#edit: THERE IS NOT SMUT JUST CRINGE AND ANGST

[edgygayguy]

[rowarn]

PLEASE, LOVE ME. PT2

simon riley / reader

FIND PART ONE || read the full thing on ao3

tags: childhood friends, friends2lovers, virgin!reader, soft!simon, protective!simon, afab!reader, hurt/comfort, angst with a happy ending, MDNI

cw: reader is over 20, pining, masturbation (reader), loss of virginity, explicit workplace sexual harassment/assault, so much crying, one-sided love, not-really-unrequited love, vomiting, panic attacks, depression, crying, sex related shame, PTSD (reader), codependency but cute, self-deprecating thoughts, slut shaming, wet dream, dry humping, simon fucks up tho, reference to suicide & suicidal ideation, really nasty argument, reader hits simon sorry, apologizes tho!!!, reader struggles to orgasm, drinking, fooling around while drunk (no sex), breast play, fingering, orgasm denial, simon's a tease, p-in-v, cunnilingus, multiple orgasms, creampie, mating press, missionary, simon's dirty mouth, dirty talk, wet&messy, big cock, uncut simon bc i said so, reassurance & encouragement, some pain upon penetration, clit spanking, post-coital crying!!!!!!, aftercare, briefly edited so apologies for any lingering mistakes

note: this is part two and contains the gratuitous smut portion ur all looking forward to <3

you've loved him since you were children. after a confession when you were 14 went rejected, you vowed to never let your feelings be known again. but after an incident that left you hurt and fragile, you find it hard to keep that promise.

PART 2: 17.9k total: 35.8k

Things seem to get much better between you. Your anger and resentment towards Simon diminishes significantly and you can finally say you feel comfortable around him again. You wouldn’t say you’ve forgotten everything that happened, you fear that the entire ordeal has left its scar on you. 

But you finally feel ready to truly begin to work on yourself and get to a better place mentally. 

You’re humming to yourself as you dust the surfaces in your living room, cringing in disgust when you see how dusty a particular shelf was. 

Just as you go to give it another swipe, your front door opens and Simon stumbles in, huffing from effort as he carries two armfuls of groceries. 

“Simon!” you cry out, watching with wide eyes from the stepstool you stood on as he ungracefully dropped them on the floor, “Why did you bring them all up here like that?”

“Didn’t wanna make another trip,” he explained lamely, flexing his hands as he looked over all the bags.

“Okay, I guess,” you chuckle softly. 

Simon finally looks up at you, “What are you doing?”

“Cleaning,” you shrug, waving the duster at him, “I haven’t felt like doing it until now so might as well get it done when I feel like it!”

He’s quiet for a moment before he steps over the bags of groceries.His boots thunk heavily on the floor as he approaches you. Suddenly, he wraps an arm around your middle. You squeak in surprise when he very carefully and gently pulls you off of the stool and places you back onto your feet. 

Then he walks away like nothing happened, snatching up a couple groceries up from the floor to take to the kitchen. 

You decide not to comment on his behavior and simply choose to grab a couple of bags and help him out. When you get inside the kitchen, he’s already stuffing things into the refrigerator. You place the bags down and go back to pick some more up, transferring all the bags of groceries near him so he can easily put them away. 

You notice one of the bags has some piping, lightbulbs, wires, and other things you can’t identify. 

“What’s all this?” you ask, holding the bag out to him when he turns to look.

He grunts, closing the fridge, “Gonna fix some shit around here.”

“Why?” you ask, scrunching your nose up as you place the bag on the counter.

“Shithole needs it,” he mumbles, moving to start opening the cabinets, “Since you refuse to let me move you out of this place, I’m gonna make sure it at least functions.”

You hum and nod your head. Simon had attempted to convince you to move out and into an apartment of his own choosing but you flat out refused. He was already paying the rent on this place, you weren’t going to let him spend more money for a different place – because you know Simon would choose somewhere that would cost a lot more than your current flat. 

But you couldn’t deny, the idea of Simon doing a little manual labor around the apartment made your heart flutter in your chest. The way he took care of you and was willing to get his hands dirty just to make sure you were comfortable. The little domestic tasks you could imagine him doing. 

It almost felt like something a husband would do. 

You felt your cheeks flush immediately at the train of thought. How embarrassing and juvenile to think something like that

“I can cook dinner!” you mumble after clearing your throat. 

Simon actually has the audacity to laugh. You frown as he shakes his head, closing the cabinet before turning to you. 

“Absolutely not,” he says.

Your jaw drops, “Why?!”

“Because,” he steps closer, pressing a soft kiss to your forehead before breezing past you, “You’re a terrible cook, love.”

You open your mouth to retort but can only huff. Because he’s right. The last time you tried to make dinner for the two of you, you had confused cayenne with cinnamon and made the most diabolical stew known to man. He vowed to never let you cook anything that required more than boiling water since. 

You pout your way back to the living room, mumbling a petulant, “Fine…” as you went.

You didn’t catch the broad grin on Simon’s face as he watched you sulk away. He was just happy to see your vibrance returning before his very eyes.

True to his word, however, he began to do some random odd jobs around the apartment. He changed that damn leaky faucet in the kitchen first. He would never admit it but it was beginning to drive him completely mad. He swore he could hear it dripping into the metal sink basin in his dreams.

Then he fixed the piping in the bathroom so they would stop all that god-awful clanking that practically woke up the entire complex. But after that, he figured he might as well fix the piping under the sinks as well.

That’s when you saw him. On his back, big body sprawled out as he worked underneath the cabinet, wrench in hand and soft grunts of effort coming from him. His t-shirt rose up just a bit, exposing a small stretch of tummy and his happy trail. Every once in a while, you could see his muscles flex and it made your mouth go completely dry. 

You felt like a Victorian man seeing his first ankle on a woman. Ridiculous. 

Sure, you’d seen Simon shirtless countless times – hell, you walked in on him completely naked once or twice. But there was something particularly…delicious about him like this. Unaware, casual, just doing work. 

It made a swell of heat settle in your abdomen. You squeezed your thighs together as you watched him. His biceps flexed and bulged, making the sleeve of his t-shirt grow taut around his skin. His muscles moved underneath the tattoos inked into his skin. 

You dragged your eyes down his body, past his pecs, past the sliver of tummy. You imagined yourself crawling between those thick thighs and unbuckling his belt, tugging at the button of his jeans. You imagined getting to see his cock chub up inside his boxers before you would pull it out and wrap your lips around the leaking tip. 

Salty, you imagine. You’ve always heard that men’s cum and pre-cum would be salty. Would Simon’s taste as bad as some of your friends had told you back in highschool? You hoped not. You couldn’t imagine not enjoying every part of him – even his cum.

You wanted him to shoot in your mouth, let you taste it. You wanted to milk it out of him, give him no choice but to cum down your throat.

“Are you just going to stand there or do you need something?” his voice startled you out of your thoughts.

Wide eyed, you looked to meet his gaze but you found he wasn’t even looking at you, still staring at the piped overhead.

“Um,” you cleared your throat, floundering for an excuse as to why you were ogling him like a piece of meat, “I didn’t want to interrupt you. I-I was just wanting to make sure the shower was okay to use?”

He grunts, letting out a soft sigh  before pushing himself out from under the sink, closing the cabinet before wiping his brow with the back of his hand, “Yeah, go ahead and shower, love.”

You give him a tight-lipped smile, casting one last glance to see that his t-shirt had fallen back into place. Disappointing. 

You trudge out of the kitchen and into the bathroom. Softly, you close the door and turn on the shower. The pipes don’t clang when the water shoots through them. It brings a smile to your face.

Once you’re stripped and standing under the warm spray, you let your hands wander your body. First, you cup your breasts, watching your nipples harden under your own touch before you slide one hand between your thighs. There’s a slickness between your folds that's distinctly different from the water, it’s slippery and sticky. But it makes your touch against your clit easy. 

You bite your lips to keep quiet, scared to death that Simon could hear you from under the sound of the water. You make quick, tight little circles against your clit. The bud is hard and twitches under your fingers. It makes the breath stutter out of your chest. 

You need more room, you realize, hiking your foot up onto a shelf. It spreads you open just a little more, gives you a little more access for your fingers to play. You sigh, head tipping forward to watch as you circle your own clit. 

But the more you touch yourself, the faster that tingling, warm sensation dissipates. You huff through your clenched teeth, frustrated. 

Usually, you could at least feel the beginning of that peak forming but this time…not even close. So you shamefully close your legs and go about your shower as if nothing happened, taking care to wash the slick from between your thighs especially.

As you lay in bed that night, Simon breathing deeply beside you as he slept, you were lost in thought. 

Surely, you were in the wrong for thinking about Simon like that – for getting wet at the sight of him. And then sleeping soundly next to him as if you weren’t some kind of pervert. Maybe you should just confess and apologize to him. 

No. You quickly admonish that thought, glancing over at his prone form. You couldn’t bear to see him be disgusted by you. He’d already rejected you years ago, finalized it and put the nail in the coffin so you would never be dumb enough to do it again. 

What would he do if he found out about your…attraction to him? He practically lived with you now, after everything happened. He was in your flat more than he was on base now. It was only a matter of time before he caught you with your hands dancing in your pants. 

Your cheeks flushed at the idea. Part of you thought it hot – for him to find you needy like that, desperately playing with your clit as you try to make yourself cum. 

But on the other hand, you could see the wrinkle of disgust in his brow and sneer on his face as he walked away. That outcome was not worth it, you decided. 

With a sigh, you rolled over so your back faced Simon and closed your eyes for the night. 

You both should have known better that the fragile peacefulness between the two of you was just that – fragile, balancing on a delicate precipice that could shatter at any moment. 

The ring of his phone was the break. 

“Answer that for me, love!” he called from the kitchen where he was busy preparing dinner. 

You leaned forward to check the number. It wasn’t in his contacts but Simon never got calls from people unless he knew them. So you slowly slid the button over and accepted the call. 

“Hello?” you mumbled into the phone.

There was a beat of silence before a woman’s voice responded in kind, “Hello?”

“Um…” you swallowed down the apprehension that settled in your chest, casting a glance towards Simon’s back as he stood over the stove, “Who may I ask is calling?”

“I’m looking for Simon,” she said, sounding much more coy than a second ago. She knew his real name and that irked you. People from work always referred to him as Ghost, only those he considered trustworthy or friends were privy to calling him Simon. 

“Um, he’s busy at the moment, can I take a message?” you ask, loud enough for Simon to hear in the kitchen if he was interested in intervening. But he didn’t move. 

“Sure!” she giggled, “Tell him that Victoria really wants to see him again and to call me so we can!”

You swallowed around the lump in your throat, “Y-Yeah, sure. I’ll let him know…”

“Thank you,” she cooed in a sultry tone, “Oh! And tell him I really had a great time last time we were together and that I’m looking forward to a repeat performance.”

“Yeah. I’ll do that,” you assured, hoping you didn’t sound as tense as you felt. 

She giggled before the call disconnected and you were left glaring at his stupid stock phone wallpaper.

“Who was it?” Simon comes to the archway of the kitchen, leaning against the wall. You can’t hear anything cooking anymore so you assume he’s finished dinner.

“Victoria,” you spit the name out like it’s poisonous, “Says she wants to see you again and she had a fantastic time with you last time.”

Simon shifts where he stands, looking down at his feet before looking back up to you, “Alright. I’ll call her back later.”

That sends knives straight through your heart. It aches so badly that you want to bite your own tongue off to make it stop. 

Jealousy, you realize. You’re fucking jealous. Some girl calls and asks for his dick and he just says okay? 

He’s not yours, you tell yourself. He can fuck whoever he wants. 

But that does nothing to quell the inferno raging inside you. 

There’s other feelings brewing inside you; rejection, fear, loss.

You feel bitter that you’re right there and he would still never choose you. He’ll always choose someone else because he doesn’t see you like that. It feels like he’s throwing it in your face, just spitting at you to show you that he doesn’t love you like you love him. He never has and he never will. You’ll never be an option to him because he doesn’t want you.

Then you’re scared he’s going to leave you. He’s going to go to this Victoria chick and leave you all alone so he can get his dick wet again. Just like last time. Maybe he’ll like it so much he wants to stay with her. Maybe he’s going to leave you behind so he can start a new, happy life without having to worry about the dead weight that’s been dragging him down since he was 8. You. His responsibility. His problem. 

You’re so scared that he’s going to be ripped from your grasp. That you’re going to lose him to someone else and it’s going to be you and your pathetic one-sided love for the rest of your life. Fuck, you’ve loved him since you were 4. You’ve loved him for so long that it makes you nauseous to think about. How many people loved one person for this long? 

Please, you wanted to cry to him, please love me. 

Please, just love me back.

“So you’re gonna go then?’ you finally find your voice, bitterness and resentment thick in your tone, “You’re gonna leave me to go to a booty call again?”

He stands up straight at that. Arms cross over his chest, he watches that way you glare at him, heated and teary-eyed. Hurt. 

He knew you still weren’t over the way he left you that time – when you needed him the most. You’d been ignoring the residual hurt that lingered, intent on pretending that everything was fine. He had been doing his best to make up for it but it always felt like one step forward and two steps back with you. 

“I’m not going anywhere,” he assures softly, “I’ll call her back to tell her that it won’t happen.”

He tries his best to remain level-headed and soft, to be reassuring like he knows you need. But your expression doesn’t change. You continue to glare at him with that furious, hurt look in your eyes. 

Suddenly, you stand. 

“I don’t believe you,” you hiss, turning your back to him, storming down the hallway. 

He almost winces when he hears how hard you slam the bedroom door. He thinks about going back there to talk to you but decides against it. You need some space to calm yourself down. 

He eats the dinner he made for both of you alone, putting your half in the fridge for later. He goes about the apartment, locking the door and turning out all the lights. Then he gets to the bedroom door and goes to turn the knob and it doesn’t budge. 

Despite himself, he laughs. He jiggles the knob, jerks the door a little harder like it’ll open with a bit of force. And it might, it’s a flimsy ass door if he’s being honest – he’s forced bigger and heavier doors open before. 

He snaps your name, humor gone from his voice. You don’t answer. 

“Open the damn door,” he snaps, trying the knob again. He gets silence in return so he slams his fist against the surface. The sound is loud enough that it makes his own ears ring, “I said open the door. I’m not playin’ this game with you, sweetheart.”

“Sleep on the couch, Simon!” he hears your wobbly voice call back. Of course you’re in there crying, he thinks.

“I’m not sleepin’ on the fuckin’ couch,” he hisses, leaning his forearm against the door, resting his head against it with a sigh, “Open the door and let’s talk.”

“Don’t wanna talk to you,” you whine, bratty as all hell. He would have laughed if he wasn’t so damn pissed, “Why don’t you go sleep with Victoria since you like her so much.”

You don’t know why you say that last part. You don’t want him to go to her, you don’t want him to go anywhere. The thought of it brings more tears to your eyes. 

Simon is silent on the other side of the door for a long while. You almost think he walked away and succumbed to the couch. You wouldn’t actually let him sleep on that awful thing, of course. You just…you don’t know what the end goal here is, if you’re honest.

“Fine,” he finally spits, “If that’s what you want, I’ll fuck off and find Victoria.”

You hear the floorboards creak under his weight as he walks away. You sit up straight in bed at that, eyes wide as you listen to him stalk through the house. You swear you hear the jingle of his keys and that’s what has you lurching out of bed in a panic.

You almost trip over the sheets as they tangle around your legs but you manage to free yourself and wrench the door open.

“Simon!” you practically shriek, rounding the corner of the hallway to find him standing with his back to you, facing the door.

He’s got his hoodie and mask on, boots firmly on his feet and keys in hand. He stands still, back straight as his shoulders rise and fall with his breathing. But he waits.

“Don’t go,” you find yourself whimpering, “‘M sorry. Come to bed, okay?”

He doesn’t move and that makes your heart pound in your chest. You know he’s pissed, can see it in the way his fists stay clenched at his sides. His fingers twitch and he makes a move for the doorknob and you surge forward, wrapping yourself around his other arm, yanking him away from the door as hard as you can. 

He lets your weight knock him off balance, lets you drag him away from the door. He lets you tug him down the hallway, sniffling and crying as you do. 

“J-Just…” you find yourself frantically tugging his mask off, tossing it away before you rip the hem of his hoodie up. He doesn’t help you or fight you as you try to take it off of him. He just stares blankly at you, like he’s assessing you. You hate it. “G-Get ready for bed, okay? Just…we can go to sleep.”

“Why do you make this so fuckin’ hard for me?” he finally breaks his silence, the question cold and calculating. Like he’s tired. Exhausted, “I keep tryin’ to make it up to you. But every time something goes wrong, you throw everything back in my face and you act like you hate me again. I can’t keep…” he trails off, shaking his head before he sits at the foot of the bed, hands clasped together and head hanging between his shoulders.

“I love you,” you blurt out, a sob breaking out of your lips as you do. Simon doesn’t move. Your hands cover your eyes, as if being blind to his reaction will make the rejection hurt less, “I love you and i-it just keeps messing me up inside. I’m sorry.”

“You love me?” he asks, still no emotion in his voice. 

When you peek at him, he’s in the same position as before, hands clasped, elbows on his knees, head bowed. You have no idea what expression he’s wearing and you’re scared to find out.

“Yes,” you hiccup, sniffling softly, “I’m sorry.”

“Why are you apologizing?” he asks softly, almost solemnly.

“I promised,” you cry, another choked sob escaping you. 

“Promised..?” he doesn’t sound cold anymore, just confused, “The fuck’re you talkin’ about?”

“W-When I was 14,” you whimper, shame filling you as you recall your now-broken promise, “I-I told you I liked you and you said you didn’t feel the same. You told me to never bring it up again and I promised I wouldn’t. B-But…” you sobbed again, stopping yourself from finishing the sentence.

“Fuckin’ hell…” he breathes, bringing his hands to his face, scrubbing them up and down vigorously in a way that looks like it hurts. Then he laughs. 

He fucking laughs. 

It’s like your worst fears come to light. He’s laughing at you, at your confession. At your feelings. A fresh wave of tears fill your eyes and fall down your cheeks. You bite your lips to keep from making your sobs audible anymore. You didn’t want him to laugh at that too. You hang your head, wringing your hands together behind your back anxiously as Simon quiets down. 

“Shit,” he breathes, getting to his feet. He stands before you, cupping your cheeks and forcing you to look at him. He frowns when he sees the utter despair on your face, the heartbreak in your eyes, “No, baby. No, no. I wasn’t laughin’ at you.”

Baby. You catch onto it. He’s never called you that before. 

You dash the spark of hope that it causes. 

He rubs his thumbs under your eyes, wiping the tears away. 

Then, he leans forward and slots his lips against yours. 

It’s like fireworks explode in your chest. Your heart races so fast that you feel lightheaded. You can’t even respond to the kiss in time before he pulls away, your mind is moving too fast for you to process any meaningful thought. But he kissed you. 

Simon kissed you.

“What?” you finally manage to whisper, looking up with wide, shocked eyes, “Why did you..?”

He looks confused for a second, still cupping your cheeks as he looks into your watery eyes, “You really have no idea?” Your brows furrow immediately and you shake your head, “How I feel about you?”

“You feel..?” you dumbly repeat. 

He smiles softly, thumb rubbing softly over your cheekbone, “You really think I don’t feel the same?”

“B-But when…when we were kids I…” you stumble over your words, the truth you’ve believed this entire time seemingly false, “You s-said you didn’t feel the same.”

“Jesus, love,” he huffs softly in disbelief, “You were fourteen. I was seventeen. You were way too fuckin’ young for me, it wouldn’t have been right.”

“B-But then…” you stutter, reaching up to wipe your cheek, “When did you..?”

He shrugs, “Not sure exactly. Suppose sometime after you turned 20 was when I realized I felt somethin’ for you.”

“So you really…” you whisper, snagging your hands into his hoodie to pull him close, “You really…I mean…”

“Love you?” he smiles softly, “Of course I do.”

You lean forward and press your lips to his. He hums, wrapping one strong arm around your middle to pull you even closer. His lips work magically over yours, taking control of the kiss with ease. You easily melt into it, following his lead. It’s not as easy as you thought it would be and you hope Simon doesn’t notice. 

But he does, of course he does. 

He pulls away and smooths the palm of his hand down your cheek before it comes to rest on your jaw. His thumb slides over your bottom lip and he hums.

“You ever kissed before?” he asks, voice calm and level with no teasing to it at all.

Still, heat explodes all over your face. Embarrassment overrides the euphoria of your requited feelings. You try to pull away but Simon’s much stronger and he won’t let go unless he wants to. 

“Hey, don’t run,” he coos softly, turning your face to look back up at him, “I was just askin’.”

“No,” you mumble, still burning with embarrassment, “I-I’ve only ever liked you so…”

“Fuckin’ hell…” he whispers, letting you step back just a bit so he can look over you, “Is that right?”

“You should know that,” you mumble, feeling small under his scrutiny, “You know everything about me.”

“Didn’t think datin’ history was somethin’ you felt like sharin’,” he shrugged off.

“Well, now you know,” you mutter, your gaze glued to the floor.

“That I do,” he hums in agreement, reaching out to brush a hand down the length of your arm. 

A soft, quietness falls over the two of you. You’re not sure what to do and it seems he’s content where he is. He’s watching you, tracking every little shift and fidget you make until he finally seems to take pity on you.

“Let’s get to bed,” he says softly, giving you a soft nudge towards the bed. 

You take the opportunity to dive into bed, yanking the blanket over you as Simon strips himself out of his boots and hoodie. You go to look away as he yanks his belt free with practiced hands but you can’t seem to. He slips the belt out of the loops and drops it on the dresser before unbuttoning his jeans and slipping them off. 

Your mouth waters at the sight of him in a tight pair of navy boxer-briefs slung low on his hips. You can make out the shape of his–

“Enjoyin’ the view?” he mumbles half-heartedly as he turns to root through the dresser to find some sweatpants. 

“Sorry…” you mutter shamefully at being caught. 

He chuckles under his breath, pulling the sweats on before he rounds to his side of the bed and drops onto the mattress, “Nothin’ to be sorry about.”

He leans over you and turns out the tableside lamp. Then he settles into his pillow with a soft sigh.

“Si..?” you whisper.

“Yeah?” you can hear the smile in his voice.

“Are we um…” you clear your throat, “I mean like…are we…together now..?”

You feel him roll over and toss his arms around you. You squeak when he tugs you towards him roughly, securing you against his chest before he kisses the top of your head.

“Do you want to be together?” he asks, muffled by his lips pressed against you. 

“Yes,” you whisper quickly, wrapping yourself around him almost possessively.

He tilts your head up and carefully slots his mouth over yours again. You sigh happily at the feeling. 

You notice that he keeps it a lot slower than he had before, moving his lips carefully against yours. Like he’s trying to make it easier for you to keep up. It makes your cheeks flush again but you sink into the pillow and let him kiss all he wants as you do your best to match his movements. 

His body shifts, torso hovering over you as he rests his weight on his elbows on either side of your head. Your hands rest against his shoulders and simply get lost in the kiss. 

After a moment, he deepens the kiss, sinking into you with his chest pressed against yours. You whimper and wrap your arms around his neck, carding your fingers through his cropped hair. 

One of his hands moves, coming to grip your waist, fingers sliding up the hem of your shirt. It’s like a dream come true. Literally. 

All those nights you spent with your hand between your thighs, thinking of him. Thinking of him touching you like this – with his hand sliding your shirt up a little further every second. You even feel that familiar wetness soaking your panties.

Then why was your heart racing from anxiety instead of excitement? Why did you feel a fearful tremble setting in your thighs, as if your knees would be knocking together if you were standing. Why were you scared?

Before you can stop yourself, you’re shoving your hands against his chest with a weak, “No!”

Simon is off of you in seconds but you can feel his gaze on you in the darkness. You struggle to catch your breath as you lay there, heart pounding in your ears. Your head hurts, you realize with a wince.

“Um…” you find yourself attempting to appease him, “I-I don’t…I’m sorry, I…”

“It’s alright,” he whispers sincerely, settling down into bed with a content hum, “Nothin’ to worry about, love.”

You scoot closer to him and hesitantly place your head on his chest. Simon’s arm wraps around your back and tucks you even more snug against him. You close your eyes and will yourself to relax and sleep as you feel Simon’s comforting hand rubbing your back. 

Neither of you talk about it in the morning. Or the day after that. Or the day after that. You don’t bring it up, even though you want to, and Simon doesn’t try touching you like that again. Part of you wants him to, you’ve been dreaming about his touch for years but once you finally get it, you freak out?

You can’t stop beating yourself up over it. 

But then you think about the anxiety that it had caused. The apprehension. How uncomfortable it felt – how you wanted his hands off of you. 

You sighed, flopping onto your side on the couch where you sat. Your mind was buzzing annoyingly from your thoughts. 

Regardless of your problems, you were happier than ever with him. He was finally yours. Wholly and truly yours. It was bliss. 

“Got a call,” Simon says, snapping you out of your daze, “Gotta leave.”

That makes you sit up, “Leave?”

You finally notice that he’s got his bag packed – the one he only takes when he’s getting deployed. You’re on your feet in seconds, following him to the door. He’s wearing his skull balaclava so all you can see are his eyes – sad, apologetic.

“H-How long?” you ask, unable to ignore the ache in your chest as you watch him.

“Few weeks, probably,” he mutters, placing the bag down so he can tuck his feet into his boots.

He straightens up with a grunt before turning to you. He sighs, gloved hands cupping your cheeks when he sees how sad you look – like a kicked puppy. You wish you could feel his bare hands on you but can’t find it in you to ask. 

“I don’t want you to go,” you find yourself mumbling.

It’s selfish and even a bit cruel of you to voice that desire. Simon’s thumb strokes your cheek in that sweet way he always does and you melt into him. He lets you thump your head against his chest as you suppress your cries, biting your lip so you can keep your tears at bay. 

“I know,” he softly whispers, stroking your back as you cling to him, “I know, but I have to.”

“I know,” you mumble, finally looking up at him. You know your eyes are glassy and you make sure to blink back the tears so they never overflow, “Just be safe and come home, okay?”

He lifts his mask up just enough to expose his lips before he leans down to kiss you. It’s a whole body experience this time. He clutches you against him like his life depends on it, gloved hands fiercely gripping the back of your t-shirt. His lips move smoothly against yours, hand coming up to cup your jaw so he can tilt your head and pull you even deeper into his kiss. He pulls away when he needs to breathe, smiling when he sees the dazed, lovesick expression on your face. He tugs his mask down and lets you go but you stay as close to him as possible. 

“Make sure you stay warm,” he coos, “Gonna start gettin’ real cold in a couple days.”

“I will, Si,” you assure him.

“Left some cash for you to do your shoppin’,” he adds, “I know you’re a shit cook but I left a list of some easy recipes. Don’t burn the flat down.”

You snort and playfully smack his shoulder, “I’ll just buy some cup noodles in that case.”

He rolls his eyes, pinching your side to make you gasp from the ticklish feeling, “Don’t even think about it.”

Your grin falters when his phone makes that obnoxious beeping noise that lets you know it’s something urgent. He sighs, the tranquil happiness between you two broken immediately. He kisses your forehead through his mask and pulls the front door open.

“Keep this locked,” he mutters, stepping past the threshold, “I’ll be home soon.”

He closes the door and you’re left with an emptiness that overcomes you. You’ve always been scared for him when he has to go off on missions – you know that his job is extremely dangerous and he could lose his life at any moment. That thought alone makes a nauseous pit settle in your stomach. You push down the feeling of bile rising in the back of your throat and click the lock on the door with a sigh before you go about your day, trying your best to keep your mind off of him and where he might be in the world. 

True to his word, however, the temperature drops bitterly cold within 2 days after he leaves. There had already been a chill in the air that drove you to turn the heating on just a bit but now it was full blast. But now, it was dipping to freezing and you were anticipating the arrival of snow soon enough as well. 

You wake up one morning, however, and your apartment is bitterly cold. You sit up, confused before climbing out of bed. Your feet are immediately freezing as you step onto the floor. You hiss, wrapping your arms around yourself as you stumble over to the radiator in your room. You touch it and find absolutely no heat emanating from it. 

All the radiators are the same. Absolutely no heat. 

You curse, realizing you have no idea what you’re supposed to do. You curl up on the couch under a heavy throw blanket as you type with bitterly cold fingers into Google, looking for anything that can help you. But it’s to no avail. You can’t understand a thing. 

Your next thought is to call the building manager but you know that’s pointless. The useless man never actually helps with any work for his tenants. 

There’s no way in hell that you can afford to call someone to come and fix the problem. You have money for groceries but if you spent that you wouldn’t have anything to eat. You sigh, resolving yourself to bundling up and trying to stay as warm as you can. 

You pile all the blankets you have into bed and pick out only your thickest, warmest sweaters. 

This is going to be miserable, you think. 

The snow comes just a short week later and it feels even colder. You venture out of your flat to go to the grocery store, picking up ingredients for the dishes Simon wrote down for you and also some cans of soup that you can cook to stay warm. You also throw some boxes of tea and some hot chocolate in with it, figuring why not. Warm drinks will help. 

It’s almost 3 weeks of living like that. It’s miserable and makes your bones ache from how stiff the cold makes you feel. You make sure to eat nice, hot food to keep yourself warm and make frequent cups of warm drinks so you can keep your hands warm for as long as you can. You do your best. 

The worst is showers, though. When you’re standing under the blisteringly hot spray, it’s bliss. But the second you step out and your wet body is hit with the freezing air, you couldn’t have felt more miserable. 

The night Simon walks through the door, he finds you bundled up on the couch sipping a cup of hot chocolate. 

“Simon!” you gasp excitedly, tossing the blankets off to take a running leap at him. 

He huffs contentedly when he catches you in his arms, letting you embrace him for as long as you need. He strips his mask off and brings you in for a delicate kiss.

“Let me wash up,” he mumbles, stalking through the apartment.

“Um, before you do, Si,” you catch him at the entrance to the hallway. He turns to you and looks at you with a brow raised, “The um…heating is broken so…just letting you know when you come out of the shower it’s gonna suck.”

“Ain’t nothin’ I haven’t dealt with before,” he mutters and pauses, “The fuck you mean it’s broken?”

“Heating cut off a few weeks ago…” you shrug, wrapping your arms around yourself as you start to feel the cold creep in again.

“A few weeks ago?” he hisses, running a stressed hand through his hair, “Fuckin’ hell. You didn’t call someone to fix it?”

You pout as he raises his voice, clearly frustrated, “I couldn’t afford it, Si! I had the money you gave me for food but I wasn’t gonna spend that to get the heating fixed. You know the building manager is a piece of shit, not like he was gonna call someone.”

He sighs, crossing his arms over his chest, seemingly thinking something over. Then he turns on his heel and storms into the bathroom, slamming the door.

“I’m sorry, Simon!” you call through the door, “I didn’t know what else to do! Please, don’t be mad.”

The shower turns on and all you can do is look up and sigh in exasperation. The second he’s home and he’s already pissed at you. 

You sulk over to the couch and flop down, tossing your blankets over you as you grab your mug. The hot chocolate is still warm but not as hot as it was. It’ll have to do.

Simon comes out of the shower, gets dressed warmly, and joins you in the living room. He doesn’t even look at you as he makes a move for his bag that he left by the door. You almost think he’s going to scoop the bag up and storm out the door. You sit up, ready to stop him but instead, he stoops down and zips it open. He pulls out his wallet and approaches you. 

“What are you doing?” you mumble, watching him flip the thing open.

It’s old and worn, a simple black leather wallet. He’s had it for as long as you could remember and you’ve put the poor thing through the washer and dryer so many times that you’re shocked it's still intact. 

He pulls out a bank card and promptly hands it to you. Your brain stutters to a stop as you look at it.

“Take it, fuck sake,” he mutters. He sounds annoyed but the way he looks away and his ears turn pink you can tell he’s…shy. 

Simon Riley is fucking shy right now.

You take the bank card out of his hand and look at it, flipping over in your hands, “Why are you giving this to me?”

“So you can use it,” he mumbles, slamming his wallet shut and tossing it onto the table, “That way, in case anything happens you can withdraw from my account for what you need. If an emergency happens and I’m not around, use it.”

“Simon…” you mumble, looking up at him, “Are you sure..?”

“Course I’m sure,” he scoffs, taking a seat beside you before softly rattling off four digits.

“Huh?” you dumbly ask.

“It’s my pin,” he responds, grabbing one of the blankets you have piled on the couch and tossing it on his lap.

“That’s my birthday…” you say softly as you repeat the numbers over and over in your head, “Your bank pin is my birthday?”

He snatches the remote up from the table and turns the TV on without another word. But you can see how pink the tips of his ears are. It makes you beam and before you know it, you’re curling snugly into his side. 

“Love you, Si,” you whisper, earning a kiss to the top of your head in response.

Simon calls the next morning to have someone come by and fix the damn heating. You listen to the man rattle off some information to Simon about what the problem was but it makes virtually no sense to you so you resolve yourself to sitting on the couch and waiting until it’s warm again. 

But even when it’s nice and toasty inside, you still plaster yourself to Simon’s side, snuggling as close to him as you possibly can.

“I want you to meet my team,” Simon says one morning while he’s making some eggs. 

You’re standing by the toaster, waiting for it to pop up but his words make you turn to him, “You mean 141?”

“Who else?” he huffs, flipping one of the eggs. It sizzles loudly in the pan, “They wanted me to go out with them tonight. Thought you could join us.”

“Really?” you realize how incredulous you sound and then try again, “I mean really? That’s okay with you?”

He nods, plating the eggs, “I think it’s time they met you.”

“I-I’d love to,” you say, unable to hide the excitement you feel. 

You catch a slip of a smile on Simon’s face before the toast pops up and distracts you. 

You have to dig into your closet that evening, after a shower, to find something nice to wear. You figure an occasion like this calls for something a little nicer than just jeans and a t-shirt like you usually wear. But you can’t find much of anything. 

“What’re you huffin’ about in  here?” Simon asks when he walks in, towel wrapped around his waist. He’s still dripping wet from the shower and you can feel the way your mouth fills with saliva at the sight. 

“I uh…don’t know what to wear…” you respond, turning your back to him just as he slips the towel off. Your cheeks feel like they’re on fire, imagining Simon completely naked behind you.

“Wear those nice jeans you got,” he mumbles, grunting as he gets himself dressed, “And that little blue top you got.”

“The cropped one?” you ask incredulously, a brow raised as you turn to him. He’s got some jeans on now and he’s meticulously unfolding a black t-shirt so he can put it on, “I haven’t worn that in a while, how’d you even remember it?”

He shrugs, the muscles in his back rippling with his movement before he tosses the shirt over his head and pulls it down, covering his skin once again, “It’s cute. We’re just goin’ to the pub, love.”

“Okay,” you mumble, reaching into the back of your closet to pull the little shirt out, “If you’re sure this will be okay.”

“I’m sure,” he chuckles softly, grabbing his balaclava off the dresser. But he doesn’t put it on yet. Instead, he sits on the bed and watches you change.

You’re acutely aware of his eyes on you as you strip your shirt off. You keep your back to him, trying to ignore your racing heart. You don’t feel uncomfortable at all, instead you feel…excited. 

Your mind runs wild, imagining him stepping up behind you, kissing your neck and cupping your bare breasts in his big hands. They’re a little rough from his line of work and you wonder what they’d feel like against the sensitive skin of your tits, thumbing your nipples and pinching them a little meanly. 

“C-Can you hand me a bra?” you find yourself asking.

He grunts in acknowledgement and the bed creaks when his weight moves off it. He opens one of the drawers and is behind you in a second. His body heat permeates through his shirt as he presses his chest against your back. 

He slings your bra over your shoulder, holding it with one finger by the strap. You can’t help but tilt your head back to look up at him. He’s towering over you, pretty, brown eyes looking down his nose at you. 

You realize in this position, he could clearly see your breasts but he keeps his eyes on yours. You take the bra from him and he lets you, simply staring into your eyes with that stern silence he has about him.

“T-Thanks…” you find yourself whispering, mouth feeling particularly dry.

He grunts, lips quirked up just a bit before he turns his back and walks back to the bed. You let out a quiet, slow breath, willing your heart rate to go back to normal.

Simon was so exhilarating. Just being around him sets your heart racing and fingers trembling. 

You put your bra on and slip your top over your head, ignoring the sticky feeling in your panties as you do. 

“I don’t know, Si,” you mutter, turning to face him, “I-It’s a little tight on me now.”

The fabric once hugged you nicely but now it was snug. It molded around your breasts, even showing the lines of your bra. The neckline was low, giving a good show of cleavage – it didn’t help that Simon picked one of your more well padded bras. 

Simon looks up, his eyes immediately falling to your breasts. He sucks in a quick breath and looks away, licking his lips.

“Looks fine,” he mutters, standing to pull one of the drawers open again. He searches for a second, brows furrowed until he pulls out the jeans he was talking about. The ‘nice jeans’ as he called them, were just some low rise jeans you’d only worn about 4 times.

You look dumbly at them as he drops them into your hands.

“These?” you scoff, “Simon, I can’t–”

He quiets you with a kiss to your forehead, “Trust me, love.”

He steps out of the room after that, leaving you to your own devices. You’re thankful that you can change your panties without him seeing how saturated and sticky they’ve become because of him. You bury them in the laundry basket and remind yourself that you should do the laundry before he does because you’d be mortified if he found them. 

You don’t even look at yourself in the mirror, afraid you’ll feel too self-conscious if you see what you look like. But you trust Simon’s judgment on what he thinks would look good on you – and you can’t deny that dressing up how he likes feels nice. 

You step into the living room, intent on pulling your shoes on when Simon catches you with an arm around your waist. You gasp as he turns you to face him.

“You look lovely,” he whispers, smoothing his hands up your sides, thumbs slipping under the hem of your shirt to stroke your skin.

You swallow thickly as your heart starts racing in your chest again. He leans down and pecks your lips but pulls back before you have the chance to kiss back. 

“Let’s go,” is all he adds before walking away, leaving you no choice but to follow like the lovesick puppy you are. 

Walking into the bar, your heart pounds painfully in your chest from pure anxiety. Your hand is clasped tightly in Simon’s as he easily moves through the crowd. You suppose his height makes it easy to see over people. 

“You alright?” he asks, leaning down to whisper in your ear.

“Haven’t been in a bar since I worked at…” you trail off, giving him a half-hearted shrug.

“If you wanna leave, just say the word,” he mutters, giving your hand a squeeze.

“N-No,” you shake your head, shooting him a wobbly smile,”I wanna meet your team at least.”

He smiles reassuringly and gives your hand a tug to encourage you to follow him. He leads you right to a table situated in a corner, three men laughing and drinking. 

“There he is!” the one with the mohawk cheeks, holding up his pint in celebration.

“Shut up, Soap,” Simon grumbles petulantly as he pulls out a chair for you.

Soap, you note to yourself. You know them by name but you’ve never actually seen the faces to put to them. Soap looks like you imagined, a broad grin and pretty, bright eyes – you imagined them green but they’re blue. 

“And who is this lovely companion of yours, Simon?” an older man with a hat and mutton chops asks with a kind smile, eyes on you.

Simon says your name before he sits down with a grunt beside you.

“Price,” your boyfriend supplies when you look curiously at him.

The man in question holds out a hand which you take and softly shake, “Nice to meet you.”

“Had no idea Lt. had someone waitin’ for him at home,” Soap says, a teasing lilt in his voice. 

So you’ve met Soap, Price, and that leaves; your eyes land on the quiet guy sitting back in his chair, a cool smile on his lips. He meets your gaze and his smile broadens – not teasing like Soap’s but purely kind.

“You can call me Kyle,” he gives you a polite nod.

“Gaz, then?” you question, tilting your head to the side. Kyle looks surprised, eyes flicking to Simon who shifts uncomfortably in his chair, “He’s talked about all of you before. I only know your call signs though.”

“John will do fine if you’d like,” Price says, tipping his beer back to take a chug.

“Simon calls me Johnny,” Soap adds, “You’re welcome to as well. Anyone important to the Lieutenant is important to us.”

Out of the corner of your eye you see Simon roll his eyes. It makes you smile. He leans over, nudging you with his knee, “You want anything to drink? I need one.”

“No thank you, Si,” you reply, intent on having a clear head for the night. You’ve never been much of a drinker anyway. 

When Simon’s gone from the table, you suddenly feel incredibly out of place. Price and Kyle have the decency to not stare you down but Soap seems keen on keeping his baby blue’s right on you and a goofy little smile on his face.

“Um…” you shift uncomfortably as you look back at him.

“We’ve never gotten to meet anyone from Ghost’s private life before,” Soap says, saving you from having to think of what to say, “Just shocked s’all.” 

“You’re gonna start giving the poor thing the creeps with your ugly mug,” Kyle chuckles which also makes Soap laugh.

“Sorry about that,” Soap lifts his glass and cheers to you before tipping it back. 

He grimaces slightly as it goes down before slamming his glass back on the table.

“It’s alright,” you respond, “Si’s not really the open book kind. So I understand.”

“How long have the two of you known each other?” Kyle asks.

You find yourself wondering where the hell Simon even is but answer regardless, “Since we were kids. Um, we lived next door. His mom and mine were friends, I guess.”

Soap nods his head, elbows on the table as he gives you his full attention, “You guess?”

You hum, “I’m 3 years younger than Simon. The way it was told to me by my mom is that…his mom came over and,” you couldn’t fight back the smile as you recalled the story.

“Oh this has got to be good,” Soap nudged Kyle excitedly at your grin.

“Told my mom that Simon didn’t have any friends and that he was a…soft-hearted boy and she wanted him to have some friends,” you giggle, holding a hand in front of your face to hide your laughter, “So she wanted to set up playdates with me even though I was still a baby. My mom didn’t have the heart to tell her no.”

Soap tosses his head back and laughs, “No fuckin’ way.”

“I’m shocked to say it but that actually makes him sound cute,” Kyle adds, unable to hide the laughter in his voice either.

“Don’t let him hear you say that,” Price says, but there’s a smile on his face, “Simon’ll knock you out cold on this table.”

“So you and Simon have been together since?” Kyle asks, glass cupped in both hands.

You nod, “Only time we’ve been apart is when he enlisted and had to go off for a few years to train.”

Soap opens his mouth to say something but a large figure finally drops down into the seat next to you. Simon has a glass of bourbon and a glass that he slides over to Soap who catches it with ease.

“Thanks, Lt,” he nods, taking a sip before making that disgusted face again.

“What are you lot talkin’ about?” Simon asks, drumming his fingers against his glass.

“We were discussin’ all your dirty secrets,” Kyle teases with a charming grin.

“Nothin’ too damning I hope,” Simon huffs before he takes a large gulp of his drink. 

The other three men all hide their grins behind their glasses. 

The anxiety you had felt at the beginning of the night is long gone. The task force is full of jokes and laughs and even Simon seems like a different person. 

With you, he’s kind and even soft. He’s by no means gentle or patient. 

But this side of Simon is so jovial and comfortable that it warms your heart to see. He drinks a few glasses and by the end of the night, he’s got a relaxed, lidded look in his eyes that lets you know he’s got a bit of a buzz going on. 

“It was lovely to meet you,” Price says when you all walk out of the bar.

“I really enjoyed meeting all of you as well,” you smile, letting Simon tuck you into his side with an arm wrapped around your waist.

“Get him home safe,” Soap teases, your smile only widening when you hear Simon huff in annoyance. 

You bid goodbye to the three of them and make your way to the car with Simon, plucking his keys out of his hand and forcing him into the passenger seat despite his grumbled protests of how ‘he’s not that drunk’.

When the two of you finally get into your apartment, you let him lock up and turn out the lights while you go to the bedroom and get ready for bed. 

“You looked really nice tonight,” Simon mutters when he finally walks in as you crawl into bed, “I’m glad you liked them.”

“I’m glad they liked me,” you huff, leaning back into the pillows, “They were all really nice guys.”

“Yeah,” Simon hums, tugging his shirt off of his head, taking his mask with it, “They’re good people.”

You nod your head and tuck your knees to your chest while he gets undressed. He slips on a plaid pair of pajama pants and shoves the drawer closed with his hip before yanking the blanket back to make room for his large body. 

You bounce a little on the bed when he drops his weight onto it. He smacks his pillow a couple times before he lays back and sighs. It’s clear he’s still a little buzzed from the way he fights to keep his eyes open.

“Simon?” you ask, turning to face him. 

That makes his eyes open back up before he looks at you, “What?”

“Can I kiss you?” you ask. 

He snorts and it makes you smile. He reaches out and wraps his hand around the back of your head. You let him tug you down, pressing your hands against his firm chest as you kiss him. 

His hand travels down your back as he sighs into your mouth. You pull away briefly to look into his eyes before you kiss him again, this time deepening it as much as you’re able. Simon sighs contentedly, his other hand coming up to caress your arm. 

“I like kissin’ you…” you find yourself whispering against his lips.

He groans at that, the sound going straight to your core. You feel yourself clench around nothing, already starting to leak into your panties. 

“Yeah?” he coos, cupping your cheek, thumbing over your lips, “You can kiss me all you want, love.”

You whimper, surging down to kiss him again. His hands grip your waist, intermittently squeezing you, like he doesn’t know what to do with his hands. 

Suddenly, you feel the warm, slick slide of his tongue against your lips. You whimper and pull back, brows furrowed.

“Shh, love,” he coos, pulling you close again, “Jus’ relax and let me…”

You huff, struggling to catch your breath as he urges you to meet his lips again. You feel his tongue again and eagerly open your mouth, letting him taste the inside of your mouth. You shyly meet his tongue with yours and feel his grip on your waist tighten as he groans in his throat. 

You’re sure you’ve soaked well through your panties by now. There’s an ache in your clit that you long to reach down and relieve – or better yet, have Simon relieve. 

You bet his fingers would feel so damn good against you. You find yourself whimpering into the kiss at the thought alone. Simon lets out a husky laugh into your mouth before pulling away. 

A string of spit connects your lips before it breaks and vanishes. 

With a surge of confidence, you toss your leg over his waist. He grunts when your weight settles on his hips, on his cock. It’s chubbed up against his thigh from kissing you and he knows you can feel it. 

“What’re you doin’, baby?” he huffs, unable to stop his hands from traveling up the front of your body. 

You grab his wrist and boldly slide it under the hem of your shirt. He bites his lip to keep from moaning when he feels your bare breast fill his palm. You see the way his eyes start to roll back before he looks at you again. It makes you throb in your panties and you can’t resist grinding against him a little before he grabs your waist and stops you.

“Si…” you whimper, pressing your hands against his chest, “‘S wrong?”

“Can’t,” he clears his throat and sinks into the bed, “Can’t do this, love.”

“Why not?” you ask, feeling a pit of disappointment in your gut, “You don’t want to? I just thought…”

You feel your face burn with humiliation as you slide off of his lap. Simon lets you, simply laying there on his back, eyes closed and a knit between his brows, as he evens his breathing out. You fight back tears as you sit there, biting the inside of your lip anxiously. 

“Not…not tonight, sweetheart,” he finally says, reaching over to pet your hair, “Been drinkin’ ‘nd I want to be sober for it, yeah?”

It would have been a solid excuse if it didn’t sound so flimsy coming from his lips. Like he doesn’t even believe it himself. 

“Yeah…” you offer, giving him a wobbly smile before turning out the light. 

You’re too embarrassed to cuddle into him that night. 

“Can I ask you something?” you find yourself muttering as you relax on the couch with him, watching some old movie he picked out, “As long as you promise not to get mad.”

He snorts, taking a sip of his tea, “Won’t get mad.”

“I just want to know…” you clear your throat and sit up straight a little more, going over the question in your head, “Why did you leave that night…leave like that, just to have sex?”

He tenses up immediately, you can feel it. He shifts where he sits, spreading his legs just a little wider so he can sink deeper into the couch, “We already talked about this.”

