#else to describe what’s happening. that’s Literally what’s going on and it’s awesome

[macbethz]

What I think is so awesome abt mythic quest queerbaiting with a heterosexual couple is that they also perfectly replicated the culture around said relationship. Constantly compared to a couple and say I love you to each other on screen but creators are adamant they made them to show how a man and a woman can just be friends and if you say they’re fucking on the dl ppl yell at you for erasing platonic love. It’s like I’m in 2014 again <3

[scekrex]

Hello there gorgeous ✨

Prompt idea with reader being a part of a band that's heavily inspired by Babymetal, like the type of music is pop mixed with metal, the outfits, the whole vibe basically. Heaven's got a new band in town and it's reader's band (You can either create a name for them, go without mentioning any name or whatever else you choose to do with that! You can even ask me and we'll both think about the name c:). Adam at first was like "Tf? New band getting popular? Pfft, they probably suck, no one can out-do the first fucking man🙄" but then when Lute asked him to actually go and check it out with her since she got curious when one of the exterminators went there and told her that it was absolutely fucking awesome. They go and it's literally just a blast. The crowd work is astonishing with how the fans, even the shy ones, have no problems with being vocal with the lyrics or movement, the light effects are just top notch, sound quality is gorgeous and clear, the vibe on its own is just one of a kind and Adam is like "Yeah, shit, this is actually really cool, like wtf" but the biggest magic is when he first hears and then sees the reader alongside the two of his like "backup vocals" (I wouldn't really call Mo or Moa that, but I can't find a better word rn) absolutely rocking out, enchanting everyone as if he was some sort of magician, making Adam start questioning his sexuality, simply going "Am I fucking gay? What's actually happening right now?"

Recommendations for like ideal crowd work representation would be any song but my favourite is this one:

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=E8pcFhPZQYg&pp=ygUKSGVhZGJhbmdlcg%3D%3D

Light and visual effects I'd probably say this one:

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Hru3zh8l2kE&pp=ygUUQmFieW1ldGFsIGRpc3RvcnRpb24%3D

And the one that could work the best in my opinion to like WOW his snarky bitch ass would be this one:

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=ALznpaBWUTo&pp=ygUMbWV0YWxraW5nZG9t

Rock on my superstar! 🤟🎸❤️

Sup babes, I changed the vibe a lil, going in a more punk-like direction. I don't like describing outfits so the only thing that got a description is reader's vest bc low-key important. Anyway I hope you like it!! xoxo

Part 2

And I dream to be your fantasy

pairing: Adam x male!reader

warnings: language & sexual tension

note: not beta read bc fuck you I don't have beta readers

A new band was blowing up in heaven, their posters were everywhere and Adam was already pissed off by it. Who the fuck did they think they were? Playing in his area? Fuck no. He avoided them as best as he could - considering that their posters hung in every window it wasn't that easy to do.

Lute landed next to Adam, she was visibly excited about something so the first man stopped with a sigh and turned around to look at her, “Sir, have you heard about Divine Fuck-Ups?” Adam growled as he gave Lute a nod, “Bitch, their posters are everywhere, how could I fucking not?” Lute simply rolled her eyes at him, “Yeah well, the other exorcists won't shut up about how good they are so,” the exorcist pulled out two concert tickets. Adam looked down at her, his expression a mix between hatred and betrayal. Had Lute seriously bought two tickets to a different band's concert? Especially when that band was playing in his fucking area on his fucking main stage? Apparently she fucking did. “You bought fucking tickets,” Adam grumbled, pointing out the most obvious thing ever. “The concert is tonight, I'll pick you up so we won't be late.” And it was not like Adam could have disagreed with her, Lute was onto something and the brunette was pretty sure she'd move mountains to get his ass to that concert.

-

The concert was… different than what Adam had expected it to be, the crowd was loud and wild, there were multiple mosh pits and none of their fans stood still for even the finest moment, they were constantly moving, vibing, enjoying their music to the brim. The first man had to admit: he was impressed by that. The only thing that bothered him was, that Lute had picked him up so fucking late that they were basically behind the massive crowd, enjoying the concert from the distance which also meant even though Adam was tall, he wasn't seeing shit.

So he simply grabbed Lute's wrist and pulled her with him as he made his way through the crowd, careful not to hurt anyone. Because while he was all for rock ‘n’ roll, the most rock thing to do was to watch out for each other at concerts, a rule he had learned very early.

He had somehow managed to make it to the front row, Lute by his side as he finally laid eyes on you for the first time. Your hair was sticking to your forehead, it was soaked in sweat just like the rest of your body - that was probably the reason why you were shirtless, wearing nothing but a black jeans vest with golden spikes on its shoulders. Your arm was wrapped around the waist of your background singer and you and him shared a microphone as you growled the lyrics of Lute's favorite song.

The background singer that had been in your arm only moments ago, was now dropping to his knees in front of you, grabbing your hips and wiggling them, his face only a couple centimeters away from your crotch, before he quickly got up again. Holy fuck that was hot. Adam was visibly mesmerized by your performance, not just the singing, growling and shouting but the way you owned that stage. The way you made the people go wild, your harmony with your band mates was a once in a lifetime sorta bond and the first man loved everything about it.

The song ended and you breathed heavily into your microphone. “Make some noise for Cove,” you yelled only to lick the man's jaw, Cove - the background singer that had gone down on you during your performance - was enjoying it, a little too much to Adam's liking but who was he to judge? Well he was the first man, that's who he was. “Okay, whatcha say to one more fucking song?” The crowd screamed and cheered, demanding the offered song like it was their air to breathe, shit even Lute screamed at the top of her lungs. Her white hair was all messy, her clothes clung to her body due to her sweating so much and she looked like she had one hell of a time.

The guitarist played the first three cords and the people around Adam were cheering, clapping and whistling. Then the drummer joined in and so did the bassist. Then your voice echoed through the air and Adam felt like he was in trance, all he needed was your voice and your body.

He wasn't able to dance, to enjoy the music, all he was hearing was your angelic sounding voice, it was enchanting through and through. The way you were moving your body held him in a chokehold, the amount of control you must have had over every single muscle was pure bliss in his eyes. He didn't even realize that the last song had ended and that you had just spoken your goodbyes, that's how lost he had been in your voice.

He really didn't understand why but everything inside of him was screaming to get to you, to make you his, to have you. Where those thoughts came from he didn't know, he wasn't gay after all but fuck you had looked hot on stage, better than any woman could have.

-

Don't ask him how, but he had managed to get a backstage pass once the concert had ended, it definitely had its advantages to be the first man. So there he was, waiting for you to arrive and once the door opened his eyes were basically glued onto you. “Hey there babes,” a cocky, confident smirk was on his lips as he pulled his mask off his head. You gave him a quick glance out of the corner of your eye as you walked over to your dresser, “So you're the bitch who thought of him as important enough to get backstage even though my team told ya no, huh?” Adam tilted his chin upwards as if that was something to accomplish, something to be proud of, “The one fucking and only.” You just rolled your eyes at his answer as you turned around to face him properly, “Listen, if you wanna hook up, now's a bad time. I have to get ready for another gig in just a couple of hours on the other side of heaven, be a fucking babe and leave, okay?” Oh but the brunette wasn't planning to, not now, not when he had the person he desired right in front of him. He walked over to you, his hand was quick to grab you by your hip and pull you in, the first man leaned down a little and murmured, “Oh babes, no need to act like you're fucking hard to get, I know you want me just as much as I want you.”

And that actually caused you to chuckle, because the confidence was so fucking wrong. You had just told him no and yet he acted like he was the man of your dreams. “Cutie,” your finger slid down his chest and stopped at his sternum, tapping him there harshly as your voice dropped an octave and your expression shifted to seriousness, “I do men, not boys. Come back when you decide to act like one.” And fuck, that did things to Adam, things he would never be able to admit to, not fully at least. Because you were acting like hot shit and for the first time he wasn't annoyed by it. Because you were hot shit, fuck probably the hottest shit he had ever laid eyes onto. “Now move your pretty ass out of my dressing room, babes,” you gave the first man one last sweet smile, your finger traced along his jaw and he leaned into every bit of touch he got from you. His eyes were clouded and for the first time in very fucking long it wasn't just lust that fogged up his mind, but interest and maybe even love.

[whitebookposts]

*skitters towards your ask box autistically* do you have any teth headcanons :3

OH MY GOD I JUST REALIZED ITS BEEN A FEW WEEKS AND I STILL HAVEN'T ANSWERED THIS. I AM SO SORRY I LIVE IN SHAME EVERY SINGLE DAY.

Anyway, Teth! Our deeply beloved forest cryptid. I have to be honest, I don't have as many headcanons about her as I do about some of my other fave elders, which is a thing I should work to change because Teth is awesome. But here are some I do have for now:

CAAAAT I think my good buddy @krillking has already spoken about Teth having cat traits in his animal elder post, but yeah. While in my headcanons, the animal traits are less defined, Teth still very much has cat behavior, like her irises widening or narrowing like a cat's, and she likes to sleep in the sun (which is trouble because. Forest is 90 percent clouds and rain. Thankfully she has the yard behind her temple and the sunny forest segment, though due to the whole thing happening in the kingdom, she could visit those comfort places less and less :<) and most importantly - purring. Which she is a bit shy about, so she rarely does it. If you get to catch her purr, it means that she trusts you enough to do it next to you, though she will still be embarrassed if you mention it out loud. (Also do not leave her anywhere near fancy furniture she will try to rip it with her claws. Yes, lamed learned it the hard way.)

TRANSGENDAAAAAAAAA Idk how to explain it but Teth is just so transfem coded. Goes by both she\her and they\them. It just makes so much sense that I don't even need any proof to know that, she has told me this herself. Gotta give @dogedepan for this one though since I stole this idea from her (like many others. Can't help it Chi your headcanons are awesome)

BEEFCAKE Let's be real, TGC is a bunch of cowards for making her slim. How can you look at this woman, who is a blacksmith, and can catch a giant flying hammer with one arm like it's no big deal, and not think that they have some impressive muscle? If you draw Teth buff I am forever in your debt. PLEASE I WANT TO SEE MORE BUFF TETH ART PLEA-

BESTIE Teth and Ayin are literally fated besties, be they platonic or romantic. Even in early concept art, Ayin was described as "Teth's friend" and held the key to her realm, just showing the level of trust between them. Their realms also work with each other really well, with Ayin being the main supply for Teth's factories which is what allowed her realm to grow. I like to think of them being childhood best friends, and that they have been by each other's side through the good and the bad. Remember that headcanon about Teth enjoying sleeping in sunny places? Prairie is perfect for that, and if she decides to take a nap while visiting it is no rarity for her to choose Ayin as a bed for that (soft). I don't really see em as romantic because I already ship Teth with someone else, but as an aromantic person, it's important for me to show intimacy like that even between friendships. Ayin is always there to lend an ear to Teth, being there for her through her worst, and Teth is Ayin's "EXCUSE ME THEY ASKED FOR NO PICKLES". Although, if we go to the sadder territory, their friendship did suffer a falling out during the turbulent era of the kingdom, with Teth closing off from everyone, including Ayin, too caught in her work and darkstone production to meet the ever-growing demands, and that led to Ayin also drowning in work to keep up the light supply. That is not to mention the different world views about light creatures and how worthy they are of preservation.

