#editing even though i hate myself cause i have nothing else

[best-type-moon-couple]

The Winner of the “Best Type-Moon Couple” Tournament is…

Gilgamesh and Enkidu (52% of the Vote)

[Congratulations for the Runner-ups, Mr. Sakamoto Ryouma and Mrs. Sakamoto Oryou, who came close with 48% of the Vote]

Thank you so much to the 502 people who voted in the final poll, as well as everyone else who participated/nominated/followed this tournament. I appreciate every single one of you and hope to see you next time I do something like this again. Until then, thanks for voting, see you whenever there’s a next time!

Letter from the Mod (Under the Cut):

Introduction:

So… uh… been a while since we talked like this, completely nervous, unprepared tournament mod to the hundreds of thousands of potential listeners and followers of the poll. Well, now that it’s over, I want to introduce myself.

Hi, you can call me Snow. I’ve been a Type-Moon fan for about a year now. I got into this series when my cousin introduced me to “Fate” and from there I started to grow on this series at an… large… unnormal… potentially problematic and unhealthy way.

“Where’d the inspiration come from?”:

When I got into Fate, the one thing that reached out to me were the characters themselves and their relationship with one another, and the more I looked into the nasuverse, the more characters that I found that I feel in love with, the more I started to hate, the more I started to have convoluted and mixed feelings towards, but the one thing I loved about most was how characters interacted with each other and how well, or unwell, they get along and nothing else can show my love and appreciation for character dynamics than the couples of Type-Moon.

The couples of Type-Moon range anywhere from being weird to comical to sad to disgusting to wholesome and even genuinely life changing, with the characters themselves having dynamic that either showed how much they pine for love, how love broke them, how love managed to fix them, or by simply how wholesome they are. When Samurai Remnant released and featured a character who loves their spouse very much that they make it their main focus in game, juxtaposed by their spouse still showing their love and devotion for them, it was the thing that eventually caused me to make this tournament in the first place (they weren’t in the tournament though, but it’s the thought that counts).

Running the Tournament:

I was completely sure that I wanted to run this tournament, but the main caveat was the fact that I never ran a tournament like this before and it became very clear, very quickly that I had no idea what I was doing (the potentially weird rules for the tournament and the delayed start times were a big red flag of this, so I’m glad we had so many people stuck around despite that).

Still, I wanted to do my best for this tournament, so I created everything myself (with my sister helping to find a tournament bracket website). And when I mean everything I mean I edited together the main banner of the blog and edited together most of the couple portraits (I got lazy and used official art for some of them, guess which ones)

What’s next?:

Honestly, I want to do another tournament sometime. Obviously not immediately since I also want time off, but I’d also want to do something else and see more people come together to vote on something we all may or may not enjoy. And while I have no ideas at the moment (if you want to give any ideas then feel free to share then through the askbox or through the submission box) but maybe this blog will go through a renovation when I figured something out, hm?

Want to see what I do?:

Well, in case you wanna follow me specifically, then you can follow my personal blog (@player-blandon) for more of my personal things or things I post about games I like sometimes. I don’t post there consistently, and when I do it’s probably, mostly, shitposts unless I’m live-blogging a game I’m playing through or (in the most recent post’s case) doodled something I wanted to share. It’s the place where I share things sometimes and hopefully it’s a place where I can talk to all of you about some stuff as well (chances are I’m going to be posting more fate and type-moon things after this tournament).

Closing Thoughts:

Honestly, this tournament was a bigger undertaking than what I originally thought, but I’m glad I did this. I consider it a learning experience.

Thank you all once again for participating in this tournament. Congratulations to the King of Heroes and his only friend for winning and good job Ryouma and Oryou for putting on a good fight. We all put in a lot in this tournament and I hope to see you all again when I do something like this again…

…until then, I’ll see you whenever I can. Goodbye everyone. See you later!

[meimi-haneoka]

È il mio 10 anniversario su Tumblr 🥳

It's apparently my 10th anniversary on Tumblr 😳😳😳

This blog definitely didn't start as a CCS blog, or not even a Clamp blog, I remember I was in my Saint Tail brainrot/withdrawal period, and I wanted to ramble about it all alone on a personal space, always hoping that Tachikawa sensei one day would write the extra chapter that she talked about on her blog...hence why I chose this url. For this and another personal reason, actually. I also loved to RT all the nice screencaps and edits for my favorite anime...

...then 2016 came and the love of my life, CCS, came back and my blog was absolutely swept away by the excitement, turning pretty much into a constant stream of CCS content and chapter commentary for Clear Card each month. When the anime came out in 2018, things only got worse 😂 but then in 2020 I started to realize about the translation differences between the English version and the original Japanese, and I decided that my beloved story deserved better than that, better than being misunderstood like that, especially the new characters that in the meantime I came to love so dearly...

So pretty naturally, I started to vent my frustration compiling all the mistakes/differences every month, in a very "whoever is willing to read it, is welcome to do so" fashion. For my convenience the differences are always included in my commentary. I haven't gone around promoting my posts very much, it's basically always "I run into someone confused about a line in the Eng ver/got some facts wrong, I tell them that the original JP actually says something else and I leave a link to my blog".

The more the story went on, the more I wondered if I was stepping on anyone's toes for doing these posts, but with my immense joy it seems they got Clamp's blessing, so I'll keep doing them till the very end of the story.

In between these commentaries, I throw some other translations I do mainly for myself (Twitter Spaces where Sakura is mentioned, interviews especially about the anime, etc) and that I like to organize more or less neatly in one place, and that people can share if they want. And also my fanarts, even though they never do big numbers here. But heh, I'll keep sharing them here too, cause it's my blog after all.

So yeah, 10 years of this. There were definitely times when I've hated this website and its community since things were becoming pretty toxic, flames started randomly out of nowhere, I just hope once the anime will be back it won't be the same shit again. I stopped looking at the CCS tags because of that and other reasons connected to that, so unless one of the people I follow shares it and puts it on my dash, I almost never reblog CCS art/edits/gifs etc. Cause the pretty artworks aren't worth wrecking my mood because I found the nth person shaming something that I love (and the people who love that thing, with it). Sorry about that, my blog is pretty boring in that sense.

Luckily, Tumblr brought me also good things, so I guess it makes up for that. I've met lots of people from my current CCS "circle", here.

To be honest, I know I have 2626 followers (as of today), but to this day I still wonder why. I highly doubt all of them are here because they're interested in my posts, probably not even half of them, lol (and I do my best to kick the bots). Nonetheless, thank you to all the people who interact with my posts ❤️ and thank you for sending me nice asks every month! 🙏 I don't always reply to them right away and some of them I leave for later when I have a downtime (like this one ask that's pretty broad in topic and I'm keeping it for when I have a little more time and nothing else to talk about).

Since Clear Card will continue for a little more than expected, the monthly appointment here will continue in parallel, and I'm already preparing my next "trivia" post, it's a topic I wanted to talk about since looooooong time. 😉

[thestarlightforge]

“Is There A World”

3/15/24

******

My mood’s so fuckin erratic

Cause tell me why I’m ecstatic

Over one hearted text

From a pretty not-a-girl?

A joke I made look effortless

That took 3 hours to write—

Just like everything in my life:

Appearing mysteriously

Apparating as if magically

Never sharing the struggle

Like the wizard boy I always wanted to be—

Henry Rose Murphey.

Say his name, why don’t we?

I’m hungry for connection

But I hate my own voice

And I wish I knew how to make the choice

To treat those texts I send

The way I feel when I receive them:

Like little bursts of light sent along the weave.

I send them, and half the time, all that I perceive

Is “I’m a bother. A roach. A waste.”

That it’s what I get for taking up space.

I ask for conversation and feel needy

Even though logic says the feeling deceives me

Because if one them suggested

I’d trade a moment of savoring their voices,

That their little texts don’t have me rejoicing,

That they aren’t why I believe in magic to begin with,

I’d say, “that, there, is a myth

Deeper than Medusa.”

That despite my trauma,

Despite my fear of even looking their way,

I wish we could stay just like this, forever.

That sometimes, I wish they would cut off my head

Because at least then, if they go, they could take me instead

And my gaze, still, could guard them.

Speaking of the gays—

An unacceptable segue,

But the lesbian casting in Percy Jackson practically confirmed it—

I also hate how much of this

Is just outside hate turned inward,

Because children don’t start off this way.

Their hearts become corrupted because they learn to say

These cruel things to themselves and others.

And I wish it were, “If I had my druthers,

I’d go back and do it all again.”

Maybe then, I could pretend

My writer’s voice could fix it all,

That people there wouldn’t still install

These hateful thoughts inside my head,

And maybe, thereabouts, instead

I could find the right thing, at the right time, to say

To a younger me, or them—to make them stay.

Like one magic word was indeed too much,

And by editing a moment longer, such—

That I would never breathe this present day

Because my something else to say

Would’ve led to different Wonderlands—

I could have avoided this dread I know by heart.

Where, in the dead of night, I start

To chase self-hate down rabbit holes.

But Alice wouldn’t ever know

The feel of my loved ones’ shoulders

When we hug, when it’s quiet, because there’s nothing (and everything) left to discuss.

Love is a choice.

That’s a fact I don’t always like

Because it means, in fact, in spite

Of whatever you may feel,

In order for love to be real

It has to be given, and taken, and given back.

It means that love is an act.

Not of falsehood necessarily,

But one to be rehearsed, practiced carefully

Until you learn your lines, your relations, your space

And only then can you erase

That frailty in your spirit

From when you said “I love you,”

And then, they wouldn’t go near it.

But this need for recursion doesn’t always disturb me.

I admit, it took a lot of therapy

To believe this dark, ominous cloak

Wasn’t just some cosmic joke.

But after years of guided wandering,

I’ve found a glint of comfort, pondering

That rehearsal is my happy place.

It’s where I learned to gently trace

The outlines of a life in which

Someday, I could flip that switch

And understand that, when I talk,

My friends think, “I love you, too.”

A version where I start anew.

And maybe that can be true

With a little verse or a text.

Perhaps I won’t always panic,

Assessing what might happen next,

And learn to trust and love myself,

Recover a bit of mental health,

Because they are the stars

And my texts got a heart

And maybe, the warmth they give me, I give them, too—

And that’s a good enough start.

[k--havok]

So the other day at my therapist appt I was telling her how I cannot finish anything to save my life (except, like... cooking and work-related things) and how, especially when it comes to my writing, its just incredibly frustrating.

The thing is, it really does frustrate me when it comes to writing. But it also affects everything else in my life; from doing chores and cleaning things to other hobbies. It's hard for me to get started, and even when I start, I cannot seem to finish things.

(and I say this as I type this next to a pile of folded laundry on my couch that needs to be put away. It would not take long to put it away. Maybe 10 minutes. But alas.)

Now I do not have a/d/h/d. But I have many symptoms of it and unfortunately it has been incredibly difficult for me to get help for my symptoms as doctors, therapists, and others insist I should get tested again and want to prescribe me pills I do not want to take.

But. Finally. It took over 2 years, but I have finally found a therapist and professional who sees that I am struggling and instead of putting me into a box and slapping a label on me, is getting to the root cause.

I don't usually talk about it much, but I don't have a/d/h/d because I have a T/B/I. And it affects everything.

Anyways, it's not just a motivation barrier that stops me from doing and finishing things. I'm great at stopping things when I am about 3/4s the way through or almost done with something and then just not picking it up again and not finishing it.

Sure, things I hate end up here. Like the folded laundry. But it affects my WIPs. It affects me when I try and play most video games (except online/live games). It affects TV shows, reading, painting, art, and even my weight-loss has been sabotaged by this. I have been working on getting down to a healthy weight for years now and have stopped at 10-15lbs from my goal weight. I'm not platueing. I know what I need to do. I just stopped those healthy good habits and now cannot pick them back up. It's bizarre.

I've known I'm neurodivergent for a long time but it was always something I read other people talk about and listen to. I never really used the word for myself and never had other people, from doctors to friends, also use the word for me. It's either all about pills and definite treatment options from the professionals. And from friends in the past, it was always a pissing contest about how they have it so much worse. (Who can take the most pills, go to the most dr appointments, who needs to be hospitalized, who has the most diagnoses, both real and self-dxed... etc.)

For the first time though, my therapist used it to describe what I was going through. And it felt... I dunno. Like I'm not faking things. Like my struggles actually matter. That I did not have to be put in a box and told that since I do not have X there is nothing to do about Y and Z symptoms. The first answer, for once, wasn't pills. Which was nice.

Anyways, the reason I am posting this long-winded, rambling post onto my writeblr blog and not my personal is, for the first time, I do not feel guilty for not finishing things. I got the dopamine release from working on the journey, which is my favorite part. I like working on things and being busy. If I come to a stopping point, if I finish, then the most fun part of writing for me--the actual writing--is at a stopping point. And then I have to do what I don't like to do much, which is edit.

For years, I called it writer's block. But that was never really what it was. Because I know what happens next. I know what I want to write. I just could not get my fingers to the keyboard.

I still don't have an exact word or phrase to describe why I cannot finish things. But now I know what it stems from, know why I perform this behavior, and know tricks to get around this part of myself to start being able to finish things.

I want to finish the first novella of Soft Touches, Godless Hands by the end of this year. Maybe it'll happen. maybe not. But I am tired of comparing myself to others and punishing myself for not living up to my own expectations.

I jump around to different WIPs not just because I like to have a different flavor of the week, but to keep things fresh. Interesting. To try different things. Because I love trying new things. Another important factor of my life that affects everything.

It may make my projects and blog harder to follow, that is true. But I write for myself first and foremost. My blog is a way to organize thoughts and jot down quick headcanons and flesh out my stories.

As long as I can follow along to what I am doing, that's all that matters.

[arala225]

13+! Camicazi Hiccup Astrid Crossing the Line Fanfiction from AvannaK 

Reupload from my main channel from 7 years ago, so this was LONG before Zephyr and Nuffink.

