#ehhhh it happens when it happens i guess

[mayullla]

I just read through your OG works and I have to say omg they are so good! I feel like a hungry person who finally had a good meal but I’m still starving for more! I esp loved the yandere kitsune, ice spirit, and yandere hero vale! I really hope to see more from you in the future! Also I hope you’re ok and the break is not from something bad :(

HDAJSAKDKDHD Super happy that you like them, especially the ice spirit yandere!! And yeah I am doing... "alright" I guesssss

Nothing bad necessarily happened physically I just so happened to realize that my mind is unconsciously placing itself a bad place again for unknown reasons. I kind of need a break from tumblr not only from writing but also the app but all media in general really. But other than that uni started for me again so instead of writing fics I need to read and write essays and reports which like yayyyy /very sarcastic.

[fettery-fetterie]

I ought you to understand this is gonna be a mess all the way through. Anyways

I guess I could describe it as like....tortino is a confident woman, which knows her status and her skill; she's a bit blunt on mannerisms(?) but ultimately doesn't mean harm, in fact, she puts credit where credit is due. She holds pride to herself without being egocentric, she holds knowledge to herself while sharing as much as she can

Does that make sense? Is that a good way to describe her?

Anyways,

I also really like how she like. Whenever is confused over what hlev says she doesn't really seem to mind? Or rather, she just kinda brushes it off? I feel if you ask somebody else they'd be like "oh it's bc she's his boss and has to act relatively nice to him". But I feel the real answer is just..."I am in no place to judge because I would/did the same"

-

It's the "cherish being able to know things" bit that just drives me mad. Like leaving well behind the fact it could just be a reference line. Of course she'd believe that. Of course she'd know how wonderful it is to hold knowledge. Of course she'd believe it's joy and something to cheer to

It's just...it makes perfect sense that her drive to be a photoslav comes from the yearning of knowledge, from innate human curiosity

Which like, to how I see myth hunting in general (the one for games anyways) is like that: humans being curious about the world they're surrounded in, which drives them to unravel what lines beneath

Tortino feels like that. She's doing this for sheer curiosity, she wants to know more about the world she lives in, thus, she takes on herself the task of revealing truth about incomprehensible, potentially paranormal phenomena.

(if so, why not go to sciences? Be a researcher? Well this is still an absurdist game about gta myth hunting it only makes sense she's insane. But my point stands)

I'd also like to say how she doesn't keep knowledge to herself, she shares what she sees and what she experiences/ed, cherishing being able to know things comes from the desire to know and the desire to share such

What's the point of holding knowledge if you don't give it to someone? What's the point of knowing something so niche only a few will truly get what it's about, and never telling? It's the worst kind of gatekeeping

Shared knowledge is double the knowledge, if you will

(also yeah it's literally bc she's the written tutorial for half the levels but. What I mean is that it would've been very easy to write her as a shitty boss who couldn't give less of a fuck about what hlev knows or gets to know

However, she expressed herself pretty clearly, and the information so far has been perfectly fine

Idk, I feel she understands how she is the mentor, and seems not opposed to that idea-

Because, like, as literally one of the CEOs of -what seems to be- a huge company. Why would she go out of her way to not only personally hire, but also train a new guy who might as well be a nobody? Like. What's the point of that? Surely she must have wayyyy better stuff to do, right?

Either this is for a very elaborate and complicated plan, or she simply feels compelled to do this. Both are vague ideas, but I feel the latter might be the case here. At least regarding her character)

-

I kinda get how someone like her would forget basic details about super myths. But it's still weird bc she still like. Says very clearly what the second quirk is

"I think it activates in response to something" my ass you know damn well the shield activates with the dash

And I feel it's just even more obvious when she just goes "y'know, don't even worry, you'll figure it out" ma'am those were obnoxiously easy clues what are you on

This either means she

A. Can't make connections that fast (likely but also not bc half her field is about making the most batshit insane connections ever known)

B. She genuinely forgot (💀)

Or C. She was testing hlev and she failed at making it even remotely challenging (bad liar teorija?)

It's even EVEN more obvious when she just goes back to having pretty clear info like COME ONNNNN

I don't really have much to say here honestly it's just. Really silly lmao

-

She looks more comfortable and relaxed on big myth co, actually. That's cute

I guess at this point she starts to loosen up when it comes to hlev's skill? She has seen what hlev's capable of: "you've proven your metal a few times now on the job". I think she may start trusting hlev from this point on

Trust as in hlev might not need to be guided anymore, or at least not as heavily

I guess you could also make the argument that she starts trusting him on a more personal level too, something something about finding someone who can understand her own insanity and whatnot. Match her freak, if you will

It's still too early to call that yet tho. But maybe in the future

-

Yeah see this is what I meant when I said she puts credit where credit is due. "Damn, you're good. This is why we hired you for the job. Keep it up and you'll even surpass me."

Like. Like c'mon. That's one hell of a compliment alright? Have the very CEO of the company you just started working on tell you could even surpass her skill is just HUGE

And from the other side too, bc she doesn't seem like the kinda person to throw insanely huge compliments and comparisons like that

She knows she is a very skilled photoslav, which is why she feels confident mentoring a hiree about certain vague stuff. And when she notices the skill this guy has she goes and actively compliments it. And this is me skipping the part at that start of SRM bc she also praises it. Like cmonnnnnnnnnmmn

-

I think I'm done now. Ok. Yeah told you it was gonna be a mess

Hope you enjoyed reading this monster of a ramble tho!

[petew21-blog]

Healthcare insurance

Doctor Green approached his oncology patient in the ICU. The old man, Benedict Brown, suffering from lung cancer, was in the hospital for his late diagnosis of his condition, which wasn't improving.

Dr. Green:"Mr. Brown, I don't have very good news. The tumour is a small cell lung carcinoma. It is the direct result of your smoking. Unfortunately it is very aggressive and in your case has been diagnosed very late. We can offer you a support group along with some pain medication..."

Mr. Brown:"Are you JOKING ME?!? When I came months ago, you said it was just... eh ehh ehhhh cough cough... Just cough. And now you're telling me I'm gonna die?"

Dr. Green:"I'm very sorry sir. We did everything we could, but the diagnosis is final in this case and overall the condition can be hard to diagnose in early stages"

Mr. Brown:"You're just trying to get out of this so you won't feel guilty. For not treating me as you should. You turned me away and you know it damn well"

Dr. Green:"Sir, if there was something I could do, I would. But I am out of my options"

Mr. Brown smiled. "Oh there is one option. Come closer I can tell you. But send everyone away."

Dr. Green hesitated. But did as he said. Dr. Green sat down on a chair next to Mr. Green.

Dr. Green:"Ok. So tell me."

