#either that or it's being used like a binder but. look I don't bind. or have a want to. but I can't imagine the breastplate he has is..

[senotsuri]

Any ideas why Masquerade wore a breastplate? Confused me so much as a kid and no books or media ever called it out

I imagine it was used as padding, like that used in ~80s jackets that had super wide, exaggerated shoulders.

The broader shoulders are less like Alice's natural build, and is essentially a very understated but easy way to make Masquerade look even further away from, in fact, being Alice. It could, additionally, mimic a more muscular build for the same purpose.

[our-trans-youth-experience]

Is there any way I can make my dysphoria even a tiny bit better

Like I get really dysphoric about my thighs and ass and my chest and binding hasn't worked I always get misgendered and the only way I can sound even a tiny bit more masculine is by talking with absolutely no emotion and it's tiring to keep up

I can't get on puberty blockers or anything because I'm too young and it's getting banned in my country sometime this month

I've decided to play around with more masculine names that can't be mistaken for girl's names (from the time I went by Alex and a hairdresser thought I said Alice and refused to cut my hair too short so it's more "feminine") and while it feels boring I like it? I mean my transmasc friends have more stereotypically tmasc names and I'm just Matthew I like Matthew but it feels basic idk that's more of a side tangent lol I have a habit of rambling sorry

But looking more at the thighs and shit angle of dysphoria can I have some tips? Thanks to puberty I've been outgrowing a lot of my trousers and the ones that do fit either fit weirdly (like either clinging to my thighs or being really baggy around the top) or just don't really fit that well (like they're baggy but the kind of baggy where I can't run or they'll fall down and for some reason they don't have belt loops?)

Hey there,

Honestly I absolutely know the feeling, however I do have a few tips which might hopefully help (though I apologise if they're what you've already heard). First thing I'd recommend is getting straight cut trousers/ jeans from the men's section if you can, as these are pretty good at hiding thighs and hips, as well as button down shirts, which when the sleeves are rolled up can enhance the appearance of arms [in turn can take attention away from chest]. Neutral and dark tones are also usually seen as more masculine for some reason so that may also be useful to note.

Another thing I'd recommend is getting some makeup like contour and things like that as that can help with face masculinisation and, if possible, getting a binder [I will like some websites for free binders] though I am unaware if you have been using a proper one.

You also mentioned your name and honestly I think both Alex and Matthew are both really nice names- I wouldn't worry too much about it being 'basic', but I'd say go for what you feel suits you.

Binding Resources Masterpost

How to Get a Binder Without Your Parents Knowing

Hope this helps and stay safe :]

Also if Sage or Kay have anything to add they can write it in the notes[/nf]

-Jon[he/him/they]

[genderqueerdykes]

Any tips for surviving the summer/heat? I think I'm probably going to ask for clinical antiperspirant but I'm so fucking sweaty all the time. I do still have times where I'm cold, (mild anemia and inconsistent with my vitamin lol), but if I wear too many layers I get hot and sweat thru all my clothes the summer has truly been awful. I do acknowledge that some of my clothes might not be the most breathable either but like man...

Thankfully it's cooling down but now I have to figure out how to layer without getting damp.

you know, that's a good question, because i struggle with temperature regulation, myself! i've had to figure a lot of it out on my own

testosterone can cause a lot of hot flashes in the early stages, and when doses are missed or late, so it's good to assess how you feel on a given day before trying to do a lot of things outside. you may have to shift your plans around depending on when you're having hot flashes, but they also may be mild. clinical antipersperant very well be a good idea and it's good to check in with your HRT provider if you can look into whether or not this will be a long term thing or if you just need some treatment short term

layering very light clothing can be helpful if you need to bind or cover your chest but also dont want to run the risk of getting too hot, although i usually wear one incredibly thin layer. you may be able to get away with fairly short shorts or tank tops, but it's going to depend on what your needs are when it comes to dysphoria

try to make sure you've eaten some food before heading out into heat. not a ton but just enough to make sure your body isn't fighting for resources because i find chills and hot flashes are way worse when my body at least has something in my stomach. it's also way more likely to get nauseous from being heat sick if you are already feeling unwell in the stomach

i use a parasol sometimes and ive used an umbrella in the past when walking around a lot on foot in the sun. i don't care if anyone thinks that looks "dumb" a lot of people need to shade themselves from the sun, that's okay. sun screen will help a lot if you're able to get some, at the very least it will help the surface of your skin from overheating and contributing to your overall increase in temperature and sweating

if you're using a binder try to take breaks when and where possible so you don't overheat, start chafing, struggle to breathe, etc. even if you can go into a public bathroom stall and take it off and just breathe for a while that's better than nothing. it can become really easy to overheat or begin sweating excessively if you're wearing a binder

if you pack, try to take breaks with this as well, and if it's really hot, you may want to consider leaving it at home whenever you can as you don't want to get chafing in your genital region. wearing menstrual pads in the heat can also cause this to happen, sometimes poorly fitting underwear can do it too. this area gets very hot and sweaty so you don't want anything there that can trap in excessive heat. it is in fact okay to air out your crotch, too. people get weird about this but it's an area of the body that traps in heat and moisture. you have to spread your legs pretty damn far to actually be a problem

try to avoid traditional backpacks if you can, they're huge and they trap in heat and moisture on your back which can make you even more miserable. try to carry water on you whenever possible, especially if it can be chilled in a container and kept cold for a long time. you may find that you want to try to drink more electrolyte drinks (Gatorade, Powerade, Pedialyte, etc.) as you sweat more, as the increased sweating from testosterone will cause you to lose additional electrolytes which are necessary. if you're sweating a lot, don't drink just water, try to get some electrolyte drinks in there, because your body won't hydrate itself as well without a good balance of electrolytes

try not to carry too many things so that you don't get tired or weighed down from having a lot of heavy things on your person. when being anemic and chronically ill a lot of small things can take up a lot of energy, so try to travel light when and where possible so you're not exerting extra energy just carrying things. you can also try to consume chilled things like drinks or cold foods while outside in the sun, which can help if you start to feel overheated

if anyone else has any advice, feel free to chip in! i wish you good luck, i'm very sensitive to heat and the sun so i get it. stay safe out there, if you have any more questions feel free to ask

[lowlywriter]

Hello! You are an amazing fanfic writer and I am such a big fan of your works, honestly you write just *chefs kiss* if that makes sense.

So I love Yuuei Survival Guide and I love to reread it a lot, but recently I've been working more on computers due to my major/career so I've been starting to get more headaches from screens. As a result, I was planning on just physically printing out some pages for a binder before my friend directed me to a custom book website. Not for retail or selling or anything, just like printing one singular book for myself so I can read it without having a glaring screen in my face.

I was wondering if you'd like the pdf sent to you along with the link for the printing website? I don't plan on distributing them to anyone else since it's not my work, but the product turned out really good and if you'd like a physical version, I have the first 25 chapters fully edited and formatted for a book. I can also send over pictures of the final product, it looks amazing.

Again, I don't plan to sell this or throw it out for others to use (not mine to throw around) but I thought you might love to try and get a physical copy since your the author! No one else will be getting the pdf copy and the link to the website from me, I write fanfics myself and I wanted to make sure I got permission from you about your work before I posted pictures of the physical copy anywhere. Let me know what you think!

Hello! Thank you so much, I'm super glad to hear you love the fic! its definitely one of my biggest accomplishments, so I'm happy people are still loving it too!

I really don't mind so long as there's no profit being made anywhere! I don't want to get in trouble, and I don't want anyone else to get in trouble either. That said, I think book binding is super cool, I wish I could do it! Hopefully at some point I'll get a physical copy of something I've made, sounds like dream honestly!

I'd love to see the pictures, link and pdf files! Sounds really cool!

Also, I'd just like to warn you, I'm doing major editing on YSG and a few other fics on my LowlyWriter account as I find the time to do it. I'm nowhere near chapter 25 (it's a very slow process), so if you're that far, you should be good to keep going to the end before I catch up, but it is slowly being rewritten with better grammar and stuff as I learn more and my writing style matures!

Not sure if that makes a difference to you, but thought I'd give you a head's up! :D Hope your project goes well, and can't wait to see the finished product!

[yourgamemasterthewhiterabbit]

idk if anyone knows this about big boobs, but listen, not supporting them hurts [and can damage your spine], so if I am not binding, you bet I am wearing a bra. Do you know what bras do? They support your boobs and make them look bigger, busty even, even sports bras... and most bras are designed and sold with women in mind... But the problem is you have a day by day choice between gender and keeping your body from being injured. Tits out and unsupported isn't a good option for a large number of big tittied trans men/mascs.

And a lot of the bras we own are even left over from when we were presenting as women, and no, we aren't going to go spend a fortune on new bras that will be equally hard to fit and probably end up being equally girly because those are the damn options.

Sure I can stack 2-3 sports bras but I still clearly have breasts and idk if you know this but stacking sports bras can do the same medically significant damage as bad chest binding. You need to be able to breathe.

