#eden's longer posts

[epicene-ennui]

I wish I could exist as a person with OSDD1 on the internet without the constant looming dread of syscourse. Every blog has different stances, every space has different rules, every side tells everyone else to screw off. You can't step two feet into CDD spaces without either 1) seeing syscourse posts or 2) being asked your opinion on endogenic plurality. Hell, it's not even just in system spaces. It's in queer spaces, fandom spaces, discord servers, you name it.

I hate talking about discourse, but I will say this:

The CDD community is not really a CDD community. It's a discourse community.

Every post has to be tagged with "anti-" or "pro-"

Every informational text has to be footnoted with which "side" it came from.

Every blog stamps its stance at the top, proudly.

Every post focusing on CDDs inevitably has a comment that says "what about me?"

Every post focusing on plurality inevitably has a comment that says "this can't exist."

Every side spews hate, every side invades, every side lies and screams and judges and tears apart those they deem "unworthy."

There is no community in the CDD world.

Maybe that's just what happens when you try to make a community out of a bunch of extremely traumatized people.

In the end, there is nothing I can say except that I don't care. I am a naturally curious person, but I am also easily swayed. My opinions change frequently. I can never live inside another's head, but living isn't proof of anything, either.

Is it so hard to say that there should be a CDD community without hatred, without fear?

And, if you are reading this thinking, "this came from 'the other side,'" congratulations, you're part of the problem.

I came to tumblr under the impression that I could meet others who shared the experiences of living with my disorder. What I got instead was a cesspool.

Imagine if someone young, someone who is newly diagnosed, tries to find a community and is met with force from all sides telling them they need to choose? That to be a part of a "community" they have to quickly form opinions on nuanced topics that everyone acts like are black-and-white?

Surely these people already exist.

I am lucky in that I am an adult, with experiences of my own, who is not so easily affected by this push. But I worry for the future of this "community."

What happened to being curious? What happened to being willing to listen? To treating others with basic respect and dignity?

Maybe I had too much hope in humanity.

Anyways, I do not believe that just because you have a disorder means you need to fight on some discourse side. You should be allowed to just exist, without being told that you are a terrible person for either "not actively combating misinformation" or "not defending others' existences."

Live and let live, I suppose.

And again, if you think I am secretly a part of [insert side here], you clearly are not listening to what I'm saying.

[slimynematode]

THE ELECTRONIC YET PALEOLITHIC GARDEN OF EDEN BEARING FRUIT UNTOUCHED BY OVERGROWN MEGAFAUNA OF FUTURES PAST

[venus-is-thinking]

DRDT Handwriting Analysis

Hello everyone! I decided to take a look at the canonical handwriting of the various characters in DRDT. We've actually seen a good number of handwritings and it definitely seems like they are specifically written differently, so it's a fun new dimension of the characters we can look at. I've done my best to compile all of them in this post, but please let me know if I've missed any!

I'll be going in order of when we first see them, starting with:

Arei Nageishi!

Arei is our first handwriting reveal, which we know because she wrote the arm wrestling contest board in Chapter 1, Episode 2! She seems to write in all caps and has a slightly curvy style.

Min Jeung!

Whoops, murder time. Min's handwriting is seen on the "OUT OF ORDER" sign. We don't know it's hers when we first see it, but in the trial, it's revealed that she must have written it.

As far as I remember, we don't have another sample of her handwriting, which is unfortunate, given that I believe this is probably not what her real handwriting looks like. She's clearly printing in very straight lines; it's probably meant to look official. If it looked handwritten, it would lower the credibility of the out of order sign.

I also tried to see if you could tell what any handwriting looked like from the papers on the table in the Bonus Episode she's in, but I didn't manage to pick anything out that was actually legible. So, I guess we don't really know what Min's handwriting would normally look like.

Xander Matthews!

Xander wrote "Charles Cuevas' Motive" on this DVD, but a lot of it got smudged off when he planted it in the CD reader (god I hope I got it right I'm sorry Charles I'm trying to remember which is which).

He seems to use all caps. It's also not the neatest, given that the two Cs run into each other despite being on different lines.

Notably, there is a more filled-out version.

