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cozy-the-overlord · 4 years ago

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Now, Forever, and Always

Summary: She was perfect—intelligent, entertaining, kind, beautiful... but mortal. Loki was determined not to lose her.

Word Count: 7,031

Pairing: Loki x OFC

A/N: So this idea came from a made-up fic title sent to me by @the-emo-asgardian for an ask game a few weeks ago and has been living rent free in my mind ever since. I don't know why that out of all the nice, happy fic ideas I got out of that game, it was the depressing one I decided I had to write. Oh well. Hope you enjoy!

Tags: @lucywrites02 @gaitwae

If you want to be tagged, feel free to send an ask :)

Read it on Ao3!

He knew better.

He hadn’t planned on remaining on Earth for any extended period of time. His forced servitude to the Avengers, his punishment—it was a nuisance that he would have to endure for a bit, but like everything else on the planet, it was temporary. Human lives passed with the beat of a heart. They would not hold him for long. Loki only needed to keep his head down and wait.

He knew better than to get involved with a mortal.

In his defense, it hadn’t been something he could have prepared for. At first glance, Madelyn Robbins was hardly anything remarkable. Her role as Stark’s personal assistant kept her in the periphery, the type of person one didn’t notice was in the room until she stepped forward with the answer to their question mere moments after it left their tongue. She was forgettable, unexceptional, a background figure that you weren’t supposed to notice.

But Loki noticed her.

He noticed her intelligence, how easily she picked up on concepts most mortals could never even begin to understand, how she seemed to remember anything and everything she heard and saw. He noticed her focus, how she was able to filter through the chaos of the Tower and retrieve the information she needed without ever having to raise her voice. And he noticed her boldness.

The first time he spoke with her was a week or two after he had first joined the Avengers, back when it seemed there was not one employee in the whole building with enough backbone to look him in the eye. Loki told himself it was fine with him. It wasn’t as if he was interested in making friends with any of them. He had been reading in one of the common areas when he noticed her standing over his chair, waiting expectantly.

He frowned. “Pardon?”

Madelyn’s smile didn’t waver. “I said Mr. Stark’s sending me out on a coffee run,” she said, clutching her tablet to her gray blazer. “I was wondering if you wanted anything.”

Loki glared up at her coldly, out of instinct more than anything else. “I do not drink coffee.” He had expected her to cower, but she only laughed.

“Yeah, that’s what I figured,” she nodded as she turned to leave. “But I just wanted to make sure.” Loki had watched as she made her way across the room to where Thor was talking with two agents he didn’t recognize. He didn’t hear what they said, but her musical laugh carried over his brother’s booming voice. When he turned back to his book, he found himself reading the same page over and over again.

She didn’t ask him for his coffee order again. Loki should have been pleased with that—she got the hint, she wasn’t trying to bother him—but as he watched her make the rounds with the other Avengers, joking together as she balanced the plastic cups on her tray, he felt only disappointment.

He started watching her from afar without really realizing he was doing it: during briefings, in the lab, at Stark’s godforsaken “teambuilding exercises”—she was always there, standing in the background, waiting to jump into action the moment someone needed something. She was quiet, but not a shy sort of quiet—she’d dive into conversation with anyone who gave her the opportunity to do so. No, Madelyn was a professional quiet. Loki found himself wondering what she was like outside the Tower, beyond the boundaries of her employment.

She was notoriously private about her personal life. Stark would tease her about it often, asking her loaded questions everyone knew she wouldn’t answer.

“You don’t mind staying late tonight, do you?” he’d smirk. “You won’t be keeping anyone waiting up, right?”

Loki would have been driven mad by such interrogation, but Madelyn always laughed it off. “I’ll worry about that, Mr. Stark. You just stick to your robots.”

Perhaps this was why it was treated as such a shocking turn of events when Thor announced that he had seen Madelyn’s boyfriend.

“It was in front of the building, on the street. They were embracing.” His brother seemed unreasonably proud to be the one to break the news to everyone. “He was tall, light-haired. Very handsome. I’d say they looked to be very much in love!”

As the others tittered over this gossip, Loki slunk from the room. It shouldn’t have come as a surprise. Madelyn was clever, kind, attractive—of course she had a lover. What did it matter? It wasn’t as if it affected him. Still, he couldn’t shake the hollow feeling in his chest.

What kind of man would she love, he wondered? Someone gentle, probably. Someone who she could sit down and talk to knowing he was genuinely listening. Someone who would respect her choices and trust her decisions. Someone who could make her laugh—Madelyn loved to laugh. It seemed she was always giggling at something someone said, hiding her mouth behind her palm as her eyes sparkled with mirth. It was rather adorable. He had made her laugh before, once when Stark and Rodgers were arguing over some inconsequential thing. Loki didn’t even remember what it was he said; he had just rolled his eyes and made some dry remark, and Madelyn ducked her head into her hands as she chortled. When he turned towards her, she was smiling brightly at him. He found he was smiling too.

It was stupid, but Loki didn’t like the idea of anyone else making her smile like that.

The other Avengers didn’t seem to mind, and to Loki’s chagrin the mystery man remained a hot topic of conversation for the next several months. He couldn’t look at her without Thor’s words bleeding through his ears like poison in his mind: “I’d say they looked to be very much in love!”

Loki was thinking about it the day before New Year’s Eve, when Madelyn joined him in the elevator as he was returning to his rooms with her usual cheerful greeting. He nodded his hello. For a moment, they only stood in silence, but soon enough she turned to him.

“Are you going to Mr. Stark’s party tomorrow?” she asked.

Ah, yes. Stark’s infamous New Year’s celebration. Loki thought that he would prefer the scorching heat of a Muspelheim prison to spending the night with a skyscraper full of drunken mortals who despised his very existence, but Thor had made it clear that he had little choice in the matter.

“I’ve been told that I will be in attendance, whether I like it or not.” Madelyn chuckled, and Loki felt that familiar warmth rising in his chest. He cleared his throat. “Are you going?”

“Yeah, I guess. It would look bad if I didn’t,” she sighed wistfully. “I don’t know, I just always feel like such a loser showing up to these things alone.”

Loki frowned. Surely, attending alone was not her only option. “Your boyfriend is not accompanying you?”

Madelyn cocked her head, giving him a strange look. “I don’t have a boyfriend,” she said slowly.

For a moment Loki thought he was hearing things. “You don’t?” he repeated.

She shook her head, frowning. “Why did you think that?”

His mind was racing. “Thor—he said he saw you embracing someone in front of the building.”

“What!” she cried. “When?”

He told her the whole story, repeating his brother’s tale practically word for word in bewildered confusion. By the end, she was laughing incredulously.

“That was Dave!” she choked. “My brother-in-law, Dave! I left my purse in my apartment, and I needed my ID to get into the Tower. He was just dropping it off for me. Did everyone think we were a thing? Oh, that’s hilarious!”

She dabbed at her eyes with the corner of her sleeve as Loki stared in disbelief. For so long, he had buried his thoughts under the belief that she was taken, that even if he allowed himself to want her she could never be his. This revelation seemed unthinkable.

“You’re not seeing anyone?” he asked.

“No!” She was still laughing as she shook her head. “I’ve been single for the past two years.”

“Oh.” Loki swallowed. He knew he should have left it there. She was mortal. She was temporary. Indulging the wild longing in his chest would only lead to more suffering. He knew better.

And yet he didn’t.

“Well, in that case,” Loki inhaled. There was a tremble in his voice—where had that come from?—that he hoped she didn’t notice. “Perhaps you would honor me with your company at the party tomorrow night?”

Madelyn turned back towards him “Are—are you asking me out?”

He burned. “I believe that’s the proper phrase.” This was a terrible idea.

But she didn’t appear to be offended. Rather, she sounded … confused. “Really?” she asked. “I just—I didn’t think you liked anybody here.”

“I like you.” He did, he realized, although it was strange to admit out loud. The simple truth was that the room lit up whenever she entered, and he lit up with it.

“Really?” Madelyn whispered. He nodded. “Well,” she said, a soft smile breaking out across her lips, “I like you too. And I’d love to go with you tomorrow night.”

Something bloomed in his chest, something lovely and wonderful and warm. He loved the way she smiled.

“Excellent,” he said, fighting to keep his elated grin from seeming too over-eager. “I’ll be looking forward to it.”

It was scandalous, to be sure, when they walked onto the penthouse floor arm in arm on New Year’s Eve. It seemed the whole room fell quiet for a moment. In the back, Stark nearly choked on his drink.

Madelyn didn’t seem to mind. She pulled him through the hordes of people, the voluminous skirt of her dress swirling around her in an emerald sea. He didn’t know where she had managed to find a gown that so flawlessly matched his colors on such short notice, or how she had even known to look for one in that shade, but it was perfect.

