#edit: i finished the podcast lol

[wundrousarts]

I need to get back on my Jess interview grind and finish before Silverborn press starts up because tell me why I'm skimming one trying to find something and then realize she's talking about Ages. ACK! This is vital to my theorizing.....

[smidgen-of-hotboy]

Our Angel of Brahma, pt. iii

Me: I gotta stop writing this so I can finish something else for once. Also Me: continues writing this.

@ceaseless-watchers-special-girl @ananxiousgenz @demonic-panini @the-private-eye @gwenlena

SOUND: COMMS BEEPS. RECORDING BEGINS. SOUND: BEDSHEETS RUSTLING. Younger Revolutionary: Mm'arlie? What're you– Mm'arlie: Go back to sleep, Baird.  (MUFFLED LAUGHTER) I'll be back soon enough, just gotta… think about some things.  SOUND: BARE FEET ON TILE. Mm'arlie:  (SIGH) Where do I begin?  Baird’s mom went missing two years ago. She tucked him in, told him a bedtime story about the Revolutionary, and then closed the door. When he got up the next morning, she was gone. I came over and we waited outside on the steps for hours. She never came back from where ever.  We waited three days doing the same thing over and over. My parents fed him each day. And on the fourth day, his father showed up with his spouse. Baird isn't close with his Dad. And he hates their spouse. He didn't want them to stay with him but my family can't afford to take care of another mouth forever. My parents love Baird. But they can't raise another kid right now.  (GRUNT) SOUND: MM'ARLIE SITTING DOWN. Mm'arlie: So his daddy came back to pick up where his Mom left, and his step-parent tried to make amends. It's… it's been a rough couple of years… Earlier today, the System went down for maintenance, so the Constables were out patrolling all day. Baird was with me, completing an odd job brushing dust off the daycare windows for Mrs. Darius. Baird’s Dad didn't come home last night. So it was just him and their step-parent eating dinner. Lentils and fried spam.  Baird and I finished brushing the dust off the windows around noon. We still had plenty of time to pick up another job before we had to go our separate ways. So we went back to his apartment block to grab something to eat and collect our pay before we went looking. There was a crowd gathered outside Baird’s apartment. We pushed through hoping to slip inside unnoticed. I wasn't paying attention, Baird grabbed my shirt sleeve, and when I looked back– the were four Constables beating a man. Baird’s face went grey.  It was his father.  Wherever he went last night, they found him today, and they were– they were doing it in broad daylight. His spouse ran down the apartment steps and pushed me and Baird aside.  I watched them fall towards Baird’s Dad and shield his body with theirs. I watched the Constables pair up two-on-one and pry them apart. I watched Baird’s Dad sock one of them in the jaw and grab his spouse by the front of their shirt. They kissed. And when the Constables pulled them apart and dragged him away, he was singing. Crying, bruised, but singing.  The two Constable’s holding his spouse threw them aside. They didn’t say anything but there was a promise for later. They’ll come back for them, Later. (ANOTHER SIGH) Baird and their step-parent are staying with my family tonight. We're going to figure something out tomorrow but… I don't think there's going to be much to figure out. My family is Baird’s family. His Mom was my Spare Mom. We can't afford another mouth. There's hardly enough work to go around… My Dearest Baird, if you're listening to this I'm sorry. I didn't want to upset you anymore than you already are. I wish Brahma was a free planet and I wish I could see you dancing and singing on stage, on a stream. It's where you belong. I want to raise you out of this mess and bring your Mom back. I'm so sorry, Baird.  (SNIFFLING)  SOUND: SCENE FADES, RECORDING ENDS.   SOUND: COMMS BEEPING, NEXT RECORDING STARTS.  Baird: I forgive you, Charlie. 

- The Revoluationary is named Baird, and Mm’arlie is Charlie (the one who later gave them the book. Side Note: I HAVE OBTAINED A COPY!! THANK YOU FRANNIE!!) The first recording is “two years after Baird’s Mom disappeared”, unclear when the second recording was made (possibly a day later?) Baird mentioned in the very first recording I heard a “mother who tucked her children into bed a final time” and a “husband who pressed a bruising kiss against his spouse's mouth”, this had to be in reference to their own parents. NEED TO PINPOINT ROUGH ESTIMATE OF AGES, CREATE TIMELINE OF EVENTS STARTING WITH PETER NUREYEV (Should I ask Frannie? She seems just as invested as I am but I’m not too certain when I’ll see her next.) Baird is the one singing in the other recording? His voice sounds… enchanting. Full of longing.

[s-ccaam-era-crepe]

thinking about brickwoods amusement park again. does anyone ever just think about them

[merrybloomwrites]

A Podcast Love Story

Summary: The story of Shayne & Y/N, as told through a series of podcasts

AN: This story was inspired by a request from someone that tumblr isn't letting me tag, so that's dumb lol

Also, I tried to follow the actual timeline of when these podcasts were posted but I did take some creative liberty, so some things might not match up with when the were really posted irl

Wordcount: 3.4K

CW: very light mention of smut, talk about pregnancy

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

SmoshCast #75 – How Shayne and Courtney Feel About Being Shipped Together

Dating someone who’s in the public eye was not entirely unexpected. You live in Los Angeles after all. When you and Shayne started dating in 2019 you decided to keep it a secret for a while. Neither of you were ready to share your relationship with the Smosh viewers yet.

This became more difficult when you decided to quarantine together in 2020 during the pandemic. Two weeks after he returned from Australia, when you were sure that neither of you had Covid, you packed your necessities and headed to Shayne’s. It was nice being together, but it did get complicated when he needed to film videos.

Sometimes you would go for a walk while he was filming. Other times you would hide in the other room. He’d triple check all his footage before submitting it to make sure you, and any of your belongings, weren’t in frame.

One day, a few months in, he and Courtney are recording an episode of the SmoshCast. He sets up at the small dining table in the corner of the living room. You’re on the couch, meaning you can’t be seen on the camera, but you are in Shayne’s view. It might not have been the smartest decision since you’re now stuck there for the entire time they record, but you have a book and a snack, so you get cozy.

You can only hear Shayne’s side of the conversation, so you’re not fully paying attention. That is, until you hear Shayne say, “If we so much as say hi to each other, Shartney fans poop themselves.” The mention of this ship between him and his castmate has you more focused on the conversation. Not because you’re jealous, because that would be ridiculous, but because all of you find it quite funny how hard the two of them are shipped.

He can’t stop looking over to you for the entire ten-minute segment. It’s subtle, but there’s definitely a connection between the two of you. It’s obvious that he’s reassuring you that there’s nothing to worry about. You especially like when he says, “You can ship me with anything. Ship me with bananas.” And you nearly lose it when he says, “I am begging you, please, make a ship edit of me and Kathy Bates.”

They continue to talk and the conversation steers towards how fans make assumptions based on what they see in videos. Shayne brings up how people were concerned about him for a few weeks at the beginning of quarantine. He starts to explain, “I was very quiet in those early podcasts, but the reason was, one, I was not getting enough sleep. I kept staying up late,” here he looks at you before quickly saying, “playing video games.” You again struggle to keep quiet, knowing that was not the truth. Unless “playing video games” has now become code for “having intimate moments with my girlfriend”.

He continues to talk about how his setup for recording was less than ideal and finishes by saying, “I wasn’t sad at all, I was actually having great days.” Again, you share a quick look, showing that you agree with him about how wonderful it’s been since you started living together.

They wrap up the podcast a little while later and Shayne is officially done with work for the day.

“Playing video games, huh?” you say teasingly.

“Oh yea, totally a pro gamer now,” he replies.

“You think so?” you say with a laugh.

