#cw enbyphobia

[crystalsandbubbletea]

Vent post

(CW: Negative thoughts, acephobia, arophobia, enbyphobia, polyamphobia, swearing)

There are sometimes where I hate that I'm Demisexual and Demiromantic, sometimes it makes me feel alone, and sometimes it feels like I may die alone.

I came out as Demiromantic and Demisexual to some people, and they refused to try to understand.

I didn't ask to be part of the aromantic spectrum, I didn't ask to be part of the asexual spectrum. I was born this way.

I don't want a romantic relationship until I form a close emotional bond with people.

I hate that I'm polyamorous. I get called a 'cheater' because of it.

I have never been in a relationship in my life, how the fuck am I a cheater?

My mom also refuses to hear me out about it.

I hate that I'm nonbinary. I feel like I don't belong anywhere. I live in the Southeastern US and I never feel included, I only feel included whenever I'm around my friends who are also LGBTQIA+. Other than that, I never feel seen.

I hate that I'm Trixic. I'm sorry that 'lesbian' didn't feel like the correct term for me..? I'm sorry that I saw what Trixic was and thought 'Huh, this sounds like me?'

I hate being a polyamorous, Trixic, Demisexual, Demiromantic, Nonbinary... I feel like I'm alone sometimes, and I feel like I'm going to die alone...

[cisplus]

I searched "endometriosis" on tumblr, looking for some support and community, and instead kept finding radfems talking about how endometriosis is a women's issue. I cannot express how harmful it is to gatekeep health conditions that affect people of all genders.

Some trans men have endometriosis. Some non-binary and agender people have endometriosis. Endometriosis is an issue that affects all people with uteruses, and saying that it's an issue that only women face is going to make men and non-binary people who have endometriosis suffer.

It's already hard enough for trans and non-binary people to access gynecological care. Let's stand up for trans and non-binary people who have endometriosis, and similar conditions, so that they can access the healthcare they need.

Endometriosis is not solely a womens' issue.

[cartoonscientist]

I think a big issue people on twitter have when they debate border wars stuff as compared to tumblr users is that they can’t seem to understand that a person can be a man and a woman at the same time, or neither, because gender isn’t based on external values, it’s a mindset

honestly I see a lot of young queer people in general really struggling to fully understand that gender is not determined in any way by how other people perceive you or treat you, it is not determined by how your body looks or how you dress (although you can use these things to SIGNAL your gender or modify them to reduce dysphoria), gender is a fully internal concept separate from gender presentation

[crystalsandbubbletea]

(Cw: Polyamphobia, enbyphobia)

Love how my mom says she'll support me no matter what and then the minute I come out as polyamorous she tries to convince me that I'm monogamous and just pretending to be polyamorous.

Then again, I shouldn't be surprised. I came out as nonbinary twice to her and the first time I did she said the most enbyphobic things and I had to pretend to be genderfluid. Then the second time I come out as nonbinary she begrudgingly accepted it.

[randomscropio]

Finding Out and Coming Out

A pre-cannon Inanimate Insanity fic I made from a writing prompt generator. Warnings: Humanized Object Shows (II), yelling, doctors, mild swear words (I think they're mild at least), anxiety (mentioned), gender dysmorphia (I don't think I wrote it very well, I'm sorry!), enbyphobia (in the sense that the character with it thinks that there are only two genders (male and female) and that other genders are unessassary and are just people who want to be labeled), she/her Paintbrush (only until they realize they're nonbinary, then they use they/them pronouns)

"What the hell is the condition of my child?" Paintbrush's father yelled, Paintbrush flinched and pulled the hood of her hoodie over her head.

"Look, sir. There is nothing wrong with your child, other than the fact that she may have anxiety." The doctor said in a voice that was calm but firm.

"This was a waste of time." Paintbrush's father muttered to himself.

"Whatever! I don't need a goddamn doctor!" He yelled.

Yeah, it's not like they spend years earning their degrees and know more about the human body than you do. Paintbrush thought sarcastically, rolling her eyes.

"Come on, Paintbrush." Paintbrush's father grabbed her wrist.

___

She looked in the mirror. "God, my body looks wrong. What's wrong with me?" She asked herself. She had been asking herself this for a while. She didn't feel like a girl or a guy. Was there a secret third option that she didn't know about?

"This is your fault, Paintbrush." She told herself. She blew a piece of blond hair out of her face, the purple that she died her tips was fading out.

Maybe she should die it again. That wasn't the point. She went into her room and pulled out her phone. "Why don't I feel like a girl or a guy?" She said slowly, typing the words into Google. As usual, there were many results. She looked at one of the terms ", "nonbinary, and copied and pasted it into the serch bar.

She clicked a drop-down on one of the "people also ask" things that read "What is the literal meaning of nonbinary?" genders that don't fit into two categories, male or female." She muttered. Her eyes widened.

