#episode 35 fucked me up

[jason-please-see-a-psychiatrist]

so that was atrociously written right. like im not the only one who hated it

[violentdevotion]

wait do you have a fav boys character yet ?

i really like butcher but i feel like that's a basic answer and also the wrong answer. in another world id like frenchie but i can't get over how much i hate the actor. I love maeve theres never a moment she's on screen where im thinking get this woman outta here she's always entertaining to me. i like starlight but (and this is probably a bit nasty to say) there's smth a little uncanny valley about her sometimes where when she's talking im not listening but staring at her face trying to see what features throwing me off. I hate ashley but the actress played an insufferable character in jessica jones too and I really appreciate her ability to play The Most annoying woman you know.

centrist answer i like them all (except stormfront. hated her before i even knew she was a nazi. she was on insta live and i was waiting for her to explode and die) but my fave would have to be butcher bc i find im rooting for him the most and constantly justifying his actions. but sometimes karl urbans accent pisses me off. also black noir but he doesn't Do anything so it's hard to have him as a fave bc he's barely there.

[hollenka99]

Thinking of "The worst thing that has ever happened to me has already happened" to combat the pain of realising all the shit Asrit Frien went through all happened before she was 40.

[yellowharrington]

wildflower and barley -- joel miller x reader

pairing + fandom: joel miller x reader, the last of us (hbo)

word count: 5k+ oops

warnings/notes: smut smut smut!!! minors DNI, 18+!!! no outbreak!au. age gap (it's implied reader is in her 20s while joel is 45) and mentions of joel being kinda perverted and liking it lol. drinking (both reader and joel, not excessive), use of a dating app like tinder but not specified, unprotected PIV w creampie and oral (m+f receiving), do not fuck your tinder hookups without protection i'm just horny and gross. excessive use of darlin' as a nickname. implied that reader likes men. she/her pronouns used, afab!reader (with mentions of body parts), no use of y/n. if i missed anything lmk!

a/n: heavily inspired by this post by @yesttoheaven about joel's tinder profile!! it has been rotting my brain since i saw it which literally inspired me to write my first fic in the tlou fandom ever so please be gentle with me. i imagined show!joel because i've never played the game so do with that what you will. please reblog and leave comments if u enjoy it <3333

divider by @cafekitsune

summary: after deciding to change your age range on a dating app in hope of a change of scenery, you stumble across joel miller.

No one likes using dating apps.

Swiping left, left, left mindlessly at troves of men holding fish, showing off their trucks, or with deer heads mounted to the walls behind their selfies holding guns.

This was Texas, after all.

Having just moved here, it was a little shocking, to say the least. But you were getting used to the “eligible” bachelors that were your age generally looking and acting the same. When you did end up finding someone of interest, you were usually turned off pretty quickly by whatever shitty pick-up line they had chosen. Or, your personal favourite, “wanna fuck?”

No thanks.

It was an idyllic summer evening, the hot stuffy air of Austin flowing in through your windows. You laid in bed, propped up on the pillows against your headboard and sorting through the faces that adorned your screen. No one particularly interesting, as usual, and every profile was starting to melt together to look the same.

You sighed, looking into your settings, adjusting and increasing different metrics to hopefully change the pool just enough for there to be someone new or interesting. 

Age range: 25-30

Your eyebrow cocked as you looked onto the screen, pulling the slider more to the right experimentally. No one was here to see you, and even though it was slightly embarassing to be interested in older men, you’d be lying if you said it didn’t pique your interest to imagine it. Even just to try, and see, if they ever really did grow up. You imagined it was wishful thinking, but increased the range anyways.

Age range: 35-45

Feeling the need to throw your phone across the room after doing that, you placed it face down under your pillow and slid out of bed. No use in swiping through them now, and you were getting tired of looking. A pint of Ben and Jerry’s and a new episode of your favourite show was waiting for you downstairs.

‧₊˚ ☁️⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ☾

Joel Miller does not use dating apps.

He barely knows how to send a text on his phone, let alone navigate the world of online women. Not to say he didn’t explore the options, so to speak, but they usually were not ones that were single, his age, and in his area. Unless the ads on those sites were real, that is.

“It’s starting to get sad,” Sarah had remarked at breakfast, when they got on the topic, and Joel feigned hurt. Hand over his heart, he dropped his fork onto the plate. “It’s not sad, Jesus. I’m just busy, is all.”

“Busy not gettin’ busy,” Sarah remarked, and Joel’s eyes widened. “Hey now! None of that.”

A blush spread up his cheeks and ears as they continued to eat breakfast in slightly awkward silence, before Joel took his plate to the sink. “Okay, off to school, you. And no more conversations about my dating life. Ever.”

Sarah laughed as she finished off the last of the juice in her glass. “I’m just saying, dad. You can if you want to. Might be nice for you.”

Joel planted a soft kiss to her head before she bounded out the door, rolling his eyes and calling out a ‘love you’ before she closed the door swiftly behind her. Joel stared at his cell phone on the table. Maybe it would be nice.

‧₊˚ ☁️⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ☾

The following evening, you were a little too excited to see the dating app specimens you had acquired. Not sure what to expect, really, and you went in with no expectations. It’s not like they’d magically all be tall, dark, and handsome, but some variety never killed anybody.

Paul, 41

Daddy, but not yours. No libs allowed. 6’ because that matters.

You sighed deeply. Some things never change. 

After swiping through much of what you were used to, a profile managed to catch your eye among the sea of disappointment.

Joel, 45

Just a Southern gentleman trying this out for the first time. Contractor of over 10 years. I love my daughter, BBQ, strong coffee, and sleeping in. 

Now that was the most interesting thing you’d seen in a while.

He didn’t look a day over 40. His eyes creased at the corners when he smiled wide in his photos. He looked tan, a product of the Texas heat and his job, you thought. His features were accompanied by salt-and-pepper facial hair and messy curls that looked soft and pliable. His photos showed off his physique incredibly, tight wash-worn t-shirts pulling over his arms and shoulders, looking big, broad. He was no doubt the most handsome man you’d seen on an app, maybe ever.

When you swiped right before you could think too hard, you were surprised to see the green “Match!” Flash across your screen.

Your fingers ghosted over the keyboard on your phone, thinking of a witty thing to say, probably for too long.

Your phone buzzed as you saw a notification pop up.

Joel has sent you a message.

Hey, darlin’. How are ya?

You felt your face warm at the sweet message, when was the last time someone had called you darlin’? Ever?

Hey cowboy. I’m great, how are you?

He was certainly an eager responder, taking only a few seconds to reply. You found yourself smiling down at your phone screen.

Cowboy… I like that. I’m better now that I’m talking to you.

Oh, Joel, who told you to say that? 😂

No good?

Not bad. 6/10. 

Only 6/10? I’ll work on it. I like to think I’m better in person. 

I would love to find out. 

You found yourself emboldened by how easy the conversation was flowing. Joel was certainly easy to talk to, easier than the other matches you had going for you, and infinitely more handsome.

Oh, would you? Alright. I’d love to take you to dinner sometime. If you don’t mind being seen with an old man such as myself in public. Or meeting a stranger from the internet.

He’s a very handsome stranger. I would love to go to dinner with you. Know any good spots? I’m new around here.

There’s a great barbecue spot in downtown Austin. If you’d prefer something fancier, let me know.

I love bbq. Just tell me where and when, cowboy.

Tomorrow, 7pm ok?

You sent him your phone number in the message. Fuck it.

Sounds great. Text me the address, I’ll be there. :)

Joel’s reply didn’t come. Instead, a text appeared at the top of your screen with an unknown number. 

It’s Joel. This the right number?

Yup. You found me.

