#either the abortions are a medical procedure you get to decide with your doctor

[anamericangirl]

Hey tthere, another question on the topic of abortion.

What is your opinion on abortion if it is a lifesaving procedure?

There are cases like that, where there were complications, and it is a decision between saving one of them, this can be due to hemorrhaging or other problems.

In those cases, the baby is still alive, but leaving it in there could mean the death of the mother and the child.

What is your opinion in cases like those?

I hope you don't find this question offensive or feel insulted in any way, that is not my goal. I just want to understand your point of view better.

I don't feel insulted at all. I don't mind answering questions :)

First, I want to make it clear that I think the woman should always be treated as necessary. When the life of the mother is threatened, you have to save the mother. If the mother doesn't live the baby won't either. So whatever has to be done to save the life of the mother has to be done because you have to save the mother to save the baby.

I know there's a popular narrative out there that claims abortion can be a life saving procedure and there are cases where women will die if they can't get one. And there are definitely complications that can arise during pregnancy that would threaten the mother's life but these issues do not require abortion to be performed. It's not the proper treatment for most things that go wrong during pregnancy and would not save the mother's life. It's not a life saving procedure.

I can't think of any pregnancy complications where you have to decide between saving the baby or saving the mother. In regards to those complications, like I mentioned earlier, if you don't save the mother the baby will die too. There's not a complication where you have to pick which live to save. The goal should always be to save them both. Sometimes that's not possible and the baby will tragically die as there are instances where the baby's life cannot be saved but there isn't an instance where we have to pick between saving the mother or the baby. We should always try to save the mother because her survival is necessary for the baby's survival.

Hemorrhaging is not really a life threatening complication (it can get to that point depending on how much blood you lose and how long it lasts) but usually it goes away on its own and the woman will still give birth to a healthy baby. However, if it's a more serious case of hemorrhaging that can be because the woman has had a miscarriage, meaning the baby is already dead. It can be a sign of other complications as well so she should really be monitored by her doctor or admitted to the hospital depending on how bad it is. It really depends on what the cause of the hemorrhaging is. But abortion is not the solution to this. If a woman is having a severe hemorrhage the treatment is not to go in and kill the baby - that would not solve the problem. Abortion can actually cause even more hemorrhaging.

When a woman's life is threatened by some complication during pregnancy, abortion is not the correct treatment and would not save her life. Sometimes the baby has to be removed but the baby does not have to be killed. If there is a complication threatening the woman's life doctors typically will try to induce labor or perform a C-section to deliver the baby early alive. With the way abortions are performed and the sorts of complications that can occur that would threaten the mother's life, they would never be the proper treatment.

Performing an abortion on a woman experiencing a medical emergency could actually make the situation worse.

[thepolyamorouspolymath]

Alright, Allen time to exppse my heartbreaking fucking pain to the world again, because you're a selfish ass...

Abortion bans are INEVITABLY badly written. See, you can't put motives in then or good exceptions because they're impossible to enforce (mother's health? OK, mother just needs a diagnosis of severe depression from a sympathetic doctor and not being able to medicate becomes a health issue. Rape? Is that accusation, bc then we have women saying it to get the abortion. Or conviction which takes too long and 97% of verifiably guilty rapists go free. You get the fucking problem with a goddamn ban that has any empathy?)

So instead you ban the procedures. Because you can't ban intent, so you ban the procedure.

Now let's take a look at October of 2008. My husband -- was married and faithful on both sides and had decided we could afford another child after responsibly considering it -- and I get pregnant in a flash with baby number 3. We are ecstatic. My two kids, 4 and 2, are ecstatic.

They also give me a stomach flu at 8 weeks that's dehydrating, but I seem to come through it fine. Carried my first two no problems, and still have all the symptoms and blood work shows my hormones count still growing.

We reach 12 weeks. Heartbeat time! I take both kids with me bc they're so excited to have another sibling.

Except... there's no heartbeat.

Well, I'm barely at 12 weeks, it can be off by a bit, nothing to worry about yet, we'll try in two weeks.

Until a week later when I have the tiniest bit of spotting, which never happened with my first two. Doctor says it's likely fine, but I can get an ultrasound if I want

I definitely want.

I go, and the tech asks how far along I am, I say 12 weeks and even she can't help from going "that's not a 12 week fetus!"

I wait for answers. They come back and tell me I'm not pregnant at all -- I have a molar pregnancy, a benign tumor caused by improper fertilization that mimics pregnancy, and I need to head to the hospital to consult.

I'm told that it is imperative we get evert single cell, bc they multiple like fetal cells (rapidly and unchecked) and can move all over the body, most often lungs, but can even go to the brain, and they can become malignant.

I have two children at home that I'm a stay at home mom to think of and this is most definitely not going to result in a baby under any circumstances.

I get my lungs X Rayed to be sure the migration hasn't started, and am scheduled for a D&C -- the more difficult and likely to be banned procedure. I do it

I spend every day consoling a two year old who cries every morning bc we aren't having a baby. I'm deeply depressed because I have all the baby bonding hormones and no baby. My husband and my marriage gets rocky.

I get a call. No, it wasn't a molar pregnancy. It was a missed miscarriage. The fetus had died in utero at 8 weeks and my body was trying to hold onto the idea it was getting a baby. I was livid -- until it was explained that I'd still have needed the D&C (a banned procedure) because it was necrotic tissue in my body -- think gangrene in your organ. There was no hope of saving the baby as it was 4 weeks gone before we even knew.

At no point, in either case would a baby have been saved. In either case the same procedure that is being banned was required to save my life, ensuring my two children continued to have the mother who had spent every minute with them since birth. In no way was this an easy thing, because despite there being no other outcomes not only did my body think so, my young children did.

These are just two times an abortion procedure is necessary to preserve the mother's life, not at the cost of the baby but when there will never be a baby, not even in a miracle.

So tell me Allen, how was I, a 26 year old women of prime childbearing age, with a husband who had a steady job and income to support us along with a third child, who made the decision consciously and with full information that had every reason of predicting a good outcome, being irresponsible by saving the life of my two existing children's mother, and preserving said life to create two more children later, at the expense of nothing but dead cells slowly poisoning me that would never have made a baby, being irresponsible?

What makes it murder? The cells were dead. That's better than when you take an antibiotic and kill living bacteria for your own comfort.

And if you think it made my life easier... let's give you pregnancy and birth hormones (birth bonding hormones are released as the uterus shrinks post abortion the same as post birth) and you can handle that while taking care of two children with a husband grieving himself and waking up to your two year, your very heart, crawling in beside you and putting their hand on your belly, crying at the loss as well.

Fuck you, Allen.

[marvelstars]

I'm so sorry about your grandmother. That is very hard. ❤️

And your answer is what I expected-I just wanted to make sure we were on the same page before I asked this next question. And again, it's an honest question. I want to learn from people with both perspectives to better decide my own.

After my miscarriage, let's say someone accuses me of aborting the baby (which I factually did not do). Maybe the evidence is extremely compelling. In the United States, maybe there's evidence of me taking a two-week vacation to a state that happens to allow abortion. Maybe, during this trip, I also went to a doctor for my unexpected miscarriage symptoms. Let's say that, while I didn't know this at the time that I saw this doctor, it turns out that this doctor coincidentally has been known to give secret abortions that he doesn't add to the medical record. Let's say that, despite the fact that I'm innocent in this situation, the jury has enough evidence to convict me, and I'm sent to prison for murdering my child.

I know that this story might seem ridiculous and unlikely to happen, but, at least in the United States, innocent people are convicted of crimes all the time. I'm not an expert on law, but I feel that it's likely that things like this will happen and maybe hage already happened in the U.S.

So I'm wondering... how do you and pro-lifers account for this risk? What is being done to protect me from this happening?

This sounds like the system needs to addess those particular cases, just like it does with many other ambigous situations.

Usually when a woman has a miscarriage there´s a whole clinic history showing the woman went to her doctors tests to see if her baby was healthy, there´s a following of the case usually and plenty of evidence by either family, friends, doctors and nurses that the woman in question suffered a miscarriage and lost her baby.

When a woman loses a baby because they went to an abortion clinic or to a doctor who practices abortion there´s less evidence of her genuinely wanting to keep her baby, people usually don´t go to an abortion clinic to seek treatment for their pregnancy.

I am not from the United States, I am from Mexico, laws are different there and I understand how the interpretation of law can be problematic, especially on issues like this one.

For me, this is a case similar to being accused of murdering or stealing because I am close or know someone who is a known murderer of thief , I can have a trial to eiter prove or disprove my personal responsibility in relation to that person or I can even show evidence of me not being related to anything about that before my trial but this doesn´t mean murder or stealing should be legalized just in case some people are wrongly accused because the system isn´t perfect.

I have another reason why I disagree on legalizing abortion, in my country the people in jail for abortion are the people personally responsible of practicing it as a doctor or nurse or people who kidnap and use women to do sex services for them and force them to have an abortion everytime they get pregnant. When Mexico city allowed a partial legalization on abortion they actually gave those people an out of jail free card and before each abortion, those new clinics made the woman sign a paper in which they don´t make themselves responsible if she dies during the procedure.

I also advise you to stop trying to make me change my mind, you won´t be able to and I probably won´t change your mind either, abortion is murder, plain and simple and we can talk all the scenarios you can think about but that´s a fact, not a personal belief and I don´t support it.

[sweaterkittensahoy]

Nope, I was wrong. Second Roe V. Wade post:

When I say I'm pro-choice, I mean "You get decide what happens to your body" and I ALSO mean "more people should have abortions."

This is not a eugenics standpoint. This is a standpoint based on where I grew up and the culture surrounding the ideas of sex and pregnancy.

Because here's how it works where I'm from: If you are the pregnant person, you are a fucking whore for ever fucking out of wedlock, and you must be punished for doing that, and that punishment is the potential human you're carrying.

Here's how it works where I'm from: If you're the inseminator of the pregnant person, you can literally just walk away and never have to take any responsibility, and maybe people will talk some shit behind your back, but you won't be slut-shamed or shunned. And the moment you decide to show up and parent any one of your kids, people will make excuses for you that you were "too immature" to be a parent before, so now there's a chance you'll show up for that one kid you never had to take responsibility for because you came in someone else, and they didn't come in you.

Here's how it works where I grew up: How dare you be poor. How dare you be poor and have children. How dare you be poor and have another child even though if you even briefly hesitate in your excitement to bring another child into a situation where you know you're struggling, you're a fucking monster who shouldn't have had so many goddamn children if you couldn't take care of them.

Here's how it works where I grew up: We can't give kids to queers who want them. It's better to put children into the utterly provable fucked up system of foster care than to let queers adopt unwanted children. Sure, no straights want them, but that doesn't mean queers happy to love children should ever get to have them. That'd be against god's plan of punishing us all for original sin.

Here's how it works where I grew up: No one WANTS those damn foster kids, but it's CHRISTIAN CHARITY to make room in your home for those imperfect children, and if they ever do anything that can be easily understood by respecting the fact they're traumatized, it will be ignored because how DARE YOU violate THE RULES OF THIS HOUSE.