Mr. Brown grabbed Dr. Green's hand and started the incantation. Dr. Green could feel how the man's cold hands started getting warmer and warmer. And suddenly, he felt the warm presence all over his body.

Mr. Brown opened his eyes. He was sitting now and looking at the old man on the bed. He looked down and saw a white coat with a stethoscope around his neck. He inhaled a big ammount of air. "What a relief"

As soon as he said that, his old body started coding. He pushed the button and started doing a CPR. The doctors did what they could, but couldn't save the old man. Or atleast his body

But Mr. Brown didn't really care. Because he was now a young healthy doctor. And this time. He was gonna live his best life

Dr. Green:"What's happening?"

Mr. Brown:"Ahh, you're here too? You were supposed to die in my body. Oh well, I guess I can handle one black passenger."

Dr. Green:"How did you do this? Mr. Brown, you have to get out of my body!!!"

Mr. Brown:"You know what? I don't have to get out. This is my body now. And I'm gonna enjoy it"

Mr. Brown:"Fuck yeah, look at me in these sunglasses and a vest. Now your body has atleast some style, doctor. You should thank me. You were in desperate need of a makeover."

Dr. Green:"My wife will know it's not me. She will figure it out"

Mr. Brown:"Right. She won't last with me for too long. I can tell you that"

Mr. Brown:"The same goes for your job. I won't stay in healthcare with a body like this. That would be a waste of time. Now, I really wanna smoke so bad."

He got out of the car and lit a cigarette. He coughed

Dr. Green:"My body isn't used to it. You can't smoke"

Mr. Brown:"Oh don't worry about it. I'll get used to it pretty soon. Also, I don't need to smoke right now. Just need it to get some photos for Grindr"

Dr. Green:"Grindr? Isn't that for gay people?"

Mr. Brown:"Great job, Dr. Green. Exactly"

Mr. Brown:"Man, look at me. I look good. The jeans, the leather. The smoke. I look so fucking good. Thanks for the body doc. Since you killed mine. Oh yeah. Look at that. That's the one for Grindr"

Dr. Green couldn't believe what was happening. His own body was smoking and doing things he would never do. He was controlled by someone else, possibly forever. What was he gonna do? He can't stay like this forever. But what if he has to?

In the nearby alley the two men were kissing passionately. The younger one pushed the other against the wall, pressing his hard dick against his.

The man:"Aren't you a bit young for me?"

Mr. Brown laughed:"Well. What can I say? I'm an old soul"

Could you make a story in which a man who suffers from lung cancer takes revenge on his young doctor for not being able to cure him, possessing him and turning him into a smoker and gay? You could do the perspective of the old man in his new body and the young doctor being possessed and forced to see his changed appearance. I really like this guy by the way. https://www.tumblr.com/male-meat-suit/724018661918195712/maybe-a-story-with-this-one?source=share

[wolfiesmoon]

Deal or no deal

Azul x gn!reader

finally writing for my baby boy azul, i can't believe it took this long since i am an azul girlie myself

a very funny silly definitely innocent business man methinks

"First, tell me what you desire. We can take it from there." Azul smiled slyly, interlocking his hands as he leaned on his elbows.

You were currently located in his private office, about to sign a contract with him. You had to think long and hard about coming to him, but you figured that if anyone can fulfill your wish, it would be Azul. You feel kind of guilty asking him for this in the first place.

You see, you've been in love with Azul for a good amount of time now, but are too afraid to make a move. You beat yourself up for being such a coward every day, and even moreso right now because you're about to ask him if he can make "someone you've had your eye on" fall in love with you. You're not sure what exactly he does to make it happen, but you hope it's doable without much instructions on your end. Desperate times call for desperate measures.

Though you still feel like a bit of a villain for doing this at all.

Your guilt and nerves are probably showing in your body language, too. Which you suppose only makes Azul more interested in learning what you desire. You can practically feel the grins on the Leech twin's faces, too. It's like they genuinely like seeing you nervous and scared.

Why are they even here, anyways?

"I want... someone to fall in love with me. Someone who I've had my eye on for a while now." you fidget with your fingers, unable to look Azul in the eye when you say this.

"That's..." he tried his best to hold back from laughing but a snort escaped from his lips anyways. "Forgive the reaction, your wish was just... unexpected."

You suppose he thought your wish would be more sinister because of your body language. Or way more embarrasing. But still...

"Ehhhh, I didn't know Shrimpy was in love..." Floyd's eyes were slightly widened but his creepy grin was still as wide as ever. "It is quite surprising, indeed." Jade added on. By the suspicously calm way they're acting, you have no idea if the twins already know about your little crush and are just acting along or if they're actually surprised.

"Yeah, uhhh, I guess that's it?..." you had no idea what else to tell him. You just hope that this can be over as soon as possible since things are getting really awkward.

"I can certainly do something for you. Tell me, what is their name? They attend this school, I assume." Azul seemed delighted. Probably because that means he'll get free labour from you as a collateral. You don't have any magic to offer him, after all.

"T... their name? Is that required?" You froze up. There's no way you can say that. That would be the worst way for your feelings to get outed, ever. You suppose it makes sense, though. He can't do anything if he doesn't know who you're in love with.

"But of course it is. Don't worry, judgement has no place in business affairs." He smiled reassuringly at you. You felt your face heat up. No, no, nope. You can't do this. Not like this.

"You know what.... Never mind. I can't do it." You abruptly stood up from the cushy office chair, apologising curtly before practically bolting out of his office.

"Oh my god, that was so bad... oh my god..." you mumbled to yourself when you were out of Octavinelle. You just royally embarrased yourself in front of your crush.

Was it obvious?

.

"What was that about?" Floyd pouted at the direction of the door, which you left slightly ajar in your panic to escape the situation as soon as possible.

"Hmmm... how odd." Jade looked deep in thought about something.

"This is why I tell you to stop coming to my office when I'm trying to make a deal. You scared the poor thing off." Azul shook his head dissaprovingly.

"That wasn't our fault. Shrimpy was acting super weird the whole time anyways." Floyd defended himself and his brother.

"I suppose you're right..." Azul took a deep breath, seemingly... relieved? Not about the fact you ran away, but still relieved for some reason.

Jade made a realisation. "Oh. I see. I see."

He smiled knowingly at Azul, who raised a brow. "What is it? Is there something on my face?"

"No, it's nothing. Don't worry."

Azul gets the feeling that Jade knows something, but doesn't want to tell him.

"If you say so."

