#epic: odysseus

[somepsychopomp]

and so what if I said I was drafting a fic where Eris tosses a golden apple among the gods but instead of "for the fairest" it says "for the best kingly lover" or something like that and both Zeus & Poseidon reach for it at the same time.

naturally neither will back down since their pride and reps are on the line. Both have had many lovers over the years and regard themselves as outrageously good and definitely better than the other at sex, but how can they determine who should rightfully get the apple & the bragging rights?

Well, they should share a lover and have them judge the two divine brothers. But what lucky mortal should get such a privilege?

Someone good looking themself, who'd be able to appreciate the sublime attention bestowed upon them. Someone young and without much experience, or preferably none, so they have little in terms of expectations or past lovers to compare to (not that either god thinks that any mortal could ever compare to them in bed)

Someone intelligent, who'd most certainly make the right choice (AKA after being bribed a little or a lot)

Someone like... why, Athena's darling pupil, the young King of Ithaca!

Odysseus is currently a bachelor king, but doesn't squander his life or status on heaps of whores. He lives a rather humble life, contributing to the construction of his palace himself, plowing the fields, and making frequent appearances among his people.

By the time Athena catches wind of who her father & uncle have chosen for their little contest, it's too late. She cannot dissuade them or rush to hide Odysseus- for she knows that no matter who he chooses, the loser would be more than willing to exact revenge against her student or his people.

There's also one other problem for Ody. A tiny, miniscule problem that doesn't even register as a concern in Zeus' or Poseidon's eyes.

Odysseus of Ithaca is engaged and madly in love with his future bride, and he will want no part in either god's attention.

But it's too late.

On one particularly beautiful day, Odysseus wakes up to a cloudless sky and the warm sun shining down on his island. The rocky coast is usually a darker shade of blue from the rough surf, but today the ocean glitters like sapphire and silver. Odysseus thinks today would be a wonderful day to go for a morning swim so he heads to the beach alone. And wouldn't you know it, right outside his palace is a little cove he's never noticed before. How strange, given that he's confident he knows every inch of his island.

Odysseus sheds his clothes and sandals, baring his body but feeling safe within the high walls of the little sunlit cove, and slips into the water. Another pleasant surprise- the sea is much warmer than he was expecting for so early in the morning!

He sinks beneath the water and luxuriates in the feeling, swimming a little farther out. It takes just a few breaths before he's nearly upon a large boulder jutting from the surf, a miniature island in the cove. Odysseus thinks it'd be great exercise to touch it and swim back.

He ducks his head underwater one last time before surfacing once he reaches the rock...

When he emerges, there's a man waiting for him. A man larger than any Odysseus has ever seen before, with a mane and beard of pure white hair and eyes the color of gold. He sits upon the boulder as if it were his throne, smiling with mirth at Odysseus and inviting him to come and enjoy the sight of the beautiful sky together.

Odysseus is instantly wary and tries to retreat, only for his back to come flush with a broad chest. An equally large man with black silken tresses and sparkling blue eyes purrs at him and encourages the little king to stay and enjoy the water...

[loracarol]

We filled our ears with beeswax That's how we resist your song [...] Nah, you wouldn't have spared me I made a mistake like this, it almost cost my life I can't take more risks of not seeing my wife Cut off their tails! We're ending this now Throw their bodies back in the water Let them drown

....I don't really know enough about Epic to remember to catch the livestreams, but does anyone know if this was an intentional parallel?

[timeless-orchid]

👁️👁️

well anniflamma may have too much dignity to draw poseidon getting backshots but I sure dont. here we go

more under the cut. dont judge me its been a long day

[two-bees-poetry]

twenty years across the sea

[kokii-omii]

Live Telemachus reaction

[blue-jester-art-blog]

I'm glad they're on the same page

[fangirling-phoenix]

Can we please appreciate Odysseus being a silent stalker in the shadows, taking out suitors with his bow, not deigning to speak to them as he takes them out one by one

until some of them go "we have to strike him in the darkness too! we know the halls of this palace! the odds can be tilted!"

and Odysseus, built this palace with his very hands, has to step out of the shadows like "are you this fucking stupid"

[elianzis]

The King has returned

[mushyooms]

he's so real

[dorothywonderland]

♬⋆.˚ Well it's a little bit dangerous, my friend˚.⋆♬

[artbymeow]

Ares: BEST CHRISTMAS EVER

[somepsychopomp]

@australet789 I fear you’re going to think I’m insane but I’m actually so happy this finally arrived 😭 after 3+ weeks of waiting, the king is home 🙏🏻

[kaiotisk]

father how i've longed to see you!

[doppy-enjo]

LOOK WHAT YOU'VE TURNED ME INTO. LOOK WHAT WE'VE BECOME.

[orpheus-has-lyreizz]

Rumour has it, although the King of Ithaca had returned to his shores, his throne remained empty for the better part of a year.

[saturnsconstellation]

Men use “I’m just a man” to cheat on their wives. Odysseus uses “I’m just a man” to kill, slay and torture people to get back to HIS wife. They are not the same.