#energy drink ADDICTION I have a problem

[doublesidedgemini]

by the way I have spotted a PINK can of monster ultra, a new strawberry flavor 💗💕💗

I haven’t tried it yet but it looks really cute, the next time I see it I’m def gonna buy :)

[m3nt4lly-1ll-1ph0n3]

Brb I'm gonna make a Narrator design based of a monster energy can

[hazbinwhoree]

Adam and Lute with a very powerful overlord reader who is doing multiple jobs at once and is obviously tired and overworked, and is just like, "I'm done, I'm too tired to deal with your bullshit." She kinda has the same personality as Aizawa from mha (Reader may or may not have an addiction to coffee, tea, and energy drinks. I can see them meeting when Charlie drags her to her meeting with adam and Lute. Charlie:(y/n)? When was the last time you slept? (Y/N): What the fuck is sleep? *drinks 10 gallons of coffee in one sitting*)

An Angel & An Overlord

A/N: I had fun writing this and hope it’s what you wanted! I don’t know who Aizawa is so I did my best based on context clues. Disclaimer, there will not be a part 2, I’m drowning in requests.

Adam was already bored of this meeting with Lucifer and Lilith’s daughter. She and her associates were pleading their case to let sinners go to Heaven (ha!) while he chowed down on some ribs. Then the door swung open.

A demon came stumbling in, an energy drink in each hand, looking disheveled and tired. But fuck, she was hot.

“(Name)!” Charlie exclaimed. “Thank you for coming! I know you’re busy.” Adam and (Name) had made prolonged eye contact. “What? Oh, yeah, no problem, Char.” She tore her eyes away, looking at the ribs he was eating. “Fuck those look good. Now I’m hungry.”

“And who’s this hottie?” Adam smirked, slumping back in his seat. The demon rolled her eyes, slamming one of her drinks on the table. “She said my name already, asshole. And put some respect on it, I’m highly ranked down here.”

“Whatever you say, tits.”

She hissed at him. Adam felt a small thrill at the action.

“Eat shit.”

“Um, (Name), maybe don’t fight with Adam, we need him to approve the plan-” “I’m not going to approve the plan,” Adam laughed. “Sinners? In Heaven? As if.”

(Name) sighed, patting Charlie’s back. “Looks like my services are pointless.” She made to leave, but Adam stopped her. “Well wait, what was your role in this little presentation?” He wasn’t sure why, but he didn’t want her leaving yet. “I have statistics from asking sinners if they would take the Hazbin Hotel seriously if Heaven approved it.”

Adam pretended to think on that. “Interesting, but Heaven will never approve.”

She flipped him off.

“Right back at you, bitch.”

Despite the annoyed face he put on, Adam liked this demon much more than the sunshine and rainbows princess. She spoke his language.

(Name) pounded back the energy drink she was still holding while the room watched on, Charlie and Vaggie looking vaguely concerned. “(Name), did you sleep last night?” “Who needs sleep?” The overlord crushed the drink can. “Aight, I’m out.” She saluted the room and left.

(Name) woke up the next morning to an invitation outside her door. To her shock, it was from Adam. He requested they meet, listing coordinates and a time for when he would open a portal to Heaven. Curious, (Name) decided to go.

At the time allotted, she stood at the spot, nursing a coffee. A portal opened in front of her, and apprehensively, (Name) stepped through it. “You actually came.” Adam looked surprised to see her. “Curiosity killed the cat,” (Name) replied. Adam smirked. “Well welcome to Heaven, hottie.”

They were stood outside what looked like an apartment building. Adam turned to enter it. “Coming, sugar tits?” “Don’t call me that.” Still, she followed him. They rode an elevator up to the very top of the building, and the doors opened to reveal a penthouse.

“Is this where you live?” (Name) asked, stepping out and beginning to look around. “Yeah.”

Adam was unusually quiet, watching (Name) anxiously. “I made more ribs,” he spoke up. “If you want some.” He sounded unsure of himself. (Name) almost found it endearing. “Sure.” She followed Adam into the kitchen and sat down at the table, and Adam placed a plate of ribs in front of her.

(Name) wanted to ask what this was about, but she had forgotten to eat yesterday, and hadn’t had time to eat today, so she was absolutely ravenous. She dug into the ribs with vigor, ignoring Adam’s eyes on her. He took a seat across from her at the table, picking at his own plate of ribs.

“Damn, girlie, you can really put it away. One would think you’re starving. When’s the last time you ate?” “Mm, don’t remember,” (Name) answered through a full mouth. “You really don’t give a shit about yourself.” (Name) frowned. “I do, I’m just… I’m so busy. Overlord duties and shit, y’know?”

“I don’t, actually,” Adam replied as (Name) polished off the last of the ribs. He took two off his plate and put them on hers. “Tell me about it.”

(Name) realized, suddenly, that this felt a lot like a date. But these ribs were really good and Adam was being strangely sweet (he wasn’t bad looking either), so (Name) didn’t say anything about it.

“Well the other overlords have been holding a lot more meetings recently because Carmilla and Velvette are fighting, not that those names mean anything to you.” “What are they fighting about?” “I can’t disclose that.” To her surprise, Adam didn’t push. She continued.

“On top of that, I’ve got all these new contracts, I definitely took on too many deals recently, but the more souls I own, the more powerful I am.”

“I can respect that. I guess Lute isn’t the only Danger Tits I know.”

(Name) rolled her eyes. “Stop talking about tits.” “Aw, but yours are so nice, babe.” (Name) found herself actually flustered by the comment, but didn’t let it show on her face.

Her tail swished, giving away the fact she was flustered, but luckily Adam didn’t know her well enough yet to realize her tell. (Name) noticed vaguely that she’d thought yet.

Like she was going to let Adam get to know her better. Although, she supposed she already was.

They talked for a while longer, discussing (Name)’s life in Hell as an overlord, and occasionally things about Adam. But she noted he let her do most of the talking. When the conversation came to a natural conclusion, (Name) realized she’d been there for almost two hours.

“Fuck, I have to go,” she said, and Adam stood. Wordlessly, he made a portal in the middle of his living room. Before (Name) stepped through it, he spoke. “Maybe we can do this again?”

(Name) smiled to herself.

“Yeah. Maybe we can.”

[dark-frosted-heart]

Crown’s Medical Records

You can find Liam’s by @/archiveikemen here

For the sake of length of this post because I decided to put them all in one, I’ll be skipping their sex, height, and curse. And as usual, can’t guarantee 100% accuracy on this.

William Rex

- Medical history: Nothing in particular. Needs to be mindful of getting heatstroke.

- Patient’s complaints: Nothing in particular

- Remarks: A man who is always in a good mood and has many unknowns. A repository of information that can be inquired endlessly. Overindulges on strawberries.

Harrison

- Medical history: Nothing in particular. *Tends to consume an excessive amount of sugar (Blood has been tested, no current issues)

- Patient’s complaints: Eyestrain from work

- Remarks: Once made him abstain from sugar. Would not speak to me for a week. Scary when irritated.

Elbert

- Medical history: Anorexia (loss of appetite, not anorexia nervosa)

- Patient’s complaints: Nothing in particular

- Remarks: Hates doctors; I’m the only exception. Seems to be low on energy//have low vitality. Not the type to die so easily. Eat more.

Alfons

- Medical history: Multiple ailments from childhood malnutrition (completely recovered). History of binge eating (no current problems). Tested negative for all STDs *has a strong immune system.

- Patient’s complaints: Nothing in particular

- Remarks: Always erratic but in exceedingly good health with a stomach as tough as a monster’s. Try to be friendlier toward an old friend.

Roger

- Medical history: Myopia. Presence of anti-drug antibodies.

- Patient’s complaints: Muscle pain after working out.

- Remarks: Tends to drink too much, but beer is life. Give me a fluffy dog when I’m tired. P.S. The cutest lover in the world is my weakness.

Jude

- Medical history: Childhood malnutrition. Multiple injuries. Smoking addict. Asthma: Flares up when seasons change

- Patient’s complaints: None in particular

- Remarks: Bronchial issues. Personality issues. A promise to save him when he’s dying (in exchange for huge medical fees)

Ellis

- Medical history: Minor trauma

- Patient’s complaints: None in particular

- Remarks: Always running around the garden with Ale, healthy all around. I hope you continue to eat, play, and grow.

Victor

- Medical history:

- Patient’s complaints:

- Remarks: No medical records due to person in question frequently escaping. Will catch one day and examine thoroughly.

[opennwindows]

If you can, could I request BEN Drowned fluff / smut headcanons like about himself, with his headcanon age, hobbies, facts, what he is into or would like & want in a relationship, and what he would be like with a gamer girlfriend/ s/o?

If ya taking requests rn still?✨😇😊💖

Ben Drowned general + NSFW hcs

A/N: yes!! absolutely. i love getting to talk about how the pastas do their pastaing in my mind. i have so many headcanons for everyone that im excited to share!! also sorry i forgot to include the gamer gf part but i don't think it would change a lot of what i wrote!!

btw sorry for fucking dying i have been busy 😭😭 but no one worry i will still continue to work on requests!! if anyone has any marble hornets stuff they wanna request i will zoom you to the front of the queue so fucking quick. anyways enough of me yapping.

cw: 18+ nsfw, toxic relationships, crying kink,

GENERAL

ben is mentally and physically 22, but he can be quite emotionally immature at times. when he died he never stopped growing and maturing, his soul was just stuck in limbo. think like the worst waiting room ever.

he's surprisingly tall, standing at about 5'9. he's lanky but not bone thin. could easily get pretty far in a fight without his ghost powers.

the link costume only appears when he’s in his ghost form. so for example, when he’s messing with someone on their computer he’ll appear as the canon BEN we’re most familiar with. when he’s just chilling in his physical body, he mostly wears beat up hoodies and sweatpants.

contrary to popular belief, ben's not the hardcore gamer everyone thinks he is. sure, he'll play some overwatch or whatever when he's bored but he honestly just prefers to watch tv and browse the internet. understandably REFUSES to play any zelda games. if you were trapped in a video game for decades would you ever wanna touch it again? exactly.

ben loves to draw little comics and troll (see: horrifically traumatize) people online. god forbid you get into twitter beef with this man because he will crawl through your monitor at 3am and leave you with a crippling fear of technology. dude thinks it's absolutely hilarious. a true knee slapper.

lowkey has a sugar addiction. will slam down 4 cans of pepsi in one sitting. he's very lucky that he's basically a ghost because the kidney stones would be plentiful.

ROMANTIC

you know that guy with the blown out speakers in his car, lives off of energy drinks and burnt blue razz ice elfbars, swears aphex twin is the modern mozart and works on the grill at your local wendy’s? yeah thats ben. or at least would be him if he was still human.

“why would you need a chair, my lap is literally right here babe.”

would absolutely wear your skin if given the opportunity. not in a weird way. he’s just EXTREMELY touchy.

he needs someone who is significantly more organized and motivated than him. he can go almost a week without showering and it should honestly be considered biological warfare when he tries to smother you with affection during these episodes.

after awhile of you guys dating he LOVES the idea of y’all showering together. he has a fear of water and while showers aren’t too much of a trigger, your presence helps ease his anxiety.

favorite pet names: bro, dude, dawg, babe, bitch (non derogatory)

not really a romantic but he tries his best. a perfect date for him is just getting some takeout, watching youtube, talking about stupid shit and play fighting. if you want something more traditional or extravagant then he’ll oblige to make you happy but those types of dates make him feel quite suffocated and nervous. try to save those for special occasions.

now let’s talk about his problems because just like the other creeps he is ANGSTY.

he’s probably the most emotionally stable and healthiest of the group but he definitely still has his toxic traits, after all this man is a ghost that mentally tortures and kills his victims through manipulation.

ben would never ever get physical with his partner no matter how enraged he is but he absolutely is the type to do some mental damage when he gets carried away. ben drowned? more like ben gaslighted.

the type to say some shit that would keep you up for years and then kiss you the next morning like the argument never happened. he finds it easier to ignore problems than to actively talk and fix them. you’re gonna have to teach him some important communication skills or else you’ll grow to resent him after all the bottled up rage.

a bit too brutally honest and blunt for his own good so if you have thin skin the relationship would fall apart pretty quickly. he wants someone who can drag him twice as hard as he dragged you. bonus points if your insults are consistently funny as hell.

please watch anime with him and discuss it. he would propose on the spot, especially if you play with his hair.

pro player tip: if you want him to clean his disgusting room, help him and make it fun! he just needs a little push and motivation at times. and being around you makes him want to get his shit together.

big fan of late night make-out sessions. i’m talking like 45 minutes straight of just slobbering on each other’s faces with tongues down throats. if you don’t want his hands running over every inch of your body then you’ll probably have to chain him to the wall.

