#edit: people were mad at me for speaking my truth

[that-wildwolf]

how does fanon get Shakarian wrong? 👀👀

*inhales*

I'm gonna start off by saying that I'm a turianfucker too and turians are hot and I get the thirst I get y'all

BUT

too many people are attracted to turians and want a turian romance so badly that they ignore Garrus's entire character for the sake of getting a turian romance and just basically strip him down to nothing but his species. People who are into turians and have a primal kink or something, which like. I also get I'm a monsterfucker too that's fun. are also projecting too much of that kink onto turians and Garrus specifically because Garrus is just unlucky enough to be the romance option. People write a generic alien/human relationship while ignoring most of what the Shakarian dynamic looks like in canon because. Well I actually don't know why. But the amount of turian/human fics, and yes, Shakarian too, that include some kind of "turians are a bit feral or actually aggressive/possessive" take is terrifying. Have we played the same games? Turians are literally described over and over as uptight having a stick in their ass sticklers for the rules. Garrus is an awkward nerd who doesn't know how to flirt with his girlfriend. Even when he he does the evil he does it in the most rule-obedient way possible. He's a mess and he relies on Shepard a bit too much especially in the first two games. This man is NOT the growly dominant alien character insert you want him to be I'm sorry. Turians have 15,000 more years of civilisation than humans. They are not going to be feral creatures just because they have sharper teeth. The human would be the primitive uncivilised alien in a turian/human relationship if you need someone to fill that role (also, why would you?).

Not to mention Shepard being treated as a self-insert which is. well it is a lot more forgivable in my eyes, but even as an RPG PC, Shepard still has a lot of distinct character. I think this is the first time since playing The Walking Dead that I've seen a player character with such a strong personality despite the genre forcing her to be different things.

To be fair I think a lot of the problems with fanon characterization of not only Shakarian but pretty much everyone who gets commonly mischaracterized (look at the woobification of Tali) could be fixed by regularly checking back in with the source material instead of, which I understand and can also be guilty of sometimes, immersing yourself in more and more layers of fanfic until you can't tell apart the fanon Shakarian from the canon Shakarian.

Dishonourable mentions (things that aren't common bad fandom practice but bother me personally): sub Shepard and actually worse yet dom Garrus, any AU where Garrus is a human (like??? lmao. his entire personality and conflict is driven by him being a turian, that is so central to his character that I can't imagine why you would take that away and think that's the same person), Shakarian retiring to the beach (Garrus said tropical. He didn't say beach. He hates swimming he would drown save him)

Also obviously this should go without saying, but there are TONS of great fanfics about Shakarian out there. This is just a list of what people get wrong that I wrote in like ten minutes on my phone sitting on the floor in my kitchen. It's not some magic truth scroll of fandom transgressions. Also obviously everyone is free to interpret fictional characters however they want even if it's different from the source material. Sometimes ignoring canon is better, trust me. Do whatever you want and don't let me spoil your fandom experience for you.

But yeah

TL;DR: I think that Shakarian and Garrus in particular suffers a lot from Garrus being the only turian romance in the games.

[ranoutofficssoiwritemyown]

Haitani Rindou x Reader wc: 2k a/n: no idea. just rindou and reader barking at each other. Rindou is kinda asshole. bonten executive reader. haven't even edited (ofc)

“Wow, you look like a shit” are the words Rindou heard when he thought he was finally alone in his room. To make matters worse, they were coming from you. Why you’re in his room right now beats him and to be honest he doesn’t care, he just wants you out. He was lying on his bed, freshly showered, his hair still wet but he doesn’t really care right now, he just wants to rest. If only he could just rest.

“Go ahead, laugh” he says defeated causing you to sigh and take a sit on his bed where he lays on his back with his eyes closed. You noticed a bruise forming on his check along with his gashed lip.

“I don’t kick a man when he’s already down” that pulled a scoff out of him. You expected a retort, maybe a little salty but all you got was silence so you decided to speak up again “that bad?”

Rindou glances at you, his gaze is full of annoyance and it seems like he’s not in the mood of anything, let alone your questions. After a while he grunts out:

“Yeah, that bad. I had to jump out of the window to get out of there alive”

“You shouldn’t have gone alone”

Truth is Rindou is reckless. His confidence is not baseless but sometimes it gets him in trouble. Especially, when you are on a mission together. What makes everything worse is two of you are always at each other’s throats. You, personally, blame Rindou since he has hard time working with anyone but Ran or Kakuchou. That’s why Mikey doesn’t assign two of you on any mission. He couldn’t care less if you die because of your endless bickering but he wants his job done.

“I’ve done this before on my own” Rindou mutters with a hint of aggravation. He hates having to admit that he may need some help, especially from someone he doesn’t get along with. “What would you have done anyway if you came with me?”

You scoff

“I meant Ran, I prefer to work alone”

“You think Ran is any better?”

“When you’re together, yes. He goes into his big brother mode and makes sure you don’t die”

Rindou rolls his eyes, he can’t really argue there. Suddenly a question he thinks he should’ve asked before appears in his head.

“Why are you even here?”

“I was going to meet Ran here and then we’d go to the meeting. He ditched me though, saying he had to see someone first”

“What meeting?”

You look at him like he was the dumbest person you’ve ever met. To be fair, sometimes you really believe so.

“He wants to know why you had near death experience, RIndou. What, you think he missed us or something?”

He mutters “shut up” and gets up, taking out fresh clothes and starts too change causing you to look away quickly with your face flushed.

“You could at least wait for me to leave the room”

“You think I care? It’s nothing you haven’t seen before”

“Well, maybe you’re not great sight for everyone” It’s a lie. He is a great sight for everyone.

Once he’s done you get up to get the hair dryer and brush motioning Rindou to sit. He does so and looks at you confused.

“What are you doing?”

“Take a wild guess”

“Don’t tell me you’re going to style my hair”

“I can’t have you look ridiculous beside me” you mutter small “more than you already do” under your breath but, of course, he heard.

“Don’t even go there, love. You know how good I look”

“Not as good as your brother” words slip out before thinking and the smirk on his face quickly drops. He’s more than used to hear people fawn over Ran. He didn’t mind it before, Ran was always obsessed with his looks while Rindou didn’t care much. However, after a while, it got annoying, Ran this Ran that. He loves his brother but he hates it so much when people compare them. So, with that one sentence his expression shifts into a cold, almost annoyed look.

After being quiet for a brief moment, he just says:

“Just get on with brushing my hair already”

“Aw, are you mad at me now?” You cup his face with one of your hand not knowing how to act so you simply play it as you always do – getting on his nerves further. Rindou, on the other hand, looks like he’s about to bite your hand off. After a moment of consideration he harshly removes your hand and you just get on brushing his hair before he decides to shave yours in your sleep.

He closes his eyes as you start the process. Despite the annoyance and irritation that remains, he can’t deny that it feels kind of nice, especially after such a shitty day. He lets out a small sigh, trying to relax his body. After you’re done you mutter small “all done” and take a step back to look at your work.

“Thanks, I guess” he mutters monotone.

“Okay, let’s go, I’m driving” You tried to grab his keys on the bedside table but he beat me to it, scoffing before he turned around and left the room “asshole”

You follow him to his car, since Ran dropped you here and then left you, you have no other choice but to go with him. What surprised you is that he opened the door for you gaining “aren’t you a gentleman” from you and he gets into a driver’s seat, of course, not before rolling his eyes at you.

He takes off fairly fast, driving the same speed as usual, maybe slightly faster since he’s annoyed at you.

“Slow the fuck down” You almost yell at him “Wasn’t one death experience enough for you today?” It may sound funny to some, for example this horrible excuse of a human, being the executive in one of the most dangerous organization in Japan but scared of driving fast. Well, it’s not funny to you. It scares you to death and you don’t think you’ll ever get used to it. He doesn’t care though, it’s not like this is the first time you’ve had a similar argument. Rindou glances at you, not at all bothered.

“What’s the matter? Can’t handle a little reckless driving?”

“I don’t trust your driving skills”

He raises an eyebrow at her glare

“Oh I’m wounded, I really am”

“Slow down… please” You’re gripping your seat at this point, your voice coming out a little shaky. He doesn’t look at you as he laughs

“You sure seem scared, love. Aren’t you supposed to be some super badass gangster, miss I’m-not-scared-of-anything?”

“You’re a sadist” You glare at him, clear disgust in your tone.

“So what?” He shrugs not at all bothered by the statement “Can’t help if I get a kick out of pissing you off”

You don’t answer him, knowing it’s no use. Instead you stay quiet, hands still gripping the edge of your seat and pray he doesn’t crash his car somewhere. When you arrived at the headquarters, you quickly get out of the car without waiting for him and enter the building. All the executives are here already, except Mikey. God forbid, that guy be on time somewhere.

You enter the meeting room and take a seat beside Ran.

“Your brother is the worst asshole I’ve ever met”

Ran looks at you with raised eyebrow.

“You’re only realizing that now?” he looks at the vacant chair beside you “Where is he, by the way? You haven’t killed him by chance, have you?”

“No, but he tried to kill me” I smile at him sarcastically “You should’ve seen the speed he drove us here. Almost killed us both”

Ran chuckles but before he says anything else younger Haitani enters the room followed with Mikey. Rindou hits Ran’s head slightly, gaining glare from the latter, and takes the seat beside me. You don’t look at him, all of your attention is on Mikey causing purple haired male to cross his arms annoyed at your indifference as he leans against the backrest of the chair.

Once the meeting was done and everyone was leaving you try to find Kakuchou to drop you off at home for numerous reason : 1.You’re still mad at Rindou; 2.Your house is on Kaku’s way

Seeing this as the perfect opportunity, Rindou follows you, grabbing your arm and standing in front of you, blocking your way to Kakuchou.

“Let me go, Haitani” You hiss at him causing him to tighten his grip, scowling at you.

“You’re coming with me and that’s final. Don’t fight me on this”

“Why? So you can finish what you started and kill me in a car crash?

He scrunches his face, feeling his patience running thin.

“Oh, shut it. You’re making a big deal out of nothing. Besides, you know I am a good driver”

“Big dea- I was terrified, you asshole and you made fun of me”

“You kill people for living Y/N. Half of the country wants you dead and you’re scared of speed? Jesus, grow up.” He’s annoyed at you. You can’t believe it. He has the nerve of being annoyed at you.

“Yes, Rindou. I am scared of speed and that’s why I’m going with Kakuchou. At least, he’s nice enough to respect my boundaries”

“Really? He’s nice? You’re choosing him over me because he’s nice? Okay, I’m sorry for scaring you if that makes you happy. Am I nice enough for you to come with me now or do I have to start groveling?”

You look at him dumbfounded.

“Oh my god, you’re- god, you’re so-“ You can’t find words and you want to cry in frustration. Why the hell is it so hard for him to understand?

Rindou glares down at you, his lavender eyes boring into yours with an almost menacing look.

“So what, hm? I’m what, Y/N? Go on. Say it. You’re already saying bunch of bullshit, so why not just say what you really want to say”

His tone is cold and harsh as he stares at you, challenges you to say whatever you want without a filter. However, he would never expect it from you to pull him towards you by his tie and kiss him. Pulling all your frustration and rage, both towards him, in the kiss. Rindou’s eyes widen at the sudden action before he closes them, pressing his lips firmly against yours. Clearly, he’s just as frustrated as you are, pouring it all in the kiss as his wraps his arms around your waist and pull you against his body.

“I hate you so much” You say between the kiss.

“Why are you kissing me then?” He asks leaving trails of kisses on your neck before he returns to your lips.

“Why are you?”

“Because, even though you piss me off to no end, I still want you. Is that what you wanted to hear?” pecking yours lips

“It’ll do”

He scoffs at her response, pulling away from kiss. He rests his forehead against yours, catching his breath as he mutters:

“You’re one hell of a pain in the ass”

“You’re one to talk”

“You love every second of it though”

“so do you” you grin

“I do”

He answers after a moment with his eyes closed. You smile slightly, before looking around and realizing you’re still in public.

“Everyone left”

“What’d you expect? That they’d wait for us to finish our make-out session?” His tone is filled with mockery

“I was hoping Kaku would drive me”

He lets out a scoff

“Oh, hell no” Rindou looks at you with a glare “Get in the damn car or I will physically drag you”

You sigh, tired.

“Okay, just-“

“I’ll drive slower, I know” He cuts you off without looking at you and goes to the parking lot. Opening the doors for you you hesitate to get in.

“What now?” He sighs

“Just so you know…” I start, searching for his eyes “I don’t think Ran is better than you”

He takes a moment to look at me.

“Just get in, doll” He says and looks away with a visible blush on his face. I chuckle quietly and obey, knowing he would just get grumpy if I commented on it.

[littlebitsalt]

Can i do request male kidnapper yandere x oblivious reader, the kidnapper being delusional so he thought himself as reader's boyfriend

Yandere kidnapper x reader

Note: i was busy with my exam so I couldn't write 😔 plus I had to rewrite this because the first one was bad

Summary: your kidnapper is certain that he is your boyfriend.

You woke up and looked around. You looked out of the window and it was dark. The moonlight helped you to see a bit, but you couldn't see the details.

The next thing you noticed was that you were not in your room.

You tried to recall what has happened but nothing clear popped up inside your head. You didn't drink with your friends. You weren't hanging out with people at work either.

The last memory you had was you going home, taking shortcut to your house after work.