Until comfortable safe chest binding [bras meant to make you look masculine shaped or to minimize breast tissue] become mainstream for any gender to do for any reason [think sports bra++++]... Our only options are going to be going to exhausting and expensive extremes just to get a chest binder that we can't wear more than a certain % of the time safely.... or wear the big tiddy bra.

And for the record I think various levels of safe chest binding garments should be standard fare at bra stores, and there should also be sections and sizes geared at big titty cis men, btw. There should be a man gender bra store is what I am saying that floats as a business by also selling you the most ultimate reshaping supportive sports bras [the kind of shit you could wear all day safely but holds that shit in place in a way that isn't meant to try to keep you looking boobily] regardless of gender, is what I am saying.

Hell I think there should be a straight up 'trans store' that also sells shit to care for all sorts of body mods and sells stuff like animal ears and tails [the cyborg electronic ones], just like a whole slew of whatever people do to reshape their bodies or make themselves more comfortable. It could have some futuristic trasnhumanism vibes, have an adult section in the back like Spencer's does, and just basically make trans support products and garments, as well as like fat support products and garments, maybe even maternity shit, something mainstream and popular that anyone can access anywhere at any time. You want to normalize this shit? let cis men buy packers. Let cis women have a special store with options for "cutlets", a place where you could go in person and TRY ON prosthetic breasts if you have to get a mastectomy. Or if you're trans. This would be the store to have a catalogue of mermaid tails in for order. No more having to shop online without being able to handle the product in person. Samples. All in all there would be enough things, if you clustered it all together, to appeal to enough people that you might just be able to maintain a physical store with regular customers in more areas than your would think. Partner with local sex shops or smth.

Call it like.. The body shop, or whatever version of that pun isn't taken.

Not all of us want or can access top surgery. If for no other reason than some of us just don't want to lose sensation in our nipples, or don't want surgery.

Acting like having big tits makes you less sincere about being trans is just absurd. You get that they just grew there right? Our bodies just grew there on us and now we either support them or suffer, and that goes for just about everything [boobs, dick, bones, ass, fat rolls/folds etc].

people who hate trans men seem to overwhelmingly be of the opinion we can control how big our breasts are/were. 'me when the he/they with the biggest fattest womanest boobiest tits you've ever seen-' shut the fuck up

[the-slasher-madame]

So I’m sneaking my phone out rn because dear lord my dysphoria is so bad. I was wonder if you could do the Sinclair brother, Thomas and RZ Michael helping a ftm s/o dealing with dysphoria? Thank you so much

I am so so sorry :(

I'm genderfluid, but I don't feel a whole lot of dysphoria, but what I have felt was horrible. And most of my friends experience it and it hurts watching them hurt. I'm sorry dear heart, I'll do my best to have a present for you <33333

TW/Notes: gender dysphoria, trans masc/trans man reader, mentions of violence (it's slashers, what do y'all expect?), cursing (but I think y'all are used to that by now lol), probably OOC but again, that's just how I roll here, let me know if I missed anything!!

Bo Sinclair:

Poor thing will take a while to understand

While I am 10000% in the camp that headcannon him as bi or pan, and I think Vinny is some shade of not-cis, Bo is still new here. And a little outdated

HOWEVER, he will defend your honor like a rabid dog. He'll hear someone misgender you and will kill them, brutally, slowly, and will not allow them to be waxified. He gets so pissed at himself when he messes up on your pronouns

Along with all that, I think he would be a little confused and not understand dysphoria. He's like "you said yer a boy, whyoncha feel like it?"

If that's the final straw and you start crying, his entire thought process is 'shit shit shit shitshitshIT'

He hates when you cry and he wants to put himself in the Wax Chair when he makes you cry

I love the idea of this man comforting me while I cry and shushing me

ANYWAYS

Once you explain that your brain is a little bitch as well as the fact that your body just feels wrong sometimes, he understands a bit better; he understands very well what it's like to feel that your body is wrong

He tries so hard to help you on days that it gets unbearable. He makes sure that if you bind, it's safely and whatever you bind with is clean. He steals every piece of masc clothing from the victims (even if it's definitely not the right size). He helps you keep your hair styled how you want (bringing in Vincent to help).

Bo would also help with when you needed to shower but didn't want to look at yourself. A couple of candles and himself, of course, to try to solve the issues

He's also there for all the hardest times, when you just wanted to cry. He always had reassurances ready for you, and never failed to remind you that you were his man

Vincent Sinclair:

I think he understands the most

I am firmly of the belief he goes by he/they, and I won't take criticism

Or is a gender non-conforming man, or non-binary, or demiboy

I think y’all get what I’m saying, he’s a masculine entity but they aren’t a man

He’s the best for helping you feel comfortable

He is the King of soft, god I fucking love them

anyways

He might mess up once or twice, but he’s like really good at getting your pronouns right. Sometimes it feels like they’re more accurate than you

If you don’t want to see feminine clothing? He will actually burn any feminine clothing in the house

While I absolutely agree that they’re co-dependent on Bo, Vincent will not hesitate to lose they’re shit on either brother for misgendering you or being rude. This man would eat straight wax for you ngl

ALWAYS READY TO LISTEN!! If he smells the most tiny bit of sadness or bad feelings, he has a cup of tea (or your favorite drink) prepped and a spot in his lap that hey, wouldn’t ya know, is you sized

They will do anything in his power to learn to make you binders. And he will not let you wear it for too long. Like exactly 8 hours later they materialize at your shoulder and politely ask you to take it off

They could and will spend days showering you in affirmations and validations. You are his man, their handsome boyfriend, and he loves telling you as much

His art of you is always perfect, always shows how you feel, and he tries so hard to show you how he feels and how he sees you in his art. However, they’re also understanding if it’s not helpful when you feel super dysphoric

Another one that’s more than happy to shut off the lights and shower you. They won’t let you lift a finger, pampering your body with all possible bath products in the house

I think they’d both sew you clothing and let you pick out anything you want from the victims. Would also threaten his brothers to buy you things in town

Did I mention they get exceptionally brutal with people who misgender you?? Like I love the idea he get’s very brutal and cruel in his art, but dear sweet jesus on a breadstick anyone who hurts you, physically or emotionally, will be kept alive for weeks and will die horrifically

Loves styling your hair <3, cause he definitely has to cut and shape the hair of finished tourists

Lester Sinclair:

I love this himbo, like I don’t care what anyone says he’s sweeter than sugar

Also like the idea of him having a dark side

Ok moving on to the, you know, request

Y’all remember how in Steven Universe, Blue said “she prefers to be called Steven”? That’s the vibe I get from him. He’s confused, but he’s got the spirit

ofc he makes mistakes, but he tries so so hard and feels so so bad when he messes up

It hurts him seeing you have to feel this way, definitely the boyfriend who cries when you cry

Firmly believes in the healing power of cuddles. Somehow cuddles you extra hard when you feel really dysphoric

I think I might’ve seen this somewhere else, but he when you’re with him and he’s picking up tourists, he will stop the car if someone misgenders you. Full stop, brake petal to the floor, full body turn towards whoever just spoke, and pulls out the Southern Politeness. The politeness that us southerners use when we want to kill someone

“Well, ma’am, if you’d like to keep ridin in my truck you best apologize to the young man who accompanies me.” He’s used to people being bitchy to him, but will not tolerate it directed towards you. I fully believe he has put people out of the truck, driven to Bo, and told him there were some target practice out about a mile or two away. Will refuse to let the twins waxify the rude tourists

Listens to you and tries his best to validate you, even if he doesn’t completely understand. Will do anything to make you feel better

Always always always buys you masculine clothing, even splurging on you (even if you insist he needs some clothes, he’ll just say, “naw, darlin’, I’m jus fine.”

NO HE’D LOVE TO SHARE CLOTHES WITH YOU IF HE COULD!!!!

I’m a slut for close intimacy that isn’t necessarily sexual, so he’d be more than happy to shower with you in the dark or make you the BIGGEST bubble bath possible

NOOO HE’D SIT JONESY DOWN AND EXPLAIN THAT “Y/N’s a boy, alright Jonesy? He’s one of the boys and we gotta treat him as such”

Does worry about when you bind, he’s read up on it and he worries about you getting hurt, but either way he will send you friendly reminders when it’s been 8 hours and very carefully washes what you bind with

Thomas Hewitt:

The Hewitt family is one of the few Christian families that live in Texas I would love to be around (I’m sorry, I have a thing against Texas and I’m suspicious of most Christians concerning my status as a queer person with a uterus in America)

Ok yea, it takes the whole family a little while to get used to everything, but Thomas and Luda are accepting and try to understand. They will also criminally assault Hoyt if he is dick

If Hoyt misgenders you, and if he does it on purpose, he better pray. Thomas will turn on his Extra Scary Mode and Luda will pull out a cast iron skillet she has set aside specifically for dealing with Hoyt

Thomas might make mistakes, but at the same time he doesn’t talk so I think that would affect how often he accidentally uses the wrong pronouns

Also, how much interaction does he have with gender and social norms?? I could see him not understanding why people think it’s a bad thing

Someone is a transphobic wad of dick cheese? Won’t eat that person, straight up won’t. Hell, he might not leave enough to eat

He keeps an eye on you and your binding, but I don’t think he’d be like Vincent and come forth from the shadows to remind you it’s been eight hours (at first at least). But he would try to find patterns to make you binders and makes sure they’re washed properly

He is a master seamster. Sews you clothes that are masculine and that fit and flatter you perfectly. You swear he uses magic when sewing you clothes because how can they possibly be this fitting and help you look so much more masculine??