“I mean, I could always use more practice,” he answers as he lifts you from the couch, carrying you to the bedroom.

SmoshCast #85 – American Horror Story: Adulting

A few months later and things are looking better in the world. This means a return to the office for everyone. You’d landed a job at Smosh, working in post-production, so now you and Shayne work together. You were nervous about being around each other all the time, but luckily there’s still a fair amount of the day when you’re apart. Shayne is often filming or in meetings or busy writing, and you spend most of the time at your desk working on the next video.

But sometimes, you get a break to see him. Shayne, Damien, and Coutney are filming a new SmoshCast episode, and you sneak in to watch from the back. The theme is “Adulting”, and they somehow start by talking about how they interact with the younger generation. You can’t help but smile as Shayne talks about his niece, endeared by the relationship he has with her. He also mentions grandchildren, which makes your imagination run away thinking about your future together.

You stay for a little while and just watch your boyfriend. He’s not saying anything crazy, or doing anything special, but you love listening to him give advice. You also love how attentive he is to his friends, how closely he listens to everything they say. When you do go back to your desk you take a moment to think about how lucky you are that this man, with a solid head on his shoulders and more emotional maturity than you’ve ever seen before, is your other half.

Smosh Mouth #5 – Shayne and Y/N Share Their Love Story

“Welcome back to Smosh Mouth, I’m Shayne.”

“And I’m Amanda.”

“And today we have a very special guest. We have my lovely wife, Y/N Topp,” Shayne says, smiling at you as he finished the introduction.

“Hello everyone,” you say into the microphone.

It’s weird being in front of the camera. It’s only happened a few times in the years that you’ve been with Shayne. Even though you also work at Smosh, you’re always behind the scenes. You’ve only really been in videos that highlight the crew, so the focus has rarely been on you.

But today you’re finally sitting down to do a podcast for the channel. They’d just revived the podcast after a nearly three-year hiatus.

So much has happened in your personal life since then. At the time that SmoshCast was airing, your relationship with Shayne was fairly new, and you weren’t ready to share it yet. Within a year of that last episode going live, you two had gotten engaged. This led to you guys getting married, and as of 22 weeks ago, you being pregnant with your first child.

“Well, I for one am very excited to have you here today,” Amanda says. “I cannot wait to grill you on every last detail of your relationship.” You all laugh at that, knowing that while you’re sharing more personal information than you ever have before, no one is going to push you or Shayne too much.

“So,” Amanda continues. “Tell me, how did you meet?”

You look to Shayne, encouraging him to start the story.

“We met in 2019,” he begins. “Someone had recommended a book to me, so I was at the library to pick it up. While I was looking through the shelf Y/N came over and started looking through the section as well. We kind of started at opposite ends and moved to meet in the middle. Turns out we were both looking for the same book.”

“No you were not!” Amanda interjects.

“We really were,” you say to confirm. “We basically have the most cliché meet-cute story.”

“Ya, no kidding! So, what happened next?” she asks.

“Well, I had picked up the book first and noticed Y/N glance at it. So we started talking and I told her she should take the book first and I’d read it when she’s done.”

“And then he very smoothly said he could give me his number so I could tell him when I was returning the book,” you add.

“Look at you,” Amanda says. “Making the bold moves.”

“I had to give it a try,” Shayne says with a laugh.

“And it worked. I texted him a couple weeks later, the day before I returned the book.”

“I didn’t have her number,” Shayne says. “And I was kicking myself for not getting it because waiting to hear from her was pretty torturous I’m not gonna lie. So as soon as she texted about the book I asked her on a date.”

“Which actually shocked me at first. I really though he only was interested in the book.”

“Did you know who he was?” Amanda asks. “Like, had you watched Smosh or seen him on TV before you met?”

“I did know who he was. I had just started watching Smosh, so I recognized him but really didn’t know much about him.”

“Did you start watching old videos and try to get to know more about him after you met? Or after he asked you out?”

“I tried not to. I wanted to get to know him naturally, not through videos online. But there was a video posted after he asked me out but before our date called ‘Why We’re Bad at Dating’ and I couldn’t resist. And I truly think it helped us hit it off on that first date.”

“How so?” Amanda inquires.

Shayne takes that question, saying, “In the episode I talked about what I do on dates that kind of lead to there not being a second date. And Y/N/N called me out on that.”

You chime in, adding, “He said he puts on a ‘CW’ version of himself. I told him not to do that. And I admitted to being just as anxious about the date as he was so we should just forget the pressure and hang out and get to know each other.”

“Well, that’s adorable,” Amanda says. “So obviously you started dating and kept dating. When did you take the next step?”

Shayne takes this question and says, “I asked her to be my girlfriend a couple months later. And then we moved in together shortly after the start of the pandemic. Which was slightly challenging when it came to filming at home for Smosh since we wanted to keep the relationship a secret for a while.”

“Yea, how in the world did you make that work?”

“We were very, very careful,” you say. “I definitely hid in the bathroom more than once to stay out of frame.” At this you all laugh, and you add, “Totally worth it, though.”

“Ok, next juicy question. Shayne, how did you propose?”

“So, I hired a sky writer,” he says before laughing and continuing, “No, just kidding. We’d been dating for a year and a half, living together for almost a year at the time. We rented a cabin in Colorado for a few days and on the second day we went on a hike. Packed a picnic, did the whole thing. And I uh, I proposed at the top of the mountain.”

“You guys are literally a romcom,” Amanda quips.

“Would a romcom do a hike proposal? I feel like they’re always at fancy restaurant or the beach. Or like, yelling ‘Will you marry me?’ As the girl walks away down a street in the pouring rain,” you say.

“Oh, a hike proposal is very Lifetime or Hallmark.”

“Good point, it’s totally been in at least one of those movies.”

“Did you like that it was on a hike?” Amanda asks.

“Yea, Y/N/N, did you like it?” Shayne says, pretending to be truly concerned and worried about your answer.

“Hated it,” you say jokingly. “No, honestly, I loved it. Shayne and I always bonded over how much we love nature, so it was perfect for us. I can’t imagine it being any other way. I know a lot of girls want to make sure their nails are done so they get that perfect ring picture, which totally fine, not judging at all. But it definitely felt right that I literally had dirt under my nails and scrapes on my palms from slipping up the hill. Much more authentic that way.”

“And the wedding, anything you want to share about it?” Amanda asks.

“We actually got married in New Mexico,” you say. “It was the central spot for both our families. It was last April, so, beautiful weather during the day. And we lucked out that the temperature didn’t drop too much at night.”

“Very nice,” Amanda replies. “Shayne, anything to add?”

“We kept it pretty small, just family, and close friends. I feel like it was a very typical wedding, but it was ours, you know? So, it was special.” Shayne blushes and you know that your wedding day means more to him than he’s letting on. And that’s fine with you. It was a private event, and even though you’re sharing your relationship now, neither of you want to give away too much about your wedding.

“Aw, he’s getting red,” Amanda jokes. “Did you go on a honeymoon?”

“We did. We went to Hawaii. Neither of us had been before so we knew it would be special for us. We wanted to experience something new together,” you answer.

“Cute!” she replies. “Now, dedicated fans know you guys are together, know you’re married and all that. But there is some news you two have to share that no one knows, is that correct?”

“That’s right,” Shayne says. He looks at you, silently asking if you want to say it. But you can tell he’s bursting to tell everyone, so you give him a nod to continue.

“Y/N and I are having a baby,” he says.

“Hell yea you are! Smosh baby!” Amanda cheers. “Congratulations to you both! Y/N, how are you feeling?”

