#elvis just had a way of making such deep connections it’s crazy

[doll-elvis]

I rewatched the memphis mafia documentary and it reminded me of an edit I made for them a while ago

Red West is narrating and I think he just says everything perfectly…I can’t imagine how special it must have been to have shared a lifetime with Elvis Presley. I sincerely hope, if there is a way, that they are all together again <3

[elvispresleywife]

Oh my love, my darling....(46 years ago on this very day)

My dear, darling, Elvis. Oh where to begin, your the light of my life, the love of my heart and soul. There will never be another. You will have been gone 46 years today. I can't explain the utter sadness and pain I feel at this. I'm no poet, and I don't intend to make this beautiful or poetic, this is just my thoughts and feelings so you know how I feel.

Elvis, my darling I have loved you for so long now, it feels like I've known you forever, I know I will never get that chance to love you, to be with you, to laugh with you and share the moments both good and bad with you. But not a day goes by where I don't think of you. Your Always on my Mind. Honey I miss you so much, some people think I'm weird, other's think it's sad and pathetic that I love a man this much. I can't help the way I feel when it comes to you.

You have helped me through more than you know, you make me feel alive and safe. Your the only singer in my lifetime I've listened to interviews and watched movies/TV specials, of when I feel like I need someone. Someone who will give me extra comfort (Except Jesus). You give me confidence to be who I want to be, and baby let me tell you I miss you with all my heart.

I know we never met but in another time period I'm sure we have. I'm sure we were together, which is why I feel so strongly about you now. I just know we would have gotten along well. We are both deep thinkers, have an odd sense of humor, but always put other's first, we have an undeniable faith in Jesus which I believe we could connect on, on so many levels. I believe we would have been so well suited.

I feel I know you so well, like I know your likes and dislikes, I know how you work, how your brain works. Your thought processes and your trigger points. Elvis we've both been through so much in life, and it hasn't always treated us the kindest but....for me considering you never knew I existed, I find that you help to fill something inside of me I didn't know was there. You've helped me to discover a part of me I didn't realize was there.

Anyone who knows me well enough knows only a bit of the love I have for you. They don't know the thoughts I have, or the fact that some nights I ball my eyes out over you. How I miss you and never knew you, how I wish I did. How much I love you with all my heart. The way you make me feel is unlike no other. I am officially ruined for any other man that may come into my life.

I have dreaded this day for a long time now, last year was hard but since I have come to know you more intimately this year through what I'm sure would have taken other people decades to find out, my heart aches for you. I want you, I need you, I love you baby. More than any words could ever have the capacity to express. I want to be there for you, to help you, to hold you when you cry, to love you, to laugh with you at all your silly little jokes (including the inappropriate ones), to be that listening ear, to give you the pearls of wisdom you ask for or simply just to be there while you rant and yell.

I've often wandered what would/could have happened had I lived in that time and gotten to know you, whether that be as a friend or a significant other. Would I have made a change to the life you ended up having? I know others tried to help you but....I don't want this to sound selfish at all because that's not my intention but...could I have been the one to persuade you that drugs weren't the way to go? We'll never know.

I genuinely feel I know you so well no matter how crazy and psychotic that may sound. My darling Elvis you mean so much to me and no one will ever be able to understand that. No one. You just mean the world to me. I blame the Colonel for a lot of things when it comes to you, but it's not about that. Today is about celebrating your memory, your generosity, but above all your dedication and willingness to give your all to your fans every single time.

You loved your fans like they were your family, one time a guy came and pulled your jacket off you while you were walking down the street and you just turned around unfazed and yelled "You can have that, you put it on my back!" that's just the kind of person you were. Generous beyond measure.

You had your flaws but you were human. Everyone does. Everyone sins, and no one is perfect. I love you my darling and while I could go on forever and ever about how much you mean to me, and the way you make me feel I better stop here because I don't want to put anyone including you to sleep so, one last time...

My darling I love you so much, you mean everything to me, and I'm so grateful and thankful to have you apart of my life. Even if I have to imagine what you'd say to me when I'm ranting about something to you, or when I'm excited talking to your pictures on my walls or crying in the books I have about you, or even as simple as listening to your records especially the later ones and crying. The early ones I smile and feel happy and excited, 60s make me happy and sad because I know how unhappy you were in most of them, early 70s-75 you seemed happier and then the later years hit.

Now I'm not saying it was bad at all, because your voice never failed you. I love the story about the fact that on your last concert on June 26th 1977 you prayed to God asking him to give you the performance of a life time, and to feed his power through you, and guess what baby...it did. Even 46 years later it is considered as one of your best performances ever. You did it baby! You went through a lot in life with love, pills, grief, but baby you stayed strong throughout it all...God just realized how tired you were and brought you up to him so you could receive the peace and rest you so desperately needed. He saw your pain, your unhappiness, the weight of the world on your shoulders and he knew it was time for you to rest.

So baby I'll stop rambling but I can't wait to see you in Heaven, to meet you, to dance with you, to talk to you, to have a good time in general. Know you always have my love. Forever and Always.

I love you baby with all my heart. Always have always will.

Thankyou....just for being you. Your light will never dim.

TCB baby...."TCB in a flash"

Love you baby.

Yours forever,

Your darling.

[darter-blue]

Because @the1918 asked for more, and I am a good girl and do as I'm told...

Bucky couldn’t quite believe that the beautiful man at the bar had been watching him.

Had been tracking Bucky through the traffic of the dance floor.

Had said yes to dance with Bucky.

Had listened to him, nodded along as Bucky spoke nonsense. Nonsense that any reasonable person would have shaken their head at.

But this man, this Steve-Steve Rogers - Bucky chuckles happily at his own joke - is now looking at Bucky as if Bucky is making total sense and says he feels the same.

The same.

As if he too can feel this strange familiarity. This connection.

Maybe it’s not nonsense. Maybe, despite the too many daiquiris Darcy had bought him (and then run off towards the cute girl with the suspenders) and the irresponsible lack of food he’d eaten at all today, maybe this feeling is real.

Maybe this concrete sense of home is not just in his head.

‘Do you believe in soul mates?’ Bucky asks. Because apparently these daiquiris have annexed Bucky’s brain to mouth filter.

Steve pulls back from where he’s resting his forehead against Bucky’s. Which is a terrible shame.

He opens his mouth to say something and Bucky rushes to cut him off -

‘No, no, don’t answer that,’ Bucky whispers on a breath.

‘Dont?’ Steve asks.

‘Don’t,’ Bucky affirms, leaning back a little more into Steve’s impossibly wide, impossibly steady, rock hard chest. ‘I do, I think, but I don’t want to know if you don’t. Let me pretend for a little bit longer.’

‘I don’t know if I know enough about the theory,’ Steve says, and when Bucky looks up into his eyes they are shining with mirth, ‘why don’t you give me some background, then I can make an informed decision.’

‘Oh, you’re a cheeky one,’ Bucky says without much thought, lifting his finger up lazily to poke it into Steve’s adorable chin. ‘I like you.’

‘Oh yeah?’ Steve laughs quietly, but still deep and rich, his voice like molasses, ‘I like you too, Bucky.’

Bucky smiles and then lowers his hand again to hold Steve’s against his waist, letting Steve’s warmth seep through his shirt and into his skin.

‘Okay, imagine this,’ he says, keeping his words clear, rounded - sounding deceptively sober, ‘Imagine that there are people in the world, not in a mystical or spiritual way or whatever, but just… with similar ideals, and they see something in their mannerisms, something in the way they hold themselves, see something in each other that they recognise… and they just… trust that feeling.’ Bucky threads his fingers through Steve’s.

Steve squeezes his fingers in response,

‘People have to be compatible, without that… I mean, sometimes you can spend years with a person trying to make them fit,’ Bucky shakes his head against sad memories, ‘but they never do. And then suddenly you meet someone and feel more in five minutes than you ever felt before.’

He doesn’t want to look back, in case Steve has changed his mind about him, has realised that Bucky is just a hopeless romantic. Emphasis on the hopeless.

But Steve surprises him, ‘It’s a good theory,’ he says, ‘I guess we would have to test it.’

‘Test it?’ Bucky asks, and does look back at Steve then.

Steve is looking down at him, unmistakable fondness in his expression. ‘Yeah, we’d need to test it to know for sure.’ And Bucky is struck anew by how beautiful he is. Long dark lashes framing perfectly blue eyes, no, not perfect. A little green in one, Bucky can see, as the shifting lights above them land just so. His bone structure is like something sculptured out of marble.

‘Are you… you don’t think I’m ridiculous?’

Steve’s brow furrows, ‘Far from,’ he says, voice sharper, ‘I think you’re wonderful.’

And Bucky’s chest swells at that praise. His heart beats faster, blood rushing into his cheeks.

He opens his mouth to... He doesn’t even know. Dispute it? Thank him? Ask Steve why? How he could possibly think that, when Bucky is a disaster. A disaster with the sum total of two hundred and thirty dollars in his checking account, a job he loves that will never be valued, a best friend who ditched him at the first chance to get laid, and the cheapest twin room in this fancy Vegas Casino that he and Darcy could afford.

‘Nobody’s ever called me wonderful before,’ he stammers out finally.

Steve’s eyebrows raise high and his eyes widen, ‘How is that possible?’ Steve asks, genuinely surprised.

Bucky shrugs, ‘I guess I never met anybody like you before.’

‘Well maybe that proves your theory,’ Steve says.

And Bucky has to swallow. Has to blink his eyes and breathe for a moment. Because, even if Steve is only half serious, this is such uncharted territory for Bucky he needs to pinch himself.

Even if Steve is only half serious, this is the closest to a perfect moment that Bucky has ever experienced.

Bucky is ready to agree, ready to leap into Steve’s arms and take a chance, when someone steps back - straight onto Bucky’s foot - and brings their surroundings back into focus. Between the noise and the press of bodies, the pain in his foot and the stuffy atmosphere, the moment is ruined.

Steve pulls Bucky backwards and looks menacingly at the guy who stepped on him and has turned around to apologise. The guy takes a step back from Steve, throwing his hands up in surrender and backs away.

‘I’m fine, I’m fine.’ Bucky says with a laugh. Steve’s menacing face is still absurdly appealing, and disappears entirely as soon as he turns back to Bucky. Maybe he needs to get them out of here and away from all this distraction. ‘But umm… maybe we could go somewhere and get a drink? Somewhere a bit more quiet?’

God, that sounds like the dumbest line.

Except that Steve is smiling again. Like sunshine. Like perfection.

‘I’d like that,’ he says, keeping hold of Bucky’s hand as Bucky reluctantly peels himself away from the warmth of Steve’s body. ‘Do you have somewhere in mind?’

And Bucky is feeling so reckless, he’s feeling like he’s riding the craziest wave. He wants to clutch at this moment so that it doesn’t slip through his fingers.

(He might have had too many cocktails, but even drunk Bucky can see that this is the kind of moment that happens once in a lifetime. This is the kind of man that you make grand gestures for, that you don’t take for granted).

‘Actually I have kind of a crazy idea,’ he says, pulling at Steve’s hand, gesturing for him to follow as he backs up towards the edge of the dancefloor, ‘it might be a way we can really test this theory.’

And the way Steve licks his lips, the way Steve looks down at him, like Bucky is something amazing… it just cements this crazy feeling. And he laughs at the idea, at the memory of Darcy joking that they should drink too much and get Elvis to walk him down the aisle to her. How they could get married in Vegas and have the stupidest story to tell their friends when they got back…

Only it doesn’t feel like a joke now. Looking back at a smiling Steve over his shoulder as he follows Bucky, lets him pull him through the people, through the crowd, towards the exits, towards the hotel chapel…

It feels like the best decision he’s ever made.

[tylerfm]

welcome aboard, tyler golightly, student #10. we are excited to set sail with you !  has anyone told you that you look like charlie gillespie? according to our records, you hail from edinburgh, scotland, prefer he/they, are non-binary (demi-boy), and are here to study communications. we also see you received a spot on the ss university because of your money — we won’t tell anyone. during your first few weeks here, other students said you were + confident, + ambitious, but also - selfish. it sounds like you spend most of your time at the basketball court. upon checking your luggage, we noticed you packed a soccer ball covered in sharpie drawings. hopefully your roommates don’t steal it!

hello again, little loves! maeby (24, she/her, pst, also play duckie) here with student #10, my second character and cutest lil himbo/thembo, tyler! ♡ tldr; scottish kid with a silver spoon starts anew and tries to make up for their reputation back home but also just wants to party. or: enby footballer actually just wants to play music, keeps it on the dl. i’m so stoked to plot with everyone, like this post and i’ll come to you or hmu if you’re down!

stats

given name: tyler thomas golightly nicknames: ty, tie-dye, golightly (mostly by coaches and jocks) birthday & zodiac: december 12th, 1997 & sagittarius ♐︎  orientation: pansexual, non-binary (demi-boy) hometown: edinburgh, scotland hobbies: the beautiful game, collecting vinyls, playing basketball, restoring their grandfather’s motorcycle, photography, playing piano, songwriting, eating everything, trying to learn french favorites: sunday roast, david bowie, celtic fc, claude debussy, toronto raptors, white nail polish, nachos, nando’s, stella artois, elvis presley

biography

tw: parental death, depression, drug and alcohol abuse

from the moment they were born, tyler and his siblings had their entire lives lined out for them. their father came from a family with very old money that now owned a number of lavish, upscale hotels and expected only the best from their lineage. their mother was a classically trained pianist who had toured the world as a teenage prodigy and had all the best intentions as a mother. still, to tyler, every step of the way felt like ticking off a checklist with ‘pompous ass’ listed as the end goal. top boarding schools were supposed to lead to cambridge or oxford and then prolific careers as surgeons, lawyers, members of parliament, or business moguls. tyler’s siblings all seemed to fit the bill with ease and for a while, so did tyler, until he was old enough to show any kind of personality.

(tw: parental death) growing up, ty was a goofy, naïve kid who spent all day playing music with their mother and singing at the piano with her. sitting on that piano bench was tyler’s only real escape from the elitist world they didn’t really fit into. none of their siblings had taken a real interest in of their mother’s passions, but tyler was at her side every moment they were able. rather than one of the pre-selected career paths his father insisted on, tyler grew up wanting to follow in his mother’s footsteps and be a musician. his father taught him very early on that music was not an option. it was when he shipped off for boarding school that things really escalated. by the time he was sixteen, he had been through five boarding schools. and just when they thought things couldn’t possibly get worse, the unthinkable happened and their mother died suddenly from a brain aneurism.

(tw: depression) the day they lost ty’s mother, his life fell to pieces. he fell into a deep depression and quit everything that reminded him of his mother, especially music. the only thing that fell through the cracks was football (soccer to some), which their father had always loved, so they had always hated. tyler had always been athletic but reluctant when it came to sports, but when their father put them into football this time around, they ran with a newfound rage and abandon. when his father remarried a woman half his age less than a year after becoming a widower, that increased tenfold. he threw everything into playing and training, and stopped trying to process his mother’s passing. they were noticed by a club recruiter only a couple of years later and played on a second tier team with talks of being recruited to the premier league until a few months ago, when they absolutely lost control.

(tw: drug and alcohol abuse) nothing in tyler’s life worked. their relationships with their brothers and father were positively abysmal. he’d always bonded with his only sister for being the odd ducks out, even if she’d always fit in better than him, but even she wasn’t speaking to him if she didn’t have to. they were in the closet about their sexuality and gender identity to everyone but their sister, and it was starting to eat them alive. it had been several years since the death of his mother, but tyler had succeeded in filling every moment of those years with either football or drugs & alcohol to avoid processing it (or anything else). now, the pressure was high and they felt the whole world of football watching them. eventually, they cracked. he quit his football team in a horrible screaming match with the team manager that went viral online and in a single moment, it looked like his career was over before it began.

rather than face the problems that had caused their breakdown, ty holed themself up in their family home for months, only leaving when his father threatened to cut him off if he didn’t go out and do something. in this state, his sister didn’t think they would make it on their own. it was during this time that his sister pushed them into a therapist’s office once a week and personally oversaw their recovery. not long after, his sister showed him an advert for the ss university and went behind their father’s back to pay for it. mere weeks later, tyler golightly had their life packed into suitcases and the ss university was setting sail. he left his sister with the promise that he would watch how he partied and that more than anything, he would use the experience to start over with a clean slate. now all that’s left is to do it.

wanted connects

–  rich kids club: tyler was once told by their father that their family had more money than god and they’ve never forgotten that. if your char was also born with a silver spoon, they may know each other already or just bond over their shared experiences! tyler hates their father and that side of their family, so they’re not always the biggest fan of other wealthy people.

–  clandestine music friends: tyler’s mother was an esteemed classical pianist and taught ty to play the piano very early on. for a long time, tyler thought they would follow in her footsteps and become a pianist as well. when she passed away, he gave up music ‘for good’. however, ever since they’ve been on the ship, they’ve been secretly picking up playing the piano again! someone is bound to have walked in on them and is now keeping their secret.

–  missed connection: ty thinks he falls in love every other minute, but if he doesn’t go for it, he usually just forgets them and moves on to the next gorgeous smile or melodic laughter. this person has been on their mind since the day they laid eyes on each other but didn’t actually get to meet. whether it was in the hall, while they were drunk at the sand bar, or even out in one of their excursions, something about them has ty going crazy.

–  exes: ty may think they fall in love more often than a character in a rom-com, but the truth of the matter is that they never really commit to a relationship long enough to get past infatuation. there may be one person they’ve been seriously in love with, but the rest were flings for a season, friends with benefits, or one night stands; short-term. not much has changed now that they’re on the ship, but with the entire cruise/schoolyear ahead of them, who’s to say it won’t?

–  party friends! one night stands! people they met while travelling for football matches! folks from boarding school! family friends! any other connections you’re feeling!

[justthehiddleswrites]

Destiny Has Other Plans | Loki x OFC (Alexis Randall) | Chapter 3

Pairing: Loki x OFC

MASTERLIST IS HERE

Summary: When Loki goes to ask his father for permission to marry, he is shocked to discover his destiny has already been made for him.  He is already betrothed to Sjofn, the daughter of the King of Vanaheim.  An arranged marriage to bring the two kingdoms closer together and strengthen the bond.  Never mind that Sjofn and Loki can’t stand each other.  

After The Battle of New York, Loki is sent to live at Avengers Tower as punishment for his misdeeds.  But it doesn’t mean he has to like it.   A year later, he has adjusted to life on Midgard but has avoided any romantic or emotional entanglements, still bitter over his lost love.  Dr. Alexis Randall is skilled at helping others fix their relationships as a couple therapist, but can’t help her own love life.  A chance encounter with Loki in a dive bar has life altering consequences for both of them.  Now, Alexis and Loki must figure out a way to co-habit without killing each other in the process, plus navigating impending parenthood and other roadblocks along the way.

This Chapter:   Now that Alexis is definitely pregnant, Loki insists that she stays with him in the Tower. And the Avengers find out about the whole thing. Loki and Alexis must now navigate a most unusual relationship.

Warnings: Arranged Marriage, Forced Marriage, Pregnancy, Unplanned Pregnancy, Smut, Angst,  Semi-Public Sex, Mentions of law enforcement, Oral Sex, Cursing, Vaginal Sex

Taglists are Open, please let me know if you wish to be added.

-

“No fucking way!” Alexis screamed at the top of her lungs as the two of them made their way back to Loki’s quarters.

“Can you keep your voice down, please?” Loki hissed as he did a poor job of ushering her towards his quarters.

She sidestepped Loki’s arm. “WHY!? Are you embarrassed for your friends to see me?”

Loki’s eyes darted around the room to see if any of the Avengers come out of the woodwork. So far nothing, but that wouldn’t last long if Alexis kept it up.

“That’s not it. Now if you follow me to my room, we can discuss this like calm and rational adults.” Loki tugged on her arm, but she pulled away.

“But I’m not calm and rational, am I? I’m a hysterical pregnant woman you want to lock away like your crazy uncle who thinks he can talk to Elvis through his toaster!!”

Doors opened as the sound of the two of them reached down the corridor. Tony appeared first, slipping off to side, soon joined by Steve and then Bruce.

“What the hell—” Steve started.

“—lover’s spat. Saw her with Horny earlier today.” Tony sipped from his coffee mug.

“Did I hear that she’s pregnant? How does that even—” Bruce asked.

“YES YOU HEARD RIGHT!” Alexis stomped towards the three men. “Is there a fucking problem here? I thought the Avengers had better things to do than stare mouths open like wide mouthed bass at a pregnant woman having a mental breakdown?”

Loki had never seen those three men move faster than they did in that moment, not even when being chased by HYDRA agents. Had he not been fearful for his own well-being, Loki would have been impressed by the short order in which Alexis handled them.

“Good luck, man.” Steve clapped his shoulder as he hustled out of sight.

Satisfied, Alexis stomped off to collect her things from Loki’s apartment.

Loki rubbed his temples. “What have I got myself into?”

“It would seem you have got that young woman pregnant with your offspring. But how you anger her so is a mystery. Not that I blame her, you seem to bring the rage out in others, Brother.” Thor sat up from where he was lying on the couch, eating Pop-Tarts, unfazed by the outburst earlier.

“Have you been there the entire time and said nothing?”

“Yes.” Thor bit into the manufactured pastry, crumbs and frosting catching in his facial hair. “Why would I make my presence known and incur the wrath of Lady… what is her name?”

“Alexis.”

“Lady Alexis. So what exactly did you do to receive such a tongue lashing?” Thor smiled smugly at his brother.

Loki took a deep breath. “I suggested she stay here with me for the duration of her pregnancy.” Loki squared his shoulders. “For her own protection.”

“Suggested or demanded?” Loki threw a withering gaze at his brother. “Well, that explains it. You’re lucky to still have your head.”

Loki fisted his hands. “Do you not realize that enemies of the throne would love to get their hands on Odin’s only grandchild? She needs protection.”

Thor finished up his snack and rose to join his brother. “On the contrary, I realize all too well the threats that hang over both our heads and those we hold dear. But strong-arming her is not the answer.”

“Then what do you suggest?” He overheard a door slamming in distance.

Thor held up his hands. “Let me speak to her.”

Alexis stormed into the room, stopping in front of them. “Don’t stop me from leaving.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it, Lady Alexis.” Thor stepped in front of Loki, who rolled his eyes.

“My brother, Thor.”

“Pleasure.” She extended her hand. “Dr. Alexis Randall, would be prisoner.” She threw daggers at Loki.

“A doctor?” Thor glanced over his shoulder. “Loki, you never mentioned the mother of your child was a doctor.”

“She never told me.” Loki muttered.

“You never asked!” Alexis responded, lunging at Loki, who ducked back behind Thor. “You’ve been too busy either accusing me of lying or trying to lock me away.”

“My brother is only concerned for your safety, as am I.”

Alexis rolled her eyes. “There are enemies who would seek to do me harm, blah, blah, blah.”

“I’m afraid that in this instance my brother does not exaggerate, and as you carry Odin’s only grandchild, you would be a valuable bargaining chip to any enemy of the throne. Not to mention whatever other enemies Loki has picked up along the way.”

“He was serious?” Alexis leaned against the back of the sofa. She assumed Loki was lying to trick her into staying.

Loki leaned beside her, arms crossed. “I don’t wish to disrupt your life, but it the only way I can assure your safety.” He took her hand and squeezed. A slight gesture of sympathy. “Please stay. If anything were to happen to you or this child…”

Alexis sighed and squeezed Loki’s hand back. “I guess I could stay.” Loki beamed. “On a trial basis.” Even as she said the words, she knew there was no trial basis. But lying to herself comforted her.

Loki nodded. “Absolutely.”

Alexis pointed a finger in Loki’s face. “And be nice. And don’t be one of those overbearing fathers to be. I am not some porcelain doll.”

Loki held up three fingers. “Scout’s honor.”

Alexis cocked her head. “Do they even have scouts on Asgard?”

-

Tony insisted on moving them to another apartment on the same floor, but tucked away from the rest of the team.

“Away from prying eyes.” He commented when Loki informed him of the new living arrangements.

The new apartment had two master suites with a door connecting them. “I get the impression the two of you might need some space. And if not, nursery!” Tony threw his hands up and grinned.

“Thank you, Mr. Stark. For everything.”

Tony waved her off. “It was nothing. Anything for this horny little devil. And call me Tony, you’re basically family now.” He gestured at Loki, who scowled in return.

“Now to get used to the commute to my office.” she commented more to herself than anything.

“There is no way you are traveling across town five days a week.” Loki scoffed.

“But my clients…” she protested.

