#emdr intensive

[keepingthehopealive]

EMDR session #2. Taking what i sent to PT after the session.

ET-emdr therapist

PT-primary therapist

When I went in, ET asked how the last 3 weeks had been and I said "a shit show" which she laughed but then asked more about. I briefly touched on some medical stuff I'm dealing with and then some stuff with my animals stressing me out.

ET asked if we could talk more about the relationship with my mom since we started to touch on it last time. That relationship and dynamics was already really activated because of the session I had with PT a few days prior where it came up (+ an upcoming visit with mom). I said how the compassionate response in childhood probably would have been that my needs were different than my sisters versus the response and narrative I got of youre needy, dependent, too much and the accompanying shame. ET asked what it would have felt like to hear that as a child or even how it felt now to say and hear that. I said it felt like a vice around my body, restriction and tightness and the freeze.

I talked about how the self hatred really goes back to infancy. Not in a cognitive way, but that when I look at baby pictures of myself as a baby all I feel is disgust and judgement, mainly "I've always been ugly" and watching videos of myself as a young toddler/child (my mom videoed our childhood and then it was something we watched a lot too) how annoying I was, too much, how bad my anxiety was even at a really young age etc. I know these narratives come from my mom, she makes these comments constantly. Its sad and pathetic though. I think of the babies in the NICU or at work now, even the most difficult, exhausting toddlers, and can never fathom feeling this way about them, yet I cant disconnect these feelings when it comes to myself.

We talked about my therapy history with K, P, L and my current therapist PT and those relationships. ET was saying how I needed the relational and attachment work and how K ended up reinacting my mom. When I argued that I shouldn't need it now, and need to do it for myself, ET said the young wounded child part of me needs it and that the adult me wants to be able to do it for myself and by myself, like to find safety in my body and in myself versus through relationships and others, particularly in therapy. She asked about talking to that part directly, which was really challenging and she validated that most of me couldn't hear it because of the protective parts. ET said she isn't trying to get rid of those protective parts, just wants to work with them directly.

The biggest theme of the session was my disorganized attachment, starting with my mom. With the lens of parts work, she talked a lot about how strong my protective parts are, that im a "super well protected" system. Im able to conceptulize it, but the freeze, shame and other shields come up immediately when trying to feel it in my body or apply it to myself from an empathetic view. She talked about the shame as the "monster within". 

In terms of how I was in the appointment, it felt different than last time in that I was able to be a bit more open with what I was thinking and experiencing in response to her. She is heavy on psychoeducation, which is fine and I do appreciate and find interesting, but I was more open about what I was able to hear or accept and what I wasn't. I struggled more this appointment with talking and my voice and the freeze, in different ways than last time. At one point I was completely collapsed and curled up and was shame spiraling. ET had to go to the bathroom anyway so we used that as a break and it helped in that I was able to uncurl a bit once I was alone for a minute. 

ET does a lot of bringing attention to my body and how im experiencing things, which is newer for me in therapy and is where I really struggle, dropping out of the cognitive intellectualizing and into my body and somatic experience of things.

If we view it from this lens then I think the struggle with the fact that not only do ET and PT see the child part that's struggling but theyre compassionate towards it and trying to work with it, when Im only working against it. thats what I've been told and taught to do from the time I was that child. So it makes sense that I feel like PT treats me like a child or as weak because they are seeing and working with a different part of me.

Its hard enough to intelluctalize it this way, but when I try to experience and feel it somatically, its impossible. ET would talk about ways that doing EMDR can help get there, which was triggering a lot of shame in the moment of how Im not even able to try it or do it, because all we did was talk and I could answer questions and intelluctually talk about things, but when it came to doing anything physical or active, i tried a few times but could not do it. She said that we were still doing EMDR because we are doing the first steps of history taking and resourcing and talked about how sometimes EMDR ends up very "front loaded" with the work and other times it's more back loaded and that its more than just the reprocessing work. Which I know and understand on a cognitive level, but can't get myself to feel it as OK in my body or in the moment when im spiraling feeling like I'm failing (EMDR, therapy, myself..) and weak and stupid.

We did also talk about the hopelessness being much more present than the maybe 5% of me that has hope things could be fundamentally different. ET frames it as state change versus trait change.

[serenityquest]

[backpackingspace]

My therapist: Okay don't freak out but you ....know if you want to know the long term physiological affects of being tortured you have to go to a doctor right?