Am I nonbinary? She asked herself. I don't feel like a girl or a guy, so I am nonbinary, right?

___

"Hey, Lightbulb?" "What's up?" Lightbulb asked. "I did some research last night and, well..."

"What is it?"

"So, you know how you were born a guy but feel like a girl? Not that you aren't a girl, you are it's just!-"

"Painty, I understand what you're saying. Continue on!"

"Well, I don't feel like a girl or a guy, and my body just looks... wrong. Again, I don't feel like a guy or a girl! It's just, ugh! It's so confusing!" She made a lot of big motions while speaking, which happened whenever she felt strong emotions.

"Ooooh! It's c isnt it!?" Lightbulb asked.

"...what?" She asked. Her voice was soft. She hated how her volume immediately lowered whenever she asked a question.

"It's another way to say nonbinary. Which, I'm pretty sure, is what you are!"

Paintbrush nodded. "Okay, thanks. I wasn't sure if I am or not..."

"No problem, Painty!" Lightbuld patted Paintbrush on the back. "Are you still comfortable with she/her or..?"

"Honesty? I don't know why but, whenever she/her is used on me it doesn't feel right, but it's the same thing with he/him, and I don't know if there are any other pronouns!"

"There are tons more! But how about they/them?"

"That sounds a lot better." Paintbrush nodded

"They/them it is then! Make sure to tell your parents."

"Thanks."

___

Paintbrush sighed.

"Come on, you can do this." They whispered to themself. "Mom? Dad?"

"Yeah?" The two parents said at the same time.

"Can we... talk?"

"Sure, Paintbrush." Their mom responded, for both herself and Paintbrush's dad.

"Okay, meet me upstairs, please." A few moments after Paintbrush sat down on the couch, their parents came in. "Okay, so I've been questioning what my gender is for a while and finally figured it out." They took a deep breath. "I'm nonbinary."

"...what the hell does that mean?"

Paintbrush's mom looked at their father, mouth agape. "Pallet!" She said.

"It means that I'm not a girl or a boy."

"Those are the only two genders, though!"

"No, they aren't! There are many more!"

"Ugh, whatever. They're all unnecessary."

"Well, please use they/them on me..."

"No." Their dad said simply. "Paintbrush, you are either a girl or a boy."

Paintbrush wanted to cry. "Forget this, forget I said anything." They said, walking down the stairs and to their room. They curled their knees up to their chest.

"Paintbrush? Are you okay in there?"

"Leave me alone, please." They said, just barely loud enough to hear through the door.

"Okay."

"What's going on with her?" One of Paintbrush's two younger brothers, Acrylic, asked.

"Them." Their mom corrected gently. "Your father said that they shouldn't be referred to as they/them, he thinks it's unnecessary."

"Oh. Are they going to be okay?"

"Hopefully."

"Yeah." Painrbrush muttered to themself, "hopefully"

[lesgay-lover]

welcome back to transandrophobia talks im your host az lesgayloser and today we're talking about slurs!!

cw: discussion of slurs & more in-depth transandrophobia than in my last posts below the cut

(note- i will likely be using exorsexism & transandrophobia semi interchangeably. exorsexism is also known as enbyphobia and is basically just bigotry directed at nonbinary people)

in this post i want to discuss "theyfab" specifically. i looked it up on urban dictionary and was immediately met with an insane amount of exorsexism. i'll include some quotes from different definitions i found on there below, but they mostly share a few characteristics. 1) their refusal to call the term a slur (this will be important later) and 2) their intense and obvious hatred of transmasc/neu people who do not perform their gender to perfect standards of androgyny/masculinity.

"A term used to mock girls who identify as non binary without changing their gender presentation at all. They tend to be incredibly vocal about how they are LGBT, and consider anyone who doesn't use they/them a transphobe, even if they are obviously a female." (june 2023)

"a non-dysphoric woman larping as nonbinary. the term is a combination of the pronoun they and the term AFAB, and is commonly used to make fun of & mock women who identify as NB without changing their female appearance, and call out anyone who doesn't use their pronouns. (august 2023)

it is glaringly obvious that these 2023 definitions are written by either transmedicalists or straight up transphobes. however, i did find one other definition which i think is noteworthy.

"A derogatory term for a non-binary person who uses the fact that they were assigned female at birth to talk over trans women, while positioning themself as being the “safe” and good kind of queer person" (august 2024)

you'll notice that in this one, the slur has shifted from being outright transphobic in its definition to being framed as a perfectly reasonable term for trans women to use, because the 'theyfab' is talking over them!

but you really have to wonder. what right do these women have to do that? why do they get to take a slur and make it magicially woke while continuing to perpetuate the transandrophobia behind it? there's an insane difference between a queer person reclaiming a slur for themself (eg me calling myself a dyke) and a queer person taking a slur, giving it a new, still insulting meaning, and hurling it at the people it was initially used against. why is it okay here?

this is getting pretty long so im gonna end it here but. more thoughts likely coming soon.

