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melancholy-of-nadia · 9 months ago

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love u lately (m) #9 | myg/knj/pjm

title: love u lately chapter title: #9 - pour up pairing: yoongi x f. reader, namjoon x f. reader, jimin x f. reader (yoonminjoon x f. reader) rating/genre: m (18+) ; smut ; college/university au , pseudo frat! bts; best friends! yoonminjoon friends to lovers; summary: welcome to your "fuck it" era. you ran away and haven't returned back to the house since the fight with yoongi and jimin. you're not sure how namjoon hasn't caught on to anything yet... but now taehyung, hoseok, and jungkook just invited you to go out to party at some random frat not at your campus and get you to destress from the drama. oh you're going to destress alright. pour up a drink and well, you might... regret... this decision... warnings: ANOTHER LONG CHAPTER, flashback pov, angsty, stressful, alcohol consumption, dance battle, FIGHTING, multiple fights?, blood mention, crying, THE TRUTH, AND MORE CONFESSIONS, txt appearance, sakura appearance, soyoon and john eun and san appearance, jin lowkey snitching, ANGRY NAMJOON, soft namjoon, throwing up, kissing, SMUT, creampie, fingering, no other smut warnings it's a surprise but its very tame no worries, reader is on BC, good end?, EXTRA POV at the end, a lot happens i can't remember hehehe maybe i am drunk too note: again pls send love to @daegudrama who is in charge of editing these terrible chapter total word count: 14.3k drop date: April 12th, 2024, 6:00PM PST cross posted on AO3 here ← #8 | Series Masterlist | #10

March 1st [Friday]

It’s been 2 weeks.

2 weeks since the fight.

2 weeks since you have last been “home”.

That’s not to say you haven’t taken a shower or changed out of your clothes since then. God, no.

You’ve been staying in Hwasa’s dorm ever since. Her roommate went on an immersion program abroad, so she has no roommate for this semester. Luckily, you’ve had access to her dorm’s shared bathroom to freshen up and her roommates' baron bed.

As for clothes and other stuff, Jungkook has been bringing you everything you need. He’s the only one you can rely on from the house as you’ve always been the most comfortable around him outside of Namjoon, Jimin, and Yoongi. He’s also the one who knew about the deal and didn’t tell anyone, aside from blabbering to Jimin back in October.

You’re not 100% sure what the aftermath was like in that house after you left. But one thing for sure is that the other guys—not involved in the deal—have covered up things to Joon about your disappearance. They know how rocky things are, and if Namjoon knew all of this, you think it could make things a million times worse. You appreciate them stepping in like that though, no matter what they think of the situation.

Jungkook did attempt to recap it all through text, rather thoroughly.

+++++++++++

— past —

February 15th [Friday]

“You guys done fucked things up now. A three-way relationship? Are you fucking kidding me?” Jin was seething as he scolded Jimin and Yoongi in the living room. The other guys were sitting at the dining table as Jin told them that they had to stay for this ordeal. They sat there in silence, waiting for this to (hopefully) end as soon as possible.

If the argument from earlier didn’t sober everyone up, then Jin’s yelling definitely did.

“And you! Taehyung! What were you thinking asking that?!” Jin pointed his finger at Taehyung.

“Huh? Me!? Jimin was the one who told me to ask something risky if Yoongi pulled that block.” Tae tried to avert his gaze from the older man.

Everyone groaned. Jenga blocks still remained scattered on the table and on the floor of the living room. Unfinished snacks and drinks remained a mess around the table as well. Jin made a mental note to make Yoongi and Jimin clean up the aftermath of Friday Night Game Night as punishment for what happened.

“But you know what, I expected something like this at some point. Hoseok and Taehyung, please pay up. I take Venmo.” The two men—that Jin name dropped—groaned, pulling out their phones to send him the money. “Hyung, what the hell, man?!” Jimin glanced at them back and forth, appalled. Even Yoongi was confused that there was something like this going on, but he really shouldn’t be the one judging right now. “What? Did you think we didn’t suspect anything? That y’all were slick? There were signs...” Jin’s words drifted off.

“Like?” Yoongi narrowed his eyes at the older man. “Well should I mention the blowjob that Honey gave you in Mr. Kang’s office?” Hoseok interjected as he turned around from his chair. Yoongi’s eyes widened, “What the fuck? H-How did you—” He stumbled on his words. Hoseok didn’t come in until after it ended, he thought. How would he have known!?

“The door may have been closed, but people approaching the door can still hear what goes on behind it. Especially in that old ass building…” Hoseok sighed, “Thought it was just you jacking off in there at first, but when I heard you say, and I quote, ‘Fuck. You really drive me crazy. You know that, Sunshine?’ I connected the dots quickly. I sat out there waiting until it ended so I could come in to drop my shit.” He emphasized, leaving Yoongi completely speechless.

“Jimin sent me Y/N’s nudes accidently one night!” Taehyung stood up from his chair in an instant, abruptly confessing. “He unsent them, but I caught it! He had to fes’ up to me after that. I thought it was just the both of them in a situationship. Then when Jin said Yoongi hyung was also involved, I couldn’t believe that. But I started connecting the dots during the trip.”

Yoongi narrowed his eyes at Jimin, snarling a bit. Trying to avoid further questioning, Jimin mouths out to him that it happened while he was drunk when he stayed over at Taehyung’s during Christmas break. Though of course, Yoongi cannot read his lips.

“I didn’t lose the bet because I always knew there was a possibility it wasn’t just hyung and Honey after I caught them having sex. Especially based on the conversation Jimin and I had during his birthday party. So I was on Jin’s side.” Jungkook added, then he shrugged.

“Interesting. Yoongi had told me about a dilemma he had with someone he was seeing. Jimin was also acting a little too clingy to Honey than usual, so I put the pieces together and realized what these two were doing. I thought I was wrong, but Jesus Christ…” Jin sat down in the loveseat, wondering if he had failed as president of Beta Tau Sigma. Should he have not let you move in to prevent this? Or should he have brought it up privately to you three and warned you all not to do it? Whatever scenario he thinks of doesn’t matter. What happened, happened. Now people are hurt and humiliated. He has to step it up to help you guys in any way, especially you. “Does Namjoon hyung know?” Taehyung inquired, earning everyones’ immediate deadpan stare at him. The silent action makes it seem that there is a shared understanding of something. No one wants Namjoon to know what happened. They know that if he finds out, they might have to be ready for their own funerals. “No.” Yoongi answered. “Fair enough. So what’s the plan now?” He followed up with another question. “We don’t even know where Honey went? Is she even somewhere safe?” Taehyung’s attitude towards this situation has been nonchalant, but in reality, he was actually very concerned for your mental wellbeing. He may be a social butterfly fuckboi, but whatever Jimin and Yoongi hid from you was a new low to him. You weren’t very close to him before, but he has grown fond of you in the past 2 years he’s known you. “We’re not telling Namjoon hyung that’s for sure!” Jungkook chimed in, scrolling at his recent messages. “I texted Hwasa because it’s the first person I thought she’d go to. She said that Honey was with her, asleep on her bed. Doesn’t seem like Honey wants to come back anytime soon.”

The guys let out a sigh of relief, though guilt shadowed Jimin and Yoongi. Feeling worn out, Jimin decided to get up from his spot, stumbled a bit and headed up to his room. Jin’s about to follow in pursuit to get him to come back and help clean up, but Yoongi stopped him. “Just let him be, I’ll help clean up if you need it,” The cat-eyed man said, reading into Jin’s intentions. “He’s already mentally punishing himself over this.”

After this, the other guys went into their rooms and called it a night. Yoongi remained in the dimly lit living room area, cleaning the mess that was left behind and reflecting on his frustrations. +++++++++++

You asked Jungkook about Namjoon. You knew that he would start to find things suspicious and eventually interrogate everyone about your whereabouts, like the older sibling figure he is. But Jungkook said that wasn’t the case. Jungkook [Feb 22nd 20XX; 9:24PM]: No, Hyung’s been holed up in his room working on his polisci papers or in the lib’s lab room helping his buddies with stuff.

Jungkook [Feb 22nd 20XX; 9:25PM]: He did ask about you though. Jungkook [Feb 22nd 20XX; 9:25PM]: But me and tae said that you’ve been busy working on a mid-semester project with her so you would be staying over at her dorm for a while. Jungkook [Feb 22nd 20XX; 9:27PM]: Yoongi hyung and Jimin have been closed off since then, but Namjoon hyung hasn’t noticed much.

You keep going through your past texts between Jungkook and rereading what was sent. There are more messages from him mentioning that Jimin and Yoongi have been more standoffish towards others, making you feel concerned for them. Wait. No. You shake your head. Why are you even worried? They were the ones who started it. Did they not realize that things were better off platonic, instead of messing with your heart?

You breathe out, locking your phone. You go back to lying down on your side on the bed, closing your eyes to stop yourself from spiraling. The door suddenly unlocks, and the creaking sound marks Hwasa's entrance into the dorm. Opening your eyes, you observe her movements as she places her backpack on the desk. “Hey Hon, did you go to your class at noon?” She asks, her eyes searching yours. You nod, answering, “Yeah, couldn’t skip it today. Professor Watanabe said we were having a quiz because no one asked questions last class. Came back here after class.”

“Ah, gotcha.” Hwasa comes over to settle on your bed, arranging a throw pillow against the wall for comfort. She shifts her position, making herself at home. "How are ya feeling?"

“Better than before, but still not that great.”

“Maybe you should go out tonight. I think Nu Kappa is having a party tonight? Oh wait, Sigma Lambda is for sure having a house party. Let me check in with Joshua for that one because–”

“No.” You cut her off, though the word coming out of your mouth sounded much harsher than you had wanted it to. “I just don’t want to be around people that I know or potentially know me. Or just run into them.” You refer to Yoongi and Jimin with that line, maybe even Namjoon too.

You want to talk this whole thing over with them, but you’re not ready yet. You just can’t organize your thoughts yet, and you don’t know why. Maybe it’s the anxiety of knowing that a conversation about this would eventually lead to you guys to cut off contact completely. And that could be it. Maybe that’s for the better.

You will move out of the Beta Tau Sigma house.

Maybe you can ask Student Housing if they’d be willing to let you officially move into Hwasa’s dorm for the rest of the semester.

Yeah, you can manage to make this work out. But is it what you really want?

No. Of course not. But at this point in time, you can’t imagine this going any other way. “My bad, girl. I just wanted to help cheer you up.” Hwasa’s expression becomes somber.

No, no. You didn’t mean it like that. Why can’t your brain work properly?! “No, it’s just— sorry.” You apologize, trying to think of something to brighten up the mood. “But if you want to go out, don’t let me stop you, bestie! Maybe you want to see a special someone out.”

Hwasa lets out a giggle, “It’s okay, I know you’re going through a lot right now.” She places her hand on your back to give you reassuring rubs. “But I’ll take that suggestion. Joshua told me his friend is making his DJ debut at Sigma Lambda so I wanted to drop by and support.”

Concern crosses your face, “That sounds pretty awesome, but are you okay going alone? I can go with you if you want.” She shakes her head. “Nah, it’s cool. I don’t want to force you to be there when you’re not feeling too hot. I’ll hit up Annie and ask if she’s down to come with me.” “Okay, that sounds good.” You reply, appreciating her understanding and the attempt to bring some normalcy back into the evening.

+++++++++++

Hwasa was in luck because Annie did respond not long after she sent her a text. She invited Hwasa to get ready over at her dorm, which was the nice apartment-like dorm on the northernmost part of campus. Hwasa says that she might come back late, but more than likely, thinks she’ll be knocked out at Annie’s dorm. She’ll keep you posted. Before she leaves that night, she gives you her access card (since you’ve been entering her dorm before thanks to the shared bathroom she has with the 2 girls in the next dorm) and tells you to feel free to go out to get something for dinner. After that happens, you’re left alone now. The Hello Kitty clock on Hwasa’s table read, “8:46 PM” Maybe you should grab something to eat. You honestly haven’t been eating properly. But you are tired of the dining hall food after almost two weeks of eating it. You hated it even when you used to dorm last year. “Maybe I’ll order from DoorDash to treat myself after a tough week,” You say to yourself while you lay down on Hwasa’s big fluffy pink floor rug. Netflix movie night and take-out sounds ideal, right?

Just as you’re scrolling through your phone trying to find an option you’re craving, you hear a loud knock at the door.

Oh shit.

It’s not Hwasa, right? She would’ve texted you that she was coming back because she forgot something. Then is it the RA? No. Hwasa said she was cool with him, so he wouldn’t snitch you out. Did something else happen?

You get up from your comfortable position to walk towards the door. You’re not gonna lie, you’re a little nervous to open it.

Who the fuck could it even be on a Friday night?

You open it slowly, seeing tall figures coming into view.

“Honey, come out!” “Taehyung!?” You yelp out. Once you recognize the voice, you rapidly open the door wide enough to find Taehyung, Jungkook and Hoseok on the other side. “What the hell are you guys doing here?” You ask. You don’t remember telling them to come over. Even if you did, there’s not much they can do in such a small dorm. This is the first time in two weeks you’re talking to any of the other guys besides Jungkook. “We came over because we want to invite you out,” Hoseok responds this time, signature heart smile showing. “We know you haven’t been feeling well so we want to go with you and let loose!”

You’re getting deja vu from the same conversation you had with Hwasa earlier.

“So go get changed out of your…pajamas.” Jungkook looks down at you as he speaks, somewhat checking you out. A thought in your mind just clicks that he was looking at your chest, wearing no bra and cleavage all out. Men… You’ve been wearing your lace tank top and My Melody pajama pants since you got back from class. You didn’t have any plans of going out after class, so why be dressed up in tight jeans, a shirt and whatever else for the whole day?

“Look, guys. That sounds like a mighty plan you got there, but I really don’t think I should go.” “But why not? There’s nothing better than drinking and forgetting your regrets! Please come with us!” Taehyung steps in closer, trying to welcome himself inside.

“Because… I’m feeling a little sick…?” The guys look at you in complete disbelief before you admit the truth. “Okay, fine, I don’t want to party around here and see these people.”

“Who said we’re partying here?” Jungkook smirks, “No, we’re going… somewhere else.” “Where is this ‘somewhere else’ you speak of?” You narrow your eyes, mild interest sparking behind them.

“Stop asking so many questions and just get ready. I’ll even help you pick out something.” Hoseok takes this as an opportunity to enter the dorm, where you direct him to your closet of stuff. The two other guys follow in as well and stand there as Hoseok is sifting through the rack mixed with jeans, blouses, skirts and sweaters.

“Here, this is cute.” He hands you your black heart ring detail halter top, flared jeans, and a black knit cardigan. “Oh, this isn’t that bad of a look? No wonder people say you’re the most stylish on the dance team.”

Hoseok grins, his eyes lighting up with pride at the compliment. "Well, you know, I've got an eye for these things. Now, go change into this. The night may be young, but we’re not getting any younger here!"

You take the outfit from him, a small smile playing on your lips. "Thanks, Hobi. I appreciate it." You look back at the guys who are still standing in the dorm, chuckling. "Um alright, can you guys step outside the door while I change?"

“Oh whoops!” Jungkook yells out, The three guys scurry out of the dorm, giving you a moment of privacy to change.

Hoseok calls after you behind the door, "Let me know if you need any makeup tips! I'm a pro at this too."

You chuckle, appreciating the effort to lighten the mood. In the bathroom, you quickly change into the outfit Hoseok picked out. It's a mix of your style but with a touch of Hoseok's fashion flair. The black heart ring detail halter top fits snugly, paired with flared jeans and a cozy black knit cardigan. You glance at yourself in the mirror, the reflection showing a slightly different version of you.

After a deep breath, you open the door, greeted by the approving nods and smiles of Hoseok, Taehyung, and Jungkook. Taehyung claps his hands together. "Looking good! Now, let's get out there and have some fun!"

With excitement now in the air, you grab your bag before you go and you all head out the building.

+++++++++++

Jungkook leads the way to his car, a sleek 2017 Mercedes-Benz C300 parked in the student parking lot next to Hwasa's dorm. The soft glow of the streetlights reflects off the polished surface, and you can't help but appreciate the comfortable luxury of his car. You will always remember that he begged his parents to sign off on it so he could get it as his graduation gift.

Jungkook unlocks the doors, and you all pile in, anticipation building for the night ahead.

The drive is filled with a mix of laughter and excited chatter as you navigate through the city. The atmosphere in the car is lively, the previous stress of weeks ago momentarily forgotten as you stare out of the car looking at the skyline of city lights on the freeway. It feels less suffocating over here. No Jimin. No Yoongi. No Namjoon. Just you and the other boys. You weren’t too keen on coming along with them, but now that you’re sitting here, DEAN’s Pour Up bass boosted on the car speakers, you know you made a good choice. You gotta let loose.

After 20 minutes on the road, Jungkook exits off the freeway into a residential area. As he finds a parking spot, you can hear the distant bass of music and the chatter of college students walking around. Is this another college’s Greek row? The car engine turns off, and you all step outside looking around the neighborhood.

You're immediately struck by the grandeur of the fraternity houses. They are much bigger than the ones at your college campus, their size and architecture exuding an air of privilege. These houses are easily identifiable by the prominent display of large Greek letters or flags proudly adorning the front, signaling the presence of each fraternity.

Lights spill out from the windows, and the distant sounds of music and laughter grow louder as you approach the houses. The atmosphere is charged with anticipation, and you can't help but feel a mix of excitement and nervousness being here. Though, you’re glad that you won’t run into people you know here. And even if you do, the chance is likely really low. Who would come 20 minutes away to party at another college?

Once this question comes to your mind, you feel a little odd. Wait, are you forgetting something?

Before you can think about it more, Jungkook gently holds your wrist, leading the way through the lively crowds of students walking around, and you follow suit.

The four of you approach the entrance of one of the bigger fraternity houses, the thumping bass becomes almost palpable. The flag outside says ΗΨΒ— Eta Psi Beta. You’re honestly not familiar with this one as it seems to be one that doesn’t have a chapter at your college. Without hesitation or restrictions, you guys walk into the side entrance leading to the backyard. After several steps of walking along the slightly lit path, you're engulfed in an atmosphere of sights and sounds. The massive backyard is packed with people, the air pulsating with the beats of a 2010s party mix blaring from the speakers. You see a pretty girl with a colorful knit top and black hair DJing the party from the far end of the backyard, along with several people behind her overseeing the vibes. Color-changing lights crisscross above, connected to tall oak trees, casting a warm glow over the lively scene below.

To your right, a makeshift bar is set up, complete with a variety of drinks and colorful cocktails. Students are chatting, dancing, and moving in synchronized rhythm with the music. The atmosphere is infectious, and you find yourself getting into the groove, the worries of the past weeks slowly fading away.

Jungkook, Taehyung, and Hoseok lead you through the crowd, their excitement contagious. You can't help but marvel at the sheer scale of the party, a stark contrast to the more intimate gatherings you're used to.

"Isn't this amazing?" Taehyung exclaims over the music, and you respond with an enthusiastic nod.

“How the hell did you guys find this party?” you shout back at him, catching yourself staring at the DJ Girl changing the setlist to some House and UK Garage music to hype up the crowd more.

“Jungkook says he knows a guy here!” Hoseok adds.

“Yeah! We go to the same gym off-campus and box a bit,” Jungkook explains closer to your ear so you could hear amid the lively ambiance. “Oh look! Speak of the devil!” His eyes widen when he sees the man he’s referring to step right up in front of you guys. “Woah! Jungkook! You came!” The man speaks with excitement in his eyes, facial features reflecting a youthfulness that adds to his charm. Like Jungkook, he possesses captivating doe eyes that convey both innocence and a hint of curiosity. He is seemingly younger than your group, however, his height is exactly the same as the trio with you. Jungkook chuckles, going in for a bro hug. “Didn’t think I was going to, but I dragged some friends with me.” Jungkook moves aside to introduce you three, “This is Hoseok, Taehyung, and Y/N.”

“Nice to meet you guys! I’m Taehyun Kang.” He extends a handshake to each of you, catching you off guard. Awkwardly, you take his hand in yours. His politeness radiates, and you can't help but find it adorable.

Taehyun leads the way, gesturing toward the makeshift bar. "Oh! Since you guys are here, let's get some drinks!" he suggests, guiding you through the lively crowd towards the vibrant bar area. “We have a special jungle juice just for tonight’s event. We call it Sugar Rush Ride!” He leans close to you guys, “We basically dumped a bunch of blue raspberry Jolly Ranchers in it mixed with other alcohols!” “Oh that seems pretty cool! Let me get some!” You say. Taehyun smiles, pouring you some in a blue plastic cup and hands it to you. “You guys want to try some too?”

“I’m the DD for the drive back home, but these two can get some.” Hoseok reassures the younger men it's okay to get wasted. He’s always been a reliable upperclassman and brother to them.

You take the chance to sip the cup. Mm. It’s a little too sweet for your taste, but the strong burning sensation (of what you assume is rum and vodka), helps it lessen. Good. This is what you need right now so badly.

Fuck it.

For a moment, you're content to let go of your troubles and embrace the carefree spirit of the night.

+++++++++++

“Where’s Y/N? She’s not in her room.”

This question catches Jin off guard as he sips his wine, slightly choking on it before setting it down on the coffee table. He’s hanging out with Namjoon, John, San and Soyoon watching a Ghibli movie in the living room. Not that he was paying much attention, he was on his phone playing the new Maple Story update. Yoongi went to play basketball at the intramural gymnasium on campus, while Jimin went drinking with an upperclassmen, Taemin.

Of course Jin knew where you were this whole time since the fight, and even tonight when Hoseok said they were inviting you to the Eta Psi Beta party at the neighboring university. But is he about to tell Namjoon?

He’s not sure. Jin pauses the game on his phone, glancing at Namjoon. "Yeah, she mentioned she's spending the night at Hwasa's place. They've been hanging out a lot lately," he says, attempting a nonchalant tone to avoid revealing any hint of the tension between you and the others. His eyes flicker between the screen and Namjoon, unsure whether he should disclose more information.

Namjoon raises an eyebrow, a slight frown forming on his face. "Is she okay?"

Jin hesitates for a moment, debating how much to share. "I guess? She just said she needed a change of scenery, you know?"

"What do you mean?" Namjoon presses, sensing there might be more to the story.

Jin takes a deep breath, his gaze shifting away momentarily. "Look, there's been some tension lately. I think she just needed some space to clear her head."

Namjoon's expression tightens, concern deepening. "Tension? What happened?" John, San and Soyoon’s attention from the movie has been diverted to the conversation happening between Jin and Namjoon. Jin sighs, knowing he can’t divulge more information in front of them. So he gets up, grabbing Namjoon’s wrist, and dragging him into the hallway leading to their rooms. “God, I hate having to hide shit from you of all people.” Jin whispers aggressively, putting his hands on the taller man’s shoulders. “Fine, basically, Y/N ran away two weeks ago and is staying at Hwasa’s dorm.” “...What the fuck, Seokjin?!” Namjoon reins in his emotions, realizing that getting upset won't help him understand the situation better. Now, more than ever, he needs to find out what's going on with you. “Why didn’t anyone tell me—”

He interrupts the younger man, sighing in frustration. “It’s not my place to tell you what happened exactly and neither was it anyone else’s. I think you might have an idea, though, even if you weren’t there. If you want to know, go find her.”

Namjoon is left speechless, brows furrowing as he absorbs the information, a surge of worry overtaking him.

Jin nods, understanding Namjoon's urgency. “And we didn’t want to get you upset and probably wreck anything…or anyone.”

“Where is she, Jin?”

Jin, once again hesitates for a moment. “She’s at a party with Hoseok, Tae, and Jungkook. It’s at the…Eta Psi Beta house at that neighboring university, not too far from here.”

“Oh Sh–” Namjoon looks like a deer caught in headlights, evident concern plastered on his face. “Did you not fucking know that’s the frat that he is in?”

“He?” Jin pauses for a moment confused about who Namjoon was referring to before it all clicks in his head, panicking. “Holy fuck! How was I supposed to remember that? Jungkook said he had a friend there. And I mean, it’s a big frat…what are the odds that she’ll run into him?”

Namjoon takes a deep breath, frustration and worry battling within him. He has been keeping tabs here and there on this guy for over a year, just out of concern for you. He wasn’t sure if you’d ever plan to seek him, or vice versa. No, this isn’t good.

He doesn't want to waste any time.

“I’m going out!” Without another word, he heads towards the front door.

John gets up from the couch seeing the commotion. “Woah, Joon, what’s going on?” His brows furrow, searching Namjoon's face for answers.

Namjoon's jaw clenches as he sighs, concern etched across his face. “I need to go find Y/N. She’s at Eta Psi’s party at UOX 20 minutes away, and she might be in some trouble soon.” As he speaks, his eyes dart around, calculating the steps he needs to take.

John senses the urgency in Namjoon's movements and offers his assistance. “I’ll take you! I didn’t drink at all earlier so I’m good to drive.”

Soyoon, catching wind of the unfolding situation, joins in, her eyes wide with concern. “We'll come along too and help you find her!”

Meanwhile, Jin, trying to compose himself, acknowledges the chaos. “I wanna go, but I’ll stay here. Yoongi will be back later, so it’ll be suspicious if we’re all gone,” he says, his demeanor calm but resolute, a stabilizing force amid the growing turmoil. Namjoon’s gaze flickers briefly to Jin, silently thanking him for staying behind. He then nods appreciatively at John's offer, grateful for the immediate support. "Thanks, John. Let's go."

He gestures for San and Soyoon to follow as well, her worried expression mirrors his own. As they make their way to the door, John grabs his jacket, his movements quick and purposeful.

The front door closes, leaving Jin alone with his own contemplations. The room, once filled with casual conversation and the glow of the TV now feels empty and eerily quiet.

He glances at his phone, pondering whether he should reach out to Yoongi. He knows Yoongi hates that man’s guts just as much as Namjoon, but he knows that you will be even more troubled if you see him as well. As he debates internally, Jin takes a deep breath, preparing himself for whatever repercussions may follow, hoping that Namjoon can find you and the other boys swiftly and ensure you don’t end up seeing him.

+++++++++++

After several drinks, you’ve gotten lost in the humongous crowd of people filling the backyard of this frat house. The last time you remember seeing Taehyung’s social butterfly ass was when he was striking up conversations with a couple of girls. His infectious laughter and charming boxy smile drew them towards him, and soon he was engaged in a friendly game of beer pong with a group jealous guys and trying to show off his skills and impressive aim to the girls. They loved it.

You believe Jungkook was dragged away by an excited Taehyun wanting to show him something inside the house, though you’re not sure if he’s back…and somewhere in this crowd.

So that leaves you with Hoseok for a while, and when 4 Walls by F(X) starts playing, he nudges you into the middle of the crowd.

You dance with him for a bit, enjoying yourself as you attempt to follow along the movements he does. This ends with you awkwardly laughing at your own failure. You could never pop and lock, or whatever he did. You’re just not that flexible at all or well-versed with dance moves that aren’t “The Robot”. But Hoseok is gentle when teaching you. Compared to how strict he is with his students during his dance class sessions, according to Jungkook.

Dancing with him was short-lived, as he tells you to stay put because he wants to enter the dance circle emerging from the middle of the crowd in front of the DJ. He might be the DD for the night, but he isn’t going to miss out on the fun while being sober.