“… can travel here.” Tony interjected. With a few phone calls, Tony arranged for her entire practice to move into one of the offices in the Tower and never even left the room. Alexis handed over the keys reluctantly to both her apartment and office to Tony. He said the movers would be here with boxes from both places by the afternoon.

“Looks like you met your match, Trickster.” Tony whispered once Alexis left the room.

“What does that mean?” Loki scowled at Tony.

“I’m just saying I sense a bit of a connection between the two of you.” Tony wiggled his shoulders back and forth.

“You’re mistaken, Stark. Our only connection is the fact she is carrying my child. Anything else is the machinations of your overactive imagination.”

Tony shrugged. “Suit yourself.” Alexis stepped back in the room. “Alexis, it was lovely to meet you and I will have someone call when your stuff arrives.”

“Thank you, Mr... uh Tony.”

Tony threw a knowing glance at Loki before leaving the two of them alone.

“What is that you even do?” Loki asked, crossing the room to settle into one of the leather club chairs he had brought over from his place down the hall.

“I’m a couple’s therapist.”

“Ironic.”

“How is that?” Her voice grew more tight.

“You help others to salvage their relationships, yet you can’t manage to keep on of your own.”

“You and I are not in a relationship.”

Loki chuckled as Alexis sighed and flopped onto the couch.

“I was speaking about whatever mouth-breather you broke up with that night in the Whiskey Front Room. Come to think of it, it is his fault we are in this predicament.”

“The mouth-breather’s name is Eric, and he broke up with me.”

“Even worse.”

Alexis stared around the empty apartment. “So this is my cell for the next nine months. There are worse places to be trapped.” Her voice sad. The tears brimming in her eyes.

Loki fiddled with his bracelet. A constant reminder of his past misdeeds. A debt he could never repay. “I felt much how you did when I first arrived. My brother advised me to make the best of things. If I thought it would bring you comfort, I would do the same.”

Alexis chuckled as tears fell. “It wouldn’t.” Her finger flicked his bracelet. “What’s that?”

“A tracking device. My prison cell. I’m not here voluntarily. After my failed attempt to gain power and overthrow my father, he sent me here. To repay my debts.” He sneered.

“I’m sorry.” She stood and walked over to grab his hand and squeeze.

Loki moved to leave. “It is a prison of my own making. I expect you have people you need to contact about your move. I will leave you to it.”

“Not really. My parents died when I was little in a car crash. My aunt raised me. She lives in Florida now. Hannah is my only friend. I struggle with relationships.”

“Says the couple therapist.”

“It is like you said. I can help others, just not myself.”

Loki rose and extended his hand. “Then help me find some lunch.”

Alexis smiled and took his hand.

-

When the boxes arrived from Alexis’s apartment, Loki refused to allow her to help, ushering her to a chair.

“What did I say about being overbearing?”

Loki stopped mid-lift. “Not to be.”

“And what are you doing?” Alexis tapped her foot.

“Being helpful?” He smiled hopefully.

She grabbed the box and tugged. Loki held tight. “Things will go much smoother if you don’t treat me as though I will break in a strong breeze. I got along just fine before you and I will after you’re gone.”

Loki would have dropped the box had Alexis not been holding it.

“Am I going somewhere?”

Her lips curled in a slight smile as she pulled books out of the box and placed them on the bookshelf in her new bedroom.

“Loki, come on, who are we kidding? This is no love match. We bicker as it is. Adding a child to the mix will not make that better. Probably make it worse. I see it all the time, having a child to save a relationship.”

“It is my child and I will do everything in my power to make sure it and its mother are cared for and protected.”

“Which does not require us to be in a relationship. Or even living together, technically.” she mused. Loki opened his mouth to protest. Alexis sighed. “I am more than willing to stay during this pregnancy if it eases your mind, but I do not expect you to change your life for me. And I would hope you grant me the same courtesy.” She turned her back to finish unpacking the box. Loki’s hands lighted on her shoulders, timid.

“If that is what you wish.”

“Thank you, Loki.” She twisted to smile at him. “Now I am famished and the kitchen is empty. I am going to grab a snack.”

“We just ate lunch.”

Alexis rubbed her stomach. “Blame him. Or her. Think you can unpack these boxes without me?”

“I believe I can manage. Will you bring some food for me as well?”

“Sweet or savory?” She asked, heading for the door.

“Sweet. Pop-Tarts and chocolate of some sort.”

“I’ll see what I can do.”

Loki turned his attention to the boxes.

-

Alexis rummaged through the pantry when Natasha snuck up behind her. The perks of being an assassin.

“If you are looking for Pop-Tarts, they are on the third shelf on the left, behind the granola.” Nat commented, leaning against the counter.

Alexis reached up and pushed the canister away to reveal several boxes. “Jackpot!” Alexis cleaned out the pantry of Pop-Tarts, grabbing a bag from one cabinet to hold everything. She added a couple of chocolate bars, a jar of creamy peanut butter, and then some chips and cookies for good measure.

“No problem. My name’s Natasha.”

“Alexis Randall.”

Nat smirked. “So you’re Loki’s girl.”

Alexis dropped the bag onto the counter. “I’m not… Is that what people are calling me?” She reached over Natasha to grab a few apples to add to the bag.

“What would you prefer we call you?”

“Alexis. What should I call you? Natasha? Nat? Black Widow?” Alexis rummaged through the fridge for a few Diet Cokes, tossing them into the bag.

“Nat.” Alexis went for the bag, but Nat got to it first.

“I’m capable of carrying my own bag.”

“I know you are. It’s an excuse to keep talking to you.” She glanced around the room suspiciously with narrow eyes. “I don’t know if you realized, but this place is testosterone city. Another woman on the floor is a breath of fresh air.”

The two women giggled while they walked down the hallway. A loud metallic thud echoed above.

“What the hell was that?”

Nat laughed. “Barton. Clint. He prefers the vents. But don’t worry, he sticks to the common areas. Says he thinks better up high.”

Alexis swallowed hard and nodded. Eyes darted up to the ceiling as she started walking again.

“Any morning sickness?”

“Not yet. But I am getting some cravings.”

Nat shook the bag. “I can feel. Is there anything left for the rest of us?”

“Some of it is for Loki.”

“The ultimate sweet tooth.” Nat nudged her shoulder. “Hide your candy stash from that one.”

Alexis chuckled nervously, tucking her hair behind her ears. “Good to know.”

“So how did you exactly meet? I haven’t seen you at any of Tony’s parties.”

Alexis flushed. How to explain all of this is a one-night stand, not even that, a fuck in a bathroom, gone horribly awry?

“Well, it’s an interesting story…” They reached the door, and she grabbed the bag from Nat. “… for another time. Got to go, can’t leave Loki waiting, Bye!” She opened the door and slammed it in Nat’s face, Alexis leaned against the door still holding the bag.

Loki peeked around the corner, holding a pair of high heels.

“Should I keep these in their boxes or—” Loki dropped the shoes and rushed to Alexis’s side when he spied her panting. “Are you hurt? Who did this to you?” Loki clenched his fist.

“I’m fine. I’m fine. Stand down, Tiger.” Alexis held out a hand as she moved to the kitchen. “It was just Natasha.”

Loki frowned. “What did she do?”

Alexis sighed. “She didn’t do anything. She asked how we met.”

His expression softened. “What did you tell her?”

“I didn’t. I ran like hell.”

“Why?”

“Because I didn’t think the truth sounded great, and I panicked. What would you have me say? I was depressed at getting dumped, so I let a stranger fuck me in a bathroom stall of a bar?”

“When you say it like that…” Loki commented before moving to help her unload the bag. “Perhaps we should agree upon a plausible story?”

“I would appreciate that.” Alexis fished out a box of Pop-Tarts and threw them at Loki. “Think fast.”

Loki caught the box mid-air and placed it on the counter.

“You said you wanted Pop-Tarts.”

“I can’t stand the things, processed pastry? Why, when fresh baked is better?” Loki wrinkled his nose, rooting around in the bag and extracting a large chocolate bar.

“Then, wh—”

“They are Thor’s favorite. I hope you grabbed all the boxes.”

“You lied to me! I trusted you!”

Loki popped a cookie into his mouth and grinned. “Your first mistake.” And he walked away.

-

The rest of the Avengers grew accustomed to Alexis and Loki arguing with each other about anything and everything. Tony only added fuel to the fire by providing Loki a copy of What To Expect When You Are Expecting. Anonymously, Tony didn’t have a death wish. Loki took the book less as an informational book, more of aspirational goals, much to Alexis’s chagrin.

“You can have my bodega deli sandwich, Loki, or my Diet Coke, but you can’t have both!” Alexis screamed as they passed through the common area one evening.

“But the book says…” Loki grabbed his already dog-eared book from a pocket dimension. Alexis snatched the book and hurled it across the room, narrowly missing Clint’s head.

“I am fucking sick of that goddamn book! If I find out who gave that to you…” She shot daggers at everyone in the room. “… they will pay.”

“I want the best for my… our child.”

Alexis narrowed her eyes at Loki. Steve, who had been moving to intercede, stopped in his tracks and backed away. “Then I would think you want the mother of your child to be happy! Do I look happy, Loki?”

Loki raked his eyes up and down Alexis’s body. “Decidedly not. If anything, I would say you look a little bloated. The book—”

Alexis lunged for Loki’s throat, only to be pulled back by Tony, who stepped between the two.

“Hey, hey, Killer.” He gestured to Alexis. “Don’t kill him now. I just had the carpets cleaned.” He whipped around to point at Loki. “And you… It’s not exactly Manners 101 that you never say that a pregnant woman looks anything other than glowing. Even I know that!” Tony spun around to grin at Alexis. “Have I mentioned you are glowing?” Alexis rolled her eyes through the tears.

Loki huffed and leaned around Tony to see Alexis, sniffling. “I am sorry. I will try harder to be more considerate of your feelings.”

Tony leaned in and whispered in Loki’s ear. “Invite her to dinner.”

“What?” he hissed. Tony elbowed him. “Will you accompany me to dinner tonight? As an apology.”

Alexis wiped her nose. “It would be a start.”

“Is that a yes?” Tony interjected.

“Yes.”

“Great. You two lovebirds head home to get ready and I will make all the arrangements!” He clapped the two of them on the shoulders and gave a shove towards the hallway.

Once they were out of earshot, Steve snapped at Tony.

“What the hell are you playing at, Tony?”

Tony gestured in the air. “A bit of matchmaking, nothing more.”

“What matchmaking? They hate each other.”

Tony scoffed. “No, they don’t. Pepper and I used to argue like that all the time and look at us now.”

“Still arguing like that all the time.” Natasha piped in.

“Et tu, Romanoff? Trust me guys, I’ve got everything under control.”

[loudsuitlover]

Doctor Harry XVI. La vereda de la puerta de atrás

A/N: Finally we know what happened to Harry! I’m excited for you guys to read this, let me know what you think :)

INDIE’S POV

I can barely make it to my room. It surprises me how many tears we can make without drying ourselves. I started crying the second I got away from Harry’s house and I cried all the way to my house in the taxi and still I’m not done.

I shouldn’t have done that. I don’t know why in the world I thought it would be okay if I just talked about that but the fact that Harry’s friend collaborated on the association and the way he said “it was their son, right?”

It wasn’t just their son. It was Dylan and Dylan was everything. Dylan made me play piano every day, Dylan would come over to my house just to see me for 5 minutes even if he lived 40 minutes away, Dylan showed me the best sunset I have yet seen. And Dylan was also a musician and he was a friend and, yes, he was a son, and a boyfriend and a grandson.

He was my first love and I swore he would be the last because there’s just no other way. He was half of me, it’s as simple as that. We were connected and we still are and we will always be because that’s just what it is when you find the one. I know most people don’t even find them, most people search their entire lives to find what I had with Dylan and still never find it so I should be thankful because it’s better to have loved and lost than to haven’t loved at all; but it’s just so hard…

I lie on my side on my bed and let the tears soak my pillow. I can’t push the memories away now. I opened the dam and now everything is coming out and choking me. I remember my Mum knocking on my bedroom door, the way she looked, I’ll always remember the way she looked. And my screams, tearing my throat up, and her small arms trying to hold me as I yelled and fought. I remember the sirens and then the hospital and Dylan’s mother’s face and how my hands trembled.

I don’t even know how in the midst of all the horror I’ve fallen asleep but the vibration of my phone against the mattress wakes me up. I bring it to my ear without checking the caller ID.

“Indie, thank God!” Harry’s loud voice pierces my ear.

“What is it?” My voice is hoarse after the sleep and the crying.

“What happened?” He asked. “The doorman told me you were crying. It’s the first time he tells me something like that.”

“Well it must have shocked him, I’m sure the rest of Med students that leave your apartment leave with a big smile and freshly fucked.” I regret my words as soon as I say them. “Sorry, that is none of my business.”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“Nothing.”

“What happened, Indie? Were you crying for something I said or didn’t say or-”

“No” I cut him off before he keeps messing up “it has nothing to do with you. It’s just… I cry every time I talk about him. I don’t like talking about what happened.”

Harry sighs.

“Yeah, I understand…” He doesn’t. “It’s the same for me…”

“What?”

“Listen, baby, I gotta go but… Uh… I’ll see you tomorrow night?”

Tomorrow night? He’s crazy.

“I can’t.” I lie.

“Tomorrow is Sunday, baby…”

“I have plans.”

He sighs.

“Indie, I-”

“It’s true.” I lie. “I’m not like you, I do have a life.”

“Wow.”

My eyes fill with tears again. I am a horrible person. I don’t even know why I said that to him but I can’t even speak now, my throat is completely closed. How could I throw that in his face after what he told me? I deserve all the bad things that could happen to me.

“Call me when you’re not mad anymore so we can talk.”

He hangs up. The distress hits me harder, it wraps around my chest and presses down and I feel like it’s going to collapse but I don’t even care if I stopped breathing.

Whenever I think of him, it’s like it’s happening all over again, like I never did all that progress, like I never went to therapy or like it’s the first time this is hitting me. But it’s not; and I know what I have to do. I can’t be alone or I would go down the same old dark road again and I don’t want that. I can’t endure that same old story.

Jason appears on my door not half an hour later. This reminds me so much of those months too but somehow instead of a trigger is comforting because he was there for me then and he’s here for me now and he’ll be here if I need him tomorrow and his hug always feels like the world can’t touch me if his arms are around me. I start crying again.

It's not as catastrophic as it was before but the quietness only makes it even harder. My heart is breaking all over again and now it’s doing it silently. Frustration is added to the pain because I don’t want to stay always stuck here. I want to move on and be able to talk about Dylan without wanting to die myself and instead here I am, on a cocoon on Jason’s arms as I silently cry on the couch.

I tilt my neck when I wake up for the third time today and find Jason with a deep frown and lips on a thin line. I look away from him and pout like a little girl. Of course he’s still mad at me. This doesn’t change what I said to him.

“How did he find out?” He asks instead. “Did you tell him?”

I nod and feel his hand on the low of my back as he shifts closer to me.

“A friend of his collaborates with Dylan’s organisation and… He asked about him.”

“Harry did?”

“No, his friend. Harry didn’t know anything until this morning…”

Jason hums. His hand keeps drawing figures on my back so I dare to look at him again.

“Are you still mad at me?” I whisper as if I was afraid he would hear me and then say yes.

His eyes bore into mine.

“Do you really want to talk about this now?”

“So yes.” I look ahead but from the corner of my eye I can still feel his eyes fixed on me. “You can leave if you want.”

“I also didn’t have to come if I didn’t want to.” He points out. “But I still came because I love you.” He sighs. “Listen, I wish you would keep your opinion about my relationship to yourself but I talked to Marie and I know where you’re coming from. I know you mean well, Indie, and that you’re just worried about me but I respect you and the only thing I ask is for you to do the same.”

Oh, God, I don’t want to cry again.

“You’re right, J. I’m a terrible person and I’m sorry. I never meant to hurt you or disrespect you. I love you so much.” The tears win the battle as they roll down my cheeks. “You’re… You’re still one of the few people that actually put up with me and… I know I’m… Not making it easy for anyone but” I sob “I really do need you all. I feel so alone, J.”

His muscled arms wrap around me as he pulls me to him.

“You’re not alone, Indie.” His voice cracks. “You’ve got us, we’ll always be here for you, and you’ve got your family. You’ll never be alone, Indie-pixie. And about me putting up with you, I never want to hear you say that bullshit again, do you hear me? I’m fucking lucky to have you. Anyone who has you in their life is.” He presses a kiss on my hair line. “You take care of me and I know no matter what I can always count on you and I fucking love you, okay? We all do.”

“I love you too.”

“Good.” He puff a laugh. “Now let’s go eat something, I’m starving.”

I’m not but I go with him to my kitchen and watch him cook pasta for the two of us. If Dylan was here he’d force me to eat. He always did that but I always dismissed him. I’ve never had any eating problem, it’s just that Dylan thought I ate so little because he ate like some hungry lion all the time and for some reason he thought I should eat like him. He loved my mum’s cooking.

I remember back in Capitol in my house, which now is my dad’s house, we had this huge kitchen with huge glass windows that looked at my mum’s garden and I remember right before we started dating we would do our homework on the kitchen while she cooked and Dylan would be the taster of everything.

I imagine I would try to cook Spanish food for him now. He would like that I took up cooking, that’s for sure, and I’m sure he’d like everything I made too. But I’ll never know because he’s gone and he’ll never come back.

It was so hard to be in that kitchen or in that dining room or even in my room. I can barely sleep there. Everything at Capitol reminds me of him and that’s why it’s just so hard to visit my dad.

Jason sets a plate of pasta in front of me and I grab the fork even if I couldn’t eat if I tried.

“What did you guys do last night?” I try to divert my thoughts from Dylan to literally anywhere else.

“We had dinner at my place and then we went to Loft 39.”

“Did you have fun?”

“Yes, but it would have been better with you.”

I smile even though I doubt it.

“How’s Ollie?”

“Lost.” Jason shrugs. “She told me what she did to Mario and you’re right, it is nasty.”

“I talked to him last night, he was at Elvis Buchanan’s birthday and I think he’s falling for her…”

“Who the hell is Elvis Buchanan?” He frowns and I chuckle.

“He’s a guy.” I shrug. “He’s nice.”

His eyes look up from his plate to mine.

“How are things with Harry?”

I shrug. Well, the other night he cried on my bed and last night he told me to get my own blanket if I was cold but after that we spooned and he ate me out this morning. So I have no idea.

“What do you think?” I ask him instead “You know, about Harry and me?”

“What’s there to think?”

I shrug.

“I don’t know… I mean… Do you think he’s using me?”

“Do you?”

I shrug.

“Where is this coming from, Indie?”

“It’s just… This morning he talked to this friend and when he asked him who I was he said I was a Med student.”

Jason’s eyes narrow.

“And you are.”

“Yes, but… Is that what I am to him? A Med student?”

“Well, what is he to you?”

I’m struck dumb.

“A friend.” I tell him.

He nods.

“Well, I’m guessing he was just trying to establish you, I guess. I mean what else could he say? It’s how you met after all.”

I don’t want to keep talking about it, especially having Dylan’s smile on my mind so I look away from him and nibble some on my past at the risk of throwing up.

“Do you want to watch a movie?” He asks.

I guess that’s a way of taking my mind off. We play Failure to Launch but I fall asleep soon after Sarah Jessica Parker shows up. Grieving is really exhausting.

“Indie”

Warm hands lightly shake my arms and I blink.

“Dylan?”

“No, it’s Jason.”

I rub my eyes and see Jason looking at me with sorrowful eyes.

I feel my heart crashing on my chest. I haven’t seen a single photo of Dylan since his funeral. I can’t. But it’s heart-breaking to realize how hard it is for me to remember his face now. I know the colour of his eyes, and I can fantasize about his smile but if I close my eyes and try to see his entire face, I just… It’s not like a picture.

“Come on, let’s go to bed.”

Jason walks me to bed and lies down next to me before he wraps his arm around my waist and pulls me to him.

Had I been with Harry, he wouldn’t have woken me up to take me to bed. Instead, he would have picked me up like a kid and take me to bed himself. I don’t know why I just thought about that.

Jason’s fast asleep but I lie wide awake on the mattress. Of course I would do that, I’d fall asleep at any random moment and then stay up for the rest of the night. As much as I try to fall asleep it’s impossible and I wonder if this is how Harry feels when he can’t sleep too. No wonder he was harsh to me, this is terrible.

I haven’t gotten anything from him all day after our talk on the phone. Not that it surprises me after what I told him, but I still wonder how he’s doing. I wish I could talk to my therapist right now. Well, I don’t, because I know what she’s going to say and I don’t want to hear it. I don’t want to fight her again, but I guess I want to know what I’m thinking and I know it sounds silly to say that but I need help figuring that out.

I remember when Dylan passed away I had this feeling in my chest and my belly and I thought I had asthma but it was none of that, it was just anguish and the thing was I couldn’t put my finger on it to the point where I just thought I was sick on my lungs and not on my mind. Even after therapy though, sometimes it’s hard for me to kind of know what I’m feeling.

I need to get out of bed. I’m driving myself crazy and, since Harry’s not around, the only other thing that manages to take my mind off, is downstairs so I try not to wake Jason up as I make my way to the reading room. When I slide the door opened, I entertain my eyes with the moonlight hitting the piano and without thinking, I sit on the stool and lift up the black lid so the keys are exposed to me.

I run my fingers through them, I haven’t played in three years. I’m not even sure I’m going to remember how to play but my fingers seem to remember Beethoven’s Moonlight sonata even before my mind does.

I’m not me anymore, I’m a part of a bigger thing, I’m a part of what’s playing and it surprises me to realize before I met Harry, I had resigned from feeling this way, from not thinking and just being but after I met Harry or since I know Harry, this is how he makes me feel. He makes me feel like music does.

It scares me because I know everything would be less painful if he was here now, if he was sitting down on one of the reading chairs listening to my sonata before he stood up and took me bare. But he is not and he won’t be here because it’s just sex between us.

I look ahead when I finish the piece and find a flabbergasted Jason staring at me with his lips parted. I look down, embarrassed.

“That was beautiful, Indie.”

“It wasn’t.” I complain. “It was sad.”

“It was sad and beautiful.”

I don’t understand how something can be sad and beautiful but I’ll let it go. I know Jason’s tired and I should try to get some sleep too.

“That was the first time I played since Dylan died.” I say. “Do you think I’m betraying him?”

Jason’s eyes hold mine for the longest minute. I don’t expect what he says.

“He’d like him.”

HARRY’S POV

It’s been a chill Monday. I’ve only had two surgeries and two hours of office so I’ve been able to work on my patients’ record a lot but it’s been hard to focus.

Family weekends always drain me, especially when it’s not my plan so I didn’t have time to prepare, not that I prepare very well anyway and to make things worse, Indie hasn’t contacted me yet.

I know I should give her time and space and all that shit but I’m tired of this back and forth with her. I don’t even know why but I have this need to make sure she’s okay and I just don’t want her to be in pain. It’s as simple as that. And knowing she’s gone through that… I guess it just explains a lot of things.

And I know I don’t deserve her, I don’t deserve any of this but… I’m starting to think maybe I don’t have to… Be alone all the time. She doesn’t want anything other than the physical relationship we have from me and that’s good, that’s safe; but it doesn’t mean I don’t worry about her. I never thought someone like her was going to show up and just change everything but for the first time since it happened, I actually want to tell somebody about it. I want to tell her. Yet I don’t know how… Because for all I know she might just storm out of the room- the girl has a temper- or tell me she’s not an ONG or something like that but… I just think if I can get her understanding I might forgive myself and I’m starting to think she might need me too.

Harry: Are you at uni?

I know she is because she was driving herself crazy when she had to miss lectures because she was sick so I don’t think she’d skip a lecture for any other reason. I think it’s cute that she’s such a psycho. She gives me a hard time over the amount of hours I work but I’m pretty sure I won’t see her face at all during finals.  

Indie: Yes.

Harry: At the lectures hall?

Indie: Yes

Indie: What do you want?

Harry: I’m picking you up

Indie: What?

Indie: No!

Harry: Why not?

Indie: I’m going shopping with Marie.

Harry: Well, go some other day.

Indie: No, I’ll see you some other day.

Harry: Please, love.

Indie: I said no but don’t worry I’m sure you can find some other Med student to fuck.

I hate it when she says that. It’s none of her business like she keeps saying but she really does get on my nerves when she acts like that. The only reason I was seeing other people is because she said we were “just sex”.

Anyway, I’m picking her up. I’ll drive her and Marie to the shops if that’s what I need to do to be able to talk to her. She can’t just act as if she cared and then shut me out and push me away whenever she feels like it.