[lucky-clover-gazette]

kings rising highlights & annotations

chapter 14

indented text is from the book. some quotes have commentary, some do not. some comments are serious, and some are definitely not. most of them will only make sense to people who have read the series. and, like, there are spoilers. so please read the books first if you're interested!

also: part of the reason i'm doing such a close reading is to study cs pacat's style, especially in terms of how she does romance and erotica. there are "craft notes" that might seem weird, like i'm being redundant or restating something rather than analyzing, but those are more things that i want to remember/take away from the writing!

i'm going to tag these longer posts with "sam reads capri" in case anyone wants to read them all at once.

this is a google doc i wrote with overall content warnings for the captive prince series. it's not perfect, but i do think it's important to include.

Because he couldn't put Jokaste in a sack and carry her bodily across the border into Kastor’s territory, the journey presented certain logistical challenges.

In order to justify two wagons and an entourage, they would be pretending to be cloth merchants. This disguise was not going to stand up to any serious scrutiny.

well, actually...

Laurent wandered in and outlined a plan so outrageous that Damen had said yes with the feeling that his mind was splitting apart.

i’ve said the thing about laurent and tabletop rpgs before but UGH. he’d be living his best life

Jord who had won short sword, Lydos of the trident, Aktis the spear thrower, the young, triple-crowned Pallas, Lazar, who had whistled at him,

i like how everyone has qualifications except for lazar, whose identifying quality is that he is gay

Laurent’s addition to the expedition was Paschal, and Damen tried not to think too deeply about the reasons why Laurent thought it necessary to bring a physician.

LMAOOOOO

And if the worst happened, Guion’s testimony had the potential to bring down the Regency. Laurent had said all of this succinctly, and told Guion, in a pleasant voice, ‘Your wife can chaperone Jokaste on the journey.’

wait does damen not even know what the testimony is? iirc guion told it to laurent off the page, after the chair scene. is it the thing about the regent killing the former king, or was that paschal’s piece of the trial? do both of them say it? whatever, the trial stuff is fun but i’m not that determined to work it all out ahead of time. it was a lot more rewarding to that with laurent’s perspective, especially earlier on, but ehhhh here i’m going to take it easy

Guion had understood more quickly than Damen.

shocking (sorry damen)

‘I see. My wife is the leverage for my good behaviour?’ ‘That’s right,’ said Laurent.

when does loyse talk to laurent? does she ever, or does she just speak at the trial uncalled for? guess we’ll see and i’ll trace back what i think probably led to it

Damen watched from a second-storey window as they gathered in the courtyard: two wagons, two noblewomen, and twelve soldiers of whom ten were soldiers and two were Guion and Paschal in metal hats.

He was waiting for Laurent to arrive in order to discuss the finer points of his ridiculous plan.

Laurent was standing in the doorway wearing a chiton of unadorned white cotton. Damen dropped the pitcher. It shattered, shards flying outward as it slipped from his fingers and hit the stone floor. Laurent’s arms were bare. His throat was bare. His collarbone was bare, and most of his thighs, his long legs, and all of his left shoulder. Damen stared at him. ‘You’re wearing Akielon clothing,’ said Damen. ‘Everyone’s wearing Akielon clothing,’ said Laurent. Damen thought that the pitcher had shattered and he could not now take a deep draught of the wine. Laurent came forward, navigating the broken ceramic in his short cotton and sandalled feet, until he reached the seat beside Damen, where the map was laid out on the wooden table. ‘Once we know the rotation of the patrols, we’ll know when to approach,’ said Laurent. Laurent sat down. ‘We need to approach at the beginning of their rotation in order to give us the most time before they report back to the fort.’ It was even shorter sitting down. ‘Damen.’ ‘Yes. Sorry,’ said Damen. And then: ‘What were you saying?’ ‘The patrols,’ said Laurent.

damen can you PLEASE focus.

(this is part of why the baby thing doesn’t work for me. if this is a lighter comedy interlude, why is the baby meant to be understood as a dire, war-altering problem? and if it is a serious dire situation, why are we getting this moment straight out of a fanfic? i know damen is horny despite the horrors and it’s a treat for the reader, but i guess i’m just built different because this moment really does not do anything for me. although to be fair i think that’s partially just because i’m apparently sensitive to instances of laurent being reduced to his body and sexuality, or at least in a way that he is not aware of—see my chapter 12 analysis for the most blatant example. reminds me of the time last week that my mom said on the phone “you only want people to like you on your own terms,” which is a very accurate and damning statement tbh)

They had only twelve soldiers. Twelve-ish, amended Damen, thinking of Paschal and Guion.

AGAIN?? brutal. also i like the “ish,” it’s a little anachronistic and very charming

Vannes could handle Makedon, Laurent said.

i want more laurent and vannes interaction…

The soldiers only needed to know their own roles in the enterprise, and Damen’s briefing to them was short. But Nikandros was his friend, and he deserved to know how they would get across the border. So he told him Laurent’s plan.

honestly damen i think it would be a mercy not to tell him

‘It’s dishonourable,’ said Nikandros.

nikandros private twitter complaint #13. also akielions don't know what "honor" means

‘I wish to restate my strong objection,’ said Nikandros. ‘It’s noted,’ said Damen.

and there's #14

the awkward mien of his own soldiers, who had had to be schooled multiple times not to call him ‘Exalted’

clearly they did not attend the lamen school of committing to the bit

‘Your reports are wrong. The Lady Jokaste is in that wagon.’ There was a pause. ‘In that wagon.’ ‘That’s right.’ Another pause. Damen, who was telling the truth, looked back at the Captain with the steady gaze he had learned from Laurent. It didn’t work. ‘I’m sure the Lady Jokaste won’t mind answering a few questions.’

he rolled like a 9 for persuasion

He was red-faced and sweating slightly. ‘At the Lady’s request, I will ride with you personally through the last of the checkpoints, to ensure that you are not stopped again.’ ‘Thank you, Captain,’ said Damen, with great dignity.

i love that pacat didn’t tell us what the plan was, so we could worry for a second that they'd already failed. and then, this

‘The stories of Lady Jokaste’s beauty are not exaggerated,’ said the Captain, man-to-man, as they wound their way across the countryside. ‘I expect you to speak of the Lady Jokaste with the greatest respect, Captain,’ said Damen. ‘Yes, of course, my apologies,’ said the Captain.

“that’s my fucking DIVORCE HUSBAND”

He said, ‘How did you convince Jokaste to play along with the guards?’ ‘I didn’t,’ said Laurent. He tossed the wad of blue silk in his hands to one of the soldiers to dispose of, then shrugged into his jacket in a rather mannish gesture. Nikandros was staring at him. ‘Don’t think about it too much,’ said Damen.

i love the way “mannish gesture” is specified. like he can do both. good for him.

(this is sooooo botw/totk link. anyway)

Laurent held out his hand to escort her back from the supply wagon into the main wagon, a bored Veretian gesture. Her eyes had the same bored look as she took his hand. ‘You’re lucky we’re alike,’ she said, stepping down. They looked at one another like two reptiles.

they should be best friends

‘Keep the wagons on course,’ Damen said to Nikandros. ‘I’ll be swift, and I’ll take our best rider with me.’ ‘That’s me,’ said Laurent, wheeling his horse.

