#eren and mikasa have a very complicated relationship at the end of the day

[gregrulzok]

Modern!AU Zeke Jager brainworms, courtesy of the really long and complex AU I made with my friends fucking, what, two years ago?

We're only talking about Zeke but suffice it to say there's a lot of other backstory I'm leaving out

• Full name is Ezekiel Jager. He will absolutely never use this name and fully pretends it doesn't exist

• Was abandoned by Grisha when he was 7 after Dina died. Grisha left him with his grandparents and disappeared 'to grieve', returning 3 years later with a new wife and son to take him back

• Zeke really resented both him and Eren for a while, but after realising what a shitty father Grisha was to both of them, he took over taking care of Eren as much as possible - doubly so after Carla died too

• While Grisha was absent, Zeke developed a close paternal bond with his teacher/baseball coach Mr. Ksaver. Ksaver passed away when Zeke was 16, and Zeke was too grief-stricken and ended up abandoning baseball, comitting instead to becoming a doctor like Grisha

• When the Jagers started fostering Mikasa, Zeke was the first to try and learn some Japanese to make sure she didn't forget the language

• This led to him studying medicine in Japan after he got his bachelor's degree. He has a very ... Interesting encounter with Levi Ackerman while staying there *cough cough* at a specific sort of club *cough cough*

• (They met at a gay club and hooked up multiple times over the years, forming a very strained and awkward sort of relationship. They definitely annoyed each-other more than they liked each-other, but they formed a sort of kinship largely through their complicated family lives)

• Eventually he returned to do his residency in his father's hospital. In truth he absolutely hates the stress and fuss of being a doctor and thinks he isn't cut out for it - but he can't bring himself to quit.

• Staunchly anti-natalist - doesn't ever want to have kids and thinks he'd make a terrible father. On top of that, doesn't want to get married - he considers it an outdated institution

• Dated Pieck briefly. They had a stable relationship, but a fairly explosive break-up - Pieck brought up moving in together, and Zeke interpreted it as a marriage proposal and shot the idea down very harshly, leading to a huge argument and eventual break-up

• Most of his joy in life comes from embarrassing and poking fun at Eren. He loves him more than anything and can't bring himself not to annoy him at every possible opportunity

• Has numerous houseplants and can't keep any of them alive for shit

• Owns and takes great pride in using a full-on beard care kit, complete with an ornately carved mahogany box to keep it in. Generally takes really good care of his appearance ... Whenever he goes out. If he doesn't go out for two days in a row he immediately transformed into an over-caffeinated anxiety-riddled sasquatch

• Despite appearances, his house is an absolute mess - every surface has coffee stains, papers are scattered everywhere, ashtrays overflowing, dishes that haven't felt the touch of a single drop of water in many a night ... He absolutely hates cleaning and will put it off by any means necessary

• Has a novelty breath-mint tin

• Too nervous and forgetful to own a pet - he's toyed around with the idea of getting some fish, but after researching the amount of care they actually need he gave up on it entirely

• Listens to a lot of podcasts about the most random topics. Additionally his entire YouTube recommended feed is full of 3+ hour video essays

• Has a lot of trouble sleeping. The temperature, light and sound levels need to be very specific. On top of that he needs to be holding something to his chest.

• Fantasy nerd. Has read lord of the rings, played DND in college (doesn't have time for that these days), still watches real play streams - WILL try to mansplain the complex topics in any given high fantasy work of fiction

• Owns a collection of weird shirts with random images and sentences on them. It started off as a gag gift from Eren that read "Women fear me, Fish want me" - now he has easily over 20+ weird shirts, which he wears around the house at any given opportunity

• Loves Monty Python

[kyojuuros]

i am a bit confused. why does the fandom consider mikasa as eren's slave but not levi as erwin's slave? justifing it by saying levi resisted erwin's orders and mikasa didn't. levi also followed through erwin's orders even if he didn't agree to them in the entire series while mikasa never followed eren's orders unless she agreed to them. i mean if were mikasa to follow eren's orders she would be with the MP or working in the fields. she followed eren but not his orders.(if you can clear it up ty)

Oof, this is a bit of a sore spot for me. Basically, tldr; double standards.

This is just my observation of fandom culture in general as well as like, years of experience being around here, but Mikasa has always gotten a lot of shit from people for her attachment to Eren. And I think that’s honestly the root of the bigger issue.

Erwin and Levi’s relationship isn’t typically seen as equal to Eren and Mikasa’s, and is generally elevated into something a lot more positive due the more mature nature of their relationship to each other, and the characters as individuals.

Mikasa and Eren admittedly have a much more complicated and muddied relationship due to Eren’s self-focused pursuit of freedom and Mikasa’s lingering feelings for Eren. I won’t deny that they have had a lot more issues than anything we’ve seen between Levi and Erwin. Mikasa and Eren are both developing characters who are still growing and maturing into the people they’re meant to become, whereas Levi and Erwin are already mature and have their “final” personalities defined, with a side of narrative development to push their personal arcs forward. 

Mikasa’s arc isn’t solely defined by her relationship with Eren, but due to her portrayal in the anime, as well as her primary narrative motivation for fighting being rooted in her desire to be by Eren’s side and protect him always, she often is reduced to this singular character trait by many in the fandom. A lot of people don’t find this endearing, but rather tragic instead… some just find it annoying.

Eren’s words to her in 112 really didn’t help anything, as he called her a slave who’s driven solely by her Ackerman instincts to protect her “host” - Eren, himself. Although most of the audience have come to the conclusion that Eren’s words to her weren’t wholly honest, people will take anything and run with it. It especially doesn’t help that Eren was particularly cruel to Mikasa and that she is still struggling to reconcile what happened. Again, simplifying things down to her “Ackergenes” or her being “1-dimensional,” rather than acknowledge their long, complicated history and the special feelings she’s had for him for nearly 10 years of her life. The complicated feelings and devotion she has toward Eren is very human and relatable, and one of the reasons I heavily identify with her on a personal level. 

But, anon, it’s really just a big double standard that permeates the fandom at large. Mikasa and Levi both have their bond with Eren and Erwin highlighted quite a bit throughout the manga and supplemental material. Levi is very much praised for wanting to protect and honor Erwin, with people often romanticizing his unwavering commitment to seeing his promise to Erwin through, while a lot of people don’t have the same attitude toward Mikasa and just wish she would “get over” Eren or “dump him” and “live for herself instead.” Granted, this isn’t all necessarily rooted in people’s perception of Mikasa. A lot of it stems from a bitterness that many have started to feel toward Eren due to his recent actions in the manga.

Her desire to protect Eren is seen as a hindrance or an annoyance, a “simplification” of her character, and often people only pay attention to that aspect of her character and completely ignore her growth into an effective soldier, a caring friend to all the 104th, and her loyalty to the Survey Corps. Her commitment to her loved ones at large is reduced to her “only caring about Eren” despite her protecting the others many times throughout the story.

Her setting aside the scarf is praised as “discarding her chains” and empowering herself as a woman who “doesn’t need no man,” while people simultaneously look at Levi’s inability to move on from his vow and let go of someone he cared for deeply with endearment. 

Both of these characters have flaws and strengths. Both of them have endearing relationships with the person they are bonded with which do heavily influence their personal arcs, but don’t define them as individuals. Both of them have committed violent behavior in order to protect and honor their special person and both struggle with feelings of being unable to let go of said person, despite hurting over them. 

For me, neither Levi nor Mikasa are “slaves” to Erwin or Eren. They are their own people, who chose to follow these two individuals based on compatible ideals and personalities. There are tragic and endearing elements that apply to both of these bonds, and they each have something that they either need to fulfill on their own or move on from. I am hopeful that all of this mystery surrounding the Ackerman bloodline will be resolved and that we as a fandom can confidently say that neither of them are “slaves” to their special person. 

I think it’s important to just keep in mind most everyone in this fandom have some kind of bias. This is the way that I see things, I know not everyone will agree with me. I think that both of these bonds are unique and special and add to the story more than hinder it. I think they add to the complexity of Levi and Mikasa as characters, and it’s fun to pick at the differences and similarities in their personalities and the bonds they share with Erwin and Eren. Everyone’s free to absorb and enjoy the series in their own way, but I heavily disagree with a lot of the harsh criticism I see thrown at Eren and Mikasa’s bond.

[stinkysam]

Reiner Braun - It's not gonna end well

Warning : s1 to s4 spoilers, death mention

Genre : fluff / angst

Synopsis : "What about some headcanons of Reiner and Male!Reader being in a relationship when they were infiltrated on Paradis? Maybe the reader is human and doesn't know about Reiner being a titan or a traitor" - @shortshiro​

Reader : male (you/yours)

A/N : part 2 (I’m glad Jean beat you up because I can’t.)

Oh did he hate the look on your face…

He truly did not expect it, never would he have imagined falling in love with someone from Paradis, even less another man aiming for the survey corps.

Falling for you had been both so easy and complicated as quickly Bertolt and Annie caught on and tried to warn him in their own way that it was a dangerous game. He had tried to reassure them but you made it hard for him to not want to be with you.

That would be a lie to say he didn't try to flirt with you in some way while also looking innocent in the eyes of his friends. Making them sigh deeply when they heard someone say they saw you and Reiner kissing. 

Yet everything went nicely between you two, to the point he could sometimes forget what he was here for. And he actually preferred when it was like that, simply loving you and enjoying your time together without any second thoughts.

He's already smiling when he hears you quietly climb onto his bed to spend the night with him, or when you call him over, fluffing up your bedsheets to make it cozier, your touch pushing away all lucidity. He has to enjoy it as much as he can while it lasts. To take every second you give him before it's too late. 

Instantly melting when you tightly wrap your arms around him to pull him closer. Unknowingly soothing him by rubbing his back and whisper-talking before falling asleep. 

He couldn't help but feel proud of each of your accomplishments, small or big. You could be sure he'd talk about it to others without even sounding like he's bragging.

He's not much of a hand holder, instinctively grabbing you by your arm or having his hand on your shoulder when walking with you.

Or maybe it's because he's really hesitant and would get instantly flustered if you placed your hand in his. Though you wouldn't know as he'd make sure to keep a straight face, chest swollen in pride. The only hint would be how rapidly his palms become sweaty, embarrassing him even more. 

He's genuinely worried about you when you're finally able to go outside the walls, especially if you're not in the same group. You trained together so he knows your strength, yet he's instantly relieved when he sees you from afar, glad to see you're still alive and seemingly not hurt.

He's sometimes a little bit confused when you ask him if he has any injuries. Of course not, we can regenera- oh, right. 

He'll quickly tell you that he's fine before asking if you're okay. He becomes very wary of his words, not wanting to accidentally reveal anything to you, especially not after finally finding the Founding titan. 

As they're trying to find ways to take Eren to Marley, Reiner struggles to keep the act with you and he's really conflicted, wanting both to do his best with you and give you up to entirely devote himself to his primary mission. 

Trying to forget about Marley for a few more minutes. Arms wrapped around you to keep you there, face pushed against your torso. He loves you so much, you know that ? He already told you multiple times. Do not forget about it. 

With each passing day he feels more and more trapped by his own decisions, knowing they'll have to reveal themselves. But he doesn't give himself the choice to abandon, not after all this time and after everything they've done. So he's enjoying each second you grant him. Loving your smile and your nice words before they finally have to take action.

He tried not to look at you when he repeated himself, barely dodging Mikasa's strike before turning into the armored titan. He knew that seeing your face would be too painful. Already heartbroken by the glimpses of you he caught. 

Absolutely hating how confused you looked at him, refusing to believe what had just happened before your eyes and unable to make a move.

He tried to ignore it but it seemed like the others did not want him to as Eren brought you into the discussion to buy himself some time as he regenerated.

Ymir added more salt to the wound, taunting him saying he was so stupid to actually fall in love with someone he knew he had to betray. Even if she admitted she did the same with Historia, she didn't care enough to drop the subject. Bertolt had been nice enough to avoid the topic.

With enough denial he felt ready to continue the plan and fight against the survey corps, refusing to think about how they were once friends 

In the end he was glad they banded his eyes when he lost the fight, he wouldn't have to look at you. He could feel your panicked stare on him the whole time and he knew that if he could actually see it, he wouldn't have been able to answer as confidently as he would've wanted, especially not after you quickly agreed with Jean when he tried to stop Hange from killing him. 

Did you feel some sort of relief when the cart titan took him away ? 

[imo-chan-imagines]

『 As your boyfriend | BNHA Headcanons 』

From the good, to the bad, to the downright adorable.

Characters: female!reader, Aizawa Shouta

Tags/warnings: Boku No Hero Academia (anime), 18+, explicit descriptions of sex, smut, fluff, soft dom Aizawa, relationship, headcanons

⚠️ 18+ CONTENT! MINORS: PLEASE DO NOT INTERACT ⚠️

A/N: Right, so I'm simping for this man biG TIME, but I'm only on season 3, so no spoilers or anything, please. This is my first BNHA post (and it turned out way longer than I was intending 😅) Please let me know if you want more in the future!

Also, I have a repetitive strain injury, so typing stuff is taking a while at the moment. Sorry about that. Thanks for reading! Please enjoy ♡ ~Imo

☆ Aizawa Shouta ☆

I'm not going to lie. Shouta can be a big ol' grouchy pants sometimes, and it's basically impossible to win an argument against him makes you want to tear your hair out, sometimes

But most of the time, he's just tired and in pain, and he doesn't mean to be so crotchety

He's not the type to make excuses, though. That's childish. He means his apologies, even if they're simple

He'll normally initiate an apology by gently wrapping his arms around you from behind and resting his forehead on your shoulder 🥺

Physical contact is incredibly personal and intimate for him. He doesn't just touch anyone, or allow them to touch him

You're special 💞💫

Soft, gentle touches, like his fingers interlacing with yours, or his leg brushing up against you, are basically his way of saying 'I love you'

Catch me crying in the corner, a'ight? 😔

He rarely ever raises his voice. Like, ever he doesn't need to, and is aware that it can be scary

He's definitely the kind of guy to forget to tell people that you're dating, simply because he doesn't see how it's relevant or anyone else's business 🤦‍♀️

I mean, he ain't wrong, but–

And his mood switches between 'antisocial' and 'clingy' like a mechanical metronome did someone say 'cat'?

Sometimes, you'll be lucky if he speaks more than three words to you together in a whole day nothing personal 🤷‍♀️

But on other days, he literally won't let you out of his arms for the world he's complicated, okay?

You have missed many a parcel delivery because he wouldn't let you get up from his lap to answer the door 🙄😂

Boundaries and responsibilities are key and highly respected by Shouta, and he would NEVER erase your quirk without your permission, unless he literally had no other choice like someone's going to get hurt, or something

Is generally quite serious so what's new? but you're one of the few people he can relax around when he feels like it

9/10 of his jokes are dad jokes 😎 hell yeah

Takes a hard stance in financial debates, but is constantly broke af 😶 says he'll buy you dinner and presents you with some instant noodles with a 'Reduced To Clear' sticker on them

Will take a bite of your food/steal some off your plate without asking, and literally say nothing to defend himself #gremlin

Is incredibly shy and uncomfortable about being ~le horny~ until you've been together for literally forever

Even then, he's still shy about it when he has to bring it up and it's pretty cute, let me tell ya

It took him forever to admit to you that he gets turned on when you eat ice lollies

Guess what you do whenever you want to mess with him like a little brat 😛

But if he's in the mood, he will 100% whisper something dirty in your ear, even if you're completely alone and probably well past third base

He does it because he knows your pussy will clamp around him at the sound of his voice 😳🥵

*fans self profusely*

Genuine, unadulterated smiles are rare with Aizawa, but when he does 🙌 Heaven hath opened its gates and allowed an angel walk amongst mere mortals 🥺🤧

If he lays his head on your chest, he will fall asleep like that *snaps fingers*

Surprise nose and forehead kisses to show he loves you ❤

Calls you 'Kitten' this is basically already canon at this point

And he's all about those deep talks with you at 3 am when he can't sleep

Speaking of insomnia!

It's cheesy, but you're like a soothing balm. The warmth of your body makes him feel safe, your touch helps him relax, and your voice soothes him to sleep

He's never slept as well as when you're beside him 😭🤧

When cuddling, he likes to be the big spoon but will accept being the little spoon if you if you press your boobs against his back and ask really nicely 🤭

And he loves you stroking his hair and running your fingers through it 🥺

Netlix nights and pillow/blanket forts!!

Rainy days are a godsend. Staying inside all day under the blankets, with the soft sound of the rain falling outside and no-one to interrupt you – literal paradise

He makes mean hot cocoas and Irish coffees 😋 I feel like this man lives off Irish coffees 😂🤣

Wears a lot of black and grey sweatpants at home 😗 which highlight the outline of his dick just right, if ya know what I'm sayin' 👀

Doesn't like going out for dates and prefers staying inside and doing stuff together same, honeyy

But if you really like going out, he will somewhat begrudgingly agree to it and get all dressed up for you, just so long as he gets his fair share of home-dates, too 🤗

But if you also don't like going out... the two of you will basically never leave the house, except to get groceries in your pyjamas from the 24-hour convenience store down the road at one in the morning oddly specific, I know, but you get me

And sorry, but I don't make the rules

Well, actually, I do. But shush

We all know that Shouta cleans up *chef's kiss* So when you go somewhere ~fancy~ he always looks so damn fine 😩

But he has very little idea that he's hot he sees himself as a tired, walking dumpster fire🚶‍♂️🔥

Shouta will 100% turn into a crazy cat dude with 15+ cats if you don't stop him I never said you should, though 🙃

And is a 'minimalist texter' – basically, if he can't answer a text with 'yes', 'no,' 'maybe', or 'OK', then he probably won't answer it at all 😭😂

Especially if you try and sext him or send him your nudes while he's at work. He'll probably lecture you when he gets home and depending on just how much you turned him on, he might proceed to teach you a lesson...

But wear his shirt, and just his shirt or his hoodie and he's yours

Heart eyes, motherfucker 😍

And, depending on how you two are feeling that day, you may or may not end up getting dicked down on the nearest semi-flat surface right then and there 👀

But don't misunderstand. This is an incredibly tired man you have here, and his libido actually isn't through the roof sorry, ladies so this kind of thing isn't an everyday occurrence

But when he dicks you down, he dicks you down goooood

Shouta's not big on PDA, but makes up for it in private. We're talking hands and kisses all over your body he leaves nothing unloved 😏

And while he's not big on PDA, he is big on sneaky displays of affection or 'SDA', as I like to call it

Like subtly grabbing your butt for a second, or his hand on your thigh under the table at a dinner etc. especially around other people

But what really gets him going is slowly removing your clothes and taking you fully naked, spreading your legs wide and holding them open he likes the view 😍

He lowkey highkey worships your body 🙏 and will literally not shut up about how fucking pretty you are, and how fucking good it feels inside you his words, not mine 😳

Groans and growls a little when he's getting close/cumming especially when he's being a little rough and likes to cum together, but knows it's not always practical

He tends to be a gentle dom, but can get just a teensy bit 🤏 rough if he's too into it – but nothing outrageous

We're talking rough thrusts and a brutal pace, maybe holding onto you a little too hard and, waaahh, he gets so embarrassed if he leaves bruises

Is also into a little bondage, but again, only light stuff – restraining your wrists with his hands or his tie or his Capturing Weapon 👀 maybe blinding-folding you if you're okay with it

If you're not blindfolded, then I'm afraid he's all about that eye contact

Eating out your pussy? Eye contact. Pounding you into the mattress? Blazing eye contact. Rearranging your guts in front of the mirror? Fucking eye contact

And CONSENT, BABY. THAT'S WHAT HE'S FUCKING INTO 😌🙌💞

But all jokes aside – he's too used to taking without consent with his quirk, that he's kind of paranoid about it comes to sex but it's adorable and sweet, and honestly, still kind of hot

And speaking of eating pussy – goddamn does he like to please you. Like cream to a kitty 😛

Oh, and he just loves it when you suck on his fingers as he's pounding into you 🤤

And he likes to leave love bites in personal, inconspicuous places and sometimes on your neck

He's marking his woman 😌

When he gets suuuper horny, he likes to fuck you from behind, standing upright in front of the mirror. It's a specific kink he has of watching himself stretch you out as the length of his cock disappears inside you...

I can get behind that, lemme tell yaaa

I said he tends to be dominant, but female doms – fear not!