NSFW

okay. so he’s a little inexperienced with his hands. he’s just a slow learner. be vocal with him about what you like!!

ben's about 7inches and slightly skinnier than average but he will have you seeing stars in record time. the dick game is no joke. he tends to go fast and deep most times.

i can see him being a switch in the idgaf-as-long-as-i’m-fucking way. dude will go with the flow and will try mostly anything.

definitely one of the least aggressive pastas during sex. he has sadistic tendencies but he’s more of a edge/overstimulate you until you cry versus a beat the shit out of you and rip hair out of your scalp type. he’s pretty vanilla given his occupation.

despite his love of roasting the fuck out of you on a daily basis, the only words that come out of this man’s mouth is heavenly praise. he looks at you like you’re the most gorgeous being on the planet and he’ll let you know it.

he loves to whisper praises into your ear while you ride him.

he's more of a receiver than a giver when it comes to oral. he'll absolutely spend hours between your legs if given the chance but nothing beats the sight of you on your knees and teary eyed with his length in your mouth.

he can be a bit of a head pusher but just let him face-fuck you every now and then, hearing his loud moans will be worth it.

did i mention how much of a crying kink this man has? you guys could be on round three and if he stares at your teary eyed fucked-out face for longer than 10 seconds he'll immediately get hard again. you'll have to beg him to give your poor body a break.

he's also into choking but only if he's the one doing it. if you try to restrict his breathing he'll panic and the mood would get ruined.

[pinksugardollz]

Self Care Guide For Bad Mental Health Days

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨♡୧⋆ ˚｡⋆

♡ let yourself cry! feeling sad when you have bpd can feel like the world is ending, but it isn’t. feeling sad is normal, and it’s completely okay. don’t demonise your emotions. let it out

♡ cuddle with your pets! cats are absolutely amazing for this, dogs too. lil furry babies make me so happy and cheer me up so much when im feeling low

♡ take as many naps as you need without guilt. rest rest rest, even on your good days! stop overworking yourself

♡ shower, you don’t have to do your full routine, just make sure you wash yourself then apply your favourite lotion and sweet scented perfume

♡ cosy up and watch something that makes you happy. nostalgic tv shows are great, on my bad days i really love watching spongebob bratz or strawberry shortcake

♡ invest in a 2L water bottle and keep it by your bed for those low motivation days

♡ light your favourite bakery scented candle, sweet scents always uplift my mood

♡ do not isolate yourself, try to keep in contact with friends or family

♡ eat some chocolate or chips, whatever your favourite comfort food is. your happiness is more important than your diet

♡ if you’re struggling to get out of bed, try keeping everything you need on your bedside table so you can still do your skincare routines and take your daily vitamins from your bed

♡ run a nice relaxing bubble bath!!!

♡ put on some cosy pjs & grab a pink fluffy blanket and snuggle on the sofa instead of staying in bed all day

♡ set rules for yourself, write some things you that want to achieve in a day. such as keeping your skin moisturised, shower twice a day, drink enough water, getting out of bed. anything that applies to you. self care can become confusing and daunting, so write everything down to remind yourself to look after and cherish yourself

♡ make sure you’re eating enough. even if you’re not feeling hungry, if you don’t have the energy to cook, order takeout! it’s ok to eat takeout sometimes, just not all of the time as junk food can be highly addictive, and obviously isn’t very good for you

♡ try writing down your thoughts and feelings. i love journaling and covering the pages with pink stickers and making it look all pretty, it’s so therapeutic

♡ reach out to a mental health professional if things get too bad. this may feel hard, but if you need help desperately pls get it

♡ acknowledge that what you’re feeling is just temporary, whatever you’re feeling won’t last forever

♡ make sure you’re getting enough sleep. whenever i didn’t get enough sleep in the past, i would sometimes start seeing and hearing things, and would become very paranoid and disassociated, which is obviously not what anyone wants. so pls pls pls make sure you’re prioritising your sleep

♡ treat yourself, buy something pink and pretty just because you can

♡ take a day or 2 off work (if allowed)

tiny disclaimer: these tips may seem obvious to those of you without serious mental health problems, and they may be things you do everyday but when someone with mental health problems is in a really bad place, they can sometimes forget how to look after themselves properly, or in my case a few years ago i would just stop caring about myself. i love all of my pretty sugar dollies so much, look after yourselves and i really hope some of these tips help you 🎀🦢

[the-oblivious-writer]

Tara Carpenter: Headcanons

Headcanons

Note: Random Tara hcs that've been running through my mind

I feel like she's a picky eater - like "orders chicken fingers and french fries at fancy restaurants" picky eater

Steals Borrows Sam's clothes

Has knee problems. Even before gf she had shitty knees but gf certaintly didn't help

She walks with a little limp that's a result of Amber's attacks

Hated gym. She constantly tried to get out of it by bringing up her asthma or saying she was on her period/pmsing

Always begged Sam to let her ride in the shopping cart whenever they went grocery shopping (still does)

She's a funny/flirty drunk and grows clingy

She could zone out for hours on an object, observing it in all its glory

She has allergies (Sam's been epi-pen trained for as long as Tara's been alive)

Tried weed once. Instant regret.

Eats youtube essays UP

Short attention span. Can't watch a tiktok longer than 2 seconds without someone playing subway surfers on the other side

If something genuinely interests her, she's gonna know a shit-load about it (ex: sharks or lizards)

Addicted to energy drinks and coffee - really anything with caffeine she's downing

Texts like she's sending you a ransom note

Hates her birthday, hates Christmas, tolerates Halloween

Puts hot sauce on everything. Ketchup used to be the thing she put on everything, but as she says to Sam and her friends, she's matured since then

Two left feet, terrible coordination

Farsighted. Can't see for shit without being at least 10 feet away. She's stubborn about it too. Whenever Sam confronts her about it, she brushes it off as nothing before walking into a wall

Laughs at the most unserious things/during inappropriate moments

Spongebob lover, they're the same person idc

Complains about Sam's snoring even though she's just as loud a snorer - if not louder

Puts ketchup in her mac n' cheese and calls it a delicacy. Since she was left to take care of herself - her Sam and sperm doner being gone and Christina off at business trips - she learned to do with what she had You know when Janine (abott elementary) mixed peanut butter with her ramen? Or when Jake (brooklyn nine nine) called a spoon full of mayo with nuts sprinkled on top a snack? Yeah. Tara.

When Sam first had a chance to see the atrocious meals Tara put together, she started teaching Tara how to cook basic, and proper, meals. At least she's trying to

Tara gets a little too excited when she's put on chopping duty

Sleeps with a night light (those ladybug ones have her name written all over it)

'Lilo and Stich' is her comfort movie, this isn't up for debate. She feels connected to the movie on another level, and every time she watches it she ends up in tears

-----------

A/N: I feel strongly about the last one

[yunxi-11085]

Incorrect Quotes w/ honkai ppl time~

note ¡ second time using incorrect quotes generator I'm using more characters & relationships now :D first time is here!!

let's start~~ scroll down for more^^

prompt 1 : Jing yuan & yanqing & gn! reader! (same age as yanqing & friends?? Jing yuan as the father figure to you too omo

Jing yuan : I know you snuck out last night.

Yanqing : Play dumb!

You : Who's you?

Yanqing : Not that dumb!

prompt 2 ¡ Jing yuan & yanqing & gn! reader (same as the first one aaa it's so cute)

Store Worker : Would a mr. Jing yuan please come to the front desk?

Jing yuan, arriving at the desk : Hello, is there a problem?

Store Worker : points to you and yanqing

Store Worker : I believe they belong to you?

You and Yanqing, simulataneously : We got lost :(

Jing yuan : I didn't even bring you guys here with me—

prompt 3 ¡ Jing yuan x reader?? w/ mentioned yanqing (this is so cute omfg)

Jing yuan : you, what do IDK, LY, and TTYL mean?

You: I don’t know, love you, talk to you later

Jing yuan : Ok, I love you too, I’ll just ask yanqing.

prompt 4 ¡ Jing yuan & reader & yanqing??

Jing yuan : If you had to choose between (you) and all the money I have in my wallet, which would you choose?

Yanqing: That depends, how much money are we taking about?

You: yanqing!

Jing yuan : 63 cents.

Yanqing: I'll take the money.

You: YANQING!!!

prompt 5 ¡ march 7 & Dan heng & caelus & stelle & reader

so so cute

march 7: We’ve been conducting an ongoing study to see what Dan heng will and will not eat.

you: Grass? Yes!

march 7: Moss? Yes!!

you: Leaves? Ohh, yes!

march 7: Shoelaces? Strange but true!

you: Worms? Sometimes!

march 7: Rocks? Usually nah.

you: Twigs? Usually!

march 7: stelle's cooking? Inconclusive!

caelus: How did you… test this?

march 7: You just hand them stuff and say ‘eat this’ and if they eat it, they eat it.

caelus: ... I don’t know how to feel about this.

stelle: IS THAT WHERE ALL MY SPARE SHOELACES WENT?

prompt 6 ¡ march 7 & Dan heng & caelus & stelle & reader

march 7: You really put aside everything and came all this way for me? How did you even get here so fast?

you: Several traffic violations.

Dan heng: Three counts of resisting arrest.

caelus: Roughly thirteen cans of energy drinks.

stelle: Also, that’s not our car.

prompt 7 ¡ march 7 & Dan heng & caelus & stelle & reader

march 7: Good morning.

you: Good morning.

Dan heng: Good morning.

caelus: You all sound like robots, try spicing it up a bit.

stelle: MORNING MOTHERFUCKERS

I absolutely adore husband Jing yuan son yanqing and the troublemaking trio LMFAOO I just HAD to make a second prompt post because of my new addiction it seems 🤣🤣

if you would like me to write a fic with these prompts feel free to send me an ask for comment on this post! I'd be super happy to write!