Will do anything you need to feel better, from cuddles to clothes to tea. Would try to find advice from Luda on how to help you, and she’d tell him what kind of stuff usually helps people feel better, but she doesn’t know exactly what to do either

Would treat you in baths and showers, doing his best to distract you from how you feel with your body

He may not understand completely, but whew boy does he know what it’s like to have body issues. He understands that much, at least, and he aches that you feel similarly to the way he has his whole life

He doesn’t speak often, or like at all, but he’d give you a few words of validation and reassurance that he knows you’re a man, and that he sees you as a masculine individual, and that he loves you no matter what

Feels comfortable enough now to explore his gender

RZ! Michael Myers:

While this man is by no means a child, I don’t think he has a full grasp of gender (at least the way other people think he should)

Like come on y’all, he was locked up as a six year old child and didn’t get the whole experience of ya know,,, being raised (I will forever quote the person who said that Loomis’ degree was written in crayon, cause they were right)

So anyways I don’t think he really understands gender as like the rigid structure so many people think of it as. Like I know for me gender is just kinda weird. Like some sea animal with no shape, or mystery meat that shivers when you poke it

And thus he doesn’t understand transphobia at all. Like bro how does a person telling you their gender affect your life that much??

And along those lines, he may not fully understand dysphoria. His thinking is “you know you are boy, you have told me (the most important person in your life) that you are boy, so therefore you are boy”

THAT BEING SAID MY RZ MIKEY IS SOMFT AND TRYING HIS GODDAMNED BEST ALRIGHT?!!!?!??! He uses his lil 6th sense for gauging emotions to keep an eye on you and is by your side the second he detects a change

Bless his heart he’s a cat. Stares at you, will try bringing you things, and just shows up when you cry. He could be on the other side of the city, but he knows when you cry and will hightail it home

You have to warm him up to cuddles, but once you do his is always always ready

He kind of assumes you know how best to handle binding, but he will still keep an eye out and start to nudge you if you’ve had it on too long

This man doesn’t clean, he’s no help cleaning your binder, BUT he will bring you masculine clothing from a victims house...you just may need to use some lemon juice or hydrogen peroxide on it because I don’t think it was originally that shade of red

I think he’s more a bath person, and would love to try and return the kindness you show him by giving you a bath when you feel dysphoric. Might add too many bubbles, but he figures the more bubbles = the easier to hide under

Back to transphobia: he either kills them especially brutally, or really quickly because they don’t deserve the time of day. It depends on how badly they pissed him off. If someone misgenders you on purpose, you will see their face on the news the same day Mikey comes back with his coveralls soaked and pieces of flesh spattered onto his figure

He’s the kind of guy that you have to show him what to do at first to be helpful and validating, but after that he’s good to go. Give him a break he was never properly socialized as a child :(

Also understands the body issues (very few slashers don’t if I’m being honest) and will try to show you what helps him: making masks. He can be persuaded to extend that to making art

Another one that’s a masculine entity but not entirely a man in the traditional sense. He too thinks gender is a shivering mystery meat ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Alright that’s what I’ve got!!! Again I’m so sorry Ziggy :((( I hope you feel better, and if it helps any you’re definitely one of my slasher tumblr crushes <333333

I will also brutally murder anyone who misgenders you, just hit me up and I’ll grab my bat

[lick-me-lennon22]

Trans Man!Reader X Beatles headcanons/How they'd support a trans (FTM) partner + help them through dysphoria 💙💙💙

(lengthy title, I know ^^' this amazing request is from @anonymous-blanket ! they originally asked for how the Beatles would help a trans [FTM] reader through dysphoria, but I sort of expanded it to add general headcanons- I hope you don't mind :) 💞)

⚠️⚠️⚠️DISCLAIMERS:⚠️⚠️⚠️

- I myself am a cis woman and this is solely based on the experiences my trans guy friends have been so kind as to share with me, as well as some of my own research on gender dysphoria and grounding techniques

- this is NOT entirely accurate to the 60s or 70s

- I have written these with the assumption that the reader has already come out and has transitioned or is currently transitioning; with that being said, none of the lads would ever out you or disclose your identity before you are ready to do so yourself/without your permission!

- all of the boys would respect your identity and address you by your name and preferred pronouns !!!

- please feel free to (kindly) correct me if any of this post is offensive or incorrect! I have written these headcanons with nothing but love and respect for the trans community ♡

Paul:

when you come out to Paul (if you were together before you began your transition), he's so proud of you for being your authentic self and so glad you're willing to share something like that with him

he immediately offers to take you out shopping and buy you a more masculine/comfortable wardrobe, as well as items such as boxers and binders if you want them

whenever you're up for it, Paul does your eyebrows and some masc contouring (if you ever want him to)- he's quite good with makeup, as he often does his own!

along with (of course) using your correct name and preferred pronouns, he showers you with gender-affirming nicknames and compliments ("my handsome man," "my prince," "dashing," "Adonis," etc.)

if you ever feel dysphoric about sitting down to pee, Paul reminds you that he also pees sitting down (hc)- "It's just more comfortable that way, no shame in it," he shrugs

he makes it a point to remind you how strong and handsome you are often

if you're having a particularly bad day and your dysphoria feels suffocating:

Paul respects your boundaries if you want to be left alone or don't want to be touched

he stays close to you and holds your hand if/as soon as you're okay with it

he tries to take your mind off of your discomfort and ground you by serenading you with your favorite songs

he listens attentively if you just want to vent, and gives you plenty of reassurance and words of comfort/validation if you need them

Paul reminds you that however you want to present is valid and that you are still, of course, a man- regardless of idiots who may tell you otherwise

"How can you not look like a man...? You are a man, love" ♡

John:

when you come out to John (if you were together before you began your transition), he talks you through everything you're feeling and listens intently when you share your experience with him

he suggests going to therapy if you feel like it'd be beneficial (he attends therapy sessions as well- hc)

he immediately assures you that he'll beat the living daylights out of anyone who dares to deadname or misgender you

John (without an ounce of subtlety) corrects anybody who uses the wrong pronouns to refer to you

he makes sure you know and always remember that your identity is valid

if you're comfortable with it, John places pride pins on his leather and denim jackets- regardless of the comments people make

he will absolutely go off on bigoted and closed-minded interviewers/reporters who question your identity or your relationship

John accompanies you into the men's restroom if you're nervous (and if you want him to) and will tell off/uppercut anyone who even looks at you the wrong way

if you're having a particularly bad day and your dysphoria feels suffocating:

John reminds you that your body doesn't dictate your gender and that your identity is 100% valid

he offers his clothes for you to wear if that would make you more comfortable

he helps ground you and distract you from your discomfort by putting on a silly movie for you to watch (together, if you'd like)

John carries his/your cat into your bedroom and places them in your lap for cuddles and purrs

he reminds you of what a hot, sexy stud you are ;)

"A... woman?? That's the dumbest thing I've ever 'eard. You can't 'look like a woman,' you ain't one- you're a man, love"

John tells you he can't wait until the day you become his husband ♡

George:

when you come out to George (if you were in a relationship before you began your transition), he sits patiently and listens as you share your feelings and experience with him

on his next trip out to the store, he buys doubles of all the masculine-scented hygiene products he usually purchases (body wash, deodorant, shampoo, etc.), as well as some extra boxers in your size in case you'd want them

when he arrives back home, he wordlessly places the items in your shared bathroom/dresser so you have access to all of them, but won't have to ask if you aren't comfortable enough to yet

he's very mindful about using your correct name and pronouns from the moment you come out to him

George supports you if you're on T and gives you daily reminders, or advocates for you if you aren't and want to be

he supports you equally if you don't want to start T at all!

he reminds you that your presentation doesn't invalidate your identity

he refers to you as "my boyfriend" or "my man," and tells you that you look sexy, dashing, and handsome ;)

if you're having a particularly bad day and your dysphoria feels suffocating:

George respects whatever you want to do and makes sure you're as comfy as possible if you just want to stay holed up in your bedroom for a while

he fetches you some comfy, baggy clothes in case you feel like disappearing into them for a bit, and offers you some of his clothes if you'd prefer them

he'll bring your pet into your room for some extra love and cuddle time

George will be considerate of your boundaries if you don't want to be touched, but stay by your side if you'll allow him

he's taught you how to meditate and will practice meditation with you as a grounding/relaxation strategy

