#edit: even more embarrassing is i left and did something else and came back in

[lilas]

Those are three separate reblogs eyem

[l-in-the-light]

The most embarrassing series of posts about Lawlu you will ever read: edition Wano (part 13)

Sorry for the long wait, not only I needed a break (Silent Hill 2 remake came out <3), I also had troubles in general writing notes on tumblr for a while, for some unknown reason! But we're back to our Lawlu's love tale, now finally making it into Wano my beloved.

We start on the ship heading to Wano. Luffy is getting depressed over his bounty for the first time. We know he cares a lot about his bounty poster, apparently he always wanted to be on one ever since he was a child and Shanks told him stories about pirates. He also wants to impress Shanks, so there's also that.

But it's possible part of the reason why Luffy is depressed is because... his bounty would be now lower than Law's. LOL. Dressrosa ended with same amount of cash placed on their heads ;) I dunno if it's reallly part of Luffy's reason, but he did see Zoro and Sanji fight over their bounties before multiple times, so it's probably not a stretch that it might have rubbed on him a little, haha. Just throwing this as possible food for thought :D

Kin'emon is not picking up? Who cares, Luffy has enough of waiting. Which is understandable, but also... we know already that he can't get to Wano fast enough, he was in this speedruning mode ever since they left Zou. He's so close to seeing his crew and Law again, waiting even few hours more is simply killing him in those circumenstances.

Luffy immediately got immersed into roleplaying a samurai, but besides using "gozaru/verily" speech pattern, he mostly just focuses on his sword he practically snatched from the Tengu guy. He's so happy that not only he has a sword, but it's even one of the cooler ones. He holds it up like he wants to show it off, and then throws away the scabbard and claims he can slice people too.

I don't really want to doubt Luffy here, but he spent so much time with Zoro, practically since the beginning of the manga, and he never got interested in any swords before. Not even once. He seemed to interact with any only twice: when he found it for Zoro before freeing him in East Blue (he wasn't particularly interested in them yet, but he did get impressed with Zoro's skills), and when he held it for Law for half of Dressrosa.

So what do you think caused Luffy's sudden interest in swords? If your guess is Luffy's first ally, you're probably scoring a jackpot. Luffy wanted to feel cool and show off with his sword, because he kept looking at Law doing cool stuff with his own one, and Luffy decided he suddenly wants to do the same. Luffy usually has simple reasons for stuff, after all. Maybe he even imagines how it's like for Law to hold and fight with the sword, while he's at it.

It's also worth noting how Luffy is shamelessly admitting that what they're about to do will destroy Kin'emon's plans (Law's, actually, as we will see in a few moments) and declares he will just apologize for it later. It's funny for multiple reasons in retrospection, because: 1. Luffy never actually apologized, lol. 2. He indeed got away with it easily (waaaay too easily) 3. Luffy totally knew at this moment he will get away with it. Cheeky brat! And yes, he was right about that. He knows his Torao well and he knows he will be forgiven. If anything, it seems Luffy upon returning from Whole Cake Island decided to be openly cheeky when he knows a certain someone can handle it.

The action itself though will end up having very terrible consequences overall, but that's something Luffy couldn't have known yet.

"But you didn't even use it", indeed. Just simply carrying the sword around might be reminding Luffy of Law already. But also samurais (and ninjas) are just cool and it would be a waste not to have a sword like everyone else.

Also I'm always curious what Law does with his scabbard when he fights. It would be kinda funny if he throws it away too, lol (probably not up in the air like Luffy did, but he has to dump it somewhere, right? He doesn't carry his scabbard at his waist like Zoro, or on his back).

Law and Luffy's reunion! Yeah I know, at surface level it seems very bleak in comparison, after all Zoro got a glomping hug, just like Sabo did in Dressrosa. We actually don't see Luffy hugging people this way very often. Luffy also never attempts to hug or touch Law, not counting grabbing his clothes (which counts only as indirect touch).

But when we take a closer look at how they react about seeing each other, it does show they care and are happy to meet again.

Let's start from Law. He's resting (it's his last resting moment in Wano lol), his crew make a commotion, screaming "Captain, trouble! Strawhat and Roronoa are going to Bakura town!". But what Law picks up on is only this part: "Strawhat is in Wano?!" That selective focus in this scene says more than any expression or words could have shown us, it's like he didn't hear any other part, as soon as his brain connected the dots "they're talking about Luffy in Bakura town" but "Luffy isn't in Wano yet" which concludes in his deduction of "Luffy's finally here!". It's kinda cute, really.

Anime even emphasized this moment. At first Law asks "why are you so upset/making noise" but then picks up again only on the part about Luffy arriving in Wano, and even adds a line that wasn't in the manga: "So he's finally here", which only further shows he was indeed missing him, it's like it slips from his mouth before he can stop himself. He even gets up, his crew suddenly having all of his attention, just because Luffy's name was mentioned.

Indeed, Law, he is in Wano finally. You will regret feeling a tad bit happy in just a moment though.

And the blissful moment is over, Law is back to worrying 24/7, always about Luffy (and I guess, the raid's plan as well. But mostly about Luffy). Haha. It's okay, he likes to suffer this way, despite the stress.

Luffy got really personal very fast here. "Why is the food only for them?!". After experiencing his own childhood in Goa, seeing Rebecca starving herself and despite that Luffy was still firmly sticking to plan, and then witnessing Big Mom's sugar rampage, and finally the situation in Wano with people constantly poisoning themselves by drinking water from polluted rivers and being able to afford rice only few times a year (or less), Luffy snapped immediately.

That's the result of his experiences in Whole Cake Island, struggling to find things he could do (besides beating the Big Bad Guy) and facing Katakuri who was holding back for the sake of his family. Luffy rediscovered that he doesn't have to hold back what he truly wants to do anymore, as long as he keeps wellbeing of his dearest people in mind at all times. It's a good conclusion he reached here, but it's still not enough if Luffy wants to keep his promise of "making Wano a country in which his friends can eat as much as they want", Law will point it out to him later.

"He'll probably get mad" says Zoro, and one page later we have Law thinking "Roronoa knows the plan". Proving to us that Zoro meant actually Law there, not Kin.

"This is the worst possible thing that could have happened" thinks Law, and this will be important later for us to understand why Luffy had to land in Udon as the result of that. This is our strategy mastermind Law we're talking about here, he must have came up with a plan to deal even with "worst case scenario" (after all the raid plan didn't fail as the result!). He just really wished he could avoid it.

And funny thing, Law is *instantly* mad at Zoro for this outcome. "You swore that you wouldn't make waves!". Law knows everything that was going on with Zoro already when he's talking with him here. He knows he's a wanted man now, he knows Jack has been called up (thanks to Hawkins), and he of course put one and one together: Zoro chose not to stop Luffy from beating up Holdem. In Law's mind this is all Zoro's responsibility here, heh. Also just to show us his petty nature Law took the occassion to vent about every single little thing that he could think of, together with "you were supposed to be in the capital, not in Kuri!!". He had to get off his steam somewhere and Zoro happened to be the best target. Though everything Law said here is true and he has the right to be annoyed about it.

One thing worth noting is this: Law never blamed Luffy for this situation. Luffy didn't know about the plan, he just arrived and couldn't contact Kin'emon, and Law might vent sometimes, but he's not an asshole who would blame people for doing something wrong, while they had no chance to hear about the plan yet. It's simply not their fault then.

The anime emphasized my point as well, actually! Zoro puts the blame on Luffy (lol, Zoro, how could you do that to your captain!!) and as soon as he does that, Law's tone and expression changes. He understands now the situation differently, he thinks Zoro *tried* to stop Luffy, but Luffy was the one to push for what he wanted anyway. And yet... and yet Law is not mad at Luffy. He takes it as a fact and accepts, even if he dislikes the outcome.

He knows this will lead to bad stuff, but he even stops being angry soon after. And do you know why? Yes, of course it's because he likes Luffy a lot and cares for him, but he would scold him (even if not as openly as Zoro) if he thought Luffy is being unreasonable. He does scold Luffy when he later goes directly for Kaido, after all!

So why not now? The answer might be surprising, but it's the only one that truly makes sense. That's because Law has faith in Luffy. He might think he acts unreasonably at times, that he destroys plans, but he does not doubt him, ever. And it's not just a Wano thing either, it was like that already in Dressrosa. He was surprised and tried to push Luffy away when he came to his rescue, but as soon as Luffy declared he's not gonna leave Dressrosa to it's own fate, Law shuts up and accepts it. He doesn't doubt him or his decisions, even if he thinks they might lead to undesirable outcomes.

I can't tell you when exactly Law gained his faith in Luffy. Punk Hazard? But he already waited with Luffy for the rest of Strawhats crew there when they were supposed to escape, even if he complained about it. He didn't leave on his own, he stayed, and he couldn't know if they escape safely or not, they were risking their lives by staying and waiting. But if Law didn't develop his trust in Luffy on Punk Hazard, then the answer can be only one: it happened already on Sabaody. And personally, that kinda blows my mind. Upon first meeting with Luffy, Law started to have deep faith in him. Of course, it doesn't mean he won't *worry* for him, that's a different matter altogether, lol.

Back to being a worry cat Law. "Where's Strawhat-ya?" he can be so one-track minded sometimes haha.

Finally, a reunion! Look at Luffy here, he's basically crying out his excitement at seeing Torao again. "It's been so long!!" it was two weeks indeed and he already told similar line to Zoro before, which is also quite curious. But the moment he spots Law, Luffy's full attention is on him, and he spots him almost immediately too.

Let's think about this reunion from Luffy's point of view, okay? He arrived at Wano and is pretty much alone. He's thrilled to see Zoro, but meeting Zoro was by pure chance, Zoro had no idea where Luffy is (nor where he himself is as well, probably, lol. It is Zoro after all). But Law? It's clear as day he seeked out Luffy (with his own initiative! not simply sending his crew after him! despite Bepo's little incident coming in the way too!) and he indeed found him. From Luffy's POV, Law was the one who searched for him to see him again, to reunite and probably to talk (it is Law, he does talk a lot - when it comes to plans xD). And to achieve that so quickly, it's clear he was waiting and observing, to show up and fetch Luffy as soon as he arrives anywhere near the centre of Wano.

And yeah, sure, Law doesn't say anything upon their reunion there, but Law never says any greetings, like ever, so this is in-character. But his eyes, the way he looks there at Luffy, seem to reflect the exact same sentiment Luffy has. Remember his "finally" line from before? Yep, it's been a long time, and not just for Luffy. They clearly both missed each other.

And then Law drops the bomb "This is rebellion". Wait, but where's the scolding for ruining all the plan?! Well, there's none.

Just a moment later Law just lets Luffy do whatever he wants and doesn't comment on anything anymore.

In anime he only sighs to himself. (also bonus points for sharing sweatdropping moment with Zoro, the guy who was with Luffy practically from the start, haha).

While the people in Okobore town are eating and celebrating, Luffy is talking with Tama, and Law is just there at the side, facing away. Why? He's guarding against the possible enemies approaching, it's his swordsman's instinct. And that's his response to Luffy's actions in the end. It's an alliance, they're in this together, if Luffy does something, Law actually follows through and he doesn't need any prompt for doing that. He falls into this role naturally, because... because he worries so much xD

And again, in the manga Law only ever scolds Zoro, and not Luffy. Luffy doesn't even have to apologize to Law, heh.

In anime they played this scene a bit differently, Luffy is mockingly roleplaying Law there, pretending to be scolding them and making a serious face (yes, this is Luffy mimicking Law's usual face and tone and words, lol. Ain't he cute? Luffy does it a lot to his crewmates actually, we saw him do that quite a number of times: he pretended to be Sanji, Zoro, Usopp and Chopper. Usopp often joins him, he pretended to be Robin before, for example. Luffy probably would have pretended to be Nami too if he wasn't afraid of her. Yet, he's not afraid of Law in the slightest, lol). Actually, it seems he made this impersonation of Law just because he wanted to get a reaction out of him, acting like a spoiled kid... or a spoiled younger sibling, in fact.

Law gets annoyed at the call out, but besides this one line "you don't get to scold anyone!" he still doesn't scold Luffy for what he did, at all. The scolding is only about "how dare you steal my line and use it inadequately!". In the anime he does get a small petty payback on him for this later, lol.

This is an interesting scene. Law asks why Kiku is tagging along and Luffy reassures him it's fine. After that Law doesn't question her anymore.

The anime even shows us that Law is seeking Luffy's opinion in particular, asking him to make sure "is it really okay?". He wants to know if Luffy trusts her. Upon hearing that he indeed does, he accepts it as good enough reason and neither asks again nor worries about Kiku's presence at all. Just because Luffy said it's okay.

That's Law's level of faith in Luffy, like I said before, he never doubts him and even seeks out his opinion. Someone (who by all means is smarter than Luffy himself) *seeks out* Luffy's opinion in particular, trusting it, despite the fact that most people think Luffy is just carefree and doesn't think about anything too deeply.

Even Luffy's own crew tends to doubt Luffy in smallest things (Robin warning Luffy about betrayals in alliances instead of trusting in his faith about Law, Usopp and Nami always protesting about dangerous stuff, Zoro doesn't trust Luffy handling a sword, Sanji thought Luffy can't beat Big Mom and also doesn't need him anymore despite Luffy saying otherwise etc.), but so far I didn't see even one moment in which Law doubted Luffy in any way. The closest to it would be on their trip to Dressrosa when he scolds him "we can't go there without a plan!" but literally one moment later he agrees to eat breakfast with them, just because Luffy declares it's meal time. He complained but still went on with it.

Let this sink in :)

This vid doesn't have the original voice lines since it's a music video (borrowed with permission from @lutorao ❤), but it's fine because I want you to pay attention to the dynamics here, which can't really be captured in screenshots.

Luffy is getting impatient and wants to know what Law and Zoro mean by the "ghosts of Wano". Zoro quickly dismissed him so Luffy moves on to pester Law about it and he acts totally spoiled about it. Frowning he leans to him from one side but noticing that Law looked at him, he moves away to his other side instead, and Law's eyes follow him there immediately. Luffy's frown turns into a playful expression instead, he's totally doing it on purpose because he enjoys when Law is looking at him.

Law is lost in his own thoughts, but as soon as Luffy approaches him, he gives him full attention, and he can't help but follow him with his eyes too. He catches himself falling for Luffy's little game, so he stops and answers him "you will see it soon enough when we arrive". Law totally got played here, he allowed it to happen actually, if anything he enjoyed it as much as Luffy did, but he feels like he can't lose his face so he puts an end to it with firm but also not dismissive words. After all he can blame only himself and his own affection for Luffy for falling for that little "attention seeking" game. This is yet another proof to me that Law likes to watch Luffy, likes to spoil him, likes to give him attention too. He doesn't do it all the time only because he wants to maintain his "face".

At the end of this scene Luffy gives up and calls Law "kechi" which is probably the most awful nickname Luffy have given anyone so far in the series (together with "four swords style" name-calling for Zoro lol). It's often translated as "mean", but we know Luffy better than that already, he would never call Law mean, not even while joking. Literally the Japanese word means something like "cheapskate", emphasizing Law's refusal to tell Luffy immediately, so Luffy thinks Law is holding out on him (he's just a bit bored and impatient though). I guess Luffy isn't used to be told to wait, not coming from Law at least. Law spoiled him too much heh.

Personally this is my second favourite Lawlu moment from Wano, besides the ghost story. And this one is anime-only ❤ great job, Wano's anime arc!

This is also Law and Luffy's moment. Luffy's surprise that there's no castle and Law reminding him "I told you it's ruins". In anime Luffy adds afterwards "oh, right!". It's just a cute conversation those two have. Also another moment showing us Law doesn't leave Luffy hanging, even if he has to repeat himself.

The same happens just a moment later, when they're walking around, and Luffy comments that this place is kinda creepy. Law also immediately replies to him, providing an explanation. Luffy really doesn't even have to ask for attention anymore, he's always getting it anyway. Law would never ignore him.

And here comes the fan favourite (mine as well hehe): Law tricking Luffy that Kin'emon and the rest of the samurais were ghosts all along. Yet another example of Law's teasing and deadpan sense of humour, btw.

Let's analyze it step by step. It's neccessary to point out that Luffy is actually the first one to arrive at the idea that "they're dead", without any sort of prompt from Law. Luffy immediately jumps on that idea "they have graves, are they actually dead, that's why I couldn't contact them" and then in his panic he asks Law "Where's Kin, wasn't he supposed to be here??". Law didn't really have to do much for Luffy to believe they're ghosts. All he had to do was to not deny it openly.

Now let's try to see it from Law's point of view. He simply showed Luffy the graves, witnessed him panic and then seeking confirmation or denial from him, because he would believe whatever Law would tell him, that much is clear. And Law couldn't stop himself from leading him on a bit more. He didn't actually lie to him in any way or actively tried to trick him, he just decided to say things that don't exactly deny or confirm openly the ghosts idea. His only responses are "it's not just Kin, look at other graves", and then "he might come up in the middle of the night, like yesterday", and finally "It's not my place to tell you". He's not lying, he's just slightly leading Luffy to spiral more into his own doubts, lol. Such a troll.

He's also super pleased about it, look at his shining eyes there. We never see Law's eyes shining like that, it's a proof of how amused he is despite his deadpanned face. Luffy on that other hand believes Law immediately and even lets go of him (anime-only extension of the scene), devastated. He got successfully trolled, lol.

We know Law is saying bullshit here, because his eyes are hidden, heh. Luffy gets so agitated he grabs Law by his clothes (first time he ever did that, Law gets his payback for that in raid on Onigashima). He's not doubting Law, not really, he's just really confused, because so far Law always gave him a clear answer, every time Luffy asked about something (and often even when he didn't ask). Law's reluctance to answer here clearly makes Luffy so worried, he is ready to kick ass of whoever caused Law to behave in this way, because he thinks it's just too painful for Law to properly say what's going on (the same way it took Law a while to share about his true reason why he's after Doflamingo!). Luffy's reaction is very understandable, but Law's? He's totally playing with him, lol. This all takes place in same episode in the anime, in which their playful interaction from above also happens.

Law probably thought it's cute how Luffy immediately jumped to the "they're ghosts!" conclusion. He wanted to see how far he can push him and how scared he can actually get. If you wanted proof of how much Law missed Luffy, this is actually it. Despite usually distancing himself so much, here he literally couldn't stop himself from playing a trick on Luffy, just so he can see a new face expression on his face. Law in Dressrosa wouldn't allow himself that, but Law after the two weeks of seperation does. Seperation makes the heart grow fonder.

It's worth noting that despite trolling him and getting grabbed, he still doesn't want to outright lie to Luffy :)

Law plays along when Kin'emon shows up. Law can be such a little shit sometimes, lol. Luffy is quickly getting more distressed.

And his surprise reaches it's peak here and he screams, terrified. Meanwhile Law just stands there, enjoying the show quietly.

Luffy is so relieved that Kin'emon is alright and isn't a ghost. And then he immediately complains to Law, accusing him of lying, to which Law calmly denies "I didn't say he was dead, did I?". This is literally the first time Law played a trick/joke on Luffy, and the bottom line is, Luffy isn't even fully aware of it. He just thinks Law was saying things in unclear way and tells him not to do that, lol. He suspects Law probably did it on purpose (after all he never did that to Luffy before! always providing clear explanations), but he still doesn't understand why ;)

Law turns away in the anime, probably with the intention to smile or snicker to himself without being noticed, but when Luffy makes an angry face at him, he can't help but look at him anyway. His eyes just always wander towards Luffy.

This is it, the in-depth analysis of the joke Law played on Luffy. Did it destroy it for you or made it even funnier ;)?

This is a fun little whimsical moment between them. Again, Luffy wonders outloud whether Kiku knows Kin'emon, and Law, completely unprompted, provides his own insight to clear Luffy's confusion. "It looks like more than just knowing each other" (implying: they're kinda close). Luffy doesn't get it immediately, but observes their interaction for a bit longer, and few moments later realization dawns on him.

And that's all thanks to Law, of course. He pointed it out to him as soon as Luffy voiced his confusion. This shows that not only Law always pays attention to Luffy and answers his questions, never ignoring him, but also helps him comprehend stuff Luffy never could before. Like a good older brother would.

It's the same in the manga, though it's a shorter version.

And then we have another reunion. Luffy gets hugged by Chopper and Carrot, and it seems Law is staring at them. Taking into account the scene before (him commenting on Kiku and Kin knowing each other very closely), it's likely he thinks the same way here about Luffy, Carrot and Chopper. He also might be a bit jealous actually, after all it seems Strawhats hug each other, but Law didn't get a reunion hug (not that he could handle it, seeing how poorly he handles most touches and closeness, but doesn't mean he can't wish or yearn a bit for one anyway). Also after observing Strawhats closeness with each other on multiple occassions, he tries to act more affectionately with his own crew as well. He's a good observer and learns a lot just from watching from the side.

And I ran out of space already in this part, haha (I thought I would at least make it till the scene when Luffy runs off to fight Kaido, lol). Including anime kinda affected the pace and made the post even longer! But I think all those additional scenes are really worth it, they're pure gems :3

Tbc in future parts about Wano :D

[dnd-writes]

Looking Up

AO3

Tags: toy!Haseul, master!reader, sexual slavery, public humiliation, masturbation, master/slave, dom/sub, slapping, impact play, humiliation, dacryphilia, degradation, name calling, self degradation, begging, punishment, dub-con?, rough oral sex, deepthroat, choking, gagging, breath play, fear play, biting, floor cleaning, painal, hair pulling, more slapping, emotion play, somewhat/barely edited

Warning: Well, the tags speak for themselves. Lots of generally degrading things plus a bunch of stuff that isn't usually seen in fics (or at least I don't usually see). Also gets a little more harsh/violent than what most people would probably be used to so... yeah, just full of degeneracy so uhh... enjoy!

