#edit: it really takes me out of the movie that everyone has an accent apart from Timothée Chalamet and Zendaya

[aghostshipontheblue]

[tloujm]

Part XXVI: Giving Grief

Author’s Notes: This is the first chapter I’ve posted in months (literally since April). I don’t know if this is a full comeback. I have a few chapters in the drafts that need to be edited and formatted for posting but after that, I still plan on continuing the series bc my plan was always have a long fic. With no new content after part II of the game was released, my interest in the fandom waned but was always there. Now with HBO creating a show based off the game, as well as me being apart of the Pedro Pascal fandom, I think I will soon become more consistent in posting as new content gets released. I will say that at least half of what appeals to me for Joel is Troy Baker’s voice and while I love Pedro’s voice too, I know it won’t be the same. I still think Pedro will do the voice justice bc he can do a damn fine country accent as seen in the movie Prospect on Netflix. If you’re a fan of his and have Netflix, please go watch it!

Genre: Angst and Fluff

Summary: You and Joel reconcile and bond over Ellie and Sarah. 

Ship: Joel Miller x Fem!Reader

Joel waited for you to come home. He paced back and forth in the kitchen switching from holding the card and setting it down on the counter. He was eager to talk to you about this new revelation partly because he was nervous to have the other conversation with you. After a while of calming his nerves down, you still hadn’t come home. The sun had set an hour ago and Joel was ready to throw on his boots and go looking for you. 

Just as he laced them up, the front door opened. You walked in and immediately stopped because his body blocked you from walking in the house further. 

“Going somewhere?” You asked as you slid past him. He was a grown man and could do what he wanted, but the thought of him leaving to go do other things before the issue between you was resolved upset you. 

He reached back down to unlace his boots. “Not anymore. I was ‘bout to head out and find you.”

“Why?” You asked dryly.

“I’d been waiting on you to come home for a couple of hours. We gotta talk.”

“You’re right, we do. I was helping Wendy walk the kids home from the daycare; that’s what held me up. I’m here now, though.” You leaned against the back of the couch and crossed your arms. The stance you took reminded you of what Joel would do.

He walked into the kitchen and came back. “Kiddo made this for us.”

You took it in your hands. “When did she have time to make this?” He shrugged. Your fingers brushed across the drawing of the hat before finally opening it. “Oh my God.” She looked at you for a split second before looking back down at her signature. “Her name has been ‘Ellie’ the whole time.”

“I know.” He commented. 

“She never said anything. All of us have asked her.”

“Technically, she still hasn’t spoken her name, but I guess she wasn’t ready for that.”

“She wasn’t ready to let anybody in.” You said. He nodded in agreement.

“Until now.” He walked up to you and pointed to her name on the card. “She’s doing so good, this Ellie. I can only try to imagine the horrors that she’s seen out in the world before she came to Jackson, but whatever happened out there, it led her to us. I’m...It’s just nice to see her opening up to this place.”

You understood what he was trying to say. “Yeah, I’m proud of her too.” You walked past him and into the kitchen to hang the card on the refrigerator. Joel followed. This time, his arms were crossed.

“(Y/N), I meant it when I said I was sorry back there. I shouldn’t have said what I did.”

“If you didn’t mean it, you wouldn’t have said it.” You rebutted.

“I was upset with you because I expected you to react the same as me when Ellie climbed up that T-Rex, but I don’t want a carbon copy of myself. I love you and want to have a family with you because you are wise beyond your years, confident even if you don’t always think so, responsible even for things that aren’t your responsibility and most importantly, you’re level headedness. Where I have a tendency to lose my cool in certain situations, you are guided by this calm...patient sense of will that I envy.” He took a deep breath and slowly exhaled, giving you the opportunity to say something. Seeing that you were still soaking in his words, he continued. “You’ll be a great mother. I saw it in the gentle way you juggled all those kids at the daycare. I saw it in the way you took care of Ellie the first day she came here. You’ll see though, if it’s meant for us to have a baby, how difficult it is to stop worrying. It didn’t stop when Sarah....even when I tried to push those feelings away. It doesn’t stop. I know she’s not her, but it’s hard for me to just stand by and watch her do something that could hurt her.”

“I wasn’t standing by, or at least that wasn’t my intention. I wanted to give her space. She’s so delicate, or maybe that’s my problem. I shouldn’t treat her like she’s some glass figurine. I just wanted her to grow comfortable with us by trusting her. Believe me, it wasn’t easy for me to do when there was nothing personally for me to go off of, but then I thought, she’s lived out there for God knows how long by herself. She’s not only seen things but has been able to survive things. It’s hard to see how clever someone is when they won’t let you in, but I knew she had to be to have made it this far. I get it though. I’ve never been a parent. I can only sympathize with your worries. I can not empathize with you until I’ve been where you have. I’m sorry too. I could have found a way to give her space without allowing her to be in such a dangerous spot. You must be disappointed in me.”

He moved up to you and placed his hands on your shoulder. “I’m not. Look at me. I’m not disappointed in you. She was both of our responsibilities earlier.” He brought you into a tight hug. “You’re right, she is smart. She felt comfortable enough to show a side of herself that no one else has seen. You know why? ‘Cause she felt safe around us. Despite the grief she put me through, it was nice to see her so happy.”

“I know it was, wasn’t it? I can’t believe she jumped though! I didn’t think she’d go that far.”

“At the end of the day, kids will be kids. It’s not an excuse to slack off on raising ‘em, but there's just a certain wild and carefree nature that every kid has. It’s instilled in their DNA or somethin’ and then it fades away as they get older, about the time their back starts to ache.” Joel chuckled as he explained. He kissed the top of your head before pulling away to get a good look at you. He made a face as if to ask if you were ok. You nodded. He took your hand and pulled you into the living room. You sat down next to him. “She reminds me of Sarah sometimes. Ellie’s about the same age as her. She ran me through the ringer, raising that one.” He chuckled at the memories. “I wouldn’t trade it in for the world, being her dad, but you shoulda seen the amount of grief she put me through. Especially being a single parent.” He wiped his hand across his face, letting it linger along the length of his neck. “One time, she snuck off to some skate park when I told her no. She was in this skateboarding phase. I bought her a customized skateboard for her birthday and she would practice using it up and down the driveway. She had barely learned that little flippy trick when she asked me to take her to the skate park. I told her no because it looked like it was for experienced skaters. I wanted her to practice more first. To say the least, she was mad at me. She told me she was staying after school for the science club, but she really went to the skate park with some friends. By the time I figured out where she was, I found her lying in the grass, holding her arm in pain. Turned out she had a hairline fracture in her...radius?” He pointed to the bone on his arm. You nodded that it was in fact called radius. “I grounded her for lying to me, but sometimes I wonder if I should have taken her to the park. I mean I’m no expert on skateboarding, but at least I could have been there to supervise; make sure she wasn’t on one of those tough looking ramps.”

“Did you ever take her skateboarding after she healed up?”

“After the cast came off, she switched interests to soccer. I installed a shelf on one of her walls to hang the skateboard on. Better that than being stuffed under her bed. Soccer was her life though. She made new friends from the team, won titles, learned tricks with the ball. Me and Tommy were regulars at her games. I was...am proud of her.”

You smiled as you envisioned his memories. “Did she give you grief with that as well?”

He nodded in an exaggerated way. “Oh yeah, but I’m sure I used to give her grief too.” You lifted your eyebrows with desire for him to elaborate. “I may or may not have argued with the coach and ref on a few occasions regarding plays.”

“You never dated any of the soccer moms?” You teased.

He scoffed. “Most of them were married and the ones who weren’t, I sent Tommy’s way instead. He wasn’t mad at it.” The two of you chuckled. “I did flirt with a few, married or not, so I could get my hands on some of their homemade baked goods.”

“I was under the assumption that soccer moms made food for everyone.”

“They did, but I still wanted a few more cupcakes for the ride home.” He admitted as you laughed. “Listen, I had a busy life. I didn’t have much time to hone my baking skills, so it was nice to be able to have homemade cakes and cookies for a change.

“Well, if you wanted cookies, that’s all you had to say! I can show you how to bake right now.”

“It’s late.” He reasoned.

“It’s never too late to feed your sweet tooth.” You rebutted as you pulled him back into the kitchen.

[only-johnny-deppp]

TBT: The EPIC moment Johnny Depp, as Gellert Grindelwald, surprised the 2018 San Diego Comic Con. 

On that day, July 21, 2018, right in the middle of the “Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald” panel  at the San Diego Comic Con, in California, everyone was caught by surprise when suddenly all the lights were turned off and Grindelwald’s logo appeared on the big screen along followed by a Grindelwald speech: 

“Friends... You’ve come today because you crave something new… Something different… The moment has come, open your minds, and I will share with you… the future”

While the big screens shows an alternate never released scene from the amphitheater with Grindelwald’s followers with their wands lightened, Johnny appears from the dark fully dressed as Grindelwald.

  And when I say “fully” is really in his entirely: Hair, make-up, contact lenses, wand, tone of voice, accent, personality, and even his tattoos were covered by make-up.

But on that day, “that” was not Johnny, “That” was Grindelwald.

"If I take a character, I’ll know it thoroughly. Then I am no longer myself in the film." ~ Johnny Depp (July 5, 2018)

And without breaking the character (not even when a fan shouts “I LOVE YOU JOHNNY), he starts and follow his speech:

“My brothers, my sisters, my friends… The great gift of your applause, is not for me, but for yourselves… Therefore, applaud yourselves. It is been said, that I hate Le Non-Magique, The Muggles, The No-Maj, The Can’t-Spells... I do not hate them. I do not. I say: The Muggles are not the lesser, but other. Not worthless, but of other value. The magic blooms only in rare souls… It is granted to those who live. Oh, what a world we would make for all of humanity. All the humanity, we who live for freedom, for truth... The moment has come to rise up and take our rightful place in the world.”

 And just like he appeared he left the stage after raising his wand and sounds of explosion be heard, breaking the silence in the arena. Johnny did not gave interviews and did not attended the panel. Instead, he returned to his musical life and traveled to Phoenix, Arizona to attend and play at Jeff Beck’s concert. Friends first.

 > Curiosities:  Behind Johnny’s surprise and the differences between the Live Speech and Movie Speech.

*Although the cast of Fantastic Beasts where there for the panel which was scheduled days in advance, they only new about Johnny’s appearance the day before.

* Apart those involved on the backstage, no one knew that Johnny was there, those who knew and saw him for a couple of minutes smoking outside the building, did not leak the secret and no one saw when he entered and left the Comic-Con. 

* The same thing happened during “ Fantastic Beasts and Where To Find Them”. The actors didn’t know that Johnny was going to be Grindelwald, and only found out on the day he was going to shot the scene.

* Johnny’s appearance happened few minutes before the “Aquaman” panel with the cast. Some people said that Ms. Heard didn’t like his presence and that saw when she was talking to some security guards. They did not talk to each other, but she was caught by surprise.

* The pre-recorded speech during the intro, is both an edited cut version from the original speech in the movie and an alternate version taken from the movie rehearsals. While in the intro Grindelwald says “The moment has come, open your minds, and I will share with you the future” in the movie is “The moment has come to share my vision of the future”. For those who didn’t know, Johnny tried dozens of different ways to make some scenes, collaborating with new lines, extended speech, different way of moves, alternate takes (such interacting with his followers on the amphitheater, and other scenes never released) and scenes recorded in dozens of different tones of voice. For example the scene which Grindelwald speaks to Leta Lestrange at  the amphitheater has at least 4 different versions. Although they were recorded and even aired during an exclusive exhibition of the unfinished version for a selected public to check if the audience was approving the plot, most of them were replaced and/or taken from the final version, but still some can be seen and heard during the official trailers. * Johnny’s live speech is around 80% similar to the movie. Some of the lines he didn’t speak were added in the intro, while some were not spoken maybe to avoid a bigger spoiler, once we were going to watch and listen in its entire version in the movie, 4 months later.

JUSTICE FOR GRINDELWALD JUSTICE FOR JOHNNY DEPP

[zrtranscripts]

Home Front, Mission 6: Phil Cheeseman Edition

Welcome to Radio Phil

~

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Hello, ci-ti-zens! Welcome to Radio Phil! [laughs] It's not the most creative name, I know, but at least you know what you're getting into. You might have guessed I'm here in the radio studio by myself waiting out our current lockdown. Not that different from any of you, I'm sure, though you probably have a lot fewer cables and chairs and odd knickknacks that your co-host Zoe has been collecting and now seem to be staring at you. Yes, unicorn mug, I am talking about you. [laughs] Now before you ask, there's no need to worry about Zoe. She's safe and sound in an undisclosed location. [laughs] I'm fairly sure she's not telling me just to make herself sound all mysterious.

You know what? Let's chat a little less and move a little more. I've been picking up some of the broadcasts from Abel of Ministry workouts and I've chosen a few of my favorite exercises from the manual. But before we get started with those, let's get moving. Uh, during this next song, do whatever you like to get your heart pumping. Dance, do jumping jacks, uh, wiggle your shoulders, [laughs] what have you. And Zoe, if you're listening, I know this is one of your favorites, so wherever you are, I hope you're moving.

~

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Okay, it turns out that song isn't one of Zoe's favorites, and the reason I know that is she sent me a ROFFLEnet message saying so. And I quote, [imitate's ZOE's accent] “Phil, you numpty. I may be working like a dog where I am, but I still have time to listen to the show and if you don't tell everyone how I really feel about that terrible dirge, a zombie horde will be the least of your worries.” No, because obviously sending ROFFLEnet messages to your poor co-host - who can keep track of your strange opinions on songs - is just the break you need from whatever it is you're doing.

Well, luckily for you - and for me - the exercises I've picked for today are all about being ready for a battle. We'll start our mano a zom-o routine with some jabs. Begin by getting into a basic zom punching stance. Stand with your legs shoulder-width apart, arms at your sides and knees a little bit bent. Uh, if you'd prefer, you can also stay seated. Now bring your hands up to chin level, slightly to either side and in front of your face, and curl your hands into fists. If you're standing, take one step forward with your right foot.

Perfect. I can't see you, but I'm sure you look just like uh... oh, that old movie poster for Snake Alley, which despite what Zoe claims, is definitely not a heartwarming action classic that will have you rooting for the snakes. [sighs]  Now for each jab, you're going to extend your right arm forward like you're socking a zom in the face, stopping just short of fully locking out your elbows. To give that jab even more power, rotate your right shoulder forward as you throw the punch. Once your arm is all the way extended, bring it back to the starting position, and that's our jab. [laughs]

Oh, ready to put into practice? Let's do 30 seconds of jabs with your right arm. Go at your own pace and rest as you need to. Starting... now. That's it, that's it, right there. Oh yeah, you got that one! Oh, I saw his teeth fall out. Beautiful! Yeah, keep going. Yeah, you're doing brilliant. Halfway through. If it helps, you can always picture punching your least favorite zom. Although does anyone really have a favorite zom? Ah, good style! And done.

Except, of course, that now we've got to jab from the other side. This time, put your left leg in front and jab with your left arm. I'll put 30 more seconds on the clock. Starting now. That's it. Don't forget, roll in that shoulder. Beautiful, wonderful. Yeah. Very, very good. 15 seconds. And you got that one right in the eye! Or the jaw. Definitely somewhere painful. Keep going. Ah, wonderfully done. And we're done. Shake those arms out and get ready to do a victory lap while I play something appropriately heroic. If you think you've got a few more jabs in you, you can keep going during the break. But otherwise, this is your time to rest and celebrate.

~

PHIL CHEESEMAN: W-w-welcome back! I hope you enjoyed celebrating your triumph. I did a bit of an interpretive victory dance myself, uh, while reading a very thorough explanation by one Zoe Crick of the merits of Snake Alley. Apparently, [imitates ZOE's accent] "It starred the most adorable boa constrictor with the cutest little tongue ever seen on the screen." As I recall, it eats a full-grown man in the middle of act two, but to each their own.

Now where were we? Oh yes. You've delivered your jabs, and now it's time to play a little defense with a side to side shuffle. This move lets you get out of the way of any danger, whether that's a zom or a vicious yet somehow adorable snake. Let's start by getting back in that fighting stance, legs shoulder-width apart, knees slightly bent, and fists up. This time, try to get a little lower , as if you were thinking about doing a squat but changed your mind halfway down. If you'd prefer, though, you can stay standing all the way up or do the exercise seated and just move your feet, whatever works best for you.

Instead of stepping forward, this time you'll step straight out to the right with your right foot. No need to take a big step, but you'll want your feet to be further apart than they were before. Now step your left foot into the space that your right foot was in before it moved. It's almost like your right foot is you and your left foot is the zombie trying to catch you, but never quite making it. Now do the same thing two more times, right foot stepping straight over to the right and then left foot taking its place. And that's a side shuffle to the right. To go back the way you came from, start with your left foot, taking it to the left, and then having your right foot try to catch up. Do that two more times and you've side shuffled right back to where you started. Just shake your legs out to relax them.

Now the side shuffle is meant to be used to do quick dodging and weaving, so let's get back in our stance and pick up the pace. Go as quickly as works for you, shuffling first to the right and then back to the left. Let's do this for a minute, if you can. And go! That's 15 seconds. Right now I'm shuffling over to ROFFLEnet because someone is sending me messages instead of doing their training, but you keep going. Halfway through, and here's a tip from Zoe. "If you have extra energy at the end of each shuffle, reach down with the arm on the side you were shuffling towards and pretend you're picking up a kitten to cuddle." Only 15 seconds to go. I know your legs are burning, but you can do this! Leave those zoms in the dust! And done! [laughs] Nice work.

[sighs] Oh, time for a rest, I think. Here's some music perfect for stroking cats - just for you, Zoe - or more shuffling, if you feel up to it.

~

PHIL CHEESEMAN: And we're back again, just in time for a little wager. [laughs] Zoe's made me a bet during our dance rest break. If I win, she reveals her secret location. If she wins, I have to play the soundtrack to the climactic Snake Alley Rattlesnake Tango, and none of us want that, trust me. So here's the wager: I have to turn away from simulated zombie violence and instead successfully lead you through one of Zoe's favorite exercises, the sit-up, which actually could be used to lie in wait in tall grass and then pop up to grab a zombie by the leg, so it fits with our zombie battle royale theme of the day.

Ready? Start by laying down on your back on the floor. If you have a yoga mat or even a folded blanket or towel, you can lay on that to give your body something softer to rest on. Even the carpet would be good so that you're not directly on a hard floor. Bring your knees up so that the bottoms of your feet are flat on the ground. Now it's time to pick your range of motion. The larger it is, the more energy and strength the sit-up takes, so we'll start big and then talk about a few ways to modify.

Option one is to start with your arms back behind you so that the backs of your hands are resting on the floor. Now you're going to use your stomach muscles to raise your torso from a lying to an upright position. Your arms will come all the way forward and tap the ground on either side of your feet. If coming that far doesn't work for you, you can raise your torso a little less and tap on the top of your knees instead.

You can also vary your starting arm position by either putting the fingertips of each hand just behind each ear so that your arms almost look like wings, or resting them gently on your legs. Just remember that if your fingers are behind your head, don't tug on your ears or head or hair to come up, it's not good for your neck. Once you are all the way upright, lower your upper body back to your starting position in a controlled motion. Try not to just flop down. Okay, let's try one more slowly. Come up and then go down. Wonderful.

Zoe, I hope you're ready to reveal all your secrets - or at least this particular one, anyway - because we're putting 60 seconds on the clock to do as many sit-ups as we can. Start your sit-ups... now! Ah, you're doing great! We're 15 seconds in and I'm sure Zoe has already conceded defeat. Keep going. Halfway through! Remember to only sit up as far as you can manage without overstraining yourself. Only 15 seconds left to go! You've got this. And we're done!

You all did wonderfully, which means that Zoe has to give us a clue about where she's riding out this lockdown. While we wait for that, stand back up and let's get ready for our reveal with one more dance break. Try using the time to do that dance move you've always loved but might have been a bit embarrassed to do in public? Now's the time.

~

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Hope you enjoyed the dance break. [laughs] I'll be honest with you, I spent it doing the robot. I'm not very good at it. I think Zoe once described it as looking like the Tin Man suddenly got electrocuted. And then fell into a swimming pool. And then got electrocuted again. [laughs] She doesn't mince her words, I'll give her that. Which means she should have plenty to say about where she's holed up while we stretch out. You can do whatever stretch works best for you. I'm going to start with bringing my left arm across my chest and supporting it with my right while trying to puzzle out this first clue.

[imitates ZOE's accent] “Wherever I am, I can tell you this: it's the cat's meow.” Well, that's about as much use as a chocolate fire guard. Though Zoe did make that reference to scooping up kittens earlier, and if anyone could manage to find a cat in the middle of a zombie lockdown, it would be her. And now switching arms, just in time for a hopefully much better clue, which is, [imitates ZOE's accent] “It's just one woman and her cats here. Honestly Phil, I'm starting to think you don't even listen when I tell you things.” One woman and her cats... hmm. I need to think about this. Listeners, uh, why don't you carry on stretching through this next song? Or have a go at some dancing yourself, if the mood takes you. You can't be any worse at the robot than I am.

~

PHIL CHEESEMAN: I figured it out. Zoe's secret hideout. One woman and her cats. There was a person on ROFFLEnet who asked for help relocating cats from a house that had fallen into disrepair before this whole zombie situation began. I remember now. I said something about professional cat herding and Zoe came up with a whole scheme for a competition. Like that old sheepdog show, One Man and His Dog, only with cats and treats and lots of jumping.

Stretching obviously gets my brain working. Oh, uh, next I'm bringing my left arm over my head and leaning to the right while I puzzle the rest out. Hmm. Zoe must have been helping with the cat resettlement when the zombies got loose, and the kennel has access to the radio and to ROFFLEnet. That has to be it. Not to mention that the kennel also has dogs, rabbits, a turtle, and even a couple of snakes. Switching to my right arm overhead and leaning to the left to give Zoe time to congratulate me for being the next best thing to Sherlock Holmes.

Oh. [imitates ZOE's accent] “Yes, Phil, I am at the kennel. Only one here, so I've got plenty of animals to keep me in line. Not so different from our show, really. But in truth, I miss you and I look forward to doing the show together and preventing you from playing that one ridiculous song ever again.” [sighs] Me too, Zoe. Me, too. Well, I hope that wherever you all are, you've got something warm and comforting around you, like a cuddly toy, or the sound of a friendly voice. And thanks for listening. We may be far from each other, but it's always good to know you're being heard. So for now, Cheeseman out.

