#enbyphobia cw

[cisplus]

I searched "endometriosis" on tumblr, looking for some support and community, and instead kept finding radfems talking about how endometriosis is a women's issue. I cannot express how harmful it is to gatekeep health conditions that affect people of all genders.

Some trans men have endometriosis. Some non-binary and agender people have endometriosis. Endometriosis is an issue that affects all people with uteruses, and saying that it's an issue that only women face is going to make men and non-binary people who have endometriosis suffer.

It's already hard enough for trans and non-binary people to access gynecological care. Let's stand up for trans and non-binary people who have endometriosis, and similar conditions, so that they can access the healthcare they need.

Endometriosis is not solely a womens' issue.

[randomscropio]

Finding Out and Coming Out

A pre-cannon Inanimate Insanity fic I made from a writing prompt generator. Warnings: Humanized Object Shows (II), yelling, doctors, mild swear words (I think they're mild at least), anxiety (mentioned), gender dysmorphia (I don't think I wrote it very well, I'm sorry!), enbyphobia (in the sense that the character with it thinks that there are only two genders (male and female) and that other genders are unessassary and are just people who want to be labeled), she/her Paintbrush (only until they realize they're nonbinary, then they use they/them pronouns)

"What the hell is the condition of my child?" Paintbrush's father yelled, Paintbrush flinched and pulled the hood of her hoodie over her head.

"Look, sir. There is nothing wrong with your child, other than the fact that she may have anxiety." The doctor said in a voice that was calm but firm.

"This was a waste of time." Paintbrush's father muttered to himself.

"Whatever! I don't need a goddamn doctor!" He yelled.

Yeah, it's not like they spend years earning their degrees and know more about the human body than you do. Paintbrush thought sarcastically, rolling her eyes.

"Come on, Paintbrush." Paintbrush's father grabbed her wrist.

___

She looked in the mirror. "God, my body looks wrong. What's wrong with me?" She asked herself. She had been asking herself this for a while. She didn't feel like a girl or a guy. Was there a secret third option that she didn't know about?

"This is your fault, Paintbrush." She told herself. She blew a piece of blond hair out of her face, the purple that she died her tips was fading out.

Maybe she should die it again. That wasn't the point. She went into her room and pulled out her phone. "Why don't I feel like a girl or a guy?" She said slowly, typing the words into Google. As usual, there were many results. She looked at one of the terms ", "nonbinary, and copied and pasted it into the serch bar.

She clicked a drop-down on one of the "people also ask" things that read "What is the literal meaning of nonbinary?" genders that don't fit into two categories, male or female." She muttered. Her eyes widened.

Am I nonbinary? She asked herself. I don't feel like a girl or a guy, so I am nonbinary, right?

___

"Hey, Lightbulb?" "What's up?" Lightbulb asked. "I did some research last night and, well..."

"What is it?"

"So, you know how you were born a guy but feel like a girl? Not that you aren't a girl, you are it's just!-"

"Painty, I understand what you're saying. Continue on!"

"Well, I don't feel like a girl or a guy, and my body just looks... wrong. Again, I don't feel like a guy or a girl! It's just, ugh! It's so confusing!" She made a lot of big motions while speaking, which happened whenever she felt strong emotions.

"Ooooh! It's c isnt it!?" Lightbulb asked.

"...what?" She asked. Her voice was soft. She hated how her volume immediately lowered whenever she asked a question.

"It's another way to say nonbinary. Which, I'm pretty sure, is what you are!"

Paintbrush nodded. "Okay, thanks. I wasn't sure if I am or not..."

"No problem, Painty!" Lightbuld patted Paintbrush on the back. "Are you still comfortable with she/her or..?"

"Honesty? I don't know why but, whenever she/her is used on me it doesn't feel right, but it's the same thing with he/him, and I don't know if there are any other pronouns!"

"There are tons more! But how about they/them?"

"That sounds a lot better." Paintbrush nodded

"They/them it is then! Make sure to tell your parents."

"Thanks."

