of the word.  But on tiktok someone mentioned how her hold how her fans view her how... well, how her influence on the historical costuming community is akin to Matthew Mercer’s influence on the dnd community and that’s really interesting to me!

I think they’re both great creators (obviously) and I follow some of their work (obviously) but like,,,, okay.  For example.  I was watching BB make the two coat videos on her channel and it’s quite clear that she learned in between each process and so clearly is continuing to grow in her craft over time and cannot (plus, she does not) claim to be the utmost authority on How Things Should Be Done (also,,,, she often shows sources in her videos that offer alternate ideas on how something should be done and chooses from one!).  Not to mention, she only looks at a subset of all the research materials out there and there historically (she’s mentioned that she asks her costuber friends for advice and knowledge that she doesn’t have!  she’s estimating in places too!) could have been many standards and styles of dressmaking and such.  And one costuber on tiktok was talking about how annoying it is for people to come into her space with Knowledge from Bernadette and tell her off for her technique???  Like ???  (one person commented on the tiktok about how apparently a ton of BB’s most ardent fans tend to be quite pretentious which is unfortunate but certainly seems consistent with the aesthetic that BB exudes (not that she herself is exclusionary or pretentious necessarily, but dark academia, antiquing, sewing with regard for historical practice (esp when it comes to materials bc they ain’t cheap!) can be associated with groups of people who tend to be more exclusionary))  As far as Mercer, I mean his descriptions, how he runs his games (aside from DM style, there’s music! lighting!!)... it’s clearly something he’s built up over time for himself.  It’s amazing to watch and easy to see him as The DM of All DMs but like,,, he’s not the only one.

They’re major influencers of niche spaces.  But, the same way any person should do any research ever, there are multiple voices in any space!  Not just a singular authority!

Oh!  Oh!  And also Hank Green with science education (on tiktok) right now (and he def acknowledges this, esp recently (though I can understand somewhat why people gravitate toward hearing their fun science facts from him instead of other randos on their fyp: Hank isn’t a rando-- he’s literally committed a ton of his life to science education!  From our perspective, he wouldn’t lie to us (even though he made a tiktok ages ago about how you just can’t blindly trust even what trusted people say all the time because they can, in fact, lie to you too), we feel like), as people ask Hank to fact check women and poc more often, apparently)!

Anyway the concert was fine.  I’m just glad to be done with that music.  Don’t get me wrong, it’s fun to play sing, but I’m ready for something fresh.  Everyone did very very well, and I’m looking forward to the next set.

Today I’m thankful that I got through the day without a headache!

[steveandbucky]

I don’t understand if ur serious when u say that you’re anti fatws (esp bucky) lol???? for real?

yeah i think he’s not bucky. OOC. and like, not for stupid shit, but when it comes to stuff that matters. i always thought bucky has a solid moral compass (similar to steves). i mean just from what we’ve seen in canon, idk if this is just my own intrepratations, but anyway, i don’t agree with his actions, i dont agree with him asking sam to put his safety on the line with the ‘you helped steve with the accords i think you should help me’ ok bucky you were taken in as a refugee by an untouchable nation, sam was put into a supermax prison steve had to break him out of, and then was on the run as a fugitive for two years. the absolute NERVE.

and like, the man he breaks out of prison is z*mo? really? that’s his ABUSER. i don’t understand why no one else seems upset by this. that’s not bucky. OOC. if he wanted any help from z*mo, he could have asked for him to help from behind the bars he very much deserves to be behind. if he refused to help, oh well, too bad, buh bye. i dont understand who thought this was a good idea. are we forgetting z*mo intentionally triggered bucky into going into his winter soldier programming, which resulted in bucky killing again? the thing he did not want to do? he literally says, over and over again, ‘i dont do that anymore’ and ‘i dont want to kill anyone’ and ‘(resigned) wheres the fight’.

im not gonna describe *that scene* that triggered me very badly, if you dont know what im talking about im sorry but i cannot physically write the words. but im very very upset at the writers for a throwaway line that implies past sexual abuse* knowing FULL well the majority of their demographic who like bucky/identify with him are in fact women/afab, and like, going by the statistics alone, would find something like this 1. triggering and 2. a slap in the face. just, for why? what purpose did that line serve, actually? was it necessary? for plot progession? (*though, i maintain, z*mo doesnt know shit, he’s being a dick bc thats half his personality, and talking shit bc thats the other half of his personality). but yeah. one of the major reasons i dont like whoever it was that writes bucky in this show.

another thing, the obsession with the shield? putting all that blame onto sam? i mean... i understand he’s upset about being abandoned by his best friend (and arguably only friend, i guess?) but like. shut up about the shield. shut up about the shield!!! where’s the ‘the little guy from brooklyn, im following him’ like bucky never gave a shit about captain america. whats going on through his head actually? bc like.. if there’s things he’s not saying, we won’t fucking know about them, will we?

i honestly dont know what the writers are doing, i don’t know whether they’re completely misunderstanding his characer, or trying to foreshadow bucky going to the dark side, or whats going on. bc at this point he looks more like an antagonist at the very least, if not outright villain.

the only accurate bucky content i have seen so far is like, him and sam acting like a married couple, him making nerdy references, and the flashback scene in wakanda which is the only time i have seen sebastian stan actually acting.

i don’t know who this fool is, but it’s not bucky.

as for the show in general, im not liking what im seeing, and no i dont need to watch it to form an opinion. not gonna put myself through however many hours of mediocre content. i never had high hopes about it, but this half-assed storyline with the flag smashers (clearly a poor attempt at portraying antifas as the enemy), the super soldier serum, the dollar store captain america, z*mo??? why is he even here????

sam not having enough of the spotlight...in his own goddamn show... like. idk. i think he deserved something of his own. a better storyline. something that’s about *him*, his life, his struggles. with bucky as his sidekick. sam, pretending to be too sensible to run into crazy shit, bucky, resigned, being dragged along, being sam’s wingman, his support. *thats* their dynamic. from what i have seen about sam’s scenes, he seems to be more or less in character, imo, but i just... feel like he’s being sidelined. in his own show.

THE THERAPY/THERAPIST. I hate EVERYTHING about it. from her demeanor, attitude towards her client, not addressing him by his preferred name, her judgmental tone/statements, her belittling/dismissing bucky’s pain, her ‘rules’ and just. everything. everything. for ONCE i would like to see an ACCURATE portrayal of therapy in media. because it’s the opposite. the exact opposite of this. there’s a long thread from twitter i reblogged that goes more into detail, but i think like, it’s one of those things that really piss me off. therapy is about creating a safe space, putting your patients comfort first, listening, empathising, not judging, not mocking, not disrespecting, helping your patient open up, help them recover and make progress at their own pace. i mean. its so disgusting to see this. i’ve never had professional psychologist training, not as part of my degree or anything else, and i wrote a fic with steve going to therapy that’s 100% better than this bullshit we’re being served (and at the time i wrote the fic, i had never been to therapy, only counselling, which is very different). how come? why cant they, with their budget and their resources, their ability to conduct extensive research and even hire consultants, not do a better job with this part of the show? disappointing. truly.

maybe i don’t know exactly what’s going on, plotwise, or whatever, but like, if i dont like what i’m seeing, why would i invest more time to find out more about the show? the mcu has been steadily declining since 2016, lets be real. civil war, infinity war, endgame... this was all an absolute shitshow. fatws can only do so much with the canon they are being given to work with, without outright retconning everything, but even so... it’s weak. i always thought the writers wouldnt be able to write anything thats half as good as the stuff fans come up with and... i think i was right.

thanks for the question.

[notnctu]

Hey how are you today ? :) I have a question but don't take it as a critic or anything, but, what is (are) the reason for your departure? Why do you want to log out forever from your blog ? Does your blog reminds you of negative moments who makes you uncomfortable? You don't have to answer tho, I totally respect your decisions! ♡

hello im good today ty for asking!!

let me put a disclaimer that there is nothing that makes me feel uncomfortable about being on here or that its something super serious or that i have issues with writing ff

im also gonna put it under the cut bc its super long and i overshare

reasons why i am leaving was that this blog has always been a temporary thing during quarantine, except I did not predict how big this blog would blow up to be, even surpassing the follower count on my main blog. i had left writing three years ago when i entered college because it was something that takes a lot a lot of my personal time. i only started it back up because we were all stuck at home and me and author xuxi got into nct together, started reading ff and reminisced about the 'old days' of when we would write on our separate accounts. and then we took it farther to actually just drabbling here and there out of boredom and wanted to share it with people. i fell back in love with writing after three years!!

but as you know, the world has slowly started opening back up again and some schools are reopening back to in person instruction, my school being one, and i already know that i would have no time to write. i could barely find time to write when it was online instruction lmaoo along with that, writing has become more of a chore than it being something light and fun, where i could write out my ideas for everyone to read. so i feel pressured to finish projects i promised, making it so its not something that i want to do anymore. like i always have it in the back of my mind, "fuck i need to finish ___" or "i need to write ___" :/ and so i feel like it holds me back from just living my life ig

for the reason why i want to log out and delete the app on my phone is because i chose to leave my blog up so my stories can remain. but i dont want to be on this blog or check it. as long as the app remains on my phone, i would want to click on it to check it routinely on a daily basis. i went on hiatus from feb - april? but i still checked notifications daily in the small moments i had (like lounging around, when i went on my phone before bed, when i checked my notifs when i wake, in the silences during car rides) like checking stats for this blog is so obsessive, im proud of where it has become but i guess im always checking to see if a reader left me kind words on my fic or if i received an ask from one of my anons, i just want to know all the statuses that go on lol and i feel like it distracts me because i can't let go of it. me logging out and deleting the app is my form of letting go, it's my own deactivation of the relationship i have with the blog. i just want to stop dedicating so much of my focus into it? if that makes sense

a small part of me too wants to put writing in the past... i love writing, i say that its a hobby of mine, but like seriously i love writing, it's my way of art expression bc i cant draw or paint for shit lmao i have been writing ff since i was in the 6th grade!! all throughout middle school and high school, and now some parts of college. and i just feel like i love it, but i dont want to pursue it anything more than a hobby and i also dont want to write original characters. i havent really explored writing og and i wouldnt really care to tbh and i feel adrenaline when im writing a passion piece, but i would never write if it wasn't for purpose of publishing it and esp fanfiction, i just want to conclude this part of me.

i know this was super lengthy, but ive kept my reasons of departing to myself, not because its anything incredibly personal, but because my thinking process is long when it came to this decision. i chose the date sep 12 because its the start of training for my club, which requires 100% of my time and so i found that it was just a good marker of when i should take my leave.

i appreciate and i wholehearted love every aspect of this blog; my followers, my works, my mutuals, everyone's feedback, everyone's sweet and kind messages, all the interactions, the aesthetic, all of it is something i thoroughly enjoyed and actually made me so incredibly happy. this blog was my safe haven, which is the reason why i can't deactivate it. there are so many parts of this blog that i come back to just to smile (my birthday wishes, my mutuals' support, feedback on stories i worked my ass off for, stories that i am genuinely so proud of, my own shit posts sometimes lmao) this blog is a time capsule of a moment in my life where life was paused and i could literally pass every day as if they were all the same and i could write with no other distractions. and i want to come back to it someday, although it would be long forgotten and untouched, but just to look back and reminisce (again) about the 'old days'.

[kewltie]

anyway, abo au where alpha prohero ground zero decides it's time to start a family of his own but he doesn't have a mate and neither does he want one so he signs up for an omega surrogate program & meet his former childhood friend who will now carry his baby for him. 

izuku is a male omega w/ v v v high fertility even for his secondary sex and a strong body which make him an ideal surrogate to give birth healthy babies. w/ the program izuku contracted, izuku had given birth to several babies for various ppl over the years & babies are all happy and that's all that matter.

being a surrogate wasn't ever part of his dream but izuku is an omega & quirkless in a world that doesn't exactly appreciate either. one day when he was fruitlessly working at his 9 to 5 job, a rep from the company approached him w/ a pamphlet about surrogacy. the paid is v v good, the prenatal care & pregnancy compensation is all taken care of by the clients and his company, and he can select and choose which jobs to take. many families and ppl in the world cant have kids of their own for various reasons and izuku is HELPING THEM ACHIEVE THEIR DREAM. in his own way izuku is helping these people!!!!  He may not be saving lives has a hero that he always wanted to be but he's giving them their hope and dream in a child they all want so izuku does his job proudly. the only sadness he gets from it that once it's over the baby isn't his anymore bc he's contracted to sign over his parental rights to his clients.

so he tries desperately not to fall desperately in love w/ each of the babies he had. it's... tough but he loves them all the same. the good point is that some of his clients will let him talk and meet w/ their child’s birth parent so izuku isn't deprived of that connection.

it's a quiet and unconventional job, but izuku is happy w/ this lifestyle that he had chosen even as it make DATING AN ABSOLUTE pain. how do you explain to ppl that no you're not marry yet or date anyone but you have several kids floating around all over japan in various household??? lol /o\ this made him feel terribly alone thinking how he wants a family of his own one day after seeing how he's making his client so happy w/ their new baby in their arms. happiness wrapped in a surreal sadness as he watched his babies w/ their new family wishing for that happiness for himself one day but while izuku is settled in his bubble of melancholy an solitude, katsuki BUSTED DOWN THAT DOOR when he made a requested to have a surrogate. NOT JUST ANYONE WILL DO, the best one you FUCKING GOT: experience, results, good health, strong quirk, smart, and not some fucking easy omega.