NO shipping wars here! Hateful comments will be DELETED! You all know that I am a BIG Hiccstrid fan, so please watch the video till the end.

Thank you to AvannaK for the fanfiction Crossing the Line: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/7021226/...

I changed one part chronologically to fit the lyrics.

 PLOT:

Hiccup decides to break up with Astrid for political reasons. It is a month after the Integration and Hiccup still believes in living together with the dragons in peace, as equals. But Astrid sides with the village and believes in using the dragons as weapons against other tribes to gain the upper hand in intertribal fights. Even though HE is the one that ended the relationship Hiccup is deeply shaken by it because he still loves Astrid.

He flies away with Toothless and his childhood friend Camicazi finds him. Camicazi is the heir of the Bog Burglar tribe.  

The Bog Burglars are

: - an all female Viking Tribe whose members don’t marry

 - they only choose a men for occational fun and to produce heirs.

- they are extremely independent and are not allowed to get emotionally attached to a man. That’s why they have to change partners

 - If the newborn child is a girl, she can live as a Bog Burglar, if it is a boy he has to live with the father or someone else who is willing to take him in. No man is allowed on the Bog Isles.

Camicazi comforts Hiccup with a kiss and he lets himself forget the world and his responsibilities and enters a secret relationship with Camicazi. It is secret because Camicazi isn’t allowed to be only with one man and get emotionally about him.

Years later they are both adults and Camicazi comes to Hiccup one night with a shocking request. She asks for an heir by him. At first Hiccup refuses, but the he realizes that her tribe is pushing her to provide an heir and Cami cannot imagine any other man to be the father.

To help his friend Hiccup agrees and they spend the night together. The morning after they both feel a bit guilty. Cami because she pushed Hiccup in the situation and Hiccup because deep down he still loves Astrid.

Later that day Hiccup has to attend the Dragon Race with his father and is forced to watch astrid in all of her glory, which makes him feel even more conflicted. Stoick shocks himand tells his son that he has formed a marriage contract with Astrid’s parents.

 Not wanting any secrets between them Hiccup has to confess to Astrid that he spent the night with Camicazi. Understandably Astrid is furious. Hiccup feels torn between the woman he loves and his best friend, the mother of his firstborn child.

In the end he tries to explain the situation to Astrid and she realizes that the damage is already done and there is nothing she can do about the other family. So Astrid agrees to marry him if she doesn’t ever have to see Camicazi or her child whether it is a boy or not.

 A few months later a heavily pregnant Camicazi watches the wedding from a distant cliff. Despite not supposed to show her feelings she is a bit sad that her relationship with Hiccup has to end. Luckily the baby is a girl and Hiccup comes to the Bog Isles to see his daughter Alivia.

Hiccup and Astrid live together happily until Camicazi and Alivia appear. Although they are not allowed, Camicazi was never one to stick to rules. And she felt neglected by Hiccup, who spent all his time with Astrid.

The arrivial of her rival makes Astrid very angry and while Hiccup tries to calm the down the stress causes Astrid to go into labour early. Hiccup is angry at Camicazi for endangering Astrid and fears for her life.

But fortunately both survive and Hiccup has a son: Floki Haddock. In contrast to their mother’s relationship Alivia and Floki get along great from the beginning and often see each other over the years.

- I edited the face of baby Floki myself with Blender.

[miraismywife]

Okay so you clearly don't understand and ignore what i just said. First, you cannot go to jail if you're not existing. Loving a fictional character doesn't makes you a rapist, there's a "sexual assault" tag on the Netflix show, just avoid to watch it if you're sensitive to this kind of subject. You just said that if i watched a horror movie (ex: scream) and love the murderer in it, you're a murderer or you idolize them. That's not how it works, what you're saying is stupid.

I don't understand your second paragraph btw, i explained what Mira said more simply. You're embarassing yourself right now. I saw your post, and on your post you were inciting other people to hate on Niragi's STANS. Real life people. Re-read what i wrote and maybe you'll understand i'm talking about hating on real people with real feelings. You clearly need validation btw, noticing on how you ask other people to block and report someone you don't even know because they love a character you don't.

When an autor creates a character, it's usually not for them to get hated. It's for the plot and the story. You cannot force youself not to like someone because user8429 think they are problematic. Everyone is allowed to like who they want to like, and i don't think i saw you hating on another character than Niragi. There's thousands, most of the characters edited on Tiktok or other app are usually villains who killed people. But you don't care about murderers right ?

What i wrote wasn't particulary made for you or the other people i tagged, it was just for you to simply read it. You were hating on someone else, knowing full well people were going to insult this person. I don't know them very well either, i saw some of their posts and subscribed, we talked in private and they are literally one of the nicest people i ever talked with.

So no, you weren't making hateful posts about me : but about someone else and their moots. You agree with everyone in the comments who slur them; like the one i tagged who called Niragi stans "freaks". You agreed with them, wich means that was totally intended and that if a thousand of other people did the same thing you would have supported their actions.

You basically misunderstood the post since you thought i talked about myself. I don't recall myself either to have precised i was getting cyberbullying or anything cause that's not the case, but since i tagged you i get that you thought it was about you. You were NOT attempting to discuss anything, you just said "he's a rapist even if he doesn't exist and never hurted anyone" and refused to acknowledge that nothing is wrong with loving someone who's un-real.

If loving this character is bad because he's a "rapist" (even though the term is actually "sexual assaulter) then playing video games (not the soft ones) is also a bad thing to do. Have you ever tried to think with yourself? How do you think the person you posted about feels like? Once again, i'm not forcing you to like Niragi. I'm asking you to leave Niragi stans alone. You don't know them, if you don't like their post then just avoid it ? Nobody gives a fuck, really. There's thousands of posts like that, and everything is alright if it's not a real people we're talking about.

Rape and murder are crimes, in the real world. Neither I or Niragi will go to a real life prison, because loving him is not a crime and he's fictional. Why are you so offended by a fictional character really?

Now i have a task for you ; if you're planning on answering instead of blocking me, do it with every piece of information i've gaved you. It's easy to avoid things i said, but i didn't so i'd like for you to do the same. If you actually realize he's not existing and that loving him will not make anyone a criminal, then please apologize to the people you called sexual offenders.

Maturing is realizing that None of the characters in borderland are meant to be hated, everyone has an ugly personality or did something bad. If your hating on some characters, then you probably didn't understood the point of the whole Show.

Everyone is going to die someday, nobody will remember you, technology will grow and everyone will turn bored from the constant perfection. Everyone in Borderland are equals, your "sweet" and "caring" favorite character killed people. Maturing is realizing that slandering one of the characters or their stans will not give you an opening to Havard, you just need the validation of the people who share this opinion with you, and they prolly also needs validation.

All characters are lovable, all characters are hate-able. Depends from your position, your personal life and your taste. It's not that difficult to just not just insult someone who's a complete stranger because they love a character that you don't, because if everyone did that : god help.

This is for every show basically, hating on someone multiple times with usually a lot of people has a name. Cyberbullying. And that just makes you garbage.

Please spread around.

[ncutii-gatwa]

LILY JAMES — Vanity Fair, 2015 Photographed by Cuneyt Akeroglu

[virq-qgo]

Valentines special

CW: SMUT, OOC Douma, swearing i think, we should know by now that i don’t edit my work. (typical vanilla sex, p in v), reader’s pronouns shouldn’t be mention. But has a vagina.

A/n:) Happy valentines guys! I hope this fine day has treated all of you well!! Let me tell you when the other love of my was finally animated i had to jump to a fanfic. It wasn’t supposed to turn out as a smut but- anywhoo, I might make an Akaza fic, even though I hate him he still has a tad bit of respect in me cause he respects women. Still hate him thoughhhh. As I mention from before Douma is ooc. I actually made him kinda and loving because why not?? Anyways enjoy~

(I accidentally posted this to my main account-)

words: 1,597k

SMUT UNDER THE CUT

Your heart dropped when you entered your shared room. It was as if someone had bombed the place with love. There were paper hearts all over the floor, rose petals on the bed that formed a heart, romantic music playing in the background softly, the lights dimmed low but the candles made it brighter.

It was all a crazy disaster but it made a smile creep on your face. Almost on cue your boyfriend opens the door with a bouquet in his hand. “Happy Valentine's day love!” Doumas voice cheered, “I hope you like all of it. I even did it myself, that’s why it looks so good!”

“Oh, you shouldn’t have!”

“But I did! You’ve been working so hard and so you definitely deserve the special day!” You feel his muscular arms wrap around your waist and press his lips against your cheek.

A blush creeps up on your face at his words causing you to squirm in his touch. Before you abruptly gasp and leave his hold, “I have a gift for you too!” You dropped to your knees and looked under your bed then pulled out a box.

“Oh? What’s this?” Douma asks while reaching for the gift. He pulled off the ribbon that was decorating the box and tore off the wrapping. You see his eyes widen as he sees the gift seated neatly in the box.

“It’s nothing much,” you scratch the back of your neck and chuckled, “I saw it and thought-”

Douma cuts you off with a kiss, his arms wrap around the small of your back and pull you closer to him. “I love it,” he whispers between each kiss. “I’ve never seen something so beautiful! Where did you find it?”

“I can’t tell you!” You laugh, “Otherwise it won’t be as romantic!” Your lover smiles before shrugging his shoulders before kissing you once more, this time it was more intense. You buried your hand into his luscious hair while the other hand rested on the back of his neck. He quietly tells you to jump and to which you do. You wrap your legs around his chest and let him carry you to the bed. Doma gently sets you down on the piece of furniture and starts to pull off your yukata. A soft moan leaves your lips when you feel his lips on your breasts.

“D-Douma..”

He hums in response, his hands working to remove the rest of clothing on your body.

“Just do it with me already.”

“Do what, my love? I’m afraid I can’t do anything if you don’t give me clear instructions.”

You groan and gently hit his chest, “You know what I mean!”

Your lover chuckles and pulls you by the ankles, pressing his hard on against your cunt. “I don’t know what you mean.”

Turning your head and squeezing your eyes shut out of embarrassment. You squealed, “Just fuck me already!”

A shit eating grin spreads on domas face as he throws off his shirt and yanks down his pants. Exposing his hard leaky cock. The demon leans over you and pushes the tip of his cock to your entrance before pushing it in fully. He admires the look you had on your cute face, only you could act like this to him no one else. His lips find your jaw as he starts pressing light kisses against it. “Tell me when to move, love.” But when your hands found his hair and gave it a harsh tug, he took that as his cue to start moving.  

A sharp moan leaves your lips as you feel him leave you then thrust back in harshly. His hips smashing against yours, bounding to leave nasty bruises on yours. Arching your bare back, chest against his, your nipples rub against his, moaning lewdly. Butterflies flutter in the pit of your stomach. His skin jot against yours in throws of pleasure. “D-douma!” His name leaves your lips like a prayer.

The demon reaches out and grabs onto one of your legs and throws it over his shoulders. Burying his cock deeper into your cunt. A desperate moan erupts from his throat as he throws his head back. Your velvety walls tighten around him making him dig his nails deeper into your hips. “If you keep tightening around me like that-” A moan falls from his lips, “I’ll c-cum!”

Douma stares at your pretty body with lust and love, his grip around you tightens as he realizes how much he is in love with you. From the day he had saved you he knew it was love at first sight. He leans down and attaches his lips with your own, “Become a demon with me,” He mumbles into the kiss. Doma wasn’t expecting you to agree but he knew you weren’t going to say no. His hand slides into your own and squeezes it tenderly, “We’ll be together forever, my love.”

The very last thing he wasn’t expecting was for his beautiful love to burst into tears. He pulls away from your face and examine your tears. Why were you crying? Did you hate the idea that much or were you in pain. But before he got the chance to ask you what the matter was you had already pulled him back down into a kiss. “Yes,” you cry, your hands come to cup his cheek as a soft moan escapes your lips. “Of course, wherever you go I'll follow.”

Douma could stop the smile that was on his face, he lifts you to his laps and starts thrusting up into you harsher. Cries leaves your lips as you beg him to slow down, but he doesn't listen. His lips immediately find your neck as he starts leaving faint red marks. Doumas arms wrapped around your waist and buried his face in your neck. Your brows knit once you feel water drip down onto your shoulder, “Douma?” you whisper, you pull his head back to look at his now tearful face.

“Are you okay?”

“Of course,” he coos, “I’m just so happy that you agreed. I was so scared that you were going to say no.”A soft smile makes way on your face as you press his face back to your chest and caress his hair, “How could I ever say no to you?” you hear douma sniffle before placing a kiss on your collarbone.

“I love you dearly,” he confesses, his thrust never slowed. His hips snapping up into yours as moans upon moans leaves his lips. But once he hears you saying it back he pushes you back on your back.

Your legs drape around his hips, trying to get him closer to you than he already is. Arms wrapping around his neck as you chant his name. Douma feels you tighten up again and groans, his hair draping his face. “I’m going- I’m going to cum.” you murmur“I’m not far behind.” With curses of your name and thrust turning sloppy he cums, you follow him.

You’re panting for air as sweat drips down your body. Wasting no time you pulled your lover into a kiss and buried your hands into his hair. You feel his lips curl as he returns your kiss back, but soon pulling away to let your breath for air. “Would you like to take a bath?” You notice that Doumas voice is rather raspy and sounds tired. You shake your head in response causing him to look at you confusedly, “No?”

“You can get me a wet rag though and wipe me down. But otherwise I just want to lay here and cuddle.”You hear Douma hum an okay for an answer and leave the room. For a second you wish he had taken you with him. Cause now you realize how lonely you felt without him. You didn’t realize when your lover had entered the room until he called out your name.

“Are you alright?” he asks and places the rag on your thighs. Quietly laughing to himself when you see your thighs tense up from the wet cloth.“Of course, I was just thinking.”

