#edit: how in god’s name did this get 100 notes

[bartholomew-junior]

wooooo revived!clover! i have so many thoughts abt this au and they cannot all fit here so take some doodles

@brewingcoffi

[saltedcavessys]

sighhh gonna do one of these :3

5 notes - I’ll work on my main writing project

10 notes - I’ll organize my clothes

25 notes - I’ll start consistently taking care of myself :3

50 notes - I’ll work on an animation I scrapped a while ago

75 notes - I’ll finish setting up every PK and Octo profile

100 notes - I’ll finish one of my many writing projects

250 notes - I’ll clean my room entirely

1000 notes - I talk to the school counselor about possibly getting my deadname changed to my preferred name in the school system!!

no note limit per person or per blog, go wild!

-🌾

red - not reached

orange - reached, in progress

green - reached, finished

-🚪

edit post 1000: OH MY GOD HOW DID YOU??? GUH??? School’s cancelled right now because of the hurricane, but once we get back I’ll get on that!

-🚪

[hornydilfsinyourarea]

"𝙏𝙄𝙉𝙔 𝙋𝙍𝙀𝙏𝙏𝙔 𝙇𝙄𝙀𝙎, 𝙄'𝙇𝙇 𝘽𝙀 𝙔𝙊𝙐𝙍𝙎 𝘼𝙉𝘿 𝙔𝙊𝙐'𝙇𝙇 𝘽𝙀 𝙈𝙄𝙉𝙀"

Pairing: Yan! Joe Goldberg x Male Reader x Yan! Dexter Morgan (separate)

Uhh, this is my first time doing this, this is mostly an apology post, for being so lazy and holding the requests down and not posting as much as I should and yeah... truly sorry about that, but you can also see this as a teaser, topics I might just use for bots and stuff

Warning: Stalking (You are a stalker, you could also see it as you being a Yandere also), Yandere! Joe and Dexter, both are separate and in different universes (if that makes sense), NSFW topics!, You being a pervert, you are a bit creepy (you're a stalker, what did you exspect?), breaking and entering, spy cameras, Dexter and Joe get off to the fact that you are stalking THEM, these are headcannons, and not a fic, these are also bad and a bit short, I might make a part 2 if this gets to 200 likes, maybe, or 100 likes, if you guys like this, I might just make more, but don't expect this the be a regular thing, this isn't my groove, my groove is bot making, not fanfic writing

"𝘿𝙊 𝙔𝙊𝙐 𝙇𝙊𝙑𝙀 𝙈𝙀 𝙏𝙊𝙊?"

Dexter met you at a grocery store, he was trying to reach for something before seeing someone else's hand reach for it and take it, as he turned to look who did it, he saw you, and how you... so nicely gave him the item he was reaching for, the way your eyes subtly run up and down his body, as you said your good byes, Dexter's eyes didn't leave your form as you walked away, he knew he was hooked

Joe met you in the bookstore he worked at, you asked him for recommended books and where you can find a specific book, it was a good choice of book, you two talked about your favorite books too! The way you gave him your card after finding your book, you didn't have too, but you did... it was as if you wanted him to know you... to know your name... your face... everything, as you left, Joe could stop thinking about you... your voice, he knew he was hooked

"𝙄𝙏 𝙒𝘼𝙎 𝘼 𝙎𝙏𝘼𝙍𝙍𝙔 𝙉𝙄𝙂𝙃𝙏, 𝙔𝙊𝙐 𝙇𝙊𝙊𝙆 𝙎𝙊 𝙃𝙊𝙍𝙍𝙄𝙁𝙄𝙀𝘿"

When Dexter came back to his apartment, he didn't expect to see flowers on his kitchen counter and a... lunch box full of cooked food, it was food... that used the same ingredient you helped him reach, Dexter got home late... did you really go out of your way to break into his place and make him some food? How romantic! There was even a little note "Enjoy" — it read, Dexter couldn't help himself, smiling down at the gift you made for him, I mean... it must have been you? It must have!

When Joe got back to his flat, he didn't expect to see two roses on top of a book in his living room, as he got closer and picked the book up, he realized that it was a limited edition book, one who sold out years ago... it was his favorite book, one he loved to read, there was even a little note "Enjoy" — it read, Joe couldn't stop himself from smiling, what a romantic, you must have gotten it for him, I mean, you were the only one he told he even liked this book! So it must have been you! It must have been!

"𝙇𝙊𝙊𝙆𝙄𝙉𝙂 𝙏𝙃𝙍𝙊𝙐𝙂𝙃 𝙏𝙃𝙀 𝙋𝙀𝙀𝙋𝙃𝙊𝙇𝙀, 𝙒𝙀𝙇𝘾𝙊𝙈𝙀 𝙏𝙊 𝙏𝙃𝙀 𝙁𝙍𝙀𝘼𝙆 𝙎𝙃𝙊𝙒"

After stalking your love for a month now, you couldn't wait much longer, you wanted to see him, see him whole, so... well, you bought small cameras, and broke into their place while they weren't there, putting the cameras where they wouldn't notice, or so you hoped, you hid them good, he wouldn't be able to find it... would he?

Oh, but Dexter knew, he saw something shine in the corner of his eye, he knew what it was, now aren't you such a pervert?~ putting a camera in his bedroom, so bold... god did that turn him on, he couldn't help but tease you, purposely standing in the camera's point of view, slowly, but surely, taking off his shirt, unbuttoning each button slowly, Dexter was making sure he didn't look at the camera, he didn't want you to know he knew, Dexter liked the chase, the feeling of being wanted, he wanted to see how long it will take you before you break and take what you wanted, when Dexter got his shirt off, he turned around, now his back side turned to the camera, he then, also slowly, took his pants off, he knew he was giving you the perfect view of his ass, he bet you were even stroking your cock watching him undress, weren't you? Just the thought made him almost hard...

Now, Joe, he also saw a camera in the corner of his eye, "Such boldness..." Joe thought, biting his bottom lip, he did what he normally did for a few days, before he put his plan in action, Joe knew there was a spy camera in his room, you probably put it there to watch him sleep, hm? Such a caring stalker you are~ Joe made his way to his bed, laying on it, his hand going downwards, rubbing his crotch, till he could feel himself getting hard, whimpering as he teased himself before pulling his pants down, just to his knees, before he wrapped his hand around his cock, stroking it slowly, his lips parted, letting out deep breathes as he thought about you, were you stroking your cock watching? Oh how he hoped so, he was doing this for you, hoping you're watching him, as Joe got harder and harder he help himself and started to stroke himself off faster and faster, his moans and whimpers getting louder, wanting to make himself look as submissive as possible, he really was putting on a show for you... it wasn't long before Joe climaxed, his cum landing on his hand, he made sure all of it landed on his hand before he slowly liked it off, he really... really hoped you liked the show~

"𝙎𝙃𝙐𝙏 𝙏𝙃𝙀 𝙁𝙐𝘾𝙆 𝙐𝙋 𝘼𝙉𝘿 𝙂𝙄𝙑𝙀 𝙈𝙀 𝙏𝙊𝙋, 𝙈𝙔 𝙎𝙃𝙄𝙏 𝙃𝘼𝙍𝘿 𝘼𝙎 𝘼 𝙍𝙊𝘾𝙆"

I do not consent to my content being stolen, copied or reposted on other platforms, if you want to use these or inspired by this, CREDIT me and ASK me, please and thank you

[zombvic]

TINDER IRL PART one (harry lewis x reader)

summary : in which y/n gets invited to the sidemen tinder irl (usa edition) and meets a certain brit and their instant friendship slowly progresses into something bigger

face claim : no one right now (kendall jenner later)

notes : reader is like a 2019 ICON like disstracks against the paul brothers, ricegum etc.. now STILL doing youtube but on a much more lowkey basis. also im sorry but i had to add that the reader is an f1 fan IM SORRY (im locked in as an f1 girlie) 😵 yall im not american or even close to a native english speaker (#slavicstruggles) but i tried making the readeramerican cause i tried to do the american la gf x british bloke bf xx god bless 'merica RAAAAAH. also i used lines from like all the videos and made my own cause the lines from this video were insane.. last also, don't be a ghost reader 🧟‍♂️🧟‍♂️

pairings : harry lewis x reader , sidemen x platonic!reader , all the other youtuber in the videos x platonic!reader

warnings : drugs (ketamine joke)

You got invited to the SIDEMEN Tinder In Real Life youtube video. You are acutely aware to what the Sidemen are and you've seen their videos before. Now to be fair, the genres between your channel and their channels were pretty different. The Sidemen were known for football challenges, those 100$ vs 100,000$ challenges and other things with a similar vibe. You on the other hand, you did vlogs, lifestyle hack and tips, in your time you've achieved some disstracks and occasionally broke down some formula 1 grand prix weekend.

The moment you saw the instagram dm from the Sidemen official account you weren't sure how to react. Should you be excited? scared? worried? yeah.. all. It was the Sidemen, Logan Paul, Mike and George (idk who Mike and George but who cares).

Eventually you accepted the offer and waited till the day you had to be "picked up" by kinda random men for 5 minutes straight. The day came, you got dressed for the video shoot, they made you wait with the other girls until they called your name and then you walked in.

"Hi, I'm (your name). I'm 24 and i'm from Newark, New Jersey" (go devs go) You've practiced that line like 50 times before you left, not because you wanted to come out of this video with a new man but because you didn't want to embarrass yourself lmao.

"Hi, I'm Vikk. I'm 26 and are you from Tennessee, because you're the only ten i see"

"Would've been funny if i hadn't just said im from New Jersey dude, no sorry"

"Hello, I'm Logan-"

"No. Complicated history" you said as you swiped left.

"One chance please"

"Alright, BUT u gotta watch it tho"

"Okay. SO. If i were a pizza delivery guy, i'd be giving YOU the tip"

"Ew no sorry lmfao.. that was weak as fuck"

"Alright wow, Hello, I'm Tobi. I'm 31 and they say that kissing is a language of love, so would you mind starting a conversation with me?"

"Sure go on.. yes. I love that"

Hello, My name is Ethan and let only latex stand between our love.

"Yeah thats funny.. alright, go on"

"Yo, I'm KSI. I'm 30 and you know how they say skin is the largest organ on the human body? Well.. Not in my case."

"Lmao, yes go on"

“Hello, I'm Mike. I'm 37 and girl, you don't need no vibrator when you got this Pickled Dick.”

"Jesus Christ. No, get out"

"Hi, My name is Simon and.. Simon says you want to swipe right"

"Lmao. I love that, Yes"

"Sup, I'm George and I’m peanut butter. You’re jelly. Let’s have sex"

"Jeeesus, that’s crazy bro... no"

"Hello, My name is Josh and I find your lack of nudity disturbing"

"No, I'm so sorry" (guys i love freya sm i couldnt do this)

"Uhm, Hello. I'm Harry. I'm 26 years old and what do ketamine and your underpants have in common?"

"I don't know" you said looking at the blonde-ish man confused.

"I'd like to sniff them both."

The whole room fell into a laughter, you included. "Yes"

"BUT I GET A NO?" Logan exclaims. "What a scam"

WHY DID YOU SAY NO?

(NO : Logan, Josh, Mike, Vikk and George)

"For Logan i think we left this in 2019 and rightfully so. For Josh i dont really know tbh, i just thought his line couldve been better. Mike, i think you know why i said no. Vikk.. Im gonna be honest i dont even remember what youve said but im sure i had my reasons and George, you couldve been waaaaaay smoother mate.. tough luck"

YALL. this is part one because i cant be arsed and put it all right here right now 😁😁😁

[melancholy-of-nadia]

love u lately (m) #9 | myg/knj/pjm

title: love u lately​ chapter title: #9 - pour up pairing: yoongi x f. reader, namjoon x f. reader, jimin x f. reader (yoonminjoon x f. reader) rating/genre: m (18+) ; smut ; college/university au , pseudo frat! bts; best friends! yoonminjoon friends to lovers; summary: welcome to your "fuck it" era. you ran away and haven't returned back to the house since the fight with yoongi and jimin. you're not sure how namjoon hasn't caught on to anything yet... but now taehyung, hoseok, and jungkook just invited you to go out to party at some random frat not at your campus and get you to destress from the drama. oh you're going to destress alright. pour up a drink and well, you might... regret... this decision... warnings:  ANOTHER LONG CHAPTER, flashback pov, angsty, stressful, alcohol consumption, dance battle, FIGHTING, multiple fights?, blood mention, crying, THE TRUTH, AND MORE CONFESSIONS, txt appearance, sakura appearance, soyoon and john eun and san appearance, jin lowkey snitching, ANGRY NAMJOON, soft namjoon, throwing up, kissing, SMUT, creampie, fingering, no other smut warnings it's a surprise but its very tame no worries, reader is on BC, good end?, EXTRA POV at the end, a lot happens i can't remember hehehe maybe i am drunk too note: again pls send love to @daegudrama who is in charge of editing these terrible chapter total word count: 14.3k drop date:  April 12th, 2024, 6:00PM PST cross posted on AO3 here ← #8 | Series Masterlist | #10

March 1st [Friday]

It’s been 2 weeks.

2 weeks since the fight.

2 weeks since you have last been “home”.

That’s not to say you haven’t taken a shower or changed out of your clothes since then. God, no.

You’ve been staying in Hwasa’s dorm ever since. Her roommate went on an immersion program abroad, so she has no roommate for this semester. Luckily, you’ve had access to her dorm’s shared bathroom to freshen up and her roommates' baron bed.

As for clothes and other stuff, Jungkook has been bringing you everything you need. He’s the only one you can rely on from the house as you’ve always been the most comfortable around him outside of Namjoon, Jimin, and Yoongi. He’s also the one who knew about the deal and didn’t tell anyone, aside from blabbering to Jimin back in October. 

You’re not 100% sure what the aftermath was like in that house after you left. But one thing for sure is that the other guys—not involved in the deal—have covered up things to Joon about your disappearance. They know how rocky things are, and if Namjoon knew all of this, you think it could make things a million times worse. You appreciate them stepping in like that though, no matter what they think of the situation.

Jungkook did attempt to recap it all through text, rather thoroughly.

+++++++++++

 — past —

February 15th [Friday]

“You guys done fucked things up now. A three-way relationship? Are you fucking kidding me?” Jin was seething as he scolded Jimin and Yoongi in the living room. The other guys were sitting at the dining table as Jin told them that they had to stay for this ordeal. They sat there in silence, waiting for this to (hopefully) end as soon as possible.

If the argument from earlier didn’t sober everyone up, then Jin’s yelling definitely did.

“And you! Taehyung! What were you thinking asking that?!” Jin pointed his finger at Taehyung.

“Huh? Me!? Jimin was the one who told me to ask something risky if Yoongi pulled that block.” Tae tried to avert his gaze from the older man. 

Everyone groaned. Jenga blocks still remained scattered on the table and on the floor of the living room. Unfinished snacks and drinks remained a mess around the table as well. Jin made a mental note to make Yoongi and Jimin clean up the aftermath of Friday Night Game Night as punishment for what happened.

“But you know what, I expected something like this at some point. Hoseok and Taehyung, please pay up. I take Venmo.” The two men—that Jin name dropped—groaned, pulling out their phones to send him the money. “Hyung, what the hell, man?!” Jimin glanced at them back and forth, appalled. Even Yoongi was confused that there was something like this going on, but he really shouldn’t be the one judging right now. “What? Did you think we didn’t suspect anything? That y’all were slick? There were signs...” Jin’s words drifted off.

“Like?” Yoongi narrowed his eyes at the older man. “Well should I mention the blowjob that Honey gave you in Mr. Kang’s office?” Hoseok interjected as he turned around from his chair. Yoongi’s eyes widened, “What the fuck? H-How did you—” He stumbled on his words. Hoseok didn’t come in until after it ended, he thought. How would he have known!?

“The door may have been closed, but people approaching the door can still hear what goes on behind it. Especially in that old ass building…” Hoseok sighed, “Thought it was just you jacking off in there at first, but when I heard you say, and I quote,  ‘Fuck. You really drive me crazy. You know that, Sunshine?’ I connected the dots quickly. I sat out there waiting until it ended so I could come in to drop my shit.” He emphasized, leaving Yoongi completely speechless.

“Jimin sent me Y/N’s nudes accidently one night!” Taehyung stood up from his chair in an instant, abruptly confessing. “He unsent them, but I caught it! He had to fes’ up to me after that. I thought it was just the both of them in a situationship. Then when Jin said Yoongi hyung was also involved, I couldn’t believe that. But I started connecting the dots during the trip.”

Yoongi narrowed his eyes at Jimin, snarling a bit. Trying to avoid further questioning, Jimin mouths out to him that it happened while he was drunk when he stayed over at Taehyung’s during Christmas break. Though of course, Yoongi cannot read his lips.

“I didn’t lose the bet because I always knew there was a possibility it wasn’t just hyung and Honey after I caught them having sex. Especially based on the conversation Jimin and I had during his birthday party. So I was on Jin’s side.” Jungkook added, then he shrugged. 

“Interesting. Yoongi had told me about a dilemma he had with someone he was seeing. Jimin was also acting a little too clingy to Honey than usual, so I put the pieces together and realized what these two were doing. I thought I was wrong, but Jesus Christ…” Jin sat down in the loveseat, wondering if he had failed as president of Beta Tau Sigma. Should he have not let you move in to prevent this? Or should he have brought it up privately to you three and warned you all not to do it? Whatever scenario he thinks of doesn’t matter. What happened, happened. Now people are hurt and humiliated. He has to step it up to help you guys in any way, especially you. “Does Namjoon hyung know?” Taehyung inquired, earning everyones’ immediate deadpan stare at him. The silent action makes it seem that there is a shared understanding of something. No one wants Namjoon to know what happened. They know that if he finds out, they might have to be ready for their own funerals. “No.” Yoongi answered. “Fair enough. So what’s the plan now?” He followed up with another question. “We don’t even know where Honey went? Is she even somewhere safe?” Taehyung’s attitude towards this situation has been nonchalant, but in reality, he was actually very concerned for your mental wellbeing. He may be a social butterfly fuckboi, but whatever Jimin and Yoongi hid from you was a new low to him. You weren’t very close to him before, but he has grown fond of you in the past 2 years he’s known you. “We’re not telling Namjoon hyung that’s for sure!” Jungkook chimed in, scrolling at his recent messages. “I texted Hwasa because it’s the first person I thought she’d go to. She said that Honey was with her, asleep on her bed. Doesn’t seem like Honey wants to come back anytime soon.”

The guys let out a sigh of relief, though guilt shadowed Jimin and Yoongi. Feeling worn out, Jimin decided to get up from his spot, stumbled a bit and headed up to his room. Jin’s about to follow in pursuit to get him to come back and help clean up, but Yoongi stopped him. “Just let him be, I’ll help clean up if you need it,” The cat-eyed man said, reading into Jin’s intentions. “He’s already mentally punishing himself over this.”