Great. Talk tomorrow sweetheart. Looking forward to it. :)

He texted you the address of the restaurant, right before you opened the contact card, saving his name as “cowboy ♡”.

‧₊˚ ☁️⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ☾

Cowboy. Cowboy. Cowboy. It was playing over in his head like a broken fuckin’ record. 

Joel was positively freaking out about this date.

Sarah had managed to secure a sleepover at her friend’s place, so the house would be empty for the night. He had been busying himself with cleaning the entirety of the house, even taking the time to mow the grass before work and vacuum the family room. He can’t remember the last time he vacuumed anywhere.

Would she even make it back here? How does this work? Will she want to sleep over or hang out on the couch or should he be making a dessert for after?

His mind was brought out of it’s craze by Sarah jumping down the stairs. She plopped her bag down on the freshly wiped countertop.

“Careful,” he warned, putting a hand up. “I just cleaned that off.”

“I can tell. It smells like the cleaning aisle threw up in here.”

He smirked before patting her head with his hand, as she aggressively smoothed out her hair. “Dad! Don’t!”

“When do you wanna go to Ellie’s?” He asked, more gaging how long he has left to get ready than actually asking.

“Probably soon. Why? Tryna get rid of me?” she poked her dad in the side, but when she flinched away instead, a large smile spread across her face. He was tense.

“What’s your deal?” Joel hated the way she knew him so well sometimes.

“Nothing.“

“Are you going on a date?”

Silence fell over the kitchen between the two of them, as Joel’s shoulders slumped in defeat. “How did you know?”

“Oh my god, you actually took my advice,” Sarah laughed, watching her dad’s face burn red with embarrassment. “Just don’t do anything weird on communal surfaces, please.”

Joel shook his head at her suggestion, already becoming annoyed with the whole prospect. He was so nervous, about what to wear, how to act, what the expectation was… let alone, what would happen if they made it back to his place at all. 

Although, when he was able to shake his nerves for a second, he was just really fucking excited.

“Wear those dark jeans, and that green shirt you wore to Tommy’s last week. Looks good on you.” Sarah smiled as she put her arms around Joel’s middle, while his worries melted away with her touch. “She’ll love you, I promise.”

‧₊˚ ☁️⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ☾

It had been such a long time since you’d been on a proper date, you were starting to lose your mind at the simple process of deciding what to wear.

Clothes were strewn across every surface of your apartment, shoes matching with jeans that matched with cardigans, tops that matched with belts and jackets.

It’s 87 degrees at 5 o’clock, idiot. You’re not wearing a jacket. Relax.

Exhausted of picking out outfits and making decisions, you collapsed on your couch and took a look at your options. You landed on an easy sundress, putting the rest of your clothes back in their respective drawers, and pulling out all of the products you were expecting to use to get ready.

You scrolled through your phone aimlessly as a notification bubble popped up on the screen.

We still on for tonight darlin’? Or did you change your mind?

No worries if you did. I respect that.

You let out a cackle at the message, thinking about how he must look right now. Was he nervous? Scared? Was he just looking for a controversially young fuck?

You weren’t… completely against that.

Didn’t change my mind, wouldn’t in a million years :)

Meet you there. Can’t wait to see you.

His eagerness to meet up would’ve been a red flag if it were any other run of the mill guy, but something about Joel felt special. There didn’t seem to be any funny business with him; too sincere to try anything other than just a good old fashioned date.

You too, cowboy.

‧₊˚ ☁️⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ☾

When Joel showed up at the restaurant, he clenched a small bouquet of pink peonies in his right hand and checked his watch obsessively. The minutes ticked away, as he kept a high alert for anyone who could be his potential date. He knew what you looked like, of course, but this being his first time doing anything of this sort is making him hyperaware of anything going awry.

When he does lay eyes on you, his whole gaze softens. A pink sundress, hair pristinely styled and a bounce in your step that reminded him of summer. You looked like an angel, the sunset behind you painting the sky tangerine, which reflected off of the shine against your supple skin. So young, beautiful, it was taking his breath away.

“Joel?”

Your voice matched your sweet demeanour, and he was taken out of his waking daydream.

“Hi,” is all he can say, letting his breath out as he relaxed. “Yes, hi, sorry. I’m Joel.”

“Hi,” you laugh back, eyes darting to the flowers in his hand. They matched your dress.

“These are for you,” he gets the hint, extending his arm out, and you can see the veins bulging in his forearm. He looked so much stronger in person, it was making your knees go weak.

“Thank you, wow,” you held them up to your nose to smell the sweet aroma. “I love peonies.”

“Me too,” he smiled, showing off a string of pearly white teeth, that contrasted with the pink of his lips and the even tan of his skin.

“Shall we?” He extended his arm to you for you to grab onto, and you got to feel the warmth of his skin for yourself. Your hand wrapped around his forearm as he opened the door of the restaurant for you, leading you inside and catching a glimpse of the backs of your thighs as you walked in front of him.

‧₊˚ ☁️⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ☾

When you were finally sitting, the conversation flowed easily. He was truly a Southern gentleman, like he had said. It wasn’t normal for you to open up so quickly, but Joel was so easy going and smart, he asked the right questions and knew when to listen. He knew how to listen, a warm gaze and a nod along, asking follow up questions to your answers and easily getting to know you.

You asked about his daughter, his family, his work. He was happy to tell you. 

“So, what’s a man like you doing being single in this city?” You take a sip of the wine in the glass in front of you, burgundy staining your bottom lip. 

He takes a bite of the food in front of him, a napkin pressing to his lips quickly after. “Been busy,” he started to say, honey brown eyes meeting yours for a second. His gaze sent an electrifying pulse down your spine.

“And, well, when Sarah’s mom left there was a ton to do,” he says it nonchalantly, as if that should be something normal to happen. “House, work, school, she keeps my hands full. Hasn’t been a lot of time.” His syrupy drawl is pulling you in, you’re enticed by the way he speaks to you. So easy, warm, soft. You wonder what his hands feel like on your body, lips pressed to your neck, torso pressed against yours.

“Sorry, that’s a lot of information for a first date,” he laughs to cover the awkwardness, and quietly curses himself for going into so much detail about his precarious family situation and basically admitting to you that he hasn’t fucked anything other than his hand in the last 5 or so years.

“No, it’s okay,” you slide your hand across the table, palm up, urging him to slot his hand into it. He takes it, easily, enveloping yours. His fingers find the pulse point on your wrist. You let your eyes drift up to his, drinking in the way his chest fills out the shirt he chose.

“What’s your story?” He asks earnestly, giving your hand a squeeze. “Can’t imagine there isn’t a long line of people outside waiting to take my place, darlin’.”

You blush furiously at the nickname, and let your eyes meet his once again. “You have no idea the… mess that is out there,” the wine is calling your name to take another sip at the mere thought, but you refrain. “Certainly not too many I am interested in.”

“So, is that why you’re on a date with an old man on a beautiful summer night in Austin?”

You could tell Joel, in a twisted way, liked that you were younger than him. It made him feel younger by admission, that you’d want to spend time with him. 

“You’re not that much older,” you laugh, not even believing it yourself as the words left your lips. “And I like to try new things. Don’t you like trying new things, sometimes?”

It was his turn to let his face go red at your insinuation. If only you knew how ‘new’ this really was for him, how much he was pushed out of his comfort zone right now.

You didn’t notice. 

A little more polite small talk and exchanging of stories was all you could take before the tension was becoming too much. After another glass of wine and a shared plate of sky-high chocolate cake for dessert, you were enjoying his company and could tell he was enjoying yours all the same. When you met his gaze again, hands still intertwined, you could tell there was a question on the tip of his tongue.