I am leaning against the bars where the students lock their bikes when I see her walking out of the lectures hall holding a folder against her chest. She frowns and pouts like a mad little girl when she spots me and I know it shouldn’t be funny to me but I just think it’s so cute that her face is so giving. She stops in front of me and doesn’t stop frowning but I’m grinning at her. She’s hilarious.

“What the fuck are you doing here?”

“You gave me no other choice.” I shrug.

“Yes, you could have waited for tomorrow.” She whispers through clenched teeth.

“You would have given me another excuse.” We both know that.

“Why are you smiling? Do you think this is funny?”

“Sort of.” I admit. “I mean, I’m not fully sure why you’re mad.”

“Anyone could see you here.” She looks at both her flanks.

“Indie, I work here. It’s not strange for anyone to see me here.”

“Yes, but talking to me?”

Her words sting but I don’t let her see that.

“I told you I can’t meet you today.”

“Yes, because you were going shopping with Marie who is nowhere to be found.”

“We’re meeting at the shops.”

“Okay, well, I’ll drive you.”

“I don’t want you to.”

“I just want to talk.”

She studies my face. Her hair is tied up on a long braid that falls on her back but some thin locks have fallen out of it and dance over her face. I want to tuck them behind her ear but I don’t. I need to stop doing that sort of things. She sighes, she’s going to say yes.

“Okay.”

I smile and walk towards my car and she adjust her bag on her shoulder before she starts walking next to me. She is texting someone and my hands seem to have a mind of their own because they hold her waist as we walk down the kerb towards the parking lot, afraid that she might not see it and stumble. Her body tenses up, she’s just as surprised as I am.

The drive is silence because she’s still texting whoever it is she’s talking to and I take the time to arrange my thoughts. I’ve never actually told anyone about this. Those who know know because they’re a part of the story one way or another but I’ve never sat in front of a third person and told them about the accident.

When I pull over at the shops parking lot, Indie unfastens her seat belt but waits for me to say something. She’s nervous and she’s probably uncomfortable too but I don’t want to do this here.

“Should we have a cup of coffee?” I offer.

She weighs her options. I don’t think she knows I’d do whatever she asks me to but she nods. I wait for her in order to walk side by side to the nearest café we can find and I dare to place a hand on her lower back as I gently guide her to one of the tables. She’s scolded me before about me not touching her in public and even though she just fought me for showing up at the lectures hall, I think she doesn’t mind the contact when we’re not in the hospital.

We take a seat on one of the tables near the far window. Through the window we can see the road, there’s a narrow pavement between the café and the road, but not many people pass by. It’s too cold for walks already so all we see is cars driving by. When a person walks by though, I see the fog coming out of their mouths as they breathe. It makes our spot cosier since warmth is not something you can see, but; likewise everything, it’s something you can feel better when you’re face to face with its absence.

Indie looks incredible, as usual. I love how pink looks on her and how cosy she looks on her winter clothes. Her hazel eyes bore into mine like she was a deer and I was the spotlight and I don’t know why all of a sudden she’s giving me that look. That’s the look she gives me on the bedroom too.

“How are you?” I start.

“Good.” She shakes.

Am I making her this nervous? I’m the one who’s nervous… Maybe I’m passing it on her. But she just looks so good and soft and fragile… I don’t want to say something that would somehow hurt her. I feel my heart beating fast and hard against my ribs. I’ve never been more afraid of anything on my life but I don’t want her to blame me and I’m afraid she will.

“Are you nervous?”

“No” she shakes her head “I’m just cold.”

“Do you want my jacket?”

I start taking it off before she can answer but she stops me by lifting her hands in the air.

“No, I’ve got my own coat. You’ll freeze.”

“I’m not cold, baby.”

I lend her my jacket and she covers her shoulders with it before she tucks her hands between her thighs trying to warm up. I order two cups of coffee and stare at her.

“You’re always cold.”

It’s true. She always shakes when she ends up alone in the bed because she moves around a lot and unlike me, her hands and her arms are always cold too. She nods and gives me a knowing smile.

“Are you still mad at me?”

She shakes her head. Good. I won’t ask why she was mad in case that makes her mad again. Plus, I’m about to tell her a very intimate part of me. I need her to be on my side.

“And sad?”

Her big eyes look down to the table. The waiter places our two cups on the table and her fingers break the wrapper of a sugar package before she adds some sugar to her coffee.

“I know you are, Indie.” She stirs the coffee. “And I understand.”

The repetitive movement of her hand stops and my heart follows suit when she looks up at me. I’ve never seen her like this before and I wish I could take her pain away but for the first time I don’t feel like she’s better than me. I don’t see her like this girl who takes care of everyone, drinks gin and doesn’t let you get too close. She’s vulnerable and she needs me too.

“I didn’t like that you dropped that bomb like that and just left as if we were strangers but that was not about me, I take it. And after the way you talked to me on the phone, I understood you didn’t want to see me or talk to me and I’ve respected that but-”

“Why did you say you understand?” Her eyes bore into mine and my breath catches on my throat. “You said that that day and you’ve said that now.”

I take a deep breath. Here we go…

“My sister had a car accident when she was twenty-two years old. I know it’s not the same, because she didn’t die, but… She almost did.” My voice croaks but the way she’s looking at me, with brown eyes wide opened and her full lips shut makes me go on. “Uh, she was in a coma for 5 days and… We didn’t know if she was… Going to make it. She did but… Uh… She can’t walk.”

Indie places her hand over mine and only then I realize I’m shaking. She intertwines our fingers and I stare at out hands. Her skin is so much tanner than mine and so much softer too.

“I’m very sorry, Harry.”

How can she be sorry? Her boyfriend died on a car accident. This is not the same… Yet it’s still hard.

“She was pregnant.”

Indie’s eyes sadden further and her grip on my hand tightens. I can’t tell her.

“The baby died on her womb and it teared in the accident so they had to remove it in surgery so… Uh, she can’t carry babies now.”

“Shit.”

“I didn’t help her or anyone at all. I just… I couldn’t. Even now I can’t even look at her without feeling so terrible.” I confess. “And I know she doesn’t want that, she doesn’t need that; but I just… Can’t overcome that, I guess. So… It’s always very hard for me to see her and that obviously has driven me away from my family.”

Indie nods. I guess she doesn’t know what to say to me.

“Is that why you started working so hard?” Her voice comes out in a thin whisper. “You told me you kind of buried yourself in work… Is that why? So that you wouldn’t think about it?”

I nod.

“I was eighteen when that happened and I think that’s the reason why I decided to become a doctor. My sister spent the entire summer in the hospital, you know, learning how to… Be, I guess and after I went to uni and… Everyone was like going out and having fun and meeting new people and falling in love but I just… Was not in that point in my life so I didn’t really make many friends, also because I wouldn’t let many people in and… Yeah, I guess I just started studying a lot and afterwards working a lot.”

“Do you not see your family at all anymore?”

“No, I do.” I nod. “I visit them every once in a while. They were here yesterday and the day before, that’s why I didn’t, uh, I don’t know contact you to try to comfort you even though I don’t think I would have been successful.”

I give her a sad smile that she reciprocates.  

“Is that why you can’t sleep?”

Kind of. I nod. I lick my lips before I bring my cup to my lips and take a sip.

“You didn’t have to tell me about this so thank you.” She gives me a sad smile.

“I wanted to.” I confess. “I wanted you to know that you’re not alone and that you can talk to me if you ever… I don’t know.” I smile at her.

“Thank you.” She has a sip of her coffee before she takes a deep breath. “I never really talk about it or him.” Her dark eyebrows lower on her forehead. “I… I… I don’t like how it makes me feel.”

I hold her hand and bring it to my mouth, kissing her skin as she stares at me with a surprised expression. I’m surprised too. I don’t know what I’m doing.

“You don’t have to.” I shrug, trying to dismiss how I just crossed the line. “I just want you to know that if you ever want to or need to, you can tell me.”

“Okay.” She smiles. “But I’m better now anyway.”

“Good.” I rub my hands together as I give her a smile. “Then what do you feel like doing now?”

She chuckles.

“Going shopping with Marie like I told you.”

Oh, so she wasn’t lying.

“Can I go with you and give you girls my opinion on the changing room?”

“Of course not.”

I click my tongue and make a grimace of disappointment that has her chuckling again.

“It was worth a shot.” She agrees making me laugh.

But now I can’t take the image of her perfect body trying on lingerie out of my head. I imagine the way the soft lace would rest on top of her skin because she always wears clothes that fit her perfectly without being tight and that always drives me mad. How easy it is to just slip her panties down her soft legs…

“Don’t go shopping, Indie.”

She frowns. This is insane, how she unwillingly and unknowingly controls my emotions giving me the mood swings of a pregnant woman. She’s driving me crazy for real.

“Don’t you want to show me the underwear you’re wearing now?”

Her eyes widen but don’t leave mine so I smile mischievously. I know her better than she’d like and I know she likes it when I talk dirty to her. It’s like everything we’ve talked about before this, as serious as it was, is not on our minds anymore. It’s hard to think of anything other than her when she’s right in front of me, giving me her attention like she is now, looking at me and listening to me and just being here. I want to be closer to her.

“Do you not want my mouth on you, baby?” I lick my lips and watch her cheeks tinging pink. “Do you want to know what I want?”

Her lips part but instead of answering she takes air in. I don’t need her to say yes for me to know she does want to. She always does.

“I want to put your perfect ass against my kitchen counter and eat you out like you deserve, love.”

Her juicy mouth parts and I feel my dick hardening. She’s so easy, she’s as horny as I am.

“And then I’d fuck you onto the counter until your ass goes numb. Look at you, you’re blushing.” I grin. “It never fails to surprise me how shy you seem to be out of bed and how dirty you are in it.”

“Maybe I’m the perfect example of a lady out and a slut in.”

If she had said that any other way, I would have played along but the way she lifted her chin and clenched her jaw gives her away.

“Indie, you’re not a slut.” She rolls her eyes. “Why? Because you like sex? That doesn’t make you a slut, baby, it makes you a human.”

My hand reaches for her braid and I twirl a finger around it before I grip it between my fingers and gently pull from it bringing her face closer to mine until our lips are inches away.

“I like it” I tell her “that you’re free and you know what you want, it’s fucking sexy, baby.”

I press my lips against hers before she can reprimand me for the PDA and I feel her breath against my mouth as she takes the kiss. It takes her a few seconds to reciprocate but I smile when she bites my bottom lip. I bet she’s shutting her thighs together but before I can check that with my own hand underneath the table, her phone rings and she pulls apart.

“Hi, Marie.” She gives me a death glare as she wipes my saliva from her lips. “I’m having a cup of coffee on” she tilts her neck searching for the name of the cafeteria “on Sionpa, it’s right next to the- oh, right, yeah, yeah, that’s the one but don’t” she all but yells “worry, I can, I’ll go out. There’s no need for you to come all the way here. See you in a second.”

The things she would say not to have her friends see me. I smile as she leaves a bill on the table.

“Here, I’ve got your coffee too.” She says.

“Thank you.”

Her eyes narrow. I know she was expecting a bit of resistance on my part but I know she doesn’t like it when I don’t let her pay so she won’t have it. I grin.

“Oh, Harry!”

Indie turns around and Adam grins at us.

INDIE’S POV

“Indie!” Adam’s face lightens up as he leans in to give me a light hug. “I hadn’t recognized you! It’s very nice to see you! How are you?”

This guy is so well-mannered and friendly. It even surprises me that he’s that close to Harry.

“Hi, Adam. I’m good, thank you, how are you?”

“Good. What a coincidence, hey?”

“Yeah, what are you doing here?” Harry asks him.

He’s stood up from his chair and is now standing next to me with his hand on my low back.

“I need to get my mother a present. It’s not going well.” He smiles.

Harry chuckles.

“Just get her a book.”

“That’s like the least personal thing you could get her.” I complain.

“I don’t think so.” Harry argues back. “A scarf is less personal.”

“You are the king of presents.”  

Harry shrugs and Adam chuckles at our interaction.

“Is this what you were having?” Marie points at Harry with raised eyebrows and an annoyed expression.

Oh, shit.

“Marie!”

Adam laughs and my friend her eyes roam up and down his body. He grins at her. Alright, what is going on?

I look at Harry but he seems as lost as I am. He gives me a confused look as if he was waiting for me to solve this but I don’t know what we’re supposed to do either.

“Hi, I’m Adam. I’m a friend of Harry’s.”

“I’m Marie, a friend of Indie’s.”

Adam shakes Marie’s hand and I think everyone can see how she turned into the heart eyed emoji. Oh, Marie, don’t be so obvious… But he hasn’t taken his eyes off her either. She smiles nervously.

“Do you guys want to have a cuppa?”

“Well, we-”

“We’d love one.” Marie smiles.

“Sure.” Harry surprises me.

What are they doing?! I give Harry a death glare but he looks away so I focus on the other little devil.

“What was that? The shops are gonna close.”

“Well” she shrugs “the shops are there every other day.”

I stand there like a fool as Harry brings two more chairs to our table and takes a seat himself. Marie does the same and that’s when my head goes into a short-circuit. I would have never thought I would be having coffee with Harry at some random cafeteria, much less with Marie in what looks like a double date. Harry licks his lips inside his mouth amused and taps the empty chair next to him but I sit down next to Marie.

“Did you call him?” Marie asks me the second I sit down. She’s back. “Or did you follow her around?”

I feel my cheeks heating up but Harry grins as he looks at her.

“Second option.”

“And why do you do that?”

My eyes widen. Did timid Marie just ask that? She’s frowning at him as if she was a cop confronting a criminal and my breath catches on my throat. Harry looks at me before he looks back at my friend.

“Because I like her company.”

“Just because of that?” She challenges.

“Marie, dear Lord, shut it.”

“No” She frowns at me. “This is bad. She’s a lot younger than you, mister, and you’re her mentor, what if-”

“This is half the cuppas.” Adam says as he places a cup of tea before me and the other one before Marie. “I’ll be back with the rest.”

“What’s your game?” She resumes her accusations as soon as Adam walks away. “What do you want from her?”

“Marie, seriously, you’re embarrassing me.”

“Why? If you don’t ask the questions, somebody has to.”

“I’m not a-”

“I’m not playing with Indie.” Harry answers cutting my words short.

He’s studying Marie’s face with a stern expression. I wouldn’t be able to tell what’s going through his mind.

“I never have and what I want from her, she knows perfectly fine since the very first day.”

He doesn’t seem mad or annoyed at my friend’s rude behaviour but I’m beyond embarrassed. Thankfully, Adam arrives with his coffee and Harry’s and takes a seat next to his friend before another word can be spoken.

“Were you guys on a date?”

What is going on today? What sort of question is that? Harry chuckles and only then I realize he’s looking at me. My face must be a technicolour poem.

“No” I answer before Harry can embarrass me any further “we don’t go on dates.”

“I beg to differ.” Harry challenges with a smug smile.

I’m going to kill him. Adam and Marie look at each other trying to see if any of them know what’s going on but I mean neither do I.

“So how long for have you guys known each other?” He asks Marie.

Thank God, I need a break. Harry’s still smiling at me, he’s clearly loving this.

“Four years. We go to uni together.”

“Oh, so you study Medicine too?”

“Yes.” Marie nods.

“Oh, gosh, three nerds and me.” Adam jokes and my friend laughs.

“What did you study?” She asks. “If you studied at all.” She panics. “Because it’s fine if you didn’t. I mean you don’t have to, you know, it’s a valid choice not to and it’s also a valid choice to study. Please somebody stop me.”

Adam throws his head back and laugh and Harry fights against his smile but fails. Marie is adorable.

“I studied Journalism.”

“Oh.” Marie nods. “It sounds interesting.”

“Well” he shrugs “I’m currently working at this big cosmetics firm. I’m the crisis management responsible.” He nods. “I get all these free products that I don’t even know how to use.”

I chuckle. He’s great, what a subtle way of letting my friend know he doesn’t have a girlfriend. I almost bow at him.

“Really?” Marie chuckles. “That’s so cool!”

He chuckles and frowns.

“I mean, you can have them even though you don’t need them.”

I try to control my chuckle because he’s not laughing but I catch Harry rolling his eyes from the corner of mine. He then looks at me and smiles. My phone screen lightens up and Harry’s eyes drop on it too. He’s the nosiest person I’ve ever met. It’s an Instagram notificacion.

@gemmastyles liked your picture.

[softboywriting]

Hitched | Shawn Mendes

Summary: After a wild night in Vegas you and Shawn end up married according to the tabloids. Will these rumors change your dynamic and be the push the two of you need to finally admit your feelings for each other, or will it be the end of your relationship both professionally and personally? [personal assistant reader] [fake married] [accidentally married] [non au theme] 

Word Count: 8.5k 

|Masterlist In Bio|

Early morning sun blinds you through the windows of your hotel suite. Your head pounds, body feeling like it's been hit with a sack of bricks. Your mouth is dry like sandpaper as you reach for a bottle on the nightstand. There's a heavy weight across your stomach and you look down. An arm. A bulky thick arm with the tattoo of an orchid in a light bulb. Shawn.  

You push back the blankets to reveal the sleeping giant. He is sprawled out beside you on his stomach, arm across your waist, face pressed into the pillows. This wasn't the first time the two of you ended up in bed together, and it wouldn't be the last. At least he went home with you last night. As soon as the tequila shots had come out, you started to worry. Shawn and tequila don't mix well and he gets a little crazy.  

A pang of sickness washes over you and you need to get up. It's not like you to drink when Shawn drinks. It's sort of your job to keep him out of trouble and on task. But shit happens. At least he's with you, like you said. You did your job well enough. You push at his arm and instead of removing it, he curls it tighter around you, pressing on your stomach.

“Shawn, I have to get up. I feel sick.”

“Mmm.” He groans and rubs his face into his pillow. “No, stay with me.”

“Shawn. Now.”

“Stop talking.” He rolls over, toward you, and tugs you closer to him. “My head hurts.”

“You're hungover.”

“Probably.”

You run your hand over his hair and glitter falls out. You have no idea where that came from but it isn't what you're really focusing on. No. The ring on your finger is what catches your eye. It's Shawn's, his pinky ring, the rose gold one. Why were you wearing it on your wedding ring finger? Why were you wearing it at all? Oh no. A portion of the night comes flooding back to you. Brian had been joking with Shawn that since he lost his passport yesterday morning, he was illegal in the USA. Oh God Shawn no. You love Shawn, hell, you know him better than most at this point. It's hard not to fall in love with someone like him, but those feelings were counterproductive to your job and he could never know. Though you suppose he already does, the two of you couldn't deny looks and familiar touches. It was complicated.

“Shawn get up,” you push him off of you and he sits up quickly. “What happened last night?”

He holds his head and groans loudly. He'd had far more to drink than you did. “I don't remember.”

You put your hand out for him. “Did we get married?”

“What?!” Shawn grabs your hand and studies the ring on your finger. “No! Why would we do that?! I know we got smashed but fucking christ.”

“I don't know! Call Brian. Maybe he remembers?”

Shawn pats around under the pillows and produces his phone. “Fuck,” he turns the screen toward you and there's a bunch of missed calls and texts. You can't help but notice his background is the two of you backstage at the capital summertime ball last year. He picked you up on his shoulders to see the stage and Brian snapped a photo. He calls Andrew instead of Brian since the missed calls were all from him.

“Morning newlyweds,” Andrews voice crackles over the speakerphone between you and Shawn. “Hungover?”

“Andrew what happened last night?”

“You guys must have been seriously messed up. You wouldn't believe me if I told you.”

You sigh. “Andrew what happened?”

“Well Brian convinced Shawn that because we can't find his passport, he had to marry a US citizen to stay in the country. Which is ridiculous, because I just had to go get a temp until we can get back to Toronto and get a new one. Anyway, you and Shawn ditched everyone and went to get hitched in the basement chapel of the hotel by some Elvis impersonator who was on site for a gimmick wedding being hosted last night.”

“It's probably not even legal then. We didn't sign anything, it's just a ceremony right?”

“No, not technically, he was a justice of the peace though. Registered and everything. Brian and Zubin were your witnesses.” Andrew sighs and you roll your eyes. “Luckily it was just you four idiots and no one but us knows about this.”

Shawn holds his head. “Okay well, it's fine then.”

“Perfect. Thank Andrew.” You click to hang up and stare at Shawn. “You're so dumb y'know that?”

“Oh shut up. You obviously agreed to go along with it, so you're pretty dumb too.”

You shove him and he shoves you back, pinning you to the bed. “Shawn I swear to God if you-”

He leans down and gets close to your face. His breath ghosts over your cheek and jawline. He's going to threaten to lick you. Somehow he found out that spit grosses you out; the wet feeling, the knowing it came from someone else's mouth, all of it just squicks you out. He found out and now every chance he gets he uses it against you when he doesn't get his way or wants something. He was a damn man child sometimes. “Take it back or I'll do it.”

“Never.”

“Last chance.”

You close your eyes and wait for the worst. You'll never admit defeat. He was dumb, the whole marriage thing had to be his idea. How he convinced you in your drunken state to marry him you will never know. Obviously your brain had decided to put feelings for Shawn over work, rational thinking and common sense last night, but it's still definitely his fault.

He opens his mouth and you can feel his breath hotter than ever. You struggle against his hold and then go still when his mouth connects with your cheek. It's not spit, it's not his tongue. It's his lips, warm and soft against your skin.

“What're you doing?”

“What?”

You peek one eye open and look down at him. “Aren't you going to lick me?”

“Nah. You're my wife now.” He grins and kisses your cheek again. “I guess I gotta be sweet on you.”

“Oh shut up! I'm not actually your wife!” You shove him as he releases your arms and falls over laughing. “Get dressed chuckles. We have to be at the airport soon.”

____________________

“So are you taking my last name then?” Shawn asks with a smirk from the seat beside you. “Because I think it suits you.”

“I'm not talking to you anymore.”

“You have to! You're my assistant and my best friend.” He slides his hand over yours on the arm rest between the two of you. “Please talk to me?”

You let his fingers curl around yours as you close your eyes. He always held your hand when the plane was taking off. It's just how it was. You needed something real to hold on to until you were in the air and he was always that something. “What am I supposed to say?”

“Just answer my question. Are you taking my last name?”

“Why does it matter? We're not actually married so who cares?”

“I care.”

You cut him and glare and he isn't even smiling like he was joking. “Why?”

“I just do. Hypothetically, would you take my name?”

“Yeah. Sure.”

Shawn looks satisfied with himself. You have no idea why that mattered. It wasn't like you were actually married. Well you were officiated but, y'know, whatever.

____________________

All hell breaks loose when you and Shawn walk into the central concourse of the airport you've landed at. The screams are deafening and louder than you've ever heard before. Jake tries to keep a minimum distance as you and Shawn make your way to the front doors with Andrew and the rest of the crew in tow.

“What is going on?!” You yell and Shawn falls back to put his arm around you and lean down to hear you. “I said what's going on?”

“No clue. People must be just extra excited to see me today.”

“Shawn! Shawn! Is it true?! Have you been in a secret relationship with your assistant for years?!”

Shawn looks over to the well dressed woman who's running alongside the group. She's asking all sorts of questions about you and Shawn. Obviously a reporter.

“Keep going!” Andrew yells over the crowd and comes up close behind you. “Don't answer any questions! Me and Brian will take your bags, just go!”

Shawn passes his suitcase to Brian and you give yours to Andrew. Shawn's hand finds yours and it's sweaty as he pulls you closer to Jake. He's nervous, anxious as his eyes start darting around to what you can only assume to be over a hundred people in the concourse. The two of you were used to crowds, it came with the job, but this was a swarm.

Jake pulls the two of you into a security office with help from some of the local airport security personnel. One moment you're in deafening loudness and the next it's muffled silence. Your ears are ringing and you feel like you've just survived an apocalypse. Shawn's hand is gripping yours so tight his knuckles are white and he's shaking.

“Shawn, hey,” you say softly and he looks down at you.

“Pull the blinds please,” Jake instructs to an officer by the door. She turns and pulls the blinds on the two floor to ceiling windows looking out to the hoard.  

You sit Shawn down in a rolling chair behind a desk covered in paperwork. “Hey, look at me bud.”

The two officers and Jake move to the farthest corner from the two of you and talk among each other about how to clear up the situation outside the door.

Shawn looks at you and you run your hand over his hair. “Sorry, I just got overwhelmed.”

“It's cool. You know you just have to tell me and we'll fix it.”

“That woman knew. She knew about us.”

Us. As if there was really something going on between the two of you.

“She doesn't know anything. People have speculated for years about us. She probably just saw us talking when we got through the gate.” You scratch his scalp gently as he leans his forehead against your stomach. “Relax, deep breaths. Wanna do a vocal warm up to let it out?”