“About what?”Your breath shudders when you feel douma wipe away the cum that was oozing out of your cunt. “So pretty” you hear him mumble causing him to get a kick to his shoulder.

“About you.”

You can almost hear the grin spread across his face. His head pops out from beneath your legs as he stares at you dead in the eye. “Thinking about how pretty I am? Or how well my cock takes your cunt.”

“No,” a snicker leaves your lips when you see his face drop into a pout, “I was thinking about how much I love being by your side.”

Your lover's eyes widen before they narrow, he crawls up to you and sits between your thighs, his face hovering over yours. “Do you mean that?”

Your hand comes to cup his cheek, using your thumb to brush at his cheekbone. “If I didn’t mean it, then why would I say yes to become a demon with you?”

You’re right, Douma thinks. He grins to himself over how lucky he got to be with you. His hand comes down to cup your jaw and kisses your soft lips. He wished that this moment could last forever.

“Douma” you ask into the kiss, and to which he hums in response. “When I turn, can you be the one to do it?”

And to him, that was one of the best questions he’s ever heard.

“Anything for you.”

[wingzie]

A change of perception between ARMY and Jikook?

There was a clip during ITS yesterday between Jimin and Jungkook which caused quite a large reaction. The clip in question was Jungkook asking Jimin “Do you want some ramen?” It’s a known saying in Korea, which is the equivalent of “Netflix and chill.”  This clip plus the way both Jimin and Jungkook reacted to it, caused many to raise eyebrows. However, for jikookers, this is not the first time this reference has been made. Keep reading to see what I mean!

During BTS’ vacation in 2019, Jungkook was posting late on Weverse. He posted “if by chance there are any ARMYs eating ramen because of me...please eat deliciously for me.”  Later on, Jimin responded with “thanks to you, I am also eating ramen deliciously.” Just like yesterday, K-Army quickly linked the reference (often used in k-dramas) and jikook’s posts.  Especially with the timing of them.

However, unlike yesterday, there was a massive outrage by other ARMYs about this being talked about. How dare we suggest that Jimin and Jungkook might be making such a reference? Jimin and Jungkook aren’t together. Stop being delulu. I was requested to make Live Reactions to this moment last year and I had to cancel it because the hate was so bad. Aimed towards Jimin, Jungkook, and the LGBT community. Something which is sometimes forgotten about amongst all this hate. The way this fandom disrespects those who are actually from the community, by using jikook as an excuse to do so.

If we then think back to yesterday, the reaction was very different. Yes, there was still some arguing about it. However, there was an overall response of people joining in with jikookers on social media.  In my opinion, there is something else that added to the difference in reactions over the last two years. That is because of a shift in the way people perceive jikook, due to the amount of content we have seen with them both lately. Especially over the last few months, there is an obvious intimate nature between them.  To jikookers, this is nothing new. To others that may have tried to ignore it in the past, they cannot avoid what is always in front of them.  I have seen this change myself.

I have been doing Live Reactions to jikook moments for over a year now. My very first one was to GCFT. Though I wanted to give full honest reactions, I made the decision very quickly to NOT include hateful comments. I only wanted to focus on the positive and there are plenty of beautiful comments about GCFT that outweigh the hate. Some instantly remembered the old radio segment where Jimin said he wanted to go on a trip with Jungkook. The fact this happened many years later and sounded like it wouldn’t be their first made people very soft. The choice of Jungkook’s editing and music choice, which is perfect for jikook, added to the vibes of this.

 After my first Live Reactions thread, I started looking into reactions to older and newer moments. I even found a jikook forum from 2015, which gave insight into how Jikook shippers felt at the time. The most notable moment that caused a massive shockwave was when jikook were slow dancing together during KBS 151230. Especially when it seemed to be backstage and a very private moment between the two of them. As time passed, the members of this forum even started to question what the term “shipping” meant. If calling jikook a ship was a correct term to use or not. It seemed somewhat disrespectful to call their unit “a ship”, as they watched jikook grow with their moments together.

Over the years, we always see jikook together in their own worlds. This includes DVD content, interviews, or fan cams in concerts. However, only certain social media accounts would post these moments, and fan cams were sparse. There was even a time when a fansite got attacked for posting a concert photo of jikook together and they ended up deleting it. Whilst jikookers were debating how to describe jikook, some of the fandoms had already labeled jikook purely as “fanservice” and just seeing Jimin and Jungkook together caused upset. That in itself is very telling, they don’t want to go against what they have already made their minds up to.

During these “fanservice moments”, people made up excuses for the way jikook acted. For example, when Jimin sat on Jungkook’s lap (181020) or Jungkook made Jimin a bigger pancake (Run episode 71). ARMY dissected these moments and tried to put their own spin on it, rather than just accepting it as what it was. That Jimin and Jungkook care about each other and have a great connection on stage. I started to see these types of excuses being made in 2018. After the release of GCFT, it was like jikook was being watched. Was there a difference with jikook? What did it mean? They were being watched, but for the wrong reasons.

Whilst there was an increase of these excuses, there was also an increase of content and jikook within them. The most notably being Memories 2018. There have always been jikook moments in previous Memories DVD’s. As a whole, there aren't a lot of jikook moments in the DVD, but it’s the type of moments that are within Memories that is important. We see them backstage a lot, practicing with each other or giving each other comfort. Their giggles and smiles. Going off to do their own things, they have their own vibes that some like to ignore. With this increase of moments, ARMY may have wanted to turn a blind eye. However, the general public could not.

The Rose Bowl moment with jikook is famous. No doubt about it. When I did a 'Live Reactions’ to it, I was shocked by the amount of people talking about it. ARMY was trying to ignore it and come up with excuses or posting hate under posts about it. Meanwhile, others were talking about it openly. Including other K-pop stans, who are used to K-Pop antics, and were truly shocked by what they were seeing. When researching Memories 2020, it surprised me that some of these people remembered jikook from Rose Bowl. They were rooting for jikook. However, if the general public can show support for jikook, why can’t ARMY and what has changed recently?

Early last year COVID-19 reared its ugly head and made an appearance, causing a massive disruption around the world. This included the devastating idea to cancel the MOTS tour. The way BTS adapted to this is commendable and we still got plenty of content and songs throughout the pandemic. With no concerts, the fanservice narrative for jikook was starting to crumble. ARMY was starting to see what others saw. The increase of social media ARMY helped with this too.  We had the Dynamite era, countless Bangtan Bombs featuring jikook. Then award season with MMA 2020, which highlighted their skill and trust perfectly. Fast forward nearly a year later and we have the same type of Bangtan Bomb’s with plenty of DVD content to match.

During the release of Memories 2020, the jikook account Peaches was suspended. It is no secret that the rest of the fandom ignores jikook parts of DVDs. 5th Muster and Season’s Greetings 2021 are prime examples of this. With the removal of Peaches, something interesting happened. Other accounts started uploading jikook clips. The most famous moment being the “near kiss” between jikook. This clip ended up everywhere, not just on stan Twitter but in other fandoms too like anime or gaming. It started trending around social media. There was almost no escape from it and people saw it as something else than fanservice. As I mentioned before, some of these people recognized Jimin and Jungkook from Rose Bowl. This isn’t just one moment being focused on, but they knew other moments build up jikook as who they are.

With the increase of ARMY too, this is how these clips will continue to spread around. People will see all these recent clips and, no matter what they think, they cannot ignore what they see and hear. With that, comes curiosity. And once they start looking more into the history of Jimin and Jungkook, the more they will see just how close they are.  Some of the fandom might only just be seeing jikook for how they are for the first time, but this is nothing new and they will eventually experience what we first did.  Jimin and Jungkook’s close relationship (however it may be defined) is starting to become accepted more within the fandom. Thank you to @themoonispurple7​ for the gifs. This was originally requested by a few people on Twitter, so I decided to cross post. Much love!

[spaceorphan18]

Thoughts on the upcoming Price of Glee documentary?

Yes - I think it's sensationalist bullshit.

I did watch the trailer on twitter - because it was trending, and I wanted to be aware of what it was going for.

One of the literal tag lines is -- in 2010 ten kids become famous, by 2020 three are dead.

And I... just found myself incredibly angry. Like, so angry.

The "documentary" is exploiting the deaths of three young people to claim that somehow a) there's a curse and b) that it was the cause of the three deaths. It's all sensationalist -- meaning purposefully edited to create the most shock value. And wants to capitalize on tragedy.

Cory's death was tragic - but he had already struggled with drug issues before he was even on the show, and tying his death to his fame feels like it's stretching truth to fit the narrative the doc is going for.

Naya's death had zero to do with the show - it happened five years after the show was long done. And it was an extremely tragic accident. There's nothing going on here - and, again, to fit it into the theme feels hollow and reductive.

Here's what I'll say about Mark - who is just in a different category all together. I get the feeling that the doc really wanted to talk about how terrible Mark was and how his fame and misgivings drove him to suicide. And - I'm not going to sit here and say he was a good guy -- he wasn't. He did terrible things, and should be held accountable for that. However, I hate the fact that his family has to endure the exploitation of it all. (I have no idea if his family is involved - but if I was a family member, I'd be furious that my family is being used for cheap entertainment.)

I also really, really hate (in general) backhanded narratives that frame bad people committing suicide as a good thing. It's reductive on a level that just makes me incredibly angry.

And overall, yes, three young people dying who are connected to a teen show does seem disproportionally high. But you know what? It's coincidental. It really, really is. There is no freaking curse. Just a lot of tragedy.

I didn't recognize any of the people who were giving interviews - however one of them I believe is Naya's dad (who has been apparently exploiting his daughter's death for a while now) and I've heard that others are people who have vendettas against Glee (though - I can't say who or why because I literally do not know.)

The trailer only focused on the deaths - so I assume this is all they'll be focusing on. And yes - it plays as if it some huge crime drama when... c'mon, it wasn't.

Also - I'm sure it's going to clearly ignore all the wonderful things Glee brought to the world, and how it had a profoundly positive impact on people, especially the LGBT+ community.

(Also - anyone else feel like it's suspicious that the trailer dropped the night Kevin and Jenna held Snixxmas?)

If you want honest insight into Glee - I recommend Kevin and Jenna's podcast. They're open about its ups and downs, but they're also celebratory of the good things as they also critical of the bad. And they are able to frame it as such as real people living a real thing -- and not sensational garbage trying to shock people into believing that Glee (and fame) was so terrible it killed people.

[astaroth1357]

Demigod MC Series: Hermes

Hey guys, still doing what I can to stay healthy (and entertained) in quarantine. Staying still, keeping calm, and trying not to exert myself too much because of the shortness of breath thing going on. My lungs just can't get enough air it seems… 😅 Anyway, I've gotten a lot of suggestions on this series and I'm excited to keep it going. Just going to be a tad slow until I'm feeling better. Thank you for the support, y'all!

Demigod MC Series: Intro, Aphrodite, Hermes

Lucifer

Oh no… it’s everyone’s worst nightmare… Another Mammon, but competent. Devil help us all…

Had he known who their father was, he'd have never assigned Mammon to watch over them. Hell, he would have made sure those two never even met. They became a new handful for him to manage from the day they first arrived…

When even more things started going missing around the House than normal, he knew he had made a grave mistake… They were clever, quick, and skilled. About the best WORST combination for a burglar to be…

Worse still, they were fast on their feet. He would pretty much have no way to nab them on foot and always had to resort to his wings or magic to have any hope of catching up to them… At least Mammon usually gets himself cornered!

But, paradoxically, he also came to notice that the mortal had an odd honesty streak to them... Like, they’d steal but they’d always admit to it, unlike Mammon who would try to deflect till he was blue in the face.

Were they proud of their work, maybe? Or just didn’t see the point in trying to get away with it...?

There would be several occasions where they’d take something, sell it with Mammon, and then steal the thing back later just to put it back where it belonged, seemingly never with Mammon’s permission to do so either… 

Is it better that they returned the stolen item or worse because their actions went from just robbery to a full-on scam? Either way, it gives him headaches trying to deal with it…

He pretty much gives up getting the mortal to stop after 6 months, they are legitimately that good, but makes them swear to always put back whatever they take at some point. It seems to work out and he lets more things slide, but please someone get them out of here soon… 

Mammon

Soulmatesoulmatesoulmatesoulmate, or maybe more accurately “Partner-in-Crime” but that means pretty much the same thing to him anyway. 🤷‍♀️

He’s never met a person better at thievery than they were. The day they met, they managed to pick his pockets without breaking a sweat (or a finger) and that was it. He was in love.

They could teleport! Actually teleport!! Suddenly, NOTHING was off limits to him any more! Lucifer’s rare records? Easy. Levi’s secret safe? Cakewalk. The Castle vault?? Child’s play!! It was like they could steal anything they put their mind to!!

He didn't even have to worry about them when they made getaways because they were fast too, the two actually have parkour races through the streets for the hell of it!

On top of all that, they were wicked creative. He’d come up with a money-making scheme then they’d offer him all sorts of little tricks to help get away with it...

HE’D have never realized that they could turn themselves into rats in order to frighten and sneak past Barbatos, but they thought of it the instant they heard of his fear of things. They're a mad genius!!

The only real downside was they seemed to like stealing for the sport of it instead of for the money… so they always steal back whatever they took.

That kind of defeats the purpose of all that work in the first place, right? Ah well, at least that's more money for him.

These two pretty much became a walking menace to Devildom society- Sorry, not sorry.

Leviathan

Not another Mammon!!! WHY?! What did he do to deserve this?!?

When he started noticing that EVEN MORE of his stuff was going missing than usual, he straight-up flipped! Like, had the mortal not been pretty tough in their own right they would have been Lotan-chow. End of discussion.

… And then they started using their powers for good? Kind of?

Like, first off they would always give back what they stole, which was a nice change from Mammon. Annoying, but at least he didn't have to go buy replacement games or anything…

And then they started stealing him limited edition merch or tickets and stuff because they… liked him?? He guessed???

