#esma cannon

[hotvintagepoll]

Kenneth Williams (Carry On Abroad, Carry On Regardless)—Kenneth Williams could do so much more than scrungly but he was so good at it! His 'snide' character and his many Carry On appearances were just some of the things which made him a British National Treasure. There was a time when Michael Sheen was more famous for playing him in a biodrama than any other role...

Esma Cannon (A Canterbury Tale, The Spy in Black, Carry On Cabby, Carry On Cruising)—Whether she’s playing a tiny birdlike spinster with an inappropriate crush or the loyal and determined best friend of the leading lady, she screws up her face and chirrups brightly. The scrungliest little woman in British cinema.

This is round 1 of the contest. All other polls in this bracket can be found here. If you're confused on what a scrungle is, or any of the rules of the contest, click here.

[additional submitted propaganda + scrungly videos under the cut]

Kenneth Williams:

"i don't know why but this entire clip brings me such joy. i feel like the joke is supposed to be transphobic but they both slay so hard and look so comfortable it just circles right round again? landmark television for young me (my parents should NOT have left this on lmao)"

Esma Cannon:

[stesichoreanpalinode]

@hotvintagepoll

Kenneth Williams and Esma Cannon decided to duke it out over a game of table tennis to decide which is the scrungliest

With bonus appearance in a three-way scrungle by Sid James.

[letterboxd-loggd]

Sailor Beware (Panic in the Parlor) (1956) Gordon Parry

October 20th 2024

[mostlybritishactors]

Esma Cannon

[stellisketches]

Holy crap. Just saw your Ro’Maeve family tree, that’s awesome! How long did it take you? Do you have mental images and/or head cannons for all the family members, or just a few? Any personal favorites? Sorry if I’m being weird, it’s just so cool!!

Absolutely not I LIVE for people asking me questions about my nonsense headcanons. The tree took me a little over two weeks, going through several phases as I kept adding more and more generations while also trying to set up a concrete timeline of events for MCD history. I averaged out the average woman gave birth at around 28 years old (with room to play with) and decided that Esmund may have defeated the shadow lord 900~ years prior to the events of MCD s1, but he kicked off the Ro'Meave lineage roughly 200 years prior to THAT. Not everyone has a fully concrete mental image+full in-depth backstory seeing as there's roughly 212 people (including the proxy-Ro'meaves) and that's a bit much even for me, but I'd say I have a fair amount of lore/ mental images for about half of them? It's still a work in progress.

Anyways, Some of my personal favorites include but are not limited to: Astarse I, Sion I, Garath I, Maela I, Zane I, Garmund III, Caelestis I, Maelyn IV and Esma the Uncrowned.

I've been thinking about drawing some of them, if you (or anyone reading) has any requests to see anyone in particular let me know!

[docrotten]

THE FLESH AND THE FIENDS (1960) – Episode 189 – Decades of Horror: The Classic Era

“Just think of it, Willie. Burke and Hare, members of the great medical profession.” Yes. Just think of it. Yikes! Join this episode’s Grue-Crew – Daphne Monary-Ernsdorff, Chad Hunt, Doc Rotten, and Jeff Mohr – as they check out Scottish life in the 1820s as depicted in The Flesh and the Fiends (1960).

Decades of Horror: The Classic Era Episode 189 – The Flesh and the Fiends (1960)

Join the Crew on the Gruesome Magazine YouTube channel! Subscribe today! And click the alert to get notified of new content! https://youtube.com/gruesomemagazine

ANNOUNCEMENT Decades of Horror The Classic Era is partnering with THE CLASSIC SCI-FI MOVIE CHANNEL, THE CLASSIC HORROR MOVIE CHANNEL, and WICKED HORROR TV CHANNEL Which all now include video episodes of The Classic Era! Available on Roku, AppleTV, Amazon FireTV, AndroidTV, Online Website. Across All OTT platforms, as well as mobile, tablet, and desktop. https://classicscifichannel.com/; https://classichorrorchannel.com/; https://wickedhorrortv.com/

In 1828 Scotland, Edinburgh surgeon Dr. Knox does medical research on cadavers he buys from murderers Burke and Hare, without questioning the unethical procurement methods.