Me: yes but consider I'm never going to do that so what's your best guest

My therapist: you mean besides the insane amount of trauma ?

[clownov]

i think.. i Thingk..... talking to 3 therapists in 2 days Might have been bad for me.........

[overwhelmed-frog]

fellow sapphics who had an intense homoerotic friendship in high school that ultimately imploded and ended in disaster, how we feeling since chappell roan released her new song?

[nature-played-a-trick-on-me]

Why is it so hard to get specialised mental health care in the netherlands whyyyyyyyyyyyyy

I'm an adult and I know what troubles me and I know which therapies I've tried and didn't help me and I know what therapies could help me and which I haven't tried yet and which are evidence based so I go to my gp and ask for therapy and I get a referral and I have an intake and I say this is my problem, these therapies I've tried which didn't work, I would like to try this therapy because xyz, and I get the same unsuccessful therapy after waiting for half a year!!! IF TALK THERAPY WAS HELPFUL FOR ME I WOULDVE BEEN CURED OF ALL MENTAL ILLNESS THRICE OVER!

[telechats1121]

Trauma EMDR

Trauma focused EMDR therapy specifically targets traumatic experiences and memories for processing and resolution. The basic EMDR protocol is then adapted to target trauma related triggers emotions and beliefs associated with the past traumatic event in a safe and supportive context allowing for proper processing and integration of the traumatic material.

[familyreflectionsprogram]

Parental Alienation Support: Guidance to Rebuild Healthy Relationships

Parental alienation is a complex and emotionally charged issue that can deeply impact the relationship between parents and children. It occurs when one parent undermines the child’s relationship with the other parent, often leading to feelings of confusion, resentment, and detachment. Addressing parental alienation is vital for the well-being of everyone involved, particularly the children, who often bear the emotional brunt of the situation. With the right parental alienation support, families can work toward healing and rebuilding trust, paving the way for healthier relationships.

Understanding Parental Alienation

Parental alienation often arises in contentious divorce or custody battles. Children may feel caught in the middle, struggling to reconcile conflicting narratives from both parents. This can result in long-term emotional and psychological effects if left unaddressed. Understanding the signs of parental alienation—such as a child’s sudden hostility toward one parent or an unreasonable preference for the other—is the first step in tackling the issue. Seeking professional guidance and support is crucial for breaking this cycle and fostering reconciliation.

The Role of a Reunification Program for Families

A reunification program for families plays a pivotal role in addressing parental alienation. These programs are designed to rebuild trust and communication between estranged parents and children. By involving trained professionals, such programs provide a safe and neutral environment for dialogue. Families can explore their feelings, confront misconceptions, and develop strategies to improve their relationships. Tailored interventions and therapeutic techniques ensure that the program meets the unique needs of each family, facilitating long-term healing.

How Parent-Child Reconciliation Services Can Help

Rebuilding a strained parent-child bond requires patience, effort, and expert guidance. Parent-child reconciliation services offer structured support to navigate these challenges. These services help children feel heard and understood, fostering a sense of security and belonging. Parents, too, benefit from learning strategies to communicate effectively, show empathy, and rebuild trust. With the assistance of skilled counselors, families can embark on a journey of mutual understanding, creating a foundation for positive and lasting connections.

Addressing parental alienation is essential for the emotional health of all family members. With resources like parental alienation support, reunification programs, and parent-child reconciliation services, families can work toward healing and restoring their relationships. For more information on tailored programs that prioritize family well-being, visit Family Reflections Program.

[sowaniagermainlmhc]

EMDR Intensive Therapy Near Me | Sowaniagermainlmhc.com

Seeking EMDR intensive therapy in New York? Discover effective treatment options at Sowania Germain LMHC. Our experienced therapists offer specialized Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) therapy to help individuals overcome trauma, anxiety, PTSD, and more.

EMDR Intensive Therapy Near Me

[intensivetherapyretreatsbe]

The Unique EMDR Experience In the Tranquil Neighborhoods of Beacon, NY

Deciphering EMDR Intensive Therapy for Mental Well-being: Exploring its Intricacies and Benefits

Intensive Therapy Retreats, nestled in the tranquil neighborhoods of Beacon, NY, is proud to offer transformative EMDR intensive therapy retreats. These retreats provide individuals struggling with trauma-related issues with an immersive healing experience that goes beyond traditional therapy.

What Exactly is EMDR Intensive Therapy?

EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) therapy is a specialized form of therapy designed to help individuals process and heal from traumatic experiences. It involves a structured approach to therapy that incorporates bilateral stimulation, such as eye movements, to help the brain reprocess traumatic memories and emotions in a safe and controlled manner. EMDR therapy is highly effective in treating trauma-related conditions, including PTSD, anxiety, and depression.

The Unique Experience of EMDR Intensive Therapy Retreats

At Intensive Therapy Retreats in Beacon, the EMDR intensive therapy experience is taken to the next level. Participants engage in multiple therapy sessions daily, allowing for deep and comprehensive healing. The retreat environment provides a safe and supportive space for individuals to explore their trauma and work through difficult emotions with the guidance of experienced therapists.

The Power of Experienced Therapists

Experienced EMDR therapists wield a profound understanding of trauma and the intricate nuances of EMDR therapy. With their specialized training and empathetic approach, they guide clients through the complex process of trauma healing, fostering a safe and supportive environment for exploration and growth. Their expertise enables them to tailor one-on-one therapy sessions to each client's unique needs, ensuring effective resolution of past traumas and empowering clients to embrace a future free from the shackles of their past. Through their skillful guidance and compassionate presence, experienced EMDR therapists instill hope, resilience, and healing, leading clients toward profound transformation and a renewed sense of well-being. At EMDR intensive therapy retreats, experienced therapists provide a dedicated space for intensive healing, offering clients the opportunity to delve deeply into their trauma under the guidance of skilled professionals.

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The results of EMDR intensive therapy retreats can be truly transformative. Many participants report significant reductions in symptoms of PTSD, anxiety, and depression, as well as improvements in overall quality of life. By providing a concentrated and immersive healing experience, these retreats allow individuals to make rapid progress in their healing journey.

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Intensive Therapy Retreats, Beacon is committed to making their EMDR intensive therapy retreats accessible to all individuals, regardless of background. They offer payment plans with up to 36 months of financing, ensuring that cost is not a barrier to receiving the help they need.

Personalized Treatment Plans

Each participant at Intensive Therapy Retreats, Beacon, receives a personalized treatment plan tailored to their specific needs and goals. This individualized approach ensures that participants receive the support and guidance they need to address their trauma and move forward on their healing journey.

Continuing Support and Aftercare

The support doesn't end when the retreat is over. Intensive Therapy Retreats are pleased to offer online follow-up coaching to assist individuals in integrating the tools and changes acquired during the retreat and support their progress in the future. These arrangements can be made following the retreat. It is recommended that individuals have an ongoing therapist at home.

In short, EMDR intensive therapy retreats offer individuals struggling with trauma-related issues a comprehensive and immersive healing experience. By combining EMDR therapy with holistic wellness activities, a supportive environment, personalized treatment plans, and continuing support and aftercare, these retreats provide a unique opportunity for deep and transformative healing. Whether you are struggling with PTSD, anxiety, depression, or other trauma-related conditions, retreats that offer EMDR intensive therapy may be just what you need to reclaim your life and move forward on your healing journey.

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Experience solace, hope, and transformation at Intensive Therapy Retreats in Beacon, NY, tailored for individuals confronting depression and mental health obstacles. Highlighting immersive settings, individualized assistance, and integration of mind and body, these retreats provide a comprehensive approach to mental wellness. With a focus on empowering individuals to rediscover joy, resilience, and a promising future, reach out to them at (413) 331-7421 for a consultation with skilled therapists and explore their impactful mental health retreats, including those incorporating EMDR therapy.

[keepingthehopealive]

Emdr intensive session #1.

I want to write about this. May end up making it private or even deleting it, but right now sharing feels ok and safer. This is basically what I wrote to my therapist PT (main therapist) after the session with ET (emdr therapist)

The freeze was immediate and extreme. I went in and immediately curled up quite a bit and didn't make eye contact or engage. There wasn't any judgement about me not making eye contact and ET did a lot to show and tell me how it was OK. I think it kind of helped that ET knew it going in so she addressed it immediately. It was an interesting balance of her not immediately trying to save me from it or push me out of it jumping into conversation or questions, but also not leaving me stuck in it. She gave me a couple fidgits to play with while we talked and talked through some small movements with varried success on my part. I spent most of the 3 hours in the freeze, but to varrying levels. ET told me right from the start that she has experienced tonic immobility and freeze before and that she does understand it. She also later said she has worked with multiple clients with dissociative presentations and freeze.