After this, the other guys went into their rooms and called it a night. Yoongi remained in the dimly lit living room area, cleaning the mess that was left behind and reflecting on his frustrations. +++++++++++

You asked Jungkook about Namjoon. You knew that he would start to find things suspicious and eventually interrogate everyone about your whereabouts, like the older sibling figure he is. But Jungkook said that wasn’t the case. Jungkook [Feb 22nd 20XX; 9:24PM]: No, Hyung’s been holed up in his room working on his polisci papers or in the lib’s lab room helping his buddies with stuff.

Jungkook [Feb 22nd 20XX; 9:25PM]: He did ask about you though. Jungkook [Feb 22nd 20XX; 9:25PM]: But me and tae said that you’ve been busy working on a mid-semester project with her so you would be staying over at her dorm for a while. Jungkook [Feb 22nd 20XX; 9:27PM]: Yoongi hyung and Jimin have been closed off since then, but Namjoon hyung hasn’t noticed much.

You keep going through your past texts between Jungkook and rereading what was sent. There are more messages from him mentioning that Jimin and Yoongi have been more standoffish towards others, making you feel concerned for them. Wait. No. You shake your head. Why are you even worried? They were the ones who started it. Did they not realize that things were better off platonic, instead of messing with your heart?

You breathe out, locking your phone. You go back to lying down on your side on the bed, closing your eyes to stop yourself from spiraling. The door suddenly unlocks, and the creaking sound marks Hwasa's entrance into the dorm. Opening your eyes, you observe her movements as she places her backpack on the desk. “Hey Hon, did you go to your class at noon?” She asks, her eyes searching yours. You nod, answering, “Yeah, couldn’t skip it today. Professor Watanabe said we were having a quiz because no one asked questions last class. Came back here after class.”

“Ah, gotcha.” Hwasa comes over to settle on your bed, arranging a throw pillow against the wall for comfort. She shifts her position, making herself at home. "How are ya feeling?"

“Better than before, but still not that great.”

“Maybe you should go out tonight. I think Nu Kappa is having a party tonight? Oh wait, Sigma Lambda is for sure having a house party. Let me check in with Joshua for that one because–”

“No.” You cut her off, though the word coming out of your mouth sounded much harsher than you had wanted it to. “I just don’t want to be around people that I know or potentially know me. Or just run into them.” You refer to Yoongi and Jimin with that line, maybe even Namjoon too. 

You want to talk this whole thing over with them, but you’re not ready yet. You just can’t organize your thoughts yet, and you don’t know why. Maybe it’s the anxiety of knowing that a conversation about this would eventually lead to you guys to cut off contact completely. And that could be it. Maybe that’s for the better. 

You will move out of the Beta Tau Sigma house.

Maybe you can ask Student Housing if they’d be willing to let you officially move into Hwasa’s dorm for the rest of the semester.

Yeah, you can manage to make this work out. But is it what you really want?

No. Of course not. But at this point in time, you can’t imagine this going any other way. “My bad, girl. I just wanted to help cheer you up.” Hwasa’s expression becomes somber.

No, no. You didn’t mean it like that. Why can’t your brain work properly?! “No, it’s just— sorry.” You apologize, trying to think of something to brighten up the mood. “But if you want to go out, don’t let me stop you, bestie! Maybe you want to see a special someone out.” 

Hwasa lets out a giggle, “It’s okay, I know you’re going through a lot right now.” She places her hand on your back to give you reassuring rubs. “But I’ll take that suggestion. Joshua told me his friend is making his DJ debut at Sigma Lambda so I wanted to drop by and support.”

Concern crosses your face, “That sounds pretty awesome, but are you okay going alone? I can go with you if you want.” She shakes her head. “Nah, it’s cool. I don’t want to force you to be there when you’re not feeling too hot. I’ll hit up Annie and ask if she’s down to come with me.” “Okay, that sounds good.” You reply, appreciating her understanding and the attempt to bring some normalcy back into the evening.

+++++++++++

Hwasa was in luck because Annie did respond not long after she sent her a text. She invited Hwasa to get ready over at her dorm, which was the nice apartment-like dorm on the northernmost part of campus. Hwasa says that she might come back late, but more than likely, thinks she’ll be knocked out at Annie’s dorm. She’ll keep you posted. Before she leaves that night, she gives you her access card (since you’ve been entering her dorm before thanks to the shared bathroom she has with the 2 girls in the next dorm) and tells you to feel free to go out to get something for dinner. After that happens, you’re left alone now. The Hello Kitty clock on Hwasa’s table read, “8:46 PM” Maybe you should grab something to eat. You honestly haven’t been eating properly. But you are tired of the dining hall food after almost two weeks of eating it. You hated it even when you used to dorm last year. “Maybe I’ll order from DoorDash to treat myself after a tough week,” You say to yourself while you lay down on Hwasa’s big fluffy pink floor rug. Netflix movie night and take-out sounds ideal, right?

Just as you’re scrolling through your phone trying to find an option you’re craving, you hear a loud knock at the door. 

Oh shit.

It’s not Hwasa, right? She would’ve texted you that she was coming back because she forgot something. Then is it the RA? No. Hwasa said she was cool with him, so he wouldn’t snitch you out. Did something else happen?

You get up from your comfortable position to walk towards the door. You’re not gonna lie, you’re a little nervous to open it.

Who the fuck could it even be on a Friday night?

You open it slowly, seeing tall figures coming into view.

“Honey, come out!” “Taehyung!?” You yelp out. Once you recognize the voice, you rapidly open the door wide enough to find Taehyung, Jungkook and Hoseok on the other side. “What the hell are you guys doing here?” You ask. You don’t remember telling them to come over. Even if you did, there’s not much they can do in such a small dorm. This is the first time in two weeks you’re talking to any of the other guys besides Jungkook. “We came over because we want to invite you out,” Hoseok responds this time, signature heart smile showing. “We know you haven’t been feeling well so we want to go with you and let loose!”

You’re getting deja vu from the same conversation you had with Hwasa earlier.

“So go get changed out of your…pajamas.” Jungkook looks down at you as he speaks, somewhat checking you out. A thought in your mind just clicks that he was looking at your chest, wearing no bra and cleavage all out. Men… You’ve been wearing your lace tank top and My Melody pajama pants since you got back from class. You didn’t have any plans of going out after class, so why be dressed up in tight jeans, a shirt and whatever else for the whole day? 

“Look, guys. That sounds like a mighty plan you got there, but I really don’t think I should go.” “But why not? There’s nothing better than drinking and forgetting your regrets! Please come with us!” Taehyung steps in closer, trying to welcome himself inside.

“Because… I’m feeling a little sick…?” The guys look at you in complete disbelief before you admit the truth. “Okay, fine, I don’t want to party around here and see these people.”

“Who said we’re partying here?” Jungkook smirks, “No, we’re going… somewhere else.” “Where is this ‘somewhere else’ you speak of?” You narrow your eyes, mild interest sparking behind them.

“Stop asking so many questions and just get ready. I’ll even help you pick out something.” Hoseok takes this as an opportunity to enter the dorm, where you direct him to your closet of stuff. The two other guys follow in as well and stand there as Hoseok is sifting through the rack mixed with jeans, blouses, skirts and sweaters.  

“Here, this is cute.” He hands you your black heart ring detail halter top, flared jeans, and a black knit cardigan. “Oh, this isn’t that bad of a look? No wonder people say you’re the most stylish on the dance team.” 

Hoseok grins, his eyes lighting up with pride at the compliment. "Well, you know, I've got an eye for these things. Now, go change into this. The night may be young, but we’re not getting any younger here!"

You take the outfit from him, a small smile playing on your lips. "Thanks, Hobi. I appreciate it." You look back at the guys who are still standing in the dorm, chuckling. "Um alright, can you guys step outside the door while I change?"

“Oh whoops!” Jungkook yells out, The three guys scurry out of the dorm, giving you a moment of privacy to change. 

Hoseok calls after you behind the door, "Let me know if you need any makeup tips! I'm a pro at this too."

You chuckle, appreciating the effort to lighten the mood. In the bathroom, you quickly change into the outfit Hoseok picked out. It's a mix of your style but with a touch of Hoseok's fashion flair. The black heart ring detail halter top fits snugly, paired with flared jeans and a cozy black knit cardigan. You glance at yourself in the mirror, the reflection showing a slightly different version of you.

After a deep breath, you open the door, greeted by the approving nods and smiles of Hoseok, Taehyung, and Jungkook. Taehyung claps his hands together. "Looking good! Now, let's get out there and have some fun!"

With excitement now in the air, you grab your bag before you go and you all head out the building.

+++++++++++

Jungkook leads the way to his car, a sleek 2017 Mercedes-Benz C300 parked in the student parking lot next to Hwasa's dorm. The soft glow of the streetlights reflects off the polished surface, and you can't help but appreciate the comfortable luxury of his car. You will always remember that he begged his parents to sign off on it so he could get it as his graduation gift.

Jungkook unlocks the doors, and you all pile in, anticipation building for the night ahead.

The drive is filled with a mix of laughter and excited chatter as you navigate through the city. The atmosphere in the car is lively, the previous stress of weeks ago momentarily forgotten as you stare out of the car looking at the skyline of city lights on the freeway. It feels less suffocating over here. No Jimin. No Yoongi. No Namjoon. Just you and the other boys. You weren’t too keen on coming along with them, but now that you’re sitting here, DEAN’s Pour Up bass boosted on the car speakers, you know you made a good choice. You gotta let loose.

After 20 minutes on the road, Jungkook exits off the freeway into a residential area. As he finds a parking spot, you can hear the distant bass of music and the chatter of college students walking around. Is this another college’s Greek row?  The car engine turns off, and you all step outside looking around the neighborhood.

You're immediately struck by the grandeur of the fraternity houses. They are much bigger than the ones at your college campus, their size and architecture exuding an air of privilege. These houses are easily identifiable by the prominent display of large Greek letters or flags proudly adorning the front, signaling the presence of each fraternity.

Lights spill out from the windows, and the distant sounds of music and laughter grow louder as you approach the houses. The atmosphere is charged with anticipation, and you can't help but feel a mix of excitement and nervousness being here. Though, you’re glad that you won’t run into people you know here. And even if you do, the chance is likely really low. Who would come 20 minutes away to party at another college?

Once this question comes to your mind, you feel a little odd. Wait, are you forgetting something?

Before you can think about it more, Jungkook gently holds your wrist, leading the way through the lively crowds of students walking around, and you follow suit. 

The four of you approach the entrance of one of the bigger fraternity houses, the thumping bass becomes almost palpable. The flag outside says ΗΨΒ— Eta Psi Beta. You’re honestly not familiar with this one as it seems to be one that doesn’t have a chapter at your college. Without hesitation or restrictions, you guys walk into the side entrance leading to the backyard. After several steps of walking along the slightly lit path, you're engulfed in an atmosphere of sights and sounds. The massive backyard is packed with people, the air pulsating with the beats of a 2010s party mix blaring from the speakers. You see a pretty girl with a colorful knit top and black hair DJing the party from the far end of the backyard, along with several people behind her overseeing the vibes. Color-changing lights crisscross above, connected to tall oak trees, casting a warm glow over the lively scene below.

To your right, a makeshift bar is set up, complete with a variety of drinks and colorful cocktails. Students are chatting, dancing, and moving in synchronized rhythm with the music. The atmosphere is infectious, and you find yourself getting into the groove, the worries of the past weeks slowly fading away. 

Jungkook, Taehyung, and Hoseok lead you through the crowd, their excitement contagious. You can't help but marvel at the sheer scale of the party, a stark contrast to the more intimate gatherings you're used to. 

"Isn't this amazing?" Taehyung exclaims over the music, and you respond with an enthusiastic nod.

“How the hell did you guys find this party?” you shout back at him, catching yourself staring at the DJ Girl changing the setlist to some House and UK Garage music to hype up the crowd more.

“Jungkook says he knows a guy here!” Hoseok adds.

“Yeah! We go to the same gym off-campus and box a bit,” Jungkook explains closer to your ear so you could hear amid the lively ambiance. “Oh look! Speak of the devil!” His eyes widen when he sees the man he’s referring to step right up in front of you guys. “Woah! Jungkook! You came!” The man speaks with excitement in his eyes, facial features reflecting a youthfulness that adds to his charm. Like Jungkook, he possesses captivating doe eyes that convey both innocence and a hint of curiosity. He is seemingly younger than your group, however, his height is exactly the same as the trio with you. Jungkook chuckles, going in for a bro hug. “Didn’t think I was going to, but I dragged some friends with me.” Jungkook moves aside to introduce you three, “This is Hoseok, Taehyung, and Y/N.”

“Nice to meet you guys! I’m Taehyun Kang.” He extends a handshake to each of you, catching you off guard. Awkwardly, you take his hand in yours. His politeness radiates, and you can't help but find it adorable.

Taehyun leads the way, gesturing toward the makeshift bar. "Oh! Since you guys are here, let's get some drinks!" he suggests, guiding you through the lively crowd towards the vibrant bar area. “We have a special jungle juice just for tonight’s event. We call it Sugar Rush Ride!” He leans close to you guys, “We basically dumped a bunch of blue raspberry Jolly Ranchers in it mixed with other alcohols!” “Oh that seems pretty cool! Let me get some!” You say.  Taehyun smiles, pouring you some in a blue plastic cup and hands it to you. “You guys want to try some too?”

“I’m the DD for the drive back home, but these two can get some.” Hoseok reassures the younger men it's okay to get wasted. He’s always been a reliable upperclassman and brother to them.

You take the chance to sip the cup. Mm. It’s a little too sweet for your taste, but the strong burning sensation (of what you assume is rum and vodka), helps it lessen. Good. This is what you need right now so badly.

Fuck it.

For a moment, you're content to let go of your troubles and embrace the carefree spirit of the night.

+++++++++++

“Where’s Y/N? She’s not in her room.”

This question catches Jin off guard as he sips his wine, slightly choking on it before setting it down on the coffee table. He’s hanging out with Namjoon, John, San and Soyoon watching a Ghibli movie in the living room. Not that he was paying much attention, he was on his phone playing the new Maple Story update. Yoongi went to play basketball at the intramural gymnasium on campus, while Jimin went drinking with an upperclassmen, Taemin.

Of course Jin knew where you were this whole time since the fight, and even tonight when Hoseok said they were inviting you to the Eta Psi Beta party at the neighboring university. But is he about to tell Namjoon?

He’s not sure. Jin pauses the game on his phone, glancing at Namjoon. "Yeah, she mentioned she's spending the night at Hwasa's place. They've been hanging out a lot lately," he says, attempting a nonchalant tone to avoid revealing any hint of the tension between you and the others. His eyes flicker between the screen and Namjoon, unsure whether he should disclose more information.

Namjoon raises an eyebrow, a slight frown forming on his face. "Is she okay?"

Jin hesitates for a moment, debating how much to share. "I guess? She just said she needed a change of scenery, you know?"

"What do you mean?" Namjoon presses, sensing there might be more to the story.

Jin takes a deep breath, his gaze shifting away momentarily. "Look, there's been some tension lately. I think she just needed some space to clear her head."

Namjoon's expression tightens, concern deepening. "Tension? What happened?" John, San and Soyoon’s attention from the movie has been diverted to the conversation happening between Jin and Namjoon. Jin sighs, knowing he can’t divulge more information in front of them. So he gets up, grabbing Namjoon’s wrist, and dragging him into the hallway leading to their rooms. “God, I hate having to hide shit from you of all people.” Jin whispers aggressively, putting his hands on the taller man’s shoulders. “Fine, basically, Y/N ran away two weeks ago and is staying at Hwasa’s dorm.” “...What the fuck, Seokjin?!” Namjoon reins in his emotions, realizing that getting upset won't help him understand the situation better. Now, more than ever, he needs to find out what's going on with you. “Why didn’t anyone tell me—”

He interrupts the younger man, sighing in frustration. “It’s not my place to tell you what happened exactly and neither was it anyone else’s. I think you might have an idea, though, even if you weren’t there. If you want to know, go find her.”

Namjoon is left speechless, brows furrowing as he absorbs the information, a surge of worry overtaking him. 

Jin nods, understanding Namjoon's urgency. “And we didn’t want to get you upset and probably wreck anything…or anyone.”

“Where is she, Jin?”

Jin, once again hesitates for a moment. “She’s at a party with Hoseok, Tae, and Jungkook. It’s at the…Eta Psi Beta house at that neighboring university, not too far from here.”

“Oh Sh–” Namjoon looks like a deer caught in headlights, evident concern plastered on his face. “Did you not fucking know that’s the frat that he is in?”

“He?” Jin pauses for a moment confused about who Namjoon was referring to before it all clicks in his head, panicking. “Holy fuck! How was I supposed to remember that? Jungkook said he had a friend there. And I mean, it’s a big frat…what are the odds that she’ll run into him?”

Namjoon takes a deep breath, frustration and worry battling within him. He has been keeping tabs here and there on this guy for over a year, just out of concern for you. He wasn’t sure if you’d ever plan to seek him, or vice versa. No, this isn’t good. 

He doesn't want to waste any time. 

“I’m going out!” Without another word, he heads towards the front door.

John gets up from the couch seeing the commotion. “Woah, Joon, what’s going on?” His brows furrow, searching Namjoon's face for answers.

Namjoon's jaw clenches as he sighs, concern etched across his face. “I need to go find Y/N. She’s at Eta Psi’s party at UOX 20 minutes away, and she might be in some trouble soon.” As he speaks, his eyes dart around, calculating the steps he needs to take.

John senses the urgency in Namjoon's movements and offers his assistance. “I’ll take you! I didn’t drink at all earlier so I’m good to drive.”

Soyoon, catching wind of the unfolding situation, joins in, her eyes wide with concern. “We'll come along too and help you find her!”

Meanwhile, Jin, trying to compose himself, acknowledges the chaos. “I wanna go, but I’ll stay here. Yoongi will be back later, so it’ll be suspicious if we’re all gone,” he says, his demeanor calm but resolute, a stabilizing force amid the growing turmoil. Namjoon’s gaze flickers briefly to Jin, silently thanking him for staying behind. He then nods appreciatively at John's offer, grateful for the immediate support. "Thanks, John. Let's go."

 He gestures for San and Soyoon to follow as well, her worried expression mirrors his own. As they make their way to the door, John grabs his jacket, his movements quick and purposeful.

The front door closes, leaving Jin alone with his own contemplations. The room, once filled with casual conversation and the glow of the TV now feels empty and eerily quiet.

He glances at his phone, pondering whether he should reach out to Yoongi. He knows Yoongi hates that man’s guts just as much as Namjoon, but he knows that you will be even more troubled if you see him as well. As he debates internally, Jin takes a deep breath, preparing himself for whatever repercussions may follow, hoping that Namjoon can find you and the other boys swiftly and ensure you don’t end up seeing him.

+++++++++++

After several drinks, you’ve gotten lost in the humongous crowd of people filling the backyard of this frat house. The last time you remember seeing Taehyung’s social butterfly ass was when he was striking up conversations with a couple of girls. His infectious laughter and charming boxy smile drew them towards him, and soon he was engaged in a friendly game of beer pong with a group jealous guys and trying to show off his skills and impressive aim to the girls. They loved it.