CRYBABY I just like to think that despite appearing cold and serious, Teth is a very gentle soul underneath the hard facade she forced herself to create due to her position. But if you get to know her you will find a very soft, shy, and caring heart that makes it easy for her eyes to water, be it a happy or sad occasion, even if she is trying to hide it. She is also a pretty big introvert and starts getting nervous during events with big crowds, esp if they have to do a speech as an elder or something. This gentleness and softness hidden behind a cold surface is one of the things that attracted Priestess to her, which leads me to the next point:

LESBIANNNNNN You may know this already but I'm a big PriesTeth truther, which is the ship between Priestess (the original elder of the Valley from concept art, never made it to the final game but there is a pretty popular fanon that she is the mother of the twins) and Teth. Again, I was enlightened about this ship thanks to @dogedepan she is literally the CEO of this ship god bless. I know it's a bit silly to ship her with an elder who never even made it to canon, but I fell in love with the dynamic of the "serious and cold at first glance but soft and gentle on the inside x extroverted, energetic and mischievous but deeply caring and kind" that exists between them. Priestess was Teth's firework, the bright and colorful in the grey and cold of her life. Never had the elder of the Forest loved someone like she did this bright, giggly, and open girl who managed to always make Teth smile. And it hurt all the more when Priestess was lost. After the death of her partner, Teth closed off completely, lost in her work, just to not feel the pain because the grief was overwhelming. She couldn't make herself go to her backyard anymore, because it was the connection between Valley and her forest and where the two met most of the time, being there was just too painful. Some ancestors say that the rain became much more frequent after this loss.

Milf As I ship priesteth, I also headcanon that Teth is the other parent of Sah and Mekh. Unfortunately, their relationship is very rocky. Priestess died when the two were very young, and due to Teth being too lost in her grief, she simply couldn't care for them, causing the two to be raised by other elders (mainly Tsadi, who is their uncle) and kicked around from temple to temple until they were old enough to live on their own. This caused feelings of betrayal and neglect in the two, and it came to the point that they rarely acknowledged Teth as their other parent anymore. And she feels too guilty before them to try and get them back because she believes she deserves this for her mistakes. But perhaps not everything is lost, and some of this relationship can be salvaged if she finally gets brave enough to reach out.

WORSTIE She and Tsadi have a beef. That's it that's the headcanon. It's not anything serious, it's literally a "cat and dog" type of beef, the two can't even tell when it started, it's just that both will use any opportunity to roast each other. Why do I have this headcanon? Because it's funny.

INSANE SITUATIONSHIP Let's just say that the situationship between Teth and Nesting guide still left the latter one staring at her pictures every day for hours.

Hobbies Other than being a blacksmith, Teth enjoys all types of crafts, like sculpting from clay or woodworking. Girlie doesn't need any IKEA, she can make all the furniture herself (I mean, the Nesting guide had to learn this from someone)

Anddddd.... That's all for now! There's probably more headcanons but I can't remember them all rn. I hope these were written good enough and sorry for any grammar mistakes! AND SORRY FOR MAKING YOU WAIT SO LONG I PROMISE I DIDN'T IGNORE YOU DJHGDJGDJ Teth is best forest mama, and I really should put more thought into her, thank you for sending me this ask so i can brainstorm about this gal.

[pro-logue-epi-logue]

RANDOM DEVIL'S NIGHT THOUGHTS

~NUMBER 45~

Things that were not in NIGHTFALL but should have been

(There might be some ranting soo bear with it, you may or may not agree with them) ->

1. Emory and winter not even sharing one single sentence.

Are you telling me two bestest of buddies Damon and Will are married but their significant others did not even share 1 single sentence. NOTHING. ZERO. NADA. Yaaa right.

I am suppose to believe it?

But yeah sure Rika was always there. ALWAYS?? Why just why? Just once let banks and winter talk.

2. Two of the most awesome characters of the entire devil's night EMORY SOFIA SCOTT and NIVOKA SARAH BANKS are not best friends???

Let us all not live in a delusional and finally accept the fact that EMORY and BANKS are best buddies.

Like imagine the sarcasm, sass and obviously how they both are now going to humble the Horsemen and everyone else.

They LITERALLY have sooooo many topics to talk about.

They both definitely meet 2 or 3 times a week just these two and chat and be as awesome and cool as they are.

But yes we didn't got this either. I was soo excited when the two best girls em and banks were supposed to meet but did we got it no. Apparently alex was important. * insert eye roll* ( everyone have the same thoughts here lets not lie)

3. Will not explaining his tattoos

William aaron payne grayson III has been obsessed OBSESSED with Emory Scott, we all know that, its no secret.

It was mentioned in corrupt that he got tattoos while he was in jail, WHEN he didn't knew about what em and martin did. WHEN he was hopelessly in love with her.

So i don't believe that 90% of his tattoos are not related to her one way or other. NOPE JUST NOPE.

So we all deserved a chapter when he told her the meaning of his tattoos and what they signifies after they were married.

4. Emory not getting her own wedding

Emory has the most painful life, she was not at all happy when she was in high school. And after she went to Berkeley when her gazebo burned she didn't let herself be happy.

So just once ONCE in her life can this girl get something for her just for her only.

Don't get me wrong the wedding was cute( it wasn't).

But EMORY deserved a day just for her and will that she shouldn't share with anyone else.

After everything she went through all the pain and hardship, and all the things will and emmy together as a couple went through they deserved a day for just them.

5. Emory Scott smiling in the present chapters

In the entire present timeline all we got was will and emmy fighting, I just wanted 1 chapter just her smiling and finally being happy after all the things. It doesn't matter how, she can be alone with micah or rory or even will. Just her happy and smiling.

And i really think this and tattoo excerpt should have been there instead of AA.

6. More time between MICAH , RORY and EM

In the short time em was in blackchurch only micah was nice to her and rory was well him. But the scenes when Micah and Em dances together and when these two cuties stood up for her when the entire Horsemen clan was treating Emory so bad so so bad these 3 have my heart. They are the brothers she deserves.

I even like how she described them during the wedding.

So yes they should have had 1 or 2 more scenes together for example when they all went shopping after the engagement.

7. Emory's Backstory

There was a 9 years gap, 9 YEARS. So much can happen in that time. But we don't know anything, literally anything about her during that time. I genuinely wanted to know how she coped with the break up with the love of her life WILL, how did she survive in that 1 year when he was not there, how was her college life, how was her graduation, her ex-boyfriend ( she must have dated someone right),how is her job. Anything would have worked but no did we got anything, no we didn't. But what did we got, repeated reminder of will and alex( i get it they were together but why throw it in her face when she was already soo insecure). This novel should have focused on those years when will and emmy were apart and how her life was in California instead on ALEX( I said what i said she got way too much page space in a book that wasn't even hers ).

8. Will's reaction to when em told him about the coffee can and Damon's mom

I really wanted to know how will would react when he find out that emmy saved all these things and how they meant the world to her. And specifically how ther were just under the gazebo he burnt.😅. Just there away from him. Its a short distance.

I also wanted to knew what exactly happened that devil's night and did he or did he not put damon down. Did he freak out?

9. Way less of Alex and Aydin

It was a book of WILL GRAYSON and EMORY SCOTT then why was i reading about another couple who didn't even matter.

I am still bitter about how badly alex treated emory and how rude she was to her without knowing anything. And how both AA had more page space in present timeline than will and em themselves.

Because we all know how AMAZING, AWESOME and SUPERB past will and emory were they were everything, they were chef's kiss. So imagine how awesome they would have been if AA weren't there because now they both confessed their feelings and their is no martin( we were robbed big time).

10. Will's and emory's accomplishments

It wasn't mentioned but i know, i just know that will grayson was homecoming king and emory scott was the valedictorian and she even passed college with achievements.

This girl spent every minute of her wake hours for either school,gazebo or her grandma so yeah.

11. An apology

Emory deserved an apology from kai, Michael, ALEX and will also because they all every single one of them treated her as if she wasn't even a human. And i hated what kai said to her. Alex was rude and wanted to hit her( an abuse victim seriously), Alex was mean and kind of bitchy for no reason at all. Will did her wrong as well but i dont want to elaborate on this.

Soo yeah SHE DESERVED AN APOLOGY.

12. Emory and Will talking

Inwas waiting for will and Emory to talk to each other specially about Emory's abuse and Will's trauma. These two suffered the most and only had each other and they only showed their true selves to them only and yet They didn't talk! But yes tell us Rika's wedding dress color and how is it relevant.

13. Emory's parents

Why does the only thing we know about Emmy's parents is how they died? We should know a little more about them, where is their grave, how were they with emmy, their sweet moments together, them celebrating Emmy's birthday, playing with her in the park.

14. Will's emotion on his arrest day

We got to see everyone's pov when they git arrest but not will. He is the most ignored PD male at this point.

[fave-fight]

ROUND 1, MATCH 26

NO MAGIC, POWERS, OR WEAPONS

Dr. Coomer:

“i… don’t think he would win.”

“HELLO, GORDON!”

Floyd Leech:

“If he stays in human form and has no mage stones, he's just Some Guy, so he still qualifies. This mafia motherfucker would FIGHT. One time when faced with a monster, everyone else was like "oh no, we need magic" and he was like "nah, let's punch it" and then he DID. He hasn't used his pointy teeth in canon yet, but he could in theory bite someone if necessary, and it would hurt like a bitch. He'd fight dirty, I just know it. Let him punch everything and then get punched in the face, it'd be so great.”

“This guy is a menace who almost never uses weapons or tools to terrorize people. He's strong and athletic, smart enough to get what he wants on a whim, and squeezes contract-breakers until they faint on a regular basis.”

“NOTE: Floyd is a magic boy, but the “no mage stone” thing is there because it means he won’t be able to use magic, because people in Twisted Wonderland can’t without accumulating deadly magic toxin unless they have the stones. He’s also a merman, but he’d be in his human form. His human form does have pointy teeth (like the anime character kind) but I’m not sure if they have any real effect in game other than to intimidate people. Other people in this game have them too who are allegedly “human.” And again, plenty of “human” anime characters have them. Myfeeling is that they shouldn’t be disqualifying on their own.  This game is about magic boys at a magic school, but don’t worry, they get into traditional fist-fights so often it’s literally a randomly generated event that can happen in your Guest Room space. And Floyd Leech would never use magic in a fist-fight. He’d think that was “no fun” or “totally lame.” His signature magical spell just nullifies other people’s magic that targets him… so he can fight them with his fists. Since no one else here has magic, it’s totally irrelevant.  Also I’m not sure he uses fists so much as he does something to his opponents that he describes as “squeezing” them. I don’t know entirely what he means by that when he’s in his human form, but how much it scares the faceless NPC students indicates to me that he’s found a way to make it work. I do know it’s supposed to have a whole mafia vibe to it. Because his dad (and his childhood friend he lowkey sort-of works for) have real mafia boss energy. And Floyd’s basically decided that if he’s going to do this mafia shtick it’s Capo or bust. Floyd doesn’t always feel like doing stuff, due to his wildly unpredictable mood swings, but it honestly seems like the thing he can most easily be convinced to do is beat the shit out of people. During the “Beanfest” event (which was somewhat analogous to a paintball match), he insisted on throwing his weapon away and beating up aforementioned childhood friend even though the game was over and he’d already lost, just because apparently “once Floyd has decided to fight nothing can be done about it" and you just have to fight him if you want to get on with the rest of your day. He’d started out that event “not really in the mood” but somehow ended up spending the entire day beating the hell out of every person he ran into. In the camping event, when all of the boys were being picked off by a monster in the woods one at a time and were panicking because they didn’t have magestones or cellphones and therefore couldn’t defend themselves with magic or call an adult for help, Floyd was literally just like “why don’t we just beat the shit out of it?” And then he DID. And it was awesome.  But before you think he’s just some sort of dumb thug, let me assure you that Floyd is actually one of Night Raven’s most intelligent students. He has a photographic memory and can create valuable gems in alchemy class with minimal effort. Unfortunately, his mood swings make it impossible for him to maintain a decent GPA. But he’s actually a smart, tactical fighter. He’s just violent and unstable. Oh and if you’re wondering, his personality is generally abrasive and confrontational. He regularly starts arguments with the most volatile people at the school, just to mess with them and see where it goes because he’s bored.  Finally, if it sweetens the deal for anyone, Floyd would wear some killer designer shoes to this fight. Don’t worry, they wouldn’t be dangerous/weaponized. They’d just be expensive and custom made. You know, so he can get upset when someone scuffs them up.  Like for real, is there anyone who deserves to be in a crazy bitch fist-fight more than a moody mafia prince who’s secretly some sort of genius, but seems to only truly love fighting and designer footwear? If there is, I can’t think of them. ”