“and our horses are canonically in love. just in case you’ve forgotten”

Sweeping a branch out of his face, Damen said, ‘I thought when I was King I wouldn’t be doing this kind of thing again.’ ‘You underestimated the demands of Akielon kingship,’ said Laurent.

i love prince's gambit

‘The undergrowth was thinner when I was a boy.’ ‘Or you were.’

did laurent just call him thicc

‘Stop,’ said Laurent. Damen stopped. Following Laurent’s gaze, he saw a dog lounging on its chain near a small penned field full of horses on the west side of the estate.

me when i want to pet a dog

‘I’ll take care of the sentries,’ said Laurent. ‘You left the dress in the wagon,’ said Damen. ‘Thank you, I do have other ways of getting past a sentry.’

The light through the trees dappled Laurent’s hair, which was longer now than it had been in the palace, and showing signs of minor disarray. It had a twig in it.

how dare that twig mess with laurent’s gorgeous hair!!!

There was no sign of a blond head, but somehow the dog got loose and went streaking through the yard to where the unfamiliar horses were penned.

dog = pet

The spasming excitement of the dog egged them on. As did the sylph-like actions of a ghost, untying ropes, slipping open rails.

laurent is an animal whisperer. that’s a personal headcanon of mine

They probably felt they had the most to lose, but in fact everyone would lose the same thing: their lives. Everyone but Jokaste. She only said, mildly, ‘Trouble at Heston’s?’

i love jokaste. spinoff please

And then he saw the pale head, and the paler white shirt, a lithe figure palming his way from tree trunk to tree trunk. ‘You’re late,’ said Damen. ‘I brought you a souvenir.’ Laurent tossed Damen an apricot. Damen could feel the quiet exultation of Laurent’s men, while the Akielons looked a little dazed. Nikandros passed Laurent his reins. ‘Is this how you do things in Vere?’ ‘You mean effectively?’ said Laurent. And swung up onto his horse.

i’m sad that this series is best known for being horny because i am infinitely more interested in laurent being a snarky action hero than i am in him having sex. and i think lots of other people would be too

Risk of laming was high

i read that as “lamen-ing” at first

Earlier, Laurent had tossed Damen his bedroll and said, ‘Unpack this,’ and Pallas had almost challenged him to a duel for the insult.

Sitting down and eating cheese casually with their King was not something that they knew how to do.

i cannot believe people in the fandom would apparently rather live in akielos than in vere. in akielos, you’re not allowed to acknowledge the humanity of people beneath your class, which as far as i can tell is determined by birth. in vere, people like jord and laurent are homies who mutually respect each other, and you can social climb your way to the high court by giving good head

Laurent strolled up to the impasse, threw himself down on the log next to Damen, and in an expressionless voice launched into the story of the brothel adventure that had earned him the blue dress, which was so unabashedly filthy it made Lazar blush, and so funny it had Pallas wiping his eyes.

i love laurent of vere

‘You smell of horse,’ said Damen. ‘It’s how I got past the dog.’ He felt a throb of happiness, and said nothing, just lay on his back and looked up at the stars. ‘It’s like old times,’ said Damen, though the truth was, he had never really had times like this.

damen are you forgetting prince’s gambit again

‘My first trip to Akielos,’ said Laurent. ‘Do you like it?’ ‘It’s like Vere, with fewer places to have a bath,’ said Laurent.

yeah i’m sure that’s not the sum of his thoughts, but he’s trying to take it easy

‘You want me wandering around the Akielon countryside naked at night?’ And then, ‘You smell just as much of horse as I do.’ ‘More,’ said Damen. He was smiling.

laurent: if you want me to get naked you’re going to have to do it too damen: bet

‘They’re Artesian. Aren’t they? From the old empire, Artes. They say it used to span both our countries.’ ‘Like the ruins at Acquitart,’ said Laurent. He didn’t say, And at Marlas. ‘My brother and I used to play there as boys. Kill all the Akielons and restore the old empire.’ ‘My father had the same idea.’ And look what happened to him. Laurent didn’t say that either.

you just know child laurent used history books and his imagination to construct a sophisticated and complex narrative for him and auguste to play-act

His pulse beat with uncharacteristic nerves, so that he felt almost shy. ‘When all this is over . . . we could take horses and stay a week in the palace.’ Since their night together in Karthas, he hadn’t dared to speak about the future. He felt Laurent holding himself carefully, and there was a strange pause. After a moment, Laurent said, softly, ‘I’d like that.’ Damen rolled onto his back again, and felt the words like happiness as he let himself look up again at the wide sweep of stars.

i think it’s sweet how nervous and awkward they are about admitting the desire to do something this simple, when they’ve had the most complicated and intensely intimate relationship i’ve ever read in fiction

[starmonsterrr]

[ * Introduction post i guess??? Erm... Anyway HELLO WORLD ]

[ * With a sudden influx of people following this blog and catching me by surprise, I figured out it would be a good idea to make an intro post about myself. Fun i guess? ]

[ * Anyways, please refer to me as Io or Aurum! Either way works! ]

[ * Identity things? I guess? ]

[ * My pronouns are it/its and I identify as stargender! ]

[ * I am also non-human, though I recognize that (to my dismay) I have the body of one. (No shade to physical nonhumans of any type though!!! You creatures are awesome!!!!) ]

[ * Further elaborating, I'm otherkin (dragon), therian (silver fox), and fictionkin (well... OCkin. And it's Io! info post link here). ]

[ * I also happen to be the host of what very likely seems to be a system, though luckily for me a small one (as far as me and the one other known member, Atramentum, are aware). I seem to be always in near complete control apparently??? But Atty has gained more control unintentionally before. Not enough for either of us to call it fronting or co-fronting but. Control nonetheless over the meat machine?? Ehh, they're a guy that exists ]

[ * Hobbies!!!!! ]

[ * The main thing you'll see is drawings. Many drawings. I enjoy drawing a lot! I have been drawing ever since I have memory. I also occasionally compose music and write, but I have yet to post any of that in this blog... ]

[ * And I also animate! Because of the effort it takes, it is quite rare to see me posting animations. But I still do it! I have a YouTube channel dedicated to it, in fact. You can find some of my animations there. ]

[ * Fandoms!!!! ]

[ * My primary fandom is the UTMV and has been for three years as of 29/07/2024! As such this blog is near entirely centered on it. I may occasionally reblog stuff from other fandoms, though I don't see UTMV getting overthrown as my current main interest anytime soon. ]

[ * Miscellaneous things? (Extra info, tags, links, cool looking badge thingies I find online) ]