However, the red text isn't written by Xander himself, because he's dead at the time. As best I can figure, this is Teruko writing in an impression of Xander's handwriting. The image of the CD appears as Teruko says, "Hm, are you talking about this?" implying she's the one carrying it, and the rest of the writing is filled in when she says so. It might seem like it would be Rose, given that she's the one who figures out what it's supposed to say, but Rose instructs someone else to rotate it, so it can be assumed Rose isn't holding it. Teruko is the one to take the DVD out of the player at the end of investigation, so I'd really assume it's her.

...HOWEVER!

We actually have a specific example of Teruko replicating Xander's handwriting! She smudges it during investigation and re-writes it on. It seems to me like the creator went back to the original version of the CD in the trial (the little ink blot at the left of the O matches better with the first of the two images here, imo). I doubt there was much internal consistency given to how Teruko writes Xander's handwriting when trying to replicate it on this CD, but...

Teruko Tawaki!

Teruko's handwriting is bad-bad. It's very shaky and she struggles with letters. The O and C (as she thinks she's writing) that she replicates back on the CD have some more of the shakiness that this handwriting has, which implies to me that the creator knew at the point of the Chapter 1 murder that Teruko's handwriting wasn't smooth. The replication of Xander's handwriting in red back in Xander's section looks smoother than I think Teruko's would, which might be points towards someone else having written it. No clue who, though.

Notably for Teruko, I honestly wonder if she's meant to have dysgraphia? I don't know a ton about it, but it's a learning disability that makes it much harder for people with the condition to handwrite clearly. Just an interesting sidenote, if anyone with dysgraphia knows more/if this is wrong to say in some way, please let me know!

Charles Cuevas!

Back on track, I skipped ahead with Teruko to put hers next to Xander's. We don't technically have confirmation that this is Charles' handwriting, but it's very very heavily implied. It's written in cursive, which Whit says Charles writes in in the Chapter 2 trial.

This also implies that Whit has seen Charles' handwriting, which could add more to imply that this is his, but considering Charles has evidently seen Whit's (more in a sec), I don't think that means much.

Plus, as a fun note, Charles' custom weapon is the only one that isn't listed on the above handwriting sample. This is the biggest factor in me believing that it's Charles'. (Plus, I think Whit says something about getting it from a friend? I'm not reopening the episode sorry gang)

Whit Young?

Wait, where's the handwriting?

Well, as far as I remember, we haven't actually seen Whit's handwriting. We know from Charles that he dots his Is with hearts, but that's all we got. Sorry gang.

Eden Tobisa!

Eden literally gave us a handwriting sample. Thanks!

It's pretty cute! She has a curvier handwriting style with some irregular spacing, which I think gives it nice charm and character.

The Chapter 2 Killer??? (or accomplice)

Idk man! It seems like it has to relate to someone who's at least somewhat guilty in this whole thing, right?

I've written briefly about why I believe this is Levi's handwriting on @1moreff-creator's Levi accomplice theory post, but that would totally work for the popular theory that he's the killer, too. Either way, it's a handwriting sample.

Bonus!

NO WIFI! WHY LIVE :(

I have no idea who wrote this. From what I can tell, it might've been here when the cast got there...? The weird thing is that it changes.

Shoutout to @accirax for remembering that the white board changed, because I did NOT notice/remember. However, that begs the question...

WHO THE HELL WROTE THIS???

It's very possibly Veronika, as she's the one who's noted to, like, know and remember what Monokuma looks like. If so, that means we have a Veronika handwriting sample, yay! I really don't know who else would be drawing Monokumas. Maybe the mastermind...?

And that's all! Clearly there's no point to this post and I can wrap this-

Haha. You didn't think I actually made a post that doesn't have a theory to it, did you?

This has all been building up to me trying to figure out who the hell wrote this note. Because, I originally believed it made the most sense if it was a note that Xander wrote to himself, but accirax pointed out that we've seen Xander's handwriting, and it looks different. Then, I started noticing that we've been receiving various handwritings. Like, a LOT of handwritings.

I think that it's plenty likely that we're going to receive EVERYONE'S handwriting at some point throughout this series. Notably, all characters who have died thus far (Xander, Min, Arei, Chapter 2 Killer Even Though We Don't Know Who They Are) have already shown us their handwriting. This is probably because we're going to figure out who wrote this note at some point.