~

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #406

“turned on all the lights, the tv, and the radio  /  still, i can’t escape the ghost of you”

Have you ever had an ulcer? No. Do you have any rare medical conditions? I believe AvPD is considered to be a rare mental disorder. Do you have to carry an epi pen? No. What color is your mailbox? I think it's black. I don't pay attention. Would you ever want a job working with animals? I'd love to. The thing is, without a degree in something, my duties working with animals would almost certainly involve cleaning up after them, which I am WAY too squeamish with fecal matter and vomit to do. It's extremely embarrassing, but I've never even been able to clean up after my own pets if they ever had an accident or got sick. I obviously couldn't do it with random animals. Did you have a good high school experience? It's... so odd, retrospecting on high school. In some ways, it was the best time of my life because of my memories with my friends and especially Jason, but at the time, I absolutely loathed it and was horribly depressed. But at least I saw a future for myself. I took better care of myself, all that stuff... That Brittany would be fucking mortified to get a glimpse at who she becomes. Have you ever watched any Monty Python movies? Which one is your favourite? I know I've seen some of at least one. Would you ever get a "below the belt" piercing? Nah. If a couple is married, do you think there should be any legal punishment if one person cheats? No...? Like don't get me wrong at all, I am firmly against cheating under any circumstance, but for there to be legal retribution seems extreme. What is the greatest source of anxiety for you? My future. Are there any hallucinogenic drugs you’d like to try? Nah man. What made you choose your current job? I'm unemployed. Do you feel uncomfortable on the dance floor? Or are you confident with you dancing abilities? Oh hunny, you won't see me on the dance floor. Unless MAYBE if the Cha-Cha Slide comes on, or the Cupid Shuffle. That's as skilled as I get, haha. Is it exciting to you to imagine having an affair with a teacher? ... No??????????? It's fucking creepy. Adultery isn't exciting. Do you like your smile? No. I absolutely look high when I smile. What is something silly that you believed to be true when you were a child? That I could invoke the traits of any animal, which I just referred to as my "animal powers." Like for example, if I "called upon" a kangaroo, I could jump higher. I was a weird fucking kid. Have you ever been in a relationship with someone you completely connected with on a mental/emotional level, but did not find physically attractive in any way? Was physical intimacy a problem? How did it work out? I was never really physically attracted to Girt, but it was never a big deal to me. I cared way more about his personality and how much he cared about me. We were never really "intimate," per se, we just would give each other a simple peck. It didn't work out, but not at all because of physical things. He was just too much of a brother to me. What classic or cult movie have you never seen and have no desire to? Hm. I know there's some, but I'm blanking. Does The Human Centipede count here? Like everyone knows about it, so I would assume it does. I have ZERO desire to see a second of that repulsive movie. Have you ever taken a real liking to a band/singer you never ever....ever thought you'd enjoy? Maybe Melanie Martinez? Her voice is so cutesy, as are some of her songs, but I really enjoy how dark her lyrics can be. People who know me would probably be shocked to hear I thoroughly like her. After seeing the movie Avatar did you suddenly view our Earth as ugly and/or boring? If you have not seen the movie, do you think it’s worth your time? I've seen a little bit of it, but I never finished it because I was very tired and chose to go to sleep. I actually do want to see the full thing, though; it looks very good. How helpful are your parents to you? Would they help you to pay for your first apartment? College? Where does the line end? My parents are truly incredible with helping me the best they are capable of. They helped me pay for school, among other things, but I doubt they'd help with my first home, whenever that is. I wouldn't really want them to, either, because that's my responsibility for sure. Do you like playing video games? If so, what do you usually play? I love video games, and horror is absolutely my favorite genre. I also love fantasy games though with deep stories. I've never been the best at playing super long games, like Final Fantasy games, even if I'm seriously invested in the story, though. I burn out. Have you ever sewn a garment? No. Are there any plants in the room you’re in? No. I don't bother with plants. What’s your highest level of education? Some college. What’s the most important thing in any kind of relationship? Proper communication, probably. If you wear lipstick, what’s your favourite colour to wear? I only really put on lipstick to occasionally take a picture, and it's pretty much always black. Is your style feminine, masculine or somewhere in the middle? Somewhere in the middle, I guess? Are there a lot of dragonflies around your house? I've never seen one around this house, and I doubt I ever will because it's too urban. When we lived in the woods, however, I saw them a lot. Of all the Disney couples, which one would you say is your favorite? Kovu and Kiara came to my mind first. Do you think it is cute/funny or disgraceful when a child swears? It's shocking, more than anything. You don't expect it. I don't believe it should be encouraged, but only because children just don't know when swearing really isn't appropriate. If/when you have a baby, how do you think you would want to decorate its room? I don't want kids, but I'll entertain the question and assume this is before the child is born and develops interests. Whether it's a boy or a girl, I'd probably go with a cutesy animal theme. Would you more likely buy a shirt with a picture of Mickey/Minnie Mouse, a Winnie the Pooh character, Snoopy, Hello Kitty, or Tweety Bird on it? None, honestly. Perhaps like, a gothic Hello Kitty. Of all the states you have been to, which one did you have the best experiences? Putting aside the AWFUL heat and humidity, I probably had the best time in Florida. I loved all the palm trees, seeing so many lizards on my grandma's patio, and going to Disney World was a blast. I liked that swimming pools were always warm, too. Have you ever had a crush on someone “too young” for you? No. Do you regret losing your virginity to who you lost it to? No. I was madly in love with him, so no regrets on that. If your boyfriend ever hit you, would you dump him? HA, BYYYYEEEEEEEEE MOTHERFUCKER. ZERO hesitation. Did the one person who hurt you most in your life apologize? He did, but I honestly don't know if he meant it. Is there anything you want to say to someone? It'll probably go unsaid for the rest of my life. If they were to televise a live execution, would you watch it? Yikes, hard pass. If you could be the president of the USA, would you be willing to do it? Noooo thank you. Did you wake up in the middle of the night? I always do. Does your animal sleep with you? My cat does. Venus obviously sleeps in her terrarium, but she is in my room. Last color you dyed your hair? Red. Will you keep your last name when you get married? Very unlikely. I don't like my last name. What are you looking forward to? Hearing back again from the woman whose wedding I shot literally two years ago. I thought she ghosted me, but she messaged me the other day about seeing the pictures again and going through them to actually buy some. I don't know why the hell it took her two years, but whatever, I guess? I spent two whole hours resizing the files and re-adding the preview watermark (I deleted the OneDrive folder for space forever ago, but I have the files still), so I hate to sound like an ass, but she better buy something. Between sweating my ass off on location when I shot the wedding, editing those 100+ pictures two years ago, and now re-doing the previews, I have invested so much goddamn time into them that yeah, I think I have the right to be pretty damn salty if I don't hear back from her again. If your significant other cut sex out of your relationship for any reason, what would you do? It'd be whatever. I mean sure, that sort of intimacy is a very special part of serious romantic relationships to me, but I can live without it pretty easily. What was the last thing you said out loud? "Thank you for dinner" to my mom. She brought home Hardee's. Who are your godparents? I don't believe I have any. Do you like Gushers? omggggg yes Can you touch​ your nose with your tongue?​​ No. Is there a particular sport you follow on a regular basis? Nope. Are you waiting for something to arrive in the mail? No. Think of the last film you watched. Who was your favourite character? Uhhhh what was it... The Shining, I think? I didn't really develop a favorite. Do you have a friend whose name starts with ‘L’? Describe him/her. Lisa. <3 She's one of my WoW friends. She'll talk your ear off, but I don't really mind. She is SO sweet and caring for other people and loves to cook. She recently had triplets, and seeing as she had a son only months before accidentally getting pregnant with the triplets, she's obviously been MEGA busy so we haven't talked much lately. When you’re being kissed do you like it when they hold your face? Yeah, but not too early on. Doing that has a promise of seriousness and passion in it to me, and it would probably weird me out if that happened too soon. Last thing that made you cry? My health. Would you ever consider getting a piercing in your septum? Nah. I don't think it would look good on me. Do you enjoy being outdoors? If it's cool outside and I have a place to sit when I want to, yeah. Do people tell you that you have an accent? Only sometimes. It's definitely not as bad as your average Southerner, though. Do you enjoy watching fireworks on the 4th of July? Ha, what nice timing. I think they're very pretty, but I believe I went over in a recent survey how I don't encourage their usage in consideration of veterans with PTSD as well as being conscious of animals and the absolute terror it can cause for them. What’re some unspeakable subjects for you? So my sister is a children's social worker, and she shares a LOT of stories with Mom (and me, if I'm present) that I can't listen to. The ones that involve pedophilia and/or rape, especially from the child's very own parent(s), I just cannot listen to. Period. It's so fucking repulsive and just unimaginable to me how even a monster of a human can commit something THAT goddamn vile. What’s your opinion of root beer? I'm not a big fan. I mean I can tolerate drinking some of it, but I don't really *enjoy* it. Have you ever seen The Breakfast Club, and what’s your opinion of it? I have, and I didn't get the appeal at all. Did you have a Furby when you were younger? Oh god, I did. Those things are so creepy. If you had a baby boy, what would you name him? Damien, most likely.

[twinklecheeks]

Friends With Benefits (Jeff Wittek Imagine) Part 1

Summary: Jeff and Y/N have been hooking up for a while. The whole vlog squad assumes they’re dating and Y/N does too but Jeff doesn’t like labels. He eventually starts to express interest in Natalie.

Note: This is my first time writing. Planning on making this a multiple part series, depending on how good it does. Also, I don’t hate Natalie at all! I actually love the idea of Jeff & Nat being a thing. They’d look so cute together.  You’re 21 & Latina in this (maybe) series

Warnings! Smut, fluff, nudity, pregnancy?

Word Count: 2.3k

*How you and Jeff met*

You met at Dom’s apartment after David invited you to film a bit. You assumed he was new because you’ve never seen him before. His accent swooned you over but you didn’t want to make it obvious. David wanted to film the bit where he shows new friends Jonah p*nis because it’s so small. You’ve been friends with David for 2 years and you’ve known Jonah a while now, so you decide to join Toddy, Jeff and Brandon in the bathroom too see it.

Jeff: Are these the types of videos he does all the time

Y/N: honestly, it happens way too often. He’d do anything for content.

Jonah pulls down his pants and all of us just bust out laughing. At this point your just wheezing and trying to calm down at what you just saw. All of you walk out of the bathroom and Jeff smiles at you and says “you have a cute laugh.” You just wanted to combust in that moment and all you could respond with was a smile. You keeping your distance from Jeff the rest of the time you’re there cause you were nervous and didn’t want to embarrass yourself by saying something stupid. You have social anxiety so it’s a little hard for you to meet new people but once they get to know you, you’re an open book. After that you had to leave to film your own video. You said goodbye to everyone, including Jeff. Y/n: It was nice meeting you. Hopefully you’ll stick around w/ us. He smiles and says “ I hope so too.” After you left, he asked Todd about you.

Jeff: “Hey, what was up with Y/n”

Todd: what do you mean

Jeff: I feel like she was avoiding me or somethin

Todd: Oh no. Don’t take offense to that. She’s really shy when she meets new people. She’ll warm up to you.

*2ish months after meeting Jeff*

As time went on, Jeff started to hang out more and more w/ the vlog squad and you two started to get to know each other. You learned that he was born and raised in Staten Island, he lived in Miami, got arrested for doing dumb shit and eventually turned his whole life around and moved to LA a couple of years ago. He was surprised to find out that you were born in New York City too; but you were born in Brooklyn.

Jeff: I had a bunch of friends that lived in Brooklyn. We might have seen each other around or something.

Y/n: Haha maybe but my family and I moved away when I was 11 tho. We moved to Seattle cause my parents really struggled to make ends meet in the city. They loved it but had to leave. It’s hard living there, raising 3 kids.

Jeff: Yeah I feel ya. My parents struggled too in Staten Island but they made it work.

Both of you talked the whole night until you both of you guys fell asleep on David’s couch. You forgot where you were when you realized you were still at David’s house. You tried to move but Jeff had his arm around your waist. You smiled at the fact that you two were getting so close. This started to happen a lot. You guys started to have movie nights together and would end up cuddling on the couch or one of y’alls beds.

*Your first kiss/ first time w/ Jeff*

It was New Years Eve. You spent the night partying at David’s house. You and Jeff have basically become best friends in the 2-3 months you’ve known each other. You were hoping that this would finally be the night you kiss him. As everybody started to countdown the final minutes while watching the ball drop on tv, your heart starts to beat like crazy. You’re right by Jeff and he has his arm around you. Both of you look watch the tv and it’s the final ten seconds. Everyone is yelling TEN, NINE, EIGHT, SEVEN, SIX, FIVE… You started to have your doubts that you to would kiss and it’s like everything happened in slow motion. As it counted down the final 4 seconds, Jeff caught you off guard and pulled you in for a kiss. It felt like fireworks were going off when you kissed him. You guys pulled away but this wave of confidence came over you and pulled him in for another kiss but it was more sensual/ needy. Both of you saw the lust in your eyes and you wanted to take him right there but he started to pull you out of David’s house to head to his car. He pushed you against his car and started to ravish you. You grabbed his face and moved his lips from your neck to connect with yours. He bit down on your lip, as you moaned and parted your lips, allowing his tongue to enter. You lightly pushed him away and you guys get into the car, acting like horny teenagers. “Baby if i weren’t driving like a maniac right now, I’d fuck you right in the back seat.” You notice Jeff’s giant bulge and decide to help him out. You start to feel his throbbing member through his pants and Jeff let’s out a moan. You unzip his pants and see his cock spring up. You were excited but also intimidated at how big he was. You unbuckle your seatbelt and move closer to Jeff; the pre-cum oozing at the head. You then stroke his cock for a bit and then you started to give him a blowjob. You tease him by licking the head and Jeff swerves a bit. “Doll, are you trying to kill both of us. Jesus, This is the longest 15 minute drive to my place ever.” Jeff stops at a red light and that’s when you went all in. You hollow your cheeks so you can suck off as much as you can. His cock hit the back out your throat; you started to deepthroat Jeff while he’s still driving. Jeff hearing you choke of his cock is the music to his ears. You guys are about five minutes away and your contemplating whether to suck him until he cums in you mouth or wait until he cums inside you when you get to his place (wrap it before you tap it). You massaged his balls and continue to deepthroat him right before he was about to cum, you guys arrived at his place. You continue to deepthroat him. “Oh shit doll I’m gonna-” He reached his climax and came into your mouth. You look up to see the beads of sweat on his head. He almost cums again just by watching you swallow his cum. He pulls you in for another kiss and you look down to see that his cock is still rock hard. “Someone is still in the mood” you say while smirking. “Babe, you won’t be able to walk in the morning.” Both of you practically run into his building and you can’t keep your hands off each other. He almost takes off your dress in the elevator to take you right there. As he got his door open, all he says is “jump” and the rest of the night felt like a fever dream. And boy he was right on me not being able to walk.

*Current day*

You and Jeff act more and more coupley but he doesn’t want anything serious for right now because he had gotten out of a 3-4 years relationship 6 months before you met. At the moment, you don’t know where you and Jeff stand. You guys fuck multiple times a week and then he leaves your place without explanation. Y/n doesn’t want to say anything because she doesn’t want this to stop. She has such strong feelings for Jeff but is too scared to tell him how she feels. Over the past couple of weeks, you’ve noticed that Jeff has become kind of distant from you. You see in the comments, of several videos that Jeff and Natalie have become a thing. He’s talked about her multiple times on Scott’s podcast, fans make edits, made a joke about having kids with her at coachella and he was being flirty with her at vidcon by asking her who she was dating in front of hundreds of fans on stage during the vlog squad Q&A. You see Jeff’s insta story of Natalie with that pink filter with the romantic music. And to top it all off, the last time you guys went to Vernon Hills to visit David’s family, you were in the car with David, Jason, Ilya, Dom and Jeff is following behind. Dom sees a girl from a far and says “Damn look at that fucking ass.” Everyone is laughing cause they realize it was Natalie and David tattle tales on Dom to Natalie. You hear Jeff say “why do you think I pulled over?” But you still decide to ignore it the fact that he’s crushing on Natalie. You get back to LA and Jeff spends the night at your place. The movie nights don’t happen anymore, so has the cuddling. You both basically fuck until you both orgasm then he leaves right after. “You know you can spend the night if you want” Jeff responds with “Why would I do that?” Damn. That hurt. You play it cool and start to cry yourself to sleep right as he leaves your apartment.  

A week passes by and you hear no word from Jeff at all. David texts you to come over so you can film. You enter the house and see that the guys are in the backyard. You were getting closer and you hear Zane ask “whatever happened to you and y/n? I thought y’all were a thing.” Jeff scoffs and says “ugh could never date y/n, she reminds me too much of my ex.” At this point your ears are fuming. “Just because I’m short and Latina like his ex he doesn’t to be with me?” You grab a bottle of tequila that was in David’s cabinet and walk into the backyard and spill it all over Jeff’s head and it was perfect timing because David was recording. “Y/n what the fuck” He grabbed you by the arm and you slap him in the face hard enough to leave a red mark. “Do I still remind you of your ex?” you smile as you walk away. That was the most ballsy thing you’ve done since you kissed him on New Years.

*A month later*

Your life without Jeff has been great. After that night, you blocked his number and all social media accounts. The last you heard was that Jeff asked out Natalie; you don’t hate Natalie, she’s a great person! You still hang out with the vlog squad but you act as if nothing happened. You just started your senior year at USC and can’t wait to graduate next spring. Everything has been a real life changer for you. You were eating healthier, you started going to the gym and you realized how dependent you were on Jeff to make you happy. Just as you thought everything was perfect, it started to go downhill.

Y/n woke up not feeling great. She felt very light headed and very bloated. Y/n assumed she started her period. She checked to see but there was nothing there; then realizes she hasn’t gotten her period in a while but doesn’t think anything of it because she’s never had a regular period. You head out to go jogging on a trail, one that you know Jeff doesn’t go on. It’s normal to feel out of breath but you felt like you were going to pass out. Deciding that you worked yourself too hard, you walk the rest of the way. The last thing you remember was trying walk up the trail. Y/n wakes up in a hospital room extremely confused. The nurse walks in hearing you ask what the hell happened. “Good afternoon Ms. L/n, you fainted on a hiking trail. You were just dehydrated. You should really be drinking more under your condition.” Y/n looked at her dumbfounded “my condition??” The nurse catches on and knows something you don’t. You see her walk outside and speak to the doctor. You try to depict what she’s saying but can’t hear a thing. “Hello Ms. L/N, how are you feeling?” You ignore the question and cut straight to the point “She said I had a condition, what is it.” The nurse and the doctor looked back at each other and looks back at you. “Well, it has come to our attention that you probably had no knowledge of this but we ran some blood tests and…..” “AND WHAT”...... “It has come to our attention that you are 9 weeks pregnant” Out of nowhere, you just start laughing cause you think this is a joke. “You’ve got to be kidding me” “Mam, I can assure you that we’re not.” “Is it too early to ask for an ultrasound?” “We’d thought you’d ask,” They bring the machine from outside and put the cold jelly on your stomach. It takes a minute to find it. In the back of your mind, you’re praying that you’re not pregnant. You’re only 21. This was the time to party, hang out with friends, live your life, graduate college….. Oh shit. College. It’s your SENIOR YEAR. You prayed HARD that you weren’t pregnant and the boom, you see a blob on the screen……. The nurse turns on the doppler to see if you can hear the heartbeat. You then hear “bum bum bum bum.” You already knew who’s it was, you have no idea how you were going to tell him, or if you’re going to tell him.

Is y/n gonna keep it? Is she going to tell Jeff? What the hell is she going to tell her family if she does keep it? Who knows…… 

Side note: I’m sorry if this is bad! It’s my first time writing fanfiction and I give huge props to people who do this on a daily cause this mess is hard. Oh and I was there at vidcon when Jeff asked who’s Natalie dating. 

[not-another-fangirl74]

“Not to freak you out but I’m a cuddler” Taron Egerton x reader

“Not to freak you out but I’m a cuddler” Taron Egerton x reader

A/N: this came to me on a dream after a long time of me not being able to write anything decent, I still have some requests to do, and if you want to request anything you can, also maybe I’ll do a part 2 of this I’m not sure yet. I hope you like this I really spend time editing this. 

Pd: it’s slow burn I think

Warning: some cursing, mention of sex

W/C: long enough

“You’re going, end discussion” your friend says as you two walk down the busy streets of the city, it was a chilly day and you were on your way to eat lunch “why do I have to? haven’t seen any of the guys in a long time” you try to make her understand your point of view but you know deep down that is useless, she was going to convince you anyway, It’s not like you don’t want to see your old friends but you feel like it’s been so long. “first of all Harry is going to be there and I need emotional support in case I do something dumb, like getting back together... and second T is going to be there, you know, your friend the one you have a huge crush on that you’ve been ignoring for the past 6 months or more,... and guess what the guy is single again so you don’t need to avoid him” you look at her as you took a seat on the table “I wasn’t avoiding him” you say looking at the menu, memories flood your mind about the things you used to do all together, movie nights, karaoke, going out to dance but as you grow older, most of your friends found jobs and were working so finding time to spend together was getting harder but you kept in touch. The only ones you saw almost every week was y/f/n, Harry and Taron, so it was normal for you to text every day with Taron, friends do that, right?, you never read much into that, texting all day and talk about your days or a movie you watched, him calling you when got a new role for a movie or you being there for him when he didn’t get the part, in the end, all of your talks end up in you going to bed smiling and your heart beating faster, but that wasn't the only thing you did, sometimes you went out to catch up over a coffee or your favorites, when you had your Netflix marathons. You used to do a lot of things together till one day he came to your house and told you that he had a girlfriend at first it took you by surprise but every second that passed of him talking about her your heart broke a little more. It was hard to keep a smile that evening and pretend that it didn’t affect you, but what else could you do?. 

That night you went to bed crying, you weren't aware of your feelings towards him till that day, as weeks passed it was getting harder to spend time with him, and knowing that by the end of the day he was going to be with someone else, so instead of telling him how you felt and make things awkward you focus on your job and work your ass off.

 You sigh “okay, I’ll go” after the waitress took your order you add “and I don’t have a crush on him” “yeah right” your friend says rolling her eyes.

By Friday noon you were already halfway to your weekend getaway you tried to keep your mind on the road, your friend was asleep next to you and you still have 3 hours to get to the cabin, let's face it you were bored so you decided to pull a little prank on y/f/n. 

“y/f/n Oh god we are gonna die!!!!! watch out ahhhhh!!!!!” you scream turning the steering wheel to the sides, your friend wakes up screaming and you burst out laughing “I can’t believe you!!!!” she screams mad at you “you are the worst, you know that?” she adds slapping your arm “ouch” you said keeping your eyes on the road “you know, you are the worst, you are supposed to keep me awake” you tell her “you could have woke me up calling my name, not by giving me a fucking heart attack”, “but I was bored” you turn to her pouting “fuck you y/l/n” then she turns on the radio and Lizzo starts to sound you both look at each other smiling and start singing and dancing to the song. 

Why men great 'til they gotta be great? Woo!

I just took a DNA test, turns out I'm 100% that bitch

Even when I'm crying crazy

Yeah, I got boy problems, that's the human in me

Bling bling, then I solve 'em, that's the goddess in me

You coulda had a bad bitch, non-committal

Help you with your career just a little

You're 'posed to hold me down, but you're holding me back

And that's the sound of me not calling you back

After that, the trip went fast and now you were parking your car outside the cabin, your friend rushed out to knock on the door because she had to pee but you stay a little longer taking a deep breath to calm down, then you got out the car, someone finally opens the door and your friend almost kicks the guy down “sorry got to pee” you hear her screaming, you stopped in your tracks when you notice who is at the door “Hi” Taron says smiling at you “Hi” you answered “I thought you weren’t going to come” he said scratching the back of his neck as you entered the house “someone has to take care of y/f/n” you say quickly and with that you run inside not looking at him, yup, up to a good start, not awkward at all.

You greet your friends they were happy to see you after a long time, there was a new couple between them "I can't believe you are finally together" you say excited "well, it took us a little but I couldn't resist that cute little face" she says squeezing the guy’s cheek "aww, I'm so happy for you guys" you add hugging them, turning around you see y/f/n talking with Taron and another guy that looks very familiar, she sees you and motions for you to get close, you walk to them "y/n do you remember the bodyguard" you friend says looking at you "which one?" You knew which one she was referring to but you just like to mess with her "the one on Netflix" she answered "I'm sure there is more than one" you said "the one with the really hot guy, with the accent and nice butt" she said quickly and you hear Taron and the guy laugh, then she notices what she just said to the guy beside her and you see her face getting 20 different shades of red, you smile at her, fuck she is going to kill me you think "oh, the serie, yes, I remember" you say "well this is the guy" your friend whispers clearly embarrassed "I'm Richard" he says with his Scottish accent and extends his hand to you smiling "y/n" you shake his hand "what she said is true though, you have a really nice ass" you add smiling teasingly, all of you start laughing and you feel Taron eyes on you, you look at him and he had a smile but honestly he looks a bit mad, you continue your talk with Richard he is a really nice guy (and really handsome) but you know your friend likes him so you started to turn the conversation to her and help her with him, they start talking and you are left to the side with Taron, you get nervous again, you were about to walk out of there but y/f/n stops you "wait, T is going to show us our room" she tells you "okay" you sigh and keep your eyes anywhere but him. 

