#either way psychology interesting and so is most science fields

[sunthyme]

🎆 New year, new headcanons!! 🎆

Hey, so I've been a bit dead for a hot sec, apologies for that. Hope y'all are having a good break! Now, for something that's been in the works since August (drum roll please)...

🎉 REDONE TWST HEADCANONS!! 🎉

First up, yet again...

♥️ Heartslabyul ♥️

WAHOO! Ignore that you can clearly see which I had to redo lol, that's going to be a bit of a theme as I looked back and wasn't super happy with some so I redid them until I got it right.

Since y'all know the characters this time, I'll be just adding new or changed things to my earlier posts. :D

Enjoy!

♥️ Riddle Rosehearts ♥️

So pretty much nothing changed from the original with Riddle, I just made her look better. Yippee!

Added thing for my University Headcanon/AU is major and I see Riddle being an English and Law major.

♣️ Trey Clover ♣️

Once again, nothing really changed except for the fact that I learned to draw him better. I gave him a labret piercing that I think would have been one of Cater's first piercings, which thankfully went well.

He'd obviously be a Culinary major.

♦️ Cater Diamond ♦️

Speaking of Cater, this one was a bitch to draw. I literally redid him three times, send help. (I'll reblog this with the extra between version for y'all to see)

A new headcanon for him is that he's the kind of character that has his eyes closed for the most part and only opens them when he's like super serious. I just felt it fit him. (I'll also attach that in the reblog)

He's very heavily gyaru inspired (shout out to @/Cayfourdiamonds on Pinterest, I loved his edits of Cater and they were my inspo) and I wanted him to curl his hair in the mornings, princess curl style. He has naturally straight hair and the freckles are indeed fake.

He's a Cosmetology and Communications major.

♠️ Oki Chiang ♠️

She's a Sociology major and her birthday is October 4th (Libra). She's apart of the Poetry Club (OC club).

Nothing much changed here either, though I tinkered with her skin tone to amp up the contrast and shifted to blue to a darker hydrangea-y colour.

(Edit: I forgot, I have UM for my ocs now!)

Unique Magic - "Who Are You?": Creates a mist as Oki recites the spell that induces confusion. The confusion will last up to two hours after the mist fades, depending on the strength of the person affected.

♣️ Luna Madden ♣️

Another one I had to redo twice because GOD, the in between was SO UGLY!! Ew. Anyways, way cuter now! I gave him swirly eyes for funsies and trimmed down the colours in his makeup so it's more cohesive.

They're an Art and Psychology major and their birthday is January 22nd (Aquarius). It's in the Science Club.

She uses mobility aids, alternating between a cane and braces depending on the day, due to Multiple Sclerosis (an autoimmune disease that impacts the spine).

Unique Magic - "It's Tea Time!": Conjures a pre-set tea table fitting Luna's desires. The bigger the table and the more items, the harder it is for Luna to make.

♥️ Ace Trappola ♥️

Oh boy, another redone one. I went a bit ham with his design, I really wanted to make him look like a heart. Found the braid idea on Pinterest, as one does, and ran with it. He's so cute, he looks like a heart lollipop. Also, I gave him braces because I love that idea so so much!

He's undecided in his major.

♠️ Deuce Spade ♠️

I adore how this one turned out, he's my son and my boy. Nothing really changes aside from style improvement and I gave him better bangs.

Also an undecided major. (Adeuce twinning frfr)

♥️ Bunnie Chrona ♥️

She's a Psychology major and her birthday is June 30th (Cancer). A part of the Track & Field Club.

Ooh, she's so cute, I love her sm! I gave her vitiligo and stripes in her hair to imitate those splotched black and white bunnies that are so adorable. I did make the interesting choice to give her blue eyes, not for any particular reason, they just contract the red undertones well.

Unique Magic - "Killing Time": Bunnie's speed will increase for an hour, making her go at an inhuman speed.

♦️ Ness Benoit ♦️

She's a Drama major and her birthday is May 25th (Gemini). They're in the Film Research Club.

Finally, Nessie! They also had an in between but they actually looks more like the OG than that one lmao. Gave her some little devil tail earrings and just made the hair confirmedly into a wig. Also gave them a lil fang :3

Unique Magic - "Devilish Charm": Allows Ness to appear differently or say different things to different people. It takes more energy the more people she is using it on.

Stay tuned for Savanaclaw, up next!

[libraford]

hello!

do you mind if i ask you for some tips & helps for beginners when it comes to tarot an witchcraft in general? i’m never sure what’s like an actual thing or someone pulling the whole “you’re not autistic you’re actually just a *insert wildly weird thing here*” if that makes sense?

it’s completely ok if you don’t want to answer this btw c: either way please an thank you & good luck with your drag show 🖤

Ummm, I'm not great at beginner tips because my practice is so personal and required so many years of going 'wtf am I doing' that unfortunately most of my advice is 'do some shit, learn hard lessons, try not to hurt anyone in the process.'

So the thing that's happening with the 'you're not (condition), you're (fictional creature)' rhetoric is, essentially, new age eugenics.

Psychology is a fairly new science and there's a lot of people who outwardly don't believe in it. Like they'll believe in pop-psychology that's easily disprovable ('if you chew on ice that means you have an oedipus complex' is one I've heard) but when it comes to things that are actually part of the field like... diagnoses for depression, anxiety, trauma- people start getting weird about it.

Where it comes from could be any number of things, but if you go back just... even ten years the culture surrounding openly talking about diagnoses is completely different. And I think that for a lot of people, having a diagnosis for why your brain does the thing it does means that they have to answer some hard questions for themselves.

There is also some distrust of medication (there have been some... not great medications for depression and ADHD in the past) as well as good old fashioned family ableism.

So. The easiest way to deal with this is to pretend that mental illness does not exist.

And make some rather... interesting conclusions to explain why people are a little strange. They're aliens. They're fairies. They're witches. They're part of an ancient race. They're from another dimension. They're reincarnations of ancient goddesses. They're shards.

If you believe these things for yourself, that's fine. If this helps you navigate your world better and hurts no one, I have no problem with it. It could be true and I wouldn't know it- fuck, I don't know the secrets of the universe.

If it works for you.

Unfortunately-

There are thousands and thousands of terrible books about how to treat your starseed child, your indigo child, your crystal child. And it is exceedingly common that these phrases are used to deny a child proper medical care. It dehumanizes them. It makes them 'other.' Its already difficult to socialize a child- now they're special magical children who don't need to be socialized. And these books sell. And they sell and they sell and they sell...

I am not a scholar in this field- I have just been to places, seen things, and listened to people.

But here's a recent paper linking starseed talking points to far-right extremism that will ruin a lot of New Age rhetoric for you forever.

I realize that my thoughts derailed there... which would be the ADHD. But in terms of what should you do when you're just starting out with witchcraft? Read as much as you can, listen to as many people as you can, but decide for yourself what's true and what's a load of hog shit.

[prongsfish]

sigh

im post blocked

anyway

FISHALICIOUS

WHAT ARE YOUR FAVOURITE EVAN ROSIER HEADCANONS

(ive been asking everyone because he's slowly becoming my favourite)

just now realising you asked this nearly a month ago i'm so sorry i don't know why i struggle with answering asks so much!! but anyways evan headcanons i will GLADLY give. my characterisation of him is less concrete than characters like barty or regulus but i think about him loads still i love him...

this is a classic ofc but i will always see him and pandora as twins!! i love siblings in media so much and i think it allows for suuupper interesting dynamics between them, even in canon

in muggle aus my go-to career for him is either a piercer or something in the medical science field. i can just picture him as this mildly off-putting medsci student who goes on to be a forensic pathologist or something, he's really intrigued by the human body and how it functions in various ways. could definitely also go the way of unlicensed surgeon or mad scientist who performs fucked up experiments on people but that sort of thing doesn't quite fit into every fic lmaoo

i've always thought of him as more of a piercings guy than a tattoo guy (which is the opposite to barty). he'd definitely have both but i associate him more with piercings if that makes sense? i imagine he'd have a labret, bridge, stretched lobes (~7/8"), stretched septum (~0g), eyebrows (normal and middle placements), and high nostrils. all symmetrical!! plus probably some other non-facial piercings

he'd love sci-fi, thriller, and horror (especially psychological) films. anything super tense and probably confusing

when he was a child he and pandora would trap and kill insects. they'd spend ages examining little bug bodies and dissecting them with sticks and stuff... as he grew older he became more and more interested in bigger animals. occasionally he would kill animals himself but more often he'd search for those already dead, especially roadkill. once he was finished with any given specimen he'd carefully remove, clean, and reconstruct their skeletons to give to pandora. she didn't like the organs stuff as much as he did but she loved collecting bones and taxidermy insects, in exchange one year for his birthday (10-14th, maybe) she spent ages searching to buy him a surgical set from an antique store

waaay scarier than barty. if you don't know them you might be more initially scared by barty but while barty is loud and crazy and violent and laughs at pain/danger, evan is creepy. he knows way a million and one ways to kill someone without leaving behind any evidence. he knows every single pressure point on the human body. someone mentions a medicine they've taken their whole life for the first time and when someone else asks what it is he can explain in minute detail exactly how it works to the point where not even the person who takes it knew even half of what he says. he's super quiet moving without even meaning to be so he scares the shit out of people all the time. he doesn't blink as often as he should but just often enough that you don't notice until you're paying attention. and this is all revealed gradually, whereas barty's most "scary" traits are purposefully the most surface level things about him

he loooves medical dramas. he's watched tons of them. he HATES the good doctor though, purely on principle because once someone said that must be his favourite because he's autistic. his actual favourite is house

he runs cold and NEVER wears shorts. lots of beanies and jackets

these were so random and i went on a few tangents but oh well i did like five other things between writing these so it's a bit of a mess LMAO

[teeth--thief]

Thoughts on Sasha Korol? I think your response on him will be particularly interesting.

-R

Particularly interesting, you say? Is that a code for I'll add extra sass and shade to my answer? If so... you're probably right =D I'm kidding, I always try to be as subjective as can be... except for all the times I'm not subjective and settle for bullying. But I'll be kind this time... or will I?

Let's practice some armchair psychology on Leonid Toptunov's best friend, shall we? ...And by that I do just mean let's look at him a little more seriously than I usually do.

Whenever I say that I don't fully believe or trust him, I don't mean to attack his character - I do think that either his age or something else entirely (underlying mental issues, most likely related to trauma from the accident and subsequential events that unfolded afterwards like, oh, you know, losing his best friend and colleagues) must have taken their toll on him and so I do treat him like a sort of unreliable narrator. When your brain has barely had the time to finish fully developing and suddenly, overnight your life is in shambles, it's to be expected that you're not exactly going to act in the most rational of ways...

I don't want to say that, even when keeping all that in mind, Korol still seems slightly... odd to me... but, well, he does. For example, from Midnight in Chernobyl (from a bit about Yuvchenko):

(...) Natalia scoured the city for scarce and expensive ingredients to keep up his strength. She brought black caviar sandwiches to his bedside; his friend Sasha Korol came to visit and insisted he try ketchup instead. But Yuvchenko proved unable to eat anything, and he was placed on an IV.

What do you mean he basically tried to medicate his friend with ketchup?? I have... many questions... Is ketchup more nutritious than other foods condiments? I have a feeling this was out of sheer desperation to not lose another mate...

The whole bit about him not wanting to go with Toptunov to see the test because he was reading a medical journal is also, quite frankly, laughable. I wasn't aware that the magazine has a cool down and will disappear once you put it down, brother. Just say you were feeling kind of lazy that day, there's no shame in that.

Judging purely from his interview with Kupnyi, he seems to have lacked that burning passion for science we always see Toptunov described as having. Which is... just fine. You don't have to choose a job in a field you're super passionate about. I just thought it was worth mentioning since he seems to have had an attitude of well, it might as well be physics when choosing a career path. Anything but being sent to Afghanistan with the army (perfectly understandable).

He was most likely just as capable as Toptunov when it came to work, given that while Lyonya decided to become a SIUR, Korol stayed on a lower position by choice (or so he says), choosing a different path, basically.

He certainly made himself useful right after the disaster happened by everything from continuing to work on site to informing the families of the workers about their loved ones being transported to Moscow ect etc. Good deeds all around.

While he did not attend Toptunov's funeral (he was... on vacation... :| ), he attended someone else's not too long after:

Pictured closest to the grave (some speculated he's the other guy in the light shirt, second from the right, but I think otherwise, the shadows on his face have... a distinct look... I think.)

I will NOT comment on the fact that I think his relation with Lyonya was very close, closer than what I normally associate with typical friendships because I know fuckall about good relationships, so... who am I to judge.

I'm pretty sure that because of him there's a bit of confusion about who Toptunov's girlfriend was - not that it's an important piece of information TO YOU - but it's significant enough to consider. I won't get into that here, though, this is not about the fact that because two people mention two seemingly different women, it seems as if he had two girlfriends (good for him, I wish I had two girlfriends... one would also be more than acceptable).

Same with the whole "fight" he reported Toptunov as having with the tutor during uni - I don't know how, if he was apparently indeed involved in what happened after - he could have misremembered that while remembering other details about it. Unless he's misrepresenting what happened on purpose, that is, but that's also a questionable hypothesis.

I think that's that when it comes to my general "overview" of him... If I remember anything else later on, I'll make sure to add it to the post in a reblog or something.

[mthollowell-writes]

I am a mystery reader

Or, Why I Read Forensics by Val McDermid

For the past year, I’ve been inhaling mystery novels to learn about the genre. I often engage with intense genre studies when I have an interest in writing within particular story conventions. It’s always fun and I get to learn about an amazing world of books that I don’t normally pick up.

For most of 2023, it’s been mysteries. And, I can confidently say that I’m now a big mystery reader. I’m obsessed with it. I shouldn’t have been surprised. The clues have been there since the beginning.

I’ve always loved stories with mystery elements to them. I wrote a thesis comparing and contrasting TV/movie adaptations of Sherlock Holmes and the original short stories. Most of the podcasts that I enjoy are true crime because I love learning the details of specific cases, and how certain clues or slips led to the apprehension of the perpetrator. But it wasn’t until 2023 that I would’ve classify myself as a “mystery reader.” I can be really thick-headed, if you couldn’t tell.

Horror reader, sure. Detective enthusiast, you betcha! True crime addict, guilty.

There are so many things that makes a mystery, a mystery. They include, but are not limited to:

Your killer and their motives

Your detective and their unique skill set that makes them best suited (or most motivated) to find said killer

The clues, the false leads, and the red herrings

And most importantly, that the killer is caught: unmasked by the detective. If it doesn’t have this particular element, it’s not a true mystery. (Not to discount genre blends which I adore and champion).

Forensics: What Bugs, Burns, Prints, DNA, and More Tell Us About Crime by Val McDermid goes into the more technical aspects of solving a crime. There’s an umbrella of fields under forensics from DNA to facial reconstruction to forensic psychology to entomology. All these discipline work to make the sequence of events and the truth of the crime clearer in the context of the courtroom.

I picked up this book because I wanted to learn more about all these disciplines. Its filled with countless case studies throughout the centuries, tracking the development of new techniques and their limitations. Val McDermid, who is a veteran of the genre (I’ve read the whole of her Allie Burns series this year and intend to read more), explains all this in a very approachable way with interviews from professionals in every field she covers.

This is a must read for everyone who wants a comprehensive introduction to forensics for either bulking up their knowledge for their own mystery or they just genuinely find the science fascinating (Hello! I am both).

[writing-for-life]

Thanks for the tag, @marlowe-zara This is actually a nice one, and I’ve got time (I always take the day after the Oscars off, I’m really that sad)…

*****************************************

Are you named after anyone? No, not that I know of. I use the name I nearly got as my writing pseud/pen-name though.

When was the last time you cried? Not a crier about a lot of stuff because my go-to-mechanism is to get on with it, for better or worse (so not saying that’s always a good thing). If I cry, it’s mostly when I’m proud of my kid, so rather happy tears than angry/sad ones. I know when I need to cry because of latter reasons though and can easily get the floodgates to open with art/music/films/books when I feel it’s safe for me to do so. That sounds… well-adjusted? Not 🤣

Do you have kids? One, primary age.

What sports do you play/have you played? Dance (professional performer). Knees, hips and back are fairly wrecked, so gentler stuff these days (mostly the right gym-stuff, Yoga and walking/running if my joints oblige). But do they count as “playing” sports?

Do you use sarcasm? Yes. Not always proud of it, so I try to limit it.

What is the first thing you notice about people? Their voice (occupational hazard, but also a kink 🤣). And the way they communicate in general, whether written or orally. That can mean many things—I like the occasional, well-placed swear-word, as an example. But most of all, I notice if people understand that words hold meaning, and if they use them well (again, in all sorts of ways).

What's your eye color? Some say blue, some say green. Very dark, whatever it may be (I have my own opinion, and I shall call it dark teal).

Scary movies or happy endings? Neither really. Not into scary movies, not the biggest fan of sappiness either. But it all depends. A good movie is a good movie and all that.

Any talents? I speak four languages fluently—is that a talent? All joking aside, I believe it’s all a mix between some natural aptitude, interest, support and commitment anyway, so the idea of “talent” is always one that makes me scratch my head a bit. I’ve had people comment favourably on my singing, acting, writing and drawing. Plus that I’ve got good problem-solving skills?