You thought that you somehow passed out. But that would not make sense. If you really passed out, somebody would have called emergency and you would be in the hospital.

You shut further thoughts in your head and stand up.

The room was small, but it looked like someone stays here.

You sat on the bed again, trying to process what was going on. You weren't in your friend's house, and you have no boyfriend either. This room was definitely a stranger's room and there is no doubt about it.

Does that mean you actually went into a stranger's home with your own will? No, you knew that you weren't the type to do that.

You turned on the lights, hoping it would make the situation better for you to comprehend.

You gasped when you saw the room again, now clearly.

The first thing you noticed was several pictures of you on the wall. You looked at the closely. There were a lot of pictures with you in it, and every picture, you were in different places or positions.

The one that made the most questions in your head was the one with you sleeping in your bed. How did this person take this picture? Most important of all, why would this person put the pictures on the wall? This person glued the pictures like you were some celebrity.

'At least take a good one..'

You thought.

The next thing you noticed were collections on a shelf.

'Are these limited editions? Oh, these are special editions too-'

You didn't think much before you 'examined' the collection on the shelf. These were hard to find, and the collection would've cost a fortune for the person who lives here.

You find a damaged one at the back of the collection. The figure's hand part was missing, and it looked like someone accidentally dropped it on the floor. The strange thing was that you had the exact damaged figure at home. Your young cousin dropped it while playing with it. After that you put the damaged figure away in a box, so it's not at your display. It's been a while since your cousin damaged your figure, but you remember it because you were so mad back then.

You were looking more at the pictures when someone opened the door.

"You're awake- finally!"

You turned around to see a man looking at you, smiling wide. You didn't recognize the man from anywhere. If he was one of your colleagues, you would have recognized him right away.

"Uh... who are you?"

That was the only question you can think of.

The man laughed as you questioned him.

"What do you mean who am I? I'm your boyfriend."

The man said.

Now you were confused.

"What do you mean you're my boyfriend? You must have mistaken me for someone else."

"No, no.. Look at these pictures on the wall. This is you in the picture."

"Did you take these photos?"

"I did. Is it weird for me to take pictures of my lover?"

"You're not my boyfriend-"

"Yes, I am your boyfriend. Stop speaking nonsense."

-

The fact that you thought thoroughly about why you were in this room made you feel dumb.

The man's actions made you confused. He said he is your boyfriend, but the truth is, he kidnapped you. However he acted nothing like a kidnapper. He stuck to his role as your boyfriend, occasionally hugging you, talking to you and many other things.

He didn't let you go outside the room. He got you meals when it's time, and made you eat with him.

A few days passed from your first day when your kidnapper told you he would go out to buy groceries. You were all alone in your room.

You walked around, looked at your pictures(which you found very creepy) and even observed his collection again. After some time, you found all of these activity boring.

You lay down on bed. You had to organize your thoughts before doing anything. You didn't have time to process any of the events happening because of your kidnapper bothering you.

Your kidnapper is the most delusional person you have ever seen. Earlier today, you had breakfast with him like always.

"Can you stop looking at me?"

You said, eating your food.

"Why? You love me- there's nothing wrong with looking at you."

He smiled.

"I don't love you- you're a stranger. How did you know me anyways?"

You asked.

"Oh- how we met? We fell in love at first sight. We saw eachother on the street a few months ago, and we fell in love at that second. Romantic, right?"

His face looked genuinely happy.

"I don't remember walking across someone like you."

You said. But your kidnapper didn't respond to your words. Instead he went on about how he took pictures of you and how he wanted this very moment to happen.

Talking to him was like talking to a chatbot with bad responses. He didn't react to any 'you're not my boyfriend', 'you're creepy' sentences. His mind was full of the image he made of you and him.

Your kidnapper couldn't distinguish reality from his daydreams, but he did not look like a aggressive person. Other than unnecessary touches and stares, he remained calm. The last few days went by peacefully.

Although he is overall a kind.. man, you couldn't ignore the fact that he kidnapped you. Even if he sugarcoated his actions by taking care of you nicely, the reality is that you are locked up in his house.

The past few days you were also affected by his delusions. You went on with his dreams and didn't quite acknowledge he is a kidnapper. You also did not realize you have your own home to take care of.

You could not stay with him like this, even if he is desperate to live with you. You got out of the bed as you fell your eyes closing a bit. This was your chance to escape.

You stood up, and opened the door just to see if he locked it or not. Surprisingly, he didn't lock it. The door opened without any difficulty, so you went out immediately. Outside the room you stayed in there was a kitchen and a hollow livingroom.

You didn't have time to explore more of the house. You approached the front door and opened it.

It opened.

At this point, you were suspicious of this whole situation. Why didn't he lock the doors? You couldn't understand.

You walked out of your kidnapper's house to find a small alley in front of you. You looked around, trying to find your way out of the alley.

All split paths appeared the same, and it was hard to get yourself out of the alley when you don't know anything of this alley.

You wandered about for a long time, and you were certain that your kidnapper would've found out that you're gone.

You walked fast, heart thumping fast thinking that he might catch you again.

Your sense of direction did not help the situation. It only made it worse. You felt sick when you reached another  dead end. You were convinced that you reached a public road.

You knew instinctively you're doomed if you do not move your legs now. You turned around, ready to run again.

You ran out of the narrow alley you were without looking around when someone grabbed your arms.

"I found you. Finally."

-

When you woke up in his bed again, his sweet demeanor from before was gone. His kind, loving façade was gone, replaced with a cruel, reckless one. You guessed that was the real him, without delusions to help him put on a sweet behavior.

You woke up and found your kidnapper holding you down.

"You liked me beside you. You liked my company. Why did you run away?"

He said with a harsh tone.

You were too stunned to speak.

"You went along with my act... responding to my touches.. talking to me.. asking me questions. Even though  you sometimes said some unnecessary things, you didn't really resist. You never fought back. So why, why did you run away while I was gone?"

You didn't answer.

"Or was it all just your act to let my guard down? Answer me!"

"No- no it's not-"

"... don't lie to me."

"It's.. i.."

Held down, you couldn't speak properly. Your hear was racing and you couldn't find the right words to say to him. He looked mad right now, and you didn't know what to do to help him blow off steam.

"I believed you liked me. I really believed that you accepted my role as your boyfriend. How stupid of me."

He grabbed your wrist harder. You tried to squirm, but with him holding you down with force, you couldn't.

"Maybe I should just act like your kidnapper. I was delusional from the start. You'd never like me from the start even if I tried."

His face got closer to yours, and you could almost feel his breath on you. You turned your head to the other way, trying not to look at him.

He laughed as you looked away.

"You don't want to see my face. You hate me that much.. what did I expect.."

He mumbled.

"Fine. I won't act like your boyfriend anymore. I'll just stick to my actual role as your kidnapper."

"Wait-"

"I'll do whatever I want from now on until you truly accept me as your lover. Then I'll go back to being your boyfriend."

He got closer and kissed you goodbye.

The next day, in the morning, he opened the door again and greeted you with breakfast.

You slowly woke up.

"I made breakfast for you. Eat."

The atmosphere was very different now. He talked in a more commanding tone.

"You already did many things without my permission. You dropping your act won't change anything for me."

You knew him changing his behavior will affect you greatly. But you stirred up the courage to say something that would irritate him.

"Before I thought you liked me holding you tight because I believed that I'm your boyfriend. But now that I discovered you're just acting to make your escape, I won't hold back either. I'll do whatever I want.. that's the least you can do to me after all those time I had to endure. I'm in love with you, and I'll make you in love with me too."

"Oh.."

"And everything will change for you. Don't expect me to be considerate... because I don't want to wait any longer."

Oh no. You're actually doomed.

"Why don't you pretend to like it? It'll make me happier. It'll make me feel much better even if you don't mean it..."

[internetgiraffekid1673]

It says in your little thing that your Mormon, are you still Mormon cuz respectfully I've heard a lot of shit about Mormons and how they are very transphobic and homophobic! So not trying to be rude just genuinely wondering if I read that wrong or something.

Hey! Yeah, I am a mormon, but I love all my queer siblings, including/especially my trans people. But it's a complicated religion and I have a complicated relationship with it, so I understand the confusion.

The short answer is that I was raised mormon, continue to find a lot of comfort and truth in SOME of their teachings, and I am perpetually very pissed with a lot of their other teachings, cuz yeah, a lot of them are Not Good. So I'm mormon and mad about it. It's kind of like. . .imagine if you were raised Catholic and only really have good memories of your Catholic community and find a lot of comfort in teachings about God's love, but you absolutely despise the administration of the Catholic church and like, everything they say about queer people. It's like that.

The long answer is this:

A) The mormons get a bad rap on the internet for stuff that isn't actually true. If you ever have a specific question, I am happy to answer to the best of my abilities.

B) Having said that, a lot of the teachings of the mormon church regarding queer people are really really bad and I do not support or encourage this even slightly. I myself am queer, and I have to put up with hearing all kinds of queerphobic shit from the church all the time. And I hate it and I speak against it whenever it is safe for me to do so. It just. All of it goes soooo against the other teachings of the church. I am not the only queer member. There is an entire community of us on tumblr over here. We all work and suffer through it together.

C) I still believe in the stuff that's at the fundamentals of the gospel though. Namely, God exists and he loves all of us unconditionally. He sent us to Earth so that we could learn and grow and become happier through our experiences here. Free agency/the ability to make independent choices is very VERY important to him. He sent Jesus Christ to suffer for our sins so that when we do fuck it up, we don't have to live with that guilt forever. Jesus also suffered for our pain and sorrow so that we didn't have to and can bring us healing. We're supposed to love our neighbors with our whole hearts.

I also believe that Joseph Smith did translate the Book of Mormon, although he was still a human being who made mistakes and I don't believe in a LOT of the stuff he said and did. I doubt you've read the Book of Mormon, but it's really just The Bible Extended Edition. There's a reason it's full name is The Book of Mormon: Another Testament of Jesus Christ. It covers what the hell was going on in the Americas during the biblical times.

I also believe that God has chosen prophets for our modern day to continue giving us revelation. I also believe those prophets are mostly crusty old men with outdated personal opinions that they mistake for revelation, that they fuck it up a lot, and I wish a lot of them would hurry up and die so I no longer have to listen to their bullshit.

D) Religion and faith are personal. I'm not here to convert anyone, especially other queer people. I continue practicing my religion because I have had literal years and some really amazing people to help me sort out what is good and bad and to figure out what parts of it are best for me as a person. I understand that what's best for some people is literally none of it, and I also understand that while some people could benefit from just doing what I do, that the way the church treats queer people (and also women sometimes) does more harm than the good parts help. So while I talk about my religion sometimes, it's always more about my personal relationship with it and never to try to convert people. I fully support ex-mormons who left the church, because sometimes the environment can be truly toxic and the religious trauma they have experienced is real.

E) The culture of the church and the actual doctrinal teachings of the church are two very different things. Utah mormon culture is also different than regular mormon culture. All of these things have good aspects to them, but church culture and Utah mormon culture also have a lot of really harmful things too, and these don't even have anything to do with the crusty old men being homophobic/transphobic. I am also mad about this, and I also complain about this fairly frequently.

I'm glad you asked because I understand that this stuff can be confusing. I think it's impossible to be any kind of religious queer person and not have a really complicated and deeply personal relationship with your religion.

I hope that answered your question, and I completely understand if this makes my blog feel like an unsafe space for you and you feel like you need to unfollow me. I do, however, tag every church related post I make, both with a religion cw and the tumblr mormon tag. Do what's best for you, and much love.

Also, unrelated, but I really appreciate all the posts you make and every time I see a little notification from you on one of my posts, it makes me so very happy.

[doyouknowthisbook-poll]

Do you know which book this is from?

Please reblog the polls, but KEEP IT SPOILER-FREE to make people read the excerpt with an open mind 💖📚 Title and author will be revealed after the poll's conclusion.

Note: Since the excerpt is too long for Tumblr’s alt-text limit, the full alt text is below the cut.

Edit: The results are up here!

"I thought about this. And then I ventured, 'They die by violence?'

"'No, almost never. It isn't necessary. How many vampires do you think have the stamina for immortality? They have the cost dismal notions of immortality to begin with. For in becoming immortal they want all the forms of their life to be fined as they are and incorruptible: carriages made in the same dependable fashion, clothing of the cut which suited their prime, men attired and speaking in the manner they have always understood and valued. When, in fact, all things change except the vampire himself; everything except the vampire is subject to constant corruption and distortion. Soon, with an inflexible mind, and often even with the most flexible mind, this immortality becomes a penitential sentence in a madhouse of figures and forms that are hopelessly unintelligible and without value. One evening a vampire rises and realizes what he has feared perhaps for decades, that he simply wants no more of life at any cost. That whatever style or fashion or shape of existence made immortality attractive to him has been swept off the face of the earth. And nothing remains to offer freedom from despair except the act of killing. And that vampire goes out to die. No one will find his remains. No one will know where he has gone. And often no one around him-should he still seek the company of other vampires--no one will know that he is in despair. He will have ceased long ago to speak- of himself or of anything. He will vanish.'

"I sat back impressed by the obvious truth of it, and yet at the same time, everything in me revolted against that prospect. I became aware of the depth of my hope and my terror; how very different those feelings were from the alienation that he described, how very different from that awful wasting despair. There was something outrageous and repulsive in that despair suddenly. I couldn't accept it.