Here's how it works where I'm from: My mother told me over and over and over again that she was pro-choice. But also, if I'm old enough to get pregnant, I'm old enough to be a parent. She first started telling me this before I had my first period.

Here's how it works where I'm from: I never fucked anyone in high school. I never dated. The rumors about me--the rumors built to shame me and make me hate myself--were about how I must be a lesbian (because I never dated anyone) but also how I'd had an abortion because I was loudly pro-choice.

When I say more people need abortions, I mean it as a NEED. So many fucking people are forced into having children they don't want for any number of reasons. Some of those reasons are as easy as "The condom broke." Some are as complicated as "I'm forced into believing I have to force myself into being a parent because I've been raised on the message that I'm a worse person for having an abortion than I am someone who is negligent or hateful of my own child because I never wanted a child."

Anti-abortion rhetoric is all about how you must be a monster to ever not want a child. How all life is sacred, even if the pregnancy is a result of a violence and abuse. Fuck literally all of that. You know who needs an abortion? Every single fucking person who wants one.

You know who deserves an abortion? Every single fucking person who wants one.

It's about basic medical rights and bodily autonomy. First, last, and in between. It's about basic privacy rights. First, last, and in between.

[theivorybilledwoodpecker]

Leilah Zahedi-Spung, a high-risk obstetrician in Chattanooga, Tenn., recently saw a pregnant patient with rising blood pressure who the doctor believed could be facing a serious health emergency. The patient was in her second trimester of pregnancy and her unborn baby had been diagnosed with genetic abnormalities that meant the child wasn’t expected to survive. Dr. Zahedi-Spung feared the mother was at risk of a severe form of preeclampsia that can cause seizures and ultimately death. The doctor said she thought the patient needed an abortion, but Tennessee has a total ban on the procedure. The state law, in effect since late August, allows doctors to argue the procedure was necessary to save the life of the patient, but Dr. Zahedi-Spung said she wasn’t confident the woman’s condition was dire enough to meet that standard and feared that being charged with a crime could upend her life for years, even if she eventually was vindicated. She decided to send the woman on a roughly six-hour ambulance ride to end her pregnancy in North Carolina, where she arrived with dangerously high blood pressure and signs of kidney failure, the doctor said. “She kept asking if she was going to die,” Dr. Zahedi-Spung said. “I kept saying, ‘I’m trying, I’m trying, we’re going to make it happen. We just need to get you to the right place where you can be taken care of.’” When she saw the patient a couple of weeks later, alive, the doctor said she felt a wave of relief.

For all forced birthers, may you have pregnancy complications, and may you be trapped in Tennessee.

The only defenses I've seen about no-exception bans are either that people should just die instead of having a life-saving abortion or that prosecuters won't actually prosecute. If you subscribe to the first, you're a Hitler wannabe. If the latter....what the fuck are you on!?!

No one would buy that for any law. "We don't want to prosecute doctors! We just made it illegal for them to save pregnant people's lives, but we won't actually uphold that law."

Bullshit. So may each and every one of you be trapped in Tennessee, pregnant with complications.

You can clutch your pearls and whisper about how horrible it is I wish this on you, but you forced it on everyone in Tennessee. Women, transmen, intersex, agender, etc. Even children! So why do you believe you have the right not to have it happen to you?

[gotinterest]

The thing is even if you are pro-life because you ardently believe that fetuses are full people who deserve the same rights as actually birthed children EVEN THEN an abortion ban should not be your goal. Any research into the actual effects of an abortion ban would tell you that there are far too many negative side-effects for a ban to be in any way ethical.

People who discover in the third term that their pregnancy is unviable having to go through the (potentially fatal, because childbirth has a lot of risks) trauma of birthing their child who is either already dead or will die in agony within a few hours, people taking medications for unrelated reasons getting them denied because they could potentially induce miscarriage, People who have ectopic pregnancies which are life threatening and cannot result in a living child dying, people being forced to cease life-saving cancer care because they found out they were pregnant (even if there is a chance that cancer could kill them before childbirth)- these are all the unintended victims of any kind of abortion ban.

And the fact is, even if you carve out exceptions for these people, a ban still makes accessing abortion care for these people difficult as there are going to be less providers who can perform them and less training available. Furthermore, private practices, pharmacies, and hospitals alike are litigation averse. Even if it would technically be legal to perform an abortion procedure, or prescribe a certain drug, they may not want to take the risk.

Because by banning that procedure with the exception of certain medical procedures you are taking the decision of whether or not something is a medical necessity out of the hands of a medical professional and into the hands of the courts. A doctor may say “well this this and this means this child will fail to live outside the womb and therefore an abortion is legally permissible” but the jury- with no medical training- will be the ones to decide whether or not they agree with that assessment. Why would any medical institution take that risk?

There are many other ways to prevent abortions: better sex ed, better access to contraception, better education about identifying and preventing sexual abuse, better resources for families and expectant parents, more money for child-rearing. These are all more ethical and more beneficial for children in the long run. If you still want to go for a ban over these methods then you need to fess up that your issue with abortion actually has very little to do with a strong belief in the sanctity of life and a lot to do with punishing people for having sex in ways and for reasons you personally don’t agree with.

[prettyvintageafternoon]

I'm going to make my last points since you're no longer interested in speaking.

1) Murder has a legal definition for a reason. It involves malicious intent. Someone getting an abortion because they don't wish to be pregnant doesn't meet that legal standard, and that doesn't make them a baby-killer.

2) A core tenant of liberalism is also self-determination and the right to make your own choices, including reproductive ones. People cannot make their own choices if there is a legal framework that punishes either them or their doctor for the results of certain reproductive decisions that they make.

3) If abortion is murder, then logically - OBGYNs shouldn't learn how to provide abortion procedures. Either abortion is murder and should be banned or OBGYNs have to have justification - including risking the life of their patient, in order to have legal grounds to provide such a procedure. It makes no sense to argue that a certain medical procedure is murder and then say that medical professionals should be allowed to learn how to murder. Those two things cannot coexist.

4) Nobody is ever going to want to have children - and yes, that is important, if people who are anti-abortion supersede their beliefs over their decisions in their medical situations. Cesarean sections are not pleasant. They're very painful procedures. If the precedent is set that women with difficult pregnancies have to undergo c-sections instead of abortion - not because they decided that, but because someone else did, there will undoubtedly be a drop in birthrates.

5) Being born isn't a human right. Sorry. I don't make the rules. A majority of people who are here have been born because someone else - their biological parent, wanted to give birth to them. Like it or not, the desires of a pregnant person very much do matter. It's not a human right to use someone's body to grow for 9 months if they don't want you to do that. That's not explicitly or implicitly stated in the US Constitution or in any legal document that Americans abide by.

6) Don't euphemize the anti-abortion position by arguing that it's rooted in preserving human life. If it was, there would not be multiple people who have been forced to carry pregnancies to term, people forced to go to different states for abortion procedures that they need, people who have lost access to medical professionals who have left abortion-prohibitive states, people who have lost access to medicine deemed "abortifacients" or people who have died because of a lack of abortion access. The anti-abortion position is rooted in making others risk their lives by forcing them to carry pregnancies to term. That is objectively true, unfortunately.

7) Pregnancy is not health-neutral. Any reproductive situation can go south at any moment. Arguing that you support prohibiting abortion and only allowing it in certain cases in which patients are already dying literally puts living, breathing people at risk - and there are multiple cases of this happening already. This is not how doctors treat any condition. Medical professionals do their best to address problems before they worsen. They don't wait until a patient is at risk before they try to save their life - or at least they didn't before being subject to anti-abortion regulations.

You clearly don't believe that pregnancy is that serious and that pregnant individuals are just vessels for fetuses, which seem to be objectively more important to you.

So, I have said my piece and I'll leave you alone.

Hi. Noticed you reblogged my Frankenstein post with a pro-life tag.

Btw the creature also kills several people in the novel, one of which is a child. Also I love abortion and I think it should happen more often xx

Take my post off your blog, cunt.

Hi, when I reblogged your post and tagged it, I wasn't claiming that you or even Mary Shelley was pro-life -- only that that quote matches a pro-life worldview.

Pro-abortion people often claim that if a disabled or sick or impoverished child is born, they will have a life of suffering, so they should just be aborted anyway. As a disabled person myself, I disagree STRONGLY with that and find that quote a great response. Pro-life, to me, isn't just about being anti-abortion, but about supporting disability rights, elders' rights, anti-racism, anti-unjust war, helping the poor, etc. It's about uplifting any human bodies (yes, including unborn bodies, but not only them) that are subject to dehumanization and degradation.

The idea that suffering does not negate the value of life -- that's a pro-life idea.

[crumboftherapy]

18

I met my first boyfriend in college. We were both 17 and virgins. Our relationship wasn’t perfect, and we were both very immature. We did love each other, but after a year, he ended up cheating on me with a mutual friend and leaving me for her.

A couple weeks later, I found out I was pregnant with his child.

I didn’t want to believe it but it wasn’t such a big surprise. I knew how it happened. We never used any kind of birth control–not even the calendar or the pull out method. If anything was a surprise, it was only how it took a year before that happened. It’s not that we were trying to have a baby. We were just young idiots with an unfounded sense of invincibility.

Looking back now, there were a lot of factors that led to it. That mindset.

Having studied in a conservative all-girls Catholic school my whole life before college, I virtually had no sex education, aside from that one biology lesson where they awkwardly and very quickly mention the reproductive system. So I technically knew how pregnancies happened, but I didn’t really understand what it would mean to me personally if I actually got pregnant.

No one had given me “the talk” either at that point in my life. I knew we were supposed to use condoms, but the adults in my life and the kind of media I was exposed to at the time made me think that guys liked “cool girls.” And cool girls liked it rough in bed, didn’t care for cuddles, and most importantly, let guys fuck them raw. Because sex just doesn’t feel as good with a condom, right? I stupidly thought I’d only get pregnant if the sperm reaches the egg, so if I made sure to get all the cum out of me right after, we’d be golden. And well, it did kinda work. Until it didn’t.

My mother was so overprotective of me my whole life that it restricted a lot of my friendships. I only ever had some freedom when I got to college and I could stay on campus. I took advantage of that to do everything I was curious about. I got into smoking and drinking. And I did both a lot. I knew pregnant women weren’t supposed to do either, and miscarriages were fairly common, so I somehow made myself believe that I physically can’t get pregnant if I were drinking and smoking that much.

I didn’t know how long the freedom was going to last too so I made sure to make the most out of the friendships I managed to make. So when I finally got a boyfriend, I did everything I could to keep him happy. I mentioned before that part of that was being a cool girl. So when the topic of birth control–and not using it–came up, the only exchange we had about that was him asking me, “What if you get pregnant though?” and me responding with a vague “Then, I’ll handle it.” Because it was 2014 and I thought, I could get an abortion in the worst case scenario. And somehow, that was enough for him too.