After Taron shows you the room you will be sharing with y/f/n, you left your bags in the room and all of you go to the Woods to explore the surrounding areas, it was breathtaking. You let the smell of grass fill your nostrils and let yourself relax at the nice feeling, it was a much need it change of air. No one was running late to work or the loud sounds of the busy city. Just the sound of the birds chirping and little creatures that live in the woods. 

Walking down the path there was a river close to the house, walking a bit farther there was a tree house that had a view of the mountains. You stopped at a meadow to run around and play, suddenly, starts to rain and everyone runs back to the cabin to seek refuge from the water but you take your time, you always loved the rain, find it so relaxing when pours down, the sound that makes when hits the ground so you zip up your jacket and slowly made your way back. "I knew you were going to take your time" Taron startled you from behind "god, you scared me" you almost fall and he laughs at your reaction and helps you to steady yourself "it's not funny" you said fighting the smile making its way on your face, you walk silently together, you are so close that your shoulders bump into each other "I'm happy that you came" Taron says breaking the silence "I am too, I really miss all (mostly you) but I was busy with work and stuff" you said. Neither of you said anything else, close to the house Taron stops walking making you turn to look back at him "something wrong?" You asked, he kept silence for a while debating if he should ask "are you avoiding me?" He asks dead serious "what!! No...not at all, wha… why!? You stutter and he steps close to you "that's how it feels, we used to talk all the time but then we stopped, did I do something wrong?" He inquiries "No...we just...I don't know" you say fidgeting with your fingers not looking at him in the eyes. “We just fell apart” you finally say lifting your gaze, you couldn’t tell what he was thinking, the rain started to pour down heavily “We should get inside before we catch a cold” he says breaking the silence and you walk back to the house.

It was late at night and all of you were on the living room around the coffee table playing games as the fire of the chimney kept you warm or it was the amount of alcohol you were drinking? at this point, it didn’t matter, after a round of drinko and truth or dare, Sophie suggested playing fuck, marry and kiss with an empty bottle of beer, y/f/n was in front of you and it was her turn to spin the bottle, she turned the bottle and stopped pointing right at you, you sip your drink “y/n, fuck, marry and kill” she slurred “wait no fuck, marry and kiss mhm Hugh Jackman, Taron or Richard” she finished looking at you smiling “it’s not fair two of my options are here” you tell her “it’s your turn babe answer or drink 3 shots of tequila” she says, you were a little tipsy but didn’t want to get drunk “fuck Richard, marry Ta..no wait marry Hugh and kiss Taron” you answer, she looks at you satisfied with your answer “good answer, I would marry Hugh too” Richard whispers on your ear and you laugh, you ask the same to the next person that the bottle landed on and the game kept going again you feel Taron observing you but you didn’t let that affect you, now you were playing never have I ever, quickly turning into a nsfw game, you drink at the most boring ones but you didn’t mind as all of your friends were definitely drunk, your friend somehow got closer to Richard and ended sitting on his lap the game came to and end as most of the players passed out, you help some of them to their rooms others lay on the couch and y/f/n disappeared with Richard a while ago. 

“that was fun” Taron says sitting next to you on the floor “yup” you say remarking the p “why marry Hugh and not me?” he asks taking the bottle of beer from your hand and sip from it, you looked at him in disbelieve “are you really asking me that? c’mon you know the man, he can do it all and he is funny and handsome” you say counting the things with your fingers “true” he agrees and you took the bottle back to drink “how’s been life treating you?” you nervously ask “can’t complain...just finished press tour of Rocketman now I’m back at home to spend time with my family and friends some of them I haven’t seen in a long time” he smiles down at you “looking forward to catch up with them and finally rest” he adds without noticing you start playing with his hand that was close to you drawing circles on his palm “I think you deserve it, It was a really good movie” you whisper “did you watch it?” he ask not believing you “Of course I did, I didn’t know you could sing” you stop playing with his hand and put yours in your knee and look at him “I do apparently, I used to sing but nothing serious, like in the shower type of thing” you laugh “fuck, you even got to know Elton, I hate you” you two talk for a while till you couldn’t keep your eyes open and after you yawn for the fifth time “I think you should go to sleep, love” you feel your chest flutter at the nickname, it felt so natural, and you die a little on the inside “good night” you say as you got up from the floor.

 You made your way to your room but you hear the moans coming from it on the hallway “fuck” you mutter out loud, now what? you think, maybe you can squeeze yourself on the sofa?, walking back to the living you bump into Taron “is everything alright?” he asks “my roommate is kinda busy fucking Richard so I’m going to sleep here” you say looking at the already crowded couch “I don’t think that’s a good idea, there is no space here... maybe….since your roommate is fucking my roommate...we can share my bed?” Taron asks nervously “oh...I don’t want to bother you, I’ll manage something” you say quickly “nonsense you are certainly not bothering, and there is no space here, c’mon let’s go” he practically orders making you walk with him, you were lucky that it was far from the room were your friend was so you couldn’t hear a thing, getting inside the room and looking at the bed all your fears are left behind and crawl into the bed right away feeling exhausted “you are not sleeping with that right?” he asks “well all my things are in my room and I’m not going there anytime soon” you turn yourself onto your back and gaze at the ceiling crossing your arms over your chest, you hear Taron shuffling in his bag and throws a t-shirt at you “you can use that” “thanks” you mutter and went to the bathroom and change, taking off your jeans and shirt, you put his t-shirt and you smile like a teenage girl at the smell that came from it, you were short so it fits like a dress but it did lift up a little on your ass, perks of having a big booty, trying to get the t-shirt as down as possible, it didn’t, well it’s not getting any down than this you finally say, you let your hair fall freely from your ponytail, back to the room Taron was looking for something and he was shirtless, fuck that man is so hot, not wanting to get caught staring you walk to the bed and get inside humming contently with your eyes closed feeling the soft bed sheets hugging you, opening your eyes you see Taron smiling at you and got into the bed too, keeping a prudent space between you “g night” you say turning over and he turns off the light “night” you hear him “wait” he said, "before you fall asleep" you turn around and he says  “... not to freak you out but I’m a cuddler” you see his cheeks getting red even when the light was off and you laugh at his confession “good” you said turning around again, not knowing from where this kick of confidence came, you pressed your back to his chest and grab his hand to pull it around your waist and put your hand over his arm you feel his hot breath against the back of your neck as he nuzzled his head in the crock of your neck, you tangled your legs together “good night Taron” you finally say and fell sleep right away. Being held by him it was far better from anything that you ever imagined.

[timeagainreviews]

The Filler Fluff of the Cybermen

When is a two-parter not a two-parter? When the first part is tonight’s episode "Ascension of the Cybermen." As stories go, that was pretty damn sparse. I’ll be honest, friends, I don’t have a lot to say about tonight’s story. But that’s not why you come here, so I will try my damnedest to find something to talk about in this latest episode of Doctor Who. Right, now, how many words was that? Sixty-seven? Christ. This is going to be a slog.

I honestly shouldn’t be surprised. It had to happen. I was saying just last week that I hadn’t seen an episode I outright hated so far this series. We were due. That’s not to say I actually feel hate for this episode, more accurately, I feel very little about this episode. Usually, I endeavour to do more than simply trash an episode, but tonight, it’s either that, or I end the review here. So apologies ahead of time.

The episode opens on a Cyberman head floating in space with some knucklehead voiceover telling us about how the Cybermen have been mostly wiped out and what remains of humanity isn’t much better. The episode will now spend the next fifty minutes reiterating this point ad nausea. It was like a Star Wars title crawl, except in Star Wars, the crawl isn’t the plot of the movie you’re about to watch. Funnily, a lot of tonight’s episode reminded me of "The Last Jedi." Our heroes get split up. A slow chase ensues. No new information is gained. And it ends leaving us feeling like not a lot happened.

The Doctor and her companions come to a small human colony in the distant future. There are only seven of them left. The Doctor sets up a series of relays to help this ragtag bunch of humans kill off an oncoming Cyberman attack. Only thing is, they had never accounted for the Cybermen to first send out "Cyber Drones." Now, say you’ve got a room full of artists who love Doctor Who. And you tell them all to design drones that will be utilised by Cybermen. You can imagine they might have some rather impressive designs. Now, gather up all of those beautiful and creative drawings into your arms and throw them in the bin. Instead, we’re going to just use floating Cyberman heads. Was this because Chibnall is the kind of guy who thinks a dude with teeth pressed into his face is creepy or is this because reusing Cyberman heads is cheap? I’ll let you decide.

The Cyberheads and their eye lasers do quick work of the Doctor’s relays and sends everyone scattering to the wind. With three of the humans dead, Ryan, a young boy named Ethan, and the Doctor get left behind. Yaz and Graham, find themselves aboard a rickety gravraft with the remainder of the humans. With the TARDIS too far away, the Doctor decides they need to hijack a Cybership. I gotta give it to the Cybermen, they take better care of their ship than they do their own bodies. It’s almost as if there was no continuity in the design. Or maybe it’s like when you see someone whose life is a total mess but they have a dope car. I’ll let you decide.

After Ethan hotwires the Cybership, the Doctor pilots the ship to the most logical destination- her TARDIS. No, I’m just kidding, that would have made sense! Instead, she goes somewhere. I just double-checked with my boyfriend and we honestly couldn’t remember why anyone was doing anything at this point in the episode. After combing the episode I finally found a bit of throwaway dialogue where Ethan programmed the ship to go to a place called "Ko Sharmus." Meanwhile, the other group of protagonists are floating listlessly in space, making them the most relatable characters in this episode as that’s exactly how I felt.

By now you’re probably wondering why I haven’t gotten to the B-story happening in this episode. I guess here is as good a place as any, as it made just as much sense crammed anywhere in the episode it pleased. We see a young man and woman find a baby. This baby grows up to be their adopted son, Brendan. Brendan becomes a cop. Brendan gets shot and falls off a cliff. Brendan wakes up unscathed. Brendan’s dad looks at him like he’s creepy. Brendan grows old and retires. Brendan’s dad and boss, seemingly having not aged, wipe his memory. It makes as much sense as a wicker toilet and gives us no new information. At one point I thought he may have been Captain Jack’s kid, but then he grows old, so I don’t know what to think. What I do know is that you could have edited it down and made it into a far better cold opener than that Cyberhead floating in space shit.

The humans aboard the gravraft get stranded next to a giant Cyberman ship where a battle has gone down. Remnants of Cybermen ping the hull of their vessel like tiny asteroids. They get the bright idea to use the airlock to give the gravraft an extra thrust into the Cybership. I don’t know if it was intentional, but having Graham say "Don’t panic," right before they release the airlock was a nice little Douglas Adams reference. Or maybe it wasn’t at all, but I’ll take any joy from this episode I can get. Much like the idiotic hip bounce from "Can You Hear Me?" that knocked the sonic screwdriver up into the Doctor’s hands, the gravraft makes a million in one shot directly into the Cyberman ship’s docking bay. If they have that kind of luck sinking shots like that, they should really take their skills to the minigolf course.

The second I saw the ship, I knew that they were going to do the rows upon rows of sleeping Cybermen emerging from their tombs. It’s a Doctor Who trope as old as the Patrick Troughton era. My boyfriend was enjoying these bits as he is less familiar with the history of Doctor Who, so I let him have his fleeting enjoyment. I couldn’t even get jazzed about the new Cyberman design as they had already spoiled it with online photos. Basically, aside from the head-scratching B-story, the plot to tonight’s episode could be gathered by looking at promotional photos. There were new Cybermen. The Lone Cyberman was there. Nothing new to be learned here. Though, I will admit those new Cybermen are genuinely awesome.

The Doctor has a brief encounter with a hologram of the Lone Cyberman, or "Ashad." We learn that Ashad doesn’t just want to destroy all humans, he wants to destroy all life in the universe, for reasons. So I guess it wasn’t all a wash. Ashad heads to the Cybership where he begins waking up the Cybermen by what looks like torture. I have absolutely zero idea why he was doing what he was doing. It’s not at all made clear. Was he giving a titty twister so the Cybermen would accept him as their leader? Because after waking up the rest of them, they all seem to fall in line. Honestly, what the hell was he doing to that Cyberman? It makes no goddamn sense.

One thing I will say that made me happy was that one of my predictions from before episode one came true. They gave Graham a bit of a love interest. I called that shit. This possible love interest came in the form of Ravio, one of the human colonists. I found it rather amusing that in the future humans would still speak with British accents but have lost all context for Cockney rhyming slang. It was a cute bit of dialogue that falls apart if you think about it too much. The Cybermen force the humans into a corner to barricade themselves from the onslaught of Cybermen, and that’s where they’re left until next weekend.

Meanwhile, the Doctor arrives at Ko Sharmus which ends up being a person’s name as opposed to a planet. Chris Chibnall’s ability to name characters has not improved. Seriously, there are characters named Feekat and Yedlarmi in this episode. It hardly matters though as they’re all rather forgettable. I had to comb the episode and the internet just to figure out who was who. The Doctor never even introduces herself to Ethan. I had to figure his name out through one of the many throwaway lines of dialogue. That’s not to say that they don’t have real bits of character development. But you can take all of the character development in the world and wrap it around a hollow plot and it equals a lot of me not giving a shit.

Ko Sharmus was a welcome addition, simply because he was played by the charismatic Ian McElhinney. Turns out he’s a human colonist who stays behind in case any more humans might one day also come to this planet. There’s a sort of gateway or “boundary” out of the galaxy where many humans have gone to escape pursuit by Cyberman. Ko Sharmus’ job is to act as a guide to any possible newcomers also looking to reach said boundary. However, the Doctor quickly learns that the boundary is actually a gateway to Gallifrey. Only now it shows Gallifrey as the Master left it- in ruins.

Did I mention the Master? Well, here he is, making a "grand" entrance. The only thing at this point that was grand about the introduction of the Master to the story was that I was excited that something of substance was actually about to happen. Instead, this is our cliffhanger- this not at all surprising reveal that the Master is still alive. Of course, he is, he’s the Master. It’s a season finale with the Cybermen, of course, the Master is going to be there. It’s been that way for the past two Cyberman season finales. I guess the third time is a charm? What about any of this is supposed to be surprising? Remember how I said I was afraid they were becoming far too reliant on big reveals? This ending is the epitome of that. I think they expected to blow our minds by having the storyline they set up at the beginning of the series come into fruition. Try harder Chibs, this shit was weak.

The biggest shocker here is how little happened. What we were left with was akin to a classic filler episode where the Doctor gets captured. They padded out everything because they didn’t want next week’s episode to be ten minutes longer. Tonight’s episode exists purely because Chris Chibnall couldn’t edit down the script of a single episode into something shorter. This wouldn’t be so egregious if at least one storyline came to some sort of conclusion. If the B-story with Brendan had gone somewhere it might have made the entire episode feel somewhat worth the time and effort. Instead, we’re forced to watch a team of talented actors fill time.

I can’t help but feel like last week’s episode should have been this week’s episode with maybe a bit more setup for the finale. In place of this forgettable fluff, we could have gotten a single contained episode in its place. Something that had a beginning, middle, and end. Because of this, it’s almost as if we’ve been shorted an episode. Because of all of the wasted time in "Ascension of the Cybermen," I can only think of two outcomes for next week. One is an episode crammed so full of exposition that it will feel messy and disjointed. The other is an episode that is as equally underwhelming as tonight’s effort. Do you really mean to tell me they’re going to fit a Cyberman battle, Captain Jack, the Master, Gallifrey, the Timeless Child, and possibly Ruth into an episode and it not be a mess? It’s hard to have faith that there is a reason behind this much wasted screentime. I could use some of Graham’s optimism because at this moment it’s looking a bit hopeless.

[gosagacious]

Fixing Maximum Ride

A while back I wrote out my description of how I would have wanted the Maximum Ride series to go. There are elements I like. I think it has a kind of campy charm. However, I also think more editing would have really, really helped.

BOOK 1

I always felt like the first book glossed over its major twist—one that the film made explicit. Not only is Jeb alive, but the Flock never escaped. They have been inside a fishbowl this whole time. Their house, their food supply, their clothes – all from the School. And then the School decided to run a test by taking Angel away and seeing how the Flock responded.

So the first part of the book is them living in isolated freedom. The Erasers take Angel and the others set out to rescue her . . . but then they all end up captured and learn that they were never free at all.

I will make a criticism that others have made before me – it is too easy for the Flock to escape the School. And the second part of the book serves no plot purpose. They escape the School, they go meandering around New York, and then they go back into a different School for the climax. There is nothing significant in between.

So follow the movie’s lead and cut that out entirely. The second half of the book is them escaping the School for real, on their own, using all the techniques they learned while searching for Angel. Angel pitches in with the powers she’s been learning to use during the experiments. Along the way, Max gets the chance to steal some papers with data on the Flock’s parents. They free the other experiments (one being Total) and fight their way out. Along the way, Max is forced to fight Ari to the death, and she flees with Jeb yelling after her that Ari was her brother . . . because I liked that ending.

The Flock recuperates outside. Most of the other experiments run off, even though the Flock tries to keep them together (in the original book, this scene was tantamount to criminal negligence). Over the course of the book, the Flock has learned not only to work as a unit, but that there is good in the world and people they can trust, like Dr. Martinez. The only other experiment to stay with them is Total, because fine, let’s have the dog. Now with more information on their origins, they set out in hopes of finding their parents.

BOOK 2

I actually don’t have much problem with the beginning of this book. The Flock’s attacked by the Erasers, led by a resurrected Ari, and Fang is mortally wounded. They all wind up at a public hospital. This FBI agent named Anne sweeps in, gets them all out of the hospital, and takes them to an idyllic ranch. They go to a swanky private school and experience normal life. It’s all too good to be true. Max is suspicious of Anne—something doesn’t add up about this place. And Iggy and Gazzy, who instantly get into trouble at school, stumble across some weird occurrences.

But meanwhile, Max and Fang are investigating their parents. Everything’s a dead end, but finally they find Iggy’s parents. So Iggy goes to stay with his parents. Anne freaks out, because she doesn’t know where he is. And as it turns out, Anne was an Itex agent all along. Itex found out about the hospital and used it to re-ensnare the Flock. The beautiful ranch house is one of their locations. The private school is a place where they run experiments on kids.

I’d probably follow the Marvel comic and have the principal call Max into his office, where School scientists are waiting. Itex is fed up with Anne, who has been doing nothing but pamper the Flock and just lost one of them. Learning the truth, the Flock flees as the private school falls into chaos.

As for Iggy: his parents are not trying to turn him into a sideshow freak. They are rightly horrified by what’s happened to him, and they go to the media not to make money off him, but to reveal the truth about Itex. However, the School has always been very careful to make sure the Flock was terrified of trusting adults and especially the media. Worldwide attention is bad for the School, not for the Flock. But the kids haven’t figured that out yet, so Iggy flies away to rejoin the Flock.

After that the story kind of meanders. I would not have them go to Disney World. Patterson seems to forget very frequently that these are homeless children with no source of income. They’re not buying new outfits or waltzing through the front gate of the Magic Kingdom.

However, I would keep Max’s growing paranoia, her urge to get the chip out of her arm. I would also keep Ari’s character development.

I’m not sure about the clone.

BOOK 3

Fang and Max can go back to Dr. Martinez – the one person they trust – to get Max’s chip taken out. However, this does nothing to help them and they find that the rest of the Flock has been recaptured by the School while they were gone. When they go to rescue them, they get captured too.

One thing that has to go is the “reveal” that “it was all a dream.” That little plot detour instantly killed my suspension of disbelief and the series was never the same.

Anyway, they escape the School again, and this time Ari comes along. However, Max and Fang fight so much over this that they break up the Flock. Fang takes Gazzy and Iggy to California; all this time he’s been blogging and he’s realized that this is the way to hurt Itex the most, so he’s going to the news. Meanwhile, Max and everyone else go to Europe. They’re heading for the source of all this. They get captured but learn all the information they need in the process. Itex is preparing for their final plan to decimate the world’s population, and people are there from all over the world to buy their weapons. Max’s mini-flock leads a rebellion among the experiments (no “Angel just brainwashes everyone into rebellion,” please).

Meanwhile, Fang’s flock does not instantly give up on the media because the security guards won’t let them in and Fang randomly forgets that he can just show them his wings. (This is even brought up IN TEXT.) And no, Fang does not magically send an email to “every kid in the world.” Instead, Fang’s flock gets on the news and reveals the truth about Itex. Kids can still organize many of the protests at Itex, but it will not be as ludicrous as what happens in the book. Pro tip: picketing a business for one afternoon will not make the business instantly collapse. And breaking in and vandalizing stuff is probably not going to end well for you.

Otherwise, the ending goes about the way Patterson wrote it – except that Dr. Martinez is not Max’s biological mother. I just can’t justify how contrived that is. However, she is still Max’s mom and offers the Flock a home at the end. Let her be the character she was originally established to be. And Max can still be Latina. Her biological mother can just be a random scientist who, like Jeb, contributed genetic material.

AFTER BOOK 3

The first three books have flaws, but at their core is a good story. All they need is some decent editing. The next six books present more of a problem.

Book 3 wrapped up nearly every major plot thread. It was a natural ending for the series. But for some reason (money) Patterson kept it going. The result is a group of books with no purpose, where the characters just kind of meander around and sometimes there’s a threat to the environment and I guess they’re superheroes.

This point in the series is where we get into blatant wish fulfilment. The Flock is better than everyone else ever. They live on their own and don’t need any grownups – the grownups build them a house where they can live on their own and do whatever they want. They go to school only if they feel like it. There’s a random eccentric billionaire who never shows up but gives them all the money they want – I’m not making that up.

But there were so many directions that just died.

Where are the Flock’s parents? Max has Dr. Martinez so we don’t care.

What happened to the Flock’s clones? Max’s clone shows up so we don’t care.

Who was the Voice? It’s Max’s dad—no, wait, we don’t know anymore.

Have Dr. Martinez work on adopting the Flock. Some of their parents surface—in some cases, the parents who sold them—and try to get close to them. Iggy’s parents are OK and can come to some arrangement with Dr. Martinez. They move close by so the Flock can be together.

I think Patterson was bored with the parents plot because he’d done it in The Lake House—but the parents don’t all need to be evil hags or self-serving boors! They can be decent people!

Show all the evil scientists we love to hate being convicted for their crimes. The Director, Anne Walker, that guy with the goofy accent. Show the Flock having to testify at their trials. Maybe show some of the bad guys going free on lack of evidence.

Show what happens to all the other mutant experiments. Show the Flock spending time with them, wherever they are. They got written off in one line in The Final Warning – I think we’re meant to assume they all went to the Lerner School for Gifted Children or whatever, which was never mentioned again. The next time they showed up was on the private Paradise island.

Show the Flock trying to start normal lives, for real this time. The media wants to see more of them. There are movie deals and licensing offers, but they try to stay far away from that. (This was another canon dead end I’d want to turn into an actual plotline.) 

Maybe they struggle with public school (it’s canon that they do not fit in well and make people uncomfortable), so Dr. Martinez tries homeschooling and tutoring. Use Patterson’s unfinished plot threads for Nudge. Unlike the others, Nudge thrives at public school and starts making friends. Max has trouble relating to this little sister who is developing her own interests that don’t coincide with hers, and who seems to be drifting away. Max might not be homeless, starving or on the run anymore, but she’s also lost the control and freedom she had, and it feels like her family might drift apart. She was forced to become an adult way too early and now she feels forced back into the kid role.