Why else would they go to all the trouble of swiping one of the five ultra-rare Kitsune Ruri-chan figurines from its original collector? He would have had to pay Mammon half his tail for something like that but the MC just brought it to him one morning because they could!

Is… is this love? Has he grown to love that which he hates?! What is even happening anymore!?! Who is he?!? 😫

Eventually he has to reconcile his conflicted feelings by dubbing them the real life Peony Phantom Thief, Jane and even making them a cosplay. Yes, they have to wear it when they bring him things. No, it's not weird, shut up.

Satan

He wants to be irritated, no - furious, that they keep taking his stuff… But he’ll be damned if they aren’t making Lucifer’s life a living hell right now. 😏

He's honestly not even sure how they managed to swipe half of the priceless portraits in the Castle (a considerable feat since there's one for Every. Room.) but they pulled it off in under a week. Barbs didn't even notice the replicas…

If that's not mildly terrifying, he doesn't know what is. Who knows what things he could be missing at any given moment...?

At least the mortal had the good sense to return his things, unlike Mammon, which gets them off his shit list for the most part. 🤷‍♀️

It helps that they’re also impressively well-traveled. They claim to have been across every human continent and sailed every ocean. Though he was skeptical at first, just hearing their stories eventually convinced him.

What sort of person has sailed the Amazon River, hiked through Arctic tundra, seen every major capital city, and still had time to explore the sights of the French Riviera?

One that has magical teleportation powers apparently.

Frankly, he could listen to their stories of the human world all day and still ask for another. He's told them that they may as well just write a book of their own for him at some point, it'd be beneficial to their poor vocal chords.

Asmodeus

Ugh! Really? Another thief in the House?? Wasn’t one hard enough to deal with?!

Honestly, stolen beauty products aren't exactly something you can just sell or give back, so unfortunately a lot of Asmo's clothes/accessories get targeted and he is NOT happy about it...

Around the time his favorite scarf was stolen for the third time, he was about to gut the mortal himself, but they struck a deal with him. They could nab his clothes SO LONG as they returned them with an extra little "gift."

Jewelry, perfume, creams, nail polish, etc. Asmo kept a running list and pretty much treated his thieving friend like a less moral version of Akuzon. Whatever he asked for, no matter how rare or expensive, they always got their hands on so who was he to complain?

He once decided to test them by asking for the Hope Diamond - which they got for him - but he made them return it after a week after the curse on it made him ruin a particularly intricate manicure so…

Like Satan, he's also pretty impressed with all the places they've seen. He's pretty traveled in the human world himself so they exchange travel stories all the time!

He may bother them to him out traveling from time to time. There are so many gorgeous and romantic places to visit in the human world after all, it's not like anybody could stop them from just… popping in to have a look. Right? 😏

Beelzebub

They learned very quickly that his food is absolutely off limits and after that, they were good.

Seriously. Beel caught them once trying to swipe a piece of pizza from his dinner and he nearly ripped their arm off for it…

But on the flipside, he also knows that he can go to them if he REALLY needs a snack and is short on cash. 

It's pretty comical watching the fleet-foot mortal running from angry demon vendors with a basket of stolen apples for their buddy… But he appreciates their enthusiasm! 🙂

Beel actually likes to hear about their travels too, but mostly what they've eaten. They can keep him enraptured for hours by describing all the food they've come across in the human world…

Watch out for the drool, though.

Since they can teleport, they'll sometimes pop up with a human world treat for him and the man internally swears his undying love for them every time...

Outwardly, though, he just smiles. 'Cause he's a sweetie.

Belphegor

They… they opened the attic door on, like, the first day they met… They didn’t even make it look that hard, they had some kind of knack for breaking and entering…

Seriously, imagine the look on his face when they just walk into the attic to say hello… He had this whole, “Lure and Trick the Human” plan all thought out then they pulled out a magic lockpick or something and BOOM! Freedom!

He laughed, perhaps a little closer to the edge of sanity than he was intending, and he tried to attack them but they were so damn fast he couldn't land a single hit!

Damn was it embarrassing when the others came in…

MC: "LUCIFER! LUCIFER!! There's a monster in your attic!!!"

Lucifer: "That's not a monster that's my brother!!"

MC: *stops midway through kneeing Belphie in the stomach* …. Ooooooooh!

MC: Whoops. 

It was a… rocky start.

After they settled their differences quelled Belphie's bloodlust he found that they kind of grew on him rather quickly… Something about that mischievous energy and how much they gave his brothers (minus Beel) grief with it.

He absolutely helps them with their plans if it will annoy Lucifer in any way. Occasionally, they'll even take Belphie out on raids instead of Mammon.

Turns out he's surprisingly good at distractions because all he has to do is pretend to fall then take a nap. People around him will legitimately believe that he needs medical attention so the MC can sneak through crowds undetected...

Of course, Mammon gets PISSED when they do this, though. How dare his baby brother try to steal away his perfect partner!! Get your own damn mortal, Belphie!!! 🤬

[blueprint-han]

[Image ID: A black picture with the title “HOW TO SUPPORT FANFICTION AUTHORS” written in bold caps lock, colored with a winter forest picture. End ID.]

Well, this post has been made countless times, but I’m making one too because I’ve seen a lot of people say they’re new to tumblr and don’t know the whole “reblogging is better than liking” rule and other stuff. So without any further ado, here are ways YOU can support the fanfiction authors. Now keep in mind this applies to almost every author out there, not just the stayblr fandom, so if you’re a silent reader (or even if you aren’t), I advise you go through this post. Warning, this is a fairly long post going into detail, so yeah. I still expect you, the readers to read this, and if you’re a writer, feel free to lmk if i’ve written smth wrong or if you want me to add something! ^^

In this post I’ll go into thorough analysis of the pros and cons of each of the methods listed here and how YOU as a reader can show the authors whose fics you read more love and motivate them to produce content.

WARNING; LONG POST! GOES INTO A DECENT AMOUNT OF DETAIL. NOT EDITED, EXCUSE ANY TYPOS.

#1 : LIKING !

I think this is basic common knowledge, and a lot of people tend to do this. When you like the post, the author sees it, you see it, and if the author has their liked posts accessible (which majority of the time they don’t), and if someone deliberately goes to check it, then they see it. See why so many authors say just liking does nothing? Only liking says “Hey, I’m gonna tell you your story is not that good by simply liking it and not sharing it with other people. :D”

♯ PROS:

You’re telling the author that you've read their fic, and either you’ve enjoyed it to a certain extent, or you’re just saving it to read for later.

Likes are seen by you, the author and anyone who has access to your likes (which, most people don’t).

♯ CONS:

If you ONLY like, you’re not really helping the author’s work reach a wide audience because this site isn’t Instagram. Reblogging is the only way people can SEE our works. I’ll cover more on that in the next section.

In a nutshell, liking is good! But you should most likely use it in a combination with the other stuff I’ve listed below, because just the like itself doesn’t really do much in giving the author any feedback or interaction on their fics.

To clear shit up; I’m not talking about those people who don’t read the story or appreciate it in the first place. I’m talking about those who appreciate the fic, like it, but don’t leave any sort of feedback to show that.

#2 : REBLOGGING !

This is SO, SO important. I cannot stress on this enough. Let me explain WHY so many writers stress on reblogging content: 

Tumblr’s tag system is inherently fucked up, and has grown more so over the year. I’m not kidding, at first, the fic either used to show up in the tags or it didn’t, but now, sometimes your fic can be REMOVED from the tags because of,,, idk tumblr tag shit. Anyways, as you can see, it’s very demotivating for authors at that point, because the major way for people to find their content and expand their blogs has been blocked.  

Due to this reason, tumblr authors need to RELY on you, their followers to help spread their works to a wider audience. Now again, before you get me wrong, I’m not saying you ae forced to rb our works regardless of whether you like them or not. BUT, that being said, if you DO infact like the story, there’s no harm in reblogging, right? By doing this you’re indirectly telling the author — “hey! :D I liked your fic! Which is why I am gonna share it to my followers so they can read it too :D” Trust me, you’re doing nothing but helping the people who produce content for you to read. Seems like a worthy cause to hit the reblog button, right? It’s only a one, or maximum two step procedure.

Leave tags in your reblogs! Trust me, as an author myself and as much as I know from all my author friends, we oft check the tags of your reblogs to see if you found any part amazing or even if you have anything to say about the writing we put so much hard work into. Even a key smash or a “This was so [insert adjective] 🥺” is enough to leave a smile on your authors face. 

♯ PROS :

You’re !! Sharing !! Your authors !! Works !! This leads to them getting more recognition, so for the content they’re so graciously providing for free, you’re promoting their blog and helping them expand it.

If the tags are being a shit, which majority of the time they are, then you’re literally making an author’s day by reblogging! You’re showing them that you, a follower and appreciator of their works are willingly sharing their content because it deserves to be seen by more people. Again before any dumb people decide to attack me, i am talking about people who like the fic but don't bother reblogging and are silent/ghost readers. I am not forcing anyone to read anybody’s work.

YOU’RE MAKING YOUR AUTHOR SO HAPPY WHAT MORE REASONS COULD YOU POSSIBLY WANT !! 🥺

♯ CONS :

Literally none, because as far as I remember no author is against reblogging of their works. It’s quite literally the way this platform functions. Reblogging is IMPORTANT.

#3 : COMMENTING/SENDING FEEDBACK !

This kind of overlaps with the previous section, but THIS IS SUCH AN IMPORTANT STEP !! When you leave feedback, you are directly giving the author something so much more valuable to them than high follower/note counts or money. Your feedback is literally our serotonin. I kid you not the number of times I’ve received a positive comment and smiled and it has made my day. There’s a reason youtubers (though not the best example, bear with me here because it was the only one I could think of) ask people to subscribe, like and COMMENT. The subscription is like a follow, the like is ofc like a heart, and the comment is equivalent to an rb with comments in the tags. 

You might argue and tell me that a comment is basically like an ask so the reblogging step isn’t necessary, but I’m sure 99% of you use YouTube and you know that more comments leads to people’s videos boosted in the stream/trending charts. This is what reblogging does. Reblogging shares the piece with other people like minded, which leads to a boost in reads. You are literally helping your author grow.

It’s quite literally the same thing as youtubers. Youtubers NEED validation to keep their content creation going, so do writers, so do other ccs on this site. This post is however, focused on WRITERS, so keep that in mind.

♯ PROS :

By doing this, you’re giving author valuable feedback! It’s similar to what you do in rbing with tags. Interactivity with their fics boosts their note counts and helps expand their audience, so srsly, now think of it: your one comment is playing such a massive role to help ccs create more content.

Imagine how much of a difference the note counts will be in when every person who simply likes after reading the fic, reblogs, leaves a comment and sends an ask. the note counts would be high on each and every fic, which is validation in itself, but your comments would inspire the writer so much more! Please, don’t skip the commenting part. Even a simple one like: “this is so cute!” is wonderful. 

♯ CONS :

Remember, if you’re gonna give constructive criticism (which I’m sure you all are smart enough to know if different from hate), make sure the author is okay with it. Authors need to be in a specific mindset and must be ready to accept criticism, so if you’re gonna give constructive criticism to them when they’re at a low point, it may demotivate them.

Just commenting, instead of reblogging and commenting in the tags/ reblogging and then leaving an ask in their inbox, while it gives validation in plenty, will not lead to the author’s work being spread. Therefore I suggest either reblogging and commenting in the tags or reblog and then leave an ask, or comment under the fic!

!! reminder; I am not saying that if you don’t rb and just leave feedback, your feedback has no value. We authors truly appreciate every bit of feedback, but this post is aimed to help you learn how to interact with and support authors, and make them feel more motivated, because the current scenario of liking and scrolling is taking a toll on their creative abilities. Take it from a person who’s been writing for a year.

#4 : COMMSIONING VIA THEIR KO-FI/OTHER APPS !

Before any of you attack me, let me tell you that this is not a step that is 100% necessary to do. ONLY donate if you can and if you genuinely want to, and if anyone is forcing you to pay for something against your will, you need to get yourself out of there.

Regardless, if an author has a kofi and you’re able to and you want to donate, you definitely should! It’s also a valid form of support.

#5 : ADDING THEM ON REC LISTS/ RECOMMENDING THEM TO REC BLOGS

This is such an underrated option, to be honest. I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve seen my fic was recommended onto some rec list and it’s made me smile so hard. If you like some fics, create a rec list! They’re oft very popular amongst the fans too. Making rec posts is such a great way to share your favorite stories with others. 

Rec blogs! I’ve seen a couple going around, and needless to say they are a great way to get someone else to read your favorite author’s work whilst also giving them your own feedback. These blogs oft accept recs via a form or ask box, and they leave your feedback along with their own, or else they’ll oft tag the author in the feedback post, so look! You’re basically helping your author share their fic to many more people, because you’ve given them feedback and a reblog.

♯ PROS :

Validation! Feedback! Reblogs! More exposure! Helping a blog grow! Spreading love! basically a run down of the stuff I’ve said before!

♯ CONS :

Literally no con of this. Unless, a one in a million case, this author says they don’t like receiving feedback/being tagged, and I’m sure NO person has said this before, at least none that I’ve heard of.

#6 : FINAL COMMENTS; MISC !

When an author points out about how the interactivity is drastically reducing, don’t just give them blind apologies. Yes, you feel sorry for not interacting as much, we understand, but rather show that you’ll become a better content consumer through your actions. We need to see that we’re not just throwing words into a void and that people are actually trying to be better content consumers. 

Understand the fact that authors don’t get paid for this, and 99% of the time, these authors don’t take commissions either. They’re giving you novel worthy writings for free. Take Percy Jackson: You think the author would have felt motivated to write the subsequent parts, let alone two whole series based off of it if literally no one showed that they were interested? Rick Riordan has sales, he is being paid, there are millions of people and big agencies who provide him feedback. Now take that huge amount and simmer it down to an audience of maybe 10000 people This is what fanfic authors want. They don’t want your money, nor are they telling you to risk your lives for them. All they want is, a reblog, some tags, some feedback, some INTERACTIVITY.  A sign that they aren’t throwing fics into the void and that people actually like them, some motivation to continue. Seems fairly easy to throw an rb with some tags, right?