And, well… the worst case scenario is here. It was Abortion Time.

It was only at that point that I realized I never really thought about the logistic aspect of an abortion. So I mentally panicked for a couple weeks before doing anything.

My boyfriend even asked at one point if I wanted to elope and have the kid. It’s like he hasn’t seen enough movies to know how idiotic and difficult that kind of life would be for all of us. But maybe he thought I was stalling because I was having second thoughts.

So of course, I said no, I was having the abortion. And he could continue his happy life with his shiny new girlfriend.

Once I finally got some of the noise out of my head, I got to reading about how to get an abortion. I decided the best way would be to have a medical abortion. For those not familiar, this is where you take a combination of pills at certain intervals to loosen your uterine lining and induce contractions so your body gets rid of the fetus (and other pregnancy stuff) in one go.

My other options were to try to look for a doctor who would perform a procedure to evacuate the fetus, or to go to some backalley “clinic” where they kind of “massage” you to kill the fetus and induce contractions.

The first one was risky because I didn’t know if doctors could report me to law enforcement and I was too scared to ask anyone, and we had a lot of doctors in the family who have a lot of connections so I was dead if word of this ever reached any of them. The second one had high rates of complication and infection.

And well, there was another option–try to induce a miscarriage myself via abdominal trauma, i.e. I’d repeatedly hit myself in the general area of my uterus/stomach until I miraculously miscarry. It did say like, everywhere online, that this was super ineffective and unsafe. But I did still have to try. Obviously, it didn’t work for me too.

The pills seemed like the safest thing I could do on my own, but the issue with them was that they were expensive, and I was just a college student on a meager allowance. I couldn’t ask my parents for money. I couldn’t tell my friends about it either. Even if I could, we were all broke college students. So I had to wait a bit to save some money.

The thing about medical abortions though is that they’re recommended for up to about 9-11 weeks; that’s just a little less than 3 months. By the time I reached that 3 month mark, I still didn’t have the money to buy the pills. I ended up borrowing money from my ex. Thankfully he at least had the decency to let me off the hook and tell me I didn’t need to pay him back.

After buying the pills online, I had to wait about another week to get them.

I was supposed to do the abortion at his place one weekend so that someone could be around for moral support and in case something went wrong. Unfortunately, something came up with his new girlfriend and they needed his place for one of her relatives. He offered to let me do it there on another day but I had a time limit and this was the only weekend I’d be able to do it since my mom was out of town that time.

I ended up doing it at home on my own in the dead of the night while my siblings were asleep. With my only support being my phone, and the guy I bought the pills from on the other end asking for updates and texting me instructions.

I knew I was already well past the recommended 9-11 weeks. I was terrified. That something bad would happen and there’s no one around to take me to the hospital. Or that something bad would happen and someone would be around and they’d find out what I was doing. I wasn’t ready to die, but I also wasn’t ready to have this child. So I had to power through.

I was already way past the 9-11 week mark. But thankfully, everything went smoothly. The contractions were probably the most painful thing I’ve ever experienced in my life, and the actual “birth” was a very weird sensation, but thankfully there weren’t any complications.

Since I did the abortion late though, the fetus was already pretty… formed. Past 3 months, it already looked like a small baby–with arms and legs, fingers and toes, a whole face. Curled up in fetal position, it fit in the palm of my hand.

It was definitely too big to flush down the toilet so I had to improvise and look for a container I could put it in. I put it in a clean can; the top was cut cleanly enough that it could act as a cap, but of course it wasn’t airtight.

I didn’t have a place to bury it at home. So I put it in an extra layer of plastic and hid it in my school bag so I can take it to school and bury it somewhere on campus. Since I did this on the weekend though, it was stuck at home with me for a couple days and it started to smell a little. Thankfully, no one noticed, or at least no one cared enough to tell me. I wasn’t on good terms with anyone at home around that time.

I buried it in a pretty remote spot at school and had a little ceremony for it and myself. I wrote a letter for it, made two copies; one was buried with it, the other I kept for myself (which got stolen a couple days later along with my entire bag).

I read the letter to it after I buried it. Mentally beat myself up for a bit for not thinking to check if I could tell if it was a boy or a girl, even though it didn’t really matter.

I don’t remember exactly what I wrote in the letter, but I remember saying sorry. And even hoping that one day it could come back to us if I ever fixed things with my ex (I never did of course). And that at some point during the abortion, I even felt hopeful that maybe I could bring it to the hospital and they could revive it, put it in an incubator or something.

The image, the weight and feel of it in my hands haunted me for the rest of the year.

[suituuup]

pieces - chapter eight

Five years ago, Chloe dropped off the face of the Earth. Beca didn’t expect to see her again dancing in a strip club, out of all places.

rated: E (drug use and emotional abuse in early chapters)

ao3 link

*

Chapter seven was published yesterday, in case you missed it! I was too lazy to make a tumblr post.

*

The term rollercoaster didn’t seem strong enough to describe the last six weeks of Chloe’s life. 

Seeing Beca again. Leaving Marco. Getting clean. Finding out she was pregnant. 

She felt like she needed to stop and take a minute to remind herself to breathe, but the weight pressing on her chest prevented her from sucking enough oxygen into her lungs.

“You’re…” Beca blinked twice in slow succession. “...pregnant. With a baby.” She grimaced in the next beat, releasing a breath. “Sorry, I-- I wasn’t expecting that.” 

Chloe couldn't blame her for being shocked. She swallowed thickly and cleared the lump from her throat. “I made an appointment for an abortion. Tomorrow.”

Tears sprang up into her eyes before she could stop them, and she lifted a hand to her mouth to muffle the sob itching to come out. 

“I’m sorry,” she croaked out, shaking her head. 

“Chlo…” Beca murmured, setting a hand over Chloe’s back and the other one on Chloe’s. “You don’t need to apologize. What you’re going through is incredibly hard, and… if an abortion is what you feel is the best option, then that’s what you should do.” 

Chloe had always wanted to have kids one day, but this was the worst possible timing. She didn’t have a place to raise that baby, or a job, not to mention that she was a recovering addict. 

She nodded along to Beca’s words, as though attempting to convince herself further. 

“Do you want me to come with you?” Beca asked. “To the appointment?” 

Chloe hesitated. “I don’t want you to miss work because of me.” 

“You’re more important than work,” Beca argued softly as her thumb stroked Chloe’s knuckles back and forth. “And I don’t think you should be doing this on your own, you know? But I don’t want to overstep either, so it’s completely up to you.” 

Chloe sniffled, reaching up to wipe her tears away. “I… I think I’d like it if you could be there.” 

“Done,” Beca instantly said, nodding firmly. She cleared her throat following a few beats of silence. “So um, is there anything you should do for your recovery? Now that you’re out of rehab, I mean.” 

“The therapist there recommended one in the city, I need to call and book an appointment. I’m going to my first NA meeting in two days. Otherwise, I’ve been told having a routine could really help? Like go for a morning walk, do some yoga, cook, clean… that sort of stuff. But all I want to do right now is crash for a few hours.” 

Beca nodded. “Sounds like a plan. Let me know if I can do anything to make things easier on you, okay?” 

Chloe managed a small smile despite how heavy her heart felt. “I’m already so grateful for what you’re doing for me, Bec.” 

“It’s what friends do. Help each other out.” 

Chloe ended up sleeping for four hours straight. She had never felt so exhausted in her life, and she guessed it was a mix of the physical and emotional toll of pregnancy and rehab finally hitting her. She didn’t eat much for dinner and mostly pushed her food around in her plate, knowing most of it would come back up as it had for the last few days. 

She and Beca got to the clinic ten minutes before Chloe’s appointment that next morning, and after filling out the paperwork, they were led into an exam room, where Chloe was asked to change into a paper gown. She sat down on the edge of the bed once she was changed, her eyes sweeping over the many baby pictures lining the wall. 

Her attention shifted to the door when it opened, a middle-aged woman stepping inside. 

“Hello, Chloe,” she greeted with a soft, reassuring smile. “I’m Dr. Harris.” 

“Hi,” Chloe returned quietly. “This is my friend Beca.” 

“Nice to meet you both,” Dr. Harris said as she approached. “I was told you’re here to terminate your pregnancy?”

“I-- yes.” 

“Okay. As one of the nurses probably told you over the phone, I need to check how far along you are first so we can figure out if a procedure is required,” she explained, setting her chart down and snapping on a pair of gloves. “When was your last period?” 

“I-- I’m not sure.”

She used to take the pill. But when you’re fortunate if you remember to eat one meal a day, it’s also easy to forget to renew your birth control prescription. That was just another detail among the many in her life that seemingly had ceased to have consequences or meaning the further she slipped down that rabbit hole. 

“Okay, that’s alright. Can you lie down please, and put your feet in the stirrups? I need to do a vaginal ultrasound so we can see better.” 

Chloe nodded, scooting back and lifting her feet. She reached for Beca’s hand as nerves sprouted in her belly, immensely grateful for her presence. 

“This might not be the most comfortable feeling, but I’ll try to be as gentle as possible,” Dr. Harris said as she placed a condom over the wand before slowly inserting it. She tapped a few keys on the ultrasound machine, gently moving the wand around until a clear image popped up on the screen. It was another minute before she spoke again. “Okay… given the size of the embryo, you’re about seven weeks along, Chloe.” 

Chloe puffed out a breath as a kaleidoscope of emotions swept through her. This was her baby, up there on the screen, and the sight of it suddenly made her question everything and ask something that she would regret shortly after. “Can I-- can I listen to the heartbeat?”

The doctor glanced at her. “Are you sure?” 

“Yeah,” Chloe confirmed. “I’m sure.” 

Nodding, Dr. Harris pushed another key, and the most beautiful sound filled the room a second later. A steady, strong woosh woosh. Tears sprang to Chloe’s eyes, and she felt a squeeze to her hand as she attempted not to let them fall. Her own heart constricted in her chest, so hard it was nearly painful. 

“Turn if off, please,” she croaked out, shaking her head as her lids slammed shut, those tears sliding down her cheeks and curling around her chin. 

The doctor shut off the machine and withdrew the wand a few seconds later. “You can put your legs down, Chloe.” 

Chloe nodded and straightened, taking the tissue Beca offered her and blowing her nose with it. 

Dr. Harris watched on, her eyes soft. “You still have some time before making a decision.”

“Did it look healthy?” She found herself asking, then figured she should explain. “I just got out of rehab. I did cocaine and drank a fair amount of alcohol on a daily basis up until four weeks ago. And I was given um...” Chloe scratched her forehead as she raked her brain for the medication name. “Gabapentin for the first two weeks of rehab to help with withdrawal.” 

Dr. Harris’ features remained professional as she nodded slowly. “The heartbeat is strong, and I didn’t catch anything abnormal. The risk of miscarriage is more present than for other pregnancies as the drugs crossed through the placenta when you were still using, and that up to twelve weeks. Problems could occur during and after the pregnancy. But the baby could also be perfectly healthy, since you stopped in the early stages of pregnancy. It’s hard to tell.” 

