#engie is the sam. to me

[mail-me-a-snail]

helmet party is very sam & max coded to me i think

[verchielmarch]

i love engineer teamfortress2

[papil0nglegs]

ok but like I loved ur mercy!reader post and considering my love for crossovers ESPECIALLY character interactions I was wondering if u could do more???

Nerf this!🐰

Tf2 x Dva!Reader

A/n: If you’re not familiar with Dva then I suggest watching the Dva Cinematic. It’ll sum her character up and she’s a fun one at that ^^. A lot of my tf2 x ow fics are platonic so unless I outright say that it’s romantic you can imagine it however you’d like, enjoy <33

Warnings: None

Divider creds: Sister-Lucifer on Tumblr

Engineer

Since you guys were forced to share a workshop it looks pretty similar to the bedroom from Sam and Cat, one side being dull and grey with little to no decorations while the other is pink with cute plushies/figurines around the place.

After a bit you grew closer, sitting around in silence while working on your projects got pretty awkward so it was about time before someone broke the ice.

“You ever name your bots?”

“Huh, don’t think so.. you?”

“Yes! I call her Tokki, she’s cute isn’t she?”

“And one hell of a shade of pink”

Engineer is really competitive when it comes to you, being that you both are engineers/inventors. You guys have fun 🫶

“That’s 10 kills! Can you do that grandpa?”

“Haha! Just wait til’ you see what my other babies can do”

Will gladly show you some old tricks that he’s learned over the years since he’s more experienced. Plus he’s the only person you’ll ever trust your dear Tokki with.

Speaking of which-your self destruct sequence is always done by him, any of the other mercs will FUMBLEEE

“how do I friggin do this?? Is there like a joystick I can move around?”

•

“Too many dæm buttons on this zing! I zon’t know what I’m doing”

•

“pulls out glasses your mouse controls the small pointer on ze screen, use it to-WHAT DOES ANY OF THIS MEAN?”

“IT MEANS YOU’RE STUPID HEAVY.”

Interactions/Voicelines 🎤

Team kill with Self Destruct

“How’s that for a shade of pink?”

•

“Definitely haven’t seen somethin’ like that in my years.”

•

“Thanks Tae-I mean!-Engie!!”

Domination

“Too slow, peepaw!”

•

“Hope that wasn’t hard on your arthritis -3-“

Medic

Medic gets so excited when you’re on a mission with him. Loves pocketing you, partly because you’re the nicest when it comes to asking for help

“CMON THEN DOCTOR”

“HURRY ON DOCTOR”

“DOCTOR, HEAL NOW”

“heals plss 😚”

He also enjoys how you’re full of surprises, he thought you were gonna die when your mech broke down but no! You jumped out that thing and pistol whipped the whole team’s faces off like the diva you are.

“PISTOL TO THE FACE!!”

“Y/n slow down 🙂”

He loves you but you overstimulate him.

Interactions/Voicelines 🎤

Ubering

“LETS GO!”

•

“RAHHH!! GET OUTTA MY GAME!”

Spawn Interactions

“You gonna surprise me out there, Hase?”

“Of course! You know I always do ^.^”

•

“Nett mech”

“Nett coat!!”

“Aw, vy thank you”

Spy

This ho won’t stop talking shit. Every time he opens his mouth about you it’s him complaining about how “you’re too young to be on this team” or “your ‘experience’ with video games doesn’t serve a war” or “stop playing video games y/n we’re in the middle of battle”.

He avoided you for the most part until you decided to make some small talk while you both awkwardly stood in an elevator, big mistake 😬

“I bet your gun does a ton of DPS”

“Must you always muster up your video game vocabulary with reality?”

“Must you always be so petty?? 😒 old Frenchie fuck you and your dps gun”

Clearly he’s not fond of youngin’s joining the team. Though he does find you more “tolerable” than scout since you at least have some experience with fighting in a war (kinda)

He hates that he has to crawl to you for tech help, he doesn’t know what he’s doing-you’re the tech expert!!

“Y/n.. something is wrong with the radio.”

“..oookkayyy??”

“Can you help?”

“LOL!!”

Meetings with you always end up in him taking your game console away, he just won’t leave you alone 🙄

“Hey! I was in the middle of beating a boss!!”

“You’ll have it back once you listen to what I have to say, girl.”

“Ughh fine”

Interactions/Voicelines 🎤

Spawn interactions

“Don’t you think your little pink robot will be a distraction?”

“That’s.. just the way I like it!”

Blaster light gun kill

“See that, Spy? Pure skill.”

Spy callout

“Ping!Ping!Ping! Spy around here!!”

[miintsprigz]

Hi! I was wondering if I could ask for the Demo, Engie, and Heavy for the fear-punch prompt if that's okay. Thank you!

FINALLY WRITING THIS. I appreciate your patience so much, Anon. It means the world to me.

GN!Reader fear punching the Mercs, part 2

Characters: Demoman, Engineer, Heavy (Team Fortress 2)

Warnings: uh some stuff relating to anxiety/panic attacks, cuz fear response.

Part 1 can be found linked below!

Demo ⚔️

You finally had the base to yourself, or at least, you thought so. Everyone had been all up in arms lately, it was just exhausting. Having fixed a cup of your preferred hot drink, you went to walk back to your room.

A door suddenly opened loudly behind you, and with your free hand, you swung, not even registering what you were doing until your fist made contact.

“Hey—oof!”

Your mug clattered to the floor, breaking and spilling everywhere.

“Demo!?”

“…oh! Did I scare ya there? Sorry ‘bout that!” His eye caught the mess on the floor as you tried to catch your breath.

“…now, that won’t do—”

“Tav, lemme—”

“No, no; I scare you, you drop it, tis only fair that I clean up the mess—”

Stumbling over to the closet to grab a broom, mop, whatever else he might need—still a little hungover—Tavish got to taking care of it in no time. He worked with surprising efficiency.

“Now, we oughta replace that drink o’ yours.”

“…Tav, I’m sorry.”

“Wha? Whatever for?”

“…I punched you…” Your voice shook a bit. The guy had only just woken up, and you’d socked him in the face.

He seemed confused at first, then touched the side of his face that you’d struck tenderly, realizing.

“Ah…that ya did.”

“I’m sorry…”

“Oh no, no! That’s alright, luv. Sometimes ya just get spooked. Used to do it to me mum all the time.”

“Really?”

He smiled in a somewhat tired sort of way. “Yup. Ya’d think I’d be more careful, especially cuz she couldn’t see me, but I guess I sorta forgot m’self there.”

Demo gave you a pat on the back, gentler than the usual. “Sorry ‘bout that. I’ve definitely knocked a few lads on the floor m’self, so trust me, I get it.”

“Thanks, Demo.”

“O’course, mate!” Your hair was lightly ruffled, and you couldn’t help but chuckle. “Want me to help ya replace that drink though? Heh, maybe I’ll make one for me, too!”

“That might be good. Do you want some ice though?”

“…nah, nah I think I’m good.”

Engineer ⚙️

It had been such a long day. You were more exhausted than you’d thought you were capable of being.

So when you arrived back at home base, you basked in the peace and quiet and decided to kick back and read for a bit.

Hearing sudden rapid, thundering footsteps, however, your adrenaline skyrocketed again, and so when the “intruder” inevitably entered…your adrenaline did the work.

The Engineer bursted into the room, clearly quite excited about something he was working on.

“Ah, (Y/N), c’mon, I gotta show ya—agh!!”

Your eyes locked onto him, staring daggers in fright as he rubbed at his jaw, wincing.

“Now what in Sam Hill—oh. Oh no.”

Those wide, terrified eyes told him all he needed to know. He didn’t even realize how suddenly he’d come flying in…

“…oh, darlin’. I scared the daylights outta you…”

“A little…” Your voice came out as a squeak, and all at once, everything became all too much. Tears flooded your field of view.

“Honey, I’m so sorry…”

“I, I didn’t mean to hit you…”

“Shh shh shh, I know…I know, I’m okay… lemme just…”

Offering open arms to silently ask first, Engie wrapped you in a hug when you stepped closer, petting your hair softly. He didn’t say anything really, aside from the occasional coo of reassurance that it really was okay.

There was a slight sway to him as he held you, trying to soothe the sudden rush of anxiety he’d accidentally triggered.

You knew, but between the fright and the guilt you felt for socking him in the face like that when he was just excited about something…you couldn’t help but cry for a minute or two.

After a bit, he pulled back, looking almost as though he could cry himself.

“I’m…sorry about that. I wasn’t thinkin’. I know ya had a long day, I just…”

“You were just excited to show me something.” With one last sniffle, you smiled over at him. “It’s okay.”

“…would ya still wanna see? I get it if uh, you’d rather have some time alone…”

“No, no! I’d love to see…”

That warm smile returned to his face once again. “You promise you’re alright?”

“I promise, Dell.”

With a nod, he took your hand sweetly. “Well alrighty. I think you’ll really love this, (Y/N), I’ve been tinkerin’ with this new feature for weeks, and I think I finally got it down!”

Chuckling, you followed after him, feeling your frantic heart slowing once again as his fingers gave your hand a light squeeze.

Heavy 🥪

You are in the thick of it now—bombs flying all over, a hail of bullets seemingly around every corner.

Truthfully? It was too much. But you had no intention of letting the enemy team know that.

Although it seemed cowardly to you, you ducked behind a corner for a minute to just…exist uninterrupted for a moment.