Shouta is quite flexible when it comes down to it and is kind of lazy, lmfao so he definitely has time for laying back, having the control taken away, and having his dick ridden

For him, it's really all about communication and what you're both comfortable with

I will say this, though: sometimes, his cat watches you while you're banging 😅😂

The first time it happened, you freaked out and refused to continue because – how could you??? But eventually, you just kind of got used to it 🤷‍♀️

The same way you've got used to it following you to the bathroom every time you go to take a shit 😭

So now, you just kind of laugh about it, which helps keep things a little lighter 🤗

After sex, he does like to snuggle, but you'll be lucky if he stays awake for more than 30 seconds it's one of the few times he actually can sleep well

If you're ever out and about, or even inside, and cold, he'll wrap you up in his clothes/scarf/blanket like a sushi roll like Eren wrapping up Mikasa in his scarf, all deadpan and everything 😐

It's not that often, but when he gets drunk, he gets all soft and emotional, and starts babbling about how he can't believe he got so lucky to be dating you, and that he's sure he hasn't done anything to deserve it mah heart

He's pretty sure he wants kids, but he doesn't feel like now is the right time, and is lowkey afraid that it's never going to feel like the right time

He also constantly doubts himself, wondering if he'd actually able to look after them and protect them the way a father should class 1-A got him second-guessing himself 🥺

Besides, it's not all about him. You clearly have a say in it too, and he doesn't want to force you into anything

Again: communication and comfort zones

Dating Aizawa definitely has its ups and downs, and it's not smooth sailing, but he's prepared to work for a life with you because he's found a connection with you that he hasn't feel with anyone else

He knows that you're both far from perfect, but hopes that, for once, you might just make something good, and make it last 🥰😇

© imo-chan-imagines 2020

[sugar-petals]

♡ Levi Dating A Tall Girl

warnings ⚠️  some innuendo, possessiveness, jealousy, skinship

↳ NOTE. short captain ftw 

You don’t fall backwards the first time he hands you a big ass gun to practice target shooting. Finally someone who doesn’t act like a wobbly fool. Long legs. Better shooting stances. No questions asked. Levi likes that.

You can get the emergency supply tea box from the top shelf. He is jealous, this is cheesy, but still. Levi likes that.

You are hard to overlook. For pragmatic reasons since he lives in sheer chaos and needs to collect his squad from the most unholy places, Levi likes that.

But also... he has to confess he finds it fascinating to see you walk and talk. So, Levi likes that.

You can clean the ceiling. For obvious reasons: Levi likes that.

Paintjobs are easy to you. Levi likes that.

You can carry more weapons on you. Knife here, knife there, knives everywhere. Levi likes that.

Without even knowing or trying, you have a natural bold appearance. People don’t start trouble. The squad is peaceful and diligent in your presence. Him, too. He doesn’t say it, but he admits to himself that he feels protected. Levi likes that. A lot.

It might be outdated in the Survey Corps, but Levi enjoys calling you Madam. You really look like one in your Sunday outfit, just so you know. The height difference makes anyone buy into it. So, you go by „Ma’am“ wherever you go, knowing who addressed you that way first because he respects you. Levi likes that.

The advanced Trojan horse: You can smuggle him almost anywhere when you wear a dress. Levi is kinda going crazy with your legs being so up close though. My, my. What an interesting undercover mission. Levi likes that. You, too. Wink wink nudge nudge.

When cooking, you fool around planting your underboob on Levi’s head while the oven does its thing. He’s cursing a bunch of things. But he can’t deny you’re funny and he really fits in that spot, too. Levi likes that.

Your height means more to scrub in the shower. Levi does not shy away from grabbing a sponge for the ladies as we know. Only select people he will foam up personally, so, this is a knighting. If you can shave him, he can shampoo you, it’s tit for tat. A very cleanly exchange. Levi likes that.

In the comfort of your room, not in his, nor his office or elsewhere, really when nobody is watching — Levi sits on your lap. Plenty of space, so. He fits snugly right there. Levi likes that.

You look great when you ride a horse and handle horses well in general. You can get on there in two seconds without delay. Speed is key. Levi likes that.

And I mean.

What’s not to like, anyway? Levi’s captain crush on you equals your height in terms of intensity.

Technically, you, like all other people, qualify as a brat. A tall, noodly brat. But you’re nice to him and vice versa: Don’t deliberately nor accidentally get on his nerves. So the most he’ll do is grumble at you where others would get a speech. If you make a mistake with the equipment, he won’t let it slide for obvious survival-related reasons, but his tone is noticeably gentler, a crucial tinge.

The whole squad — especially the rowdy members who tease him the most ironically — spirals into envy, but doesn’t say anything lest they want Levi’s frown and explanation on how they were messing around while you worked. The guy’s proud of it and wants to deservedly hype your ethic to be honest.

So let us just note that special fondness he has and let it sink in.

Under the guise of “establishing order”, Levi has an excuse to make his schtick for you heard: Indirectly.

Levi scolds anyone calling you bigfoot or titan girl. His supposed reason: They didn’t clean well. In reality, he’s mad they pick on you but he can’t say it.

The captain is concerned that people don’t ruin your day and he’ll do something about it. That’s pretty damn astounding. Levi hardly bothers getting into other people’s mood management and personal things.

Armin thinks it’s adorable when Levi casually walks between you and Hanji, likely headed somewhere to buy conveniences because Sasha is dying to get food. Connie calls it the ‘Levi Sammich’ and laughs his ass off every. Single. Time.

Mad titan scientist she is, Hanji’s latest experiment involves a two-person battle maneuver where you have to carry Levi piggyback. He initially declines, but it looks adorable indeed, actually. You don’t really have to put efforts into holding him in place awkwardly, his legs are strong. So much about two-person maneuvers, the two of you fight well as a duo, your bodies complement each other. Best believe the same feat applies to what happens between four bedposts.

In more casual settings, he dons his usual scowl when he stands next to you, but he thinks it's sexy that you look at his shoulders from above. You can see the weight on them.

He wishes he had your shoulders. But then again, he wouldn’t want to change bodies at the end of the day, as surprising as it sounds. Levi knows he needs to be a compact little unit to do what he does.

A lot of people taunt you as a couple, but after some time of always reacting with anger right away, he becomes cooler about his self-worth. Levi realizes — man, he knows who he is.

Should you ever faint, he can catch you with ease. Levi Ackerman is the last guy to get crushed by his gf, that we all know. He’s not afraid of your body or your weight. No cowardice, no shame, no questions asked.

And as we know. He got a thing with your legs, don’t even try. Legs legs legs leggy legs, that’s all there is on Levi’s brain when you don’t wear a uniform but skirts during leisure time. He tries to block out that thought, unsuccessfully.

Titans he can go without, but you are his irreplaceable sexy goddess you know. Levi admires you.

Whenever you hit your hip or limbs at an awkwardly set-up table, Levi will position it elsewhere immediately. Low door frames he can’t do anything against, but he will tug at your sleeve twice every time you enter a room while walking behind you so you remember to stay alert. It’s... really cute how he’s tugging at you from below. I need a moment.

In the mornings, an even cuter thing happens: When his legs are too short to reach the ground while he’s sitting on an improvised barber chair of yours. You’re cutting his neck hair while he’s pouty about his tininess. You do your best to organize a smaller chair with Armin’s help later on.

But your height difference also causes some upheaval at the start or the relationship and brings up some deeper wounds.

You can easily help tie Eren’s man bun way up there and that makes Levi extra jealous. In fact, he feels like imploding to the point of creating a black hole. Even Mikasa is fine with it because it’s all on a friendly basis with no thought behind it. Like it’s just helping Eren get his hair under control for squad practice. But Levi sees red:

Out of sheer Ackerspite, he will grow out the top part of his undercut and ask you to tie up his hair, too. This guy is on fire. Like hello, he wants your hands in his hair like that as well!

He orders Mikasa to take care of Eren’s “brat mop on his head” every morning “for the sake of the cleanly survey corps dress code” without exception. Eren is totally confused, Mikasa likes the idea, and you are shocked.

Damn, this guy doesn’t play.

He wants you to stroke and tie only his sacred hair if he’s entirely honest with himself. Best time of the day for him. Levi ends up looking like your smol samurai bodyguard with his new hairstyle. You could fancy that in the long run.

And... you know he is insecure. You always know. And, if you’re honest yourself, are glad to have permission to give him such deliberate affection because he values it so much.

Levi hardly builds any romantic bonds and if he does, he easily feels left out because the truth is, he’s needier than the average person. It’s difficult if there are only few people close enough for that, since Levi needs a lot.

Eren is no viable competition, but you decide you gotta make that clear to the touch-starved little guy. Since... In reality, the man bun discussion is not about Levi being petty just because. It’s about wanting to have that connection with you. And: Your attention. Levi doesn’t look like it, but he needs it. A metric ton.

In fact, Levi is the biggest love-deprived attention whore on the entire island and that’s a hard fact.

So, what to do about it. First: Clean slate needed, because you’re a bit annoyed, too.

You sit down for dinner and talk to Levi about how you are not interested in stealing Eren from Mikasa, nor do you think Levi looks ugly or invisible compared to Eren because of the height. You want to be a helpful squad member and he has no business imposing his brat hair rules to make himself exclusive out of fear, as if you would jump Eren as soon as he doesn’t look. And that he should say when he’s envious or wants something, point-blank. You’re very willing to give him all the attention to the moon and back alright.

Levi, grumpy at himself, apologizes for wanting to control the situation instead of saying that he wishes for time with you and makes tea.

He’s feeling mighty called out but owns up to all of this having been a knee-jerk response. Guy’s hard on himself, but that’s how he adapts his behavior.

The whole truth is, he knows that Eren is a lot easier to be around while he, Levi, is a complicated guy that is arguably hard to approach in random matters, even for loved ones.

He beats himself up for that and wants to be more emotionally and physically accessible to you so you can shower your affections on him the way you want to. That’s what it really boils down to.

That means fishing for old parts of his youth he didn’t allow. Levi wants to challenge himself to be more open to receiving. He knows he keeps his appeal on lock and it’s time to change that because he sees that you enjoy such closeness. Just the way he does, but secretly.

He also says to you that you can always touch him the way you desire after work.

Levi sees how you like being hands-on and how you do it, and makes it firm that you don’t have to walk on eggshells, hold back, or ask like it’s a delicate matter.

Levi sees relationships in simple terms: Since you’re together, of course you can touch him. It’s part of the whole thing by default to him and he even assumed you took it for granted like there’s telepathy going on.

In fact, brace yourself: For the lack of a better word, it’s even his expectation that this happens. Not like an obligation but as in, that you take opportunities is a given to him, he anticipates it.

You reply that it’s good he communicates this, it’s got to be outspoken. His views on how this whole thing goes has to be out in the open. It gives you a lot more clarity on his boundaries, too.

Before another bout of jealousy unearths more taken-for-granted things, Levi realizes he has to make up his mind that he has to talk about his limits.

So, he also says he entrusts it to you to find the very right moments for skinship.

That entails kissing and pinning and sitting close to another. And sex. Which is pretty damn enjoyable with him, the real fucking deal. So steamy. My God.

And he makes it clear he does his paperwork fast and you can always ask, he’s never too busy to postpone things entirely. He’d rather die the next day after winding in the sheets than handling paper. Levi can’t sleep anyways so it gets his mind off. It’s always welcome and he tells you not to be hesitant.

Levi is the type to absolutely pick up the cues right away — and proceed to really make out against a wall really intensely — so you’re under no obligation to wave a giant red cloth in front of him like he’s a Spanish bull or whatever. He gets the hints and goes along. Not to worry.

You also ask Levi what he thinks about you initiating romantic things and he shrugs — „Do what you want.“

The brand of romance Levi is out for you can already guess anyways. Tea and more tea.

For now, that’s where you agree to “leave it at that” after he thanks you for being straightforward.

You launch your first affections before bedtime. He lets you sleep in his bed, damn right. You really have to be a priority to be able to reside there, I’m telling you. Levi rests with one eye open and in his harness, you have all the blanket for yourself to cuddle up in. That won’t stop you from peppering his face with a few very deliberately placed smooches.

Levi can’t deny he’s a sucker for getting forehead kisses. He drops his hygiene protocol just for that. Safe to say his man bun jealousy from earlier that day cools off in no time. Not to say it shatters completely when you go for the gold that is his pretty little mouth. He’s so overwhelmed emotionally, he almost cries. Levi never thought someone would do this with him.

You repeat the same thing next day, behind the barracks after sunset. Levi holds you real tight. He’s so addictive in the best way. Going by how breathless it all winds up to be, he doesn’t want the kisses to end.

What your height is handy for here? He can gaze up to the night sky when he locks lips with you. Levi, as we know, likes seeing the moon and training his neck flexibility anyways. But that’s not the purpose behind why he’s so down to kiss you so passionately, rest assured.

If he tiptoes a little, he can park his pretty face under your chin after you both ran out of air. Levi’s drug... your long neck. He thinks it smells so good.

He murmurs in response, but he actually wants to be gently cooed at and petted when he rests there. Just a little. He’s humming. Ah, so satisfying. Guess you aced the „Do what you want“ part. You’ll do this with him Lord knows for how many times.

Levi cuddles up at your chest later. Plenty of space for him, and he loves how your voice resounds from there.

Oh— by the way. Since Hanji installed one between the two apple trees outside: It’s always nice to sleep in a hammock with a tall girl. The fabric doesn’t fold him in, he can watch the stars with you off duty. You give him a reason to be content, and that’s the sweetest thing. Levi’s all in love, he’s really grateful. You go, Ma’am.

— more levi writings: sub!levi hc | levi’s happy end/tea shop hc

[aotopmha]

asdfgh can I also just add: Eren was like "Imma commit genocide" and Historia follows with "What were you to say if I got a child?" she recovered very quickly and found way to save herself from being fed to Zeke. I probably sound like a hater but I never paid much attention to her and now seeing people thinking she did a 180 in the finale, just makes me feel..the evidence had been in front of us the whole time, maybe I missed sth why people are giving her the benefit of the doubt

I read this and the previous ask I got, but I couldn't figure out if you were the same anons, so I'll treat these as separate asks.

People have been saying that characters have made a 180 for a number of characters at play here.

Apparently Reiner is back to where he started and preposterously cares for his friends on Paradis (when in reality he probably just got to rest a little bit and he didn't actually end up hating any of them and felt intense guilt for hurting so many people on Paradis).

Apparently Eren is unrecognisable from his character (when he has been a very impulsive and single-minded character for pretty much all of the story *together with* the changes in his character, there are a lot of moments where he cares about Mikasa, he even directly asks what she is to him and we know for a fact memories are screwing with him).

Apparently Mikasa never got an arc (when in reality she killed the person she loved the most to save the world). The most frustrating elements for me in terms of criticism I see for Mikasa's arc is that she should "grow independent" from Eren.

It's been a criticism for as long as I remember, but I think that would be a lonely and miserable thing. Eren's and Mikasa's relationship is complicated, but it slowly grows more healthy as the story goes on. I think her suddenly just stopping to care about Eren would be the solution that would be wrong. Remembering him for the good moments they had is absolutely the way to go. It could've been empowering if Eren was an uncomplicated abuser, but he's not.

Immediately pairing her up, more specifically her "needing another man in her life" as some people put it is the actually sexist thing to do, too. A woman should be allowed to have feelings, even if it is about another male character.

Giving her personal time and solace in good times and friends coming to see her instead of instantly pairing her up with another guy is the more respectful move because pairing her up with another guy immediately after the person she cares about dies would be treating her like a prize passed over from guy to guy.

(In fact I like that none of the female characters are left off as solely to be mothers. Even Historia.)

But speaking of Historia, to finally directly address your ask, I think her motives absolutely were selfish, she probably did this with the reasoning to survive/refuse the Titan cycle, but at least her ultimate desire was a world free of Titans.

I do not think she is cheering on the death part of it at all, at the very least.

I have a firm wall between fiction and reality so I don't particularly care about the moral implications if you zoom in there to the very basics, rather I care about the framing of this entire thing.

Is Eren actually celebrated as some grand hero who saved humanity here, textually and subtextually?

No. Armin is the hero here.

For stuff like this, morality and scale of a situation is actully pretty irrelevant.

Evangelion's Shinji gets shit for this very same reason. His hesitation is putting many lives in danger, but this is technically irrelevant to framing and what the story wants to say. I think the world wasn't at stake a lot of people wouldn't rag on his character so much.

What is the intention here? Because I think if Eren would've killed any amount less and the story would say he was a great hero and he would get a good life with his friends, it would still be horrendous storytelling in my eyes because the point would be that what he did was okay. I can nitpick the details of the situation all day, but that really doesn't mean anything if a narrative delibrately paints disgusting stuff in a positive light.

I think this is the primary reason why fascists are disowning this story. The vibe and points made don't check out. The big parade and Eren's motto are framed in a sinister light, not for heroes coming home.

This even goes for the general claims I see around for the tone of the ending.

It's not a pure power of friendship ending: 80% of humanity is dead, the Yeagerists are still alive on Paradis and for all we know, just like Pieck says, their ship could just be sink the moment they arrive.

It's a hopeful ending, but it is also the beginning of a new struggle.

Thank you for the ask!

[aiikawarazu]

Hourglass Chapter #22

Title: Blue & Grey

Rated: M

Summary: Blue was the color of ocean. Grey was the color of sky in winter. In March of that year, before the cold winter melted into spring, these group of adolescents at the very center of this story experienced love, pain, heartbreak, and joy. Life was a series of choices, after all. And it was as mysterious as it could be.

FFNet here || AO3 here (AO3 is late update)

Disclaimer: I do not own Shingeki no Kyojin

In March of that year, Armin found a ring.

Ymir lost her job, while Historia got a letter.

In March of that year, Ayako finally fell in love, while Mikasa fell into despair.

But for a short while, in March, they had all experienced happiness in various sorts of ways.

March was the moment which witnessed many strange happenings. Some bonds were broken, while others were strengthened. At the beginning, no one could have seen how these seemingly random events were all connected, but then again, perhaps none of them were a coincidence.

Even months, and years after that, Mikasa still sometimes thought to herself – what would happen if she had chosen to do things differently?

If she had given a different answer, would things turn out the way did?

Or, was everything a predetermined setup from the beginning, flowing in one direction towards the inevitable outcome?

If only she had the answer to that.

It was a tale in the strange city of Shiganshina – when the weather was about to turn from piercing cold to warm, when the icy winter was about to give away into spring. Along with the coming of spring, these adolescents in the very center of this story had also melted away their youths into maturity.

It had all started on one chilly winter afternoon, when Armin picked up a lost ring.

- Winter Flower: Daffodil -

At first, Armin wasn't really sure whose ring it was. As usual, he was on his way home from school to the train station. Eren and Mikasa were off somewhere together that afternoon. They had been together a lot as of lately and to be honest, Armin knew what's going on between them. There was such subtle openness in the way they were casually behaving in one another's presence now – as though it was just natural for one of them to be with the other, just like the waves and the sea being of one existence. It was as if they had known each other for all their lives, even those hellish months full of fights and misunderstandings in September last year up to this January now felt like something that had happened a long, long time ago, probably from another lifetime. Indeed, life was as mysterious as it could be – a lot of things were set in motion after he met Eren and Mikasa, and the rest was history.

If only Armin knew, that him walking these streets today was also history in the making. Life was a series of choices, after all.

He was walking in a hurry in an attempt to catch the next train in five minutes – when suddenly he felt his foot kick a peculiar object on the side of the pavement. The small sound of metal clink brought the object to his notice. The circular thing glistened a little under winter sunlight, rolled half a meter away before losing balance and fell sideways, circling a few times before it finally settled down on the ground. Armin frowned. Carefully, he made a few steps to approach the object and slowly picked it up, feeling curiosity rising inside him.

A ring.

He turned the object in his hands. It was a modest ring, made out of metal and silver. Judging from the color, it was certainly not a new one. It had been worn out due to age – but at the same time, this ring was beautifully polished, proof that the owner was taking a good care of it despite of its age. If it was such an important thing – the owner must be looking for it now.

Armin ran his fingers on the outer circle. The size was small, the owner was probably a woman. He tried to turn it around for more clues. Could this ring belong to someone in Shiganshina North? It could be. After all, all the students had to travel past this road if they wanted to reach the station. And Armin knew that for a fact, a lot of students went to school by train.

If this belongs to a student – I could easily give it at school, Armin thought. He tried to look for name engravings, and his eyes glistened in silent triumph when he finally found it. There, on the inside of the ring, was engraved the name of a person, most likely the owner of that ring, in cursive letters.

Annie L.

"Annie…" Armin brows furrowed at the name. He was plunged deep in thought for a few seconds. The name seemed to ring a strange bell in his brain – he had heard that name somewhere… only he couldn't remember it.

Was there a student named Annie in their school? He couldn't recall anyone in his year – but she could be a first or third year. He stood still for a moment, the mysterious ring still intertwined between his fingers. Annie… What if she wasn't a student in his school after all? Shouldn't he be turning this to the police as a lost item?

He tried hard to remember. Every time it seemed like he was so close to remembering, his memories went up and over like thin smokes. He gave out a sigh of frustration. He couldn't let it go.

At that moment, Armin didn't know why he did it. He could have made a detour to the police before resuming his walk to the train station. He could have turned the ring in as a lost item – it was the most sensible thing to do. Armin was usually a pretty sensible person. But this time – just this time, something stopped him from doing it. Probably because he wanted to know who Annie was. Probably because he wanted to find out why exactly she took a really good care of such a modest, old ring. Or probably – because the image of this ring itself had made him curious about the owner.