[otdiaftg]

The King's Men - Chapter Seven

Day: Wednesday, January 17th Time: 8:30 PM EST

"And he says it isn't a righteous streak," Andrew mused, more to himself than to Neil. "If it was righteousness I'd ask you to give up drinking and smoking, too," Neil said. "I'm only asking for this one thing. It doesn't have any effect on you anyway and it's an unnecessary risk. You don't need a third addiction." "I don't need anything," Andrew reminded him, right on cue. "If you don't need it, it'll be easy to give it up," Neil said. "Right?" Andrew thought it over a minute, then flicked his cigarette at Neil. It singed the material where it bounced off his shirt. Neil ground it out under his shoe when it hit the asphalt. The cool look he flicked Andrew was wasted; Andrew's gaze had already drifted past him in search of something more interesting. "I'm going to take your temper tantrum as a yes," Neil said. "I'll bring the money by your room tonight." "Will you?" Andrew slid his stare back to Neil's face. "Rather, can you? Aaron doesn't want you in the room anymore, Nicky says. Something about you inviting yourself to fights that aren't your concern?" He waggled his hand in a so-so kind of gesture. "This phone tag nonsense has left the message a little unclear. Perhaps you'll explain to my face why you're suddenly so interested in my brother's life." "I'm not," Neil said. "Without the lies," Andrew added. "I'm not," Neil said again. "I can't stand him, but we're out of time. I told you last October we can't make it to finals if we're a fractured mess. You two are holding us back. I had to start with one of you. Since everyone bets on Aaron and Katelyn, I thought he'd fight you for her." "Wouldn't that be an interesting change of pace," Andrew said. "See also: a waste of energy and effort. He might try, but he won't win." "You have to let him go." "Oh," Andrew said, as if this was news to him. "Do I?" "You'll lose him if you don't," Neil said. "He'll keep pushing Katelyn away if you tell him to, but he'll resent you for it. He'll count down the days until graduation and when it comes you'll never see him again. You're not stupid. I know you can see it. Let him go now if you ever want him to come back." "Who asked you?" "You didn't have to. I'm volunteering my opinion." "Don't," Andrew advised him. "Children should be seen and not heard." "Don't dismiss me for lying to you then ignore me when I tell the truth." "This is not truth," Andrew said. "Truth is irrefutable and untainted by bias. Sunrise, Abram, death: these are truths. You cannot judge a problem with your obsession goggles on and call it truth. You aren't fooling either of us." "If you ask for half the truth, you'll only get half the truth," Neil said. "It's your fault if you don't like the answers I give you, not mine. But as long as we're talking about obsession and Aaron's life, what are you going to do about his trial? She's going to be here for it, isn't she? Cass, I mean," Neil said, though he was sure Andrew knew who he was talking about. "You're going to have to face her." "Seen and not heard," Andrew reminded him. He sounded bored, but Neil knew a warning when heard one. Neil let it slide and went back inside.

Art used with permission by ouijacine. Thank you @ouijacine.

[hard-core-super-star]

make every mistake [H.Steinfeld]

pairing: hailee steinfeld x reader

summary: you run into your ex at the vanity fair party, almost a full year after your breakup, and are forced to accept some hard truths.

warnings: technically none; bitter exes being bitter but also getting distracted; A LOT of references to cheating [very open to interpretation, though; more than one reference to JA; rubix please get over sunkissing challenge; did not proofread at all so it might not make the most sense at times; does this count as a ventfic?

wordcount: 1.5k

a/n: i was supposed to be writing something else [what a surprise lmao] but...it's sunkissing's anniversary and unfortunately, that song still means a lot to me and i needed to be nostalgic for a second. plus, last year's vanity fair party is what inspired me to start writing fanfiction again so...consider this a very weird, bitter, and nostalgic first anniversary celebration. i hope you enjoy and thank you so much for your love, support, and patience this past year, i plan to continue writing for you guys for a LONG while <3 [and yes, this is sunkissing (sad girl edition)]

* * * * * * * Whoever coined the phrase,”wrong place, right time,” as a good thing seriously owes you some compensation. It implies that there could be something possibly good in the situation you’re in but what could be good about being stuck at the same party your ex is also at?

Of course, that person might get along with your friends who have been trying to convince you that this situation is a fantastic opportunity for you to show how happy you are. Something that would work if it were true.

But it’s not.

How could happiness be anywhere on your radar when every time you interact with someone, they’re quick to remind you your ex-girlfriend is currently parading around with a quarterback? Not to mention, the amount of cheating rumors hasn’t been helping you feel much better about the situation.

Maybe you’re overly petty or arrogant, maybe even codependent, but time has done little to heal the wounds caused by a certain actress.

Which is why you were supposed to be out having fun in the first place…although maybe all of this could have been avoided if a certain 22-year-old hadn’t lied her ass off and told you there was no chance in hell your ex would show up.

All you know is you’re stuck in a room full of people you don’t care about, anxiously looking around every few minutes hoping you won’t run into her. It’s exhausting but it’s also highly addictive.

You’re in the middle of debating ditching Billie and the rest of your friends instead of torturing yourself for another hour when you catch a glimpse of the person you’ve been trying to avoid all night. 

Your eyes find her for just a few seconds and yet the whole world seems to stop all at once. 

Just like the first time.

You wouldn’t say you have a habit of romanticizing the past…except when it comes to Hailee Steinfeld and her ridiculously enchanting energy. A lot of things have changed since the day you met but the one thing you’re sure will remain a part of you forever is the way your heart takes off running when she's around.

Running away would be easy. It would probably be the solution to your impending problem and yet you stay. Because as much as you hate to admit it…you’ve missed her. Seeing just a glimpse of her feels like ecstasy after spending so long trying to erase the thought of her from your mind.

You know you’re chasing after someone who isn’t even there anymore, someone who vanished the day Hailee chose to go out to dinner with that guy instead of coming home to you. The person you love has been shoved back into far more closets than you can count but you’re an addict and the thought of getting her back for just a few minutes gives you a greater high than anything else ever could.

So, despite the thousands of reasons not to, you find yourself walking toward her. You tell yourself it’ll be fine, she’s in the middle of ordering a drink and the chances of her paying attention to you are close to zero.

You quickly learn close to zero isn’t enough.

You arrive at the bar right when she’s turning around to go back to whoever it is she’s pretending to get along with tonight. Her eyes instantly find yours and whatever liquid courage you had fades away in that very same instant.

For a second, you expect her to walk away without even acknowledging your presence, but then her mouth opens. “I can’t believe you actually left the house for this.”

There were a thousand sentences you were hoping to hear her say and the one she chose is nowhere on it. It does nothing except remind you of all the infuriating reasons why you can’t be around her anymore.

“Gee thanks, don’t sound too excited.”

She merely shrugs, acting like she can’t see the way your smile drops. “Just being honest.”

At some point in your relationship, you would have made fun of her for sounding so much like the characters she loves to play on TV but today, her attitude pisses you off like nothing else.

“Honest, huh?” You scoff. “That's gold coming from the cheater.”

There’s a flash of something in her eyes, mostly annoyance, and you know damn well that’s exactly what you’re looking for. A sign that she’s still human despite how much she loves to pretend like she doesn’t have feelings anymore.

Unfortunately, you’re sure her reaction has more to do with the fact that you’re in a room full of people who could overhear you than anything else.

“Oh, come on. I didn't cheat on you,” she says in the exact same tone as all the times before.

“Right, right, you just casually had dinner with your new boyfriend while we were still dating.”

A crack begins to form in her facade but you’re too annoyed to celebrate. 

All she does is groan before placing her drink down on the bar and coming toward you. She wraps her hand around your arm, seemingly unaware of the sparks her touch ignites, and drags you toward the first secluded area she finds.

“Are we seriously going to have this fight again?” She questions you once you’re away from prying eyes.

“Sure,” you reply. “The only thing we ever do is fight.”

“Stop acting like I’m the only one in the wrong here. We both made mistakes.”

You scoff. “You’re right, I trusted you wholeheartedly. What a stupid mistake.”

“Oh my God.” She throws her hands up, frustration dripping out of her every pore, and yet she makes no move to walk away from you. “You haven’t changed one bit.”

“Changing isn’t always such a good thing. Just ask Martini and Brando, I bet they love the weather in Buffalo.”

It’s another cheap shot and you know it. Most of all, you see it. The flash of hurt that lingers in the eyes you know so well. 

“Don’t,” she warns.

You can’t stop yourself from adding more fuel to the fire despite her warning. “Why? Is that more honesty than you can handle?”

“y/n, stop. You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“You’re right, I don’t know. Because I have no idea who you are anymore.”

It suddenly strikes you that you’ve had the same exact conversation with her before. You don’t know why you keep doing the same thing and hoping for a different ending. Especially considering Hailee is the most stubborn person you’ve ever met.

“You’re not the only one,” she says with a sigh, practically deflating in front of your eyes. “Believe it or not, you’re not the only person I’ve disappointed lately.”

“No offense but that’s the most accurate thing you’ve said in a while.”

A small chuckle escapes her and the sound instantly brings you back to simpler times. To spontaneous dates at the beach, random car drives to the middle of nowhere to watch the sunset, sleepless nights spent helping her rehearse for an early morning shoot the next day.

To being in love.

Back when your love actually mattered.

“Do you ever regret it?” You find yourself whispering into the space between you after a long silence. “Regret us?”

Her answer might split you in two but you're tired of the desperation that clings to you from the sheer amount of unsaid things that still linger in your mind. 

“No,” she replies, her voice so quiet you almost miss it. “I regret how things ended, I regret what I did to you…do you?”

You shake your head before you can stop yourself, the truth spilling out of you just as fast as the tears that painted your face the day she left. “I regret…how much I love you…how impossible it is for me to hate you.”

For a split second, you catch sight of the Hailee you once fell in love with. The one with warm eyes and the softest smile imaginable. The one who could easily break your walls down with a single chuckle. 

“Give it a few days,” she replies. “It’ll stop being so impossible.”

 It’s ridiculous how enamored her words make you. It’s also stupid and infuriating that no matter how badly you want to walk away from her, you can’t find a way to make your feet move. You’re stuck and that growing smirk on her face tells you she knows exactly how much you’re struggling.

“No witty comeback?” She questions, her head tilting slightly to the side in an almost mocking gesture.

“I’m just trying to decide if I should slap you or not.” Your words hold no real bite to them, even if you wish they did, and you both have to pretend neither of you notice the way you lean toward her.

Her eyes betray her as they slide down your face until they reach your lips. Her gaze rests there for longer than would be appropriate for an exchange between old friends. But you’re not old friends. You’re something more. Something that exceeds categories and reasons.

Something that rests completely in the space between your mouths.

It should be easy to turn away from her…but it isn’t…and you can’t stop yourself from meeting her half-way when she leans in close enough for you to feel her breath on your lips.

It’s a mistake.

But it’s one you make as easily as falling in loving her.

[thesarcasticreader]

PAC 18+: WHO IS HAVING WHAT FANTASIES ABOUT YOU?

IF YOU ARE MINOR, OFF YOU GO FROM THIS POST. ENJOY A TEA PARTY, NOT AN 18+ READING!

These are general readings meant for entertainment purposes. You can partake in advice, but do not let it cloud your decision-making.

I do take paid readings. You can contact me for them. Make sure you have either Paypal or Gpay! DM for the price list!

(IMAGES ARE TAKEN FROM PINTEREST)

Pile 1:

This person will love hugging. It's not a kink but they love it very much. For very few, they could be into the whole spanking thing. They are on the dominant side. They fancy you misbehaving and them schooling you, so there's that.

They love seeing you in flowy, risqué dresses. Something about wearing basically that netted lingerie is coming through. They would want you to embrace your body as it is and prefer it when you do not hide your body from them. They will want you naked all the time. If you are home, you remain naked. That’s their rule. This person hates beating around the bush when it comes to sex. They see it as a natural thing, and they do not give a fuck about what the world says. They live fully.

They will play out every single one of their fantasy. They love cuddling after sex. You two can share some food and drinks or even cigarettes if that's your thing afterwards. Your pillow talk will include food.

Strawberry would be their favourite food. You could smell or taste like strawberries to them.

They love blowjobs/ oral from you. They literally cannot get enough of your mouth. They would die a very happy person if they received orals for the rest of their lives.

They are scared of losing you to someone else. They would write you love letters and even give you gift baskets randomly. They would love to take you out for a picnic and then draw out an orgasm or two.

This person is religious and traditional. They may ask your assistance if they are into witchcraft Lilly and orchids may have relevance. Marriage is sacred to them. They only marry when they are sure.