Don’t bother to tell me that we do this for ourselves and we shouldn’t ask for likes and reblogs and feedback, because 1) you are consuming the content that we “write for ourselves” and 2) writers post their content here for interactivity and feedback. We could just not post and write and save our fics in our dungeon drafts for years. But we choose to post to entertain the readers, the consumers. And we aren’t even asking that much in return.

Don’t give me the whole “I’m scared that authors feel that comments are annoying” excuse either because seriously this has been DEBUNKED SO MANY TIMES. Istg, in the nicest way possible, if you still think writers are annoyed by interaction and feedback, after so many posts, long rants have been posted as to how we’re not, then you must truly be living under a rock. There, I said it. Please stop thinking this way, I’ll say it again, AUTHORS ARE NOT ANNOYED OF FEEDBACK, COMMENTS, TAGS, REBLOGS. WE LOVE IT. Saying this is like saying that the audience in a theatre play shouldn’t clap when the play ends because the actors would find it noisy. 🤡

I’ve seen some people saying they have anxiety issues and such, so pls note that I’m not invalidating your condition. If you’re trying to be more interactive, I really appreciate it! If you can’t, that’s fine too. You’re trying.

But for the people who have no reason other than feeling lazy to rb and comment, your lack of interactiveness is not excused. Please. Tumblr is a reblogging site. If you’re gonna consume content like authors are some sort of machines, I encourage you to go get some more perspective.

This site is not Instagram or the satan bird app. Your likes are appreciated but frankly speaking, they do nothing to the author except tell them “Hey i read ur fic but i'm not gonna support u :D” and honestly, that is detrimental to their creative capabilities and mental health. 

DON’T FOLLOW AN ACC JUST TO MINDLESS RB THEIR SIGNAL BOOST POSTS AND THEIR REBLOGS OF GIFS AND NOT INTERACT WITH THEIR WRITING AT ALL ! Trust me, authors prefer a lower amount of interactive followers than a high count that doesn’t even give them any feedback. Again your follows are appreciated, but when you’re following, you know the type of content the author creates, so the author expects that the more followers, the more interactivity. These days, this is just becoming the opposite. So don’t do it! If you’re gonna follow to read, interact with their works. I promise, this will make both you and the author happy. A win-win situation.

In conclusion: SUPPORT YOUR FUCKING AUTHORS! THEY ARE NOT MACHINES THAT HAVE NO FEELINGS TO PRODUCE CONTENT FOR YOU! FICS TAKE DAYS AND DAYS OF PLANNING, PLOTTING, OUTLINING, WRITING, EDITING, MAKING TEASERS. SO JUST SHOW THEM YOU APPRECIATE THEM WITH AN RB. IT’S THE L E A S T YOU CAN DO.

I will be liking this post here written by the lovely @chaninfused​ and @scriptura-delirus​ . Please take time to read it because if you weren’t convinced by my arguments, you will see how much frustration we as writers face on a daily basis. Please, just show support. Here is the post by @stayndays​ about how to get more people to read your work, because it also has a note on reblogging. Please educate yourself, and put an end to this mindless consuming culutre and bring up some interactivity.

If you’ve read this far, I want you to go to two of your favorite authors and leave some feedback in their inbox, and tag me in it (either tag me yourself or ask the author to do so, they won’t mind). Show your writers that our words are taking effect and you are becoming better consumers. I mean it. I’m serious. I want every single one who reads this post to do this. besides valid reasons, if you’re lazy to do this, you’re a part of the problem. PLEASE get more perspective.

Also, feel free to add to this post! I’d love to read your thoughts too, remember to be kind though. And, if I think your rb is somehow contradicting my points and is bringing down the reason I made this post, I will politely ask you to delete your comment, because this post is about being truthful about the harsh reality of tumblr consumers and how we can change it. I’m sure none of you will let it get to that point, though. <3 love you guys. 💓

And, just a reminder, don’t just blindly like this too. Do what I said before, and while I am not forcing you, I’d appreciate your reblog, because seriously, it took me 3 whole days to write this, plus, I’m sure this will help more of your followers understand the fault in consumer culture. haha, that’s it! This post was way too long uff.

also, this is ur cue to not be stupid in my inbox. You have something to say? Think I worded smth wrongly? I’m sure it wasn’t my intention to do so, point it out with manners. 

[flamingo-writes]

It's Better When The Sun Goes Down — Nanami x Reader

This is a piece for the Anilysium Server NSFW Collab! Make sure to check the masterlist to see other writer's works! This month's prompt was: "I can't hold back anymore"

I'd like to dedicate this fanfic to one of my dearest and closest friends. I'm not a Nanami simp myself, but they are. And I have fun writing for Nanami, and also I love writing angsty things and flawed characters. Reg, I hope you enjoy this as much as you enjoy my more casual writing.

(it's pink bcs youre Chancho)

Word Count: 5.4K

Warnings: Mentions of breakup and heartbreak, alcohol and drug consuption, public sex, ghosting, lots and lots of angst. This does not have a happy ending. This is also non proof read bcs I kinda left it to the last minute I'm sorry, I'll go back and edit it when I am not in a rush dcj nd

Summary: Nanami’s return to the Sorcerer life wasn’t so bad. It could be better if Gojo wasn’t determined to get him back with his ex. As Nanami tries to get on good terms with them, things get out of control, only to end up where it all began.

I made this playlist while writing, in case you wanna listen to it while reading. Preferably listen to it without the shuffle, but you can hear it on shuffle, no biggie.

Nanami had forgotten how painfully unbearable Gojo could be. His return as a Sorcerer had been nothing out of the ordinary for a Sorcerer's standards. Missions here and there, or watching over some of Gojo's students. But God, he had surely stepped out of the line this time.

He couldn't even begin to explain how much he hated his current situation. Fighting by your side for the first time in years felt like rubbing hot oil on an open wound. The uncomfortable ignoring the elephant in the room between you two, as you two tracked and fought what felt like a million Curses.

When the adrenaline was at its peak, it felt almost nostalgic; though he'd then remembered everything else and immediately made his own reality bitter and awkward. Overshadowed by the advantage of years of experience ahead of him made him resent you even more. He knew it was childish and pointless to keep remembering everything that happened between you two, but that bittersweet memory would most likely keep him at bay.

You were still strong, witty, fearless, reckless and quick to act and defend yourself. The way you moved looked more swiftly and coordinated than you did back in your student days. Almost as if you were a professional dancer. He hated every bit of it. He couldn’t stop looking at you, thinking about you, and the possibilities of what you two would have become.

After the mission was over, no words were exchanged between you two. Aside from the: "Are you alright?" He told you as you simply gave him a thumbs up as you caught your breath drenched in sweat. An entire ride in an uncomfortable silence, until he reached the school and you got out of the car.

"Thanks. You did a great job. Keep it up" You said. Cold, and straight to the point. Closing his car door before he could reply. And soon, you were gone.

As Nanami tried to get his mind off the mission, Gojo made it difficult. He called him to ask for the details of the mission. He seemed amused and intrigued, as clearly you hadn't told him shit. And honestly, he could understand why. Gojo was meddling on things that weren’t his business, and things that had died a long time ago.

"Why are you interrogating me, Gojo?" He asked as he pressed hisnfingers on the bridge of his nose. "Ask your underling…"

"Because that jerk left for the bar as soon as they arrived" He explained. "And I know better than to annoy a drunk [Name], It took me a while but...I finally learned my lesson" He chuckled. “I knew they could hit hard, but damn, I had a big ass bruise…” Nanami could almost hear his stupid grin.

"You make it sound like it's a recurrent event" Nanami pointed out, slightly surprised as he didn't know you were a drinker.

"Oh, Nanami-kun, you really know nothing huh?" Gojo said, smiling widely as he had managed to manipulate Nanami into asking.

"Know what?" Nanami hissed as he now swore he could hear Nanami creepily grinning at his phone.

"No, nothing!” Gojo said as if it were nothing; trying and succeeding at peeking at Nanami’s curiosity “I'm not gonna talk over depressing things on the phone. Gotta go, bye! Kith kith, Kento-kun" Gojo sang and hung up, as he smirked, proud of his little mischief. He sighed deeply as he stretched in his bed. "Soon, those two will be back together" he smirked to himself.

Nanami hissed a curse under his breath as he locked his phone and threw it on his bed and went to the kitchen. If he had understood well, Gojo had just hinted at a possible drinking problem. He tried shaking his mind off of it. You couldn't, could you? You weren’t a drinker...You weren’t the last time he saw you. You were able to party and have fun without having to intoxicate yourself.

You were wild, cheerful, unpredictable. Everything he was not. And that’s what had made him fall in love with you back in your school days. You were so laid back, he could feel it permeating into him when you two hung out. The few times he’d broken rules was because you’d been the bad influence, however, you somehow managed to get away with it, and leave him with some distant memory in which he felt actually glad to be alive. He usually felt like he was walking on a cloud stuck in time, being present and enjoying the little things that made his everyday memories.

He’d really screwed up after breaking up with you...if he could call that a breakup... His life took a dramatic turn. And then, he turned his back to this world, and got immersed in the gray life the average man in Japan had. Away from what he's familiar with, away from his friends, away from you.

And now, apparently, you had a drinking habit. He wondered if he had caused it, or if he was one of the reasons behind it. The guilt started creeping in. The same guilt and regret he felt after ghosting on you. Not being able to bring himself to properly end things with you.

The guilt he’d managed to swipe under the rug for so many years creeped back out, and followed him around as the afternoon went by. After having a shower, changing into more comfortable clothes and in a lame attempt to cook dinner, he decided to test his luck. He put on a dark button down shirt and decided to go to the bar closest to the School. He felt the naive hope to find you there. However, if you had an actual problem, then his chances to see you there were higher.

Such was his surprise to find you there, trying to get rid of some insistent guy who kept talking to you despite your very obvious lack of interest. Before you could spot him, he watched you aggressively turn to the guy and talk to him in a rather rude tone. Sounding almost like a moody sailor as the guy’s face soon was washed with horror and disgust and walked away. As you turned your face back to your drink, your eyes scanned the bar, finally spotting him.

“Oh god” You whined as you pulled the glass to your lips. “It’s too early to be this drunk…” You hissed.

“Mind if I sit here?” He asked, pointing at the chair in front of you.

“Tell Gojo to go fuck himself…” You snapped at him as you stood up and stumbled your way to the bar asking for a refill. Nanami looked at you, feeling slightly sorry for your tipsy state, as he’d never seen you like that. And he knew being mad and drunk was never a good combination. As you turned around with your glass and made your way back to your table, you gave him a slightly repulsed smile. “You’re still here…”

“Gojo didn’t send me here, if that’s what you’re thinking” He replied.

“He might as well have manipulated you into doing so, has that crossed your mind?” You said with a sassy tone as you sat back down. “Why are you still standin’?”

Nanami took that as an invitation as he ignored your last comment, trying to refuse the idea that Gojo had manipulated him.

“Rough day, huh?” He said as you nodded and stared at your drink.

“Look, Kento. I’m glad that you’re back. I really am. You’re strong, and you’re smart…” You began. “But I’m gonna cut the chase, I’m kinda annoyed too. Ever since you got back, Gojo has been sticking his snobby nose into my business” You explained. “Many of the missions he sends you in, I’m supposed to be there as well, but manage to get busy by then and not go”

“So you’re actively avoiding me?”

“Yes” You replied bluntly. “Mostly because Gojo is trying very hard to bring us back together. But no, I learned my lesson the first time” You said taking a sip to your scotch, feeling it smoothly sliding down your throat, no longer feeling the burn from the alcohol.

“I haven’t apologized for that…” Nanami began.

“Don’t” You interrupted him. “It’s better this way”

“Are you sure? Because you still seem to have an issue with it…” Nanami said, managing to read you like an open book like he always did. He still had that ability.

You glared at him, angrily as you opened your mouth to snap back at him, but your mind was foggy and a big portion of your brain was focused on the little details surrounding him. His black shirt, the first buttons undone. His thick wrists, one of them hiding underneath a fancy looking watch, his blond hair pushed back, his sharp features...And god, his smell. The smell of his cologne luring you in like a fly to honey. Since any words made it to your mouth, your next step was to take another sip.

“You’re drinking too fast” He pointed out.

“None of your business” You said standing up and taking your wallet out and leaving a few bills on the tale. “I’m out” You said coldly and walked out of the bar.

Nanami sighed, frustrated that he hadn’t managed to get anything out of interaction. Aside from the pretty clear fact that you disliked him. However, he didn’t think of the possibility of you resenting him so much because you still had feelings for him.

As you walked out of the bar, the chilly wind hit the back of your neck, making you shiver. You cursed, knowing it was going to make you feel drunker faster. You made your way to the school with long steps, trying to make it to your dorm before your last drink made it to your head. Despite the cold wind, the hot tears in your eyes in a way kept your face warm. As you tried to keep yourself from crying, you heard steps behind you.

“Wait” You heard Nanami’s voice calling behind you as you stopped on command, against your own will. You swallowed the lump on your throat and managed to keep the tears still in your eyes, as you refused to look at

him. “At least let me walk you home. You can’t walk on your own like this…”

“Oh, so now you care?” You said turning around and looking at him, giving him a smug smile. “You’ve changed” You scoffed bitterly.

“Please” He said, knowing better than trying to argue with you.

Your stare on him softened, as something within you urged you to say yes. To have more time with Nanami and maybe cling to the bittersweet memories you were constantly reliving since his return.

“Fine” You said, very much to his surprise. He smiled and walked closer to you with the gentle smile that had been haunting your dreams as of lately.