“Would you want to…“ - a nervous pause, with a halo of lust - “come back to mine for a nightcap? I’ve got an empty house this evening.”

You couldn’t help but smirk, knowing in your heart that Joel must’ve made arrangements for his family not to be home in anticipation. He had to have planned for you, known in his heart you’d say yes.

“I’d love that.”

‧₊˚ ☁️⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ☾

Joel’s home is unmistakably him. It smells like a pine candle that sits near the front door and a faint aroma of laundry detergent. There’s photos everywhere, him and his daughter, his brother’s family. Big windows were letting in the twinkling lights of the city outside, the inky sky making them look brighter against its canvas.

“You have a beautiful home,” you say, although it seems a little formal for the situation. What else do you say to a grown-up in their house?

“Thank you,” he takes a bottle of whiskey from the bar cart and pours two rock glasses, handing you one. He flicks on a lamp, ambient light filling the room and painting his skin amber orange, as he joins your side by his kitchen table.

“I did a lot of the construction myself, the decorations are my daughter.” He points lazily to the trinkets on the shelves and photos on the wall. “I don’t really have a good eye for that type of stuff.” 

You take a sip from the drink and it coats your throat, burning down as you suppress a cough at the taste. You nod along as he explains the design choices he made in the home, and you play along, knowing it’s likely out of anxiety.

“What about upstairs?”

Your eyes are innocent as they meet his, although you understand the implication you’re making whole-heartedly. He puts his glass down on the kitchen table and you follow his lead, his strong hand around your wrist as he leads you up the stairs wordlessly.

“It’s not anything,” - he clears his throat - “special,” he shows you around the second floor, finishing at the door of his bedroom that has been left slightly ajar. 

You step in quietly, leading him inside as you take in the bedroom. Neatly folded clothes, a made bed that looks well loved. Blue sheets and fluffy pillows, big bay windows that let the moonlight in.

“I think it’s nice,” you say simply, letting yourself turn around to meet his broad frame. He looks down at you slightly, eyes meeting yours as your hand drops from his grasp and snakes around his neck. His hands come up the sides of your dress, pulling it up slightly, but landing on your waist.

“Is this okay?” He asks tentatively in the dark of the room, his lips so close to yours already you can practically taste the whiskey on his lips for yourself. You answer him by pressing your tentative lips to his, slotting them together easily.

Joel’s grip on your waist tightens momentarily as he takes you in, pulling you as close as he possibly can. He can smell the perfume on your neck and the wine on your lips from earlier, and it’s making his need for you increase tenfold. 

You pull him into you as you stumble back to let your knees hit his mattress, sitting down and letting your hands come to his belt buckle. Your hands came to undo it as he pulled his t-shirt off to throw onto the floor beside him, bending down to help you pull the dress over your shoulders to meet his t-shirt.

You made quick work of his jeans, pushing them to the ground and looking up at him with a keen glance. You could see the breath making his belly rise and fall, anticipating your touch on him any second.

When your hand wrapped around the base of his cock, his breath hitched and his head rolled back. He was already half-hard only from kissing you, so a few pumps made him easily ready for your mouth.

“You’re so big,” is all you can think to say, head spinning from the sheer size of him right in front of your face. Your mouth watered at the way his hand palmed through your hair, pulling you in closer to him for some relief.

It was intoxicating to him, the way your mouth fit around his cock. Such a beautiful sight to see, your head licking and sucking at his tip, gathering spit there to lubricate him. His knees were going weak as he watched intently, no thought able to cross his mind, other than maybe how long it had been since he’d had anyone to do this with. He was going to have to pace himself if it was all like this.

Your mouth constrained around the length of him, taking him deeper and deeper with every bob of your head. Filthy sounds were filling the room now, of your eager mouth pulling him in as best you could. His hand stayed steady at the back of your head, not pushing, just softly pressed there for support. His other hand found your shoulder, pushing down your bra strap.

“God, darlin’,” was all he could choke out, using his hand to pull you off of him. Your hand lazily stroked him as you looked up at him, spit collecting at the corners of your mouth. “I’m not gonna last long if you keep doin’ that,” his laugh eased some of the tension in the room, as you took your other hand and wiped the spit away.

He leaned down, pressing a fervent kiss to your lips before using his own hands to unclasp your bra and let your breasts free. His lips traveled to the side of your neck, before he was kneeled down between your legs, sucking your nipple into his mouth. He lapped at you, all consuming, as his hand came up to grasp the other breast that wasn’t being serviced. He moaned at the noises you were making, lewd whines into the night air that only encouraged him. 

His lips made their way down your body to your clothed centre, your back against his soft sheets. You looked down at him intently, watching as he pulled your panties down your legs and immediately delved into your pussy with broad strokes of his tongue.

Your body jerked upwards at the contact, hand fisting the sheet beside you as he lapped at you, like a man starved. His expert tongue found your clit easily, sucking and licking at you for what felt like hours. You thought about his heavy cock between his legs, begging to be touched, hard as ever as he licked at you desperately.

“Joel,” you whined out, feeling your hand reach down to grab at his curls and push him deeper into you. That only made him moan, one hand lazily fisting his cock as the other came up to dip a finger into you, allowing you to see stars when you screwed your eyes shut.

His fingers were so large, pressed into your core as you fucked yourself on them and his tongue in tandem. He was groaning and grunting, and you hoped his neighbours couldn’t see into the window at the desperate filth that was going on in his bedroom.

“Fuck, Joel, please,” you begged, but he had no mercy, and your orgasm was creeping up on you. He was ready to watch you come undone, pushing a second finger into you and furiously sucking on your clit. His other hand left his own pleasure and wrapped around your breast, pressing and playing with the hard nub there, pinching to provide a little bit of sting to it. It was sending you into another dimension.

“Come for me, sweetheart,” and his voice is gravely and debauched, enough to send you into your first orgasm, chanting his name and pulling on his hair. He was happily licking at you, fingers still pressing in and out as to not mess up the rhythm, as you rode out your orgasm against his face. 

When you started to come down, he finally detached himself from you before standing up between your legs and pressing his broad palms to your thighs. He stayed there for a moment, cock still hard and heavy between his legs as you gazed up at him, out of breath from his work.

“You’re really good at that,” was all you could think to say, head clouded with arousal. You moved up on the bed a little, opening your legs and pressing your knees apart to show your pussy to him again.

“Please fuck me, Joel,” you breathe out, letting your hand find your own clit to rub it teasingly for him. It was still so sensitive, but the way he was looking down at you, eyes dark and stormy with need, you could almost come again just from that.

He put a knee down on the bed and crawled on top of you, his lips finding yours once again as your hands found his face. You held him there, savouring the kiss as his tongue crashed against yours, all warmth and spit and the taste of you. His hand found your breast and continued to play with your nipples, softly, coaxing more moans into his mouth from yours.

He leaned back and slipped his cock inside of you, filling you up immediately and making you gasp. He groaned into the side of your neck, tonguing the side of your ear and kissing you feverishly as he pumped in and out of you.

Your legs wrapped around his waist, pulling him impossibly close, your moans filling the room as he rocked in and out of you. He kissed your jaw and chest, before reaching down between your bodies and pressing his thick finger to your clit again, using the wetness there to draw circles around your sensitive nub.

“So pretty,” he smiles into your neck, your hand on the back of his, playing with the now-sweaty strands of hair on the nape. “So pretty for me, taking my cock,” the dirty talking is welcome as he continues to bring you closer to a second orgasm, your breath hitching once again.

“Come inside of me,” you say it like a whisper, a secret in the stillness of the room, and Joel is unsure he even heard you correctly.

“Are you sure?” He says it not accusingly, but in a way that conveys he feels like he just won the lottery.

“Yes, please, fill me up.”