Whatever the reason was, he squeezed the item carefully inside his hand and slipped it in his pocket. Then, he continued his walk toward the station, as if nothing happened. He had chosen to keep that ring.

- Winter Flower: Plum Blossom -

It was a chilly afternoon indeed. Even though it was March, the temperature was still freezing. Not a weather Jean would have preferred for this activity he was about to carry, but still he couldn't have chosen any other day.

He washed his face with the freezing cold water, turned the tap shut, and faced his expression in the foggy bathroom mirror. He looked scared. Scared, but ready.

"You got this," he said to himself as he slapped both hands to either side of his face. It was an attempt to bring him down to reality, a slap of truth on the face that he needed to have to perform this action. Swiftly he walked out to the bathroom, past the corridors, ran down the stairs, and finally reached the central courtyard.

And there she was, sitting on a bench at the far end of that courtyard. She wasn't looking at him, instead, she was looking upward toward the sky – it was almost as if she was waiting for the skies to open, and snow to fall.

Without wasting any chance, Jean drew in a deep breath and called.

"Mikasa!"

The girl turned to him.

"Jean?" she said, sounding both surprised and confused. He knew why she was behaving that way, of course. He would have to explain it to her.

"Ishijima told me you'd be here."

"Ayako..?" for a moment Mikasa seemed to be processing the fact, until she connected the dots together, and a hint of understanding finally passed on her face.

"She set me up, didn't she?" Mikasa asked, and Jean nodded, looking a bit guilty. "Yeah… I kinda… asked her a favor," he rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. "Sorry for that."

Mikasa drew a long sigh and shifted uncomfortably on the bench, deliberately not looking at the boy standing before him. This air, this awkwardness and tension between them… she knew where this was going and she didn't like it. Damn it, Ayako. Why would she set her up like this? She already knew what's going to happen anyway.

"I just… I have something to say to you," she heard Jean say, and suddenly, her chest seemed to weigh a ton. She drew in another long, deep sigh and closed her eyes.

This was exactly the roots of all trouble, the beginning of it all. All the hurricane that seemed to turn her school life upside down had started from here. It was so simple really, just one event, and one wrong decision from her side.

But that one decision had branched into another mistake, and then another one, and… soon it had developed into a web caused by her series of bad decisions that slowly entangled her and trapped her inside. If there was one thing she did not understand back then when she rejected Jean, it's the fact that what happened between two persons were never only about the two of them.

She had thought that what happened between her and Jean was a matter between them both – but it was a clear mistake. It was not, and it never was. There will always be something, someone else – be it Nanako or other people, who were just as interested, as invested emotionally as both of them –in that relationship. These people's feelings would then become intricated, tangled, and as a result – all the emotions came together to cause complications that happened down the road. She was never an expert in interpersonal relationship – she didn't quite know how to deal with human emotions. A single mistake could cause a whole lot of chain reaction, which triggered the other events. But deep down, she might have known that this was an event that was bound to happen. Sh was going to have to face this, no matter what road she chose.

Slowly, slowly, she opened her eyes again to look at Jean. It took almost all of her to not run away from the spot. Jean looked conflicted, there was a lot of emotions on his face that she couldn't name. For a while, she thought of a way she should end this, in the least painful way possible, but then there was something on his eyes that just left her in a quiet reservation.

His sharp golden eyes spoke neither of hope nor anticipation. Those eyes just spoke of sorrow. They spoke of defeat. Somehow, it was the only emotion that kept her grounded. And in the next moment, she regained her senses back.

"What is it you wanted to tell me?" she asked.

She knew what was coming, she knew she might make another mistake here – just as that time when she rejected Jean but said that they could still be friends, when she accepted his invite but stood him up on their dates, twice – and when she decided to tell Nanako that she knew her feelings for Jean. She knew, and she wanted to offer her support, but Nanako just so mercilessly slapped her hands away, before proceeding to shatter their friendship to pieces. She had made countless mistakes back then – what would happen this time if she made yet another bad decision? When the inevitable happens, what then?

"I want you to know that I've given up on you."

Jean's words prompted Mikasa to look at him in surprise. There was a long silence when she gathered her thoughts, but Jean didn't interrupt her. He was looking at her, but he didn't say anything.

"What?" she opened her mouth, but that was all she could say.

"I give up," Jean repeated. "I give up chasing you, on liking you. I give up trying to make you look at me. I realize… that I am mighty stubborn at times. But I really… I want you to know that… it all ends today. I'm sorry if I ever made you feel uncomfortable before. Sometimes… I just cannot help it. I couldn't control my feelings and I caused you trouble. I'm sorry."

"You don't need to be sorry," she said before she could stop herself. "Jean, you're not at fault. I'm –"

"No, listen to me, Mikasa," he interrupted her gently, and she was silent, only her eyes imploring him to go on.

"I know I haven't got a fair chance on you. Even before Yeager came in… before all this shitstorm happened… I told you how I felt already but I got rejected. I should have given up then but I was too stubborn… I couldn't accept defeat, especially, my pride wouldn't allow me to give in. So… I kept going, over and over to chase you. I did like you but at some point…," he paused. "I realized, it might have been more about my pride than my feelings toward you."

His sorrow was replaced by something else now, a quiet, more subtle emotion. It was resignation.

"So… that's why I'm here today. To admit my defeat. Like I said… it all ends today."

"Jean…," she started, but then stopped. She didn't know what to say. She surely didn't expect any of this, but she was even more surprised that Jean would admit that the real reason he kept chasing her was because he didn't want to lose… because of his pride. For a while, she wanted to say sorry – sorry for all the things she did to him, for rejecting him and getting him entangled in her mess… It was almost at the tip of her tongue, but then, another word came up.

"Thank you, Jean," she said quietly. She could see his eyes widened in surprise. "For telling me this," she elaborated. "Thank you."

There was a speck of relief in his eyes. He was not sure how he expected her to take this – to be honest, he was actually prepared for feeling even worse, to admit a crushing defeat, but her words of gratitude set a huge burden off his chest.

"Well I guess…," he said to fill in the long stretch of uneasy silence between them, "I guess I should… thank you too." He shot her an awkward smile, which she returned just as nervously. Again, she heaved a deep sigh, and shot an upward glance.

"It's too cold here, we should –" but at that time, something caught her attention.

"It's blooming," she said almost in a whisper.

"Pardon?" asked Jean, clearly not following her. She pointed upwards, toward the tree branches that stretched above the park bench she had sat on earlier. "The flowers," she said. He followed her finger, and immediately understood what she meant.

When he found her earlier, she wasn't looking at the sky. She wasn't expecting the sky to open, or a heavy snowfall. She was probably looking upwards at these.

"Plum blossom," the said both in unison, and stared at each other in surprise.

"You didn't strike me as someone who knew about flowers," she commented, her surprised expression had changed into a somewhat soft smile.

"I guess… there are some things you might not know about me," Jean shrugged and answered rather bashfully. "I can see why you are excited, though," he shot an upwards glace again at the plum blossom buds, which had begun to blossom silently in the cold weather. "It takes a while for them to bloom this year."

"They bloom in the most adverse weather," he heard her say. "In the coldest winter climate – they survive and blossom. Don't you think it's amazing?" He stared at her face, which had softened considerably. She was still silently admiring the early blooms. He could sense a somewhat deeper meaning behind her words, but he couldn't dare to probe.

"I agree," he said finally. "People say flowers are weak because they live only for a short while, but for sure they're stronger than us. I mean… look at us now." He suddenly realized that he had been shivering. It was damn cold. "Listen, it's been a good talk, but we should probably go inside, yeah? Let's not catch cold."

Mikasa laughed. It was probably the first time ever that Jean was able to make her laugh, and he was taken aback.

"You were the one who asked to meet me here," she said. "Idiot."

Wow. That's two times she made him surprised today. The entire time he knew her, she never used any kind of bad words, even those that people normally considered as mild profanities.

"You have changed," he commented. Only after seeing her look of surprise did he realize that he had been saying it out loud… yet again. He covered his mouth in embarrassment. Him and his big mouth. One of these days, he should really learn to control it. But since he already said it anyway….

"Is it Yeager?" he asked. For a long while, Mikasa didn't speak. Her hand jumped to the red scarf she always had around her neck. It was just lately that she began wearing it, Jean had never seen her with it earlier, and yet, these days she was almost never seen without it. Mikasa tightened the scarf nervously, burying her lower face in it. Jean could still see her face glowing with hint of scarlet. Her reaction had said it all.

"Alright, I won't ask again," he said, sounding resigned. He was somewhat satisfied to have found his answer, though it did hurt a bit. But he had known this for a long while, so what difference did it make? He considered her again carefully, and speak, from the bottom of his heart this time.

"You look happier these days, Mikasa. I'm happy for you."

Beneath her scarf, Mikasa silently thanked him with a grateful smile.

***

"So? How did it go?" Jean just slipped his uniform open to change it with a T-shirt for a drama club practice, when a voice made him turn.

"Ishijima!" he yelled. "This is boys' locker room."

"You know no one cares about that rule," said Ayako, walking leisurely toward him and sitting on the bench nearby. "What did Mikasa say?"

"No – still, this is invasion of privacy, you know."

"What did Mikasa say?" Ayako asked again, more urge in her voice this time. Jean sighed.

"What else could she say? And just so you know, I did not confess. I went there to tell her that I'd give up on chasing her."

"Oh –" this came as a surprise to Ayako. Then, after a slight pause, "Jean… I'm so sorry."

"Don't be – it was my decision." He finished putting on a T-shirt and closed his locker with a clank. "And if anything… I was wrong about her." Ayako looked curious at this statement.

"About what?"

"Well," Jean sent her a sideways glance before continuing. "How should I say it… I think she's changed. The old Mikasa that I knew… she was beautiful but so cold, you know? It was like she never had life instilled in her. But these days, she's more… lively. I mean.. she called me an idiot for having her to meet me outside in the cold." Ayako burst out laughing.

"You probably deserved," she said. "Were you surprised?"

"Took the life out of me," Jean replied sarcastically. "It was Yeager after all… right?" he directed this question at Ayako, who only replied with a discreet smile.

"So you don't want to answer too? Damn it," Jean sighed. "Anyway, I'm over her now, I just wish her plenty of happiness." He shrugged, and began to walk toward the exit.

"You know, Jean..," he could hear Ayako call him from behind, but his words exploded before he could help it.

"I know… I sound like a loser, don't I?"

I wish you plenty of happiness was a bunch of bullshit. It took him a lot of courage to say that. To swallow his own pride, his own feelings for her, and to admit that he would bow out gracefully and declare defeat. It was a defining moment where he decided that he should never look at her again with a different feeling other than friends.

And still, in that damn little corner of his mind, there was a small voice that never wanted to shut up.

I wish you all the happiness. But when will I get my own happiness?

"Don't say that," said Ayako, rising up from the bench. She walked nearer to him, and sent a gentle squeeze on his arm. "How about… a consolation date?"

Jean turned, and regarded the brown-haired girl with a surprised look.

"What?"

"I'm free this Saturday," she said playfully. "So… let's have a date." Jean blinked a few times.

"Are you… are you joking, or…?"

"Really…. Are you seriously going to hurt a girl's feelings after I ask you out like this?" Ayako crossed her arms in front of her chest. "Are you free this Saturday, or not?"

"I –" It took a while for Jean to process her question. She really was serious.

"Of course. I'm free," he finally relented.

"Great!" she broke into a smile, and Jean was taken aback. For a split second, with smile lighting up her face, Ayako did look positively lovely. "Let's decide where to go later after practice then. See you!"

And with that, she trotted out of the locker room, leaving Jean in stunned silence.

- Winter Flower: Camellia -

"You can't do this," Ymir said, half in desperation, as she stared to the person standing in front of her – who returned her plea with a very cold expression.

"I'm sorry."

"No!" Ymir screamed. "What are you saying… you can't just – up and fire someone like that, you know? I'm – I'm the longest employed staff here, I never come late to work, never caused any trouble, why… why are you doing this?"

"Like I said," the staff who stood before her repeated with the same cold, bored expression. "This is boss's decision."

"Then let me talk to boss!"

"No use. That's why he wanted me to talk to you instead."

Ymir clenched her fists, her breath hitched up her throat in frustration. "I've got bills to pay, Takagi-san," she said, trying to keep her voice down, "You know I live alone, you know how my situation is, right? The boss knows too! Why are you doing this to me?"

"Business isn't exactly easy these days," Takagi replied with a sour smile.

"And so is my life!" Ymir's voice rose again. "If you fire me, I won't have any source of income, how… how am I supposed to live?" she clutched the front of her shirt, trying very hard to keep her emotions in check. "Are you telling me to go out there and die, Takagi-san?"

"Enough!" Takagi raised his voice too now. "The boss has already done enough for you, Ymir! Don't you realize it? We're employing an underage kid here, in a bar! We falsified your age and thanks to the boss, we never got discovered though we've come pretty close to it many, many times! Who do you think covered for your ass all those times?" Ymir looked away in guilt. It was true, the boss was the only one who took her in and employed her here despite her being underage after hearing about her situation. Thanks to that, she was able to cover for her rent, bills, and tuition for school. If not for the boss' kindness, she would be wasting away out there in the street since a long time ago.

"You should be in the social service, not here," Takagi told her, and Ymir eyed him with deep resentment. "I'm saying the truth," he said, not wavering under Ymir's look of profound distaste. You are underage, you are still in school. You shouldn't be working here. After shift is over today, pack your things." Ymir didn't say anything, she only looked down with her fists still clenched. Takagi sighed, then slowly put his arms on Ymir's shoulders.

"You need to be where you belong, Ymir."

She shook his hands away. "What do you know about where I belong?" She shot back sharply, her eyes glistened of fury, but also of tears. "In the end, you're just trying to make yourself feel good about this decision, aren't you? You kicked me out, and now I won't have money to survive! What a bunch of bullshit, saying you do this for my sake!" she shouted bitterly, and slammed her fist to her locker door in her anger outburst. She ignored Takagi's hurtful and surprised expression. Why was he the one acting like he's hurt – when clearly she was the one being kicked out here?

"If you want me out, fine! I don't need until the end of this shift. I'll get out now!" She grabbed her bag and her coat, and dashed to the exit, eyes blinded by tears. She felt angry, but more than that – she felt miserable. Once again, someone she thought she knew had betrayed her trust. Once again, she was left with no place in this world.

***

A sound of broken glass from her sister's room alarmed Frieda Reiss. She ran upstairs, and immediately knocked on her bedroom door.

"Historia?" she asked worriedly, "What happened? Are you alright?" after a few seconds of tense silence, she was relieved to finally hear her sister reply.

"Yes… I'm fine."

Her voice sounded a bit shaky and Frieda raised her eyebrows, looking unconvinced.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes… I'm sorry, I'm just a little bit tired. I knocked over the cup when I was moving some stuff," she answered again. Then, after a slight pause, "I'll clean this up immediately and go to sleep, I'm sorry…"

"That's fine," Frieda said. "Do you need any help?"

"No… I'm alright. Thank you," she said politely.

"If you say so," Frieda said, and she began to walk away from her sister's door. Inside, Historia waited until she heard her sister's footsteps going away down the stairs, then sighed in relief. Hurriedly, she gazed down to the letter in her hand. It looked like an ordinary, simple letter. The envelope had an ivory hue, the thickness indicated that it was of good quality. It might have passed for a wedding invitation, had it not been for the wax seal on the front of the envelope bearing an intricate capital letter 'R'. Once Historia saw the wax symbol, she knew who that letter was from, and that's practically why she dropped the cup she was holding on the other hand.

She glanced at the sender's name scribbled on the bottom right of the envelope, her heart racing when she saw the name.

Rod Reiss.

- Snow Flower -

Armin lay on his bed, his hair still damp from shower, carefully holding up the ring he just found back in the afternoon between the thumb and index finger of his right hand.

Annie.

He knew he had heard that name somewhere. He tried racking his brain, tried searching the internet for it – for an Annie that lived in Shiganshina, but there were too many results that he couldn't possibly dig in one by one.

Was he behaving stupid right now? What if the owner was frantically searching for her lost ring? Why didn't he just turn it in to the police station?

Maybe tomorrow I should just wait for the owner to show up near the place I found this ring, Armin thought. She will show up, and I can tell her I found this yesterday and decided to keep it.

Armin didn't know when he fell asleep. He was pretty tired, he didn't even wake up when his grandfather knocked on his door, found his grandson fast asleep, then turned off the lamp. However, just a few hours after, he suddenly he found himself wide awake. He didn't know exactly what woke him up. Floating between his consciousness, he sent a quick glance at the bedside table, and found that it was past 2 in the morning. Armin lay back down and tried to go back to sleep, but suddenly, a strange voice was ringing on his ears.

Annie… what are you doing here?

Eren's voice. Where did he her it before?

Armin tried to focus. Then, the memories came to him all at once.

That breezy autumn day in October, when Eren had just moved to Shiganshina North High, Armin had walked to the school front gate and found a female student waiting for Eren. Blonde hair, icy blue eyes, pale face as pretty as an ocean in winter. She gave him chills when she spoke.

Her name was… Annie.

***

"No."

"Please, please please… can we just ride the Takabisha one more time?"

"Hell no! My life was flashing before my eyes during that ride, you know?"

"Exactly! That's why it's so fun, right?"

"Stop it."

"Oh come on… just once? After the steep drop it wasn't too bad."

Jean regarded the girl standing before him, who was practically bubbling with excitement, jumping up and down, trying to get him to ride the Takabisha one more time with her. He sighed, then sent a dark look over the towering figure of that coaster, which rose straight up toward the sky from the ground level to 43 meters in height. Why would anyone design something so incredibly evil, Jean would never know. Not only it was high, they had to drop the coaster from 42 meters high in a world-record steepest angle of 121 degrees, took them through multiple twists and turns, going from 0 to 100 km per hours in only 2 seconds, before finally stopping in the finish line. It was only roughly a minute ride, but it was enough to scar Jean for a lifetime. He could painfully feel all the regrets in life coming back to him during the ride – and couldn't be more relieved when it was over.

But Ayako seemed to think otherwise. When she said she wanted to go on the ride again, Jean was struck with horror.

"Must you really pick something so scary?" he asked miserably. "Why can't we… have some normal rides or just…"

"Then how about the Haunted House?" she asked, and Jean's heart sunk. This park's haunted house was famous as a labyrinth modelled after some old, abandoned asylum, in which the visitors were responsible to find their own way out, with no guarantee what kind of ghosts or terrors they would encounter on the way. It was a gigantic attraction, and some visitors even couldn't find the way out for hours.

Something about the combination of being stuck for hours in a dark, scary place, modelled after some abandoned mental hospital really didn't have Jean running enthusiastically for it. No, he didn't even want to go inside, if he could. He sighed.

"Why don't we… just sit here, okay? I'll buy us some coffee." He motioned to a bench near them, and was relieved when Ayako finally nodded okay. "Latte for me," she said, and Jean nodded, quickly making his way to the nearest coffee shop before she changed her mind again and try to get him on another scary ride.

He had known that Ayako was pretty energetic and all, she was always such a contrast to Mikasa's calm and collected demeanor. When she suggested they should have their date at an amusement park, he agreed, thinking that it was a mighty fitting place for her. What he didn't know was – how much she was into scary rides and horror stuff. She breezed through all the stuff like it was nothing, enjoying them even, while he could barely even stomach it. After a drop tower ride, a 360-degree vertical rotation, a pirate ship, and finally, the infamous Takabisha which gave his stomach a dangerous turn he was almost sure he'd throw up his lunch – Ayako asked him to get on the ride one more time with such glimmer in her eyes like she'd just experienced her dream of a lifetime coming true, while he felt like he was on the verge of death.

He couldn't believe her.

Thankfully she agreed on his idea to sit down over a cup of coffee. He would have to think what he'd say to her later when they started moving again, though. Why can't they ride something that will plant their feet on the ground, for once? Jean was determined to not go to another coaster or a haunted house.

"Thank you," she said enthusiastically, retrieving her cup of hot latte from Jean, who proceeded to sit beside her.

"This park is so fun!" she commented. "I'm glad you found it so," Jean muttered darkly. He gazed down at the cup of hot americano he held in his left hand, slightly slouching with both elbows resting on his thighs. His dark tone didn't escape her attention. She raised her eyebrows, then, after a few moments of studying the boy in silence, she spoke.

"You were really scared, weren't you?"

Jean turned to face her. She sounded curious, but he saw a look of genuine concern in her face. He had to turn away quickly then, for the sight of her bright hazel eyes and blossoming pink cheeks were suddenly too much for him to bear.

"I'm sorry. I got too overexcited."

He heard her speak, and he blinked. Ayako looked a bit sheepish. "I was so excited to finally come here – I wanted to try everything so I just dragged you without thinking. I'm sorry… I was inconsiderate."