the qualifications and requirements are obscene and ridiculous lolol but he paid through the roof to get the absolute best for his future child. izuku hits every one of these markers except... for the quirk one. the program hesitate to bring the two to meet but katsuki is impatience. he had been delayed and delayed over and over again for months as they try to match up a good surrogate partner for him. every one of them he had quickly rejected v v loudly and walked out on the meeting. izuku is literally their last hope as katsuki throws another fit.

katsuki is getting older now, close to his 30s annd still stuck in singlehood while all his colleagues and friends settle down with a family of their own. his parents, esp his old hag, has been relentlessly nagging him to GIVE HER A BABY ALREADY SHE WANTS TO BE A GRANDMA BEFORE SHE DIE so w/ all kind of pressures, he said fuck it, i'll give you a fucking BABY but i dont need a mate to do it but in truth he earnestly does want a baby for his own bc the idea of raising a tiny human w/ all the trails and errors and potentially fucking up is humbling & huge responsibility.  he thinks he’s up for it like the pro-stage where he's standing at the top now, he can conquered it w sheer force and effort as he does w/ any challenge that he face. Parenthood will be his greatest battle and hurdle he has to overcome and he's going to fucking ACE IT. so katsuki is 10000% in this and he wants the best surrogate for his baby.

the program finally have izuku & katsuki meet after wasting 5 months of trying to find katsuki a suitable partner that he won't reject right away. so their first meeting go something like this: multiple slam doors, a table is flipped, and a lot of yelling.

it went great because izuku is hired right away. Just kidding.

katsuki had thought it was some giant fucking joke the moment izuku had walked through that door. "Who the fuck set this up?!" he demanded, kicking a coffee table over. so furious that his hands were shaking bc the idea of the length he'd went through and hoops he'd jumped over to get here JUST SO HE CAN BE MAKE A FOOL OUT OF, he'd stormed out a sec later, slamming doors violently on his way out and they had to dragged his ass back w/ the fervent promise that no IT'S NOT A PRANK AND WE HAVE NOTHING TO DO W/ CHARGEBOLT OR RED RIOT, PLS PLS LISTEN TO US.

he came back to izuku's unperturbed face as he took a sip of his coffee and katsuki snapped defensively, "i hope you won't fucking be drinking that piss when you're pregnant with my baby."

Unimpressed, Izuku replied, "good thing im not pregnant yet bc who said i would agree."

Flustered and red in the face w/ anger bc THE AUDACITY OF IZUKU TO REJECT HIM WHEN KATSUKI SHOULD BE THE ONE TO DOING IN THE FIRST PLACE!! izuku was the one who doesn't deserve to carry his child!! but the director of the program hurriedly assured him that izuku IS THE *BEST*. he got a pages of recommendation/referral, glowing reviews, and every client of his had never been happier bc of him. all his pregnancy were carried to full term and the babies are all good & strong. izuku himself go the gym when he's not on the job, keeping a healthy lifestyle. he doesn't drink or smoke (which katsuki emphasized in his requirement) and his family doesn't have any record any genetic disorder. he may not have finish college but he test high in his IQ and he take his job v v v seriously. the only problem was... he's quirkless.

it's a thing izuku always make it point for all his clients to know what they could potentially get w/ their children if they chose him. some walked away but most stayed with bc izuku is THE BEST OF THE BEST and they want kid more than they want a manufactured perfect child.

"will that be a problem?" izuku asked, meeting his eyes dead on. "does the thought of having a quirkless child anger you?"

katsuki bristles, clenching & unclenching his hands at his side. though no much had change over the years, he's older now, not that dumbass kid anymore, misguided by his own sense of pride and arrogance and warped by prejudice and the superiority of his quirk. He had left that behind in UA, who happily beaten the idiocy out of him. now, he doesn't care if his child is quirkless or not bc they're his and he'll raise and love them all the same. if the world treat his kid crap for being quirkless, he'll teach them to fuck the world up till it bow down and kiss their ass bc they're a bakugou and they don't settle for anything less, which brought back to the point that izuku REALLY IS THE BEST THEY GOT.

so he shook his head and said, "it doesn't matter whether they're quirkless or not bc they're mine and i always take good care of what's mine."

Izuku's eyes widen and for fraction of a second his cool mask of difference crack under katsuki's heartfelt and sincere words. They havent seen each other since middle school, that’s over a decade, and katsuki truly have grown up into someone the entire world can admire and hold up on a pedestal as the no. 1 hero in the country.

"And what about you? you're okay with me?" katsuki retorted. "with the kind of volatile *history* that we shared."

Izuku paused, and then, he said quietly, "i'm not that petty to deny you a child bc of our past bc neither of us are the kids we were back then."

katsuki stood up. "get him the paperworks and have him sign it. i want him and nobody else."

Izuku jerked up in surprised. "that's it? you dont want to ask me anything else? don't you want to go through my records and background to make sure that im the right fit for you."

katsuki stared down at him and it was like pinned under glass before he said, "we may have changed, but something are still the same. you still want to help ppl even if this is a roundabout way  to do it. i trust my instinct and my instinct is screaming at me to give you a fucking chance." He looked away, scratching the back of his head as he continued, "if there's one thing that is made clear to me now is that you're a good person and i was a shittyass kid for not realizing that sooner."

izuku's breath hitched. it's not an apology but it's damn close.

and with that he left izuku dizzy with a confusing cocktail of warmth, shock, and something far too nebulous and strange for him to put a finger to yet. when he first realized it was katsuki who was looking for a surrogate, he'd steel himself of the rejection & lashing out to come. izuku had spent his entire life rejected one way or another, so he was mentally prepare for this to be added to pile esp from the man who had hurt him repeatedly before. when katsuki had left for U.A. and izuku in the dust, they rarely have anything to do w/ each other after that even as he'd followed katsuki meteoric rise to the top, his blazing trajectory that placed him as the current no.1 bc despite everything, katsuki truly is amazing and deserved his place. he just never thought they would meet again in the sort of situation where a baby is the bargaining chip.

izuku was prepared for everything that katsuki would throw at him... but not his fervent agreement. now, izuku got to face the fact that for a year they're going to spend in each other pocket as izuku tries to carry not only katsuki's baby but his hope and future too. it's going to be either a total nightmare or some v v surreal dream bc it's bakugou katsuki with all that fame and temper and strong armed will and izuku is just... plain old izuku. he never had a client w/ such power and weight to throw around and so high profile that every know his name.

oh what did he sign up for, izuku thought as the door to the meeting room was slammed open again and katsuki glared at the director. "wait i want it all to be done today," katsuki said. "put my sperms in him as soon as possible."

izuku dropped his face into his hand and sighed.

the process of getting izuku impregnated is all v clinical and boring. izuku goes under a pseudo heat simulation that fool his body to think he's actually going into heat so his fertility up even more so during this period and he get artificially inseminated w/ katsuki's sperm. this is actually a process and takes several days & even weeks to prepare bc waiting for izuku's most fertile window during his heat period is v v important to have higher chance of success NORMALLY but w/ advance tech izuku can go under a pseudo heat that trigger release of eggs  so they can get it all done pretty quickly and dont have to wait for nature to set it up for them.

katsuki already provided enough sperm to last a fucking lifetime bc he's an overly prepared asshole and it's three days later when they meet back at the clinic to start the process. all of this is under the watchful care of doctors and nurses to make sure everything go right. izuku had done this many times before for his previous clients so this isn't new to him at all but it's the first time that a client specifically demand to be part of the entire process.

izuku stares him down and tells him in no uncertain detail bc it's already weird enough to be the one to carry his former childhood friend's baby but to have him watch izuku get inseminated w/ his sperm?? YEA OK, no. katsuki glowers bc he just want everything to GO SMOOTHLY. his micromanagement & obsessiveness drives the clinic insane but izuku kinda finds it funny and cute?? maybe bc he's aware that it's just katsuki's nerves acting up since this is so terribly new and terrifying for him and HE DOESN'T LIKE IT WHEN THINGS ARENT UNDER HIS CONTROL.

neither katsuki or izuku is alone this bc surrogacy isn't about either them it's about the baby and the ppl who helps make it possible and that's both of them. the surrogate who carries the unborn fetus and donor who gives a part of themselves to make it all possible. izuku hesitates before deciding screw it & reaches out and holds katsuki's hand in comfort AS THOUGH KATSUKI THE ONE GETTING THE PROCEDURE DONE TO HIM. "i'll be fine," he insists. "i've done this plenty of times before and dr. abe even longer than that with 20yrs of experience so i'll be ok."

"I'm not worry," katsuki snaps, even though he squeezes Izuku's hand hard enough that izuku is afraid his bones might crack under the pressure. "i know you'll be fucking fine, wont he dr. abe?" he stares down at the doctor with the full force of his wrath that the doctor shifts nervously.

"o-of course, bakugou-san," dr abe is quick to assure him. "our best ppl is on the job."

izuku rolls his eyes bc while heat inducing artificial insemination isn't exactly a new tech but there's a risk to any kind of medical procedure. it's low though and izuku isn't worry.

katsuki lets him go and izuku just sends him a quick reassuring smile over his shoulder even as katsuki can't take his eyes off of the entire trip to the surgical room. the process takes around 1-2 hours max & izuku comes out of it mostly woozy & still under heat related stress.

he needs to rest the next few days as he lets nature and w/ the help of science takes it course. izuku rests up at the clinic that provide him 24hrs care to make sure everything is alright which is all normal and part of the procedure. what surprise him is that katsuki visiting him DAILY. he actually bring izuku's home cooked meals that are carefully & thoughtfully prepared (healthy food choices!!) that it silences him for a moment.

"you know im not pregnant yet," izuku points out helpfully. "do you want me to explain how biology work in case UA didn't go over it in their curriculum?"

"shut your face and just eat," katsuki says with a glower, and watches intensely as izuku eats every bite and not leave a single piece behind. while there he harasses izuku's nurses and doctors, asking for izuku's vital stats and probing questions about the surgery & his health.it's so annoying and overbearing, but izuku can't help the smile threatening to break through his defense bc that's just like katsuki shoving his business into everything and dominating the entire process even though it is IZUKU who is going through it all. it's dreadfully cute.

izuku is fully recovered after several days of rest as expected and he is, once again surprised, to see katsuki is right there every step of the way as he is release from the clinic. katsuki who took a short shift today just so he can pick izuku up, which IS SUPER RARE. katsuki is a total workaholic and married to his job kind of pro hero so for him to take half a day off is beyond shocking for everyone?? bc HE GOT ENOUGH VACATION/SICK DAYS TO TAKE SEVERAL MONTHS OFF w/o any worry, but he came to take izuku home and make sure everything is in order.

it's not that izuku didn't have any clients wanting to be so involve in the whole surrogacy/pregnancy process but katsuki takes it into a whole new lvl w/ how much he inserts himself into izuku's life like it's not just the baby he care about but izuku too. he delivers izuku home and make sure izuku have his emergency contacts at all time in case ANYTHING, ABSOLUTEY ANYTHING HAPPEN and he wants izuku to text him daily with updates even for stupid things. he's obsessive and demanding and nervous, and izuku thinks it's funny as hell.

so for the next several weeks, izuku flood katsuki's phone w/ commentary about his days that HAS NOTHING TO DO W/ his chance of being pregnant. since izuku full time job is just being a surrogate, he mostly spend his days wandering around the city, reading, volunteering, etc. izuku updates katsuki on his daily activities and while he doesn't always get a reply immediately but his updates are always left on read and sometimes katsuki would leave some *encouraging* word like 'yea,' or 'okay' and izuku doesn't know why but he finds them comforting all the same.

 when he wanders around the city, he'll text katsuki his coordinates bc katsuki is paranoid &wants him to keep away from dangerous area or area under villain attack, he would take pictures of the heroes he see and katsuki would have a snarky comments on each & every one of them. it's in this moments that the two of them really come alive. izuku get a glimpse of the world that he could have had if he had a quirk and pursue his dream of going pro hero and insights on what it's like to be bakugou katsuki, the man standing at the pinnacle of the pro hero scene.

At this point katsuki is even more engaged in izuku's text now. he becomes interest in the books izuku is currently reading, the outreach programs izuku super passionate about esp for young and disenfranchise quirkless youths. then there are izuku's rowdy neighbors and their hilariously complicated love life that izuku is terribly invested bc of his lack of one.

"i think higa-san is going to break up with him today," izuku would update him one day, after watching his neighbors have another blow out.

katsuki texts back an hour later: "yea right, the guy is spineless coward. he wouldn't ever go through it."

izuku lets out a smile as he stares down at the text. it's the most fun izuku ever had in the middle of a job that he forget they're not friends at all but client and surrogate. this is a job for him and izuku is an end to a mean for katsuki. it doesn't mean anything. It couldn’t mean anything. Why is he even trying?

