#early shield days
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ignite your bones
After the fall of General Dreykov, and the remnants of the Red Room still at large, Natasha first year at SHIELD is anything but healing. Labeled a traitor and a turncoat, Natasha tries to find her footing in a strange new world.
Whumptober 2024: Day 1 - Panic Attack
Warnings: panic attack, red room badness (punishments)
Word Count: 2k (gif not mine)
Summary: mandated therapy is never fun for anyone.
A/N: it feels like I’ve blinked and it’s October. This is the fourth year of participating in whumptober, and it always seems like such a mess until it’s done. To everyone who encourages, likes and reblogs, from the bottom of my heart, thank you, your words inspire these words and help to bring fic to life. @broken--bow I know we talk about it but thanks for the screaming void, and the cat pictures and everything really, and for making sure there’s no ridiculous errors. <3<3<3
Masterlist
Whumptober Masterlist
.
The Shield psychiatrist offices are nondescript.
The receptionist looks over her glasses to Natasha, then across to Clint and Maria, and hands her a form on a clipboard to fill out.
Annoyed, Natasha purses her lips and holds up handcuffed hands and feels the satisfaction of the shocked look on her face.
The woman passes it to Clint’s open hands and points to the row of chairs.
Maria sits first, Natasha grudgingly sitting next to her and Clint following, staring at the form.
“Tough questions,” he jokes.
“Name? Natasha.”
“Date of birth?”
He peers over the form to Natasha who looks back at him.
“Unknown?”
Maria looks up.
“December 3rd,” she answers.
Natasha can’t help the sharp look to her left, shocked at the accuracy of the information that she thought no one knew.
Maria smirks.
Natasha looks down, her heart beating faster.
Clint continues obliviously.
“What problems are you currently seeking help for?”
He taps the clipboard.
“I might just leave that blank.”
He goes on.
“Treatment goals?”
“Stability?” Maria jokes.
Clint gives her a look. She looks chastised and shrugs in indifference.
Natasha lets it wash over her.
She doesn’t want to be here.
The mandated therapy was a threat, not a choice.
She doesn’t know how Maria knows her birthday, how she got that information.
There’s no one alive that should know it.
There’s a heat that crawls up her neck. The handcuffs feel too tight on her wrists.
“Hmm they have a suicide risk assessment. Maybe you can go over that with the psychiatrist.”
Clint looks over the rest of the form and hands it to Maria.
“Did you have to do this when you came here?”
Natasha stares at her feet, but the silence from Maria at Clint’s jab gives her a source of pleasure at the discomfort and the present that he’s inadvertently given.
Maria stands and gives the form to the receptionist, and Clint winks at Natasha when her back is turned. She realizes then, the comment was intentional. A dig back to the ones Maria had given.
“I’m going to see Director Thompson, are you okay here?”
Clint sits. “I’m here because I want to be,” he declares.
Maria says goodbye and leaves without looking at Natasha.
The radio next to the receptionist hums quietly but feels like static to Natasha.
How does she know?
What else do they know?
It shouldn’t take something so inconsequential to unhinge her, but it has.
“She’s not usually that mean,” Clint tells her.
“She just doesn’t quite trust you yet.”
Natasha knows that, but she’s also unsure if she wants Maria’s trust.
She doesn’t trust her either. Her position is too vulnerable to have enemies and it’s clear she has many.
Locked in a box, only let out for debrief and now apparently psychiatry sessions, she doesn’t like this brand of freedom that Shield has offered.
Clint says it’s just the beginning.
In his ramblings, he says a lot without saying anything.
The door opens.
Her name is called.
Natasha stands diligently, alongside Clint, and hates herself at the fear and apprehension that pools in her gut.
What does the woman know, if Maria knows her birthday?
Do they know about Vladivostok? Her fear of medical?
Do they know about Antonia? Dreykov?
And then a more unsettling thought.
Do they know about Ohio and Yelena?
Clint nudges her forward.
“I’ll be here when you come out,” he promises.
“No debrief today, just this.”
It’s a kindness.
One she likely doesn't deserve.
She looks to the woman standing in the door.
“Hello,” she greets, “I’m Olivia.”
The woman steps to the side and allows Natasha entry.
She takes one last look at Clint, and steps through the door.
.
Olivia sits at a large green two seater couch, and gestures to the one across from her.
A matching set. Natasha is sure that they were picked deliberately for the colour and the spaces it provided.
Whilst they have space for others to sit, it’s clear that they’re meant for only one person.
Natasha imagines, if she was anyone else, that she could take her shoes off and curl her feet underneath her, tucking her body up and feeling safe in position.
Instead, she sits facing the woman, on the edge of the sofa, her cuffed hands neutral on her lap.
“Do you mind if we take them off?” Olivia asks, gesturing.
Natasha doesn’t answer.
The silence isn’t personal, she just doesn’t have words to talk.
Olivia approaches slowly.
“If you want to kill me, I’m sure these won’t stop you. But in case the thought does cross your mind, I’ve not always been a psychiatrist.”
Natasha looks at the woman; really looks at her.
She seems to be about in her 40s, hair pulled back, not unkind, but knowing eyes that bore into Natasha’s when she looks up.
She doesn’t like it.
Doesn’t like how the woman reminds her of the Red Room instructors, the older women who had gone through the program at least twice and ruled the younger girls with manipulation over fear.
Natasha blinks.
She’s not there and this is not the same, she tells herself.
“My name is Olivia,” the woman starts, and then, almost in a way that feels unnerving, she switches to Russian.
“I can speak in either language, depending on what you prefer.”
It’s a question that Natasha prefers not to answer.
She speaks many languages; she’s not adverse to English, but since she’s been here, she feels adverse to words.
A moment passes.
When it’s clear Natasha isn’t going to answer, Olivia continues on.
“We have mandated sessions. They’re ongoing so I feel we are going to see a lot of each other.”
She glances at the form that Clint had started, and failed to finish.
“You prefer Natasha?”
It should be an easy, uncomplicated question.
“If you prefer another name, you can let reception know, but perhaps until you indicate otherwise I’ll continue to call you by the name you request, okay?”
Again the question goes unanswered; and again, the woman continues on.
“You’re here because you agreed to be, defected from the country of your birth, and whilst double agent was offered to you, you decided against it, I think we’d like to know why.”
The statement raises Natasha’s heart rate.
A vision of a widow left hung with the words traitor on her chest hits hard in her memory.
It’s not worth it, she wants to say.
All in or all out, there is no in between when it comes to Russia.
There’s no telling what they would do if they found defectors amongst them.
She feels the electricity of a Red Room debrief on her skin.
Words and secrets wrenched from her lips.
She wants to give a witty comeback; instead, the words get lost in her throat, so unsettled by the last half an hour.
How did Maria know her birthday?
Such a simple thing should not unravel her.
But it does.
The one advantage she had was that she was an enigma. That they didn't know anything about her, except what she had told Clint.
What if that was wrong?
The woman says something.
It doesn’t even register beyond words being spoken.
But it must be important.
The words feel heavy, and the woman repeats them.
“What is it you want, Natasha?”
Want?
‘What is it you want?’
The words play in repeat in her head.
When has she ever wanted anything?
What is it she wants?
That what she wants is something that she’d never get.
Natasha feels her heart rate quicken.
Want?
Her body hot.
How do they know?
Her heart. There’s something wrong with her heart.
Hands clench and she struggles for breath.
This isn’t supposed to happen to her.
Had they drugged her?
The food? Maybe the water.
Would Clint?
Maria.
She would.
She tries to breathe.
The woman.
The woman moves toward her and Natasha looks into her eyes.
They’re kinder.
Her vision blurs. The tidal wave of panic overcomes her.
What if?
What if she’s dying?
Not here.
Let her die alone.
There’s a hand in hers, fleeting.
It’s cold.
It gives Natasha something to focus on.
It’s so cold. Both hands now.
If she could focus, she could eliminate the threat. The woman?
She blinks to clear her vision, shaking her head as her heart rabbits in her chest.
She’s dying.
She forces breath into her lungs, focusing on the coldness in her hands.
It feels like a lifeline.
Time loses meaning, and Natasha doesn’t know how long it takes her to get herself under control again.
Embarrassment burns on her cheeks as the world rights itself.
Terror from the moments before flood adrenaline into her body.
The woman is still in her chair, looking down at her notebook. She looks up and meets Natasha’s eyes.
There’s an ice pack in Natasha’s clenched fists, still doing its job in providing calm and grounding.
Natasha is not stupid.
In the moment she thought she was dying.
Now, she knows it was a panic attack.
She doesn’t think she’s had one since she was eight.
“You’re safe,” the woman tells her.
It’s the first words that register, and whilst she doesn’t believe it, it’s a nice sentiment.
Nothing has happened yet but it doesn’t mean that it won’t.
She can’t imagine what’s going to happen next.
In the Red Room, she was whipped. Madam’s switch across her back twenty times, as she was made to count them.
Here? She doesn’t think it would be the same, but to lose it in public?
In front of the psychiatrist, no less.
She feels like she needs to do damage control.
Lessen the punishment.
She feels like she’s losing it, she gets told her birth day and the woman asks her what she wants and she falls apart.
Taking another breath and handing the ice pack back to the woman, she looks around her and forces herself to calm down.
“Thank you,” she says, her voice soft and croaky, the only words that she’s spoken to another outside of debrief.
The psychiatrist nods.
Natasha bites her lip.
The woman doesn’t ask any questions. She motions to the water and the glass on the table, pours one for herself and then offers another to Natasha.
She sips it, and Natasha nods, thankful.
Her mouth is dry and she can’t remember when she drank something last.
Putting down the glass, Natasha wonders what’s going to happen next.
It takes a moment before the next question comes, but it’s not the words she thinks.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
The offer is kind.
She feels suspicious and angry and embarrassed and looks to the door to leave.
The glass prison she lives in is not safe by any means, but it’s familiar and not this place of questions and interrogation.
Her defenses are low; the lack of sleep and food are taking their toll. It’s clear now, that to be better, she needs to take more care.
She’s smart enough to know better.
She’s better than this.
She was trained better than this.
The anger builds again at the display of weakness and Natasha swallows hard.
“We still have ten minutes. I’m going to tell you a few things, but the rest of the time, we can just sit here. You don’t need to say anything unless you want to.”
The words start slowly.
It’s a plan.
A lifeline.
And Natasha breathes again.
.
<3
#whumptober2024#day 1#panic attack#natasha romanoff fic#black widow fic#natasha romanoff#clintasha#black widow#my fic#clint barton#hawkeye#clintasha fanfiction#clintasha fanfic#Maria Hill#marvel fic#early shield days
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Am I the only one who sees a young Clint here? 🤣
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But she had to do it, she had to do it
#natasha romanoff#god I loved that scene#the accent!!#black widow#I neeed more early shield days nat#soapdraws#Natasha Romanov#digital art#mcu fanart#mcu#mother mother#time to explode a kid ig#😭
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What are some of your early SHIELD days headcanons?