Okay, so that’s not quite the action-thriller angle that the books normally take. So maybe we can add in more villains and save-the-world drama.

The later books get very episodic, with one-book villains who are never heard from again, as Patterson and ghostwriters try desperately to keep the series going with random ideas. Eventually, in FANG, Dr. Gunther-Hagen moseys in to set up the love triangle but seems like another one-off villain. In ANGEL the Doomsday Group show up and they seem to be our main antagonists for the remaining series - until Nevermore when a giant meteor kills everyone. And then Maximum Ride Forever reveals that Dr. Gunther-Hagen was the main villain all along. 

The only real uniting “plotline” that shows up in these books is that the world is going to end and Max is supposed to save it. I don’t think they ever explain how the world is going to end (until after it’s already ended), let alone how she’s supposed to stop it. Dr. Gunther-Hagen’s plan seems to be “have mutants repopulate the earth with Max as their queen” for . . . some reason.

Seriously, what was Jeb originally planning?

Scientist: Have we come up with a way to save the world yet?

Jeb: Yes. Here’s our 100% foolproof solution.

Scientist: That’s an infant. How is she going to stop a giant death-meteor hurtling towards earth?

Jeb: She’s part bird.

Scientist: … Brilliant!

I originally thought he was trying to take down Itex from the inside – which they accomplished in the third book - but his motivations become increasingly confusing with the last few installments in the series.

Honestly, I would not go near the giant meteor plot with a ten-foot pole. That was just spitting in the readers’ faces, and Maximum Ride Forever could only function as a bandaid. I thought that book was actually decent, but it was dealing with the aftermath of a truly terrible writing decision. Also, please no pregnant teenage Max. Patterson already did that in The Lake House and it was gross. He had two pregnant teenagers in Cradle and All (unrelated to this series) and it was REALLY gross.

Back to my real-world-boring-consequences plot: Dr. Gunther-Hagen shows up as this guy who had “connections” to Itex, but nobody can actually prove he was involved, and he explains he had no idea about all the evil science stuff, and he’s donating money to help these poor exploited mutant children . . . in fact he even got one named Dylan who he’s raising as his son. And hey, Dylan should hang out with the Flock, they can be friends! Maybe more than friends, huh, Max?

Gunther-Hagen can replace the random billionaire as the Flock’s benefactor. They’re not fully comfortable with that, but they’re a little busy because Itex folks keep popping up under new names, like the Uber-Director (who needs a name change) and Mr. Chu (ughhh) and the Doomsday Group. The books follow the Flock fighting these people off and trying to figure out where they keep coming from.

If there has to be an army of Ari clones, maybe one of them could have a change of heart. I want something more than just “Ari’s back and he’s evil again and there’s a lot of him – go fight.” His arc was my favorite part of the first three books. Justice for Ari!

In the final book, it turns out that Gunther-Hagen was the mastermind all along. He is still orchestrating Itex’s plan to wipe out half the population. They were planning to do that through a plague bioweapon (yes, that was part of the canon plot), so the Flock has to fight and stop them. Dylan turns against his father and joins the Flock. Boom, you’ve got an overarching plot with a conclusion that makes sense.

And that’s how I, personally, would fix Maximum Ride. 

In addition, here’s one person’s rewrite of the first book that I thought was good: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11257310/1/Try-Not-to-Scream 

[beatyoutothepunchline]

On Getting Dressed

Getting dressed in the morning has always been difficult for me. If I can, I will wear the same outfit four times in one week to avoid having to think about it any longer than necessary. My go-to outfit at the moment is my green and black J-Crew plaid button-down, my high-waisted Madewell skinny jeans with the button fly and my Doc Martens. At this point in my life, I do not ask myself, “Do you think somebody will realize you’ve been wearing the same pair of jeans for the last four days?” but, “Do these jeans look and smell clean enough that if someone were to realize you’ve been wearing them for the last four days, they wouldn’t call you out on it?” If the answer is yes, I will throw on the outfit again. I don’t dress to look nice most days. “Nice” meaning my makeup is done, my hair is straight and parts in a way that frames my face in a flattering way, my outfit is coordinated, cleaned and ironed and my shoes match the vibe I’m going for. When I look "nice" there is generally a vibe I am going for and that can vary day to day. A coat of concealer and a flat iron are nice, but it isn’t really necessary. Some days I run around Chicago in an oversized sweatshirt, with bags under my eyes and my naturally wavy hair pulled back in a ponytail. Sometimes I’m more dressed up, others I’m more dressed down. I’m most comfortable in jeans and a tee shirt and because I tend to get more done when I don’t feel like I’m sticking out for looking good or bad. There are certain days where I have to critically think about my wardrobe as I might an essay or an article for class--interviews, dates, holidays--and those days are agonizing. I would argue there is just as much nuance and subtext in the right outfit as there is in a Hemingway short story. Which is why most fashion related things go over my head. But every now and then, I force myself to stand in front of my closet and edit my wardrobe to what I wear. I’m not a person with many clothes, but there are always a few things I find I can get rid of. As I pick up each piece and I asked myself, “Is this still me?” I stopped to wonder, “How did this become my thing? Is it even my thing, or is it someone else’s?” Like most people, from birth till about I was old enough to make my own decision (and for those decisions to be preferably color coordinated, realistic, and weather/event appropriate), my clothing wasn’t my choice. So none of my clothes were my thing, rather what my mom thought would look cute on me. This is why there is a picture of me in an Angelina Ballerina tee shirts and pink capris with a fairy wand and crown on my fourth birthday, and a picture of me in fifth grade wearing a striped, pink white shirt and short sets from Old Navy while on our family trip to Hawaii, and why my first day of school photo from seventh grade I’m wearing a short sleeved and khaki jacket with a lacy pink tank top and black shorts. I can separate my current wardrobe, almost perfectly into black, white, denim, olive green, and varying shades of blue. I have one pink sweater (which my mother bought me) and while I will occasionally throw it on and wear it around my apartment, I end up tearing it off within twenty minutes because of the I cannot stand the color or cut of it. The reason I wear the monochrome is because I am pale and my skin has a naturally pink undertone. If you flip my wrist over, you can see every vein in my arm up to my elbow. You can see the veins in my feet, in my thighs and my stomach. Wearing, black, white, denim, olive and shades of blue makes the pinkish undertone is less noticable and helps the bright blue veins blend in better. Wearing pink, or bright yellow washes me out and makes weird details intense. As for the cut of it, it’s a cropped sweater with side splits up to my ribcage, on top of being wildly ineffective at keeping me warm, it makes my long torso appear even longer than it is, and it just isn’t me. Nothing in my wardrobe is really “me” though. I came to this realization after glancing at the mess of clothes scattered across my bedroom floor while taking a “break” from spring cleaning this last weekend. Everything in my closet I own because of someone else. I own a pair of Gold Cup Sperry Topsiders because my freshman year of high school there was a senior boy with a British accent who browsed the bookshelves of the library before school in a pair of Sperry’s. In the era of Victoria Secret yoga pants tucked into beat to hell Ugg boots and calf-length Nike socks slipped thoughtlessly into pairs of ADIDAS shower slides on the way out the door, his shoes, as well as the pressed khaki pants and button-down shirts, his perfectly gelled hair, and his accent, captured a kind of class that seemed lost on the rest of the students at my high school. Though my own Sperry’s seem to more closely resemble some douchebag college frat guys than the classy look of Boat Shoe Guy’s, when I look of them I think back to being fourteen, working up the guts to sit at his table in the library, not quite brave enough to say anything, and listening to him talk in what I later found out was a fake British accent about things I can’t remember with other, older people and feeling cool. Not in a conventional way. Cool in a nerdy way I didn’t realize I could be until I met him. When I look at the gold hoop earrings I keep in my great grandmother’s teacup with the rest of my small jewelry collection, I realize that my love for them comes from mother, who wore perfect silver hoops earrings frequently throughout my childhood. When I think of them I think of box blonde hair, and regrettable bangs and her capped tooth smile. I’m the opposite. My hair is dirty blonde, I don’t have bangs (never again after my mom cut thick ones so far back on my head that for several months I had Joe Dirt’s mullet). My hoops aren’t perfect circles and they are gold color, not silver.I don’t look or act much like my mother, but occasionally when I put them on I feel like I can fake that same kind of magnetic charm and try to smile with my teeth like she does. I decide I can pull off the hoops, but not the toothy grin and leave it at that. I own a black pea coat because of the movie Giant. Which doesn’t seem like it would make sense give it’s a movie set in Marfa, Texas, but let me explain. My freshman year of high school my grandma bought a copy of Giant for my dad’s birthday and one day a few weeks after she’d given it to him, I found it lying on the buffet in our living room. Being the movie buff I am, and being intregued by the front cover I decided to watch it. The entire time I just kept thinking the blond guy from the front cover was cute (which, in retrospect, is the dumbest take away a person could have after watching that film). After the movie I decided to Google him and came upon a picture of him walking down the rainy street in New York City. Wet cigarette hanging out of his mouth, collar of his iconic black black pea coat poped. And Where I can’t say I’ve ever fallen in love at first sight, I imagine it’s similar to seeing James Dean in that jacket. In an excerpt from ‘Women in Clothes,’ an anthology about how clothes define and shape us, Leanne Shapton, author and artist, writes of a similar love-at-first-sight feeling she with an Isabel Marant dress she saw a woman wearing at a party, “I admired her hair: worn loose, flecked with grey. And her manner: warm, thoughtful, sincere. She wore no makeup, and the dress, which was sack-like, lent her a modesty I liked. We spoke about our children. Then, in a lull in the conversation, I came back to the dress, complimenting it again. She nodded, knowing. Then I did something that surprised me: I leaned down and picked up the edge of her skirt and touched it, marveling aloud at the light, smooth fabric. I have never touched another woman’s dress like that before. A fur sleeve once, but I’ve never had that grasping, clutching impulse.” In her essay, Sharpton wonders if her feelings she had about the dress “also had something to do with admitting I want something. I’ve struggled with admitting what I want most of my life, not admitting until the last possible moment that I wanted a child. Admitting I flat-out wanted this dress was new to me. I was nervous.” Where I can’t say I relate to the wanting a kid portion of that statement, I can relate to the feeling of wanting something. Wanting to be unique and confident, two feelings I don’t feel like I’ve ever fully had but have just been chasing after my whole life. The reason my go-to outfit is what it is is because of directors like Sofia Coppola and Point Break era, Kathryn Bigelow. There is this picture of Kathryn Bigelow standing in front of a monitor next to Keanu Reeves and Patrick Swayze: white tee shirt, baggy blue jeans, cool boxy shades, and a Reebok baseball hat. When I don’t know what to wear, or when I need to do something I’m not sure I can, I dress up and pretend to be somebody I think can figure it out. Be the woman who can direct a surfer bank heist movie, the woman who can speak French, beautifully while eating a croissant, scarlet lips pouted, Rick Blaine tripping over his shit, the Dude who’s got no idea how the hell things are going to work out, but isn’t too worried about it. Cause maybe things just will in the end. It isn’t an exact copy, it looks similar enough to them that I’m able to capture their attitude, power. . . their magic, but different enough that it’s still me. So I put on my version of that outfit when I don’t know what else to wear because it is comfortable and easy and because I’ve tricked myself into thinking it will inspire some sort of brilliant direction and confidence I don’t feel like I have on my own. Even if it doesn’t do what I think it will and my voice gets caught in my throat and I let someone talk over me, or I get rejected, or I fail and fall flat on my face. When I wear my navy Calvin Klein wrap dress, everyone I know groans and says, “You wear that all the time. Don’t you own another dress?” I do. There is the ombre floor length prom dress that lives back of my closet at my parent's house which I bought because it made me look like Jennifer Aniston, and the crochet white and orange dress that I bought from Urban Outfitter’s because it reminded me of Shasta Fay Hepworth’s orange dress in Paul Thomas Anderson’s Inherent Vice. I don’t usually have the occasion to wear either of these dresses, but the navy wrap dress works for almost any occasion so that’s why I wear it. It creates some shape on my fairly shapeless form, and I like it because it makes me feel like Lauren Bacall. Equal parts sexy, mysterious and classy in a way that I am otherwise not. I’ve never worn it on a date, but I’d be lying if I said if I’d never worn it to a half hour meeting to look “nice” only to walk around downtown Chicago just to see people turn their heads and wonder, “Who is she?” Then, for a fraction of a second, I am the woman I’m not to somebone. When I am at home on Saturday mornings, and my hair is all frizzed out and drooled on and I can’t be bothered to put on actual pants, I walk around in my boxers, oversized and stained Sid’s Liquor tee shirt and a cardigan. I throw on some sunglasses, debate making myself a White Russian and go full-on “The Dude” from The Big Lebowski. Cause it’s hard to relax when you live and work in the same place and I can only seem to do it when I’m someone else. But it is me? Dressing up as someone else might get me through the day, but what if I never take risks as myself? Years from now, will there be some girl who sees a pair of Madewell skinny jeans at the bottom of a pile at a thrift store or finds an old pair of boots that will say, “Oh my god, I love it. It’s so Sidney Thompson.” if I can’t even dress up like her? Am I just a shot for shot remake with nothing new to offer, to contribute, to inspire? Will people see me or will they tease my style apart and say, “Oh, she’s ripping off So-and-So.” I’d like to think I’m more of a Quentin Tarantino homage to all my favorite fashion icons. You can see where I stole, but I’d like to think every now and then there’s someone out there is able to see that part of me poking through one of my costumes and thinks it’s pretty cool.

[theonewiththefanfics]

At Arm’s Length (part 2)

Part 1- Modern!AU

Part 3

Part 4

Pairing: CEO!Bucky x Reader

Genre: angst

Warnings: swearing, the usual stuff, bad editing, ‘m sorry

Word count: 2848

Quick PSA- if you liked Never The Friend please read Author’s Note :)

Throughout the next week, Y/N was just pure nerves. Bucky had called to remind Y/N to give him the colour of her dress so that they could match. But once the dreaded evening rolled around all the fear and anxiety turned into a sudden calmness. She couldn’t do anything about it, so why try and remedy it? Sure, Y/N could tell Bucky herself, that she was going to leave quite soon, but then again- the girl was a coward, unable to face the truth of the matter, unable to be the one to break his heart like that.   At six PM, right on the dot, her doorbell rang. The emerald green dress hugged her waist and curves, flailing out in a trail behind her as she opened the door. Bucky’s breath hitched when his blue eyes befell on the woman, his tie matching the exact shade of the fabric, while the cuffs of his jacket glimmered with the actual green gems.    “You look absolutely mesmerising,” after a good few seconds he breathed out.    “I-“ she was just about to rebuff, but relented. “Thank you, Bucky. You look amazing as well.”    “Trust me, I look nothing compared to you,” his eyes had settled on her face, complete awe overtaking his features. “Just… wow…”    They stood there like that, just gazing into one another until Y/N had to remind Bucky that there was an event they had to get to and they need to leave before it started.    He cleared his throat, swallowing away the nervousness.    “Shall we?” he extended her his elbow. Gently she looped her hand through his and made their way out of the apartment.    Bucky couldn’t keep his eyes off of the girl’s form. Her own Y/E/C orbs were trained to the city outside, lights blurring together in an indistinguishable mass as they whizzed through the streets in his Jaguar. Soft classical music filled the air, as neither spoke. It wasn’t an uncomfortable silence. With them it never was, though he did note a certain tension, an uneasiness oozing from Y/N, but he didn’t mention it. She was never one to talk much about her feelings, so if she wanted, she would. 

   It felt like they drove only for a couple of minutes when the driver announced that they were by the tower. Bucky hadn’t wanted the moment to end, but as the bright flashes momentarily blinded him from the open door, Y/N looked over and gave him a small smile.    “Let’s go. The crowd is waiting for you.”    “Love, when they see how gorgeous you are, no one will even care that I am there.”    Y/N suppressed the blush. When you know someone has feelings for you and you reciprocate, it’s quite hard to let comments like that simply let slip by.        “Yeah, well I’m not the most eligible bachelor in all of New York, so I highly doubt it.”    Bucky chuckled as the driver stepped aside and let the man climb out. The crowd went wild as did the photographers, calling out his name, and asking him to turn to pose. He extended his hand. It was his left one. The prosthetic. Y/N slid her palm into it and he firmly grasped hers, helping her out of the car.    He had lost his left arm in a horrible train accident. She hadn’t known about it for almost two years after it happened. Bucky and Steve had been on a university trip to Paris when there was a collision and the large machine had gone off the tracks. Miraculously enough the blond had stayed almost unscathed, only bruised his ribs and back, while Bucky hadn’t gotten out so easily.    It was only when they returned home, only when she met up with them years later did Y/N see that he was missing a limb.    “Yeah,” he had muttered, shrugging with the non-existent shoulder. “A thing happened.”        Her Y/E/C eyes were wide and mouth had gone completely dry. “A-a thing?” she whispered out. “You call losing your fucking arm a thing?!”    They had been out in public, her voice going higher and higher, almost to the point of hysterics, so Bucky stepped closer and one-armedly pulled the girl to his chest.    “Hey, don’t worry. I’m fine. It happened a while ba…”    Suddenly, it wasn’t worry and shock on her face, but pure white-hot rage.    “A while back?” she gritted out. “How long is a while back?”    Steve had seen the pleading look in his best friend’s eyes. “Why don’t we go grab a coffee?” he tried to interject, placing a palm on Y/N’s lower back. “We have so much to catch up on.”    “Yeah,” she sneered, not breaking the eye contact with Bucky. “We have a lot of stuff to catch up on.”    Bucky could only nervously smile and gulp.    Now, looking at what his accident had motivated him to achieve, Y/N felt proud of her best friend. The 'Barnes and Rogers' prosthetics company was the best of the best, having collaborated with many businesses and done many campaigns, most notably, creating durable, high-quality artificial limbs for soldiers and children.    She had been notably upset that Bucky nor Steve had decided to share their accident, even giving them the silent treatment for almost a month, but it was when the brown-haired beauty stood on her doorstep, tears in his eyes, two large pizzas in palm and a bag of all her favourite movies and snacks slung across his back, did Y/N finally relent and forgive them.    The woman was pulled out of her thoughts as the cool metal wove across her back and firmly pressed her body to Bucky’s side.    “Told you no one would care for me,” he muttered into her hair, bright flashes illuminating the pair.    He pressed a kiss to her head and smiled at the crowd, the photographers and interviewers shouting ‘are you two a couple’, ‘who is the lovely lady’ and ‘you look perfect together’.    They moved across the red carpet, the shimmering green of her dress contrasting the red in the most complimentary way, a hand-woven around Bucky’s middle, as to help them move along and also not trip over her own feet from the anxiety flowing through her body. She was sure he could hear her erratic heartbeat even over the roar of people; see the way he actually affected her. But Bucky didn’t comment on it. Only firmly held her and rubbed soothing circles on her side. It felt so right to the girl. To be with him like this. So close, moulded together and leaning into one another’s bodies. Yet the second Y/N was ready to allow herself get lost in his touch and scent, to maybe try this thing out between them, the fact that she had only a month left in New York before flying over to Spain and staring a life there- it was an instant and the walls were back up again.    Bucky leaned in closer, his cologne intoxicating Y/N’s senses, making her just burn with the need to bury her nose in the crook of his neck.    “I have to go talk to some of the reporters, but I’ll be right back.”    Y/N chuckled. “What will I ever do without you?”    The girl would probably later on regret allowing him to lean in and press a kiss to the corner of her lips, especially when this whole thing was being televised, but when they brushed against hers, so so close, she almost fully turned her head to pull his mouth flush against hers.    She looked at his form retreat. Bucky looked over at the girl and gave her a wink with that signature smirk of his accompanying it.    “Careful, Y/N,” suddenly Wanda’s voice was right next to her. “Or it will seem like you have finally stopped being stupid, admitted your feelings and have opened up a door to happiness.”    “Oh, hush up, Wan,” she pushed her shoulder. “You know nothing will happen. Not after tonight,” she mumbled looking down at the designer shoes adorning her feet.    “You still haven’t told him?” the redhead threw a smile at the photographers and pushed the long locks over her shoulder.    “He’s gonna find out tonight anyway, so what’s the point?”    “The point is,” Wanda turned to face Tony’s secretary, “that you two are in love. Everybody can see that, yet you seem to be too stubborn to allow yourself at least a chance.”    “I leave for Spain in a month. There is nothing worth trying out. I don’t want either of us to end up with a broken heart and our friendship to evaporate. I care too much about him to let that happen.” Y/N’s eyes were trained on the man’s back, as he talked with a blonde interviewer, the both laughing at something one of them had said.    Wanda huffed in defeat and gave her friend’s bicep a soft squeeze.    “I hope you know what you’re doing.”    With that she left Y/N, her gaze trailing behind the woman.    “I hope so too.”

   The tower was decorated beyond belief, but then again it was Tony Stark we’re talking about- the expert in lavish parties.    Y/N’s hand immediately grabbed a champagne glass from one of the waiters and she chugged it, a little bit of the bubbles coming back up her nose, but the girl didn’t care, taking another one almost immediately after.        “Slow down, doll. We have the whole night ahead of us,” Bucky’s gruff voice invaded her ears from behind, and he pressed a swift kiss to the crown of her head.    “Shouldn’t you find Steve?” Y/N looked around, eyes shifting to everything and everyone except Bucky.    As if on cue the last part of their unbreakable trio showed up, wrapping Y/N in a bone-crushing hug.    “Can’t- breathe,” she wheezed out, feeling as if he truly was about to break her ribs in half.    “I don’t care,” Steve muttered in Y/N’s hair. “I haven’t seen you in almost two weeks.”    “Mhm,” when he finally put her down, she turned around to look at him. “And whose fault is that?”    He had grown out a beard, his hair was slicked back and combed, but what really made Y/N’s mouth fall agape was the woman on his arm.        “I guess it was mine?” she awkwardly chuckled, the British accent fluttering through the air, as the Y/H/C haired girl practically tackled her.    “Holy shit, what the hell are you doing here?” Y/N cupped the woman’s cheeks. “Are you really here? Please tell me I’m not imagining this.”    “You’re not,” Peggy smiled and put her arms around her friend’s neck.    “I missed you so much. Thank the fuck, Steve got his head out of his ass.”    A soft ‘Hey!’ could be heard from next to them, but neither paid attention. Because it was true. Peggy had been his most stable girlfriend since high school, having been part of an exchange program, she was in the same class as the trio and became fast friends. Then things sorta had fallen apart between the two, Steve going to Yale and Peggy back to England. But now, it seemed the two had reconciled. And Y/N couldn’t be happier about it even if she tried.    Her brown hair was in perfect curls, almost reminding Y/N of how girls did their hair in the 40’s, but it suited her perfectly complimenting the deep burgundy dress just right.    “Can’t say that I disagree,” she eyed Steve from the side, who threw back his head, a ‘Lord-help-me’ look on his face, Bucky laughing next to him and patting his friend on the shoulder. “Though he did get his head out of his ass enough to do this”    At first, Y/N didn’t understand what Peggy was referring to until freshly manicured fingers were being wiggled in front of her face and there on the ring finger sat a platinum band with a giant diamond in the middle of it.        “Fucking finally!” Y/N exclaimed and hugged her even more ferociously. The four remained like that in their own little bubble, that was filled with nothing but love and care until Tony Stark gathered everyone’s attention, as he stood on the stage.    Bucky once again settled his palm on Y/N’s hip, but it did more than set her skin ablaze and heart racing. It also pulled her out of the safety she had felt while not thinking of what tonight was all about.    “Thank you all for joining us at ‘Stark Industries’ today. As you all are well aware, so many rumours have been floating around on what this occasion is all about, so here I am about to put this all to rest. Firstly,” he raised a glass of champagne in Pepper’s direction, “I want to thank my beautiful wife for tolerating me throughout these years and dealing with my shit.”    “Language!” Steve hollered, eliciting laughter from everyone in the crowd.    “Watch it, Rogers!” Tony smirked in his direction. “But tonight is more than me or Mrs Stark. Tonight is a celebration of ‘Stark Industries as a whole. None of this would be possible without each and every engineer, secretary, assistant, press rep and so on and so forth. Tonight we celebrate growth and expansion.”    Murmurs could be heard from everyone around and Y/N’s hand grabbed her champagne a bit tighter.    “I know all of you are excited and as much as I love the suspense I will cut right to the chase- it is my great pleasure to announce that ‘Stark Industries’ shall be opening up a branch not only in LA, to help out with our Latin American production, but for the first time ever we shall be opening a branch in Europe.”    Cheers of appraisal exploded, but Y/N could hear nothing as Tony continued on and said those last words she’d been dreading for more than two months.    “And the Spain extension shall be run by none other than the one person who probably knows about this business more than me or Pepper- my incredible secretary, now assistant director of ‘Stark Industries International’- Y/N Y/L/N.”

