#elf on a shelf parody

[hometoursandotherstuff]

[getthrawnin]

Have you been naughty or nice? "Thrawn as Elf On The Shelf".

🎵He sees you when you're sleeping/He knows when you're awake🎶

[katniss-evermeme]

I think the scariest thing in my house right now is the Christmas ornament that my sister made out of a doggy biscuit back in 2008 that somehow hasn't started molding yet.

We don't put that one on the tree anymore.

[hmvw2015]

A late Christmas treat for you!

[play-now-my-lord]

in the 2030s, a publicity blitz similar to "Elf on a Shelf" will sell parents across America a device that uses machine learning to determine if someone is about to jack off and plays an alarm, by default a heavily-modified male scream. The original will be shaped like the dessicated head of John the Baptist but secular and (for some reason) specifically Jewish variants will exist. The screaming visage of John the Baptist will become ingrained into the popular memory of a generation's sexual awakening; within the decade it will feature in porn parodies, and there will be a subreddit for people who can only get off if their partner responds to their advances with bellowing and keening in fury

[jungle-angel]

A Giant Load Of Christmas Prompts

Ah once again, tis the season and I love every bit of it (lol). Taking requests for Top Gun Maverick, Outer Range, Bad Times At The El Royale, Catch 22 (Hulu), Salem's Lot, Press Play, Lessons in Chemistry (I wanna do Calvin so bad, lol) and Yellowstone.

The babies trying to help decorate for Christmas

Chaos in the grocery store while they're trying to get the fixins for Christmas dinner

Prepping the little general store and cafe for Christmas

"You um......you've got a little cream from your latte still on your lip, do you want me to get it?"

Trying to perfect a recipe for when the family comes for dinner so their s.o decides to help

Coming home after a long day and getting to watch their favorite Christmas movie

Sneaking the perfect Christmas gift into their s.o's stocking

Baby's first Christmas

"I made this for you, it might not be perfect but at least I tried"

Their s.o coming home after being away for a little while

The whole family in matching pjs

One of the kids messing up a line in the Christmas play at school

"You did all this while I was at work? It's so beautiful!"

Putting the kids to sleep on Christmas Eve

Sewing a new stocking for one of the family members

"Oh my God! What'd you put in this? It's delicious!"

Trying to recreate a dance scene from White Christmas

That one special ornament for the tree

Getting married on Christmas Eve

Making a Christmas sweater for their s.o and the family dog

Decorating the barn/stables for the critters

Christmas barn dance

Making Christmas cookies for people at work or family friends

Singing Christmas carol parodies in the kitchen

Reading a Christmas story/fairy tale to the kids before bed

The kids waking everybody up on Christmas morning

Taking their little girl to see The Nutcracker

"I think I have one extra surprise left for you"

Going to the town Christmas market

Taking sexy Christmas photos for their s.o (SMUT)

Ugly Christmas slippers

Sleeping in on Christmas morning

"This little tree reminds me of the one from Charlie Brown"

Snuggling by the fireplace

Making an ice rink in the backyard so everyone can play the annual Christmas hockey game

Seeing their s.o in a fancy Christmas dress for an event

Making homemade Christmas candles

Elf on the shelf

The babies leaving cookies, milk and food for Santa and his reindeer

Looking at the family Christmas photos from when their s.o was a baby

Making food and baked goods for an elderly neighbor for the holidays

"Do you wanna build a snowman?"

Playing Secret Santa

Sleepover under the tree

Going to pick out the Christmas tree

Candles in the window

Christmas walk through the woods (St. Lucia walk)

Making birdseed Christmas ornaments for the birds that come to the bird-feeder

The kids writing letters to Santa at school

Kissing under the mistletoe (sometimes leads to SMUT)

[full-loup]

Shelf On the Elf

The dark elf propped herself against her staff as she finally crested the hill. Ordinarily the slight incline wouldn't have given the once lithe woman trouble, but that was before her body and fitness had been stolen from her.

As her breathing only became more strained, she knelt carefully towards the ground, all too aware that if she wasn't cautious she might never be able to lift her bulk from the earth again. The girthy rolls of her belly and back shifted against one another obscenely as she maneuvered her corpulent body into a seated position, her bloated buttocks spreading across the dry, cracked ground. Her ass seemed one of the hardest areas hit by the wretched curse she'd been saddled with, an impression barely helped by the tiny thong that did little to cover it. The garment had already been skimpy when she was thin, but at that point her scantily spare armor had given her the advantage of ease of movement, something that was lost completely thanks to the rolls and folds of flesh that now weighed her down. Now the clothing she wore did little but remind her of just how massive she was becoming as the leather chafed and pinched against her slowly but steadily bloating form.

"Damn you witch…" The elf grunted between wheezing breaths as she continued to rest her clumsy, heavy body.