Does that mean everyone whose handwriting we've already seen thus far is safe? Maybe! I've gone through and talked about Xander, Arei, Eden, Charles and Teruko's with confidence. From what we know of Min's and Whit's, it doesn't seem like it's theirs, but I'd believe for either of them that it could be theirs if the devs wanted to pull a fast one on us (Whit could just... not write with hearts on the Is for this one. Min was replicating printed text).

I guess that means I'm saying that the most likely authors of the "Kill Teruko Tawaki" note are Mai Akasaki Ace, Rose, Hu, Arturo, Veronika, J or Nico, with Min, Whit and Levi also being possibilities that I just don't believe as strongly. I do want to note that, if Rose IS the one who wrote it, she could also easily be replicating someone else's handwriting. Ultimate Art Forger moment.

Conclusion

I compiled this image of all the handwriting I talked about with the purple being known handwriting and the gray being unknown.

I think it's really cool that the dev put time into giving each of the characters unique handwriting, and I think it's definitely a piece of evidence to keep in mind when theorizing about masterminds and killers and such.

Hopefully this was a fun read! I look forward to possibly figuring out the handwritings of literally every other character someday.

[lunaetis]

𝐏𝐒𝐀 - 𝐄𝐃𝐄𝐍'𝐒 𝐏𝐎𝐑𝐓𝐑𝐀𝐘𝐀𝐋 ( 𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐭-𝐩𝐞𝐧𝐚𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐲 )

this is subject to change once we see more of the new storyline, but eden's demeanor and personality post-penacony would change quite significantly from what we have seen prior. those who had met her before penacony and had formed a solid enough bond with her would be able to notice this change. prior to the events in penacony, eden was fairly trusting and open with strangers. she had no problem approaching others or open up about herself if she deemed the individual trustworthy enough by her standard. however, after penacony ( or at least up to the current point in time of 2.0 update ), eden will be less open and much more cautious when it comes to strangers. i'm still not sure yet how the event and story would unfold from here, but i can say for certain that the recent happenings and experience in the dreamscape will change the way i write eden with others. i'll list significant changes below ( to be updated & subjected to change ) :

overall less open, less trusting, more cautious. less optimistic, more realistic.

more observant, pays more attention to both her own body language and other's.

less energetic demeanor. more reserved. dimmer light in her golden eyes.

no longer quick to get attached, keeps distance with people.

is still blunt and forward at times but choose her words much more carefully.

more averse to physical touches when it comes to strangers / acquaintances. does not flinch away from challenging or daring touches but will brush away friendly touches / intimacy unless she truly trusts the individual.

quite self-conscious about the stellaron scar on her chest.

actively tries to be more analytical and less instinctual ( heavily situational. emphasis on actively trying. she's instinctual by nature, she's attempting to go against it and be more analytical. )

please note that these changes may or may not be long-term due to recent experience and exposure. this is a defense mechanism for eden. it's a change she felt the need to adapt in order to keep going and to survive this journey. she's still learning and developing as story goes, i just feel that i should write it out because it's heavily affecting how i'd write her interacting with other muses.

as mentioned, muses who met her prior to penacony will be able to notice the change ( including any hsr muses before introduction of penacony and her ship partners. ) whether you have your muses acknowledge it in our interactions / conversations is completely optional ! any new meetings that takes place post-penacony will have her new demeanor active. no prior relationships will be affected, of course. how she behaves with those she trusts wouldn't change much ( but that also depends on how deep the bond goes. ) so mostly it's new meetings / acquaintances that would be affected by this change the most !

sorry for the long read — i actually still have a lot to unpack regarding why and how these changes come about ( it's not just penacony, but its something accumulated over time. penacony events are just the trigger for it. ) but i'll get into that in a separate post because this is already lengthy hjklhjkl thank you for reading !

[epicene-ennui]

I'll start with this -- If you do have DID/OSDD, your trauma was enough. We're always told that it's "the most severe trauma ever rahhh" but in reality as long as a person experiences recurrent, chronic childhood trauma, it is possible that they could develop a CDD (complex dissociative disorder, catch-all term for DID/OSDD1/P-DID).

But let's go into your main concern.

This might be hard to hear, but it is a much better idea to focus on treating your symptoms than putting a label on said symptoms.