"'But you wouldn't allow such a state of mind in yourself. Look at you,' I found myself answering. 'If there weren't one single work of art left in this world… and there are thousands… if there weren't a single natural beauty… if the world were reduced to one empty cell and one fragile candle, I can't help but see you studying that candle, absorbed in the flicker of its light, the change of its colors… how long could that sustain you… what possibilities would it create? Am I wrong? Am I such a crazed idealist?'

"'No,' he said. There was a brief smile on his lips, an evanescent flush of pleasure. But then he went on simply. 'But you feel an obligation to a world you love because that world for you is still intact. It is conceivable your own sensitivity might become the instrument of madness. You speak of works of art and natural beauty. I wish I had the artist's power to bring alive for you the Venice of the fifteenth century, my master's palace there, the love I felt for him when I was a mortal boy, and the love he felt for me when he made me a vampire. Oh, if I could make those times come alive for either you or me… for only an instant! What would that be worth? And what a sadness it is to me that time doesn't dim the memory of that period, that it becomes all the richer and more magical in light of the world I see today.'

"'Love?' I asked. 'There was love between you and the vampire who made you?' I leaned forward.

"'Yes,' he said. 'A love so strong he couldn't allow me to grow old and die. A love that waited patiently until I was strong enough to be born to darkness. Do you mean to tell me there was no bond of love between you and the vampire who made you?'

"'None,' I said quickly. I couldn't repress a bitter smile.

"He studied me. 'Why then did he give you these powers?' he asked.

"I sat back. 'You see these powers as a gift!' I said. 'Of course you do. Forgive me, but it amazes me, how in your complexity you are so profoundly simple.' I laughed.

"'Should I be insulted? " he smiled. And his whole manner only confirmed me in what I’d just said. He seemed so innocent. I was only beginning to understand him.

"'No, not by me,' I said, my pulse quickening as I looked at him. 'You're everything I dreamed of when I became a vampire. You see these powers as a gift!' I repeated it. 'But tell me. . . do you now feel love for this vampire who gave you eternal life? Do you feel this now?'

[axailslink]

Hey can I get your number?

Riri Williams x black reader

Summary: You don't take too kind to people talking to your girl at all and Shuri tries her best to let that be known when a girl offers her number.

Snippet from the fic: "I have a girlfriend and she will kill me for even giving you the time of day."

Waiting for you to get what you need out of the hair store is always hell for Riri. You swear up and down that you only need one thing yet you'll leave with new hair gel, grease and braiding hair for a completely different hairstyle. However Riri would rather wait then go with you because that automatically adds like thirty minutes because you can trick her into getting herself some braiding hair. Right now Riri's looking at a scratch on her car that she hadn't noticed but now she wishes she had when a girl approaches her slowly she spares her one glance up and down before turning her attention back to the scratch on her car. "Hey uhm I'm Tera I'm not trying to be weird but you're mad pretty I don't really know if you like girls bu-" Riri doesn't let her finish as she stands up tucks her hands in her pockets and answers "mm-mm I have a girlfriend and she will kill me for even giving you the time of day." Riri shakes her head she also slowly distances herself while she's at it so that if you're seeing this interaction you don't put the blame on her. The girl hums "loyal that's cute but you know girlfriends don't last forever so maybe I could give you my number and you could call?" Riri sighs "Tera was it? Do you like your life?" Tera nods but continues eyeing Riri "This is not a threat this is a warning my girlfriend is crazy as hell she has a gun and she's trigger happy leave before you get me and you shot please." Tera sighs "so what? You just let her run y-" Riri completely walks off not wanting to finish the possible conversation that could lead to a later argument with you.

She walks into the hair store to see you already watching from the register "so who is she?" Riri shakes her head "I don't know shit she says her name Tera" you smile loving Riri's response "and did you tell her your name?" She shakes her head "no. What she need to know my name for? I don't know her." You nod as you suck your teeth and continue watching as the woman behind the counter rings your bags of hair up. "So why you in here?" Riri smiles "truth be told I didn't want to look guilty when you came outside and saw her talking to me. You get really jealous really fast and I ain't tryna hurt nobody's feelings especially not yours... Plus those trust issues of yours ain't about to get me killed. I very much like my life." You hum "so what did you tell her? Because you were speaking for a while before you came in" Riri kisses your cheek and says "uhm I told her crazy and trigger happy and will shoot me" you gasp "what the fuck I'm not any of those things..." Riri looks you up and down "so we lying now? Good to know" you can't help but smile "nah your right I do get jealous easily so was she cute?" Riri scratches her head and looks around "I'm not answering that you are not about to kick my ass in this store full of black aunties who would support your actions. Once again I enjoy my life."

A/n: something short before I focus on my studies. Not edited like at all sorry about that.

[melishade]

Attack on Prime Alternate Scenes Part 6

Part 5

Okay so I am currently working on 'A end of an era' right now and...this chapter might be a lot longer than I anticipated. Lol.

In regards to Guren No Yumiya, what I'm hopefully planning to do is this: I spend this week and next week editing the chapter, and hopefully, I can get it out around Fourth of July weekend since I'll definitely have more free time then. Endgame will happen, many questions will be answered, and you can stop leaving messages in my inbox begging me to give you spoilers when I don't. fucking. operate. like. that.

Now lets talk about the Alternate Scenes to the Paths II!

So obviously, Eren and Zeke are in a lot of trouble right now with Primus obviously, and one of the constants that I find hilarious is Primus choking Eren out and Zeke trying to plead his case immediately after.

First rendition of Eren getting choked out:

Eren couldn’t breathe as Primus kept him locked in the invisible chokehold. The god then used his powers to drag Zeke through the sand and force the titan shifter to look him in the eye.

“P-please,” Eren stuttered, “I-I can’t breathe. M-mercy.”

“Did you show those children mercy?” Primus demanded coldly, “Did you show that woman mercy? Did you show your father mercy, as you manipulated him into killing that family?”

“T-the i-island,” Eren tried to reason, “I-it w-ould’ve-!”

Eren cried out in pain as Primus tightened his grip on him.

“Stop! I have to free Eldia!” Zeke pleaded.

“And by free you mean exterminate?” Primus hissed, “You want to prevent your people from creating new life. A little detail you decided to leave out of your answer a few years earlier!”

“The Eldian curse has gone on for too long!” Zeke declared.

“So you kill the Eldian people?!” Primus shouted, “Innocent Eldians who had nothing to do with what their ancestors did?!”

Eren getting choked out scene 2:

Eren wanted to plead and beg for his life, but Primus’ hold on him wouldn’t cease. He could feel the chain tighten around his neck, constricting his airway. It was long, agonizing, torture. He wanted to speak, but all that came out were choked gargles and wheezes.

“M-…mer!….cy,” Eren forced out, “Pl…ease….,”

That only angered Primus, the energy around him vibrating violently. “Mercy? You want mercy? Mercy would be too kind to you.”

“Y-your majesty, please let him go!” Zeke bowed, trying to gain favor with the god.

Primus’ anger turned to one of irritation. “Majesty. Now you know who I am, it’s Majesty. I know your truth, Zeke Jaeger. I’ve seen your mannerisms first hand. Do not waste my time with what I already know.”

“I-!” Primus placed a finger over his lips, immediately silencing the Titan shifter.

“It would be wise to watch what you say next,” another voice spoke before switching to another male voice, “Primus is not the only one listening.”

That threw the both of them for a loop. Primus wasn’t the only one watching? 

The changes I made to Primus speaking to Eren as he's begging for his life were tricky, as I wanted to write a statement that would ultimately attack Eren's character. Previous scenes had been altered prior to these moments so the lines had to be changed. For example, Eren was originally supposed to influence Grisha into killing the royal family, but Primus does that by accident when he gets mad at Eren. Meanwhile the 'Mercy is to kind for you’ just feels weak.

Secondly, in the second scene where Zeke is begging for Primus to show mercy to Eren, I wanted to allude to the Primes listening in in order to make their judgement. But the line that I did in the second scene just felt like a throw away line. So I thought it would be better to show it visually via Primus' powered up appearance.

The next thing that I wanted to get into was Primus talking about the power of the titans to both Eren and Zeke, and of Ymir's origins. Primus does manage to see Ymir's memories prior to exiting the tree, but he doesn't feel her emotions, and we'll get to Primus and Ymir a little later, but I definitely had to reconstruct and revise the explanation because it felt rushed.

First rendition:

“You said you didn’t know what was going on!” Zeke shouted.

“I’ve been traveling through 2,000 years worth of history!” Primus declared as he dropped Eren and waved his hand.

Eren and Zeke watched a timeline of memories displayed before them.

“Nine titan powers, 1,385 titan shifters, 2,000 years worth of memories. I’ve seen it all!” Primus shouted, “I’ve seen the destruction the power of the titans have caused regardless of who wields it! Marley or Eldia, both use it for their own selfish and destructive benefit! Yet it is the Eldians that suffer for these mistakes?! A shortened lifespan?! Trauma?! Hatred?! Discrimination?! Death?! All of this started by sheer accident! Because of a little sparkling that was treated horribly by everyone around her!”

Primus pointed to the child sleeping in the sand. “She was unable to speak for years. She was physically abused. She found the power of the titans by accident. She was kidnapped because of this. She was raped. That term doesn’t get thrown around on Cybertron very often! I hope you’re aware of that! Her body was eaten by her own children! Yet all she wanted was love! But everyone saw her as a tool! A weapon! A slave! I know, Zeke Jaeger, that you knew this fact! You knew her history, and you were still willing to force her to do your bidding!”

Not only was this really rushed, but Primus was just too angry in this moment. And while I do make Primus get angry later in chapter 91, I wanted to have Primus have some form of control before slowly getting to a point of anger, specifically with Eren. The second rendition is one that reflects more of the final draft.

Second rendition:

“The Power of the Titans was one contacted by accident,” Primus began, an old voice dripping with ancient wisdom. The sands suddenly shifted beneath the two Titan shifters and began to take form. When the sand finished forming shape, it began to gain details and features. It was Ymir falling and drowning. A centipede like creature was beneath her and attached to her spine. Eren and Zeke covered their eyes as smoke and light consumed her. She transformed into a monstrous titan, towering over the walls, larger than the paths. Her face was nothing more than a skull, and her rib cage protruded out of her body.

“She was taken back to the king, and forced to use her power to kill and destroy others,” Primus continued in that ancient voice as Ymir’s Titan form roared, “She endured suffering, pain, rape. Tragedy after tragedy befell her, but all she wanted was love. She was so desperate to feel any ounce of that, that she died protecting the one who only saw her as a slave.”

Ymir’s Titan form turned to dust, and a new image began to form. Zeke nearly threw up and Eren stared in horror. Three little girls were eating Ymir’s body, their father encouraging them with desperation while the audience stared in horror and disgust.

“Desperate and fearful, the King told his daughters to devour their own mother in order to keep this monstrous power,” Primus continued, “He wanted so badly to maintain his power that he sacrificed his own daughters to get it. And as such, the tragedy continued.”

The sands shifted once more and the Titan shifters saw chaos, war, devastation. The Titans devoured innocent humans while Titan shifters destroyed countries, homes, and lives.

“The cause of that power and desperation has led to this: this carnage, this destruction. For thousands of years, she was trapped here, to make more Titans and Titan shifters. She was alone, watching the cruelty and devastation that humanity had brought amongst themselves.”

Eren and Zeke saw an image of a child, holding his mother in a field of dead, disfigured bodies. The child wept and screamed, crying out hopeless as a Titan lumbered towards him. The child didn’t pay attention, begging for his mother to wake up. The memory disappeared before the Titan devoured the child. They looked over to see Primus closing his eyes with a solemn expression on his face.

“That is the power of the Titans,” Primus declared.

I felt this to be more natural for a few things. One, it's not rushing the explanation of the power of the titans. Obviously, it's not as detailed as the actual episode it stems from, but I wasn't going to recap that whole episode when the reader can watch it. This is also another attempt of the 'Show, don't tell' when it comes to the presence of the Primes. I added the color coding system to make things easier but if you do know your transformers lore, the one that is speaking in an ancient voice is Alpha Trion (Aka George Takei. I should really do a headcanon list of who would voice which Prime).

However the next part of the first draft didn’t have the same flow as the second and final draft. I didn’t have Zeke and Eren confronted and judged individually. I had them both kind of talked down on at the same time:

Eren was shocked by this proclamation and turned to Zeke for confirmation. He wanted to deck him in the face when he saw the guilt on his brother’s face.

“Zeke, how could you?!” Eren shouted.

“You don’t get a say in this!” Primus bellowed at Eren as the memories shifted into ones related to Optimus. Zeke could only blink in confusion as he saw Reiner and Annie’s memories of the titan. One of which Optimus’ tended to Reiner’s wounds and another where he tried to persuade Annie to the island’s side.

“My disciple has done nothing but protect you,” Primus declared, “He’s done nothing but sacrifice his time to protect and train you. He loves you like a son. And what do you do: lie to him, go against his wishes, kill blindly, keep secrets from him, all to cause this:”

Zeke watched in horror as he saw the memories shift into that of the rumbling. Each and every one had the power of the rumbling activated in them.