Directed by: John Gilling

Writing Credits: John Gilling and Leon Griffiths

Makeup Department: Jimmy Evans (makeup artist), Betty Sherriff (hairdresser)

Costume and Wardrobe Department: Laura Nightingale (wardrobe)

Selected Cast:

Peter Cushing as Dr. Robert Knox

June Laverick as Martha Knox

Donald Pleasence as William Hare

George Rose as William Burke

Renee Houston as Helen Burke

Dermot Walsh as Dr. Geoffrey Mitchell

Billie Whitelaw as Mary Patterson

John Cairney as Chris Jackson

Melvyn Hayes as Daft Jamie

June Powell as Maggie O’Hara

Andrew Faulds as Inspector McCulloch

Philip Leaver as Dr. Elliott

George Woodbridge as Dr. Ferguson

Garard Green as Dr. Andrews

Esma Cannon as Aggie

Geoffrey Tyrrell as Old Davey

George Bishop as Blind Man

Beckett Bould as Old Angus (as Becket Bould)

George Street as Publican

Michael Balfour as Drunken Sailor

Steven Scott as Grave Robber (as Stephen Scott)

Raf De La Torre as Grave Robber

The Flesh and the Fiends feels like a Hammer Film – although, in terms of producers, it is much closer to a Tempean film – and retells the Burke and Hare case of the late 1820s in Scotland. Burke and Hare (George Rose and Donald Pleasence) are “the fiends.” Mary (Billie Whitelaw) and their other victims are “the flesh.” Dr. Knox (Peter Cushing) is the one who purchases “the flesh” from “the fiends.” These four actors steal the show! And if you’ve ever wished you lived in Edinburgh, Scotland, during the 1820s, you might reconsider that wish after seeing this film. Or you might not. Let us know!

At the time of this writing, The Flesh and the Fiends (1960) is available to stream from the Classic Horror Movie Channel, Wicked Horror TV, Kanopy, and Flix Fling as well as PPV from Amazon and Flix Fling. It is available on physical media as a Blu-ray formatted disc from Kino Lorber.

Gruesome Magazine’s Decades of Horror: The Classic Era records a new episode every two weeks. Next in their very flexible schedule – this one chosen by Chad – is Indestructible Man (1956) starring Lon Chaney Jr as “Butcher” Benton! You won’t want to miss this one!

Please let them know how they’re doing! They want to hear from you – the coolest, grooviest fans: leave them a message or leave a comment on the Gruesome Magazine YouTube channel, the site, or email the Decades of Horror: The Classic Era podcast hosts at feedback@gruesomemagazine.com

To each of you from each of them, “Thank you so much for watching and listening!”

Check out this episode!

[ozu-teapot]

In the Doghouse | Darcy Conyers | 1961

Esma Cannon, Leslie Phillips

[abs0luteb4stard]

W A T C H I N G

[kwebtv]

The Rag Trade  - First Run - BBC - October 6, 1961 - March 30, 1963 / Second Run - ITV - September 11, 1977 - October 20, 1978

Sitcom ( 36 episodes - first run / 22 episodes - second run)

Runnning Time:  30 minutes

Stars:

First Run

Peter Jones as Harold Fenner

Miriam Karlin as Paddy Fleming

Reg Varney as Reg Turner

Esma Cannon as Lily Swann (series 1–2)

Sheila Hancock as Carole Taylor (series 1–2)

Barbara Windsor as Gloria (series 1) and Judy (series 3)

Ann Beach as Brenda (series 1)

Rita Smythe as Rita (series 1)

Wanda Ventham as Shirley (series 2–3)

Patricia Denys as Betty (series 3)

Stella Tanner as Olive (series 3)

Carmel Cryan as Gloria (series 3)

Amanda Reiss as Janet (series 3)

Irene Handl as Mrs Turner (series 3)

Second Run

Peter Jones as Harold Fenner

Miriam Karlin as Paddy Fleming

Anna Karen as Olive Rudge

Christopher Beeny as Tony

Gillian Taylforth as Lyn

Diane Langton as Kathy

Deddie Davies as Mabel

Lucita Lijertwood as Jojo

Rowena Cooper as Mrs Fenner (series 1)

Joy Stewart as Mrs Fenner (series 2)

[mariocki]

Noose For A Lady (1953)

"Listen, Upcott. Get this into your frightened little skull - Margaret Hallam didn't do it. I'm going to find out who did if I have to blast this village apart!"