Where were you born? Western Central Europe 😜

What are your hobbies? Reading, writing. And reading. And writing. I also like reading, and did I mention writing?…

Do you have any pets? Yes, a black cat called Morpheus. His name used to be something else entirely when he was a kitten, but especially my kid and I think his attitude is very Murphy. We’re really that pathetic, and so is he. He also has a little scar under his eye now, courtesy of a love interest that didn’t reciprocate his feelings (I wrote about it on here), so it is very… apt?

How tall are you? 1.80m/5’11 My back and joints thank me every day.

Favorite subject in school? Languages, hands down. Everything that relates to writing, reading, literature, drama. And music. I’d love to say art, but I’ve only ever had arsehole art teachers who ruined it for me. So that’s to say: It’s not just the subject. It’s also the people who see you, support you, want you to succeed.

I teach performance-psychology at University, so I like that, too 🙂

Dream job? Oh, that’s tricky. Usually the one I’m doing, but that doesn’t mean it’ll forever stay that way. I’m lucky enough to have basically three degrees (the first one a science/music double major, the second in psychology), and I loved working in all three fields—until I didn’t. And if I didn’t, I stopped. It was hard every time, both financially and emotionally, but I’ve come to the conclusion that my gut usually lets me know when it’s time to move on, and that it’s advisable to listen. At the moment, I split up my time between writing professionally, seeing therapy clients roughly 2 days a week and having a teaching gig. My brain likes the variety and needs it, and for the time being, that’s my happy place.

I see the usual suspects have already been tagged, so I’m going to mix it up (no pressure though if this stuff isn’t your thing) and send this into the direction of @morpheusbaby3 @duckland @dxliriumoftheendless @stellerssong @bobbole

[ederlot]

Dinner with Jackson

I was quite the loser once. I had never been very popular. I knew a lot of people, but only had two friends. Very good friends they had become over the years. The kind of friends who you could wake up at night. Not that I had ever used that knowledge, but if necessary it was possible. I knew that for sure. I didn't need more friends either, or so I thought at the time. I was not very active on social media. I did have a Facebook and an Instagram, but that was more because everyone else had them. I never felt the need to have a lot of followers, so that I could say I had a lot of friends. I think I'm way too down-to-earth to call people I've never met in real life 'friends'. Or too old. I remember the time when we used to go to a café to meet each other, relax and do crazy things. But that was quite some time ago. I have done many studies. From psychology and cultural sciences to electrical engineering and nutrition, but I had not completed any. They were all boring and not really what I was looking for. What was I looking for? I still wouldn't know. My search led to various jobs and eventually I ended up in the office of a large transport company. Also boring, the work, but the people were quite nice. Very multicultural. The conversations often went nowhere (if I understood them at all) and I didn't really have a strong bond with anyone, but there was a lot of laughter.

With a pounding head full of thoughts, I stared at the small print on the screen. Basically I was staring through the screen (the work was really boring). Slowly I started filling the input fields with requested information. Today's hundredth order. I almost met my quota. Luckily it was almost time to go home. The sun shone brightly outside. I almost melted while smoking during the breaks. Not just me. The Arab colleagues, who were used to more heat, also found it unpleasant when it was so hot outside. That's the disadvantage of here, either it's cold and wet, or it's suddenly way too hot. The wind didn't bring any relief either, if there was any. On days like this the wind was like a hairdryer. Every breeze was warm and dry. Sigh! That last order was finished. Of course I could have done more before it was 5 o'clock, but I didn't. They immediately expected me to do more orders every day. That's how it worked at the company. There were those show-offs who always did more than necessary. But they were called to the lead if they suddenly did less, but were still above 100. I got a cup of hot chocolate from the vending machine just to kill another minute. As always, I spent the rest of my time looking interestingly through my notebook, as if I were working on a very difficult order. Some thought the work really interested me. In the beginning I did, but after two years of continuously doing the same thing and running into walls when I had an improvement proposal, the fun was really hard to find. It paid quite well, especially if I had to work in the evenings with all the shift allowances. And there was regular overtime. I didn't have much to do at home, so I was always allowed to come back if there was a lot of work. That made me a bit popular. At least with the shift lead.

I always thought I came from a warm family. Until a while ago I was doing a bit less financially. Then I discovered I had to figure it all out for myself and learned that you only really got to know people when you were in a difficult situation. There are some life lessons you don't actually want to learn, but they are thrown into your lap for free. Fortunately, I was able to start at the transport company after a period of unemployment. However, the bond with my family is no longer as strong as before. I think for them it is, because they treat me like they used to. However, I find it difficult to forgive them for their absence when I needed them most. I had a nice car. I had to sell it to pay my mortgage. That's why I was now on a bicycle in the killing heat. Air conditioning would be nice. I even took a boy from the streets into my house so that we could share the costs. His name was Jackson, a black guy who wanted to take all his friends into my home as well. Or so it seemed. He came from a special project of the municipality. Well… I had trouble with it at first. Car gone, privacy gone. But I really needed the money. He was under supervision, so it seemed safe to me and the municipality paid, so I was sure I would never have to chase the money. But now that things were going better financially, I could no longer get him out of the house. And hey… sometimes it was quite nice to be with someone. Alone was just alone, right? It was still quite far to my house actually. A half hour cycle in the blazing sun. A sip of cold Coke would be welcome.

I clumsily pushed my bike into the shed, where, after a moment of riding itself, it fell against a pile of boxes that had been there since the move. Every weekend I decided to clean out the boxes. And every day I decided to be more careful with my bike. It was the only means of transportation I had. But on the weekends I had other, more fun things to do than tidying up the shed and after work I was too tired to park the bike properly. Actually, I just never felt like it. Home was my safe haven. At least it was before Jackson came along. Luckily I still had my own room, which Jackson was not allowed to enter.

“Did you bring any pizza rolls?” came a deep voice from the living room. “And the milk is gone.”

God damn it, I hadn't even closed the front door before he started whining. It often happened that Jackson would have liked me to bring him anything and everything after work. He hardly ever went shopping himself.

“No,” I replied, throwing my bag under the coat rack. “I just got home from work and I can't smell all the food you've been eating!” “I texted you,” Jackson immediately protested.

The pounding in my head, which I suffered from at work and which had disappeared due to cycling, returned. After work I wanted to be left alone for a while. Even if it was just for a few minutes. In my mind I walked to the kitchen and took a large glass from the cupboard, after which my eye fell on the calendar that was taped to the refrigerator door. Gosh! It was Friday. Nice weekend! Every day seemed the same at that boring job. It often happened that I had forgotten the days of the week and had to accidentally find out that the weekend had started. I once even managed to go to work on a Saturday and did not understand why the gate was closed. Oh yes… Dinner with Jackson tonight, it was noted on the calendar. He was actually going to go with friends, but they canceled. And he treats, so why not. At an all-you-can-eat in the city. I used to eat there with my friends. The choice was large, the food tasty and not too expensive. Jackson also had his good habits. What the…! Why did the refrigerator look so empty inside? Where's my coke?

“Where's my Coke?” I shouted irritatedly from the kitchen.

“It's gone,” came the voice from the living room.

Sigh. So I could still go to the supermarket with my headache. The idea of; Jackson also has his good sides, disappeared immediately and with a wildly beating heart I walked to the living room. There he was, slumped on the couch. 400 pounds of body in just a pair of white boxer shorts, barely visible through his belly, which hung well over it.

“Couldn't you have gone to the store yourself?” I asked, already knowing what the answer would be.

Jackson didn't respond. As usual, he paid more attention to the program on television than to me.

“I was watching this,” he finally said, probably starting to feel uneasy about my icy frame and piercing gaze.

Sometimes we had conversations that were easier than this. About life, the mistakes we had made and our dreams. It took a while, but I finally got Jackson to tell me something about himself every now and then. Sometimes we even laughed about ourselves and each other. More often than not, there were situations like this where I was irritated and Jackson didn't seem to care much. It seemed impossible to make appointments with him. Jackson had proven to be very good at saying yes and doing no.

“I'll go to the supermarket in a moment,” he said after a few minutes, without taking his eyes off the television. 'Let's check this out first. It's almost over."

He'd had all damn day to go to the grocery store and get everything himself. Angry, I walked back to the kitchen and filled the tall glass with tap water to quench my thirst. Jesus man! I had never seen such a lazy nigger. We had to be at the restaurant in less than two hours. He never achieved that. The supermarket was not very far away and you could get there quickly by bike. But not Jackson. The last time he cycled it took him 20 minutes. He had come back completely out of breath. And then he wasn't even as heavy as he is now. And then… my poor bike. Would it hold that weight? How am I going to get to work on Monday if that thing was completely collapsed?

“Never mind, I'll go, again!” I shouted as I placed my half-full glass in the sink and walked into the hallway. “Just freshen up a bit for tonight. And wear decent clothes.”

There was silence from the living room. No response when I closed the front door behind me and took my bike out of the shed again.

“Oh, that guy can whine!” Jackson thought. With a groan he stood up with difficulty and pulled his sagging boxer shorts over his plump, protruding ass. Why on earth had he planned dinner with him? Contact with the friends he used to have had deteriorated since he lived here. They used to be together often, on the street. His father had died when he was a toddler. He did not have good contact with his mother. Neither with his two sisters. They were too busy with themselves. With make-up and men. Maybe as an older brother he should have paid more attention to them, but Jackson had chosen a different path. A path of crime, of stealing and drugs. Until he was at the police station again and was assigned a house for some project. At first he didn't like it, but after a while he started to see the usefulness of a home. It was actually quite nice. A bed, a shower. A place to feel safe. And Eder… oh well, he wasn't too bad apart from his whining. He did the shopping, cleaning, payments. And he was a good cook. His friends still lived on the streets. Or in prison. Jackson had never been to prison. He had been spared that fate.

Jackson glanced in the mirror on the wall in the hallway next to the stairs before beginning his climb. There was a piece of dust in his deep navel that he clumsily picked out with the help of the mirror. He could no longer look over his stomach. It was therefore no longer possible to pick something out of his navel without a mirror. Despite his weight, Jackson's body was not flabby. Not liquid, like the bodies of many fat people are. His belly was large, but firm. And so were his legs, which had to bear all the weight. His legs had always been strong. Handy for running from the police if he stole something again. A deep sigh. Then he slowly climbed the stairs. With each step his boxer shorts slid down a little, revealing a high butt crack, but Jackson didn't seem to mind. Breathing deeply, he reached the last step. Holding on to the banister, he took a good minute to recover from the climb. Thoughts of all the food at the buffet made his mouth water. He had been looking forward to it all day. Actually, it didn't matter to him who went with him, as long as he was there himself. With a bar of soap he washed his armpits and the underside of his fat breasts, which swayed violently despite their firmness. Groaning from bending over, he took off his boxer shorts and also washed the underside of his stomach. These were the places where there were the most sweat spots in this hot weather. They eventually started to itch, he knew from experience. And he felt cleaner and fresher when they were washed. He didn't take time to take a shower. He wanted to be ready when Eder got back. He didn't mean to piss him off. He wanted to go to the supermarket himself, but sometimes he just couldn't find the energy to do it. Then he couldn't pull himself away from the television and the couch and he stayed seated. All day. Like today.

Naked, Jackson walked to his bedroom and took a pair of clean boxer shorts from a drawer. A purple one. He never wore briefs. They were no longer comfortable now that a large fat pad was growing under his belly. He flopped clumsily onto his bed and struggled to get the boxer shorts over his feet. His legs had grown a bit bigger again, he felt as he pulled at the fabric. He lifted his stomach and pulled the boxers up a little further. Again he breathed deeply, as if he had exerted himself heavily. Groaning, he got up and walked to his wardrobe. Decent clothes. What were those actually? Jeans will be better than sweatpants. It was a great opportunity to also wear the new blouse that he bought last month. Jackson didn't like to wear jeans and blouses. He preferred looser clothing around his body, such as sweatpants and shirts. They gave him more freedom of movement and were easier to take off if he got hot. The first pair of jeans he found in his messy wardrobe went straight into the trash. It dates back to the time when he first moved into the house and he could barely pull it over his thick calves. The second pair of jeans had frayed holes at the knees. The pants slid more easily over his calves, but got stuck at his thighs. Sitting on the edge of his bed, Jackson tugged at the dust in frustration. Well, surely he still has one pair of jeans that fit? With a loud crack, the holes at the knees tore out and with a thud, Jackson fell back onto the bed. He had pulled too hard and so these pants also had to go in the trash. Panting, he got up and looked through the shirts in his closet for another pair of jeans. He heard the front door slam shut. Eder had returned, so time was running out. The taxi that would pick them up would be at the door in about an hour.

It was good to see that Jackson was no longer on the couch, a sign that he was changing clothes. Do not get me wrong. I wasn't the type who only wanted to be seen with people in expensive clothes. But I also didn't want to be seen in a restaurant with someone who looked like a beggar. I hurriedly emptied the shopping bag. Finally, Coke! I poured the remainder of the water from the glass into the sink, filling it halfway with coke. I also brought a box of frozen pizza rolls that Jackson had requested. They seemed gross to me, but Jackson ate more of what seemed gross to me. For example, sandwiches with cheese spread, real cheese, jam and chocolate sprinkles. He could eat a whole loaf of it. I greedily drank the coke and ran upstairs to my room to change clothes. I didn't see Jackson. He had closed his bedroom door. I didn't really feel like saying anything to him. There was a nice tense atmosphere again. That promised something for tonight. I personally had no problems finding nice clothes. A lot of it came from the time when I was in a better financial position. Then I had too much money, or so it seemed. Buying designer clothes was one of my hobbies. Crazy actually. It was never about the brand for me, but the clothes were just beautiful. And the quality was good, which is why I can still wear them now. It is not yet pale or full of holes. Then I had a good job at a large bank. Sometimes I still regret leaving. Well… I had indeed resigned there myself. I had my reasons, so I didn't really have to regret it. Money wasn't everything. There was also such a thing as personal happiness. Not that I found that afterwards. I was still searching for what I wanted to do with my life. I started to feel more and more in a hurry. I wasn’t 18 anymore and I wouldn’t live forever. A loud groan sounded, followed by a 'damn it'. Well, Jackson is having a hard time with his clothes. For a moment I thought I was going to check on him, but something stopped me. A white Calvin Klein t-shirt with print. I was going to wear that this evening. With black jeans. Time to get dressed.

When Jackson came to live with me, he was a slim, even athletically muscular boy. Afterwards I heard about his street life, how he had always had to run from the police and that he trained almost every day with climbing frames in playgrounds and loose paving stones that he pulled off as weights. So I understood how he got that body. If I must believe his stories, he never had a home before. No one took care of him. I think he likes it here. Not that I care for him, and I only clean his mess because he doesn't do that himself and I like living in a reasonably clean house. But I still have to cook. For myself, so I cook a little extra and he can eat too. At first he ate almost nothing. Everything I made was dirty. We always ate separately and often he wasn't even home. I then saved a portion for him to heat up in the microwave. When the plate was empty the next morning I knew that he had come home, that he had probably slept in bed and that he did like the food. One day he told me that his best friend had been arrested and taken to prison. He hoped for a while that things would not be too bad and that friend would receive a less harsh punishment, but that turned out not to be the case. Yes, from that moment on Jackson stayed home more often and we ate together more and more. From that moment on I was also able to cook increasingly larger portions. The food tasted good to him. Too good perhaps. There were days when he would lie down in bed after dinner with a stomach ache because he had eaten too much. About six months ago I started noticing that I was losing food. Then suddenly the milk had disappeared from the refrigerator or I couldn't find a pack of cookies that I was sure I had stashed in the pantry. Of course Jackson didn't know anything about anything, but I still assume he drank it or ate it. At first I thought he was suffering from a tapeworm, but when his weight started to increase seriously I knew better. In just under a year and a half, Jackson went from a fit, muscular guy to the over-the-top pudding he is today. He didn't seem to care that much. Sometimes I wondered if he even realized that he had become so fat.

I nervously looked at the clock in the living room. The taxi would arrive in fifteen minutes to take us to the restaurant. I didn't even know Jackson had ordered a taxi. While changing clothes I realized that I didn't know how we were going to get to the city center. Somehow I always think that the bicycle is the only means of transport these days. Sometimes I'm not quite right in my head, I know that. I did like to walk to the city myself. If I have an appointment with one of my friends. I'm not afraid of a brisk walk. But I don't see Jackson walking far anymore. He would probably faint halfway due to his weight. By the way, he could hurry up changing clothes. Otherwise he would be late for his own dinner. I always liked to be on time. Better much too early than a little too late. I didn't know why that was. I did know that I could be annoyed if I had made an appointment and the other person showed up much too late. Of course something could come up, but please let it know. Or those people who were way too early. That I was sitting relaxed on the toilet and the doorbell suddenly rang. You can also call or app then, right? In the kitchen I filled my glass halfway again with cola. That was one of my weird things too; Fill glasses halfway. Just imagine if that taxi came and I hadn't finished the Coke yet. Then it would sit on the counter all evening and it would be lukewarm and without sparkles when I came back. Then I could wash it down the sink. I wasn't a big drinker. Not a big eater either, but I just didn’t get a smaller glass. And where was that fat guy? How much time did it take you to change clothes?