Your overwhelming didn’t go unnoticed though. Help was on the way…but you were unfortunately not able to fully recognize it.

A tap on your shoulder sent the tension building in your mind over the edge. Your fist made contact with the stiff gray of Heavy’s protective vest.

“(Y/N)! Is only me! Do not be afraid. Am here to help you.” Thankfully, the person you’d struck was basically a brick house. He had hardly felt it. He didn’t look angry…actually, he seemed worried.

“Uh…Heavy?!” “Da, it is me.”

“Well. I punched a friend. Great…” Looking down at your hands as you went to pick your dropped weapon up, they were shaking.

“Hold one moment, (Y/N).”

One huge hand carefully cradled yours, holding it steady.

“All due respect, I am giant man. Is very hard to hurt me. So do not feel so bad, okay?”

You tried to breathe, and it caught in your throat. Carefully setting Sasha to the side for a moment, Heavy looked down at you. Even with the chaos nearby, his eyes were so soft when he looked at you.

“Take deep breath.”

You followed that direction as best as you could.

“Very good. Again?”

It got easier.

“Perfect. Battlefield can be scary place…I know that too. Is okay to be afraid.”

He gave you a quick hug—it seemed he really was full of surprises today. His hand practically covered your shoulder as he gave it a pat when you pulled apart again.

“You need minute? Heavy is here! Giant man is on your side, remember?”

Now that you thought about it, maybe you’d be a little more prepared if you had a minute or two to yourself. “…could I just take a second back here out of range? I know it’s kinda chicken of me—”

“Not at all, (Y/N)! What do you think I carry sandvich for! Even big strong man need break. Smaller strong one like you no different.”

To your surprise, he actually handed you half of the tasty treat in question.

“Here. Enjoy, eat, and do not worry.” Picking up his minigun, Misha gave you a determined smile. “Heavy and Sasha will crush anyone who move too close until you are ready.”

If you weren’t where you were right now, it honestly might have made you cry. “Thanks, Heavy.”

“Of course, (Y/N). You are very important to me, you know that?”

A bit of warmth rushed into your face as he gave you one last grin before walking back out from behind your little shelter to face the opposing team.

“That’s right, I AM BACK! YOU MAY NOW RUN AWAY! HAHAHAHAHA!”

You couldn’t help but chuckle as you took a bite of the sandwich and breathed easy, knowing nobody would get within range of you anytime soon.

Whew! I hope that was good, Anon. I had fun writing it. I’d love more Heavy, Demo, and Pyro requests! I don’t write for them much but they’re a lot of fun!

[tf2fansderogatory]

muppets team fortress two. whos who

okokok hi i'm awake from my slumber did someone say muppets. i have some thoughts

scout is rizzo the rat because small weird man with a lot of siblings. what else do you want me to say. i'm right

medic is miss piggy because, and i'm quoting bungus here, "that bitch is glamorous"

demo is rowlf the dog because you can't tell me that rowlf wouldn't be the ultimate drinking buddy, also the fact that they both play piano is just too perfect, this was one of my two immediate thoughts when i first saw this ask. other one was rizzo scout obviously

PYRO IS BEAKER. pyro is beaker. i don't need to explain this one

on that same thought track of pyro as beaker, engie is dr. bunsen honeydew, the concept of pyro being his lab buddy is something i've always loved and this plays directly into that concept. also honeydew would 100% do something like removing his own arm to give himself a mechanical prosthetic. they're both madlads is what i'm saying

i originally thought of sam eagle when considering soldier because america but no, aside from the america thing he's nothing like soldier. soldier is animal. what are you gonna do about it

look i dunno how to articulate how well sniper matches up with gonzo. they both dress like weird uncles, they're both lanky motherfuckers, they're both widely accepted by the transmasc community as "goals," they're just. you cannot fight me on this because i am not listening

i originally thought spy might be hard to place but then i remembered pepe the king prawn and i was like oh this is easy. scheming little bitch with a propensity for making innuendos. the only thing that doesn't match up here is that pepe has a really casual style of dress but if you put him in a suit then he's literally spy

oh shit i'm already at the last merc. uhm. man i'm honestly having trouble placing heavy, i think...just based on vibes alone i'd probably go with fozzie bear for him, he was my first thought because Obvious Bear Joke but then i thought more about it and i was like. yknow. fozzie's struggles to write jokes and just communicate in general kinda connects well with heavy's struggles to communicate in english as opposed to his native tongue of russian, like i feel like they're both guys who'd be understood a lot better if they just knew the right way to say something if that makes sense? i'm looking too deep into this though i'm sure most people will just be satisfied that i'm fulfilling the Obvious Bear Joke requirement lol

okay last one. i was originally frustrated that i couldn't pin anybody down as being kermit but then i had the brain blast that miss pauling would absolutely be kermit. they both serve the role of kinda being like the straight-man mediator that's also willing to participate in the shenanigans from time to time, like go listen to miss pauling's contract voice lines and tell me she doesn't fit that description

anyway thank you for this ask!! i haven't had this much of an urge to write about the funny teufort people in a hot minute so this was nice heehee

[agereoneshots]

can you write some spy trying REALLY hard to continue doing his job while regressed but is seriously struggling

Spy pouted. Of COURSE he had to regress before a match! Engineer had ran off before Spy could tell him. Spy took a deep breath. He could do this, he was a professional afterall!

Spy could not do it. He cloaked until he found Engineer.

"What in the sam- Spy!?" Engineer was startled when Spy suddenly hugged him from behind. Spy let go.

"Sowwy..."

"Are you little?" Engineer asked. Spy nodded.

"Let's get you back to base. I won't be able to stay with you the whole time, but I'll be with you as much as I can. Ok?" Spy pouted but nodded. He didn't want Engie to leave him but he understood that he had to be on the battlefield. Engineer got Spy back to base and settled his room with a pacifier and some toys.

"I'll be back as often as I can. Can you be a good boy for me?" Spy nodded. He would be the bestest boy ever!

[medics-secret-shipfic-folder]

TF2 + Snapcube Sonic Real-time Fandub Quotes

This is mainly just Cheavy with Eggman's lines.

Sniper, holding a bar of Australium: Do you know where the closest Hot Topic is?

Scout: Hey! Put that down! That's an expensive gold bar!

Sniper: GOLD DOESN'T GLOW, DICKNIPS!

-

Cheavy: *loud sigh* I miss my Medic, Frankenstein. I miss him a lot. I'll be back.

Medic: ???????????

-

Cheavy, to the RED team in New Zealand: It seems you bitches have come to a standstill in fuckin' Atlantis. You have 13 seconds before the island fucking explodes you Hot-Topic wannabe and you red-gumball sons-of-bitches! You have done nothing but ruin my life and I hope you all DIE!

-

Soldier: HOW THE FUCK DID WE GET TO EGYPT!?

-

Cheavy: Hey bitches! Didn't expect to see me, did ya?

Medic: Oh hey, Cheavy. Some weird guy named Gray-

Cheavy: Frankenstein, I have had enough of you! You took my Medic, you fucked my crops - I'm taking your life! AND THE AUSTRALIUM!

-

Engie: Hey, Medic, I have a question. Can you please explain to me how you fuck crops?

-

Spy: Scout, listen to me! I know who your father is! (dies)

Scout: DON'T YOU FUCKING LIE TO ME!

-

Cheavy: Get the fuck out or i'm shooting your Medic in the fucking face! I swear to god! I'll do it, you bitch! GET OUT!

-

Cheavy: Well honey your mascara is on fleek but we gotta get the fuck outta here cause the building's about to explode - RED STRIPES!? JET BOOTS!? OH MY GOD-

Medic: Don't worry, I can fly! This'll never be brought up again!

-

Cheavy: Frankenstein, please join me by my side and we'll rule the Earth together! You can stand by me even though I can't see SHIT through these fucking goggles-

Medic: No, because you're old.

Cheavy:

Medic: lol get rekt you old scrub-man. Anyways I'm gonna go fuck your Medic now.

Cheavy: WHAT!? You're not allowed to fuck my Medic! FRANKENSTEIN! GET YOUR ASS BACK HERE! FRANKENSTEIN! WHAT THE FUCK-

-

Cheavy: Now, to try to log onto my Twitter once more. Lets see if this computer works...

Computer: *welcome to Twitter.com*

Cheavy: *gasp* Doc! What have you been tweeting about...WHAT THE FUCK!? IS THAT FRANKENSTEIN'S DICK!?

Medic over the news: Hah! I fucked your Medic! Now if you'll excuse me, I've got other bitches to get into bed with. Isn't that right...uh, the Classic Medic? I'm sorry I don't know what to call you-

Cheavy: WHAT IN THE SAM HILL IS THIS-

-

Cheavy: I'M BACK IN THE FUCKING BUILDING AGAIN!? OH MY GOD-

-

Cheavy: I told you not to fuck my Medic!

Medic: And I did anyway! What're you gonna do about it, bitch?

-

Cheavy: Alright, since the RED team fucked my Medic, I need both of you as part of my team!

Bea: I mean, I guess that's fine. As long as I get my weed back, I don't care.

Cspy: I don't have a character motive.

Cheavy: Listen! We are going to explore this island and find Sniper! He has all the weed that you need! That ganja, that mary jane - MARAJAMIJ! All in his pockets! He is your local drug dealer and I am gonna blow up this island! Now go look for him, and hurry up!

-

Cheavy: What are you two FUCKING talking about!?