"Remember, darling- your body doesn't dictate your gender. You are a man no matter what" ♡

Ringo:

when you come out to Ringo (if you were in a relationship before you began your transition), he is elated and relieved that you feel comfortable enough to share something like that with him

the next time you leave the house without Ringo, by the time you've arrived back home, he's set your entire dining room up like a gender reveal party: complete with an It's a Boy! banner and everything blue he could find (it's overkill, but he means well)

on the table is a care package he's bought and assembled for you

in it, he's included plenty of masc-scented soap/deoderant/shampoo, boxers, a pricey and great-quality binder (if you've expressed that you want to bind), and a very thoughtful handwritten and decorated card

from then on and if/when you're ready, Ringo makes a point of (re)introducing you to everyone (and I mean everyone) as his boyfriend- you both love the sound of it!

he'll give you the most genuine, validating compliments out of nowhere

for example: the first time you watch your favorite show together after you've come out to him, Ringo admits that he's always thought you looked/sounded a lot like one of the main characters (who happens to be male)

if you're having a particularly bad day and your dysphoria feels suffocating:

if you're still alright with being touched, Ringo smothers you in one of his famous bear hugs and tells you that everything is okay and you're no less valid for feeling this way about your body

he brings your favorite snack/treat into your room for you to eat and enjoy

he'll sit on the bed and engage in honest conversation with you if you feel like venting; if not he brings you all of the pillows, blankets, and/or stuffed animals in the house- as well as any clothes you'd like to change into

he showers you with gender-affirming nicknames and compliments: "my handsome man," "my prince/king," "heartthrob," "hunk," "stud"... some of them silly, but all of them sincere

Ringo is sure to remind you that no matter what your body looks like or how you're feeling about it in this moment (and no matter what bigoted asswipes may say to either of you), you are just as valid and masculine as any other man:

"Because that's what you are, my love- a man!" ♡

[manstrans]

I just read every free episode of Finding Camillia so you don't have to and uh. Oof. So I'm gonna write about it

The basic synopsis is this:

The king had an affair on the queen with a servant. They fired the servant for giving birth to her daughter who looks just like the king. When the daughter was 12 years old the queen kidnapped her and forced her to present as a boy for political reasons. It turns out the prince was sick and if anything were to happen they needed another heir. There's a 4 year time skip and she decides she's going to get her old life as a girl back no matter what.

There are quite a few problems with it, intended or not, and I want to explain why they're problems so no one accidentally internalizes them

1. The biggest problem is the main plot point, a girl being forced to present as a boy for political reasons (she's even coerced into it). It's entirely possible it's a coincidence, but it does bare an awfully similar appearance to the way terfs and radfems see trans men and transmascs. That we're either defenseless little girls forced into being something we're not and abused, or the heartless abuser forcing the defenseless little girls into something they're not. This story feels too much like a terf's view of the world for me to be comfortable

2. I really don't like the portrayal of binding and I'm worried that a young trans kid could read this and think it's accurate. The first time she's shown binding it's with bandages, which could be dangerous to portray given that there are bandages that can constrict breathing if used for binding. Later on she used what is explicitly a corset, which is not a binder. Generally, corsets will do the opposite of binding. She also describes it as suffocating, and while yes binders can be uncomfortable if yours is suffocating you it is too small and you NEED to get a bigger one. A binder alone should NOT make you feel like you can't breathe. To add salt to the wound her chest is shown to be perfectly flat without the binder/corset. Why even have it then? Why give the impression that you need to bind even with the flattest of chests? If you feel that binding is more trouble than it's worth or not helpful for you, you don't need to. Please don't feel pressured to do something you're not comfortable with!

3. The portayal of passing. Every time she goes somewhere new every single character feels the need to call her feminine and undermine her presentation as a man. 4 years of presenting as a man and not a single person doesn't think she might be a woman. I know in the story she is a woman, but in real life there are cis men who are small or have feminine traits. This just enforces "You'll never pass, everyone can tell you're not REALLY a man. Everyone can tell your body is that of a female!" This is a line of thinking that hurts all trans people as well as women of color. It's bio essentialism, that if your body doesn't meet the personal standards of some random person then you're not REALLY this gender and they can tell. They can't and they'll never be able to! It can be hard for lots of trans people to pass as their gender 100% of the time but it's clear that this was only written in for the drama.

4. Mismisgendering (for lack of a better word)? When people call her Camillia instead of Camillius she gets legitimately upset and corrects them. Something that happens over and over again, sometimes several times in a row. The worst part isn't that she's being 'misgendered', I mean it's something that happens in real life, it's that they're right when they do it. Portraying the ignorance of the name and gender someone wants you to refer to them as even when they seem very genuinely upset when you don't as being correct has a lot of harmful implications and hopefully I don't need to explain why!

5. Other implications through language. I don't know if this comic was originally written in English or another language, if maybe some of these lines are a problem of translation specifically, but the implications are still there. "You don't deserve to cry." "Women have been easy targets all throughout history." "Groomed into a talent so rarely found among the rotten nobility." "This place is not suitable for a defenseless girl such as herself." "All men are animals, Camellia." "Hah! He's truly an embarrassment to us real men." All of these are word for word from the comic. A lot of them have very obvious connotations, but if you didn't catch all of them I can't blame you since these stereotypes aren't very common knowledge. A lot of these play right into the lie that we're just poor little girls being coerced into pretending to be men. There are quite a few quotes about how defenseless and small she is, but I also want to point out the specific word 'Groomed' they used. That she was Groomed into this. Because we're either seen as little girls being groomed or the ones doing the grooming. And my expectations have yet to be subverted.

I can't tell you not to read this comic, I'd be a hypocrite if I did! But please be aware of all the stereotypes and if you can please try to keep them from spreading. I've gotten ads for this comic before so it's possible it's reached a lot of people but I really have no idea how many have seen it. I just don't want these things to become even more mainstream than they already are and I really don't want trans kids to internalize these messages

[kat-nevayra]

Well, as someone who didn't feel dysphoric until after I started socially transitioning, I understand both sides of it. I might not be the best person to explain it, but I can try.

So, there's gender dysphoria, and there's also gender euphoria. You are correct that gender dysphoria tends to be discomfort with characteristics of one's agab, whether those be physical characteristics, clothes, pronouns, etc. That discomfort can manifest in a lot of different ways. For example, hearing people call me a girl when they don't know that I'm genderfluid makes me want to crawl out of my skin.

Gender euphoria is happiness associated with characteristics of one's preferred gender. It's the excitement I got when I cut my hair short or wore my binder for the first time. It's the joy of getting correctly gendered in public for the first time. That kind of thing.

Now, at first glance, it may seem that what doesn't give you gender euphoria would give you gender dysphoria, right? But it's not that simple. Dysphoria and euphoria aren't so much of a 'this or that' type deal. It's more like two sliders on a spectrum, and I would describe it more as having four main options.

Causes dysphoria

Does not cause dysphoria

Does not cause euphoria

Causes euphoria

Once again using myself as an example, when I began experimenting with pronouns, she/her didn't cause dysphoria for me. However, being referred to by they/them pronouns gave me euphoria. Similarly, having boobs doesn't cause dysphoria (I actually quite like how they look on me most days), but binding for a flat chest gives me euphoria.

So, it's not so much a matter of transitioning 'just because.' Well, I guess you could still see that way. But the way I see it, though our hypothetical person may be content with their agab, there may be another gender that they like more. Their agab may not cause them dysphoria, but their preferred gender gives them euphoria.

Now let's apply this to the burger analogy. If you gave me a burger, I wouldn't be unhappy with it. I'd eat it, and probably enjoy it. However, there are foods out there that I like way more than burgers. I'll eat the burger if I'm hungry, but I'll eat Korean BBQ for how delicious I find it. Just like I don't necessarily mind femininity, but being nonbinary makes me much happier.

And if you get dysphoric after you transition, it's perfectly okay to detransition! Depending on how far along someone is in their transition, it might be easier or harder. But there's many different kinds of transition besides medical transition! There's social transition, legal transition, internal transition, etc. Many of these forms of transition can be reversed with relative ease. And while it may not be a simple process to medically detransition, it can be done. And people have done it. So transition isn't an irreversible process set in stone. It's a form of exploration, just like many other things.

Hope this helps! I'm not an expert on every topic I talked about, but I believe all my information is either accurate or my own personal interpretation. Other trans people are more than welcome to add on to this or correct me if I said something inaccurate. And of course, if you have any further questions, @veggieguy23-me, I'm happy to try and answer!

Huh

[transmalewife]

I don't think I fully have a conclusion to this yet, but if I don't write this post while the experience is still somewhat fresh in my mind, I never will, so here goes.

I was never *very* fat, let's say. I didn't have the kind of body you probably imagine when you think of plus size afabs (in huge part because plus size models don't actually look like that either and wear padding to achieve the same unrealistic beauty standards just sized up, but that's a discussion for another day.) I've always had narrow hips and bony shoulders, and I put on muscle quite easily, so when I was a kid and still able to exercise, before all my chronic illnesses hit me like a pile of bricks in my late teens, I looked like this: Long, slender limbs sticking out of a rectangular torso with a fat belly and unreasonably massive tits. Even later, I only ever hovered somewhere around the "noticably bigger than average" mark.