I looked at myself in the mirror by the stairs. The Calvin Klein shirt still fits well. The black jeans had become a little too big, but that's why they invented the belt. In the past three years I had not gained any weight, rather lost it. Due to the stress of not having money I had lost about 50 pounds. I had never been really fat. Quite sturdy. In any case, I was more solid than I am now. People complimented me on losing weight, but a compliment is worth nothing if losing weight was not the intention. Unfortunately, I knew what it was like not to have money to buy food. And if the money was there, I wouldn't be hungry because of all the worries. Fortunately, that period was now behind me. There was a heavy stomp on the stairs and Jackson appeared, huffing and puffing like an old steam locomotive. He descended slowly and laboriously, step by step, holding tightly to the railing. My god… what did he look like! The jeans he was wearing were so tight around his legs that he could barely bend them. His new yellow blouse that looked like it came straight from Hawaii (I thought it was ugly) was no less tight around the rest of his body and certainly didn't hide his love handles, which were too big to hold with one hand, bulging out of his pants. They even hung over it a bit. The yellow fabric wasn't strong enough to support his belly, so it hung low over his crotch. The buttons were tense, as if they were about to pop off at any moment, and openings showed the black color of his flesh. One button above his navel wasn't even closed. His fat arms literally bulged out of the short sleeves. Why hadn't he just put on baggy sweatpants with a t-shirt and left his ugly blouse open? Shit man! If I sent him back to wear something else, he would definitely be late for the taxi.

“You look good,” Jackson said, a little surprised when he caught his breath.

It had indeed been a long time since I had put on my old, expensive clothes. I didn't have to hit on anyone at work anyway and there was no point in wearing expensive clothes on the bike. They would only get dirty with sweat.

“Thank you,” I stammered, not really knowing what to say about him.

The doorbell rang, meaning the taxi had arrived. I quickly said that his new blouse looked good on him as I walked to the front door. Jackson waddled after me. I think the driver was also shocked by that big, black figure behind me, because he quickly took a step back when he saw Jackson. At the taxi I buttoned the open button of his blouse with some difficulty, after I had asked him to hold his stomach for a moment. Why hadn't he bought a size larger? Jackson struggled to get into the backseat of the taxi. While sitting, there was even more pressure on the buttons. The one I had just closed had sprung open again. He seemed to be having trouble breathing. Was he holding his stomach in? In my mind I hoped that nothing crazy would happen in the restaurant. Even if nothing crazy happened, it would still be a special evening. I realized that I had never had dinner with a black guy before. Perhaps it was normal in his culture to walk around with broken buttons on a yellow Hawaiian blouse. Well, at least that's not the case here. Jackson moaned softly. His pants were very tight.

We got to the restaurant in no time by taxi. I looked at Jackson as he paid the driver. The button on his blouse wasn’t just opened, it was gone! It was probably still in the taxi. I didn't feel like looking for it. And Jackson wasn't even aware that he was missing a button. He didn't notice at all that his belly fat was now bulging out of the gap between the buttons in his blouse. If only he had worn a black blouse, it wouldn't have been so noticeable. He walked towards me with a cheerful look. He must have felt blissful from all the smells of freshly baked food that greeted us. Modest as I was, I let him into the restaurant first. After all, he had made a reservation and would pay afterwards. He waddled impatiently after the waiter who pointed to our table. He probably saw the opening in the blouse, because he gave Jackson a dirty look. Funny how truly modest people don't point out flaws to others. Just like that snot in someone's nose that you don't point out to him or her, so that they look like an idiot all day long. I kept a small distance from Jackson and the waiter, as if I didn't want anyone to think I belonged with them, while soon afterwards I was sitting at the same table. Some of the other guests had also seen Jackson and many quickly turned their eyes away. Their children giggled softly, but luckily no one spoke to us.

“I'll go to the buffet,” Jackson said. The drool just barely came out of his mouth. “Will you order me a Coke?”

What the…! Before I could respond, he had gotten up and walked over. I must admit that the extensive buffet, which was clearly visible from our table, looked very inviting. And maybe it was better that way, because I saw dozens of people looking up when he walked past.

The situation reminded me of the barbecue I hosted for my friends and family early last year to celebrate my permanent employment at work. It was more of a party out of common decency, because my bond with the family was already crumbling considerably. Jackson was there too, of course, and a few of his friends, and although he wasn't as heavy as he is now, he had already gained quite a bit of weight. His friends looked at him the same way the people here do now, with some disgust on their faces. Well… those friends were still mainly on the street. They did not want to participate in the project in which the municipality would also look for a house for them. I never saw those friends again afterwards. Actually pretty sad for Jackson. Sometimes I wonder if it doesn't hurt him. He also ate at the barbecue. Even when everyone was gone, he continued to eat. I think that was also the first time he went to bed with a stomach ache. I wanted to call an ambulance, but he really didn't want that. All the meat was gone. The next day it came out again in the toilet. The whole house smelled of it. It was one of the few times Jackson had apologized. Not only because of the smell, but also because of his poor behavior the night before in front of my family and friends. He was ashamed. I didn't think he should have apologized. I already wanted to get rid of my family and the meat had gone nicely. My friends… they didn't like him that much. They felt he was taking advantage of my kindness. They didn't come to my house that often anymore. Especially when Jackson was there and he was almost always there. That's why I went to visit them, or we went to a terrace in the city center.

“A coke and a sweet white wine,” I ordered when the waiter came by.

A nice sweet wine, I deserved it after a week of hard work. Jackson drank almost no alcohol. An occasional beer, in the evening in front of the television when I had bought toast or other tasty things. A table further away I heard children giggling. Not much later, Jackson appeared. There was a mountain of food on his plate. Shrimp, eggs, something that looked like a steak, a puff pastry case with ragout and all kinds of things were hidden under a pile of potato salad.

“Could there be more to it?” I asked sarcastically as Jackson sat down.

The coke and wine were brought, after which he eagerly looked for his cutlery, on which he had placed the plate. “I'll go back right away.” He smiled showing his big white teeth. “So, let's enjoy first.”

I pointed out to him that his cutlery was under the plate because he looked like he was trying to push the food in with his hands. I couldn't deny that Jackson always ate with relish. I could learn something from that. I always eat in a hurry and because I have to. In the past, I often didn't take the time to cook a decent meal. Sometimes I even skipped meals. If I didn't feel like driving to the grocery store to get something to eat, I didn't. Now that Jackson is here, I eat more regularly. At home then. If I forget to take bread to work again, I can still easily not eat for the whole day.

“You should have told me that a button on my blouse is missing,” Jackson said suddenly between two big bites.

Wow, awkward moment. Someone had apparently brought it to his attention. I didn't know what to say for a moment. It might have been polite if I had made a comment, but then? We couldn't quickly drive home to get another blouse or shirt.

“You're right, I could have let you know that a button is missing,” I finally said. “I hope you don't feel uncomfortable now,” I said afterward.

Jackson shrugged, stuffing his mouth with the last bite before this plate was empty. I stared at him, waiting for him to swallow the bite and answer.

“I'm here to eat, not to worry about what others think. There's nothing wrong with male black meat, right? Let them take a good look. And I'm also here to have a good time with you."

He added the latter quickly, as if he were afraid of offending me. He pushed the empty plate to the center of the table and stood up again.

“I'll go again.”

And he was gone.

A buffet was actually not suitable for two people at all. If you went there with a group, there was always someone at the table with you. If there were only two of you, you were often alone. The sweet wine here was tasty. That was not the case at every restaurant. After taking a big sip, I decided it was time to take a look at the food myself. Jackson stood by the hot plates, where chefs were preparing the meat and vegetables. I myself was more into the small snacks. They had plenty of those here too. A glass of shrimp cocktail. That was mine. And some deviled eggs. A few slices of smoked salmon (I was a fish lover) and meatballs. Oh…did I see fried squid rings there? I took that with me too. It seemed like a lot, but my plate was not even half full. I had barely sat down at the table when Jackson also returned. His plate was fuller. Two steaks and a sirloin steak. That was also one of those dirty things that Jackson couldn't get enough of. I once ate a sirloin steak at my ex's parents' house. Damn! That filthy fat edge. I still get nauseous when I think about it. It was the first time in my life that I didn't eat the food out of decency, which led to another awkward situation. I really couldn't get it in no matter how much I wanted to.

“Thanks for the invite,” I said, trying to make conversation as Jackson devoured the meat in front of him. “I know you would rather have been here with your friends…”

The latter came out before I knew it and I decided not to finish my sentence. I didn't know how much Jackson would be bothered to hear it.

Jackson shrugged again, but made no further response.

“Don't you ever miss them?”

I couldn't resist asking the question. Personally, I would miss my friends if they suddenly disappeared from my life. Jackson stopped eating for a moment and stared at the half-gnawed sirloin steak on his plate.

“They themselves chose to drop me,” he replied somewhat under his breath. I had to make an effort to understand him. “I don't miss people like that.”

He lifted the sirloin steak to his mouth with his hands and began to hastily bite off large pieces. I didn't have time to ask more questions, because Jackson got up again to get more.

Maybe it was his tactic to shut me up. Jackson didn't like to talk about his friends. In the beginning, yes. He was almost proud of them, how they managed to survive on the streets. I often had discussions with him about the ethics of stealing, but Jackson really thought differently than me, so those conversations were never satisfying. Let me also go to the buffet. The nice thing about buffets was that you didn't have to eat everything in a certain order. You just took what you felt like at that moment. People always looked at me in amazement when I could fill a plate with desserts in between, and then move on to savory, warm things. They just had white chocolate mousse here. And brownies. Ice cream, I wasn't crazy about that. This is enough for now, I can always go back. Jackson was already in place. Two full plates lay on the table in front of him. Was one plate no longer enough or something? It made me feel sick looking at the two mountains of food. What must those chefs have thought when that fat boy appeared in front of them with two plates? Would they have made a comment? Parts of the food slid from the plate onto the table as Jackson eagerly began to eat it. It looked quite unappetizing. The big bites he took, which were swallowed almost without chewing. Others saw it too. They had followed him with their eyes from the moment he passed their table with the two full plates. Have you ever seen someone looking at something in disgust? The restaurant was now full of looks like this. I think the children found it exciting and probably wondered whether he would get to finish the plates. Well, he seemed to be able to do it easily. With a soft 'pop' a second button popped off the blouse, revealing even more of his black belly. Shit man! He won't be walking half naked to the buffet again, will he? I pretended to be invisible and turned my gaze to the white chocolate mousse on my plate as several other guests walked past our table on their way to the exit.

“Disgusting,” one of them said quietly.

Jackson didn't notice. He was too busy scarfing down the food. “Delicious!” he suddenly shouted.

I was shocked and choked on the mouse. Others looked our way. What the hell…! I stared at my plate again. Maybe I should just walk away. Er… get chocolate mousse again or something. Satisfied, Jackson rubbed his stomach and felt the second button had disappeared. He smiled. “This is really great man!” he said, leaning back to give his stomach more room.

He sat there for a moment and stared into space. I wondered what was going through his mind at this moment. What would someone who had just consumed four full plates be thinking about? Jackson rubbed his stomach again, then struggled to get up.

“Are you really going back to the buffet with your blouse half torn open?” I said cattily. I was terribly ashamed. What must those people be thinking? More and more of them seemed to leave because of him. Jackson nodded his head. He probably didn't care what I thought about it. Suddenly there was a loud gurgling sound under the blouse. “Ooh, but first I'm going to the bathroom,” Jackson said. 'And quickly too. All that food is putting pressure on my intestines. Can you help me get up?'

I didn't dare look into the restaurant anymore for fear of all the eyes that were undoubtedly staring at us, while Jackson tried to get out of the chair, leaning on me. Wow, that boy was heavy! With a clearly audible groan and a final effort he straightened his legs. While he waddled towards the toilets, I quickly ran back to the dessert corner of the buffet. I don't belong with him… I don't belong with him, was all I could think. Some children started laughing and pointed after him. There was a huge tear in the jeans near his butt. The purple boxer shorts he was wearing were clearly visible. Oh my God! Back at the table, I hoped Jackson would never return. That this was all a bad dream. I never asked him to wear clothes that were too tight. Just decent clothes. I quietly ate the freshly made chocolate mousse. Would Jackson really want to eat more? How was he going to make it? With a torn blouse and pants? I would be ashamed of myself if I walked around like that. Should I forbid him from getting more? That wasn't possible, right? Maybe all this wasn't necessary and my first wish came true, because it took quite a while before Jackson showed himself again. Crazy things went through my head. Could he have fallen down the toilet? Could he have produced such a big turd with all his food that he couldn't get it out? Could he have gone into cardiac arrest due to his obesity? Only then do you realize that no matter how ashamed you are of someone, you don't want anything serious to happen to that person. It took at least half an hour before he appeared again. His torn pants hung in front of his crotch. He couldn't get it any higher. The bottom of his stomach was sticking out of his blouse, in front of the purple boxer shorts, which would certainly have been visible otherwise. The waiter looked after him. Fortunately, more guests had left in the meantime, which made me feel a bit safer.

With a sigh he sat down opposite me again. “I couldn't get my clothes on, man,” he said. “I got a little bigger than I thought.”

Finally, Jackson showed traces of self-knowledge. And I hoped that, like me, he thought it was time to go home. But unfortunately. Drooling, his head turned back towards the buffet and I could almost hear him thinking about what to get next.

“You know there's a huge tear in your jeans?” I said, stopping him from getting up.

I didn't feel like having to support him again. Jackson looked at me in shock. Apparently he didn't notice. I don't think it's strange if your belly is so big that you can't see your own pants while sitting on the toilet, even though they are hanging around your ankles.

'Your ass is bulging out, man. You really can't do that.'

Jackson stared at the empty table in front of him, clearly disappointed. I thought that was sad again. For him, a nice dinner should not end in disappointment. Especially since he was the one who paid. “Can't you go get me a plate?” Jackson asked softly. 'Just one, then we'll leave quietly.

Well, go ahead then. I wasn’t really willing to be treated like his personal servant, but there was no other option. As long as he just sat there with his big, black body and torn clothes, he couldn't attract much more attention than what he had already done. He didn't really care what I took with me. Everything was tasty, so I took the liberty of putting everything on the plate. Pizza slices, mashed potatoes with sausages and a variety of meats freshly baked by the chefs on the griddle. Previously I judged the food mountains that he had brought with him, but now I do exactly the same. Perhaps I should have taken two plates with me. The chefs smiled at me. Of course they knew that all that meat was not for me. Jackson was amazed when I came back. I had managed to put more food on a plate than him. Immediately he started eating it. In the meantime, I got a plate of small dough dishes that I hadn't seen before. At the table I grabbed one myself. I gave the rest to Jackson, who already had half of the full plate empty.

“Man, this is so good,” he said with his mouth full, after which he added a triangular-shaped dough snack.

Honestly, I don't cook that well. Not that extensive anyway. Somehow I felt at ease again. As long as Jackson stayed put. All he had to do was eat. And it helped that many people had already left the restaurant. It was already almost nine o'clock. Many people don't stay in a restaurant for very long.

What a slimeball! I've never seen someone so squirming and begging for a plate of food. One plate had become four. Finally time for dessert and so I walked between the buffet tables for the fifth time in search of sweet treats. Okay, what should I take with me? Profiteroles, brownies, cupcakes. Chocolate mousse; pure, milk and white. The plate was completely full again when I walked back to the table. Jackson breathed deeply. He barely got up to reach the plate. That's what you get when you eat that much. I walked back to the buffet, to the wide freezer that was there. Jackson liked ice cream, I knew. After all, he ate all those tubs of ice cream, which I wanted to save for those few times when I really felt like it. They had many flavors here. Hmmm… banana, chocolate, vanilla. And a few scoops of less common flavors. So, a generous dollop of whipped cream on top. If he still wants to eat, I will let him eat!

“You're good to me,” Jackson said as I returned to the table and placed the bowl of ice cream and the huge mound of whipped cream next to the plate of desserts. I sat down on my chair and decided that this would be the last round. The restaurant was about to close and Jackson looked like he was going to explode at any moment. There were only buttons left on his blouse near his breasts. The rest popped off two plates ago. He had also unbuttoned his pants to create more space for his stomach so he could push even more food into it.

“I can't take it anymore,” he finally said with a deep sigh that made his face look painful.

His overfull stomach pressed on his lungs, making breathing difficult and even painful. It also made a gurgling sound. Maybe it was too tight. I hadn't seen Jackson eat this much before.

“That's a shame,” I said.

'Come on, your plate is almost empty and you still have to finish that ice cream, right? That whipped cream isn't filling. You'll finish it in no time.'

Jackson nodded, as if he thought I was right, and continued eating the chocolate mousse. If you're so greedy, eat everything, I thought. Otherwise it's a shame. Of that ice cream and of my time getting it. Slowly, Jackson finally brought a spoonful of ice cream to his mouth. Apparently the ice cream was very tasty, or it was just a new flavor that made Jackson eat faster again. Spoonfuls of whipped cream eagerly disappeared into his mouth. Almost empty. He leaned back in his chair, trying to relieve the painful pressure in his stomach.

“Just a little more,” Jackson panted when the ice cream was gone too. “Just a little more pudding, I can still finish that.”

But I had other plans and called the taxi. Jackson didn't seem to be completely in this world anymore. His eyes looked dazed, as if he were going to faint at any moment. If I had gotten more, it would have been good, but I thought he actually wouldn’t mind to go now.

The waiter looked wide-eyed at the large, black belly, most of which rested visibly on his thighs, as Jackson paid her. Tipping was probably something he had never heard of, because he paid to the cent. My phone beeped. The taxi had arrived, I saw on an app.

“We have to go, the taxi is here.”

I hopped out of my seat with relief. As I expected, it had been a strange evening. On the one hand I was happy that it was over, but something in me also liked it. It was just a shame his clothes were too tight. That had attracted too much attention.