“Your vengeance,” Primus continued, “Your lust for freedom and power leads to this. And guess what happens to your friends in every iteration, your family, my disciple,”

Eren watched in horror as he watched his friends die in every memory. Armin and Mikasa were resigned to defeat as the Colossal Titans crushed them underfoot. Eren wanted to puke as he saw his future self stab Optimus, killing him over and over and over-!

“Stop!” Eren shouted as he clutched his head, “Please, just stop.”

“I thought this was what you wanted,” Primus challenged, “The road to freedom is paved with blood. But it doesn’t matter! So long as you reach the end!”

“…you…you don’t know…,” Eren whispered.

“Excuse you,” Primus demanded.

“You don’t know what I went through! You don’t know what we went through!” Eren retorted, “We lost so much! I lost my home! My family! I-!”

Eren froze in fear as the god looked at him with such hatred and venom that could kill him where he stood.

“You do not what to test my patience,” Primus declared as he raised his hand to snap his fingers, “’Lost so much?’ My disciple sacrificed so much. I never once wanted to put him back into war, but he had to be called back into it. Of course, your lust for vengeance has lead to your ignorance. You might not even be able to understand. But if you want, I can show you both.”

“Wait-,”

Primus snapped his fingers before Zeke could respond, and the two screamed in pain as an onslaught of memories came flooding in.

To be fair to my younger self, I was writing this back in late 2019? Early 2020? Back when the manga was still being written. So there were still some gaps in knowledge to be had. No Ramzi, no centipede monster, no chapter 139, etc.

Now this is the part in the rough draft where I had intended for Primus to show Eren and Zeke Optimus and Megatron’s memories, but after sitting with the manga ending and overanalyzing everything I didn’t like, I decided to refrain from that. Zeke was a stranger to the Cybertronians, and Eren didn’t deserve to know that truth, not after everything that he was gonna do and had already done. So we’ll skip those memories and jump right back into Primus judging Zeke and Eren.

Zeke ended up throwing up from the dump of information he received while Eren covered his mouth in shock and horror. The abundance of tears coming down his face as he tried to comprehend everything he just witness. Optimus’ sorrow was more unfathomable than he could ever imagine. Everything he lost, everyone he lost, and he still carried on. And he was about to put him through so much more shit.

And Megatron…he finally understood Megatron.

“Now you know,” Primus began as his voice changed back to what they heard initially.

Eren looked up at the god, and saw tears coming down his face.

“Now you know what I had to witness,” Primus proclaimed, “And how I was unable to do a thing about it.”

Eren wanted to fucking sob. To see tears coming down the face of someone he trusted and loved. This must be what Optimus felt on the inside, all the time.

“I-I,” Eren stuttered, “I-I’m s-so-,”

“Sorry,” Primus finished as he wiped the tears, “You don’t mean that. I can see your intentions. You still wish to activate the rumbling and destroy the world. I have seen your struggles. I have seen what you have lost, but this power should not have fallen into the hands of your species in the first place.”

Primus turned his back on the both of them. “The power of the titans ends today.”

“Then let me do my plan!” Zeke pleaded, causing Eren to look at him in shock.

Primus looked back at Zeke with hatred. “Why? I just showed your four million years worth of memories. From both Optimus and Megatron. You’ve seen the decisions they made and how unbelievably flawed your plan is from their experiences. So why do you want to prevent the creation of new life?”

“The Eldians are already doomed. The world thinks horribly of them. Of us,” Zeke proclaimed, “The Eldians will continue to suffer even if you take the power of the titans away. The Eldians are considered a common enemy. Their death will unite the world and-!”

Primus forced Zeke in the air and began choking him once more.

“You ignorant fool!” Primus shouted, “You disgust me!”

“Nothing can be done to change their minds,” Zeke strained.

“Please! I’m begging you!” Eren pleaded as he crawled to the god and grabbed his pant leg, “There must be a memory that you’ve seen! You must’ve seen something in my memories to understand what I’m trying to do!”

“I’ve already seen it,” Primus proclaimed, “I’ve seen nearly 1,000 iterations of the future you wish to create. But your future has little chance of success. And even if it does, it hurts everyone. My disciple, Megatron, Armin, Mikasa, the Survey Corps, the island, innocent Eldians that had nothing to do with the attack on Paradis. I can’t risk it on a whim. I can’t allow you to put Optimus through more suffering.”

“Then the Eldians are as good as dead!” Eren proclaimed, “They’ll die because you’ve killed us and left the island defenseless! They’ll die because of you-!”

Primus choked him and lifted him in the air as well before turning his attention to Zeke. “So what? I let the both of you do what you want? You wish to destroy your own people without considering what they want! That they have a desire for freedom! They have a right to live!”

Primus turned his attention to Eren. “Meanwhile, you wish to destroy the entire world! You say that you wish to protect your friends, your family, the island, but you will inflict the same action done to you on the rest of the world! I cannot allow you to do something Unicron would do, on the off chance the island is spared! You say you don’t want to cause Optimus suffering, yet here you are, putting Optimus through more inner turmoil than ever! Constantly forcing his hand when he has done nothing but protect you!”

Eren and Zeke were forced on the ground. Eren grunted in pain while Zeke was screaming.

“I cannot allow either of you to proceed with your plans!” Primus declared as he raised his hand, “And I will kill you where you stand! I cannot let you continue using this curse.”

“P-please,” Eren grunted, “I’m begging you. Let me do my plan. Please!”

Primus narrowed his eyes. “Why should I let you destroy the world? My own people have destroyed each other, over and over again. I won’t let the same thing happen to another world, not when I have the capability to do something now.”

I didn’t like how I wrote this. I didn’t like Primus’ temper continuously getting the better of him. It felt too much like Unicron. I didn't like that I didn't get to the heart of both Eren and Zeke's problems and flaws. I hated how rushed it felt. I hated that I kept having Primus choke people! Why was I doing that?!

It's ultimately why I had to give Zeke and Eren their separate moments of judgement. And because Zeke was given a rather brief backstory, his judgement and breakdown was easier to do. And I go into more detail about him and Eren here.

But for the 2nd rendition:

Zeke stood up, fearful yet determined. “Then let me do my plan, please.”

Primus opened his eyes and stared at Zeke, causing him to almost lose his nerve, but he pushed forward anyway.

“You know better than anyone the loss and devastation the powers have created,” Zeke reasoned, “The Eldians suffer more than anyone, be they devoured, turned into Titans, or becoming Titans shifters, shortening their life. The world lives in fear of the Titans and the Eldians. If the Eldians didn’t produce any more children, then the world would be free from the Titans within a century. The Eldians wouldn’t have to suffer in a world that hates them. Maybe the Eldians would die off, but it is a small price to pay if the rest of the world is safe.”

Primus stared blankly at Zeke and sighed. “Even if I agreed that killing your people would be the best way to save the world, your plan would change nothing.”

Zeke and Eren watched the sand shift underneath their feet once more before making an image of Zeke in his Titan form roaring.

“If you were to get the path you wished,” Primus began in another ancient voice, once that sounded softer and sad, “The Eldians would no longer produce any children of their own. As a result, the Eldians outside of Marley are executed or used for combat, the world reasoning that the people are going to die out anyway and that ridding them sooner would be the better option. Meanwhile, Marley becomes desperate. Because of this lack of technology compared to the rest of the world. They begin to turn more and more of the Eldians into Titans. Starting with the elderly and the sick, then the adults, and finally, the children. Including your grandparents. Marley uses all the Titans within fifty years, and they haven’t advanced technologically compared to the rest of the world. They plunder and destroy as much as they can, and when the Titans are truly gone, the world’s hatred is directed at Marley.”

Zeke’s Titan disappears and changes into the Marleyans running for their lives as outside forces chased and killed them. Zeke watched in horror as he watched a general give orders to his men.

“Marley is destroyed, and wiped from the Earth as a result of their reckless actions. The nations Marley conquered with the power of the Titans as put under the rule of the rest of the world.” Primus declared, “The world is still not at peace. The carnage and destruction leads to uneasy alliances and fear of more retaliation. People will only continue to look for someone to hate, in order to justify their actions, but in the end, everyone dies.”

Zeke’s legs trembled before his knees hit the sand. Tears of despair fell down his face as he shook his head. “There...there has to be something else.” 

“I have seen different variations,” Primus explained, “But the result has been the same. I am sorry, Zeke Jaeger.”

Zeke didn’t respond to that. How could he? All of his efforts to free the world of Titans, would have amounted to nothing. The Eldians never find true peace, and the world becomes more chaotic due to the power vacuum. Tom’s dreams and his efforts...were all for nothing.

“It’s like some kind of joke,” Zeke whimpered, wrapping his arms around himself and bending over, his tears hitting the sand. He hurt so many people, he killed so many people! What was it all for?!

Eren felt pity for him. Despite all that Zeke did, he remembered that feeling of helplessness and defeat. When he realized he wasn’t special, when he realized his life really had no value, and when he realized all his efforts for a better world led to more of his comrades dying. Primus felt that same pity. He reached out towards Zeke, but Zeke moved away from his touch. Primus lowered his arm in defeat, leaving Zeke and turning to Eren. Eren struggled with his chains, wanting to run away and get to Ymir, but Primus used his power to tighten his chains.

Zeke is trying to calmly plead his case while Primus gives him a rather reluctant explanation. Initially I was going to have Zeke crumble immediately and show no resistance to Primus, since he really didn't do much to fight back against the Rumbling until Armin came in during the main story. But I really thought about it. This was something that Zeke had been working towards for so long and to have someone else tell him that his and Ksaver's dreams were for nothing would really destroy him, which is why I had him show resistance before breaking.

As for Eren, I'm not going to put the 2nd rendition of his talks with Primus because it's almost identical to the final draft with a few tweaks. And since Eren is the main character in the story, his judgement and conversations with Primus are going to take longer, especially when discuss Armin, Mikasa, Optimus, his main motivation being his mother’s death, the Survey Corps, and Eren’s own selfishness.

However I will put the remaining of the first rendition:

“I-it,” Eren yelled as the pain got worse, “It m-must have been hard.”

Primus raised an eyebrow.

“Watching your own creation, battle each other in a civil war,” Eren continued, “Watching your own disciple battle in war all over again, when all he wanted was peace. Watching your own nearly go extinct. It must’ve been so hard.”

Eren forced his head up to look at Primus. “But it must’ve been harder, watching them suffer in the caste system. Optimus got to live in peace, but other like Megatron suffered. They were left to die for years. Their body parts sold. No justice! No peace! It must’ve been so hard to watch!”

“Megatron-!”

“Megatron had nothing!” Eren shouted, “He didn’t even have a name because no one thought he deserved it! He watched people die in the mines and die in the arena and die in the war! Do you think Megatron would do that if he was allowed freedom?! If he had someone to help him?! He believed if he died, he would have the most value! That’s too fucked up!”

“Megatron gained knowledge,” Primus retorted, “He knew from right and wrong. He knew that the path of destruction was wrong!”

“It was all he knew!” Eren declared, “He believed it was the only way for his enemies to listen! And…maybe it is!”

“Excuse you?!” Primus demanded.

“If Megatron didn’t rise up to power, how long would it have been until someone else did?!” Eren demanded, “How long until someone else realized how messed up the caste system was and fight back?! How many more of your people would’ve died?! How many years would it have been?! And the only thing you could do was sit by and do nothing?!”

“…it was not my place,” Primus whispered.

“But you knew you could have done better, which is why your intervening now,” Eren proclaimed, “You don’t want it to happen again!”

“Then why do you want to destroy the world?!” Primus demanded.

“Because talking isn’t going to solve a thing! Not anymore!” Eren answered, “Megatron knew violence was the only way to get others to listen. Action, brutality, finally got them to wake up! That’s the only way for the people on this world to listen!”

“You know there were opportunities to resolve the situation in a peaceful manner,” Primus reminded, “You’ve seen it happen.”

Eren shook his head in the sand. “It’s not enough. I…have to do this! This is the only way for there to be peace!”

“Through violence?” Primus demanded.

“Through hope,” Eren answered, “Through Optimus,”

“If you go down this path, you will die in every scenario,” Primus proclaimed, “You do not see the outcome of your plan.”

Eren felt tears welling up in his eyes. “I know.”

“There is a high chance your plan will not succeed,” Primus declared.

“I know,” Eren whimpered as his tears fell.

“Your friends, your family, everyone you know, may never forgive you,” Primus declared.

Eren quietly sobbed. “I know.”

“Then why?” Primus asked, “Why continue down this path?”

Eren lifted his head, despite the pain coursing through him. “BECAUSE I WAS BORN INTO THIS WORLD! BECAUSE I WANT TO BE FREE! I KNOW MY EXISTENCE MEANS NOTHING IN THE GRAND SCHEME OF EVERYTHING! THAT I’M NOTHING MORE THAN A MERE INSTANCE IN THE UNIVERSE! THAT DOESN’T MEAN I DON’T CARE! MY FRIENDS! MY FAMILY! OPTIMUS! THEY MEAN EVERYTHING TO ME DESPITE THE SHORT LIFE I HAVE! I KNOW THEY’LL NEVER FORGIVE ME, BUT IF THEY GET TO LIVE I DON’T CARE! I’M BEGGING YOU! HAVE FAITH IN ME! LET ME SAVE THE PEOPLE I LOVE! LET ME END THIS TRAGEDY!”