There were so few dark elves left in the world, and at first glance the woman's predicament would seem to have left her worryingly vulnerable as she traveled these dangerous roads. The slight trembling of the nearby thorn bushes and the low growls and shining sets of eyes that emanated from their shadowed tangles would hint otherwise however, the dark elf's greatest strength, her command over the mightiest beasts of the wild, remaining firm even if the same couldn't be said for her body…

She had hoped that the two muscular panthers that she traveled with would have been more than enough to handle the old hag that had tried to scam her out of her purse of gold. Unfortunately, as so often happens in this world, magic has a way of not playing fair. Before her pets could even strike, the witch had vanished into the cold night, but not before leaving a most wretched hex upon the skinny elf… one that would make her little more than a parody of her species' graceful athleticism.

The dark elf beastmaster hadn't bothered with finding the witch at first, the nature of the curse upon her so insidiously slow-acting that nothing had seemed wrong at first. As the days had passed however and her body had begun to engorge ceaselessly, it became clear to the elf that she'd been burdened with a terrible and inevitable demise…

Gritting her teeth sharply, the woman pushed herself again to her feet using her crystal staff, her knees trembling as she did so. Moving about was getting harder by the day, and the beastmaster was running out of time. She needed to find the witch soon, maybe beg for her forgiveness and the removal of this terrible spell. If she didn't find her soon, then she might become too fat to move, perhaps even too fat to breed. There were so few of her kind left now, and for her bloodline to fall to such an underhanded hex would have been a failure much too humiliating for her to stomach…

The Dark Elf Beastmaster from Dragon's Crown, except she is very fat!

[ericswiftie]

I asked GPT3 to write a Taylor Swift song about her boyfriend leaving her for an Elf Princess. Image done in Midjourney. This is done as parody only.

Verse 1:

Once upon a time in a magical land

I thought our love would forever stand

But you ran off with a female elf

Left me alone with my broken heart on the shelf

Chorus:

Oh, why did you go and leave me for her?

I thought our love was strong, like an enchanted fir

But now I'm left here all alone

While you're off with her, a creature of unknown

Verse 2:

I trusted you, gave you my heart

But you tore it apart, tore it apart

Now I'm picking up the pieces, trying to move on

But the pain of your betrayal lingers on

Chorus:

Oh, why did you go and leave me for her?

I thought our love was strong, like an enchanted fir

But now I'm left here all alone

While you're off with her, a creature of unknown

Bridge:

I thought you were my happily ever after

But now it seems like a fairytale disaster

I'll find my own happily ever after

Without you, my love, and your elf lover

Chorus:

Oh, why did you go and leave me for her?

I thought our love was strong, like an enchanted fir

But now I'm left here all alone

While you're off with her, a creature of unknown

[sachwlang]

Reese Witherspoon and Jennifer Garner join Garcelle Beauvais' Elf on the Shelf parody challenge - Film News | Film-News.co.uk

Reese Witherspoon and Jennifer Garner join Garcelle Beauvais’ Elf on the Shelf parody challenge – Film News | Film-News.co.uk

Reese Witherspoon, Jennifer Garner, and Elizabeth Banks are among the stars who have joined in with Garcelle Beauvais’ hilarious Elf on the Shelf parody challenge. The NYPD Blue actress caused a storm on Instagram as she shared her own take on the Elf on the Shelf phenomenon, by posting a snap of Pharrell Williams with a teeny Garcelle perched on his shoulder. “You’ve heard of Elf on a Shelf, now…

[brokehorrorfan]

FYE is exclusively carrying a deluxe edition of Krampus on the Mantle, a demonic parody of Elf on the Shelf based on Michael Dougherty’s Krampus.

Last year’s version of the plush doll has been upgraded with two sidekicks seen in the film: a teddy bear and gingerbread man. Have yourself a merry little Krampusnacht for $39.99.

Watch out kids, there’s a new Christmas tradition. Krampus is coming to town and he’s on a mission. Unlike St. Nick, who rewards good kids with toys, Krampus dishes out terror to bad girls and boys. Watching you, children, no need for a letter, Punishing naughty kids for ever and ever. Kids who are bad will be shaking in fear, But, too late, Krampus is already here. Sharp claws, pointed fangs and menacing horns. If he decides you were naughty, from this world you’ll be torn. When he comes for you, hear his chains and bells clank. You know you’re in trouble, this is definitely no prank. Thrown in his sack, no matter how much you yell, Won’t see a thing as he drags you to hell. Keeping you confined for an entire year. Punishment so awful, you’ll wish you weren’t here. Don’t want to see Krampus? Don’t give him a reason. Be good all year long. Survive the Christmas season. See old St. Nick and all the joy that he brings. Opening presents by the tree while everyone joyfully sings. Don’t do bad things, and always remember, Krampus is watching. He’ll be back next December!