You don’t want to be squished with drunk, sweaty bodies around you, so you end up next to the DJ booth, where the same girl is still spinning tracks and taking charge of the party’s setlist. Her effortless grace and commanding presence behind the turntables catch your attention, and you can't help but be intrigued by her.

"So, how did you get into DJing?" you ask, raising your voice slightly to be heard over the music. Usually, you’re not as courageous to start conversations with random people, but today, the alcohol in your system said otherwise.

The girl flashes you a warm smile, her eyes sparkling with enthusiasm. "Well, I've always had a passion for music," she replies, adjusting a knob on the mixer with practiced ease. "Back in Japan, I used to DJ at small local events. When I came here for my exchange program, I jumped at the chance to share my love for music with a new audience."

You nod, impressed by her dedication and talent. "Oh wow! That's amazing. You're really good at it," you comment, nodding towards the crowd as they groove to the beat.

Her smile widens at the compliment, a hint of pride in her eyes. "Thanks! I love seeing people enjoy themselves on the dance floor, connected by the music."

As you continue chatting, you come to find out her name is Sakura, and is in the same year as you. Before you get the chance to tell her your name, your attention is suddenly drawn to the makeshift dance floor where Hoseok is engaged in a spirited dance battle with another party-goer. The two of them move with grace and precision, their movements synchronized to the pulsating rhythm of the music.

You watch in awe as Hoseok dazzles the crowd with his fluid dance moves, his energy infectious as he captivates everyone around him. The other dancer, who you couldn’t see well from your angle, seems to hold their own with impressive skill drawing impressed sounds from the people watching. The guy keeps matching Hoseok move for move while Summer Walker’s Dat Right There plays in the background. After they finish, two other guys are up and dancing to the next song on Sakura’s setlist.

Sakura follows your gaze as you watch Hoseok get mixed into the crowd once again, a smile playing on her lips. "Looks like your friend knows how to move," she remarks, her eyes twinkling with amusement.

You nod in agreement, feeling a swell of pride over your friend getting complimented. “Yup! He’s won several dance competitions in the past.” You sip your blue cup. What even is the alcohol inside this cup? You think maybe you should stop drinking before you start to get the urge to puke. Though, when else can you go all out like this without their supervision?

“Competition!? Woah, that’s on a whole other level than Jun! He’s in the school’s dance team too.”

You want to continue your conversation with Sakura, but suddenly, you feel your vision spin. Shit, maybe you are at your limit. You used to be able to drink more, why are you so weak tonight? You try to hold onto the table for stability, which then catches Sakura’s attention.

“Wait, hey…you okay?”

You quickly look up at her, and wave her off. “Uh, yeah! 100%. Just need some water.”

“There’s cases of bottled water in the kitchen, just head in through the back door. Think you can make it there? I would help, but I’m—”

You manage a weak smile, grateful for Sakura's concern. "Don’t worry! I'll do that. Thanks, Sakura," you reply, your voice sounding more slurred as you attempt to maintain your composure. With a determined nod, you push yourself away from the table, focusing on steadying your steps as you make your way toward the back door.

As you navigate through the throngs of bodies, you can feel the effects of the alcohol weighing heavily on your senses. The music seems louder now, the lights brighter, and the voices around you a chaotic blur. You press a hand to your temple, willing away the dizzy spell that threatens to overwhelm you.

The sudden shift in atmosphere hits you like a wave as you step inside the house. The air is thick with smoke, a potent mixture of cigarette and weed fumes that assault your senses. You cough slightly, your eyes watering as you try to adjust to the stifling environment.

The dim lighting casts long shadows across the room, adding to the hazy ambiance. People are scattered throughout the space, lounging on couches, leaning against walls, and mingling in small groups. The music from outside pounds in your ears, reverberating through the walls and floor, making it difficult to think clearly.

Making your way to the kitchen, you find the bottled water, grab one and twist off the cap, taking a long gulp of the refreshing liquid. The relief is short lived though, as you glance around, searching for a familiar face in the sea of strangers. Jungkook, Hoseok, and Taehyung are nowhere to be seen for some time.

You feel a pang of unease at being separated from your friends at a random frat party, God knows where. You’re also passed the point of being tipsy.

What school are you even at? Why didn’t you bother asking about it in the car earlier?

Maybe you should try finding Jungkook. Yeah, he should be inside somewhere. You didn’t see him come out earlier.

You walk to the living room to try to search for him amongst the lax bodies taking hits from bongs, but suddenly you hear your name called out.

“Y/N!”

Jungkook?

Wait, did that sound like Jungkook calling out to you? Maybe? Maybe not?

You’re drunk, but the voice sounds familiar, though. Who is that?

You turn around.

And when you do, you immediately regret it.

The familiar voice that you deemed to be Jungkook was not him, but it wasn’t completely unfamiliar to you at all. You used to hear this voice so often. A voice that would whisper sweet nothings to you in the late summer nights and would annoy the hell out of you with his comments.

It can’t be him, you think. You’re drunk! You’re just drunk, Y/N! Why would it be him, here, right now? As much as you tried to refute the appearance of that man before you, the image became clearer.

Choi Yeonjun.

Once you realize this, everything around you seizes movement. Soon, it feels like you stepped into a dream with how hazy everything has become. The atmosphere consumed with smoke from people smoking weed here is definitely not helping.

You’re not sure if it’s the alcohol running through your veins or your anxiety making the world spin once more, but there’s a curdling feeling in your stomach now.

Before you can even think, your legs start to move you back, very slowly. Away from the man who left you devastated and heartbroken not too long ago.

“Y-Yeon–”

“Y/N…”

Fuck. It’s been almost two years and you still can’t fucking say his name. What’s wrong with you? You’re over him. Why are you somehow standing here in fear just from being in his presence?

“I didn’t expect to see you here.”

“Me either.” That’s all you can mutter out? Wait. Is the “Jun” that Hoseok was dancing against earlier. Holy shit, this is all making sense. Of course you knew he went to a university close to you, but there’s thousands of students going there too. You would’ve never thought you’d just see fucking Yeonjun out of all people at a random ass frat party.

You wonder if he could sense the fear crawling through your skin, controlling your muscle movements. Your vision quivers twice as much as it should. Don’t make eye contact dammit.

Too late.

Despite your overwhelming urge to flee, you force yourself to stand your ground as Yeonjun approaches closer, his presence looming over you like a dark shadow. Every instinct screams at you to run, to go find the guys, to escape the memories that threaten to engulf you, but you swallow down your fear and brace yourself for what comes next.

"How have you been?" He asks, his voice soft yet filled with a tinge of uncertainty.

You can feel the weight of his gaze on you, his eyes searching your face for any sign of softness. And perhaps weakness. Your heart pounds in your chest, your palms clammy with nerves as you struggle to find the right words to respond. You’re gonna puke at this rate and it’s going to be embarrassing.

"Good... uh, how are you?" you manage to say, your voice barely above a whisper. You can't bring yourself to meet his eyes, the fear of what you might see reflected in them too overwhelming to bear. Instead, you focus on a spot just over his shoulder, willing yourself to remain composed despite the turmoil raging inside you.

Yeonjun's response is brief, almost curt. "Good," he says, his voice devoid of any emotion.

There's a tense silence between you two. You can feel the weight of the past pressing down on you, threatening to suffocate you with its suffocating embrace. But still, you refuse to break, determined to weather the storm no matter what.

Finally, after what feels like an eternity, Yeonjun speaks again, his voice hesitant yet persistent on something. "Okay, look, I know it’s been awhile, but I noticed you talking to Sakura earlier and I thought it was fate that I saw you after so long. Can we talk?"

“Huh? What?”

Now what’s this about? You’ve been through too much and having a conversation about whatever the fuck is on his mind is something you do not want to do tonight. Or ever. You guys have been done. You have no more tears left to cry. You know your heart lies elsewhere.

“I know things ended badly when I left you, but—”

You’re not sure if he’s apologizing after reflecting on the past some time ago or if he’s trying to get back together with you, but you cannot stomach this. You want to leave. He’s probably drunk anyways. If he sincerely feels either of the two ways, he would’ve come to find you earlier to tell while he’s sober.

“Yeonjun,” You sigh heavily as you interrupt him, giving him a stern expression to show that you’re serious, “I’m not feeling too great right now. I need to go find the guys.”

“The guys?” Yeonjun scoffs. “You’re still hanging around with them?”

“Who?”

“Namjoon, Yoongi and Jimin.”

What? You’re not even going to tell him that’s not who you’re here with, but now you have questions. There’s something he’s clearly insinuating here that he never told you when you two were dating. You wonder if it’s related to the reason why he ended things when you thought they were going so well.

You want to keep edging him on until he spills.

“What’s wrong with that?” You raise your eyebrow, getting progressively more pissed off.

Yeonjun’s gaze hardens, his features contorting with a mixture of frustration and disbelief. “What’s wrong with that?” he echoes, his voice tinged with bitterness. “Can’t believe you’re still so dense after all this time.”

No, never mind. You’re not going to stand here and be degraded until you get a piece of a puzzle that doesn’t matter anymore.

“If you’re going to fucking insult me, then I’m leaving.”

“No, you’re not leaving yet!” Yeonjun suddenly grabs your wrist, preventing you from leaving. His fingers dig into your skin with a painful intensity. You cringe for a moment. Panic courses through your veins as you struggle against his hold, desperate to break free from his grasp.

Before you could fight against his hold further, you turn to see a man, similar in height to Yeonjun, shoving him roughly against the nearest wall, his expression dark and menacing. This action makes Yeonjun let go as his hands are now elsewhere.

Your heart pounds in your chest as you watch the altercation unfold, fear and uncertainty swirling inside you like a raging storm. Who is this man?

Holy shit.

Looking at him closely, the realization hits you like a ton of bricks—it's Namjoon.

Why is he here? How did he know you guys were here anyway?

"What the fuck is your problem grabbing her like that?" Namjoon's voice cuts through the chaos, his tone filled with anger and concern.

“Wait, Namjoon! Just stop. Let it go!”

Hoseok's voice breaks through the chaos, drawing your attention. He strides towards you, his eyes blazing with fury and worry. Taehyung and Jungkook follow closely behind, their expressions a mix of concern and determination. A crowd starts to form around them, even bringing in more people from outside after hearing the commotion.

Namjoon moves quickly, grabbing Yeonjun by the collar. “I don’t like violence, but you’ve really been pissing me off since that summer.” he growls, his voice dripping with menace.

Yeonjun staggers backward, out of Namjoon’s hold. Though his eyes remain wide with shock. He seems uncertain of what to do next, caught off guard by Namjoon's appearance and sudden aggression. His expression shifts from surprise to defiance, his jaw clenched with determination.

"Pissed off at me?" Yeonjun's voice is laced with poison, his eyes narrowing as he locks gazes with Namjoon. "I'm the one pissed off at you knowing she liked you this whole time and you never noticed a goddamn thing."

You remain frozen while hearing the words coming out of Yeonjun’s mouth. You liking Namjoon this whole time? Gears turn in your head. Did you never realize those feelings slip out of you? During the times you’d lovingly call Yeonjun, ‘Junnie’...did it feel so right because it was the same nickname Namjoon had? Yeonjun suddenly interjects with a sharp tone, "So you should stop acting up."

The room falls into a momentary silence, punctuated only by the muffled thud as Yeonjun swiftly grabs a book from a nearby table and hits Namjoon's head with it. There's an audible gasp from the onlookers, some leaning forward in their spots to get a better view, while others recoil in shock at the unexpected turn of events.

Namjoon, caught off guard by the sudden blow, winces as the book makes contact with his head. He instinctively brings a hand up to rub the spot where he was struck, his expression a mixture of surprise and discomfort.

You, too, are taken aback by Yeonjun's action, your eyes widening as you and hoping they’ll just stop.

Namjoon regains his posture and immediately goes back to gripping Yeonjun's collar, this time more tightly. "You have no idea what you're talking about," he retorts, his voice low and dangerous.

Yeonjun laughs, a bitter edge to the sound. "How thick is your skull? You can’t see how she’s looking at you, even now?” he sneers. "She's always been thinking of you all this time! Even when I was fucking her—"

Before Yeonjun can finish his sentence, Namjoon's fist connects with his jaw, the force of the blow sending him staggering backward once more. Yeonjun stumbles again, his balance thrown off by the unexpected attack and he falls to the floor.

The room erupts into chaos as people nearby shout and gasp in surprise. Namjoon steps forward, his expression dark and unreadable as he advances on Yeonjun, who raises his hands defensively.

"Namjoon, stop!" Your voice cuts through the tumult, your tone urgent as you rush forward to intervene.

“Y/N, get away from them!” Jungkook runs towards you, trying to pull you away. Hoseok and Taehyung's faces are etched with concern as they rush to restrain Namjoon. Two other guys you recognize as Yeonjun’s close friends Soobin and Taehyun try to restrain Yeonjun as well.

You run towards Namjoon and with a strong pull, manage to move him away and make him snap out of his sudden rage. When he looks down at your eyes, he notices you're slowly sobbing, frustrated.

He turns to look at Yeonjun, sitting on the ground as Soobin and Taehyun tend to his bloody nose as a result of the punch.

As Namjoon's eyes meet yours, he registers the anguish reflected in your tear-filled gaze. The sight of your distress is like a bucket of cold water, jolting him out of his blind rage. Guilt washes over him as he realizes the impact his actions have had on you.

"Y/N," he murmurs, his voice thick with regret. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean—"

But before he can finish his apology, you turn away, your shoulders shaking with silent sobs. Your heart feels heavy with a mixture of emotions—anger, frustration, and overwhelming sadness. You feel stupid in a way. What are you upset about? Is it because he fought and hurt Yeonjun? Is it because of the pact he had with Yoongi and Jimin? Is it because Yeonjun touched upon growing feelings you tried to repress?

Probably, it’s all of the above.

Namjoon reaches out to touch your arm, his expression pleading. "We need to talk."

Should you talk to Namjoon? You’re starting to sober up a bit after all that, so maybe you should come clean to him about everything that has happened not only in the last few weeks, but the last few months.

And perhaps, it’s time to put an end to your feelings or let yourself be consumed by them.

“Okay, fine, let’s go outside," you whisper, your voice barely audible over the din of the crowd. You wipe your tears, calming your breathing to stop the sobs. Namjoon nods in agreement, his expression somber as he follows you through the crowd.

+++++++++++

“Why are you here?” You look down impatiently at Namjoon, who is now sitting on the sidewalk outside of the Eta Psi house.

John, Soyoon, and San stand outside, their expressions etched with concern as they searched for you earlier. Namjoon waves them away, urging them to retreat inside and grant you both some privacy. They comply reluctantly, casting worried glances over their shoulders as they leave. They didn’t witness the fight or Namjoon getting hit, but it is evident from the tear stains on your face and Namjoon's deflated demeanor that something bad happened. They will likely learn the details later from Jungkook, who will be sure to fill them in once they are indoors.

“What? Why are you here? At this party a few towns over, all alone?”

“I wasn't alone! I came here with Tae, Jungkook and Hoseok. But what the hell is wrong with you?” “What do you mean what the fuck is wrong with me? Yeonjun suddenly grabbed you. I was trying to protect you.”

“You didn’t need to protect me because I could’ve handled that! Way better than you, who started a fight!” you retort, your voice rising with anger.

Stunned, Namjoon huffs in disbelief, jaw working overtime. “You were standing there for a solid five minutes, hands shaking, and stuck in place!”

He saw that too? Shit. He’s right. You couldn’t even move, and once again it was just like the summer right before freshman year of college. Right when he broke up with you and the last time you ever faced him. You hate having to recall that day when it felt like all the love you poured into this human you cared for so dearly became dried up and nonexistent.

Not wanting to admit your faults and being in a partially drunk stupor, you let your cold nature take over.

“Who even asked you to do that?” you snap, your tone cold and defensive.

Namjoon only stares at you, unblinking and feeling the distance you suddenly put in between him. “Who asked me? Who–” he begins, but his words trail off.

This silence cuts through the night air. For once in your life, Namjoon cannot find the right words to articulate his thoughts. He suddenly looks flustered, debating what he should even say.

And in that second, your harsher features start to soften in realization. You regret your bitter question aimed at him and reflecting on your past trauma. Why did you have to say that? What the fuck is wrong with you? You used to be more calm and collective for fucks sake. Who even are you anymore?

Namjoon can be petty by nature too, though he’s never been like that toward you.

“Says the same person who’s been in a fuck buddies deal with Yoongi and Jimin.”

Silence once again. Except now, it is accompanied by a light shower. It’s raining.

Your mind, however, is very loud right now. Screaming internally with millions of questions. More importantly: How the fuck did he find out? Did the other guys spill to him? Or did he know all along? Since when?

“Joon, that’s just…it’s not…” Cat has your tongue now.

He chuckles bitterly, “Am I even mad? Nah, ‘mad’ doesn’t even cut it.” he mutters, his voice tinged with sadness. He looks down at his hands, now covered in droplets of rainwater, and sighs heavily. “I’ve been good at hiding it, but it’s been so fucking upsetting how stupid you three are for doing that. But how the fuck could I have confronted y’all?”

“Well if it weren’t for you making out with Jihyo at the party right in front my eyes, then this wouldn’t have happened. I just got so upset and ran off. Yoongi was only trying to comfort me, but I was the one who initiated everything. So if you’re going to hate someone, hate me.”

You may have lost Yoongi and Jimin, but the idea of Namjoon hating you and losing him hurts so much. But if you have to end things, might as well do it now.

So fucking much.

“No.” He mumbles.

“What?” “No.” Namjoon’s voice is much clearer, and definitive. He stares into your eyes, but before you can fully process his response, your own words spill out in a rush of guilt and self-loathing.

“Uh I’ve been sleeping with our other two best friends, and even that won’t get you to hate me?” Tears blur your vision and you struggle to formulate a coherent discussion of every selfish thing you’ve done. “I feel like the shittiest person alive right now! Yoongi and I basically did that out of frustration against you and Jimin becoming distant and changing. Then Jimin ended things with Irene because he liked me all this time and then he got caught up with me and Yoongi and now we got into a fight and–”

“I’m never going to hate you, Y/N.” Namjoon interrupts, his voice steady and filled with unwavering conviction. “Because even if you did that shit, it’s clear as day to me why you did all of that. It’s because you’ve been in love with me all this time too.” His words hang in the air, a profound acknowledgment of the truth that lingers between you.

There it is.

The thoughts you never wanted to address, not even to Yoongi on the night of the Gamma party.

Namjoon finally realized too. You hate to thank Yeonjun for making the dots connect in his mind.

“Well, congrats on opening Pandora’s box, because you’re right.” you murmur, your voice barely above a whisper.

Is he going to say something sassy, like ‘I’m always right!’? You wouldn’t even mind him shoving it in your face, because you deserve it after all. You got yourself into this mess.

Namjoon rises from the sidewalk and you find yourself enveloped in his warm embrace under the rain, his arms a comforting anchor amidst the turmoil of your emotions. In that moment, you realize that perhaps there’s still hope for the two of you, despite the mistakes and misunderstandings that have plagued your relationship. As you stand in Namjoon’s embrace, surrounded by the gentle patter of raindrops and the soft glow of streetlights, you find the courage to bare your soul to him.

“Namjoon,” you begin, your voice trembling with emotion, “Ever since we first became friends, I’ve felt something for you. It’s hard to put into words, but it’s always been there, just lingering beneath the surface.”

You pause, your thoughts drifting to the countless moments you’ve shared with him—the laughter, the tears, the late-night conversations that stretched into dawn about the most existential topics. From elementary until now. Each memory is etched into your heart, forming a tapestry of emotions that binds you to him in ways you never imagined possible.

“But it’s not just you,” you continue, your words spilling out in a rush of honesty. “Yoongi and Jimin, they’ve also carved out a place in my heart, each in their own way. It’s complex, messy, and kinda overwhelming.”

Your voice wavers as you confess the tangled web of emotions that have plagued you for so long. “But you, Namjoon…you’re the first love I never wanted to admit. I really wanted to take this to the grave if I could.”

Namjoon’s arms tighten around you, offering silent reassurance as you lay bare your deepest fears and desires. You already know how he feels, but him having the chance to hear you out probably eased every one of his own doubts and concerns.

As the rain continues to fall around you, casting a soft, ethereal glow over the scene, you feel a sense of serenity wash over you. The world around you fades into the background, leaving only you and Namjoon standing amidst the gentle rhythm of the rain.

With a newfound clarity, you tilt your head up to meet Namjoon's gaze, the air thick with anticipation. His eyes, dark pools of warmth and understanding, reflect the same emotions swirling within your own heart.

In this moment, there's no need for words. The unspoken longing between you hangs heavy in the air, a silent symphony of desire and yearning that binds you together.

Slowly, almost hesitantly, you reach up, your fingers tangling in the damp strands of Namjoon's hair. His breath catches in his throat as you draw him closer, your lips hovering just inches apart.

And then, with a surge of courage born from the depths of your heart, you close the distance between you, pressing your lips against his in a tender, tentative kiss.

The world seems to stand still as your lips meet, a symphony of emotions surrounding you, with a euphoric dizzying.You’re not sure if it’s the alcohol in your system doing that anymore. This is purely you in this moment suspended in time while the soft caress of your lips are against his.

For a heartbeat, you linger in the sweetness of the kiss, savoring the taste of rain and desire on his lips. And then, as if Namjoon becomes more confident in the moment, he deepens the kiss, your bodies moving in perfect harmony as you lose yourself in the intoxicating embrace of each other.

And this is where you realize, in the gentle patter of rain and the soft glow of streetlights, that this is where you belong—in Namjoon's arms, with his lips pressed against yours, in a world where love knows no bounds.

You pull away from the kiss, a soft giggle escapes your lips. The sound mingles with the gentle patter of raindrops around you. "I've wanted to do that for so long," you admit, a playful glint in your eyes. "Even when you were being annoying and scolding me at times, I thought it would've been better to shut you up with a kiss."

Namjoon's cheeks flush with a delicate shade of pink, his gaze shifting away shyly. "I...I wouldn't have minded," he confesses, his voice barely above a whisper. You love seeing this flustered side of him, and hope you can see more of it.

Before you can respond, the sound of wet footsteps interrupts the moment, and you turn to see John emerging from the house, followed closely by Soyoon, Jungkook, Hoseok, Taehyung, and San, who peer curiously from behind him.

"Are you lovebirds done over there?" John teases, a mischievous grin spreading across his face as he gestures to you and Namjoon.

You feel your cheeks heat up at his words, feeling embarrassed that you were likely caught kissing Namjoon. Though, besides John’s question, no one else comments on the situation. "Um yeah, I think I wanna go back home," you say, your gaze shifting to Namjoon, who nods in agreement. "I wasn’t feeling good earlier, had too much to drink." "That’s why I told you to be careful!" Jungkook chimes in, scolding you jokingly as he tries to earn some brownie points from Namjoon for looking out for you. “You didn’t say anything!” You expose him, eliciting laughter from everyone present. Even amidst the lighthearted banter, your mind drifts back to Yeonjun, more or less because you’re worried about him taking legal action against Namjoon. “Wait, is Yeonjun…”

“Yeonjun’s going to be fine," Jungkook reassures, making you sigh in relief. "Hueningkai and Beomgyu helped take him up to his room. He was pretty drunk, so we don’t think he’ll remember anything that happened tonight.”

Relief washes over you at Jungkook's reassurance about Yeonjun's well-being, the worry in your chest easing slightly.

“Alright, I’ll take you and the others back,” John announces, motioning for you to follow him to his car parked across the street from the frat house.

As you approach the vehicle, you turn to Hoseok, Taehyung, and Jungkook across the street. “Are you guys heading back too?”

Hoseok shakes his head with a smile. “Nah, we’ll stick around for a bit longer, make sure everything's all good here.”

“The night is still young for us, but go get some rest, Honey,” Taehyung says, gesturing for you to get in the car.

You give them a grateful smile, appreciating their willingness to stay behind and look out for any potential trouble.

With a final wave, you climb into John's car along with Namjoon, Soyoon, San, and John himself, ready to return back to campus. The engine revs to life, and soon you’re turning the street corner, leaving the chaos of the frat party behind you. As the streetlights flicker past, you lean back in your seat, feeling a sense of relief and contentment wash over you.

+++++++++++

“I’ll help take Y/N inside and then walk back home,” Namjoon tells John as he shuts the door of his car. “Alright, just text me when you make it back. Have a good night, guys.” John waves, exiting the parking lot in front of Hwasa’s dorm and disappearing in the distance. He dropped off Soyoon and San at their dorms across campus, so he is just headed back to his off-campus apartment. Before you swipe Hwasa’s student ID to enter her dorm, you suddenly feel your stomach churn with nausea. Maybe it was the ride back that made you queasy, or the fact that the only contents in your stomach were alcohol. Without warning, the urge to vomit hits you like a tidal wave, and you bolt towards a nearby bush, clutching your stomach in distress. Namjoon's eyebrows furrow in concern as he watches you rush away. He quickly follows, his footsteps echoing against the pavement as he reaches your side. Without hesitation, he holds your hair up to prevent the puke from sticking to it accidently.

You continue to retch, emptying the contents of your stomach into the bush, Namjoon stays by your side, offering silent support and comfort. His reassuring presence helps to calm your racing heartbeat, grounding you amid your discomfort.

“I-I…really hate throwing up so much,” you admit between gasps, your voice trembling with embarrassment.

“I know,” Namjoon replies softly, his tone understanding. “You should’ve been more cautious.”

You nod weakly, acknowledging his words even as you struggle to regain your composure.

“I know that,” you murmur, pushing yourself upright and wiping your mouth with the back of your hand. “But I was upset...sad…needed something to take my mind off of the stuff with Yoongi and Jimin.” You swipe access and enter the building together.

“Yeah, how did all of that happen?”

“Well, it’s a long story…”

And you proceed to tell him everything that happened, from the night you first had sex with Yoongi all up until the fight that Jimin initiated at Friday Night Game Night two weeks ago. While you told him the story, you got changed, brushed your teeth, and drank some water to rehydrate you after the vomiting. He sat on your bed, watching you do each task and listening to you carefully.

Once you’ve completed your routine, you join Namjoon on the bed, sinking into the soft mattress beside him.

“I think the answer is obvious, but we made that pact because we’ve been in love with you for a long time,” Namjoon begins, his voice soft as he gazes up at the twinkling string lights that adorn the room. “Sometime during junior year, we were at Yoongi’s house and just started talking about our feelings and didn’t know what to do.” He lays back against your pillows, sighing. “We didn’t want to ruin our friendship with you and we also didn’t want to make you uncomfortable,” Namjoon continues, his tone tinged with regret. “We didn’t think you’d like us back because you were occupied with other guys on your mind back then. So, at that time, we decided to agree that neither of us would pursue you and move on.”

“Except that Yoongi decided to say fuck it,” you interject with a wry smile, remembering the impulsive decision that changed everything.

Namjoon chuckles softly, shaking his head in amusement. “Yeah, we had tried to move on, though Yoongi probably couldn’t let you go, so he went for it. Can’t believe he did that, but I would’ve done the same if I were in his shoes.”

He turns to you, his expression earnest as he asks, "So, what are you going to do, Tiny? How are you planning to reconcile your friendship with them?"

You pause, feeling stress settle heavily on your shoulders once again. It’s a dilemma you’ve grappled with countless times, each solution more elusive than the last. "I still don't know," you admit, your voice tinged with uncertainty. "In an ideal world, I'd love to be with you and them, but is that even possible?"