“Pretty good right now. I’m in the second trimester so my morning sickness is mostly gone, thank god. We’re very excited, got some classes we’re planning to take and we’re reading all the books so I’m sure we will still be extremely unprepared,” you say with a laugh.

“If there’s anyone I trust to figure it out and be great parents, it’s the two of you,” Amanda replies earnestly.

“Thank you, Amanda,” Shayne says.

The podcast continues with Amanda continuing to ask questions and you and Shayne sharing more stories about your time together.

You wrap up recording by mid-afternoon. You have an appointment with your doctor scheduled and since it’s so close to the end of the day, Shayne was also given time off to join you. Everything goes well and as he drives you both home you can’t help but be grateful that the two of you were brought together.

Smosh Reads Reddit Stories: Office Nightmares

It’s been a month and a half since recording your episode of SmoshMouth, and three weeks since it aired. The news that you and Shayne are expecting a baby spread faster than anything you’d experienced before. You’d both received messages of congratulations from more people than you had ever expected: from Smosh fans to Disney fans, and even Goldbergs fans. You never imagined the amount of support you’d receive.

You had the morning off for yet another checkup with your doctor. You get back to the office early, but technically you’re still scheduled to be off, so you opt to sit in as they record the next Reddit Story video/podcast. It’s one of your favorite series currently, and you love listening to Shayne read all the stories.

He begins the third story, reading the title, “Am I the asshole for telling my wife that I’m not taking off of work to be present at our daughters’ birth?”

They joke around for a bit, and then he dives into the story, reading how the man explains that he couldn’t take off work cause there’s a project and they need him there. The wife finds out that’s a lie, and it mad that he didn’t take time off. He says he wants to work more so they’d have more money after the birth, and that the baby wouldn’t even remember him being there. He finishes by saying he doesn’t know why it’s such a big deal to be there at the birth, and even blames the wife’s hormones for her being upset about it.

Shayne, along with Spencer and Tommy begin to share their thoughts on the story. You smile and nod as Shayne makes the point of, “He keeps saying the baby’s not gonna remember, but you’re fucking wife will!”

They even give reasons why they’d understand him not being there, with Tommy saying, “If they were really desperate for cash then I’d get it,” and Spencer saying he’d understand if he were terrified of being around childbirth.

The boys then look over to you and Spencer says, “Y/N, you’re pregnant, how do you feel about this story?”

“Yea,” Tommy adds, “would you kill Shayne if he did this?”

“Oh, for sure!” you call out.

“C’mere,” Shayne says. “You’re probably the one most qualified to give an opinion here.”

You look to Kiana who’s directing the video and she gives you a nod, so you walk onto the set and stand behind Shayne, leaning down so your face is next to his and your voice will get picked up on his microphone.

“What are you’re thoughts on this?” Tommy asks.

“You guys definitely made a lot of great points. I mean, childbirth is terrifying, and I keep trying to ignore the fact that I do have to actually, you know, birth a human. But I know that Shayne will be there and is studying to be the best support person. I mean, he’s read enough books about it, I think he could deliver the baby himself if necessary,” you say with a laugh.

“I will add, if this was the father of my child, I’d wonder what he actually deems important. Because this is arguably one of the biggest days of everyone’s life. First of all, it should be important to him. It’s literally his child entering the world. It’s a privilege to be one of the first people that baby will ever meet. And then, what will be a big enough deal for him to take off work in the future? Baby’s not gonna remember her first birthday, is he gonna go to that? She has a dance recital at three years old, is he going to think that’s silly and not go?”

“Oh, I didn’t think of that, but it makes sense,” Spencer replies. “He definitely seems to have his priorities and being there for his family isn’t one.”

“I truly cannot imagine not being there when our kid is born,” Shayne says. “My worst fear would be if something kept me from being there.”

“Because you’re a good person,” Tommy says bluntly, and everyone laughs.

You head back off camera as they continue on.

After a few more stories Shayne begins another entry, titled, “And I the asshole for eating the last doughnut before my pregnant coworker could have one?” He looks at you once he reads it and laughs before saying, “Y/N’s face says, yes absolutely you are.”

He reads the story which explains that the young employee ate his allotted two doughnuts, and when the pregnant coworker didn’t show up after half an hour, he ate her two as well. She gets there shortly after and explains she had car trouble and is upset to see everyone had a treat but didn’t save her any. Later, the boss pulls aside the employee to tell him he’d been rude to his coworker.

After he finishes the post the boys discuss the etiquette of eating communal snacks in the office before Shayne says, “Also, if there is one thing I know, it’s that you never mess with a pregnant woman’s food unless you want to die.” You laugh so loudly at this that you know for sure the mics picked it up from across the room.

“Y/N, anything to add?” Spencer says.

You walk over again and state, “Listen, all I’m say is that I’m mad you guys are just talking about doughnuts when we don’t have any. Cause cravings are a bitch and now I am literally not going to stop thinking about doughnuts until I get one.”

After moving offscreen you realize you need to pee, again, so you leave the studio to head to the bathroom. Once you’re out of the room Shayne says, “Hey Kiana, can I have my phone a second?”

“Why do you need your phone?” Spencer asks.

“I gotta doordash some doughnuts.”

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AN: Thanks for reading! Let me know if you have any requests for Shayne stories!

Taglist: @american-girl001 @tatumrileyslover @queenofcaradelle @1nkm0nster

[nigtmarcz]

⎯⎯ Love Me Not

hamzah x reader

based off the song love me not by ravyn lenae

summary: hamzah has been neglecting his girlfriend y/n due to his busy work schedule. y/n feels invisible and frustrated by his lack of attention.

warnings: sad???

wc: 1.9k

a/n: hello! this is my first time writing, so I’m sorry if it sucks lol. i was listening to this song and thought it would make a great plot for a story! hope you enjoy it! :3

-

The glow of the computer screen cast soft shadows across Hamzah’s face as he sat hunched over his desk. The air in his room was quiet except for the faint sound of his fingers tapping rhythmically on the keyboard. The newest Slushy Noobz video was almost done—just a few finishing touches before it would be uploaded for their fans who eagerly awaited their next upload.

But tonight, Hamzah wasn’t entirely focused.

His thoughts kept wandering to y/n, his girlfriend. She’d been on his mind constantly lately—more so than usual.

He hadn’t seen her much over the past few weeks. They were both content creators, each with their own projects, and while it was something they’d always been able to juggle in the past, recently it had begun to feel like the space between them was growing. She was in the living room, editing her own content, while he was buried in the latest Slushy Noobz video.

It wasn’t that he didn’t want to be with her, but he found himself getting swept up in the grind, constantly chasing the next big upload, the next milestone for his and Martin’s podcast, Out of Character. There was always something to do, something to edit, something to record.

But now, the silence between them seemed louder than ever. They hadn’t fought—at least, not in the usual way—but something unspoken lingered. Something that neither of them had fully addressed. And it was starting to feel like a weight pressing against his chest.

He glanced at his phone. y/n had sent him a message hours ago, but he hadn’t replied. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to, but everything had felt off.

Her text simply read: We need to talk soon.

The simple words made his heart sink. He knew exactly what she meant. She was frustrated. And he had been too distracted to notice.

With a deep breath, he closed his laptop, pushing the editing software aside. It felt like a relief to step away, but his heart ached with the nagging thought of the distance between them. He stood up, walking into the living room where y/n sat, bathed in the soft glow of her screen.

She looked up when he entered, and for a moment, neither of them said anything.

Hamzah opened his mouth to speak, but before he could, y/n stood up, her arms crossed. She looked tired, not just physically, but emotionally. He had seen that look before—the quiet frustration that came from being overlooked, from being too far down the list of priorities.

