#cw enbyphobia

[crystalsandbubbletea]

Vent post

(CW: Negative thoughts, acephobia, arophobia, enbyphobia, polyamphobia, swearing)

There are sometimes where I hate that I'm Demisexual and Demiromantic, sometimes it makes me feel alone, and sometimes it feels like I may die alone.

I came out as Demiromantic and Demisexual to some people, and they refused to try to understand.

I didn't ask to be part of the aromantic spectrum, I didn't ask to be part of the asexual spectrum. I was born this way.

I don't want a romantic relationship until I form a close emotional bond with people.

I hate that I'm polyamorous. I get called a 'cheater' because of it.

I have never been in a relationship in my life, how the fuck am I a cheater?

My mom also refuses to hear me out about it.

I hate that I'm nonbinary. I feel like I don't belong anywhere. I live in the Southeastern US and I never feel included, I only feel included whenever I'm around my friends who are also LGBTQIA+. Other than that, I never feel seen.

I hate that I'm Trixic. I'm sorry that 'lesbian' didn't feel like the correct term for me..? I'm sorry that I saw what Trixic was and thought 'Huh, this sounds like me?'

I hate being a polyamorous, Trixic, Demisexual, Demiromantic, Nonbinary... I feel like I'm alone sometimes, and I feel like I'm going to die alone...

[the-official-legacies-blog]

Alright fellas, I apparently have to say this:

CW for possible sexism, enbyphobia and boundary violation

Please do not send me asks like this. I have three reasons for this:

1) I am a minor

2) Asks like this one make me feel uncomfortable

3) Asks like this one aren't even relevant, and they feel mildly sexist, transphobic, and enbyphobic. Like why the hell do you want to know a nonbinary character's breast size?

Asks like this make me think that someone is gonna draw NSFW of my characters, and I am extremely uncomfortable with that thought, especially since I'm mildly sex-repulsed.

I have deleted this ask and blocked the anon, this post is a fair warning about what will happen if I get asks like this one.

[touch-starved-lurker]

lowkey transphobic moment from a classmate living rent free in my head rn (she tried to explain that singular they/them is grammatically incorrect in writing)(i didnt say anything back at the time)(but here i am lowkey crying about it)

[shimbongulus]

They didn’t go to Ebbott for a very happy reason either.

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[burning-sol]

Just. Talking under the cut.

Yesterday was weird. I keep going back on my thoughts unable to parse what is reality and what isn't and questioning whether what I did was reasonable. In hindsight, I do think it was right for me to feel gaslit. There were so many things that were off but I was scared and I couldn't say it where more than friends could hear.

It's weird to tell someone who's expressing that something was transphobic that "no it wasn't, actually it was very supportive!" And then you go on to talk about if I don't agree with the thing in question being accurate to trans women's experiencing, then I should read a comic called "gaslighting" where the trans character is being told by the other that what they experienced didn't happen.. That's obviously meant to be a parallel to me. And then when I feel provoked and point out how I feel like *I'm* being gaslit, I'm shut down.

I start getting picked apart for things like the fact I wrote transwomen as one word, I get told I'm transmisogynistic for treating the other in a way that wouldn't have been different if it were any other person, later I'm told that my figurative language of feeling "talked over" isn't literal for therefore I'm wrong, I'm told that my comic where there's TWO transfem characters where only one of them is behaving aggressively is transmisogynistic because I portrayed how I felt the interaction happened. There was also a post made where I think it was implied that I'm TME, which is transphobic to assume of strangers on the internet who you don't have any insight to the experiences of.

This might seem over dramatic but, being a victim of emotional abuse including repeated gaslighting, I feel like this experience of being undermined was something I accurately described in the words I did.

Also, there was a comment about how the other did not have the means to suppress my point of view... The individual in question stated she was a friend to a large blogger who has infinitely more reach than me. If the blogger hadn't been understanding and courteous to me, I could very much be harassed into silence. And as I've said before, I am a victim of gaslighting and emotional abuse as well as being psychotic, so I have struggles with recognising reality and am prone to letting others talk over me or insisting they know my reality better than I do. Most people around me, even if they don't realise, have more power over me than I like to think about.

I think there's also an unwillingness to realise that you DO have certain privileges that extend over me when it comes to being trans:

- As a closeted/non-transitioned trans person, there are situations where I may be talked over and excluded by other members of the community because I'm seen as not being trans enough or not trans yet.

- As a nonbinary trans person, people with binary (I know the term is flawed but please don't twist me words here) transitions may be considered the more "normal" trans person.

- As a fem presenting trans with masculine pronouns, evidently, others are always prone to making incorrect assumptions about me in both my offline and my online life, and then criticised because it's "too complicated to understand" compared to binary trans people.

I don't think I have it "harder" or "easier" than trans women, because certain experiences are too different to be comparable and changes from a case-to-case basis. One day, I might be praised for being cis unlike trans women because that's how I'm being percieved, another day, I might be insulted because I'm such a "clockable" tranny because that's how I'm being percieved. This is why I emphasise how weird it is to be marked as TME by someone who doesn't know me.

The entire exchange made me feel incredibly unsafe in my own community. If others can feel entitled to shut me down when I try to express I've been hurt by something I saw as transphobic, if people are allowed to label me as a transmisogynist because I was critical of them the exact same I would be of any other person.. I don't feel like there is room for me here. Or anywhere.

