#ebay is king for weird finds

[burgertaco6]

reminder that shopify cant force shop owners to give out refunds after they fail to ship a product and ignore over 20 attempts to contact them so they can tell you its your banks problem and not theirs that they arent trying to protect customers, and that its MY problem i got scammed on THEIR platform

i wont fucking forget what you took from me shopify, im not using your services again, fuck you for making me pay money just so i could talk to your useless ass staff who were "working on it". one of your sellers commited fraud, you take money out of peoples pockets who think you'll help them make said money having their products up when they can just go on ebay, etsy, or even facebook marketplace to sell it for free without fees

no i will not be hearing you out, they took over 250+ dollars out of my pocket i could've used to buy food with they wouldnt give me back, i hope whoever sold me that "bike" gets put behind bars. my bank could not infact get me my refund, that it was indeed entirely your job to confront someone misusing your platform. fuck you and fuck your fake ass AI support staff

[bagelzest]

ok I've been writing down every code I could find and what they do for thisisnotawebsitedotcom in my notes app so here's what I've found so far:

• tjeckleburg - NEVER MENTION THAT NAME AGAIN

• bill - eye of providence wiki page, then sesame street jazzy triangle meets a square square (same result with cipher)

• bill cipher - triangle wiki page

• weirdmageddon - gravity falls gossiper newspaper

• soos - letter from soos

• pinata - bill piñata gettin beat

• mabel - stickers on everything till 'LAB NOW FULLY MABELIZED'

• dipper - note from bill telling dipper to stare at the sun for 13 hours, enter multiple times for a retina burning sim

• mason - letter from dipper

• pines - A GOOD FAMILY TREE

• stan + stanley - brass knuckles ebay search, keep entering to get wheel of shame page

• ford + stanford + sixer- ford's polydactyly diagnosis + report

• pacifica - letter from pacifica

• wendy - note from wendy

• waddles - pigplacementnetwork.org

• gideon - sweat resistant bolo ties google search

• fiddleford - cotton eye joe mv

• dippy fresh - burger king kids club r/nostalgia

• axolotl - YOU ASK ALOTL QUESTIONS

• tad strange - bread slicing

• alex hirsch - flannel google search

• blendin - TIME AGENT LOST AND PRESUMED INCOMPETENT

• robbie - text chat between robbie and Thompson, pic of them being taken by bill

• gravity falls - NEVER HEARD OF IT

• mystery shack - confusion hill

• blind eye - eye test, colour code at bottom- euclmjiannrepttgccvisignnsupervisionn I think?? EDIT wtf was I on that is obviously not what it says

• reality - IS AN ILLUSION

• the universe - HOLLOGRAM

• deer teeth - FOR YOU, KID!

• fuck - I get told to wash my mouth out with soap :(((

• book of bill - HIDE IT UNDER SHIRT DURING PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE

• giffany - enter multiple times, computer tries to block, SOOS, I STILL LOVE YOU, giffany appears on screen, downloading file IM NEVER LEAVING! file has all her sprites, a doc called ILL ALWAYS BE WITH YOU SOOS which is text in the shape of giffany

• euclydia - DIMENSION NOT FOUND

• portal - PORTAL.EXE HAS BEEN DELETED. I BET YOU COULD BUILD ONE

• toby determined - google search restraining order

• journal 1 - THE JOURNAL OF FUN

• journal 2 - THE JOURNAL FOR YOU

• journal 3 - THE JOURNAL FOR ME

• babba + disco girl - recording of dipper singing and listening to babba

• gun - OH YES OH YES OH YES THEY BOTH

• abuelita - best vacuum for walls and ceilings yt vid

• weird - weird al trapped in the computer

• xyler + craz - jem and the holograms theme song yt vid

• triangle - TRI HARDER

• theraprism - blue sign - IN CASE OF [the old one] DO NOT USE ELEVATORS

• yes - WHAT'S MCGUCKETS FAVOURITE SODA? (I tried putting in pitt cola and variations and nothing worked)

• no - YOUR LOSS...

• vallis cineris - creepy vid of baby bill held by static parents with voice saying why did you do it

• disney - RAT.GIF CENSORED FOR YOUR PROTECTION

• love + marry me (don't worry about how I discovered that) - pic of the love triangle book, click it and it plays an audio audiobook of it

• death - LIFE'S GOTH COUSIN

• life - LIFE: 72% COMPLETE. NOW LOADING: DEATH

• blanchin - how to blanch vegetables yt vid

• divorce - o' sadleys logo (aka the bar bill was at after "losing sixer" oh my GODDD)

• season 1 - SEASON -1: ANTIGRAVITY FALLS

• season 2 - SEASON 1

• season 3 - SEASON 2

• help me + save me + god - vid of axolotl swimming infront of a little bill statue

• ad astra per aspera - 2 journal pages starring ford and mabel, pls read them it's so good

• trigonometry - bill's attempt to have plato build the portal

• cray cray - mental health wiki page

• who are you - I COULD ASK YOU THE SAME QUESTION

• lies - bill talking about lying and nerds

• morality - fun game!

• R34LITY - henchmaniacs polaroids

• ducktective - DUCKTECTIVE STARS IN "LOVE, QUACKTUALLY" COMING TO: "OI, ITS THE COCKNEY CHANNEL INNIT?" THIS FALL

• question - ANSWER

• answer - QUESTION

I'm editing this post when I find new ones, feel free to add any you find!! please look at the replies to this post because people have found more codes!!

EDIT I'm probably done with updating this list, these are just the ones I found after goofing around on the website for 4 hours. other people have definitely made lists of all the codes found so far so make sure to check them out !!

[vikenticomeshome]

Cyberchase Meal Toys (1/?)

My quest to dig up remnants of old Cyberchase merch brought me to a weird place. I've already made posts about the largest Cyberchase merch producer, Flying Minds. Unfortunately, most of their site was poorly archived, so very few products could be identified. However, there was a smaller venture in the form of kids' meal toys. These weren't McDonalds toys, Burger King toys, or Wendy's toys. No, the Cyberchase toys were available through Carl's Jr. and Hardees around 2003. The cool thing about these two groups is that their websites had archives showing their past promotions. They started with a "Cow and Chicken" promotion back in February of 2000...

...and they finished with a "Scribblenauts Unlimited" promotion in December of 2012.

They had plenty of stuff in between. There were even some things I had never heard of, such as "Phantom Investigators", which only lasted 13 episodes. These may well be the only toys ever released for that show.

Yeah, I found the site really interesting, even though I don't think I have ever eaten at a Carl Jr's or a Hardee's.

https://web.archive.org/web/20170923092943/http://www.hardeescoolkids.com/promotions.asp#

But anyway, you came here for Cyberchase stuff. If you scroll through that whole list of promotions, you won't find Cyberchase mentioned. However, they did have a page discussing the Cyberchase toys. Here is the image from that page.

So, this is a bit bizarre. Apparently, these were backup toys for when the proper promotional toys were out of stock. They never got a proper promotion of their own. Maybe that's why they are basically impossible to find these days.

I don't own any of them myself. But let's talk about them based on what we know.

The least mysterious one is "Movin Matt". We get to see him make an official appearance in Cyberchase For Real episode "Bianca's Dogged Pursuit". This was attached to Season 5 Episode 5 "The Fairy Borg Father". The little guy was attached to some sort of spinning crank on the top of a Cyberchase-themed clock.

We even get a close-up of him when Bianca ties a string to him.

He is missing his stand in these shots. When he had his stand, you would put him on a flat surface, pull him back to wind him up, and let him zoom off. Just like a real Matt.

Here he is in a bag with his stand and a bonus activity sheet.

Next up, we have some close-up pictures of the "Delete with a Twist" figure from Worthpoint, which is a catalog of old eBay listings. The different parts of his torso can be twisted around to make different pictures.

Here are a few pictures of the double-sided puzzle.

And here's the best shot I could find for the Digit tape measure.

We know that at least one other Cyberchase toy was released by Flying Minds. We have the Digit plush.

However, the little Matt figurine may be the only figurine every released for the series, unless something truly spectacular is buried in Flying Mind's archives. I wish the meal toy producers would have carried over the "Movin" concept to other characters to give us an entire Movin Cybersquad.

I also would have settled for anything Hacker.

[onioety]

Okay!!! I'm fucking around with searches on the thisisnotawebsitedotcom.com's computer. I'll keep this thing updated with everything I find!!

(Disclaimer: typing names several times can change the outcomes)

List below!!

-BILL: either jazz triangle YouTube video or a Wikipedia link to eye triangle dollar bill things.

-MCGUCKET: cottoned eye Joe video on YouTube.

-MABEL: stickers will get sticked in the lab until 'lab now fully mabelized' appears on the pc's screen.

-DIPPER: Note from Bill asking him to stare 13 hours at the sun to develope powers to see 'special sun ink'. If you keep clicking, more notes appear saying you're on the right path. Gradually, the notes will get black (you're blind)

-STAN: HERE ME OUT THIS ONE IS MARVELOUS. The first searches will lead you to eBay and different random objects related to Stan (8 ball, rings, compression vest, hat, bow...). If you keep going you'll be able to see this (I love Stanley he's my baby):

Here you can take a look at a TON of random Stan-related things. Special mention to one of Stan's fear being having very small fingertips. I'll never be over it.

-DIVORCE/BREAKUP: THE FUCKING O'SADLEYS SIGN. I'M.

-BOYFRIEND: the romance book.

No because maybe there's more to this... 'there's three sides to every story'. Yes, triangle, love triangle, it's a very good pun. But we had Ford's POV in Diaries 3 and Bill's in the book of Bill. Thinking thoughts.

-GIDEON: sweat resistant bolo ties search on Google.

-TRIANGLE: ')' and 'tri harder'

-ALEX: flannel search on google

-PORTAL: 'portal.exe has been deleted. I bet you could build one'

-GRAVITY FALLS: 'never heard of it'

-FORD/SIXER: 18th y.o Ford's hand radiography. Weird something written I cannot really tell?? H8T0? HBT0? HBTO? H8TO?

-WENDY: 👌

-SOOS: some notes written down by him. Claims that when looking at the book everything glitches and he just sees 'HE'S UNCORRUPTABLE'.

-PIÑATA: video of a girl punching a Bill-shaped piñata.

-ABUELITA: vacuum cleaner commercial spot on YouTube.

-Any insult: soap image, angry message. They do not approve us.