They don’t want anyone who is materialistic. Out of place but this person loves a fluffy bed with a lot of pillows. Guess they use the pillows to settle you in the perfect position. Try it if you haven't. It helps.

They aren’t vanilla but they aren’t crazy wild either. This is respectful sex with multiple rounds.

They love coloured hair. They are going to be obsessed with watching you sleep. They may even wake you up with sex. Morning sex is their favourite. Take it as it resonates but threesomes orgies may be their thing. Or at least they will fantasize about it. They may have grown up on a farm. Their fantasies include taking you from behind and fingering you at the same time.

They are the more dominant in the relationship. You two are tied to fate or maybe a twin flame.

Pile 2:

Death by orgasm. That's it. That's what came through immediately. You will be a little overwhelmed when you sleep with this person. They give it all. All or nothing is their motto.

This person is super possessive. They will not tolerate anyone hitting on you. They will mark their territory, drag you home and mark you some more. A very heavy Scorpio energy. You or they may have a Scorpio venus. Capricorn is prevalent too.

Makeup sex would be their thing. They fight and fuck. Hehe.

Sore body parts and all the work. You probably know where this is going, but the relationship with this person can be toxic.

Britney's Toxic playing in the background. 🎶🎶With a taste of your lips, I'm on a ride You're toxic, I'm slippin' under With a taste of a poison paradise I'm addicted to you🎶🎶

Anyway, To alleviate stress this person would go for sex. Let’s put it this way. All of life’s problem has one solution according to this person and that’s sex. This person's approach is flawed but in an odd way. They are not overly optimistic but they aren't pessimistic either. You could describe their view of the world as mundane. Is that a weird word? Sure. But it's true. They are flexible in thinking but they don't give two fucks about things.

This person may piss you off a bit sometimes. They can be secretive and impulsive. They have a mouth that runs a mile too long. This can frustrate you and flare insecurities, that's why if you meet this person or have met this person, hesitate to enter into this relationship until you are sure that this person has the ability to self-reflect and adapt.

They love your boobs. They stare at those a lot. For the male audience, the feminine is going to be leaving bite marks all over your upper body. Plus if you ever try to seduce them, they are a goner. The fun part is if you tease them throughout the day bit by bit. They are going to torture you through the night. Delaying orgasms, and edging all the good but frustrating stuff  This person expresses themselves through sex.

Hibiscus may be important for this pile. Pineapple is what they would describe your smell. There may be communication issues at the beginning of this relationship. This person will learn to listen. Be patient with them. Rough hardcore sex is their thing. Oof, your poor legs.

This person has a lot of healing to do. This feels like a twin flame thing. It's not bad, but there is a lot of misunderstanding because many of the habits are being reflected and they/ you may want to run away from but cannot.

Pile 3:

This person will indulge in a lot of car sex and kitchen sex. This person is someone who will love to introduce aphrodisiacs in the bedroom or the kitchen, anyway.

Shower sex is there but you guys are not going to indulge in that one very much.

Vanilla is what you smell like to them. Poison ivy may have some relevance to this pile. Plants have come through for each pile. So idk if that's a message for me to start doing green witchcraft or encourage people for the same. Confusing times.

This person would love to tie your legs together, hold them up and pound it out. In the case of the feminine, she will love to tie you up. Her personality is going to be more dominant than yours. She would not be shy about sex. This pile may be drawn to pile 1 as well. There is a lot of difference in the relationship dynamics and that may be why you chose this pile.

This person is very transformative. They like to adapt and change as per the world. Not in a superficial way, but having a transformational mindset. They are very, very progressive. This person could like the colour green.

This person may travel a lot too. You would have to opportunity to explore a lot of places with this person. Greece, Turkey and Morrocco came straight through. This person will introduce you to a part of this world you would have never thought you would be a part of. This person does seem financially well-off. Like taking two trips to foreign countries rich. That's pretty amazing. You may be expecting a little more from this person but you do have certain financial insecurity which you could project onto them. Time to do shadow work!

You are going to be smaller than this person if you are feminine. And for the masculine, this person is going to be smaller than you.

You know how some people mark great memories of new places with sex? Yeah. That’s this person. You guys will celebrate with sex when you travel to a new place.

Basically very experimental, not dull and dour. Tying you up may be on the menu every now and then while teasing with a vibrator.  This person would love to gift you sex toys  And you are going to love to tease this person. They are a big fan of that habit.

They love to see you masturbate. Knee-high boots and wearing nothing is the key to their pants. They might give you a red necklace as a present too.

They love grabbing you when you walk past them. It could be the ass the boobs whatever. There is also another element. You two gossip a lot.

Like if there’s tea that either of you heard, both of you know. There is no point in asking you to not tell anyone because you will tell this person. You two are like besties.

IF YOU WANT MORE READINGS, YOU CAN CHECK MY INSTAGRAM: @A_sarcastic_Reader.

[penvisions]

garnish {chapter 9}

Pairing: Chef! Joel Miller x Bartender! Reader

Summary: Life is weird. Human connection is weird. But you finally are in a spot to listen to what Joel has to say, even if your mind is already made up.

Word Count: 5.4k

Warnings: canon typical language, restaurant lingo, talk of food, consumption of food, smoking, references of nicotine addiction, nicotine, cigarettes, drinking, references to alcoholism, insinuations of infidelity, complicated relationship dynamics, reader feels a lot of anxiety, sexual content, p in v smut, unprotected p in v, cream pie

A/N: this was a hard one to sit down and get done, i feel so removed from this story for some reason. it's turned into something i didn't expect and i love it, do not get me wrong. but it's just a hard dynamic for me write about at the moment. hope y'all like this one, only one more to go!

ao3 link || series masterlist || main masterlist || ko-fi

Your boxes were in the living room, bathed in easy early morning light when you turned the handle of the front door. Joel was a still figure on the couch, head hanging between his legs and cradled in his hands. Hair mused and frizzy from the endless brushing of his fingers through the thick locks.

He must’ve dosed off, you thought, as you quietly closed the door behind you. But when you turned back around, he was standing next to the boxes with a haggard look about him. Clothes disheveled and showing the wrinkles of his endless pacing and fidgeting throughout the night. You jumped, not having heard him move up from his spot and closer to you.

“Figured we could unpack today…if that’s somethin’ you would want.” His words were clear, but you could sense the hesitancy behind them, the uncertainty of where you were at and what you wanted obvious in his every muscle.

“I want to know why.” You regretted the crack rough quality of your voice, of the faint lingering haze of nicotine from the cigarette you had smoked on the porch before building up the courage to cross the threshold. Distant worry that you would find the woman from the night before asleep on the couch or the guest room downstairs. That they would be enjoying a nuclear family breakfast, Sarah having been called to come down and help Joel deal with what was an obvious issue with the girl’s mother. It was foolish to spend energy on the what if’s but that’s what your brain did, every second of every day since you were a small girl yourself. Endlessly tiring and anxiety inducing.

But this was a situation where you believe it was warranted. Any relationship has a person whose name could be brought up and instantly cause problems. And not for lack of understanding and an abundance of care for each other. But society has but such a strict label on what is appropriate behavior for friends and what isn’t. The same for people in a romantic relationship. It was all bullshit, but anything other was looked at with discontent and judgement born of nothing but devotion to those strict labels that had no impact on genuine human connection.

This was a situation you had never anticipating being smack dab in the middle of, between two distant co-parents to a biological daughter only a few years younger than you and an adopted one even younger than that. The what ifs were endless.

They rendered you silent for a moment, moving through the space toward the kitchen. He followed you, his own thoughts scrambled as he tried to find an honest answer to give you. You could feel his eyes follow you as you moved about the kitchen, knowing the space as well as your own. Coffee. You were making coffee. A bit of cinnamon on the grounds before turning the pot on and turning to face the man once again, arms coming up as a makeshift shield around your ribcage.

Joel heaved a sigh, hands clenching at his sides in that nervous tick of his. Exhausted eyes with dark color encircling them watched you as you crossed your arms around yourself to try and make yourself small. A thing he’s seen you do a lot when overwhelmed.

“I didn’t do anythin’ after that morning in your kitchen. I swear to you.”

“But the day before?”

“…yes.” His head hung slightly, like the weight of his answer was too heavy for him to bear. Too much of a give away of how he thought of himself, how he felt about the decisions he’s made in his life.

“Joel, that’s….that’s really confusing.” You admitted quietly, knees weakening as the image of him with someone else flashed in your mind. The thought of him with someone he had a connection with, a history with. A child with, grew up with, the same age as him. Close. Important. A part of his life for most of his life.

“I know, this whole damn thing is confusing. I didn’t- I never thought about it past the instances of what would happen. Didn’t dwell on it.” He sighed, shuffling closer and reaching out a hand to you in a silent request. You gently shook your head, not wanting to be touched right now. Unable to resist the warmth and strength of his hands coming around you and holding you tight. One breath against his chest would be your downfall. You needed to stay strong, for now. For as long as you could.

“I shouldn’t have let it go on for as long as it did. Every time she had a bad date or something ended or she was overwhelmed with trying to reconnect with Sarah…it would just happen. And I know that’s not a good enough reason to keep it from everyone. Hell, I don’t even think Tommy knows. But, sweet girl, please, it’s done. I-I-I had her admitted to an in-patient facility to help her with everything she’s struggling with, she wanted to go. The alcohol, the smoking, those habits I picked up from her, but they have such a stronger hold on her than they ever did on me. She’s going to get better with the understanding that I have love for her, for all that she’s been to me. But also that we are no longer going to engage in that way, that she is someone who is family and boundaries were made. I told her about you, really told her about you.”

His heart was bleeding and bare, offered to you in a way you weren’t sure you could handle.

Turning from him, you poured two cups of coffee and took them over to the table, taking a seat before your knees did betray you and no longer support your weight. He followed, leaving space between you lest he spook you. Lest you feel the need to run from him. You didn’t know if you would and could see the same worry in him.

“Okay,” Was all you could say, unsure of how to handle such transparency so early in the morning. It had been a long night, up late with Nia as she told you of all the good things going on in her life. Trying to be supportive despite showing up on her doorstep with dried tear tracks and a hollow feeling in your chest.

You hadn’t told her, had just spent time with her and watched lame movies that wouldn’t be able to pass today’s critics. Stupid, cliché comedies about sororities, about ice skaters who hated each other, about a damn dodge ball competition. Easy to consume media that helped to get you out of your head long enough to laugh at the ridiculous antics until you dozed off with each other on the couch surrounded by candy wrappers and bowls of snacks.

“I’m processing, it’s…it’s not okay, Joel, but I’m accepting what you’re telling me.”

“I was honest when I said I didn’t know how to-“

“Ding dong bitches,” Ellie’s voice sounded as she burst into the room with a duffle bag hanging from her hand and a crooked smile. She paused for the briefest of seconds at the scene of you and Joel on opposite sides of the dining table. A vulnerability shining in both your eyes. A heavy feel to the air of the kitchen surrounding you both. “…everything okay?”

“We’ve had a rough couple of days.” You felt your mood lighten the face of direct interaction with someone other than Joel. Ellie being such a comfort in all her genuine comfortability in herself, in the way Joel’s eyes were bright when he cracked jokes with her or groaned out at one of her less than clever puns. “But we’re okay, promise.”

“Okay, cool. I didn’t wanna be the jackass who waltzed in on like a really tense moment when I’m so excited to be home.” Her smile didn’t quite reach her eyes, knowing that that was exactly what she did and you were both faking it.

“You didn’t, baby girl, promise.” Joel reached out to squeeze your hands laid out on the table with his own but thought better of it at the last second before he stood up and moved around the kitchen.

“Dad, hey, so like the food on the plane sucked and-“

“Already got the stuff to make omelets, give me about fifteen minutes.”

“You rock! Gonna go shower and then we can head to the campus, yeah?”

“Austin?”