“I’m sorry, y/n,” he said, his voice quiet. “I know I’ve been distant. I’ve been caught up in work, and I didn’t realize how much it was affecting us.”

y/n gave a small, sad smile, but there was no warmth behind it. “I get it, Hamzah. You’re busy. But we haven’t really talked in weeks. I’ve been here, just waiting for you to notice, but it feels like I’m invisible.” Her voice broke on the last word, but she quickly swallowed the emotion, not wanting to show him too much.

“y/n…” Hamzah stepped forward, but she backed away slightly, a flicker of something in her eyes that he couldn’t quite understand.

“You don’t even see it, do you?” she asked softly, almost as if talking to herself. “I’m right here, all the time, and yet it feels like you’re living in another world—one where I don’t exist. Where it’s just you and the next video and the next podcast.”

He could feel the sting of her words, and he hated the way they made him feel like he was failing her.

“I don’t want you to feel that way,” Hamzah said, his voice barely a whisper now. “I don’t mean to make you feel invisible. I just… I don’t know how to slow down sometimes. There’s so much going on, and I get lost in it. But I never meant for you to feel left out.”

y/n shook her head slowly. “It’s not that you’re busy, Hamzah. I get it, I really do. It’s just that I don’t know where I fit in anymore. I’m here, and I care, but I’m starting to wonder if we’re even in the same place anymore.”

His chest tightened as the weight of her words sank in. He wasn’t sure what to say, how to fix it. He hadn’t been paying attention to what mattered most.

“I don’t need you to change everything, Hamzah,” she continued, her voice soft but firm. “I just want to matter to you. I want to be something real, not just an afterthought that comes second to everything else.”

“I do care about you,” Hamzah replied quickly, his heart racing. “I do, y/n. It’s just… it’s hard to balance it all. I don’t want to lose you.”

For a long moment, y/n stayed quiet, her gaze on the floor, her fingers lightly tapping on the edge of her laptop.

Finally, she looked up at him, her eyes heavy with a mix of pain and longing. “You say you don’t want to lose me, but you’ve been losing me slowly for weeks. I don’t know if you see it, but I miss you, Hamzah. I miss you, but I don’t need you. I miss the way we were before this whole thing took over. I miss you, come here.”

The words hit him harder than any criticism he’d received. The truth of it all hung in the air, like a silence that neither of them knew how to break.

“I’m sorry,” he said, his voice cracking just a little. “I miss you, too. But I don’t know how to fix this... I don’t want to keep failing us.”

y/n closed her eyes for a moment, taking a slow breath. When she opened them again, there was something softer in her gaze, something that felt like a mixture of hope and resignation. “Maybe we just need to find our way back. I don’t know, Hamzah. But I can’t keep doing this. I can’t keep waiting for you to realize I’m here.”

Her words lingered in the air like a shadow between them, a painful truth neither of them could ignore. Without another word, y/n was gone. The door clicked shut behind her, and the silence that followed was suffocating. The house felt colder now, emptier, as if her absence had seeped into the walls, leaving Hamzah alone with the weight of everything unsaid.

-

Hours later, as the quiet of the night settled in, Hamzah sat in front of his desk again. His video was still unfinished, but for the first time, the video felt less important than the empty space beside him. y/n was gone now, her absence heavier than any argument they could have had. The silence in the house was suffocating, and the stillness in the air made his thoughts spin.

He stared at his screen, but the words from their earlier conversation kept replaying in his mind: I miss you, but I don’t need you, Hamzah. I miss you, come here. Those words hadn’t just been a declaration of longing—they had been a quiet assertion of independence, a signal that y/n was done waiting for him to notice.

Hamzah rubbed his temples, feeling the weight of what she’d said. She didn’t need him anymore, no matter how much she still missed him. The space between them wasn’t just physical anymore; it was emotional, deep, and unspoken. He realized she had given him a choice—one he hadn’t fully understood until now.

He reached for his phone, hesitated for a moment, then typed a message to her: “I don’t know what I’m doing, but I don’t want to lose you. Can we talk tomorrow?”

He hit send and waited. The seconds dragged on, stretching into what felt like hours, but no response came.

A moment later, the familiar vibration of a reply lit up his phone. He quickly unlocked it, hoping for some kind of resolution. But when he saw her message, a heavy weight sank into his chest.

“Okay.”

The words were short, almost distant. There was no warmth, no eagerness to reconnect. Just a quiet acceptance. 

-

They sat on opposite ends of the couch, the space between them more suffocating than any physical distance. y/n’s voice was calm, but there was a sharpness to her words that cut through the silence.

“I miss you, Hamzah,” she started, her gaze never leaving the floor. “I miss how we used to be, but I can’t keep pretending that things will go back to the way they were. I’m tired of waiting for you to notice me, for you to put me first. I need to move on, for my own sake.”

Hamzah opened his mouth, but the words stuck in his throat. He wanted to apologize, to say he could change, but deep down, he knew it wouldn’t be enough. He knew that something had already shifted between them, something that couldn’t be undone with words.

y/n continued, her voice steady despite the ache in it. “I’ve tried, Hamzah. I’ve tried to make this work, but it’s like I’m invisible to you. I’m right here, and you’re always so caught up in your work. I miss you, but I don’t need you anymore.”

Her words hit him like a punch to the gut. The weight of them sank deep, and he realized that she wasn’t just saying goodbye—she was choosing herself. Choosing independence over the emotional attachment that had once connected them.

“I think... I think it’s time we both move forward,” y/n said, her voice quieter now, but firm. “I can’t keep waiting for something that might never come. You’re not the only one with dreams and goals, Hamzah. I’ve got my own life to live, and I can’t keep holding on to something that isn’t there anymore.”

A silence stretched between them, thick with unspoken words and feelings neither of them could fully articulate. Hamzah wanted to reach out, to say anything that might change her mind, but he could see it in her eyes: she had made her decision.

She was already gone.

Later that night, after y/n had left for good, Hamzah sat alone in the empty house. The space felt colder than it had before, as if her absence had stolen the warmth from the walls. He sat in front of his desk, staring at the finished video, but all he could feel was the heavy silence that had taken her place.

The message he had sent her earlier echoed in his mind—I don’t want to lose you. But as he replayed their conversation over and over, he realized that he had already lost her. He had lost her to the space he had failed to notice, to the time he had neglected, and to the love he had taken for granted.

The realization stung more than he expected. He missed her too, more than words could say. But as much as he longed for things to be different, he couldn’t deny the truth: she was better off without him, seeking her own path, her own independence.

Hamzah leaned back in his chair, eyes closed, feeling the weight of everything she had said. He missed her. But more than that, he understood why she had to go. The ache in his chest reminded him that sometimes, love wasn’t enough to hold two people together.

And for y/n, it had been time to let go.

[yuinovi]

IT'S TIME TO ART DUMP

(Mostly some old gg art, mostly Bedsibs the usual)

still working on this one, winter is coming! soo what's better than drawing your faves in some comfortable clothes.

also who knew watching wacky sh*t makes you draw good stuff? (jk)

ah yes my first time drawing the bedsibs, pretty fond of this one

I was kind of afraid to look back to this one because I drew like 4 months ago lol.

so I found out about Guilty gear the same time I was playing Inscryption (one of the best indie games I played seriously) and I.... had more fun than I should have with the Geck meme

( I couldn't just Not do it) frick these jokes I regret this...

Think this was my second time drawing the bedsibs

This is f*cking stupid moving on-

Drew this using the lasso tool (named this file delilasso and romeolasso for some reason) It looks really good!

dunno what to say about this one just some chibi art.