-LIES: okay I find this specially important because the book is very introspective and gives out a lot of info about Bill but we all know he's an unreliable narrator. He rants about post-truth, scientism and superstition (very cool and interesting philosophical topics if I may say). But it's specially interesting when it comes to understanding Bill and his mindset. Lie until what you want becomes true, which can't. Lie until you can't remember what's a lie and what isn't. Reality is doomed, if you can't physically escape, do so in your mind. Lie until you aren't lying anymore. Reality is a compendium, and ultimate construct, a truth of lies, a possibility among endless. Lies are truths

-GOD: video of an axolot swimming with a Bill figurine made out of rock.

-HEY NERD: advertisement

-EVEN HIS LIES ARE LIES:

SORRY: Old picture of Fiddleford and Stanford back in college :(

ONE EYED KING: fucking morse code. Took me some minutes to catch it: -./.-/../-/.../..-/.-/..-.

Resulting in: NAITSUAF. If you enter this word as a new code, you'll see a page with a contract and terms of service to sell your soul. It has a code that translates to: 'you're now twenty one grams lighter'.

[avs-serotonin-area]

SPOILERS FOR THISISNOTAWEBSITEDOTCOM

WIP

i wanted to compile all the results i got- mainly so i can reference it but if it’s helpful to anyone else that’s great! definitely not complete and there are 100% better lists though lol

when you type in:

Mabel - makes glowy stars appear!

Dipper - before this there was a message for Dipper to stare at the sun to see some secret writting

the image in then all black

Stanford -

Stanley - ebay link for gold chains or brass knuckles

Soos - his entry trying to dissuade you from trusting Bill, its like 3 pages long

Pacifica - her entry trying to dissuade you from trusting Bill

Wendy - you guessed it!

Gideon - audio of him humming and saying "I love you forever Mabel"

Robbie - messages between him and Thompson. They find Bill and are scared for life basically.

McGucket - youtube link for Cotton Eye Joe

Bill - a Sesame Street video about a jazzy triangle and a square??

Blanchin - video on blanchin vegtables

Abuelita - video on best vaccum for walls and ceilings

Trigonometry/math/Greece/geometry -

Blind eye -

Journal 1 - “The journal of fun”

Journal 2 - “The journal for you”

Journal 3 - “The journal for me”

Mystery - “?”

Book of Bill -

Ducktective -

Disney -

Tad Strange - it’s just a video of someone cutting bread… i think it has something like a romantic instrumental in the background

Toby Determined - takes you to a google search on “restraining order”

Triangle - i could’ve sworn it said “tri harder than that” or something along those lines but after typing it again i just see “ ) “ it’s just an end parenthesis

Gravity Falls - “never heard of it”

Season 1 - “season -1: antigravity falls”

Season 2 - “season 1”

Season 3 - “season 2”

Mat Pat/game theory - a video of mat pat saying he can’t help us this time

Weird - a video of weird al. he’s stuck in the computer

Baby/daddy -

Gun - “oh yes oh yes oh yes they both”

Mason -

Alex Hirsch - takes you to a google search for flannel

History - “‘I have received a message from the universe: 1 2 3’ - Nichola Tesla

Cipher - take you to a wiki page for the eye of providence

Portal- “portal.exe has been deleted. i bet you could build one”

Giffany - 1st time “Input deleted. AI antiviral activated” 2nd time “warning: secondary firewall breached” 3rd time "fatal warning. system under attack" 4th time "Soos!! I still love you (the distorted) we will be together" 5th time "Now downloading girlfriend. this action cannot be undone" 6th time a distorted giffany video pops up and the file is downloaded.

Blendin - “time agent lost and presumed incompetent”

No - “your loss…”

Pines - “a good family tree”

Death - “life’s goth cousin”

Fuck (other swear words etc) -

Mystery shack - takes you to a search for “confusion hill”

You’re insane - “sure i am what’s your point?”

Filbrick - “im not impressed”

Waddles - takes you to pigplacementnetwork.org

Who are you - “i could ask you the same question”

Reality - “is an illusion"

Divorce -

Disco girl - a singing audio presumably of dipper listening to disco girl

T.J. Eckleburg - “never mention that name again”

Kings of new jersey - downloads a “secret code” file

Love -

Axolotl- "you ask alotl questions"

Craz/Xyler - Jem and the Holograms theme song

Im still on your mind- seems to be a video of Stan and Ford on their boat...

Theraprism -

Rat - "Thurnburts' number?"

Deer teeth - "for you, kid!"

Tourist trap -

Paper Jam - picture of paper jam dipper. you can print him!

Fordtramarine -

Any "gen alpha term" and various other terms may result in this - "Life privileges revoked. Now releasing poison gas."

Bubble - I cant tell what it does if anything. Doesn't get a big red X though? edit: if you type in mabel after you enter bubble you get an eye sticker! if you keep entering mabel you get more stickers. the lab is now "fully mabelized"

Pinata - video of a child hitting a Bill Cipher pinata, with added sound effects

Dippy Fresh -

Weirdmageddon -

"Vallis Cineris (found when lightning flashes on the upper left corner of the wall) - "Why did you do it?"

[transitat]

The General Nosiness Tag

Tagged by @writerrose1998

A beautiful place you visited that made you very happy (pictures welcome!).

Ilha do Mel (Honey Island) in the south coast of Brazil. It has a broken down fort right on the beach where you can almost feel the history of the place.

A book or written piece of media that made you go "oh yesssss".

I'm very much into poetry, so I just have to mention Richard Siken's Crush. A really good book I read this year is A Dowry of Blood by S. T. Gibson.

Your Spotify top song of the year.

So You Say by No Pressure. Funny story: I bought tickets to see them live in two different cities this year and saw them zero times due to weather and train delays (fuck the Deutsche Bahn).

Your favorite line/paragraph that you've written or an artwork that you're proud of.

Idk why this one had me cackling: Secure in the knowledge that they're all going to hell, Tyler waves his hand at Lucas and Bianca and drives his heels into the horse's flanks. From Nun'a'ya Business.

Your favorite painting/art piece.

This weird painting my grandmother has had forever.

I'm also absolutely obsessed with churches and religious imagery.

A language that sounds beautiful to your ears.

Italian. I really can't get over it.

Rec some fics that you keep going back to.

There are so many, but I find myself often rereading @suchaladyy and @cupoteahatter works.

Please, please share pictures of your pets if you're comfortable with that.

Kings of the trash. Damasco (Apricot) on the brown boxes and Pêssego (Peach) on the mixer. They're 3 year old twins and a bonded pair that I adopted from Bulgaria on ebay.

They have a lot of love and zero braincells.

A happy story from your life.

The time my waifu and I proved we're the stupidest idiots in Europe. We travel a lot to see our favorite bands live but I live in Munich while she lives in Leipzig, so sometimes we just meet at our destination.

We went to Paris to see Bring Me The Horizon and took trains there. I had a connection in Mannheim and was keeping her updated.

"I'm about to get on the train in Mannheim."

"Cool, my train is just pulling up to Mannheim central station, we'll probably get there around the same time," she said.

"Awesome," I replied, still stupid. "I get there around 5pm."

"That's good," she said, also stupid. "We won't have to wait for each other, my train arrives in Paris at 16:55."

"Oh," I reply while waiting to stow my luggage. "We might be on the same train. That would be fate bringing me to thee, lady wife."

"Oh yeah," (note that we're still stupid) "I'm in carriage 17."

"Me too!" I'm trembling in excitement. "What seat?"

"75"

"I'm in seat 74, omggg!!"

Anyway, turns out we'd booked the tickets together about 8 months before and completely forgot that we reserved seats next to each other. It's been 2 years, we're still stupid.

A show or movie that you could rewatch forever.

X-Men: First Class. The soundtrack, the plot, the shots! I've watched it so many times.

[julie-su]

Hypothetical time (yep, it's another one of these)

You've been asked to make a sequel to one of your favourite movies. What movie you following up?

(I'd personally go with 1991's The Little Engine That Could, maybe do like a Christmas or Halloween special or something)

OOOH. See, this one is an extra-toughie, because the last movie I pined for a sequel to, was... Wreck-it Ralph. (Weird, they never made a sequel to that movie? Nono, no, don't correct me.)

Actually.. Could I make my own sequel to Wreck-it Ralph? The original was a 30-something year production and love-letter to the history of videogames; I think that I'd like to continue that trend. I always wanted to have more time to explore the insides of the games, and maybe get some more deep-cut favourites in there. I would LOVE another hour-thirty romp through refference after refference, whilst we explore some new narrative. Half of what made the first one so great, was just the sheer novelty and enjoyment of 'oh my god! It's Q*bert! It's Tapper! They're in Pacman! Sonic is at the party!' -- It's the same reason that, say, the Smash Bros series is so much fun - it's just an excuse to put a bunch of known characters, from semi-obscure to household-name, and let you geek out about that! Maybe discover some new characters.

I don't want to spend a LOT of time talking about why I didn't like Wralph Breaks the Internet... But I will say, it felt like they missed the mark entirely on why the references in the first film were charming - because every reference in WBTI is just... It feels gross. "eBay! Amirite! YouTube! You know what youtube is!" -- What emotion is this supposed to elicit? This isn't the same at all as when King Candy inputs the Konami Code on a NES controller.... You're not pulling from my knowledge base, you're just showing me product placement. This isn't like how they had the concept art Sub-Zero standing in the halls, this is just... Sad. Like, I KNOW Capcom crossovers are dime-a-dozen, but there's still nothing quite as exciting as 'IS THAT CAMMY IN THE BACKGROUND? OF MY BIG-SCREEN CINEMA FLICK?' -- And then you get to explain to your unassuming friends why Cammy is great.

Maybe it's a story about... The cabinets being bought as a lot, and being moved to a large F2P Arcade, with a tonne of other cabinets? A sort of 'moving to the big city' movie, except the 'big city' is a two-floor F2P passion project, and now the Sugar Rush cabinet is neighbour to pop'n music, and they've got Jubeat and MaiMai, and IS THAT REIMU and it's all so very much to take in -- Litwak's hadn't really seen a new cabinet, so now they're also having to comprehend all of these... Like... 2018 cabinets, and, and, and... It's sort of a story about changes and moving on, like... Accepting that the world is changing so rapidly, and finding your place in that world. I think if you gave it 5-10 years, that sort of story would stick well with the people who watched it as a teen or kid in 2012.

IT COULD BE SO GOOD.