“Yeah!” Ellie turned to you, eyes taking in the way you were moving slowly and your eyes hadn’t quite yet cleared. “I’m applying for a graduate program for spring! I graduated earlier this year but being a teacher assistant isn’t exactly racking in the dough, ya know?”

“I warned you,” You joked with her as she came over to give you a side hug from her standing position, a delayed greeting you returned that had Joel turning quickly away from you both.

“Shuuuuut up, I know.” She grumbled. “We can’t all be really good at being fake nice to people and mix drinks, okay? Buuuuuut maybe I could-“

“No.”

“You don’t even know what I was gonna say, ya old dinosaur.”

“You-“ He pointed a mixing spoon in her direction, bowl of cracked eggs in front of him. “Are not coming to work in the restaurant. You know the rules, you live here and go to school full time and everything else is taken care of.”

“Yeah, yeah, you’re the best, okay? We get it.” She stuck her tongue out at him as she walked backwards out of the room, her steps heavy on the stairs as she made her way to her room.

“You really are, Joel.” You said more to the contents of your mug than the man himself. Eyes downcast and thoughts overwhelming.

All you could think about was Joel. All you could feel around you was Joel. He was enthralling, his body moving against you in deep, hard thrusts. His voice was in your ear, grunting your name every so often, his voice traveling down the length of your body and right to your core. He had moved to lay your back against the floor, one of his hands supporting himself by your head while the other was fastened right on your hip. You were trying not to make a keening noise as the head of his cock hit that glorious spot deep inside you over and over again, but you weren’t too confident when his eyes snapped up to try and capture yours where you had been staring at the way sweat was trickling down the column of his neck, pooling at the collar of his white undershirt.

“You’re takin’ me so well.” Your legs clenched tighter around him, your core squeezing his length sinfully tights, at his words. He stilled as he bottomed out on his next thrust, circling his hips to grind down on that spot inside you that had a coiling feeling building up and about to snap in your stomach. Your fingers dug into the curve of his shoulders, trying to urge him to move but when he didn’t, you moved your hips around him, his next words coming out in a low growl. “But you gotta reign in those sounds, darlin’.”

“I’m tryin’.” You panted, throwing your head back as you felt your stomach tighten, you felt so hot, so tense, you were so close. Your voice was wrecked, dripping honey sweet to his ears, the sounds you were making made him think how much more he could get out of you if there was no background worry of waking anyone or drawing attention. Taking his time and dragging out your orgasm as long as he felt fit, making you beg for it. He closed his eyes at the thought, beginning to thrust again. “But it just feels so good, you fill me so well.”

He could feel the tightening deep in his stomach, he wanted to make sure you came before he did. He wanted to take care of you, make sure you got what you needed, just as he felt so desperate himself to chase that high. He straightened up a bit, body no longer caging yours. He put both of his hands on your hips and patted them, the give of your skin so plush and soft under his fingers. “On your knees.”

The command had you positioned on your knees, resting most of your weight on your elbows in ten seconds flat. You looked back at him over your shoulder, seeing the way his eyes were roaming over the curves of your body, his hand lazily pumping himself as he watched you wiggle into place. He choked out a strangled noise when you bumped back into him, slick heat catching the head of his cock. With a growl, he lined up and slammed into you without preamble, hands coming to grip your hips for leverage. You jolted forward, his length hot and hard overwhelming in the best way possible.

He angled his hips, searching for that spot inside you again and he knew he found it when your breath began to hitch with every thrust. He pulled your hips back with every forward thrust, you were clenching so tight around him and he was so close. He just needed to feel you unravel around him. You felt him throb inside you, the feeling overwhelming. You began to push your hips back, chasing that tightening feeling. The long line of him inside you was hot, sending shockwaves through your entire body, you were sweating, pleasure making you clench your eyes shut.

His tip was merciless, hitting that spot just right inside you, you felt small waves of pleasure wash over you. Your legs began to shake, and you bit into your arm when the waves crested and overtook you. You could feel yourself clench around Joel, the man moaning low at the feeling of your orgasm overtaking you. He ground his hips flush against yours, helping to draw it out a little. You went slack below him, shaking legs barely able to hold your hips up for him, once, twice, three times more and he was quickly removing himself and waves of pleasure overtook him as well. You could feel the hot ribbons of his release on your backside, some of it dripping down your folds and earning Joel a filthy moan.

The sound of your panting filled the bedroom as you pushed yourself into a kneeling position, knees spread below you. Behind you, Joel watched the way the moonlight from the window illuminated your body in front of him, the sight of his cum trailing down your ass making him throb where he held himself in his hand. You turned to look at him over your shoulder, your face flushed and eyes blown.

You glanced down to where his cock was barely visible in his large hand, fist tight over his tip as a drop of cum dribbled out. It jerked in his hand, his eyes watching the way you watched him.

The sticky release between your legs catching the moonlight had his heart hammering harder in his chest, heaving as he tried to catch his breath. It had been ages since he had been able to get worked up so immediately afterwards but you were something else, something inspiring, something desirable. From the position you kept in front of him, the glazed over, cock drunk appearance of your eyes. The way your plush bottom lip was taken between your teeth, the ropes of his release painted across your body. For him, just for him, you whispered as you finally locked eyes with him.

And he was pressing back into you, semi hard at just the sight of you. The stuttered gasp that punched from your throat was all the appraisal he needed as he began to move against you again, wanting to paint you completely, your insides this time.

It was late, Joel snoring beside you as he laid out on his stomach with one arm crooked up and beneath his pillow, the other reached out to splay across your stomach. You had taken what he offered, breathing it in like a lifeline, revealing in the feelings that had flowed from him. His apologies, his transgressions, his regrets. All laid out bare for you to see, to pick up in your hands and smooth them over. To take for your own and to accept them. And you did.

He had been so tender as he washed you up in a hot bath, cradled you to his body in the tub of his en suite. Cried into your shoulder let you see him in all his remorse. And your heart ached for him, your soul, everything in you ached for him.

He would give you whatever you needed, he would try his best to help you. Without even a breath of an ask ghosting your lips. He was selfless in that way. Giving his all to those he deemed important and cared for. And that was too much to take from him. Even if he was willing.

But that didn’t change the way you felt.

The dark was a comfort, the sounds of an easy life you could have haunting you as you lay awake for what seemed like hours.

‘You drove all the way to your old apartment before you realized it wasn’t yours anymore. The keys having been handed over to the landlord earlier that month. Reliant on anything people in your close circle were willing to throw your way. Dependent on people once again and that was terrifying. You had sworn you would never be dependent on anyone again, give people the power over you in such a way.

Even if they didn’t have ill intentions.

Even if it was Joel.

The situation with your former professor, with his brother, with the asshole at work; all of them culminating and breaking you down.

Refusing to let anyone have that much of a sway over you, especially if it was a double edged sword.’

Your boxes were still in the living room the next morning, a mirror image of the day before. But in this moment, they didn’t bring you comfort. Seeing them there, waiting for large hands to help you unpack, they looked like a weight you didn’t have the strength to bare. You set the coffee mug in your hands atop the table,

“Was thinkin’ about unpacking this morning, head out and get some stuff you’ll need for around the house.” Joel sipped from his own mug. A bit of sugar added to it this morning, stolen from you before you poured the cream into the first cup. With a snort, you had just reached up to grab another. Breakfast hadn’t been started and with the way your stomach was twisting now, you knew that food wouldn’t even be a thought today. Joel had picked up on it and hadn’t offered to get something going.

“I, um, I don’t think that’s the best idea.” You spoke to the contents of your mug.

“No. No, you don’t get to do this, goin’ and makin’ decisions without hearing me out. Without giving me the chance to explain.” He was suddenly more awake than he had been just seconds ago.

“Joel, please, I’m….I’m so tired and I just…I don’t belong here, in this house where you raised your daughters, where you looked after your brother. Just another chapter of things you’ve given up for people who need lookin’ after. And I don’t wanna be the next one. Not with Ellie potentially moving back for school.”

“It’s not a burden, not if it’s you. It wasn’t with them, that’s…that’s what you do for family, for people you love.”

“You don’t love me.” Your breath carried the words, hands coming up to cover your face as you felt tears sting in the corners of your eyes. The sharp spear of an invisible blade sprouted in the middle of your chest. Once, twice, three times as you watched the emotions play out on his enamoring features.

“Darlin’, I do.” He was suddenly so close, his chair kicked out from the table, now kneeling in front of you with an open expression. His large, brown eyes catching the light and making your chest feel light when he took your hands from your face gently and held them over your knees. “But that’s why I’m gonna let you do what you think is best. I’ll help you find a place, help you with hours at work. Hell, I’d build you a whole damn house if that’s what you wanted, because I love you. I just want you to be happy, sweet girl. You deserve it so much and if I can help you get there: then I will do whatever it takes.”

You were silent, words stuck in your throat. The instinctive response on the tip of your tongue, the return of his sentiment. But it was blocked, drowned out by everything you had ever heard otherwise. Berated towards you and pressed into your very skin, something not so easily overcome if at all. The feeling of being a burden, of being too much, not enough thrummed inside your entire body, mind a cacophony of all the negative things you’ve ever been told.

“Loving someone doesn’t save them.”

He was quiet for a few breaths, watching you from his crouched position, face soft and concerned. His eyes lit up by more than just the morning light now. They were shining with unshed tears.

“Joel, please. Let me do this. Let me take back what I can from everything that’s happened. I-I don’t know if I’ll return to you but believe me when I say thank you.” Your nails dug into the backs of his hands as you gripped them tight, holding onto him with everything you had before you let him go.

The snick and hiss of a bottle being opened was loud in the empty townhome. The walls shining with the drying hues you had spent all day painting to cover the white applied by the rental company between tenants. Your stuff in the bed of three different trucks down on the curb in front of the building. You had found a place a few blocks from the campus, cheaper rent for those who qualified and had affiliation with the university. Joel had been insistent on getting Tommy to help load and move your things from his house.

They had just pulled up, after a quick text to let them know you were ready for them. Ready to fill this new space. Sweet Pea in the walk in closet upstairs with a temporary set up so she didn’t feel abandoned in the new space. It hurt to see that Joel had lined her kennel with a flannel shirt of his that smelled of you both, to help sooth the small cat during the transition from you old home, to his own, and now here.

You had cried over it for a long while before finally getting started on decorating your space with the colors you had picked out to make it feel more like a home.

Both men efficiently moved everything in and set it up where you had asked them too. Working well together and not letting you lift so much as a finger unless it was to point to where something should go.

The hammering of them putting up shelves and the bedframe for both the main bedroom and the guest room was a hum in the background as you busied yourself with making them a meal as a thank you.

The conversation was easy between all three of you. It had ended with Tommy leaving ahead of Joel, giving you both a little privacy. You weren’t sure what Joel had told him, but you kept your own answers with him vague. Not wanting to contradict anything his brother had already shared with him.

It had been slightly awkward, both of you shuffling your feet. You had asked for a hug, his arms coming around you completely for the last time. A kiss placed into your hair for the last time.

Over the next few months as the year began to transition through fall and into winter, you couldn’t bring yourself to keep in contact outside of work. Teaching and grading and working on your final program layout while still working at the restaurant in the evening was wearing you thin. Falling asleep at the desk in your downstairs office, the bed sitting up trying to cuddle with the cats, on the couch surrounded by piles of books and papers that needed to be attended to.

It had already been a month since you quietly requested to meet with Mary and turn in your resignation letter. She had listened to you, heard you out and agreed that should they need to hire anyone or replace anyone they could contact you first to see if you wanted the chance at hours. She had tried to get you to take a cut to them initially, but when you explained that you were going through some stuff that was taking a lot of emotional energy, she acquiesced.