I literally don't know much about Jam, love her weird hair tho, Also circle (didn't know how to draw bed at that time, still don't)

ohhh this is my first time drawing Delilah! she looks so weird, but I think it's a good first attempt. (don't mind my handwriting-wait why did I write it tho..eh whatever)

I can't say it's a good one, not bad either but does it matter? it's art dumping time ya know. I'll edit it some time. (they look weird, can't help but think it isn't that good)

I know I posted this last week, but I made a No Background version cuz that background that I drew was pretty basic ngl

yeah enough of bedsibs rn It's Millia time! (her design is so cool)

this is my first time drawing Millia! oh wait I didn't draw Millia a second time... yeah I gotta draw her some other time

GUYS IT'S FANNY TIME WOOOOOO

After watching the:- "Talk to me about podcast" the Fanny episode

I just could not stop drawing Fanny everywhere mostly in my sketchbooks and School books, just any place that's drawable

thanks manzisme I now love Fanny.

oh I also just watched the daryl episode I now like him, I might draw him some other time (after I finish Xrd because ohh boi is it long and I also have strive...help)

Also everyone should draw Fanny at least one time, I need it

Well I sure do hope you enjoy my art and rambling and thanks!

[pearl-likes-pi]

i honestly dont know hoe to say this, but you really had a hand in shaping my brai chemistry while i was growing up, no kidding. i remember when i was 13 or so and whenever you posted a pearl rap career chapter it would unironicaly make my day (specially when you dropped the peridot chapter i had a stomach infection or smth, so that video and the last one out of beach city episode were on replay for me for a few days). its really weird seeing that rebecca managed to make a safe space for lgbt folks (it was really hard for me to accept myself as gay, it seems really simple nowadays but back then it was so discomforting to even thinm about it so su and its fandom, and by some extent, your vids, helped me externalize some feelings or queernes i guess, do you remeber when someone said your video editing was raw and masculine? lol). anyways, its wild to think i was in 5th grade when i first watched laser light canon and now im finishing my journalism course in college and seeing how this show raised me in some way and helped me to be aware of my own mental health i only have good memories, thankfully, and its really sad to see that it ended, but i honestly wouldnt have had it any other way. its kind of a long rant but id like to thank you, mackenzie, your videos made me laugh a lot when i was a teen and they still make me now. this show was truly a gift, it made us connect to something bigger and magical. this was kind of a long rant since ive kinda forgotten that su existed and remined that it existed because of some dreams lol. i remembered back then when i was super anxious about the cluster episode, i remeber checking your tumblr everyday and seeing fanon content. i really dont know how to express myself since english is not my first language and i tend to ramble on a lot on my native one, but id like to say youve made me smile a lot, it was so cool seeing you present the su podcast and being an intern at CN. i honestly wish you the best.

Dude it means so much to hear that my lil shitposts have had an impact on people!!!! I completely understand where youre coming from re: SU's impact on your life (and acceptance of queer identity) and feel the same way!!! im so grateful for this show and everything it represents. in a world without Steven Universe my current life would be completely unrecognizable. like genuinely I dont think any single aspect of my life would be the way it is without SU. which is nuts but it's true!!!

I love engaging with this community and it gave me a lot of support when I was at a place in my life where I felt pretty isolated. I'm kind of rambling now too but this seriously has been sitting in my inbox for a bit now and I just knew i needed to respond and say thank you for sharing. <3

ALSO LMAO I FORGOT ABT THE RAW AND MASCULINE COMMENT THANK YOU FOR REMINDING ME HAHA

[spaceyjessa]

hi! it's been a lot of fun booping back and forth! i'm excited for the podcast!

since we're fairly new mutuals, I'd love to ask you a few q's if you don't mind :D

When do you plan to release the first ep of Clones & Coffee? Or is it already out?

Did you paint the banner on your Tumblr page (the hands). It's really beautiful and I wondered if there was a story behind it!

It is so exciting to me that you're looking forward to the podcast!!! Me and Nova are both so excited but so nervous! We haven't done anything like this before so I hope you enjoy it <3

We're planning on releasing the first one Nov 7th! We've finished recording and are editing and setting up now! The first set of episodes will be following Fives through his episode appearances! We both are clone obsessed and Fives is such an important TCW character, we're having so much fun setting this up. Also we'll be sharing the episode links on tumblr once its up.

I wish I had that kind of painting ability! I'm still super new artistically, I'm much more experienced as a writer. I found the hands on pinterest and loved them because they reminded me of Han and Leia <3 I have so many ships lol Thanks for the ask~! I've had fun booping too!

[biisexualemma]

haunted pt.6. bucky barnes

word count: 1.6k

requested: yes sorry it's been literal years

warnings: alludes to abuse / violence, nightmares, trauma, ptsd

plot: you relive your trauma in your dreams... bucky is there with you

a/n: sorry i just poofed into thin air, i've just been busy and neglected this and just haven't really been writing at all. but i revisited recently and saw someone request more of this series which is so lovely-- anyway, i knew i had a few more parts already written out for this series that i just never finished / edited. so here i am, editing them and trying to stop starting series that i never finish lol (sorry)! anyway, i hope you enjoy, this is very angsty and it remains that way for a while now sorrrrryyy but it's good i swear hehe

part 1 / part 2 / part 3 / part 4 / part 5 / part 7 / masterlist

you lay unconscious, deep in sleep but your body, unbeknownst to your mind, was reacting physically to every scenario you encountered in your dreams.

your fingertips twitching as you typed in the code on the computer, your breaths growing short and uneven as you hit one too many failed passcode attempts, sweat lining your brow as you tried again and again, the sirens blaring all around you, overwhelming your senses. 

"shit, shit, shit,"

you muttered under your breath, the code wasn't working. that fucker had fed you false information. in a split second of rage you picked up the keyboard and slammed it down on the desk, watching it shatter in front of you. "fuck!" you panted, head in hands when you realised what came next. you were stuck after attempting to escape. they would get to you eventually and it would be bad when they did. you had been traumatised over much lesser crimes before. 

tears began to fill your eyes, your fingers curled and you repeatedly slammed a fist against your forehead. the sirens piercing your eardrums, seeming to grow louder the longer they rang. "think, think," you sniffled, "fuck— think."

your cheeks were wet now, your hands balled into fists, arms twitching and your lips muttering incoherent whispers. unbeknownst to your body or your mind, the super soldier in the room next over to yours was wide awake, unable to sleep for fear of his own demons. 

you had nothing, no way of getting out. you were stuck. you pushed yourself away from the desk, the swivel chair rolling backwards until it hit something and came to halt. in a second you felt your blood run cold, your jaw tightened, you held your breath in dread of what was to come. of who stood behind you.

your eyebrows knitted together, a small, sharp line forming in between your brows. you knew what you were in for and your body recoiled at the thought. you didn't want to show any weakness, you kept your lips tightly sealed, despite the slight quiver you felt.