[turtlemagnum]

i think my first exposure to AI art might've been this video where somebody was testing out this new, weird thing where they automatically generate a song using AI, and i couldnt help but feel that it was an indictment of the modern music scene that a goddamn computer could effortlessly and accurately replicate the generic swill that passes for popular music nowadays. didnt have a vocalist synthesized yet but those have been becoming a thing too, or so i hear.

i saw a little article about how the newer generations of gamers are turning more and more to retro games. as somebody technically belonging to the "newer generations" this felt self evident, as frankly most of the gaming i do nowadays is almost invariably in an emulator. i think that to a certain extent, most of the best mainstream games that are going to be made already have been, at least for the forseeable future of major developers with games made scientifically perfect for milking you for the most money possible rather than as an art form. im sure it's all gonna collapse in on itself eventually, from what i hear some of the older folks who lived through more than i have we've been here before. hell, pretty much anybody who cares even a bit about gaming history knows first and foremost about the gaming crash of the early 80s, mostly spurred on by the temporal equivalent of modern cheap asset flip garbage that floods most stores these days. it's hard not to feel like we're about to see a massive crash yet again, with the ones inheriting the earth being the little fellas, and of course nintendo. which, makes sense, their earliest history is of weathering shit just like this, of course they'd know when to spot enshittification and stay clear of it. i'm in no way saying that nintendo is exempt of being a shitty corporation, but i will say that from a business standpoint they're one of the only ones i know of that actually seem to understand the idea of sustainability on a broad scale. hell of a lot better than the likes of activision, thats for damn sure. but back to what i was actually trying to get at before i adhd tangent'd, i think it makes a lot of sense that when the majority of the shit being put on the market is corporatist, design by comittee, prefab trash with aggressive monetization and a consistent attitude of fixing any problems in patches, it makes a hell of a lot of sense that we'd go back to our roots. NES mario is the same as its ever been, has been for over 30 years, and will be in another 30. you dont gotta worry about them patching it to make it actually function as advertised, or patching it from being something you enjoyed into something you hate, or having fomo marketing based microtransaction bullshit. the most that's gonna change is that every now and again, nintendo will make the only version they give not have flashing lights for epileptic folks, or patch out mike tyson because he sucks and replace him with a white guy, and the white guy's less hard but thats ok because it's still pretty hard, and either way it's a good game, fun, and you can still find the original on rom sites and also probably ebay if you dont have a vpn but do have a disposable income, so dont worry about it. getting sidetracked again, ANYWAYS-

what i wanted to get at is that i wonder if we're gonna see a similar resurgence in other old kinds of media just like, in general, for the mainstream. like why watch the 22nd reboot of ghost busters when the originals are right there. king crimson's still good, why dont you listen to them instead of bemoaning how your new favs are problematic, even though i dont think fripp can reclaim the fag slur (im gay, i can it's fine). i've recently been watching fist of the north star and original dragon ball, ilike the m. there are books. lots of those, actually,. you can read em! if you have the attention span. i honestly think we might be seeing more and more of this, now that im looking out for it. like i see just like, random people mention how much they like prog rock or 1930s dracula. relatively normals talk about how they like lemon demon these days. those stupid aestheticized classic anime accounts on twitter get sososo many likes. can you tell im sleep deprived writing this? i can, and im writing thjis. im writing this SO HARD. send poast.

[josephthesnailshow]

Burnt Luigi (Post #1)

"Burnt Luigi" is a Creepypasta/ARG created by JosephTheSnail (or JosephTheSnailShow). The story explains a weird copy of Super Mario 64, an installment of Nintendo's Super Mario franchise, where the player supposedly activated an easter egg that shows Luigi burning alive and becoming disfigured afterwards. The game itself was suddenly found at Gamestop, even though they don't sell games like that. The weird part about this game is that Luigi never even appeared in it until it got remade for the DS.

------------------------------------------------------------

Personally, I don't know how to start this, but I love Nintendo. The console I grew up with was the Nintendo 64. The games on the console are great, but the one I liked the most was Super Mario 64. Unfortunately, I realized that I don’t have a copy of Super Mario 64 since, if I remember correctly, my parents sold a lot of games I had, and as we were moving at the time, we kept the original Super Smash Bros., in which I had a lot of fun playing.

Anyway, we saved up, and we had enough money to afford more games, so I asked my parents if I could get Super Mario 64 again; they agreed, and I went across the street to the nearby GameStop next to Walmart because it's a submall with GameStop. Now, keep in mind that my first idea was to get the game from eBay; however, I don't really trust the sellers, so I went to GameStop to see if they were having a nostalgia sale or whatever. For some reason, I didn't expect this—I found the game along with other games like Majora's Mask, another favorite game of mine, without hesitation; I purchased it and Majora's Mask because of my nostalgia trip—but there was no short message written in sharpie on the cartridge or anything eerie from one of those haunted game stories I'd seen before.

I returned home and turned on my Nintendo 64 to begin playing, and the game began as it usually does: I was greeted by the head of Mario, I pressed START, and it played the cutscene where Mario jumped out of the pipe. I didn't find anything weird; it was like any other Mario game. Keep in mind that this game was not cheap; it cost the exact same as what you would expect from a Super Mario 64 copy.

Anyway, when I first started the Bob-omb Battlefield level, I collected stars one by one.

After I reached the top of the mountain, King Bob-omb came there to greet Mario and say his line. For some reason, his brother is mentioned in the text, but I don't remember what it said because I was focused on the good part of the level, fighting King Bob-omb. I did notice the text, though; it said something about Luigi. If you saw the text in the original game, it was familiar, but this game included a different way to end the message.

I didn't care since there's nothing weird about hearing Luigi mentioned in any of the Mario series. I finally collected the star after I defeated King Bob-omb.

Nothing really weird happens; it's just me having fun.

But I played the game until I unlocked the basement after defeating Bowser and getting the key. I didn’t go into any detail because nothing fascinating happened, and then I entered the basement.

This area always creeped me out as a kid since it was dark down there, and it gave me an eerie feeling like the regular game gave me; I don’t know why. I just walked around; I usually stopped periodically and mashed the buttons on my N64 controller to activate something; I don’t know what I activated, but I might’ve activated a secret; and eventually, I reached the part of the basement where the picture frame of Lethal Lava Land is after running through the halls.

For some reason, instead of the figure in the picture frame, it was Luigi. For some odd reason, this version of Super Mario 64 is so dedicated to Luigi that it's almost like the "Year of Luigi" thing is still continuing; I personally didn't find anything wrong with it since I like Luigi as a character after all.

Again, it didn’t seem too out of the ordinary because Luigi was planned to be in the game during the beta test days, but I just jumped into the picture frame, and I was sent to the level afterward.

Lethal Lava Land was the same as it normally should be, but some platforms were missing, and coins were gone.

I began looking for stars to collect in order to unlock a level or star room. I eventually arrived at the platform where Mr. I was supposed to be, but instead of Mr. I, the eyeball enemy, Luigi was standing there on the edge, not moving at all. I approached him to see if he was just Mr. I with a different model; this could have been a modded version of Super Mario 64, a personalized copy, or something else, and I accidentally pushed him into the lava.

I felt very bad for him.

His screams and cries for Mario were not distorted or recorded by a different person; they were made by Charles Martinet, the voice actor of Mario and Luigi, their usual voice actor. Maybe, judging by this being clearly recent, it sounded like the screams were A.I. generated.

After Luigi’s flesh melted and he drowned in the lava, a star flew out of the lava, and I collected it.

I was instantly sent to Peach’s castle, but for some reason, I was knocked out of the picture frame like Mario is when he fails a level. I noticed that the water was red, almost like blood, and Mario had a terrified expression on his face.

Right behind him, Luigi looked different—almost like a zombie; his clothes were darker, and his skeleton was visible. His clothes were torn as well. Every time I tried to find my way out, it was like the endless staircase you need to go up to defeat Bowser. But every door was locked, and the gruesome imagery of Luigi will stay in my mind when I try to sleep.

Trust me, I tried everything to get out of this situation. I tried doing the BLJ (Backwards long jump) to get out of this, and guess what? It didn't work.

The eerie part is that Luigi in the picture frame had 1080p graphics, and the game doesn’t really have higher graphics since the console is pretty old and it was beyond the system's technical limitations. While the main graphics worked, this was different. You've seen games like Super Smash Bros. and the others, and the quality didn't look like Luigi's picture frame. The picture of Luigi's disfigured body in the picture frame threw the original graphics out the window, and if I'm being honest, I really liked how this version worked. Unfortunately, I will probably not be able to try this version again, but luckily, I screenshotted everything in this game.

Anyway, this bloodied water rose, and Mario drowned in it while performing the drowning animation; there are no more lives since it took them all, and it returned me to the intro with Mario's head; the game went back to normal; I turned off the game as I'm not taking any risks anymore; I'm done.

Post #1 (Epilogue):

If you want to play this version of Super Mario 64, lucky for you, I copied the original game file and brought it over to the web. Good luck finding it. As for the game itself, I still have it since, after this situation, the copy is back to normal; there's no creepy moment where Luigi gets burned by Mario pushing him, and I'm able to play it normally again. How did I put the original game on the web? I dumped the ROM, and for goodness' sake, do not ask for a link.

For now, I'm protecting this blog, and if my brother ever finds this game, this blog will be given to him, as just like me, he loves Mario, and he knows more about this stuff than I do. Hopefully, he will do a better job than I did with this blog, my grammar, or anything like that.

Nothing's going to happen, and I will be fine. I will just enjoy my copies of Majora's Mask and Super Mario 64.

My wish is for my brother to record this experience and do a better job than I did.

I hope that I will stop having nightmares of Luigi getting his face burned off and his screams.

[lastchancevillagegreen]

Saturday, 14 May 2023:

The Notorious Byrd Brothers The Byrds (Columbia) released in 1968, this is roughly a 1986-1987 pressing

First things first: I’ve somehow decided that the Byrds fifth album, and their final album with David Crosby, might just be my favorite Byrds album (not that there are a great many contenders).  Back in the late 90s when I was listening to The Byrds’ reissues I was convinced they were all brilliant albums.  Today, I’m lucky if I think believe three of their albums are worth my time.  I think I like them more as a singles band than an album band, and I believe that Gene Clark was the King Byrd, not Roger McGuinn.  I agree with McGuinn’s assessment that he should have ended the Byrds long before he did.  I realize I’m on the outer fringe of Byrd Appreciation, but I do believe if you want Byrdsian harmonies, this is the album you should grab for over any others.  (I’m also fond of the fact that Crosby, never a favorite artist in any capacity, is represented in the fourth window on the album cover by a horse, even if it does give the equine a bad name.)  I like the country lilt of this album over Sweetheart of The Rodeo because it is more understated and I prefer the vocals on this album because there are no exaggerated “country” vocals here like there are on their more famous country album. 