   Bucky’s eyes studied Y/N's face. They were roaming over her like she was a stranger in a friend’s body. “When were you going to tell me?”    Her eyes looked down at the floor in shame. “A day before I left.”    “What?” Bucky whispered out. “Why?”    “Because I know you, Buck,” Y/N exasperated, “I know you’d try to convince me to stay.”    “Of course, I would! How can I not, when only recently I got my best friend back! When I got my shit together by finally realising how in love with you I am!”    “Don’t” Y/N backed away, “don’t say that.”    “Say what? That I love you? That I know you feel the same?”    His large palms cupped her cheeks, but Y/N turned her head to the side.    “Because I know you do. And now I know that you didn’t reject me because you didn’t. Y/N, I don’t care that we now have only a month. I want to spend as much time together as possible, to show you how much I truly care in the time that we have here. And long distance doesn’t mean a thing, I know we can manage-“    “Buck-“    “I’ll fly out every week if I have to-“    “Bucky-“    “You’ll come to visit-“    “Bucky-“ her voice became more instant.    “We’ll work it out. I’m not ready to los-“    “Bucky!”    His chest was panting like he had just run a marathon, warm palms still resting on her cheeks, foreheads pressed together.    “I can’t do that,” she whispered, tears pricking at the corners of her eyes.    “Of course, you can.”    “No,” she shook her head. “I said no all those times because I’m not about to start something I can’t finish, I’m not about to string you along on a ride that will abruptly end when I step on that plane. You say we can do long distance, but I can’t. College was hard enough without having you around. And we were just friends then. I’m not gonna be able to do it if we’re involved. If we’re more than that. And I won’t be the reason you start hating me.”    “I could NEVER,” he emphasised the word, “hate you.”    “But you would.” She looked him dead in the eyes, “you’d start to despise me, hate that I’m not around. The time zones wouldn’t help either and then, in the end, you’d look for comfort in someone else’s arms.”    “Please don’t say that,” he was teary-eyed at this point mirroring Y/N’s own expression. “What if- fine- okay... you don’t wanna do long distance. Then I’ll wait. Until you come back. Or better yet,” it was like a Christmas tree lit up in his mind, “I’ll go with you.”    “No,” Y/N backed away, horrified, “I’m not going to let you throw away your whole life Bucky! Not because of me.”    He grasped her palm in his, a tight and firm hold on her fingers. “And I won’t let you give up on what we could have.

Tags (crossed out means tumblr wouldn’t let me tag you): @impalatobakerstreet @s-c-a-r-e-d-po-t-t-e-r @mrsalh32611 @slender--spirit @janineabad @salty-buchanan @chrisevans1fan @dyanna-corona @chook007 @lost-and-wandering-alone @goalie-love @nerdgirljen @jediviolet @fandomly-writings @thunderous-flower @who-cares-rn @lumelgy @projectxhappiness @callmebucky-doll @palaiasaurus64 @coal000 @killuaenthusiast @courtneychicken @sophiealiice @raquelbc2003 @watch-out-for-thorns @potentially-kinetic @thatonegirljessy99 @proxinge @bbkenna @buckysclub @ulired @fangirlofeverythingbasically @supernaturalbaesduh @breezy1415 @pizzarollpatrol @crazy--me @thatawkwardlittlefangirl

A/N: so I have received a few messages about wanting a part 2 to Never The Friend. What do you guys think? Should I write it? Actually, I’m sorta in the middle of writing it, but I don’t know if I wanna post it or nah. Let me know if you’d like to read it :))

P.S. if you wanna be tagged or have any requests, drop a message, please :)

P.S.S. feedback is always appreciated 

P.S.S.S. please don’t repost without credit :)

[jiminandlemonade-blog]

Penpals / Don’t Leave Me - Part 15 (Finale)

Jimin:  

Series: Fluff/minor angst  

PART 15/15 - FINALE

New to the series? Part 1

Missed the last chapter? Part 14

There was a mixture of silence and shock as he clung to you. "Y-Y/N?" Jinhyun spluttered, grabbing your shoulders and pushing you back slightly to get a view of your face. You nodded, words troubling to escape you. "Why are you here?" He asked, rather confused that you turned up on his doorstep.  

"Jihyun, who is it?" You heard a Korean lady speak from inside the apartment. "Come in, come in" Jihyun said, ushering you in. You were still stood there shaking, not really believing what was going on. You shook your head, refusing to move. "I'm sorry Y/N, but you can't just show up my door and not tell my Mother that you have been here" he exclaimed quietly, trying not to let his mother here.

You took a deep breath and composed yourself, taking your hair from your tear soaked face and wafting it into the air, letting nature take its course. "Eomma, it's Y/N" Jihyun declared as you walked through the next door into the room she was sitting in. Her eyes started to fill up and she took in every inch of you. "I wish to have met you in different circumstances Y/N" she spoke softly, evidently not wanting to get either of you upset.  

You don't know why the next sentence came out of your mouth, it just happened. "I'm in love with your son" you confessed, then putting your hands to your mouth, not quite believing what you have said. Her expression didn't change at all. "I know you do and I know my son is in love with you too, even if he can't do anything about it".

You gulped hard. "Did he ever say that to you? Jihyun said he never confessed but it was implied. If he's in love with me or was, why did he never say anything?" You hurriedly asked, sitting in the chair next to her. "I know my son Y/N. I have never seen him happier than staying up until 4am to speak to you. He would skip family meals just to speak to you. He rescheduled dance lessons. I don't think he would ever stop loving you. I think he thought he was crazy for being in love with someone he didn't know". You couldn't help but let out a loud laugh. "Yeah, I thought I was crazy too" you agreed.

Jihyun walked in with a cup of tea and a box of tissues for your still tearing eyes. "Y/N, I'm sorry to ask this so bluntly but why are you even here?" He questioned. "Oh well um, you see.. Remember the acting audition I said I was going to? Well I got the part. Ta-da" you said enthusiastically, waving your hands towards the end. "So why are you here?" He asked rather confused. "The part. It's for a Korean drama" you responded.  

Jihyun and his mother both were taking a sip of tea at the same time and couldn't help but splutter at your words. "You got a part.. In a Korean drama?!" Jihyun asked. His mother stared at you bewildered. "Yeah.. You knew I always enjoyed acting right?" "No, no. It's not that. I don’t think I have ever seen a non-Asian in a Korean drama before.. At least none that I have ever seen" Jihyun confessed, his mother agreeing. "Wait, so this isn't normal?" You asked. "Not really, but who likes normal?" Jimin's mother spoke. You couldn't help but smile. You knew she was implying yours and Jimin's online friendship.  

"Another spluttery question but do you think if I told him I loved him, he would have taken the job?" You asked. They both looked at each other and said "no" in unison. "Y/N, Jimin had a lot of savings so that he could come and visit you. He wanted to surprise you one day. But when you both started talking about dreams and aspirations, he knew that he had to follow his so that you would go follow yours. I'm not saying he sacrificed his happiness for you to follow your dreams but I know that he'd much rather prefer to be holding you right now than on a worldwide tour. I think he used his savings to attend the auditions to show you that you could do it. All he wants is for you to be hapy" Jihyun explained. Your insides were screaming but you tried to remain calm. "But I would also rather be with him now than have this job. I'm just scared after all this time, I've lost hum" you silently cried. "Y/N, you never lost him and you never will" his Mother soothed.  

After a quick talk, you had to excuse yourself because of the chauffeur waiting outside. Jimin's mother would not send you on your way without some of her walnut pies and a few more bits to eat. You knew your arm was going to hurt from all of the goods. Before you exited, you turned to face them. "I hope the next time I'm here. I'll see him" you smiled, giving hope to the pair of them. "I really hope so too" his Mother smiled back. "Oh, please don't tell him I'm here" you stated. "What do you mean?" Jihyun asked. "Don't tell him that I have been here. Don't tell him that I'm in Korea. Just don't tell him anything okay?". "But why?" Jihyun asked again, still totally confused. You were just as confused but for some reason, you didn't want him to know. You didn't want to meet on forced terms. You didn't want to meet and him not to love you. You didn't want to contact him and him not want to meet you. You ultimately didn't want your heart broken. His mother nodded. "Come on Jihyun, I'll explain" she said, guiding him away from the door.  

The next few weeks flew by. You became so close to the cast and crew and couldn't believe that the filming was almost over for the first season. Yes it had been stressful and tiring but so worthwhile. You couldn't wait to see people's reactions when it finally aired tonight. One of the cast members were throwing a little viewing party around their house but you really wanted to share this moment with loved ones at home so your parents organised a screening party of their own, which you would Skype into.

You were full of nerves when it came to the title song and you could feel yourself blushing as people didn't know whether to watch your reaction or the screen. As soon as your face appeared on screen there was a loud cheer coming from your phone and you couldn’t even hear your dialogue coming from the TV screen.

The next hour was a complete an utter blur. You couldn't help but cringe at some scenes and then laugh at others. There were times where you knew something emotional was about to happen and couldn't help but stare at everyone's faces at your phone. You couldn't help but smile when people expressed how much they loved the show and how much they were proud of you.  

Jihyun was quick to text you.  

Jihyun: The show is amazing Y/N. I can't wait to see more of it. I never knew you were such a great actress!

Before you could finish the message, another one came through.

Jihyun: Jimin will be so proud of you.  

There were no tears, no crying. Only smiles.  

Y/N: Do you think he will watch it?  

Jihyun: Honestly, no. He doesn't watch much TV and when he does, it's foreign movies or cartoons. I can't imagine Jimin watching a Korean romance dystopian drama can you?

You laughed. You couldn't see him watching it at all.

Y/N: Do you think he would recognise me? If he were to see me on the street or in the show?

Jihyun: You're loving these questions Y/N. In the street, yes. I recognised you straight away. From the show, no. Your hair is so dark for the show and your make up makes you look like a different person It completely changed your face shape.. Your Korean pronunication lessons has lessened your accent too. I don't think he would recognise you.

You didn’t know whether to be happy or sad about that. He could be watching the drama right now and not know who you were.. Just another person trying their hand at acting. You were accomplishing your dream but why didn't you feel accomplished? You knew why. You needed Jimin to know. But you couldn't face the repercussions of trying to contact him.  

The next few weeks were a whirlwind. You were getting recognised everywhere you went and even needed a personal body guard when you went to events. Events! Yes, you were invited to a lot of them. You were also asked to a lot of interviews, especially being the first y/nationality to be in a Korean drama. It was at one interview in particular where you made a drastic mistake.  

"Do you like any K-POP groups?" The interview asked all of the cast who were sat around the table. Each cast member took it in turns to reveal which K-POP groups were their favourite and then it got to you. "I really like them all but I'm really loving NCT right now" you replied. All of the other females in the cast had answered with female girl groups and because you had answered with a male group, you were asked if you had a bias. "I really adore K-POP and have for a while since I studied the language. I really like Ten, I think he is my favourite" you smiled. All of the other cast members couldn't believe what you had just done.

It wasn't until the next day when you realised what you had done. Your name was shipped with Ten's and there were even edited photos of the two of you together. "Oh my god, he doesn't even know who I am and look at this!" You exclaimed to your best friend on set, Eun. Eun knew everything about your life, even about Jimin. She was very good at putting the BTS attention onto her so that you didn't have to answer. Even if you had had a bad experience in Korea, you were glad you were friends with Eun.

"Another one!" You sighed to Eun in your shared apartment together, looking at a photo of you and Ten which was obviously photoshopped. "Daejong (male lead) told me that Ten thought it was hilarious. He's friends with him you know" she admitted. You couldn't help but spit out your water. "And you have only just thought to tell me? Why didn't he tell me?" You laughed, putting your head in your hands. "I think he thought you knew if I'm honest" Eun explained. You couldn't help but like the attention you were getting, but it wasn't the person you were wanting it off.

"He still hasn't realised it's me has he?" You asked Jihyun on the phone that night. "No he hasn't. Well he hasn't said anything to me and I think he would have. He would have been asking why I never told him" he explained. "Oh congratulations by the way!" He chanted. You were so confused. "Am I pregnant or something?" You giggled. "Well I don't know.. What have you been up to? I mean on your nomination!" He said. You were even more confused. The silence on the phone was deafening. "You don't know anything about it do you?" Jihyun asked. Your heart was racing at the idea of a nomination. Within seconds, Eun came bursting in your bedroom and said in unison with Jihyun "Best Actress in a drama series!".

You started shaking and slightly hyperventilating. "This has got to be a joke right?" You spoke into the phone, eyes latched onto Eun's. "No, it's very real" she replied back. "Congratulations!" She squealed. The next few moments were a blur. You got confirmation off management, you rang friends and family and were reading reviews of the nominees for the whole of the award show. You were up against some huge names and were no way going to win it but it was an honour to even be mentioned.

The lead up to the award show flew past faster than the filming of the series did. You were busy non stop doing interviews and signings. When the day of the award show came, you were up bright and early to get ready. "I know I'm not going to win, but this is so exciting!" You exclaimed to all of the cast members who were getting ready at your apartments. Daejong was also up for best male actor but was a few hours late due to filming a pilot on the morning.

As you were getting your hair and make up done, you couldn't realise how far you had come. You had believed in your abilities and here you were. Even if you weren't in Korea for the reason you wanted to be. "He'll be proud" Eun smiled as she watched you stare off into space. "I know" you smiled back. As soon as your hair and make up was done, you jumped out of your seat and walked over to the entrance area where the door opened. "Delivery for Y/N" Daejong smiled with two baskets of flowers. "Who are these from?" You beamed giddily. "Well this one is from me" he stated, popping down a beauty blue assortment of flowers onto the glass table. "Thank you so much, I've got you a gift too but we may aswell drink it after the awards show?" You questioned, shaking a bottle of vodka that cost the same as the dress you were about to wear.  

"And these are from.. Well, Ten sent them but they're from all of the members of NCT". You're inner fangirl was going bazerk but you couldn't let it show. Not in front of everyone. "It's okay Y/N, fangirl all you want.. We all know what you are like. Well maybe not the hair and make up artists" Daejong laughed. You squealed so high pitched that you saw a few cast members cover their ears. "NCT SENT ME FLOWERS GUYS, OH MY GOD" you shouted in your mother tongue. You hadn't even met them, but they were so supportive of you ever since you said you loved their music in an interview. You knew that was the only reason they knew about you. Your fans were very loyal and loving and a lot of them were NCT fans so it was inevitable that they would find out.  

After the giddy moment, you looked at your watch and gasped at the time. "Shit, we need to get ready" you let out, laughing as you watched everyone look at their watches and slamming their champagne flutes down in a panic. You couldn't wait to get into your dress so hurried into your room to get changed.  

Everyone looked amazing when you were sticking your head around the door. You couldn't believe how different all of the cast members looked when they were dolled up. You walked out in your beautiful navy satin dress to match Daejong's suit(dress inspiration - https://www.promgirl.com/shop/dresses/viewitem-PD2216084) and everyone was in awe. "If you don't win the award, you'll most certainly win best dressed!" One of the cast members exclaimed, people nodding in agreement. You couldn't help but blush.

"Everyone listen up" you heard the producer's voice beam from the other end of the room. "To give a run down on what is happening at the event, because our two main characters are up for the main awards, we will be sat front and centre and I will give you the seating plan when we arrive. Lisa and Jisoo from BlackPink will be giving out the male award and Taehyung and Seokjin from BTS will be giving out the female award". You spluttered and everyone turned to look at you. You didn't mean to splutter, but you were in shock. You looked straight at Eun who knew exactly what to do and say. Acting on fangirl, she spoke up "Does that mean BTS will be there?". The producer rolled her eyes. "I'm not 100% sure. All I am sure about is that Taehyung and Seokjin will be there because they are up for an award for their song on Hwarang". You died inside. You were hoping and praying that he wasn't going to be there, you wouldn’t know what you would do if he was.

Pulling up to the awards ceremony, you couldn't believe the amount of people who were out supporting merchandise from the show. Your name was being shouted over and over again and you couldn't believe you had been accepted into the nations arms. You teared up from all of the support but turned on your professional head when it came to yours and Daejong's joint interviews.  

How does it feel to be nominated? Can you believe you are nominated? Can you put it into words? How does it feel to know that artists as big as BlackPink and BTS are giving out these awards? They weren't questions you could dodge, especially when you are asked over and over again. When asked if you were a fan of BTS, you replied "and then some.." Because you really were a huge fan, they just didn't realise why.  

You were glad the interviews were over and were glad to be led to your seat by Daejong. Daejong knew everything about Jimin too, but he didn't like to talk to you about it. He was like your older brother and hated seeing you upset. You were looking around the room, trying to catch a glimpse of people you would recognise. The awards show was such a big deal. You were front and centre on a circle table with other actors and actresses and the idol groups were up on the side of the stage in rows. You looked out for BTS in particular but couldn't see them. It was only when you were gawping trying to eye BTS that you noticed all of NCT looking at you. You wanted there to be a hole in the ground that would swallow you up. Your face must have been a picture. They must have found it very amusing considering 3 of the members sent Daejong a snapchat of them doing your gawping face. You just wanted to die.

As the night was drawing on, your hands were hurting from clapping and you had one too many glasses of champagne that expected, but you were enjoying the evening. The camera always panned over to you as you sang along to Korean songs and trying to imitate the dance moves. You really weren't a dancer. You should just stick to acting.

The whole room suddenly went dark when Lisa and Jisoo from BlackPink appeared. "Daejong, it's your turn!" You squealed, placing your hand on his lap and squeezing in anticipation. "And here are the nominees" Lisa from BlackPink read out. You were watching all of the amazing actors who were nominated but you knew that Daejong was deserving of the award. He played an amazing part and you couldn't fault him at all. "And the winner is.." Jisoo read out from the teleprompter. "DAEJONG!" They both said in unison. There was an uproar coming from your table and all of the cast couldn't help but let out a few tears and hug him before he collected his award. You got so excited that you spilt a glass of champagne, thankfully missing your silk dress.  

Your breathing got faster as you watched the man you acted alongside with going to collect his award. You all breathed a sigh of relief knowing he had won. It was also a special occasion because it was the first award that the series had won.  

"So um.. I don't really know where to begin. I didn't prepare a speech because I didn't think I would win this. I guess I will just have to wing it. Thank you all so much for supporting this series. All of the fans will love to know that season 2 filming will commence next month and will be out at the end of the year. If you support that season as much as you have this one, I hope we can carry on for as long as possible. I wouldn't want to carry on if it wasn't for the amazing cast and crew. They have been amazing and possibly the best I have ever worked with. I want to talk about you all individually but I'm worried I wont have the time but I really want to thank Y/K/N. Not only has she came over from another country to film this series, she's fit in so well. She's an asset to the team and I wouldn't want to do this with anyone else. She is like my little sister and I don't think I will ever be able to share how much this wonderful human being means to me and everyone else on the team. I know this is my award but I really do not think I could have done this without her. She has a talent like no other and I wish her so much luck for the best actress award. Thank you so much for the award. Fighting!" Daejong rhymed off.

You were a blubbering mess. It wasn't like Daejong to be like this. He really was like your older brother. Yes, he listened to you. But he was never soft with you, just protective. You loved seeing this side of him but had to hide yourself from the cameras as you were crying hysterically, even calling for a make up touch up.  

"And now onto the next award" you heard a voice bellow. Even if I die, it's you started to play only meaning one thing. It was Taehyung and Seokjin and time for your award. You couldn't help in that moment feel a sense of jealousy that when you lost Jimin, they were the ones to gain him. You looked at them no longer as BTS but Jimin's friends and you suddenly felt comfortable. Not like a fangirl anymore.  

"4 hours ago, we were told what award we would be hosting. We cannot believe the sheer amount of talent that is in this category and we believe you are all winners." Taehyung read off the teleprompter. "Celebrated amongst these women are different religions, ethnicities, languages, sexuality and ages. We are proud to celebrate the diverse culture tonight. And now for your nominees" Jin rhymed off.  

Daejong arrived back at the table just as nominees reels were being played and you both stood up to greet each other and held one another for a long time. Over his shoulder, you couldn't help but stare back at the woman who was staring at you. You had no idea who she was, but her eyes didn't come off of you, as if she was trying to suss you out. As your reel started to play, you sat down and Daejong put his hand on your lap and squeezed it just like you had done to him. Eun also did it on your other leg.  

*Another part of the arena*

"We've got a problem Bang PD" a woman stated. "Remember that girl who confessed her love to Jimin and we never told him about it? Well, she's here. That's her" she explained, pointing to your reel. Bang PD looked so confused. "You haven't told him? After all of these years?" He asked the lady, who turns out was in charge of their emotional welfare. "No, I didn't think I could?" She stated. Bang PD looked terrifed. He didn't want Jimin to think there was some sort of conspiracy. All he wanted was for Jimin to not focus on girls whilst they were trainees. Bang PD had no idea that Jimin wasn't informed after debuting. "We need to go and find him, fast" he prompted, rushing away.

*Back to you*

"And the winner is... Y/K/N" Taehyung chanted. The room around your suddenly went dark and you felt as though you were the only one in the room. You couldn't work out whether you were dying, fainting, had one to many champagnes or were just shell shocked. It was the last one, but you still felt as though you were dying. "Y/K/N, Y/KN" Eun was chanting, trying to wake you from your shocked state. "I won?" You gasped, looking around the table. The whole arena was on their feet with applause. Not only were you the first person of your nationality to be in a Korean drama, but the first to ever win an award, let alone the first award they were nominated for.

The walk to the podium felt like you were walking on cloud 9. You could feel all of your acting insecurities going away. You could feel how proud your loved ones would be of you. You felt immense pleasure knowing that Jimin will one day know that you achieved your dream. You couldn't help but smile from ear to ear.  

Your eyes set on Seokjin and you immediately turned into a jittering mess. You bowed to show respect and couldn't help but keep your eyes locked on the boys as they handed you the award and walked to the side. You were gawping at them for what felt like 10 minutes. With a shake of your head, you suddenly realised where you were, standing in front of a nation, your loved ones and a crowd of 30,000 people, accepting an acting award.

"Like Daejong, I also didn't prepare a speech.." You scuffled around, playing with your dress. "I don't really know where to begin. I don't know whether a lot of people know about me. I don't really know anything at the moment. To the fans, you are amazing. I will only be repeating Daejong by saying to look out for the next season but I promise it will be a brilliant one. Thank you so much for the support and I hope I will make you proud. Daejong, my older brother, thank you for being my best friend when I needed somebody to vent or cry too. Thank you for teaching me how to use chop sticks and pick the crab out of my meals. Thank you for being the perfect companion to work with and I can't wait to continue our journey together in the future. Eun, for being my rock. You really have been my number one support. You help me dodge a lot of bullets but also keep me grounded. Thank you for being the one who comforts me when I'm down, holds my hair back when I have had one too many champagnes.. Which I think you may have to do tonight, or tucks me into bed when I've fallen asleep on top of the duvet after a busy day. Um, I would like to thank the other cast and crew members who have been so supportive of me and correcting me if I was ever wrong. I don't know whether anyone knows, but this was actually my first acting job. Back where I am from, I was always beat out by that one person who had one quirk that I didn't have. I felt very defeated. I actually gave up acting for a while, but it wasn't until a... um, a friend of mine told me to change paths. But this time, my quirk was being able to speak Korean. A language I fell in love with." You rhymed off. "I think the champagne might be helping with my speech" you giggled slightly. You then had an overwhelming urge to talk more, as if you needed to get something off your chest but you didn't expect what came out of your mouth to come out.