[hometoursandotherstuff]

[kandiiibun]

I dont 100% agree with all the things you say but some I do, I decided to be on your side, I’ve noticed the people hating on you are really toxic and aggressive people that think everyone that disagrees should be “canceled!” Plus the whole thing about people thinking you’re lily because you gave her your old ig account and she supports you makes them look like flat earth conspiracy theorists with tinfoil hats lol. You art is good, you don’t try to force your opinions on others and I respect that

Thank you! I honestly don’t understand how some people live their lives thinking that they need everyone to agree with them on every little thing it’s just a weird concept I honestly could never understand, it’s just sad tbh.

But I definitely agree cancel culture is gross and toxic I couldn’t stand the James Charles/Jared “cancel” shit that happened last summer jeez the internet just sucks sometimes I guess

According to someone in my ig group chat someone accused me of saying the hard n word when it was actually an elf on the shelf meme from 3 years ago that was actually made by my black friend that asked me to post it (anyone wanting proof of that message me) it’s honestly hilarious to me how someone will take things out of context and reach so hard and try to hide as much truth as possible to make me out to be the bad guy

(Anyone in my ig group chat knows lily is real because she’s sent a lot of pictures of herself there)

A comment that was a parody of a racist caption (that was mysteriously cropped out hmmm) people posting my joke about Halle Bailey while cropping out the tag that said “this is a joke” getting mad at me for defending the trans community then calling me a transphobe, people posting a sarcastic radical feminist quote I made to make fun of body shaming feminists saying that I posted the quote because I actually think they was (keep in mind almost all the things I’ve listed are 3 years old)

Anyone will believe anything they see online without proper context as long as it feeds their hunger for internet drama, some people just need someone to attack and bully because they find it fun and have nothing better to do with their lives. People that have messaged me asking for context ended up siding with me after I explained

Unfortunately pathetic people like this exist and it doesn’t effect me because I know that people like this will fail in life and will never be able to hold down a job because of their self righteous ego or lose all their friends because they don’t agree with them every little thing

And honestly I do feel sorry for them, how could I not. Again thank you for your support ❤️❤️

[hitchell-mope]

Blatant elf on the shelf parody is blatant. And minus a million points for traumatising your toddler

[mellicose]

Seven Minutes in Heaven

A DT Holiday Fic Request

A Walt Jodell Fic

Rating: Mature

Word count: 10,872

Warnings: none

Summary: A not-so-innocent encounter at the annual Christmas party finally blows the lid off Walt and Katty's waning relationship.

December 29

She was freshly bathed, loose-limbed and pouring herself another glass of wine when someone knocked hard on her kitchen door.

“Fuck!” she jumped, and poured wine onto her robe. She groaned and swatted at herself. She was gonna smell like a booze factory. “Jesus, who is it? It’s after 11pm-” She yanked the door open, and Walt stood on her porch, hands deep in the pockets of his wool coat.

“Walt?” she said, still wiping at herself. His eyes traveled from her flushed face and down her body. She suddenly remembered she was wearing only a robe. She wrapped her arms around herself and cleared her throat.

“May I come in?” he said, then stepped into her kitchen before she could balk. She closed the door behind her and sighed. She knew it might happen. She felt it would, and she wasn’t sure whether she was pleased or not.

He looked at her counter, where white wine dripped from the red stone to the floor.

“Having a nightcap, eh?” he said, and gave her a crooked grin.

“What are you doing here?” she said, then started to clean aggressively – she needed to do something with her hands.

“I was, um – I was just having a quick closing meeting with Venessa,” he gesticulated awkwardly. “The office is just around the way. Odd you’d choose to continue working so far away,” he said, smiling again. “Nessa lives near me – in fact, just a few miles away. We were discussing that if you were both open to it, I could just pull an ol’ switcheroo-”

“No,” she said quickly as she squeezed the dishrag into the sink. “It’s not as easy as that. I have my people there. We work well together. Just pulling up roots and leaving would be weird.”

“Oh,” he said. “Yes.” His smile faded. “It was just an idea. To make things easier for both of you.”

She gave him a sidelong glance. “You live in Stockton,” she said. The office she managed was just a five minute drive from his house, so he was in almost daily. Although at first she thought he was dropping in because he wanted to micromanage her, she knew better now.

“Yep. It’s a great place to raise a family,” he said, rubbing at the front of his coat. “Safe, great weather, good schools. The whole package. Katty loves it-” he gasped, as if trying to swallow the last words back.

That bitch doesn’t love anything, she said underneath her breath as she walked out of the kitchen.

“How is Kathryn?” she said as she walked into her bedroom to put on clothes. She didn’t care, but it was polite conversation. She ripped off her robe and started rooting in her bureau for a bra when she heard a soft exhalation. Walt stared at her from her from the threshold, his face a rictus of desire.