"No, don't apologize," Jean cut in quickly, as he felt his guilt sank in. "I mean I – I should be the one to…" he stuttered out, feeling devastated at her words. He couldn't help but mentally slap himself. Damn it! What kind of guy was he? Why couldn't he have handled a few scary rides? She was having so much fun, and he completely ruined it for her.

"There's a reason I want to go here, you know," she said, playing with the latte cup in her hands. It's… um… but, promise you're not gonna be mad?" she eyed him with a look, and he, feeling curiosity had taken over him, simply nodded.

"It's that… extreme rides trigger an experience that releases adrenaline. And Adrenaline helps you forget the bad things easier," she said, and he frowned, not quite getting what she meant.

"Oh God, you are so slow," she laughed, half in desperation. "I want you to have a good time. I want you to make good memories. I thought after everything that's happened… you would need to unwind, relax, and release the tension. That's why… that's why I chose this place. But to be honest, I didn't know you would be scared instead," she twirled her brown locks in her hand, looking somewhat guilty. "Sorry."

"No," Jean started. He didn't know why she would say sorry – he should be sorry instead, for ruining the experience for her, after everything she did to cheer him up. He felt so stupid.

"It takes a while to get used to, these things," she said, and Jean blinked.

"Roller coasters?"

"No, you silly," she laughed. "Moving on from someone you loved."

Her words were met with a stunned silence. She gave out a sigh.

"It's not like it is something that can happen overnight," she said. "People talk as if it's an easy thing to do – but it's not. That's why you shouldn't worry. Just take your own pace, do one thing at a time. And slowly, slowly you will heal." She smiled. "You have to."

He couldn't bring himself to say anything to her. He'd had this thought a few times about Ayako, but it was always just a fleeting thought. After all, he was always too busy paying attention to Mikasa that he never had eyes for anything else. Despite being in the same club, Jean never even had a proper time to converse with her. It was as though this was the first time Jean had really ever seen her. He knew Ayako mostly from the school rumors, she was pretty, goes to blind-date a lot, easy to get laid with and would probably do it for money. She's an easy-win, that's how guys would often call her. There were still various other names that people used to describe her. But it never really captured the essence of her as a person, and this was the first time Jean realized that Ayako, despite everything else that people might call her, really could be considered quite mature and thoughtful for her age.

"It's nice," he said finally, with a relieved smile.

"What is?" she sent him a curious glance, looking at him through the brim of the latte cup, which she was drinking to fill in the empty silence.

"Discovering a new side of someone we thought we knew." This time it was her turn to not follow his words.

"Sorry?"

"I'm talking about you," he said quite humorously. "Ishijima."

"Oh, just drop the formalities," she said. "You can call me Ayako."

"Ayako," he liked the way that name rolled off his tongue.

"Jean," she replied. They looked at each other for a few stunned seconds, then, a hint of smile began to form at the corner of her lips. He didn't know why, but he suddenly found this hilarious also. As he mirrored her expression, his eyes lit up. And the next second, they both burst into laughter.

***

It's not here. It's not here. It's not here

Annie was searching frantically, retracing her steps back from yesterday, turning every stone, every nook and cranny, but still she couldn't find it.

Her ring was gone.

She clutched at her chest with devastation. She had always worn the ring every day, dangling it on a silver chain around her neck, but yesterday, the chain was broken, and she only realized she had lost her ring when she arrived home.

She couldn't sleep that night and couldn't pay attention at all to school the day after. When the fourth period bell rang, she slipped out of class and retraced her steps back, from the train station to the streets she walked to the places she visited, but none of them resulted in any good news. It was almost hopeless, she knew. But she couldn't give up.

She let fatigue overtake her when she finally rested a bit on the way uphill to Shiganshina North High. She was here yesterday, looking for Eren, but she couldn't meet him. She leaned back against the stone wall on the side of the street and slowly sank down, crouching. The cold of winter was biting her cheeks. She was exhausted. She covered her tired eyes with both her hands, sighing in frustration. What would happen if she didn't find that ring? She didn't want to think. She had to find it… she had to. It was the only memento she had left from her father, from their earlier years together.

From their happier years.

"Excuse me," a voice came up, and she burrowed her face deeper in her hands, hoping it would go away.

"Excuse me," the voice repeated, and she ignored it even further. This voice was quite persistent, so annoying….

"Annie," now the voice called her name, and she immediately looked up. A pair of big, blue orbs were staring back at her, those belonging to a boy of her age. Blonde hair was framing his face, and he looked concerned, but relieved. Annie frowned. She remembered him.

"You are Eren's friend," she said, almost matter-of-factly. "How did you know my name?"

"About that…," the boy reached out to his trousers' pocket, and brought out something inside his fist. Slowly, he opened his hand in front of Annie, revealing the object he was holding. The girl immediately let out a gasp, and covered her mouth.

"It's yours… right? I found it yesterday."

She stretched out her trembling hand to pick up her ring from Armin's hand, her breath seemed like it had stopped in her throat all the while. She had almost given up all hope to find it, but here it was now, by some kind of miracle, this boy had somehow returned this ring to her.

She clutched the ring tightly inside her hands and brought it in front of her chest, closing her eyelids so hard and drew in a deep breath to stop tears from pouring out.

"I thought… it might be an important thing for you. That's why I didn't give it to the police," she heard his soft voice, and she slowly looked up again. She was too relieved in finding her ring back, she'd forgotten to even thank him.

"Thank you," she said, genuinely. For a while, her never-ending cold expression was replaced with a smile, which Armin regarded with surprise. She looked completely different when she smiled. And if her frosty eyes were filled with some kind of cool animosity toward him before, now it was more of a quiet, yet still distant, acknowledgement of him.

"You are welcome," said Armin. He returned the girl's smile with a speck of relief. "I'm glad."

She looked surprised. "For what?" she asked.

"Ah, well… I'm just thinking….," Armin paused. Should he say it? But he's rarely ever going to see her anyway, so… might as well take his chance now.

"I just think… you look really nice when you smile."

She looked surprised, but, Armin noted in huge relief, not in a bad way. It seemed she was taken aback at his comment, but it's not in any way unwelcome for her. She stared at him for a few long seconds, before asking.

"What's your name?"

"Armin. Armin Arlelt."

She seemed to think for a while, then…

"If there is anything I can do to thank you, let me know. I'll do it if I can."

Armin hesitated for a while. "There is… one thing I would like to ask then," he said.

"Yes?"

"Do you mind… do you mind to give me your number?"

- Blue Side -

"An Instax?"

"This kind of thing is all over the social media lately. Gives you the kind of retro feels," Armin showed up his brand-new polaroid camera to Mikasa. He had got an Instax Mini 90, a nice and compact polaroid camera with well-polished black faux leather and silver metal body, which, like Armin said, completely gave Mikasa retro vibes.

"Can I try it? I promise not to waste any films," she asked, and he smiled.

"Don't have to worry about it," Armin handed the camera over to her, and she pointed the camera to his direction, capturing him in the viewfinder window.

"Okay, smile," she said. Armin gave her a huge grin, then she clicked.

The camera produced a whirring noise, then the film came out, still looking like a blank piece of paper.

"It's going to take a while to develop," Armin said and she nodded, setting it aside.

"Eren!" she called out to the other boy, now pointing the camera to him. "Look here."

"What?" Eren was laying on his back on a wide space near the window sill, playing with the basket ball that he had somehow snuck out from the sports warehouse. He threw the ball upwards into the air, and caught it as it came back down, sometimes twirling it on the tip of his index finger. He didn't seem to be paying attention to Mikasa or Armin.

"You're going to break something in this lab with that ball soon, I just know it," said Mikasa.

He grinned. "You wish," he said, and continued to bounce the ball upward and caught it mid-air.

"When that happens, I'm not gonna cover up for you, by the way."

"Me either," Armin chimed in.

"Well, why should we meet up in a science lab anyway?" he protested. "There are other safer places I'm sure. Somewhere we're not at risk of breaking things."

"We are not at any risk of breaking things, mind you."

"Yeah, only you are, Eren."

"Also, everywhere else is full. The third years are having their cram period before the exam so we can't use the classrooms. And the home economics lab is locked cause some students from first year blew up a fuse during their cooking practice today."

"Sounds lovely," Eren commented.

"Hold that pose," said Mikasa finally, when Eren just caught the ball for what must have been the hundredth time. He looked at her, questioning, but she already clicked the camera shutter quickly. She pulled out the polaroid film, and set it aside with Armin's, which had turned out nicely.

"Nice lighting," Armin commented. "Nice use of the window light there, Mikasa."

"I'm bored," Eren interjected, finally rising from his place. "Isn't there something we can do?"

"I don't know about you – but I'm broke," said Armin. "Spent all my allowance to buy this camera."

"I don't have that much too," Mikasa commented. "Have to last until the end of the week with what little I got left."

"How much does everyone have?" said Eren. "Let's put them together."

Armin and Mikasa sent a sideways look, but they grabbed their wallets anyway to pull out their remaining pocket money. They didn't have much indeed.

"We can't go very far with these," said Eren, thinking.

"Told you."

"How about just going to that convenience store down the road to grab some cup noodles and hot coffee?" Armin said, and Mikasa was about to agree with his idea, when Eren suddenly cut in.

"No wait… I got a better idea."

***

"Whose brilliant idea was this to go to the ocean in winter?" Mikasa protested through her chattering teeth.

"Shut up, you already agreed to it anyway, so don't protest!" Eren shot back, annoyed.

The three of them now stood on Shiganshina's open coast, having just exited the bus that took them to this place. The bus driver sent them a look as if they were crazy for going to the ocean in this weather, and Mikasa definitely had to agree.

They set out on the descending staircase that brought them all the way to the beach, the freezing wind blew mercilessly all the while, cutting through their skin, and sending chills all the way down to their bones. Mikasa's hair was blown away by the fearless wind, hopelessly tangled now in all direction. Half of her regretted going here, but she knew anyway Eren wouldn't have let her say no to his plans. She had no choice but to go along with him. Once they had descended all the way to the bottom, she began taking out her socks and shoes, while Eren and Armin sent her a look.

"Might as well," she tried to bite back the cold that seemed to seep through her bones. "Go all the way now that we're here."

She put away her bag, socks and shoes, then ran bare-footed toward the ocean to catch the waves. She winced when her toes came into contact with the waves.

"Cold!" she muttered. "Eren, Armin, come on," she waved at them. "Let's have a contest to see who can last longer in these cold waves!"

Eren already took off his shoes and socks and was now running to catch her. Armin was worried about catching a cold, although he couldn't help but follow in his friends' footsteps.

"Shoot! It's so damn cold!" Eren shivered as he stood now with his feet planted in the sand, waves sweeping freely at his feet. Mikasa, who noticed the close distance between them, quietly bent down, scooped a handful of water, and splashed it at him.

"Ouch! Hey, Mikasa? What the hell?"

"That's for making us going to the ocean in winter," she said, her eyes glinting humorously. Then, she ran away before Eren could have got back at her, smiling as she heard his frustrated groan. From the reverberating sounds of footsteps though, she knew that Eren was chasing after her. He could try – he'd run a marathon before she ever let him catch her. Knowing that it was futile, Eren soon stopped his attempt. He paused to catch his breath. Mikasa wasn't called the fastest runner in class for nothing, after all.

"Eren, Mikasa!" Armin called, waving his hand to both of them. He was standing a little way up, closer to the staircase, where waves wouldn't reach him. "Get here, I'm taking your picture." He had his polaroid camera ready in hand.

Mikasa came close, still slightly wary of Eren, wondering if the boy would somehow try to use this chance get back at her. Eren noticed her, then held up a 'peace' sign.

"Let's call it a truce," he said. She frowned. She couldn't trust him at all.

"Get closer!" Armin shouted over the sound of the wind and waves crashing, "You're not even on one frame!"

So – after sending quick glances toward one another, they began to walk closer, and stood side by side. Armin peeked through the viewfinder, and gave a frustrated groan.

"You guys look like an old married couple who's fighting and haven't said anything to each other in weeks," Armin said. "Can't you just be a little more… peaceful?"

At this, Mikasa felt Eren's right hand circled down her waist. Before she had a chance to react, he had jerked her closer, and now they stood side by side without distance, his chest to her back.

"Now?" he asked Armin, almost as calmly as if they were making a commemorative class photograph. Her breath seemed to have stopped in her chest. She opened her mouth to protest, but he cut in.

"Be quiet," he said, locking his eyes with hers with an obvious grin, "Or else I'll kiss."

She could feel the heat radiating from her face upon hearing those words. God – surely this was his way of getting back at her. Despite how they were behaving in private, he knew how reserved she was when they were in front of others – even if that someone other happened to be Armin. She couldn't find any retort to give him, so she just stayed silent and looked down, until Armin shouted at her to look at the camera.

"Much better," Armin grinned in satisfaction, when she finally did. He clicked the shutter before Mikasa could say anything else, and soon he had flicked the undeveloped film inside his hand. He felt rather amused. Just because he knew what's going on between them – didn't mean he shouldn't give them a tease.

He was about to go up to retrieve more polaroid films from his bag, when he suddenly heard a scream from behind him. Alarmed, he quickly looked back. Apparently, Eren had been successful in getting back at Mikasa by splashing her with a handful of cold, freezing water. And now he's got a very angry Mikasa chasing after him. Armin sighed, and continued his climb. He will not be responsible if both of them catch colds tomorrow.

[miekasa]

do share your thoughts on the SnK final chapter and ending if you read it! <3

OKAY!! Here are just some of my thoughts, none of which are uniform lmaooo and are subject to change if I think about it long enough <22 lots of stuff I haven’t completely figured out or reconciled with yet, but here we go 

Eren’s death

I wanted him to die, and one way or another, he was destined to die; so this is kind of the ending I asked for. 

I wanted him to die for a few reasons, most of which revolve around my desire for him to finally rest and not have to shoulder all the burdens that have been put on him for any longer. So, his death definitely did that for me, and I wouldn’t change it. 

BUT it was heartbreaking to see that, for once, he genuinely did not want to die, and wanted to have time to spend with Mikasa after everything. Eren has asked to die multiple times in the past, and his death was inevitable at some point in time; so to see that in his final moments, he finally said/realized he didn’t want to go made it so bittersweet. 

The thing I’m happiest about the most is that he achieved his original goal: to kill all the titans. As a titan himself, he was always a part of that plan, so, again I’m okay with his death. But it’s a twisted, beautiful sort of tragedy that in wanting to kill himself to achieve his dream, he found a sense of personhood that made him think life was worth living [even if his goal wasn’t achieved]. 

Another important reason I believed he needed to/should have died is because I didn’t want him to have to suffer at the hands of any other government or empire again. Even if none of the shit with Marley or the other nations happened, and he found away to “free” everyone without murder, the government of Paradis wouldn’t have trusted him. They never really did. 

Eren has been locked up and/or under constant supervision since he was 15. And when he wasn’t, it’s because he was kidnapped and somebody else was preying on his death. Even when he desperately pleaded to help and showed that he wanted to use his titan to help, he was treated like a criminal, and less than human.

You can’t... you can’t treat a kid like that and expect him to turn out normal 😭😭 or to not want to go to extremes, or to become a pacifist, or to spinelessly hand over his own life and ambitions. (Honestly... think he should have started with murking a few people in Wall Sina, but whatever 🙄)

This is all to say, that if he continued to live, free of the 13 year curse, he wouldn’t have been free in any nation. He probably would have been executed, or at the very least, locked up until he died. So, I’m happy that he was able to die at his own hand (and Mikasa’s, too). 

Eren’s character

I obviously still love his character, and I don’t think his actions in the final season ruined him for way. There’s a lot to come to terms with, but I like that about him. I’ll work through all the details one day, and I’m okay with that. In fact, I don’t think Eren even ever got the chance to figure himself out independent of his titan.

His secret keeping was questionable, but not out of character. He’s always ruminated until he figures something out, or gets stuck and needs help—he’s always had the whole thing about doing everything on his own. 

Until that one conversation with him, Mikasa, and Armin after the fight with Jean in s3. I’d always read that as him beginning to understand that he didn’t have to everything on his own, and that he was going to be relying on his friends from thereon out. But, sometimes, I feel like that realization got erased...? I don’t know, maybe the more I think about it, the more it’ll make sense, but that’s one part I’m still working through. 

The only other thing I didn’t understand is how he got so smart LMAOOO. His plan and actions required quite a bit of thought, foresight, and sacrifice that he’s never really shown before; at least not to this degree. Like I said though, if you factor in how his was treated, and how his life always had an expiration date, it begins to make sense why he was so quick and insistent to act, so it’s not completely out of left field for me—and I could even make the argument that he wasn’t really that smart and was just as impulsive (ish) and hot-headed as he’s always been; but like I said, I’m still figuring it out. Not sure what it was that awakened his braincells but I’ll get there LMAOOO

Eren + Mikasa

Fuck y’all I like Eremika goodnight. I can’t help it, I’m a simple bitch: I see childhood friends to lovers, and I fold. You should too smh.

I... don’t think the little cottagecore timeline from 138 was out of character for either of them. I see the arguments that it was, and that’s cool, but I see it as something very real and plausible. 

Eren showed that he did all of this to ensure that even if he couldn’t bring peace to the whole world, at the very least, he could do his best to make sure his friends live long, happy lives. An alternate way for that would have been to give Mikasa the opportunity to spend his remaining years with him. 

Eren has always done his best Mikasa and Armin, even if his methods seemed harsh or apathetic. The way I see it, running away with Mikasa in his final year is not only becoming and telling of the kind of friend/person his is, but it would have been his way to atone for being an idiot and not acting upon his feelings [in a more traditional sense] earlier.

He knew either way it was too late, but he also knew that he owed her—and himself—even a piece of peace before it all ended, whichever way it was going to end. And I think that’s a part of Eren’s character that’s often overlooked. 

Mikasa’s ending

I think that Eren ultimately killed himself, but it’s undeniable that Mikasa helped, and I’m glad she did. If Eren was going to die by anybody’s hands, I wanted it to be Mikasa’s or Levi’s. 

I think Levi would have been symbolic, given his speech in the courtroom in s1, about how killing Eren is the best he could do, and that there was no in-between. But I’m happy with Mikasa doing it too, because, in a way, I think she ended up being able to do the one thing Levi didn’t have the physical strength left to do. I also like it as far as Mikasa’s relationship with Levi goes; she kind of becomes him in this complicated way, and it shows how far they’ve come in terms of trust. They’re a pretty good team. 

I don’t see why anyone would give her shit for sitting at Eren’s gravestone. It had been only three years since he died, and regardless of the amount of time that had passed, if it was the anniversary of his death, that’s a perfectly normal thing to do...? So many people hate her for being in love Eren and I don’t get it. She’s just mourning, and she’s well within her rights to do so. 

Actually, I think that Mikasa being shown to have loved and mourned for Eren so outwardly were the most profound displays of bravery in this whole series. 

It takes so much courage to love, especially in her world, but Mikasa has never shied away from it. I would even go so far as to argue that she is the character with the strongest sense of self and self-worth. I don’t think people realize how much it takes to know anything about yourself that assuredly—so many characters are left with unanswered questions about their world, themselves, and their place in it—but Mikasa has always known that she loves Eren. 

That’s an insanely hard thing to know and to do. And she wasn’t blind about it either, nor did she believe her love was unconditional (and if she gets shit for having hope for Eren, then so should Armin, but we know why he doesn’t get the same heat for it). She heard out the concerns of her friends, she let go of the scarf, and she killed him in the end. 

I would have liked to see her talk to Kiyoomi again, and perhaps see her being associated with that nation/country/whatever it was. But she’s still thee baddest bitch and the best girl. 

Levi

WE IN THIS BITCH!! WE ABSOLUTELY IN THIS BITCH!! 

ROUND OF APPLAUSE LADIES AND GAYS AND THEYS FOR THE MAN, THE MYTH, THE LEGEND HIMSELF!! 

If he died, I would have rioted. On god. 

This is the EXACT ending I wanted for him. I’m so happy that he gets time to rest knowing that none of his decision were in vain; and that he shouldn’t regret anything he did.

l know the wheelchair was literal in the sense that he was injured, but I also think it’s metaphorical in that he no longer has to standing on his own two feet, and carry everyone on his back. For once, for fucking once, he can literally sit back and read a fucking book in peace. 

Also Gabi and Falco taking care of him is so fucking cute, I loved that so, so, so much. 

Others

I don’t think Hange needed to die, goodbye. I get why they did, and I’m glad they went out in a way they wanted do, but that doesn’t mean I’m happy about it BYE. 

Pieck is far too sexy for her titan to have been that ghastly. Porco, too. Speaking of Porcupine, I fucking love him. I didn’t think I would like him this much, but I do, and now I miss him. 

When did Connie get so s*xy

I stand by the belief that this wouldn’t have happened with Erwin around—and for the worse. Yes, I think Hange waited longer than they should have to act; but I understand they were overwhelmed, and had a lot of responsibility, and regret, clouding over them. 