“No, it's fine. I just want to get to the hotel as soon as possible.”

“Jake,” you look over and he looks at you. “What's the plan to get out of here?”

“Security is going to escort us out. They've got more people coming down here to help. Just a few minutes. I've let Andrew know we're alright.”

“Thank you.”

Shawn stands up and pulls you into a hug. He presses his nose into the top of your hair and sighs. “Sorry I keep making today so stressful for you.”

“No, Shawn, it's not your fault.” You rub up his back and down again. “Things happen. We'll be okay. We always are.”

_____________________

Turns out the news has broken and the world knows that you and Shawn allegedly got married. TMZ was first to announce so you're sure that the Elvis impersonator spilled his guts for a couple hundred dollars. That son of a bitch. As if Shawn wasn't already having a hell of a time with stress on tour, this had to happen.

You don't even want to go out of the hotel now. The comments on every social media platform are enough to make you want to peel your skin off. There's two types of people it seems. Ones that think you're amazing and ones that hate your guts. For the most part it's people hating you.

“We're going to get dinner, are you coming?” Shawn asks, poking his head into your room.

“I'm gonna stay in. I don't want to go out.”

“Is it because of the gossip?”

“Yeah. I'm tired of being called ugly, fat and worthless. Why give people more fodder to keep the fire burning?”

Shawn steps in and closes the door behind him. “Why are you reading that crap?”

“I can't avoid it. Everywhere I go it's all people are talking about.” You flip through your Twitter feed and hold it up for Shawn. “Oh this is my favorite, gold digging whore.”

Shawn stalks across the room and snatches the phone from your hand. He throws it into your suitcase and squats down in front of you. “They're jealous. Angry jealous people who have no idea who you are.” He takes your hands and kisses over your knuckles. “They have no idea how beautiful and smart and funny you are.”

“Shawn...you're just saying that.”

“I'm not.” He looks at you over your hands. “I'm honored to call you my wife, real or fake, it's an honor. Any man who marries you is lucky.”

Tears sting the corners of your eyes and you look down, lip trembling.

“Let's stay in. We can rent a movie on the TV and order something to be delivered.”

“No, you go with the guys.” You pull one hand out of his and wipe your wet cheeks. “I'm fine.”

“I won't go.” He stands and crawls on to the bed, sitting behind you and dragging you between his legs. “I'd rather spend my night with you then watch Brian try to pick up the bartender for three hours straight.”

"Can we get Chinese?"

"Of course." Shawn pulls his phone out and scrolls through Google to find a local place to deliver. "You want your usual?"

"Yeah. Extra dumplings if they have them."

He brings the phone up to his ear and smiles. "Anything you want."

____________________

Two days later. Heading to the venue where Shawn is playing isn't usually a stressful thing. You've done it countless times. But you've never done it with everyone thinking you're his wife. The back of the transit van is silent, uncomfortably so. Shawn is on his phone, Andrew and Brian are staring out the windows and Connor is messing with something on his camera.

You hold your bag tight against your lap and sigh. Shawn opens his his legs and bumps your thigh. You look up and he's smiling. “What are you doing?”

“Can you hand me my notebook?”

“Yeah sure.” You dig around in your little black backpack and produce his tattered leather bound journal. It's his writing notebook and if anyone besides you ever had it he would probably explode. “Got an idea?”

“Yeah, just something that's stuck in my head.” He takes it and slides the little pen out from the side and starts writing. He looks so focused as he scribbles away, striking things out and looking annoyed. His brain never stopped.

“Hey.”

You look away from Shawn to Connor who is across from the two of you and has his camera up right. “Yeah? Need something?”

“No, nevermind.”

“We're here,” Andrew says as the van comes to a halt.

Shawn closes the notebook and hands it over. “Are you nervous?”

“Are you?”

“Yeah but I have you, so it'll be okay.” He grabs your hand and squeezes. “Everyone ready?”

Everyone mumbles in unison and Jake pulls open the side door to the sound of fans yelling beyond the barriers a few yards away. No questions. No photos. Just straight into the venue.

The second you're inside the venue there are coordinators ushering you to the question and answer area that's set up in a meeting room. Usually sound check would come first but you had arrived a little later than planned due to traffic and now everything was off schedule.

Shawn goes out and the fans in the q&a scream and greet him. You take a seat behind curtain that is put up as a backdrop in the front area where Shawn sits. You open up your laptop and start working on the checklist for the show tonight while also looking up local gyms for Shawn while he's in town.

Twenty minutes pass and you hear Shawn say your name. You pull out your headphones and listen to what he's saying, wondering what the question was. He just wants a bottle of water and you grab one off a cart nearby.

You don't think anything of it when you walk out in front of everyone to hand him his water. You've done it a hundred times. You don't realize that you've really messed up until the fans are awwing and suddenly asking questions over each other.

“Did you guys get married for real?”

“How long have you been together?”

“Are you really his assistant?”  

Shawn sighs and you can see Jake who is off to the side next to you just shake his head. “I'm sorry, I didn't even think about it when I asked for water.”

“It's fine. Just act like everything is normal.” You grab his empty bottle and he pops open the top of the new one. “And don't answer any questions about me.”

“I promise I won't.”

You turn and walk away, giving a little wave to the fans as you go around the back again to take your place at your laptop on an amp box.

____________________

The next night you, Shawn and a couple of the guys go out to a bar near the hotel. It's a really upscale place, private too. It's nice being able to relax and just let loose the stress from the last few days and not have anyone recognize you for a few hours.

Drinks are flowing, music is playing, you are dancing with a couple people. It feels good. Someone's hands find your waist from behind and they pull you against their solid warm body. You stiffen up, not comfortable with the sudden contact.

“You smell really good.” Shawn murmurs against your hair. “Like really good.”

You relax, trusting him and no longer worrying about it being some stranger making a move. “I just washed my hair with my usual stuff.” You turn in his hold to face him and he drops his forehead against yours. His eyes are focused on you, a little glassy from alcohol and you wonder how many drinks he's had.

“You are so beautiful.” He smiles and closes his eyes. “You just...wow.”

“Shawn, you've had way too much.” You reach up and play with the curls at the back of his neck. You've had a few yourself. “I thought you weren't going to drink much because your next show is in three days.”

“I'll be fine.”

“It's not like you.”

“I just wanted to relax.” He leads you over to a lounge area with some couches and falls back on his ass, pulling you down on top of him.

You sit on his lap and he smiles at you like a cat who caught a canary. “What are you grinning about?”

“You.” He runs his hand up your back and you loop your arm around the back of his neck. “I wanna kiss you.” He leans up so he's face to face with you. “I want to kiss you all over.”

“Why?”

“Because I want to kiss my wife.” He grins.

You roll your eyes. “I'm not your wife doofus.”

He leans in closer and bumps his nose with yours, breath ghosting over your lips. You're too drunk to handle this right now. Everything in you wants him and it's so hard to say no. You've kissed before but it wasn't like this, well, it was. You were drunk then too but it wasn't in public and with speculation of being married hanging in the air.

“This is a bad idea,” you whisper, eyes going to his pink lips and he shakes his head slightly. “Yes it is.”

“Stop talking.” He leans in and kisses you, hands going to your hair as he licks into your mouth. You take a deep breath and re-position yourself so you're straddling his thighs. He drops one hand to your waist and you feel like you just can't get enough. You can't seem to break away from him as he kisses you better than anyone you've ever been with. You know the two of you will end up going back to the hotel together, there was absolutely no doubt about that at this point. It's just a matter of how far this was going to go.

____________________

The next morning you wake up and it's like deja vu. Shawn's arm is across your stomach and your head hurts. Only this time you remember the night before. You remember walking with Shawn back to the hotel and making out in the elevator. Fumbling with his key card to get his room open. And then watching him literally collapse on the bed and pass out. You knew he'd had way too much.

“Morning,” you says softly, running your hand through his hair. He rubs his face into his pillow and groans at the morning light. “Hungover?”

“Very. My head is throbbing.”

“Let me help.” You sit up and guide him to lay his head on a pillow you pull over onto your lap. You massage your fingers into his temples and he groans softly.

“You're the best.”

“Mmhmm.” You massage over his eyes and cheeks and he just let's his jaw go slack. He's so soft like this, trusting in you completely. The last few days have been a wild ride and gone farther than your professional relationship with him should go. It's like since finding out you got hitched by the Elvis impersonator, all inhibitions were gone. The line between coworker and relationship was getting blurrier by the second and you have to redraw it before it is too late.

“You're a really good kisser.” Shawn mumbles, smiling to himself.

“So you remember some of last night?”

“Mmm yeah.” He opens his eyes and you stop rubbing his temples. “You can't deny that there's something more between us.”

“I can't, but there shouldn't be.” You return to rubbing and go down around the back of his neck eliciting a soft moan from him. “I'm your assistant first and foremost. We need to remember that.”

“Yeah.” He says softly, closing his eyes again. You know he isn't going to cave that easily. It's not like him to drop a subject just like that but you know he doesn't want to argue or anything with his head killing him. And that's just fine.

____________________

Shawn wraps his arms around you from behind and walks with his head on your shoulder. "What're you going to get?"

"I don't know, we came for you to get stuff."

"Yeah, but...I know you want something."

The two of you round the corner to the health care isle in the little 24 hour convenience store. The two of you had come down for snacks after Shawn said he needed some jerky and a Snickers. The funny thing is that those two things were your usual period cravings, and you happen to be on your period.

"Shawn, did you want to come here because of me?"

"What do you mean?" He pulls away and grabs a box of Tylenol off the shelf to toss into the bag you're carrying.

"Come on. Snickers and jerky? That's my craving snack."

Shawn grins sheepishly and rubs the back of his neck. "Am I that obvious?"

You roll your eyes. "You're transparent."

He walks over and puts his arm around your shoulders. "I just wanted to help. I saw you were having bad cramps earlier during rehearsal."

"Is that why you brought me tea from the catering cart?"

"Yeah."

You lean your head on his chest. "Thank you."

"You're welcome." He kisses your head. "Lets get those snacks and head back."

____________________

“You're still wearing the ring,” Shawn says, pointing to your hand curled around the clipboard you're holding. The second show this week is about to start and he's getting his in ears put in.

“So?”

“So? Why didn't you take it off? It's been like five days.”

You shrug and touch the little rose gold band. “It's pretty. I guess I didn't notice.” You point at his hand and he has one of his gold bands around his ring finger still too. “What's your excuse?”

Shawn shrugs. “I guess I didn't notice.”

You narrow your eyes at him and he grins. “Maybe you want to be married to me.”

“Maybe you do too.”

“In your dreams.”

“I've had a lot of dreams come true y'know.” Shawn laughs and goes to the side stage to get ready to go on. You follow him over and touch his arm gently. “Hmm?”

“I forgot to tell you to have a good show.”

He leans over and kisses your cheek, making your heart race. “Always do.”

“Pinkies for luck?”

Shawn hooks his pinky with yours and the rings click together, making him grin. You pull away and run your hand over his hair to fluff it up as the band starts playing his intro. He keeps smiling at you and walks out on to stage, bringing his mic up to greet everyone in the arena. You twist the ring around on your finger and it sends an ache through your chest. Why hadn't you taken it off?

____________________

The show is going great and you are beaming at him the whole time. He keeps doing this thing where he looks over at you and you try to keep out of view so people don't know what he's looking at. Connor asks if you'll follow him during Bad Reputation because he doesn't want to hit anything while he watches the camera screen. You've done it several times and you know all you have to do is literally walk behind him and tell him if he's going to hit an amp or something.

Zubin and Shawn are going to town on the guitar when it happens. You're following Connor but he's walking too quick, your eyes are on Shawn as he does a little grabby hand wave at you and you trip on a set of cables sticking out off the light box at the base of the stage. You go sprawling, scraping your knees on the hard concrete floor of the arena.

“Fucking shit!” you yell as you turn over and dust yourself off. Your jeans are torn in the knees and there's blood starting to stain on the left one.

Suddenly Shawn is by your side, guitar on his back as he kneels down beside you. “Are you okay? I saw you go down behind Connor.”

“What're you doing!? Get back up there!”

“It's fine Zubin is doing his thing.” Shawn puts an arm behind your back and the other under knees, lifting you up bridal style. “Ah shit your knee is bleeding.”

“Put me down. I'm fine.”

“No you're not! Look at your knee!”

You glance down and yeah your jeans were pretty much destroyed by the big bloody patch. It was starting to ache too, a dull throb right over your knee cap. “You're really not helping with the rumors right now y'know.”

“I really don't care.” Shawn places you gently on an equipment box backstage as Jake and one of the stage hands come over with a first aid kit.

“I'll be fine. Go back out there.” He starts to protest and you grab his face and force him to look at you. “Leave me and go do the show.”

Shawn leans in and kisses your lips quickly before turning and running back out on stage. Your heart stops and you are left in a stunned state, just gawking off at the stage. Did he really just kiss you? What the hell? He...you weren't...fuck.

“Hey, hello!” The stage hand, Nick, waves his hand in your face. “I can't clean it with your jeans on. Can we go to the catering room or something and have you take them off?”

“Yeah....yeah sure.” You bring your focus back to your knee and as you try to stand up on it, you wobble. Nick supports you as you head for the inner concourse and Jake stays behind.

“I'll tell him where you are when he gets done, don't worry,” Jake says with a smile. You know he seen the kiss, hell, anyone in the vicinity saw it. Shawn was not making this easy.  

As soon as the show ends Shawn is in the catering room with you. He's pretty sweaty when he comes in but you don't really care because he's got eyes for no one but you. He kneels down beside you and cradles your knee in his big hands, fingers ghosting over the gauze wrapped skin.

“You had to cut your jeans?” He asks, sliding his hand over your thigh where your jeans are cut off just over the wound.

“Yeah. I couldn't get my jeans off and they were already ruined.”

“Let me carry you to the car.”

“Shawn I can walk. It's not that bad now.”

He gives you a hard look. “You're hurt.”

“It's just a scraped knee.”

“Please, let me carry you. You're my w- it's my fault. If you hadn't been watching me wave at you, you wouldn't have tripped.”

You sigh, defeated. “I'm not going to change your mind am I?”

“Nope.” Shawn gets up and picks you up bridal style again, holding you close to his chest. You can smell his shampoo from his damp hair, curls falling in his face. “Let's go, I'll have one of the guys bring my stuff.”

“I need my bag.”

Shawn leans down and you grab your backpack off the couch you were sitting on. With that he carries you alongside Jake as he heads for the cars out back.

The second you get to the doors you see a bunch of fans waiting around to hopefully get a picture with Shawn beyond the security fence. The fans start screaming as soon as he walks out in the open carrying you toward the car. They’re waving and calling out both of your names as camera flashes go off.

“You can go ahead and take pictures.” You say to Shawn and he shakes his head. “Seriously, just drop me off in the car. I'll wait.”

“No. I want to go back to the hotel and shower and relax with you. Besides they've got their pictures.” He grins.

“Shawn.” You touch his cheek and he leans into your hand. “Please. I know you want to go say hi.”

“I do, but I really want to relax too.” Jake opens the door for Shawn and he lowers you to your feet and helps you into the car. “And relaxing comes first today.”

____________________

“Hey, are you feeling up to going out?”

You raise your eyebrows and he smiles sheepishly, knowing that you're not supposed to be seen together alone until the whole marriage thing blows over, but you're still his friend and assistant and honestly that concept of hiding it had gone out the window days ago. “Like...where?”

“Ed's in town. He texted me and asked if I want to hang out and see the show tonight.”

“Sure. Anyone else going?”

“I think Brian is gonna go.”

“What time?”

“Around seven.”

“I'll see you then.”

The concert is loud as hell, just like Shawn's are. You're stood in a private section with a few other people from Ed's crew and it's just you and Shawn. Brian didn't ever show up, and honestly you think Shawn didn't actually invite him.

Nearly forty minutes pass and Ed ends castle on the hill and starts up the chords to Perfect, his final song on the set list. Shawn wraps his arms around you from behind and you look up at him.

“I found a love, for me...” Shawn sings along softly with Ed.

“You planned this didn't you?”

“Planned what?”

“Being here together and without Brian. This is a date, isn't it?”

Shawn rolls his eyes. “A date? Really? We're just seeing Ed.”

“A concert can be a date y'know.”

“Shh.” Shawn lays his chin on your head and starts humming along to the song. The arena is dark and everyone has their phones out, swaying along to the song. It's beautiful. “Dancing in the dark, with you between my arms.” He sings softly against your head and you hold onto his arms now wrapped around your shoulders.

You take his hand and he turns you around, stepping back and grinning at you. He keeps singing as he slow dances with you, swinging you out and bringing you close in time with the music. “You're ridiculous,” you laugh and he just holds you against him.

“You love it,” he says quietly, turning you around once more and pulls you back against his chest. “And you look perfect...tonight.”

The song comes to an end and you hold Shawn's hands in yours. He kisses the side of your head and you're absolutely gone for him. He's knows it. You know it. The whole damn world probably knows it by now. ____________________

“Where's my notebook?”

“In the suitcase.” You point to his bulky black bag. “Outer pocket.”

Shawn digs into the bag and brings it out, taking a seat on the edge of the bed and writing furiously. You learned ages ago not to bother asking what was in that little journal. You know usually it's lyrics or little bits or inspiration. You never read it, no matter how many times he has you carry it in your bag, you never ever open that book.

“We've got to get going Shawn. Can you write in the car?”

“No.”

You drag his bag off the bed and over to the door. Yours is already there waiting, you had brought it over to save you from grabbing it later after helping Shawn get everything together.

“The plane won't wait.”

Shawn looks up and rolls his eyes. “Just a moment.”

“Alright.” You lean against the door and close your eyes. You're exhausted, the concert with Ed had ended up going until around nine and then visiting lasted until well after midnight. Every time Shawn and Ed got together it was like a recording session. The two were definitely of the same bunch. Now you had a six hour flight to get on back to Toronto.

“I’m ready.” Shawn whispers in your ear and your eyes fly open and you jump, making him laugh. “Let's go home.”

You swat at his chest and he grabs his bag handle. “You're such a turd.”

“I just like teasing you. Come on.”

The two of you head down to the lobby to meet Andrew and Brian and the rest of the crew. “So, what're you writing in that book?”

“Curious?”

“Well yeah, that's why I'm asking. I know usually you don't tell anyone. You've just seemed very engrossed in it lately.”

“I've been writing lyrics. I want to meet up with Teddy and see if we can't get something together. I've just...got this feeling and I want to put it into words.”

You round the corner to the lobby and Andrew looks up from his phone. “About time you two.”

“Leave the love birds alone, don't you know, they're newlyweds.” Brian teases, dragging his suitcase around behind the two of you toward the doors.

“Fuck off Brian!” Shawn yells and you elbow him for yelling in the lobby.

The rest of the trip home goes smoothly, you sleep on the plane with Shawn leaning against you and it's possibly the best sleep you've had in a few days. Landing back in Toronto is a bit annoying, as fans have come to meet you and Shawn at the airport like usual. Only now they're rowdier than ever due to the news about your alleged marriage.

"Don't pay attention to any of it." Shawn says, wrapping his arms around your shoulders and staring down at your phone. You've just arrived at his apartment and you'll be leaving tomorrow to go to your own place in New York. "We'll just lay low and then in a few weeks it'll all be over."

"Yeah I guess. How exactly do we convince fans we aren't hitched?"

"Probably should take off the rings."

You pocket your phone and hold your hand out in front of you. Honestly you've grown accustomed to the little ring on your finger. It fits so comfortably.

“Maybe being married isn't such a bad thing.”

You look up from your hand to where Shawn is now across the bedroom lying on the bed on his stomach. “What?”

“I mean, aren't we already kind of married?”

“No?”

“Think about it. You know more about me than anyone. You can read me like an open book. We're always together, I trust you more than anyone and we definitely have chemistry. We have such a connection, it's insane. Maybe it's not such a bad idea.”

You close your eyes and sigh softly. “You cannot be serious. We can't be married. We just can't. I'm your assistant, not your wife.”

“Technically you're both right now.”

“Shawn. It wasn't a legal binding ceremony.”

He gets up and walks over to you, taking your hands in his. “Come on. You'd get so many benefits as my wife. You could come to awards shows with me, walk red carpets, be on my health care plan. I can also avoid the “when are you going to have a girlfriend?” conversations. I really don't see any downsides.”

“Really? No downsides? What about dating? What about falling in love and wanting to marry someone for real? I can do pretty much all that other stuff as your assistant if you want me to. None of it has to do with me being your wife or not. And why don't you have a girlfriend? You're like the most eligible bachelor in history. Rich, gorgeous, young and talented. What's the deal?”

“You know why I don't. Besides I don't want to marry someone else.”

“What? Are you kidding me? Why the hell would you want to marry me in the first place? And on that note, no, I don't know why you don't have a girlfriend, besides being on tour and stuff.”

“You really don't get it do you?”

“For the love of God, why can't you stop talking in riddles for like five minutes?”

“It’s because I'm in love with you.”

Your heart stops. He doesn't mean it like that. He can't. He isn't allowed to. No. He can't. You didn't want to hear those actual words, it made it all too real.

“Shawn, I think you really need to think about that. You can't just say that lightly.”

“I have thought about it.” He walks you over to the couch just past the doorway into the living room. “It's all I think about all the time. I've wanted to tell you for the last three years but how do you tell your assistant that sort of thing? And I wanted to be sure you felt the same, or you at least had an interest in me. You're hard to read though. I could never figure out what you were thinking until this last year, hell, the last few weeks when I realized you've been holding back.”

“Shawn... I-I don't know.”

He takes your hand and threads his fingers between yours. “Don't hold back. Do you want to be with me?”

“I mean, yeah, of course. More than anything Shawn, but...we can't.”

“We can. We absolutely can.”

"But my job and the fans...it's a lot to handle."

"And yet we've been doing it for the last week basically."

“I...I should go.” You pull your hand away and stand. You grab your bag and head for the door. There isn't really anywhere to go besides your place. The second you get out the front doors you call a cab. It wasn't as if you didn't feel the same way about him, because you did. It's just...it would never work. If you mixed your job with your relationship it could end badly. That's what you've been telling yourself anyway. There's a line, a very clear line, and you can't bring yourself to cross it...though you've definitely been bending over it a bit. Well, maybe a lot.

____________________

The sun is just starting to set as you take your seat on a plane flying to New York. You're alone, carry-on bag in the compartment over your seat. You called and talked to Andrew about what happened. He was fine with it, in fact he'd rather Shawn be with you then deal with bringing a whole new person into the picture, but you still don't think it's for the best. Four years, four long amazing years and just like that you find yourself out of a job and heading back to your hometown.

You didn't say goodbye to Shawn. You couldn't. The next time you see him will be...well, no, you don't know when that might be. You lean your head back and fight the tears welling up in the corners of your eyes. You want to stay, you do, but you can't hurt Shawn if things go bad or just don't work out. The stress and tension that would put on your professional relationship would be too much. You won't break his heart, you just won't.

You put on your headphones, lean your head back and put on a sleep mask. If you just tuned it out you would be fine. Minutes pass and you feel the plane start to move, taxiing to the runway for take off. You feel your nerves getting the best of you, hand curled around the end of the arm rest. You never flew alone, you always flew with Shawn.

A hand covers yours and you jump, jerking away. You pull your sleep mask off to see who the hell thought it was okay to touch you. Your heart drops when you see Shawn in the seat beside you.

“What the hell are you doing?” He asks, irritation evident in his voice.  

“I'm going home.”

“You're running away.”

“I'm not. It's for the best.”

“The best for who?.”

You look away and clench your jaw. “You don't get it Shawn.”

He reaches over and turns your head to look at him. “No, you don't get it. You are running away because you're scared. You're scared to admit that we have something special because you're afraid it won't work out. But let me tell you what, you've seen me at my worst and my best and I've seen you in both lights as well. I think you know just as well as I do that we're meant to be together.”

“But what if it doesn't work out?”

“And what if it does? You can't try and take the safe route every time. There is nothing about our relationship that says it won't work. Please, do you know how hard it was to be told that you quit all of a sudden? That after spending a good part of four years together, you were just going to walk out of my life? Do you know how bad that hurt?”

“I just thought it'd be easier. I didn't want to hurt you.”

Shawn pushes up the arm rest and scoots closer to you. “Nothing is going to be easy. It never is.” He grabs your hand and threads his fingers between yours. “Please don't leave. You're my best friend. You don't want to hurt me but this, leaving, is going to kill me.”

“How'd you find me?"

"You always fly Delta when you go home. I just checked for a flight to New York and got a ticket. It doesn't matter."

You sigh and lean your head on his shoulder. "You really want to do this?"

"Yes. And we don't have to be married, we can just date. I just want you in my life, please."