“C’mon. My car is not far from here…”

You stopped coldly as he mentioned a car. Taking a second look at him, you wondered how much he’d changed. He’d become an adult through and through, hadn’t he? While you were still a mess...Or so you thought. To Nanami’s eyes, you were a far better sorcerer and warrior than him. And he envied you for it.

“Are you actually going to take me to the school?” You asked, suddenly growing suspicious of him, as you’d had plenty of experiences with strangers on the street and knew better than going into someone’s car in a drunken state.

Not that you didn’t trust Nanami. You didn’t trust yourself drunk.

“I was actually thinking of taking you somewhere for dinner and then to the school” He said.

“Not hungry”

“No, but you’re drunk. It’ll sober you up, and tomorrow morning you’ll thank me when you wake up without a hangover” He said as he walked towards his car.

“I don’t have any more money on me” You lied, looking for an excuse to avoid spending any more than necessary with him.

“I didn’t ask you if you have money” He said boldly as he managed to make you smirk for the first time since his return.

“Smooth, Nanami. You’ve grown” You said as you followed him.

The walk to his car felt like your chest burnt far more than the alcohol ever did. It felt bitter, it hurt and was nauseating. Was it really it, or was it the alcohol finally catching up with you? Like flashes of instant memories being erased from your memory, the drive to a restaurant felt like a poorly edited foreign film. The car felt like some intense themed park ride as you felt dizzy with the alcohol whispering everything you missed about him. It was gross and it was sickening.

The Ramen sign on the outside on itself managed to sober you up a little by taking your mind off Nanami. As you followed him, clumsily standing on your feet, you sat on one of the tables and tried to make sense of the dancing letters in the menu. More flashes of memories were taken off your head, as you wondered what was happening and how drunk were you for you to start blacking out.

“Not good…” you muttered under your breath.

“Did you say something?” Nanami asked.

“No. Nothing”

“How are you holding up?”

“I’m not”

“You’ll feel better in a bit. Don’t worry…” He said softly as he sipped from a soda you didn’t know he had. When had he ordered it? You looked in front of you to the nice surprise that you had one too despite not knowing how or when. “I ordered some ramen for you. Something spicy...It’ll sober you up faster”

You chuckled as you looked at him.

“And how do you know that?” You asked with a cheeky tone as he smiled softly.

“Went drinking a lot with friends from work” He said. “I learned a few things here and there”

More brief black outs kept lazily painting a rather miserable painting in your memory. As you ate your ramen, you found yourself relaxing more and more. Was it the hot spicy broth? In the beginning, the balck outs weren’t getting any less frequent, however, as the night went by, you found yourself sobering up like he said. Soon, the black outs were gone, however you were still somehow locked in a haze. Although it made sense. The amount of booze as well as the short time, it was going to take a lot more than just one hot bowl of spicy ramen to get you back to a sober state.

The conversation kept flowing comfortably as both of you ate. It was reminiscent of the old days, nostalgic and somehow morbid. As the both of you tried to grasp at the old days when your worries were limited to school work. Catching up like old friends who hadn't seen each other, as if you didn’t have hard feelings for each other.

After having finished your food, Nanami paid for both of your meals and went back out into the cold night. The sky black, stars hidden by the streetlights as you made it to his car and finally noticed the silver color in it.

As he drove back to the school, you noticed he took a small detour, instantly setting alarms in your head.

“Where are we going?” You asked, your voice considerably serious as he noticed the change in tone from the pleasant talk they were having in the restaurant.

“There’s somewhere I’d like to go…” He said as he briefly looked at you and gave you a tender smile.

That smile made your heart uncomfortably skip a beat as you hated the effect he still had on you. You didn’t dare to ask any further as you slowly recognized the route he was taking. As he slowly took one of the roads towards the edge of the city close to the coast line. He stopped in a rather deserted place, as he got off the road and stopped the car.

Despite the lack of light, aside from the few streetlights, you knew exactly where you were. A whole in your chest opened dramatically as you felt your eyes tear up and happy memories attached to the location flooded your mind.

“Kento…” You said chuckling bitterly.

“When I said I wanted to apologize, I meant it…” He said as you clenched your jaw and looked out your window, avoiding his stare.

“And I told you I didn’t want to talk about it…”

“You’re still upset about it, I get it. And I don’t blame you” He began as he felt his heart beating hard in his chest. “Look at me, please”

You wanted to say something to him. But you knew you would break down crying as soon as you opened your mouth. You took a deep breath and without saying anything you looked at him. His dark brown eyes gazing into yours, as he was looking at you with a rather pained stare.

“You remember this place, don’t you?” He asked.

A bitter laugh escaped your lips as you clicked your seatbelt, getting it off.

“I’m done” You said dryly as you opened the door and got out of the car.

“No, [Name]. Please, wait” He said as he mirrored your movements and excited the car walking around it.

“Of fuckign course I know where I am, Kento” You barked as you walked away approaching the door. “I know where I lost my fucking virginity, okay?” You barked as you stopped coldly and looked at him, tears finally streaming off your face. “Look, I’ll make us a favour and summarize this conversation. Yes, you’re a fucking asshole for just taking off one day and completely disappearing. Yes, I’m still mad about it. No, I won’t take your apology. No, I don’t care about whatever shitty excuse you have for me to listen to you. You bringing me here out of all places isn’t going to change shit…” You spat all in one breath as you stopped and took a deep breath.

“I loved you, Kento. I really did. And it hurt to have you just dissipate like you were a hallucination or something...You were my first kiss, my first love, my first everything! And one day I lost all of that. You ruined sex for me!” You yelled angrily. “I could never hold, kiss or sleep with anyone, because at some point I’d see your stupid face, and then be incredibly underwhelmed because I would not enjoy sex. I can’t feel anything anymore, Kento...The only way I can actually enjoy those things is by getting drunk or high” You admitted. “I can’t walk into bookstores, nor eat sandwiches or diet coke, nor drink tea because all those things remind me of you. And yes, it’s lame that all these years later I still care about those things. And this is why I can’t forgive you” You cried, as your voice shook.

Nanami’s heart broke little by little at each one of your words. He knew he’d screwed up and had hurt you deeply. But he wasn’t aware of the actual impact. He clenched his jaw as he felt his chest tight and a lump on his throat. Now the drinking problem made sense. Gojo had painted it like you were an alcoholic, but it wasn’t exactly the case. So you’d gone to the bar to get it off with some stranger, probably pretending it was him.

The dizzying pain and weight of his mistakes blinded him for a second as he walked towards you as you kept bitterly complaining. As you tried to walk away, you made a very poor effort as he caught up with you and cupped your face in his hands, bringing you closer to him and shutting you up by pressing his lips against you.

The sudden surprise made your heart stop. Your mind turning numb and blank at once as you struggled to bring yourself to push him away. However, truth be told, you didn't want to push him away. The poor attempt to push him away was more than obvious. The strong fighter you were, barely making any physical effort. Nanami's hands wrapped around your back and pulled you close, squeezing you against him as he sighed into the kiss.

Finally kissing him back, you locked your lips against his desperately, eager to taste the lips you've been dreading in your dreams. Clinging to him like he was going to disappear again, a soft whimper escaped your mouth. Your chest pressing against him as he felt his own world getting blurry.

He broke the kiss pulling away as he pressed his forehead against yours.

“You have no idea how much I missed you” He whispered as you clung to him.

“I-I…” You stuttered, the words tasting bitter before they even made it to your mouth. “Fuck, I want you, Kento” You growled as he pulled you in, kissing you hungrily again.

His hands posessively clinging to you as he slowly guided you back to the car. One step at the time as you both melted in a hungry sour kiss. As you ran out of breath, you pulled away, gasping for air as you gripped his collar in your hands.

“I can’t hold back anymore” You said as you pulled away and grabbed his hand, walking back to his car.

Your words unleashed a shiver down his spine as his heart skipped a beat and raced like crazy, as his pants started feeling tighter on his crotch. He chuckled softly as he realized his own judgement seemed to have disappeared with that first kiss. And before you could even make it to his car, he gripped your hips and spun you around as he bumped his forehead against yours.

“I can’t either” He admitted as he guided you to the car’s hood and pulled you over it. Ass you sat on the warm hood, he got between your legs and you wasted no time wrapping them around his waist. He grunted softly feeling your crotch against his as you pulled him closer to seal your lips together.

As you soon were absorbed by the dizziness of your rising heat, his hand went to your bare thighs as he slowly caressed your skin, going up and lifting your skirt up in the process. A soft moan slid into his mouth as he gripped your ass softly and squeezed it. The way your skin got covered in goosebumps and how you jerked your hips made him moan in response.

It felt good, and intoxicating. The driving desire burning his insides. The feeling of desiring to taste you all over and have you shaking underneath him. God, he’d missed that particular rush of adrenaline. His body reacting to the deeply buried memories now loose. He felt like he was in the best high he’d experienced. Lightheadedness and presence in the moment, he hadn’t felt this alive in so long.

Your hands were slowly undoing his buttoned shirt and were quick to explore his warm skin. He pulled away from the kiss, gasping as he looked at you. Your devilish smile matching your hungry stare. You leaned forward kissing his neck, nibbling on his skin every now and then. His hand gripped your hair tightly, pulling it lightly, making you look up at him as he stared at you.

He leaned forward, kissing you once more, this time a lot more slow and a lot more tender. It was sweet and it was slow and it took you by surprise. You felt his sweet kiss begging you, still holding on to the feelings you both decided to drown unsuccessfully. It almost hurt. It was the kind of kiss that told you how much you missed and needed each other. How much you regretted the mistakes you’ve done.

As you melted against his lips, his hands slowly slid your panties off. You helped him lifting your hips a little but as you giggled against his lips.

“Eager?” You said with a playful smirk.

“You have no idea” He replied as he took off your panties and shoved them in his back pocket.

His hand made it back to your thigh, slowly going up until he palmed your hot sex. Stealing a gasp out of your mouth, he teasingly ran one of his fingers through your dripping slit, making him smile satisfied.

“I’m not the only one, huh?” He said as you looked at him with lustful eyes.

You took his glasses off and set them aside. You were about to go back to kissing his neck when he slid one finger inside of you effortlessly. A rather loud moan escaped your lips as you shut your eyes closed feeling your entire body tingle in a way you hadn’t felt in years. You smiled satisfied as you continued kissing his neck. Slowly, he got another finger inside. The delicious stretch of his second finger prompting you to bite his neck softly making him growl your name softly. His fingers explored the whole he knew so well, as he found your sweet spot almost by muscle memory. More moans came out of your throat sounding like music to his ears.

“Fuck, Kento” You hissed as you took off your top, not caring that you were outdoors and by the road. Up to this point, you were so pent up, you simply craved him like you’d never craved anything before.

Nanami wasted no time and kissed your neck, going down to your neck, gently biting your skin every now and then. Sucking delicately on your skin, leaving marks that wouldn’t last long. He pulle dhis fingers out of you, clinging to your body desperately. As you laid on the car’s hood, you devoured him with your lustful eyes, begging him to get on top of you. Wearing just your skirt by this point, Nanami groaned at the plain sight of you.

He undid his belt and his pants. Your hands playfully teasing your own body in an attempt to drive him crazier and crazier. He cursed under his breath as he couldn’t take it any longer. He pulled his painfully hard erection out of his pants. You watched hi, intrigued, stretching your hands towards him, gently gripping his dick. His breath hitched and you smiled proudly.

Nanami leaned over the car hood, slowly getting on top of you, his shaft resting on your belly as he looked at how much deep could he go inside of you. His tip almost reaching you belly button, as the idea alone made a shiver run down his spine.

"Please, Kento" you gasped, need dripping from your voice as you caressed his dick

He growled softly as he pulled away softly, aligning against your entrance and slowly going in. You gasped, pushing your head back and pressing your hips against his making him go deeper.

Hissing your name, he jerked his hips, his tip.kissing your cervix as sudden rush of pain jolted through your body, followed by pleasure. You dug your nails in his shoulders as he thrusted back and forth, hitting all the right spots. The sound of his gasps and grunts hypnotizing as you got wetter by the second. His length coated in your juices, echoing in lewd wet noises.

He was rough. He usually was. Back in student days, he was particularly rough. As quiet and collected as he seemed, he sure got his stress out if his body through wild sex.

Relentlessly pushing against you, stretching you in such a delicious way only he knew how. Strong and aggressive movements as your walls swallowed him whole every time, breathless moans escaping your lips with every push. The cool wind kissing your skin, only enhancing his warmth.

As you felt your orgasm progressively approaching, the realization of how addicted you were to him hit you. He was everything you desired. And it was wrong. Before the feeling of uneasiness started to sink in, a sudden electric rush ran through your body. Painfully and soothing, as you tightly clenched around himbsoon numbed your mind.

As you came around him, your walls sucked him in tightly, as he was right over the brink, your velvet flesh pushed him off the edge. He didn't have time to pull out. And honestly, he didn't want to pull out. The way your walls milked him felt delicious. As he rode you through your orgasm, filling you up as his head felt dizzy and the world was spinning faster than usual. His hot seed coating your insides, as you shut your eyes closed, feeling the very last of your orgasm fading away.

He pressed his forehead against yours. Loud pants echoing.

However, the world didn't quite return to its regular focus.

The rest of the night went by in a fuzzy hot mess of events. You returned to his apartment and kept feasting on each other, making up for the lost time. Both of you incredibly starved and needy, you desperately went at it over and over again. It was a rather long night. As you feared, no one made you feel as he did. All of him was addicting. His smell, his voice, his warmth, his skin...It didn’t matter how many strangers you fucked, or how drunk or high you were, he felt just right. He made you cum so easily, it seemed ridiculous everyone else couldn’t.

But you knew it was far more than that.