“I…I can't get up!” Jackson groaned. 'I ate too much.'

Of course I was allowed to support him again, but this time it was more difficult to get him up than when he had to go to the toilet. He kept falling back into the chair. His gut looked hard and swollen. A soft burp left his mouth. We had to hurry. This taxi wouldn't wait forever. Fortunately, one of the servers was kind enough to help us. Or he just wanted to get rid of us. They were probably happy that we were going. The waiter stood on the other side of Jackson and with some effort we got Jackson out of the chair. He held his stomach tightly with both hands as we guided him to the exit.

“What a big eater,” the waiter said to me.

He winked. I give him a phony laugh. The clerk and driver helped Jackson into the taxi. I took a seat next to him in the back seat and hoped to become invisible again through sheer willpower. It was not easy to get him into the taxi. He could no longer bend over, there was too much food in his stomach for that. Finally, he collapsed into the backseat, his legs spread wide to provide all the room his belly needed. Weird gurgling noises came out of it as Jackson gently rubbed it. He breathed deeply. As long as he doesn't fart here. The driver probably thought the same, because he raced us back home, taking a speed bump a little too fast.

“I'm exploding!” Jackson shouted, when the threshold was behind us and I had regained my place in the backseat. Jesus, that guy was really in a hurry. A loud belch escaped Jackson's mouth. The driver remained silent. Even when the taxi started to smell like grilled meat and fried potatoes. The gurgling sound from his stomach became louder and louder and for a moment I wondered if it was actually possible to explode from eating too much. Fortunately, we were back in my street. While Jackson was trying to get up in the restaurant, I had taken the liberty of grabbing his wallet, which he had placed on the table. Fortunately, there was still enough money in it to pay the driver. This one didn't get a tip from me either, grumpy guy. He hurriedly parked the taxi on the sidewalk in front of our house. It was clear he wanted to get rid of us.

No doubt the driver would have thought we were the biggest bastards he had ever transported. He sullenly took the money I gave him. Huffing heavily, as if he were about to give birth at any moment, Jackson lay slumped in the backseat. Judging by the smell that made its way out when I opened the door, he had just farted.

“Help me,” he said softly, trying to pull himself out of the doorway.

It was not easy to get that monster out of the car. He had done an extremely good job in the restaurant. Eight large plates of food, that's no small feat. After ten minutes he had not moved an inch. The driver looked impatiently at our fumbling. It didn't interest me. What a jerk! Once again, Jackson fell back into the backseat after I tried to pull him up. A loud fart escaped. Jackson groaned.

“Come on, one more time,” I said, grabbing his arm again.

Jackson remained seated. “I'm in so much pain.”

Don't whine so much. It was his own fault that he was now sitting there with a painfully full stomach. I counted down and pulled him out of the taxi with all my strength. It worked. Panting, he stood in front of me, holding his stomach tightly again. The driver stood there and looked at it. I didn't spare him a glance. As I supported Jackson to the front door, I heard the taxi drive away with screeching tires. Another loud fart sounded. Digesting all that food will produce the necessary gasses. His belly looked big and hard. Maybe it was a good idea to make him throw up over the toilet to take away most of the tension. Calling an ambulance was not an option, Jackson never wanted that when he had a stomach ache from eating. Maybe he was ashamed of himself if he had lost control again. In any case, it didn't look good. Jackson's face contorted in pain with every step he took and that black belly, it was really big and bloated. It stood out heavily in front of us as we walked down the hall. His head was wet with sweat and he was breathing deeply. I honestly thought he was going to drop dead at any moment. That his heart couldn't handle it anymore. He was already out of breath, and he still had to climb the stairs. I thought it would be better, and he wanted it too, to put him on the bed instead of on the couch. He had plenty of room in bed to recover from all the food. And I would rather have him release all the fumes in his room than in the living room.

Gawd…! And just as I was using force to push him up by his fat ass, he let another one out. Jesus, they were getting harder. The neighbor must have heard this. And the smell! Oh my God. A really diarrheal smell! Disgusting. We were almost at the top of the stairs. After each step, Jackson needed a few minutes to catch his breath. With one hand still holding his stomach, with the other he lifted himself up onto the banister. If only it didn't come loose from the wall it was attached to. If Jackson were to fall now, I would be beneath him. Neither of us would probably survive that. But that smell… terrible!

“I can't anymore,” Jackson whimpered.

His stomach rumbled unnaturally loudly. This is the moment it's going to burst, I thought and pushed his ass again. Groaning, Jackson stepped up another step. His blouse was below us, in the hallway. I had helped take it off so he could move a little more and to cool him down a bit as the sweat was pouring off his body. Hop, another step!

“We're almost there,” I said as Jackson collapsed.

He shouldn't be stuck here now. I didn't feel like having to support him all night. I couldn't see how many steps we had to go, because his body blocked my view, but there couldn't be many. Jackson laboriously took another step. Then another. We were upstairs. I sighed. What a late night job. Jackson waddled to his room without my help. A burp. His ripped jeans hung from his knees as he flopped back on the bed. It creaked under his weight. Curious, I checked to see if his heart had not stopped yet.

“Thanks,” he puffed softly.

I nodded and left his room.

There I was, in the middle of the night, sitting on a slightly sagging couch in the living room. What a night. I had poured myself a coke. I didn't have any wine, but I was most certainly in the mood for it now. He came to live with me, Jackson, a year and a half ago. Slim, athletic, from the street and he used my house as a kind of youth center. Those friends of his, they were not sweethearts. Neither was he. My stuff disappeared, my money disappeared and my privacy was completely gone. I was bullied and humiliated in my own home. I couldn't get rid of him anymore. He was too well protected by the municipality for that. I had actually signed up to keep him in my home for five years myself. So I couldn't get rid of his friends either. I had even called the police a few times to have them thrown out of the house. Idiots, they were. When they had ridiculed me so much that I fled my own house crying, I had decided to poison Jackson. But yes... then I would go to jail myself and I wasn’t  willing to do that. I discovered that Jackson started eating more when he was sad or disappointed. I made good use of that knowledge because, I thought, if he gained a lot of weight, he would no longer be able to survive on the street and his friends would no longer be of any use to him. Then they would stay away. That would be nice revenge for Jackson's retarded behavior towards me. Not only in terms of his friends, but also in terms of the household. He really did nothing all day but watch television and give me orders. So I became his maid. I did the housework, laundry and shopping. And most of all, I cooked. I regularly asked him about his friends, about his mother and sisters. And about  his dreams and wishes. And I always asked before or during dinner. He almost never answered with words, but from the intense eating that suddenly occurred, I could see that I had hit him somewhere. Sad really, but I still wanted to get rid of him. I wanted to move on with my life, without someone constantly watching what I was doing and depriving me of the energy to do the things I really wanted to do. It didn't look like he was going to leave voluntarily. I'm just glad those horrible friends got the hell out of here. And that the clothes that were too tight were torn now. Fortunately, he couldn't wear those anymore. Well boy, you shouldn’t eat so much and be so lazy. That was not a healthy combination. Jackson, 400 pounds in a year and a half. Could I double that in another year and a half?

[reasoningdaily]

Psychology Today: Consciousness and Intrinsic Brain Information

Does consciousness arise exclusively from complex interactions in brain tissue (materialism)? Or does consciousness originate in some more fundamental level of reality (dualism)? Many nuanced philosophical versions of these positions have surfaced in recent years. The new science of consciousness remains consistent with established physical laws, while fully embracing the knowledge barriers and "hidden reality" imposed by modern physics.

Computer science contributes to this debate through developments in artificial intelligence (AI). A substantial blurring of distinctions between materialism and dualism may be in the works. One source of shifting viewpoints stems from a deeper appreciation of the role of information in both the physical and biological sciences. Information and consciousness appear to be close relatives, some even view them as marriage partners. Prominent scientists and philosophers may claim that “consciousness is just brain-wide information sharing.” But just what is this enigmatic entity “information,” a label often embraced with more enthusiasm than critical scrutiny?

Scientists naturally search for ways to identify, and hopefully even measure, some well-defined “intrinsic information content” of brains. One of today’s leading theories of consciousness was discussed briefly in my post of December 13, 2021, Consciousness and Integrated Information Theory (IIT), a controversial idea with plenty of supporters and detractors. One major issue for any information-based theory is that the meaning of “brain information” is generally subjective and context-dependent.

Information processing may involve multiple levels of organization, ranging from protein molecules, including the tiny microtubules, to cellular scales, to brain-wide cell assemblies to global fields of synaptic action. These nested structures can form and dissolve in fractions of seconds, changing their organizations and mutual alliances at the speed of thought. Brain structures are often loosely labeled as “neural networks,” but their relationships to AI networks might be anything from genuine physical analogs to loose metaphorical similarities. My purpose in this new series of posts is to examine possible relations between information and consciousness, starting at the most basic level so that the discussion is easily available to any interested reader.

Let’s first visit the “binary world” of information. Binary numbers are physically convenient. Bones placed on the ground, beads sliding on sticks, and punched holes in paper tapes have long been used to store and manipulate binary information. Punch cards were the standard means of inputting binary data to early computers. When punched properly, each card location either has a hole or no hole. A famous example of binary misuse involved the “hanging chads” of the 2000 U.S. presidential election. The world of binary information has taken on deep scientific significance—in the second law of thermodynamics, quantum mechanics, biological systems, and more.

Some Information Basics

Paul L. Nunez

Imagine sand buckets placed in a straight line on a beach. Empty buckets are designated 0 and sand-filled buckets are designated 1; fractional fills are not allowed. I adopt the symbol T (after computer scientist Alan Turing) to indicate the number of buckets in the line. As shown in my first figure, a T-bit binary number can represent base-10 integers up to the maximum number W = 2T – 1. Solving this equation for T yields the minimum number of bits (buckets or binary digits) needed to store the number W: T = Log2W. The right side is read, “the base 2 logarithm of W”. This equation has no fixed scientific meaning; it is simply the rule for transforming any base-10 number W into a binary number T, analogous to a simple mathematical rule like A x B = B x A. The binary transformation rule adopts the ceiling function of computer science, the provision that non-integer values of T are to be rounded up to the nearest integer. Thus, for example, ceiling function (6.2) = 7 bits or buckets; no partly filled buckets or hanging chads are allowed.

State Information

A system’s state is the collection of features that describe its condition, at a fixed time or, more likely, over a specified time average. This simple definition masks an extensive assortment of subtle issues that must be faced head-on in the quest to better understand consciousness. State information may be defined simply by the number of possible states of a system, let’s say water, which can be found in the states of solid, liquid, or gas. Economies, forests, and ant colonies can exist in different states. Brains can occupy many mental states—awake, dreaming, Alzheimer’s disease, planning a bank robbery, or thinking great thoughts. Neuroscience seeks relationships between mental states and measurable physical states. Such relationships are labeled the neural correlates of consciousness.

Let’s begin our discussion of states with simple die systems. If a single cubical die is placed or tossed on a surface, the six possible states of the system are 1 through 6. A polyhedron die is a three-dimensional object with W flat surfaces. If, for example, W = 128, each system state can be unequivocally labeled by a single positive integer in the range 1 through 128. This state description is independent of the causes or probabilities of occurrence of each state, which might be the result of a simple die toss, deliberate placement by an intelligent being, or some hidden process. We only require that the system be found in one of the 128 discrete states, independent of the cause or means of observation. The size of state information is defined simply as W, the number of distinct states that the system can be in. To be more precise, we may call W the size of the die's macro-state to distinguish it from the micro-states, which are determined by the locations and velocities of the elementary particles forming the die. State size can also be expressed by T, the number of bits corresponding to W.

Shannon Entropy

State information is often confused with Shannon information (or entropy) developed in modern communication theory. According to Shannon information, a message consists of a sequence of M symbols selected from an alphabet consisting of N symbols. For example, the 7-bit computer code ASCII can contain up to N = 128 symbols. Consider the message, “The Bird is cruel!”, which probably means nothing much to the reader unless he or she has read science fiction by Robert Heinlein. The message consists of M = 18 symbols, including letters, spaces, and an exclamation point. In the common practice of sending messages, meaning is supplied by both the message content and prior knowledge of the receiver. In contrast, the central goal of communication theory is to provide quantitative measures of the information content of messages, independent of meaning.

A message’s Shannon information is defined in terms of the probability of occurrence of each symbol produced by the sending system (whether human or machine). For example, the letter E is more likely to occur than other letters in English text. The information transmitted by each symbol involves a degree of receiver surprise; the letter Z conveys more information than the letter E and so forth. Shannon information is, by definition, additive. Each additional symbol received adds more information, but the additional information varies in size, depending on symbol probabilities in the chosen alphabet. Shannon entropy H is the average number of bits of information per transmitted symbol. If an entire alphabet were to contain only a single symbol, Hwould be zero. On the other hand, if all symbols were to have an equal probability of occurrence, Shannon entropy takes on its maximum value: H = Log2M. More generally, the Shannon entropy H of any collection of symbols, including but not limited to alphabets, lies in the range between zero and Log2M, depending on the probability distribution of the alphabet. H may or may not have any relationship to the intrinsic properties of the sender.

Provocative Equations of Information

Paul L. Nunez

Three major kinds of information are defined in figure 2: T (Turing buckets), H (Shannon entropy), and S (Boltzmann entropy). The three equations are nearly identical but express very different physical processes. The discovery of entropy in the mid 1800s was followed by the development of statistical mechanics in the late 1800s and Shannon’s communication theory in 1949. Many seem to have fallen for the fallacy that T, H, and S are the same creature because they satisfy (essentially) the same equation. In this regard, note that mechanical and electrical systems are often described by identical differential equations, providing the basis for analog computers.

Widespread confusion about information and entropy also originates from their inherently abstract nature, mixed interpretations of the symbols H and S, and the births and on-going maturation of many new informational siblings. For example, Boltzmann's sharp distinction between the macro and micro-states in classical statistical mechanics is not fully adequate to describe complex systems.

Brains other complex systems operate at multiple intermediate scales, leading to multi-scale entropy measures. The confusion continues to this day, especially with the advent of AI, quantum computing with quantum bits (qubits), quantum superposition of states, black hole entropy, cellular information processing, and much more. In future posts, I will discuss other kinds of information that appear to be related to consciousness.

Several efforts to find better-defined measures of intrinsic brain information have tentatively adopted Shannon entropy by interpreting the symbols of the Shannon message (M) as measured brain states (W), adopting Shannon entropy (H) as an approximation of the brain’s intrinsic information. One obvious problem with this approach is that the contents of a message may tell us almost nothing about the internal states of the sender. If the sender is a very simple system, like our 128-face die, its message may provide much of the die’s intrinsic macro-scale information. However, in brains as well as other complex systems, the relationships between the system messages (often obtained from experimental data) and the intrinsic information of the system is tenuous at best. I will look into these issues in more depth in my next post.

[readingsbylibramc]

birth chart reading for @downbadbythehour

hello! welcome to your reading. I’m gonna give you a quick overview of what I’m going to analyze about your natal chart. feel free to ask me anything if something isn’t clear, of course. you’ll find out your dominants’ influence on your persona, your physical appearance, impression on others and the way you approach the world; your ego, identity, the real you; your reactions, your desires, inner emotions; your way of expressing your feelings, your mind and ideas; your desires and approach to love; your energy tank, instincts and temperament; in-depth analysis of each house with their rulers and analysis of heavy aspects; love life + soulmates/karmic partners interpretation; your relationship with your friends; your family life; your approach to career and work in general + possible jobs suggestion; your style, fashion sense analysis; life purpose and past life description; basic transits’ analysis to describe your current mood and, last but not least, your secret skills, how to make the most out of your soul and manifest what you desire based on your birth chart.

🦋 chart shape, dominants

your chart is a bowl shape. all of your planets are focused in half of the chart. this usually makes the owner of the chart feel incomplete, as if a part of their life is missing. in your case, it would be something regarding your identity, your mind. you may look for this missing part of yourself in your partner, or maybe in your friends, or even in stuff like work, passions etc. this may cause you to be too dependant on others, or maybe you become obsessed and overindulge in what makes you feel complete.

your dominant planets are uranus, neptune and the moon. you are probably quite creative, or at least you have a passion for creative outlets; you may like music, reading, cooking, etc. you may be a trendsetter among your peers, or you may even become pretty well-known in your field. you are very sensitive and empathic, it comes natural for you to understand and absorb others' feelings. as a result, you might be quite introverted, you get tired easily when in social contexts.

your dominant sign is aquarius. you're eccentric and rebel, you don't like being told what to do. you're very considerate of others, as you focus more on the development of a group rather than your persona. that's because you want the people you frequent to be as open-minded as you are. aquarius people are capable of elaborating different ideas in a short amount of time; hence, you either overwork yourself, or you're not able to keep up with all your ideas, leaving projects unfinished.

your dominant element is air. in your life, you adore seeking knowledge of any kind. you may be interested in studying different subjects, from those you study at school like science, maths, literature etc. to more unconventional ones, such as astrology, psychology, criminology and so on. you enjoy interacting with people; even if you’re not that sociable, you’ll still be interested in their point of view and their ideals, as you see it as a way to expand your own mind. you’re also interested in vintage, and you may have a retro aesthetic or just like history in general.