She was perfect.

Stark’s holiday celebrations were always an adventure—they weren’t quite up to par with the unhinged chaos of Asgardian feasts, but they usually were hectic enough to keep Loki looking over his shoulder the entire time, half expecting to find some demon from his past lurking amidst the drunken partygoers. That night though, there was only Madelyn. She pulled him through the madness with the easy assurance of an expert, gliding with him across the dance floor as if they owned it. She knew all the nooks and crannies, all the little alcoves to which they could retreat when they wished to break from the noise to talk.

They talked a lot. She told him about her family, about her mother who went around telling all her brunch friends that her daughter worked alongside the Avengers for a living (“she leaves out the fact that I’m basically a glorified intern”), about her older sister who gave up her dreams of Hollywood to settle down with her high school sweetheart.

“He’s the one who dropped off your purse?” Loki interrupted as they sat at a bench against the wall on the balcony, overlooking the festivities below.

Madelyn laughed. “Yeah, Dave. He is a sweetheart.” She shook her head, still chuckling. “I can’t believe you guys thought he was my boyfriend. That’s so funny to me.”

“Well, my brother does have a tendency to jump to conclusions,” Loki sighed, watching Thor and his crowd of inebriated fools attempting to take shots off of Mjolnir’s handle. He turned back to his lady. “But you can’t place all the blame on him. We all knew next to nothing about your personal life. How was he to know better?”

“True,” she mused. “I like to keep an air of mystery at work. It keeps people interested.”

“Oh?” Loki raised his eyebrows. “If that’s the case, then why have you dropped the mystery with me?”

She scowled at him with mock outrage. “Am I not interesting enough for you, Asgardian?”

Laughing, he pulled back on to the dance floor.

It was fitting that the party marked the beginning of the New Year, because afterwards everything changed. It had been a while since Loki had courted anyone, and of course Midgardian “dating” was a bit different, but it brough a levity to his life that he hadn’t realized he needed. On the surface, it didn’t even seem that drastic a shift. Sometimes, it was as simple as a glance from her across a crowded room, that warm smile meant just for him, and suddenly the whole world lit up. Stark groaned that the two of them making heart eyes at each other all day made him sick, but Loki couldn’t care less. For once, life didn’t seem quite so wretched.

At first, they only spent time together within the Tower—after all, Loki was confined to SHIELD’s surveillance. He was rather ashamed of it, ashamed that he wasn’t able to take her out and show her a good time the way she deserved, but Madelyn insisted that she didn’t mind. She’d pick up sandwiches at a bakery down the street and they’d have dinner in his rooms while watching a movie.

He had to laugh—Madelyn had a list of film she claimed were a critical part of Midgardian culture that he just had to see, but inevitably they’d turn it on and spend the entire time talking over it about a subject only tangentially related. He didn’t mind though, and Madelyn didn’t seem to either—she’d rest her head on his shoulder and tell him all the differences between the film and the book which it was inspired by, and he’d wrap his arm around her shoulder and hang on to every word.

The first time she stayed the night had actually been an accident. It seemed that they both had miscalculated how tired they were after a week of wild missions and had fallen asleep together whilst cuddling on the couch. Loki woke up with the gentle pressure of her head on his chest and the warmth of her in his arms. He was smiling before he was even fully awake.

After a while, he began finding ways to sneak out of the Tower and meet her elsewhere. Her tiny apartment became the center of his world. He’d meet her for coffee or for dinner or just for a walk, and she’d take him home with her, so often that she stopped asking him if he wanted to come in. It was a peaceful kind of domestic that Loki had never thought to dream about. Madelyn was perfect—intelligent, entertaining, kind, beautiful, everything he could ever want. Sometimes, he almost forgot that she wasn’t Asgardian.

Her mortality would rear its head in other ways, though. One day, she tripped walking down the stairs as they were leaving her apartment building, tumbling to the ground before Loki could catch her. It wasn’t a bad fall, and Madelyn had scrambled back to her feet in seconds insisting she was fine, but her ankle had swollen up almost immediately. When she tried to take another step, she almost fell over again.

This time, Loki scooped her up into his arms. “Fragile little thing,” he teased, carrying her down the steps to a nearby bench.

They had laughed about it, but a week later Madelyn was still walking with a limp.

One night, he awoke with a start, sweating and shaking and gasping for air as Madelyn hovered over him anxiously.

“It’s a dream!” she was crying. “Loki, it’s not real!”

The bed was too hot. Loki ripped himself from the covers, hunching over the side as he struggled to catch his breath. Madelyn followed, rubbing his back soothingly as he fought to control the trembling in his hands. For a moment, the room was silent but for his labored breathing.

“Are you okay?” she finally whispered.

He nodded, not trusting his voice.

“You were crying in your sleep.”

Must have woken her up then. He tried to swallow, but his mouth tasted like sandpaper. “I’m sorry.”

Madelyn shook her head. “No, it’s fine! I was just worried.” She squeezed his hand. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Loki inhaled. “It was just a dream. No matter.” Even in the dark, he could feel her eyes on him, studying him in concern. When he moved to lie back down, she laid next to him, a protective arm around his torso.

“You’re safe here, okay?” she whispered. “Nothing can happen to us here.” Loki didn’t answer, only staring at the ceiling.

For once, it hadn’t been about him.

No, he had dreamed of Madelyn, stiff in a hospital bed, her cheeks hollowed and gaunt, her once vibrant hair now a thinned and faded halo on the pillow beneath her head. Her wrinkled skin sagged with the weight of infirmity. Her clasped hands rose and fell with her chest as the death rattle stained her wilted lips.

Loki tried to forget about it, but the image was seared into his memory. He couldn’t look at Madelyn without picturing her face caving into a haggard old woman choking on her last breath. It would happen soon, he realized, horrifically soon. Mortals had a hundred years if they were lucky, less if they weren’t. He spent sleepless nights lying awake in bed, listening to Madelyn’s steady breathing in the dark. 100 years—that was nothing. That was a blink of an eye, a beat of his heart, and then she’d be gone.

He couldn’t bear to think of it.

There was a story, he remembered suddenly on one such torturous night, a story his mother used to tell to him and his brother when they were small, about a goddess with magical apples that could grant immortality to those who tasted them. It was probably nothing, just a childish bedtime tale, but once it flitted into his mind Loki couldn’t get it out. After all, didn’t most legends have some basis in fact?

It was a myth on Midgard, too. He found it within moments when he looked it up—the story of Idunn’s apples. Of course, that didn’t mean anything. The human versions of Asgardian history had a tendency to be quite muddled. But … it was an idea. There had to be something, some way to extend a mortal lifespan. Without telling anyone, Loki began devoting his free time to research.

They had been together for several months when Loki decided to take Madelyn to Asgard for the first time. Frigga had extended her invitation to her a bit prior, but accepting hadn’t been an easy decision. He had watched Thor take Jane home many times over since he began his stint with the Avengers. He had seen firsthand how Asgardians looked upon mortals in their midst, even when the mortal in question were on the arm of their golden prince. He couldn’t imagine that Madelyn could expect any better treatment— in fact, given his reputation, it seemed safe to assume that she could expect worse.

But in the end, they decided to go. Madelyn was excited—her first time traveling off world— and Loki was eager to introduce her to his mother, who he knew would just absolutely adore her.

Secretly, he was also hoping that she would be able to help him with granting Madelyn immortality.

His mortal lover was a bit overwhelmed at first by their trip to the Golden City.

“I think I’m going to be sick” she whispered, clutching his wrist so tightly it almost hurt as they stepped off the Bifrost, and for a moment Loki feared that the visit had been a mistake. But she recovered quickly, and soon curiosity bubbled over her anxiety.

“What’s this made of?” she asked, wide eyes staring at the bridge beneath their feet as he helped her mount his horse. “Is it some kind of crystal? How does it work?” He couldn’t help but laugh as he climbed on behind her, pressing a kiss to her neck before spurring on his stead.

As to be expected, his mother took Madelyn under her wing immediately, greeting her with an embrace before swooping her away to help her unpack and dress for dinner.

Unfortunately, she was less helpful when Loki approached her later about his search.

“Oh Loki,” she sighed when he asked if she knew of any way to extend a human lifespan. “That’s the quandary of becoming entangled with mortals. Their lives are fleeting. You have to be able to accept that.”

No. Loki shook his head fiercely. “There must be some way,” he insisted. “The stories you’d tell us as children, Idunn’s apples—“

“Those were stories, my son.” He hated the pity in her eyes as she studied him. “She is mortal. She will grow old, and she will die. It’s the way of things.” Frigga took his hand in hers. “Enjoy the time you have with her. Don’t waste her life trying to save it.”

He ripped his arm from her. “That’s not good enough!”