___

Paintbrush sighed.

"Come on, you can do this." They whispered to themself. "Mom? Dad?"

"Yeah?" The two parents said at the same time.

"Can we... talk?"

"Sure, Paintbrush." Their mom responded, for both herself and Paintbrush's dad.

"Okay, meet me upstairs, please." A few moments after Paintbrush sat down on the couch, their parents came in. "Okay, so I've been questioning what my gender is for a while and finally figured it out." They took a deep breath. "I'm nonbinary."

"...what the hell does that mean?"

Paintbrush's mom looked at their father, mouth agape. "Pallet!" She said.

"It means that I'm not a girl or a boy."

"Those are the only two genders, though!"

"No, they aren't! There are many more!"

"Ugh, whatever. They're all unnecessary."

"Well, please use they/them on me..."

"No." Their dad said simply. "Paintbrush, you are either a girl or a boy."

Paintbrush wanted to cry. "Forget this, forget I said anything." They said, walking down the stairs and to their room. They curled their knees up to their chest.

"Paintbrush? Are you okay in there?"

"Leave me alone, please." They said, just barely loud enough to hear through the door.

"Okay."

"What's going on with her?" One of Paintbrush's two younger brothers, Acrylic, asked.

"Them." Their mom corrected gently. "Your father said that they shouldn't be referred to as they/them, he thinks it's unnecessary."

"Oh. Are they going to be okay?"

"Hopefully."

"Yeah." Painrbrush muttered to themself, "hopefully"

[cartoonscientist]

I think a big issue people on twitter have when they debate border wars stuff as compared to tumblr users is that they can’t seem to understand that a person can be a man and a woman at the same time, or neither, because gender isn’t based on external values, it’s a mindset

honestly I see a lot of young queer people in general really struggling to fully understand that gender is not determined in any way by how other people perceive you or treat you, it is not determined by how your body looks or how you dress (although you can use these things to SIGNAL your gender or modify them to reduce dysphoria), gender is a fully internal concept separate from gender presentation

[crystalsandbubbletea]

Vent post

(CW: Negative thoughts, acephobia, arophobia, enbyphobia, polyamphobia, swearing)

There are sometimes where I hate that I'm Demisexual and Demiromantic, sometimes it makes me feel alone, and sometimes it feels like I may die alone.

I came out as Demiromantic and Demisexual to some people, and they refused to try to understand.

I didn't ask to be part of the aromantic spectrum, I didn't ask to be part of the asexual spectrum. I was born this way.

I don't want a romantic relationship until I form a close emotional bond with people.

I hate that I'm polyamorous. I get called a 'cheater' because of it.

I have never been in a relationship in my life, how the fuck am I a cheater?

My mom also refuses to hear me out about it.

I hate that I'm nonbinary. I feel like I don't belong anywhere. I live in the Southeastern US and I never feel included, I only feel included whenever I'm around my friends who are also LGBTQIA+. Other than that, I never feel seen.

I hate that I'm Trixic. I'm sorry that 'lesbian' didn't feel like the correct term for me..? I'm sorry that I saw what Trixic was and thought 'Huh, this sounds like me?'

I hate being a polyamorous, Trixic, Demisexual, Demiromantic, Nonbinary... I feel like I'm alone sometimes, and I feel like I'm going to die alone...

[crystalsandbubbletea]

(Cw: Polyamphobia, enbyphobia)

Love how my mom says she'll support me no matter what and then the minute I come out as polyamorous she tries to convince me that I'm monogamous and just pretending to be polyamorous.

Then again, I shouldn't be surprised. I came out as nonbinary twice to her and the first time I did she said the most enbyphobic things and I had to pretend to be genderfluid. Then the second time I come out as nonbinary she begrudgingly accepted it.

[cisplus]

@trorklin

Yes, I agree that this would be a messed up thing to say. Thankfully, this isn't what I said.

When I lived as a non-binary person who was afab, I noticed that women and girls especially were enbyphobic towards me. There is a lot of enbyphobia towards *all* non-binary people, granted, and I'd love it if you or someone else made another post talking about that.