If you are experiencing flashbacks, amnesia, depersonalization/derealization, etc., the best thing to do is work on treating those symptoms. If you are able to see a therapist at all, you should tell them about your concerns about your symptoms if it's safe for you to do so. Look up how to manage your symptoms, keep a journal, read some books if you can, anything that can help you manage your symptoms without focusing on a diagnosis.

It might be that you are unable to get evaluated until you are an adult, and that is likely going to be distressing. See if you can find yourself a support system, whether that is friends, family, or a youth support group.

If you continue to be close to your girlfriend, hopefully you can feel comfortable opening up to her about your concerns. Tell her that you have been suspecting for several years that you have DID, and talk through it with her if she feels comfortable talking with you about it.

In the end, if you have DID/OSDD, or if you have CPTSD, or a personality disorder, or something else, no one will fault you for suspecting and being wrong. The goal is to heal, however that happens for you.

If you have any questions, my dm's are open, just note that I am 1) not a medical professional, just someone who lives with OSDD, and 2) that I am an adult who has been in therapy for a decent amount of time. My experience will likely be very different from yours, and that's okay.

Hi! I need some advice

So I’ve been knowledgeable about the DID community for about four years now and have had periods where I think I could have DID but those typically go away because my brain sometimes feels like my trauma and known mental issues isn’t bad enough to feel as bad as I do sometimes and I want to have worse issues. So I think my brain tries to convince myself that I do have those or could for a bit so I typically just brush them off but I think more this time that I do have DID/OSDD.

My girlfriend recently told me she has DID and she’s told me about their system and alters and I’ve directly met one of them besides her, so just finding that out also makes me think I might be lying to myself.

And it’s sorta just a lot of doubt in my head and I don’t really want to talk about it yet with my therapist, girlfriend, or friends, because if I say something then don’t have it I feel like a fraud. Just some advice would help!!!

(also I took some online tests from good websites which are obviously not diagnoses but all of them said I should seek mental evaluation cause my symptoms could be DID/OSDD)

(Also I’m a minor so I am pretty much unable to get said evaluations)

[sunshine-of-my-shoulder]

there's something in the water that's specifically affecting green haired princesses who have purple eyes and also bpd (momochi and hiyori)

[multi-lefaiye]

oh also with the art i just posted

the way i laid them out on the post is also very intentional

barley and strata are the oldest in the group, technically speaking, and also have the closest connection. they care very deeply for each other and have an unbreakable bond forged in fire after years of fighting by each other's sides. so, i put them next to each other.

james and hyndrol don't know each other at the start, per se, but their stories are very closely intertwined. i'll admit i'm not sure on all the details just now, but the vibe here is... the pirate hunter (james) and the pirate, both after the same goal without either of them realizing who the other is. so, they're next to each other, and james is posed like he's pointing a weapon at her.

and finally, eden and pevier! in the earliest EAAAARLIEST days of this campaign, parker and i had considered that these two had some long history, but we ended up dropping that idea. still, there's a lot of interesting parallels between them in my brain... the biggest one that comes to mind is that eden is very low empathy and pevier has much higher empathy and firmly desires to be a pacifist, which leads to an interesting dynamic. also. demon (tiefling) and angel (aasimar) friendship.

[porcelainvino]

“my underrated fav is sebastian” “my underrated fav is kitty” WHERE MY MAUD STANS AT???

[epicene-ennui]

So I was rereading Devon Price's Unmasking Autism and found something interesting in the conclusion chapter, which is titled "Integration":

"Internally, I was fractured, a series of faked personalities and protective shields that kept people at a distance. I could only drop the shield when I was alone, but even in my solitude I was miserable and confused. I was all defense mechanisms, with nothing left inside worth defending. When a masked Autistic person lacks self-knowledge or any kind of broad social acceptance, they are often forced to conceive of themselves as compartmentalized, inconsistent parts. Here is the person I have to be at work, and the person I must be at home. There are the things I fantasize about doing but can't tell anybody about...Here are the tension defusing distractions I'll deploy when someone begins to suspect there's something off about me. We don't get the chance to come together into a unified whole that we can name and understand, or that others can see and love. Some sides of us go unacknowledged entirely, because they don't serve our broader goal of remaining as inoffensive and safe as possible" (page 251).

