#ep. the siege III

[dr-futbol-blog]

Childhood's End

There sure are a lot of strapping young lads in this episode.

In Childhood's End (S01E06), we start sowing the seeds of jealousy that we find upon multiple instances both Sheppard and McKay express when it comes to the other's interest in a woman or a woman's interest in them (possibly this already started at the end of the previous episode with the handsy nurse; there Rodney was miffed, here Sheppard is miffed). Jealousy due to romantic rivalry between two men would make sense in a heteronormative context (women are paying more attention to my friend when they should be paying attention to me) but, uh. That is not and never will be the case with these two.

McKay mentions Samantha Carter at the outset and while he doesn't see the faces Sheppard pulls, we sure do. The thing is, McKay doesn't even say anything particularly incriminating. It's the mere tone of his voice when he mentions her name that Sheppard seems to pick up on.

Devil's advocate: Sheppard finds it distasteful that a fellow officer is being objectified. He finds 'locker room talk' crass, even though there's barely a hint of it here. Okay. But then he does this:

This lip thing is something that we see Sheppard do when ever he does not know how to deal with difficult emotions (a notable example is following the hug Elizabeth gives him after he survives a suicide mission in The Siege, Pt III). This is self-soothing behaviour.

The episode also starts with an example of something that I really don't like but which clearly stems from McKay's insecurity: indicating that he is of a superior intellect and that Sheppard is dumb ("I'm sorry: Yes, energy field good"). Yes, he also did that to Sam in the very beginning ("I have a weakness for dumb blondes"; let's preemptively insult the attractive person to take the sting off the inevitable rejection). He did actually already start this with Sheppard at the outset ("I knew that, of course. I'm just surprised that you did").

This is also one of the reasons I think 38 Minutes (S01E04) would have worked much better later on in the season: in it, we have another instance of McKay asserting his intellectual superiority over the others ("I apologise for being the only person who truly comprehends how screwed we are!") because he "reacts to certain doom a certain way" and Sheppard, being in the bind that he is, cuts him short real quick: "You've got to stop using your mouth and start using your brain!"

This is something that we return to time and again. McKay panics and starts going off on everyone around him focusing on all the wrong things, and Sheppard cuts through the fog to get his attention back to solving the problem.

In-universe, McKay is one of the smartest people alive. Some have argued even the smartest. According to Daniel Jackson, he could have won the Nobel Prize several times over. Yes. We later learn that Sheppard is of above-average intellect but obviously he is no match for Marty-Stu McKay because no one is.

Only, when it comes to strategy and strategic thinking, Sheppard is light years ahead of McKay.

This is a very good example of that: Sheppard is teaching McKay how to communicate on a mission. Be succinct, to the point, give only the information that is relevant. Clear communication and simplification of data is vital operation protocol, especially in scenarios of certain doom. Everyone knows that you're smarter than them my guy, he's just trying to keep you and everyone else unharmed.

This episode also marks the hilarious beginning of Sheppard's poor sense of direction. In fact, neither of them can keep a straight line with regards to orientation.

Sheppard can orient himself in the sky but not on land. McKay, as we later learn, cannot keep to a straight line on the ground or in the air.

In the episode, Keras and Sheppard bond real quick. The young village elder seems smitten. Good god, he looks Sheppard intensely in the eyes and says: "I’ll be honest with you, Sheppard. There’s nothing I’d like more than to spend more time talking with you… But it’s not possible." You know, like straight dudes do.

Sheppard also seems to like the boy just fine, although how much of his behaviour is designed simply to stop Keras from doing something he thinks is morally bankrupt is up in the air. They are sitting together, walking together, exchanging personal information.

There's also this:

Keras: Would you stand witness? Sheppard: Me? Well, what do I have to do? Keras: Just be there, as I prepare. We gather the strength from those close to us for the Sacrifice to come.

In the few brief moments they have spent together, they've apparently become close enough for him to ask Sheppard to witness his suicide ceremony. He even takes an arrow to the chest for this man he has just met.

What's real interesting, though, and which I'll return to in connection with Teyla's baby later is when Keras asks Sheppard whether he has any children. He responds: "Me? No. Not yet, anyway." Not yet. Not yet but he might want some one day.

The thing is, McKay's entire arc in this episode deals with him and how he is with children. He starts by being extremely annoyed by them like he's a big child himself. Ford tells the kids: "He's just upset because you're smarter than him." But by the end of the episode he has come to care for these children. He keeps them safe and protected, and makes sure that they haven't been hurt or traumatized by the ordeal. The persistence of these children changed him, and now he seems like he might make a great parent some day. And while they are antagonized by him, the kids also seem to really like him.

Now, what possible, possible reason could you have to bring up one character's desire for children in the future and showing what an excellent parent another character would make in the same episode? Hmm?

[incorrectringsofpower]

Season 2, Episode 7 liveblog reaction notes (spoilers behind cut)

Everyone else is like "did you just see Celebrimbor calmly drink tea in the middle of a siege?"

Nice of them to show more forge scenes before it's all very destroyed!

Silvergifters being fed lol.

Meanwhile, chaos outside and Sauron is walking around like a Bad Bitch.

Mirdania you are gonna dieee

Devastating Environmental Damage, brought to another kingdom near you by Adar!

Run, Arondir, run!

Don't hurt my faaaaaves (alas they do not have plot armor)

Durin III: My shareholders need the money for private yachts!

Ayyyy Narvi!

ELROND :D

MY HEART SINGS, TOO!

Elvish archers ilu doomed people

Ooh that's an orc costume from S1!

Celebrimbor is stuck in a time loop fanfic, RIP. (Heyyyy ficcers!)

Charlie Vickers angry face twitch time!

Yeah it's as bad as it looks, Brimby.

Sad Celebrimbor hours :(

BLOOD THEORY CONFIRMED???

HEY FAN WHO GUESSED THIS, YOU'RE A GENIUS

LMAO NOT THE "I HAVE MANY NAMES" LINE AGAIN

noooooo sad dog :'(

Well this sucks immensely ;_;

Fucking Annatar

Oh shiiiit poor Mirdania. I thought Annatar would kill her for sure.

Welp that was horrific.

RIDERS OF ROHAN

I mean, Lindon.

WHERE IS GALADRIEL?

ELROND IN ARMOR FUCK YES

Adar uses: Galadriel! It was super effective.

Sure would be nice to have our Druid Arondir and maybe also some Ents.

Don't call him a courtier. Rude!

Wow trying to use Melian on him. Bruh.

Orc revolt against Adar foreshadowing?

Maglor is Adar theory people ultimately devastated by a reunion scene that never could have happened due to licensing.

SORRY WHAT

HWAT

HER BAFFLED EXPRESSION IS MY EXPRESSION LMAO

I'M SORRY I'M NOT PAYING ATTENTION BC THAT WAS SO FUNNY

MORFYDD YOU FANDOM TROLL

HAHAHA WHAT A WAY TO FUCK WITH THE FANDOM AND GET GALADRIEL OUT I'M DYING

It's fiiine this was always a fanfic and haters wouldn't care that it was a ploy to pass her a get out of jail card anyway

Oh yeah cool Dwarf speech and my faves look so cool rn! I'm just highly distracted lol!

Durin's Bane next ep or S3 then?

Not the horsey :'(

Elrond girlies gonna love this ep

lol the trebuchet death was a bit looney tunes

Poor horse :(((

Elrond fighting but dreaming of building a nice Bed & Breakfast where no horses and friends die ever.

Glûg the union rep! Yeah I think he might kill Adar.

Adar: Clever Elrond.

Arondir where are youuuu

Orc medics? Fascinating.

Galadriel surprised by Orc funeral rights maybe?

ARONDIR

ELFIEST ELF TO EVER FUCKING ELF WITH ARONWYN THEME PLAYING AND BREAKING MY HEART

Galadriel and Arondir buddy time!

Something something forgiveness themes of this season.

Guess that means I have to forgive them for the Elrond and Galadriel kiss, doesn't it.

King Durin interrupting Elrond and Prince Durin's reunions as usual. Fucking Sauron!

Ra Ra Ra Ooh La La You and Me could have a Bad Romance, Celebrimbor

Ah this line again. Bruh it didn't work on his cousin.

God I hate his manipulative talk soooooo much. Charlie Vickers is doing such a good job.

Fire won't work, unfortunately. But hey, S2 soundtrack album cover moment!

This suuuucks so much. Charles Edwards is also doing an amazing job this season.

NOOOO NOT HIS HAND AUGH GORE WARNING

Getting knocked unconscious twice in an episode is probably bad for the head.

GALADRIEL HERE TO SAVE HER COUSIN (BUT TOO LATE)

So sad :(((

Sorry doomed OC elves. Nice knowing you tho.

Celebrimbor gets to deliver another Tolkien speech for this season. Thank you, doomed smith.

Run, Galadriel, ruuuun.

Rolling the Rs on Rían there lol. And yeah she's gonna die, as I predicted based on the trailers :/

That sucks. She was so cool for how brief her scenes were.

ARONDIR ELFIEST ELF TO EVER ELF

Dammit Damrod

Oooh creepy Sauron power moment. Terrifying.

RIP additional Eregion elf OC.

Sure glad Elrond has plot armor!

Not the horsesssss

It's fine, Elrond, Gil-galad can't die yet. The real concern I have is for Arondir.

Poor sad Elrond :(

The light is here!

RIP no dwarves :(

Poor bb Elrond :((((

So stressed about Arondir rn.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

STOP KILLING MY FAVES ;_;

FUCKSAKE

Dammit dammit dammit

[smlpodcast]

The SML Podcast - Episode 961: Sick Filth

Download Episode 961 --

It's news, reviews, and a whole lotta potty humor coming up on SML, so buckle in!

The show kicks off with Jacob Garner, Bri Galgano, and Aki on hand to welcome Dave K back to the show to chat about toilets and doo-doo and other acts of filth and perversion. Like Sony's State of Play event! We cover it top to bottom from Dynasty Warriors to Concord to Astro Bot. We also have tons of PS Plus Game Catalog news, Call of Duty confirmed for Game Pass, Dragon Quest III news, Rainbow 6 Siege pissing off players, and tons more. Plus reviews! Portions of this show produced in part thanks to Ubisoft.

0:00 - Intro/News 42:36 - Eternal Threads - Cosmonaut Studios, Secret Mode (Bri) 57:05 - Echoes - Nova-box (Dave K) 1:05:17 - The Rogue Prince of Persia - Evil Empire, Ubisoft (Aki) 1:15:27 - HYPERCHARGE Unboxed - Digital Cybercherries Limited (Jacob) 1:21:55 - The Mermaid of Zennor - ebi-hime, Penguin Pop Games (Aki) 1:27:38 - Horizon Chase 2 - Aquiris Game Studio, Epic Games (Jacob) 1:33:16 - SML AFTER DARK: Lust Theory Season 1 - Inceton Games (Aki)

The show ends with some dirty, filthy music from Danimal Cannon about the music industry!

1:46:49 - Danimal Cannon - The Music Industry Is Horrible And So Is This Song (Mega Man 9)

https://www.cosmonautstudios.co.uk/ https://wearesecretmode.com/ https://www.nova-box.com/ https://evilempirestudio.com/ https://www.ubisoft.com/ https://digitalcybercherries.com/ https://twitter.com/ebihimes https://www.penguinpop.com/ https://www.aquiris.com.br/ep https://www.epicgames.com/ https://twitter.com/inceton https://www.danimalcannon.com/ https://www.keymailer.co/ https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-sml-podcast/id826998112 https://open.spotify.com/show/6KQpzHeLsoyVy6Ln2ebNwK https://twitter.com/theSMLpodcast/ https://www.facebook.com/theSMLpodcast/ https://store.streamelements.com/thesmlpodcast ALL REVIEWED GAMES HAVE BEEN PROVIDED FOR FREE FOR THE PURPOSE OF ANY COVERAGE ON THE SHOW

[rey-jake-therapist]

FOUND THEM!!

You should really read before watching the next episodes... it's like, really bad 😬

Yes, there's an Elrond/Galadriel kiss. It's episode 7, very brief, and only done so Elrond can pass Galadriel a needle and help her escape Adar

Deaths: Adar, Celebrimbor, Damrod, most of the elves from Galadriel/Elrond's expedition + a whole bunch of nameless elves during the siege

Arondir survives, choosing to take down Damrod and save his fellow elves rather than go after Adar

Celebrimbanner is very much in, although he's placed where the statue of Feanor went rather than on the frontline

Durin III/Balrog fight confirmed, happens on a bridge like (maybe the same as) Gandalf's in FOTR?

The Stranger is definitely 100% Gandalf

Damrod actually sings the Last Ballad of Damrod as he goes into battle

Galadriel calls Halbrand "the hottest son of a bitch I've ever hated"

Cowron does not appear

Not too sure about this, but Ep 8 seems to hint that the Dark Wizard is some kind of "pre-incarnated" version of Farmer Maggot

Halfway through Episode 8, Poppy mistranslates "Suzat" as "South" and ends up in Mordor. It's hinted she might take control of the orcs Adar left behind

Mr. Mouse is Morgoth. This is who Mirdania is referring to when she says "I think he has been here all along"

Sauron uses Black Speech in his final scene, which appears to be Romanian spoken backwards

Post-credits sex scene between Snaggleroot and Winterbloom

Just a little bit of spoiler warning now to "Rings of Power" fans as last night the show had a screening in New York of the final 2 episodes of season 2 with the cast, writers, press, and fans, which means there might be actual spoilers out there now for what happens. I didn't really believe that many of the "leaks" before this but now that people have seen it going by my other fandoms when this happens there usually are people that leak the whole thing. So just be careful online especially if you don't want to be spoiled for anything that happens the rest of the season.

[soft-spot-for-speedsters]

"Blue Beetle" episode list- "Batman: The Brave and The Bold"

So, I just finished watching all of "Batman: The Brave and The Bold" and since that is what first introduced me to the hero Blue Beetle III (Jaime Reyes and Khaji Da), I wanted to compile a list of all episodes they appear in. I did also sort of include Ted Kord, the second Blue Beetle, and it is as much marked accordingly. One is red because that is technically the Scarlet Scarab, but it is still Jaime.

And I am tagging you, because you may like the list or see if i missed something, @bluejogan. Excuse any spelling errors, rip.

I marked if they were from the pre-intro shorts or the main episodes, and then if they were major/minor/background appearances relative to that.