That being said, I think Erwin would have been 10x worse LMFAO with all his secret keeping and mystery. With all the shit going on, all the information being revealed to Paradis, and with Eren’s own secret keeping, I don’t think Erwin’s character and way of planning would have been conducive the new environment. RIP tho Erwin, you a legend for the shit you did, big ups on that my guy. 

I... guys, I like Reiner. Like, a lot. What goes on. 

I still hate H*storia and I think she caused a lot of problems that could have been resolved relatively quickly if she left 😐😐  yeah, yeah, girl power or whatever, but I don’t like it. I don’t like her. Bye. 

I have more thoughts on Marley and the other nations, but that’s a whole separate rant that I will spare you from for now 

[saskaykun]

This unbearable thing I see more and more since I'm on two different fandoms: Naruto and SNK are the SS stans that are self-inserting everywhere but especially on Eren x Mikasa’s ship. Your shitty ship is not even comparable to the relationship between Mikasa and Eren, not even for a moment.

When Sasuke never really cared about Sakura, maybe a little bit during his time in Team 7, being his teammate, he cared a little bit, their relationship ends there. It's Sakura who had romantic feelings for Sasuke, the opposite is not true, Sasuke never gave back her feelings and even in the lowest moment of his quest for justice and freedom, he didn’t think about her, but only about Naruto and his unbreakable bond that he hoped to cut definitively this time. She behaves like a horrible, unbearable fangirl around Sasuke and it has never help her actually, even today. Girl, you've been married to a man for twelve years now and when you see him again, you still call him Sasuke-kun? kun, really? Using that honorific again proves how she hasn't changed a bit since she was 12 or even younger!

Meanwhile, we have Eren and Mikasa.

This ship always had development and even more after the publication of several chapters that goes pro Eremika. ( chapters 112,123 ). For those who are not into SNK, Eren, as child, son of the doctor Grisha Jaeger accompanying his father for a medical check-up to the Ackerman (Mikasa’s mom was pregnant of her 2nd child), saved Mikasa, (her parents were murdered the same day), from a horrible fate that would have led her to be a sex slave for some pedos in the capital because she got some asian origin by her mother . Eren's recklessness against Mikasa’s assailants and the fact that he was at his turn in danger, forced Mikasa to unleash powers deeply buried in her, through her blood tie and her affiliation to the Ackerman clan. She killed the last man who had kidnapped her and he also released his grip around Eren's neck. Eren offers her his scarf because Mikasa, (under the traumatic shock of having lost her parents, and having been forced to kill one of her kidnappers), was getting cold (at the same time, the season seems to be autumn or winter).

So we begin the story with a fraternal relationship... but more on Eren's side. We understand immediately that Mikasa literally fell in love with her “hero”, the one who was not afraid to kill some men to save her, when she was nobody to him and they were children... Then, the Jaeger family adopted Mikasa because she was an orphan, this is how their brother-sister relationship started.

Eren and Mikasa had their ups and downs, but she always has been here for him, she protected Eren, risking her life on several occasions, and even others’ lives... which also harmed her. 

The more the story progresses, the more Eren is determined to reach his goal that seems quite suicidal, but he didn’t stop thinking about his relationship with Mikasa... ...she even has the largest panel in his memory... He understands pieces by pieces, that he has never considered Mikasa as a sister but that he is also in love with her... however, chapter 112 broke down some Eremika's shippers very deeply, when he told her that he hates her and that since they were children... but you must understand here that it’s totally FALSE. 

Eren doesn't hate Mikasa, he took too much care of her to say that shit... it's totally impossible to believe. Eren's 3 reasons for provoking Mikasa and breaking her, were actually, revenge, her own protection, and the Ackerman thing, let me explain:

1) REVENGE

Chapter 123 links chapter 112, in fact, we have access to some Mikasa's flashbacks about her deepest feelings for Eren and when he asked her: "Mikasa, what am I to you? and Mikasa, shocked and totally unprepared to maybe be rejected by the man she loves and the one she has seen changed so much,(doesnt talk anymore, make secrets, later fight with Armin) answered "you are the family"...  (chap 123) Eren, however, aware of Mikasa's feelings, was waiting for confirmation from Mikasa, which she did not give him. He is clearly disappointed, if Mikasa had confessed to him, things might have been different and she confirms it herself right afterwards but it was too late and later she got regrets...

The “I’ve always hated you’ is the typical sentence to say to the person who broke your heart in order to get revenge. (chap 112)

2) HER OWN PROTECTION

Eren, after having been family zoned, (he was not going to tell her that he also was in love with her after this rejection) still thinks in a way to protect Mikasa from him and his actions. He is going to act totally suicidal, he didn’t want her to be affected by his death.. so he decided to be rude to her to definitely broke her heart, so she could get over him for good this time.

3) THE ACKERMAN THING

Mikasa is one of the last member still alive from the Ackerman clan with Levi, they become ultra powerful when they have someone to protect ( wink to the Uchiha babes btw ); its their sleeping secret power. When they awake it, they could literally die for the person they choose to protect. For Mikasa, it was Eren, it always have been him. It’s a total devotion she can’t even help if she wanted to.

When Eren learnt more about the Ackerman clan and the devoted protection, he doubted about Mikasa’s feelings for him.. was she really in love with me or it’s only the ackerman power? Anyway she is not free (enslaved by the ackerman power) and I only stand for freedom. That’s why he needed confirmation from her and as I said earlier, she family zoned him when he gave her the chance to confess and change things... 

ANYWAY.....

So to conclude, you SS stans you don’t have nothing to compare to Eremika, really, nothing.

Eren and Mikasa are truly in love together but their relationship is actually too complicated.. they are well developed and well-written.

Sasuke never loved Sakura romantically, like never.

Eren’s harsh words toward Mikasa currently meant the opposite.

Sasuke’s harsh words toward Sakura meant “Give me some peace, I don’t wanna be with you, because I don’t love you and I never will.”

Thank you.

[amrwantonblog]

THANK YOU SO MUCH, for your thoughts on JK. I am not a big fan of it but mostly because it always felt one-sided and barely had focus unless it was used in a way to make eren grow up. honestly if we hadn't got the Jean's dream in 127 I would have thought Jean had gotten over it. A lot of ppl tried to justify JK by using the "Jean had that dream. it was obvious". YEAH JEAN had it in a very tense moment to escape reality but mikasa never showed anything. it's not a good writing imo (pt1)

So like... it is admittedly a bit complicated. I think what ya have to keep in mind is that SNK at the end of the day, neither a romance story nor is it a story about Jean. He is a prominent side character, but still a side character. So in some regards, he does get a pass for his feelings being very much in the background.

Where I draw issue, is that Jean's feelings are one-sided from start to finish with nothing, in the end, indicating Mikasa would be interested cause she spends the whole series in love with Eren. Leaving things up to headcanon is fine but this feels way too much for me to the point where it comes across as a forced way to show hey Mikasa's moved on and it doesn't work for me.

This is not to say Jean is a bad guy by any means, anyone would be lucky to have him and it's not as if he pestered Mikasa until she agreed to give him a chance.

But the way this is framed just slightly bothers me. Mikasa has the right to move on and it's healthy to do so but when it's with someone you gave very little time to throughout the whole series it just seems weird. Jean and Mikasa are friends but that's just it. Only friends. Mikasa's relationships with Sasha, Armin and even Annie are given more attention than Mikasa's bond with Jean.

[emekaemy]

I used to look down on Mikasa Eren shippers, as I found the ship so cliche and sister brotherly. But strangely, it was this infamous chapter, 112 which made me rethink about their relationship. This chapter has showed that their supposedly sibling-like (?) relationship is more complicated than it seems.

The emotional density of Eren's speech in 112 made me doubt about him seeing Mikasa as a sister. Whether the feelings are positive or negative- I believe a person can not hold those strong feelings towards someone in his sister's position. During the talk, Eren seemed to experience too much tension to be platonic. This way of talk can be adressed to an ex- girlfriend when you know she has feelings for you but somehow she hurt you and you want her to be hurt as well. Because you know that she loves you and she will be hurt.

If Eren really thought that their relationship was only the Ackerbond, he wouldn't tell all these to break her heart. And Mikasa wouldn't be deeply hurt. He well knows that what Mikasa feels for him is more than a robotic tie and she is a young lady who has feelings for him. Eren sure knows this.

Especially one part of 112 drew my attention:

Mikasa: It was all because of you Eren. You saved my life and put this scarf around me-

Eren: I TOLD you to put your hands on the table!!

I think her sentence about the SCARF hit the very soft spot of Eren, her talk was getting too intense for him to handle the situation, he was scared of showing emotion and changed the talk about their memories by cutting her off harshly. I think the harshness of his reaction to Mikasa's sentence gives him away. (Please read ch 121, Eren's fragility while he's watching the scarf memory.)

His hate confrontation was quite passionate. To me, Eren had never looked like some rude opposite gender as he did in chapter 112. I thought I was not reading a seinen, it looked like a scene from a different genre of manga.

It's possible that after Mikasa's almost kiss&confession, Eren's puberty started (LOL) and it could be the very first moment he saw her in a newlight. But later on he was shocked and disappointed because of the Ackerman past. So, his intention was to break her heart as a revenge. (Some say he was just acting in order to break the Ackerman curse but nobody can act that well and Eren was overwhelmed with emotion, he was glaring!) Still, deep inside, he's aware that Mikasa loves him. There's no way Eren forgot what happened between him and Mikasa in ch 50, Dina Fritz scene.

During his absence, though his mind was busy, Eren still must have contemplated on Mikasa and the nature of his relationship with Mikasa.

We don't know if he will show his real motive and apologize, or he is just telling the truth. We know nothing yet. But the moment itself appeared to me that Eren has (or one time had) feelings for Mikasa. The dialogue didn't seem to me like two siblings' bickering. This chapter is the turning point (though it consists of insult and supposedly negative feelings) where I perceived Eren a male and Mikasa as female. (I know this may sound weird.)

They grew up together as play friends (age 9–10) and after the Colossus they bonded for 6 years. Although they had been bickering and bitter sweet there hadn't occured any big change in their relationship for many years. Except ch 50, It had been stable. (Their fans were frustrated because not much happened in 3 seasons yet, they were too young: 9–15 years old, two orphans, especially Eren with PTSD - too immature to feel that way) So I claim that there had to be a huge earthquake moment between them. (Sadly, not leading to a positive way, instead, to a seemingly negative direction for their shippers)

We can be sure that chapter 112 won't be their final interaction. Even if Eren's harshness may continue for a while, they need to face with each other more openly, before Eren dies. (Hopefully he doesn't)

Nobody who can feel wants such a terrible goodbye to the girl he cared.

If this notorious moment is explained and solved in a good way, I have a hunch that their relationship won't be the same. In other words, their bond may deepen into another aspect. Only something reversely positive and heavier can change this, that red scarf has to be rewrapped around her neck by the same person, if you know what I mean. But I'm really curious how Eren will react to the absence of the scarf when they come face to face, if they ever make up.

The- hate you - moment may lead to a change of their long time undefined relationship. They seem to have entered into a different path. In season 4 (and in the flashbacks where Mikasa learns she is royal and when in railway Eren is talking about whom to hand over his power) Eren really behaves like a young man and acts emotional about or around Mikasa. Especially the railway flashback: They stare at each other and blush! There is no need to mention what kind of emotions do cause blushing…

When season 4 is animated, adult Mikasa and Eren's chemistry will be even more distinguishable.

I like the chapter 107, when Historia laughs at Mikasa: Why did you show your wristband only to Eren? And Eren is almost sneering : So what? Eren must have felt that Historia is the embodiment of the audience shipping them. She may have looked like a giggling high school girl. He and Mikasa have given a big piece of gossip to her. Eren's amused expression continues even in the next panel.

Some people shipping Historia and Eren may think Eren is annoyed at Historia for pairing him with Mikasa. But I perceived it a funny moment where Eren was amused at the fact that because of a girly instinct, Historia knew there was something going on between him and Mikasa.

With the commotion in 112, the author has also created some material and reached to a path to make a drastic change in the relationship. I know he hates cliche romances, but with 112, their relationship is now far from being cliche. It has become rather complicated.

I'm almost glad to read 112. Though it was harsh, Eren and Mikasa had their moment. He is sure to have gained emotional depth. To feel something (love or hate) requires emotional depth. Between the ages of 9 - 15, Eren was neutral to all the girls in the series but only Mikasa, a caring, sibling-like figure, was different.

However, she is still different from other girls in his perspective: this time being the figure he supposedly hates, the figure whose heart he intentionally breaks. Gosh, these are very strong vibes, hinting to a reverse position in which his love could be very strong just the same.

In the 4th season when they are drawn side to side, one can feel the chemistry. Mikasa and Eren do not resemble to siblings anymore.

Their shippers must be devastated after 112. I, who despised the ship must admit that I'm now on the verge of shipping. I believe that we will be seeing the red scarf one more time. Its role hasn't finished yet. 

Besides, I can't imagine a situation in which Mikasa is in love with another guy and Eren is OK with this. He can not handle being the second important man in her life.

From the interviews, I get that the author respects Mikasa so much that he does not feel like setting her as the hero's girl. And this is one of the reasons he opened the way for her independence. But being independent doesn't necessarily mean abandoning your beloved ones.

Besides, If Mikasa was his love interest in the beginning, her character would be ruined. But the manga is coming to an end. So, if something gets real, it won't ruin Mikasa. Her character depth and her charisma have already been confirmed in many chapters.

They love each other very much. She is clearly shown to have romantic feelings for him. They are not siblings. So I believe, one day Eren will be more open to her and assuming he survives, they will be together.

From now on, we will have an independent young woman and a young man. He had already announced his independency, then she threw away her collar as a sign of her independency. Hopefully, we won't be seeing Mikasa protecting and sticking to him like a mother or an older sister.

I don't want to sound too optimistic. The title question is: does Eren have feelings for Mikasa? And my answer is yes, he does.

Unfortunately, they probably won't kiss or confess, contrary to how the shippers expect. I think it will only be implied to the reader that their feelings are more than platonic and it's all. This could be the best scenario. Still, one can not blame the shippers. It was the same author who created the characters, their bond and wrote their beautiful moments.

As a conclusion; the look on his face, especially his narrowed eyes in ch 121 show whatever Eren feels for Mikasa is rather strong.

Although the chapter showed his eyes generally large with wildness, in this image he is stuck between a sad smile and a cry.

Yes, he is overwhelmed with emotion, again. Whether he says he hates her or sees himself wrapping the scarf around her, he is overwhelmed. When our subject is Mikasa, he is just too overwhelmed with strong feelings.

Everybody says Eren went through so much character development and became very mature in the 4th season. Just the same, this Eren can feel deep love towards a young woman who has always been there when he needed. And her name probably starts with M.

[ghostmartyr]

how a life can move from the darkness [10/?]

| 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 |

Summary: Two drug addicts (Eren and Historia) meet in group and decide to be roommates to make their  living situation slightly less weird. From there we do the slow burn  found family dance mixed in with the struggles and agonies of recovery. Heavy on friendship feels, especially EMA. Eventual yumikuri.

“How do you keep people from turning into new addictions?”

Eren never liked group.

Being soaked to the bone and listening to every single drip of water adding to the puddle under his chair while he tried to towel himself off without making a scene didn’t do anything to make the feeling go away. His sneakers were soggy masses of sponge glued to his socks. His jacket was in a useless, sodden heap under the cookie table.

Historia wasn’t doing much better. Worse, maybe, since she’d taken one of Petra’s towels with distracted obedience before bringing her real focus to powering her way through as much therapy as she could in as little time as possible. Her towel was slung over her shoulders like a limp ferret.

Petra had a collection by the door for rainy days. Just in case. No one else had taken one.

Eren should have grabbed more, but he was in his squeaky plastic chair, and habit said he wasn’t allowed to leave the squeaky plastic chair until he’d sat still in it long enough to wonder if the car crash had killed him and this was what he was stuck with for the rest of ever.

He didn’t like group.

He liked Petra, and her calm, steady tone when her pen clacked against her clipboard and she asked if anyone wanted to start them out. He liked the few seconds he wasn’t thinking about the water dripping down his neck and under his shirt. Then the work started, and he had to figure out words for wanting to break his body into pieces until he came back right.

All the jagged edges chafed and reminded. Petra wasn’t the one who would take that away.

But she made it easier to push the pieces back into place. And to figure out where that place even was.

So when Historia asked her question, watching Petra with the feverish concentration that said it was the first and only thing she ever should have asked when she found out she wanted better, and Petra’s eyes shot to Eren, he sat up straight and listened. His shoes squelched on the floor. His eyes were probably just as hungry.

“It is very easy to displace addictive tendencies,” Petra started. “I won’t count the number of you who take smoke breaks after this, but I think we can all agree that when something has consumed so much of our life, walking away and leaving that hole is almost impossible. Maybe we’ve kept from filling it up with the same poisons, but it’s there, and we’ve come to depend on it. We’ve rewired ourselves to want the pattern to keep going, even when it ruins everything.”

Hundreds of unanswered texts buzzed in Eren’s pocket. Dozens of dents pounded into his fists.

The fucking orange bottles.

He breathed through his nose. He answered his texts now. It was fine. If it wasn’t yet, he’d make it.

“A lot of the time, we don’t even notice. We’re so used to going through our life that way, and working so hard to keep away from our vices, that we completely miss that we’ve found a new one. Depressive episodes turn into somewhere that’s safe to stay as long as we aren’t on drugs.” Petra eyed Eren again. “Anger is a natural emotion, so there’s nothing strange about always feeling it. Finding a new place to put it becomes as much of a habit as anything else.”

Eren’s hands clamped compulsively on his towel. The threads caught in his fingernails the way dust on the baseball diamond got stuck under them after a long practice.

“Adding people into it makes a complicated thing even harder. Especially the people we’ve kept, who want us to be doing well. Someone like that turns into a beacon, not a person, so our relationships become strained.”

Historia interrupted and Eren was almost glad for it. She leaned forward in her chair while scattered raindrops fell from her head. “How do you stop that?” she asked.

Petra didn’t miss a beat. “Boundaries.”

Historia waited. The chair’s weight fell on its front legs. “What if it’s someone you don’t want boundaries with?”

Or someone who had a weird concept of what they were. Like a girl who showed up to make breakfast in someone else’s home, or a guy who had dinner regularly with his step-mother but not his brother.

The two people who understood the rules had never stepped out of the box Eren made for them, and it had made him crazy to need it.

“Then they’re even more important,” Petra said. She repositioned her clipboard on her lap, letting her pen roll to the edge and zoning in on Historia. “We all have people we want to be close to. Sometimes we want to share everything with them. We want them to be part of us so strongly that we lose track of who we are without them. Who we are stops mattering without them.”

She didn’t look at Eren again. All of her attention went to Historia, who had lost any color she had left in her skin. Eren didn’t think she’d blinked the whole conversation. He wasn’t sure he had, either.

“No one can make it through the world alone, but we’re still individuals. Who you are,” Petra said, turning to the whole circle, “matters beyond who you are connected to. Healthy relationships have everyone involved remembering that. For people who are just now rediscovering who they are, the obvious danger is losing yourself in the high of something new and wonderful.

“So you find your boundaries. Yours and theirs. Focus on where you begin and where you end, and learn where to find them. Then, you work together to discover how you fit.” Petra settled back, smiling her easy, gentle smile that promised help. “Addiction drives us to lose ourselves in whatever will take us. Moving forward is always about reclaiming, or gaining more of yourself. You want to build relationships that make that easier, not harder. If the relationship itself is hindering that, you know there’s a problem, and, well.”

Comfort. It shone straight out of her. That was what made Petra worth listening to even when she said the stupid thing that stupid people had been telling Eren even before he downed his first pill. She believed it. She believed deep down that all the broken people she talked to would be okay. “There is a saying about that being the first step to recovery.”

----

By the time Petra recruited Eren to dump the soaked towels back in the car, it was no longer raining, and he could hold his jacket near him without feeling like he was holding Benjamin.

They hadn’t gotten off the relationship kick. Daz had managed to adopt the cat that lived in his drug dealer’s alley. Samuel, who didn’t have a leg to be broken, was wondering about when the right time was to bring up why he wasn’t barhopping with his new coworkers.

Eren had only mentioned Zeke once. When that was too many, he forced through how he only had Mikasa and Armin at all because they’d been better than anyone had the right to expect. He’d earned the circle a reminder of how they didn’t get to choose how the world around perceived them. Historia’s whole body had flinched, but by that point the embarrassment and past guilt was more choking than any present guilt.

More to work on.

“Do either of you drive?” Petra asked, opening her trunk. “You didn’t have to walk here in the rain.”

“We don’t have a car,” Eren said.

She shoved several beds of blankets and a sandbag to the side to make room for the pile Eren and Historia had created after helping out with drying the floor they’d soaked. “Uber works, too.”