When we were talking about the dogs or work, I felt some moments of reprieve. I didn't really "lose" my voice till the last half hour but I was able to push through it. Towards the end, I also started getting really bad stomach pain and cramps. My body feels depleted and in pain today, which isn't a foreign experience for me, but feels quite extreme. I crashed hard after session yesterday and am glad I have the weekend off, since I don't think I'd be able to jump back into work after the session.

We talked a lot about the freeze and she tried different things to get me to move and work with it. I of course was a failure and couldn't do much of anything she suggested or asked of me, even the tiny things like closing my eyes or small movements. Its reinforcing the hopelessness and pointlessness of doing all this because I cant even fucking try. I know it wouldn't have been a reasonable expectation that I'd suddenly be able to do something different, it just feels so shameful, especially as I'm now spiraling over some of the things that I (should have, wish I could have, wanted to etc) try when ET suggested or asked me to try. Especially when she tried showing an EMDR technique to try (flash technique). I wanted to scream at myself that its the whole fucking point and how im a weak failure and wasting everyone's time if I cant even try.

We talked a lot about protective parts and defenses and identified some of the big ones for me which were the freeze, (skin) picking and then the "I cant". I felt like it did weave into a lot of history taking too, and we covered a lot, but it didnt feel too intake-ey.

ET did a lot of psychoeducation, a lot of stuff that felt familiar to me and I already knew (which she was validating about and respected and didn't talk down to me) but some from a different lens with parts work. Shame made those parts of the conversations really hard to engage with. It wasn't that they didn't feel relevant or land with me it was the thoughts about how it shouldnt land for me and I don't have trauma or deserve it. One of those exercises was thinking about the fearful part and how old it is/what it needs to loosen the grip on some of the defenses. That was where the "I cant" came in full force and I couldn't engage or even try. It was also very hard to engage at all with what was happening in my body.

I felt that ET was way too nice and validating. In the begining it felt more infantalizing and like fake niceness but I don't think it was. It was just her going slow and not pushing me, probably made worse by the fact that I walked in and immediately froze and all the defenses came up (so damage control on her part basically). It got a bit better as the session progressed, and I communicated it in the way I could. I actually used what you had said about how deliberate validation and reassurance doesn't work well for me but I do better with genuineness. Even before I said or communicated any of that, ET had already self disclosed that she's experienced the freeze and tonic immobility before. I ultimately felt she was genuine but still too nice. She kept saying "its fine", particularly when I was shame spiraling, and I pushed back. ET's response was that it was fine for her, even if it wasn't for me.

Other stuff:

ET does both EMDR and parts work so a lot of what we talked about was more parts work based. she mentioned doing a "map" but we only got as far as making a list of the protective parts coming up as there was a lot to talk about there. She also talked a lot about the polyvagal theory, window of tolerance and how I am alternating between hypo and hyperarousal but never in that window of tolerance. PT does ACT and said they've reframed it as "window of flexibility" where its the state where you feel and are able to make decisions.

Another thing ET said when I was talking about my mother is the term "emotional incest" which I've never heard but she explained and I looked up after is similar to enmeshment. The bit that I looked up is very relevant to my relationship with my mom.

My HW is a resourcing/anchoring activity of thinking of times, people, places etc where I have felt that sense of safety or neutrality in my body and in myself. Im going to write about it separately I think because PT and I have been working through it together, which has been helpful and interesting.

I see ET again in about a week and half so it'll be 3 weeks between the appointments. Im not sure what will be after that as that is what we booked so far. Its already been hard and intense, but i at least think I want to keep trying for the time being since it is a different approach and something new.

[altruisticenigma]

Post-EMDR Rambles; none of this is coherent at all but this needs to go somewhere

Cold, frosty, foggy mornings waiting for the bus.

The way the landscape felt under my feet and legs when I walked- hills, dips, how uneven it was.

The feeling of peeling paint chips underneath my hands. The smell of the barn- how drastically the workshop smelled differently from the main room. The feeling of petting the cats. The image of the uneven concrete, and the bird bath among the fronds of the hot poker plants. The feeling of the rough concrete underneath my hands and legs from the "front porch," and how it felt like it was always damp, no matter what.

The rocks alongside the flower bed, and how I'd walk along them- if you were careful, you could walk from one side of the house to the other. My feet always found the natural path easily. That one rock on the side of the driveway. How much I would sit on it. The look and the feeling of the sap from the huge pines surrounding the house.