But non-binary people who were afab can experience their own form of enbyphobia where people treat them as failed women. I specifically experienced lesbophobia where I was treated as the "predatory lesbian" stereotype. I wanted to make women and girls aware that they're treating certain trans and non-binary people like this as a way to fight back against enbyphobia and transandrophobia.

Hope that helps to clear things up!

[lesgay-lover]

welcome back to transandrophobia talks im your host az lesgayloser and today we're talking about slurs!!

cw: discussion of slurs & more in-depth transandrophobia than in my last posts below the cut

(note- i will likely be using exorsexism & transandrophobia semi interchangeably. exorsexism is also known as enbyphobia and is basically just bigotry directed at nonbinary people)

in this post i want to discuss "theyfab" specifically. i looked it up on urban dictionary and was immediately met with an insane amount of exorsexism. i'll include some quotes from different definitions i found on there below, but they mostly share a few characteristics. 1) their refusal to call the term a slur (this will be important later) and 2) their intense and obvious hatred of transmasc/neu people who do not perform their gender to perfect standards of androgyny/masculinity.

"A term used to mock girls who identify as non binary without changing their gender presentation at all. They tend to be incredibly vocal about how they are LGBT, and consider anyone who doesn't use they/them a transphobe, even if they are obviously a female." (june 2023)

"a non-dysphoric woman larping as nonbinary. the term is a combination of the pronoun they and the term AFAB, and is commonly used to make fun of & mock women who identify as NB without changing their female appearance, and call out anyone who doesn't use their pronouns. (august 2023)

it is glaringly obvious that these 2023 definitions are written by either transmedicalists or straight up transphobes. however, i did find one other definition which i think is noteworthy.

"A derogatory term for a non-binary person who uses the fact that they were assigned female at birth to talk over trans women, while positioning themself as being the “safe” and good kind of queer person" (august 2024)

you'll notice that in this one, the slur has shifted from being outright transphobic in its definition to being framed as a perfectly reasonable term for trans women to use, because the 'theyfab' is talking over them!

but you really have to wonder. what right do these women have to do that? why do they get to take a slur and make it magicially woke while continuing to perpetuate the transandrophobia behind it? there's an insane difference between a queer person reclaiming a slur for themself (eg me calling myself a dyke) and a queer person taking a slur, giving it a new, still insulting meaning, and hurling it at the people it was initially used against. why is it okay here?

this is getting pretty long so im gonna end it here but. more thoughts likely coming soon.

[arandombiped]

yall help I broke off a friendship over text but I messed up big time by leaving it open-ended because now I am a jittery ball of anxiety trying not to explode

context under the cut, cw for transphobia/enbyphobia

So I’ve known this guy since we were like 7 (we’re both 17). We live down the street from each other, we had a lot of similar interests and stuff, but once I started questioning my identity and figuring things out, he was pretty resistant to me changing. When I told him I was aroace, he basically just said no, and that I just had to wait for the right guy. When I told him I was enby, I learned from my mistakes and told him over text. He never responded. He never changed what he called me.

This past Monday, I texted him this:

Hey I know it’s been a while since we brought up my pronouns, so I wanted to ask your comfort level on actually using they/them for me 

and I got no response. So today I sent:

👆genuine question, you could even just put it on a scale from 1-10

and he finally replied, saying that he was at a 1-2. I asked if there was anything I could do to raise that comfort level. He said no because it was his “personal stance on the subject.” I told him this (just gonna keep copying because this was a kinda long interaction)

well, I do hope you can see it’s a bit more than a personal preference for me. It does really get tiring to be referred to as something I’m not. I just kinda wanted to get a gauge and give you a heads up, because I’m at a point where I’m going to be correcting people when they’re using the wrong ones, including yall in the friend group. If you are at all curious about why this matters so much to me, just let me know and I’ll do my best to explain when I’m ready 

And I am being very genuine and honest here. I really did just want to see where his comfort level was, because I know that it would have a pretty big impact on me going forward. But to this he said:

From my perspective calling you they/them is calling you something you aren’t, and I did not say preference, I said stance meaning that I do not condone your decision on this matter.

chat do you know the willpower it took to not strangle a man today

I took a minute after this text to consult with the one friend of mine who I usually vent to about this guy, then spent about 30 minutes writing this in response (it’s gonna be long):

Firstly I just want to say, I hold no grudges towards you and I truly value our friendship. We have known each other since we were in the second grade, and I am very happy that we were able to be friends. But my identity is not your choice to make. My identity is not an opinion or something to joke about or something I have “chosen.” You don’t get to “condone” or “not condone,” it just IS. If you are unable to accept the reality of who I am as a person, then we are not required to continue this relationship. I will likely continue to interact with you at school and at D&D, but I will take no initiative to be around you. This part of me isn’t going away anytime soon. If you are unwilling to make space for me in your life because of your personal stance, then I am not going to wait around for you. If you are willing to reconsider your stance, then I will be willing to continue being friends with you. Either way, I wish you the best and I hope you can understand.

He hasn’t responded since. I’m not even sure if he’s read it. But now I’m dealing with the anxiety of being stuck with no response. I’m defaulting to not being friends anymore, but it’s just really rough.

[think-queer]

“this is my first time ever doing an ask thingy so hear with me if this is awfully written or such jwhsjws

this may sound like a weird question and maybe this fall more in "we need to talk about these people" more than an actual question in itself but i need to understand  just how  usual it is for queer activist who are trans / n-b to also be transphobic / n-b phobic?

for bit of context though, i used to be friends / mutuals on twt with  people who were all trans / n-b (though there were also others who weren't and had the same attitude) to some extent and noticed that a lot of their opinion on our issues were... highly transphobic. by that i mean they'd say they "hate" afab n-b who still call themselves women or that have links to womanhood or dress fem because "what could they even be dysphoric about" and just saying a lot of "fuck non binary people" and one of them which striked me hard said he was glad he realized he was trans binary and not non binary because "ew" which 💀 yeah i don't even have the words for that.

i remember seeing so many "takes" of theirs with lots of underlying transphobia (and ig in a way misogyny due to the fact it's always targeted to anyone afab?) and all linked to their hate towards non binary afab (most of these people also are afab which is even more worrying imo)

and the worst is that these are  opinions shared by a lot of other people with a pretty "big" voice and following in the lgbt activism online  (this was on the french side of it but i have seen so many people with these type of opinions and harmful rhetoric across the community)

i'm just wondering if anyone has had this experience and how the hell did we come from sharing our experiences and fighting for our rights and identity to be recognized,,,, to hating on and blaming  people literally just living their life and being comfortable with themselves for being "the reason" we're not taken seriously.“ -Anonymous user

I think that a lot of, if not most, trans and non-binary have some level of internalized transphobia and enbyphobia/exorsexism just from living in a transphobic/enbyphobic/exorsexist society.

The specific hatred of non-binary people who were AFAB is something that I’ve been seeing a lot recently which I have found very concerning. The specific hatred of non-binary people who were AFAB and still have some connection to womanhood and/or femininity seems to have it’s roots in transmedicalism, it sounds basically identical to the way people would describe “transtrenders” when that was the big concern.

Something that I’ve also seen a lot of is accusations the non-binary people who were AFAB weaponize their femininity the same way cis women do. I find this very worrying because it typically ends up lumping non-binary people who were AFAB along with cis women and treating those two groups as the same. I imagine this is something that does happen at times, but it’s not something that I’ve ever seen personally. I also find it concerning that people are reducing it to a problem with AGAB, when in my experience it’s really not. The weaponization of femininity isn’t something that I only see coming from people who were AFAB, it’s something I see coming specifically from white people who are perceived as women or feminine. My experience might be affected by being from the USA, where we have a history with white womanhood being used as a weapon, so people from other cultures may see it very differently. But when people reduce it to just an “AFAB thing” it feels like an attempt to take a real issue and twisting it to attack non-binary people who don’t sufficiently perform hatred of their AGAB.