You wince at his clipped tone, knowing you’re stepping into dangerous territory, “I know but…I want to know the real reason.”

He catches his bottom lip between his teeth and sighs, keeping his eyes trained on the TV, “You think I was lyin’ to you?”

Now he sounds mad. You quickly shake your head, “No, Si. I-I’m not trying to start a fight, I swear. I don’t think you were lying. I just think you…weren’t telling me everything.”

He sighs. You can see the way his jaw ticks when he clenches it, “Is that right?”

“Yeah,” you breathe, scooting a little closer to him, placing your hands on his chest, smoothing his shirt down a bit, “It was just…out of character for you, Si. I was really upset and you knew that. It wasn’t like you to just…leave. Just to get laid.”

He finally looks at you, just out of the corner of his eye. You meet the look, offering him an encouraging smile to show that you’re not upset or anything. 

“All night,” he finally mutters, “You’d been kickin’ in your sleep. Kept wakin’ me up.”

You nodded, a look of confusion on your face. You had no idea where this was going.

“You started sayin’ my name,'' he continued, “Moanin’ my name. Fuck, it was drivin’ me crazy.”

Your face flushes hot when you hear that. It all suddenly comes rushing back to you – what you’d been dreaming about. 

“You threw your leg over mine and I could–” he cuts himself off, his throat moving with how hard he swallows.

“Could what?” your voice comes out shockingly breathy. 

He catches it, looking at you. You can see the way his pupils widen immediately when he meets your gaze. It’s like he can see right through you, see the fact you’re dripping into your panties again. Just from this conversation alone. 

“I could feel how fuckin’ wet you were,” he brings a shaky hand up and runs it through his hair before he leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees, “Couldn’t fuckin’ deal with it. I had to…let it out somehow.”

“So you knew that I wanted you…like that?” you find yourself asking.

He scoffs and shakes his head, “Didn’t think about it like that. Figured it was just a dream and that’s all it was.”

“Wasn’t just a dream,” you assure, scooting closer to him.

Simon’s breath catches in his throat when you lean over him, resting your hand on the arm rest on his other side, letting it support your weight. You stand on your knees, making you just a little taller than him before you lean down and kiss him. 

He remains completely still, like he’s processing. His hands flounder in the air for a second before he’s carefully pushing you to sit back down. You slump against your heels and look at him, perturbed.

“Why..?”

“I need to make dinner,” he says lamely. 

“Simon…” you admonish, knowing he’s lying. 

He gets up, knees cracking as he does. He winces a little bit before he bends down to pick up the blanket that fell to the floor when he stood. You kept your eyes on him, worrying your bottom lip between your teeth. You almost let him go but before you can stop him, you grab his arm. 

“I don’t know what I’m doing, Simon,” you mutter, “I keep trying to make things go further with you but I just keep making a fool of myself and I–”

“‘S not you,” he assures softly, taking your hand in his, “‘S all me, baby.”

“So why…” you frown, “I want you.”

He shakes his head, “Night you told me how you felt. You sounded scared.” 

You remember, the way his touch had made anxiety fill you. You had wanted him, of course, but for some reason it had just been so damn awful at the same time. You hadn’t really dwelled on why that was. 

“It wasn’t ‘cause of you, Si,” you assured, shifting so your feet were on the floor rather than under you, “I promise. I-I was just nervous, I think. That’s all.”

“I don’t want…” he licks his lips, seemingly thinking over his next words carefully before he says them slowly, “I don’t to hear you sound like that with me again. ‘S why I’ve been avoidin’ it. ‘Cause I don’t want you to get scared again.”

You shake your head, rising to your feet, stepping in front of him. You take his hands in yours and squeeze them, “I don’t want to make a fool of myself with you, Simon.”

He frowns, “You know I would never think poorly of you.”

You smile and shrug, “I know that. I think…that time was just…too soon. After that night at the bar and everything that happened. And then the fact I’m so inexperienced that it’s laughable. I think…I just wasn’t ready for it. I needed to go at my own pace and I have been.”

“I don’t want you to push yourself,” he hums, “I know that night at the bar was terrifying,” he brings a hand up to brush over your cheek, “I understand if you’re not goin’ to be ready for a long time. It’s normal to not be ready after what happened to you.”

You huff, “I’ve been trying to show you that I’ve been ready for a while now, Si. I was anxious at first, yes. But now it’s…like a good kind of nervous.”

“A good kind of nervous?” he mutters, hands moving to your hips to pull you closer. Your breath hitches in your throat and you nod dumbly, “Tell me all about it.”

“L-Like my heart races,” you breathe, “And I feel scared that I’m gonna do something silly and embarrassing but like I want to learn and…and I want to do good for you.”

“Fuck,” Simon groans, dropping his head to rest on your shoulder, “Can’t say shit like that to a man like me, love.”

“Why not?” you whimper, feeling your knees tremble in excitement when you feel his hands start to wander.

“‘Cause…” he whispers, running his hands up your sides, “Makes me think some nasty shit, sweetheart.”

You swallow thickly at the promise in his voice, “Simon…” 

You sound so wrecked already and it makes him moan softly in your ear, “Tell me about it, baby.”

Just like that, you’re spilling your guts to him, “Get so wet for you, Si, all the time. I want you so bad that it hurts.”

“Yeah?�� he breathes, finally pulling his head from where he was hiding in your shoulder, tilting your chin up, “Where’s it hurt, baby? Hm? Right in that needy little cunt?”

You whimper immediately, looking up at him with wide, hazy eyes and nod, “T-Tried to touch myself. Thinkin’ about you made it hurt so I couldn’t help myself. Thought about you when I did.”

He hums as you babble to him but his mind latches onto one particular word, “Tried, baby? What do you mean "tried?”

Your cheeks burn hot at the slip up. Would he think you were silly for it?

“C-Can’t do it right,” you confess softly, hoping he doesn’t see how embarrassed you are, “Try so hard but n-nothin’ ever happens.”

Simon moans at that. Loud and unbridled, “What’re you sayin’, baby? That you can’t make yourself cum, s’that it?” You shake your head bashfully, “Fuckin’ hell. That’s adorable.”

“D-Don’t tease me, Si,” you whimper but the seat of your panties is so fucking wet that it’s sticking to you. 

He hums, a predatory smile spreads across his face, “Am I bein’ mean, love?” You nod your head, tearfully staring up at him. It only makes his smile widen, canines popping out, “‘M sorry. Can’t help myself when you tell me ‘bout how you touch your pretty little pussy and just can’t make yourself cum like you need. Think I can do it for you, hm? Want me to try and make you cum?”

You vigorously nod your head, uncaring how fucking needy you look to him. He’s offering to give you what you’ve wanted for years – to give you a real, honest to God orgasm. And you weren’t going to let this chance slip away. 

“Want you on the bed,” he suddenly whispers, “On your back, lose the pants but keep everything else on.”

With a jerk of his head in the direction of the bedroom, you take off. You hear him chuckle behind you at your excitement. He makes sure the door is locked before he heads back to the bedroom. 

You’re there just like he asked, pants pooled on the floor, leaving you in nothing but an old t-shirt of his and a pair of the cutest little lilac colored panties he’s seen. You’ve got your knees pinned together, clenching your thighs but laying perfectly still in waiting for him. 

“So fuckin’ good for me,” he praises, grinning when you whimper and tremble at his words, “Oh, sweet thing likes to be praised, huh?”

You nod your head, “Wanna be good for you, Si.”

“That’s sweet, baby,” he coos, reaching to the back of his collar so he can tug his shirt off of his head. 

Your heart hammers away in your chest when he crawls onto the bed, hands on either side of your head. He looks so big like this, on top of you, completely blocking any view you had of your ceiling and instead filling your viewline with just him. He leans down and kisses you, humming contentedly when you eagerly kiss back. Your hands find purchase on his shoulders as he uses one hand to tug your legs open so he can slot himself between them. 

You cry out when he presses himself against your core. He’s wearing nothing but his jeans but you can feel the heat radiating through the thick material. 

“Shit, look at that,” he whispers, leaning back on his heels to admire the nice little wet patch that has stained your panties, “You already this wet, baby?”

“Kissin’ you always makes me this wet, Si,” you sweetly confess and oh, you are just so precious. 

His hands slide up your stomach, moving your t-shirt up and up until it sits crumpled under your chin. Your tits are bare and move with every gasping breath that you take. 

Simon’s hands are just as rough and warm as you’d expect them to be. His thumbs come up and glide over your nipples until they harden into stiff little peaks for him. 

Then his mouth is wrapping around one, swirling his tongue around it before pulling off with a lewd pop. His hand pinches the other nipple, rolling it between his fingers as he listens to you whimper and sigh. 

“Please, Si,” you whine, “I-It hurts, please.”

“It hurts?” he hums, leaving a fleeting kiss against the nipple his tongue was torturing just a moment ago, “Where? Hm?”

His hand travels down your body, cupping your cunt through your panties. You gasp, arching your hips just a bit to grind against his palm. He lets you, before he meanly pins your hips down with his other hand. 

“Where, love?” he smooths the pad of his thumb over the seam of your cunt through your panties. The fabric is saturated with your slick, letting him see every part of you through shape alone. His thumb finds your clit, the little bud poking out through the fabric from how hard and swollen it's become, “Here? ‘S it your pretty clit that hurts, love?”

You nod, eyes rolling back in your head when he presses his thumb against the bud, trapping it under his finger so he can roll mean little circles over it. You’d be mindlessly rutting your hips by now if he didn’t have his other arm slung over your hips to keep you pinned nice and still like he wants. 

It already feels so different than when you touched yourself. Maybe because it’s him or maybe because he’s so experienced. 

That thought makes you equal parts jealous and equal parts turned on. He’d slept with plenty of people but now he was using that expertise to make you feel good. 

“Can you take them off, please?” you whine, pitchy and sweet from arousal. 

“Asked so sweetly for me,” he coos, hitching his thumbs into the band of your panties before giving them a firm tug. 

You quickly lift your hips, letting him tug them down and off of your feet. You expect him to toss them away but instead he holds them up, thumbing over the slickness in the crotch. You watch him with wide eyes as he analyzes it. Your  breath hitches when he suddenly brings them towards his face and licks a wide stripe of the fabric, moaning when he gets a good laste of your syrupy sweet slick.

“Simon!” you gasp – admonish, leaning up to snatch them out of his grasp. 

His eyes open, he hadn’t even realized he’d closed them, to look at you. He licks his lips like a dog licking its chops when it tastes something real delicious. 

He doesn’t even comment on what he just did or the pure embarrassment that is written all over your face. Instead, he grips underneath your knees and yanks you down the bed towards him so your hips are situated in his lap. 

“Jus’ let me touch you, love,” he whispers, “I’ll work a nice little orgasm out of you in no time, yeah?”

You nod your head because you trust him. You know he’s going to be able to give you what you need so badly. You don’t even question it – especially when you feel how good it feels when he uses his thumbs to spread your folds open for him. He groans when he sees the sticky strings of slick that display just how turned on you are. 

Pretty little hole clenching sporadically around nothing, dribbling more creamy arousal that makes his tongue feel like lead in his mouth. A pretty clit that twitches and throbs under his scrutinizing gaze. But you make no move to cover yourself and hide from his gaze. 

He finally touches the bud directly and it’s like electricity strikes through you. You lose control of your body as your back arches and your thighs violently twitch. Your cheeks burn when you hear him chuckle softly at your reaction.

“Sensitive,” he huffs, a crooked little grin on his face as he brushes his thumb over your clit again, garnering the same reaction as before from you, “Fuck, can’t believe you’re this sensitive and can’t make yourself cum.”

“‘S cause it’s you, Si,” you sweetly confess.

And it’s true. Having him touch you like this directly – feeling his callused skin over the most sensitive little part of you is euphoric. It doesn’t feel anything like when you touch yourself at all. It feels magnified, you feel like a live wire and everything feels like too much. But you don’t do anything to impede him because you trust him more than anything – especially like this, with your body. 

He replaced his thumb with his middle finger, prodding at your entrance. You almost think he’s going to press inside you but he doesn’t – instead, he gathers your slick up on his finger and drags it up to your clit. He softly circles the bud, cock kicking against his thigh when you sigh and croon so sweetly for him. 

Your cunt makes sticky noises as he continues doing this, gathering your arousal and lathering your precious bud up with it so he can so softly play with it. His touches aren’t enough to actually work you to the edge, it’s much too slow and soft but it feels good. He waits for you to relax against the bed, lashes fluttering as you whimper and twitch on the bed for him.

“There you go, sweetheart,” he whispers, leaning forward to press a kiss against your trembling thigh, “Relax f’me. Want you nice and soft for me so I can get my fingers in this tight little cunt.”

You gasp at that, partly in excitement and also in apprehension. You’ve never actually put anything inside yourself before – except once, you put your finger in and it burned so you never tried it again. 

“D-Dont…” you find yourself muttering, making him freeze. He thinks you’ve changed your mind, anxiety getting the better of you and he’s fully prepared to propel himself away from you at a moment's notice, “Be gentle, okay?”

His gaze softens when he looks at you, “Won’t hurt you, love. I promise.”

You remain relaxed for him when he carefully prods you with his middle finger. He keeps his thumb pressed against your clit, not rubbing it or anything, just keeping a nice pressure that keeps you sagged against the pillows. 

It doesn’t feel anything like when you tried that one time with yourself. Everything is so much wetter and more pliant. It’s like your walls just suck the digit in, even though it’s so much bigger than your own finger. 

You sigh softly when you finally have something to clench around. Simon gives you a sweet kiss to the spot right underneath your belly button in silent praise. He keeps his lidded, brown eyes on your face, watching every little expression you make with rapt attention. 

He slowly and carefully fucks his middle finger into you, feeling the way you slowly relax around him, soaking his skin with your arousal. He smooths his free hand up the length of your body, abandoning your clit to wrap his palm around your breast. You place your own hand over his, encouraging him to squeeze harder. 

“How’s that feel, love?” he asks, still sliding his finger in and out of you.

“Okay…” you reply, keeping your hand over his on your chest, “But it…um…”

“What?” he urges, “Tell me what you feel.”

“I-It feels nice but…” you trail off and he hums, nodding his head.

“Doesn’t feel good?” he finishes for you. You nod your head and he laughs softly, “I know, baby. Jus’ tryin’ to get you used to the feeling and then I’ll make it feel real good, alright?”

“Okay,” you whisper but he can tell you’re not too convinced that it’s going to feel much better.

You’re worried that the same thing is going to happen – it’ll feel really good and then you’re never going to be able to climb over that wall. You hate to imagine disappointing him, failing to get off. You’d hate for him to put all this work in and you just can’t cum in the end. 

“Hey,” he coos, “Get out of your head, pretty. Don’t worry about a thing, alright?”

You take a deep breath and slowly let it out, allowing yourself to relax against the bed again. Simon waits for you to be nice and pliant around his finger before he starts to fit his ring finger alongside it. He catches sight of the furrow in your brow when he stretches you around two of his fingers. It burns but when Simon brings his thumb back to your clit, tapping against the bud, it vanishes. Your thighs twitch and you whimper, walls clenching in time with the little taps until the burning vanishes completely.

“There we are,” he praises, “Knew you could do it, sweetheart.”

“A-Are you gonna add another?” you find yourself asking.

“Later,” he responds, scissoring the two fingers he has snug inside your cunt, “‘M a big man, love. Gonna need you nice and stretched for me.”

You whimper at that, walls clenching around his fingers as he slowly begins to fuck them in and out of you. Your cheeks burn when you hear the loud, squishing noises your hole makes every time he stuffs them back inside. 

After a moment of just getting you used to being stretched on two of his thick digits, he suddenly crooks them up and hits something inside you that makes your back arch. It causes a tingling feeling that you’ve never experienced to heat your tummy every time he touches it.

“Simon!” you squeal, trying to clench your thighs closed but his broad shoulders keep them open, “Th-That feels-!”

“I know, baby,” he coos cockily, grinding his fingertips against that little spot that makes you so gooey and creamy around his fingers, “Feels real good right there, I know.”

Your back arches and your jaw drops. You can’t do anything but moan and cry out as he fucks against that spot. He’s urged on by your sounds of pure pleasure, eyes flicking between where he’s got your pretty cunt spread open and the euphoric expressions you can’t do anything to hide.

It’s so precious, seeing you so open and loud for him. You don’t do anything to hide your sounds of pleasure nor do you even think of faking any of them for his sake. Every little thing you’re feeling, you express, and you can’t help yourself because it’s all so new and so much.

That hot, tingling feeling in your core only intensifies with every experienced stroke of his fingers. Your eyes are rolling back every time he touches that magnificent spot inside you, abusing it with his fingers until your walls are soft and malleable for him again.

And then he brings his index finger into it. He’s even more slow and careful as he fits it in beside the other two fingers. It doesn’t burn like when he had given you his second finger but it’s a certain stretch that simply feels strange. 

He gets you stuffed open on his three fingers, up to the third knuckle. You’re spread so wide and squeeze his fingers so tight that it makes him moan when he thinks about what it will feel like around his cock. 

If you’re this tight around just his fingers then you’re going to feel positively euphoric around him. 

“Simon…” you coo, reaching down to card your fingers through his hair. 

He grunts in acknowledgement, but is unwilling to part his gaze from the sight of the creamy mess you’ve begun to leave on his fingers. Your pretty clit is twitching and so swollen, glistening from your juices and he suddenly has the inescapable desire to wrap his mouth around it. 

You’re not even looking when he decides to do it. It’s like he can’t stop himself. 

All you feel is something wet and hot wrap around the little bud. You practically wail at the feeling of his tongue sliding against it. Your feet kick aimlessly, hitting his back and shoulders as you flail beneath his body. 

You sob his name, yanking harshly on his hair in a way that hurts but he’s not going to stop you. He knows it’s mean to do this, not even warning you or easing you into the feeling before he’s suckling your clit. His tongue slips in circles around it, flicking it with the tip of his tongue. His ears practically ring from how loud you’re crying out for him. 

His three fingers remain buried inside you but he’s hardly able to move them from how tight you’re squeezing them. All he can do is grind his fingers against your g-spot but it only makes your pretty body more twitchy and makes you squirm even more beneath him. He has to hold you down so you can’t get away. 

He doesn’t want your precious pussy to be ripped away from him, your juices are making his taste buds tingle – you taste so damn good. 

That familiar heat begins to grow in your core – one you’ve experienced many times before by yourself. You cry and wail for him, sobbing his name and gripping his hair. 

“S-Si, don’t stop, please, please, please–” you choke on your own cries, slamming your head into the pillows as your back arches painfully hard. 

He grunts lowly, blonde lashes fluttering as he watches your body’s pure, unfiltered reactions to this pleasure. He knows you’re getting close, can feel you clenching around him and your clit pulsing on his tongue in time with your heartbeat. 

You feel yourself reaching that wall, the one you can never overcome. But it feels different this time, the pleasure isn’t slowing. It’s not fading like it always does when you’ve got your own fingers on your bud. 

It always seems to slip out of your grasp by this point.

This is it, you think. You’re going to cum. You’re finally going to fucking cum. 

Then everything stops.

His tongue is gone from your clit and his fingers are nowhere to be found. Simon’s shoulders rise and fall as he watches your face flicker through a range of emotions before your eyes fill with tears and you look at him – utterly pitiful and hopeless.

“Wh-Why…” you finally whisper, tongue feeling heavy in your mouth. 

Your cunt pulses and throbs around nothing, the heat of your orgasm quickly dissipating, leaving that horribly empty and unsatisfying feeling in its wake. 

“Sorry, baby,” he coos, genuine and soft as he leans up to kiss your face, “That was mean, huh? ‘M sorry. Jus’ want you to have your first orgasm on a cock, love.”

That doesn’t do anything to quell your disappointment but you nod anyway, wiping away some stray tears that trickle from your eyes. 

“Please,” you breathlessly whisper, “Please, Simon. Want your cock, please. I-I was so close. It felt so good,” you start babbling, eyes falling to the hard outline of his cock in his jeans, “I wanna cum so bad, Si. Y-You promised. Please, just give me your cock. Please? Please? Simon!”

Simon’s mouth goes dry as he hears your babbled begging. Fuck, you’re absolutely aching for it. All you can think about is cumming. He never thought he’d get to hear you beg for him like this, so pathetically. You should be embarrassed, begging for cock like this when you’ve only just now gotten your first taste of being stretched open. Yet here you are fuckin’ crying for it.

His cock drools pre down his thigh, he can feel how wet his boxers have become from how much he’s leaking it. He’s aching in his jeans – he can’t pretend he doesn’t want it just as badly as you do.

“Shit, alright!” he snarls, wrapping a hand around your throat to force you to look at him. You gasp at the rough treatment, “Jus’ shut up and I’ll give it to you, yeah?”

You obediently nod your head, still staring up at him with those wide, teary eyes. He tries to act like his hands aren’t fucking trembling when he yanks his belt off. He doesn’t think he’s ever felt this needy – this excited to get his cock inside a pussy. 

But it’s you. You’re special. 

He loves you. This isn’t like the one night stands and hookups he’s had in the past. This is different. 

He feels like a fumbling teenager the way he clumsily yanks his belt out of the loops and shoves his jeans down his thighs along with his underwear. His cock, big and heavy, hangs under its own weight – it never slaps up against his stomach. He wasn’t just chatting shit when he said he was a big guy. 

He wrapped his hand around himself, giving it a few, firm tugs. He feels your eyes on him, watching the way he touches himself and it sends heat through him. He scoots closer to you again, pulling back his foreskin to show the fat, leaky head that he meanly taps against your clit. 

You gasp a cute little ‘ah!’ when he does that brings a smile to his face. He can’t say he’s the best lay for a virgin because he’s so big and he’s a brute – it’s in his nature. But he’s trying his best for you. 

“Alright, baby,” he coos, leaning on one forearm above your head, draping his big body over yours. He easily manhandles you into position, caging your knees against your chest and wrapping himself around you, “Just relax for me, hm? Can you do that f’me?”

You nod your head and shakily put your hands on his shoulders, cupping his jaw to bring him down to kiss you. He sighs into your lips, using his free hang to grip the base of his cock, prodding against your hole. You’re so slippery that it slides out of you and slips up your clit. You whimper at the feeling, thighs twitching at the stimulation. 

When he finally starts to press inside, your nails bite into his shoulders. It stings – it hurts. He’s so big, making your poor little cunt burn the deeper he presses himself. The head pops in and your hips jump at the feeling, his cock slipping back out. 

He huffs, dropping his forehead against your shoulder, “Fuck, sit still.”

“S-Sorry!” you whimper, “I’m sorry!”

“Shh,” he sighs, kissing your cheek, “‘S okay, baby. Hurts, huh?”

“A little,” you whimper, trying to downplay it so he won’t stop.

He hums and presses a kiss against the corner of your mouth. He knows that working an orgasm out of you before making you take his cock would be the nice thing to do but he’s selfish. He wants to feel your orgasm around his cock – where you deserve to have it. 

It’s your very first orgasm after all. It needs to be good and he knows he can make it real good once he can get you speared on his cock. 

So he grips himself again, sitting up for just a moment to lewdly spit on your pussy. It hits your clit and trickles down where he catches it with the head of his cock. He leans over your body and starts to push in again. This time he tucks his arms under your shoulders and pins you impossibly against him, leaving you with nowhere to run when he starts to press into you. 

You whimper, feet kicking against his back when he pushes deeper than before – past the head. He knows it hurts, you’re stretched beyond your limit and he waits with bated breath for you to say the word and tell him to stop. 

But you don’t. 

You just grapple your arms around his waist and dig your nails in. His skin is sweaty by now and it makes getting any purchase on him difficult. You let out a watery little whimper that has him freezing. You’re speared on half his cock when he finally looks at you. 

Your eyes are teary and they slowly drip down your cheeks.

“Do you want to stop?” he asks, brushing some away with his thumb.

You immediately shake your head, no hesitation, “No! K-Keep goin’, Si.”

“Don’t cry, pretty,” he shushes, keeping his grip under your shoulders and his hips pinned firmly against yours so you can’t squirm when he starts pressing in again. Your mouth opens in a silent gasp, eyes fluttering from the ache that settles where he’s stretching you wide, “‘S okay, just take a deep breath. ‘M almost in, love, you’re doin’ so fuckin’ good for me. Takin’ all of my cock so deep, just like you deserve. Hear me? This cock s’all yours now, yeah? Can have it whenever you need it.”

Your walls spasm around his cock as he talks, making him groan low in his chest. He’s almost there, can feel his balls starting to tap against you the deeper he gets until finally, his hips meet yours and you wail. 

He prods painfully against your cervix and he knows that it’s uncomfortable but he’s not willing to pull back just yet. He needs you to get used to being stretched and stuffed full of every inch of him. He takes care to do slow, gentle grinds, his pelvis catching your clit that eventually makes you relax. 

“That’s it,” he praises, “Just relax and let me make you feel good.”

He finally eases off of you, balancing his weight on his forearms on either side of your head, hovering over you. He slowly pulls his hips back, watching you slump against the bed when he finally stops pressing on your cervix. 

He finally starts fucking you, sliding his cock out just a bit before rolling his hips forward again. It's slow and soft, just testing the waters and getting you used to this new stimulation. 

It feels entirely different from his fingers. His cock is bigger, fills you so much more, touches deeper. 

His cock reaches spots deep inside you that his fingers didn’t even reach. But he’s permanently pressing against that spot his fingers were torturing. It feels so fucking good. 

Simon can see the way your eyes roll back as he carefully fucks you. Your first cock and you’re taking it so damn well. It makes him want to see how much more you can take but he knows he needs to ease you into it, he doesn't want to overwhelm you.

“Si…” you sigh softly, blinking as you struggle not to float off and become drunk with pleasure. 

“I know, pretty,” he coos, kissing your cheek before leaning back on his heels, fastening the thrusts of his hips. 

You can’t keep quiet now, mouth falling open to let out the most precious sounds of pure pleasure. You’re staring at him with wide eyes, like he’s hung the moon and stars in the sky just for you. His cock fucking throbs at the look of wonder that crosses your face. He knows you’re getting close, can feel how tight you’re clamping around him and he can see how much you’re creaming around him – making a mess at the base of his cock and in the thatch of curls there. 

“You gonna cum?” he coos, grinning when you shake your head, “Of course you are. I can fuckin’ feel it, baby. Know you got one for me, go ahead. Cum on my cock real nice, c’mon.”

“C-Can’t,” you whimper. It’s too much. You’re so wet. It’s fucking messy but you feel yourself at that damn wall, hanging on a thread and waiting for euphoria to come but it doesn’t, “Please! Simon! Please, I-I can’t! Please, please, please…”

“Fuck,” his hisses when he hears you begging to cum on his cock, “Come on then, baby. You can do it. Just let it go, let me fuck it outta you.”

You toss your head back into the pillows as a sob is ripped from your chest. As if he can sense how much you’re struggling, he brings his thumb down to press against your clit. Your eyes fucking roll, only the whites of them visible. You clench down around him like a vice and it only takes a couple little swipes of his thumb for you to tumble over the edge. 

It feels unlike anything you could have ever imagined. Pleasure soars through you and your hearing cuts out. It feels like you lose control of your body, unable to do anything but thrash and twitch as he fucks you through it. You’re not sure if you would prefer him to stop or keep going because it’s all so fucking much that it hurts. 

You’re gushing around him, drenching his cock in sticky, creamy cum that drips in thick strings down his balls. Holy fuck.

It feels like hours that you’re speared on his cock, cumming and cumming before it finally leaves you and you collapse against the bed. You’re still twitching, entire body shivering until he finally slows his thrusts to soft little rolls of his hips. He takes his thumb off of your clit and you’re thankful because it was starting to become unpleasant. 

You swallow despite how dry your mouth is, eyes finally focusing on him. His brows are furrowed and his bottom lip is tucked into his mouth. Pretty, brown eyes are locked on you and you suddenly feel shy. 

Had he been watching you the whole time? You hoped you didn’t make any ugly faces or embarrassing noises. 

“Fuck,” he coos, seemingly sensing your shame, “That was a fuckin’ orgasm, love.”

You’re panting, you realize. And you’re tired. You’ve never felt more relaxed in your life. 

All you can think is that you’ve been missing out on that your whole life? Now you’re not sure you’ll be able to even live without it ever again. 

Simon’s hands cup under your knees and pin them to your chest. You gasp as he bends you as he sees fit. You’re limp, so completely drunk on the pleasure you just experienced that you simply let him. 

But you realize he’s even deeper like this – and it doesn’t hurt like it did before. He’s pressing against your back wall and it actually feels good. You feel so sensitive inside, like you can feel every twitch of his cock. 

He’s still languidly dragging his cock in and out of you. It’s a fucking mess between your legs, you’ve cum so fucking much that it’s everywhere. He’s never been covered like this before and it’s fucking hot. 

Your cum sticks between the two of you in little strings that break and reform every time his hips meet and leave yours. Your little clit is puffy and swollen from your orgasm and he wants to press his thumb against it again but he knows the poor little thing is much too sensitive still. 

Your legs flop uselessly as he fucks you, eases you past overstimulation until you’re sweetly cooing for him again. He takes that chance to fuck you properly again, intent on finding his own orgasm deep in your cunt. 

His heavy balls slap against your ass. He wants to cum. He plans to make himself cum like this, just using your pretty pussy. But then he sees your eyes widen again and your lips part almost curiously and his eyes narrow.

“You feel it again, huh, sweetheart?” he goads, shifting his weight on his knees so his hips are pressed even closer to yours. 

“C-Can’t,” you whisper, the same thing you had before. But it’s different now, “W-Won’t be able to, Si.”

“S that a challenge, love?” he teases, a crooked little smile on his face. You sleepily shake your head, “Hmm, I think I can fuck another one out of you. One orgasm won’t be enough, two is a good number for now. Until I train this little cunt to cum for me all night long.”

You whimper, reaching out the claw at his forearms where he pins your knees to your chest. You’re held so uselessly open, cunt completely vulnerable to his fat cock stuffing you full. His pelvis hits your clit in a way that makes the little bud tingle and your cunt clenches pathetically around him with every thrust he gives you. 

Sweet little ‘ah, ah, ah’s’ are punched from your lungs every time he sinks completely inside. He’s gripping your knees harshly, squeezing where he has a grip as his own orgasm starts to creep up on him but he’s going to give you another orgasm. He has to make you cum again, to see you lost in pleasure like that once more. He knows that will push him over the edge, give him what he needs. He wants to cum with you, fill you up while you’re in the throes of pure pleasure that only he has ever given you. 

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” he gasps, fighting the feeling of his own eyes rolling back in favor of watching you. 

He loves the way you wear everything you feel on your face. From the looks of wonder when it feels really good to the little rolls of your eyes when he makes it hurt just a bit. It’s so cute. 

Makes him want to play around with that little part of you – be a little mean to you. 

“Cum,” he growls, fighting his own orgasm down, “Fuckin’ cum right now.”

“I can’t!” you wail, kicking against his hold on your knees, pressing down to spread you open even further. 

His hips slam against yours, loud slaps and slick noises of your gooey cunt filling his ears, “You can. You will. Cum, sweetheart. You better fuckin’ cum.”

But you shake your head. It’s so close, you can feel it. It’s creeping up on you and you want it so bad. You want to feel that pleasure again. But you’re not even sure you’re going to be able to cum again, it feels so much more sensitive than before. It’s too much. 

Simon bares his teeth, letting go of one of your legs to drift between your thighs. Your eyes widen, you think he’s going to rub it again – it’s so sensitive that you’re not sure you’ll be able to take it. 

But instead, he does something else.

You hear it before you feel it, a soft little slap followed by the feeling of being electrocuted. Simon watches you with lidded eyes to see how you react. Just like he expected, you wail and your body gives a mean twitch at the impact. 

So he does it again. 

And again. 

And again.

Not too hard, just enough for it to hurt a little bit. A sting against a terribly sensitive little bud. It’s mean – he’s mean. But he can’t fucking help it. 

He needs you to cum for him again.

“Cum,” he snarls, giving your clit another slap.

As if on command, it sends you over the edge. Your legs kick out and he has to abandon your clit to hold you down, pinning you harshly to the bed as he uses all his weight to fuck down into your spasming little cunt. You’re cumming so hard around him that you stop breathing. He hears the hitch of breath and doesn’t hear the exhale. All you do is lay there, cry for him and cum.

He finds his end just as violently, tossing his head back to moan into the room as cum erupts from his cock. His thrusts grow sloppy as he milks the orgasm out of himself, voice breaking as he whimpers from how fucking good it feels. 

Like no orgasm he’s ever experienced. It’s like he can’t stop cumming, filling you up so much that it oozes out from around his cock. 

You’re trembling underneath him when he finally comes down, tearfully gazing up at him with your mouth agape, struggling to catch your breath.

“N-No more,” you pathetically whimper, legs twitching from the aftershocks, “C-Can’t take anymore, Si.”

“Shh,” he shushes, letting your legs go so you can relax comfortably as he pulls his cock from your pussy.

It’s twitching and clenching sporadically, still coming down from your orgasm. It makes his cum drip out of your cunt, a mess that spreads to the already messy sheets. Your cum and his mix together to make a sticky, gooey mess that makes his mouth water. He wants to eat it up, stuff his tongue into your tight little hole and swallow it all down. 

But he can’t. Maybe next time, he vows.

His cock gives a valiant kick at the thought of getting to do this again. He sits on his heels, gazing at his messy cock as if softens. He feels dazed, almost drunk. 

Then he hears the softest little sniffle from you and his eyes snap up to your face to find your crumpled expression and tears falling down your face. You cover your face with your hands and earnestly begin to cry.

“Hey, it’s alright, love,” he coos, laying beside you to tuck you into his chest.

“I-I don’t know why I’m crying,” you sob, wrapping your arms around his waist as you cry into him. 

“It happens,” he assures, “It was a lot and you’re just a little overwhelmed s’all. Just let it out, baby.”

And you do, weakly sobbing into his chest until it feels like you can’t cry anymore. He holds you through it all, rubbing your back and cooing sweet nothings in your ear until you grow silent. 

“Alright, love?” he asks.

“S-Sorry, Si,” you sniffle, finally pulling out of the spot in his arms you were hiding in, “I-I don’t want you to think I didn’t want it or that it was bad. I just…”

He gives you a soft smile, leaning forward to kiss you. It’s short and sweet, “I don’t think that. Like I said, it happens. Sometimes people just cry after sex, nothin’ to worry about.”

“Are you sure?” you sniffle, wiping your cheeks dry when the tears finally stop.

“Positive,” he sits up, “Let’s get cleaned up, alright? We need to change the damn sheets, fuckin’ hell.”

You giggle as you look down at the sheets where a very visible dark spot is sitting where you once laid. You don’t even have time to be embarrassed before he’s swooping you off of the bed and escorting you to the bathroom.

It’s too small for both of you to fit but you make it work. He wipes you down with a warm cloth before hopping into the shower to rinse and clean himself before he gets out and lets you do the same. While you do that, he changes the bedding completely and replaces it with new sheets and blankets for the two of you to sleep in together. 

When you finally stumble into the bedroom, he wraps his arms around you and urges you onto the bed. You giggle as you flop onto the bed before he crawls in after you and covers the both of you up, wrapping himself around you until you’re tucked securely against him. 

“I take it you liked it?” he finally whispers.

You shyly nod, “I-It was um…fun.”

“Felt real good, huh?” he teases, grinning wolfishly when you whimper.

“Y-Yeah,” you whisper, “It felt really good. I already want to do it again.”

Simon groans, hugging you tightly before shaking his head, “You’re gonna be insatiable. Gonna give my cock a run for its money.”

You giggle, affectionately petting his hair before he looks at you with the softest expression you’ve ever seen. It’s like his eyes are sparkling in the low light of the bedroom. He leans forward and ever so softly kisses your forehead, then your nose, before he reaches your lips. He pecks them softly, pulling back for just a second before he kisses you again. 

“I love you,” he whispers, so soft that you almost miss it. 

And your heart begins to race. You almost struggle to find the words to reciprocate. But when you do, he smiles and tucks you against him again, big arms wrapped around you like a bear hug.

It’s almost surreal. You can’t believe you’re here after everything – with him. 

Like you’ve dreamed your whole life, he loves you just like you love him. 

PART ONE.

do not modify, translate, or repost

[fushitoru]

rainy days and brownies

pairing ⸺ college/modern!au: bf!gojo x reader

summary ⸺ you wake up for some soft moments with your boyfriend that involves brownies (turned freaky)

warnings ⸺ smut, tooth rotting fluff, some mild angst?, gojo unfortunately mentions skibidi toilet, I think I made gojo gen z here, boob worship, brownies and baking, established relationship, oral (f!receiving), gojo eats pussy like a champ, NOT EDITED, might be incoherent to everyone except me, product of a forceful effort to escape writer’s block, rainy mornings <3, both of you are in college living in an apartment together, lots of intimacy, art by 3-aem, probably in the same universe as this

general masterlist

Rainy nights with Satoru means baking.

It’s a ritual the both of you have fallen into. On a day like this, where the air smells like rain, you blearily wake up from your nap to smell the warm distinct aroma of overly sweet brownies.

The slutty brownies were Satoru’s masterpiece. Even if he did overdo the sugar, you can’t admit that your stomach was growling as you rubbed your bleary eyes and frowned while raking a hand through your head. This bed head was going to be a bitch to untangle with the hairbrush.

“AND IIIIIIIIIIIII, WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOUUU—“

You jumped, caught off guard by Satoru randomly deciding to pay homage to Whitney Houston. Standing up, you headed towards the living room of you and Satoru’s apartment—-not before you adjusted your tank top so your tits weren’t out and the boy shorts you chose to sleep in properly covered your ass.

“WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOUUUUU—-“ You cringed at Satoru’s attempt of a high note, grumpily looking at him use his chocolate covered spatula as a makeshift mic. He was in the kitchen—-shirtless, of course—-now bending over to peek at the state of his brownies in the oven. Deciding the brownies weren’t done yet, he closed the oven door and stood up once more, reaching for his phone to undoubtedly scroll through TikTok. Continuing to hum different variations of the chorus, he swiped at his phone, ignorant to your presence behind him.

You think he’s kind of sweet like this. If it weren’t for him, the both of you would never be in this position. You would always be the cold frigid bitch he saw in freshman orientation and occasionally at parties across campus, and he would be the sweet, friendly guy that all the girls would continue to fall head over heels for.

To be honest, you don’t really see what he sees in you. You’re like a Disney villain, the witch that entraps him in her webs of insecurity and jealousy, but he remains the valiant prince, fighting to get to you. When he finally has you in his arms, he kisses you into believing that you are his princess instead.

It’s obvious in the way he fought for you—memorizing your schedule, rushing across campus just to walk you to class, pleading with you to grab dinner. And each time, you’d brush him off with sharp rejections, finding excuses to keep him at arm’s length.

But when he finally had you, finally cracked all your defenses—he was never going to let you go. You could see as much; the way he proudly walked on campus with you at his side, across the main quad so he could boast that he got you. You were his, and he was fully, undoubtedly yours. At parties, his eyes would always be on you, raking his eyes up and down your figure in your nurse outfit, conjuring up the hundred and thirty four positions he would fuck you so good in, even if there were prettier girls clinging onto his arms asking for a morsel of his attention. Pettily enough, you would just need to sigh and mumble “This party isn’t fun,” to have Satoru whipped, ushering you out of the frat house while those girls glared at the back of your Halloween costume, angry beyond measure that a nobody like you has the campus sweetheart wrapped around your finger.

Loud booms of the Vine gunshot sound effect snaps you back into the present, where Satoru is snickering at some god awful brain rot. You choose to approach him, wrapping your arms around his waist and smothering your face into his muscular back.

“Hi baby,” you mumble.

“Guess which sleepyhead is awake!” He announces to the world and turns around, and your traitorous heart jumps in its chest while looking into his eyes. It’s stupid. You’re both in your PJs on a morning where the rain thuds against the window pane, blurring both the window and all outside life, suspending you both in this moment. His eyes look affectionately down to you, and he plants a wet kiss on your forehead. “How was your nap, baby?”

“It was good.” You watch him turn around again to peek at the oven, and he hums, upper arm flexing as he grabs the heavy bag of flour, dragging it closer to him. “When’d you get up?”

“Around 7.”

You shoot him a bewildered look as you hop onto the counter, a better space to observe your boyfriend. When he realized that you had woken up, he had left his phone open to give you a kiss, reel playing noises. You peek over and almost snort at what is playing.

“Satoru, why are you watching alligators get chased away by a shovel?”

He looks up from the bowl of brownie batter he was now cleaning—-with his tongue, mind you—-and grins boyishly. “Isn't it crazy how hundreds of years of evolution get destroyed by a shovel?”

”Your feed is not normal,” you shake your head, keeping a stony face as you continue to scroll through his TikTok. In fact, it’s hilarious—-the things he got were weirder than one could dream, with toilets producing heads of men taking over whole cities. You’re not sure what that means about your boyfriend, but you accept it as you watch the nonsensical video.

“Wait,” he makes his way over to you, standing in between your legs. “Is that skibidi toilet?”

“What the hell is that.”

“Baby,” he whines. “You don’t know the lore? I don’t know if I can be with you for any longer.”

Your bite back a grin. “And subjecting me to hours of FNAF backstory wasn’t testament to how much I love you?”

Before he could whine back, you noticed he had some leftover chocolate on the side of his mouth and leaned over to lick it. Humming at the taste, you grabbed his hands and took in his brownie coated index and middle finger into your mouth.

He frowns. “Are you trying to seduce me into forgiving you and giving you more brownies?”

You laugh softly and give him a soft smooch on his shoulder. “No, silly. If I ate any more than half, I would have diabetes.”

He grabs the back of your hips and pulls you closer into him, nuzzling his nose against yours. The physical contact rubs at your nerves the right way, firing off that emotional part of you that makes you think loving him is so easy. How lucky you are that he’s chosen to give you his love.

His god-awful alarm blares—same annoying sound he keeps hitting snooze on for his 7ams—and the moment breaks as he reaches for the oven mitts to pull out the brownies. The aroma hits you instantly, making your mouth water. Satoru blows dramatically on the brownies, pouting and mock-yelling, “Hurry up and cool down! My girlfriend wants to eat you.” You can’t help but giggle. Once Satoru finally decides they’re cool enough, he grabs one and offers it to you. “Make way for the choo-choo train!” he snickers, guiding the brownie through imaginary tracks, a shit-eating grin on his face, before plopping it into your mouth.

You can’t help but let out a soft sigh as the brownie melts on your tongue, its warmth enveloping your senses. Rich, velvety tones of chocolate overwhelm your mouth, with each bite releasing a symphony of deep, indulgent flavors that linger long after the brownie is fully swallowed. “Wow, this is actually good.”

He pauses, brownie and hand held in mid air. “Why do you sound surprised?”

“I don’t know.” You shrug innocently but stick your tongue out to him regardless.

Popping the brownie in his mouth--but not before sending you a pout---he brushes his hands together to remove the brownie crumbs as he makes his way back in between your legs. The way he settles between them makes you all too aware of the heat of his groin encompassing you. He lazily drags his eyes up your figure, but not before settling on your outfit. His eyes then flick down to watch his hands trace the hem of your tank top, and your eyes follow his hands, a little dizzy by the action.

You’re always a bit sensitive in the mornings, and before this day, you and Satoru’s interactions have been limited to a kiss before he runs for his 7am and then doing college work until 3am, where you’re both too tired for anything particularly frisky. So, yea, you are kind of pent up---and judging by the bulge that’s starting to form in Satoru’s sweats, you assume he is too.

You put your elbows on his shoulder blades to give him head scratches from behind and lean towards his jawlines giving small kisses. You can feel him close his eyes, purring silently like a cat, and underneath your hands, his back and shoulder blades tense and relax as you rake your hands over his scalp.

“This new?” He uses his index finger to snap the strap of your tank top against your shoulder, using his mouth to given open mouthed kisses to your collarbone.

“Mhm,” you hum, a little deliriously at that---he’s begun to trail down, mouth working at the swell of your breasts.

He slowly pulls the collar of your tank down, down down down until your breast pops out. His eyes trace the swing urgently and groans. “I missed these, sweet girl.”

You gasp sharply when he puts it in his mouth, tongue swirling around the nipple. Satoru’s always been a boob guy, joking about his hands being your bra to support “those mommy milkers.” Right now, he’s doing just that; groping the hell out of them and giving them kisses, as if they were God’s greatest creation.

As much as you were enjoying your boyfriend’s boob worshipping, you need more. You were throbbing in want of contact on your pussy, and you made sure to relay just that. “Toru, I need more,” you whined.

“God forbid a man appreciate nice boobs.” He rolls his like the sassy man he is and parts with your nipple like lips after a messy and wet make out session. Your breasts are gleaming with his spit, a string connecting your nipple to his lips. He trails his face down your torso, making his way down to his knees until he was facing your crotch.

You whine and clench your thighs together to draw his face closer to the space between your thighs. He looks up at you and coos, giving your inner thigh a kiss. “I can smell you from here, cutie.”

His statement reminds you that you’re not too wet in the mornings. As soon as you wake up, some of your morning sessions with Satoru require the aid of lube to ensure no pain. Irritation flares at you at the thought that you might need to leave your position to grab some l—-

Oh.

“What the hell. I thought you wet your pants,” Satoru giggles. The finger running through your folds glides messily, as you both marvel to how wet you are. You’re also on another plane; you haven’t felt his touch for weeks, and the feeling overwhelms you as the squelches your pussy makes echo throughout the kitchen.

Satoru gives you a kiss on your neck. “Baby, can I?” You deliriously remember that he’s lightly circling his finger around your entrance and when you finally give him the okay, he pushes in.

Both of you groan at how tight you are. “Satoru,” you moan and proceed to bring him in for a kiss as he pistons in and out of your pussy, curling them just the way you like and making you see colors.

“Pretty, pretty girl,” he groans. “Left my baby so pent up.”

At that, all you can do is nod and whimper in agreement. All that leaves your mouth are gasps of his names and oh my god’s because he’s making you feel so good.

And then, you almost scream as you feel him blowing hot air onto your folds, leaning down to give teasing kitten licks around your clit, but not directly on it. His tongue drags up and down until he finally stops it right next to your clit as if feeling the sensation of your pussy throbbing, echoing your fastened heartbeat skin-to-skin while drooling.

Frustrated, you try to move your hips, but Satoru grabs them to stay in place. He’s so close to the place you want him, but he’s stationed in one place, spit flowing down as his tongue is still and his dark eyes are staring at you as if enraptured by your struggling.

“Satoru, please lick my clit,” you moan wantonly, begging for him to change his position.

But Satoru Gojo wouldn’t be Satoru Gojo without some teasing. “What was that, baby? Avoid your clit? You got it.”

“No,” you sobbed, grabbing onto his hair and directing his tongue to your clit. This time, he relents, sucking the bud into his mouth and hollowing his cheeks, making you see stars.

But soon, his quick and fast lapping turn into lazy licks, and you get frustrated, grinding against air and pussy oozing out wetness as Satoru keeps his tongue outstretched in front of you but not close enough to make contact with your skin, teasing. You hate the feeling of your pussy throbbing and the inner thighs and pussy wet with your slick, lacking the sensation you needed to finally climax. “Oh my god, Satoru, please make me cum.”

“I don’t know baby, you sound pretty commanding to me.” The motherfucker shrugs as if he has nothing to do with your dilemma and starts trailing kisses up your inner thigh. His touches were close to where you needed him most, making you ache for the sensation of his wet laps against you.

“Please, baby,” you beg. “You feel so good, you’re making me feel soo good. I love you so much. Please let me cum.” You’re full on sobbing, hips writhing to get any sensation in.