[hotvintagepoll]

Theda Bara— She is so beautiful but in a way which is so... Bug-like? I truly cannot think of any word which better encapsulates her big round eyes, expressive eyebrows, gestures, fashion choices, and overall vibe than 'scrungly' does. There is something wild - nay, feral- about her. We all know the original goth girl didn't get what she deserved in the ladies tournament, so please let her shine here. She is indisputably the scrungliest gal of the bunch.

Esma Cannon (A Canterbury Tale, The Spy in Black, Carry On Cabby, Carry On Cruising)—Whether she’s playing a tiny birdlike spinster with an inappropriate crush or the loyal and determined best friend of the leading lady, she screws up her face and chirrups brightly. The scrungliest little woman in British cinema.

This is round 2 of the contest. All other polls in this bracket can be found here. If you’re confused on what a scrungle is, or any of the rules of the contest, click here.

[additional submitted propaganda + scrungly videos under the cut]

Esma Cannon:

Theda Bara:

[mexcine]

I’m All Right Jack (1959) review: I’m All Right Jack was reportedly the most popular British film of the year of its release, and has maintained its critical reputation in the decades since.  While I found it interesting and entertaining, I was slightly underwhelmed by the film, largely due to several structural aspects of the film’s narrative.

    The basic plot: Stanley Windrush, an Oxford graduate and a former serviceman, is the “poor relation” of a wealthy family and decides to “enter business” as a management trainee.  However, he’s naïve, clumsy and outspoken, and is repeatedly rejected by various companies.  Finally, his uncle Tracepursel suggests Stanley seek employment at Missiles Ltd. (a company Tracepursel owns), but as an ordinary worker.  Stanley innocently clashes with the plant’s unions, but head steward Fred Kite (who has pretensions to be an intellectual analyst of the capitalist system) offers to rent Stanley a room in his own house and educate him in the ways of the working class.  Spotting Kite’s sexy daughter Cynthia (who also works at the plant), Stanley accepts the offer of lodging.  [This has little or no bearing on the plot, as Stanley and Kite have almost no interaction after this; and as noted below, even Stanley’s romance with Cynthia is jettisoned at the conclusion.]

    Meanwhile, unbeknowst to Stanley, Tracepursel is conspiring with Sidney De Vere Cox to have Missiles Ltd. default on a contract to supply arms to a Middle Eastern nation so that Cox’s company can take over the contract (at a higher price, which they’ll split amongst themselves and buyer’s agent Mr. Mohamed). When Stanley unknowingly cooperates with a “time-and-motion” study man and reveals that Missile Ltd’s employees could work much harder, Kite calls a strike.  This soon spreads across the nation, including to Cox’s company, so the scheme has worked too well.  Tracepursel urges plant manager Major Hitchcock to negotiate with Kite to end the strike; since Stanley’s removal is a condition for a resolution, Cox tries to bribe Stanley with a bag of cash to “resign for reasons of health.”  During a television broadcast about the strike, Stanley denounces both sides of the dispute as corrupt, and tosses the money into the air, which provokes a brawl among the studio audience.  Stanley is arrested for his actions, chastised, and put on probation for a year.  As the film concludes, he’s living at a nudist colony with his aged father.

    One of the main flaws of I’m All Right Jack is that the film changes focus throughout—it’s not necessarily a case of an “ensemble cast,” the film almost literally switches back and forth between protagonists.  Stanley Windrush seems to be the protagonist, but at a certain point—when Missiles Ltd. goes on strike—he almost literally vanishes from the screen for an extended period of time, and is replaced in the spotlight by union steward Fred Kite.  There are also extended sequences focusing on Sidney De Vere Cox and Mr. Mohamed, with lesser footage (more traditional use of supporting characters) allotted to Tracepursel and Major Hitchcock, while Aunt Dolly appears only briefly and without much effect on the plot.  A more traditional film would have centered on Windrush throughout, but his disappearance for much of the middle section of the picture makes the conclusion feel forced.  I’m All Right Jack has a curious, “unhappy ending”—Stanley is reprimanded in court, and is last seen being pursued by amorous female tennis players at a nudist resort, his relationship with Cynthia Kite apparently terminated (she’s last seen, weeping, while Stanley is being dressed down by the judge, suggesting she still cares for Stanley).