[its-kataga]

I think jjk and csm are fundamentally different in some really telling ways. I've heard csm described as "bloodier, zanier jjk" but that's totally wrong I feel. jjk is like, peak action anime. the whole appeal is the hype moments, the emotional gut punches, and so on. it's enjoyable in a very similar way to like, fucking Dragon Ball. so much of what makes the show fun to watch is the power system, the fights, the animation, stuff like that. things that csm is honestly a little bit bad at. csm doesn't explain fucking anything, but that's half the fun: there's nothing scarier than the unknown, and when fucking insane shit happens with no explanation, it ramps up that feeling. it's trying to tell a story first and foremost, the themes, the emotions, the stuff that crow goes insane about, that's the star of the show with csm.

when you watch/read csm, it makes you freeze. you sit there with tingles running up and down your spine, as the incomprehensible horrors are layered on one at a time. when you get to certain moments in the manga, you just tense up. you can't move. and its imagery, its themes of the violence of an "ordinary life" from both the outside and the inside, all that is what sticks with you

when you watch/read jjk, it pumps you up. you want to jump up and down and cheer as they show you one awesome fight after another, animated in the most beautiful style you've ever seen. the spectacle, the fun, that's the appeal. makes you want to shadow box the air. but on a deeper level, jjk doesn't have very high ambitions I feel. it's not trying to say anything about the human condition the way that csm is. you just see the funny men punch each other and go "hell yeah!!!!" and I think jjk does a better job at delivering those hype moments than anything else I've seen

my point is that, I don't think jjk is bad at all, just that its good in a very different sort of way to csm. and it's not at all surprising to me that someone like crow would love csm and be really underwhelmed, or even bored, by jjk, while my roommate Vade, a strong DB fan who cares about hype moments more than anything else, would have jjk as his favorite anime of last year, but be kind of disappointed by csm season 1

another way to drive home the difference is that csm is more than content to show you incomprehensible stuff constantly, but jjk has this thing built into its power system where explaining your ability to your opponent makes it stronger, literally just so the audience can be informed at all times about what everyone can do

[certifiedgoofball]

so i finally watched the devil's chord and i. AUGH!!!! UEUHGH!!!!!!! i watched space babies a couple days ago and it was good ofc but i felt like it was missing something but devil's chord was literally fucking PERFECT. it was scary and emotional and silly and weird all at the same time and i almost cried and i got so many goosebumps and i just AAHH!!!!! OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!! MAJOR SPOILERS FOR THE EP UNDER THE CUT. GIANT RANT. I AM AUTISM.

i already have a giant bias towards the episode cuz one of my longest interests has been music and instruments but oh my fucking GOD the way they talked about music and hearing classical songs that i knew almost sent me to tears IM NOT JOKING. ruby playing the piano was so awesome and hearing saint saen's danse macabre made me feel like i was going to ascend into the heavens. putting doctor who and classical music, two of my biggest interests, together, was the best thing imaginable. I LITERALLY CANT DESCRIBE HOW HAPPY THIS EPISODE MAKES ME.

SECONDLY, I LOVED MAESTRO. like the toymaker (who i also adore so SO incredibly much), they have this silly evilness to them that makes them so INTERESTING!!! and then finding out maestro is the child of the toymaker was EVERYTHING. BECAUSE IT MAKES SO MUCH SENSE. jinkx monsoon, the person that plays maestro, says some stuff about them that explains why i love them so much. "When human rules don't apply to you, you get to do whatever you want. You don't have to worry about whether your emotions make sense to people because you don't have to answer to them." and "What I love about Maestro is that, while objectively evil, they are an artist, they have a mission statement. " THESE ARE THE EXACT REASONS I LOVE THE TOYMAKER AND MAESTRO SO MUCH. both of them are other-worldly beings. they're gods of their own realms. they're dramatic and passionate and so dead-set on getting what they want. but its not just about getting what they want, its about having fun with it and turning it into a show. because what's the point in going out if you cant go out with a BANG?

something else i loved was the doctor in this episode. ncuti gatwa's doctor, like david tennant's, is so extremely emotional and passionate and it makes me want to SOB. the doctor mentioning his granddaughter? TEARS IN MY EYES. "i can only smile like this because ive lost so much" SOBBING ON THE FLOOR. the 15th doctor has already been so emotional and i know im gonna cry so so much while he's around. BUT THATS SOMETHING I LOVE ABOUT DOCTOR WHO. because it can be so silly and weird and funny and then it can turn around and be spine-chilling and emotional ALL IN THE SAME EPISODE. because when you think about it, the story of the doctor is HEARTBREAKING. and when that side of him comes out you HAVE to expect the waterworks.

AND THEN RUBY THE ENTIRE EPISODE ???? i know theres something up with her and i just OH MY GOD!!! BECAUSE THE SNOW??? THIS EPISODE AND LAST EPISODE? AND THE SOUND OF CHRISTMAS?????? im gnawing on the bars of my enclosure I NEED TO KNOW. shes so interesting I CANT STOP THINKING ABOUT IT because its like who's her mom?? whys she able to do the snow thing?? how did she have a song in her ????? AND MAESTRO SAYING THINGS LIKE "no he couldnt be there" "the old one couldn't've been there" WHO IS THAT. WHAT DO YOU MEAN.

IM GOING INSANE. IM SO EXCITED TO SEE WHAT HAPPENS NEXT I COULD EXPLODE INTO A MILLION PIECES.

[idkwhatimdoinghere1655]

British GP 2024!

Mads' Race Recap!

Ok so this is a bit of a different race recap, since I was there at Silverstone this weekend and I got to watch the pretty cars and handsome boys go vroom vroom! So there are definitely things that I will have missed as they weren't show on the screens or it didn't happen right in front of me, so bear with.

Just want to also say what a brilliant weekend I had. It was truly awesome to see my literal hero (Chazzles Leclezzles) in the flesh and get to see him screw around with Carlitos all weekend. Watching the football with George and Lewis was also epic. Such a fucking cool weekend, I can't even describe it. I would post videos, but they all have me screaming in the back or giggling uncontrollably.

Red Bull - Right, if you had told me that this time last year, I would be cheering for Max Verstappen, I would call you a fucking dipshit. BUT NO. There I was, sat on a wall, screaming for Max to overtake Lando... look, it's all for Charles' points, OK? I want that P2 in the championship and I think it is the least that that man deserves, but we'll get there in a few. Anyway, how Max was faster than the fastest car on the grid on softs on the hard tyres himself is unreal and henceforth why he deserved that P2 more than Lando. And it was Lando's call to go for the softs so there is no one to blame but himself. Again, not who I'm meant to be talking about but I digress. Checo needs firing, OK? Just get rid of the man. This is the 47932874 week in a row that he has faffed it up. We're at a point where both Ferraris, both Mercs and a McLaren have won races, but not both Red Bulls? This guys seriously needs to step up or step out. Even with Charles' monumental fuck up (that was not his fault in the slightest), he STILL finished 17th. The only one behind him was ZHOU IN HIS FUCKING WHEELIE BIN ARE YOU KIDDING ME CHECO-

Ferrari - I went for Charlos, and Charlos is what I got. But they fucked Charles over so goddamn badly I cannot even describe to you how mad I was. I literally yelled 'the fuck are you doing it's sunny!'. There weren't any clouds incoming, they were a solid 4 minutes away. They tried to be clever and bring him in before everyone else, but they instead completely ruined his race and finished off an already shitty weekend for the poor guy. What else does he have to do? He has proven that he has the ability time and time and time again and they give him absolute bullshit like this and I have fucking had it. Charles is a world champion, but he's not going to be unless they get their shit together and start using more than a single brain cell between them. He had a great start, nice overtake on Lance, and then he got absolutely screwed. The amount of anger I felt was unparallelled. If I was him, I would've retired the car and quit right then and there. But he carried on like he always does, and gave it his all as usual. I adore him, it was so so so cool to see him drive, even if it didn't pan out how we all wanted. Also, Matt from FP1 (got to see them live, it was great) said he thinks Charles sold his soul to the devil for the Monaco win, and I agree. Meanwhile, on the other side of the garage, Carlos was doing pretty well. Qualis were disappointing, but not too bad overall. There was no point in trying to scrap Oscar, Oscar was a lot quicker. I would've liked the P4, but my boy got fastest lap so I will take that. Can I just say this man looked so done during the drivers parade like... he didn't want to be there. Anyway, I went all dressed in Forza Ferrari colours, might not have been the race we wanted for them, but I got to see Carlos in the Ferrari for the first and last time, so I won't complain. Forza Ferrari. Forza Charlos.

McLaren - Oscar could've 100% had a shot at winning that race if they hadn't pulled him in too late for inters. That's just how it was. He drove great just as he always does, if they had brought him in earlier, he definitely could've won. Lando came P3 on his own accord, he could've won. There were so many people with Lando merch on and I was like no people no. People were feral for this man. Everyone else had to sit on the same truck for the drivers parade, but he got to go around on his own little McLaren. Was pretty sick though I can't lie.

Mercedes - LEWIS HAMILTON OH MY GOD I GOT TO SEE HIM WIN AND I GOT TO SEE IT LIVE AND WE ALL CHEERED AND WE WATCHED THE FOOTBALL WITH HIM AND WE SAW HIM CRY AND ONTOP OF THE PODUM AND EVERYTHING IT WAS SO SO SO SO SO SICK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What a drive from Lewis, seriously. He did so well, so happy, loved hearing the anthem twice in a day. On the complete other hand, I could have sobbed for George. I nearly did sob for George. I saw him go into the pits and we all thought that he was pitting really early, but then his name dropped and he was out of the race. I was gutted for the man, seriously. Him getting pole was so cool but then he was out, just like that. I was so devastated, we all were. Thank you Lewis, for such an emotional win on home soil in front of the people that adore you the most. And thank you George for giving us all hope and being an absolute comedic genius.

Aston Martin - Got to see their HQ opposite the circuit, that was really cool. They did a lot better this week, which was nice to see. Finally a top 10 finish, but didn't see much of them this weekend.

VCARB/RB/REDBULLSHITTYEDITION - Again, didn't see much of these two over the course of the weekend. Yuki got points though! So that's always a nice little thing for him.

Haas - NICO HULKENBERG WHAT ARE YOU DOING THIS WEEKEND JESUS LORD. When he got a fastest time in... Q2 I think, everyone around us went 'what?' with a collective gasp of surprise. He overtook Lance and absolutely slayed, came out with 8 points, I was so happy. And I was just glad to see Kevin icl I have become a big KMAG fan as of recent and I love him. I want Kevin merch. I've decided I want Kevin merch.

Alpine - What a shit show. Got to see Pierre spin out right in front of me in FP3, so that was one of the best parts of my weekend. Then he just never came out. We were counting Alpines and only ever saw Estie so that was that. Estie did what he could have bless him.

Williams - They did well this weekend I can't even pretend like they didn't. Logan was close to points, Alex got some points, they did wonderful.