She inhaled, holding the bridge of her nose. “You could ask your father,” she finally offered. “He may know something I don’t.”

Loki huffed in resignation.

When he brought forth his question before the AllFather, he had known Odin would never take it seriously. Still, he found himself tasting blood as his father’s ragged laughter echoed across the empty throne room.

“Is this the reason why you brought her here, then?” he asked. “You seek a cure for inferiority?”

“I seek to expand my lady’s lifespan,” he said, struggling to maintain his even tone. “She has no inferiority to cure.”

“Your lady,” he mocked. “Your lady, who you might snap in half with a wayward flick of your wrist. Would you not call that inferiority?”

Loki held his tongue. Try as he might to ignore it, there was truth to Odin’s words and he hated him for it.

“I seek to expand her lifespan,” he repeated. “Do you know of any method do do so?”

His father raised his eyebrows. “Unlike my sons, I’m not in the habit of keeping mortal pets.”

Loki seethed. “She is not a pet!”

“Your time on Midgard has made you as childish as your brother.” Odin shook his head, leaning back in his golden throne. “The mortal’s life is fleeting, insignificant. You would waste your time and mine trying to raise a dog to godhood.”

“She’s not a dog!” he snapped. “She’s not a dog, she’s not a pet, she’s my love and her name is Madelyn.”

“And in a century, she’ll be dust!” the king retorted. “Will it matter then what name marks her headstone?”

Loki stormed out.

It was pathetic, pathetic, that his father’s words still cut him so deeply, that his inconsequential views could still send him running with tears burning in his eyes like a slighted child. He stomped through the palace halls with no real destination in mind, heaving like some kind of animal.

He’d show him. He’d show them both. He’d find a way to save her. Somehow, he’d find a way to make her immortal, and then they’d see. They’d see.

He was shaking uncontrollably by the time he found Madelyn in the gardens, gathered in the middle of the brick pathways with Frigga and several of her ladies. It was strange— swathed in an Asgardian gown, with her hair done up in the latest fashion, one would never have known she was of Midgard.

She turned as Loki approached, her eyes lighting up as they always did whenever they landed on his. However, her gaze turned to a frown as he got closer.

“Loki, what’s wro—“ he planted his lips on hers before she could finish, cradling her face in his palms as he drank in her smell. Madelyn stiffened at first, but in moments she had melted into the kiss even as the court ladies tittered around them.

When they finally pulled away, she let out a flustered giggle. “What was that for?”

He studied her face, her sparkling eyes that seemed to hold whole galaxies, entranced. “I love you.”

Loki had never said the words before, not to her or any other woman, and yet they flowed from his lips as easily as a downhill stream. Madelyn’s breath hitched.

“What?” she breathed.

“I love you,” he repeated, his heart glowing with all the confidence in the universe, and he kissed her again.

When they returned to Earth, Loki threw himself back into his research with a new ferocity. He scoured the history of the Nine Realms, seeking just the slightest hint that what he was searching for existed. The myth of Idunn’s apples was a recurring subject, and he tried frantically to trace it to reality, but unfortunately, his mother’s assertion that it was naught but a child’s bedtime story appeared to be true. He couldn’t find any proof of them actually existing. Still, he spent nights at his desk, hunched over the scrolls Frigga sent him from the palace library, praying for something that continued to elude him.

Madelyn, unconcerned with her impending mortality, fretted he wasn’t getting enough sleep.

“Just come to bed,” she pleaded with him one night. “Whatever it is, it can wait until the morning.”

He laughed softly. “I don’t need as much rest as you do, love. I think I’ll be fine.”

“But you stay up all night, and then they send you into the field in the morning!” she insisted, rubbing his shoulder. “That can’t be safe.”

He covered her hand with his own, gently stroking her knuckles. It never ceased to amaze him how soft her skin was. “You don’t need to worry about me, darling.”

But Madelyn was right, as always. He wasn’t getting enough sleep at night, and it was beginning to affect his reflexes. It was only a matter of time before it all came to a head.

In Loki’s defense, it wasn’t entirely his fault. The mission had been flawed to begin with, everything that could have possibly gone wrong went wrong, and Loki had ended up trapped in an underground Hydra base with no backup, no escape plan, and hordes of enemy agents closing in. Still, it was manageable—far from ideal, but manageable— until he miscalculated a dagger throw and hit one of their Tesseract-powered devices.

Shit—

He felt the blast more than he saw it, felt the burst of scorching heat that flooded the hall and ripped the air from his lungs. His vision burned bright white.

Huh, he remembered thinking, perhaps Madelyn and I will have closer lifespans after all.

She was the first thing he saw when he awoke, head buzzing and limbs too leaden to move. He opened his aching eyes and she was there, glowing in the light of the hospital room, his guardian angel watching over him through the night. When he croaked her name, her eyes swam with relief. She reached out to stroke his cheek, the chill of her fingers soothing against his feverish skin. He melted against her touch. Suddenly, nothing else mattered.

“Madelyn,” he gasped. “Madelyn, marry me.”

He passed out before he could hear her answer.

They were wed on Alfheim, atop a picturesque cove overlooking the gardens of Ljosalfgard. Madelyn was absolutely radiant, her silver gown bathing her in a pearly glow as she practically sang her vows to him. Loki drowned in her eyes, drowned in the desire to sweep her into his arms and kiss her until they were both out of breath. He could have almost ignored the vow "til death do us part" had it not been for the pitied glance the Elvish officiants exchanged as she said them.

"I'm going to find a way to save you," he whispered against her hair that night as he held her to his bare chest.

Madelyn shifted, craning her neck so that she could fix him with a frown. "What are you talking about?"

A wayward strand of hair clung to her forehead. Loki pushed it away absentmindedly.

"Death will not part us, my love. I swear it."

She sighed. "Don't think about stuff like that. Not tonight." She leaned back against him, covering his hand with hers as she drifted off to sleep.

Loki didn't say anything.

Stark bought them a house in Upstate New York as a wedding present—a sweet, cozy little place not too far away from the new Avengers base. It was quiet, secluded, peaceful, everything he could have ever asked for.

If only he hadn’t known it was temporary.

Madelyn didn’t understand. She’d get up in the morning to find Loki pouring over his scrolls at the kitchen table, having never come to bed at all, and scold him for not taking better care of himself.

“This is ridiculous!” she snapped. “You’re going to kill yourself over this wild goose chase!”

“I have to!” he insisted. “I have to find a way to save you!”

She sighed. “You don’t need to save me.” Kneeling besides him, she took his face in her hands. “Don’t you see? I don’t care how long my life is, as long as I get to spend it with you.” Loki closed his eyes as he leaned into her palm, covering the back of her hand with his own. It was so simple for her. She didn’t understand how the image of her decaying features haunted his every waking moment.

They had been husband and wife for quite some time when he finally found something—a lead that might have the capability to save her from her ephemerality. Loki was ecstatic, more hopeful than he had been in years as he prepared to make the journey across the galaxy. Madelyn was less so.

“Look,” she worried as she watched race about the house packing a bag. “I’m glad that you’re so happy, but is this really worth the trip?”

“How could it not be?” he asked. “Once I return, you will finally be immortal, as you deserve. We will be able to live out our lives together forever.” Loki glanced up at her. “Don’t you want that?”

“Of course I want that, Loki!” Madelyn cried. “But more than that, I want you, here, safe. You don’t know what you’re walking into. You can’t even know how long you’ll be gone! What if something happens to you?”

He laughed softly. “You need not fear for me, my love. I will always return to you.”

Still, she remained unsoothed. “Please,” she said. “If you have to go, let me come with you. We’ll stay together!”

“No. It’s far too dangerous for you.” The very thought sent a shiver down his spine. “I’ll not allow the Norns to take you from me as I attempt to save you.”

“Loki …”

“Darling.” He kissed her, relishing the way she melted against him. “All will be well. I swear it.”

But all was not well. Months of searching in the very corners of deep space brought him nowhere, his false hopes dashed across the barren landscape of the planet her salvation. The scrolls had been wrong. There was nothing.

At first, Loki stayed out there, still frantically searching for something that could save her. He had promised, sworn, to her that he would find a way. He couldn’t return home empty handed. And so for a while longer he remained on the edges of space, traveling from planet to remote planet as he fought to find even the slightest hint of the solution he sought. But the time away weighed heavily on his soul. He missed Madelyn—he missed the curve of her smile, the melody of her laugh, the way she never seemed to tire of listening to what he had to say. He missed waking up to the comforting pressure of her head on his chest. Finally, he couldn’t take it anymore.

He had barely made it up the driveway before Madelyn had thrown her arms around him, clinging him so tightly that he almost couldn’t breathe even as her tiny body shook with her tears. Loki tugged her closer, burying his face in her neck. She smelled like home.

Still, something held him from smiling when they finally pulled away.