Satoru, at your display, seems to give in, because he’s coming in once more, giving you a sweet little kiss on your clit. You nearly ascend.

He’s diving in, making a rhythm of dipping his tongue into your entrance and coming back to give sloppily wet laps on your clit. It’s when he groans while his tongue is inside, hot air and vibrations needily simulating your clit, that you come up with a gasp. You roll your hips, Satoru giving you little licks to help you ride out your orgasm.

For how hard you came, you’re bucking your hips frantically, body on a mind of its own as you almost fall off the counter. Satoru has to grip your thighs to prevent that potential injury and rubs soothing circles on the outside of your thigh as you pant, wetness and sweat likely painting the counter beneath you. It’s not until your breath returns back to it’s normal pace that you notice Satoru’s head against your thighs, looking up at you with lovesick eyes.

You’re probably giving him the same look back, you realize, given he made you ascend to heaven and back. He gives an affectionate kiss to your mound, moaning corny shit like “Your pussy tastes sweeter than the brownie.”

And then he stands up, knees popping on the way back up, and despite your fucked out state, you can’t help but giggle. “You old man with the popping knee caps.”

He glares at you playfully, but you know his expression too well to know there’s no real offense in it. “Hey. Rude to say that after I just made you cum your brains out.”

”And you’re about to get the same thing,” you purr, putting a hand on his hard-on. He hisses but looks at you with lust blown eyes as he grabs the back of your thighs to carry you to your shared bedroom.

Yes, rainy days do mean baking with Satoru, but not without intimacy with your even sweeter boyfriend in bed.

general masterlist

comment or reblog to let me know your thoughts! I appreciate all of them <3

a/n lol this was a bitch to write. this might be a word soup or salad or whatever for all readers and that’s ok! I’ve written this primarily at 1am so…

eugh ok im going back to writing ch5 of bridgerton!gojo and fixing the em dashes in this post when i wake up LOL

[ruleofheart]

growing pains — ellie williams

ellie williams x f reader

7k

fluff, angst, smut >O<

ellie if nothing bad happened to her ever, childhood friends to acquaintances(?) to lovers, longing, joel is involved, ellie is a DWEEB! but so are you, car sex, classic misunderstandings

to the lovely folks that asked to be tagged, i hope this meets your expectations… i am terrified of failing you: @macaroni676 @d3sperationn @g3latin

beta read by @heartofrhea my best friend my apologies for being cringelord

The universe can be so cruel. 

You sit at the edge of the curb, curling your legs to yourself to feel less vulnerable. Your phone rolls in your hand, tears of frustration prickling at your eyes. You probably should’ve known better. Well— you do know better. That sinking, intuitive feeling had been swirling in the center of your stomach all night, but you had let your desperation and loneliness take ahold of you. 

You had agreed to go out with some friends and some friends of friends; people you didn’t know jackshit about, but hung out with anyway. You had hoped you didn’t reek of seclusion too bad, feeling like a wounded animal in a crowd of predators. 

But your friends and their friends didn’t really care. They had pulled away from you in the club, losing you to flashing lights and crowded bodies. You searched up and down, called their names in the dingy bathrooms, and even asked the bartender. No dice; you were here to party alone. Now what was the point of even coming along?

Silly.

You initially opted to order an Uber to just get the fuck off the street already, but hey— it’s a Friday night and finals are over. The prices listed cost more than six different coffee runs, and there’s no way you’d be giving those up. 

It’s how you end up sitting on the curb and fervently wiping your tears away, cringing when you remember your hands had been touching all the club door handles and god knows what else. You feel dirty, forgotten. 

You unlock your phone and dim the brightness— the stupid thing almost all out of battery— and turn to what seems to be a last resort, an option that you’ve buried away at the back of your mind for years now.

Pressing your phone to your ear, you can’t help but sigh as the line rings repeatedly, almost positive that you’re completely out of luck. 

It falls silent for a second before there’s faint rustling on the other side, and a voice so familiar, so painful to hear, questions you softly. 

“Ellie,” you say breathlessly; from fatigue or relief, you’re not sure anymore. “Can you come get me?” 

Becoming friends with Ellie Williams was almost too easy. 

That’s just how she is as a person. So easy to be around; her voice and twinkling laugh showing no threat. 

It began with Mrs. Sullivan’s freshman class seating chart; a table of four with you, Ellie, and two other boys who were too preoccupied with copying off each other’s notes half the time for you to even remember their names. You mostly kept to yourself as a weird adolescent, the onslaught of teenage hormones and emotions forcing you into your own little world. 

Ellie, on the other hand, was different. She had noticed the front page cover of Savage Starlight slipped into the front sleeve of your binder, the edges frayed and jagged as if you had actually ripped it off. She was almost offended at the sight of such a careless pull, but found the emotion wavering once she realized you read the comics just like her. 

“Hey! No way!” she had exclaimed with a growing smile, her eyes lit up. She had half a mind to just reach over and take your binder, fingers skimming over the glossy cover. She stopped herself mid-way, mind racing before she asked with just as much glee, “Can I see? I don’t think I’ve been able to get ahold of that edition yet.” 

Your short-lived conversations about Savage Starlight began to transform into lunchroom giggle sessions and bike rides on the way home. She was so easy to fall into; it was almost like she had a part of herself that was reserved just for you, eager for your arrival.

The thing about your dynamic was that it was so intricately woven over time, each thread of yourself intertwining with her own as you came to know each other better. Unabashed adoration and excitement with every laugh, with every moment of eye contact across the classroom and dinner table at home: a twinkle of unwavering youth and closeness.

And the thing was, when it came to you, Ellie was not prideful at all. She would openly admit any given moment that there had to be a hole in her heart that was in the shape of you. The two of you fit so nicely in each other’s lives, slipping into a familiar rhythm that almost seemed karmic, even at such a young age. While you were surrounded by other girls your age navigating their own pent up emotions and typical coming-of-age realizations, turning against each other and whispering dirty secrets, Ellie only seemed to cling onto you— hanging onto your every word with sincerity and trust.

It didn’t take long before Ellie began to invite you over to sleepovers, which was new territory for both her and Joel. He was already a little awkward as-is, navigating life with a teenage girl who had the same foul mouth and temperament as he.

So when you came around, greeting him with little smiles and kind language, he couldn’t help but feel his heart sway in relief, happy that Ellie has someone like you in her life. 

You’d tumble off your bikes, leaving them strewn across the front yard, crushing the grass he labored so hard over. But he didn’t mind, relieved to see the two of you arrive in one piece, losing yourself in video game releases and comic book pages as you both sat in her bedroom. 

Joel became a sort of fly on the wall for you two, ever-present as you were fairly comfortable in their home. Tuning the both of you in and out, listening closely for anything that may alarm him (which, never happened). Sitting across the both of you at the dinner table, serving up a quick and easy bowl of Hamburger Helper to you two. He’d glance at the two of you from under his eyelashes, watching how either you or Ellie would lean into each other as you splayed out homework sheets on the table, muttering to each other in curiosity. The two of you may have been better off sharing a single chair, he’d think to himself in amusement. 

Again, your presence in Ellie’s life and in his home never worried him. It became routine for him as well, watching the two of you bike up the block together almost every day after school. 

One hot summer afternoon, he stood on the porch, prying off the entrance screen door in an attempt to replace it, the critters from the greenbelt nearby winning at their efforts to nibble away at the material. 

From afar, he could hear the growing sound of your chattering, your bike chains clicking repeatedly as you breezed down the sidewalk. He glanced over his shoulder, watching as you two fought amicably, reaching out to each other in a playful attempt to push the other off their bike. He chuckled to himself and turned his gaze back to the screen door, fingers prying at the edges. 

Behind him, Ellie reached a little too far to the side, fingers brushing against your arm before she toppled over sideways off her bike. She collapsed with a laugh-yelp, swearing at you in a way that made you burst out laughing, your shoes dragging across the concrete to stop your bike. 

You hopped off your seat, carelessly letting it fall to the side as you approached Ellie, laughing at her as she pushed herself off the ground. 

“You idiot,” you breathed out in between laughs, nearly folding in on yourself as the incident repeated in your mind. 

“Dude!” she scolded lightheartedly, trying to feign annoyance, and of course failing. She stuck out her arm to show you a deep scrape right above her elbow. “This shit burns.” 

You caught your breath and stepped closer, eyeing the scrape. It was rather gnarly, and you inwardly winced at yourself knowing it was probably going to scab horribly.

“Damn,” you muttered to yourself, holding her arm and twisting it to get a better look. Joel eyed the way you two interacted, pulling away from his task as he glimpsed the bloody splotch on Ellie’s elbow. 

From where he was, he couldn’t exactly make out the words that you two exchanged, your voices lowered significantly. From the look of it, you were offering an apology. He didn’t catch the way you smiled up at her apologetically, but he was positive that his mind wasn’t playing tricks on him when you leaned in and placed a harmless, healing kiss onto her arm, right above the scrape.

It was, in reality, lighthearted and childish. A testament to your playfulness, your eagerness to please Ellie’s heart. 

And although Ellie didn’t realize it, there was a flicker of emotion that crossed her face. A change in her eyes; in the way that she looked at you. It flew over your head, too; busy smiling up at her, pulling her closer with the strength of the sun’s gravity. 

But Joel noticed. He caught this sudden change, this glimmer on Ellie’s face. He felt the complexities of youth and new emotion washing over him again, a short chuckle leaving his lips as he turned away, focusing back on fixing the screen door. 

Later that night, he pulled Ellie aside. 

“Hey, kid. I’m gonna need you to keep the door open when she’s around, alright?”

“What?” Ellie asked, utterly oblivious. A look of distaste flittered across her features. 

He was trying to remain as nonchalant as possible, knowing all too well that if he pushed too hard or looked too stern, Ellie would just defy him out of her own stubborn nature. He folded some blankets over the couch, eyes avoiding hers. “Just keep it open, Ellie.” 

She groaned in annoyance and threw her head back, hands falling to her sides. She looked truly exasperated, confused with this sudden change in house rules. 

That night, as the door remained cracked open, Joel walked by Ellie’s bedroom to sort some towels in the hallway closet. His ears picked up her frustrated tone; “…wants me to leave the door open now. Never heard of a rule as stupid as that, but whatever.” 

You giggled calmly, then fell silent for a second. “It’s okay. My mom has that rule too, for my brother and his girlfriend.” 

And he could almost hear the way Ellie’s face scrunched up, a confused groan escaping her again. She failed to reply, and the topic at hand was dropped as soon as you leaned over to her and showed her a page from a new comic, rambling on about how the plot hole in this series was diabolical. 

He silently walked away, mind wandering as he tried to think about how to approach this blooming situation, a flicker of both hope and protection illuminating in his chest. 

It was junior year of high school when the foundation of your friendship began to split, allowing something else to slip into it. Something sneaky, deceitful, something that constantly rendered you speechless and warm. 

You no longer rode your bikes or shared comic books; you were much too old for that now! Ellie had just gotten her license, a little too eager to drive Joel’s old beat up truck around with you in the passenger seat. And, of course, the both of you felt like true teenagers when you finally got phones.

You sat on Ellie’s bed, your knees pulled to your chest as you scrolled through your timeline. You giggled at random collages of pictures and videos, occasionally showing your screen to Ellie in hopes that she would laugh with you. 

She sat on the other end of the bed, a rolled joint held delicately in her fingers. Joel wasn’t home, and her bedroom door was closed. The walls of her bedroom trapped the both of you with the smell of it, but you were slowly learning to not mind it as much. 

When you first received a phone, you found yourself diving into social media, trying to keep up with this sudden boom of a new language, new jokes, new form of communication. Ellie, on the other hand, never touched her phone. If she was using it, it was probably because she was texting you. She refused to engage with any social media at all, meaning you had to sit and explain new jokes and trends to her. Sometimes, she’d try her hand at new lingo or an ongoing joke, but failed so miserably each time that you’d roll over her bedsheets in laughter. 

She pressed the joint to her lips, eyes lazy as she looked at you with longing. The brightness from your screen illuminated your face, emphasizing every beauty mark and freckle. 

“Hey,” she started, voice low. “C’mere.” 

You looked up at her in curiosity, putting your phone down. Your eyes stayed trained on her as you scooted closer, the sides of your legs pressing against hers. 

She wasn’t sure if it was the smoke or the way that you peered up at her that made the center of her body feel warm. She tilted her head away from you as she exhaled, the smoke clouding the space between you two; your heart thundered in your chest. 

“Almost done,” she promised, voice only a little raspy. “Missed you; that thing is hoarding all your attention.” The corners of her mouth twitched. 

“Is not!” you defended, shoving her shoulder with your own. “I’m right here.” 

“Yeah,” she began, her hand coming up to tap at your head playfully. “But you’re not here. Let’s do something; been wanting to play a few rounds of that old zombie game.”

It was how you end up pressed into each other’s sides, hollering and giggling at the tiny TV screen on her bedroom dresser. You played erratically, your fingers relying on nonsensical button smashing to survive. Ellie had to constantly revive you every five minutes, but never mentioned it. 

She missed the way you squealed in anticipation with every new round that started, your eyes wide as you spoke with a constant smile. And, maybe it was from her high, but she was a little too intent in the way that she watched you, her mind feeling far away as she memorized every crevice of your face from the side. 

“Ellie!” you scolded, bringing her out of her daze. “No way you already died, the round just started!” 

She turned her attention back to the screen, scoffing as her player screen was black and white, her character eye-level with the ground. 

“Damn,” she muttered, surprised that she let herself slack off for so long. Too lost in your side profile, the dip of your lips, the way your lashes fluttered in surprise when a zombie attacked you in-game. 

Your character raced towards her, shooting around sloppily before you pressed the buttons to revive her. Her hand found itself on the top of your thigh, right above your knee. Perhaps it was the fogginess of her mind, or a newfound boldness that spurts through her; but she squeezed at your leg, her eyes stuck on the screen. “Thanks,” she says a little too nonchalantly, like that was completely normal. 

You swallowed thickly, your own movements faltering. There was a red ring forming around your player screen, indicating that you were being ruthlessly attacked. 

She snickered, her voice playful. “Focus.” 

The two of you kept on, your mind instead slipping up and focusing a little too hard on the way she touched you. 

It was senior year when that particular, sneaky something begins to widen the cracks in your relationship. A feeling that blurred your vision, blurred your mind. A feeling that made it impossible to correctly decipher whatever it was that Ellie was going through, and the two of you began to fall apart. 

It mostly started when Ellie got a job at a skate shop. For the most part, it was relaxed, her days consisting of seeing the same people come and go for wheels and decks. But it meant that she had less time to spend with you. 

Initially, she would use every single day off to see you. To invite you over or to laze around on your fluffy duvet, listening to you ramble about your nervousness as graduation was approaching. She would take you out, spoil you rotten with the excitement of her new paychecks, saying fuck all to saving any money. 

And in reality, you didn’t care about the way she spoiled you; granted, it was nice and certainly made your heart beat a certain way, but you mostly valued that she made the effort to see you still. Exchanging silent words and looks across the classroom was no longer sufficing your yearning heart. 

Months passed and Ellie started to become a little bit more focused on balancing school and work; she was set on saving as college approaches, and you figured that the prospect of growing up had changed her. She was set on a college, set on astrophysics, set on buying Joel some land and maybe, hopefully, spoiling you some more in a few years down the line…

But she was maybe a little too caught up in it. She saw you less and less, accidentally channeling her friendly energy to her coworkers. And while you knew there was nothing wrong with that, you couldn’t help the bitter taste that rested on your tongue when she constantly brought up the names of others that you’d heard of countless times. A part of you wanted to turn to her, ask her so pathetically, why can’t you do the same with me?

You started to really feel like you were losing her when you finally got the chance to sit in her room again, the both of you babbling about what you think college will look like. At first, the comfort of her poster-covered walls and space trinkets settled your restless heart, and you had felt at home with her again. 

It wasn’t until she slipped away to use the restroom, leaving her phone on her bed. The screen illuminated as it buzzed once, twice— three times. You should’ve left it alone, thinking maybe it was Joel warning her he’d be late from work. But you leaned over anyway, reading over the text on the screen.

For one, it was a coworker. You recognized the name on the notification; and for some reason, when you realized it was from the only other girl at her workplace, a horrible feeling nestled into your stomach. 

And then you couldn’t help the minor feeling of betrayal as you realized they had been messaging each other on a social media platform; one of the many things Ellie swore up and down that she’d stay away from. 

You didn’t even follow her on there. She never told you. 

It’s silly, you thought. Ellie can do whatever she pleased. But this new turn of events, this tiny thing that was still so out of character; the foundation between you two felt almost completely severed. 

Weeks passed from that day and you them found yourself pulling away. The both of you were accepted into the same college, but you couldn’t even find it in yourself to feel excited. Ellie begged you to fill out your housing papers on time so that the two of you could be roommates, but you purposefully procrastinated. You weren’t sure you could handle such close proximity with her anymore. 

It was with this that the gap between the both of you widened. She didn’t drive you home anymore; it was time to put your own license to use. You two no longer exchanged knowing looks across the room, and you sure as hell didn’t share dinner with Joel anymore, either. You started to forget the exact layout of her bedroom. 

Graduation came and went; you spent it in solitude, not really counting the presence of your family members. Ellie did race up to you and gave you a bone crushing hug, nose burying into your hair, but you were so caught up in it all that you didn’t reciprocate it. 

It was another one of those minor things that widened the gap, made her step away from you both physically and emotionally. 

Even when Joel offhandedly mentioned that he’d be okay with helping you move into your dorm, Ellie made up some excuse on the fly; saying your brother had it covered. She hadn’t even asked you.

So, just like that, summer passed in a blink. You spent your days curled up in your bed, wallowing. Ellie spent it trying to distract herself, losing herself in the presence of coworkers-turned-close-friends. You shamefully stalked her social media, tears pricking at your eyes as she posted places and things that seem so fun, so far away. Places and things that you would’ve liked. 

What hurt more was the constant questioning from your family. Where’s Ellie? What’s she up to?

Hell if you knew. You’d been relying on her story highlights for snippets of her life, and even then they were still so vague. Scenery, music, her guitar. Someone else’s hands holding a deck of cards, videos with incessant giggling in the background. God, you were almost sickly with both wanting and loneliness. 

And, just like that, it was freshman year again. This time, there was no seating chart. No binder for you to slip comic book covers into. No comfort of hopping on your bike and riding home with the only person that matters at your side. 

You were in some sort of emotional purgatory. Your mind blank as you walked around campus, as you stared at your laptop screen in the dead of night, body aching as you slumped over and completed your coursework. The excitement and late nights that you and Ellie had planned were nowhere to be found. 

On the other hand, Ellie busied herself so much, she found that she almost forgot you. Almost. 

Burying herself into her homework, mind trying its hardest to wrap around these new concepts. Partying, though she wasn’t not really there. Smoking some, drinking some. It all still felt lonely. 

She was enjoying this new group of friends, but they didn’t amount to the certain someone that still had their shape, their initials carved into the center of her heart. It was almost unbearable to exist without you; the two of you blending into each other so well, she still found herself saying things the way you did— the intonation, the little lingo, the mannerisms. Your existence was embedded into her own, folding over into her psyche so compact-tight, she knew she could never escape you. 

Ellie assumed that now, at this point, it was about carrying you in her soul even though you were no longer around. The beauty of this life; she’d lost you, but not entirely. Your personality reflecting in her own no matter what, no matter how hard she tried. Her existence was a testament to your own— someone’s been here. Someone’s loved me. 

Weeks passed. Months passed. The both of you constantly shuffling across the same campus, yet never running into each other. Your text messages now buried underneath more recent threads, your shared playlist long forgotten and neglected. 

Winter break hit and the loneliness bit just as much as the cold. When Ellie returned home, she noticed her old bike in the garage, propped up against storage bins, the tires flat. When you returned home, you came back to photos of the both of you, pinned to your wall. Your breath stuttered in your throat as you took them down, throwing them into a box in your closet. 

At the same time, yet separately, the both of you traversed new grounds, and odd fucked up forms of grief. Being in your own space yet running into things that reminded you of someone that you wanted the most. And it wasn’t not like they were gone; yet the both of you let go, deciding that somehow, it was for the better. 

The cycle repeated as the seasons changed. Instead of actually moving on, the both of you just somehow got better at repressing your emotions and acting like nothing happened. Occasionally reflecting on your friendship in a daydream, and then reminding yourself that somehow, it just wasn’t meant to be. It was time to move on— she was never yours. 

It’s summer now, the end of junior year. Ellie’s at her friend’s place, sipping on a poorly made drink as they play card games and tune into a new season of a trending series. She’s cross-legged on the floor, smiling to herself as her friends talk over each other, slamming the cards down on the coffee table and trying to warp the rules in their own favor. It’s fun, and it’s easy to sit back and watch everything unfold. 

She feels her phone in her back pocket vibrating; assuming it’s Joel just checking up on her, she gets up and excuses herself, slipping out the back porch door. 

When she reaches for her phone, her heart nearly stops beating altogether. In fact, she’s sure it does, as her stomach suddenly twists in confusion and pain, a small cough leaving her lips as she tries to collect herself. Your name shines on her screen as you call, and she’s so sure she’s hallucinating (the hell was in that drink?) until she swallows her surprise and answers. 

And there you are. Breathless, exhausted. Immediately, she knows. Despite it being so long, despite the fact that she’s not entirely sure she knows you anymore, she still recognizes the tone in your voice, recognizes that you needed her. 

“Where are you?” she blurts before you can finish your sentence, her body automatically pacing around. “Send me the address.” 

You’re apologetic, sounding defeated on the other side. You tell her over and over again, I’m sorry.

There’s weight behind the way you say it, like you’re apologizing for something more. Like you’re counting all those times you shut her out, the times you let her slip through your fingers. It’s weak and shaky, but Ellie doesn’t bring it up. She’s too busy slipping on her shoes, keys dangling from her fingers as she mouths to her friends that she’ll see them later. 

She stays with you on the phone the entire time she drives over to get you. She asks, over and over again, if you’re okay and in a safe area, and your heart twists with guilt and shame. You stay planted on the edge of the curb, looking like a wilted flower.

Ellie feels her heart drop to her stomach as she approaches the street that you sit on, her headlights illuminating your pathetic figure. She rolls down the window and pulls over, calling out to you. 

Your eyes are low, the shame blatantly evident on your face. Ellie’s not sure how this will unfold; this isn’t exactly the way she dreamed the two of you would reunite. But that look on your face— Ellie knows it well enough. You’re both 15 again, and you’re trying to hide within your own body somehow. She sees the embarrassment, the bitter feeling that sits at the center of your chest. 

You approach her car and observe at her through the window, eyes avoiding her own. You study her form, how much she’s grown. She’s got a new haircut; it’s shorter— gayer. You can almost imagine yourself laughing at her, can almost imagine twirling the short pieces between your fingers. A patch of black ink catches your eye just then, your gaze landing on her forearm. Since when did she get a tattoo? 

She unlocks the door, silently beckoning you in. You slump into the passenger seat, completely defeated, and she reads your body language well enough to know not to pry at the situation. 

She shifts the car into drive but realizes that she doesn’t even know where you live anymore. The car sits there, idle as she tries to figure out what to ask you and how, then you mutter the directions to your apartment, reading her confusion just as well. 

The sound of Ellie’s music is quiet, practically just a gentle hum as the two of you sit, rigid as you keep your gazes locked on the road ahead. You don’t intend to explain yourself or have some sort of emotional come-to-jesus moment with Ellie, figuring that this situation alone is already stressful enough. 

But, she clears her throat and opens her mouth to speak, eyes still locked on the street signs. “You see the trailer for the new Savage Starlight adaptation?” 

You give her an awkward chuckle. “Yeah,” you say, nearly whispering. “Looked like trash, honestly.”

Ellie laughs at that. Laughs. And god, it’s not the kind of laugh that kills her, but it’s a solid one; an honest one. It sounds so good as it erupts from her chest, the sound of it pouring into your ears and over your heart. Christ. 

Your eyebrow twitches and you have to turn your head to look out the window— you can’t let her see the look on your face. You’re sure your eyes are wide and pooling with some sort of desperation. 

And, of course, Ellie catches it. But she just cares too much about you, so she lets all these little thing slip by to keep you comfortable, to keep you with her for even just a second longer. 

The conversation stays trained on little comments, acknowledging new video game releases and comic book trailers as if the both of you are in high school again, caught up in your nerdy obsessions. The air is thick and steady; the both of you dancing around this thinly-veiled attempt to be normal. The smallest things, such as the sound of her clearing her throat, or her hand coming up to scratch at her cheek, make your skin crawl with anticipation. 

You brace yourself for the ball to drop, holding it so tight to your chest, you’re almost suffocating. 

And while there’s no way you’ll drop this act, desperately clutching onto this feeling of faux normalcy, you know Ellie will. She’s much too blunt and forward focused to let you both sit in this awkward, paper-doll like scenario; steadily crafting your sentences, training your eyes to avoid her. 

And, god— it’s almost too easy to let your body relax, to slip back into your old comfortable patterns with Ellie right next to you. Because she’s never been prideful, and never will be, with the way she smiles to herself and breathes: “I missed you. It’s been… really long,” she says the last part with a bittersweet chuckle. “Too long.” 

Your chest caves. Stupidly, eagerly, almost like it wanted to, this whole time. Your body feels prickly and warm, but you school your face to remain somewhat neutral. 

“Yeah,” you offer dryly. “I’m kind of surprised, actually.” 

At that, Ellie tilts her head, fingers fluttering around the steering wheel. “How come?” 

“That, like, you even showed up. And you’re actually being nice and taking me home. I figured you kinda hated my guts towards the end.”

Ellie’s body has a physical reaction to that, and she taps on the brakes by accident. Not hard enough to send the both of you flying forward, but just enough of a push. You whip your head towards her, watching the way she furrows her eyebrows and shakes her head. 

“Sorry. Not trying to be defensive, but why…” She swallows thickly. “Why would you think that? And of me, of all people?”

She’s so, so gentle with the way she says it. Her voice quiet and low, not wanting to scare you away with this sudden confrontation. She reeks of true curiosity and something else that seems like hurt. 

“I just,” you start, trying to gather your words, then pause, not really recognizing where Ellie is driving. “Hold on. Where are you—?”

She pulls into an empty parking lot, stopping the car at an awkward angle, careless about her parking etiquette. 

“I’m sorry. I really just wanna clarify things,” she breathes out, her tone hurried as if you’ll slip and fade away if she doesn’t explain herself fast enough. “But, if you want me to completely fuck off, I’ll take you home. Just tell me.” 

You remain quiet, looking at her with a face that reads half anxious, half eager. A mix of the two, both emotions so similar in nature that maybe it kind of looks like… excitement. 

Ellie turns her body in her seat so that she can face you directly. “I was never tired of you, ever.” She takes in a slow, deep breath, trying to pace herself and keep her voice steady. With you, she can become passionate very quickly, so she needs to remain cool. “If anything, I thought that you felt that way about me. You stopped comin’ around, didn’t even try to room with me, and completely bailed on my attempts to see you. Did I do something?” 

She’s completely disarmed. Her words woven with nothing but good intentions, the look on her face desperate for some sort of reconciliation. She eyes you carefully, and if you looked hard enough, you may have been able to catch the glimmer of want in her eyes. 

Overcome with emotion, you fumble. Too busy with wanting to just defend yourself, swinging around your sword with your eyes shut in the hopes that you won’t get hurt, you don’t even try to match her energy. 

“Well, yeah,” you bite back, not nearly as careful as she was. “You changed. Everything changed. You made other friends, new friends, and just left me behind,” you accuse sharply, not thinking straight. “You… went behind my back.”

Despite the way that you speak to her, Ellie’s face softens. She knows what this is about. She’s too understanding, too willing to do anything to get you back in her life. As the realization slowly dawns on her, her heart flutters both with yearning and a deeper need. 

It’s how you end up pressed against the backseat of her car, her mouth on yours as her hands roam freely around your body. You shut up rather quickly, mind blurring over with the oncoming release of years of pent-up wanting. You tried to keep arguing back at her, and she did nothing but talk to you in that sweet tone, with eyes that scream I love you.

It isn’t that she’s trying to coax you, or anything. It just happened as you begin to increasingly realize that she is not going to fight you; she just wants you. She needs you to know that, she has to make herself clear. 

Fog creeps up the car windows as she presses her knee in between your legs, rocking against you slowly. 

Ellie’s pacing herself; she’s thought about this a few times, guiltily. But in her mind, it’s always been in her bed, her mind crafting the scene of your body, your little sounds. It was like she had to slap her own hand away from herself sometimes. 

So while this isn’t exactly what she had daydreamed it would be, she still wouldn’t complain. Regardless of the situation, you were pressed into her, panting and sighing in ways that made her mind turn to soppy mush, overrun with desire and emotion. 

And, while she’s set on taking care of you and showing you just how much you meant and still mean to her, she can’t help but want to make you admit it too. 

She pulls back from kissing you, her eyes glazed over as she looks at your face. Holy shit.

Skin so warm, and you already look spent. She swallows, suddenly doubting how long she’ll be able to hold off. 

She bites back a satisfied smile before she dips down again, her face hidden in the crevice between your neck and shoulder, kissing all the way down. 

“Take this off,” she murmurs, fingers pulling at the waistband of your skirt. You do your best to follow her orders, cramped up in the seat, pulling your knees towards yourself in an attempt to shimmy out of the fabric. It catches on your ankle, hanging, and you giggle at the state of the situation. Ellie’s heart melts over itself, beating erratically; she’s going fucking crazy. 

You’ve done nothing but moan, twitch, laugh, and flutter your lashes. She hasn’t even felt you yet, hasn’t even seen your body in its entirety. And she’s gone. 

She almost raises an eyebrow at the sight of your skimpy little underwear, but her question catches in her throat. You were at the club, after all. Something sinks in her stomach at the thought of anyone else seeing you like this, observing the way the fabric clings onto you. 

Her fingers massage at your inner thighs, her knee firm in place as she keeps them set apart. Her digits dance right against your core, pressing against the fabric. You twitch, rolling your hips into her, fingers catching on the seatbelt behind you, gripping on for life. She laughs, but not necessarily at you. 

It feels like it takes her years (well, technically) to push your panties to the side, eyes falling hazy as she stares right into you. You’re so vulnerable, you try shutting your thighs close, but she pushes them apart again. 

“I know,” she hushes you, dipping lower to nip at your lips. “I know.” 

Her fingers trace over your folds, and you think you’re about to explode. You hadn’t expected Ellie to be the type to make this agonizing and painful, but you know you probably deserve it after your showcase of attitude. 

She draws her hand back and brings her fingers up to her mouth, sucking on them nonchalantly. A satisfied sigh escapes her as she finally, finally gets to taste you on her tongue. She lets her hand travel back down, and you turn your head to the side, shutting your eyes in anticipation. 

“Look at me,” she commands softly, stopping her fingers right where you want her. 

You nod, giving her the false promise that you will. Ellie sees right through it, and with her free hand she gently grips onto your face, turning you to make eye contact with her. 

She needed to see your face as she fucked you, she needed to know, after so long of wondering, how you looked when facing pure pleasure. 

Your lashes flutter, eyebrows screwing together as she slips her fingers inside your warmth, pressing the heel of her palm against your clit. She’s gentle in the way she stretches you out, working you through it with such care and patience. 

Ellie revels in the way your chest heaves already, pupils blown out with bliss. She moves her knee and lets you shut your thighs together, trapping her hand in place. 

“This is all you needed, huh?” she teases, her voice only a little prickly, but her smile says otherwise. “For me to touch you like this.” 

You nod silently, too busy biting on your bottom lip and rocking your body onto her fingers to reply. 

“Answer me,” she demands with the same softness, setting the tone. Her gaze is locked onto your face, memorizing every twitch of your brow, every whine that leaves your lips. 

It’s almost ridiculous how brainless you are already, melting beneath her entirely. 

“Needed you,” you manage to breathe out, nodding your head again. “So bad.”

Ellie hisses a swear, and she can’t help the way she leans into you, pressing her body against yours. She curls her fingers inside of you, the palm of her hand nudging at your eager bud. She groans to herself as she feels your walls twitch around her digits, her head dropping low as if she has to stop herself from spiraling. She’s hanging on by a thread; a hair, wanting nothing more than to fuck you senseless. But it’s been too long, and she’s got something to prove to you. 

Her eyes shine as she feels your body grow tense, your wriggling becoming more constant. She slows down her pace, watching closely as your mouth drops, a pout playing at your lips. 

“Please,” you begin, and she smiles. 

“Please what?” 

“Please, fucking just,” you try grinding on her fingers, lashes fluttering. “Oh my god,” you sigh, that little attitude trickling in your tone. 

She scoffs, almost meanly. She stops her movements entirely, fingers falling slack in your pussy. “Yeah? Do it yourself, then.” 

And to her surprise, you do. That attitude is wiped clean from your voice as you whimper pathetically, body rolling, walls fluttering as you try to fuck yourself with her fingers. She stares at you in awe, throat running dry. 

It takes her a second, but she blinks and she’s falling back into you. Watching as you desperately chase your release, bumping your clit onto her hand, and you absentmindedly grab onto her arm, trying to anchor yourself. 

She sucks her teeth and sighs to herself. She had intended to drag this out, to make you beg, to make you say that you were hers all along. But with the way you hold onto her, shamelessly rutting your hips, her name falling off your lips like a prayer— she already knows it’s all true. 

She’s kind enough to start thrusting her fingers again, moaning at the way your slick bundles at your entrance, coating her fingers and slipping down her hand. It’s obscene, but she doesn’t care. In fact, it gives her more of a reason to clean you up afterward. 

“Ellie,” you breathe suddenly, your little prayers becoming less coherent as a certain feeling creeps around, engulfing your body and mind. “I’m gonna cum,” you whine shamelessly, the heat in your stomach spreading lower and lower, your body tingling. 

She leans over you again, watching over your face as your eyes slip shut. 

“Go ahead, baby. Let me hear you.” 

It’s a demand but she still says it so softly, a certain tenderness behind her words. You choke on your own moan, body practically seizing as your thighs tighten, fingers digging into her arm. You chant a repeated I can’t, I can’t, I can’t, and Ellie smiles as you do anyway, your cunt swallowing her fingers with your release. 

Her hand relentlessly slaps against your core, even though you begin to tear up and beg for her to stop. She smiles to herself before she slowly drags her fingers out of you, bringing them back up into her mouth. 

It’s not nearly enough. While you slump back into the seat, panting, body still shaky from such strong sensations, she’s busy maneuvering her body to sit on the floor of the car and propping your legs onto her shoulders. 

You blink as you slowly come back to reality, your mind hazy. 

“Ellie,” you start softly, reaching out your hand. 

She reaches up and intertwines your fingers, eyes locked on your dripping cunt as her voice carries over to your ears. “I’m right here. Can’t let it go to waste.” 

Your eyes roll back, another string of moans escaping you as Ellie shuts her eyes and latches onto your clit, moaning into your pussy. 

The hours of the night escape both of you, becoming lost in each other in the back of her car, cementing your fate. 

Ellie laughs at your blank expression, her hand rubbing down her face in disbelief. 

“That was so… garbage. Beyond garbage. Landfill levels of trash,” you say weakly, the soft lights of the movie theater reflecting off your face. 

She continues giggling at your side, hand over her mouth in an attempt to be quiet despite the fact that the movie is already over. 

You playfully swat at her arm, turning to her, face ridden with shock. “There’s no way you’re not disappointed! This shit was such a waste of money. We were better off pirating it.” 

She shakes her head and smiles to herself, hand wrapping around your own as she pulls you to stand up with her. “I think it was well worth it; it was, like, funny bad.” 

You stand, wrapping your arm around her own as you two trail down the steps of the theater. You continue picking the movie apart, disdain in your voice. You have a reason to be passionate; this lazy attempt at turning Savage Starlight into a box office success had taken a terrible turn, the movie filled with stupid one-liners and god awful acting. 

You should’ve known; it’s been a month since the trailer dropped— or, since you and Ellie came back together. A month of everything falling into place, the pieces of your individual lives slipping back into the way they used to be. A month of constant, whispered confessions, making up for lost time; lovelorn kisses, touches fueled by years of yearning. Pursuing your lives together again, and of course, falling back into your geeky little habits— the one thing that brought you together in the first place, anyway.

You shouldn’t have walked in with such high expectations after the both of you predicted how awful it was gonna be once you both sat down to rewatch the trailers together. 

As the two of you make it outside of the building, Ellie bites her cheek at the way you continue to ramble, the passion in your voice making her heart swell. There is just too much to adore about you. 

“Hey,” she starts, voice low. 

You raise your eyebrows. “What?”

Ellie nods her chin in the direction of her car, mischief written all over her face. “I know a way to give you a happy ending.”

You groan in annoyance, pushing her away. Your voice rings out and into her ears, settling her restless heart as you scold her, a smile showing through.

“Ellie!”

[kaysungshine]

Redamancy: Part II ['red-a-man-sE] noun ;a love returned in full

(If you haven't read part one, you definitely should!)

{ Pairing } - idol!bangchan x staff!afab.reader (bestie!jisung)

{ Genre } - NSFW; s/a/f trifecta, now friends to enemies to lovers, pining

{ Synopsis } - Things are awkward now, you're avoiding each other. In fact you distanced yourself from the entire group. What happens when Ji confronts you? What happens when Chan does a 180 and tries to befriend you? And what happens when Chan finally has you alone in his room?

{ WC } - 14.3k (I am so sorry 🥺) + 2 screenshots

{ Warnings & Tags } - 18+ MDNI, lowkey POV switch , lots and lots of angst, eventual smut & fluff, swearing, use of babygirl, multiple nicknames for members, choking, drinking, bestie jisung crying, hyunjin being a logical romantic, y/n being a little toxic but learning from it, they're honestly both a lotta stupid, oral(f. receiving), dry humping, hickeys and bruising, questionable breath play (please research if you plan on doing this, do it safely), chans nipples are sensitive, he's just sensitive in general with y/n, fingering, needy chan, members teasing, talk of edging, talk of bdsm, these two are VOCAL as hell, so lots of moaning, groaning, whining, whimpering, mewling, and dirty talk during sex, unprotected sex (piv), pull out method (again don't do this, practise safe sex), much cringe, much awkward, but they overcome it (LMK if I forgot any, I'm sorry)

{ Disclaimer } - This work is in no way associated or depicting the actual life of the members of SKZ. It is a fictional piece of work, and I do not own Stray Kids. All works of fiction are loosely inspired by SKZ, and in no way am I saying it is true to their character.

{ A/N } - Alright almost a month later, and I finally finished part two!! Please don't hate meeee, I beg your forgiveness, please. It took me a while because I just couldn't stop writing and adding things. Editing also took FOREVER, because I wasn't confident that it would satisfy you guys. I'm still not sure. So I apologize if this didn't live up to your expectations, again, please be gentle with me ♡. Understand that this is only my 2nd SKZ fic, so I'm still learning about how to portray each character, and how to piece things together seamlessly!

Chan was starting to worry. It had been almost two weeks and he still hadn't seen you, nor heard from you. It wasn't like you two really spoke outside of questioning the other about Jisungs' whereabouts. There were the occasional texts, again about Jisung. He didn't know what to say to you to begin with. Apologize? He already did that, and it only seemed to make you more upset. But that was in the moment, and both your emotions were on overdrive. 

The other members were starting to notice your absence, questioning Han about it. Asking if you were okay. You'd even started avoiding all the public areas at the building. No one was even sure if you were eating during the day, or there at all. You didn't go to the cafeteria, break rooms, or practise rooms. No one caught you in the lounge areas, elevator, or the stairwell. No one even saw you coming into or leaving the building. It was to the point where Hyunjin was nearly planning steakout missions with Jisung. And poor Ji. He only got to see you twice since that night. A drastic decrease in comparison to how often he usually spends time with you. Chan only knew that because he overheard him talking to Minho about it. That was all he heard before Han noticed him standing there, and left for his room, sending him a spine chilling glare along the way. 

And Chan knew it really was all his fault when Minho just gave him a curiously sad look, and patted him on the shoulder. You obviously said something to Han, who said something to Minho. He wonders who else knows how bad he messed up. 

He was racking his brain trying to figure out how to fix this. Never in a million years had he thought he'd actually get a chance to experience such a quintessential moment with you. He'd liked you for so long, it was starting to turn into more than that. Ever since he'd seen you helping a new trainee navigate the building, he grew interested in your kind heart first and foremost. He's sure he's been through all the emotions. Excitement, because you started hanging around with them and you fell right into the dynamic so easily. Anxiety, because he didn't know how to approach you at first. Jealousy, when Han got all of the attention from you. Anger, when he thought you and Han started dating secretly. Embarrassment, when he realized how wrong he was. Hope, when you two shared a hug, even though it was a very awkward hug. Despondent, when he still couldn't figure out how to act around you, letting whatever growing friendship you two had begun, stall. And now regretful. But not regret for kissing you, touching you, or nearly fucking you. No, regret that he had stopped. 

Such a beautiful moment, where he was truly lost in bliss. And he halted it. He let his anxiety get to him, his internal conflict wouldn't shut up.

He truly was worried about the technicality of it all. The rules, the company, the media, the fans. Worst of all, you would receive the brunt of it. He didn't know how to protect you from it all. He was constantly going back and forth in his head. How could he make it work? Would you even want to make it work? Did you even like him? What did you think about him exactly? 

He wasn't blind. Every once in a while he'd catch your eyes on him for a little too long. Any 'accidental' physical contact you had with him would linger. And he knew there was a certain smile you'd reserved just for him. Not to mention, you were always the first to reach out directly, and make conversation with him. He was always too afraid to. He felt like a coward. And when he finally had the courage to make a move, a bold move, a ravenous move... His ego suddenly deflated when he realized his actions could be taken the wrong way.

He panicked.

He doesn't want you to think that he just wants sex from you. That you're just a fling. A one night stand. A hookup. No he wanted to do it the right way. He wanted to take you on a date, he wanted to learn more about you, to meet your friends. He wanted you to meet his family, to meet Berry. He even fantasized about planning a special date to ask you to be his girlfriend. He fantasized about anniversaries, about holidays spent together, a life spent together. He wanted to give you the world. He fell for you hard. And in that moment, he felt like he was doing it all backwards. So he stopped. It nearly killed him, but he stopped. And he should've done anything, quite literally anything else but stop.

When he saw the spark in your eyes dimming, only to be replaced with apprehension. He immediately apologized, and spat out a quick blurb about being inappropriate. 

Your entire face just sunk, and he shut down. There was nothing more he could say about it, not in that moment. And he felt even worse when you said you understood, but he didn't let it show. You didn't understand, not really. There was no way in hell you could, and he desperately wanted to just spill everything that second. But he wanted to be sober, wanted you to be sober, so instead he told you to drink water. And go to bed. 

What the hell was wrong with him. 

He even made sure to wake up early the next morning, anticipating to somehow get the chance to talk to you. When you came running down the hall, he was sure that it was fate. The chance that you two had alone time this early was perfect. He had hoped that this would all be sorted out. If he confessed, maybe you would too. Then he could explain last night, and you two could talk about it. And if it didn't work out like that, at the very least he could try to preserve your friendship. It would be painful to remain just friends, but he didn't want you out of his life. He couldn't imagine that. He doesn’t think he could handle that. After he greeted you, he noticed your eyes had tears in them. You were starting to hyperventilate, and tremble. 

Then you were leaving. 

Even though he's come up with world class lyrics, he seemed to be failing with his words lately. He didn't ask if you were okay, or what was wrong, or breach the topic that was clearly needing clarification. No, instead, he followed up with asking if you wanted breakfast. 

You didn't even look at him. The tone of your voice was glacial, freezing him right to the spot. He'd never heard you sound like that. He just stood there, watching the door close. Listening to your car start, listening to you drive off. And then he stood there more, afraid to move. 

When Jisung came running out 15 minutes later, he was still standing there. Han saw your things were gone, and knew that you left. Chan only decided to move when Han uttered five angry words to him. 

'You really fucked up, Chan.'

He knew he did. And he didn't know where to begin to fix it...

"--Channie-hyung!" 

He whipped his head up, and found Jeongin snapping his fingers in front of face, trying to get his attention. 

They'd been at dance practice, taking a break. He only then realized that he'd zoned out the entire time, not eating, not grabbing water, not even sitting down. Just recounting his mistakes, and dwelling on them. Now it was time to get back to work. 

Jeongin was giving him a strange look, but he didn't dare question him. In addition to messing things up with you, he'd been too on edge. Snapping at one too many people. He didn't want to risk Chan blowing up on him next.

"Where's Hannie and Hyune?" Chan questions.

"Probably still in the cafeteria..." Minho responds, giving him a knowing look. 

Minho was the one keeping both him and Han in check at the moment. He felt bad for forcing him into a position like that, considering he was Chan's younger member. Even if it's just one year. Having to be a mediator daily between his two brothers, he knew it must've taken a toll on him. But he never complained, and Chan was grateful nonetheless. 

Chan nodded, and went to grab water from his bag. As he was chugging it, Jisung came into the room and went straight to Minho. Furiously whispering at him, pushing his hair back. Hyunjin trailed in not long after, his eyes darted to Chan, but looked away quickly. 

"What's going on?" Seungmin asked.

Minho just put his hand up to him, and the younger one scoffed. He turned to Felix, "The hyungs are acting fucking weird lately." 

Felix hummed in agreement, as he continued massaging Changbin. 

"Aye, I don't know what's going on either, don't group me in." Changbin grunted.

Chan hesitantly approached the bickering pair, and the look Minho now gave him was one of warning. But it was too late. 

"It's all your fault." Han spat at him. 

"Excuse me?" He bit back, not expecting such an outburst from him.

Hyunjin quickly jumped up to try and get between them and explain, "We saw y/n in the cafeteria toda-"

"She isn't coming over this weekend again. And she's not letting me over to hers either. She wants to be alone. I wonder why." Han interrupts, crossing his arms.

The room was eerily quiet. Everyone knew something was up, that much was obvious. The fact that Han was slightly vague though, it gives Chan the idea that the exact details remain relatively private. 

"Is she still here?" Chan whispers through clenched teeth, holding fierce eye contact with Han, but he's getting more daring.

"She's about to leave. YOU," Han pointed to Chan, poking his finger right into his chest, "need to figure your shit out, and stop playing around. Fix. It."

"HAN JISUNG." Minho yells sternly, "You need to stop being so disrespectful. No matter the situation, remember who you're talking to. Let's take a walk." 

He drags Han out of the room, and down the hall.

Chan was left standing there, ears burning and fists trembling at his sides. It was safe to say practice was done early for the day. So he quickly dismissed everyone, and was the first to leave.

He found himself searching for you throughout the building, with no luck. Until the elevator doors opened, he stepped on with his head hung down. So consumed in his own thoughts again, he didn't realize the other person at first. 

When he lifted his head to finally greet them, he was faced with you. You refused to even look at his way, choosing to face straight forward at the exit. 

"Y/n..." He managed to croak out, weakly. 

Silence, still. As soon as the doors opened, you rushed out. He was stuck standing there again. 

It was early Friday night, and you were already wrapped in the blankets on your bed. Aimlessly scrolling and tapping on tiktok, not even really paying attention to any of the videos. 

You weren't used to spending this much time alone, not anymore. You wanted to go see the people who you realized felt like home to you, especially in this foreign country. But you didn't want to deal with the fallout of the oldest. Jiji did beg to come over... You'd been missing him so much. You'd been missing everyone so much, even your co-workers.

Most of the work you do can be done from home, on your personal pc or work laptop. The majority of your co-workers had periods of time where they wouldn't set foot into the building for weeks at a time. You knew it wouldn't be weird to them if you worked from home for a while. So you've been opting to do that, only going into the building if you absolutely needed to.