You can see the way his eyes darken more, shifting so he’s on his knees and using your body to fuck himself on his thick cock. His hand continued to play with your clit, bringing you so close to your orgasm that tears pricked at the corners of your eyes. His cheeks were getting hot as he thrusted in and out furiously, and you could almost see the stress melt off of his face as he came close to his own undoing.

The white-hot feeling washes over you once again, eyes shutting before you’re back on your elbows and watching intently. Your whole body feels like it’s on fire as his thrusts become sloppy, your name pouring out of his lips like a prayer. You’re clenching around him and letting him ride out his high alongside you, slowing after his hot cum coats your walls and leaves you full of him.

He collapses on top of you, cock softening inside as you both catch your breath together. Your chests are sticky with sweat as you breathe, taking in the smell of him, and the feel of his warmth on your body.

He pulls himself from you and flops beside you, still taking a moment to admire you. You look over at him, a lazy smile on your face as your hand reaches out to caress the skin of his chest. He takes the time to run his fingertips up your arms and back as you lay there in silence together, just soaking in the moment in a post-sex glow.

“I guess I should get going,” you say after a few beats, sitting up to grab your dress off the floor. You cringe at the thought of throwing your underwear on and leaving, this being just another random hookup for you that never lead to anything. Joel was sweet.

A confused look spreads across his features and his brows knit together, before sitting up next to you at the edge of the bed.

“I mean, I don’t know how these things usually go,” he laughs, as his hand finds your lower back. “But you don’t gotta run outta here like a scared animal or somethin’.”

You look up at him again, unsure of what to do next. In your, albeit limited, experience with dating app hookups, you were expected to leave pretty much right after.

“Oh, um,” you look around the room at the soft worn-in sheets and the TV across from Joel’s bed. You take a look at him again, your eyes meeting his to match his gaze, where you can tell he’s mentally begging that you’ll stay the night.

“I mean, if you don’t mind, I’d be happy to stay.” Joel smiled lopsidedly and let his hand rub soothing circles at your lower back. 

“I’ll make it worth your while,” he laughs, stepping over to go into the bathroom and warm up a cloth for the mess spilling out from between your legs. “I wouldn’t mind wakin’ up and doing all that again tomorrow.”

You laugh and lay back onto his bed as he presses the warm cloth to your pussy, his lips once again finding yours to pull you in for a sweet kiss. 

You nod, sliding between the comfortable sheets as Joel runs downstairs to grab your abandoned drinks as well as a couple of bottles of ice cold water. He slips into the sheets next to you, not bothering to throw on any pajamas (not that you were complaining), and settling in beside you. After a few gulps of water, you nestled into his chest and let your hand find his tummy, resting on it as you listened to the even pattern of his breath.

“We should do this again. Like, after tomorrow morning.” you say quietly as you’re drifting in and out of sleep. His fingertips continues to slide across your arm and give you goosebumps as you snuggled closer into him, hearing a laugh exhale out of his nose and feeling a kiss press to the top of your head. 

In his sleepy, deep southern drawl, he replies. “Don’t have to ask me twice, darlin’.”

[raytoebiter]

i. shut me up (by a punch)

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───〃★Tunes of your heartbeat masterlist

synopsis: in which your fate somehow gets entangled into a jumble of mess between punk music in cozy cafés, intense rivalry, cherished yakults, parallelograms and quantum physics, competitions in contests and rainy days. or in other words; the universe seems to fucking hate your guts for whatever reason and decided to curse your love life with your awful crass emo twink-a-fuck rival. the question is; did the curse work?

taglist (35/50): @toekissers , @raineyun , @onigirilaw , @ecinoriri , @localscarasimp , @potteraep , @shutingstar , @kaikaidenki , @starsacubi , @scaraenthusiast1 , @dazqa , @wraithisd3adinside , @x-hihihi-x , @rxi-n-lyche3 , @automaticpatroltragedy , @mi2ukiss , @lalalaloveallmydays , @trulyylee , @jayzioxx , @featuredtofu , @kazemiya @capcryooo @help-whatdoimakemyusername , @skyoverkill1 @phoenix-eclipses , @anqelkoz @miyakomari @saechiro @shyentsfoundthetrink @swivi , @vixialuvs , @eternally-kira143 , @heusalettle , @kunikssr

auhors' notes - hatred! in first official attempt of getting along! god i love it when two character genuinely hate eachother

(ask to be added or removed)

[a-green-misstep]

A list of all Jayce and/or Viktor scenes in Arcane (wth time stamps)

SPOILERS for all of arcane

Season 1:

EP1

11:00 - 11:50

Jayce is heard, not seen during lab the break in

EP2

0:00 - 7:50, 11:50-12:20, 14:15-19:00, 20:00-21:40, 23:20-24:30, 31:30-33:40

Jayce introduced, goes in front of the council, almost kills himself and is stopped by Viktor who wants to work with him

EP3

7:30-8:40, 13:00-15:20, 17:00-18:00, 19:10-20:00, 25:10-27:00

they break into the lab and make a breakthrough in hextex

EP4

0:00-5:30, 11:00-14:30, 20:15-22:15, 23:10-26:30, 28:40-31:50, 33:00-35:20

hextex has advanced, Jaycee gets flirty with Mel, makes a public address, gets robbed by Jinx, and is made a council member

EP5

8:30-10:00, 13:20-14:00, 15:10-16:20, 19:00-21:20, 25:40-29:00, 31:30-32

Jaycee has lost focus on science for politics, and Viktor gets a breakthrough in the hex-core! Jaycee fucks and Viktor is in the hospital.

EP6

0-8:30, 13:00-16:15, 18:00-20:00, 22:30-26:00, 31:20-32:20

Baby Viktor, Viktor is getting weird and meets up with an old freind, Jayce fires Heimerdinger

EP7

5:10-8:40, 13:00-14:20, 23:00-27:30

Viktor is taking drugs and Jayce is getting hot in the forge. "I'm from the undercity"

EP8

5:30-6:20, 19:00-23:30, 24:30-35:00

Councilman Jayce meets Vi, Viktor runs, self-harms for the Hexcore, and kills Sky. Jayce forges the Hex hammer, raids a factory, and kills a child

EP9

0:00-2:30, 4:40-6:30, 8:30-10:40, 13:30-16:00, 23:00-24:20

Jayce sad about the dead kid, Viktor is sad about dead Sky and almost kills himself. "In the pursuit to be great, we failed to do good.". The boys get blow up

Season 2:

EP1

0:00-2:30, 14:00-16:00, 23:30-31:00, 34:15-36:30

Jayce survives, Viktor is dead and Jayce saves him with Hextec. Hex cacoon. Jaycee fighting aginst undercity gang.

EP2

13:00-17:00, 19:30-22:00, 32:20-36:00

Hex-Jesus leaves Jayce :(. Jayce almost kills Heimerdinger but instead talks science with Echo. Hex-Jesus starts a new religion.

EP3

13:30-15:30, 18:00-19:00, 21:20-24:30,

wild runs, the gang goes to visit the Hex-gates... it doesn't go well.

EP4

nothing

EP5

35:00-40:00

Jayce is back, and is doing bad. Viktor is now somehow speaking through Salo. "I thought you were done with hex-tec, and me." Jayce SMASHES Salo.

EP6

The entire episode is them.

Viktors the prophet, he has surpassed bodily existence. He helps heal, until Jayce comes to him, and kills his body.