“I failed,” he whispered, hanging his head. “I failed you, Madelyn.”

She shook her head, cupping his face with her hands. “You’re back,” she said sternly, “You’re back and you’re safe and that’s all I will ever care about.”

Loki hadn’t realized how long he had been gone until he returned. Madelyn was the same gorgeous creature he had always known, but he began to pick up on miniscule differences within her. She was thinner, her face more worn than when he remembered. He found himself repeating the same tales to her over and over again—she’d ask him questions about his journey, he would answer them, they’d talk about his answers until she was satisfied … and then she’d ask the same question a few days later as if she had never spoken it before. It frightened him.

At first, he would point it out to her, his fear manifesting in frustrated questions: “Didn’t I already tell you all this?” But he hated the way she flinched, how her face would fall as she murmured apologetically that she must have forgotten. He hated feeling as if he was causing her pain. So, Loki repeated his anecdotes and kept his worries to himself.

He feared for her physical health as well. Her hands had become stiff and swollen since he had seen her last, painful to the point that she now took prescribed medication to help her cope. On some days, it seemed hardly noticeable, but on others she could barely bend her fingers. Still, Madelyn insisted that it was fine.

“It’s no big deal,” she told him. “My mom had arthritis, I knew I was probably going to get it eventually.” With a dry laugh, she added, “I’m probably lucky—she always had it much worse than this.”

Madelyn’s mother had passed away while he was gone, the victim of the horrible human disease known as cancer. Madelyn didn’t speak much about it, not even to him. Loki felt guilty—he had unknowingly her left alone and without support in a time when she had probably needed it the most. He was also increasingly anxious—if Madelyn had already inherited one disease from her mother, who’s to say she wouldn’t also develop the far more deadly one? Loki found himself returning to his research.

It wasn’t until he started on the texts Thor had gifted him from his own travels that he thought he found something. A necklace of myth, purported to be held deep within the twisted forests of Terma, enchanted to bring eternal life to those who wear it about their neck. Loki arranged to leave for it immediately.

However, his wife put her foot down. “You’re not going again.”

Loki sighed. “I have to. Madelyn, there’s a chance that this could work—”

“That’s what you said last time!”

“I know. But I have to try.”

“Why?” she demanded, tone verging on hysterical.

He turned around incredulously. Why? “Because I love you!”

“No you don’t!” The walls rattled with the weight of her words. It was only then that Loki realized his wife was crying. His eyes widened in horror. “If you loved me, you wouldn’t keep leaving.” Her voice cracked, her breath coming in unsteady hiccups. “You were gone for so long. I didn’t know if you were okay, or if you were coming back—I was so scared—”

Loki pulled her into his arms, where she sobbed freely against his chest. It was as if someone had stuck a dagger in his gut. Everything he had done, every action he had taken—it had all been for Madelyn. That’s all he ever wanted, to protect Madelyn! And yet, it seemed he had caused her more pain than the forces of nature he sought to protect her from.

“I’m so sorry,” he whispered against her hair as he held her to his chest. His vision prickled with tears of his own. “I won’t leave again, I promise. I’m so sorry, my love.”

He resolved to be strong. He would not think of what the future held; he would keep his mind in the here and now, safe and warm with his perfect wife at his side. And so he did, for a time. He’d read poetry to her out loud as she rested her head on his lap, telling himself that he was only imagining that the creases in her face seemed to be deepening with every passing day. Some nights, they’d join the others for dinner at the Avengers base, where the conversation would inevitably devolve into Barton and Stark arguing over who had the more accomplished grandchildren and Madelyn would doze off against his shoulder on the way home. There was a steady sort of domesticity to it, and Loki enjoyed it—he enjoyed every moment with her—but he could only ignore time’s dark specter for so long.

It reared its ugly head in the form of a bottle under the sink. When Loki had first found it, he had only been confused, but when he presented it to Madelyn, she wouldn’t look him in the eyes.

“It’s hair dye,” she finally admitted. “I’ve been using it for a few years now.”

Loki didn’t understand. “What are you talking about? Your hair color hasn’t changed.”

Her laugh was soft and tinged with sadness. “I went gray a while ago, sweetheart. I’ve been dying it my natural color.”

It was as if someone had ripped the air from his lungs. “Wh—” A few years? He gulped. “Why would you do that?”

“I—” Madelyn seemed ashamed. “I was afraid it would upset you. You’ve always been so worried about me, you know—” she inhaled sharply. “I was afraid you’d leave again.”

The heartbreak in her voice was killing him.

“I’m not going anywhere, darling,” he assured her, reaching out to pull her closer. “I promised, remember?”

She nodded, resting her cheek against his chest. “I do remember that, at least.” Loki laughed as he held her close, but inwardly his mind was racing.

He was running out of time.

This time, when he returned to his research, he did so in secret. Madelyn was suffering enough—he didn’t want to contribute to her pain. At one point, keeping her in the dark about his activities would have been difficult, back when she caught every little shift in his personality, but these days she didn’t seem to notice as much. Still, Loki couldn’t spend whole nights at his work the way he used to. Madelyn slept lightly, often waking up in the darkness to a fit of hacking and gasping for air. He’d be at her side in a second, glass of water in hand and notes abandoned.

“Sorry … for waking you up,” she’d wheeze. “Didn’t mean to.”

“It’s okay,” he’d choke.

But one night, she caught him. It was chillier than usual, and he had moved from his desk to the living room and the fireplace. The crackling of the flames masked the padding of her feet down the hall.

“What are you doing?”

He jumped. Madelyn was standing in the hallway, wrapped in a blanket and leaning against the doorframe for support. Her eyes seemed to glow in the light of the fire.

“I—” He didn’t know how to respond. Perhaps that was enough of a response. She sighed, hobbling forward on unsteady legs. Loki rushed forward to support her. “Darling, you shouldn’t be up.”

“No.” She gripped his wrist, nodding towards the couch. “Sit with me. Hold me.” Her expression left no room for argument. He wasn’t certain he wanted to argue with her anyway. Loki scooped her up into his arms and carried her across the room, surprised by how little effort it took him. Madelyn had always been light, but it seemed she had become even more so since he had last picked her up. He found himself thinking about the first time he had carried her, when she twisted her ankle on the steps of her apartment. It felt like just yesterday that he had held her in his arms as he teased her for her mortal fragility. For Madelyn, he realized with a start, it had been a lifetime ago.

He sat on the couch before the fire, still holding her in his lap. She fixed him with a stern glare.

“You said you were done with this.”

As words failed him, Loki let out a pained breath. “It’s you,” he whispered finally. “I can’t—I can’t just give up on you.”

“It’s not giving up.” She reached out to stroke his cheek with wrinkled fingers. He closed his eyes, leaning into her touch. “Loki, I’m old. I’m going to die, soon rather than later. That’s not something anybody can change. Not even you.”

He wished he could accuse her of lying, that he could stand up and prove how she was wrong, how he could stop time’s work. Instead, tears blurred his vision when he opened his eyes. “I can’t lose you.”

She smiled, shaking her head. “You’re not losing me! I’m right here. With you. Now, forever, and always.” She kissed the corner of his mouth, leaning her head against his. “I love you, Loki.”

He pressed his lips to her temple. “I love you too. So much.”

The fire had gone out when he awoke in the morning. She was still in his lap, at rest and peaceful.

“Madelyn?”

She didn’t move.

Loki brushed his fingers across her cheek. Her skin was cold.

His voice broke. “Madelyn.”

But Madelyn only lay against him, still and silent and perfect as could be.

#loki x ofc #loki marvel #loki fanfic #now forever and always

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typewritingyip · 4 years ago

Text

A Life Worth Waiting For

Into and Out of the Wardrobe

A/N: This is my first ever Narnia fic, so thank you to @edmundrex for posting the #CairParavelNet June Event! (Technically it’s called into the wardrobe but I couldn’t just pick one part)

Warnings: Minor Angst, Fluff

Word Count: 8,063

The platform was crowded with weepy mothers, nervous children, and a great deal of luggage. Mothers arms wrapped around my body, as tiny as I was it felt like being wrapped in a blanket. It wasn’t cold on the platform but I was shaky from the nerves. The ringing made it to where I couldn’t even hear what she was saying to me, her words were silent even as she attached the travel tag to my sweater.

“Alright dear, don’t take this tag off until you get to your platform. They’ll pick you up there and take you to where you’ll be safe.”

Her hand brushes over my hair, finally looking up at her through slightly swollen eyes my lip quivers as I try not to cry,

“Mama I don’t want to leave... I- I don’t want you to be alone...”

Her smile was warm as a summer day, one from before the war when we’d spend days in the park. She lightly brushes her thumbs over my cheeks, wiping the tears there away;

“Darling, I’m never alone. Papa may be gone but I have grandmother with me.”