And to get personal, a part of why this entire thing was so triggering is specifically because I've been gaslit about my gender identity before. Like, this whole debacle just affirms my fears I should have never expected to feel accepted by the community, because it's not even real. I'm not real. How dare I say I'm trans and speak about trans things when I'm clearly not?

For the record, I don't think this person was "hysterical" or any other similarly disparaging words? I said what I said. I said she derailed the conversation, I said if felt like she was gaslighting me, I said it felt like she was impatient, I said it felt like she was speaking for someone else: it felt dismissive and even emotionally abusive. If I accept that what I did was entirely transmisogynistic and how dare I say ANY of it- that kind of mentality is the exact shit that's going to get me put in an abusive relationship again.

"How dare you complain that you felt gaslit by me, that's transmisogynistic!" <- If I internalise this then any abuser that comes along can exploit this critcism of my "morals" to shut me down, which is also very very vile to me having traits of moral OCD.

Just.. I don't know how to conclude this post. I'm hurt and I'm sad and I've struggling with my psychosis and considering just stopping calling myself trans all day. I just hope that this makes sense and it might be helpful to others if you've experienced something similar. Idk.

[cisplus]

I searched "endometriosis" on tumblr, looking for some support and community, and instead kept finding radfems talking about how endometriosis is a women's issue. I cannot express how harmful it is to gatekeep health conditions that affect people of all genders.

Some trans men have endometriosis. Some non-binary and agender people have endometriosis. Endometriosis is an issue that affects all people with uteruses, and saying that it's an issue that only women face is going to make men and non-binary people who have endometriosis suffer.

It's already hard enough for trans and non-binary people to access gynecological care. Let's stand up for trans and non-binary people who have endometriosis, and similar conditions, so that they can access the healthcare they need.

Endometriosis is not solely a womens' issue.

[chelledoggo]

i remember seeing someone on reddit say Zooble "can't be nonbinary" because they "sound like a woman."

...and?

not every nonbinary person can have a perfectly androgynous-sounding voice.

most people have either a "male-sounding" or "female-sounding" voice. that's just how the range of human vocal cords tends to work for the most part.

heck, some cis people even have voices that sound like their opposite gender.

like, come on now.

[enbyhyena]

Shame on you Cal. Shame on you.

It's not a "world view". It's the objective existence of an entire classification of people. You can't just say that black people don't exist because you don't agree with "their views"; it's the same for trans people. We exist whether or not you "believe" in us. And hiding behind your religion is a weak excuse. Fuck outta here.

Instead of giving Cal engagement, feel free to spread this post around. It's also useful in case they try to dirty delete or backtrack their statement. Don't say anything to them, just unfollow and block.

[dyspunktional-leviathan]

I am tired of being nice about people pulling a trans version of “we’re still going to call it women’s issues”

You are not including all trans people (either as a whole or of given agab) when you’re saying transmasc/transfem

You are not even including all trans people (either as a whole or of given agab) when you’re saying stuff like transmasc/transfem and unaligned because someone can be exlusively aligned to their agab and still face the same fucking transphobia! And yes they are trans, if they themself define themself as such, and not a cis person receiving “misdirected” transphobia!

I am tired of seeing stuff and wanting to say hey this affects us too but thinking, I’m doing whataboutism, but I’m not fucking doing whataboutism I am being excluded, purposefully or not

[crystalsandbubbletea]

(Cw: Polyamphobia, enbyphobia)

Love how my mom says she'll support me no matter what and then the minute I come out as polyamorous she tries to convince me that I'm monogamous and just pretending to be polyamorous.

Then again, I shouldn't be surprised. I came out as nonbinary twice to her and the first time I did she said the most enbyphobic things and I had to pretend to be genderfluid. Then the second time I come out as nonbinary she begrudgingly accepted it.

[cartoonscientist]

I think a big issue people on twitter have when they debate border wars stuff as compared to tumblr users is that they can’t seem to understand that a person can be a man and a woman at the same time, or neither, because gender isn’t based on external values, it’s a mindset

honestly I see a lot of young queer people in general really struggling to fully understand that gender is not determined in any way by how other people perceive you or treat you, it is not determined by how your body looks or how you dress (although you can use these things to SIGNAL your gender or modify them to reduce dysphoria), gender is a fully internal concept separate from gender presentation

[aronarchy]

We’re at this level of transphobia now.

[shimbongulus]

Closure isn’t always easy.

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[cobwebbed-crow]

A transmasc nonbinary person could:

-Cut off all their hair

-Change their name and pronouns

-Go exclusively by masculine terms

-Wear only men's clothing

but people will still say: "You can't complain about being misgendered. You're AFAB and FEMME presenting. Of course you get misgendered."

Just because that person can't/doesn't bind and/or medically transition.

[cisplus]

Imagine thinking that this is a gotcha.

Of course trans men and non-binary people experience misogyny too. And you know what? Being a misogynist is always a shitty thing to do, including if you're being misogynistic to trans men and/or non-binary people.

But you're a radfem, and I know from experience that radfems are some of the biggest misogynists out there, so I don't think you're going to be convinced that easily.

Wish I could tag this person, but they're untaggable.

[chelledoggo]

the weird enbyphobia on TADC!reddit lately is making me just a little bit petty 👀