I bought this sealed on eBay and the dealer wanted a small fortune for it.  I reminded him that while the album itself is a 1968 release, it is still a repressing that is 20 years older than the actual album itself and therefore not worth the dough he wanted.  What I didn’t tell him was the real reason I wanted this album: that back cover.  If you look on discogs they claim that the only version of this album with that back cover that is suddenly a negative image instead of a normal image like it is on every other pressing over the years, hails from 1987.  But if you look at the date on the price tag that is on the album cover (see a close up of that price tag below) the date stamped on that price tag reads July 1986.

Evidently discogs does not have every single existing copy of The Notorious Byrd Brothers listed or they have misrepresented a 1986 pressing as being a 1987 pressing.  Regardless, either 1986, 1987 or both years contain the back of the album with a negative image photograph but I can find no other pressings that have this weird change.  What prompted such a change?  Perhaps a mistake?  Perhaps someone simply remembered incorrectly how the image actually looked or who knows, maybe they just decided to change it thinking it better represented the music within (it doesn’t).  Anyone’s guess is welcome, but the truth shall win out one day!

Perhaps I still paid too much for this album, but I do enjoy buying sealed copies of albums because that means it is actually my copy, not someone else’s.  To have what I am calling my favorite Byrds albums with that alternate back cover that is unlike no other pressing, well, that satisfies me and the price becomes worth it.  And come on, it has that Nice Price sticker which was such a common find back in the day that I always appreciate seeing it slapped on one of my albums!  Another piece of information is that even when released in 1968, this album contained no inner sleeve and no credits other than what is on the back of the album.  It was a bare bones release. 

Below you will find the A and B side of the label.  Since this is an 80s pressing it is the label with the golden “Columbia” and Walking Eye all in a circle around the label, another truly classic label from Columbia.

 Lastly, in a photo pulled off discogs, you can see what the back of the album cover looks like on every pressing over the years save for this one I am highlighting!

[adultswim2021]

Perfect Hair Forever #2: “TiVo Your eBay” | November 28, 2005 – 12:30AM | S01E02

You know how sometimes you just remember some retard online saying something mildly stupid and it just sticks with you for the rest of your life? I have that for this episode, which is titled “TiVo Your eBay”, which obviously doesn't make any sense, so the stupid thing is this: a guy on my friend's message board reacting to that title, and sorta writing the episode off as being bad because of the title by saying something like “Recording Device Your Auction Website? Uhh... okay! (rolleyes)”

Again, it's endlessly weird to me how serialized this, 12 oz. Mouse, and a little bit Squidbillies is. It just seems like a bad idea to do; though to be honest I guess I'm not so sure what 12 oz. Mouse would be like if it weren't serialized. I guess it would just be weird crazy crap? Do you think that show would have any kind of fanbase or longevity if it were more like Aqua Teen Hunger Force? On the other hand, did that work out for this show?

The difference between this and 12 oz. Mouse is that the plot doesn't really matter the way it seems to in 12 oz. Mouse. 12 oz. Mouse's whole thing is THIS GOES DEEPER THAN YOU THINK. This does something different. This is insufferably anime-esque on purpose; the same way it takes Goku 40 episodes to fight a guy. 40 episodes that somehow take place in slower than real time. Like it has a plot you can follow, but you aren't really going to be rewarded for doing that, because it's mostly nonsense. Sorry! At any rate, this one ends exactly where the last one left off, following Gerald on his journey to find Tuna Mountain. We introduce a new guy, the king of all animals, who is kind of a stereotypical virtuous anime good guy. He gets to touch Brenda's butt. Again, I can not stress how disappointed I am that there doesn't seem to be ANY Brenda cosplay online whatsoever.

We also meet Rod, the anime god (though I think he briefly appeared/was teased in the first episode? And there's weird stuff with clowns. We see a bunch of them crucified in the forest, and there's a bit where a red moon encircles a white planet, and when it gets to a particular position it looks like a clown and a horn honks. WOULD COULD IT MEAN??? Could the clowning be REAL?

Anyway, this one was mildly amusing. I liked little bits here and there. The car crammed with animals is fun. The part where Uncle Grandfather tells the king of animals to fight Brenda “for a few minutes”. Little stuff like that you know? I also really like the opening sequence on this one featuring a song by Brendon Small. It's legit. Also the closing music on this one is great, too. I hope that's an original bit of music and not just a needledrop. Underrated aspect of this show is the music, which is often creative and funny and nice to listen to. Also word up to this show for beating Lucy, the Daughter of the Devil to the “we do different openings every episode, aren't we nice” punch. Fuck Lucy!

EPHEMERA CORNER:

The Animation Show (November 28, 2005 – 1:30AM)

I don't know if I've really made this point lately, but this era of Adult Swim pretty much lost me. I think I don't remember watching any of these shows, really. I think I may have been recording repeats of stuff I wanted to have better copies of, maybe, because my main memory of watching Adult Swim around this time is disparate little snippets of the very beginning or very end of episodes of new shows. A lot of the stuff I've been reviewing lately I caught up with later, or TiVo'd on an individual basis and let pile up and maybe didn't even really bother with at all. Really, the only thing that felt important to me was Tom Goes to the Mayor. Tim & Eric was the only thing anchoring me to the block in any significant sense.

So, The Animation Show sorta just passed me by. I don't think I even knew it aired until after the fact. I eventually got the DVDs from Netflix and made DVD-R copies of them, cuz a lot of it was stuff I'd seen and already liked or was roughly up my alley. Specifically what we got here was a couple of Don Hertzfeldt Shorts, a guy I used to not like because I watched Rejected somewhere and thought it was “rando” humor (I like him now!) and some Mike Judge shorts, a bunch of which I recognized from being used as extras on Beavis and Butt-head King Turd DVDs. It was stuff from the 2003 version of the show, but I don't think it's the entire thing. Honestly, I'm not that up on the Animation Show stuff despite owning a rip of it. I don't think I really watched through those DVDs. Sorry. This is a bad one. ANYWAY: They capped it off with a rare showing of “A Day in the Life of Ranger Smith”. Not really part of “The Animation Show” as far as I'm aware, but I think they thought it was on theme.

[pooktales]

Greymane’s Garters

I made up a fake history because ‘Greymane’s Garters’ is so fun to say and imagine. Enjoy!

The Order of the Grey Garter, more popularly known as "Greymane's Garters", has origins comingled in Human myth and legend. It is now considered somewhat ridiculous, as it instantly conjures a mental image of the noble King Greymane of Gilneas, him covered head to toe in white fur as he is in Worgen form, but for some reason wearing a pink-and-gray frilly woman's garter strapped to his leg.

Image: from ebay (only 1 left!)

This, I assure you, Greymane's Garters are not! They are hardly a male Worgen lingerie trend, but an order of noble knights and also so much more. Firstly, female Worgen find themselves members of this ancient order as well. Secondly, the garter is only a symbol--today it is often worn around the arm at ceremony or as a badge, a flat pink-and-gray belt coiled in a hoop and showing its buckle, that it was once considered part of suit of armor to help keep plate buckled over the legs. Only attend a Greymane's Garters initiation and see for yourself and you can be assured of this. The members proudly wear very little but their fur, to show they have at least embraced their Worgen side (this is a subject of contention even within this royal order, but they at least agree fur is alright). So the wearing of yes, admittedly, skimpy clothing to show off fur and the traditional garter around the leg is a thing. But if it is not buckled around the leg, then it goes proudly on the arm above the bicep, or on a cape--it may look strange indeed to the unschooled, but it is an honorable form of dress. Greymane’s Garters are not 'furries in SM gear' whatever the modern youth mean by that. A Greymane's Garter would maw you and strap you to a pole or a bedframe or some other handy torture device if they ever heard you calling their order a low-key furry headcanon, never that.

Military History

The order was first formed in the Second War. Under pressure to conform to the standards and military norms of the Alliance of Lordaeron, Gilnean leadership made a pledge that they would stay a distinct force as far as they could, focused solely on the political advantage of their own kingdom. As such, they felt a need to distinguish their military leaders on the battlefield with a brand that could not be overtaken by the blue and gold Alliance regalia. Their other goal was to remind their soldiers that their home kingdom, Gilneas, should always be the priority. Of course, this manifested itself in only a token support force sent to aid the Alliance at that time, all of them good-looking men in excellent polished plate, saying things like 'What ho!' and also 'Get gabbin' or get goin!' which were practiced phrases to deflect accountability. They made it subtly clear that they were only interested in doing those tasks for the Alliance that would further Gilnean interests. And they defiantly wore their pink, gray and white garters high up their thighs. The grey garter became an emblem of their stalwart resistance to Alliance assimilation. The effort was a great success from the Gilnean perspective. Not long after the first Greymane's Garters arrived in Lordaeron, the Alliance despaired at them, actually, and didn't prod the Gilnean King for any more his "help". And then the Greymane’s Garters went back home after the conflict and eventually the Gilnean wall went up too, which certain Alliance leaders were pretty relieved for, even if they couldn’t say it. The wall also had the effect of ‘keeping it over on their side’.

Mythical Origins

The more mythical origins of the Greymane’s Garters involve a magical Grey Lady who walked out of the Emerald Dream one evening in the forests of Gilneas, accompanied by gray feydragons. Everything she touched turned into a gray mist. A knight set out to slay her, believing she was a witch, but instead, she mesmerized him and inspired him to gather his fellow knights to return to her and perform a great task that would, she said 'Make little sense now, but will mean everything to saving your kin' in the far future. They Great Grey Knight then returned to the mists as the Grey Lady bade him, with three axemen, five lancers, and twenty-six cavalry men. And then, standing in a circle, she gave them all the garters of their order to wear, attaching them to their legs and buckling each to cinch proud and tight. And then she showed them a traditional dance. It was the gray dance of death that much empahsized squats and lunges with the legs, later used to train King Greymane's personal guard for ages, who one day kept him alive during the conflict with Sylvanas.

Competing accounts say the first Greymane’s Garters never learned a fighting technique, but they did serve her special gray ritual wine made from special silver grapes. And she made them grill her delicious capon and venison for supper. In exchange for that, what she taught the knights was how to create a 'Grey Garter', a special kind of powdered sugar dough dessert that is made in loops of pastry. This sparkling gray dough dessert was passed down in the Gilnean court and would still be cooked today if not for the disruption, again, of Sylvanas laying waste to Gilneas.