Looking back, I genuinely hated how I wrote this out. But a few things before I get into that. I originally had a plot line where Megatron does find Eren being in Marley but Eren manages to blackmail him into silence. I’ll probably do an alternate scene of that later. But I was originally going to have Eren empathize with Megatron, especially after he sees Megatron’s full life and gets a better understanding of him. However Megatron and Eren’s relationship doesn’t really grow outside of acquaintances at best, and Megatron has been cautious of Eren and his motivation for the most part. So there’s no real change in their dynamics and that’s fine.

However the main reason why I now hate how I wrote this scene out is because I made Eren sound too damn heroic. His ultimate plan is genocide, and him later formulating a plan to make his friends the heroes was a late minute ditch effort to protect them doesn’t change anything. He wanted to see his sight of freedom by destroying the world. He shouldn’t be lauded for it. He should be condemned for it.

I’ll get into Primus’ ultimate decision in a moment, but what I want to get into now, is Primus and Ymir: the most important moment in AOP. The interaction between two deities and the one act of kindness that does destroy the Paths. The minute Ymir’s backstory was introduced, I wanted to create a moment of compassion between the two. And I just realized! I don’t have the original draft for it! I kept editing the same draft until I got the final draft and now I don’t have it anymore. Or most of it! Nooooo…..

So! I will give a few points of what I had originally written.

-I was originally going to have Ymir speak to Primus. I ultimately retconned it because we never hear Ymir speak in the original show. In the final draft, I do have Ymir ask ‘why’ to Primus, but that was pretty much it. She does speak a few words in this draft.

Ymir’s eyes brightened as she sharply turned her head to look at Primus. The life missing reappearing, revealing her eyes to be a brilliant purple. “…you...,”

Tears poured from her eyes once again as her lips trembled. “…you…,”

Primus gave her a warm smile, happy to see the life come back into her eyes. “Do you wish to come with me?”

Ymir gripped his hands deathly tight. “…please…,”

-Primus originally didn’t use Onyx’s mask in order to peer into Ymir’s life from her perspective. I added it into the final draft as another ‘show, don’t tell’ situation regarding the Primes, and I just thought it would be a better way of Primus getting a better understanding of Ymir.

-I originally didn’t have Primus give Ymir his jacket, or even talk about Unicron to her, but I wanted to show Primus’ acts of compassion compared to that of Unicron, who would no doubt see Ymir as a parasite.

-The ‘Because I heard your cry and wanted nothing more than to save you’ line from Primus was one that was developed overtime as well. I wanted to keep that in the final draft to show Primus’ care for Ymir. He didn’t come to AOT to end the power of the titans initially. Or even to stop Eren and Zeke. He didn’t know about them until he got into the Paths. He only came because he heard Ymir’s cry for help. There was no cosmic reason or even destiny behind it. It was just compassion.

-The Paths being warped into a field of flowers wasn’t in the initial rough draft. I was just going to have Primus break down the tree. But then I got inspired by IDW and incorporated those field of flowers in there. For more on that, go here.

So the one issue that I was currently having now, near the end of the chapter, was Eren getting the power, because I did plan for Primus to hand it over to him. But I needed it to make sense in a way. Because Primus, under normal circumstances, wouldn’t have allowed Eren to enact his plan. But, and I was trying to be clear on this in the actual chapter, Eren had done so much damage to the timeline that they were in, that with Primus’ limited powers, he can only do damage control. Part of that damage control was giving Eren a choice in what he wanted to do. And originally I had Zeke call him out on it, but it felt like Primus was just dodging Zeke’s points by bringing up his own failings and it didn’t sit right with me.

“This is the power of the titans,” Primus declared. “It attached itself to the Little One when she was trying to escape from the king and his guards. She did not choose to have this power. It latched itself onto her. It was only by chance that she managed to find it in the first place.

Tears spilled out of Eren’s eyes. He couldn’t believe it. He couldn’t believe that this god was letting him do this. He fell to his knees and bowed before Primus.

“Thank you,” Eren whispered, “Thank you so much.”

“But heed my warning, Eren Jaeger. It doesn’t matter the motivation. It doesn’t matter the goal. If you go down the path, no one will be by your side,” Primus declared, “Your friends, your family, everyone will turn their back on you. No one will care for the purpose. They’ll just see the actions and destruction that you’ve caused. No matter what side, you will never be seen as a hero. You will only be seen as a monster. Are you really ready to travel down this path?”

Eren stood up and wiped his tears away. “No, but in order survive and live, we must fight.”

Primus sighed as he put his hand on Eren’s head.

“I know,”

Eren gasped as Primus pushed him backwards. He couldn’t feel his arms and looked down to see them disappearing into sand. Eren began seeing a distorted image of the god’s true form before he fell through the sand like water.

“You idiot!” Zeke shouted as he stomped over to Primus, “You have no idea what you’ve unleashed! Eren’s influenced by his father!”

“You and I both know that Eren was never influenced by his father,” Primus responded calmly.

“Then why let him destroy the world?!” Zeke demanded, “This cycle will never end! Eren will kill everyone! And you entrusted everything on him!”

“I don’t trust him for a second,” Primus declared.

Zeke blinked. “What?”

“Eren’s plan has a very low chance of success,” Primus explained, “But your plan will have no chance at success. Marley will fall apart, all the Eldians will be executed, the conquerors will set their sights on another defenseless country. Nothing changes.”

“So destroying the world is the only option?!” Zeke shouted, “How will Eren’s plan succeed?!”

“…because Optimus won’t let it happen,” Primus answered.

“You-,”

“-are nothing more than a hypocrite,” Primus interrupted, “You forced your own to turn into titans as a twisted act a freeing them. Tricking your followers and lying to them. Now, you wish to render them unable to create children.”

“I have-,”

“Why?” Primus demanded as he turned to Zeke, “Because it’s your duty? In freeing your people, your force them to do what you want, like your father did. You force them to die. You force this sparkling to do your bidding, knowing exactly what she went through during her life! You are just like your father.”

Zeke was about to retort, but began thinking over every action that he did. The weight of his actions took over and he fell to his knees and began crying. Primus ignored Zeke and turned his attention to Ymir, who fell asleep in his arms. The god looked up at the stars and sighed.

“Optimus, forgive me,” Primus said.

Again, this feels rushed, doesn’t it? Anyway, there is still the idea of Primus’ own failings in his decision of giving free will to someone with nefarious intention. And without giving away too much, instead of Zeke, someone else is going to call him out on it instead. Because despite the fact that Primus is a benevolent god, he can be an ignorant one at best and a neglectful one at worst.

Okay that is all I have for the alternative scenes for chapter 91. Next time, I will be discussing the stuff in Retaliation and Last Ditch Effort, as there were rough draft ideas that just never made it into the final product. And I have two asks games (one with prompts and the other discussing music in my fanfic) still available to ask. So I wouldn’t mind if you asked those questions. Thank you!

[creatively-cosmic]

Hi Starry, I’m back! :D

I’m glad you like the questions and that they aren’t annoying, because every bit of lore I read is like a taking a shot of dopamine lmao. And that picture of Fire getting a hug 🥹 brightened up my whole day. Trust me when I say that you guys reposting pictures and adding content to older ones isn’t obnoxious in the slightest. The art (at least for me) makes it easier to digest and form connections about the story in my head, plus y’alls art is great—who wouldn’t want to look at it? The lore/art in the last one was particularly interesting. (Like, young Red looks like such an polite, upstanding citizen and then you scroll down two pages and now it’s like “Tf you lookin crazy for”? Was that an implication that Steven had something to do with Red going missing/becoming Glitchy? And Leaf is funking DEAD?-)

Anyways, you know what that means! Question time: Leaf Edition!

The First (and most obvious) question: What happened to Leaf? Why is the homegirl dead? (Why was Leaf being dead, out of all the things I’ve seen so far, the one thing I wasn’t expecting?)

Second: What’s the relationship between Leaf, Fire and Blue? You said that Blue and Fire’s murder-suicide loop was spurred on by her death, so were they friends before she died? Did they see it?

And two smaller questions: How tall are the main four (Red, Blue, Fire, Leaf)? And do they have Pokémon Teams? If so, what are their teams looking like?

That’s all till next time! Have a good day/afternoon/night wherever you are!

TUMBLR FUCKING CRASHED HALFWAY THROUGH ANSWERING THIS ASK IM SO MAD FUCK. FUCKKK

We honestly can't thank you enough for all your questions, compliments, and just overall being a huge sweetheart. We're really happy you've been enjoying these, and whatever dopamine you get from seeing these, we probably get like. TENFOLD, just for seeing someone so interested, and giving us a chance to talk about this wild ride of a story. So really- thank you. This has been a delight!

This one is gonna be REALLY long (I have to rewrite fucking HALF OF IT now DAMMIT), as we want to talk on the stuff you crossed out, too.

(I'll put their heights and teams in a follow-up post btw, so watch for that.)

1. Red.

Young Red is an interesting point in time. See, he and Blue had a LOT in common- a lot more than you might think. Of course, Red was a good kid, genuinely- always so caring for his Pokemon, kind and passionate about them. He was polite to the people around him, and always soft spoken, when or if he spoke at all. The adults around Kanto and his hometown always adored him for how well mannered he seemed- a real role model, and stand up child. Just a bit shy.

In all truth though, Red moreso had a very strong mask. One that he only dropped, allowing himself to relax and act like himself around one person: his best friend, Blue.

Both of those boys were a lot more immature and competitive with each other- the main difference being Blue didn't hide it like Red did. They LOVED competing, always trying to one up each other in everything they did. When they were together, Red wasn't afraid to speak his mind, signing or whispering to his friend with a smug grin on his face. Around his friend, Red could really be himself, and they both loved it. Having so much fun, roughhousing and taking jabs and just being children around each other. A lot of people, when seeing this, would assume Blue- who was always rude and a bit more standoffish- was a bad influence, but really, the two couldn't be happier than they were with each other.

... When you spend God knows how long, trapped in a dimension with no human life, desperate and angry with unholy forces eating away at your mind, will, and sanity. Let's just say masking doesn't end up staying a necessary skill. A good portion of why Red being Like That now is honestly? Just because he just gave up on trying to make himself presentable.

He has bigger problems now than worrying about how people see him, anyways.

2. Steven.

I'll try to keep this short, as the Strangled Red elements of this story could warrant it's own post entirely.

To put it simply: Steven is, in part, directly responsible for Red's fate.

It wasn't HIS decision, mind you. He barely even thinks for himself anymore. But there were things that wanted Red, and Steven is very suggestible when it takes the right approach. So it lays itself out so simply.

Red trusted Steven, after all. Idolized him. Missed him. Would follow him anywhere. What better possible option could there be?

Of course Steven is the one to drown that boy on the coast of Cinnabar.

3. Leaf. (cw for animal death.)

Finally, the star of the show for this ask (as if this isn't long enough already). I can see why the information for her is more supriding as we haven't posted as much for her, which. We do feel bad about- our ability and motivation to make art for her was severely hindered by our struggle (I'm talking MONTHS) to make a design for her that we were happy with. Her story is WELL figured out, though, so we're glos we get to discuss! And now that her design is actually finalized, there should be more visual stuff for her coming.

So what happened?

Well! As is the entire premise of Missing Numbers, each major individual is based off of various Pokepastas. The easiest way to answer that is one of two of Leaf's sources:

Abandoned Loneliness.

But first, we have to go further back.

Fire was not the only Vessel made by the Almighty.

... He was the first, and the favorite. But he wasn't the only one. Leaf was the other.

Once Fire had come to Palette town, the next Game was set to begin any time now. But as the Almighty looked down on the world, He looked back at the others that had been built, and realized that the new Kanto was missing something. An alternative option. Though He was reluctant to change the structure of the world, it was, by all means, an improvement, and something the Players would expect after the past Generations.

She was less meticulously made than her brother. She kept her Heart and Mind about her, as there wasn't time, nor was it safe, to rid her of them like Fire. She would serve well enough as a Vessel regardless- and she did, as when the Game began, Leaf was chosen as the player's Avatar. (Not quite what the Almighty had expected, but the choice had been given for a reason, so it would be foolish to change anything now...)

Blissfully unaware of the nature of her existence, Leaf proceeded to go on a triumphant adventure through Kanto.

This is a good time, before we get back to the tragedy, to answer your second question!

Leaf, Blue, and Fire's dynamic changed throughout their journey through Kanto. At the beginning, let's just say things were... Tense.

Fire acted hollow, in the beginning, as he was meant to. Genuinely, it was fully expected that he'd be chosen as the players Avatar. So without it, he was left... Quiet and cold. It seemed he didn't care for anyone- not Blue, nor his sister.

Blue, meanwhile, was NOT in a good headspace. But at this point, after about two years passed since Red's dissapearance, he'd learned to hide those feelings. The people of Palette town, including his Rivals, knew him as this bitter, irritable person, resentful towards the world for incomprehensible reasons.

Leaf was the only "normal" one, basically. A cheerful, excited girl, whose heart bled for everyone she cared about and always tried to stand for the right thing. She didn't know where she came from... She had no memories of her life before "Red" and Hazel (Fire's mother) Yuuji found her, seemingly abandoned in the tall grass just outside of Palette Town, under the falling autumn leaves. Taken in as a part of their family, she grew attracted quickly, her loyalty and love and impulsive need to protect coming to be what she was known for.

With all this given, when the journey started. Leaf HATED Blue- he seemed to despise and bully her brother more than anyone. Blue didn't like Leaf much either, but wasn't as harsh towards her as he was Fire. Fire was as... Neutral as ever. But he silently followed the two once they went out, almost as if he wanted to watch over them. Ensure their safety.