"nice try, agent," goosebumps prickled your neck and down your shoulders, feeling his breath ghost your bare skin, hearing the depth of his voice made your stomach knot.

before you could even beg for any kind of mercy, a large, heavy hand was clamped around your mouth, second arm wrapped across your chest, gripping your shoulders forcefully. "i don't want to hear the excuses, agent," you let out a sob you'd been holding in when another agent grabbed your legs, another grabbing your torso as you were lifted up and dragged backwards out of the chair you sat in.

you thrashed your limbs as hard as you could manage but you were outnumbered and overpowered. your eyes were stinging at this point, burning and blurring your vision as you screamed mercilessly.

he pulled out one of his headphones when he heard a thud, the podcast that had been playing, paused and he listened carefully. he waited a minute or so, nothing but silence, and just as he was about to pop the headphone back in his ear he heard it again. he jolted upright this time, it had come from your room. he pulled the covers off himself, eyebrows knitted as he listened intently, slipping his socks on as he waited for another sign. last thing he wanted to do was barge in on you unannounced and interrupt anything. you had done nothing but complain about your lack of privacy while you'd been staying here, so he didn't want to overstep.

but then he heard a sob, followed by muffled shouts and he was quick to leave his room and all of a sudden he was outside your door. he went to open the door, knowing it'd be unlocked (you hadn't been trusted with locks yet) but hesitated, he knew this was such an invasion of privacy. he thought about the countless times he'd dealt with the same thing, he thought about how he'd feel if the roles were reversed.

then came a blood curdling scream and he didn't hesitate to let himself in. he entered, the light from the hallway lit up your bed where you were now sat bolt upright. your eyes open wide, bloodshot, soaked with tears but unresponsive, he knew you were still asleep despite your body thrashing around. you were fighting with your bed sheets, sobbing, heaving and shouting incoherently.

he took a split second to react, in a daze as he witnessed you in a state he'd never expected from you but one that he knew well. he closed the door over, to avoid disturbing anyone else on the floor, but thankfully the rest of the team were pretty spread out.

he perched himself on the edge of your bed, trying to approach with caution so not to cause you anymore distress. "y/n," he spoke clearly, carefully reaching over you and pulling back the bed sheets to free you from their restraints, and cool you down. he noticed the lamp, usually sat beside your bed, was now broken on the floor, next to your book and a few other strewn items.

"y/n," he repeated louder this time, trying to bring you back and snap you out of your daze. your movements were slowing down, becoming weaker, your body fell back against the mattress with a heavy thud, which seemed to be enough to jolt you awake. you rolled onto your side immediately, your body jerking as you sobbed into your pillow, unaware of his presence at first until he spoke again. 

"hey," he mumbled, quiet so not to spook you. you were in such a state, you didn't react much, only looked up at him with heavy, sunken, wet eyes. you hiccuped, your breathing uneven and your body curled into somewhat of a cocoon with your arms wrapped around yourself. "it's ok," he whispered, trying to appear calm even though the lump in his throat was nearly choking him. "you're ok," he repeated, giving you a gentle nod.

your eyebrows furrowed upwards again, a pained expression returning to your features after the brief moment of peace you felt from seeing him next to you was plagued by the memories of your past.

"you're good, you're safe," was all he could think to say, to offer reassurance. he knew too well how disorienting it was to wake up from a nightmare like that, especially in unfamiliar surroundings. you had nothing familiar to offer comfort, other than bucky. 

you nodded your head, coming around enough to know what was real and what wasn't, but images continued to flash in your mind. you used the palms of your hands to apply pressure to your eyelids, jaw clenched tight as you tried to suppress another cry. you just needed to ride it out.

"you want me to give you some space—?" he leaned closer, trying to catch some kind of reaction out of you but there was none. bucky figured he'd give you a few minutes to put yourself together again, while he fetched you a bowl of cereal. 

he halted, half sitting, half standing on his way out when he felt your hand grab his. the metal was cool against your hand, soothing your burning skin as you pulled him back to his seat. your arms hugged onto his hand with a fierce grip.

your guard was down and he was careful about how he went about this, he didn't want to lose what little trust he had with you at this point. he'd only caught a glimpse of you like this, weeks ago and since you had been seriously on your guard. he didn't want a repeat of that.

"i can stay," he muttered. "'m' not doing anythin'— my podcast can wait."

he made sure to get himself comfortable, he had no idea how long you intended for him to stay but he would be here as long as you needed. he carefully slumped off the side of the bed, sitting himself on the floor, never letting his arm (the one you were now cradling in your arms) move an inch so as not to disturb you.

you watched him move around you with care and concern, you felt more at ease with him next to you. you knew he understood.

you looked visibly calmer, your breathing was lighter, hiccups less frequent, eyelashes still wet but your eyelids drooped every fews seconds, your cheeks flushed red. the calm after the storm— he could see it in your face. your hair was messy, you blew out a puff of air when a stray piece of hair kept falling across your face.

he wore a very small, almost non-existent smile watching your failed efforts, his free hand reaching out without thinking to brush the hair out of your face. realising what he'd done, his lips straightened out and his hand froze in place.

he opened his mouth to apologise but you cut him off, you gave a small shake of your head. "it's ok," your voice was quiet, the words came out almost as a croak. "promise," you reassured him.

he nodded stiffly, but to be safe he rested his palm back on his lap, flesh hands to himself. he watched your eyelids grow closer and closer to closing, unable to fight the tire taking over your body again.

you gripped his hand tighter, a small line forming between your brows again as your eyes neared close. "please don't go," you mumbled, your lips grazing the metal palm of his hand as you spoke.

"go to sleep," he whispered back to you, watching your lips part slightly, deep breaths following as you slipped off into a sleep. he gave your hand a gentle squeeze of reassurance. "i'm not going anywhere."

you woke up late the next morning with your arm dangling over the side of the bed. when you peered over the edge you saw bucky laying on the floor beside your bed, his arm outstretched, hand still locked with yours.

tag list: @caillouthebabywitch @alanis-altair @the-obelisk @seabass17 @bqnners @jihyunncho @inpraizeof @angelpirabbit @the-chocoholic-writer @cjand10 @paintlavillered @leviathanspain @luckyzipperscissorsbat

[mochademic]

100 Days of Productivity [Day: 83] || 100 Jours de Productivité [Jour: 83]

this was my first year doing documentation for a company audit. I've never done this kind of stuff before but I'm exhausted. you don't really realize how hard back-tracking is when it's from before you started working there. that being said, everything went well, we've been cleared, & no one is getting fired or taken to court for fraud lol.

my sweet mum also sent me a care package & in it sent me some of my favourite bottled/canned coffee drinks. this made my cry so hard for some reason. though I love it here, I still struggle with missing home.

academic work:

-finish unit 1.2 - 1.4 of independent course -listen to podcasts in slow french -re-write course notes [focus on accents] -start comparison notes between different French varieties [ie. Cajun, Belgian, Canadian, Swiss etc.]

freelance work:

-make ivory paper -start putting together round-back book for binding -take books out of press & cut signatures for new ones

office work:

-enter payroll -start data sheet for last month's write-offs -edit spreadsheets -answer all emails

currently listening // Two Lives by MARION

C'était ma première année de documentation pour un audit d'entreprise. Je n'avais jamais fait ce genre de choses auparavant, mais je suis épuisée. on ne se rend pas vraiment compte à quel point il est difficile de rassembler des informations lorsqu'elles datent de plusieurs années avant que l'on ne commence à travailler dans une entreprise. cela dit, tout s'est bien passé, nous avons été blanchis, et personne n'a été licencié ou poursuivi en justice pour fraude lol.

ma douce maman m'a également envoyé un colis et, dans celui-ci, quelques-unes de mes boissons au café préférées en bouteille ou en boîte. cela m'a fait pleurer très fort pour une raison ou une autre. bien que j'aime être ici, j'ai toujours du mal à m'ennuyer de chez moi.

travail académique :

-Finir l'unité 1.2 - 1.4 du cours indépendant. -écouter des podcasts en français lent -réécrire les notes de cours [accent sur les accents] -commencer les notes de comparaison entre les différents français -commencer les notes de comparaison entre les différentes variétés de français (cajun, belge, canadien, suisse, etc.).

travail en freelance :

-faire du papier ivoire -commencer à assembler un livre à dos rond pour la reliure -retirer les livres de la presse et découper les signatures pour de nouveaux livres

travail de bureau :