-

Heavy: I fucked your Medic. He's mine now.

Cheavy: WHAT IN THE ACTUAL SHIT-

-

Cheavy: I've come to make an announcement! FRANKENSTEIN IS A BITCH-ASS MOTHERFUCKER-

-

Medic: Oh hey look, it's Sniper. Hopefully he didn't hear me call his name. *calls Heavy* Hey, Heavy?

Heavy: What's up, baby?

Medic: I found Sniper. He's dead. You want me to punish him?

Heavy: No, don't do that. He's already dead.

Cheavy: WHY IS YOUR HEAVY ON THE SAME LINE AS THE VILLAIN LINE!?

-

Cheavy: WHO POSTED MY NUDES ON TWITTER.COM!?

-

Miss Pauling: I have this manual on how to hack into the Twitter headquarters just so I can post it to the whole world! So you better hurry up with your explanation before I just do it!

Medic: It looks like every Tetris block at once!

Cheavy, over the radio: HAVE YOU BEEN FUCKING TALKING ABOUT MY DICK AGAIN!? ON GOD, WHEN I SEE YOU AGAIN IT IS ON SIGHT! IT IS ON SIGHT-

Medic: Piss off. *hangs up* Anyways, begone thot.

[ruthytwoshakes]

oh heyyyyy guess who has gotten ,, 3 sleep hours in the past two days???? not me I actually got like 5. Feel bad for whoever got only 3

oh and uh I got no sleep because I have been very busy cleaning and packing and unpacking and more cleaning and driving and helping friends and not sleeping and

so I will not get to finish the last two days of the tf2 Valentine’s Day event on time. Sobbing crying. But that is okay 👍👍👍👍👍 I can finish them later this week yay. As an apology I have some sketches to share yay ,,,,,,, might have to make a part 2 hmmmmmm

okay so my idea for this was like,, soldier and engie keep their helmets and shit in because it’s like a ,, important thing to them idk you decide,,,, and uhh then they decide to take them off as a trust thingy,, and then spy happens. uhhh this was when I was still learning how to draw the mercs so it does not look too much like them but it’s fine. was supposed to be for the event. Might finish idk

A part 2 to my day 1 submission! I like the story kinda thingy I’ve come up with,, but I suck major ass at writing fanfics so I’ll just make some little comics eventually. I kinda gave up on this because I couldn’t pose it correctly and my random 2 am burst of energy ran out.

Saw the pose and immediately knew I had to draw them. Might make another version with demoman lmao

Made these quick sketches of the team being father figures or epic friends with scout,, uhhh got distracted and forgor to add pyro and sniper oops. Might finish!!

I LIED PROMISCUOUS GIRL,,, IM NOT GOING TO SHOW YOU MY TF2 SKETCHES. NOW TAKE A SEAT WHILE I SHOW YOU MY CHARACTERS INSTEAD B))

that is Sam and Flint, Sam is the cat perch and Flint is the cat. They are pirates and horrible,, I love them.

there ya go here’s some stuff,,,, original template by KillerCat on twit I think!!

all righty now that you’re hooked uhh look at the reblog for part two lol I couldn’t fit all the photos.

[i-luv-sweets]

|Troublesome| Engie x curious! reader

“Y/N, don’t touch that.” Bzzt “Ow!” Engie sighed while he worked on his teleporter. It was hard to focus when you were so curious.  Bzzt “Ack!” “Now why would you do that again?!” Putting down his wrench he turned around to see you sitting in a chair next to the exit teleporter. You held a nervous smile on your face making Engie shake his head. It wasn’t like he didn’t enjoy your company. It was just you never really look before you leap. You weren’t cautious and that scared him. Especially since you’re one of the few sane people in the base. Giving the texan a shrug you fiddled with your hands. “I just found a broken wire.” You mumbled out, your words not failing to reach Engie’s ears. He walked to your area and took a look at the exit teleporter. Indeed there was a broken wire, a the broken wire almost tied together. “Were ya tryin ta tie the wire back together?” He asked making you nod. He chuckled and patted your head. “Next taihm tell me ok? Don’t want ya hurt.” You sat on the edge of roof with Scout. Just hanging out for awhile, since Engie went to buy supplies. “So how’s dat egghead treatin ya?” Taking a sip of your drink, you started kicking your legs. “He’s fine, tries to make sure I don’t die.” You responded putting down the soda can. Scout hummed in understanding and started playing with his baseball. “Ya can take care of yerself doe right? Ya don’t need him.” He said tossing his ball up and catching it. You nodded at his words and kept kicking your feet gently. “Yeah I don’t, but it’s nice to get help from time to time.” Scout laughed lightly and rolled his eyes. “Whatever, ya need help cause ya ain’t as awesome as me!” It was your turn to roll your eyes. Gently hitting his shoulder you giggled. “Yeah right, says the one who screams medic when you have one cut.” The bostan grunted in annoyance before tossing his ball at you. “Whatever think fast.” However Scout failed to realize that he threw his ball at your face. You dodged the base ball but fell off the roof. “Y/N! OMG!” It felt like your stomach created a pit when you fell. Closing your eyes getting ready for the impact you were surprised when you felt yourself being held up. Opening your eyes you saw Engineer holding you. His expression holding fear and worry. “Hi Engie...Sorry for dropping in haha...” You said nervously and looking up at the roof for Scout. Sure enough the young man was still there staring in utter shock and relief. “Oh my God Y/N, I am so sorry.” He called out to you. You smiled at him and finally let go of the breath you didn’t know you were holding. “It’s fine Scout!” It was at this moment where Engie finally shook himself out of the trance he was in. Putting you down he glared up at the young man on the roof. “Now what in sam hill did ya think would happen boy?! Rough housin on a roof?! Ya got me pitchin a hissy fit now boy!” The texan started scolding Scout about how dangerous it was for you. Throughout the whole scolding Scout kept apologising. It was going back and forth until you placed a hand on his shoulder. “I’m fine Engie, you can let it go. He won’t do it again. Right Scout?” The boy nodded his head with a reassuring smile. Dell sighed and nodded going back to his truck to get his materials. You were hanging out with Pyro, while Engineer was in the background fixing a broken AC.  ”Mhm! hmmh, mphm.” They pyromaniac muffled out as he hugged his unicorn plushie in one arm while the other held a lighter. You smiled at him and nodded absent mindedly.  ”That’s nice Pyro.” The truth was you didn’t understand him much. But you just kept playing along to make him not feel alone. The childish pyro tapped both of his feet excitedly as he lit his lighter. The illuminating embers from the lighter putting a hypnotizing spell on you. It was understandable on why Pyro liked fires, they were pretty to look at. The blaze loving mercenary noticed your dazed look. He glanced at his lighter for a few moments before turning it off and handing it to you. ”Hm! mph mm!” He cheered while holding out his unlit lighter to you. Not hesitating, you happily took the lighter gently from his hand. Your eyes studied the small silver lighter box. To be frank you haven’t used one before. Since you never did smoke or light fires. Tilting your head you flipped the lid and stared at the nozzle where the fire came out. ”Huh, how does it work?” You muttered to yourself while Pyro seemed ecstatic that someone was interested in his lighter. “Mhm hm mh.” Pyro muffled his explanation and made a motion with his hand on how to start the lighter. Finally understanding what to do you gave him a beaming smile before placing your thumb on the button. However your left hand was too close to the nozzle when you lit it, causing the fire to burn you.  ”AGH!” You yelled out dropping the lighter to the ground. Pyro jumped up worried for you. Engineer who heard your cries rushed over to you, leaving the broken AC alone. ”Y/N! What happened?” He asked kneeling down to you. Pyro was upset and made muffled cries. Engie saw your burnt hand and pieced the situation together. The texan sighed and turned to Pyro. Patting his shoulder he handed Pyro his lighter. ”Cmon let’s get ya ta medic.” He spoke more concerned for you first. He will explain to Pyro later. It wasn’t like Pyro purposely hurt you anyways. Taking you to the Med Bay, Engie took glances at your burnt hand. Respiring out feeling his gaze, you decided to speak up. ”You’re staring, also i’m fine. Not as bad as other wounds.” You tried reassuring him. Now it was Engineer’s turn to sigh, he rubbed his face to relieve his tension. ”Y/N yer just not careful. Ah understand small injuries but what bout battle? Yer gonna get more serious injuries.”  Grasping your burnt hand you noticed the stressed look of the texan. ”You don’t have to worry about me Engie. I can take care of my own problems yknow? Don’t need to stress out.” Dell’s face contorted into profound thought. It was true that he didn’t need to take care of our problems. But it was like an instinct to tend to your hurt self. If he ever where to leave you hurt, he would feel a pit in his stomach and that feeling would amplify unless he did something. His thought process was cut short when they finally reached Med Bay. The visit wasn’t long since Medic used his MediGun. After thanking the doctor the two of you walked back to Pyro. ”Look ah’m sorry fer hoverin over ya a lot. But ah just can’t stand seein ya hurt.” Engie explained taking off his helmet and fidgeting with it. The action was almost amusing to you since he always had a coy look whenever he took it off. ”I understand, I’ll try not to get hurt Engie. Thanks for caring.” The engineer seemed dumbfounded at you. For once you actually listened to his mother hen rants. He gave you a broad smile and patted your back. “Well then, let’s go comfort pahro. Poor fella outta be in tears still.” You nodded your head with your own small smile. “Don’t want him to think i’m still hurt.”