And as I was reading this, I couldn't help but be drawn to the similarities between the constant masking of autism and failure of self-states to integrate, as in the theory of structural dissociation. Of course, autistic masking is not the same as tertiary dissociation, but I feel like the overlap of level 1, low support needs, high masking ASD and dissociative disorders makes more sense if you consider having to separate parts of yourself from a young age. It seems that autistic people might be more prone to dissociation, as seen in the chapter "Dissociation in Autism Spectrum Disorders: An Under-Recognized Symptom" in the book Perspectives of Dissociative Identity Response: Ethical, Historical, and Cultural Issues:

"There are reasons to believe that dissociation is a common experience for individuals with developmental disorders and particularly autism. Several risk factors for dissociation, such as anxiety and trauma, are known to be elevated in autistic populations...preliminary research supports that dissociation is a common experience for autistic individuals, especially those that have experienced trauma. This may have important implications for working with the symptoms and coping mechanisms that autistic individuals find relevant to their daily life" (pages 151-152)

Here's something else interesting, from the same chapter:

"Because of the high rates of trauma that autistic individuals experience, it should be no surprise that they also describe high rates of posttraumatic stress. Studies have found that 16% to 19% of autistic adults report being diagnosed with posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD; Griffiths et al., 2019; Reuben et al., 2021), and between 32% and 60% of autistic adults meet criteria for PTSD when screened (Haruvi-Lamdan et al., 2020; Reuben et al., 2021; Rumball et al., 2020). Autistic children have also been found to have more severe posttraumatic stress compared to neurotypical children (Paul et al., 2018; Mehtar & Mukaddes, 2011), although this is not always the case for studies that rely on parent reports (see Brenner et al., 2018)" (page 156).

If autistic people are more likely to a) have trauma, and b) have a more severe reaction to said trauma, it is no wonder autistic children might be more prone to developing dissociative disorders.

"The same social communication differences that make autistic individuals vulnerable to interpersonal trauma can also leave them without support to assist with their healing. Cognitive differences can make the trauma harder to understand, and mental health and emotional regulation difficulties can also exacerbate posttraumatic stress" (page 156).

On the same page, we see that it's possible that autistic people generally have less social support than allistic or neurotypical people. Without support to heal from trauma, especially at a young age, likely contributes to higher rates of dissociation (my own speculation).

And then, I want to end with this quote from the journal article "Revisiting the etiological aspects of dissociative identity disorder: a biopsychosocial review" in the journal Psychology Research and Behavior Management, from 2017:

"From a psychological point of view, multiple self-states that do not become integrated over time allow the child to compartmentalize trauma-related cognitions and overwhelming and conflicting feelings of betrayal, terror, love, and shame. Overwhelmed by intense conflicting needs and emotions, the child is unable to integrate discrete behavioral and emotional states into a coherent or relatively integrated self according to the appropriate sociocultural construction of self."

If people with ASD, especially ones with high masking tendencies, are more prone to dissociation and lack of integration of the self, as well as being at higher risk for traumatic experiences in childhood (see the book from above, on page 155, which discusses higher rates of childhood mistreatment), it would make sense that autistic people would be more likely to develop dissociative disorders, and, with substantial amounts of trauma, dissociative identity disorder or other specified dissociative disorder type 1.

This whole thing reminds me of a conversation from What Happened to You? by Oprah Winfrey and Dr. Bruce Perry:

"[Oprah]: At what point does dissociation as a coping mechanism become dissociative disorder, where the child increasingly takes herself to her inner world? [Dr. Perry]: Remember that a pattern of stress that is unpredictable, uncontrollable, and prolonged will sensitize the stress-response systems. And if dissociation is your preferred mode of stress adaptation for long periods of time when you're young, you end up with a sensitized dissociative response to any challenge. The dissociative response is overactive and overly reactive."

Dissociation is a natural coping mechanism, and isn't always bad. But if your preferred response to stress is dissociation, it can become maladaptive. If autistic people are more likely to dissociate, and more likely to experience stress and trauma that leads them to dissociate, then it seems it could be more likely for the dissociative response to become sensitized. Dissociation as a preferred coping mechanism as a child alongside severe trauma and disorganized attachment can lead to a lack of integration of the self. Certainly I am not stretching when I say that I think it is quite possible that people with ASD are more likely to develop dissociative disorders.