I thought a house was supposed to be haunted, not a house haunting me. I can't tell if I'm trapped there, or if it is a comfort beckoning me back home. I remember the feelings- the smells, the textures, the sights- as vividly as I had lived them. But unfortunately I remember the violence of you at the same time, and it makes no sense. It's a home; you were the worst thing to happen to me. Why are those two things getting so muddled in my mind like one big chaotic, violent fucked up flashback? Is there anything you didn't get your fucking hands on?

[sensitiveaangel]

reading through my emdr journals from a couple years ago is like 😮 i had ptsd for real and am actually living such a better life now…who knew!!

[zebrashavestripes]

I FUCKING HATE JULIAN RUSH HE IS THE WORST.

As someone who has been in EMDR therapy for over 2 years, I think I should start with that. It should be physically impossible for a good emdr therapist to allow a patient to experience a flashback during a session. The entire point of this process is to allow the brain to be conscious and alert in the present whilst also processing and remembering the past. A flashback means the patient is fully in the past, not in the present, and the therapist has failed plain and simple.

If a flash back DOES occur, under no circumstance would you ever, ever, ever, grab said patient and HOLD THEM DOWN. this is not "Safe" this usually provokes the patient further (rightly so) because you are VIOLATING their personal space and boundaries. therapy is supposed to reinforce boundaries and people's ability to express them, not push them further. Sofia left immediately after being provoked, and she was right to. I just wish she had never spoken to him again after that.

The fact the Dr. Rush performed intense electro therapy on patients in Arkham??? Whether she had killed those people or not, there is no way electro therapy would have made her better??? What the actual fuck.

HIS ATTRACTION TO HER IS NOT CUTE. Look I see Sofia. I am a lesbian. I have eyes. She deserves all the admiration she gets. But Julian is just so fucking creepy and it's genuinely sickening. He looks at her with this very objectifying and sexual gaze. It's true that she's sexy and powerful, but he is plainly unworthy of her because he doesn't RESPECT her. Not really. He sees her as powerful, sure, but that's not the same as respect. He pushes her boundaries, asks for things he knows she shouldn't give him. He's just plain disturbing.

IN CONCLUSION: I hope she kills him <3

[indigochromatic]

Some Basic Advice About EMDR for Systems

(drawing on our own experiences, reading about it, and comparing notes with our therapist)

This is mainly aimed at systems who are considering doing EMDR or planning on it, but want to know what the process is like and what to look out for, with some personal experiences sprinkled in.

Under the cut, because I talk a lot:

General Concept

I think the big picture in our experience is that EMDR is/was like…an intensifier for the kind of headspace/internal system interaction processing work that a lot of systems do naturally, at least a little, especially if they have decent internal communication. This has both upsides and downsides/areas to be cautious about.

A lot of EMDR pre-work (often called “resourcing”) is about making sure you have a good toolbox of “mental tricks/techniques” to be able to handle unexpected intense emotions, feelings, and/or imagery etc that often comes up when you get into trying to work with traumatic stuff. This is in my opinion very important, and something your therapist should take at least a few sessions to talk with you about even if you already have good tools for it already, just to make sure they know your strategies and you’re all on the same page. Also super common and normal to spend some time developing extra ones if needed—stuff like “the box” for temporarily containing crisis emotions when needed, having a mental “safe space” that you can come back to, etc. Also, EMDR specifically tends to often be a little rigid/scripted in the types of visualizations and metaphors you’re “supposed” to use, but in my opinion a good therapist should be flexible enough to adapt to equivalent images/techniques you may already have (like, “imagine you’re viewing the traumatic memory on a movie screen, or out the window of a train going through a tunnel” is a common instruction; if, say, your headspace has a lot of fantasy elements and it makes more internal sense to be viewing the memory via…scrying in a dish or something, your therapist should be down with you doing that instead, if you want to).

As for the sessions themselves, a big thing we don’t hear articulated a lot is that, in our experience  and that of some other folks we know, EMDR has a tendency of being…like, sneakily intense: It doesn’t necessarily hit you all at once in the session, which may just feel like “ok, that was Some Therapy Work but I’m chill”, but then over the rest of the day and maybe even the next few days, it’s not uncommon to keep feeling a lot of emotional intensity/vulnerability, having more intense “internal conversations and/or realizations”, etc. For this reason, EMDR is generally supposed to start with a very mild memory-to-process, like 4-5 out of 10 max.