A/N: Longest fic I've written amounting to just a little above 6k words wtf I didn't even notice (at first, until I started adding random stuff to meet the mark). Honestly I had a vision for this fic in mind which kinda got lost as I made it so if it feels a little over the place or if it bounces from this to that and that to this then I apologize. Also, while writing this, I was also writing the sequel fic somewhat alongside it. I'm not gonna go to detail about it to avoid spoilers but at the end I'll put a poll regarding the sequel so when you're done with this or you wanna skip right to the end then don't forget to vote, thank you!

Being a leader of a group can be tiring enough, what more when there are 12 total members? Everyone in the group looks up to Haseul, she’s so caring and loving, she’s almost like the mother in the group. Always taking care of her members, always comforting them, always being there for them, it can get tiring for her sometimes but the way everyone looks so happy and content is enough of a reward for the struggles she faces having to deal with her 11 girls. They love her and she loves them back.

However, sometimes Haseul wants something else, needs something else, something totally the opposite of her current position in the group. She needs someone to look up to, someone to be her leader, someone to hold her. Haseul found it impossible to ask her groupmates about this problem, she just couldn’t bring herself to talk to them about it, every time she thought she was ready to speak no words came out of her mouth. It wasn’t just embarrassment or fear, there was something in her holding herself back from reaching out, something within her preventing her from telling even the closest people in her life about such a deeply disturbing problem that’s affecting her.

That’s when she realized that even if she told anyone about it, even her closest friends and family, there was nothing they could do to appease that inner desire of hers. That’s when she realized that she needs a complete stranger to fulfill her darkest needs, someone who wouldn’t judge such a need that she has, someone who wouldn’t hesitate to deliver through with her requests. That’s when she realized that it’s more than just having a leader, more than just having someone to look up to, more than just an external force. That’s when she realized that her needs reach far deeper than she thought, not just her mind or her heart but rather her whole body needs it. That’s when she realized she doesn’t need a leader, she needs an owner. She doesn’t need someone to look up to, she needs to look up at someone. She doesn’t want to be someone important, she wants to be nobody. She doesn’t want to comfort, she wants to be hurt. 

= = = = =

“What’s taking you so long?” You can see on Haseul’s face that she’s tired from whatever it is she did prior to calling you, she puts on a dainty smile but it’s wiped away so quickly with how stern you sound. A nervous chuckle escaped her lips before finally answering, “Uhhh… I left a little late—” Haseul pulls the microphone on her earbuds closer to her mouth “—Master.” A whisper so faint even you could barely hear it but you didn’t press her to say it louder, public humiliation wasn’t on your agenda today, you have something else in store for Haseul when she finally reaches you, especially after having to make you wait for so long.

“Didn’t I tell you to be here at 4 sharp?” Your tone is gradually rising as you speak and you just see Haseul on your screen sink deeper into her seat out of humiliation.

“But we had—” “No ‘buts’ what did I tell you? I don’t care what you’re doing or where you’re at, if I set a time, you should be here at that time. Maybe I should just call s—”

“NO!” Haseul covers her mouth as she reactively opposes you. Her expression quickly changes to one of panic, both from screaming inside a tiny car and from even daring to go against your wishes. She quickly apologizes to the driver then bows her body as much as she can to apologize to you. “I-I mean… do whatever you want, Master. I am sorry.”

If there’s one thing to describe Haseul it’s determination and she wants nothing more in the world than to have your gaze to be solely on her, just the mere thought or mention of any of your other toys makes her desperate to the point where she goes against everything else, goes against her “code” just to keep you to herself.

You check your list of schedules and it seems like Haseul is the only one available for at least two more hours, so even if you wanted to give her emotional pain, the best you could really do is bluff. Not that it would matter to Haseul, she will believe any word you will say—the real problem is with your needs, without Haseul or any other toy, you’ll be left alone and sexually frustrated.. “Fine.” Just one word is enough to make Haseul bounce joyfully in her seat then immediately after she puts a serious face on, ready to follow any order you give her even from inside a taxi.

You didn’t really intend on doing it but given that you don’t have any other toys to play with at the moment, it will have to do. “What are you wearing?” you ask and Haseul simply extends her arm and angled the phone at her body, from seeing a view of just her face to everything but. A black camisole and jean shorts, a very typical outfit for her. Nothing too special about it aside from lots of skin and slight curvature of her chest along her tight top.

“Take it all off, play with yourself.” Although she’s in a stranger’s car, Haseul doesn’t hesitate to follow orders. You see her unbutton her shorts then not-so-elegantly shimmy them past her hips, it is a struggle enough having to remove them with her ass in the way but using only one hand while seated in a car makes it even harder. This isn’t the graceful strip tease Haseul hoped it would be, her smile weakens and you can just see the panic slowly start to build up within her. You’re simply watching her and yet the prospect of disappointing you acts like surveillance on her entire being. 

Haseul forgoes visual for speed but ends up grunting just a little too loudly, she freezes for a split second, looking over to the front before resuming her poor attempt at an elegant show. After a tedious couple of seconds, Haseul finally manages to get her shorts past her hips and it smoothly sails down her legs and onto the floor. What’s left behind is her shaved pussy, wet and ready for any debauchery you plan to bring upon her.

She lowers herself in her seat, trying to conceal herself as much as possible from the driver and potentially from other cars who might just peer through the window. As opposed to her shorts, her top and bra lift over her chest with ease, revealing her full round breasts to you—above her mounds you can see faded black ink spelling out the word “SLAVE” just beneath her bunched up clothing, still not fully erased from yesterday’s session. 

Haseul spreads her legs as much as she can then sticks her ring and middle into her snatch. She chooses not to go fast so as to not alert the driver of how she’s defiling his vehicle but you have other plans. “Cum for me, Haseul. Before you get here I want you to cum in that seat.” Haseul’s eyes widen from nervousness, this is the most humiliating thing you’ve asked her to do ever since you strolled her around naked in the middle of the night but her calling to serve and obey you stands above all and not a second later her eyes glitter with resolve. 

Haseul ups her pace while trying to be discreet as possible, with one hand holding the phone and the other busy with her pussy, best she can do to not be noticed is to bite her lips down and hope the car is loud enough to drown the wet sounds emanating from fingering herself.

If traffic is how it usually is like other days then that means Haseul only has a few minutes to complete her task so you sit back and wait to see how Haseul approaches this. What makes this even funner is seeing the struggle on Haseul’s face as she tries to get herself off in subpar conditions—only slightly comfortable, not able to moan, not having her tits played with, and not having your cock in her makes it so hard for her but Haseul’s determination keeps her going, that and the fact that she doesn’t want to upset you.

By the second it’s getting harder for Haseul to maintain herself, her lips start to part every now and then, sometimes she catches herself mid-moan and bites down on her lips to quiet herself, other times they slip right past and cause such lewd sounds to fill the dead air. You smile seeing your toy so obedient and Haseul flashes a quick smile in return of your approval of her. Your smile seems to trigger something else in her as you see her chest start to heave faster and her fingers to pump harder, your effect on her is huge even if all you did was curl your lips upward.

She adds her index to the mix and by now she’s slowly starting to lose herself to the heat of the moment. Her eyes slowly start to close and her mouth stays wide open. You can even start to hear her fingers pistoning in and out of her pussy together with lewd squelching, her moans start to get louder too as she slowly forgets about the situation she’s in. You wonder what’s going on in that head of hers but you decide not to disturb her lest you break her concentration. 

Total ignorance of her surroundings as Haseul treats her digits like a cock wanting to cum deep inside of her, her pussy leaks so much that it coats her hand and the seat in her own juices, her moans turn to shouts of passion as her hips grind against her hand. You notice Haseul starting to arch her back and her legs closing around her fingers, she’s close and you both know it. Maybe she will be able to do something that pleases you for once today.

That is, until the car comes to a complete stop. You look out of your window and there you see the taxi and you can kinda see Haseul still going at it inside. It’s only when the driver clears his throat that she notices she’s at her destination “Ma’am… ummm, we’re here.” Haseul’s eyes go completely wide as she looks forward at the driver’s seat but the shock of finding out that the driver sees her in such a state doesn’t compare to when she looks at her phone to see your blank stare. You let out a sigh and shake your head. “Just pay him well for his troubles. Leave your clothes there, I’ll meet you inside.” Your deadpan delivery is like a knife through her heart, you can see Haseul on the verge of tears just by talking to her like that. 

Haseul takes out two yellow bills from her wallet and hands them to the driver using her clean hand. “K-Keep the change,” she says as she bows profusely before exiting the taxi. You see Haseul step out of the vehicle in full nude, the neighborhood isn’t that packed with houses spaced far enough apart from each other but hopefully a neighbor or two gets a nice show of a busty woman running up to your house.

Haseul tries to greet you with a warm smile but the disappointment on your face makes her want to ball up in shame. You take her bag and throw it across the room, Haseul’s face is full of fear, not from the potential damage to her belongings but with how you stare her down. You grab her by the neck and pin her against the wall, Haseul immediately starts to choke and her hands involuntarily rise to meet yours but make no attempt to pull you off of her.

“I told you to be here by 5, not 5:30 but 5.” Your free hand rises and comes crashing down straight onto Haseul’s cheek immediately leaving a bright red mark on it. “Master, we—” The back of your hand meets her other cheek, for you it stings a little as you make contact but you’re sure Haseul gets the worse end. “Excuses, excuses, excuses. Don’t you bullshit me with any of that.”

“What’s this?” You point at the word still tattooed to her chest “Can’t even clean yourself properly?” Another offense, another slap. “And you can’t even cum when I ask you to, you’ve disappointed me thrice today, before even setting foot in my place. Three times, Haseul, just be thankful no one else is around or else I would have sent you away by now.” Another backhand strikes Haseul and tears start to stream down her face. “If you ever disappoint me again today, I’m calling someone else in. I’m gonna tie you up and make you watch as I fuck someone else and call them my favorite toy.”

You let go of Haseul and she crumbles into a sobbing mess on the floor, she kneels and holds onto your legs, crying and begging. “I’m sorry, Master. I-I’ll do anything, be anything. Treat me like a whore, use me how you see fit.” It’s such an empowering feeling having such a respected woman like Haseul be on her knees with her ass hanging higher than her own head and completely belittling herself for your own pleasure.

Haseul stays put, not moving an inch from her position if not told to. You bend down and caress her ass, your hand travels down along her spine and meets her head where you grab a handful of her long black hair and tug her upright. Haseul’s face is such a mess, one side is reddened while the other is slightly bruised.

You pull your pants down and bring your cock out. Before Haseul can even ready herself, you’re already pushing yourself past her lips, showing no remorse as you completely sheathe yourself in her mouth. Haseul chokes and gags repeatedly, spewing spit out of the corners of her lips faster than tears can come out of her eyes.

You grip the sides of Haseul’s head and repeatedly slam her face against your pelvis, she coughs every time you hilt and it’s just one of the most pleasant sounds you’ve heard all day. You don’t stop to even consider her well-being, not even giving her a chance to adjust herself or at least prepare, sometimes you even forget that the thing you’re using is less of a thing and more of a living breathing human-being.

Haseul keeps eye contact with you, through the pain, through the tears, her stare says a lot. Her stare tells you to keep going, to not stop, to give her the punishment she deserves. 

There’s no love, no care, no sympathy, no passion that goes into every shove you make against the back of her head. It’s all just anger and lust powering your hands and hips, just all the stress and sexual aggression expressed with the way you make Haseul take your entire length inside of her mouth. However, it’s not enough, you need more, Haseul needs more. Simply using her head like your own personal fleshlight isn’t enough, not degrading enough, not dehumanizing enough. This isn’t even entirely a punishment, it’s just one of Haseul’s many duties as a toy dialed up to an 11.

You pinch her nose closed and Haseul’s teary eyes begin to resonate with fear once more. Instantly you begin to feel her throat tighten as she struggles to breathe through her mouth. She tries to breathe in some air when your cock has mostly gone out of the way but then you just thrust in again while Haseul is inhaling and she chokes more intensely than before. You didn’t think her mouth could have been any better but here you are now, enjoying the best blowjob you’ve had in a while from someone nearly about to pass out.

Haseul lightly taps on your leg to give some warning but rather than slow down you just speed up, giving her less room to get oxygen. You begin to feel the rise of an overpowering sensation but at the same time you start to see Haseul’s eyes slowly closing. You quickly pull out and Haseul heavily gasps for air, mouthing a silent “Thank you” as she looks at you with grateful eyes. 

After a few huffs you thrust back inside while Haseul’s in the middle of taking in some air. She chokes uncontrollably and it only serves as intense pleasure for you as her throat constricts you harder than any other body part of hers could manage. You pinch her nose again while keeping your other hand firmly on the back of her head. You start to thrust your hips in time with each slam of her head, ridding whatever sense of care you have left for her. With the added pressure around your girth it didn’t take long for you to start erupting inside Haseul, the first few bursts went straight down but you made sure that the rest pools up on her tongue. 

You pull yourself out and Haseul collapses again, this time on her side. She holds her neck as she coughs wildly, spilling a lot of spit and cum in front of her. After, she lays quietly on her side, mouth open, drool dripping, making an absolute mess on your pristine floor. You grab Haseul’s bag and rummage through her belongings to find her phone then you start taking pics of her pathetically lying on the ground. “Aww, look at you, so pretty down there.” You then get close to her face and take close-up shots of her disheveled face with all the different liquids covering it. “This one looks perfect,” you say as you change her wallpaper to one of the pictures you’ve taken, replacing the one from the previous session which was her mouth full of piss. You take a few more pictures of Haseul from different angles before putting her phone aside.

Finally done with your fun, you nudge Haseul with your foot, “Get up, clean your mess.” However, Haseul doesn’t budge so you tap her with your foot again, “I said clean your mess, don’t make me ask a third time.” You can tell that she’s listening to you with the way she tries to move her body but fails to find the strength to move. Growing impatient, you take matters into your own hands. You roll her over on her stomach and press her face against the cold tile, immediately you can hear her mouth sucking away at the spill she has created. 

As you leave Haseul to work like a makeshift vacuum, you kneel and turn your attention to hear rear, raised high up to be presented just for you. Her legs shimmer under the light, covered in a fresh coat of her own juices, you glance and confirm a wet stain on your floor where she once knelt. You slide two fingers across her slit and gather up her nectar. You give it a little lick then give an unamused sigh, it’s still that same salty taste with a bit of sweetness. Not nearly as delicious as any of the others you have tasted, maybe you should start controlling her diet too, you make a mental note for yourself for the future

“You haven’t came yet, right Haseul?” you ask as you stick the same two fingers inside her cunt, Haseul squirms at the sudden invasion of her entrance. “N-No, Master,” she momentarily stops cleaning the floor to answer, there’s a hint of hope in her voice, perhaps longing to finally climax ever since her escapade in the taxi. But you have no plans for that, instead you push her head back down, “Keep it that way. Since your pussy has disappointed me already today, I think I’ll use your ass. If you cum before I do, well let’s just say I won’t be happy about it.” You give her a spank as you chuckle, a sick and twisted game for you to enjoy and for her to suffer through. Haseul’s body tenses up and her rim puckers as you mention the last line, she was close to release prior to her arrival so keeping it in for longer would be a pain. “Yes, Master, I will.” The pain and sadness is evident in her voice, trying her best to keep it together.

You line yourself up and instantly push through into her sphincter, the two of you groan out loud as it proves harder to penetrate Haseul’s ass this time around. You can feel Haseul tightening herself up, creating a grip so strong it rivals that of her air-deprived throat. Continue to push, dig your fingers into her flesh as you pull her hips towards you. Grunt as every inch gets slowly devoured by her ass, slowly but surely you make your way deeper and deeper until you feel her skin touch with yours. It feels tighter than her mouth but that’s all it’s got going for it, doesn’t have the choking sensation of her throat, the wet and rough feeling of her tongue, or the warm embrace of her lips. If you could fuck her face the way you did earlier all the time then you would do it but what you want is to harm her, not impair her.

You keep yourself still and bask in the effort of Haseul squeezing herself around you but other than that, there’s nothing else except for the sounds of heavy breathing. You tug on Haseul’s hair and lift her up, on the floor remains some of the mess she had made prior but regardless it remains. You pull her so that your mouth can reach her ear then you whisper, “Didn’t I tell you to clean that up already?” You lick the back of her ear then bite on it, Haseul shouts in pain, if you bit any stronger you probably would have made it bleed. “Y-Yes, Master. I’m sorry, I will do my job,” she says frantically. You slowly lower her but halfway down you let go and let her fall, Haseul barely catches herself just in time to not faceplant on the ground.

As she starts lapping the floor up like a thirsty dog, you feel her ass unclench every now and then. It seems like having her focus split between a degrading task and a mind-numbing condition is too much for her to handle all at once. 

You begin to slide out slowly, then back in, then out, then in. Finding a relaxed pace to start with, you aren’t entirely cynical, you want to see Haseul succeed in at least one task you’ve assigned her. You continue to pace your cock in and out of her ass while listening to a cycle of moans, heavy breaths, and sucks coming from way below you.

Sing a tune in your head, gauge the passing seconds. Count the time in your head but without a clock you couldn’t really be truly sure, has it been a minute? Maybe two? Three? Did you sing too fast? Too slow? Regardless you start counting down from sixty, mentally giving Haseul one last minute to see if she can do it. You’re rooting for her, really, it’s a little sad seeing Haseul fail so many things in so little time, it’s unlike her. As much as she voices out how much she deserves punishment, she much prefers serving and obeying every command and order you give her.

“Five… four… three… two… one…” Time is up for your human mop. You pull out completely then tug her hair back forcefully. You look over her shoulder to assess the floor, you’re happy to see that it’s clean—but as you look closely, you see just a few drops of white still staining the ground. Haseul gasps as she notices it too, you turn to her and she breaks down crying. “I-I’m sorry, Master, I failed you. I don’t mean to disappoint you like this, p-punish me, hurt me… I-I deserve this for being so useless.”

You smile as you hear the sweet and delicate words escape Haseul’s lips, it really is an invigorating feeling, having all this power over someone, having so much influence over her that even simple changes in your expression can make or break her.

You let go of Haseul and stand. Unprompted, she turns around and kneels by your feet, a predicament she’s found herself countless times in the past that she no longer needs to be told what to do. She keeps her hands on her lap, her eyes closed, and her face pointing up at you. 

You had a different plan in mind for her but this alternative would suffice, you wouldn’t turn down such an offer especially when it’s presenting itself like that, only a madman would pass up such an opportunity. And besides, nothing wrong with giving a little something extra. After all, it wouldn’t hurt anyone—well, anyone besides Haseul.

You cup the side of Haseul's face, soft and delicate to the touch, pristine skin ruined by hints of abuse made by you and you’re only going to make it look worse. It’s a shame really, a pretty and elegant face like hers reduced to an outlet of anger and disappointment. But you couldn’t really care less, in fact it uplifts you to see such beauty defiled and you take immense pleasure being the sole cause of it.

Haseul’s breath begins to hitch, the anticipation getting the best of her, a torture in and of itself. She’s not used to this, having your hand be this close to her face without even as much as a sting let alone having it be touched so gently. You can’t help yourself, normally she’s a crying and begging mess by now but that extra second of staring at her makes you pause in your tracks. You feel your heart skip a beat as both your hands move to touch her face, brushing her cheeks, fixing stray hairs, wiping away spit and sweat. Haseul opens her eyes, staring back with a mixture of hesitation and awe. 

“Master—” Inquisitive and confused, Haseul looks at you like you’re a complete stranger “—please, punish me.” Her words bring you out of your daydream, slightly tearing something within you in the process, a part of you that you never knew existed in the first place. Haseul doesn’t want love or affection, she’s here to atone for her sins, to serve her master, to look up to someone much higher than her. For a second you lost track of that, for a second you saw her in a different light, saw yourself in a different light. But no, that’s not what you’re here for nor is it what she’s here for. 

You shrug off all unwanted feelings and focus back on the matter at hand. Though you hesitate, your brief moment of longing strikes weakness in you. Haseul begs with her eyes as she kneels on the ground, awaiting the punishment that you’re becoming too scared to give. Haseul takes your hand and puts it on her cheek. “Master, please.” You close your eyes as you wind your arm back, channeling your energy as you take a swing at Haseul’s face. Your hand connects and the slap echoes in the vicinity, you open your eyes to see Haseul with a bright red mark on her, crying silent tears as she continues to present her face. A part of you dies but another feels alive, the surge of adrenaline rushing through your body as you savor the sight beneath you. You take your arm back again, this time without hesitation, and deliver another slap right in the same spot, Haseul’s cheek glowing red from the harsh treatment.

You turn her around and kneel behind her, quickly resuming your position earlier—a hand gripping the roots of her long hair and another at her side. You put Haseul’s arms behind her back then outstretch your arm so that she’s right above the spot she missed on the floor, a constant reminder of her failure just staring her in the face. You line yourself back up to her rear entrance, “Remember, don’t cum before I do.” Haseul frantically nods her head as best she could, even before you finished your sentence, wanting to just get it out of the way and straight to the action.

The remainder of Haseul’s spit that coated your cock has long dried out by now, but that’s not really a problem for you to deal with. 