Namjoon's eyes soften with understanding as he listens to your concerns. "That’s a thing, you know," he suggests tentatively. “It’s called being in a polycule together."

You gasp, the concept both surprising and intriguing. "A polycule?" you repeat, your mind racing with possibilities. "Do you think...could that really work?"

Namjoon nods thoughtfully, his gaze meeting yours with unwavering sincerity. "Maybe," he replies, his voice tinged with cautious optimism. "It's definitely something worth considering, but we'd all have to think about it more and talk it through together."

A polycule. You can’t deny how much you’d be down for the idea. The thought of being in a loving, supportive relationship with Namjoon, Jimin, and Yoongi is undeniably appealing. However, there are other things to consider, like the future of the relationship and how you could ever present this to your own families. No doubt your parents would get a heart attack. But maybe, you’d figure out how to make this work. You don’t have to publicly get married, maybe you could just frame it as being single forever with your other single best friends. It’d be like that article about the seven Chinese girlfriends buying a mansion to retire and die together.

You move to straddle Namjoon’s lap excitedly, “I want to try that,”

Namjoon's expression shifts from contemplative to surprised as you straddle his lap, the sudden change in proximity catching him off guard. He blinks, momentarily taken aback by your boldness, before a soft smile spreads across his lips.

You look at his beautiful deep brown dragon eyes, always so mesmerizing.Your heart flutters at the sight, reassured by the warmth in his gaze. You're acutely aware of the intimate closeness between you, the heat of his body seeping through the thin fabric of your clothes, igniting a flicker of desire deep within you.

For a moment, Namjoon doesn’t respond. He’s caught off guard, thinking about how cute you look being on top of him like this. When he doesn’t respond right away, you give him a puzzled look.

"You're only wearing underwear under your oversized Pokémon t-shirt?" He teases, his eyes twinkling with amusement.

“Huh?” Your cheeks redden, “Y-You could tell?”

“Yeah.”

Your heart skips a beat as Namjoon's hand brushes against your cheek, sending a shiver down your spine. His touch is gentle yet electrifying.

Before you can fully comprehend what's happening, Namjoon pulls you down, your lips meet his in a kiss full of need and desire.

As your lips meld together in a tender embrace, the kiss deepens, becoming more passionate and intense. You feel the gentle pressure of Namjoon's lips parting, inviting you into his mouth. With a soft whimper of desire, you accept the invitation, allowing your tongue to dance against his.

He starts undressing you, from your t-shirt to your panties, eager to finally have you after all this time. Once you’re naked, you pull yourself back up and let him bask in the view of you. He’s awestruck by the sight of your perky breasts.

He takes a moment to admire your curves, his eyes lingering on the way your rounded hips fit perfectly into your waist. He traces the line of your belly button with his fingertips, marveling at the way your skin feels under his touch.

You watch him, enjoying the way he looks at you, and suddenly you're desperate for more. You reach down and cupping his face, pulling his lips to yours in a deep, passionate kiss.

Your fingers trail down his arms, tracing the muscles beneath his shirt, as his hands slide up your sides, grazing your ribs before moving up to cup your breasts. His touch feels divine, his fingers gently tugging at your nipples, sending shivers down your spine.

His lips travel down your neck, leaving a trail of warm, wet kisses as he goes. You can't help but moan softly, your head falling back in pleasure. He runs his tongue over the swell of your collarbone, and then moves downward, his lips leaving a hot, wet trail as he goes. He sucks gently on your nipples, his tongue flicking against the sensitive skin.

You arch your back, enjoying the sensation of his mouth on your body. You feel his hands slide down your belly, the warmth of his fingers tracing circles on your skin. He kisses his way down your stomach, his lips leaving warm, wet kisses in a trail that leads to your hips.

You can feel the anticipation building up inside you. Your breath catches in your throat as he reaches the top of your thighs, his fingers brushing against the sensitive skin. You're not sure what he's going to do next, and that's part of the thrill.

He looks up at you, his eyes filled with desire. He moves to remove his sweatpants, his shirt, and finally his boxer briefs.

You watch him, your eyes widening as he stands before you, completely naked. It's the first time you've seen him without clothes, and it's a sight that takes your breath away. He's been your best friend for so long, and now here he is, vulnerable and exposed in front of you.

His erection sticks up prominently, a testament to his arousal. He's bigger than you expected, and the sight of it makes your heart race and your breath catch in your throat.

Before you can think about it, you reach out and touch him, tentatively wrapping your fingers around his shaft. It feels warm and hard in your hand, and you can't help but marvel at how it's throbbing beneath your touch.

He moans softly, and you can tell that he's enjoying your touch. You run your thumb over the head of his penis, feeling the slit that moistens with pre-cum. It's an intimate moment, and you can’t believe this is the first time you’re able to touch him this way.

You stroke him gently, feeling his muscles tense and relax as you do. His hips move subtly, as though he's enjoying your touch. You're grateful for his trust in you, and for the connection that's brought you to this moment.

As you continue to stroke him, you feel his hand on your thigh, gently running his fingers up and down your leg. It's a small gesture, but it means the world to you. It's a sign that he's not only comfortable with where this is going, but that he's also enjoying himself.

He leans in close, his lips brushing against his ear. "I'm so glad we're doing this," he whispers. "I've wanted this for so long,

“And I'm so glad you're here with me."

You can't help but feel a surge of emotion welling up inside you. This wasn't just about having sex with Namjoon, but the long, slow burning affection you and Namjoon have likely had for one another. You nod, your cheeks flushed with a mix of arousal and affection.

He smiles warmly at you, his eyes filled with love and desire. "I know you're nervous, but don't worry," he reassures you. "We'll take it slow."

You nod, swallowing hard as you take a deep breath. This moment feels like something you've been dreaming about for years, and you're both nervous and excited all at once.

Namjoon's fingers trail up your inner thigh, and you can't help but moan softly as his touch sends a jolt of pleasure straight to your core. You reach down, and tentatively guide his hand towards your now soaked core, your legs parting slightly to allow him access.

He gently slides his fingers between your labia, feeling the dampness and heat that awaits him. You gasp as his fingers brush against your clitoris, sending sparks of pleasure coursing through your body.

"Is this okay?" He murmurs, his voice low and filled with concern. You nod, unable to speak past the desire now coursing through you. “Words, please baby girl.”

The nickname immediately catches you offguard but you don’t comment on it. Your horniness yet again clouding your ability to question things.

“Y-Yes!”

With this confirmation, his fingers slide inside you, two, then three, stretching you gently as he explores your depths. You can't help but moan loudly, your body arching into his touch.

"You feel so amazing inside," he whispers, his fingers moving in and out of you in a steady rhythm. You can't help but thrust your hips into his hand, desperate for more.

He leans down and kisses you deeply, his tongue exploring your mouth as his fingers continue to thrust inside of you. Your body is alive with sensation, every touch, every kiss, every thrust sending waves of pleasure through you.

As he continues to fuck you with his fingers, you can feel your orgasm building. It starts as a gentle tingle, then grows into a throbbing need that courses through your entire body.

"I'm going to come," you gasp, your voice shaking with desire. Namjoon grins, his eyes shining with need as he increases the pace of his fingers, his thumb rubbing your clit in circles.

"That's it, baby girl. Cum for me," he urges, his voice low and filled with lust.

Every thrust of his fingers and every circle of his thumb brings you closer to the edge, until finally, you can't take it anymore. The band unwinds and you start to squirm in place.

You lay there, breathing heavily, waiting for the high to go down. You feel somewhat embarassed that he just did this to you and saw you come. You can’t help but want him more of his touch. You want him inside you.

"Namjoon," you breathe, your voice rough with desire. "I want you to be inside me."

His eyes flash with desire, and he pulls his fingers out of you with a soft pop. He moves towards the bed, his erection leading the way.

"Are you sure?" he asks, his voice deep and filled with anticipation.

You nod, your heart racing as you watch him position himself at your entrance. You can feel his knees between your legs, and the heat of his body presses against yours.

"You can do it without the condom, I’m on BC." you whisper, your voice shaking with nerves and desire. “I-I’m ready.”

With one smooth motion, Namjoon pushes himself inside you. You gasp at the sensation. Holy fuck, he’s huge. Can you really fit him in you? You’ve never experienced someone this big. Namjoon senses your discomfort and is about to ask if he should stop, however, you wave him off.

“Please keep going, Joon.” Your body clenches around his erection as he continues, filling you completely to the brim.

"Fuck," he mutters, his eyes locked on yours. "This feels better than I imagined."

He places his hand right below your stomach, and you can see the switch in his demeanor become darker. He smirks at you. “I can even feel myself right here”

“H-Holy shit,” These are the only words you can let out as he starts to further dominate you.

“I’m going to start moving, okay baby?”

“Mhm.” Just nodding in agreement, you brace yourself for what is about to come. Namjoon's eyes never leave yours as he begins to move inside of you, his thrusts slow and deliberate at first before growing more forceful with each passing second. You cry out with each stroke, your nails digging into his back as he fills you completely.

Your hips start meeting his movements, your body craving the sensation of him inside of you. You moan loudly, your body arching into his touch.

His cock slides in and out of you, each thrust bringing a new wave of pleasure that leaves you breathless. You reach up, your hands gripping his shoulders as he continues to fuck you.

"Fuck, you feel so good," he growls, his voice filled with lust. "You're so tight."

As he plunges deeper into you, he leans down and captures your lips in a passionate kiss. His tongue dances with yours, his hands gripping your hips tightly as he fucks you harder and faster. You don’t want it to end, but you can feel the building tension within you again, the waves of pleasure threatening to overflow.

Every thrust brings you closer to the edge, and you know that you're not far from coming again. You arch your back, your hips moving in time with his thrusts.

"I'm going to cum," you gasp, your voice shaking with need. Namjoon groans, his eyes locked.

"Then cum for me, baby girl," he growls, his voice deep and filled with lust. He thrusts harder and faster into you, his body bucking against yours as he drives himself deeper into you.

Every thrust of his hips sends another wave of pleasure coursing through you. Your body is alive with sensation, every touch, every kiss, every thrust sending you higher and higher.

You can feel your orgasm building, pulsing through your core, and you know that this time it will be even more intense than before. Your body is on fire, every nerve ending alive with desire, and you can feel your climax reaching its peak.

"That's it," Namjoon mutters, his voice ragged with desire. "Cum for me, baby girl. Let me feel you come on my dick."

The words send you over the edge, and you scream his name as you come, your body convulsing around his dick.

"F-Fuck!" you scream, your voice echoing through the room. "Joonie!"

He feels your muscles clenching around him, and he knows that he can’t hold on much longer. He slams into you one last time, his own release building to a shuddering climax inside you.

"I'm cumming," he groans, his voice hoarse with passion. "Fuck, I'm cumming!"

As you both reach the peak of your orgasms, your bodies are shaking with the intensity of the pleasure. Breathing heavily. Sweating tremendously from the heat. Your nerves feel alive, and the overwhelming desire for him grows stronger.

As the waves of aftershocks subsided, he pulls out of you gently, his cock glistening with your wetness. He breathes heavily, his eyes filled with laughter as he helps you clean up. It has been quite the experience, and you both know that this will probably become a regular part of your love life.

After cleaning up, he helps you into bed, spooning you from behind. You can feel that he was still hard under the sheets, and you giggle at his persistence.

"Joonie, you're still hard," you whisper, a smile on your face.

"I know, but I don't want to cum again just yet," he replies, his voice low and filled with desire. "I want to hold you like this for a while." He caresses your cheek gently.

You snuggle into his arms, your heart full of love for him. You drift off to sleep for a bit, before you wake up again wanting to do it again. This time, spending time pleasuring him. You suck his dick and deepthroat it, despite his worries.

With this event, you know that your life will never be the same again. Namjoon has forever changed you, as well as Yoongi and Jimin and you couldn't be more grateful.

All that is left is figuring if you can make the polycule idea a reality.

Would it be insane if you’d try it? If you helped initiate the virginity race, then you could do this too. +++++++++++ [Extra POV]

Meanwhile, inside the house, chaos slowly dissipates as Soobin and Taehyun rush to tend to Yeonjun's bloody nose on the floor. Jungkook, guilt-ridden, is apologizing profusely for his friend's actions, his words tumbling out in a rush of remorse.

Beomgyu and Hueningkai, Yeonjun’s other close frat brothers, arrive on the scene. Beomgyu's laughter ringing through the air as he chides Yeonjun for his reckless behavior.

"Man, you're lucky Namjoon didn't knock you into next week!" he jokes, though there's an edge of concern in his voice. “Can’t believe you thought it was fine to go up against a guy three times bigger than you!”

“Beomgyu, shut the fuck up. I don’t want to hear it.” Yeonjun groans as he holds a crumpled tissue paper to his nose waiting for the bleeding to stop.

Hueningkai turns to Jungkook, Taehyung and Hoseok, sighing, "Guys, your friend Namjoon needs to get out of here soon before the cops decide to show up from the commotion," he says, his tone urgent.

Hoseok nods in agreement. "He'll be out soon," he assures them. “They’re outside talking it out. If they don’t wrap it up in 15 minutes, I’m dragging his ass to John’s car or Jungkook’s.”

“Yoooo, what the hell happened?” Soyoon chimes in with John and San trailing behind her. She looks at the sight in the living room all confused.

“The guy on the floor is Honey’s ex and Namjoon fought him because he was being an ass.” Jungkook summarizes, make the three nod in understanding.

“God, can you all shut up and stop talking about–” Yeonjun winces in pain, making Soobin panic.

Taehyun, his patience wearing thin, scolds Yeonjun sternly. "Well, what did you think was going to happen?" he chastises. "Jungkook told me Namjoon is in the gym five times a week, and all you do is shotgun beers and chase tri delts."

Taehyung chuckles at the remark, unable to resist the humor in the situation. "Yeah, you might want to rethink your strategy next time, buddy," he quips, though there's an underlying seriousness to his tone.

“I wanted to be friends with Y/N again.” Yeonjun slurs, his lips pouting out. “Can I have another drink?”

“But you see where that got you!” Soobin intervenes. "And no!” He firmly denies Yeonjun's request for another drink. "You've had enough drinks for one night, Jjun.”

Yeonjun grumbles in protest, but Soobin's resolve is unwavering. With a supportive arm, he helps Yeonjun stand up, steadying him as they both rise. "I think you should go to bed," Soobin suggests softly, his tone gentle yet firm. "We'll handle slowly dispersing people out and tell them to go to another party."

Yeonjun nods. Beomgyu and Hueningkai step forward to offer their assistance. Beomgyu slings an arm around Yeonjun's shoulders, offering him a supportive grip, while Hueningkai moves to steady him from the other side.

"Let's get you to bed, man," Beomgyu says with a sympathetic smile, his tone reassuring.

Yeonjun leans on them for support, grateful for their presence as they navigate through the crowd.

But as he stumbled along with his friends' support, Yeonjun couldn't ignore the nagging feeling of regret gnawing at him. Maybe he shouldn't have been so hostile, towards you or Namjoon. It wasn't fair to you at all. It wasn’t why he wanted to talk to you anyways

He couldn't shake the guilt that washed over him as he thought about your past together. He'd acted out of jealousy and hurt, hoping to reclaim a piece of something that was long gone. But now, faced with the consequences of his actions, he realized how foolish he'd been.

With this, he’s closing the door forever.

All he wanted was to crawl into bed and sleep off the alcohol-induced haze.

tbc !!!!! :D

a/n: 3 MORE CHAPTERS LEFT. we are getting closer and closer to the eventual polycule we might get... or not. this was probably the most exciting chapter to write because it was planned since LAST AUGUST. literally before any chapter of this series dropped. rae and i had been plotting the yeonjun v. namjoon fight since then and ironically yeonjun was in apartment 404 and filmed a fight scene. so thank me for manifesting yeonjun fighting lmao. it took me a little over a month to write because i had job interviews and rae was busy with life/school to edit as well so apologies on the delay, but it is here now. i will try to work on ch 10 and make sure it doesn't take to long, but i have to be job searching so it might take some time again. the goal is to finish this series before the anniversary in late august so we will see. would love to hear y'alls thoughts or theories on what will happen to our favorite quad and the rest of the house next chapter. thank you all for reading!

➸ let me know what you think OR join the taglist! ➸ love u lately series masterlist

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thedawningofthehour · 6 months ago

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Ok, I just swallowed like, 5 hours of video explaining the whole fallout story and now that I know more or less what's going on, I can say that I really want a Fallout Rottmnt.

The Idea of Donnie creating his own brotherhood of steel is so cool, he would probably name it something like, the order of atomic lass or something, and all the armors would have phosphorescent lights and speakers included,

I just pictured Donnie downloading Shelldom into the enclave computer and pretending to be the president.

If Leo joins a cult it will only be to get high on dangerous substances and participate in orgies, if he realizes that the children of the atom don't do that he will skidaddle.

Mikey is dedicated to domesticate wild mutant beasts in order to create delicious dishes.

And Raph, he's just chilling out helping local farmers, occasionally wrestling supermutants.

While Draxum is out there in his mutant faction negotiating a truce with the NCR that he will definitely break later until one day he just:

Draxum: I haven't seen the guys in a while, where are they?

Splinter: oh, they left to explore the wasteland about... Three months ago?

Draxum: THEY WHAT!!!

Geeze, you have a better attention span than me. I'm guessing a lot of that was a rundown on the events leading up to the Great War, and then obviously the events of each game and the different factions at play. That's a lot of summarizing you sat through.

A quick note for other people on the Brotherhood of Steel: their entire thing is preserving and controlling advanced technology, with some factions evolving to start developing it on their own. Their core dogma is that humanity can't be trusted with the means to destroy itself. Which...considering this is a universe where humanity literally did nuke itself to the brink of extinction, you can't really say they're wrong. They are also very cultish. Which Donnie would probably consider more of a bonus, honestly. Donnie can't join them unfortunately because they are racists. Their relationship with mutants and ghouls differ based on the chapter-the Mojave chapter is neutral towards the mostly peaceful Black Mountain super mutants until Tabitha takes over, and the East Coast chapters recruit from 'impure' wastelanders who all have minor mutations-but overall, they are very fucking racist and blood purity is a huge tenet of their beliefs. (I know there are mutant and ghoul members in Fallout: Brotherhood of Steel, but that's...we don't talk about that game. It's not canon and we generally pretend it didn't happen) The East Coast chapters probably wouldn't shoot Donnie on sight, but they would never accept his help nor acknowledge his brilliance, no matter how hard it smacks them in the face.

But oh my god, Donnie would pimp out power armor like a crazy man. He'd have such a fucking blast too, like it stops being about armor at some point and just starts being Pimp My Ride: Tin Can Edition. I could see him joining up with the Atom Cats to bitch about what pricks the Brotherhood are and doing the funkiest paint jobs.

They'd 100% accept Donnie immediately and invite him to their poetry night.

Also, lol Donnie getting access to the ZAX computer at Raven Rock and only using it to insert Shelldon into the mainframe.

I imagine he doesn't even delete Eden, he just lets him go on as normal and just occasionally interspersing his radio broadcasts with twenty-second clips of Shelldon doing a really derogatory impersonation. And occasionally subbing in heavy metal music.

I mean, maybe the Children of Atom do that? Not the original sect, they're pretty benign, but the guys running around shooting gamma guns at people and praying over nuclear dumping grounds? They imprisoned a Glowing One in a lighthouse and started worshipping it, those guys must be on some stuff. Or the guys living in the Crater, they could totally be having orgies where you don't see them. Then again, they do all have radiation poisoning. I feel like your skin sloughing off kills the mood.

I could see Leo joining to cross 'join a cult' off his bucket list, thinking it's just some kooky outfits and maybe he'll get to speak in tongues or whatever and it'll be a fun story to lord over Donnie later. The Children would probably think he's divine or something since he's immune to radiation and has such a powerful mutation. Which would stroke his ego so much.

But then people are drinking ghoul piss and irradiating themselves to the point of shitting out their bowels and he decides to nope out. Shit's too weird even for him. The question is whether the Children would let him leave.

Mikey is doing the same thing he is in Todd's mutant town, just playing Fallout 4 Settlement Builder and making the cutest little homesteads.

Raph would be mistaken for a super mutant a lot. And it would drive him crazy because under normal circumstances he would really like to be friends with some super mutants, but they're all so mean! Why are they all cannibals?! Yes, he likes to smash, but not so lethally!!

They do like dogs though, which Raph appreciates. He would absolutely adopt a mutant hound. (not a centaur though; those freak him out) And they're communists, though I feel like Raph is more of a capitalist-apologist. He's got the spirit, he's just ill-informed.

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cto10121 · 1 year ago

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Re-watching the New Moon movie and I have many Thoughts(tm), namely

Why is the cinematography is so warm toned compared to the first movie when New Moon is the most depressing book and truly the worst era of Bella’s young life: A Mystery in 2 Hours

At least Pattinson!Edward looks a little better than usual. They put him in these crisp suits. Very nice (Edit: Never mind, that awful Volturi bathrobe with the pasty-ass makeup was horrific yuck, yuck, yuck)

They just had to introduce Jacob this early on, didn’t they? And ofc Bella is much more emotive and gets all the witty dialogue with him (!!). In the books she is much more romantic and wittier with Edward as a whole. Jacob tended to bring out her immature side

“How come Jacob Black gets to give you a gift and I can’t?” “Because I have nothing to give back to you” Nice to know the screenwriter(s) still doesn’t understand the Bedward dynamic. And by nice I mean horrific

…What film version of R&J are they watching??? It’s not the ‘30s version and definitely not the ‘60s or ‘90s one. Is it the ‘70s BBC one? In the book it was the ‘60s version, which is the correct answer. Did they not get the rights? Also, also, why are the human characters much more affected by R&J than Bella and Edward????

“[Romeo] Killed his only love out of sheer stupidity” “Yeah” Oh no, no, no, no, movie, you are not going to make Bella, a close Romeo iteration, agree with Edward!!! Edward is meant to be 100% wrong by his take. Dumbass script!!!

Edward: “Eyes, look your last” 😐 Couldn’t Pattinson just inject a little bit more feeling into his line reading? Most of Edward’s objections were Romeo’s actions, not his suicide. These are the lines Edward can and should relate to.

The movie people garbing the Volturi in 18th century clothing when they are older than the Romans is just laughable

“Dating an older woman. Hot.” Okay, Emmett is 💯, no notes. Definitely erred on the side of frat boy, but you know what, it’s fun and ho boy do these movies lack it

Bella holding up her whole bloody finger in a coven of vampires 💀 Why, movie

Stewart!Bella’s chemistry with almost everyone else in the cast (that scene with Carlisle tending her wound!!!) but Pattinson!Edward confirms what I have known all along: Film and real life chemistry are very different and they shouldn’t be confused. The proof is in the celluloid.

I’m just going to call it: Stewart and Pattinson are modern subtle quirky actors playing what are essentially neo-Gothic star-crossed lover roles. They absolutely should never have been considered for these parts at all by a competent director. Absolutely not fitting at all

“You’re just not good for me.” Hmm, this is what Bella believes about herself, not Edward. I suppose Edward could have done it on purpose, but the fact that he was flabbergasted his lie worked indicates that he doesn’t. Movie just straight up portrays him as more manipulative than in the books, where he just lies baldly

Oh God the months-on-the-screen thing was terrible. This movie fails so much at portraying Bella’s depression, it hurts. It’s like visual SparkNotes

The Bella-writing-to-Alice device sucks. Not too badly, but still. We had her voiceover in the first movie without any problems but for this one, we need a justification? Also, it fuels the Bella/Alice fan dumb something awful

Really dislike the way they did Hallucination!Edward with the ghostly transparent effect. It’s corny and also…way to pass up a chance at some mystery and intrigue by just having Edward be there without any special effects (maybe keep the echoing voice). I guess they really didn’t want people confused and think he returned when he didn’t. But c’mon.

Movie Bella going off with the biker 🤮 Book Bella at her most insane would never. The only good thing about it is that it does lead to Bella having an interest in motorcycles. Efficient movie storytelling and all that.

“Bella, where the hell have you been, loca?” Wonder why this line became so meme-worthy. It’s by far not the worst (“spider monkey” is perhaps the most awful) and Lautner’s delivery was natural enough. Is it the random Spanish? It is random.

Bella is already smiling at her first scene with Jacob…this movie is just awful at selling her desolation. Meanwhile Jacob’s first thought was how awful Bella looked

The Quileute characters are well-cast and nicely played so far, and their banter is good. Emily especially is beautiful and her scar makeup was convincing. Great

Book: “He took off his shirt” Movie: He took off his ~~~~shirt 😍

Laurent’s arrival and his death should have been a much better and weightier scene than we got. God, the pacing is so bad in this movie. Jacob becomes a werewolf, Bella finds the meadow, Laurent suddenly arrives—all within a minute or so. Ugh

“As soon as you put the dog out.” Damn, why, movie? Book Alice did not begin the slurs until she was well and truly angry. But sure, let’s do some really obvious racebaiting 🙄

Whoa, whoa, whoa, Jacob KNEW he was talking to Edward and not Carlisle????? Movie, wtf? And all to save up on some screen time…sigh

Bella: “I can let you go now.” What. The. Fuck. Movie????? Not only could she not let Edward go, Bella never wanted to let him go. That was and had never been her arc!!! She would have gone to Edward regardless of anything!!! I hate this, I hate this oh GOD

No, I’m not done, I need another bullet point for this BS. The whole reason why Twilight was picked up to be adapted in the first place was because Hollywood execs saw “Ooh Romeo and Juliet with vampires 🤑” written all over this one…only for the actual filmmakers to just say, “Actually her whole ~journey this movie is letting go of Edward uwu” Poor Meyer…she just had to grin and bear it until she became the producer, I suppose

*Bella and Edward having a whole-ass conversation and making out* *Felix and Demetri watching in the shadows*: “So…should we interru—” “Don’t you DARE” “Felix” 🤣 I’m sorry, but this whole “I lied I do love you” convo should have been in the bedroom scene proper; there are literal Volturi about!!! Also, also, no “Amazing. Carlisle is right”!!! No Romeo quote!!!! Fie, for shame

Dakota Fanning as Jane…Well, probably not perfection, but she is great as usual. The Volturi got done so dirty overall, though—they look and act like Vampire Diaries rejects.

THAT ELEVATOR SCENE, OH GOD. So much meme potential. Why does this series keep injecting humor and comedy where there shouldn’t be and just ditching the actual humor and comedy of the actual books?????

Again, these Volturi gives me discount Vampire Diaries. Also, that chamber is so damn small. Where is the mystique, the grandiosity?There should be a crowd of vampires around, it’s their dinnertime.

Michael Sheen is just too British for the la tua cantante, lol. He also says something else (“Forse le vostre l’uno per altro”??? The accent is just too thick). He’s way too handsy (movie, they’re regular vampires who are sharks!!) but overall I guess his creepy-genteel approach works. Again, the cringy script fucks him over, as it does everyone. The movie has him touch Edward only now and not immediately when he meets him. Oh, God.

Edward just stumbling forward to Jane’s demonstration on Bella 💀 Jane saying “Pain” and Edward just standing there instead of collapsing 💀 Stewart!Bella freaking out and begging them to stop…actually, no, there she did very well, I liked it

Edward and Felix fighting ewwww…and with that awful slow-mo. What’s with these movies and including non-canonical battle shit???? Also, Aro would not order Bella’s execution if simply because he wants to collect Edward/Alice and Bella once she turns (it’s obvious she is a shield).