You believe Jungkook was dragged away by an excited Taehyun wanting to show him something inside the house, though you’re not sure if he’s back…and somewhere in this crowd.  

So that leaves you with Hoseok for a while, and when 4 Walls by F(X) starts playing, he nudges you into the middle of the crowd.

You dance with him for a bit, enjoying yourself as you attempt to follow along the movements he does. This ends with you awkwardly laughing at your own failure. You could never pop and lock, or whatever he did.  You’re just not that flexible at all or well-versed with dance moves that aren’t “The Robot”. But Hoseok is gentle when teaching you. Compared to how strict he is with his students during his dance class sessions, according to Jungkook.

Dancing with him was short-lived, as he tells you to stay put because he wants to enter the dance circle emerging from the middle of the crowd in front of the DJ. He might be the DD for the night, but he isn’t going to miss out on the fun while being sober.

You don’t want to be squished with drunk, sweaty bodies around you, so you end up next to the DJ booth, where the same girl is still spinning tracks and taking charge of the party’s setlist. Her effortless grace and commanding presence behind the turntables catch your attention, and you can't help but be intrigued by her.

"So, how did you get into DJing?" you ask, raising your voice slightly to be heard over the music. Usually, you’re not as courageous to start conversations with random people, but today, the alcohol in your system said otherwise.

The girl flashes you a warm smile, her eyes sparkling with enthusiasm. "Well, I've always had a passion for music," she replies, adjusting a knob on the mixer with practiced ease. "Back in Japan, I used to DJ at small local events. When I came here for my exchange program, I jumped at the chance to share my love for music with a new audience."

You nod, impressed by her dedication and talent. "Oh wow! That's amazing. You're really good at it," you comment, nodding towards the crowd as they groove to the beat.

Her smile widens at the compliment, a hint of pride in her eyes. "Thanks! I love seeing people enjoy themselves on the dance floor, connected by the music."

As you continue chatting, you come to find out her name is Sakura, and is in the same year as you. Before you get the chance to tell her your name, your attention is suddenly drawn to the makeshift dance floor where Hoseok is engaged in a spirited dance battle with another party-goer. The two of them move with grace and precision, their movements synchronized to the pulsating rhythm of the music.

You watch in awe as Hoseok dazzles the crowd with his fluid dance moves, his energy infectious as he captivates everyone around him. The other dancer, who you couldn’t see well from your angle, seems to hold their own with impressive skill drawing impressed sounds from the people watching. The guy keeps matching Hoseok move for move while Summer Walker’s Dat Right There plays in the background. After they finish, two other guys are up and dancing to the next song on Sakura’s setlist.

Sakura follows your gaze as you watch Hoseok get mixed into the crowd once again, a smile playing on her lips. "Looks like your friend knows how to move," she remarks, her eyes twinkling with amusement. 

You nod in agreement, feeling a swell of pride over your friend getting complimented. “Yup! He’s won several dance competitions in the past.” You sip your blue cup. What even is the alcohol inside this cup? You think maybe you should stop drinking before you start to get the urge to puke. Though, when else can you go all out like this without their supervision?

“Competition!? Woah, that’s on a whole other level than Jun! He’s in the school’s dance team too.”

You want to continue your conversation with Sakura, but suddenly, you feel your vision spin. Shit, maybe you are at your limit. You used to be able to drink more, why are you so weak tonight? You try to hold onto the table for stability, which then catches Sakura’s attention.

 “Wait, hey…you okay?”

You quickly look up at her, and wave her off. “Uh, yeah! 100%. Just need some water.”

“There’s cases of bottled water in the kitchen, just head in through the back door. Think you can make it there? I would help, but I’m—”

You manage a weak smile, grateful for Sakura's concern. "Don’t worry! I'll do that. Thanks, Sakura," you reply, your voice sounding more slurred as you attempt to maintain your composure. With a determined nod, you push yourself away from the table, focusing on steadying your steps as you make your way toward the back door.

As you navigate through the throngs of bodies, you can feel the effects of the alcohol weighing heavily on your senses. The music seems louder now, the lights brighter, and the voices around you a chaotic blur. You press a hand to your temple, willing away the dizzy spell that threatens to overwhelm you.

The sudden shift in atmosphere hits you like a wave as you step inside the house. The air is thick with smoke, a potent mixture of cigarette and weed fumes that assault your senses. You cough slightly, your eyes watering as you try to adjust to the stifling environment. 

The dim lighting casts long shadows across the room, adding to the hazy ambiance. People are scattered throughout the space, lounging on couches, leaning against walls, and mingling in small groups. The music from outside pounds in your ears, reverberating through the walls and floor, making it difficult to think clearly. 

Making your way to the kitchen, you find the bottled water, grab one and twist off the cap, taking a long gulp of the refreshing liquid. The relief is short lived though, as you glance around, searching for a familiar face in the sea of strangers. Jungkook, Hoseok, and Taehyung are nowhere to be seen for some time. 

You feel a pang of unease at being separated from your friends at a random frat party, God knows where. You’re also passed the point of being tipsy. 

What school are you even at? Why didn’t you bother asking about it in the car earlier?

Maybe you should try finding Jungkook. Yeah, he should be inside somewhere. You didn’t see him come out earlier.

You walk to the living room to try to search for him amongst the lax bodies taking hits from bongs, but suddenly you hear your name called out.

“Y/N!”

Jungkook?

Wait, did that sound like Jungkook calling out to you? Maybe? Maybe not?

You’re drunk, but the voice sounds familiar, though. Who is that?

You turn around.

And when you do, you immediately regret it.

The familiar voice that you deemed to be Jungkook was not him, but it wasn’t completely unfamiliar to you at all. You used to hear this voice so often. A voice that would whisper sweet nothings to you in the late summer nights and would annoy the hell out of you with his comments.

It can’t be him, you think. You’re drunk! You’re just drunk, Y/N! Why would it be him, here, right now? As much as you tried to refute the appearance of that man before you, the image became clearer.

Choi Yeonjun.

Once you realize this, everything around you seizes movement. Soon, it feels like you stepped into a dream with how hazy everything has become. The atmosphere consumed with smoke from people smoking weed here is definitely not helping. 

You’re not sure if it’s the alcohol running through your veins or your anxiety making the world spin once more, but there’s a curdling feeling in your stomach now.

Before you can even think, your legs start to move you back, very slowly. Away from the man who left you devastated and heartbroken not too long ago.

“Y-Yeon–”

“Y/N…” 

Fuck. It’s been almost two years and you still can’t fucking say his name. What’s wrong with you? You’re over him. Why are you somehow standing here in fear just from being in his presence?

“I didn’t expect to see you here.”

“Me either.” That’s all you can mutter out? Wait. Is the “Jun” that Hoseok was dancing against earlier. Holy shit, this is all making sense. Of course you knew he went to a university close to you, but there’s thousands of students going there too. You would’ve never thought you’d just see fucking Yeonjun out of all people at a random ass frat party.

You wonder if he could sense the fear crawling through your skin, controlling your muscle movements. Your vision quivers twice as much as it should. Don’t make eye contact dammit.

Too late.

Despite your overwhelming urge to flee, you force yourself to stand your ground as Yeonjun approaches closer, his presence looming over you like a dark shadow. Every instinct screams at you to run, to go find the guys, to escape the memories that threaten to engulf you, but you swallow down your fear and brace yourself for what comes next.

"How have you been?" He asks, his voice soft yet filled with a tinge of uncertainty. 

You can feel the weight of his gaze on you, his eyes searching your face for any sign of softness. And perhaps weakness. Your heart pounds in your chest, your palms clammy with nerves as you struggle to find the right words to respond. You’re gonna puke at this rate and it’s going to be embarrassing.

"Good... uh, how are you?" you manage to say, your voice barely above a whisper. You can't bring yourself to meet his eyes, the fear of what you might see reflected in them too overwhelming to bear. Instead, you focus on a spot just over his shoulder, willing yourself to remain composed despite the turmoil raging inside you.

Yeonjun's response is brief, almost curt. "Good," he says, his voice devoid of any emotion.

There's a tense silence between you two. You can feel the weight of the past pressing down on you, threatening to suffocate you with its suffocating embrace. But still, you refuse to break, determined to weather the storm no matter what.

Finally, after what feels like an eternity, Yeonjun speaks again, his voice hesitant yet persistent on something. "Okay, look, I know it’s been awhile, but I noticed you talking to Sakura earlier and I thought it was fate that I saw you after so long. Can we talk?"

“Huh? What?” 

Now what’s this about? You’ve been through too much and having a conversation about whatever the fuck is on his mind is something you do not want to do tonight. Or ever. You guys have been done. You have no more tears left to cry. You know your heart lies elsewhere.

“I know things ended badly when I left you, but—”

You’re not sure if he’s apologizing after reflecting on the past some time ago or if he’s trying to get back together with you, but you cannot stomach this. You want to leave. He’s probably drunk anyways. If he sincerely feels either of the two ways, he would’ve come to find you earlier to tell while he’s sober.

“Yeonjun,” You sigh heavily as you interrupt him, giving him a stern expression to show that you’re serious, “I’m not feeling too great right now. I need to go find the guys.”

“The guys?” Yeonjun scoffs. “You’re still hanging around with them?”

“Who?”

“Namjoon, Yoongi and Jimin.”

What? You’re not even going to tell him that’s not who you’re here with, but now you have questions. There’s something he’s clearly insinuating here that he never told you when you two were dating. You wonder if it’s related to the reason why he ended things when you thought they were going so well. 

You want to keep edging him on until he spills.

“What’s wrong with that?” You raise your eyebrow, getting progressively more pissed off.

Yeonjun’s gaze hardens, his features contorting with a mixture of frustration and disbelief. “What’s wrong with that?” he echoes, his voice tinged with bitterness. “Can’t believe you’re still so dense after all this time.”

No, never mind. You’re not going to stand here and be degraded until you get a piece of a puzzle that doesn’t matter anymore.

“If you’re going to fucking insult me, then I’m leaving.”

“No, you’re not leaving yet!” Yeonjun suddenly grabs your wrist, preventing you from leaving. His fingers dig into your skin with a painful intensity. You cringe for a moment. Panic courses through your veins as you struggle against his hold, desperate to break free from his grasp.

Before you could fight against his hold further, you turn to see a man, similar in height to Yeonjun, shoving him roughly against the nearest wall, his expression dark and menacing. This action makes Yeonjun let go as his hands are now elsewhere.

Your heart pounds in your chest as you watch the altercation unfold, fear and uncertainty swirling inside you like a raging storm. Who is this man?

Holy shit. 

Looking at him closely, the realization hits you like a ton of bricks—it's Namjoon.

Why is he here? How did he know you guys were here anyway?

"What the fuck is your problem grabbing her like that?" Namjoon's voice cuts through the chaos, his tone filled with anger and concern.

“Wait, Namjoon! Just stop. Let it go!”

Hoseok's voice breaks through the chaos, drawing your attention. He strides towards you, his eyes blazing with fury and worry. Taehyung and Jungkook follow closely behind, their expressions a mix of concern and determination. A crowd starts to form around them, even bringing in more people from outside after hearing the commotion.

Namjoon moves quickly, grabbing Yeonjun by the collar. “I don’t like violence, but you’ve really been pissing me off since that summer.” he growls, his voice dripping with menace.

Yeonjun staggers backward, out of Namjoon’s hold. Though his eyes remain wide with shock. He seems uncertain of what to do next, caught off guard by Namjoon's appearance and sudden aggression. His expression shifts from surprise to defiance, his jaw clenched with determination.

"Pissed off at me?" Yeonjun's voice is laced with poison, his eyes narrowing as he locks gazes with Namjoon. "I'm the one pissed off at you knowing she liked you this whole time and you never noticed a goddamn thing."

You remain frozen while hearing the words coming out of Yeonjun’s mouth. You liking Namjoon this whole time? Gears turn in your head. Did you never realize those feelings slip out of you? During the times you’d lovingly call Yeonjun, ‘Junnie’...did it feel so right because it was the same nickname Namjoon had? Yeonjun suddenly interjects with a sharp tone, "So you should stop acting up." 

The room falls into a momentary silence, punctuated only by the muffled thud as Yeonjun swiftly grabs a book from a nearby table and hits Namjoon's head with it. There's an audible gasp from the onlookers, some leaning forward in their spots to get a better view, while others recoil in shock at the unexpected turn of events.

Namjoon, caught off guard by the sudden blow, winces as the book makes contact with his head. He instinctively brings a hand up to rub the spot where he was struck, his expression a mixture of surprise and discomfort.

You, too, are taken aback by Yeonjun's action, your eyes widening as you and hoping they’ll just stop. 

Namjoon regains his posture and immediately goes back to gripping Yeonjun's collar, this time more tightly. "You have no idea what you're talking about," he retorts, his voice low and dangerous.

Yeonjun laughs, a bitter edge to the sound. "How thick is your skull? You can’t see how she’s looking at you, even now?” he sneers. "She's always been thinking of you all this time! Even when I was fucking her—"

Before Yeonjun can finish his sentence, Namjoon's fist connects with his jaw, the force of the blow sending him staggering backward once more. Yeonjun stumbles again, his balance thrown off by the unexpected attack and he falls to the floor.

The room erupts into chaos as people nearby shout and gasp in surprise. Namjoon steps forward, his expression dark and unreadable as he advances on Yeonjun, who raises his hands defensively.

"Namjoon, stop!" Your voice cuts through the tumult, your tone urgent as you rush forward to intervene. 

“Y/N, get away from them!” Jungkook runs towards you, trying to pull you away. Hoseok and Taehyung's faces are etched with concern as they rush to restrain Namjoon. Two other guys you recognize as Yeonjun’s close friends Soobin and Taehyun try to restrain Yeonjun as well. 

You run towards Namjoon and with a strong pull, manage to move him away and make him snap out of his sudden rage. When he looks down at your eyes, he notices you're slowly sobbing, frustrated.

He turns to look at Yeonjun, sitting on the ground as Soobin and Taehyun tend to his bloody nose as a result of the punch. 

As Namjoon's eyes meet yours, he registers the anguish reflected in your tear-filled gaze. The sight of your distress is like a bucket of cold water, jolting him out of his blind rage. Guilt washes over him as he realizes the impact his actions have had on you.

"Y/N," he murmurs, his voice thick with regret. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean—"

But before he can finish his apology, you turn away, your shoulders shaking with silent sobs. Your heart feels heavy with a mixture of emotions—anger, frustration, and overwhelming sadness. You feel stupid in a way. What are you upset about? Is it because he fought and hurt Yeonjun? Is it because of the pact he had with Yoongi and Jimin? Is it because Yeonjun touched upon growing feelings you tried to repress?

Probably, it’s all of the above.

Namjoon reaches out to touch your arm, his expression pleading. "We need to talk."

Should you talk to Namjoon? You’re starting to sober up a bit after all that, so maybe you should come clean to him about everything that has happened not only in the last few weeks, but the last few months.

And perhaps, it’s time to put an end to your feelings or let yourself be consumed by them.

“Okay, fine, let’s go outside," you whisper, your voice barely audible over the din of the crowd. You wipe your tears, calming your breathing to stop the sobs. Namjoon nods in agreement, his expression somber as he follows you through the crowd. 

+++++++++++ 

“Why are you here?” You look down impatiently at Namjoon, who is now sitting on the sidewalk outside of the Eta Psi house. 

John, Soyoon, and San stand outside, their expressions etched with concern as they searched for you earlier. Namjoon waves them away, urging them to retreat inside and grant you both some privacy. They comply reluctantly, casting worried glances over their shoulders as they leave. They didn’t witness the fight or Namjoon getting hit, but it is evident from the tear stains on your face and Namjoon's deflated demeanor that something bad happened. They will likely learn the details later from Jungkook, who will be sure to fill them in once they are indoors.

“What? Why are you here? At this party a few towns over, all alone?”

“I wasn't alone! I came here with Tae, Jungkook and Hoseok. But what the hell is wrong with you?” “What do you mean what the fuck is wrong with me? Yeonjun suddenly grabbed you. I was trying to protect you.”

“You didn’t need to protect me because I could’ve handled that! Way better than you, who started a fight!” you retort, your voice rising with anger.

Stunned, Namjoon huffs in disbelief, jaw working overtime. “You were standing there for a solid five minutes, hands shaking, and stuck in place!”

He saw that too? Shit. He’s right. You couldn’t even move, and once again it was just like the summer right before freshman year of college. Right when he broke up with you and the last time you ever faced him. You hate having to recall that day when it felt like all the love you poured into this human you cared for so dearly became dried up and nonexistent.

Not wanting to admit your faults and being in a partially drunk stupor, you let your cold nature take over.

“Who even asked you to do that?” you snap, your tone cold and defensive.

Namjoon only stares at you, unblinking and feeling the distance you suddenly put in between him. “Who asked me? Who–” he begins, but his words trail off.

This silence cuts through the night air. For once in your life, Namjoon cannot find the right words to articulate his thoughts. He suddenly looks flustered, debating what he should even say.

And in that second, your harsher features start to soften in realization. You regret your bitter question aimed at him and reflecting on your past trauma. Why did you have to say that? What the fuck is wrong with you?  You used to be more calm and collective for fucks sake. Who even are you anymore? 

Namjoon can be petty by nature too, though he’s never been like that toward you. 

“Says the same person who’s been in a fuck buddies deal with Yoongi and Jimin.”

Silence once again. Except now, it is accompanied by a light shower. It’s raining.

Your mind, however, is very loud right now. Screaming internally with millions of questions. More importantly: How the fuck did he find out? Did the other guys spill to him? Or did he know all along? Since when? 

“Joon, that’s just…it’s not…” Cat has your tongue now.

He chuckles bitterly, “Am I even mad? Nah, ‘mad’ doesn’t even cut it.” he mutters, his voice tinged with sadness. He looks down at his hands, now covered in droplets of rainwater, and sighs heavily. “I’ve been good at hiding it, but it’s been so fucking upsetting how stupid you three are for doing that. But how the fuck could I have confronted y’all?”

“Well if it weren’t for you making out with Jihyo at the party right in front my eyes, then this wouldn’t have happened. I just got so upset and ran off. Yoongi was only trying to comfort me, but I was the one who initiated everything. So if you’re going to hate someone, hate me.”

You may have lost Yoongi and Jimin, but the idea of Namjoon hating you and losing him hurts so much. But if you have to end things, might as well do it now.

So fucking much.

“No.” He mumbles.

“What?” “No.” Namjoon’s voice is much clearer, and definitive. He stares into your eyes, but before you can fully process his response, your own words spill out in a rush of guilt and self-loathing. 

“Uh I’ve been sleeping with our other two best friends, and even that won’t get you to hate me?” Tears blur your vision and you struggle to formulate a coherent discussion of every selfish thing you’ve done. “I feel like the shittiest person alive right now! Yoongi and I basically did that out of frustration against you and Jimin becoming distant and changing. Then Jimin ended things with Irene because he liked me all this time and then he got caught up with me and Yoongi and now we got into a fight and–”

“I’m never going to hate you, Y/N.” Namjoon interrupts, his voice steady and filled with unwavering conviction. “Because even if you did that shit, it’s clear as day to me why you did all of that. It’s because you’ve been in love with me all this time too.” His words hang in the air, a profound acknowledgment of the truth that lingers between you. 