Kick Sauber - Zhou got into Q2, what a slay, great job. VALTTERI FINISHED IN FRONT OF A RED BULL LET'S GO JAMES IT'S VALTTERI AAKSDLASKDJASLDKJA

[toyota-supra]

My Top 10 Favorite Games I Played In 2023

In chronological order. It's a long one.

Titanfall 2

I've been told to play this for years now, though for most of those I did not really know why, as it never seemed like my kind of game. But, ever since I started really getting into mecha sometime in 2022, I decided to finally give it a try. I'm very glad I did. Titanfall 2 is a criminally short First Person Shooter with a very fun mech/pilot dynamic, really good mechanics of movement and combat for both, and some of my favorite level design of any game I've played in a long while. The platforming is crazy good! The mechanics are tight as hell! The mech is awesome! I recommend Titanfall 2 for literally anyone reading this.

Mega Man Zero

The Zero series is the one that most called to me in the Mega Man franchise every time I looked these games over, and I was right in that judgement. While I couldn't say if I was going to appreciate most of the GBA era action platformer difficulty or not, it was clear from Zero's more agile movement and bite-sized missions with very memorization-heavy bosses that I would enjoy it. And I did enjoy it a lot! Most of the bosses kicked my ass but it was an absolute blast to finally learn their patterns enough to defeat them. The problem is, I went out of my way to not get any of the game's health upgrades or energy tanks, making the final boss so hard for me that after days and days of attempts I gave up. Not beating Mega Man Zero is probably my biggest regret of the year lmao

Fate/Stay Night

Honestly, what do I even say? You can see my Saber icon, right? Fate is a franchise I never bothered to get close to, knowing of its name only through vague images and names of more popular characters (not even from FGO, just in general), and from later on getting to know that Fate/Grand Order was the game it is I felt like it wasn't for me at all and who cares. So when I learned what the original VN was actually about I felt stupid. How could something so fitting to my tastes have gone under my radar for so long...? Despite not being much of a reader in general, F/SN is a very long game that feels like it's just as short as you need it to be. The prose flows so well, every single character is lovable in many ways, and there's so much passion written into them and the situations they're in that it's one of the most smooth-flowing VNs I've read (which granted are not many) even though it's around the high 6 digit wordcounts. I love this game dearly.

Stranger of Paradise - Final Fantasy Origin

I wanted to play this game since the first few trailers! How cruel was it that, not only did I not have a powerful enough machine at the time, but the game wasn't even on Steam until the year after release? Final Fantasy Origin is the game it presents itself to be. There's something about it that's so special to a certain kind of person (which I happen to be one of) and that falls flat for everyone else. The combat and its many Weapons, Jobs and Skills to use are just fantastic in how nice they feel, and I really do like the type of story Stranger tells. I haven't finished it yet, but I'm close to it. I like to describe Stranger of Paradise as everything good about PS2 and PS3 games in a modern title.

Pseudoregalia

An old feeling from a new friend. Pseudoregalia is everything I like in 3D Platforming, and a little bit of what I don't. If you've ever looked at a single gif or video of Super Mario 64 and thought, "this looks pretty fun to play," you should be playing Pseudoregalia. If you like goat ladies with big butts, I can't say I understand if that would sell you on a game or not, but it is a feature everyone mentions. I wrote on this game already, so please do check that out and get it. It's one of the three titles of this list that came out this year, and I have not heard enough people talk about it.

Armored Core VI - Fires of Rubicon

My favorite in this list, which is funny because I don't know what to say about it at all. Armored Core is a series I've been studying up on from the outside for a while, and the announcement for this title was my reason to finally dive in. Unfortunately, I did not get past playing the first mission of AC1 a few times and booting up AC3 once. But I will get to it eventually! Fires of Rubicon is one hell of an action game, that I adored for every single one of my (currently) 67 hours of play. Going through the campaign with builds a little too busted for the AI most of the time was my dishonorable focus of the experience, but there's a lot else to do for every kind of person. The amount of freedom you have for messing with your builds for either single or multiplayer is not to be underestimated. Though it could be better. Here's hoping there will be a game that is.

Midnight Club 3 DUB Edition Remix

I played this game as a kid so much that the main menu and its theme are scarred into my mind, yet this whole time I had no idea what the game was actually like due to the fact that most of my playtime was doing a few races and just cruising around. Once you dive into trying to finish the story, MC3 is a much different experience. One that frustrated me so much, I got actually ill from the stress. Please take breaks, gamers! Your health is more important than finishing an 18 year old game! Still, I did eventually do it. Midnight Club 3's handling model and gameplay structure are really impressive in comparison to the much more popular Need for Speed series, and I have to admit I did enjoy the game a lot. It's just a lot harder than it ever needed to be. I'll probably never forget this game, and that's not really a good or bad thing. Just, advice from me, if it gets too hard, maybe switch to sports bikes. Buy that Ducati.

Test Drive Unlimited

Another car game, but this one I have the least to say about of any on this list. I had played TDU on PS2 multiple times before and thought it was awesome. The atmosphere and immersion of this game are unrivaled by any racing game to this day. But playing the PC version with a steering wheel and pedals made everything so much more incredible. I played the Platinum mod, which adds hundreds more cars and fixes a lot of issues with the original game (but not all of them; the game was still really rough and I hate how much the resolution is a pain to change). Overall, one of my favorite experiences with a steering wheel controller so far. Otherwise, a pretty good game if you like driving.

Super Mario Sunshine

An old friend, and a new feeling. I don't play 3D platformers as much as I wish I did, because they're really not part of my main priorities looking for games lately, but every time I play a Mario game, it's like I found love again. It was not the first time I played Super Mario Sunshine, as I had collected a dozen or so Sprites years before, but playing the whole game in I think two weeks during the latter half of the year was such an incredible experience. Unless for some reason you play it on the Switch, Sunshine is a game that loves you as much as you love it. And you do love it, right? I know I do. I'd love to play this game many other times in the future. Granted, that applies to every game here, I just wanted to say it out loud for this one.

Lethal Company

A fairly recent release! Having played it with many groups of people by now, both modded and vanilla, I think Lethal Company is probably one of my favorite multiplayer experiences ever. It is scary and hilarious, but also just really really good, to a level that surprised me for my quality standards of co-op (horror) games. Lethal Company turns friends into improvised horror movie actors and it's incredible. I'm almost at 30 hours played and will likely get to 40 at minimum. It's also pretty cheap and likely runs well on all sorts of machines, so consider checking this one out too.

Honorable Mentions

Witch on the Holy Night and Story of Seasons - Friends of Mineral Town are games I am adoring and could definitely go on this list, hadn't I started them both quite late into December. Maybe next year I'll give them a shoutout!

[zishu-arts]

do you have any writing tips in general? I admire your stuff a lot and I write too so if you have any it'd be awesome :)

ahh thank you !!!!

generally speaking, i’d say just try writing A LOT. write about anything. write a bunch of different things, try different styles and such. it’s okay to mess around and stuff

also DONT READ WHAT YOUVE ALREADY WRITTEN. i feel like rereading your words over and over while you’re still writing really wears it down and makes writing seem like such a chore. just let the words flow, and once you run out of your juice, you can go back and read it (if you like. personally i don’t think i’ve read a lick of my words after i’d written them, only a few days after i’ve posted fics did i actually read them)

something else is like, if you feel like your story’s stale or like you’re not too good with narrative, you could always add on a story when you mention/describe something. like, if your character is at the park, you can mention how they used to spend the whole day picking out four leaf clovers and collecting pinecones. it’s a nice thing to add onto instead of just leaving it at saying character A is at the park, and the park had a lot of trees in it. it sort of adds onto the character’s like, realism? if that’s the word

if it’s for like technical/format tips, always remember to create a new paragraph every time a different person speaks or the topic changes. try not to overload paragraphs too much because it can get very muddy and hard to read

don’t feel pressured to have a draft before writing. i don’t think i’ve ever written a draft in my life. sometimes it helps people, but for me, as soon as the words get written down, i am NOT coming back to it. it’s okay to wing it a little and just let your words and brain work

i’ve seen this tip elsewhere before, but try to minimize the use of “Character A felt” or “It feels like” when describing something. It falls flat on reader’s imagination when you’ve already stated that Character A was starting to panic. it helps if you describe things like dizziness, lack of air, ringing in ears, numbing in fingers, racing heart, muffled noises, etc. it allows readers to feel the panic while it’s happening and makes things seem more real

let your own feelings be written down. a lot of my fics come from my own personal feelings at different times (like anxiety or neurodivergence and such) or, i would try to imagine what if would feel like to be in x situation. it helps to be able to write a scene if you’re able to know what the experience is like.

that’s all i can think of off the top of my head. i hope it helped !!! im not really sure what im doing when i write cause im literally winging everything, but hopefully these can help :)

[ekiveki]

TMNT 2012 MIKEY FANFIC RECOMMENDATIONS!!!! <333

First, I wanna say tysm for the likes on the last list, I really, really appreciate it <333

Now, onto the fanfics!!!!!

Self-Harm by KKscendants

I cannot explain how much I love this fanfic

I love the concept, I love how it's not like, straight forward and actually needs emotional thinking and stuff

(I literally cannot explain-)

I don't wanna give out any spoilers, but plz go read it, it's amazing!!!

The observation

by crawlingupawall

I ADORE FARMHOUSE ARC SM!!!!!!

IT IS JUST SO GOOD LIKE-

Yea anyway, it's mostly view in Donnie's pov but it is extremely Mikey centric

Drop by Drop is The Water Pot Filled

by ViviTheGhosty

OMG, I CANNOT express how I love this

And ik I say that ab every fanfic I recommend, but I really think that all of them are really, really really good! And awesome! That's why I'm recommending them anyway

I don't like giving out spoilers so that's why I don't really describe any fanfics I talk about so yea-

swallow down (all your regrets)

by Keeryd

This one was just hella relatable if you ask me-

It is kinda short but I love it

(Idk what else to say lmao)

But anyway, I highly recommend checking Keeryd's account, I love everything they write <333

Mikey's Super Thinker Book!!! DO NOT READ!!! D:<

by YouDontKnowMe (Annonimous1000)

I'm honestly re-reading this one

I don't remove much of it, I just remember loving it (help-?)

Mikey's Cookbook

by Fighting Gold ButCoda

I think after reading the ones I already recommended, you will release that I deeply love mikey ED fanfics (totally not self-reflecting or whatever 🤭)

Anyway-

Entailment, maybe

by GOk1ttyg0

Ermm, yea-

(Idk what to type anymore, srry (ヽ´ω`) )

Mirum Videre

by short_bc_of_coffee

YES, OM YES

ONE OF MY FAV FANFICS EVER

I think that ppl dont talk ab psychosis that much, or at least not the correct way-

I adore this fanfic

I also love the b-team ^^

So this was very fun for me

And ofc, always read tags in any fanfic you're about to read; for tw and cw

Mikey's one shots

by SaheyMeine

I love the fanfic, but I adore the first chapter (character analysis)

i can make you happy, too!

by paindump

<3333

(I'm losing my mind)

Answers I Didn't Know I Needed

by PixiePerson19

(Oh, this is rottmnt mikey btw, I just want to put it in here)

I haven't read this one so I'm kinda nervous to put it in this list-

This is the first story I'm putting on the list without actually reading it

It's been in my 'to read' for a while so I'm just gonna trust my instincts and say that is pretty a lovely story <3

(Also, let it be known that the author (PixiePerson19) is literally hunting me,

I've seen them comment on almost every fanfic I've ever read, so now every time I open comments I bet that I will se them)

(Like, sir, what did I do to you ( ; ﾟДﾟ) )

Anyway, got distracted again-

Umm-

Idk-

That's enough for today :D

My goal was like 20 fanfics but I ended up with 11-12 of them, srry ( ﾟεﾟ；)

Plz tell me if you see any mistakes (like grammar mistakes, or maybe I imported the wrong link or sm-)

And, I'm so, so, so, sorry for basically lying about how fast will this list come out

I really thought I could do it fast but then a lot of things happened, and

yaddi, yaddi, yadda

So yea, haha-

I hope you love these fanfic as much as me <3

Have fun reading!!!