Of course fucking Alice speaks up at the very last minute before Aro chomps on Bella!!! When she would have had a vision of this exact scenario!!! This movie I swear!!!

THEY ACTUALLY SHOW THE VISION OF VAMPIRE BELLA, OH GOD. AND WITH THE CORNY SLOW-MO. KILL ME

“Once Alice changes me, you can’t get rid of me.” Okay, Movie Bella is officially more interested in immortality than Edward, the exact opposite of her book counterpart. Dishonor on your cow, Rosenberg.

“Jake, I love you.” Aaaaaand it’s official, the movies are definitely Team Jacob. Fuck you, too, movie

#new moon #twilight #cristina watches #the twilight saga #it’s a special kind of trainwreck apart from the first movie #also what was with patt!edward’s makeup here ew #they ruined the volturi why #also this movie was so team jacob it wasn’t funny #billy burke once again being the best #poor meyer…i mean it could have been worse definitely #also the scoring sucked #super generic and anemic

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fangbangerghoul · 1 year ago

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This WIP Wednesday edition is going to be a little different this week!

Before I started Fleeting Pleasures, I looked to tumblr for Crimson Fleet ideas and my mutuals did not disappoint!

I remembered forever ago I promised I would eventually post a collection of their concepts and ideas for everyone to use and enjoy. So, in honor of being close to the end of my Crimson Fleet series I thought it was appropriate to share some of the inspiration I had received in the beginning!

This is going to be a collection of their suggestions and inspiration I used for my fic! along with some special thanks

(if your name is tagged you are tagged to post your WIP Wednesdays, yes I know I cheated.)

Crimson Fleet Hobbies:

@bearlytolerant: -They run around with jars of dirt and drink all the rum! -On a more serious note probably practice a niche hobby. -Definitely drinking and card games. -Brawls. -Getting tattoos. -Maybe giving tattoos. -Probably sex of all kinds.

@spookyspecterino : -Absolutely, hands down, gambling and card games. -They probably have like a deadpool thing going on, where they take bets on who will die during a robbery/job first. -Arm wrestling. -Knife fights. -Listening to metal/hard rock/grunge music. -Harassing ships on the edge of the settled systems for fun, not necessarily killing them, just getting really close to doing so and then leaving them stranded. -Also, playing fucked up pranks on one another

@freestarmantis : I like to think the fleet has invented their own entertainment also fight rings because who doesn't have combat sports these days

@5oh5 -100% getting and giving tattoos, maybe even once someone got pranked and they started one on him in his sleep and then he woke up and freaked so now it’s just a line that goes sideways 😂 definitely brawls and fights and drinking and card games. Is there a space version of mermaids? Lmao. Thanks for giving me more fun shit to think about as I work today 😂🖤

@aro-pancake : I had a DnD table of pirates once. It ended because of a awful player that almost made me cry on how much he was fucking shit up. It kinda popped back up with the idea of a Crimson Fleet DnD table, where they have to sail the Earth's seas and battle sea creatures. Also, it would be fun if they started it after finding a DnD set on a raided ship, and kept the owner as a DM

The fanfic that gave me the inspiration to write a Delgado/Sam/Ghoul fic in the first place:

Bear delivering the best Delgado shots and gifs:

Special shout out to these three individuals who proofread, beta read, stayed up late with me brainstorming, and just were as excited as I was to tell the story of Fleeting Pleasures! I am so honored to have a Scorpio gang like yall to help me see this to the end!

@spookyspecterino : I know she's been MIA but she has some of the best lines for Delgado, read her fic above and check out her masterlist!

@bearlytolerant : She is the pillar of the Delgado community and I stand by it! Her gameshots, GIFS, and HC's are my favorite in the buisness. Plus she makes me feel sane with how equally obsession she is to our King Pirate. Her work, Split Skin is an incredible ride so far!

@thatsgoodsquishy0 : She is such a talented writer and secretly a god tier editor. She helped with a lot of the direction and tone of my writing plus she is just so supportive! Her Fic: There is a Light That Never Goes Out is a masterpiece in the making!

#starfield #starfield fanfiction #wip wednesday #fleeting pleasures #ghoul vibes only #sam coe fanfiction #crimson fleet #delgado #starfield delgado

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strongsadapologist · 7 months ago

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what did strong sad ever do? if anyone you would need a strongbadapologist

(note: I headcanon strong sad as transfem and will be using she/her throughout this post out of habit, sorry if that's confusing)

SHE DIDN'T!!! that's the thing, she's done NOTHING TO JUSTIFY HOW SHE'S TREATED!!! at least not to the level that she's mistreated!! i'm going to have a TL;DR up front because dear god can i rant about how mistreated she is in the show!! and i will under the cut!! sorry if this takes a while to actually post it is after midnight and i have work in about five hours so i might stop writing in the middle of it!! but anyway back to the ask at hand!!

short version: i use "apologist" in the "i will defend this character with my heart and soul" way instead of the "they're bad in canon but i will ignore that because i like them" sort of way. i've seen a lot of people actually treat her character with the respect she deserves outside of canon but in canon she's constantly put down for things that are either out of her control or made worse by those around her, and because of this i will fight for her honor until i die. it is simply the role i have been destined to play /j

(edit: i'm also just terrible at coming up with names for things. i wanted to rebrand because my old blog name was based on an old fixation and i wanted it to represent how normal i am about homestar runner instead, strong sad is my favorite character so i wanted it to have something to do with her. and the best i could come up with was "strong sad apologist" because at the time of choosing it i'd only seen a few sbemails with her in them, but multiple were mean to her and i didn't understand why. so it's a mix of being bad at naming things and "strong sad apologist" sounding better than something like "strong sad simp" /hj)

long version: WHY DO SO MANY CHARACTERS AND PEOPLE IN THE SERIES TREAT HER BAD dude. like i'm sorry but literally the sixth strong bad email, the first one that she plays a major role in, is called "depressio" and the email reads "tell strong sad he is dumb and a crappy guy." what did she do to you?!? SIX EMAILS IN?!? h*r had been going before the strong bad emails became a series sure but BRO!!! i should clarify that i'm relatively new to h*r and have only seen the first 100 or so strong bad emails, and even fewer of the toons, but that's enough for me to be confident that she is horrifically mistreated. i've seen exactly one interaction where she wasn't being demeaned or put down in some fashion, and it's the scene from "where's the cheat?" where her and homsar are playing connect four. technically, in the ween toon where coach z asks about her beautiful house and beautiful wife, that's also a non-demeaning interaction, but it exists so they can make a reference to the talking heads, so i don't count it. and there could be more, but i either don't remember them or haven't seen them yet.

strong bad especially man, i don't understand what the hell his problem is. the argument could be made that he's mean to everyone, especially homestar and the cheat, but it's borderline uncomfortable to watch him onscreen when he decides that strong sad is apparently satan reincarnated, and he needs to haze her as much as possible to make sure she stays degraded enough to not rise up or whatever. i'm tired, i hope that makes sense. essentially, i hate whenever they're both onscreen, because it usually involves him being unnaturally cruel to her. whether it be putting her underwear up for auction to get her off the couch so he can watch tv, or putting coffee powder in her orange juice (i mean, it was decaf coffee powder, so that might just be her incredibly low caffeine tolerance, but the sentiment is still mean as hell), or using the fact that he put coffee powder in her orange juice to do a science fair project and having his end conclusion be that she's adopted, or throwing a cake in her face because she (rightfully based on the original email) assumes he's going to do something nice for her, he just can't fathom not being a dick to her. and the fact that it's implied that he gave her her belly button with a power drill...what the hell, man? i feel like a cartoon review youtuber talking about modern spongebob, this isn't even funny cruel. it's just cruel cruel.

i'm not going to pretend i dislike strong bad as a character. i think his character is at its best when he's done something douchey, but he gets rightfully called out for/put down for it. that's why i don't hate an email like stand-up like i do depressio. one feels like a rightful callout or a way to show the audience that a character who always portrays himself as an untouchable is embarrassingly human as well. the other feels like finding someone passed out in an alleyway and kicking them in the nuts instead of trying to help.

in her blog she mentions multiple times in which both strong bad and strong mad make her life worse, whether it be by having storm water drain into her room and right above her head, or by having strong mad kick/punch (i don't remember which one off the top of my head) her in the side of her knee, or by strong bad leaving sticky notes on her face while she's sleeping proclaiming how awesome he is before coming in and hijacking her blog. and that's just from one page of her blog! what's the meanest thing strong sad's done back, covering the series as a whole and not one offshoot of it? remove strong bad's couch eggs in morning routine? say that strong bad's computer that exploded and sent him flying through two walls into her room was cheap in gimmick? show the audience little strong bad's stand-up routine in stand-up? not go to the store because she went last time? that last one is from the first episode of strong bad's cool game for attractive people, homestar ruiner, and if you trigger this dialogue by opening the fridge, you can walk approximately 10 feet and find a house plant that belongs/belonged to strong sad, and strong bad tells the audience that the plant killed itself after strong sad started talking to it. and when she points out that that's not true, he says, to quote him verbatim, "that's not what the note said!" obviously, him doing things that are worse won't cancel out anything bad she's done. but that's irrelevant, because the most she's "done wrong" is say some slightly mean/insensitive comments towards strong bad and embarrasses him exactly one time that i'm aware of. is it wrong of her to show something that strong bad is clearly embarrassed by? sure, and that's a fair point. however, considering strong bad consistently participates in the strong sad lookalike contest, which she says she's insulted by (and excited by, but that's less important), i consider it completely fair game.

in my eyes, her only crimes are A. having depression (which is obviously not her fault, and it's implied that she's being medicated to help with her depression [i assume that's what her pills are for, anyway], so she's potentially making an effort to lessen her depressive symptoms), B. being depressing as a result of her mental illness (which is only exacerbated by living in a home where her housemates/siblings seemingly hate her and treat her like dirt, only having one person not actively be mean or indifferent to her), C. being overweight (which i shouldn't even have to explain why that, in no way, means she should be treated as subhuman), and D. being artsy/having interests (which she does more in newer h*r content as a way to flesh out her character besides just being depressed/depressing, so it's very unclear what strong bad actually wants besides a punching bag). i'd like to imagine that if she ever realizes her worth and moves away from the house of strong, potentially even free country usa as a whole, she'd find people who'd actually appreciate her for her creativity, either agree with or try to lighten her gothic outlook on life, and wouldn't try to sell her legs to poachers.

(...but i'm also wearing a shirt with her on it as i write this, so take all of this with a grain of salt. for reference, she also says the line "food should be consumed in the most depressing way possible" in her blog, and i just ate a bowl of pizza rolls while sitting on my floor at 1 in the morning, so maybe i'm quick to defend her because some stuff just rings too close to home for me to not defend it, lest they talk down on me by condemning things i do. especially since i actually like sloshy, which i'm pretty sure exists just to point out that strong sad's music taste is bad [and so's mine, to be fair]. i could be completely misinterpreting that, and sorry if i am. but i'm mostly partial to her for the same reason i'm partial to characters like meatwad - they're picked on for illegitimate reasons by a douchebag brother figure, and they don't deserve that at all. i could treat them right, in a platonic way. if you actually read all of this, i not only thank you, i also hope this makes some amount of sense. i am very tired. it is currently 1:54 am at the time of writing this out. i need to be at work in four hours. i've spent almost two full hours writing this one post out. i am SO fucking normal)

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barlowstreet · 9 months ago

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I am so fucking proud of you! May I ask how your group project ended up going?

Thank you!!!

Honestly yeah I have tea, let's spill.

Under a cut for long math drama because WOW that a whole thing

Alright, so for anyone who missed it, the group project assignment was fairly simple. It was literally just pick an article about mathematical modeling (he suggested using covid 19 as a topic), read it, present our findings to our class. Four people in my group, 10 minute long at most presentation, could have all probably be done in 30 minutes, right? We started this March 20th and it was due April 10th, today.

I picked the article, sent it to my group partners, they were like "yeah sure that works". I set up a word document through office 365 which we all have access to through our school that we could all just put our notes in and I put my part in March 20th. And then I took a whole bunch of cold medication because that was when I was sick.

Then no one did anything. I emailed them again reminding them, hey, we do gotta do this April 5th. The one girl did hers that day. The guy in my group did his April 7th. I also made a powerpoint at that point because I was like "I am not just talking to the camera here, I need a prop". (I get camera shy and do a lot better if I have props.)

The other girl in my group? The last email I got from her was never. She never replied to a single one of my emails. We talked in class once in a breakout room, where I said "I will email you all, I have no voice and am very sick and it's probably easier to just use email" and she was like, "Yeah, sounds good." So to be clear, she knew I was going to email her.

I get to class today and the guy in my group is not there. Okay, sure, fine, one of us can read his part. GirlA messages me in the zoom chat and is like "did GirlB ever send you anything?" and I have to be like, "No. I have a slide with just her name on it, do we want to just be petty and pause on it for a moment when we get there?" and she was like "Yeah tbh she didn't reply to any of our emails and do any work, what else do we do".

(Meanwhile we were talking about grades and GirlB asks the instructor why he never gave her a time slot to do one of our quizzes. It was a take home quiz. He said that SEVERAL times in class but I suspect she isn't actually there a decent amount, she just opens the zoom link and does other things. But our classes are recorded. Watch the recording at least?)

And then GirlB messages me. At 7:25pm. And says, "I sent you my notes."

My class, I will tell anyone who doesn't know, is 6:30pm to 9:30pm. We were in class. Other people were presenting, and I'm frantically adding things to the powerpoint presentation that I made. AND she somehow didn't actually change the online version of the powerpoint (because I enabled editing for that too) so she had to send it to me.

And she sent it as a PDF.

Anyways, me and GirlA sounded like we knew what we were talking about. I fake being good at speaking well and she made a good joke that made her seem a little more relaxed. I will say that the other girl did send me a couple of diagrams which made things look nice, but she really struggled with presenting it and sounded very awkward.

Oh and the guy showed up literally in the middle of our presentation, which, you know, I'll take since I didn't have to present his part.

We sorta could tell that GirlB handed in a bunch of assignments technically late and her grade was probably Not Good so honestly the fact that we all got 100% on the presentation probably did her a lot of good.

And I swear to god, most of it is because people are impressed by powerpoint. GirlA, when we were gossiping, she thanked me for doing "all that work" on the powerpoint when, like, it took me 10 minutes because I downloaded a vaguely math-y looking powerpoint theme XD So, life lesson, a good looking powerpoint presentation will take you a long way.

#asks #answered #Anonymous #thanks for asking!#so many people who did their presentations just clearly did not understand what they were saying #if this were an english class they would all get docked for plagarism #because they had clearly copy and pasted large chunks of information and were just reading it

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joyeeuxe · 2 years ago

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Reading Chong Yue operator file

(with some, i mean a lot of commentary)

I really adore him ughhhh, a good big brother we finally deserve

I used google translate to tl texts from aceship so it might not be 100% accurate, keep it in mind. Will edit here and there if i find more reliable translations

And let's see

Chong Yue works as martial instructor (he taught wushu) in RI

Ling requested Doctor not too overwork.assign him to many missions since Chong Yue came to RI to rest

Chong Yue files censored his combat skill test result as ■■

His medical test indicates that he has normal body, a very well worked out one (the one who wrote seems kinda thirsty lmao)

Archive 1

He has strict morning exercise routines everyday and because he teaches martial art, everyone learning with him are expected to follow his routine

NIAN ROPED HIM INTO HER MOVIE PROJECT LMAO

Everyone noted that he is just a normal guy™ compared to his little sisters

They said he is gentle and nice person auhwhdwjjs da ge

Archives 2

Initially other OPs are avoiding him because they think he is a serious person

But then when other OPs discovered he have many hobbies (wood carving, literature, poetry and brewing coffee etc) they started to invite him to various said activities and got shocked when he accepted their invitation lmaoo

He is interested in modern cultures and open to try new things

When he joined the movie production, he learned how the technologies relating to film making in two months 😭 he's a fast learner huh

EVERYONE BASICALLY SAYING HE IS OLD BUT NOT REALLY A TECH BOOMER HELLPP

Archives 3

Nian said that Dusk was reluctant (?) To see Chong Yue when he visited, so she created a painting of her and a hut with surrounding mountains (she basically trapped Chong Yue inside her painting for a whole night). And by the morning, Chong Yue basically shattered the painting and Dusk asked when did he find out, he replies he knows from the start because which big brother that doesn't recognize his little sister? (Chong Yue knows that the 'Dusk' accompanying throughout they day/night was just a painting) and Nian commented that Chong Yue was playing along just to make Dusk happy

Chong Yue was trying to persuade Dusk to go and live with him and Ling at the frontline (basically he doesn't want her to be lonely and a shut in) but he failed yeah lol

(AUGGH MY HEART DA GEEEE 😭)

Nian mentioned that when Chong Yue wakes up (as a Sui fragments, he sealed himself and molded a mortal body, it seems that Chong Yue is in mortal body and the rest of his siblings are not because Nian said that the 2nd brother will try to get Chong Yue to teach him how to do that after knowing this secret) seems like his 2nd brother knows how to do it too

Apparently the sword on his tail is where he sealed his true form??

Archives 4

This archives talks about Chong Yue wanting to retire after defending Yumen for so long

It said that Chong Yue hates killing the most yes he is the one who did killing the most too (the war and all)

He has acquaintances with many people, but the more acquaintances he has, the fewer he knows (god this sounds so sad...ahjbfjhef)

Chong Yue expressed that he loves the mortal world so much and wished that the world to stay in peace (as in not let Sui get revived and wreck more havoc and no more war i guess). That he is no longer 'Shuo' (his real name) but now 'Chong Yue' (his mortal name) because Chong Yue is a part of this mortal world (CRIESS)

#arknights #chong yue #operator files #arknights cn spoiler #beware of messy writings i just want to pour my thoughts #not intended to be a real tl or analysis #let see when proper tl comes out #i just love him sm #he's just worrying a lot about his sisters even in his voicelines

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withered-rose-unbreakable-lotus · 5 months ago

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Well hello there! Are you lost?

This is a pinpost for all you mobile users, so that you know what you're getting into, if you're pondering whether to follow me or not and browsing blogs isn't your thing.

Name's Maria, I'm the artist kind that mamas of creative kids warn them they'll end up being if they pursue the arts and a down bad fangirl of 100s of things.

For artists coming across this and wondering what's my deal, here're a few things you need to know:

I'm a writer of a horror/dark fantasy baby series that turnt 13 this year. Currently editing book 1. Inspired by my love for visual kei and horror, the plot revolves around a bunch of demons who were made specifically to defeat God's army after the fall of Lucifer, but wished a life beyond being weapons, escaped, got cursed, and you get to see what they are up to, these days, through the series. It's a quest for freedom and claiming your right to be yourself no matter what anyone says. Being proud of who you are and the life you chose to live.

[side note: My focus on personal freedom to be who you are isn't about things you were born with, like skin color, sexuality etc, so much, but another common thing that keeps many people trapped in themselves and in societies that force you to be one thing. It's about chosen ways of life, such as clothing style, having piercings or tattoos, weight (ok this one isn't alway a choice), how active one's sexual life is, if you're having babies or not in life. etc.]

Here's a lovely visual of the title for you:

Which leads to another art I've touched;

Digital art. I hate how I always have to specify this but most non artist people, when they hear digital artist, they think of people who draw, illustrators. While I'm trying to learn that too, and I do use a bit of painting in my works, this isn't my main focus. I am a photomanipulator, another category of digital art, the artists of which connect various stock pictures together and makes new pictures. Like this one (the logo is old, ignore it):

That means I also make graphics. I've made gifs and edits for my vkei faves before. You can find them under the tags #my gif & #my edit accordingly.

Video editing. I've returnt to my childhood passion recently but muscle memory is doing well. I unfortunately can't afford the things I'd really like to film so I resolved to vtubing. I'm @LadyHawthorn on Youtube if you wish to find me and I'm doing a variety of things cause I hate being forced to do one thing all the time. I mainly post myself playing Reverse: 1999 and theorizing on it, but I like doing reactions on Genshin Impact new content when I get it on time (I can't play unfortunately cause it requires different equipment) too. I also occasionally do movie reactions and will soon try anime too. Other stuff I'm interested in doing are: writing videos, more asmr if people show more interest and eventually hopefully talk about my book series and the lore of my vtuber character, when I can afford an animation for her.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

For non-artists coming across this, now.

Right off the bat, I'd like to say I'm a big horror fan so if you're a minor I'd suggest you stayed away, cause I might eventually post sth you shouldn't see. I grew up with horror personally and I don't really get the whole "cover scary stuff and blood from kids" but because some of you might be more sensitive to that than I was, better safe than sorry. Again I find this a bit too much cause horror didn't hurt me growing up, real life did, but yeah, you do what's comfortable for you.

Other interests we might have in common:

Music. I listen to lots of music but I'm more religiously following visual kei artists the past 13 years. If you like photos of vkei artists, you might find something you like on my navigation page. If you don't see your favorite band at the sections with pictures, try the "Other fav artists" or "Other Vkei bands/Solos" sections or straight up write it on my blog link with "/tagged/favorite band's name".

Movies. I watch a lot of movies, you can find some of my favorites on my about page, but some notable examples that have fandoms are:

Addams Family

Late 80s to early 00s romcoms and school movies

Silent Hill

Visual Kei movies

Anything with Johnny Depp and Helena Bonham Carter in them (I no longer like Johnny but the projects he chose to act in are still masterpieces)

Tokyo Revengers live action

Kamikaze Girls

The Devil's Rejects

Ti West's X, Pearl, Maxxxine

Step Up movies (I used to dance once :P)

Musicals (stuff like Chicago, Moulin Rouge, Repo! The Genetic Opera, etc.)

I also am a Supernatural, Friends, Helluva Boss and American Horror Story fan (although I haven't managed to watch all seasons on the first and last one, they stopped broadcasting at my country and couldn't find them online without viruses after that)

Anime. Again I watch a lot but not many of the very famous ones. Some of the biggest names I'm a fan of are:

Danganronpa (never joined the fandom before so no worries I won't come for your ships)

Re:zero

Pokemon (haven't watched all seasons though),

Nanatsu No Taizai (stopped when Meliodas and Elizabeth had a kid cause they ruined the romance for me xD)

Demon Slayer

And I also love Diabolik Lovers, Toilet-bound Hanako and Houseki no Kuni. And Yu-Gi-Oh. I still got to finish that one.

Jdorama. I'm sorry I've only watched 3 Kdramas and stopped. My heart's in Japan xD. I have watched many things, including pretty much everything Oguri Shun has done, many MatsuJun stuff, I loved Alice in Wonderland and I'm in desperate need for new jdramas to watch that aren't some cheesy romance or another police story. ._.

Videogames. I'm a Genshin Impact, Reverse: 1999 and Nikke enthusiast, you can talk to me about these all day every day I wouldn't mind. I'm also a huge Silent Hill and Final Fantasy X & X-2 fan (before the HD version that basically ruined the story and I don't consider it canon. -_-)

Any other interests? Well I sing. If you like singing we can enjoy chatting about our favorite vocals and struggles of singing xD. However I know nth about music theory so please be kind to me. I only tried 1 semester of vocal training and 1 year of music production and I dropped both so....let's keep it on the fun side of singing and not sweat the technical stuff much, kay? ^^'>

That's all. If you made it this far, I applaud you for your patience and wish you a wonderful day! ^^/

#about me

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drifting-pieces-blog-blog · 1 year ago

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Breaking down the comics: The break down.

Moon Knight, Issue #9: Vengeance in Reprise!

Oh this one. I'm so excited you guys.

There is so much going on here.

We start with dramatic storm clouds and Moon Knight doing his angsty silhouette pose.

We see a newspaper that says "Bushman Escapes Prison".

Marc laments that Bushman is the most dangerous man he's ever faced. Since Bushman knows who he was before he became Moon Knight, there is a high likelihood that he would hunt him down and kill everyone he cares about.

You see, Bushman was Marc’s commander while he was a mercenary. He trained Marc, taught him how to handle different situations he wasn’t used to, how to be tough, and how to be as ruthless as you needed to be to survive a situation.

I think there is respect and fear there. Like going up against your old teacher. You idolized them and saw them as the big powerful being and maybe you disagree with them now, it’s still hard to stand up to them.

So we see him do his dramatic thing of crashing through windows. He does this a lot. Moon Knight is all about the dramatic entrance. If there's a door or a window, he will pick the window 100% of the time.

He busts up a casino to harass some guys that might know where Bushman is.

Cut to Grant Mansion. The butler, Samuels, is asking Marlene if she really believes that Marc died and was brought back with the soul of the moon god.

She admits that she did indeed see him dead.

"There are two possibilities... One: The spirit of the Moon God actually entered his body and reanimated him. Or Two: He revived naturally and, seeing Khonshu, he merely convinced himself -- in delirium-- that he'd been possessed by the God of the Moon's Vengeance."

She doesn't answer which one she believes in. She notes that "It doesn't matter. Either way, the statue changed him."

We did get to see some classic Moon Knight fighting style in this. Crescent darts, his truncheon stick, punching, and utter disregard for his own body as he just constantly throws himself at people and takes hits.

The people in the casino claim not to know where Bushman is and one of them gets away. Moon Knight follows and changes into Lockley's outfit to follow in his cab.

Back at the mansion, we see Marlene asleep in bed.

A shadow falls over her and she wakes, thinking Steven has returned, only to find someone else there.

She screams and it wakes up Frenchie. Frenchie comes running with his gun and crashes into someone fleeing.

The intruder is gone and Frenchie fears it was Bushman, but Marlene says it wasn't. It was some guy in a monster mask.

I would love to see more Frenchie action, honestly. He was a comrade of Marc and worked under Bushman too. The man has skills. He can drive any vehicle and engineers the hell out of making a giant moon shaped thing fly. COME ON. The man is a genius and deserves more time.

They search the mansion and find the Statue of Khonshu is gone!

"I don't like it, Frenchie. Steven relies far too much on that statue -- Beyond mere harmless superstition. He says it gives him strength--Life, and coupled with his schizophrenia, his four way personality hang-up..."

(That hurt me to type.) 1980, everyone. If you had a personality disorder, hallucinated, or acted in certain ways, they label you a schizophrenic.

I'm not sure if Multiple Personality Disorder was even the common term for DID back then.

I just googled it:

Multiple Personality Disorder (MPD) was first introduced in DSM-III in 1980 and re-named Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) in subsequent editions of the diagnostic manual (American Psychiatric Association, 2013).

OKAY. So. This is why early Moon Knight is going to use this uncomfortable language.

We can't blame them for using the wrong terms and we can't go after them for that. Up to that point, it was seen as a form of schizophrenia and various other illnesses.

We CAN get upset about the inappropriate way it's handled. The way Marlene uses it as a sort of insult. A way to say "He's not normal and it's getting worse."

We can also get angry at the other writers that took over in the years that followed. ESPECIALLY more current volumes that took place after 2013. (ELLIS. BEMIS. AARON. I'm looking at you! I'm giving a mighty side eye to Bendis 2011-2012 run. 2009-2012 Hurwitz barely gets a pass and I know they used that language a lot. Huston, as much as it pains me, 2006-2009, you get a stern glance because I know you used the hell out of that language and other very insulting terms.)