EP7

8:00-10:30, 15:30-16:30, 17:00-20:00, 22:00-22:30, 27:30-28:00, 32:40-37:00

Jayce is in the Future, is being haunted by the mage, and spends months in a crevice with a broken leg, going mad. He is rendered disabled (like Viktor), and climbs to the top of piltover to find where the end of the world begins. (meanwhile Echo goes to prom)

EP8

6:00-6:20, 7:20-9:00, 14:00-20:00, 23:00-28:10, 33:30-37:00

Viktor has reached the glorious evolution, he spies on and trys to kill Jayce. Jayce is going to war. Viktor is alone, and is inbodied by a monster.

EP9

4:40-6:00, 18:00-18:50, 22:00-23:00, 27:00-39:00

Viktor has transformed, he wants for the world to become one, a collective consciousness. Jaycee and Echo convince/beat Viktor into understanding that he is wrong, and to end it, Jayce and Viktor, as partners finish things together, and their souls implode into themselves whilst they hold each other close.

[macgyvermedical]

Preview of an idea I had. Might continue it, might not. It’s a story about a nurse living through a Second American Civil War around the year 2032. I want it to be episodic, told through nurse’s notes and the character’s private journal:

They killed Bradey on a rainy Wednesday in February.

That’s it. That’s how I’m starting this. It was raining and they shot him. Or. Well. It was drizzling. Not the point. The street was wet, and he was wearing a red cross made of duct tape on the back of his shirt. He’s fucking dead.

So I guess now that that happened. I guess. Um. I wanted to record some things. Just in case the same happens to me. Which it will- might. I don’t know yet.

The date is February 12, 2032. The Second American Civil War has been going on for 714 days. Officially. We all know it started before that. But like, if someone’s trying to line things up with a history book.

That’s where we’re at.

Most of the greater Seattle area gets electricity about 4 hours a day. Fuel ration is 2 gallons a week. The food situation is… well, I’ve lost 35 pounds. Which technically I had it to lose, but still fucking sucks when you’re not trying. Meds are a constant issue. So are sterile things. But at least with things that are supposed to be sterile you can make them clean enough if you have the things themselves. Meds… you either have or you don’t. There’s not a lot of them you can make yourself.

I wish I could tell you more about Bradey. Maybe I will someday. But to get things started he was a doctor. I ran his standalone urgent care out of the second floor of the Denny building for the last 5 years. Fee for service only. Sliding scale. Bradey hated insurance companies. And…. modernity in general. If he could have ridden a horse in the city and accepted chickens as payment he would have. Most people don’t have chickens here, though. Which, if I’m being honest, has turned out to be a real fucking shame.

I don’t have any of Bradey’s personal writings. Or, well, I do, technically. But they’re locked in his desk. Even if I could get them out I don’t read his cursive well enough to decipher them. Jackass. I’d be willing to trade a good few weeks’ fuel ration to an octogenarian locksmith with at least one good eye.

My handwriting’s not the best, but I realize all of my own notes are in a crappy old office laptop with like a quarter of a working battery. If the electricity situation gets any worse I want… Well, I want whoever wants it to have this. I don’t know. Maybe no one will. From now on everything goes on paper.

—-------------J. Shaw, RN—----------------------

[midnightlamia]

just finished the umbrella academy. rant & spoilers incoming:

let me get this shit straight: the hargreeves siblings didn’t ask for their powers or to be born. said birth and powers were forced on them when reginald hargreeves couldn’t just shut up and die with the rest of his planet/wife. then he flies down to earth, adopts them all, and some 30 years later, we find them running around, constantly trying to save the world from an apocalypse, only to eventually find out that the apocalypses are happening not because this random fucking alien unleashed sparkle dust on the galaxy and abused children that weren’t his in the name of his wife….but because the hargreeves were just born.

that’s it. the reason the cleanse happened is a) their punishment for being born and b) abigail felt bad for an experiment gone wrong and decided to make it the entire timeline’s problem. and the only way to stop it isn’t to figure out a way to stop reginald from unleashing the marigold/coming down to earth & allow all of the og 43 children to be born naturally, when they’re supposed to be, but to….erase the children that never asked to be born from existence while leaving a million loose ends, unanswered questions, and shitty character choices that don’t get developed or explained in any way.

this season was just…….it was definitely a season of a show, i’ll give it that. the pacing was all over the place, so much so to the point where, if anything, we needed four MORE episodes, not four less. i have so SO SOOO many questions. where tf is sloane? what about the other 35 kids with marigold in them? why didn’t we see five create the commission? does durango give superpowers the same way marigold does? why couldn’t ben just drink the marigold himself if he wanted his powers back??? WHY THE FUCK WOULDNT YOU JUST GO AFTER THE MAN WHO UNLEASHED THE OG MARIGOLD INSTEAD OF THE INNOCENT HUMANS WHO GOT STUCK WITH IT WHO THE FUCK CAME UP WITH THAT?? YOU COULDVE DONE A WHOLE THING WHERE THE COMMISSION WAS ORIGINALLY DEDICATED TO FIXING REGINALD’S AFFECT ON THE TIMELINE OR LITERALLY ANYTHING—

literally just kill this last season with fire. burn it at the stake. i’m so pissed and so done. i’ve been watching this show since i was in fucking eighth grade, and i was so excited. i thought they were gonna do a whole thing where it could’ve been like “ben was always meant to die and now the universe is out of whack” or just SOMETHING other than what we got. steve blackman, i genuinely hope you have the worst fucking time for the rest of your life, you raggedy, smelly, conniving, ass-backwards bitch.

thank you and good night.

[iambicpentameterhamster]

Every umbrella academy character ranked (seasons 1-4)

After that shitshow of a fourth season, i felt it necessary to redo this.

#36 -The Sparrows (Jayme, Alphonso, Fae etc.)

The show had no clue what to do with these characters. They sit around being evil for a little while only to promptly die within four episodes. Also one of them is a fucking cube?!? Whats up with that?

#35 - Sloane

How come she disappears in season 4 but not sparrow Ben? So much of this makes no sense.

#34 -Sparrow Ben

I hate this character with my whole being. He goes around calling people emo as if HE DOESNT WAKE UP EVERY MORNING WITH A SCOWL ON HIS STUPID FACE AND EMO HAIR ON HIS STUPID FOREHEAD. He's so rude and awful and i'm given no reason by the show to give a shit where he ends up.

#33 -Carl Cooper

This one speaks for itself.

#32 -Reggie's wife

The two of them annoyed me so much.

#31 -Viktor

Moochy emo sod. Elliott Page's acting got progressively worse throughout the series (and i like Elliott Page, but this wasnt his best work.)- season 1 Vanya was tolerable, beyond that i couldn't stand this character. All his jokes land flat and he has the charisma of a piece of cardboard.

#30 -Season 4 Five

For the sake of this ranking, i am treating seasons 1-3 Five and season 4 Five as seperate characters. Seems like the writers were doing the same. What the fuck, guys? How do you bulldoze a character this badly?

Season 4 Five was unfunny, selfish, cowardly, and most of all on a different plane of being from the Five we all knew and loved. Screw you, season 4 Five, you're not canon.

#29 -Season 4 Lila

I'm treating Lila the same way. Season 4 Lila was an injustice to seasons 2-3 Lila.

#28 -Harlan

Couldn't care less about him. He represents to me when the umbrella academy started going to shit in season 3.

#27 -Jennifer

Again, we are given no reason to care about her.

#26 -Pogo

He was just there for the exposition. They never explained why Reggie was doing experiments on monkeys??

#25 -Reggie

He was quite a good villain but i still hate him. Really goofy at times, too.

#24 -Jean and Gene

They were quite good actually. If season 4 wasn't a dumpster fire, i reckon they'd have been able to really shine.

#23 -Cha Cha

This is getting into better territory. I liked Cha Cha, she was badass, but not well developed.

#22 -Detective Patch

Again, i liked her, but she wasn't given much time to develop as a character.