Sniffling I wipe my nose with the sleeve of my sweater. She gently turns me around and nudges me towards the train, getting caught between several people while I struggle with my suitcase. One of the ticket readers grabs the tag and pulls the ticket from it while some older kid grabs my arm, pulling me along. My eyes widen from the sudden grip, following this tall boy onto the train. The door closed behind us and my heart sunk, turning to it I tried to see out the window to see my mother as my eyes fill with tears again.

Before being able to see out the window the trains horn blows and it starts to move and yet again, I’m grabbed by the boy while a conductor checks our tags and heads for a compartment with two children already in it. It was only then that the boy realized I wasn’t his little sister,

“Who are you?”

Sniffling I move to sit down, hugging my suit case tightly,

“Maude, Maude Crownly.”

The conductor nods and helps with the luggage before moving on, leaving all of us in awkward silence. I kept my head down, pulling a few sheets of paper from my pocket and a rather mangled pencil to draw on as the train picks up speed,

“Well, I’m Peter. Peter Pevensie... Sorry if I scared you.”

I glance up at him and smile, missing a tooth in the front of my mouth,

“You didn’t scare me that bad,”

He smiled and sat back, looking at his other siblings before looking down. With that the compartment went silent as it traveled for the country side.

Four hours after the other two children got off the train, the five of us waited in silence for us to arrive at the platform at Coombe Halt, or temporary new home. Curling up in the seat to face the window to see out into the new adventure I’d face, smiling softly as I sketched childish designs onto the paper. Feeling for the first time like one of those heroes in the adventure books father used to read to me once he came home from work. Looking down at the paper I fold it up and return it and the pencil to my pocket, wanting nothing more than to be home or at the very least father to be okay.

The train would stop and each of us in turn would sit up to check to see if it was our stop, but then it would roll along without a conductor coming to retrieve us. None of us knew just how big England could be or how green anything outside London looked.

It was late in the day when it finally stopped again and out compartment door slid open, I jerked awake from the sound, thinking of the worst things possible before realizing where I was. Peter and his siblings were kind enough to help me from the train with them. It wasn’t a station, hardly more than a platform claiming to be a place that actually existed. Slowing down, they all looked back at the train as it rolled away. Setting down my suitcase was kind of a grunt, I sit on it and look at them,

“Do you know who you’re all staying with?”

Peter nodded and double checked his tag, frowning as he looked around,

“Yes, it’s a Professor Kirke... He knew we’d be coming.”

Nodding, I smile and turn to look towards the road, hoping that they’d arrive soon. Though it was another hour before the horsed wagon appeared from over the nearby hill.

That night I had gotten terrible sleep, sharing a bed with strangers and other children for the first time in my life. Though Lucy and I were becoming fast friends, it wasn’t every day during a war you met someone the same age as you with schools being called off every few weeks for safety. A storm rolled in during the night and kept me awake, too scared to close my eyes.

When the next day came and we were all stuck inside, it was barley noon when I started to die from boredom. I wanted to explore the amazing house we were all staying in, to read the books with familiar titles like the ones my father would have in his study. The entire house felt like a smaller version of my father's work at the university. It was amazing to feel so lost yet so found in an instant.

“Peter, can we play hide and seek, please?”

Lucy was pouting and Peter looked mildly exasperated, giving Susan a look,

“But we’re already having so much fun.”

Susan glares and snaps the book closed, then Peter started to count. Much to the distaste of Edmund. Smiling broadly, I run off, mostly to explore then to actually hide. It was all like the adventure books, just in a giant house rather than in a tumbling forest or open plain field.

I could hear the Professors radio playing from his office, with the old Orquestra music quietly through the walls and pipes. Running up a set of stairs felt amazing, feeling for the first time in months much like the child I’d been before the war. Trying to duck into something I was rudely shoved out of the way by Edmund, Lucy had been right on his tail,

“I was here first!”

Scoffing, I hurry up another staircase with Lucy passing me, checking from rooms to hide in. Entering one I follow, hoping for a good hiding place only to find her removing a sheet from something massive. Gawking at it I look at her then to the massive wardrobe, we both could still hear Peter counting.

“This is so cool...”

I brush my fingers over the wood and jump when Lucy opened the door, feeling like a breeze of icy air blew in our faces. I head in first with Lucy following, her backing up to close the door but I faced ahead seeing the strangest thing in the world. Hurrying ahead, tripping on tree branches I fall into the snow and look around in amazement.

It was a snowy wonderland, something of a great imagination with a lamppost standing in the middle. Not something I’d ever been able to think up on my own. Looking up and back, I could see the light into the Spare Room shining just slightly through the crack of the wardrobe door. Looking at Lucy with a giant grin I stand to follow her, then get absolutely terrified by the creature before us. All three screams ring through the air.

Lucy and I hide behind the lamppost, trying to look around either side to get a good look at the man standing there. Though it wasn’t quite a man, it was rather strange for his pants were fur but his shoes appeared to be hooves. I look to Lucy and whisper,

“It’s a fawn...”

Slowing walk out from behind the post and moves to pick up the packages, slowing looking him up and down before speaking,

“Were you hiding from me?”

I smiled and moved to help while they talked, looking around in amazement at the snowy surrounding. When it snowed in London it never stayed this white for long, whether the street or the area it would either turn grey or brown, but this was the softest of white powder snow.

“Everything from-from the lamppost, all the way to castle Cair Paravel on the eastern ocean. Every stick and stone you see, every icicle is Narnia.”

I turn and look around, then look to Lucy,

“It’s an awfully big wardrobe.”

He seemed confused by then then chuckles slightly before speaking up,

“I-I’m sorry, please allow me to introduce myself. My name is Tumnus.”

Standing up straight I take Lucy’s hand, smiling at him, letting her speak since she found Narnia first,

“Pleased to meet you Mr. Tumnus! I’m Lucy Pevensie,”

“And I’m Maude Crownly, it’s a pleasure to meet you.”

We both stuck out our hands and I pulled my back awkwardly, looking down, usually a rather shy person. He had no clue what to do with her hand, so she showed him how to shake it, though both is us realized we didn’t know why people shook hands.

“Well then, Lucy Pevensie and Maude Crownly from the shining city of Wardrobe in the wondrous land of Spare ‘Oom. How would it be if you both came and had tea with me?”

My heart swelled and sank, looking back towards where the wardrobe was, he opened his umbrella to prevent any more snow falling onto his head and into the curls of his hair,

“Well thank you very much but I, we probably should be getting back.”

“Yes, but it’s only just around the corner.”

He made the both of us kind of jump before continuing,

“And there will be a glorious fire with toast and tea and cakes. And, perhaps, we’ll even break into the sardines.”

Lucy glances my way before looking back at Mr. Tumnus,

“I don’t know.”

He shifted his wait and got a slightly sad look on his face,

“Come on. It’s not every day I get to make new friends.”

She looked at me and I bite the corner of my lip before speaking up,

“I suppose we could come for a little while. If you have sardines...”

The last sentence was slightly sarcastic and Lucy giggled, the fact that sardines were a common thing to have with tea in Narnia was greatly odd.

“By the bucket load,”

He held up his umbrella for the three of us to fit under before hurrying off towards his place.

We had spent the day with Mr. Tumnus, enjoying the tea he offered, till it put both of us to sleep along with the enchanted lullaby. It hurt being betrayed by our new found friend, it was jarring. We only then found out about the witch and why the winter was so terrible. Feeling the fear of a witch for the first time, where its real and not just in a book of fairy tales. It was late when we returned to the wardrobe, we stopped outside it and turned to him,

“Will you be alright?”

He laughed nervously then started to cry, clearly scared of what would happen to him. Lucy scrambled and pulled her handkerchief from her pocket, passing it to him so he could dry his eyes,

“I’m sorry, I'm so sorry... Here.”

He tries to give back the handkerchief,

“No, keep it. You need it more than I do.”

“No matter what happens, I am glad to have met you both. You’ve made me feel warmer than I’ve felt in one hundred years. Now go, go.”

He touches out noses gently but spoke firmly. We glance at each other then back at him before hurrying past the lamppost, heading back into the wardrobe. Lucy fell out and continued through the house at a run to find everyone else. I stood there and backed up to stare at the wardrobe, already wishing to be back in Narnia. I could still hear Peter counting till Lucy yelled, frowning I look around then out the window. Struggling for a second, I pull out my father's old pocket watch and found it to just start ticking again, as if nothing had changed and no time had ever passed.

Over the next several days, the others pretended like Lucy and I were mad, like Narnia wasn’t real even when we saw it with our very own eyes.

It was a warm day and the great outdoors supposedly called us to go out and play cricket. I sat in the shade of a large oak tree with Lucy, drawing Mr. Tumnus likeness into the dirt with a stick. Suddenly I hear a loud crash and we all look up, staring at the house before hurrying inside. Within the professor's study Edmund had broken a window and knocked down a suit of armor.