[tf2-red-and-blu-engineers-acv]

💭 red

[Context.]

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[Loading completed!]

[Warning! Memory only seen by the muse that this user has! And since no one can stop the other users that see this, this is also visible to them as well.

There's no way to proof that so— SHUT— :^ yeaah the thingy above is pretty loose as hell.]

The world seems blurry. It's hard to see. There's the sound of muffled yelling. Yet there's no sense of fear, only holding a sense of familiarity. A hand reached up and pulled something off your eyes. Goggles. There's dust on the lenses. The world became clear again.

You're leaning on something. A Dispenser. You looked up to see the surroundings around you. A workbench and chair, boxs, a makeshift bed, a closet and drawer, you recognize this place. It's your workshop and room after all. The yelling didn't fade. Seems like Soldier was mad. Guess he wasn't too happy with losing today.

You pushed yourself off your building and let out a small yawn. Flopping into the chair and turning to face the Workbench, placing your goggles down. You don't know how long you have stood there. But it doesn't matter now. You had work to do.

A knock snapped you out of your workflow. Your head turning towards the noise. It didn't sound like it came from a door. More of a window. You only had one window, and it's currently had its curtains closed. Who the hell, in their right mind?

You reached out and grabbed something, which felt like a Pistol, and stood up. Heading over to the window and push open the curtains, immediately lifting your hand up to point the Pistol at whoever is outside. You paused for a moment. Squinting for a moment before words started to fall from your mouth.

“ Now what in sam hill are ya doin' here? ”

A BLU. And not just any BLU. It was you. Your counterpart. It's weird, seeing someone that looks just like you be your enemy. Someone you kill daily. They visibly jerked back at the sight of your weapon, but simply clench his fist and sighed. Knocking on the window again. Did he have a death wish?...Oh, right, he probably can't hear you. Silly Engie. You reached out and pushed the window sill up, still pointing the Pistol at your counterpart.

“ Ah'm givin' ya ten seconds to tell me why you're here before ah fill ya with lead. ”

“ The Administrator wants us. ”

It was immediate.

“ And why would ah trust your word? ”

There was a pause. Before the BLU reached into his belt pouch and pulled out a Mann Co contract. Showing you that he is, indeed, telling the truth. Signed by the Administrator and everything. Yet a good part of it was redacted.

“ Miss Pauling was busy. ”

Another pause. You put down the Pistol. Just why was it you and him? It could have been anyone else, why your counterpart?

“ ...when and where? ”

“ Tomorrow. Seven(7) AM sharp. Mann Co office. ”

They put the contract back into his belt pouch.

“ Ah'll see ya there, 'partner.' ”

It turned and immediately walked off. You didn't bother to stop them. Simply closing the window and pulling the curtains close.

...you have a lot to think about.

[Exiting Memory...]

[Exit complete!]

[allstarsstorymode867]

All-STARS -STORY MODE- CHAPTER 18 PART 2

Part 3

Part 1

This is a continuation of the first part.

-Back to the rest of the Group in the hardware store-

10:48

“Do any of you believe in the existence of evil?”

Ash had asked the whole group that question after they got back without U!Takeo, after they had to explain what had happened back in Wonderland Plaza. “A force of nature capable of giving rise to all things wicked?” his back was back to everyone with his hands on his hips when he asked further, waiting for an answer.

“Most of us do.” Primis Richtofen answered as he was seated on a crate he shared with the Engineer, “Back in 1918, before the end of World War I, me, Doctor Maxis und our men had gone to Excavation Site 64, we had uncovered an ancient tomb vith large amounts of Element 115 inside, from vhat ve had found is very likely from zhe middle ages, zhe statues zhat looked exactly like us und elemental stones zhat can be used by staffs.”

“It was long before we got involved, German.” Primis Nikolai growled in anger as he glared at him, “You and others had uncovered and created something that should never be unburied and undisturbed but you went ahead and unleashed the evil upon the land with no second thoughts!”

Diego was silent as Ash turned around to face them with his arms crossed, Engineer then spoke up “Before all of this, we had met and seen things on every Halloween, most of it was normal before but some of ‘em ain’t good.”

Ash looked at everyone as he explained “Guys, listen to me and what I had gone through in my own experience, alright?”

“It happened 30 years ago, my friends and I spended the night at the cabin,”

[Digitally drawn by Meaghan “Icefir” Halter, images, screenshots and movie poster belongs to Sam Raimi and the one and only; Bruce Campbell.]

The walls shown the memories of Ash’s younger years with his former girlfriend, a friend with a girlfriend of his own, and his sister in the car riding into the woods and arriving to the old cabin behind everyone as they settled to listen to his story

“We shouldn’t be looking but we have found the book… Necronomicon Ex-Mortis, Book of The Dead. Created by the Dark Ones as it was inked in blood and bound in human skin. Having the power to resurrect demons and summon the powers of darkness.” as the scene of these memories changed into a book, like Ash had said himself; the book was bound in human skin and flesh, and it was inked in blood of the fallen to write and drew the book in as Ash and his friend, Scotty, looked at it before they found a reel-to-reel tape player with the type left behind.

“The professor, Raymond Knowby, long before we got there, had taken it to the cabin to study but when he read the box’s text out, he was never seen again.”

Scene had rewinded to an elderly man, Professor Raymond Knowby, his wife, daughter and assistant wandering into the ruins of a castle until they discovered Necronomicon Ex-Mortis and along with a dagger, both of them were covered in dust before it showed the cabin once again as the windows was glowing light through them.

“When we played the tape Knowby left behind, we unleashed something dark, something evil that lasts for centuries that lives in the woods.”

Then we are shown a flashback of Ash having pinned his possessed hand onto the floor with a knife in order for it to stay in place while he uses a chainsaw to sever it while blood- his blood, sprayed onto his face as he screams in agony.

“It got into my hand and went bad so I lopped it off.”

We then saw into the evil entity's point of view flying and dashing through the forest as it was going towards the same cabin and it broke down the back door, flashbacks shown the images of Scotty, Sherry, and Cheryl had been possessed; Cheryl was the first one to be possessed, locked in the fruit cellar of the cabin as she was banging under the chained up cellar door for most of the night. Sherry was then the next unfortunate victim of the Kandarian Demon when she was attacked in her room and eventually Scotty was too the next one to go as he was severely injured when he tried to find an alternate route back to the outside and he was eventually resurrected into a Deadite.

“It then got to my friends, twisting them, changing them, they made them… less than human. And Linda, she…”

We are then presented to one more flashback of Linda in her night gown as an unseen force breaks through the glass while she screams and then presented to the now Deadite Linda being decapitated by Ash with a shovel and her head flew upward and back down to him in a struggle.

“...And then soon, things escalated quickly after that.” he finished.

“Escalated quickly?” Primis Nikolai commented on Ash’s story, the way he looked at him now as the Russian suspects that this Necronomicon Ex-Mortis may have something to do with this and Ash Williams may somewhat be involved with it.

“A lot of sh!t, I was the only one that managed to escape and now all because of a screwup I’ve made; read from that book, one lousy time, evil has found not only me but all of you somehow. and I am now, as I was thinking, responsible for all of this.” Ash somewhat confessed with his hands raised and then fell down onto his sides, everyone looked at him as silence remained until U!Dempsey said “Huh, funny that you were the reason why we are here in the first place.” as he gave him the stink eye while Ash then remarks “You don’t think to catch a rabbit once it’s on the wrong foot, do you?”

“Okay, that’s it; I’m shooting him.” before he got out a pistol and then aimed it at Ash who got his “Boomstick” out and the only one that prevented this was the Engineer who stood between them and said “Hold on, let’s not make it worse, boys.” with his hands raised in a gesture of calming the situation or an attempt to calm it down.

“There’s gonna be other theories, if what Ash says about the Necronomicon story didn't have anything to do with this then what we are dealing with is worse than zombies and Deadites.” Shaw had to explain as he stood up from his place towards the standoff between El Jefe and the marine.

“Examples?” Corporal asked as he still was looking at Ash, “Stanton may have a point.” Primis Richtofen added with must, “Apothicons are the second one to be on the list, as of now the Book of The Dead is top of it but now with other theories that anyone want to share?”

David Tapp then spoke up with raw rash, “Jigsaw may be behind this zombie outbreak but now when I think about it, I don’t think that kidnapping people through interdimensional means was a way for him to act out his games on.”

More and more theories are coming up more in people's minds as Ash and Tank had to lower their weapons to listen.

“A part of us believed that the Order was somewhat behind all of this,” Diego finally spoke up before two of his teammates could, “If this was their plan the entire time, then we must surely do something about it.”

“Maybe Saxon’s mistake,” Medic suggested, “He might have caused a universal rift in our universe to yours.”

“Stop, stop, stop!” Miss Pauling interjected, “It could be Gray Mann, he is the only one that is advanced with machinery and technology, maybe he could be responsible for all of this.”

“But it doesn't explains how those creepy-looking f*@#ers that brought us here, ones with jack-o-lantern faces.” U!Dempsey had poked a hole into these conspiracies'.

“Still,” Bill finally spoke after they all talked, “Last thing I remembered was turning on the generator to help my teammates to get away from zombies and then getting the wind out of me before things turned back.”

David Tapp, up until now, looked at Bill with concern and said with hasite “Did you think that you’d died?”

“I think so, Detective.” Bill Overbeck had confirmed and then the store went still, silent, “I think I had died too but how are we even alive?” David said as he placed a hand on his forehead as if he was pressing against a headache.