    Additionally, I’m All Right Jack has a needlessly complex and somewhat illogical plot.  As noted above, Tracepursel and Cox’s scheme to have Missiles Ltd. default on an arms contract so Cox can take over the contract (at a higher price that will allow for kickbacks to those involved).  Apparently as part of this plot, Tracepursel has his ineffectual nephew Stanley Windrush hired by Missiles Ltd.  As it develops, Stanley’s naïveté results in a massive strike that shuts down Missiles Ltd. (but then spreads to Cox’s company and in fact nation-wide), but this was not something Tracepursel could have anticipated.  He gives Stanley no instructions or advice, and it’s only purest luck that Stanley’s actions cause a strike--he’s by no means an agent provocateur (despite Kite’s accusation of him being exactly that) even unwittingly. He just clueless. Any number of alternate outcomes could have occurred as a result of his hiring.

    There is some confusion about the film’s setting: it seems to be contemporary to 1959 when it was produced (the most notable auto in the film is Stanley’s tiny, 3-wheel 1958 Heinkel Kabine), but this would mean Stanley—who served in WWII in Private’s Progress (1956), which features the characters of Stanley, Major Hitchcock, Tracepursel, and Cox—is still unemployed nearly 15 years after the war is over, and is probably pushing 40 (in real life, Ian Carmichael was born in 1920 and did serve in WWII), which seems out of character.  The narrator [E.V.H. Emmett, well-known in the UK as a newsreel narrator] specifically says “Industry! With tremendous opportunities for the young man…”

    This is not to suggest I’m All Right Jack is a bad film—it’s amusing and well-acted, and contains a significant number of interesting ideas.  Barbs are tossed at unions, management, the government, political parties, advertising (detergent Detto and snack bar Num-Yums, both with obnoxious jingles), and so on.  Unionism is attacked mercilessly: Missiles Ltd. has 2 unions, so if one is granted higher wages, the other can request an increase in pay, and then the first one has its turn again, etc.  Stanley stumbles across a group of men who play cards all day in a hidden spot (they can’t be fired but have no work to do), the unions resist cooperating with time-and-motion studies and reportedly assaulted a previous investigator, and so on.  While management and ownership is also depicted as corrupt and/or inept, this could be explained away by labeling Tracepursel and Cox as anomalies.  Working-class opinion presumably supports the principles of the strike (although the most prominent union members shown are Kite’s toadies, and his own wife is certainly not on his side, as she leaves him!), large crowds—whose placards identify them as the “Housewives League” and “Empire Loyalists”--are shown applauding Stanley’s actions (“Three cheers for Mr. Churchill and Stanley Windrush!”) as they sing “Land of Hope and Glory.”  The conservative “Daily Express” newspaper headline reads “Salute Stanley Windrush,” while the Labour-oriented tabloid “Daily Mirror” has a large photo of Stanley and Cynthia (emphasizing her bust) and the clever “Stanley Strikes Lucky” headline (referring to his romance with Cynthia).  Tracepursel says Stanley has the press on his side--some papers for ideological reasons, but others apparently only interested in gossip.

    The political content of I’m All Right Jack is mild and even-handed (basically, a plague on both houses).  Curiously, Ian Carmichael also appeared in Left Right and Centre in 1959, a film that’s focused more specifically on politics and while it’s still balanced in its depiction of the political parties in the UK—the protagonists are more or less evenly split between Conservative and Labour—it points out the differences between them more clearly than I’m All Right Jack.

    Trivia note: I was mildly shocked to see some nudity in I’m All Right Jack, in the opening and closing nudist camp scenes.  It’s bare rear-only nudity (and only of women), shown from a distance and in a non-sexual manner, but it was surprising nonetheless.  