Izuku has been doing the job for seven years and carried his pregnancy to full terms five times. he knows the routine even though each client he had were different from one another and not all pregnancy are the same, but he knows what to expect and prepare. nothing truly surprised him anymore. Or at least they shouldn’t. ,his world didn't suddenly change w/ katsuki's arrival in his ordinary life. izuku is still very much the same person, but all the same he wake up everyday w/ renews energy and lightens heart, looking forward to seeing the text notification from katsuki popping up on his phone screen.

he finds himself looking forward to their interaction the most throughout his days. a glimpse into katsuki's world and what it means to be a part of his life again however temporary it is bc izuku knows there is a time limit to this. he's only allow to talk like this w/ katsuki bc he's doing him a favor, a job, an obligation in exchange of money. they're in a relationship artificially made, they're not friends or colleagues and izuku may be carrying katsuki's baby in the future but he's not a parent w/ katsuki.

He’s an incubator.

these thoughts feel tangibly familiar to his past cases where he had carried the fetus to full term and had to part ways with his baby and the client/parents and separate himself from their lives after the birth but it had never hurt in this way like the thoughts alone would cut his heart into pieces now. it's beyond selfish to get attach and izuku tries to maintain a careful distance w/ katsuki bc they're client and an employee, but katsuki is relentless. he won't settle for just for pieces of izuku and his life. he wants it all. Izuku may be weak enough to give it to him…

 he invests himself into izuku's life, his interest, his worries and thoughts. to katsuki, izuku isn't just an incubator but someone who shares the other half of his baby's genes so of fucking course he IS INVESTED BC izuku is just as important as the fetus he could be carrying right now but izuku has a hard time wrapping his head around it bc while izuku was w/ his other client they were all kind and caring to him during his surrogacy but never to this length. they weren't interest in him as a person but someone who is a means to an end, a tool to make their dream come true.

izuku isn't hurt by that regard bc he knows getting involve w/ your surrogate can be a hot mess & confusing for the baby growing up so izuku knows how to keep his distance and careful to keep his heart walled up but katsuki has a habit of breaking things. He’s so very, very good at it, especially distubring the peace of izuku’s heart.

katsuki may be relentless w/ his attention & dedication but izuku's walls went down embarrassingly easy as though he was waiting for katsuki to reach out toward him after all the years apart and shake him loose from his bubble of solitude. katsuki doesn't realize how affected izuku is by his clumsy and gestures, but izuku won't tell. He’s too embarrassed to ever bring it up because even after all these years katsuki still has such a sever effect on him.

so izuku lends himself to enjoy this upcoming months as much as he can bc once it's over they will part ways again as though they exist solely in different space and the only chance he'll get to see katsuki and the baby is through the screen of his tv. it doesn't bring him any comfort but it's manageable. izuku can deal with it. he got years to get used to it by now.  It’s not gentle but it’s a blunt kind of truth that mend with time.

several weeks after since izuku did the procedure, he doesn't feel any different but izuku wakes up one morning and he could feel a strangeness settling over his body. there are a lot of old wives tales about pregnant omegas and women and most of them are false, standing against scientific knowledge but izuku been going around this block five times already, so he realizes there may be some truths to a few of them.

he gets out of bed and makes breakfast before making sure to send a text and photo to katsuki about his meals bc katsuki is ANAL about making izuku eat right. katsuki motherhenning him miles away even as he is out on patrol is still the most hilarious and weirdly sweet thing, izuku finds. it doesn't feel suffocating at all to him. sometimes he when the thought slip out of him unconsciously he thinks this is what it's like to have an alpha of his own, but katsuki isn't his by any means.

izuku forgoes his favorite breakfast meal this time and go for something he rarely eats. a food that he normally doesn't chose but it feels right this time. it all clicks. the signs were all there several days back. the frequent bathroom usage, his breasts throbbing, and cramps. he'd seen it already but this morning it lines up perfectly like it was all meant to be, like everything is built up just for this moment right here.

so with a bounce to his steps, he waits for katsuki's text back. It takes a few mins when katsuki get back from his morning run bc he got a routine and is terribly predictable in that regard. his following texts rip into izuku's choice of food bc IT ISN'T HIS USUAL at all and katsuki have colorful words about the kind of junk izuku force feed into his body and DOESN'T HE KNOW HOW TO TAKE CARE OF HIMSELF. HOW THE FUCK DID HE SURVIVES ALL THESE YEARS ON HIS OWN.

izuku smiles down at his phone even though katsuki is blasting him and everything he choose to be, but HE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW WHAT IT ALL MEANS. it's kinda adorable so when katsuki get into a slow rant about food group and healthy life choices, izuku cuts in:

me: oh btw im pregnant :)

he didn't get any get any respond from katsuki for the next five mins so during that time izuku makes fresh cup of juice to drink while katsuki works to settle down his panic. when he comes back fifteen mins later, it's to a series of angry keymash and texts.

kacchan: a;sjdasdf

kacchan: as;dlifucccck

kacchan: fuck fuck fuck

kacchan: are you serious?!

kacchan: DONT FUCKING JOKE WIHT ME DEKU

kacchan: i'm coming over right now

kacchan: you better be sitting down

kacchan: don't fucking move even an inch

kacchan: YOU HEAR ME

me: ok

izuku sits there peacefully, enjoying his cup of juice as he waits for katsuki's arrival. one of his hand rests over his stomach carefully & though he hadn't taken any test or get his bloodwork done, he knows, instinctively & intimately that there is a life growing inside of him.

it's all very silly and unproven since there's no concrete evidence to support any of it, but maybe it's his omega instinct, maybe it's his experience as a carrier who brought five children into this world, or maybe it's just wishful thinking on his part, but he knows and this is a truth that won’t be brought down.

izuku takes his job v seriously bc people's happiness hinged on his ability to give them a child they earnestly had wished for so he of course he would want to be pregnant as soon as possible, but--izuku looks down at his stomach, this time even more so he wants it to be real.

 he wants to be the one to fulfilled katsuki's earnest wish and give him the child he desired. it's as much a part of his job, his duty, but also something he selfishly wants for himself. this baby, this child will be his only connection to katsuki once his job his completed. they'll part ways after this--no more late night phone calls, morning texts, and silly anecdotes they exchange to each other everyday bc izuku is unlikely to ever see him again. their worlds are just too far apart, like the two planets stuck in orbit but never meeting but at least with this child, izuku knows there is always a piece of him w/ katsuki always. so more than anything, this child will be his gift to katsuki.

he picks up his phone & sends katsuki a text.

me: if you dont mind, could you pick up a pregnancy test just to be sure?

izuku knows himself & his body, but he wants to be 110% sure for katsuki's sake. he doesn't want to get katsuki's hope up only to crush it later. katsuki's respond back is quick and telling.

kacchan: will three do?

kacchan: do you need anything else?

kacchan: i'll get them

izuku pauses, frowning hard as he looks down at his phone.

me: please don't text and drive

me: also, try stay below the speed limits

me: i dont want you to die before you see your child.

this time it takes longer to get a respond back.

kacchan: dont fucking talk to me about the speed laws kacchan: im not a reckless idiot

kacchan: my entire job description is to uphold the law so degenerates dont fucking run amok

kacchan: ... im not driving right now

izuku's brows furrow in thought before a smile cracks across his face.

me: kacchan... did you pull over to the side just to yell at me?

me: that's so terribly cautious and cute of you :3c

me: you're already on your way to becoming a great dad.

kacchan: FUCK YOU!!!!!!

Izuku laughs, light and so tinged with joy that it feels so strange to him to be this happy about something silly as this.

me: not a chance but thanks.

me: dont forget to buy my pregnancy test and i dont need anything else. just come here as soon as possible afterward

and he leaves it that. katsuki doesnt text him back anymore, leaving izuku to wait for his arrival with anticipation. he should get up and clean the apartment so it's presentable at least to katsuki. he hadn't had a guest in a while so this would get a good change but katsuki's warning still loop in his head. getting up to clean the apartment would constitute moving around and izuku is barely into his first trimester so, it's not like he's straining his body or anything. katsuki is just being an overbearing anxious new father.

izuku had seen that before in his past clients, who constantly fret over izuku's health but they're not THE GROUND ZERO and he has the nagging suspicious that he doesn't want to test katsuki's thinning patience with him. it's fun to tease him like this but he knows his limit. so izuku continues to sit there & waits, playing w/ his phone as he scrolls through the hero news site to check any interesting updates. izuku may have long let go of his dream but he can't disconnect from it completely. it's how he stay in the loop w/o actually being a part of it.

izuku's eyes widen as he spots a tweet on the #groundzero tag on twitter that sits atop of all others: "no jokes, guys i think i just a saw #groundzero stormed into my store and headed toward the omega’s hygiene care aisle. he bought a bunch of stuff before heading out.”

it already got a several thousands likes and retweets, with a flood of comments that ranged from "what?? sounds fake lol" or "okay, who would have guess gz would be the one to secretly keeping an omega on the side" and others are filled with more confusion and disbelief.

izuku makes a face. his contract binds him to confidentially and assurance that his identity remains quiet. he never had any problem with his identity being exposed w/ any of previous clients but then again he never had such a famous client before. this--is going to be a headache. he chews down on his lower lip in thought as he shuts down his phone. he's going to have to remind katsuki to be more careful next time lest they figure out what katsuki is up to... and who izuku is to him. not his friend, not his sweetheart, not his omega but his surrogate.

just as izuku ponders about doing damage control, there is a series of loud insistent knocks on his apartment door. izuku blinks and hurriedly to the door w/o any thought who is on the other side bc somehow he knows it got to be *him*.

he opens to door to katsuki's scowling face.

"i told you to not fucking move," katsuki scolds, and pushes his way inside w/o any invite, carefully moving izuku to the side like izuku is made of glass which make izuku annoyed right away but also painfully fond in that . he's an overprotective idiot but he's trying and that's--*something*.

 "how else would i let you in then," izuku retorts, rolling his eyes as he leads katsuki into apartment. "im only couple of weeks pregnant at most and you're already asking for miracles."

katsuki scoffs but doesn't argue as he hands izuku a full plastic bag. "okay, start peeing."

"I--" Izuku opens the bag and looks inside, staring down at the pregnancy tests stuffed to the rim of the small bag, all eleven boxes of them, "I dont have enough pee for this."

katsuki frowns. "drink a lot of water then," he suggests.

Izuku shoots him a glare. "that's not funny," he snaps.

katsuki's frowns deepen. "i'm not being funny," he says.

Izuku sighs and just digs his hand into the bag to grab a handful of the boxes. "i'll do only two so dont even." he throws the rest of the bag at katsuki and heads toward the bathroom.

it horrifyingly takes them all 30mins to be done w/ the tests bc katsuki v loudly insisted that he should do more than two, kept on banging on the bathroom door to let him know that. izuku gritted his teeth and took three more and really DID RAN OUT OF PEE AFTER THE FIFTH ONE.

the wait for the test results which only take a mins or two is ramped up by katsuki anxiously pacing back and forth in front of izuku until izuku grabs him by the sleeve of his shirt and drags him down to the sit next to him in the couch. "it'll be okay," he assures katsuki.

katsuki scowls and brushes off his touch, but he seems to breathe a little easier after that. the first three tests gives them a positive, the fourth is a negative, and the fifth is a positive. izuku frowns at the result. he knows in his heart that is w/o a doubt pregnant and the majority of the results support that but, he casts a nervous glance katsuki whose face is seemingly troubled, that's probably not enough for katsuki who spend a load of money to afford izuku's time, commitment, and body. Izuku is expensive but so is katsuki’s time and investment.

he definitely wants more than a dubious result that isn't 100% guarantee that izuku's pregnant and even if izuku tells him that he is truly pregnant bc izuku knows his own body, that may not go well either. "we can get the bloodwork done tomorrow to check for sure," izuku tries to assures him. Sometimes science speak louder than a parental instinct.

katsuki stares at him, eyes so intently focus on izuku that he feels like's a butterfly pinned under katsuki's gaze. abruptly, he reaches a hand out and grabs Izuku's own, giving it a quick and purposeful squeeze. "Move in with me," he says, sounding so grave and serious.

izuku gets up from his seat. "Do you want something to drink?" he asks, already heading toward the kitchen. "suddenly, im parched."

"did you hear what i just said?!" katsuki demands, trailing after him like a yapping puppy on his heels. "And sit the fuck down! let me get it."

abruptly, izuku stops and turns around to face katsuki with a glower on his face. "im just pregnant and not an invalid," he snaps, annoyance prickling at him. he had been doing this longer than katsuki could even imagine. "And i can get the drinks myself in my *own* home thank you." katsuki's eyes widen slightly at the sharp tone izuku had quickly adapted and heaves a sigh, carding a hand through his hair in frustration like izuku is the one being purposely difficult here. "I--fuck--" He frowns, face scrunches as he search for his next words. izuku waits it out, patient and silence against the inner turmoil that must now be swirling inside of katsuki.

katsuki's gaze drops to the floor, hands balling at his side. his breathing even out as he grimaces. "sorry," he finally settles on with a quiet mumble.

Izuku steps back in surprise. shock, really. "w--wait can repeat that again because i just thought i heard you apologized without any prompting."

katsuki flushes, ducking his head. "shut the fuck up. im not going to repeat myself," he rebukes, but the damage had been done.

Despite the years tempering his recklessness out he can't help wanting to poke the hornet's nest. "i honestly didn't think sorry was in your vocabulary, kacchan," he teases, grinning.

katsuki flinches back as though struck, surprising izuku once more. the words were said in jest, meant to ease katsuki into a laugh or close to it at least but something like pained flickers across Katsuki's face that immediately izuku wants to take it all back, but katsuki's expression had already closed up.