December 23

“Oh, go on. It’ll be fun,” Venessa said, poking at her side. She already had too much, but she was working on another glass of wine. “I know there’s several people here you want to touch inappropriately.” Nessa’s eyes narrowed conspiratorially.

Walt stood nearby, holding up the wall and nursing a beer. He looked back and forth between the women, following the conversation. Kathryn walked up, devastating in a hunter green velvet strapless dress. Her hair was pulled up and her makeup was flawless, but her lips were pinched into a perpetual bitchface.

“I don’t know, Venessa,” she said, putting her arm around her waist. “There’s not a lot of men to go around.” She gave Walt a pointed glance.

“Look at you, being all heteronormative,” Vanessa said, taking a healthy sip of wine.

“You make a good point. The bottle stops where it stops. It shouldn’t matter whether it’s a woman or a man,” Katty said, raising her brow. “I myself have kissed a girl or two, and I liked it.”

One of Nessa’s co-workers, a loud, oversexed 20-something man with slicked back hair and an ugly Christmas sweater hooted and waved around his beer. “Let’s do it!”

“Don’t get too excited, chief. Any minutes in the closet with a mouthbreathing nerd is hardly heavenly,” Katty said. He wilted. Vanessa snorted. Walt was walking to the kitchen for another beer when she yelled out to him. “Don’t you slink off, Walt. You’re playing too.”

“I don’t think so,” he said, shaking his head. He wore a terrible, over-tinseled sweater that Orvis decorated and Katty made him wear. A santa hat drooped on his head.

She stared at him, eyes narrowed. “What, are you too good to socialize with the underlings?” she said, waving her arm magnanimously at the small crowd in their basement. He winced and grabbed her arm, guiding her to a corner.

“It’s not that. Mostly, it’s because it would break at least 20 different local and federal labor laws,” he said.

“Oh shut it,” she said, pushing him away. “Haven’t you watched television lately? You’re just a chicken.”

His lips pursed. “Chicken?” he said. “What are we, 12? It’s not a good idea, Katty.”

“I think it’s great idea,” she said loudly and broke from his grip. She wrapped her arm around another acquaintance, a young junior accountant named Megan and squeezed. “Where’s the bottle?” She eyed the young redhead rapaciously.

He sidled up next to her, his jaw working. She didn’t know why, but she wanted to touch him. His shoulder. His twitching jaw. His tinseled chest. Kathryn’s presence felt like a naked, too-bright lightbulb. It was headache inducing, and she wondered how he dealt with her all the time. She was beautiful, but what did it matter if you couldn’t even look her in the eye?

“Spin the bottle. That’s nostalgic,” she said, taking a sip of her wine.

“Yeah. Sure,” he said. He drained his beer. He looked her up and down. “Where’s Toto?” he said, pointing at her glittery red shoes.

“Ha ha ha,” she said, smirking. “That’s not one I’ve heard a million times.”

“Have you made a wish yet?” he said, warming up. “You just have to click your heels, Dorothy.”

She rolled her eyes. “I wish the merriment was over already, how about that?”

“Me too,” he said frankly, and sighed. There was silence, and leaned against the wall. Beyond the smell of booze and hors d’oeuvres, she could smell him. She took a deep breath. It was so unlikely for a man dressed as a parody of Elf on a Shelf to smell so deliciously masculine.

“We could escape. You can wish it with your special shoes,” he said, and winked at her.

“Lay off my bitchin’ holiday style choices already. In any case, maybe you could-” she pointed at his outfit -”what mythical powers does the elf have, anyway?”

“He doesn’t have any. He lives in fear of the almighty power of Santa, and lives at the mercy of her whims,” he said. He chuckled, but it was dry. They fell quiet again as they watched people gather around the glass coffee table. An empty syrah bottle sat on its side in the middle.

Kathryn clapped to get everyone’s attention. “Alright, this is the way it’s gonna go,” she said, sitting on Venessa’s lap. “We’ve written down different acts and dropped them in this adorable holiday themed wine glass-” She shook it and smiled. “There will be two spins to make it really random. First for person one, and second for person two, you get it.” People whispered with excitement.

Want more? Click here, or on the link above!

Please like/reblog/comment if you love it, it makes my fingers fly! 

[deborell]

The only acceptable Elf on the Shelf parody 🎄😹 #memestagram #yoink https://www.instagram.com/p/CIfXgGgMpxQTSvQWlfvAYgOVBlPq4y6tJqfrx00/?igshid=uzv10wai2uz2

[ittybittypearlygirly]

More ideas for the Elf on a Shelf parody: Kirby edition

-Dark Matter on a ladder

-Daroach on a broach

-Zero on a gyro

-Waddle/Bandana Dee in a tree

-Galacta Knight in a fight (?)

-Knuckle Joe on a hoe

-Ribbon on a ribbon

-Dark Mind in a bind

-Dyna Blade on a Gatorade