You were still deeply in love with him. No wonder why he had that effect on you. Just hearing his breathlessly gasp was enough to have you soaking wet and under his mercy. Between sweet kisses, fake promises and sweaty sex, he quite literally fucked you to oblivion. Until either of you could take it any longer and you two fell asleep in each other’s arms. It had been a long tiring night, as you knew many of your muscles were gonna be sore the next day. Your chest painted in red and blue bruises.

It was possibly one of the best night sleeps he’d had. In such a long time. The uncomfortable hole in his chest didn’t feel so wide now. Just like you, he didn’t know how much he actually needed you until now. His regrets, his guilt, the thoughts haunting him on how much of a jerk he’d been when he simply took off...All those feelings went away for a night. As he tasted the wonders of the universe under your skin. Feeling ecstatic and euphoric for the first time in years. However, nothing could’ve prepared Nanami for what he was about to experience when he woke up.

~

“What the hell is this?” Gojo asked as he waved around the folder you’d left a few hours earlier in the Headmaster’s office.

“Why the fuck do you care?” You said as you grabbed it, ripping it off his hands.

“You’re seriously leaving for Kyoto?” He whined.

“So my transfer was accepted? Great!” You said sarcastically as you opened the folder and saw the Headmaster’s seal at the bottom.

“What about Nanami-kun?” Gojo replied as the very last string of your patience snapped.

“Oh, fuck you, Gojo! You tried to force us back together, but it’s not going to happen” You snapped. “I’m done. I’m done with him, and I’m done with you sticking your nose in my business”

“Do you really think that running away will solve anything? You’ll still be depressed as hell”

“The less I know about him, the better” You said as you turned around, hot tears blurring your sight as you headed with long steps towards your room. “I don’t trust myself around him…” You whispered. “He’s my weakness Gojo, I can’t let that happen…” You said coldly.

You’d left that morning very early, before Nanami woke up. And you left leaving no trace of you ever being there. Unintentionally doing the same he did. It was unintentional because you hadn’t done it out of spite. Your thought process had been simply. You preferred to not have that conversation and simply leave without him noticing. You had had the exact same thought process Nanami had had all those years ago.

You didn’t waste time and soon started packing your things to leave for Kyoto right away.

[greycappedjester]

....okay, as I probably should have guessed, I'm a bit late so here's a scene for next chapter of Department of Mysteries (legit, full chapter will be up soon, it's just a pretty major one and I want to make sure I get it right). Thanks for ya'll's patience and support!

-----

(Have not gone back and fully edited this scene yet so little details may change between this and the version I post on ao3)

Kageyama still hadn’t done much more than push at his food, head still on the table, when Yachi sat down beside him.

She glanced around. “Where’d Hinata go? I thought I saw him.”

“Bathroom,” Kageyama muttered. “Said he left his wand in the toilet.”

“O-oh,” Yachi blinked, opened her mouth like she wanted to ask more than wisely closed it back. “Well, alright.”

Kageyama didn’t look up.

“What’s the matter with you, then?”

Everything.

Kageyama just grunted.

In response, Yachi laid her head down beside his on the table, forcing him to meet her eyes and giving him a small smile when he did. “Hey, whatever it is I’m sure it can’t be that bad. Whatever happened, we can handle it together, I promise.”

Kageyama sighed. “It’s not that easy. It’s something I’ve gotta fix myself.”

“Why’s that?”

“Cause I’m the one that broke it,” he answered quietly. “I always am.”

Yachi frowned before shaking her head. “You know, I don’t think I can believe that. Sorry, sounds wrong to me.”

“What?” Kagyeama stared.

“Because you’re my friend--one of my first friends--so I think I’m kinda an authority on all things Kageyama,” Yachi continued. “And I know the Kageyama I see doesn’t break things--not on purpose and definitely not always. So, I think there’s some pieces missing here.”

“But, there’s--I’m not--.” Kageyama huffed. “That’s just because you’re my friend. You’ve gotta say stuff like that?”

“Do I?” 

Kageyama’s heart clenched. “Yeah, you’re Yachi. You’re nice. It’s how things work.”

Yachi sighed. “And you’re Kageyama and you’re too hard on yourself.” She lifted her head back off the table, leaving Kageyama looking up at her. “You know, I get it. I really do. You know…when I didn’t used to like to think about myself very much. Because when I did, all I saw was a girl that didn’t have hardly any friends and wasn’t that brave and wasn’t very strong and wasn’t very much of anything at all, actually.”

Kageyama’s head came up, grabbing her shoulder. “But, that’s not you at all. You’re Yachi--you’re brave and cool and probably the only reason we’re not failing half our classes to be honest.”

Yachi gave him a wry smile. “And that’s how you see me. And how Hinata does. And Kiyoko, too, in her own way. And--now--it’s a little bit more how I see myself.” She took his hand on her shoulder, lowering it until she was holding it between both of hers. “Like I said, that’s what I used to think. But, you know what? I think I’ve learned that some of us are, well, we’re really terrible at seeing ourselves clearly. And that’s why it’s so hard to believe that anyone else can see us different. We don’t know what other people think. We’ve got to listen first.”

Kageyama swallowed. “I think I’ve listened pretty well on this, though. Oikawa hates me.”

Yachi squeezed his hand. “Then, maybe he’s the one that’s not listening. Because when I look at my friend, there’s nothing to hate.”

And Kageyama….was silent.

Could that really be it?

Yachi was super smart so maybe she did have a point.

It fit, didn’t it?

When Kageyama thought of himself, he thought of all the ways he’d failed. He couldn’t make his father happy. He couldn’t keep Oikawa as his friend. He couldn’t even apologize, right?

But maybe….maybe Yachi was right. Maybe it wasn’t a fundamental thing tht was wrong with him. Maybe he just needed to learn to go about it better. To figure out the right way to make people listen first.

The only problem was he didn’t know what that was.

But, he could learn.

He looked up at Yachi.

“Feeling better now,” she asked.

Kageyama nodded. “Yeah.”

[izzy-b-hands]

harvest, amber, and maize!

!!!! Thank u!!

TW for mental health stuff and a past incident with misogyny involved. The answers weren't gonna get serious but then they did, sorry y'all. If any of u read this all pls have this virtual prize: 🎃

Harvest - what fictional character do you most identify with? Why?

There's a good few on that list, but let's go with a recent one, and the one that'll piss off my regular Izzy Hands hater anon lmaooo. Hey bud, hope ur well! EDIT: ooh enjoy what essentially became my I Love Izzy essay aksjkfngn

Obviously, I mean Izzy. I'm gonna be like brutally honest abt myself now because why not frankly?

Like Izzy, I get left out of shit, or I'm the butt of the joke for being stringent abt rules and getting shit done before fucking around, and then fucking around mindfully if possible (but only with ppl who show they can't do both at the same time. It's a skill, honest.) It's happened since I was very little, and boy howdy you think I would learn right away that this means most ppl will hate u, but my little autistic ass did not! Izzy also apparently has not learned that yet, but I have my fingers crossed for him.

Like Izzy, I pick up the slack where I see it, in the hopes ppl I care abt aren't affected by any issues said slack might cause them. What my clinic job taught me with that, is that you make yourself indispensable and dependable yeah, but then they never promote you and stack more work on you until you break like that oar cracked over Ed's thigh. And that's bad!!! My mental and physical health prove it lmao. For Izzy's sake, I sort of hope something or someone in S2 makes him slow down before he either takes a fatal blow meant for Ed, or has a heart attack from stress.

Like Izzy, I'm not real good with love or affection. I hold a lot but I can't ever seem to figure out how to set it down or share it right with others. Compliments unsettle me before I can remind myself to shut the fuck up and just say thank you for it. I prefer, in work and school at least, to be mostly ignored as proof I'm doing well. Being pulled aside or asked for a meeting is instantly a sign I've fucked up, at least in the first instant lmao. I want to be more comfortable around others and be a better friend, a better son, a better person over all. But I don't know how to do it yet. I'm trying though. I know Izzy might not get that at all in the show, but ngl it would be cool if he did.

I'm noting the negatives mostly here because, like Izzy, the above shit means I've fucked up a lot. I've hurt ppl i didn't mean to, and ruined opportunities for myself. I've hidden from living my life beyond work and caring for others while neglecting myself, sometimes because I feel like that's all I deserve and other times to feel something.

But I'm not totally ruined, and in my opinion neither is Izzy. It'll take work on him as a character and what is in his arc for him to do and be better in any way, but I have a feeling that's not what we're too likely to get. And that's okay too, I'll just be happy for more Izzy aksnkfng. Even if he just let someone give him a hug by the end of the show, I'll take that.

Also, like Izzy, I'm a wonderful shag and I do look fucking amazing in leather 🖤

Amber - share an unpopular opinion that you may have.

Tbh I think the above essay might be it lmaooo

But here's a silly one to contrast the above answer: Ketchup is disgusting. It just is. Tomatoes are only good for pizza sauce, nothing else. Beating the tomato into a pulp and adding water and sugar does nothing good for it unless!! this is in the process to make the aforementioned pizza sauce.

Maize - share the weirdest encounter you’ve had with a stranger on the street.

Tbh my weirdest one is also my scariest one:

Back when I first started at the clinic and before I was out as trans/still wearing fancy dresses to work and heels (now they're an at home thing, not brave enough to wear them out anymore even when I want to)

this older dude started following me, trying to make conversation as I walked from my house to the downtown clinic (approx 12 blocks, through the downtown area of shops/restaurants, all not really open yet cuz it was like 640 AM). He's making me uncomfortable with the topics he brings up, i can only go so fast without outright running and i feel if i do that he'll just grab me. i tell him ill call the cops if he doesn't stop following me (i was dumb and like 19, now i wouldn't bother with the cops or want them involved at all)

i was lying. Back then i had a shitty iphone i hated and never used cuz no one ever called or texted me lmaoo so I lived on my ipod touch instead. this meant i never kept it charged, so it was a brick in my purse.

he met me on block four. He followed me until block eleven.

I kept trying to ignore him while i walked on, knowing I'd be late to open the clinic and fearing that fucking lecture from my asshole manager (fuck u Colette, get help before u manage anyone else)

But he's trying to snag my arm now, holding out his flip phone and telling me go ahead, do it, call the fucking cops! whore, slut, bitch, I'd pissed him off good. He claims he only wanted to find out the time from me, and that was his first question, before he asked if i wanted any company (even if i had, he wasn't my type)

I had passed only closed businesses until then, and i was starting to freak the fuck out. But, i was at block eleven, the clinic was within sight, just over the train tracks. if i could get a little closer to it, i could run and hopefully unlock the employee entrance, get in, and lock it before he caught up

Then, I see a woman cleaning the glass door of the Mexican restaurant a crosswalk and some feet away (it was in a historic train station building and had excellent food because an actual Mexican family owned it. It's since closed, and now a shitty microbrewery is in the building. Im still mad abt it lmaoo).

I bolt across the street to get there, ignoring one honked horn from a truck when i am still ninety percent sure it was not his light anyway, and scare the everloving shit out of this poor kind woman. The door is locked, the guy is now across the street and walking briskly towards us while i beat on the glass, sobbing, and beg her to let me in.

at the last second, she does. she doesn't speak a lot of English, i don't speak much Spanish, but we spanglish the moment and she locks the door once im in, shouting at the dude as he now bangs on it

y'all i wish i could thank that family so much more past what i did that day. The woman, the mom, got me some tortilla chips and water and sat me in the dining area. The dad called the cops, and their two twenty something and mid teen something sons go out the back door and start telling him to fuck off or they'd all make sure the cops took him away. They had no real obligation to even let me in, let alone shelter me more, and they did.

cops show up, and proceed to be cops: useless. They take statements from everyone, then tell the family that im being dramatic and the guy just needed to know the time. one cop asks if i want a ride to work now. I say no thanks, because im now realizing im very late and no one knows where i am/whats happening, and i just want to run the last little bit to work.

Nope, he now insists i ride in the back of his squad car while he lectures me on giving a polite man trouble like that. Before we drive off, the family gives me a wave and the guy that followed me walks off the way he came.

then i went to work, told everyone what happened in tears, got told to clean up and get to work. worked the late part of that day too after a coworker left sick. fkn sucked lmao.

Now my family refuses to let me walk anywhere alone and i feel like a child at 28. I probably shouldn't have told them abt the above lmaooo

[ticketstomydaydreams]

5:3666

(All We Have: Part Two)

Part One

Colson x Female Reader

Summary: You and Colson fall into a night time studio routine when he starts keeping you company through your insomnia and you decide to work though some past demons

Word count: 3,200 (ish, I lost count editing)

Feels: Fluff with a dash of past trauma

Warnings: Drug & alcohol consumption, domestic violence, cursing, Colson being so sweet it almost makes your teeth hurt

Companion playlist:

Machine Gun Kelly - 5:3666

Warren Zevon - I'll Sleep When I'm Dead

The Vamps - All Night

Halsey - You Should Be Sad

A/N: If you've been affected by anything in this story, please know you're not alone. My inbox is always open and I'm all ears 🖤

______

During the first couple of weeks of moving in, you’d been partying A LOT. The guys wanted to show you just how mad it got, breaking you into their chaotic household, blending the days together. Everyone was hyper and the house was buzzing with energy. You'd been so exhausted from all of it that you'd been all but passing out each night, but you couldn’t lie, it was great fun.

You’d tried to pass on a few nights but Colson would never hear of it, often forcing you out of your room to get involved as the house was filled with people, jam sessions taking place in between drinking games. It was a far cry from your usual homelife, your last housemate mainly kept to themselves so your place was normally pretty chilled. Colson had used your place as a quiet escape over the years, but it seemed you wouldn’t have the same set up extended to you here with this lot.

With the pandemic unfolding, the house had started getting quieter, less people in and out every night and everyone was settling into a lazier way of life. The gang were mooching around the house throughout the day and while the house was still lively at night, it wasn’t quite the party central you’d almost started getting used to. Your normal working routine went out the window as everyone had started working from home mainly and without your daily routine, followed by nights out partying, your insomnia was back with full force.