I take the time to explain that not as some sort of weird flex or trying to distance myself from the "real" fatties, but to acknowledge that I only ever got a small taste of the fatphobia experience. But still, it was always a thing. I got bullied and mocked for it as a kid, by classmates and family. I was made to hate and feel ashamed of how my body looked, forced onto diets for as long as i can remember. developed at least disordered patterns of eating because of it. I had trouble finding clothing that fit me, especially bras. There was only one store I could find that carried my size and at times in my life i outgrew their sizing too. It ruined my posture, both mechanically, simply because the entire weight of my chest, unsupported by a properly fitting bra, hung from my neck, and indirectly, because I'd slouch to hide it. One time I literally got laughed out of a store by the staff after asking for something in my size.

So I grew up being constantly told, directly to my face by people I knew, and indirectly by media, that I was fat, and that it was a bad thing. and not just by itself, or because of health (though that was certainly often used as an excuse) but specifically because it made me ugly. and as we all know, a girl's greatest failure is to look ugly. I was lucky enough to stumble on body positivity very early, and I moved past that by myself, accepting my body how it was, understanding that beating myself up about how it looked would only lead to more suffering, that dieting doesn't work, and that the road to health cannot be paved by insecurities and shame. it took me half a decade after that to understand why the one part of my body I couldn't make peace with was my chest, despite accepting every other stretch mark and fold, because I simply had dysphoria.

It's a complicated place to live in, psychologically. Big tits are supposed to be hot, but in reality, if they make you look fat, if they don't sit on top of an hourglass figure and aren't pushed up to oblivion all the time, they're just more kilograms of fat you can be made to feel guilty about. You're punished for not being feminine, because you have to be pretty to be feminine, and to be fat is to be ugly. but big tits are supposed to be the compromise you get, feminine by default. you're supposed to appreciate that, but I didn't. I hated it because I don't want to be feminine in the first place because I am not a woman.

I got top surgery last year. Started wearing binders regularly two years before that (and coincidentally lost a lot of weight because I moved to a place where I could stop eating things I'm allergic to). And people's perception of me did change, but not how you'd expect. I wasn't seen as more masculine with a flat chest, at least not by everyone. I'm now seen as skinny, therefore pretty, therefore feminine. People who don't know I got top surgery, or before, didn't know I was binding, tell me how beautiful and feminine I look since I 'lost weight'. Even those who do know, and try to respect that I'm trans don't tell me "wow you look like a boy who's never been to the gym in his entire life", they tell me "you now have the figure of a supermodel" with the feminine suffix in our language.

I was at the thinnest I've been in a long time around my surgery, out of stress and exhaustion, and I've since gained enough weight to surpass what I weighed with my tits then, (because of a bunch of unrelated medical stuff) and yet no one has made a comment on it. Family members who used to point out and criticize every bit of extra fat i'd put on, supposedly because they worried for my health, now don't notice it at all, or even praise the way I look. (This isn't the same, but feels similar to when those same people praised how i look when I lost an unhealthy amount of weight in a short time because I was severely ill.) Strangers on the street look at me differently. Sometimes they call me slurs for gay men, but most often they adress me as ma'am and are nicer than they were when they saw me as fat. "Women's" clothing fits me better than it did before.

skinniness is so strongly weaved into our cultural vision of beauty and beauty is so inseparably tied to femininity, that literally getting masculinizing surgery can make you look more like a woman. Being fat in many ways excludes you from gendered society. Fat men and women both gravitate to neutral t shirts and pants because it's often all they can get that fits them. Fat women are seen as more masculine because society deems them ugly and fat men as more feminine because round, soft bodies are considered 'effeminate' (it's a bit more complicated here since skinny men, as in those that don't have much muscle, are also seen as more feminine, though women so skinny they look angular instead of curvy, as is expected of them, also get told they look like boys. there's many layers to all this.).

Performing any gender to society's satisfaction is harder when you're fat, because neither dresses nor suits are easy to find in those sizes, let alone binders that actually work or, I imagine, gaff underwear. the general image society has of a nonbinary person, while newer, is also usually 'thin to the point of androgyny'. The beauty standards that we are forced to conform to or be ostracised are so rigid, and weight is such a crucial component of them, and we need to talk more about the damaging and often unexpected ways they intersect with queer presentations and trans bodies.

[bookwyrminspiration]

But… but

I can’t just let it be

My brain can’t just let my gender be a gray blob or whatever it is

I have to have understand it or it’s bad

Cuz my brain doesn’t brain properly

-Lenore

Alright, I can see where you're coming from! I would encourage you to challenge that notion that not understanding a part of your identity makes it bad--I know it's probably something that your brain is doing that you're not consciously trying to do, but you've gotta start somewhere! I can personally vouch for how great it is to not understand a part of your identity. Couldn't tell you a thing that's going on with my sexuality or orientation, and I like it that way! I have no current desire to know anything more about it except that it's queer.

Just saying that to give an example of how it can be not bad, something you might be able to use to help challenge your mind. That being said, moving forward!

Everyone's different, so if you want to move beyond the grey blob of gender, I think the best way to do so it's to start experimenting. You can do it in private, do it with only a few people, do it with the world. A great way to find out what feels right is to try it. You won't know exactly how you'll react. I thought I'd love binding when I bought my binder, but it turns out for me it's just alright. I like binding more with specific shirts, but overall it's a neutral thing and I don't really care either way. Never would've guessed that when I bought it! Not to say you need to immediately jump into binding or anything, just using that as an example of experimenting; your experiments can be on a smaller scale.

You mentioned being afraid to try different pronouns, so perhaps instead you could write a short reflective something trying out those pronouns. Like a diary entry or a short third-person recount of something you've done (e.g., Quil opened his ask box and saw that it had another message from Lenore, so xi started answering!). That way it's doesn't feel as big as changing them and you can experiment with different ones. See if any of them appeal to you or not.

Another thing I've found that might help you figure out your gender is to try and recognize what you like in other people. For example, before I started using all pronouns I remember seeing a video of someone who used all pronouns and talking about its perks, and my reaction was wow! I wish I was like that! Turns out I am like that, and me finding that person cool and wishing I was like him was an indicator of my own expression and experience. You can observe and expose yourself to other people's experiences and see if any of it appeals to you. This isn't just for pronouns, that's just the example I happened to think of.

Those are a few ideas that might help you start to explore the grey blob. Sometimes part of the process is being uncomfortable and adjusting and making changes, and that's not a bad thing. Same as how not understanding isn't a bad thing. It's valid to want to understand, but just keep in mind that you don't have to. No matter what your brain tells you. Sometimes brains are wrong and we have to work to remind ourselves of something else.

Also, these things can take time. Don't panic if when you start to think about it there isn't an immediate answer. And sometimes when you think you've figured it out, you'll go back to questioning again. that's normal!

I suppose my overall point is try things out, look for what you like, and don't worry if it takes time. But at the end of the day, a grey blob is okay, too. There are no rules, just take care of yourself <3

Perhaps some of this will help, perhaps not! Either way, I will support your journey and am always here to talk

[starfallskitter]

Hi, I'm a trans man who's been socially living as a man since I was 17, I'm now 23.

Generally speaking, if you aren't trying to write about "what it's like to be trans", and you just have an incidentally trans character who you aren't writing from transphobic stereotypes, you should be fine. The worst thing you can do is have it from their perspective with them angsting over their gender and fighting transphobia left and right and struggling to be accepted and all that- because that's not your story to tell, since if you're asking this we can assume you're not a trans man.

Everyone has different answers for every question you can possibly ask- how do they feel about being misgendered, wearing different types of clothing, people knowing they're trans, etc- but generally speaking they'll probably have some dysphoria at some feminine stuff, and will probably want to or have already transitioned to some extent. However there is no experience every trans man has and I've met trans men who go completely out of these bounds. Most of those details have been covered above tbh.

What I would personally like to see more is trans men who live as, are seen as, and treated as men by everyone around them. I feel like most people imagine a trans man as pre-T, looking like a tomboy, and that's just not the experience of many of us. I want more trans men who are just some guy, personally.