"I fell in love with Korean because I once had a penpal. I say once, he isn't my penpal anymore. I remember the day I picked a name out of a hat in Geography. I really didn't want to do it. I had no interest in having a penpal. I felt so misunderstood and judged at school that I wondered how on Earth a stranger was going to perceive me, but actually, it changed my life. I ended up talking to this person a lot, every day in fact. I fell in love with so many aspects of Korea. I'm really thankful. I know I should be thanking my family and friends right now which you all already know, I love and thank you all so much but I think even you all probably expect this. You have seen what I have went through. I actually was very torn with what I wanted my future to look like. I always wanted to give acting a go but never thought I was good enough so I studied languages. My penpal told me that I was crazy for not going after my dreams. To cut a long story short, I decided to study Korean at university and this opportunity came up. But it's not just me that's went after my dreams is it? I think my penpal is here right now. It's one of you out there, I think. You may not recognise me. I look different with darker hair, a paler face and my Korean is stronger, but it's me. You know that it's me don't you? If you're not here, I look like a fool but I think you are or it could be the champagne clouding my imagination." You spoke all of that in Korean until it came to your final sentence where your mother tongue and accent suddenly sprouted out. "You pursued your dreams. You told me to pursue my dreams so I did. Thank you.. Everyone.. For everything"

*Jimin's P.O.V*

"I don't want to miss this!" He mouthed, looking over to Bang PD who was waving for him to go down. "I don't want to miss Seokjin blowing a kiss to the camera" he laughed to Hoseok. "Can you go down?" He asked. Hoseok agreed and walked down the steps. Jimin could see Bang PD turn away out of frustration, not wanting Hoseok but him but he didn't care. He really wanted to see Seokjin fail. If it were important, he would have come up right? He was probably trying to play a trick on him again like he had at the past 2 award shows where Bang PD had asked him to come downstairs and then laughed for making Jimin move.

Your reel came on but he was looking in the opposite direction. Eun noticed after she clocked him, then squeezing your thigh. You were announced as the winner and Jimin stood up, not really paying attention to his screen but rather his phone as his brother had text him.

Jihyun: I know you're not expecting an award but expect something better than an award.

Was he the one who liked cryptic messages now? It seemed like it. Jimin's face was twisting as he was trying to work out the text. He completely missed Seokjin's kiss to the camera behind your back and most of your speech. "Because I once had a penpal" made his ears prick. His heart suddenly hit the floor and he couldn't help but think of you, like he always did. It had been so long since you spoke, he knew you picked out his name in class, but couldn't remember the lesson. You mentioned the words misunderstood and being judged and his face was screwing up even more, as if his beloved penpal was infront of him.. If only he knew.  

"I always wanted to give acting a go but never thought I was good enough so I studied languages" he heard you speak. It was at this point he was trying to focus on every aspect of you, but he was being put off by Hoseok's hysterical waving in the background. Hoseok realised what was going on after being informed off Bang PD, so came up to inform Jimin. Hoseok knew of you because of Jimin's stories, but even this felt so surreal.  

"My penpal told me that I was crazy for not going after my dreams" you said. "Why does this sound like me?" He laughed, turning around to face Yoongi. Yoongi looked at him with a dead blank stare, realising what was going on a lot quicker than Jimin did who was still yet to fully comprehend the situation.  

"I think my penpal is here right now. It's one of you out there, I think. You may not recognise me. I look different with darker hair, a paler face and my Korean is stronger, but it's me." Jimin looked at every inch of you, took in every bit of you. He only ever saw you on a computer screen but he focused on your Korean too. He seemed like he knew, but he didn't want to believe it. His head tilting to one side, breathing getting a lot deeper.  

"You know that it's me don't you?" You questioned, looking out at the crowd. Jimin's heart practically fell out of his chest. "Oh my god" he let out, so loud that the members of GOT7 turned around to look at him, realising he was the one you were on about. "That's my Y/N" he exhaled, tears coming to the front of his eyes, not believing you were here. Not only could he not believe you were here, but he couldn't believe that you were carrying out your dreams and winning awards for it.  

You then spoke in your mother tongue. "You pursued your dreams. You told me to pursue my dreams so I did." "Hoseok, that's her" he mouthed as Hoseok approached. "I know Jimin, I know" he said, rubbing his back and supporting him as he stood up. "It's Y/N.." He kept saying as he was walking down the stairs, eyes locked on you as you intently stared at your award, blinking back tears.  

"W-what is it?" Jimin asked Bang PD, still with his eyes on you. "We need to talk." He sternly said. This didn't get Jimin's attention. "It's about Y/N" Bang PD stated. That got Jimin's attention. "Explain later, I need.. I need to do something" Jimin declared, running off into the direction of the sound booth.

*Your P.O.V*

You were overjoyed. You couldn't believe the stuff that had come out of your mouth but you felt relief, glad that everything was out in the open. You were thrilled with the award and everyone congregated around you to cheer you on. You and Daejong posed for photos with your awards and even the camera crew came over to you to film a close up of your red and blotchy face but you didn't care. Your phone buzzed and the brightness hurt your face. You had turned off your wifi so your parents wouldn't have contacted you via that method because it was so expensive and the only people who it oculd have been other than Jihyun were with you, so the process of elimination made you realise who it was.

Jihyun: You may have won the award, but I think you'll be a lot more excited soon

What was he implying? You had no idea.  

*Bebe Rexha – I Just Wanna Dance With Somebody* started playing. This was one of your favourite songs and everyone knew it. It was a bittersweet moment though as you always used to sing it to Jimin in a really odd accent. But you couldn't let those emotions get the better of you as your drunken inhabitations started to take over your body and the moves started to flow.. Even if they were terrible.

"Y/N... Y/N" Eun shook you as you were dancing as if you were in a psychedelic mindset. "What?" You bluntly replied, slightly annoyed she broke your cool dancing. You were annoyed in a funny way. She understood. "Um, turn around".

That's the moment you felt your insides tense. Everything in you went to mush. The whole room went to darkness once again but instead of just you being there, Jimin was there too.

"So it is you" he spoke, gesturing to the song. "Yeah.. It's me" you smiled. You wanted to run into his arms. You wanted to kiss him. You wanted to tell him how madly in love with him you were but it wasn't the time or place. "People are realising Y/N.. Get backstage" Daejong announced, pushing you towards the corridor that led backstage as Jimin followed 2 minutes later.

You entered the room first and felt nervous. More nervous than ever before. The love you felt for him was exactly the same as before. You weren't disappointed. Like you ever could be. He was perfect. You didn't want this. You didn't want this to happen at all. He wasn't in love with you. How could he be in your life other than being your one and only? You couldn't picture it.

All of these thoughts were whizzing around your head and then he suddenly waltzed into the room. "Y/N I-" he paused. His head hit the floor. "Jimin, I understand. I know. I know everything" you explained. "How long have you been here?" He asked. "About 6 months" you answered. "Why didn't you tell me?" He asked again, looking sadder than ever before. "Why would that have made a difference? I didn't even know how to contact you. Honestly, I didn't want you to know. I was worried that-" you stopped. "That what?" He questioned.

It was now or never. Were you going to tell him? Did you even have the guts. "Jimin, you left me. I told you not to but you did. Why couldn't you contact me? Why?" You cried. You both cried. You both had no idea the feelings each other had, but for some reason, you both couldn't admit it either.  

You were still stood at opposing end of the rooms but your phones buzzed in unison.

Jihyun: Tell him you love him.

*Jimin's P.O.V*

Jihyun: Tell her you love her.

*Your P.O.V*  

"I asked you not to leave me" you cried again, breaking the silence from looking at the text messages. "I never left you. I was always with you, like you were always with me. If I was in your heart, I never left" he responded, walking over to you and taking your hand. This was the first time you touched and it felt wonderful, but this wasn't how you expected your first meeting to go. You thought you would fly into his arms after admitting you both loved each other. You were getting upset.

"Jimin, I told you I loved you and you read it but didn't reply back to me then ignored me for years!" You protested sharply. You tried not to raise your voice. You weren't angry anymore, just disappointed. He looked at you bewildered. "Y/N.. I didn't know" he hesitated. You looked at him. "How did you not know? I voicemailed you the day you went to Seoul" you confessed. Jimin looked straight passed you at Bang PD and the woman who stared at you before, locking gaze and mentally communicating. "Oh my god" he let out. "Is this why you wanted to talk?" He said, walking over to them. "I swear we can explain" the woman apologised.  

He stood there, waiting for them to continue without saying a word. "When you came to Seoul, you know we had to take the phones off you.. Well there was a voice note from this young lady confessing her love to you. As you were trainees, I had to send this information to Bang PD and because of you not debuting yet, he didn't want you to be involved with girls.. Any of you involved in girls." She explained but was interrupted. Bang PD continued "I thought she would end up telling you when you debuted as I only specified not telling you as trainees. You know I'm not involved in that sort of stuff neither do I talk about it. I'm sorry Jimin. I'm sorry Y/N. It's just a break down in communication" he explained whole-heartedly.

Jimin didn't even reply. He grabbed the door and slowly shut it, hoping they would get the message, locking it behind him. "You love me? Wait, you loved me or still do?" He asked, walking over to you again, this time, guiding you towards the sole couch that was in the room. You gulped. You knew the answer, but you didn't want to tell him.

"You don't love me so what does it matter?" You questioned. He looked at you as if you had two heads and then laughed. "Y/N, you think I don't love you? Are you crazy?" He asked. "As a friend.." You responded. "Didn't you get my letter? Oh Y/N.. You were so good at cryptic puzzles back then" he sighed, slightly laughing. "Letter.. What letter?" You asked, looking at him now as if he had 2 heads. "When I left, I sent you a letter explaining for you to wait for me. If you took all of the capital letters from that letter it said I love you, please wait for me" he explained. "I read that letter so many times and nev—wait, you love me?" You questioned. It seemed as though so many questions were occurring in so little time that you were getting yourself all confused.  

"Of course I do Y/N, I have always loved you. I thought you didn't love me so I didn't call" he sighed. "Oh Jimin" you sighed, realised it was all a break down in communication. "Look" he said, pulling out bits of paper from a backpack that was in the room, evidently his dressing room. He handed you the pieces of paper. They were your letters. "You carry these with you?" "Always".

Then after your letters you saw a piece of paper with all of your details on. Skype. Email. Home telphone. Mobile number. Everything you can imagine. "I had to change all of my accounts so I carried these with me if I ever had the courage to call. I didn't want to ruin your life by loving you and you not loving me back. I wanted you to be happy and pursue your dreams" he confessed. "Love" you said. "Love?" He asked, staring. "You asked me if I love or loved. I'm saying love" you smiled.  

This wasn't BTS Jimin you were talking to, this was your penpal. The boy you were always in love with. "You look beautiful" he smiled after gazing at you a while. "you even look better than on the computer screen which I never though possible" he laughed.  

Jimin stood up and went to walk out of the room. "Where are you going?" You asked, not wanting him to leave you again. "Just.. Trust me" he winked. Moments later, he walked through the door and gasped. "Y/N, what a surprise!" He laughed, trying to act. What the hell was he doing? He looked at you with encouragement. Oh, he wanted to relive the moment of meeting. The one you had always talked about.  

You couldn't do it. You appreciated the effort a lot, but it just wouldn't work like that anymore. "Jimin I-" you stumbled. "What is it?" He asked concerned, walking over to you and taking you hand. Your words couldn't form.

"I love you" he spoke, lifting your chin and making your gaze meet his. "I always have". You couldn't believe the words coming from his mouth. It was like a dream. "I love you too" you cried, burying your head into his chest.  

"I'm so proud of you" he confessed, kissing the top of your head and bringing you in for a tighter squeeze. "You have no idea how proud I am of you.. I'm ARMY by the way" you laughed through emotions. He couldn't help but laugh too. "You pursued your dreams" you continued. "Not really.." He replied, pulling you away from him.  

You didn't know what he was getting at. "I am so proud of you for pursing your dreams Y/N.. That makes me the happiest. But I haven't pursued my dreams yet, but I'm about to" he stated. "What do you mean? Did you not learn your lesson from the last cryptic message you told me?" You laughed off, even though the pain of not working out his message crippled your head.

"I can now pursue my dream because it’s you. It’s always been you. The penpal that I have always been in love with.. You wont leave me will you?” He asked. "I will never leave you... but I'm your dream?" You stuttered in shock, even though you saw it coming from the way the conversation was going. "You always have been and always will be" he smiled. "So.. when will I get the kiss I have craved for 5 years?" He asked, slightly puckering his lips.

"Now"

MASTERLIST

[soldierstark]

The Art of Resistance | TOM HIDDLESTON X READER

Description: Tom has mastered the art of resistance. In other words, the story about the three time he wanted to kiss the reader but didn't and the time he finally did.

Author's Note: If anyone of ya'll know where the dialogue from the first scene came from I <3 you! This is my first attempt at a 3 + 1 fic and I enjoyed writing so let me know if you'd like more :) As always, let me know what you think.

Word Count: 2146

FANFICTION MASTERLIST

The first time Tom wanted to kiss (Y/N) was when they decided to rehearse lines together.

It was late enough that the sun was barely peaking over the horizon while they had had enough time to down a few glasses of wine. Not enough to get them drunk, but enough that it wouldn’t be a good idea to drive anywhere.

They were scheduled to film a scene the next day that would be the turning point in their characters relationship. Throughout the movie, (Y/N)’s character was put in charge of keeping a close eye on Loki, causing them to inevitably fall in love though neither would admit it.

Loki however, didn’t know that (Y/N)’s character had begun to spend time with him because she was told too. When he finds this out, he begins to question the whole foundation of their relationship leading to a huge fight.

Tom really wanted to nail the scene so when (Y/N) came up to him between takes and asked if he’d like to practice, he agreed.

And that’s how they ended up in a screaming match, though it was all fake, (Y/N)’s temporary neighbors didn’t know that.

“Because I love you, Loki,” (Y/N) burst out pleadingly, trying to get the god of mischief to stay.

Tom rolled his eyes and let out indignant scoff, stepping forward towards (Y/N) slightly. “Are kidding me? You’re actually bringing this up now?” he asked in frustration with disbelief. “After you told me that you just betrayed me?”

(Y/N) walked closer to Tom shaking her head desperately. “If you would just listen to me-“

“Listen to you?” Tom interrupted sarcastically, throwing his hands up in frustration. “Why should I listen to you? How am I even supposed to trust anything that you say right now?”

“Because of everything we’ve been through together!” (Y/N) said raising her voice, starting to get frustrated as well. “For 2 years I’ve been right here. 2 years Loki. Most of that time was spent just waiting for you to open your eyes and see that I’m more than just some mortal girl.”

(Y/N) took another look at Tom who didn’t say anything in return, as instructed in the script. She began to pace the living room carpet, going into to more of a rant. “Every morning  I- I bring you a cup of coffee just so that I can see a smile on your face because I think you are the most remarkable-“

She stopped pacing and turned towards Tom with a look of very mixed emotion. “Maddening,” (Y/N) continued, taking another step forward. “Challenging.” Another step. “Frustrating person, well god, I have ever met,” she finished, stopping about 3 feet away from Tom.

“And I love you, Loki,” she repeated, looking up at Tom with slightly watery eyes. “And if that means anything to you, if you care about me at all, please just stay. Please believe me.”

They were so close that Tom could see every fleck of color that adorned (Y/N)’s (Y/E/C) eyes.  Her full, rosy pink lips were parted slightly as (Y/N) took in breathes. A piece of her (Y/H/C) hair fell into her face and for some odd reason, Tom felt the urge to push it behind her ear.

How had he not noticed how beautiful she was before?

The second time Tom wanted to kiss (Y/N) was at an Avengers cast and crew Christmas party.

“Alright this gift is for…” Mark trailed off, reading the tag on the gift he pulled out from under the fake Christmas tree. “Reindeer Games from your Secret Santa.”

A laugh erupted around the room as Taika threw the box over to Tom who began to unwrap it immediately out of curiosity. “It’s a….. box of organic earl grey tea,” Tom announced, examining the gift for clues as to who gave it to him.

“Why thank you to whomever this came from,” Tom added, making sure to emphasize his British accent. This only led to more laughter.

After all the gifts had been handed out, the cast and crew members began to disperse, going their separate ways. Tom stood up out of his seat and walked through the doorway that lead into the kitchen until a hand grabbed his wrist, halting the movement.

He turned around only to see (Y/N) smiling up at him, leaning against the door frame casually. She was wearing a black sweater with snowflakes, jeans, and a headband that had lit up Christmas lights.  

“How’d you like your gift,” she asked with a mischievous smile, wiggling her eyebrows slightly.

Tom let out a deep chuckle as the realization of who his Secret Santa was dawned on him. “It was perfect,” he replied honestly, looking down at the box in his hand. “Thank you.”

“Oh don’t thank me yet Hiddleston,” (Y/N) said, crossing her arms over her chest. “That box is part of a subscription service so from now on you’ll be sent some very fancy tea every 2 weeks.”

“You really didn’t have to do that (Y/N),” Tom stated, shaking his head back and forth gently. “Honestly.”

(Y/N) giggled and stood up straight off the wall, turning so that she and Tom were facing each other directly. “Oh but I did. If I had a dime for every time you complained about how bad the craft services table tea was, I’d be so rich I’d never need to act again. So yes this gift was needed for you and for me because I was getting close to duct taping your mouth shut.”

Suddenly, a high pitched wolf whistle echoed through the air causing everyone to turn their attention to Chris Evans who was pointing at Tom and (Y/N). “Look who’s standing under mistletoe,” he drawled out excitedly.

Tom’s gaze shifted upwards and sure enough, hanging from the doorway, a tuft of green sprouted from a piece of string.

He looked down at (Y/N) with a questioning glance just as she looked up at him. Her cheeks were tinged pink as she chewed her bottom lip nervously, drawing his attention directly towards it.

(Y/N) let out a slight laugh before nodded her head slowly. “Alright Hiddleston, lay it on me,” she said, taking a step closer to him.

Tom raised an eyebrow in surprise. “Really?” he asked, trying to calm his beating heart which was hammering against his ribcage like machine gun.  “You’re sure?”

“Yes,” she replied, rolling her eyes in a joking manner.

Now, Tom couldn’t explain why he was suddenly filled with excitement. And it only seemed to increase as (Y/N) put a hand on his shoulder and began to lean up towards him. Her eyes fluttering shut as her lips parted in anticipation.

Tom began lowering his head and put a hand on her waist. Their faces were so close that Tom could feel (Y/N)’s breath fan against his face.

And right at their lips were about to meet, a voice yelled from the kitchen, “You guys look! I found a beer bong,” causing them to spring apart quickly.

The third time Tom wanted to kiss (Y/N) was at 11:57 pm on December 31st.

It might’ve been all the alcohol he was consuming, or maybe the fact that she looked down right irresistible in the skin tight black dress she was wearing. But when everyone in the room started pairing up for their midnight kisses, Tom’s mind went straight to the (Y/H/C) hair (Y/E/C) eyed beauty.

She was over by the refreshments table talking to Jeremy about something she clearly cared about as she was using hand gestures vehemently. Tom strolled over to her trying to seem nonchalant but he was feeling anything but.

Jeremy let out a low whistle at the sight. “Dam Hiddleston, how much have you had to drink?”

(Y/N) turned around to face him and smiled brightly. She threw her head back with laughter, her hair bouncing with the movement.

Tom cleared his throat and let out a hiccup. “Like 3 I swear.”

Jeremy nodded his head slowly. “Uh huh,” he muttered sarcastically. “Sure dude,” he chortled before walking off.

Tom attempted to lean against the refreshment table casually before turning his attention back to (Y/N). “So, you have anyone to kiss at midnight yet?”

(Y/N) raised an eyebrow in amusement and took a sip from her punch. “No. Why?”

“No way me too!” he exclaimed, his words slurring together. “Hey! How about we kiss?”

“Wow,” (Y/N) giggled. “Drunk Tom is very bold.”

“So is that a yes?” he asked, ignoring her earlier statement.

(Y/N) put down her cup and patted him on the back. “Maybe when you’ve had less to drink Hiddleston. Then we’ll see.”

Tom finally kissed (Y/N) the day her stunt double stayed home sick and she almost died.

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Tom mumbled as he walked onto set.

His gaze fell upon (Y/N) who was standing on very high ledge that was supposed to be the top of the Avengers Tower. She was strapped into a harness and talking to a man he recognized as the stunt director.

“What the hell is she doing up there?” he asked walking up to Chris, not once taking his eyes off of her.

Chris looked over at Tom for a split second and followed his gaze. “Oh (Y/N)? Yea, her stunt double is out sick today so she decided to do the scene herself.”

“Well why doesn’t she just wait until she comes back?” Tom asked confused.

“We’ve rescheduled the shooting of this scene for weeks now and (Y/N) wanted to get it over with I guess,” Chris replied shrugging his shoulders. He took note of the worried expression that overtook Tom’s face as the director yelled action.

“Hey,” Chris whispered patting him on the back. “She’ll be fine. Stunts like this are done all the time.”

Tom couldn’t tear his gaze away from (Y/N) who was walking backwards towards the ledge. Backing away from a monster that would edited in later. “Still,” he muttered under his breath.

She backed up until one foot slid off like the script instructed and wobbled slightly before regaining her balance. Her (Y/H/C) hair blew behind her as a fan was directed towards her, making it seem as though it was very windy.

With one last look of fear at the invisible monster and the hard pavement that once edited would be hundreds of feet below her, (Y/N) stepped off the ledge and began to free fall three stories.

Everything seemed to go in slow motion.

It started off according to plan but after a split second of falling, a loud snap along with a screech from (Y/N) echoed throughout the sound stage.

Tom sucked in a breath as everyone around him let out a gasp at the sight. The harness was still on (Y/N) but the rope attached to it had snapped, making it useless.

For a moment, Tom swore his heart stopped as (Y/N) hit the mat with very loud thud. He along with a few other crew member, rushed over to her side as quickly as possible.

He slid down onto the floor by her side and looked over her frantically. “Oh my god (Y/N) are you okay?”

She sat up taking in a deep breath and rubbed her head, blinking widely. “Yea I think so,” she mumbled looking him in the eye. “I’m fine but this mat sucks ya’ll should really replace it.”

The cast and crew members gathered around her all let out a sigh of relief and laughed at the joke she cracked. “But don’t put this on the blooper reel please,” she continued. “My parents will flip shit if they saw this.”

Tom sighed in relief, the fear in his chest disappearing at the sight of her smiling. “Oh thank god,” he mumbled, running a hand through his hair. “For a second there I thought…”

(Y/N) put a hand on his shoulder and gave him a reassuring smile. “I’m fine Tom, really. It’ll take a lot more than a 3 story fall to take me out.”

It might’ve been the adrenaline running through his veins or the fact that Tom finally realized he needed to act on his feelings before it was too late. But in that moment, he couldn’t resist (Y/N) any longer.

Tom reached a hand behind (Y/N)’s neck and pulled her lips down to his, trying to convey every emotion he was feeling into the kiss.

She tensed up slightly but responded almost immediately, wrapping an arm around his neck to pull Tom closer. He smiled into the kiss as the people surrounding them let out whistles and clapped.