“How the hell are you even here, breathing, not undead?” U!Dempsey asked, adding further questions but Primis NIkolai already figured out how, “You were both resurrected. By something.”

“Resurrected?” They both said, not believing the Russian but before he could say anything, a knock was heard and he honestly had no idea who got out a shotgun as a bang was heard and split the wooden door and a yell was heard.

“Engie!” Ash yelled to whoever saw him with the Frontier Justice, “Sorry, Ah panicked!”

“Stand down!” A familiar voice was heard from the back of the door, their ears perked up as P!Richtofen questioned “Takeo?”

As if it was automatic, Pyro had gotten a flamethrower and then walked over to the door as P!Nikolai tried to stop them but Spy stopped him. “Don't recall what happened in the Wonderland Plaza.”

Nikolai looked at him for a moment and said “Do you think Mercer had found us?”

“Oui., I believe so, if I am wrong, it could be Takeo.”

Pyro slowly grabbed the handle and then slowly pulled it open and pointed at whoever it was on the other side of the door with the weapon. On the other side was Frank West who had his hands up and beside him was Ultimis Takeo who tried to ushered to the pyromaniac but then realized two reasons: his encounter with the shapeshifter with biomass and his allies may had relayed this to the rest of the group.

“Pyro, lower the flamethrower, we are not like him.” he reasoned as Pyro looked at U!Takeo with suspicion, he carefully walked over to the Pyro as slowly as possible. When he got close only for Pyro to see more than Frank, and then rolled his sleeve a bit for the same vine to present a flower for them as proof.

It was good enough for Pyro but not for Frank West yet the Samurai were able to have their back turn and they talked quietly as the photojournalist watched rather dismayed with tribulation.

“He?”

“Hai.”

“But what if he’s?”

“He’s not Mercer, if he’s him, he could’ve consume me rhen he had the chance but he didn’t on rhe rhole way here.”

“He’s not him?”

“Iie, his name is Frank West-san, not Alex Mercer.”

Frank examined the private conversion between the two with loathsome pause while these two whispered to each other with no end it seems, Pyro seemed to be in two minds on the dilemma until the delay that took 5 minutes they finally turned to Frank West, saying nothing but Pyro moved and lets Takeo in, he turned and looked at Frank before saying “Are you coming?”

Frank was a startled at first as he was be bit suspicious of this before he cautiously walked into the hardware store, so far on his first day; he had countered a mad man known to him as a Psycho in form of a gun shop owner when he was out trying to find more unlucky survivors in the zombie after he helped Brad to try take down a terrorist reasonable for this.

He was thinking that these people could have something to do with this outbreak as well when he entered the store and there were people inside, he recognized them right away as they were with the other townspeople before the barricade was broken in but there are two old-aged men who are unfamiliar.

“Well, hello there, stranger.” Diego was the first one to greet him, “Hey, you must be the ones from the Entrance Plaza, I guess they did get away rather all.”

“And you are?” Ash asked as he crossed his arms while he looked at him. “I’m Frank West,” Frank introduced himself, “Right now I rather want to know than exchanging pleasantly.”

“Right on the spot,” Bill said as he stood up, “Are you writing a story about this?”

“I’m a photojournalist, just listen, your friend has led me here, I guess to convince all of you to come with me.”

“To where?” U!Dempsey said with suspicion, “As I recall nothing in this mall is safe.”

“There is,” Frank rebuked, “An security room was wielded shut so none of these walking corpses could get in.”

“Welded shut?” Scarlett perked up, that caught their attention so the Engineer urged “Is it true?”

“A Janitor, Otis, had wielded it shut with a blowtorch to make sure none of them would get in, that would be the only place left that could be safe.” He explained to the group who were interested in this conversion.

Miss Pauling looked at him before pulling Primis Richtofen, and Scarlett away, “Guys, a word please?” and they were on the other side of the store right away. “What do you zhink, Frank vas telling zhe truth or…?”

“If he was lying, he couldn’t spill it out. There’s hardly a window there and…”

“If the door was wielded shut from the inside, how did he manage to get out of the room?” Scarlett had to inject the two, “And I want to know how.”

“Still, better than being here with the dead.” Miss Pauling as she and P!Richtofen looked at her with treaty, “If ve follow him, he could-”

“He had said rhe “helicopter” ras coming,” another voice joins in the meeting of theirs, they looked and saw him, Takeo who was watching them with arms crossed across his chest.

“Vhat/what?” the three said at once.

Ultimis Takeo walks over to them, stopping once he got close enough to them, “He had spoken of his “ride ``coming rithin three days. Rhis is how he had planned; find the story to make sure it will be worth for these three days.”

“Why can’t it be three hours?” Miss Pauling thought with hefty impatience, they were silent for a moment and soon, Richtofen said “Is his escape route reliable?”

The warrior nodded, “Hai, story was the reason he is here.”

The three looked at each other with the thoughts, possibly thinking it over about it but you could ask why couldn’t Primis Richtofen use the Summoning Key?

Well, he had tried earlier but for a shocking reason, Key didn’t open up the portal like before. He had tried and tried but it failed each one time.

Primis Nikolai had berated him on this but it wasn’t honestly his fault, the key wasn’t working and something was very wrong.

This seemed to be the only option for them now, much as he doesn’t like it but he had to agree to the deal. “Alright.”

“Okay.”

“Sure.”

U!Takeo looked content with their decision, but not before Richtofen stated “But if ve all had to vait for three days for it to arrive, ve'd need supplies.”

“Brad’s gonna handle that.” Frank had came around the corner where the four were, “Frank, you see-”

“I kinda heard the whole thing, Tak,” Frank had confessed, no joke, he had listened to what he said, U!Takeo felt a bit bad for what he had overheard and looked at him to say something but Frank continued “I'm gonna check if everyone could fit inside the helicopter, afterall, my guy is reliable.”

“Well, Brad is going to need help with supplies.” Scarlett suggested, “Where is here now?”

“Well…”

12:14

Two hours it took for a few of them to get in the security room with much supplies they needed but of course, they had to share them with the survivors Frank had rescued for the three days as Tank had tied his jacket around his waist as he had a black tank top with his dog tags is standing guard of the vent, making sure that there won’t be any shambling zombies won’t get inside the room through the vents.

Brad had got back with more supplies as Tank was pressing his back against the wall close to the door to the monitor room, Brad looked and then said “Yo guys! Gimme a hand here!’

Dempsey and Frank walked over to Brad who had the supplies in a box that was sitting inside the air duct, Frank grabbed a cola from it but Brad gently grabbed him by the arm and made the photojournalist look at him.

“Wh-what gives?”

Brad grabs the soda and pulls it away from him, “Considering the helicopter, bringing more hands here and all, we have to work together.” Brad said as Ultimis Dempsey nodded and added “But that doesn’t mean that we all tell you anything of what was going on.”

“The corporal had the point; things are classified for security reasons and things that, if we do tell you, cannot be printed as necessities.”

“Yeah?” Frank sledded with his arms crossed, “So?”

“So, we just want you to appreciate the situation.” Brad answered as he and Tank looked at him, Frank looked up at the ceiling and said “Well, we are all trapped in a mall with a bunch of zombies.” before looking at them again “Yeah, I think I appreciate the situation just fine.”

“Zombies….” The Afican man looked down at the floor before looked back to Frank, “I still can’t believe all of this is happening, you know, it seems unreal.”

“But this is reality, we know how to take them out.” Tank blissfully thinks as Brad gives the cola back to Frank West and carries the box to the monitor room as the marine goes with him.

“Ya alright there?”

“Yeah, we got it.” Dempsey answered as he opened the door to let Brad and himself in while Frank opened his drink and sipped it down.

Dempsey went into the hallway as where the rest of the group was, Shaw was making another batch of Acid Bombs with Ash looking over at his work before looking over at the old man and greeted with “Making new friends, already?”

“Hahaha, go f*** yourself, Ash.” mocked Dempsey with a sneer as he walked to P!Richtofen with Scarlett and Pauling on what they will be doing once the rescue arrives. Tapping him on the shoulder, making him jump a little but realized that it’s Dempsey.

“It was a tiring day, too bad that the stuff we could use is back at the hardware store.”

“Ve could always come back to it vhen ve go out of zhe room vhen ve still can but on limit of three days,” P!Richtofen recounted with the 1940’s marine, “Ve sleep for about 4 hours per night to switch shifts, ve vill figure out more by morning.” he then turned to walk over to his own living place with little supplies he had carried with him as U!Takeo nodded in agreement.

4:56

Four hours passed with David Tapp, P!Nikolai and Richtofen and Engineer kept awake, ready for action while others slept. U!Dempsey was up to get ready for watch as he cracked his knuckles as Miss Pauling was up as well with her legs against her chest, looking down.

“Your turn was up, German.” It was Primis Nikolai who looked over and said this to Richtofen to rest, with a nod as he got and then walked away so Ultimis Dempsey could take watch. He looked back and saw David Tapp doesn’t let anyone have a turn, just kept watching that lead having five of them, one being the Pyro, sat with them.

“He must’ve been determined.” he thought as he walked over to his sleeping quarters, gently sitting down on the floor and sat down with ease next to Bill. The old man looked at him and said “Did you figure out what the hell was going on?”

P!Richtofne looked at William with confusion at first, “Hmm?”

“The whole “Interdimensional Time travel” bullsh!t?”