“It isn’t a long walk.”

Petra never made sudden stops. She flowed into her movements, even stillness. Annie and Mikasa moved the same way. Years of training in something. Petra smoothed out her shirt and considered him. “Can you drive?” she asked.

Wet tires rolled across the parking lot, smearing puddles and keeping the damp silence from sticking to anything.

“Yeah,” Eren said. “I can drive. I’m the one driving half of Zeke’s team to parties after games.”

“Even though you don’t own a car?”

“It’s Zeke’s car,” Eren said.

Petra took the towels from his stiff arms and tossed them easily into her car. She watched him throughout the movement, and Eren wanted to hate, the way he hated himself and Zeke and anyone who tried to give a damn about him, but the hook about patterns and anger was too fresh to pick at and he could hear his heart in his ears with the steady thump that didn’t belong to thrown tennis balls against a wall they belonged to a body hitting a mat or a windshield.

The cold didn’t feel so cold. The outside of his skin matched.

“He lets you drive,” Petra said, with Frieda’s gentleness.

Eren nodded.

Petra knew the thin details.

“He’s your brother on your father’s side, isn’t he?”

“Right.”

Petra knew more about everything else in Eren’s life, because she was too good and too responsible to zone out during group and forget who the people she was helping even were. She was the one who had Eren thinking to count how many times he brought up his brother. She didn’t barrel in without consideration. She asked, “Have you ever talked to him about what happened?”

Eren froze up. Working his jaw felt like bending steel. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

Petra carefully patted the disorganized clump of towels into a corner and smiled back at him. “There’s nothing wrong with that.” She stood up straight and squeezed his shoulder. Eren, in a way he hadn’t felt for weeks, had trouble meeting her eyes.

“I’m sorry if I overstepped,” she said. “You just seem to be looking for something more from him, and…” She paused, and Eren was back in his chair for the first time. “No one likes being vulnerable, but having someone to share it with can be very rewarding. That’s all. You still get to pick if you want that or not.”

“I don’t,” Eren said. Like they were the only words available. He sounded like the small kid Zeke would actually try with for a painful second.

“That’s fine,” Petra said. In another place, if he were a different person, her step forward probably would have made for an okay hug. She kept smiling at him, and he couldn’t make the corners of his mouth do anything. “But being able to go somewhere without the weather getting in your way would be nice, wouldn’t it?”

Droplets of water were still spilling out of his bangs, and all of his shrugs dampened his chin. Out of everything she’d said, that was the easiest thing of the day to nod to.

----

Somewhere, Eren had stopped slamming doors. Not when Mikasa came to stay with them. Not when his dad asked him, speaking in the tolerant tone that said Eren was misbehaving and it was expected, to be kinder to his home. Maybe when the therapist told him he should find less destructive outlets and some words had slipped in through the drugs and screaming at her. Maybe when he shared a room with Reiner, who jumped at every unexpected noise.

Somewhere. Close to when he moved back with his mom and put one last step of trying in before giving up and whaling on the walls.

Somewhere, he’d put a lid on himself, and steaming mad, he could walk through a door and close it like what Armin called a civilized member of society.

He could leave a family dinner without exploding. He could tromp the cleats he’d never asked for back through his front door without giving anyone a reason to think there was something wrong.

Everyone in his apartment, being Ymir and Historia, was too asleep to look up and see the reasons written all over his face. They probably appreciated his self-control. Eren would have appreciated Historia being awake. Not at the cost of Ymir being awake. But the heat in his chest wanted to be screamed if it couldn’t be thrown out into pieces of the building, and he was starting to need someone to listen when the rage hit.

Other good habits. Always needing someone else. He couldn’t just fix himself and keep everyone out of it. Not that he ever could.

The bitterness was hard to keep, with Historia and Ymir on the couch, trying to fuse themselves permanently together in their sleep. An empty pizza box was strewn on the floor by their feet.

Eren slouched over to Benjamin’s tank and sunk to the floor. Unreasonably jealous and stupid. Dinner with them would have been a better kind of weird. A kind of weird that belonged.

Better than walking out into the deep night air and having his mom squish him into a hug that took away all the cold rage that had spent an hour and years building. “Eren,” she’d said, voice alive with good humor, “you do have to tell him at some point that you want things to change. Or of course they won’t.”

She’d let go, and taken all of the comfort with her. Leaving him with him.

“Eren?”

Eren’s head whipped to the couch. Drowsy blue eyes peered at him from over Ymir’s shirt.

“Yeah. Hey.”

Historia shifted, carefully tucking her head under Ymir’s chin without disrupting her snuffled snores. “How was dinner?” she asked blearily.

She should have stayed asleep. The frustration and Zeke had expanded into his throat and waited through every mouthful to pop, held off by his mom and the enforced calm of trying not to do this to everyone who put up with him ever week, still buzzing under his skin and making sitting still hurt, even with Benjamin’s soothing tank noises so close, and—

Zeke had nodded his customary goodbye, and Eren had nodded back, not saying anything.

The balloon of anger deflated. “The way it always is,” Eren said.

Historia watched him, far away from his problems in the safety of Ymir’s arms bruising her ribs.

“She can’t always be right!” Eren remembered shouting. Four, and five, and eight, and ten, and the injustice of his mom knowing more about the world than he did being flung into the ears of anyone who would listen.

Armin and Mikasa. Mostly.

His dad used to listen. He would listen, and his glasses would glint in the lamplight—the way Zeke’s still did—and he would say, too calmly to possibly understand, “You accuse Armin of that sin often enough.”

Their dad hadn’t known what to do with Zeke either. It was always his mom making things work. Never Zeke. Never his dad. Never Eren.

Watching Historia, whose forehead was starting to fold together with a concern Ymir usually kept her too calm to feel, the question slipped out without a thought.

“What’s having a sister like?”

Concern popped into confusion. “Probably like having a brother?”

The perplexed blankness on Historia’s face didn’t do much for the leftover bristles in Eren’s shoulders. He shrugged without following up with anything helpful. Wondering if he should have even bothered asking. Historia and Frieda were their own complicated. Normal siblings didn’t bring over ice cream to hide that they were watching their baby sister sleep because they were afraid of her dying.

“If you texted her more often, she’d probably back off on that. Or if you talked to her at all.”

He was used to Historia getting it. He was used to Historia being like him. Even if it wasn’t the same at all. He was used to watching his brother keep his hands off everything Eren did unless he had an explicit invitation, and Historia was used to letting her sister believe that her most extreme fussing was a secret. Loving Frieda enough to stay alive for her hadn’t made them closer. It was just one more thing Historia didn’t talk to her about.

Frieda showed up to fill the silence anyway.

“…Do you mean,” Historia asked, “what it’s supposed to be like?”

Eren nodded stiffly.

Historia was quiet so long Eren wondered if that was the end of it. Or if Ymir would wake up and throw her dysfunction into the mix.

She snored away, relaxed enough to make Eren feel like he was intruding in his own living room, and Historia spoke. Slowly. Not looking at him, and not seeing the floor her gaze had stopped at.

“It’s like they’re safe,” she said. His ears strained to catch the words. “They don’t know all of you, and you don’t know all of them, but they decide you belong, because they have a piece of you inside of them. No matter what happens, you’re part of them, so whoever you are is allowed.”

Historia refocused on him. Uncertain, but present. Awake and nudging herself back into the crook of Ymir’s neck, prompting a sleepy, muffled squeak that Ymir would hate Eren hearing. Historia kept going, and he kept listening.

“When she found out what I did…” Historia stopped. Her eyes shut. “Ymir said that it only made sense to cut out family who called themselves that without really being it.” Her eyes opened, and inexplicably, she smiled. “It was the worst thing anyone had ever said to me about him.”

“She was right,” Eren said flatly.

“Yeah.” Historia, nestled comfortably in Ymir’s death grip, added, like she was reading something off their grocery list, “I think that’s when I started falling in love with her.”

Historia was the only person he knew who made things like that sound real. Like Armin when he was tripping through tanbark with a new library book, talking about things neither of them had ever seen. Without the sparkle. Just a weird truth that was never going to be anything else.

Eren swallowed down the limp, rubbery balloon of bristling rage, and let the ground come back to him.

“My mom says I have to tell him I want things to be different for them to be,” he said. He didn’t point out that no one ever had to tell Zeke anything about scheduling games, or filling team rosters, or booking rooms in pizza parlors for parties he didn’t even like.

He’d done that in group, with water dripping down from his ears loudly enough to disguise the grate of the whining.

“You could invite him to lunch,” Historia said, void of inflection.

“Dinner’s weird enough.”

They fed the silence together for a bit. The same waiting cluelessness they’d shared before he cared she was a person. A little less quietly than everything else, Historia said, “I still can’t talk to Frieda.”

“She’d like hearing what you said before,” Eren said. “You could just say that once in a while.”

Historia pressed her head into Ymir’s chest. “I think every time we talk I remind her of everything that went wrong.” The frown lines in her forehead shaded in. “She wants me to forget even though she can’t. I can’t think of anything to say that would stop that.”

Eren fiddled with his shoelaces, scuffed with baseball dust. Frieda’s face—too much like Historia’s, too much like his mom’s, too much like Ymir’s—carried all those memories with her every time she walked through the door. The haze of hot chocolate brought it out even when she wouldn’t.

“Mom said,” Eren said, prodding the knot his cleats wouldn’t let go of, “the reason things were never okay with Dad and Zeke was because Dad couldn’t think of a way to fix things.” He ripped the knot free. “So he just went forward without trying. Zeke never got over it. There wasn’t ever a real reason for him to.”

A million and one scenes could play out from their childhoods, over and over, of Eren and Zeke, big brother and little brother, mother and step-mom ruffling their heads, and Dad wouldn’t ever fit right.

He was only the missing piece to the smaller version.

“They look alike,” he said suddenly. “I don’t look anything like him, but Zeke looks like my—our dad. A lot. More when he still had a beard. He started shaving after rehab.” Eren kicked off his cleats, rolling them towards the front door. “I don’t know why he never did that before. He hated it whenever someone said something about them looking alike. Any time someone brought Dad up around him, that was all they ever talked about. He hated it. He hated him.”

“…Did you?” Historia asked.

“No.” Not once. “I had a good dad.”

One Zeke had never wanted and wouldn’t ever know.

Eren could feel it. The thing, way beyond the broken leg and hate. The thing that said there weren’t enough pills in the bottle his mom picked up for him. The bottomless loss that people kept thinking Zeke could understand when he never would. Pain.

He dug his palms into his eyes and willed the tears away before they could force him into the kind of sobs that Ymir wouldn’t be able to sleep through. His hands felt like sandpaper over his cheeks.

The couch creaked, and through the spots and blur, Eren could see Historia switching her perch from Ymir to the edge. She kept one of Ymir’s hands, holding it to her neck like she was expecting a noose around her throat.

“Frieda had a good father too,” she said softly. “He’s not what made us family. She is. He’s just why we met.”

Eren’s fingers threaded through his hair. Like his mom had earlier, when she pulled at his ear and told him growing out his hair wouldn’t grow him out of making his life harder than it had to be. Or like Zeke did the first time he helped him put on a helmet. “When did Frieda decide on you?”

Historia toyed with Ymir’s hand, and hesitated just enough for Eren to catch the crack in her voice. “When she found out about me.”

Fresh tears sprouted, and Eren coughed in choked surprise. “Yeah,” he said, “that sounds like her.”

“Yeah.”

Maybe Eren should have headed to the kitchen and started the hot chocolate before sitting down under Benjamin. The impulse to get up and do that now instead of letting the suffocating emotion in any deeper ran as thick as the embarrassing thought that Frieda herself would have been even more of a comfort.

Ymir snorted, making both of them jump. Somehow that pulled Historia even deeper into her arms. Eren didn’t think either of them minded, even if Historia did squeak at the proximity change. Or maybe Ymir whispering her name after was what did it.

They were a million times worse than Hannah and Franz ever were. It should have been disgusting. Ymir being so happy was still weird. Then Historia being happy at all was a relief, and something in all of it evened out.

“So when are you gonna tell Ymir you’ve decided on her?” he asked her.

“When I establish my personal boundaries,” Historia mumbled into Ymir.

They hadn’t bothered leaving many lights on for their nap on the couch together, but that Ymir glow never needed much help. Eren could feel a smile on his face twitching to match the shine in hers.

“She’d probably say yes if you asked her out.”

“Mm.”

“Holding off this long starts to make you look scared.”

Ruffled, the parts of Historia not completely buried in Ymir leveled an unimpressed scowl at Eren that mostly said he was right. “I’m working on it,” she said frostily. “Like you’re working on talking to your brother.”

Eren clapped his mouth shut and returned the scowl through the superior glint in Historia’s eyes.

Somehow, it felt like one of his lighter ones.

----

“See? Right there?”

Movies used to be a weekly thing for them. New ones. In theaters. They’d sneak in their own candy, find the thing no one else was watching, and jump into the front row. They’d done it so many times the staff at five different theaters knew them by name.

“I… no?”

There were things about it Eren had forgotten.

“You—what?” Armin blinked several times, looking between his phone and Eren. He enlarged the blur. “What about now?”

He was vibrating, flush with indignation and exclamation points in his eyes.

He was an Armin Eren hadn’t seen in over a year, and Eren would have gotten thrown out of a hundred more movies to find him again.

That didn’t do anything to clear up what it was Armin thought was worth getting thrown out of this first one. Eren leaned in closer to the phone to humor him. The black on black blur, helped by Armin’s fingers one more time, leaned in back, turning into a clump of pixels.

“It’s… a backpack?”

“Yes!”

Eren sat back in their bench, basking in the warmth of Armin’s enthusiasm, and strangling the lingering guilt trying to creep up when it felt too much like home. “Is the backpack important?”

“No, it’s what’s in the backpack—look, there!”

The blur stayed a blur.

Armin stayed vibrating, bright as a star.

“I don’t see it,” Eren said.

Armin’s finger poked the center of the blur. “It’s a power cord,” he said.

Eren tilted his head to the side. A small sliver of shadow, just barely caught in the picture, was directly under Armin’s fingernail. Enough to maybe be something, and Armin, who’d noticed enough to pull out his phone and snap off a dozen pictures, said it was something. There wasn’t much room for argument.

“They were running around the house for an hour,” Armin said. “The room they barricaded themselves in had five outlets. The jump into the lake messed up most of their phones, but he didn’t swim. His just ran out of battery, but they didn’t edit out his power cord from his backpack! You can see it.”

Armin furiously unzoomed from the image, bringing back the full, grainy shot of the giant screen they’d been sitting six feet away from. “They didn’t even try to hide it. And it wasn’t on purpose! This is right after they dumped all their bags out on the table to see what they had, and the power cord wasn’t there. Look—” Armin flicked away from the photo and on to a video of the main character swinging his backpack on.

Eren, obediently, looked.

The black backpack swung by the light, the camera angle switched, switched back, and—

A power cord.

“That’s pretty bad,” Eren said, looking at the tiny set of pixels no one but Armin was going to notice before a home release.

“It’s ridiculous,” Armin said. He settled back in the bench, frowning furiously at the small video that had yanked them out of their seats.

Eren didn’t know how he’d forgotten this part. He remembered him, and Armin, and usually Mikasa, and the candy, and the sticky floors, and the way Armin’s eyes would light up when the previews started. He remembered excited plans to see whatever was on the posters in the hallways, and him and Mikasa standing back and letting Armin teach them everything there was to know about the thing they were about to watch.

He remembered it all being so normal he never even thought about remembering it.

Then Armin’s phone was going off in the front row, and he was buzzing more than it could, and a million hushed arguments with ushers played back in Eren’s head.

“Oh.”

Eren shook himself back, where Armin had stopped buzzing, and was looking at him. The voice inside that called that dangerous took a second for him to stamp out. Armin was great practice. Sometimes too great. “Oh?”

Armin, with the same uncertainty Eren could hear when he asked about seeing a movie, smiled, and pocketed his phone. “I don’t want you to feel strange about it,” he started, “but… you’re smiling again.”

In a move that made Eren glad Mikasa couldn’t make it, his hand went up to his mouth and checked. Instead of the deep etches the mirror usually caught, there were smooth, relaxed lines that perked up at the corners.

“Oh,” Eren repeated.

The bench dug into his jeans. Armin’s gentle, smiling hope was impossible to look at, and Eren’s ears were bleeding from the strain of that beam shining right on him.

“Sorry we didn’t get to see the end of the movie.”

“It’s fine.” Eren took a breath and told the truth. “I’d rather hang out with you anyway.”

Awkward. Unless Eren burned everything to the ground one more time, they’d have things fixed and perfect before he ever got used to it. Armin wasn’t awkward. Armin was what made all the fog in Eren’s head clear out.

Right now, they were both fog, and Armin’s arms wrapped around each other like snakes under his red face. “We—uh. Maybe it’s a bad time,” Armin said, “but since we’re talking about movies, I still have your DVD player.”

Oh.

Armin rushed through the next words. “You—I was borrowing it when—so it’s in my room. I know you and Historia don’t have a TV, so it’s probably not easy to watch things. I could bring it over, if you want? Or maybe, if you wanted, since there’s time now—”

“No.”

He could hear his heart beating louder than the word. Armin still shut up like he’d screamed it.

He wasn’t smiling anymore. It felt like a personal failure. Everything from his mouth down was made of boiling sludge that was more useless for explaining why, for saying sorry, for all the yelling he wouldn’t do, and Armin was sitting there doing nothing wrong.

Eren took a breath. Somehow.

“Some other time,” he said. Like a person.

“Sure,” Armin said. Like the bullet he dodged was inside him anyway.

Awkward had been better.

Eren didn’t want to be ‘like’ anything. He wanted to make it all the way back.

“What do you want to see next?”

Armin’s head jerked up from boring a hole in his knees. “Huh?”

“We didn’t get to finish the movie, and I don’t think they’ll let us back in,” Eren said, keeping his voice light and steady. “If this one’s a bust, what do you want to go see instead? We’ve still got an afternoon to kill.”

He didn’t have anyone to blame but himself for the cautious way Armin looked at him. Rabid animals bit. No one in their right mind wanted to stick their hand through the bars, and Armin was Armin. He had every kind of sense and several more besides.

Just not the one that kept him away from Eren. “Okay.”

“Okay?”

Armin popped off the bench. “If we hurry, downtown is screening Rear Window this week?”

It took a second. Eren’s footing felt as slow as his brain, fragments of speech catching up to him like scooped shells out of a tide pool. He could taste the salt before any kind of response skittered out of his mouth. “Again?” he asked, the tease hollow but close enough to count. So he counted it. “How many times have you seen that?”

The sun came out on Armin’s face, too open to hide the relief backing his smile. “It’s a classic, Eren.”

“It’s why Mom took our telescope away.” Easier. Less hollow.

More like how things were meant to be. In that moment, watching Armin’s eyes glitter and his pace pick up until he was practically skipping, it was like they’d never been anything else at all.

The goal wasn’t supposed to be to run back to exactly how things were. Eren wasn’t an idiot. He knew that wouldn’t happen. Even when Historia figured her stuff out and didn’t want him interrupting couch time anymore, things weren’t going to bounce back to him and Armin lying upside down on their cramped balcony while they argued over which movies got to stay on their list.

But running down the sidewalk at Armin’s heels, chasing down the rest of their afternoon, Eren felt like some limb he’d been missing had snapped back into place.

[next]

[venomlion3]

"How come you got a bigger beard than me?" ----------------- 

#1 - AoT/SnK oh hell yeah babey it's here Welcome back to Shiptober, a month-long challenge where I draw a ship I like every day of October! This'll be my second year doing this (you can see my 2018 entries here) and I'm very excited to share what I have planned!! Not every single entry will be shaded and I might post irregularly or in sprees, but I should be completing Shiptober in it's entirety again considering I have every entry sketched out already and I'm doing entries in advance! More info under the cut!