[ * I'm Ink's wife and girlfriend (in a non-binary way if that makes any sense) for all eternity (/srs), and I post about that fairly often I think ]

[ * I also enjoy being an astronomical level of cringe... And I refuse to apologize for it. In fact if you dare insult me for it, or for anything really, I will channel the hatred into more cringepower. Cringe culture is dead and I am mauling its corpse :3 (That is an AMAZING quote. Might put it as a blog title eventually) ]

[ * Tags I use (recalling from memory... May miss a few.) ]

#corv reblogs

#corv friend interactions

#corv gets an ask

#corv draws • (usually full drawings)

#corv doodles • (low-quality drawings usually made for silly reasons)

#corv rambles about lore

#corv's io • (posts about Io)

#corv's aurum • (posts about Aurum)

#the starry night (selfship) • (Ink x Io)

#corv doodle request • (doodle requests I draw)

#corv doodle request status • (status updates for when I open and close doodle requests)

#corv & corvpany • (silly plurality stuff)

[ * Stuff I'm working on ]

OuterRenaissance (Undertale AU, Outertale variant) (has an official blog! @outerrenaissance though I gotta actually get started using it.)

Some info on star-born monsters! I think.

[ * Links for things ]

[ * About Io (UTMV self-insert, sona number 1) ]

[ * About Aurum (UTMV meta ""self-insert""??? lives outside UTMV technically but still interacts with it, also sona number 2) (NEEDS MAJOR-ISH DESIGN UPDATE) ]

[ * About Therian!Ink ]

[ * My Youtube channel ]

[ * Cool looking badges/user boxes!!!!! ]

[ * And lastly... ]

[ * Please, do NOT interact with me if you... ]

[ * originally this was a list but ehhhh ]

[ * AI image generators can go to the ninth circle of hell though ]

[ * just pls don't harass people... And don't drag me into any kind of discourse (Yup that includes shipcourse)...... Also don't be a bigot ]

(regarding shipcourse, if you THAT badly need to know, I think there's some heavy case-by-case nuance. Not everyone processes dark fiction well, but those who do I have no problem with them engaging with it however they want)

[ * I'm too tired on a daily basis to go around checking everyone's DNIs so wahhhh ]

[ * That's pretty much it! Have a nice day! ]

[astral-crab]

(episode 5 spoilers)

okay okay okay so

they said it was agatha’s trial because of the blood moon and the veil of death etc. but….is it? isn’t rio supposedly some kind of death witch? where the hell was she at the end of the trial? she never came out of the treehouse.

what if it’s actually her trial. maybe…there’s a chance she could bring alice back. maybe that’s the test.

I CAN HOPE, OKAY.

after watching a second time i’m feeling more like the stuff post-trial might actually be real and not some wild hallucination. agatha was clearly distraught, also clearly having some uhhh feelings about having power again (until it evaporated), and then after the trauma of her mother’s ghost and unintentionally killing alice, teen comes out to yell at her, and agatha clearly switches into trauma defense mode, which for her is fight, aka her being as nasty and psychologically damaging as possible (bet she learned that from her asshole mother). agatha hurts people to keep them from hurting her, to keep from feeling the pain and guilt of the hurt she’s caused. so first time i watched, it it all seemed very fast, but rewatching it i can see more nuance and i’m not as convinced that it was all still part of the trial. butttt idk the teen throwing everyone into the death swamp bit still makes me question. (hmmmm what if it was his trial?)

related tho, everybody seemed to be having some sudden personality switches when discussing how to punish agatha. like they all got mean in a way that seemed very 90s horror movie to me. so like was that an acting/directing choice for fun and camp? or was something happening like idk them being possessed? or the road/trial influencing them maybe? but idk because in the other trials they’ve all seemed like themselves. in episode 5 they seemed to break character, acting like middle school mean girls.

on another topic, when teen is like “that’s all this has ever been about for you” referring to power….bad line. like he literally was trying to convince agatha to take him on the road TO GET HER POWER BACK. so him acting all betrayed like that makes no sense. he never thought she was going for any other reason. he’s not that naive. even if he thought she was starting to care about him, that doesn’t change anything. what other reason would agatha be going for???? she went because rio sent the salem seven after her and she had no power to protect herself and no way to escape them. what else would agatha even want from the road? ESPECIALLY someone who says he’s studied agatha and is acting like such a fanboy up until now. he should fucking know who she is, what she’s after, and what she’s capable of.

soooo unless the whole point was that he’s been purposely manipulating her (and everyone else) the whole time…it makes no sense for him to say that. but if he HAS been manipulating her this whole time, why did he have such an intense reaction when agatha turned on him and said “you’re just like your mother”? like, i read that as him losing his shit. if his whole baby-witch-betrayed-by-his-hero thing was an act, why would he lose control like that? i guess you could argue she still hit a nerve, but ugh. i’m just not buying that teen/billy was faking the fanboy thing.

like, is he supposed to be a villain?? ehhhh really dunno about that.

it does make more sense now that teen actually could break wanda’s spell over agatha. since he’s billy.

but like…agatha knew who he was the whole time? how? how would it even occur to anyone that wanda’s mindstone-fueled trauma-induced westview-hex child could somehow be alive in the real world (and oddly three years older than he should be because the westview twins were ten years old)? and agatha was under a mind control spell that whole time. she’s barely had time to get used to being herself again. she tried to drive a fake car in episode 2 because the lingering bits of the spell were still messing with her for fuck’s sake.

i wonder if teen cast the sigil on himself. hmmmm.

idk man what the fuck.

alice :(

[tideswept]

15 questions for 15 friends

I was tagged by a few people, so~here we go!

1. Are you named after anyone?

Kinda! I was supposed to be born a boy, and absolutely nothing was prepared for me when I turned out to be female. And mom went "I like my sister's name" and named me that. (This caused a lot of drama.) So I wasn't named after her per se but....

I ... I was almost a Peter.

2. When was the last time you cried?

Few weeks ago.

3. Do you have kids?

4. What sports do you play/ have you played?

None tbh other than what I was forced to in school. Oh. OH WAIT SWIMMING IS A SPORT. Okay. Yeah. I did a lot of that. I just, uh, never view it that way?

5. Do you use sarcasm?

... having a small crisis upon the realization that I rarely do these days. god what happened to me I was such a sarcastic little demon I'm all EARNEST now

6. What's the first thing you notice about people?

Hair. Weird thing, right? Mostly because I'm always impressed by how people can keep their hair tamed. (me, with curly hair: [despair]) Followed quickly by body language.

7. What's your eye colour?

Brown! I'm told it looks green up close but ehhhh. (doubt)

8. Scary movies or happy endings?

Scary movies! Or, you know, scary movies with (relative) happy endings are also good!