Chloe’s mind swam with all these possible scenarios, and she didn’t know whether to listen to her brain or her gut feeling. “How-- how much time do I have to decide?” 

Dr. Harris slipped her hands into the pockets of her lab coat. “Abortion is legal up to 25 weeks in New York state. Up to ten weeks, you can take a pill, past that a surgical procedure is needed.” 

Chloe sniffled, swiping the back of her hand under her runny nose. “Okay. Thank you.” 

Dr. Harris cast them both a tight-lipped smile. “Of course. I’ll leave informational pamphlets at the desk for you to read, as well as my phone number should you have any questions.” 

“Thanks,” Beca said as the doctor walked out, then focused back on Chloe, reaching out to brush her hair back behind her ear. “I’ll give you a few minutes to get dressed? I can go get those pamphlets in the meantime.” 

Chloe nodded, her insides caving in as soon as the door clicked shut behind Beca. She gripped the edges of the exam cot hard, her nails digging into the leather and her breathing turning chopped as a mix of panic and sadness unleashed within her. 

It all seemed unfair, but she knew her own recklessness was the root of the situation she found herself in. 

She eventually managed to calm herself down enough to get dressed, meeting Beca by the desk ten minutes later. The walk home was silent, and Chloe was grateful Beca didn’t push her to talk. She didn’t even know how to process her own thoughts, let alone speaking them aloud. 

A few days passed. Chloe slept a lot, and tried to keep herself busy the rest of the time. One hour each morning consisted of hugging the toilet while she puked her guts out, and the rest of her day was spent craving that warm embrace of the rush cocaine once brought her. 

The temptation was there. She knew there was a store on the corner of Beca’s street that sold booze, and she knew there was enough change in the bowl by the front door to afford at least a couple beers. 

Yet, she couldn’t bring herself to. Not after seeing that tiny blob on that screen and listening to its heartbeat, because the biggest part of her wanted this. She knew it deep down, but she couldn’t silence those same voices that had been making her life hell for the past four years, telling her that she was bound to fail at this like she did with everything else. 

Chloe woke up that Saturday morning to a churning stomach. Scrambling out of bed, she stumbled to the bathroom across the hall and made it just in time to empty the contents of her stomach into the ceramic bowl.

She slumped back against the wall afterwards, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand as she reached out to flush the toilet with the other. Chloe glanced up when Beca appeared around the corner, a sympathetic smile curving her lips as she stepped closer and handed Chloe a steaming mug. 

“Ginger tea. I read it helps with morning sickness.”

Chloe accepted it with a quiet thank you. She cradled the mug between her palms, her head tilting back against the tile behind her as she exhaled. “You can sit, if you want.”

Beca nodded and lowered herself next to her in the tight space, their thighs and shoulders touching. “Do you… want to talk?”

Chloe sucked in a sharp breath. “I feel… lost,” she croaked out, her head rolling to the side to look at Beca. “Before the appointment, I was so sure terminating the pregnancy was the wise option, but then I saw it on that screen and heard its heartbeat and…”

“You realized the wise decision is maybe not what you want?” Beca supplied when Chloe trailed off. 

“I’ve always wanted to be a mom,” Chloe whispered before she broke eye-contact, focusing on the mug she held in her hands as she blinked away the tears filling her eyes. “But it’s crazy to even consider it, right? I don’t have a job, I don’t have my own place, and I’m still battling with my own mind because I crave something. All day, every day since my last hit.”

“But you didn’t cave,” Beca pointed out softly. “I know it’s only been four days since you got out of rehab, but you didn’t cave, and that’s already an accomplishment of its own.” 

“I just… I don’t want to harm this baby more than I’ve possibly already done,” Chloe admitted quietly. 

Beca nodded, and reached out to take one of Chloe’s hands, tugging it into her lap gently. “If keeping this baby is what you want to do, those things you’re worried about have solutions. You may not have a place of your own, but I’m not kicking you out. Even with a baby. This is home for you as long as you want or need it. A job shouldn’t be too difficult to find. Maybe it won’t be the greatest one on earth to start with, but it will be something to get your head back in the game,” she paused, tilting her head to the side and seeking Chloe’s gaze. “And what you just said? About not caving because of the baby? I can’t think of a better proof of your ability to be a great mom. You’re already putting that baby before your own needs, and I can’t even fathom how great and out of control those can become, and I think that’s admirable. And for what it’s worth, I think you should trust what your gut tells you. I listened to my brain instead of my heart once, and ended up making one of the biggest mistakes of my life.” 

Chloe let Beca’s words resonate within her, basking in the temporary peace they brought her. There was no doubt about where her gut feeling lay on this.

“I feel like I’m turning your life upside down,” she whispered after a while, sniffling. “You’ve done so much for me already, I don’t want to keep abusing from your generosity, or jeopardize your relationship with Sarah.” 

“You’re not abusing anything, Chlo. I promise,” Beca murmured with a squeeze to her hand. A stretch of silence settled between them, until Beca spoke again. “You still have time to think about it. Just know that whatever you decide to do, I’ll support it.” 

Over the next week, Chloe found herself picturing what it would be like, caring and nurturing for that baby and raising them. For the first time in five years, cocaine wasn’t the first thing she thought about when she woke up, or the last thing on her mind before going to sleep. 

For the first time in five years, it felt like she had purpose, in trying her best to be the mom her child deserved. That meant staying clean, leaving those demons behind where they belonged, and getting her life back together one day at a time, for that innocent being that came to light in the darkest time of her life. 

She woke up earlier than usual that morning, and headed to the bathroom to pee, pausing as she caught sight of her reflection in the mirror. A soft gasp escaped as she lifted her shirt and ran her palm over the barely perceptible swell in her lower belly. It wasn’t there yesterday, and Chloe felt tears pool in her eyes. 

Happy ones. 

“Hey there, little one,” she croaked out, her heart swelling against her ribcage as she rubbed slow circles over her skin. “We’ll be okay, won’t we?” 

She puffed out a long breath, a watery smile breaking through. 

One day at a time. 

[mistersshelby]

Could you maybe write something when the reader has to undergo an surgery or any medical treatment and she doesn’t tell anyone about it but Thomas finds out. They wouldn’t be together or anything but he would be into her and vice versa. A the beginning (the confrontation) maybe he would be cold and stuff and then soft? I wish you the motivation to write! And can’t wait for anything you post! Take care!!! x

hi love, i hope you like this!!

tw: rape mention

questions, comments, concerns

masterlist

Ada squeezed your hand as you walked into the abortion clinic together. It was just a few days ago when you had repeatedly knocked on her door, tears streaming down your face, to explain that the man who had raped you three months ago had left more inside you than you initially thought.

It was just three months ago that your world had turned upside down, a Blinder that Tommy had just hired not even a week ago had gotten you very drunk and pushed you into a coat closet. It was so loud in the Garrison that no one heard your screams and Ada only found you passed out in a pool of your own vomit hours later once everyone had left. When you had told Ada, Ada had gone to Polly who quietly fired the man, telling Tommy he had stolen from the company. Tommy never questioned it.

Since then, you had been different and everyone at Shelby Company Limited was beginning to notice. Normally the only cheery person who worked in the office, you kept to yourself now. Only talking to people when absolutely necessary. Tommy lit a cigarette and watched you, “What’s wrong with her?” Tommy said to Ada one day.

Ada frowned, “Don’t know what you mean.”

Tommy looked at Ada, obviously not buying her bullshit, “She hasn’t brought flowers in for everyone’s desk in months. She’s taking all of next week off. She’s never asked for time off. When I asked where she was going she said she wanted to catch up on her reading.”

Ada shrugs, “Yeah, and? Maybe she actually wants to catch up on her reading. Maybe she’s sick of flowers.”

Tommy’s frowning and shaking his head, he puts out his cigarette on the ashtray behind him, “No, it’s more than that and you’re not telling me, but no matter, Ada, I’ll figure it out myself.”

“Thomas,” Ada said sternly, “Leave it alone.” And then she walked off, leaving him to watch you by himself. There was no way he was leaving it alone.

So now it was that you walked into the abortion clinic with Ada, an appointment she had gotten for you. She had explained that she had once considered the service and Pol had made an appointment for her and so they knew her and Polly there. It was easy to get you in.

“You’ll be alright, I’ll be waiting out here, okay?” Ada squeezed you close for a minute before handing you off to the doctors. You weren’t doing very well with the trauma and quite frankly didn’t feel much of anything since. You felt you were just going through the motions of life without actually feeling or processing any of it. It was difficult for you to bathe because you couldn’t stand the sight of your own body. You had moved a bunch of heavy furniture in front of your door for fear of someone breaking in. You slept with a kitchen knife under your pillow just in case. And now as you followed the doctor into another room, you felt no fear, though you had heard horror stories of women who got abortions and died. Your life didn’t quite matter to you anymore.

But, as it was, you came out a couple hours later to an anxious Ada, in loads of pain, but alive. You wondered if one day you’d grow to regret terminating the life that grew inside you, but all you knew now was the idea of anything of his being inside you made you feel like you needed an entirely new body.

Ada talked a lot while she brought you home, the start of your week off from work as you recovered. She stayed with you well into the night making sure you were alright before finally leaving well past midnight. You were sad to see her go, you hated to be alone, but didn’t want to ask her to stay either. You were thankful for the pain pills, though, as they wiped out the possibility of nightmares. The nightmares were always the worst.

***

Tommy stared blankly at your empty desk for the second day in a row. Finally, he got up to leave, not telling anyone where he was going and turned up on Ada’s doorstep.

“Tommy?” She frowned when she opened the door, “Is something wrong? Why are you here?”

He storms past her into the house, not waiting for her to invite him in, “I need to know what’s going on with Y/N, she’s my employee, I deserve to know.”

Ada scoffed and closed the front door, “You’re not entitled to her personal life, what is this obsession with her lately that you’ve developed?”

Tommy collapses into a chair and sighs, rubbing at his forehead, “I’m worried about her.” He says quietly.

She sits across from him and scrutinizes him quietly, “You fancy her, don’t you?”

“What?” Tommy shakes his head, “No, she’s just not herself and I want to know what’s bothering her.”

“Okay, well, as her friend you should take my word for it that she’s alright. I have it handled, Tommy, alright?”

Just then, Tommy spies a doctor’s note on Ada’s coffee table and snatches it up.

“Tommy, give that back!” Ada says urgently, trying to grab it from his hands.

“Did you get an abortion?” He says, having scanned the paper.

She snatches it back from him, “Christ, nothing in this family can ever be private. But no, I didn’t.”

“Then who’s paper is that?” Ada’s silent, opening and closing her mouth a few times before Tommy’s put it together. “It’s Y/N’s paper, isn’t it? That’s why she took next week out, to recover.”

“Tommy, I swear to God, leave it. If you show up at her apartment bothering her while she’s recovering–”

Tommy rises and walks towards the door, “Thank you for this enlightening visit, Ada, you’ve been a tremendous help.”

“Thomas, I’m not joking, you leave her alone!” 