The kiss was short and sweet, but it was amazing none the less. Though the circumstances were less than ideal, the person he shared it with was perfect.

Tom couldn’t imagine his first kiss with (Y/N) going any other way.

[secretradiobrooklyn]

The Singing Senator Edition | 5.22.21

Secret Radio | 5.22.21 | Hear it here.

1. Dara Puspita - “Bertamasja”

Dara Puspita was an Indonesian band, active right from the start of rock n roll — like, they jumped into it in 1964. I love how it sounds like gnarly garage rock until the lead guitar tone pulls out and reveals a super VU sound. With a surf structure! It’s just about a perfect nugget of song. 

2. Yol Aularong - “Sou Slarp Kroam Kombut Srey (Rather Die Under a Woman’s Sword)”

Yol Aularong has the wildest voice, and total commitment to rock’s magic transformative power, even in a context where he was risking his life. He does things that would make Screamin’ Jay lean back and appreciate. The arrangements and his delivery just o’erbrim with life and character. 

3. The Psychedelic Aliens - “We’re Laughing”

This band is like Atomic Forest in that they’re just the answer to any collector’s wildest dreams of rarity: they’re a Ghanaian band who released exactly 8 songs and were big in the Accra scene. The groove of this song, especially in headphones, is just mesmerizing, and his delivery gets gradually more and more abstract. It sounds like Marijata and what I wish WITCH sounded more like. Undeniable.

- Glenn Miller Orchestra - “Sunrise Serenade”

4. Prewar Yardsale - “Turn On (Live Peel Session)”

We got into Prewar Yardsale through Jeffrey. Because we got into this band that he introduced us to, he said he had some rarities and other tracks. That he sent our way, and this is from that.  

5. Chai - “In Pink (feat. MNDSGN)”

I think first it was the New York Times, then the Guardian, then the New Yorker all writing about this band essentially in the same week — and we definitely had no idea what they sound like. This song had just debuted on YouTube 18 hours earlier. I think, especially now through repeated listens, it’s a rad track. I love the way MNDSGN winds his vocals into the song, then has his passage, then smoothly winds his way out again. It’s like meeting a really interesting person at an already cool party.

6. Waipod Phetsuphan - “Ding Ding Dong”

Siamese music — Thai music. The guitar part is so primal and the drums so bright in the fills and meanwhile it sounds like he’s casting a spell. And what a refrain.

7. Jacques Dutronc - “J’ai me un tigre dans ma guitare”

One of the greats — I have loved every song of his I’ve ever heard. This song really makes me appreciate his band, especially his drummer. 

8. Orchestra Baobab - “Kelen Ati Leen”

When we started WBFFing, it was partly because we were being blown away by the indisputable proof of James Brown’s influence on, and interaction with, the entire world. I don’t think I realized JB was a lot bigger than the Beatles in huge swaths of the world. This track is fundamentally expressing a JB groove and doing their own entire thing at the same time. The lead vocals’ flavor is just off the charts and the band is SO tight. 

9. Pierre Vassilou - “Qui c’est celui-là?”

What IS this song? It’s in French but it sounds like Brazil — I guess really it sounds like Os Mutantes. 

10. Betti-Betti w T.P. Orchestre Poly Rythmo - “Mahana”

The abundance of T.P. Orchestre keeps on giving. This beautiful, beautiful song is from an album they did with Cameroonian star Betti-Betti, who basically expressed the pain of her country so precisely that the whole nation mourned her passing when she died young. This melody is just stunning, and the harmony 

- Stunt Double - “Be My Baby”

Ace track from some of our favorite people in all of LA.

11. Bug Chaser - “Crowley’s Kids”

I don’t know if Bug Chaser is active at the moment, but some of our favorite STL shows have been watching and/or playing with Bug Chaser. We did the City Museum rooftop twice — and we split favorite VU songs at the Lou Reed Farewell show. Two drumsets, way too much information per track, and an epic live show with a lead character who knows how to lose himself in a song.

12. Eko Roosevelt - “Attends Moi”

We learned about Eko Roosevelt by glimpsing him in a movie about Betti-Betti. He’s a handsome bearded gentleman behind a piano. The first songs by him that got us were super heavy disco, but this one has its own special power. Lately Paige has been singing and playing it on guitar — I’m kind of hoping that we hear her version of “Attends Moi” in another broadcast.

13. Manzanita y Su Conjunto - “Shambar”

One of the sweetest musical gifts in our life has been the discovery of Analog Africa’s ever-growing musical jackpot. They sent their list a note recently about an upcoming record focused on Manzanita y Su Conjunto and their path through cumbia music, and there are two  tracks available now counting this one. We’ll be getting this record, this shit is amazing.

Paige: “I gotta get in touch with Mrs. Link.”

14. Lizzy Mercier Descloux - “Fire”

This song is from her 1979 debut, “Press Color,” and man, what an undeniable new character on the scene! She was based in Paris, hooked up with Michel Esteban, and together they not only established a store of crucial Parisian punkness but also published a fucking MAGAZINE called “Rock News”!! While making music like this! Eventually they moved to New York in 1977 (natch) and as far as I know just continued to be the coolest humans on Earth. I can’t wait to share some of her other tracks with you �� besides the brilliant first album, there’s a whole record called “Zulu Rock”! 

15. Os Mutantes - “A Minha Menina”

And as always I think: What did the Beatles think of this music?! They must have known about it, they must have. To me it really brings a whole additional level that the Beatles wanted to get to but literally didn’t know how — and Os Mutantes did. 

16. Suburban Lawns - “Janitor”

Sometimes I wonder why something that sounds so objectionable can be the most vital music in the world. Like, nothing about the lyrics or the way this song is sung should be appealing — and instead, this song is brilliantly undeniable. It’s even better when you see them performing it. If you don’t know what they look like, I guarantee you she will be a surprising character.

My favorite words on it ever are something someone wrote as a comment under the video of their TV performance of this song: “Spent 15 years as a janitor. Can confirm every word.”  

17. Sinn Sisamouth and Ros Serey Sothea - “Mou Pei Na”

These two are just amazing characters in the pre-Khmer Rouge Cambodian music world. Ros Serey Sothea’s voice is totally unique, and Sisamouth has a sincere urgency that gives the whole song a surprising narrative shape.

18. Ranil - “Ángel Terrenal”

Analog Africa again — the cure for what ails you. They are truly combing the world for music that amazes. They played the length of the Amazon river and did their best to stay out of big cities after a bad experience with a record label. So they released these psychedelic jungle masterpieces on little slabs of vinyl that they sold up and down the river. Can you freaking believe that? 

- Salah Ragab - I believe you are responsible for telling us about Salah Ragab, Josh Weinstein. So good.

Also, as promised, further information about glue traps and why they’re so harsh (and how to pull off a successful rescue!) can be found here.

19. Dagi D - “Beka”

I feel like I knew my musical life had changed when I started thinking of every visit to an Ethiopian restaurant as a valuable moment to learn as much about the music as possible — especially Meskerem in St. Louis, it must be said. It turns out modern Ethiopian pop music is super addictive and can easily get stuck in your head for days. 

20. Raxstar - “Jaaneman”

We’re still pretty new to Kensington, our neighborhood in Brooklyn. We knew that a Muslim holiday called Eid al-Fitr was happening, and when it was happening, but we were still surprised by what a joyous holiday it was in our neighborhood. Everyone of all ages was out in their fines, which involved a whole lot of sequins and shining metallic threads. The men wore a lot of caftans and those excellent long shirts and/or jackets, most with beautiful patterns. We went for a long walk and just enjoyed seeing a holiday at full pitch — excited kids and tutting grandmas, people carrying big flower arrangements (in the shape of a crescent and star!), heavy-looking tins of food headed toward a feast, even fireworks overhead. We crossed paths with a group of dudes all dressed up in various states of celebration, from a sharp Western-style two-piece suit to an even sharper South Asian suit with a Nehru collar and snug caftan. It looked like they had just finished the parental part of the night and were deciding where and who to meet up with — exactly like, say, Thanksgiving night in your hometown. It felt like, from Coney Island to McDonald, Church to Cortelyou, it was New Year’s Eve for everyone but us. 

After our walk we returned to our apartment and set up a little folding table out back to enjoy a glass of wine in the warm air. Our neighbors across the fence were still in the midst of family time, with tons of kids running around, including a teensy little girl on a tiny little pink scooter and a gaggle of beautifully awkward teens in the posture and attitude that says “stand by your cousins and let me take your picture.” As the evening wore on and the parents drifted back inside, the young adult contingent got a speaker going, and soon we were catching tracks we’d never heard before. The one that made us first pay attention was “Jaaneman,” with the vocalist’s super-charismatic delivery and priceless accent. We found ourselves Shazaming song after song, and thus started learning about Desi hip hop, a whole world of East Asian immigrant tracks that offer a lens into life in the US and UK that I haven’t really seen since watching “My Beautiful Laundrette” many years ago. Fascinating!

“Jaaneman” literally means “soul of me,” but translates to “my love” or “my darling.” Check out Raxstar — I’d love to see him play SNL and get an impression of what he’s like live. Just last month he released “Forever Jaaneman,” which updates his original smash hit and is also a very strong track.

21. Nate Smith - “Spress Theyself”

One of the last shows we got to see in St. Louis was Nate Smith at Jazz at the Bistro, and holy smokes, what a pleasure to see him do his thing up close. I love this solo album because it sounds like a practice sesh that died and went to heaven. It doesn’t have a song’s logic, but it does follow the feel of a great intuitive exploration of a beat, wandering through subdivisions and feel variations with complete ease. 

22. Jefferson Airplane - “White Rabbit”

This is Paige’s call. I think it’s cool because I can hear the direct connection between this and Erkin Koray’s Anatolian psych rock style, which I previously had no idea about. This listen through, we’ve both been appreciating how overwhelming massive Grace Slick’s voice is.

23. Marie France - “Dereglée”

Another cut off the fantastic Born Bad Records comp “Paink,” and more proof that punk was happening in other languages at the same time. (Though I think they called themselves “méchant”… or denied being méchant, depending) The album art reveals that Marie France happened to look uncannily like a punk Marilyn Monroe, which only makes both MM and MF cooler. 

24. Operation Ivy - “One of These Days”

I was never for one second a punk in high school, but I knew that the Op Ivy t-shirt was the essence of functional punk.

- Shin Joong Hyun - “Moon Watching”

25. Shin Joong Hyun - “Spring Rain”

This guy has an otherworldly sense of melody and performance that indie rock only starting catching up with decades later. This is the guy sometimes referred to as the “Korean godfather of rock.” He was active from the early ‘60s til 1975, when he was arrested, tortured and banned in South Korea. Eventually, the leader who had hammered down on him died, and he was able to begin piecing his life back together. These iconic, evocative, cinematic recordings would sound great in any decade. 

Spoiler: it wasn’t! We walked across the bridge and it was a thoroughly magical New York evening. 

[daisy-chain-gardens]

Exchange Romance - Part 3

Part 1 - https://daisy-chain-gardens.tumblr.com/post/162913902685/exchange-romance 

Part 2 - https://daisy-chain-gardens.tumblr.com/post/162947052535/exchange-romance-part-2

A/N - Me again. Sorry for the two week break but I went on holiday with my host fam so not really that sorry. I am sorry however for giving you ugly links again though because I haven’t had time to figure out how to make them pretty. This is un-edited but I’ll edit it in the morning. Shout out to the lovely @marieherondalebookfangirl because she is the absolute cutest. On a more content related note, I did some research and couldn’t find out when Betty’s birthday was so it’s now November 16th in this universe. If her actual birthday has been said somewhere and I missed it, sorry!

Summary: How will Betty’s birthday go down?

Word Count: 4,631

A ringing noise filled Betty’s room early, really early. She reached over and grabbed her phone. The bright momentarily blinding her as she fumbled around trying to lower the brightness and answer the call at the same time.

“Elizabeth, happy birthday!” Alice’s chirpy voice seemed about fifty times too loud for Betty’s ears at this time in the morning.

“Thanks Mum. You know it’s 5:30 in the morning here, right?” Betty croaked in the direction of the phone, her eyes still not functioning properly.

“Oh no, have I screwed up the time difference again? I was wondering why you were looking like that. Should I call back later?”

“No, no it’s fine Mum. I’m already awake so we might as well talk now,” Betty replied, ignoring her mother's dig at her appearance while she tried to sit up. She rubbed her eyes to try and get rid of the sleep stuck in them.

“So, Elizabeth, any big plans for today?” A smile crossed the sleepy blonde’s face as she thought about today. It was finally her birthday, her favourite day of the year. Jug was coming over later to hang out and then they were going to catch up with Ronnie and Archie to watch movies and eat takeaways. It wasn’t anything major but she couldn’t wait.

“Nothing special. V and I are gonna have some friends over for movie and takeout tonight but I’m not getting up to much during the day.” Although Betty had never been the best at lying to her mother, it was a whole lot easier when she was thousand of miles away. “That sounds … nice. Have you been using that face cream I sent over? You’re skin is looking a bit irritated, you need to drink more water.” Alice pointed out. The screen froze momentarily, giving Betty enough time to roll her eyes without her mother noticing.

“Of course Mum. I’ll grab some water when I get out of bed. 5:30 in the morning remember?” Betty retaliated, hoping that it wasn’t too obvious how irritated she was at her mother for already putting her in a bad mood. Typical Alice Cooper.

“Well everything is going well here thanks for asking Elizabeth. Polly is coming home in a couple of weeks but she’s already on holiday. Honestly, I swear they are always on holiday at that university of hers. This is why you’re over there Elizabeth, remember that. I want something better for you than what Polly has.” Betty felt  homesick at the mention of her beloved sister. The emotion quickly passed as it was replaced by disgust at her mother’s opinion of Polly’s education.

“I know Mum, I’m sure you won’t let me forget it.”

Alice continued to fill her youngest daughter in on various things happening in back in Wellington but Betty stopped listening after a while, having perfected the art of nodding and mumbling generic response at a very young age. A while later she broke out of her daze and interrupted her mother while she was complaining about a neighbour who had supposedly stolen one of their recycling bin.

“Sorry Mum but I need to go. Kevin was planning on calling me in ten minutes so I should probably get up and out of my pyjamas.”

“Of course Elizabeth. Happy birthday again. Don’t forget to drink some water before your friends call. I love you, have a great day.” “Thanks Mum, I will. Love you too,” Betty said before quickly hanging up.

--------------------

Betty’s phone rang again at exactly 6:30. She hurried over to where she’d left it on her dresser and answered it quickly.

“Happy birthday Betts!” Her friend’s voice greeted Betty as her face broke into a huge smile at the sight of her best friend.

“Aww thanks Kev, you’re the best.”

“Betts, Imiss you so much, you have no idea,” he exclaimed, the corner of his lips turning down in a fake pout.

“Trust me I know,” Betty replied as she sat down on her bed. “I did talk to you guys two days ago though.”

“Yeah we know but it’s not the same,” whined Kevin. “Anyway, on a lighter note, how are you going to celebrate the big one seven?”

“Umm, well I’m spending the day with Jughead and then we’re gonna watch movies with Ronnie and Arch tonight.”

“Oooh, Betty. And what exactly are you planning on doing with a whole day alone with your handsome prince, hmm?” Kevin waggled his eyebrows in question, reminding Betty of a cartoon character as she burst out laughing.

“Probably nothing even close to what you’re thinking in that screwed up little heads of yours Kev.”

“I’m hurt.” Kevin held a hand up to his chest in mock offense.” “But seriously, what are you doing.”

“I don’t actually know,” Betty confessed. “Jughead said he was planning something but he hasn’t let anything slip.”

“How intriguing. Be sure to fill me in on everything, and I mean everything.”

“I always do Kev.” Betty joked. The topic then turned to more trivial things as Kevin filled in his best friend on the various gossip that was currently circulating. The conversation kept flowing and Betty started to feel like she was back at home, sitting in her pink room on the phone to Kevin as he talked her ear off. It was a strange feeling, to be going through such a familiar routine but feeling so detached from it. Kevin eventually had to leave but Betty sat there for a long time. Tears rolled down her cheeks as she stared out the window.. All she really wanted in that moment was to be able to talk to Kevin for just a little while longer. To slip back into that bubble of familiarity instead of sitting here in isolation. To go home.

--------------------

Jughead strolled into the Lodge’s apartment at nine o’clock with a bunch of flowers in one hand and a small present in the other. He walked straight to Betty’s room and knocked softly on the door.

“Come in,” Betty’s voice sounded small and broken, forcing Jughead to open the door faster than he thought was humanly possible.

“Betty,” Jughead’s heart broke at the sight of her. She looked so small. Her hands quickly came up to her face to wipe away the tears but they just kept coming. He placed the flowers and the gift on top of her dresser before sitting down next to the broken blonde and hugging her tightly. He placed a soft kiss on the top of her head as she collapsed into him. “What’s wrong Betts?” Betty could hear the worry clearly in his voice as she pulled away from the hug, trying again to dry her teary eyes.

“It’s nothing, it’s stupid. Don’t worry about it Jug. I’m fine,” she replied with a fake smile. Jughead looked at her cautiously before resting his hand on one of her legs, his thumb moving in soft circles.

“Betts, come on, I know you. You don’t cry over nothing. What’s going on?” He asked again. She looked down at his thumb as the smile fell from her lips.

“I just … I’m just kinda homesick. I talked to Kevin this morning and just had this unexplainable urge to go back home,” Jughead’s hand moved from her leg to her check, brushing away the tears that had started to fall again. “It’s not that I don’t love it here, I mean it’s honestly a dream come true. In fact, I feel like this is a dream, like I’m not really living, you know? I feel like I’ve just hit pause on my life but no one else has. Everyone else is still carrying on with their everyday routine but I’m here on the other side of the world and no one cares. Everyone back home just assumes that I’m having the time of my life and everything is so easy and I’m living the ‘American dream’ or whatever. Everyone here just treats me like the new kid and makes fun of my accent. I just want things to be normal.” Her tears had dried up now as anger replaced her loneliness.

“Betty, it’s absolutely fine to be homesick. You’re allowed to break down sometimes. You’re allowed to cry and be angry and scream and kick stuff. You don’t need to be strong all the time. I don’t know how to help you with all of that stuff but I will personally beat up whoever makes you feel like you’re unwanted ok? Nobody should ever have to feel that way, especially not you.” Jughead pulled her into his arms again and this time she didn’t pull away. They stayed that way for a long time; Betty curled up around Jughead as he stroked her hair and whispered sweet nothings into her ear. A while later she sat up and looked out the window.

“It’s snowing,” she said quietly, her voice still hoarse from crying. She walked over to the window and Jughead couldn’t help but think how pure and innocent she looked. Her eyes were wide with wonder and she looked out at the white blanket falling over the town. Jughead got up slowly and stood next to her.

“Happy birthday Betts.”

--------------------

Betty had become too entranced by the snow to register that she hadn’t yet eaten. He offered to grab some breakfast and she nodded absent mindedly, not fully registering the question and the white flakes drifted past the glass. He chuckled under his breath before exiting the room in search of food. Veronica was in the kitchen making coffee when he arrived. Jughead was planning on making some toast or finding some cereal but there was already a tray full of pastries on the bench. He searched the cupboards for a clean plate before loading it up with pastries and fruit.

“Hey Jug, is B ok? I thought I heard her crying this morning but I didn’t really want to intrude.” Ronnie asked before taking a sip of her coffee.

“Yeah she’s ok. Just a bit homesick. It’s kind of hard for her, being away from her family and friends on her birthday.” Jughead replied while filling up two glasses with orange juice.

“That sucks. I know how much she was looking forward to her birthday but I didn’t even think about that. Let me know if there’s anything I can do to help.” Jughead smiled up at he in response before continuing to empty the kitchen of various breakfast foods.

“Actually,” he said, stopping what he was doing and turning around to face the dark haired girl. “I do have an idea but it might be kind of hard.”

“Anything for B. Just name it and I’ll sort it out.”

“Ok, so…”

--------------------

After their huge breakfast, Betty and Jughead put on their winter coats and stepped out into the snow. Jughead couldn’t stop smiling at his girlfriend. She was running and spinning and jumping around the streets as they walked. Despite his hatred of cellphones and what they did to society, Jughead couldn’t help himself when he pulled his out of his pocket and took some photos of the carefree blonde.

“You would think you’ve never seen snow, Betts,” Jughead quipped. He shoved his phone back into his pocket before she turned around.

“Well, I haven’t really. I mean, I’ve seen snow but I’ve never actually been outside while it’s snowing. Wellington gets cold but it’s right next to the sea so no snow for us.” Although her tone was slightly sad, Betty was beaming at the magical scene surrounding her.

“I guess I never really thought about that. Do you want to stay outside or should we find something to do indoors?” he asked her as her wrapped his arm around her shoulder, pulling her tight.

“Outside, definitely.”

“Ok. I know somewhere we can go.” With that, she was off. She ran down the street, leaving Jughead far behind. Her laughter bounced around the deserted street and Jughead started to wonder if maybe snow was a bit magical. It had to be to turn the crying, broken girl he saw this morning into this playful, carefree Betty he was now chasing through Riverdale. She kept running and laughing and he kept chasing after her, street after street. Betty disappeared around another corner and Jughead followed not long after, his heavy breaths visible in the frozen weather. Once he turned the corner he stopped; Betty had disappeared. He looked around the empty street for the giggly blonde. He couldn’t see her anywhere and was just about to call her name when he felt something cold and wet on the back of his jacket. Sure enough, Betty was standing at the other end of the street, snowballs in hand.

“Watch out Betts. Remember you’re the one who hasn’t been in proper snow before!” He called out to her playfully as he crouched down to make his own snowballs. He managed to roll up two before he felt another one of Betty’s hit him, this time on the back of his head. He stood up to retaliate, only to find the street empty again. “Hey Betts! I got a present for you!” He yelled out while walking towards where he’s last seen her. He heard a faint giggle from behind a large letter box and slowly walked around it before throwing both of his snowballs at her, hitting her shoulder both times.

“Juggie!” She squealed before hitting her with her last ball. They both crouched down to make more, smiles wide on their faces and the sound of their laughter echoed off the houses. Several minutes later they were both soaked. Jughead had one snowball left and Betty tried to run away, only to be stopped by his arms wrapping around her waist and picking her up. Jughead put the snowball down her jacket and she squirmed and giggled as the snow melted down her back.

“I warned you Betty Cooper.” Jughead set her down on the ground in front of him and brushed a strand of hair back behind her air.

“That you did Jughead Jones.” Betty wrapped her arms around his neck and looked up at him for a second before pressing her lips to his. The kiss was slow but heated, soft, but passionate, all at the same time. He wrapped his arms around her waist and lifted her up, spinning her around as she giggled against his mouth. Jughead put her down gently and pulled his lips away slowly. His eyes stayed closed as he leant his forehead against hers, trying to remember every second of this perfect moment. He opened his eyes slowly to see her looking up at him expectantly.

“Happy Birthday Betts.”

--------------------

Eventually the smiling duo ended up at Sweetwater River. They held hands as the strolled along the snowy banks of the water before finally stopping at a large rock. Jughead sat down on the edge, Betty sitting right next to him and leaning her head onto his shoulder.

“Is this where you wanted to take me?’ Betty asks without turning her head. Her voice is soft so as not to disturb their peaceful surroundings.

“Yeah. This is kind of my spot,” Jughead replied. He reached over and put an arm around her shoulder before leaning his head on top of hers.

“It’s beautiful here, even with the snow. I don’t know why I haven’t come here before,” she wondered aloud. Jughead chuckled before replying.

“I don’t know if you’ve noticed but Ron isn’t really a big fan of nature.” Betty chuckled as well at the thought of Ronnie coming into the forest.