There it is.

The thoughts you never wanted to address, not even to Yoongi on the night of the Gamma party.

Namjoon finally realized too. You hate to thank Yeonjun for making the dots connect in his mind.

“Well, congrats on opening Pandora’s box, because you’re right.” you murmur, your voice barely above a whisper.

Is he going to say something sassy, like ‘I’m always right!’? You wouldn’t even mind him shoving it in your face, because you deserve it after all. You got yourself into this mess.

Namjoon rises from the sidewalk and you find yourself enveloped in his warm embrace under the rain, his arms a comforting anchor amidst the turmoil of your emotions. In that moment, you realize that perhaps there’s still hope for the two of you, despite the mistakes and misunderstandings that have plagued your relationship. As you stand in Namjoon’s embrace, surrounded by the gentle patter of raindrops and the soft glow of streetlights, you find the courage to bare your soul to him.

“Namjoon,” you begin, your voice trembling with emotion, “Ever since we first became friends, I’ve felt something for you. It’s hard to put into words, but it’s always been there, just lingering beneath the surface.”

You pause, your thoughts drifting to the countless moments you’ve shared with him—the laughter, the tears, the late-night conversations that stretched into dawn about the most existential topics. From elementary until now. Each memory is etched into your heart, forming a tapestry of emotions that binds you to him in ways you never imagined possible.

“But it’s not just you,” you continue, your words spilling out in a rush of honesty. “Yoongi and Jimin, they’ve also carved out a place in my heart, each in their own way. It’s complex, messy, and kinda overwhelming.”

Your voice wavers as you confess the tangled web of emotions that have plagued you for so long. “But you, Namjoon…you’re the first love I never wanted to admit. I really wanted to take this to the grave if I could.”

Namjoon’s arms tighten around you, offering silent reassurance as you lay bare your deepest fears and desires. You already know how he feels, but him having the chance to hear you out probably eased every one of his own doubts and concerns.

As the rain continues to fall around you, casting a soft, ethereal glow over the scene, you feel a sense of serenity wash over you. The world around you fades into the background, leaving only you and Namjoon standing amidst the gentle rhythm of the rain.

With a newfound clarity, you tilt your head up to meet Namjoon's gaze, the air thick with anticipation. His eyes, dark pools of warmth and understanding, reflect the same emotions swirling within your own heart.

In this moment, there's no need for words. The unspoken longing between you hangs heavy in the air, a silent symphony of desire and yearning that binds you together.

Slowly, almost hesitantly, you reach up, your fingers tangling in the damp strands of Namjoon's hair. His breath catches in his throat as you draw him closer, your lips hovering just inches apart.

And then, with a surge of courage born from the depths of your heart, you close the distance between you, pressing your lips against his in a tender, tentative kiss.

The world seems to stand still as your lips meet, a symphony of emotions surrounding you, with a euphoric dizzying.You’re not sure if it’s the alcohol in your system doing that anymore. This is purely you in this moment suspended in time while the soft caress of your lips are against his.

For a heartbeat, you linger in the sweetness of the kiss, savoring the taste of rain and desire on his lips. And then, as if Namjoon becomes more confident in the moment, he deepens the kiss, your bodies moving in perfect harmony as you lose yourself in the intoxicating embrace of each other.

And this is where you realize, in the gentle patter of rain and the soft glow of streetlights, that this is where you belong—in Namjoon's arms, with his lips pressed against yours, in a world where love knows no bounds.

You pull away from the kiss, a soft giggle escapes your lips. The sound mingles with the gentle patter of raindrops around you. "I've wanted to do that for so long," you admit, a playful glint in your eyes. "Even when you were being annoying and scolding me at times, I thought it would've been better to shut you up with a kiss."

Namjoon's cheeks flush with a delicate shade of pink, his gaze shifting away shyly. "I...I wouldn't have minded," he confesses, his voice barely above a whisper. You love seeing this flustered side of him, and hope you can see more of it.

Before you can respond, the sound of wet footsteps interrupts the moment, and you turn to see John emerging from the house, followed closely by Soyoon, Jungkook, Hoseok, Taehyung, and San, who peer curiously from behind him.

"Are you lovebirds done over there?" John teases, a mischievous grin spreading across his face as he gestures to you and Namjoon.

You feel your cheeks heat up at his words, feeling embarrassed that you were likely caught kissing Namjoon. Though, besides John’s question, no one else comments on the situation. "Um yeah, I think I wanna go back home," you say, your gaze shifting to Namjoon, who nods in agreement. "I wasn’t feeling good earlier, had too much to drink." "That’s why I told you to be careful!" Jungkook chimes in, scolding you jokingly as he tries to earn some brownie points from Namjoon for looking out for you. “You didn’t say anything!” You expose him, eliciting laughter from everyone present. Even amidst the lighthearted banter, your mind drifts back to Yeonjun, more or less because you’re worried about him taking legal action against Namjoon. “Wait, is Yeonjun…”

“Yeonjun’s going to be fine," Jungkook reassures, making you sigh in relief.  "Hueningkai and Beomgyu helped take him up to his room. He was pretty drunk, so we don’t think he’ll remember anything that happened tonight.”

Relief washes over you at Jungkook's reassurance about Yeonjun's well-being, the worry in your chest easing slightly. 

“Alright, I’ll take you and the others back,” John announces, motioning for you to follow him to his car parked across the street from the frat house.

As you approach the vehicle, you turn to Hoseok, Taehyung, and Jungkook across the street. “Are you guys heading back too?”

Hoseok shakes his head with a smile. “Nah, we’ll stick around for a bit longer, make sure everything's all good here.”

“The night is still young for us, but go get some rest, Honey,” Taehyung says, gesturing for you to get in the car.

You give them a grateful smile, appreciating their willingness to stay behind and look out for any potential trouble.

With a final wave, you climb into John's car along with Namjoon, Soyoon, San, and John himself, ready to return back to campus. The engine revs to life, and soon you’re turning the street corner, leaving the chaos of the frat party behind you. As the streetlights flicker past, you lean back in your seat, feeling a sense of relief and contentment wash over you. 

+++++++++++

“I’ll help take Y/N inside and then walk back home,” Namjoon tells John as he shuts the door of his car. “Alright, just text me when you make it back. Have a good night, guys.” John waves, exiting the parking lot in front of Hwasa’s dorm and disappearing in the distance. He dropped off Soyoon and San at their dorms across campus, so he is just headed back to his off-campus apartment. Before you swipe Hwasa’s student ID to enter her dorm, you suddenly feel your stomach churn with nausea. Maybe it was the ride back that made you queasy, or the fact that the only contents in your stomach were alcohol. Without warning, the urge to vomit hits you like a tidal wave, and you bolt towards a nearby bush, clutching your stomach in distress. Namjoon's eyebrows furrow in concern as he watches you rush away. He quickly follows, his footsteps echoing against the pavement as he reaches your side. Without hesitation, he holds your hair up to prevent the puke from sticking to it accidently.

You continue to retch, emptying the contents of your stomach into the bush, Namjoon stays by your side, offering silent support and comfort. His reassuring presence helps to calm your racing heartbeat, grounding you amid your discomfort.

“I-I…really hate throwing up so much,” you admit between gasps, your voice trembling with embarrassment.

“I know,” Namjoon replies softly, his tone understanding. “You should’ve been more cautious.”

You nod weakly, acknowledging his words even as you struggle to regain your composure.

“I know that,” you murmur, pushing yourself upright and wiping your mouth with the back of your hand. “But I was upset...sad…needed something to take my mind off of the stuff with Yoongi and Jimin.” You swipe access and enter the building together.

“Yeah, how did all of that happen?”

“Well, it’s a long story…”

And you proceed to tell him everything that happened, from the night you first had sex with Yoongi all up until the fight that Jimin initiated at Friday Night Game Night two weeks ago. While you told him the story, you got changed, brushed your teeth, and drank some water to rehydrate you after the vomiting. He sat on your bed, watching you do each task and listening to you carefully. 

Once you’ve completed your routine, you join Namjoon on the bed, sinking into the soft mattress beside him.

“I think the answer is obvious, but we made that pact because we’ve been in love with you for a long time,” Namjoon begins, his voice soft as he gazes up at the twinkling string lights that adorn the room. “Sometime during junior year, we were at Yoongi’s house and just started talking about our feelings and didn’t know what to do.” He lays back against your pillows, sighing. “We didn’t want to ruin our friendship with you and we also didn’t want to make you uncomfortable,” Namjoon continues, his tone tinged with regret. “We didn’t think you’d like us back because you were occupied with other guys on your mind back then. So, at that time, we decided to agree that neither of us would pursue you and move on.”

“Except that Yoongi decided to say fuck it,” you interject with a wry smile, remembering the impulsive decision that changed everything.

Namjoon chuckles softly, shaking his head in amusement. “Yeah, we had tried to move on, though Yoongi probably couldn’t let you go, so he went for it. Can’t believe he did that, but I would’ve done the same if I were in his shoes.”

He turns to you, his expression earnest as he asks, "So, what are you going to do, Tiny? How are you planning to reconcile your friendship with them?"

You pause, feeling stress settle heavily on your shoulders once again. It’s a dilemma you’ve grappled with countless times, each solution more elusive than the last. "I still don't know," you admit, your voice tinged with uncertainty. "In an ideal world, I'd love to be with you and them, but is that even possible?"

Namjoon's eyes soften with understanding as he listens to your concerns. "That’s a thing, you know," he suggests tentatively. “It’s called being in a polycule together."

You gasp, the concept both surprising and intriguing. "A polycule?" you repeat, your mind racing with possibilities. "Do you think...could that really work?"

Namjoon nods thoughtfully, his gaze meeting yours with unwavering sincerity. "Maybe," he replies, his voice tinged with cautious optimism. "It's definitely something worth considering, but we'd all have to think about it more and talk it through together."

A polycule. You can’t deny how much you’d be down for the idea. The thought of being in a loving, supportive relationship with Namjoon, Jimin, and Yoongi is undeniably appealing. However, there are other things to consider, like the future of the relationship and how you could ever present this to your own families. No doubt your parents would get a heart attack. But maybe, you’d figure out how to make this work. You don’t have to publicly get married, maybe you could just frame it as being single forever with your other single best friends. It’d be like that article about the seven Chinese girlfriends buying a mansion to retire and die together. 

You move to straddle Namjoon’s lap excitedly, “I want to try that,” 

Namjoon's expression shifts from contemplative to surprised as you straddle his lap, the sudden change in proximity catching him off guard. He blinks, momentarily taken aback by your boldness, before a soft smile spreads across his lips.

You look at his beautiful deep brown dragon eyes, always so mesmerizing.Your heart flutters at the sight, reassured by the warmth in his gaze. You're acutely aware of the intimate closeness between you, the heat of his body seeping through the thin fabric of your clothes, igniting a flicker of desire deep within you.

For a moment, Namjoon doesn’t respond. He’s caught off guard, thinking about how cute you look being on top of him like this. When he doesn’t respond right away, you give him a puzzled look.

"You're only wearing underwear under your oversized Pokémon t-shirt?" He teases, his eyes twinkling with amusement.

“Huh?” Your cheeks redden, “Y-You could tell?”

“Yeah.” 

Your heart skips a beat as Namjoon's hand brushes against your cheek, sending a shiver down your spine. His touch is gentle yet electrifying.

Before you can fully comprehend what's happening, Namjoon pulls you down, your lips meet his in a kiss full of need and desire.

As your lips meld together in a tender embrace, the kiss deepens, becoming more passionate and intense. You feel the gentle pressure of Namjoon's lips parting, inviting you into his mouth. With a soft whimper of desire, you accept the invitation, allowing your tongue to dance against his.

He starts undressing you, from your t-shirt to your panties, eager to finally have you after all this time. Once you’re naked, you pull yourself back up and let him bask in the view of you. He’s awestruck by the sight of your perky breasts.

He takes a moment to admire your curves, his eyes lingering on the way your rounded hips fit perfectly into your waist. He traces the line of your belly button with his fingertips, marveling at the way your skin feels under his touch.

You watch him, enjoying the way he looks at you, and suddenly you're desperate for more. You reach down and cupping his face, pulling his lips to yours in a deep, passionate kiss.

Your fingers trail down his arms, tracing the muscles beneath his shirt, as his hands slide up your sides, grazing your ribs before moving up to cup your breasts. His touch feels divine, his fingers gently tugging at your nipples, sending shivers down your spine.

His lips travel down your neck, leaving a trail of warm, wet kisses as he goes. You can't help but moan softly, your head falling back in pleasure. He runs his tongue over the swell of your collarbone, and then moves downward, his lips leaving a hot, wet trail as he goes. He sucks gently on your nipples, his tongue flicking against the sensitive skin.

You arch your back, enjoying the sensation of his mouth on your body. You feel his hands slide down your belly, the warmth of his fingers tracing circles on your skin. He kisses his way down your stomach, his lips leaving warm, wet kisses in a trail that leads to your hips.

You can feel the anticipation building up inside you. Your breath catches in your throat as he reaches the top of your thighs, his fingers brushing against the sensitive skin. You're not sure what he's going to do next, and that's part of the thrill.

He looks up at you, his eyes filled with desire. He moves to remove his sweatpants, his shirt, and finally his boxer briefs.

You watch him, your eyes widening as he stands before you, completely naked. It's the first time you've seen him without clothes, and it's a sight that takes your breath away. He's been your best friend for so long, and now here he is, vulnerable and exposed in front of you.

His erection sticks up prominently, a testament to his arousal. He's bigger than you expected, and the sight of it makes your heart race and your breath catch in your throat.

Before you can think about it, you reach out and touch him, tentatively wrapping your fingers around his shaft. It feels warm and hard in your hand, and you can't help but marvel at how it's throbbing beneath your touch.

He moans softly, and you can tell that he's enjoying your touch. You run your thumb over the head of his penis, feeling the slit that moistens with pre-cum. It's an intimate moment, and you can’t believe this is the first time you’re able to touch him this way.

You stroke him gently, feeling his muscles tense and relax as you do. His hips move subtly, as though he's enjoying your touch. You're grateful for his trust in you, and for the connection that's brought you to this moment.

As you continue to stroke him, you feel his hand on your thigh, gently running his fingers up and down your leg. It's a small gesture, but it means the world to you. It's a sign that he's not only comfortable with where this is going, but that he's also enjoying himself.

He leans in close, his lips brushing against his ear. "I'm so glad we're doing this," he whispers. "I've wanted this for so long,

“And I'm so glad you're here with me."

You can't help but feel a surge of emotion welling up inside you. This wasn't just about having sex with Namjoon, but the long, slow burning affection you and Namjoon have likely had for one another. You nod, your cheeks flushed with a mix of arousal and affection.

He smiles warmly at you, his eyes filled with love and desire. "I know you're nervous, but don't worry," he reassures you. "We'll take it slow."

You nod, swallowing hard as you take a deep breath. This moment feels like something you've been dreaming about for years, and you're both nervous and excited all at once.

Namjoon's fingers trail up your inner thigh, and you can't help but moan softly as his touch sends a jolt of pleasure straight to your core. You reach down, and tentatively guide his hand towards your now soaked core, your legs parting slightly to allow him access.

He gently slides his fingers between your labia, feeling the dampness and heat that awaits him. You gasp as his fingers brush against your clitoris, sending sparks of pleasure coursing through your body.

"Is this okay?" He murmurs, his voice low and filled with concern. You nod, unable to speak past the desire now coursing through you. “Words, please baby girl.”

The nickname immediately catches you offguard but you don’t comment on it. Your horniness yet again clouding your ability to question things.

“Y-Yes!”

With this confirmation, his fingers slide inside you, two, then three, stretching you gently as he explores your depths. You can't help but moan loudly, your body arching into his touch.

"You feel so amazing inside," he whispers, his fingers moving in and out of you in a steady rhythm. You can't help but thrust your hips into his hand, desperate for more.

He leans down and kisses you deeply, his tongue exploring your mouth as his fingers continue to thrust inside of you. Your body is alive with sensation, every touch, every kiss, every thrust sending waves of pleasure through you.

As he continues to fuck you with his fingers, you can feel your orgasm building. It starts as a gentle tingle, then grows into a throbbing need that courses through your entire body.

"I'm going to come," you gasp, your voice shaking with desire. Namjoon grins, his eyes shining with need as he increases the pace of his fingers, his thumb rubbing your clit in circles.

"That's it, baby girl. Cum for me," he urges, his voice low and filled with lust.

Every thrust of his fingers and every circle of his thumb brings you closer to the edge, until finally, you can't take it anymore. The band unwinds and you start to squirm in place.

You lay there, breathing heavily, waiting for the high to go down. You feel somewhat embarassed that he just did this to you and saw you come. You can’t help but want him more of his touch. You want him inside you.

"Namjoon," you breathe, your voice rough with desire. "I want you to be inside me."

His eyes flash with desire, and he pulls his fingers out of you with a soft pop. He moves towards the bed, his erection leading the way.

"Are you sure?" he asks, his voice deep and filled with anticipation.

You nod, your heart racing as you watch him position himself at your entrance. You can feel his knees between your legs, and the heat of his body presses against yours.

"You can do it without the condom, I’m on BC." you whisper, your voice shaking with nerves and desire. “I-I’m ready.”

With one smooth motion, Namjoon pushes himself inside you. You gasp at the sensation. Holy fuck, he’s huge. Can you really fit him in you? You’ve never experienced someone this big. Namjoon senses your discomfort and is about to ask if he should stop, however, you wave him off.

“Please keep going, Joon.” Your body clenches around his erection as he continues, filling you completely to the brim.

"Fuck," he mutters, his eyes locked on yours. "This feels better than I imagined."

He places his hand right below your stomach, and you can see the switch in his demeanor become darker. He smirks at you. “I can even feel myself right here”

“H-Holy shit,” These are the only words you can let out as he starts to further dominate you.

“I’m going to start moving, okay baby?”

“Mhm.” Just nodding in agreement, you brace yourself for what is about to come. Namjoon's eyes never leave yours as he begins to move inside of you, his thrusts slow and deliberate at first before growing more forceful with each passing second. You cry out with each stroke, your nails digging into his back as he fills you completely.

Your hips start meeting his movements, your body craving the sensation of him inside of you. You moan loudly, your body arching into his touch.

His cock slides in and out of you, each thrust bringing a new wave of pleasure that leaves you breathless. You reach up, your hands gripping his shoulders as he continues to fuck you.

"Fuck, you feel so good," he growls, his voice filled with lust. "You're so tight."

As he plunges deeper into you, he leans down and captures your lips in a passionate kiss. His tongue dances with yours, his hands gripping your hips tightly as he fucks you harder and faster. You don’t want it to end, but you can feel the building tension within you again, the waves of pleasure threatening to overflow.

Every thrust brings you closer to the edge, and you know that you're not far from coming again. You arch your back, your hips moving in time with his thrusts.

"I'm going to cum," you gasp, your voice shaking with need. Namjoon groans, his eyes locked.