You spread one of her cheeks as much as you can to see the ever familiar hole looking at you and to make it easier for the both of you. Her rim already looks a little sore and red, you plan to make that better. Again, the initial push has some troubles as Haseul clenches herself, this time however, you aren’t going to go that easy on her. 

You push inside slow and steady but once the head has fully disappeared, you ram the rest of your length inside of her ass. The dry friction of her anal walls makes you groan but that doesn’t compare to what Haseul is feeling. Her scream almost splits your ears as you plunge your entirety within her. Her whole body tenses up from how sudden it was, you give her half a second to adjust before pulling out just enough then ramming back in. Out and in, out and in, out and in, only this time you’re going much harsher, much harder, much faster. Reducing Haseul to mere grunts and moans as her dry entrance greedily hugs you. 

Only after a while does Haseul find her voice again. “It hurts! Y-Yes, yes, yes, fuck! Harder… harder, Master. Make it hurt more. Punish me like the bitch that I am!” The words just flow naturally out of her, profanities, moans, and whatever other degrading name just spew out of her mouth like it’s nothing. Haseul is truly in her element—pain and punishment, nowhere else have you seen her with such drive and energy. 

You do as requested, digging your digits into her side as you pound her hard. However, you find your grip rather unsatisfactory, with one hand holding her head up, having just one on her hip isn’t doing the job you want it to do. You adjust higher and higher on her body until your hand is pulling down on her shoulder. Your nails dig into her skin and your hand grips the base of her hair with all your might, each earning their own screams of pleasing pain from Haseul. 

Haseul’s in her element, perhaps a little bit too much. You start to notice her letting loose and succumbing to the pain and pleasure. Her ass adjusts and unclenches while her body goes limp and surrenders its weight to your hands. You aren’t even close to cumming yourself, you can only imagine where this will end up. 

“I’m so close… Master, I’m so close, please…” In between moans, Haseul utters breathless warnings of her coming orgasm. You try to open your mouth but by then it’s too late, before even a single sound escapes from your lips, Haseul’s has made plenty. “FUCK! Oh, fuck! Master… I’m… ahhh—“ Her legs quiver and give way, leaving her entire weight to be held up through your two hands on her upper body. 

Another mess on your floor, another order disobeyed, another punishment waiting to be given. 

You pull out then pull Haseul by her hair towards you, forcing her to kneel down and face you head on. The sudden sharp pain pulls Haseul down from her high and the horror returns on her face. She slowly shakes her head as tears pour down once more, whispering between heavy breaths, “No… please… I’m sorry… Master, forgive me…”

“You can’t cum when I ask you to and then you cum when I tell you not to,” you say disappointedly, you send a quick text on your phone as you shake your head. “How many is that now, five? At least five times you couldn’t do what I told you to do? What happened, Haseul? You were doing just fine yesterday.” You simply sigh at Haseul who looks on with pure terror in her eyes opposing your rather blank stare. 

To you it’s all just a game, all just pleasure, but to Haseul it’s way beyond that—it’s worship, subservience, servitude. You couldn’t really care less who is kneeling down in front of you with the multitude of toys that you own but to Haseul, you’re her one and only, the only master she serves, the one she devotes herself to.

“Did you have a change of heart all of a sudden, are punishments the only thing you want now? Because that’s not that hard to give.” Your arm swings wide and your palm connects with her face, so strong it almost toppled her over. “See? It’s so simple. If that’s all you want then all you have to do is tell me, I don’t mind.” Your other arm mimics the same motion, equalizing the redness on Haseul’s cheeks.

Haseul just shakes her head, “N-No, Master. I… I wish to serve and follow you. But… punish me when I deserve it and right now I deserve to be punished, Master.” Haseul closes her eyes and braces herself for another hit which you gladly give, this one stronger than the previous, this one sending her falling to her side. Haseul catches herself then gets back to position, raising her head while on her knees, presenting her face to receive another slap.

Slap after slap befalls Haseul, her cheeks get redder and redder with some parts a deeper shade of red than her pale lips. You’ve lost count of how many slaps you have given by now but it’s gotten to the point where your palms start to sting. But no matter how many times you slap Haseul, no matter how many times she falls down, she remains relentless. Even with tears rolling down her face, Haseul doesn’t hesitate one bit to get back on her knees and present her face. That’s what you love about Haseul, the persistence she has even in the face of pain and disappointment, she keeps pushing through, all just to please you. But unfortunately for her, the amusement you have gotten from her tenacity doesn’t amount to the dissatisfaction she’s earned throughout the few hours you’ve been with her today.

You continue to release your pent up aggression through your palms connecting with her delicate cheeks but no matter how many you’ve given and how many you continue to give, it just isn’t enough. As much as you like to use Haseul as your outlet, the sheer amount of displeasure she’s given doesn’t make it as satisfying for you. No matter how strong or how often, it still never seems to be enough, it’s gotten to the point where the problem has outgrown its source.

You start to wind your arm back when your phone starts to ring. “I wonder who could that be,” you say rather rhetorically with a smirk on your face, the once lifeless and weak Haseul suddenly springs up as she hears the call incoming, dread and anxiety loom over her as the implication of your words mean anything but good news. “I’m sorry, Haseul, but today I’m just starting to doubt you. Thankfully there’s someone here who can help me fix that problem of yours.” You answer and on the screen pops up a very, very familiar face to the both of you.

A/N 2: poll - https://strawpoll.com/xVg7j76vrnr

[creatchie8]

Yellow Soul: Chapter Six

Dandelion

Chapter Summary: Six years pass and you find yourself back in Wabang.

Pairing: Rhett Abbott/Fem!Reader

Warnings: Minors DNI (not really a warning but the reader does have a sister and I decided to name her, I just looked up what was the most popular name in 1998 Wyoming and chose that one lol)

Word Count: 2,700ish

A/N: Yikes!! I'm back and with so much inspiration you guys. Please excuse this chapter, it is honestly not that great but when I was editing it I just didn't know how to fix it. I hope you love it anyway!

Previous Chapter - Next Chapter - Masterlist

Fall 2022

You hated lines. You hated them more than anything. The thought of having to wait still with people in the front and back of you? Hell no. But here you are, waiting in line with your baby sister (you really shouldn't say baby, she’s twenty-four now), Madison and about four of her friends to purchase tickets for the Amelia County Fair. She used the excuse that she hadn't seen you in forever to convince you to go, even though you had work early tomorrow. 

Two months ago you came back, for good… probably. 

After you finished your Masters in Social Work a job opened up in Denver, Colorado. Well paying and far away from Wabang, just what you wanted. You had spent six whole years there making new friends, had a few boyfriends, and even your own apartment. 

Madison’s grip tightened on your elbow as the line moved up a foot or two, dragging you on like you were the little sister. 

Six years was long enough to make you forget about Perry and the Abbotts. It rarely entered your mind, you were twenty-nine now so there was no use freaking out over something that happened when you were twenty-three. Your parents were wildly understanding when you told them you broke up with Perry, but that’s probably because you didn't tell them any more of the story. 

Your dad never mentioned anything about the ring, even though you know Perry asked him for his permission. He never told your mom either, or else you knew she would surely be devastated. 

You were happy for Perry, you really were. Your mom told you he got married and had a baby some time after you left, a little girl named Amy. You sometimes saw Cecilia’s posts on Facebook, she was a cute little girl and probably everything Perry would have ever wanted. Every other post was of Amy at a 4H meeting or something she drew that got hung up on the fridge, always with his pretty wife too. 

You had to wonder if she really was happy in that tiny house, your ma says she isn't, always hearing about how her and Perry fight like dogs about it. Cecilia’s words, not hers, she always clarifies. 

As for Rhett, you certainly saw him less frequently. Sure, he was in some of Cecilia’s Facebook posts, but he hardly ever posted on his socials (like he ever did in the first place). To be honest, you unfollowed the whole family on all social media. 

The only time you would look was when you were definitely under the influence and  super, super bored. 

Sometimes your job didn't allow you to go home on holidays, but you tried the best you could on all major ones. 

The last time you saw him was four years ago at your family’s Fourth of July BBQ. Rhett was of course handsome, how could he ever not be? In a plain cornflower blue t-shirt and jeans, he looked almost monochromatic. You two kept your distance in the short time he was there, Cecilia probably dragged him along probably with the promise to Perry that she wouldn't stay there for too long as your mom and her were still best friends.

It is beyond ridiculous looking back from where you are now in life but you didn't know if you should be embarrassed or incredibly turned on when you went back inside for a lighter and found Rhett sitting on the same couch he fucked you in front of. Just chilling with one of your uncles (which then wiped away all forms of desire and just left you with this icky feeling in your chest that you defiled your family’s home). 

Finally, you were at the front of the line. The woman taking your cash had a tired expression on her face, counting the bills quickly before asking your group, “Only two dollars more for tickets that include the rodeo. Wanna upgrade?” 

You internally groaned as your sister and her friends immediately started bickering, trying to decide if that two dollars extra would be worth it. Looking up at the sky, it started to gradually turn into a pretty deep orange in the horizon. Hugging your denim jacket closer, you were thankful you brought it. It was nice to finally be back in your usual garb, rather than your business casual all day every day. 

“I think we should!” A voice rose above the rest. You looked down from the sky and your eyes landed on Maria, a girl your sister admittedly wasn't too close with, but someone she considered a friend anyways. 

Maria turned towards the woman, her shiny dark hair whipping around her shoulders as she confirmed the ‘upgrade’ in tickets. Reaching into your pocket you reluctantly pulled out your wallet and plucked two bills out, handing them to Madison who coupled them with hers, handing it into the woman. You watched as she flipped half-heartedly through the paper and turned around in her little booth, grabbing an ink pad and stamp. 

Maria was the first one to go, eagerly pushing her fist under the glass cut out and the rest of your group followed through, you being the last one. A soft, “Thank you.” Left your lips as you smiled at the woman who kept her head down through the whole interaction. 

When you finally caught up with your sister you grabbed her elbow as she did yours, leaning into her ear as you two walked, “Why is Maria so eager to watch?” You murmured softly as to not catch the attention of the other girls.

“I dunno, probably some guy she likes is riding tonight. She chose the day we were coming here too.” Madison whispered back and you rolled your eyes. So Maria is the one to blame for your sister politely demanding you go this day rather than another day that worked better for you.

With the group you walked around till sundown, stuffed full with fry bread and ice cream. A few times Madison bought something and begged you to try it. Fried oreos, loaded fries, pleading with you as she tried her hardest to offer you a fried pickle spear that you were insistent on declining on account of all the other fried foods you ate earlier. 

-

You didn’t get a sip of water till you sat down in the stadium seats, twisting off the top of your plastic bottle you basically downed the whole thing in one sitting. 

Mutton busting was always a fan favorite, sweet little kids with ridiculous names like Gunnar and Zadie holding on for dear life as their crisp white sheep zips through the arena. The family of one of the kids sat right behind your group, hooting and hollering as their little TrudyMae was one of the last girls still holding on. 

“Wanna go to the concession stand?” Your sister’s unexpected whisper startled you, whipping your head around to playfully glare at her.

“Yeah of course I do.” You smacked her shoulder and got up, swinging your leg over the empty seats in front of you. 

Down at the concession stand, you both got a cup of cheap beer.

“Why does this literally taste like ass?” Madison exclaimed as you started walking away from the booth, her face wrinkled up as she leaned over to steal a sip yours, disappointed to see that it tasted the exact same. You shrugged your shoulders and looked at the lonely ice cube swimming in the yellow liquid, it indeed tasted horrible. 

“I dunno, makes me wonder why everyone gets it.” You laugh, looking around at all the people around you also holding the clear solo cups. 

When you made it back to the stairs, a handsome man was standing at the top. He smiled at you under a thick mustache, stepping to the side as you climbed the stairs. You smiled sheepishly back, heat reaching your cheeks as he tipped his head towards you, the brim of his cowboy hat covering his eyes. 

“Howdy.” He drawled, the gold chain under his button up glinting in the stadium lights.

“Hey.” You replied, almost tripping over your boots as you passed him. 

When you were a safe enough distance away, your sister squealed like a toddler, grabbing your shoulder and shaking, “Oh my god did you see that? He was so cute! And he was looking directly at you.” She gushed, and you did admit the interaction did make you lighter on your feet. 

Your beer sloshed as you grabbed on to the railing to steady yourself. 

Opening your mouth in an attempt to say something witty, you glance up into the stands and your blood goes cold. Perry and his parents were sitting almost all the way at the top, a little blonde girl was sitting next to him, swinging her legs and playing on someone’s phone. 

“Why are the Abbotts here?” 

Madison stopped in her tracks and raised an eyebrow at you, “Girl, what?” 

“Don’t ‘girl what’ me. I’m just… I don't know, I didn’t expect them to be here.” You mutter frantically as you desperately try to get her to start walking again, the two of you stopped almost directly in front of their section. 

She started moving again, pursing her lips, “I thought you were over Perry. You know he has a kid-” 

“I am! You know I am. Let’s just drop it, Madison.” You cut her off before she could say anything else, closing in on your section. 

Bull riding had already begun, the rodeo clown was running around and clinging onto fences as the bull charged him, the crowd around you laughing hysterically at his ridiculous outfit and his attempts to distract the animal from hurting the rider that got flung to the ground. 

You sipped on your warm beer as you watched man after man, not paying attention to the scores or really what the announcer was saying. You glanced over a few times to look at the Abbotts, thankfully a group was always standing in front of them, prohibiting you from seeing them, so you stopped. 

“Alright Amelia County, let’s hear it for our local boy, Rhett Abbott.” 

Immediately, your ears perked up at the sound of the announcer, promptly abandoning the hangnail you were chewing on in favor of scanning the back fencing to find Rhett. 

“He’s gonna be ridin’ Twister, one of the more ranked bulls you're gonna see here tonight.” 

The MC’s voice was almost drowned out by all the excitement going on around you, seemingly everyone there for Rhett. As the guys in front of you stood up to watch, so did you, rapidly jumping to your feet to see over them. You did a double take to the side, Maria standing the same time you did, her hands coming to her mouth to project her voice. 

Rhett was locked in the chute straddling a massive gray bull, you could barely make out his facial expression with how far away you were. Before he could even wrap the rope around his hand, Twister was already getting anxious and ramming his spotted flank against the metal of the pen. 

In the time that it took you to blink, he was out. Truly, it felt like the longest six seconds of your life. Rhett barely made it out of the chute, Twister bucking and flinging his body every which way. 

A gasp left your body when Rhett’s body hit the ground, everyone around you groaning in defeat. Your eyes flicked to the scoreboard and you sat when you saw the results. 

“Damn, was hopin’ for a better ride from him.” Muttered Madison, crossing her jean clad legs.

“Bummer.” Chirped her friend on her other side, nodding in agreement. Leaning forward a bit you wondered what Maria would say, waiting for her exclamation. She just looked disappointed, pulling out her phone. 

-

It was time to go home, but you strayed from the group. When you got down from the stands, Madison eagerly pointed you in the direction of the mustached man you encountered earlier, giddy when you finally gave in and said you would try to go find him. 

Making your way through the hoards of people, you headed over to behind the arena where the contestants park their trailers. You really weren't allowed in this part of the grounds, but as long as you looked confident, no one would question you. You were certainly dressed the part of a bull rider's girlfriend anyways. 

A white straw hat was what you were searching for, which would be pretty uncommon since the weather was getting colder. He was pretty tall too, which made it even easier to spot him when you did, making you instantly smile and start speed walking towards him. 

The mysterious man had his back to you, chatting with others who you could only assume to be his friends. 

In your hurry to get to him you accidentally clash shoulders with a random man headed opposite of you. In any other circumstance you would stop and apologize profusely, but you were on a mission. 

Turning your body halfway, you start side stepping, “Oh my- I’m so sorry, sorry mister!” 

You cringed as he gave you a dirty look and waved you off, making you press your teeth together tightly as you turned. 

A tuft of weeds in the otherwise smooth dirt path gets under your feet, making you stumble and trip on your own shoes. To make it even worse, you are suddenly met with someone’s chest. You start falling backwards, your arms go up instinctively but whoever you just ran into grabs your forearms right before you fall back on your ass. 

“Thank you, god I am so, so sorry sir. I-” You begin to ramble trying to regain your balance. You try to pull your arms back but are met with resistance, looking up in confusion why this man won't let you go. 

It’s like in the movies, the whole world goes quiet around you two.

“You're back.” Rhett states, looking down at you. His cheek was already showing signs of bruising and his eye was bloodshot, probably from the face-first fall he took in the arena. 

Nodding, your heart quickened at the realization of your closeness. 

If he wasn't all muscle then, he sure was now. Rhett was still sporting the longer hair, darker in color but still long enough to curl behind his ears like it did six years ago. He wasn't clean shaven anymore either, the lightest bit of stubble dusting his jaw that you now notice was also bruised up. 

“I am.” You confirm, voice trembling the tiniest bit, “Two months ago. I live in Lander.” Long gone was the thought of the other man you were searching for. Rhett’s gorgeous blue eyes searched yours, he had light wrinkles around them and between his eyebrows. 

“Why?” Rhett asks like it has a simple answer. He asks it like he’s talking about the weather or how birds know to chirp. 

He’s still holding your arms hostage, but when you glance down from his face you find your own hands fisting the thick leather vest he has on. 

Looking up, you tilt your head the tiniest bit. His breath fanning out on your face in soft puffs. He smells like sweat, beer, and dirt. It envelops you like warmth on a summer day. 

“My dad is uh… he’s sick. So I’m helpin’ my momma take care of him.” It was a lot more complicated than that. 

“‘m sorry, I had no idea-”

“It’s okay, how could you know?” Your thumbs rubbed over the leather, the frayed stitching fibers moving up and down with each stroke.

Rhett looked up from your face and at the dying crowd around you, looking like he was searching for something. Turning your face in the direction he was staring, you saw nothing and went back to him. 

Every unresolved repressed feeling you had within the last six years pushed its way into your throat, suffocating you completely. 

Letting go of his vest, you pulled against his hands, “I gotta go, Madison’s waiting for me.” You whispered, Rhett’s eyes snapping back to yours.

“Just, just stay a little longer-” Rhett starts, furrowing his brow. You shake your head and he finally releases you reluctantly, his palms sliding from your wrists to your hands, letting go finally as his fingertips brush yours. 

That was the second time you ran away from Rhett Abbott. 

See me on AO3 as Creatchie8 too for a full list of tags & more!

[hoshinoyozora]

The Immortal’s Feelings

🖤 Pairing: Yandere! Malleus Draconia x Female! Reader feat. Silver

💛 Word Count: 0,7k+

❤ Warnings: -

[Edited]

Do not re-upload my writing to another website or use it without my permission. Also, don’t ask for a sequel unless I like the story enough to write one. Please reblog so other people can see my stories!***

I’m not a psychology student, but I think it’s interesting how (forced) transformation can affect human psyche. Then again, my depiction won’t be perfect considering I’m someone with neutral feelings nearly all the time (at least enough until some people close to me call me emotionless lmao).

“Why did you become a knight, Silver?”

You sipped the tea calmly and gracefully; an act that was enough to make the majority of people here acknowledged you as their queen, but never enough to make them accept you. At least, all those tedious lessons about table manners paid off somewhat.

“Because I want to repay my father and His Majesty’s kindness.”

“I see.” you mused, putting down the cup on the saucer with a soft clink. “So, I guess no matter what I do, you’ll always be loyal to him, huh…”

Silver gripped his knees.

“You are the queen, so I’ll still obey your orders.”

“Anyone can obey me, but not everyone can be loyal to me. That’s probably the first thing I’ve learned since my… coronation.”

You hated that word. It sounded too noble, too posh, too heavy. As if it was something you should be honored with, rejoiced over. It might be better to rule over the people who hated you rather than live among them, but it didn’t make the experience any less unpleasant.

“I won’t lie and say that what he did was right, but fairies tend to love intensely.”

“And humans love freedom. They need it, even. But, at the end of the day, I’m just an artificial fae, aren’t I?” you sneered. “Even humanity feels alien to me now, like a concept too abstract for me to understand.”

The last part came out more as a heartfelt confession than a bitter remark. Sometimes you woke up and felt a deep hollowness inside your chest, as if someone had ripped your heart out and left you as a husk. Or a robot, because you were still functional. Yes, you did your duty as a queen and a wife; a routine that was as normal as sleeping and eating now. There were times when you experienced any kind of emotion too, and you quickly forgot the reason behind it. Why were you happy? Why were you sad? It didn’t make any sense. Your brain had overpowered your body at this point, and what was left of your heart was used to accommodate the petty offense over an insult, perceived or not.

Back then, you would’ve called it embarrassing. Nobody should be sensitive enough to attack someone just because they forgot to greet you. But now, you’d made great use of Malleus by ordering him to publicly humiliate the offender. Something still caught you from committing a worst act, though, and you weren’t sure whether you should be relieved or not. Whether it was your lingering humanity or the warnings you’d gotten from people who deemed themselves important enough to not embarrass yourself.

And yet, Malleus was happy. Proud, even. Although you’d learned it was much better to use him than defy him, anger would resurface and remind you that asking for his help was similar to needing him. Then, memories of him forcing you to marry him and transforming you into a pathetic, subpar version of himself would spark all the forgotten feelings, only for them to disappear when you tried so hard to remember why you hated Malleus in the first place.

It was a confusing event all around, and your husband, with his limited knowledge of human psyche and the effect of your transformation, chalked it up to ‘mood swing’. Still, it did change your attitude to everyone else and led them to look at you the same way they looked at Malleus; with fear, and probably less respect.

After all, you were nothing without him.