🌎 ascendant in cancer, 0° / 1st decan ruled by the moon

being a water sign, cancer risings individuals are very intuitive and emotional, and that is exactly how you approach the world. you rely more on your sixth sense rather than logic, and mixed with your pisces energy you're extremely empathetic. you can read people's mood very well, it's easy for you to understand whether someone is sad, angry, happy... because of that, you always try to make people feel at ease, you're always kind with people, and that makes you extremely likeable. also, since cancer is ruled by the moon, you're probably a very genuine person. it's hard for you to hide your real emotions, and even if you wanted to hide them you wouldn't be capable. you could also have frequent mood swings. you have a strong sense of family and comfort to you, and hence it's extremely essential for you feel at ease to truly be yourself. let's suppose you're with a group of friends, and they suddenly bring someone with them that isn't very nice; you would probably get very stiff, and your mood would immediately go down. you also tend to be like a mother / sister to others, you hardly ever have superficial bonds. physically, since cancer is ruled by the moon you may have very round and big features to you; you could have big, watery and round eyes with perfect lashes, a button nose, plump lips... in addition, you may be petite or average height, and you could bloat easily.

🌞 sun in taurus, 15° / 2nd decan ruled by venus and mercury

you value stability in both romance and in your day-to-day life, like at work. you take care of your body and style in any sort of way. I imagine that you're not very extroverted, you prefer staying in, but I repeat that you still probably have nice social skills. or at least, they're your secret skills. you like keeping your mind active everyday, especially by following your passions. if you’re the logical type, you might enjoy playing sudoku or things like that. on the other hand, if you’re more phylosophical you might enjoy reading, writing etc. you have a great sense of duty, that makes you want to excel in whatever you do. in addition to this, you’re also very stubborn. you probably get in arguments with others because you don’t accept their advices/criticism and prefer going your own way. you may also tend to overindulge a bit, and become a bit lazy. you're also very attached to food, but you still keep a healthy diet. you enjoy the finer things in life, but might struggle with jealousy because of that. you have the tendency to look at other people’s achievements and get disappointed about yours.

🌙 moon in pisces, 11° / 2nd decan ruled by neptune and the moon

hands down my favourite moon sign! you're extremely empathetic and sensitive, you care a lot about others and you treat others' problems as if they were yours, you get totally immersed in them. you have quite a vivid imagination, you're able to idealize and picture anything you want. while this placement gives you an incredible amount of creativity, it can also make you uncomfortable. in fact, you may actually find yourself imagining every detail of every situation, even the worst ones. let's suppose you hear of a rape at the news; you literally start imagining the scene detail by detail, and it makes you extremely uncomfortable. actually, it literally ruins your mood, as it's as if you actually lived that scene. going back to the creativity matter, you have the soul of an artist; you have very enhanced emotions, and you're able to express them through artistic outlets. you could be amazing at writing poetry, books, art, music... also, your particular empathy of human's intellect can also make you an amazing psychologist or actress, as you're able to understand others' feelings and make them your own. you're extremely spiritual, and if you don't feel like that, you just have yet to have your spiritual awakening. you may be able to talk to spirits, for example, or perhaps you have very meaningful dreams. or maybe, you could literally predict the future through them. you're also most probably an avid daydreamer, you tend to get distracted easily because you're too busy thinking about random scenarios in your head. seriously, you could even make a movie out of them. you're also an hopeless romantic, and you dream of finding not just your spouse, but your literal soulmate. to make it simple, you want all of your daydreams to become reality.

pisces moon square gemini mercury: your thoughts and feelings are constantly in contrast with each other. your gemini mercury desires adventures and social interactions, your pisces moon wants intimacy and privacy. this results in indecisiveness, you change your mind pretty often, and that can cause you conflicts due to communication problems. you're also pretty opinionated, you don't hide your feelings when you act by impulse, even though you may feel guilty about it: you are very sensitive, you want to treat people well, but you could be impulsive or sarcastic and hurt people. at least, the positive side of this placement is that you're probably very intellectual, capable of taking in consideration both the subjective and objective side of an argument.

pisces moon square gemini venus: there are contrasting feelings in your relationships with others; after all, your pisces moon wants to commit to someone and be loyal to them. on the other hand, your gemini venus wants to be independent. you don't want to feel tied to someone, you still need your independence. those two desires of yours probably contrast each other, stressing you out. you want a calm, almost boring relationship, but with this placement you can't seem to have one. your feelings and self-esteem may depend a lot on your relationships, not only with your lovers, but also with your friends. if someone isn't loyal to you, you immediately start blaming yourself. in your life you may lack intimacy, and while it may make you feel better at first, based on the rest of your chart you actually need someone on your side. you can't do everything on your own. you need to find someone that projects your ideals of love. if you need a free-spirit, go look for one. it may take you a while, but if you learn all the lessons you need to learn from your breakups, you'll be able to live a peaceful life with your spouse.

pisces moon square gemini mars: your feelings are very intense. you may tend to react aggressively, or at least overreact. you feel the constant need to express your emotions, but you also want to be understood by others. you tend to be aggressive because you're actually afraid that others may be the first ones to hurt you. you don't really do it with malice, it's your way to defend yourself from eventual enemies. this placement also indicates that your childhood / family life was or will be quite turbulent. to cope with this placement, I'd suggest you to be a little bit more mechanic when you express your feelings. you don't have to hide them, just try not to vent all your anger around.

pisces moon square gemini saturn: you most probably felt misunderstood during your childhood, as if everyone were cold with you. maybe your mother (or anyone in your family/childhood) was emotionally absent or even aggressive, hence you didn't grow up in a completely healthy environment. this issue causes you to question your worth; you may have low self-esteem, especially during your early years. your family may have big expectations of you, and hence you feel the need to meet them, making you even more pressured to be perfect. overall, your personality may resemble that of your parents a lot, even though it may feel challenging for you. you're constantly strict with yourself, challenging yourself to improve. especially with your moon being in pisces, you always want to be at your best state, physically but also emotionally. you just want to radiate good vibes, even though you may feel limitated to share all of your true self due to saturn making harsh aspects.

🗣️ mercury in gemini, 6° / 1st decan ruled by mercury

mercury is in its natural place in gemini, your whole chart flows very well! you have great problem-solving skills, you are extremely intelligent and astute. when you were younger, you probably used to be the winner at games like hide-and-seek. this placement also enhances your thirst for knowledge of any kind, you want to learn at least a little about anything, from science to foreign cultures. yet, since you want to learn so many things all at once, you may lack precision and be a little bit superficial. on the other hand, you're a fast learner. you may often find people predictable, but in reality you're just ahead of them. you're also very open-minded, even though you still rely more on logic, not like your sister sign is sagittarius. yet, it's easy for you to be flexible in your day-to-day life, you don't have to follow a schedule to have everything under control, even though you may often suffer from stress and headaches due to this lack of organization. you may have a very youthful and positive voice, you just give off good vibes, you know?

gemini mercury conjunct gemini venus: this placement confirms your struggles to open yourself to the world. you’re insecure that your thoughts and ideas may be judged negatively by others, hence you just bottle them up with your feelings. this aspect is mostly positive, though! you’re probably a good singer, or at least you have a very calm tone of voice that is pleasant to hear. you’re able to see both sides of an argument, hence you may be good at helping people making up. you could actually be suited for psychology! you may also earn money through your voice and thoughts, so you could be a writer, a journalist, an actress, a singer etc. this placement assures that you may be sociable, or at least that you have great social skills.

gemini mercury conjunct gemini mars: this placement makes you slightly more aggressive with your words. in fact, it makes you look more assertive and almost bossy. you could often attack people with words when you get angry, and you can get quite provocative too. while you are quick-minded and it's hard for you to be tricked, you have a very sharp tongue that could hurt others. other people may not understand your sense of humor for example, and they could get offended. you love debates and expressing your opinions, as you take a lot of pride in your thoughts. yet, may also take things very personally, you get defensive extremely easily, and that makes it hard to have a healthy discussion with you as you're very fiery. you could often get into arguments.

gemini mercury conjunct gemini saturn: when you're speaking to someone you're not close to, you choose your words more wisely and patiently; with your friends, on the other hand, you take off your mask and you just act the way you feel to. you may also be the type to give dry answers, such as 'ok', 'alright', 'good' and so on. your tone is calm and placid, while your voice sounds quite youthful, but still with a note of steadiness. you're funny, but your humor is more sarcasm-based. you're not intimidated easily; even when someone tries to argue with you, you don't back up from it. you may dive deep into your mind to find the right answer you to your problem. even if it takes you some time, you manage to find a solution. a downside to this is that you may lack patience.

❤️ venus in gemini, 13° / 2nd decan ruled by mercury and venus

this is the flirtiest, most romantic gemini decan, but also the flakiest and most indecisive. your flirting style most probably includes jokes, teasing… things like that. even though you may seem flaky, as you like experiencing romance with different types of people, you’re actually quite picky. in fact, in order to fall for someone, you need to feel mentally attracted to them, not just physically. someone ignorant and stubborn that doesn’t care about learning something most definitely isn’t for you. you’re not the type to be super romantic and sweet with your partner or just people in general. you show your affection for example by sending them memes, making ironic jokes about them etc. also, when you’re into someone, you probably get very talkative! you start asking them simple questions about their life, even things like 'did you have lunch?’. also, you talk about them with all of your friends, and you find yourself thinking costantly about them. you’re very curious of nature, but you’re only interested in getting to know what catches your eye.

gemini venus conjunct gemini mars: you are very serious when it comes to love. you seek intense, long-lasting relationships, filled with both romance and passion. ironically, you tend to attract people that are the opposite, who are only looking for fun and casual romance. that could afflict your self-worth significantly, as you feel unlucky in love. this is also another placement that indicates that one of your parents, probably your father, or still anyone of the opposite sex probably influenced your approach to romance and sex. there are different scenarios I have in mind, but I'll talk about it later in the family life section.

gemini venus conjunct gemini saturn: as I've already mentioned above, you're a very affecionate and loyal partner. yet, due to this placement, there could be some insecurity around your love affairs. you may be too cold in relationships, it could be that you have troubles showing your love and affection for others. or perhaps, you're afraid of being in a relationship, and hence you may directly avoid them or break-up all of a sudden. you could literally jump into relationships, resulting in you getting hurt from time to time. because of this, with this placement marriage is usually delayed. it could be hard for you to find your true love, but it'll surely come. you could possibly date people more dominant / older than you, and I'd recommend you to get married after your saturn return, which is around your 27/28s. little side-note, you may often date karmic partners, aka partners from your past lives, so you may often experience this 'I’ve already seen you before’-vibe in your new encounters and relationships, and you’ll always learn something from all your relationships.

gemini venus opposite sagittarius pluto: you find yourself having crushes on random people often, love at first sight is common for you. but when you seriously fall for someone, they’re your only thought. you start searching for info about them online, and you wanna become part of their life too. you love intensely, but not everyone may enjoy that. there are people that could feel overwhelmed by your love, others that would vibe with you and offer you the same kind of affection. ironically, you tend to attract detached, manipulative people that most of the times don’t want anything serious. you’re prone to get jealous and possessive very easily, and this makes you suffer, as you may think there’s something wrong with you. maybe, it may even remind you of something that happened during your childhood, perhaps your parents were also very protective of you. love for you is a constant grow; your relationships will be hard, but there’ll always be something to learn to improve yourself and your confidence. little side-note, you may often date karmic partners, aka partners from your past lives, so you may often experience this 'I’ve already seen you before’-vibe in your new encounters and relationships, and you’ll always learn something from all your relationships.

☄️ mars in gemini, 15° / 2nd decan ruled by mercury and venus

you’re driven by the sense of intelligence. your intellect is your greatest strenght, it’s your energy tank. you’re interested in a bunch of things, and hence you may have trouble staying focused on one thing at the time. you probably have tons of hobbies, and you may end up not being much precise since you have tons of things that you have and want to do. you can’t stand boredom, you need your day-to-day life to be exciting and, above all, offer you something new to learn and / or experience. you probably fancy being very active: you go out often, you workout, you may also be the type to love partying and things like that. you’re extremely witty and curious, and you want to live your life to the fullest. you may often change your style, your opinions, maybe even your personality, and that could make you seem confusing and / or unreliable.

gemini mars conjunct gemini saturn: you're a serious competitor, as your mind is very strategic. your ambition makes you want to be the best wherever you are, and you may actually overwork yourself to achieve your goals. establishing your status is important for you. you may not be the type to act instantly, you prefer taking your time to follow a plan. in fact, you probably write down what you have to do in an agenda, or even in your phone's notes app. you have this strong sense of duty, as you feel 100% responsible of your fate. you're sure that, if you don't work hard, you don't deserve success and recognition. in fact, you don't take orders from others, you are your own boss. you could have materialistic tendencies, as wealth is what motivates you the most to work or just take action in general.

gemini mars opposite sagittarius pluto: with this placement, I assume that when you were younger you were some sort of victim. you could have been bullied, for example, you used to be insecure about the way you looked and were. you could have felt different from others, and they took advantage of that to make you feel even more insecure. or maybe, it was a parent, or every authoritative figure in your life, that restricted you from following your own ideals. because of that, now you constantly feel the need to prove yourself. you probably tend to accumulate a lot of anger all together, which you need to let all out or you could explode. you could find comfort in physical ways to relieve stress, like punching bags, slamming doors, etc. or perhaps, when you're angry you just get overwhelmed by all of your emotions. you may cry, scream, even throw up in certain cases. on the other hand, you are extremely magnetic and attractive to others, you naturally draw people towards you. you're also extremely passionate in whatever you do, you put your whole heart in doing things you love. you're very hard-working and determined to achieve your goals, making you extremely dedicated.

🏡 houses

your 1st house is in cancer. the first house rules the exterior, while the moon, cancer’s ruler, rules the inner part of yourself. that means that the way you look depends on how you are inside; if you’re sad, you may have this very depressed look not only on your face, but also in your eyes above all. or perhaps, you could be the type to be what you eat, so you could gain weight easily as soon as you don’t eat clean. you could also be quite weak, you don’t really have high stamina, you’d rather sleep than work out, but being physical active is extremely important for you. you come across as someone very shy, and you most likely are, even though you give off very good vibes, you don’t look intimidating but rather shy. you come off as someone very kind and warm, people probably look up to you for your manners.

your 2nd house is in cancer. jupiter is also sitting in this house. your family, home and cultural background may play a big role in your finances. you may earn money through your family’s business, or maybe you actually work with your family. you may also work from home, especially online/through social media. your adaptability is your greatest strenght; you’re probably good at a different variety of jobs, hence it may not be hard for you to find something to cope before deciding your definite career. this also confirms that your values, self-worth and security were shaped by your roots, childhood and family. having a dream, a goal to pursue and working hard for it is a great help to boost your self-esteem and be more self-aware. you may actually make money out of it, you could pursue the career of your dreams and earn a nice income from it. you may also find yourself attracting money easily, you may inherit a fortune or maybe you're going to get a good job that pays well.

your 3rd house is in cancer again. your parents were probably successful in school and university, and they passed down their knowledge to you. maybe, you may have the same interests or passions as them, or perhaps they want you to be academically successful just like them. you may also find yourself talking about your memories, as you’re very attached to them, or even directly about your childhood/parents. you’re also very open-minded, and you’re more flexible than the typical taurus individual.

your 4th house is in leo. your family had great expectations of you, which could have eventually led to anxiety/self-esteem issues. on the other hand, your parents cared about you, and they always made sure that you had everything you needed. if you have siblings, you were most likely the favourite child in the family, or at least you were spoiled by your parents, both with material things and affection. overall, your childhood wasn’t much turbulent, even though your parents most likely were quite strict with you. there could have been lots of arguing as well aside from restrictions, and hence it was hard for you to establish a proper emotional bond with them. because of that, you may feel a little insecure now, as you may constantly feel misunderstood by others.

your 5th house is in leo again. you shine bright when you're able to express your creativity and need for fun and light romance/sex. the thing is, with saturn here, you probably felt restricted at first. you could have been ashamed of having too much fun, or maybe you were afraid of being a parent (even though with this placement you could be a nice mother, who's both strict and nice when needed). your ability to have fun may be hidden from you, and you may not be able embrace it fully aside from daydreaming about it.

your 6th house is in libra. pluto is also placed in this house. you most likely involve beauty, art, aesthetics and creativity in your daily routine. your home environment probably looks very neat and well-designed. you care a lot about it, as much as you care about yourself; you put a lot of attention in your outfits and looks too, and you most likely love shopping. this is another placement that indicates that your ideal career should serve your need for creativity and self-expression. it’s very important for you to pursue a career that helps you find a way to express the creative side of your mind. you may also often find yourself dating people from your daily routine, hence co-workers, classmates etc. you may be passionate about routine, self-care, health and work, to the point that it looks (and feels) obsessive. you may attract enemies in your daily life, e.g co-workers that are jealous of your ambition. you might have to undergo different changes in your routine and health throughout your life, which can literally transform you both physically and emotionally.

your 7th house is in capricorn. this placement makes you very patient with other people, you could be the type to give other possibilities to others for example. capricorn in the 7th house may also manifest in a lack of romanticism in an individual, but I don’t think it’s totally your case. I assume that you are quite romantic, but exactly because of your romanticism, you tend to get very picky. you want your partner to meet your ideals of perfection, and hence you may often end up not dating anyone, or being let down by your own lovers. actually, you could even be afraid of love, especially because there could be a lot of karma around your relationships. you could have to experience lots of hardships throughout your love life, but they’ll help you become more mature. it’s also recommended to get married after your saturn return with this placement, hence after your 27/28 years. you may in fact attract partners that could be quite moody and unconventional, probably very emotional as well.