"Then cum for me, baby girl," he growls, his voice deep and filled with lust. He thrusts harder and faster into you, his body bucking against yours as he drives himself deeper into you.

Every thrust of his hips sends another wave of pleasure coursing through you. Your body is alive with sensation, every touch, every kiss, every thrust sending you higher and higher.

You can feel your orgasm building, pulsing through your core, and you know that this time it will be even more intense than before. Your body is on fire, every nerve ending alive with desire, and you can feel your climax reaching its peak.

"That's it," Namjoon mutters, his voice ragged with desire. "Cum for me, baby girl. Let me feel you come on my dick."

The words send you over the edge, and you scream his name as you come, your body convulsing around his dick.

"F-Fuck!" you scream, your voice echoing through the room. "Joonie!"

He feels your muscles clenching around him, and he knows that he can’t hold on much longer. He slams into you one last time, his own release building to a shuddering climax inside you.

"I'm cumming," he groans, his voice hoarse with passion. "Fuck, I'm cumming!"

As you both reach the peak of your orgasms, your bodies are shaking with the intensity of the pleasure. Breathing heavily. Sweating tremendously from the heat. Your nerves feel alive, and the overwhelming desire for him grows stronger. 

As the waves of aftershocks subsided, he pulls out of you gently, his cock glistening with your wetness. He breathes heavily, his eyes filled with laughter as he helps you clean up. It has been quite the experience, and you both know that this will probably become a regular part of your love life.

After cleaning up, he helps you into bed, spooning you from behind. You can feel that he was still hard under the sheets, and you giggle at his persistence.

"Joonie, you're still hard," you whisper, a smile on your face.

"I know, but I don't want to cum again just yet," he replies, his voice low and filled with desire. "I want to hold you like this for a while." He caresses your cheek gently.

You snuggle into his arms, your heart full of love for him. You drift off to sleep for a bit, before you wake up again wanting to do it again. This time, spending time pleasuring him. You suck his dick and deepthroat it, despite his worries. 

With this event, you know that your life will never be the same again. Namjoon has forever changed you, as well as Yoongi and Jimin and you couldn't be more grateful.

All that is left is figuring if you can make the polycule idea a reality.

Would it be insane if you’d try it? If you helped initiate the virginity race, then you could do this too. +++++++++++ [Extra POV]

Meanwhile, inside the house, chaos slowly dissipates as Soobin and Taehyun rush to tend to Yeonjun's bloody nose on the floor. Jungkook, guilt-ridden, is apologizing profusely for his friend's actions, his words tumbling out in a rush of remorse.

Beomgyu and Hueningkai, Yeonjun’s other close frat brothers, arrive on the scene. Beomgyu's laughter ringing through the air as he chides Yeonjun for his reckless behavior. 

"Man, you're lucky Namjoon didn't knock you into next week!" he jokes, though there's an edge of concern in his voice. “Can’t believe you thought it was fine to go up against a guy three times bigger than you!”

“Beomgyu, shut the fuck up. I don’t want to hear it.” Yeonjun groans as he holds a crumpled tissue paper to his nose waiting for the bleeding to stop.

Hueningkai turns to Jungkook, Taehyung and Hoseok, sighing, "Guys, your friend Namjoon needs to get out of here soon before the cops decide to show up from the commotion," he says, his tone urgent.

Hoseok nods in agreement. "He'll be out soon," he assures them. “They’re outside talking it out. If they don’t wrap it up in 15 minutes, I’m dragging his ass to John’s car or Jungkook’s.” 

“Yoooo, what the hell happened?” Soyoon chimes in with John and San trailing behind her. She looks at the sight in the living room all confused.

“The guy on the floor is Honey’s ex and Namjoon fought him because he was being an ass.” Jungkook summarizes, make the three nod in understanding.

“God, can you all shut up and stop talking about–” Yeonjun winces in pain, making Soobin panic.

Taehyun, his patience wearing thin, scolds Yeonjun sternly. "Well, what did you think was going to happen?" he chastises. "Jungkook told me Namjoon is in the gym five times a week, and all you do is shotgun beers and chase tri delts."

Taehyung chuckles at the remark, unable to resist the humor in the situation. "Yeah, you might want to rethink your strategy next time, buddy," he quips, though there's an underlying seriousness to his tone.

“I wanted to be friends with Y/N again.” Yeonjun slurs, his lips pouting out. “Can I have another drink?”

“But you see where that got you!” Soobin intervenes. "And no!” He firmly denies Yeonjun's request for another drink. "You've had enough drinks for one night, Jjun.” 

Yeonjun grumbles in protest, but Soobin's resolve is unwavering. With a supportive arm, he helps Yeonjun stand up, steadying him as they both rise. "I think you should go to bed," Soobin suggests softly, his tone gentle yet firm. "We'll handle slowly dispersing people out and tell them to go to another party."

Yeonjun nods. Beomgyu and Hueningkai step forward to offer their assistance. Beomgyu slings an arm around Yeonjun's shoulders, offering him a supportive grip, while Hueningkai moves to steady him from the other side.

"Let's get you to bed, man," Beomgyu says with a sympathetic smile, his tone reassuring.

Yeonjun leans on them for support, grateful for their presence as they navigate through the crowd. 

But as he stumbled along with his friends' support, Yeonjun couldn't ignore the nagging feeling of regret gnawing at him. Maybe he shouldn't have been so hostile, towards you or Namjoon. It wasn't fair to you at all. It wasn’t why he wanted to talk to you anyways

He couldn't shake the guilt that washed over him as he thought about your past together. He'd acted out of jealousy and hurt, hoping to reclaim a piece of something that was long gone. But now, faced with the consequences of his actions, he realized how foolish he'd been.

With this, he’s closing the door forever.

All he wanted was to crawl into bed and sleep off the alcohol-induced haze.

-

-

-

tbc !!!!! :D

a/n: 3 MORE CHAPTERS LEFT. we are getting closer and closer to the eventual polycule we might get... or not. this was probably the most exciting chapter to write because it was planned since LAST AUGUST. literally before any chapter of this series dropped. rae and i had been plotting the yeonjun v. namjoon fight since then and ironically yeonjun was in apartment 404 and filmed a fight scene. so thank me for manifesting yeonjun fighting lmao. it took me a little over a month to write because i had job interviews and rae was busy with life/school to edit as well so apologies on the delay, but it is here now. i will try to work on ch 10 and make sure it doesn't take to long, but i have to be job searching so it might take some time again. the goal is to finish this series before the anniversary in late august so we will see. would love to hear y'alls thoughts or theories on what will happen to our favorite quad and the rest of the house next chapter. thank you all for reading!

➸ let me know what you think OR join the taglist! ➸ love u lately series masterlist

[thedawningofthehour]

Ok, I just swallowed like, 5 hours of video explaining the whole fallout story and now that I know more or less what's going on, I can say that I really want a Fallout Rottmnt.

The Idea of Donnie creating his own brotherhood of steel is so cool, he would probably name it something like, the order of atomic lass or something, and all the armors would have phosphorescent lights and speakers included,

I just pictured Donnie downloading Shelldom into the enclave computer and pretending to be the president.

If Leo joins a cult it will only be to get high on dangerous substances and participate in orgies, if he realizes that the children of the atom don't do that he will skidaddle.

Mikey is dedicated to domesticate wild mutant beasts in order to create delicious dishes.

And Raph, he's just chilling out helping local farmers, occasionally wrestling supermutants.

While Draxum is out there in his mutant faction negotiating a truce with the NCR that he will definitely break later until one day he just:

Draxum: I haven't seen the guys in a while, where are they?

Splinter: oh, they left to explore the wasteland about... Three months ago?

Draxum: THEY WHAT!!!

Geeze, you have a better attention span than me. I'm guessing a lot of that was a rundown on the events leading up to the Great War, and then obviously the events of each game and the different factions at play. That's a lot of summarizing you sat through.

A quick note for other people on the Brotherhood of Steel: their entire thing is preserving and controlling advanced technology, with some factions evolving to start developing it on their own. Their core dogma is that humanity can't be trusted with the means to destroy itself. Which...considering this is a universe where humanity literally did nuke itself to the brink of extinction, you can't really say they're wrong. They are also very cultish. Which Donnie would probably consider more of a bonus, honestly. Donnie can't join them unfortunately because they are racists. Their relationship with mutants and ghouls differ based on the chapter-the Mojave chapter is neutral towards the mostly peaceful Black Mountain super mutants until Tabitha takes over, and the East Coast chapters recruit from 'impure' wastelanders who all have minor mutations-but overall, they are very fucking racist and blood purity is a huge tenet of their beliefs. (I know there are mutant and ghoul members in Fallout: Brotherhood of Steel, but that's...we don't talk about that game. It's not canon and we generally pretend it didn't happen) The East Coast chapters probably wouldn't shoot Donnie on sight, but they would never accept his help nor acknowledge his brilliance, no matter how hard it smacks them in the face.

But oh my god, Donnie would pimp out power armor like a crazy man. He'd have such a fucking blast too, like it stops being about armor at some point and just starts being Pimp My Ride: Tin Can Edition. I could see him joining up with the Atom Cats to bitch about what pricks the Brotherhood are and doing the funkiest paint jobs.

They'd 100% accept Donnie immediately and invite him to their poetry night.

Also, lol Donnie getting access to the ZAX computer at Raven Rock and only using it to insert Shelldon into the mainframe.

I imagine he doesn't even delete Eden, he just lets him go on as normal and just occasionally interspersing his radio broadcasts with twenty-second clips of Shelldon doing a really derogatory impersonation. And occasionally subbing in heavy metal music.

I mean, maybe the Children of Atom do that? Not the original sect, they're pretty benign, but the guys running around shooting gamma guns at people and praying over nuclear dumping grounds? They imprisoned a Glowing One in a lighthouse and started worshipping it, those guys must be on some stuff. Or the guys living in the Crater, they could totally be having orgies where you don't see them. Then again, they do all have radiation poisoning. I feel like your skin sloughing off kills the mood.

I could see Leo joining to cross 'join a cult' off his bucket list, thinking it's just some kooky outfits and maybe he'll get to speak in tongues or whatever and it'll be a fun story to lord over Donnie later. The Children would probably think he's divine or something since he's immune to radiation and has such a powerful mutation. Which would stroke his ego so much.

But then people are drinking ghoul piss and irradiating themselves to the point of shitting out their bowels and he decides to nope out. Shit's too weird even for him. The question is whether the Children would let him leave.

Mikey is doing the same thing he is in Todd's mutant town, just playing Fallout 4 Settlement Builder and making the cutest little homesteads.

Raph would be mistaken for a super mutant a lot. And it would drive him crazy because under normal circumstances he would really like to be friends with some super mutants, but they're all so mean! Why are they all cannibals?! Yes, he likes to smash, but not so lethally!!

They do like dogs though, which Raph appreciates. He would absolutely adopt a mutant hound. (not a centaur though; those freak him out) And they're communists, though I feel like Raph is more of a capitalist-apologist. He's got the spirit, he's just ill-informed.

[cto10121]

Re-watching the New Moon movie and I have many Thoughts(tm), namely

Why is the cinematography is so warm toned compared to the first movie when New Moon is the most depressing book and truly the worst era of Bella’s young life: A Mystery in 2 Hours

At least Pattinson!Edward looks a little better than usual. They put him in these crisp suits. Very nice (Edit: Never mind, that awful Volturi bathrobe with the pasty-ass makeup was horrific yuck, yuck, yuck)

They just had to introduce Jacob this early on, didn’t they? And ofc Bella is much more emotive and gets all the witty dialogue with him (!!). In the books she is much more romantic and wittier with Edward as a whole. Jacob tended to bring out her immature side

“How come Jacob Black gets to give you a gift and I can’t?” “Because I have nothing to give back to you” Nice to know the screenwriter(s) still doesn’t understand the Bedward dynamic. And by nice I mean horrific

…What film version of R&J are they watching??? It’s not the ‘30s version and definitely not the ‘60s or ‘90s one. Is it the ‘70s BBC one? In the book it was the ‘60s version, which is the correct answer. Did they not get the rights? Also, also, why are the human characters much more affected by R&J than Bella and Edward????

“[Romeo] Killed his only love out of sheer stupidity” “Yeah” Oh no, no, no, no, movie, you are not going to make Bella, a close Romeo iteration, agree with Edward!!! Edward is meant to be 100% wrong by his take. Dumbass script!!!

Edward: “Eyes, look your last” 😐 Couldn’t Pattinson just inject a little bit more feeling into his line reading? Most of Edward’s objections were Romeo’s actions, not his suicide. These are the lines Edward can and should relate to.

The movie people garbing the Volturi in 18th century clothing when they are older than the Romans is just laughable

“Dating an older woman. Hot.” Okay, Emmett is 💯, no notes. Definitely erred on the side of frat boy, but you know what, it’s fun and ho boy do these movies lack it

Bella holding up her whole bloody finger in a coven of vampires 💀 Why, movie

Stewart!Bella’s chemistry with almost everyone else in the cast (that scene with Carlisle tending her wound!!!) but Pattinson!Edward confirms what I have known all along: Film and real life chemistry are very different and they shouldn’t be confused. The proof is in the celluloid.

I’m just going to call it: Stewart and Pattinson are modern subtle quirky actors playing what are essentially neo-Gothic star-crossed lover roles. They absolutely should never have been considered for these parts at all by a competent director. Absolutely not fitting at all

“You’re just not good for me.” Hmm, this is what Bella believes about herself, not Edward. I suppose Edward could have done it on purpose, but the fact that he was flabbergasted his lie worked indicates that he doesn’t. Movie just straight up portrays him as more manipulative than in the books, where he just lies baldly

Oh God the months-on-the-screen thing was terrible. This movie fails so much at portraying Bella’s depression, it hurts. It’s like visual SparkNotes

The Bella-writing-to-Alice device sucks. Not too badly, but still. We had her voiceover in the first movie without any problems but for this one, we need a justification? Also, it fuels the Bella/Alice fan dumb something awful

Really dislike the way they did Hallucination!Edward with the ghostly transparent effect. It’s corny and also…way to pass up a chance at some mystery and intrigue by just having Edward be there without any special effects (maybe keep the echoing voice). I guess they really didn’t want people confused and think he returned when he didn’t. But c’mon.

Movie Bella going off with the biker 🤮 Book Bella at her most insane would never. The only good thing about it is that it does lead to Bella having an interest in motorcycles. Efficient movie storytelling and all that.

“Bella, where the hell have you been, loca?” Wonder why this line became so meme-worthy. It’s by far not the worst (“spider monkey” is perhaps the most awful) and Lautner’s delivery was natural enough. Is it the random Spanish? It is random.

Bella is already smiling at her first scene with Jacob…this movie is just awful at selling her desolation. Meanwhile Jacob’s first thought was how awful Bella looked

The Quileute characters are well-cast and nicely played so far, and their banter is good. Emily especially is beautiful and her scar makeup was convincing. Great

Book: “He took off his shirt” Movie: He took off his ~~~~shirt 😍

Laurent’s arrival and his death should have been a much better and weightier scene than we got. God, the pacing is so bad in this movie. Jacob becomes a werewolf, Bella finds the meadow, Laurent suddenly arrives—all within a minute or so. Ugh

“As soon as you put the dog out.” Damn, why, movie? Book Alice did not begin the slurs until she was well and truly angry. But sure, let’s do some really obvious racebaiting 🙄

Whoa, whoa, whoa, Jacob KNEW he was talking to Edward and not Carlisle????? Movie, wtf? And all to save up on some screen time…sigh

Bella: “I can let you go now.” What. The. Fuck. Movie????? Not only could she not let Edward go, Bella never wanted to let him go. That was and had never been her arc!!! She would have gone to Edward regardless of anything!!! I hate this, I hate this oh GOD

No, I’m not done, I need another bullet point for this BS. The whole reason why Twilight was picked up to be adapted in the first place was because Hollywood execs saw “Ooh Romeo and Juliet with vampires 🤑” written all over this one…only for the actual filmmakers to just say, “Actually her whole ~journey this movie is letting go of Edward uwu” Poor Meyer…she just had to grin and bear it until she became the producer, I suppose

*Bella and Edward having a whole-ass conversation and making out* *Felix and Demetri watching in the shadows*: “So…should we interru—” “Don’t you DARE” “Felix” 🤣 I’m sorry, but this whole “I lied I do love you” convo should have been in the bedroom scene proper; there are literal Volturi about!!! Also, also, no “Amazing. Carlisle is right”!!! No Romeo quote!!!! Fie, for shame

Dakota Fanning as Jane…Well, probably not perfection, but she is great as usual. The Volturi got done so dirty overall, though—they look and act like Vampire Diaries rejects.

THAT ELEVATOR SCENE, OH GOD. So much meme potential. Why does this series keep injecting humor and comedy where there shouldn’t be and just ditching the actual humor and comedy of the actual books?????

Again, these Volturi gives me discount Vampire Diaries. Also, that chamber is so damn small. Where is the mystique, the grandiosity?There should be a crowd of vampires around, it’s their dinnertime.

Michael Sheen is just too British for the la tua cantante, lol. He also says something else (“Forse le vostre l’uno per altro”??? The accent is just too thick). He’s way too handsy (movie, they’re regular vampires who are sharks!!) but overall I guess his creepy-genteel approach works. Again, the cringy script fucks him over, as it does everyone. The movie has him touch Edward only now and not immediately when he meets him. Oh, God.

Edward just stumbling forward to Jane’s demonstration on Bella 💀 Jane saying “Pain” and Edward just standing there instead of collapsing 💀 Stewart!Bella freaking out and begging them to stop…actually, no, there she did very well, I liked it

Edward and Felix fighting ewwww…and with that awful slow-mo. What’s with these movies and including non-canonical battle shit???? Also, Aro would not order Bella’s execution if simply because he wants to collect Edward/Alice and Bella once she turns (it’s obvious she is a shield).

Of course fucking Alice speaks up at the very last minute before Aro chomps on Bella!!! When she would have had a vision of this exact scenario!!! This movie I swear!!!

THEY ACTUALLY SHOW THE VISION OF VAMPIRE BELLA, OH GOD. AND WITH THE CORNY SLOW-MO. KILL ME

“Once Alice changes me, you can’t get rid of me.” Okay, Movie Bella is officially more interested in immortality than Edward, the exact opposite of her book counterpart. Dishonor on your cow, Rosenberg.

“Jake, I love you.” Aaaaaand it’s official, the movies are definitely Team Jacob. Fuck you, too, movie

[fangbangerghoul]

This WIP Wednesday edition is going to be a little different this week!

Before I started Fleeting Pleasures, I looked to tumblr for Crimson Fleet ideas and my mutuals did not disappoint!

I remembered forever ago I promised I would eventually post a collection of their concepts and ideas for everyone to use and enjoy. So, in honor of being close to the end of my Crimson Fleet series I thought it was appropriate to share some of the inspiration I had received in the beginning!

This is going to be a collection of their suggestions and inspiration I used for my fic! along with some special thanks

(if your name is tagged you are tagged to post your WIP Wednesdays, yes I know I cheated.)