Episodes under the cut!!

Season 1:

EP 1 - Rise of the Blue Beetle

Main EP, Blue Beetle-centric. Major spotlight.

EP 4 - Invasion of the Secret Santas

Pre-intro short scene. Major.

EP 8 - Fall of the Blue Beetle

Main EP, BB-centric. Major. Jaime Reyes and Ted Kord (flashbacks).

EP 12 - Deep Cover for Batman

Main EP, Scarlet Scarab (Villain!Blue Beetle). Minor.

EP 13 - Game over for Owlman

Main EP, minor.

EP 16 - Night of the Huntress

Main EP, BB-centric(?). Major.

EP 24 - The Fate of Equinox

Main EP, background appearances, no speaking.

Season 2:

EP 3 - Revenge of the Reach

Main EP, BB-centric, major.

EP 4 - Aquaman's Outrageous Adventure

Main EP, minor(?)

EP 10 - The Power of Shazam

Pre-intro, minor

EP 14 - The Siege of Starro pt.2

Main EP, minor/background.

EP 18 - Menace of the Madniks

TED KORD - BB-centric, major.

EP 22 - Cry Freedom Fighters

Pre-intro, major.

EP 24 - Darkseid Descending

Main EP, major.

Season 3:

EP 3 - Shadow of the Bat

Main EP, major.

EP 6 - Time out for Vengeance

Main EP, major.

EP 10 - Powerless

Main EP, minor/background.

EP 11 - Crisis 22,300 miles above Earth

Main EP, major(?)

EP 13 - Mitefall

Main EP, background.

[darth-memes]

Road to Obi-Wan Kenobi

This is our list to watch before the show:

MOVIES & TV

In Chronological Order:

Ep I. The Phantom Menace

Ep II. Attack of the Clones

The Clone Wars 

(Just the essentials, because it could be the whole show. But, come on, do you really need an excuse to rewatch The Clone Wars?)

Dooku Captured (1x11 - 1x12)

The First Satine Arc (2x12 - 2x14)

The Mortis Arc (3x16 - 3x18)

The Zygerria Arc (4x11 - 4x13)

The Rako Hardeen Arc (4x15 - 4x18)

Revenge (4x22)

The Maul-Mandalore Arc (5x14 - 5x16)

The Siege of Mandalore (7x09-7x10 just the first two episodes)

Ep III. Revenge of the Sith

Star Wars Rebels:

Twin Suns (3x20)

Ep IV. A New Hope

COMIC & BOOKS

In chronological order:

Before Ep I. The Phantom Menace:

Master & Apprentice

Age of Republic: Qui-Gon Jinn

Before Ep II. Attack of the Clones:

Age of Republic: Obi-Wan Kenobi

Obi-Wan Kenobi & Anakin

Before Ep III. Revenge of the Sith:

Dark Disciple

After Ep III. Revenge of the Sith:

Star Wars: Darth Vader - Dark Lord of the Sith

Ahsoka, interlude between chapter 20 and 21

Star Wars (2015), #7, 15 i 20

During Ep IV. A New Hope

From a Certain Point of View:

"Master and Apprentice" - Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon

"Beru Whitesun Lars" - Beru Lars

"Time of Death" - Obi-Wan and Vader

FOR THE INQUISITORS:

Star Wars: Darth Vader - Dark Lord of the Sith

Star Wars Jedi: Fallen Order

Star Wars Rebels (The Grand Inquisitor essential episodes):

Rise of the Old Masters (1x05)

Call to Action (1x13)

Rebel Resolve (1x14)

Fire Across the Galaxy (1x15)

[meandmyechoes]

So I've been trying to make sense of Ahsokas timeline in s7 considering the growth of her lekku when we first see her again in Coruscants underworld and I thought you'd be the best person to ask😂

Do you think her design is a design error that animators didn't think through as they like to do or do you think it actually indicates she's been away from the order for idk 3 months or something before she stumbles into the sisters? Also how much time do you think she spent with Bo-Katan (lekku growth again, new armor, they are kinda familiar with each other too) I have some thoughts but I'm not aware of any canon info on this. :')

okay let's break this down.

Design

No, the design is definitely intentional, considering Ms. Ahsoka 'D' (7.05-08) and 'E' (7.09-12) exist. They are two different 3D models and the lekku growth is noted on the character sheets. (and no, I have no idea what the Ahsoka C model is. Not mortis adult ver., not youngling ver., not Rebels adult ver., not monkey boots/original walkabout outfit)

Timeline

Actually, this problem is pretty simple, by using Anakin as a benchmark. Ahsoka met Anakin on Coruscant before he leaves for the Outer Rim Sieges in 7.06, and she saw him again during the Siege on Yerbana. So, Ahsoka stayed with Bo-Katan roughly as long as the Outer Rim Sieges has gone on.

ROTS novel states the Sieges to be 'five months' long (Ch 9). That is no longer Disney canon and does not comply with events of TCW really. so I suggest we compress the number to 3, the minimum for Padme's a baby bump to show. With 2021 Character Encyclopedia listing the Lawless arc as the earliest event in 19BBY,

it gives us the feasible timeline of: (month.week)

1.1-2 Lawless arc (5.14-16)

1.3-4 Wrong Jedi arc (5.17-20)

(2-3 Season 6, Utapau arc, Son of Dathomir, Dark Disciple Part 2, Thrawn Alliances)

3.3 Ahsoka's Walkabout (7.05-08)

3-6 Outer Rim Sieges

~5 Bad Batch arc (7.01-04)

6.3-4 ROTS/Siege of Mandalore (7.09-7.12)

In conclusion, after leaving the Order, Ahsoka spent about two months on her own, maximum two weeks with the Martez sisters and a little under three months with Bo-Katan and the Nite Owls. The Siege of Mandalore, as concurrent with Revenge of the Sith, takes about 10 days, as established in the rots timeline by allthingskenobi.

this rough work of course, neglects all hyperspace travel time.

Comments

After solving the problem, I realize it is not an intuitive reading. the lekku growth between models B and D (S5-S7) is greater than D and E (walkabout-siege), logically, then so should the B-D timeskip be longer than D-E. The feasible timeline says otherwise: B-D is 2 months apart while D-E is 3. Now I have to work backwards and suggest B-D is Ahsoka's growth spurt to explain the non-linear increase.

Last year, I initially based Bo-Katan and Ahsoka period together to be a month long based on similar observation: Not just the in-S7 growth is relatively shorter than between S5-S7, it was barely noticeable on the first watch, definitely so to the untrained eye. So I don't assume much time has passed. Especially, since Maul is an elusive target, and Bo-Katan claims, 'every minute we waste here, gives Maul an opportunity to slip away' (7.09) to highlight the urgency of the matter.

What did Ahsoka do in the blank months?

The Walkabout arc is written about an Ahsoka fresh from leaving the Order. Then, there was the Sith Temple arc in the original season 8, that was suppose to fill up the blank months after, and reconnects her back to the GAR for Siege of Mandalore. With the cancellation and revival, the Sith Temple arc is no longer compatible and thus Walkabout is pushed back to the brink of EP III. Therefore, we can only assume she travels across Coruscant, meditating and finding herself in the Force.

(concept art for original walkabout arc, by Tara Rueping)

[lions-and-men-musical]

Act III: (Eps 7-10)

3.1: The Chryseis Dilemma

Cressida and Troilus are properly introduced; Cressida/Chryseis’s ulterior motives are revealed “Knock-Knock (Folly & Ignorance)”

Cressida is caught for being a spy. Apollo gets mad at her capture and sends a plague to the Achaeans. Achilles argues with Agamemnon on whether or not to release her, “The Chryseis Dilemma”, Agamemnon reluctantly agrees.

Agamemnon, mad at Achilles for arguing with him, reminds him of his “Purpose”, and doesn’t let him have a medic (Briseis) anymore. Achilles, angry, refuses to fight.

Cressida goes back to Troy, and Apollo talks to her and Cassandra. “Eyes On Us”

3.2: Hope Runs Thin

The Achaeans struggle to fight without Achilles. “Hold The Line”

Nestor, Odysseus, and Patroklos try to convince Achilles to go back to war. “I’m Begging You”

Hector begins to grow tired of fighting, and seeks comfort in Andromache; Achilles and Patroklos mirror them. “Someone Worth Fighting For (Reprise)”

Hector has a moral dilemma, realizes that violence isn’t the key.

Achilles lets Patroklos takes his swords into battle. Patroklos kills many Trojans, notably Sarpedon, before Hector (forced to fight by Priam and Helen) kills Patroklos. Cassandra watches. “Fly On, Canary”

3.3: Rage

Achilles finds out Patroklos is dead, flies into rage. “Nothing Left To Lose”

Achilles orders for Hephaestus to make him new swords and put a catalyst on his eye, preparing to go into Troy and kill Hector.

Achilles's friends and family realize theres no saving him. “Home”

Briseis and Automedon try to confront Achilles before going to Troy alone, attempting to join him, but he refuses. “Let me bleed”

Achilles makes it to Troy and rips the force field with his new swords. He, in a manic rage, kills hundreds of Trojans, and Cassandra watches in horror as the prophecy comes true. “Rage (Reprise)”

Finally, Achilles reaches Priam & his sons’ palace. He demands to see Hector. Despite Troilus, Paris, and Cassandra begging him not to, Hector fights Achilles. “No Oaths” Hector dies.

4: Finale (very long)

The Achaeans throw a funeral for Patroklos, and Trojans for Hector. Paris feels guilty and wonders if Hector’s death is his fault.

The ghost of Patroklos visits Achilles as Paris, trying to prove himself, goes into the Achaean camp and shoots Achilles. “You Don’t Know”

The Achaeans mourn Achilles. Odysseus assigns Diomedes (rather than G Ajax) to the front line to replace Achilles; Agamemnon gifts Odysseus (rather than G Ajax) Achilles’ swords.

In the morning, Little Ajax wakes up early to train. He finds out that Greater Ajax had committed suicide the night before by burning himself with the Ares vial that Hector had given him. Little Ajax calls the other Achaeans in to access the situation. “Costs Too Great”

Realizing 3 of their greatest soldiers are dead, the Achaeans bring in Neoptolemus (Deidamia’s semi-successful clone). “Choose Your Fighter (Reprise)”

Odysseus starts to prepare for what he plans on being the final fight. He, assisted by Diomedes, attempts to create a sleepgas bomb. But, to do this, they need the Athena’s Palladium, stolen by Troy in the Battle of Sparta.

They sneak to Troy but are stopped by the Force field. Helen, stopping her conversation with Paris, sees them outside and decides to go out and talk. Odysseus proposes they gamble for the Palladium, and Helen agrees. What Helen doesn’t know is that Odysseus made cards resistant to her eye modifications (which allow her to cheat). She loses, and reluctantly gives the Palladium. “Retrieving the Palladium (Pokerface)”

While going back to the Base, Odysseus thinks about how Agamemnon told him about Diomedes being a liability. His urge to kill Diomedes is triggered by the latter nearly dropping the Palladium while he was messing around. He attacks Diomedes, but Diomedes dodges. This makes their relationship more tense.

The Achaeans attack Troy. “The Trojan HORSSE”. The siege (and song) happens in 5 acts: 1, Menelaus goes into Troy to ‘negotiate’ and activates the Sleepgas Bomb and deactivates the force field. 2; the Achaeans break into the city and start killing Trojans. 3; the Gods get involved. 4; Odysseus and Neoptolemus scout the top of the city, meet Andromache, and kill Astyanax. 5; after all Trojans have either retreated or died, Menelaus and Agamemnon celebrate.

Everyone mourns their losses “Dirge”

Note: in ACT II, I changed the name of Hector’s intro song to The Shining Helm & changed the one in ep 5 to a The Shining Helm (reprise). It just doesn’t show up bc reblogs are weird like that

Story Layout for Act I (Eps 1-3)

(“Red text” indicates a song title)

1.1: Sing, Muse

Cassandra & Calliope have their prophecies. “Rage (Extended)”

Achilles is listening to music, then forced to train by Thetis as Patroklos accidentally hurts Clysonymus and is banished for it. “Greatness”

Patroklos is banished to the Western Phthia, his room is across from Achilles’ in the east. They begin to become friends/mutual crushes “Ashes to Ashes”

In the Sparta Penthouse, Menelaus is performing as Helen is gambling. Neither want to be there, but don’t want to give up their positions of power. “The King of Sparta”

Paris, on ground level, is approached by 3 goddesses. They offer him different things, and Aphrodite offers to get him into the Penthouse. He chooses Aphrodite. “Dancing With Devils”

1.2: Sparta & Pelion

Paris gets into the Penthouse & meets Helen. Helen wants to be with him, but doesnt want to lose her power. She decides to run away with him & leaves the Penthouse. “Animal”

Patroklos and Achilles are told they must go to Pelion to train. When Achilles leaves the room, Thetis tells Patroklos of the Prophecy. Achilles comes back, and he & Patroklos talk about the possibility of going to war. “Someone Worth Fighting For”

Achilles & Patroklos are sent to Pelion. Achilles, Patroklos, and Chiron train. “Hold Me Down”

Achilles & Patroklos go to their floor. Achilles goes to sleep while Patroklos thinks about the prophecy. “Ashes To Ashes (Reprise)”

1.3: This Means War

Menelaus discovers what happened with Helen & Paris and declares war on Troy.

Patroklos is taken to war, Achilles escapes to Skryos.

On Skyros, he is disguised as a girl and starts to become friends with Deidamia. “Skyros Party”

Ares is distraught as to whether to support Sparta or Troy. Athena tries to convince him to fight for Sparta, Aphrodite tries for Troy. “Fight For Us”

Patroklos fears for Achilles, Achilles opens up to Deidamia. “The Weapon (Preprise)”

Achilles gets found by Diomedes & Odysseus and is sent to war.

Helen begins to take control of Troy as they prepare for war. “I Run This City”

[ghostcultmagazine]

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[creepycute-puppy-gf]

So, apparently I forgot to post my updated and complete top 100 games??? Yeah I finished it & I THOUGHT I sent it out but u know,,, how it is with spaghetti.

So this is my very own personal top 100 games idga fffuck if I'm wrong in your book I will make you play the hobbit for the gamecube if you challenge me- list. I am feeling a lil high thank u bleach does that to me dw.