But then, you spotted Silver helping his sparring partner from the ground and remembered that humanity was about helping each other. At least, that was what you thought, until you heard his explanation.

“… I have nothing to say, Your Majesty.” Silver admitted shamefully.

You closed your eyes and sighed.

“Of course, you don’t. You’re just a human raised by faes. You know about humanity as much as I do.” You waved your hand dismissively. “Now, leave. I want to be alone right now.”

You heard the chair scrape against the stone masonry, but you didn’t bother to acknowledge his respectful bow. It was only after he went inside the castle, did you open your eyes and peer down through the balcony.

A few mortal servants and knights scattered here and there, and you wondered whether you could sway this minority group to join your side with your experiences as a former human.

[rosiegirlie]

Here to bother you about your OC if that's okay because I miss her! Can we get a sneak peek of her and Rosie's next interaction? 😁 - @softspeirs

bother away omg thank you for asking about Billie !! You're so sweet !!! So this is the only thing I've actually written for my next little installment, everything else I have is in a rough outline. As a warning it takes place towards the end of the thing so it might give a bit away and I'm sorry if that bothers you. And as a follow up warning this will most likely be edited/revised for when I put the whole thing together lol. But I hope you enjoy the taste !!

“Do you want to talk about it?” Rosie's voice was gentle as he asked.

“Harry already told you what happened.” Billie grumbled.

“That’s not what I meant.” Rosie reached out and brushed back a stray piece of Billie’s hair. Chills rushed down Billie’s arms as his fingers gently traced the back of her ear. She ached for more of his touch as soon as his fingers left her skin.

“What did you mean then?” Billie was sure she knew what he meant but she couldn’t stop herself from asking. She didn’t know why she needed to hear Rosie spell out exactly what he meant but it probably had something to do with her past of jumping to conclusions and ruining too many things before they even started.

“I thought you wanted a quiet night.” He lifted her hand up and kissed her knuckles that had finally stopped bleeding. “This isn’t quiet.” 

Billie looked away from Rosie but didn’t pull her hand away. “I don’t know if I can talk about it quite yet.” She confessed while staring at how their fingers wrapped around each other. 

“Is it about Eddie?” 

Billie looked back up at Rosie. He’d always been so easy for her to read but now that he was drunk he was an open book. He was so worried for her it made Billie’s heart skip a beat. She didn’t deserve him.

She shook her head and answered, “No, it’s nothing to do with Eddie.” Billie sighed and said, “It’s embarrassing…” she trailed off with a weak chuckle. 

Billie ran her free hand through her hair and her fingers caught on a couple of knots but she forced them through. She ripped out a couple of strands and tossed them out onto the ground in front of their bench. Billie felt so childish, so petty complaining to Rosie about gossip. She didn’t want to ruin his opinion of anyone even if she thought they deserved it. She knew how well respected Rebecca was on base. Besides, Billie didn’t want anyone else to get involved. She didn’t even think she could talk to Barbara about what she’d overheard and she told Barbara everything.

Rosie’s thumb rubbed over the back of her hand and Billie was pulled back into the moment. She felt herself leaning further into Rosie’s side. She’d fantasized countless times about what it would feel like to be wrapped up in his arms but none of them came close to the real thing. 

“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to. But I hope you know you can talk to me about anything. There is nothing embarrassing you could possibly say that would put me off.” Rosie let go of her hand and reached a finger out to playfully boop the tip of Billie’s nose. “Did I ever tell you about when I met Majors Egan and Cleven?” 

Billie shook her head. “I don’t think so, no.”

Rosie was blushing fiercely but smiled as he said, “Let’s just say talking about flying in your skivvies doesn’t make the best first impression.” 

Billie threw her head back and cackled. “You’re not serious.” 

“I wish I could say I was joking.”

The sound of footsteps on the gravel and laughter behind them interrupted Billie asking for the whole story. Rosie straightened up and pulled away from Billie to give more than the illusion of a respectable distance between them. Billie hated how sick the sudden distance made her feel. She wanted him back. She felt weightless without his arm around her but for the first time in her life she hated the feeling. She needed grounding.

The pair were quiet while the group of airmen walked behind them and their banter did little to fill the space between Billie and Rosie. Billie suddenly realized Rosie had listened to what she’d said all those hours ago. He was respecting her wishes and letting her set the pace. It felt like it had been an entire lifetime since she’d shied away from his advance. But the more she thought about it the more Billie found herself opposing her original stance. She’d already proved Rebecca right that night so Billie figured she might as well go all in on bringing the gossip to life. 

People were still walking behind them, an unknown number of witnesses but Billie mentally pushed them aside and leaned back into Rosie’s side to close the distance he’d created. An unspoken gesture of consent; the invitation he said he would wait for. His arm immediately wrapped around her shoulder and pulled her until two were pressed tighter together than they’d been before. Billie couldn’t help but giggle as she settled into her new position practically on top of Rosie’s lap. She couldn’t bare to move. He pressed a kiss onto the top of her forehead and Billie barely held back a whimper. It was such a soft sweet thing but she couldn’t remember the last time someone had kissed her forehead. Her stomach flipped as she followed the train of thought and realized, not for the first time, that no one had ever treated her with the reverence Rosie seemed to hold for her. 

She stretched her neck to look up at Rosie through her eyelashes. He looked as drunk as Billie felt and Billie knew with every fiber in her being that Rosie wouldn’t kiss her unless she initiated it. Even though his eyes kept darting from hers to her lips. Just like she could only pull herself away from thinking about what his mustache would feel like to stare back into his blue eyes. Billie felt ridiculous but nothing felt as right to her as looking at Rosie up close like this. She wanted to look at him for the rest of her life. Billie would be the luckiest girl in the world if she could. Without another thought Billie stretched her neck and pressed her lips to his. 

[hismercytomyjustice]

Definitely DID NOT just finish editing this week's chapter.

That would be crazy. You're crazy.

...but I am very happy with it, and very curious what folks will think...

And also extremely sorry. ╭( ๐_๐)╮

As I believe I said before, I have good news and bad news.

Good news, I fixed the problem I was having with Cazador.

Bad news, I fixed the problem I was having with Cazador.

He came across as too...nice (?) in the first draft. No, maybe permissive is a better word?

...I certainly don't think he does anymore!

Blah blah more OCD shit under the cut.

This chapter literally sent me into a 2 month long spiral that ultimately made me realize how much my OCD fucks with my writing, fanfic and otherwise. Which is why I bring up my OCD so much in relation to this fic.

Only took me ten fucking years to realize it! (ᇂ_ᇂ |||) But hey, we got there eventually!

I felt so fucking stupid/embarrassed venting to my therapist about my struggles with voluntarily writing fanfic. It's the same way I felt venting to her about the agonies I initially experienced when I decided to start taking piano lessons. It's not life or death! I didn't have to do either of those things! And yet I was so fucking upset about both. And wouldn't ya know it, turns out both were like catnip for my OCD!

I won't even begin to pretend I don't still have issues with my OCD and my writing. One of my super fun writing related obsessions lately is the deep seated fear I've gone into a fugue state and accidentally plagiarized other fics I've read. This was particularly bad with my latest Night Vale fic and my Hazbin Part 3 fic.

So, what's a person with OCD to do? Reassurance seeking and checking, of course! As I explained to my BFF the other day:

So obviously I spent hours googling Night Vale fanons and skimming/searching through Night Vale and Hazbin fics and other fics I'd previously read to make sure I hadn't accidentally copied someone else!

FUN FACT! I've read over 100 Hazbin fanfics alone! FUN FACT, IT IS PROBABLY (thanks for the qualifier, OCD) LITERALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO CHECK ALL OF THEM.

AND I AM ABSO-FUCKING-LUTELY NOT SUPPOSED TO DO THAT! That is MAJOR NO NO OCD behavior. It is a lapse. It is choosing to engage in a compulsion. Because, as they so succinctly put it at the OCD Conference I attended, a compulsion is a choice. The whole point of treatment for OCD is to quiet your obsessions and to learn how NOT to engage in your compulsions. OCD doesn't go away (unfortunately), but it can go into remission. Digging into a lapse/engaging in a compulsion ultimately pushes you closer to a relapse and further from remission.

But try telling that to yourself in the moment! Because my OCD thinks it is imperative to engage in the compulsion. Because otherwise I have to sit with the doubt/uncertainty/fear and try not to let it fester. It is so much easier in the short term to spend hours on checking and reassurance seeking. And, even worse, it makes you feel a little better in the moment!

But, as my friend so aptly said in the screenshot above, "something tells me you would just replace the thing you silenced with something new….."

Abso-fucking-lutely I would! And I did! I checked the fanons and fanfics I was most worried about, but I didn't check all of them! Even if I had, what if I thought I had and I missed one, the one that I actually may have accidentally copied? Or what if AO3's reading history isn't perfect and I checked everything and it left one off, the one that I actually may have accidentally copied?

To engage in a compulsion is to become the OCD equivalent of Sisyphus. Did you get the boulder to the top of the hill? Congratulations! Oops, looks like it rolled back down again... But this time it'll stay at the top of the hill for sure!

Right??? Right???

I did ultimately realize I was in an OCD spiral and made myself stop checking. Do I still want to? Absolutely I do! I want nothing more than to go through everything I've ever read with a fine tooth comb because otherwise I have to live with the doubt/fear/uncertainty. I have to accept I may have unintentionally been influenced by someone's work I read and loved, which would absolutely fucking devastate me because I would never do that kind of thing on purpose. It's against everything I believe in. It's cruel and it's wrong and oh god what if I did it accidentally and I'm cruel and wrong and a horrible fucking person?! This is it! This is when me and everyone else finally finds out I'm a horrible fucking person who can't write and whose only good ideas actually came from someone else!

My therapist would say something at this point like "But what if you didn't do that? What if you actually did come up with your ideas all on your own?" Or "It's possible. Anything is possible. That doesn't mean it's likely." Or "Even if you did, it's obviously not something you'd do on purpose."

Meanwhile my OCD brain is just like "We have to come up with contingencies for if you accidentally did do it and how you'll respond and fix it." And "It's just a matter of time before someone else finds what you missed when checking. What are you going to do then?" And "If it did happen, you'll have to give up writing forever and destroy your tumblr and forever hide from the justified mob consisting of the entire internet who will rightfully hunt you to the ends of the earth."

So, yeah. Needless to say, I STILL DESPERATELY WANT TO GO BACK TO CHECKING AND REASSURANCE SEEKING. But I'm going to try not to. And thank goodness I have therapy tomorrow because this shit has been living rent free in my head (in the bad way) for literal weeks now.

I keep trying to remind myself I can either continue compulsing or I can just keep fucking writing and hope for the best.

And yeah, my therapist did mention last session that I should probably ask my doctor about upping my antidepressants. Why do you ask?

Fuck it is mortifying to write all this shit out. And, ngl, my OCD is just like "Well, at least you have timestamped proof you didn't plagiarize anyone on purpose! But, y'know, no one will believe you anyway when they ultimately find the evidence you couldn't and confront you and run you out of internet town!"

...so yeah, I scheduled an appointment with my doctor for later this week to talk about upping my antidepressants... Because goodness gracious. It's not just about this. I'm still struggling with burnout (and maybe a resurgence of depression) and OCD in other areas of my life. It just so happens this latest spiral has been taking up a lot of real estate in my head lately.

[sinsofthefather-kulemi]

Methods of Transportation

Despite most of the characters living in areas with reasonably reliable public transport, or could simply walk to their destinations, not all of them do so. Let's dicuss!

Note: The story begins in 1989 (I shifted it a year ahead of canon for purposes.)

Goro, of course, is more likely to stroll his way from Point A to Point B but when he can't be bothered (or he's trying to get someone off his trail) even he will hop in a taxi from time to time. If he were able to go out of Sotenbori, he would use the train to travel long distances. No doubt about it. He tries to be environmentally environmental conscious when he can.

Arika is a lot like Goro in that she doesn't turn her nose up at the idea of walking where she needs to go. She does alot of long distance travel though, and so the subway is a godsend for getting her to and from work. On the rare occasion that she can talk her father out of picking her up so that they can fly out to Okinawa, she takes the train and then a short taxi ride to the airport. Back when she was in college, she'd even bought herself a bike to help get her around despite both Hiroshi and Kenjiro offering to have someone chauffeur her around when needed.

It's not everyday that Hiroshi drives but when he does it's typically because he's given his chauffeur the day off (or he's sent him home for the day). He does prefer to be the driver when he's spending quality time with his family (work and events when his family is also present is a different story). Family Man Hiro loves to be behind the wheel playing the respectable but fun loving husband and father. Can't sell that feeling with a large, brooding gentleman with muscles on his muscles in the driver's seat, right?

He owns three vehicles: his personal, which is something very recent, that only he drives, the family vehicle and then there's the one for work that only his chauffeur is authorized to operate. His personal, the MR2 was a bit of a flashy splurge. When he and Arika have non-Edna related plans he likes to pop up on her in it simply because he knows that she gets wildly embarrassed by it. The Skyline was the source of inspiration behind a purchase Kenjiro later made as it was the vehicle he used to drive the girls around when he was a resident of the Namikawa home.

In order from left to right (recent personal, family, work) [1988 Toyota MR2/ 1980 Nissan Skyline 2000GT/ 1980 Nissan President Sovereign]

When most people think of Kenjiro Hara, they think of a few things; his looks, that damn club or that freakin car. He'd prefer it if people talked about the car and nothing else. It's his baby. Before working as a chauffeur for the Namikawa women, he never cared much for cars. He walked just as much as the next guy but just being in proximity to that family afforded him luxuries he would have never dreamed of back when he was just a punk kid on the street. One of those things being the ability to ride stylishly to and fro whenever his heart deserved (so long as he made sure the girls were sorted first, of course). After Arika moved to Osaka for college, Hiro had Kenji live in Kanto for a while and he tried the public transport thing. He did. But he couldn't stand it.

He bought himself something nice but it wasn't something that he saw himself in for long. Just until the right thing came along- it got him where he needed to go. Naturally, it was cool- of course. But then, in 1989, the right thing did come along and he was first in line with cash in hand. The only way Kenjiro would step foot on a bus or train is if he's on a mission that calls for it. Otherwise, he's spent too much damn money on his Skyline to not ride it until the wheel falls off-- Not that he'd ever let that happen. After all, that's his sweet girl.

[ 1989 Nissan Skyline GT-R]

Edit: Edna is left out intentionally. This post will be updated at a later date!

[froggie-bolt]

Just a Digimon Adventure 2020 Post about The TaiShiro Moments

(Sub)

I love how Taichi and Koushiro are both shown to think highly of the other. Taichi even brags about how smart koushiro is sometimes, its so wholesome.

Everytime the group gets separated, the first person Taichi tries to call is almost always Koushiro.

and in the first episode Koushiro meets up with the rest of the group in the digital world, Taichi's face immediately lights up.

Like if anything happens ever, Koushiro usually addresses Taichi right away. Between Him and Tentomon, both are the ones checking in on Koushiro and making sure he's doing okay.

Specific moments from episode 36:

"but there's only 20 minutes left"

"that's more than enough"

"we won't know unless we try right?" Taichi believing in his ability.

"but--"

"there's no time left, lets go"

"alright, I'll support you!"

Then

"Let's go, koushiro!"

"R-Right!"

Then

Koushiro, you have to do this!"

"me!? No way! I can support you, but I can't--"

"koushiro"

"I leave it to you."

"Taichi-san..."

"I'm counting on you."

*kou hesitates*

"Right!"

"Go, Kosuhiro!"

AND THEN KOUSHIRO THINKING ABOUT HOW HE HAS ATLURKABUTERIMON, AND THEN SPECIFICALLY THINKS BACK TO WHAT TAICHI SAID TO HIM IN EPISODE 3 BEFORE THINKING OF EVERYONE ELSE TOO-

It was also just great to see Koushiro feeling good about his own ability- especially with this music at the end, damn.

episode 43 was funny.

They call eachother like, every episode to see how it's going.

Episode 59

So when they get that trial wrong, Taichi is taken, and [digimon] says he's gonna undergo surgery to become a digimon.

Taichi just smiles and says "Nah don't worry about me guys, I leave the rest to you Koushiro."

Then Koushiro blames himself for whats gonna happen to taichi.

And whiole all this is going on, we know taichi is worried about how the other is handling it right now, since he's under a lot of stress.

Bro koushiro looked so sad.

and then tentomon always believes in koushiro, always. which is exactly what he needs

EDIT

SO THE ENGLISH DUB JUST CAME OUT A FEW DAYS AGO AND IVE WATCHED (at least the episode with TaiShiro moments) SOME OF IT AND I HAVE MORE THINGS TO SAY

So let’s start from the top once again

(Dub)

Episode 1’s script for the most part is unchanged :)

However, there is the changes to the names.

While in the original Tai was just ‘Tai’, this time his full name is Taichi, and Tai is just a nickname. His last name though has still been changed to Kamiya instead of Yagami.

Koushiro actually does keep his Japanese name in the English dub! But this time ‘Izzy’ is also just a nickname. Of course, he retains his last name ‘Izumi’ like he did in the original English dub.

ANYWAY ANYWAY

one of my favourite bits from episode 1, is when Koushiro is showing Taichi his timeline, and Taichi goes something like:

(I actually posted the clip here)

“Well..I’m really bad at that stuff. You’re awesome, Koushiro!”

And Kou seems surprised and caught off guard by the complement, before quickly turning his attention back to his tablet in embarrassment and saying:

“Y-You can just call me Izzy—!”

And we know later in the dub, that Koushiro prefers being alone, which also suggests he doesn’t have many friends, or doesn’t go out of his way to make any. He doesn’t really like being around people. So we can guess that before Taichi, the only people that call him Izzy are his parents.

So Koushiro giving Taichi express permission to call him Izzy, especially for Koushiro, is something special and significant, even if Taichi doesn’t know this.

I will absolutely be adding onto this in the future

[16-pennies]

Literally hurling myself into your ask box to say I LOVE Silver and I am shamefully, shamefully behind on reading it.

Have you ever done that thing where you open a fic in a tab, burn through 50k of it in a day, and then like... lose the tab? And forget to subscribe? And then come back months later and you can't even remember what chapter you got to???

It's completely disgraceful and I'm going to be re-reading it from the beginning, which actually just works out as a wonderful little treat for myself!

Aaaaanyway that's my grovelling done. Sorry you're bored and lonely! That sucks :( AMA literally whenever I'm never busy lol

So a question for you!

How are you feeling now you're so close to the end of Silver?! From the dates it looks like you're on track for finishing it almost exactly two years after starting it! Do you have something else that you're working on next, or are you taking a well-deserved break?

Hi hi hi!!! Thank you so much for the ask <3 And you're so relatable. The number of fics I've half-read and then completely lost track of is embarrassing. I'd love to hear your thoughts as you embark on your reread!

I didn't even notice that Silver might wrap up on its 2 year anniversary. It's strange to think of how much my life has changed in that period. As to how I'm feeling... nervous 😬 I have no problem admitting that plot is my weakness and I think satisfying endings are difficult for me. I'd hate to think that my readers made it through 220k+ only to feel like I could've wrapped it up better.

But other than my own insecurity, I'm excited to be able to say I have a completed draft for such a massive word count. There are still a few scenes I need to fill in, which is why I don't know exactly how many chapters are left.

I'll probably make a more detailed post about this when the story is finished, but I came up with the premise for Silver and wrote the first chapter(s) when I was 15. (So if you're rereading those early chapters, sorry about the lesser quality. I did my best with editing.) I didn't come back to it until I was 21. It's been an interesting journey, writing characters that I looked up to and now am much older than.

Anyway. Let me stop there before I philosophise for thousands of words.

Since I finished the bulk of Silver in 2021, I've been working on my next longfic (thought not as long as Silver) I'm calling The Trial. It's a lumione, post-canon Ministry shenanigans with some trauma not-quite-recovery thrown in. I know that ship isn't everyone's cup of tea, but it's been my guilty pleasure for years and I'm excited to write something more substantial than one-shots for them. It's also been one of the most challenging drafts I've ever worked on, as far as process goes, but that's a different conversation.

That's probably way more answer than you asked for, so I'll stop here, but if you ever want to chat my ask/messages/whatever else are always open!

bel

[spidertgirl]

Spider-Gwen and the Case of the Monday Blues

Part One- Monday Morning, So Forlorning

TW: This is just a little pre-Spider-Verse, ITSV Spider-Gwen transromance fic with Peter Parker (AFAB, before coming out). As the story takes through Gwen’s perspective, Patricia is dealt in prose as a woman. This is a plot point. Let me WRITE!!

This is also supposed to be cushy as shit so don’t take this too seriously. I literally finished writing it and immediately copy and pasted it here without any edits so its a bit rough. I just like posting.

Gwen hated Mondays.

Well, more than most. Sundays she tended to stay up all night, either catching up on schoolwork she missed catching criminals, or criminals she missed catching up on schoolwork.

Either way, loud blaring music kept her up far into the night. Last Night’s flavor was a local Hardcore band, mixed with some Beastie Boys, and a bit of Shoegaze.

Her ears were screaming bloody valentines like the worst hangover imaginable, and the wind rushing past them as she swung between skyscrapers did nothing to help. She had to stop and fall onto a nearby taxi just to get some relief.

Which was odd, she would have noticed if she had time to think. Her Sunday routine had long included ear-breaking decibels before and she thought nothing of it. A part wondered if she had just left her earphones in overnight, or taken a few too many hits, but the whole of her was somewhere else.