______

You were lying in your bed, trying to force sleep on yourself but after trying to nod off for a couple of hours, you accepted defeat and got back up. Throwing some sweats on and one of Colson’s huge hoodies (you’d been slowly sneaking them out of his closet, finding that the masses of material drowning your small frame were super comforting), you headed down to the kitchen, turned the stove on and filled the kettle up. You were scrolling through your phone when you heard footsteps on the tiled floor. Colson strolled into the kitchen looking disheveled in a white tank top and boxer shorts, hair ruffled and looking sleepy

“Dude, it’s 3am how come you’re up?”

“Couldn’t sleep, living that oh so fun insomnia life again” you sighed “Did I wake you?”

“Nah, I was already awake. Couldn’t sleep either and heard someone moving about so thought I’d come down” He replied, climbing onto one of the breakfast stools

“Yeah, I think it’s not having much of a routine. Hate lying in bed staring at the ceiling so just got up. You want a cup?” you offered, pointing to the chamomile tea you were brewing

“Sure, thanks” he says, taking the steaming mug from you

You sit down at the breakfast bar with him and start chatting, scrolling through instagram as you do. After about an hour, as you’re talking about an article you’re reading, you notice Colson doesn’t respond and you look to your right and see he’s fallen asleep, leaning on his hand, his mouth slightly ajar.

“Hey, sleeping beauty” you whisper, rubbing his back with your hand “Go to bed”

He slightly jolts at your touch, opening his eyes “Nah man, I’m keeping you company”

“Some company” you laugh softly “pretty sure you just slept through all my rambling there”

He leans against your shoulder, closing his eyes again “Hey, at least you’re not sitting here alone. That’s something right?”

“That’s true” you smile, leaning your head against his “You’re very appreciated, do you know that”

You gently push him upright and stand up “Come on, let’s go to bed. I’m pretty tired myself, so you’ve definitely helped”

He’s laid his head down on his arm on the counter, his breathing getting heavy immediately so you pull his other hand making him stand up. He stands up and puts his arm around your shoulder as you walk towards the stairs, your legs feeling heavy as you climb each step, carrying some of Colson’s weight as he sleepily walks with you

Once you’re standing outside your bedroom doors, he pulls you in for a hug

“Night kid, don’t be wandering around bored if you can’t sleep yeah? Just come get me. Nothing worse than sitting up alone at night…”

“Will do. Thanks Col” You squeeze him a bit tighter as he kisses the top of your head

“Night” you smile, as he let’s you go and turns and heads into his room, waving his hand up behind him

Undressing and crawling into bed, your eyes feel heavy as your head hits the pillow. Colson was right, insomnia was a much less lonely experience with a friend.

______

Of course, as is always the way after your sleepless nights, you sleep in super late the following day meaning the cycle continues and you find yourself wide awake as the witching hour approaches. Feeling restless in your bedroom, you get up, and decide to head downstairs and out into the studio because you figure you might as well put this time to good use. You settle into a chair with your acoustic guitar and started playing, stopping and starting as you figure out a melody, working your latest lyrics in with it

“I wanna start this out and say, I gotta get it off my chest. Got no anger, got no malice…”

“I thought I told you to come get me if you couldn’t sleep”

You almost drop your guitar as you hear Colson’s voice behind you, “Jesus, how are you such an enormous human but you still manage to creep up on me all the time?”

“Just a stealthy motherfucker I guess” He laughs, flopping into the chair next to you

“Whatcha working on? That sounded sweet, keep playing…”

Colson knows you sometimes get a bit self-conscious with people watching you sing, so he lights his joint, rests his head on his hand and closes his eyes. You smile as you see what he's doing, thankful he always understands what you're like.

You turn back to your notepad, reading over your lyric outline quickly before repositioning the guitar in your lap and resetting the metronome

___

‘I wanna start this out and say, I gotta get it off my chest

Got no anger, got no malice, Just a little bit of regret

No, nobody else will tell you, so there's some things I gotta say

Gonna jot it down and then get it out and then I'll be on my way

No, you're not half the man you think that you are

And you can't fill the hole inside of you with money, drugs, and cars

I'm so glad I never ever had a baby with you

'Cause you can't love nothing unless there's something in it for you

Oh, I feel so sorry, I feel so sad

I tried to help you, it just made you mad

And I had no warning about who you are

I'm just glad I made it out without breaking down

And then ran so fuckin' far, that you would never ever touch me again

Won't see your alligator tears

'Cause, no, I've had enough of them’

___

“Man, that was beautiful Y/N. I got some chills right there…You just wrote that?”

“Nah, it’s something I dug up from ‘back then’. Been going through some old lyrics and samples while we’ve got all this time on our hands. It’s kinda cathartic to go over some of that stuff now there’s a bit more distance you know”

______

A couple of years ago, you’d been stuck in a really toxic relationship with your ex, Stevie. Your time with him had been a tornado of arguments, drugs and the constant heartache of him cheating on you. Every time you’d get close to having the strength to leave, you’d always cave in and the mess would continue with you losing a bit of yourself each time you stayed. You’d become pretty used to his violent outbursts, he had always been controlling and short tempered, often pushing you and throwing stuff around your apartment. Despite his own frequent infidelity, he flew into a jealous rage with you constantly.

He’d always hated Colson, despite him being one of your best friends, and while he’d play nice to his face you’d always get it in the neck once you were alone about how you and Colson were ‘too close’ and he ‘didn’t trust him’. Before that final night you’d spent with him, things had been pretty good with the two of you for a few weeks, there hadn’t been much drama and so you hadn’t thought too much of inviting him out with you and the gang for a night out clubbing. Your good run had clearly come to an end, when you felt his hand grab your arm tightly and drag you off the dancefloor where you’d been dancing with Colson. You’d been bundled into an uber so quickly, you hadn’t even managed to get your handbag from inside. You saw Colson running out of the club, followed by Rook and Slim who was holding your bag, as the cab pulled away.

Once you were back at the apartment, he flew into a rage. You’d never seen him this bad before, his eyes were dark and when you tried to argue back, calling his jealousy ‘pathetic’ he snapped. He’d grabbed you by the throat and slammed you against the wall, “Don’t you ever disrespect me like that again” he’d spat in your face, before striking you so hard with his fist that the skin across your cheek split open. It was as if his actions had knocked him back to reality, he’d let go of you and you ran to your bedroom, locked the door behind you and started packing a bag. He hammered on the door, begging you to open it and you could hear that he was crying. You looked around for your phone before you remembered you’d left it at the club. Desperate to get away, you opened your laptop and brought up instagram, managing to send Colson a message asking him to send you an uber to his house straight away. You’d thrown your laptop and a few more bits in your bag, the battery dying before you had a chance to wait for a reply, before pulling the bedroom door open and barging past Stevie. He’d tried to grab you, but you’d finally had enough “Never fucking touch me again” you spat, pushing him off you. The hatred in your voice rooted him to the spot and he said nothing as you walked out, the door slamming behind you.

Once you were outside the apartment building, the reality of what had just happened and the situation you were in started to wash over you. You had no phone, no wallet, your laptop was dead. Just as you were starting to seriously panic, an uber pulled up and Colson had leapt out of the backseat. You’d been in total shock and had just let Colson guide you into the cab and then out into his house, up to his room. He didn’t say anything as he led you to his bathroom and lifted you up onto the counter. He grabbed a flannel and soaked it with warm water, rinsing it out before pressing it softly against the cut on your cheek, gently wiping away the blood that had mixed with your mascara laced tears. The tenderness of his actions was almost too much and you started to sob again.

“Hey, hey. Y/N, look at me” he said softly, lifting your chin so you looked at him, his blue eyes misty themselves “It’s okay, you’re safe here. Don’t move, I’ll be back in a sec”

He left the bathroom and returned with a pair of boxers and a t-shirt. Putting them on the counter next to you, he crouched down and undid the straps on your heels, slipping them off your feet and then helping you down from the counter. “I’ll leave you to change”

When you came out of the bathroom, Colson was lying in his bed “Come here” he said, holding his arm and beckoning into his side. You crawled under the covers next to him and snuggled into him, his long arms wrapping around you.

“Col…” you said quietly

“Yeah?” he whispered back, stroking your hair off your forehead

“Thank you…”

“You don’t need to thank me. I’ve always got you Y/N”

______

“I hated that fucking guy. That night...I wanted to kill him after what he’d done to you”

You see him tense up at the memory and you lean over and squeeze his knee “You’re such an amazing friend, do you know that. I don’t know what I would’ve done that night without you”

"You're a fucking warrior Y/N, you'd have handled your shit. I was just happy you trusted me enough to let me be there for you. You deserve so much better than that" he says, covering the hand you'd placed on his knee with his, staring you in the eyes and returning the smile that's crept across your face

"You know there's been a few punches I've wanted to dole out on behalf of you over the years, but you've never let me" you tell him

"Too right I'd never let you. I never want you in the drama, you're too good for getting caught up in that shit" he replies, pointing at you with mock sternness

"Hey" he says, seeing your expression wash over with a tint of sadness "At least the sleepless nights aren't what they were then…

… If we're gonna work through some old demons this lockdown, I'm sure I've got some songs and lyrics that have never seen the light of day" He reaches over the desk and pulls his laptop towards him "You've inspired me… "

"Oh no, are we gonna fuck our heads up with this?" you joke nervously, worrying that Colson's going to delve into something that's going to upset him

"Nah, I got you covered and you got me, right?"

"True dat" you say, as he holds his fist out so you can fistbump, his eyes now focused on his laptop screen

______

You felt kinda bad, having kept Colson up all night with you the last two nights, especially as you'd got him reminiscing about some tough memories, so tonight you tried to sneak past his room when your restlessness got the better of you.

"Nice try kid!" Colson says as he throws his bedroom door open, causing you to yelp in fright. standing there topless with his sweatpants hung low in his hips, he lights the joint hanging from his mouth "I told you we were in this together now"

"I felt bad, making you stay up with me"

"You didn't make me do shit…Wait a sec, let me find a hoodie. If I have any left in here…" he says, giving a pointed look towards the huge blue hoodie you were wrapped in before walking back into his room and rummaging through his drawers

"Oh shush, you have like a hundred…"

"Right come on" he says, pulling a pink hoodie over his head and flipping the hood up over his messy hair "Let's see what we get into tonight…"

______

And so the nights went on like this, the two of you falling into an easygoing studio routine. If there wasn't anything else going on in the house, you'd eat dinner together then head to the studio and work through the night into the small hours, skipping out the pretense of trying to sleep. You were both pretty productive at this time it seemed, both being proclaimed night owls, and keeping busy during these uncertain times was keeping your minds off the unfolding pandemic.

Considering he’d referred to his home studio in the past as the ‘rage cage’ (and it certainly could still be party central when the entire crew got involved), it was actually a place you drifted towards to relax these days. You’d always worked well together in a studio, but over the weeks spending so much time just the two of you, you became more in tune with each other, noticing when one of you had hit a wall and it was time for bed. Sometimes you'd work in comfortable silence, side by side, engrossed in your own seperate tasks. Sometimes barely any work would get done as you put the world to rights talking about anything and everything in a late night impromptu therapy session.

This evening, you'd been sitting cross legged in your chair for hours now, focusing so hard on editing a song which was driving you mad, you hadn't realised your feet had gone numb. As you try to move, your knees crack and pins and needles shoot through your legs. Colson looks up from the screen he'd been engrossed in after hearing you groan and sees you rubbing your feet trying to bring back the feeling to them

‘C’mere’ he said, before turning his chair towards you and leaning down to grab your legs, bringing your feet up onto his lap. He pulls your socks off and begins massaging your feet. You lean your head back, eyes closed and let out a long ‘hmmm’. You don’t see Colson glancing over at you and shifting in his seat as he lets out slow breath before turning back to his screen

“Now this is the kind of work session I could get used to”, you sighed "You being my studio bitch on hand for foot rubs. Although, I imagine this enjoyment goes both ways Mr Foot Lover” you tease, throwing him an exaggerated wink

Colson throws his head back with a hearty chuckle, and light heartedly slaps your calf

"Keep it in your pants Y/N"

You laugh and wiggle your toes, Colson letting out a dramatic, throaty groan in response. "Those are some sexy little toes though" he states, sticking his tongue out.

Still laughing, you put your hand to your chest, and gasp as you feign prudishness and try to pull your feet away. He grabs both your feet in one of his hands, keeping them in place then leans over the desk and pulls your laptop towards you

"Get on with some work you, this is supposed to be keeping you motivated, not distracted"

He scolds affectionately, with a smile on his face

“Okay, okay, spoilsport” you grumble as you pull your computer onto your lap

Half an hour passes, your legs still on Colson’s lap with him still massaging your feet absentmindedly with one hand while he works, and your eyes begin to feel heavy. You don’t realise you’ve fallen asleep, until you’re awoken by a “woah” from Colson as he catches your laptop which is about to fall. Taking it from your lap, he states “Right, time for bed you”

You check your phone and see it’s already 5:36am.

You stand up and stretch then walk over behind Colson, putting your arms around his shoulders, and resting your chin on his head. Looking at his screen, you yawn “You got much left to do?”

He leans back into you, bringing his hand up to rest on your arm, “Making some good progress so just gonna finish a couple of bits”

“Okay dude” you gently kiss the top of his head and squeeze the back of his neck a couple of times as you turn to leave “Try and get some rest, we’ve got a long day of sweet fuck all to do tomorrow” you say through another big yawn

“Heh yeah, Night Kid” he says softly, letting out a yawn himself. Colson turns and watches you head out of the studio and lets out a big sigh. Feeling the back of his neck still tingle from where you’d squeezed it, he’s suddenly aware of how empty the room feels without you in it....

______

Taglist: @triplexdoublex @thisshitisfuckingdifficult @brightblaqkkheaven

Lace Up! ❌❌