Final Fantasy VIII

Vampire The Masquerade: Bloodlines

Mass Effect

Diablo 2 + LOD

Quake + Expansions

Life is Strange + Before the Storm

Silent Hill 3

The Cat Lady

Sonic The Hedgehog (1991)

Dark Cloud 2

Half life + Op. Force and Blue Shift

Runescape (Classic)

Final Fantasy XIII-2

Mass Effect 2

Tales of Berseria

Star Ocean 2

Killing Floor

DOOM

Geneforge

Fallout: New Vegas

Final Fantasy VII

Half Life 2 + Eps

Elder Scrolls IV Oblivion

Geneforge 2

Summon Night Swordcraft Story 1 + 2

Devil May Cry 3

Arcade Spirits

Kingdom Hearts

Rainbow Six Siege

Minecraft

Dragon Age

Final Fantasy X

Psychonauts

Spyro

Jade Empire

Mirror's Edge

Dragon Quest VIII

Final Fantasy XIII Lightning Returns

Changeling

Ratchet and Clank

Robot Arena 2

Megaman Legends 2

Twisted Metal 4

Final Fantasy V

Mass Effect 3

Kingdom Hearts 2

Yu-Gi-Oh Forbidden Memories

Final Fantasy XIII

Stardew Valley

Silent Hill

Wolfenstein 3D

Overwatch

Left for Dead 1 & 2

Cry of Fear

Resident Evil 4

Sonic 3

Sonic Mania

Hexen 2

Elder Scrolls V Skyrim

Starbound

Dirty Bomb

Deus Ex

Gone Home

Spyro 3

DOOM (2016)

Final Fantasy III

Scribblenauts Unlimited

Harvest Moon Back to Nature

Baldur's Gate 2

Crash Team Racing

Fire Emblem Fates

Sonic Colors

Toejam and Earl

Ratchet and Clank 2

Crash Bandicoot 3

Chrono Trigger

Twisted Metal Black

BLOOD

DOOM 2

Devil May Cry 2

Borderlands 2

The Forest

Bastion

Counter Strike: Source

Digimon World 3

FEAR

Borderlands

When The Night Comes

Fortress Forever

Dragon Quest V

Saints Row The Third

Civilization 3

Brutal Legend

Harvest Moon Magical Melody

Arcanum

Oxenfree

Fallout

Fatal Frame 2

Monster Rancher Battle Card Ep. 2

Brave Fencer Musashi

Long post so I just sectioned it off. I DID change some placements from my top 50 as my feelings have changed!! I even forgot a few back then and I hope this list is a good representation of my tastes n exposure.

[hellouniversegoodbyeworld]

Martial, Epigrams. Book 1. Bohn's Classical Library (1897)

BOOK I.

TO THE READER

I trust that, in these little books of mine, I have observed such self-control, that whoever forms a fair judgment from his own' mind can make no complaint of them, since they indulge their sportive fancies without violating the respect due even to persons of the humblest station; a respect which was so far disregarded by the authors of antiquity, that they made free use, not only of real, but of great names. For me; let fame be held in less estimation, and let such talent be the last thing commended in me.

Let the ill-natured interpreter, too, keep himself from meddling with the simple meaning of my jests, and not write my epigrams for me.1 He acted honourably who exercises perverse ingenuity on another man's book: For the free plainness of expression, that is, for the language of epigram, I would apologize, if I were introducing the practice; but it is thus that Catullus writes, and Marsus, and Pedo, and Getulicus, and every one whose writings are read through. If any assumes to be so scrupulously nice, however, that it is not allowable to address him, in a single page, in plain language, he may confine himself to this address, or rather to the title of the book. Epigrams are written for those who are accustomed to be spectators at the games of Flora. Let not Cato enter my theatre; or, if he do enter, let him look on. It appears to me that I shall do only what I have a right to do, if I close my address with the following verses:----

1 Let him not make them his own, by the false interpretation which he puts upon them.

TO CATO.

Since you knew the lascivious nature of the rites of sportive Flora, as well as the dissoluteness of the games, and the license of the populace, why, stern Cato, did you enter the theatre? Did you come in only that you might go out again?

I. TO THE READER.

The man whom you are reading is the very man that you want,----Martial, known over the whole world for his humorous books of epigrams; to whom, studious reader, you have afforded such honours, while he is alive and has a sense of them, as few poets receive after their death.

II. TO THE READER; SHOWING WHERE THE AUTHOR'S BOOKS MAY BE PURCHASED.

You who are anxious that my books should be with you everywhere, and desire to have them as companions on a long journey, buy a copy of which the parchment leaves are compressed into a small compass.1 Bestow book-cases upon large volumes; one hand will hold me. But that you may not be ignorant where I am to be bought, and wander in uncertainty over the whole town, you shall, under my guidance, be sure of obtaining me. Seek Secundus, the freedman of the learned Lucensis, behind the Temple of Peace and the Forum of Pallas.

1 That is, a copy with small pages; a small copy.

III. THE AUTHOR TO HIS BOOK.

You prefer, little book, to dwell in the shops in the Argiletum,1 though my book-case has plenty of room for you. You are ignorant, alas! you are ignorant of the fastidiousness of Rome, the mistress of the world; the sons of Man, believe me, are much too critical. Nowhere are there louder sneers; young men and old, and even boys, have the nose of the rhinoceros.2 After you have heard a loud "Bravo!" and are expecting kisses, you will go, tossed to the skies, from the jerked toga.3 Yet, that you may not so often suffer the corrections of your master, and that his relentless pen may not so often mark your vagaries, you desire, frolicsome little book, to fly through the air of heaven. Go, fly; but you would have been safer at home.

1 An open place, or square, in Rome, where tradesmen had shops. 2  Have great powers of ridicule, which the Romans often expressed by turning up or wrinkling the nose. 3  People will take you into their lap, and then jerk you out of it, as if you were tossed in a blanket

IV. TO CAESAR.

If you should chance, Caesar, to light upon my books, lay aside that look which awes the world. Even your triumphs have been accustomed to endure jests,1 nor is it any shame to a general to be a subject for witticisms. Read my verses, I pray you, with that brow with which you behold Thymele 2 and Latinus 3 the buffoon. The censorship 4 may tolerate innocent jokes: my page indulges in freedoms, but my life is pure.

1 In allusion to the jests which the soldiers threw out on their generals while they were riding in the triumphal procession. 2  A female dancer. 3 A dancer in pantomime; a sort of harlequin. 4  Alluding to Domitian having made himself perpetual censor.

V. THE EMPEROR'S REPLY.

I give you a sea-fight, and you give me epigrams: you wish, I suppose, Marcus, to be set afloat with your book.

VI. ON A LION OF CAESAR'S THAT SPARED A HARE.

While through the air of heaven the eagle was carrying the youth,1 the burden unhurt clung to its anxious talons. From Caesar's lions their own prey now succeeds in obtaining mercy, and the hare plays safe in their huge jaws. Which miracle do you think the greater? The author of each is a supreme being: the one is the work of Caesar; the other,2 of Jove.

1 Ganymede. 2 Comp. Eps. 14, 22.

VII. TO MAXIMUS

The dove, the delight of my friend Stella,3----even with Verona4 listening will I say it, ---- has surpassed, Maximus, the sparrow of Catullus. By so much is my Stella greater than your Catullus, as a dove is greater than a sparrow.

3 A poet of Patavium, who wrote an elegy on the dove of his mistress Ianthis. See B. vi. Ep. 21; B. vii. Ep. 13. 4 The birth-place of Catullus.

VIII. TO DECIANUS

In that you so far only follow the opinions of the great Thrasea and Cato of consummate virtue, that you still wish to preserve your life, and do not with bared breast rush upon drawn swords, you do, Decianus, what I should wish you to do. I do not approve of a man who purchases fame with life-blood, easy to be shed: I like him who can be praised without dying to obtain it.

IX. TO COTTA.

You wish to appear, Cotta, a pretty man and a great man at one and the same time: but he who is a pretty man, Cotta, is a very small man.

X. ON GEMELLUS AND MARONILLA.

Gemellus is seeking the hand of Maronilla, and is earnest, and lays siege to her, and beseeches her, and makes presents to her. Is she then so pretty? Nay; nothing can be more ugly. What then is the great object and attraction in her? ----Her cough.

XI. TO SEXTILIANUS.

Seeing that there are given to a knight twice five pieces,1 wherefore is twice ten the amount which you spend by yourself, Sextilianus, in drink? Long since would the warm water have failed the attendants who carried it, had you not, Sextilianus, been drinking your wine unmixed.2

1 Ten sesterces, the usual sportula, or donation from the emperor. 2 The Romans used to drink their wine mixed with warm water.

XII. ON REGULUS.

Where the road runs to the towers of the cool Tivoli, sacred to Hercules, and the hoary Albula 3 smokes with sulphureous waters, a milestone, the fourth from the neighbouring city, points out a country retreat, and a hallowed grove, and a domain well beloved of the Muses. Here a rude portico used to afford cool shade in summer; a portico, ah! how nearly the desperate cause of an unheard-of calamity: for suddenly it fell in ruins, after Regulus had just been conveyed in a carriage and pair from under its high fabric. Truly Dame Fortune feared our complaints, as she would have been unable to withstand so great odium. Now even our loss delights us; so beneficial is the impression which the very danger produces; since, while standing, the edifice could not have proved to us the existence of the gods.

3 A plain near Tivoli.

XIII. ON ARRIA AND PAETUS.

When the chaste Arria handed to her Paetus the sword which she had with her own hand drawn forth from her heart, "If you believe me," said she, "the wound which I have made gives me no pain; but it is that which you will make, Paetus, that pains me."

XIV. TO DOMITIAN.

The pastimes, Caesar, the sports and the play of the lions, we have seen: your arena affords you the additional sight of the captured hare returning often in safety from the kindly tooth, and running at large through the open jaws. Whence is it that the greedy lion can spare his captured prey? He is said to be yours: thence it is that he can show mercy.

XV. TO JULIUS.

Oh! you who are regarded by me, Julius, as second to none of my companions, if well-tried friendship and longstanding ties are worth anything, already nearly a sixtieth consul is pressing upon you, and your life numbers but a few more uncertain days. Not wisely would you defer the enjoyment which you see maybe denied you, or consider the past alone as your own. Cares and linked chains of disaster are in store; joys abide not, but take flight with winced speed. Seize them with either hand, and with your full grasp; even thus they will oft-times pass away and glide from your closest embrace. 'Tis not, believe me, a wise man's part to say, "I will live." To-morrow's life is too late: live to-day.

XVI. TO AVITUS.

Of the epigrams which you read here, some are good, some middling, many bad; a book, Avitus, cannot be made in any other way.

XVII. TO TITUS.

Titus urges me to go to the Bar, and often tells me, "The gains are large." The gains of the husbandman, Titus, are likewise large.

XVIII. TO TUCCA, ON HIS PARSIMONY.

What pleasure can it give you, Tucca, to mix with old Falernian wine new wine stored up in Vatican casks? What vast amount of good has the most worthless of wine done you? or what amount of evil has the best wine done you? As for us, it is a small matter; but to murder Falernian, and to put poisonous wine in a Campanian cask, is an atrocity. Your guests may possibly have deserved to perish: a wine-jar of such value has not deserved to die.

XIX. TO AELIA.

If I remember right, Aelia, you had four teeth; a cough displaced two, another two more. You can now cough without anxiety all the day long. A third cough can find nothing to do in your mouth.

XX. TO CAECILIANUS.

Tell me, what madness is this? While a whole crowd of invited guests is looking on, you alone, Caecilianus, devour the truffles. What shall I imprecate on you worthy of so large a stomach and throat? That you may eat a truffle such as Claudius ate.

XXI. ON PORSENA AND MUCIUS SCAEVOLA.

When the hand that aimed at the king mistook for him his secretary, it thrust itself to perish into the sacred fire but the generous foe could not endure so cruel a sight, and bade the hero, snatched from the flame, to be set free. The hand which, despising the fire, Mucius dared to burn, Porsena could not bear to look on Greater was the fame and glory of that right hand from being deceived; had it not missed its aim, it had accomplished less.

XXII. TO A HARE.

Why, silly hare, are you fleeing from the fierce jaws of the lion now grown tame? They have not learned to crush such tiny animals. Those talons, which you fear, are reserved for mighty necks, nor does a thirst so great delight in so small a draught of blood. The hare is the prey of hounds; it does not fill large mouths: the Dacian boy should not fear Caesar.

XXIII. TO COTTA.

You invite no one, Cotta, except those whom you meet at the bath; and the bath alone supplies you with guests. I used to wonder why you had never asked me, Cotta; I know now that my appearance in a state of nature was unpleasing in your eyes.

XXIV. TO DECIANUS.

You see yonder individual, Decianus, with locks uncombed, whose grave brow even you fear; who talks incessantly of the Curii and Camilli, defenders of their country's liberties: do not trust his looks; he was taken to wife but yesterday.

XXV. TO FAUSTINUS.

Issue at length your books to the public, Faustinus, and give to the light the work elaborated by your accomplished mind,----a work such as neither the Cecropian city of Pandion would condemn, nor our old men pass by in silence. Do you hesitate to admit Fame, who is standing before your door; and does it displease you to receive the reward of your labour? Let the writings, destined to live after you, begin to live through your means. Glory comes too late, when paid only to our ashes.

XXVI. TO SEXTILIANUS.

Sextilianus, you drink as much as five rows of knights  1 alone: you might intoxicate yourself with water, if you so often drank as much. Nor is it the coin of those who sit near you alone that you consume in drink, but the money of those far removed from you, on the distant benches. This vintage has not been concerned with Pelignian presses, nor was this juice of the grape produced upon Tuscan heights; but it is the glorious jar of the long-departed Opimius 2 that is drained, and it is the Massic cellar that sends forth its blackened casks. Get dregs of Laletane wine from a tavern-keeper, Sextilianus, if you drink more than ten cups.3

1 Seated on the benches allotted them in the theatre. See Ep. 12. 2  The vintage of B. C. 121, in which year L. Opimius was one of the consuls, was extremely celebrated, and is frequently mentioned by the Roman writers. 3  The number to which persons at feasts usually restricted themselves.

XXVII. TO PROCILLUS.

Last night I had invited you----after some fifty glasses, I suppose, had been despatched----to sup with me to-day. You immediately thought your fortune was made, and took note of my unsober words, with a precedent but too dangerous. I hate a boon companion whose memory is good, Procillus.