[andromedaexists]

The Death I Gave Him || Em X. Liu

★★★★★

TW: SELF HARM (ON PAGE, WARNED), SUICIDAL IDEATION, SUICIDE (PAST, MENTIONED), MAJOR + SIDE CHARACTER DEATH

I feel like I need to mention how this book was recommended to me

Now that we know this very relevant background: The Death I Gave Him is one of the most mind meltingly fucked up thing I've read in a while, and I've gotten into erotic horror as of late

It is a queer and sci-fi retelling of hamlet that managed to be even more fucked up than the original, something I didn't think possible. Did it hit the sci-fi mark? Yes absolutely as soon as Horatio was introduced that was a yes. Is it queer? 100% it is because idk how else to describe what happens with Hayden and Horatio. Is it Hamlet??? Absolutely it is Hamlet may not be present by name but good fucking lord is the story interwoven into the very fabric of this book.

This book is also very unique in it's presentation, which I fucking love omg. It starts with a prologue that's less of a prologue and more of an academic introduction into the rest of the book. You see, this book and the recounting of what happened that night in Elsinore Labs is a recreation by a student a hundred years later based on what remaining evidence they have of the events. This is really fucking cool!!! Please give me more books like this!!! Learning about the student and their motivations through footnotes in the book is so fucking awesome!! Seeing where they had evidence for what happened versus where they created a fictional account based on personality, probability, and remaining dialog…. Stunning. Truly.

I also quite loved the interspersing of mediums in this book. We have traditional fictionalized prose mixed in with excerpts from Felicia's article after the events mixed in with readings from Horatio's systems and message logs from Felicia's pager!

It's all just so brilliant.

I'm making the call here to add the spoiler warning because I want to get into the characters a bit, so just be warned [SPOILERS AHEAD]

So, as per Hamlet, the first thing to happen is the death of the King. This time, our King is Dr. Graham Lichfield. A renowned scientist and researcher working on the Sisyphus Formula.

His son is Hamlet, of course. He's known as Hayden in this book and we get to see his descent into madness mostly through other people's (or other AI's) eyes. He is a pathetic man with no spine, just the way Hamlet should be.

Hayden's Uncle is Charles, of course. He didn't work on research with Graham and Hayden, but he does run the labs more or less.

Then we have the security guard: Rasmussen. I think he's supposed to be a stand in for Rosencrantz & Gildenstern, but honestly I read Hamlet back in high school and though I watch it at least once a year (David Tennant is the best Hamlet, I will die on this hill), I don't really ever remember Rosencrantz & Gildenstern. So this is just an educated guess.

From here, we have the Xia's. Felicia Xia and her father, Paul Xia. They are security and they are our Ophelia and Polonius. The brother exists as well in Arthur Xia, however he is not physically in the building and does not show up until literally the last chapter.

That leaves one. Horatio. Also knows as the Elsinore Labs Operating System. He is the AI of the building that has slowly gained consciousness over Hayden's life. He is also intrinsically linked to Hayden after the man turns on his NeuralLink so we know a lot about what's going on in Hayden's head because that's where Horatio resides.

Of course another key player in Hamlet was his mother, and while she is present as a character, she is not physically in the building.

And why do I keep saying physically in the building? Well that's because after the death of Graham; Hayden, Charles, Rasmussen, Paul and Felicia Xia, and Horatio are locked into Elsinore Labs. That's right, this is a locked door thriller.

This book is everything to me, like I am genuinely just so…. god I can't even think of the words for it and I am writing this the day after I finished it!!!

I was on the edge of my seat the entire way through the book, especially when we get lines like these:

It was Hayden Lichfield who I remembered. Not because he was brilliant (though he was), but because he was afraid.

Hayden Lichfield was afraid of death, because he was afraid of failure, and he spent his whole life trying to reverse it.

Hayden was not like me, but he was afraid of the same things that I was, and his fear changed the world.

What we understand of Horatio is inextricably entangled in what we understand of Hayden.

I would haunt you very cautiously. Leave some vague messages alluding to my existential dread in your shower every morning. Nothing special.

The Sisyphus Formula wasn't enough. It was never enough.

Do you want to live because you want to live, or because you're afraid to die?

Then be afraid. I will take you afraid and alive over anything else.

He splits himself open, willing or not, digs fingers into himself, thinks maybe the edges of death are pressing in at the edges, maybe finally he will find repentance here at the end of all things.

Just because you've been a jackass doesn't mean you've messed everything up irrevocably. You'll have good days and shit days and eventually there'll just be days, you know?

I am feral for this book, I am foaming at the mouth. I need to be buried with this book when I die. This book is intrinsically a part of who I am not in the same way that The Teras Trials and Bloom are. It speaks to something in my very soul

Anyways! I think that's really all I can say on this book without writing a whole ass analysis of it (which I would gladly do if people wanted that), so I will leave it here!

[codecicle]

Read the intro post

wow what a cool and awesome person...

FUCKING 14 YOU ARE A CHILD MY GOOD SIR??? /LH

1: YOOOOOO YOU THINK IM A COOL AND AWESOME PERSON?? THANKS MAN :DD and 2: LMAOOOOOO YEA I AM!! I've been on here since I was like, 11-ish? not sure. my friend introduced me to tumblr during the beginning of my 7th grade year! (and fun fact: that same friend is both my mutual and the person that gave me my nickname actually!! which turned into my url ^_^)

anyway, I'm going to rant underneath your ask about being a child now im so sorry 😔

It's always been so weird being as young as I am both on tumblr and in the fandom space I'm currently a part of. Like realistically, a 14 y/o boy liking minecraft/mcyt sounds really normal but I don't know anyone my age that is open about being a part of this space. I think growing up on tumblr instead or twitter or tiktok honestly really helped when it comes to being happy in my intrests, since almost every other freshman to ever exist has no idea what this website is and they have no chance of ever finding my posts to make fun of me with them. I still use the other two, but I don't post and I only really open them when a cc like Charlie or Ted posts.

It's hilarious to me that because of my current intrests (jrwi and charlie in general) almost everyone that I'm friends with on here are much older minors or adults, mainly because charlie has a pretty mature and well rounded audience (THANK FUCKING GOD 🙏🙏), but also because everybody else my age that are in this fandom are on tiktok. Using tiktok for me and actually posting is kinda unsafe because of the way the tiktok contact sharing works? if someone from my classes finds it through "recommend accounts" then they can look through my account and harrass me if they recognize who it is. Not to steal a Charlie Slimecicle quote for a second, but I was rewatching an old podcast episode from the very beginning of 2020 and he described it as "elevated highschool" which I 100% agree with. Even 3 years later it's still very much just a higher form of highschool bullshit to have to deal with.

But since I don't post on tiktok I don't really have much to worry about!! My account is blank and it's the same @ as my url so nobody should recognize it and put a face to a name which im grateful for. However, being on tumblr isn't the greatest either;

People on here are all adults and I feel a little bit intimidated? In a sense? I understand that I'm a LOT different than most kids my age and I don't typically have anything to worry about but!! I feel like that's what makes it worse. The other people my age that were or still are on here don't understand tumblr etiquette, don't understand not to act like this is twitter and not have stupid cubito discourse, or just aren't funny? Idk I've just never found anyone my age (with the exception of like 3 of my mutuals you guys are amazing and I love you) that I can really talk to on here, so all of the friends I've made are much much older. I'm smart with who I talk to and how I talk to them so I'm safe don't worry!! My parents raised me right and online safety is such a wonderful thing, but one of my closest mutuals on here is in college right now, and the others are juniors or seniors in highschool. I kept my age out of my bio for so long but honestly that was because I was terrified I would scare away the people that I trusted so much because literally obviously it's going to feel weird for them to be mutuals with a genuine honest to god child. I'm relatively close to turning 15 so I'm getting less and less worried about stuff like that happening but eh that was still a real fear for a while.

Anyway sorry for the rant!! TLDR; highschool sucks, I'm scared of being this young on a platform and fandom full of adults and I have to be extra careful, and also charlie slimecicle is a pretty cool guy to look up to so I feel like him being [vine boom sound effect] my COMFORT STREAMER kinda works out in my favor ngl :D

[spacedhead]

homestuck reread #18: the prologue (briefly) and meat p1

----brief context----

i sorta fell out of homestuck a little after i finished it and its november now but in light of james roach reviving homestuck beyond canon i figured i might as well get the ball rolling on this. i originally started this post in september but i couldnt find it in myself to continue reading due to not liking where the story was going and also finding myself having a new hyperfixation

----end of context----

september 7th:

okay im gonna make a rule that this shit show thats about to happen is NOT CANON to me and in my head they won and then they created earth c and they all lived happily without any of this inane bullshit thats coming up.

ok to start off look at these fucking tags dude oh my god this is gonna be so BAD man what the FUCK did they do to these characters

theres no art which actually sucks! but with these tags maybe its good they didnt show this in images. instead they just describe it in excruciating detail. anyway, here's the first character interaction in here.... they both feel different. even in this brief exchange, something feels... off. maybe its just cause theyre older but they feel distinctly more... angsty? maybe they just seem sad. i dunno. homestuck has its sad moments but for the most part the characters arent like. sad people

/rolls eyes yeah i like the reference but not in this context...

ok so rose just explained what john has to do which is go back into canon and defeat lord english but.... this is really fucked up man . she knows

meat or candy.... fuck which one should i read first.... do i wanna be sad sooner or sad later ... MAN the epilogues SUCK!!!!! FUCK

um okay this is really gross. what is the point of this?? like EW john what the fuck

ok this is fine i guess i mean i like davekat

i guess i also like how he still has this weird obsession with obama

november 10th:

im back . but i think updates to this series will be slower. i need to ease myself back into it yknow? also. if i hadnt made it clear. i DO NOT LIKE the epilogues. especially because homestuck proper is my FAVORITE MEDIA OF ALL TIME. seeing the characters i love ruined like this in what is the most official capacity it could be in is.... just. sad to me. anyway. dave predicts the future about obama . cool.

yeah i do too man. cant have shit around here

yeah like. what even is this plot. jane has become this evil xenophobic cartoon ass villain. and everyones just like. damn thats crazy that shes just like that now. i also dont even understand WHY she wants to be president of earth c. like literally everyone else is just chilling. god whatever

brother he is not coming back

also, this has nothing to do with the epilogues per se. but at the time of writing this tomorrow will be 11/11. i am a little bit expecting a homestuck beyond canon updateeee hehehe . also burning down the house which is a really really good homestuck fan comic is supposed to update too. so awesome. hopefully both of those things happen. or even like. just one. anyway back to this slop

casual dave xenophobia classic dave you know how it is he would definitely be like this for real i believe this

man this would be so cool if it was like. drawn. i wish i could see it instead of having to envision it in my minds eye. not that i dont appreciate my minds eye for what she has to offer me but. imagine this what this panel would look like

noooooo FUCK

stares at you furiously judgementally

okay both of them most likely dont know shit about shit and neither do i but dave at least grew up in a time where there were people around and things happening and dirk thinks he knows everything but he actually doesnt know anything so i wouldnt trust him on fiscal policy

fym nuh uh

average teen roxy adult john interaction

literally down ontologically at this point

blah blah blah ultimate self blah blah evil arc WHO CARES. im bored. can i say that. i seriously D. GAF about dirk rn. monkey d. gaf

bro i fucking HATE JANE. LIKE WHAT ARE YOU EVEN SAYING RIGHT NOW

i dont have much to say about this i just thought it was worth putting here

nah. cause what the hell are you talking about girl. hello. why is she so horny. ong bro u gotta relax

okay well. this is pretty funny . hes dave and im karkat and we are the denial brothers

youre so intolerable is crazy. like hes trying to help you because you are bleeding tf out girl

wow. jane jake kiss. this rules. SAID NO ONE EVER. jake is asexual. jane is a nazi. and I. AM TIRED. OF THIS!!!!!!! I DONT CARE ABOUT ANYTHING THAT IS HAPPENING .

wait fuck

marvel ass dialogue

NOOOO WHAT THE FUCK

okay this is the end of the first epilogues post. initial thoughts i dont like it why did i do this i dont wanna do it. but you know what they say in order to ascend first you must descend. little homestuck reference for you all. um idk when the next post will be im sorta busier than i used to be. and also? this sucks i dont like reading it

[sayakxmi]

[Magi rewatch] Episode 9: A Prince's Duty [Part 1]

I'm sorry you what.