Also, if it helps, my main experiences as a trans man that most other people wouldn't have are weighing up how heavily I'm binding based on how long I'll be out of the house and how hot it is- hating when I have to be out for a long time on a hot day, because I then have to wear a sports bra and I cant layer to hide it very well- plus how some clothes just show your binder and that sucks. The other one I can think of is that I use prosthetics for some dick-related functions, Transthetics has ones for every purpose but some I don't bother with. So I can in some ways have a dick for whatever functions I care to have it for. Nothing worse than your dick running out of charge though lmao

Other small things might be how strange it is to hear your dead name applying to someone else or accidentally coming onto topics that would reveal you're trans. For me, stories about periods, the potential of getting pregnant, skirts in school uniforms, wearing bikinis, playing with dolls as a kid, those kinds of things are all topics that have come up in conversation where I've had to decide to either out myself, lie in some way when I'm telling the story to pretend it was my friend or something, or just not participate like a cis man would- which is just an odd mental battle to have lol

Gonna write a transman character. Any tips on things to include/avoid?

idk bud it's p different for everyone

Like

I consider myself transmasc, but I personally don't use a binder very often (uncomfy and not super useful anyway at bigger bra sizes) and still present feminine at most of my jobs, so I suppose my own deal is just that just my inner monologue takes a minute to buffer whenever someone calls me "she, her, lady, girl, woman" out loud.

So, for like... writing someone like me, I guess I'd be like. Pronouns different, self-image different, outside people behaviour towards me the same as a lady.

For writing someone else, maybe different? I don't know. I've only ever been Me so far.

Some guys don't like the basement being referred to with feminine language. Others don't care. I personally don't, but again, that's just me.

I suppose it depends on what kinda person your character is? Is he SUPER into performing socially acceptable "man" stuff, or is he gender non-conforming? Does he have a lot of dysphoria, or none at all? Maybe he has good days and bad days? Is he on hormones or Nah? If he's very active and wears a binder either he'll be sore a LOT or he'll have a sports bra, if he's chesty. Unless he's had top surgery. Or is naturally just flat. Lucky bastard.

But I guess I'd just... write a dude? Sprinkle in the nitty-gritty here and there for flavour, unless that's the main focus of his story, but yeah. Probably just writing a dude and then throwing in that he's trans is fine.

Open floor for anyone else wanting to add on? My abilities may be limited here and I'm not exactly the elected spokesperson

Good on you for asking, though!! Research is always a great start

[nonbinarywiki]

Sorry, I wasn't sure which to do! Recently I've begun kinda questioning my gender identity, I don't really know why but I feel... different? I don't even really know how to describe it tbh... I know that I'm not uncomfortable or anything with my pronouns, I just don't necessarily like parts of me that go along with them? I'm a female and recently I just have really not been okay with having breasts... I don't really know why? I don't mind using the designated pronouns or anything (pt 1)

I also don't mind using the other ones? It's really wierd and I'm not sure how to describe what I'm trying to say... I don't even really know what I'm asking either tbh.. I guess like is this... normal? Just all the sudden basically not feeling okay in the skin you're in?? I don't know what to call what I feel and I don't know how to feel about how I feel and I guess I'm actually having a panic attack right now...

I know what dysphoria is, I already have it based on an eating disorder I have. I already hate the skin I'm in but this a bit different?? I don't even really know what I'm trying to say... I like girly stuff and boyish stuff I have a wide range of interests in both, i don't mind either pronouns it doesn't bother me either way, I've been like that for years now, but I have never not wanted the female parts I have until recently and this is new

and I guess this why I directly messaged at first because I knew I was gonna wind up panicking and sending a bunch of these because this is new and I don't like it. How do you cope with this?? I don't like it... like they are just... there. Look down and there they are, move around and you can feel them, like they are just there no matter what. I used to like it and be prideful because they're big, but I don't like it anymore?? That's wierd right?? Why is it an issue now??

But on a side note to my meltdown, who has meltdowns and existential crisis over breasts... I really look dumb don't I...

Hey! So, I just wanna say its entirely possible for you to have dysphoria about some things but not others!

Being indifferent towards pronouns isn't actually that uncommon, plenty of enbies are the same- it doesn't mean you can't be nonbinary (but equally! you can be cis and not mind). Pronouns are just weird sounds we assign meanings, if you don't overly subscribe to any particular one, guess what? Super valid! For example, there's a YouTuber called Ash Hardell who enjoys people mixing up different pronouns when referring to him, so like her a variety of things. There's also people like Bex Taylor-Klaus or Rain Dove who don't mind about pronouns either! It can help finding people you can relate to. Some people get dysphoria from not having dysphoria, weird as it sounds, so if you're doubting your validity due to lack of dysphoria on different pronouns being used... Guess what? That's kinda dysphoria too!

As for the thing about your chest- its perfectly normal! I can guarantee hundreds of us have had meltdowns about our breasts, you aren't alone on that one lmao.. It doesn't matter when that develops. Dysphoria fluctuates pretty often for pretty much everyone- some days I'm entirely fine with my body, others I look at the curvy parts and wanna cry. There's nothing abnormal about what you're going through! 

As for helping with it, it may help just testing different presentation styles, baggy clothes/hoodies and sports bras being your best friend. I know you said you also have dysmorphia over your body, and I'm sorry- I just want to say that it doesn't matter, you're stunning as you are.

I know as a plus sized trans person dysphoria can be extra tough when you face that, and its often difficult to differentiate what you don't like because of weight or whatever else you're struggling with or because you're trans- the only thing is to experiment. I know I've been very self conscious about my tummy for years, which put me off binding cause without a chest I thought it would be more prominent, but now I have a binder I'm over the moon with how I look! You never know, getting rid of things you're uncomfortable with might make you more comfortable with other parts of your body.

Also, and I know I always say this lmao but its true,, try to find things that make you feel good. Cool shoes, flattering jeans, whatever it is- find your things that can cheer you up when you don't feel confident in your appearance.

Finally, I hope you feel better about everything soon! You're super brave for battling this so well, and I'm looking forwards to when you come out the other side. Good luck!

—Matte

[anarcoqueer1994]

Chapter 4 of Platonic Tran!Tarty

*Note: So here is my 4th chapter of this, probably will do 1 more but I have another Trans!TJ Tyrus story in mind. Also I am mixed on this chapter so nice words are appreciated.

Also side note: If you bind be safely. Never wear more than 8 hours at a time when avoidable, never sleep in, bind loosely when exercising, and take it off when you pain.

Listen to your body! This goes for store bought and home made binding methods. I have fucked myself up with binding unsafely!

Finally you matter whether you pass, don't pass, or don't want to pass. The way you present yourself is up to you. NO ONE can tell you how to present your gender or lack there of. ♡

"We kicked that boy out because we do not have a son, but our daughter is welcome back whenever she wants."

That was the last thing Marty's mother said to him when he went with his aunt to get his stuff from his former bedroom. He tried not to let on that what she said hurt him, but damn did it hurt. All he could muster up the courage to say was "You never had a daughter." Before closing the front door.

To say it has been a weird few days is an understatement. Marty was kicked out of his parent's home. He isn't necessarily upset about not being in that house though. Being there always felt like he was living in one of those abandoned minefields. From a distance, it looked safe, there was a delicate way to step to keep everything from blowing up around it. But Marty stepped on one of those mines the moment he refused to let his mother ignore who he was anymore. No, actually he didn't just step on it, it was like he purposely found it and slammed down on it, obliterating everything that kept their sham of a family together. 

As with any explosion, Marty didn't walk away unscathed either. It hurt him so badly that his mother would rather him not living with them just because he wanted to be happy. It hurt him to know that she, and his father chose bigotry over their own kid, because that means they never truly loved him. They loved the idea of having a child. But as soon as that child did something outside their mold they created, they wanted him to go back into that mold. They wanted him to deny who he was. They wanted him to go back to playing make believe. That's not love. That's hate.

But even with these wounds he endured, good came from them. The Kippens let him stay the first night. Mrs. Kippen also helped him arrange things with his aunt. Actually  as soon as she heard what her "horrid" sister and brother-in-law did to their own child, she gladly offered to take up guardianship. So now he is living with a guardian who is loving and supportive of him just the way he is. He doesn't go into detail about why his parents kicked him out to people who don't already know because he is still not ready to come out. The only people who know are the Kippens, his aunt, and Buffy. That night also confirmed for him how much he lov...really likes Buffy. She stood by his side through it all. On top of all of this, his aunt live a street over from the Kippens. 

TJ and Marty have taken to spending a lot of time together(when they weren't with their significant others.) It was nice having a bestfriend who could relate to what you were going through. It was this reason, that the boys were sitting at TJ's dining room table, scrolling through a tablet, searching for the perfect binder for Marty. It wasn't exactly Marty's idea. He was perfectly fine with binding with bandages and sports bras but TJ found out and insisted.

"Dude, you are a runner! Binders already constrict your chest, you know the thing with your lungs in it?" TJ says sarcastically. "You should find one that is more breathable than whatever makeshift one you are using."

"In case you've forgotten, it was kind of hard to have one in my parents house. I had saved up and bought one, then my mom found it and tossed it. I don't exactly have the money for one right now."

"Don't worry about that."

"Man, you can't afford one either." Marty knew that Amber and TJ's parents weren't super well off money wise. That's why both kids have jobs.

"I didn't say I was buying it." 

"How are we getting it then?"

TJ looks away guiltily like he said too much.

"How are we getting it TJ?" Marty demands as TJ tries to ignore him by continuing to scroll online.

"I know you heard me Teej."