“I do not know yet, William.”

“Not even the parts on how me and Tapp are still alive?”

“I do not know about zhat either, if I do know, I vould.” P!Richtofen replied with skepticism. Bill looked at him with his arms crossed, he had been through hell and back in a form of war through Vietnam and Green Flu zombies with his teammates whom he will now consider them as friends and he hoped they are still alright right now after… What he must do to ensure their safety.

“Doc,” Overbeck insisted, “I am not that stupid, if this… Whatever is happening, did those “App-o-con” creatures have something to do with this?”

“I believe so, William-”

“Just call me “Bill,” Ed.”

“Bill,” The Doctor corrected himself, “As much as I vould love tell you everything about vhat had been going on und vhy zhis is happening in zhe vhy is has been, I couldn’t find zhe words for that. Time travel und all zhat had happened, vhy zhe dead vas resurrected but as a normal person, not a zombie is beyond my level of reasons.”

Bill seemed to get that but then said “Maybe it was out of no reason whatsoever or just brought me and David back to live on purpose, a bullsh!t purpose.” before turning over to Richtofen before he lays down.

“Besides, I didn’t sign up to be in this hellhole but I’m here anyway.” before closing his eyes and then starts trying to close his eyes to sleep.

Primis Richtofen looked down at the floor as he wondered back at what had happened at the hardware store. “But it doesn't explains how those creepy-looking f*@#ers that brought us here, ones with jack-o-lantern faces.” U!Dempsey had poked a hole into these conspirities.

Frustration, irritation and condemned in this dimension, he groaned in fervid and furious at this sudden change to his plans to save the universe as something had not only brought him and his fri- Allies to do god-knows-what, but everyone else getting involved in this agenda as well. He fully believed that Dr. Monty would do something about this but…. A thought came to him, it should’ve been sooner but his mind had heaved it from it too late; Why wasn’t Dr. Monty doing anything right now? Putting a stop to this?

Edward was amazed yet uncertain by it. If Dr. Monty knew what was holding him and his team up and figured it out, he could do something to cut this situation short, get everyone home and resume what they were doing but why wasn’t he?

Maybe, just maybe, something must’ve figured out that Dr. Monty could try but must’ve shuttled him out from this strange modern dimension as a precautionary measure if he did find out what was going on. Or maybe it had found him, Dr. Maxis, Samantha and-

“Nein, Edward, do not overzhink it…” he swallowed those thoughts before they could get more avid. Shaking his head at this as he closed his eyes to let out a sigh.

“Hopefully soon, ve could be able to get back vith zhe rest of our groups und figure what is going on yet most critically: vho vas behind it all.” he whispered to himself as he laid down at last.

Using a handbag filled with clothes from the store as a makeshift pillow for his displeasure yet usual slumber, it took him a jiffy for him to find comfort on the floor until he eventually found it and fell off into a slumber….

[talk-to-the-mercs]

Who is this weird charles guy, engie? -rock

Charlie: Ah, curious, aren't you. I regret to inform you that, much as I would love to answer your questions, I am forbidden to by contract.

Charlie: I do not care about contracts, I recognize the name you've given me, and I do not serve them. Do with this information as you please.

[Rustling, the faint slamming on metal.]

Charlie: Hear that? I do believe our friends are nearby.

Engineer: SOLLY?! DEMO?! Hold on, we’ll getcha out of there! Aw, god damnit…I left my skeleton key at the base…this’ll take at least an hour ‘a weldin’, this door’s so thick…

[Click. The jangling of keys]

Charlie: They were hidden in the kitchen cabinet, or do you not remember this..?

[The hiss of a heavy door swinging open.]

B.L.U Demo: [unintelligible mumbling]

Soldier: HUH GAWS THEW?! STAYT YU BUTHNETH!

[Translation: WHO GOES THERE?! STATE YOUR BUSINESS!]

Engineer: Solly…? What…what the hell didja…?

Soldier: I ESCATHED THE THPIES! THE HATH BE CUNARD, BUTH I GATHE THEB A GUD OL DOTH OF UNCLE THAM!

[Translation: I ESCAPED THE SPIES! THEY HAD ME CORNERED, BUT I GAVE ‘EM A GOOD OL’ DOSE OF UNCLE SAM!]

Engineer: [chuckling, verge of tears] Oh my god…

Charlie: [soft laughter] Ah... Would you like me to help your friend, there..? [barely holding back a snicker] Seems... A bit stuck?

Engineer: [sniffing] Yeah, let’s, uh…getcha outta there. ‘Fore your tongue freezes off. [laughing] God damnit, Soldier…

Soldier: I DIDTH UMWERICA PWOUD!

[Translation: I DID AMERICA PROUD!]

Engineer: You sure did, son. You sure did.

B.L.U Demo: Nngh…

[Lighter clicking]

Charlie: Ah ah ah- No, no, keep still... Tsk- You'll get burnt if you keep doing that... There we go...

[END OF TRANSMISSION]

@noivoom

[fruit-teeth]

Matters of Time and Fate (8)

/(AHAHA FINALLY!! So sorry for the delay!! I know you guys probably thought I forgot about this story but I didn’t! Anyway I’m gonna shut up now, please enjoy)

Sniper woke up early that morning, and the first thought in his mind was that he wanted to make coffee. He’d had a rough, feverish sleep the previous night, and he needed to cleanse his mind with a cup of black coffee. Just the way he liked it.

As Sniper went to the kitchen and began to prepare coffee in the pot, he internally praised himself for waking up early before everyone else. Now he could have his coffee and he could make his breakfast in peace and quiet, without anyone –

“Are you making coffee?”

Sniper startled, turning around to see Olivia standing there. He fumbled for a moment, trying to think of how to answer.

“Uh…yeah, I am,”

Olivia hopped up on the chair beside the kitchen counter, looking over his shoulder. “Make a cup for me! I like milk and sugar in mine,”

Sniper processed this for a moment, before he looked back at Olivia, confusion in his eyes. “What? You want coffee?”

Olivia looked at him like he’d just asked a stupid question. “Yeah? I like coffee! My nanny makes some for me every morning, with milk and sugar,”

Sniper scoffed. “Really? I mean…” he scratched the back of his head. “You’re only six, should you really be drinking coffee?”

Olivia pursed her lips together. “My daddy says I can have it! He says everyone drinks it,”

“Well,” Sniper cleared his throat. “Six-year-olds don’t drink it. You know what I drank when I was six?”

When Olivia shook her head, Sniper replied, “Milkshakes, I used to drink them every morning. They’re not really that healthy, but I can show you how to make some,”

“Milkshakes?” Olivia thought about it, and then shrugged. “Okay. Can we put chocolate in it?”

Sniper just grinned at her. “I like your thinking! We can put whatever we want in them. You like peanut butter?”

Olivia nodded enthusiastically. “Yeah!”

“All right, all right,” Sniper laughed, opening a cabinet and getting out a jar of peanut butter, as well as some cocoa powder. “Let’s get started – pass me the blender, yeah?”

Meanwhile, Engineer was sleeping peacefully on his air mattress when he was rudely awoken by the loud whirring of a blender in the kitchen. He startled, stumbling to his feet in the direction of the noise.

“What in Sam Hill is all that racket!?” he snapped, hovering in the doorway.

Sniper looked up from where he was pulsing the blender. “Sorry, mate! We’re making milkshakes, blender’s real loud…”

Olivia stared at the mixture of peanut butter, vanilla ice cream, cocoa, and banana through the clear plastic of the blender. “Press the button again! It still looks lumpy…”

Sniper pressed the button, and the violent whirring struck right back up. Engineer flinched at the sound. “Gosh darn it! I should make a blender that’s real quiet – I probably could!”

The whirring died down again, and Olivia checked the milkshake again, frowning. “Still lumpy!”

Before Sniper could mash the button again, Engineer shooed him away from the blender. “Hey, y’know what? There’s some stuff we still need from the store, how about we take a little shopping trip and I can buy some more parts to build a quiet blender? Then you can put whatever you want in there without wakin’ the whole house,”

Sniper huffed. “Look, the milkshakes aren’t done! Gotta blend ‘em somehow,”

Engineer grabbed a wooden spoon and handed it to Sniper. “Use this! Do it the old fashioned way,”

Sniper rolled his eyes, but he took the spoon and poured the mixture into a bowl. He then stirred around a bit before it appeared edible, and then he poured it into two separate glasses. “Here ya go,”

Olivia took one of the glasses, eyeing it suspiciously before taking a sip. Sniper sat down at the table with his own glass, watching her. “Thoughts?”

Olivia thought for a moment, before nodding. “Good! It’s good,”

As she sat down and started to drink the rest of it, Engineer began cleaning out the blender, when a thought struck him. “Hey, Olivia – would you wanna go to the store with us? You can look around, it might be good to spend some time outside,”

“The store?” Olivia asked, blinking. Her father never took her shopping, they always had someone around who would just pick up groceries and other necessities for them. “To do what? Buy things?”

“Well, yeah,” Sniper shrugged. “That’s what the store is for. You could even look at some toys too, if you want,”

“Toys…” Olivia had never owned any toys. Her father always dismissed them as ‘childish’, and she’d done the same. But, she realized, he wasn’t around, now…

“Okay, I’ll go,” she agreed, and then reached for her glass of milkshake again. “But right after I finish this,”

Sniper just chuckled. “Yeah, of course…”

Upon waking, Scout could hear the sound of Engineer’s truck starting up from the driveway. Confused, he got out of bed and went downstairs, watching as Sniper got his shoes on by the door.