Ohhhh! I looooove early SHIELD days headcanons, so thank you for asking!!
Natasha’s defection was definitely the talk of the town! She caused a huge ruckus when she did, from whispered chatter around the water coolers to speculations on the training field her name was inside everyone’s mouth. She reveled in it though. One doesn’t carry the moniker of Black Widow (a whispered legend in its own right in the intelligence field) without a bit of pride. Natasha was smart too, she used the reputation that came from Black Widow to keep most everyone at bay and at a distance. Once she was cleared of the possibility of being a dangle and allowed to roam relatively free she stalked the corridors of SHIELD with an air of awe, shock and fear. Some Agents avoided her completely, the smart ones coward but the dumb ones…the really dumb ones jeered.
That’s when Clint stepped in. His name was also inside everyone’s mouth, alongside Natasha’s on the account of the whole bringing her in thing. For a good four months everyone really thought he was dead because he wasn’t on base and no one knew where he was. So when he landed himself in medical after a fistfight with a fellow agent his first day back it really shocked everyone. Needless to say the speculation of just how Clint got Nat to defect has been a long standing guessing game. Sometimes even Clint and Nat join in, feeding the erroneous rumors by letting something “slip” about that day because they think it’s funny. Only Nat, Clint and Phil know the truth. Fury knows the basics but that is it.
SHIELDs cafeteria is a fucking shit show, some days the food tastes like an outhouse shitter and other days it’s a five star meal. No one really gets why. So, most just avoid it. There’s a running email exchange between Phil, Clint, Nat and the head of nutrition stretching back years. (Seriously, google the CIA and their Cafeteria food, some very hilarious email exchanges got released a while back!)
A fandom favorite of course is that everyone at SHIElD definitely thinks they are fucking, have fucked or that it’s just a matter of time before they do. And I do think that was the case, but after Phil chewed out an Agent in the middle of a crowded lunch room (Italian was catered) no one has been dumb enough to get caught saying it. If it’s out fear of Phil or Nat or a very elaborate blackmail ring run by Clint no one knows and they sure as hell aren’t gonna speculate while on campus.
(There is a bar in the middle of queens though where a janitor will tell you about the time he walked in on Clint and Nat having a quickie in Fury’s office. For a price of course!)
Just some thoughts I have PLENTY more but figured this was getting a bit long 😅
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u ever think abt ur ocs in a fighting game au,,
#el.txt#yknow like tekken or whatever?#i played lots of tekken 3 on the old family ps when i was a kid... a loyal xiaoyu main...#in my early teens when me n my bestie were into naruto she got naruto shippuden ultimate ninja storm 2?? i think#we played it on her family ps. tenten temari and deidara became forbidden characters bc we were both shit at evading their ranged attacks#later in my teens there was a guy in my friend group who had injustice gods among us and we played it on his ps. good times#so anyway u ever ponder.. if ur ocs were in a fighting game what would their movesets and their ultimate moves be like...#who would be the fast glass cannon and who would be the slow bruiser... et cetera...#what would their different skins look like. how would they pose in the fight start screen??? their taunts and victory lines????#liah would be the fast and devastating melee attacker. the final boss perhaps#you think you're safe if you pick a ranged fighter and stay away from the lightsaber#but then she does a force pull out of nowhere n ur like fffffuuuuuuck i hate her#heidrun has both ranged and melee attacks and also healing capabilities... a favorite of the more casual players#its not documented anywhere but if you press the correct buttons in the correct sequence you can trigger her secret second ult#where she turns into her wolf form and eats her opponent !!#isabeau would be a less straightforward fighter who relies on trickery and gadgets... difficult to master...#but if you learned to use her effectively you would gain the fear and respect of your fellow players...#sura is another difficult to master squishy ranged fighter but she has lots of fun eerie psychic moves to confuse & confound her opponent#i dont think vivinna should be included as a separate character bc she's not much of a fighter#but True sura mains know she has a secret bard sidekick she can summon for like a small speed/damage/hp boost. it varies#nessie is slow but also a tank. and the only one who brought a shield#khaless is another hated opponent bc she can fly and teleport and ppl using her will spam those moves and you'll never hit her#man idk. i really like thinking abt my ocs' fighting styles lol#tune in next week when i put them in another favorite au of mine!! the pokemon trainer au#also i gotta learn to animate one day i would love to make short animations of my characters' fighting moves....
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On another note, I've been sick all week, and I can feel an ear infection coming on, and I really need it to not!
#anyway i'm voting early as soon as i get better because i'm now super paranoid about being sick on election day lmao#just gotta fix the weather shield on my car first#so i can like. drive to early voting#wooooo#talking tag
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finally my sweet daughter jason derulo is here
#saving her for the scarvio dlc :)#ignore the timer on the poketch screenshot i accidentally ended the hunt too early and had to redo it#this took ~five days of on and off egg hatching#pokemon shield#duraludon#pokemon#pokemon swsh#masuda method#shiny hunting
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watching Nishitani's death scene always leaves me devastated. like noooo king you can't die you haven't gotten your rocks off in a decent fight yet
#jokes aside the first time i saw that scene I wasn't ready for it. he's such an earnest guy who embodies this wild persona fully ->#and when the audience may believe he'll go wild again or pull some shit to save himself what does he do?#he tries to run for his uncle and shields Majima from the bullets.#he didn't have to give up his life but he saw something in Majima that he wanted to protect. a reflection maybe.#that line he says about “why couldn't we have met earlier” and chiding himself for being sentimental... goddd i need more of him#it makes me wonder specifically what he would think of the Mad Dog persona.#would he be proud that Majima took after him? glad to have someone that understands?#or perhaps downtrodden that Majima could follow his direct footsteps into an early grave himself?#i mean we've seen Majima throw himself into situations where he could die any minute. its not wrong to say its a miracle he's gonna see 60#but is that also something he learned from Nishitani? that he can sacrifice himself if it means the ones he loves will thrive?#ughhhh mr nishitani i miss your silly ass... literally altered Majima's brain chemistry that day in the jail cell....#also not to be too theorist or anything but like. i wonder if anyone tried to get Nishitani help or if they let him die.#bc his men were in the (unlocked) cell with him; one of them could have run for help or a medic even if it was too late#but would he want that? or would he have wanted to be left in peace with his only family member- dead by association with him?#grrrr i need more info on him..... but at the same time i love that they left him fairly vague...#we get just the hint of his attitude being a persona and thats it.... GOD i need to rip something up im consumed with blorbo thoughts#nishitani homare#bulletin board
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"That's it. He's not listening. I'm going to have to do something drastic." I hit kirby over the head with my shield. "I hope this will knock some sense into you buddy."- 🛡 anon.
Upon being hit in the head, Kirby lost the Poison ability and stumbled forward a bit, stunned and dizzy. Meanwhile, the shadow behind him...
...Yeah, it was Ester. He seemed to be able to control Kirby physically to an extent, yet his hold over the puffball was easily broken with enough force, making him lose his concentration, and therefore his control as well. This caused him to pop up from the shadows, experiencing the same pain as Kirby.
[...Well, you've managed to momentarily stun both Ester and Kirby.]
#Event: Chapter 2 - Seeping Through the Cracks#story#ask#anonymous#shield anon#lollipop anon#didn't draw you guys but oh well#was kinda busy today so far#needa take antibiotics for 10 days starting tonight for. reasons. small infected thing i'm not sick it's just annoying#i swear the doctor's office visit was over 2 hours. most of it was waiting. only was actually with a doc for 10 minutes#drove me nuts!! still driving me nuts!! have to check back in w/ them after 2-3 days!! early in the morning!!!#and i had to shower and eat and chill for a bit when i got home and then this took a bit to draw#not in the best mood because of today's bs so you just get this sorry. should get better within a few days hopefully#anyway no one cares & i'm wasting tag room#kirby#kirby star allies#kirby au#kirby fanart#kirby series#kirby oc#negative kirby#ester#ask blog#ask-the-retired-cultist#retiredcultistredux#retired cultist redux
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ignite your bones
After the fall of General Dreykov, and the remnants of the Red Room still at large, Natasha first year at SHIELD is anything but healing. Labeled a traitor and a turncoat, Natasha tries to find her footing in a strange new world.
Whumptober 2024: Day 2 - Trust Issues
Warnings: food hoarding
Word Count: 1.5k (gif not mine)
Summary: Maria and Clint talk about Natasha. Clint realizes that bringing in a black widow may not be as easy as he thinks.
Masterlist
Whumptober Masterlist
.
Clint yawns.
Maria throws a book at him and groans.
“I’m so bored,” he complains. “How do you do this?”
“That’s what you get, for bringing a stray home,” she rolls her eyes and throws her pen at him.
“They can’t keep me grounded forever right?”
Maria shrugs, “Ask Coulson.”
Clint throws them back at her and glances at the clock.
“I should probably go,” he sighs.
“Pick up time?”
He bows, “I am the chauffeur, am I not?”
“She’s not eating,” Maria tells him as Clint starts to walk away.
“What?”
He turns and eyes her closely.
“She doesn’t eat the food, haven’t you noticed? Not unless it’s packaged or clear liquid.”
She pauses.
“I don’t know what she does eat, have you been giving her food?”
Clint shakes his head.
“Only the occasional granola bar when I’ve eaten one?”
He pauses. “How do you know?”
Maria pauses.
“She’s been here two weeks, what has she been eating?”
“How do you know?”
Looking around, Maria opens the surveillance program on her computer, and rewinds to breakfast.
“Don’t tell Coulson I’m showing you this,” she growls.
Clint looks forward with interest, feeling voyeuristic at watching her.
He knew they’d be surveilling her, but had underestimated just how closely.
It seems stupid in hindsight.
The breakfast is delivered.
The blue tray pushed through a small opening on the floor, and Clint feels angry at how just like prison this must feel for her.
Natasha approaches it, and squats to look at the food.
She inspects the apple, and places it on the bed away from the other food. The scrambled eggs, she touches as though she’s looking for something; pressing them down; then looks at the juice box and places it next to the apple.
The tray gets pushed back, the rest of the cooked food untouched, and, after a moment, taken away.
“Breakfast she eats the most, or takes the most from, I guess.”
Clint keeps watching, but she doesn’t eat. The juice box gets drunk slowly, but the apple is placed inside the small side table drawer.
He glimpses one of the granola bars he’d given her, and he feels like an idiot for not noticing.
“Talk to her about it?”
He nods.
“Why’d you tell me? You don’t even like her?”
Maria looks at him, annoyed at the look.
“Just because I like her, doesn’t mean I want her dead.”
He looks away from the computer, Maria turning the program off.
“Clint, she’s not okay, traumatized black widows; don’t you think you’re out of your depth?”
He takes the criticism and thinks about Natasha’s face as he’d offered her a lifeline. The way she looked so sad and resigned to her fate, and the run and hide through Berlin.
“I’m all she’s got,” he shrugs.
Maria shakes her head, but says nothing.
“I’ve gotta go. I’ll chat to you later?”