As the journey continued, over time, away from the stuffiness of their hometown, the three started to grow closer. Maybe the fresh air was doing Blue good. Maybe Leaf was learning more about the world. Maybe Fire's deep brown eyes were growing warmer.

Somehow, a death was the tipping point for all of them to finally become friends. It's absurd, how grief was the thing driving them apart, but ultimately went to bring them together.

When Blue's Raticate died, he quickly fell back to his lowest point. Angry and hateful and heartbroken, lashing out, and ultimately running away. ... But it put everything in perspective. Through all her guilt (it was in a fight against her, after all, that the Raticate had been so severely injured), Leaf suddenly understood why Blue had been so horrible before: he was mourning. And he needed someone. It didn't make her forgive him, but it made her extend a hand.

And for once, knelt over the grave of a lost Pokemon, Blue accepted it. From that act of kindness, Blue genuinely began to get along with the others, and slowly, the trio came to be friends- all the way up to and after the Championship, where despite losing again, Blue felt closer to the others than ever.

... It seems in this world, good things don't last.

The events of Abandoned Loneliness happened several months after Leaf became champion. When revisiting Raticate's grave with Blue, Leaf came across a peculiar Pokemon- a horribly sickly little Eevee, too weak to even cry. Leaf had never been the kind to leave a Pokemon in need to fend for itself- kindly, she took the little stray into her care, determined to nurse it back to health.

The properties of Glitched or Corrupted Pokemon aren't something I need to dive into right now this is already ungodly long. What's important is that the Eevee was not a natural Pokemon. It should've been dead.

It always starts with a Pokemon that should've been dead.

Let's just say... Everything unraveled from there. Fully explaining what the events of Abandoned Loneliness translates to in Missing Numbers isn't something I have the energy to write at the moment (this is so long and I've been putting off finishing it cause I'm still mad all my initial writing got deleted >_<).

The important part comes down to Leaf's demise at the hands of this "curse." Bonded to that sickly little Eevee, when the world pushed her to put it out of its misery- voices of the damned screaming, unbearable, suffocating, demanding she DO IT DO IT DO IT, you can't bear to watch it suffer anymore, after all... The destiny bond it held her in dragged her down with it.

Nobody witnessed her death. She was alone and isolated at the foot of a mountain. She thought she could solve everything herself. Thought she could handle it all.

Her body was only found days later, curled up on the ground, rotting blood seeping from her eyes, with the body of the poor little Eevee in her arms. Trapped and suffocated by the hands that killed it. It was far too late. To maje it worse, her friends were the first to know of her death.

Fire was the one who found her body, after all.

Leaf's demise was a SEVERE breaking point, and unlike Fire, she didn't get a chance to be revived by God. Her modern presence in the world was not... Authorized, let's just say. Leaf had to claw and fight to keep hold of herself and climb back to existence in ways unprecedented, and believed to be impossible. But despite being a corrupted entity, her body was stable. And so, rather than Smite her as he would other Glitches, the Almighty decided to make good of an unintended situation: He could make use of her. A man on the inside is a powerful tool, after all.

So long as He kept her anger for her fate targeted towards the "true" threats.

I could keep going but I've babbled on way too much already for this post lol. I'm so sorry about the delay on this one- life REALLY got in the way. And Tumblr's buggy ass mobile app 💀

hopefully i can elaborate more without any crashing in the next round if there is one ashfshf

[stormoftara]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

I was tagged by @mysterygreentea thank you!!

I have two ao3 accounts I use regularly so I'll be answering for both!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

On hcsf: 68

On stormoftara 215

2. What’s your total word count?

On hcsf: 362,281

On stormoftara: 1,185,425

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Too many to count, but currently Hermitcraft/Life series. Previously it was Undertale, Omori and Osomatsu San

4. Top 5 fics by kudos

On hcsf: A Game of Love, Distances and Lies, Scar is Oblivious, Truth or Dare, Dick Measuring Contest

On stormoftara: The Dreamer, If not you then me, The Heaviness of a Heart, Drunken Ramblings, UN//Forgotten

5. Do you respond to comments?

Oh how I try… but fail. I'm sorry.

6. What’s the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Uhhhhh. That's a good question. Maybe Missing, an Osomatsu San fic about Karamatsu dying. 

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

That's hard too. I write a lot of angst. Lots of my short fics are fluffy and have good endings. I can't think of one thats like super happy. 

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Yeah. Some of my Omori fics for reasons I don't understand. At one point I had one person really harassing me about it. I don't know why honestly. 

9. Do you write smut?

Yeah. Most of my highest kudos fics on hcsf are smut, if the fuc title "Dick Measuring Contest" is any hint lmao

10. Do you write crossovers?

Sure do! Mostly Mob Psycho 100/Osomatsu San. But there are other, much stranger things 

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not really. I've had some really close plagiarism, in which someone took my exact idea, but thats not really stealing. I was mad that there were comments on the other fic saying it was the best thing they ever read when it was a copy of my work, but eh... On Wattpad someone stole my story from reddit, but that particular story has been stolen and it's everywhere. It shows up a bunch in those YouTube videos where people read reddit posts too. That's not a fic and I'm not that upset since they usually credit me.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yup! One Undertale fic and one Omori fic. There might be others, but those ones I know for sure!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Nope and I wouldn't do that. I can't write like that.

14. What’s your all-time favorite ship?

I dunno. I like a lot of things. I guess TotoNyaa and Scarian 

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you will?

I have about 50. I don't think I'll finish any of them. There's an Undertale fic and an Omori fic I want to finish but I don't have time. Sigh.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Writing fast. I have no lack of ideas.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Grammar. I write too fast and forget words. I get lazy and I don't edit things or polish them like I should 

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language?

Nah. It's confusing for the reader. If someone is speaking another language I either translate it in the text or if the Narrator doesn't understand I just say that.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Marble Hornets

20. Favorite fic you’ve ever written?

A Game of Love. It's also by far my most popular fic so I'm happy that others like it too!

[nyc-on-tv]

The Man (and People) Who Tried to Sell the World: Mad Men

In 2018, I started grad school and I started Mad Men. This wasn’t my first time watching, or to be clear, it wasn’t my first time trying to watch it. I tried for five years prior to that. But like many people who don’t venture into older media, I found it hard to get into because it was a period drama (which is funny because most people think of corsets and top hats and old British people talking as period dramas, but its really anything that takes place in another time). Mad Men was in a time I would never live in and felt outdated. But I think that initial mentality was my youthful outlook making me think I could never understand the appeal of the past (despite the fact that I love music from the 80’s and other generations that I was not a part of). It’s just a show about the 60s. But like the show’s deuteragonist Peggy, I had to try something different, and it really helped me. I chose to watch it as a character study for everyone involved. I found myself making mental checklists of how I wanted each character to grow if I was gonna keep watching and with that perspective the show kept getting better.

The show takes place in 60’s Manhattan at what I imagine was the height of advertising (I haven’t investigated the truth in that perspective). Companies were booming, creativity was on the rise, and the future was Coming with a capital C for everyone but Don Draper.

Don Draper, as an aside, was the real man of myth and legend in the show, we saw him coming to grips with his identity, making himself his biggest advertising challenge to sell himself the world. And what I mean by that is every move this man makes is calculated so he can achieve what he deems the life a white man like him should want. But, later on, in the back of his mind we can see he struggles with a multi-layered imposter syndrome that no one can really help him with (which as a new grad student, imposter syndrome was a wildly familiar feeling). Because of his status and problems (often caused by himself), every decision he makes changes the course of the show, granted he is the protagonist but truly getting to see how his actions affect everyone else makes watching everyone else a bit more interesting. In my mind, it actually makes watching the show for Peggy Olson the better watch than for Don Draper. Peggy starts as his first assistant in the show and becomes an astronaut of

advertising due, in part, to how Don molds her and guides her, but later as a character independent of him.

The show really takes advantage of its 1960’s setting to show off 60’s fashion, food, and New York culture. Unfortunately, the show also emphasizes civil rights issues of the time and (rampant, as my girlfriend likes to say) misogyny are also highlighted in 1960’s U.S. culture. I say unfortunately because these aren’t moments in our history, we like to revisit because of how much wrongdoing occurred to women and/or people of color. But really, I think, revisiting such moments emphasizes why changes in society are important even if it takes long to get there. This show takes place during the assassinations and rallies of important historical figures and it’s interesting to see how the characters react to (or ignore) such events. It’s also important to imagine how we would react if certain figures we looked up to came and went in our lifetimes.

Overall, this show is a character study I enjoy revisiting... because I see it as an era where people truly started questioning changing things for the better and how advertising can be a reflection of it.

(Speaking of changes, this post was proofread and partially editted by my partner. Her grammar and diction help to articulate my initial thoughts behind this post.)

[johnmurphysgirl]

Edit by @irresponsibear

Title: PSYCHO – JOHN MURPHY

THE HOURS FEEL LIKE DAYS. If it weren't for the guards coming to check on her every couple hours, she's afraid she'll run out of time. Ainsley Ashter has spent the last five years in Solitary confinement. The silence alone was enough to drive anyone mad, let alone someone like her. Five long exhausting years spent staring at four walls, with nobody but herself for company. Even the guards wouldn't speak with her unless they had no choice. 

Not that she blamed them. How do you look at someone who murdered their own parents brutally, with nothing but the metal post of her bed, and her bare hands? The easiest answer? You don't. 

She heaves a sigh, half laying, half sitting on her cot, her elbows propped up so her head rests in her palm. Her other hand simultaneously pulls at a string located on the thin blanket. Any time now, she'll be pulled from her room, and dragged down the corridors until they reach the air lock. From there, she'll be locked inside until Jaha presses a button, and then she'll be sucked out to space. A supposed instantaneous death awaits her. 

Keeping busy is the only way Ainsley knows to keep the demons at bay. Well, as long as she could. She's in the process of pulling one of the strings in the threading loose, when she hears the thudding of boots hitting just outside her cell. The door squeaks open forcefully, followed by four guards entering quickly. Each looking more nervous than the next. 

"Prisoner 179, turn and face the wall!" The guardsman, Walker, shouts leaving no room for arguments. 

Ainsley does as she's told. She knows the inevitable fate that awaits her, and there's not really any sense in fighting it. At least now she'll find out what it's like to die. If there's anything on the other side; if there were some truth to May we meet again. 

God, she hopes not. 

"So, what are my chances of having a last supper?" Ainsley mutters sarcastically from her position facing the wall, but not one guard dared to answer her. It's easy to assume it's because they are all afraid that she'd lash out, but the truth is; she accepts it. Her destiny. 

Guardsman Nikolas is surprisingly the first person to approach her from behind, albeit a little hesitant. Ainsley doesn't even have a chance to react, before he's shoving a needle in the side of her neck. The effects of the sedative work quickly as the world around Ainsley blurs. The last thing she remembers is the stinging sensation of something on her wrist. 

★──────────★

A groan leaves her lips simultaneously while her eyes flutter open. Once her eyes adjusted, she took notice of people strapped to seats in some kind of dropship. Some were awake, and some still trying to shake off the aftereffects of the sedative the guards used. Some has even taken the liberty to stare at Ainsley horror-struck. Out of solitary for five damn minutes and she already missed the silence. 

"Prisoners of the Ark, hear me now." Chancellor Jaha's voice rang out, coming from a monitor in the center of the dropship. His head held high, and it was at this moment that realization struck Ainsley. He's sending them to Earth. "You've been given a second chance, and as your Chancellor, it is my hope that you see this as not only a chance for you, but a chance for all of us, indeed for mankind itself." 

She frowns at Jaha's words, not really understanding how it's a second chance when he's sending them to a radioactive planet that's been uninhabitable for nearly a hundred years. Yet they call her a psychopath. Ainsley can't help but see the humor in it, as she scoffs. 

"We have no idea what's waiting for you down there," Jaha continues. "If the odds of survival were better, we would've sent others. Frankly, we're sending you because your crimes have made you expendable." 

"Oh, for the love of God and all that is holy, really? Does he actually believe this bullshit?" Ainsley scoffs, letting out a bitter chuckle. "Me, I can see it. Others? Not so much."

 A few heads turn her way, but they are quickly drawn away by a guy yelling further down the dropship. 

"Your dad's a dick Wells!" 

Wells.. Wells Jaha? Wow. Seems like the Chancellor himself sent his own son to die. Ainsley isn't surprised that one sentence is enough to send the delinquents into a fit of laughter. 

Ainsley shakes her head, and goes back to brooding. Her eyes sweep over the delinquents, before looking back up at the screen. The Chancellor's face causes her to roll her eyes again. He really seemed to believe the bullshit coming out of his own mouth. It infuriates her, and she doesn't even know why.

 

"Those crimes will be forgiven," Jaha continues after a pause. "Your records wiped clean. The drop site has been chosen carefully. Before the last war, Mount Weather was a military base built within a mountain. It was to be stocked with enough non-perishables to sustain three hundred people for up to two years." 

"Spacewalk Bandit strikes again!" 

"Woo!" 

"Go Finn!" 

The shouts coming from various delinquents causes Ainsley's head to abruptly spin in their direction. Her eyes land on who she assumes must be Finn, the space walk Bandit, who is currently hovering in the air. It's stupid of him, to be doing something so reckless. Even she, who had been locked up for five years, knows exactly what will happen when they reach the Earth's atmosphere. 