I literally went out of my way to check the English version, just to have the words I'm referring to. Like, military? That wasn't mentioned in the manga. And, frankly, it didn't seem like he was working for any military.

Ok, you know, this is actually hilarious. Like, it's supposed to be dramatic, but Alibaba really just came up to the guy, asked what happened to the city, just like that, and the guy IMMEDIATELY understood what Alibaba was referring to.

Man, that's a far more dramatic reintroduction than what happened in the manga. A reminder, that in the manga Alibaba just... paid some guy to take him to Cassim.

Still funny, but won't top the manga one. That "angry" just did it for me.

He's going into more details here.

Alibaba actually falls to his knees here. Makes sense, kinda. Like, in the manga he was probably still very in that Disbelief phase, but here he's literally in front of a grave. He cries, too.

Ok, a small thing here is how much angrier Alibaba looks? In the manga he's more shocked & scared, I'd say?

Ok, that's a bit different, again. First of all, Alibaba's more concerned about stealing & the fact that sooner or later Cassim will be caught, and Cassim's like YOU THINK I DON'T KNOW THAT? BUT what else can I do? And, nah, I think like the manga captured Cassim's desperation/despair far better by him just going quiet. And also the fact, that it's not about "stealing bad", and more "we're still missing something".

Mildly creepy, but, seriously, can't hold a candle to how manga made it look. This entire moment, really. Like, in the manga he looks kind of evil, as much as I hate to use that word to describe anything, since, well, it describes jack shit. But other ones I have is "unhinged", and I'm not entirely sure if that's the one I'd consider fitting, either.

Also, the way he grabs Alibaba in the manga seems far more forceful & Alibaba looks lowkey scared. In the anime it was kind of casual, ngl, Alibaba basially being like Hm?

Also, in the manga Alibaba seemed more aware of the risk of a war happening, and, frankly, in more despair than in the anime. There's just something about the way his eyes looked, kind of empty, that's missing from the anime, yknow? Also, there's more of Alibaba saying stuff like, he can't just do nothing while his people suffer.

That actually looks awesome. Strongly considering using this as my avatar.

Lmao

Them.

Morgiana who

In the manga he actually flinched when the explosion happened, it was way funnier. That being said, Ja'far's expression looks so silly.

What an entrance. And that goddamn moon.

Well, that looks kind of scary

Bad shit happening

Bro, I'm just. What's up with that moon. Why is it so big all of sudden. Ffs maybe there seriously are two.

Rip Hassan.

GRABS

Also, ok, I didn't like this one. In the manga Morgiana steps in front of Alibaba & asks if he actually wants to come with Cassim before doing anything (and he cannot answer her), and when later Cassim grabs Alibaba, she does attack. But the thing is, in the anime she never asks, she just attacks. It's not... horrible, I guess. With the way Alibaba was being dragged seemed pretty obvious that he doesn't want to go, but I liked that small moment of Morgiana, well, just stepping in front of Alibaba first and asking. Because, honestly? Her asking was likely a good semi-wake up call for Alibaba. Does he? And that's what makes him actually confront that thought. But in the anime it doesn't happen.

Gdi Anime!Morgiana, why are you so judgemental here. "What are you going to do, Alibaba-san? They're still just a band of thieves!"

All the players are here.

[death-and-other-myths]

The Song of Achilles

By Madeline Miller

I'm an uncultured swine and have never read Homer's Iliad. But I have read The Song of Achilles, and wrote an unhinged review/recap as I completed chapters!

*SPOILERS AHEAD*

So I’ve been hearing about this book for a while. All I know about it is that it’s Greek? (Roman?? God I wish I paid more attention in school) and is a romance story of homosexual nature. And everyone says it’s really powerful and is going to make me cry. 

I’m like six chapters in and I can already tell I’m going to cry at some point. Not just because of the story, but because of the incredible amount of care in the writing. These prose are BEAUTIFUL. Not one word is wasted and Madeline Miller is just exceptionally talented with describing heady emotional things. I’m wowed. 

So this story is told from the perspective of Patroclus. He is a prince! And his father is an abusive piece of shit. Just an awful, boorish human. 

One year, their kingdom gets to host “the games” (I’m assuming like… the Olympic Games) and Patroclus is too weak to compete in the kids competitions, but he watches some kid from the neighboring kingdom just decimate the competition. He’s fast and blonde and a wonder kid. So it’s awesome that his father quite literally tells Patroclus “That’s what a son should be.”

See? This guy is such a dick!

Patroclus’ mother is mentally handicapped. It’s mentioned she has a scar on her temple from where her father once hit her. So that’s awful. 

Oh, also Greek gods and goddesses are a thing in this world! Like a legitimate thing and not just legends or part of a religion or something. They come down and hang out with the mortals all the time like it’s totally fucking normal. I love it. 

When Patroclus is nine, his father drags him to compete for some random princess’ hand in marriage, and poor Patroclus is the only suitor that’s younger than twenty. Like… what was the thinking here, Dad? What the fuck? The princess, Helen, is rumored to be crazy beautiful (she’s wearing a veil) and these guys are falling all over her. Her father makes the suitors swear to protect her always, and even little Patroclus takes the oath because everyone else is. Helen is asked to choose a man, and of course doesn’t choose the nine year old. And this all just reinforces to Patroclus that he is small and weak and not enough for his father. 

So ten year old Patroclus is standing in a field one day when some fat, noble asshat kid comes and bullies him. Like… even though he’s a prince, the noble kids still pick on him. And his Dad doesn’t give a shit. They get into an argument over some dice and the fat kid stumbles and promptly EXPLODES HIS HEAD ON A ROCK. Patroclus is just like… horrified. The noble family demands punishment and Pat’s Dad is like “Whatever I’ll just banish him. I never liked this kid anyway.” — So Patroclus is sent to a neighboring kingdom and stripped of his title. 

Well thank god this neighboring kingdom’s King is actually a good guy. He takes in lots of orphans and banished kids apparently. Patroclus sleeps in a big bunk with a bunch of other kids and totally blows his shot at being social and making friends when one of the boys asks if he wants to play dice. Pat is like “DICE?!?! FUCK YOU NO!” Because he’s still traumatized from accidentally killing someone over dice. From then on, he spends his days eating alone in the corner.

The prince, who happens to be that beautiful blonde kid he saw win the race, comes and eats with the boys and is the friendliest and most charismatic ten year old ever. As the story goes, he’s half god. His father once tackled a sea goddess, raped her, then forced her to stay on land and give birth to his half god kid after a year. When her year was up, she left immediately. I mean WOW. Ancient Greece was pretty brutal I guess, so I shouldn’t be surprised? And Greek mythology is also riddled with stories of rape and non-consensual shenanigans. But YIKES. 

Well anyway, this kid’s name is Archilles and he’s good at everything, but totally humble and kind. Which really gets on Patroclus’ nerves. So he’s hiding out in the storage closet one day because he’s just so fucking done with everything, and Achilles finds him. He says the drill master (fighting instructor guy) is looking for him and he’ll be punished if he doesn’t have a good reason for missing spear class. 

Patroclus, who is so traumatized from accidentally murdering someone and being banished by his father that he has nothing to lose, is like “Well, just tell them I was with you all morning. That way they can’t be mad.” And Achilles is like “Cool. I don’t lie, though.” So Pat says “Then how about I come with you to your music lessons?” — and he does!!

(By the way, I am doing this book such a disservice in the way I describe dialogue. Please know that literally every word, including the way these boys speak, is absolute poetry. I’m translating as best as my stupid sausage fingers can.)

So Patroclus goes to lyre lessons and is captivated by Achilles’ music skills. It reminds him of how his mother loved music. And Achilles must have been touched by the reverence with which Pat watches him, because when he goes before his father, he totally spins the story that he asked Patroclus to skip drills to come with him. His king Dad isn’t even mad. In fact, he says “I’ve been asking you if you want to take any of the boys as friends for years, and you refused. Why this one? He’s small and weird and I heard he killed a guy.” — And Achilles says “He surprises me.” And nothing more. 

From then on, Achilles and Patroclus do everything together. Patroclus even moves into his bedroom and sleeps there in his own bed. They get into a little fight one day when Pat comes to watch Achilles do his drills (because he never trains in front of the other boys… because there’s a prophecy that he will be the greatest warrior of their generation and his god mother said she doesn’t want anyone knowing how amazing he is yet). Well even at 10 years old, Achilles is an amazing fighter. And Patroclus, being a dumb kid, is like “FIGHT ME OH MY GOD I’M SO IMPRESSED BUT ALSO HATE YOU AND I’M ALSO YOUR BIGGEST FAN BUT LET’S FIGHT.” And Achilles is like “Nope. Don’t ask me again.”

For the rest of the year they are best buds. I guess Patroclus had to get that last bit of jealousy out of his system. He is insanely happy being Achilles’ best friend. He doesn’t have nightmares about heads exploding anymore. They do everything together. Even the king invites him to anything Achilles is a part of. 

Every so often, Achilles goes to visit with his Mom at the beach. One morning, he comes back and says his Mom wants to meet Patroclus. — This is adorable because it means Achilles has been telling her about his bestie. But also kind of terrifying because she’s a god that was raped and hates mortals. So Pat goes down to the beach and this mermaid goddess selkie lady comes and talks to him. She sounds terrifying. Black eyed and sharp mouthed. She basically says to him “You know he’s going to be a god, right?” — Pat is like “Um, yes.” — and she’s like “Good. You’ll die soon enough.” Like damn she really does hate mortals. (With good reason lol)

But I feel sorry for Patroclus. That’s still not a nice thing to hear. Achilles finds him hiding in an olive grove and they have a sweet talk about it. Achilles isn’t even sure how he’d become a god (his mother thinks if he becomes famous enough, the gods will favor him and bring him into the gang. It’s happened with half-god heroes before). He’s more interested in being a hero and doesn’t think being immortal sounds fun. Patroclus is relieved by this and they run off to do 12 year old things.

In the next chapter, they’re 13 and so are all the foster boys, so basically this palace is full of puberty right now. Sleeping with the servant girls is very commonplace, but Achilles never wants to (despite his father encouraging him) and Patroclus is too awkward to speak to anyone except for Achilles. But Pat is ALSO THIRTEEN and starting to have sexy dreams himself, just not about servant girls. Patroclus and Achilles are sitting on the beach one day when Patroclus fucking goes for it. He kisses his best friend, and it’s super nice, but Achilles’ reaction is to RUN AWAY. So Pat is immediately like “Wow I fucked up.”