Modern Findings

Today, historians cannot find any real evidence connecting the myth of the Grey Lady to the military dance of Greymane's personal guard. (If it can even be considered a dance.) Nor can they say with confidence that a legend of that era really would be an elaborate way to convey a few cooking recipes involving gray food. Most recent research makes a more practical suggestion as to the actual events concerning the Grey Lady. That is, the knights soon discovered the Grey Lady was in fact a witch, or at least a very strange woman with the skill of a pressure salesman and a lot of mist handy where she happened to live in the forest. She clearly had a thing for knights wearing garters so halfway through their weird dinner-date, the men who weren't drunk and drugged off their feet got together and slayed her. They vowed, there and then, to come up with a better story for what happened and be 'reborn in blood'. From there on, the 'grey garter' story became a joke among the Gilnean nobility descended from these surviving knights, and when an opportunity eventually came up during the Second War to give the Alliance of Lordaeron the proverbial middle finger for making them provide aid against the Orcs, the Gilnean nobility reached back for the 'grey garters' story, layered some more meaning in it, and then made it a part official military dress. As an in-joke among the Gilnean crusty uppercrust. The rest, as they say, is history.

Motto

The motto "reborn from blood" has passed into common parlance of course, though many Gilneans may not even realize it. One often meets a Gilnean or a Worgen who, thinking of the turmoil their people have endured, make the remark that Gilneas will be reborn from the blood of their enemies. This derives from none other than the Greymane’s Garters.

Source: wish.com

The Ribbon

As you can see, the ribbon itself has changed over time. First, in the era of the Grey Lady myth, it was a very tribal-looking chevron in white, pink and gray colors. Later, it was a bold pink-and-gray plaid. Even later, due to lack of resources and the loss of the kingdom to Sylvanas' forces, it was mainly the sort of spider's silk, large swaths of pink ribbon were easier to come by in Darnassus where most Gilnean refugees settled.

The pink color of the Darnassian iteration (also referred to as the Gilnean diaspora, so show some respect) isn't "girly" as some consider it. First of all, pink is a color, it doesn't “belong” to anyone. Second of all, the whole thing was going to be abandoned when the order was re-formed after the fall of Gilneas recently, but many of the prouder Worgen members insisted it was also the color of roses, or raw meat or flesh, which connects back to that side of the Gilnean experience. Gray connects back with Greymane and white is the color of a new moon, of hope, of Greymane's own fur hide. So they keep all the colors, pink, gray and white, intermingled whether in the traditional plaid pattern or the primal, very bold chevron that can be easily seen strapped to a Gilnean's leg across the battlefield. Or, yes. In frilly Darnassian pink if that's what's available.

Notable Members of Greymane's Garters

King Archibald Greymane

King Genn Greymane (current sovereign)

Princess Tess Greymane

Queen Mia Greymane

Lord Darius Crowley

Lorna Crowley

Lord Vincent Godfrey (posthumously stripped of rank due to treason)

Speculation

It is rumored that King Anduin Wrynn has been offered a place in the Greymane’s Garters (with a special exception made for his devotion to Stormwind of course). However, Greymane is most likely still awaiting confirmation that Anduin will accept. Undoubtedly he will, of course! Anduin’s biggest reservation is said to be ‘Wait, aren’t those guys a furry group that wears underwear on the outside? This is for real?’ Though SI: 7 refuses to comment on whether the the young king actually said this. It may be that Genn is waiting for Anduin to mature some more before offering Greymane’s Garter again. Or, it may be that other rumors are true, that Anduin is prepared to make his own royal order of garter-wearing knights if he has to, to get out of wearing fancy underwear given to him by Greymane.

Because, of course, two garters on both of Anduin’s legs, ontop of his armor? One leg pink and the other blue? That would look completely ridiculous and anyone would obviously agree.

Unless you are a proud member of Greymane’s Garters that is!!

-fin-

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #396

“every time i leave, you say you won’t be there, & you’re always there”

So, is it gif with a hard G or soft G? I used to say "jif," but now I pronounce it as "gif." If you use libraries, what is the largest overdue fine you’ve ever had? *shrug* Do you ever borrow things other than books from the library? I remember back in the day, they used to offer educational computer games, and I bought a dinosaur one as a kid that I was madly obsessed with. Are there still any movie rental places left where you live? Just Redbox things outside of some stores. Do you ever buy secondhand books (or DVDs, video games, CDs)? Yeah; Ebay is my friend. Or do you prefer them to be brand new? I mean yeah, but it's not a massive deal to me so long the thing is operational or not falling apart. Do you ever write fanfic? Of what? Nah. Do you ever READ fanfic? Of what? Also nah. Do you have a favorite classical composer? No. Have you ever had multicolored/rainbow hair? No, but I would LOVE to. What kind of hats, if any, do you like to wear? I don't wear hats. What is your #1 deal-breaker with friendships? If you're manipulative, byyyyyeeeee~ Who is your favorite character on Bob’s Burgers and why? (If you watch it) I've seen some episodes, but I don't actually watch it. Have you ever had a retro celebrity crush? Like a crush on an “old” celebrity who was most famous a long time ago or is long dead? Audrey Hepburn, for one, is drop-dead GORGEOUS. When you buy/receive new clothes, do you instantly wear them or wash first? It depends on what I bought and where it's from. What’s the weirdest item you’ve seen for sale on Ebay? Idk. Are parents to blame for what their kids do on the Internet? No; kids make their own choices. I do, however, believe the parents should monitor what they do until they reach a certain degree of maturity, as well as the child's history with what they've done on the Internet. Do you use acronyms to remember things? Sometimes. Do you take pills like Tylenol for the littlest aches and pains? No. Only if I'm really in pain will I take Ibuprofen/Advil. Don’t you think Crocs are ugly? Big time. I don't know why they're in vogue now when they used to be so widely hated. When was the last time you went roller skating? Oh, it's been years. Who was your favorite Ninja Turtle? I was never into the franchise. Horror flicks make you: laugh, scream, or squirm? I prefer the ones that make you uneasy. I'm not a big fan of the nasty ones, and I want to feel on edge when I'm watching a horror film, but it's EXTREMELY rare I become legitimately scared. If you could become a doctor, what would you specialize in? Uhhhh. Maybe genetic disorders. What’s the cutest thing a little kid has ever said to/in front of you? I'm sure it was something my niece or nephew said, but I'm unsure of what. They've said many adorable things. Did any characters from TV shows scare you as a kid? Which one(s)? FUCKING KING RAMSES FROM COURAGE THE COWARDLY DOG. FUCK he gave me nightmares. What’s the saddest thing you’ve heard on the news recently? I was very saddened to hear about the giraffe that died giving birth. Do you believe that acupuncture works? I'm not educated enough on this subject. Have you ever been hypnotized? No, and I don't believe it's possible to be. What’s the first food you can smell when you enter the mall? The soft pretzels, omg. That little stand is my favorite part of our local mall. They make DELICIOUS pretzels. What is the worst hurt you’ve ever experienced? Jason leaving. Are huge muscles gross or sexy? Like serious body builders, it's gross to me. I prefer a natural musculature. Have you ever fished and caught something weird? I know I have, but what isn't coming to mind. Do you use an umbrella when it rains? Unless it is absolutely pouring, no. Do you like getting caught in the rain? No. What is the hardest part of cleaning for you? It requires physical exertion and I am INCREDIBLY weak with non-existent stamina. Do you have any fake flowers in your room? No. Do you own any succulents? No. What is your favorite thing about spring? The only thing I like about spring are all the flowers. What is something you find hard to draw? HANDS. UGH. Was it sunny for your senior prom pictures? Sigh. It was a beautiful sunset. I REALLY wish I didn't delete all those pictures from existence. Have you ever seen a double rainbow? I've seen like, a triple rainbow. What’s one thing you want to learn how to make? Your ordinary meals. I really want to be able to cook my own food from scratch. Do you have stomach issues? Maybe TMI, but it's been questioned but not fully examined that I may have IBS. My stomach is very sensitive. When was the last time you apologized and didn’t mean it? I'm not sure. Do you prefer to be the “talker” or the “listener” in a conversation? The listener. What’s a movie that you think everyone should see? Johnny Got His Gun. If you could have any hair color, what color would you want? Either pastel pink or light creamsicle orange. When was the last time you saw your “first love”? February of 2017. Who’s the smartest person you know personally? My best guy friend Girt. What makes them so smart? He's just very intelligent. Book-smart. Are there any bands/artists that get you all emotional? Ozzy. He and his music are so important to me. What’s your favourite aunt or uncle’s first name? Robert. Have you ever done a first aid course? No. What time do you generally wake up in the morning? It varies from like, 6:00-8:30ish. If you could have one superpower, what would it be? Definitely shapeshifting. I'd love to be a druid, man. Do you ever make surveys? If so, are they long or short? No, but I combine them because I don't like surveys that are too short by my standards. When is the next time you’ll change your hairstyle? Will you color it? Honestly, probably never. I love my current hairstyle, but I most certainly plan on dyeing it maaaany more times. As a child, what was your favorite game to play? I was hooked on the first three Spyro games. I would play 'em over and over. Do any of your siblings have significant others? Do you like them? My older sister is married, and I am NOT a fan of her husband. He's WAY too conservative and bigoted and racist and misogynistic, etc. etc. He's wonderful as a dad, like holy shit he loves his kids, but his beliefs are abhorrent. Dad's daughter is also married, and her husband is awesome. Mom's eldest daughter is also married, and her husband seems cool. My brother has a fiancee that I've never met. Do you believe in the concept of global warming? No fucking shit I do. It's impossible to logically deny, especially as the years go on. When was the last time you took a picture of something? Was it yourself? I took some pictures of this beautiful hydrangea bush outside the TMS office a few days ago. When drinking soda, do you prefer bottles or cans or poured in a glass? Cans, because it stays colder. Do you wear deodorant? Um, yes? If you had a pet pig, what would you name it? Probably something very unoriginal, like Wilbur. Do you like Led Zeppelin? I LOVE "Kashmir." "Stairway to Heaven" was madly important to me, but yeah... I can't listen to it anymore. Like seriously, I haven't in years. Do you like hugs? I do. Have you read the Constitution of the United States of America? Only the Bill of Rights for school. Do you have your own computer or use a family one? I have my own laptop. Do you take out the trash? Sometimes. Is there a calendar in the room you’re in? Outdated meerkat ones. What is your best friend’s name? Sara Jane. :') Have you ever seen a real-life cop chase? Maybe? What is your favorite shape? Circles. Are pigs adorable or dirty? They're precious! And pigs are actually a lot cleaner than people think, if they're not muddy. Anything moldy in your house? Not to my knowledge. Our old house had a serious mold problem, though, which is the primary reason we had to move. Especially with Mom having cancer at the time, she needed to be in the most sterile environment possible. Have you ever been in an earthquake? No. Do you enjoy history? No. Are you watching TV right now? No, but rather GameGrumps on YT. Could you ever be a mortician? True shit, it actually doesn't seem THAT bad. Can you solve a Rubik’s cube? Never seriously tried. How many pets do you have? Just two right now. Are you more close with your mom or dad? My mom. Who is the person that has impacted your life the most? Jason. Or Mom. Have you ever had a pet fish? Yeah. Poor things, they had terrible husbandry. I've learned a hell of a lot from a YouTuber/streamer that is like obsessed with fish about just how misinformed people are on how to take care of various fish. Your goldfish in that little bowl died for a reason, you know. Do you believe in ghosts? Yes. Do you prefer tea or coffee? Both suck. Have you ever vaped? No. How did your parents meet? They were co-workers. What was your first word? "Dada." Have you ever had a kinky dream about a celebrity? ... I mighta lmao. When was the last time you had Nutella? A long time ago. It reeeeaaaally needs to stay out of my house, because I will eat it straight out of the jar. Name someone with a sexy sounding voice. So I don't know where this was, but Mark was once credited in something as "if chocolate had a voice" and I was like YOU FUCKIN BET YOUR SWEET ASS.