For the first entry I have Eremin, or ErenXArmin. When I first got into SnK I didn't really care for it, but over time it grew on me and I fell in love. I'm a sucker for the best friends to lovers trope so idk why it took me so long to like it?? I'm very fond of their relationship and friendship in general and I'd love for them to reconcile in some form in the manga (speaking of the manga what the hell was even going on in Ch 121) even though I know Armin still believes in Eren a bit. All I'm saying is I'd like some form of a happy ending after following this series for nearly 7 years, Isayama In the main Venomverse timeline these two dated in their teens before eventually settling down with their current partners (Levi and Annie/Mikasa) but if I'm being honest I'm very tempted to make it a main ship in Venomverse? I mention it in a recent update to my SnK Venomverse Guide but I feel like my interest for Ereri has weakened (though that might be because I'm currently neck-deep in IT and I'm not as emotionally invested in my other fandoms atm) and the thought of retconning it crosses my mind every so often. It'd be a hell of an update with all the shit I'd have to fix but I think it'd be worth it in the end? That isn't to say I no longer like Ereri in Venomverse terms, and I'd probably still explore that version of SnK Venomverse through what I'm calling the Originalverse, but I feel like the chapter of my life where I actively shipped Ereri since I was 14 is coming to a close? Idk. I'm not making any decisions rn (I'm gonna wait to see how I feel about it in a few months after I calm down for the most part about IT) but I did make copies of the Next Gen bios this change would affect and I'll be fine-tuning them so that if I went through with it it'll be easier to transition. If I did make that change Eren would be added to the Mikaniaru ship (married only to Armin because I'm not really into Ereannie and Mikasa and Eren will always be adoptive siblings to me and nothing more) and Alrick and Kalani would become Eremin kids and half-siblings to my Mikaniaru kids. Beth and Grant would also become canon since I'd put Levi with Hanji and Petra and they'd become half-siblings to my Hanpeto kids. My Eren+Mikaniaru and Levi+Hanpeto families would become connected, meaning I'd have to retcon Alrick and Stefan/Magnild being exes since they'd be cousins now, and that's not even mentioning the extended families of my Mobel/Olufloch/Tyeger kids, etc etc yadda yadda yadda y'all see why this is so complicated

Next Entry: https://lionmom-svenomverse.tumblr.com/post/188089268800/shiptober-2019-entry-2-here-we-got-happy-dads

[yodawgiherd]

Rocky road of intimacy

Rating: M

Read on AO3

That feeling when you just start writing one day and end up with 5k words of first-times between your two favorite dorks. Thanks to my beta reader who helped me sort this mess out!

Enjoy!

Mikasa always liked watching movies. Living with Levi, nothing was more relaxing than coming home and sitting down next to him on the old couch he owned, focusing on whatever was playing on the screen. The short exchanges they had, that was their way of communication.

“How was school? “

“Fine. How was work? “

“Good. “

“Nice. “

And that was all they needed.

Now while Eren also shared her passion for film, watching movies with him presented a new set of problems.

“Hey, I want to see this one. “

“What’s stopping you? “

Mikasa turned her head just enough to frown at him, but his smile didn’t waver. Neither did his hands which he sneaked under the hem of her shirt. Again. Sure, logically speaking, all she had to do was get off his lap and go sit somewhere else on the sofa, but that would mean losing his body heat and while she complained, to keep up her image of a pure girl, she did enjoy the gentle grope of his fingers. Giving him the most disapproving look she could muster at the moment, she turned back towards the screen. His resolve didn’t crumble however, and soon she could feel the slow advance as he dived back in. The tips of his fingers pressed into her midriff, tracing the outlines of her abs. For some reason, Eren was oddly fascinated with them. The movie they were supposed to be watching was good, she picked it herself, but her boyfriend seemed way more interested in pushing the neckline of her top as far as possible, so he can kiss a trail from her neck to her shoulder and back. Assaulted from multiple fronts, Mikasa’s resolve was slowly but surely fading away, but she held on, refusing to look back at him and his stupid sexy smile. She wouldn’t give in, not again, not after Eren already ruined the Lord of the Rings marathon, and they just ended up making out in the middle of Two towers. This time she would….what the hell was poking her in the ass? Eren wouldn’t be stupid enough to keep the remote on his lap, would he? But then she shifted her position, in an attempt to get comfortable again, and when he groaned behind her she finally connected the dots.

“Sorry, “, he murmured into the crook of her neck, “can’t really help it. “

“Maybe it wouldn’t happen if you’d just watch the damn movie, no? “

“That’s an interesting idea. “, he looked up, eyes sparkling, “but I’m not willing to try it. “

She sighed. Sometimes this guy was really a handful. But she had to admit that he was keeping his word. It was already a month since their second date, and he seemed completely content with taking it slow, just as he said. They kissed a lot, sure, and sometimes his hands wandered to places they’ve never been before, but that was it. To her own surprise, Mikasa found herself wanting more, wishing that he would actually squeeze her breasts instead of just skimming his fingers over them, or that he would sometimes dip his hand lower instead of keeping it above her waist. Before she realized what she was doing, she turned around, pushed him down and grabbed Eren’s wrists, pressing them to the couch as she straddled him.

“What’s this for? “, he asked, the lopsided grin she loved wide on his face.

“How am I supposed to focus when your stupid erection keeps digging into my butt? “

“Hey, its not stupid! Plus you are the reason I have one so…. Just deal with it? “

“Oh I’ll deal with it. “, Eren’s eyes widened as he felt Mikasa’s hand travel downwards, dipping her fingers under the hem of his sweats.

“Wait, what are you… Mikasa! “

“Shush. “

She was determined now. The look he had on his face when she pulled down his pants to free his hardness was priceless. And when Mikasa’s fingers curled around him, it got even better.

“Babe, you… are you sure? “, he managed to say over the sound of blood rushing in his ears. He wanted her, god knows he did, but he would never force her to do anything, not in his life. But this was her decision, her will, and most definitely her hand that just started stroking him, somehow managing to feel hundred times better than his own.

She didn’t respond. Instead, she pressed herself closer to him and took advantage of his opened mouth, pressing her tongue inside. The kiss was as messy as humanly possible, but neither of them cared. Mikasa loved this. It felt like she was holding the control stick to Eren’s body, any small movement she did getting a reaction out of him. When she twisted her wrist a bit, he moaned. When she pressed her thumb against the head, his eyes rolled back, and she could feel his body shuddering under her. He couldn’t even kiss her back as his head fell backwards against the sofa, and she could feel his hips moving into her palm on their own. She wanted to see it closer, just how much she was affecting him, so she dropped down between his legs, watching him pulse between her fingers. In retrospective, it wasn’t such a good idea. Eren tried to warn her, but she was just moving too fast, her hand going up and down at murderous tempo, while she kept her circling the most sensitive area with her thumb, sending his brain into overdrive.

“Mika…“, was all he managed.

She looked up, curious about what he wanted to say, and exactly at that moment he lost control. His hips jerked up for the last time and he came, his load landing on the nearest surface possible. Which just happened to be her face.

“Eren what the fuck! “, she straightened, horrified, not knowing what to do about the stuff that was coating her cheek. Even though the last shocks of his orgasm were still running through his body, he reached over to hand her a box of paper wipes, which she took while giving him a look that made him wonder just how long his remaining lifespan really is.

“I have some in my fucking hair, god damn it. “, she growled, religiously cleaning herself.

“I-I’m so sorry, I tried to say something, but you just….“, he shook his head, “ you are too much. “

While that statement secretly pleased her, it still didn’t change the fact that she had just taken a face full of him, and even with the wipes she wasn’t feeling exactly clean. Not to mention that she will probably have to cut her hair to get it out. She sighed again, feeling the anger slowly die down inside her. After all, was it really so bad?

“Miki, let me take care of this, “ he said, making her look at him with raised eyebrow.

“What do you mean? “

Eren was already standing up, pulling her along. “Let’s take a bath, I’ll clean you. “

She could feel her cheeks burning. They haven’t really… been naked with each other before, although shirts were often thrown off during their make out sessions. Fuck it, she thought to herself, and followed him to the bathroom, she legit just wanked him off. This wasn’t really that different was it?

For all the awkwardness she feared, this actually felt rather nice, Mikasa had to admit. The water was warm all around her, that combined with Eren’s own body heat pressed into her from behind created a very pleasant atmosphere. True to his word, he washed her hair, dragging his fingers through her silky black strands gently until she was satisfied and once again feeling clean enough to show her face to the outside world. Now they were just relaxing, with her frowning at him because he was hard again. Even with this complication however, she managed to find a place where it didn’t bother her enough to open her eyes, and just floated in the water, letting her brain slowly go over the fact that their relationship seemed to be taking leaps and bounds forward. And for some reason, she didn’t find herself minding it one bit. The fear and disgust she felt the first time they tried it just didn’t come, nothing forced her body to shake and her teeth to grit. It just felt…natural. What did make her open her eyes rather rapidly was the feeling of Eren’s hand creeping down, and not stopping. He made it past her waist and was coming dangerously close to her most private area.

“W-What are you doing? “, she asked, her voice shaky, but not from fear. Not this time.

“Well I just thought I might return the favor. “, he said, head on her shoulder as he watched the journey of his palm as if it wasn’t his own. “Do you want me to stop? “

She didn’t. Mikasa shook her head, and together they watched as he finally reached his destination. Eren started slow, first touching her on the outside, caressing her, eyes darting between her face and his hand to see how she would react. When he did push a finger inside, her mouth fell open and she moaned, sound he found downright adorable. Eren wanted more, wanted to feel her more and hear her more, wanted to see her cold demeanor crumble beneath his hands. So he kept moving, adding another finger and feeling the way her walls stretched around him. When his adventurous hand found a hard nub hidden between her folds, he pressed against it gently, and was surprised when her head fell back on his shoulder and the sound she made was the definition of hot.

“Is that good? “, he whispered into her ear.

“Y-Yeah, keep, keep touching that. “, Mikasa had her eyes closed and her features seemed to thaw with every passing second. Determined to see her come undone, Eren changed his hold a bit. The hand that was idle up until now creeped upwards and he took hold of one of her breasts, squeezing it and rolling the, not surprisingly, hard nipple between his fingers. In the same time, he changed the way he pleasured her, once again pushing two fingers in and curling them, and also rubbed his palm against the bud, moving in sync. Mikasa made no effort to be silent, her moans loud in the closed space of the bathroom, overshadowing any sound he could make with the way his fingers moved in and out of her. He could feel her nails as she scratched his nape, her hand pressing into the back of his neck, her hips rocking as she lost control over her body. He had to keep his own from thrusting into her back, because he was seriously way beyond turned on right now. Her moans, the feel of her, the knowledge that it’s him and no one else who’s making her look like the mess she was, that was…. Something else. But Eren managed to keep his cool, to a degree, and kept moving his hands just as she liked, dragging her closer and closer to the edge. When she came, it was with a breathy moan and she buried her face in his neck, breath fanning over his bare skin. Her inside muscles clamped down on his fingers, and just the mental image of how that would feel around his dick instead almost made him finish with her. Eren let her relax, withdrawing from her, and her breathing slowly returned into normal.

“Hey Miki? I love you, and I’m sorry for coming on your face. “

She just chuckled.

Birthday celebrations were never big in Mikasa’s life. Of course, back when she had her parents she used to have parties, with all the parade a young girl can wish for. But after coming to live with Levi, they just stopped happening. And honestly, she didn’t really mind, because birthdays are usually spent with your family, and she didn’t need another reminder that her grumpy older brother was her only remaining one. When Eren found out, it was bound to change.

“I can’t take this. “, she said, staring at the keys in her hand. She looked up to see him sitting on the other end of the sofa with his usual grin. “You can’t just gift me a motorbike. “

“I believe I just did. “, he shrugged, “Really, its not a big deal for me. Plus, I do remember you having a certain obsession with riding. “

Even when her ears were burning from the jab he took on the choice of words she had during their second date, she wasn’t about to back down so easily. “Look, just take it back. “ She thrusted the keys back at him, but all he did was cross his arms on his chest.

“Nope. “

“Come on! I don’t want to…“, she sighed, embarrassed.

“Don’t want to what? “, he asked, genuinely curious.

“I know that you are rich, but I don’t want you to be my…. Sugar daddy. “ There, she said it.

“Is that what this is about? Damn. “, he came closer, and lifted her chin, making her look at him. “I gave you this because I love you, and I know you have to carpool with Sasha anytime you need to get somewhere. So just take it, okay? “

“I’ll pay you back. “, she whispered, but when she kissed him they both knew that that promise is hollow.

“Come on. “, he said, standing up and pulling her to her feet, “Let me give you the other thing. “

“Wait, you bought something else? Eren I can’t…“

“Nah, “, he shook his head, the grin on his face not wavering, “I didn’t buy anything. “

Curious, she followed him until she realized that he was leading her to the bedroom. Mikasa felt her blood pounding in her ears at the sight of the bed, with covers removed as Eren clearly prepared it for something. Out of nowhere, she could feel her old insecurities creeping up her spine. Could she really do this? Was she ready? Eren seemed to notice her pause, because he turned around to face her.

“Eren… I don’t… I don’t think I can…“, Mikasa was honestly feeling like an asshole right now. How long were they together? Three months? And he was nothing short of an amazing boyfriend. They gave each other “a hand“ multiple times by now, so why was she feeling so scared all of a sudden? He looked on her and followed her gaze to the bed and then back, realization dawning on his face.

“Wait, no it’s not like that. “

She arched an eyebrow, waiting for an explanation what does a prepared bed and him leading her into it does really mean then.

“Look I don’t want… that, not now. I just want to…“,he scratched the back of his head, really hoping that there would be a better word for the activity, but he just couldn’t think of any. “I want to….eat you out. Would that be okay? “

Mikasa stared at him for a time, putting together one and one until it finally clicked, and she really wanted a hole to open and just swallow her right where she was standing.

“You want to do…what? “

“Oh come on, what’s the worst thing that can happen. “

What indeed, she wondered as he pulled her to the bed. Eren seemed determined however, popping her jeans open and pulling them down her legs.

“Could you take your shirt off? “, he asked, his face also red but the grin somehow still holding.

“Is that really necessary? “

“Well… not really…“, he shrugged, once again scratching the back of his head. God, she was really acting as such a bitch right now. And for no reason, he just wanted to make her feel good damn it.

“Sorry, I’m just nervous. “, she shot him an apologetic smile and tugged her black top over her head, discarding it on the floor. He rewarded her with a smile of his own as he kneeled between her legs, gently pulling them apart. When he reached for her panties, he did look up to her, waiting to see if she perhaps didn’t want him to continue, but Mikasa steeled herself and raised her hips, letting him expose her delicate bits. Eren actually licked his lips, as if he was getting ready to eat some meal, the pervert, but just as she was about to comment on that he dipped his head down, applying his strategy that sometimes its better to act than to talk.

Following some advice he found on the internet, he started with slow and wide licks at her center. Mikasa seemed to react well to that, and soon her breaths were uneven as she watched him, wide-eyed. When he deemed her prepared enough, he upped his game, wandering inside her with the tip of his tongue, testing and tasting. Her eyes were glued to his face, but he could see the effect he had on her in other movements of her body. Hand that flew down to his head, or the fingers that clutched to his hair. Normally, Mikasa would find all of this disgusting. After all, he really didn’t hold back, using not only his tongue but also his lips, creating a really weird sounds from time to time. But for some reason she couldn’t phantom, it felt pretty good. Eren had no experience whatsoever, but he was more than making up for it with his enthusiasm and willingness to please her. He watched her, constantly, identifying all the small moves she made to see just what she enjoyed the most, or what she didn’t like. She didn’t need to talk, Eren seemed to have no problem deciphering the language of her body. Soon Mikasa could feel the tightening in her abdomen, coming slowly but surely, pulling all of her muscles together, and while he could see that happening a few times already, now that his face was between her thighs he had the perfect opportunity to observe the way her abs stood out beneath her skin. She was babbling something, words that were in between “yes”, “Eren” and “don’t stop”, her head clouding. So Eren did exactly what she wanted from him and kept going. This time her finish was heralded by a scream that she muffled by biting into her forearm, and her thighs pressed into the sides of his face, making him wonder if she’ll actually crush his skull in her wild abandonment. Just as he was about to say his final prayers Mikasa regained the control over her body and released him from his wet prison. Eren thanked her for her mercy by kissing his way back up until he reached her lips, planting a gentle loving peck on them.

“You okay? “, he asked, smoothing the wild strands of hair that were covering about half of her face away from the world, “How did I do? “

“I’m…“, she swallowed, “I’m fine, that was….great. Thank you. “

He just grinned in the way that made her heart flutter.

“Happy birthday. “

She didn’t understand this. Mikasa watched her boyfriend as he lay with his hand in her lap, humming to himself, completely satisfied with the world. What was he planning?

“Oh damn, he went down on you already? “, Sasha laughed, shaking her head, when she told her the news about her love life yesterday, “You rock, girl. “

“Yea, it was pretty damn great. “, Mikasa picked at her food, biting her bottom lip, “I just…. Don’t know why he did it, that’s all. He got nothing out of it. “ She really couldn’t wrap her head around it. For her, it was all the pleasure she could ask for, but for him, it was only a drenched face and a massive hard-on they didn’t do anything about, because she was way too exhausted by his performance and he just seemed….content. He was weird, that’s what he was.

“He probably did it just so you will suck his dick in the future. “, Sasha picked out another piece of chocolate and put it in her mouth, “Guys are really into that. “

“I…what? “

“Suck his dick. “ Sasha looked up from her food, and when she saw the way Mikasa was stunned she pulled her eyebrows together, “What? Why are you so surprised? “

“No I mean…. I….“, so she was supposed to do …. That now? She pushed her plate away, the meal not looking exactly appetizing right now. Now that was something she was not looking forward to.

“It’s not that bad. “, Sasha reached out and patted her arm before picking up another piece of chocolate, “Just don’t forget to pull away if you don’t want to swallow. “

Right, that helped.

But Eren didn’t ask her to do anything. He didn’t even talk about it or indicated that he expected something in return for his services. The crowning moment came this morning, when out of nowhere he kissed her when they woke up, and before she realized what was happening he was back between her legs.

“I got classes soon but, “, pushing a finger beneath the elastic of her panties, he looked up with a grin, “I got time for breakfast before, you in? “

Her greedy body reacted before her mind could, and Mikasa’s hips raised on their own allowing him to pull the underwear down her legs and throw it away. And her brain, who was tackling the question what the hell was happening in a just woke up mode, was quickly silenced when he dipped down again, and his mouth went to work.

And now, after school, here he was, once again not indicating even a tiny bit that she was indebted to him and he expected a payback.

“What do you want? “, she blurted out, staring down at him.

“What do I want? “, he popped one eye open, “I want you to just sit there and look pretty for a few more minutes, “ he even had the audacity to grin, bastard, “your thighs are really comfortable. “

When she didn’t smile back but continued glaring at him like he just killed her cat, he sat up, confused. “Miki, what’s wrong? “, he asked.

“Don’t Miki me, pervert. “, she wanted to say something more, to lay it on him thick, but she had…nothing. What was she supposed to be mad on him about when he didn’t do anything? So she turned her back to him instead, folding her hands on his chest. Eren’s confusion was reaching levels never thought possible before. Pervert? There was only one perverted thing he did she could be mad about.

“Look… Did you want me to stop this morning? “, but she was just so damn loud, moaning her pleasure out, what did he do wrong? “I’m sorry, you looked like you enjoyed it…“

Oh she enjoyed it. She enjoyed it very much, because that smug scoundrel seemed to remember what she liked from the last time, and applied it rather skillfully, making his second time even better than the first. But that wasn’t the point. He only did it because he wanted his…thingy…sucked. Right?

“Hey…Babe…“, he finally gathered enough courage to put a hand on her shoulder, gently turning her until they were face to face again. “What did I do wrong? Talk to me, please. “

“Why did you do… what you did, this morning? “, she couldn’t look at him, so she watched her hands instead, “You didn’t….get anything for it. “

“I….Uhm… “ Wait what, THAT was the problem? “I did it because you liked it. And when you are happy, I am happy. “, he shook his head in disbelief, “I love you, I want you to feel good, what’s so hard to understand about it? “

When Mikasa looked up, she could see that he wasn’t lying. It was simple as that, really. Maybe…maybe Sasha was wrong after all. But seeing him like this, it made her question if it would really be so bad to do it for him. After all, she loved him too, no? Eren was still confused when she all but ripped his shirt off and pushed him back until he was lying down, kissing him vigorously, biting into his lips. She left him soon, however, and made her way down his throat, getting onto his chest.

“You should start going to the gym with me. “, she whispered into his skin, leaving black lipstick marks in her wake as she continued down. Eren didn’t look half bad, but his muscles could definitely use some shaping, they were nowhere as defined as hers.

“You know, I might just do that, “, he said as he watched her plant kisses over his stomach, but still sinking lower and lower. He had no idea what made her act like this, but he didn’t mind it at all.

When Mikasa looked up, and saw him looking at her, the fire in his eyes burning bright, she could feel her own cheeks coloring.

“Don’t stare. “

“Sorry. “

He didn’t look away. So she punished him by dragging her fingernails down his chest, making him hiss as the red marks stood out in between the black lipstick prints. There it was, the top of his sweatpants. Mikasa took a deep breath and pulled them down his legs mentally preparing herself. She could see it now, straining against the fabric of his boxers, clearly enjoying her actions so far. Eren must have noticed her hesitation, because she could feel his hand on her hair as he tilted her head to look at him.

“Miki, you don’t have to do this. “, he said, smiling at her, “You don’t have to do anything. “

But this, this pushed her over the edge. For some reason, Eren was so willing to do all the things for her, and just ignore his own needs. If that wasn’t love, she didn’t know what was.