9. Any talents?

I have a knack for detecting accents/identifying languages and having a general, if not specific, idea of where people are from. I also have a scarily good aim. (though my form is atrocious and under no circumstances should ever be mimicked)

I'm also a pretty decent cook! Bit hit or miss as a baker, though.

10. Where were you born?

Venezuela!

11. What are your hobbies?

Writing, gaming, reading, cooking, being a lil' nerdy about Disney comics and Disney history overall. Obsessively analyzing data.

12. Do you have any pets?

I point you upwards! Big one is Jupiter (ASH) and the small one is Saturn (Russian Blue). Both of them are about 13 years old.

13. How tall are you?

5'2... and a half. (It counts!) [158cm]

14. Favourite subject in school?

English, since it gave me an excuse to read and tune out everything else lmao. (I was often bullied, or, I guess, attempted, once I got into a book you could scream in my ear and I was full Helen Keller. Who? What? Don't care.) ♥ Depending on the teacher, I also really liked history and science! Basically, as long as I don't have to do math and the teacher wasn't a bitter monster, I enjoyed the subject.

15. Dream job?

Ethnologist! Oh my god, I'd be so delighted to get to nerd out like that! ♥ With the rise of various internet cultures I think, more than ever, we could really use more of them around. It's such an interesting thing to do to be able to delve in order to contrast and compare, to find links and reasons for variances, commonalities, schisms--all of them. There's so much data available online, and it paints such a colorful, and sometimes tragic, implications that extend far into our burgeoning global identity and--

I'll shush. 👀

Tagging: @scatteredheroes @irrationalsense @dark--whisperings @aigoos @gretchenzellerbarnes @qed23 @mollysunder @mari-lwyd-fannibal-blog @skyerie @minimal23 @ellelans @mutteringretreats1 and anyone who hasn't yet gotten tagged/wants to do it!

[triglycercule]

ughhh god me and the innate attraction to fill out a random ass ship chart every 6 months. i did this before but it wasn't detailed enough so i hated this. i THINK this is detailed enough i don't know i actually doubt it. i saw something doing this chart for bsp and then i wanted to do it for mtt poly vut then i literally forgot who did it originally 😭😭😭

doing the bottom left section was cracking me up because killer is such an enigma. "be nice!" and then "but also treat me like shit!" what a goddamn freak bro he needs get shipped off to therapy. and then its something nice and fluffy like physical affection and then it immediately 180s to emotional vulnerability. like hello pick a side you fucking freak. and for the slidey bar ones notice how killer is almost ALWAYS on one of the ends??? he has to be one of the extremes or else he dies it seems.

the closeness over time chart 😭😭 they doNOT get along. i was gonna put another dip near the end but i was like "ehhhh they have more than enough issues the people will get it". also for the bugs one i think dust would love bugs. hes very used to them and even made friends with some. but horror would HATE THEM. all the bugs died out in horrortales famine so he hasn't seem em in a couple years. so when he does its a whole ass jumpscare

GODDD i love qpr horrordust. theyre soooo qpr coded my queerplatonic freaks. bitches. i like how on the love languages chart each of the mtt satisfies one of the others. none of them would get gifts theyre too fucked up and lazy 4 that. horror would be confused if someone gave him a gift (horrortale w/ alizas ketchup thing) killer would just forget about it or ditch it in a few days. and then dust would actually accept it but he wouldn't know wtf to do with it if it doesn't have an obvious use

for strategist/impulsive I WAS STRUGGLING. because like all of these bitches are cunning AND emotional. horror is definition of sceming from the sides but he also has his outbursts. dust is always planning ahead but like horror he has outbursts. i guess killer isn't a strategist bc he just always has a vibe of whats gonna happen but (not so surprisingly) he has outbursts even if he claims hes not emotional. so i had to choose,,,,,

i was also tempted to just put them all at arrogant. because they're definitely all stuck up assholes. but i was like nahhhhh... horror's the only one that would be regularly arrogant. dust's just self assured and confident whilr killer has no idea when hes even being arrogant

music category ehehehe. horror would LOVE natural sounds like rain and leaves rustling bc its not too overwhelming for his screwed up processing thanks ti his head damage. dust would totally listen to undertale osts if they existed in utmv. also other osts. i think he would totally be a gamer. also classical music. and killer has no preference (just like everything in his damn life FORM YOUR OWN OPINIONS YOU BITCH!!!!)

i think this just cemented my stance on arohorror acedust and go with the flow killer. killer would have absolutely zero preference on ANYTHING became he genuinely does not give two fucks. and for arohorror (you can't spell horror with ro. which is in aromatic. woahhhh) i just think he would be icked out by romantic handholding and dates and stuff. it just feels RIGHT. but he'd be decently ok with tangoing. and dust is just the opposite. he'd be uncomfortable and grossed out by sexual behaviors but he'd absolutely be a romantic. i think dust would be a romantic he just gives off those vibes. as a person on the ace and maybe aro spectrum i have to blast my favs with the aroace beam. it's just mandatory

[underwater0firework]

I think one of the main problems with MHA is that it's not anti-establishment enough. Like, in this era of media and pop culture, we (as viewers) are used to seeing stories of underdogs, of resistance groups fighting against authority. The most famous example of this would be Star Wars, which was commentary on the Vietnam War/Cold War. And then you have examples like the Hunger Games and the YA dystopia boom of the 2010s - all focused on resistance against government systems. (This of course, speaks towards the current sentiments on modern-day governments) I mean, hey, you've probably seen those cringy posts about "how does the government expect us to be complacent when we were raised by characters who resisted fascism." You know the ones.

While this genre of YA media is most prominent in western culture, MHA *has* become a part of mainstream western culture, due to its success. So many of the ppl active in the fandom, making fanworks, etc, are exposed to this trope as (mostly) the norm. And, in comparison to this trope, MHA just doesn't...sit right.

From the start, the world of MHA is flawed. I think everyone can agree with this. Quirkiness kids are bullied, one of the top heroes beats his children, there's an organization creating child soldiers, etc, etc. Hell, in the first episode, there's even a mention that literally every single kid wants to be a hero when they grow up! That can't be good for the economy, can it?

But instead of working to fix this, hori just gives us a worse evil to brand as the enemy. Asking the viewer to choose the best of two evils, hoping we will ignore problems like discrimination to overthrow the people who are literally making human puppets. Hori wants the world of MHA to appear "black and white" but really, it kinda just appears..."black and ehhhh...grey." Which, I mean, is quite realistic given our *current* world but...I guess it doesn't fit the genre? It's not satisfying, really. Or particularly well executed.