(this was mainly for my own enjoyment, and feel free to tell me your thoughts).

[manynarrators]

//How does anyone post fics once a week??? I am so impatient! I just want to post it now!!!

Me: I shall post on Friday!

Me (on the Monday after I post): surely it’s gotta be almost time right???

Me, le gasp: how little time has gone by!

Something else that adequately sums up my relationship to wtnv fic.

Me: Finally! I am finishing the fics I’ve had in my drafts for years! I have no more ideas! I’ll be free!

New ideas: abooooouuuut that…

Me:

[stories-of-the-multiverse]

((Still feeling salty so!

Gonna say this, if you hate Lilith for leaving Adam and Lucifer, guess what, you're misogynistic as fuck.

Oh how dare a woman refuse to stay with a man who has no respect for her body autonomy nor a man who grew to stand against everything she stands for!

Clearly she should have stayed to teach them better and do all the emotional labor for them, yet she valued herself more than she felt responsible for their emotional growth, the cunt!

Eat my god damn ass-))

[archivist-the-knight]

mcsm season 2 save me mcsm season 2 oh my god

[manybrokenquills]

hey guys, again, I don't know why you're surprised, we're just writing more fanfiction off the Bible, which is fanfiction within itself.

[river-taxbird]

The most common mistake people make when thinking about prehistory and how to avoid it.

In "The Dawn of Everything, A New History for Humanity" David Graeber gives what I think might be the best piece of advice I've ever heard for understanding deep human history, and that is to get your mind out of the Garden of Eden.

People speculating about prehistory before modern archeology were quick to frame early humanity as existing in a "state of nature", either with pure innocent tribal communism, or being brutish barbarous cavemen, then something happened to bring us from the state of nature into "society". Did we make a Faustian bargain by domesticating plants and animals? Why is evidence of intergroup violence in prehistory so rare? How did we fall from the innocent state of nature? This, of course, smacks of the biblical creation story, so even if people don't believe it literally, they seem to have a hard time letting go of it spiritually even in a secular context.

This is pretty much nonsense, of course. Humans have existed for over 2 million years. Anatomically modern humans have existed for at least 300 thousand years. Behaviourally modern humans (with symbolism, art, long distance trade, political awareness) have existed for at least 50 thousand years, from our best evidence, but possibly a lot longer. The time between the Sumerians inventing writing and urban living 5,000 years ago and now is only a narrow slice of human history.

If we want to understand human history properly, we shouldn't understand people of the past as fundamentally different from us. They were intelligent, politically aware people doing their best in the world they found themselves in, just like we are today. We didn't fall from innocence with the development of behavioral modernity, religion, farming, war, money, capitalism, computers, or anything else. The world has changed a lot, but people have been experimenting with different ways to live for as long as there have been people, like this example I've posted before about disabled people's role in late pleistocene Eurasian society.

People have been the same as we are now for at least the last 50 thousand years. We have lived in countless different ways and will continue to experiment. There was no fall, and we don't live at the end of history.

[godisasimp]

I need welt to win I mean c'mon now : he can create anything, if he understands it he can create it within seconds (including the star of Eden which is how he makes black holes)

[lunaetis]

[ eden doesn't use the word love often. ( as in saying ' i love you ' or ' i am in love with you. ' ) this, of course, doesn't mean she doesn't fall in love. quite the opposite. eden develops affection and attachment due to circumstances. sometimes it takes a lot for her to get attached, other times it doesn't take much at all for her to latch onto someone and makes them her focus. she's a wildcard in her own ways.

the thing is, she doesn't really know the true concept of love in and out of itself. she doesn't know what love is deeply enough to use it or associate it with the feeling she has for someone. to eden, it's mostly ' i like this person. being with them makes me happy. being away from them makes me sad. i want to see them and hold them. i want to be close to them. i want them to look at me and give me attention. ' it's focused more on what the other person and their presence makes her feel, and she's acutely aware of what their absence does to her. that's all she needs to know.

most of the time, it'd take someone else ( or even the person themselves ) to point out ' it sounds like you're in love with that person. ' for her to realize it. she isn't afraid of accepting it, though. once it's pointed out she'd just go ' oh ? is that so ? ' then after a moment of thought, she'd smile softly in admittance. ' yes, i think i am. ' like she had known it all along. ]