XXVIII. ON ACCERRA.

Whoever believes it is of yesterday's wine that Acerra smells, is mistaken: Acerra always drinks till morning.

XXIX. TO FIDENTINUS.

Report says that you, Fidentinus, recite my compositions in public as if they were your own. If you allow them to be called mine, I will send you my verses gratis; if you wish them to be called yours, pray buy them, that they may be mine no longer.

XXX. ON DIAULUS.

Diaulus had been a surgeon, and is now an undertaker. He has begun to be useful to the sick in the only way that he could.

XXXI. TO APOLLO, OF ENCOLPUS.

Encolpus, the favourite of the centurion his master, consecrates these, the whole of the locks from his head, to you, O Phoebus.1 When Pudens shall have rained the pleasing honour of the chief-centurionship, which he has so well merited, cut these long tresses close, O Phoebus, as soon as possible, while the tender face is yet undisfigured with down, and while the flowing hair adorns the milk-white neck; and, that both master and favourite may long enjoy your gifts, make him carry shorn, but late a man.2

1 Encolpus, a favourite of Aulus Pudens the centurion, had vowed his hair to Phoebus, is order that his master might soon be made chief centurion. Martial prays that they may both obtain what they desire. 2 Extend his youth as long as possible.

XXXII. TO SABIDIUS.

I do not love you, Sabidius, nor can I say why; I can only say this, I do not love you.

The following lines, in imitation of this epigram, were made by some Oxford wit, on Dr John Fell, Bishop of Oxford, who died in 1686:

I do not love thee, Doctor Fell; The reason why I cannot tell. But this I'm sure I know full well, I do not love thee, Doctor Fell.

XXXIII. ON GELLIA.

Gellia does not mourn for her deceased father, when she is alone; but if any one is present, obedient tears spring forth. He mourns not, Gellia, who seeks to be praised; he is the true mourner, who mourns without a witness.

XXXIV. TO LESBIA.

You always take your pleasure, Lesbia, with doors unguarded and open, nor are you at any pains to conceal your amusements. It is more the spectator, than the accomplice in your doings, that pleases you, nor are any pleasures grateful to your taste if they be secret. Yet the common courtesan excludes every witness by curtain and by bolt, and few are the chinks in a suburban brothel. Learn something at least of modesty from Chione, or from Alis: even the monumental edifices of the dead afford hiding-places for abandoned harlots. Does my censure seem too harsh? I do not exhort you to be chaste, Lesbia, but not to be caught.

XXXV. TO CORNELIUS.

You complain, Cornelius, that the verses which I compose are little remarkable for their reserve, and not such as a master can read out in his school; but such effusions, as in the case of man and wife, cannot please without some spice of pleasantry in them. What if you were to bid me write a hymeneal song in words not suited to hymeneal occasions? Who enjoins the use of attire at the Floral games, and imposes on the courtesan the reserve of the matron? This law has been allowed to frolicsome verses, that without tickling the fancy they cannot please. Lay aside, therefore, your severe look, I beseech you, and spare my jokes and gaiety, and do not desire to mutilate my compositions. Nothing is more disgusting than Priapus become a priest of Cybele.

XXXVI. TO THE BROTHERS LUCANUS AND TULLUS.

If, Lucanus, to you, or if to you, Tullus, had been offered such fates as the Laconian children of Leda enjoy, there would have been this noble struggle of affection in both of you, that each would have wished to die first in place of his brother; and he who should have first descended to the nether realms of shade would have said, "Live, brother, thine own term of days; live also mine."

XXXVII. TO BASSUS.

Yon deposit your excretions, without any sense of shame, into an unfortunate vessel of gold, while you drink out of glass. The former operation, consequently, is the more expensive.

XXXVIII. TO FIDENTINUS.

The book which you are reading aloud is mine, Fidentinus but, while you read it so badly, it begins to be yours.

With fruity accents, and so vile a tone, You quote my lines, I took them for your own.  Anon.

XXXIX. TO DECIANUS.

If there be any man fit to be numbered among one's few choice friends, a man such as the honesty of past times and ancient renown would readily acknowledge; if any man thoroughly imbued with the accomplishments of the Athenian and Latin Minervas, and exemplary for true integrity; if there be any man who cherishes what is right, and admires what is honourable, and asks nothing of the gods but what all may hear; if there be any man sustained by the strength of a great mind, may I die, if that man is not Decianus.

XL. TO AN ENVIOUS MAN.

You who make grimaces, and read these verses of mine with an ill grace, you, victim of jealousy, may, if you please, envy everybody; nobody will envy you.

XLI. TO CAECILIUS.

You imagine yourself Caecilius, a man of wit. You are no such thing, believe me. What then? A low buffoon; such a thing as wanders about in the quarters beyond the Tiber, and barters pale-coloured sulphur matches for broken glass; such a one as sells boiled peas and beans to the idle crowd; such as a lord and keeper of snakes; or as a common servant of the salt-meat-sellers; or a hoarse-voiced cook who carries round smoking sausages in steaming shops; or the worst of street poets; or a blackguard slave-dealer from Gades;1 or a chattering old debauchee. Cease at length, therefore, to imagine yourself that which is imagined by you alone, Caecilius, you who could have silenced Gabba, and even Testius Caballus, with your jokes. It is not given to every one to have taste; he who jests with a stupid effrontery is not a Testius, but a Caballus.3

1 See Juvenal xi. 163, and Mayor's note. 3 A play on the word Caballus, which, as an appellative noun, meant a hack-horse.

XLII. ON PORCIA.

When Porcia had heard the fate of her consort Brutus, and her grief was seeking the weapon, which had been carefully removed from her," You know not yet," she cried, "that death cannot be denied: I had supposed that my father had taught you this lesson by his fate. She spoke, and with eager mouth swallowed the blazing coals. "Go now, officious attendants, and refuse me a sword, if you will."

XLIII. ON MANCINUS.

Twice thirty were invited to your table, Mancinus, and nothing was placed before us yesterday but a wild-boar. Nowhere were to be seen grapes preserved from the late vines, or apples vying in flavour with sweet honey-combs; nowhere the pears which hang suspended by flexible twigs, or pomegranates the colour of summer roses: nor did the rustic basket supply its milky cheeses, or the olive emerge from its Picenian jar. Your wild-boar was by itself: and it was even of the smallest size, and such a one as might have been slaughtered by an unarmed dwarf. Besides, none of it was given us; we simply looked on it as spectators. This is the way in which even the arena places a wild-boar before us. May no wild-boar be placed before you after such doings, but may you be placed before the boar in front of which Charidemus was placed.1

1 By Domitian, to be torn in pieces. See Sueton. Life of Domit.

XLIV. TO STELLA.

If it seems to you too much, Stella, that my longer and shorter compositions are occupied with the frisky gambols of the hares and the play of the lions, and that I go over the same subject twice, do you also place a hare twice before me.

XLV. ON HIS BOOK.

That the care which I have bestowed upon what I have published may not come to nothing through the smallness of my volumes, let me rather fill up my verses with Τὸν δ̕ ἀπαμειθόμενος.1

1 Let me rather use frequent repetitions, just as Homer frequently repeats these words.

XLVI. TO HEDYLUS.

[From the Loeb translation]

When you say "I haste; now is the time," then, Hedylus, my ardour at once flags and weakens. Bid me wait: more quickly, stayed, shall I speed on. Hedylus, if you do haste, tell me not to haste!

XLVII. ON DIAULUS.

Diaulus, lately a doctor, is now an undertaker: what he does as an undertaker, he used to do also as a doctor.

XLVIII. ON THE LION AND HARE.

The keepers could not snatch the bulls from those wide jaws, through which the fleeting prey, the hare, goes and returns in safety; and, what is still more strange, he starts from his foe with increased swiftness, and contracts something of the great nobleness of the lion's nature. He is not safer when he courses along the empty arena, nor with equal feeling of security does he hide him in his hutch. If, venturous hare, you seek; to avoid the teeth of the hounds, you have the jaws of the lion to which you may flee for refuge.

XLIX. TO LICINIANUS.

O you, whose name must not be left untold by Celtiberian nations, you the honour of our common country, Spain, you, Licinianus, will behold the lofty Bilbilis, renowned for horses and arms, and Catus1 venerable with his locks of snow, and eased Vadavero with ita broken cliffs, and the sweet grove of delicious Botrodus, which the happy Pomona loves. You will breast the gently-flowing water of the warm Congedus and the calm lakes of the Nymphs, and your body, relaxed by these, you may brace up in the little Salo, which hardens iron. There Voberca 2 herself will supply for your meals animals which may be brought down close at hand. The serene summer heat you will disarm by bathing in the golden Tagus, hidden beneath the shades of trees; your greedy thirst the fresh Dercenna will appease, and Nutha, which in coldness surpasses snow. But when hoar December and the furious solstice shall resound with the hoarse blasts of the north-wind, you will again seek the sunny shores of Tarraco and thine own Laletania. There you will despatch hinds caught in your supple toils, and native boars; and you will tire out the cunning hare with your hardy steed; the stags you will leave to your bailiff. The neighboring wood will come down into your very hearth, surrounded as it will be with a troop of uncombed children. The huntsman will be invited to your table, and many a guest called in from the neighbourhood will come to you. The crescent-adorned boot 3 will be nowhere to be seen, nowhere the toga and garments smelling of purple dye. Far away will be the ill-favoured Liburnian porter 4 and the grumbling client; far away the imperious demands of widows. The pale criminal will not break your deep sleep, but all the morning long you will enjoy your slumber. Let another earn the grand and wild "Bravo!" Do you pity such happy ones, and enjoy without pride true delight, while your friend Sura is crowned with applause. Not unduly does life demand of us our few remaining days, when fame has as much as is sufficient.

1 Catus and Vadavero are names of mountains near Bilbilis. Botrodus is a small town; Congedus and Salo, riven.   2 The name of a town. Dercenna and Nutha are fountains.   3 Worn by senators. 4 See Juvenal, iv. 75.

L. TO AEMILIANUS.

If your cook, Aemilianus, is called Mistyllus, why should not mine be called Taratalla?1

1 A meaningless jest taken from Homer's words (Il. i.465).

LI. TO A HARE.

No neck, save the proudest, serves for the fierce lion. Why do you, vain-glorious hare, flee from these teeth? No doubt you would wish them to stoop from the huge bull to you, and to crush a neck which they cannot see. The glory of an illustrious death must be an object of despair to you. You, a tiny prey, canst not fall before such an enemy!

LII. TO QUINCTIANUS.

To you, Quinctianus, do I commend my books, if indeed I can call books mine, which your poet recites.1 If they complain of a grievous yoke, do you come forward as their advocate, and defend them efficiently; and when he calls himself their master, say that they were mine, but have been given 2 by me to the public. If you will proclaim this three or four times, you will bring shame on the plagiary.

1 A poet that recited verses to Quinctianus; the same, probably, that is mentioned in the next epigram. 2 Manumitted; released from my portfolio.

LIII. TO FIDENTINUS.

One page only in my books belongs to you, Fidentinus, but it bears the sure stamp of its master, and accuses your verses of glaring theft. Just so does a Gallic frock coming in contact with purple city cloaks stain them with grease and filth; just so do Arretine1 pots disgrace vases of crystal; so is a buck crow, straying perchance on the banks of the Cayster, laughed to scorn amid the swans of Leda: and so, when the sacred grove resounds with the music of the tuneful nightingale, the miscreant magpie disturbs her Attic plaints. My books need no one to accuse or judge you: the page which is yours stands up against you and says, "You are a thief"

1 Earthen pots from Arretium, a town of Etruria.

LIV. TO FUSCUS.

If, Fuscus, you have room to receive still more affection, (for you have friends around you on all sides), I ask you one place in your heart, if one still remains vacant, and that you will not refuse because I am a stranger to you: all your old friends were so once. Simply consider whether he who is presented to you a stranger is likely to become an old friend.

LV. TO FRONTO.

If you, Fronto, so distinguished an ornament of military and civil life, desire to learn the wishes of your friend Marcus, he prays for this, to be the tiller of his own farm, nor that a large one, and he loves inglorious repose in as unpretending sphere. Does any one haunt the porticoes of cold variegated Spartan marble, and run to offer, like a fool, his morning greetings, when he might, rich with the spoils of grave and field, unfold before his fire his well-filled nets, and lift the leaping fish with the quivering line, and draw forth the yellow honey from the red1 cask, while a plump housekeeper loads his unevenly-propped table, and his own eggs are cooked by an unbought fire? That the man who loves not me may not love this life, is my wish; and let him drag out life pallid with the cares of the city.

1 Stained with vermilion.

LVI. TO A VINTNER.

Harassed with continual rains, the vineyard drips with wet. You cannot sell us, vintner, even though you wish, neat wine.

LVII. TO FLACCUS.

Do you ask what sort of maid I desire or dislike, Flaccus? I dislike one too easy, and one too coy. The just mean, which lies between the two extremes, is what I approve; I like neither that which tortures, nor that which cloys.

LVIII. DE PUERI PRETIO.

[Untranslated]

LIX. TO FLACCUS.

The sportula1 at Baiae brings me in a hundred farthings; of what use is such a miserable sum in the midst of such sumptuous baths? Give me back the darksome baths of Lupus and Gryllus. When I sup so scantily, Flaccus, why should I bathe so luxuriously?

1 Sportula. A present from the richer class to the poorer; nominally the price of a supper. See Dict. Antiqq. s. v.

LX. ON THE LION AND HARE.

Hare, although you enter the wide jaws of the fierce lion, still he imagines his mouth to be empty. Where is the back on which he shall rush? where the shoulders on which he shall flail? where shall he fix those deep bites which he inflicts on young bulls? why do you in vain weary the lord and monarch of the groves? 'Tis only on the wild prey of his choice that he feeds.

LXI. TO LICINIANUS, ON THE COUNTRIES OF CELEBRATED AUTHORS.

Verona loves the verses of her learned Poet; Mantua is blest in her Maro; the territory of Apona is renowned for its Livy, its Stella, and not less for its Flaccus. The Nile, whose waters are instead of rain, applauds its Apollodorus; the Pelignians vaunt their Ovid. Eloquent Cordova speaks of its two Senecas and its single and preeminent Lucan. Voluptuous Gades delights in her Canius,1 Emerita in my friend Decianus. Our Bilbilis will be proud of you, Licinianus, nor will be altogether silent concerning me.