"I want you in mine too." You hold his face and he tilts your head up to kiss you gently. "I suppose we're just a little backwards on all this, getting married and then dating."

"I guess this is where we start then."

You smile and he kisses you again, and again and again.

_____________________

Three months later

"Babe, did you get the email from Teddy about the song?" Shawn asks as he pulls on a suit jacket.

You glance over at his stylist who's holding up two shirts to the jacket. Shawn is standing there with his arms out like a dork while she works her magic. "I haven't gotten any emails from her. I have one from Connor though?"

"What's Connor sent? It must be a big file if he can't text it."

"Let me open it." You click the link and it opens a video in the media player on your laptop. The playback opens with you sitting on Shawn's shoulders at capital summertime ball, the moment Shawn had on his lock screen photo. From there it cuts to you and Shawn backstage playing slaps before a show and him squealing every time you faked him out. Then it's the two of you sharing a strawberry shake from McDonald's. You remember that day, he said he didn't want anything and ended up stealing half of your order.  

"What is it?" Shawn asks, sliding off the suit jacket and walking over to lean on the back of the couch.

On the screen you and Shawn pose like goofballs in his new merch for the tour. The two of you sleeping on a couch backstage at some event. Shawn putting his jacket over your shoulders during a late night video shoot. Then there is recently, the two of you in the back of the car when he asked for his notebook. You can see that Shawn is stealing glances as he writes, something you hadn't noticed at the time. There's footage of Shawn at the concert jumping off stage to pick you up after you tripped. And finally, the last little bit is when the two of you were boarding the plane home and you grab Shawn's hand as you walk through the boarding tunnel.

"Wow..." You laugh softly, covering your mouth. "We're so transparent."

"Connor...he really did that." Shawn leans over and kisses your cheek. "I guess everyone knew we were together before we did."

"Yeah. Obviously."

"I'm going to have Teddy send you a copy of the new song." He turns back to his stylist and she holds out his shirt she's chosen. "I want you to listen to it tonight and tell me what you think."

"This is the song you've been keeping top secret for the last month?"

He grins sheepishly. "Yes, I promise it's worth it."

"Your songs are always worth it. I'm pretty sure you've never written a bad song."

"You're so sweet."

"Only to you."

_____________________

Shawn goes out to sit at some awards show and you stay behind in the green room. You've had enough with award shows in the last few years. They're usually too loud and full of cringey dialogue. You put in your head phones and press play on the file that Teddy sent to you. She didn't send any explanation other than a little winking smiley face and honestly you're suspicious. Shawn has never kept a song from you before.

"Put my heart on the line so many times, but when I'm with you I know I'll be fine. I'm falling, falling in love with you. Can't stop this feeling I know it's true."

Your eyes go wide as you realize this song is definitely about you. "Oh my God. Shawn..." You laugh to yourself as you begin to tear up. It's catchy and touching and...how dare he.

You finish the song and go to find him out in the crowded ballroom. You make your way through the room full of people and find his spot empty near the front next to Ed and his wife.

"Where is Shawn?" You ask Ed and he points toward the doors you came through saying he got up a few minutes ago.

You turn and double back to see if he's in the bathroom but there is absolutely no one in the halls.

"Honey, what're you doing?" Shawn laughs, and you turn to see him walking out of the green room. "I thought you wanted to chill in the back, I came to see how you were doing."

You walk up to him and he puts his arms around you. "You wrote a song about me."

"Yes I did."

"Everyone is going to know."

Shawn grins and runs his hand up your back. "Yes they will."

"A song!"

"Yes. You inspire me, I couldn't not write something about how I've felt for ages. Teddy helped me make it into something amazing. I'm really excited to release it."

You lay your hand on his cheek and he leans into it. "You're lucky I love you."

He kisses you softly and smiles. "What're you doing later?"

"Going to the after party with you?"

"Yeah, well I heard there's a wedding going on here tomorrow. Maybe the officiator will be around."

"Shawn."

"Maybe I should make you a legal Canadian citizen this time around." He grins and you narrow your eyes at him. "What do you think?"

"I think you're soft."

He slides his hand into yours and brings it up to kiss your joined hands. "It's been almost three and a half months and you haven't taken off my ring."

You flush and look away. "Yeah well...it's nice."

"Mmhmm."

"Okay, yeah...I want to be more than your girlfriend." You smile and look up at him. "I've wanted it for ages, but isn't it a little fast?"

"I don't think building up to this for three years is fast."

"You're right...I've just been thinking about it as the last few months but it has been years hasn't it?" You chuckle and shake your head. "Are you proposing to me then?"

"Yes." He drops down on one knee and reaches into his jacket pocket. "Will you be my wife, my assistant and my best friend?"

"You...have a ring on you?"

"Yeah I...I got it a while back." He looks at the ring and up at you. "I've just been carrying it around and waiting for the right moment to give it to you."

"You're such a sap."

"Yeah but, you already knew that. So, tell me, will you be my everything?"

You slide off Shawn's ring and pick up the ring from its box and slide it over your ring finger. "Yes. Yes I will."

Shawn stands and cups your face, kissing you softly. "I love you."

"I love you too."

The end.

__________________

Thank you so much for reading! Please reblog if you read and if you enjoyed it. 

Shout out to @shawnm521 for help and inspiration with this one, you are seriously the ultimate muse and I couldn’t be more grateful. 

Please let me know what you think, what your favorite parts are and more via ask, reblog, reply or message. Thank you again!

-A

[tabloidtoc]

OK, March 29

You can buy a copy of this issue for your very own at my eBay store: https://www.ebay.com/str/bradentonbooks

Cover: Panic at the Palace -- Queen Elizabeth, Prince Charles, Prince William, Duchess Kate Middleton

Page 1: Big Pic -- Kevin Bacon and Juliette Lewis were among the many artists who put on a performance for Linda Perry's Rock 'N' Relief Live Stream Concert Series, benefitting Sean Penn's CORE Response organization

Page 2: Contents

Page 3: Contents

Page 4: Sparks are flying between Sandra Bullock and Brad Pitt on the set of their new action movie Bullet Train and not just when the cameras are rolling -- their chemistry is through the roof and Sandra lights up whenever she's around Brad and some of the cast and crew could swear they've seen him blushing in her presence -- Brad and Sandra have been hanging out more than your typical costars and they have a lot in common and seem to really enjoy each other's company and they'll frequently spend their breaks socializing and they can often be heard laughing over each other's stories and topics of conversations range from mutual friends and house repairs to more personal stuff, like kids

Page 6: Bruce Willis turned 66 on March 19 and as he celebrates the occasion, he has been reflecting on his life and it's been quite the journey but Bruce looks back at it all with that classic smirk

Page 7: Producers of the Gossip Girl reboot have been begging Blake Lively to join the cast of the new show but she's turned up her nose at the idea -- she's not ungrateful, because the original show made her star, but she closed the book on that part of her life a long time ago -- she's blissfully content in her role as a mom to daughters James, Inez and Betty whom she shares with her husband Ryan Reynolds and being a stay-at-home parent and filming an occasional movie sounds way more appealing to her than returning to that hothouse Gossip Girl universe -- she says she had her show and wants the new team to have theirs, but to die-hard fans, it still feels like a major snub

* After calling it quits on her romance with Ben Affleck in January, Ana de Armas is ready to play the field and Hollywood's heartthrob du jour, Rege-Jean Page has caught her eye and she was over the moon when the Bridgerton hunk recently signed on to her new thriller The Gray, which also stars Ryan Gosling and Chris Evans -- of course, Rege is gorgeous, but Ana also likes that he isn't your typical Tinseltown success story and comes from a rich cultural background, just like she does and she's hoping to get to know him better once they start shooting in L.A. -- while Ana has been warned that won't sit well with Rege's live-in girlfriend, Emily Brown, that doesn't seem to bother Ana

* Janet Jackson's life story is set to get the full documentary treatment next year, and no stone will be left unturned when it comes to her famously dysfunctional family -- the family is freaking out, as well they should be -- Janet will be brutally honest about her late father Joe Jackson, who bullied her and made her feel like she was nothing with out him but her siblings say they had it much worse especially when it came to Michael Jackson, who suffered verbal and physical abuse from Joe throughout his childhood -- Janet, who became a mom at 50 with her businessman ex, Wissam Al Mana, is also ready to tell all about their divorce and custody battle -- doing this documentary has been incredibly cathartic for her and she can't wait to shed light on her family's deep, dark secrets

Page 8: Angelina Jolie has been legally single for two years, and now she's finally ready to mingle -- she's been laying low since her 2016 split from Brad Pitt and she's feels it's time to get out there and she's eager to meet some new and interesting men and the mom of six is open to being hooked up by Hollywood pals like Ellen Pompeo, whom she was seen dining with in Beverly Hills and Angie likes the idea of dating a fellow A-lister who can relate to her about living in the spotlight and Ellen's been helping out with suggestions -- Angie is even open to joining an elite dating service and now the hunt is on to find a suitable bunch of candidates -- she wants fun and adventure again and after months of just being Mom, dressing up, putting on some perfume and engaging in stimulating conversation sounds good to Angie

* It's only been six months since Drew Barrymore launched her chirpy daytime talk show, but behind the scenes, she's on the verge of a major meltdown -- the multitasking mom who shares daughters Olive and Frankie with ex-hubby Will Kopelman, has no idea that juggling work and family would be this hard and she's feeling pressure from every side -- she desperately wants to be there for the kids, but she's trying to make her show a hit, and with her production company, she has a million others things on her plate as well -- the stressed-out star has also been chowing down on junk food and drinking too much caffeine so she can't get more than a few hours of sleep a night -- Drew doesn't want to let anyone down, but if she doesn't dial it back, she's going to collapse from exhaustion

* Matthew Perry announced his engagement to his on-off girlfriend Molly Hurwitz in November, but he seems to be having second thoughts -- he's crazy in love, but he's scared of messing up a good thing by making things official and he also worries what kind of husband he'll make given his health woes and battles with addiction -- Molly has faith in Matthew, but she can see wedding planning is stressing him out, even more so now that the Friends reunion is set to start shooting and he's pushing himself to go through with it, but his doubts are gnawing away at him

Page 10: Red Hot on the Red Carpet -- stars show some skin in dramatic decolletage-baring frocks -- Nicole Richie, Aja Naomi King

Page 11: Kate Hudson, Becky G, Mindy Kaling

Page 12: Who Wore It Better? Kat Graham vs. Nicole Kidman in Erdem, Oliva Wilde vs. Bella Hadid in Ralph Lauren

Page 13: Danielle Bradbery vs. Paula Abdul in Hamel

Page 14: News in Photos -- Machine Gun Kelly and Megan Fox stepped out for dinner in West Hollywood

Page 16: Ariel Winter brightened up her monochromatic look with a pink face mask during a trip to the hair salon in West Hollywood, Justin Theroux went for a walk with his beloved dog Kuma in NYC, Arnold Schwarzenegger was spotted on his daily bike ride in L.A.

Page 17: Susan Sarandon stopped to get her caffeine fix while shopping solo in Soho

Page 18: Lea Michele proved to be quite the doting mother while walking with her son in a stroller in Brooklyn, Lucy Hale and her dog Elvis were inseparable during an outing in L.A., Krysten Ritter took her RadRover electric bicycle out for a spin in L.A.

Page 19: John Stamos and his wife Caitlin McHugh stopped by an antique shop where they purchased a bunch of old goodies in Santa Monica

Page 20: This year, instead of a traditional runway show, Moschino released a 12-minute film featuring Karen Elson, Shalom Harlow and Amber Vallera wearing new styles from the Fall/Winter 2021 line

Page 21: Alessandra Ambrosio caught up with a pal while walking dogs in L.A., David Harbour eating a treat while out and about in NYC, Daisy Ridley stopped by The Graham Norton Show in London

Page 22: Amelia Gray Hamlin and boyfriend Scott Disick caught some rays while vacationing in Miami, Katie Holmes and boyfriend Emilio Vitolo Jr. color-coordinated their gray-and-black outfits for a lunch date in NYC, Rebel Wilson taking a walk around the neighborhood in L.A.

Page 24: While on the set of The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel Rachel Brosnahan shielded herself with a see-through umbrella, a newly brunette Lady Gaga in a white suit as she left her hotel in Rome to film the upcoming Gucci biopic, The Masked Singer panelist Jenny McCarthy gave herself a last-minute touch-up before posing for some promo shots

Page 26: Inside My Home -- Chelsea Handler's sleek setup -- she is checking out of her longtime L.A. home

Page 28: In 2009, LeAnn Rimes made headlines when she was caught hooking up with her costar Eddie Cibrian while they were both married to other people and now, more than a decade later, she is opening up about that time in her life and spilling secrets that she's never shared before -- looking back, LeAnn thinks it's unfair that she got raked over the coals like that and the public shaming caused her to suffer panic attacks and all LeAnn did was fall in love -- of course, there are likely big regrets about the way everything happened, but she and Eddie never meant to hurt anyone and they just had this connection they couldn't walk away from and a few months after their romance was revealed LeAnn parted ways with then-husband Dean Sheremet and Eddie filed for divorce from Brandi Glanville and they wed in 2011 -- while LeAnn has been a great stepmom to Eddie's sons Mason and Jack, she'd love to have a child of her own someday and she and Eddie have tried and tried with no success and now that she's pushing 40, they know time is ticking and they could always go the surrogate route, and they just might do it if it doesn't happen naturally in the next few months

Page 29: Liam Hemsworth has been dating Gabriella Brooks for 15 months, and he's so smitten that he could put a ring on it any day now -- Liam's made it clear that he's ready to walk down the aisle again after calling it quits in longtime love Miley Cyrus in 2019 -- everyone is thrilled because Gabriella is so sweet and easygoing, which is just what Liam needs -- Gabriella has already gotten the stamp of approval from the Hemsworth clan, who had long been skeptical of Miley and when Liam brought Gabriella home, his parents thought, that's more like it -- now that Liam's settled in at his new $5 million spread on Byron Bay, all signs point to him popping the question because he's never been happier

* Shedding post-pregnancy weight is never easy but luckily Katy Perry has a secret weapon to help her get back in shape which is Orlando Bloom -- Katy had already dropped 35 pounds since giving birth to the couple's first child, Daisy Dove, thanks to her fitness-obsessed fiance and Orlando has her eating five small vegan meals a day and he follows the same diet to make it easier for her, and Orlando makes sure she hikes or swims at least five days a week and those are the type for fun activities where he can join her -- Orlando's also her biggest cheerleader: during their recent Hawaiian getaway, Katy was nervous because she felt she hadn't lost enough weight but Orlando told her she was one sexy momma and he really is her biggest supporter

* Despite the pandemic, Nicole Kidman's remained one of the busiest women in Hollywood, which is getting under her stuck-at-home husband's skin -- while Keith Urban was forced to cancel his concert tour last year, Nicole had a whirlwind 2020, shooting her miniseries Nine Perfect Strangers in Australia and her historical thriller The Northman in Northern Ireland back-to-back and it's been incredibly hard on Keith because it drives him crazy not being able to get out there on stage -- Nicole hates seeing him the dumps, but she's told him he's lucky to be able to spend so much time with their daughters Sunday and Faith -- with Nicole set to play comedy legend Lucille Ball in Being the Ricardos, which starts filming this spring, that can only put more stress on the marriage but Nicole has no plans to slow down, and she's not making any apologies

Page 30: Patrick Duffy and Linda Purl went from zero to 60 practically overnight, but their turbo-charged romance appears to be slowing down -- ever since Patrick and Linda reconnected last summer, the late-in-life lovebirds have been joined at the hip at Linda's Colorado home, where things have gotten too close for comfort because Patrick's a laid-back guy, but he hasn't had a moment to himself because Linda is always pushing him to get outdoors and do stuff with her and Patrick feels the need for more space and some along time -- spending every moment together and hanging on each other's every word was fun for a while, but they don't want to lose their independence and they realize they need to bring their relationship back down to earth if they actually want to go the distance

* After nearly five blissful years together, Britney Spears and Sam Asghari are still going strong, and it looks like a baby could be in their near future -- Sam recently sent tongues wagging when he revealed that he wants to take their relationship to the next step and be a young dad and Britney is totally on board because she has always wanted another child and now with Sam raring to go, she figures it's the perfect time -- growing her family would be a welcome distraction from Britney's bitter battle with her father Jamie Spears over her controversial conservatorship

* Love Bites -- Jenni "JWoww" Farley and Zack Carpinello engaged, Morena Baccarin and husband Ben McKenzie welcomed a son named Arthur, Nicolas Cage and Riko Shibata married

Page 32: Cover Story -- Palace in Crisis -- the Royal Family is in disarray following Prince Harry and Meghan Markle's bombshell tell-all -- what really offended them was how much Harry and Meghan said they love Queen Elizabeth in one sentence and attacked the institution, everything she stands for and works for, in the next -- it's going to take a miracle for Harry to reconcile with his family after what he and Meghan revealed

Page 36: Celebrity Hall Passes -- stars reveal the Hollywood crushes their partners have granted as freebies -- Eric Decker gets Jessica Alba and his wife Jessie James Decker gets Post Malone

Page 37: Lisa Vanderpump gets George Clooney, Seth Rogen gets Charlize Theron while his wife Lauren Miller gets Brad Pitt, Mark Consuelos and Kelly Ripa both get Cynthia Bailey

Page 38: Taron Egerton gets Rachel Weisz while his girlfriend Emily Thomas gets Daniel Craig, Kyle Richards wouldn't let her husband Mauricio Umansky near Eva Longoria or Demi Moore but he gets a hall pass for Betty White, Beau Clark gets Bethenny Frankel while wife Stassi Schroeder gets Joaquin Phoenix

Page 40: Interview -- Queen Latifah -- the entertainment icon is having a blast kicking butt in her new TV crime drama The Equalizer

Page 42: The Great Outdoors -- these stars know fresh air and fitness make a killer combo

Page 46: Style Week -- Hailey Bieber has been named global ambassador for Superga's Spring/Summer 2021 season

Page 48: What's Hot Right Now -- lifestyle brand Sporty & Rich just launched chic athleisure pieces to help you look effortlessly cool this season -- Amber Valletta

Page 49: Stylish Shades -- shop Ashley Graham's flattering frames the model's new collection with Quay

Page 50: Chic House Dresses -- trade knits for airy frocks that will make you feel beautiful all through spring -- Whitney Port

Page 52: Girls' Getaway -- planning a safe spring break with a few BFFs? Pack these stylish essentials to easily look fab on the fly -- Rita Ora

Page 54: Entertainment

Page 55: Q&A with Wayne Brady

Page 58: Buzz -- Lady Gaga sent the internet into a frenzy after sharing a behind-the-scenes photo of herself with Adam Driver from the set of their Ridley Scott movie, House of Gucci

Page 60: Sound Bites -- Cardi B on staying away from celebs, Mary Steenburgen on husband Ted Danson, Kate Hudson on her iconic yellow dress from How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days

Page 61: Paul Bettany on his stunt with Tom Hanks in The Da Vinci Code, Jada Pinkett Smith on not focusing on exterior beauty at age 49, Nikki Bella on being intimate with fiance Artem Chigvintsev, Charlize Theron on homeschooling, Julia Garner on her roles of choice

Page 62: Horoscope -- Aries Jessica Chastain turned 44 on March 24

Page 64: By the Numbers -- Paris Hilton

[mashounen2003]

Here is the text of the video, translated into English. Seriously, check out this video, this guy is awesome.

"Conspiracy Theories" by Guille Aquino.

Posted on June 27, 2019.

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Warning: if you're influenceable, you need to watch this.

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Alright, before we start, I want us to welcome and applaud our new friends from the CIA, the FBI, NASA, the former SIDE -today, the AFI-, the KGB, Interpol, and the lazy virgins at the troll centre on Miserere Park, who are surely already watching this video because today we're gonna talk about...

Conspiracy Theories.

We all know some: the humans didn't go to the Moon, the 9/11 was a self-attack by the USA's government, Bin Laden never existed, Walt Disney is frozen, Elvis Presley is alive, the Simpsons predict the future, Marcelo Tinelli went to a famous hospital with a famous object inserted in a famous place on his body, and Dengue and Zika fever were created by Bill Gates who genetically modified mosquitoes to depopulate the Earth because it most likely was easier than making work that "Internet Explorer" bulls*** he sold us. But let's get to the news: in early 2019, YouTube modified its recommendation algorithm to avoid promoting conspiracy theories and false information. And let's stop here because I want us to become aware of the magnitude this matter took on and how this little joke of the conspiracy theories videos completely went to Hell.

Think of it this way: YouTube, the second most trafficked website in the world after Google, with over 30 million visitors per day and over 1.3 billion users -almost a third of all people connected to the Internet in the world-, where 300 hours of videos are uploaded per minute and almost 500 trillion videos are viewed per day, had to change its own recommendation system because all of us were watching too many videos denouncing that Lali Espósito is an Illuminati:

Video excerpt: [with obvious robotic voice] "Also, at the second Number Ten, she covers one of her eyes again, obviously symbolizing the All-Seeing Eye."

And I'm very sorry to tell you that, in today's world, if YouTube has a problem, we all have a problem.

Conspiracy theories are the Internet's new porn. In fact, if you filter the words "conspiracy" and "theories" by the number of views, the most viewed video has 36 million views. THIRTY-SIX! MILLION! VIEWS! That's like putting together the total populations of Belgium, Greece, Cuba and Jamaica, and then lighting a giant reefer to everyone and making them watch this video of people saying the Earth is flat:

Another video excerpt: [Channel 13 interview with Flat-Earthers, recorded in a park in Buenos Aires] "I pour water into this dish... Look, I pour water, and it stays, you see? But we pour water into the globe... and it goes down, people."

Okay, now we're gonna go over some of the most popular conspiracy theories of recent times, and we're gonna try to deconstruct the psychological profile of the average consumer of the conspiranoid world.

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We'll start with everyone's favourite...

The Flat-Earthers.

Excerpt of the second video: "This first meeting began to be announced in the groups I followed on YouTube. (And the tattoo you have there, what is it?) This is the flat Earth, the Sun and the Moon."

The Flat-Earthers basically hold the theory that the Earth is not actually spherical, and they claim Galileo Galilei was an old smoke-seller blabbermouth who often played into the Far-Right's hands, cut his hair in an old-fashioned barbershop and used the 1610 telescope mainly to bed with chicks. And I have nothing personal against the Flat-Earthers but I find it difficult to take them seriously, mostly because much of their scientific hypothesis can be explained with this blooper.

Excerpt of another, different video: "There's an inflatable pool filled with water and with two people in it, a third person suddenly jumps into the water, and the pool deforms and overflows on the other side, as one of the two previously present people also falls over the edge."

(Images from the film "Armageddon".)

The truth is that the "flat Earth" theory has one fundamental premise, and it's the same one that supports 100% of conspiracy theories:

There's a power above us that manages everything.

Governments, lobbies and other de facto powers are capable of lying on a massive scale, just as intelligence services, the New World Order and FlyBondi hostesses do.

Excerpt of the second video: "(And you can't see the curvature of the Earth from the plane.) Uh... I travelled by plane to Bariloche, and no, I didn't see it. There's some aircraft glass with a small magnification or something that changes your perspective, due to the thickness of the window, and because aircraft glass also has something."

Alright, stop, let's not turn this into "Point at the crazy assholes and laugh" either, right? Well, yes, a little- But we go beyond that! We're better than that!

Why do so many people choose to believe we're puppets of an evil system? One might say that, in the absence of a sense of real control over our own lives and in the face of the desolation of living in a seemingly random, chaotic world, believing there's an external force exerting control is, to some extent, comforting. Yes, phone the Vatican.

And according to a certain old white upper-middle-class snob who teaches at Harvard University, conspiracy theorists share several or at least one of the following features: they're paranoid, radical, extremist in their opinions; they aspire to a feeling of superiority, and basically, they feel special for possessing information that exceeds the common citizen. Yeah, it's like the row for an indie film festival.

Umberto Eco even said:

"The control syndrome invades us. When someone claims to have a secret, their strength is not in hiding something but in making people think there's even a secret in the first place."

And I didn't understand a f*** because I've never read a book in my life, but it sounds ultra-mega-hyper cool. I dare you to deny it!

So who would be the most likely to believe in these kinds of theories? People who had bad experiences in life, people in search of an answer that would rescue them from a deep existential crisis, and the most important: people in search of a place of belonging.

Excerpt of the second video: "Well, no, this opened a door for me to start thinking more, to question things, about a supposed alien invasion."

Wait, stop right there. Excuse me, but if I'm an alien and I have the power to cross the universe in a spaceship, with my own army and the ability to colonize a celestial body, I don't even waste my time invading a paper-thin planet. Give me a round planet or give me death!