He will slam against the wall. The force of the impact probably killing him on the spot if he's lucky. If he's not, well, he will suffer before he dies. Either way, the end result will be the same. Ainsley can't help but be curious about what will happen to him after he's dead. Is there an afterlife, or would who he is never have mattered at all? 

Finn floats towards the Chancellor's son himself, Wells Jaha, and a blonde girl Ainsley doesn't actually remember. Unfortunately, Ainsley can't hear the few short words that were spoken, but judging by the expression on Wells' face, it isn't pleasant. Finn is smiling, almost tauntingly, his eyes darting between Wells and the blonde with ease.

"Stay in your seats!" The girl exclaims in the direction of two young boys who thought it would be alright to float around like Finn is. 

The boys ignore the blonde's advice, and almost immediately following, the turbulence starts. It rocks the dropship with such ferocity that Ainsley is already preparing for death. That doesn't stop her from gripping her seat so tight her knuckles are turning white. The screams of the other delinquent fill her ears along with the slamming of bodies against the wall. Her heart beat so loud that Ainsley's afraid of it exploding out her chest. 

The crash jerks Ainsley's head so fiercely that it slams into the boy beside her, the pain enough to make both of them hiss and curse. His head jerks away from hers almost immediately as if he'd been burned, after realizing who she actually is, before he leans far enough away from her and closer to his friend. A deranged scoff escapes her lips. It doesn't take her long to be drawn to the bodies on the ground of the boys who wouldn't listen to the girl. Ainsley morbidly wonders if it would be frowned upon to study them, but figures most-likely it would be so she doesn't. 

Ainsley's seat belt retracts by itself. Ignoring the pang in her head, she stands from her seat and follows the moving delinquents towards the ladder to get to the lower level. Time to see if the remainder of the delinquents would die from radiation, or if this truly is their second chance. Ainsley climbs down the ladder as quickly as she can, and pushes her way to the front of the crowd growing by the doors. Ainsley ignores the whispers surrounding her appearance. It's only a matter of time before they decide she doesn't belong. 

"Stop! The air could be toxic," the blonde from earlier shouts, doing the same as Ainsley pushing herself to the front. 

"If the air is toxic, we're all dead anyway," the man states. He's wearing a guards uniform, but Ainsley doesn't remember ever seeing him on the Ark. 

"Bellamy?" A dark haired girl pushes her way to the front, confusion and awe lacing her features as she approaches him. It's like caution drifted out in the wind when she rushes forward and places her arms around him, his doing the same. 

"My God, look how big you are." Bellamy smiles affectionately. 

"What the hell are you wearing?" The girl takes a tiny step backwards, her nose scrunching up in disgust as she looks over his clothing choice in disdain. "A guard's uniform?" 

"I borrowed it." Bellamy reassures her. "To get on the dropship. Someone has to look out for you." 

Ainsley watches the scene with only mild interest. To be perfectly honest, all she wants is those doors to open. To finally know whether they all will end up like the boys upstairs, or if they'll live. 

"Where's your wristband?" The blonde demands towards Bellamy. 

"Do you mind?" The girl standing next to Bellamy glances at the blonde in annoyance. "I haven't seen my brother in a year." 

"No one has a brother!" 

"That's Octavia Blake! The girl they found hidden under the floor!" 

Ainsley whistles slowly as Octavia tries to lunge forward to get to whoever said that, her face red in anger. In all honesty, Ainsley hopes to see a fight. It doesn't come to one, because Bellamy doesn't let it. He holds Octavia back from the crowd. Bellamy, in not so many words, tells Octavia that they'll give the delinquents something else to remember her by. 

About how grand it'll be to be remembered as the first person on the ground in a hundred years. Ainsley probably should just stay silent, to just watch everything unfold without giving the delinquents any other incentive to not trust her, but where would the fun in that be? Besides, she doesn't exactly know how to keep quiet. Being in the sky box with nobody but herself to talk to, well, she can't stop herself from talking now. 

"It's ninety-seven, actually," Ainsley says, loud enough for all the delinquents to hear. The ones closest to her took a step backwards, leaving just her and the blonde in front of the Blake siblings. The whispers started again, though this time about her, and realization dawned on Octavia. Ainsley could see it in her face. The glare is wiped off and replaced by apprehension. 

Bellamy stares at Ainsley, albeit a bit confused. He can't understand how she could be as insane as others on the Ark have said. He looks over her facial features for only a fraction of a second to be more inconspicuous, and shakes his head. She looks seemingly normal. Her soft features give off an appearance of innocence, one that even reminds him of Octavia. This is a problem he'll have to address soon, but not now. For now, he reaches his hand up to the lever, and pulls. 

The doors to the dropship open slower than Ainsley would like, and she has to put her hands over her eyes to block the onslaught of the sun's violent rays. Once she doesn't have pink dots lining her vision, she takes her first look at their new planet. It's green. The most vibrant shade of green she has ever seen. The sky's the most beautiful shade of blue with white clouds at various intervals throughout the sky. She's pulled away from looking at the trees, when Octavia begins making her way down the platform. One foot plants firmly into the dirt below, followed quickly by her other foot. Octavia holds her arms out in a 'welcome home' gesture, taking in a deep breath. 

"We're back, bitches!" 

This is all that's needed for the delinquents to cheer and scream and race off the dropship, and around the vivid forest. All except for Ainsley. Instead of cheering around like a lunatic, she simply moves to the edge of the platform and sits down. She's filled with a nameless dread as she watches them run around in absolute glee. 

How long will it take before they cast her aside like she's nothing? It's the only thing that keeps her from enjoying the new world around them. Ainsley can already tell Earth is going to be a lot more pain than it's worth. 

What if, after all these years spent alone, she is as insane as everyone thinks she is? The years have not been kind. Her life has never been kind. So why the hell would it start now? 

Read it here

[xtrablak674]

[Live Journal entry from Saturday August 23rd, 2003 mildly edited for clarity]

2:23 pm - bully - part 01

bully

n. pl. bullies

1. A person who is habitually cruel or overbearing, especially to smaller or weaker people.

v. bullied, bullying, bullies

v. tr.

To treat in an overbearing or intimidating manner. See Synonyms at intimidate.

To make (one's way) aggressively.

The primary definition of bully I am not. Unless you perceive yourself as "weaker" then me. The second "to make one's way aggressively" I am. I will not passively sit around and let something or someone make decisions for me, I will get up and do my thing.

I know I am violating some of our unspoken agreement by sending this, but I am having a weaker moment and I was mildly offended you felt I was a bully. I don't think I deliberately try to take advantage of folk or treat them cruelly habitually. I feel like you displace your feelings about your ex-wife on me sometimes. If your angry at me its about other things, and I would prefer you not compare and contrast me to her but allow me to be judged on my on merit exclusively based on how I have treated you.

You may feel an emotional disconnection, but I still love you very much.

current mood: crushed

2:23 pm - bully - part 02

Paul's response:

I did not say that based on how you treat me, its how you treat others.

2:27 pm - bully - part 03

my response to paul:

I am not going to argue the point. But I do NOT think that is a fair assessment by any means.

I am not "nice" and never pretended to be. And I think you have noticed some of the folks I associate with have no common sense. One is doing crack and is HIV positive for god sake. One has AIDS and is doing coke? One got himself in a relationship with someone who is bi-polar and later had the guy move in with him to later have the police remove him. And Susan is such a piece of work I can't say enough, about her. I don't think I bully them when I point these 'facts' out to them. I DO NOT enable folk, I give them the truth as I see it albeit sometimes without tact or consideration for their feelings.

current mood: pensive

2:34 pm - bully - part 04

Paul I am not a bully and you know it. You're mad at me cause I didn't tell you what you wanted to hear. I think you're mad at me because It was me who made the decision to break it off with you and then you agreed with it. I think you're angry cause you miss me as much as I miss you.

But I can't permit you to displace your feelings about your ex-wife and how she treated you on me. I won't deny I have the ability to become a bully, but I am not one. And if you wish to say untruthful things to push me away from you, you are succeeding.

You're hurting and I am hurting also. I know I had a point of weakness yesterday and I wanted something more from you in that moment on the phone, and I am sorry that I am human also. BUT even though I am maintaining and holding it down, I miss you greatly and don't want your money or anything else I want YOU.

I can and will not lie about my feelings about you to myself, it may not have been even appropriate to call you but i was so thrilled about the news I got that you were the only one I wanted to go to to share it with I know that is not currently the nature of our relationship, even though thats what we both want, but we understand why we are where we are. And even though we understand it intellectually its VERY VERY hard emotionally to resolve such strong feelings. I am sorry and will do better in the future.

I know you're trying to hold it together and you're basically doing it all alone due to lack of support systems which makes it that much harder. And your pushing me away is you trying to protect yourself. I am sorry, that I wasn't stronger but even with my support systems, speaking to you melts my resolve and everything I am doing backslides to me wanting to be with you regardless of all thats going on. I apologize, in the future I will be stronger and not be so selfish to put my needs before yours especially since you do not have the kind of support that I do to make it through.

[Whew, there's a lot going on here.

And even though this was twenty years ago, I agree with myself and how I explained myself. This kind of argument is classic for me, you've called me something, let's start with defining the term first before I give a rebuttal. I also love my honesty admitting I wasn't always tactful, but being very bare and raw about how I was feeling emotionally. Curiously I don't even see an attack here. The only thing I may do differently now is obscure my friends identities a bit more, albeit I don't think I was horrible, just trying to make a point.

I also like the fact that I acknowledge the boundaries we established and that my behavior was violating said boundaries. I don't really think I could have communicated more clearly how I was feeling, how I thought he felt, and how we felt about the "us" that was no longer. I have always prided myself on my emotional intelligence, and Paul being in the closet and living in another state was a huge challenge to dating him, and I still think I did my best based on the situation and don't have any regrets about our interaction.

Photo by Brown Estate]

[nathank77]

5/31/24

2:30 a.m Added to/Edited 2:45 a.m

Idk if I'm going to do the 1MG tonight. I'm trying to watch ink master and my eyes have to be glued to the subtitles for two reasons:

1) I need hearing aids bc my speech perception/hearing is not good......

2) the voice is going off talking constantly while I am listening and it gets louder with louder audio... I've been sitting in a lot of fake "silence" today cause even though it's always talking, it's much quieter in silence. Despite that no matter the volume level of the room I'm in is I can make out what it's saying clearly.... I have to pick the dialogue I want to listen to but that doesn't mean I can't hear it. And the more I think about my hallucination the more I hallucinate...... and the more I hallucinate, the more I think about my hallucination... it's a giant awful cycle.

Some days I hallucinate less frequently and I don't think about it as much and then eventually as I get tired I hallucinate more...... and I'm fucking TIRED. But once I get tired and it starts happening more, try to stop thinking about it. Try not to will it away which just makes it stronger and exist more.

I'm not allowed to think about it without creating it.... yet I can't cope with it if I can't think about it. Yet I can't stop thinking about it bc it's almost been a year since my brain permanently broke. I can't even get mad at myself for thinking about it. I can't stop bc it won't stop.

So I'm hardly watching TV, I'm just reading subtitles to hear the dialogue of the tv show I'm watching and drowning out the voice that never stops talking. Can't really watch the images while I read the subtitles....

It's unbearable bc it's worse bc I only got 5 hours of sleep.

I have to worry about tolerance if I do the 1MG and it only makes sense if I do it soon cause the half MG is putting me to sleep.... at 7 a.m or 8 a.m in the morning cause my circadian rhythm is FUCKED.

I'm still worried about my testosterone and I'm worried xanax is going to be a problem cause where is my dr??.....

I really want to die.. I just swiped cause you know I'm eternally alone.. I matched with a fugly ass bitch.

I don't fucking like glasses but if you're going to wear them don't be a fucking weirdo. Do black simple frames or small simple frames. Cecile wore glasses, her glasses were small and I mean not black. Kinda girly. But they worked for her... like she looked cute in them. They were simple...

This girl- my god, this is why I don't like girls with glasses..... and beyond that distort your fucking face in half your photos and then show the real thing.

Yea I'm ugly on the inside but if I had a color printer I'd make a fucking scrapbook diary on paper. With printed out photos and this is my fucking diary so I'm going to be ugly on the inside..

Speaking of, facial hair please grow back fast. I made a big mistake. I look like a hick but I won't shave it all off. EVER.

She's a single mother. Not an issue but I'd rather vomit than consider a girl with fucking rainbow glasses and sparky glasses that take up half her face and she doesn't look like those two photos. Distort your face why don't you?

If you think I'm ugly on the inside for this when I was a teenager I used to print out photos and glue it to my diary... and like I said this is my diary and I'm raw here for a fucking reason. I'd rather fucking vomit than consider her. Even in her distorted photos.

This is my memior, the good, the bad and the ugly. This is what I'm leaving behind when I take my life or die. I'm leaving behind, the words of a mentally ill guy who fought like hell. Who was strong and vulnerable and beautiful and ugly on the inside. The raw truth exposed.

She is the reason I hate fucking glasses on people. They always go so big and fucking ugly. Cecile's were simple and cute. If I date someone with glasses let me tell you it won't be some fugly glasses like this.

Fucking go small and have normal colors!!