1 See b. iii. Ep. 20.

LXII. ON LAEVINA.

Laevina, so chaste as to rival even the Sabine women of old, and more austere than even her stern husband, chanced, while entrusting herself sometimes to the waters of the Lucrine lake, sometimes to those of Avernus, and while frequently refreshing herself in the baths of Baiae, to fall into flames of love, and, leaving her husband, fled with a young gallant. She arrived a Penelope, she departed a Helen.

LXIII. TO CELER.

You ask me to recite to you my Epigrams. I cannot oblige you; for you wish not to hear them, Celer, but to recite them.1

1 To plagiarise them from me, and then to recite them as your own.

LXIV. TO FABULLA.

You are pretty,----we know it; and young,----it is true; and rich,----who can deny it? But when you praise yourself extravagantly, Fabulla, you appear neither rich, nor pretty, nor young.

LXV. TO CAECILIANUS.

When I said ficus, you laughed at it as a barbarous word, Caecilianus, and bade me say ficos. I shall call the produce of the fig-tree ficus; yours I shall call ficos.1

1 An untranslatable jest on the double meaning of the word ficus, which, when declined ficus, -i, means piles or someone afflicted with it; and when ficus -lis, a fig-tree.

LXVI. TO A PLAGIARIST.

You are mistaken, insatiable thief of my writings, who think a poet can be made for the mere expense which copying, and a cheap volume cost. The applause of the world is not acquired for six or even ten sesterces. Seek out for this purpose verses treasured up, and unpublished efforts, known only to one person, and which the father himself of the virgin sheet, that has not been worn and scrubbed by bushy chins, keeps sealed up in his desk. A well-known book cannot change its master. But if there is one to be found vet unpolished by the pumice-stone, yet unadorned with bosses and cover, buy it: I have such by me, and no one shall know it. Whoever recites another's compositions, and seeks for fame, must buy, not a book, but the author's silence.

LXVII. TO CHOERILUS.

"You are too free-spoken," is your constant remark to me, Choerilus. He who speaks against you, Choerilus, is indeed a free speaker.1

1 Free from all restraint, for he may say all sorts of things against you without fear of contradiction.

LXVIII. ON RUFUS.

Whatever Rufus does, Naevia is all in all to him. Whether he rejoices, or mourns, or is silent, it is ever Naevia. He eats, he drinks, he asks, he refuses, he gesticulates, Naevia alone is in his thoughts: if there were no Naevia, he would be mute. When he had written a dutiful letter yesterday to his father, he ended it with, "Naevia, light of my eyes, Naevia, my idol, farewell" Naevia read these words, and laughed with downcast looks. Naevia is not yours only: what madness is this, foolish man?

LXIX. TO MAXIMUS.

Tarentos,3 which was wont to exhibit the statue of Pan, begins now, Maximus, to exhibit that of Canius.

3 Tarentos, a place in the Campus Martius, in which was a temple consecrated to Plato, and filled with statues of Pan, the Satyrs, and other deities or remarkable personages. On Canius, a humorous poet of Gades, whose statue, it appears, was put there with Pan's, see above, Ep. 61; B. iii. Ep. 29.

LXX. TO HIS BOOK.

Go, my book, and pay my respects for me: you are ordered to go, dutiful volume, to the splendid halls of Proculus. Do you ask the way? I will tell you. You will go along by the temple of Castor, near that of ancient Vesta, and that goddess's virgin home. Thence you will pass to the majestic Palatine edifice on the sacred hill, where glitters many a statue of the supreme ruler of the empire. And let not the ray-adorned mass of the Colossus detain you, a work which is proud of surpassing that of Rhodes. But turn aside by the way where the temple of the wine-bibbing Bacchus rises, and where the couch of Cybele stands adorned with. pictures of the Corybantes. Immediately on the left is the dwelling with its splendid facade, and the halls of the lofty mansion which you are to approach. Enter it; and fear not its haughty looks or proud gate; no entrance affords more ready access; nor is there any house more inviting for Phoebus and the learned sisters to love. If Proculus shall say, "But why does he not come himself?" you may excuse me thus, "Because he could not have written what is to be read here, whatever be its merit, if he had come to pay his respects in person."

LXXI. TO SLEEP.

Let Laevia be toasted with six cups,. Justine with seven, Lycas with five, Lyde with four, Ida with three. Let the number of letters in the name of each of our mistresses be equalled by the number of cups of Falernian. But, since none of them comes, come you, Sleep, to me.

LXXII. TO FIDENTINUS, A PLAGIARIST.

Do you imagine, Fidentinus, that you are a poet by the aid of my verses, and do you wish to be thought so? Just so does Aegle think she has teeth from having purchased bone or ivory. Just so does Lycoris, who is blacker than the falling mulberry, seem fair in her own eyes, because she is painted. You too, in the same way that you are a poet, will have flowing locks when you are grown bald.

LXXIII. TO CAECILIANUS.

These was no one in the whole city, Caecilianus, who desired to meddle with your wife, even gratis, while permission was given; but now, since you have set a watch upon her, the crowd of gallants is innumerable. You are a clever fellow!

LXXIV. TO PAULA.

He was your gallant, Paula; you could however deny it He is become your husband; can you deny it now, Paula? 1

1 He was said to be your gallant when your first husband was alive. You then denied it. You married him as soon as your husband died. Will you deny it now?

LXXV. ON LINUS.

He who prefers to give Linus the half of what he wishes to borrow, rather than to lend him the whole, prefers to lose only the half.

LXXVI. TO VALERIUS FLACCUS.1

Flaccus, valued object of my solicitude, hope and nursling of the city of Antenor,2 put aside Pierian strains and the lyre of the Sisters; none of those damsels will give you money. What do you expect from Phoebus? The cheat of Minerva contains the cash; she alone is wise, she alone lends to all the gods. What can the ivy of Bacchus give? The dark tree of Pallas bends down its variegated boughs under the load of fruit. Helicon, besides its waters and the garlands and lyres of the goddesses, and the great but empty applause of the multitude, has nothing. What have you to do with Cirrha? What with bare Permessis? The Roman forum is nearer and more lucrative. There is heard the chink of money; but around our desks and barren chairs kisses 3 alone resound.

Though midst the noblest poets you have place, Flaccus, the offering of Antenor's race; Renounce the Muses' songs and charming quire, For none of them enrich, though they inspire. Court not Apollo, Pallas has the gold; She 's wise, and does the gods in mortgage hold. What profit is there in an ivy wreath? Its fruits the loaden olive sinks beneath. In Helicon there's nought but springs and bays, The Muses' harps loud sounding empty praise.

1 The author of the Argonautica. 2 The city of Patavium, founded by Antenor 3 As tokens of applause.

LXXVII. ON CHARINUS.

Charinus is perfectly well, and yet he is pale; Charinus drinks sparingly, and yet he is pale; Charinus digests well, and yet he is pale; Charinus suns himself and yet he is pale; Charinus dyes his skin, and yet he is pale; Charinus indulges in [infamous debauchery], and yet he is pale.1

1 That is, he does not blush at his infamy.

LXXVIII. ON FESTUS, WHO STABBED HIMSELF.

When a devouring malady attacked his unoffending throat, and its black poison extended its ravages over his face, Festus, consoling his weeping friends, while his own eyes were dry, determined to seek the Stygian lake. He did not however pollute his pious mouth with secret poison, or aggravate his sad fate by lingering famine, but ended his pure life by a death befitting a Roman, and freed his spirit in a nobler way. This death fame may place above that of the great Cato; for Domitian was Festus' friend.2

2 Cato said that he died to avoid looking on the face of the tyrant Caesar.

LXXIX. TO ATTALUS, A BUSY-BODY.

Attalus, you are ever acting the barrister, or acting the man of business: whether there is or is not a part for you to act, Attalus, you are always acting a part. If lawsuits and business are not to be found, Attalus, you act the mule-driver. Attalus, lest a part should be wanting for you to act, act the part of executioner on yourself..

You act the pleader, and you act the man Of business; acting is your constant plan: So prone to act, the coachman's part is tried; Lest all parts fail you, act the suicide.       L. H. S.

LXXX. TO CANUS.

On the last night of your lift, Canus, a sportula was the object of your wishes. I suppose the cause of your death was, Canus, that there was only one.1

1 He had hoped for several largesses; he died of mortification at receiving only one.

LXXXI. TO SOSIBIANUS.

You know that you are the son of a slave, and you ingenuously confess it, when you call your father, Sosibianus, "master".2

2 The mother of Sosibianus had been guilty of adultery with a slave. When Sosibianus calls his reputed father Dominus, as a title of respect, but which was also a term for a master of slaves, he confessed himself a verna, or born-slave.

LXXXII. ON REGULUS.

See from what mischief this portico, which, overthrown amid clouds of dust, stretches its long ruins over the ground, lies absolved. For Regulus had but just been carried in his litter under its arch, and had got out of the way, when forthwith, borne down by its own weight, it fell; and, being no longer in fear for its master, it came down free from blood-guiltiness, a harmless ruin, without any attendant anxiety. After the fear of so great a cause for complaint is passed, who would deny, Regulus, that you, for whose sake the fall was harmless, are an object of care to the gods?

LXXXIII. ON MANNEIA.

Your lap-dog, Manneia, licks your mouth and lips: I do not wonder at a dog liking to eat ordure.1

1 A sarcasm on the foulness of Manneia's breath.

LXXXIV. ON QUIRINALIS.

Quirinalis, though he wishes to have children, has no intention of taking a wife, and has found out in what way he can accomplish his object. He takes to him his maid-servants, and fills his house and his lands with slave-knights.2 Quirinalis is a true pater-familias.

2 Equitibus vernis. (See Heinrich on Juv. ix. 10.)  Eques verna, the offspring of a knight and a slave.

LXXXV. ON AN AUCTIONEER.

A wag of an auctioneer, offering for sale some cultivated heights, and some beautiful acres of land near the city, says, "If any one imagines that Marius is compelled to sell, he is mistaken; Marius owes nothing: on the contrary, he rather has money to put out at interest." "What is his reason, then, for selling?" "In this place he lost all his slaves, and his cattle, and his profits; hence he does not like the locality." Who would have made any offer, unless he had wished to lose all his property? So the ill-fated land remains with Marius.

LXXXVI. ON NOVIUS.

Novius is my neighbour, and may be reached by the hand from my windows. Who would not envy me, and think me a happy man every hour of the day when I may enjoy the society of one so near to me? But, he is as far removed from me as Terentianus, who is now governor of Syene on the Nile. I am not privileged either to live with him, or even see him, or hear him; nor in the whole city is there any one at once so near and so far from me. I must remove farther off, or he must. If any one wishes not to see Novius, let him become his neighbour or his fellow-lodger.

My neighbour Hunks's house and mine Are built so near they almost join; The windows too project so much, That through the casements we may touch. Nay, I'm so happy, most men think, To live so near a man of chink, That they are apt to envy me, For keeping such good company: But he's far from me, I vow, As London is from good Lord Howe; For when old Hunks I chance to meet, Or one or both must quit the street. Thus he who would not see old Roger, Must be his neighbour----or his lodger.    Swift

LXXXVII. TO FESCENNIA.

That you may not be disagreeably fragrant with your yesterday's wine, you devour, luxurious Fescennia, certain of Cosmus's1 perfumes. Breakfasts of such a nature leave their mark on the teeth, but form no barrier against the emanations which escape from the depths of the stomach. Nay, the fetid smell is but the worse when mixed with perfume, and the double odour of the breath is carried but the farther. Cease then to use frauds but too well known, and disguises well understood; and simply intoxicate yourself!

1 Cosmus: a celebrated perfumer of the day, and frequently mentioned.

LXXXVIII. ON ALCIMUS.

Alcimus, whom, snatched from your lord in your opening years, the Labican earth covers with light turf, receive, not a nodding mass of Parian marble,----an unenduring monument which misapplied toil gives to the dead,----but shapely box-trees and the dark shades of the palm leaf, and dewy flowers of the mead which bloom from being watered with my tears. Receive, dear youth, the memorials of my grief: this tribute will live for you in all time. When Lachesis shall have spun to the end of my last hour, I shall ask no other honours for my ashes.

LXXXIX. TO CINNA.

You always whisper into every one's ear, Cinna; you whisper even what might be said in the hearing of the whole world. You laugh, you complain, you dispute, you weep, you sing, you criticise, you are silent, you are noisy; and all in one's ear. Has this disease so thoroughly taken possession of you, that you often praise Caesar, Cinna, in the ear? 1

1 When his praise ought to be proclaimed aloud everywhere.

XC. ON BASSA.

Inasmuch as I never saw you, Bassa, surrounded by a crowd of admirers, and report in no case assigned to you a favoured lover; but every duty about your person was constantly performed by a crowd of your own sex, without the presence of even one man; you seemed to me, I confess it, to be a Lucretia.

XCI. TO LAELIUS.

You do not publish your own verses, Laelius; you criticise mine. Pray cease to criticise mine, or else publish your own.

You blame my verses and conceal your own: Either publish yours, or else let mine alone!                                                   Anon. 1695.

XCII. TO MAMURIANUS.

Cestus with tears in his eyes often complains to me, Hamurianus, of being touched with your finger. You need not use your finger merely; take Cestos all to yourself if nothing else is wanting in your establishment, Mamurianus.2 But if you have neither fire, nor legs for your bare bedstead, nor broken basin of Chione or Antiope;3 if a cloak greasy and worn hangs down your back, and a Gallic jacket covers only half of your loins; and if you feed on the smell alone of the dark kitchen, and drink on your knees dirty water with the dog;

Non culum, neque enim est cuius, qui non cacat olim, Sed fodiam digito qui super est oculum.4 Nec me zelotypum nec dixeris esse malignum: Denique paedica, Mamuriane, satur.

2 Mamurianus is ridiculed for his sordid and licentious life. He had but one eye, as appears from what is said below. Cestus was Martial's servant. 3 Names of courtesans, from whom Martial intimates that Mamurianus would accept broken vessels. 4 A play on the words culus and oculus. A common threat was, "Oculos tibieffodiam," often used in Plautus.

XCIII. ON AQUINUS AND FABRICIUS.

Here reposes Aquinas, reunited to his faithful Fabricius, who rejoices in having preceded him to the Elysian retreats. This double altar bears record that each was honoured with the rank of chief centurion; but that praise is of still greater worth which you read in this shorter inscription: Both were united in the sacred bond of a well-spent life, and, what is rarely known to fame, were friends.