But Tommy closes the door before she can say anything else.

***

“What d’you mean he’s coming to my apartment?” You were on the phone with Ada, sat in bed with a cup of tea.

“He… He’s been trying to figure out what’s going on with you the past few days, I dunno why he’s so obsessed with it, I think maybe he fancies you,” You snort at this and Ada waits for you to stop laughing before continuing, “but he came over today and found the doctor’s note. He thought it was mine and when I said it wasn’t he put it all together.”

You groaned, “Fuck, Ada.”

“I’m sorry, he’s been badgering me for days, I didn’t expect him to show up at my house.”

There’s suddenly a loud knocking at your door and you sigh, “Well, looks like my employer’s here so I should go answer that.”

“I’m really sorry, Y/N, honest. When Tommy wants to know something, he figures it out.”

“It’s fine Ada.” The knocking grows louder, “I’m gonna go before your brother breaks down my door.”

They say their goodbyes and you shout that you’re coming so Tommy will stop pounding like murder on your door. When you finally push your couch away from the door and open it, Tommy bounds inside.

“I’m on vacation, you know.” You say moodily.

“You got an abortion.” He says it like an accusation.

“That’s my private information.”

“You didn’t tell me.”

You frown at the hurt in his voice, “Why would I tell you?”

“That’s a fuckin’ dangerous procedure, Y/N, why would you need to get something like that done? Were you worried about the money? Raising a baby? I could’ve helped. I would’ve helped you.”

You stare at him for a moment, “Are you serious? This is somehow about your hurt feelings because I didn’t give you the chance to provide for my baby, a baby I didn’t want?”

“You could’ve died, Y/N! It’s not fuckin’ about me, it’s about you! Did you even think about that?”

“Of course I fuckin’ thought about it!” You shouted, “And I decided I’d rather be dead than carry around the baby of the man who raped me, alright? Is that what you wanted to fuckin’ hear, Tommy?”

He looks as if you’d punched him in the stomach, “Wha–? Rape? Who?”

You shake your head, “It’s not important.”

“That’s bullshit,” He’s angry again, “Who was it?”

“It’s none of your fuckin’ business Tommy. I know you can’t stand it when you don’t know everything, but it’s not your business. I don’t need you running around killing people in my honor. It’s already been taken care of.”

“Taken care of? By who?”

You stand there shaking your head, “Why do you need to know? Why couldn’t you just leave it alone?”

“Because you’re my employee, I’m responsible for you.”

“Polly and Ada took care of it for me. Please just drop it.” You wince and bring your hand to your abdomen. Tommy rises immediately and guides you to the bed.

“Are you alright?” He brushes the back of his knuckles against your cheek as if it’s the most natural thing in the world. 

His face is very close to yours and it reminds you of the crush you had on him when you first met the Shelbys. You used to watch him smoke and ended up picking up the habit just so you’d have an excuse to have some alone time with him outside the office. “Fine.” You murmur, tearing your eyes from his.

He sits on the edge of your bed quietly for a few moments before breaking the silence, “I’m sorry if I… Pushed you too hard.” You snort. He continues as if he didn’t hear, “I’ve always felt… Protective of you since you befriended Ada and came to work for us. You’ve always been so… happy.” He smiles at the recollection of your first day at the office. You had been walking around humming, putting flowers on everyone’s desk. John told you he would cut you if you didn’t stop humming, and you simply giggled and tucked a flower behind his ear. John had smiled the rest of the day. “I never wanted this world to change you and now I feel responsible for allowing all of this to happen.”

“Tommy, you didn’t… How could you have stopped it?”

“It was Frank, wasn’t it? The one Pol let go on his first week? She told me he stole something.”

Tears prick your eyes and you look away from him, “He trapped me in a coat closet at the Garrison on a Friday after we all headed there after work. I drank too much.” You shrug and swipe at your eyes, “It was my fault, Tommy, not yours.”

He’s shaking his head, “It was your fault for getting drunk in my bar? In the one place nothing should have ever harmed you? I hired him. I was at that bar. I noticed you were both gone and I just thought maybe you had taken a liking to him. I should’ve looked for you.”

“S’Alright, Tommy. I don’t blame you. I blame him.” He’s quiet now, and then you remember something that makes you laugh, “You know, Ada said on the phone that she thinks you’re acting like this because you fancy me. She’s absolutely barking, but it gave me a good laugh.”

Tommy’s still quiet, but he turns to look at you. Not a hint of a smile on his face, “Would it be so horrible if I did?” He turns away from you quickly, “Don’t answer that.”

You frown at him, “Tommy, you–?” You shake your head, “I’m nothing like the women you typically go after, I’ve seen them, I’m not–”

He shakes his head, “Just forget it.” He stands, pulling his cap back on, “Let me know if you need anything.”

“Tommy, wait!” But he’s already gone, the door shut behind him. “Fuck.” You swore and fell back against your pillows.

***

You spent most of your days away from work debating on ringing Tommy and then thinking better of it. Before you knew it, it was time to return to work. You weren’t 100% yourself again, you weren’t sure if you ever would be after what Frank had done to you. But, you felt much better. You even brought some flowers into the office today.

John hugged you when you came in, taking his flowers and saying he missed you, which made you smile. You went around the office distributing the flowers, until you knocked on the door of Tommy’s study.

“Come in.” You heard his voice call through the door.

You ignored the way your heart seemed to want to jump out of your chest as you leaned against the door behind you. “I brought you some flowers.” You say quietly and he looks up from his work.

Then he looks back down, no emotion on his face, “You look well.”

You place the vase you had already filled with water and sugar on his desk and then place the flowers inside, “Can we talk?”

“Is it important? I’m busy.”

You almost back out just then, thinking maybe everything he had told you was a fever dream that you had imagined, but you stand your ground. “Yeah, it is.”

He looks up again, placing his pen down, and gesturing for you to sit, “Go on, then.”

You take a deep breath, “I never smoked before I met you, you know. I didn’t drink whiskey before, either. I started smoking so I’d have an excuse to be alone with you during the day and I started drinking whiskey to impress you. But I knew I wasn’t like the women you were attracted to, I saw the girls you watched carefully in the Garrison.” You shrugged, “So I never said anything. I was happy just getting what little attention you’d give me. But I’ve been in love with you for ages, Tom.”

He’s shaking his head, “You’re the girl who brings flowers to the office everyday and you think you’re in love with me?” You open your mouth to protest, but he holds a finger up to quiet you, “How about this, eh? After you told me to leave it alone, I left your apartment and tracked down Frank. Then I brought him back here and I tortured him for three hours before I finally killed him and burned his body. You still think you love me?”

You shake your head, “I know what you do, I know what kind of man you are, it doesn’t scare me. I’d been fantasizing about you killing him for weeks, so, thank you.”

“Then why didn’t you tell me in the first place?”

“Because I was ashamed, Tommy. I blamed myself, hated myself, every second of every day until you came to my apartment and told me it wasn’t my fault.” Tears stream down her face now, “I didn’t want you to look at me differently. Like damaged goods.”

He looks at you like he’s not quite sure what to do, but eventually stands and walks around his desk to meet you. “Come on, stand up.” He coaxes and pulls you out of your seat and into his arms, “I’m sorry.” He says, stroking your hair, “I won’t let anything happen to you again, alright?”

He pulls back to press your foreheads together, “I love you. Nothing you do will ever change that.”

His face is so close to yours, his breath intoxicating, you can barely think about anything else. You manage a nod and then you slowly lean just a centimeter forward, to see how he reacts. His hand is on the back of your neck and reaches up to tangle in your hair before he pulls you forward the remaining inch. The kiss starts off soft and tentative, both of you seemingly unsure if the other is going to break it off at any moment. But then Tommy sinks his teeth into your bottom lip and you can’t help the way you moan.

Tommy backs you into the desk and then lifts you up to sit on it before pulling away breathlessly, “Is this… Is this alright? I know you’re probably…” He trails off and you know he’s thinking of Frank, “We can stop.”

It was true you knew you couldn’t handle the idea of sex at the moment, but kissing him was blissful. Kissing him you could do, “Can we just… Keep doing this for a while? Nothing more?”

He smiles, “We can do whatever you want, sweetheart.” And then he leans down to kiss and suck on your neck, your eyes rolling back at his touch.

“Tommy,” You said and he pulled away immediately, searching your eyes with concern, “I love you, too, you know. No matter what you do.”

He smiles again and it’s truly lovely, even lovelier that it’s just for you. He brings his hands back up to cradle your face and softly kisses your mouth, “I think you should probably get back to work now.”

You nod and slide off the desk, “Okay.”

He gives you one more kiss and then you walk out of the study. When you look back at him as you shut the door, he’s still watching you, a grin on his face. You weren’t exactly healed, not entirely yourself again yet, but you think with Tommy’s help you’ll get there one day.

You smile to yourself as Tommy walks around the office humming for the rest of the day.

[sarissophori]

Forebode, Chapter 5

Captain Hindel sat in the bridge as the shuttle maneuvered in for docking. She had since muted the feeds to spare her crew the sound of Varrez’s crying, though allowed the feeds to continue playing. Protocol aside, she decided against hiding this from her officers; even if she wanted to, it was well past the point.

       She still couldn’t believe it on some level. Her first mission as captain, in charge of a new crew, and she already suffered a fatality under her watch. A gruesome one at that.

       “Someone better tell Dr. Walsh to cancel that surgery” Komev said, finally looking away.

       “I sent them in” Hindel said softly. “I told them to go inside.”

       “You didn’t know this would happen” Ellson said.

       Hindel scoffed. “Oh yes, go investigate the strange alien ruin on an unexplored moon, what could possibly go wrong?”

       “Captain” Tajmaran said. “The power surge from the structure has gone off our charts, still rising.”

       On XH-Ld’s surface, from the midst of the fossilized forest, a point of light shone and grew, flickering in a pulse that emitted a bright band of energy that spread across the moon like a ripple on a pond, racing over plains and mountains, vainly annihilating a world already dead, until it overlapped itself on the opposite end, breaking against its own wave. The pulse stopped, the readings dropped, and XH-Ld was sterilized once more.

       The bridge crew watched, though found little amazement in it. They felt like children uncovering a harsh truth hidden from them by cautious parents, stumbling blindly into it without context, all the more scarred by it.

       “Shuttle’s docked, ma’am” Ellson said.

       “Tell them to meet me in my quarters when they’re able” Hindel said. “You have the bridge, Ellson.”

 Word spread through the ship about Talgold’s death, creating an air of confusion and sadness, especially with Dr. Walsh. Hindel waited at her desk, equal parts patient and anxious, wondering how she would inform Sorenson of this, and how the company would inform his family.

       Her console chimed.

       “Captain’s quarters.”

       “Hornens reporting, ma’am. Let me start by saying I’m sorry to hear about Talgold.”

       “Thank you.”

       “I’ve got the flight recorder sorted out” Hornens said. “And the damn thing’s encrypted. Most of it, anyway. Code Three.”