Something about this morning just drove her Spidey Sense wild. She barely felt it unless danger was right before her. Gwen looked everywhere- no danger. Well, a few dangers. She cautiously stopped a falling passerby, slowed a speeding car, tied a stranger's shoes, and a great deal more simple but thoughtful gestures. It did nothing to heal head, ear, or sense.

But her fears came and past, her school almost came and past before she realized it, and she was quickly distracted by another fear.

“Guess what day it is today?” Patricia asked. Gwen shook her head.

“No, I give up.”

“You didn’t even try! C’mon, one guess.”

“Mmm… the day Mr. Peterson is finally gonna commit to his alopecia and just go bald?” Her friend laughed, and gave her a light push on the shoulder.

“I’m serious!”

“So am I, there are only so many hats in the world that can cover up that sunk cost fallacy.”

“So you have no clue?”

“As clueless as Scooby Doo. Or Cher. Can I change my answer to Cher?”

“Honey, if you’re Cher I’ll get to be Tai.”

“Why Tai? Oh that rhymes!”

“Why Tai, why I always related to her untamable mass of curly hair, my Cheri.”

Gwen realized it was halfway through English and she still didn’t know what Patricia was talking about.

“I’m lost.”

“It’s not that hard Gwen, Mr. Morton is the subject of the sentence because-”

“No, what’s today?”

“One month.”

“Seriously?”

“Yeah.”

“Still nothing.”

“Babe, I love you but you really are clueless.”

“What’re you gonna do with me?”

“Maybe throw you out in a box like a cat. Or, I guess a Jar would be more fitting.”

“Wha- oh. Haha, very funny.” She thought for a moment.

“Do the cat’s really get thrown out with a box? I thought they found it. Like a hermit crab.”

“Of course, otherwise it’s just a cruel thing to do, throwing out a cat.”

“Yeah, but they have a bad habit of getting back in. We used to have-”

“This cat named Mary who used to sneak into your house and-”

“We could never quite throw out- what don’t you know about me?”

“Nothing, now think.”

Gwen could only think of Patty throwing her out the window in a glass cup.

Maybe the shock would get her feeling right. She didn’t know if it was sleep deprivation, embarrassment, or some secret third thing that was keeping her from focusing, but it was driving her insane.

She loved Patricia, and she really wanted to do right by her and their relationship. But she knew they had been dating for almost a year at this point, so ‘one month’ didn’t quite make sense. If only this damn fog would leave her head!

And that creepy feeling down her spine, if she could help it. It’s terribly unhelpful to have a spider sense that’s always turned on. Like radar at a metal concert- useless. Absolutely and positively useless.

She took a hit of the dog that bit her between classes, a smooth, poppier song. It almost did the thing, but a tug on her shoulder stopped her and took her headphones before she had the chance.

“What, you avoiding me now?”

“W- No, never! I’m just… kinda out of it.”

“I’m busting your literal and proverbial balls babe. Go to the nurse, see if she can help. And keep thinking!”

Gwen was gonna refuse- super healing and all- but remembered an especially bad hit to the side of her head that knocked her vision out for a few seconds. And apparently some memory too- not good. That’s concussion territory, she thought.

Or not, she didn’t have a super good grasp on medical sciences, but she watched enough scary news stories with her dad about sports medicine to know concussions are common and quick killers.

Still nothing on the date front though. She thought about everything she did a month ago, everything she said. Only the foggiest came through, the rest a mystery.

“What seems to be the problem?”

“I, uh… fell pretty hard and I think I might have a concussion. So… could you check it out?”

The nurse laughed.

“Sure, Bren- is that right?” the nurse eyed her up and down, with a wary eye.

“Gwen, ma’am.”

“Well, Gwen, why do you think you have a concussion?” she said, pulling out a small flashlight.

“Follow my finger.”

“I just feel sorta odd,” she said, eye clinging to finger for dear life.

“Headache?”

“Yeah.”

“Nausea?”

“A little.”

“Confusion?”

“A lot- I mean, huh?”

“Funny girl- loss of consciousness?”

“Uh, when I first… fell?”

“For how long?”

“Oh, a few seconds.” Barely two, by her guess. Not enough for her to lose her footing in the fight, but just enough to distract her, let them get the slightest upper hand.

It was a big job, with some fancy weapons. Not street level crime, this was something bigger. She kept one for questioning, but…

Wait, what happened to him? Gwen was half convinced she let him sit there forever while she went home in a fugue state, but that didn’t seem to likely.

“Ringing in the ears?”

“No, but they’re sensitive.”

“Blurry vision?”

“No? I mean, I wear contacts.”

“Blurrier vision?” Gwen squinted.

“No.”

“Ok, anything else? You can quit following my finger now.” Gwen didn’t realize she followed it right into her coat pocket.

“Oh, sorry. I feel… on edge, I guess.”

“On edge?”

“Yeah. Tingly, frightful.”

“Anxious?”

“Yeah, that’s the word! Anxious- more anxious.”

The nurse walked back to her computer.

“Ok, you probably have a concussion.”

“Shit- I mean-”

“It’s fine. Did you drive here?”

“No, I’m a freshman.”

“Good. Call your dad and have him take you to the hospital.”

“Cool- can I go outside to make the call?”

“No, I don’t think you should honestly be doing any extraneous physical activity.”

Gwen made her phone call in complete view of the nurse, much to her chagrin. The Nurse didn’t even make an effort to turn away- in fact, it seemed like she was watching the detail with great detail!

Gwen did not like this Nurse.

Gwen almost toppled over Patricia.

“Oh, watch where- oh hey. Did you just swing into me? Do you have a concussion?”

“No time to explain- I need makeup wipes.”

Patricia did not look happy.

“I’d actually kind of like to know my if my girlfriend’s got a concussion, actually.” Gwen was taken aback.

“I- shit, I’m sorry, I’m just really in a rush and I’m in a hurry-”

“Spider-Woman shit?”

“Life shit! I finally have life shit again- P, I just need you to start rummaging for your makeup wipes and I’ll explain.”

“Fine,” Patricia said, swinging her bag around and digging through it.

“I totally do have a concussion and I’m super sorry that I don’t remember what day it is but I just snuck out of the nurse’s bathroom to find you because my dad’s about to pick me up and she made me take the phonecall in front of her, and-”

“Here-”

“I thought that would take longer-” Gwen said, grabbing them, before Patricia holds them back.

“And?”

“And? Oh, I love you?”

“Sure, hon. Love you too.”

They both ran to the bathroom and started taking the make up off, four sinks running to hide their chat.

“So what actually is it?”

“It’s your one month transiversary, hun! Or, one month of being out at school.”

“Wait, really? Shit, I had no idea. Do you keep like a… handbook on me at home or something?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know?”

“No, I actually kinda would. That’s sorta weird.”

“More of a scrapbook?”

“That’s sorta cute- how do I look?”

“Ready for a Proud Boys rally. Well, drop the wig. And the skirt. And the thigh highs. And the-”

“I get it, I need to change. I’ll be back.”

“Can I watch?” Patty joked from outside the stall.

“I’ll have to charge you!” Gwen said, rummaging through her purse, past her Spiderwoman costume from her morning swing, and pulling out her slacks and sneakers.

“How long do you have?”

“I don’t know, probably a good ten, fifteen minutes. I used a youtube compilation called Ten Hours of People Shititng Farting And Groaning.”

“Weird and gross.”

“Even weirder thing is I had it saved.”

“Ew, gross.”

“Yeah, but pretty clever. Bet you're proud of your ol gir-” when Gwen opened the door, Patty was holding a small colorful parcel, wrapped with ribbon.

“I- is this a gift?”

“Yeah. I was gonna do blue and pink but I figured that’s a lil sus, so it’s red and blue. Basically the same thing. I had to cut up an american flag wrapping paper to make it, so the lace has a few holes that were once stars.”

“Aww, I love a little rebellious flag code violation! This is so sweet Pats, you didn’t have to. Can I open it in the hospital.”

“Oh, not… here?”

“Well it’s been ten minutes so far, and I need time to swing back and find the right window. And honestly I think I probably shouldn’t even swing. Besides, it'll cheer me up, I hate hotel rooms. Sorry, is that not fine?”

“Uh, no. No, it’s totally cool, babe, I get it. I don’t want you to be depressed if you’re there for a while. Call me if you’re there past six and I’ll visit you.”

“Ok- thank you, for everything. I really mean it. I… I don’t know. I owe you something. A lot, really babe. I’m sorry this Spider-Woman thing is such a problem.”

“I get it. Great Power means Great Responsibility.”

“That’s beautiful. Is that from one of your poems?”

“A comic book I read.”

“Figures. See you. Love you,” she added at the end and ran away.

She wondered if she shouldn’t have said anything at all. She always had a bad habit of never knowing when to keep her damn mouth shut, and Spider-Woman only galvanized her wit and ego to dramatic parts. She rarely felt like herself, save for when she was Gwen. When she was with Patty. When she was happy.

She wanted to say all these things, run back into her and find her… but it was probably too late. She’d call her, at least. That’s the least that she could do.

Finding the window was quicker and easier than the run- Gwen’s head just did not let up. She wondered why her supposedly super healing wasn’t helping any. But the door was locked. She stumbled through the window, and sat for a moment composing herself upon the toilet, letting her head settle in the dark room.

But when Gwen stood and walked to the door, where the phone was so perfectly placed…

“Shit, I could’ve sworn I put it there.”

The door creaked open. The Nurse and Gwen’s dad were standing there. Gwen’s dad was holding her phone.

“And you just did, young lady. What’s that- fifteen dollars now?”

“I hate your swear jar.”

“And your hate is expressed in gentle and thought out ways. Why did you leave the room? Actually, how did you even get down?”

“Why did you guys even open the door? I was on the toilet!”

“Usually I make it a habit to respond when my students with brain trauma stop responding and start groaning. Also I didn’t understand why you were so obsessed with selling me Raid Shadow Legends.”

Curse that Autoplay.

To be continued

Chapter Two coming soon!

A Stunning Preview of this Story’s Action Packed Finale!

“What’s that?” Gwen had almost gone to sleep before Patricia’s voice woke her up.

“What?”

“That… blinking red thing?”

“Pat, it’s a hospital, there are a lot of blinking red things.”

“Not really. It’s like, a laser. I mean not really, but it’s super bright. See look, there’s a dot there on the wall.”

Sure enough, Gwen stared on the darkness past her girlfriend… and there was the red light. Blinking. Unmoving.

Gwen was just as paralyzed. She looked to Patricia and Patricia looked back, more frightened.

“What is that

“I don’t know, but whatever it is Gwen… it’s coming from you.”

[concrete-the-cat]

Short one because I don't have time today!! Might do another superhero one later :) @technologyvoid @secondhand-sonder

edit: NOT SHORT I DO NOT HAVE MUC HT TIME LEFT NOT!!! SHORT!!! DAMN IT!!

"But... but why?"

Allison... had not lived a particularly interesting life, by any chance. She wanted to, but the best she'd gotten was Broadway, which wasn't as popular as it once was and she wasn't really a lead at all. She barely remembered exactly how she died; but by looking at herself, she didn't see wrinkly skin. So, either she died still fairly young or the afterlife reverted her. She hoped for the latter, considering that forgetting how she died meant the afterlife at least helped with the pain somehow, but... she felt like she would have had more memories if it had been something related to old age.

In her heart, she knew it was an accident. She hadn't made many connections, so she hoped to- well. Kind of felt ironic to hope to God right now. Regardless. She hoped it wasn't anything violent, like a mugger - she knew that violent crime mostly happened by those the victim knew, and by the fact she didn't know almost anyone... ah. Did it matter now?

The angel fidgeted a bit in response to her question.

"I don't know why you people always ask that... can you just pick...?"

She grinned a bit, a teasing smirk growing on her face. This was something making this holy being - a holy being!! - embarrassed.

"No, I want to know why you can choose. I was devout and this is wrong that just anyone can go anywhere," she said, with a fake frown - playing the part of an ultrareligious person. She was not, of course, she could remember that at least. Actually she could remember every time she'd sinned in great detail. Guess the afterlife mind-editing device did that too. Greaaaaaat.

"You were not devout," said the angel, frowning in response. "You drank, like, after every show you did. Everyone is disappointed in you."

That last line sounded learned and repeated rather than an actual insult.

"Okay, fine, but tell meeeee," she replied.

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

For the record; all of those ellipses represented both of them, locked in a staredown until the angel finally relented-

Repented, corrected Allison in her own head with a snicker.

"Okay, look! You guys- you guys strayed way too far!!! We left, for, like, 500 years, which is like a blink of an eye up here, and we go back down and- you know how weird you are? Some of you are just downright freaks! And the wars and genocides! In the name of Him, too!! He got up and handed things off to Uriel and started a whole-ass other universe because you all messed up that much," the angel rambled. "We offer the option to go to Hell because some people like it down there! Who likes being burnt, in pain, and beat for eternity??!! I remember a time Lucifer came up here with a lot, before you could ask, and just said 'take these ones, I literally cannot anymore'!"

"Wait, wait, wait. You're- you're saying- we killed God?"

"No, not really, but-"

She turned to the rest of the stairs and the lines of people on them and jumped in excitedness, shouting -

"WE KILLED GOD, EVERYBODY!!! WOOHOOOOOO!!!!"

"Please stop," said the angel, now somehow red with even more embarrassment than before. "Are you done asking me questions I don't want to answer...?"

She put a hand to her chin in an overdramatized thinking pose.

"Hmmmm... hrmmm. hrmmmm. Hmmmmrmrmrmrmrmrrmmm."

The angel looked - very unamused by this.

"... Can I go back?"

"Oh, you little- of course you're one of those too! No! I can send you to the reincarnation guy, I guess, it's become a mashup of religions and afterlifes up here, but you can't be the same person. Got it?"

"Suuuuuuuuuuuure," she said, trying to put as much genuinity into her voice as possible.

"You're lying. You- we can tell you're lying. Whatever, you're holding up the line, lady. Up the stairs, to the right, medieval village, last stall. Go bother someone else."

Allison skipped away and barely looked at the pearly gates, the buildings, and simply followed instructions. Another set of gates and the world changed; it looked... peaceful. And old. Houses lined a cobblestone street within a small forest village, and what looked like a poor mimicry of the night sky glimmered above - a glimpse of home again. In the short distance, stalls replaced houses, as if a medieval market; each one with a different colored tarp covering it but not good. The last one, at the end of the road - oh, so that's the point she was supposed to get, the end of the road, clever to be honest - was yellow and seemed to have what looked like an oddly colored orb as if one used by those psychics inside.

Though... this actually looked like it had power instead of being a parlor trick. It looked pretty, with stars and what seemed like galaxies floating inside it.

As she approached and put her arms on the stall, looking for a bell to ring annoyingly, an ethereal voice floated around her. Or maybe whatever this entity was was just invisible.

"You again," it said with the voice of an older, wise man. "... the last time you were here; you asked to be a star. Of course I cannot grant such things, you know. I can set you on a path, open up the opportunities, but you must make the dream happen yourself."

"The... last time I was here?" she said, confused.

"Oh, yes... not once has your soul even taken a moment in Heaven or Hell. You've only ever skipped along to me and asked for an experience..."

"Wait, so, what do you... do here? The angel said reincarnation, not... an experience."

"Life, life is the experience, young one... You tell me who you want to be, what your personality will be, what your dreams will be - as I said, I will open up the paths to greatness but you must seize them - and depending on how many times you've attempted the same thing and how great and famous you wish to become, I will ask you to pick from a certain amount of challenges, as well..."

"... I still feel like myself. I mean, like Allison. If I've chosen my personality every time; why am I still... me?"

"Normally you begin to feel more like a soul over time... begin to remember other lives... however, this 'Allison Fenwick'... was fairly close to who you really are. That is why you are not drastically different. I must warn you, you have tried to be a star many times, and so the challenges mounted... your mother died early on, you would be hit by a car and immobilized for a year, at least two of your relationships would go wrong... amongst other small ones..."

"... I chose those things...? It doesn't matter! The more choices I made the more interesting I was, the more stories I had to tell. I'm the most- Allison... Allison was the best one so far, even so."

"I'm happy you had a good time... now... who do you want to be?"

"... Her. I'm not done. I'm not. Send me back," she demanded.

"You do this every time. And every time I want to, truly. But time moves fast, young one. You are likely in a casket at your funeral by now. Do you realize how frightening that would be?"

"I don't care. Be a funny story when I actually die of old age. I liked- I liked the life I was in. I'm not done," 'Allison' insisted.

"And... and you were shot," said the voice. "I'm sorry... if I sent you back you'd be in excruciating pain... you'd likely die again in hours if not minutes if not given to a medical professional immediately after..."

"Wha- shot? But- but-"

"..."

"You know what? It doesn't matter! It doesn't! Send me back! I'll suffer through it! If I die again, I'll just come back!" she yelled, agitated

"... You have asked this over centuries of time... ah... I suppose... I can try..."

"Good, I- o-oh.. agh, I'm starting to feel dizzy, what... what are you... blagh... y-you b-b-b..."

The smell of wood surrounded her, and dull voices. Dust filled her lungs as she took a deep breath.

"... celebrating the lives of Allison Fenwick and Bethany Keys, two great souls unfortunately taken from us by a home robber just as they began to get the recognition they so dearly deserved. May we pray to God that their killer will be brought to justice, and furthermore that their ancestors and Heaven treats them like the angels on earth they were..."

What the hell?

She reached up, tapping the wood she was apparently encased in, and remembered the words of that voice.

'You're likely in a coffin by now'.

And after that realization-

Hey, didn't they say there'd be-

And like a cramp one would get from stretching in the morning, but 200x times worse, in her stomach...

A bloodcurdling scream, to all the others in the funeral home, was released from the coffin.

"OH GOD, OH GOD IT HURTS- HELP- HELP ME! I'M AWAKE! I'M ALIVE IN HERE! HELP- HELP ME!"

As she breathed in fresh air only a few moments after, and viewed the faces of her bewildered families, her voice suddenly darkened despite the pain, picked out on man in the audience.

"You. I remember you. What did you do to me?"

“Welcome to the afterlife. Do you want to go to Heaven or Hell?” “Wait, you’re asking me where I want to go? You don’t decide it based on how I lived my life or anything?” “Nope, it’s entirely your choice.”

[boydepartment]

WAHHHHHHHH Sorry for worrying you, I'm doing very well, I wrote this message in the afternoon and was about to edit and send it. No transitions today because my ideas are very scattered and chaotic.

Today's writing song is coming of age by mxmtoon. I listened to her and Beach Bunny's music before quarantine, so it always takes me back and you can listen while reading. =)

I hope you have had fun on your road trip. From your pictures of everything, it seems like quite a adventure. As a side note, the outfits on your skzoo are super cute, did you make them yourself?

I spent some time thinking about your advice. I wish I could say that I've completely gotten over it, but progress has been like 3 steps forward, 2 steps back, 20 steps left, 50 steps right, jump 20x, get lost, start to cry, 5 steps forward. Everytime I think I've peaked, there's a another layer to work through. It's been really frustrating, but also rewarding. It's a reminder that I have a lot more room to grow and that's okay. Also, it takes so much more energy to be upset with where I am. I think I need to be more conscious of my own achievements and be okay with my own progress.

I'd like to think I'm a pretty introspective person, but I think everyone needs reminders sometimes, so thanks for being that person. I wish I could eat everyone's compliments and have them be a part of me when I can't see the good in myself. I'm trying to be more grateful for the things I do have, so for the next paragraph, you better internalize my compliments and take my burning heart on a stick or else I'll get really mad. >=( (I'm joking of course)

I think your comment about me being a sunshine was one of the nicest things someone has ever said to me. I hope to make everyone's day just a little better through these messages, but I think a lot of people can say the same about you. Although you say that you wish to be a little more positive, your advice has been and is very helpful, nonjudgmental, and realistic. Thanks for being such a great listener/reader? I like how your responses are always so reflective and introspective. Also, I can tell that your fics are based on your personal experiences based on your word choice, so I want to say that even if I can't completely understand, I will try my best be a listening ear. I think if we actually met irl, I would be a little less of a nervous wreck, maybe. It's super special the kind of friendship/pen-pal ship? we have, considering that our paths wouldn't have intersected otherwise. I'm glad you exist. <3

Okay, that's enough cheese for one day. I'm already embarrassed to admit that I write anything as sheep anon, so I'm going to crawl under a rock until your response. New messages coming soon, may or may not be as mushy as this one, depends on how I'm feeling, have a nice day everyone and stay safe. <3

-🐑

p.s. If you had a fan club, what would you name your fans? I think we need a name at this point, maybe something related to flowers or buds?

It’s okay sheepie!!! It’s no worries I promise :) I just wanted to make sure you were well ❤️

I absolutely loved mxmtoon and beach bunny. Beach bunny opened up for a punk show I went to a few years ago and it was GENUINELY so fun. Mxmtoon will always have a special place in my heart

My road trip is really well!!! I got to see my boys again and it meant the world to me. I would do anything to see them again and again. And hopefully I’ll be able to!!! As for my little jiniret!!! The red lights outfit was hand made!! His little button up tho that was from Disneyland and the hoodie he came with :) my other Amazon bought SKZOOs do have handmade clothing though :)

Sheepie i promise you that going back and forth is totally normal. The fact that you recognize it and are trying to focus on the positives really show how much you’ve grown I can promise you that. You have accomplished a lot even if it doesn’t seem like it. I’m so immensely proud of you. I will remind you whenever I can of this

I really do wish to be more positive and I try to especially regarding what has happened to me in the past. I will always try to not be judgey because we never know what the other person is struggling with.