“Well done Ed,”

Peter was clearly stressed about the situation at hand,

“You balled it!”

They nearly started to argue when we all heard Mrs. McCreedy start to storm up the stairs. Looking at all of them I quickly grab hold of Peter’s hand to keep up with them, running to find a place to hide from her. Upstairs, through rooms, down halls, all over the house, trying to find the right place to hide.

Edmund led us into the spare room and opened the wardrobe,

“Come on!”

“You’ve got to be joking.”

But we could hear the house keeper just outside, still looking for us, so into the wardrobe we ran. I followed close behind Edmund, knowing we’d come out the other side. Everyone shuffles through the coats and deeper in, complaining about the tight space of it all. Till we hit the cold air and fell into the snow. I looked up and around, smiling then turned to Peter and Susan.

We got to see their reaction of Narnia for the first time.

“This is impossible.”

I grinned at her reaction and fell back into the snow; it was freezing but it was amazing.

“Don’t worry, I’m sure it’s just your imagination.”

“I don’t suppose saying were sorry will quiet cover it.”

“No, it wouldn’t... But that might!”

Lucy throws a snowball at Peter and I quickly join in, laughing as we pelt each other with snow. Laughing at each other it just made us all colder, but it was fun, more fun than any of us had in possibly years. Peter hits Edmund in the arm which nearly causes an argument. Looking around with a big smile on my face I walk over when Peter starts to hand out coats, practically bouncing with excitement for the thought of going on an adventure.

Even when we were chased by the agents of the witch, dragged down tunnels while avoiding wolves and thinking we were caught by the witch it was jarring but it’s the type of books my father would read. We stayed huddled in a small snow cave Peter having hands over both mine and Lucy’s mouths, petrified of being caught. Then we do scream when Mr. Beaver ducks back down.

“Come on, come on! I hope you’ve all been good, because there's someone here to see you!”

My heart was racing and I crawl out first, wanting to see who was there if it made Mr. Beaver excited. Before us stood a man with a red coat, his hair was as white as the snow and several reindeer pulled his magical sleigh.

“Merry Christmas sir.”

“It certainly is Lucy, since you have arrived.”

Lucy walks towards him with a big smile and I followed, tugging my fur coat closer around me.

“We thought you were the witch...”

I fidgeted with the sleeves of my coat, embarrassed.

“Yes, well. In my defense Maude, I’ve been driving one of these longer than the witch.”

Stepping forward, Susan spoke up,

“I thought there was no Christmas in Narnia.”

“No, not for a long time, but the hope you have brought your majesties, is finally starting to weaken the witches' power. Still I dare say you could do with these.”

He turns with a laugh and pull the large bag from the back of his sleigh, starting to open it and push aside toys of all kinds.

“Presents!”

Lucy rushes forward to look inside, excited by the thought of something new. One by one we are all given weapons to use in our battle. Healing juice and a dagger for Lucy, a bow plus a horn to call for help for Susan, a sword and shield for Peter that was beautifully engraved, and a seemingly bottomless bag along with my own smaller sword for myself.

Father Christmas gave us the strength and hope to continue on, the tools we would need and a boost to our bravery. Putting my father's pocket watch into the bag, I look around at everyone getting comfortable carrying their new weapons before we continue toward the stone table.

When the ground turned from white to green, we all left our coats hanging on tree branches, I tied my sweater around my waist and ran ahead with Lucy. Both of us giggling and feeling so free. The air was turning warm, filling with voices, more voices then either of us had heard since leaving London.

Coming up to the camp grounds full of Narnian soldiers we slow and fall back to stand with Susan and Peter, staring at the larger creatures in mild fright. A horn gets blown from the hill, causing me to jump slightly and look around. Quickly getting lost in the surroundings of it all, it felt like a dream, more than any dream I’d actually had.

The further we walked into the camp, the more I felt at home in Narnia, in those moments I couldn’t imagine being anywhere else. Coming up to one of the largest tents around, several people had come to follow us in and Peter slows to a stop before pulling his sword lamely,

“We have come to see Aslan,”

He spoke awkwardly and looked around to check her was doing the right thing. Behind us the army took a knee and bowed their heads, my heart started to race and I looked to Peter to see what to do. He lowered his sword and faced the tent, so we all remained standing as Aslan, the great lion came out of his tent then and only then did we go to our knees and bow.

He was the most incredible creature I’d ever seen.

“Welcome Peter, son of Adam. Welcome Susan, Lucy and Maude, daughters of Eve. And welcome to you Beavers, you have my thanks, but where it the fifth?”

We then stood and Peter cleared his throat slightly,

“It’s why we're here sir. We need your help.”

I shift awkwardly and glance at Susan,

“We had a little trouble along the way.”

“Our brother has been captured by the white witch.”

Aslan nods his head slightly,

“Captured? How could this happen?”

Mr. Beaver steps forward, folding his paws,

“He betrayed them, your majesty.”

The army behind us quickly gets into an uproar, turning I look over my shoulder at them all, feeling worried they wouldn’t trust us or help Edmund. Peter looks around before standing up straighter,

“It’s my fault really. I was too hard on him.”

I take Lucy’s hand as we move to stand around Peter,

“We all were... But sir, he’s out family.”

I finally spoke up for the first time and none of them disagreed with me,

“I know young one, but that only makes the betrayal worse. This may be harder than you think.”

Aslan nodded towards Peter and they walked off together before several women, including Mrs. Beaver escorted Susan, Lucy and I to get changed into clothes better suited for Narnia. Along with getting washed up.

They were gentle and showed their care before letting the three of us have our space to clean up, giggling like mad women. That was until the wolves came, chasing us into a tree. It felt like for a few minutes the war was miles away, either war was miles away and yet here it was trying to eat us alive. The wolf tried to kill Peter but he got the better of him, which amazed all but Aslan. He knew Peter could do it before we did.

As the sun began to set, we all were settling in at camp the best we could, waiting for news on Edmund. We all cared and even thought I had little chance to get to know him, there was a connection to this family of strangers and I was coming to really care for them. When he did come back, the past was in the past, in more ways than one and we all showed him we cared for him.

Once we were all fed and rested, training began and even though it was deadly serious I don’t think I have ever had more fun in my life. It was truly a change in fate. Narnia was better than any dream and it’s real. The war was soon though and tensions were high, higher so when the White Witch came for Edmund’s blood. We knew the battle would be soon and that was when I started to get genuinely scared.

Our tents were quiet that night, the anticipation for tomorrow was building and I was completely unable to sleep. Much like the night I’d left London or the night my father died. Gently opening the bad, I push around the spare supplies inside and pull out the pocket watch, it was quietly ticking away. I could hear the swish of fabric from outside and sit up at the same time as Lucy. She gets up and quickly wakes us Susan. I get up and gather my stuff, pulling on a cloak and following the girls out.

The three of us followed Aslan quietly, sneaking behind him. It was another odd circumstance, being out in the middle of the night felt so normal here but in London it would have been just dangerous. We followed several feet behind and hid behind trees while trying to remain unseen. Aslan stalled and glances back,

“Shouldn’t you three be in bed.”

We kind of looked at each other before stepping forward and closer to him, I messed with the edge of my cloak,

“We couldn’t sleep.”

“Please Aslan, couldn’t we come with you?”

Susan kept her voice down and we all walked up to stand around him,

“I would be glad of the company, for a little while.”

We stood with him, I brushed a hand over his mane, incredible worried about him and why we were out in the night,

“Thank you.”

His voice was rough and he sounded far older than any of could have guessed or even preserved. I wrap my fingers through his fur, holding onto him while we walked.

The four of us walked for several miles in silence, just listening to the sounds of the night, Narnia was very different then England and the night air smelled of flowers.

“It is time. From here, I must go alone.”

“But Aslan-”

“You have to trust me. For this must be done. Thank you, Susan. Thank you, Lucy. Thank you, Maude. And farewell.”

He turned away from us and continued walking, I looked to Susan and Lucy wanting to know what they planned to do before I followed Aslan myself. He was out friend and wherever he was going, he shouldn’t be alone. Susan rested a hand on Lucy’s shoulder before nodding and hurrying a different direction. Biting my lip, I hurried to follow them, resting a hand on the hilt of my sword so it wouldn’t swing all over the place.

We came up and crouched behind a fallen tree, to see torches and part of the witch's army surrounding some stone structure. We looked at each other but stayed put, too shocked by the scene to do much of anything. I covered my mouth when they knocked him down, starting to tie him up. This is what the witch was capable of and it was terrifying.

“Why doesn’t he fight back?”