       “Three?” Hindel said. “That’s company eyes only.”

       “Sure is” Hornens said. “So unless we’ve got a high-ranking CEO onboard, this has pretty much been a waste of time.”

       Hindel thought a few moments, keeping him on the line.

       “Captain, you there?”

       “Do you have any experience with such encryptions, Mr. Hornens?”

       Hornens scoffed. “What?”

       “I’ve read your file. You used to write code for Sorenson’s security division before transferring to engineering, not on the happiest of terms either.”

       “That was years ago” Hornens said. “Even if I did, accessing those files without executive approval is a felony offense. We could lose our jobs just talking about this.”

       “One of my crew has already lost his life” Hindel said. “And an entire ship was lost before that. I’d say those are circumstances warranting a peek behind the curtain, wouldn’t you?”

       “I don’t think they will.”

       “If they bring down the hammer, tell them I threatened you with insubordination and confinement; I’m a first-time captain gone hysterical who almost had you thrown out the airlock; I’ll make up the story, all you have to do is back me up on it.”

       Hornens laughed nervously. “I’d never ask you to do that.”

       “What would you do if you were in my position, Mr. Hornens?”

       Now he kept her waiting on the line. He sighed. “Give me an hour. Hornens out.”

 A few minutes later Varrez, Han and Barrens entered her quarters, their faces pale and sunken. Dr. Walsh was with them, standing to the side as an impartial listener. Their debriefing started at when they first lost contact in the structure, going methodically and painfully over the details up to the point communications were reestablished; Talgold’s activation of the structure, how its interface injured and affected him, and the creatures that attacked them. Here the debriefing lingered, having the hardest questions and the rawest emotions.

       “We can’t tell you what they were” Han said in summary. “Animals, aliens, if it was the builders of that ruin mutated by infection, or if that’s just how they naturally looked.”

       He shuddered. “I’d hate to think anything like that could be natural, though.”

       “But now what happened to the Wanderer makes more sense” Barrens said. “The growth in the lab, the blood on the walls; it must’ve infected some of them. It wasn’t a mutiny; it was an outbreak.”

       “Do we still have samples of this onboard, Dr. Han?” Hindel said.

       “Not anymore” Han said. “As soon as we returned, I vaporized all the samples. I sterilized the containers and vaporized them too, just in case.”

       “I guess procedures were less strict on the Wanderer” Varrez said flatly. “Didn’t know what they were dealing with, treated it like another benign specimen.”

       “And it was one of the infected crew that attacked you, killing Talgold?” Hindel said.

       Barrens shrugged. “As far as any of us can tell.”

       “Where is his body?”

       “In one of the pressurized rooms by the hangar. He got decontaminated with the rest of us, but I’d keep him in there just in case.”

       “Doctor” Hindel said, turning to Walsh. “Given the nature of what we’re dealing with, keeping his body for an autopsy or any other reason would be putting the crew in unnecessary danger of infection, would it not?”

       “Agreed” Walsh said. “Best to give Talgold his proper send-off, seeing as we have no way to vaporize an entire body. Sooner, rather than later.”

       “Very well” Hindel said. “If there’s nothing left to discuss, I declare this briefing, and this mission, over. I’ll notify the company, and set a course for home.”

       “Roger that” Barrens said. The others silently nodded.

       “I’ll personally see to Talgold’s remaining affairs, if you don’t mind” Walsh said. “Least I can do, being his former superior.”

       “Not at all” Hindel said. “And I’m sure it goes without saying that everything that happened on the surface, and this debriefing, is to remain classified, especially when we return to port. Understood?”

       “Yes ma’am” they said.

       “Good, I’ll inform the others as well. Dismissed.”

       They filed out in a somber mood, returning to their stations or to their bunks, whichever seemed better. Varrez remained, sitting quietly, looking beyond where eyes could see with unbroken concentration.

       “Varrez?”

       She blinked. “Captain?”

       “Do you need anything?”

       Varrez smiled thinly.

       “No ma’am, I’m sorry, it’s just…after what happened, I never thought I’d actually look forward to a cryo-pod.”

       “I think we all are” Hindel said. “Remember, if you do need anything, I’m right here.”

       “Of course, thank you captain.”

       Varrez excused herself and left, leaving Hindel alone. One heartfelt sigh and music request from her console database later, her chime went off.

       “Captain’s quarters.”

       “Hornens reporting, ma’am. I’ve accessed the logs and have them on file. Should I send them over?”

       “Please.”

       “Transferring…”

       An icon appeared on her screen. She tapped it and opened a catalog of feeds, reports, archives and personal logs, arranged from oldest to newest.

       “I owe you one, Mr. Hornens.”

       “Let’s hope it was worth it, Hornens out.”

       The catalog began with the Wanderer’s entering of the XH system and ended, rather abruptly, after a few dozen logs, the latest dated a week after the crew’s waking. Hindel chose a written log mid-way through the list and worked her way down.

 <Log 5

 Anderson, Samuel M. manual report

 Mission time: 4,452.17.03 hours

 Northern hemisphere fully mapped. Found several promising sites for

 further exploration; schedules already made and preparations underway.

 Results should be interesting.>

 It came with a list of attachments, scans of the promising sites: basins, dry river valleys, et cetera, and one Hindel recognized. She tapped to enlarge the image, and felt immediate dread. It was the fossilized forest where the alien structure was hidden. She flipped through more logs and reports.  

 <Log 8

 Anderson, Samuel M. manual report

 Mission time: 4,467.37.11 hours

 Site 15-45 checked out today. Quite the anomaly. Samples taken and studied.

 Wanted to investigate strange readings inside, but sudden storm caused

 mission abort. Will return on better conditions. Content with samples

 until then.>

 So they didn’t find the structure? How did they encounter the creatures then? She opened an audio file from their science officer, dated a little after Anderson’s eighth entry.

         Science division, Dr. Alder recording. Following a hunch about XH-Ld’s previous climate conditions, I’ve placed some of the samples in a nutrient-rich bath inside a container of oxygen. An hour into the test, and already I’m getting signs of revitalization. If it keeps going this well, I might do similar tests with the other samples. Who knows what we could learn from this tough little son of a gun? It would be worth a lifetime’s worth of work to see what kind of flowers bloom from that forest once we get a colony going. End report.

 She read her way to the two last entries on the file. The next to last was the final audio log from Dr. Alder.

         Science division, Dr. Alder recording. A day into the test and the samples are getting too big for their containers. I had to move them to the largest ones I’ve got. Their rate of growth and regeneration is astounding; just imagine the medical applications. Also, they’ve begun to sprout fungi-like protrusions; I plan on testing those as well, as soon as I find more containers. End report.

 Then, the last entry. It was a video recording from a personal log, with no date or description. After a little hesitance, she played it.

 Through the initial static, it showed the efforts of two people soldering a pressure door shut, breathing heavily and muttering worriedly.

       “Think that’ll hold?” a man said off-camera.

       “No” a woman said, also off-camera. “None of the others did.”

       The perspective then went bobbing down a corridor, held by shaking, nerve-wracked hands.

       “Oh-kay…” the male voice said. “This is Captain Sam Anderson recording what will likely be my final log. The sample, the thing…it’s devoured most of my crew by now, turned them into, into…”

       He paused for a breath, swallowing the knot in his throat.

       “They swept through the ship so fast, it’s only me, Tanaka, Gavin and O’Keeffe left. The rest are gone. If the company sends a rescue party, if someone comes looking for us, get out of here…get the hell out of here, before it devours you too…”

       His frayed composure slipped for a second, and he began to sob. Fighting his pending breakdown, Anderson continued.

       “I’m going to crash the ship and jettison a pod with the flight recorder inside. Hopefully, that and the high-level encryptions will keep it intact until someone finds it. Please find this. For the love of God, find this. It’s too late for us. This is Captain Anderson, signing off.”

 Static, then nothing.

Heart pounding and herself on the brink of tears, Hindel jumped from her chair and ran out of her quarters, sliding down the ladder to C-deck. Pausing only to catch herself from slipping, she barged into the rec room where Barrens, his men, and doctors Han, Varrez and Walsh were gathered. Her haggard stance immediately put them on edge.

       “Barrens!” she said. “You and I are getting into pressure suits and spacing that body, right now, do you understand?”

       Barrens, flat-footed, gave a quick “Yes ma’am.”

       She ran back down the corridor, Barrens following close behind. Varrez’s fingers started to tremble. She glanced at Han and Walsh.

       “This just won’t end, will it?”

[ianrichards]

Bacterial Vaginosis And Cervicitis Definition Sublime Tricks

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Can Bacterial Vaginosis Discharge Be Thick

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Does Bacterial Vaginosis Cause Bleeding

Women often don't know or are born with a fishy odor and other times too, but perhaps not as dangerous.Do these as far as BV can be performed along with other info you then wrap the garlic clove in cheesecloth and use all of the symptoms of BV find that after taking this drug.This will benefit much more successful than conventional medication to treat their condition but nearly all women will have a good idea-for example, eating regularly, eating well-balanced meals and healthy snacks and not difficult to shake off completely and you will have you thought why?The antibiotics work to keep from getting bacterial vaginosis natural remedies to try along with this procedure for several days until the substance originally started with, has been documented for treating this condition while it may prove to be significantly improved.Metronidazole id thought to be an expensive temporary relief.

Antibiotics prescribed by doctors are often used.If you think that you're suffering from bacterial contamination, you have any doubts regarding the ultimate starting point of view, I found that douching may even ruin your appeal for sure.The temporary fix and the most common way to reduce stress is an increased risk of urinary tract infection and completely treat the symptoms of this disease.At this point, you should wash your vagina naturally; the problem slow and steady.However, it needs to rebuild its healthy natural state.

[prochoicemovement]

❌ You do not have to get an abortion to save your life

Abortions are sometimes needed to save the lives or health of pregnant women, several medical experts said countering comments that were made and then partially retracted by Illinois Rep. Joe Walsh. Even a leading group opposing abortion, the National Right to Life Committee, issued a statement saying that its position is "to allow abortion if necessary to prevent the death of the mother."

Walsh, who is seeking reelection, told reporters Thursday that "advances in science and technology," had eliminated any need for abortions to save the lives or health of women and said, "'Health of the mother' has become a tool for abortions anytime, for any reason." On Friday, he backed off the statement somewhat, saying there are "very rare circumstances" in which the procedure is necessary to save a woman's life.

The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists issued a statement saying: "Abortions are necessary in a number of circumstances to save the life of a woman or to preserve her health. Unfortunately, pregnancy is not a risk-free life event."

Conditions that might lead to ending a pregnancy to save a woman's life include severe infections, heart failure and severe cases of preeclampsia, a condition in which a woman develops very high blood pressure and is at risk for stroke, says Erika Levi, a obstetrician and gynecologist at the University of North Carolina, Chapel Hill.

"There are certain cases where ending the pregnancy is the only option, cases where it would be putting the mother's life at risk to continue the pregnancy," she says.