And that's when the contradiction comes into play. Because if you believe in one conspiracy theory, you immediately start to believe in all of them. It's like the weed. Even the refutation of a plot fits within the plot itself: for example, if you believe Lady Diana was killed by the British Crown, you're also prone to believe Lady Diana is actually still alive.

(Woah, Mind Blown... She was totally killed anyway, sorry.)

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Good, let's move on to the next one:

The Anti-Vaccination movement.

Okay, here we come to a key point, since clearly there are the "harmless" conspiracy theories and the... rather dangerous ones. We've all heard someone say vaccines may cause autism in kids. Now, I'm clearly a specialist in absolutely nothing, and I ain't gonna explain why you guys have to vaccinate your children, so I better recommend to you the websites of any Ministry of Health or Wikipedia, so that you later visit them and find out how very important it is to inject legal drugs to your sweet little angels. And it's not to detract from any position or to err on the side of bigotry, but if you're an anti-vax and your baby coughs next to me, I swear I'll kick their head off.

(Tack! That bag of germs...)

And after all, that's why we invented Democracy!

(Ha, of course not, but...)

In fact, I dunno who gives a f*** about this but maybe someone will find it useful: I follow a pretty simple method when it comes to ideologically locating myself regarding any issue. And this is:

Always do the opposite of whatever Gisela Barreto says.

Gisela Barreto: [speaks with a flag in the background] "Vaccines show up, and they show them to us as something that heals us. Actually, they're part of our death."

(Seriously, she came this close to being in the Avengers.)

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Okay, and now let's move on to one that touches us all closely (at least here, in my country):

Hitler in Argentina.

It's the conspiracy theory ensuring that, after losing World War II, the Nazi leader, the most disgusting dictator and genocide in Human History, came to live incognito in our country. And I ask myself: what the heck did we need to shelter Hitler for? The birth of Alejandro Biondini, who's pretty much our local version of Nazism, was imminent:

Interview with Biondini in 1991 by Mariano Grondona in his program "Key Time":

Grondona: "Would you condemn Adolf Hitler?"

Biondini: "No, we vindicate Adolf Hitler."

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Okay, question: is it possible to keep a secret on such a large scale for so many years? Well, the Math says no. Seriously! I've read that a physicist at the Oxford University (Where else?) took the "humans didn't go to the Moon" theory, and then this guy created a mathematical calculation based on the number of conspirators involved, the time elapsed since the conspiracy, and the inherent possibility that a plot would fail.

For example, in the case of Apollo 11, 411 thousand NASA employees were involved, and according to the variables this physicist analyzed, the lie should have been known in less than four years; half a century passed, and no employee denied the mission. What does this tell us? Well... they were threatened and killed off, of course! It's obvious! [imitating Mirtha Legrand] Stanley Kubrick was not in the coffin! Nobody saw him. Nobody saw him!

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Gimme more!

Famous people who are actually dead.

For example, Paul McCartney. On the cover of the album "Abbey Road", he's barefoot; a clear subliminal message that the real one died and was replaced with a stand-in. (Why?!) It sounds silly, but the rumour got so big that McCartney himself had to go out and publicly deny it... Although come to think of it, he also came out to congratulate the butchers who named their butcher shop "Paul Mac Carne" ["Paul McMeat"], so maybe he's truly a stand-in and, to top it off, looks like a raisin.

Excerpt of another video: "Well, thinking of different names, someone said "Paul Mac Carne". And well, he, being a vegetarian, says the idea was very good, started laughing and sent us a greeting."

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I love this one:

The Reptilians.

It's basically the theory that there's a race of amphibian aliens [Wait for a second: aren't they called "reptilians"?] living among us for centuries and hiding their reptilian features behind human faces.

(Oh, you were telling me they're not actually aliens because they were born here?)

Excerpt of the 1996 movie "Mars Attacks!".

And who discovered this? David Icke! Or "Ique". An unsuccessful former soccer player and sportscaster. (How can you be unsuccessful as a soccer sportscaster?! All you need is a suit!) It's like believing in a religion where your Pope is Diego Latorre.

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Now, I know what you're thinking: after all, how dangerous can all this get? I mean, no conspiracy theory has someone popular to represent it, no spokesperson of ridiculous and implausible plots has reached a truly important position in today's world.

Bah... There's actually only one.

The President of the United States of America.

That's right! Donald Trump, once the leader of the most powerful country in the world, had come to power mostly by throwing out fake news and conspiracy theories. And here are some:

Barack Obama is an immigrant.

Trump: "And I just say: why doesn't he show his birth certificate?"

Global warming is a myth.

Trump: "Obama is saying all of this has to do with global warming and I say all that is a hoax..."

Gisela Barreto was right.

Trump: "At two and a half years old, the baby, the beautiful baby, went to get the vaccine. Now he's autistic."

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Okay, then... Conspiracy theories. For what? Well, in the case of Trump: influence on public opinion and accumulation of power. In the case of people who upload videos to YouTube... What do you think? A profitable, monetizable business! In fact, there's the conspiracy theory that we're actually making this video about conspiracy theories in order to have lots of views and earn buttloads of cash. (We'd never do that!)

And finally, a much deeper, inherent aspect of the human condition:

The need to believe in something.

The world is divided into two types of people: some think everything happens for a reason, everything is a sign, and perhaps there's also a magical entity organizing things for us; the other half of the people think we live in a desolate world without meaning or messages, there are only atoms randomly colliding with each other, and the Universe gives no f***s about us. Which of these two groups seems happier to you? Which one do you belong to? Which one would you like to belong to? I choose to join the conspiranoids! And listen to this, I know exactly what's going on:

The New World Order organized the Lollapalooza at the request of the Illuminati, who wanted to marketingly manage Lali Espósito, who actually wears a mask and underneath is "La Mona" Giménez, who's not actually a monkey but a reptile and has drank all the wine to get immunized against the vaccines at the request of Gisela Barreto, who was born in Corrientes just like Barack Obama, who claimed to have killed Bin Laden, who's actually alive and was driving the car that crashed that night and carried Chano Charpentier, who taught driving to Lady Diana, who was actually Mexican and was assassinated by Donald Trump, who was matched on Tinder with Hitler, who lives in a nursing home in Recoleta and has glaucoma, so he's hitting the reefers with Biondini, who is actually a hippie and a fan of León Gieco, invented global warming and, when being in a bad mood, takes a bus and goes to dinner at "Paul Mac Carne", where they invented the extra-thin Provoleta cheese, which coincidentally has the same shape as the Earth, which is actually flat!

*sigh* Knowledge is power. Quiero creer.

Soundtrack: State Anthem of the Soviet Union.

[duallygirl178]

Dearest O'Malley Chapter 11

Chapter 11

I was soon starting to feel under the weather myself after Joe passed away. I felt weak from being under nitrus for 3 months, just like Jim; Nathan's instructor said. I began to get sick too just like that. Nathan tried to get me running again and grew frustrated. I felt my timing points were off just a little bit and I had to sit for almost 2 months that summer and I dreaded feeling sick for a while. All I could do was rest and as I was napping that afternoon, I had a dream about my father. In my dream, I was a young boy and playing a prank on him. I had sneaked quietly into my father's room and tip-toed to the bed where my dad was sleeping. Then, I tipped the mattress fell on top of him while he was in it. My dad was yelling and swearing in fury, but in the background, I could hear my mother laughing herself silly. My father squirmed effortlessly to get up as he fought through the covers. Once he was out of the cover twists and turns, he pops up trying to breathe and then that's when his face turned angry. He was just as angry as a yellow jacket wasp. He hollered out "Who flipped over my mattress? Whoever did this, better know that I'm out for you, I'm coming! Ya hear! you broke my chassis and my rear view mirror done broke!" I was laughing as my mother came up behind me chuckling as if no one cared. Dad yelled and yelled at my mother that she was in trouble. He yelled as us kids and mother didn't let him get away with it. She yelled at him with the most uncomfortable and longest sentence of swearing I've ever heard. All of us except for me, would start copying mom on her swearing in the background.

I suddenly woke up with a jerk and started to think to myself; 'Did that really happen?'. I remembered my dad was always fussing that he broke something  when it wasn't fatal or when it was minor. If he bumped something on an object, he'd make a big scene out of it all. It was embarrassing! I liked to compare my father's personality with the parent from the TV show, "Life of Louie". He was a difficult, caring, comical, and downright paranoid father. After 10 minutes, I already forgot about my dream. I checked the time. It was late in the evening around 6 o'clock and I was beginning to get sweaty from the heat.

That mid-July, Joe fell and hurt his head. He had to go to the hospital in Farmington New Mexico. Carol, his wife couldn't bare to live without him. She was in her chair when it happened because she could barely get around. Then the night Joe was in the hospital, she got depressed and started to be loopy. She was seeing things that weren't there and she called the police because she would imagine that children were trying to steal her medication. Carol; Nathan's grandmother, called the house phone at 1010 late and there was all this commotion that really wasn't necessary. Carol was paranoid the whole time Joe was in the hospital and when Joe was transported to the hospital that was located in Albuquerque that July, she was going downhill fast. Sadly, Joe passed away a few days later. Jan, Nathan, and Natalie all had to pitch in each of their time to help with Carol that included changing her diaper, feeding her, bathing her, and changing her gowns. The care went on for a few more months after she got out of the hospital from an infection. It took several weeks to get Carol out of there, but she was doing fine when she was transported to Good Sams in Aztec. Good Sams was a place where old folks could recover from the hospital, be socialized with others and live there. It was really nice. Carol was doing fine and couldn't wait to be home again. While Carol was at Good Sams, I got bored that day. I headed inside the empty house. It felt cold and drafty because no one was here except for me, Ol' Reliable, and the van. I went into the spare room to go sort out some VHS tapes. I looked under the twin bed and found the box of VHS tapes that was stuffed under there. I pulled them out, took them out to the living room, set the VHS player up to the TV, turned it on and watched. There. On the tape was me. I was a lot younger then...possibly about 13 years old. The camera focused in on my dad. He  was putting an old stack of newspapers in boxes ready to shred up in his electric shredder and was listening to a matching song too. He was listening to "Rip it up" in the Bill Haley & His Comets version. I turned the camera on a pipe hose connected to an exhaust pipe to a truck that lead to the window of a room. I was going to have a neighbor floor the gas pedal to release dirty diesel exhaust smoke and fumes through the pipes to smoke my dad out of the room he was in to shred the newspapers. I was fed up of him saying "I'm busy, son" and "Go play outside son." a lot to me. The camera focused on me after it showed footage of what I did and how I was explaining it. As it focused on me, I had this revengeful look in my eyes and said "I'm going to get you, dad" then I was laughing my deep hissing laugh that was weird. I focused my eyes on my neighbor and said "Okay Dan. Move em' out" Then, my neighbor revved up his engine and black smoke flowed through the hose and into the window that I lodged in. Quickly, the room flooded up with black smoke and out came my dad like a raging bull. I could hear him coughing his wheezy cough as smoke poured out like water from a faucet. My dad was covered in a black soot coat and had a death stare in his eyes. He was furious and said "When I breathe, I'mma kill you, boy" but I just laughed my stupid laugh. It was hilarious to watch my dad burst out of the house like if it was on fire and covered in soot.

I had forgotten how funny it was when I recorded my dad being angry with me because I pulled a prank on him and filmed it all on video cassette. My dad looked 50 years younger on this one and his owners had him 8 years with him still running. He was still an errand car till this day.

Next, I viewed another tape dated May 13, 1981 and I couldn't remember what was filmed on the tape. I ejected the tape out, placed it on the living room table and slid the second tape in. I watched and waited to see what came up. I could see it was something to do with my first dance at an Elk's Lodge and I was on a stage singing my first number. Then, it struck me. My father came to see me with my talent aboard to perform at the prom that I volunteered and signed up for at the high school.

I was singing a tune I had selected from my dad's records to show off. I looked dashing with new primer and cloud-white paint up on the stage. I was rocking it out to 'Jailhouse Rock' by Elvis Persley himself for a moment. And just when it was about to get boring, I performed "At the hop" by Danny and the Juniors and that's when everyone got crazy for rock n' roll. You could see square dancing and hooting from the crowd. Everyone was having fun and rocking it out. Then I remembered I was the Disk Jockey singer before people started to use re-mixer equipment and electric bits on their buttons. I remembered as I was viewing this tape I had sung a few more Elvis Persley songs such as "Don't be cruel" and "King of the whole wide world". I remember singing a few more songs by Little Richard too like "Tutti Frutti", "Rip it up", "Long Tall Sally" and "Jenny, Jenny".

Gonzo was even there too watching me with a random band that I had known for only a day that was playing the notes behind me. One of them was a Chevy Impala, two of them were Dodge Cornets, the other one was a GTX that was handling the music key grip. The tape was full of memories and outdid myself. In the tape: I was making my way off the stage when I was all done. The rules were; I had to pick and sing six songs. After my turn was over, they needed to let the next contestant have a turn. I enjoyed the rest of the night dancing with the crowd. I could see Impa and Gonzo in the back of the room. I had weaved through the crowd to come get them so we could party. Impa was in his best dressed and Gonzo was fixed up as if Elvis Persley dressed him up himself and said 'Okay, have a good time. don't get drunk on Greyhounds now' Greyhounds were a type of alcoholic drink that was from the 1960s. It was a tangy grapefruit like drink that wasn't made from any orange juice. We were giving Gonzo a little bit of guff about how he was all fixed up in his duds for a few minutes. Then we boogied until we turned purple to all the great songs and then some with the crowd. It was all fun until I accidentally bumped into a 1968 Plymouth Fury. Right away, I apologized and got her some first-aid care. She told me I was very generous and rare for a gentleman to say anything sorry to. Most men bump into her and not even say their sorry. I had responsibility unlike those jerks she was talking about that she may had encountered.

The tape ended and I ejected it out of the player after rewinding it. I looked at more titles that looked tempting to recall back upon.

I had a lot of fun watching all the VHS  tapes that my dad recorded on. Not many of them had Impa and Gonzo on them, but I sure missed him. I knew I got to remember all the things we three boys did together when he was still alive. It was good to see him on the tapes. As I viewed more of the tapes, I was even more taken back to see Gonzo, Impa and I singing at a stage that a bar had around. It was hazy and smoky from all the customers smoking pot and drunks that were bored out of their motors, twisting their beer bottles off the tables as they were getting high on hash. The smoke was making us three high, tired and sound like the California Raisins during our song we were performing. I remembered after that, we were so exposed that we were driving high. We didn't get caught by any police officers and we reached home alright.

[raganandhersurveys]

3/1/21~5000 question survey 1-100 {CXV}

I started this about 2 years ago and never finished so I’m going to restart and see how far I can get. I’d love to get it done before the end of the year but I am definitely not holding myself to that statement haha. Here we go pt. 2 

(also shoutout to @lovemesomesurveys for doing this so i could get the questions from one source. Thanks girl! <3!!

1. Who are you?

~my name is ragan

2. What are the 3 most important things everyone should know about you?

1. I am very outgoing and fun loving 

2. I have a big heart but am not afraid to speak my mind

3. I hope I can one day pursue a career in fashion

3. When you aren't filling out 5,000 question surveys like this one what are you doing? 

~hanging out with my friends, doing hw, eating, or talking to my bf haha

4. List your classes in school from the ones you like the most to the ones you like the least (or if you are out of school, think of the classes you did like and didn't like at the time). 

~choir, drama appreciation, geology, american gov. 

5. What is your biggest goal for this year? 

~to begin to plan out “big girl things” in my life. i’ll be a freshman in college in the fall and i really wanna feel confident about my future(if that’s possible) so saving money, getting a real job, looking into new opportunities, etc. (if you have any advice, plz send my way haha:))

6. Where do you want to be in 5 years? 

~to feel a little secure in my job or career pathway, or at least have a plan

7. What stage of life are you in right now? 

~the ending of my teenage years :(

8. Are you more child-like or childish? 

~neither honestly 

9. What is the last thing you said out loud? 

~i was singing along to a song haha

10. What song comes closest to how you feel about your life right now? 

~8teen by khalid haha

11. Have you ever taken martial arts classes? 

~nope

12. Does your life tend to get better or worse or does it just stay the same? 

~it’s honestly one big rollercoaster. i have my good days and bad days but i try to keep a positive mindset:)

13. Does time really heal all wounds? 

~it doesn’t necessarily heal it but it does help it some

14. How do you handle a rainy day? 

~usually stay inside or take a nap. if it rains for a long period of time i tend to get a headache so i usually take a nap haha

15. Which is worse...losing your luggage or having to sort out tangled holiday lights?

~losing luggage for sure 

16. How is your relationship with your parents? 

~pretty good. my dad and i are super close. my mom and i have our moments but i love her

Will you miss them when they are gone? 

~are you kidding?!?! i don’t know how i’ll recover from losing them tbh

17. Do you tend to be aware of what is going on around you? 

~for the most part yes; i’m pretty good at reading the room

18. What is the truest thing that you know? 

~God.

19. What did you want to be when you grew up? 

~gosh so many different things; teacher, pharmacist, reporter, author, family therapist, actress 

20. Have you ever been given a second chance? 

~yep

21. Are you more of a giver or a taker? 

~both tbh

22. Do you make your decisions with an open heart/mind?

~definitely 

23. What is the most physically painful thing that has ever happened to you? 

~i had to go to the hospital one time because my stomach was hurting so bad I thought i was gonna die. i don’t think anything except child birth could beat that

24. What is the most emotionally painful thing that has ever happened to you? 

~some things my mom has said to me

25. Who have you hugged today? 

~honestly no one :(

26. Who has done something today to show they care about you? 

~i can’t think of anything but i’m sure there was something 

27. Do you have a lot to learn? 

~for sure. i don’t think we should ever stop

28. If you could learn how to do three things just by wishing and not by working what would they be?

~how to start my own clothing brand, how to make straight a’s, and to cook perfectly

 29. Which do you remember the longest: what other people say, what other people do or how other people make you feel? 

~how they make me feel fo sure 

30. What are the key ingredients to having a good relationship? 

~communication, loyalty, passion, 

31. What 3 things do you want to do before you die? 

~have a successful job, find the love of my life, and travel the world 

 32. What three things would you want to die to avoid doing? 

~having to get divorced, letting down my future children, and emotionally traumatizing someone 

33. Is there a cause you believe in more than any other cause? 

~not a cause, but i’m a christain and that’s the truest thing in my life 

34. What does each decade make you think of:

The 19.. 

 20's: flapper dancers and the roaring 20s

 30's: the great depression and poverty

 40's: world war II and classic movies

50's: sock hops and diners

 60's: iconic fashion and audrey hepburn

 70's: my dad and classic rock

 80's: the breakfast club and how much i wished i grew up then ahahah

 90's: rnb and friends

 2000 (so far): brittany spears and my early childhood

 2010's: middle school and social media 

 35. Which decade do you feel the most special connection to and why?

~the 80s because i’ve always felt like that was the decade for me. that’s when my mom grew up and i envy her so much for growing up then. but also the 2000s because that was my early childhood and its crazy to think i’ll never get those days back 

36. What is your favorite oldie/classic rock song? 

~stairway to heaven: led zeppelin

37. What country do you live in and who is the leader of that country? 

~the usa and president biden 

If you could say any sentence to the current leader of your country what would it be?

~you good homie?

38. What's your favorite TV channel to watch in the middle of the night? 

~i rarely watch live tv

39. What Disney villain are you the most like and why? 

~bahah probs ursula because if i knew ariel could sing like that, i’d steal her voice too

40. Have you ever been a girl scout/boy scout? 

~no

41. If you were traveling to another continent would you rather fly or take a boat? 

~neither but a boat in the middle of the ocean during a storm would be terrifying 

42. Why is the sky blue during the day and black at night? 

~the sun?

43. What does your name mean? 

~i just looked it up and apparently it means noble LMFAO

44. Would you rather explore the deeps of the ocean or outer space? 

~neither. both of those sound like a bad idea 

45. Word association What is the first word that comes to mind when you see the word:

Air: traffic

Meat: steak

Different: breed

Pink: drink

Deserve: freedom

White: elephant 

Elvis: graceland

Magic: treehouse

Heart: pump

Clash: boom

Pulp: fiction

46. If you could meet any person in the world who is dead who would you want it to be? 

~audrey hepburn 100%

47. What if you could meet anyone who is alive? 

~jimmy garoppolo ;))

48. Is there a movie that you love so much you could watch it everyday?

~not everyday but i’m always down for a lotr/hobbit marathon

49. You are going to be stuck alone in an elevator for a week. What do you bring to do? 

~a phone with some kind of wifi box so i can gtfo lmao

 50. Have you ever saved someone's life or had your life saved?

~uhhhh not that i can think of 

51. Make up a definition for the following silly words... 

 Fruitgoogle: a website you can search up fruits with

 Ambytime: free time

 Asscactus: an annoying person

 52. What was the last thing you made with your own hands?

~this little gift bag for my mom’s students 

53. What was your favorite toy as a child? 

~american girl dolls omfg 

54. How many TV’s are in your house? 

~3

55. What is your favorite thing to do outside? 

~swimming or just being at the beach

56. How do you feel when you see a rainbow? 

~awwwwww

57. Have you ever dreamt a dream that came true? 

~i have dreamed about people and then met them which is a super weird experience 

58. Have you ever been to a psychic/tarot reader? 

~no

59. What is your idea of paradise?

~i think it would be a couple of different places or themes because i love to see the beauty in a lot of different ideas

60. Do you believe in god and if so what is he/she/it like? 

~absolutely. He’s just and loving 

61. Do you believe in Hell? 

~yes

62. What one thing have you done that most people haven't? 

~i honestly cannot think of anything 

63. What is the kindest thing you have ever done?

~i’ve done some volunteer stuff for other people so ig something like that 

64. Are you a patient person? 

~i try to be 

65. What holiday should exist but doesn't? 

~free shopping day where only i can shop for free :))))))

66. What holiday shouldn't exist but does?

~i love all the holidays 

67. What's the best joke you ever heard? 

~apparently none because i can’t think of one

68. Where is the most fun place you have EVER been? 

~southpoint mall in charlotte. it was shopper’s heaven 

69. Is your hair natural or dyed? 

~all natural .

70. Do you have any deep dark secrets or are you pretty much up front? 

~none that are interesting 

71. What is under your bed right now? 

~dust and stuff from my childhood

72. If you were in the Land of Oz would you want to live there or go home? 

~gtfo bahaha

73. If you drive do you frequently speed? 

~always

74. What is the world's best song to dance to? 

~depends on what kind of dancing. any 2000s club song is an absolute banger 

75. What song was on the last time you danced with someone?

~some tik tok sound. just a gen z kid here :)

76. Do you prefer Disney or Warner Brothers? 

~probs disney 

77. What is the first animal you would run to see if you went to the zoo? 

~otters or tigers 

78. Would you consider yourself to be romantic?

~if i’m crazy about you, absolutely. .

79. If the earth stopped rotating would we all fly off? 

~ig lol

80. What is the one thing that you love to do so much that you would make sacrifices to be able to do it? 

~travel all over 

81. If you (and everyone) had to lose one right or freedom, but you could pick which one everyone had to lose, what would you pick? 

~i’m sorry that’s too stressful lol

82. If you had to choose would you live on the equator or at the North Pole? ~equator. i hate the cold 

83. Would you rather give up listening to music or watching television?

~tv. i can’t live w/o music

84. What do you think makes someone a hero? 

~being selfless 

85. What cartoon would you like to be a character in? 

~powderpuff girls 100%

86. Name one thing that turns your stomach:

~rats

87. What was the last thing you paid for? 

~clothes from shein

88. Are you a coupon clipper?

~nah

89. Get anything good in the mail recently? 

~not super recently 

90. Which would you rather take as a gym class...dancing, sailing, karate, or bowling? 

~dancing 

91. In Star Trek people 'beam' back and forth between different places. What this means is they stand in a little tube and their molecules are deconstructed and sent to another tube somewhere else where they are reassembled. Only problem is when the molecules are deconstructed the person is dead. When they are put back together it is only a clone that has all the dead person's memories. So... Is the person who gets beamed the same person on both ends? 

~no because the real person died, so it’s a clone but not the original

92. What insects are you afraid of? 

~roaches and wasps

93. If you could print any phrase on a T-shirt, what would it say? 

~”she stressin’ over her wardrobe” 

94. What's the most eccentric thing you have ever worn? 

~i have these huuuuge tiger earrings that are freaking extra. i wore them with green corduroy flair pants and a brown stripped shirt and literally looked like the 70s threw up on me hahah

95. If you could pick one food that you could eat all you wanted but it would have no effect on how much you weigh, what food would it be? 