Joel had called once and then left a voicemail marked only thirty seconds, but you hadn’t built up the courage to press play.

Crying yourself to sleep every night for a week afterwards, looking at his contact number made you feel pathetic, but you stood your ground. Stubborn and set on your decision, knowing his honeyed words would change your mind even if he didn’t ask you to come back.

One of the shining moments from the months that passed was that you did get the internship, had been working diligently through the end of the year to prove yourself. That’s what had been the tipping point for dropping the restaurant job that had been more than just a way to make fast, easy money. It was everything you had worked so hard for, and it was demanding. The other was that the board of your department wanted to soft launch a program you had created a mock up for in one of your summer semester courses. Needing to fill some time blocks left behind from your shitty professor. A blessing in disguise, your best friend had cheered out in a toast.

You were doing it, you were making a name for yourself in the academic world. But the cost was passing out in the late hours of the night only to be up and back at it in the early morning. No time for anything else, a distraction of the highest caliber. Joel a lingering thought every time you made dinner or smoked one too many cigarettes in a day. It was as comforting as it was devastating.

But the guilt of not having kept up contact weighed heavily on you, made it harder to send out a simple text or open his voicemail. So you didn’t and time continued to pass.

“Dad.” Ellie’s voice greeted him, still seated on the couch with a now warm beer in his hand, condensation trailing over his numb knuckles, the tv playing something he hadn’t been paying attention to. Her voice called to him again before he came back to himself. He leaned over to place the bottle atop the coffee table and rubbed his hands roughly over his face, trying to get some feeling back into it.

“Yeah, baby girl?”

“I, um, I was coming to check on you and to…ask if I could move back in?”

“What? Is everythin’ okay? I thought you liked your school set up out in Boston.” He was up on his tingling legs in a breath, worry seeping into his very soul at the hesitant expression on his little girl’s face as she stood at the end of the couch.

It was past the end of summer and well into the fall season, December just cresting over the horizon and settling in nicely. It was break for her, and she had shown up to help and keep him company since he had been working so much and things in the home fell by the wayside. He was sure there had been a conversation between his two girls about who would help him get back on track.

“Hey, woah, everything’s okay. It’s just that I was looking at programs to apply for since I’m done with my bachelor’s degree, and they didn’t have any that really jumped out at me. Figured I’d apply to the university here. There are a few classes I want to take and they have a really good applied arts program that they just announced.”

“There’s a new program, focused on how art influenced the cultural building blocks of different societies and how language developed from it. How art is the center of everything that we’ve become, made ourselves into and the juxtaposition of how it’s now viewed in a society that frowns upon the pursuit of it.”

“Why are you askin’ me, Ellie, you know you could’ve just started moving boxes in and I wouldn’t have batted an eye.” He thinks back to the two carry on suitcases she had brought along with her last week, and how she was talking of needing to find a new place since she needed to reapply for a new dorm or possibly find an apartment now that she was awaiting on news of her graduate application back there.

“Well, um, the program is headed by a…new professor.”

“What’re you talkin- oh.” Suddenly, the girls hands fidgeting and eyes shifting clicked everything into place. His heart soared with pride at the idea of you finally getting the position you had tirelessly worked for. All of the books and notes and papers, all of the hectic shifts, the shitty customers, the endless tickets springing forth from a printer with a chirp, every lost pen and empty bottle tossed into a recycling bin. You had been so distant at work leading up to your departure from the restaurant, eyes glazed over every time you weren’t interacting with anyone. Exhausted from everything you had been doing in the background, creating a foundation for yourself to prop up on.

You did it. You made it happen.

A wide, unfiltered smile broke out on his face, pulling his plush lips up in a moment of pure admiration and affection for you. Even if you weren’t here to see it, to know that he was in awe of you, your resilience, despite the way his messages remained unread and his calls unanswered.

“Yeah, dad, it’s her program. It starts in the spring and since I’m just a TA next semester, I figured I would give that up to someone intending to stay at that school.”

“She did it, she made it happen.” He gazed at the label on his abandoned beer bottle, something you picked out one of the first nights you both spent camped out on his couch with a movie, still getting to know each other outside of work. It was one of your favorites and he had been buying ever since, wanting whatever small part of you he could have now that you were gone and not responding to his attempts at conversation. Not that he had tried much after you left the restaurant, not wanting to make you feel like he was pushing himself on you.

“I have an interview with her today, she’s only taking like thirty students or something and there’s a lot of buzz around it. I just…wanted to check in and make sure it was like okay, that I do this.”

“Baby girl, of course it’s okay. If this is what you want to do, then you should go for it. I don’t think she would breech professionality because of who you are after everythin’ she faced the last year.”

“Yeah, she’s good like that.”

“Yeah, kid, she really is.” Joel smiled to himself, willing his heart to stop aching.  

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taglist: @jessthebaker @clevergirl74 @anavatazes @samiamproductions @76bookworm76 @tuquoquebrute

dividers by the lovely @saradika-graphics

[dc-polls]

Biggest DC Misconception

Round 2 - Match 9

Stephanie Brown is from Crime Alley

Stephanie Brown was solidly middle class when she was introduced. Although a lot of her problems (pill popping mother, villan father, teen pregnancy) were viewed as "poor people problems" she was not. She had a regular house in the suburbs and had her own motorcycle and equipment (although she could have stolen it from her villan father). (I think she was supposed to be relatable in that these problems can happen to anyone but fannon has taken that away from her and said that those are poor people problems so she must be poor)

And another submission...

The misconception is that Stephanie Brown (Spoiler, later the 4th main continuity Robin, later Batgirl) is from Crime Alley, also known as Park Row, or sometimes other impoverished areas of Gotham City such as The Narrows. In the Post-Crisis Pre-Flashpoint era of comics, Stephanie is canonically from a mainland suburb of Gotham, not the island city itself. In her introductory arc, the Bats specifically track her down to the "Manchester suburb" which is seen as having a low skyline, unlike the tall buildings of Gotham City. In a later comics, Stephanie describes herself as Spoiler as the "defender of the suburbs", pointing out that Batman and Robin focus on the city. Why it's important to know: fans who place her childhood in Park Row or the Narrows are often drawing direct parallels between her and Jason Todd or Duke Thomas, and a contrast to non-urban-childhood characters, completely inaccurately, ignoring her actual canon experiences. Suburbs of Gotham still deal with similar issues, but they aren't interchangeable with the urban center itself. Characters can have parallels without having grown up in the exact same place as each other; the misconception flattens and simplifies all of them. Additionally, this era of comics had Stephanie dealing with stigmatized issues such as a criminal father, a drug addicted mother, a teen pregnancy, and childhood abuse. The canon made it clear these are problems kids in the suburbs may experience. The misconception that Stephanie is from Crime Alley reinforces the stereotype that crime, drug addiction, and teen pregnancy are only urban issues. Reinforces the classist myth that suburbs are "nicer" and "safer" than the city.

--

Tim is addicted to coffee or energy drinks

Everybody knows about this one but it still kinda bothers me :/. How many times have you seen Tim drinking coffie or any other energy drinks outside of Wayne Family Adventures of all comics.

[waltzingwithyourenemyattheball]

PICK A CARD: FROM THE DEPTH'S OF YOUR HEART'S DESIRES

Left: 111 ; Right: 333

Disclaimer: 🪈 Take what resonates and leave the rest. 🪈 Personal readings are paid only 🪈 Disclaimer in pinned comment applies here 🪈 No one is allowed to copy my work under any circumstances

🥥 111 🥥

Your deepest desire is the freedom to be you. You are tired and done and oh so very exhausted by all the rules and all the games of this world. You want to go back to the place you call home, you yearn for it, and yet you feel you don’t know what home is. You want love and care. I see someone on the bed, legs to their chest, their eyes shut of even admitting what they want, because they feel so vulnerable. It’s like they feel they will be rejectedif they show who they really are, and all they want is an open field to run in, looking breathtakingly happy. It has been a while hasn’t it, where you felt genuinely happy in the present, where thoughts of distress weren’t creeping up on you for attention. YOU FEEL DIFFERENT BECAUSE YOU ARE DIFFERENT. You are simply here to be you, by your presence alone you are lifting the earth. All you need to be is your truest, most authentic self. It will take some effort mind you, a lot of unlearning tp do, it might feel wrong even to go against what you have been taught, to take the burden of. But in the end, your freedom awaits where you feel caged no more. YOU ARE A HUMAN BEING, NOT A HUMAN DOING, so be simply be. ALSO, YOUR SPEECH IS OF IMMENSE IMPORTANCE, you speak your world into being. SERIOUSLY. AFFIRMATIONS AND SPEECH ARE MORE IMPORTANT FOR YOU THAN ANYONE. Speak what you want to come true. Some of you need to release control, surrender to the flow and will of the universe, and slowly you wi;; become the most authentic self, ask the strength and the heart of the universe to help you on top of your own will power, and YOU WILL GAIN FREEDOM, TRUE FREEDOM, that can never be taken away, so relax.  COMMENT ‘authentic’ to claim. Thank you for letting me read for you, I am glad to be of service. 🌙There are more messages for you, for a personal reading DM on Tumblr or Instagram @eltarot1111 🌙

🥀333🥀

AHH MY CREATOR PILE. Before any other messages someone needs to hear this: do as much you plan, and plan as much you do, let there be balance in you doing. This is your key to success, do as much as you plan and promise, if you feel you can’t deliver, then don’t promise, you feel a lack of faith in yourself and your have issues with self trust. 

Life hasn’t been easy for you and to deal with them, you have had some coping mechanisms, some healthy some not so much. Some of you are addicted to something, a pattern of sorts, I am getting Charles Bukowiski vibes. Some of you drink heavily. YOU ARE ANGRY, at the world, yourself. You want love but you don’t want to ask as it makes you seem weak, and you HATE LOOKING WEAK. You are being told to channel all this energy into your next creative project or the current one. ASK YOURSELF: WHAT WANTS TO BE BIRTHED THROUGH ME. SIT WITH IT. The answer will come to you, don’t chase the answer, just be. Some of you have these issues because you are compulsively controlling, and have problem relishing control. Your trust was broken as a child, and hence the need to control otherwise you feel that things won’t go the way you want to because others are not worth trusting. You require inner child healing for receiving love as well.

Comment ‘trust’ to claim.  Thank you for letting me read for you, I am glad to be of service

🌙Honestly, there are more messages you should hear, for a personal reading DM on Tumblr or Instagram at @eltarot1111🌙

-

EL TAROT.

[b1ackgh0st]

Writing as many HCs for Trolls characters as humanly possible!

Starting off strong with the Snack Pack + Poppy & Branch!

♡Poppy♡

She was a later bloomer. Most (pop) trolls have a little bit of tit, but she was flat as Branch's voice at the beginning of the first movie.

Had a toxic best friend at one point. Nobody liked Poppy when she was young, but as soon as she became an adult, she was mote liked than anyone else.

Prefers black coffee over any other kind

Her favorite flavour is strawberry!

Even though she likes almost any flavour, any candy she has that's lemon or watermelon she gives to Branch because he is very addicted.

Speaking of which, she can't stomach spicy food at all and tends to projectile vomit.

Gets sick pretty easily, but won't admit it.

No one knows how she does it, but she can appear almost instantly. Whether it's in Branch's room at midnight or behind anyone in a crowded area, it's alarming.

Not physically violent.

However...

Poppy is deranged AF!

She will verbally and mentally threaten people... and lord it's probably scary.

Too much of a morning person

By that, I mean she wakes up at around 3 am everyday after falling asleep at around 7 pm and starts her daily routine.

Refuses to wear make-up

Has never had acne or anything similar

Most Pop Trolls, Poppy included, have extream hair growth. She has to shave her legs daily.

Has literally no skincare routine

Unfortunately, she has to make her own shampoo because anything she can find in shops doesn't work and just causes dead ends and very greasy hair.