XCIV. TO AEGLE THE FELLATRIX.

[Not translated in the Bohn - adapted from the Loeb]

Badly you sang while you fornicated, Aegle.  Now you sing well; but I won't kiss you.

XCV. TO AELIUS.

In constantly making a clamour, and obstructing the pleaders with your noise, Aelius, you act not without an object; you look for pay to hold your tongue.

That bawlers you out-bawl, the busy crush, No idler you, who bring to sale your hush.                                        Elphinston.

XCVI. TO HIS VERSE, ON A LICENTIOUS CHARACTER.

If it is not disagreeable, and does not annoy you, my verse, say, I pray, a word or two in the ear of our friend Maternus, so that he alone may hear. That admirer of sad-coloured coats, clad in the costume of the banks of the river Baetis, and in grey garments, who deems the wearers of scarlet not men, and calls amethyst-coloured robes the dress of women, however much he may praise natural hues, and be always seen in dark colours, has at the same time morals of an extremely flagrant hue. You will ask whence I suspect him of effeminacy. We go to the same baths; Do you ask me who this is? His name has escaped me.

XCVII. TO NAEVOLUS.

When every one is talking, then and then only, Naevolus, do you open your month; and you think yourself an advocate and a pleader. In such a way every one may be eloquent. But see, everybody is silent; say something now, Naevolus.

XCVIII. TO FLACCUS, ON DIODORUS.

Diodorus goes to law, Flaccus, and has the gout in his feet But he pays his counsel nothing; surely he has the gout also in his hands.

XCIX. TO CALENUS.

But a short time since, Calenus, you had not quite two millions of sesterces; but you were so prodigal and open-handed, and hospitable, that all your friends wished you ten millions. Heaven heard the wish and our prayers; and within, I think, six months, four deaths gave you the desired fortune. But you, as if ten millions had not been left to you, but taken from you, condemned yourself to such abstinence, wretched man, that you prepare even your most sumptuous feasts, which you provide only once in the whole year, at the cost of but a few dirty pieces of black coin; and we, seven of your old companions, stand you in just half a pound of leaden money. What blessing are we to invoke upon you worthy of such merits? We wish you, Calenus, a fortune of a hundred millions. If this falls to your lot, you will die of hunger.

C. ON AFRA.

Afra talks of her papas and her mammas; but she herself may be called the grandmamma of her papas and mammas.

CI. ON THE DEATH OF HIS AMANUENSIS DEMETRIUS.

Demetrius, whose hand was once the faithful confidant of my verses, so useful to his master, and so well known to the Caesars, has yielded up his brief life in its early prime. A fourth harvest had been added to his years, which previously numbered fifteen. That he might not, however, descend to the Stygian shades as a slave, I, when the accursed disease had seized and was withering him, took precaution, and remitted to the sick youth all my right over him as his master; he was worthy of restoration to health through my gift.1 He appreciated, with failing faculties, the kindness which he had received; and on the point of departing, a free man, to the Tartarean waters, saluted me as his patron.

1 I.e. I wish my gift could have restored him to health.

CII. TO LYCORIS.

The painter who drew your Venus, Lycoris, paid court, I suppose, to Minerva.2

2 Represented Venus less beautiful than she is, in order to please Minerva, her rival for the golden apple.

CIII. TO SCAEVOLA.

"If the gods were to give me a fortune of a million sesterces," you used to say, Scaevola, before you were a full knight,1 "oh how would I live! how magnificently, how happily!" The complaisant deities smiled and granted your wish. Since that time your toga has become much more dirty, your cloak worse; your shoe has been sewn up three and four times; of ten olives the greater portion is always put by, and one spread of the table serves for two meals; the thick dregs of pink Vejentan wine are your drink; a plate of lukewarm peas costs you a penny; your mistress a penny likewise. Cheat and liar, let us go before the tribunal of the gods; and either live, Scaevola, as befits you, or restore to the gods your million sesterces.

1 That is, before you had four hundred thousand sesterces; which was the fortune that a man must have before he could be a knight

CIV. ON A SPECTACLE IN THE ARENA.

When we see the leopard bear upon his spotted neck a light and easy yoke, and the furious tigers endure with patience the blows of the whip; the stags champ the golden curbs; the Libyan bears tamed by the bit; a boar, huge as that which Calydon is said to have produced, obey the purple muzzle; the ugly buffaloes drag chariots, and the elephant, when ordered to dance nimbly, pay prompt obedience to his swarthy leader; who would not imagine such things a spectacle given by the gods? These, however, any one disregards as of inferior attraction who sees the condescension of the lions, which the swift-footed timorous hares fatigue in the chase. They let go the little animals, catch them again, and caress them when caught, and the latter are safer in their captors' mouths than elsewhere; since the lions delight in granting them free passage through their open jaws, and in holding their teeth as with fear, for they are ashamed to crush the tender prey, after having just come from slaying bulls; This clemency does not proceed from art; the lions know whom they serve.

CV. TO QUINTUS OVIDIUS.

The wine, Ovidius, which is grown in the Nomentan fields, in proportion as it receives the addition of years, puts off, through age, its character and name; and the jar thus ancient receives whatever name you please.1

1 Being mellowed by age, it maybe called Falernian, Cecuban, or any other name given to the best wines.

CVI. TO RUFUS.

Rufus, you often pour water into your wine, and, if hard pressed by your companion, you drink just a cup now and then of diluted Falernian. Pray, is it that Naevia has promised you a night of bliss; and you prefer by sobriety to enhance your enjoyment? You sigh, you are silent, you groan: she has refused you. You may drink, then, and often, cups of four-fold size, and drown in wine your concern at her cruelty. Why do you spare yourself, Rufus? You have nothing before you but to sleep.

CVII. TO LUCIUS JULIUS.

You often say to me, dearest Lucius Julius, "Write something great: you take your ease too much." Give me then leisure,----but leisure such as that which of old Maecenas gave to his Horace and his Virgil -- and I would endeavour to write something which should live through time, and to snatch my name from the flames of the funeral pyre. Steers are unwilling to carry their yoke into barren fields. A fat soil fatigues, but the very labour bestowed on it is delightful.

CVIII. TO GALLUS.

You possess----and may it be yours and grow larger through a long series of years----a house, beautiful I admit, but on the other side of the Tiber. But my garret looks upon the laurels of Agrippa; and in this quarter I am already grown old. I must move, in order to pay you a morning call, Gallus, and you deserve this consideration, even if your house were still farther off. But it is a small matter to you, Gallus, if I add one to the number of your toga-clad visitors; while it is a great matter to me, if I withhold that one. I myself will frequently pay my respects to you at the tenth hour.1 This morning my book shall wish you "good day" in my stead.

1 The tenth hour from sunrise, corresponding to our four o'clock is the afternoon. SeeB. iv. Ep. 8.

CIX. ON A PET DOG AND THE PAINTER.

Issa is more playful than the sparrow of Catullus. Issa is more pure than the kiss of a dove. Issa is more loving than any maiden. Issa is dearer than Indian gems. The little dog Issa is the pet of Publius. If she complains, you will think she speaks. She feels both the sorrow and the gladness of her master. She lies reclined upon his neck, and sleeps, so that not a respiration is heard from her. And, however pressed, she has never sullied the coverlet with a single spot; but rouses her master with a gentle touch of her foot, and begs to be set down from the bed and relieved. Such modesty resides in this chaste little animal; she knows not the pleasures of love; nor do we find a mate worthy of so tender a damsel. That her last hour may not carry her off wholly, Publius has her limned in a picture, in which you will see an Issa so like, that not even herself is so like herself. In a word, place Issa and the picture side by side, and you will imagine either both real, or both painted.

CX. TO VELOX.

You complain, Velox, that the epigrams which I write are long. You yourself write nothing; your attempts are shorter.1

1 Imperfect; abortive; ending in nothing.

CXI. TO REGULUS, ON SENDING HIM A BOOK AND A PRESENT OF FRANKINCENSE.

Since your reputation for wisdom, and the care which you bestow on your labours, are equal, and since your piety is not inferior to your genius, he who is surprised that a book and incense are presented to you, Regulus, is ignorant how to adapt presents to deserts.

CXII. ON PRISCUS, A USURER.

When I did not know you, I used to address you as my lord and king. Now, since I know you well, you shall be plain Priscus with me.

CXIII. TO THE READER.

If, reader, you wish to employ some good hours badly, and are an enemy to your own leisure, you will obtain whatever sportive verses I produced in my youth and boyhood, and all my trifles, which even I myself have forgotten, from Quintus Pollius Valerianus, who has resolved not to let my light effusions perish.

CXIV. TO FAUSTINUS.

These gardens adjoining your domain, Faustinus, and these small fields and moist meadows, Telesphorus Faenius owns. Here he has deposited the ashes of his daughter, and has consecrated the name, which you read, of Antulla;----though his own name should rather have been read there. It had been more just that the father should have gone to the Stygian shades; but, since this was not permitted, may he live to honour his daughter's remains.

CXV. TO PROCILLUS.

A certain damsel, envious Procillus, is desperately in love with me,----a nymph more white than the spotless swan, than silver, than snow, than lily, than privet: already you will be thinking of hanging yourself, But I long for one darker than night, than the ant, than pitch, than the jack-daw, than the cricket. If I know you well, Procillus, you will spare your life.

CXVI. ON THE TOMB OF ANTULLA.

This grove, and these fair acres of cultivated land, Faenius has consecrated to the eternal honour of the dead. In this tomb is deposited Antulla, too soon snatched from her family: in this tomb each of her parents will be united to her. If any one desires this piece of ground, I warn him not to hope for it; it is for ever devoted to its owners.

CXVII. TO LUPERCUS.

Whenever you meet me, Lupercus, you constantly say, "Shall I send my servant, for you to give him your little book of Epigrams, which I will read and return to you directly?" There is no reason, Lupercus, to trouble your servant. It is a lone journey, if he wishes to come to the Pirus;1 and I live up three pairs of stairs, and those high ones. What you want you may procure nearer at hand. You frequently go down to the Argiletum: opposite Caesar's forum is a shop, with pillars on each side covered over with titles of books, so that you may quickly run over the names of all the poets. Procure me there; you will no sooner ask Atrectus,----such is the name of the owner of the shop,----than he will give you, from the first or second shelf a Martial, well smoothed with pumice-stone, and adorned with purple, for five denarii "You are not worth so much," do you say? You are right, Lupercus.

1 The pear-tree. The name of some spot near which Martial lived.

CXVIII. TO CAEDICIANUS.

For him who is not satisfied with reading a hundred epigrams, no amount of trouble is sufficient, Caedicianus.

This text was transcribed by Roger Pearse, Ipswich, UK, 2008. This file and all material on this page is in the public domain - copy freely.

Greek text is rendered using unicode.

Early Church Fathers - Additional Texts

[v4nderlyle]

My Personal Star Trek Selection Box

Whoop OK so this is going to be extremely indulgent and no one but me will care but I’ve spent a lot of time over the last year or so watching Star Trek and I wanted to compile a selection of episodes that I especially like. I haven’t seen Voyager yet so there’s none of that on here. I’ve only seen a few episodes of Lower Decks  so can’t comment yet and I watched Enterprise years ago so there’s only one ep of that that I sort of remember on here. Other than that, I’ve categorised everything into the following: 

1. Good Solid Episode - what it says on the tin

2. Absolute Banter - Star Trek comedy is my favourite thing 

3. Makes Me Warm Inside - these are very special episodes that have a very particular effect on me 

4. Critic’s Choice - the actual good episodes. The ones you’ll find on a Vulture article titled ‘50 best Star Trek episodes’ or something 

5. Guilty Pleasure - absolute trash and I love it 

I’ve put an asterisk by episodes that are my favourite favourites. So, without further ado, here is my Star Trek selection box:

Good Solid Episode

TOS: Space Seed

TOS: Amok Time (should have created the category ‘this is gay and therefore a favourite’)

TOS: The Changeling

TOS: Is There in Truth No Beauty?*

TNG: The Ensigns of Command

TNG: The Most Toys

TNG: The Mind’s Eye 

TNG: Disaster

TNG: Time’s Arrow, Parts I&II (just skip any scene where Clemens talks for more than 2 lines) 

TNG: Starship Mine

TNG: Phantasms*

DS9: The Wire (another gay one...) 

DS9: Equilibrium 

DS9: Civil Defense 

DS9: Distant Voices 

DS9: Starship Down 

DS9: Hard Time

DS9: ...Nor the Battle to the Strong

DS9: Doctor Bashir, I Presume?*

DS9: Inquisition 

ENT: Impulse 

DIS: Magic to Make the Sanest Man Go Mad 

PIC: Remembrance 

Star Trek Beyond 

Absolute Banter

TOS: The Trouble With Tribbles 

TOS: A Piece of the Action 

Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home*

TNG: Manhunt 

TNG: Qpid

TNG: In Theory (could also go in category 1)

TNG: A Fistful of Datas 

DS9: Trials and Tribble-ations

DS9: You Are Cordially Invited 

DS9: The Magnificent Ferengi

DS9: Take Me Out to the Holosuite* 

Makes Me Warm Inside

TOS: The Devil in the Dark*

TOS: The Empath

Star Trek III: The Search for Spock

TNG: Data’s Day

TNG: Birthright, Part I* 

DS9: Explorers*

DS9: Rejoined

DS9: Our Man Bashir* 

DS9: Bar Association* (this could have gone in 1 or 2 as well) 

DS9: Extreme Measures 

DIS: An Obol for Charon 

PIC: Nepenthe 

PIC: Et in Arcadia Ego, Part II (just for that bit with Data) 

Short Treks: Q&A*

Critic’s Choice

TOS: The City on the Edge of Forever

TOS: The Doomsday Machine 

TOS: All Our Yesterdays 

Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan 

TNG: Q Who

TNG: The Best of Both Worlds, Parts I&II

TNG: All Good Things... 

Star Trek: First Contact 

DS9: The Visitor

DS9: Far Beyond the Stars

DS9: The Siege of AR-558

Guilty Pleasure

TOS: The Apple

TOS: Plato’s Stepchildren

TNG: Force of Nature (specifically the first half. I stop watching when the ‘plot’ starts)

TNG: Sub Rosa 

TNG: Masks

Star Trek: Generations

DS9: Fascination

Phew, so there it is! I’m excited to add to this once I’ve watched Voyager, the rest of Lower Decks and S3 of Discovery, and maybe rewatched Enterprise. Anyway I love Star Trek. 