Crimson Fleet Hobbies:

@bearlytolerant: -They run around with jars of dirt and drink all the rum! -On a more serious note probably practice a niche hobby. -Definitely drinking and card games. -Brawls. -Getting tattoos. -Maybe giving tattoos. -Probably sex of all kinds.

@spookyspecterino : -Absolutely, hands down, gambling and card games. -They probably have like a deadpool thing going on, where they take bets on who will die during a robbery/job first. -Arm wrestling. -Knife fights. -Listening to metal/hard rock/grunge music. -Harassing ships on the edge of the settled systems for fun, not necessarily killing them, just getting really close to doing so and then leaving them stranded. -Also, playing fucked up pranks on one another

@freestarmantis : I like to think the fleet has invented their own entertainment also fight rings because who doesn't have combat sports these days

@5oh5 -100% getting and giving tattoos, maybe even once someone got pranked and they started one on him in his sleep and then he woke up and freaked so now it’s just a line that goes sideways 😂 definitely brawls and fights and drinking and card games. Is there a space version of mermaids? Lmao. Thanks for giving me more fun shit to think about as I work today 😂🖤

@aro-pancake : I had a DnD table of pirates once. It ended because of a awful player that almost made me cry on how much he was fucking shit up. It kinda popped back up with the idea of a Crimson Fleet DnD table, where they have to sail the Earth's seas and battle sea creatures. Also, it would be fun if they started it after finding a DnD set on a raided ship, and kept the owner as a DM

The fanfic that gave me the inspiration to write a Delgado/Sam/Ghoul fic in the first place:

Bear delivering the best Delgado shots and gifs:

Special shout out to these three individuals who proofread, beta read, stayed up late with me brainstorming, and just were as excited as I was to tell the story of Fleeting Pleasures! I am so honored to have a Scorpio gang like yall to help me see this to the end!

@spookyspecterino : I know she's been MIA but she has some of the best lines for Delgado, read her fic above and check out her masterlist!

@bearlytolerant : She is the pillar of the Delgado community and I stand by it! Her gameshots, GIFS, and HC's are my favorite in the buisness. Plus she makes me feel sane with how equally obsession she is to our King Pirate. Her work, Split Skin is an incredible ride so far!

@thatsgoodsquishy0 : She is such a talented writer and secretly a god tier editor. She helped with a lot of the direction and tone of my writing plus she is just so supportive! Her Fic: There is a Light That Never Goes Out is a masterpiece in the making!

[strongsadapologist]

what did strong sad ever do? if anyone you would need a strongbadapologist

(note: I headcanon strong sad as transfem and will be using she/her throughout this post out of habit, sorry if that's confusing)

SHE DIDN'T!!! that's the thing, she's done NOTHING TO JUSTIFY HOW SHE'S TREATED!!! at least not to the level that she's mistreated!! i'm going to have a TL;DR up front because dear god can i rant about how mistreated she is in the show!! and i will under the cut!! sorry if this takes a while to actually post it is after midnight and i have work in about five hours so i might stop writing in the middle of it!! but anyway back to the ask at hand!!

short version: i use "apologist" in the "i will defend this character with my heart and soul" way instead of the "they're bad in canon but i will ignore that because i like them" sort of way. i've seen a lot of people actually treat her character with the respect she deserves outside of canon but in canon she's constantly put down for things that are either out of her control or made worse by those around her, and because of this i will fight for her honor until i die. it is simply the role i have been destined to play /j

(edit: i'm also just terrible at coming up with names for things. i wanted to rebrand because my old blog name was based on an old fixation and i wanted it to represent how normal i am about homestar runner instead, strong sad is my favorite character so i wanted it to have something to do with her. and the best i could come up with was "strong sad apologist" because at the time of choosing it i'd only seen a few sbemails with her in them, but multiple were mean to her and i didn't understand why. so it's a mix of being bad at naming things and "strong sad apologist" sounding better than something like "strong sad simp" /hj)

long version: WHY DO SO MANY CHARACTERS AND PEOPLE IN THE SERIES TREAT HER BAD dude. like i'm sorry but literally the sixth strong bad email, the first one that she plays a major role in, is called "depressio" and the email reads "tell strong sad he is dumb and a crappy guy." what did she do to you?!? SIX EMAILS IN?!? h*r had been going before the strong bad emails became a series sure but BRO!!! i should clarify that i'm relatively new to h*r and have only seen the first 100 or so strong bad emails, and even fewer of the toons, but that's enough for me to be confident that she is horrifically mistreated. i've seen exactly one interaction where she wasn't being demeaned or put down in some fashion, and it's the scene from "where's the cheat?" where her and homsar are playing connect four. technically, in the ween toon where coach z asks about her beautiful house and beautiful wife, that's also a non-demeaning interaction, but it exists so they can make a reference to the talking heads, so i don't count it. and there could be more, but i either don't remember them or haven't seen them yet.

strong bad especially man, i don't understand what the hell his problem is. the argument could be made that he's mean to everyone, especially homestar and the cheat, but it's borderline uncomfortable to watch him onscreen when he decides that strong sad is apparently satan reincarnated, and he needs to haze her as much as possible to make sure she stays degraded enough to not rise up or whatever. i'm tired, i hope that makes sense. essentially, i hate whenever they're both onscreen, because it usually involves him being unnaturally cruel to her. whether it be putting her underwear up for auction to get her off the couch so he can watch tv, or putting coffee powder in her orange juice (i mean, it was decaf coffee powder, so that might just be her incredibly low caffeine tolerance, but the sentiment is still mean as hell), or using the fact that he put coffee powder in her orange juice to do a science fair project and having his end conclusion be that she's adopted, or throwing a cake in her face because she (rightfully based on the original email) assumes he's going to do something nice for her, he just can't fathom not being a dick to her. and the fact that it's implied that he gave her her belly button with a power drill...what the hell, man? i feel like a cartoon review youtuber talking about modern spongebob, this isn't even funny cruel. it's just cruel cruel.

i'm not going to pretend i dislike strong bad as a character. i think his character is at its best when he's done something douchey, but he gets rightfully called out for/put down for it. that's why i don't hate an email like stand-up like i do depressio. one feels like a rightful callout or a way to show the audience that a character who always portrays himself as an untouchable is embarrassingly human as well. the other feels like finding someone passed out in an alleyway and kicking them in the nuts instead of trying to help.

in her blog she mentions multiple times in which both strong bad and strong mad make her life worse, whether it be by having storm water drain into her room and right above her head, or by having strong mad kick/punch (i don't remember which one off the top of my head) her in the side of her knee, or by strong bad leaving sticky notes on her face while she's sleeping proclaiming how awesome he is before coming in and hijacking her blog. and that's just from one page of her blog! what's the meanest thing strong sad's done back, covering the series as a whole and not one offshoot of it? remove strong bad's couch eggs in morning routine? say that strong bad's computer that exploded and sent him flying through two walls into her room was cheap in gimmick? show the audience little strong bad's stand-up routine in stand-up? not go to the store because she went last time? that last one is from the first episode of strong bad's cool game for attractive people, homestar ruiner, and if you trigger this dialogue by opening the fridge, you can walk approximately 10 feet and find a house plant that belongs/belonged to strong sad, and strong bad tells the audience that the plant killed itself after strong sad started talking to it. and when she points out that that's not true, he says, to quote him verbatim, "that's not what the note said!" obviously, him doing things that are worse won't cancel out anything bad she's done. but that's irrelevant, because the most she's "done wrong" is say some slightly mean/insensitive comments towards strong bad and embarrasses him exactly one time that i'm aware of. is it wrong of her to show something that strong bad is clearly embarrassed by? sure, and that's a fair point. however, considering strong bad consistently participates in the strong sad lookalike contest, which she says she's insulted by (and excited by, but that's less important), i consider it completely fair game.

in my eyes, her only crimes are A. having depression (which is obviously not her fault, and it's implied that she's being medicated to help with her depression [i assume that's what her pills are for, anyway], so she's potentially making an effort to lessen her depressive symptoms), B. being depressing as a result of her mental illness (which is only exacerbated by living in a home where her housemates/siblings seemingly hate her and treat her like dirt, only having one person not actively be mean or indifferent to her), C. being overweight (which i shouldn't even have to explain why that, in no way, means she should be treated as subhuman), and D. being artsy/having interests (which she does more in newer h*r content as a way to flesh out her character besides just being depressed/depressing, so it's very unclear what strong bad actually wants besides a punching bag). i'd like to imagine that if she ever realizes her worth and moves away from the house of strong, potentially even free country usa as a whole, she'd find people who'd actually appreciate her for her creativity, either agree with or try to lighten her gothic outlook on life, and wouldn't try to sell her legs to poachers.

(...but i'm also wearing a shirt with her on it as i write this, so take all of this with a grain of salt. for reference, she also says the line "food should be consumed in the most depressing way possible" in her blog, and i just ate a bowl of pizza rolls while sitting on my floor at 1 in the morning, so maybe i'm quick to defend her because some stuff just rings too close to home for me to not defend it, lest they talk down on me by condemning things i do. especially since i actually like sloshy, which i'm pretty sure exists just to point out that strong sad's music taste is bad [and so's mine, to be fair]. i could be completely misinterpreting that, and sorry if i am. but i'm mostly partial to her for the same reason i'm partial to characters like meatwad - they're picked on for illegitimate reasons by a douchebag brother figure, and they don't deserve that at all. i could treat them right, in a platonic way. if you actually read all of this, i not only thank you, i also hope this makes some amount of sense. i am very tired. it is currently 1:54 am at the time of writing this out. i need to be at work in four hours. i've spent almost two full hours writing this one post out. i am SO fucking normal)

[barlowstreet]

I am so fucking proud of you! May I ask how your group project ended up going?

Thank you!!!

Honestly yeah I have tea, let's spill.

Under a cut for long math drama because WOW that a whole thing

Alright, so for anyone who missed it, the group project assignment was fairly simple. It was literally just pick an article about mathematical modeling (he suggested using covid 19 as a topic), read it, present our findings to our class. Four people in my group, 10 minute long at most presentation, could have all probably be done in 30 minutes, right? We started this March 20th and it was due April 10th, today.

I picked the article, sent it to my group partners, they were like "yeah sure that works". I set up a word document through office 365 which we all have access to through our school that we could all just put our notes in and I put my part in March 20th. And then I took a whole bunch of cold medication because that was when I was sick.

Then no one did anything. I emailed them again reminding them, hey, we do gotta do this April 5th. The one girl did hers that day. The guy in my group did his April 7th. I also made a powerpoint at that point because I was like "I am not just talking to the camera here, I need a prop". (I get camera shy and do a lot better if I have props.)

The other girl in my group? The last email I got from her was never. She never replied to a single one of my emails. We talked in class once in a breakout room, where I said "I will email you all, I have no voice and am very sick and it's probably easier to just use email" and she was like, "Yeah, sounds good." So to be clear, she knew I was going to email her.

I get to class today and the guy in my group is not there. Okay, sure, fine, one of us can read his part. GirlA messages me in the zoom chat and is like "did GirlB ever send you anything?" and I have to be like, "No. I have a slide with just her name on it, do we want to just be petty and pause on it for a moment when we get there?" and she was like "Yeah tbh she didn't reply to any of our emails and do any work, what else do we do".

(Meanwhile we were talking about grades and GirlB asks the instructor why he never gave her a time slot to do one of our quizzes. It was a take home quiz. He said that SEVERAL times in class but I suspect she isn't actually there a decent amount, she just opens the zoom link and does other things. But our classes are recorded. Watch the recording at least?)

And then GirlB messages me. At 7:25pm. And says, "I sent you my notes."

My class, I will tell anyone who doesn't know, is 6:30pm to 9:30pm. We were in class. Other people were presenting, and I'm frantically adding things to the powerpoint presentation that I made. AND she somehow didn't actually change the online version of the powerpoint (because I enabled editing for that too) so she had to send it to me.

And she sent it as a PDF.

Anyways, me and GirlA sounded like we knew what we were talking about. I fake being good at speaking well and she made a good joke that made her seem a little more relaxed. I will say that the other girl did send me a couple of diagrams which made things look nice, but she really struggled with presenting it and sounded very awkward.

Oh and the guy showed up literally in the middle of our presentation, which, you know, I'll take since I didn't have to present his part.

We sorta could tell that GirlB handed in a bunch of assignments technically late and her grade was probably Not Good so honestly the fact that we all got 100% on the presentation probably did her a lot of good.

And I swear to god, most of it is because people are impressed by powerpoint. GirlA, when we were gossiping, she thanked me for doing "all that work" on the powerpoint when, like, it took me 10 minutes because I downloaded a vaguely math-y looking powerpoint theme XD So, life lesson, a good looking powerpoint presentation will take you a long way.

[joyeeuxe]

Reading Chong Yue operator file

(with some, i mean a lot of commentary)

I really adore him ughhhh, a good big brother we finally deserve

I used google translate to tl texts from aceship so it might not be 100% accurate, keep it in mind. Will edit here and there if i find more reliable translations

And let's see

Chong Yue works as martial instructor (he taught wushu) in RI

Ling requested Doctor not too overwork.assign him to many missions since Chong Yue came to RI to rest

Chong Yue files censored his combat skill test result as ■■

His medical test indicates that he has normal body, a very well worked out one (the one who wrote seems kinda thirsty lmao)

Archive 1

He has strict morning exercise routines everyday and because he teaches martial art, everyone learning with him are expected to follow his routine

NIAN ROPED HIM INTO HER MOVIE PROJECT LMAO

Everyone noted that he is just a normal guy™ compared to his little sisters

They said he is gentle and nice person auhwhdwjjs da ge

Archives 2

Initially other OPs are avoiding him because they think he is a serious person

But then when other OPs discovered he have many hobbies (wood carving, literature, poetry and brewing coffee etc) they started to invite him to various said activities and got shocked when he accepted their invitation lmaoo

He is interested in modern cultures and open to try new things

When he joined the movie production, he learned how the technologies relating to film making in two months 😭 he's a fast learner huh

EVERYONE BASICALLY SAYING HE IS OLD BUT NOT REALLY A TECH BOOMER HELLPP

Archives 3

Nian said that Dusk was reluctant (?) To see Chong Yue when he visited, so she created a painting of her and a hut with surrounding mountains (she basically trapped Chong Yue inside her painting for a whole night). And by the morning, Chong Yue basically shattered the painting and Dusk asked when did he find out, he replies he knows from the start because which big brother that doesn't recognize his little sister? (Chong Yue knows that the 'Dusk' accompanying throughout they day/night was just a painting) and Nian commented that Chong Yue was playing along just to make Dusk happy

Chong Yue was trying to persuade Dusk to go and live with him and Ling at the frontline (basically he doesn't want her to be lonely and a shut in) but he failed yeah lol

(AUGGH MY HEART DA GEEEE 😭)

Nian mentioned that when Chong Yue wakes up (as a Sui fragments, he sealed himself and molded a mortal body, it seems that Chong Yue is in mortal body and the rest of his siblings are not because Nian said that the 2nd brother will try to get Chong Yue to teach him how to do that after knowing this secret) seems like his 2nd brother knows how to do it too

Apparently the sword on his tail is where he sealed his true form??

Archives 4

This archives talks about Chong Yue wanting to retire after defending Yumen for so long

It said that Chong Yue hates killing the most yes he is the one who did killing the most too (the war and all)

He has acquaintances with many people, but the more acquaintances he has, the fewer he knows (god this sounds so sad...ahjbfjhef)

Chong Yue expressed that he loves the mortal world so much and wished that the world to stay in peace (as in not let Sui get revived and wreck more havoc and no more war i guess). That he is no longer 'Shuo' (his real name) but now 'Chong Yue' (his mortal name) because Chong Yue is a part of this mortal world (CRIESS)

[withered-rose-unbreakable-lotus]

Well hello there! Are you lost?

This is a pinpost for all you mobile users, so that you know what you're getting into, if you're pondering whether to follow me or not and browsing blogs isn't your thing.

Name's Maria, I'm the artist kind that mamas of creative kids warn them they'll end up being if they pursue the arts and a down bad fangirl of 100s of things.

For artists coming across this and wondering what's my deal, here're a few things you need to know:

I'm a writer of a horror/dark fantasy baby series that turnt 13 this year. Currently editing book 1. Inspired by my love for visual kei and horror, the plot revolves around a bunch of demons who were made specifically to defeat God's army after the fall of Lucifer, but wished a life beyond being weapons, escaped, got cursed, and you get to see what they are up to, these days, through the series. It's a quest for freedom and claiming your right to be yourself no matter what anyone says. Being proud of who you are and the life you chose to live.

[side note: My focus on personal freedom to be who you are isn't about things you were born with, like skin color, sexuality etc, so much, but another common thing that keeps many people trapped in themselves and in societies that force you to be one thing. It's about chosen ways of life, such as clothing style, having piercings or tattoos, weight (ok this one isn't alway a choice), how active one's sexual life is, if you're having babies or not in life. etc.]

Here's a lovely visual of the title for you:

Which leads to another art I've touched;

Digital art. I hate how I always have to specify this but most non artist people, when they hear digital artist, they think of people who draw, illustrators. While I'm trying to learn that too, and I do use a bit of painting in my works, this isn't my main focus. I am a photomanipulator, another category of digital art, the artists of which connect various stock pictures together and makes new pictures. Like this one (the logo is old, ignore it):

That means I also make graphics. I've made gifs and edits for my vkei faves before. You can find them under the tags #my gif & #my edit accordingly.

Video editing. I've returnt to my childhood passion recently but muscle memory is doing well. I unfortunately can't afford the things I'd really like to film so I resolved to vtubing. I'm @LadyHawthorn on Youtube if you wish to find me and I'm doing a variety of things cause I hate being forced to do one thing all the time. I mainly post myself playing Reverse: 1999 and theorizing on it, but I like doing reactions on Genshin Impact new content when I get it on time (I can't play unfortunately cause it requires different equipment) too. I also occasionally do movie reactions and will soon try anime too. Other stuff I'm interested in doing are: writing videos, more asmr if people show more interest and eventually hopefully talk about my book series and the lore of my vtuber character, when I can afford an animation for her.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

For non-artists coming across this, now.

Right off the bat, I'd like to say I'm a big horror fan so if you're a minor I'd suggest you stayed away, cause I might eventually post sth you shouldn't see. I grew up with horror personally and I don't really get the whole "cover scary stuff and blood from kids" but because some of you might be more sensitive to that than I was, better safe than sorry. Again I find this a bit too much cause horror didn't hurt me growing up, real life did, but yeah, you do what's comfortable for you.

Other interests we might have in common:

Music. I listen to lots of music but I'm more religiously following visual kei artists the past 13 years. If you like photos of vkei artists, you might find something you like on my navigation page. If you don't see your favorite band at the sections with pictures, try the "Other fav artists" or "Other Vkei bands/Solos" sections or straight up write it on my blog link with "/tagged/favorite band's name".