RIGHT. The story! So, we've been watching the boys slowly evolve. We've also been watching them start to fight a little. Little cheap shots, little disagreements. Marc is the only one so far that has flat out refused to acknowledge that there is a problem and that Steven and Jake aren't just him in disguise.

In fact, Marc is often found looking at the statue, talking to it, or asking it for strength and power to do what needs to be done.

So for Frenchie and Marlene to be a little panicked about the missing statue, it's pretty valid.

We then see Nedda (the cook in the mansion) come in screaming about Samuels.

Samuels has been taken!

Jake calls into the mansion to check the Bushman files and gets an earful from Marlene about the break in.

Jake tells her to "Keep your wig on, Lady" as he has one more thing to check out before he heads home.

Frenchie asks if it was Marc on the phone.

"Yes, but calling as Jake, and I prefer to think of him as Steven. Each of us calling him a different name certainly doesn't help..."

"You told him Samuels was missing, but you said nothing about zee statue."

"I told you, he places too much importance in it. His mental state is precarious enough...Better he doesn't suffer the statue's loss in a crisis situation -- Not when he's already set for a fall..."

So what bothers me is that everyone can see the system starting to spiral. They see Marc's unsafe coping mechanisms and they see them starting to struggle. The system is rebelling and I honestly think it’s Marc causing the upset. His self destruction is starting to hurt them and it’s making the others have to work double time, not to mention them starting to define themselves.

It’s like they’ve all been masking for so long that they’ve forgotten how to be themselves and now that they feel free to, there’s a huge upheaval and no one knows what job to do.

Yet they do nothing but try to enforce on him normalization and keeping things from him.

It's like they all agreed that he's in a dangerous situation so they better not point it out to him. Looney Tunes logic.

Meanwhile, Jake is checking out some suspicious cars he was following when he finds... A manhole.

Sewer count? 2.

Back at the mansion, while Moon Knight is a sewer man...

Marelene suddenly realizes who stole the statue.

ANTON MOGART, also known as MIDNIGHT MAN.

He showed up in an earlier comic I didn't write up. He's an obsessive art collector that Moon Knight stopped. In their battle, Mogart went over a cliff, but Moon Knight knew he wasn't dead.

When Mogart went over the cliff, he ended up in the Manhattan river where he was swept to a sewer plant. The chemicals in the water melted his face.

Mogart blames Moon Knight for losing his art collection and his face.

(I’ve honestly never found Mogart that impressive as a villain. He’s always struck me as a little Phantom of the Opera wanna be that lacks the dramatic flare of Eric. Especially now that his face is melted. He wears an opera cape for fucks sake!)

His revenge starts with him showing Moon Knight the stolen statue of Khonshu, which he drops off a platform to watch it shatter.

"Moon Knight suddenly feels weak...Drained...Almost lifeless...and certainly without soul...."

If he believed he had been created as Moon Knight because of the statue, it must surely have crossed his mind that his very life was caught up in that statue. Without the statue, would he continue to exist as Moon Knight? Would he still live? Would his resurrected body suddenly perish?

He doesn't have much time to react as Mogart starts shooting at him. He moves and evades the bullets easily.

"Soon the terrifying loss of his soul-totem will return to him... Soon the destruction of Khonshu will haunt him with festering doubt... But not now. Not yet. He is still primed with rage, fueled by adrenaline. Without even realizing it, and statue or no, he is still the moon's avenger of death. And as such, he is indomitable."

That's some good narration.

He easily defeats Mogart only to have Bushman show up with Samuels.

He takes a jab at Moon Knight, saying that with the god statue gone, he has no hope of survival.

He then opens a hole to a flooded chamber and tosses Samuels into the flowing water.

Issue #10: Too Many Midnights

Moon Knight is faced with a choice. Save Samuels, stop Bushman, or save his statue god.

Bushman takes a moment to reminisce. "Do you remember how it all started, Moon Knight, back when you still called yourself Marc Spector, back when we were both in Africa -- When I was the hardened leader and you were a too-soft follower?"

He used to boast to Marc that the only way to survive as a mercenary was to inflict fear as the supreme weapon.

He accuses Moon Knight of using the visage of the Avenger of Death to inflict fear on his enemies.

"You've lost the 'soul' possessing you."

Moon Knight feels "the loss of life...A spiritual vacuum."

If we look at Moon Knight as his own alter that was created out of the stress and trauma of dying in the desert that night, I can only imagine what this idea is doing to him.

The thing that he views as giving him life is gone and his reason to exist is gone.

His spiritual guide. The thing that defined him.

Elsewhere, Marlene and Frenchie have tracked Jake's cab down and entered the sewers in a desperate search for him.

Bushman locks them into the flooding room and leaves. Samuels pleas for Moon Knight to act and get them out of there.

"But Moon Knight remains locked in his dull trance..."

Mogart is still there and he snaps Moon Knight out of it.

He attempts to dig out some bricks to open a hole.

The water rises over his head and still he struggles, lamenting that his strength is gone with Khonshu.

Mogart calls out to Samuels:

"What's he doing? You know him better than I..."

"I'm afraid I don't know him better than you---I don't think anyone truly knows him."

Do any of them really know Moon Knight?

Frenchie knows Marc. Marlene and the staff at the mansion know Steven. Jake has all his friends at the diner.

But what does Moon Knight have?

Mogart and Samuels slip through the freshly made hole but Moon Knight dives for the statue pieces.

Being pulled through the current and through the hole, his cloak catches on the bricks and is ripped from him.

Issue 1, the cloak is the original shroud that was draped over the Khonshu statue. The first thing Marc did on being resurrected was to wrap himself in that cloak and declare himself a servant of Khonshu.

The removal of the cloak at this time is another symbolic blow to him. He has lost his god and been stripped of his vestiges.

Frenchie and Marlene stumble across the cloak and instantly think Marc is dead.

Here we see a man spiritually defeated.

He believes he was alive because of Khonshu. He also believed that Khonshu was in the statue and in him.

With the statue gone, he doesn't have reason to believe that he is alive anymore.

If Marc died in the desert, then who is he now?

"I'm nothing... Everything to everyone, but nothing to myself..."

That's an interesting sentence.

He has put so much on being everything but he never knew who he was.

Welcome to a severe dissociative state.

Marc wanders off, and I do believe it's Marc here. Marc is the one of the four that has yet to declare "I am Marc Spector and this is who I am." He's stayed in the back so long, hiding and pretending he didn't exist.

He's been shocked to the front and he can't get out.

So we get images that are both hilarious and also very sad, of a man wandering off cradling the head of Khonshu while muttering about how he is nothing.

Samuels makes his way back to the mansion and delivers the good news that Moon Knight is alive! but also having a pretty nasty breakdown.

"He seems to have suffered some kind of breakdown! He saved my life, but could only say what a failure he is -- a fake. I... I'm not sure he'll be home...for some time..."

Classic Marc Spector. He can only see the bad in himself and all his deeds.

Marlene calls up Gena and asks them all to get in with Jake's contacts and search for him.

"Gena! You and Crawley know his Jake Lockely Personality better than anyone -- But remember that he may be in bad shape. He may not even know who he is..."

Well... at least she acknowledges that Jake is not Steven... It's a start...

Marc is missing for 3 days while they search the city.

And here we get some of my favorite Marc moments. This man... This man is DRAMATIC.

Marc...What are you doing...?

Aside from the comical Hamlet reference, we do gleam some existential crisis out of this. Saying to Khonshu how he knew him “so well that you became me and I you…and together we became many men, all without souls…”

What makes up a soul? Does Marc believe he isn’t worth his soul after the life he has chosen? Does he wonder if they each are capable of having their own souls?

Marc, who has rejected his Rabbi father’s teachings, questioning suddenly what spirit can live in him, who has rejected god, killed men, and taken up an idol outside of his faith.

He thinks he is nothing. He can’t feel his own existence and can’t justify his existence to himself. He’s having a fun time. And you just know that Steven and Jake are probably having a fit in there trying to pull Marc from the front seat before he does something stupid.

Yeah so... Bushman is using this time to CRIME WAVE.

I just want to point out that for the second time, we see the drug of choice is Heroin.

1980s. This was the drug moving in the streets at that time, overdosing and killing people.

It wasn't until mid to late 80s that Cocaine took over. Just a fascinating little tidbit of social history that you can find in the comics.

You guys…. As much as seeing Marc being a trashman under newspapers in a public park talking to the head of Khonshu really highlights who he is… Holy shit you guys…

"Never even knew my brother, Khonshu, let alone myself. ...Rand was his name... Randall Spector... Died right around here... Right here in central Park... And I couldn't even stop it... He almost killed Marlene... And maybe I killed him.... I don't know... Probably doesn't matter... I'm a loser anyway... But maybe it was Moon Knight who really killed him.. .Or maybe even Lockley... But not Grant, I don't think... No, Never Grant..."

THIS is everything. This is the MCU show. This is Lemire. This is where it all comes from!

Marc can’t see himself in all of this. He’s lost sight of who he is. He’s tried so hard to be nothing that he can’t tell when he was himself and he was someone else.

The death of his brother (I will go back and cover this later. It’s important I just… It will come later.) really affected him. Perhaps Randall was what was left of Marc’s past before he left. Perhaps Randall was what he defined as Marc Spector and the very nature of Randall dying was him killing the past. There is so much trauma there. So much trauma he refuses to face. So much pain and regret.

Up to this point, we have only seen the violence of his days in the military and mercenaries. It isn’t till much later when Elias dies that we see some of the regret and pain Marc has in his childhood, but even then we don’t see it all.

So who killed the past? Was it Marc? Was it Moon Knight? Was it Jake? Marc certainly seems to think Jake has it in him to fight and kill. Jake does have a temper at times. Jake also resents Marc and blames him for all the death and pain that trickles down. Much like the death of Crawley’s son.

Moench never gets deep into Marc’s childhood. He doesn’t cover the trauma. He doesn’t show when the others really started to show up, only when the system became aware of itself. But one has to wonder.

It’s clear that Moon Knight was created when they died. Jake feels new. Even in Lemire’s run, he mentions that Jake is a lot newer than the others. Jake feels like he came about when they took up residence in New York, (hence why we see him in the last issue finding himself with the mustache.) Perhaps a response to trying to start his life over. A spiritual protector and desire for friends and companionship? It’s hard to tell with Jake because each writer does Jake differently, but he’s certainly not been around as long as the others.

But Steven does NOT feel new. He’s never felt new. He’s too angry at Marc. He is too stern about his name. Even too critical of Jake. Perhaps Steven wasn’t always aware of who he was, but he feels older.

Considering the role Steven plays later with the death of Elias (see my other comic breakdowns for that), Steven feels like he’s been with Marc for a long time.

Marc had to have been aware that something was wrong. I think Marc knew. Even from the beginning, I think Marc knew. Maybe he forgot as a sense of self preservation. Maybe he just refused to believe it.

I think what I love about re-reading the original comics is that I have the gift of having read everything before. I know what’s coming and where things are taken by other writers. It can be both frustrating and also eye opening.

I’m going to reach a bit into the future with Lemire. “But not Grant. [....] Never Grant.”

Never Grant.

Anyways…

“Fine upstanding pillar of respectable capitalism that he is…” Possibly a jab. Marc and Steven argue the most. They disagree the most. Maybe Marc doesn’t believe Steven is capable of violence. That he’s too peaceful.

Like his father. The son his father wanted. The good jewish boy that he should have been.

But that last part… “Knows…” What does Steven know? Where was Marc going with that?

The last panel hurts me. All the friends there, and all calling him Steven. Enforcing the ‘normal’ on him. Look how small, vulnerable, and miserable he looks there.

“Marlene says you’re home now.” But that isn’t Marc’s home. Marc is not welcome there.

"No... Not home... This is Grant's home. I'm not Grant... I'm nobody... Nothing..."

Marc protests. He knows he isn't them. He is still stuck. He tries so hard not to be there. To be nothing so he doesn't have to feel things. So he doesn't have to question if he even exists anymore.

Marlene does try to help.

"Listen to me, Steven -- You are someone! You're exactly what you've chosen to be -- A strong man determined to make up for the evil you once did. You're not Lockley or Grant or even Moon Knight. They're just your tools... Names and identities you use to accomplish your goal."

She pushes it. She means well. She pushes that Marc is just a man that is trying to make up for the evil he did. That he's strong and chosen to live a better life.

"I understand... But you're wrong, Lady... It's no use... You loved a fake. Because I don't know who I really am... Other than a four-faced fake, Like the four phases of the moon, and the phoney Moon God, Phoney Khonshu...A fake all along..."

Marlene is upset and reveals a new Khonshu statue.

She claims that when she took over managing the mansion, she had a fake plaster Khonshu statue made while the real statue was kept locked up in a safe place.

She uncovers the statue, much to Marc's shock.

She tells him that it's all been in his head. That he did this all to himself and that the statue was always still there, so his loss of power was just in his head.

Marc looks unsure but pleased.

This... this bothers me. I'll get to that later. But it really bothers me.

Five nights later, Crawley has news about Bushman and gives them the address.

Marlene asks him if he's ready to face Bushman again.

"Physically, yes. Mentally, I still find it all hard to believe and I may be shaky for a while, but I'm as ready as I'll ever be."

Marlene hands over his old cloak and he's off.

He tracks down Bushman and gives chase.

Marc taunts him, telling him to remember certain fights and moves that Bushman taught him.

Bushman says he is still the stronger man and Marc knocks him out. He's now the better fighter.

Back at the mansion, Marc is staring up at the statue.

"Tell me the truth, Marlene. Was the shattered one the replica, and this one the original? Or did you have a replica made after the original was destroyed?"

"If it really matters to you, dear Steven, you can always have that one carbon-dated..."

He says he'd rather not know and she tells him it was all in his head.

"Maybe there was too much in my mind... But it's been cleared out, Marlene, thanks to you. I think."

And in the last panel he gives an uncertain look at the statue as Marlene kisses him.

So why be so worried about the statue being stolen if she knew it was a fake? Why not tell him right away? Why go through all the trouble?

She lied to him. She lied to him to make him feel like it was all in his head. Rather than try to talk it out, find the nature of his worries and trauma about not existing or having a soul and help him.

Instead she lets him believe that everything is fine, enforces that he’s just one guy confused about who he is, and that the others are just him trying to be better. It implies that Marc has it settled and ‘under control’ now.

This man is the furthest from ‘under control’. If anything, he’s going to sink deeper into himself and bring more harm to them.

In fact, in the comics to come, the wedge between them is only going to grow. None of that was okay. The lie was not okay.

So let’s address the big stupid bird in the room: What is Khonshu?

I don’t think the original comics knew. They often describe the statue as having a strange presence, often making it look like it’s smiling or watching them.

Marc even claims that he tries to be Khonshu as a way to know himself. That Khonshu knows him the best.

It’s possible that the spirit of Khonshu did come back with Marc. That it looked into him and saw Marc and the potential there. “Like the four phases of the moon”. Perhaps Khonshu was just biding his time? Testing Marc? Building his power?

A theory that crosses my path and mind now and then is that Khonshu is another alter. Maybe at first? A way to hold power and control over his life? A being that is above the sins and cruelness of the world? An endless companion that can see into them and guide them? That can control Marc when he is at his worst?

We’ll see as the comics continue and Khonshu starts to become his own character.

#Moon Knight #Moon Knight comics #Moon Knight Meta #Meta #Marc spector #Steven Grant #Jake Lockley #Marlene #Just me crying about Moon Knight feels at midnight #I have so many feelings about Moon Knight #I love this issue so much #Marc needs a hug and kick in the ass at the same time #I also have so many issues with Marlene in this

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writergamermom · 1 year ago

Note

I think that discussions of censorship on Tumblr tend to have a rather singular focus on fan fiction and basically comes down to I want to read/write some perhaps fucked up shit and that upsets people. I think this does a disservice to the power of media including fan fiction and how ideas impact our actions.

Media of any form can have an impact on the audience and society at large. The black and white film Birth of A Nation is a great example. It was the first film screened at the White House. People who saw this film thought it was representing history. That this was what happened during the Civil War and Reconstruction Period. It had a direct impact on violence on Black people, belief by White people that Black people were raping monsters, and a huge enrollment in the KKK. In fact this film help legitimatize the clan and gave it a lot of the community support it needed to thrive.

Here is the thing, people protested. They tried to get the film canceled. Some cities demanded edits and others banded it all together.

But banning an idea doesn't make it go away. Birth of a Nation is still taught in film school. Wilson still watched in the White House and gave it a positive review. See Birth of Nation did not start racism, it didn't start hated against Black people, it didn't start the Klan. Those ideas already existed. Today film professors are trying to right a wrong. Many don't show the film and if they show clips it is with the full understanding of the hate and harm this film perpetrated. It is not a caveat, a cliff note, or something from long ago that can be ignored. It is baked into every cell of the film.

And this is not something that only happened 100 years ago. There are lots of articles about the power of Copaganda and our (especially white middle and upper class American) understanding of police. This had a real impact on how White America view police violence. I remember thinking when Micheal Brown was shot that it didn't matter he was unarmed because an unarmed person can take your weapon away (something that I was taught most of my life to discourage me from carrying a weapon). That police can shoot someone for fleeing a scene (after all all the cop shows had police with their guns drawn running through traffic and busy streets). My only interactions with police was for speeding tickets (that I often got out of) and cops I had met in my day to day life. My world was small and what I didn't know from my own lived experience or second hand from family or friends, I learned from media. Law and Order had a lot more impact on my understanding of the criminal justice system than all my years of education. Again banning Law and Order is not the answer.

OP asked about the importance of representation. Media doesn't care if the idea is about love or hate or accepting the status quo. It tells stories to spread ideas.

Back in the 90's there was a family drama called life goes on about nuclear family and the son had Downs Syndrome. This was the first show to feature a character with Downs Syndrome and dealt with a lot of challenges with love and respect. Second or third season they add a character named Jesse who had HIV. Again very sympathetic character who starts dating the female lead. First HIV+ on TV. This had impact on people. My mom loved this show. She also partly believed or least considered that HIV was God's punishment and came from Black people having sex with monkeys and you can see that because look at how people in Brazil dance and I am not making this up, people actually believed this shit. So in walks Jesse, a sweet, handsome, shy boy, we learn has HIV from unprotected sex with his ex-girlfriend. Church groups are calling for ABC to drop this show. There is letter writing campaigns, people were upset. My mom was upset. But she kept watching. It started to change the way she thought about HIV.

Media spreads ideas, good ones, bad ones, and just plain boring ones. Censorship does not stop the idea. What does is talking about. After Suicide Squad came out, my kid was obsessed with The Joker and Harley. They were true love. I didn't ban my kid from the movie or from Joker and Harley. Instead I broke down their relationship from Batman the Animated Series to present day and explained in detail how this was an abusive relationship and the only happiness Harley will every have comes from her liberation from the Joker.

When my son watches problematic YouTubers, I don't ban them. I sit and explain to him why making fun of people with disables or watching little kids fight and commenting on it is terrible.

If something is putting bad thoughts or feelings in your head disengage. Manny Patinkin left Criminal Minds because he didn't like what the show was doing to him.

If people are not tagging something, ask them to tag it. That could be using racist tropes, justifying rape, or condoning abuse.

If your worried media is leading people to accept a hateful or harmful idea, break it down. Explain how JK Rowling uses anti-trans tropes in her works. Help people to hear the dog whistle and ruin it.

TL:DR Media spreads ideas, good and bad, and those ideas impact actions people take. Censorship does not help. The only thing that has power over those ideas is new ideas.

references

So I'm slowly starting to come to understand that we shouldn't censor things but also I'm still a little uncomfortable with the site allowing things like pedophilia to be written in a way that's romanticized. I get it. Avoid it since I don't like it but at what point do we say, 'hmm this isn't okay.' I mean I get it, fiction doesn't hurt people but if that were truly the case then why are we lobbying for rep/realism/etc in media? Fiction, at some point, has to have some effect on real life.

Hello darling! I got your second ask too, please don’t worry, you’re definitely not coming across as unkind.

And you’re definitely not the only one to have similar thoughts or concerns.

But my answer’s going to be the same.

There is no such thing as a little censorship, and opening that particular can of pringles is not going to end happily for anyone. It’s better to not open it at all. And yes, that means people will create deeply fucked up things. But they should have the ability to do so, just like you should have the ability to avoid the hell out of it.

(Which, for AO3, is where I start in on my tag your shit appropriately/read the fucking tags!!! Rants. Learned the hard way a million years ago when I *thought* I was reading something very very different than I was, so when I got to ‘Character has sex with a dog’ I lost my mind, then realized I fucked up and hadn’t read the tags. If I had, I would have noped out of that fic immediately. So. That entire encounter was on me.)

“At what point is this not okay?” Well, that’s the whole point, isn’t it? Who would be in charge of deciding where the line goes? Who gets to decide what goes on which side of the line?

The last anon seemed to think writing was the same as doing, and thus writing shouldn’t be allowed at all.

And then got annoyed when I pointed out how often those unsavory themes happen in movies or TV without any warning at all, and generally, people move right past it.

Fiction doesn’t hurt people. People hurt people.

My favorite comparison is still my kitchen curtains, because my curtains are still weird: fairies, trees. Very witchy. I’ve seen people do literal double takes over my curtains. I can tell by the way they squint they can’t stand them or don’t understand why I would want something so *non-traditional* in such a public part of my house. They keep their damned mouths shut though, because they know its rude to tell me to change my curtains to fit their idea of a kitchen. (And also because I’d toss them out after laughing my ass off but that’s not relevant)

Person A has an idea of what ‘acceptable’ levels are, but that’s much much less than person B. Who wins? No one.

And no one should have the power to just decide things like that.

It’s stupid o’clock at night where I am, so I’m not about to go digging for studies, but I know we’ve got pretty solid proof that media doesn’t cause behaviors spontaneously. At the risk of sounding old, but this same argument once was applied to music, too. The weird compromise was slapping content warnings for language/sex/violence on CD’s. (Y’know. A significantly less useful form of tagging?) It didn’t… really do shit for anyone. Other than make those CD’s more attractive to teens, tbh. But. The argument at the time was rap and rock were violent and would make kids go insane and violent just by listening.

It… didn’t. It still doesn’t.

Reading dark fic isn’t going to cause someone to do something out of the blue.

Someone who’s debating doing the thing might seek out media about whatever their obsession is, yes. But their obsession was already there. Fic, music, movies, they’re not going to create it. I’d wager those girls who murdered their friend and blamed ‘slenderman’ had signs long before they went that far.

Part of the problem with this entire thought is that it’s thought policing. Folks assume the thought equals the sin. And as someone with pretty wonky intrusive thoughts and a long family history of mental issues— no. I have weird ass thoughts all the time. ‘Huh, I’m up high, I should jump, maybe I’ll float.’ I’m not gonna act on them. I know they’re weird thoughts. I’m not gonna float, I’d just die. Your brain just… says things sometimes. Some of us more than others. Therapy’s helpful for folks who struggle with that.

Fiction’s got nothing to do with it, though. Fiction just represents someone else working through their lives.

Melissa Etheridge wrote a song (scarecrow) about Matthew Sheppard’s murder. She didn’t cause anyone else to go torture another lonely gay boy to death. She was working through her grief at losing another one of us. And we worked through our grief when she sang.

Art is made for the making of it. Fiction—even the kind that squicks you— is still art.

As for the other part of your ask, the representation? I’m not sure I see the connection you’re trying to make. When people talk about rep, they’re talking about making the characters more authentic, more reflective of the beautiful range of humanity at large. Not seven brown haired white guys and one bitchy white woman and the unnamed not-white side character used for shit jokes. There should be a rainbow of humans in media, because little black girls deserve to know they’re strong and smart and beautiful. Because queer kids of all sizes and shapes deserve to know they’re loved. Because boys should get to be princesses. Because people with chronic illnesses, disabilities, they should get to be part of the stories. Because white folk need to see the rest of the world as human. Folks want to see themselves in the heroes, the happiness, the successes.

Too many kids never get to see themselves on the screen or read about people who look like them.

I loved belle as a kid because she looked like me and she loved reading. I loved Ariel because she wanted to be free. I cried over encanto because I know what it’s like to be excluded, what it’s like to be the big sister. I cried over reading red white and royal blue because the gays get to live and they’re happy. Everyone should have some way to connect.

The realism bit,though, I don’t think is the consumers as a whole. Yeah, some folks prefer it, but from what I’ve seen over the last 20 years, it’s more like the people who control most popular media have decided that’s what they wanna make. I don’t care for it, tbh. Media doesn’t need to be an exact copy of the real world.

Stories are meant as a place of solace, or at least a place that is different, than your day to day.

I like stories that have soft, happy ever afters. We’ve worked through the Big Bad Thing and come out stronger for it and now we get our well deserved rest. The real world doesn’t give me those things. Other people look at the state of the world, read seriously fucked up shit, and then go, well, at least my life isn’t that. It could be worse! And this is their happy place.

So. I’m not sure I’m much help here, but tl;dr: remember the tenets of fandom:

1) kinktomato: your kink is not my kink and that is okay. (You like this, I do not, I’m gonna leave it alone, the end.)

2) DLDR: Don’t like? Don’t read. Filtering and blocking are your besties.

3) ship and let ship (or sit down) — don’t press your dislike onto the people who do like. Let ‘em alone, go find what you do like.

4) tag appropriately, read the damn tags.

5) curate your own spaces. You alone are responsible for your online existence/experiences

6) have fun. Enjoy it. Be weird. Be silly. Be fucked up. Be unrepentantly yourself. Don’t let anyone else take that away from you.

#censorship #media #My kid said it was okay to post this

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summerwritesfics · 2 years ago

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🔥❄️Walk With Me, Would You Stay Awhile And Talk With Me

Pairing: Hanzo Hasashi/Kuai Liang Length: 11493 Words Rating: Explicit 🔞 Warnings: God AU, God!Hanzo Hasashi, Mortal!Kuai Liang, Healer!Kuai Liang, Mild Violence, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Tea, Mahjong, Implied Past Abuse, Bad Societal Hierarchy, Sparring, Anal Sex, Anal Fingering, Gentle Sex, Gentle Kissing, First Time, Roof Sex (Sex is just sexier when it’s on a roof idk what to tell you), Fluff, Some tiny bits of angst this is me lmao, Pining, Size Difference, Hand Job, Mentioned Homophobia, Plot With Porn, Porn With Feelings, Not really an arranged marriage but a relationship as part of a deal idk, Hanzo gets stabbed in the chest and has no coping mechanism except to court the person responsible, Hanzo falls for Kuai fast and hard SubScorp Week Day 7: God AU

SubScorp Week 2022 Masterlist

Notes: Welp, looks like this is it once again! ;_; This is probably the longest one shot I’ve ever written lmao, so I mean, a good end to the week I guess :) Hopefully it’s actually good and not just a big bunch of waffle XD I’m 100% sure I’ve probably missed a lot of typos but tbh I’ve been editing this for hours and I just want it out there, so if you see any please let me know TT_TT Title is from “Chivalry Begins” by Big Giant Circles.

Hanzo was really starting to tire of this.

There was a village, not too far from his temple, inhabited by people who preferred to be known as The Lin Kuei. They had been coming before him on this day every year for the last few decades, begging the God of Fire for his protection. He had only ever offered his protection to one village, but that had been enough to make every village within the vicinity come before him hoping he would choose them too. Most had taken no for an answer many moons ago and stopped trying.