He leaves without the response, mulling on her words, wondering just how hard this was going to be.
.
Clint waits, just as he promised as the door opens as Natasha steps out.
“I’ll see you in two days,” Olivia tells both the receptionist and Natasha at the door.
The receptionist nods, and gives Clint a smile, ignoring Natasha as she steps out and forward.
“Sorry,” Clint says ruefully, taking the handcuffs from Olivia.
Natasha holds her hands up, face blank, eyes glazed.
They step in line with each other, the walk back to the glass prison punctuated with Clint’s quiet words.
“I feel like you look when I walk out of therapy. Did it go okay?”
He pauses, “you don’t have to answer that.”
When there’s no words, he decides to continue talking.
He knows she doesn’t trust them; any of them. He really wants to know what she talks about in therapy. If she says anything at all or if Olivia just talks to her.
He wonders idly if he needs to talk to someone too.
Probably.
The last couple of months have been… intense, for lack of a better word and he wonders if, like Maria had said, he was out of his depth.
It was not the first time he thought it.
Natasha’s despondency was affecting him.
What did he know about defectors and a traumatised super spy?
He just didn’t want her to die.
Not by his hand, or her own.
“I like her though,” he continues.
“Give her a chance, if you can. She’s… not unlike you, in her background and maybe can help? She’s there to help.”
He mulls on his own words as he leads her a different way back. He’s right.
If anyone can help her; Olivia can.
Determined to show her a different part of the complex, they go through the kitchens, and Clint picks up two apples, throwing her one and then crunching onto the other.
It gives him time to think.
He’s going to need to touch base with Olivia, make sure that she is interacting, doing what was promised.
He could ask her what he should be doing too; for her, for himself.
Clint leads the way back with practiced ease, the silence allowing him to think.
As they enter the first round of checks, he smiles easily to the straight faced guards; then as they get deeper to the third and forth stations, it’s just Clint’s badge letting them in.
It seems to bolster Natasha, the less people around, she matches his steps and bites the apple. At the noise, Clint turns and smiles.
“You don’t eat much,” he observes.
Natasha shrugs and takes another bite.
He laughs at her sass.
“Do you not like the food?”
Natasha looks down.
He feels a little mean, talking about this after she’s just had 90 minutes of therapy.
He’s sure the sessions are not the easiest, and he can see the slight tremor in her hands, despite her trying to mask it by holding onto the apple.
They reach her cell and she steps inside the glass, holding her wrists out for him to release them.
He does.
Taking the cuffs away and pushing them into his pocket.
“Just think about it, okay? If there’s food you want or prefer, just tell me? I can help.”
Natasha looks at her feet and takes two steps back, the door closing and the glass sealing shut.
.
Despite her better judgement, Natasha continues to eat the apple. The constant hunger makes her feel on edge sometimes.
She’s so used to it, that until Clint had said something, she hadn’t given it much thought.
Sitting on the bed, legs crossed, she chews on it and thinks.
Therapy had been tough.
Though not for the first time, Olivia had called her out on things that she shouldn’t know.
Details about the Red Room that only the guards, the officers or widows knew, inner workings of the KGB and Red Room procedures like the trial of the silent knife and graduation.
And whilst Natasha hadn’t had another panic attack, it had been close.
The push to talk and baiting was tempting.
How did she know?
She knew she’d eventually have to talk, but for now, whilst she could hold onto her silence, she wanted to keep it.
It was the only control she had.
Her mind feels like a minefield.
Sometimes, she feels like once she starts talking, she’ll never stop; but the years of self preservation wouldn’t let her.
She sorts the known information, finishing the apple and swallowing slowly, closing her eyes on the onslaught of images and thoughts.
It takes her a moment to let the memory of the silent knife trial pass. The blood on her hands feeling so visceral and real she opens and closes her eyes just to check.
She breathes.
In.
Holds it.
And out.
It has become the easiest thing to do after therapy. To think and sort through all the things that were said, disclosed and asked of her.
After a day like today where she had had to do both debriefing and therapy, she knew that nightmares would be inevitable.
She just hoped that whoever was watching the cameras tonight was sleeping on the job.
Natasha breathes slowly again.
Starting with the image that comes first, she focuses as best she can on sorting real from not real. What they had said, what she had disclosed, information that still was secret and that which had become known.
They were still only on major players of the organisation; those that she knew had ties into the western world. People she had been sent after, political agendas. It was far easier to talk about than herself, though she had a feeling that was coming.
Her mind flashes to Dreykov and she bites the inside of her cheek, drawing blood.
Real or not real.
She tries to ground herself in this moment.
She didn’t trust them.
They knew too much.
She’d told them too much.
There was no going back now.
Natasha thinks of Maria again.
Always an ending thought.
The divulgence of knowing her birthdate.
Information known by a select few but, perhaps also could be found from intel files. It means that somewhere here there’s more intel on her; prior to her coming here.
What she wouldn’t give for that file.
Therapy conversations had given her pause.
It was difficult to think about without her mind flashing back; and she didn’t want to.
Not here.
Not now.
There’s a file on her.
And she wants it.
.
<3
#whumptober2024#day 2#trust issues#food hoarding#marvel fic#natasha romanoff#maria hill#Clint Barton#black widow#my fic#hawkeye#natasha romanoff fic#clintasha fanfiction#clintasha fanfic#avengers fic#shield fic#early shield days#Maria hill fic#Clint Barton fic
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I genuinely grew up believing that society was going to collapse and that we would all be living in mad max wasteland future by now and like. Yes all of us grew up feeling like we didn't have a future but my upbringing actively told me over and over that The End was coming soon. It's literally doomsday cult shit, but instead of revelations I got peak oil and climate change. And like at the very least those things are real, but the world has not ended, society has not collapsed, and that narrative running through my entire childhood fucked me up bad and left me completely unprepared to function. Like why make any plans? Why have dreams? Why strive for anything in the society we have now when we knew this was coming? But at the same time my parents weren't DOING anything about it. We weren't preppers, we weren't moving to another country, we were just staying put and waiting and worrying, there was always an immediate reason we couldn't act but a long term view of the world that said disaster was coming soon. And at the same time extreme pressure to achieve, because there was this sense that time was running out, money was running out, that I would only ever be safe if I was able to get good grades and degrees and a career that paid well.
I have no point to this post exactly except that I'm still just sort of astounded that that's how I grew up
#and this was maintained through isolationism. also very cult like. homeschooling and a running narrative that ither people were just#too ignorant to understand what was coming#that we were somehow better#like i honestly have to wonder how much my mom even remembers about how things were in my childhood#given what i now understand about her capacity for denial and dissociation#but i spent my early formative years during the bush administration just immersed in all this shit#like why the fuck was i 10 and under the impression that i needed to mentally prepare myself#to live in a post-apocalyptic ''Day After Tomorrow'' world#what's funny is now i see it as the cop out it always was. if you're waiting for an inevitable catastrophe you never have to ACT#the doomerism itself acts as a shield#it keeps life small#and here's me as a teen/young adult developing severe mental health problems and everyone including me just going#''why are you like this??? what is wrong with you? why is everything so hard??''
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Ink October day nine: Convalescent
To recover health and strength gradually after illness or injury, often by staying off your feet.
#Benneth Cherry#Benneth Poppy#pokemon trainer oc#pokemon oc#pkmn sword and shield#pkmn swsh#pokemon#Pokémon#pkmn oc#pokemon swsh#pkmn swsh oc#blue boi draws#ink october#ink October 2023#ink October 2023 day 9#the prince becomes the dragon#god I love Benneth Poppy/Cherry. I really made them such a fucked up little guy huh#what if u were a kid in the early 1900s who got hit by a shooting star and start dying then ur dad puts u in stasis to stop that from#happening but then u wake up in the 2000s with little to no memory of ur childhood get fostered by a normal woman and then go on to become#the champion and also a murderer.#also you have some connection to the dynamax bullshit and the big alien dragon that probably has something to do with the shooting star that#almost killed you but you don’t know that so it’s fine :) you are just one bad choice away from becoming a main villain.#ALSO the Cherry family being descendents of the royal line but Benneth being more Eternatus aligned… btw they nicknamed Eternatus ‘Dinah’#‘I’m fucked up and evil’ no ur just twelve. go to therapy and stop being an asshole.#Benneth likes three things 1.Hop 2.Pokémon and 3.Not facing the cavernous black hole which is their past.#extremely good with Pokémon but not so much people. takes them a while to warm up to people and will talk shit about them to their face.#also they killed a guy in cold blood that one time but it was during The Darkest Day and so they got away with it.#I love him
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Ahahahah
I feel like shit
And im 99% sure its because I'm stressed
I always feel sick when im stressed
But the stress always gets worse now when that happens cuz of covid. Which makes me feel more sick.
Awesome 👍👍👍👍👍👍👍
#i took a covid test and it was negative#it doesnt help that when i told isabella i was leaving early cuz i had a migraine she was like “hopefully its not covid. thats spiking#again and several people are out right now because of it“#like. great. awesome.#im catastrophizing#i wear a mask at work. i dont get too close to anyone. my desk has a pexiglass shield around it.#im probably fine#but man#im one of like. 3 or 4 people there that wears a mask#and i KNOW these people go out and do a lot of stuff around a lot of people outside of work#cuz theyre always talking about it#the next few months are gonna be ROUGH#i know the point of the movie click was to show that you SHOULDNT fast forward through your life#but fuck man id like to do it just this once#like just let me fast forward til we're moved into the new house#let me skip all the difficult shit#hopefully my period starts in the next couple days so itll be pretty much done by the time we leave for Minnesota#that might also take care of some of my current anxiety#i better not get sick tho#i dont wanna miss work#at work i can just be mad at whoever put a million staples in one document#takes my mind off things#specifically imagining beating this person to death with a stapler#they just put an OBSCENE amount of staples in every document#like worstie this was not at all necessary why have you done this#ahhhhh#just 3 more work days til i leave#1 more day this week and i can sleep in#im sure the sleep deprivation isnt helping
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Article | Paywall Free
"The Food and Drug Administration approved new mRNA coronavirus vaccines Thursday [August 22, 2024], clearing the way for shots manufactured by Pfizer-BioNTech and Moderna to start hitting pharmacy shelves and doctor’s offices within a week.
Health officials encourage annual vaccination against the coronavirus, similar to yearly flu shots. Everyone 6 months and older should receive a new vaccine, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention recommends.
The FDA has yet to approve an updated vaccine from Novavax, which uses a more conventional vaccine development method but has faced financial challenges.
Our scientific understanding of coronavirus vaccines has evolved since they debuted in late 2020. Here’s what to know about the new vaccines.
Why are there new vaccines?
The coronavirus keeps evolving to overcome our immune defenses, and the shield offered by vaccines weakens over time. That’s why federal health officials want people to get an annual updated coronavirus vaccine designed to target the latest variants. They approve them for release in late summer or early fall to coincide with flu shots that Americans are already used to getting.