[omniversalobservations]

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (October 2017)

Count Vlad Dracula, or simply Dracula for short, is a vampire character loosely based on the historical Wallachian prince Vlad III ?epe? (1431-1477). Here he is both an ally and a rival of Savanti Romero, who wants to use him and other well-known horror monsters - Frankenstein's Monster, The Pharaoh's mummy and the werewolf Vulko - to conquer the Earth and turn the entire human race into monsters.

Dracula first appears in "The Curse of Savanti Romero". He was seen lurking around in New York watching April O'Neil and Casey Jones while they were trick or treating. Dracula's werewolves bit the citizens of New York who later bit Casey and April.

Due to the Turtles time traveling with Renet to stop Savanti Romero, Dracula did not arrive to New York yet and was hunted down by Savanti and the Turtles who joins Savanti after being threatened to be sent back to the Netherworld. The vampire kidnaps Esmerelda's father and turns him back to a werewolf. Later on, Dracula, Savanti and their monster army attempt to recruit Frankenstein by helping Victor Frankenstein to create him. The Ninja Turtles minus Raphael arrive to seek help from Victor however Dracula mind controls the doctor and Frankenstein to attack the Turtles. Dracula later escapes to another time period with Frankenstein.

After a while, Dracula continues his siege on New York and finally corners the Turtles, however Michelangelo manages to talk to Frankenstein into attacking April, Casey and Dracula before being defeated. Frankenstein grabs the Time Scepter but accidentally breaks it, the Turtles, monsters and Dracula begin time traveling to several time periods. Dracula leaps to bite Frankenstein but is stabbed by Michelangelo using Donatello's bo staff. The vampire begins burning and dies as the monster army is eradicated with New York being freed at last.

Source: Turtlepedia

(images via YouTube)

[kellerdrei]

Art`n Beats - die lange Nacht der Impro-Kompositionen mit Live-Painting-Session im Keller Drei:

Samstag, 07.09.2019 Einlass: 19h, Programm-Beginn: 20.30h Eintritt: 6-12,- (je nach Ermessen /kein Vorverkauf: nur Abendkasse) Ort: Keller Drei, Weidendamm 28, 30167 Hannover

Bereits im Mai hat es im Keller Drei eine lange Nacht der Musik-Improvisationen gegeben: damals im Kerzenschein pünktlich zum Vollmond, konnten Gäste in dem 260 Quadratmeter großen Ausstellungsraum ein sechsstündiges Programm voller Live-Musik liegend, sitzend, stehend und tanzend genießen. Dazu gab es eine mitternächtliche Live-Malsession und reichlich Kunst an den Wänden. Dem Publikum gefiel es so sehr, dass nach mehr gefragt wurde. Wir freuen uns sehr, dies erfüllen und Dir wieder eine derart Musik- und Kunst-gefüllte Nacht im Stile eines Mini-Festivals bieten zu können: Art`n Beats schließt an dieses Event an und bringt Künstler*innen des Keller III und des Nima Compositions Archives zu einem visuellen und vor allem klanglichen Happening zusammen voller Grooves, Sphären, Melodien, Installationen, Rorschachs, Beats, Collagen, Harmonien, Kalligrafien, Vibes, Raps und Sprays. Mit dieser Veranstaltung möchten wir eine künstlerische Gemeinschaft bilden, eine Plattform etablieren, in der sich unsere Künstler*innen & Freund*innen zeigen. Auch diesmal wird es um Mitternacht zur Live Musik wieder eine - diesmal noch umfangreichere - Live-Painting-Session geben, die auch wieder den Auftakt ins elektronische Ausklingen der langen Nacht einleiten wird. Genieße das volle Programm oder suche Dir einzelne Darbietungen heraus, ganz wie es Dir beliebt. Wir laden Dich ein zum Tanzen und Jammen, zum Entspannen und Lauschen, zum Reden und Genießen und zum Dahintreiben. PROGRAMM: 19 h Open Doors Welcome Tunes: 20:30 h  B.Art ft. JahAkroma [ vocals + afrobeats + raggae ] 21:00 h Shusty Bones [ electronic & brass ] Nima Compositions Archive 21:30 h young.vishnu [ hip hop, mellow  beats ] 22:00 h Cars10 [ rap ] 22:30 h Sneaky D [ downtempo, dubby beats ] 23:15 h Masha K. [ minimal, jazzy beats + vibes + saxes ] Session + Live-Painting 00:00 h Masha Kashyna [ malletKAT + vibes ] ft. Enrico Mercaldi [ overdub + effects]  ft. Jonas Rahm [ drum mashines ] 00:00 h Midnight Painting zur Live Musik: J. Sophia Sanner, ZVGVLVKSY, Alexander Mick, Kartel ab 1h Vinyl After Hour Über die AkteurInnen: MUSIK: B.Art  [ vocals + beats ] Der 28 Jährige Hobbymusiker/Schauspieler/Model mit ghanaischen Background, sieht seine Werke nur wiederwillig als Kunst an. Er behauptet dass jeder Mensch dazu berufen sei, sich künstlerisch zu äußern, da - nicht die Kunst - jedoch die künstlerische Auseinandersetzung, den innersten Kern des Menschen widerspiegelt, diesen sichtbar macht und Anerkennung und Wachstum bringt. Das Werk als solches erinnert an einen Moment, eine Ära oder einfach nur an ein Paket von Gefühlen und erhält dadurch seinen Wert. Er wird  - unterstützt von JahAkroma - einige selbstgeschriebene Songs darbieten. https://www.facebook.com/AllesKunst.AllesDenkanstoesse.AllesMeinsundDeins/ JahAkroma [ vocals + beats] Des öfteren schon zog die 30 jährige Soul/Dancehall/Reggae Künstlerin und Singer-/Songwriterin, das Publikum mit ihren Selbstkomponierten- und teilweise auch in Kollaboration entstandenen spirituellen Melodien, in ihren Bann. Ihr Werke spiegeln gefochtene innere Schlachten wieder. Sieg und Niederlage verhalfen hierbei gleichermaßen zu Seelischen Wachstum, dessen Ausstrahlung sie an ihre Zuhörerschaft versucht zu vermitteln. Shusty Bones [ electronic & brass ] Sebastian Schulte aka Shusty Bones kreiert einen elektronischen Sound mit progressiven und gleichzeitig träumerischen Hornlines. Tanzbar, Basslastig, gechilled! Die Posaune spielt eine Zentrale Rolle und wird live zum Mix performt. young.vishnu [ beatmaker / produzent ] young.vishnu eröffnet mit seiner Musik einen Cosmos zwischen Sound-Fetischismus & Groove-Exploration, in welchem er Klänge und Rhythmen studiert, um sie zu spielen, zu recorden und zu loopen. Musik zwischen Samples und selbstgespieltem, zwischen Drumset und Drumcomputern, zwischen dubbigem Bass und Synthesizern, Zwischen Tasten und Saiten. Practice — Tag ein. Tag aus. https://soundcloud.com/youngvishnu Cars10 [rap] Texte zwischen Sonne und Mond, Finsternis und Licht, Formen, Farben, Silhouetten und Abbildungen einer Welt die nah und fremd gleichzeitig ist. Texte die versuchen den Raum zwischen Kick, Snare, Bass und Harmonien zu füllen und zu ergründen wohin uns unsere Fantasie, Bilder und Formen führen können. https://soundcloud.com/dercars10 Sneaky D [ beats ] Ob Samples vom Teller, Aufnahmen aus der Natur, Instrumentalaufnahmen oder altbackene Synths - aus jedem Sound lässt sich Musik machen. In einem Dreiklang aus Bass, Rhythmus und Bewegung werden so knackige Kicks, trockene Bässe und groovige Percussions geschraubt und in Beats verbaut, die sich zwischen Trap, Hip Hop, Dub und Downtempo bewegen. Nach dem Prinzip sich richtend, dass in der Wiederholung erst das Neue entsteht, nimmt Sneaky Dich mit auf eine Expedition durch verschiedene Stile und Zeiten, Räume und Atmosphären, immer mit dem Loop als Begleiter an Deiner Seite. Eingestiegen wird meist bei 40 Hertz und wohin die Reise geht, ergibt sich über Breakes und Brücken hin zu experimentellen Gabelungen und bassigen Gassen. https://soundcloud.com/sneaky_d Masha Kashyna [ beats + vibes + saxes ] Die aus der Ukraine stammende Musikerin Masha Kashyna vereint feine metallische Schwingungen und organische Holzklänge mit elektronischen Beats und untermalenden Visuals zu raumgreifenden Gesamtkunstwerken, die das Publikum aus ihrem Alltag reißen und in eine eigene Welt eintauchen lassen. Dabei sind Einflüsse aus Jazz, Latin, Minimal, Experimental und Ambient zu erkennen, die dafür sorgen, dass bei aller Einzigartigkeit immer auch etwas Vertrautes mitschwingt. Ihre Kompositionen und Improvisationen erinnern an Soundtracks von Filmen, die wir gerne einmal sehen würden, an beruhigende Tagträume und aufregende Reisen, melancholische Erinnerungen an längst vergangene Zeiten... https://www.mashakashyna.com/ Tschüsch Kamerun [ drum mashines, radios, rap attitude ] Nur Gutes - eine nicht mehr fassbare Collage aus Low Fi, Punk, Experimental, Minimal, Noise, Radio Maschinchen mit Autotune. Der Keller-Prakti feiert sein Inoffizielles Debut. Unbekannt ist er geworden von der Formation FORMFLEISCH, die noch nie was öffentlich von sich gegeben haben. Nima Compositions Archive Was uns verbindet ist unsere gemeinsame Nima. Eine Lebenseinstellung. Eine Philosophy. Unser Verhalten. Unser Anspruch. Unser Schaffensdrang, Ein kreativer Fluss.Nima Compositions Archive ist ein Raumschiff, eine Gemeinschaft, ein Zusammenschluss unterschiedlicher Musiker, Künstler und Freunde, der jedem Individuum eine Plattform bietet den eigenen Output zu sammeln, zu ergänzen und zu releasen. Dieser kann sowohl visueller, auditiver als auch haptischer Natur sein. Nima bietet Raum für Collaboration, Exploration, Research und Communication.Alben, Singles, EPs, Jams, Sessions, Collagen, Bilder, Photo, Video, Installation, Konzerte, Ausstellungen. Nima lässt sich weder limitieren noch zensieren. Nima hat kein Anfang und Ende. Nima definiert sich selbst. KUNST: Die Veranstaltung findet im Rahmen der Ausstellung "The Keller" statt und zeigt Kunst von J. Sophia Sanner und ZVGVLVKSY. Bei Art`n Beats bilden ihre Werke den Rahmen. Um Mitternacht werden sie gemeinsam mit Alexander Mick und Kartel live zur Musik malen und weitere Werke zeigen. J. Sophia Sanner Über die Jahre immer abstrakter geworden, liegt der Schwerpunkt bei J. Sophia Sanner mittlerweile auf den sogenannten Klecksografien, besser bekannt als Falt- oder Rorschachbilder. In ihren Werken kreiert sie u.a. mit Acryl Schicht für Schicht symmetrische Kompositionen, welche verschiedene Geschichten zur gleichen Zeit erzählen, zahllose Interpretationen zulassen und je nach Entfernung des Betrachtens neue Bilder entstehen lassen. Der bewusst erzeugte Deutungsspielraum öffnet den Zugang zur inneren Bildwelt der Betrachter und hält ihnen auf diese Weise unaufdringlich einen wohlwollenden Spiegel vor, der verdeutlicht, dass wir sehen, was wir sind, was wir kennen, lieben oder fürchten. https://www.facebook.com/jsophiasanner/ Zagalaksy Er ist Meister des schnellen Bildes, arbeitet intuitiv, impressionistisch und ungezwungen. Seine Werke sind großzügig wie er selbst, wild, frei und ehrlich. Ein besonderes Erkennungsmerkmal bilden seine kalligraphischen Elemente, welche häufig nur formal an Schrift erinnern, und sich wie ein erzählender Film über dynamische Formen und fließende Strukturen legen. In seinen Performances und Livemal-Sessions kreiert er Wandbilder und großformatige Szenerien in k��rzester Zeit und verbreitet dabei eine beeindruckende Leichtigkeit und Lebendigkeit. https://www.facebook.com/ZVGVLVKSY/ Alexander Mick Autobiografische Elemente werden mit Geschichtlichem verknüpft. Der Blick auf das Gegenwärtige wird in einen neuen Kosmos adaptiert, in welchem sich allerlei Charaktere bewegen. Suchende und Verlorene, neben Fremden und Befremdlichem. Alexander Mick arbeitet vorwiegend mit Medien der klassischen Druckgrafik, während zunehmend auch digitale Ausdrucksformen seine Bildwelten bereichern.   https://www.instagram.com/alexander__mick/ Kartel Inspiriert von sowjetischer Ästhetik schafft Kartel Werke die sich stets zwischen Nostalgie und Moderne bewegen. Ein Kontrast zwischen grafischen sowie abstrakten Formen und einer konkreten Gegenständlichkeit. https://www.facebook.com/KartelArt/ ------------------------------------- Der Keller III wird gefördert aus Mitteln der Atelier- und Projektraumförderung der Stadt Hannover, der Stiftung Sparda-Bank Hannover und der Dr. Christiane Hackerodt Kunst- und Kulturstiftung, ist darüber hinaus aber auf weitere Spenden angewiesen, um den Betrieb zu gewährleisten. Paypal-Support: https://www.paypal.com/pools/c/8cfb7EpzBa

[f1ng3rs]

Here's both DJ sets combined that I played on New Year's Eve live at The Circuit Arcade Bar in Richmond, VA on 12/31/18.