“Hey!” Scout barked, leaning over the railing of the stairs. “Where you guys goin’?”

Sniper glanced up from his shoes. “Oh, we’re gonna go to the shopping center. We just gotta pick up a couple things,”

Scout hopped down the stairs, fixing his hair and grabbing an apple from a bowl of fruit on the counter to eat. “Can I go? I’ve been dyin’ to get some extra clothes and stuff!”

“Sure, if you want,” Sniper shrugged. “How fast can you get ready?”

“So fast!” Scout took another big bite of the apple, turning on his heel to head upstairs. “I’ll be dressed before you know it – I’m a master at gettin’ ready quick!”

True to his word, Scout was in his day clothes within just a few minutes. He sprayed on his cologne and bounced back downstairs, only to see Olivia standing by the door.

Scout flinched, as he was still a bit wary around the girl. “…hi? Um, whatcha doing, kid?”

Olivia looked away, and Sniper clarified, “She’s coming with us, we’re gonna get her out of the house for a bit,”

“Wha…!?” Scout opened his mouth to argue, but when he saw Olivia staring back at him again, he thought better of himself. “Okay, fine…” he sighed. “Is Engie outside in the car?”

“Yep,” Sniper opened the door, ushering Olivia and Scout out of the house. “Let’s not keep him waiting,”

As soon as everyone was in the vehicle, Engineer started it up and began to head down the dirt path leading to the road. The sun was shining bright overhead, casting the sky in a brilliant blue.

Olivia watched as the hills rolled by through the windows of the truck. She’d never seen anything like it until now, and she thought it was very beautiful. The way the sun reflected off of the wheat in the fields and the grass looked like something out of a story book to her, and it made her feel something she had never felt before, some kind of longing deep within her soul…

Engineer switched the radio on to a country station, and Scout huffed. “Aw, come on! Seriously, Engie?”

“Hey, it ain’t my fault you don’t have taste,” Engineer replied simply.

Olivia tilted her head, listening to the music. “What’s this?”

“Country music,” Sniper answered. “Have you never heard country music before?”

“No,” Olivia shrugged. “It sounds like those weird movies my daddy used to watch,”

Scout’s brow furrowed. “What movies?”

Olivia searched for how to describe it. “Movies about these men with big hats and guns…cowboy movies! They’re called cowboys, I forgot,”

“Old westerns?” Engineer sounded surprised as he turned a corner, heading down into the town. “Your dad liked old westerns, Olivia?”

Olivia nodded. “Yeah, he watched them a lot while he did his work. I watched them only sometimes,” she remembered walking in during a scene where a sheriff was pointing his gun at a burglar, and how her father had paused his paperwork to point to the screen.

“Do you see that, Olivia?” he had asked. “We call that a ‘negotiation’,”

“But there’s a gun,” Olivia had pointed out. “And they aren’t really talking…”

“This is a last resort negotiation,” Gray went on to explain. “They actually are very good at getting what you want, you might find out,”

Olivia blinked, coming back to the present as she heard Scout talking again. “Huh!” he remarked. “Never took him for the type to watch those kinda movies, always thought he was more of…” Scout trailed off, glancing at Olivia and recalling what had happened the last time he made a snide remark about her father. “…never-mind.”

Olivia folded her arms back up and looked out the window, getting quiet again. The whole truck went silent aside from the music playing on the radio before Scout decided to at least try and make conversation.

“So, uh…” he cleared his throat, getting Olivia’s attention. “What are you hoping to find at the store, kid?”

Olivia just shrugged. “I don’t know,”

“You don’t know?” Scout asked, surprised. “Damn, whenever I went to the store as a kid, I always had a list of stuff I wanted to buy with my allowance. You can’t think of anything?”

“No,” Olivia shook her head. “I’ve never been shopping before,”

Scout’s eyes widened in alarm at that. “Never!? Damn, kid, what have you been doing your whole life? You know what? Here’s what we’re gonna do – I’m gonna show you what to do while at a store! I’m a pro, you’re gonna thank me later,”

“Don’t teach her anything stupid,” Sniper warned. “We don’t wanna get her in trouble,”

Scout waved him off. “Aw, come on! It’s gonna be fun, I promise,”

They finally arrived at the shopping plaza, a place Olivia had never seen before. As Engineer parked, Olivia stepped out and looked up at the buildings with awe. “Wow! There’s so many stores!”

“I know, right?” Scout got out after her, before turning to look at Engie. “Where to first, hardhat?

Engineer pulled out a list, checking it. “Well, let’s see…we need parts for the new blender, some extra snacks, and then whatever else we think we might need,”

Sniper pointed out a hardware store nearby. “How about there first? That looks like it’d have blender parts,”

As they walked in, Engineer turned to Olivia and Scout. “We’re gonna look at some parts, you two look around. Scout?” his tone changed to one more serious. “Keep her outta trouble, okay? I mean it,”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever,” Scout waved him off, before gesturing for Olivia to follow him. “C’mon, kid! Let’s have an adventure,”

Olivia trailed after him, curious over what ‘adventure’ this store could have to offer. They wandered around a bit, before Scout paused. “Ooh, okay! Take a look!”

“What?” Olivia looked to where he was pointing, and she gasped a little. Sitting several feet away were a line of model bathrooms, complete with their own bathtubs and showers. “What is that? Are those real bathrooms?”

“Nope!” Scout grinned, approaching one and running his hand over the sink. “They’re models – if you wanna buy a bathroom, or make one, or whatever, these are models you can follow, pretty much,”

“Oh!” Olivia approached it, fascinated, leaning over to look in the tub. She turned the levers, but no water came out. “There’s no water!”

“Yeah, it ain’t hooked up,” Scout explained, checking the cabinets. “Aw, sweet! Someone left something in here!” he fished it out, only to make a face. “Ugh, never-mind. It’s someone’s stupid pamphlet thing from…the ‘Sculptor’s Clayground’? Huh,”

Olivia wandered over to another model, seeing a beautiful clawfoot tub. All of the sudden, she had the urge to climb into it, and without thinking about it she clambered inside sat down.

Scout noticed, and he laughed, leaning in to look. “There ya go! I wonder if you could hide in here…you’re small enough, ain’t ya?”

Olivia made herself as small as possible, but she suddenly laughed, imagining surprising someone like this by hiding in the tub. She’d never considered doing something like that before, but it felt very exciting somehow.

Before Scout could see if she could fit in another model tub, a voice from several feet away barked, “Hey! What are you doing!?”

Olivia sat up in time to see a woman in an employee’s uniform walking up to them, and Scout immediately became defensive. “Hey, hey, we’re just playin’ around, lady!”

“I’ll say,” the woman sighed, gesturing for Scout and Olivia to leave. “This isn’t a playground. Please just take your daughter and move along,”

Olivia paused, looking to Scout in confusion. “Daughter?”

Scout’s eyes widened, and he suddenly appeared offended, scooping Olivia up and setting her down. “I am not her dad!” he exclaimed, before taking Olivia’s hand and briskly leading her away from the models, leaving the employee very confused.

[doyelikehaggis]

How come you never watched drake and josh so you did not know about Megan/Mindy

I just never came across it on tv while growing up 🤷‍♀️ Okay, maybe this will help, here is a list of things I grew up watching until the age of ten

• Harry Potter

• Still Game (Seriously, this was pretty much my entire childhood in itself)

• VHS Disney movies

• Movies like St Trinians and Wild Child and Angus, Thongs, and Perfect Snogging

• Tracy Beaker

• Glee

• CBBC (So, again, Tracy Beaker, Horrible Histories, Arthur, ChuckleVision, Teletubbies, Tweenies, Come Outside, Pingu, Mona the Vampire, LazyTown, Trapped!)

• Cbeebies (In the Night Garden, Something Special, Balamory, Charlie and Lola, Numberjacks, Bob the Builder, Fireman Sam, Fimbles, Nina and the Neurons)

• Popgirl (Miss this channel so much, 6teen, Life with Derek, Lizzie McGuire, Madeline, Mew Mew Power, Sabrina the Teenage Witch, Strawberry Shortcake, Trollz, Winx Club, Zoey 101)

• Tiny Pop (The Berenstain Bears, Rolie Polie Olie, Timothy Goes to School, My Little Pony, Care Bears)

• Walker, Texas Ranger

• Calamity Jane

• On the Buses

• Eastenders, Coronation Street, Emmerdale, River City

• Doctor Who + The Sarah Jane Adventures

• CITV (Horrid Henry, Adventure Time, Art Attack, Baby Looney Tunes, Ben 10, Bratz, Courage the Cowardly Dog, Curious George, Digimon, Dora the Explorer, Engie Benji, Grizzly Tales for Gruesome Kids, Hilltop Hospital, King Arthur's Disasters, Little Einsteins, Meg and Mog, My Parents Are Aliens, Noddy, Rub-A-Dub-Dub, Rugrats, Sailor Moon, Scooby Doo, SpongeBob SquarePants, Winnie the Pooh, The Wombles, Tom and Jerry)

• Specifically Milkshake Channel 5 (Angelina Ballerina, Bananas in Pyjamas, Fifi and the Flowertots, Peppa Pig, The Mr. Men Show, High 5, Rupert, Thomas the Tank Engine, Barney, Bear in the Big Blue House, Harry and His Bucket Full of Dinosaurs, Blue's Clues, Jojos Circus, Oswald, Pocoyo)

• Special mentions: Me Too!, Andy Pandy, Bits and Bobs, Clifford the Big Red Dog, Dani's House, Dennis the Menace and Gnasher, Bill and Ben, Get Squiggling, Little Robots, Mister Maker, Pablo the Little Red Fox, Powerpuff Girls, Family Guy, American Dad

• Nickelodeon (Victorious, iCarly, Fairly OddParents, The Backyardigans, Go Diego Go!)