The underlying vaccine technology and manufacturing process are the same, but components change to account for how the virus morphs. The new vaccines target the KP.2 variant because most recent covid cases are caused by that strain or closely related ones...
Do the vaccines prevent infection?
You probably know by now that vaccinated people can still get covid. But the shots do offer some protection against infection, just not the kind of protection you get from highly effective vaccines for other diseases such as measles.
The 2023-2024 vaccine provided 54 percent increased protection against symptomatic covid infections, according to a CDC study of people who tested for the coronavirus at pharmacies during the first four months after that year’s shot was released...
A nasal vaccine could be better at stopping infections outright by increasing immunity where they take hold, and one is being studied in a trial sponsored by the National Institutes of Health.
If you really want to dodge covid, don’t rely on the vaccine alone and take other precautions such as masking or avoiding crowds...
Do the vaccines help prevent transmission?
You may remember from early coverage of coronavirus vaccines that it was unclear whether shots would reduce transmission. Now, scientists say the answer is yes — even if you’re actively shedding virus.
That’s because the vaccine creates antibodies that reduce the amount of virus entering your cells, limiting how much the virus can replicate and make you even sicker. When vaccination prevents symptoms such as coughing and sneezing, people expel fewer respiratory droplets carrying the virus. When it reduces the viral load in an infected person, people become less contagious.
That’s why Peter Hotez, a physician and co-director of the Texas Children’s Hospital Center for Vaccine Development, said he feels more comfortable in a crowded medical conference, where attendees are probably up to date on their vaccines, than in a crowded airport.
“By having so many vaccinated people, it’s decreasing the number of days you are shedding virus if you get a breakthrough infection, and it decreases the amount of virus you are shedding,” Hotez said.
Do vaccines prevent long covid?
While the threat of acute serious respiratory covid disease has faded, developing the lingering symptoms of “long covid” remains a concern for people who have had even mild cases. The CDC says vaccination is the “best available tool” to reduce the risk of long covid in children and adults. The exact mechanism is unclear, but experts theorize that vaccines help by reducing the severity of illness, which is a major risk factor for long covid.
When is the best time to get a new coronavirus vaccine?
It depends on your circumstances, including risk factors for severe disease, when you were last infected or vaccinated, and plans for the months ahead. It’s best to talk these issues through with a doctor.
If you are at high risk and have not recently been vaccinated or infected, you may want to get a shot as soon as possible while cases remain high. The summer wave has shown signs of peaking, but cases can still be elevated and take weeks to return to low levels. It’s hard to predict when a winter wave will begin....
Where do I find vaccines?
CVS said its expects to start administering them within days, and Walgreens said that it would start scheduling appointments to receive shots after Sept. 6 and that customers can walk in before then.
Availability at doctor’s offices might take longer. Finding shots for infants and toddlers could be more difficult because many pharmacies do not administer them and not every pediatrician’s office will stock them given low demand and limited storage space.
This year’s updated coronavirus vaccines are supposed to have a longer shelf life, which eases the financial pressures of stocking them.
The CDC plans to relaunch its vaccine locator when the new vaccines are widely available, and similar services are offered by Moderna and Pfizer."
-via The Washington Post, August 22, 2024
#covid#long covid#vaccines#vaccination#covid vaccine#covid19#public health#united states#good news#hope
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Daddy´s least favorites
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cw: SMUT(18+), incest, fingering, reader cries, ward is a bad parent like always, SO. MANY. NICKNAMES., DEAD DOVE: DO NOT EAT!!
wc: ~ 2,8k
a/n: hellooooooo! didn´t exactly (carefully) proof-read this one, sorry!!
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You had always been sensitive—Rafe loved to call you a crybaby for it, teasing you relentlessly. But even as the sting of his words faded into affection over the years, you knew there was a painful truth beneath it. You felt things deeply, and that wasn’t always easy.
Growing up in the shadow of your family’s wealth might sound enviable to outsiders, but it didn’t shield you from the heartbreak of vying for your father Ward’s approval—or the devastating loss of your mother. Those experiences carved you into someone tender, someone raw, and someone Rafe couldn’t help but try to protect, even in his messy way.
Your older brother could be cruel with his jokes, sure, but when it truly mattered, Rafe was there for you. Always.
When you cried as a toddler because you’d lost your favorite stuffed animal, 8-year-old Rafe handed you a piece of candy and made silly faces until your giggles broke through your tears. When you were inconsolable over your father’s constant favoritism toward Sarah, Rafe sat beside you in quiet solidarity, gently murmuring, “I know, I know… it’s okay.” He did know. The two of you shared an unspoken understanding, a bond rooted in the same aching void your father’s love failed to fill.
Then there were the teenage years, full of heartbreaks and disappointments. On the eve of your 15th birthday, when the boy you liked stopped talking to you out of nowhere, you collapsed into Rafe’s arms, sobbing uncontrollably. He didn’t hesitate. Pulling you close, he kissed your forehead and promised, “Everything’s gonna be alright.” You were too wrapped up in your heartbreak to notice the smirk he hid behind your back.
Now, at 19, you’d just scraped through college with barely passing grades—another milestone your father dismissed with a half-hearted nod. You weren’t the smartest person, and you knew it, but Rafe had always found ways to make you feel like you were enough.
A bad grade? He’d distract you with stupid jokes or drag you out for ice cream until your mood lifted. Summer school? He rode the bus with you every single day, waiting patiently for the final bell so he could walk you home under the blistering sun—because your parents couldn’t be bothered to make time.
Sarah and Rafe may have been closer in age, but you and Rafe were something different, something deeper. The five-year gap between you didn’t matter when it came to the bond you shared. He wasn’t just your brother; he was your anchor in a house that often felt more like a storm.
That’s why, during your weekly FaceTime call, when he announced he’d be coming home for an entire week during autumn break, you couldn’t contain your excitement. You squealed, clapped, and practically counted down the days like it was Christmas.
The morning of his arrival, you woke up buzzing with energy. You hadn’t felt this happy in weeks, maybe months. Without really thinking about it, you found yourself putting on your cutest top and skirt, doing your makeup, and styling your hair with care. It was silly, you told yourself—he was just your brother. But something about seeing him again made you want to look your best.
“Rafe’s here!” your dad called from downstairs, his voice carrying through the house. Four minutes early. Your heart leaped at the sound, and before you knew it, you were sprinting down the stairs, nearly tripping over yourself in your excitement.
You skidded to a halt at the front door, and there he was, standing in the entryway with that familiar crooked grin. His duffel bag hung over one shoulder, and his eyes lit up the moment he saw you.
“Rafe!” you practically screamed, throwing yourself at him. Your arms wrapped around his neck, squeezing tight as you buried your face against his shoulder.
“Hi, sweet girl,” he chuckled, his voice warm as he hugged you back. One arm tightened around your waist while his other hand came up to cradle the back of your head. “Miss me?”
“So much,” you mumbled against him, your voice muffled but heartfelt. It had been months since you’d last seen him, and the comfort of his presence was overwhelming.
“You gonna let go anytime soon?” he teased, tilting his head back slightly to try and meet your gaze.
“Mm-mm, nope,” you replied, your grip only tightening. The faint smell of his cologne mixed with the crisp autumn air clinging to his jacket, and for the first time in a long time, you felt completely at ease.
—————————
The rest of the day, you stuck by him like a shadow, trailing him wherever he wandered in the house. It was as if you couldn’t bear to let him out of your sight, and truthfully, you couldn’t. Having him back after so long made you realize just how much you had missed him. The house felt whole again, and for the first time in months, so did you.
At dinner the whole family sat around the dinner table, conversations flowing and everyone eager to catch up with the 24-year-old who had been gone for several months.
“So,” Ward said, glancing at Rafe while cutting into his steak. “You seein’ anyone?” His tone was casual, but there was a glint of curiosity in his eyes.
Rafe paused for a moment, shifting in his seat. “Oh, uh… not really,” he replied, his voice light. “Been talking to this one girl, but it’s nothing serious.”
You froze. A mix of emotions churned within you—anger, sadness, jealousy. You hated the idea of him seeing someone. It wasn’t fair; he’d already been away for months, and now he might share what little time he had left with someone else.
As Ward launched into a nostalgic story about his heartbreaker days, your thoughts spiraled. Rafe, however, didn’t miss the way your lips had curled into a subtle pout. Leaning closer, he lowered his voice to speak only to you.
“You okay, pretty girl?” His words were soft, almost tender, and his piercing gaze sent your heart racing.
Caught off guard, you quickly smoothed out your frown and replaced it with a small smile. “Oh, uh—yeah. Of course, I am,” you replied, your voice not as convincing as you’d hoped.
Rafe studied you for a moment longer, clearly unconvinced, but decided not to press. He leaned back in his chair, ready to return to the conversation, when you blurted out in a hushed tone, “So… you’re talking to someone? Is she… nice?”
You’d meant to sound casual, but the words came out hesitant, laced with something you couldn’t quite hide. The moment you saw his eyebrows shoot up and that familiar smirk stretch across his face, you knew you hadn’t been as subtle as you thought.
“Aww, are you jealous?” he teased, his voice quiet but amused as he leaned in closer. The soft chuckle that followed made your cheeks burn.
“What? No—” you stammered, your protest weak and unconvincing.
Rafe only grinned wider, his blue eyes twinkling mischievously. “Yeah, yeah. Sure, kiddo.” He reached over and lightly tapped your hand resting on the table. “C’mon, you know you’ll always be my number one girl.”
His words sent a warmth through you that you couldn’t quite explain. You tried to hide the pleased smile tugging at your lips but failed miserably. Instead, you muttered a quiet, “Thanks…” and hoped he didn’t notice the blush creeping up your cheeks.
—————————
The glow of the fridge light spilled into the darkened kitchen, the quiet hum of its machinery the only sound cutting through the stillness of the evening. You stood there, staring blankly at its contents, your hand gripping the cool edge of the door. It was the first moment all night you’d been away from Rafe since he came home. He had asked you to grab him a bottle of water while he disappeared to the bathroom, and of course, you obliged. You always did.
As your fingers curled around the condensation-covered bottle, you heard the faint sound of footsteps behind you. Instinctively, you turned, your breath catching as your father’s figure emerged from the shadows. He stood by the kitchen counter, the sharp lines of his face illuminated by the faint glow. His posture was firm, his expression unreadable, save for the weight it carried—heavy, commanding.
“You’re happy to have Rafe back, aren’t you?” he asked, his voice even, though its edge cut through you. His fingers drummed slowly against the countertop, each tap sinking into the silence like a stone dropped into water. “Maybe it’s time you start thinking about your future too. College, maybe? Something worthwhile.”
“Dad, I—”
“I don’t want to hear any excuses,” he interrupted sharply, his words like a door slamming in your face.
“But Rafe and Sarah—”
“It doesn’t matter what they’ve done,” he barked, his voice rising impatiently. “What matters is you. You need to get your act together and stop wasting your life on things that don’t matter.”
The words stung. Each one a deliberate wound, striking deeper than the last. You opened your mouth to defend yourself, to explain, to plead for understanding, but every attempt was drowned out by his voice—louder, harsher, cutting you down before you could stand.