“Definitely. I can’t really see her in anything less than three inch heels, let alone sneakers. Plus there are way too many creepy crawlies for her liking.” They fell into a comfortable silence, watching the snow slowly dissolve in the half frozen river and listening to one another breathing. There weren’t any birds around but Betty could imagine the music they would make in warmer weather. Despite them both being soaked from head to toe after their snowball fight, neither of the felt the cold when they were wrapped up in each other’s arms. Betty was so caught up in the their surroundings that she didn’t notice Jughead slide his phone out of his pocket and take another photo of her.

“Before I lived with Archie I used to come here a lot.” He barely broke their silence. His voice was so soft that Betty thought she’d imagined it. She shifted slightly to look up at his face once he moved his head off of her’s. “Once my mum left with my sister, my dad used to come home drunk more and more often so I’d come and sit on this rock. I don’t know why it was here but it made me feel safe. Archie and I used to come here every day during the summer when we were kids to go swimming or fishing and I guess it just reminded me of when things were simple. When my family all lived under the same roof. When I didn’t have to worry about my dad’s drinking. When I was happy. I used to sit here and write. I wasn’t much good but it kept me distracted. Being able to come here and sit in the quiet was so … it was what kept me going. Once I moved in with Archie I kind of stopped coming. I still write but it’s not the same. I used to make up stories about princes and dragons and far away kingdoms.” He chuckles and a small smile plays on his lips as he remembers his own innocence. He’s still looking straight ahead, his gaze locked on the moving water of the river before them. “Now it’s darker, more realistic. I feel like my writing kind of shows how I’ve changed, you know? How I used to be this little kid with dreams and fantasies but now I’m this screwed up teenager with such a pessimistic outlook on life that I can’t even let myself be happy because I feel like it’ll just be taken away from me.” Betty reached up and held his face between her hands, forcing him to look at her.

“You deserve to be happy Jug. You deserve it more than anyone else that I’ve ever known. You’re kind and smart and so much more. No one should have to go through what you’ve been through but you did, and that sucks. Look at you now. You're not this scared little kid running away from your problems anymore. You’re so much more than that. I’m so grateful that you have come into my life and allowed me to see this side of you. The soft side of you that you choose to hide from the world. I know that you’ve been hurt by people you love Juggie but that doesn’t mean that everyone you love will hurt you. That just means that those people who hurt you are idiots because they didn’t realise what an incredible person you are.” His expression softened as he looked into her eyes and saw her determination, her pain, and this light that was purely Betty.

He kissed her, hard. So hard that she fell onto her back on the rock, his body following her’s. The kiss only lasted a few seconds but Betty swore she saw fireworks. Jughead pulled back first but kept his body hovering just above her.

“Thank you Betts, for everything.” She placed a quick kiss on his lips before pushing him off her and sitting up.

“How about you shout milkshakes at Pop’s. It is my birthday after all.” Her green eyes now sparkled playfully, any hint of pain that she felt after their previous conversation had disappeared without a trace.

“Anything for you Betts.” He helped her up and the kept her hand held in his until they saw the familiar red glow of Pops through the blanket snow.

--------------------

They got back to the Lodge apartment at about 7pm, takeout from Pop’s was still warm in their frozen hands.They’d spent many hours sitting in their regular booth, laughing over milkshakes as their clothes dripped onto the red vinyl. The walk home had been quick, their clothes will still damp and the wind had picked up, chilling them to the bone. They tumbled through the door, a mess of laughter and melted snow.

“Happy birthday!” Archie and Ronnie sang out from the living room. Ronnie hurried up the couch and hugged Betty tightly, catching the blonde by surprise. Archie followed in a less urgent manner and gave Betts and awkward half nod instead of a hug. Betty returned it with a chuckle.

“Thanks guys. We brought Pop’s for dinner.” Jughead held up the bag before walking over to the living room to set it up. “I’m just gonna go and put on some dry clothes, be back in a minute,” Betty said over her shoulder as she walked out of the room. She returned minutes later in sweats and a t-shirt. “Ok, I’m all good. You guys ready t-”

“Surprise!” Her three friends yelled from their spot by the coffee table. They stepped aside to let Betty look at what was on the table. She gasped and her hands flew up to her face.

“Oh my god! Guys, this is so cool! Oh, you shouldn’t have.” On the table in front of her stood all of things to cure her homesickness; marmite, pineapple lumps, hokey pokey ice cream, ANZAC biscuits, the list goes on. All three of her friends stood in front of her with smiles on their faces but Jughead’s was by far the largest. Betty wrapped her arms around his neck and then jumped, wrapping her legs around his waist. He reached his hands up to her face and kissed her hard. Both of them were smiling widely, pulling away from each other only to be pulled straight back in.

“Ok, ok. I get that you’re excited B but you’re room is literally right there.” Betty kissed Jughead once more before unwrapping herself from Jughead.

“Very funny V. Thank you guys, so much. This is honestly the best birthday I have ever had.” She bounced over to Ronnie and hugged her tightly. “Thanks Ron. I know that Jughead didn’t do all of this by himself. You’re the best.”

“I know B. And honestly, don’t worry about it. You know I’d do anything for you.” The bubbly blonde let go and then walked over to Archie. They looked at each other for a second before Betty stood up on her tiptoes and hugged him briefly.

“Thanks Arch,” she said quietly. He looked down at his feet before giving her a small smile.

“No problem Betty. I didn’t really do much, it was all these two really. I just helped carry stuff from the elevator.”

“Well thanks anyway Arch. Are you guys ready to watch a movie? I don’t know what to watch so you guys can pick if you want.” She was still bubbling with happiness and love for her amazing new friends.

--------------------

The rest of the night was spent with good food and even better company. They ended up watching ‘Titanic’, much to Jughead and Archie’s disappointment. The girl’s shared a knowing look but kept quiet when they saw their boyfriends with wet cheeks after the movie. The pineapple lumps were finished as soon as Betty opened the packet but Archie didn’t quite understand how to eat marmite properly.

“No Archie! You need to put less on the piece of toast otherwise yes, it is disgusting.” They were all laughing at the strange faces that Archie was pulling. Jughead and Veronica were still refusing to eat the black spread which their kiwi friend was consuming at speed.

“I don’t know how but your accent seems to get stronger when you're speaking this weird stuff you like to call food,” Jughead teased, receiving a playful punch on the arm from his girlfriend before she kissed him on the cheek.

“Haha, very funny. You wish that you could have this accent,” Betty retaliated, trying to play it cool. The squeal that left her lips gave her act away as Jughead pulled her onto his lap and peppered her neck with kisses.

“I think that’s our queue Archiekins. Happy birthday B, don’t stay up too late,” she said with a wink as she dragged Archie towards the door.

“Don’t worry, I’ll cover for you Jug. Happy birthday Betty,” Archie called over his shoulder before the door slammed behind him.

“A whole apartment all to ourselves, Juggie. Whatever could we do?” Her tone was playful as she leaned back against him.

“Well, I still haven't given you your present yet. Do you want it or should I save it for the next cute blonde with a funny accent that waltzes into my life?” She kissed him softly in lieu of a response before hopping off Jughead’s lap. He took her hand and gently led her down the hall to her bedroom.

--------------------

The parcel and the flowers were still sitting on the dresser where he’d left them this morning. Betty went and sat in the middle of her bed, legs crossed and hugging one of the fluffy pillows which Jughead had never really seen the point in. He walked across the room and sat down facing her, shoes hanging off the edge of the bed.

“Happy birthday Betts,” Jughead whispered as he handed the gifts over to girlfriend. She kissed his cheek before looking down at the present in his hand. Betty unwrapped the paper carefully, finding a piece of paper folded up inside. She started to unfold the paper but stopped when she felt Jughead's hand on her wrist.

"Not yet, ok? I don't really want to be here when you read it." He gave her a shy smile before looking down at the bed and picking at a non-existent thread. She placed the note carefully beside her and then cupped his face in her hands, forcing him to look at her for the second time today.

“Thank you, Juggie," she said softly. Their eyes met for a brief moment before his lips were on hers. This kiss was different from all of the others that they had shared. It was soft but needy, saying all of the words they couldn't yet. Jughead pulled back slowly, leaning against her forehead.

“I wouldn’t thank me yet, you haven’t even opened it,” he said jokingly, but Betty could see the uncertainty in his dark eyes.

“Thank you, Juggie,” she repeated. “Thank you for a birthday I will never forget.” Betty kissed him once more before falling back onto the bed and pulling the covers up around her. She was still holding his hand as he carefully removed his shoes and jacket before slipping under the covers beside her. She falls asleep with Jughead stroking her hair and a smile on her lips as she remembers her perfect day.

--------------------

Betty wakes up to an empty bed. She rolls over in search of Jughead but only finds a piece of paper in his place.

Had to go and meet Fred. Sorry I couldn’t wait for you to wake up. Pop’s for milkshakes later?

She smiled as she read his messy writing. Betty sat up and picked her birthday present from Jughead off the floor. She sat back down on the edge of her bed. By the time she reached the end of the letter, her eyes were filled with tears. She read the letter four more times before grabbing her phone off the charger and texting her boyfriend three little words.

[cali-holland]

Mr. Darcy- Tom Holland One Shot

Pairing: Tom Holland X Reader

Prompt: While undercover at a school in New York, Tom falls for the pretty valedictorian and his partner for an English project.

Word Count: 3070

Masterlist   Tom Holland Masterlist

*Gif is not mine*

~~~

“I can’t believe it- I’m literally going back to high school.” Tom muttered angrily before biting into his toast for breakfast.

“Hey, you wanted to play Spider-man.” Harrison said, taking a sip of his tea.

“I know, but I didn’t think Marvel would legitimately send me to an American high school.”

As Harrison went to respond, his phone lit up, “Well, I got to go. Have fun at school, Stanley Osterfield.” He ruffled Tom’s hair playfully before leaving the room to answer his phone. Tom let out another huff of annoyance as he finished his meal. He fixed his hair in the bathroom mirror and grabbed his backpack, before heading out the door to his first day at an American high school.

~~~

Your AP Physics C instructor droned on about how magnetic fields are created as you drifted off into space. Just as your eyes were beginning to shut, the door squeaked open and a brown-haired boy walked in.

“I’m sorry. I got lost.” He said, handing Mr. Smith a pass. The teacher glanced down at him, then peered back up at the teenager.

“Transfer, eh?” Mr. Smith tossed the paper on the desk, “Take a seat in the back, next to Lucas.”

“Okay.” The boy said and began to walk to the back of the classroom. You, along with your classmates, stared at him as he walked; all of you wondering how-how he managed to get into the Bronx School of Science and Engineering at this point of the year. No one new had arrived since freshman year, so why suddenly in your senior year is someone knew arriving? He must be brilliant, in order to have bypassed all the tests and the waiting lists. You had a strange feeling about him. He looked all too familiar; when he passed by you and his brown eyes caught yours, you could’ve sworn you’d seen them before.

Your instructor continued with his lecture, acting as if he wasn’t questioning the arrival of a new student.

~~~

Four classes later, you saw him again. The new kid, Stan if you had heard the rumor properly, was in your physics class as well as your AP Literature and Composition class. This time, however, he wasn’t late, which seemed to please Ms. Hall.

“The AP Literature and Composition test is based upon your ability to analyze pieces of literature.” Ms. Hall spoke as she passed around a yellow sheet of paper with black printing on it, “For this project, you will be reading a classic novel and film a short movie based upon it. I will assign you a partner to work with on this project, as well as a book for it.” She then rattled off names in partners, calling you out last, “Y/N and Stanley, Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen.” You immediately looked over at the new boy. He simply pulled his beanie down lower and kept his head hidden in his arms.

Class continued as normal with no further discussion about the film project. After class, you went over to Ms. Hall’s desk to ask her about your partner.

“Y/N, are you here to ask why I partnered you with the new student?” She said before you managed to get a word out. You nodded sheepishly, “I did it because you are the valedictorian and my brightest student. I know you will do well on the project and I know that you will also manage to help him get comfortable in this school.”

“Okay. I think it will be fine. And, Ms. Hall, I am not valedictorian yet.”

“You’ve always been so modest. You will be valedictorian-I’m quite sure of it.” She smiled at you, “Have a good afternoon.”

“You too, Ms. Hall.” You replied, exiting the classroom. You headed straight for your locker to drop off your textbooks, so that you could head home.

“Excuse me, do you know where the library is?” You heard someone question. You turned around and were met with the eyes of Stanley.

“It’s on the other side of that building. You just walk down that hallway, through both sets of doors, and you’ll be there.” You explained.

“Right. Thank you.” When he turned to leave, you stopped him.

“You’re Stanley, right? The new student?” You said.

“Yes, that’s me.” He turned back around to face you.

“I’m Y/N Y/L/N, your partner for the English assignment.” You held your hand out for him to shake.

“Stanley Osterfield, but you can call me Stan.” He replied, shaking your hand with a smile.

“What are you off to the library for?”

“Textbooks-and also Pride and Prejudice.”

“If you give me a minute, I’ll walk with you. I need Pride and Prejudice as well.”

“Oh okay.” Stan said, waiting for you as you finished up at your locker.

“I have a copy of it, but I’m afraid my sister took it back to Florida, so I’ll most likely never get it back.”

“So you’ve read it before?” He asked as you both headed down the hallway towards the library.

“Yes, it’s one of my favorites. I’ve always been a fan of classical literature, especially novels from the U.K.”

“Have you ever been?”

“To the U.K.?” You questioned and he nodded, “Never, but I’m hoping to study at University College London next year.”

“UCL? Isn’t it hard to get into?”

“I suppose, but I’m hopeful.”

“Well, you’ll love it there. I’ve been to the U.K. quite a few times and it’s great.”

“Do you have family there?” You asked and Tom laughed with a nod.

“Yes, yes I do.” He responded as he held the library door open for you.

~~~

“So, Stan, how was your first day of school?” Harrison asked when the front door of his shared apartment with Tom opened that afternoon. He had been sitting on the couch, watching TV while eating chips.

“Boring and long.” He stated, dropping his backpack and books off on the dining room table.

“Make any friends?”

“No; besides, I’m only here for a month.” He stole the bag of chips from Harrison on his way to his room.

“What are all the numbers on your hand then?” Harrison called after Tom.

“Homework.” He responded as he shut the door between them. Tom looked down at his hand where the numbers were written. He hadn’t meant to make friends, but he somehow had become acquainted with you on his first day. He didn’t refuse when you offered to give him your number, so that you could communicate for the project. He continued to tell himself that it was for a project and not for any sort of relationship.

~~~

A few weeks later:

“Stan, I’m serious. The project is due next week and we still have to film and edit it. When will you be open?” You questioned as the two of you walked down the school hallway. Tom kept joking around and you could see that he was far from taking this project seriously.

“I can do whenever. I haven’t got any plans this weekend.”

“Ok, so we’ll film at my place tomorrow. And then you are going to study for that physics test.”

“But physics is boring.” He whined as you opened your locker.

“Oh well. You need to pass this test.”

“But it’s so hard. I don’t understand anything.”

“I really have no clue how you got into this school. You don’t know a thing about science at all.”

“I know Newton’s three laws.”

“Stan, everyone knows that.” You laughed, rolling your eyes at him.

“I’m an idiot, but that’s why I have you-the smartest girl in school- to help me.” He smiled as the bell rang.

“I’ll see you in second period.”

“See you then.” He replied as he took off to make it to class. You sighed as you closed your locker. At least it was a Friday.

~~~

“Are we doing British accents or not?”

“I can work with British.” Tom said, switching into his normal accent, as you two carried on up a small hill, where you’d begin filming.

“You definitely have spent a lot of time in England for your accent to be that good. I don’t know many Americans who can talk like that.” You laughed.

“I’ve had practice. Your turn.”

“Yeah, I think we’re going to stay with normal American accents because my British accent is terrible.” You stated, setting up the camera on a tripod.

“Alright, we’ll do American accents. Might make it less legit.” Tom said, making you shrug.

“I just want to get this over with. Ready, Mr. Darcy?” You asked.

“Always, Miss Bennet.”

“Let’s start it then.” You pressed play on the camera and got into position in front of Tom.

“I couldn’t sleep.” You said.

“Nor I. My aunt-”

“Yes, she was here.”

“How could I ever make amends for such behavior?”

“After what you have done for Lydia and I suspect Jane also, it is I who should be making amends.” Tom stepped closer to you, prepared for Darcy’s speech.

“You must know, surely you must know, it was all for you. You are too generous to trifle with me. I believe you spoke with my aunt last night, and it has taught me to hope as I’d scarcely allowed myself before. If your feelings are still what they were last April, tell me so at once. My affections and wishes have not changed, but one word from you will silence me forever.” He stepped closer to you once more, “If, however, your feelings have changed, I would have to tell you: you have bewitched me, body and soul, and I love… I love… I love you. And I never wish to be parted from you from this day on.” He delivered the lines with such ease and fluidity that you stood frozen, staring into his big brown eyes, completing forgetting about the rest of the world.

“Y/N.” He mumbled, causing you to snap out of your trance.

“Right! My line!”

“Were you distracted?” Tom teased as you went to stop the camera.

“No, what makes you say that?”

“You just kind of zoned out staring at me. Does that mean I’m a good Darcy?” He asked and you playfully rolled your eyes.

“Let’s run it again.”

“Can you handle that?”

“I’m fine. I just forgot my line. That’s all.”

You ran through the scene a few more times and each time you were amazed by Tom. As you were packing up you camera, your stomach growled at you.

“Are you hungry? We can go get something to eat.” Tom asked, putting on his sunglasses, despite it being overcast.

“Sure. Where do you want to go?”

“I know this amazing taco place not too far from here.”

“Sounds good to me.” You shrugged, zipping up your camera bag. Tom took your hand, leading you through the park to the taco place, which turned out to be a taco truck.

“When you said amazing, I was thinking fancy restaurant.” You laughed, taking a bite of your taco.

“Is this not fancy?” Tom asked, accidentally slipping into his British accent.

“I still can’t believe you can speak with a good British accent.” You stated.

“I’ll have to take you there someday.”

“Take me where?”

“England.”

“I can’t afford a spontaneous trip to England, Stan.”

“True, because you’ll be going there next year.”

“I haven’t gotten my acceptance letter yet. I’m starting to get worried.”

“If you don’t get in to UCL, that’s okay. You’ve got a handful of other brilliant colleges waiting for you.”

“I know, but UCL has always been my dream.”

“You’ll be fine. I believe in you.” He encouraged as your phone went off.

“Sorry, Stan, I have to go. My mom wants me home.” You stated, standing up to leave

“I’ll walk you home.” He replied, following your actions. Tom walked beside you the entire walk home as you two continued your chat.

“Well, this is me.” You said, “Thank you fro tonight, Stan. I had fun.”

“Me too.” He replied. You both awkwardly stood there for a moment, waiting for the other to make a move. You turned towards the door.

“I should go.”

“Wait.” He called out and you turned back around to him. “I really like you, Y/N.”

“I like you too, Stan.”

“No,” he said, getting closer to you, “I really like you.” He repeated, leaning in to kiss you.

~~~

“How was filming?” Your sister asked you when you walked in the door.

“It was great.” You smiled, “We got everything done.”

“Seems like something more happened.” She said.

“Nothing happened. What are you watching?” You asked, looking at the TV.

“Captain America: Civil War.”

“Is Thor in it?” You asked. You’re not one to be big on superheroes, but you did have a soft spot for the God of thunder.

“No, but Spider-man and Black Panther are in it.”

“I didn’t think Spider-man was an Avenger.”

“It’s a long story. He’s about to pop up, wanna watch?”

“For a few, but I’ve got chores.” You said, sitting beside her on the couch as she played it. “Queens” was shown in big, bold letters as a song began to play.

“How was school today?” A woman off-screen asked as the camera focused on the back of a teenage boy.

“Okay. This crazy car parked outside-” he cut himself short as he saw whatever was behind the camera. You didn’t care about the plot-you cared about the character.

“Stan?”

“What?” Your sister asked.

“That’s Stan.” You said in disbelief.

“Stan? Stan who?”

“Stanley Osterfield. He’s new to my school and we’re partners for an English project.”

“That’s Tom Holland- not Stanley Osterfield.”

“They look the same and speak the same.” You pulled out your phone and searched up the unknown actor. “I don’t believe this.”

“What?”

“They are literally the same person. He’s faking it. He’s British and he’s 20.”

“Hey, Y/N, look what came today?” Your mom said, showing you an envelope with the letters UCL in bold.

“It came!” You shrieked, discarding your phone to grab the letter. You opened it with shaking hands and began to read it.

“I got in! I got in! UCL accepted me!” You exclaimed eagerly.

~~~

“Hey, Y/N.” Tom said Monday morning when he stopped by your locker, following his routine. You stayed silent, deciding to ignore him.

“I heard you got into UCL. Congratulations, I knew you could do it.”

“Thanks.” You said flatly, slamming your locker shut and beginning to walk away.

“Did I do something wrong?” He asked, chasing after you. When you remained silent, he questioned you more, “Is this about Saturday?”

“What are you doing here?” You replied, halting and turning to him.

“What do you mean?”

“What are you doing here? At the Bronx School of Science and Engineering? You’re not looking for a career in science or engineering. You’ve already got a career, don’t you, Tom?”

“Y/N, I have no clue what you’re talking ab-”

“I don’t want to hear it. I know you’re not Stanley Osterfield and I know you’re not even American. You’ve been lying to me-all this time.”

“Look, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for it to go this far.”

“This far? You’re the one who kissed me the other night.” You were furious at ho he remained calm.

“I know. I’m really sorry, just please understand I never meant to hurt you. I wasn’t lying to you when I told you how I felt about you. My name and my accent was all I ever lied about. Please, believe me.”

“I don’t know what to believe anymore. I need time. Please, St-Tom, just leave me alone for a little bit.”

“I will, but please just know two things: first, tomorrow, I am going back to London and my time here will be up; and second, I love you and, as cheesy as it is, I never wish to be parted from you. I’ll leave you alone now. Goodbye, Y/N.” Tom walked away in defeat as you stood there trying to compose yourself.

~~~

The next morning, you received a text message from an unknown number, reading: ‘Y/N, you don’t know me, but I am Harrison Osterfield and, as Tom’s best friend, I’ve heard a lot about you. I’ve known Tom for many years and he’s not one to easily fall in love, but, somehow, he fell in love with you quickly. His intentions were originally to witness a New York high school first hand; then that all changed with you, on the very first day. I just wanted you to know that Tom loves everything about you. Our flight to London leaves at 9, but below is our flat address here in New York, in case you wanted to say goodbye to him.’

You sat still for a minute, deciding if you wanted to go see him off or not. Looking over at your bedside table, you saw your UCL acceptance letter sitting on top of Pride and Prejudice.

“How are you holding up, Y/N?” Your mom asked, walking into your room.

“I don’t know what to do. For the first time in my life, I’m utterly clueless. I’m upset that he didn’t tell me the truth, but I think I love him, mom.”

“Elizabeth Bennet gave Mr. Darcy another chance. Maybe Tom is your Mr. Darcy.”

“His flight is leaving soon, but I’ve got school.” You told her.

“Quit making excuses and go. Go find your Darcy.” She said and you smiled, racing out of the house.

You arrived at the complex and breathlessly knocked on the door. After a moment, it opened to a surprised Tom.

“Y/N, what’re you doing here?” He asked.

“I came to stop my Darcy from leaving me.” You said, causing a silly smile to form on his face.

“Your Darcy?”

“If you’ll still accept me as your Elizabeth, that is.”

“Your affections and wishes have changed?”

“Very much so.” You said, taking his hands in yours, “You’re hands are cold.” He laughed in reply.

“Are you two going to continue being nerds or are you going to kiss?”

“That’s Harrison.”

“I know.” You laughed, “And he’s right. We should kiss.”

“Yes we should.” Tom said, before giving you a kiss.