-saisir les salaires -commencer la feuille de données pour les amortissements du mois dernier - éditer les feuilles de calcul -répondre à tous les courriels

chanson // Two Lives par MARION

[will80sbyers]

The way I have 3 video edits ideas already started, podfics recorded but I have to edit them, never to be finished podcast episode about Mike, the social media AU date half planned out but I have to actually sit down and do the things I want to do (secrets🤫), I'm "studying" like 5 languages, I have 20+ books started to continue, indefinite number of fanfictions started that I have to finish reading, 3 fanfictions I was writing that I will never post, indefinite and infinite number of TV shows I need to finish and movies I wanted to start, external hard drive full of GIFs I made but never posted and 15 gifsets ideas I wanted to make, a puzzle to finish, DIY mini house to finish + irl things I don't want to talk about to anyone because every time I do before it happens it goes badly lol (some of y'all are cursing me clearly) and then there's probably something else I don't remember now... anyway all of this to say that I hate my brain and I wish I could start a project and finish it one at a time

Visual representation of my brain:

[mayasdeluca]

I love Stefania but I have no interest in watching/listening that podcast. Any chance you’ll do a recap of the highlights?

Sure...I just finished watching so this is what I took from it:

Says that it’s starting to sink in that it’s the series finale but also feels like they’re on hiatus and that when they’re supposed to go back in July that’s when it will probably really sink in.

They were supposed to film this podcast episode while they were still filming the finale but it was too hectic with them filming overnights and such. 

After long days of interacting with people all day long she needs time to just be alone and recharge/watches Friends to wind down. 

Stefania eats a lot of sweets on set (chocolate donuts) and then they started talking about broccoli for like 5 minutes because Stefania said she loves to eat broccoli and kale and healthier things when she travels because she’s eating all the sweet stuff on set lol

She said she’s not a good cook and didn’t inherit a cooking gene and only does it out of necessity.

Talks about transitioning from dance to acting and says that one day she just felt she was done and she loved dance, it was a great relationship but she’s ready to move on. 

She started dancing when she was six because there was this drawing competition in school and the winner got free dancing lessons for a year and she drew a ballerina and won. Did ballet first but was bored and picked it up years later and did more modern jazz type dance. 

A good portion is then spent of Gaby and Stefania speaking in italian because Gaby lived there for a while. They start to talk about an Italian tv show. 

Jaina and Gaby pointed out that Stefania looks so comfortable speaking in Italian and so herself but Stefania said when she’s acting in Italian, she’s not comfortable and prefers to act speaking English because she has an accent with every language she speaks and she has a different inflection now when speaking Italian while acting. 

North Africa is somewhere she wants to check off on her bucket list.

She prefers the grainy look to film/tv/photo and doesn’t like HD. Film makes it more poetic, dreamy, special. 

Her digital camera she carries around is from the 90’s so the quality isn’t as sharp as pictures are today. 

She talked about her episode that she directed and a lot of her ideas went hand in hand with the script like the scene where everybody was angry and so they then slammed the doors and create the rhythm to create more drama. 

She talked about Zita Sempri and the meaning of ‘always a girlfriend, never a wife’ and how her mom taught her to always keep the freshness of when you’re first dating someone and to never give up your dreams/prioritize others before your own like women tend to do especially once getting into a marriage and that's something especially known for women to do in Sicily.

She says Jeff is super sweet with humans but loves to be the alpha with other dogs and gets aggressive and shows dominance when it comes to her stuff: food, treats, etc. 

Biggest fears: losing loved ones, losing her health/getting injured. Then talks about how she booked Grey’s two days after she was in acting class crying about her accent thinking it was too limited and she wouldn’t get a juicy role. And the minute they got told Station 19 was cancelled, all the fears she had about her accent came back that she will never book a role again.  (ABC count your days for this)

They talk about the difference in fashion/style in Italy compared to the US and Stefania says she has a different closet for clothes she wears in Italy and it’s much more structured/fancy as opposed to when she’s in LA wearing t-shirt/jeans.

They talked about how social media makes everything feel more aware and rigid and like there’s a filter and you have to be careful what you post not to upset anyone and constantly have to edit and you’re less free, authentic, less yourself. 

Stuck on an island and you could have three things: pizza, Jeff, something to drink (she mentioned bringing a water fountain lol)

Something people don’t know about her: she’s shy/reserved. It takes a while for her to open up to someone but once she does she’s more outgoing. She feels like a burden when opening up to someone so she has to make sure it will be well received/feels comfortable doing so.

What she’ll miss the most from Station 19: the people - cast, crew, human connection

What are you excited for in this next chapter? Not to talk about IVF and excited to talk about more stuff that’s more authentically in line with more of what her taste is and has become throughout the years. It has been incredible to play Carina and talk about the baby storyline and the struggles of it but she’s excited to tackle other things that are more true to her. She doesn’t want to have kids and for the past 3 years she has played a character who is desperate to have kids and she said it was beautiful because it was fun to connect with this different version of her and great to act out but she’s excited to act out some things that she does care about. 

She’s working on some kind of story as a director but didn’t want to say to much about it and jinx it. 

She took a pair of Carina’s pants from set but said she should have taken Carina’s lab coat. 

Most difficult scene to shoot - Andrew’s death. Emotionally tolling, a lot of crying, exhausting. 

If she could be in any tv show airing right now what would it be? My Brilliant Friend (Italian show) and she would have loved to be in the movie 7 pounds

She tends to lean more towards drama but would love to do comedy things as well. They talk about how she can pretty much cry on cue and can just think about all the shitty things that have happened to her and it comes instantly. She does a lot of emotional scenes/has to cry a lot. 

Espresso or English Tea? Espresso

Sicily Beaches or Hollywood Hills? Sicily beaches

Art museums or Theme parks on a day off? Art museums 

Dinner at home or Dinner out? Out

Gelato in Milano or Fish and Chips in London? Gelato 

Pizza or Pasta? Pizza on pasta

Tennis or PIckleball? Tennis

Travel to the past or future? The present

Saving lives in the ER or on the field with firefighters? ER

Station 19 or Grey’s Anatomy? no answer

She’s on Instagram and off Twitter for good, her therapist told her to. (And that’s literally all that was said about that and then it ended)

[purplecelestial-buddy]

tag game!

Thank you @shockingheaven for tagging me!

Last song: Racer by CNBLUE.

Favorite color: Purple or light blue.

Last book: A friend gave me Gods and Heroes of Ancient Greece yesterday and imma be counting it since I've already read the introduction.

Last manga: (This is a trick question cuz I read so many things that aren't worth mentioning...) I recently finished crescent moon and doughnuts, a gl by Usui Shio. But I've also been making my way through the volumes of Futatsu no Spica and it's been thrilling trip (it somehow reminds me a bit of Wicth hat attelier?)

Last movie: The holdovers (but I also rewatched Pompo the cinephile, if that counts)

Last show: Fabulous Beasts (bless Bilibili for uplouding all the seasons in yt)

Sweet/spicy/savory: Defintely not spicy. I'm kinda weak against intense falvors? Idk but let's say I don't like onions lol. However, I have a sweet tooth and I'm always putting an excess of lemon/lime in my foods.

Relationship status: I love my friends

Last thing I googled: "Lemon lime difference" (En Latam existen los limones mandarina y como otras x1000 variaciones pero eso no significa que yo las diferencie. Mientras sepa ácido me sirve jajja)

Current obsession: Hashihime of the old book town. (I finished Hanazawa's route today at 4am and I'm still processing that...)