My fanfics are definitely based on my mental and own life experiences. Pizza Parlor was a way to heal how I wrote fanfics when I was 14. It was just fun for me and a way to let all my daydreams out

I’m sorry. I’m late. Was always meant to be way more grown up. Just like how I wrote the reader, I’ve always wanted to run away ever since I graduated highschool. Just like the reader she landed herself in a bad relationship with bad people surrounding her to the point of putting herself and anyone who lived with her in danger. Unfortunately writing that was me trying my absolute hardest to cope with that actually happening to me. The only way I felt safe alone at night was getting lost in daydreams where I did run away to a small town. Some JayJay lore here, small TW

I also wrote that fanfic in a way where the two main characters love was unconditional. Of course some things had to added for plot to keep it running and not boring. However, the beginnings of their relationship was always something I’ve wanted. Even after my sophomore year to senior year on and off romantic relationship I never got anything close to that. I DIDNT get that cute romance, I never got gifts that actually were meaningful. I was 16 and naive, I was mentally tortured and physically beat. I’m sorry, I’m late, means so much to me because I could actually write something that I’ve always wanted to experience. It helped me cope with the fact that I’ve never gotten that romantic unconditional love.

My past is what also ties me into who I bias, not to crowbar Hyunjin into here but I really started biasing him because of what’s happened to me in my past. The way he describes love and how it should be eternal and forever really gives me hope that I will get that fairytale ending for myself. It’s why I’ll still be kind to everyone I meet and wear my heart on my sleeve even after the fact.

I think me and you could totally have a nice chat over tea or coffee or whatever your preference is!!!! We could probably go on for hours!!! If you ever want to you know where to find my instagram if you’d ever want to call or anything :) as long as you’re comfortable!! I would never want to pressure you into anything!

I’m very happy our paths crossed sheepie!!! I look forward to your messages!! Stay safe until then sheepie 🤍

-

I think if I had a fan base would be named doves!!! Even though I have a phobia of birds the dove represents the same thing as white roses. And I think the nickname dove is oh so sweet 🤍

-

Ps sheepie

I’m in college rn and every advisor I’ve had has ignore my emails about my major change (I’m taking journalism classes but signed up as a theatre major) do you have any advice? I’m getting a tincy stressed

[le-fruit-de-la-passion]

About Last Night (Chapter 1) - Viktor x Reader (Explicit)

***

One night stands are supposed to be simple, but then again, nothing has ever been simple in Viktor's life.

***

You awoke to quite possibly the most annoying sound in existence.

"Ah, shit," you mumbled, haphazardly trying to hit the alarm clock with your hand, knocking off piles of books and god knows what else in the process. "What time is it ?" you groaned. A slim arm went above your head, turning the alarm off. "Nine thirty."

You lazely turned to the man next you, trying to stabilize the pounding in your head. The bitter taste lingering on your tongue was rancid. What did you even have to drink last night ?

"I'm warning you," he said, moving his body closer to yours. "If that was my collector's edition of The Laws of Physics just now, I won't be very happy."

His features slowly came back to your mind, last night playing in your head like a grainy black and white film. The golden eyes, the chestnut hair… the smile, the hands, the touch…What was his name again…? Something russian sounding.

"Viktor." you said, almost surprising yourself. He smirked knowingly: "Glad you remembered me. I wasn't quite sure you would. "

You looked away, unwilling to show him your embarrassment. A moment of awkwardness passed before he cleared his throat.

"So…last night was fun, no ?"

"Yeah." you replied, flashes of memories coming back to you in pieces. Him, everywhere around you, in you, wrapping his hands around your neck… a painful headache interrupted your train of thought. "God, I really need to stop getting hammered like that…"

Viktor smiled, his warm hands snaking around your naked body. "I don't have anywhere to be this morning. Maybe we could… keep researching each other a little more."

You let yourself be tempted for a moment, feeling his teasing touch against your bare breasts, before pushing away from him with some difficulty. "I can't I'm… I'm really late, I really gotta go…"

You got up, immediately missing the warmth of his bed, collecting your scattered clothes on his floor. Why was your bra on his floor lamp ?

"You forgot this." his voice called you back. You turned around the see him toy with your lace panties, making them spin around his index. He ran a finger on the still damp spot at the bottom, inspecting them with sly interest. "Not going to get far without them, are you ?"

Your ears went red and you snatched them away from him, putting them on almost bashfully.

"I don't remember you being this shrewd yesterday." you grumbled.

"I'm even surprising myself."

When you were fully dressed, he got out of bed, grabbing a refined cane thrown next to his nightstand to go get his underwear. You saw big marks of red lipstick covering it's handle and oh God, had you done that ?

"I'm not an expert at these kinds of things." Viktor confessed, looking around for the rest of his clothes. "Is this the part where I ask for your number?"

"I guess it depends if you want it or not."

He smiled at you, genuine, and you felt your heart tug. "Then I would like your number."

You grabbed a pen on his study, writing it down on a piece of paper. "So… I'll see you around?"

"I hope so." he said.

You threw one last look at the man, hair dishevelled, scratches along his torso, love bites all over his body. His smile was heart shatteringly sincere.

You closed the door to his apartment and left.

---

"Fuck," you thought. "Fuck, fuck, fuck-"

You were already an hour late for your first lecture. The way back home was nothing short of a walk of shame, yesterday's drunken confidence all but forgotten. You kept tugging on your too short skirt, unsuccessfully trying to hide the bluish marks already forming around your thighs and ass. You felt everyone's stares in the bus, and the high of last night seemed very, very far away. Images flashed occasionally, the club, the bar, the drinks, the dancing… and him. So different from anyone you had ever met, so strangely alluring… You shook your head, chasing the memory away.

You threw on fresh clothes as soon as you came home, grabbed what would have to do as breakfast, and tiredly headed towards a long day at university.

The rest of your first lecture passed in a blur; you slept through all of it, pretending to bury your nose in your textbook as you snored. Your vague dreams were filled with amber eyes and exasperating sweet nothings whispered in your ears.

Lunch wasn't much better: you couldn't fully feel awake even after three cups of the cafeteria's water downed coffee. You headed to your last lecture feeling like an empty shell of yourself, ready to go home and sleep for the next decade.

You sat down at the end of auditorium, hoping to at least doze off for a while; that, obviously, was not what your two front neighbors had in mind. 

"And so, like, I told him "No way"," a bubbly, almost frantic girl said, arms swinging wildly. "And he was like "Yes way" and like, I said-"

You threw your hoodie on, bumping your forehead against your table, hoping to drown out the sound. Unsurprisingly, it didn't help.

"And did you hear ? Heimerdinger broke a rib playing with his dog. Isn't that crazy ? I think it's crazy."

You perked up slightly at that. Professor Heimerdinger was the one who was supposed to give this afternoon's lecture. Would it be cancelled ?

"Oh yeah, I heard that." the dark skinned man next to her replied, his deep black eyes glinting in amusement. "It's almost funny how much he looks like that dog." The girl shook her head in pity, her bright blue braids swinging along with her. "I kind of feel bad for him, but then again he gave me a C- last semester for "behavioral issues", so…" she grinned, tongue playfully sticking out. "Vi said we'd be getting his assistant for a while." 

"An assistant?" the man replied, visibly surprised. "I didn't know he had an assistant. What's he called ?"

Before she could reply, the class quieted down as someone walked into the room. "The assistant." you assumed, putting your head back down. You'd get to sleep a little in that case. 

You heard him before you saw him.

The repetitive, metallic clatter against the hall's concrete floor, reverberating all the way to you. In an auditorium filled with a hundred students, you heard it, the sound unmistakable even with yesterday's hazy memories. You remembered it close to you as you danced last night, on the way up to his apartment, all the way to his bed.

"Good evening class," Viktor said loudly as he came in, cane in hand. "Is everyone ready to start ?"

---

For the next three hours, you stared blankly at the podium, trying to decipher the joke the stars had just thrown at you. It was him, although much more dressed than he had been with you, giving Heimerdinger's lecture on the ethics of science. Like nothing in the world was more normal than that.

"And so one must ask themselves, should you truly wait for permission to change the world? It is a position that many will argue against-"

His words went in one ear and immediately out the other. You couldn't stop thinking about the night before, about his smell, about his taste, about the way he fucked you into his mattress until you saw nothing but stars-

"Alright everyone," Viktor loudly said, "read up to page 60. I will see you all next week." You blinked, surprised, realizing class was already over. You had spent the entire time fantasizing about the man who would most likely be your teacher for the rest of the semester.

Slowly, you gathered your things, feeling dizzy as everyone else left the room. What could you even say to him ? You went down the stairs hesitantly, unsure of your next move. He had already sat back down at his teacher's desk, writing in a compact notebook with focus. His thick eyebrows were furrowed in concentration, biting his bottom lip. He had worn a similar expression the day before, when you were bent between his thighs and sucking his cock. You swallowed with difficulty.

He didnt even notice as you pulled up in front of him, trying to gather the courage to speak up. The pages of the journal he was writing in were overfilled with endless words and complex sketches, and you realized just how much more accomplished he had to be than you. Hesitantly, you said : "Viktor ?"

He looked up. For a second, it looked like he hadn't recognized you, and your heart dropped. Then his golden eyes widened the size of flying saucers; impossibly, he went somehow paler than he already naturally was.

"W-what- why are you here ?" he spoutted out, looking like a deer in headlights. Any words you might have thought of earlier had vacated your mind, and you stared blankly at him, trying to make any sound come out of your mouth.

"School." you finally said. "I have school here. I study. I'm a student. In this class."

He stared at you incredulously, as if you had just grown a second head.

"That is- I'm-" he stuttered. It was hard to believe he had just given an university lecture on eugenics to a hundred people. There was no trace left of yesterday's intoxicating charisma or this morning's impish candor. "This has to be a mistake. This cannot be happening." He massaged his forehead with his fingers, closing his eyes, almost like he hoped you were a mirage that would be gone by the time he reopened them.

"Do we talk about this ?" you questioned worriedly. He opened his eyes again and threw furtive glances around, trying to see if any other students still remained. "Not here," he hissed "Come by my office after 5. I'm… using Heimerdinger's for now."

You acquiesced hesitantly, feeling like you were in some kind of strange, inexplicable dream. You stood silently in front of him for a moment, trying to make him say something, anything else. When that didn't work, you wordlessly left the room, feeling his eyes burn through your back all the way out.

---

Viktor rubbed his temple. Twice, for good measure. You were late.

Seeing you in his classroom felt like getting hit by two tons of bricks. He had to wonder if his career, his research, could ever recover from this going public. All of his work…

"This is all Jayce's fault." he thought bitterly.

Like the majority of bad nights in his life, it had been Jayce's birthday. For the fifth year in a row, Jayce had insisted to celebrate in grand fashion at a nightclub.

"But why ?" Viktor had asked, incredulous. "You're already with Mel, what other things could you possibly…do at a club ?"

Jayce winked, dark brown eyes glistening: "Mel and I are together, but it doesn't mean we're exclusive." he explained slyly, crossing his legs. "And Mel never minds when I bring home another pretty lady." he wiggled his eyebrows suggestively in the most annoying manner possible. "She's real good with them too."

Viktor groaned.

The actual club was about as bad as he expected. The strobing lights made him dizzy, the intense heat made his leg ache, the smell, nauseous. In record time, Jayce already had three women sitting at their table, ordering drinks like he wasn't also on a teacher's assistant payroll.

"And four more shots of vodka for the birthday man!" he shouted gleefully at the bartender; the women giggled.

Every year was the same. Jayce got hammered, convinced Viktor to drink with his frustratingly irresistible charm, and Viktor would end up chugging his own weight in vodka as he contemplated his loneliness and vomited in the ride back home. And yet every year, he still came.

Jayce had been his research partner for years now. Maybe the first person he could truly call a friend. As different as they were, they shared a similar passion for discovery, for science, for helping others with their research. He respected him both as a man, and as a scientist. When Jayce proposed doing their thesis together under Heimerdinger, he accepted. They could do wonders together, he knew it. Change the world for the better. Make things he could only have dreamed of as a child. That, however, implied he had to spend one day every year out of their lab and into the dark, overcrowded lion's den that was a club. He sighed.

"This…is not my speed Jayce. I'm no good here. I dont want to drink, I can't dance," he gestured frustratingly at his cane, "and I certainly can't attract women the way you do. Now, just this once…can I please go home ?"

Jayce seemed to consider him for a moment, expression comically serious for a man who was very surely getting fondled by at least one of the women next to him. "No" he said flatly.

""No?" Jayce, I dont think you were quite listening-"

"No, you listen to me now!" he said with conviction, and dear god, he was using his speech voice. No one could ever refuse him anything when he took that tone. "You've always helped me, Viktor. For as long as I can remember. Now, it's my time to help you." He decisively pushed the rack of shots to Viktor, staring him down. "This is not going to be like last year. Or the year before. What you're gonna do is drink this, go out there," Jayce pointed to the mass of dancing bodies, "and go have fun with someone. Got it ?"

"Jayce-"

"Viktor." Jayce said. "Please."

Viktor exhaled, feeling his will to argue leave him. "Fine." he conceded, chugging the shots of vodka one after the other. Nausea hit fast and hard, and he got up wobbly, holding onto the table for support. Jayce whooped in support. "But if anything happens-" Viktor started. "I know, I know," Jayce said. "Its going to be my fault for not letting you just work yourself to death all night in the lab, like you wanted. Got it. Now go have fun."

Viktor threw him an irritated look, grabbed his cane, and headed towards the dancing crowd. The heat was unbearable, the air thick and heavy. He recognized the song as something Jayce would sometimes put when they worked together in the office. He advanced, weary, barely looking at the faces of those surrounding him. How was he even supposed to talk to someone ? The alcohol was already making him woozy and he almost tripped against a stranger's heeled foot, cane falling down. Before he could bend to pick it up, the woman he bumped against caught it, putting it back into his hand.

"Thank you-"

It took him a moment to register lips were against his. Even longer to understand those lips belonged to someone. Before he could fully process the situation, the woman pulled away, eyes half lidded, twinkling and very much drunk. She was gorgeous.

"You lost this." you said against his ear, caressing his fingers against the cane. Your breath smelled of cherries and at least twenty different kinds of alcohol he was quite certain weren't meant to be mixed.

He stared at you in utter confusion: "You just- I-"

"Wanna dance ?" you smiled like nothing had happened. He nodded hesitantly, still stunned, and you were against him again, swaying your hips to the rythm of the music. He put a shy hand against your back, gripping his cane with the other. "I'm Viktor." he said over the loud music. You grinned. "Viktor…" you breathed out, lips caressing every syllable, making his stomach churn. "It's a pretty name. It fits you." you said, bringing your body somehow closer to his. He felt his own heart beat to the rhythm of the song. "Tell me," you said with the bluntness only drunks could muster, "Why the cane, Viktor ?"

He stared down at it, unsure how to answer. "I've always had a… weak constitution. It's a necessary evil."

You stared at him, seemingly pensive, before bending out and kissing the handle between his fingers; he almost choked.

"Not so evil now, is it ?" you asked playfully as you came back up, bringing your lips close to his.

"I'm…" he started, voice strangled. He could feel the tip of his ears burning, the vodka already muddling his thoughts into incoherent garble. "You would be right, yes." You smiled again, honeyed and sweet, and he felt your hips begin to grind against his. He sensed his pants grow tight. He couldn't remember the last time he had let himself feel this way, with a stranger no less. If he didn't stop it now, he wouldn't be able to stop himself later.

"You look like a stressed man, Viktor." you said against his lips, interrupting his thoughts. He stared into your hypnotic gaze; was he so easy to read ? "How about you just let it all go for tonight ? I'm sure you deserve it." 

You kissed him again, sweetly, before pulling away, and he thought that maybe, just maybe, he could let his research go for one night. Maybe, he thought, staring at your still glossy, pink lips, maybe this was what Jayce meant by learning to have fun.

He grabbed you by the waist with one hand and crashed his lips against yours, feeling you tense in surprise. If anything, he was just as astonished at his own action. His worries dissipated when you quickly melted in his arms, slipping your tongue in his mouth, the feeling electric. In his fervor, he bit your bottom lip, any remaining fears shifting into satisfaction as he heard you moan against him. You wormed you thighs around his working leg, memorizingly rubbing against him. You bit his lip ferociously and he pulled away for air, slightly gasping. For a moment, he was alone with you in the club, faced with nothing but your beautiful, enamoured expression, licking your mixed saliva off your lips.

Then, the spell broke, and he realized you were still very much in public. He reddened, sheepishly putting a hand in his hair. "I… didn't expect that." you purred against his chest. "Me neither." he replied. In the background, he vaguely saw a brawny man drunklingly shouting something at him, waving two thumbs up encouragingly. He glared back, bringing you as far away from Jayce as he could. You looked up at him quizzically. "Dont worry about it." he mumbled.

And worry you did not; you wrapped your arms around his neck again, whispering in his ear. "Maybe we could go somewhere with a little more… privacy ?"

Jayce's words came back to him; he did ask him to have fun, but not where to have fun. Would leaving his friend behind really be alright ? On his birthday ? He glanced back at Jayce, finding him now intertwined with a woman from earlier, clearly very occupied if the way her skirt sat almost at her knees meant anything. Jayce would be fine.

"My… apartment isn't that far." he said, measuring his words. "We could take a taxi, if you'd want of course ?"

You smiled, as if you had been waiting all night for him to say those words. "I would love that, Viktor."

---

You kissed him until the taxi came, hands nimbly trying to explore as much of his body as humanly possible. A fleeting thought reminded him that Jayce might wonder about his sudden disappearance, but it all but vanished when you started fervently bitting the shell of his ear. He felt dizzy off the attention you gave him, drunken on your touch. He'd barely made it into the car that you were on him again, animalistic, pupils blown.

He absentmindedly gave the chauffeur his address, almost choking mid speech as you lowered a hand inside his pants. The car started.

"What are you doing ?" he hissed silently.

"Nothing much." you shrugged, slinding your hand deeper in.

"This… is illegal, no ?"

"Only if we're caught." you grinned, wrapping your fingers around his length. He flinched at your touch, breath shaky as you started pumping him with your hand; in front, it seemed like the driver hadn't noticed anything. His gaze went back to you, lingering on the way your hand moved under his pants.

"You're pretty big down there, Viktor." you whispered playfully. "Is that what the cane is for after all ?"

Before he could answer indignantly, you picked up the pace and he couldn't prevent a loud curse from escaping him. The driver, still completely obvious, threw a glance in the front mirror. "Everything good back there ?"

Viktor pursued his lips closed, knowing if he tried to open his mouth he'd undeniably moan. "Everything's good." you smiled brightly, as if you weren't stroking his rock hard cock right under the man's nose. "It's a little hot back here, would you mind opening the window a little ?" 

The driver grunted in agreement, opening your side window and focusing back on the road.

"You got bigger." you commented quietly. "Do you like that he doesnt know ?" Viktor cursed again under his breath, feeling his release build up.

"It feels like you do. To me, it feels like you  you're enjoying it. Maybe a little too much." As fast as it had been on him, your hand was off, wiggling out his briefs. You grinned slyly.

"What are you doing ?" he whispered with frustration, his erection almost comically stretching his pants.

"Making you wait." you replied naturally. "I figure if you should cum anywhere, it should be in me." Viktor's eyes widened, his dick twitching in frustration and want. "I will make you pay for that." he mumbled, trying to regain control of himself. You looked at him challengingly: "I'll look forward to it."

---

You both limped to his appartment, a mess of limbs woven together. He tried to open his front door as best as he could, hand shaking as you sucked on his neck. You fumbled you way to the bed together, clothes flying left and right, and you pushed him on the soft linen, half naked, straddling his hips.

"Not too much on your leg, pretty boy ?"

He swallowed with difficulty: "No, I'm…quite fine." You smirked and bent down, letting your lips collide against his again. He worked the clasp of your bra, throwing it off in the dark room; it hit something with a loud thud. "Excited, aren't we ?" you said smugly. Instead of replying, he wrapped his mouth against one of your nipples, making you gasp. He sucked fervently, pleased at the sounds you were making, trying to find which angle would make you scream louder. He did truly love researching, after all.

He massaged your other breast with his hand, kneading it vigorously, watching with fascination as the imprints of his fingers marked your fragile skin. When he felt satisfied with his work, he pulled off with a loud pop, admiring what he had done with you. "I did say I'd make you pay for the taxi." he smirked. Your voice came out shaky, trying and failing to be defiant. "Was… that the best you could do ?" you said with pretend confidence.

"I must say, I don't think I've ever met anyone who has been dissapointed in my work. I guess I'll have to put in more effort." Your eyes glinted in silent satisfaction. He gently pushed you down on the bed, climbing on top of you. He slipped two finger inside you, pumping them in and out as you whined.

"So loose already…" he commented, letting a third finger in. "Tell me, did you prepare yourself before coming to the club ? Is this something you do often ?" You only whimpered in response.

"Had it not been me, would you have let someone else do this to you ? Spread your legs to get ready to be bred ?" You cried out as he put a fourth finger in, almost in tears at the sensation. "Viktor…!" you wailed, hands firmly holding his back, nails digging into his skin.

He pulled his hand out, positioning himself between your thighs. His leg throbbed painfully at all the effort, and he gripped your thighs firmly, trying to regain his balance. You would definitely have bruises there come tommorow. You didnt seem like you cared much though; all your thoughts seemed to be focused on getting him inside of you, as you arched your back to get the tip of his hard cock in you.

"Darling," he whispered, caressing your bruised thighs apologetically. "Sweet thing. What do we say ?"