Movies. I watch a lot of movies, you can find some of my favorites on my about page, but some notable examples that have fandoms are:

Addams Family

Late 80s to early 00s romcoms and school movies

Silent Hill

Visual Kei movies

Anything with Johnny Depp and Helena Bonham Carter in them (I no longer like Johnny but the projects he chose to act in are still masterpieces)

Tokyo Revengers live action

Kamikaze Girls

The Devil's Rejects

Ti West's X, Pearl, Maxxxine

Step Up movies (I used to dance once :P)

Musicals (stuff like Chicago, Moulin Rouge, Repo! The Genetic Opera, etc.)

I also am a Supernatural, Friends, Helluva Boss and American Horror Story fan (although I haven't managed to watch all seasons on the first and last one, they stopped broadcasting at my country and couldn't find them online without viruses after that)

Anime. Again I watch a lot but not many of the very famous ones. Some of the biggest names I'm a fan of are:

Danganronpa (never joined the fandom before so no worries I won't come for your ships)

Re:zero

Pokemon (haven't watched all seasons though),

Nanatsu No Taizai (stopped when Meliodas and Elizabeth had a kid cause they ruined the romance for me xD)

Demon Slayer

And I also love Diabolik Lovers, Toilet-bound Hanako and Houseki no Kuni. And Yu-Gi-Oh. I still got to finish that one.

Jdorama. I'm sorry I've only watched 3 Kdramas and stopped. My heart's in Japan xD. I have watched many things, including pretty much everything Oguri Shun has done, many MatsuJun stuff, I loved Alice in Wonderland and I'm in desperate need for new jdramas to watch that aren't some cheesy romance or another police story. ._.

Videogames. I'm a Genshin Impact, Reverse: 1999 and Nikke enthusiast, you can talk to me about these all day every day I wouldn't mind. I'm also a huge Silent Hill and Final Fantasy X & X-2 fan (before the HD version that basically ruined the story and I don't consider it canon. -_-)

Any other interests? Well I sing. If you like singing we can enjoy chatting about our favorite vocals and struggles of singing xD. However I know nth about music theory so please be kind to me. I only tried 1 semester of vocal training and 1 year of music production and I dropped both so....let's keep it on the fun side of singing and not sweat the technical stuff much, kay? ^^'>

That's all. If you made it this far, I applaud you for your patience and wish you a wonderful day! ^^/

[drifting-pieces-blog-blog]

Breaking down the comics: The break down.

Moon Knight, Issue #9: Vengeance in Reprise! 

Oh this one. I'm so excited you guys. 

There is so much going on here. 

We start with dramatic storm clouds and Moon Knight doing his angsty silhouette pose. 

We see a newspaper that says "Bushman Escapes Prison". 

Marc laments that Bushman is the most dangerous man he's ever faced. Since Bushman knows who he was before he became Moon Knight, there is a high likelihood that he would hunt him down and kill everyone he cares about. 

You see, Bushman was Marc’s commander while he was a mercenary. He trained Marc, taught him how to handle different situations he wasn’t used to, how to be tough, and how to be as ruthless as you needed to be to survive a situation. 

I think there is respect and fear there. Like going up against your old teacher. You idolized them and saw them as the big powerful being and maybe you disagree with them now, it’s still hard to stand up to them. 

So we see him do his dramatic thing of crashing through windows. He does this a lot. Moon Knight is all about the dramatic entrance. If there's a door or a window, he will pick the window 100% of the time. 

He busts up a casino to harass some guys that might know where Bushman is. 

Cut to Grant Mansion. The butler, Samuels, is asking Marlene if she really believes that Marc died and was brought back with the soul of the moon god. 

She admits that she did indeed see him dead. 

"There are two possibilities... One: The spirit of the Moon God actually entered his body and reanimated him. Or Two: He revived naturally and, seeing Khonshu, he merely convinced himself -- in delirium-- that he'd been possessed by the God of the Moon's Vengeance." 

She doesn't answer which one she believes in. She notes that "It doesn't matter. Either way, the statue changed him." 

We did get to see some classic Moon Knight fighting style in this. Crescent darts, his truncheon stick, punching, and utter disregard for his own body as he just constantly throws himself at people and takes hits. 

The people in the casino claim not to know where Bushman is and one of them gets away. Moon Knight follows and changes into Lockley's outfit to follow in his cab. 

Back at the mansion, we see Marlene asleep in bed. 

A shadow falls over her and she wakes, thinking Steven has returned, only to find someone else there. 

She screams and it wakes up Frenchie. Frenchie comes running with his gun and crashes into someone fleeing. 

The intruder is gone and Frenchie fears it was Bushman, but Marlene says it wasn't. It was some guy in a monster mask. 

I would love to see more Frenchie action, honestly. He was a comrade of Marc and worked under Bushman too. The man has skills. He can drive any vehicle and engineers the hell out of making a giant moon shaped thing fly. COME ON. The man is a genius and deserves more time. 

They search the mansion and find the Statue of Khonshu is gone! 

"I don't like it, Frenchie. Steven relies far too much on that statue -- Beyond mere harmless superstition. He says it gives him strength--Life, and coupled with his schizophrenia, his four way personality hang-up..." 

(That hurt me to type.) 1980, everyone. If you had a personality disorder, hallucinated, or acted in certain ways, they label you a schizophrenic. 

I'm not sure if Multiple Personality Disorder was even the common term for DID back then. 

I just googled it: 

Multiple Personality Disorder (MPD) was first introduced in DSM-III in 1980 and re-named Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) in subsequent editions of the diagnostic manual (American Psychiatric Association, 2013). 

OKAY. So. This is why early Moon Knight is going to use this uncomfortable language. 

We can't blame them for using the wrong terms and we can't go after them for that. Up to that point, it was seen as a form of schizophrenia and various other illnesses. 

We CAN get upset about the inappropriate way it's handled. The way Marlene uses it as a sort of insult. A way to say "He's not normal and it's getting worse." 

We can also get angry at the other writers that took over in the years that followed. ESPECIALLY more current volumes that took place after 2013. (ELLIS. BEMIS. AARON. I'm looking at you! I'm giving a mighty side eye to Bendis 2011-2012 run. 2009-2012 Hurwitz barely gets a pass and I know they used that language a lot. Huston, as much as it pains me, 2006-2009, you get a stern glance because I know you used the hell out of that language and other very insulting terms.)

RIGHT. The story! So, we've been watching the boys slowly evolve. We've also been watching them start to fight a little. Little cheap shots, little disagreements. Marc is the only one so far that has flat out refused to acknowledge that there is a problem and that Steven and Jake aren't just him in disguise. 

In fact, Marc is often found looking at the statue, talking to it, or asking it for strength and power to do what needs to be done. 

So for Frenchie and Marlene to be a little panicked about the missing statue, it's pretty valid. 

We then see Nedda (the cook in the mansion) come in screaming about Samuels. 

Samuels has been taken! 

Jake calls into the mansion to check the Bushman files and gets an earful from Marlene about the break in. 

Jake tells her to "Keep your wig on, Lady" as he has one more thing to check out before he heads home. 

Frenchie asks if it was Marc on the phone. 

"Yes, but calling as Jake, and I prefer to think of him as Steven. Each of us calling him a different name certainly doesn't help..." 

"You told him Samuels was missing, but you said nothing about zee statue." 

"I told you, he places too much importance in it. His mental state is precarious enough...Better he doesn't suffer the statue's loss in a crisis situation -- Not when he's already set for a fall..." 

So what bothers me is that everyone can see the system starting to spiral. They see Marc's unsafe coping mechanisms and they see them starting to struggle. The system is rebelling and I honestly think it’s Marc causing the upset. His self destruction is starting to hurt them and it’s making the others have to work double time, not to mention them starting to define themselves. 

It’s like they’ve all been masking for so long that they’ve forgotten how to be themselves and now that they feel free to, there’s a huge upheaval and no one knows what job to do. 

Yet they do nothing but try to enforce on him normalization and keeping things from him. 

It's like they all agreed that he's in a dangerous situation so they better not point it out to him. Looney Tunes logic. 

Meanwhile, Jake is checking out some suspicious cars he was following when he finds... A manhole. 

Sewer count? 2. 

Back at the mansion, while Moon Knight is a sewer man... 

Marelene suddenly realizes who stole the statue. 

ANTON MOGART, also known as MIDNIGHT MAN. 

He showed up in an earlier comic I didn't write up. He's an obsessive art collector that Moon Knight stopped. In their battle, Mogart went over a cliff, but Moon Knight knew he wasn't dead. 

When Mogart went over the cliff, he ended up in the Manhattan river where he was swept to a sewer plant. The chemicals in the water melted his face. 

Mogart blames Moon Knight for losing his art collection and his face. 

(I’ve honestly never found Mogart that impressive as a villain. He’s always struck me as a little Phantom of the Opera wanna be that lacks the dramatic flare of Eric. Especially now that his face is melted. He wears an opera cape for fucks sake!) 

His revenge starts with him showing Moon Knight the stolen statue of Khonshu, which he drops off a platform to watch it shatter. 

"Moon Knight suddenly feels weak...Drained...Almost lifeless...and certainly without soul...." 

If he believed he had been created as Moon Knight because of the statue, it must surely have crossed his mind that his very life was caught up in that statue. Without the statue, would he continue to exist as Moon Knight? Would he still live? Would his resurrected body suddenly perish? 

He doesn't have much time to react as Mogart starts shooting at him. He moves and evades the bullets easily. 

"Soon the terrifying loss of his soul-totem will return to him... Soon the destruction of Khonshu will haunt him with festering doubt... But not now. Not yet. He is still primed with rage, fueled by adrenaline. Without even realizing it, and statue or no, he is still the moon's avenger of death. And as such, he is indomitable." 

That's some good narration. 

He easily defeats Mogart only to have Bushman show up with Samuels. 

He takes a jab at Moon Knight, saying that with the god statue gone, he has no hope of survival. 

He then opens a hole to a flooded chamber and tosses Samuels into the flowing water. 

Issue #10: Too Many Midnights

Moon Knight is faced with a choice. Save Samuels, stop Bushman, or save his statue god. 

Bushman takes a moment to reminisce. "Do you remember how it all started, Moon Knight, back when you still called yourself Marc Spector, back when we were both in Africa -- When I was the hardened leader and you were a too-soft follower?" 

He used to boast to Marc that the only way to survive as a mercenary was to inflict fear as the supreme weapon. 

He accuses Moon Knight of using the visage of the Avenger of Death to inflict fear on his enemies. 

"You've lost the 'soul' possessing you." 

Moon Knight feels "the loss of life...A spiritual vacuum." 

If we look at Moon Knight as his own alter that was created out of the stress and trauma of dying in the desert that night, I can only imagine what this idea is doing to him. 

The thing that he views as giving him life is gone and his reason to exist is gone. 

His spiritual guide. The thing that defined him. 

Elsewhere, Marlene and Frenchie have tracked Jake's cab down and entered the sewers in a desperate search for him. 

Bushman locks them into the flooding room and leaves. Samuels pleas for Moon Knight to act and get them out of there. 

"But Moon Knight remains locked in his dull trance..." 

Mogart is still there and he snaps Moon Knight out of it. 

He attempts to dig out some bricks to open a hole. 

The water rises over his head and still he struggles, lamenting that his strength is gone with Khonshu. 

Mogart calls out to Samuels: 

"What's he doing? You know him better than I..." 

"I'm afraid I don't know him better than you---I don't think anyone truly knows him." 

Do any of them really know Moon Knight? 

Frenchie knows Marc. Marlene and the staff at the mansion know Steven. Jake has all his friends at the diner. 

But what does Moon Knight have? 

Mogart and Samuels slip through the freshly made hole but Moon Knight dives for the statue pieces. 

Being pulled through the current and through the hole, his cloak catches on the bricks and is ripped from him. 

Issue 1, the cloak is the original shroud that was draped over the Khonshu statue. The first thing Marc did on being resurrected was to wrap himself in that cloak and declare himself a servant of Khonshu. 

The removal of the cloak at this time is another symbolic blow to him. He has lost his god and been stripped of his vestiges. 

Frenchie and Marlene stumble across the cloak and instantly think Marc is dead. 

Here we see a man spiritually defeated. 

He believes he was alive because of Khonshu. He also believed that Khonshu was in the statue and in him. 

With the statue gone, he doesn't have reason to believe that he is alive anymore. 

If Marc died in the desert, then who is he now? 

"I'm nothing... Everything to everyone, but nothing to myself..." 

That's an interesting sentence. 

He has put so much on being everything but he never knew who he was. 

Welcome to a severe dissociative state. 

Marc wanders off, and I do believe it's Marc here. Marc is the one of the four that has yet to declare "I am Marc Spector and this is who I am." He's stayed in the back so long, hiding and pretending he didn't exist. 

He's been shocked to the front and he can't get out. 

So we get images that are both hilarious and also very sad, of a man wandering off cradling the head of Khonshu while muttering about how he is nothing. 

Samuels makes his way back to the mansion and delivers the good news that Moon Knight is alive! but also having a pretty nasty breakdown. 

"He seems to have suffered some kind of breakdown! He saved my life, but could only say what a failure he is -- a fake. I... I'm not sure he'll be home...for some time..." 

Classic Marc Spector. He can only see the bad in himself and all his deeds. 

Marlene calls up Gena and asks them all to get in with Jake's contacts and search for him. 

"Gena! You and Crawley know his Jake Lockely Personality better than anyone -- But remember that he may be in bad shape. He may not even know who he is..." 

Well... at least she acknowledges that Jake is not Steven... It's a start... 

Marc is missing for 3 days while they search the city. 

And here we get some of my favorite Marc moments. This man... This man is DRAMATIC. 

Marc...What are you doing...? 

Aside from the comical Hamlet reference, we do gleam some existential crisis out of this. Saying to Khonshu how he knew him “so well that you became me and I you…and together we became many men, all without souls…” 

What makes up a soul? Does Marc believe he isn’t worth his soul after the life he has chosen? Does he wonder if they each are capable of having their own souls? 

Marc, who has rejected his Rabbi father’s teachings, questioning suddenly what spirit can live in him, who has rejected god, killed men, and taken up an idol outside of his faith. 

He thinks he is nothing. He can’t feel his own existence and can’t justify his existence to himself. He’s having a fun time. And you just know that Steven and Jake are probably having a fit in there trying to pull Marc from the front seat before he does something stupid. 

Yeah so... Bushman is using this time to CRIME WAVE. 

I just want to point out that for the second time, we see the drug of choice is Heroin. 

1980s. This was the drug moving in the streets at that time, overdosing and killing people. 

It wasn't until mid to late 80s that Cocaine took over. Just a fascinating little tidbit of social history that you can find in the comics. 

You guys…. As much as seeing Marc being a trashman under newspapers in a public park talking to the head of Khonshu really highlights who he is… Holy shit you guys…

"Never even knew my brother, Khonshu, let alone myself. ...Rand was his name... Randall Spector... Died right around here... Right here in central Park... And I couldn't even stop it... He almost killed Marlene... And maybe I killed him.... I don't know... Probably doesn't matter... I'm a loser anyway... But maybe it was Moon Knight who really killed him.. .Or maybe even Lockley... But not Grant, I don't think... No, Never Grant..." 

THIS is everything. This is the MCU show. This is Lemire. This is where it all comes from! 

Marc can’t see himself in all of this. He’s lost sight of who he is. He’s tried so hard to be nothing that he can’t tell when he was himself and he was someone else. 

The death of his brother (I will go back and cover this later. It’s important I just… It will come later.) really affected him. Perhaps Randall was what was left of Marc’s past before he left. Perhaps Randall was what he defined as Marc Spector and the very nature of Randall dying was him killing the past. There is so much trauma there. So much trauma he refuses to face. So much pain and regret. 

Up to this point, we have only seen the violence of his days in the military and mercenaries. It isn’t till much later when Elias dies that we see some of the regret and pain Marc has in his childhood, but even then we don’t see it all. 

So who killed the past? Was it Marc? Was it Moon Knight? Was it Jake? Marc certainly seems to think Jake has it in him to fight and kill. Jake does have a temper at times. Jake also resents Marc and blames him for all the death and pain that trickles down. Much like the death of Crawley’s son. 

Moench never gets deep into Marc’s childhood. He doesn’t cover the trauma. He doesn’t show when the others really started to show up, only when the system became aware of itself. But one has to wonder. 

It’s clear that Moon Knight was created when they died. Jake feels new. Even in Lemire’s run, he mentions that Jake is a lot newer than the others. Jake feels like he came about when they took up residence in New York, (hence why we see him in the last issue finding himself with the mustache.) Perhaps a response to trying to start his life over. A spiritual protector and desire for friends and companionship? It’s hard to tell with Jake because each writer does Jake differently, but he’s certainly not been around as long as the others. 

But Steven does NOT feel new. He’s never felt new. He’s too angry at Marc. He is too stern about his name. Even too critical of Jake. Perhaps Steven wasn’t always aware of who he was, but he feels older. 

Considering the role Steven plays later with the death of Elias (see my other comic breakdowns for that), Steven feels like he’s been with Marc for a long time. 

Marc had to have been aware that something was wrong. I think Marc knew. Even from the beginning, I think Marc knew. Maybe he forgot as a sense of self preservation. Maybe he just refused to believe it. 

I think what I love about re-reading the original comics is that I have the gift of having read everything before. I know what’s coming and where things are taken by other writers. It can be both frustrating and also eye opening. 

I’m going to reach a bit into the future with Lemire. “But not Grant. [....] Never Grant.” 

Never Grant. 

Anyways… 

“Fine upstanding pillar of respectable capitalism that he is…” Possibly a jab. Marc and Steven argue the most. They disagree the most. Maybe Marc doesn’t believe Steven is capable of violence. That he’s too peaceful. 

Like his father. The son his father wanted. The good jewish boy that he should have been. 

But that last part… “Knows…” What does Steven know? Where was Marc going with that? 

The last panel hurts me. All the friends there, and all calling him Steven. Enforcing the ‘normal’ on him. Look how small, vulnerable, and miserable he looks there. 

“Marlene says you’re home now.” But that isn’t Marc’s home. Marc is not welcome there. 

"No... Not home... This is Grant's home. I'm not Grant... I'm nobody... Nothing..." 

Marc protests. He knows he isn't them. He is still stuck. He tries so hard not to be there. To be nothing so he doesn't have to feel things. So he doesn't have to question if he even exists anymore. 

Marlene does try to help.

"Listen to me, Steven -- You are someone! You're exactly what you've chosen to be -- A strong man determined to make up for the evil you once did. You're not Lockley or Grant or even Moon Knight. They're just your tools... Names and identities you use to accomplish your goal." 

She pushes it. She means well. She pushes that Marc is just a man that is trying to make up for the evil he did. That he's strong and chosen to live a better life. 

"I understand... But you're wrong, Lady... It's no use... You loved a fake. Because I don't know who I really am... Other than a four-faced fake, Like the four phases of the moon, and the phoney Moon God, Phoney Khonshu...A fake all along..." 

Marlene is upset and reveals a new Khonshu statue. 

She claims that when she took over managing the mansion, she had a fake plaster Khonshu statue made while the real statue was kept locked up in a safe place. 

She uncovers the statue, much to Marc's shock. 