Until today that is. At nearly 4 in the morning you were cc'd on multiple emails. The constant dinging woke you up. There was a huge issue with a group's new M/V. Footage was corrupted, drafts were deleted, and it had already passed the deadline. They needed all hands on deck. You were in such a rush to come in, you didn't bring any food or drinks with you. You had arrived about an hour after receiving the email, so by the time afternoon rolled around, you needed to get something in your system. Thankfully the major issues had been solved, but now came the fine tuning. You could finish up at home, but truthfully you missed being out and about. Even if it was just at work.

You reluctantly made your way down to the cafeteria, thinking you'd be safe because you know SKZ's schedule for today. You knew they'd be in dance practice. Oh how surprised you were when Jisung nearly tackled you to the ground. He was on you as soon as you came down the stairs to the main level. Your heart hurts when you see the glossy look in his eyes, paired with sadness. Hyunjin was right next to him, trying to pry him off of you and avoid a scene. Instead you pulled him into a group hug, which he eventually accepted, wrapping his arms around the both of you. 

They both badgered you with questions. Asking where you'd been, what happened, if you were mad at them. You were honest with them, and nearly broke down again. You weren't okay. You were hurt, and angry. But you assured them that you weren't angry with any of them, besides one obviously. And even though Jiji didn't bring up Chan exactly, or that night, you did. You started ranting about how stupid you felt for what happened. You've been holding it all in for the longest time, the words were rolling off your tongue effortlessly. 

You could see that at first, Hyunjin was a little shocked and confused. Possibly embarrassed judging by his pink tinted cheeks. But he held your other hand, that Ji wasn't holding, supporting you either way. You couldn't begin to express your appreciation. You'd half expected all the members to know exactly what happened. You also figured they'd side with Chan, and be upset at you for cutting off all contact basically. Considering Hyunjin didn't know what happened, you knew that wasn't the case. Relief washed over you slightly. 

It would be better if less people knew, less people to pick sides. In the grand scheme of things, this was only really between two people. There was no need to involve anyone else directly. On top of that, you'd never ask any of them to pick your side, not only because you know where you'd stand compared to their leader. You also wanted to avoid negative drama, and any arguments that might start with them.

Jisung begged you to come over tonight. Said that they would figure it out, that he would take you to his room even. He tried to make you laugh saying he'd even hang a sign saying 'no Chan's allowed' on his door. But you refused, not wanting to create uneasy tension, or make anyone feel uncomfortable in their own home. 

He then offered to come over and have a night just the two of you, and as tempting as it was, you found yourself wanting to be alone. Your go to method for self soothing was always solitude, even if it wasn't always healthy. 

You could see him deflating the more you denied his offers to spend time together. The anxiety was growing in his eyes. Knowing him, he was fearing that this was the end of your friendship. That simply could never happen.

'Give me just a few more days, and I'll be over it all. I'll be back to normal.'

That's what you told him, but you didn't even know if that was true. Regardless, you refused to lose your best friend over a situation like this.

One thing's for sure, you need to stop isolating. It wasn't helping as much as you convinced yourself it would. Just as you were debating texting Ji that you changed your mind, and to come over. Your phone chimed, and it was Jiji, he texted you first.

You threw the blankets off, opting to keep on your pajama shorts instead of changing. You slid a hoodie on over your cami though, because you refused to put a bra on. 

They're your friends and you know they'd never judge you or your home. Still you tidied up the take out containers, cups, and cans left in your kitchen and living room. You folded your throw blankets, and fluffed up the pillows on your couch. You quickly picked up the clothes strewn across your apartment, and threw them into your room. You'd deal with the laundry later. Lastly, you went to take the garbage out, and as you turned to go back inside, a car drove up and Ji hopped out. He was in a hoodie, with the hood pulled up. He also wore sunglasses, and a black mask. 

"Y/nie!" Ji said and ran up to hug you.

"Long time no see." You joke, wrapping your arms around him. 

Hyunjin was also semi disguising himself, also in a hoodie. He had a baseball cap on, with his hood also up. He covered his eyes with the visor, and wore a black mask as well. He sent off the driver with a thank you and wave.

"Don't tease. It's been an excruciating amount of time. I need to recharge." He said squeezing you tighter.

"Hey y/n." Hyunjin walked up next, carrying bags full of goodies. 

"Hey! Come on, give me those, let's get inside." 

After you lead them in, you guys get comfy in the living room. They brought drinks, and loads of snacks and candy. In no time, you fell into that familiar and comfortable groove of your usual weekend shenanigans. Just a smaller circle this time.

"So," Ji started with his cheeks full of cheesecake, "I got in trouble with Minho." 

"How?!" You giggled. 

"I think Minho saved you actually, the way Chan was looking at you? He needed to get you out of there, you were NOT giving it up." Hyune said. 

"Wait, what happened?" You sat up more, worried now. 

"Tchh, he wouldn't have laid a finger on me." He tried to act confidently, but the way he rubbed his hands together told a different story.

"You guys fought?!" You gasped.

When Ji said nothing, and avoided your eyes, Hyune decided to speak up.

"They've been fighting. Mostly silently. You know, avoiding each other, sending the other looks and glares. But some days Hannie can't keep his mouth shut."

You gave Ji a stern look, and he just swallowed his cake.

"Anyways," Ji said, clearly trying to get the subject off of Chan, "Minho was so angry with me. I got scolded so much, I nearly cried."

"Well, yelling at Chan in front of the entire group probably wasn't the smartest thing to do..." Hyune mumbled.

Suddenly, concern washed over you. Surprisingly for Chan. You couldn't help it when the words just slipped out.

"So... how is Chan?" You attempted to sound nonchalant, stuffing your mouth with a brownie immediately afterwards.

They were both staring at you, unsure of how to answer. 

"He's... tense. I get something clearly happened between you two, but I don't know exactly what's up. He seems angry, and lashes out at people verbally... But he's sad too, he's been attempting to hide away from everyone too." Hyune says. 

"He has no reason to be angry." Ji snaps.

"Ji..." You say, "You should stop being so hostile to him. He didn't do anything to you..." 

Damn that soft spot in your heart, even when you've been completely devastated by him, you're sitting here defending him. 

He gave you the stern look now, "No. But he did something to hurt you. He's acting like a god damn fuck boy, and I always knew him to be better than that. I've never seen you like this! He made you stop visiting us, you even stopped talking to me throughout the day. He created a divide. And I'm sorry to be selfish, but whether or not it was done to me, it still affected me too!"

The anguish in his voice shot through your chest, creating that god awful sinking feeling. He was right, but still... it wasn't only Chan that held the blame. You were guilty of your own actions. You never should've pushed any of them away, especially Hanji.

"Okay, I have to ask. What the hell happened, it seems like he did something really bad." Hyunjin finally asked, worry written all over his face.

Ji refused to look up from his cheesecake, he was now just mashing it up angrily on his plate. 

"I like Chan." You blurted out, "Well, I liked him. I still like him? I'm trying to get over him though. But it's proving to be more difficult than I thought, so maybe it's more than me just having a crush. I don't know. It feels ridiculous to have such big emotions towards him, considering we struggle to even hold a conversation. I know nothing substantial about him, and I'm sure it's vice-versa. But the last time I was over... We ended up... halfway hooking up in the hall? But he stopped. And he looked at me like I was crazy. Like he forgot who I was, and like... like he was disgusted that it was me he was touching." You started rambling now. 

"And I mean I get it. I'm me, nothing special. We were drunk, and I'm sure with the way we were feeling, it could've just been chalked up to hormones on overdrive. But... I really thought he was reciprocating my feelings. I feel so stupid, to put that much value into sex. It's just sex. And it didn't even happen! I don't know. It just hurt, it still hurts. The regret in his eyes, that stung so bad. Because I didn't regret it, fuck, I don't regret it... I'm just so angry. I can't seem to move on from this."

They both sat listening to you, as tears began to well in your eyes. Ji pulled you into him, your head resting on his chest. Your arm rested on top of his stomach, the other sliding between his back and the couch. He was carding his fingers through your hair, and scratching your scalp lightly, like he knew you liked.

"Stop talking down on yourself. I don't like seeing you tear yourself down with lies." Ji mumbled.

"I'm sorry you're going through this... Have you two... talked at all?" Hyunjin asked.

"No. I'm trying to avoid that. I already got my heart ripped out once, I don't want to go through it again." You nearly sobbed, thinking back to how he approached you in the elevator. All he said was your name, but his voice was filled with such strong emotions that you couldn't decipher. You'd just assumed it was still regret, and ran out of there as fast as you could. 

Hyunjin rubbed your knee comfortingly, "But maybe talking would help... I'm not trying to make excuses for him. He should've spoken up at that point, offered some sort of explanation or reassurance, something. That's on him for not opening his mouth, you'd obviously be confused about the whole thing. I don't know if you're interested in fixing things and talking it out, or even remaining friends with him. Regardless, I feel like some sort of closure would help you and help him. And unfortunately that does involve talking it out."

You nodded your head, "It probably would, but I don't feel like I'm ready. You didn't see his eyes. I can't handle it if he looks at me like that again." You whispered the next sentence, "I don't want anyone to look at me that way again. "

"I don't think Chan would ever be disgusted by you, I mean judging by the looks some of us have caught him giving you. He definitely finds you attractive, as he should." He smirked, making you give a breathy laugh through the tears, "Frankly, I'm shocked that you were even interested in him. I mean have you seen me?" He gestured to his face dramatically, turning from side to side and gave a few poses.

You and Ji both chuckled at him.

 "Or Felix? Even Innie lately is growing more into his features! Why not one of us?!" He nudged your leg with a laugh.

"HEY! If anyone gets to date my Jagi, it's obviously me. We'll be two hot, married best friends who suffer in abstinence, because we can't bring ourselves to consummate the marriage." Ji suddenly slurs, holding onto you tighter. 

Yeah, he was a little too quiet there for too long, the alcohol must've hit him.

You burst out laughing, and shove him away from you, "Gross Jiji!" 

"And thank you Hyune, but I feel like that can't be true. Even if he has checked me out, that's superficial. I mean we're human, we can feel a basic level of attraction to someone we see for only 2 seconds, and never get to see them again. When I say I like him, it's more than just a physical relationship. I know it's illogical, for so many reasons. Like I said, I barely even know him. There's been no attempt to even get on the same level, like how I know the rest of you. We barely talked, we had that huge argument, and he's always kept some distance from me... there's always been a detachment. So for me to want to be with him, even after all the signs of him wanting nothing to do with me? It's insane. He could never want that, could never want me. Not beyond a quick fuck apparently. And he couldn't even go through with that..."

You know you're starting to sound repetitive and bitter, and a little pathetic. But damn it, this hurts. And these thoughts were consuming your mind in a vicious continual cycle. 

Hyunjin just hummed, neither agreeing or disagreeing, "You know you can't help emotions y/n, they're borderline instinctual. Especially love, and I'm not saying you're in love with him, but to care for someone? That passion? It's got to count for some kind of love. It's such a powerful feeling, we have no control over it, it's humorlessly funny like that." 

You were listening to him talk intently, he was so poetic. Maybe it was the fact you were a little tipsy, but you were thinking that he should write more songs. More love songs specifically. 

"If we could control it, there'd be much less heartbreak in the world I think. Unrequited love wouldn't exist... With that in mind though, there'd be a lot less love overall. I mean think about it, love almost always comes with some sort of eventual pain. There'd be many people who'd just opt out altogether..." He paused for a moment before continuing, "And never discount things as impossible, everything is possible. I'm not saying this to try to give you hope or destroy your hope. I'm not saying this to persuade you either. I'm just saying sometimes things aren't so black and white. Grey exists too, and it's a pretty beautiful shade if you ask me. I think you should talk to him about it." He finished

You nodded and offered a smile, "Maybe I should, and thank you."

You gestured for him to join you and Ji on the couch, and he rested against you. His head on your shoulder, creating a momentary cuddle pile, with you sandwiched in the middle.

You were so grateful to these boys, helping to piece you back together when you felt so broken. And over something seemingly insignificant to most. Ji was physically comforting you, and Hyune was comforting you mentally and emotionally. He just seemed to understand the world on a different level, able to see perspectives that might not always be clear to most. His mind was a beautiful place, and you felt honored that he let you in. You both formed a special bond tonight, similar yet completely different to you and Ji.

And, oh Ji... he wasn't getting off scot free.

"And you," You looked up to Ji, who was looking down at you wide eyed, "You need to apologize for your behavior with Chan. I understand you want to protect me, and I love you for that. Immensely. But he's your leader. He's done and sacrificed so much for you and your members. I'm sure no one knows what's going through his head. Stop giving him such a hard time... I'll figure out a solution with him eventually... even if it's just practicing being civil with each other. For now, try not to take things out on him. I'm sorry I stopped coming around. That fault lies completely on me, and it was petty. I won't avoid anyone anymore, so promise me you'll apologize. And that means as soon as you see him!"

He looked at you, processing your words before answering, "...fine. But seriously... don't go dark on me again, Jagiya." He said quietly. 

You smiled, and snuggled up closer to him, "I won't, my poor baby."

The three of you continued chatting, catching up on all the crazy things you missed out on. Apparently a lot can happen in two weeks. You were angry you missed out on a weekend camping trip. Apparently they all had gotten so drunk, except Chan. And I.N. kept threatening to hit people with his shoe. They informed you that Chan was very quiet on the trip. He kept to himself mostly, and binge ate ice cream instead of sharing a drink with the rest. 

You couldn't get your mind off Hyunjin's words. Chan has been watching you? The amount of time you spent checking him out, you'd figured if that were true you would have noticed. Maybe he was sneakier than you thought. Then again, that night your eyes did meet more than once or twice... You kept catching him looking at you. Maybe what Hyune said was true.

You were stuffed, full of candy and sweets. And also a little tipsy. It was getting late. Close to an hour later, you sent them home in a rideshare, telling them both to text you when they get home. Then you made sure to text Minho, alerting him of exactly how drunk Han was, and apologizing. You knew he'd be the one stuck taking care of him, if there's anyone who loves Ji as much as you, it's Minho. He might love him even more, having known him for much longer than you did. If the boys didn't have such a busy schedule this week, you'd be able to have Ji and Jinnie spend the night and take care of them yourself. 

A weight was lifted off your shoulders, and you silently cursed yourself for hiding yourself away for so long. You always did that, and it never ended well. You really were thankful to Ji, you don't know what you'd do without him.

That night, you felt yourself drifting off to sleep quicker, easier. But even as slumber was pulling you in, Chan was still on your mind. 

Chan was sitting on the couch with Minho, having been forced out of his room and pushed to socialize. He hadn't done much, he was in his thoughts again. Occasionally entertaining the others with curt responses and short conversations here and there. They seemed to just be happy with his presence, and he was thankful for that.

Jisung and Hyunjin had gone to your house, and the unknown made him feel uneasy. He was happy though, because that meant you weren't cutting everyone off, you weren't done with the entire group, you were staying in their lives.

Everyone but the man that fucked up it would seem. Still, he felt relief. He wouldn't forgive himself if he was the cause of a valuable friendship lost for everyone.

The rest of the members had gone to sleep by now, but he and Minho were waiting for the two younger members to arrive home. You had texted Minho saying they were on their way back, and to take care of them as they were drunk. Jisung especially. 

He was wondering what was taking them so long, and he could tell Minho had some worry too. His leg shaking up and down. Then, as if on cue, Hyunjin bursts through the door. He has Hannie in his grasp, pulling him along as he tries to resist entering the dorm.

Hyune mumbled, "C'mon. You promised her." 

He started to feel flushed, and hot. What does that mean?

He gave Hannie a push towards Chan, and Minho gave a worried look to both of them. He was expecting the worst. Jisung was staring at his feet, playing with his fingers and biting his lip. 

Chan didn't think he could feel more disheartened than he already was, but it was apparently possible. Staring at Hannie in front of him, he looked so defeated. What had happened at your house?

Finally he looked up to Chan. And Chan was sure his face mirrored the younger ones anxiety. 

Then Han started tearing up, "I'm sorry Channie-hyung!" He wailed, and collapsed into Chan's arms. 

Chan was shocked, but he just held him close, and softly shushed him, trying to comfort him. He was trying to offer understanding and his own apologies. But Jisung ignored it babbled on, recanting his negative actions and harsh words. Chan respected the fact that he was apologizing, but he already knew why he had said the things he said. Why he had done the things he did. In fact, he held a sense of pride towards Hanji for it. It wasn't easy for him to stand up to Chan. And while, yes, he was being inappropriate from a certain viewpoint, he expected nothing less from the boy trying to protect his best friend. He couldn't be angry with him about that fact.

If anything he just felt more guilty that he had to protect you from Chan at all.

He continued slurring, stuttering, and sniffling in between talking. His words were barely coherent at this point, but Chan did catch one sentence.

"I thought I was losing her forever because of that night..."

Chan never felt more disappointed in himself, his entire being crumpled. Not only did he hurt you, he hurt Han. He's hurt the other members who grew to care for you just as much as he did. He never intended to hurt anyone, and instead he hurt many. It was all his fault.

With the help of Minho, they dragged Han to bed. Minho stayed with him, tucking him in, then getting him water and paracetamol for the morning. Minho stated he'd be spending the night in Han's room, just in case he was going to be sick. So Chan went out to check on Hyunjin, hoping he wasn't as inebriated but expecting as much. He found him in the kitchen, a bottle of water in one hand and a chip bag in the other.

"You feeling okay, Hyunjin?"

"Yeah, I didn't have as much as Han did..." He trailed off, "Neither did y/n." He was eyeing Chan as he continued, a glint in his eye while he said it.

Chan just nodded and kept silent, knowing he was trying to get at something. And it didn't feel like it was anything but teasing. Hyunjin wasn't having that though, he never did when people ignored what he had to say.

"Y/n made Han apologize you know," He started as he opened his chips, "I mean we both know he would've eventually. But she made him promise he would apologize as soon as he saw you."

That piqued his interest somewhat. He didn't view you as a mean person, but he figured you wouldn't mind seeing him distressed due to Han. In fact when he was standing in front of him, he was sure that he was about to get cussed out. By order of you, maybe. Considering Hyune said that Han promised you something. He wouldn't blame you, he deserved it after all.

But no. You were continuing to be your kind and sweet self. Even towards the person who upset you. He was confused.

"Why?" Chan finally whispered, more to himself than Hyune. 

"I believe her words were, 'he's done and sacrificed so much for you' and 'no one knows what's going through his head'. So she suggested that he, well more like intimidated him, to apologize." He said while dipping his hand into the bag of chips, "It was cute, really. She was almost... protective." 

With that he popped a chip in his mouth, and went off to bed, leaving Chan dumbstruck in the kitchen yet again.

His heart was thumping in his ears, unsure of how to interpret those words. But they meant something, right? Hyunjin was a tease, sure, but he must know what happened. He wasn't just teasing about this? Surely he wouldn’t go to that extent.

'No one knows what's going through his head.' 

You were right. No one knows. You don't know. He needed to talk to you, he needed to let you know. He needed to let you in, even if it was hard.

Suddenly he felt hope again. It was small and shriveled, but alive. He was sure with enough care and nourishment, something precious could bloom from it. 

The week flew by, and now it was nearing the weekend again. Things almost felt normal. You had returned to the office regularly, no longer working from home. Your time with Ji had gone back to normal, Jinnie often tagging along now. And the other members were glad you had started showing up again too. Everyone was excited to recommence the late night antics at their dorm tonight.

You couldn't help but notice Chan seemed relieved too, a little too relieved. Even though you clearly gave him the cold shoulder. It didn't seem to bother him. You obviously have an idea of why his attitude towards you changed drastically, but what you don't have an idea of is what his goal is. You can't necessarily say he's acting as if nothing had happened anymore, because of his new demeanors. But he still hasn't mentioned anything to you directly. His gall was starting to irritate you. His mixed signals were angering you. 

If you were to think logically and assume, maybe in his head, he had been attempting some sort of effort to 'fix' things. But you tried to shut it down every single time, still unsure of his reasoning. Because he still never brought up that night, and was acting as if nothing happened at all. As if his reasoning for trying to be more friendly didn't exist. It was ridiculous. 

Before that night, it was always you making sure to greet him first, you striking up small talk, you trying to crack jokes with him. All small and simple gestures, but gestures nonetheless. If only to keep things polite and civil. The tables seemed to have turned, and now he was initiating it all. In front of others you were short with him, but made sure to still be polite. There was a deeper detachment than before, and it didn't go unnoticed by the others either. Though they kept their mouths shut, only eyeing the interactions between you two. 

In your head you figured that he'd get the hint and stop trying so hard at whatever it was he was trying at. You hoped it would trigger a conversation about that night finally. It got to the point where it started to create an awkward vibe in the presence of the others. But no, he still wouldn't stop. He just amped it up, and now the dynamic was once again changing. 

He'd figured out the exact times you would take your breaks, and would manage to catch you before anyone else could. When you stepped off the elevator, he'd be waiting for you with a smile, and offer to buy you a snack. You'd decline, instead opting to take a small walk and stretch your legs. When you get back to your desk you'd find your favorite cookies on them, or your favorite candy bar, or your favorite drink from the vending machine. They were always wrapped nicely or bagged with a bow, with a note attached. It usually reads something like, 'don't forget to eat today! --Channie'. 

You would always hand them out to your co-workers, or offer the singular items to your office bestie, before crumpling the note and throwing it out. 

He'd taken to somehow always being there to hold a door open for you. Or trying to hold your bags when he caught you using the stairs instead of the elevator, actively trying to avoid him. Or when you were helping staff move the camera equipment from room to room, he'd try to take the load off your hands. It always ended in you snapping at him in a whisper. And him furrowing his brows like he didn't understand what he did wrong.

It's not that his actions were wrong, actually. They were the opposite, but why? Why was he doing all this, when he never did before. He was putting all this effort into acts of service, when all you wanted to do was talk. It was hard for you to bring it up, especially when he was acting so sweet yet pissing you off at the same time. 

You should've realized it'd be hard for him to bring it up too, but you didn't. Because of that, there was the Wednesday incident. 

You were heading home for the day, not having had a run in with Chan all day, and unsure how to feel about it. You were almost out the door when you heard heavy footsteps coming towards you from across the lobby, and your stomach twisted. 

Chan.

"Hey! Wait!" He said with a smile, "I'll walk you to your car." 

You'd had enough at that point. You rolled your eyes, and continued out the door. But you knew he'd catch up anyways. 

As his pace aligned with yours, he kept talking, "Sorry I couldn't catch you at all today, it was a busy one. It still is, I think I'll be stuck in the studio all night. Han too, we finally figured out the ho--"

"Chan!" You cut him off, "Really? What makes you think I'm in the mood to talk to you? What makes you think I was waiting for your presence at all? You don't need to apologize for being busy. We're at work. We're working. It's what we do." You spat out, more abrasive than you've ever been to him. 

He looked at you wide eyed, and you felt something akin to guilt pang in your chest. Immediately you ignored it, and kept walking. Only for him to latch onto your arm gently. 

"I don't understand." He said, discouragement lacing his voice. "I'm trying to... trying to--" 

"Trying to what? What exactly is it that you're trying to do? Because I can't figure it out. You're being so hot and cold, you went from one extreme to the other. I don't know how to decipher that."

"I just want things to go back to being okay again! I want us to be normal again." He said exasperated. 

"Okay?!" You chuckled, "Normal? Our normal was borderline avoiding each other, which I am keeping up with very well, thank you. Our normal was talking to each other out of necessity. Our normal was little to no interaction, unless we're in a group. Whatever you're trying at, it's not our normal!" You shouted.

"No, what I mean is-" but you cut him off again, too heated to think logically.

"Our normal definitely didn't include me against a wall, and your fingers inside me and around my throat. THAT is not our normal. And I know it made things uncomfortable. And I know you regret it. But how can you expect things to go back to being whatever you think 'okay' is, if we haven't even talked about it?" You took a second to suck air into your lungs that seemed to be burning with rage. 

"Instead you talk to me like that night never happened, and then you behave as if we've been best friends forever. You act as if that behavior, whatever your reason for it, isn't influenced by that night. You talk to me about things we never talked about before. We never caught up on how each other's day was, we never checked in with each other to make sure the other ate, we never took breaks together to get coffee or a snack and chat. You're expecting me to be the same as you, and ignore what happened. But I can't Chan, I can't do it. All I want is closure, instead it feels almost like I'm being led on. Before that happened, I was insignificant to your life. Our only connection being Ji! Then... then in an instant everything changed and then it changed again. It's confusing Chan. I'm lost here." 

The tears were brimming in your eyes, and his ears were the brightest red you've ever seen. The flush went to his cheeks, and down his neck, and the grip he had on your arm was trembling. He started to open his mouth again, but you were quick to stop him. You felt like all he would give you right now is excuses, and you weren't ready to hear that.

"Please, Chan. I'm the one who's trying. I'm trying to move past it, like you seem to want to. But it's harder for me. When I feel like this, all I want to do is go home and hide. I can't do that though, not again. I'm trying to be civil. I'm trying to be polite, for the sake of everyone in our lives. But you keep pushing for some sort of friendship we never had..." You felt the dampness on your cheeks now, and before you knew it, your last sentence slipped through, "And did it ever occur to you that I wanted more than a simple friendship?" 

At that he let your arm fall, and he took in a shaky breath. You figured now was the time he would say something, but he seemed frozen. Then he spoke in a soft tone.

"I'm so sorry y/n, I promise I can explain..."

That was it, your heart started to ache at the thought of his words. You weren't ready to be rejected again. So you rubbed your cheeks, one at a time, swiping the tears away and sniffling. He reached towards you again, stepping closer, but you stepped back. 

"I need to go."

And you left. You got in your car, and you held it all in. The whole drive home, you refused to let yourself process any of the conversation. Which in reality was less of a conversation, and more you blowing up on Chan. 

It wasn't until you stepped through your door that you sunk to the floor, back against your front door and started sobbing. You let it all out. The guilt for yelling at him. The despair over the rejection, that never left your heart. The embarrassment over the entire situation and how you were acting. Your unjust, pure anger. It all just came out in tears. You couldn't stop them, your only focus was on breathing when you could. 

You didn't know how long you stayed like that, hugging your knees and bawling your eyes out. But the sound of keys jingling, and the pressure of the door pushing against your back, is what snapped you out of that grief stricken daze.

"Oh, Jagiya..." You registered Hans voice as you stood up to move, you forgot you gave him keys to your place.

He scooped you into his chest, squeezing you tight. You held onto him, just as firm. 

"Wait..." You were confused, Chan said they both would be late in the studio, "What are you doing here?"

He pulled back and scanned your face as you sniffled. He sighs, and leads you into your kitchen, wetting a towel and dabbing at your puffy eyes and cheeks before drying them. Once you seemed to be in a pacified state, he continued. 

"An unintelligent kangaroo I happen to know, told me I should head home early and check on you. He seems to be more intelligent than I thought." He tried to make light of the situation, but guilt bubbled up in you once again. 

"Wanna talk about what happened?" He offered. 

And so you word vomited at him. Retelling the whole scene word for word, since the words were mostly your own. He listened, nodding when necessary, and humming in agreement to some parts. When you were done, you looked at him and waited. 

He was looking down with his arms crossed, leaning against your kitchen counter. He looked deep in thought. 

"Well?" You said desperately. 

"Well, I think it's good one of you finally broke the ice on it. You got it off your chest, you said what you needed to. Yeah, maybe you were rude. But now the door to talk about it finally was opened. However, maybe you should've heard him out. Seems like he could barely get a word in edgewise. If I know you when you're angry, which I do, I know you never planned on letting him speak. You always have to have the last word, my little attack chihuahua."

Then he poked your forehead, "Stubborn. Defensive. Both of you." 

You groaned, "I know, I know. I'm already beating myself up over it." 

"When will either of you learn? You don't need to beat yourself up over it, you just need to communicate. You missed your opportunity today, but that doesn't mean all hope is lost. I know he really wants to talk to you."

"Talk again?" You scrunch your face at the idea, even while knowing it had to happen.

"Apologize, is more like it." He retorted. 

Your face dropped, but you knew he was right. 

"Hey, you made me do it. And it was the right thing to do. Like you said, no matter how angry I am, I needed to apologize. The same rules apply to you... Plus I've been hesitant to say this but..."

"What?"

"If he wanted to stop in the middle of it all, he had every right to. I know it hurts but, no means no, you know?" 

Guilt flooded your veins yet again, are you really coming across as some sort of hostile person after facing a rejection? You suppose it was half right, which made you feel disappointed in yourself. You were no better than the men who throw tantrums when women reject them. In your mind though, you were more upset at ignoring it all. 

"I know that, and currently I'm not angry because sex didn't happen. I'm angry because I don't understand why it almost happened, and I want an explanation. I just want to know why he was so cold to me the entire time before it happened, and why he tried to act like nothing happened and was friendlier to me afterwards. If he wanted to stop because he changed his mind and wasn't feeling it, that's fine. But he could've said that, I'd be hurt because I like him so much, but I'd get over it. Why I'm upset now is because I don't like the mixed signals. I don't like the unknown. I want closure."

"To get closure you have to talk to him y/n, you avoid him just as much as he used to avoid you. Now that he's stopped, you're still avoiding him. And acting kind of rude to him, we've all seen it. The fake smiles don't really hide the contempt in your eyes. You're always valid in your emotions always, but I've recently learned that it's the reaction that you are held responsible for. That goes for him too, even though his reactions may not be as hostile as yours. His reaction of ignoring it, is just as hurtful to you. But... I have a feeling if you hear him out, you'll get your closure." 

Again, you knew he was right about it all. You knew you had been bitter and immature about the entire situation. You paced for a moment, thinking about how you could even apologize to him. He'd been trying to fix things, and talk just like you wanted. Why have you held on to all that anger for so long? You were in the wrong too, more so than he was. You needed to apologize quickly.

"Just take the night to process and decompress. You'll have plenty of opportunities to talk with him, especially since his mission in life lately is just that. Again, we've all noticed it, he can't seem to leave you alone."

"Do you know what he's up to?" You squint your eyes at Ji suspiciously. 

"He won't tell anyone exactly why he's doing what he's doing. But I have my own speculations, which I won't be sharing because I'm not trying to meddle and put ideas in your head. After talking with him a bit tonight, I don't think he's aiming to hurt you, that's for sure." 

You sighed again, and nodded. 

"Now. Dinner and comfort anime? I'm thinking.... Nana?" 

"God, yes please. I need a distraction from realizing how much of an asshole I was. That I was actually the one starting issues." You groan, and you both plop down the couch and start to order food. 

Ji went home half an hour ago, and you're now staring at your phone. Debating the text you typed up to Chan. Your finger was hovering over the send button. It would be better to apologize in person, but you weren't sure you could face him without some sort of emotional outburst anymore. It was something you needed to work on. So maybe smoothing things over through text before you spoke with him would help.  

You read it over one last time... God you sounded too professional, like you were talking to your boss. You hit send anyway, you weren't going to come up with anything better to say. You put your phone down, only for it to buzz a minute later.

Good... things are starting to get better. Or so you thought. 

You didn't see him at all on Thursday, nor spoke to him. You didn't see Jiji either, but he confirmed through text that Chan had been cooped up with him in the studio. You felt bad, knowing you probably added more stress to their jobs. Especially considering Ji ditched work yesterday to comfort you. 

Now it was Friday, and they were back at work in the studio again. Hyunjin was over yours because he finished up early, the both of you were just hanging out. Waiting for everyone else to get out. The nine of you were recommencing weekend get togethers.

"You should bring them food." Hyunjin, who was currently laying across your couch suggested.

He could sense your anxiety, constantly checking your phone for the time. He knew you wanted to talk to Chan, finally.

"I don't want to interrupt them, I already did that yesterday." You mumbled.

"Tch, like either of them would really view you as an interruption. They'd be elated."

"Ji? Yes, yes he would. You know things are weird between me and Chan though." You whined.

"Mmm, but this could be your chance to fix it." He suggested in a sing-song voice. 

You actually debated it, but you didn't want to prolong his work tonight by stealing time for a conversation. A most likely lengthy conversation. 

You looked at the clock, still debating and wondering if you had time. When you saw the time you realized it was much later than you thought. 

"Shit, forget food. We're going to be late." 

Hyunjin glanced at the time and nodded, "Alright, let's head to mine."

You grabbed your keys and headed for the door, Hyunjin followed and soon you both were in the car on the way to the dorm. 

Once you got there, and Hyunjin let you in, you realized everyone was already here, judging by the pile of shoes. It seemed, the majority were getting cleaned up and changed into fresh clothes. 

"I'm going to change too! I need to get out these jeans and into something comfier. Just make yourself at home!" He said while heading to his bedroom. 

You sat on the couch and started scrolling on your phone. You were laughing at a funny video when you heard someone walking down the hall. Of course Chan is the first to finish, and he decides to join you on the couch. He takes the seat next to you, like right next to you. 

"Um... Do you have to sit so close?" You say in the softest voice you could manage.

Remember. Stay level headed, no snapping, no meltdown, no blow ups. Don't yell. 

He looks at you a bit defeated, and moves to the other end of the couch. 

You sigh. Things were still touchy. It can't keep continuing on like this, it's too uncomfortable for you both. You have to apologize and make amends. It's now or never, but he speaks before you the chance. 

"Y/n. Is now a good time to talk?" He says in a serious tone, with a stern look on his face. 

You tense under his gaze, and your stomach feels like it's sinking. Was he that mad at you? You kind of understand why though. 

"S-sure." You stuttered.

His eyes darkened, tongue poking his cheek. He's getting shifty now, and glancing down the hallway.

 "Do you mind if we talk in private?" 

You suppose it would be even more uncomfortable if someone else happened across you two discussing this. So when he stands up and heads towards his room, you follow him into it. 

His room was neat. You'd never been in it before, and sure, you've seen the live streams. But it was a very different feeling, seeing it through a screen versus being inside it. 

He sits on his bed, and pats the spot next to him for you to sit. You opt for leaning against the door, arms crossed in front of you. You were feeling defensive still, and didn't want to push your limits. It was his turn to sigh now, as he hung his head.

"Y/n I meant it when I said I'm really tryi--"

"Can I say something first... and then I promised I won't interrupt you again."

He just nods, with his tongue poking his cheek again. You know you're pushing his buttons, but you felt you needed to apologize before anything. Now you decided to sit next to him, twisting your torso to face him. And he did the same to face you. 

"I'm sorry for the way I acted. It was incredibly childish." You sighed, "I know you had every right to change your mind, and I shouldn't have gotten so angry over it. I never meant to act so toxic towards you. I should've just accepted the fact that you wanted to stop and moved on. But the truth is... I've liked you for a while now. So when that happened, in my head, I took it as you reciprocating my feelings. Which doesn't make any sense, because you never knew of my feelings.”

Chan snorted a bit, trying to conceal a laugh.

“Then when you stopped, paired with the look on your face, it felt like you realized you made a mistake doing that with me. You looked like you were disgusted. Which I promise you, I now totally understand if that's the case. But it still hurt me... regardless, I shouldn't have reacted the way I did. So again, I'm sorry. I truly am. I hope you can forgive me." You managed to get it all out clearly, with a steady tone. 

He was staring at you with a thoughtful look on his face, soaking in your words, processing. Then he smirked, and that was the last thing you expected. 

"I guess you were acting a little bratty." He chuckled a bit. 

Then he reached for your hand, putting his on top of yours. You felt the fluttering in your stomach at his simple action. But you flipped your hand over anyways, palm up and letting him hold it.

"But y/n, you've got it all wrong, and it's partly my fault." He started, and your eyebrows furrowed, a look of confusion falling on your face.

"I like you too," he squeezed your hand gently, and it was oddly comforting, "The reason I stopped is because I didn't want you to think that all I wanted from you was sex. Because I want so much more." 

Were you dreaming? Is he really confessing right now? Even after how horrible you were towards him?

"I know the way I acted before doesn't exactly translate to me having feelings for you." He continued, "The truth is I was too scared to confess, until that night. The liquor gave me that extra boost of confidence, and you just... looked so beautiful. And the game we played, and catching you look my way multiple times. It almost confirmed to me that you wanted me too. Because I wanted you then and there. So when I saw you in the hallway, I thought it was my chance. But I let the lust take over."

Heat started to spread in your lower stomach at his words, and he kept going. 

"I wanted to do things the proper way. I wanted to confess, and ensure that you knew I was serious about you, and not a fling. I wanted to take you out on dates, and properly ask you to be mine. I should have just said it all that night. I got scared again though, and just froze. And I know the way I was acting right after was confusing, I didn't mean to give you mixed signals."

Your head was spinning with all the information he was sharing, it truly felt like you were in a daydream. Then you found your voice again.

"It felt like you were disgusted with me." You whispered, "And then you were acting so nonchalant about the whole thing, as if it never happened. I guess I was assuming things."

He cupped your cheek, and comfortingly rubbed his thumb against it

"I could never be disgusted by you, love."

You had to resist a shiver at him calling you that pet name.

"I wanted us both to be sober too. That's why I idiotically told you to drink water, and rest. And the next morning, I was so nervous because you were rushing to leave. You had tears in your eyes, I said the first thing to pop into my head. I was hoping to talk about everything that morning. But then you walked out the door, and I felt like I had no right to stop you.  Then Hannie was so mad at me, you stopped coming around. I felt like I fucked everything up and I lost all hope for a while." He sounded distraught.

“Until Hannie argued with me, yelling at me to fix things. He outright put the entire blame on me, and he did this in front of everyone. So that experience paired with your disappearance from our lives, especially Hannies life. He was so lost without you, I knew I had to try and fix it right away. I had been wanting to, I was just so unsure how to go about it. But Han's words pushed me to just go for it."

You took the opportunity to scoot closer to him, side by side now. He threw his arm around your waist. 

"The elevator... ugh. I was just so hurt, I was so sure that you were going to come up with excuses, try to let me down easy. I was terrified of the rejection. I had no idea, I'm sorry."

"Stop apologizing, we were both a little clueless about everything."

"I guess we were just a little stupid, huh?" You laughed.

He chuckled, "Just a bit."

"Then when Hyunjin happened to mention something, that's when I fully had hope again. So I tried to approach you, and be friendly, and get you snacks. I tried to help you out at work when I could. I was still unsure of how to bring it up to you." He admitted.

You felt so ashamed, "And then I went and yelled at you. I didn't even let you speak, ugh. I'm so sorry." 

"Again with the apologizing," He chuckled, "I told you, we were just confused about it. There was a lot of miscommunication... when we did talk anyways."

"I know, I was feeling and throwing mixed signals. All I wanted the entire time was to talk about it. Yet, I tried to avoid you at all costs. It doesn't exactly make sense. God, I was so... so childish."

"You were feisty is what you were. And I'm sure you still are." He joked.

You giggled. It was unbelievable how understanding he was. It was more shocking how wrong you were about his feelings. You had completely misconstrued everything. Assuming the worst. You couldn't be happier about being so wrong.

Nuzzling into his chest, and wrapping your arm around his torso, had him humming contently. But then you thought of what he said earlier. 

"What did Hyunjin say...?"

He cleared his throat, "When you made Hannie apologize to me, Jin said that you were acting almost protective over me. It made me think that I had a chance of proving my feelings for you."

"So that's the true reason why you were so friendly, and constantly getting me things and trying to help me out. You were lowkey trying to confess.” You looked up to him smiling.

He was blushing now, "Yeah, but I realize I was still doing things a little out of order. I'm terrible at communicating I guess." 

"Channie..." you said for the first time, and his blush got deeper, "I know it means a lot to you to do things traditionally. And I appreciate the effort you put in to accomplish that. But to me, it doesn't matter as much. We could've figured everything out afterwards." You said softly, and he was smiling down at you. 

"I guess I should catch up to the modern age." He joked. 

"Never! You prove that chivalry isn't dead. I love that you're a romanticist. Don't change." You laughed, "And... the communication problems? That's something we can both work on. I need to fix that in me too."

You felt him tense, and he caught your chin between his fingers, pushing you to look up at him further. You felt the warmth of his breathing spread across your face, he had that same look on his face as when he leant in to kiss you that night. Wetness was now pooling in your panties, and you had to resist clenching your thighs together. He was so in tune with your body language, and he caught it last time. You're sure he would notice again. You didn't want him to think you were rushing him into sex.

"So... does that mean you want to give us a go?" He was so serious when he said it, you could see the glint of excitement in his eyes though. 

"Of course, it's a dream come true." You smiled at him.

He was quick to bring his lips to yours, kissing you sweetly, softly. You sighed into the kiss, and felt like you were melting into him as you turned your body towards him more. You brought your hands up, one resting on the side of his neck, the other on his shoulder. He brought his other hand to the back of your head, and combed his fingers into your curls. 

He pulled you closer, deepening the kiss, licking your bottom lip. Your tongue met his, and soon you were wrestling against his for dominance. He started leaning you back against his bed, adjusting himself on top of you, knees on either side of your thighs. His hands roamed your body and he never broke away from your lips. You were nearly panting into his mouth, giving up and allowing him to explore your mouth. Your hands clutching his shirt like it would save you. The kiss was messy, downright sloppy, and you loved it. You were both desperate for this.

You wanted to imprint his touch into your mind. Every area he grazed made you feel tingly all over. Your entire body was oversensitive for him. You'd never felt like this with anyone else. 

Then he was playing with the hem of your shirt, his fingers grazing your stomach. You mewled at that, and he groaned. It was so high pitched it nearly sounded like a whimper. 

"Please... I still want you." He whispered against your lips. 

You were breathing heavy, chest heaving. You couldn't help it when your hips bucked up, letting yourself get consumed by lust, "Yes, god yes. I need you."

He re-positioned himself, lowering his body onto yours and letting his hips grind into you. You could feel his length against you through his shorts, and you whined. Even this felt like ecstasy, he almost made you cum last time from dry humping. He was so skilled at making sure you got friction exactly where you needed it. It was driving you feral. 

His lips attached to your neck, kissing, sucking, and biting his way down to your chest. His hand groped your breast, kneading it. Then he rolled over, flipping your position, so you were on top of him. It was your turn to grind your hips, your core rubbing directly on his erection. He threw his head back, mouth hanging open. His hands gripped your waist, helping you move against him. 

Things felt less rushed this time around. It felt like all time stopped, and the only thing that existed in the world was you and him. You wanted to be lost in this passion with him forever. The high he made you feel, made your head all hazy with desire. 

"Fuck..." He whispered as he looked up at you, seeing how fucked out you looked already. 

His hands slipped underneath your shirt, pulling it up. You took the hint and ripped it off, unclasping your bra afterwards. 

You had to admit, you felt your face flush again, at being exposed to him. But he soon wiped the thought from your mind, leaning up and placing soft kisses all over your chest. He kissed up to your collar bones, he kissed each mound, kissed in between them, he even kissed your nipples so gently. 

You were learning he was a tease.

One hand was kneading your breast again, the other braced against your back. Then his lips closed around one of your nipples, and his hot tongue swirled around it. His hand now playing with the other. Pinching, flicking, and rubbing. He braced the hand against your back, pushing you into him more, while he sucked your nipple harshly. You whimpered, and your hips started rolling against him again.

He pulled off with a pop, and mumbled "I could worship these tits love, all of you is so gorgeous."

His words made you blush, and then he pushed you onto your back again. He clearly wasn't scared to manhandle you at all. He was quickly unbuttoning and unzipping your jeans.

"Need to tase you..." He mumbled again.

You liked needy Chan, somehow he kept the perfect balance of dominant yet deprived for you. He positioned himself between your legs, kissing and licking every inch of them. He held your inner thigh, pushing your legs apart to expose your panties. He placed a kiss on your clothed center, and groaned at the wet spot that was already there. His tongue peeked out, and he licked a slow stripe up, making your underwear wetter. Your eyes rolled back and you sighed, craving more.

And did you mention that you loved how vocal he was? 

He licked his lips as he glanced up at you, mumbling "Taste so good, 'M gonna be addicted. Wanna be between your thighs all the time."

Then he spoke more clearly, with a smirk on his face "You're going to sit on my face one day. I want you to ride it."

You whined at the thought, and pushed your hips up, searching for friction. He took the opportunity to slide your panties to the side, and his tongue slid between your folds immediately. 

You moaned loudly as his tongue flicked against your clit. You felt like you were on fire, yet shivering at the goosebumps spreading all over your body. Your hand reached down to his hair, and he groaned again, making his lips vibrate against you. 

"Mmm... fuck." You moaned as you rocked your hips against his face. 

He has no objections, but he momentarily paused to rip your panties off. Then he wraps his arms around each thigh, forcing you to open wider for him. He buried his face in you, letting his tongue dip into your entrance. 

You gasped at the intrusion, your hand squeezing tighter into his hair. It had you nearly wailing. You'd never felt that before, and you think you could cum from it.

When his lips closed around your clit, he sucked. You were panting, feeling that familiar pleasure slowly coil in your lower abdomen. 

He wasn't shy at all about devouring you, making slurping and squelching sounds. He brought his hand to your entrance, and slipped two fingers inside. You moaned, and he let you adjust before curling his fingers and pumping into you. Your orgasm is building faster now. 

Writhing on the bed, and clutching his sheets, he did his best to keep you still. You were a moaning and whining mess. You couldn't help but be loud. His hand moved faster, as the tip of his tongue flicked at your clit. It was all too much as you felt your climax wash over your. You let out a desperate groan, your legs quivering as his hand squeezed your thigh tighter, preventing you from squeezing your legs shut.

Once you whimpered at the overstimulation, he stopped. Giving your clit one last kiss, sending one last shiver up your spine. Your chest was heaving, you were out of breath. He climbed up your body, wiping your juices and his saliva off his chin with the back of his hand. When he kissed you again, you could taste yourself on him, and you hummed as you licked against his tongue.

He kept kissing you, and you tugged at his shirt, "No fair, I'm completely naked and you're fully dressed."

He chuckled and sat up, pulling his shirt off. You reached up to feel his abs, fingers tracing between each muscle. You moved up to his pecks, and when your palm grazed against his nipple, he hissed. Picking up on it, it was your turn to kiss his chest, making sure to pay special attention to his nipples. Your tongue lapping at them, and then sucking them. 

He quickly turned into a whining mess. His voice making you grow wetter, and clenching around nothing. 

You really loved how vocal he was.

He made quick work of pulling his pants and boxers off, and leaned back down to kiss you. The pressure of his weight on top of you was comforting, and you placed your arms on his shoulders. His cock twitched against your core, and you were mewling again. 

He smiled against your lips and whispered, "Is my love needy right now?"

Then his fingers wrapped around your neck, and you bit your lip. Your hand was now on top of his, making him squeeze lightly, and you whined.

"Does my baby girl want to be choked right now?”

"Chan if you don't fuck me right now, I swear I'll--"

Before you could finish, he was gripping the base of his member. Sliding into you at a steady pace, and you gasped. He lets you adjust again. The length surprised you, and his girth stretched you deliciously. You always knew this man was hung. 

His hand never left your throat, and he did add more pressure around it. But you still desperately needed more.

He must've read your mind, or at least your face, "You're really into breathplay huh? Need it harder?"

Your mind was clouded in pleasure, you felt so full having him inside you. His hand on your throat only heightens it. So you nodded as best you could. 

"Remember, I need the words baby girl." 

"Yes, yes, fuck yes." You moaned.

He nearly growled as he pulled out and snapped his hips into you sharply. He kept pumping into you. Rolling his hips into you roughly, skin slapping against skin. His hand squeezed your throat tightly, cutting off all oxygen and then easing up, so you could get a proper breath in. Everything felt blissful, consumed by need. 

Your hips started rolling, meeting each of his thrusts. You were focused on making sure you both got off.

He had his eyes closed, face scrunched in concentration and panting, "Shit, you're so wet love. So tight, gonna cum too fast."

You clenched around him hearing that, and let out another whimper. You felt it building up in you again. His pace became uneven, and you knew he was nearing his climax. 