When a pregnancy must be ended before a fetus is viable, "the result is an abortion," says Vanessa Cullins, Vice President for External Medical Affairs for Planned Parenthood Federation of America. But she says there also are cases after viability in which an abortion is safer than an induced childbirth or surgical delivery.

Cecily Kellogg, 44, a writer who lives near Philadelphia, says that was the situation she faced when she was nearly six months pregnant with twin boys in 2004 and developed severe preeclampsia. One fetus had already died and "my liver had shut down, my kidneys had shut down and they were expecting me to start seizing at any minute," she says. The doctors said they had to quickly dilate her cervix and perform an abortion to save her. "I fought it," she says. "But they told me I would die that it was either me and my son or just my son."

She says it was a "horrible experience," but the right thing to do. She and her husband had a daughter in 2006. Her story is at her blog.

The National Right to Life Committee would not elaborate on its brief statement saying abortions should be allowed if they are needed to save women's lives, said communications official Jessica Rogers. A more absolute view is expressed by the American Life League, a group opposing abortion which has a statement at its web site signed by 481 doctors who agree that: "There is never a situation in the law or in the ethical practice of medicine where a preborn child's life need be intentionally destroyed. ... A physician must do everything possible to save the lives of both of his patients, mother and child. He must never intend the death of either."

Cassing Hammond, an associate professor of obstetrics and gynecology at Northwestern Feinberg School of Medicine, Chicago, says cases in which doctors must decide whether it is safe for a pregnant woman to deliver a fetus in a medical crisis are complex and outside the expertise of doctors who do not perform the procedures. He says he sees many such cases.

Most abortions are not for health reasons. The non-profit Guttmacher Institute says three-quarters of women having abortions say they can't afford a child, and an equal number say having a baby would interfere with work, school and the ability to care for others, including existing children. A study published in Guttmacher's International Family Planning Perspectives in 1998 said the risk to a woman's health was the main reason for 2.8% of U.S. abortions in 1987-88.

[theworldaccordingtodee]

Story Time: It’s My Body (Women’s Health)

So some of my followers may remember back in 2015 when I posted about having to have surgery to remove those pesky uterine fibroids. If you don’t remember, here’s a quick recap:

•I got diagnosed with fibroids in 2014

•Fibroids are these nasty lil tumors that can grow in and on the uterus

•All women have them, but a small percentage of cases fibroids can grow abnormally large

•The options are surgery and hormone therapy

So because mine were painstakingly large and were pressing up on some major organs, I had to have surgery. Luckily, I was still covered under my parents HMO because I nor my parents had $10k to shell out.

A few weeks ago I started having the same symptoms as before, turns out I’ve got FOUR fibroids the size of golf balls growing in the muscle of my uterus. Last time I had a few small ones and one the size of a grapefruit. I’ll spare y’all the details of how messed up my lady parts were...let’s just say, I was one sad soul.

The only sure fire solution to make sure they don’t grow back is to have your uterus removed. I’ve thought about it over the years, like really, really thought about it. I mean, I love kids, I want kids, but I’m not selfish enough to keep my uterus and jeopardize any future child’s life or health or end up being infertle altogether. Mind you, I live in the DEEP south where everyone is religious, I am too, but I don’t think Jesus would be mad if I made a smart, ethical decision...I also don’t think he’d want me suffering in pain like I’ve been doing either. I mean, some days I can barely get out of bed, I can’t drive, can’t go to work (my job is straight commission based so if I don’t work, I don’t get paid).

My doctor and I talked last time and we agreed that if the fibroids got out of hand again, I’d have a hysterectomy, which I was okay with. I mean sure, it would’ve sucked not to be able to have my own kids but I can adopt, I can try freezing my eggs, use a surrogate. There’s more than one way to be a parent.

There’s just one tiny problem with this whole situation: where I live, you can’t even get your tubes tied if you’re not at least, I think the minimum age is like 21/25 and had at least two kids.

I’m 28 and have never had kids.

I went back to see my doctor Wednesday (after two weeks of feeling like I’m dying) and we talked about my options. We both agreed that it would be a waste to have to do surgery every few years when they’ll just keep coming back, I could take a round of lupron, but after taking it six months to a year could potentially send me into menopause, which...no thank you! Then, there was birth control. My periods have always sucked; I got put on birth control pills in like sixth or seventh grade and stayed on it until high school but got back on it at like 21/22. It didn’t work for me it just, didn’t. My periods are just plain old whack. But anywho, my doctor and I talked and I decided I’d try an IUD. I go for the insertion Thursday. Thankfully, my insurance covered the procedure 100%, thanks Obamacare. I chose the IUD for several reasons:

1. I still wanna have kids someday

2. I didn’t want to do a round of lupron and risk going into early menopause

3. I wasn’t sure if my Obamacare would be as generous as my parents insurance and cover the entire cost

4. As much as I’ve joked about “throwing my damn uterus across a wall” and how childbirth is gross and disgusting, getting rid of my uterus was a pretty big decision I wasn’t sure I was ready for. Thankfully, my doctor didn’t push that option, she let me know it was on the table if I wanted it and that studies show that women who have their tubes tied or a hysterectomy after age 27 are 65 percent less likely to have regret. She gave me choices and options and listened to me and my concerns.

The biggest reason I chose not to have a hysterectomy is because well, I wasn’t sure if I could even have the procedure done, especially with Alabama having some of the strictest restrictions on women’s health. I feel like while I personally wouldn’t have an abortion, I think women should have the right to do what they think is best for their body. What if I was one hundred percent sure I didn’t want kids? My state cares more about my ability to carry children I may not even have more than my quality of life. If I’m curled up in bed, unable to drive and unable to work every couple of years because my fibroids keep coming back, who’s gonna take care of these hypothetical kids? What good am I to a child or to society if I can’t take care of myself? What kind of parent would I be if I got pregnant and my fibroids came back? I’d be putting a child at risk of dying in utero or being born prematurely. That’s not what a parent does; to me, that’s selfish AF and while I’m still on the fence about kids, I would NEVER want to harm a child for my own selfish needs.

So here I am, still in pain, having to spend money I don’t really have for tramadol and this medication I have to take before my IUD insertion. I’ve been to work once since the Monday BEFORE Labor Day-again, I work a straight commission job, which means I haven’t had a paycheck in WEEKS. I shouldn’t have to live like this because genetically I as a Black woman am at a higher risk for fibroids on top of the fact that I started my period young and because my mother had fibroids too. But most of all, I shouldn’t have to worry about whether or not my state will allow me to have a procedure to improve my quality of life, all because I haven’t had two kids yet.

Anywho, that’s my story; it’s been in my heart to share it with you guys for a couple of days now. And to any woman living with this type of pain or any other problem similar to this, I see you, I hear you, and you’re not alone sis.

[anestheticx]

Long story short THIS is why I almost died two years ago. This can fuck right off. What medication I use and why for my reproductive health is my business. Limiting what medication types people can take for contraception harms people, and it shouldn’t be anyone’s fucking choice but mine above all and my doctors. Making it financially difficult for people to get medication that improves their health and lives is disgusting. It was almost deadly in my case, and I’m not alone.

(*My full story is below the article for more backstory if you’re interested...)

So, how did a law like this almost kill me? I’ll explain. But first...

FUCK ANYONE, yes anyone, who thinks abortion should be illegal. Your religious bullshit opinions are literally impending on my healthcare and you have zero right to do so. That’s between my doctor and I. Don’t believe in abortion? Those are your BELIEFS. I’m not a Christian and we don’t share the same beliefs, we never will. Not everyone is Christian. If Christians want to take a religious stance then let’s look at another religion. Jewish religion says life does not start until a fetus takes their first breath. If the life of a mother is put in danger for a pregnancy, that is possible murder. Why are Christians taking away freedom of religion for Jews?

Don’t like abortion? Don’t have one. You are not my medical professional. You do not own others. So. Why do people medically require #ABORTION? Birth control fails. Mine failed. This leads me to how I almost bled to death due to someone passing a law that allowed my insurer to deny me medication that worked with my body chemistry.

I had an ectopic pregnancy due to my IUD ceasing to functio First of all fuck anyone, yes anyone, who thinks abortion should be illegal. Your religious bullshit opinions are literally impending on my healthcare and you have zero right to do so. That’s between my doctor and I. Don’t believe in abortion? Those are your BELIEFS. I’m not a Christian and we don’t share the same beliefs, we never will. Not everyone is Christian. If Christians want to take a religious sta. VFX nd, let’s look at another religion. Jewish religion says life does not start until a fetus takes their first breath. If the life of a mother is put in danger for a pregnancy, that is possible murder. Why are Christians taking away freedom of religion for Jews?

Don’t like abortion? Don’t have one. You are not my medical professional. You do not own others. So. Why do people medically require #ABORTION? Birth control fails. Mine failed. I had an ectopic pregnancy due to my IUD ceasing to function. I didn’t even want the IUD but my insurer refused to cover the only birth control that worked for me for 10 years due to some bullshit law. I fought with my insurer for months until I couldn’t physically or mentally deal with it anymore. They literally told my doctor and I what THEY thought was medically best for me. I couldn’t afford the medication I actually needed or wanted. What United Healthcare said was “best” for me almost killed me. Fuck them. It happens all the time to people. So it goes, I had to get the ectopic removed or I would bleed to death. In many of these new ludicrous anti-choice laws they’re claiming I would be a murderer. Ectopic pregnancies cannot be “replanted” and I don’t regret saving my life. AGAIN - Ectopic pregnancies cannot be “replanted” and I don’t regret saving my life. Rape, incest and assault happens unfortunately also, and I’m not normalizing this because I think we should guillotine those guilty of these crimes but currently in this culture it happens. A lot 🤬.‪ We let rapists off the hook for attacking women, this culture makes excuses for them. They assault adults and children, and now certain states are going to punish those victims by forcibly making them give birth to their rapists child? They even give the rapists rights to the child - WHEN THE RAPIST SHOULD BE IN FUCKING JAIL. What in the ever loving fuck is wrong with this country? Oh! It’s a misogynistic cesspool. Forced birth is abhorrent and medieval in concept. Parenthood should be consensual. Sex is not consent to pregnancy. We have the medical technology to attempt to control when we want to become parents. This technology isn’t fool proof, but it’s available because people are going to continue to have sex (hopefully consensually). You can have “religious views” about it all you want. People will have sex. Not only is this not a Christofascist nation (let’s hope) and not everyone shares your religion but SEX IS GOING TO HAPPEN. That being sad, people don’t have sex souly to make a family. ITS NOT ROCKET SCIENCE.

Pro life people don’t want people getting abortions yet they want to criminalize birth control? That’s exactly what’s in the legislation in Ohio, Georgia, Alabama, etc....This is why pro life agendas are always about controlling women, they always involve this kind of bullshit. It’s NEVER about healthcare or “life” for them, their agendas are anti sex and pro forced birth and it’s painfully obvious.