Izuku's heart hurt, thinking that he'd lost him. he'd pushed too hard. they're aren't friends, barely acquaintances really. just a client-employee dynamic that izuku should have been careful of. he always know where to toe the line of the boundaries of his job and with his client, but--they were doing so well that he'd hoped. been so hopeful because it had almost feels like they were sort of friends again.

izuku and katsuki had always orbit each other's world but childish pride, anger, and superiority had torn them apart and izuku was pushed out of Katsuki’s life. now that they're older, izuku is no longer that child blindingly infatuated with this remarkable person before him. he knows what he's capable of and katsuki had certainly earned his place at the top of the world but he won't be cowed either. so it's fine if katsuki doesn't want to fall back into a some kind of make shift friendship with him. it's fine if he just want to think izuku is just a walking incubator for his child. izuku will survive. He had survive this long without katsuki ‘s looming shadow after all.

katsuki hunches over as he grits his teeth. "fuck."

izuku blinks.

  "i'm not that shitty fucked up kid anymore," katsuki nearly growl out, pinning izuku with a look of full intent. "I'm," he swallows, hesitant, wary, "i'm trying to be a better person, a friend, a son, and most importantly a father now that we have a spawn coming our way."

Izuku's heart quickens at the 'we' usage even though it probably means nothing. nothing at all. katsuki was only just opening himself to him. this is something that startling new and truly welcoming experience for katsuki and izuku shouldn't mistake it for anything else. he can't be too greedy. so he steps forward, wanting to reach out and touch katsuki to affirm of his existence, but he doesn't. not when katsuki is like an exposed wire right now--twitchy, nervous, and just a little shy of imploding from carving himself open for izuku to see all his true feelings and motives.

izuku smiles.

"If i didn't think you were a good person then i wouldn't have entrusted this child,” he touches his still flat stomach, knowing life is stirring underneath his palm, "with you." katsuki truly had grown up. he'll be a good father, izuku muses but it's a bittersweet feeling. "i still want my independence though," he continues. "i've done this many times before so you can stop treating me like i'm going to break if you breath the wrong way. thousands and millions of omegas and women have been doing this a lot longer than me and they're fine. im fine, so breathe."

katsuki's presses his lip together into a grim line. "I know that," he shakes his head, "but you dont have to this alone. i'll want to be there with you every step of the way even if it mean you need someone to run to the grocery store for some shitty midnight craving. I want to be the first person you think about when you need any kind of assistance not because you're weak or helpless but because you just need someone, so let me be that person for you," he finishes, looking on in pained after spouting such sweet sentiments.

it makes izuku want to laugh, but he doesn't think that would be welcoming right now because katsuki still got his pride after all. "I'll think about it," he acquiesce, heart warming several hundred degrees as though he's standing under the direct sunlight of bakugou katsuki.

katsuki grimaces, clearly unhappy with izuku's non-answer but he relents anyway with a long heave. "ok, ok, i can deal with that," he says like the words alone was hard enough to swallow, "but if you change your mind at any moment just let fucking know!"

Oh, no, izuku thinks helplessly. he wants to give katsuki a treat for being so annoyingly overbearing but considerate in his own clumsy ways. "well, if you behave yourself, i might even consider taking you with me to my OBGYN doc this thursday," he says casually with a shrug.

Katsuki scowls, but he stands up straighter. "I'll--" he looks away, flushed with an earnest yearning spread across his face, "be good, okay?"

Izuku quietly tucks a smile between his pressed lips before it break through even though this is terrible for his weak, weak heart.

[binickandros]

(same anon from the start of this discussion) i love how in depth you got with the answer!! and i 100% agree with you now. of course i would never want 2020!nick and 2020!tom to be exactly like book!nick and book!tom. king's representation of disabilities was already outdated at the time. i just think they should've had the same importance to the plot as they do originally, and tbf, imo they have one of the best dynamics in fiction, which could be deeply explored. i do give the writers some (very very little) credit for kinda making it less ableist (like having nick sign), but they did so wrong from the start (hiring a hearing actor) that everything kinda went downhill from there. and also, nick and tom are not the only inappropriately represented dynamic, like where the hell did stu/fran come from?? how about some more stu&glen?? they made frannie know ASL, wouldn't it make her dynamic with nick more interesting?? idk i'm not very coherent right now. i just loved your answer and had to keep the conversation going lol (and im tired of talking about harold 😔)

Right, I mean it’s an adaptation, so making changes (especially updates) on a 42-year-old work is perfectly fine. Even accepted. Esp with Nick bc p much everything happens inside his head. We’ve gotta make some changes so we know what’s going on with him, what he’s thinking, etc. But that’s the challenge of any book-to-screen adaptation, and if you aren’t prepared to tackle that, you shouldn’t do it! Anyway once again I have a lot to say...

I liked that at least someone knew ASL, but it was so obvious that 1) Henry Zaga can hear and 2) they had no one on set who was deaf or HOH. The scene where the committee is deciding to send spies is the worst example. First of all, Glen, who’s leading the discussion, is BEHIND Nick. So Nick doesn’t catch a single word of what he’s saying. Secondly, at one point Nick got up and walked away, with his back to the room. So he missed that entire exchange. If I remember correctly, Larry was sort of behind Nick too. Or maybe in front of him w his back to him? Either way, seated so that Nick couldn’t read his lips. I kept pausing to bitch about it to my mom bc it was so gd annoying.

Obvs Rob Lowe is a hearing actor as well, but he made an effort to like turn ppl’s faces toward him or crane his neck to try to see their faces. He actively tried to follow conversations the way a deaf lipreader might. Some of that could be Henry Zaga’s choices, but a director’s job is to direct, and a writer’s job is to include (at least some) stage direction.

I know that Frannie wasn’t meant to be fluent in ASL, but the fact that she translated what she was saying, but not what anyone else was saying, bugged tf outta me. Also just how Henry Zaga and Odessa Young signed! ASL (all forms of sign language, but that’s the one we’re talking about here) is a 3D language: it’s not just the signs themselves, but also facial expressions and body language. That’s why you can’t directly translate ASL into written English (along w syntax, but that’s outside the scope of this convo), but instead have to “interpret” what’s being signed into written language.

Like I’m very glad they chose to have Nick signing, but just like everything else w him, they didn’t put much effort into it. Part of that could be put on the actor (I have no idea what prep work he did for the role), but like...just based on everything we see onscreen, I seriously doubt he was encouraged to do more than just “learn the signs for these words.”

When they first announced the casting for Fran I was concerned just bc of how much younger than James Marsden Odessa Young is. I think they meant Stu to be a bit younger than James, like maybe late 30s, but...idk she looked like his daughter to me. They didn’t have any romantic chemistry, and the fact that we got no backstory as to how they fell for each other just made that worse. I’m not criticizing Odessa Young here; the poor thing was given nothing to do besides sit around looking wan and pregnant; but like I mentioned in another ask, what do these 2 ppl have in common?! Who knows, bc we literally know nothing about either of them, except that Frannie’s pregnant and Stu’s a widower.

And, yeah, I would’ve loved more Stu and Glen. I’m iffy on how they characterized Glen in some ways. Like when I heard the casting for that I was a hard NO, partially bc Greg Kinnear isn’t old enough, but then they changed the character so that the casting choice worked...I’m just not sure if the character changes worked for me, personally. I did like his death scene better in this one, though. And that he actually got through to Lloyd.

Like we all keep bitching about Nick, bc that was the worst example, but ALL of the “good” characters were seriously under-served here. Where were the prophetic dreams? Where were the groups coming together out on the road? Where were any scenes of them bonding or getting to know each other in Boulder?

I was literally just telling a friend (in the middle of typing this answer) that I think sometimes when people adapt horror (I’m looking at YOU, Kubrik, bc yes The Shining is a gr8 movie, but it’s a dreadful adaptation) they think “it’s horror it’s gotta be scary” and forget that a lot of what makes the best horror is characters. Genre fiction is criticized for being too plot-driven, as opposed to literary fiction being character-driven, and while DUH obviously the plot is hugely important in a novel like The Stand, would you actually give that much of a fuck what happens if you didn’t care about the people involved?

Nick’s death carried so little weight bc they’d diminished the character to a shadow of himself, so it was just like “oh that cute boy with the eye patch died, how sad.” Unlike when I saw the 94 miniseries (before I read the book), and I was screaming at my TV. For all that I can bitch about Game of Thrones (and I can. a lot.), D&D at least knew in the first few seasons to make Ned a character you cared about, make Robb a character you cared about, so that their deaths were as hugely shocking and tragic as in the books.

Am I saying The Stand failed worse than Game of Thrones?! Idk. That’s...saying a lot...I’ll think about it and get back to you. Game of Thrones failed so much more often, and for so many more years...

[hirazuki]

Ooo I'm curious about your hot takes on the Inuyasha reboot after reading your tags 👀

Ahaha, where to start XD Idk if they are hot takes, but here are my thoughts in bullet point form for coherency, I couldn’t figure out how else to organize them. Under a cut, as usual, because it got lengthy... as usual :D

We are 13 episodes in, and I still have no idea wtf is going on or what the series is actually about. And yes, I’m aware that we didn’t know of Naraku’s existence or of the overarching plot until at least episode 16 of that series either and Inuyasha was still very episodic in nature at that early point too, but here’s the thing: Inuyasha did not build upon a pre-existing series. For better or for worse, Yashahime has certain expectations to live up to that the original anime didn’t, by virtue of its being a sequel. Unfair? Maybe, but tough; that’s what happens when you make a sequel. Additionally, despite us not knowing The Main Plot™ of Inuyasha until later, the basic framework for it was laid out clearly by... episode 2? I think? Find and collect the Shikon Jewel shards. Boom, done. Were there distractions or fillers? Sure, but you never got the sense that the characters simply up and forgot about the shards. Even in fillers, the shards often made some kind of appearance. With Yashahime, there’s like three potential storylines going on: 1. The most obvious: most of our main cast from the OG is missing; where are they? Apparently no one in-story cares! :D Inuyasha, who’s that lol. I’m all for a sequel focusing on the new generation with cameos of the old crew; after all, they already had their own series. But this is like... no one cares about them? No one talks about them? And the more characters go about not mentioning them, the stronger their absence is felt. Like, for instance, Kaede knows Moroha is InuKag’s daughter. Moroha grew up on her own, doesn’t know her parents. Kaede doesn’t mention them to Moroha, doesn’t even spare a passing thought about them for the audience’s benefit, Moroha doesn’t ask. Kagome’s family in the present day meet Moroha, recognize her as Kagome’s daughter and... say nothing??? Souta shows Towa Kagome and Inuyasha’s old photos, but doesn’t say a word to Moroha?! Like. It makes no sense. By people not even acknowledging their existence, it makes the fact that they are nowhere to be found even weirder. Also the new gen girls don’t care about their parents or finding out who they were/are... like, okay, it would maybe be in character for one or two of them, but all three don’t give a fuck??? 2. Kirinmaru/the rainbow pearls: Idk how familiar you are with the story, but similar deal with Naraku and the shards here. Kirinmaru is being set up as the villain, still a mysterious figure; our new gen trio is supposed to collect the rainbow pearls that... some of his henchmen have? Or he is after them? Or is that Riku? Unclear. ANYWAY the new gen girls often forget all about the pearls’ existence :D 3. Setsuna’s memories: Setsuna’s dreams have been stolen by the dream butterfly and they need to get them back, because without her dreams she has no memories and is unable to sleep. Cool! Finally a solid, easy-to-follow plot line! Except wait! Towa, who supposedly made it her goal to get Setsuna’s sleep back, forgets all about it! All the time! Like, none of them make an effort to look into this other than being like “oh yeah, know anything about the dream butterfly?” to random folks every now and then. The Inugang back in the day was putting some grad school level research towards their goals, just saying. It just feels like everything’s all wishy-washy and there’s nothing really solid tying the series together. People just remember shit exists when it’s convenient.

.

Character development is MIA. I’m not expecting ground-breaking char dev in 13 episodes (though I do know 12 episode series that were phenomenal in that regard), but like... I do expect the series to focus on building the dynamics between the main three characters. So far, the series is more focused on teasing the audience with glimpses and promises of the OG cast instead. The creators are using nostalgia and bait (esp of a certain pairing) to drive interest in the series, rather than developing the new characters as fully-fledged characters for their own sakes. 

.

Moroha is was the only thing I actually liked about the series. She is a little spitfire and you can somehow instantly see both Inuyasha and Kagome in her, while she also remains very uniquely herself; I have never seen such a successfully developed main pairing child in any series. She featured quite prominently in the first few episodes -- and unlike both her parents, she’s got a great memory and knowledge of lore -- where she balanced funny moments with badass fighting moments and being the token supernatural encyclopedia. It was great! And then... they’ve like... forgotten her. She’s been left behind so many times by the twins. She’s the butt of every joke. She’s become the type of comic relief that’s, well, insulting. More like a buffoon than anything else. And it’s basically all for the sake of giving the floor to Towa :/

.

Setsuna is okay. Not offensive, but unremarkable. She’s got her dad’s personality but like way toned down due to her different growing up circumstances, which is nice, but like... I feel she isn’t given any room to grow or breathe or anything. She’s also basically there as a device to enhance Towa’s development.

.