On top of this, the problems present in the hero world are ones that Hori's viewers might very easily relate to. Bullying, domestic violence, discrimination, even sexism (though that one is one that is VERY MUCH not deliberate on hori's part...ugh). Which is why, even though, realistically, Bakugou telling Izuku to k*** himself isn't worse than AFO making LITERAL MONSTERS OUT OF CORPSES, it feels that way. Because, y'know, I don't think any of the MHA viewers out there are at risk of being nomu-ified.

So, what happens? No matter how evil Hori tries to make Shiggy, people will still like him. Because he's not violent in a way that is relatable, he's just...edgy. And also hot as hell.

tl;dr? Hori created a morally grey world and refused to fix any of its problems, so we all simp for the murderous hand-man.

[pommunist]

I do wonder a little if the very different reactions to Pomme and Dapper's beds being included in the stream might in part be like... a difference in people used to seeing a new admin play an egg? The situations are very different and that should be acknowledged and looked at and even if as is likely the case QStudios owns all rights to the NPCs created for QSMP it would feel extremely icky to me to give Pomme especially a new admin. But at the same time... I do wonder if people more used to say, Chayanne, who has had 2 different main admins and been played by 4 or 5 different admins regularly enough the different forms have nicknames are more... accepting of the idea? Because the idea of an egg belonging only to the one actor is less comprehensible to them, as it's not what they're used to? Ramón's situation might be closer, but again 2 admins at least. Im almost certain I've seen Tallulah played by someone else when her admin was sick, and I've no doubt some of the other eggs have occassionally been played by others due to admin illness even if not long term.

(This is not to say it's main the issue (even without eggs being acted Sunny's admin should have known what was happening just for bigger issues with the stream alone - admin health and treatment is far more important than what they provide) I'm just. Trying to think of reasons why reactions I saw were as polarised as they were, with half my dash treating it like parading a corpse in the street and the other half like this was entirely expected and normal.)

Oh that’s a good question anon !!

First, the ownership of the characters is a tricky point that I don’t have an answer to as intellectual property laws are extremely complicated and not something I know much about tbh.

And on the topic of admin change, I think public reception depends a lot of the cause of said change : For example, when Ramon switched admins, huevitos were perfectly fine with it as it was assumed that the OG had taken a break for studying purposes so it was not a problem (turns out they were fired 🥲). It’s the same whenever an admin steps up to punctually or long term play another character because their admin is too busy with irl stuff, other work within Qstudios, is sick…. (like what I assume happened for Chayanne)

Pomme’s situation is different because of Lumi’s circumstances and the fact that she asked for her character to end with her leaving. Plus the fact that CCs have said before that they didnt want her to be replaced, even before that whole situation, I remember at least Antoine saying he would rather have Pomme dead than be played by someone else. I’d say the french speaking side got quite attached to her as, with all the sidelining we went through, both her character and admin were our only beacon of representation within Qstudios/QSMP 🥹

Also something that makes me kinda ehhhh about saying that there are people who are completely fine with admins changes because their fav character went through at least one is remembering the whole Pepito/otipep mess that had people go mad because Pepito had an admin change for a few days and they didn’t like the "new personnality" or whatever ? (Couldn’t tell the details of it as my spanish suck and Roier often streams in the middle of the night for me, but I remember the twitter shit storm)

Finally about the eggs being like kidnapped and in a coma (I think ? didn’t watch the stream) I guess it’s an okay way to put them on hold while sorting things out + an opportunity to explain in lore if you have to kill some because no more admins ? Or at least it would have been okay if all the eggs admins still working would have been made aware that their characters was being put on hold 😀

[bubblingcolaa]

Uhm.. I guess.. like.. TW: graphic descriptions of violence TW: implied death & blood/gore.? TW: spoilers. Yeah idk, just proceed with caution

.

.

Soo, I'm currently in the process of making an A.U. where the hunters "slowly" kill off everyone else and soon eachother and just.. death. It's all death.

I was just gonna info dump but unfortunately I'm sick and don't have the patience to draw everyone and their ghost designs. So I'd thought I'd just share what I have currently :) (also, I've only came up with the story as far as this so it works out.!)

First, an explanation of how I think ghosts work. (Sorry for crappy handwriting. Maybe I'll translate it later)

(*also forgot to mention that if the person is screaming when they die, it gets cut off and then finished by their ghost self. So it'd be like AAA- -AHH. kind of. Also, when the person gets into their ghost form, ((if it's not a slow death where they feel their consciousness slip away)), it feels like getting air after being suffocated :3)

Anywho, canon deaths are canon deaths. Basically in this a.u everything happened the same until the whole man hunt with Ralph (this is where Ralph actually got caught and his head got put on a stick.)

So here's mulberry!

And I didn't do piggy and Simon because I've been drawing piggy a lot so eh. And Simon has a lot of injuries/wounds and I don't feel like drawing that so yeah. Also, I didn't change much about their deaths.

Ralph is the same from my "ghost Ralph a.u." post. Although I forgot to mention that ghost Ralph's voice is very raspy and he can't raise his voice mainly because of his VOCAL CHORDS BEING SHREDDED.

Yeah.

Now, here's where it gets uhm.. gruesome.

The next person who I would imagine would die is Maurice.

(pretend like I added a hunter paint design. I've been meaning to do that but ehhhh I don't feel like it.)

I feel like Maurice would realize what the hunters is doing is really wrong, and tried to talk everyone out of it, trying to remind them that they're humans and that they don't kill people, but Jack ignored his rambling. And after a while, Jack got sick of his whining, and threats became actions, and he and Roger started to.. tear him apart, basically.

He's missing two fingers, a ear, a foot, a hand, and an eye. (He lost in that order.)

Don't know if I should make them have a merciful killing, by just like, stabbing Maurice in the heart or something to end his suffering, or for him to slowly die of infection, disease, and exsanguination. (Blood loss)

Uhm. Yeah. So, brutal.

I do have Sam and Eric's deaths made up but I don't really feel like drawing them. (Spoiler alert, they don't die together.)

So that's all I have for now, I'll keep yas updated!