[lovemesomesurveys]

Sleep with or without clothes on? I always sleep with clothes on.

Prefer black or blue pens? Black.

Dress up on Halloween? Nah, not anymore.

Like to travel? Yes. I wish I could more of it. And now with the pandemic who knows when I’ll be doing any traveling. 

Like someone? I don’t have any romantic feelings for anyone currently.

Are you dating the person you like? There’s no such person as I said.

Do they know? Uh, wouldn’t the person I was dating know I was dating them?

Who sleeps with you every night? No one.

Think you’re attractive? No.

Want to get married? No. It’s not something I see ever happening for me.

Are you a good student? I was. I’m done with school now.

Are you currently happy? No.

Have you ever cheated on someone? Been cheated on? Nope and nope.

Birthplace? Somewhere in California. 

Christmas or Halloween? Christmas.

Colored or black-and-white photo? Colored, but black and white photos are beautiful as well. I just like color.

Do long distance relationships work? They certainly can. People do it.

Do you believe in astrology? Nope.

Do you believe in love at first sight? Not at all.

Do you consider yourself the life of the party? Haha, no, definitely not.

Do you drink? Nah, I haven’t drank in 8 years now and have no desire to. Just wasn’t my thing.

Do you think dreams eventually come true? Not always of course, but some do.

Favorite fictional character? I watch a lot of shows and movies and read a lot of books, so I have many favorites.

Go to the movies or rent? I enjoy going to the movies. Some movies I like to experience in theaters for the first time, like the big ones that I’m excited about. Some movies I think look kinda good, but I can wait until they’re available to rent or stream. I miss going to the movies, though. It’s been almost a year now since the last time.

Have you ever moved? Yeah.

Have you ever stolen anything? When I was a kid I thought the candy in the big candy bins at the store were free, ha. Whoops.

How’s the weather right now? It was super windy today. 

Last time you cut your hair? Almost a year ago.

Last person you talked to on the phone? My mom.

Last time you showered? A couple days ago.

Loud or soft music? I like to have the volume at a reasonable level. I don’t need it blasting.

McDonalds or Burger King? I like some stuff from both.

Night or day? Night.

Number of pillows? I only use two, but I have like 11 on my bed lol. I like throw pillows.

Piano or guitar? Piano.

Future job? I don’t know. :/

Current job? I don’t have one.

Current longing? I want Wingstop.

Current disappointment? My mom and brother checked a few places and couldn’t find any of my Starbucks Doubleshot energy drinks, so that sucked. 

Current annoyance? My head hurts.

Last thing you ate? Some shortbread cookies. I was dipping them in Almond Breeze that has a hint of honey in it and the combo was delicious. 

Last thing you bought? Starbucks.

Most recent thing you are looking forward to? New episodes of my some of my shows I watch this week.

What are you hearing right now? I’m watching a vlog.

Plans for the weekend? Nothing out of the ordinary.

What did you do today? Slept until 5, had coffee, checked my social medias, watched TV, had dinner and watched The Servant with my mom and bro, and now here I am doing surveys and watching YouTube videos.

Pick a lyric, any lyric or song? Nah.

Pick a movie quote? Nah.

Do you believe that Walt Disney is really frozen? No.

Did you ever hear that myth? Yeah, I know about it.

When you get older, do you want children? I’m 31 and know that I don’t want children.

If not do you want cats instead? I want dogs instead.

Do you believe it's easy to forgive and forget? Not the forgetting part.

Do you ever wish your parents would disappear? No!

When you feel like running away from it all, who do you call? I don’t call anyone I just cry and do my normal go-to activities to try and distract myself and get through the day.

Do you speak any foreign languages? Not fluently, but I can speak a little Spanish.

Are you in high school? Nooo, I graduated over a decade ago. I’m old.

Elementary? Omg.

College? Nope, I graduated back in 2015.

How many stairs can you climb before you wanna pass out? Well, I can’t take the stairs at all since I’m in a wheelchair.

Have you ever kissed someone with braces? No.

Do you want to? That’s a weird thing to want to do lol. Like, you can not mind or not care if you did, but to be like, “I really want to kiss someone with braces” is weird.

What color is your shower curtain? Blue.

Do you own a wallet? Yeah.

Do you have any money in it? Nope.

Do you think you smell good? I smell my deodorant. 

Do other people agree? Hopefully no one thinks I smell bad.

Do you think painting toenails is stupid? No? I don’t paint my toenails, but I don’t think it’s stupid to do so.

Do you enjoy school? I enjoyed aspects of it.

Why or why not? I’m someone who easily gets overwhelmed, stressed, and burnt out, but I enjoyed learning about the stuff I was interested in and not all the projects were bad.

Have you had sex in the past week? No. Or ever.

Is it awkward when you run into your ex? That never happens. We don’t live in the same city for one, but also I don’t go anywhere, ha.

Are you afraid of falling in love? Yes. I fell in love twice and was rejected and hurt, so not the best experience. But I think I’m more afraid the older I get, too.

Was your last kiss drunk or sober? Sober.

Do you remember who you liked in Year Seven? My best friend at the time, Kyle.

Are there any relationships you wish could have lasted longer? Ty and I never dated, but I feel like something could have happened between us. I feel like it was heading in that direction and if we had more time together... who knows. But things got messed up.

Will you get kissed tonight? Nope.

Have you had to have stitches at all in the last year? No.

How old will you be on your next birthday? 32.

Which is coming next: Christmas or your birthday? My birthday.

Have you ever stayed up all night and then gone to work in the morning? Not work, but school.

Would you pierce your nipples for $100? Nooo.

Have you ever dated someone who had a child? No. That’s not something I want, but that’s also something I worry about the older I get because it’s not uncommon for people my age to have a child, probably more, so finding someone who doesn’t may be hard.

Are you taller than 5’6”? No, I’m like 5′4.

Would you ever consider adoption? I don’t want children, I think I’ve made that pretty clear now.

How do you feel about your life right now? I feel good at all about it.

What’s the last song you listened to? I don’t remember to be honest. I haven’t been listening to music lately.

Have you ever been a clown for Halloween? No.

Is your hair longer than your shoulders? Yeah, it’s past my butt.

What time did you go to bed last night? Not until after 9AM. :/

When did you get up this morning? It was evening time when I got up at 5PM.

When was the last time it rained? A few weeks ago.

Are your fingernails painted at the moment? Nope. I haven’t painted them in years.

Do you ever go hunting/fishing? No. I have no interest in either of those.

When was the last time you went camping? Never. Not something I have any interest in doing either.

Are you currently wearing anything orange? Nope.

Do you know anyone who is a nurse? Yeah.

Are you currently wearing any jewelry? Nope.

Was any of it given to you?

If so, by whom? What are you looking forward to tomorrow? There isn’t anything.

Do you know anyone who plays guitar? Not that I know of.

How many missed calls have you had today? One.

Have you told anyone you loved them today? No.

Are you wearing shoes at the moment? No.

Does it snow where you live? No, sadly.

Do you live within an hour of the ocean? More like 2 1/2 hours.

Do you ever do things even though you know you'll regret it later? Yes. And not do things that I know I’ll regret not doing.

What are you currently sitting/laying on? My chair.

Have you ever dated a friend of one of your siblings? No.

How old is your oldest living grandparent? I think he’s 87.

Do you remember who you were dating in July 2006? No one.

Are you still dating that person? Yes, I’m dating no one. ha.

Who was the last non-relative of the same sex you had a conversation with? My doctor.

Last non-relative of the opposite sex? The nurse at my last appointment.

Do you tend to fall for people who don’t return your feelings? Yep. :/ 

Where do you go to school, if anywhere? I’m done with school. I wouldn’t give you the name anyway.

Do you have a job? No.

Where did you get the shirt you’re wearing? Hot Topic.

Are you left-handed? Nope.

Do you wear contacts? No, I wear glasses.

Who are your godparents? I don’t have any.

What do you think of winter? I love the winter.

Did you have an imaginary friend as a child? No.

Which parent do you look most like? My mom.

Ever been to Alabama? No.

Do you use eBay to buy or sell? I’ve only ever bought stuff on eBay. 

Ever failed a test? Yes.

Do you have any friends who are famous? No.

Is your computer a laptop? It is.

Could you go the rest of your life without drinking alcohol? I’ve gone 8 years and have no desire as of now, so. 

What did you dress up as for Halloween? It’s been a few years since I’ve dressed up for Halloween. I’m over that part of it.

Your most recent ex breaks down and tells you they love you, what do you do? Ha, that wouldn’t happen. 

You and your last ex: who should hate whom? Neither of us should hate the other. Nothing happened to warrant those kind of feelings. 

When was the last time you stayed at a hotel? Almost a year ago during my Disneyland vacation.

Would your parents be okay with you dating someone of another race? Yes.

Is your self esteem high or low? My self-esteem is shit. When was the last time you showered? A couple days ago.

Is music a daily part of your life? No. Especially not lately. 

Yellow nail polish: yes or no? Sure.

Have you ever received a hickey from the last person you kissed? No.

What are you doing right now? This and watching a YouTube video.

What time did you wake up this morning? I didn’t get up until 5PM.

When was the last time you cried really hard? About a week ago.

Think of your last kiss, was it good? Yeah.

Have you held hands with somebody in the past three days? My doggo. (:

Have you ever held hands with the same sex? Yeah, my mom.

If the year consisted of only one season, which would you choose? Fall or winter.

What’s bothering you right now? My head hurts.

What were you doing at eleven last night? I was coloring and watching Sister, Sister. Lol, sounds like I traveled back to my childhood.

What was the last thing you drank? Water.

Are you wearing anything you borrowed from someone? No. All the clothes I wear are mine.