I looked at Susan then to Lucy, thinking about something I’d been told by my father, ‘A real leader, when he sees mistakes being made will talk to the mistake maker, not punish them but lift them up so they learn.’ I looked back towards where bound him.

It went silent for a moment before they started to band their weapons on the ground, I was shaking from both fear and anger. They were going to hurt him and there was nothing we could do.

“Tonight, the deep magic will be appeased! But tomorrow, we will take Narnia forever!”

We couldn’t hear what she said after that, my heart was racing till she shouted again,

“Die!”

It was like my whole world stopped, like all of Narnia held its breath as the great lion died. Tears fell down my face and I kept my hand over my mouth, preventing my own screams. Turning slightly, we all fell and held onto one another desperately. Sobbing into our fallen embrace.

We held onto each other until the witch and her troops were gone, then we made our way to Aslan, resting as if asleep on the stone table. We sat with him, wanting nothing more for him to wake up when we drifted to sleep on him, protecting his remains.

I woke up when the sun began to rise, brushing my fingers over Aslan with his shaved fur. It brought more tears to my eyes, though I hadn’t known Aslan long he had become a dear friend. Susan sits up and looks around, rubbing her eyes before gently shaking awake Lucy.

“We should go.”

She stepped down from the stone table and went to help Lucy, I jumped down with them shivering from the breeze.

“It’s so cold.”

Lucy and I spoke nearly at the same time, I wrapped my cloak around myself, trying to feel the warmth of spring that had just existed yesterday. Walking down the steps and away from this place, we all glances back before continuing forward. Then the ground shook and cracked, I fell to my knees.

“Susan!”

I turned to Lucy and followed where she looked before standing, gawking at the broken and empty stone table.

“Where’s Aslan?”

“What have they done?”

I brushed my fingers along the broken edge of the table, my heart aching before the sun shined in my eyes, blinking I looked toward it and my breath was taken away.

“Aslan!”

We all ran towards him, the past hours of heart ache washing away, the warmth of spring returning, the fear of a life without Aslan vanishing. I held onto his fur, listening to him but just so thankful he was alive.

“Climb on my back, we have far to go and little time to get there. You all may want to cover your ears.”

Lucy and I grinned at each other before climbing on behind Susan, then I covered my ears as Aslan roared his mighty roar. While a battle waged in a far-off field, we saved those who'd been turned to stone by the witch. Even helping in the battle, with Aslan on our side it was like they surrendered. Though our hearts stopped again when Edmund was wounded, my bag of holding had no healing properties but Lucy had that within the bottle at her waist.

Our family of five saved Narnia that day and our army traveled east, to the shining castle of the five thrones. Cair Paravel on the eastern ocean.

The halls shine and the thrones glittered, the say we were crowned was one of beauty, all of us dressed in the finest of clothes Narnia could offer. This castle was our home, a place built for us, and we didn’t know for so long. We walked with Aslan up to the thrones the first time, seeing a beautiful future ahead of us. Peter went to the middle throne, with Susan on his right and Edmund on his left, Lucy was on the other side of Susan and I was on the other side of Edmund.

“To the glittering eastern sea, I give you Queen Lucy, the Valiant.”

My heart was racing, it felt so unreal and perfect, Mr. Tumnus rested Lucy’s crown upon her head.

“To the vast central fields, I give you Queen Maude, the Thoughtful.”

Looking to Lucy, I was smiling before facing front again as Mr. Tumnus brought me my own crown to wear, I smile at him, having gaps in my teeth from where I’d lost them previously.

“To the great western wood, King Edmund, the Just... To the radiant southern sun, Queen Susan, the Gentle... And to the clear northern sky! I give you High King Peter, the magnificent.”

We all took a step back and sat on our thrones, hearts racing and smiles bright.

“Once a King or Queen of Narnia, always a King or Queen. May your wisdom grace us until the stars rain down from the heavens.”

Then the celebration started and Aslan left us, not for forever, but he was no tame lion. There was music and dancing, Edmund and I danced for quite a while, laughing and loving Narnia. The celebrations lasted for several days then came the time to actually rule and learn what that meant, but we were all ready for the challenge.

Most of that first spring and summer, we didn’t spend within the castle walls or even with each other. Away learning of the places in Narnia we were to all rule over, firstly the ones we were crowned for then to learn of the others to a lesser extent.

The vast central fields had once been covered in snow, with no one living there and now, farms were returning and people moves back to the homes of their ancestors. I learned how to tend plants and prep ground, spending that first spring and summer barefoot in the fields with Narnians and learning of my place in this world. Just as the others did, Lucy was upon ships learning to sail and fish, Edmund was in the woods learning to hunt and trade, Susan was in the south with larger villages learning the way their traditions held, and Peter spent his time in the north learning the ways of battle, how to be a predator instead of pray.

We saw each other nearly every week non the less, growing together and learning so much, and when fall came around we all returned to Cair Paravel and if anything, the time apart brought us closer together. The fall was cooler than the spring and people began to get scared, we did a little but we knew the witch was gone and that seasons were a normal and regular thing.

It was mid fall and I was practicing my sword work with Edmund down in one of the courtyards, Lucy sat on an old stump watching us work when it started to hail. At first none of us noticed it, to focused on our own activities. The ground started to turn white and it began to get cold, I looked to Edmund and my heart began racing. I could see the fear in his eyes, sliding my sword into its sheath before grabbing his hand and then Lucy’s pulling them inside.

“Peter! Susan!”

My call was more of a shriek, both Edmund and Lucy were stiff even as I dragged them further into the castle, trying to remember where the common room was, hoping that there would be a fire in there. I could hear running footsteps but my nerves were already on edge so I shove the other two behind me and draw my sword again, on Peter. He lifted his arms up in the air.

“Easy their soldier, what's the matter?”

Lowering it slowly, my hands were shaking.

“Peter, I... it started snowing.”

His eyes widen and he nodded, taking Lucy’s hand when she hurried to him.

“It’s going to be alright. Just a small storm. It’s winter then spring, it won’t last forever. When Aslan shakes his mane, there will be spring again. Well that already happened so there will be another spring.”

We might be kings and queens, but we were all still children. The winter we’d walked into left each of us scared in more ways than one. Peter led us to the common room and stoked the fire, making it far warmer than it needed to be but we could see the hail through the windows still. I sat on one of the many cushions and stared out the window at the hail before getting back up.

Lucy and Edmund sat by the fire, both kind of shivering. It was the first time we’d experienced cold since the White Witch was alive, we all assumed it would be bad. Looking at them I follow Peter out of the room, knowing he’d need help, knowing the Narnian’s would react just as badly or worse. Catching up quickly I take his hand and look up at him.

“To the first fall.”

He nods and squeezes my hand gently.

“To the first fall... You doing alright Maude?”

Smiling was a slight struggle, but I shrug.

“I’ll be alright. We have things to take care of anyways.”

He frowned and brushed his hand over my hair.

“You’re just as young as Lucy, yet you act like an adult... You should be in there with them.”

Smiling shyly, I kick at the skirt of my dress.

“I can sit on a throne and pretend to be warm. Back... somewhere I... I used to pretend to be warm.”

He nods slowly and stops me, turning me back around.

“Well go enjoy the warmth and comfort of the common room. Susan and I can handle the politics for a while.”

He took off my crown for a second, ruffling my hair before putting it back on my head. I smiled at him and walked back to the common room, feeling a bit sad by his reaction to me.

Returning to the room it was a livelier then when I left it, Mr. Tumnus taking up residents inside to join the warmth. Music was playing quietly and Lucy was back to her happy self, though Edmund still was staring out the window.

That winter was colder than any day in the last hundred years, blizzards were horrific and the only ones leaving Cair Paravel was Peter and Susan. Most of the that winter the three of us sat on our thrones and dealt with the politics that could come through the snow to the castle. Most nights we slept in the common room, dragging the feather beds from our rooms to sleep near the warmest fire.

Then we had spring again, when the snow melted away, the Narnians celebrated like we had won the war all over again, naming the celebration after us. A celebration of spring that would happen every year after. Anything before our lives in Narnia faded to void, feeling as if it were nothing more than a dream. My father’s pocket watch remained in the bottom of my bag for years.

When Mr. Tumnus told us of the white stags return to Narnia and what it could it, it wasn’t a question of if we’d go on the hunt, more so when we would go on the hunt. I spent time laughing with Lucy while we packed simple things of food and supplies for the trip. Brushing a hand through my hair I sighed heavily, my thoughts elsewhere for a moment.

“Maude, are you alright?”

It was Edmund who asked, having come up to put his bag on Phillip. I turned to him, smiling slightly shyly before nodding.

“Yes, quite alright just thinking of what we would wish for is all.”

That wasn’t what I was thinking about of course, but Edmund didn’t need to know what I was thinking.

“I think we’re all thinking that.”