Things only get worse when Achilles’ angry god Mom appears and chokes him out like “You fucked up.” — she’s so pissed at him for doing this, she demands Achilles be sent away from hero training somewhere far off where some mortal kid can’t derail her plans. Things are so awkward between the boys that Patroclus doesn’t even say goodbye when he leaves in the morning. He pretends to be asleep while Achilles looks torn about it. And then his friend is gone.

Poor baby is all sad the next day. So sad, in fact, he wanders out to the woods and has a moment of clarity (or stupidity?) and is like… well I’m no where near the ocean, so I guess it would be safe. And he runs after Achilles (who has a good 6 hour head start on him). Patroclus runs for hours and finally stops to catch his breath, and hears a noise that he thinks is bandits. He’s tackled… but it’s Achilles! — Who had a feeling he could come and fucking WAITED for him. YAY!!

I so expected the next chapter to be “5 years later…” or something. And Achilles comes back after training. But yay! I like this better. The friends get to stay together and everybody is cool about the whole “kissing on the beach” thing and it’s never brought up. Patroclus even has this cute moment when he’s running where he thinks “If I ever see him again, I will do everything in my power to be cool and not piss off his god mom.”

So then Achilles’ teacher shows up because it’s late and he hasn’t arrived at the mountain yet. And to their surprise, he is a CENTAUR!! Like an older, badass centaur named Chiron who has been around longer than most gods. So even though they’re gods and crazy and what they say goes, he has some sway there. I love… that the kids are freaked out by the centaur lol. They’re like CREEPED OUT. And it’s made even worse when they have to ride on his back because it’s getting dark and they need to get up the mountain. This is such 13 year old behavior. They’re being respectful, but Patroclus narrating is like “eeeuuughhh.”

Turns out Chiron is totally cool and teaches them whatever they want to know. It’s not all about fighting (I’m picturing Phil from Disney’s Hercules lol). He teaches them stuff about the forest and healing and surgery and how to cook. And eventually he teaches them how to fight. And when Achilles asks “How am I?”

He’s like… “Umm that prophecy is totally true and you are going to fuck so many people up when you’re grown up. I literally have nothing to teach you. You’re already a god ordained warrior and you’re only going to get stronger.”

Achilles: “Cool! I don’t want to fight in wars yet, though.”

Patroclus: “How about me?”

Chiron: “Nah, you’re pretty bad at this. But did you ever want to be good?”

He’s like… nah, not really. So Chiron is like “Cool! Ima show you kids how to weave baskets!”       

One day Achilles’ mom shows up and she is piiiiiiissed. She probably would have killed Patroclus had Chiron not showed up and talked her down from her murder ledge. Whatever he and Achilles say to her makes her agree not to murder Patroclus, so there we go. The years peel by with idyllic days. The way this is written is so beautiful. My fumbling descriptions really don’t do it justice. This book is just tender. It’s so pure and sweet. 

So the boys are 16, and even though Patroclus has been pining after Achilles after all these years, he’s been doing such a good job of not being obvious about it. He might get caught staring every now and then, but is otherwise incredibly fearful of 1. Ruining his friendship with Achilles and 2. Being castrated by his angry fish god mom. 

There’s a cute part where Patroclus gives him a carved wooden statue for his birthday that is him with a lyre. 

Okay so one day, after the boys have a conversation about how much older they both look (there are no mirrors on the mountain lol) — Achilles comes back from a visit with his Mom and says he asked her what she thinks of where they live on the mountain (in this beautiful rose quartz cave with stars painted on the ceiling and just beautiful scenery all around). And she begrudgingly admits that she can’t see them on the mountain. (It’s not explained why, but let’s all take this blessing and not complain)

So with this new found bit of intel, Achilles is like YEP. Ima kiss the heck out of you now. And they have a really sexy but also sweet scene in chapter 10. I appreciate that everything is both sensually and tastefully described. I think it’s pretty obvious that Achilles has liked him all this time too, but was also afraid of his angry god mom killing his friend. They pal around basically being boyfriends for a few weeks and are wondering if they should tell Chiron about their relationship when a messenger from Achilles’ father shows up. He says he needs to return home at once for business. 

So dang it. The boys are not happy about this. They would much rather just stay on the mountain and kiss in the crystal cave forever.

They arrive back at the palace and fucking Thetis (angry fish god mom) is on the front steps. Apparently, Helen, the princess Patroclus met when he was 9 years old, has been kidnapped. Some prince from Troy came over and took her, so now everyone is rallying to help. 

This line is both horrible and hilarious to me:

Only an easterner would do this. Everyone knew how they dripped with perfume, were corrupt from soft living. A real hero would have taken her outright, with the strength of his sword.

Like it’s okay to kidnap the lady, but do it with honor lol.

Peleus (Achilles’ Dad) announces that not only will he send any man that wishes to go (everyone is like.. clamoring to sign up)… but he informs the crowd that Helen’s Dad had a bunch of heroes promise to protect Helen seven years ago, and Patroclus immediately SHITS HIMSELF. He’s like OH FUCK THAT WAS REAL? I THOUGHT IT WAS A DREAM! Peleus pulls Achilles and Pat aside after dinner and says he thinks this would be a great opportunity for Achilles to lead an army and take down Troy, but Achilles says he’s not into the idea. He says he knows about the oath Patroclus swore, but the boys try to argue that it doesn’t count because his father disowned him. Peleus is surprisingly cool about this and says “Let’s just see how things pan out.”

So the next morning, Patroclus wakes up and Achilles isn’t there. He’s not worried at first. But as the morning goes on, and he looks literally everywhere, even the beach where he goes to visit his scary Mom, Achilles is literally nowhere to be found. He gets it out of Peleus’ advisor that Achilles is with his mother and he doesn’t know when he’ll be back. So Patroclus is bummed…. FOR A WHOLE ASS MONTH while Achilles is gone (I guess… we all just… forgot about Helen? Or maybe things move slower in Ancient Greece). 

Well either way Patroclus is sick of waiting, so he bursts into the king’s throne room and does this thing… called “supplication”… that I have never heard of before. But he puts a hand on his knee and grabs the king by the jaw, and he DEMANDS that Peleus tell him where Achilles is. Supplication is I guess… the act of… putting a king in a strong hold and it’s some kind of honor-bound thing that makes them have to tell the truth no matter what. (It’s recognized by the gods). It’s not considered a nice or polite thing to do, but apparently it’s a thing. Peleus squeals that Achilles’ Mom took him away to some small island… and I love this transformation from Patroclus. He’s just like “Okay neat, now give me money.”

So the king fucking does, and then he gets on a boat and sails like a badass to some remote little island where everyone sends their princesses to learn how to be sexy. It’s like Ancient Greece charm school island. Patroclus uses a fake name and enters the castle, finds that the king is old and decrepit, the guards are shitty (playing dice), and everything is run by this princess who is crazy beautiful but really shallow. 

She invites Patroclus to dinner and invites the girls to dance for him. She joins them. And during their dance Patroclus realizes the princess’ dance partner is FUCKING ACHILLES. DRESSED LIKE A GIRL. Achilles spots him and interrupts the performance to tackle hug him, which sends the princess into a total fit. 

APPARENTLY… Thetis the angry fish god mom didn’t want her son fighting in a war?? She thought it was too soon?? So for some reason her solution was to… kidnap him… and force him to pose as a woman on Hot Girl Island until the whole thing blew over. I am very confused at the reasoning there. MOREOVER Thetis forced him to MARRY the princess and have sex with her, so now she’s pregnant!!

Patroclus is of course devastated. Achilles is very uncharacteristically flustered and feels awful. His mom basically forced him to and promised that if he had sex with this broad, she’d go fetch Patroclus and bring him here. Patroclus is like “Oh my god you sweet dumb boyfriend, she NEVER DID. I had to put your father in a chokehold to figure out where you are.” And Achilles realizes he’s been tricked and feels bad. 

They work it all out though and return to the palace. The old king is surprisingly fine with all of this as long as the baby gets to keep Achilles’ name. And Achilles, who is usually the nicest dude ever, is so cold to this princess. He’s not mean to her? But he acts like she’s invisible. Even Patroclus is like “Dude cut her some slack. She was tricked as much as you were.” But Achilles is all “Nope. I love nothing except my boyfriend.”

LIKE WHAT IS THETIS THE ANGRY FISH WOMAN UP TO?? I thought (and so did Pat) that she WANTED him to fight. Why was he even summoned back then?? If she wanted to keep him safe he could have just stayed on the mountain banging in the crystal cave. 

I will hand it to this book, it keeps taking turns I didn’t see coming. Twice now I expected Achilles to be taken away and come back some battle-hardened, evil dude or something. 

But to hear he’s just been crossdressing and hiding from war is pretty unexpected.

Oh geez so one night, Diedemantra (that is not her name. I can’t remember anyone’s name) — the PRINCESS has some guards go and grab Patroclus and she demands an audience with him. She says some truly awful things to him, about how ugly he is and she can’t believe Achilles chose him over her and she just SOBS for like a really long time, and Patroclus… because he is a sweet boy… actually really wants to comfort her. This quickly turns sexual. He totally isn’t into it, but she’s like… DEMANDING. And he goes through with it because I think he feels really sympathetic towards her? This is a wild scene and I can’t believe Pat does this… It’s Chapter 13 and he doesn’t really clarify if he ever tells Achilles, but it seems to bring both of them some closure. Achilles for feeling betrayed over them sleeping together, and Diedreoamtis over knowing Achilles is going to leave and he’ll never see him again. 

So the whole time she’s gone, in isolation because she’s pregant, the boys have to stay at this island palace. Thetis still wants to keep Achilles hidden and away from the war, so he has to keep pretending to be a woman and Pat has to keep pretending to be Chirondes, some random dude who lives there now. 

One day, a ship comes. And it’s carrying Odysseus and Diomedes, who threaten to tell everyone Achilles has been crossdressing if he doesn’t come fight in this war. They ALSO drop a bomb that Thetis hasn’t told them the full prophecy. 

Achilles will be the greatest warrior that ever lived if and only if he goes to fight in Troy. If he doesn’t, he will start losing his god powers and wither away and die old and useless and having never done anything with this life. Oh, ALSO? If he goes to Troy he’s going to die. He’ll die young and die a crazy famous hero. 

WHAT THE FUCK??

I’m over here with Patroclus like… about to cry.

But Achilles can’t imagine a life withering away and not achieving greatness. Pat totally understands… so our boys are OFF TO WAR. But not before Patroclus goes up on a mountain to scream at Thetis like a little badass. I love how gentle he is. And how soft. Until he’s pissed off and then he’s the ballsiest dude ever— grabbing kings by their chins. Screaming at goddesses that hate him. He gets out of Thetis that there’s more to the prophecy. That Achilles will die if Hector dies first. So we don’t know who Hector is, but Patroclus is like “Okay now we gotta keep this asshole from dying.” Thetis has also gotta be touched at how much Pat cares about defying the prophecy and saving his boyfriend. But she is also so SO PISSED at mortal men. 

Alright so our boys are off to war. 

Everyone sails to Troy. When they get to the island before Troy, the wind just STOPS because apparently Artemis is pissed off that there’s about to be so much bloodshed. So the kings are like “Hey let’s have a wedding to appease the gods and make a big sacrifice with cows and stuff.” — One of the kings has his 14 year old daughter brought in. And she’s all excited, thinking she is going to marry Achilles (he agreed, because why the fuck not. They need that wind.) — and the kings fucking AMBUSH HER and KILL HER as a human sacrifice before she or Achilles knows what’s going on. And it traumatizes him for a good few days. Sweet baby has never seen anyone die before. So this war is off to a great start. 