#21 -The Swedes

They were funny, whimsical villains that were fun to watch on screen. Funny and whimsical are two adjectives that TUA used to embody.

#20 -Elliott

My guy just wanted to eat fish and be a conspiracy theorist 😔

#19 -Sissy

Welcome back, Sheldon's mum.

In all seriousness, she was well acted despite Viktor's actor giving her nothing to work with, so props to her.

#18 -Dave

WE GOT ZERO MENTIONS OF DAVE IN SEASONS 3-4?!? DESPITE HIM BEING A HUGE PART OF KLAUS'S CHARACTER?!?! WHEN I CATCH YOU WRITERS-

#17 -Destiny's children

I am in fact an active member

#16 -Luther

I have bumped Luther up my list because in seasons 3-4 he sort of embraces his goofiness, but in seasons 1-2 he is an insufferable, incestuous moron. He is up here for good character development and i wished he could have ended up with Sloane.

#15 -Agnes

She was really cute and sweet, i liked her a lot. RIP season 1, you were peak.

#14 -Herb and Dot

They were sweet and funny too, and i miss the whole idea of the time commission.

#13 -Kenny's mum

An honourable mention

#12 -Grace

Grace was super well performed and poignant. I have no issues with Grace.

#11 -Stan

Live, laugh, love Stan. I hate that the trauma of losing him was never mentioned in season 4 for Diego or Lila.

My top 10

#10 -Lenoard Peabody/ Harold Jenkins

I stand by him being one of the best-acted and most cleverly written villains of all time. He is not only a well-executed surprise villain, but a scarily accurate one, and the actor plays him to perfection. We even start to like him before the cracks show. Also he looks like a creepy version of Lin Manuel Miranda.

#9 -Ray

Season 4 did Ray DIRTY. It was completely out of character for him to just walk out. They could have at least have him die in a tragic accident or something. Season 2 Ray is the perfect, most charismatic, ideal man and i hold him in my heart forever and in my head Alison and Ray ended up together.

#8 -Hazel

He had one of the best arcs on the show, period. Continues to represent everything good about the first two seasons of TUA. He was flawed, he was human, he was loveable.

#7 -Umbrella Ben

He seemed like he could have been a brilliant character with more screen time. His sacrifice in season 2 was a genuinely moving moment. The backstreet boys moment is SO FUNNY and his and Klaus's dynamic is something i really miss.

#6 -The Handler

We don't appreciate The Handler enough. The show started rolling downhill as soon as The Handler was gone. She was the glue that held the show together, one of the best villains/antagonists in TV history.

#5 -Allison

Yes, season 3 Allison made some stupid choices and did some terrible things, but a lot of it came from grief and she redeemed herself in season 4 imo. Seasons 1-2 Allison was one of the most charismatic, endearing and empathetic characters on the show.

#4 -Seasons 1-2 Lila

I love you. I miss you. Come back to me.

#3 -Diego

Bumped up the list for being a CONSISTENTLY good character who is flawdd but still extremely loveable and hilarious.

#2 -Seasons 1-3 Five

Seasons 1-3 Five would shoot season 4 Five in the face. He is the daddy here, and season 4 Five is the creepy uncle.

Original Five is a masterfully crafted, hilarious, unique, intelligent character and i will not let season 4 ruin it for me.

#1 -Klaus

This needs no justification.

What do you think? How far do you agree?

[namu-uman]

I finally had time to catch up on Guardians of the Dafeng and I feel the need to vent.

I've liked it since the beginning and so far it's been great. It combined comedy with action, a bit of romance and a bit of awful crimes being punished.

But the worst crime by FAR was shown in episode 36 in the worst way possible. A whole city of almost 400000 people slaughtered. It had the potential to be awful and make me bawl my eyes out. Instead I kept fast-forwarding through it because the execution was so boring and performative. I don't get it. They did an excellent job in previous episodes when tackling corruption and injustice and how Xu Qi An reacts to it. He should've lost his mind with rage and horror. That would be in character and, to be fair, they did try to show it but it was too restrained (my complaint against Dylan) and too focused on how righteous and heroic he is, especially with his repetitive speech about how the duke deserves punishment (my main complaint, and it's the writer and director I blame for this). It made it cheap and distracted from the horror of it all. The officials crying in horror and grief was also overdone and the battle against the Kui was a joke, only there to make Xu Qi An even more heroic singlehandedly defeating an entire army. They should have focused only on the city.

The only part of episode 36 I liked at all was the segment about our wayward guardians and their adventure trying and failing to avenge their friend lol.

Oh! And Xu Qi An telling the duke (who justified his butchery by calling the people he killed "mere ants") that he is also an ant. That whole scene would have been so much better if instead of Xu Qi An giving a boring repetitive speech, he let the duke do his evil monologue, called him an ant and killed him. That's totally in character for him too! As we saw in previous episodes, he's cheerful and opportunistic and also willing to swallow his anger at being looked down on and oppressed for his and his people's sake but when he sees injustice he can't accept it and goes all quiet and wrathful. That's the Xu Qi An we were given for 35 episodes. That's what I wanted here too.

All this being said, I'm halfway through episode 37 and it's great so far! I wasn't sure how they'd handle the emperor but I'm loving it. He hears of his brother's crimes and is more angry about the duke being dead than the whole city being exterminated. And the way they're pressuring him to actually acknowledge his brother's crimes and actually siding with Xu Qi An who at this point doesn't seem to give a fuck anymore. I'm almost afraid to keep watching because it's so great and what if they try to make the emperor sympathetic? Though probably not. They've given plenty of hints he's a monster so far and seem to be anti-royalty (or at least anti emperor and brother).

[xiuminsmygrandpa]

I'm rereading a diary entry I wrote a few years ago and it reminded me of Charles Rowland. Since it's pretty lengthy I'll only pull out the parts I think are relevant to his character.

"When I was a kid I assumed there was something so inherently wrong with me, so unlovable that no one would ever want to be my friend."

I was never physically abused when I was a child but my dad came very close to hitting me on several occasions and my mom, my primary caretaker was verbally abusive. So I grew up in a home with two parents who were incapable of loving me unconditionally. Just like Charles I never felt like I measured up to the impossible standards my mom set for me. Because of that, I assumed there must be something wrong with me, fundamentally, that made people incapable of ever loving me.

"I'd like to think I'm confident and self-assured but really I'm desperate for people to like me. To be accepted for who I am. Because for so long I thought that wasn't possible."

Before and even after meeting Edwin, Charles constantly tries his best to charm everyone he meets. Growing up with a dad who beat him he had hoped that by living up to his father's impossible standards he would be beaten less. But, as Charles says at the end of episode 4 it didn't matter how good he was, his father would still find a reason to beat him.

"I was a different person back then but the pain still lingers. Back then I was small and defenseless. I was a child but trauma has a way of sticking to the wounds I thought had healed. It turns out the scares were actually scabs and I'm bleeding all over again."

In episode 5 Charles is forced to confront the kids he thought were his friends, who betrayed him and ultimately killed him. He desperately wants to believe in Brad and Hunter just like he believed in his friends. But by acknowledging that they were not good guys starts him on a journey to healing some of the trauma that still lingers from when he was alive.

"But I let 6 fucked up people fuck me up. I let them in and they stabbed me in the back. I'd forgotten what that felt like. And I should've known better than to befriend them" (author's note I didn't mean this literally unlike Charles Rowland who doesn't technically get stabbed but they threw rocks at him as he was freezing in a lake which is almost the same thing)

I think this is why it hurts so much more for Charles to realize Brad and Hunter were truly evil. It must have felt like he was being betrayed a second time and after having to literally relive the moment his friends turned their backs on him in the previous episode it must have felt that much more palpable.