Very fidgety ADHD-er

□Branch□

Branch has the most excessive skincare routine ever

Wears A LOT of makeup to hide scars and stuff

Breaks out really easily

Autistic! Not Yay!

Or maybe it is Yay

Anyways, he had problems with bright lights, loud sounds, being close to other people, some kinds fo texture, and some scents

Has around seventy homemade candles around the bunker, all scented slightly different.

Most of them smell like citrus

Sucks at making coffee at home, therefore his coffee orders are pretty specific.

Despite going back onto society, he's still a feral troll.

Which means that, while pop trolls are omnivores who need lots of plants and sweets in their diet, Branch's diet is almost exclusively meat, sweets, and breads.

Has bitten Poppy before. (It was an accident, I promise. No trolls were harmed.)

While he may not overreact on safty stuff or the Bergens anymore, he' started overreacting to everything else.

Oh, Guy tripped and scraped his knee? GET HIM TO THE DOCTOR HE'S DYING!

Mr. Dinkles is lost again? HE COULD BE ANYWHERE WE'LL NEVER MIND HIM!

Yeah.

Insomniac, unfortunately.

Biggie!!

Eats bugs. (Small stuff like ants)

Also kind of deranged.

Or he had some undiagnosed mental stuff

Prefers tea

Also has ADHD

I ddont really have much since he's pretty perfect when it comes to the movies and his character-

SMIDGE

Oldest in the gang, actually

She's thirty-eight, and witness Poppy hatching UP CLOSE

Poppy kind of sees her as a mother figure, mostly because Poppy never had a mother.

Smidge tried to have a kid once (yes, it was Milton's.), but it was a miscarriage

Her short stature and abnormal strength is actually a very rare genetic phenomenon

She used to have a really smooth, "feminine" voice,but after years of working out and screaming at the top of her lungs, her voice is scratchy now

Wants to do speech therapy to try and get her old voice back, but... well, Pop Village doesn't have stuff like that.

Has low self-esteem

Has been married to Milton for about a year (By the end of TBT)

Only drinks energy drinks, always Cherry flavour. (Or something similar)

Just a little crazy, but aren't we all?

The reason she's so close to Poppy is because right before the tunnel thing to get away from the Bergens, she worked with Peppy.

Won't continue with that.

Enjoys playfully bullying Suki because she's the only one who doesn't take it seriously.

Guy Diamond ◇

Oh man

Did NOT get enough attention as a kid

His parents were either too busy, and were both taken while running through the tunnels

Sky Toronto (From TBGO and Trollstopia) is his uncle, but neither of them know that

The only clothes he'd ever wear would be a scarf and leg warmers, maybe gloves.

Either he just dislikes it or he's genuinely afraid of it, he won't drink alcohol.

Secretly likes to eat things that aren't really edible

Also, scroll past this if you wanna because imma explain how it's not awkward that the glitter trolls are almost all naked.

So, since Glitter trolls are a subspecies, one which probably derived from a tribe long ago, their anatomy is a little different

They have protective slits that hide their genitals until needed

Essentially, the glitter trolls that have dicks.. their disks are hidden kn that slit, and will start to come out when said glitter troll is aroused.

For the one that don't, the slit will just start to open on it's own

Having a cock or not doesn't decide the gender of a Pop Troll, BTW!!

Cooper & Darnell

Darnell yassified him.

He ended up with silver tattoos on one arm, multiple silver bracelets, necklaces, and earrings, and silver dread cuffs

C & D spend a lot of time together

C had a hard time deciding, but ultimately chose to stay woth the Funk Tribe and his family rather than with the Pop Trolls

He stolll visits them <3

I'll make more later, dw.

[lady-october]

Pairing : Oli Sykes x Female Assistant Genre : Romance, Smut (18+ Only) Previous Chapters : Available on Ao3 & Tumblr

Story Content : Smut, Drama, Choking, Power dynamics, Romance, Rough sex, Sadism/Masochism, Dom/Sub, Mentions of addiction & self harm, Degradation, Praise kink, Exhibitionism, Orgasm denial, Breath play, Dirty talk.

Summary :

“Don’t you see what a dangerous game you’re playing? Why did you have to look so fucking delicious tonight, I couldn’t stop undressing you in my mind, thinking of all the twisted things I want to do to you.” She had only worked on the touring team for three weeks, but her mind had been hijacked by dirty thoughts of a man she barely even talked to. Sure, he was very attractive, but were there other reasons she was so uncontrollably drawn to him? This is a filthy story of pain, self discovery, and love.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Chapter 28: Oh, what a wonderful life

Chapter title is lyrics from “Wonderful Life” 

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

The first thing I noticed when I saw him was his hollow eyes. The exhaustion so present on his features that for a moment I struggled to remember all the things I needed to discuss with him. 

“Hi.” He breathed, leaning – resting – against the doorframe. The smile he aimed at me further showcasing how tired he must be. 

Come on, Alice, you can do this. 

Thankfully, I managed to centre myself before too long, “So, are you gonna meet up with her?” 

“I think so, yeah.”  

I shouldn’t be jealous, I shouldn’t feel insecure, but this is someone he’s explicitly expressed to be the love of his life; someone he considered a soulmate. 

Someone who was obviously still interested in him. 

And from reading their chat – specifically from seeing how Oli spoke to her – it was also obvious he still had some form of respect for her. Despite her deep betrayal. 

I’d been fighting the urge to look up his exes as soon as he’d vocalised being cheated on during the flight to America. But today those temptations had proven too much. 

That’s another problem with potentially dating a celebrity; their dating history is catalogued online, just a quick search away. All I had to do was type in ‘Oli Sykes girlfriend’ and I’d been flooded with images of her, showing how picture perfect she was, and how perfect they were together. Both so clearly from the same universe, dressed in alt fashion and covered in tattoos. 

Both also very clearly in love. 

And now I had the image of them wrapped up in each other’s arms, kissing, plastered in the back of my mind as an uncomfortable reminder of how out of place I am in his world. 

Oli took a quick glance down the corridor before returning his attention to me, “Can I come in?” 

Distracted by my intrusive thoughts, I simply nodded and stepped to the side. 

I’d expected him to walk into the room, maybe even make himself comfortable. Instead, he hovered next to me as I shut the door, not once taking his tired eyes off me. 

“I was gonna tell you last night that I’d been talking to her.” He said in a low tone, so close to me I could smell the energy drink on his breath. 

“Is that why you were unsure about us being right for each other?” I had to ask, had to know. It had been running through my thoughts for hours. 

Oli shook his head, “No.” He said, but his expression shifted, a grimace threatening to scrunch up his face, “I mean, yeah. But not the way you’re thinking.” 

As I felt a frown pulling on my eyebrows out of confusion, his hand appeared by mine, taking it gingerly in his – a silent question if this intimate touch was acceptable considering the current tension between us. 

Bewildered, I let our fingers intertwine, before he led us to sit on the end of my bed. 

After a deep breath, he told me why he needed to talk to Fay, that he wanted answers, that he needed to let go of the anger and the distrust she had caused in him – how it had made him not trust me.  

He also told me he’s been fighting the urge to use again, to fall into old habits with drugs, that things had been triggering him, just like things had been triggering me. And for a moment I thought to myself that maybe he was right last night, maybe we’re just not right for each other.  

Maybe we do nothing but pull at the strings of our pain, fraying the edges of the delicate fabric further. 

But then he began caressing my hand, holding it in his as if it was precious – as if it was made of glass. He turned it over in his palm, guiding it up to his lips in order to place a kiss on the soft pad of my thumb. Then he opened his mouth to say something that would make me see things from a different perspective. 

“I tried to strangle such a large part of myself the past year, I gave up on so many of the things I desperately want out of life because of how badly I got burnt with Fay; I gave up on love, something that – and I know this sounds cringe – but it’s as vital as air to me.” His vulnerable eyes fell to our hands resting on my thigh, before continuing under his breath, “It's like I've been a fucking zombie, Alice.” 

Silence fell between us for a beat as I tried to stay composed, hating how much I was relating to what he was saying. But then he continued, and I felt the familiar lump build in my throat. 

“Well,” He huffed out a breath, “Until you showed up." 

Large eyes returned to mine, and suddenly breathing no longer seemed to come instinctually, forcing me to focus on the otherwise autonomic function so I wouldn’t simply stop. 

“I was only able to start writing lyrics again after the first night I was with you.” He studied my face as he seemed to search for the right words, “I realise there's problems here, reasons for why we might not work out. But you have no idea how grateful I am for everything you've done for me.” 

Having never felt more alive than when I’m around him, I should see where he’s coming from, I should believe his words, yet I couldn’t help but think that he’s mistaken; that he was confusing me for someone who was special enough to evoke such things. 

“You've opened something up in me that's allowing me to love again, and honestly, even if we don't end up together, at least now I know that giving up on love altogether isn't the solution.” 

Panic set in as I was fighting to speak up, to let him know I also crave to feel. 

Crave to love. 

But the words were stuck in my throat, lodged so thoroughly I wasn’t sure I could say them even if my life was on the line. 

Does he sense my inner battle; can he see it on me? 

There is so much pity in his eyes. 

Or is it disappointment over the fact that I’m once again mute while he pours his heart out to me? 

But long before I got a chance to tackle my loud inner voices, the pity fell away from him, and you could tell by his darting eyes that he was mulling something over. 

“This is our last night here. I wanted to take you to the restaurant, would you like that?” He asked, an exhausted, sombre smile touching his lips. 

I forced out a smile and an eager nod, hoping it would convey at least a crumb of the thoughts I was currently unable to express verbally. 

“Great.” He added, so I stood up, but his hand didn’t let go of mine, nor did he move from his seated positioned at the end of the mattress, “Are we alright to just lay down for a minute first?” 

I shifted awkwardly, “Liam could come back any moment.” 

But I quickly realised his request hadn’t been sexual in nature from the way his sad gaze held mine. 

“I just want to hold you for a bit.” He begged under his breath, and my heart ached. 

“Okay.” I said in return, causing him to visibly relax, before he guided me around the modestly sized double bed, compared to his rooms large king.  

As I made myself comfortable on the plush pillows I’d cried into just an hour ago, he quickly wrapped himself around me, nestling his head into my chest, my chin coming to rest on the top of his head, right in the midst of wild locks that smelled so hypnotising.  

The embrace was unlike the ones we usually shared, he was making himself more vulnerable, turning the moment intimate in a brand new way, causing a storm of emotion to erupt in me. And right as I thought I couldn’t get more overwhelmed by it, his warm hand appeared on my thigh, pulling it over his waist, entangling us further before taking a deep breath, the warm air seeping through the fabric of my shirt, caressing my skin. 

“You always smell so wonderful, love.” He breathed into my chest in a low, rumbling tone, sounding as if he’s about to drift off. 

And your scent makes me wonder if home is a person. 

I swallowed, alarmed by my feelings and my thoughts, shoving them aside to stay sane, to stay in the moment without panicking. 

“That’s good,” I started, feeling unsure of myself, but curiosity got the better of me as it so often does, “You know, I’m having the hardest time placing your scent. What’s in your hair right now?” 

“Sorry about that. It’s just some shampoo I nicked from one of the venues back in the UK when I ran out of my usual stuff. Probably doesn’t smell that pleasant, but beggars can’t be choosers.” 

I couldn’t believe it, the mysterious aroma that had made me feel safe, that drove me wild, was just some random shampoo he didn’t even care for? 

“I– I actually really like it.” I said quietly, the heat of a blush spreading over my cheeks, feeling slightly embarrassed over having placed such significance on such a trivial thing. 

“Yeah? Maybe I’ll get some more then.” His words had come so slurred, the poor thing was clearly hanging onto consciousness by a thread. 