your 8th house is in capricorn. you may be prone to die old, and you may feel attracted to people that are older or more established than you. you are most probably going to have a peaceful death, yet it could be unexpected though. or maybe, you’re surrounded by unpredictable events of loss of any kind in your life. you’re fascinated by the occult, and you may even be/been able to talk to dead people. you’re very intuitive, and it’s easy for you to read through people’s words. you may as well have prophetic dreams. with this placement, there are also high chances that you’re going to marry someone quite wealthy, possibly a business person. you’re likely surronded by karmic friends and people in general. you may argue often with them, and your relationship with is very intense, but that’s because you have karmic lessons to learn, and they’re the ones teaching them to you. it’s something that will get better with time.

your 9th house is in capricorn again. you have a pragmatic approach to philosophy, school and experiences in general. for example, you may be the type to plan every day of a travel. at school, you were probably the type to prefer more logical subjects, but I assume that you were good at all of them. yet, you may often get lost in your thoughts and get unmotivated from time to time. since capricorn represents work and the 9th house is the house of travels, you may get to travel a lot for your job, or perhaps you may even find a job and get successful in another country. you may struggle to get out of your comfort-zone, even though your gemini stellium weakens this energy. as a result, once you start being more adventurous, you'll make the best out of life.

your 10th house is in aquarius. neptune is also placed in this house. you want to stand out from the crowd, you strive to establish your own morals and beliefs. you don’t want to conform to anything and anyone, as you’re a trend-setter and you want to be seen as such. you’d rather have a job where you can handle your work yourself, rather than having a boss. in fact, aquarius in this house makes you extremely resolute and motivated to achieve your goals and be independent. you may not be much interested in love, and if you are, you don’t overlook career either. having a stable and successful future that makes you happy is the key for happiness in your life. it could take you some time at first to be recognized for your efforts. you may easily experience 'almost-winner’ situation, and hence you could often make silly mistakes that ruin your work. it’s important to be focused when working, especially for you. yet, once you know how to balance this tricky energy and get your stuff together, you’ll earn a reputation for being an innovative and original person. you may be quite artistic, creative and emotional, you’ll probably focus your life on self-expression. you are most likely going to be independent at work, you'll most likely have your own business. you could possibly work online as well, you could earn money through the internet. you may also become famous or well-known on social media. generally speaking, you'll pursue an original career that will allow you to earn money in an unconventional way.

your 11th house is in aquarius. uranus and the moon are also sitting in this house. you love working in groups, especially if you're the leader. once someone becomes special to you, you'll do anything to protect them. even though you may face some insecurities, you’re typically a strong-minded person. you strive for independence, as you focus your existence on your witty intellect. you have the ability to achieve great things, as your mind is literally revolutionary, even though you may struggle to make those projects concrete. a downside to this placement is that you may not give enough importance to your words; you’re brutally honest, and you may often hurt someone with your thoughts. even though you may appreciate it, as you don’t like it when people aren’t straight-forward, you probably don’t realize the effect your words can have on others. you’re also quite stubborn, and you take particular pride about your ideals. you may feel offended when people disagree with you. or maybe, you don’t even say your opinions, because you could be aware of the weight of your words and you don’t want to hurt others, or you’re afraid of being judged. as for love, you tend to be very rational, you have strong boundaries and you're not willing to settle down for the bare minimum. you may also end up dating or even marrying a friend of yours, or maybe you mat have to befriend people before developing feelings for them, you're not the type to fall for someone at first sight.

lastly, your 12th house is in aries. the majority of your planets are also sitting in this house: the sun, venus, mercury, saturn and mars. there’s this side of you that is very bold and daring, but you struggle to let it out. it’s hidden inside of you, and you’re only able to show this side of yourself to those who can understand you. you’re also extremely scared of physical violence, like rape, fights, wars… they’re probably your deepest fears. you understand people’s thoughts just by looking at them, it’s like you’re staring at their souls. in fact, you’re extremely empathetic, you probably find yourself being a psychologist for your friends. or maybe, you’re actually a psychologist. you’re amazingly creative and imaginative, you have the ability to picture your ideas. you could want to be seen as bolder than you are, hence you could struggle with identity crisis, especially during your teenage years. you have your own morals and beliefs, but you could feel influenced by others to change yours. luckily, this is something that gets better with time, as you start being more aware of your persona and you start loving yourself. you're most probably a very complex individual. you're a sort of chameleon; you act differently based on where you are and who you're with. you could be a savage with someone, an introvert with someone else. you may even feel as if there's something wrong with your mind, as you just wish you could be like others. you're emotionally intelligent, and this mutability of yours could make you succeed at many different jobs in your life, as it's very easy for you to adapt to and master new things, especially with your mutable dominance. if you work hard, you can surely succeed in anything you want. you go with the flow. you struggle to be organized, you take things as they come. in fact, you rely a lot on your intuition rather than logic. this may make you appear as submissive, sometimes, as if you can’t stand up for yourself. you’re actually a very spiritual person though, who thinks deeply before acting. you’re aware of your actions, but at the same time you’re ready for eventual changes in your schedule/routine. you have no problems improvising, you’re very versatile. the problem is, you may rely so much on your intuition that you don’t take action. you’re the type to fantasize about being a better person, rather than trying to become one. you may also have the tendency to be passive-aggressive and avoid problems; you may prefer being cold to someone rather than trying to work your argument out.

❤️ love life, soulmates

in love you attract capricorn, cancer, virgo, libra, scorpio and pisces placements and/or traits. your future spouse will most likely have virgo traits or placements. they’ll be very similiar to you: smart and knowledgeable, but also with a warm, loyal heart and a hidden insecurity to them. you may meet them later in life, after a huge change or transformation in your life. your children will most likely have strong libra and scorpio traits: they’ll be very smart and intense, but also very sensitive deep down. also, they’ll be extremely intelligent and more mature as time goes by. they’ll also have a tender side to them, but that is often overshadowed by their seriousness.

👶🏻 family life

your mother is probably a very caring person that knows how to stand up for herself when she has to, but she may struggle to do that. she’s very smart, especially emotionally intelligent, but she’s also quite stubborn and possessive. she could be the stereotypical perfect, nurturing mom, and she may also be into cooking. yet, she could be a bit moody, over-emotional and strict. she's probably a careerwoman, and maybe she was a bit distant from your during your childhood because of her job. she may have leo, aquarius and/or virgo placements in her chart. your father is a bit more serious and focused on work, but he always made sure you had what you needed. he also has a more sensitive side to him, that he may not show often. he could be a pisces, a capricorn, a libra, taurus or aquarius or has placements in these signs. if you have siblings, they probably have prominent cancer / water placements in their chart. they are probably very witty and smart, and you have a very deep bond with them.

📊 career

you’re a very ambitious person, and hence I don’t see you being the type to scrap projects. especially with your aquarius midheaven, you’re motivated to complete your works in order to show that you’re able to succeed, you want to be the best in what you do. I can also see you being a good therapist, psychologist, possibly even a doctor of any kind, even though I’d avoid practical and boring jobs if I were in you. your strong pisces energy struggles to be cold-minded at times, and hence working in a stressful environment could be dangerous for you and for your mental health, as you may absorb others’ negativity and stress. actually, I feel like the most suited career for you would be something that allows you to be in charge, to be your own boss as you know what’s best for you. you may also do well with a creative career; you may become a writer, a dancer, a singer, a stylist, a model, an actress… anything that isn’t too practical could be good to you, and if it allows you to express your creativity it’s even better.

👗 fashion sense, style analysis

I imagine you put a lot of effort into your outifts, yet you don’t show it. you want to look effortlessly good, you don’t want to give the impression that you tried. your style may be quite minimalistic and simple, with lots of jeans, sweatshirts, plain t-shirts… I see you being more into natural shades, like white, grey, beige etc. you’re also not very fond of using too many accessories, you’re stylish but still very simple. you have this natural charm to you, hence you still look good even though your outfits may not be too complex.

👁️ past life, life purpose

in your past lifetime, you used to put your spirituality aside for a while to focus on finding out your identity here on the earth. you learned how to be responsible, healthy and stable on the earth. you know your values, and they’re already very grounded, you’re very mature from this point of view. in this lifetime, you now need to get more in touch with your spirituality. you need to get close to your higher self, and you may actually be quite skilled at it; probably you may interpret your dreams, you could be interested in religion, what’s beyond the world, and you’re most likely also interested in astrology and other occult matters. you’ll finally be able to reach happiness and fulfill your soul when you start having awareness of your soul’s purpose. since you’ve booked a reading, I’m sure you’re already on the right path, so keep going this way.

🤔 major transits analysis / april 9

this is probably a difficult time for you, as transit pisces saturn is currently touching your pisces moon. during this period, you may have higher expectations of you. actually, you may start becoming obsessive about your results, your achievements, which could eventually lead you to burn-out. due to this placement, I'd suggest you to take everything slow and easy, as you may start feeling depressed if you don't feel satisfied with yourself. also, try going out with other people. during this time, you may often feel lonely or misunderstood by everyone, therefore try to surround yourself with good company.

🧿 manifest what you want, secret skills

you’re very in contact with your spirituality, making you more sensitive to higher affirmations. you have the ability to visualize what you want. that’s the key to activate the loa: travel with your fantasy, and visualize what you desire. do you want a new car? imagine yourself doing road-trips on that car. a new phone? visualize yourself making calls with that phone. you can even literally create a story involving those topics and it will come true. you can also help yourself by writing and listening to your own affirmations, maybe covered up by some music. in this way, you'll develop a more optimistic mindset and you'll be able to attract more positivity in your life. you just have to believe in your power!

this is the end! thank you again for booking a reading, hope it resonated with you :)

- libramc xx

[thedivineart]

Hello! (I forgot time in the last ask :()

— passcode; gojoxartemis:)

Wishing you a marvelous day!

May I take part in the game please?

I am UR, sun sign is Pisces ♓

The time right now is, 18:39.

Thank you 💞🪔

7 THINGS ABOUT YOUR FUTURE SPOUSE

cards: 10 of diamond, 9 of diamond, king of diamond, 5 of diamond, king of spades, 6 of diamond, ace of diamond, 2 of diamond, 9 of hearts, 7 of diamond

this the first time that I got someone from a reading who is more powerful and rich at it seems, this dude in successful in ways of materialism and financially abundance as well the power they hold. it made me really wow since they got a lot of money, they could also own some airplane or when booking a flight they are in seats of first class or bussiness class, they do often travel via airplane or trying something adventure related to air or wind.

may also working as pilot, flight attendant, in air crafts or something related to air. they could be an air sign too such as Libra, Gemini, Aquarius. I feel whenever they go they got extra money, so when the time is need they have one, they often uses their brain and their mental energy with their wide imagination to done something. they could be famous as well and public offices is relevant to them.

they are intelligent and professional in terms of work and daily life basis, always busy and doesn't have enough rest most of the time, very energetic in working something to finish it up. I also feel that they could be either a career oriented or work oriented individual, they often surrounded by money. got a great pride into their professional life and persona, since they often seems busy at work there's a big possibility that they neglect the other part of their life and one of it love life.

they know how to magnet and attract money into their life, they may know how does law of attraction works too. you might find this person very attractive and magnetic like you'll be having the thought of "your magnetic field is a little bit strong here", seems that their charisma is taking you close to them. their personal space like their home environment have large personal possessions like a huge chandelier, a big cabinet, a long staircase, a huge sofa, and even a huge home or property and might be living in city life. this person is good at speaking and taking a speech without stuttering, specially in argumentative matters they good at dealing those things, may works as judge, attorney or in court of law.

a individual who is in authority level, very powerful and ambitious, could be more older or mature that your but I'll go into more older since they got two kings. they could also be a foreign one however they tends to be appear arrogant which can annoy other people, emotionally controlled, and calculating or opportunistic. they are quite and timidity but can be possessive and jealous individual, might be interested in psychology, science and technology or in technology. you might be shock how this person will approach you or someone to the both of will be nervous in first meet and that could be them, it seems a adrenaline feeling.

you may possibly embarking a new beginning, a fresh start or that could be them where the door of opportunities comes to you, they could be a high status individual, someone who respect and believe at marriages, you meet them also in engagements or they loves wearing rings in their finger. they may offer something like a financial help and they love food and probably can cook food.

will fulfill your desires or wish in life, a type of person who is aspiration to everyone, someone who have a lot of accomplishment and success in some areas of their life. as well being financially achievement, they got a lot of recognition and rewards whether in work and personal life cause it seems that they ready to give it all whenever they are working into something.

© thedivineart — i speak with myself alone that this is the only copy, original work and was answered by thedivineart for the participant who was join in recent game of this account user. leaving feedback is highly appreciated, Thank You♡

[system-of-a-feather]

Okay I'm home now and I just wanted to once again say genuinely sorry if that post made you feel like shit or anything. I (as a whole) largely internalize and keep a lot of scientific critques on syscourse to ourselves because 1) we don't think anyone is actually stupid or blame anyone for not knowing the details of this stuff cause its not actually taught in schools and most of it you don't really get to know unless you actually get involved in research centers - we are ACTIVELY of the opinion the issue syscourse and the majority of the internet has with understanding the nuances of research is largely at the education system (at least in America) which is something I think I briefly gestured at but did not say 2) we don't want to make anyone feel like shit for something that is more of a social / systemic issue regarding how research is taught and that no one is particularly "bad" because its just so rampant and 3) we are prone to getting burnt out trying to put out information on how things work because of the amount of people who are more interested in arguing than discussing which is a boundary we have to remind ourselves to keep - and so when I read your post and made mine, I was 100% thinking about the backed up internal grumbles about it I've had for years and very very little about your post in specific - which doesn't excuse the vague posting, but I wanted to say it to let you know I ABSOLUTELY do not think bad of you or your blog for that post at all.

Honestly I don't think bad of ANYONE for make the similar error cause its again, a largely systemic issue with how people are taught about science and research. No one can be faulted for not knowing something they were never given access or resources into understanding and from personal experience, a lot of the understanding of how research works is decently hard to get to unless you are engaged in the field to some level yourself so really I'm sorry, I REALLY didn't mean to vague about you or anything. I had a blank moment and forgot what got me thinking and it really really wasn't meant to be targetted. ESPECIALLY the long explanation post, cause honestly at that point I was just excited to be in a good mood and to have the energy to explain my pet peeve of syscourse without it being 95% grumbles.

Now to actually some of the interesting discussion topics (DISCLAIMER AFTER WRITING: I get REALLY rambly so I apologize if its over the place, this is something I am very interested in and I actually have the energy to type about it so XD I have a lot of thoughts and it can be hard to organize it)

if the theory of structural dissociation isn’t actually a scientific theory, then what is it? why is it called a theory if it isn’t one? and is it wrong to compare theories to each other?

No no, it absolutely is a scientific theory that is correct. Psychology is a science and ToSD is a theory - however it's important to take into context what field the theory is of to understand what it means in respects to the field. Generally speaking, the term for theory is used to describe a collection of research and concepts that come together to support an idea that is found to be useful for predicting real world phenomenon. That is the same regardless of field, but its when we talk about the phenomenon that the way they are interpretted / the amount of "grains of salts" you give it change.

Theories in hard sciences are a lot more solid due to the nature of the concept, the replicity and the usually much more black and white nature of the phenomenon measured (time is time, weight is weight, distance is distance; the equation either accurately predicts your ball landing where it says it does or it doesn't and possible room for error is less), proof of replicability (additionally the concepts in more of the hard sciences tend to be very universal - ie given all factors are being calculated for, it doesn't matter if you throw a baseball or a brick, gravity's equations will work regardless), and concrete measures (meters to measure distance, seconds to measure time)

Theories in soft sciences are also held to a higher standard as it is a conglomeration of research, but they are taken and treated a lot more like "popular and predominant hypothesis" than they are solid theories like those in hard sciences. This is due to the fact that with how malleable and innately uncertain psychology is, you can collect a lot of papers and come to different details. This is due to the fact that the phenomenon is often an uncertain and undefined concept (identity is?????? consciousness is????? emotions??? how do we define that????, there is almost always an argument whether or not the science used actually even represents the subject it is trying to study), it is hard to replicate a lot of studies (different populations studied may result drastically different results, different time periods studied may result in drastically different results, often studies take a long time and / or require a lot of resources to run in general let alone repeat *you can read more on the Replicatability Crisis of 2010 in Psychology for more on this*) and lack of concrete measures (how do you measure happiness? do we use self reports? biological reports? what is the correct way to measure it that both accurately represents the measure meant and is objective? its impossible currently to have an objectively best way so most researchers use different methods according to their idea of the best way and it causes issues in comparing data - clinical psych has a jump on it by developing standardized questionnaires and diagnostic methods to systematically measure some traits like the SCID and PCL-5 but even those are under scrutiny of how well they actually depict what they are measuring and again, thus why they are changing)

Because of all THAT when we talk about psychological theories - this applies to ToSD and other theories of memory, cognition, stuff like Freud's Psychodynamic Theory (which we know is not rule of fact but definitely has its merits) that we understand that theory is often more of a hand wave and a brush stroke that is 'close enough' and 'the best we got'. When we talk about psychological theories, there is a much louder inherent 'its probably incomplete and possibly wrong but its what we think currently' than hard science's "we might have some details wrong and it might be an oversimplification but it works for basically everything thus far"

And that is where the problem with comparing it across is a bit of an issue. Hard science theories are "theories" in the sense that while they predict basically everything accurately thus far, there is an asterisk around "may be incomplete or too simplified, but this really works for almost everything tested and if something were to not work on it, it would be a revolutionary discovery and make a lot of professions heads burst" where as soft sciences theories are "theories" in the sense that they are suggestions on how really confusing and difficult concepts to understand and describe objectively work and as a result, it could be widely wrong, but its a solid step in the right direction to getting SOMETHING close to the truth of what is being studied.