"Please..." he begged with a strangled whine, "Cum with me, can't hold on much longer."

"Channie... so close, just a little more." You panted back.

He removed his hand from around your neck and down to your clit, rubbing quickly in little circles. That was all you needed to let go, becoming a moaning and quivering mess. Your walls were clenching around him again, as you rode out your orgasm. 

He groans, hips stuttering before he pulls out of you. Giving himself a few pumps, he let out a loud and strangled cry as he finished. He was spurting ropes of cum all over your stomach, only slowing when the last of it was dripping down his cock and onto his fingers.

It was so sensual, you grabbed his hand and sucked them into your mouth. Making sure to lick them clean, keeping eye contact with him. His lips parted and he was looking at you so affectionately. When you finally popped them out of your mouth, he immediately caressed your face.

"How are you so perfect?" He murmured. 

He bent down and pressed a gentle kiss against your lips, and you slowly moved yours with his. This kiss was different, less desperate and more so savoring the moment. You felt lost in him. Nothing else mattered right now but you and him, the rest of the world melted away. You two were in your own bubble, and you couldn't be happier. 

When he pulled away, he spoke "That was amazing, my love." 

"It was." You giggled.

"I'm sorry it was a little rushed, I was craving you so bad." He said as he rested his head in the crook of your neck, a little embarrassed. 

Your fingers brushed through his hair. He was right, it was rushed on both ends. You both were a little clumsy, figuring out each other's bodies for the first time. But that doesn't mean the sex was horrible, he made you cum twice. 

"We'll have plenty of chances to take our time with each other. I think after everything, we were both hopelessly desperate for each other, and like you said. It was amazing Channie."

"I like hearing Channie coming from you, as different as it is." 

"Mmmm, I have to think of another pet name. You claimed 'love' already." 

He just chuckled, "You can call me whatever you want, Channie, love, Jagi. I don't mind."

"I think Ji would keel over if I called you Jagi instead of him." You giggled.

"Hannie can deal with it, he's not the only man in your life that's close to you anymore." 

Chan got up to get you a towel, and cleaned you up.

You felt satisfied, laying down facing each other, and still embracing. 

"So, about the other chances you mentioned. Maybe we can try out the edging you like so much. And all it takes for me to truly dom you is flipping a switch in my head and not holding back. I'm just not sure you can handle it."

"I can handle it, I'll be your perfect little sub." You snuggle closer to him.

"Hmmm, why do I doubt that for some reason. We already know how bratty you are."

"That just means more punishments for me, which I'm sure we'll both love."

"Is that so?" He started leaning in to kiss you.

Suddenly there was banging on the door. 

"Are you two finished? I'm assuming your finished since all the noise stopped." Hanji yelled.

You looked wide eyed at Chan and he had a smug smile on his face.

"We'd like you to join us, we're playing cards against humanity tonight. Besides it's my time with my Jagi again, I'd like to be able to see you." Jiji shouted through the door. 

You both scrambled to dress yourselves. He gave you his t-shirt, and some sweats. Slipping on nearly the same outfit, you opened the door to a pouting Ji. His face slowly transformed into a smirk as he looked you up and down. 

"Better fix your sex hair babes, although I guess there’s no hiding your hickies and bruises though." He leaned in and whispered, "I didn't know you liked it that rough, his fingers are clear as day on your neck. You nympho." He poked your tummy repeatedly. 

You nudged him and rolled your eyes, "Shut up." 

Channie came up behind you, and wrapped his arms around your waist, giving you a back hug. Just like that, Ji was back to pouting. 

"This means I have to share my cuddle time, ugh." He whined.

Chan just patted the top of his head, laughing, "You'll get used to it." 

"Hmph. I'm not going to stop calling her Jagi or babe or any other pet names. I was here first!" He stated.

Chan just chuckled, "I wouldn't expect you to Hannie."

He just turned around, still pouting, and headed back to the living room. You and Channie followed behind him, hand in hand. Eyes glued to each other, and smiling. 

"Oh great, we have to deal with this now, on top of you and Han overdosing us with PDA?" Seungmin complained. 

"I just knew something was up with you two, it's about time you fixed it." Innie commented. 

"Yeah, and by the sound of it. Making up went really well." Changbin jokes, then his eyes wander to your neck, "You know, for as much noise you two were making, I'd never expect you'd be choking her in there."

You blushed intensely, and Channie cleared his throat, smiling, and scratching the back of his head. The group laughed, and you and Chan took your seats. Which was him sitting in the chair as usual, and you sitting in his lap. 

"God, this is going to take getting used to." Hyunjin said with a smirk. 

"You act like you didn't partially help orchestrate this whole thing." Jiji teased. 

"What?!" Felix snapped, "And you didn't tell me?" Now he was pouting. 

"It wasn't my business to tell. Besides, I only nudged them a little bit to communicate. They both seriously lack in that area." Hyune responded. 

"Mmhm, I have to agree with that." Minho chimed in with a smug smile. 

"Alright, alright. Enough poking fun at us. All that matters is that things can go back to normal." Chan said. 

You faced him, "I still don't think this was our normal before, but it definitely can be our new normal now." 

He smiled and gave you a peck on the lips, to which the entire room started gagging, and acting disgusted. They got distracted while setting up the card game, Chan whispered something in your ear. 

"I know we've been doing things abnormally, and this might be a little fast. And we also have a lot more to talk about, but... Will you be mine?" 

You break out into a huge smile, and press your lips to his ear, "Of course Channie. I'd love nothing more than to be your girlfriend."

He turned his head to kiss you again, except this time it wasn't a peck. Your lips moved in sync for a few seconds, and everyone once again noticed. 

"Yeah, you were right Hyune. This is going to take A LOT of getting used to." Felix agreed.

"I don't think I've ever seen Chan-hyung like this before... It's a little weird." Innie chimed in.

"That's because he hasn't done anything like this before. Outright claiming someone? That's new territory for him." Minho said.

"No wonder it was so hard for him to pursue y/n." Seungmin said, "Although I really did have a feeling it was going to be Hannie that ended up with her."

Ji made a face, "Never. Our love isn't romantic, even though we both love skinship."

They were interrupted by the wet sounds of you both still making out. 

 Ji started pouting again, shouting, "Yah! Are we going to play or what? Surely you can both hold off until later, sheesh." 

You pulled away and you and Channie laughed.

"Alright, let's play!" You said excitedly. 

Maybe this was new territory for you, but you felt comfortable in it already. You were so glad that you and Channie were able to find solace in each other. Maybe you guys weren't quite in love yet, but you were elated that he returned your feelings fully.  

This is the normal that Chan was talking about, and you wouldn't dream of having it any other way.

Tag List: @jeonginsleftcheek @solandiszale @schniti-is-in-the-house @helloimacalumgirl @jagibangbangchan

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As always, please let me know if you'd like to join the taglist. And if you do, pretty please interact with my fics besides liking. Although I appreciate liking as well! Feedback is always cherished! ♡

But again, please be gentle in your criticism

[blueparadis]

╰┈➤ ADELAIDE ✦ SAE ITOSHI.

⟣ ──┈ · · · + synopsis ➢ Sae rarely watches any movie or TV show for the second time so he has come up with a solution. Why don't you cockwarm him as he sits for the rewatch, hmm?

+

⟣ ──┈ · · · + cw ➣ fem!reader x sae itoshi, roommate au, relationship history ( fwb➝ established relationship ) relationship dynamics, fluff, angst and smut, cockwarming, nipple stimulation, edge play, very subtle tones of s&m, sub/dom dynamics, switch!reader, sae is little obsessive behaviour and fantasies about the reader, mention of safeword ( neither party uses it); 1,3k word count. | blog navigation + koct’23 masterlist. | 

The curtains dance along the windows as a gust of wind enters the living room.  The afternoon sun is utterly bright despite the torrential rain at dawn; but it is Saturday, so you could definitely enjoy the privilege of an air conditioner along with emptying a tub full of ice cream of your favorite flavour. You could definitely enjoy such other privileges if Sae did not suggest the idea of watching a movie together, in this living room where he sits with you on the couch having you on his lap and his cock inside you. Unlike the most Saturdays, he is home today and hence, you could not say no to him. 

The posture is not at all uncomfortable. In fact, he has one of his arms wrapped around your waist as you watch the movie with rapt attention. Although, Sae is facing toward to the television he is not much interested since he claims he has seen the movie already. The notebook. You have watched it too. In fact, you are the one who introduced him to ‘The Notebook’, and ever since he has been nagging to watch it with you like a child asking for a limited edition toy. And when you asked him why he suggested a movie that he has already watched, he simply came up with this brilliant idea of having his cock inside as you watch the movie to make it more interesting. 

At first, you gave him a look saying, “you can just watch it again with me.” but he instantly responded smiling ear to ear, “I would rather watch you.”  That was so cliche and cheesy that it makes you cringe yet it has been a while you have not seen this side of him. When your eyebrows knitted against each other, he added, “Please.” avoiding eye contact. 

The first time when you suggested him to watch ‘The Notebook’ after his so-called girlfriend ditched him he landed a trail of awful words saying how he hates such plain romance. ‘Vanilla’ he would call it, which according to him is not his type. Technically, it is. He hates simplicity. Nothing is more boring than going by the book. But he still watched it. And after that, you two started watching tv shows and movies together. Of course, both of you took turns to pick. Now, he likes simplicity but only when it is you.

That is how you ended up watching ‘The Notebook’ again, as his hands slipped under your dress every other minute. With an annoyed huff, you are just pushing his muscular-toned arms back to the valley of your waist every time they become curious. The first twenty to forty minutes was enough for him to pull you into his lap, his fingers playing with your pussy spreading and relaxing you so that he can slide his cock at ease. He is fully clothed but his hands have reached up to the laces of your long camisole quite a number of times. He knows you are not wearing a bra underneath. You hate it. Even though having a guy as a roommate you could not care less. 

Sae mumbles into your ear as he pulls your body towards himself, rolling his hips a little and pushing the tip of his cock more inside you. “Babe…” he murmured, grazing his nose below your neck and placing a soft open-mouthed kiss. You do not faze, nor say anything. How could you? You are having a hard time keeping your moans to yourself. His needy gestures are not helping either. His hand slips again under your dress, this time he inclines your body a little so as to continue his trail of kisses. “Babe. . .” he whines again, followed by a low short-lived gasp.

“What is it, Sae?” you ask, pausing the movie. There are still forty minutes left. 

Did you really have to pause it? The fact that some corny romance that you have already watched has more of your attention than him is already making him go nuts. He wishes he could just roll you down on the couch and fuck you till your tears run down your cheeks, while the movie plays in the background. He has imagined it so many times. “can i fuck you?” He blurts out.

You know he is just playing with you, somewhat bluffing to see your reactions. After all, he is never the one to admit defeat so easily. “It was your idea, Sae” You exclaim as he tries to distract you by running his hands up your arms and then stopping at your shoulder blades, inserting a finger underneath the lace to play with it. You try to adjust yourself a little so that his cockhead does not nudge your sweet spot every time he moves but he is a lot stronger than his friends claim. 

“Such a bad idea, don’t you think?”

Your eyebrows pinch, cheeks puff in and out as you resume the movie. “Just forty more minutes.” You glance at him through the corner of your eyes and find him smirking. He is looking at your boobs as you realise how much is turned on, how much you want this,want him and how much can you take any more of this. Sae glances you before sticking his tongue out licking your pebbled nipple once. You can neither tell him to stop nor ask for more because both will have him tasting the victory by fucking you before the movie ends. Sae checks your face in between his slow teaseful sucks and licks. 

Your face contorts as he blows some air out onto your nipple making you realise that he has wetted enough to let the cloth stick on to your skin. He moves you to adjust a little to do the same with your lonely nipple making you swallow hard feeling his cock leak inside you. It hits your sweet spot with so much precision that it is almost tempting to bounce on his cock and ask him to fuck you. At this point, he would actually. You just needed to say the word. “thirty more minutes babe,”

“After that,” he slaps your ass cheeks harshly over the skimpy dress. Just once but that one slap has you arching like a bow with your head bent backward. You blink open your eyes huffing with the wide intake of breath feeling tears blurring the design painted on the celling. “I’m going to fuck you. Hard.” 

You looked at him, a little concerned because never with you he has done this. Safeword was at the tip of your tongue and your heart at the back of your throat yet you saw him leaning towards you resting his head against your chest and releasing a strong exhale.

 “I know. So, you better last these last forty minutes.” You voiced out tartly. You could feel him wince, evident from a distorted groan.

You do not remember seeing his arms travel far down your waist and now as your breaths are slowly becoming even, he has both of your arms arching at the back holding them by the wrist making them immobile. He kisses your collarbone whispering, “Sorry, force of habit. You ‘okay love?”

tagging~@tteokdoroki @saenora @semisgroupie @orchid3a @seirinz.

[adventuringblind]

Hi, I saw you were asking for requests and I thought I'd give you an idea for Max Verstapppen x reader fic. I don't request much so if it's too detailed I'm sorry, you can change anything you want, it's just a scenario I've had in my head for a while. I was thinking about enemies to lovers, grumpy x sunshine (also I'm a sucker for angst with a happy ending) ❤️❤️❤️

Ok, so imagine this: Reader is a new redbull media person/photographer and Max has an instant crush on her but acts like an a**hole cause he can't understand his emotions towards the reader. Other drivers tease him about it. I imagine someone ask why he doesn't like her and Daniel just straight up says "cause he loooves her" and Max gets all flustered. The reader is an absolute sunshine and tries to make him like her, even tho she is hurt by his behaviour. At some point (maybe right before a race or smth) he says something about her and she overhears and is heartbroken and suddenly stops talking to him.

I don't have an idea for an ending except that if you are up to I would love some smut 😂

Behind your walls

Max Verstappen x Reader

Genre: grumpy x sunshine, smut, angst if you squint.

Request: yes and it made me so happy. I hope I did your idea justice! My requests are open (specifically for Charles, Max Lando, and Oscar). Please don't hesitate to send in an idea!

Summary: Max knows he loves you but can't admit it to anyone, including himself. What happens when you over hear something he say? Will he be able to finally be vulnerable?

Warnings: Max is a jerk (blame is on Jos), pining, mentions of anxiety and a panic attack, smut, fingering, oral (female receiving)

Notes: second pov, I got a bit carried away, and I've never written smut before, so figured crossed it's not as cringe to you as it is to me. I think I changed like one or two things about the request but tried to follow it as much as I could.

If you have the chance, please check out my other work. likes, comments, and reblogs are always appreciated. I've started posting small snippets relating to my novel I'm currently editing, support for that is also always appreciated.

Masterlist

The following media is intended for those 18 and over. If you are underage, then please don't interact with this post.

Max has never been the best at dealing with his emotions. Sure he’s had his fair share of girlfriends, but all of them ended in confusion and heartbreak because of father wanting him to dedicate his entire being to racing.

So he did the only logical thing and walled himself off. Only having the occasional fling and never letting himself get to attached.

Then everything changed when he met you. Your sweet personality hired to drag him around all of his PR duties.

He'd made several of his PR managers quit. Ironically, not because he was an asshole to them, but because he had a talent for hiding from the press. It drove his managers insane. Redbull hoped that hiring someone warm and gentle was that you could coax him into fulfilling his responsibilities.

Everyone seemed to love you. Wherever you went, smiles followed. You'd even managed to convince Daniel into being productive and out of whatever his next shenanigan was. Not that you minded them, often laughing along with him if the situation arose. And to everyone's surprise, Max did spend more time with the reporters.

This, however, came at a price. For some reason that nobody could understand, Max Verstappen despised you. Or that's what you thought.

Max himself just thought he was doing the right thing for himself. No matter how many delicious coffies you brought him for early mornings. No matter how many of his jokes caused you to laugh. No matter the praises for wins and comforts for losses. Not even the look of admiration and respect you had for him and how he wanted nothing more than to sweep you away from this terrible world. He would not fall in love.

So he became a jerk to you. Giving you the cold shoulder. He always made sparky remarks at your expense. He even went as far as verbally telling you to 'piss off' even though deep down it hurt him too. Yet you still never wavered. Merely brushing it off and going back to whatever you were previously.

One day during a race weekend, Max found himself with Daniel during his downtime. The two of them eating lunch and chatting about life. The conversation was pleasant until Daniel brought up you.

"I don't understand why you don't like her, mate." Daniel chuckled a little, but there was genuine curiosity behind his eyes. Then, a realization hit the Australian. "I bet you love her! Like a crush from a schoolboy!" He announces for everyone in the vicinity to hear.

Was he wrong? No. But Max wasn't going to tell him that.

"You're wrong, mate. I personally find her incredibly annoying." He scoffed. He was also trying to convince himself of this. It wasn't working like he'd been intending.

"Why do you think? She's like the sweetest person I've ever met." Daniel gives a confused look to Max, who is struggling to find a reason why.

He finally gives the Aussie and awnswer. "She thinks anyone will do whatever she wants cause she's so nice. It's aggravating to see people flit around at her beck and call like she owns the place."

Daniel's face falls, a frown now gracing his lips. "Damn, that's too bad, I think you would've liked her if you'd giver her the chance."

It's at this moment that Max felt a looming presence behind him. The grimace if Daniel's face apparent.

"Sorry for interrupting, Christian is looking for you, Max." Came your voice. Not the one he was used to, you sounded on the verge of crying.

You turned on your heels and swiftly left to find somewhere secluded to compose yourself.

You hadn't intended on eaves dropping. You caught the tail end of their conversation as you were walking up. There wasn't much other noise around, and it's not like either male knows the definition of quiet.

Max, on the other hand, knew he messed up. He placed his hands over his face, shaking his head repeatedly. "I am stupid. I am stupid." He mumbled.

After the race that he managed to win, despite a rough start, he found himself immediately looking for you. Then he looked for you from the podium. And again, when it was time to be harassed from the media.

When he couldn't find you anywhere, he decided to ask Christian. He was hoping to get the chance to explain himself. Maybe even opening up a little because you deserved it after what he said.

Christian looked at him skeptically when he asked. "I thought you'd been told. She went back to the hotel. Security found her hyperventilating, so I had Daniel drive her back."

The rest of the day went by in slow motion for Max. Daniel mentioned a couple of times that you had anxiety. He'd mentioned that you are a people pleaser. You just wanted everyone to smile.

He hadn't realized how much damage his statement had done at the time. The guilt is now settling into the pit of his stomach.

He had someone else following him around. Definitely not as nice as you. He knew he'd fallen for you but couldn't admit it to himself. He needed to make this right. He didn't care if you hated him forever, but he wasn't going to let you think he hated you any longer.

Finally he was able to escape the cameras and locate Daniel. "I need your help."

You had spent your time in the hotel watching the race under your blankets and calming yourself down. You wouldn't lie that you genuinely liked Max. He started as an aquintance, but then you picked up on any grain he would give you. Any story he would tell to fill the silence. You wanted him to enjoy your presence as much as you enjoyed his. You knew you couldn't force it, but it wasn't going to stop you from at least being nice. Had you pushed it too far anyway?

Daniel knew about your crush. He said he saw that way you would listen to his long wonded explanations with patience and understanding and new only someone who loved him could manage that.

However, Daniel had also given you a false sense of hope. The Australian said that he saw how Max wanted to make you laugh. How he followed every PR obligation so you could keep your job. He wanted you around, too.

The tears started rolling again at the thought.

It's evening now. You hadn't eaten since this morning, but your stomach had no intention of letting you nourish yourself. Your anxiety over needing to make everyone happy getting the best of you. You hadn't had a panic attack like that in awhile. Even going as far as to dry heave because of the intensity.

You were exhausted, to say the least.

You wanted to sleep, but Daniel had texted, saying he didn't care if you wanted it or not, he is on route to bring you comfort food.

You did your best to make yourself look presentable. Though when you looked in the mirror, you definitely didn't look happy.

The inevitable knock came. You didn't hesitate to swing open the door, ready to be greeted by a cheeky smile.

What you got was a Dutch with a sheepish smile holding your favorite food and some flowers.

"Before you say anything, please let me explain." He rushed out. He needed to, though, since you were trying to close the door on him. Instead, you pause, considering his offer, and let him inside without a word.

He steps in the door. Finally taking in your appearance and the state of your room. Both are in dissaray. You sit on the edge of the bed and patiently wait for him to gather his thoughts.

You'd always been patient with him. Another reason he loved you.

"I'm sorry for what I said."

You didn't want to believe him, but there was a genuine look behind his blue eyes. You don't say anything. Opting to just listen to him instead.

"I know I fucked up." Max continues. His voice shaking more than you'd ever heard. "And I know you may never forgive me for what I've done to you. But I am truly in love with you." He stares at the floor. Anxiety making him cast his eyes to the floor.

You are shocked, rendered completely speechless at the confession. "Why?" Wat the only thing you could get out.

Max sets down what he is holding and finds the spot next to you on the bed. "I know I treated you poorly. I thought that in pushing you away, I would protect myself. But I fell for you anyway."

He inhales sharply. Staring at your glassy eyes. How were you so calm? He felt exposed and vulnerable. "You don't have to talk to me ever again. But I couldn't let you go without telling you I love you."

"I love you too." You whisper. His head snaps up in surprise. Is he hearing things? "I have for a while."

Nope, he definitely heard right. He watches your lips twist upward into a small smile and let's out a breath he didn't know he was holding.

"I know it'll take time, but please stick around. Let me show you hard I've fallen."

"It dosen't excuse how you treated me, but I'll give you a chance."

(AN: You can end here if you're not in the mood for spicy things or want to leave it at cute and fluffy... or not. Your choice )

The proximity between you two is so close now. Your foreheads practically touching.

Giving into the intense pull towards you, Max gives in and places his lips on yours. You taste sweet, exactly how he'd imagined. He could already tell he was going to become addicted. "Can I start tonight?" He might be pushing boundaries, but he'd be damned if he didn't at least ask.

He didn't hesitate to kiss you again when you gently nodded your head, yes. Giving him permission to continue for now.

This kiss was much more heated. Both of you hungry to act on all the pent-up emotions you had for each other.

You had one or two partners before Max. You know how to please. So immediately you moved to straddle him. Your inate need to put others first taking over.

It shocked you when Max pulled you off. Suddenly not knowing what to do with yourself. "Tonight is about you." He whispered in your ear. Planting kisses on your jaw as he lays you on the bed. "I'm going to show you how I've fallen for you." Kiss to your nose. "How much I love you." Kiss you your forehead. "And how much I need you." Puncuated by a slow sensual Kiss to your lips.

His lips move against yours with passion and lust. You open your mouth to give him access to your mouth, and he instantly begins exploring.

His hands gently caress the insides of your thighs and run up along your sides. Pulling your shirt up little bits at a time.

Your hand find themselves underneath his shirt. Your fingers are trying to memorize the feeling of his skin.

Max pulls away for you, panting heavily. "Can I take off some of your clothes?" He asks. His voice laced with new found confidence.

You'd never been treated like this. Often take advantage of because you are a giver. You gave constent sure, but this is a whole new level. You nod your head yes again, though looking skeptical.

Max picking up on this stops everything he's doing. "Are you ok? Your face is telling me something different."

"Yes, sorry, this is just a little new to me." You explain.

The shock hits Max once again. "Are you a virgin?!" His mind reeling that he was possibly going to take your virginity and he wouldn't have known.

He's more confused when you start laughing. "No, no! It's just that nobody has treated me so well before!"

"Oh, well if that's the case." A smirk finds its way onto his face as he straps you your shirt, then his. Then he takes your pants, your bra, and finally pauses. Laying kisses to every party of your body.

"I wish I hadn't closed myself off for so long. You're so beautiful. I've wanted you to myself like this for so long."

You pratically moan at his words. "Are you going to finish undressing?"

"What do you not get about me taking care of you." He places a finger over your lips to shush you. You sigh and comply. Letting him take control of the rhythm.

Max is over the top of you. Inching his way down. Sucking and leaving little marks as he goes.

He makes a pit stop at your chest. Gently taking your nipple and rolling it between his fingers. His tongue then finds the other one. Swirling it around, then sucking. Listening to you whimper beneath him.

"Do you like that lovely?" The cockiness in his voice not going unnoticed.

He trades sides with his hand and mouth. Trying to give equal attention to both your tits. His free hand now placed firmly on your hip to keep you still.

When he felt he'd given ample attention in one area, he made his way down lower. He stopped at your still clothed lower half. "Can I take these off you now?"

"If you don't I might cry."

Max has them off seconds layer. Now discarded with the rest of your clothes.

His gaze burns into you. His breathing erratic just looking at you. "Your are the most gorgeous thing on the planet."

You swallow hard as he finds a comfortable position. His head now in-between you thighs.

His finger gently rubs where you need him, and he places love bites to the insides of your thighs. "Glad to know I'm doing good so far." He smiles. His fingers are now coated in your slick substance.

You whimper again. His name falls from your lips like a prayer.

He licks the finger that was previously touching you. Savoring every bit of the tast he can. "Exactly like how I dreamed."

It was your turn to chuckle now. "You dreamed of me?"

"Almost every night. I got off in the morning to the memory."

You want to dwell on his dirty confession, but Max's tongue doesn't let you.

It doesn't take him long to have you writhing. His tounge unrelenting.

His fingers find their way inside of you. The act alone almost sends you off the edge. Instincts take over as you find yourself closer to utter bliss. Your arms struggle to push max away. His arms hooked under your thighs to hold you close keep you from doing so.

Your back arches as you release. Max is slowly coming to a stop as your ride out your high.

Both of you are breathing heavily. Max's fingers are still caressing your hips as you both catch your breath.

Realization hits you. "Don't you need something too?" You ask, voice laced with anxiety over not pleasing him also.

Max only smirks, laying his head against your leg. "I fine, don't you worry. Tonight, we cuddle, and tomorrow I take you for round two."

And that's exactly what you did. Max helped clean you up and put on your pajamas. Then you two curled up in bed together. Him telling you everything he had been wanting to since he laid eyes on you.

You know this road worh Max certainly wouldn't be easy. But you're patient, and you'll wait for him. As long as he needs to let himself fully tear down his walls.

[shadowkoo]

The Ex Text

→ Summary: The 2 AM texts have started again. It’s a bittersweet familiarity that you can’t run away from, and despite wishing to forget him: no one will ever measure up to the exceptional standard set by your ex, and you’ll never have anyone as good as him either. Like a permanent mark on your heart, Jungkook’s presence has become an insatiable craving, an addiction you'll never outgrow or cast aside.

↠ jungkook x f.reader | 3.2k words | 18+ ↠ genre: smut, pwp, ex with benefits, minor fluff & angst

→ Warnings: swearing, explicit sex, protected sex, scratching, breast play, spit/saliva play, infidelity (in the case that reader just started dating someone new), soft kissing, soft choking, rough kissing, ball squeezing, fingering, handjob, blowjob, cunnilingus, sloppy oral sex (female & male receiving), squirting, praising, teasing, overstimulation, multiple orgasms, hair pulling, doggy, deep dicking, posessive!jungkook has a hard time dealing with his feelings

→ Author note: This is an update of a fic I posted in January that desperately needed some editing (anyone else ever read their old fics and cringe??), I hope you enjoy the newest version bc i personally believe it’s so much better! If you’d like to read this on ao3 instead it’s been crossposted here! As always, all likes, reblogs, and comments are appreciated <3

The pillow vibrates beneath your head as the notifications on your phone add up. Knowing it’s nowhere near time for you to get up, you roll over, choosing to ignore whatever, or rather, whoever is trying to reach you. Your plan works for another several minutes as you attempt to drift back to sleep, but your phone soon buzzes again, signaling another notification.

You groan and clumsily reach to turn the ringer off, but instead, your curiosity wins. After a couple of slow blinks, your eyes adjust to the blinding light and are able to focus on the screen; a couple of likes on your latest tweet, a new follower request for your insta, and three new texts from ‘The Ex’…

You groan again and check the time. 2 AM.

“Mmm, right on schedule, ‘Kook,” you drone sleepily to yourself, “Glad to see nothing’s changed.”

Invested now, and unfortunately awake, you unlock your phone to read the full texts.

2:03 AM

‘hey, u awake?’

2:07 AM

‘come over pls’

‘I’ll leave the door open’

Leaving the messages on read, you think about the two ways this could go.

One, you ignore him, just as you have been for the last month, and pretend like he means nothing to you.

Or two, you text him back, agree to come over, and wind up in a self-hate spiral the following days for allowing him to weasel back into your life.

A third groan leaves your body, realizing your heart is clouding your mind, having already made the decision. You type out your message and hover your thumb over the send button, before pressing firmly, unable to take it back.

2:11 AM

‘i hate you…i’ll be there in 5’

His response pops up just seconds later.

‘i’ll be waiting’

This routine is nothing new to you, as much as you hate to say it.

It’s not the first time since your break up that he’s asked you over. And it’s not the first time you’ve rushed to see him, to relive the good times spent between his sheets.

As promised, Jungkook left the door unlocked for you. His tall pup, Bam, meets you with a happy face and a wagging tail the second you crack the door open.

“Hi Bamy-Boo, I’ve missed you so much. How’s my good boy doing?” you ask after stepping into the quiet apartment, bending at the knees to give him a quick kiss on the head and some chin scratches.

“He’d be doing a lot better if you joined him in bed.”

Turning your head, your eyes land on Jungkook. He’s leaning against the wall outside his bedroom, with one of his hands combing through his tousled hair. And he’s wearing the beige-colored sweat set he knows drives you wild.

Damn him.

Your eyes wander to the waistband of his pants, where the faintest patch of skin shows through with his raised arm, before moving upward towards his face.

He’s grinning now.

“We need to stop doing this,” you sigh, not even attempting to deny that you were ogling him. He’s hot, you both know it. No point in sugar-coating or avoiding it. “You can’t keep texting me this time of night and expect me to come over.”

“You can leave any time you want, you know that,” he says taking a step closer to you, “Just like you know you don’t have to text me back. But you do.” He extends a hand, which you accept, and you stand up, letting him pull you up against his chest. “Because you want to come over. Because you know you want this.”

Jungkook doesn’t waste another second before placing his lips on yours. He’s warm and comforting, smelling of sage and citrus, just like always.

He pulls you away from the front door, which he locks, and leads you towards his room. Even in the dark, you remember the path to his bed, your body has it practically memorized.

“Come here,” he whispers softly while his fingers dance along the edge of your wrinkled pajama shirt, before lifting it over your shoulders.

You didn’t even bother changing out of your stained and slept-in pjs. Jungkook has seen you in far worse conditions. Plus you figured they wouldn’t remain on for very long, and much to your pleasure - you’re right.

Jungkook admires your breasts with his hands once your shirt is on the ground. “You’re gorgeous like this,” he whispers, cupping them and letting his thumbs rub across your nipples. Between his touch and the cool air, they harden almost immediately.

You lean into his body and your lips collide, meanwhile, his arms move around your body, crushing you against his chest.

He moans into your mouth, loving the way your fingers run through his messy hair. He doesn’t hide the fact that his cock twitches against his sweatpants when you tug lightly on his locks.

Jungkook could come in his pants just from simply kissing you and having you play with his hair, but he needs more. So much more.

He reaches for your pants, ready to remove them next. He’s desperate to undress you, to have your naked body pressed up against his. You’ve been ignoring his texts for too long lately. Even though he would never admit it, he’s missed you. A lot.

You help him take off the rest of your clothing until you’re bare before him, and Jungkook looks at you like he’s always looked at you. Like you’re the only person in the universe, you captivate his entire attention.

Nothing else matters when he’s with you.

He tears only his sweatshirt off before sitting down on the bed. Stretching back, he pats his lap with that same old smirk you’ve grown to love and hate simultaneously and motions for you to climb on top of him.

You do as he requests, resting each leg on either side of his hips so you’re straddling his waist.

“Come here,” he says quietly, pulling you closer to him, so he can leave wet kisses trailing down your neck from your earlobe to the dip above your collarbone.

His hands travel down your side as his lips move closer and closer to your breasts, his hot breath tickles your skin as he hovers over your sensitive nubs. He flicks each with his tongue, before closing his lips over one of your soft peaks, sucking it in between his teeth.

The sensation pulls an explicit moan from deep within your core. Jungkook’s ears perk up, loving the sounds coming from you, wanting to hear you make sounds like that all night.

Your thighs tense around him as he does it again to the other side, and you massage the growing tent in his sweats to tease him just the right amount.

Jungkook digs his fingers into your hips, pushing your bare center up against his hardness as you continue your circling torture. It’s his turn to lose himself. Fuck, he can feel your heat through the thin fabric, your readiness soaking into his sweatpants. His hands curve around the swell of your ass as your tongues twist together in harmony.

Grabbing his face, you kiss him deeply while slowly moving off the top of him, your hand replacing where your opening was previously. You moan into his mouth this time, feeling how hard he is for you as you rub him through his pants.

Your hand dips underneath the waistband and wraps around his velvety length. His length throbs in your hand while your thumb glides over his needy head. You’re stroking him slowly enough to drive him into a maddening frenzy.

“Fuck baby, I need more,” he rasps.

You give him exactly what he begs for.

He cries out when your hand dips lower to squeeze his balls without warning. You smirk, watching the emotions overtake his face as the pain mixes deliciously with pleasure while you hold him tightly in your hands. You wait a few seconds before releasing them and then work to take off his pants.

“Jesus Christ,” he gasps, catching his breath from your dangerous game. “What was that for?”

You take a mouthful of him to avoid answering. He doesn’t press the issue further as you gag over his thick cock.

Jungkook grabs a fistful of your hair as you bring him closer and closer to the edge. He helplessly watches as your reddened lips glide over him, your saliva dripping everywhere in the process.

“Mmm, just like that,” he hums, caressing your cheek as you bob your head up and down.

Pulling yourself from him to catch your breath, your mouth then leaves wandering kisses that lead you to his balls next. Sucking each into your hollowed cheeks, you take your sweet time and watch intently as Jungkook’s eyebrows furrow together.

“Shit baby, I’m about to lose it,” he breathes deeply, before moving your bodies so you’re below him.

You smirk, your legs open and ready with your fingers teasing your wet and inviting opening. “Then lose it.”

He groans. Leaning across your body, Jungkook opens the drawer on his nightstand and rummages through until his fingers land on the very familiar foil packet. He smirks for a moment at the thought floating around in his head, and then lets the male urge win and rips it open with his teeth.

“You did not just do that,” you laugh, “That’s so cheesy. What are you, a horny teenager?”

He grins wolfishly as he rolls the condom on, “Might as well be.”

The scent of your arousal has now filled the room, engulfing Jungkook, and making him ravenous for you. He’s starved and only your heat will tame his hunger.

Unable to wait any longer, his thick length dips inside you just enough to wet his tip. He pulls back out of you, sliding your wetness through your folds, preparing you for what is to come. Then, without a moment’s notice, he takes you hard and fast, thrusting into you with all his power.

Your nails dig into his back, leaving red trails from where they slide down his back and grip his ass.

The veins in Jungkook’s neck pop out as he slams into you again and again.

“Holy fuck, ‘Kook! Oh my god,” you cry out, holding onto him.

He looks so fucking hot with his hair stuck to his damp forehead. Your eyes follow the bead of sweat dripping down his temple.

Jungkook’s soft moans tickle your ear, while one of his hands creeps up to wrap around your neck. The pressure is gentle but firm, his fingers are placed exactly where they need to be to make you feel lightheaded and slightly delirious - everything you want and more.

“Do you still love me?” he pants as he thrusts into you harshly.

You blink, hesitating to answer that question.

“Fine, then answer me this, do you still love my cock?”

“Jungkook…” you sigh, tilting your head to the side. “Please don’t go there.”

He pretends he doesn’t hear you. “Tell me you’ve never had better,” he demands after flipping you over. Pulling your ass up towards him, he realigns his length with your center and thrusts back into you. One of his hands wraps around your waist, the other gets lost in your hair.

“Tell me how much you’ve missed me and my cock,” he growls into your ear as he slips out of you, only to ram back into you with all his strength.

Each thrust pushes you further into the bed and brings you closer to the edge. You’re biting the sheets to stop yourself from screaming out from the sinful pleasure.

“Fuck, I’ve missed this.” You moan uncontrollably while Jungkook continues his sweet torture. Lust, and possibly another L emotion, dripping off the words spilling from your mouth.

You couldn’t lie if you tried at this point. You’ve really missed this and him. And holy fuck, his cock too. “Oh my god, oh god!” you cry out. Waves of euphoria wash over your quivering body as you unfold around him.

The coil snaps deep inside you, your walls pulsating around him, sending shockwaves through his body as he finishes.

Jungkook moans your name one last time before feeling himself swell, and he fills the condom with his load. His thrusts slow down but don’t stop just yet.

It’s almost too much to handle, yet it’s still not enough. Jungkook knows this and reaches down to rub his thumb along your swollen clit, causing you to see starts as your next release comes, it sprays out of you involuntarily.

You freeze, not sure if you should embrace it or be embarrassed.

He grins, “That was fucking hot. I’ve never made anyone squirt before.” You feel a sense of pride hearing that. Good. You don’t want him to have it like this with anyone else. Woah, where did that thought come from?

Without missing a beat, Jungkook lifts your legs over his shoulders as he bends down so he’s face level with your heat. He admires your slit that’s still slick from his undoing. You moan uncontrollably the second he licks through your damp folds, lost on cloud nine while he buries his face in between your legs, hands on either side of them, holding you in place.

You’re writhing beneath him from the glorious torture of his tongue teasing your entrance, his nose purposefully rubs against your sensitive nub and two of his long fingers slide into you, curling at the right pace.

His rhythmic licks turn you into a quivering mess. Your insides twist and clench around his fingers as you come again, unashamed and all over his face this time.

“Fuck, you’re amazing,” he pants, moving back up toward the top of the bed and collapsing next to you, totally spent.

You kiss him messily, tasting yourself on his lips, and cuddle into his side as you both drift off into the night, sweaty and exhausted, just how it should be.

It’s early. You’re not sure how long you’ve both been in and out of sleep, but you know it’s almost time for you to leave. This is the longest you’ve spent in his bed since your break up. All the other late-night extravaganzas we’re just a couple of hours, if that.

You’re laying on his chest, listening to the sound of his steady heartbeat and your synced breathing, working up the energy to sit up. His fingers draw small circles on your back as you two rest. It’s surprisingly…peaceful. These are the moments you miss the most when you’re apart.

“I have a thing with the guys around tomorrow, well technically today. Want to come?” Jungkook asks out of the blue, his voice cutting through the silence.

“Can’t,” you decline, worried about where this conversation is about to go.

“And why is that, exactly?” he asks, even though he very well knows. You know he knows. He knows that you know that he knows. Which is frustrating, to say the least.

The previous peace you felt is short-lived. You sit up and lean on your elbow to look at him. “You know I’m going out with Taehyung now. You liked my Instagram pic of us together from earlier this week.”

“Well, I’m sorry to say that if you’re here with me, that must mean he’s either very boring or is terrible in bed. Or maybe both?” He leaves the question open-ended for you to answer.

You roll your eyes and start to get up, not in the mood to discuss this with him tonight, or ever really.

You don’t need to explain to him that Taehyung deserves so much more than someone who’s willing to cheat on him, and with an ex-boyfriend at that. You two haven’t exactly made things official but it’s still unbelievably inconsiderate of you to waste his time while you pine after Jungkook, a guy who dumped you four months ago but still refuses to give you up.

“No, don’t go,” he groans. “What I’m trying to say is-” he pauses, fighting whatever is going on in his brain. “I don’t want you seeing him anymore,” he says bluntly.

“Why?” You press, begging for any sort of answer.

“‘Cause…,” he says, holding back.

“Because why Jungkook, I need you to say more than that. I need you to be more, we can’t keep going on like this.”

“Because I love you, dammit!” He runs a hand through his hair and huffs. “Can’t you tell? Isn’t it obvious? I’m still hung up on you and don’t like seeing you moving on when I’m, I’m…stuck,” he breathes.

He loves you.

A moment passes.

He. Loves. You.

“Please say something. Anything.” He’s nervously searching your face for any sort of answer.

“I don’t know what to say.”

“Say that you’re still hung up on me,” he whines, pulling you back onto his chest.

Your voice softens, “You know that I am.”

He kisses you gently, making your heart flutter with the possibility.

“Then what’s stopping us?” He asks once your lips part from one another.

It’s your turn to huff, you have so much to say yet it’s all lost on you at this exact moment. Funny how that works, isn’t it?

“You’re the one who ended things.”

The streetlight shines in through his window, its light illuminating your body, highlighting your beautiful features that he just can’t get enough of. Why did he end things again?

“Yeah, well, I’m an idiot. What’s new?” he jokes, crawling over top of you, completely mesmerized by how gorgeous you are beneath him. He kisses you sweetly, his lips massaging yours as his heart pounds loudly in his chest. You didn’t say no. To Jungkook, that means there’s still a chance, and he’ll gladly take it.

One of his hands holds the back of your neck, tilting your head just the right amount for him to deepen the kiss. He moans into your mouth, his tongue playing with yours while his other hand finds its way between your legs.

A soft gasp escapes your lips when his fingers dip inside you. They twist and curl with perfect accuracy, bringing you closer and closer to bliss.

He has you practically begging for more, you’re already a panting mess. You reach for him, craving more, needing him closer but he refuses.

“Nope,” he grins playfully, pushing your chest gently so you lay back onto the bed, “I want to watch you come undone this time. I want to see you lose it when you come for me.”

Your back arches off the bed as you dance along the edge, squeezing your eyes shut you let his words do their magic.

“Be a good girl and come all over these fingers.” Your hips move helplessly, matching his speed as you chase the high.

“You’re luminous, absolutely divine, and all mine. Nobody can worship you as I do. Nobody else can make you feel this good.”

“No one compares to you,” you moan sensually as pleasure overtakes your body yet again, turning you into the mess he wants to see.

Your lips touch again after what feels like an eternity. “I’m glad you’re here,” he whispers, leaving another lazy kiss on your cheek, before moving to clean up the aftermath of your pleasures.

“Me too,” you say sleepily, pulling him back into your arms after he disposed of the condom. You feel yourself drifting off, about to fall into a soft slumber with your bodies entwined.

Jungkook grins, knowing he’s one step closer to convincing you to try again. He kisses you softly, lovingly, one more time before you both drift off into the early morning light.

©shadowkoo 2024. All rights reserved.

[dearly-somber]

Haircut | j.jk

-> pairing. wolf shifter!jungkook x human!reader (f)

-> genre. slow burn, fluff, f2l (friends-to-lovers), humor, found family, angst, drama, eventual romance, eventual smut, high school!au

-> w/c. 1982

-> rating. 13+

-> a/n. This ended so silly so goofy smdhjaheb

-> warnings. None!!

-> collection. mini-series

-> started. Aug. 14th, 2022 @ 19:49

-> fin. Thurs., Nov. 20th, 2023 @ 04:43

-> edited. Fri., Dec. 1st, 2023 @ 12:55

-> divider credit. @mmadeinheavenn

“You’re kidding right?”

Jungkook pouts, looking down at his hands with a furrow in his brow. “No…”

Y/N laughs, rocking forward to smack his knee familiarly. “You seriously got detention because your hair was too long? That’s ridiculous!”

“I know,” he whines, running a hand through said hair and sighing deeply as he lays back with his legs crossed, splaying his arms over the bed.

Y/N giggles as she stands, sympathetically patting his shoulder. “Is there really no way out of it?”

“Not unless I can book an appointment before school tomorrow.” Y/N cringes. “Yeah,” he sighs.

It’s so dumb. He didn’t get in trouble the entire week! Not one teacher mentioned it, and then during his last period on a Thursday evening, bam! Detention slip. And, obviously, it was from his least favorite teacher, Ms Kang, who he was pretty sure hated his guts for no other reason than she couldn’t fuck him. He’s honestly surprised that she hasn’t been reported for sexual harassment yet, but he swears if she touches his shoulder in class one more time…

Jungkook’s brought back to the present at the sound of drawers opening and closing, his attention piqued. The thing that spurs him into motion is the realization that Y/N is rummaging through his drawers and she might accidentally happen upon his underwear.

“What’re you looking for?” he asks, pushing up off the bed to sit with his feet hanging off the side.

“A comb.” She closes his sock drawer with a sigh. “Do you have one?”

His eyes flit to the hand she has wrapped around the dreaded underwear drawer handle. “In my bathroom. Why?”

She mutters to herself, “‘Course it’s in the bathroom, why didn’t I think of that?” Then, louder, “Wanna comb your hair first.”

“‘First’?” Jungkook repeats quizzically.

“Mm,” she hums, turning to him with a smile. “Gonna cut it for you.”

His eyes widen. “Seriously?”

“Sure!” She pulls him into the bathroom by his wrist, crouching to dig through his sink cupboard and turning back to him with a smile on her face and a comb in her hand.

“Uh…” Jungkook isn’t sure what to think. Does he like it when she plays with his hair? Yes. Does he trust her with his life? More than yes.

But his hair?

“I think I’d rather just go to detention…”

She punches his arm with a shake of her head. “My dad’s a barber, dickhead. I’m gonna get the water ready so long—can you change into swim shorts?”

“I…” Jungkook wants to say no and drag her back to bed so they could watch their silly little dramas and forget about how their plans to go to the movies tomorrow would be canceled because of some stupid detention slip, but Y/N’s eyes are sparkling and her voice is light, so he groans instead.

She smiles knowingly, turning her back to him as she starts fiddling with the handles in the bath, the water running as he goes to change, closing the bathroom door behind him.

He pulls his pants down and briefly considers changing out of his boxers before ultimately deciding to keep it on under the plain black swimming trunk he pulls out of his bottommost drawer.

He’s a little nervous for whatever Y/N has planned, but more than that, he’s excited. Whatever this is, he can feel deep in his stomach it’s going to be domestic and likely set his wolf off in the most pleasant way.

As he enters the bathroom, his eyes fall on Y/N. She’s standing inside the bath with her pants rolled up just under her knees, her shirt sleeves rolled up above her elbow, a comb and a bottle of shampoo in her hands.

“Well?” She beckons him closer. “What’re you waiting for?” Jungkook lets out a baffled laugh. She leads him inside the bathtub before gently pressing down on his shoulders so he’s facing the wall with his back to her, his legs crossed in front of him.

He feels Y/N slot her feet next to him, feels how her legs cocoon his arms. The water is pleasantly warm around his lap as she begins brushing through his unruly strands of hair.

She giggles softly. “I can’t believe you didn’t cut your hair,” she says, running her fingers through the hair at the nape of his neck.

“I didn’t think it was long enough to get me in trouble,” he grumbles with his eyes closed. “We grow our hair out all the time, so no one thought it would be an issue.”

Truthfully, Jungkook didn’t want to cut it because he knew Y/N liked it long, and wanted an excuse to keep it that way.

She tsks playfully, dragging the comb from the very top of his head (literally an inch short of his forehead) all the way down to the shorter strands of hair at his nape. “Guess it gives me an excuse to play with your hair, huh?”

“Guess so,” he mumbles, his chest warm and bubbly. “I didn’t know your dad was a barber,” he says.

“I guess it’s never really come up in conversation,” she replies, setting the comb aside and reaching for the detachable shower-head. She tests the temperature on her palm, water dripping onto the side of Jungkook’s arm before she interrupts with a little gasp, “Shit! I forgot about your shirt.”

“It’s fine.” Jungkook waves her off. “I’ll change into a different one when you’re done.”

“You’re sure?”

“Yeah.”

Jungkook imagines Y/N skeptically biting her lip. “Alright. Lemme know if the water’s too hot, yeah?”

Jungkook grunts as a reply, a soft noise leaving his lips without him meaning to at the feel of the water on his scalp.

She runs her fingers over his head, cupping her hands over his eyes to stop the water from going into his face.

“Did…did your dad teach you how to do all this stuff?” Jungkook asks, his brows furrowing as his wolf croons at the way Y/N lathers shampoo into his hair.