~chick fil a

96. What are your parents interested in? 

~my mom loves 70s tv shows and christmas lol and my dad likes classic rock and anything to do with christianity

97. Have you ever caught an insect and kept it as a pet?

~we used to catch lightning bugs in a jar when i was little and put them in a jar.

98. What is more helpful to you, wishes or plans?

~uhhh plans....lol

99. When do you feel your life energy the strongest? 

~when i’m hanging out with friends or at a high energy place like an amusement park or concert

100. You are spending the night alone in the woods and may bring only 3 items with you. What do you bring?

~water, a flashlight, and something for protection like a gun

[curious-minx]

October 2010s Music Deep Dive!

A mock up poster for the only possible music festival line-up I would be willing to risk my life attending. Tony Allen’s passing has caused the entire Octoberfest to be cancelled indefinitely, but all proceeds from ticks will be given back to the community. 

Hope all of you special nobodies and overblown somebodies reading this right now are having a smashing start your first o November. All last month I had taken it upon myself to listen to as many albums and fragments of albums released sometime during the month of October spanning the entire 10’s decade, 2010 through 2019. This is all probably a result of drinking too much dead water, Quarantine brain, undiagnosed Autism, magical thinking and the death of boredom. I have created a Spotify playlist sporting 25 hours and 4 minutes worth of music with an arbitrary amount of albums getting multiple songs, but largely one song/album. This project did create a sense of madness because of the volume of music that gets cranked out. How can we expect anyone to properly criticize music when it is nearly impossible to keep up with it all? I largely culled these albums from Allmusic’s Editorial Choice section, but I did have to use Rateyourmusic to fill out the hip-hop and R&B gaps. In gathering up all of this music I am attempting to see if spooky music was relegated to the October season and any other possible trends. Even though October has been laid to rest her swelling calendar breast still contains a treasure trove of music worth discussing. Grab your broom, sharpen your heels and get the cobwebs out of your ears because we’re going on a Deep Dive! 

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The 2010s Old Souls and Musical Auteurs 

I consider any musician or band that endures more than a decade worthy of this veteran label. Music biz lifers seem found solace in the October release schedule. A trend that has carried onto the new decade with October 2020 offering revitalized releases by Elvis Costello and Bruce Springsteen reunited with the E Street Band. All three main members of Sonic Youth, Moore, Gordon and Renaldo are still harnessing that spooky Bad Moon Rising energy and carrying it over into their solo releases. 

KIM GORDON’s NO RECORD HOME

The first truly proper solo album by Kim Gordon following up her pretty good noise rock releases under the Body/Head moniker with Bill Nace. No Record Home towers over Thurston Moore and Lee Renaldo’s mostly okay solo releases because of how truly experimental and refreshingly modern sounding No Record Home is. This album sounds like it could easily have come out from a young Pacific Northwest Trip-Angle (RIP) label upstart. Instead, Gordon is defiantly aging gracefully and remains an all around important feminist voice in experimental rock music. No Record Home did not pop up on a lot of “Best of the Year” lists in 2019, nor did Gordon embark on any kind of touring for the release. I am hoping that more people will eventually discover this great album and realize that Gordon was truly the best, most truly experimental aspect of Sonic Youth. Her vocals on this album are the best she’s ever sounded because she built these songs and sounds with the intergral collaborator, producer Justin Raisen. A glimpse at Raisen’s Wikipedia page is a who’s who of great artists of the past decade: Yves Tumor, Charli XCX, and Sky Ferreira. The collaboration occurred at an AirBnB shared between Gordon and Raisen and birthed the first single of the project “Air BnB.” A song that completely sets the tone of the album and features one of those amazing music videos in the same line us Young Thug’s “Wyclef Jean. “

Björk - Biophilia

Can you name the last album the rolled out with its own app? Nine years have come and gone and I certainly can’t think of another album with such wholesome ambitions. Björk was getting passionate about ecological concerns in her native Icelandic home with Sigur Ros and using her sphere of influence to try to good. 2014 the app has found a permanent home in the MOMA, but outside of this curio status the album itself is still a worthwhile addition to the Björk canon. Biophilia finds Björk in musical scientist mode using sounds captured from a Tesla coil and making a whole musical universe onto herself. The rest of the 2010s found Björk going for bigger and more ambitious projects that continue to frustrate those who wish she would go back to her poppier roots. She remains one of those most consistent solo artists around and someone no one will be able to predict what she does next. The only thing is certain is that it will be visionary and will probably include a wildly ambitious rollout and a new piece of physical art like Biophilia’s $800 tuning forks.

NENEH CHERRY - BROKEN POLITICS

Featuring production duties for the second time from Four Tet (who also pops up in the October playlist with his 2013 album Beautiful Rewind). Broken Politics in Cherry’s words, “is about feeling broken, disappointed, and sad, but having perseverance. It’s a fight against the extinction of free thought and spirit.” The music video for single “Natural Skin Deep” was filmed in Beirut, a backdrop made even more painful given 2020’s Explosion. Cherry is an artist with deep spiritual and blood connections with artists central to jazz’s history. Broken Politics also features songs built around Ornette Coleman samples. This is all to say that Neneh Cherry is always going to be someone tapping into a creative cosmic vein that spans generations, and with that comes a hard wisdom. Two years later we’re still dealing with the same god damn guts and guns of history. 

OTHER NOTABLES:

(Cat Power - The Wanderer; John Cale - Shifty Adventures in Nookie Wood; Tony Allen - Film of Life ; Neil Young & Crazy Horse - Psychedelic Pill ;Bryan Ferry - Olympia; Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds - Ghosteen ;Yoko Ono - Warzone; Vashti Bunyan - Heartleap; Elvis Costello & The Imposters - Look Now; The Chills - Silver Bullets; Weezer - Everything Will Be Alright In The End;Laurie Anderson - Heart of A Dog;Janet Jackson - Unbrekable;The Mercury Rev - Light In You;  Rocketship - Thanks To You; Van Dyke Parks & Gaby Moreno - Spangled; Donald Fagen - Sunken Condos; Prefab Sprout - Crimson Red; Pere Ubu - 20 Years in a Montana Missile Silo; Negativland - True False )

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TRILOGY OF BLACKSTARS

Three last albums released by three titans of 20th century songwriting. Two of them follow the trajectory of an older artist getting rejuvenated by a younger backing band. Lulu is beyond a meme at this point and is considered one of the most confounding flops since Metallic Music. Like Metallic Music, Lulu will get a reappraisal and find its audience. Mr. Blackstar himself Bowie considered  Lulu one of his favorite releases. “Junior Dad” alone makes this album a worthy addition in Lou Reed’s discography. Scott Walker invited some similarly hairy and intense younger rock studs into his private castle and pulls off a far more natural combination. Soused fits like a velvet glove on a elegant corpse hand swirling thick slabs of guitar and demonic percussion. Scott Walker effortlessly orchestrates between elegance and moribundity whereas Lulu wallows and thrashes against  the ugly riffage. 

No riffs or oozing wall of sound are  anywhere to be found on the sparse and pointedly elegiac You Want it Darker. Leonard Cohen never went full on sleazy I’m Your Man ever again but he didn’t become adult contemporary either. You Want It Darker finds Leonard and his son Adam Cohen. When Leonard passed away he was the only one to get a full David Bowie like museum tribute, Lou Reed only got a corner of a library. Cohen is far and away the most accessible mystical Jewish Buddhist monk with a penchant for fedoras and having a masked man with a leather belt beat him in the recording booth [citation needed]. You Want It Darker is the only one of these mortality laden kiss offs to win a Grammy. I do wonder if Cohen would have ever allowed a more adventurous production to touch his staid and timeless old fashioned sound. Tom Scharpling divides Leonard Cohen into his Pre-Fedora and Post-Fedora days. If you are being literal about that demarcation that still gives you a pretty vast body of music I just want sad bloated blurry black and white Leonard Cohen with a banana or the smiling cad on Songs of Love and Hate. Even the floppy fedora era has worthwhile albums and he sounds like if Serge Gainsbourgh was a muppet Gargoyle, he’s reliable. I will always beat myself for not buying that official Leonard Cohen raincoat at the Jewish Museum Leonard Cohen exhibit, but I hope someone has and they are finding comfort with Cohen’s music. A lot of his latter day period is comforting in a sardonic sexy mind bending nursing home sort of way. 

I am glad that these men were ultimately spared from having to deal with Covid times and even someone as tasteless as Brian Wilson’s Ghost can acknowledge that it’s more important than ever to keep your elderly loved ones locked away in a well ventilated pod. 

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(INSERT ARTIST HERE) SEASON

For a few sticky sweet select few artists the month of October proved to be a suitable release launch pad for more than one album. The Mountain Goats and clipping. have just joined the October two-timer club this year. The reigning queen of October releases is Taylor Swift and Adrianne Lenker. In chronological order swift released Speak Now, Red and 1989 probably Swift’s biggest run in terms of critical and commercial success. None of these albums have a particularly big place in my heart, in fact speaking on behalf of Brian Wilson’s Ghost Ltd. I’m not the biggest fan of America’s Sweetheart, Sweet Tea Poet Laureate.  All three of these albums all came out in the latter part of October and based on the Target brand synergy roll-out felt as inevitable as pumpkin spice. Haunted. Sad Beautiful Tragic. Out of the Woods. These are either song titles taken from these three albums are the names of the under utilized Romantic Halloween Horror Comedy genre. Lady Gaga might have been spooking it up on American Horror Story, but Swift gives a far more chilling performance in Tom Hooper’s midnight madness of Cats and I could envision Swift excelling really well as a horror film actor. Especially in a role like Scarlett Johansson’s Under the Skin. 

You cannot get more polar opposite from Swift than Adrianne Lenker. Who released her first solo album abysskiss   and the second Big Thief album of 2019 Two Hands. Lenker will have also gone on to make her third October release this year with her second solo album songs & instrumentals. Striking that such a ghostly autumnal band would have only released one album in October, but autumnal feeling albums are not beholden to release calendars. The song “Not” from the Big Thief album Two Hands is a watershed breakthrough moment for the band and put Lenker and her band on the map. In 2019 Big Thief became a band that could get booked onto a Goodmorning American performance slot and more or less made Big Thief one of the rare 2010s indie bands to become more or less a household name. 

Other notable artists to have released more than one album on October 2010s:

Less notable artists to have multiple October releases: James Blunt Korn

Calvin Harris 

Kings of Leon

Pentatonix 

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FORMER HARBINGERS OF HYPE

These are October releases from artists that once felt like whenever they put out an album a wider array of outlets and publications seemed to care more and would spill more digital ink over them. The big three artists that had the biggest drop off in attention and acclaim that stick out to me the most are Titus Andronicus,  Justice and Why? All three artists debuted with strong starts back in the aughts, but according to critical reception more or less crashed and burned. Titus Andronicus’ Local Business was one of the last times Titus Andronicus would get positive marks from Pitchfork. Local Business a fun and shaggy follow-up to one of the most self-serious concept albums of the 2010s. 

Justice’s Audio, Video, Disco similarly is a follow up to a highly acclaimed album that set the bar high enough to doom Justice into never living up to the hype. Justice’s 2007 s/t heralded them as the next Daft Punk, but unlike those soulful and thoughtful robots Justice mainly wanted to make big ridiculous unfashionable synth prog rock. Audio, Video, Disco is simply cheesy fun and even though we live in a world better off without parties and gatherings this album helps you feel like you are in high-def IMAX monster mash on the moon. 

The leaves us with Why?’s Mump’s Etc. an album that already had the job of following up an already divisive follow up record Eskimo Snow. Why’s Alopecia is a really important 2008 indie blog rap album that helped thrust the online indie blogs into the hip-hop genre hybrid experimentalism. Why? would never make another universally beloved album again and with Mump’s Etc. ended up permanently in Pitchfork’s hate pit. In the original release review the Pitchfork writer essentially deems this album an act of “career suicide.” The whole review is essentially an assignation of Why?’s figurehead Yoni Wolf and taking him to task for all of his awkward lyrical blunders and the fact he is narcissistic enough to be a musician writing about his career in a meta fashion. Yet when I listen to Mump’s Etc. I am more or less enjoying Yoni Wolf’s personality and find the whole thing to be pretty charming. A perfectly serviceable 3.5/5 release that a media outlet like Pitchfork turns into a flexing opportunity to show how that they have the power to make or break a career. 

A.C. Newman, an artist who appears on this playlist with his terrific 2012 Shut Down The Streets took to Twitter to scoff at the idea that a good Pitchfork review has done anything for his career. Shut Down The Streets currently remains the last solo album Newman has released under his name choosing to focus on his main gig with the New Pornographers. The Internet based hype machine is even more ADHD addled and twitchier by the day. The joy of doing this deep dive allowed me to revisit a lot of these artists and acts that I had fallen out of touch with. I had completely forgotten about King of Convenience’s Erlend Øye who released the album Legao in 2014. I rediscovered a good deal of bands like the Editors, The Dodos, Kisses, Black Milk, Crocodiles, Empire of the Sun, Juana Molina, Jagwar Ma, Here We Go Magic, Dale Earnhardt Jr. Jr., YACHT, Peaking Lights, The Twilight Sad, Elf Power, Swet Shop Boys, Radio Dept, Allo’ Darlin, Foxes In Fiction, and HOMESHAKE are all bands not trying to change the world or challenge listeners with avant garde experimentation. Instead I feel like I maintaining relationships with old friends on the edge of obscurity. 

////

A HISTORY OF CHRISTMAS IN OCTOBER 

A tradition stretching back as far as 2014 not October’s Idina Menzel’s Holiday Wishes, but Seth McFarland’s Holiday For Swing sweatily released on CD, digital, and vinyl on September 30, 2014.  2015 then brings us a Chris Tomlin and Ru Paul Christmas albums because every force of Neo-liberal good must be balanced with evangelical contemporary Christian music *shutters.* 2016 finds the Christmas in October era reaching a complete and utter nadir with R. Kelly’s final official LP 12 Nights of Christmas and A Pentatonix Christmas, but also buffered by Kacey Musgrave’s Christmas. 2017 only had time for Gwen Stefani’s You Make It Feel Like Christmas and no one else could evoke this feeling in October. On 2018, Michelle and Barack Obama’s combined one and only Christmas wish comes true, no not cancelling those drone strikes, but getting John Legend to join the October release jamboree; Eric Clapton claps open his guitar’s butt cheeks and hatefully squats out a half assed Xmas album defiantly opening the album with “White Christmas” [eyeroll emoji]; and finally 2018 found the Pentatonix announcing in October that Christmas Is Here. I apologize for all of that crude butt talk about the hateful racist Eric Clapton, but(t) I have festive gluteus Maximus on the mind, because in 2019 Norah Jones got her alternative country gal trio back together to remind us to shake our Christmas butts. Eat shit commercial shit, today’s Santa’s birthday! That’s the magic of the October release schedule! 

The hallowed Christmas in October tradition continues on in 2020 with Dolly I-Beg-Thee-Pardon  releasing A Holly Dolly Christmas right on time on October 2, 2020 (Carrie Underwood missed the memo and unwraps her unwanted My Gift in September 2020). Meghan Trainor, Goo Goo Dolls, and Tori Kelly released Christmas albums. Can you believe Seth MacFarlane comes up twice in this article, because his sleazy J. Michigan Frog croon is processed and grated like Parmesan cheese snow flakes all over a rendition of White Christmas.  What a time to be alive! 

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WHERE DID THEY GO?

A Brief Case For Class Actress’s Rapproacher

Among my October music travels I encountered one artist that really impressed me with her proper LP debut Rapprocher. The trio fronted by Elizabeth Vanessa Harper is essentially peddling the kind of competent moody 80’s inspired synth pop that belongs on a lost Donnie Darko sequel. Harper’s vocals are striking and expressive and they are melded with constantly propulsive bed of shiny synths and glossy barely-there gated percussion. Outside of an 2015  EP called Movies featuring exciting production contributions from Italo-disco icon Giorgio Moroder there has been nothing else from Class Actress. Highly recommend you check them out especially if you want to find the sweet spot between Chromatics and Kylie Minogue. 

/////

THE OCTOBER 2010s MASTERPIECES 

(Robyn - Honey, Big K.R.I.T. - 4eva is a Mighty Long Time  ,Miguel -  Kaleidoscope Dream, Crying - Beyond The Fleeting Gale , M83 Hurry Up, We’re Dreaming ,SRSQ - Unreality, Sufjan Stevens - age of adz, Joanna Newsom - divers, VV Brown Samson and Delilah, Kelela - tear me apart , Neon Indian - VEGA Intl., Fever Ray - Plunge , Antony and The Johnsons - Swanlights (goodbye album) , Caroline Polachek - Pang , Sky Ferreira - Night Time, My Time . Bat For Lashes  Haunted Man, James Ferraro - Far Side Virtual , Grouper -  Ruins , Kero Kero Bonito -Bonito Generation , DJ Rashad - Double Cup)

Maybe if I surround this VV Brown album with more well known artists she’ll finally get some more clicks? I should also mention that Joanna Newsom’s Divers is nowhere on my Spotify October Music playlist because Joanna Newsom thinks Spotify is bananas, and she hates bananas. I know I should also mention Kendrick Lamar’s good kid, m.A.A.d city and Tame Impala’s Lonerism. That’s the maddening thing about October music that just when you think you covered all your ground you find another hidden hump underneath the carpet.  I feel remiss without mentioning striking debut and instant hidden gem Tinashe’s Aquarius, which did you know has a new album art on Spotify. Death Grip’s No Love Deep Web. T_T I didn’t even get around to making a big verbal mosaic to Thom Yorke’s witchy Suspiria soundtrack.Corpus Christi! I forgot to highlight The Orb album in the collage with my other veteran artists!  As you can see this project nearly ruined me. I did not necessarily listen to all of these albums from front to back, but I did listen all of the songs on the playlist and chose them from the immense collection of October releases. I am pretty sure this is the kind of content for no one in particular but I really needed to get it out of my system. Let’s meet back up October 2030!!!!!

(Thank you to my beloved partner, best friend and Spotify provider Maddie Johnson XD)

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7sdLaNNaqWpKEKXRZ3jNqY?si=SLZxUwLMQYOQ5wA1xuZc7w

[jlpplays1]

~Drake- “You’ll See, Walker..” He says with sweet smile and a kiss. ❤️ Part 2 *

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Book: The Royal Heir

~~all characters belong to pixelberry, just borrowing them for my story.

Rating: mature

Summary: Drake has planned a day of special surprises

(Both Parts =3,728 words)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Author’s note: Hey guys!! FINALLY here's Part 2!!! It's been sitting in my drafts for while now so if you forgot what happened here's Part 1 (x) This is a first for me, writing with my friend @justdani14 for our Ride or Die story (* @fallenangelsjenniferanddani ) inspired me to write a piece with Drake surrounding the idea of "Do you want to dance?" ((Since he is one of my all time favorite guys around)) and it’s become this really super sweet, fun story that I built up from that. Hope you like it!!

I had a lot of fun writing it, and I don't really write that often ( @jlpplays1writes ). I wasn’t originally going to post it, I just wrote it first fun but hopefully it gives you some smiles :) <3 and I’d love to know your favorite part if you liked it!!!

Find Part 1 here :)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“I remember you saying how you and your mom used to sing this song to you, so I found it on a cd..” he pulls output a shiny copy of a cd with the words “I Can’t Help Falling in Love with you- Elvis Presley ” written across the disc.

..“Do you want to dance?”

“Drake,” I say kissing him long and deep. “of course I do. What are we going to play it on?” I say sitting up.

He goes behind the other couch and grabs-

“Drake, is that a boombox?! Did you have that sitting there this whole time?”

-

“Yeah, the one and only.”

“I haven’t seen one of those in years!”

“When I stayed out here in Cordonia, I begged my mom to let me keep it. I know it’s a little old fashioned, but there’s nothing like listening to the music on a gem like this..and now,” he says holding out his hand for me to take, “and now I realize why I was meant to keep it all of those years ago. It was fate.”

We look into each other’s eyes, humming and swaying in sync to the music dancing to the song that I hold close to my heart.

Drake’s POV

~~

She looks at me with such vulnerability in her eyes.

I take a deep breath and hold hold her close, same she does with me..listening to the music.

“I know that it sounds corny, but when we spend time together like this, it’s so nice to see you smile. It’s like you’re glowing from the inside out, I swear..”

“Well it certainly feels like I am. Spending this time with you is better than anything. I really mean that, Drake..I love you so much.” She wraps her arms around my neck, and I hold her close.

“Well..” I say, brushing the hair away from the side of her face. “These are things that I’ve thought about you for a long time now, so now that your Mrs. Walker- " I say giving her a light kiss “you’re gonna be hearing them a lot more often. It’s really special that you are my wife. That this is real. That you are real.”

"It may sound silly, but it’s so nice to just be able to tell you how much I love you.” She says. “Which.. is a lot by the way. It’s one thing thinking them & feeling them and another thing to actually be saying it out loud. Now we can just do that and I can say it whenever I want. Straight to the man that is taking up so much room in my head.. and in my heart.” She looks at me, deep into my eyes.

“I love you Drake Walker.”

“And I love you Mrs. Walker.”

Her eyes flick to my lips, then she kisses me. I was so sucked into the moment that I almost forgot to kiss her back. Then she breaks away, and just like that it is over too soon. She kisses me slow, long and deep. Her love shining through the intimacy of the moment. My love for her right back.

This moment just feels so right. “I’m so proud of you, you know.” I say quietly in between humming the soft tune.

“Me?!” She says lifting her head up. “Why are you proud of me?” She says surprised.

“Because... every time something seems to go wrong, you make it right.” I gently spin her out, bringing her back into my chest again. “Because you are always there for everybody when ever they need it most.” I look into her in her eyes. “There for me.” I kiss her pouring all of my love into it.

“You are everything. My everything. And my wife. God, I love saying that.” I really am so proud of her.

We stay like like that for a couple of more minutes, me holding her in my embrace. Us dancing to the music. I could stay like this for hours. Just me and her.

I don’t even know how long we stay like that for in a comfortable silence, still swaying.

“Drake..” She says looking up into my eyes.

“Yeah?”

“Thank you.” Her voice is nothing more than a whisper.

“For what?”

“For doing all of this for me. For taking the time out to go so above and beyond. Just to make me happy..which you..very much so..accomplished. So thank you.”

“Me too, Walker. You make me happy too. So so happy.”

For the last few hours we’ve been exploring our new home, and this one of our best adventures yet. Just holding each other close.

“You know, I know that I’m no longer the little 8 year old kid searching around Liam’s castle, but this was really fun. Even more fun than it was when I was a kid. I think it’s because I’m with you.”

“Being with you makes it so much better for me too. And haha it really was! But next time let’s bring a can of Raid though- that bug spay.. Those back entrance halls..there were a lot of creepy crawlers!”

“Haha! That sounds like a plan. You’ve got it, Walker.” I gently kiss her again, on the forehead this time as she sinks into my warm embrace.

Holding each other tight, she puts her head and a hand on my chest again. Right where it belongs.

The song ends and she kisses me gently one more time.

“That might have been the only one that I had on cd, but there’s speakers around the room..lets me connect my phone to it, so I wanted to dance with you to this one too.”