Towa... oy. I tried to like her, I really did, but she just doesn’t work for me. They set her up having a very Kurosaki Ichigo type deal with beating up bullies and getting into trouble at school and shit -- I’m fine with that. That’s cool. Esp if it’s linked to not feeling like she fits in bc she’s a hanyou? Awesome. Except once she travels back in time to the feudal era it’s all “Oh killing is bad you shouldn’t kill people” and “even though they attacked me I can’t possibly hurt them” and “you need to empathize and talk things out” and “friendship is magic” and shit. It feels like she had a personality transplant, it literally makes no sense. Her design is totally nonsensical too -- out of everyone at her school, she’s the only one dressed in a bright white suit? Do protags not wear the school uniform? Someone should tell Kagome lmao. She’s a pro at hand to hand, and she can absorb demons’ powers and fling them back at them like a personified Tessaiga, and she has a lightsaber sword, and she’s immune to miasma, and -- like... you get it. It’s too much. It’s way too OP for the type of universe that Inuyasha/Yashahime is set in. She’s hanyou for fuck’s sake; remember all the training Inuyasha had to go through? When he couldn’t lift his sword? When his sword attacked him? Sango, Miroku, Kagome, even Sesshomaru all had trouble with their weapons and had to work to become stronger. But Towa? Nope. Towa is straight out of the Yas Queen/Girl Boss manual, so she gets a free pass on everything.

.

UGH they are doing the VLD/bad writing thing where things happen (like, BIG THINGS) and none of the characters actually react to them. Or stuff happens and there are no consequences. No one ever talks about anything. It’s wild.

.

Everyone has amnesia!! :D People either don’t know or don’t remember anything or anyone. People who absolutely should know things all of a sudden magically don’t know them. Like, Kohaku -- traveled with an undead priestess, spent years in the company of demons, traveled with Sesshomaru... and yet had NO CLUE that Setsuna is Sesshomaru’s daughter or that she is hanyou, despite her living and working with his team of demon slayers all this time. Like... how, man. How. And Kaede! Don’t get me started. Since when does she perpetuate random demon-boogeyman type stories as facts? Demon children will kill each other in the nest so that only the strongest one will survive, therefore Setsuna must have killed Towa when they were infants. O_O What are they, sharks? Has she been hanging out with Kisame? Wtf?? And she’s speaking about Sess’s kids as though she doesn’t know him or anything about him, when she has had Rin under her roof all these years. It just makes. no. sense.

.

Things that happened in the original series are happening again now! Because that’s the best we’ve got, recycled plot elements wooo! No, but really, characters that died or things that were resolved in Inuyasha keep coming back. Why? What was the purpose of bringing back Kinka and Ginka? To have a foil for Towa and Setsuna as twins? Someone please tell Sunrise they can just create new characters. Like, it’s one thing to have call backs to the original or cameos, references, whatever. But like... this is entire (dead) characters and interactions.

.

No one knows how long it’s been since the original series ended. Fans initially heard 20 years from promo material, then “over 15″ and “10 years since” in-series regarding two different events, and now in a future episode summary we’ve gotten 18 years since Hosenki II gave Inuyasha the black pearl. But like, which black pearl? Because the one in Inuyasha’s eye doesn’t exist anymore, but Hosenki II had told Inuyasha that it would take 100 years for him to produce one. So, are we retconning that or where the fuck did it come from? Also, this doesn’t help one bit, it just confuses things even more. Back to the point, though, we have no coherent timeline or real frame of reference whatsoever, and I’m betting it’s in large part to keep the mystery of who is Sesshomaru’s wife going, as it keeps Rin’s age very vague. Everything is vague and mysterious in Yashahime, to the point where no one knows what’s going on, in fandom or in-story even. It’s kinda like how too much plot twist/shock reveal ruins a story, too much mystery does the same. It’s insane that both shippers and antis of that ship can lay equal claim that the “18 years since” announcement works in their favor.

tl;dr: Idk man, Yashahime is a clusterfuck of a series. Even if the mother of Sess’s twins is either of the characters I ship him with, I will still not like the series. There’s no saving this writing. Every episode feels like this:

[beecherdrysdale]

Heyy, thank you for responding! I loved all of it!

We are totally hanging out first! Honestly I don’t understand why we keep putting you with Dylan in the same car, you win at everything. maybe I should switch the cars around and give you Ryan instead? But Brigid+Dylan is 😍 and I need that to happen. Wait imagine we are all in our cars and we just pull up all at the same time to a red light and we roll down the window and just laugh at each other and then we all zoom away. I would absolutely not let Ryan sit up front with me, we would probably start smacking each other and chirping each other and I would lose concentration so imma put him in the back with Braden :) . Quinner can come and hold my hand because he’s gorgeous and I wanna hold his hand. Quinton would be fine, he’s seems like he would be slightly chaotic. Kesh has the most chill car. Like Kirby, Dylan C and Devon are all chill and would just be calmly talking while Kesh is driving.

When we are all together tho, it’s more chaotic. Haha yes the braiding is not going well for Dylan and Jamie they’d be like “How do I do this?” I don’t understand this. Why does this exist lol. Yess I would have to pull over and make them switch with Devon and quinton hehe. They would just be calmly braiding your hair and then Jamie and Dylan would be slightly jealous and pouting in the back. Just a warning I love music so imma play that loud and roll down the windows. Only for a bit tho . Also kesh omg late night drives are so cute. Also imagine all of us in a grocery store, that would be so chaotic. Also why do I feel like Braden, Kirby , Dylan C would pass out for literally the entire drive?

Malt teaser are yummy, but what about sour patch kids orrrrr peanut putter filled M&Ms. Have you ever had those? I always get them if I go to the movies:) Nutella is good too! Imma be Canadian and say have you ever had all dressed ruffles? Nanaimo bars are delish, we can get them in BC ! I’ll buy you poutine brigid. The best is probably in Montreal so when we make a pit stop there I can buy you some!. Also let’s not forget chocolate and healthy foods lo. Carrot sticks anyone?. Also music would be great, imma play like a g6 or promiscuous girl cuz I love that song 😍

Chirp kings unite, this will be the main factor of our vacay lol. Brigid I’m sorry but it has to be done lol. We are gonna chirp you sm. Oooo you putting your hands on his abs, and feeling the muscles. Honestly I would too lol- sorry Quinner. But Dylan Holloway has an amazing body. Ryan and I would chirp you again I’m not gonna lie, but also you straddling jamie would be 🥵. Kesh this is for you, Kirby shirtless, in that photo with him by the lake. I unfortunately have not found Quinner by a lake. Aww kesh I loved the “I didn’t think I needed sunscreen” lmao your entire back is the shade of my blush. They do need sunscreen tho, pale boys.

The boat is a must! All of these activities are so fun, Brigid you would go on the same tube w Dylan?. We would definitely make each other fall. Tanning is a dream sometimes - but while your tanning Jamie and Dylan are looking at you 😏 same w Kirby kesh . I’m not gonna lie drinking on a boat is nice. Some white claws or margaritas lol. Aww one of them holding your waist, some photos are gonna be taken there. Lmao Quinner is gonna be like “I’m gonna get a drink” and leaves and then Ryan sneaks up and pushes me. But not so fast I would grab him real quick and we would both fall in l😂. Awww kesh, I love those little sentences you wrote “oh yeah babe, uh huh babe sorry , but look” that’s adorable that he’s spending time with you.

Drunk Quinner is the best, but I would secretly love that he’s being clingy 🥺. Dylan H seems like the jealous type and probably so is Jamie. But you dancing with them would be soooo cute! They just want be constantly around you. Kesh and Kirby would be slaying.

I’m going to let you have a break from Ryan and I causing chaos, he would actually be helping unlike me and I would just be watching Dylan h become jealous that Jamie is w you lol. But I do want a friendship w him too lol . Awww yes him pulling on your braids 🥺 my smart girl is adorable same with “my smart boy”

Haha ya, my mom refuses to let me have a one piece, so all I have are bikinis lol. That’s good brigid, we all have hot bodies hehe. #hotgirlsummer.

I wanna go shopping w you and kesh soooo bad. It would be so fun!! Vacay clothes are cute. We should all a little black dress and take everyone’s breath away lol. Oo ya Dylan and Jamie admiring you in your hit lbd or clubbing clothes 😏. Same w kesh, Kirby would be amazed like how did he get such a gorgeous girl?. I love stealing clothes - from my bro and friend . so I am on board with wearing the guys clothing lol . They would be comfyyyyyy.

Kk I’ll get you a Holloway and Drysdale jersey l!! And a Kirby and cozzy jersey ! Get ready for some gifts :)

Wow this was long.

Ok kesh what’s your favourite cake flavour?

Xo ly

Lexiiiiiiiii

ok yes, first of all i love all of this 💖

so ig it’s been decided that dylan and i are in the same car so we can dominate once again lol. and then jamie and quinton are there too and then jamie and dyl are just trying to talk over each other to have a convo with me, so then i start ignoring them and talk to quinton instead hehe. omg yes if we all pull up at a red light at the same time, i’m that one person who just keeps inching forward when someone rolls up next to them and then as soon as the light turns green i’m gone lmao. so esp if it was you guys i would be being extra competitive. haha yes banish ryan to the back with braden so he doesn’t make you crash the car bc we’re too broke to pay for rental car damages. and then quinner gets to sit in the front with you and hold your hand 🥺 and then kesh is just vibing in her car and then i feel like they would all get distracted and decide to go sight-seeing and forget about the race lol

haha yes when we’re all in the car together it will be so chaotic. and then jamie and dyl are both trying to braid and they can’t and they’re getting frustrated bc my hair is just in knots and they’re just like why is this even a thing? why do people actually want to do this? and then thankfully you pull over to save my hair and then devon or quinton has to fix it. and then jamie and dyl are just pouting about it and you and ryan start chirping them about it lol. and yes please play your music as loud as you want. i love having the windows down and just blasting music super loud esp when you’re on the highway. and then somehow kirby, dylan c, and braden are just asleep in the back? even tho the music is so loud lmao. definitely have to play like a g6 for the boys lol. awwww yes a late night drive would be so fun. idk why i just love driving in the dark

omg all of us in the grocery store together is literally the worst idea ever. like it would be so chaotic, all of us would be running around the store looking for whatever food we wanted. and we would not get like any healthy food, it would all be junk food, which would be horrible for all of us athletes lmao. and then in the end the cart would be overflowing and half the boys would come running up to us with more food they wanted and then the cash register would just be like wtf why do you need sm food. but we would end up eating it all by the end of our trip bc we all eat so much

omg sour patch kids, resees and peanut butter m&ms are like my three favorite candies so we would have to stock up for the drive. i just looked up all dressed ruffles and now i literally want to try them so bad. but we would have to have so many bags bc we all eat so much lol. and then yes i love dark chocolate, so bring any kind of dark chocolate. and then we have to be at least a little bit healthy and bring like carrots and peanut butter or something. and then making pit stops to get nainaimo bars and poutine bc i want to try both those things lol

hehe yes you and ryan would be chirping me the entire time, but it’s all good i still love you guys. somehow kesh and kirby are escaping your guys’ chirping. haha wow lexi ok i see you. quinner would be very jealous rn. but yes i would be feeling dyl’s muscles while we were on the jet ski. and then i have to straddle jamie 😏 it’s just to put aloe vera on. obviously. hehe yes all of their lake pics are so good. it’s ok that you couldn’t find one for quinner, i can’t find one for jamie either. haha yes they all are convinced they don’t need sunscreen and we’re just like sure.... 

yes, boats are so fun! haha maybe i’d share a tube with dyl, or maybe i’d go with jamie and make dyl jealous lol. either way someone would definitely try to flip us out of the tube lol. hehe while we’re tanning the guys will just be looking at us 😏 but then we would also all be sitting on the railing drinking and then you and quinner both finish your drinks so he goes to get you guys new ones and then ryan pushes you in lmao. but then you would pull him in with you to get payback lol. and i would just being chilling on the railing with my white claw dying of laughter

omg drunk quinner and lexi would be so cute together😍 like obviously you guys are always cute, but when he’s being all clingy and following you around that’s adorable. and he would do whatever you want bc he’s drunk lol. hehe dylan and jamie getting jealous whenever i dance with the other one. sorry guys, got to spread the love equally lol. and then kirby and kesh just being couple goals

haha yes so when we’re in the escape room ryan actually decides to help instead of causing chaos for once. so then you just go and chill with dylan and start becoming closer friends with him bc you guys hadn’t talked that much before we got to the escape room. and then you notice him getting jealous of me and jamie so then you chirp him about it lmao. and then i’m just helping jamie in the corner 🥺 and don’t even realize what’s going on lol

lexi i’m so jealous, my mom could never. we love a body positive queen. but we would all look hot in our swimsuits #hotgirlsummer. hehe we could go shopping together to get our suits when we’re getting other clothes too. and then we have to get cute vacay clothes so i’m not wearing athletic clothes like i do literally every day lmao. and then we would all get lbd and other cute clubbing clothes and the guys would just be in awe. like they would all be admiring us and maybe getting a little to handsy lol and then we’re like stop it we haven’t even left yet. but then once we get back we just steal some of their clothes bc they’re comfy and then keep wearing them for the rest of vacay lol.

ooooh ok i actually want to answer the cake question. my mom makes really good chocolate cake with cherry frosting that’s amazing, or i also like chocolate cake with like orange frosting. in case you couldn’t tell i really like the chocolate-cherry combo lol. what about you guys?