He grins before being shoved by Peter as he came out to the stables with Susan. I laugh before climbing onto my own horse, Lillian. She was a beauty but no longer was one who liked my risky habits in battle.

“Are we going to stand around all day or go find this stag?”

With a shout of agreement, the others all climbed onto their horses and ran off ahead of Lillian and me. The wind blew through my hair as the horses' hurries through the woods, my braids catching in my crown.

The five of us were laughing like loons, loving the feeling of late summer early fall. We road for an hour before the white stag was spotted, it kept bouncing in and out of view. I was taking up the back of the line as usual, being the youngest among five royals didn’t often have its perks.

Lillian slowed and I pulled on the reins to make her stop, seeing her shortness of breath I slid off her back in a fluid motion. Patting her side, I smile brightly.

“Take a rest Lillian, I can run for a while. Catch up when you can.”

She bowed her head gravely.

“Thank you, your highness.”

Nodding firmly, I run ahead to try and catch up with the others. Soon being able to hear their voice I pick up the pace before nearly running smack into Edmund and Phillip.

“Have you all caught the stag without me?”

My smile was one of mischiefs' sarcasm but looking at all their faces it told me something was likely wrong. A lamppost stood in the area all alone.

“Spare ‘Oom.”

Lucy’s voice was quiet but the name rang a bell to me, as if from a dream. Then Lucy took off into the dense forest.

“Oh, not again!”

Peter shouted before the other three followed. Scowling I move to go around the dense trees to catch them all on the other side, starting to grin once I reached the other side. Waiting. I waited for several minutes before heading in and coming out the other side in a different spot then I had thought, looking around quickly I turn to Phillip.

“Did they come out?”

All the horses shook their heads and my heart dropped, I hurry to Phillip and climb onto his back, grabbing the reins and turning him roughly.

“Back to Cair Paravel, we need to send out a search party. Who knows where they disappeared to in there...”

He took off as fast as he could manage, I clung desperately to the reins, my heart racing. I glance back at the lamppost till it was no longer visible through the trees. The winds whipped through my hair violently, the pit in my stomach became bottomless. Riding through the gates I got off quickly and ran for the doors, lifting my skirts to get there faster. It was already quieter in Cair Paravel, as if somehow the building knew it needed to be in hushed tones.

I found out search party quickly and they searched that area for hours, only coming out when they found four crowns. I stood before them, the only one wearing a crown among a land of thousands, for the first time in my life I didn’t know what to do.

Within the first year of the four royals going missing, Telmarnies declared war on Narnia and her allies. Although I had grown up in Narnia, I grew more in the next five years than I had when the other four remained. Narnia needed their High King, so that was what I became not by title but, someone who tried to rule like Peter had, yet I was not Peter. I went from being Queen Maude, the Thoughtful to Queen Maude, the Fierce.

I didn’t think the name suited me, but it stuck soon after the first few battles on Narnian soil began. For five years, I ruled and controlled an army, one that was being slaughtered daily and yet would still choose to fight for someone so unskilled. I tried so hard to be the others, to know how the five of us worked together and make that into one person and I thought I succeeded.

We signed a treaty, giving both armies peace for the holiday, trying to negotiate what they wanted with Narnia. Time to recuperate and see what assets we had. I sat in my throne most of that day, trying to figure out what to do. Our armies were hungry and tired, there was no sign of true peace on the horizon and if we surrendered then everything any Narnian stood for would be lost.

It was late and I brought my things down to the treasury, putting my sword and bag within my chest. Looking around my heart ached at the faces that looked towards mw, if only they knew I was trying my best.

Returning to my room, I fell into a deep sleep.

Awakened in the middle of the night by the castle shaking, shouts and screams were I the air as Cair Paravel was attacked.

“Your Highness!”

A fawn girl came running in and grabbed my arms, pulling me from my bed and pushing me towards the door.

“You must hide your highness, run and hide!”

I pull away from her grip and rest my hands on her shoulders, trying to calm her down.

“Why? I have a duty to protect Cair Paravel!”

She shook her head and began to push me again.

“They are after your life, they called for you and want your head on a pike!”

I grit my teeth, my anger beginning to boil, I went to reach for where my sword would typically rest at my waist only to remember I had foolishly left it in the treasury.

“They’ve already invaded the lower levels! You must go!”

“I cannot-”

“They don’t want just your head! Their monsters in men's clothing, please your highness, for the future of Narnia you must go.”

Nodding slowly, I head down the stairs, hearing my soldiers fight down in the throne room. I ran into the people I cared for most as they were both trying to fight and flee; Mr. Tumnus and the Beavers wished the same for me as the fawn girl did. Dressed in merely a night gown, taking a small bag of food from Mrs. Beaver, I fled. The head of my guard waited with Astrid, our fasted horse.

“Go your Majesty. Astrid will bring you someplace safe and hopefully return with you in the morning.”

I nodded and climbed on, giving the familiar centaur a hug.

“Till morning then.”

Gripping the reins Astrid took off through the side gates, running out into the trees. We were barely out of the gate when the Telmarine army was upon us. Arrows were shot at Astrid and I, horrible words shouted, and large dogs barked. I leaned down to give Astrid more speed, trying to avoid the flying arrows. Looking back, I could see Cair Paravel was under siege and many parts ablaze, including the tower I had called home. An arrow lands in my shoulder, making me shout and I fall off Astrid, thankful for the darkness as the Telmarine continue to follow her instead of noticing me.

Once they were past, I stand and pull the arrow from my shoulder, pressing a hand to it as I cursed all Telmarine especially their King Caspian. Continuing inland, my shoulder bled through the white gown. Pain wracked my body and I longed for my bag of holding, full of bandages along with other medical supplies.

Silent asking for a sign of a way to fix this I kept walking, coming into a ring of light, then nearly smack into the lamppost.

Turning quickly to face that patch of woods my heart sank and I looked around.

“Are you telling me to leave? Or will I find the others in there?”

There was nothing but silence. I face those woods and sigh, then turn to try and see Cair Paravel. All I could see through the trees was the light from the fire, my heart sank.

“Spare ‘Oom it is then...”

I turn back to the dense patch of woods and head in. It turned from trees to fur, then I ran into people all complaining before five of us toppled out of the wardrobe.

Memories quickly flood back, feeling more recent then the last twenty years I had lived in Narnia. Looking around quickly I smiled at Edmund, all of us smiling at each other before the door opened and the Professor walked in.

“What were you all doing in the wardrobe?”

Peter looked around at all of us before looking back to the professor.

“You wouldn’t believe us if we told you sir.”

He tossed the cricket ball back to Peter, the one that had broken the stained glass all that time ago, smiling and crouching down some.

“Try me.”

Quickly everyone breaks out into the tale of our life in Narnia, I kept my mouth shut only thinking about how Narnia would be taken over if we couldn’t get back soon. Wrapping Edmund in a hug I watch Peter and Lucy explain it all, the fifteen years we had lived there.

It shocked me to understand they thought I’d followed them into Spare ‘Oom, the five years I had lived without them completely unknown to them. The story lasted well into the night, till we all got tired and were helped to bed.

I didn’t even lay in bed for more than twenty minutes before I snuck down to the wardrobe with Lucy, trying to get back into Narnia.

“I don’t think you’ll get back in that way.”

I turn quickly with Lucy, facing the Professors who was sat in a chair in the corner of the room. Not a word even had to pass our lips before he answered the silent question.

“Well you see, I’ve already tried.”

“Will we ever go back?”

My voice was quiet and full of pain.

“Well I expect so, it will probably happen when you’re not looking for it.”

He offers each of us his hands, so we take them and start to head out of the room.

“I’ll say, it’s best to keep your eyes open.”

We left the spare room. The only sounds other than our footsteps was my fathers pocket watching ticking, making noice for the first time in a long time.

He helped us back to bed, then went to bed himself. Neither of us could sleep, nor could Susan so we went to the boy's room where they had already dragged the mattresses off the beds to the floor, trying to get some rest. The three of us joined the two of them and were able to get some sleep, like the winter nights in the common room when rain would pelt the windows.

We spoke of Narnia often those first few days, going outside and practicing with the professor's swords and armor, much to the distaste of Mrs. McCreedy. Soon enough though the memories of England grew stronger than the ones of Narnia, though none of us forgot. Feeling older than we were but young enough to still play.

Within months the Pevensies’ went back to London, I stayed with the professor while my mother was away in the war as a nurse, having completed her training soon before my grandmother passed. I studied and learned with the professor, we talked of Narnia often and only he knew that Cair Paravel had fallen.

The world of Narnia was mysterious and glorious, when they all saw and all believed, when we lived their we brought peace to the land.

#cairparavelnet #cairparavelnet:JuneEvent #narnia #narnia fic #narnia x OC #MaudeAu

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