“I want to. “, she said, returning his smile. “I’m sure. “

With that, she removed the last barrier standing between her and his erection, which sprung free right away. Mikasa began with something she knew, wrapping her fingers around him and stroking him, slowly. Wanting to get a taste of what was about to come, she pushed her face closer and licked him, from the bottom to the top. All right, maybe it wasn’t the meal of a century, but it was nowhere as bad as she expected it to be. Curious how it would feel like, she opened her mouth and took him in. Eren swore above her, the hand in her hair tightening. But he didn’t try moving it for her, he knew better than that. If Mikasa wanted to make him feel good, she’s going to do it at her own pace, no way around it. Her hair was getting in the way, damn thing, so she paused for a moment and fished out a hair tie, making a quick ponytail before going back down. It was a bit like eating a lollypop, she decided, using her tongue to trace the shape of him inside her. Mushroom, that’s what it resembled a bit. Back when he went down on her, he moved slow, taking his time, so she followed his example. Slowly, carefully, she mapped him, moving up and down at lingering pace, trying out different things. She could swallow around him, which made him moan, or lightly drag her teeth over the head, producing the same result. Her experiments went on for some time, with Eren feeling like he was dead and in heaven already, until she thought of another thing to try. Wanting to see just how deep she could take him, she dipped her head down and continued, lower and lower, until the head hit the back of her throat. Mikasa gagged, pulling her mouth from him and coughing, covering her lips with one hand. Okay, maybe that was a little bit too deep. But the small setback did nothing to discourage her, and before Eren could babble something, most likely to apologize even though it was entirely her doing, she delved back in.

He was close. The release was burning inside him, and while he did his best to hold it back, there was only so much he could do. “Miki… I’m going to…. I can’t….“, he pulled at her hair to emphasize his point, but she didn’t pull away. Instead he could feel that she swallowed around him, hollowing her cheeks, and pumped the rest with fervor. Overwhelmed, he came, and she took it all, not pulling away until he was completely done and oversensitive, begging her to stop.

“So how did I do? “, she asked, not able to keep herself from laughing when she saw how wrecked he was. He actually had tears in the corners of his eyes, mixing with the sheen of sweat that coated his exposed skin. In the end, it was pretty okay, but seeing him like this, that made it completely and utterly worth. Eren didn’t seem to care much for talking, as he pulled her to him and kissed her on her swollen lips instead, relaying his response by a physical way of things.

When they finally crossed the last line, it was on no special occasion, or planned or anything. It just sorts of… happened. They were together for six months back then, with the last three filled with an endless competition about who is better at giving oral. The movie was playing on the background again, but neither of them cared. Both their shirts and her bra were lying on the floor already, black over white, and the only time their mouths parted was when the need of air was just too great to ignore. But when Eren kissed the tops of her breast and tried moving lower, she stopped him.

“I… want to go all the way. Tonight. “, she said, her gaze expectant as she watched him take the information in.

“Okay…“, was all he said for a time, as he sat back on his heels, “but I don’t have a condom. “

“Oh, right. “

“Yea…“

But Mikasa was determined, and when she was, there was nothing that could stop her. Standing up, she left the room and invaded Sasha’s privacy, going through her things until she found a box she was looking for, shamelessly stealing one of the packages and going back to her boyfriend. She held it up with a smile, but when she moved her hand to rip it open it was Eren who stopped her.

“Look, let’s be honest. “, he looked a bit embarrassed, but kept talking, “I won’t last. This will be my first time and you…. You are simply too much. “

She shrugged. “So what? “

“So let me go down on you first. “, he winked at her, “I meant it when I said I want us both to enjoy it as much as we can. “

Defeated by his sound logic, she led him to the bedroom and lay down on the bed, finding a comfortable position as he put her legs on his shoulders. He made her feel good all right, so good that she was sure the whole dorm heard her. When she finished, and they got over the problem of actually putting the condom on, which took them about five minutes, because they couldn’t stop laughing for some reason, he kissed her and once again covered her body as they found themselves in the same position as six months prior. Same, but oh so different at the same time. For starters, they were both completely naked, and when she traced her hands down his body she could feel the subtle changes the three months of gym-going with her caused. Eren was certainly a bit more toned. There was no fear in her, no disgust. She didn’t even think about looking away, more than happy to sink her teeth into his bottom lip. And yes, there was some discomfort when he first entered her, but it quickly dissipated and ebbed away, replaced by the feeling of being full of him. She drew her pleasure on his back with her nails, bit it into his neck, marking him as hers. Eren was very happy that he took care of her needs first, both because the added wetness helped him slide inside her, but also because he could feel his finish approaching at an alarming rate, very sure that she was nowhere as close as he was. She was so tight and warm around him, it felt like nothing he ever experienced so far, and easily topped the charts. He couldn’t fight this, not this time, so he surrendered to the flow, thrusting at a steady rate until he spilled inside the rubber.

When their breathing calmed, and he discarded the used condom into the thrash, they just lay in bed, bodies tangled together, not minding the sweat that cooled down on them.

“Eren, “, she found her voice, tracing the lovebites she left on him with the tip of her finger. “I’m so happy that we took it slow. “

“You are worth it, “ , he said, pressing his forehead to hers, looking deep into her eyes. “Thousand times over. “

And if this was not love, then neither of them knew what was.

[soapy0-0]

Are you still doing the four word prompts? Could you do "Just stay with me." for ereri?

Yes I am still doing the four word prompts! I don’t write much during the weekdays but I was very excited to get an anon so I figured I had to do something! 

I did have a little trouble coming up with something for this one, but I managed to figure something out and I really hope you like it!!

Warning: Minor Character Death. It’s not on screen or in detail but it’s mentioned.

Just Stay With Me

Levi sighed as he stepped into his apartment after the longday he had had, the long week even. He was overwhelmingly happy that it was Fridayand he could just relax for the next two days; sit on the couch, watch some TV,maybe have a glass of wine or two.

“YOU SONUVABITCH” Eren’s voice rang through the apartment.

“Eren turn off that damn game! You know how you get when youplay it.” Levi growled, doing his best to suppress a small smirk as he walked towardthe living room where his roommate as engrossed in a video game.

Levi had been tentative about his younger roommate; never havinglived with anyone but close friends his entire adult life, but being the lastof the group left single, he didn’t have much option unless he wanted to remaina third wheel  for the rest of his life.

What surprised him the most, after countless interviews ofrandom strangers looking to share his living space, was that Eren didn’t seemthat bad. He was polite and tidy, considerate of schedules and personal space,and after everything else Levi had seen during this process, he offered the apartmentto Eren immediately.

What surprised Levi even more was that Eren was more thantolerable, Levi actually found himself liking the younger man, enjoying thetime spent with him, and after two years of living together Levi consideredEren one of his best friends.

“But I’m so close! AHHH!!” Eren shouted at the screen,leaning forward with muscles so tense they could shatter with one wrong move,as the music signalling Eren’s game death rang through the speakers and Eren’shead fell in shame.

“I was so close.” Eren whispered dejectedly and Levi did hisbest not to chuckle at the display.

The last surprise; much bigger than the others and one that Levihad never dreamed to expect, was the feelings he had developed for Eren overthe past two years of living together. He hadn’t noticed them at first; he justappreciated how easy Eren was to live with, though he would have had to be anidiot not to notice how attractive Eren was as well; the man had legs for days,a smile that wouldn’t quit, and the biggest, most spectacular eyes Levi hadever seen.

Eren’s beautiful face and fantasy inducing body were easyenough to ignore; even if Eren had a habit of walking around the house in nomore than a damp towel on occasion, but as they got to know each other betterand Levi realized Eren was more than just a good looking twenty-something, and heknew that he was in over his head.

Luckily Levi was terrible at showing emotion or flirting, ormaybe Eren was just oblivious, or not even remotely interested, either way Levihad yet to ruin their relationship with his stupid crush and that was all thatmattered.

“Aww, too bad.” Levi chuckled, patting Eren on the head playfully. 

“How about we order pizza and play Mario Kart?” he suggested, his stomachflipping as Eren looked up at him with a dazzling smile and sparkle in his eye.

“Yes!” Eren said, jumping up and pulling his phone out of hispocket. 

“You go change and I’ll order the usual.”

Levi couldn’t help but to smile at Eren’s enthusiasm,finding it completely charming and adorable. He gave Eren a nod and made hisway to the bathroom for a quick shower and a change of clothes before getting comfortablewith their game and dinner for the evening.

It was a regular Friday night for the two, neither of themever seeming to have dates or plans for the evening, though Levi could neverunderstand why someone like Eren didn’t have people lined up at the door, readyto take him out. He didn’t question it, just enjoyed their time together.

They were about to start a movie when Levi’s phone began tobuzz beside him, a long distance number with his old area code on the screen.

“Hello?” He asked, Eren pausing the movie and looking atLevi curiously.

“Hello, Mr. Ackerman?” The voice on the other line askedformally.

“Yes.”

“I regret to inform you Mr. Ackerman, but your Uncle, KennyAckerman has passed.”

Levi barely registered the rest of the conversation, givinga few “Mhmm”, “Yes”, “I understand” as the voice listed off information asthough reading from a grocery list. He barely knew what he had been told, allhis mind could process was that Uncle Kenny was dead.

“My Uncle… died.” Levi was when the call finally ended and Eren stared at him with concern. 

“I have to fly out tomorrow, I have to arrangehis funeral, I have to take care of his estate… He left everything to me… I… Ihaven’t seen him in years.” Levi explained, feeling dazed and separate from hisown body as the words fell from his mouth.

He hadn’t seen Kenny in years, not since Levi was a childand Kenny left him in a foster home when things were getting complicated. Theyspoke again years later, Kenny finally tracking him down and apologizing; theywere on good terms again, Levi planning to visit, though the visit neverhappened. He was too busy, too much was going on, he would do it later.

Levi felt a stray tear slip down his cheek at the thoughtthat it was now too late.

“What do you need me to do? I’ll get my laptop, book us sometickets, where is he? I’ll look up a florist and funeral home.” Eren saidjumping up and rushing over to grab his computer.

“Think there’s enough time to get our suits dry cleaned?Should I call Mikasa, I know she didn’t know him, but she’s family too right? Isthere anywhere to stay there? Should I book a hotel?” Eren rambled, pacingaround the room searching his phone while the laptop booted up.

“Eren.” Levi said softly, drawing Eren’s attention tohimself instantly as the younger man sat back down beside him, looking into hiseyes, Levi’s chest warming slightly at the unbridled caring he saw in them.

“What do you need? Are you okay? Tell me what I should do.”Eren insisted quietly, his hand holding Levi’s lightly.

“Just stay with me.”Levi whispered, watching Eren relax, a soft smile on is face as he shifted back,placing an arm around Levi’s shoulder as Levi leaned back into his chest asEren rubbed his arm soothingly.

Eren knew of the relationship Levi had with Kenny, he hadspilled some of it to him not long after Kenny had contacted him again, but hestill he didn’t pry or ask questions, just sat quietly and held Levi in hisarms as Levi’s mind raced with thoughts of mortality.

“It’s too late.” Levi whispered, breaking the silence. “I wasnervous to get to know him again. I kept putting it off, waiting for later. Imissed my chance.”

“I’m sure Kenny understood.” Eren said softly.

“How many more chances am I going to miss because I’m toonervous to act on them?” Levi asked as Eren tightened his grip around hisshoulder but remaining silent.

“Will I miss out on you?” Levi asked, leaning to look up intoEren’s widening eyes.

“I-I’m right here Levi.” He stammered quietly.

“Will you still be here if I tell you I love you? That I’veloved you for a while and I don’t want to miss my chance with you because I’mtoo nervous to tell you.” Levi asked.

“I’m not going anywhere.” Eren said, his eyes staring intoLevi’s with brilliant intensity.

Levi stared back, smiling softly before tucking his headback under Eren’s chin, closing his eyes and listening to the steady beat ofEren’s heart through his chest, feeling Eren’s lips press against the top of his head.

“Good.”

[xxwinterchillxx]

Halloween Dance and Some Unfortunate Events

Summary:

Levi is willing to go all the way to get Eren to go with him to the Halloween Dance. But things get complicated since Levi cannot show any sign of intelligence around the German hottie. However, he isn’t taking no for an answer.

Rating - Teen and Up Audiences

Categories - M/M

Relationships - Levi/Eren, background relationships, Moblit/Hanji, Armin/Erwin, Krista|Historia/Ymir

Chapters - 2/?

Read below cut or read on AO3

Chapter 2: Hello

“Do you think he likes lemons?”

 I looked up to see Hanji sniffing a stick of deodorant and then rubbing it on her neck vigorously. We were chilling in the library. Maybe this is why nobody sits next to us at school. Not that I mind though.

Erwin looked up from his book, “I don’t know, Hanji. I thought Moblit likes the smell of lime not lemons.”

“They’ve the same smell, yeah,” Hanji tried to convince herself doubtfully. I rolled my eyes when she started rubbing it on her violently again.

She is so lucky. Moblit is literally so into her that he would still serenade her even if she smelled like piss. Hanji told me once that she talks to Moblit every day on the phone. So I don’t know why she’s freaking out so much over such trivial stuff.

“Hey, Erwin,” I said, not looking up from my book.

“Yeah?”

“Just out of curiosity, who are you going to the dance with?”

Before he replied, Hanji snorted mockingly, “Ha, you know, it’d be pretty funny if you go with that Armin freak. He looks so much like you it’ll look like you’re taking out your cousin.”

I could see Erwin opening and then closing his mouth like a fish.

I joined in the jeer. “Yeah, their eyebrows even match! What do you even do to make them look so… bushy?” Hanji slapped her thigh and we both snickered uncontrollably.

Erwin nervously shifted his position.

“So anyway, who’re ya goin’ with?”

“… Armin…”

  Honestly, I can’t even.

I mean, to go from a glam like me to Armin is just insulting.

  Now that I look back on it, Hanji and I should’ve been much more supportive. We just spent the whole library session talking smack to Erwin about Armweird (Ha, get it? I’m weird) and why he shouldn’t go with him. I think I remember Hanji even making a small bullet list of Armin’s faults. Erwin’s a pretty tough guy and he just shrugged it off. But he called us ‘jerks’.

Armin’s totally the sore thumb of Eren’s group.

 ~~oOo~~

Hanji and I stood leaning near some random door in the hallway, judging the people that would walk past us.

“I don’t get why Jean is so popular.” She earnestly remarked aloud as Jean passes us by.

He seemed to have heard it and glared long at Hanji. He probably thought he was shooting daggers at her but then I shot him one of my darkest looks and growled, “Keep walking, horse-face.”

And he did.

Man, I love it when people do that.

“Hey, you know what we should do?” yapped Hanji out enthusiastically.

“What?”

She excitedly tore a page from her book. I waited in bated breath while she scribbled down something in it. Her smile was eventually getting wider. Before I could even ask her what was going on, she tore the page in two and handed one to me.

“Let’s drop junk mail in Eren’s locker!”

I scrunched up my nose, “Sure.” Then I looked at my paper. In it was written-

‘hey hottie, I like your ass. Let’s do shit together sometime. btw #gototheDancewithme” and then a lot of xo’s.

“What if he figures out who wrote it?”

“No, he won’t. He’s dumb.”

I smirked, “This is dumb.”

“Everyone likes to mess with their crushes.”

I wanted to laugh with her but then I noticed the other paper. I tried to take a peek, “And what’s written on that?”

At that, Hanji smiled even wider.

‘Stay the fuck away from my date, doll face. I’d give you the finger but I see you already have two sticking up your cheap ass.

P.S. I know you hook up with Ymir behind the bleachers.

<3 xoxo’

“What the fuck, Hanji?”

Hanji heaved proudly, “Well, as your best friend, I have decided it’s time for Levi to terminate Eren’s side-hoes permanently for good.”

I frowned, “But-”

“And we hate her.”

I kept quiet for a minute, processing the plan. Krista would bawl her eyes out like the melodramatic bitch she is but she’d keep it bottled up to herself. So, there is no risk of Eren or anyone else for that matter finding out about it. And I know for a fact that Krista is a two-faced motherfucker whom everyone falls for. And if anyone could ruin my chances of being Eren’s sugar-tits, it’s that asshole.

Hanji looked at me happily, “Oh and we can use my name to sign the note to Krista!!”

I clenched my fists and shot my darkest look to Hanji, “Fuck that. Let’s sign my name underneath it.”

“Now we’re talking.”

“Fuck yeah, give me that note.”

Ugh, Krista’s so stupid. My hate has been seeded deep for 3 years. I used to mildly hate her ever since she and Eren seemed to go all lovey-dovey. Then that fool Moblit had the guts to tell me and I quote: “Maybe you hate her because you feel threatened by her presence. People get upset when someone more attractive than them has a crush on their crushes.”

I won’t go into further details but it ended ugly, really ugly. I pushed him. He didn’t really fall but he apologised. He learned his lesson.

Now that I think about it, I don’t think he was very intimidated by my push.

 Anyway, we dropped the letters. Surely, Krista will now let go of Eren and all that’s left is Mikasa and those other goons. I can easily set myself apart from those idiots and Eren doesn’t like Mikasa very much so the rest is easy-peasy.

I’ll ask Eren out. Easy-peasy-lemon-squeasy.

And if he refuses, I am going to go back to France and live there for the rest of my life as a whore under the name Consuela.

 ~~oOo~~

Petra kept talking and talking to me in algebra today so I didn’t even get a chance to even look at Eren who was sitting to my right. To be honest, I really wasn’t paying any attention and was just idly watching her jaw move up and down when I thought I saw someone behind her looking at me. So I focused on the person sitting in the other row. It’s that Krista.

She was staring me directly in the eyes. How dare she? No one, literally no one can do that with me. And she winked at me and smiled before turning away, giggling to her friends.

I threw up in my mouth, I swear. This very obvious signal of hers can only mean that she has read my note. But the main thing is that she fucking disrespects my name. That little blonde fucker. Well, guess what, princess? You’re getting pushed ….by Hanji.

Then she’ll know who to fear in this school.

The bell rang.

I got up and strode over to her bench wearing the darkest frown I could muster. Petra looked confused but she still followed after me.

Krista, instead of running away into the arms of her much more athletic friend, Ymir, ran up to me instead.

Before I could process it, she blushed and smiled shyly, “Yes, Levi.”

“Excuse me?”

Then, she gave me a big hug, “I agree to go to the dance with you!!” I could feel everyone’s eyes looking at us.

Oh hell no!! I shoved her off and rushed to the Hanji’s class hurriedly. I bumped into something in the doorway. It was Eren. He looked visibly upset. He looked like he wanted to ask me something but I shouted, “Well, excuse you.” And ran past him.

Breathlessly, I arrived in front of Hanji.

She stopped deadpan in her walk and stared at me. “This can’t be good.”

Through pants, I manged to say, “Of course it fucking isn’t. We screwed up, Hanji. We screwed up big time.”

 Hanji and I had a long talk, figuring out what happened and after about 5 minutes, we managed to put the pieces together-

I signed my name under the paper which we were supposed to give to Krista. As per the actual plan. But the universe had decided to fuck me over. Due to a miscommunication, Hanji thought I meant that we should sign my name under both the notes. Which would’ve been embarrassing enough on its own when Eren finds it in his locker. But no. We didn’t just screw up once. We screwed up twice. We apparently switched the notes and Krista now thinks that I am asking her out.

“Oh my god, I called my crush a lesbian, Ymir-kissing slut with fingers up his ass.”

“Eren hasn’t had any free classes.”

“What?”

“Since the moment we dropped the notes, Eren hasn’t checked his locker because he didn’t have any free classes.”

“Holy shit, that means we can still fix it!”

“Ooohh mmyy good, Levi, he has a free period now!!”

We dashed through the hallway, pushing past the people. There was Eren standing in front of his locker, talking to Mikasa about something while idly pushing the buttons to open it. As soon as he saw me, he stopped talking and stared. Normally, I would’ve blushed and gone all jelly and stupid. But this was an emergency.

I didn’t even think twice before I shoved him onto Mikasa and yanked his locker open, breaking the lock along with it. Hanji grabbed the note and sighed loudly, “Oh thank God!”

And only then did I realise the consequences of my actions. Eren was still staring at me. But not in the smizing way; instead, he was looking aghast. I had shouted at him earlier and now, I literally threw him to Mikasa and broke his locker. All the while looking like a dishevelled nut-job.

Hanji confidently smiled to Eren and chimed, “Someone has been using Levi’s name and dropping random notes in people’s lockers.”

I nodded my head vigorously and mentally hugged Hanji damn hard. Eren’s mouth formed an ‘O’ shape. I said to him, “Sorry about the locker. I’ll fix it sometime.” That was probably the most logical sentence I had ever said to him.

He shrugged, “No problem. So… you didn’t ask Krista out?” He tilted his adorable head and smiled slyly at me, his gorgeous green eyes glittering mischievously.

Oh boy… here comes the jelly and the stupid…

“Neigh-neigh.”

 Maybe this is my punishment for calling Jean a horse-face.

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