Have you ever kissed the last person you text messaged? No.

What side of a heart do you draw first? The left, I think.

Is there someone you will never forget? There’s a lot of people I’ll never forget.

Is there someone you don’t ever want to be out of your life? My loved ones, of course.

This time last year, were you single? Yep. I’ve been single for 8 years.

Do you listen to music when you’re down? I don’t turn to music anymore for that, I tend to turn to ASMR.

What is your mom saved as in your phone? “Mama Bear” with a bear and purple heart emojis. 

When’s your birthday? July 28th.

Can a relationship last without honesty? I don’t know what kind of relationship that would be. 

Do you curse in front of your parents? No. I’m a grown adult and still feel weird about it lol. And it’s not like my parents don’t cuss. My mom loves her f-bombs, ha. I’m just weird.

Are you short? Yes.

Did you have any unread text messages this morning when you woke up? No.

Which shoe do you put on first? I think my left. 

Do you wish things were better? That sure would be nice.

What are your plans for Friday? New episodes of a couple shows I watch come out, so I’ll have those to watch. Otherwise, just the same ol’, same ol.’

Saturday? Nothing out of the ordinary.

Anything going on this week? No.

Do you find it hard to trust others? For me, it’s opening up to people that is hard for me.

Are you a patient person? No.

Do you laugh a lot? I haven’t had a good, real laugh in so long. I chuckle and do the blow air out of nose laugh, ha.

Do you know anyone with the same birthday as you? Yeah.

What color shirt are you wearing? Black.

What color are your pants/shorts? I’m wearing blue leggings.

Plan on getting married? No.

Do you believe that love lasts forever? Not always, but it definitely can.

Do you believe everyone needs a second chance? Not everyone, but generally. I give out many chances.

Do you want your tongue pierced? No.

Do you always answer your phone? When it’s my parents or brother.

What woke you up this morning? I haven’t gone to bed, yet, but most likely it’ll be my alarm.

What were you doing at 8:00 this morning? It’s only 12:33AM, but I hope to be asleep at 8.

Do you say "sexy" a lot? I like never say that.

Ever made out in a pool? No.

Do you like to have long hair or short hair? Long. I just wish I had the energy and motivation to style it and take better care of it. My hair is so long and all I do is throw it up in a bun all the time.

Where do you keep your money? In my bank.

What was the weather like today? It’s currently 57f.

Do you want to cut your hair? Just a trim.

Do you like sushi? Blech, no.

Are you over the age of 25? Yes. I’m 31. I typed 32 at first, I’m already aging myself up ugh. I have a few months until then.

Do you have a nickname? Just Steph and Sis.

Do you change your phone background a lot? Not a lot, but every few months I’d say. I really get into during the holidays.

Would you get back with your last ex if you could? No.

Do you still talk to the person you had your first kiss with? Nope. It’s been like 10 years since we’ve talked or seen each other.

How long does it take you to get ready to go out? Ha, my outings only include going to the doctor now, but it doesn’t take me long at all. I put in minimal effort.

Have you ever been strip searched? No.

[hobotalesaus]

Episode 3: A Hesitating Pulse Is Good Company

I still remember the first time I came to Melbourne; I was about 18. Everything was foreign and weird and busy and sunny. ‘People are strange, when you're a stranger. Faces look ugly, when you're alone.’ I ended up in Collingwood, another planet to me back then. I found solace in a corner pub. The porch light was on and it was the closest thing to home as I could find. 

Living in the big smoke isn't for everyone, but certain people just fucking thrive. Jay is one of those people. Totally sober in the spot he lives, figuratively speaking. When I first met the bloke, he showed me through his place in his moccasins (yeah I remember mate) and pointed out different pieces of art, memorabilia, just stuff. The stuff that we fill our spaces with because we love looking at it and it's a puzzle of what makes us, ‘us’. This was the shit that he loves and you could see it straight away. Outside, there was this faint buzz of the city, with a heartbeat and tyre noise and the smell of god knows what. Maybe a police siren or some shit. It reminded me of a song, with the line "A hesitating pulse is good company". If I was to sum up Collingwood, especially in that house on that day, it would be with that line. "A hesitating pulse is good company". 

Firstly, Jay is a bloody good bloke. My old man would always tell me the best way to approach somebody is like this: If you think you're a good fella, I do too, until you prove me wrong. Something tells me that Jay hasn't proven anyone wrong. 

Knowing this about him, we approached Jay recently about doing a story and he was more than happy to go with it, which actually sort of posed a problem; he's got so many fucking things on the go, and is equally good at all of them, that we were hard pressed to make room for it all. But we'll give it a red hot crack anyway. 

Born in the early 90s, Jay spent most of his time as a young fella riding BMX like most of us did. Outside til dark, jumping kerbs, ruining your shoes by putting them in between the forks and the front tyre. Yeah we all did it. "How do you keep ruining your shoes so quickly??" the words rang out across the house and you knew you were about to get whooped. Street Sharks on the telly, poster of Matt Hoffman on the bedroom wall. How good was that? Then the natural transition (as if that isn't the best fucking pun I've ever heard) to skateboarding. "The first skate video I ever saw was a FLIP SORRY part. That got me so pumped up to go skate, the whole soundtrack and attitude was surreal! Skateboarding basically consumed my life from then all the way up til now," he says, and yeah, it fucking shows. "I tell you what, I had a few Margera decks growing up. But Geoff Rowley stood out for me, and still influences me for sure, even to this day."

There's always been this weird connection between skating and motorcycles; we're not talking your $40,000 BMW touring bike or your Hyabusa. We're talking about Triumphs, Harleys, chopped up Honda's. Making noise and pissing people off. Literally giving the finger to anyone who gives you that greasy look. "I got into motorcycles when I was about 21 or 22, after a trip to the US. All I'd ever wanted to do was go to the U.S and skate all the spots I'd seen in the videos. I had organized with a friend from Geroa (check a map) to head over; his old lady owned a condo in Oceanside, Cali. They were kind enough to invite me over to stay." 

“We're talking about Triumphs, Harleys, chopped up Honda's. Making noise and pissing people off. Literally giving the finger to anyone who gives you that greasy look”

"I took some photos of that chopper on this 35mm Minolta 201 I got for $30 on eBay.”

"So there we are at a skate park in California, and a mate of Ray's rolled up on this bad-ass cone Shovel chopper that he built himself. I didn't grow up around parents or a cool uncle who rode motorcycles, so when I was confronted with this dirty, leaky machine, I was fascinated. No foot pegs, looked like it hadn't been cleaned since the 80s. We were in the car on highway, watching him haul ass, weaving in and out of lanes, skateboard strapped to the sissy bar. That was it for me" he says, and you know that you had the same moment at some point in your life where you went "Yep, that's what I'm all about". He continues, "I took some photos of that chopper on this 35mm Minolta 201 I got for $30 on eBay. Turned out the mechanism to eject the film was broken so I lost it all. Still have the memories though. I came home to Australia and maybe a month later I went and bought a 2016 Sporty 48; because what the fuck do I know about building old motorcycles?" But who the fuck cares what it is right, as long as it's not a street bike. 

This leads us into another jack of all trades moment with Jay; photography. "Sometimes when I'm feeling frisky, I whip out the old Nikon D700. I take 6 photos or maybe 30, and sometimes 1 will come out good. I'm not a photographer, I just take photos sometimes.", which is pretty much enough to sum it up. "I'm stoked with a whole bunch of photos I've taken, and that's all that fuckin' matters." Too right bloke. 

"Sometimes when I'm feeling frisky, I whip out the old Nikon D700. I take 6 photos or maybe 30, and sometimes 1 will come out good. I'm not a photographer, I just take photos sometimes."

"Sometimes I paint, sometimes I get angsty sitting there for long periods of time trying to figure out colour blending and all the rest. I did the Knucklehead painting and that's pretty much where that ends." I was actually lucky enough to grab said Knucklehead painting, which takes pride of place in my lounge room. It's a wicked, dusty, rusty painting that tells you that the motor is as old as sin. Just how we like it. "I can't draw to save my life, but I spent what felt like 3 months working on it here and there." That led us to a pretty significant point in the story, with what I guess I'm trying to capture with these interviews. "Expressing yourself is a great way to be heard; you can tell a story through an action, a photo, a drawing..whatever. And without self expression, the world is a pretty boring place."  

“I was actually lucky enough to grab said Knucklehead painting, which takes pride of place in my lounge room”

So, as far as the nitty gritty, I think a lot of us have seen Jay's scoot by now. That 48 Sporty we mentioned earlier was written off "trying to pull a wheelie leaving work", which is a pretty standard outcome I reckon. So the white beast is a 72 Sporty, which was stripped down and and built back up by David at Primal Garage, with some work being done by Sean at Bar-None Moto. He cut the rear fender struts, and had some solid bar machined up to look like suspension, but it is actually hard-tailed. He also lifted the tank a little, modified the seat pan that Sean made, fit a new rear fender so it tucked nicely around the tire. He also freshened up the bike by re-painting the tins pearl white, with champagne stripes fading to silver. He also chucked the Leviathan cross on the tank at my request. He finished it all off with a set of bad ass up sweeps! Sean smashed out new bars, sissybar, license plate/ brake light bracket, and gave Dave a good start on the king/queen seat pan. Now I have a sweet ass looking bike that I’ve barely ridden this year. Covid has been a struggle", he says, and those of you in Victoria can attest to the fact that this year has been a total write off. Not being able to get out, hit some pubs, roll the swag out beside the bike and sleep in the dirt; that's our lockdown. "I’ve gone damn near everywhere on that bike, I love it to bits!" 

“He cut the rear fender struts, and had some solid bar machined up to look like suspension, but it is actually hard-tailed.”

There aren’t too many ways to describe riding a motorcycle to somebody who hasn't done it. And there's a difference again between riding in total comfort, heated grips, perfect riding position, had vitamins this morning, has a go-pro strapped to his head, has every supply under the sun in his bags, middle aged dentist on a touring bike. I'm talking about being stripped down of all fancy equipment, burning your legs, can't hear anything, welts on your face, hot, cold, numb fingers, sore arse, no fuel left, phone is dead, you're still 50kms from where you think the camp spot is but you know what? You could keep riding for another 1000kms because fuck me, this is what it's about. 

“..total comfort, heated grips, perfect riding position, had vitamins this morning, has a go-pro strapped to his head, has every supply under the sun in his bags, middle aged dentist on a touring bike.”