You looked up at him, moaning in urgency: "Please, please, Viktor…!"

He hummed in agreement, finally pushing his cock in you. You both moaned loudly at the feeling, holding onto each other for dear life. He slowly pushed more in and you hiccuped a cry at his size. "Shh," he murmured lovingly, "you're doing such a good job. Such a good job for me."

Finally, he was fully sheathed, cock throbbing inside you. Viktor took a moment to catch his breath, strenght failing him. Instead of the disappointment he expected, you looked up to him as one would a god, caressing his face with the tip of your fingers. "Your eyes are so beautiful…" you breathed out.

His throat tightened. Slowly, he began to move, driving your body into the mattress. You sobbed against him, and he captured your lips again, comforting you. Before long you were wailing his name, his rythm now faster, your hips working in synch with his. He cursed, groaning as he felt his release come. "Please," you said in a broken voice. "Please cum in me."

He broke down, body trembling as he came. Your nails dug in his back as you finally climaxed, and he thought he would forever remember the way you screamed his name.

He pulled out slowly, dead tired, dick still partially up from all the exertion you had put him through in one night.

"You're still hard ?" You mumbled against him.

"I would hardly say that's my fault." he complained back. "You're the one making me that way." You smiled coyly. Languid, you flipped him over and slid under the covers, resting your face against his inner thigh.

"What are you doing?" he said tiredly, slightly excited despite his own body quickly shutting down. You chose not to reply, and took his partially hardened dick in your mouth, lapping off the juices you had both left on him.

His face contorted in pained pleasure, the feeling too much just after his release and the night he had had. He mumbled incoherently, eyes shutting close at the intensity of it, and he whimpered as he felt a second wave come to him. He came again, hips pathetically trying to fuck your mouth, before coughing into his elbow.

"No more." he rasped, trying to keep his eyes open. "You'll kill me."

"And what a way to go." you replied with irony, coming back up and nuzzling against his side. Still, he felt your hand caringly go up his back, stroking it in slight worry. "Fine. I'll let you live for tonight. Goodnight, Viktor."

So this is what Jayce meant, he thought, looking at your naked form huddled against him, when he said to have fun. He smiled.

"Goodnight."

---

His thoughts were interrupted when you knocked at the door. He inhaled, trying to center himself.

"Come in."

You walked in, hesitant. You looked quite different from yesterday, your sensual glow replaced by the tired, erased shadow of someone who wished they could be anywhere else.

"So, about last night…" he started, looking at the wall; neither of you picked up. The tension in the room felt palpable, living, as if he could reach out and touch it.

"I'm not ashamed of it." you muttered. "You never told me you were a teacher. And what's so wrong about two consenting adults having fun ?"

He massaged his temple, index anxiously twirling a wild strand of hair. "What's wrong with it is that you are my student. Which implies that I have responsibilities over you. Responsibilities which I failed last night." He looked down at the floor, not willing to meet your gaze. "It was a mistake. All of it. You have my sincerest apologies."

The room felt silent. He couldn't find the courage to look up and see the face you were making. "Coward." he told himself when he heard you swallow a sniffle. "Fine. Have a nice evening, sir." you said, turning around and slamming the door, making him wince. He grabbed his cane to go after you, but stopped himself midway.

This was the right choice. This was what he had to do.

He sighed, opening his research journal, and buried himself right back into his notes.

[mercy-burning]

Good Little Helper

Pairing: Season 5! Spencer Reid x fem!Reader Summary: Reader gets assigned to be Spencer’s personal assistant of sorts after he gets shot in the knee. Category: SMUT(18+) Content Warnings: fingering (female receiving), blowjob, praise kink, dirty talk, blink and you’ll miss it cumplay Word Count: 4.7k

MASTERLIST

NOTE: So, remember yesterday when I posted about how I wished new ideas would stop distracting me from everything I’m currently working on? Yeah. This wouldn’t leave me alone, and I couldn’t work on anything until I got it out of my head, so here! Have a fic! (It was supposed to be a blurb, but I got a little long-winded so now it’s too long to be a blurb oops 😙✌) Also, I apologize for any editing mistakes, I just wrote this out in one go, so hopefully it’s alright!

***

Being assigned to assist Dr. Reid with practically his every need after he was shot in the knee wasn't exactly how I expected to spend the past few months.

And that's, like... a huge understatement.

In fact, when Agent Hotchner came up to me in the break room and said he'd like me to do the job, I dropped my coffee and shattered a mug. I could tell he was a little impatient with me, even through his kind reassurances that it was quite all right as he helped me clean it up and waited for an answer.

In the end I'd said yes to the job, though the more I thought about it the more I wondered how much lust and naivete had clouded my judgement when I did.

Because there was absolutely no way I was going to be able to survive weeks, possibly months, as Spencer Reid's assistant. Not only because he was intimidatingly intelligent and there was almost nothing I could offer him in decent conversation, but also—and more prominently—the fact that I was pretty sure I was in love with him.

Maybe that was a stretch. I definitely had a stupid major crush on him that felt more like we were in middle school, but I could barely look at him without going warm all over. In fact, I think we had only ever made eye contact once and I averted my gaze immediately, afraid I'd give myself away. If I'd have held it any longer, I was positive I'd have burst into flames.

He'd tried talking to me once, a few months after I started working at the Bureau, and it was only to ask if I'd send some files over to their tech analyst, Penelope Garcia, but when I tried answering, I stumbled over my words and ended up only getting out a squeaked, "Uh huh," before taking the files from him and scurrying off.

I almost cried that day.

Basically every time I was in his presence, I was a total wreck. Even more so than I was on any other given day.

Being his assistant did get fairly easy pretty early on, though. I mostly just stayed out of his way while he worked, and if he need anything that he could've gotten himself if not for the injury, it was my job to get it for him. I worked on my own paperwork most of the time, and he was always busy working on geographical profiles and whatever else, we only ever really had to talk when he asked for something. And that only required a, "Sure," on my end, so I could just get up, get what he needed, and then go back to work.

Still, it didn't help that sometimes I'd get distracted.

He was very distracting.

I usually waited until I was sure he was so busy in work that I wouldn't get caught. And that's when I'd peek over my computer or hide behind a book and stare at him. I know that sounds creepier than it is, but if you had to spend almost every hour of the day with him, you'd have done the same. Even though for months he was put on rest from the field, he always showed up looking more like a college professor than an FBI agent. Which, I suppose suited him more anyway. Regardless, it was a damn fine look. His hair was decently long and extremely pretty, and when he got the cane?

I was a goner.

It was at that point, though, when I started to realize that he probably wouldn't need my help anymore. He'd been allowed back into the filed by then, and even when I went with them on cases it still felt like I was more out of place than usual. Sure, I'd picked up on some minor skills that aided in profiling and otherwise, but at the end of the day I was still only a desk clerk. Sooner or later, I knew there would be a time where Agent Hotchner would inevitably tell me that I'd done a good job and could return to my menial day job.

So, even though Dr. Reid and I had gotten into a pretty regular, non-awkward rhythm, I was being a little more squirrely than usual.

And of course, he noticed.

"Y/N, are you doing alright?" he asked, looking up from his stack of paperwork. That was another thing we'd ended up doing— late into the night after everyone had gone home, we stayed late in the conference room and quietly filled out paperwork.

I barely looked him in the eye when I answered. "O—Oh, mhm. I'm fine."

"Oh... You just seem... a little different today."

On any other day I would have freaked out on the inside like a teenager, excited that he'd noticed me at all enough to notice a difference in my behavior. But that was his job after all.

"Actually, you seem rather... sad."

I did look up at him this time, and the soft glow of the table lamp lit up his features— features that looked me over with concern. I could feel my face grow warmer with every second I looked at him, until I quickly looked back down at my paper and shook my head.

"N—No, I'm okay. Promise. Just a little tired, that's all."

Usually he would have left it at that, given we didn't ever really have longer conversations than that that didn't pertain to whatever case the BAU was working on. But he pushed further, and I swallowed.

"Are you sure? Because... You can tell me if there's something wrong. I'm a good listener..."

Did I dare tell him what was really plaguing me? That I was scared I wasn't going to be able to spend time with him every day, thus most likely giving away my crush? That is, if he hadn't already figured it out by this point... Truthfully it wouldn't have surprised me.

The thought made me go warm again, and still, I kept my head down.

"I'm sure..."

And then I did something I probably shouldn't have. I looked back up at him, just a quick glance, but under his intense gaze I crumbled, flitting my eyes back down and playing with my hands.

"Is it... because of me?"

Afraid suddenly that I'd made him feel bad, I straightened a little. "No! No, not at all I... Um... I—I guess I'm just... A little sad that I'm probably... not going to be of any help to you anymore. You know, now that you're healing up."

A small smile flashed over his face, and I inwardly melted.

"Oh... In that case I... I guess I'm sad, too."

"Really?" I asked softly, my heart jumping.

"Mhm," he answered back in earnest. His features were softer than they'd ever been, eyes wide and kind, smile inviting... "You've been a great help. And you're fun to be around."

I couldn't help but smile shyly at his confession, completely bewildered that he'd think of me as someone he'd enjoyed being around, though I'd offered just about nothing interesting to any conversation we'd had. "Y—You don't mean that..."

"I do."

"C'mon, really? I... I—mean... coming from you that's... that's too generous."

He laughed a little. "How do you mean?"

"I... Well, y—you're you... I mean, you're... smart, and nice, and cu— uh,... n—nice..." I stumbled hard on that last one, squeezing my eyes shut at the thought of almost calling him cute to his face... And then I realized I'd called him nice two times... in a row.

I hadn't even realized he'd gotten up and walked over to me until I felt his cane gently tap my leg. I jumped, looking up at him and almost crumbled again right then and there. He stood over me, tall and clearly amused, and I wanted to just curl up and hide where no one would ever find me.

I also didn't want to be craning my neck so far up to see him, so I stood up, sending my chair rolling back a foot or two. The added height was better, but he was still fiarly taller than me, and with the way were standing so close to each other?

Maybe I'd made a mistake...

"I—I'm sorry," I stammered.

Still amused, Spencer tilted his head a small amount. "What for?"

"I... I don't know, m—making this awkward?"

"It's not awkward."

"It... It's not?"

He shook his head, quiet for a few beats before he nearly whispered. "What were you going to say?"

I paused. "I... What?"

"Before... You said I was smart. And nice... And... What else?"

It sounded like he was trying to get me to confess something, and quite honestly I couldn't tell if it was for humiliation or amusement or clarification purposes. I mean, it was probably safe to assume he wouldn't go out of his way to humiliate me, but... it still made me nervous.

"I—I didn't... I..."

"Y/N... Tell me?"

I'd been cornered. Quite literally, too, as my lower back hit the edge of the table. My hands shook anxiously at my sides as I contemplated what to say. The truth? Embarrassing for me. A lie? I was no good at telling lies, and I'd still end up embarrassed, because he'd be able to tell.

So, after a very long silence in which he waited on me to answer, I blurted out, as quietly as possible, "Cute."

The word sounded juvenile coming from my mouth. Right now, standing under Dr. Reid's intense scrutiny, it didn't even feel like the right word to describe him. Not that it wasn't true... But it just wasn't an elegant enough descriptor for him.

And that alone probably proved just how different we were. How out of my league he was...

"That's what I thought you were going to say," he mused, slightly breaking me out of my self-deprecation.

I would have asked him something then, anything to keep myself from looking like even more of a fool with a childish schoolgirl crush, but all words escaped me entirely. All I could do was look up at him, slowly growing warm under the intensity of his eyes and praying he wouldn't think of me as silly.

Though, it wouldn't have mattered, because he kept talking anyway, his body taking up even more space around me as his arms came around to well and truly trap me against the table.

"You're right, you know... I'm almost completely healed, and pretty soon I think I won't need an assistant anymore."

I was scared that maybe I was wrong before, and he'd actually humiliate me now, though the look in his eyes suggested otherwise. I wasn't sure what to make of all of it. SO I just stood there, trying to breath steadily as Spencer studied my face.

"And I meant it... That makes me sad. You know why?"

I shook my head, afraid to make a sound.

His head dipped lower, close enough that I could feel his breath on my mouth as he spoke. "I probably won't get to see you every day."

"Y—you want to see me?" I couldn't help but ask.

He scanned my eyes, amusement and something else lingering there as he did. "Yes."

And then he kissed me.

It was a short distance, but it felt like we went far. And I hadn't even registered that I whimpered into his mouth until he returned it with a low groan that boiled my insides and absolutely melted me. I was helpless against him as he pressed himself further against me and used his hands to keep my back steady.

The whole time my mind was swimming with dizziness. It felt like my body was covered in butterflies from head to toe, particularly strong where his hands pressed into me and his cane rested firmly along the inside of my thigh.

I leaned forward when he pulled away, because I was afraid that he was saying goodbye. But one of his hands came up to my face and my eyes fluttered open, immediately taking notice of how messy his hair was now that I'd had my fingers in it.

I must have looked scared, because suddenly his eyes changed, and he removed his hands away from me altogether, putting distance in between us. "I—I'm sorry. I shouldn't have kissed you without asking..."

The relief that rushed through my body must have gotten to my head, because I breathed out a demand I'd never have had the courage to get out before.

"Do it again."

One second I was staring at him, admittedly afraid that he'd regretted all of it, and the next I was seeing stars as he came forward and kissed me again. His hands cradled my face as he did so, coming on to me with gentle care while still maintaining that hunger that surprised and excited me.

I hadn't realized how much I missed his touch until he'd given it back to me, my body once again melting into him and allowing him to do whatever it is that pleased him.

Apparently that was lifting my leg off the ground and making me sit on the table.

My body went along with it easily, and I was glad for it because my brain was nothing but mush, unable to process fully how he'd decided that I was worth kissing. All I really knew was that I wanted him. Anything he wanted from me, I was willing to give. And that must have come across very clearly, because when he pulled away and spoke to me, I whimpered at his words.

"Y/N... You've been such a good girl, helping me with whatever I needed these past few months..." Meanwhile his hand danced along the hem of my skirt, the tiny brushes of his skin against mine sending me into a mess of shivers.

"I think it's about time I've thanked you for all your help, don't you think?"

The implications in his tone made me whine again, and I pressed my forehead into his, our noses brushing as I answered. "Please."

I was so taken by the way he groaned as his lips connected with mine once more that I almost didn't realize that his hand was now fully up my skirt, his fingers drawing gentle lines over my panties and practically making me melt again. His hungry kisses contradicted the softness he took to my clothed cunt, a fact that warmed me to my core and made me want him more than ever.

When he slipped the fabric aside and ran the pad of his finger through me, I whined hard against his mouth, something that must have excited him— He nipped at my bottom lip and took a deep breath.

"How long have you wanted this, Princess?"

If not for the kissing and the finger slowly sliding up through my arousal, the nickname would have done me in. By now I was an utter wreck, but I somehow still managed to answer, even through a little stammering. "F���Forever."

It was the best I could come up with.

He breathed a laugh as his finger circled my clit. "That's a long time..."

"Uh huh," was all I could manage in response. My body and my brain were too focused on the things his finger was doing to my body, involuntarily rolling my hips forward for more. I needed more.

Thankfully he picked up on my urgency and reciprocated with slipping his middle finger inside me, one knuckle, then two...

I cried out as my head lurched forward, connecting our mouths once again. My hands clutched around his neck and my fingers tugged at his hair to keep myself from falling, because the slow, searing pace at which he fingered me made me wonder how I'd still been able to breathe.

He added another finger soon enough, picking up the pace and rendering me practically useless in his embrace. Meanwhile I registered the sound of his own little whines, still deeper than mine but little enough to tip me off that he was enjoying this just as much as I was, and that alone helped get me further along in pleasure.

I pulled my mouth from his reluctantly, squeezing my eyes shut as I allowed my forehead to rest against his. "D—Doctor, I'm c... I'm so close."

"His honorific falling breathlessly from my mouth seemed to do something sinister to him, because his fingers sped up and his breathing got heavier.

"Yeah? You gonna come for me, Princess?"

My stomach tightened and I nodded as best as I could, relishing in the sounds coming from below us, wet and downright filthy.

"Go ahead...Be a good girl and come for me... You deserve it..."

Each little sentence was punctuated with a slightly faster pace, each one bringing me closer and closer until I squeaked into his mouth and shook violently around his fingers, my vision going white. My legs had been open wide since he'd started teasing under my skirt, but now they threatened to clamp shut from the intensity. But I wanted nothing more than to be good for him, to make this as easy as possible, so I held out and kept them open as wide as I could stand as my orgasm rocked through me.

Spencer whispered praises into my skin as his hand slowed and his mouth trailed down to my neck. And even though it was more than nice feeling him lick and bite over my skin, I felt rather sad when he removed his fingers from me.

That sadness didn't last long though, not when he pulled back and studied me for a moment, eyes lust-blown and purely ravenous before he brought his glistening fingers up to my mouth.

I didn't even have to think. I brought my tongue out and let him slip his fingers over it, closing my mouth around them and sighing as I sucked them clean. This only seemed to excite him more, his features displaying all sorts of desperation until he couldn't take it anymore.

He kissed me again, bringing both his hands to rest at my waist. And with his hands so low I wondered if maybe he'd take to ridding himself of his own pants, but it never happened. Rather, he pulled away after minutes of more kissing, and sighed quite sadly as his upper body pressed firmly into mine.

Something else pressed firmly against me as well—right along the inside of my thigh—and I gasped, mind running wild through all the possible outcomes of the night.

But Spencer only stood there, occasionally nudging his nose against mine while his hands gently kneaded my sides.

"D—Do you want to stop?" I asked softly, afraid he'd regret what we did.

He proved me wrong. "God, no... It's... It's just that I'm still not cleared enough for any... strenuous activity on my leg, and I don't..."

I didn't want to push him, obviously, but I thought I could make the mood a little lighter. "O—Oh, well on the bright side... I could stay your assistant for a while longer."

The laugh that rumbled in his throat made me smile, though from the way he stood there, I knew he wouldn't risk it.

"Um... Raincheck?" he whispered.

On the one hand, that meant he definitely wanted to see me again, and I was more than happy with that. But also, that meant our fun for the night was done...

Yet... Maybe not...

"Sure," I answered, pecking his lips once more. Then I brought my hand to his chest and slid it down until I reached his belt, and I leaned back to look him in the eye, a boldness I never imagined coming from me in a million years.

"But I can still help you..."

I watched the desperation and disappointment in his features slowly dissolve into a newfound hunger—and an amusement—that grew my confidence tenfold.

"Oh?" Spencer mused. "How do you suppose you can help me this time?"

He wanted me to say it. So, without second guessing myself anymore, I grazed my finger over his erection. "I'm very good with my mouth, Dr. Reid."

He grabbed me by the hand then, dragging me along to the chair I'd kicked back before and sat himself down, one of his hands still gripping the cane. Matched with the desire in his eyes and the swollenness of his lips and the tousled strands of his hair, the sight was truly something to behold. It was something that only ever existed in my dreams, nd now it was real.

Not wanting to waste any time, I sunk to my knees and nestled myself in between his legs. He reached out and caressed my cheek before lifting my chin with his middle finger.

"You like being my good little helper?" he drawled.

I tried to nod, but he clicked his tongue and held my chin in place. "Words, Princess."

"Yes. I—I'd do anything you asked. Anything you want, it's yours..."

He hummed then, removing his hand from my face and moving to undo his belt swiftly with only one hand. The action, the sound, everything... it was enough to make me wet again, and I subtly ground down onto the heel of my foot as I watched him pull himself free from the confines of his pants.

I didn't have time to marvel at him before I was drawn forward like a magnet, my hands crawling up his legs and my eyes batting up at him, ready and eager to please him however he wanted.

"Eager, are we?" he mused once more, gently stroking himself with his hand.

"Yes, Doctor," I breathed, inching closer and kissing the outside of his hand.

His movement stopped then, and it didn't take longer than a second for him to decide to let me work on my own.

"Then have at it, Princess..."

I started by kissing my way up the length of him, taking my time to gauge his reactions as I did so, occasionally darting my tongue out to taste him. Once I reached the tip, I sucked on it gently, using my tongue to swirl around it until I could taste the saltiness of his precum.

And then I started taking him slowly into my mouth, watching above me as Spencer's eyes started to shut, obviously debating whether or not to lay back and enjoy this or watch me intently.

Either way, I was more than happy to keep it up, finally getting him to the back of my throat. I flexed my tongue and held him there as long as I could, promptly gagging over him and blinking tears from my eyes as he let out a loudest sound I'd heard from him yet. His head flew back and his tongue quivered along his bottom lip as he cursed my name.

The act made me proud, so I retreated for air, sucked at his tip again for a few seconds, and then repeated it, taking him down my throat again and watching through teary eyes as he visibly swallowed and squeezed his eyes shut.

"Fuck, Y/N, you're so... Such a good fucking girl..."

The praise caused my insides to burn hot, and I ground down onto my heel again, lifting my mouth to start bobbing up and down.

His eyes opened then, and he looked down at me, using his hand to brush stray hair from my face and the other to grip onto his cane for dear life. I looked up at him the whole time, making sure to convey through not only my actions but also my eyes that I loved this. I thrived off of his praise, I enjoyed the feel of his dick gliding over my tongue and hitting the back of my throat, and I longed to feel him coat the inside of my mouth with his release.

I was so entirely into him in every capacity, it wasn't even funny.

I was so glad he could tell, a smile grazing his features as his hand gently gripped some of my hair. "So eager to please, Princess... And so fucking good at delivering..."