[elmaxlys]

Vol 1 "Tango" - Chapter 3 (2/3)

Shinya² training sessions! There's a helpful little box to tell us who's dancing what:

2015: partenaire femme (woman partner) + cavalier homme (man "date" "partner")

2020: il suit (he follows) + il guide (he guides)

Very glad they changed it

"in latin, visual contact is..."

2015: hypra important

2020: hyper important

Hypra doesn't exist. It's either a typo or they mashed hyper and supra together idk but I'm also glad they changed that.

Suzuki not being used to standard music:

2015: Je ne suis pas très habitué à la musique à trois temps du standard.

2020: Je suis pas habitué à la musique à trois temps de la valse.

2020 snipped the "ne" from the negation, which is usually done when Suzuki speaks as he has a more relaxed manner of speaking. "pas très" and "pas" straight up are different: in 2015 he's "not very" used to it and in 2020 he's "not" used to it. Used to what? Well in 2015 it's all standard music and in 2020 it's only waltz.

Does Suzuki dislike standard music?

2015: Je retiens pas ce que j'aime pas. (I don't remember what I don't like)

2020: Je retiens pas ce qui me concerne pas. (I don't remember what has nothing to do with me)

Like. the meaning is very different, what am I supposed to do with that, huh?

Sugiki's answer differs as well

2015: Il est encore trop tôt pour vous pour danser sur de la musique (it's still too early for you to dance on music)

2020: Il est encore trop tôt pour que vous puissiez danser sur de la musique (it's still too early for you to be able/allowed to dance on music)

Yeah, pouvoir can mean both to be able to and to be allowed to, which is making me slightly grind my teeth on bones. And like, I know they're linked! Sugiki will only allow it if he feels Suzuki is ready, but hhhhhhhhhhhhhh, you know?

Suzuki's contra-check and Sugiki's remark about it:

2015: Mais pourquoi vous n'arrivez pas encore à changer de direction?

2020: Mais pourquoi vous n'arrivez toujours pas à changer de direction?

pas encore = not yet (sounds informational) / toujours pas = still not (sounds annoyed)

Suzuki's mind samba:

2015: Réussir à danser une valse à 3 temps en 16, ça tient du génie

2020: Réussir à danser une valse à 3 temps en 8, ça tient du génie

WHAT IS THE TRUTH

False rumors in the world of dance are:

2015: un truc de ouf

2020: hyper malsain

They are not the same thing. Julie Minchin I need receipts. I have no idea how to translate either in English but jhbfvdjhbjfvhk!!!! What I can say for sure is the 2015 one is completely oral slang (it's verlan + a common expression), while the 2020 one is normal speech and sounds way more serious, which reinforces the idea that the rumors are very bad and not just a thing that are very common and completely lie about reality.

Once more, 2015 skips an out of bubble thingy. It's only "Ah" but the bubble is erased to give space for it so it's. noticeable even when you don't have the 2020 with it to compare lol

About Aki and Shinya dating when they were teens:

2015: On l'a fait comme des oufs (we did it like mad people -> a lot)

2020: On a baisé comme des lapins (we fucked like rabbits)

I cannot cope with Shinya saying ouf twice in like 4 pages and with Shinya not saying "fuck" straight up, especially in the edition complete with the little "pour public averti" (aka: 🔞) Baisé sounds more natural in his mouth than ouf. Source: trust me (and Julie Minchin changing her words)

Interesting change!! 2015 uses the casual and oral "on" for "nous" and 2020 uses the proper "nous"! Very understandable as it's Sugiki speaking and he speaks very properly.

[enjamin-the-benitor]

J

John Herschel was faded At Benjamin's apartment Shaking the cobwebs free From the inside of his mind ‘What was this madness? Where was he taken? Bracing, bracing He decided it was best To stay in bed He shut the bedroom door And rested his head Margaret's carriage rolled up To Benjamin's apartment Why did he send for her? What new secrets will she find? The Sun’s early edition Clutched in her hand She walked into the room Benjamin offered her a chair Who acted like she wasn’t even there

BENJAMIN Miss Cavendish, patron of the Stratfords I'm glad that you could attend

MARGARET Tell me, what's this all about And who's your other friend?

NARRATOR The man from the shadows smiles and says

RIVAL A witness

NARRATOR He lights up a fresh cigar

RIVAL It’s business

BENJAMIN Margaret I wanted you to hear this from me The editor of the Sun To unravel Rose and Samuel's plot To tell you what's been done

NARRATOR After Rose left John At Benjamin's apartment Benjamin would decide His moment had arrived This other man Worked at a rival paper That was knocked from the top By the lunar caper He was sent by enemies to discern If anyone had a bridge to burn They would give a king’s ransom To whoever exposed the hoax Benjamin wasn't hard to coax Ben was loyal When he flipped the switch And he ran the press And he took the risk Now he’s left behind Jealousy can be a son of a bitch A bargain had been struck A fateful deal was made Herschel was the proof That he needed to get paid That's why he made the choice That's why his friends will be betrayed

BENJAMIN Rose and Samuel built a telescope As a way for them to cope With their failings here on planet Earth They deceived us all Friends and colleagues Old and new, far and near To advance their own career And it’s true I'm guilty too They put their deceptions in pen But that will come to an end

MARGARET, BENJAMIN Rose and Samuel built a telescope

BENJAMIN And now you know...

ROSE Benjamin!

SAMUEL Margaret? Where's Herschel? And who is this man?

RIVAL The New York Sentinel appreciates your help, Benjamin. See you around

SAMUEL The Sentinel?!

ROSE Benjamin, what did you tell them?

BENJAMIN Enjoy the noise while it lasts Enjoy the parade, it goes by fast Enjoy the present before it’s past It’s past

SAMUEL Margaret, I can explain -

MARGARET I am alone A child adrift in the firmament Throwing stones Destined to face this malady On my own So many people have nothing to believe in How could you do this to me... I believed you...

SAMUEL Forgive me, please...

MARGARET I believed you

NARRATOR Margaret was angry Softly letting go Margaret started to cry Margaret started... to glow

ROSE Margaret... your hands...

NARRATOR It started with a faint light From the center of her palms

BENJAMIN Oh my Lord...

SAMUEL Margaret, talk to us!

NARRATOR Slowly getting stronger Covering her fingers, wrists and arms

MARGARET What is this? What is happening to me?

NARRATOR Margaret was confused Something was awake She fell onto her knees As the room began to shake ‘The Stratfords backed away The last thing they remembered Was hearing Margaret say

MARGARET I believed you!!

NARRATOR The radiance Lashed out in limbs of light Throwing the Stratfords across the apartment Unconscious before they hit the floor Benjamin trembled Afraid to speak He could not run His knees were weak The radiance Suddenly was gone

MARGARET I leave you to your own devices, Benjamin Reveal the truth, or don’t I don't care

NARRATOR Margaret Cavendish walked out Of Benjamin's apartment Unaware Sir John Herschel Had seen the whole event His well-trained eye looked through A crack in bedroom door

A

Why'd you click this? For a sense of fulfillment? You wanted to laugh? Without any context of what could be here? How do you know you could trust me enough to click on this? I could have put a rickroll. Or... Another rickroll.

There's no reason to view or read anything that doesn't bring you joy.

Does this?

[heavyhitterheaux]

Death Nut Challenge: Truth or Dare Edition

AN: white boy with a lil habanero lmaooo

Synopsis: You and your boyfriend play truth or dare with a little twist

Pairing: Jack Harlow x Reader

Requested by my cutie pie @wittyjasontodd 😘

Please Do Not Repost My Content Anywhere

"Baby, come on! It'll be fun!"

"Babe, there is a picture of a skull on fire on the outside of the package. Your definition of fun and mine are apparently completely different. Can we just have sex instead?"

"Will you stop being a big baby? And later."

"But I'm your big baby."

"Jackkkk."

"Okay, fine. But you better have 911 on speed dial."

"You are so dramatic. But I forgot you Anglo-Saxon and shit and think pepper is spicy."

"If you put too much it is!"

"Shut your peanut butter chicken making ass up!"

"See now you being rude. That's an Anglo-Saxon delicacy."

"You love me anyway and you're lying. Now let’s start."

"So how does this work?"

"Okay so there are five different levels of hotness. Either you answer my question or you have to eat one."

"Seems easy enough."

You had bought two packages, one for you and one for Jack.

You simply slid them out of the package and Jack immediately made a face.

"They even smell hot."

"Where's Urban? I'm going to need him to film this."

Urban agreed to filming the two of you without a second thought knowing that his best friend couldn't handle anything spicy.

"Okay, Urb. Are we ready?"

He simply nodded as you started the video.

"Welcome to the death nut challenge featuring me Y/N and my Anglo-Saxon boyfriend...."

"Hey!"

"Yall know him as Jack Harlow though. And he cannot handle spicy food."

"I need a bottle of ranch right now."

You immediately rolled your eyes.

Him and his ranch obsession.

"Why are you so dramatic. It won't be that bad."

"Speak for yourself! I barely survived going on Hot Ones!"

"But you made it though. Maybe I should have asked Urban to do this."

"No! Come on, I'm ready."

You rolled your eyes and looked at the questions that people had sent into your YouTube channel.

"First question is for my big baby."

It was now Jack's turn to roll his eyes at you but then waited for you to continue.

"What’s the first thing you would do if you woke up one day as the opposite sex?"

"That's easy. Make sure the homies get some."

You rolled your eyes as you heard Urban laugh before passing the list of questions to Jack to read you the next one.

"Urb! Don't encourage him!"

"Okay miss mamas, what is the most illegal thing you’ve ever done?" Jack asked with a smirk because he knew what the answer was.

"Whaaa.... I gave you an easy one!"

"Answer the question mamas or eat one. I know the good girl persona is a front."

"Go ahead and answer, Y/N, now you got me curious." Urban replied from behind the camera. 

"Curiosity killed the cat!"

"And satisfaction brought it back, baby."

"Hand me the damn package. Can't stand your ass. Are you trying to get me arrested?"

"Nahh your 'this will be fun' head ass is mad now."

You forgot how competitive your boyfriend would get and how he never hesitated to play dirty.

"Jackman all imma say is don't go to sleep tonight."

"So now you're threatening me?"

"Maggie and Brian come get your child."

"Stop stalling mamas."

"Okay, okay."

You removed the first one and simply popped it in your mouth and began to chew while Jack was looking at you with wide eyes.

"You just ate that like it was nothing."

"I mean it was spicy but not unbearable."

"Hmm.... I'm about to win this shit because I don't plan on eating any."

You were losing.

You now had only 1 left in the package and wanted to kill your boyfriend.

Your eyes were red, but you were taking it like a champ and wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of seeing you distraught.

"Baby girl, you're looking a little red over there."

"Jack I will murder you if you don't shut up."

"Are those tears in your eyes I see?"

"You can barely see on a good day anyway, so the fact that you can see that is surprising."

Urban almost choked on the water he was drinking before busting out laughing.

"Nuh uh mamas. That wasn't nice! How you gonna do your man like that?"

"I be telling yo ass to wear yo glasses, but you don't listen. Bumping into things and shit."

"I'm not even that bad!"

"Says who?"

"Me! But I can damn sure find that pussy though."

"JACKMAN!"

"What?"

"Next question is for you. If I gave you a free pass to hook up with one celebrity, who would it be and why?"

Jack's eyes suddenly went wide as he looked over at you.

"I'm waiting big baby."

"Nah, absolutely not. You about to hang it over my head if I answer this."

"Just say it. I won't get mad." You responded while smiling and pinching his side at the same time.

"Ouch! Did you just pinch me?"

"No, first you can't see and now you're delusional."

"Look I value my life so hand me the package."

Once the package was in his hand, he picked up the first one and stared at it.

"Stop stalling."

"I'm coming, don't rush me."

"Stop making excuses."

Jack first licked it before putting the entire thing into his mouth.

Only 30 seconds had passed before you thought your boyfriend would pass out.

"Oh my sweet baby Jesus. This shit is HOT!"

"It literally hasn't even been a minute yet. And why are so red all of a sudden? I guess that’s the Anglo-Saxon in you. White boy with a little habanero my ass."

"Babe, shut up! I need water."

"Urb, can you get his dramatic ass some almond milk?"

Urban came over and handed Jack the almond milk and Urban wanted to do nothing but laugh.

“Damn, she wasn’t lying. You are red as hell.”

“Both of yall get on my damn nerves.”

Jack drank half of the glass before looking at you with tears in his eyes.

“I’m not playing this game anymore. My ass is done.”

“Clearly, because that was only the first one and it wasn’t even that hot!”

“Just for that, I should put my mouth on your other set of lips. I bet you would change your mind then.”

“You not about to come anywhere near me until that shit wears off. You not about to have my shit tingling.”

“Are you really about to post this?”

“Yes, Jackman. We discussed that in the beginning. And it’s your turn to ask me a question.”

“Fine. Can we have sex now?”

“JACK!”

When Jack had finally got himself together, you went to sit on his lap and simply kissed his cheek. He gave you a glare and rolled his eyes.

"I am never doing that with you again."

"My big baby is so dramatic. But now that we aren't in front of the camera, who would you sleep with?"

"Y/N...."

"Well?"

"I'd rather eat 20 more than answer that. You about to put me on punishment if I tell you."

"Well, mine is Drake." You replied while shrugging and attempting to get up at the same time, but you were pulled back down as Jack looked at you in disbelief.

"WAIT, WHAT!?"

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