"I'm not a vengeful person. But I'm hurt. And a part of me wants to hurt them back."

At the end of episode 4 when Charles beats the Night Nurse we as the audience know his actions are justified. Afterall, she literally made him relive the moments before his death that he hasn't fully processed in 35 years. We know this but Edwin, Crystal, and Niko don't know this. They see a boy with anger issues and as someone who's been unfairly villainized by people who he thought he could trust oooof I can see why he ends up crying and confessing to his best mate that his dad beat him. I was bullied a lot as a kid and this show captures how awful and isolating that feels. Bullying isn't brushed aside because two of its main characters literally lose their lives to their tormentors.

"I'm a good person. I have many passions. I'm friendly, genuine, and honest. And yet people love to assume the worst in me. That I must be too good to be true. That it's all an act."

A big part of Charles' journey throughout season one is him coming to terms with who he is and how he presents himself to the world. I think one of his biggest, if not his biggest fear, is that if he weren't his usual charming self that no one would like him. But we know this is fundamentally not true because even when Charles was at his absolute lowest point (when he was literally freezing to death in an attic) he befriends another boy who also assumes he's unlikeable.

And that is why I love Dead Boy Detectives because it shows us that no matter what everyone is worthy of love, but most especially those who are told they aren't. Just like Charles finds the unconditional love and acceptance he never had when he was alive in Edwin and Crystal, I know I have it with my best friend and family. At it's core this show proves time and time again that we're never alone, even at our lowest when we feel abandoned, there is always at least one person who will gladly guide us back towards the light.

I know this is super long and wordy (the art history nerd in me sucks at being concise) but I had a lot of thoughts, particularly about episode 5, after the cameo I requested and I really wanted to share them. I do not expect George or Jayden to ever see this but I wanted to thank them profusely for being part of a show that has brought me so much joy and community that I really needed this year.

[herbariumua]

For some reason, the current episodes of The Simpsons that focus on Waylon make me sad.

First, when we go from his blind admiration for Mr. Burns to instantly asking "Who should I kill" and kidnapping a man with a gun to his back - to his conscience that Mr. Burns bribed the judge to they were released from prison? You yourself bribed the judge to get Mr. Burns released in past episodes!

Second, I still don't understand why he has a photo of his ex on his wall. They did not part well. That dude was literally WORSE than Mr. Burns + he kicked a puppy that clearly represented Waylon throughout the episode - after which he decided to go his separate ways.

On the one hand, yes, I get it: character development. Perhaps the moment when he realized that he has a certain "type": "evil" billionaires - then he thought about what he was doing with his life in general. Yes, even in the first seasons, Waylon had a clear line beyond which he was not going to cross, "comic evil", like the idea of ​​blocking the sun or beating up Homer for a completely understandable angry letter.

In more modern seasons, he repeatedly tries to "smooth out" Monty's actions, try to direct him, if not to a more "kind" path, then at least to a "neutral" one. Although the funny thing is that even in the original episodes, Burns is just struggling with anger issues, he is not an "evil villain" and is capable of human feelings, good deeds and is really looking for love and acceptance - which makes him a very interesting character. In the later seasons, his character jumps here and there a lot and he is often reduced to the very "cartoon evil", which upsets me a lot.

I kind of like "I'm even worse than them because I know better - but I do it anyway". I like it if they showed how Waylon on the one hand changed (why?) in the process, and he has on the one hand - a blind and strong love for Monty, and on the other - a desire to do good deeds. And so yes, he is also behind his back, even if together with Marge (I still like that they are best friends), they do good deeds.

By the way, this reminds me a little of the Rick and Morty episode where it turns out that Morty is sneaking behind Rick's back in the dimensions where he messed up and fixing everything that can be done because he has empathy and conscience and even though he no longer a naive child, he is still not a cynical nihilist. Of course, Waylon Smithers goes through a completely different story arc here - although I highly doubt that he was actually given an ARC, and not accidentally, given that the people who created the show don't care about any kind of consistency, canonicity, character development in the long term.

Oh my god, hire fans, seriously.

And damn, we've gone from "I'll turn the Earth upside down for you" to "I bribed a judge not for you… and your wife." On the one hand, I still like the joke that Burns regularly forgets not just Homer, but his entire family, no matter how many times they cross paths and work together.

On the other hand, I don't really get the joke, of why he thinks Waylon is straight, even though he did come out, and he's so out of touch with his personal life that he thinks he has a wife. GIVE ME BACK THEIR "I NAMED MY QUEEN BEE AFTER YOU" RELATIONSHIP! Even if you're not going to make them canon, gosh, it sucks to show that they're THAT far apart because WE KILLED THE FUCK FOR THE PREVIOUS 35 YEARS OF BUILDING THEIR RELATIONSHIP. They are CONSTANTLY together, they TALK, we've been shown that Burns really values ​​Waylon as a sidekick and as a person, even if he can take him for granted.

At this point, I only want to read or write fanfics; and to rewrite these episodes in my imagination so that they fit into the canvas of their homoerotic behavior of the "golden age", if not to canonize them in my imagination. And yes, I DEFINITELY want to take this episode as a base and maybe write it "my way" so I don't want to cry so much.

I know I put too much into the relationship between the two drawing men, but I have a lot of bad things going on in my life right now, and these two are helping me a lot through this period.

[squirrellypoo]

Ep8 "What Can The Damned Really Say To The Damned" rewatch thoughts (Part 1)

On my third rewatch of the first episode of season 2, I noticed a ton more than I had before. Whether that's because it was on a brighter tv screen, or just that my initial buzz had stopped overloading my cognitive functions, who knows.

In any case, here's my first 10 things I missed!

Just after the massacre of soldiers at the checkpoint - Louis spits something out as they walk away. Did he also help kill them? Is that a tooth or something? I love the idea that Louis is doing a lot more human hunting that he ever lets on...

2. “Or is it the sleep of an infant? Tabula rasa” - I had to look up this term because I'd not heard it before, but it's roughly the philosophical idea that babies’ minds are born as a blank slate. (Wikipedia)

3. Just before Louis complains that he’s cold, you can see that the bonfire is using a dead soldier as fuel. Additionally, he's talking about his refusal to burn Lestat as they huddle around it (nice touch, sicko writers!).

4. Obviously I knew that the "Huns" were German soldiers, but I wasn't sure what “Beasts of Ivan” was referring to... Russian forces? Or Ivan the Terrible (Treblinka guard)? TBH, even after googling, I'm still not entirely sure.

5. Oh god the skeletons of the vampires they discover - Louis and Claudia don’t know to scatter the ashes so their souls are still likely trapped in there?? 😭 (See also: Daciana after the fire…)

6. The Dubai staff member taking Louis’s blood dish away is wearing a face mask and gloves but Real Rashid is wearing gloves but no mask… Who do we know that did that in season 1, eh?? 👀

7. Now, this might not be anything but I thought it was interesting that you can see Louis’s breath in the sequence with Hallucistat (whose breath you can also see). So does that mean he's fed recently to be warm enough to do so? There was a great story on the Truest Blood podcast where the actors talked about needing to suck on ice cubes so that their breath didn't show up on camera, and that detail really stuck with me.

8. Louis says “I had taken 7,000 souls by then.” Ok, let's do some maths - 7,000 divided by 35 years is 200 per year, or 3.5 per week. That's roughly one murder every other day, which seems like a lot for someone claiming to be a vegetarian?? Like, was he killing several a night in the early years with Lestat (the "blood-drunken night in Baton Rogue", for instance), and for the past several years with Claudia? Sure, we see him bite a rat here, but he's clearly killing more than he wants to admit to himself...