“Yeah, kinda,” she replies focused-sounding. “He took me to work sometimes, so I watched him a lot. Picked up on most of it that way, if I wasn’t asking questions.”

“That sounds really nice,” he mumbles distractedly, smiling softly at the image of baby-Y/N being taught how to wash one of those Barbie head’s hair properly.

“It was.” She makes sure to get the shampoo in the hair behind his ears as well. Jungkook can’t help but sigh contentedly, unable to find it in himself to care when Y/N giggles teasingly.

“You good?” she asks, a smile in her voice.

“Feels really nice,” Jungkook replies softly, his heart probably beating slow enough to make a cardiologist worry for his health.

After Y/N lathers the shampoo on, she rinses his hair out, applies conditioner, rinses that out, and then gently taps his shoulder. “C’mon Wolfy, let’s go downstairs.”

“Wolfy?”

“What?”

Jungkook smiles wide at her offended pout, throwing the towel she hands him over his shoulders. “Nothing, nothing.”

“Whatever,” she humphs. “Go down to the kitchen when you’re done changing so we can cut your hair.”

Jungkook salutes. “On it!”

🌕🌖🌗🌘🌑🌒🌓🌔🌕

“Okay, you ready?” Y/N asks, excitedly snipping the scissors next to his ear.

Even though Jungkook feels his stomach drop, he puts on a brave face. “Let’s go!”

Y/N grins, running the comb through his hair one last time before pulling the longer strands of hair at the nape of his neck between her forefinger and middle finger, waiting a second before quickly snipping off the hair.

“Your hair’s gotten so long…”

“Should you be talking right now? Shouldn’t you focus on not cutting off too much?”

“Yah!” Y/N laughs in disbelief as she smacks his shoulder with the fist she has closed around the comb, tsking disappointedly as she continues snipping at his hair. She moves strategically around the back of his head, eventually maneuvering around to the front to cut his bangs.

“Seriously though, your hair’s grown a lot. I didn’t think you’d ever let it get this long.” She brushes through his hair again.

“Why?” he asks with closed eyes, both to keep the conversation going and also out of genuine curiosity.

She shrugs. “I dunno. You just never seemed like a long-hair kinda guy? It looks good on you, though. The long hair, I mean.”

“What else would you mea—stop hitting me!” Jungkook pouts as he brings a hand up to rub at his bicep, scowling under his bangs.

“Just…shut up. Stop nitpicking everything I say.”

“Okay, okay, I’m sorry. Don’t be mad, eh?” He reaches out to tug at her shirt, smiling satisfied when she huffs defeatedly and pats his hand before she starts cutting bangs.

“All hairstyles look good on you, though. It’s kind of unfair, actually.”

Jungkook scoffs, letting his eyes drift closed as Y/N grabs the blow-dryer (which he assumes she brought down from one of the bathrooms) and plugs it into a socket on the wall. She starts it up, then immediately stops.

He turns his head to the side to look at her. “What?”

“I’ve never thought to ask, but does the sound not hurt your ears?”

Jungkook frowns for a second, then lights up in understanding the next. “Oh! No, not really. It’s loud, sure, but you’d have to have really sensitive ears for it to hurt.”

“Ah, okay.” Y/N nods as she puts one hand on his shoulder, standing behind him. “Just wanted to make sure I wouldn’t hurt you.”

As the blow dryer turns on and drowns out any attempt at conversation, Jungkook can’t help but smile to himself.

She doesn’t want to hurt him. That’s a relief. Hopefully, she won’t have to. Soon, right? At the very least, Jungkook knows any hurt isn’t intentional…

🌕🌖🌗🌘🌑🌒🌓🌔🌕

“Alright! We’re done!”

You set the dryer to the side as you pull the plug out of the socket, walking around to look at the finished product of your hard work, only to find him asleep.

You smile softly at the way Jungkook’s chin rests against his chest, lips slightly parted in sleep. His hair is not only shorter now (even though you kept some of the length, because you couldn’t find it in yourself to cut it all off), but it’s clean and fluffy and it makes you want to run your fingers through it.

Which you do—you reach out and card your fingers through his bangs and over his scalp, just kind of fondly staring at him while he sleeps, before realizing that that might be a bit weird.

“Jungkook?” Your voice is softer than you meant it to be, but you don’t mind. He’s so innocent when he’s asleep, it’s kind of awe-inducing. “Kookie?”

“Mngf?” Jungkook’s eyes open blearily, confusedly sitting straighter in his chair as he takes in his surroundings.

“I’m done, Koo. Go lay down on the couch if you’re feeling tired, you’ll hurt your neck.”

He grumbles something under his voice as he gets up from the chair, towering over you (damn his long legs).

Your eyes widen in surprise when Jungkook sleepily stumbles toward you, nuzzling into your neck as his arms wrap weakly around your middle. “Thanks, Bunny.”

You’re beyond happy that Jungkook can’t read minds, because in that moment you find yourself—for the split of a second—thinking about Jungkook in a not-so-best-friend way. “Sure, Kook.”

He drags himself to the couch, unceremoniously climbing over the back and flopping onto his stomach with a loud oof.

You press the back of your hands to your cheeks in order to cool them down, shaking yourself free of the stupid butterflies in your stomach as you grab a broom and sweep your best friend’s auburn hair out to the backyard.

Stupid haircut…

<- prev | next ->

[fckeddiemunson]

Take Me Upstairs - Eddie Munson

take me upstairs - rockstar!eddie munson

Synopsis: You run the local record shop and one day Eddie invites you to a show and one thing leads to another. 

Warnings: 18+ only MDNI. some fluff, smidge of angst, smut, p in v, unprotected sex, oral f & m receiving, slight choking if you squint. 

 A/N: Please be nice, this is my first fic I’ve written since I was a teenager xx 

4.5k 

There was one record shop in Hawkins, tucked away off the main street. It belonged to your uncle, but he was more of a figurehead of the business in his old age, you were there most days, running the shop. It was a dream, you got to speak to people about music all day, play whatever you wanted and no one would complain that it was too loud. Before you started the shop had a dark, dingy feeling to it, dust collected on the shelves and the old hardwood floor had nails sticking up everywhere. You had brightened up the place with a bright lick of paint, pot plants everywhere and you kept the latest stuff in stock of all the up and coming hits.

Eddie Munson had been a regular since your uncle had been working there. He would rush in on a Friday morning when all the new music was released and put on the shelves. Sometimes he would line up ten minutes before it opened to grab the only metal record available, because it was such a small town you only kept a little of everything at once. It was a Friday afternoon when he first met you, he was running late for a new album, he was sweating, worried it had already sold. He had parked his van half sticking out to the road in front of the store, tripped up the stairs, called hello to Ray, your uncle and speed walked to the metal section. He was startled when he heard your sweet, soft voice call back to him. He awkwardly shuffled through the cds on the shelves. Eddie smiled gleefully when he saw the new release, he seized it and kissed the cover, “Was worried I was too late for you darlin’” he whispered and walked up to the counter where you were standing with the new Kerrang edition in your hands. Eddies breath hitched when you moved the magazine away to serve him, you were phenomenal, eyes that were bright and inviting and the warmest prettiest smile he had ever seen.“You’re not Ray” he stated and then cringed at you, wow what an opener, he thought and stuttered out trying to say something else. 

You chuckled and leant on the counter, “No, I’m not Ray, I’m Y/N. You’re Eddie right? My uncle warned me about our regular metalhead” You smiled at him and held  your hand outstretched to shake Eddies. 

“Uh, yes I am Eddie, it’s nice to meet you too” He took your hand, stressing that his hand was sweaty and shook yours. Edde wasn’t usually this giddy when he met a girl, plenty of girls showed up to Corroded Coffin gigs now that they had gained a bit of traction in surrounding bigger towns. 

“I put this record on this morning before you got here, you’re in for a treat” You gestured to the Iron Maiden record in his hand, he handed it over to you grinning. “Oh yeah? Well I’m glad to hear it sweetheart, first thing I’m doing after this is blasting it all the way home in the van” Eddie said excited, feeling himself relax and lean against the counter. 

You gasped at his answer, “Oh my no! Eddie, your first listen to an album has to be special, right atmosphere, good stereo, not shitty car speakers!” you were horrified at the mere thought, you liked the ritual of putting a new album on for the first time. 

“Guess I’m just too impatient with masterpieces” Eddie winked at you and immediately regretted it as he handed over a bill to you. Why was he so awkward sometimes?! He groaned mentally. 

“Next time you’re in I expect a full report.” You told him, deadly serious. 

“Absolutely sweetheart.” Eddie left, looking once more behind him as he left, seeing you smiling to yourself as you picked up the magazine again. 

Eddie knew from that moment he was fucked. Nobody at any shows would ever compare. The next day he sauntered back into the store, hoping you were working on a weekend, he was disappointed to know that your brother worked the weekend as you liked to attend as many gigs as you could on the weekend.

Eddie was back in the shop Monday morning, a grin on his face as he tumbled into the store. He called out your name and your head popped up from one of the rows near the back as he followed you down there. 

“Heya sweetheart” Eddie said, leaning against the shelf. 

“Hey yourself. What did you think of the album?” You asked excitedly, he thought you looked so cute all excited and chirpy 

“It was like a religious experience and i ain’t had many of them let me tell you” you giggled at him and began searching through the shelves again. 

“Let me show you something else, you don’t have to buy it, just borrow it for the day and see if you like it?” you picked out a few cds and handed them over. 

“Are you sure sweetheart?” He looked over them, not hearing of some of the bands before

“Yeah sure I’ll be glad to hear your thoughts.” Eddie got suddenly excited that you wanted him to come back, and that Eddie had to come back to see you thrilled him. 

“Hey, could watch the shop for a minute while i go grab a coffee and pastry?” Eddie heard your stomach growl and he chuckled 

“Nonsense, it’s on me, for the cds” You smiled at him and thanked him as he left for coffee. 

You bit into the delicious flaky pastry, a bit sticking to your mouth 

“Oh you’ve got a bit of-“ Eddie gestured to your cheek. You desperately tried to brush it off after several attempts Eddie reached towards you, his hand gently brushing it off. 

“There you go” Eddie whispered as he brushed it off and you both blushed. 

You two had become closer over the last few months. He would often spend up to an hour at closing time when it was quiet just helping you tidy up and then walking you to your car. And when he was in at opening he would bring you coffee and pastries fresh from the cafe down the road. You were getting attached to him, you didn’t want to admit it. Hawkins was the last place you thought you’d end up but after a bad run in Los Angeles as a bartender, you thought you needed a change and it all fell into place. At first you thought Eddie’s extensive amount of time in the shop was normal, your uncle had warned you he was there a lot. But Ray tended to exaggerate with these things. Eddie was always on your mind, as soon as you got to the shop and opened up. Your head would whip around to the door every time the little bell dinged as the door opened. He was sweet and funny and a little flirty which often made your cheeks heat up. You were hoping he’d make a move but it had been a few months now and Eddie would still just come in to talk to you.

Eddie waited in a cafe around the corner from the record store, grabbing you your regular latte and pastry. He had some CD’s of his own to give you this time and he was very excited about it. This new found hobby he had of obsessively listening to the CD’s you gave him and thinking about what to give you next was his favourite pastime. Eddie was thinking about asking you out on a date but outside of being on stage he was a bit shy and you were the first girl to mean something to him beyond a girl at a show. 

 He walked towards the record store, checking his hair in a nearby store window and walked into the shop. He noticed you weren’t at the counter so he wandered through checking out the new releases, he heard your sweet laugh trickle through the store and he also heard another man’s voice speaking to you as you giggled. Eddie didn’t know what it was about but he felt immediately annoyed, his eyebrow raised as he lurked around the shop finding you in the back corner. He saw you talking to a tall dark haired man also with tattoos on his arms. Inside him was pure turmoil - partially because he knew he was overreacting but part because he really didn’t want any suspicion of his to be right. 

“Eddie!” You shouted excited, too loud for the small space. 

“You have to meet Luke! He was a bartender with me in California!! He was passing through town.” You spoke with adoring eyes for Luke, or so Eddie thought. He also thought it was bullshit, no one passes through Hawkins. 

Eddie strained “Nice to meet you” before Luke gave you a quick hug and you two said your goodbyes. 

After he left Eddie awkwardly gave you the pastry and coffee, watching as you took a bite. 

“Is he ah, an ex?” Eddie found himself spilling out before he could stop. 

“Oh, ah no just a friend who helped me out when I was there. Bit weird he stopped by though.” You shrugged and the pit in Eddie’s stomach slowly got smaller, he felt ridiculous to feel such jealousy for you. 

“Okay sugar, I’ve got band prac so I’ve got to go but ah here’s some Cd’s i think you should hear. Let me know, yeah?” You smiled warmly at Eddie and his heart swelled in his heart and jeans. 

You blew him a kiss as he walked to the door and Eddie swore under his breath as he walked to his van. Oh yeah he was totally fucked. 

 You knew he had a band that was slowly gaining traction and getting out there. It was his dream and  you had passionately spoken about it with him. Watching him talk about the band and getting excited about getting out there more made you swoon. The way his smile lit up the entire shop, it was cheeky and earnest. And his eyes that were constantly on yours, his intense eye contact often made you lose  your breath but you loved his attention. You had even started stocking the EP they had released, and playing it in store to spark conversation with other customers so you could gush over him. 

Eddie rushed in one Friday morning a few weeks after running into Luke, you peaked through the window seeing the rest of his band in the van, looking packed in with gear. 

“Morning sugar” His usual charm on high volume, he was in an excellent mood. The band had gotten a  huge gig at a bar in a nearby town. It had a venue room that held about 500 people, and for them that was epic. Beyond huge, the biggest they had ever played somewhere, and away from home too! 

“Would you mind putting this up in the window? I want as many people to come tomorrow night as they can!” You looked over the poster, a smile crept onto your face as your eyes met Eddies and you bit your lip in excitement for him. 

“Of course Eddie. I’m so ecstatic for you! This is huge, your big break for sure. I will play nothing but Corroded Coffin all day!” You did a little hop skip of excitement around  the counter and punched his arm. 

“Seriously, super proud of you.” Eddie blushed at your words and looked at you once more before deciding to pull you into a crushing bear hug. You inhaled him, strong and musky, it made you warm inside. 

“You better be coming tonight sweetheart.” He winked at you before there was a honk from the van, his bandmates clearly getting impatient. He gave them the finger and looked back at you. 

“Seriously, I’ll put your name on the door, as you’re the only one in town who will stock the record.” 

“Eddie I am the  only record shop in town” you whined but he only smirked and gave your arm a quick squeeze before he ran out the door. 

You heard the boys in the van all “whoooo” at the same time and you saw Eddie go bright red as they drove away 

You stood in your room hours later, hair in rollers, stressing about which outfit to wear. This wasn’t a normal gig where you’d just throw on any old jeans and a ripped up old shirt. This was Eddie's big gig, you didn’t want to get lost in the crowd, you wanted him to know you were there supporting him. You settled on jeans anyway and an Iron Maiden shit, reminiscent of your first conversation. You tucked it in showing your stomach and went to the bathroom stressing about your hair and makeup. 

Once you got inside the venue, you were excited but got a little disheartened at all the stunning girls at the gig. You felt like you couldn’t compare to these bombshells. You shot another drink for good luck, nodding your head along to the opening band. The butterflies in your stomach only intensified as they finished and everyone started closing in for Eddie. You usually got keen for gigs but you felt extra giddy and bouncy as it was his band, he had your heart in chains and he didn’t even know it. You settled for a spot a few rows back from the stage, snug against a wall. There were too many girls crowding the front to get any closer. The lights dimmed and you were smiling at the stage, nerves flying off of you in static waves. 

Eddie came out on stage with his signature red guitar, tight black skinny jeans, a ripped up singlet that showed his biceps and tattoos and red boots. Eddie was also the vocalist and he sauntered up to the microphone, mouth close to it and welcomed and thanked the crowd for coming. There were a few cheers but mostly loud squeals from the few girls in the first couple of rows.

The first song played and the riff ripped through the venue, you were hooked. It was like ecstasy, his voice and playing sent you into a frenzy. You were headbanging in time with the guy next to you and shouting out the lyrics. A small mosh broke out and you pushed to be in the mosh, having the most fun you’d had at a show. Their presence was electrifying and the whole crowd could tell they were witnessing something special. 

Eddie was the most charismatic frontman. So much so that during one of their dirtier songs he lent down and started singing to her, eyes staring directly into the girl's soul, her hands were on his legs grabbing and touching. He did the same to a few other girls throughout the set. You felt like you had been punched in the gut. You sank to the back of the crowd. You knew it had to be part of the show and his presence but the way he sang to them hurt you more than you could admit. You suddenly didn’t feel special, Eddie had this way of making you feel like you were the queen in his kingdom. He was so charismatic and charming and on stage it was amplified. You slumped against the back wall of the venue, now replaying all the closing chats you had where you talked about your hopes, dreams and fears. Before the gig you were sure he likes you at least a little bit in the way your heart swelled at the mention of his name. Seeing him sing to the girls reminded you that he treated every girl the way he did with you and you tried to enjoy the end of the show without feeling sorry for yourself. 

After the gig ended you headed back out and lingered around the main bar for a while, nursing a gin and tonic deciding if you should go knock on the shared dressing room for the boys. Being on the list gave you certain advantages. Out of the corner of your eye you saw one of his bandmates, Gareth, gesturing for you to come over, he was headed back with a tray of drinks.Gareth had been in the store with Eddie a bunch of times. You drew a deep breath, scared to face Eddie feeling sad about unreturned feelings, but your feet started moving towards the backstage door. 

You followed through the door behind Gareth and were met with several girls in the dressing room, all giggling and one sitting very close to Eddie, hand on his arm who had his back to you on the couch. You awkwardly stood near the door as Gareth hustled to the table to set the drinks down. 

“Look who found her way here” Gareth nudged Eddie, who tore himself away from the girl on the couch, she looked at you intensely. 

Eddie grinned at you, you felt your heart twinge at the sight, beating faster with anxiety as he came closer to you. He handed you a beer and you skulled a few sips with him. You were loose tongued when you were tipsy and you were worried you may just pour your feelings out onto him and he would go back to the table of groupies. 

Instead you pulled yourself together, “That was one hell of a show Eddie '', he clinked his bottle against yours, biting his lip as you said that. You averted your eyes from his lip biting, knowing any kind  of light flirting would make you sad knowing if you didn’t walk in he would probably be making out with that girl. 

“I know right! I was worried you weren’t here, couldn’t see you in the crowd” he pouted at you and your heart strings pulled, heart filling with warmth for him against your wishes. You didn't want to be hurt. 

“I was in the mosh mostly, too far back to see me. That's why my hair is all messed up.” you gestured to your wavy poofy hair. 

“You have never looked more spectacular than you do right now. You’re gorgeous” 

Eddie reached up and tucked a bit of hair behind your ear, your heart hammering as he did. You both audibly heard the girl on the couch scoff. 

“Let's get some air?” Eddie suggested and you nodded. 

You found yourself in a cozy corner of the smokers area, falling into conversation easily with Eddie as he lit up a cigarette and another round of drinks had made its way to your table, perks of being the band playing. Your inhibitions were lowering and you were gaining confidence when you said, “do you usually fuck all those girls in your dressing room after shows?” 

Eddie was taken aback by the question. You had talked about your love lives before, exes and the like but never about something like this. Eddie looked at your face, he could tell you were annoyed by the girl he was speaking to before. Eddie hesitated

“I used to sleep with one or two, once our shows started getting a bit bigger. But I’m not really a one night stand person.” You considered, a little more annoyed than you originally thought. 

“Yeah but if I hadn’t showed up to distract you, you would’ve fucked that girl in there tonight” You acccused, taking a swig of your drink. 

“No I wouldn’t have! If anything, her conversation was a distraction. And what about your friend from Cali huh?” Eddie argued back. You blamed the alcohol for why you were feeling this way but you couldn’t stop now 

“He means nothing! Don’t turn this on me, Eddie. it’s almost shameful how intimate you are with those girls in the crowd.” You strained, you felt a lump in your chest, heaving with every word. 

“Sweetheart, that's just for the show, got to get everyone riled up!” You didn't say a word and he sighed, placing a hand on your knee and rubbing it. Eddie swallowed hard 

“You know I-.. I haven’t even thought about kissing anyone. Anyone at all except you darlin’. I don’t even think about other women like that, I only ever think about you” Eddie searched your face for some sign of reaction. His hand on your knee moved to lift your chin up to meet his eyes. 

“Eddie, you make me feel things I have never felt before. And- and I'm scared to get hurt.” You whispered out, looking into Eddie's warm brown eyes, breathless at your admission. Eddie placed his hand on your bar stool and dragged it as close as possible.  His knee nestled in between your legs, your thighs touching. Eddie cupped your cheek, letting his hand run down to your neck, thumb trailing along your jaw to your mouth. He had brought his face closer to yours, your hearts hammering together in sync.

He ran his thumb over your bottom lip and you kissed lightly. Eddie stared at you, his hand slithering to the back of your neck to pull you closer to him, your lips a mere inch apart. 

He cupped your neck and jaw again, before you lost your composure and lent in, brushing your lips against his plush ones. He exhaled sharply, bringing his other hand up to cup your jaw with both hands as he shifted close to you and entangled your lips again. You gasped as he sucked in your bottom lip, fiercely kissing you. Your hand fumbled for his shirt and collar, desperate to feel him. Eddie took a breath and before he could move, you kissed him again, licking his bottom lip as his tongue met yours and slid over your bottom lip into your mouth. You moaned against him, hand clutching and squeezing his thigh. Eddie stood up, pressing his body into yours. Eddie pulled back from the kiss  to look at you, your lips were swollen, lipstick smearing a bit onto his lips. 

“Look at you, shit, all fucked out and I haven’tt even gotten started” he whispered, hand behind your neck  pulling  you close as he nuzzled into your neck. He kissed your neck lightly, testing the waters as you gasped and let your hand disappear into his curly locks. Eddie kissed and nipped and sucked at your neck, you felt your pussy warm and clench everytime he would bite and suck, each time with more vigor and lust. You could feel Eddie’s dick against you. That alone made you whimper against him. 

“I have a room upstairs, we have a gig tomorrow so I figured why not-” You cut Eddie off with a bruising kiss, tangling your hands in his hair. 

“Yes, take me there” You whimpered out, completely under his control and absolutely soaking for him. 

He grabbed your arm, leading you back inside and up a stairway, you stumbled into his room, breathless.

Eddie pushed you against the wall and engulfed you in a kiss, fire exploded in your stomach as you sunk down to your knees, staring up at him, his eyes full of lust. 

“I have been wanting to do this for a long time” You whispered, fumbling with his belt on his pants. 

“Oh yeah? I’ve dreamed of seeing you on your knees for me” Eddie grabbed your chin and angled it to look up at him, satisfied at the already fucked out look you had on your face. You shimmed his jeans down a bit, stopping briefly, suddenly nervous to see him for the first time. Eddie instead took over, you looked down as he took his cock in his hand, stroking it up and down, groaning as he did. 

“Look at me sweetheart.” Eddie said down to you, a command, not a question. Your eyes slowly crept up, you let out a breath seeing his cock at eye level, much bigger and prettier than you were expecting. Eddie tapped it on your lips once before you took him in your mouth, licking the tip and then sucking in, until he hit the back of your throat. You breathed out harshly, refusing to let him slide out. 

Eddie groaned deeply above you, sending waves between your legs, you moaned against him as you continued to suck greedily. 

“Makin’ me feel so good baby, so good”  Eddie mumbled lustily above you, entangling his hand in your hair and forcing more of him into your mouth, you groaned at the sensation. Eddie moved your head back and forth on his dick, your jaw slack for him, his moans were sending you into a frenzy, you gagged on him once before he slid out of your mouth. 

“Dirty girl” he muttered, pulling you up and kissing you, tongue invading your mouth. His hands wrapped around you, his big hands grabbing your ass, he tested the waters by giving it a sharp slap and you gasped, convinced you’re dripping through your underwear. 

Eddie pushed you onto the nearby bed, his weight crushing as he undid your jeans and dragged them off you, pulling you to the edge of the bed as he did. His hands ran over your bare thighs, thumbs digging in at the apex of your thighs. He teased your underwear waistband, snapping it against your skin before dropping his head right between your thighs, strong hands spreading them for him, and only him. He thumbed the cloth, right against your clit and you let out a whine that turned into a moan as he  kissed your clit through the thin cloth. Eddie hooked his finger under the waistband and pulled them down slowly, spreading your legs once again. He slid his finger through your folds, you let out a whimper as he gathered your slick on his fingers and brought it to mouth, sucking it off. 

“Just as sweet as I’d thought you’d be baby” Eddie grinned before thumbing your clit slowly, your head rolled back on the bed as he drew slow teasing circles on you, occasionally teasing your tight hole. He sunk his teeth into your thigh, short sharp breaths coming from you as you almost fell apart over Eddies touches. 

“Please” You whimpered to him, Eddie’s wicked grin lighted his face. 

“Please what?” he teased, his hand abruptly stopping on your cunt. 

“Please… fuck me” you writhed on the bed, desperate for pleasure. 

“No, I'm not done with you yet.” Eddie growled and pinned your left thigh down and spread your folds, slipping two fingers inside of you, a high moan escaping your lips. 

Eddie’s fingers were long and found that sensitive spot inside you quickly as his fingers moved deliciously inside you, filthy noises escaping your mouth at the squelch of your wetness on his fingers. He thumbed your clit at the same time, you felt your build up quickly, but something felt different, more intense as his fingers relentlessly brought you higher and higher. 

“Eddie” his name left in a high pitched whine, your hips lifted off the bed as you felt your release flood through you, you shivered, lifting your hips off the bed. You felt extra wet as Eddie continued to fuck you with his fingers, you twitched beneath him, overstimulated. 

“Thats it good girl, good fucking girl.” He praised as his movements slowly came to a stop. 

You lay on the bed breathless, hair sticking to your neck, but Eddie wasn’t near done yet. 

“You squirted sweetheart, have you done that before or was it all for me?” Eddie crawled onto you, settling between your legs, tugging his hard cock as he did. 

“All for you, only for you” You replied, looking up at him. His chest lean, arms muscular and covered in tattoos, his face strained as he jerked himself off. Eddie suddenly grabbed your hips and pulled  you close to him, kissing you deeply as he slid in, a sharpness you weren’t expecting as he stilled inside you. 

“Come on sweet girl, you can take me.” Eddie peppered kisses onto your face as he moved slowly, long languid thrusts into your tight dripping pussy. 

Pleasure slowly took over you and you hooked your arms around his ass, pulling him tight against you, needing to feel him everywhere, the feeling of Eddie was addictive. 

Eddie brought his hand to your neck, running his thumb over your lip which you took into your mouth eagerly, earning a deep moan from Eddie above you. Eddie snapped his hips to yours, pressing your legs above your shoulders as his thrusts became faster and deeper. 

You were moaning loudly, not caring if the whole hotel heard you, your eyes shut tightly as he deepened the angle of his hips. You had never felt so full in your life, Eddie kept fucking you, his balls slapping on your leg. Eddie's hand found your clit, rubbing slowly again, you whimpered under his touch, unsure how much more you could take. Your breath was ragged, you were so close.

“Eddie I’m gonna-” Eddie chuckled and stopped his movements, you groaned loudly beneath him as he withdrew from you. 

“Nononono” you whined, jerking your hips up to nothing, as he moved to stand on the edge of the bed. He grabbed your ankles, yanking you to the edge and forced your head down into the mattress. 

You whined and shook your ass in front of him. 

“Eddie, please” you started playing with yourself in front of him, needing him. 

He tapped himself over your clit a few times, making you move your hand as he pushed your back down further into the bed while holding your hips up for him. Eddie slid back in, that familiar full feeling returning as he thrusted against you, his balls slapping your clit each thrust. 

“Fuck you feel so good from this angle, so good for me, so wet sweetheart” Eddie was losing it because of you, each thrust sent him closer and closer, he felt the familiar warming in his lower stomach. 

Eddie reached round and rubbed circles on your clit and you let out a loud moan, hips moving with his. You felt your stomach tighten as his cock continued to fill you up, each thrust sending you closer. 

“Eddie” you warned him, high pitched moans stringing out of your mouth. 

You crashed over the edge as Eddie fucked hard and deep into you, every word fell from your mouth as you moaned for him, he gave a final thrust before a deep gutteral moan left his lips, his hot come spilling into you. 

“Fuck sweetheart” His deep voice groaned as he collapsed next to you. 

You stayed there for a few moments staring at each other in the post hue of sex, he was smiling widely at you. 

“I suppose I better take you on a date now huh?” He said wiping his hair from his face and tying it into a bun 

“Yeah you better rockstar”

[contentloadingandstuff]

Blog Masterlist

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Genshin Impact ✨

Fluff

Parenting Headcanons, or genshin girls as mothers: Raiden Ei, Kujou Sara & Lisa | Dehya & Beidou | Ningguang & Miko | Eula & Keqing | Ayaka & Jean | Candace | Mona, Yelan & Shenhe | Cloud Retainer

Cuddling Headcanons: Ganyu & Ningguang | Jean, Shenhe & Ayaka

Family fluff with Miko and Ei

Drinking with Rosaria & Eula!

Injury fluff with Yelan and Sara

Family fluff with Miko: Rules for the little ones

Jealousy Bits - Shenhe, Mona and Ei | Yae Miko, Ganyu and Keqing

The Hunt For Forgotten Treasure - Beidou & GN!Reader

"Ningguang's Dog" - Ningguang x Male!Reader

So about the parenting Headcanons... - Miko, Sara & Ei

Parenting headcanons: Ei & Miko and their views on dating

A unique encounter - Jean, Ningguang & Ei x Bioweapon!Reader

Gym imagines with Shinobu!

Coming home to Lumine!

On Wings of Freedom - Barbara x Male!Reader

Hu Tao x Doctor!Reader

Lisa x Male!Reader Oneshot - Library Duty

Hanging Out With Them - Male!Reader x Platonic!Tall Genshin Men

Cheering them up - Male!Reader x Platonic!Qiqi & Platonic!Klee

Voicelines About You - Inazuma Girls

🎉Celebrating Hu Tao's Birthday!

Hurt/Comfort

A quiet evening - Eula x Male!Reader

Miko, Ningguang and Yelan comforting a small Male!Reader

Dance To Forget - Nilou x Male!Reader

A Miner's Fate - Kujou Sara x Male!Reader

Comfort After A Nightmare - Lumine x Male!Reader

Smut

Nsfw headcanons: Ningguang & Yae Miko | Candace & Nilou | Dehya & Kujou Sara | Eula, Jean & Yelan | Raiden Ei & Shenhe | Keqing & Yoimiya | Kamisato Ayaka & Ganyu | Kuki Shinobu | Rosaria & Lisa | Cloud Retainer | Hu Tao & Mona | Yanfei & Kirara | Yun Jin & Kokomi

Anal headcanons with Inazuma girls! | Liyue Girls Edition! | Mondstadt + Sumeru Edition!

Loyalty Rewarded - Dom!Ei x Male!Reader x Kujou Sara

Addicted - Nymphomaniac!Ei x Male!Reader

Facesitting headcanons with Inazuma girls!

NSFW Alphabet - A - Beidou, Shenhe and Ningguang

Ayaka & Kokomi x Sub!Male!Reader

Pegging Headcanons w/ Shenhe, Ningguang & Keqing!

Keqing, Yoimiya & Ganyu x Sub!Male!Reader

Asking the hardcore girls for more!

A Fair Deal - Yelan x Kuki Shinobu x Male!Reader

Helping Miko with her heat! And Ganyu too!

Overstim with Kokomi and Ganyu

Hers - Dom!Ei x Sub!Miko x Dom!Male!Reader

Patronage For The Worthy - Nilou x Incubus!Male!Reader

Sacrum and Profanum - Sub!Rosaria x Dom!Male!Reader

Dom!Male!Reader x Sub!Candace & Sub!Dehya & Sub!Nilou

Break Time - Jean x Male!Reader

A Little Jealous - Dom!Yelan x Male!Reader

Angst

Love and Betrayal: Yelan and Kujou Sara x Fatui!Reader + Injury hurt/comfort + Aftermath (Bad Ending)

Scaramouche, Kaedahara Kazuha and Childe forced to kill Reader

Breaking up with them: Jean & Keqing | Yelan & Shenhe | Ei & Yae Miko

Dottore segment!Reader x Lumine

Death - Platonic!Childe x GN!Reader

(Necro AU) Unfaithful - Undead!Reader x Ei & Ganyu

At The Dead Of Night - Ganyu x Male!Reader

Dark Days - Keqing & Ganyu x Male!Reader

Whump

The Fox and the Hare: Evil!Miko x Male!Reader

The Magic Whistle: Gorou whump drabble

Other

Necro AU masterlist

Combat tierlist: How well the Genshin characters do in serious fights

A bucket of random ideas

The Shrine Incident - Genshin Imagines

Poll - Reader types! (7.06.2023 - 14.06.2023)

Poll - contentloadingandstuff's content! (7.06.2023 - 14.06.2023)

Diss track on Undead from Warlords Battlecry 3 (cringe warning)

Whump 💀

Dental whump ideas!

Non-human whumpee ideas!

Food whump ideas!

Whump alphabet!

Thank you all!

[iamjellyfish]

The idol soldier. | part 2

Part 1

A/n: I f*cking cringe reading my first fics, I deeply apologize to anyone having to deal with the part one. Anyways, I’m not out of hiatus yet, I finished writing my oneshot to be review but I barely want to draw so I might as well as writing something else for a change.

So-, let's try our best to finish this series so I can write smut for y’all.

Second note: this fic take place after the manga and uh, everyone lived! (Idc Shinomiya Isao is my father figure HAHAHA)

Warning: angst, hurt/no comfort- yet, multiple angst trope, the angst demon got me again rahhh. Prob OOC (I’m practicing writing Hoshina’s accent like how other writer do).

Summary: Soshiro proves to you that the life-fighting kaiju isn’t stable enough for love, so the idol soldier second-guesses her decision. She was urged by her manager to return to being an idol, pressure from fans and companies takes a toll on y/n. Would you leave? Or despite all of it, would you stay?

“Guess Jelly really only belongs on stage.”

You mutter into your knees as you hug it and sigh tiringly. The dim light of the phone still reflects into your eyes even if you don’t want to see it. It was the chat between you and Soshiro, your current boyfriend, the one that melted your idol heart and flew you to the moon, but he was a busy man – he is a vice-captain after all. You don’t want to be selfish, you really do, but you also don’t want to be second-priority to him.

17:01 Y/n: Soshiro <3 Do you wanna go get some street food near the base?

17:23 Soshiro: Sorry darling, works.

17:24 Y/n: Oh- okay.

18:00 Soshiro: I will make up for ya alright? How about yer’ treat yourself something nicely?

Soshiro sent you some cash.

18:01 Y/n: You don’t have to! Really.

18:59 Soshiro: Nah, bae. Treat urself, yer’ my princess. ILY alright? Gtg.

19:00 Y/n: Oh, okay. I will come over as usual alright?

Soshiro left you on seen and heart your message.

You know to the man, work is his first priority, work is his life. Soshiro even told you his past one time and you will forever remember every word of his because that is when you realize, you, y/n, and Jelly is his second priority. Blades and works will be his first priority for a long time, heck, you even think the time you retire as an idol or release your 100th album, Soshiro will still have blades and work as his first priority. And Soshiro knows this too, he tries to make up for you by gifting expensive gifts, giving you cash, and letting you sleep over at his place on the base.

Now is 11 pm, and you already prepared everything to wait for Soshiro to come back. The bed? You wash the sheet at 5 in the morning, and by the afternoon, it is soft and clean (Soshiro is a clean man, you just like to help him with cleaning so he can rest after a work day). You decorate it a little with your stuffed animals, and you make sure everything is perfect for Soshiro when he comes back. So laying on the bed, finger-swiping on social media on a secret account of yours, you wait for Soshiro, your man to return home.

Yours e/c eyes scan through the posts, fingers clicking on the “save pictures” button on posts where they have Soshiro’s picture, fan cam, or edits. After a while, a viral post popped up, it was about you.

“The mysterious disappearance of Jelly, the successful idol” was the post’s title. The context of it is just theories on why you disappear for a good long while, even if songs are still released but your appearance was kept at a minimum. You admit you do it on purpose to chase being a JAKDF and of course, being with Soshiro. But you still shoot the music video, still pump out goods, you made sure even if you lower your appearance as Jelly, it would be covered up with excuses like “health issue” “problem with the company” etc…

But seems like it still isn’t enough. The post only covers theories like “Jelly secretly quitting” or “Jelly might have serious health problems”, the worst one is probably “Jelly is secretly got bullied and done dirty by the company”. Not a problem, just let the post die down and everything will be fine-

“JELLY MIGHT QUIT BEING AN IDOL FOR HER SECRET LOVER”.

Fuck fuck fuck. Someone definitely leaking this one out. You’re in deep trouble. In fact, you doubt the post could die down because the post is growing too fast and those damn news channels already covering this. The proof is just blurry images of you and Soshiro, even with just 3 burry images, the fans are already in rage (You are kinda a bit sad and graceful at the same time that Soshiro are too busy to even go on a date with you). But now, you’re afraid of what could happen, what if they doxx Soshiro? What if they found out? Nope, too dangerous.

Ring. Ring. Ring.

You pick up the phone only to be get yell at by the manager.

“Great! Look at our Jelly! Have fun being a Disney princess chasing after some guy? Because we are having a meltdown because of you! If only you weren’t the fan favorite, we would have let you go- “

You want to cry so much; you want to counter ‘But it's Soshiro!’ but you know damn well your manager doesn’t give a shit. And now with everything going down, you know full well that you going to be too dangerous for anyone involved, even for Soshiro. You don’t want to bring him any distress, and you don’t even think you could handle the fan’s rage and Soshiro giving you the second-place treatment at the same time, your poor heart with crack into a million pieces. After a good while of yelling and berating, your manager finally spoke up.

“Alright, Y/n. Here is what gonna do, I have forced to quit you from the JAKDF. Tomorrow morning, you leave. Am I clear? I will send the details later but finish your fairy tale love story because this is the last time you see him.”

“Yes ma’am.”

You said as she cut the call. Your eyes teary as her words finally hit you and it hurts. Never seeing Soshiro again? That’s your worst nightmare! But you know you can’t easily quit being an idol, contracts, and lawsuits, you can’t risk it. As you finally fix yourself up, it is already past midnight and Soshiro finally returns, he fumbles on his words as he realizes how late it is.

“Oh- my, sorry princess, I got carried away when training.”

He smiles, trying to hide his guilt as he walks to the bed and lies down beside you. You just nodded, you couldn’t even be angry right now, not at him, not when you knew you might never see him again. You let it pass, just like every time. Tonight, you will cherish every second, every touch of his… as long as possible. So you pull him into a kiss and cuddle him, Soshiro doesn’t think much but accepts your affections like normal. 

3 in the morning. You packed your stuff, Soshiro is still asleep but you couldn’t even sleep. You spend a good long while staring into his face, trying to remember every single detail, every feature of his. You wish to never forget it, to never forget him. You left him a note simply saying “Let’s break up. Goodbye.”, you couldn’t bring yourself to tell him the truth, you just hoped that he would think you’re a brat that don’t understand his priority so you left.

And with that, you left. Without a trace.

Mina of course know this, but she was asked to keep a secret about the details. She couldn’t tell Soshiro why you left anyway, she knows how broken he could get if he knew the truth. So she kept it a secret.

The sun was warm today, this is the first time Soshiro would find himself waking up and you’re nowhere to be found. He didn’t think much, normally he would wake up before you, give you a little peck on the cheek, and go on with his day. Before he left, he suddenly recognized there was a note on the table, and his hand reached out to open it, “Let’s break up. Goodbye.”, you were broken up with him? No, is it because you felt left out again? Is it because he didn’t take his time to go out with you again? Or is it because he messed up somehow?

That didn’t matter now, he needed to talk with you. As he pulls out his phone, he realizes you sent him a huge cash with a message “Here is everything you gave me, I will return it to you. The gifts will be sent back to you a few days later”. Soshiro was shocked, he wanted to call you, to text you but you blocked him. He texted Mina and Okonogi for answers but they both can’t really answer much.

Soshiro literally begged in his head that somehow you would unblock him and let him have chance to explain. But his past came back haunting him, how could he not realize how secretly hurt you are? How could he not realize all the hints? You were hurt and now his princess is leaving him forever. Right now, he has no way to contact you, so with a heavy heart, he has to surrender for now.

A few months later, shortly after you broke up with Soshiro, you returned to be an idol and have been thriving since. You did have to make an apology saying you were suffering from health problems, and that you didn’t want to make fans worry so you had to limit your appearance and surprisingly everyone was buying it. The scandal died down after that, thankfully.  

Jelly has been releasing new albums and you have to prepare for concerts so you have to practice extra hard for those. As you said goodbye to your group members, you quickly returned to check your phone before returning to your dorm.

“Hm... nothing much.”

You said as you read through the posts. You did have to block Soshiro everywhere and even stuff about him on the internet or else you gonna brawl your eyes out crying. But then, something caught your eye, it was a post about you, basically just dating rumors with another male famous idol. You recognize him as an idol you met only a few times, exchanged small talks, and got interviews with, but nothing much. But seems like it was enough for fans to start rumors, you chuckle to yourself. In this field, some idol even plays the couple of games for extra clout from rumors but it usually ends up dying down or overlapping with other trends.  You could never do that though, but you could sense that your manager might want that.

And you were right. 

In the next few interviews, you were asked to drop hints that further make the rumors about your dating more ‘real’. You didn’t think much of it but oh boy, Soshiro was deeply hurt. He goes on a spiral, and when he finds out about the rumors, the man already thinks about it “What if he treats her better so she left me to be with him?” “Did she really think dating an idol is better for her?” “Did he treat her right?”. But you double down and make it worse by dropping little innocent hints here and there, making everything worse. The tea was hot and you made it extra boiling.

“Oh, I think (idol-name) is really cool, he is really kind.”

“My type is probably someone that can understand how hard it like being an idol.”

Your eyes would exchange a little innocent look to his eyes and Soshiro already knows he hate it. He misses you deeply, and sometimes he even thinks about being an idol so he can be with you. He even went and begged Mina to somehow contact you and beg you to return, Soshiro thought that he might actually be dead this time. The moment the viral video of you and the idol helping each other for a gameshow, Soshiro wants to bury himself 6 feet under.

You’re really cruel to him, at least right now. But even if you were the cruel poison, he will still drink it down, because it’s you. When Soshiro thinks about it, he realizes how important you are to him, he can’t afford to lose you, and he can’t get over you. He will do anything just to see you again, even if it’s something he might regret. So when the ticket to meet you after the concert lottery was announced, Soshiro thought he have used all his life luck to pull the ticket. He was happy is the simplest answer.

So when the time comes, you walk on stage, singing and dancing. Soshiro was nostalgic back to the day when he first listens to your song, first going to your concert and you winked at him while on stage. Did you know it then? That you would fall for him? Loved him but only to be treated like second-choice? The thought haunts him but right now, he is the closest to you ever since that day you left. Soshiro will risk everything he has to get you back.

If wanted him to buy you a new dress, he would gift you an entire wardrobe. If you wanted a house, he would buy a mansion. If you want him to change his haircut, he will. Anything just for you, his princess.

a/n: I wanna give a special thanks to myself for having a Soshiro brainrot at 12 in the morning and writing this ‘till 2:21 and start hallucinating.

[bellaxgiornata]

Falling For the Devil [Part thirty-eight: "The Black Suit"]

Pairing: Matt Murdock x Fem!Reader

Summary: You finish up work at The Bulletin late, but Matt still asks you to come over while he's out as Daredevil and wait for him to return home.

Or

You forgot the red suit was being repaired, and that black suit really does something to you–which has Matt very much intrigued.

[Series of one-shots about Reader meeting, falling for, and dating Matt Murdock.]

Warnings: 18+ for this series; contains humor, fluff, romance, angst, smut (like...a lot of it later in the series), language, some violence

Word Count: 5.4k

a/n: Another smupdate--this time featuring Reader very much appreciating the black suit. Because why the hell would there not be black suit Matt smut in FFTD? This is offically the halfway point (so far) of all the installments currently published on AO3! You can find the entire list of installments for this series on tumblr here. And if you're enjoying the series, let me know!

Staring at the laptop screen before you, the article you were working on for The Bulletin was finally written. You'd been working on it for the past couple of hours since you'd been at Matt’s and had been working on finishing editing it now. Though you'd been constantly distracted by how weird it felt being at Matt's by yourself tonight.

He had given you a key to his place not too long ago, wanting you to start making yourself feel comfortable and at home here so you could hopefully transition to living here with him in the spring when your lease was up. And honestly, you appreciated the fact that he wasn't rushing you with this and instead letting you both take some time to adjust before jumping into it. You'd be lying if you said you hadn't been already overthinking absolutely everything you possibly could about being in the same space with him all the time–hell, you'd be disposing all of your used period products at his place then. And if you got sick he'd hear and smell you throwing up in the bathroom. You cringed at the thought. Shaking your head, you tried to focus back on editing the article and not letting your mind spiral on everything Matt would inevitably become aware of with you living with him. 

Though that weird feeling of being here alone still sat with you. You'd gotten off work late at The Bulletin and Matt had told you he was already going out to do his Daredevil thing but he'd wanted you to come over anyway. To be here when he came home. Tonight was the first time you’d actually needed to use the key, letting yourself in while he was already out. 

You sighed, running a hand through your hair. Maybe you just needed a break. The article was ahead of deadline anyway. You could just relax and watch something on your laptop until Matt came back. You'd thankfully convinced him the other night not to buy a television just for you, since he would never watch it and you already had one. You'd insisted you would just watch shows on your laptop when you were here. 

Saving your progress on your article, and triple checking that it was saved, you exited out of the program. You were about to open Netflix on your laptop, but the door to Matt's roof access opened with a loud creak and you jumped on the couch, throwing a hand over your startled heart. 

"Sorry," Matt's deep voice apologized quickly. "Didn't mean to scare you."

"I just wasn't expecting–" you said, closing your laptop and turning towards him on the landing. Your breath caught in your throat, your sentence briefly hanging in the air. He wasn't dressed as Daredevil–you'd forgotten how he was still getting the suit fixed from when he'd had the helmet smashed in the other night–he was dressed in the all black suit you had personally never seen on him. Swallowing hard, your heart still racing as he began descending the steps, you finished your sentence with a breathy, "You."

His masked head tilted curiously to the side as he made his way down the stairs. "Didn't scare you that bad, did I? Your heart is still racing," he pointed out.

"I–uh, no," you said nervously, your eyes instantly dropping from his mouth to the perfectly defined abdominal muscles the black fabric was somehow making look even more defined with the way it clung to him like a second skin. "I just–just uh, forgot that you–you weren't wearing the other suit tonight," you stammered as he reached the bottom of the steps, feeling your cheeks heat up as your eyes dropped to how thick his thighs looked in those tight, dark pants. 

He paused a few feet from the bottom of the stairs, his attention fixed on you sitting on the couch. His figure looked intimidating, dangerous, and incredibly muscular in the black suit as he towered above you across the room. Your bottom lip slipped between your teeth as your gaze continued to linger on his body, actively roving every inch of him so intensely you were sure he had to be able to feel it. You forced yourself to try and calm your breathing and your heart as you did, both beginning to get wildly out of your control. For some reason you desperately had the urge to tear that black shirt off of him with your nails and bite every bit of flesh you could get your teeth on.

Which certainly was not like you.

"You know," he said slowly, drawing you back to the present and causing your attention to focus on his lips beneath the mask as he spoke, "before I came in here you were pretty calm. Tired, even. And now I come back," he continued, his masked gaze gradually surveying you from top to bottom, the gesture raising goosebumps along your arms, "and your heart is beating pretty fast. Your breathing has significantly picked up." 