Looking forward to: Finishing my work (I have 8 podcast episodes to edit) and finishing that sketchbook I've just started lol. no presurre tags: @kagiura-akira @kalpalatas @aranarumei @emo-oreo @celesteeal

[shadow-the-crow]

okay.

okay.

i did it. i just finished mag 101.

HOLY SHIT

i... i have a lot of thoughts. and i'll make proper posts about them.

but for now i just want to say: it wasn't good in the way i expected, it didn't touch me the way i expected. i mean, it was, and it did, but differently.

am i a bad person for not being devastated because of what happened to Michael? i mean Michael Shelley. maybe it's because i already knew what was going to happen. there wasn't really anything new about it, just the sacrifice i already expected. of course, the repeated "he trusted her" and all that stuff hurt. but i don't feel as bad for Michael Shelley as i probably should. i mostly feel bad for the thing Michael is now, or was. i mean, Michael's pain was also his pain, right? (i'm gonna make a post about that soon.) but yeah, maybe it's because we didn't hear that person talk directly, or maybe i haven't realized the full extent of his fate yet. maybe it'll hurt more on a relisten. idk. but i do feel bad for not being devastated about his fate. that's what y'all were talking about when you said this episode would destroy me, right? or maybe it wasn't. in any case, with the info i had before listening, i was convinced that's what you were talking about, so that's the thing i expected to destroy me.

however, what came closer to destroying me was Michael the Distortion. holy shit. i have so many feelings about him. this whole fucked-up identity thing, the last minute or so of it being Michael... holy shit, his scream. i had to pause and wait until i stopped shaking. although there have been other well acted screams of pain on this podcast... i've never heard anyone scream like this.

oh yeah and i almost forgot: i never expected the "it's not the same person but it's still the same thing" thing to make sense to me. i expected Helen the Distortion to feel like a different being. but somehow it still sounded like it did when it was Michael... It somehow felt the same. I never thought this would be possible, but they really managed to remove the Michael part and keep the Distortion part, just with good voice acting and a bit of sound editing. that's really impressive.

okay that's all i can put into words for now lol

[a-canceled-stamp]

20 Questions for Writers

Thank you @motleyfam, @crows-murder and @selkienight60 for the tags! ^.^

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

22

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

157,488

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Mostly DC, but Star Wars, Marvel, Malevolent (Podcast), Good Omens, and MHA make appearances too.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Long Way Down (To The Bottom Of The River)

Then Came the Morning

A Leap of Faith

Talk To Me

There Are Softer Oak Trees

5. Do you respond to comments?

I used to respond to every comment fairly quickly but recently I just haven't had the time :(( I appreciate every single comment though, they bring me such joy 🥹

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

That would be cardboard box - the first (sort of) hurt no comfort I've written >:D

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Probably There Are Softer Oak Trees :)))

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Not yet

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I do!!!! Or...I'm giving it a shot at least. Not for DC, but for Malevolent. Might post something real soon :3

10. Do you write crossovers?

Nope!

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I didn't even know this was a thing before today. That being said, I don't think so??

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No, but I would love to collab sometime :3

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

I cannot pick one because I don't really have A favorite. But Stucky (Marvel), DinLuke (Star Wars), Merthur (Merlin), SuperBat (DC), TimKon (DC) and Science Girlfriends (Orphan Black) are all ships I enjoy.

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you will?

Dying Is Easy, Living Is Harder. I have many ideas for it but unfortunately, I'm not obsessed enough about the characters to fulfill them lmao. Also An Unexpected Visit bc similar to the previous one I have a lot of ideas, but I just don't think I am talented enough to actually write those ideas.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I've rewritten this answer 10 times, but no version felt right. At one point, I decided I was just gonna skip it. BUT NO. I'm gonna stop worrying about other peepz opinions and just say what I actually believe. And here it is.

I know how to make my writing more immersive with various details like sounds, smells, sensations etc. (and I LOVE doing this. The only issue is I sometimes do it either too much or too little ahdjkhsd)

I am VERY nitpicky. This can seem more like a flaw (and it is), but it has also helped me grow and understand what I like and dislike about my writing. It also means I spend a lot of time editing which makes posting SO much more satisfying (tho sometimes I gotta get those shorter fics out there for the instant serotonin boost lol)

I'm not a huge fan of characters who say/do things that don't make sense considering the genre/plot. Spending more time on this is challenging since I both dislike and SUCK at writing dialogue (why is English so HARD??), but it is also a lot of fun bc I think I am getting better at it.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Well, that part about being nitpicky is obviously a lie bc I didn't realize question 17 was gone ahdjshdkj. But I was the one who noticed it first among my friends so...maybe? Nope lol

English grammar. I have to double check every time I write a message to online friends to make sure what I've written is actually a sentence that makes sense.The thing is - I think I'm pretty good, but I actually suck. One time, I wrote mold wine instead of mulled wine in a fic. Never living that down. This is I think why it takes me so long to edit lmao.

Being too harsh on myself and not allowing myself to feel proud about my accomplishments/comparing my writing to other people. Yes, compared to other fantastic writers I suck, and it will always be like that. It's something I'm still struggling to accept, but I'm getting there!

Writing quickly. Like shutting off my brain and just writing doesn't work for me. I have to be there and edit every single sentence that I don't like, and I think this is why it takes so long for me to finish the first draft. Def gotta work on this!

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

Hmm. Instinctively, I think it makes more sense to write something like, "Person A said something in a language I didn't understand" than to write in that language. It's more fun that way. And if both the pov character and I don't understand what Person A saying it makes me sympathize with the pov character more.

That being said, if I ever see someone writing in Swedish in a fic, I will be immensely happy (and horrified)

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Rise of the Guardians on ffn. The fic is still there and is still hot garbage, but I did have a lot of fun writing it.

20. Favourite fic you've written?

I know what my LEAST favorite one is hjkahdsjk. Nah but for real, I love all my fics for very specific reasons. Like I have a sort of emotional connection with all of them depending on where I was in life, how I was feeling emotionally at the time, etc.

My top 3 would probably be Long Way Down (To The Bottom Of The River) bc it was the first fic I put a lot of thought and effort into, There Are Softer Oak Trees bc it makes me soft and fuzzy when I think about it, and cardboard box bc the comments made me fkn cackle.

It feels impossible to tag people who haven't been tagged yet but imma go with @miles2g0, @lurkinglurkerwholurks, @they-reap-what-we-sow, @liverobinreaction, and @bonesbuckleup. No pressure ofc!

[deadgayturtles]

tag someone you want to get to know better

tagged by @labrador-tea - tyy and sorry i took so long

favourite colour: red (yes like enjolras)

last song: 梦回 from the longest promise is playing rn

last movie: just rewatched swan lake so i could make an edit for oomf’s collab for its anniversary!

currently watching: only murders in the building + rewatching word of honor hehe

other stuff i watched this year: i have almost 70 things on this list do you really want it 😭 but highlights were good omens, spiderverse, schmicago, modern family, grey’s anatomy, atla + tlok, kim’s convenience and gotg vol 3 i guess?

shows i dropped this year/didn’t finish: i very rarely drop shows tbh!! but i forgot i was watching grace & frankie so i guess i technically dropped it… planning to return to it eventually tho

currently reading: nothing T-T still keep trying to get through les mis from start to finish instead of in random sections but i keep forgetting i’m reading it lol

currently listening to: don’t listen to podcasts and only get audiobooks for uni assigned books which i didn’t have to get any for this sem!

currently working on: editober 2023! should be working on my editing main’s theme too but (should really be working on catching up with uni hashshsh)

current obsession: good omens, les mis (always), and word of honor has resparked bc i’m rewatching <3

tagging: @p4nicaker @frhog @les-amis-dcd only if y’all want to!