ily too 💖

[waynedunlaptheorgandonor]

10.16: a certain doom

spoilers (both general and caryl) under the cut:

the episode iiiiiissss not super worth the six month wait (like in general, not vis a vis caryl) 

it’s marginally more exciting than the penultimate episode

marginally

i think the problem is they utilized time poorly, so the attack on hilltop was Amazing, but then they accidentally forgot to make the end of the war suspenseful or interesting lol

that being said, it had its moments, so let’s break it down, shall we?

first off, caryl have a brief scene in the beginning in the stairwell where daryl is telling carol that michonne left, and he’s like “everybody leaves and then i never see them again :( “ and carol is like “...i haven’t left” and daryl goes “-sure jan-” and leaves carol looking like a hurt puppy bc she thinks he still hasn’t forgiven her/never really will, more on that later

lydia and carol have a scene where lydia is like:

and carol was like “that’s cuz you should hate me and shouldn’t try and look to me for advice, go find your own way in life” and lydia says��“k i’m not asking you to be my mom, i’m asking if we can be bros, but w/e, i’m sure this conversation isn’t foreshadowing to an event that will happen later” 

more on that later

princess & crew broke their bikes so they were running late to the rendezvous, and eugene was about to give up, but zeke gave an empowering speech about Never Giving Up (which is kinda weird coming from a dude with cancer whose wife left him and whose son got murdered, but w/e, you get on with your optimistic self, zeke) and convinced him to carry on, more on that later

(here’s an exclusive sneak peek at the scene tho:)

there’s a two hour long scene of our main peeps walking through the giant horde covered in guts, which would be more interesting if they didn’t do that all the time

beatrice got eaten which would have been more of a bummer if i remembered who beatrice was

it did get lydia involved in the fight tho, so that’s something

side note: negan gave lydia alpha’s mask as if it was supposed to be symbolic or something, instead of incredibly traumatizing to this little girl whose abusive mother just got her head chopped off, like couldn’t she have just put guts on like the other people? ok, my dude, way to be a surrogate father figure ig

while carol is still stuck in the horde daryl asks where carol is, which has been the majority of his lines this season

they try to lead the horde away by blasting talking heads, which is a little on the nose but entertaining nonetheless, but then carol had to go and say “protect the horses,” which is a guarantee that the horses will get eaten, bc it’s twd, so whomp whomp, they lose their apparently only plan for leading the horde away

(how have they not learned better by now?)

(better question: how are there any horses left??)

daryl has an unintentionally funny line where he’s like, “k so this is a super shitty idea, and i am aware of that, but let’s just go fucking kill all of the whisperers”

lydia then volunteers to go throw herself off a cliff to get rid of the horde, and daryl brushes her off, more on that later

anyway they go and just. kill all the whisperers ig? including beta? whose death took like two seconds and involved a brief flashback montage and was incredibly anticlimactic for how fucking badass he was (negan draws him away, daryl stabs him the eyes, which was kinda cool, and then he goes and stands in the middle of the horde and smiles wistfully while he’s eaten alive, like a normal person would do)

up at headquarters gabriel is about to get murdered by whisperers, but then maggie and her masked friend somehow make it past the entire horde and up the stairs in time to save him

sure

cut to lydia leading the entire horde to the cliff, but then carol jumps in and tells her to go and that she’ll do it, and is about to go for a fun tumble, BUT THEN lydia pulls her away and they have a brief argument about it

their whole plotline this episode is very:

anyway

what follows is what’s meant to be a heartwarming scene between the two of them where they put aside all their baggage and hug each other and realize they’re stronger together than at odds, and objectively it’s a good scene, but i couldn’t stop laughing bc they kept showing the walkers falling off the cliff and it looked SO STUPID, it was hilarious

they just. literally kept just stepping off the cliff and falling like bricks askdfljs

and then lydia went and threw alpha’s mask off the cliff and that Did Not make it less funny

idk, i’m probably just a bad person, but it was super fucking funny, anyway

maggie reunited with judith, which was actually very sweet, esp when you remember that she delivered her (in the most traumatic way possible)

the caryl scene was nice. i had to watch it a couple times before i decided how nice, bc like everything else in the episode it felt kind of rushed, but essentially carol and lydia return, and daryl is standing in the exact position he was standing in “no sanctuary”, bc apparently that’s how he leans on trees, and carol approaches him super warily, and they both stare at each other, and carol asks him if he’s good, and he is visibly trying not to cry when he goes “yeah. it’s over. right?” and she says yes, and he asks her if she got what she wanted, and she says no, and he tells her she still has him, and she’s like “yeah?” while crying, bc, per earlier interaction, she was p sure she was never gonna get him back entirely, and he says yeah, and then they hug, and carol makes a little sob noise, and daryl buries his face in her shoulder and is teary, too, and then daryl brings up new mexico, and carol says “maybe someday” and daryl deffo looks disappointed but agrees, and then carol has her “we still have things to do, i’m clearly saying this as a set up for dramatic scenes that are about to follow” line

cue dramatic things following

connie is alive (we been knew), but is banged tf up, and runs into virgil. or more like collapses on the ground and virgil finds her and they stare blankly at each other until connie passes out

and then we jump back to princess & crew, who are sitting there bummed out bc stephanie isn’t there, and eugene is like, “bc of zeke’s wise words, i am Not Giving Up, we set out to find and recruit people (did they? i literally don’t remember) and so that’s what we’ll do!” 

and it’s a Big Moment of Solidarity and Strength

for all of five seconds, bc they are then accosted by stormtroopers, who presumably work for commonwealth. whether or not commonwealth is building a death star is unclear at this time, but i suppose we’ll find out soon

cue end credits!

so overall: the episode occurred. it wasn’t like, devastatingly disappointing, in that the penultimate episode didn’t really set me up for any sort of big anticipation, and also i had spoilers ahead of time. i wish there had been more time for things like beta’s death to be played out properly, but i wonder also if they were limited on what they could do bc of pandemic shit and trying to get it edited as quickly as possible

as it stands, even tho the whisperers are my favorite twd villains, i’m glad they didn’t do what they did with the saviors and have it drag on for ten million years for no reason

the bottle episodes should be interesting, and prob will lead us into commonwealth, which, again, not sure on the status of the death star, but i’m excited to see what happens regardless

on the caryl front i’m about where i was before, which is fully anticipating canon coming, and my guess is the season will really heavily set up their departure, which means we will have many more scenes to come

the end

as usual, stay hype, stan kang, and get daryl to call carol sweetheart 2k20 (i still have three months left, i’m not giving up yet, zeke wouldn’t want me to),

-diz

[tonyglowheart]

This entire thing is a rant, feel free to ignore it, but I saw your post about how destiel fans can’t win in this context, and yeah. So have some rambles.

I’ve been thinking about the fact we (current spn/destiel fans) can’t win all night... I’ve seen so many people talking about how homophobic it is - and while I would very much like to argue, as every point I’ve seen made by a non-spn fan has been wrong so far, if I did everyone inside the fandom would agree and everyone outside would either call me straight or pity me for believing it’s okay.

(Cas wasn’t even sent to hell lmao. He was sent to angel death (the empty), a place he has escaped in the past. Other points, like that meta about spn has been predicting exactly this for months, that Dean ended up sobbing on the floor because he was so upset, like that death means next to nothing on spn, like that there is two episodes left, etc etc. you feel me right? I just don’t want to post wank to other spn blogs atm, we’re getting enough frustration as it is, no need to add to it.

It’s also worth pointing out that the bar is very, very low. Spn is a prominent TV show - not a Netflix show, or indie, or whatever - and it just said “main character in gay love saved the world”. [insert gif of ghostfacers dude saying that gay love can pierce through the veil of death and save the day here]

I just saw someone saying that spn having Naomi try to brainwash Cas out of loving dean makes spn homophobic (it is a conversion therapy parallel). My first response to that is that Naomi was the villain lmao? I guess we can’t write villains doing anything homophobic because having villains do homophobic things makes, uh - checks notes - villains look homophobic, and clearly we can’t have that.

There certainly are legitimate things to criticise spn about, but this isn’t it lol.

Also now some people are unironically trying to cancel Jensen because “his acting was homophobic, and so he’s clearly homophobic”, nevermind that he’s an actor and his character struggles with understanding his emotions (which I think he played excellently, myself. That scene had a very Dean delayed emotional response), nevermind the support he’s given to us queers in the past. Like. Idek man.

We would have been laughed at if we got no destiel, too.

It would have been worse, had the writers pulled a dumbledore. At this point I also trust the writers not to pull a GoT - they have explicitly criticised that ending in spn’s canon.

Spn’s writers did that by making the main villain of this season, Chuck / God, say GoT had a good ending. To reiterate a previous point I had: villains do bad things because they’re bad. And the bad things they do make them bad. For the people out there not still following, if someone does something in a story and it makes them a villain, that is explicitly telling you the story (and probably the writers) thinks that thing is bad. In this case, Chuck likes to write things for him, and we the audience have been shown and told that is bad.

Apparently thinking a gay confession is good in 2020 makes me straight. Seems unlikely, but whatever. Sorry for the length, I guess I went overboard, I’ve been holding it in lol. Anyway, DESTIEL IS CANON 💚💙 hope you have a good night

Helloo supernatural anon I hope you are living your best life right now. Yeah I’m like..... skeptical and leery myself but having lived through some absolute garbage discourse that is general purity wank, as well as the C/QL greater fandom here and on Twitter I find myself... much more wanting to question the “general wisdom” of things esp in terms of negativity, bc a lot of the time I find.... it’s wrong? Like so wrong. Or at least presents such an incomplete picture of the whole situation and also presents it in such a removed context that words that have meaning and are operationalized in a certain way for a reason, no longer have meaningful usage.

Anyway I don’t... know too much about the specifics of Spn but someone I follow is into it and talks a lot about the Gnostic stuff and that all was very fascinating to me, and I also have been grappling a lot with cultural Christianity bc of cmedia and the way ppl just *clenches fist* unthinkingly or uncritically slap some Christian norms on it and call it a day 😩 help I’m Tired. My thing here being... I actually got tired of the uncritical “superhell”s at some pt bc I am, in fact, incredibly exhausted with cultural Christianity, and because it does seem like, even possibly(?) without the Gnostic stuff it’s different from a “hell” or other Protestant-derived afterlife concept, and also yeah that it wasn’t seeded out of nowhere, it was set up to happen, which then... lends credence to the idea that whatever the current era of Spn is doing, the current showrunners are doing it with purpose.

And idk I just... refuse to believe the concept that ALL of the fans of Spn - esp the ones who have been following it still, or got back into it and are following it currently, are acting under delusion or are fooling themselves into liking it or thinking it’s good or whatever. I personally find that kinda infantilizing and patronizing and playing into issues of dismissing things women and/or other marginalized identities like.

Plus I find the concept that (from what I think I’ve been seeing Spn fans say) that the current era of the show is quite actively grappling with itself, its past, its legacy. to be very interesting and compelling; it hearkens back to like an old lore kind of feeling, of a thing that has grown into a nigh undefeatable monster and realizing that, also realizing that the only way to defeat itself is through grappling with its own nature and transforming and transmuting itself into something else. I personally find that more plausible and compelling than “Supernatural has been actively and continuously queerbaiting for 15 homophobic homophobic years., so right now we’re all very sorry for you because this maybe is no longer queerbaiting but it’s still homophobic and it can never be anything different ever.” I’ve been sort of tangentially aware of Spn thru the years and didn’t we agree, around the time of that in-universe play about Spn and with the lil Destiel shoutout, that Spn has come a ways as far as coming to terms with its fandom and working to treat its fans better? Why the sudden regression into “oh no, Supernatural is and forever will be homophobic and a hate crime”? 🤔 

The rest under a cut bc the ask is already long and then my rambling will get longer-

But yeah I mean..... I get that the legacy of Supernatural has been certifiably Rough, but I think people also forget how different of a time 2005 was? Hell, how different of a time 2015 was, even, prior to, say, Obergefell v. Hodges. Now I’m not saying that to blanket-excuse Supernatural, but like, you look at mainstream shows from the era and... there’s a lot of shit lmao. The fact that Supernatural has existed this long seems to me like.... maybe we CAN look at how it’s developed through the years vs just insisting it is what it was 15, 10, hell, 5 years ago. Especially since, to my knowledge, there’s been showrunner changes? Which seems to me like it would... affect things? I mean honestly, I remember back when I got into Spn for a hot second because of Castiel, I remember watching panel, Q&A, etc vids thru the years, and like... I thought we agreed that... it was the fans who were going a bit far pushing the shipping question like literally ALL the time to the actors, who are not in control of the show and.... like at the time.... that could have had personal implications for them? And yes homophobia bad, and people can still be allies despite that, but again like.... I do feel like - from what I’ve seen - that these guys were NOT ready to deal with a lot of that but they’ve (okay Jensen I’m talking about Jensen here) genuinely grown and learned? Also how many years ago was the essay autograph thing that people keep trotting out, like what year was it in and what year of spn was it, and what were the prevailing opinions on LGBT issues and bisexuality then.