By the time the tears slipped from your eyes, hot and unbidden, you couldn’t stay any longer. Your chest tightened, your breath faltered, and without another word, you turned and fled. His voice followed you, sharp and biting, as you took the stairs two at a time and stumbled into your room. You shut the door hard behind you, muffling the world outside as sobs wracked your body.
“Pretty girl, what’s wrong?”
The voice was soft, familiar—steady as the tide. Through your blurred vision, you saw him: Rafe, sitting on the edge of your bed, his brows knit with concern. He looked at you like you were something fragile, something precious, and in that moment, the storm inside you softened just a little.
“D-Dad,” you choked out, your voice cracking as the words tangled with your tears. “H-he… he said—”
“Shh, angel,” Rafe murmured, already rising and closing the distance between you. His arms enveloped you, pulling you into his chest. “It’s okay. I’m here.”
His warmth surrounded you, his hands steadying your trembling frame as he held you close. You buried your face into the soft fabric of his shirt, your tears soaking into him as the safety of his presence began to untangle the knot in your chest.
“Ward said something to you?” he asked, his voice low but laced with barely contained anger. His hand moved to the back of your head, stroking your hair gently as you struggled to speak.
“H-he’s just so mean,” you finally whispered, your voice cracking like a splintered branch. “Why does he have to be like that? Why is he always so mean?”
Rafe sighed softly, his lips brushing against the top of your head. “I know, angel. I know,” he murmured, his voice filled with a tenderness that soothed even as your tears kept falling. His thumb wiped a stray tear from your cheek, his touch warm and deliberate. “He shouldn’t talk to you like that. You know that, right? He’s wrong.”
You nodded weakly, your exhaustion weighing heavier now, your sobs quieting into soft, uneven breaths.
“Let’s get you settled, yeah?” Rafe whispered, shifting slightly as he cupped your thighs to guide your legs onto the bed.
“But… I don’t have my PJs on,” you mumbled, your voice small and thick with the remnants of your tears.
“Don’t worry, princess, just relax. Let your big brother take care of you,” he said reassuringly, starting to pull the zipper of your plaid skirt down.
“Rafe, what—!”
“Shh… it’s okay,” his words cut you off, pressing kisses to your forehead and petting your hair — the affectionate gesture making your brain go fuzzy.
As his large hands tugged your skirt off, his lips trailed down to your neck, innocent affectionate kisses turning desire-filled and nasty—sweet to sloppy.
Your mouth stood agape, eyes fluttering shut as your head fell back to be cast upward. Rafe’s slender long fingers deftly hooked around the hem of your shirt, pulling it up your arms and torso, over your head, and onto the white rug next to your skirt.
Suddenly he pulled away, his lips disappearing from your now burning skin which caused you to straighten your head again and look at him — now with an embarrassingly noticeable flush coating your cheeks and chest.
It didn’t matter though, he wasn’t looking at your face; no, he was intently studying your body, only clad in a mismatching lace bra and underwear set, seated on the bed before him.
As you peered down at your attire along with him, taking in the revealing sight — a bra, baby pink and completed with small little flowers and intricate details on top. Your panties, are virgin white and accompanied by swirls and frills of lace at the top hem of the soft fabric.
You knew this was not how you should be dressed in the presence of your brother.
“C’mon, bedtime.” You knew sleeping in your bra wasn’t good concerning breast development but you didn’t say anything. Choosing to instead crawl into bed and cozy up in the warm scarlet sheets.
As you cuddled into your blanket and pillows you felt the mattress dip behind you, upon further inspection after you had turned your head, you saw Rafe climbing in next to you.
“You doin’ a bit better, princess?” The question made you remember the argument and the tears shed. You answered with just a small curt nod, turning back around to face the wall to hide the tears that started filling your eyes again.
Soon enough you felt Rafe’s hard chest pressed against your back and his comforting arms wrapped around you.
“I’m so sorry, pretty girl, you deserve so much better,” he whispered as he ran his fingertips over your arm.
“I’ll help you cheer up, okay? Just… just hold still for me, okay? Be a good little sister.”
With a confused face, you hesitantly agreed. Said confused expression soon turned to shock when Rafe’s hand tread scarily close to your thighs.
“You’ve grown so much.” His breath hit your ear tantalizingly as his hand gripped your thigh and pried it apart from the other.
"You’re a real woman now, huh? So proud of you. So so so proud of you, baby.” Your heart flourished and your mind melted, his praise overloading your body too much to even register that he had reached your panties and was tracing the edge of them.
A small kiss was placed on your shoulder, followed by a low, “I can give you what you deserve.”
His index finger snaked its way down into the fabric, making you gasp as he barely touched your most sensitive and private body part.
“I’m gonna provide for you one day.” His finger ran through your slit, teasing your puffy clit when he reached it. “I’ll take such good care of you.” He probed at your entrance, circling it like hyenas do their prey. He ignored your gasps and mewls and spoke further. “We’ll leave this place behind and we’ll be happy. Together. Forever.”
Two of his gnarled fingers plunged into your tight hole, pushing and stretching against the walls.
Your back arched and you let out a series of moans and blubbers — soon to be shut up by Rafe clasping his hand over your mouth.
He continued pumping his digits in and out of you, trailing kisses from the front column of your throat to the nape of the back of your neck.
You knew it was wrong, what you both were doing was so so incredibly wrong but it felt so great.
“You’re mine, yeah pretty girl? All mine,” he snarled as you reached your intense and overpowering high, your orgasm crashing onto you with a force of gravity itself.
Rafe slowly fucked you through your blissful haze, slipping his hand out of your now wet panties and licking his fingers coated in your essence clean.
“Rafe…” was the first word you spoke when he removed his hand from your face. Your voice was trial and shaky, your eyes wide and guilt-ridden as they looked at him.
“I know, I know. C’mere,” he inveigled your body to lay flat on his as he intoned validations and easements.
His hand glided up and down your bare back, repeating the same phrase under his breath — his version of a lullaby to get his baby sister to sleep.
“I got you, sweetheart, I got you now.”
#cw incest#rafe cameron#rafe cameron imagine#rafe cameron x reader#rafe cameron smut#rafe cameron fanfiction#rafe obx#rafe outer banks#rafe x reader#rafe fic#rafe cameron fic#outer banks#outer banks fanfiction#outer banks x reader#obx fanfiction#outer banks rafe#outer banks smut#obx fic#obx x reader#obx smut
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Lykirī
PAIRING: Aemond Targaryen x wife!reader
WARNINGS: loss of virginity, fingering, oral sex (f and m receiving), handjob, we ride him bitches, dom/sub tones if you squint
WORD COUNT: 8.9k
Author's note: an early Christmas gift for those who celebrate!! For those who don't, just a regular smutty piece. This was based on a request where wife!reader rides Aemond. Merry Aemondmas :)
MASTERLIST
taglist: @zae5 @multyfangirl @arcielee
"You are to marry the King's second son. Prince Aemond Targaryen."
Those were your father's words. Your sister had looked at you almost with pity and a hint of relief since that fate had befallen you and not her. You had simply nodded, accepting the fate decided by your father, just as thousands of other daughters before and after you would have done.
Your mother had come to comb your hair before going to bed, and without much ado, she had told you what would happen after the wedding, after the banquet.
"All you have to do is try to relax your nerves, and I promise it will be less painful.”
The thought had stuck in your brain until the wedding day. And the aura emanating from the prince didn't help. He was stoic to the point of looking like a statue, his posture rigid as a spindle, and there was something unsettling about him that made the hairs on the back of your neck stand when he took your hand to recite the wedding vows. Fear, but also a foreign giddiness prickling your skin upon feeling his calloused fingers around yours.
The banquet had not helped either. Prince Aegon had behaved like a court jester, drinking to the point of wondering how he could stand upright, poking his brother with cruel jokes about his eye and a whore who had made Aemond a man many years before.
You didn’t know what kind of unpleasant memories your good-brother had just summoned in his brother’s mind. That woman and her cheap perfume, that way it had clung to his skin, to his thoughts for days after his only ever trip to Flea Bottom.
Then the elder Prince had approached you with his breath stinking of Dornish and it was then that Prince Aemond broke his icy silence, standing up abruptly and looking down at you. "Come, wife. It is time for us to retire."
Prince Aegon had clapped his hands as if in front of a hilarious show, saying "Finally some fun! The bedding!"
The entire crowd present at the banquet had escorted you to the prince's chambers. The servants had removed your dress, leaving you in your underskirts; you had unconsciously covered your chest, crossing your arms to hide from the greedy eyes of the men peering in the doorway, Prince Aegon in the front row with yet another cup of wine clutched between his fingers.
Master Mellos invited you to lie down on the bed, and you obeyed, swallowing, while a host of servants shielded you from view as the Maester made his humiliating inspection.
"All is in order, your Graces," the Master informed the Prince and Queen. And that was enough for Aemond to completely slip the iron mask off his face and go straight to the door. "The show is over. Get out."
"Oh, come on, little brother. Let me watch, at least. I could give you some tips."
Aemond had towered over his brother, and from your seat on the bed, you were able to see the eldest brother shrinking by the moment. "This is not some common whore you're speaking of.” Aemond seethed “She is my wife, and you will owe her the respect she deserves. One more lewd word from your mouth, and I will rip your tongue with my bare hands. Am I being clear?”
"Gods, brother, are you already so cunt-struck?"
He never got an answer, only the door being slammed right into his face.
You stood in the middle of the room, torturing your hands as he looked at you from the door. He seemed unsure of what to do, until he cleared his throat and took a few tentative steps in the room.
“You could have some wine, if you wish. It may…help you.” He said, but as he said this, he seemed to regret his own words, given how his mouth twitched as if he had just tasted something sour. Memories could come just like that, sudden and sour.
“You must relax, my prince. Have some wine, maybe? No need to worry, I will take care of you just as a prince deserves to.”
“I’d like to keep my mind clear, my Prince.” You said, keeping your gaze down, hearing his fast and deep sigh. “Fine.” he said, straightening his back as a soldier. After all, wasn’t this just another duty?
It wasn’t just that though. You were his wife now, the future mother of his children. It was his duty and his right to claim you as his own.
“Lay on the bed.”
With your heart pounding in your ears, you did as you were told but when the mattress dipped under his weight, you did not expect to see him with his clothes still on, the eyepatch firmly in its place. More so, you did not expect the harshness of his gestures as he held your waist to turn you around. The air hitched in your throat as your face met the mattress and a strange sorrow gripped your heart. Did he not want to look at you? Did he not like you?
“Try to stay still and it’ll be over shortly.” he said. He was trying to sound reassuring, but his voice came out cold and flat. His fingers latched on your underskirts, hiking them up, filling you with embarrassment as you grow completely exposed beneath him.
Aemond knew what to do. He may not have been as depraved as his brother, but he was still a man. And once in a while, when his hands would not suffice, some maid or servant girl would’ve had to bear, quite keenly on their part, his intimate attentions.