Not the Lin Kuei however.

Every year, as if by clockwork, there was one of their kin in his throne room, trying to convince him to help them. He would admire their persistence if it wasn’t such an annoyance. Having to deal with this every year meant he was taken away from potentially more pressing matters, and it didn’t help that ever single one tried to argue against him, eating up more of his time.

At least this years poor fool had the sense to bow and show his respect before making demands.

“Can I help you mortal?” He asked, bored already.

“Lord Hasashi, I have been sent on behalf on the Lin Kuei, to request your protection of our village.” The man’s tone was uneven, clearly nervous about his role in this.

“Have you indeed?” Hanzo pushed himself up and off his throne and ambling towards his visitor. The man seemed to get even more nervous when he realised just how big Hanzo was, he was at least a couple of feet taller, towering over the still nervous man.

Upon closer inspection, this man looked different than the ones usually sent by the village. Usually they sent nobles, generals, people in positions of power. This man was in a far less flashy affair, a simple blue Hanfu, no jewellery or even armour, he had a sword strapped to his back but that was it. It seemed the village had finally realised that Hanzo did not respond to the arrogant pricks they usually sent.

“What is your name?” Hanzo questioned, staring the man up and down. He’d been cordial so far, and while Hanzo had no intentions of negotiating any sort of deal with the village, we was willing to at least do this man the kindness of listening.

“Kuai Liang, my Lord,” he replied, bowing his head slightly.

“Well, Kuai Liang, give me one good reason why I should protect your people?” He knew what the answer was already, it was the same answer every year. And this man seemed so woefully unprepared he doubted it would be a different one.

“We offer our worship and-“

“That is the same thing that is offered to me every year,” Hanzo interrupted, and Kuai flinched at his harsh tone. “Why would I accept it this time?”

“I-“ Kuai hesitated. Clearly they’d just coached him to say what they always said. He had no real answer. “I don’t know, my Lord.”

“Then I will bid you adieu,” Hanzo smuggly said in return, turning on his heel and returning to his throne. He expected Kuai to give up, given the man was clearly not a warrior and wracked with anxiety.

Except he heard the sword being unsheathed.

Hanzo turned back. Kuai was standing with the sword, gripping it tightly with both his hands. His stance was slightly off, not proper at all but not completely wrong. Clearly someone had taught him a few basics, but there was no sign of formal training.

“Do you really want to do this, Kuai Liang?” He asked, narrowing his eyes, hoping his threatening presence would be enough to make Kuai back down.

“I will do anything for my village,” Kuai announced, breathing uneven and hands unsteady.

How adorable. Hanzo felt bad for him, he’d likely not been given any real guidance on what to expect. In that respect, it would be wrong for Hanzo to fight back like he would anyone else. He’d just dodge the attacks until Kuai got bored and gave up.

“Very well,” Hanzo replied with a smirk. “Give it your best shot, Kuai Liang.”

Without much warning Kuai surged forward, swinging his sword at Hanzo with all his might. Hanzo chuckled as he sidestepped the attack. Kuai skidded to a halt, before turning on the balls of his feet. He ran toward Hanzo again, and once more he moved away. Again and again, this pattern repeated, and Hanzo had to admit, he admired Kuai’s stamina. For someone clearly lacking training, he was showing a lot less exhaustion than some of his more battle skilled peers had.

“It helps if you actually hit your target,” Hanzo taunted, rather enjoying the way Kuai bared his teeth in anger. He really was quite precious. This was the most fun he’d had with a mortal outside of his worshipers for a long time.

Kuai swung and missed again. Hanzo got to a point where he was just slowly backing up with every time Kuai went to hit him. Kuai had something about him, there was no denying that. Some would call it foolishness, but Hanzo saw it as determination. Maybe he had judged the man too quickly.

“Are you not getting tired?” Hanzo questioned, really rather amazed that Kuai didn’t seem to have even begun running out of breath.

Kuai swung his sword again, and Hanzo went to easily dodge once more.

Except…

He didn’t.

Hanzo felt the tip of the sword just about catch his cheek and he drew back in surprise. As he touched the area that had been hit, he was surprised by the sting and the wetness on his fingertips. He held his hand in front of his face, blood on his hand. Kuai Liang had managed to land a hit on him. He’d been challenged to battle by every Lin Kuei who had entered his temple, and yet in all those years, not one person had actually managed to hit him.

Unfortunately, he was so distracted by his shock, he stopped paying attention to what Kuai Liang was doing until it was too late. He felt a sharp pain in his chest, looking down, he found the sword buried to the hilt.

He looked to Kuai’s face, tight with valour. Hanzo couldn’t bring himself to feel angry that his momentary lapse of awareness had been taken advantage of. If anything it was only natural for Kuai to capitalise on such a moment. Hanzo was almost proud of him for doing so, but not as proud as him actually managing to get that first hit.

Hanzo brought his hands up to the hilt of the sword, wrapping them around Kuai’s as he still gripped it for dear life. Kuai looked down at Hanzo’s hands, before looking at Hanzo questioningly.

“I hate to be the barer of bad news,” Hanzo started, tightening his grip of Kuai’s hands. “But you can not kill a god.”

Kuai tried to not look alarmed by this revelation, but he was betrayed by the way his eyes widened slightly. It seemed either no one had ever told him or he’d just never really considered it. It was endearing in a strange way. He was so completely out of his depth, Hanzo was almost furious the the Lin Kuei would send someone so unprepared to face him.

Kuai tried to pull away but Hanzo made sure to take a strong hold of his wrists. Kuai let go of the sword, desperate to try and get away. Holding Kuai’s wrists with one hand, he held him in place as he reached for his chains. Despite how hard Kuai was trying to free himself, Hanzo’s grip was strong, no doubt he would leave bruises. Hanzo would heal them later, when Kuai had calmed down, but for now, he wrapped the chains around his wrists and pulled.

He held the end of the chains, making sure Kuai wasn’t going to find a way to free himself. Satisfied that no matter how much Kuai thrashed he wasn’t going anywhere, Hanzo turned his attention to the sword still buried inside himself. He grabbed it, gently coaxing it free. It didn’t hurt anywhere near as badly as it probably would have if he were mortal. Once out, he stared at the blade stained with his blood before throwing it across the floor. Kuai stopped struggling to watch his only defence leave his reach.

Hanzo lit a fire in his hand, taking notice in how still Kuai became. The fire wasn’t meant to hurt however, this was meant to heal. He held it to his wound, feeling a tingling as the fire worked it’s magic and began to stitch his flesh back together. Despite the size of the wound, his work was quick, and he was able to fix himself easily. He could heal the small scratch on his cheek as well, but he decided against it. The hole in his chest had come from an underhanded tactic, the scratch on his face had been a legitimate hit. He decided he could let Kuai have that one.

Speaking of Kuai, he still wasn’t moving, just wearily eyeing up the fire still in Hanzo’s hand. Clearly he was expecting the fire to be wielded against him. Hanzo smirked as he extinguished the fire, seeing Kuai’s shoulders relax at the action.

He didn’t give Kuai chance to begin struggling again, yanking on the chain hard and causing Kuai to stumble forward. Hanzo pulled until Kuai was flush with his chest, and he wrapped his arm around Kuai’s back, grasping onto the fabric of his hanfu and holding him close. Kuai made a strange squeak, his face going bright red as he squirmed slightly.

“You are an interesting one, Kuai Liang,” Hanzo commented, rather delighted by how Kuai’s previous defiance seemed to have been replaced by shyness. “You are the first from your village to actually manage to strike me.” Kuai pursed his lips at that, looking like he didn’t believe it. Hanzo supposed the Lin Kuei he usually dealt with weren’t the types to admit defeat. “You are clearly not a trained warrior, what exactly is your position?”

“I’m a healer,” Kuai admitted, and Hanzo couldn’t help raise an eyebrow. “My brother and Grandfather refused to let me join the armies, but my brother did, and he taught me some basic self defence.” The idea that Hanzo had been taken down by basic self defence was a little insulting, but wasn’t that why Kuai was catching his interest? He did wonder why Kuai had been sent rather than his brother however. As if sensing the unasked question, Kuai added, “my brother came before you last year.”

“Oh that arrogant fool?” Hanzo hissed before he could stop himself. He hadn’t paid much attention to the man who’d come last year. He’d been all bark and absolutely no bite in the end. Threatening Hanzo and claiming he could win with absolute certainty only to have his ass handed to him.

Hanzo was a little surprised when Kuai chuckled under his breath and mutter, “he is pretty arrogant.” His mouth twitched slightly. “I suppose that’s why he told me he had defeated you, and you still refused his requests.”

Hanzo rolled his eyes and commented, “given your reaction, it sounds like that is much the same story everyone tells.”

“No one has never mentioned being defeated by you,” Kuai admitted, squirming slightly again. He stilled when Hanzo squeezed him slightly.

“Of course they didn’t,” Hanzo sighed dramatically. He pulled of the chain slightly. “But for now, the question is, what am I to do with you?”

“I assumed you’d send me back to the village with my tail between my legs,” Kuai said looking down. “It won’t surprise anyone for me to have failed.”

That last statement bothered Hanzo, but he couldn’t place why. He chose to ignore it for now.

“Now why would I do that when you’re so very interesting?” Hanzo moved his hand from Kuai’s back, bringing it to cup his chin instead. “In fact the most interesting thing that’s walked into my temple for centuries.”

Kuai’s eyes looked to one side, Hanzo’s grip on his chin stopped him from turning away completely.

“I fail to see what makes me so interesting to you,” Kuai muttered, chewing on his lower lip.

“Being a healer who managed to get a strike on a God is not enough?” Hanzo teased, and Kuai’s eyes shot back to him to give him an unimpressed look. “You are not like the others that have come before me, and that makes me curious about you.” He pulled on the chains again. “If I undo the chains, are you going to try and run from me?”

Kuai was silent for a few seconds, looking like he was considering it. Finally, he replied with “no, Lord Hasashi.”

Hanzo decided to trust him, reaching to pull the chains away from his limbs. With the chains gone, Hanzo could see that Kuai’s wrists had already begun bruising and there were slight cuts from the chains. He lit a fire in both of his hands and went to take hold of Kuai’s wrists. Kuai pulled his hands away lightning fast, staring at Hanzo’s hands wearily.

“These flames will not hurt you,” Hanzo promised. He felt his hands out flat, deciding to let Kuai take the initiative.

Kuai really didn’t look like he trusted it, and Hanzo almost wondered if he was about to go back on his word of not running. Eventually, Kuai held his arms out, resting his wrists on Hanzo’s hands. He grimaced as the flames touched him, eyes screwing shut bracing himself for pain that would never come. His eyes blinked open in surprise when he realised the burning agony he was expecting hadn’t happened. He watched in awe as the flames licked at his skin, and slowly the bruised skin began to clear, and the small cuts began to close up. When Hanzo was satisfied the healing was complete, his flames died down, and Kuai lifted his arms to stare at the spot the injuries had just been.

He looked back across at Hanzo, conflict written on his face. “Thank you,” he whispered, before adding, “but, what exactly is it you want from me?”

Hanzo tilted his head, staring Kuai up and down. His outfit might have been plain, but he himself was anything but. It had been so long since Hanzo had found himself fascinated by a mortal in such a way. In fact he could only think of one person who had ever fascinated him like this.

“There has only been one other to captivate me the way you have,” Hanzo began, as he slowly began to circle Kuai. “Her name was Harumi, she came to me very much as you have, requesting protection for her village. We made a deal, and I granted that protection.”

“So, what was it she offered you?” Kuai asked, looking apprehensive.

“She offered me her hand in marriage.”

Kuai made a strange noise between a squeak and a whine. He covered his mouth as his face went bright red. It was as adorable as it was endearing.

“Are- Are you suggesting we-“

“Not if you do not want to,” Hanzo replied. As cute a husband he was sure Kuai would make, he wasn’t that cruel a god as to force an unwilling participant into marriage. “But I do ask that you stay with me a while. I would like to get to know you.”

“If I stay, will you consider protection for the Lin Kuei?” Kuai asked, holding his head high despite how flustered he looked.

“You have my word,” Hanzo replied with a bow. Kuai looked at him like he was considering it.

“Okay,” he said in a loud and long breath. “I will stay. But I should let the village know, before they send someone thinking I am dead.”

“I will have one of my acolytes relay a message.” Hanzo held out his hand. “Now, come, allow me to give you a warmer welcome than you initially received.”

Kuai actually gave a small smile, before taking Hanzo’s hand.

----------------------------------------------------

Hanzo was making every effort to not become overbearing.

Kuai was still skittish, and Hanzo worried that bombarding him with queries would both frighten him and frustrate him. He had left Kuai to his own devices for a day or so, deciding to let the man approach him in his own time while hopefully becoming more comfortable with his surroundings.

It was very different from how Harumi had been. She had been the one to suggest marriage, and as such was very enthusiastic and open to talking with him. Kuai was not Harumi, but he was equally as intriguing. He just had to remind himself that this man required a different approach to his late wife.

The message to his village had been sent, Hanzo’s acolyte had stated the Grandmaster had laughed and made some sort of derogatory comment. The acolyte did not elaborate on the comment, even as Hanzo had pushed for what it was. All he was told was that the actual comment would have made Hanzo burn the village to the ground.

As he sat down at a table to make himself a cup of tea and ponder that reaction, from the corner of his eye he saw a head peering around the doorframe. Upon further inspection, he realised it was Kuai Liang, watching him like he was trying to spy on him.

“Good afternoon,” he greeted, trying not to grin when Kuai jumped and realised he had been spotted. “Would you care to have some tea with me?”

Kuai slowly stepped into the doorway, staring at the table with the tea. He glanced around, as if checking they were alone, before he finally made his way over and sat down opposite, and Hanzo began to pour out the drink.

“How are you settling in?” Hanzo asked, as he pushed the cup of tea towards Kuai Liang.

“I’m fine.” He accepted the cup, taking it in his hands but didn’t try to drink it yet. “Your temple is very beautiful.”

“Thank you, though I can not take much credit for that,” Hanzo admitted, taking his own tea and sipping it. “My acolytes are the one who take care of the upkeep.”

Kuai hummed, finally taking his own sip of tea. Hanzo didn’t miss the way Kuai’s eyes widened, before he very quickly took another couple of sips. He quickly asked between his drinking, “speaking of your acolytes, did they send the message?”

“They did.” Hanzo was hesitant to say anymore. Kuai didn’t need to know the cruel way his Grandmaster had reacted. Kuai was staring at him expectantly however, and Hanzo knew he had to say a little more. “My acolyte mentioned your Grandmaster was not kind with his wording, although would not tell me what was said.”

“It’s okay, I have an idea what the nature of the comments might be,” Kuai admitted lowly, closing his eyes as he did. “The Grandmaster doesn’t exactly have the highest opinion of me, he’s probably angry that I would take more than one day to negotiate with you.”

Hanzo scoffed, “nothing worthwhile is built in a day. It takes time to build a sturdy foundation, and build from there. Your Grandmaster is a fool to think otherwise.”

Kuai just stared at Hanzo silently, looking alarmed. His eyes darted around the room, like he was expecting someone to reveal themselves from the shadows.

“There is no one here but us,” Hanzo clarified, wondering if Kuai was worried about his acolytes overhearing or someone else.

“This is a test,” Kuai said. A statement, not a question. He was certain of this. “He has asked you to test my loyalty.”

Hanzo couldn’t help but screw his face up in disgust, “even if he had, I would not have approved of such a thing.” There was something concerning about this reaction. Why would this even be something he would be afraid of? “What makes you believe this is a test?”

“We are not supposed to speak poorly of our Grandmaster,” Kuai told him, still wearily eyeing up the room. “We do not question his will, and we certainly are not supposed to criticise his ways.”

Hanzo knew there was a reason he didn’t like the village. He had a feeling he wasn’t going to get Kuai’s true feelings on his Grandmaster without first assuring him that his words would not make their way back to the Lin Kuei. So, baby steps. Make Kuai feel more comfortable, and then later figure out how long the Lin Kuei Grandmaster would burn for.

“I see this is an uncomfortable topic for you, so we should move on.” Hanzo lent across the table and offered a sly smile. “Besides, it is you that I would prefer to speak of.”

“I am not sure what else there is,” Kuai said quietly, grabbing his wrist with his hand and rubbing it. “I am not really as interesting at you seem to think.”

I vehemently disagree. He did not voice that thought, it was often hard to convince someone of their own worth. Instead he just lent his head on his hand, trying to think of a topic to help coax Kuai into talking more freely about himself.

“I am sure you must have some stories to tell from your work as healer,” Hanzo pointed out. It was a topic he’d talked about before, and always found everyone he asked had different stories to tell. “For instance, how exactly did you come to walk that path?”

“Like I mentioned, my Grandfather and Brother refused to let me join the armies.” Kuai finally let go of his wrist, but it wasn’t the end of his nervous fidgeting. He now just seemed to not know what to do with his hands. “I still wished to be of use however, which is when my Grandfather took me to the healers and requested they take me under their wing.”

“Do you like being a healer?” He questioned. It seemed almost like he’d been forced out into the role. He could imagine that could foster some form of resentment.

“I do,” Kuai said, the most chipper he’d sounded since he’d arrived, so Hanzo was inclined to believe this was true. “I enjoy helping people, even if my patients in particular are not always so grateful.”

“Some people do not appreciate these things until they are gone,” Hanzo commented, a sad truth he had learnt from millennia of watching the lives of mortals. He’d seen entire societies ban utilities they considered wrong or useless, only to discover how much they did for them after. “I do hope you do not receive too much backlash.”

And if he did, Hanzo would very much like the names of the perpetrators so he could have a word with them.

“Backlash, not so much, snide comments, maybe,” Kuai said somewhat deadpan. “I don’t really care, the other healers are kind to me, and I know they appreciate me, so that’s all I need.”

Hanzo was glad to hear that at least Kuai’s colleagues weren’t so dismissive. It did make him wonder what Kuai’s other relationships were like though. And whatever people thought of his work, there was no denying that Kuai was a very good looking man. Hanzo could imagine he had many suitors fighting for his affections.

“Do you have many other relationships with your fellow villagers?” Hanzo went to pour himself a second cup of tea, noticing Kuai’s cup was also now empty he went to fill that too. “I can imagine you have numerous people enamoured with you.”

Kuai let out a strained laugh, as he replied “oh, no, not really.” Hanzo didn’t believe that for a second. “I have friends, but no one interested romantically.” Kuai pursed his lips and looked like he was thinking. “I mean, I always suspected my best friend had feelings for me, but when I asked him for a relationship, he turned me down, so I suspect I misread his intentions.”

Hanzo wondered if that was really the case, or if this friend had instead turned Kuai down in a panic or for fear of judgement from their peers.

“I am a bit of a black sheep, I suppose,” Kuai continued. “Not many people really care for me, except my healer brethren, my brother, and my best friend.” Kuai looked away, staring out the window. In the distance, you could just about make out his village. “Our village values fighters, above all things. Those who do not take that path are seen as outsiders and generally regarded as useless or cowardly.”

“That seems an unfair judgement towards you for something you did not choose for yourself.” Hanzo watched as Kuai continued to look wistfully out the window.

“That doesn’t really matter, it is just how our culture is, I guess.” Kuai finally turned back to him. “I think part of why they sent me this year was a form of punishment and humiliation. They expected me to come back with nothing so they could use me as an example of why no one should be like me. Despite the fact no one else has succeeded either.”

Hanzo had no idea how he kept his composure. The idea they might have sent him here to fail was despicable. It made him wonder just what the Grandmaster had said to his acolyte. Bastard does not deserve my protection.

But refusal put Kuai in a bad position. It would “prove” he was as useless as they seemed to think he was. Damn them. This had nothing to do with the village itself at this point, and everything to do with what Kuai Liang wanted from him. If Kuai asked him to kill them all, he would do so without hesitation.

But he hadn’t.

So Hanzo silently resolved that he would earn Kuai’s trust, and he would stand by his word to offer the village protection.

And he would make sure those ungrateful wrenches knew exactly who had brought such a gift to them.

----------------------------------------------------

Kuai was slowly becoming more comfortable around Hanzo.

It was little things that Hanzo noticed. Kuai no longer traversed the temple like he was trying to remain unseen. He walked into rooms without sticking his head around the door frame before entering. He stopped acting paranoid that some omnipresent force would swoop in and reprimand him for speaking poorly of the Grandmaster.

He was being more open with his interests as well. He didn’t have much outside of his healing, more out of lack of availability than want however. One of the first true times he felt Kuai had begun to bond with him, was when they sat down and Kuai tried to teach him how to play mahjong.

Even if the game did frustrate Hanzo a little, given he kept getting into situations where he had no more valid moves, Kuai was patent with teaching him how to play. If Hanzo was honest, he was more captivated by watching Kuai play. He looked so relaxed as he paired up the tiles with ease. He left the table set up should Kuai decide he wishes to play during moments where Hanzo was busy.

His acolytes had needed advice on an issue, meaning that so far today, he had not yet been able to speak with Kuai. When he was finally done, seeking out his guest was his first priority. As understanding as Kuai was of Hanzo’s position, it still felt rude to leave him unattended for long periods of time.

He made his way to the room they’d had their tea in, it seemed to be Kuai’s favourite place in the temple and thus the first place he would check. Indeed, when he walked in, there Kuai was, sat at the mahjong table. However, he wasn’t alone, two of Hanzo’s acolytes were sat with him. They hadn’t noticed Hanzo yet, so he stood and observed the interaction. Kuai seemed to be listening intently to what the acolytes were saying, occasionally nodding, smiling and laughing.

Hanzo hadn’t realised before that he was worried how his acolytes would treat Kuai and vice versa. The relief that they were getting on well was immeasurable.

Hanzo coughed lightly, making his presence known. All three men turned their heads to see who was there. When Kuai saw Hanzo, a blush came across his face.

“Are things well?” Hanzo questioned, walking towards them. The two acolytes stood up as he approached.

“Yes, Lord Hasashi,” one of his acolytes replied with a bow. “Kuai Liang was just teaching us how to play Mahjong.”

Hanzo chuckled at that. Seems he was not the only person Kuai was going to rope into this. He wasn’t going to complain, he definitely liked to encourage his worshipers to take time for themselves, a nice fun game to play would be beneficial to moral.

“Do you need anything Lord Hasashi?” The other acolyte questioned.

“Not right now,” Hanzo replied, walking past them to settle opposite the table to Kuai Liang. “You do not have to leave solely because I am here, you may join us, if you wish.”

The two acolytes shared a strange knowing look between them, before the first one replied with, “it’s quite alright Lord Hasashi, there is work we should be doing anyway.”

The two acolytes bowed again before excusing themselves. Hanzo turned back to Kuai, who thankfully wasn’t upset that his conversation had been cut short. Still, it wouldn’t hurt to check.

“I do apologise if I interrupted your conversation,” he offered with a smile. Kuai smiled back, before turning his attention to the Mahjong table.

“No, it’s okay, I’m glad you’re here.” Hanzo tried not to scream from the sheer joy that sentence brought him. I’m glad you’re here! He’s happy to see me! It was a big sentiment from a man who only a few weeks ago was scared to enter a room without being invited first. “Your acolytes are very interesting.” Kuai took a pair of tiles, before looking expectantly at Hanzo. Ah. Hanzo stared at the board, realising that it was his turn. “They talk very highly of you.”

“A lot have given up much to assist me, it is only right for me to provide them a good life in return,” Hanzo replied, taking two of the tiles, still unsure if he was playing this game right. He did smirk though as he looked across at Kuai and said “so, you were talking about me then?”

Kuai squeaked and his face went bright red and he looked away, while stammering “I- I- Well- I- You see-“

Hanzo cut him off with a laugh and commented, “you’re adorable when you’re flustered.” Kuai shot him an unimpressed looked. “Relax, it is only natural that you would ask questions to those who know me well.”

“Grandfather always told me, that the way to check the heart of a God was to check those of their followers.” Kuai took two more tiles from the board. He’d barely even looked at what he was doing, Hanzo was in awe at how he was able to memorise where tiles were with such certainty.

“Your Grandfather was a wise man,” Hanzo noted. “There are many deities who rule with fear, but that does not inspire loyalty.”

“There are many humans who rule with fear too,” Kuai stated sadly, looking through the window, in the direction of his village. Hanzo had no need to question who he was talking about. “You are right. It inspires obedience rather than loyalty. The second that things are bad, those you tried to lead will leave you to be eaten alive.”

“Precisely.” Hanzo turned his attention back to the board. He was determined to win this game, if only in an attempt to impress Kuai Liang. “Loyalty is earned, not given.”

“Out of curiosity,” Kuai began, turning back in time to watch Hanzo staring intently at the Mahjong board. From the corner of his eye, he could see Kuai’s amused smile. “Is this the sort of thing that would be expected of me?” Hanzo made a confused huff, not sure what he was actually asking. “Loyalty, and worship.”

“Loyalty, yes, but as I already said, that is earned. Though you should know you already have mine,” he commented as he took two more tiles. “As for worship. No.” He looked Kuai in the eyes. “I would never expect that from someone I am equals with.” Hanzo felt his mouth split into a grin, as he figured another way to fluster Kuai further. “If anything, I intend to be the one to worship you.”

It worked, Kuai looked away in embarrassment, although to Hanzo’s surprise he was softly laughing this time.

“You truly are audacious,” Kuai commented, pushing some hair behind his ear. He quietly took another couple of tiles without looking at the board. “I’ve never heard of something so preposterous. A God worshiping a mere mortal.”

“Not a mere mortal,” Hanzo replied, realising that there were only a few tiles left, and it looked like they would be able to clear the board. “You are not a mere anything.” Hanzo watched as Kuai turned back to the board and seemed to realise they would clear it. The first time since Hanzo had begun to learn how to play. “Besides, if it were not for mortals, the Gods would have nothing.”

“How so?” Kuai asked genuinely. Hanzo didn’t miss the small smile as he continued to take the tiles.

“They are the ones who chose to give us their time, they built our temples and tend to our world.” Hanzo saw the way Kuai’s face scrunched up. “Is there a problem?”

“I am curious, if you truly feel that way, how come you so seldom offer your protection?” Kuai asked, tilting his head.

“Despite being a god, I still can not be in multiple places at once.” He reached to take the last pair of tiles. “I can not offer protection to every village that requests it, and I’ve found offering it at all lends to arguments as well as feelings of favouritism and unfairness.” Despite himself he smirked at the empty board. He felt a heat in his chest when he saw the look of pride Kuai was giving him. “Individuals who come to worship me are free to do so, and they are free to make requests of me, within reason.”

“So, why are you willing to consider protecting my village?”

“Because you are not like anyone else they have sent. Similar to Harumi before you, you did something that surprised me.” It was strange. Harumi and Kuai were different people, in terms of personality at least, but very similar in ways that mattered. Their opinions, their beliefs, their intelligence, their determination. Hanzo wondered if it was possible that Kuai Liang was her reincarnated and brought back to him. “Granted what she did to surprise me was very different.”

“Well, you can’t tell me that and not say how she won you over?” Kuai said with a cheeky grin.

“She walked into my temple, looked me straight in the eye and demanded that I marry her.” He felt justified in the giggle that came from Kuai. Honestly, it still made him laugh thinking back. She had come in so confident and so sure, and yet seemed surprised that her plan had actually worked. “It was such a bold move I naturally had no choice but to comply.”