    I’m All Right Jack is well-made and has a strong cast.  The comedy is mostly subtle and character-based: the chief exception to this is Stanley’s slapstick tour of the Num-Yum factory, in which he’s repeatedly urged to sample the product and finally ends up vomiting into a mixing machine.  The film briefly pokes fun at advertising (the “Detto” detergent and “Num-Yum” billboards and musical jingles) but drops this rather abruptly.  Not all of the verbal and character humour works—one of Kite’s union cronies stutters, and the “joke” is that you think he’s going to say a profane word based on the first letter but he doesn’t (“F-f-f-f…friend”).

    Ian Carmichael was somewhat typecast as a well-meaning but naïve and bumbling member of the upper class, and he is reasonably effective here.  Peter Sellers’ Fred Kite is a much more complex character, mispronouncing large words, lauding the Soviet Union, reminiscing fondly about the “very good toast and preserves they give you at tea time” at Oxford (where he attended a summer session in 1946).  When his wife (well-played by Irene Handl) and daughter Cynthia (Liz Fraser, also good) leave him, Fred’s home life goes to blazes (sink full of unwashed dishes, etc.) and he gains additional audience sympathy (although he isn’t a really unsympathetic character earlier, just a self-important and overly enthusiastic labour union representative).  Dennis Price, Terry-Thomas, Richard Attenborough, and Margaret Rutherford have clearly-defined supporting roles and play them straight.  Further down in the cast in very minor roles are Esma Cannon, Wally Patch, and John Van Eyssen (who appeared as Jonathan Harker in Horror of Dracula, 1958, if you’re wondering why he looks familiar).  

    I’m All Right Jack is a fine, entertaining film but perhaps slightly over-rated in terms of its overall importance.  Still, recommended.

[letterboxd-loggd]

I'm All Right Jack (1959) John Boulting

December 5th 2024

[magnificent-sultana]

Some Canon v. Non Cannon ships- Kalbimin Sultani, Muhtesem Yuzyil & Merlin

1. Anna Hatun & Mahmud II V. Namik Pasha & Mahmud II V. Namik Pasha & Esma Sultan

2. Hatice Sultan & Ibrahim Pasha V. Suleyman I & Ibrahim Pasha V. Hurrem Sultan & Suleyman I

3. Gwen & King Arthur V. Merlin & King Arthur V. Merlin & Freya

[thelioninmybed]

Can I ask what is your writing process like?

Yeah, sure dude. It’s a goddamn mess.

Usually I start by thinking of a cool image or snippet of dialogue. I write that down and then realise I need an actual story to justify it. (Or it starts as an extrapolation of a bad joke. Or someone dares me or prompts me. Or I see someone write something wrong and need to do it properly - a worrying amount of my output is some degree of spitefic). I do that a few times and then I’m left with a jumbled mess of unconnected paragraphs from all over the place that I need to join together. 

Then I get bored and procrastinate, have a great idea for how to finish it while showering/commuting/lying in bed, forget the great idea before I can get to a computer, cobble together a shaky approximation of the great idea, send it to a friend for validation and use that to give me the drive to push through and finish the damn thing.

Although it depends on the scene, if there’s dialogue then I write that first and then fill in the actions and descriptions around it. And then spend like five hours reading over it to make sure it scans nicely and sounds, if not like a thing someone would actually say, like something you could say without sounding horribly awkward.

I’m garbage at planning things out ahead of time, which is why I don’t do much longfic. Example: in the posted version of Small Sacrifices,  [SPOILERS!] after the defeat of its cultists, the foreshadowed God Monster/Manifestation Of A Town’s Sins rises up to claim its due. Our Protagonist, after a story (and a lifetime) spent grappling with the meaning of sacrifice, realises that it can only be something you choose for yourself and willingly offers himself up to save the town. And then realises that it’s a fair bit more complicated than dying at your problems until they go away. Anyway, in the first draft, none of that vital thematic stuff happened. Our Heroes fought and killed some cultists and everyone was like ‘wow you sure did murder a bunch of people. Assholes. Why didn’t you tell the police?’ and then they slunk off, shame-faced, into the woods. The fuck was I thinking there?

[randomkposts]

The crack twilight shipping conversation

E :-"I took care of those girls who spread rumors about you"

"What girls?"