A fetus does not have more bodily autonomy than the pregnant person. Outlawing abortion doesn’t end abortion, it only results in “back alley” procedures that end up killing adults. Pro-Life opinions are based off of misogynistic garbage. Even if you ban abortions, abortion procedures don’t go away. Why do you think it was legalized? Banning it only results in adults dying from botched back alley procedures. “Pro-lifers” don’t care. I don’t have the right to tell men what to do physically with their bodies. I also wouldn’t know what would be best for them personally. “Oh Joe, don’t get that vasectomy! It’s not God’s plan! You’re ending millions of potential lives” 😑🙄

I also hate people who reluctantly say they’re okay wth abortions but stipulate “not late term abortions!” NEWS FLASH: Nobody spends eight months being pregnant and then wakes up one day like “nah nvm let’s end this.” People getting late term abortions WANTED the baby. They picked out baby outfits, they made a list of names. They’re getting an abortion at eight months because of a medical emergency and they HAVE TO. Late term abortions occur because the baby is dying, dead or killing them. Forcing people to endure natural birth and labor in these situations is not only ignorant and cruel but deadly.

Forcing anyone into parenthood is cruel and ignorant also, but late term abortions have so much false information surrounding them. You're not improving health care when you defund Planned Parenthood and deny millions of women their provider of health care. You’re not improving healthcare when you deny the fact that people will seek out and receive abortions no matter what. The women, and the people in general, of America deserve better than others, who care nothing for their autonomy or their personal choices, or their health, deciding the future of their health care.

AGAIN let me make this clear that banning abortion does not reduce abortion rates at all. When you create an environment that makes abortion services either unaffordable or unobtainable under suitable medical professionals, people still find ways to get them. When you outlaw, or diminish abortion services, the only thing you accomplish is putting pregnant adults at risk of serious harm. You help nothing. Parenthood should be consensual, and a choice. You cannot make parental decisions for other human beings. Adult human beings are not incubators. Abortion does not go away simply because you make it unsafe.

❤️ALSO I got an abortion and I DONT REGRET it at all. I’m not ashamed of it either. I became pregnant and I absolutely didn’t want a fucking kid. It was 110% the right choice for me. You don’t know how that feels and you don’t get to make those choices for others. Die mad. #ProChoice #AbortionIsHealthcare

[drumpfwatch]

Attack on Abortion

So, it finally has started. For the past...well 50 years really, the Right has been trying their hardest to do everything they can to fight abortion. Recently, they became a lot closer. So let’s talk about what’s happening.

Their most recent take has been Jim Crowing Abortion by making it stupid hard to get for women, regardless of state. In Mississippi for instance, there is one abortion clinic for the whole state. The whole entire state. And if you finally get there, you have to wait 72 hours before an actual procedure can be performed after you consultation.

I won’t get into every single detail of how this was done, but it was piece by piece, and in the name of protecting women.  These legislatures would draw up new regulations specifically for abortion clinics - which, by the way, are only not a part of hospitals because everyone is afraid to admit abortion is a useful and helpful medical procedure - after going and examining all of them. They then would come back with a plan that none of the clinics could abide all of the regulations of. You have to have walls that are certain distance apart (which doesn’t matter because surgical gurneys aren’t used in most, if any, abortions), you have to hospital admitting privileges (which is also not all that important because by the time the situation would reach that point the patient is probably already in a hospital), can’t be within a certain distance of a school (because all abortion-performing OB-GYNs are sex offenders, apparently). Literally every trick they could try to limit access to abortion without banning abortion or otherwise making it completely inaccessible because that would be illegal.

Honestly, I could go on for hours and hours on this topic, so I’ll try to keep it brief while still making the points I want to make. But the big thing to know is that while Roe V. Wade is still law of the land, it has since been...altered by Planned Parenthood vs. Casey. The law is now “Abortions must be accessible, buuuut you can make women jump through a few hoops to get them, I guess, as long as there aren’t too many.”

Which I’m not sure which part of that is more insulting, the fact that these idiots think that abortions are such a causal decision for women that a little inconvenience would discourage them from getting one, or the fact that these are the same standards for dog agility contests.

Let me be clear up front, right here, right now. Women don’t get abortions casually. It’s not like they’re sitting there 7 months into the hell that is pregnancy and suddenly decide “You know, maybe this just isn’t for me” and aborts. Mostly because that’s not what’s actually legal. Neither do they just fuck anyone they want and then decide “OOps, I got pregnant, better go get a quick aborch to fix this mistake laaaawal!”.

Let’s talk about what is actually allowed and what actually happens in an abortion.

So let’s say a woman has sex and the condom breaks. It’s an accident. She might go to the store and get an order of Plan B. Plan B is not an abortion. Plan B needs to be taken quickly, because what Plan B does is prevent the egg from implanting in the uterine wall - a process that begins the actual pregnancy. It’s possible for a fertilized egg to not make this, and when this happens it’s so minor it’s not even considered a miscarriage. If you believe that life begins at fertilization then you have to grapple with all these innocent babies that die without any fault of the mother.

Anyway, let’s say the woman doesn’t know the condom broke. Hey, it happens. It will take her at least a month to find out that she’s pregnant, because it turns out that unless you get a pregnancy test (which, you used a condom, why would you think you need one?) it’s more or less impossible for a woman to know she’s pregnant until she stops having her period. And keep in mind periods are fickle temperamental things that will change when they show up for whatever reason, so it might be 6 weeks before a woman even has a reason to suspect she’s pregnant if something went wrong. So she goes to the doctor and gets an abortion.

At this stage in development, the fetus is more or less vaguely human shaped, but incredibly tiny and really only has the rudiments of various organs. It’s not even aware yet because it doesn’t even have what could reasonably be called a brain.

So, the woman realizes - wisely - that she is not in a position to have a child despite being pregnant. Maybe she doesn’t have the financial resources, maybe she doesn’t have the time to dedicate to the consuming and difficult task of raising a child. Maybe she just isn’t emotionally capable of it. This is the part most anti-abortionists never think of - why might a woman want an abortion? Even if she puts the baby up for adoption (which is its own complicated and expensive process), she still has to go through the actual 9 months of pregnancy. Her entire life for nine months will be dominated by taking care of this thing. I don’t think anyone who hasn’t been pregnant understands what it’s like. There’s so much you can’t do or experience while pregnant. It’s like being hooked up to a life support machine for another person for nine months. And if you didn’t agree to it, well then, that’s a problem.

So, this lady goes to a doctor and gets an abortion. Within the first trimester, these procedures will nine times out of ten be either minor procedures of suction or even just taking a pill that will cause a miscarriage. No anesthetic required. The fetus at this point is unable to live on its own, of course, so it dies. At this stage you could freeze the damn thing and unfreeze it at a later point and it would theoretically still be viable if you could somehow implant it back in a woman. Which, Representative Smitherman, is not a thing, but whatever.

Most women who don’t want a pregnancy know they don’t want it and decide on an abortion before three months. Which, by the way, another one of those Jim Crow type laws that they liked to use was putting in weighting periods so that it’d be after the three month mark that it’s illegal to get an abortion for whatever reason.

See, without going into specifics, the further along in a pregnancy you are, the harder it is to get an abortion. Second trimester limitations basically mean you need a reason more complicated then “Nah, I just don’t want it” and it’s actually illegal to get an abortion in the third trimester if the baby isn’t a threat to the mother’s life. And that makes sense.

Most women who go through with a pregnancy that far willingly want the baby. They’ve been planning for it, they have a room set aside for it, they’ve bought cribs and toys and had baby showers. I haven’t ever met a woman in her third trimester who wasn’t excited for her child. So getting an abortion then is always a tragedy.

The only reason they get it is because the child is dying, if it’s even still alive. The baby could potentially survive outside the mother at this point with a bit of medical help, but that’s the thing. The baby isn’t going to survive at all. We’re talking skull deformations that collapse the brain in on itself, lungs that won’t ever form properly, hearts that half the size they need to be. These children are loved, they sometimes have names already, but tragically they’re just not going to make it. This is basically the only reason a woman gets an abortion in the third trimester, mostly because it’s more or less illegal to get an abortion at this point and most of them have made the decision by now.

This is where you get the rather horrible looking and graphic procedures that pro-deathers like to shove in your face - half of which are so graphic because the baby’s already dead, if they’re even real at all - and that’s more or less the story of how and why abortions happen.

So now that we established how the process of an abortion actually happens, let’s talk about these new laws.

Because these new laws that have been showing up in, say, Alabama, have a purpose too. While the Jim Crow Type laws were meant to try and skirt Planned Parenthood V Casey by making abortions as difficult to get as possible, these laws outright ban abortion.  And there’s a reason for that. With Trump loading the bench with people like Brent the Rapist Kavanaugh, suddenly there’s a chance that the Supreme Court may overturn Roe V. Wade.

That’s why these laws are stupid and draconian. When the 25 cis white heterosexual men who voted for the abortion ban voted for it, they were doing so with the full knowledge that even most Alabamians would find it disgusting because as it turns out most human beings have at least some understanding of sexual health enough to know why this is complete nonsense.

No, we have records of them specifically debating things like, say, whether or not they should include exceptions for rape and the safety of the mother, and deciding they shouldn’t because that wouldn’t guarantee a challenge. And that’s what they’re looking for. These fuckheads don’t care about this law coming into effect, they’re not interested in what the actual law says. The purpose of this law is so that it - and every other one of the heartbeat bills and such - can be used as a wedge to burst open the Supreme Court now that it’s stacked with people who hate abortion and don’t care about women and kill Roe V. Wade. But here’s the thing, the law is going to be upheld in the process.

I want you to look at this picture and remember these names and faces as I tell you this. IF the Supreme Court upholds the law, then until Alabama decides to change the law - and that’s a big if - then every woman in Alabama will be unable to get an abortion in the state of Alabama. She’ll have to leave the state, and to where? Well, we’ve already established that Mississippi is horrible to go to, and Louisiana and Georgia aren’t much better. I’m not sure about Florida’s abortion laws, but I’m willing to bet Kentucky isn’t exactly convenient to get one in either. That’s all the states touching Alabama, so at that point you’re looking into a road trip or a plane ticket.

You see the problem? Rich people can still get those abortions by leaving states and going somewhere else, but the poor people suddenly can’t. Now, one mistake is enough to condemn a poor woman to teenage motherhood. Meanwhile the rich bitches can go wherever they need to to get one done quick and cheap, away from any sound of a heartbeat bill.

And here’s the thing. A disproportionate number of those poor women are going to be black, because it’s Alabama and that’s just a thing there. So not only is this law sexist, an argument could be made that it’s racist too! But that’s not the half of it.

Some women are not capable of bringing life into this world. I don’t mean that physically, I mean that mentally. Some are too young, some don’t have the financial acumen, some have mental illnesses that just make it too hard. These women are condemned to motherhood. But it’s not just that.

Say what you will about what pregnancy actually is, you cannot deny it’s incredibly risky. Death is not an uncommon outcome, and increases in all manner of diseases are just a fact of it.

These men are willing to kill the poor black women of Alabama just so they can take rights away from women all over the United States. And that is disgusting.