Notes of Caution and Stuff to Keep In Mind

Especially for folks who already heavily dissociate from emotional trauma, it’s super easy to think you’re “going too easy” only to find that the memory has a lot more emotional baggage than you realized—really go easy on yourself when you start, EMDR is like psychology power tools and you absolutely can hurt yourself. (We’ve heard from plenty of systems who had bad therapists who did not adequately support them in doing EMDR, and absolutely fucked them over by starting too big and retraumatizing the hell out of them— this isn’t meant as fear-mongering, especially if you really like and trust your therapist, but just genuine “hey, EMDR can be very volatile stuff, which is part of why it can be so helpful, but also means that it’s important to not skip out on the safety precautions and self-care”.) What this means in practice is often stuff like: (our recommendations at least) - trying to schedule breaks/easy days immediately after - possibly getting someone to drive you home, especially if you know you’re going after a Big Thing, because the dissociation hangover immediately after can be pretty real - start with a memory that feels "too easy", and scale up if a week later it still felt trivial/like you’re fully over it, because it’s way easier to ramp up than try to do damage control.

Our personal experience, in tl:dr form, was that it felt like the core of the technique was really useful for us, and mirrored some of the most useful instances of self-processing we’d had before while also kind of serving as a “shortcut” to it—but, it was pretty intense and we didn’t really like/fit well with the therapists who we were working with at the time, which is why we stopped (didn’t want to keep doing an emotionally intense thing with folks we didn’t trust).

Finally, a bit about EMDR and "maybe I'm plural but I'm not sure, and/or may not have great in-system communication": yeah, this is a case to be especially slow and careful, for all the aforementioned reasons; what my instinct/recommendation would be in those cases is to: 1) make sure you learn a lot of resourcing techniques 2) try to check in with yourself(s) frequently and with compassion/intent-to-collaborate, "ask the inside of your head how it's feeling" and even if you're not sure whether the "reply" was just your own thoughts or a headmate, listen and try to engage with/respect those responses and emotions 3) if you start getting warning signs/back-off signals/sudden intense feelings, listen to them and lighten up, pause the session if you need to, do some self care etc, even (especially) if you don't know why you felt that way and it seems 'odd/random', and really you're super curious about what's going on and just want to figure it out. Like...you and the inside of your head and/or other system members are trying to navigate a complicated D&D maze together, in the dark, and you each only have part of the map--so you have to work together and trust each other, especially listening to warning signals even when your "part of the map" doesn't show anything to worry about there. And the more you work together and trust each other, the better everything gets, including therapy work.

When it's "Death By A Thousand Papercuts"-type Trauma Instead

If you're not sure where to start because there aren't a lot of obvious "Big Bad Memories" that feel like they adequately explain the issues you're having, some recommendations:

-> First, note that "no Big Bad Memories are immediately coming to mind, idk" is super common in systems and also in CPTSD, way more than I think most folks realize, so know that you're not alone and also that it doesn't mean you don't necessarily have stuff deserving of help and support.

-> So yeah, there's kinda two things imo you can try. The first is, if your therapist is on the more flexible side, you can try doing EMDR with either "this specific memory wasn't too bad, but it's representative of an ongoing pattern or theme that wasn't great" (say, loneliness at school or something, and you pick a specific lunchtime memory, which wasn't really That Bad in the moment, but you were kinda sad and/or upset about it and it feels representative of the overall trend you're trying to process/heal). Or you can try just doing the EMDR process on the theme itself, at the abstract level, and see what comes up--again, I'd really recommend starting with a much lower-stakes issue/theme than you think you need, just because it's really easy to underestimate, especially for systems and other folks whose brains dissociate a lot. (And especially if you know your system has episodic amnesia--e.g. event-amnesia/blackout amnesia--as well as emotional amnesia.)

The second is, there are other "more flexible" types of similar somatic therapy techniques (brainspotting is the name of another one, and there's more I can't think of rn) that might fit better instead-- tldr, totally worth asking your therapist about the whole situation, and asking what they'd feel most qualified for/comfortable with, in my opinion. You don't need to be doing Specifically Exactly EMDR to do somatic trauma therapy, even though EMDR is one of the more well-known modalities for it, and finding a version that feels right and not like you're forcing anything is really valuable (and you're not 'being picky' if it takes a while to find one; you're allowed to want to find one that feels right).