The smell of a campfire, the taste of a bug on your teeth, the spine shattering crack from a pothole on your hardtail, losing your house keys somewhere in the last 2 days riding, unpeeling yourself from the bike and finally being able to stretch your hips as the locals stare. "Passing out in the dirt, waking up in the rain. Skateboarding was my first love, but riding motorcycles is one big adventure, and the best one I've been on in years." says Jay, as I think we all for a moment realize that from now on, whenever anyone asks "Hey, lets skip town for a night on the bikes", you're going to say yes regardless, for fear of never being able to do it again. 

"Passing out in the dirt, waking up in the rain. Skateboarding was my first love, but riding motorcycles is one big adventure, and the best one I've been on in years."

If our readers are anything like us, and I think they are, living in the city is doable if there's an escape in between the chaos. "Pre-Covid, my girlfriend (Asti) and our dog (Luna) and I would head up into the mountains every other weekend. Find a cool spot to park and just walk around for awhile, explore. We could let Luna off lead and she loved it. I like shooting photos in the forest. Nature is the best". 

"Camping holds a special place in my heart. I love the smell of a campfire, endless banter between mates, NO RECEPTION. Not showering for awhile is also a guilty pleasure. We've all had our fair share of wet-wipe showers". I'll be honest, as long as there's water near by, that's good enough for me. Winter or not. Which reminds me, little tip for painting the town brown in the bush; dig two little holes for your heels, stick a log or the shovel in the ground, hang onto it and lean back. Opens up the bowels. (You'll thank me I reckon). 

’’We've all had our fair share of wet-wipe showers"

Everyone has a favorite camping story. I think as time has gone on, they don’t stand out as much as they used to, they're all great. Even when you ended up broken down in the rain, lost, hungry, hungover. Still better than a night in the city if you ask me. 

"My favorite camp spot was something not easily forgotten.  My girlfriend and I tripped out to Wilson’s Promontory one weekend. We paid to spend the night in the camp site which was basically a grass car park with no fires allowed and we decided that it just wouldn’t fly with us. We packed a couple of backpacks with the tent, sleeping mat, sleeping bags etc. We hiked a trail for an hour or so, scouting a suitable place to set up shop along the way. We eventually decided to veer off the trail, and head down through the shrub toward the ocean. We ended up finding the most insane spot! On top of a cliff, a nice flat piece of land on some moss covered rocks. Looking over the ocean. We were even graced with a sunset, right over the water, directly in front of us. Romantic as fuck, it was amazing. Golden hour blew us away. Not a single person in sight, but us. We got a little fire going and just marveled at what we found and where we were. That was the best camp spot for sure. If it were possible to accompany that with motorcycles, shit. I could have died right there and then."

‘’Even when you ended up broken down in the rain, lost, hungry, hungover. Still better than a night in the city if you ask me’’

“We packed a couple of backpacks with the tent, sleeping mat, sleeping bags etc. We hiked a trail for an hour or so, scouting a suitable place to set up shop along the way.”

I reckon that's a pretty good image to leave this story on. I think there's something special about people who can find solace in nothing, in no-one, just being content with what's happening at that moment in time. A sunset, setting off a car alarm with your pipes, burning away from a servo with a full tank of fuel. The big picture is made up of a million little pictures.

We always ask people what their life motto is; what they stand by. Jay gave us this. "Do more of what makes you happy. Whatever it is.”

Thanks bloke, it's been a time and a half. First beer is on me once the wall comes down.

"Do more of what makes you happy. Whatever it is."

All photos by Jay except for top photo by Sean (Bar-None Moto). 

[dippedanddripped]

Eric Emanuel lives and works in New York’s Garment District, not too far from the factory where he makes his eponymous label.

“I set my whole life up here,” he says. “I live here, my office is here, the factories are here, and I get to see the madness all day.”

The madness occurs every Friday, where Emanuel releases a small drop of products on his website, where they usually last about a few seconds before selling out, much to the chagrin of his hundreds of thousands of Instagram followers. His line consists of many sportswear staples that characterize other independent streetwear labels: hoodies, T-shirts, sweatpants, and even some thermals in the cooler months. But the one thing he’s absolutely nailed? It’s gotta be the shorts.

Indeed, whether it’s solid colors or out-there prints that range from florals, paisleys, or an insane print of the New York City skyline, Emanuel has become synonymous with some of the best above-the-knee knickers on the market. And unlike the other New York Knickerbockers, Emanuel’s shorts have been big winners for his brand. In the past couple of years, he’s gone from hometown hero to global collab king, working with beverage companies like Mountain Dew, sneaker companies like adidas and Reebok,  and now the Philadelphia 76ers basketball team on an array of covetable gear.

Emanuel’s personal uniform usually consists of a pair of his popular mesh shorts, a vintage tee, and a Yankees fitted. As a flex he’ll finish off the fit with a pair of his collaborative Reebok Club C sneakers, one of many models he’s done with the Boston-based sportswear label. But he’s also open to stepping up his game by switching it up with a pair of Gucci loafers, a clear co-sign of a trend that’s been spotted on Instagram. Then again, as Emanuel points out, part of the fun about his flagship product is it really isn’t that serious.

“I think that’s why the shorts have been such a success, because it’s not binary in the sense that you have to wear them in a certain way,” he says. “Wear it however you want, it’s a pair of mesh shorts.”

The king of shorts took a break from running his kingdom to talk about his rise to success, how he found his lane, and other project he has in the works. Ironically, it’s kind of a long story.

Where are you from Eric?

I’m from Syracuse originally, and then I moved here eight or nine years ago to go to FIT for marketing. Towards the end of my senior year I started making jerseys, and ended up running with that.

When did you start your label?

When I was getting out of school I didn’t want to go work somewhere, so I sort of just maneuvered — I was paying to make product off my credit card, I’d then move that balance to another card just waiting for that moment when a product would sell and I could pay the bill. Betting on myself, knowing some day it would work.

When does your shorts story begin?

The shorts would have been three years ago I think. I started with a heavier short — like a very traditional basketball short from Mitchell & Ness. But theirs wasn’t really what I wanted to wear. I didn’t like the big waistband; I didn’t like the weight. So I switched to something that’s practically my lacrosse short from high school — a very basic single layer short. That’s where I found success, but even so I would say it took until the end of last summer for it to really catch fire.

It seems when you do a drop every Friday it sells out instantly. Is that exhilarating or frustrating?

It’s frustrating. You would think that you’d be so excited to sell your product out in a day, that it should be this harmonious moment. Unfortunately, you have to deal with everyone who’s upset they didn’t get it. So I’m trying to find a balance of fulfilling the demand and going a little beyond it.

I had no idea this sort of “cozy revolution” would’ve taken over. Everything I’ve released over the past two months was made in the winter. The quantities were super low and it sold out way too fast. Then we had to stop making shorts for about two months and wait for New York to become a bit safer. It’s been a whirlwind.

How else has Covid-19 affected your business?

I pulled everything forward because I didn’t know where the economy was going. I didn’t know what was going to happen. And it sort of backfired in the sense that I ran out of product, and it wasn’t safe to continue making more until a month ago. That’s when we really hit the ground running. Everyone’s hungry to work, but it was very difficult to figure out how to do it in a safe manner. Now, whatever is made this week is being sold next week. And I’m very lucky that since I make the product in New York so I can sort of schedule it that way. In an ideal world, we would be six weeks ahead.

It’s pretty ballsy to call your product “The Best Shorts in the World,” but there it is printed on the packaging. What separates your shorts from others on the market?

I focused on a product that not necessarily everyone cared about. People would run shorts here and there, but it was never their core item. Instead of starting with a T-Shirt, I went into a market where there was less competition figured out how to own that. Why is it the best short? I think it’s because it’s essentially your favorite short, but a bit elevated. It falls little bit above the knee, you can size up if you want it to be baggier, and it just wears well.

There’s something for everyone. I personally like solid colors, but a lot of people love the patterns. The patterns tend to be motifs that I relate to at the time — sort of where my head’s at. I have an infatuation with rugs, so we ran with it. Luckily others seem to love rugs as well, because they’re probably the top pattern this season.

Speaking of balls, is there a recommended shorts-and-undies combo for maximum breathability?

Uniqlo Airism boxer briefs! I have such an appreciation Uniqlo basics. I’m there like once or twice a week.

At $98 a pop, that’s a good chunk of change, but it’s also not egregious. How do you justify that price?

I think $98 is a price most people are comfortable with given that they’re made in New York. If I had to wholesale these shorts, the retail should be at least $150 or $160. The fact that I do direct-to-consumer allows me to keep it at $98. At the end of the day, it’s not necessarily a “luxury product,” it’s a made-in-the-USA basketball short. It’s important to note that it’s made in New York and all the components are sourced from the United States. I get comments all the time of people saying: “Oh, he’s selling a pair of $10 shorts with a logo on it.” That’s not even close.

It’s expensive to make things here, but the craftsmanship speaks for itself. To speak on the process a bit: The mesh arrives; it’s sent to a cutting room; after that they’re sent to be sewn; a truck grabs them and takes them to be screen printed; another truck grabs them to where they’re steamed/pressed and packaged; and finally they’re shipped.

How does it feel to see people reselling your shorts?

I don’t think there’s a right answer for that. It’s a good feeling to know that your product’s in demand, but I’m also like: “Gee, I wish it went to the people that actually want it.” It’s frustrating when I see it on Grailed or eBay. People have commented that they wish I would do a pre-order so I can meet the demand, but I’m an instant gratification shopper — I want what I bought ASAP!

Beyond shorts, you’ve also done collaborations with New Era on caps, and kicks with both adidas and Reebok, how would you describe the EE signature touch to these products?

The partners I work with are all brands I grew up with. For the most part, I want all of the product I touch to remain as classic as it should. I may throw in my favorite “EE Pink” — PANTONE213C – the color blocking of the original product remains intact.

You’ve also got this 76ers collab coming up, right after another iteration of Iverson’s sneakers. Is it weird to be making basketball shorts when there hasn’t been a season until recently?

I always go back to one thing: Allen Iverson was always number one on my mood board. The recent collaborations are truly a dream come true. The lack of games hasn’t affected my desire for shorts — I love shorts with or without basketball, and whether it’s summer or winter. It’s exciting to see things kicking off this weekend though!

What other collaborations are you cooking up?

The Reebok Club C-EE is up next! My favorite shoe to date: an easy, everyday wear. It’s the first shoe I’ve done that my Mom and Dad can wear often, [laughs] that makes me so happy.

In the past you’ve experimented with fabrics like mohair, leather, and bouclé, both on shorts and sweatpants, is there a dream material you haven’t worked with yet?

I really love cashmere. Cashmere shorts would be amazing, but that seems like a pretty standard answer — so maybe GORE-TEX? That, and and more waxed canvas.