But Artemis, like a fucking weirdo, is like “Okay thanks for slaughtering that 14 year old. I’m done being pissed now. Enjoy your war.” So the wind comes back. And the war starts. And after a few days of wallowing, Achilles goes out there and does the thing. He’s even the first person to throw a spear and kill a Trojan, which is great for morale. Achilles and Patroclus realize pretty quickly that Achilles is totally made for war. He’s CRAZY GOOD AT IT. So whatever trauma he was getting over heals very quickly, and our boy becomes a killing machine overnight. 

Achilles doesn’t enjoy the MURDER part of it. He never hurts anyone that is unarmed. Only people that are coming at him with the intention of killing him, but I think he’s pretty entertained at how easy this is for him. Like a game. 

Patroclus, sweet baby, is forced to fight at some point. Everyone is generally cool with him being there as Achilles’ companion, but eventually he has to play soldier and get in there. The battle sounds terrifying. You feel like you’re right in there with Pat and the noise and the chaos. But no one can touch him. He realizes it’s because of Achilles. ANy time a man looks at Pat and runs at him, Achilles kills them easily. He basically just STANDS THERE the whole time and does nothing and I don’t blame him because that’s what I’d do too. 

That’s not to say Pat is useless. He’s really good at surgery and being a doctor and volunteers in the tents. He also encourages Achilles to “claim maidens” aka young girls stolen from the villages they’ve plundered. Only when they get them back to the tent, they clean them up and feed them and make sure they’re safe. The first time he does this, it’s so cute. The girl doesn’t understand Greek so to show her that he means to harm, Patroclus grabs Achilles and kisses him like “See? I don’t want you” lol and she becomes his best friend in the camp beside Achilles. Learns Greek and hangs out with him while his boyfriend is off fighting. She helps more maidens that get brought into their group (all the soldiers are like DAMN Achilles, you horn dog) — having no idea he is hella gay and just saving all these women from THEM. 

This war goes on for like 4 years. It’s rumored that Helen doesn’t even like her husband and ran away to Troy for safety. Pretty soon all of the guys get grumpy like WHY ARE WE EVEN HERE? THIS SUCKS!!

It’s also wild to think that Achilles and Pat are like 20 now. Wow.

MOTHER. FUCKER. 

I finished this whole ass review/description for this book, and it was perfect, and then my ipad totally crapped out and DELETED IT ALL!!! AAUGHGHGUGHG that hasn’t happened to me in so long… I go through such incredible lengths to make sure I never lose any writing. I’m so gutted. 

So here’s like a shitty, watered down version of the last 25% of this book as told by someone a WEEK after they finished it. AUGH!!!!!!! AUGUAGAHGHAUGAGUGH.

Basically… like…okay. This war goes on for fucking ever lol. All the soldiers are pissed. The gods are apparently infighting with each other over this. At one point it’s like, festival time and the humans piss off the gods by arguing with each other, so they put a plague on the war camp. The gods really suck, by the way. Greek gods are just straight up crazy people. Everyone is dying of these horribly painful boils, and Achilles and Argmennon get into an argmennement. Argemenon steals Briesis (original saved maiden) as a personal slight to Achilles, since she’s technically a war prize and apparently not a person? With thoughts and feelings? We’re all horrified.

Achilles starts to get real ego-driven. Pat is over here freaking out because his best friend just got kidnapped and will likely be raped and Achilles is all about his pride and says “Everyone is going to think I’m a weakling. ARGMENNON NEEDS TO APOLOGIZE FIRST!”

So Pat goes to Argemonon’s tent and says Achilles refuses to fight until he apologizes, and if he rapes or hurts Briesis in any way, Achilles is going to use that as an excuse to kill him. So Argmenon is like “Cool bro thanks for the heads up. Real cool of you to betray your boyfriend by telling me this.” and agrees not to hurt Briesis. Pat gets his attention, by the way, by SLITTING HIS WRIST and BLEEDING all over the tent saying “I swear on a blood oath that my words are true! If you hurt that woman Achilles WILL kill you!” And Argemennon is like “JESUS OKAY! I believe you, just STOP bleeding on all my shit!”

Pat goes back to Achilles, and Achilles is PISSED. (But also concerned over Pat’s wrist). He wanted Briesis to get hurt so he’d have an excuse to murder this guy – which again – Pat is just like, horrified by. I should also mention that at some point, Briesis confessed to Pat that she loves him, and wished she could be with him and have kids together. He is hella gay, but loves her like a sister best friend and just really wants to protect her. So Achilles goes on for a few weeks being a dick (Argemnon is also being a dick, but at least he’s not hurting Briesis) – and the Greeks are getting their asses handed to them by the Trojians because Achilles refuses to let his army fight. 

Thetis shows up with more grim prophecies from the gods. Like “Achilles will only die after the best of the [M-word-for-their-country-of-origin] dies.” And Pat is like “Huh… you are the best of our men, though. What a weird riddle.” And I’m reading this like…sobbing.

Eventaully the Trojans break into the camp and start murdering everyone and burning the ships.

Pat is begging Achilles at this point (because by now it’s been like 10 years and we have women and children and families in here). He HAS to fight. But Achilles refuses. So Pat comes up with this idea…. “Well what if I put on your armor and pretend to be you, and inspire the men to fight and defend the camp? Then it’s like we rally the troops without you actually having to go back on your stupid, pointless pride?”

And Achilles goes…. “SURE!!”

(It’s more nuanced than that, and to his credit, Achilles is worried sick. Begs the chariot driver to just do a lap and come back ASAP) Normally he’s there to kill anyone who looks at Patroclus. 

Pat is so cute wearing this armor, and totally does an incredible job pretending to be Achilles. He even kicks ass and kills a couple people, including this HUGE HULKING GENERAL even though Achilles begged him to not put himself in danger. Well Pat does really well, but ends up dying in battle. Hector kills him. The best of the M-word-country-of-origins is dead.

The soldiers manage to bring his body back, but Achilles DOES NOT TAKE THIS WELL. 

Just like… totally unhinged broken, hugging the body in his bed all night. Inconsolable. When they finally get him to let go of Pat’s body and have a funeral, Briesis tears into him and says what we’re all thinking: “Dude he’s only dead because of your pride. Everyone loves this kid. He’s like the nicest, sweetest, cutest dude in this camp. He knew everyone’s name. He delivered all the babies. Like. He only went out there because he wanted to protect us and you were too busy being a prideful dick trying to make a point and HE’S DEAD AND I HATE YOU AND AAHAHHHHHH!!!!” and Achilles is like “I KNOW!!! DON’T YOU THINK I’M LOOKING FORWARD TO GETTING MURDERED NOW? Bring on the prophecy. I’m done. I’m so fucking done. Let’s do this. Where’s my sword?”

So Achilles spends the next few days being a fucking demon on the battlefield. He murders a great many important people, including injuring a river god. Like he’s just unstoppable. He kills Hector. Then… weirdly… drags his body behind the chariot and like… drags it around camp for a few days. FOR A FEW DAYS. Just beating it up for funnies. Like a crazy person. 

Eventually though, he gets shot by Paris with a special arrow from Apollo. And he dies. 

All of this is relayed to us by Pat, by the way, who has been here all this time as a spirit. In Greek mythology, you can’t pass on to the underworld until you get 1. A funeral and 2. A tombstone. Everyone knew Achilles was going to die eventually, so they put his ashes with Patroclus’ ashes (as he requested). Pat wonders if he can feel it when their ashes are combined, but he can’t. He can’t see Achilles until they’re both in the underworld. 

So one day this little piece of shit named Pyyros comes to the camp. He is Achilles’ son that Thetis stole and raised to be a bloodthirsty asshole away from humans. And he’s basically Geoffrey. He’s also, hypothetically, what Achilles could have been if he wasn’t raised by his father and grew up with someone sweet like Patroclus. 

Pyyros is 12, but he’s like… horrible. With his help, they eventually topple Troy. But he also wants to rape all the women in the camp, and when Briesis runs, he kills her with a spear. HATE HIM. Also?? When the kings ask him what he wants to do with Achilles and Patroclus’ grave, he’s like “Fuck Patroclus. Leave him off the tombstone. He’s a nobody.”

So ghost Pat is like… HORRIFIED. This means he’ll be trapped on earth forever. He haunts Odysseus’ dreams and begs him to try to change this kid’s mind, and he tries, but fails. 

So the book ends with Ghost Patroclus sitting (and sobbing) by Achilles’ grave, watching tourists come and pay their respects for months or possibly even years. Meanwhile, Pyyros gets murdered on the ship home becasue the kings collectively decide he’s an asshole. I’m glad everyone can agree on something for once. Like murdering this awful demon child.

Thetis shows up and talks to Pat. She’s still cold, but oddly remorseful. She asks Pat to tell her everything he remembers about Achilles. And Pat gushes for paragraphs and paragraphs about all of their happy memories. And the great, kind person Achilles was before he got tainted by war and the promise of greatness. Thetis probbaly has a growth moment, realizing HEY maybe there’s more to life than training your kids to be unstoppable killing machines. This whole final chapter is so sweet. Patroclus, despite everything, loves Achilles so much. And Achilles, even though his ego got in his way near the end there, really always loved Patroclus. He never wanted him to get hurt or be put in danger. 

Thetis surprises Pat by writing his name on the tombstone next to Achilles’, and he gets transported to the underworld immediately. And there he reunites with Achilles, and that’s the end of the story. 

Here’s that excerpt:

“I have done it,” she says. 

At first I do not understand. But then I see the tomb, and the marks she has made on the stone. ACHILLES, it reads. And beside it, PATROCLUS. 

“Go,” she says. “He waits for you.” 

IN THE DARKNESS, two shadows, reaching through the hopeless, heavy dusk. Their hands meet, and light spills in a flood like a hundred golden urns pouring out the sun.

When I picked up this book, I didn’t know it was a retelling of the Iliad. And my stupid uncultured ass had never read the Iliad. But what the author did that was so cool was she took a character, Patroclus, who was pretty minor in the original story, and wrote the book from his perspective. And blew out this whole beautiful romance between him and Achilles, when apparently this is only speculated in the ancient text (But I mean… Achilles going berserk with anger after Pat gets killed is pretty telling). 

In my original review, I wrote that I had a little trouble connecting to the characters. I think just because of all the formal ancient-speak. But after a week of thinking on it, I take that back. I really love how pure Patroclus is. He’s just so GOOD and so sweet and gentile in a world that is raw and barbaric and cruel. You experience the outrage with him. This feeling of standing around a war wondering why we’re even fucking doing this when Helen doesn’t want to be rescued at all. It’s just an excuse for a bunch of men to flex their power and get a bunch of people killed.

I like Achilles a little more now that I’ve had time to percolate on him. He’s dealing with having been primed for greatness since birth, and taught to seek his value in that. Also, he was told his choices were basically to persue greatness or wither away into uselessness. So of course he got really prideful and easily insulted near the end there. It was hella shitty that he was willing to have Briesis and a bunch of innocent people killed to make his point. That was where he messed up. And that’s why Pat became almost like… a sacrifice for that decision. Which Achilles was properly devastated by. 

These boys love each other so much and feel so star crossed in a world that feels determined to ruin it for them. I loved the last chapter where Pat and Thetis have a heart to heart and she shows him a great kindness by writing his name on the tombstone. I just loved that. 

I’m still going to give this book a 6.5 out of 10, but I really did enjoy it. There were just some parts that were hard to get through because I was so frustrated by the arrogance of Achilles and the kings!!!!

Deadass Rating: 6.5/10

Unofficial theme song: “The King” by Lor