His mouth curled into a smirk under the mask and your thighs pressed together on the couch at the sight, fighting the urge to squirm under his covered gaze. You watched his tongue very slowly appear between those plump lips, his smirk growing even more when it had disappeared back into his mouth. Embarrassment mixed with your increasing arousal. He knew. He fucking knew how your body was reacting to him right now and he was enjoying it.

"You like this, don't you?" he mused, a gloved hand gesturing to his suit. 

Your mouth opened and closed a few times, heat burning your cheeks. How the hell was a handful of clothing items doing this to you? Working you up into a frenzy? 

He took a few step towards you and your heart stuttered in your chest, thighs clenching tighter. He hadn't done a damn thing and already you felt yourself getting wet at just the sight of him.

"Answer me, sweetheart," he demanded–the Devil’s voice, not Matt’s, you noted.

"Yes," you breathed out. 

He chuckled lightly, shaking his head as he crossed his arms over his chest. You internally mourned the obstruction of half of his torso, but the position allowed for a better view of his thick arms. Desperately you wanted those arms pinning you down to the bed. Or a wall. Fuck, anywhere really.

"Why?" he asked curiously. 

"I don't know," you whispered back.

He took another step towards you, the smirk still on his mouth beneath the black fabric. "Lie," he called out, tone teasing. 

Licking your lips nervously, your hips shifted on the couch. Your cunt was aching and desperate for attention right now. He was toying with you on purpose, you knew that.

“I’ve–I’ve never seen you in the black suit,” you finally admitted shyly. “I’ve only seen pictures of it. On the news. Before I–I knew you.”

He took another step closer to the couch in those black boots. You could feel your own pulse hammering in your throat at the almost predatory way he was slowly stalking towards you in that goddamn black suit.

“And you liked what you saw, hmm?” he asked, voice low.

“The uh, grainy photos certainly didn’t quite do you justice,” you muttered breathily, eyes glancing back down at his abs again.

Another step closer, the smirk still lingering along that perfect mouth of his. “I haven’t even touched you, sweetheart, and you’re positively wet already. You like this that much?” he questioned. 

Hands fisting the material of the sweatpants you’d changed into after arriving at his apartment, you nodded slowly. “Yes,” you answered.

A pleased hum rumbled in his throat as he took another step closer, now standing almost beside the coffee table in front of you. “You want me to fuck you in this?” he asked next.

Something like a hot spark shot through your entire body, raising the hairs along your arms. You definitely, definitely wanted him to. But would he?

“Yes,” you whispered instantly.

The smirk on his mouth changed, shifting into something sinful and devilish at your response. He uncrossed his arms, waving you over with a gloved hand. “Come here,” he urged.

Nervously you rose from the couch, knees shaking slightly as you carefully approached him. You came to a stop right in front of him, bare feet just in front of his booted ones. One of those gloved hands came out, gently landing on your hip. Your skin felt like it was on fire underneath the layers of fabric between the skin of your hip and his hand.

“Before I fuck you,” he began, pausing to enjoy the way you swallowed hard at his words, “I’ll let you take a moment to appreciate the outfit. Since I can tell just how much you like it."

“What?” you asked, eyes narrowing.

His hand moved fast, darting out to grab your wrist before placing your palm on his chest. You could feel the solid muscle just beneath the thin, smooth fabric of his black shirt. Gradually he dragged your hand down the front of him, his hand still encircling your wrist. You could feel every dip and crevice between each individual muscle along his torso until he stopped your hand just above the belt looped through his dark pants.

“Go on,” he urged, smirk returning to his mouth as he released your wrist. “Touch me. I know you want to.”

He stood there before you, head tilted to the side as he studied you beneath the mask. His arms returned to his sides as your hand still rested low on his abdomen, just above his belt. Your breath was coming in even faster now, almost shaky with each inhale and exhale. 

Hesitantly, your fingers glided back up over his abs, appreciating the firmness beneath them. Your left hand carefully came up to rest just over the firm right pectoral muscle of his chest. Risking a glance up, you could hear the sharp exhalations coming from Matt. The smirk was gone though, replaced with something almost feral and wild as he held himself back from you. Hands shaking, both of them gradually made their way up towards his broad shoulders. 

Every part of his body felt so unbelievably solid and powerful. Not that you didn't already know how tone he was underneath everything he wore, but all that muscle wrapped in that clinging, black fabric, which had frightened and threatened countless dangerous criminals, as he just stood here before you motionless and willing was fucking exhilarating. 

Your hands slid up his warm neck, cradling his face in between your palms before roughly pulling his mouth towards yours. He kissed you back with a level of restraint that you certainly couldn't miss with the noises building in his throat and the tension growing in his body. When you broke away from his mouth, you heard the grunt of protest from him, but he remained still and patient as your hands slid over him while you moved around behind him.

You hadn't even seen the back of him yet, and your eyes adoringly raked over every inch of his muscled back visible along the expansive plane of his body. Immediately your focus dropped down–those grainy photos didn't remotely do his ass justice in these pants. Gradually your hands made their way down his back, a few of his muscles jerking under your touch as they went. 

Your hands paused at the top of the waistband of his pants. Your eyes were still very much focused on his ass that you knew was so round and firm and perfect beneath that fabric. Matt's head shifted over his right shoulder looking back at you with a grin.

"Go on, I know you want to," he teased.

Both hands quickly dropped down, landing on his ass over the dark pants. For a brief moment you paused, appreciating the fact that you were grabbing The Devil of Hell’s Kitchen's ass over those same dark pants that Katy had zoomed in on in the old photos of Daredevil's early days so many times before. Biting your tongue, you decided to take a risk and do something you'd imagined a few times too many before you'd even met Matt and had learned who the man in black really was. Your right hand released its hold, drawing back just a bit before you swung it forward, landing a solid but fairly gentle smack on his ass. Matt startled slightly for a moment before he glanced back over his shoulder, emitting what sounded like a playful growl.

"You enjoying yourself back there?" he asked, tone amused.

You couldn't fight the little grin on your mouth. You were, in fact, very much enjoying yourself.

"Quite possibly," you teased back.

A chuckle rumbled in his throat. "You need more time back there or can I move this forward, sweetheart?" he asked.

Your pulse quickened again at the thought of fucking him in the black suit. You hadn't even fucked him in the Daredevil suit before, though you'd certainly imagined it. And definitely would be imagining it more after tonight…

"And what do you have in mind?" you questioned him curiously.

He spun towards you the moment you'd asked your question. You trembled a little at the masked face that somehow was still hungrily staring back at you behind the black fabric. Without responding, he lunged at you, taking you by surprise before his mouth was on yours. His gloved hands grabbed you hard by the hips as he tugged you into his body so tight you could feel his own arousal pressing into you. He was kissing you feverishly in a flurry of tongue and teeth, his mouth only riling you up further. 

You were moaning back into his mouth, far past your usual level of arousal with Matt because of the damn suit as your fingers dug into his back, when you felt his hands moving down your body. Swiftly he grabbed you just under your ass and pulled you up onto himself. Releasing his mouth, you gasped out in surprise as your arms quickly wrapped around his firm shoulders to steady yourself. He was nipping at your neck as he began carrying you, and as you felt more wet heat dampening your underwear, you expected him to bring you to the bedroom.

Instead you realized he was carrying you to his kitchen. Your brows furrowed in confusion, enjoying the amazing feel of his mouth on your neck but wondering if he'd somehow gotten himself turned around. Until he very intentionally plopped you onto the kitchen counter before him, his two thick arms boxing your hips in from where they were positioned on either side of the counter. He leaned forward, lowering himself so his masked face was level with yours, mere inches from you. Your hips squirmed needily along the counter. He was toying with you again, you could feel it.

"I take it you've thought about fucking me long before you knew who I was," he murmured, the sound of the Devil’s voice sending a shudder down your spine. 

"Mhmm," you hummed back.

You were dying for him to touch you already. 

His jaw clenched tight at your admission, his head rolling back a bit as if that alone had turned him on. And then he was focusing back on you again, that dark smirk on his mouth–exactly where your gaze was currently focused.

"Naughty girl, thinking about fucking the Devil," he ground out. 

He was going to kill you with anticipation. 

" Matt ," you whined. 

"Hey," he countered, that sly smirk still on his mouth, "you had your fun, sweetheart. Enjoying the suit. Now I'd like to take a minute to appreciate the fact that you wanted me , like this, long before you knew me." One of his gloved hands appeared between your legs, his fingers gently resting on your clothed cunt. "You ever get off to me before?" he questioned curiously. 

"What?" you asked, eyes widening.

"You know what I mean, sweetheart," he murmured back, his fingers adding a bit of pressure along your sweatpants. "Answer the question."

You whimpered in response to the light touch over where you desperately needed him. Fuck you needed more than that. 

 "Yes," you answered softly.

There was a pleased hum that vibrated in his throat. "And what did you think about?" he pushed.

Immediately your cheeks flamed at the question. That seemed quite personal. 

"Matt, what're you–"

"Did you think about the man in the mask saving you in an alley?" he mused. "And then you'd thank him by letting him have you against a brick wall?" His fingers very slowly rubbed against you and a moan slipped out of you. "Or did you think about me climbing into your window late at night? Fucking you so hard into your mattress?"

"I–" you began, feeling shy as he waited for a response. But his fingers were rubbing harder over your sweatpants and you hoped an answer would get you more. "I thought about you breaking into my apartment," you breathed out. "Running into you when I–I came home from work." He made a noise in response like he wanted you to continue. Your heart sped up at what you were about to admit. "And you'd…eat me out on the kitchen table before fucking me over it."

"Oh sweetheart," he nearly purred, his fingers stopping and causing you to whine in protest. "I can most certainly taste that beautiful pussy, but I’m going to fuck you on our kitchen counter until you're a mess." He removed his hands from you, pulling the gloves off and throwing them aside. 

You most certainly hadn’t missed the way he’d said ‘our,’ but you were currently more interested in the fact that his hands were tugging at your underwear and sweatpants, yanking them roughly down your legs at the same time. Your own hands grabbed the hem of your shirt and pulled it up quickly over your head before you began unclasping your bra. 

The moment you saw his hands about to slide the mask off his face, you blurted, “Leave it on.”

His hands paused at the edge of the fabric, a slight huff of amusement falling from him. “If you insist,” he replied, voice deep as his hands came to rest on your bare thighs. 

“Are you done teasing me now, baby?” you whispered, staring at the black material obscuring half his face.

His lips curled upward at the corner, that almost feral expression returning. One of his fingers dove straight into your cunt and you sharply gasped in surprise before the noise broke on a sound of pleasure. 

“So impatient for me,” he mused, his finger pumping into you.

“Baby, please,” you breathily begged.

“You like calling the Devil that?” he asked, slowly dropping down between your legs. 

You eyed him below you with an unwavering gaze of your own, his mouth just hovering before your cunt. His warm breath was brushing over your skin, the sensation mingled with his finger still thrusting into you deliciously pleasant.

“I think you like it when I call you that,” you shot back.

Taken aback, his finger actually stopped its motion inside of you. Slowly, his masked face shifted up towards yours, gazing back up at you between your thighs. He was genuinely smiling up at you.

“You're damn right, I do," he agreed, tone gravelly. "And for being so open with me tonight, sweetie, I’m going to give you exactly what you want."

He didn’t even give you a chance to respond before his mouth was on you, a second finger slipping inside of you. Your head fell back over your shoulders, both of your hands sliding back a bit behind you on the counter as his tongue wholeheartedly lapped at your clit. After the building anticipation, your body had been yearning for attention. But despite how amazing it felt, you forced your head back up, your eyes landing on the sight before you.

The Devil of Hell’s Kitchen was between your thighs as you sat on the kitchen counter, black mask covering half his face as he practically devoured you, two thick fingers thrusting into you with a vigorous pace. His grunting and the occasional sound as he sucked your clit mixed with the wet sounds of his fingers pumping into your very wet cunt in the kitchen. One of your hands darted out, gripping the material of the back of his mask between your fingers. A deep noise rumbled up out of him and vibrated along your clit. The sensation had your legs shaking. 

“Shit, Matty,” you whimpered, grip tightening on the mask.

With a loud grunt, his fingers slid out of you. A moment later his hands were throwing your legs over his shoulders before he roughly yanked you further towards him. You fell back onto your elbows watching as his left hand came up to rest on your stomach as his fingers took over working your clit. His mouth lowered, his tongue mercilessly fucking into you over and over. 

"Fuck," you whimpered, eyes focused on him between your thighs.

Your vision felt like it was blurring, your breath coming in sharp pants as Matt's tongue continued to drive you wild. But as your body shook along the counter, growing closer to your climax, you wanted more of him. You wanted him to fuck you, wanted to feel him inside of you.

You wanted him to let the Devil loose on you.

"Matty, I need you," you begged. 

His mouth came off of you immediately at your words, though he slipped two fingers back inside of you. You watched him lick his lips as if he was savoring the taste of you on them. The sight had you fighting your eyes from rolling back.

“How does it feel, sweetheart,” he purred, pausing as he turned and placed a sharp bite to your inner thigh that had you hissing out, “to be the only one who’s had the Devil?”

Surprise briefly washed over you as his fingers kept their pace, his tongue soothing where he had just bitten. "I–I am?" you asked, legs still trembling. 

He grinned at you, his head nodding briefly. "Yes, sweetheart. So how does it feel to finally have me?"

“So good, baby,” you breathed out, gasping when he bit down on your thigh again. "But I–I want all of you."

His lip curled back as he released your thigh from his teeth and slid his fingers from your cunt. Carefully he lowered your legs from his shoulders, rising to his feet as his hands helped you further back onto the counter. You whined in frustration at the loss of him inside of you, Matt only chuckling in return. And then he raised the two fingers he'd had inside of you to his mouth and obscenely licked your arousal from them. Your eyes were glued to the view before you, cunt clenching around nothing as you watched. There was no denying that the black suit did something to you.

When he lowered his hand, both of them landed on his belt buckle. Casually he undid it, the clinking sound of the metal exceptionally loud in his otherwise silent apartment. You swallowed hard, goosebumps raising along your naked skin as you watched him unzip his pants next.

“So when you imagined me fucking you,” he said, breaking the silence, “was I gentle?”

Your focus was on his cock as he slowly slipped his pants and boxers just partway down his legs. He really was going to fuck you in the entire outfit.

“No,” you whispered.

“And do you want me to be?” he asked next.

Your gaze shifted, making its way up to where you imagined his own eyes were behind the mask. Most likely they were focused somewhere along your chest listening for the truth to your words. 

“No,” you answered.

Hands landing roughly down on your thighs, he shoved them apart before he pulled you forward to the edge of the counter towards him again. A faint noise of surprise left you before his mouth was on yours, kissing you fiercely. You could taste yourself on him as his tongue eagerly fought its way into your mouth. Your legs wrapped around his hips and bare ass as your hands landed on his back, fingers digging into the solid muscle under that thin shirt. A moment later you felt his cock at your slickened entrance, and then he was sliding all the way in without pause for the first time. 

Your mouth broke away from his as a strangled moan flew out of it, your forehead falling forward against his chest. Before he could even ask, you muttered, “Keep going.”

Obliging, Matt didn’t give you a moment to adjust to him as he always had before. Instead he began thrusting into you over and over, his hips rapidly picking up their pace. Your nails dug into him next, clawing at his back through the black shirt as you held on to him. There would be nothing slow and gentle about the way he fucked you this time.

The sounds of his grunts with each pump of his hips fell right into your ears. You shifted your face so you could look up at him, but all you could see beneath the mask were his lips pulled back over his gritted teeth. Your own hips did their best to meet his at the awkward angle, but his were almost vicious in their motions, slamming himself into you over and over. That warm wash of your climax was gradually building to a peak again, easily brought on by the visual of the Devil of Hell’s Kitchen actually fucking you and not just a fantasy you’d had in the past.

“You’re enjoying this,” he ground out as his pace picked up. “I can tell. You’re already so close.”

You nodded against his chest, whimpering out an affirmative noise that wasn’t quite a word. His hands slid a bit further back along your thighs, coming to grip your ass. He tugged you in even closer towards him as his hips abruptly sped up, Matt practically assaulting you with his cock. You cried out in a satisfied surprise, burying your face into his shoulder. The sound of skin on skin echoed through the apartment as that mouthwatering familiar sting hit you each time he bottomed out with his thrusts. 

His cock like this felt so good that you’d suddenly readjusted just a fraction along his broad shoulder and bit down on the firm muscle below you to keep from filling his apartment with your screams. A deep, rumbling growl fell out of Matt in response to your teeth. That sound drew your peak nearer, so you released him, shifting your mouth a fraction, and bit down again. The noise that came out of him next–a beautiful deep, low groan that he'd never made before–threw you right over and you felt your body beginning to tremble against Matt’s.

“Yes,” he breathed out, encouraging you in that dark voice of the Devil as he continued to grunt roughly with each sharp thrust of his hips. “That’s it, sweetheart.”

Nails digging into his lower back, your teeth still clamped on his shoulder, you reached your orgasm. Your eyes snapped shut as a shuddering moan drew itself out of you, your legs tightening around Matt. That pleasant wash of pleasure raced throughout your body as you came, still clinging to Matt as he continued to fuck you. 

It was a few moments before your mind felt like it came back to you, Matt keeping his pace. You released his shoulder from your teeth, raising your head to look up at Matt. His lips were pulled back in something like a ferocious snarl as he focused on you. 

“You close, baby?” you asked.

“Yes,” he grunted out, pace unwavering.  

You lowered your mouth, focusing on lapping at the skin of his neck and reveling in the feel of the satisfied vibration coming from under your tongue along his throat. Curious, you gently bit down on his pulse point–the sensitive place on his throat that you knew always drew interesting reactions. Matt's hips suddenly jerked sharply into you in response as you did. Your mouth curled into a smile against his skin, tongue darting out to lick the spot you’d bit.

“Fuck, sweetheart,” he groaned. 

You bit him again, a little harder, in the same spot. A string of curses flew out of his mouth as his hips began to stutter. He was right there, you could feel him teetering on the edge. Releasing his skin from your mouth, you maneuvered yourself beside his ear, so close your lips brushed his skin when you spoke.

"You feel so good," you whispered into his ear. "You make me feel so good, Matthew."

Matt actually growled in response, goosebumps raising along your arms at the sound. 

“Cum for me, Devil,” you ordered firmly.

“Shit,” he breathed out, voice strained.

His hips spasmed against yours a few moments later and then you felt him cumming inside of you, a growling moan tearing out of him as he did. You returned to his neck, sucking that particularly sensitive spot into your mouth as you helped to carry him through his release. He grunted roughly as his hips gave a few more thrusts before they stopped. 

You placed a kiss to his neck before you sat upright. Matt was breathing heavily, head bowed forward towards you and shoulders heaving. Carefully you raised your hands up, slipping the mask up and off of his face. His eyes were half-lidded, quickly searching for you with the mask off. A sheen of sweat glistened along his forehead, his dark hair mussed from the mask.

You cupped his cheek with a hand, drawing his face towards yours. "Hey," you said quietly with a smile. "There you are, Matty."

He grinned a drowsy, blissed out smile back at you, his eyes landing on your left cheekbone. "Hey, sweetheart." 

He exhaled a sharp breath before he pulled his cock out of you, settling you more fully back onto the counter. That's when you really noticed how sore your cunt was–you'd definitely be feeling this tomorrow. 

"I can't believe all this time you had a thing for the man in the mask," Matt teased, breath still coming in short.

You blushed, running a hand across your forehead. "I can't believe I just fucked the Devil of Hell’s Kitchen," you responded, eyes briefly darting around you. " In a kitchen."

Matt barked out a laugh as he adjusted himself, pulling his dark pants and boxers back up but not zipping himself into the pants. "If I had known what this did to you, I'd have pulled it out sooner," he teased. "Maybe I'll have to get it out again."

Your heart sped up excitedly at the prospect of fucking him in the black suit again. Matt's gaze fell along your chest, a cheeky grin sliding on his face. He'd definitely caught that increase in your heart. 

"I don't think my legs are going to hold me at this point," you said, sliding off the counter.

Matt's hands instinctively darted out to your hips, carefully steadying you when your feet hit the floor. Once you'd regained your balance, you felt more heat creeping up your neck, awkwardness washing over you. 

"What's wrong?" he asked, head tilting to the side.

"Nothing," you said, shaking your head and laughing a little nervously. "Just uh, just awkward being the only one completely naked here."

Matt smiled before he bent down and grabbed your clothes from where they’d been tossed onto the floor. He handed them back to you and you muttered a quiet 'thanks' in response.

"You can always stay naked,” he suggested slyly. “And I'll join you in the bedroom just as naked after we get cleaned up.”

Biting your lip, you glanced back at the counter. It was definitely damp. “I should probably scrub your counter after that,” you said.

“Our counter,” Matt corrected firmly. Another cheeky grin slipped onto his face as he grabbed your hand. “And I can take care of it tomorrow morning. I won’t be eating on it anymore tonight.” 

He sent you a suggestive wink and you couldn’t fight the giggle that rose up out of you. Your clothes balled in one hand, you followed Matt out of the kitchen and towards the bathroom, your eyes scanning over the back of him in the black suit. You weren’t sure if and when you’d see him in it again and you wanted to commit the real thing to memory over those grainy, blurry photos.

[emojellyace08]

Okay I might come up with a rant right now...

(Warning: SPOILERS AND SENSITIVE CONTENT READ AT YOUR OWN RISK)

Just read Vin Jin's backstory and I honestly felt bad for him. Bro deserves better.

And announcement that I wouldn't write Taejin because he's a messed up motherfucker. I kind of cringe when one time I wrote something for him before it was revealed what kind of person he really is (he r**** Vin's sister). I would make edits and remove him. I also wouldn't write for the fake Baek Hangyeol (the fake doctor). Probably other characters as well? I don't know I might take considerations but I would be picky choosing what to write.

So far I will write for J-High, Big Deal, God Dog, Vin Jin, (I like writing good and sane characters lol) probably Gun and Goo? James might be considered but I'll still think about it (if he's ever really Charles Choi's second body I would go nuts and won't write him anymore since it will be very fucking weird). For Workers I am really picky as well.

I might be picky doing writing with the other characters.

And for the request and posting schedule!

I would write fluff, aus (I really love the crossovers and requests you guys make. I might do a zombie one with my own art since I'm in my L4D phase rn lol) and angst (probably less smut but that doesn't mean I won't write it anymore, I would just be picky about what lies on that category and if it is morally acceptable).

And I won't write weird ass stuff either.

Posting schedule isn't finalized yet but either around Thursday to Sunday (depends when I'm active). But I'll be probably be posting in Fridays first? I'm busy with my personal life right now.

Request Lists (that I haven't done yet)

Lookism (J-High AU) with reader (Part 2 for the Gen 0 ver.)

Fem! Gojo Reader x Lookism (Part 2)

Johan x Female Reader (feel free to add more information about how I will write it).

Gun x Female Reader (requested by rukuk)

(Feel free to add ideas if I left something on the list and requests might be done REALLY late since I got to focus on my studies. But I'll prioritize the other first requests before doing the others. But I already have saved drafts, just unfinished).

I'll try to post maybe later or tomorrow (I'm cramming right now so yeah. Wait for other announcements and posts for now. Thank you!)

[n0v4t33z]

Dark Desires: Chapter I - The Cat's Out of the Bag

Pairings: VampireCatHybrid~Seonghwa x Female Reader, VampireCatHybrid~Ateez x Female Reader

Genre: Horror, Angst, Romance, Vampire Ateez, Paranormal?

Word Count: 7.6k

Tags/Warnings: For Mature Audiences, Violence, Language, mentions blood, Magic, Fantasy, Some Fluff, Highly Suggestive at times (This is a warning for the whole story overall)

Chapter specific: kidnapping, non-sexual nudity, flirting, blood, lying?

Author's Note💌: Hi! So this is the first chapter of a story that I've been working on for a while, long ago when "The Black Cat Nero" first came out and since it's October I figured it would be nice for me to post I also just wanted to join the other fic writers posting a Halloween themed fic but since I cannot write smut for the life of me for Kinktober I decided to just post this instead. I haven't fully edited this story so I'm sorry if it's cringe in some parts but I'll try my best to fix those parts eventually. In the meantime I hope you guys like it! Please be kind! 🌙🐈‍⬛

Spotify Playlist 🩸

☽ ──── ༺𖤐༻ ──── ☾

On a chilly autumn night right after an exhausting shift at work, I close the store and bid goodbye to my co workers for the day. It was dark outside now and the sky was awfully empty tonight except for the moon, it wasn’t a full moon just yet but just as beautiful. So while walking to my bus stop, I come across a black cat with mesmerizing amethyst colored eyes. "Woah, I've never seen a purple eyed cat...hm that’s so weird. Is it maybe my eyes playing a trick on me?" I blink and slowly walk over to the cat and turn on the flashlight on my phone “Come here kitty are you hungry?” I look at the cat’s eyes and they were indeed a beautiful amethyst color. Wow, that’s so cool. It must be some sort of rare defect. The cat walks over to me purring and rubbing its tiny little head on me. I put down my phone on the ground gently pet its soft black fur while reaching into my purse with my other hand "You're so cute…Look, I’ve got a snack!"

I grab the Tupperware containing the leftover meat from lunch and set it in front of the cat so that it could eat. I happily watch the cat eat the meat in the small bowl while gently petting its tiny little head. Suddenly behind me I hear metal scraping on the floor and to my surprise I turn to see a man whose eyes are almost a dead like hue of greyish blue, with scratches on his chest and cheek area along with a huge bruise on his left cheek. He was wearing a velvet jacket and a black silk shirt exposing most of his chest and his ash brown hair was pulled up with a few hairs framing his pale lifeless face. Without saying anything he smirks raising the shovel above his head and before I'm able to scream he brings down the shovel and hits me behind the head making everything go black.

 I slowly open my eyes holding my head in my hands tightly only to feel a throbbing headache, when I look around I see I’m in some sort of abandoned church with 8 very handsome deathly pale guys looking straight at me with one of them being the same man from before with the shovel. I noticed that one of them had purple eyes, kind of like the same ones that stray cat that I fed on the street. Could it be that guy was the cat I saw? No. It can’t be. That’s physically impossible. When it finally dawns on me the severe situation I’m in I sit up and I scoot away from them sensing a bit of tension in the room "Wait. Who are you guys? Why am I here…" The man with the velvet jacket (Who was no longer wearing it) walks up to me and kneels on one knee and with his ice cold hand lifting up my chin and smirks in satisfaction "You my dear, are going to be working for us. So forget the life you had before because you have a new one here and it's to serve us." 

My bottom lip trembles and my eyes well up with tears, almost in an instant warm tears stream down my cheeks. The pale man in front of me wipes away my tears and says in a slight menacing tone "Don't cry, we're not going to hurt you. right guys?" Not believing a word he says I shake my head and begin to cry "No. Please, let me go….I swear I’ll do anything."  He chuckles while he strokes my cheek with his thumb "Will you?…" he clicks his tongue "Or are you just lying because you’re scared right now? Look at you, you’re shaking.." I glance down at my hands and notice they were in fact shaking. I feel kind of weak, I feel nauseous, I don't feel so good. "Let me introduce myself I'm Hongjoong, pleased to meet you Miss..." he raises his eyebrow waiting for an answer "I, uh- I'm y/n." I stammer causing him to smile "That's a beautiful name, well Miss y/n you are to address all 8 of us as your Masters at all times." He turns around and looks at one of the guys "Seonghwa, can you please get Miss y/n cleaned up and dressed. Out of everyone here I trust you won't try to pull anything stupid since you're the eldest here and are more in control of your erm...urges." A tall and slender man with hair a beautiful shade of silver, dressed all in black with a black velvet jacket and a long black satin cape, his eyes being that of a dark emerald green hue with a light golden ring around the pupil steps up next to me. He was beautiful, tall and unlike anything I’ve ever seen before. His demeanor seemed very cold with a very intimidating gaze but as soon as his eyes met mine they softened. "Come, let's get you cleaned up. Hongjoong left you so dirty."

He gently takes my trembling hand and leads me to a dark room and turns on the light and a few candles. He closes the door behind us and he walks over to the bathtub to run a bath then turns to me and warmly smiles "Your bath is ready, don't worry I'm not going to look I'll wait outside for a few minutes then I'll bring you some warm towels." I nod and wait until he was gone. Maybe if I cooperate they’ll let me go? Actually, something doesn’t feel right. The energy here feels wrong, something evil is here and I can feel it. 

I get in the warm bubbly bath and let out a deep sigh still shook up from the whole situation. I’m starting to feel homesick. I didn’t even get to tell my mom goodbye,  My eyes well up in tears again and I silently begin to cry. I miss home. I had no idea where I was much less know when I'd be able to see my family again. I hear a sudden knock at my door and see the beautiful man walk in with some towels and some folded up clothes he then lets out a small gasp and puts down the towels and clothes on the bench next to the bathtub he  sits down and reaches over and wipes my tears away "Sweetheart, don't cry. I know it's scary being put in a place you don't know with people you've never met but I promise they won't hurt you and if anyone tries to you let me know and I'll handle it." I sniffle "I just want to go home Master Seonghwa, I'm scared and I miss my family." He furrows his brows and gently strokes my hair "I'm sorry, but you can't leave my dear." My eyes glistened with tears "Why not?" He looks away then looks back at me with sadness in his eyes while he continues to stroke my hair trying not to meet my eyes "I just can't."

It was silent for a few minutes after that so after I calm down a bit I decided that in order to try and get rid of the awkward ambience I should at least try to get to know this man since he was being very friendly so far and not some weird perv gawking at me. So, in the middle of him washing my hair I ask "So, how long have you been alive?" He thinks for a bit while he rinses my hair "Hmm, about 400 years." I audibly gasp "Wait, what? 400 years?! That's a really long time you're a living history book!” he chuckles "Yeah I am, a very lonely one at that." I turn to him and furrow my brows "That can’t be..There must have been someone who must have caught your eye, you’re just so beautiful. Have you ever been in love? Or have a tiny little crush on someone?" He nods his head slightly sad then looks at me and forces a faint smile. "Somewhat, yes but enough of me. What about you Miss y/n?" I sigh and I look down "Yeah I was, it was the worst mistake I've ever done. He ended up cheating on me and eventually left me for his co worker. Almost 3 years of my life just wasted. It's been almost a year since that happened but I'm still kind of upset about it." He worriedly looks at me "I'm so sorry you had to deal with that situation, I'm sure one day you'll find love." I shake my head "I doubt it since I'm pretty sure I'm going to be stuck here for the rest of my life." He looks at me fondly for a good second and lets out a soft sigh "Well- ah...Um I'll let you finish washing up I'll be right back." he gets up and wipes his hands on a hand towel near the sink and closes the door behind him. That was weird, he just left so suddenly...

When I finish washing myself and drying myself I look through the pile he brought until I find some undergarments. When I finish putting them on I connect the long thigh high white socks to the garter and put on a long sleeve collared black and white knee length maid's dress. On the apron on the bottom right corner was a tiny black cat shaped stitch, and for shoes some black shoes to match. A few minutes later after finishing the beautiful emerald eyed vampire brushes my hair and helps me put on a white ruffled headpiece with 2 thin ribbon bows on each side. He hands me a set of keys and smiles "Now you can go about your chores. Don't worry about dinner for me and your Masters, we go out to feed when needed so just worry about keeping the house clean and doing the laundry. Also, don't ever go inside the white door with the black crest on it. That is strongly forbidden. So if you need me I'll be in my work office down the hall or in my room." I obediently nod "Yes Master." in return he gives me a warm smile and walks off.

 Later, while dusting off the picture frames on the main room of the house, I notice a painting of a very handsome looking man, judging from his clothing the painting must have been old though. Maybe? Was it someone’s family member or someone’s grandfather? I hear laughing coming from the corridor behind me and notice it was 2 of the guys from earlier one of them had a scar on his chest peeking out of his sheer patterned button up shirt, he was wearing black pants and black boots to match his jet black hair and the other one with the beautiful amethyst eyes, a piercing on his lip with his earring being connected his piercing, his buttoned up black vest covering some type of tattoo on his chest but letting his pale muscular arms in full view. Along with black leather pants and black boots to match his beautiful Raven hair. Looking at them in better lighting and up close, as handsome as they looked it looked like they haven’t slept in years, their eyes looking really bloodshot.

Immediately after making eye contact with me they both walk over to me, I notice this and I stop what I'm doing and stiffly bow "Hello Masters… I- Umm I'm sorry but I was never told your names." The one with the purple eyes smirks then reaches over and takes my hand, places his ice cold lips on the back of it and gently places a kiss on it. He looks up at me and says "My name is San, you were the beautiful girl who stopped to feed me. You know, if Hongjoong hadn't kidnapped you and brought you here I would have let you take me home." My face begins to feel really hot and involuntarily I let out a nervous laugh. The one with the scar on his chest shoots San with a very annoyed expression then he looks back at me with a small smile "I'm Wooyoung, it's nice meeting you." I nod then I give him a small wave "It's a pleasure meeting you both Master San and Master Wooyoung. If you guys need anything at all I'm here to help." San gently boops my nose and says in a low voice "Thank you Miss y/n we'll definitely keep that in mind." Both San and Wooyoung walk away presumably to their rooms but not before they take one last good look at me. Umm, I’m hoping they’re not eyeing me to take my blood or something.. Once they’re completely gone I let out a long sigh and rest my head on the wall. My god they’re so scary..I just wanna go home.

When I finish cleaning the main room, I walk over to the main corridor of the house and while walking by I hear singing coming from one of the rooms there. I have to find out who was the one singing. Suddenly, from a distance I see a tall man with bright ruby red eyes emerge from his room, he wore a sheer print button up shirt with a long silk blazer, black pants and slicked back light brown hair, he looked as if he had recently fed on blood. He also had a wound on his cheek and on the side of his temple. He looks at me with a very cold gaze that I immediately stop on my tracks and I bow "Master umm…." He quickly interjects "Mingi." Then I nod and forcefully smile. If I said I wasn't terrified of this man I'd be lying. He looked very handsome but he also looked lethal. He walks past me but before he could walk away very far I muster up the courage to say "It was a pleasure meeting you Master Mingi, please have a good rest of your day." He proceeds to walk away without saying another word. After he walks far enough I let out a sigh of relief.

Luckily, the hauntingly beautiful singing continues and as I walk closer it gets louder until I'm led to a door with a single golden music note on it. As soon as I step in front of the door the singing stops and I silently gasp and before I'm able to react and run away the door swings open to find a tall strong build guy with light blue eyes, Auburn hair with a really expensive looking suit. "I-I uh…. I'm so sorry but your singing was beautiful. I've never in my life have heard such beautiful singing in person." He warmly smiles and takes my hand and sits me down on the piano bench and without another work he just begins to sing a hauntingly beautiful tune. Mesmerized, I stare at the man before me singing at an incredible range. When he's done I happily clap and smile "That was beautiful Master, um… You never introduced yourself so I have yet to know your name." He slowly walks over to me until he stands in front of me and kneels down to my level. "My name is Jongho, but you may call me Master Jongho if you’d like.." he smiles and brushes a strand of hair behind my ear "Well, it's nice to meet you Master Jongho you have a beautiful voice. I’m y/n." He sits next to me and and turns to me "Thank you, and you're beautiful yourself." I nervously fidget with my hands "So Master Jongho, how'd you learn to sing so beautifully?" He looks up at the ceiling as if he was trying to recall his answer “Hm, I've always wanted to sing but as a human I just never got around to doing it from all the work I’d have to do to help my mother out. So when I turned into this, I had alot more time on my hands so In all honesty. It actually only took me a few years to achieve my goal with constant practice. Seeing as you're here now though I'll be able to sing to someone again since you enjoy my singing."

He gently takes my hand in his and deeply looks into my eyes "Feeling your humanly warmth makes me miss being alive. I died and was turned into this pretty young when I was around 20 human years old." I quietly gasp "Oh I'm so sorry Master Jongho, if it means anything as long as I'm alive I'll always cheer you on even though I don't know you very well I can still tell you have a big heart." He chuckles and holds both of my hands "Do you promise?" I nod and gently squeeze his ice cold hands "Of course Master, I've got no reason to lie." we both exchange warm smiles until I decide that maybe I should go. I'm probably distracting him, more or so he's probably getting hungry... I get up and lower my head "I’m so sorry Master, I have to go now. I don't want to interfere with your practice time but if you need anything at all please let me know." He gives me a soft smile “There’s no need, but I see you might be very busy with house work my apologies Miss y/n.” He waves goodbye “If you have a question don’t hesitate to look for me I’ll gladly help.”  I nod and slowly close the door behind me. Wow, he was so nice! His singing is as sweet as his personality. Wait, I just hope it’s genuine kindness and not the manipulative kind so that they can feed on my blood.. I’m still so uncomfortable here knowing that they can easily turn me into an appetizer. Actually, no I don’t even want to think about it.

 After leaving Jongho's practice room, I walk around downstairs until I come across the same chapel from when I arrived. After entering, I realize how dusty this place really is. so I decide to run to the kitchen and retrieve cleaning supplies. When I get back to the chapel I noticed a tall black hooded figure hunched over the altar, I slowly walk over to the figure and assuming it was another one of my masters I stand behind him and say "Master, are you ok?" Surprised, he turns and looks at me with his dead looking grey eyes and covers his arm with his cape as if hiding something. He silently nods keeping his gaze away from mine. In the distance I see a beautiful blonde man wearing a black and white patterned blazer with a black v neck t shirt with a distinctive small red neck scarf. He was holding a wine glass filled with presumably blood because of the viscosity of the liquid while sitting on the window sill of the circular stained glass window.

After seeing me, he slowly sets down his glass and turns into a cat right before my eyes. Wha- this is most definitely not normal. He jumps down and turns back into his previous form then says "Hello Miss y/n what brings you in here?" Still shocked from having seen a man just turn into a cat and then back to a man, I stammer a bit and say "Well, I saw that the chapel here was a bit dusty and dirty and I wanted to clean it up for you guys." He nods "Oh, thank you Miss y/n. By the way I'm Yeosang and this tall guy over here is Yunho." I bow giving them both a curt smile "it's nice to meet you Master Yeosang and Master Yunho." Yunho stands up and extends his hand in my direction causing me to look up at him and smile "I love your cape Master Yunho, it fits you well." I shake his hand and he smiles "Thank you so much Miss y/n. I can help you clean up the chapel, I'd feel terrible if you had to clean all of this by yourself, it'd take you hours to finish here." I shake my head "Oh no Master that's why I'm here to clean, you don't have to worry about it. I've got it." He shakes his head firmly and gently pats my head "No, I insist." He takes off his cape and Yeosang sits down on one of the pews and makes his glass of blood appear in his hand with a book in his other hand "I'll watch you guys, I'm exhausted." I turn to him with a playful smile "Let us know if we did a good job Master Yeosang." He chuckles and raises his glass "Of course sweetheart."

A couple of hours pass until eventually Yunho and I finish cleaning up the chapel and we both sit down on a pew next to Yeosang. "So how'd we do?" I look over excitedly at Yeosang who looks around slowly "Hm, It looks so nice, It's been years since I've seen this place look this clean." Yeosang glances over at Yunho and says "Also, I didn't know you cleaned up so well, maybe you should do it more often?" Yunho gives Yeosang a look and shakes his head "No, I'm going to be cleaning up after you." Yeosang pouts and says "Hmm, fine I'm sure y/n here would help me with that right?" Yeosang looks over at me with a pleading gaze causing me to laugh and nod "Of course Master Yeosang." Yeosang swirls the blood in his glass and gives me a faint smile "Care to join us for drinks?" Woah, what? He's offering me a drink? What does he mean by "drinks"? Does he mean alcohol or actual blood? The bile of my empty stomach slightly rises causing me to get a bit nauseous.

I think it is now my queue to leave.. I get up and gather up the cleaning supplies "Oh, actualy thank you for offering but I have to go now. it was nice meeting you Masters Yeosang and Yunho. I'll let you guys enjoy the clean chapel now! Master Jongho is probably waiting for me to bring him his tea.." Yeosang tilts his head and blinks "But Jongho never drinks tea.." Yunho, Yoesang and I stare at each other for a few moments then I swallow the big ass knot in my throat triggering my stomach to grumble "My apologies, tea for myself not Master Jongho. I'm just a bit hungry now which is why I'm not making any sense since I feel a bit weak." Yunho's eyebrows draw together and reaches over to get the supplies from my hands "Oh no, do you need help?" I shake my head "I'm okay, with a bit of food I'll feel much better. Now, If you may excuse me I'll get going now." I give them a small smile and chime "I also hope you guys enjoy your new clean space I'm sure it makes a huge difference, let me know if any of you need anything else." I slightly bow my head, Yeosang raises his glass slightly to acknowledge me. Meanwhile Yunho waves goodbye and says “We most definitely will you don’t need to worry Miss y/n.”

I close the chapel door behind me and I sit on the floor exhausted. Man, I'm beat.. I wonder how long it's been since that chapel was last cleaned? I'm almost positive it's been more than fifty years. While I sit there motionless trying to regain a bit of strength to head over to the kitchen I recollect Yunho hiding something in his cape when I entered. I wonder what he could be hiding. Seonghwa happens to pass by and sees me sitting on the ground. He walks over to me "Miss y/n are you ok? Why are you on the floor?" I quickly get up "Oh, I'm sorry Master Seonghwa. I'm really tired I just finished cleaning the chapel, Master Yunho insisted on helping me too but it was still alot of work." Seonghwa reaches over and pats my head "I'm sure you did an amazing job. I was actually just looking for you, did you meet all of your Masters?" I nod while I fidget with my hands "Yes but out of all of them I think Master Mingi doesn't really like me. Like at all." He gently strokes my cheek with his ice cold finger "Give him time Miss y/n, it takes a while for him to warm up to others you did nothing wrong I promise." He checks his pocket watch then looks back at me "I'll tuck you in to bed before we all head out to feed okay?" I give him a slightly confused look "You'll what? Oh, no Master there's no need for you to tuck me in, I'm a grown woman I can do it myself I'm not a child." I nervously laugh which causes him to chuckle "You're right, I just want to make sure you'll actually be asleep when we leave." I raise my eyebrows in slight worry "Why is that?" He presses his lips into a kind smile with the corner of his eyes slightly crinkled "I feel like a human like you should never have to witness a vampire feeding, it's not very pretty. In fact it's something I always tend to do in private because of how gruesome it can be to those who've never witnessed it." My stomach flips causing my nausea to come back "Oh.." He gently cups my cheeks and gently squeezes them "You're so cute. but please don't worry you'll be okay I promise you no one will hurt you. This is more just so you can have the peace of mind of not witnessing anything you shouldn't." Something tells me I really should just listen to him and stop doubting it. "I'll see you later then okay?" I quietly nod and he gently runs his fingers through a lock of my hair and walks away leaving me in slight shock. Yeah, maybe I should do what he tells me to even though a part of me is panicking making me think he actually wants me to sleep so I can be his next meal. He's probably just testing me if i listen or not.. Gosh my brain isn't making sense, I need food.

I pick up the cleaning supplies and head to the kitchen, I put up the supplies, wash my hands. and walk towards the refrigerator "I'm starving, I wonder if there's food here." I open the refrigerator and pantry, and to my surprise there were fresh groceries and meat. Weird. I thought they didn’t eat human food? So how did these get here? I shrug and go on and prepare some dinner for myself then Master San, struts into the kitchen sits on the counter next to me and meows. I glance over at him and pet him playing with him for a bit until he begins to purr "Ahh, I know what you want…You want some meat don't you?" He meows and turns into his regular form, he sits on the counter and looks at me and smirks I then look over at him and say "Let me finish cooking the meat, I don't want you to get sick." Luckily San sits there patiently waitng for me to finish until eventually I finish cooking the meat then I go to the fridge, cut open a small bag of blood and generously coat the meat in the blood. I plate the meat with some rice for San and I put it on the table "Here you go Master San I slightly fixed this dish to fit your tastes" I sit down next to him with my own plate of food. He takes a bite out of the meat and throws his head back closing his eyes in pure bliss "Miss y/n this is delicious! Can I eat with you from now on?" I take a bite out of my food and nod "Sure you can if you want to  but I thought vampires couldn't eat human food?" He shakes his head while shoveling meat and some rice in his mouth, he sits there chewing for a few seconds until he finally speaks "Well, we can actually it's just that human food won't benefit us at all and won't satisfy the hunger that blood does. Vampire hunger is much different and painful than human hunger."

A disembodied voice interrupts San and I slightly making me jump from how sudden it was "I'm sorry but I smelled something really good, I'm still not used to someone actually cooking in here it's been ages since I've eaten actual food" Shortly after Wooyoung walks into the kitchen with his hands in his pockets. San motions Wooyoung to come over and says "Here try this, Miss y/n is a genius this is delicious I don't know why we never tried this." he shovels rice and some of the meat coated in blood into Wooyoung's mouth, while chewing his eyebrows raise forming a surprised expression on his face then he turns to me in awe "Wow, that's actually pretty good… Can I please have a plate?" I nod and get up from my seat "Oh of course Master, sit down I'll bring it to you in a few seconds" I prepare a plate for Wooyoung but before I sit down I turn to San and say "Would you like seconds Master?" He nods and gives me a smile so big his eyes turn into little crescents, then I prepare him another bowl and set it down in front of him. With the leftover blood still in the bags I use them to make an earl grey tea infused with blood, I set down the tea cups next to their plates while they devour their food. I set the tea kettle in the middle of the table then I sit down and eat. "So when we found you that night, where were you coming from that you had yummy food with you?" San asks nonchalantly, Wooyoung glares at San and shakes his head then apologetically looks over at me "You don't have to answer that." I shake my head and smile "Nah, it's okay. I was just walking home from work is all." San blinks "Wow, that reminds me I haven't worked in years.." Wooyoung nods "Yeah me either, the last time I worked was when we'd get paid in grain." I gasp "No way you're that old.." He smirks "I am, and proud of it." San smacks Wooyoung's arm "Stop rubbing your immortality in Miss y/n's face that's rude" I giggle and shake my head "It's okay Master San, I actually find it pretty cool you guys have been alive all these years. If it's okay for me to ask, what was your former jobs like?" Wooyoung looks at the wall behind for a few seconds presumably to try and recall his past until he responds "My father was a merchant, I helped him load up our carts and stuff like that to and from the markets. It was pretty heavy work but nonetheless I enjoyed it because I got to spend time with my father." My eyebrows rise "Woah, that's definitely hard work but I'm glad it was hard work with someone whom you cherish that makes it much more worth it." Wooyoung nods with a slight smile "Yeah, I helped him till the very end, same with my mother. I helped my whole family until they were gone." I reach over and gently pat Wooyoung's shoulder "I'm sorry, outliving your own family must have been extremely sad." San glances at Wooyoung gently squeezing the back of his neck and slightly frowns "It is, it's one of the most painful things of being a vampire. It really messes you up for a while." I look at both San and Wooyoung and give them a comforting smile "I know maybe this is weird considering my days are numbered as a human but just know your family is probably happy knowing you're living your life well. Maybe in a very unorthodox way but none the less you're keeping their memories alive." Both San and Wooyoung glance at each other and look down at the table.