"Not important "

I have back flashes of this kid and I'm like yo she scares me.

K : Jane is terrifying. Just not in the same way to Bella as she is to others.

"We are going to Yellowknife, so you can see the northern lights at this time of year! They are glorious! This guy has agreed to fly us."

"Jane, I don't- wait, why is he shaking"

"Juicebox is also excited to see the northern lights"

Shaking man: "Absolutely ecstatic"

"I made sure that all the warm clothing fits your size! It's even real fur! "

Crack twilight ships

K - E, Crack AU, where Jane is the one who imprints on Bella, going after James for crime, and Bella has to deal with the insane situation of "I think I was kidnapped by a child, and the child is trying to woo me."

Except Jane's Idea of wooing is terrifying and surreal, and has some pretty bizarre stuff to try to impress her.

"Jane-"

"But let's double check!"

E -OMG

K :-”Jane, why do you always give people such strange nicknames? Quickmunch, O delicious, lunchmeat, mosquito bait, and now juicebox?

Except for Jaccob, who you just called stinky

Why do you call him that?

-Because he just is

He doesn't smell any worse than any other athletic teenage boy. You haven't even seen him since he got sick.

Hey, does she have a nickname for Bella, you think?

E -Jacobs sweating furiously at all these vampires

K -It's because he's a wolfy shapeshifter, but for story purposes, Jane has no Idea, just that she hates Bella's childhood friend.

Alec, who is back in Voltera, but Jane talks on the phone too, assumes she's being possessive of who Bella spends time with, and views him as a rival.

He tells her that.

E - The fact he face times this stuff. Supportive bro vampire.

K - Don't kill the rival Jane. Bella will be crying, and you don't want to spend time with her mourning. Maybe take her on a trip, and get some personal time

E -She does, but also scares ppl to give them cool shite.

K -I had a crack thought once, where I thought what's the randomest most out there mates I can give vampires. , where Jane's mate was a random old man that she met in the food chamber, was like ,"wait don't kill him!" It became quite a debate.

Alec's, on the other hand, was a toddler he met on a job, where a lady had been vampired, and had bad control.  The kid wasn't even related to the target, just on a walk in a bad place and time. He can't get the face out of his head.

Neither of them are decided on who has it worse.

But Bella being shippable with almost any vampire in the series has way more potential for comedy.

Still, question, does Bella ever come to return the affection?

Edward is hundreds of years older than her, but looks roughly around her age. Staying beautiful, and around his age was something Bella found important to her in their relationship.

Jane, for all she is also centuries older than Bella, can not easily be mistaken for a young adult. Admittedly it could be claimed, possibly by dwarfism, but given that  physical appearance is important to Bella, and plays a part in her affections to other people, how would that play into any potential relationship with Jane?

K - God, weird how what starts as crack, leads me to wonder about real questions.

If that random old man is in fact Jane's soulmate in the crack mate's verse, should she take her mate in the form she finds him, or eat him and hope he reincarnates. Is there only one possible match, or are there potential matches walking around that finalize when conditions are met? Is the old man, at his age, fit to be a mate to a centuries old vampire of a young body? What if he's amnesic. How would that translate to vampirism?

Should Alec keep tabs on the toddler who could be his mate, or let them go and hope for another chance encounter?

E -Probably yes, even though you are aware she is older than you, she is mature maybe *I debate on that due to they stay in that state forever* but you can't get over the fact that is a child's body

K -If Alec chose to keep tabs, when would be the time to reintroduce himself? And how?

E - I say let them go, cause this is a bit too close with the Renesmee and Jacob kind of thing

Hmmm I say reincarnation is kinder?

K-Is reincarnation even real, or a hope?

How would you find them?

E -They have vampires, werewolves and shit, but does reincarnation really draw the line?

First off how did they even know they were mates?

K -It is, though I can't see Alec child napping the toddler, and raising them himself

Some voice in their head screams "Mine!"

Edwards was just weird, because he thought his voice meant " my meal"

E -Bwhahaha

Oh God Eddy

K -The Cullens are unusual in that they turn people in life threatening situations.