So, those shows were pretty much my childhood up until the age of 10! The tv in the living room was pretty much always split between three categories: old westerns that were usually in black and white (my dad), CITV or CBBC (me and my sister), and Clubland (my mum).

I honestly don't know how I missed shows like Drake & Josh when it was airing on Nickelodeon, but I just didn't pay too much attention to that channel most of the time if iCarly or Victorious wasn't on, I guess. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this long trip down memory lane that no one asked for!

[tf2fansderogatory]

SPY BLACKMAILING ENGIE TO GET HIM TO GO TO SLEEP!!!!!!!

at first I was just gonna do a funny little haha answer but I kept having ideas so I wrote a thing instead

Engineer muttered to himself, quietly enough that it couldn’t be heard from outside the workshop but loud enough to add stimulation and keep himself awake. It was a constant stream of thinking out loud and mumbling as he tried to figure out problems, hunched over his current project and making minute adjustments to a wire here, a coil there. He started the machine and it sputtered for a moment before dying. Engineer sat up and took a deep breath to try to collect his thoughts on what could be wrong, but was distracted by the faint telltale scent of tobacco. He sighed and took off his goggles, swiveling around in his chair to face the slightly ajar door.

“Well. What is it?”

There was a quiet fshh as smoke leapt up, then drifted away and dissipated to reveal Spy leaning against the wall. “It is four in the morning.”

“And? You’re awake too, aintcha?”

“My sleep schedule is not as horrendous as yours.”

“So that gives you a pass, huh?”

“Laborer. When was the last time you slept?”

“Took a catnap not too long ago.”

“Don’t lie to me.”

“Just how long have you been watchin’ me?”

“Answer the question.”

Engineer sighed. “Last night.”

“…”

He threw up his hands. “Alright, fine, two days ago!”

“It was three, actually, but I can tell from your genuine reaction that you did not realize.”

Dell pinched the bridge of his nose in exasperation. “Just get to the goddamn point.”

“Go to bed, Engineer.”

“In a minute,” he said as he turned back to the workbench. “I’m almost done with this.”

“Don’t rush it. You wouldn’t want it to end up like your first college project.”

Engineer paused and slowly turned his head to look Spy in the eye. His voice was quiet and low. “…what are you talkin’ about, stretch?”

Spy remained unperturbed as he pulled a small piece of paper out of his pocket. “Just that small little assignment your professor gave to see what level of skill everyone possessed. Rebuild a watch, nothing too difficult. You had done it a million times at home.” Spy glanced up at Engineer. “You were so confident you decided to try to modify the watch, even.”

Engineer turned to fully face Spy. “Spy…where did you find out about that.”

A knowing smile crept onto Spy’s face. “But when you tested the watch…”

Engineer stood up. “No…”

“It did not quite work as intended…”

He stormed over to Spy. “No-“

“And you electrocuted yourself-“

“Stop!!” He reached for the piece of paper but Spy held it above his head and out of reach.

“-half to death!”

“Dammit all, just give me that!” Engineer would’ve shoved Spy onto the ground to get the paper, but he knew Spy would come up with some other way to keep it away from him.

Spy’s smile widened to a smug grin. “Oh, c'est dommage, how embarrassing it would be if the others found out that the brilliant Dell Conagher with eleven PhDs nearly died to a watch of his own making!”

“You punchable pulled-pork lookin’ son of a pair of pretentious parents, what in Sam Hill do you want?!”

Spy put the scrap of paper away and looked Dell straight in the eye, smirk gone and completely serious. “In the simplest terms I can use, I want you to go the fuck to sleep.”

“…really? That’s what you want?”

“You already die ten times a day in the field, you don’t need to be killing yourself with work as well.”

Engineer sighed. “Fine…let me put a few tools away.”

Spy nodded in acknowledgment and headed out the door. “If I find out you did, in fact, not go to sleep, I will be leaking the information as well as stealing your coffee pot.”

“Go to sleep yourself, stretch.”

[goldeaglefire1]

So - I’ve gotten my hands on a copy of Poker Night at the Inventory 2 lately and have been enjoying myself

and thus, inspiration struck

this here is my pick of characters for a hypothetical Poker Night at the Inventory 3. Admittedly, if there’s ever a Poker Night 3, it probably won’t be these guys, but it works

The Players

Dell Conagher/The Engineer

First up is the Engineer of the RED mercenary team! Heavy did say that Engie’s the one who introduced him to the Inventory in the first place, so why not?

Playstyle: The Engineer’s playstyle is a lot like Sam’s - he’s honest, tends to be cautious, and is generally rather consistent with his plays. However, Engie does get more aggressive as the players are eliminated, so be wary - he’s especially hard to deal with if he’s the final player.

Bounty Item: Blueprints for a supped-up set of turrets he’s been working on. When won, acts as a skin for the default turrets.

Eliza

Second is Eliza - or, as she’s known by a scant few, Neferu, the Crimson Scourge. A diva who’s secretly several millennia-years old, retaining her beauty through the absorption of blood, Eliza saw the poker tournaments at the Inventory as an opportunity to forget about her public image for a few hours and be a bit more true to herself...which may not be a good thing if you’re on the other end of the poker table.

Playstyle: Eliza’s main goal is less “win” and more “fuck with the other players” - the chance to walk away with $80,000 more dollars than she came in with is just a bonus. As a result, she tends to play mind games, such as deliberately folding for several turns in a row - even on good cards - to convince the others that she’s having a streak of bad luck, or placing more medium bets on a really good hand to goad her competition into betting more money. Not helping is that several of her tells can be signals for both good and bad things. Also scarily good at bluffing when she puts her mind to it.

Bounty item: The Staff of Ra, which is normally disguised as her microphone stand. When won, you get a reskinned default bat that looks like the Staff.

Deadpool

Third is Deadpool, the infamous fourth-wall breaking Merc with a Mouth. When he heard about the Inventory, he saw it as an easy opportunity to make off with some quick bucks...up until he was informed that he couldn’t use his meta awareness to cheat and look at the other players’ cards. Didn’t deter him, though - sure, he may have to put in a bit more effort now, but still! Easy money!

Playstyle: Deadpool is aggressive, reckless, and prone to bluffing...but he does know what he’s doing. Sort of. He’s more similar to Strong Bad or Ash Williams than Max or Claptrap is what I’m saying. He can occasionally put in more money than he really should, or bet on rarer, less likely combinations, but there is some semblance of strategy to what he’s doing.

Bounty item: The Infinity Gauntlet. Don’t ask how Deadpool managed to get his hands on it; it’s a long story involving stealing Ant-Man’s suit and going into unmentionable spaces. When won, it gives a reskinned version of Heavy’s default fists, but with one being purple and the other having the Infinity Gauntlet.

Invader Zim

Last is the short, Irken invader secretly planning to take over the Earth, Invader Zim! Zim was actually invited to the Inventory rather than hearing about it from unknown sources. Despite having no idea what poker is, Zim accepted, because accepting mysterious invitations would be the normal, human thing to do, and he is most certainly a normal human child...although, once he learned that they knew he was an alien and that what happened in the Inventory was confidential, he dropped the human disguise rather quickly.

Playstyle: Zim’s only experience with Poker before playing in the tournament is a five-minute Youtube video he watched on the basics of Texas Hold ’Em as research. That’s it. So, naturally, Zim is the one who plays like a maniac and clearly has no idea what he’s doing. He has a preference for bluffing, but not by much. He does have the occasional flash of brilliance, though, so be wary when he gets serious.

Bounty item: Mini-Moose. When won, unlocks a cosmetic item that is - what else - Mini-Moose, which is available to all classes.

The Staff

The Narrator

The mysterious, unseen Narrator from the Stanley Parable would act as the dealer here. Less antagonistic than the likes of GLaDOS, but just as snarky towards the players, if not more so.

Bounty item: A signed physical copy of the Stanley Parable. When won, gives a cosmetic item in the form of a large button engraved with the number 8.

Doc Scratch

Doc Scratch would be the bartender. Initially, he was considered as a new dealer, but when he ended up causing several fights in the Inventory through a combination of his smugness and spoiling the winner of the tournament several times, he was delegated to bartending duty where he could cause less damage. Does occasionally chime in on the conversation, being more likely to do so when the player buys his opponents drinks.

Example conversation:

Engineer: You know, I’d bet the doc would love to be here tonight - between the three of you, he’d be up to his neck in biological mysteries.

Deadpool: Uh, good for him and all, but personally? I am so glad I don’t have to deal with that! I’ve heard what he’s done to you and your team to get that Uber thing to work, and you know, I would really like to not have a monkey heart, thank you very much. Although it would be pretty cool...

Zim: Ha! A simple human could never hope to learn my secrets! The machinations of my body are an enigma! Even to me!

Eliza: Well, I’M interested.

Engineer: Really?

Eliza: It depends. How much blood is he willing to give in return?

Engineer: ...I’ll get back to you on that one.