I wouldn't say it is "wrong" because yeah, people who just brush it off as a fandom or whatever are in the wrong - it is absolutely backed by science and to discredit it like its a joke is absolutely insulting to the people that spent their life researching and trying to treat it and the information that went into it. Most research tends to agree with it - but personally I actually knew one of the largest name people who researched childhood trauma and memory issues (not going to state her name cause it might dox me some, but those in the know might know; she made it so a lot of people who took their childhood sexual abuse memories to court actually be taken seriously cause she provided sufficient evidence that children DO NOT make that shit up) cause I went to the university she worked at, and when I mentioned the theory of structural dissociation she honestly held back a soft scoff cause the theory itself is based on A LOT of assumptions that are not founded in itself by a lot of neuroscience and neuropsychology and assumes a lot (my commentary not hers: such as the existence of consciousness (which is a really really interesting deep dive)) that to her it was kinda a joke.

That of course is to note that she is in the RESEARCH focused field of developmental psychopathology and not so much the CLINICAL field - so inherently her perspective and view is going to be a lot more critical on how the theory is built up and based on research and less on how well it practically applies. Those in clinical psychology care more about the latter half which is it's applicable usage which is where the ToSD tends to be really really good.

As a "scientific research" ToSD is kind of a joke with how much assumptions it makes within researchers - particularly the more you get into researchers that prefer to take a more "hard science like approach" - but that doesn't diminish that ToSD sets a really good practical application to treatment that even if it is wrong, it is getting the idea good enough that it can help most people well enough.

In my PERSONAL opinion, I think Model of Structural Dissociation would have been a better name - particularly since a lot of clinical research that actually references it describes is a "medical model". I can't quote it cause I honestly don't follow too much into the ToSD cause I am personally more of a research orientated than practice orientated person in terms of psychological phenomenon (and as a result I also kinda scoff at it, but affectionately cause I respect that it is a solid model, just a shitty theory) I honestly think its only called "Theory" of structural dissociation cause thats what it was called on the Haunted Selves Book.

I might not be far enough in my education cause I've never actually taken a dedicated class on modern research on DID or anything, but ToSD isn't actually in most textbooks or anything or really necessarily brought up as a theory really much of anywhere - stuff like skinner and freudian theory are but I don't think anyone in the research field actually takes it as a THEORY.

HONESTLY, now that I'm not rambling about psychology in general, its a really DOGSHIT theory if it claims to be one, but is an excellent model. The thing with models is that they are meant for treatment and navigating / describing how complex systems work and less about being correct.

*was so distracted on explaining differences in understanding research that they never thought about the question itself or to simply just review what current researchers were saying about the concept at hand specifically to see that a large majority literally just call it a model rather than a theory because it HONESTLY is a model*

I'm sorry if this is confusing, I'm literally just infodumping and this is meant to be informative but I'm putting the professionality of infodumping so take this with a bit of a grain of salt as well XD

yikes looks like folks are vagueposting about our tosd post…

we said ourselves in the post that we are not a researcher or professional by any stretch of the word, and never claimed to be! we’re just frustrated with people dismissing the tosd because it’s “just a theory” as if it being a theory makes it easily dismissible.

honestly we wish folks who had issues with our posts would reach out to us about them and let us know where we went wrong… rather than just vagueposting about us ;-; we’re very open to being corrected and want to educate ourselves to the best of our ability! we participate in syscourse so we can have discussions and conversations, not so we can just flaunt our (apparently nonexistent) knowledge!

i guess our question then becomes… if the theory of structural dissociation isn’t actually a scientific theory, then what is it? why is it called a theory if it isn’t one? and is it wrong to compare theories to each other?

like we understand that the tosd is relatively new (with the haunted self published in 2006) and the foundations still need to be built upon. we aren’t saying that the tosd and the theory of evolution are the same thing lol. we just wish that the tosd would be treated as a viable scientific concept rather than a fandom or some nebulous thing with no real-world implications.

here’s our original post if anyone is interested - we’re always learning and growing, and want to do better in the future!

[oryxcrafts]

:o! psychology? how long til you can get your degree?

A long ways away lmao I'm currently unemployed and nearly a full year out of high school (I'm not putting myself into schooling again until I know I won't fall back into depression)

[miekasa]

speaking of college boys, what do the college au aot babies study??

Okay, okay, I think I’ve talked about this in an ask before but I can’t find it 😭😭 but it’s okay, I love college aus, so I’ll talk about it again! Plus, now I’ve got more thoughts for more characters, so here we go

Levi — neuroscience and psychology of human behavior

He started out on track to do a bachelor of arts in psychology, but when they touched on the anatomy and biological parts of it during his first year lecture, he switched to a bachelor of science.

The focus is still psychology, but through a more clinical lens. Essentially, he gets the best of both worlds this way. He’s intuitive and analytical, so clinical and mental diagnosis is easy to dissect for him. He’s also canonically good at math, so the calculus and stats parts aren’t too bad, either.

This major also leaves him with a few options post-grad, which is a nice bonus for him. He’s likely going to medical school, but that’s not the only route open to him: law school, therapy, lab work, medicine and pharmacy, even teaching are all viable options without going to grad school.

Do not talk to him about Freud unless you wanna get punted off a building.

Be careful with him, because with a single glance he’s already got scarily accurate predictions about your parental and emotional attachment styles, your behavior in social settings, and the onset (or seemingly lack thereof) of your frontal lobe development.

He thinks he’s so smart making comments like, “I see those synaptic connections aren’t working so well for you today,” like mf come here let me lobotomize you and see how well your synaptic connects are working after that🙄

Eren — general health sciences

He’s interested in science and the discovery aspects of it, but picking a specific field of focus right now feels too final. He likes it this way, because his schedule and requirements are less restrictive, and he has more room to find out what really interests him.

He does best when he’s doing something he loves, so picking a major with a bunch of reqs that he couldn’t care less about would have sucked big time for him. It also would have affected his grades. There are still some classes he has to take that he’s not fond of (see: chemistry), but that’s to be expected. Science in general is cool to him and he hopes to make his own discovery some day, even if it’s microscopic.

He also plays a lot of sports, keeping his schedule flexible is important. The sports end up helping him excel academically, which is a nice bonus. Honestly, Eren uses his time at university to learn more about himself than anything, so having control and freedom to do what he likes the majority of the time was important to him. 

He uses his elective credits to take philosophy or history courses of his interest, or maybe even a course that you’re in just to spend time with you. He also uses you as a live model for his homework bye, congrats on being patient number one to him.

Armin — astronomy and physics

He’s still interested in marine biology, but unless he attended a school near a coast, or with a specialized integrated program for that, it’s unlikely he’d major in it during undergrad.

Space and ocean exploration aren’t all that different. Both are vast, largely unexplored domains that reel-in Armin’s interest for discovery. So, while studying astronomy, he still gets to study evolution and make his own predictions about what could be out there because there’s so much to know.

Physics comes with the territory of learning about planetary science, and he’s mathematically inclined, so it works out for him. Learning about the different physical properties of other planets and space masses is honestly pretty sick to him. Because math isn’t a struggle, he actually considered aeronautical engineering, but he didn’t want to be a part of the college to military pipeline; that is, he didn’t want any potential design of his to be weaponized. 

He still gets to study animal biology through his elective courses, and might even find a few focused on marine animals to satiate him. Plant and cell biology are also of interest to him, and are just further applications of his primary study anyway, so he’s got plenty of room to work with.

This boy is interning at NASA and still, with his whole chest out is like, “I don’t need to discover a new planet, you’re my whole world.” Armin, go check on the Mars rover or something please.

Mikasa — anthropology + minor in japanese language studies

Anthropology is virtually interdisciplinary in nature, and Mikasa is a pretty well rounded student, so she’s able to excel in a program like this. She gets to study history, science, cultural studies, and even a bit of art all at once.

She’s still debating between going to law school vs med school, so anthro this is a good in-betweener. She gets a taste of science through her anatomy and kin courses; and lots of practice with reading and dissecting texts through the historical and cultural lectures. So, when the time comes to decide, she’ll have some experience with both.

Don’t know whether it’s confirmed that she’s (part) Japanese or not, but either way I headcanon that she speaks/spoke some second language at home. She wanted to delve more into it, and courses were offered at the university so why not?

Cultural studies courses end up being her favorite. She likes learning about the history of people and their cultures, and it encourages her to learn more about her own family history and culture. It also propels her to apply for a study abroad opportunity, so she spends at least one semester doing an exchange program and absolutely loves it.

She would also encourage you to apply and go, too. You guys might not be in the same program, but if there’s an applicable program in the same country she’s going to, then she’d definitely want you to apply. Spending the semester away with you would be a dream come true.

Hange — bioengineering + minor in political philosophy and law

It’s almost self-sabotage to be in an engineering program and have a minor; the coursework for engineering alone is backbreaking, and bioengineering has the added weight of human intricacies, but of course Hange makes it possible. 

They’re nothing short of a genius, so of course they have time to work a completely unrelated minor into their schedule. It doesn’t surprise anyone that they go on to complete an MD-PhD after undergrad. Insane. 

Bioengineering is essentially the synthesis of chemical engineering and health sciences; Hange spends their time exploring biological sciences and applies the engineering aspects of their coursework to their understanding of (and interest in creating) medicine. Truly a one of a kind mind. 

They also have an interest in philosophy and justice, so when they found out they only needed a measly nine or ten courses to minor in, they went for it, of course. In honesty, they don’t find the studies all that opposing: both law making and medicine making both have some kind of philosophy or method to them in their eyes. 

Hange has... little to no free time pls. They don’t mind it, because they love their coursework, but this means you are essentially ducking into their labs or scrambling to find them in-between their classes during your time in undergrad. They appreciate every second spent with you tho, and will gladly rope you into long discussions about their work. 

Jean — biochemistry + minor in art sustainability

He was undeclared his first year, and took a little bit of everything: art, science, history, anthropology, english. Basically, anything that fit into his schedule. It was hard for him to pick one thing—he liked the science and lab applications of STEM courses, but not the math; and the obvious painting and creativity of art, but hated the pretentious air about art history.

What he wants to do is make a difference, which is how he ends up knowing that he wants to go to med school after, so he picks a science-heavy major, but uses his elective spaces to take art courses. When he mixes the two, he ends up on sustainability—and the complexities about it that are applicable to both science and art are what really reels him in.

Interdisciplinary studies end up being his forte. He can approach sustainability from a science perspective which impacts his art style and materials; and tuning into his creative side allows him to think about science not just from a purely clinical perspective, but from a human one, too—patients are people after all.

He believes that everything is connected somehow, even things as seemingly opposite as art and biochemistry. And he works towards finding the unique intersection where everything overlaps. His studies are pretty cool, and he’s very passionate about them, so ask him about it 😌

The art he makes is pretty sick, too, and often commentary about science; he’s proving they’re not so opposite. You also heavily influence his studies in both areas: caring about you so much inspires him to take the healthcare focus seriously, and your very nature is inspiration to his art. 

Sasha — nursing

She’s friendly and good at working with people, so nursing was an easy choice for her. She accredits most of her motivation to being around her younger family members, and learns that she finds a simple kind of joy in helping to take care of others.

She struggles a bit her first year when it’s mostly all grades and standardized testing, but when she starts getting clinical experience and working in the hospital on campus, things round out for her.

Patient care is her strongest point. A lot of people often forget that knowing everything isn’t everything; if you don’t know how to calm or even just talk to your patient, you’re not that great of a healthcare professional.

Pretty certain that she wants to work with kids in the future, but she’s open to public health and even being a travel nurse if she finds opportunity there!

Of course, she’s pretty doting when it comes to you and all her friends. She might want to go into pediatrics, but the basics of nursing and health care extend to everyone, so you’re guaranteed to be well taken care of with Sasha around. You might even have to switch roles and take care of her sometimes, because her coursework can get pretty out of hand.

Connie — computer engineering with a focus on game design

He might not look it, but Connie has a brain under that shaved head of his. Computer engineering is cool to him because he basically learns about how simple things he uses every day (ie: phone, computer, microwave) works.

Systems and coding are actually the easy part for him, especially when they get into the application of it and aren’t just stuck looking at examples. That’s how he gets into game design.

The part about math and electricity and magnetic fields… well let’s just say he needed to make friends with someone who likes math and hardware his first year to get through it. But the struggle was worth it, because by his junior year he’s found a professor willing to mentor/supervise him as he works on his game and other projects, so life is good.

His school work is definitely hard, which is why the lives by the mantra of “work hard, party harder.” It’s only fair. 

He makes you a little avatar so you can test out his games for him <33 best boyfriend things <33 He’d also… build a game about your relationship. Every level is a different date you guys went on, and he definitely includes something cheesy, like “There are unlimited lives because I love you forever babe <3”

Porco — kinesiology + maybe mechanical engineering

He’s pretty into athletics and working out, but didn’t wanna go down the sports psychology route; he wanted something that left him with a few more options, so he ended up in kinesiology.

He was surprisingly pretty good at biology in high school, so something stem-oriented works out in his favor, and it turns out he’s pretty damn good at anatomy, too. He’ll probably end up in physical therapy after graduation.

He’s also got a knack for cars, which is where the engineering comes in, but he doesn’t care so much for the math part of it (he doesn’t care for it at all actually, fuck that); he just wants the hands on experience of building/fixing things and working with his hands. So, if he can get a minor in it and not struggle through 4 years of math, then he’d do that. If not, he’d take a few workshop-like classes.

Because he wants to go into physical therapy, you are essentially his practice patient. Your back hurts? Not a problem, he’s basically a professional masseuse. Muscle aches? He’s got a remedy and understanding of why it’s happening. Don’t let him catch you hunting over your desk grinding away at your homework, because he will poke your neck and correct your posture (he’ll also massage your shoulders, but after the scolding).

Pieck — classics + minor in philosophy

Ancient studies interest her, but more than that, the language of ancient Greek and Roman culture fascinates her, so classics is the way to go.

Because her focus within Classics ends up being Greek and Latin language studies, she is essentially learning both languages at the same time. She gets farther with Latin that she does with Greek. For whatever reason, the former comes almost naturally to her, so her written and translated work is more complex in Latin.

However, she finds cultural studies relation to Greece more interesting than that of Rome, so it’s a give and take with both; better at languages for Roman studies, better at culture and history for Greek studies.

Her minor is a natural evolution from her primary coursework. Ancient Romans and Greeks set the foundation for a lot of modern day philosophy, so it comes up in her major classes, but she wanted to delve further into the philosophy, and not just look at it historically, so she takes more courses to fulfill the minor.

Can be found laying on a blanket in the quad on a hot day, with her books spread out all around her, highlighter in hand as she works through her reading. You’re always invited to sit with her, and more often than not, it ends up with Pieck’s head in your lap, a book in her hands, and your own schoolwork in yours as you both read in each other’s company.

Bertholdt — computer science and coding

He’s level headed, good at planning, and above all, patient, so he’s cut out for this. He doesn’t consider himself to be particularly creative, which is why he doesn’t pick a speciality with lots of design; but he’s good at streamlining and ideas to life.

The patience really comes in when his code doesn’t run. It’s frustrating to scroll for two hours just to find out that the issue is a missing semi-colon in line 273 that he overlooked, but Berty will sit there until he finds it.

He’s also good at fixing issues. That’s not limited to issues in the code itself; it can mean finding shorter ways to produce the same function or loop, or integrating new aspects into existing code.

Also, he’d just be so cute, coding away on his computer. Just imagine: Berty working on his homework in the library, he’s got his signature crewneck + collared shirt look going for him, his blue-light glasses, a cup of coffee nearly as tall as him sitting at the corner of his desk. Adorable.

He’d make little codes/programs for you, too, even if it’s silly. A simple code that helps you decide what to eat for dinner or where to go on a date, one that shuffles different reminders for you, hell he’ll even forgo the torture of design engineering just to build you a little robot that says “I love you” to you.

Reiner — english + minor in justice & political philosophy

Everyone expects Reiner, star quarterback of the university’s rugby team, to be a business student or communications student; but no, he’s an English major, and he loves it.

Just imagine a guy as huge as Reiner absolutely manhandling someone on the field, just to show up in his lectures with a tiny paperback of The Great Gatsby tucked between his fingers with his reading glasses on. It’s so precious.

He’s always running a bit late to class—either coming from the gym, or practice, or oversleeping from exhaustion—but he’s so sweet to his professors and genuinely interested in the literature that they don’t give him a hard time about it. They can tell that balancing school and sports is difficult, and they just appreciate that he takes his studies seriously.

Yeah he’s in a book club and he dog-ears his books. What about it. They’re doing poetry this month and Reiner actually likes Edgar Allen Poe. Who said jocks can’t be sentimental.

He also reads a lot outside of his classes, and has a soft spot for coming of age stories. He usually empathizes with the main character somehow. His ideal weekend plans after a week of grueling games and essays is taking a long, relaxing shower at your place, while you both share a bottle of wine, and maybe even get you to read a chapter or two of his current book out loud to him.