As his hands began to glide on your thighs, you shivered and said “Wait…”
Slowly your head turned to look at him, cheeks red and breath slow and anxious. “Am I not allowed to look at you?”
Your words seemed to stun him for a moment. The mere thought of you wanting to look at him made him realize how wrong he was behaving. You were his wife, not a common whore to bend over and have his moment of bliss. He had even told Aegon. That was not his intention, but there was a gap between how he felt and how he acted, a limb severed by years of pity looks and feelings trapped in his mouth and swallowed.
Almost gently, he made you turn but once you were facing him, he pinned your wrists on the mattress, unable to touch him even if you had gathered enough courage to do it. You tried to brace yourself for what your mother had told you. But she had not told you that he would touch you there, that all your senses would go numb except for that one brand new feeling between your legs. But he seemed enthralled by it just as you, his mouth parting to let out slow puffs of air as you grow wet and swollen against his fingers.
Your breath was labored, coming out in soft pants that made your cheeks purple. More so because he kept circling his deft fingers on your core while looking straight into your eyes, reveling in the way you were answering to his call, in the way he was shaping your need, your desire.
“You never touched yourself, did you?” he asked in a husky voice.
You barely shook your head and his eye glinted with something dark as he brought his face close to yours “Good. I shall be the only one inside you.”
He swallowed your shaky breath with this mouth, kissing you for the very first time, apart from the shy, almost prude peck exchanged after the wedding vows. Your lips moved shyly, trembling with the coiling pressure between your legs. And just when you thought this heat, this delicious aching couldn’t grow more unbearable, he sticked a finger inside you, spilling a loud moan right against his mouth.
One of your wrists twisted in his harsh hold, willing to touch him, to grip on something, but he didn’t let you. “Easy…” he blew on your lips “Relax. It’ll feel good, I promise…”
It surely felt good to him, to feel the tightness of your cunt squeezing his finger. He curled it and you squinted your eyes, choking a gasp that made him smirk proudly against your jaw. “Gods, you’re so tight…” he breathed as he kept rubbing slowly against your walls.
“It’s—it’s too much—“ you cried out with pain and pleasure running together, breathing his scent of ash, leather and a hint of something minty.
“How will you take my cock if you can’t even take my finger?” He whispered with benevolent cruelty, moving his finger faster and deeper.
Certainly your mother had not told you of the obscene wet sounds you would hear, of the uncontrollable moans coming out of your mouth, of his soft growling next to your ear when his breeches became too tight.
He had lined the tip of his hard manhood to your entrance, catching your breath away as tried to still your nerves, but the pain came altogether. You felt like he was cutting you from the inside. Tears filled your eyes, squinting for the painful stretching. You knew he was restraining himself; he didn’t want to hurt you more than he already was. And you almost felt affection for him, most men would not have bothered.
Then he had started to move, you felt that stranger body rubbing over and over against your walls, and finally the pain soothed, but not completely. You could tell he was enjoying it, his ragged breath and faint moans told you so, as well as the curses hissed through his teeth in a language you guessed was Valyrian. And then he had stilled completely, gripping your hips hard and firm while you felt a hot wave pulsing through your core.
The next morning, you could barely sit down for breakfast, and your aunt had looked at you with concern and a hint of amusement in her eyes. She was a veteran at court, a long-time widow, and quite happy to be so. It was her who suggested your betrothal to the Prince.
"How are you feeling, sweet niece?"
"Awful." you said promptly, shifting your weight on the seat.
"Well, this is the kind of anguish all women must go through."
"I thought that was giving birth to another human being."
"Oh Gods, no. That is the ugly part. This is the good one," she said with a sly smile "I suggest you enjoy it as much as you can."
At the time, you didn't really understand what she meant. The first night with the prince had gone...well, you thought. But he certainly enjoyed it more than you.
The second time was better. Your muscles were still sore, but the pain was but a faint discomfort compared to the pleasure you felt for the very first time in your life.
The third time he went down on you, bringing you so close to the edge only to deny your release, with cruel enjoyment on his part, making you whine with shame at the loss of his mouth and tongue on your folds.
The fourth time he bent you down on the breakfast table, all things falling in a mess of cutlery. He had pulled up your skirts and lowered his breeches just enough to thrust in, unraveling a special spot deep inside of you that had you mewling like some primitive beast.
The fifth time he had you writhing in bed, hair stuck to your head with sweat and hands clenching the sheets while he had you peak three times in a row.
It was then that you started to think your aunt was right.
That was indeed the good part.
“Are you afraid?” he asks, with a soft taunt on the tip of his tongue. You drag your eyes away from the gigantic beast before you and almost scoff. That is enough for him to laugh, quietly, but still not quietly enough for you to not notice and wonder at the view.
It’s been merely one moon since you’ve been married to Prince Aemond, and you could count on the fingers of your hand the times you have seen him laugh. It was eerie at first, you feared all the things you heard about the One Eyed Prince were true. That he was cold as stone and just as hard. And he was. But the more you spent time together, the more you were able to make cracks, and let light through.
“I’m equally afraid as any little mortal of right mind would be in front of the largest dragon in the known world, my dear husband.”
His lips stay quirked up, but his eye widens, as it always does when you call him that. He steps close to you, a few of his long strides are enough for him to tower over you, and the ground below your feet shifts.
“Come.” He says, taking your hand, “I promise she won’t eat you.” This time you deliberately glare at him, and he raises an eyebrow. “Do you need some other kind of persuasion to trust me? Perhaps like the one I used this morning?”
The early afternoon sun makes his face almost hurting to watch, or maybe it's just his bold gloating that makes his appearance so exhausting.
“That was not persuasion.” you remark, hiding the tinge of red on your cheeks “It was coercion.”
“Hmm. You didn’t seem so hostile when I made you come twice before breakfast.”
"I was hostile to the chance of the maid assisting with what we were doing."
"The maid should know better than to enter while my wife is undressing."
His eye roams over you just as he had done that morning, hunger clouding it, making your insides shrink. "Perhaps it's best if she knew. Someone must be aware of how cruel my husband is." there's a soft tease in your tone—something you are still learning, but true nonetheless.
He had ripped your nightgown with his bare hands when the maid entered to help you dress. She fled hastily, but you barely spared a glance at her, already lost to the fierce claim of his hand between your legs. He had taken you, twice, and then ordered you to dress, forcing you to have breakfast with the Queen and the Princess with your thighs still sticky with sex, sticky with him.
And he had been there, sitting just in front of you, with a piercing and delighted gaze.
He pulls your hand, and you follow, getting closer to that living relic that is Vhagar, Queen of All Dragons. She raises her monstrous head and looks straight at you with her amber eyes.
It is the first time you step so close to her, and even if you thought about it a lot, your heart is pounding fast, and your breath comes out slow and labored. She's a dreadful wonder.
She flares her nostrils and smells you, making a low rumble which results in a gust of hot wind that ruffles your hair and skirts.
“Lykirī, Vhagar.” Aemond says quietly “Issa ñuha ābrazȳrys. Kostā pāsagon zirȳla.”
You look at him questioningly, and he answers. “I told her you are my wife. And she can trust you.”
You cast a curious look at the dragon and then back at him “Is that all it takes? You tell dragons to trust you, and they resist the urge to turn you into their meal?”
Aemond curves his lips and makes you step closer, standing behind you and guiding your hand on the old green scales. “It takes much more than that.” he whispers in your ear “You have to surrender to them, completely. A dragon is no slave.”
You feel the heat beneath your palm, but it’s not that that makes you swallow; it’s the heat of his breath on your neck, right into your ear, scorching his way into your brain and inflaming every thought.
“What does Lykirī mean?” you ask, and you hate how your voice cracks on the edges.
He smirks because he knows, he always does. But he does not answer. Instead, he pulls your hand again, and you follow, circling the beast until stopping before the intricate ropes that lead to the saddle.
“Aemond, I don’t think—”
“You are my wife and you will ride with me on dragon back.” He said, commanding.
Truthfully, you gladly want to obey; there is just a slight difference between picturing riding a dragon and doing it.
Even the climbing to get in the saddle is a challenge on its own, but he helps you until you firmly seat yourself in it. Aemond sits behind you, and you look around with widened eyes, as if you are looking down from the highest tower ever built, except this is a living one, made of fire and breathing fire.
He leans over you to grab the reins, and you tense, waiting with bathed breath.
“Dohaeras, Vhagar. Soves!”
She lets out a loud screech that makes your ears hurt, but you have no time to even register it because she's already moving. You grip Aemond’s arms and brace yourself against his chest when Vhagar lurches onward and opens her huge wings to take flight.
She goes up and up, above the clouds, and your head is dizzy, with fear, with euphoria, until you are laughing like a child, like you never did in your entire life. Aemond lets go of the reins and laces his arms around you, angling his head to look at you, his silver hair violently ruffled by the wind. “How does it feel, my sweet wife?”
There are no common words to describe it. Now you know why they say Targaryens are closer to Gods than men. No man could claim a dragon or rule the skies.
“I feel like I’m close to the Gods.” you say, and he tightens the hold on you “Dragons do not answer to Gods.” he says, burying his nose in your hair “Where does this leave us?”
You turn your head to look at him, and you feel like you are looking at one of them. And yet he looks like he’s beyond any God.
“Above them. Above the Gods.”
“Hmm.” He croons, breathing your scent through his nose, and then his right hand grabs your skirt and dips underneath, until you feel his cold fingers grazing your skin. “I will make you feel like one.”
He cups your core through your small clothes, and you whimper, gripping his arm harder. He feels your heat through his palm, hotter than Vhagar’s own fire, and he sets the fabric aside to properly touch you. “My sweet wife.” he whispers, sliding a finger between your folds “Always so ready for me.”
“Aemond.” You say, holding your breath, trying to oppose but your voice cracks, and your body with it, already answering to his call. You see clouds before your eyes, but it’s all a blur, all your senses are enslaved by his touch, rubbing lazy circles on your bud. Too slow for your liking, for your need. Your hips arch and buck, chasing his hand for more friction, and he laughs, darkly. “What is it? What do you need, sweet girl? Tell me.”
He takes your chin with his free hand and forces you to turn your head and look at him. His hold is ruthless, but his tone is almost pleading. “Tell me.” he orders and you feel like he’s smothering you, sweeping away all the air from your lungs. “I-I need more…”
“More of what?” he asks, stopping altogether. “Show me.”
You look him in the eye and swallow, heat inflaming your cheeks, but there’s no place for shame, not here. It is just a faint ghost passing through you, and then it’s gone. Your hand pulls the gown up, and you place it on his, like a feather. “Here.” You breathe on his mouth “Inside.”
The howling wind does nothing to muffle his growl, and then he’s kissing you, harshly, teeth clashing and biting your lips as he accepts your plea, sliding a finger inside of you.
A strangled moan escapes you, and he swallows it, darting his tongue in every corner of your mouth. He releases your chin only to grab your leg to further open them and then he adds a second finger, moving them deftly until reaching that special spot. Your head falls back on his shoulder, gasping loudly, digging your nails into his hand.