[fruitybashir]

Can we pleasepleaseplease get another bareback smutfest punctuated with a bunch of "I love you"s? Chapter 16 was the end of me but that would be the end of afterlife-me. Thank you for sharing this masterpiece with us!

this literally made me laugh out loud (good)

thank you for being so enthusiastic about my porn i guess 🫶🏻😚����

ehhhh im not sure if thats gonna happen anywhere? not that im opposed to it or anything but just with the smut bits that i do have planned right now i just dont know if thats gonna be in there. we'll see though, who knows 🤷🏻‍♀️

with ch15 i didnt even plan that to be in there before halfway through the scene, it sorta just happened bc it fit the vibe? they were already halfway done and then i went like actually--- and went back up and added the bit with bojan stopping when he reaches for the condom and added some extra bits etc etc

so yeah! we'll see if it comes up again! im not opposed to it at all but im also not promising anything

[luffythinker]

NSFW BakuDeku

Bakugo and Deku first time being not good lmao like they go to have sex for the first time and one of them just isn't pleased enough and when their done they both lay there like "............." cause it wasn't really good cause they don't know eachother like that so how would they know how to please the other lol they get into knowing what eachother likes eventually but their first time is ass and it's not good both of them were too afraid to go inside so they just opted for frotting (i don't know what the fuck it's called when you rub your penis's together im a women i don't know) but Bakugo is out of sync and Deku isn't going to just "Hey, do better?" so he just let him do it and then when he was done Deku just got himself off and they both just laid there. AND BAKUGO KNOWS IT WASN"T GOOD and he knows Deku thinks Bakugo didn't do good enough so he's going to wanna do it again so he can make Deku think having sex with him is the best thing on this whole god damn planet and Deku is like "EHhhh alright i guess" but he's not complaining he isn't going to say it out loud he'll lie and say it was good but not "OMG that was so great" he just snuggles up to Bakugo and this feels like a second place to Bakugo and he's pissed but he's tired LMFAO

nsfw content !!

OMGKDFKJFDK i never really thought of that, i think this would happen if they rushed into sex as soon as they got together, because they really wouldn't know each other in that way and some things could get in the way of making it feel good

sex demands a lot of intimacy and trust in your partner, so it makes sense for their first time to be sloppy and not feel that could if they had a bunch of reservations and were too anxious to ask for anythingjdfjkf

i love that they do try more times just to see if it can get good

ORRRR

One night stand bkdk where the sex was not good, but bakugo keeps texting him so they can try again because he hates not being the best at it, they eventually start to learn more about each other and even go on dates to create a more romantic atmosphere and when their sex finally feels os good is when they are in love frfr

[sparkplug02]

Ahsoka Episode 6 Spoilers

Apparently, I'm making this a regular thing now. Not that I'm complaining.

~

So this scene. It hit me, and not for the obvious reasons (though I'm sure I'm not the first to notice it).

"Always a plan, never a good one."

"Hey, it worked, didn't it?"

He pauses for a moment, and when Sabine doesn't answer right away, he asks again:

"Didn't it?"

Us, as the audience, might have gone to "well, yes, Sabine found you, but Thrawn is also preparing to jump back to the Star Wars galaxy and wreck havoc, so ehhhh...."

Which is all well and good, but I don't think that's what Ezra meant.

I think Ezra has been dreaming, or hallucinating, or having visions. He's seen Sabine (and maybe others) before, but they've never actually been there until now. When Sabine tells him "It worked," that's the confirmation he needed. That's when the hug happened.

Go back and listen to the second 'didn't it,' and you might hear what I mean. It's in his voice. It's a little rushed, a little nervous, and if you watch his body language, you can see it too. He's bantering about the 'never a good one' quip, remembering how it feels to talk to someone that isn't a space-turtle from home again, but then he freezes and he asks again.

The camera cuts to Sabine, but if we got a close-up of his face before she answered, I'm 100% sure we would have seen a glimpse of panic. He finally thought this time, this time, it's real, this time she's actually here, but then he second-guessed himself because what if? What if it wasn't real this time either? What if he's actually starting to go insane? What if Ezra reaches out and she's not there? And if she's not there, will it destroy the last shred of hope he has left?

But he doesn't have to find out, because Sabine sighs, says 'it worked,' shakes her head, and laughs.

So everything is okay.

[lehhoh7822]

asking about the legally blonde fics 🙄 (JOKING i actually really want to hear about them. please?)

THANK YOU its not letting me add a cut guys..... i would if i could..... long post??

alright hi i write legally blonde fanfics after being involved in a production of it earlier this year and. well.

like i think my fanfic is very ehhhh for most people because i like essentially getting to write completely different songs and then having to integrate them into canon if that makes sense?? based solely off the musical, like, none of pilar margot serena really have ANY established backstory and i havent seen the movie or read the book in such a long time. so what i mean is that i get to write this horrifying piece about someone experiencing parentifcation in an abusive environment and then try to integrate that character into the more canonised characterisation.

i guess the reason is like. of musicals, legally blonde is very.... i don't know, its pretty solid in terms of content for the musical. its absurd like most musicals which kind of facilitated me and my friend (im gonna @ their dead blog from when they were like 12 @kittykatturtles-blog) to make crack theories and then give me things that i wanted to extrapolate from it. I guess the other thing about these fics is that i want to write about how. fucked a lot of rich people are. i think part of this is coming out of the dsmp fandom or engaging with it more critically in terms of a fandom and being able to recognise the kind of repetitiveness of a lot of fanfictions in a very... trope esque way? like there are so many fics which are basically the same and a lot of those feel like they didn't have anything to say or think about in terms of the characters.

i think the other part of it which matters to me is being able to write about themes which are genuinely really serious, and at times intimately familiar to me; exploitative religious groups, familial abuse, dissociative identity disorder, and more, without the worry of too heavy scruntiny. like i remember when i was writing for dsmp i always got kind of scared of writing something too serious and having people like like. oh my god. hes a MINOR. YOURE KILLING ME. the whole point of the stories aren't just that bad things are happening or that these characters are justified or whatever, it's about. how do you keep going? how do you keep loving? how do you explain yourself.

i think something thats super important to be is character autonomy. it rings pretty bad for me when a traumatised or disabled is given no action on their end at all for anything, making them a hollow slate for the abled characters to support and research and worry about and lie to. to me, as someone who is traumatised and is disabled, that kind of dynamic is gross to read about. so its important to me to be able to write about, even if it cant exist in real life, the idea of supportive people who are also kind of fucked up and having to acknowledge the real hopelessness of complex issues is something i want to depict in my writing.

for a lot of people, for most i think, when terrible things happen they can't just stop and they somehow have to keep on going despite the world feeling like its stopped turning for them. and i think a lot of bad things do happen to people when they are still young. one of the worst years of my life was when i was 12 and its genuinely quite hard to top it. trying to write the spiky complex feelings of self hatred and confusion and injustice you can't place and hopelessness is cathartic to me and i think its important for me that it exists.

the other thing is that. like by the nature of my writing, this is leading to a better future. im a pretty slow writer, and i can't be hyperfixated on the story i need to just be continually trying to think and work on it. but because we know; we know they make it to college, we know they have friends, and in this i know that they can make it to adulthood, its an assertion, from me as a writer and from me as a traumatised disabled person that i will make a better future and the worst parts of your life will not definte them. idk.

this is the link to the first two fics and im writing a new one as we speak

if you want to hear more about ttolt characters (we have pilar, serena, margot, elle, serenas parents and brother, pilars infinite fucking siblings and parents, and a few others) then send me asks about it. PLEASE dear god