TJ lets out a sigh. "Okay but you did not hear this from me! She will kill me if she knew I told you. But...Buffy is paying for it. She wanted you to be safe while running and playing sports. I think her exact words were 'How can I kick his butt if he goes passing out on me?'"

Marty groans. "She shouldn't waste her money on me."

"Look man, I would just take it. Buffy cares about you and wants the best for you."

Marty gets a dopey smile on his face. "I guess she does, doesn't she?"

TJ rolls his eyes in feigned annoyance before punching Marty's shoulder playfully. "Duh. I didn't think you were that dense. " 

"Whatever, let's get back to looking I guess." Marty laughs before the boys turned their attention back to the tablet in front of them.

**********

After a while, after they decide on the right one, they find themselves sitting in TJ's basement playing video games. Both their cell phones vibrate at the same time. It's the group chat.

Buffy: Is anyone free? Wanna get some lunch at The Spoon?

Andi: Yea, Amber and I will be there.

Buffy: Oh? You and Amber are hanging out.

Amber: Yea ;)

Andi: Amber! I'm just helping her a poster board for her English class.  

TJ: Sure ;)

Buffy: Anyhow...anyone else wanna come.

Marty: I'll be there Driscoll. <3 So will TJ.

Jonah: Did you just use the heart emoji? 

Marty: Yea, what of it?

Jonah: Nothing, man. I'll be there too.

TJ notices that Cyrus isn't responding to the group chat. He is a little worried because Cyrus is always the first to replying to an invite for babytaters.

TJ: Cy, you coming? 

Jonah: ?

Buffy: Cyrus?

Andi: Maybe God phone is dead. No biggie.

TJ: Maybe. I'm going  to take a rain check on The Spoon.

TJ turns to Marty. "Hey I will catch you later. I'm going to Cyrus' house to make sure he is okay."

"Alright, maybe you all can meet up with us later."

TJ gives a half smile. "Maybe."

Marty nods and heads out. A few minutes later, TJ has his coat on and is heading to Cyrus.

**********

Cyrus felt terrible. He honestly felt like his world was crashing down around him. He knows he is being oversensitive but can't help it. He was laying on his bed, trying not to cry. He was not succeeding very well. 

He had heard his phone vibrating from the night stand next to his bed. He just couldn't find the strength to reach over and see who it was. He was too busy being self-loathing, for that. 

After a while he hears a small knock on his bedroom door. He yells out "I don't want to talk about it, dad! Please go away." Sometimes Cyrus hated that his parents were psychiatrists. It made it hard to avoid his feelings.

"It's not your dad, it's me, Underdog." He didn't expect to hear TJ's voice come from the other side of the door. The voice continues "Can I come in please?"

The blonde waits on the other side of the door for a response. He listens to some shuffling before a weak voice calls out. "Yea, come in." 

When TJ enters the room, he sees the brunette sitting cross legged on his bed. It looks like he had hurriedly tried to wipe away some tears, leaving behind puffy eyes and streaks down his cheek. TJ immediately walks the room, closing the distance between  them. He sits on the edge of the bed and takes Cyrus' hand in his.

 Rubbing the rough skins on Cyrus knuckles with his thumb, he meets Cyrus' eyes. "Cy, what's wrong?"

Cyrus looks away, and attempts to change the subject. "Weren't you and Marty having a bros day or something?" He knows how lame that sounds coming out of his mouth.

"We were. But Buffy invited everyone to The Spoon and I was going to go, but you weren't replying to my messages, and I got worried."

Cyrus looks guiltily at his phone sitting on his nightstand. He turns back to TJ, still not being able to look him in the eye. "You should of gone. I'm sorry."

"I didn't want to go if you weren't there. Like I like our friends but you were the person I was looking forward to hanging out with."

A gap of air gets caught in Cyrus'  throat, almost as if he is attempting to hold back a sob. "Why…"

"Why what?" TJ looks confused.

"Why...why do you want to hang out with me?" Cyrus says quietly.

TJ looks at the boy, confused. "You're  are my boyfriend. Why wouldn't I want to hang out with you?"

"You don't get it. I don't  know why you want to be with me, why you were even my friend in the first place. I'm awkward, and annoying, and anxious, and I'm not really worth your time… and I'm..."

TJ interrupts Cyrus by throwing his arms around him and pulling into a hug. "Cyrus, none of that is true, what has gotten into you?"

Cyrus mumbles something against TJ's shirt. The jock pulls back slightly and says softly. "What did you say?"

"I said... Kira."

"Wait you mean that one girl Buffy kicked off the girl's team?"

Cyrus nods his head.

TJ looks angry but not at Cyrus. "What did she do?" His voice is scarily calm. But he is so mad, because whatever she did made the boy he loves hurt.

"It doesn't matter, Teej. She was right any ways."

"Cyrus, what did she do?"

"It's nothing, really. I promise."

"You were in here crying and even now you look like you are still on the verge of tears. I may be oblivious but never to anything that hurts you." TJ says as place his hand under Cyrus's chin, forcing him to look meet his eyes.

"Okay, I...I will tell you. But it is stupid." Cyrus sounds almost embarrassed. "I went out grocery shopping with my dad this morning. Outside the market, Kira was there with some of her friends. I had stepped outside to get some air because my dad was taking forever. She saw me and came over. I think she knows I am one of Buffy's best friends. She started talking to me and I could tell she wasn't trying to make polite small talk. But I tried to be nice and just kind of ignore her but then she said...some mean things."

TJ whispers, "What did she say Cy?"

"She doesn't understand why you are dating me. She said that it must have been a fluke that one of the most popular guys in school is dating a loser like me. She said you must have just felt bad for me or something. And Teej, she is right. I am not very cool obviously and I am pretty annoying. Remember you even said that."

TJ thinks back to the swings. He totally forgot about that. He was just blowing off steam trying to work up the courage to say more though that day. "Wow, Cyrus, you can't seriously believe that? I'm sorry I ever said that but do you remember what else I said that day. I meant it when I said you are the only person I can talk to like this." Cyrus turns a way. TJ continues. "You know she is only trying to hurt you. Nothing of what she said is true. Cyrus please tell me you know she is just trying to get into your head."

"I mean I get that she isn't a nice person but it still got to me, you know? I wish I could be confident and popular sometimes. It's stupid. I just like you so much, and I am worried that I am not good enough for you. Like...I would understand if you found someone better."

TJ instinctive moves his hands to cup Cyrus' cheeks, pushing slightly so the shorter boy stops talking. TJ smiles at  how cute his boyfriend looks before beginning to speak. "You know, for someone so smart, you can be so dumb sometimes."

Cyrus sarcastically replies "That makes me feel so much better." TJ's hands don't leave Cyrus'  face.

"Underdog, do you think I would leave you because you are not cool enough? I have had a crush on you since the day we met. It was not because I thought you were "cool" or whatever. I thought you were the cutest boy I had ever seen. I loved saying you were with me because I could pretend for that slight moment that you were with me. Then the more we talked, the more I wanted that to be true.I love how dorky you can be. I love how sweet you are. You are truly my favorite person. I wanted to be better so I could be good enough for you.  Then when I didn't think I could like you more than I already did, you managed to make that happen, too. You accepted me without question when I told you that I was trans. You have never made me feel like less then a guy. Cyrus, you are the only person I want to be with."

"Teej, that's because you are not less than any other guy. Why would I ever treat you differently?"

"Because not everyone thinks like that." 

"Well anyone who would treat you like less is wrong." Cyrus, for the first time since TJ arrived smiles. He smiles that cute smile that TJ know is just for him.

"Cyrus, I am so thankful everyday to have you in my life. You are amazing and I need you to know that."

"I know that you  think I am amazing, and even if I don't believe that I am, that is enough for now." Cyrus leans his forehead against TJ's. The boys are now both sitting across from each other on the bed.

TJ returns Cyrus' smile. His voice is quiet adding to the tiny world they created around them,making it feel like they were the only people that existed in that moment. "Well I am just going to have to remind you every day until you know what I know about you. No one gets to make you feel bad unless they want to deal with  me."

"Thanks, not-so-scary-basketball-guy." Cyrus pulls TJs hands into his lap and absentmindedly plays with his fingers. They sit like that for awhile, just enjoying each other's existence.

************

The following day was Monday and they had school. The previous night after TJ finally went home, he had an idea. He decided two things that night.

1)He never wants Cyrus to hurt again. It killed him that Cyrus looked so broken over a bully. He wanted Cyrus to know he is wonderful and deserves the world.

2) He didn't want to be a hypocrite. He was constantly telling Cyrus is perfect just being his dorky, adorable self. But Cyrus believed the same about TJ, that nothing was wrong with him, any part of him. TJ no longer wanted to hide that he was trans. He wanted to tell the world.

He remembers seeing this episode of Glee where the cast wore shirts with their truths on them and sang Born This Way. He was definitely not about to about to sing in front of the school but the shirts were a good idea. He could come out and also show Cyrus that he is worth it. So he texted his friends and asking if they will do it with him, except he did not mention what his would say. They agreed because they wanted to make Cyrus feel better.(Cyrus had filled them in over group chat what had happened.)