Your breath is ragged and fast, and you uselessly try to stifle moan after moan even if there are only the skies to hear.
“Don’t.” he says grazing your lobe with his teeth “I want to hear you. I want you to scream for me.”
Your mind goes blank, as does all your restraint. You feel the tide coming to crash you, hips moving on their own accord, chasing and chasing. And then you’re drowning in it, mouth falling open and flesh and bones clenching and trembling.
He grunts softly when your nails scratch his skin and his fingers slip out, glistening; he raises them to his lips and tastes every drop of you. Still panting, he takes your chin once more with his sticky fingers and licks your lips, so you taste yourself on his tongue.
Your head is still dizzy when Vhagar lands in a clearing in the King’s Wood, but this has nothing to do with altitude. Your limbs are heavy when he helps you dismount, your legs buckle. There is a tautness knotting your bones, itching your fingertips.
You wish to touch him, because you have never, not as a wife would touch her husband, not as he has done with you.
It is only a moon and yet he has taken you almost every night and every day. He has touched you everywhere, he has molded you to his liking, and you let him do it with giddiness, undoing yourself like clay in his hands. He had put his mouth on you, and you have discovered he particularly enjoyed it, because he has done that at the most inopportune times, even in some dark corner of the corridors.
And you wondered if you could do the same with him—not because you have to, but because you want to. You want to claim him just as he claims you, relentlessly.
And he really is. He is relentless, he doesn't give you the time to wander with your hands, to discover, to touch. Fire burns him quickly and you are ashes before you realise you are burning with him.
“I didn’t know my wife had claws.” He says at one point, while you are going back to the Keep.
You wake from your thoughts and turn, watching him raise his hand to show the red marks on the back of his hand, and the sight makes you almost proud—proud to have left a mark of you on him. But you want more, and he wants more. You know it; it takes a brief look at his breeches to know that he wants more.
You dart your eyes around, but there's no one. So, you stop. Trying to gather all the boldness you never had, you step closer to him and take his hand in yours. Your eyes look up slowly, glinting with uncertainty and bravery. "Then let me soothe your pain, husband."
Aemond’s eye widens, and the air around you turn heavy, forcing you to open your mouth to breathe. You take one more step and bring the back of his hand to your lips, kissing it gently while your eyes stay fixed on his face. The other hand goes tentatively to his chest and then slides down, and for once, just once, he’s the one answering your call. His eye darkens and his lips part when your hands bashfully grab the laces of his breeches.
But you should have known better. Targaryens and their desires. Doomed to take whatever they want, whenever they want, answering neither Gods nor men.
You barely blink and he grabs you by the wrists and forces you to the ground. Cold grass and bushes stinging your back make you gasp, but Aemond is already on you, watching you like a century-long thirsted man who takes a glimpse of a water spring, as if you could evaporate from his sight at any moment.
“Aemond, please.” you beg “let me—“
But his tongue is in your mouth, hot and scorching you alive. Your eyes flutter shut, and he hikes your skirts up, taking hold of your hips. You feel his bulge against you, hard and ready, and you can do nothing else than wait, pinned down like prey, all bravery a distant memory.
Suddenly he lowers himself down, lifting your skirts with haste until you’re completely bare half down. “No—Aemond, please I want to—”
“You want what?” he asks with a wolfish grin “Deny me your sweet taste? Iksā ñuhon, ābrazȳrys.” He said that already, you know what it means. You are mine.
“You belong to me. And this…” he swears placing your legs on his shoulders while looking at your aching core as a man who found the greatest treasure in the world. “This belongs to me as well.”
He runs his tongue up and down your wet folds, humming with delight as he tastes you and sees you squirm, arching your back on the stingy bushes. You moan loudly when he slowly swirls his tongue, not able to keep track of your hips starting to move on their own, thrusting into his mouth and the sight of you like this, makes him even wilder, pushing him to open his mouth and put it entirely on your cunt, sucking harshly until anything before your eyes becomes blurred.
Your legs on his shoulders begin to shake and curl, caging him further against you, but just when you are about to come straight into his mouth, he pulls back. A weak sob leaves your mouth as your hips keep bucking against nothing and he smirks at that, untangling your legs from his shoulders, running his tongue over his lips, to taste what's left of you on him. You look at him through dazed eyes and a tinge of annoyance for the denied release. “What?” he has the boldness to ask with a sly smirk “Did you not enjoy it?” he runs his thumb on his glistening chin and swiftly licks it. "Hmm. I most certainly did."
“Aemond, please.” you claw desperately at his shoulders and forearms, forcing him to lie on you, feel something that could soothe the aching between your legs. He seems keen to grant you this mercy, molding his crotch against you so you can feel how hard and desperate he is.
“Please.” you beg in a thin voice.
“Speak it plainly, my love. I want to hear it from your pretty mouth.”
You look at him straight in the eye and what you say next is not a request nor a plea. Your mother would be ashamed of you, but you can’t bring yourself to care.
You are not begging. You are demanding. “Fuck me.”
He doesn’t need more than a few moments to get his cock out of his breeches, and not a moment later he’s pushing inside of you, your back arching on the bushes and your throat fighting for breath. He groans and starts a relentless pace, lifting his weight from you just enough for him to look at his cock going in and out, the sight only pushing him to thrust harder and harder. “Look at you.” he croons, sweet and rough “You were born to take me, to be mine.”
Your face twists with pleasure, teeth biting your lower lip while he takes you higher and higher, higher than any sky a dragon could ever take you.
He soon becomes messy and sloppy, cursing under his breath, but you can barely hear him. Your mind is sluggish and everything comes muffled: him, the birds chirping on some tree, your wet flesh slapping against his in the lewdest and most blessed way.
He curses some more, and then he’s spilling inside you, his arched mouth opening and his eye closing like a man absolved.
And yet, he does not stop. He has not claimed enough.
“Māzis, dōna ābrazȳrys. Come for me.”
Your hand clutches something on the ground, something with thorns that pierces your skin with pain, but you can’t even feel that, because you are falling, legs trembling around him, and heart stopping for an endless moment of pure breathtaking bliss.
“Gevie.” he coos with his lips on yours, falling with his body on you, still clenching and pulsing around him. He stays right where he is, nesting inside of you, and now it is the only chance you have been granted to touch him. You put an arm around his shoulders, catching your breath, and look at the skies above, thinking you are indeed above them.
It was easy to explain the dirt and grass stains on your dress. It was a little less easy to explain the twigs in your ruffled hair when you and Aemond returned to the Keep only to meet the Queen Mother along one of the corridors. Alicent merely smiled at you with a tight smile and did not spare from giving a look full of daggers to her son.
"Seven Hells" you mutter when you go back to your rooms and catch a glimpse of the mess you are in the mirror.
Aemond stays on the threshold to close the door and grins, or rather, gloats.
You step out of your muddy shoes and start to pull the laces of your dress.
"What are you doing?" he asks, and you playfully glare at him. "Am I allowed to take a bath now? Or do you want me to go around all sullied? I fear there are no believable excuses for the state I’m in."
"You can tell them the truth." he says, walking to you and replacing your hands with his to help you pull the intricate laces.
You smile softly with your back turned before raising an eyebrow, asking "Which is?"
He keeps his eye focused on the dress, a slight furrow in his brow, and stoically serious, he says "That your husband fucked you in the King's Wood."
"I could tell the maid. I'm sure she won't be stunned after what she saw this morning."
He makes you turn so you can look at him, and the sight before you makes your heart sing. His eye roams on your face softly, a rare sight on him, always stoic, always sharp, like all the angles composing this beautiful sculpture of black glass.
You always thought of marriage as a strategic deal for men, and a way for women to prove their value to the world, giving those same men sons and daughters. But you care for him. And he cares for you. That look on his face is enough for you to know that he cares for you, not merely as a brood mare.
“Gevie.” he says, quietly, and he touches your cheek, softly, making you wonder how those same hands can be so delicate and yet so merciless at the same time.
“What does it mean?” you ask, even if you are sure he will not answer. You observed that when he speaks in High Valyrian he does it almost to himself, as if to protect something he does not wish the others to know.
But this time, he meets your eyes and lowers his hand. “Beautiful.”
You look at him with your heart pounding in your throat, and then you stand up on your toes, crashing your mouth against his, almost catching him by surprise. But he is all too deft at turning the game on his side, and a few seconds later, his hands are gripping your hips and his tongue is licking the roof of your mouth.
When the door suddenly opens, you pull back, spotting the same maid from that morning who, this time, can do nothing but suffer the Prince's wrath.
"Can't you just fuck off for once?!"
You hold back a laugh against his chest and the poor maid flees in a hurry. But when he pulls you to him, tilting his head to pick up where he left off, you step back and say, "I'm afraid the Queen has requested your presence. You should go, my dear husband. I promise that by tonight I will be completely clean."
"Tonight?" he asks, raising his eyebrow. "What is happening tonight?"
You shrug your shoulders and hold back a smile. "Innocence doesn't suit you, my Prince."
"Neither does you."
"I'm afraid this is your fault. You are sullying my soul as well as...everything else."
"You won't be of the same mind when you have my child growing in your womb," and he smirks, looking at you as if he's taking a sacred oath, and then walks away.
You finally manage to take a bath and change clothes, and then you go to visit your aunt. She spends most of her time alone, sipping tea in the gardens, partly because she can't stand the other court ladies, partly because the court ladies can't stand her. Truthfully, you cannot blame them, your aunt speaks plainly—too plainly at times.
You sit down with her for tea, which you end up swallowing like salt, because your aunt takes it with a whole squeezed lemon, and no sugar.
"I saw you with your husband earlier. I may be too old for new fashion but mud on your skirt and twigs in your hair seem a bit too brazen, even for me."
You stifle a smile, recalling what happened. If only she knew he was brazen enough to have you utterly undone on dragon back, thousands of feet up.
Your eyes go distant while you fumble with some tablecloth threads, but your Aunt stares at you piercely, and grabbing her cup of tea she says "I love that look on you."
"What?"
She sips the sour liquid and puts the cup down. "That look. The I'm in love look."
"I am not!" you counter, cheeks going red.
"Of course you are. I've watched you two. I dare say he's falling way faster than you."
You look at her puzzled. Many things have changed in a moon. And you are sure you are utterly infatuated with him. But you did not know what to think of what he actually feels for you, if he even feels something. You know he cares for you, you know he loves spending time with you. You know he's passionate, possessive, almost soft at rare times. But in love? That seems too soon to consider, or to hope for.
"It is too soon to talk about love."
"In fact, I did not, my sweet niece. Falling in love and love are beasts of different species. Why do you think we say "falling"? You can't stop from falling. To love a person is an entirely different matter. Love is a choice."
You let those words sink but you prefer not to question your heart right now. There is a reason you have come here to talk to your aunt, even if you don't know how to address the matter without melting from embarrassment.
But in the end, who could you ask for advice? Your squeamish maids? The Queen Mother? Definitely not.