I’ve been seeing some murmurings of identity politicsing surrounding ppl who enjoy Supernatural, and I’m sorry that that’s happening to you, it really fucking sucks and it’s also the dumbest way to “make” or “win” an argument because it shouldn’t ever be a final determiner, just factors to consider when considering what life experiences might have informed someone else’s PoV and views as well as maybe how you can better communicate with them. Instead of it being a “weapon” or “tool” to either dismiss someone or de facto validate an argument.

Also yeah I get it that you don’t want to send discourse to spn blogs bc I imagine you guys ARE actively grappling with all the bs rn and it’s a lot. Even just from like, the stuff I see around, I’m like tired of it. I’m genuinely having more fun with ppl who are having a good time with Supernatural than the ppl who are hating on it, even in this sort of backhanded “oh we’re not clowning YOU we’re clowning the writers and showrunners who think you should be satisfied with this,” when... yeah? the people who HAVE been watching the show and therefore... know what’s up.. DO seem to be? And all this based on *fake gasp* context. And that’s where the backhandedness becomes kind of poisonous to me, because it implies that it IS bad, and that you SHOULDN’T be satisfied, but poor little you are but don’t worry, we’re not making fun of YOU for liking garbage, you’re just the hapless victim who is consuming the garbage bc... idk, whatever reasons ppl are coming up with ig.

idk man it’s 2020. Fandom isn’t activism, performative or otherwise, it’s okay to let people enjoy things even if you think they’re “objectively” bad, and like... I don’t know if people can call something bad when they’re not even working with the whole context and instead are dealing with rumor and reputation. 

[desolationlovers]

oh yall thought i was done x posting? lol. kamui character rant under the cut

the thing about kamui is i dont know that hes a very deep character??atleast not how clamp has written him and esp not in the manga.

he spends a lot of the manga being confused and often manipulated. and hes really just a kid.

his first big character arc is debastardization basically. when hes introduced hes a TOTAL asshole (the anime added scenes to make him more of a dick at the start but also has a bit of an explaination? ill get to it). hes shown as very rude to everyone around him, yelling at people to get out of his way or get lost, including his previous friends. hes also shown to have absolutely no care for his surrondings and regularly fights and uses his powers in places where bystanders could be injured and leaving roads bridges or nearby buildings in ruins. when confronted about the latter by hinotos knight (his name is saiki) he straight up says he doesnt care if anyone gets hurt. which i mean ok nothing wrong with a character being an asshole. the extreme in your face way kotori and fuuma describe kamui as a kid being very shy and Very quiet and gentle makes this characterization confusing but hey people can change i guess. the confusing part is that as kamui slowly beings to let his guard down he says that the big reason he was so standoffish especially wrt kotori and fuuma was because he wanted to keep them at a distance so they wouldnt get involved with all the end of the world stuff. which makes sense obviously! kamui was absolutely aware of how dangerous it might get. his entire plan was to get the shinken (the sacred sword) and bail because he didnt want any part of any of it. what i dont get is why he was totally cool with bystanders being injured or killed. during his fight with saiki they were in a neighborhood! on people roofs and shit!! saiki is the one to lead them to an abandoned construction site so no one gets caught in the crossfire. and kamui almost kills saiki!!! which i will let slide a bit because kamui was being followed and had been attacked by spells literally that morning. but later on he apologizes to saiki but never explained his reasoning why he didnt care about destroying peoples houses??? and its never brought up again?????? also theres a scene added to the anime where he kicks the shit out of kotori and fuumas dad??? because he wouldnt give kamui the sword?? bro thats ur best friends dad you jackass!!!!!

in the anime they added flashbacks for the time after he moved away from tokyo which i think make his whole character make much more sense. when he first moves and goes to a new school he accidentally uses his powers and makes everyone afraid of him. fast forward past elementary school to high? school? its unclear. at school hes a lazy slacker that never goes to class and never talks to anyone, big ol loner. he sees that a local gang has been stealing kids money and beating them up. so he decides to put on a tough guy persona and confront the gang telling them to knock it off and scaring them shitless with some fun ass kicking psychokenesis. now i am SO on board with this addition. kamui being ostrisized for being weird and scary when hes already a super shy kid, so he embraces this scary intimidating image and tries using it for good because hes still ultimately kind hearted. he gets too absorbed in this tough guy persona that he loses touch with the original purpose of it and just uses it as a shield because he himself is afraid and confused. and maybe even hiding behind it because hes so afraid of having this huge destiny that he doesnt know if he can live up to and how can someone who decides the fate of the world be just some quiet oversensitive guy.

except all of that is my own speculation and analysis because they really do not go into ANY detail about this. i wouldnt say its to the point where it feels like they just flipped a switch and hes nice now but it def feels like that. and it annoys me because after he kind of apologizes for being a dick it doesnt really get brought up again?? i think he broods over it once or twice. but i would have really liked to see flashes of it coming back in high stress situations or something? he has a lot of points of grief and depression but its always meloncholic rather than angry and it really makes him feel like two different characters i wish it was way more of a mix.

anger would also be good with the whole overarching theme of trying to break out of the path destined for you. its constantly said that theres only one future by the dreamgazers although hinoto wants to change it. its supposed destined that kamui will lose and earth will be destroyed. anger but more importantly PASSION is whats needed break out of what has been preordained and to carve your own path. passion is also whats needed for the main part of the second half of kamuis character arc, figuring out what it is he REALLY wants. what his true wish is.

i also think anger could have been a good inverse to the deliberate mirroring of kamuis character and subarus character. subaru really represents despair and being completely swallowed by grief. his story is that the man he fell in love with (named seishiro) was just manipulating him for fun and is actually an emotionless assassian. subaru is so destroyed by this realization he goes into a depression and because of this is unable to save his sister being killed by seishiro. his goal is literally to be enough of a nusance to seishiro that hell kill him. literally he wants to be acknowledged as important enough to bother killing. its pointed out often how subaru and kamui are so similar, with how fuuma killed kotori, and how theyre both kindhearted ro a fault. its an intentional reflection. subaru even pulls kamui out of a similar depressive state after kotori dies. he and kamui have a whole heart to heart about how some peoples happiness can look pitiful to others and how hes going to fufill his goals even when other people are worried for him. and most importantly about how not everyone can be happy with an outcome. i think it would have been really good for subaru to represent someone overcome with depression about how awful the world is and paralyzed with that sadness and kamui would be the rightous anger and compassion needed to actually change the world. “lets this radicalize you rather than lead you to despair” you know? it would have been a really good parallel considering part of x’s themes are literally about having compassion for humanity. but that reading possibly shoots itself in the foot because the language used wrt the two possible futures are things to stay as they are or for a “revolution” to occur, meaning killing everyone to let the earth heal. so ideas of change are insinuated to be connected with the seven angels and genocide. which uh. not going to get into that.

i do like when he starts going to the clamp school he goes back to being shy and quiet and kind of gets pushed around by people with more force of personality. very fun uncomfortably relatable. its ok man im extremely passive too.

anyway final thoughts kamui needs more passion. clamp give me the rights. also let subaru and kamui hang out and have a brotherly bond. no creepy shit. just subaru being an akward older brother that knows what kamuis going thru and gives bad advice bc he has god awful coping mechanisms.

side note we arent ever told about his likes/dislikes hobby or anything of that nature. the blankest of slates. so my city now. i think hes into obscure indie music and has thousands of hours in various life sim games like animal crossing and stardew valley.

[lovelylogans]

Can I ask for more Rory salt? Right after finishing the show I didn't realize why everyone was so upset about her but now that I've rewatched I kind of understand. I'd like to hear more about your opinions on her! (Mostly bc I have 2 braincells so stuff like that flies over my head lol)

okay, granted, a Fair amount of my salt comes from the perspective of a journalism student, ie who they’re trying to portray, and also like. someone at a similar Point in their life, so. here we go. rory Salt.

like i will say she isn’t like, bonafide the Worst Character of all time, but like...... okay. like. this tracks back to one of my original and largest gripes with gilmore girls, and also a large reason of why i like the earlier seasons better than the later ones.

this post explains it very well; the early seasons (and first episodes) of gilmore girls seem to promise healing, moving forward, bettering familial relationships. the actuality of gilmore girls is the repetition of mistakes and things continuing in cycles, and often getting worse.

so, like. rory. rory’s character is established as this sweet, innocent, naive kid, with a fairly decent work ethic and big dreams to aspire to journalism and a certain level of fame (like christine amanpour, i think was the journalist she mentioned in the first day at chilton ep?) she’s smart, quiet, beginning to establish a relationship with her parents, but still a bit uncomfortable within the realm of chilton/privilege—i think this is best exemplified within the debutante episode, in which she’s uncomfortable with the premise, but goes through with it for the sake of making emily happy. same with the golfing episode with richard—she has zero interest in golf, but she gets to spend a day with her grandfather, and she wants to establish that relationship with him.

but then there’s that thing kicking in, in which gilmore girls is essentially a cyclical tragedy; rory gradually becomes more confident in herself and her abilities (becoming valedictorian, going up against paris for the speech on cspan) and in her relationship with boys; she goes after jess, and, once he leaves, lets him go and eventually is like “you shouldn’t have left me. but i’m saying goodbye to you, on my terms.” i think that s3 is where her character is strongest; she’s still sweet and shy, but she has a bit of an edge. she’s caring toward her friends, she, sure, makes the occasional mistake, but she eventually rallies from them. that’s when i like rory’s character best.

rory starts her decline in season four. this dates back to the whole cyclical thing; she’s the one who goes to her grandparents for money, echoing the original premise of the show, and a cycle starts anew. she goes to another new, prestigious school (yale) where she’s pushed to new limits. 

but rory makes mistakes. she stands up for herself, yes, namely taylor when he pushes for her to be ice cream queen, but she also has a certain level of... entitlement, i suppose. like. let’s take “die, jerk.”

(i’m gonna go briefly into a journalistic tangent here, which is especially heaped by the fact i’ve been writing a lot of reviews lately. also, it applies.)

so, first of all, she takes her mom to her job. her mom. literally think about every other job in the world and, barring a “family day” at the office, please name a situation in which that’s acceptable. right? there’s basically no other situation in which that’s a thing you do when you’re being professional. (this is a repeated gripe, by the way; she often brings lorelai along. this could have been achieved with some phone calls where she hangs up and then does her job. but i digress. this goes into a whole rant on how women in journalism are portrayed in tv shows and other media, but seriously, i digress.)

then there’s the review itself. it’s mean.

“she has the grace of a drunken dock worker.” compared her to a hippo. “the roll around the bra strap,” the line about regretting how evolution had led man to stand on two feet because it led to this night. the ballerina comes to yell at her, which is wrong, but holy god, that never even should have been published. sure, it’s partially the fault of doyle, who as an editor should have stepped in, said, “rewrite the holy hell out of this,” and given her a talking-to on how reviewing should be about the performance and not body-shaming her, because yes you can give things a bad review but not to that level, but rory is the one who wrote it. and she only begins to seem apologetic when people start to react to it other than doyle; the ballerina, her mom, emily and richard. this happens a few times throughout—rory (and lorelai) never seem to realize how mean they can get until people start reacting to what they’re doing and saying. 

she’s willing to write those things, read them, have other people read them, and put them out into the public, and doesn’t even consider the potential ramifications that it could have had on not only the dancer, but the ballet performance (which gets shut down, in part due to rory’s review) the costumer, the crew, everyone involved. yes, bad reviews exist, and yes, they can be brutal, but they’re almost never so personally vindictive and mean. she says she’s writing her opinion. look at how harsh that opinion is.

that’s part of why my opinion of rory takes a decline; being mean. another part of it is a certain level of entitlement.

because the revival is on my brain lately, let’s talk revival stuff. making it as a freelance journalist is hard. it’s hard work. it isn’t for a lot of people. especially in new york city, where the industry is so competitive that finding a job in journalism is a whole Thing. rory has a piece in the new yorker (not bad!) and is writing a piece for gq (also not bad, not bad at all!) about people waiting in line for a certain event.

now. let’s take, like, season four/season five rory, who compiled like three separate PILES of research for a story that wasn’t even hers, worked hard enough at chilton, a highly academically competitive school, to get valedictorian. rory is portrayed as a hard worker. she does what’s necessary for the job and to improve.

revival? whoosh, out the window!

she falls asleep during an interview for the gq job. she continually jets off to london to go see logan. she’s completely unprepared for a job interview, having absolutely zero ideas for any stories, despite the fact that freelance journalists are almost always working multiple stories and coming up with new ideas so they can, y’know, get paid. chilton offers her a job as a teacher if she gets her masters, but she turns it down, which, on one hand, sure, follow your dreams, on the other, if you’re continually complaining that you’ll take a job, ANY job, and get a very good job handed to you on a silver platter with the potential for more growth post that job with the addition of your masters and DON’T TAKE IT?!?!?!

plus, in the job interview, when she doesn’t get it, UNDERSTANDABLY, she calls the interviewer angrily saying that the interviewer practically promised her the job, despite the fact that it was a PRELIMINARY JOB INTERVIEW and there are OTHER CANDIDATES who DEFINITELY AT LEAST HAD STORY IDEAS. no matter how impressive your resume is, you have to at least show that you’re trying, because the whole thing in journalism (esp for those breaking into a business) is that EVERYONE has an extensive resume. that’s part of why it’s so competitive.

and still complains that she’s broke, in addition to the trust fund that we know she received at 25, plus whatever money richard left her in his will. if she was broke, she’d be living entirely above her means—those continual trips to london, living in a sizeable one-bedroom apartment in NEW YORK CITY, going out to eat very often. 

and then just??? i could ramble more (the whole sleeping with a MARRIED DEAN thing, her partnership with logan, i could go back in and ramble about how the body-shaming is continual despite the fact that they frequently eat fattening foods and make fun of sports and are only so thin bc, well, tv magic, but also because they have Miraculous metabolisms, the way that they treat their friends, to some extent, but. yeah. here is some Rory Salt.)