[shimbongulus]

Good memories mixed with the bad.

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[arandombiped]

yall help I broke off a friendship over text but I messed up big time by leaving it open-ended because now I am a jittery ball of anxiety trying not to explode

context under the cut, cw for transphobia/enbyphobia

So I’ve known this guy since we were like 7 (we’re both 17). We live down the street from each other, we had a lot of similar interests and stuff, but once I started questioning my identity and figuring things out, he was pretty resistant to me changing. When I told him I was aroace, he basically just said no, and that I just had to wait for the right guy. When I told him I was enby, I learned from my mistakes and told him over text. He never responded. He never changed what he called me.

This past Monday, I texted him this:

Hey I know it’s been a while since we brought up my pronouns, so I wanted to ask your comfort level on actually using they/them for me 

and I got no response. So today I sent:

👆genuine question, you could even just put it on a scale from 1-10

and he finally replied, saying that he was at a 1-2. I asked if there was anything I could do to raise that comfort level. He said no because it was his “personal stance on the subject.” I told him this (just gonna keep copying because this was a kinda long interaction)

well, I do hope you can see it’s a bit more than a personal preference for me. It does really get tiring to be referred to as something I’m not. I just kinda wanted to get a gauge and give you a heads up, because I’m at a point where I’m going to be correcting people when they’re using the wrong ones, including yall in the friend group. If you are at all curious about why this matters so much to me, just let me know and I’ll do my best to explain when I’m ready 

And I am being very genuine and honest here. I really did just want to see where his comfort level was, because I know that it would have a pretty big impact on me going forward. But to this he said:

From my perspective calling you they/them is calling you something you aren’t, and I did not say preference, I said stance meaning that I do not condone your decision on this matter.

chat do you know the willpower it took to not strangle a man today

I took a minute after this text to consult with the one friend of mine who I usually vent to about this guy, then spent about 30 minutes writing this in response (it’s gonna be long):

Firstly I just want to say, I hold no grudges towards you and I truly value our friendship. We have known each other since we were in the second grade, and I am very happy that we were able to be friends. But my identity is not your choice to make. My identity is not an opinion or something to joke about or something I have “chosen.” You don’t get to “condone” or “not condone,” it just IS. If you are unable to accept the reality of who I am as a person, then we are not required to continue this relationship. I will likely continue to interact with you at school and at D&D, but I will take no initiative to be around you. This part of me isn’t going away anytime soon. If you are unwilling to make space for me in your life because of your personal stance, then I am not going to wait around for you. If you are willing to reconsider your stance, then I will be willing to continue being friends with you. Either way, I wish you the best and I hope you can understand.

He hasn’t responded since. I’m not even sure if he’s read it. But now I’m dealing with the anxiety of being stuck with no response. I’m defaulting to not being friends anymore, but it’s just really rough.

[cisplus]

@trorklin

Yes, I agree that this would be a messed up thing to say. Thankfully, this isn't what I said.

When I lived as a non-binary person who was afab, I noticed that women and girls especially were enbyphobic towards me. There is a lot of enbyphobia towards *all* non-binary people, granted, and I'd love it if you or someone else made another post talking about that.

But non-binary people who were afab can experience their own form of enbyphobia where people treat them as failed women. I specifically experienced lesbophobia where I was treated as the "predatory lesbian" stereotype. I wanted to make women and girls aware that they're treating certain trans and non-binary people like this as a way to fight back against enbyphobia and transandrophobia.

Hope that helps to clear things up!

[jupiter--dream]

(I'm gonna be angry in this post so feel free to skip if you don't wanna read it!!!!! /gen)

I opened tiktok and this was the first video.

I hate it here, I hate it here, I HATE IT HERE.

AGH.

I just blocked them and moved on but fucking god. This is literally part of the reason why I don't feel safe when someone says they're lgbt friendly, because that support suddenly disappears when it's something they're not used to.

I don't even know. What the fuck. I hate it here.

[dcroar-x]

It is just as invasive and disrespectful to ask a nonbinary person what's in their pants as it a trans or cis person. Please. Stop. And especially dont continue to ask after they have said they arent comfortable answering.

[quotes-of-dreamland]

Some dumb Enbyphobe: so are you a boy or a girl

Gryll: pretty sure I count as a puffball

Enbyphobe: no like are you a he or a she

Gryll: I’m a witch

Enbyphobe: what is in your pants?

Gryll: ✨magic, bitch✨

[echsellentlizard]

Imagine being the clown out reblogging from Glumshoe while bitching about how he/him lesbians are “invalid”.