“Naturally,” Kuai said with a smirk. “I think I understand why you liked her.”

“Yet you can’t seem to understand why I like you?” Hanzo pointed out, and Kuai sighed softly in return.

“Like I said, I have never had anyone really express interest in me, it has been surprising that the first person who has is a God.” To Hanzo’s surprise Kuai reached over to take his hand. “But… I also think I understand why she liked you too.”

Hanzo tried not to completely loose all composure. He was sure he was failing given the look Kuai was giving him.

“You’re adorable when you’re flustered,” Kuai parroted back at him, and there was something about the smug grin Kuai had on his face that was making Hanzo’s heart race.

“Now who’s the audacious one,” Hanzo countered, trying to remain impassive, although he knew he was absolutely failing. “And after I cleared the Mahjong board.”

“Yes, you did,” Kuai said, finally retracting his hand. Hanzo stopped himself from reaching for it again. “I’m quite proud of you for picking it up so quickly.”

“Well, I had an excellent teacher.” The modest laugh from Kuai only fuelled his admiration for the man. Hanzo picked up one of the tiles, and held it up. “Care for another game, Kuai Liang?”

“I think I have another round in me, Lord Hasashi,” Kuai replied, accepting the tile from Hanzo.

Hanzo passed the rest of his tiles over, and watched eagerly as Kuai set up a new game.

----------------------------------------------------

Kuai was getting bolder.

A lot bolder. Hanzo was genuinely pleased with how far out of his shell Kuai had come. Everyday, he got more and more open, begun to smile more, laugh more, flirt with Hanzo more.

He was even getting more bold with requesting things.

Even so, Hanzo hadn’t expected the words that came from Kuai’s mouth when he entered the throne room that morning.

“Lord Hasashi,” Kuai addressed, as he approached the throne. Hanzo was surprised, Kuai had barely been in this room since their first meeting. It was yet another sign of how comfortable Kuai Liang was getting, feeling more at ease with traversing the temple. “I was wondering if you could help me practice sparring.”

Hanzo blinked in surprise.

“Of course, but, may I ask what brought this on?” He was curious, aside from when they’d first met, Kuai hadn’t really shown much interest in fighting.

“I just wish to get better, should I ever be in another situation where I need to defend myself,” Kuai admitted, bowing his head slightly. “And I have seen the way you teach your acolytes to fight. You are a far more patient teacher than my brother was.”

Ah. Hanzo could understand that, and depending on how their relationship went, Kuai had a very valid reason for wanting a way to shield himself. Consort’s and spouses of deities tended to be targeted by those with grudges, and Hanzo wouldn’t always be able to save him. He had taught Harumi how to fight all those years ago, it would make sense for him to do the same with Kuai Liang.

It also somehow was not surprising to him to know that Kuai Liang’s brother wasn’t too good a teacher.

Kuai had potential though, Hanzo had seen that for himself already. With a little more honing Kuai could be a very fearsome warrior.

“Very well,” Hanzo replied, pushing himself off his throne. It felt like a strange repeat from only a few weeks ago, except there was a lot less at stake this time. He mentally compared how Kuai looked now compared to their first meeting. In the beginning he’d been so rigid, on edge and unsure, and now he was stood relaxed but head held high. It was wonderful to witness.

He walked over to where he kept the training weapons. While he wouldn’t be hurt by any strikes, the same couldn’t be said for Kuai Liang. He figured that injury would be quite counter productive to his current goal. He took two wooden training swords, and made his way back to Kuai.

First things first, he needed to try and correct Kuai’s form slightly.

“Here,” he handed a sword to Kuai, who accepted it without question. “To start with, your form was good, it just needs a bit of refining. Can you get into position for me?“

As Kuai positioned himself, Hanzo came up behind him. Kuai made a small huff when Hanzo touched him, but didn’t voice any complaints. Hanzo nudged Kuai’s feet with his own, making the gap between them slightly bigger. He gently pushed on Kuai’s back, straightening him out rather than hunched over like he had been.

“I know it seems like the best idea to hunch up, and make yourself small,” Hanzo explained as he grasped Kuai’s wrist to fix his hands. “But you loose a lot of movement that way.”

“I see.” Kuai made no complaints as Hanzo stepped away. He moved in front of Kuai, bringing up his own sword into a position.

“First, I’d like to see how you block,” Hanzo stated. “Your offence can only be as good as your defence, knowing when to strike is key.”

“I always wondered about that,” Kuai spoke as Hanzo went to strike. Kuai just about brought up the sword to block him. “Bi-Han always encouraged me to be more aggressive.” Kuai managed to block another attack, and Hanzo had to admit his reflexes were extremely sharp. “But I always thought just rushing someone wasn’t the best strategy.”

“What strategy would you use?” Hanzo asked, silently getting into a defensive stance and seeing if Kuai would take the chance. He did, bringing his sword down against Hanzo’s.

“Stealth, if I’m being honest,” Kuai replied, as he chanced another strike. Hanzo managed to push back, and Kuai stumbled slightly. Hanzo took another swing, feeling very pleased when Kuai managed to bring his sword in time to block the attack. “Use the element of surprise to get an upper hand in the beginning, and then use a mix of blocks and strikes to hopefully keep up the advantage or attempt to disarm my opponent.”

“Not a bad idea,” Hanzo commented, watching as Kuai tried to do a similar push back move. It didn’t work as well, mostly because Hanzo was a lot heavier than any man Kuai was used to. “It is a shame your family did not allow you to become a warrior, I get the feeling you would have been a magnificent tactician.”

Kuai laughed at that, once more trying to push Hanzo away when their swords collided. It was at this point his eyes narrowed, and Hanzo could practically see the his mind working out a new way to get the sword off his sparing partner. He was curious what Kuai would do, how he would come up with a plan in the heat of the moment.

So Hanzo just continued to alternate between attacking and defending, giving Kuai chance to practise both and come up with his plan to disarm Hanzo. Granted, this wouldn’t happen on the battlefield, but if Kuai could think and adapt his plans in the middle of a fight, it would give him an invaluable skill.

It didn’t take Kuai long to set his plan into motion, when as Hanzo sliced forward, Kuai ducked. The sword just went over Kuai’s head, missing him by a hair. Once it had cleared Kuai’s head, he jumped back to his feet, and struck a hit at Hanzo’s hand. There was no pain but the surprise of the move was enough for Hanzo unclenched his hand and let go.

Hanzo watched the wooden sword fall to the floor, and before he could even think about going to grab it, he found the point of Kuai’s at his neck. He looked over, not even bothering to hide how elated he was.

“Do you yield, Lord Hasashi?” Kuai asked, and he looked as serious as he had that first day they met. He looked so handsome when he meant business.

Hanzo broke out into a grin as he said “you’re so beautiful.”

“I’m starting to think you might have a thing for getting your ass handed to you,” Kuai commented, taking Hanzo’s compliment to mean an admittance of defeat.

“Only when it’s you,” Hanzo replied, because it was true. Sure he had been defeated in the past, but absolutely none of those defeats felt fulfilling. That was a feeling reserved solely for Kuai Liang. “I am serious though, with some more training, you would make a formidable foe.”

“Well, it’s a good job I have an excellent teacher.” It seemed Kuai’s favourite way to flirt was throwing Hanzo’s compliments back at him. “Would you care for another round, Lord Hasashi?”

Hanzo walked over to where his sword lay on the floor, picking it up and holding it out.

“It would be my honour.”

----------------------------------------------------

The comfort of night was soothing to Hanzo. As a god he did not need to sleep, so he often went to watch the sun set and then rise again. The majority of his acolytes were asleep, as well as Kuai Liang, and there had only ever been a handful of nighttime emergencies over the years.

He liked to sit on the roof of his temple and look up at the moon and stars, the lunar gods and goddesses took such good care of them. It was sad that only the most dedicated of mortals ever got to see them. Hanzo appreciated them though, and often let them know by way of gifts from his temple to theirs.

“So, this is where you hide at night.”

Hanzo turned in surprise at the voice, to see Kuai clambering up to the roof himself.

“You should be sleeping,” Hanzo commented, although really, he would not argue against spending more time with Kuai.

“I couldn’t sleep, I’ve been thinking too much,” Kuai explained as he carefully made his way over the tiles to sit next to Hanzo. “I was hoping I could talk to you.”

“Of course.” Hanzo worried if it was too cold out here for Kuai. He wasn’t wearing his usual hanfu, instead donning a kimono one of the acolytes had lent to him. “Is there something wrong?”

Kuai cleared his throat, “it has been a month since I came here.” Ah. It has, hasn’t it? To Hanzo that was barely any time but he acknowledged that for Kuai it was a lot longer. “I think soon my village will want an answer.”

“I see,” Hanzo hummed. He agreed, the Lin Kuei would start to get impatient. If Hanzo had his way, Kuai would stay indefinitely without fear of having to go back, but he knew that was not to be. “Well, the answer does depend on what you want.”

Kuai opened his mouth, before quickly closing it. He smiled shyly, before reaching his hands to Hanzo’s face and cradling his cheeks careful, as Kuai lent forward so their faces were directly in front of each other. Hanzo wondered for a moment what he was doing.

And then Kuai’s lips met his.

Hanzo gasped in surprise, it took a few seconds for him to really take in what was happening. His own hands worked on instinct, one wrapping around Kuai’s back and pulling him close while the other cradled the back of his head. He tried not to feel disappointed by Kuai pulling away.

“Does that explain what I want?” Kuai said, suddenly looking shy and biting his lip. Hanzo wanted nothing more than to bite it for him.

“Hm, it might need a bit more explanation,” Hanzo teased, and it was completely worth it when Kuai lent in to kiss him again. This time, Hanzo opened his mouth, using his tongue to encourage Kuai to do the same. As Kuai silently agreed to the request, Hanzo let his tongue slip inside. It was clear Kuai did not have as much experience as Hanzo, but it didn’t matter, it was still wonderful. Hanzo pulled away long enough to whisper “Will you allow me to make love to you?”

“Yes, but-“ Kuai shifted back slightly, brow furrowed and lips tights. “I’ve- uh- I’ve never been intimate with anyone before.”

“That’s okay,” Hanzo assured, using his grip on Kuai’s back to guide the man to straddle his lap. “We will go at whatever pace you find comfortable, and nothing will continue if you do not wish it to.”

“Thank you,” Kuai said gently, settling himself on Hanzo’s lap. “I- Ah- I guess this is the part where I start to take off my clothes?“

Hanzo’s hand reached for the Obi cinched around Kuai’s midsection, pulling it off. Kuai’s own hands went to Hanzo’s armour, trying to unclasp the various clasps holding it in place. Kuai huffed in annoyance as he struggled to figure out how to do it. Hanzo took pity on him, taking his hands to his chest armour and unclipping everything. As the armour fell away, he discarded it, before taking the fabric of his undershirt and removed it too. Hanzo tried not to have an ego, but god the way Kuai’s eyes widened at his bare chest, particularly his abs, definitely stroked it.

“You seem impressed,” Hanzo noted, gently taking Kuai’s hands in his and placing them on his chest. Kuai’s face went that beautiful shade of red it tended to go. “You were so bold moments ago, it’s cute that you can go from that to so shy.”

Kuai’s hands began to explore his chest, squeezing his muscles, fingers brushing against Hanzo’s nipples. Hanzo’s hands reached for the kimono, pulling it away but letting it remain over Kuai’s shoulders. The weather was mild after all, and at least this would Kuai would have something other than Hanzo’s body heat to keep him warm.

Kuai’s body was beautiful, a work of art. He’d suspected Kuai had some sort of muscle, given how powerful his strike could be, but he didn’t expect them to be quite as defined as they were.

As if sensing the silent question, Kuai explained with, “being a healer requires me to carry the injured.”

“I see,” Hanzo purred, reaching his own hands forward to start to feel for himself. His hands squeezed at Kuai’s pecs, before his thumbs went to circle Kuai’s nipples. Kuai immediately groaned and arched his back. “So sensitive.”

Kuai made a cute whimper as Hanzo pinched lightly. This was definitely something Hanzo wanted to explore more, but it might be a bit much for a first time. He let his hands go lower, fingers trailing along Kuai’s skin. His hands hooked into Kuai’s underwear and began to pull them down, enough for Kuai’s cock to spring free. Kuai looked flustered by the fact he was already half hard.

“Don’t feel embarrassed,” Hanzo tried to gently assure, wrapping his hand around Kuai’s cock and giving it a slow stroke. “This is a compliment.” Just Hanzo’s hand seemed to be overwhelming for Kuai, if the way his hands reached for Hanzo’s shoulders was anything to go by. “Are you well?”

“Y-yes,” Kuai replied with a groan. “Please don’t stop.”

“I won’t,” Hanzo whispered, pressing another kiss to Kuai’s lips as he begun to pump his hand in a steady rhythm, the lovely feeling of Kuai getting harder with every stroke. Kuai gave a gasping moan. “Does that feel good?”

“Yes,” Kuai whispered, his hips thrusting in jerky unsure movements. “Ah. No one’s ever touched me before.”

“Have you ever touched yourself?” Hanzo questioned, twisting his hand and enjoying the way it made Kuai shudder.

“No. We were discouraged. Too high a chance at being caught,” Kuai said between laboured breathes while shaking his head.

“A shame,” Hanzo grumbled. Exploring ones own body was such a natural urge, Hanzo had no idea where mortals got the impression the gods disapproved of such things, but he cursed whomever spread that misinformation.

Hanzo pulled out a vial of oil from his lower pocket, and with one hand still on Kuai’s cock he undid the lid with his other, trying to apply some to his fingers.

“I see you’re prepared,” Kuai said with a sly smiled. “Did your godly powers tell you I was coming?”

Hanzo chucked, he knew how it looked. Truth was, the oil tended to come in useful for other emergencies, it just happened to also be safe to use as a lubricant.

“Maybe,” Hanzo snorted, happy that he’d gotten at least one of his fingers coated in the oil. He reached behind Kuai, using the digit to search for his entrance. As he pressed against it, he felt Kuai stiffen a little. “Relax, and let me know if I’m hurting you.”

Kuai nodded, as Hanzo slowly began to press his finger in. Kuai clenched his hands, fingernails digging into Hanzo’s skin.

“I��m okay,” Kuai stated before Hanzo could ask. “It just feels strange.”

“It will at first,” Hanzo replied, pressing a kiss into Kuai’s neck and starting to pump his cock a little harder, hoping the sensations would help distract from the unusual feeling of the finger. “But I have to open you for me, otherwise I could hurt you.”

“I understand.” Kuai’s body began to settle again, Hanzo slowly began to push his finger in and out, trying to spread the oil and encourage Kuai’s entrance to relax. “My brother explained some things to me, but with women.” Kuai’s face screwed up a little, but not from discomfort. “He doesn’t know I…”

Kuai’s voice trailed off, but Hanzo had a feeling he knew how the sentence would have ended.

“He doesn’t know you are attracted to men?” Hanzo questioned, as he realised Kuai was probably ready for another finger.

“No,” Kuai said with a shake of the head. Hanzo slipped his finger free, reaching for the oil to apply some on a second finger. “Our village doesn’t think it’s proper. If my friend hadn’t turned me down, we would have had to keep our relationship secret.” Hanzo wondered now if that had been the true reason for the rejection. “But I’m not scared of their reactions with you.”

“Oh?” Hanzo prompted, pushing his two fingers back inside Kuai. Kuai jolted slightly in surprise, but to Hanzo’s astonishment seconds later he was pushing himself down, trying to take more of Hanzo’s fingers inside him.

“You are a god, who are they to refuse your desires?” Kuai sighed, his voice starting to sound blissed out. “If those that made our world what it is do not find it shameful, then can it really be as wrong as the Grandmaster says?”

“You should never have felt ashamed of your feelings,” Hanzo hummed, gently pressing a third finger inside. “I will make sure you never experience those fears again.” He used his thumb to circle the head of Kuai’s cock, causing the man to buck in his lap. “Anything you want can not be wrong.”

Kuai made a small content purr, leaning in for another kiss, as his hands continued to explore Hanzo’s body. They made their way to Hanzo’s biceps, and lingered their for a lot longer than anywhere else. He could feel Kuai smiled against his lips, and those fingers traces the definition lines.

Hanzo chanced a forth finger, Kuai showed no resistance. It was soon after that Hanzo decided Kuai was ready for him. He pulled his fingers free and let go of Kuai’s cock, holding in a laugh when Kuai made a short needy sound at the loss. He brought his hands to his own belt, pulling his trousers down just enough to bring out his own cock. Kuai gasped and bit his lip.

Hanzo took one of Kuai’s hands off his bicep, bringing it up to his mouth before kissing the knuckle, before guiding it down. Kuai immediately got the assignment, and once his hand was low enough, he wrapped it around Hanzo’s cock. His inexperience showed, as he didn’t seem sure what to do, but Hanzo was more than happy just having his hand on him.

He grabbed the oil again, pouring a generous amount over his cock. This prompted Kuai to begin to move his hand, using it to spread the oil over. Hanzo groaned, the feeling was pure bliss, but he knew it would be nothing compared to being inside Kuai.

When he was satisfied, he went to grab Kuai by the waist. Kuai moved both his arms around Hanzo’s shoulders, as Hanzo lifted him and brought him closer. He lowered him again, reaching down to his own cock and guiding it toward Hanzo’s entrance.

“Stay relaxed, and tell me if you need to stop at any point,” he instructed, before slowly letting Kuai sink down onto his cock. Kuai let out a breath as he was penetrated, causing Hanzo to pause with just the tip inside. “Are you okay?”

“Y-yes,” Kuai said in shaky voice, “just, slowly, please?”

“Of course,” Hanzo assured, kissing Kuai’s forehead. “Just let me know when you’re ready.”

It was a slow process, every so often Kuai would tell Hanzo to keep going, before asking to take a pause. This was fine, the last thing Hanzo wanted to do was hurt Kuai Liang. It took a few minutes, but finally he bottomed out, Kuai comfortably sitting on Hanzo’s thighs with his cock buried deep inside him. Hanzo kept him there, letting him get used to the feeling, rubbing circles in Kuai’s hips to reassure him.

“I’m ready,” Kuai finally confirmed.

“Okay, we’ll take it slow,” Hanzo assured, moving his hands slightly to grab Kuai’s ass.

He used his grip to encourage Kuai to lift himself using his knees. It was only a few inches, before he guided him back down. Kuai shuddered slightly, and Hanzo knew he had probably just brushed up against Kuai’s prostate. To his surprise, Kuai took in initiative to lift himself up again.

“That’s it,” Hanzo encouraged, “just do what feels right.” Hanzo squeezed his hands, Kuai’s ass was wonderful to just knead and play with. “Do what makes you feel good.”

“Hanzo,” Kuai breathed out. Hanzo had to hold back his joy. He called me Hanzo. Not Lord Hasashi. Hanzo!

It was amazing how quickly Kuai took to this. Soon he had started a rhythm, lifting himself up and down, his breaths coming out in quick pants and moans. Hanzo took a chance to buck his hips up as Kuai dropped, and the loud groan that came from Kuai’s lips was heaven.

Hanzo finally let go of Kuai’s ass, one hand reaching for his chin and the other going down to his cock again. He kissed Kuai once again, stroking his cock in time to the thrusts. He eagerly swallowed every desperate sound that came from Kuai’s lips. He could feel the other man trembling, and he knew he wouldn’t last much longer.

His assessment was proven correct when minutes later, Kuai made a particularly loud noise, and Hanzo began to feel his hand growing wet. Kuai clenched around him, and Hanzo brought Kuai all the way down before allowing himself to reach his own climax. He kept stroking Kuai’s cock, making sure his love was fully satisfied before anything else.

Hanzo let himself gently fall back, pulling Kuai with him. Kuai lay atop him, not yet bothering to remove his cock, the connection feeling too nice to break from for now. He wrapped his arms around, holding him close.

“Are you well, my love?” Hanzo asked. If there was anything he could do to please Kuai Liang, he would in a heartbeat.

“I am better than I’ve ever been,” Kuai whispered, his eyes closed and nuzzling into Hanzo’s chest. “You are wonderful.”

“You are the wonderful one,” Hanzo assured, trailing his hand along Kuai’s spine. “I am blessed that you graced the walls of my temple.” The smile of Kuai’s face was beautiful. “How are you feeling about our courting?”

“I love you, and I would love to be your husband one day,” Kuai admitted, “but the prospect of rushing into it still scares me.”

“That is only natural,” Hanzo assured, “like with everything, we can go at your pace. I would be honoured, however, if you agreed to be my consort.”

“I would like that,” Kuai said, sounding half asleep.

Hanzo kissed Kuai’s forehead again, feeling him begin to fall asleep in his arms. He lay back and gazed at the stars, the flames of his love ignited to a degree he had not felt since Harumi.

I truly am blessed.

----------------------------------------------------

Hanzo couldn’t help smirking to himself as he followed behind Kuai. He had never actually been to the Lin Kuei village, and given everything he knew about how Kuai Liang was treated, he couldn’t wait to see the other villagers faces when they saw the two of them together.

He could see the gates to the village, two guards stood out on post. Hanzo decided to hold back a few seconds. He wished to observe the interaction first. Kuai glanced behind him, sensing that Hanzo had stopped, and just nodded. He loved how Kuai just instinctively knew his plan.

“Well, well, well, aren’t you a sight for sore eyes,” the one guard started, his tone harsh and mocking.

“Can’t help but notice you’re alone,” the other taunted, crossing his arms and looking so very smug. “It took you a month to come back empty handed. Looks like the Grandmaster was right, you are useless.”

Kuai said nothing, just turned his body to look behind him. Hanzo took the queue to walk out of the shadows. Oh, the way those smug looks dissolved from their faces was so satisfying. The two men stared at him with open mouths, before they looked at Kuai again.

“Hanzo would like to speak with the Grandmaster regarding the terms of our agreement.”

The two guard’s didn’t move a muscle, their eyes had widened when Kuai had referred to him as Hanzo however. As much as their reaction was amusing, Hanzo was growing impatient with their incompetence. He made a circle motion with his hand, and this warning seemed to be enough to snap them into action.

They led the way through the village, Hanzo always staying a few steps behind Kuai Liang. It was customary usually for a consort to follow their God, but Hanzo wanted to make a point. That Kuai had earned his loyalty, where all others had failed, and as such, Hanzo would follow him to the edge of the earth.

As they made their way, passers by stopped what they were doing to watch. He could hear disbelieving whispers that Lord Hasashi had finally graced their village. Some even followed them, clearly hoping to be witness to what was about to happen.

As they came to a village square, a crowd began to form around them. Two men in particular pushed their way to the front. One Hanzo recognised as Bi-Han, the other was unfamiliar but given he had grey hair, Hanzo matched it to a description of Tomas that Kuai had given him. Both men were looking at Kuai like he’d just accomplished an impossible feat. On the other side, a few people gathered who wore similar hanfu’s to Kuai had worn. One in particular, a man with dark skin and wearing yellow, looked at him with a proud smile on his face. They must have been Kuai’s fellow healer’s and Hanzo made note to get Kuai to introduce them later.

It wasn’t long before the Grandmaster was approaching, and his face was the most delicious of them all. He looked like he had seen a ghost.

“Lord Hasashi,” he started, sounding like his mind was scrambling to make sense of what was happening. “You have actually heeded our calling.”

“I have,” Hanzo answered, waiting for the excited and surprised mutterings from the crowd to go down. “I think you will find that Kuai Liang has negotiated a very fair deal.”

“I… See,” The Grandmaster said, straightening out as he looked towards Kuai with a very disbelieving look. Disgusting, even with the evidence in front of him, he doesn’t think Kuai capable. Hanzo was going to enjoy making him squirm with his conditions. “What exactly is this deal?”

“I will offer your village the protection you have been craving,” Hanzo began, reaching to place his hand on Kuai’s shoulder. “And in exchange, Kuai Liang shall be my consort.”

There were a few shocked gasps throughout the crowd, and the Grandmaster’s face looked somewhere between disgusted and scandalised. Hanzo glanced around the crowd, looking towards the healers just in time to see the man in yellow whisper to his colleagues “that’s our Kuai”. The other healers seemed happy. On the other side however, neither Tomas or Bi-Han looked happy with this news. Tomas looked devastated, and while Hanzo had some sympathy regarding his situation, the other bitter part of him couldn’t help thinking, good, you lost your chance.

Bi-Han though. Bi-Han looked furious. It looked like he was using all his strength to hold himself back from just walking over and punching Hanzo in the face.

“Is there a problem with this proposal, Grandmaster?” Kuai asked innocently, tilting his head. Hanzo couldn’t quite see his face, but he could imagine the faux smile on his face.

“I-“

“I would like to establish, that the protection is your choice Grandmaster,” Hanzo began, his voice low and threatening, “Kuai Liang has agreed to be my consort, regardless of if you take my deal or not, so it really matter’s little to me what you decide. I would however advise you to make the right decision, Grandmaster.”

The Grandmaster stared at Hanzo in stunned silence, although there was another ripple of whispers surrounding them. It seemed to be sinking in that Hanzo was serious, and that none of this really matter to him. The only reason he was here was because of Kuai Liang.

“Okay,” The Grandmaster finally spoke in a resigned voice, looking like he also realised that if he didn’t take this deal, then Hanzo would never offer another chance. “I agree to your conditions, Lord Hasashi.”

“Excellent. I will send some of my acolytes to make the arrangements of my protection.” Hanzo brushed his hand like he was done with it, but there was one more condition he needed to make clear. “Of course Grandmaster, you do realise that as Kuai Liang is now my consort, I expect him to be treated as such.” He reached down to stroke Kuai’s cheek, enjoying the purr that came from Kuai’s throat at the contact. “He is to be given the highest level of respect. If I even so much as think that he is being disrespected or mistreated in any way, by you or any of your followers, then I will revoke my protection, and you will rue the day you invoked my wrath.”

Hanzo did not give chance for reply, he bent down lifting Kuai into a bridal carry, as he turned on his heels and began to walk away. Kuai softly giggled in his arms, and once again he thought of how this man had brought the light back to his life.

He was complete again.

----------------------------------------------------

“Hanzo!”

As Kuai entered the temple, Hanzo felt his mouth turn up into a smile. Two nearby acolytes giggled and cooed softly over how lovesick Hanzo was. Sometimes he wasn’t sure who was more enthusiastic about the relationship, Kuai Liang and himself or the acolytes.

It had been a few months since they had made their conditions clear with the Lin Kuei, and things had only gotten better. Kuai had so much more confidence, it allowed everyone around to truly take in what an outstanding person he was. They had no more troubles with the Lin Kuei, although Hanzo got the feeling Bi-Han was still not happy about things.

But he didn’t matter. Only Kuai did.

And Kuai was flourishing!

“My love,” Hanzo greeted warming, getting off his chair to go and greet his consort. It still felt so unreal to call this man that. He gave him a peck on the lips. “How was the Lin Kuei?”

“They are doing well,” Kuai said with a smile, while he went into his satchel and pulled out a glass bottle of red liquid. “Cyrax sends his thanks for the ointments,” Kuai began, giving the bottle to Hanzo. He frowned at it. “Apparently, he has taken up brewing alcohols in his spare time, this is his first attempt at wine. He thought being the first to taste it was a fair gift in return.”