Still,Carslie and Esmae certinally had some affection between them, before she commited suicide.

Why did Rosaline get Emmet turned again?

Beyond the bear wound, I mean?

She doesn't seem the type to go out of her way to do something like that for just anyone.

Maybe it was blurred by the blood, and the need for control, but something about him called out to her, I think.

"Rosalie confessed to Bella that she saved Emmett from dying because of his innocent look, dimples, and curly hair that reminded her of her best friend Vera's child, Henry, and that ever since the day she saw the baby she always wanted a child of her own just like him."

Somehow, I doubt she looked much at the appearance of someone covered in blood. She is trying to resist killing after afromented bear mauling.

That sounds like a post rescue justification.

E - True. Always wondered about that.

K - Anyway, I think he might just send Gianna, or something to guard the kid for a bit, if he decided to keep tabs. Gianna is just glad to be temporarily spared, and hopes that job success may mean Alec turns her into a vampire, or at the least, doesn't kill her.

E -Shot, i would make sure that kid have the best life ever if that means he doesn't kill me

K - But anyways, to a vampire who is not rescuing a human from a dangerous situation, or abstaining in general, sometimes they get a sense of "Mine!" About humans they see.

Jane, as a member of Voltri, where mates are occasionally found like this, has heard, and does not question, and in fact jumps on the opportunity.

Her human smells delicious, and is resistant to her gift, and absolutely perfect. Now, how to not kill her, while making Jane the center of her world.

That kid has aunt Gianna, who is not really an aunt, but is... A family friend now, and full intent to make the kid happy.

Gianna is a dead secretary as of Breaking Dawn, I think, But Alec has a need for the human, so he can borrow her.

She's well aware of her morality, at this point.

Also, get rid of that James guy, who found Bella while she was hiking in the woods, in this verse.

E - Yeah lets get rid of him!

Honestly the image of a grown asa man getting his ass handed to him by some 12 year old cracks me up.

K -While Bella might find inclination to view Jane romantically, possibly, sexual orientation may be an issue for her.

In cannon, Bella had the higher sex drive then Edward, and would have prefered that to marriage, indicating she may have a higher sex drive then romantic inclination.

Book Bella didn't show much interest in women, and I don't know what way she swings in this AU, but either way, that Jane has the body of a child would probably complicate things in that aspect.

Would Bella be exploring cross orientation here, or having a crisis for her finding a sex drive for someone who's body is closer to a childs then an adults?

Both would be complex issues.

-It does!First she takes him out with mental fire, then she fights and tears him up, in hopes of impressing her would (will) be  mate!

E -Crisis at the sex drive, cause again kids body, and I'd be hella creeped out. And orientation since I haven't seen her show much interest in woman so that's a lot of issues for her to start on

"And here we see the alpha female show her dominance by obliterating the high male in order to impress her mate"

K - Its kind of weird to even talk about it, yes.

But it would come up in this context

Bella herself, would probably be creeped out

Jane, might be less so, due to being centuries older than her, and living in a different time with different marriage standards

E - Bella is like "oh honey no, that's. ..no"

K -Jane was born in England around 800 A.D, the daughter of an Anglo-Saxon woman and a Frankish soldier.

She was 12-13 when transformed.

Let's bump it up to 13, because while both are far too young for being burned at the stake, 13 is slightly more

----

Was reading this

----

"Contrary to Victorian beliefs that pale, delicate women were the most attractive, Brown says that actually, muscles are key. It's the earliest known example of #fitspiration:

"All women would be healthier and none the less beautiful if they possessed firm muscles and strong limbs; this scarcely any one could controvert."

Even if she wants to consign herself to a life of singledom: "And if a girl never intends to marry she should be none the less mindful of her health."

Brown explains that women are often less inclined to discuss sensitive maladies than their male counterparts. But that's wrong.

"Young women should learn that to neglect disease is to create more," he stresses.

"Secondly, they should appreciate the fact that, though they may get very little sympathy from either the other sex or their own, there is no execuse for not taking their complaint boldly and sensibly to that quarter made for them, namely, their doctor."

---

And this guy sounds kind of radical for the time, and possibly today even, for some, but why does that last line still feel relevant to today's attitude of women's health.