[violetasteracademic]

I am going to say something for my Elriels that I hope can be absorbed with grace and compassion. I realize not everyone may agree, and I do not speak for all survivors. But I am speaking from the perspective of someone who has received over 19 years of intensive therapy (yes, I started at 14. Feel free to calculate my age) as well as EMDR to treat complex PTSD. I hope you can hear this and take it to heart, and understand that *both sides* are contributing to some of us considering whether or not we should permanently leave this fandom to protect ourselves. If your interest is protecting survivors, I hope you will hear this with nothing but love and care in my heart and wanting this to be a better place for everyone and feel open to what I would like to say.

If you are taking this opportunity to re-blog and make a public spectacle of how badly the other side is behaving- you are not protecting survivors. Limiting exposure is a critical tool for those with PTSD. Stepping away from areas where we cannot prevent exposure to traumatic or triggering environments does not make us weak. It makes us strong. It makes us capable of making hard decisions and reflecting inward, and walking away from things that cause harm even when our inner child wants to feel drawn towards it and resolve it. These are not easy decisions. Right now, I want to stay away because of how everyone is acting, not just those on certain sides. The exposure to triggers is frankly beyond anything I could have ever imagined happening joining this fandom.

The spectacle is harmful for those that you are trying to protect. I beg you to consider this in the coming days as you decide what type of contributions you want to make to the Elriel community. At this point, I have so many people blocked, but it doesn't matter. I am still being exposed to how traumatizing this fandom is because the Elriel community will not stop. I promise you, starving harassers of the attention they so desperately want is the only thing that will have any meaningful impact to improve the environment. You are never going to understand each other or see things the same way. Please consider if re-blogging harmful takes just to prove a point is an act of protection, or an act of judgement and escalation.

If you are taking this opportunity to engage in a war of morality, and decide that the *other side* has behaved badly enough that they finally *deserve* to be harassed or insulted, you are not protecting survivors. I know it sucks. I know it's unfair. I know the high road is comprised of more steps. But the reality is, there are people with completely different moral codes opposing each other here. You will never be able to show another person why their deeply held beliefs are wrong. Some felt that protecting DV victims was a violation of their personal rights. We all understand how wrong that is. But instead of trying to turn this into a battle of whose behavior is worse, and who deserves what treatment, the best way to protect survivors is to say: I'm so sorry this is happening. I know how triggering this must be. Let me focus on making this a safe space for you. Invoking verbal abuse or escalating an aggressive conflict in our name does not help us. It only makes this space more unsafe. The simple act of, "I said this to you and I treated you badly because you acted badly first" is in of itself triggering behavior. If you look for reasons to treat someone you don't like or respect poorly, you will surely find them.

Please know that my only goal here is safety for all. It can be difficult to make everyone feel comfortable. I have long since realized that fandom life may not be for me, and have repeatedly left group chats, tiktok, and Instagram because I personally hate watching women rip each other to shreds every day when these books were a place of respite for me. So maybe I'm in the wrong. Maybe I don't *get* fandom culture, and if that's the case, I can gracefully step away or set new boundaries with myself about what I contribute and how involved I am regularly. No one is required to change their behavior because of me, or because of anyone. We are only in charge of ourselves. But this felt worth saying.

I truly hope that the goal of fostering a community that feels good to be a part of, even if it comes at the sacrifice of "fighting back," because no one is actually winning at anything here, is something that feels worthy of acknowledgment. I hope everyone can consider before typing, re-blogging, screenshotting, fighting, ect., pausing, reflecting and asking- does my behavior hurt or harm survivors? Am I making this space safer or more harmful for them? Is this a space I'd want to look at and make art for every day if I was trying to avoid landmines of watching how people treat each other? *If* protecting survivors and making things safer is your goal of course. That will not be the priority for everyone. But then please be honest with yourself about what you are trying to accomplish.

I always considered the Elriel space safe and joyful and a place largely not centered around bashing and negativity (though of course there are always exceptions, and I think venting is perfectly natural so long as it's not done with malicious intent to hurt others) but this situation made me realize that both sides are standing with loaded guns, just waiting for the opportunity for the other side to do something bad enough to trigger a war.

We are the collateral damage.

I hope that maybe this can move the Elriel community back in the direction of focusing on kindness, positivity, and excitement. If that is not the case, I hear you. Perhaps I'm the one that doesn't fit, and that's okay. But it felt worth trying.