Hanzo chuckled, he hadn’t intended to recieve anything in return, but well, who could say no to a glass of wine?

“Well, why don’t we taste it together,” Hanzo offered his arm, and Kuai gladly linked up with him. “Say, over a game of Mahjong?”

Kuai’s face lit up even further, “I couldn’t possibly say no to such a tempting offer.”

And off they went, arm in arm, and Hanzo knew that he had made the right choice in asking Kuai Liang to be his own.

#subscorpweek #subscorp #mortal kombat #kuai liang #sub zero #hanzo hasashi #scorpion #🔥❄️subscorp week 2022

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electricbarnes · 4 years ago

Text

tell me you still see me

steve rogers x reader

summary: steve has been working a lot lately. you begin to have doubts about your relationship.

↳ songs i listened to for inspiration

wc: 5.9k | warnings: some angst, overthinking, self-doubt, implied smut

note: this is a repost from my old account that was deleted. so if it’s familiar, that’s why! i wasn’t planning on reposting but i read it over and decided why not. i have another steve fic that i’m almost done with, so i wanted to post this in the meantime. i made a few minor edits. i hope you like it! and if you decide to reread it, thank you x1000 !!

You arrive at your apartment, hands filled with groceries for the week. You struggle to open the door with the many bags on your arms, but eventually make it inside. You kick off your heels and set the bags down on the kitchen counter. After freeing your hands, you reach into your purse to find your phone. You unlock it and tap on the first name at the top of your recent calls.

The phone rings for a bit before you hear the sound of your boyfriend’s voice saying “Hello”.

“Oh my god Steve, you’re never gonna believe what I saw at the store just now,” you say, thinking of the wild thing you witnessed during your shopping trip. It’s not everyday that you see someone throw themselves into a cereal box display. It was a hilarious sight and you just wanted to tell someone about it.

“So, I was just strolling through the isles looking for some snacks when a-” you’re cut off before getting too into the story.

“Honey, can this wait? I’m about to go into a mission briefing,” Steve says in a hushed tone. Immediately, you feel guilty for interrupting him while he’s busy. It was well into the evening and you had assumed he wouldn’t be working.

“Oh, uh yeah of course! I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt anything,” you apologize.

“That’s okay,” he reassures you, “I’ll call you later.”

“Okay, talk to you later then.”

The phone beeps, indicating the call was over. You sigh and go back to the task of putting your groceries away.

You decide to lounge around the rest of the day, trading your work clothes for some comfy sweats and a tee shirt. You spend the night mindlessly scrolling through social media while reruns of some sitcom play on the tv. You even send Steve a few memes here and there. You’re not really sure if he’ll understand them but they reminded you of him.

After eating a late dinner, you channel surf for a bit before putting on a random movie. When the movie finishes, it’s nearly 11pm and you realize that Steve hasn’t called you back. You pick up your phone, tempted to call him but decide it’s better to wait till tomorrow. He hasn’t replied to your texts, so there’s a chance he’s still busy despite the late hour.

Unfortunately for you, being a superhero is a full time job, which means that Steve can be busy at any moment of any day. You knew this going into a relationship with thee Captain America. To be fair though, you didn’t think you’d actually get to know the super soldier like you do now.

When you met Steve, he was just some handsome guy at the park who helped you with directions when you were visibly lost. You ended up seeing him at the park again a couple days later. Recognizing you, he stopped and asked if you wanted to get a coffee. Who were you to deny this man?

You spent two hours in a café getting to know each other before exchanging numbers. In hindsight, his vague answers about his career were a little suspicious. It wasn’t until you went home that night and saw a picture of Steve in a tweet captioned “idc that captain america is like 100 yrs old, he can still get it 😍”.

Needless to say, you were shocked. While you were feeling dumb for not recognizing him sooner, you also wondered why he didn’t say anything. After an awkward confrontation about the subject, he explained how he didn’t want you to go out with him just because he was Captain America. You were quick to ease his worries and reassure him that you were interested in Steve for Steve, not for his heroic persona.

Since then, your relationship with Steve has been nothing but amazing. He was always so sweet with you, taking you on simple but romantic dates. There was something about that 40s charm that was so endearing. You loved the small things, like how he would always open the door for you or how he would bring you flowers on each date. It was so easy to talk to him about anything and everything. You felt like he was not only your boyfriend, but also your best friend.

There were times where you wondered why he ever picked you, an average person compared to the super people he’d work with everyday. He could’ve had anyone he wanted. Steve would say that you were like his sanctuary from the hectic world of being an Avenger. It meant a lot to you that you could be that person for him. You thought he deserved some peace after everything he’s been through. He wanted to protect you from the evil that inherently came with the job, which you understood, so he rarely spoke about the missions he’d go on. The less you knew the better. Though sometimes, you would wish he’d open up more about what was going on while he was away. Especially since he would be gone for days on end.

It was only a month into your relationship that you realized how hard it’d be when he would leave to be Captain America. It was his first time leaving for a mission that lasted longer than a day. He had to spend a week in some place on the other side of the world with no way of contacting him. Of course, you were worried the entire time he was gone. Despite trying to distract yourself with work and personal tasks, Steve was always at the forefront of your mind.

You had never felt such relief than the day he called you after a whole week of silence. Steve had even asked you shyly if he could come over that night. You felt butterflies in your stomach when he told you that he needed to see you. It was the first time he had spent the night at your place. Having Steve’s arms wrapped around you the entire night just felt right. You knew as early as then that you loved him.

Over the year that you had been together, those long missions became easier to manage. You’d always trust that he’d come back to you in one piece. Steve would sometimes feel guilty about being away for so long that he’d try to make it up to you by taking you on an extraordinary date. But you always assured him that you were happy to just be with him, even if it was just something like the two of you watching a movie at your place.

Lately, Steve has been more distant with you. You’ve chalked it up to the fact that there’s a literal distance between you two since he’s moved upstate to the newly built Avengers compound. Before, he was just a short drive away from the Avengers tower to your apartment. Now, he’s hours away from you. There were discussions of you moving in with him, but your job was in the city and you couldn’t leave that behind.

You both decided to make the best of the situation, calling and texting whenever possible. FaceTiming was the usual occurrence throughout the week, often before bed. You’d tell him about your day in the office and he’d tell you about the new recruits he would train. On the weekends, he’d stay over at your place. It was rare that you’d stay at the compound. Steve said he’d preferred your apartment, claiming it was homier than the compound. Plus, you’d actually have some privacy.

For a long time, it had been a good system. You love Steve and did anything to make the relationship work because he’s worth it. Yet, you couldn’t help the lonely nights where you wondered if he felt the same.

Calls were less frequent. Texts were unanswered. Weekend plans were cancelled because Steve would be assigned to missions during those days. You’d understand, of course. He’s out there saving people! You can’t fault him for that, but it doesn’t stop you from missing him.

Now, it had been almost two weeks since you’d last seen him in person. You had texted him throughout the day, but texting wasn’t his favorite thing. Texts were usually reserved for quick check-ins and reminders of I love you’s. He preferred calling and you did too, hearing his voice was much better.

After learning that he had been back from a short mission, you texted him.

You: FaceTime later? ☺️

You were eager to see him, even if it was through a screen. You were just hoping he had the time.

Steve ♡: Sure.

Later that night, you sat on your bed with your laptop, opening up FaceTime. After a few rings, Steve’s face appears on the screen. A smile immediately breaks out on your face.

“Hi babe!” you say cheerily, finally getting to see your boyfriend after what felt like forever.

“Hi honey,” he says with a soft smile.

Your smile dims a bit, eyebrows furrowing when you recognize the background. “Are you still in your office?” It was pretty late and you assumed he’d be in bed by now.

“Yeah, I was finishing up on some mission reports,” he explains, shuffling some papers on his desk.

“Oh, I’m sorry, I thought you’d be done by now,” you apologize, recalling the last time you had interrupted him from his work.

“No, no” he waves his hand, “I thought I’d be done by now too, but it’s a lot more than I expected.”

You frown at the thought of your boyfriend overworking himself. You want to ask him about it, but you know he’ll say what he always does when you ask about his missions: It’s classified.

“You’re not stressing yourself out too much, are you Steve?” you ask, concern evident in your voice. Even through the hazy quality of the webcam, you can see the tired look in his eyes.

“Never,” he says with a smirk.

“Somehow, I don’t believe you,” you say with a teasing tone.

“You’ve got nothing to worry about honey,” he reassures you. “Besides, I wanna know what you’ve been up to.”

You scoff, “well, it’s definitely not nearly exciting as your week must’ve been.”

“I still wanna know,” he says with that boyish grin you love.

Steve always knew how to make those butterflies appear. You end up telling him about the incident you witnessed at the store which makes him laugh as he imagines the odd sight. He tells you about a prank Tony pulled on him and Sam and you beg him to send you the recording of it. He refuses, but you know you’ll get your hands on the footage eventually. Things felt normal again, just talking to him.

“So I was mixing the dough and halfway through I realized I completely forgot about the eggs,” you were in the middle of telling him about the new recipe you ended up ruining earlier this week.

Steve hums in response. You notice him looking to the side, not looking at the screen and you hear the sound of typing.

“and then a blue monster broke into my apartment,” you make up in an attempt to get his attention.

“Mhmm”

“and he stole all the cookies,” you continue.

“Hmm”

“Steve,”

Silence.

“Steve,” you say with a little more force.

“Huh?” he finally looks up at the screen.

“You’re not listening to me,” disappointment laces your voice.

“I was,” he quickly defends but you don’t buy it.

“Uh huh,” you cross your arms and lean back against your headboard. “What was I talking about?”

Steve glances elsewhere, not meeting your eyes when he mumbles “something about a party?”

You resist the urge to roll your eyes. “yeah, like 10 minutes ago.”

“I’m sorry honey, I was listening, really… but these reports need to be done,” he says with an apologetic look on his face.

You couldn’t stay mad at him, but you did feel hurt that he would pretend to listen rather than just telling you something.

“Okay,” you sigh. “I’ll let you get back to work.”

He must notice the disappointment on your face because he apologizes once more.

“I’ll make it up to you honey,” he promises.

“Are you coming this weekend?” you ask hopefully. He couldn’t come last weekend and you were missing him terribly.

“Of course,” he gives you a tired smile that you return.

“Okay, finish those reports and get some sleep,” you instruct, emphasizing the last part.

“Yes ma’am,” he raises his hand, mock saluting you which makes you giggle.

“Goodnight Stevie, I love you,”

“Love you too sweetheart”

The call ends and you go to bed with a smile on your face.

The rest of the week goes by quickly. You’re excited to get to the weekend because that means you can finally see your boyfriend, in person! Not just behind some screen. It’s been almost three weeks since the last time he came over and you miss his touch.

It was Friday afternoon and you were sitting at a small table in the cafe you frequent, taking a lunch break. Halfway through your break, you got a call from Steve. You were a little surprised to see his picture pop up on your phone since you’re usually the one to call him. Nevertheless, you smiled and answered “Hi babe.”

“Hey honey,” he greets.

“I’m glad you called, I was thinking of picking up a few things from the store after work today. Do you need anything?”

“Uh… about that,” he says in a low voice. Your heart immediately sinks, already knowing what he’s going to say next.

“You’re not coming.” A statement, not a question.

“I’m sorry honey. A mission came up and we leave tonight,” he explains and you almost want to laugh. Of course he’s leaving again.

“How long?” you ask. Maybe it’s just for a day and he can still come on Saturday or even Sunday.

“Two days… maybe three,”

You take a moment to process his words. Part of you saw this coming. It seemed too good to be true that you’d finally have him all to yourself. You glance up, trying to fight the sudden feeling of tears in your eyes. You didn’t want to cry in the middle of a busy café.

“There’s… there isn’t a chance you can skip this one?” you hesitantly ask. Normally, you’d just accept it, but your patience was running thin. This is the second time in a row he’s cancelled on you.

“You know I can’t. This is important,” he says it so sternly, like he doesn’t realize he’s breaking your heart. The missions are always important. More important than you.

“Yeah, but you’ve been working nonstop. I mean, don’t you want a break? Aren’t there others who can go instead?” you argue, voice raising.

“Y/N, I’m going. I have to,” he insists, leaving no room for an argument. You knew how stubborn Steve could be, so you knew he wasn’t going to change his mind on this. Rationally, you knew he probably had no choice in the matter but you took a chance anyways.

“Okay,” you relent.

You can hear Steve sigh before saying, “I’ll make it up to you.”

He’s been saying that a lot lately, but you know they’re empty promises.

“Okay.”

“I love you,” he says much softer than his previous tone.

“Love you too,” you say back, but your heart hurts.

Before you met Steve, sleeping alone wasn’t so bad. Some nights you would be on your phone, scrolling through social media till you eventually got sleepy. Other times, you’d lie in bed staring at the ceiling thinking about your day and mentally planning the next. Too often you found yourself overthinking about something you did, something you wish you could change. Or you would be anxious about something coming up, running through different scenarios of how it’d go. For some reason, your mind wouldn’t let you succumb to the sleep that your body desperately needed. But you were used to it.

Then Steve came along and he’d be there to ease your mind. On the nights he would stay over, sleep came much easier. There would still be nights where your mind kept you awake, but Steve would be lying right next to you. You’d be on his chest, his hand soothingly rubbing your back as you told him about that meeting you were nervous about or how you got in trouble by your boss for a simple mistake. Steve would assure that everything would be okay and you found it easy to believe him.

He always knew when you needed a distraction from your worries, bringing up mundane things like last night’s baseball game or telling you about the modern music he actually started to like. Sometimes, he’d tell you a story from his life in the 40s. Stories like how his friend Bucky would drag him all over town, trying to find a date for the evening. Or about that time he had to star in an action movie when he just started out as Captain America (which you made a mental note to find later on Youtube). You loved hearing about Steve’s old life, curious about what made him into the man you love today.

Sometimes he’d just entertain your wild thoughts, especially when you’re half asleep. Conversations like how different life would be if dinosaurs never went extinct or if flat earth conspiracists were right. You’d be lying with your back to his chest, his arms wrapped around your waist while you mumbled any thoughts that came to mind. He’d listen till he heard your soft snores and he’d give you a gentle kiss on your head before he’d fall asleep too.

Then there would be nights where words would rarely be spoken. A night of soft moans as he took care of your body in ways only he knew how. He’d whisper praises, drawing out moans from you as he hit all the right spots. It was always different and exciting. You never knew what to expect, but he would always be so loving. You’d always stay close, basking in the afterglow.

After having the comfort of Steve in the night, the times he’s not there feel a lot lonelier than before.

Like now, you’ve got your eyes closed but you’re not sleeping. Your thoughts seem louder than ever and they’re all about Steve. It probably doesn’t help that you decided to wear one of his tee shirts to bed, the faint smell of him making you miss him even more. After he cancelled on you (again) this past weekend, you started to wonder if he even wanted to see you at all.

You want to be mad at him, but how can you be? He’s Captain America! He has a responsibility that he can’t ignore, not even for his girlfriend. Lately, you can’t help but be worried at how many missions he’s been going on. To make matters worse, you’re left in the dark about all of it. He says it’s safer if you don’t know. You just have to trust him and trust that he needs to go.

But what if he doesn’t actually need to? What if he wants to go so he doesn’t have to see you. Okay, that’s extreme, but it’s a possibility? It seems like he doesn’t even want to talk to you at all sometimes. You’re always the one texting and calling. It’s never really him unless it’s to let you down (again). Maybe you’re just being needy. Were you asking for too much? Are you overreacting? Probably. But it’s normal to be upset about not seeing your boyfriend for weeks, right?

You shake your head, trying to get rid of these thoughts. You pick up your phone from the nightstand. The clock reads 3:12am. You unlock your phone and open your messages to see the last few texts Steve sent.

Steve ♡: I’m sorry.

You: just be safe

—

Steve ♡: I’m back.

You: okay

Your thumb hovers over the call button for a good bit, contemplating if you want to bother him so late at night. Before you can overthink it, you hit the button. You turn to lay on your side with the phone against your ear, anxiously waiting for the ringing to stop.

“Hello,” Steve answers, voice deep and filled with sleep. You feel guilty for waking him up, but at the same time feel relief at the sound of his voice.

“Hi,” you say shyly. Honestly, you weren’t expecting him to actually pick up. You were prepared to just leave a voicemail.

“Is something wrong?” he mumbles.

“No, no. There’s nothing wrong… I just…” you can feel the heat rising in your face, suddenly embarrassed for some reason. “I just miss you,” you say quietly, not even sure if he’s heard you.

You can hear the shuffling of sheets.

“I miss you too sweetheart,” he says and it warms your heart for a moment, “and as much as I wanna talk right now, I have to be up in a couple hours for a mission.”

“Oh,” the small smile you had on your face quickly disappears. You had no idea he was leaving again even though he just got back the day before.

“I’ll call you tomorrow, okay hon?” he says tiredly.

You feel a lump in your throat forming but you push past it, “yeah… yeah, of course.”

“Love you,”

“Love you too,” you practically whisper.

The phone call ends and the tears start to slide down your face. You didn’t have the energy to fight them anymore.

The last call you had with Steve a few days ago left you torn between logic and your emotions. You knew he was just tired, but you couldn’t shake the feeling that something had changed between you two. In the past, he never seemed to mind talking to you, even in the odd hours of the morning. You always believed that you guys were so in sync. It seemed like he knew when you needed comfort and would be there to provide it.

You would be able to tell when something was off with Steve and though you would always offer to talk about it, he would brush it off. Thinking back to it, maybe he never really opened up to you for a reason.

You began to question if you are more invested in this relationship than he is. It feels wrong to even think so, considering how sweet and caring he is, especially with you. But everyone has their limits, right? Maybe he’s just gotten tired of you. It’s clear that work is his number one priority right now, maybe he doesn’t have time for a girlfriend anymore. He always makes promises of making it up to you another time, but maybe there will never be another time.

The thought of him leaving completely sends a pang of hurt to your heart.

You: can we talk?

You had sent Steve that text what felt like forever ago, but in reality has only been 20 minutes. You had spent that time repeating in your head what you were going to tell him while you paced back and forth around your living room. You were going to ask for a break. You didn’t want to break up with him completely, no, but you thought that this would be better in the long run. You’re hoping a break will give him the space he needs and then you guys can go back to the way you were. You figured it was better to let him focus on being a hero. You didn’t want to become the clingy girlfriend that he’d eventually resent.

You had no idea how he would react. Maybe he would agree. It’ll be tough, but every couple goes through something like this, right? Sure, it’s a special circumstance with you dating an Avenger, but other people have busy partners. You wonder how they manage a relationship when they don’t see each other so often. Maybe you were giving up too easily? But you’re tired of feeling pushed aside, like you aren’t his priority when he’s at the top of your list. You’re tired of feeling guilty for being upset when he can’t come see you. You’re just tired of feeling like you’re losing him.

Just as you start to doubt your whole plan, your ringtone breaks the silence. You pick up your phone with a shaky hand and tap on the answer button.

“Hello,” you say, hoping he doesn’t notice the nervous tone of your voice.

“Hey honey, you wanted to talk?”

“Uh, yeah…” you reply, already struggling to keep your voice even.

“Is everything alright?” he’s concerned and you can imagine the look on his face.

“Yeah…yeah,” you lie, “I uh… I just wanted to talk… about us.”

“Listen honey, I’m sorry about last week but it was really-“ he begins to apologize, but you shake your head, not wanting to hear another excuse.

“It’s more than that Steve,” you interrupt.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean…” you hesitate, trying to gather your thoughts. “Do you realize it’s almost been a month since we’ve last seen each other?”

There’s a pause before he answers, “…I didn’t know it had been so long.”

“Do you even care?” you ask, voice giving in to the mix of anger and sadness you feel. The tears begin to well up in your eyes.

“Of course I care, you know I do” he defends.

“Do I though?” you question. The rehearsed words you mentally prepared are long gone. “…I’ve been sitting here thinking of what I’m doing wrong because I feel like something’s changed between us.”

“What are you talking about?” he sounds genuinely confused, “Nothing’s changed.”

“Steve… we don’t talk like we used to, I barely get to see you. I miss you all the time.”

“I know I’ve been working a lot lately,“ he acknowledges.

“And I don’t blame you for that,” you clarify.

“I know how important your job is, but… but I’m feeling a little left out here,” your voice cracks at the end. You wipe the few tears that started to fall down your face. “I mean, I feel like I barely know that part of your life. You’re gone most of the time and you never talk to me about it.”

“I can’t, for your safety. We’ve discussed that.”

“Yeah and I thought I could handle it, but you’re giving me nothing here,” you argue. “I wanna be there for you Steve, but it’s hard when you don’t tell me what’s going on.”

“I... I can’t. I want to but it’s better if you don’t know,” he says pleadingly. You want to believe him, but you just can’t seem to let this go.

The silence lingers over the phone.

“Maybe we should take a break,” you eventually say with defeat.

“A break?”

“Maybe we just need some time to sort things out. You can focus on your work and when things get better… we can try again.”

“No, no…” he starts to argue, “that’s not fair.”

“Steve, please…” you beg, “just try to see where I’m coming from. I still love you, I always will. I just think we need this.”

He doesn’t say a word, making you anxious.

“Steve-”

You’re cut off by the phone hanging up. You sit in disbelief, letting the weight of the conversation fall on you.

You spent the rest of the night just curled up on the couch. You keep questioning your decision. In your mind, this was the right thing to do, despite the heartbreak you knew you’d be feeling. But you didn’t think it would hurt as much as it does now.

Steve’s reaction made you rethink the idea of a break. You worry that he thinks you don’t love him anymore when it’s the complete opposite. You did this because you love him. You didn’t want to lose him completely, but it looks like you lost him anyways. Maybe, deep down, a part of you was trying to save yourself from the inevitable heartbreak.

The living room was dark, the only light coming from the street lights outside. The tears have stopped flowing, but the headache lingers. It’s almost 2 in the morning and despite being worn out from crying, you have trouble sleeping. You’re about to get up for a glass of water when you hear a knock on your door.

Your first reaction is to panic, because you weren’t expecting anyone at such a late hour. You mentally run through the self defense moves Steve insisted on teaching you. Slowly, you approach the door, trying to not make any noise.

Knock knock knock.

“It’s me.”

It’s softly spoken, but you hear him loud and clear. You quickly open the door to reveal Steve with a look of sorrow on his face. You can’t help but stare at him in shock, taking in his disheveled appearance.

“I don’t want a break,” he says hoarsely, breaking you out of your trace.

You all but pounce toward him and wrap your arms around his neck. He immediately wraps his arms tightly around your waist. You bury your face in his neck, inhaling the familiar scent that reminds you of home. Despite everything that happened over the phone, you feel a flood of relief from finally being in his arms.

You stood in his embrace, relishing the feeling of him being there for a good minute before you pulled away. You meet his eyes, noticing the tears surrounding them and it hurts your heart.

“We should talk,” you say, voice rough from the crying just hours ago.

You’re sitting side by side on your couch. You look at him and can’t believe that he drove all the way to your place in the middle of the night. You can see the worry on his face and you want nothing more than to comfort him, but you hold back because you want an explanation first.

“So..” you start off, “you don’t want a break?”

“Y/N, I know I’ve messed up, but please don’t give up on us,” he says with pleading eyes.

“I don’t want to. I thought that’s what you would’ve wanted. I thought…” you shy away from his stare, “maybe you didn’t want me anymore.”

Steve looks at you with guilt, realizing for the first time how much he’s hurt you, “I’m sorry… I know I’ve been saying that a lot lately but I never wanted you to feel like I didn’t want to be with you.”

“Then what's been going on?” you ask, looking back at him, determined to know why it took you asking for a break to get him here.

Steve looks down at his hands, visibly nervous. Why? You have no idea.

“Talk to me Steve,” you encourage him. “Please.”

He turns to look at you, taking a breath before saying “I’ve been looking for Bucky.”

You’re immediately confused. Out of all the things you thought of him saying, this was never one of them.

“Bucky? Bucky Barnes?” you question. You knew of his friend from the stories he would tell you. Bucky was practically a brother to Steve.

“Yes,” he says easily, but it just makes you more confused. The thought of Steve going crazy briefly crosses your mind.

“He’s the Winter Soldier,” he explains. You recognize that name from the news. He was a part of the incident that happened in DC.

“What? H-How would that even be possible?” you question, not really being able to wrap your head around it. From what you knew, Bucky died in war back in the 40s.

“HYDRA was using him. They found him after he fell from the train and they brainwashed him for decades until I was able to snap him out of it when we fought in DC,” Steve continues, “After he saved my life, he disappeared.”

The pain in his voice is evident as he talks about his friend. You scoot closer to him and you take his hand into yours, offering him comfort.

“Sam and I have been following any lead we could to find him,” he explains, “I’ve been doing that along with all the other missions I get sent on. That’s why I’ve been gone so much.”

It finally makes sense to you.

“Oh Steve,” you say, “I wish you would’ve told me this sooner.”

“I know honey, I should have…” he squeezes your hand, which you reciprocate.

“HYDRA is evil. I’ve seen how cruel they can be,” he continues. “The thought of them coming anywhere near you kills me,” his voice filled with emotion and his eyes gloss over with tears. “Sometimes it��s hard for me to get out of that headspace…”

He looks away from you, head down, “you shouldn’t have to deal with that.”

You reach over with your free hand to touch his face. “Steve,” you turn his head to look at you. His blue eyes shine even in the dim lighting. “Please don’t shut me out. I want to know these things. You don’t have to tell me everything, but I just want to be there for you. You shouldn’t have to go through this alone.”

Your eyes beg him to understand you. “And I get it now. Bucky is your friend and I know you’ll find him again someday. Just don’t put all that stress on yourself,” your thumb wipes away a stray tear falling down his face. “I want to help you in any way I can. You can always come back to me.”

He subtly nods and looks at you, faces only a breath apart. “I don’t deserve you,” he says quietly, like he’s in disbelief.

He closes the distance, lips finally meeting yours. Your eyes flutter shut, as you continue to cradle his face in your palms. You focus on conveying all your love for him into the kiss. You pull away briefly to move on to his lap as he leans back into the couch. His hands naturally fall on your hips as you get impossibly close.

You break the kiss again, “Promise not to leave me again,” you plead, but your tone is much lighter this time. You never wanted to leave his arms again.

He looks up at you, eyebrows furrowing a bit, “I can’t promise that,” you give him a sad smile, already knowing that. His hand leaves your hip to push a stray hair behind your ear, “but I can promise that I will talk to you more and show you how much you mean to me more often. ”

You genuinely smile at that.

“This is important to me,” he says, pulling you closer, emphasizing his words, “you’re important to me.”

“I love you”

“I love you too,”

You lean back in to kiss him again, smiling in between because you’re happy to have your Steve back. And you know things will get better from here. There’s still going to be some tough nights when you miss him and he can’t be there, but you know he’ll be missing you just as much. You won’t have to doubt his love for you again.

You pull away once more, “Remember how you said, you’d make it up to me?” you question with a mischievous look in your eye.

“Yeah,” he says looking at you expectantly.

You simply raise your eyebrows and smirk at him. He catches on and mouths an “oh”.

You’re lifted from the couch so you latch onto Steve’s shoulders, giggling loudly at the sudden movement. He carries you into your bedroom, where he definitely made up for lost time.

You slept much easier that night.

hope you enjoyed reading! 🤍 reblogs and feedback are much appreciated!! let me know if you liked it :)

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