Set list:

Final Fantasy VII Future Bass Remix - Nacwin – Victory Fanfare - 0:00 Pheonix Wright Ace Attorney - Objection - Dj CUTMAN Remix - 2:31

O.P. Feat. Richie Branson and Storyville - RNDM - Beat by Lost Perception - Mega Ran - 4:20

40oz Cult - Dack Janiels & AB The Thief- Six Five Oh - 5:38

Snatcher - Pleasure Of Tension (Mintorment Remix) - 7:13

Mintorment - Dark Dreams - 9:52

Super Mario Bros. 3 - Fortress Theme - Hip Hop Remix - GAGE - 12:39

Final Fantasy VII Remix - Cosmo Canyon (Grimecraft X Cutman Remix) - 13:33

Grimecraft - DKC - Aquatic Ambience - 16:50

Devon Thompson - In Prayer - 19:53

Legend of LoFi - Zelda Piano Hip Hop Remix - Dj CUTMAN & James Landino 22:35

NegroSaki - All That Remix - 24:50

Legend Of Zelda - Breath Of The Wild - Game Over (F1NG3RS Remix) 27:44

Devon Thompson - Polar Plume - 29:47

ohbliv - skeetersbeatcd - 32:08

Strike The Earth ft. Kevin Villecco (Shovel Knight Remix) - 33:39

Agees Bicycles (F1NG3RS Remix) - 34:24

Dreamland (Singularity & Mutrix Remix) - 37:47

Tekken 2 - Kazuya Theme (F1NG3RS Remix) - 39:51

bLiNd - Two Step (Final Fantasy VI - The Veldt Remix) - 41:52

Raisi K - In The Caves - 45:49

Musicalprof - Simplicity - 47:10

DJ Jazzy Jeff - Bang Bang - 48:45

Windows 9500 - Windows 95 Remix 2018 - madxruler - 51:32

Ta-Ku - Side To Side - 53:30

No Love - (Fenakkusu Remix) - 56:23

one for dibia$e - apache playboi - 58:23

Smash Bros LoFi Hip Hop Remix - Bknapp – Opening - All Star Mode - 1:00:10

FFXV - Somnus - Fenakkusu Remix - 1:01:10

Super Mario World Dubstep - Game Over – Akosmo Remix - 1:02:57

Shenmue - Loop 6 - Funk Fiction Remix - 1:06:44

Speed Machine - Mechanized Dystopia - 1:09:25

Master Jace Beats - Donkey Kong Country 2 - Corrosion - 1:12:51

Anamanaguchi - Prom Night (Lindsay Lowend Remix) - 1:15:15

Mintorment - Voices - 1:17:55

The Division - Ola Strandh - Precinct Siege (F1NG3RS Remix) - 1:19:40

Joe Hertz - Swimming - 1:21:25

J.E.N.O.V.A. (Mykah Trap Remix) ▸ Final Fantasy VII – Shinra EP - 1:24:14

Fortnite Dance Moves Emote Music (F1NG3RS Remix) - 1:24:46

Jnthn Stein - Berlin III 1:26:46

Spindash - Marble Zone - Absrdst - Marble Aesthetics - 1:29:11

MXXWLL - Palm Trees - 1:31:22

Moods - How I Feel (feat. Sam Wills) 1:33:22

Chillin' in Delta City (F1NG3RS Robocop C64 Remix) 1:35:14

F-Zero BIG BLUE (Drum & Bass   Happy Hardcore Remix) - Bass Fox 1:37:00

Maverick Soul - Invincible (Super Mario RMX) - 1:39:11

Mxxwll x Deutsch - Duke with You - 1:43:28

Musicalprof - Sharp Eyes Redux - 1:45:14

Daft Punk - Derezzed (Remixed by The Glitch Mob) - 1:46:07

Speed Machine - Alpha Sector - 1:48:48

Dragon Ball Super - Jiren Theme - F1NG3RS Remix - 1:51:22

Final Fantasy VII - Bombing Mission Remix – Azodi - 1:53:25

Jayglo - Kicks - 1:56:45

Earthbound - OK DESU KA - an0va Remix - 1:57:36

Streets of Rage 2 - Title Theme (F1NG3RS Remix) - 2:00:19

Three Chain Links - Missing You - 2:03:13

Toto - Africa (Diezeo Remix) - 2:05:46

Rick and Morty - Get Schwifty (Andromulus Remix) - 2:07:26

Policenauts - End of the Dark (F1NG3RS Remix) - 2:10:39

Fenakkusu - Porcelain Snowflakes - 2:13:12

GOOMBA BOUNCE - SIDE A - jtbs - 2:15:20

How Bou Dah F1NG3RS Remix (Fenakkusu Edit) - 2:15:59

Toads Turnpike (F1NG3RS Mario Kart Remix) - 2:18:25

F1NG3RS - Alley Fight - 2:19:40

F1NG3RS - Alley Fight (Phenax Remix) - 2:21:45

F1NG3RS - Boot Loop - 2:25:23

MXXWLL - Tekken Joint - Majestic Sessions @ Red Bull Studios Berlin - 2:29:50

Moods - Rain or Shine - 2:32:13

SEINWAVE 2000 - What's the deal with airline food - 2:33:28

Bootyfade Styrofoam Cup - 2:34:11

Viceroy - Jagged Edge - Where The Party At - 2:37:00

MXXWLL - 4u - 2:39:24

Toejam and Earl (J.Rabbit Remix) - 2:41:34

A_Rival - Guile's Theme Feat. FamilyJules7x (Headbangers Bonus Track) - 2:44:47

pixel8ter - Centipede - 2:47:26

Doni - Go Straight - 2:49:48

META - Fringe Disco - 2:51:23

Moods - A Beautiful Mind - 2:53:18

Flying Lotus - Parisian Goldfish 2:55:36

Cyberoptics - 2049 - 2:57:25

Mintorment - City of Clouds 2:59:57

QORA - Gerudo Valley Remix - 3:03:33

De La Soul - Me Myself and I [B.Dolla Remix] - 3:04:31

F1NG3RS - Endless Cruise - 3:08:22

Jacobxshinobi1 - f-u-n-k-t-a-s-t-i-c - 3:12:36

Kaytranada - At All - 3:14:44

Excitebike (F1NG3RS Remix) - 3:17:34

Snatcher - Sega CD - One Night in Neo Kobe City (F1NG3RS Remix) - 3:18:22

KAYTRANADA - LITE SPOTS - 3:19:43

Castlevania Rondo of Blood - Divine Bloodlines (F1NG3RS Remix) - 3:21:46

Joshua Morse - FLESH FLASH - Castlevania Remix - 3:23:06

bLiNd - Samus Shuffle - Chozo Legacy - 3:26:32

Nuclear (Mintorment & F1NG3RS Remix) - 3:28:20

Super Square - Bangy Bangy - Coltan Johnson Remix - 3:33:05

A_Rival - Ryu's Theme - 3:36:16

Prototype Raptor - Chemixtrixx ( Chemical Plant Zone ) [VIP Mix] 3:39:55

Zomboy - Raptor - 3:42:37

Ben Briggs - Falcon Punch - 3:44:09

James Landino - Flash Man - Mega Man Remix - 3:46:55

OMNI - DKC Aquatic Ambience - 3:49:49

Megalovania - Tenkitsune (Future House Remix) - Toby Fox - 3:51:44

James Landino - Hyrule Dungeon (Courage) - 3:55:44

Mintorment - Apex - 3:58:35

Super Smash Bros. Ultimate Theme - Levi Niha Remix - 4:03:18

Super Square - Street Fighter - 4:06:08

[tisthenightofthewitch]

As critical and commercial accolades continue to amass at the feet of Ghost – those Satan-loving retro rockers from Sweden – one might be forgiven for wondering if founder/singer Tobias Forge (aka, Papa Emeritus I, II and III and currently Cardinal Copia), might have really cut a deal with the Devil. After all, over the course of four studio albums, the band have earned the feverish adulation of both fans and critics, not to mention the likes of Dave Grohl and James Hetfield. They notched a 2016 Grammy for Best Metal Performance and after a complete lineup change in 2016, Forge and the band’s latest iteration released this year’s Prequelle, their finest work to date and current leader of the Metal Hammer fan poll for best 2018 album so far.

If you’re just getting involved or you enjoy making and slagging off lists, here are Ghost's ten best songs.

10. Per Aspera Ad Inferi

On 2013’s Infestissumam Ghost took their occult flavour of nihilism to extravagant heights with this towering hymn of damnation. From the word “go,” the devilish Swedes have cheekily borrowed traditional Christian constructs – prayers, hymns and imagery – and inverted them into kitschy Satanic paeans. On this track, Papa Emeritus II twists the encouraging Latin maxim, Per aspera ad astra (“Through hardship to the stars,”) into something infinitely more bleak – Per Aspera Ad Inferi, (“Through hardship to hell”). Warm guitar tones and punchy, one-two tempos drive into one of the band’s most memorable and ear-wormish choruses.

9. Elizabeth

Four years after forming in Linköping, Sweden, Ghost released a three track demo, followed by a 7” vinyl of Elizabeth (with Death Knell as the B-side). Inspired by the sonic grandeur of Mercyful Fate, the lyrics spin a wistful ode to Hungarian Countess Elizabeth Báthory de Ecsed, known as the most prolific female serial killer in history. With the snarling chug of the rhythm guitar, eerie waves of echo-drenched leads and stunning vocal harmonies, the track became their first single, easily earning a slot on their Grammis-nominated debut, Opus Eponymous.

8. Ghuleh/Zombie Queen

Infestissumam’s stunning fifth track was somewhat lost in the playful reverie of tracks like Secular Haze and Body And Blood. However, it remains one of the most important offerings in the band’s catalogue, revealing Ghost’s ambitions as extending far beyond the safe confines of 80s hard rock. Opening with soft, mournful piano and Papa’s spectral hiss, Ghuleh/Zombie Queen builds into a dizzying freakout of carnivalesque organs and punchy surf-rock tempos, finally erupting into a full-throttle rocker. Clocking in at seven-and-a-half minutes, Ghuleh/Zombie Queen established that even as they mined the familiar veins of the classic rock landscape, Ghost were anything but predictable.

7. Ritual

For many, the third track of the band’s debut served as their introduction to Ghost, a stupidly-addictive ode to the polished hard rock stylings of 70s legends like Blue Öyster Cult and Pentagram. Velvety swaths of organ meld with a driving bassline, crunchy riffs and golden vocal harmonies that cut a jarring contrast against lyrics so overtly Satanic that they include a Luciferian “Our Father” just for good measure. Other throwback outfits had managed to tap into the polished studio sound of 70s hard rock, but their inability to convert that sound into memorable new hits left the genre feeling uninspired. With Ritual, Ghost established that their ability to channel the spirit of their influences into bona fide, stadium-rocking anthems left them without peer.

6. Cirice

Edging out the likes of Slipknot and Lamb Of God, Cirice snagged the 2016 Grammy award for Best Metal Performance, catapulting the band further into the mainstream. Where the previous album had balanced the guitar tones much more evenly alongside bass and keyboards, third album Meliora saw the band shift their focus back onto the power of the mighty riff, with Cirice leading the way. Behind its spine-chilling opening melody and the slashing momentum of the verse, the band’s most successful single (to date) is a maelstrom of darkened riffs interspersed with dramatic flourishes of piano and infectious, shout-at-the-ceiling chorus.

5. Year Zero

Great satire uses subtlety to separate the ones who get it from the ones who don’t. From the opening notes of their 2010 demos through the commercial triumphs of Prequelle, Ghost flaunt a superb ability to take their Satanic pageantry to absurdly-exaggerated heights, while leaving just the teensiest, tiniest speck of doubt that, “Holy shit, these guys just might be serious after all.” Year Zero straddles the line between its over-the-top, ‘Hail Satan’ lyricism and a ginormous chorus, bursting with sugary pop hooks. It’s a weird balance that dominates the Ghost catalogue, with themes of darkness and inhumanity woven into bright, hopeful melodies that in lesser, more literal hands, might end up as sappy ballads or generic radio rock. Subtle and affecting, you’ll find yourself still humming Year Zero days after you’ve last heard it.

4. Con Clavi Con Dio

Deus Culpa opens Ghost’s studio debut with the baroque purr of an organ but it’s the swinging thrust of the bassline in Con Clavi Con Dio that establishes that we’re a long, long way from church. Everything that you love about Ghost is here in spades – smooth layers of guitars, keyboards and gauzy atmospherics, with more hooks than a coat room. But it’s the otherworldly melodies that most closely identify Ghost – eerie note choices that centre on the tritone interval, aka 'The devil’s interval.' This interval dominates Con Clavi Con Dio, investing the track with a menacing sense of sacrilege and some of the finest riffs the band have ever composed.

3. Rats

Though Prequelle draws heavily upon the themes and imagery of the Black Plague to inform its identity, it fits equally well in our current turbulent landscape. With its growling opening riffs, pummelling tempos and fist-in-the-air refrain, Rats sees the band again celebrating their melodic hard rock influences, mixing in a bit more of NWOBHM swagger and just a dash of Swedish pop (to wit: the “ooh-aah” after the word ‘Rats,’ in the chorus). Although it follows the album’s intro, Ashes, it’s the first proper track on the record, heralding something fierce, new and aggressive. In the wake of 2016’s lineup change, Rats is the sound of Forge doubling down on his commitment to evolving Ghost’s sound while retaining its most familiar elements.

2. Miasma

Let’s cut to the chase – there’s a goddamned saxophone solo on this track – and it’s glorious! One of Prequelle’s two magnificent instrumentals, Miasma sees the band voyaging into the cosmic recesses of 80s prog, with a blitz of synths, dramatic atmospherics, kaleidoscopic dual fretwork and yes, a sax solo at the end. Like many of their finest tracks, Miasma twists and evolves into something entirely different from its opening; in this case, it begins with a moody slab of space rock, but the final minutes see the track gathering into a breathtaking barrage of steely riffs, slamming tempos and a not-so-subtle nod to the King Of Pop himself, Michael Jackson (see minute 4:04). Ambitious, expertly polished and catchy as hell, the beings of the Universe will still be listening to Miasma long after our species has left the planet.

1. Square Hammer

With its serpentine melodies, pounding rhythms and a chorus large enough to swallow a black hole, the opening track of 2016’s Popestar, the band’s second studio EP, sees Ghost at their catchiest. From start-to-finish, Square Hammer is an absolute belter, delivering chugging riffs, groovy guitar solos and a siege of slamming, radio-friendly hooks. The only original track on the EP, Square Hammer quickly ascended to Number One on Billboard’s Mainstream Rock list and it remains a set-ending staple of their live show, due to its soaring energy and shout-out refrain. Square Hammer is one of those rarified hits that people tend to play with back-to-back-to-back devotion for days and even weeks at a stretch. The fact that Ghost are releasing some of the most vital and enjoyable music of their career bodes exceedingly well for the future of Cardinal Copia and his cursed congregation.

So happy Elizabeth is on there!