Annie — clinical psychology/neuroscience

Almost scarily analytical and methodic, so this major was calling her name. Localizing brain legions is… insanely intuitive to her it’s incredible. She’ll be an insanely impressive doctor someday, even if she doesn’t end up working with patients directly. 

She doesn’t care too much for the more philosophical/reading heavy parts of psychology. Even experiments and research closer to the social end of the spectrum aren’t all that interesting to her; but the brain science behind it it.

Nobody should be good at cellular biology. Nobody should be able to ace cell bio and neuro and calc and work towards their thesis proposal in the same semester, but Annie proves it’s possible.

Ends up working in one of her professor’s labs by her junior year. She was offered three TA positions working with first year students, but she swiftly turned them down. Teaching isn’t her thing.

She doesn’t bring up her studies to you unprompted, but if you ask her about them she’ll explain it to you. Her notes are color coded and it’s super neat, and very cute; coloring them is somewhat relaxing for her. She usually saves the coloring part for when you guys study together; there’s extra comfort in doing it with you around.

[ballorawan740]

SCP Scenarios: SCP x Younger!Sister!Reader (REQUESTED)

Main Masterlist | SCP Scenarios Masterlist | My Works Masterlist | Rules | Request | Socials | My Original Post

Requested by:@mimiocto

SCP 073 (Cain)

(Yes. I think of Cain and Abel as brothers. Like a lot of others who's in this fandom)

Being the youngest sister of Cain and Abel meant that you has both or at least 1 of the brothers looking over you most of the time. Namely Abel. Cain however, was more lenient towards you and allowed you to have some free time. "CAAAAAAIN!!!" you screamed at the eldest brother. "Yes (Y/N)?" he answered softly. You wanted to ask him about Abel because you wanted to fix the problems they both had when they faced each other. By problem, it was that time when Cain killed Abel. You can't blame Abel for being mad at Cain because of this, but you really wanted to get your only family members together without having any tension. Cain noticed you thinking and questioning, "You ok (Y/N)?". You snapped out of your thoughts and smiled. "I was just wondering if 343 is free right now" you replied in which Cain didn't push any further. You both walked over to 343's cell for a visit. 343 was the other SCP you've ever been close to other than the brothers and 105. 343 sat in his room and read a book until he saw the both of you standing by his door. He greeted you and you guys had a nice chat. 343 always treated you and your brothers as a family so you were always comfortable around him. You are a safe class SCP with the number tag of 073-2.

SCP 076-2 (Abel)

(It's pretty much like Cain's as I just associate them both as brothers)

After your visit with the eldest brother, Cain, you went to see Abel. He was the most protective dickhead you've ever met, but he would give up anything to save you. "Hey (Y/N)!!!" your brother spoke. "Whaaaaaaaaaaat?!" you sighed heavily. "Tell the mechanical man to piss off". You wanted to slap some sense into Abel but didn't as you just sat in his box quietly and felt the need to cry. Abel came over to you and wrapped his arm around your shoulders. You cried and slept in his box for a good few hours until the guards came to retrieve you. You both said your goodbyes and went back to your cells. You are also known as SCP 073-2, safe class.

SCP 999 (Tickle Monster)

Not unlike your older brother, you made everyone's day by being kind and gentle. You can heal their wounds and they'd give you treats in return. You and 999 hanged out every day and played for hours on ends. The guards who escorted you there were watching and giggling at your antics. Why do you need guards you ask? It's because one time an idiot decided to take advantage of you in which 999 requested guards to escort you at all times. The guards treat you kindly like a daughter/sister so you always held respect for them. After every test rounds, you were requested to help the SCPs while your elder brother helped with the test subjects. After that, you both were free to roam. Sometimes, you'd bump into 131 and they'd stay with you for a bit if the guards weren't there to stay with you. Your number is SCP 999-2, safe class

SCP 682 (Hard to destroy reptile)

Without any researchers mentioning you and that giant angry lizard, nobody would've guessed that you guys were blood related let alone siblings. Unlike 682, you weren't as hateful as him as you had a small bit of hope left for humanity, however, you can be fierce and cold when need be. Everyone including 682 has acknowledged this and sometimes you were helping the MTF to search and contain SCPs. Not only are you intelligent, you also had the strength which rivalled both 682 and 076-2 as seen when you both had a duel during a containment breach. 682 was a protective older brother when you both were young and still hold a good relationship till this day, with the exception of a few instances when you'd both have a fight and the poor innocent bystanders had to intervene the both of you. Its not like either of you would get hurt. You weren't afraid of most SCPs, unlike a certain wimp who was terrified of a rabbit, although you both shared the same interest towards a little girl in the facility. During containment breaches, you were often called in to fish out your big brother to avoid any further damages and kills. The SCP designation given to you is SCP 682-2, Euclid class.

SCP 049 (Plague Doctor)

Growing up with the plague doctor was rather unique. He taught you everything and anything you wanted. Especially the plague and how to perform surgery on humans. You travelled with him for centuries and had witnessed just as much as he did. After being "captured" by the foundation, the personelles often see you both side by side and rarely separated. Except for those interviews and tests. You wore a cape and a mask not too dissimilar to his, however, it only covered the first half of your face. Your style of clothing were of the Victorian era which you picked up on your travels and had some form of interest in those types of clothing. Like your brother, you spoke with manner and eloquence and wore cloves with pointed nails and also carried a bag with tools in which were the same make as those found in 049's bag. You have the designation of SCP 049-A, Euclid class.

Dr. Glass

Everyone at the facility shipped the both of you without realising that Dr. Glass was your older brother. "Hey (Y/N). Did anyone tell you that you and Simon would make a cute couple?" a researcher asked. You looked at him with disgust as Simon appeared out of nowhere and heard the conversation. The both of you said that you're both siblings without missing a beat and the researcher looked embarrassed and apologised. This news has spread like wildfire to both of your dismay and everyone said that they now see the resemblance. You both had similar personalities, however, the only difference is that although you did study psychology, you were specialised in neuroscience and forensic science.

Dr. Bright It's pretty much obvious that you both were siblings. Similar appearance, humour, intelligence, you name it. Boy only that, you had a bracelet with the same red gem as Jack's necklace. Much like the previous one I’ve mentioned (Dr. Glass) you did study the same subjects as your brother, and yes, you are specialised in a subject in the scientific field, namely biochemistry and mathematics. Not only that, but you’re also the head of the department and is in the O5 Council. Jack Bright was like every other older brother, annoying, protective and funny. As you both grow older, he became even more protective of you as you were one of the only family member left and he doesn’t want you to be in harm's way. He had witnessed too much for him to lose you so he would always accompany you if you were on a mission

(Sources - Pics: SCP 073 | SCP 076-2 | SCP 999 | SCP 682 | SCP 049 | Dr Glass | Dr Bright)

[berrizzesworld]

Reflection on positive psychology

Have you ever heard about positive psychology? If not, don't blame yourself. I didn't know anything about it until recently either. The definition of the term sounds like this:

“Positive psychology is the scientific study of what makes life most worth living” (Peterson, 2008).

In fact, positive psychology is a field of general psychology that spends much of its time thinking about topics like character strengths, optimism, life satisfaction, happiness, well-being, gratitude, compassion (as well as self-compassion), self-esteem and self-confidence, hope, and elevation.

Personally, I was lucky enough to learn about this science from watching a Ted-Talk by Martin Seligman, who is the founder of positive psychology. In the video he talks about how science has changed over the last few decades and about his research, experiments and results. On the importance of studying exactly "Positive Psychology". (I am attaching a link to this speech below for those who are interested in the topic and want to watch the full video, not just read scraps of my thoughts, philosophies and reflections)

First of all, what I found interesting about this video is that Mr Seligman talks about how people's attitudes to this science have changed over the last few decades: if 20 years ago, while sitting in an airplane, Martin was telling people about what he does - they would move away from him and stop talking. Now, on the contrary, people are becoming interested in the scientist's line of work.

So what has changed? It seems to me that it's all about people's attitude towards psychology itself, as a science of 'what is wrong with us'. Whereas in the past people were repulsed by the issue and did not want to think about their problems and shortcomings, now they are interested in understanding their problems and eliminating them in order to improve their lives. I consider this to be due to the widening of boundaries in the modern world: now everyone is free to express themselves and their opinions, to share their own problems, and without fear of being judged. People have become more open, which means that their shortcomings are not something to be ashamed of. People are now ready to sort themselves out and therefore psychology is very relevant at this stage.

Secondly, the main theme of Martin's speech was still positive psychology, which, as I said earlier, argues that one should not only pay attention to illnesses and the darker sides of personalities, but also to the beneficial ones. People need to learn to think positively, to reason and to celebrate not only the negative events in their lives, but also the very happy moments. And try to make sure that the latter are the majority

I certainly agree that this is the right way to set your mindset, but it actually sounds a lot easier in theory than in practice. And sometimes the system stops working altogether… I will tell you an example of my own.

Brief background: My name is Anna, I am from Ukraine and almost 10 months ago a war broke out in my country. On that day, February 24th, I had to leave everything I had ever treasured or loved and start life anew, as pathetic as it sounds. Since then, regular memories of taking my dog for a walk in the park near my home, or ice-skating with a friend in my town's New Year's Eve square, have never left me. On one hand, these memories are some of the happiest moments of my life, and I agree with the theory that they should only make me feel better. But in reality, they don't. The slightest mention of my past life before the war ruins the whole of my 'new life' that I am trying so hard to build. I realise that I will never be able to relive those days and moments again, I will never be the same and nothing will ever be the same again. Each time it causes me more and more pain.

I don't want to make you feel sympathy for me or make you worry. I just want to tell you about an insight I got after watching the lecture: I guess positive psychology should rather teach people not just to think positively, but to learn to let go of the bad and the past, the things that cannot be changed or returned. Only then will living and breathing become easier.

Take care of your mental health and smile more often, because it has been scientifically proven that the production of endorphins in our bodies increases happiness!

[theringers]

V-card anon: hi sorry about that first ask i kinda went into a fugue state (spelling?) altered state of reality maybe when i wrote that and damn near outlined a fic in your inbox

The way we played hot seat was either part of a larger drinking game when a certain card was pulled from a deck, or just on it's own. You sit in a circle, everyone has a drink, usually a beer or cider. In the card pull version, the one who pulls the card gets asked a question by every person playing and if they refuse to answer they drink from their drink. In the standalone, you do that but everyone gets a turn being asked until people get bored and leave. Fun way to find out shit about people. Usually the unwritten rule is that you can't lie. I imagine everyone sitting on shitty chouches and chairs in a semi circle around a table full of cups and bottles playing it

Questions i have been asked: are you a top or bottom? Do you like anal? Wheres the weirdest place you've fucked? Body count? Favorite position (sexual)? Fuck marry kill/ignore people in this room (EVERY TIME I PLAYED I GOT THIS QUESTION)? Tits or ass or other? Favorite non sexual body part ex. Thigh? Ideal fuck buddy? Sex regrets? Etc

Also more weird details i have head cannoned out for some drivers and most likely does not fit with irl personalities, do with this what you will, use it or don't i just have feelings. Also everyone is like compressed in age to like 20-27ish except for some of the grid who i will just think of as younger alumns who come back:

Danny R: social chair, owns a jeep he takes the doors off of in the summer, walks girls home at night to make sure they're ok, tries to DJ house events and is rebuffed by literally everyone, has like 30 pairs of vans you trip over in his room, stolen roadsigns everywhere, masters in something arigcultural or physiological, cutoff frat shirts for days, fuckboy but nice, a bit cringe, will drive around with you at night so you can scream, met reader bc she had a band tee on and wanted to talk to her about it (no gatekeeping)

Charles: some kind of engineering or math degree but no one has any idea how the fuck he's gotten so far, 4.0 never studies, games with other house members, will show up at events randomly you will have no idea how he gets on your couch but he is there, the best and worst taste in clothes, is the only one allowed to play the piano in the house, sweet, cannot help you with studies but is always down for helping you out after, has to be reminded to clean stuff, disaster bi, reader met his gf first and they probably met through that

Pierre: good fashion and music taste, shirt is gone halfway through the night, also fuckboy but wholesome, actually studies, plays a sport for sure probably soccer in some way either club or Division he's too good for rec, will hold your hair back so you can throw up, will tell you your outfit sucks, good at math, also part of the squad that games, econ major, workout buddies with reader anday have taken a math class together

Max: is part of the hockey team he will go pro, also actually studies, got into gaming because of Charles, has the nicest car, is serious until he gets a couple drinks in him, he and Daniel are close and roomed together at some point, owns like 30 sets of the same outfit a white tee and jeans, knows reader through Dan and they get dragged by him to some of the same stuff

Lando: is a pledge or new member his big is Carlos, undeclared major, just happy to be here, gaming squad, used to play lacrosse or something equally obscure, king of knowing where the good snacks are, weirdly good at beer pong, growing into a fuckboy wholesomeness level tbd, probably sweet with reader as she helped him through a blackout or something, met her because she's basically house mom for some of the new boys (the kind of mom who will teach you to do laundry or iron ONCE)

Carlos: hockey flow but does not play hockey, actually studies and is smarter than what people give him credit for, came from a private high school and uni really opened his horizons, also good study buddy, gets along with most people, goes to office hours the most out of the actually studies gang, fun at parties, owns the frat dogs, he and reader met at Office hours (they were the only students) and found they had mutual friends too

Lewis: is/was president of frat, great grades greater bod, did full evolution from fuckboy to good man, has the back tests and the moral support, up for late noght talks about life, definitely was a D1 athlete, best fashion game, implemented no hazing policy, fits into notable alum or PhD category

Mick: undergrad like Lando, also plays soccer or something, too sweet, also walks girls home/holds your hair back etc, cleans parts of the house that aren't his responsibility, higher alcohol tolerance than you expect, everyone is bizarrely protective of him, legacy member (his dad was a legend), drives a motorbike around campus and can't decide between law and psychology, actually studies, met reader through the frat and she would die for him, brings her to class on the bike sometimes because the bike is faster

George: business major, frat treasurer, three ring binder business casual in class kind of guy, nice enough, shirt comes off when drunk, runs marathons and a podcast about investments, best notes in the game and great study partner, actually studies, is drinking monster at 6AM but not because he stayed up late, he and reader met through the frat and sometimes drink wine and bitch together

Lance: hockey player, legacy member, studies sometimes, sarcasm on point, great at stack cup, very chill, knows every good nap spot on campus, also has high alcohol tolerance, is the kind of person who does well in the cold but does not like it, wears headphones so people don't talk to him, great one on one but not in crowds, business major and minor in computer science, probably also met thru Lance's gf but vibe as more introverted people and will cover for each other if one does not want to go out

Nicky: a good boy, part of the walks people home squad, sets up designated drivers for parties, good snack game, future in medical field, good listener, pretty good study buddy, midnight snack enabler, met reader through frat and his gf he and reader are on babysitting duty together sometimes when others get too drunk/high

Yuki: also a pledge or new, majoring in games or computer science as they gave me the same energy as him, games squad, bit of a mad lad, has several stolen street signs, good, met reader through frat and Yuki is the only one patient enough to explain some games to reader, they cuss people out on mic

Esteban: good man, has a full ride scholarship, actually studies, also good study buddy, Dan's little, plays soccer but maybe on a rec team because he prioritizes school, very sweet guy as well, probably chose a really practical major/dual major, met reader through Dan and are also dragged similar places by him

Antonio: manbun, philosophy or classics major possibly business dual, generally good natured but can be seen supplying his own wine at parties, used to be really into metal but kept the hair, does not know that people find him attractive, soccer boi, met reader through frat and she's the only one who will (pretend) to listen to him rant about philosophy

Alex Albon: another full scholarship guy, somehow gets along with everyone, switched majors due to an asshole professor, electrical engineering or computer engineering, actually studies, helps with frat pets,will show you pictures of his cats at home, sweetie, another contender for will hold your hair or walk you home, probably met reader through a class or club and found they had mutual friends and that reader is friends with his gf

Notable alums:

Checo - dad, successful in finance somehow (he looks like an really successful accountant of CFO to me idk why)

Kimi - dad but people forget he is, holds the record for most drinks in 24 hours that will never be come close to by anyone else, shows up on random alum weekends with 2 kegs, legally cannot tell you what he does or he would actually have to murder you

Valterri - was good at a sport when he was there, now a very effective lead engineer at an architectural firm

Seb - environmental or mechanical engineering, all around good guy with someone the best grades in frat history

Alonso - legendary for sexual exploits (consensual)

Anyone I put as actually studies is probably the type reader would hang around for more serious stuff/schoolwork and would probably be closer to, with the exception of Dan bc I feel like he'd be like we're friends now :)) we shall hang or Charles bc he will just show up. I also imagine she has a pretty good friendship with any existing gf, however if a driver does have a gf and he is the love interest sorry bb girl u gotta go for the purposes of this fic

Sorry this is so long hahaaaaaaa glad you liked my Charles thoughts ilu

i honestly wasn’t going to share this like the rest of the anon asks i’ve gotten that i keep close to my heart but this was just too good to keep to myself.

LOOK! AT! THIS!

f1 drivers as frat bros/college students headcannon

i’m writing a series - each “chapter” will be a smut with a different frat bro and i’m hoping to post a sneak peek this week some time but here’s something to hold you over and give you some ideas

to my vcard anon - i appreciate this so much. my inbox is always open for ur thoughts bc they are SO GOOD !! can’t wait for you to read the first part of the series bby

PS if some of this doesn’t make sense to u feel free to send in asks (i know a lot of this is focused on american college culture so if u don’t get it i’m happy to explain)