She tells him that it's all been in his head. That he did this all to himself and that the statue was always still there, so his loss of power was just in his head. 

Marc looks unsure but pleased. 

This... this bothers me. I'll get to that later. But it really bothers me. 

Five nights later, Crawley has news about Bushman and gives them the address. 

Marlene asks him if he's ready to face Bushman again. 

"Physically, yes. Mentally, I still find it all hard to believe and I may be shaky for a while, but I'm as ready as I'll ever be." 

Marlene hands over his old cloak and he's off. 

He tracks down Bushman and gives chase. 

Marc taunts him, telling him to remember certain fights and moves that Bushman taught him. 

Bushman says he is still the stronger man and Marc knocks him out. He's now the better fighter. 

Back at the mansion, Marc is staring up at the statue. 

"Tell me the truth, Marlene. Was the shattered one the replica, and this one the original? Or did you have a replica made after the original was destroyed?" 

"If it really matters to you, dear Steven, you can always have that one carbon-dated..." 

He says he'd rather not know and she tells him it was all in his head. 

"Maybe there was too much in my mind... But it's been cleared out, Marlene, thanks to you. I think." 

And in the last panel he gives an uncertain look at the statue as Marlene kisses him. 

So why be so worried about the statue being stolen if she knew it was a fake? Why not tell him right away? Why go through all the trouble? 

She lied to him. She lied to him to make him feel like it was all in his head. Rather than try to talk it out, find the nature of his worries and trauma about not existing or having a soul and help him. 

Instead she lets him believe that everything is fine, enforces that he’s just one guy confused about who he is, and that the others are just him trying to be better. It implies that Marc has it settled and ‘under control’ now. 

This man is the furthest from ‘under control’. If anything, he’s going to sink deeper into himself and bring more harm to them. 

In fact, in the comics to come, the wedge between them is only going to grow. None of that was okay. The lie was not okay. 

So let’s address the big stupid bird in the room: What is Khonshu? 

I don’t think the original comics knew. They often describe the statue as having a strange presence, often making it look like it’s smiling or watching them. 

Marc even claims that he tries to be Khonshu as a way to know himself. That Khonshu knows him the best. 

It’s possible that the spirit of Khonshu did come back with Marc. That it looked into him and saw Marc and the potential there. “Like the four phases of the moon”. Perhaps Khonshu was just biding his time? Testing Marc? Building his power? 

A theory that crosses my path and mind now and then is that Khonshu is another alter. Maybe at first? A way to hold power and control over his life? A being that is above the sins and cruelness of the world? An endless companion that can see into them and guide them? That can control Marc when he is at his worst? 

We’ll see as the comics continue and Khonshu starts to become his own character. 

[deadwright]

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45 posts created (0%)

9,548 posts reblogged (100%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@do-you-have-a-flag

@his-name-is-ed

@grandmastattoo

@buglovescas

@wizardmullet69

I tagged 8,369 of my posts in 2022

Only 13% of my posts had no tags

#our flag means death - 1,131 posts

#spn - 1,021 posts

#stranger things - 999 posts

#star wars - 336 posts

#the mandalorian - 231 posts

#obi wan kenobi - 202 posts

#joseph quinn - 138 posts

#mcr - 129 posts

#succession - 128 posts

#goncharov - 120 posts

Longest Tag: 140 characters

#he's soooo beautiful i would've blushed my way through the entire shopping experience and consciously tried not to buy anything embarrassing

I sent 1 gift in 2022

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

147 notes - Posted February 18, 2022

#4

hey!! sorry to bother but I was wondering if you have read any steddie fics at all or that you enjoyed..... I am very afraid of going into the tag without guidance and wanted to ask if you have any recs (I follow very little people in the fandom) !! :o) thank u anyways hope u have a good day

hello bestie! you're so right tbh i'm fighting for my life in this tag, but here are all the steddie fics that i really like so far (under the cut):

You Children Of Today (Are Children of the Grave) by CaptainHoney (E)

Fall Forever (and Never Look Behind) by CaptainHoney (E)

aka @grandmastattoo: chief steddie understander and purveyor of incredible fics and playlists. this series is my top favourite ever!!!!!

Promethean by CaptainHoney (E)

the tags say dead dove do not eat but boy did i FEAST

Whole Lotta Love by stereobone (E)

one of my favourite writers, all their fics are fantastic. speaking of:

Keep It for Me by stereobone (E)

i'm going to blame the full sobbing wailing breakdown i had over this on the fact that my wedding is also coming up, but who's going to believe me? certainly not me.

Some Things Cosmic by stereobone (E)

this got me in my feelings so bad oh my GOD i would do anything to make this real

Play It Right by stereobone (E)

every little character detail of this is just. i could chefs kiss until my fingers bleed about it all.

You're the Driver, You're the Road by stereobone (E)

Are You Flagging? by soidade (E)

one of the most popular steddie fics on ao3, if not thee most

stereoscope by seraphy (E)

just finished this one and woof! heavy on the delicious steve angst. i love when stranger things fics dive into the endless trauma so this one got me good.

make a deal with god by mcalpines (T)

SO very funny, one of my favourites ever!

Easy, Easy, Easy by judasofsuburbia (E)

what can i say, i adore a deeply comforting happily-ever-after future fic.

misgiven by palmviolet (T)

another good stranger things writer, their current wip has me hooked (more on that later)

Mutual Future by knell (E)

another funny one! i love when men are stupid <3

The Worst Mixtape Ever Made by nbfutureboy (M)

songfics can be so hit or miss, and this is an absolute hit. embarrassing for me that i genuinely love all the songs on the titular mixtape though.

See the full post

196 notes - Posted July 19, 2022

#3

edward teach and the 5 stages of grief

the soundtrack to blackbeard's daily breakdowns.

[an our flag means death mix]

208 notes - Posted March 28, 2022

#2

the tv tropes entry for goncharov (1973) is pretty interesting since it's obviously referencing the heavily edited tv version

katya wouldn't be just a 'mysterious woman' if they hadn't censored her relationship with sofia, despite how essential it is to the film. hope the resurgence of interest will highlight the misrepresentation that tanked its box office success in the first place

1,388 notes - Posted November 21, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

See the full post

1,490 notes - Posted October 9, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[soot-and-salt]

2,13,21,24,37

Oh wow, someone actually asked me things, okay this is EXCITING!

2. What's your shortest fic? What's your longest?

I tend to write about 1,500 to 3,000 words per fic, which isn't a bad spot for a one shot. I'd love to write longer things but my attention wavers. I usually will write everything in one sitting, usually in about two to three hours, and then post it. Sometimes I put down ideas or lines and dialogue into a Google doc or my notes app but I'm mostly, uh, doing it live, as it were. And usually right into the AO3 text box, much to the chagrin of my friends who think that is INSANE. And I can't say I blame them. I never said I was good at this, okay.

Anyway, shorter fics work better for stuff like comedy. My shortest fic is just under 1,000 words and was written as kind of a joke, based on someone's tweet. I love doing stuff like that, writing based off of weird prompts, in jokes, or artwork. My brain is a magpie and when it sees something shiny, about 2,000 words (give or take) falls out.

13. How many works have you published?

So I'm on my fourth or fifth AO3 user name by now. I usually get a new one when I write for a new fandom, my soot_and_salt name is the first time I've made a multi-fandom one. I simply couldn't wait the few days to get a new name email from AO3 to post a Hazbin fic, which truly is the entire vibe of my admittedly frenzied writing there. Over all my usernames, though, it's somewhere in the realm of 50-ish works.

21. What year did you join your chosen fanfic posting platform?

My first AO3 name was made back in 2018, which feels a little late, honestly. It's been my only place to post fic since then (unless private discord servers count too). Before that, I didn't write fic for a solid, god, ten years or so? I was big into fandom spaces when I was in school, mostly over on Livejournal. That is, regrettably, how old I am.

24. What are some of your favorite tropes?

Holy shit do I love a good, well done AU. I love examining characters through the lens of an entirely new experience for them. Like, yes I know you're USUALLY a war criminal drow wizard but what if, for about, oh, 30,000 words, you were now a violinist? Or a figure skater? Bookstore clerk? It's a fascinating way to really dig into a character. I also go nuts for a good evil turn for someone, just some nice indulgence in their worst habits. That can be a very good, usually bloody and violent, good time. Speaking of, enemies to lovers is also delicious when they're the right characters (cough-AlastorandVox-cough). One bed, getting together, and fake dating are all fun too, if done right. Oh, and I go nuts for vampires.

I'll usually read almost anything, honestly, as long as it sounds interesting. I have like nearly 100 AO3 tabs in like four fandoms open right now, it's a problem.

37. Do you have any older fics you would consider rewriting?

There are fics with really solid bones I wish I'd written when I was better at writing but I don't think I'd rewrite them. They exist as they are, a testament to where I was at the time, and there's something good and important in that too. So I take what I think worked or what idea I had and save them for another day or another fandom, but the fic itself remains.

I usually post a fic, re-read and edit it obsessively for a day or two, and then move on. Sometimes I'll spot a typo or a missing word weeks or months later and fix them up, but usually after a few days that fic is set in stone.

Okay this was really fun, send me more! :D

[writergamermom]

I think that discussions of censorship on Tumblr tend to have a rather singular focus on fan fiction and basically comes down to I want to read/write some perhaps fucked up shit and that upsets people. I think this does a disservice to the power of media including fan fiction and how ideas impact our actions.

Media of any form can have an impact on the audience and society at large. The black and white film Birth of A Nation is a great example. It was the first film screened at the White House. People who saw this film thought it was representing history. That this was what happened during the Civil War and Reconstruction Period. It had a direct impact on violence on Black people, belief by White people that Black people were raping monsters, and a huge enrollment in the KKK. In fact this film help legitimatize the clan and gave it a lot of the community support it needed to thrive.

Here is the thing, people protested. They tried to get the film canceled. Some cities demanded edits and others banded it all together.

But banning an idea doesn't make it go away. Birth of a Nation is still taught in film school. Wilson still watched in the White House and gave it a positive review. See Birth of Nation did not start racism, it didn't start hated against Black people, it didn't start the Klan. Those ideas already existed. Today film professors are trying to right a wrong. Many don't show the film and if they show clips it is with the full understanding of the hate and harm this film perpetrated. It is not a caveat, a cliff note, or something from long ago that can be ignored. It is baked into every cell of the film.

And this is not something that only happened 100 years ago. There are lots of articles about the power of Copaganda and our (especially white middle and upper class American) understanding of police. This had a real impact on how White America view police violence. I remember thinking when Micheal Brown was shot that it didn't matter he was unarmed because an unarmed person can take your weapon away (something that I was taught most of my life to discourage me from carrying a weapon). That police can shoot someone for fleeing a scene (after all all the cop shows had police with their guns drawn running through traffic and busy streets). My only interactions with police was for speeding tickets (that I often got out of) and cops I had met in my day to day life. My world was small and what I didn't know from my own lived experience or second hand from family or friends, I learned from media. Law and Order had a lot more impact on my understanding of the criminal justice system than all my years of education. Again banning Law and Order is not the answer.

OP asked about the importance of representation. Media doesn't care if the idea is about love or hate or accepting the status quo. It tells stories to spread ideas.

Back in the 90's there was a family drama called life goes on about nuclear family and the son had Downs Syndrome. This was the first show to feature a character with Downs Syndrome and dealt with a lot of challenges with love and respect. Second or third season they add a character named Jesse who had HIV. Again very sympathetic character who starts dating the female lead. First HIV+ on TV. This had impact on people. My mom loved this show. She also partly believed or least considered that HIV was God's punishment and came from Black people having sex with monkeys and you can see that because look at how people in Brazil dance and I am not making this up, people actually believed this shit. So in walks Jesse, a sweet, handsome, shy boy, we learn has HIV from unprotected sex with his ex-girlfriend. Church groups are calling for ABC to drop this show. There is letter writing campaigns, people were upset. My mom was upset. But she kept watching. It started to change the way she thought about HIV.

Media spreads ideas, good ones, bad ones, and just plain boring ones. Censorship does not stop the idea. What does is talking about. After Suicide Squad came out, my kid was obsessed with The Joker and Harley. They were true love. I didn't ban my kid from the movie or from Joker and Harley. Instead I broke down their relationship from Batman the Animated Series to present day and explained in detail how this was an abusive relationship and the only happiness Harley will every have comes from her liberation from the Joker.

When my son watches problematic YouTubers, I don't ban them. I sit and explain to him why making fun of people with disables or watching little kids fight and commenting on it is terrible.

If something is putting bad thoughts or feelings in your head disengage. Manny Patinkin left Criminal Minds because he didn't like what the show was doing to him.

If people are not tagging something, ask them to tag it. That could be using racist tropes, justifying rape, or condoning abuse.

If your worried media is leading people to accept a hateful or harmful idea, break it down. Explain how JK Rowling uses anti-trans tropes in her works. Help people to hear the dog whistle and ruin it.

TL:DR Media spreads ideas, good and bad, and those ideas impact actions people take. Censorship does not help. The only thing that has power over those ideas is new ideas.

references

So I'm slowly starting to come to understand that we shouldn't censor things but also I'm still a little uncomfortable with the site allowing things like pedophilia to be written in a way that's romanticized. I get it. Avoid it since I don't like it but at what point do we say, 'hmm this isn't okay.' I mean I get it, fiction doesn't hurt people but if that were truly the case then why are we lobbying for rep/realism/etc in media? Fiction, at some point, has to have some effect on real life.

Hello darling! I got your second ask too, please don’t worry, you’re definitely not coming across as unkind.

And you’re definitely not the only one to have similar thoughts or concerns.

But my answer’s going to be the same.

There is no such thing as a little censorship, and opening that particular can of pringles is not going to end happily for anyone. It’s better to not open it at all. And yes, that means people will create deeply fucked up things. But they should have the ability to do so, just like you should have the ability to avoid the hell out of it.

(Which, for AO3, is where I start in on my tag your shit appropriately/read the fucking tags!!! Rants. Learned the hard way a million years ago when I *thought* I was reading something very very different than I was, so when I got to ‘Character has sex with a dog’ I lost my mind, then realized I fucked up and hadn’t read the tags. If I had, I would have noped out of that fic immediately. So. That entire encounter was on me.)

“At what point is this not okay?” Well, that’s the whole point, isn’t it? Who would be in charge of deciding where the line goes? Who gets to decide what goes on which side of the line?

The last anon seemed to think writing was the same as doing, and thus writing shouldn’t be allowed at all.

And then got annoyed when I pointed out how often those unsavory themes happen in movies or TV without any warning at all, and generally, people move right past it.

Fiction doesn’t hurt people. People hurt people.

My favorite comparison is still my kitchen curtains, because my curtains are still weird: fairies, trees. Very witchy. I’ve seen people do literal double takes over my curtains. I can tell by the way they squint they can’t stand them or don’t understand why I would want something so *non-traditional* in such a public part of my house. They keep their damned mouths shut though, because they know its rude to tell me to change my curtains to fit their idea of a kitchen. (And also because I’d toss them out after laughing my ass off but that’s not relevant)

Person A has an idea of what ‘acceptable’ levels are, but that’s much much less than person B. Who wins? No one.

And no one should have the power to just decide things like that.

It’s stupid o’clock at night where I am, so I’m not about to go digging for studies, but I know we’ve got pretty solid proof that media doesn’t cause behaviors spontaneously. At the risk of sounding old, but this same argument once was applied to music, too. The weird compromise was slapping content warnings for language/sex/violence on CD’s. (Y’know. A significantly less useful form of tagging?) It didn’t… really do shit for anyone. Other than make those CD’s more attractive to teens, tbh. But. The argument at the time was rap and rock were violent and would make kids go insane and violent just by listening.

It… didn’t. It still doesn’t.

Reading dark fic isn’t going to cause someone to do something out of the blue.

Someone who’s debating doing the thing might seek out media about whatever their obsession is, yes. But their obsession was already there. Fic, music, movies, they’re not going to create it. I’d wager those girls who murdered their friend and blamed ‘slenderman’ had signs long before they went that far.

Part of the problem with this entire thought is that it’s thought policing. Folks assume the thought equals the sin. And as someone with pretty wonky intrusive thoughts and a long family history of mental issues— no. I have weird ass thoughts all the time. ‘Huh, I’m up high, I should jump, maybe I’ll float.’ I’m not gonna act on them. I know they’re weird thoughts. I’m not gonna float, I’d just die. Your brain just… says things sometimes. Some of us more than others. Therapy’s helpful for folks who struggle with that.

Fiction’s got nothing to do with it, though. Fiction just represents someone else working through their lives.

Melissa Etheridge wrote a song (scarecrow) about Matthew Sheppard’s murder. She didn’t cause anyone else to go torture another lonely gay boy to death. She was working through her grief at losing another one of us. And we worked through our grief when she sang.

Art is made for the making of it. Fiction—even the kind that squicks you— is still art.

As for the other part of your ask, the representation? I’m not sure I see the connection you’re trying to make. When people talk about rep, they’re talking about making the characters more authentic, more reflective of the beautiful range of humanity at large. Not seven brown haired white guys and one bitchy white woman and the unnamed not-white side character used for shit jokes. There should be a rainbow of humans in media, because little black girls deserve to know they’re strong and smart and beautiful. Because queer kids of all sizes and shapes deserve to know they’re loved. Because boys should get to be princesses. Because people with chronic illnesses, disabilities, they should get to be part of the stories. Because white folk need to see the rest of the world as human. Folks want to see themselves in the heroes, the happiness, the successes.

Too many kids never get to see themselves on the screen or read about people who look like them.

I loved belle as a kid because she looked like me and she loved reading. I loved Ariel because she wanted to be free. I cried over encanto because I know what it’s like to be excluded, what it’s like to be the big sister. I cried over reading red white and royal blue because the gays get to live and they’re happy. Everyone should have some way to connect.

The realism bit,though, I don’t think is the consumers as a whole. Yeah, some folks prefer it, but from what I’ve seen over the last 20 years, it’s more like the people who control most popular media have decided that’s what they wanna make. I don’t care for it, tbh. Media doesn’t need to be an exact copy of the real world.

Stories are meant as a place of solace, or at least a place that is different, than your day to day.

I like stories that have soft, happy ever afters. We’ve worked through the Big Bad Thing and come out stronger for it and now we get our well deserved rest. The real world doesn’t give me those things. Other people look at the state of the world, read seriously fucked up shit, and then go, well, at least my life isn’t that. It could be worse! And this is their happy place.

So. I’m not sure I’m much help here, but tl;dr: remember the tenets of fandom:

1) kinktomato: your kink is not my kink and that is okay. (You like this, I do not, I’m gonna leave it alone, the end.)

2) DLDR: Don’t like? Don’t read. Filtering and blocking are your besties.

3) ship and let ship (or sit down) — don’t press your dislike onto the people who do like. Let ‘em alone, go find what you do like.

4) tag appropriately, read the damn tags.

5) curate your own spaces. You alone are responsible for your online existence/experiences

6) have fun. Enjoy it. Be weird. Be silly. Be fucked up. Be unrepentantly yourself. Don’t let anyone else take that away from you.