Did I say something wrong? "My apologies, for the unwanted advice." Wooyoung shakes his head and smiles "No need, we just remembered something is all." There's something they aren't telling me. "Oh, okay." I awkwardly look at the window behind them and take a sip of my tea "What about you San, what was your job?" San smiles "Guess." I tap my index finger on my chin and look at his physique. Considering how broad his shoulders are and how toned his body is, he probably did some sort of manual labor as well or maybe that could have also been his vampire power up. "Miss y/n?" I hum and look in San's general direction "I was thinking sorry, but I think I have a pretty good idea. You were probably a lumberjack right?" Wooyoung's eyebrows rise in amusement and he reaches over and pats San's back "It's those shoulders isn't it?" I nod and nervously smile "Ah, yeah..." San plays with the piercing on his lip with his tongue then looks into my eyes and smirks "Close, I was actually the son of a farmer so my family owned a farm. Funnily enough I didn't look anything like this when I was alive. These muscles are a product of what I turned into, unfortunately I was always very small so I was always in charge of feeding the animals with my sister while my father and his other employees did the heavier stuff. " I swallow hard and look at the tea kettle in front of us "Oh I see, do you at least have fond memories of your old self?" San nods "Of course, my old self was me as I was meant to live my human life and this version of myself is I, as I meant to live it as a vampire." Wow, he's very confident and wise, I guess he really doesn't mind being a vampire. "It's like you guys get a second chance at life, does that mean you fully embrace being undead?."

Wooyoung slightly frowns "I can't speak for the others but, it's kind of complicated. Like with everything in life it comes with its downsides. Unfortunately this life is a bit more brutal than our previous lives were. which kind of makes us miss our mortality sometimes." Hm, I don't want to bring up memories they're trying to bury besides I don't want them to think I'm being nosy. I look at their empty plates and get up causing a wave of confusion between them both. Almost like they knew what I was thinking San says "Thank you so much for the food and tea Miss y/n it was delicious." I warmly smile and begin to pick up their dishes "Of course you're very welcome Master San and Master Wooyoung, it was nice being able to sit down and have a conversation with you two." They both wave goodbye and before they exit the kitchen San turns to me "Miss y/n I'll see you tomorrow again right?" I hum queueing them to make their way out of the kitchen.

A while later while cleaning up the kitchen I hear footsteps approaching and I slightly tense up until I hear the footsteps come to a halt. I turn around and see Mingi, I quickly bow and say "Master Mingi, hello do you need anything?" He nods and hands me a basket full of bloodied clothes "This is my laundry, just came to drop this off for you." I walk over to him and take the basket from his arms "Thank you Master, I'll have this clean in no time." He turns and walks away without saying a word, I then sigh. I can't force someone to like me, so I might as well just deal with it at least everyone else is ok with me being here so far. I walk over to the laundry room and set down the basket of laundry, sorting though all of the clothes making sure none of them are left without spot cleaning. So a few hours later of scrubbing bloodied clothes, and drying it in an actual dryer as opposed to air-dried Mingi's laundry is finally finished. So when I walk over to his room and I knock on the door with no answer.  Something in my gut told me he wasn't in his room so I decide to knock again, but again no answer. I slowly open the door and see that no one is in there. Oh no.

I quietly close the door behind me and I set the basket on his bed, his room is filled with alot of displayed weapons from different times in history from the medieval "Morning Star" to the 1920's "Tommy Gun" I silently gasp and whisper to myself "He is lethal...who is he? Who are these vampire guys." I look behind me towards the door "I better get out of here before he comes back." I run out of the room and down the corridor while I look behind me to make sure no one saw. Everything seems like it's going okay until I run into Hongjoong causing him to grab me by both my arms tightly "Miss y/n, there you are. Seonghwa is looking for you."  His bloodshot dead grey eyes look down at me "Master Hongjoong I'm so sorry, I just got startled by something I'm so sorry." He cocks an eyebrow and slowly a huge smirk appears on his face clearly getting a kick out of my panic "You better not be causing trouble sweetheart, I don't want to end up having to punish you." I quickly shake my head "No, I promise I'm being good Master Hongjoong." He grabs my arm and walks me over to Seonghwa who was already waiting for me in the bathroom "Seonghwa, I found her." He meets my eyes and smiles "Hello there Miss y/n, time for me to get you ready for bed and tuck you in." This is so embarrassing, is there really a reason for this? Does he really have to keep an eye on me that close? Haven't I proven myself yet?

 Once Seonghwa gets the bath ready and leaves to get some towels and clothes I get in the warm bath making my mind begin to wander. All of those weapons. Are they planning on killing me? Is they why everyone just acts kind of weird? I mean, I know they're all vampires but what's with the tucking me in thing? Gosh, I wish I could be at home. None of this makes sense as to why I'm here, why does Master Seonghwa insist on me being asleep before they leave. My thoughts are interrupted by Seonghwa walking in with the towels and clothes, he sits down on the bench next to the bathtub "Miss y/n did you start washing your hair?" I quietly shake my head too scared to speak up, he then furrows his brows then puts the back of his ice cold hand on my forehead "What's wrong? Are you ok? You've been quiet since Hongjoong brought you to me."  I nod and faintly say "I'm fine, just tired." He rolls his sleeves and proceeds to wash my hair "You must have worked very hard on your first day today, let's get you cleaned up so you can get some rest." He then rinses my hair and smiles "I hope this can cheer you up but, Jongho told me you discovered his beautiful singing and that you couldn't get enough of it. So, we decided he was going to help me tuck you into bed." I look up at Seonghwa, his beautiful smile, his gorgeous slicked back silver hair with a few stray hairs that fell ever so slightly over his eyes. He's so gorgeous he makes me feel so nervous. His emerald and gold eyes look for a reaction written somewhere along my face, so he fondly and intently stares back at me. I was so fixated on his hauntingly gorgeous features I almost forgot I wasn't looking at a photo of him until I quickly snap back to reality "Wait, he's going to sing?" Seonghwa smiles "Yes, he is." I gasp and cover my mouth with my hands "Are you sure he's okay with that? Wouldn't it be a bother?" He shakes his head "I promise you it's not a bother he insisted." He reassures me, he then absentmindedly begins to wash my body, his ice cold hands touch my warm skin and I shiver. I shyly look up at him he and he gasps.

"I'm so sorry I forgot how cold my hands are, my apologies if it made you uncomfortable. I'll wait outside for a few minutes so you can finish bathing and changing" he gets up and scoots the towel closer to the bathtub, once he leaves I finish bathing and drying off. I slip on my soft nightgown, it was a nice shade of pale pink almost white and it fit me perfectly. I put on some slippers then I hear whispering outside of the door. Hmm, this should be good. I slowly walk over to the door to take a listen, from the sound of it it's Hongjoong and Seonghwa. I undo a couple of buttons on my nightgown for a cover in case anyone opens the door. "No, I already told you we need more time, it's too soon. She hasn't even been here one night."  Says Seonghwa in a low whispering tone "Do you know how impatient Draven is getting?! Seonghwa please don't tell me you're already attached to this girl? How is she any different from the girls before her?" Hongjoong adds slightly irritated "I told you, it’s her and all I know is that we need more time, stop talking about this here...I’ll tell you later."

As soon as the talking stops I tip toe closer to the bathtub then seconds later the door opens and I start to button up the undone buttons from my nightgown. I see Seonghwa carefully peaking into the bathroom "Done?" I hum running my fingers through my wet hair "Alright, now let's get you tucked in." Seonghwa walks me to a room with a sigil on the door, I noticed the same sigil under the bed only that it was big that it slightly peeks out out over the edges of the bed. "This is your room, get yourself comfortable, I'll go get Jongho." I climb onto the bed and surprisingly it was very comfortable. I get under the fluffy pink covers and remember that many girls have probably been here before me then I feel a pit in my stomach begin to grow and I begin to feel a bit uneasy knowing this is a literal death bed.

Seonghwa and Jongho come in and close the door behind them, now that I think about it 2 vampires and 1 girl in the same room doesn't sound very safe. Jongho pulls up the chair next to the bed while Seonghwa sits at the edge of the bed then Jongho says "Hi Miss y/n, I'm going to sing some songs for you." I lay down and they briefly look at each other then Jongho begins to sing, the song was so eerily beautiful that by the 2nd song I slowly started drifting off to sleep. Today was so exhausting and my body really felt it. Eventually I fall asleep, but unfortunately a really loud thump wakes me up and I lay there in bed trying to process if what I heard was a dream or if it was real. Deeming it something from my sleep I ignore it then half asleep my mind begins to wander. Why on Earth am I being treated like a child? A grown ass woman getting a bath and getting tucked in to bed from a 400 year old handsome vampire guy? Not to mention he picks out my clothes and my undergarments too? And what did they mean when Seonghwa said they needed more time? MIngi’s room was a whole weapon museum, what? This was too much, it was all a bit weird.

A blood curdling scream interrupts my thoughts causing me to quickly shoot up from the bed. In almost an instant my palms become sweaty, so I get up and I try to open the door but it's locked. My breathing quickens while I try to open the door again but it was in fact locked, I'm screwed. I hear footsteps quickly approaching so I quietly run back to the bed and lay back down.  A few seconds later I hear a click of the door being unlocked. I close my eyes and the footsteps come close to me then they sit down at the edge of the bed "I bought more time for us." Seonghwa gently rests his hand on my leg over the covers "Even at that, when we run out of time I won't let anyone hurt you. I've waited for you for hundreds of years, and I'm not going to let some greedy demon ruin the moment for me." He scoots over next to me and although I couldn't see him staring at me, I could feel it. He leans in and gently kisses the top of my head. I can't think, wait. What's going on?! I feel him get up from the bed followed by slow footsteps until the door closes once again and locking the door behind him. When I open my eyes and lay there in shock, I pinch myself to make sure I wasn't dreaming. I realize now that this was far from a dream and as weird as it sounded to think that a very handsome 400 year old vampire was in love with me, it might actually be true. Somehow. 

☽ ──── ༺𖤐༻ ──── ☾

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Next Chapter

[royallyprincesslilly]

Title: Lil’ Love {One Shot} *

Lewis Hamilton x Reader

Warning: Cursing, Pregnancy Talk, Pregnancy Fic, High Angst, Fluff, Very Mild Implied Smut, PLENTY OF WORDS

Words: 8.1k

Summary: With Lewis away working and you at home you get the surprise of your life which throws you completely off axis. 

Note: I got a request relating to this topic, so I decided to tackle it and include another idea I had a while ago. Hope you guys enjoy this. 

As always, thank you all for reading, I appreciate it. 💕💕

If you enjoyed this, please, LIKE, COMMENT, REBLOG!!

****NOT Edited/Proofread****

***Interactive****

~~~~~~~~~

 “Girl you lookin’ thicc as fuck!”

 Your eyes widened at your best friend Majid. He sat on the barstool behind you with his legs crossed and his eyes glued to your body.

 “Rice and peas ain’t miss her!”

 “Rice and peas, jerk chicken, yams, mac and cheese, all-a it!”

 You spun to him and narrowed your eyes. “You tryna say I’m fat!?”

 “If by fat you mean Lewis has been putting in that work, work, work, work, work on that ass plumpin’ it up then yes!”

 You hesitated for a minute then turned back around to the workout mirror you were currently doing squats in front of. The instructor that was mirrored in it had never stopped what they were doing, so you rushed to catch up.

 “It’s not just your ass either. New bra?”

 You stopped again and turned to Majid as you cupped your breasts. “N—no.”

 He stood then and came to you but instead of stopping in front of you he circled you as he examined your figure. You would have cringed if you knew for a fact that you were batting for the same team. There was no part of you he was interested in.

 “I know a thicc bitch when I see one. You were thicc before but now—you’re t--hi--ccc.” He emphasized the “c” in the word so exaggeratedly.  

 Your anxiety picked up then and you almost rolled your eyes. If your fists weren’t balled, you would have. You’d been battling anxiety on and off for the last three years. It had even gotten so bad that you’d religiously been on anti-anxiety meds for the last four years. According to your therapist, it was a process filled with ups and downs, triumphs and failures. You remembered a time where it had gotten so bad that you couldn’t do much of anything. Lewis had to be with you damn near 24/7 because your anxiety brought on acute depression. There were times you were having random seizures multiple times a day and considered a danger to yourself.

 Lewis, the amazing partner and boyfriend he was, shut his entire schedule down and became your rock. Remembering the care he took with you then brought tears to your eyes. Fighting them, you cleared your throat.

 “I have been eating good lately,” you said.        

 “If Lewis is home, you’re always eating good. Lucky!”

 You grinned and turned back to the workout. You were determined to finish the last fifteen minutes of it. However, as you continued, your mind kept wandering from the moves of the trainer and back onto the words of your best friend. Had you gotten out of shape? You’d be lying if you said you didn’t notice a few small changes here or there. Some of your clothes were tighter, you felt more filled out in some places, particularly your breasts, hips and ass and your moods had been shit. Maybe you’d been too indulgent in your meals and too busy to take proper notice.

 This was the busiest time for you at your wellness and holistic center, Breathe. To be truthful it was busy year-round. There was always a rush of customers and members who went in and out and booked appointments for as far in advance as three months. A lot of your friends thought the point of running a wellness center was for the owner to be chill and hippie like because of the nature of the business but that was not the case.

 Don’t get it wrong, you loved your business, loved the roll you played, loved the day-to-day operations and interacting with members and everything that went with it, but your workaholic antics and perfectionist attitude often made it difficult for you. You strove to be on top, and untouchable in the field which meant you spent a lot of time on advancement and creative ventures which ensured you stayed one step ahead of any competitors.

 “Hello, aarth to Y/N!”

 Majid’s snapping brought you out of your stupor. You were squatted and paused. the burn in your thighs suggested you’d been in the position for a long time because you knew your thighs could handle a squat or two thanks to your bedroom antics with Lewis.

 “Where were you?”

 The workout mirror in front of you was at the selection menu waiting for you to choose your next action. Just like that you’d zoned out on the last fifteen minutes of your class. Just like that you’d lost a chunk of time again. This was not the first time, and your absentmindedness was beginning to worry you.

 “You okay?”

 “Yeah, yeah. I just—dazed.”

 “You’ve been dazing a lot. You sure everything is okay?”

 You walked to the kitchen and grabbed the freshly juiced green and fruit juice from a few hours ago and gulped a few mouthfuls down. “I’m fine. Are we still doing that opening at Deco?”

 Majid scrunched his nose. “I think I’ll sit this one out. You know me and Tuesday don’t get along,” he said rolling his eyes.

 You mirrored him and took a few more gulps of juice. “It’s not even her store.”

 “But she’ll be there. You need to put her in place too. I know you see how she looks at your man.”

 Majid was right. Tuesday Antonio was one of those social media fitness girls who liked to post thirst traps every other day and bask in the thirsty comments of celebs, athletes, and rappers. She’s accumulated quite a reputation as a contract girl which meant she entered contract situationships with faves for money, gifts, status and attention. You didn’t knock anyone’s hustle and would never drag a woman for what she chooses to do with her own body and her own time. Pro women all day every day, but her tragic mistake was popping into Lewis’ DMs trying to entice him with spread legs. Actual spread legs. 

 Even though he’d promptly turned her ass down and informed he was in a committed relationship, which she knew, your ass was not in hiding, she still hung around him like a gnat circling over ripened fruit. Majid believed you should step to her and put her in her place, but you believed the opposite. Since it was Lewis who she’d stepped to with the disrespect it was his responsibility to shut shit down in a way that demanded respect for you and your relationship. He’d done that and whenever she was around at places you were together, he made it clear where his loyalties, and love lied.

 “Tell me you don’t want to break that 4th nose job.”

 You snorted, dribbling a little juice out on the counter. “Oh my god, Maj!”

 “What? Everyone knows it. The 2nd job was botched, the third barely fixed it and this 4th, mm-nm honey child. That surgeon must have been drunk that day.”

 As you wiped the counter you couldn’t help but giggle. Majid was petty, shady and rude. You loved it!

 “Fine, I guess I’ll go alone,” you huffed out in an exaggerated tone before you walked off.

 You knew it would be minutes before he was changing his tune.

 Two hours later as the car rolled around to the store, Majid sighed loudly.

 “I swear if she says anything to me, I’m going to embarrass her in front of the cameras.”

 “Calm down Dawna needs this to go smoothly. She’s worked too hard.”

 He sighed again then put on a sweet smile.

 “Good.”

 You got out of the car as a wave of nausea came over you. Pressing your hand to your stomach, you gagged it down.

 “What the hell? What was that?”

 “Nothing. Just—maybe the juice isn’t agreeing with me.”

 Tou swallowed again fighting the ball of vomit that was threatening to spew out. After a few moments, you had it under control and was looping your arm with Majid’s and walking to the store. From the corner of your eye, you saw the paps but ignored them as you stepped inside the bustling store. All at once the scent of sandalwood and rose filled your nostrils. She’d taken your advice on the chosen ambiance of the store, and you were pleased.

 “Aaaah, Y/N!”

 Dawna scurried to you in her chic ensemble then wrapped her arms around you.

 “Dawna, it’s wonderful in here.”

 “Thank you! Thank you so much for coming.”

 “It’s so packed,” Majid said as he double kissed her cheeks.

 “I’ve already cleared production cost with the sales I’ve made. Everything else from three hours ago on is pure profit,” she bragged.

 “That’s great. You put in so much into this venture I’m happy you’re seeing the turnaround.”

 Dawna leaned in then whispered, “The rich overly tan women love them some bougie looking but ecofriendly furniture.”

 The three of you cackled.

 “No Lewis today?”

 “No, he’s still finishing up. His flight isn’t until day after tomorrow.”

 “Happy to have him home?”

 You nodded while trying to keep your excitement at bay, “It’s been a long separation.”

 “I do not know how you do it. I’d be traveling with my man to every race stop, every event, everything.”

 “Absence makes the heart fonder,” you sing-songed.

 “Be that as it may but this coochie nightly makes a heart even fonder.”

 Again, you all laughed. Dawna and Majid were your best friends and throughout your childhood to now you’d always had each other’s backs and you took comfort in knowing you always would. As Dawna returned to her hostess duties you and Majid made the rounds of the store taking in every item. Dawna was right, they were eating up this bougie looking ecofriendly furniture. They didn’t even seem to care about the price.

 Passing by a group of women who raised their champagne glasses at you as you did, you politely smiled and nodded your head. Just behind them you saw a beautiful room that called to you. As you approached you took in each piece, a bed, a dresser, an armoire, adornments and just to the corner you noticed a crib. It all looked so quaint and serene as if Dawna had picked it right out of a Scandinavian home. It was simplistic in an elegant way.

 “Of course, you’d be drawn to this--shabby chic huh.”

 You spun and came face to face with Sade. You could feel the eyes trailing to you within seconds. It wouldn’t be long until the paps drifted over.

 “And of course you’d be drawn to me.”

 Sade giggled and turned back to the designed room. “Tell me something, Y/N, did you come here today to help your pathetic friend out by attaching Lewis’ name to this event?”

 You sighed, “Did you come to this event thinking someone who is attached to me would be here and you would get an opportunity to unsuccessfully throw yourself at him? That’s pathetic.”

 The sneer she gave you told you your words made their mark. Scoffing, you looked back to the designed room and again your eyes went to the crib. A random thought flitted through your head and with it your hand returned to your stomach.

 “You really think you’re the only one, don’t you? You really think someone like him, someone on his level someone as hot as him is only with you? I don’t know which is more stupid, you or--.”

 “Your delusional ass?”

 Majid slid up between the two of you so quickly you almost got motion sickness. You didn’t even notice him. Sade rolled her eyes then crossed her arms.

 “Of course, you’re here too. Riding coattails of fame huh Majid.”

 Majid stepped to her ready to deliver on his previous threat of breaking her 4th nose. You quickly pulled him back then stepped in front of him. It was time to end this once and for all.

 “Look, I get that you think you’re hot shit. I get that you think you’re entitled to every celeb, athlete, and rapper dick in this world. I get that you live fast and don’t care about anyone else as long as you get what you want. Fine. Do you Sade. Here is what is reality though. I am nothing like you, I don’t chase dick, I chase my own money, my own business. I don’t live to put women down because I am jealous of them, I don’t find joy being a cumdump. You do and that’s cool.

 She lurched for you then with her hand raised as if she were going to hit you. In seconds, you caught her hand then pulled her close, gripping the sweet spot of her tricep muscle right below her elbow where the pressure point that you knew would cause the most pain in this situation. Instantly, Sade hissed but it didn’t progress further. She knew that you had her beat.

 “I know you wanted Lewis; I know you thought he’d choose you and leave me in the dust, but it didn’t happen honey. There is no way you can take my man, no way my man would want you, and no way in hell you will ever--.”

 You squeezed the pressure points harder and she whimpered as she scrunched lower dipping lower than your eye level so she had to look up to you. “Ever win here. So here is what will happen, you will give up once and for all, you see him you stay the fuck away, you see me, you leave, you even attempt this shit again and this--.” You squeezed harder and now she was practically kneeling. “This will be the very least of what I’ll do. I know over 50 ways to handle you, don’t make me go to the most lethal. Consider this your final warning.”

 For emphasis, you glared as primitively at her as she was at you then pushed her back before walking off.

 “Hoe!”

 The rest of the afternoon went smoothly after that.

  ~~~~~~~

 -The Next Day-

  “They are having a field day with the pictures babe.”

 “I know. I’m sorry baby.”

 “Sorry? No, you don’t have to apologize. You look badass! Who knew you were paying attention when I was teaching you those Kyusho-Jitsu moves.”

 “I was.”

 “You looked hot doing it in your tiny shorts and heels. Fuck I wish I was home.”

 “Oh yeah? Why do I feel like it’s not because you miss me, but you miss seeing my tiny shorts and heels up close?”

 Lewis chuckled. “I mean I only miss em’ because they’re on you.”

 “Okay smooth talker. One more day. We’ve made it almost 4 months, I think one more day is a piece of cake.”

 “If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you didn’t miss me at all.”

 You giggled as you rolled around your shared king-sized bed. “Plead the 5th. Guess you’ll have to get your ass back home to find out for certain.”

 The way he looked at you made your heart race and your belly flip. “What are you thinking about right now?”

 “How much I fucking love you. I don’t think you understand. I can’t wait to get home to you.”

 You could have floated into the air right now; his words were that powerful.

 “I love you so much Lewis.”

 “I can’t wait for you to show me, rosebud.”

 Your phone beeped and a reminder for your appointment popped up.

 “Everything okay?”

 “Yeah. A meeting reminder.”

 “I hope you know that when I get home your work schedule and workload will dramatically decrease.”

 You snorted but knew he was going to put his foot down with how much you were working.

 “Laugh if you want but be prepared.”

 “Love you, bye.”

 You quickly ended the call before he fully broke his dominant side out. You knew when that happened, you’d have a harder time getting off the call.

By the time you made it to your physician’s office you’d managed to tackle five of the items on your to do list before Lewis returned and was in the midst of completing the sixth, restocking the groceries. You watched the concierge service workers from the home security feed as they finished the task.

 “Y/N?”

 Nurse Marlene stood beside you with a smile on her face.

 “Hi.”

 “Hi, come on back.”

 You nodded, gathered your things then followed her to the back of the office.

 “How are you?”

 “Eh, all right I guess.”

 “Hm, don’t worry we’ll figure this out,” Marlene assured.

 Biting your bottom lip, you followed her into the exam room then filled her in on the reason for your visit. As you explained the strange things that had been going on for the last few weeks you realized it had been going on for far longer than a few weeks. With each question Marlene asked, and every answer you provided a new piece of the puzzle was revealed.

 When your doctor, Dr Shullah, arrived you went over your concerns again. It didn’t take ger long to suggest an exam and numerous tests. Thirty minutes later, they’d taken more blood than you thought you possesed, every possible scan they liked and even had you complete a few paper assessments. You were losing your mind with the possibilities, and it was wreaking havoc on your anxiety. Seeing how stressed you were, Dr. Shullah decided to put a rush on your blood tests so you could get some answers by day end.

 After finishing your errands and a stop at your spa, you returned home ready for a nice bath and to call it a night. It was a long bath where you got lost in work as always. By the time you realized you’d been in there for more than two hours, the water was past cold. You pushed pause on work to go through your nighttime routine and reheat your takeout for dinner. Just as you were sitting to eat, your phone rang.

 “Hello?”

 “Y/N, hi, it’s Dr. Shullah. Did I catch you at a good time?”

 “Hi Dr. Shullah, yes the time is fine.”

 “Good. All right so I put a rush on everything as you know and I’m happy they were able to get me the results this fast. I think we have some answers for you and hopefully it’ll put you at ease.”

 “Oh great. You sound upbeat so I’m guessing it’s not something serious like disease?”

 “No, no, not a disease and nothing serious. You’re clear there. I ran all the markers and nothing alarming for anything has come up. You’re in wonderful health.”

 Relief flooded you and the tension in your shoulders fell away. Sighing, you allowed your body to relax.

 “So what’s wrong with me?”

 “Nothing. You’re pregnant.”

 Your knees buckled and your legs turned to jelly making you grip the counter in the kitchen. You couldn’t hear anything except the ringing in your ears and your heartbeat.

 “Uh—hello? i—hello? What?”

 “Can you hear me, Y/N?”

 You had to sit. Staggering to the stool, you slipped into it.

 “What did you just say?”

 “You’re pregnant.”

 “What? No. There’s no way. What do you mean? You said it wasn’t serious.”

 “It isn’t something serious as a disease,” Dr. Shullah added.

 “What! It’s a whole human being!” You were on your feet now.

 Your voice was shrill with panic.

 “Calm down, Y/N. Take a few breaths. I find it quite remarkable that you didn’t realize. You’re pretty far along.”

 “What?!”

 Again, your knees gave out and you were right back in the high back stool.

 “Yes. The HCG hormones in your blood is around two hundred thousand international units per liter or IULs. That tells me you’re beginning your second trimester, bringing you to almost 14 weeks.”

 “What? 14 weeks? That’s what?”

 “Let’s say beginning your 4th month.”

 “Four months? I’ve been pregnant for 4 months and I didn’t know?”

 “My sentiments exactly.”

 “I’ve been on birth control. there’s no way. Plus, Lewis hasn’t been around for 4 months. How?”

 “This would have happened sometime in April toward the end maybe the 19th to the 24th,” Dr. Shullah clarified.

 Your brain worked everything back to April. Lewis was in his race schedule, and you’d gone out for a visit. You gasped as memories from your two weekends with him from Australia and then Italy flashed through your mind.

 “Oh my god.”

 You’d freestyled a tour of the outback in Australia and camped overnight and made love under the iridescent star infested sky all night. Then the following weekend he had you sprawled out on display on the deck of one of the luxury yachts he’d rented for you to sail the Mediterranean. Those weekends he’d put it down so good that you extended your visit for a week at first then another because you couldn’t get enough.

 “Are you sure Dr. Shullah?”

 “Positive. Urine might be misleading but blood rarely lies. Congratulations Y/N!”

 “How? I’m on birth control, religiously. You give me the shot every three months. You gave me the last one!”

 “Have you been on any new medication? Some can interfere.”

 “No. Wait the new anxiety meds I started in—early April.”

 “Hmm. Sounds like we have our answer. As I remember, I told you to use a backup for the month until your levels even out,” Dr. Shullah recalled.

 “Oh shit. Oh my god this is my fault. I did this.”

 You could feel your anxiety piquing.

 “Y/N, calm down. Everything is going to be all right. Slow steady breaths.”

 Dr. Shullah talked you through your attack repeating all the calming mantras you’d said yourself on countless occasions. It took a while but after several minutes, you were breathing normally again. Dr. Shullah continued and advised you to stop taking any and all medication you were currently taking until she could assess if they were pregnancy safe.

The remainder of the conversation went by in a blur. After scheduling a follow up for the required exams to play catch up you ended the call and just sat there in complete shock. Long minutes passed and still you remained seated at the kitchen island staring at the marble floor thinking about everything and nothing all at once.

 “Pregnant?”

 You played those weeks over in your head trying to figure out which sexcapade did it. Was it the Australian outback, on the plane going to Italy, the yacht, the vineyard, the tucked away corner of The Colosseum, The secluded late late night gondola ride, against the massive tree by the ancient ruins or one of the countless nights in between. There was no way to say for sure, but your gut said it was the Australian outback. there was something about that night that felt so real, so different.

 “Jeeez. What do I do? Oh god Lewis.”

 Tears burned the back of your eyes as you began to panic again. Of course, you’d talked about kids, of course you’d both spoken about your ideals and expectations there. Nowhere in any of the conversations did either of you say you wanted them soon. The last conversation was about a year ago when you both practically agreed that kids weren’t an option until both of you were more settled. Lewis wanted to be on his way out of racing not recommitting to the sport. He wanted to be able to be there wholeheartedly and feared he wasn’t in the mind frame to be a father especially with how tunnel visioned he could get. You’d agreed wanting to solidify your company and have at least two more locations and more merchandise.

 Right now, was not the time. For the first time your panic immediately ceased as something else gripped you. Fear. It was so overwhelming that you felt as if you were choking on it. Your hand drifted to your stomach as a bout of nausea hit you. You were terrified. What if he was pissed? What if he felt trapped? What if he asked you to get rid of it? So many what if questions zipped through your mind. So many scenarios played at hyper speed and with each what if and each scenario your fear rose to astronomical levels.

 Suddenly, the doorbell rang but you couldn’t move. Your feet were planted where they were as if roots had sprouted from underneath the marble and had wrapped around your ankles. The bell rang a second time but no matter how you tried to move you couldn’t. When the third ring came you managed a step. Urging yourself forward, you took another step, then another and another until you were at your front door. After one more calming breath, you opened the door and nearly passed out.

 “Surprise!”

Lewis stood on the other side holding a large bouquet of flowers and the most beautiful smile. Your heart went into overdrive as it always did when you saw him while your belly did somersaults, another reaction to him.

 “Baby?”

 “I’m home.”

 He stepped closer to you, dipped down then lifted you into his arms locking his hands just under your ass. “I’m home, rosebud,” he finished into the crook of your neck.

 His scent engulfed you making it impossible to think of anything else.

 “Baby!”

 You held him tight as he slowly spun you both in a circle. You pulled back then captured his cheeks between your hands. “What are you doing here? It’s not tomorrow.”

 “I wanted to surprise you and I couldn’t wait another day. I missed you so much.”

 Lewis kicked the door closed then pressed you against the nearest wall. A moan escaped you just as his lips claimed yours. He kissed you like a starving man who needed the sustenance that only your lips could provide. Within seconds, you both had gotten carried away. His hands were cupping your ass as his manhood pressed urgently against your core.

 “Mmm!”

 “Fuck I missed you sweetheart. I forgot what it felt like to have you in my arms.”

 You opened your mouth to respond but Lewis kissed you again stopping any speech. You both moaned, then you felt his hand cup your breast.

 “Christ, you feel better than I remember.”

 His eyes dipped lower to take in the half-dampened charmeuse and lace robe you wore that haphazardly hung off one of your shoulders giving him a titillating peek of the curve and swell of your breast.

 “Fuck, you knew I was coming. You’re ready for me.”

 Your belly flipped again but just when you were going to think it was more than the effect of him, Lewis dipped his head lower and captured your nipple through your robe. Hissing, you jerked quickly getting overwhelmed by the feeling of his mouth on your sensitive peak.

 “Fool, you forget we in the car and you got luggage?”

 Your attention snapped to Miles who’d just walked inside the foyer with two hands filled with luggage.

 “Oh my god Miles.”

 Lewis didn’t bother stopping instead his hands squeezed your backside tighter making you buck your hips rubbing your bareness against Lewis. His groan was deep and dark.

 “Lewis.”

 Daniel and Andrew filed in and that was when you really became self-conscious. You unwrapped your legs from around his waist and tried to him from your body. When you finally did, you had a large wet spot over your robe which showcased your hardened nipple for all to see.

 “We’ll get outta here, just wanted to get him home to you,” Andrew said.

 “Thanks fellas,” Lewis said as they did their routine goodbye routine. Your belly flipped again, and you knew for certain it wasn’t Lewis—well not entirely him, it was the tiny version of him inside of you.

 You covered your mouth, trying to keep the vomit in while playing it off, but you couldn’t. You quickly ran from the room and upstairs to your bathroom. Locking the door, you hurtled to the toilet and released the contents of your stomach. As you puked your tears chose that moment to run down your cheeks. This was when it all sank in, this made it real.

 The knock at the door startled you sending you into a panic.

 “Baby? Are you all right? Why’s the door locked?”

 “I—I’m fine,” you lied.

 “Then open the door.”

 “Gimme a minute. I’m being all girly and bawling my eyes out that you’re home. I don’t want you to see it.”

 Lewis snorted. “Girl, don’t play with me. You know I don’t care about that. Open the door, I want to hold you and kiss you, smell your neck.”

 You pushed yourself off the floor and went to the sink to clean yourself up. Staring at yourself you took a few calming breaths. You looked a mess now.

 “Two minutes, then I’m yours.”

 “Promise?”

 “Forever.”

 You washed your face then brushed your teeth and after a little while of psyching yourself up you walked back into your shared bedroom. Lewis was sitting at the edge of the bed, shirt off and obediently waiting for you. As soon as he saw you his smile widened as did his arms. You swallowed the nerves you were still battling then crossed to him. Lewis wrapped you in his arms resting his head right atop your belly. A new wave of fear gripped you.

 “I missed you so much it’s crazy. It’s been so long that you even feel different in my arms.”

 Your body stiffened at those words. Could he tell the changes your body had gone through that you now knew was because of the pregnancy. With his head resting against your stomach, you allowed yourself to think of this event as something real. You were carrying a baby—his baby. Again, tears pricked your eyes. Tipping your head back, you tried to roll them back to keep them in.

 “You’re so quiet. If I didn’t know any better, I’d think you’re disappointed I’m home.”

 Lewis began to move to look up at you, but you held his head against you. “What? No, of course not. I’m—I’m happy you’re here. I missed you.”

 “Plan on showing me?”

 You snorted. “Of course you’re horny.”

 “Can you blame me if I was? It’s been four months and you’re standing here looking gorgeous and all seductive in that robe that hides nothing with all these curves.”

 His hands roamed from your hips down your thighs to cup your backside.

 “Damn baby. You feel so good.”

 He ushered you to sit on his lap where you felt just how horny he truly was. Your belly flipped.

 “Feel that? Seconds, that’s all it took.”

 His lips kissed yours then trailed back along your jaw to your earlobe then down your neck where he licked, kissed and sucked your flesh. A soft moan slipped from you, the evidence your body would always be at his command no matter if your mind was miles away. As he continued to tease your neck, he got harder and harder until you were sure he’d poke a hole through the pants he wore.

 “Fuck.”

 Lewis stood with you in his arms, turned you to the bed and laid you down. He then stood before you, taking in the view.

 “Fuck you’re beautiful. Stay right there, give me 12 minutes for a shower and I’ll come back to finish this.”

 “12 minutes? So oddly specific.”

 “Don’t move.”

 With that he rushed off to the bathroom leaving the door open. You laid there for a few moments loving that the bedroom was filling with his scent again. Nothing compared to the real him there to permeate it. Your hand found its way to your belly and a thought hit you.

 “Will he be able to see it?”

 You sprang up and hurried to your walk-in closet to stand in front of the ceiling to floor mirror. Lifting your shirt you turned in every angle to inspect your midsection. There was no evidence yesterday of anything being off, and tonight was the same. Your stomach showed no sign of pregnancy, but for some reason every alarm in you was saying he’d be able to tell if he got you naked. You made it back to the room then snuggled underneath the blankets. It had been such a long day and right now was when exhaustion reared its head.

 As you went over your worries and fears, weighed your options all wrapped in Lewis’ scent wafting from the bathroom, your eyelids got heavier and heavier. With the sound of rushing water from the bathroom you drifted off.

  ~~~~~~~

 -The Next Day-

You woke to a strange feeling. You weren’t laying on a soft pillow but hard muscle. As your eyes fluttered open, you felt Lewis’ arms wrapped tightly around you making you sigh. You laid back onto his chest and relished the feeling of having him home and this close to you again. With your recent separation due to both of your careers, you often found it hard to still feel connected to him and no amount of wearing his clothes around the house helped. It was a good thing he came home when he did because you were dangerously close to feeling neglected.

 You tucked your nose in the crook of his neck and inhaled. God, he smelled incredible. You wanted to dip under the blankets and suck him dry then ride him into tomorrow’s sunrise. The images that flashed through your mind were so sinful and tempting that you actually made the move to. However, once you moved a strong eave of nausea hit you and you knew if you didn’t get to the bathroom then you’d vomit all over him.

 Scurrying to the toilet, you released it all hoping you didn’t wake Lewis. You didn’t know how to tell him this news, you weren’t brave enough to. Hell, you didn’t even know how to handle this. As you released the contents of your stomach, which was interestingly little to nothing, you convinced yourself that he’d be angry with this change in your relationship. One of the many things you knew about Lewis was he planned everything down to a tee. He liked making plans and following them. He didn’t like things veering astray and he didn’t like mistakes. This pregnancy veered way astray, and it was definitely a mistake.

 By the time you finished, you had to get out of there. Having him so close right now was making this even more terrifying. After cleaning yourself up, you peeped through the door and found Lewis still asleep. You grabbed the clothes he’d worn yesterday and hurried out the door. Once you’d gotten down to the foyer, you put on his clothes, grabbed your bag and keys then bolted out the door.

 Five minutes later, you were zooming down the freeway with no destination in mind. It didn’t matter where you went, you just needed some space and quiet to think. Two hours later, your feet were dangling over cliffs three towns over just staring at the ocean as its tide crashed against the sharp rocks down below. As the waves collided with the rocks, the salty ocean spray floated in the air becoming one with the breeze then coated your skin. The scent somehow soothed the rolling nausea that still hadn’t left you. You’d sat there for hours and still hadn’t gotten the courage to do what needed to be done. Three hours from then, you still hadn’t moved though your ass was practically numb and your belly grumbling, begging for food.

By the time you finally got up the sun was beginning to set over the horizon and tucking itself behind the ocean. The orange, purple and red hue of the sky took your breath away and made you think of sharing the moment with Lewis. He loved sunsets and sunrises. With the view before you, you came to terms with just what you were afraid of. Rejection—his rejection. What if he didn’t want this? You were afraid he’d be angry and want you to terminate. You were afraid this would end your relationship because you didn’t know what you’d do if he really asked you to. You didn’t want him to blame you for it because you already felt guilty as shit. It seemed easier to just ignore things.

 Your hand found its way to your belly again for the umpteenth time since you’d sat there. It hit you then. You wanted this baby; you wanted him to want this baby. You wanted him and everything. You wanted your cake and to eat it too. Perhaps you wanted too much. You released a sorrowful sigh into the air.

 “You can’t stay here forever,” you whispered to yourself.

 Slowly you made your way along the path you’d walked early this morning back to your car still lost in thought. You had to find a way to tell him because he had the right to know. This wasn’t something you could keep from him.

 “Tomorrow,” you said to yourself as you climbed over the chain fencing that separated nature from the concrete of the parking area.

 Suddenly the harsh glare of headlights blinded you. You stopped in your tracks, shielding your face from them. Tires screeched on the asphalt, but the lights remained.

 “Y/N?!”

 Your spine went rigid. It was Lewis’ voice. He was here. Peeking through your fingers you saw a figure approaching you and all the fear you’d felt from the night before returned.

 “Oh my god!”

 You caught a glimpse of Lewis’ face for a moment before he pulled you in crushing you to his body and holding you tightly. He held you as if he were scared you’d disappear.

 “Oh my-- I—thank God.”

 He pulled you back peered into your eyes then checked your face and body.

 “Are you hurt?”

 “What?”

 “Are you okay?”

 “What—what’re you doing here Lewis?”

 “Me? What am I doing here? What are you doing here?!”

 He was shouting now and for the first time since he’d arrived you saw the terror in his eyes and the sheer worry over his features.

 “Uh--.”

 “I woke up and you weren’t there. You were nowhere. No note, nothing. I called and called and no answer. Seven hours Y/N! Seven fucking hours! Do you know how worried I was, how fucking scared I was that something had happened to you? I called everyone; I went everywhere. I even went to the emergency rooms looking for you. What the fuck!”

 You jumped slinking back a few steps from him. His features softened as he stepped to you.

 “Shit, I’m—I’m sorry I just—I’m sorry.”

 He held your arms again then bent forward seemingly trying to catch his breath. After a few deep breathes, he straightened. “I was worried. Then I got to thinking that you’d left me, like for real.”

 “What? Why?”

 “After how weird you were being last night, I don’t know my head went into overdrive.”

 He released you then paced in front of you. “What are you doing here? Why’d you leave? What’s going on? Did you not want me to come back? Is it me? Do you not want to be together anymore?”

 “Lewis, no. Stop. Of course not. I love you. I always want to be with you. I would have never agreed to move in together if I wasn’t sure I was all in.”

 “All in? This! This doesn’t look all in to me Y/N!”

 You nodded understanding his growing frustration.

 “I—I—I’m sorry. I just had to get out. I needed to go, I needed space and to think,” you rambled.

 “Space? From me? What’d I do?”

 He looked so hurt. You stepped to him and grabbed his hand and laced your fingers with his. “Nothing. You didn’t do anything.”

 “Then why? What did you need to think about?”

 “Everything.”

 He looked at the end of his rope. Pulling his hand away he laced them on top of his head.

 “Everything? What are you talking about? I don’t understand. Talk to me. Whatever is going on we can work through it together. Whatever it is I’m here.”

 You searched his face and saw no duplicity. He’d always been honest with you. You didn’t know why you expected that to change now. Still, you hesitated. The fear was still too strong. When you didn’t speak you saw his disappointment and it broke your heart.

 “I’m sorry.”

 “You can’t just leave me without saying a word or answering your phone. You can’t do shit like that. You have anxiety, I get anxious too. I don’t know where you are or hear from you, I get anxious. That wasn’t right, it wasn’t fair, Y/N.”

 “I know and I’m sorry, really, I am. I didn’t mean to be gone this long. I just needed some air to think.”

 “Think about what? How can I help you if I don’t know what it is I did or what’s wrong between us?”

 “For fuck’s sake Lewis you didn’t do anything wrong. You’re perfect. You are incredible. You are amazing. I’ve never had anyone love me the way you love me, and I’ve never had anyone put me first in everything and I know that’s hard for you because of how you are I get it and it means the world to me. You have no idea how much I love you, no idea how much I need you.”

 “Then why leave?”

 “Because I’m pregnant!”

 You hadn’t meant to blurt it out, but the words tumbled from your lips before you could stop me and the moment you said them you clamped your hands over your mouth. Lewis’ brows burrowed as he took you in.

 “Wh—wh—what?”

 He looked downright terrified now. Your eyes welled with tears and before you could stop them, they were pouring down your cheeks.

 “I’m pregnant,” you whined as you stomped your feet like a child. “And I know it’s not something we planned or something you want and it’s my fault. My anxiety and depression meds messed with my birth control and that one percent chance they talk about happened to me and now I’m pregnant and it wasn’t part of the plan and I know it comes at the worst time and I swear I didn’t plan this. I didn’t try to trap you. I was scared to tell you because I know you don’t want this and I’m afraid you’re going to tell me to get rid of it or break up with me because you think I tried to trap you,” you rambled half crying and half panicking.

 Lewis swiftly stepped forward and pressed his hand to your mouth stopping any further sound.

 “Shh-shh-shh.”

 The words stopped but the sniffling and whimpering didn’t. Your tears continued to roll as he kept his eyes on yours.

 “What did you say?”

 You said it again, but it came out mumbled due to his hand over your mouth.

 “What?”

 You looked at his hand and gave him an exasperated look. Slowly, he took his hand back and stood very still.

 “I’m pregnant.”

 His eyes scanned yours searching for something you weren’t clear of.

 “I’m so--,” you began but again he pressed his hand to your mouth.

 “Are you sure?”

 You nodded. It felt like forever the two of you stood there in the headlights of Lewis’ car staring at each other with the silence stretching around you. As the seconds and minutes ticked by, your nerves increased until you’d begun shaking. In the blink of an eye, Lewis’ lips crashed to yours delving his tongue into your mouth and taking control of a soul searing kiss. You almost got lost in it, in him but pulled back in confusion.

 “What’re you doing?”

 His smile was wide and that silenced you. Lewis cupped your cheeks and laughed.

 “Is this real? You’re for real? You’re really pregnant?”

 “Yes.”

 Lewis pulled you in for a hug then lifted you in the air spinning you both around.

 “Oh my god. What’re—you’re happy?”

 When he placed you back on the ground his smile was wider. “Of course. Why wouldn’t I be happy? We’re going to have a baby. You and me,” he said placing his hand on your stomach. You were stunned.

 “Wait, you’re not mad?”

 “No.”

 “You want this? You want the baby?”

 “Of course, I want the baby. It’s ours.”

 “Even though it was an accident? Even though the timing sucks and we didn’t really talk about having kids in real time?”

 “Yes. I mean yeah, the timing is not the best and I’m worried about that—a lot, and we may not have talked about having kids in real time, but you know I want kids.”

 “Yeah, but with me?”

 Lewis cupped your cheeks again. “Of course. God, Y/N how do you not know how much I love you, how much I am completely obsessed with you? How don’t you fathom just how much you own me?”

 Your heart melted and fresh tears rolled down your cheeks.

 “You want this?”

 Lewis nodded. “Yes. I want this.”

 “You want this with me?”

 “With only you, rosebud.”

 For the first time since hearing the news, you smiled. It was a smile that Lewis brightly returned.

 “We’re having a baby,” he said again like the more times he said it the realer it became.

 You nodded. “We’re having a baby.”

 Again, he pressed his lips to yours passionately kissing you before he kissed around your face making you giggle.

 “I love you so much, Y/N. I’m so fucking happy!”

For emphasis he lifted you into his arms again and spun around making you squeal.

 “Thank you,” he said against your ear as he held you in the air flush against him setting everything in your world back on its axis.

 By the time you got back home it was well past dark and everyone was annoyed with you for disappearing. After calling a tow back to your house you set out for the drive back. In his car, because he couldn’t stand to have you out of his sight now, he kept to the speed limit which was a feat for a man used to going upwards of two-hundred miles an hour. With his fingers intertwined with yours, his only explanation was “precious cargo to protect.” It was cute and you’d be lying if you said your heart didn’t skip a beat from his words. It had—several beats.

 Lewis stripped you then carried you into the bathroom where he took care washing your body and hair. Every chance he got he rested his hands on your stomach staring at it in marvel and every time he did you fell even deeper in love with him. Once you both were clean, he wrapped you in a towel then carried you to your bedroom where he laid you on the bed. He then lotioned your body with your favorite mango and date body butter then tucked you into bed before he slipped out of the room.

 When he came back, he had so much food, many of them your favorites. For the next hour, you feasted while talking about what both of you were up do during your time apart and the unlimited possibilities with the baby, he’d now dubbed lil’ love. After eating, you cuddled in bed completely wrapped up in each other. When his lips began decorating your body with kisses, he followed each one with why he loved you, how grateful he was for you and how beautiful and sexy he found you.

 Lewis’ lips pressed against your belly, and he hovered placing smaller kisses around the area. Watching him melted you. He could ask for anything right now and you’d give it to him—anything at all. When his eyes lifted and met yours you audibly sighed.

 “Thank you, rosebud.”

 “For what?”

 “For making us a family. For making me a papa.”

 “Papa? Why not daddy?”

 A devilish smile stretched across his face. “I’m already a daddy.”

 Just like that the mood in the room shifted from sweet and innocent to hot and sinful. The switch made your heart instantly race.

 “Right?”

 Lewis slid lower, then pried your thighs apart leaving ample space for him between. His face looked so right framed by your thighs. Nodding, you sank your teeth into your bottom lip and watched as he slowly peeled off the boyshorts he’d just helped you into only a short time ago.

 “God, it’s been so long.”

 “Too long,” you added.

 Lewis smiled as he wrapped his hands around your thighs then yanked you lower.

 “Then let me worship you, mother of my children.”

 He placed a kiss at your pubis.

 “My queen.”

 Another kiss landed just above your clit.

 “My entire world.”

 It was the last thing he said before he did just that—worshiped you.

  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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