Unfortunately it feels like this is just the newest target of exclusionists and infighting. When I first joined tumblr it was asexuals who were the target, for awhile it was non-binary people as a whole... It seems like there’s always some group getting targeted in many online queer spaces. It’s really depressing to see, especially when it starts to feel like a neverending cycle. If it’s any consolation I don’t see it very often in offline queer spaces (although I have had to stay away from most of those spaces for a couple years due to health issues) In online spaces I think that there are a lot of people who find some comfort in hurting other vulnerable people, it makes them feel like they have some sort of power and control. It’s really horrible, but when I’ve been part of a targeted group I have found some comfort in trying to keep in mind that these are just people who are looking for any acceptable target. It’s really not about you, or any non-binary person who was AFAB, it’s just about finding someone socially acceptable to hurt. And you will be able to find people and groups that aren’t like that, usually the bullies are just the loudest.

I’m not sure I really made any sense here to be honest, and I’d welcome anyone with a different perspective to add on here.

[mischievous-monster]

what the fuck

[nbville]

Hay I know this probably isn't your thing but I just would like a bit of advice and if you don't feel comfortable with answering that's just fine, but for a bit now I've been questioning if I'm non-binary and I would like to go by they/them but I know my family won't go with it but I don't know what to do and I could use any one's opinion bc I just don't know and if its not to much of a problem would you tag this with #coco child so I will have an easier time finding it if you want to respond 🐐

I’m sorry to hear that you’re dealing with all that anon!

I’m also in a situation with my family where they’re kinda okay with things but they hate they/them pronouns, it can be very uncomfortable and I’m sorry to hear that you’re encountering some of the same fear and anxiety. 

All I can say is stay safe. If you feel that it would be unsafe to come out to your family, then as painful as it is I would wait until you can safely be away from home to come out. However! That doesn’t mean that there aren’t so many amazing communities, both in person and online that can support you in whatever identity and pronoun choices you make. 

Maybe talk to some friend and get them to start using your pronouns for you, find some blogs (like you already found ours, hi!) on tumblr to follow and have some conversations about your gender!

I’m sorry you’re not feeling the familial support, but the nonbinary community is here for you, and you’re always welcome here! We try to make this as safe a space as possible.

Wish you the best anon, hang in there

~Mod Skye

[shimbongulus]

Good memories mixed with the bad.

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[think-queer]

Stop blaming NB people for transphobia, especially xenogenders.

Stop forcing us into a new binary based off our AGAB. (This includes labeling people as trans masc or trans femme against their wishes)

a lot of y’all out here making posts about how much you support enbies but will invalidate them if they don’t fit the mold.

the mold is white, naturally androgynous, non aligned, short hair, really skinny, afab, actively transitioning, identifing as trans, binding, pansexual or asexual, listening to indie or alt music, has a goblincore aesthetic, and maybe dyed hair.

let me clarify, if you fit this mold as a nonbinary person, you’re valid and you’re nonbinary. i’m not saying you aren’t.

i’m just saying if this is the ONLY type of nonbinary person you support, you’re enbyphobic.

nonbinary people can be poc, lesbian, gay, bi, amab, binary aligned, not transistioning, not identifying as trans, fat, and overall not fit your “ùwú enby space babey” aesthetic.

let nonbinary people exist the way they do.

stop treating our identities like things to be discussed or debated NO MATTER WHAT SIDE YOURE ON. nonbinary people are nonbinary and are valid, end of convo. our validity was NEVER up for debate. periodt.

if you take away one thing from this, let it be to LISTEN TO NONBINARY PPL.

- sincerely, a very pissed black autistic bisexual nonbinary person who uses neogenders and has she/her/he/him/cat/cats/nya/nyas pronouns

terfs/gender critical people and transmeds/truscum, don’t even BREATHE near this post.

nonbinary people can add on but binary trans ppl and cis people should only spread.