I whined onto his dick as he held me down, rendering me immobile. The only thing I could do was look up at him and choke, and of course, I was more than happy to do it. In turn, I was met with a deep groan and a tug of the hair.

"Hold it, hold it... Atta girl..."

My cunt throbbed at his words, and my throat continued to burn, tears falling down my face at ten-speed until finally, he let up and pulled me off of him.

I coughed a little and blinked away tears as I caught my breath, Spencer's fingers combing hair from my face as he smiled proudly.

He didn't even need to say anything then. I wanted to give him more. So I leaned down again and took him in my mouth, quickly making work of his tip while my hand came up and stroked the rest of him.

"Fuck, Princess, just like that... Make me come just like that..."

Rather than just continuing, I offered him a high whine and a wide gaze, hoping to exceed expectations.

I guess it worked, because he came right then, his dick pulsing over my tongue and in my hand as his warm release shot down my throat and over my tongue. I hummed around him, fluttering my eyes closed at the taste and the feeling, probably enjoying the fact that I'd done this to him more than I should have.

It was worth it to see the look on his face, though, after he'd given me all he had and I purposely spit some of it out onto the tip of his dick so I could lick it up and give him just a little more stimulation after the fact. His mouth hung open, eyes heavy and unwilling to leave me, even as I finished and sat back to wipe the tears and saliva from my face with a satisfied smile.

Though, the longer he looked at me, the more shy I became. Funny when I'd just had his dick down my throat, but I'd never been good with people staring at me for long periods of time.

"Was that... Was that okay?" I asked, suddenly worried I hadn't done something to his standards. "I know I don't do this a lot, so I'm sorry if it wasn't that g—"

"Y/N..."

I blinked up at him, still on my knees and unwilling to move. Not that I wanted to, but I couldn't even if I had.

"That was fucking perfect... I meant it, you're... so good."

I knew he was capable of better words, but after having the life sucked out of you, I could imagine 'better words' were hard to come by. Still, I laughed a little, playing with the hem of my skirt. "Good. I'm... glad I could help."

He smiled at me, readjusting his pants and then moving to help me off the ground.

"Hey, uh... Even when you go back to your regular job after I get better, I... I hope you know you're always welcome to come visit me if we're not busy."

The words warmed me in a different way, my heart swelling as well. "You... You mean that?"

Spencer nodded, grabbing my hand and dragging his thumb over my wrist. "Of course. I mean, you're more than just a good helper, you know. You're also kind, and smart, and cute..."

I laughed at his emphasis on cute, heat warming my face. "Ha-ha..."

"I really mean it, though," he said softly, removing his hand from mind and bringing it up to lift my chin, so I'd meet his eyes. They were swimming with sincerity, the epitome of warmth and comfort and kindness— the kind that always drew me to him in the first place. "And... If you'd want to maybe ditch the paperwork one day and grab a coffee or something, maybe—"

"Yes," I interrupted without thinking. My heartbeat picked up upon seeing the look in his eyes when I agreed, a mixture of amusement and relief. "Y—Yes, I'd love to."

"Good. Then it's a date?"

"Definitely."

PERMANENT TAGLIST:  @elldell1204 @muffin-cup @calm-and-doctor @slutforthegubes @rainsong01 @yourmisosoup @liveloudwriteloud @reidsconverse @la-vie-en-amour1 @edgycowboy666 @averyhotchner @centiaaa @lizziechaseee @coffeeandendlesswords @usuck @spenxerslut @g0lden-cth @emilyprentisslittlewhore @takeyourleap-of-faith @reidyoulikeabook @spencerreid9 @b-a-utiful @jareauswifey @big-galaxy-chaos

If you would like to be added to or removed from the taglist, please let me know in a message or comment, and I’ll be sure to get to it! Thank you!

[pvnkfaerie]

Blush

Dean Ambrose, fem!reader

I'm sorry I punched you, it's a reflex when I get scared

I need to preface this with I!!! Have not edited this in a hot minute so. If it's bad it's bad but what are you gonna do. I did not even read this over LMAO.

Anywho, yes it's me, I am reposting my old fics from my old account because well. Yes. So here's the first, good old Deano.

Warnings; smut, obvi... I can't really think of anything else? Someone gets punched. Yep.

-

Today was the day. This was it. You were going to confess to the Dean Ambrose, even if it killed you. You’re being dramatic. You looked to the screen set up backstage, watching as Dean beat into AJ Styles.

Okay, it might kill you.

Panic was written all over your face, as you paced away from your spot close to the gorilla. You looked up, seeing a flurry of the bright orange hair that belonged to the Irish lass kicker. The very one that knew your secret crush on Ambrose, called the both of you ‘a match made in heaven,’ and was going to kick your ass if she knew that you were chickening out yet again.

“Oh no ya don’t,” she spoke, beginning her walk over to you, which you walked a little faster. “You’re gonna do this, so help me god,” she spoke, her walk turning into a run as she tackled you into the floor.

“Becky, get off me,” you squealed, trying to push her off, the stares forcing a blush onto your cheeks. “I can’t do it today, I’m late for an appointment,” you spoke, finally pinning her, making your way to your feet before she grabbed your leg bringing you back down.

“That’s bullshit and ya know it,” she huffed out. She pressed your arms to the floor, the rest of her body weight being pressed down into your hips. “I’m not letting ya up till ya agree ta talking to ‘im.”

“Never!” It came out as an almost embarrassing squeal, but really, it didn’t matter to you at the moment. You were trying desperately to get out of Becky’s hold before Dean was to come back.

“Becky,” someone from the tech crew came hollering in, informing Becky that her match was next. Becky looked behind her, her eyes widening before flickering back to you. You didn’t even need to look to see who was standing there. A blush erupted on your face, as you looked over, AJ with an almost perverted smirk on his face, and Dean with an eyebrow raised.

Your eyes widened at the sight of Dean. Watching you and Becky. Wrestling on the floor. Becky looked back down at you, mouthing a small, ‘sorry,’ your way, which you shot back a glare. She stood up, waving quickly to both AJ and Dean before jogging of towards the sound of her intro. A low whistle left AJ’s lips before he walked off, chuckling to himself. Dean looked down at me, eyebrow cocked, before he let out a small scoff, walking away.

Your head drooped back onto the floor, as you let out a groan. “Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck,” it became like a chant, as you buried your hands into your hair, wanting nothing more than to become one with the floor.

How could someone like him ever like someone like me?

You sprawled your arms and legs out on the floor, staring up at the ceiling and the occasional techie that went past you. You continued mumbling to yourself, admittedly looking like a crazy person.

“This is where I left ya 15 minutes ago,” you recognized the voice, laced with the slight tinge of awe. You nodded against the floor, refusing to leave this spot. She sighed out, before lying down next to you. “You okay?” She asked, voice filled with worry. Your head moved in her direction, throwing her a smile.

“ ‘m fine,” you mumbled out, looking back towards the ceiling. Becky sat up, reaching her hand out for you to take, which you did with a groan. She pulled the both of you up, before hugging you tightly.

“Go hit tha showers kid, ya done for today,” she laughed out, patting your back. You let out a chuckle, making your way towards the showers.

-

Did I do something bad in your past life? Was some higher power trying to punish me for some reason? You groaned, throwing a middle finger up towards the sky.

You had left your clothes in your locker, down the hall. You pulled your towel a little closer to your body, looking around for someone, anyone really to be taking a shower the same time you had. You slowly opened the door, looking around.

Clear. If you made a run for it, maybe, just maybe, no one would even have to know you left your clothes in the first place. You took one more quick look, before shutting the door behind you, feet moving quickly, and then smack.

Your eyes closed as you felt yourself slip tightening as arms wrapped around you. Your hold on the towel tightened, as you pleaded with whatever higher power existed to just not let it be one person, just don’t let it be Dean. You opened your eyes carefully, a deep blush pushing itself to your cheeks.

Fuck. Fuck your luck. He stared down at you, mouth tight together.

“U-um, I-I’m so-” he cut you off, taking his jacket off quickly, before sliding it over your shoulders, he took the towel from your hold, keeping it tight as he zipped the jacket up over your form. He shimmied the towel down, before wrapping it around your waist, covering your legs. Your nerves tingled in delight as he brushed your leg a bit.

Your eyes stayed wide as you watched him, a small smile lighting up his features as he stared down at his work. Your mouth hung a bit, as you continued staring at him before a deep chuckle lept past his lips. “You okay?” You nodded back quickly, mumbling out a small ‘thank you,’ before he nodded, walking with you to the locker room. His eyes flickered around, challenging anyone who happened to walk past the two of you.

“Lemme just switch my clothes really fast,” you started, pushing on the door that had your name scribbled onto it. You looked back at him as his hand reached for your wrist, tugging the sleeve of his jacket up a bit, rubbing small circles into the small of your wrist.

“Just bring it to me later,” he mumbled deeply. This was probably the first one on one conversation you had had with Dean, you could feel yourself falling deeper in love with the raspiness of his voice. You nodded up at him, your eyes locking with his. You bit down gently on your lower lip, pulling away from the eye contact. Dean’s eyes followed your movements as you went back into the locker room, whispering a small goodbye before closing the door.

-

As you stood by the exit, waiting for Becky, you began to think. How could you return Dean’s jacket without making an ass out of yourself? Right now, it sat up in your hotel room. You wanted nothing more than to run upstairs and put the thing on, your legs shivering a bit. Becky had gotten you to agree to go out, which you were excited about. You had gotten a new dress that you had been dying to wear out.

I could always give it back to him casually. Like, ‘hey dude, thanks for the loan bro.’ What does Roman call him again? Uce. You could call him that. Right? You groaned at the idea, shifting your feet. What if I came to his hotel room, wearing nothing but his jacket. That would be hot. Then he would at least know what you want. You felt a hand rest on your shoulder, all alarms in your body screaming at you as you whipped around, punching whoever it was in the face.

Your eyes fell wide when you saw Dean lying on the floor, hand covering his face. You looked up, making eye contact with Roman, Becky, and a few of the others as you looked back down at Dean, kneeling quickly.

“Shit, shit, shit, shit,” you mumbled out, taking Dean’s face in your hands, looking at his face. Becky and Roman rushed over, looking at you in awe, as you went to explain yourself, your hands leaving Dean’s face, cringing as you heard his head smack against the ground, another groan coming from him. Becky’s hand pressed against her forehead as Roman stared at you as if you were crazy, moving to help his best friend up.

-

My life is over. This is it. I am going to die at this bar, sad and alone.

You pressed your head against the bar, groaning audibly. You heard the clink of another glass being set next to you, the bartender understanding your situation. He thought it was the funniest thing, laughing the entire time you told the story. Luckily, that’s how you ended up with drinks on the house. You heard the sound of someone sitting next to you, not even making the effort to look up.

“Gave ‘im a nice bruiser,” you groaned yet again, moving your head to look over at Becky, never letting it up from the counter. “Warned ‘im not to touch ya, that you get punchy when scared. Wanted ta invite us to go out with ‘im and Ro,” she explained, your hands tangling in your hair as you sat up. Your mind screamed at you as you looked over at her with tear-stained cheeks. She whispered a small, ‘oh honey,’ your way before pulling you into a hug. “I think he likes ya more after dis,” she whispered, running her fingers through your hair. You pulled away, staring at her like she had grown 2 heads.

“I punched him in the face,” You spoke, wanting nothing more than to just disappear. “I punched the guy I have been in love with for months now, in the face,” She let out a breathy chuckle.

“Ya sure did, really nailed ‘im,” you cringed, picturing his bruised face. You took the glass placed in front of you on the bar, before chugging it in one gulp.

“ ‘m gonna go to bed,” you whispered, standing up and making your way towards the elevators. You watched as Becky quickly joined the others down at the bar, all looking back over at you. You sighed as you stepped into the elevator, leaning your head against the wall as the doors closed, leaving you alone with your thoughts. This had probably been the most exhausting day of your entire life.

You opened your hotel door slowly, eyes falling on the jacket that lay neatly on your bed. You remembered the earlier feeling you had wearing it against your uncovered breast, the way the leather felt, the way it smelled just like musk and sweat. You groaned as you reached for it, agreeing with yourself that really, you needed a pick me up after everything that had happened. You quickly stripped of your clothes, placing the jacket over your naked form, relishing in the way it felt against your body.

You lay against the bed, ignoring the noises from the room next door. Your bit your lip, knowing you would have to keep the noise down, as your fingers slipped to your clit, rubbing small circles there. You let out a small whimper of delight as you felt how soaked you had been.

-

I groaned, looking at the small bruise that had been bubbling up on my cheek. Damn, could that girl throw a punch. I smiled at the thought of her, god. If I wasn’t already in love before, I sure as hell was now. She looked good in my jacket. She looked good in anything. Shoulda taken her then and there. I snapped out of my thoughts at the sound of a small moan coming from the other room, rolling my eyes as I moved to tell whoever it was to keep it down.

“Dean, please,” it was quiet, but shit. It was there. I held back a groan as I kneeled on the bed, sitting against the wall. I could recognize that voice almost anywhere. My cock became hard almost instantly at the thought of her, fingers deep in that cute little pussy. I wonder what she was picturing me doing to her. The things I could do to her. Could go over there, give her what she’s practically beggin’ for. Another quiet moan interrupted my thoughts. I groaned at the noise, tugging off the basketball shorts I had been wearing, my cock shooting up. I closed my eyes at my touch, wanting nothing more than for it to be replaced by her delicate hands, fuck, that tight pussy.

I could tell she was close, her moans becoming louder, as I rubbed my shaft roughly, wanting nothing more than to get off with her. My hand stuttered a bit, strings of cum shooting onto my stomach, as I heard her moan my name loudly. I shot up immediately, cleaning off my stomach before throwing my basketball shorts back on, plucking the t-shirt from earlier from the floor, ripping my door open before pushing it over my head.

-

You leaned your head back against the bedpost, your orgasm washed over you. You shivered in delight. Your eyes flickered over to the door, listening to the light knocking. Expecting it to be Becky, you grabbed your panties from the floor throwing them on before going to answer the door.

“Becks, really I’m fine,” you groaned as you opened the door, eyes shooting open as you came face to face with Dean. You slammed the door quickly, nerves rushing over you. You looked down at your attire, panties paired with none other than Dean’s jacket. Seriously??

“Open the door,” his voice was deep, gravely. You slowly obeyed, pulling a blanket around yourself, jacket included, hiding your body behind the door.

“I’m sorry I punched you, it's a reflex when I get scared,” you spoke quickly, looking at the bruise on his cheek. He let out a deep chuckle, pushing on the door a bit.

“ S’okay. Probably one the cutest things I’ve seen you do,” he spoke, watching as you raised an eyebrow curiously. He shut the door slowly, growling a bit as he grabbed the blanket. “You know how turned on I am right now?” his voice was low, as he backed you against the wall. You shook your head, not knowing what the hell he was talking about, biting your lip as you felt your pussy tingle at his words. Another deep, almost menacing chuckle passed his lips. His arms trapped you against the wall, his head nodding in the direction of the wall by the bed.

“Walls are so damn thin, heard every little moan,” he groaned out, smirking down, before tugging on the blanket. “Fucking look at you,” he took in the sight, a blush dusting across your cheeks, his jacket like a goddamn dress on you. You let out a small whimper at his words, a smirk lighting up his features as he moved his face towards yours. Without warning, his lips crashed against yours, tongue immediately slipping in, taking any ounce of dominance you had. His hands grabbed at your hips roughly, before slipping to your ass, picking you up before throwing you onto the bed, his fingers immediately finding your core, rubbing you through the pair of panties you had thrown on.

“Made me cum all over m’self,” he mumbled out, a quiet moan passing your lips as you imagined him pleasuring himself to you. “Ya already fucking soaked, shit,” he groaned, moving down, ripping your panties off. Before you could scold him, his scruff burned your thighs, his lips wrapped around your clit, sucking roughly, before moving his tongue against your folds.

“Fuck,” you practically screamed out, your fingers tangling in his hair, pulling him closer to your core. His hands gripped roughly at your hips, pulling you closer to him, your moans growing louder with each passing second. “D-Dean,” you mumbled out, the bubble inside you bursting quickly. He groaned as he continued licking at your pussy, placing a quick kiss to your clit, before moving up, his lips devouring yours in a hungry kiss. His fingers made work of unzipping his jacket, a rough moan leaving his lips as he saw you wearing nothing underneath.

“Tryna kill me,” he groaned out, his lips immediately latching onto your collarbone as nipped and kissed at the skin roughly. “Know why I gave this to y’ earlier?” You shook your head, a small ‘no,’ leaving your lips as his hands found your breasts, massaging them gently as he spoke. “So any asshole who thought they were good enough to make a move on you knew y’mine, knew that this perfect little pussy belongs to me.” the near snarl of his voice only egged you on, your head meeting the wall as you held back whatever pathetic noise trying to escape.

A surge of confidence flew through you as you pushed his back to the bed, grinding your wetness against his cock teasingly. “Babydoll, don’t tease me,” his teeth were pressed together, trying to hold back moans. The grip he had on your hips became bruising. You let out a small whimper before you finally lowered yourself onto his dick.

You bit down your lip, enough to draw a speck of blood, as he fully sheathed himself inside you. A loud squeal left your lips as he thrust up into you, his lips wrapping around your breast, before placing small love bites around your chest. “Better not be keeping those beautiful noises from me,” he warned, You nodded back quickly, whimpering his name out as you started moving yourself, his fingers digging into your hips, as he met with your thrusts. “Look how well you’re taking m’cock,” he let out a deep chuckle, his lips found the underside of your chin, his scruff tickling a bit.

“Dean,” you whined out, growing tired of the slow thrusts that had been taking place. You felt him smirk against your throat, as he placed one last bite there.

“Gotta tell me what you want doll,” he spoke, moving his hips up to meet yours in slow, gentle thrusts. His hands roamed around every inch of your skin before you pulled him into a deep, passionate kiss.

“Aren’t you gonna fuck me like a man,” you whimpered out against his lips, a deep growl passing his as he pulled out, practically throwing you on your back. His kisses became bruising against your lips, letting out an almost whorish scream as he filled you again, no warning. His thrusts became animalistic, hitting all the right spots almost instantly. His hand slithered around your neck, a slight pressure being pressed down. Any words you wanted to say at the moment became noise, pleasure overriding every nerve in your body.

“What happened to that pretty little sass, huh?” He huffed, his thrusts never slowing, as his hands drifted, one holding your hips up as the other went to rub circles into your clit. “Look at you, fucking gorgeous doll,” he licked his lips, a breathy chuckle leaving his lips as his name became like a chant on your lips. “Yeah? Like when I fuck you like this?”

“Yes, yes, fuck, Dean,” your head fell back, the knot in your stomach quickly unraveling.

“Don’t you dare fuckin’ cum until I tell you to,” he growled out, you whined loudly, every muscle in your body screaming at you to cum, but god, you refused to disobey. “Gonna cum with my babydoll?” He questioned, though it came out as more of a command. You nodded wordlessly, all concentration focused on him. His thrusts became sloppy, his lips pressed to yours in a heated kiss before he growled a quick, ‘now,’ against your lips.

Your screams of pleasure echoed around the walls as you finally released, his groans mashing with yours as your walls tightened around his cock. His hips stuttered into yours, riding out each of your orgasms. Even as your orgasms died down, his lips connected with yours, deep breaths mixing. He pulled you to straddle his waist, your lips connecting in a light kiss before you rested your forehead against his. He smiled up at you, a light giggle bubbling past your lips. He wrapped himself around your waist, pulling you into his chest as he nudged the collar of his jacket a bit, gentle, loving kisses falling against your neck.

You smiled down at him, as he rested his head against your breasts. You heard him mumble something against your skin, cocking an eyebrow. “Repeat,” you whispered, your eyes widening with surprise when he repeated the words against your lips.

“I said I like you,” he whispered, kissing against the bright smile that had appeared on your lips as you repeated the words back over and over. Your phone buzzing interrupted your thoughts, as you reached over to pick it up. You answered quickly, Becky’s voice filling your ears.

“You okay?” She sounded guilty. You threw a quick ‘mhm,’ into the phone, giggling into the phone as Dean placed playful kisses against your throat. “What are ya doin’?” She spoke, as you started whispering to Dean to cut it out, which he groaned, before pulling out his stubborn streak and continuing to do so anyway. “Oh god, please tell me ya aren’t doin’ what I think you’re doin’,” she groaned into the phone, before hanging up quickly. At that, Dean took your phone throwing it across the room, before pushing you under his body, giggles filling the room as he whispered, ‘Round 2,’ against your lips, removing his jacket from your body and throwing it across the room.

-

Light knocks woke you up, you turned to your side, a sleeping Dean next to you. You smiled, placing a quick kiss against his cheek before grabbing a bathrobe, wrapping it around yourself before opening the door. You stepped out, seeing Becky. She was beaming at you before wrapping you in a quick hug.

The two of you talked in hushed voices, avoiding waking Dean up. You agreed to talk over lunch later if you could convince him to wake up. You snuck back into the room, moving quietly against the floor. The second you made it to the side of the bed, arms wrapped around you, pulling you in close.

“Where’d you go,” he mumbled into your chest, placing sleepy kisses there. You gently ran your fingers through his hair, as he groaned tiredly against your skin.

“Just talking with Becky,” you whispered, placing a kiss on his shoulder. “Go back to sleep,” he nodded against you, pulling your waist close, mumbling a small command of ‘don’t leave again,’ before his small snores filled your ears. You giggled quietly, closing your own eyes again. “Before I forget, we have lunch with her today,” a loud groan came from the sleepy lunatic.