~~End Of Drake’s POV~~

~~~~~

He plugs in his phone, and ‘Everything’ by Michael Buble comes over the speakers.

🎶You're a falling star, you're the get away car🎶...🎶You're the line in the sand when I go too far 🎶

🎶You're the swimming pool on an August day🎶...🎶And you're the perfect thing to see🎶

🎶And you play you're coy, but it's kinda cute🎶...🎶Oh, when you smile at me you know exactly what you do🎶

🎶Baby, don't pretend that you don't know it's true

'Cause you can see it when I look at you🎶🎶...

“I’m so glad that we found this room!” That we found each other. I say laughing as he spins me out squealing a little bit. This is exactly where I belong. I think as I look up into Drake’s warm dark brown chocolate eyes.

🎶🎶🎶And in this crazy life, and through these crazy times

It's you, it's you; you make me sing

You're every line, you're every word, you're my everything🎶🎶🎶

We dance, having so much fun until the song is over.

~~

“Wow, you know what, this place is really nice, the more and more I look around, the more and more I love it!”

“I know! Me too.”

“So how about a game?” I say.

“I have a better idea..”

“What? Why would you take me to a pool room and then not have us play?” I say teasingly.

“Ok, we can still play and I know we’ve been hiding out in here like all day, but I have something else in mind, if that’s ok.. before our day ends.”

He looks at me with such an adoring sweetness in his eyes, I love this man so much.

“Of course its ok, Drake.”

“Ok good, I was hoping you would say that..”

“I came prepared, Walker. So if you want to play pool than we totally can, but I have a little surprise first.”

“A bigger surprise than this?” I say chucking, still looking around the room. We may have been in here for a while talking, but I still can’t get over the beauty of this secluded room.

He reaches behind the side chair in the lounge area, and pulls out a few things. There is a basket filled with all sorts of goodies. “I got us some snacks and I was going to grab champagne but opted out for the sparking water instead.”

“Awww”

He sweeps his thumb lightly over my jaw.

His voice is softer as he continues, “Let me make love to you. Let’s try for that baby again.”

~~

I feel my breath hitch.

“Ok.”

—————

It doesn’t take long to fall into that stride. You put your hand over his. Guiding him and showing him just what you want.. just what you like.. and just what you need. What’s he needs. It is pure bliss for the both of you as the two of you melt away together.

—————

“You know,” you look down at your intertwined hands resting on your belly. You are both exhausted but in the best way possible, “there could be a baby in there really soon.”

“Heh, you know what? That’s very true.”

He brings our locked hands up to his warm lips, kissing the back of my hand tenderly. “Or there could actually already be, if you think about it..And if we are lucky enough for that to be true, I promise that will love that baby with every ounce of me and all of my heart.” He says.

~~

He’s tracing small circles on the back of my hand that’s now placed over his heart, I feel the warmth of it beating.

“I know you will, I will too.”

“I know.”

That’s all we need to say, because although it’s two simple words, we both know how true they are.

I bury my head into his shoulder, his arm wrapped around me. We stay quiet just basking in the moment holding each other tight.

“Hey Drake?”

“Yeah?”

“I love you, and I know it may sound silly but thank you for marring me..”

“Honey,” He says and I look up at him.

“Yeah?”

“I love you too. And thank you for being my wife.” He kisses the top of my head.

We lay like that in each other’s warm embrace for a while and eventually fall sleep cuddled together. I am a little worried about how Dr. Ramirez said that this could take awhile, considering we have so many people counting on us. But all I can think of right now is my love for this beautiful man that I get to call my husband. This may be harder than we thought but we will get through this together.

~~

Find Part 1 here ☺️

[yfere]

Shipping Calculus! Live Updates from C2E58

In which we learn that shopping episodes are not necessarily shipping episodes. A lean week, but one that allows time for feelings to percolate, perhaps? Masterpost here

+1000 to Yasha/Caffeine as Caduceus’ experiments with brews finally pay off and pull Yasha from her somnambulatory state and into alertness. She is so impressed by the power of his tea that she goes looking for tea leaves in all of the shops. We don’t want to lose her again to a sleep attack, after all.

-2 to Fjord/Caleb. Positives: Caleb defending Fjord from his murder cat, pointing out the “very special manacles” in his bag and that alone when Fjord asks him about items—manacles which, might I add, Fjord has been avidly collecting throughout the campaign—and which effectively shuts down Fjord asking Caleb anything else for the next forever. Asking Fjord to please do the introductions to the miners, supportive intimidating pissing. Negatives: Fjord all “lawl what if we just left Caleb to wander the city alone wouldn’t that be funny” no you absolute asshole.

+1 to Jester/Caleb with a +1 carryover wink from the day previous. A perfect balance of point gains and losses from this point on, with Caleb immediately giving Jester a truly obscene amount of money for diamonds (but it’s for the group, he says, preventing point gains), losing points by giving away all of Jester’s precious pets to keep Yeza happy, but making up for it by gracing her with a purring Frumpkin to adore in their absence, and accidentally mumbling something that sounded a little like “yeah” when Jester asked to keep Frumpkin forever. Jester must know the cat comes with the wizard, though—if she’s going to keep Frumpkin, Caleb will have to be part of that package.

+12 to Jester/Fjord which may have been more, were it not for Jester merely earning what we in the lab call A Point For Trying as she put her foot in her mouth not once, not twice, but somewhere around fifteen different times during the truly horrific conversation at the blacksmith’s, funneling all the rest of her points from the first half of the episode into +20 to Jester/Fjoot in Mouth. However, the pair make up some excellent ground with jellyfish references, switcheroos in riding placement on Yarnball, picking the same infiltration team, much mention of Fjord’s handsomeness and smartness, and “Captain” and “Lieutenant” roleplay which makes Jester the most highly ranked so far of Fjord’s beloved “you work for me” roleplays (it always starts out high…) Nearly earned points with Jester interrogating Yarnball on her tracking ability in response to Fjord’s question, but she was cockblocked by Caduceus Clay and his ability to actually speak with animals, earning the firbolg fond looks from Fjord and +10 to Caduceus/Cat Shaped Creatures

+8 to Caduceus/Fjord. The current theory circulating in the lab is that Caduceus Clay and Jester Lavorre share similar taste in near everything—jewels, armor, tattoos, dresses, and, tragically, men. Which means they must vie for the same romantic interests for perpetuity. Here we have a Caduceus who manages not to put his foot in his mouth (Jester looks to him for help! A bad sign for her), who very effectively talks up how Fjord saved his life on multiple occasions, and marvels at the “layers” he’s discovering Fjord has. Like an onion. Cooking with onions is great, onions are delicious. Therefore Fjord is…..? Anyway, Caduceus also very keenly and insistently “Captain”ing at the man throughout the episode, happily deferring as he makes excellent suggestions on how to proceed with the Giant-Killing-Job, and effusively complimenting Fjord alongside Jester on his intimidation prowess. But no amount of subtlety or cockblocking is going to keep up with the Sheer Baldfaced Panache of Jester’s flirting style—at least not for the moment. Fjord, for his part, contributing a point by steering Caduceus away from random pottery shops and towards a blacksmith like the exasperated husband he is.

+6 to Caduceus/Caleb as Mr. Impatient Wizard Man smears his beard with magic bean paste while Caduceus frantically looks through his bag for something resembling lather. “Never mind, that’s beautiful,” Caduceus says, seeing this. Caduceus wanting to know if he thinks Caleb actually needs a shave, because like the rest of us he is probably attached to a certain level of Caleb Scruff. Keeping a Cure Wounds at the ready for when Yasha inevitably stabs Caleb in the face, but Bleeding Impatient Wizard Man slips away from him before he can use it! Caduceus’ inordinate faith in how of course Intelligent Wizard Man Caleb knows absolutely everything about this magic darkness, and Caleb as always having to poke holes in others’ excessively high opinions of him.

+50 to Caduceus/Every Single (Male?) NPC as Caduceus carries on the kind of conversation you’d have with a date with Wursh the blacksmith, who admiringly speaks of how Caduceus is a “crazy motherfucker” while Caduceus speaks admiringly of how “even his advice has abs.” Both of them going on in a sickening way on how much of an “absolute pleasure” it is to spend time together, how glad they are of each other’s “company” in the blasting heat. Gag. Caduceus also, upon gaining the assistance of a “ballsy” mine worker, being “into it.” Of course you are, Caduceus. Of course you are.

+2 to Fjord/Elvis Impersonation for pelvis thrusting in public.

+10 to Caleb/Cat Shaped Creatures as Caleb is incredibly disappointed he can’t cram the moorbounders into his already cramped Tiny Hut. His affectionate “Who’s a good apex predator” to his blood soaked murder kitty. Also, while the others who bonded to the moorbounders learned only the commands “Halt” and “Jump,” resident cat person Caleb Widogast flaunts his superior connection to catkind by successfully employing a third command: “Piss.” Also +10 to Caleb/Pissing in the Wind

+2 to Beauregard/Lesbian Amnesia as she is incapable of recalling the word “shaft” in any context. Fjord helpfully fills her in, with some instructive hand motions that will also slip completely out of her memory within ten seconds. 

+8 to Beau/Jester as upon Jester’s sincere request, Beau successfully puts a dick in a book at the library! “Would Jester be proud of me?” Beau asks eagerly, as Caleb rolls his eyes at her hopelessness. Beau grinning and entering the stratosphere at the prospect of spending a day clothes shopping with Jester, an activity which by definition involves the putting on (and taking off) of a lot of clothing with a very attractive blue gal. Beau calling on Jester to bring out the heart to the foreman, which didn’t intimidate him most likely because the whole time Jester and Beau were making gooey eyes at it reminiscing about mutilating corpses together.

+1 to Beau/Professor Waccoh as Beau is pleased as punch to show off her youth and muscles and tendency to bite. Failing to hit the mark with a “my fair lady” and stumbling worse with a “professor woman of deep knowledge” flirt, but managing to wring an “I like you!” out of the woman nonetheless.

-5 to Caleb/Books He was so excited to read the books, and he did not get to read the books! Caleb then immediately throws himself 50000% into helping a known weapons developer in her quest to more effectively spill Empire Blood, because no amount of moral handwringing can outweigh his bone deep need to Get A Library Card

-2 to Caleb/Item Hoarding as he resists, barely and with Great Effort, his Spoiled Only Child greediness to just take and keep all the items Waccoh offered as payment. Beau tries to point out that taking item payments and rewarding the group are not Mutually Exclusive, but this does not compute.

+42 to Nott/Yeza as post-reunion the pair perform surprisingly well even while under the Shipping Law of Rising Sexpectations. Pet names, screamed “I LOVE YOU”s, saving your wife from getting fleeced/stealing from assholes rude to your husband, showing the world how #Kinky you are, suggestive eyebrows at fake sex potions that Yeza is definitely going to find a way to brew into Real Sex Potions by the time the crew get back. Points lost for leaving Yeza alone, under effective house arrest in a hotel room as Nott gallivants off to her one true love, Killing Things.

-10 to Yasha/Reading the Room as Caleb tries and fails to gracefully duck out of another greatsword shave because Yasha is too adorably insistent that it’s no trouble really, he doesn’t have to worry about inconveniencing her, she really wants to do this for him. Paying an insane amount of money for a used straight razor for Caleb with no awareness, giving that same shopkeeper the impression that she came to the shop looking for extremely racy alchemical concoctions—if what the duergar had on the counter was “too tame” for her, what kind of amazing sexual adventurer could she be?

-10,000 to Sam Riegel/His Presidential Campaign I don’t know if he can recover from what happened to him this week. I don’t know if it’s possible.

[shipersanonymous]

Au

WARNING : MAY CONTAIN CONTENT NOT SUITABLE FOR READERS UNDER THE AGE OF 18

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

************ Cliffhanger Warning ************

Earlier that day...

The alarm went off and Barry flung his hand out from underneath the covers towards the screeching device. One tap, two taps, three taps later and it finally grew quiet. As he drifted back to sleep the sound of a dragged shuffle grew louder as it got closer to him. A yawn sounded followed by a sleepy muffle that carried in it a message along the lines of "Dude, we're gonna be late".

His roommate shuffled out and Barry listened to his retreat before returning his attention to the task at hand but unfortunately it was too late. The need to sleep had left him. Like a brainless being he rose from his bed, tripping over everything before him (including air) and walking his way to the bathroom. As soon as the cold water hit his face his senses came to life. He awakened completely and with his new and alert state came a radiant smile that seemed to be permanently plastered on to his face. A quick shower and teeth brushing later and he was back in his bedroom, dancing around in nothing but his jeans and a pair of socks while he picked out a shirt.

"You can't find a partner use a wooden chair, let's rock. Every body lets rock. Every body in the...." a knock on his door stopped him mid lyric and he turned away from his cupboard to give the new comer permission to enter. Cisco popped his head in through the door with a licorice stick (his breakfast of choice) hanging from his mouth.

"Yoh Elvis Presley, can you hurry up with the sequins we're gonna be late."

"Late for what?"  Barry asked settling on a plain white t-shirt and throwing a navy blue cardigan on over it.

"The investors meeting at S. T. A. R. Labs? The people who are funding our internship are gonna be there so they want us to be there too? Any of this ring a bell?" he asked swinging the half eaten piece of candy in the air like a magic memory wand.

"Oh right," Barry recalled and Cisco shook his head, holding back the urge to slap his forehead. The house phone chimed and he left with a final "speed up" warning. Barry took a brush to his easy going patch of hair that caved to each gentle stroke without protest then made his way out to kitchen. He entered just as Cisco put down the phone. "That was Dr. Snow. Seems like there's been a death among the investors. The meetings been pushed up to later in the afternoon so we're going to have a late night," he informed while slumping down into a chair and reaching out for the TV remote. Barry shrugged to no one in particular, dismissing the information as unimportant and moving towards the cupboard for some turtle mix.

"Hey there buddy. You hungry?" he cooed as he unloaded a scoop of food into the medium sized glass case that housed their pet turtle.

"I honestly don't know why you talk to that thing. It's not like it's gonna answer back. I mean all it does is sit there and look ancient." Cisco remarked with his attention still trained on the ever changing screen.

"Don't listen to him McSnurtle, you don't look a day over a hundred." Barry responded with a goofy pout as he reached in and rubbed the turtles hard shell with his finger. He watched for a while as the reptile feasted at his usual languid pace and Barry just smiled, inexplicably entertained.

"You know maybe we should get McSnurtle a girlfriend. He looks lonely." Barry observed and Cisco snorted in response.

"You can barely get yourself a girlfriend and you want to get one for the world's tiniest dinosaur?" he asked and Barry rolled his eyes in response but his roommates eyes were too glued to the TV  screen for him to notice. Barry made his way to the other couch in the cozy apartment and sat down to join Cisco in his latest TV binge. They ended up debating the many scientific faults and accuracies in the show with a passion only mastered by stereotypical (and this is meant in the best sense of the word) nerds.

The clock struck noon and Barry grew stir crazy. "I'm gonna head out for a bit." he said but when his revelation was met with no answer he directed a questioning glance at Cisco and found that he was fast asleep. A very soft thunder rumbled in the distance and deciding that he would make it home before the downpour he left without an umbrella.

The sky was a light grey that darkened in hue towards the east where the storm, undoubtedly was coming from. Barry walked lazily down the street towards the cemetery. He could have gotten a cab but the weather was at the perfect interim point between sun shine and rain so a five block walk felt necessary. He took deep breaths in through his nose, enjoying the earthy smell of the coming drizzle that fluttered toward him on the back of a pleasant breeze. He passed by a group of high school girls taking a group photo and offered them a charming smile. That picture, it's safe to say, became a collage of varying shades of crimson cheeks.

He walked through the gates of the cemetery and the familiar feeling of nostalgia infused sadness crept into his heart as he neared his parents resting place. The graves laid side by side, an image of their devotion to each other that even in death their love carried on.

"Hi mom. Hi dad." he greeted once he'd reached them then exposed his pocketed hands to caress the cool stones, simultaneously wiping of some of the collected dust. He crouched down infront of them and continued his solo conversation. "Sorry its been a while, I've been busy." he blushed, hearing his parents condemning tones in his head. "I know, I know that's not an excuse and I promise I'll try to do better. I'm just really tired and I miss you both, a little more each day." The back of his throat burned with tears but before he could hang his head and cry he heard a distressed scream from somewhere near by. Ever the model citizen, his ability to sympathise and his need to help kicked in and he left his parents graves to go in search of the troubled soul. Barry didn't have to walk far before he came a cross an enchanting woman, beautiful even in her state of emotional turbulence and made more charming by her complete vulnerability. The wind blew her ebony hair in all manner of directions, concealing her facial features and adding to the mystery that seemed to draw him to her. He stepped in her direction just as she turned on her heel and made her way to him. She seemed to be leaving. Barry ducked behind a grave and waited for her to make her exit, convincing himself that she probably didn't want to be disturbed.

The mesmerising stranger stormed past him without noticing his presence and for the brief moment in which he watched her walk away he found himself running short of air. It was almost as if each step she took away from him decreased the levels of oxygen around him so finally he gathered up his courage and as he stepped out of his hiding place, he asked if she was alright. When she turned around to express her annoyance, their eyes connected and hers, he realised, were an intoxicating shade of brown. She drank him in and he felt himself grow afraid at the intensity with which she analised him. His face began to flush as he traced each detail of her feminine features, committing each line and curve to memory. The world around him seemed to dim in comparison and so when the rain fell, to him it looked like a painting being drained of its colour. All else washed away and there was only her.

[hasansonsuzceliktas]

Some Mysterious Connectıons between Unforgettable Songs and the Lunar Nodes

On our spiritual paths, the South Node tells about our spiritual or karmic life goals (also known as our karmic talents or karmic jobs), while the North Node tells about how we can perform these goals or talents. Well, let's check out some of these together. When I wrote my synastry book Love and Relationships in Astrology (original title: Aşk Ve İlişkiler Astrolojisi), which was published in August 2013, I discussed in detail how the Lunar Nodes tell us about our spiritual paths. According to my findings, I proposed a new theory about the South Node: The South Node is the one that refers to our spiritual/karmic life goals in our current incarnations. On the other hand, the North Node refers to the stage where we perform that goal or the way we carry out that goal. In other words, we take our spiritual/karmic goals and talents from the South Node, and then we begin a journey through the North Node. Our karmic/spiritual goals and talents are just like suitcases that we use to hold the items necessary for our journeys… While intensively studying this subject to obtain statistical data to support this hypothesis, I used the horoscope charts of some famous musical stars around the world. Naturally, I found various interesting connections between the unforgettable songs of famous singers, songs that made them worldwide stars, and the lunar nodes in their charts. As I said above, on our spiritual paths, the South Node tells about our spiritual or karmic life goals (also known as our karmic talents or karmic jobs), while the North Node tells about how we can perform these goals or talents. Well, let’s check out some of these together. Unforgettable Songs and Lunar Nodes 1­ – Elvis Presley and his unforgettable song “It’s now or never!” Presley’s South Node is in Leo, so he was born to be a star, and the eighth house! This almost reflects the words in his song, doesn’t it? The eighth house is the natural house of Scorpio, whose motto is “all or nothing,” and Elvis says the same thing in his unforgettable song.

The call for love and sex in the song is also the subject matter of the eighth house. So, what about the sign where we see the South Node in, Leo? Leo is the sign of passion and love, and the flame of passion in the song is special to Leo. In the song, the words “Be mine tonight”  remind us of his North Node in Aquarius in the second house. The second house is the natural house of Taurus, who loves possession, and the words “Tomorrow will be too late” reflect Aquarius. It may be that this freedom-loving man leaves his darling the next day! 2 – Frank Sinatra and his Unforgettable Song “Strangers in the Night” Let’s follow the tracks of this song through Frank’s Lunar Nodes in his horoscope chart. Can we find any connections between his spiritual life goal and his unforgettable song that took him to the top? Let’s see together. Frank Sinatra has the same Lunar Nodes as Elvis: his South Node is in Leo and his North Node in Aquarius. This song tells about two strangers who become lovers, or two people who have just met for the first time…

We see reflections of both Lunar Nodes in the song. Leo represents love and passion, while Aquarius is about people from different places, effectively strangers. The North Node in the fourth house completes the stage for the lovers. This is because the fourth house is the house of home or country, and we see two strangers coming together to set up a home. The South Node is in the tenth house, representing people who want to come together through a formal marriage. After this night of coming together, they want to marry and share a life together. The Lunar Nodes in the fourth and tenth houses also represent an important, loving relationship that changes people’s entire lives. Do you see how these two love songs have the Lunar Nodes in the same signs but with different goals and stages? Presley’s song highlights passion and sexual desire, while Sinatra’s talks about romanticism and marriage. 3 – Barbra Streisand and her Unforgettable Song “Woman in Love” Barbra Streisand has a dreamy voice, but think about why. When we look at her horoscope chart, we see Venus in the 12th house and in Pisces! While the Sun and Mercury in Taurus give her a strong voice, the Venus in Pisces in the 12th house gives her voice a dreamy, soft quality. Let’s look into her song to get some clues about her spiritual life goal.

The South Node is in Pisces and in conjunction with Venus in the 12th house. This reminds me of the lyrics in her song: “I’m a woman in love, and I’d do anything to get you into my world.” In this song, we see a woman who will do anything and who is ready to give everything for her love. What a romantic woman! Looking at the other signs of the song in the horoscope, we see the South Node in conjunction with Venus in the 12th house, supporting my theory about the South Node. 4 – Michael Jackson and his many Unforgettable Songs: “Bad,” “Billie Jean,” etc.  I’m confused as to which is his best and most unforgettable song. I can’t narrow it down to just one, so I have to use at least two or three. Michael has his South Node in Aries in the seventh house and his North Node in Libra in the first house. Do you see how he has a rising sign in Libra and the North Node in Libra too? He was crazy about cosmetic surgery! Well, we can find the tracks of his songs by following his Moon Nodes.

The South Node is in Aries, and Aries’ ruler is in Taurus and the eighth house, while Mars is also in the eighth house. The eighth house is the house of sex, and Mars is the planet of sex. This immediately reminds me of his typical gestures, if you understand what I mean, such as grasping his groin on stage. These sexual dance moves were very natural to him because he has Mars in the eighth house. The eighth house is also the house of hidden destructive desires like killing and fighting, and we often see reflections of these feelings in his songs, such as “Bad,” “Dangerous,” “Smooth Criminal,” and “Beat it.” Because the ruler of the South Node in Aries is Mars, he became a worldwide star by conveying concepts that represent Mars. Now let’s look at the houses of the Lunar Nodes: the first and seventh houses, the houses of relationships and confrontations, love and hate, open debates, and so on. We can see many examples of these themes in his songs. Jackson often had something to tell someone, such as a wish, a sorrow, or an outbreak. When we turn back to the eight house and Mars, which also represents our hidden fears, we remember how his song “Thriller” tells us about fear. We don’t just see the effect of Mars in this song but also that of Uranus and Venus in conjunction in Leo. In the movie Thriller, Jackson acts like a man enjoying strange things, such as scaring his lover. In the song, we notice the reflection of Venus, the ruler of his North Node, and its conjunction with the strange planet Uranus. Coming to perhaps the greatest of all his songs, “Billie Jean,” we hear lyrics like, “Billie Jean is not my lover… She says I’m the one, but the kid is not my son… She showed a photo… His eyes were like mine…” We see Venus, the North Node’s ruler, and its conjunction with Uranus in Leo, and we see Mars, the South Node’s ruler, in the eighth house and square with Venus and Uranus. All of these astrological indications reflect the story in the song about two people meeting on a dance floor and having a one-night stand, with a baby being born as a result. Another thing Jackson often talks about in his songs is war and peace. The South Node in Aries represents war, while the North Node in Libra represents peace. 5 – Sezen Aksu and her Unforgettable Song “Beni Unutma” (Do not forget me) Sezen Aksu is a music star from Turkey. I don’t know her exact birth time, but I do know her rising sign is Leo. Her horoscope chart goes something like that. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EsZTne6WEQE The South Node is in Cancer, and the North Node is in Capricorn. The South Node in Cancer means she was born to sing melancholic songs about deep love, nostalgia, and so on. In her unforgettable song, she tells about a woman having a deep attachment to her lover and saying, “do not forget me,” even after the relationship finishes. For both the North Node in Capricorn and the South Node in Cancer, the important themes  are memories, past, remembering, and attachment to the past.

The most important thing for a woman of Cancer is not to be forgotten, to be remembered. A Cancerian wants to be unforgettable. “Don’t cry,” another of her famous songs, is a typical song that represents the effect of the South Node in Cancer. 6 – Teoman and his Unforgottable song “Paramparça” (All in Pieces) I don’t know Turkish rock star Teoman’s exact birth time either, but I at least know his rising sign. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m5a2Z7wNzFU His South Node is in Libra, and his North Node is in Aries. While following the tracks of his song through the Lunar Nodes, I notice some interesting astrological indications. We also see Saturn in Aries beside the North Node in the fourth house. Teoman’s father died early when he was a child. The fourth house is the house of home, roots, and fathers. Just like in his real life, he sings about painful memories of a man losing his father in the unforgettable song that made Teoman a music star. Let’s look into the South Node. What can it tell us?

Both the South Node and its ruler, Venus, are in Libra, and Venus opposes Saturn. In his song, we hear the story of a man running from love and instead having meaningless relationships and being unhappy. He is afraid of love, because Saturn makes him fear taking root. Teoman tells his real life story in his song! I think Saturn gives him the idea that there is no point in taking root, because one day something will happen to uproot him. The song starts with the words “I don’t have a watch, so I can’t exactly know when…”—these are the words of a man who is not on good terms with Saturn, the Lord of Time. Next, what about these words in his song: “I’m just like a suitcase being lost…” Again, we see the reflection of Saturn. He almost defines himself as being rootless. Consider these words: “The lives of all the people I know are in pieces…” Venus and the South Node in Libra, as well as Saturn and the North Node in Aries, give clues about the song’s theme of people’s lives being in pieces. Let the shining stars brighten your path! Read the full article