[eloquent-music]

THE POSITIVE & NEGATIVE: MUN & MUSE

Fill out & Repost ♥ This meme definitely favors Canons more, but I hope OC’s still can make it somehow work with their own lore and Lil’ fandom of friends & mutuals. Multimuses pick the muse you are the most invested in atm.

Tagged by: @polyhexianchicken​

Tagging: anyone who wants to do it!! Just go ahead and say I tagged you

> Putting under a read more bc of the length <

MY MUSE IS.   canon / oc / au / canon-divergent / fandomless

* is your character popular in the fandom? YES/NO

* is your character considered hot™ in the fandom?  YES (from what i see from a lot of people in the fandom including myself)/ NO / IDK.

* is your character considered strong in the fandom?  YES / NO / IDK.

* are they underrated?  YES ( I believe there’s more depth to him that some don’t see) / NO.

* were they relevant to the main story?  YES (Sorta?) / NO.

* were they relevant to the main character?  YES (Kinda sorta esp to Megatron) / NO

* are they widely known in their world?  YES / NO.

* how’s their reputation?  GOOD / BAD / NEUTRAL.

HOW STRICTLY DO YOU FOLLOW CANON?

I try my best to follow canon as best as possible. I do put in my own twists here and there.  I have added things into his character have been shared later on through Tweets on Twitter from Jro and Milne. I take their portrayals and incorporate them into my Tarn. For example, Milne said that Tarn was Pharma’s new lover and they had a special relationship and since I’m weak for that pairing I really wanted to incorporate that in. Also Red doesn’t help we both feed into each other ilu <3  ALL IN ALL though, I do like to keep him canon and not too much off character to where he isn’t Tarn anymore. I want him to be Tarn not someone else

SELL YOUR MUSE! (aka try to list everything, which makes your muse interesting in your opinion to make them spicy for your mutual.)

I could sell Tarn for hours and a few friends know this very personally. IM SORRY. ANYWAYS. Some may find what I love about Tarn to not what they like but it’s my opinion on him! So here goes.

I love his damaged nature (I’m sorry Tarn muse). I find his addictions interesting, even though they weren’t technically shown in the issues. It’s part of who he is from who he used to be (however they came about). I will always love his flaws and I enjoy showing those sides of him so be aware that I will show his addictive personality (through Transformation, Nuke abuse, and murderous tendencies).

Which brings me to... His murderous/torturous nature. We see killers a dime a dozen in the series but to be a leader of a torturous group? Like that’s pretty rad and completely different from a lot of other characters. Can you tell I like the baddies? sdifhoisdf This brings up this ONE side of him. He doesn’t like killing / taking part in the demises of SOME of their victims. Why? I think I may know the answer to that. Why does a mech like him want to advert his gaze while the others have their way with them. Talk about something deep we never got to understand that.

He has a soft spot for musical pieces, especially classical piano music. I love Chopin the most, so you’ll see me post that all the time!

He apparently loves pineapples and just I LOVE THAT SO MUCH UHG.

He’s a big tank with Daddy (Megatron) Issues! You gotta love it LOL  He’s got biolights literally everywhere. FLASHY

When he’s only around his team, he can be a little bit more calm even though he can drop it at the drop of a dime.

He’s a touch starved mech odifhsodif

NOW THE OPPOSITE! (list everything why your muse could not be so interesting (even if you may not agree, what does the fandom perhaps think?)

Even though I kinda sold him on this I thought I should mention it here too. I don’t think people find him interesting for how dark he is as a mech. Push aside everything and look at how purely evil he can be. He’s cruel. He’s torturous and very sadistic. He will thrive off of every little bit of pain you give him. He can be manipulative at times.

Tarn is a huge hypocrite. It shows so much throughout the comic issues if you really look at it. I show it a lot (he will deny it sometimes but don’t worry I know he’s one) Probably one of the biggest hypocrites in the whole 2005 IDW Series.

Tarn is easily-influenced and persuaded by certain situations (to not look weak) and mechs.

He is very easily angered from the smallest things.

He holds onto grudges

WHAT INSPIRED YOU TO RP YOUR MUSE?

I know I’ve been asked this before and when I’m asked again I forget the GOOD reasons why I was so inspired to write him so I hope i do okay this time around. Even though I know I will leave out the good shit. Idk why I just dont draft on what truly inspired me. Just watch, itll come a day later and I’ll add it in just wait and see

I started rp’ing him on here as soon as he debuted in the MTMTE series (i think it was back in 2013 or 2012?) I did kind of poof for a few years due to being so busy sdiufhs. Anyways, I fell instantly in love with his character. I loved his dark ways and how he was so drastically different of a villain. His musical tendencies. And how he could offline a mech with ONLY his voice? Like damn sing to me all day you Musical Angel. He is dark and mysterious. NOT TO MENTION, black and purple my favorite colors.

His design was flawless and MTMTE #7 sold me on who he was and from then on I just couldn’t stop loving this murderous tank. I love how Jro and Milne have come out later on to answer more questions about him and just I love him that much more. Looking back years later on it, I see a little bit of myself in him.  

WHAT KEEPS YOUR INSPIRATION

He’s pretty easy to flow out honestly. Just like my other muse I have. If he does struggle some, I just pop on some Chopin and he’s good to go. What really does keep me going more than anything is continuously exploring who he is as a mech and as a Decepticon. I want to know so much about him literally everything. Even though I could write headcanons all day and drabbles too, I love making him interact with others to find that personality.  It’s really just my never-ending curiosity for him.

SOME MORE PERSONAL QUESTIONS FOR THE MUN.

* do you think you give your character justice?  YES / NO. ( i hope I do! )

* do you frequently write headcanons?  YES / NO.

* do you sometimes write drabbles? YES / NO.  ( i love writing drabbles!!!)

* do you think a lot about your muse during the day? YES / NO.

* are you confident in your portrayal?   YES / NO.

* are you confident in your writing?  YES / NO. (Most of the time, I know sometimes I mess up and its honestly just me not seeing it for whatever reason. Im so sorry if my replies come through scattered sidfhfs)

* are you a sensitive person?  YES / NO. (Not really at all. I don’t get offended or anything but certain things can bug me)

DO YOU ACCEPT CRITICISM WELL ABOUT YOUR PORTRAYAL?

Only if its constructive criticism. I love it when friends bounce ideas or talk to me about him. I will take into consideration of changing him slightly from only my close friends and that’s because we’re close. I will not change my character for anyone because they don’t like how I portray him because he is my portrayal of him, not yours.

DO YOU LIKE QUESTIONS, WHICH HELP YOU EXPLORE YOUR CHARACTER?  

I love all the questions you all send him, either on anon or not. Even the most awful ones! Tarn may not like them but most I find absolutely hilarious. I think the more personal questions really help for exploring who he is or if I post drabble prompts, go ahead and send me one! Even if I dont send in one and you wanna know more about him I will try my best to respond to it.

IF SOMEONE DISAGREES TO A HEADCANON OF YOURS, DO YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY?  

This is a hit or miss question. I don’t really want to exactly know why unless if I ask you personally on it (which is usually just between close friends because sometimes I just aint thinkin straight). I don’t mind bouncing off ideas but ishdfoisdfh i really truly don’t know the answer to this one

IF SOMEONE REALLY HATES YOUR CHARACTER, HOW DO YOU TAKE IT?

I honestly don’t care. People won’t like every character out there and that’s just part of being human. I understand why people would hate his character in the series in all honesty. But I love him for all his flaws.

I don’t blame people for hating Tarn but I do not want hate sent to me. That is unacceptable and not okay. You don’t have to like my portrayal but please don’t shove it at me that’s just uncalled for. If your character hates him that’s totally different but don’t come attacking me for any reason.

DO YOU THINK YOU ARE EASY GOING AS A MUN?  

I think I am. I’m usually fairly quiet. But once you get to know me, I am kinda strong on the goofy/funny side and a bit blunt/straight-forward sdoifhodsf. I tend to be really easy going and laid back. My personality has drastically changed since I’ve gotten into my mid-20s. I don’t like drama and dont wanna be apart of it.

[voldesimsx]

get to know me tag

I was tagged by @peachiiesims! Thanks for the tag! Haven’t done one of these in a while, lmao. Forewarning: I’m pretty boring and indesisive. 

1. Dogs or Cats? I love cats, but I’m allergic so I’ve only ever had dogs. So, dogs! But I like the idea of both equally. 

2. YouTube celebrities or normal celebrities? Youtube, I guess? I’m not a big celebrity person but I guess I care more about how Dan and Phil are doing than like, Katy Perry or something. But like, if by youtube celebrities you mean like, idk James Charles or something then they’re honestly rated the same as regular celebrities in that I couldn’t care less about them or their personal lives. 

3. If you could live anywhere where would that be? A beach house somewhere with good weather and warm waters. So, Hawaii I guess? But I’ve never been so I can’t say for sure if I’d want to live there, esp with how expensive and tourist filled it is. 

4. Disney or DreamWorks? Disney, bc I grew up on those movies and watching the disney channel and going to disneyland. 

5. Favorite childhood TV show? As a little little baby kid, Blues Clues. Then Powerpuff Girls, Kim Possible, and ATLA as I got progressively older. 

6. The movie you’re looking forward to most in 2020? I honestly didn’t remember what movies were coming out in 2020, and had to look it up lmao. Uh, the Harley Quinn movie looks fun and my fingers are crossed that they won’t ruin Artemis Fowl, but my hopes aren’t high.  

7. Favorite book you read in 2019? Didn’t get to read many books, mostly fanfic, so I guess my re-read of Good Omens. 

8. Marvel or DC? I prefer marvel movies to DC, but prefer DC characters and comics. 

9. If you choose Marvel favorite member of the X-Men? If you choose DC favorite Justice League member? Nightcrawler and Batman, respectively. 

10. Night or Day? Both? I love certain aspects of each too much, and when I see more of one than the other I either get sad or less productive, lol. So I gotta have both in balance. In terms of Aesthetic(tm) though, night. Both for the starry sky and the hazy soft glow of the moon just barely making dark trees and unlit houses visible, and for the bright neon lights that illuminate the streets and set cities aglow with life and color. 

11. Favorite Pokémon? Absol! Though I have a soft spot for most Dark and Ghost types like the former wanna-be emo I was. Also Snivy, who was my first ever starter bc I got into the games later than the anime, lol. 

12. Top 5 bands: I’m not a huge band person, I mostly just pick out like, what songs I like. Fall Out Boy is probably my favorite, though? But I can’t really like, pick anything after that. A lot of pop punk and clasic rock bands.  

13. Top 10 books: Uh, Harry Potter Series, The Bartimaeus Sequence, The Complete works of Sherlock Holmes, Watership Down, Discworld series, Gemma Doyle Trilogy. And a lot more. But I haven’t read many books in a while, it’s been mostly fanfic so a lot of the books I love are from highschool or my childhood, lol. 

14. Top 4 movies: Uhhhhh, Inception, Gaurdians of the Galaxy, Howls Moving Castle, Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban. 

15. America or Europe? America, but I’ve never been to Europe so I guess I can’t say for sure. I like the weather where I live, real lemonade, and weather in Fahrenheit rather than Celsius, lmao.  

16. Tumblr or Twitter? Tumblr. I understand it better and I like how versatile it is. 

17. Pro-choice or Pro-life?  Pro-choice, but I don’t really want to get into politics on my fun sims account bc I like to keep things separate and real life is where I put my political ideas and discussion, not here.  . 

18. Favorite YouTuber: Uhhh, idk, I love watching a lot of different people, but  I guess Prozd? His skits are funny, he makes good board game reviews, and I love his lets’s play channel he runs with his friend Mankey and especially their Ace Attorney series. They just started AAI1 a bit ago and I’m so hyped for it!  

19. Favorite author? I know she’s been kinda annoying lately and idk how I feel about her right now, but JK Rowling literally shaped who I am as a person. Harry Potter has had such a strong impact on my life. And will always be my favorite book series. 

20. Tea or coffee? I don’t really like either, but I guess I’ve had more (incredibly milky) coffee in my life. Unless iced tea counts. 

21. OTP? I read fic more for plot than romance, but I guess the most major ships I care about that I’ve read in my life, in no particular order, are: Tododeku, Drarry, Zutara, Victor/Yuuri. Like, I ship a lot of things (a whole lot, lmao) but I’ve never really had a full on ‘it’s only this couple for me, no other fandom ship compares’ OTP. 

22. Do you play an instrument/sing? I like singing for fun! But never like, learned how to do it properly outside of a bit of musical theater as a kid. I tried learning the clarinet but wasn’t having fun. I would love to try and learn the piano again, someday, though! 

I tag, uhh, @simmancy @anastacialove @simbience @pixlmonster if you want to do this, do it! If not, then don’t though, lmao. Or if you’ve already done it. And any of my other followers who want to, consider yourself tagged and do this!