9. The little boy that Morgan bribes with a cigarette to take Claudia away from adult conversation - his name is Andrei. Book readers may remember that this was Armand's given human name. (I don't think it means anything, I just think it's a nice touch from the writers, and they might change this in the show to be something more appropriate to his background)

10. After Louis remembers that Emilia mentioned about the woods after Claudia left, Armand suggests Louis takes a break. Daniel then goes on a rant to Real Rashid, ending with “You I can fucking break!” Louis dismisses Rashid, but then then Armand immediately follows him out of the room. What was Armand following him for? What was he saying to Rashid?

Part II coming up! Let me know in the Notes if you also missed any of these...

[im-out-of-it]

part 3 of season 2, episode 10 MALEC FIRST I LOVE YOU “by the light of dawn”

30. Alec just being fine answering the phone and fighting valentines men. like this man doesn’t need to be so fine doing the bare minimum

31. Alec complimenting aldertree which is a big feat

32. I love how aldertree is like oh he forgives me but Alec will never forgive you for giving his sister yin fein which she ended up being addicted to. Izzy will have to live with that her whole life. Aldertree knew better.

33. I can’t believe you have me saying another nice thing about jace but this is rare when he actually thinks of Alec (I know I posed gif on the right but I hate when the gifs don’t cover the whole screen)

34. LOOK HOW HOT HE IS HOLDING A WEAPON

35. Simon: you’re a terrible father, don’t you care?

36. it’s funny when you compare the book valentine to show valentine because book valentine doesn’t give a flying fuck about clary. he really couldn’t be bothered. he actually hates her if I can remember clearly. Valentine left his son to burn so do you think he’s going to care how his daughter feels about him? but we aren’t at that stage yet but Valentine has a clear purpose in his mind. destroy downworld, and make shadowhunters better- that’s his dream, not being a father. he’s responsible for his wife dying so Valentine is cool if clary despises him

37. THIS MAGNUS MOMENT (I’ll honestly probably will repost my three parts I already did but whatever)

38. I think it’s important to remember that Magnus always usually feels in control. he has his magic and he’s used to helping people anyway he can so the fact that he is stuck protecting clary and not doing anything, it makes him feel stuck

39. valentine isn’t playing clary

40. got to give it to Alan who plays valentine because he turned awful villain book valentine that didn’t make any sense to show valentine. I can’t stand book valentine because his motives never made sense to me and I thought he was badly written. his motives don’t make any sense in the show but I think he’s written a whole lot better

41. so Alec is looking like a dream for what reason exactly? I’m sorry but I think this is the hottest Alec has been YET and he’s been it since the first episode of the show. like he just keeps getting better and better. I don’t know how anyone who could look at Alec would still prefer jace. LOOK AT HIM

stopping at 42 and will do a fourth part in a moment

[madi-sue005]

So I was watching the trailer of WHA and that got me thinking about the length of the first episode because of how dummy thicc Chapter 1 is and so I looked it up because I don’t have my copy with me at the moment and OH GOD—

I knew it was long, but 63 fucking pages?!??? By comparison, here are the lengths of the other chapters:

Chapter 2 — 67-104 (37 pages)

Chapter 3 — 105-136 (31 pages)

Chapter 4 — 137-172 (35 pages)

Chapter 5 — 173-204 (31 pages)

Chapter 1 is twice the length of the rest of the chapters in volume 1.

[atopvisenyashill]

Hiiiii it’s @martelldragon I ask from my main

BUT, on the Saera/Jaehaerys thing, IM GLAD IM NOT THE ONLY ONE because whenever this conversation about there being SA or at least some weirdness from Jaehaerys towards Saera, a lot of people will brush it off as ��you’re being weird, trying to find something sinister where there isn’t anything” when the subtext is there!!! And I also think HOTD sort of replaced Any potential weirdness there was between Ali/Jae when she was reading to him by having her reading to Viserys -> him marrying her -> him maritally r*ping her in the show.

I feel like this sort of acknowledges that there was something not right about Jae and Saera’s relationship but the show sort of gave the Alicent angle years later when Jaehaerys was being taken care of her while dying and any potential creeping on her to her reading to and taking care of Viserys and him being the one to creep/on eventually marry her.

I also think Viserys calling her Aemma in one of the episodes was definitely at least a reference maybe to the old man she took care of in the book mistaking her for Saera.

Anyway seeing you acknowledge the Jaehaerys/Saera relationship instead of ignoring it and acting like everyone who sees something odd there is “reading too much into it” is just so refreshing and sorry if this doesn’t make sense I kind of started rambling lmao

Oh yeah I feel like I get at least one anon every few weeks since I posted it that is just like "you're reading too much into this" without any explanation and it's like...okay well I disagree lmao. I think especially the people who are like "you think Saera is a girlboss but she's actually a psycho" like...WHOMST is "you" in this situation because it's not me! I think Saera was an intelligent, bright young girl who lived a simultaneously spoiled and lonely youth. I think her worst inclinations were often "rewarded" in the very typical "child can't get attention so they settle for negative attention by acting out" type behavior, which made her behavior worse. I think she exhibits some rather disturbing sexual proclivities and children generally don't land on those types of behaviors on their own; they mimic the behavior, good or bad, that they see. Regardless of what happened, I think it's very clear that Saera is mimicking sexually abusive behavior because she has either witnessed or experienced first hand sexual abuse happening. Now who is the likeliest culprit for that hmmm...

I do think the Joffrey comparisons or even the Rhaenyra comparisons crack me up the most though. Like...oh so you think these three children who really obviously experienced/witnessed sexual abuse and proceeded to act out and enact that sexual violence on others are all very similar little psychopaths? Wow tell me more!

But re: the Alicent of it all. I would agree, i think they combine her relationships with Viserys and Jaehaerys in the show, as well as combining her character with Aemma's (and clearly taking inspiration from Dany and Sansa as characters as well). Viserys is not noted to be decaying to death in the books nor is he particularly old when he dies; in fact, it seems implied he's still fairly young looking and handsome when they marry. Which isn't to say that it's still not tacky at best for him to have an affair with a 17 year old and then marry her when she's 18; it's just like, the show takes away that very gray area that George likes to play with where a teenage girl will marry a handsome, fit 25-35 year old and is maybe not too freaked out by it only to realize there is an ocean of difference between her and that man. Which like, fine, I think they still do a good job of interogating that aspect of F&B and Westerosi culture by delving into with Daemyra ("a girl child you bounced on your knee" is CRAZYYYYY i fucking love that line so fucking much especially because we get that scene where Alys is crying over Daemon and Daemon is a bit playful with her - she for sure judges him for his relationship with Rhaenyra but she also can't help but be fond of him, and I think that really displays the sort of dynamic George is going for with this specific sort of sexual abuse. Not dissimilar imo from like, Sansa remarking on how Tyrion was kind to her and the sort of lasting fondness she has for both him and Sandor - they are doing real damage to those girls but at the same time, the love and fondness is there and it matters to that girl regardless!). I do miss the kind of loving-but-weird beginning to her relationship with Viserys though; aging her down and making Paddy look so old and fucked up makes sense when you're trying to drive home the point to a casual audience that is just. so incredibly monumentally slow on the uptake. But Also imo starting it off this way really cuts a lot of that complexity of how damaging The Institution Of Marriage Is, when Alicent becomes an unwilling victim instead of a hopeful bride.

HOWEVER. The fact that her relationship with him can be airlifted out of the late 100's/early 101 right to the late 110s and onto Viserys sure does speak to how creepy her relationship with Jaehaerys is in canon! Doesn't say anything good about the reasons why she is sent into that man's room to read to him! And if he's calling her not his wife's name, not even his sister's name, but Saera's...hmm is all I'll say!