I was going to tell him – reluctantly – that he didn’t need to do that, that he can use whatever products he prefers, but before I got a chance, I felt him twitch, letting me know that sleep had claimed him. 

I sighed, torn between distraction, or allowing myself to indulge in his scent, in him. After a moment of looking at the unruly curls under my nose, I gave in, letting myself take a deep breath and savour the way he made me feel. Which was more than I cared to admit to myself. 

Having mostly focused on feeling as few things as possible for so long, it was no wonder such emotional highs that Oli provided caused fear to stir inside me. 

I was used to spending my days convincing myself that I was happy, that I didn’t want more. That I didn’t feel like I was slowly suffocating and dying inside from staying with someone who made me feel… absolutely nothing. 

You see, my ex was a void, and I simply orbited him, shaping my wants and needs to fit into his lifestyle in order to make things as simple and conflict-free as possible. 

One day we’d sat down in the living room to go through our finances. The TV had been left on in the background, auto playing some sewing tutorial on YouTube that I’d planned to watch at some point. But like all my attempts at creative hobbies, it fizzled and died before I’d even gathered the courage to purchase the supplies to try it. I was simply too good at telling myself that there was no point, that I’d probably be bad at it anyway, that it was a waste of money, or that my time could be spent doing something more productive. 

We were in the middle of deciding how much to transfer to our savings accounts this month, when my ex, Sam, had gotten distracted by the flashing lights caused by the next random video in the queue. 

“Annoying that. Do you like that stuff?” He asked, judgement in his voice, before reaching over to turn off the telly. 

I’d only caught a glimpse of it before he shut it off, but it had looked like concert footage, most likely recommended to me due to all the links Shelley had shared with me lately, to show me the upcoming bands she’d be working on tour with. I wouldn’t be able to recall what bands it had been, as I never much listened to heavier music, and the touring agency specialized in alternative music. All I knew is that it can’t have been Bring Me The Horizon, as this was years prior to her working with them. And years prior to her recommending me for this job. 

“Not really, but Shelley’s been sending me a lot of concert footage lately.” 

He shook his head, “You two have essentially nothing in common, I can’t understand why you’re still friends with her.” 

Shelley was my childhood friend. She was always the outgoing one, the daring one, while I mostly kept to myself. But for some reason she’d latched onto me the first day of school and told me we’d be best friends forever. And so far, she hadn’t been wrong about that. The only reason we hadn’t talked much lately was due to us both being on tour. 

He wasn’t wrong either though; we didn’t have much in common, but that never seemed to matter. We enjoyed each other all the same. 

But Sam and Shelley? They hated each other. Both insisting that the other was bad for me, or just bad in general. In fact, I’m not sure they’ve ever agreed on a single thing besides liking me. 

“You know why.” I muttered, keeping my head low, not wanting to have this argument again. 

“I just don’t get why she insists on pushing her tacky ways on you. You’ve got it all figured out; always the most beautiful girl in the room, got a great job, and a great boyfriend.” The last bit he’d said with a proud smile. 

I rolled my eyes at him, but he just laughed. 

I’m not sure Sam thought I was beautiful, or if he simply approved of my extremely non-offensive way of both acting and dressing, which he always commented on before showing me off to friends and colleges; I was the quiet, polite, smiling girlfriend, dressed to impress even the elderly relatives. Someone who was perfect to bring around to the office Christmas party.  

I also know he very much disapproved of Shelley’s work, always finding new ways of implying that she’s a slut, sleeping around with all the bands she worked with. 

Which, looking back, is hilarious, as I’m currently doing her old job, but sleeping with the lead singer. 

But I know Shelley wasn’t like that. She may come off as a flirt from first impressions, but she’s very happily married, and had always been extremely loyal. In many ways she reminded me of Liam, which explained why they got along so well. And why me and Liam instantly hit it off. 

But Sam’s dislike for Shelley ran a lot deeper than simply looking down on her lifestyle choices. 

The last time Shelley had visited she’d sold me on the idea of getting a tattoo with her. I’ve always liked them, but always been entirely too scared to consider one. Yet I had warmed up to the idea of a vine anklet – discrete, understated, yet pretty. It had felt right, but Sam had talked me out of it. Reaffirming my fears about its permanence, having me question if I would regret it. But he was still angry over the mere idea that Shelley had almost convinced me, as if my opinion on the matter hadn’t really mattered – as if I’m not capable of making an informed decision on my own. 

But considering how scared and indecisive I frequently was, I guess it was understandable why he would assume as much. 

After we were done with our finances, I’d caught myself in the mirror while getting towels for my evening bath. I was still in my work clothes, my hair neatly tucked into a low bun, not a hair out of place. I was the picture of palatable, pleasant and boring. 

It fed my numbness.  

I accepted it – it was comforting. 

Or so I told myself as I undressed, locking the door to the bathroom before getting into the hot, bubbly water, and having myself a silent cry like I did nearly every night before bed. 

I’d stare into my soothing lavender candle I’d lit to help me sleep better, working overtime to convince myself I was happy as the tears streamed down my face. As the walls felt like they were closing in on me. 

Then I’d dry myself off and crawl into bed to sleep next to my perfectly okay boyfriend, ready for my perfectly okay job in the morning. 

No wonder I’d agreed to Shelley’s suggestion of working on the touring team once I’d split with Sam. 

It was just crazy enough of an idea for me to act on in my desperate state, sick of hating my life so fundamentally. 

But I had my apprehensions. 

I’d found out fairly quickly that my first tour would be with a band called Bring Me The Horizon. 

Instantly I’d began researching them. 

The first time I saw Oli I’d pulled a face of disgust.  

He’d been flashing his old vampire fangs, bright coloured contacts, and his skin was more ink covered than not. I’d immediately heard Sam’s voice in the back of my head, telling me that ‘only convicts have face tattoos.’ 

And I’d agreed with him at the time. In fact, many of my close-minded opinions at the time were his. It was just easier to adopt them rather than argue. 

So, in an effort to be my own person, I rejected the notion that there was anything at all to judge about Oliver Sykes. 

But the judgemental thoughts hadn’t ended there. 

I’d read that he was a drug addict. Of course he was, he’s a rockstar. 

I shook myself, realising what I was doing, and moved on, once again promising myself to not judge a book by its cover. 

But I couldn’t seem to stop. 

I learned about his activism, his love for animals, how he’d started his own business alongside the band when he was just a teenager. I’d read over his lyrics and watch his interviews – all of which were riddled with self-criticizing commentary despite his numerous admirable achievements and skillsets. 

And yet I still found myself having judged him, as I’d been shocked to discover that he wasn’t just some lowlife, entitled, celebrity man-child as I’d initially expected. 

For days afterwards I’d kept looking him up, scrolling through pictures and videos of him, listened to his music, checking out his clothing line, perplexed both by him as a person, and why I was so seemingly enthralled by him. 

Do I find him attractive, or am I simply jealous of his bold ways of expressing himself? 

Immediately after that thought I’d texted Shelley. 

“Alice: Dress me like you.” 

It was something she’d wanted to do since we were teens, always insisting that my appearance never reflected how she saw me; telling me that my personality was far richer and exciting than how I presented myself to the world. 

While I felt more comfortable being silly around Shelley than anyone else, I still wasn’t sure I agreed with her opinion on that. 

But I did know she’d jump on the idea of giving me a makeover, and I was beyond fed up with my old ways. 

“Shelley: I’ll do you one better, I’ll dress you like YOU!” 

The next day she’d come over to my mum’s house which I was residing at after my breakup with Sam. She’d brought a mountain of clothes and accessories, both things from her own closet and items she’d picked up on the way here. The first thing she’d put me in was a dress so short it could have been a shirt. 

“You’re made for that.” She’d said without a doubt in her voice, “It’s perfect!” 

“You’re joking? A small breeze and I’ll be on a list.” 

“Who cares, you’re going on tour!” She exclaimed before collapsing into my childhood bed, which we’d spent many nights together in as kids, telling ghost stories under the covers when we were supposed to be fast asleep. 

“I’m not sure.” I muttered, pulling on the hem, attempting to magically make it cover more of my skin than it ever could. 

“Alice, I beg of you, bring it with you, just in case you feel up for wearing it once you’re there.” 

And taking inspiration from the boldness of Mr Sykes, as well as Shelley, I’d done as she’d suggested. In fact, I’d been brave and mostly packed things she’d brought over that day, only packing a handful of items from my usual wardrobe.  

And every time I see myself in the mirror after putting on something Shelley picked out for me, I’d hear Sam’s words in the back of my head, telling me I look like a slag, and I’d smile at my reflection. 

Cause who gives a rat’s arse what that man thinks anyway. 

But it quickly became evident that I cared about what another man thought of me. 

It also quickly became evident that my fascination with Oli wasn’t just jealousy over his daring nature. 

The first time I met him I swear my brain short circuited for a minute. 

“Hiya, love, you alright?” He’d asked with a flash of a smile. 

While I can’t recall what I said, if anything, I remember being in complete awe, convinced his eyes were looking right through me, as if he could tell immediately how my body was responding to his mere presence. 

It had taken me a couple of days to finally accept that I was in fact hopelessly attracted to him, and once I’d accepted that, I’d check him out every chance I got. And while I knew someone like me would never have a shot with someone like that, I kept dressing myself in less and less, hoping that against all odds he’d notice me eventually. 

Just a handful of days before we started the sexcapades in London was the only time I’d thought that maybe he’d actually noticed me in the same way I was noticing him. 

It was an early, gloomy January morning, and we were just about to leave a rented house we’d been staying at for a couple of days between gigs. Everyone was gathered in the living room, half asleep on the corner sofa, as we waited for the taxi to come collect us. Liam was still running around making sure we hadn’t left anything behind, and I was sat in a chair next to the sofa, mindlessly watching the morning news that Lee had left on the telly as everyone were either resting their eyes or on their various devices. 

In an incredibly modern, ugly, design choice, the whole wall behind the telly was comprised of large, black marble tiles, so glossy it acted as a mirrored surface. And every so often I’d let my eyes stray from the news to steal a quick, indulgent glance at Oli in the reflection. 

Only this time I noticed his eyes weren’t on the phone in his hands, nor were they on the big screen in front of him. In fact, it looked an awful lot like they were resting on me. And not on my reflection, no, his gaze was instead to his side, in my direction. 

And what is that expression on his face? 

For a moment I didn’t even dare think it, cause why on earth would he be looking at ordinary, boring Alice? But then I scanned my own reflection and was promptly reminded of how low cut my top was that day.  

In a daring move, I crossed my arms gently, which made my already provocative cleavage spill further. 

Immediately his eyelids grew heavy, his lips parting slightly as the grip on his phone tightened visibly, the veins on his hands becoming more prominent as a result, and I was suddenly very grateful that I was already sitting down, as I’m certain my legs weren’t functional in that moment. 

But while what he was looking at – and how he was enjoying what he saw – was undeniable, I still managed to talk myself out of him being interested in me. Instead, I’d just disregarded it as him not being immune to appreciating a pair of tits when they were presented to him. 

In hindsight, knowing more about Oli, and knowing that he’d been checking me out for a while, it was now clear that this had been a regular occurrence – he’d just managed to be quite stealthy about it. 

And yet… I can’t help but wonder what he could possibly see in me. 

The sun was close to setting as I stared out into the forest view of mine and Liam’s room, the sleeping man next to me breathing slowly and deeply against my chest. And even though he was continuously showing me how special I was to him, I still felt entirely too lacklustre to be loved by him. 

I was a common garden rock, in the arms of a rare gem, and no matter how much I want to open my heart to him, to accept that I was already attached or wanted more, my gut still told me he’d wake up one day, realise how wrong he’d been about me, and see me for the disappointment that I really am. 

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