His friends and him walked to school that morning, with their shirts covered. It was winter after all so they all wore zipped up coats. Cyrus seemed apprehensive, he and TJ weren't exactly in the closet but being this straight forward about it was scary. TJ took his hand as they walked and squeezed it reassuringly. He hadn't even told Cyrus what his shirt says. Everyone's shirts were a surprise to each other.

They reached the door of the school. They stand off to the side so they can show each other their hand made shirts first before the rest of the student body. They unzip one by one.

Buffy's was white with plain black sharpie letters that read "Sports Bi with Great Hair." Everyone giggles at that. "What can I say? I got great hair and like all the genders."

"I'll go next." Jonah says as he shows him his shirt. It simply says "Panic Attacks." All his friends smile at him. They know this is a big step for him. They know how embarrassing he thinks they are. 

Andi follows suit and shows her shirt. "Pan. Proud. Asian. Artist. I am more than Stereotypes." Of course hers looks the best with glitter and beautiful designs surrounding the eloquently written letters.

Marty is next. It just reads "Parent Issues but still faster than you." Both Buffy and TJ slip reassuring glances at him. He is not ready to come out as trans and that's okay.

Next is Cyrus. He lamely jokes "Mine isn't really that surprising."  He opens his coat to reveal "Anxious Disaster Gay(but I Got a Cute Boyfriend)" There are a few little rainbow hearts crudely drawn on around the word boyfriend.TJ blushes at the last part of the sentence. He smiles like a dope at Cyrus. 

"Are you blushing  Kippen?" Buffy laughs.

"Shut up Driscoll." He counters  before turning back to Cyrus. "I love it Underdog."

TJ looks back at all his friends standing around him. They look at him expectantly. He is suddenly really nervous to reveal his. He knows they will support him. Marty and Cyrus already know and they don't care. But he knows soon everyone will know. For a split second he thinks about turning away and going home and changing. But then he feels Cyrus' finger squeeze around his hand. He takes a deep breath and unzips his coat.

He is wearing a soft blue T-shirt with a metallic pink sharpie writing. He reads "Trans Boi who is In Love With Cyrus Goodman." Everyone looks in shock. Cyrus throws his arms around TJ and pulls him into a hug. "I am so proud of you Teej, and I love you too." TJ squeezes back, afraid to let go, afraid to see his friends' face. He whispers "Thanks Underdog."

When they break their hug, he looks around to see what his friends have to say. But they don't speak. Instead, he is met with a crowd arms pulling into another hug. This one a group hug. It said everything without using words. These were his friends and they loved and supported him.

While this is happening, Marty thinks to himself that he wants to tell his friends soon, just not today or as publicly as TJ.

Let me know if you want to be added to the tag list.

@abg-blah @kippens-a-goodman

[coille-sunmane]

Also, I figure since I have it all out, that I can explain the stuff with my kilt, mostly since I am always excited about it and want to share.

The first image is the kilt itself. It's 9 yards long and made of wool. It's the Keith/Austin tartan of Clan Keith from the northeastern corner of the Highlands in Caithness, and East Lothian, Aberdeenshire in the lowlands where the seat is. It's a warm and versatile garment. I've used it as a blanket and as a hood during rain, and I've stayed a pretty comfortable temperature in all kinds of weather.

The second are my kilt pins. The larger free mason one (I am not a mason, please don't at me) is the one I use to hold my 9 yard kilt in place over my shoulder. The other two have the clan emblem of Clan Keith with the motto, Veritas Vincit, meaning Truth Conquers or Truth Prevails. The circular one with the clan emblem is one I used to use to hold a thinner sash in place with my other kilt. The tartans come in a couple different forms. The 9 yards of cloth, or a shirt, often pre-pleated that you wear a sash along with to complete the look. My skirt one also came with the modern colors of the tartan, which are darker and richer versus my 9 yard kilt which has the ancient tartan colors. The small circular pin was used for the sash with the skirt kilt. The final pin with the emblem on a sword is used on the front of the kilt and pins the front flap to the back flap so it doesn't flop around. I don't always find I need it, but it completes the look.

The next picture is of the sporran and a heavier belt. The belt holds the kilt together and holds it up, so it's really important. It also can help old the sporran on if you don't want to buckle it. They come with clamps to hook on a belt. My sporran has a belt so I just belt it on. The sporran is a bag, usually leather that basically just gives you a pocket to keep your stuff in, cuz kilts don't have pockets. Well they can, but it comes from being creative with the left over fabric up top to find places to slide things into. Sometimes the sporran will have fur and other decorations on it, as well as different clasps. They are unique to men's kilts, and I was so excited when I bought mine. I got it very shortly after beginning my transition, and the man at the stand I was buying it from could tell I was nervous about it. My skirt kilt was a women's kilt, it didn't have a place for a belt (ie a place to hook a sporran too) and was folded differently in the front. But he was super cool, called me by male pronouns and helped me fix the sporran up in such a way that it stayed on correctly. It was one of the first affirming experiences I had, and it will always be special to me.

The final picture is of the boots I wear with it. These are boots I bought from a place in the mountains when we were visiting for the Highland Games the first time. They are basically all leather, super comfortable and sturdy. They have a nice sole since I usually am due for a lot of walking when I wear my kilt. They are also light enough that I don't get too warm in them, but warm enough that I don't get cold with them either.

Anyway, thanks for sitting through my long post about my kilt that I love so much. Wearing it is a way of affirmation and pride for me. It's one of the times that I feel the most masculine, even when my old binder doesn't bind that well anymore. I always feel like myself in it, and it is one of the few things I can say people have never misgendered me while wearing.

Hope you all found it interesting, and thanks for checking it out if you did. Keep staying cool.

[r3d-f0xs-blog]

Non-binary. Here's my experience with binders, tape and being the owner of tits because not all non-binary people are the same. My presentation is fluid, and I have days where I really don't like my chest and some days where it is just there. I don't feel enough discomfort all the time to feel top surgery is for me. I also have family members who do not support or know I'm non-binary and are pretty phobic. So top surgery isn't an option because of that either.

So binding or taping is my way to deal with those days or for when I am in a more androgynous or masculine presentation. It makes me feel better, it helps lift that feeling when I put in some tops and get hit with that feeling of not liking part of my body. It's hard to describe, but there is no mistaking it. And there is no mistaking the great feeling when I bind on those days. It's like having something lifted off me. I feel good about how I look and confident. That's what binding is for so many of us. It isn't a costume. In fact hair, clothes, make-up, body hair and many other things are intricately tied up in trans and non-binary lives because of their ability to help us shape ourselves. Sure, they're fun and expressive things but they are important components too and not mere costume either. But that's another thing.

I'm sick of non-binary policing and being told I'm somehow not the right kind of non-binary person because somebody sees me on one day but not all the other days. That they can't truly know how I have felt throughout my life and the times where figuring out my gender was so difficult because I had no support, not information and no community when I was younger.

Anyhow, there's my bit. Gender and feeling comfort in your body is not binary either. It's not a love/hate only. It can be tolerance, acceptance, love, hate, dislike, mild discomfort for a person. Gender is complex so get comfortable with that.

This whole Flat Chest vs. Wearable Flat Chest war is ridiculous because it's not a war when only one side decides to cause issues towards the other. It's harassment. It's online bullying.

At no point the Wearable Flat Chest was created with the purpose or intent to be a rival to the Flat Chest Body Mod. It was a project Julien (or Pinky) mentioned multiple times in the past - to offer people to do what they can do irl: bind their breasts.

They are different mods. Who serve different purposes. Who cover different needs. The Flat Chest as a body mod is permanent - it's the equivalent of having done top surgery. The Wearable Flat Chest is a binder, it serves the purpose of emulating someone wearing a binder in real life.

Not everyone can afford top surgery. Not everyone wants top surgery. And some people do want to have their chest permanently flat. To accuse someone - who has continuously provided and speaking up in favor of trans inclusive mods in this community - of "just avoiding the flat chest to be petty" is misinformed at best, pernicious at worst (my take? it's the latter).

Binders are not costumes. Having a flat chest and being androgynous are not requirements for considering oneself non-binary. I'm latine, in an incredibly transphobic country and culture, with a third world country economy: I cannot afford top surgery, I sometimes wonder if it's worth the physical and social risk, and frankly I'm not too keen on the post-op of top surgery yet. When I put on a binder, am I wearing a costume? Am I just pretending to be trans? To be non-binary? Because that's what this sentence implies.

Maybe someone else prefers a body permanently flat. Maybe the implication of "equipping" a flat chest in game is dysphoric to them. And that's okay. What is not okay is to continuously talk shit against someone who's trying to expand trans inclusiveness in this space, and keep finding ways to meddle with their work out of this stupid mindset that this is a competition.

People eat the cake with taste they like better. Some of them might even enjoy the two flavors. Stop trying to turn this into a single dessert just because you're upset the other cake exists.