"Listen, I...I wanted to ask you something..." you start "It is uhm...a matter of somewhat intimate nature."
"Ah, my favourites." your aunt says, beaming "I am all ears."
You shift uncomfortably in your chair and swallow another sip of that dreadful tea "My mother...she explained to me what would happen between husband and wife to...consummate the marriage. But she didn't tell me...well, everything else."
Your Aunt is quick to raise her eyebrow "I gathered that your marriage had been consummated by now. Thoroughly."
"Y-yes, of course. But I...discovered...that there are other ways for a husband to please his wife...and I was wondering if...if I could…do those same things to please him."
Your aunt looks utterly puzzled for a long moment, and then, almost stunned, she says "Oh Seven Hells, child. You are telling me you never sucked your husband off?"
A few court ladies walking near turned their heads, going white as sheets, while you, on the contrary, take a nice purple shade.
"Oh, don't look at me like that, prissies. We all did it eventually." she dismisses them, waving a lazy hand, and looks back at you. "You should do it, if you wish. Men love it. Your uncle used to ask—"
"I don't want to hear that, auntie, I'm begging you." you say squinting your eyes.
"Listen to me, child. Men love to think they rule everything, everywhere. But it is not always like that. And if you want to rule your husband's heart, you must rule in his bed first."
That evening, Aemond wanted nothing more than to lock himself in his room with his wife and forget all the hateful political talk he had had to endure at dinner.
You had not attended, and that had bothered him. Never would he have thought of marriage as anything more than a duty, yet there he was, wondering where you were, who you were with, and why you weren't in his rooms when he set foot in there.
"Where is my wife?" he asks the maid, and she keeps her eyes glued to the floor, saying "The princess spent the evening in the library, your Grace. She told me that she would be—"
"I am here," you say, appearing behind the young maid.
You see his chest sag as if a weight is leaving him, and he casts an icy glance at the poor maid "Out."
He is rarely kind to servants, but you can tell by his tense shoulders that something is wrong.
"Aemond, what is the matter?" you ask as soon as the door closes, walking up to him with a hand behind your back.
"Where were you? Why weren't you at dinner?"
"I was in the library."
"For four hours?"
"It was a tough read—"
He grabs your arm, gripping hour wrist harshly, and you flinch. "Aemond, I swear to you.” you say watching his eye on fire and a sneer twisting his mouth “You can ask Maester Mellos."
Suddenly he lets you go, and looks down, closing his eye for a moment. But he doesn't apologize, he never does, and not because he is a Prince. It's just the way he is. He doesn't apologize, he doesn't say thank you, he doesn't say please.
"Aemond, what's going on?"
"I don't want to talk about it now. In fact, never. Not here."
You watch him carefully, and you nod as he moves to pour wine into a cup. You watch him gobble it up greedily, which is unlike him. So, you get close and move your hand from behind your back and say, "Anyway, I wasn't lying. I really spent four hours in the library...trying to decipher this."
You show him an old book, and the title catches his eye, cup held in midair. "Tales of the Dragonlords?" he asks frowning. "This is in High Valyrian."
"It is." you confirm as you move closer, and you steal his cup before saying, "Would you read it to me?" and you take a sip, of wine and courage.
He watches the liquid flow down your throat and then accepts the invitation, taking the book—the one he has read so many times he can recite it by heart. He opens it to the first page, but you say "No. Page 72."
There is a slight imperative tone in your tone of voice, and it thrills him, given how his eye glints under the candlelight. He drops it on the table, looking at you from head to toe, and says, "I'll read it to you later, sweet wife."
He steps closer but you back away saying, "Fine, then. I'll tell you what I understood so you can correct me or not." and at the same moment your own hands go up on your corset and you start pulling on the laces.
The gesture catches his eye like a moth to a flame and he stays silent as you pull all the laces and then slip off your dress, remaining in your underskirt. His gaze roams over you slowly, and with a soft smirk, he decides to play the game.
“Page 72, you said. How Dragonlords claimed Dragons.”
“Yes.”
"And why did it capture your interest? Do you wish to do it? Do you wish to claim a dragon?"
"I wish to conquer, not claim."
He comes closer and looks at you, breathing through his nose, restraining, always restraining, and then he's raising his hand to reach a lock of your hair falling on your shoulder, but you stop him, air as heavy as moss.
"The Valyrian sages say a dragonlord must surrender himself completely to the dragon. But it works both ways. The dragon must submit his will to their rider."
He looks at you without blinking, and you take his arms, guiding him closer until you turn and push him lightly on the bed. He sits and you slowly climb on his lap, knees caging his hips, heart is pounding in your throat like a hammer. You hear him taking a swift breath and pride pools in your bones because for once you have caught him off guard.
You can feel his crotch hardening by the moment, but the look on his face is not one of hunger or lust. It is pure and blessed devotion.
You wonder at the view, and your eyes roam on his face until...
"Can I take it off?"
There's no need to say what. His face goes hard as stone, eye looking away with discomfort, with shame.
"Please, Aemond." you whisper. "I want to see all of you. I want you to bare yourself to me as I did to you."
"It is not pleasant."
"I don't want pleasantness. I want you."
He stares at you for an eternal moment and then he caves.
A flash of sparkling blue catches you completely and you can do nothing but watch with lips parted, while he keeps his eye down.
You wrap an arm around his shoulders and lean your head against his to breathe one single word in his ear. "Gevie."
His arms are all around you, holding you so tight you might gasp for air. Instead you are smiling, breathing through his long silver hair. You are not sure if you aunt is right, if love is indeed a choice. You can't bring yourself to care because you are doing it already.
And then he's kissing you, seizing your tongue with his in a fierce consuming way. He slightly hikes up your hips, and his hand tries to slide between your legs, but you lace your fingers around his wrist, breaking the kiss with panted breath.
"No." you whisper, and he looks at you almost questioningly, mouth open and chest heaving.
"Lykirī."
His eye widens and you smile, secretly. "I know what it means now."
He smirks at this and does not miss the chance to be the ever diligent scholar. "But you said it wrong. The R is hard."
“Lykirī.” You say again, following his lesson, and in the same moment your hand leaves his wrist and goes down to his breeches. He dips his chin to look at it, at your hands unsure, and he too looks unsure.
“You don’t have to—“
“I want to.” You say, and your voice comes out firm and clear. “Please, Aemond. Let me…let me touch you.”
He realizes now that in all the times you have been lying together, you never managed to lay a hand on him. He likes to keep people at distance. Too many wrong hands have been on him. The Maesters’, inspecting, debating, healing without healing. That whore, taking what it was not hers to take, not yet.
But he wants you to touch him. He has dreamed of it, in any way a man could dream of a woman’s touch.
He looks at you for a moment, chest rising slowly, and then, without taking his eye off you, he pulls the laces of his breeches and guides your hand around his cock. You look down, exhaling a long breath at feeling his hard and hot flesh already pulsing.
He knows you don’t know how to do it, so his hands guide you at first, going slowly up and down, and the air comes out of his mouth slowly and labored. You look up at him, his eye is pitch black, lid growing heavy with pleasure, and your core clenches, desire pools in your belly and flows down.
He must hear the call of your body, because he releases your hand, still stroking him, and goes right between your legs. You gasp loudly, and he hums, delight dripping from his voice just as you are dripping on his fingers. He starts to pump his fingers and you can do nothing but moan, clutching his shoulders with your free hand, the other still around his cock, but the act is growing lazy, your mind can’t focus properly on what you are supposed to do.
“Listen.” he orders you, fingers moving faster and faster, and you do listen. Your soaked flesh coming undone at his scorching touch. “Who else has you like this?”
But this is a question he’s asking himself. Because no one else will ever have him bare like this.
“You. Just you.” you say hoarsely, eyes closing and hips rocking on their own accord.
“And who am I?” he whispers just as hoarsely, and yet his voice is like a whip on all your senses.
“My husband.” you cry, feeling the wave ready to drown you “Ñuha zaldrīzes.” My dragon.
You cannot care less about how you said it, because then your mouth falls open, nails digging into his shoulder while your trembling hips keep riding his fingers, clenching them like a vice.
Your head falls onward, leaning against his forehead, and you try to catch your breath. You watch his wet fingers go straight into his mouth while he looks at you, humming with pleasure. “You look so pretty like this.” he says with the ghost of a smile on his lips “I should fuck you in Throne Room with the whole court watching, so they know how pretty you are when you come for me.”
You laugh with your cheeks flushing, and he slides an arm around you, and you know he wants to pin you down on the bed and fuck you until you are muffling nonsense in the pillow. But this is not his game. This is yours, and even if you don’t know how to play, you will win.
“No.” you say, climbing down from his lap, and he looks at you with hunger and a tinge of thrilling curiosity. “It is my turn to claim.” You say with all the bravery you possess.
Not a moment later, you are going down on your knees.
Another small victory, because his eye widens as he had never done before, and you can see that this, the sight of you on your knees before him, is something he has been craving for, even dreamed of it.
His breathing is slow, and you are not even touching him.
You place yourself between his knees and you lean closer and closer, anxiety twisting your insides, but you want to do this. “Lykirī, nuha zaldrīzes. Surrender.” you take him into your hand, tugging slowly, and your lips linger on the tip, heart pounding in your ears and eyes fixed on him. “Lykirī.” You say one last time and then you are swallowing him.
He hisses loudly and his lips part, hands clutching the covers until his knuckles go white. He’s like burning metal inside your mouth—hot and hard. At first, you just taste him, running your tongue over the head, and he’s cursing under his breath. His hands twitch on the covers, restraining and restraining, but there’s no need. You take his hand while looking at him and you release it from your mouth to say “Teach me.”
It’s like you have just poured fire on more fire. His eye goes wild, he takes hold of your head and starts to guide you again, making your mouth engulf him once more and deep down to the base and then up to the tip again, filling the room with a wet gagging sound. You get the gist of what you’re supposed to do, so your head starts going up and down and up and down, and he actually moans for you, head falling back for just a moment before looking back, he can’t help but watch as you fiercely claim him.
You watch his chest heaving fast and your jaw is starting to hurt but you don't care, you are too absorbed by the view before you. You are too thrilled by the fact that, for once, you have made him speechless.
He's always so bold in the bedroom, so cruel in deciding when and how to give pleasure, and now he's utterly speechless. He can only curse without breath, and gasp and groan.
“Kelītīs.” he manages to say at one point, voice all husky and cracking. You don’t know that word, and you have no time to ask because in a blink, he’s slamming you onto the bed and he’s hiking up your skirt, but you get on your elbows pushing him on his back and climbing on him.
“I’m not done, valzȳrys.” you say feeling his hard length inflaming your core, so you lay your hips on it as firmly as possible. “I claimed, but I did not conquer.”
“You are fucking torturing me.” he points out, bucking against you.
“Conquests could last for centuries, dear husband. You above all should know that.”
“All I know now is that I need to fuck you.” he says placing both hands on the sheets to pull himself up.
“No, I will.” you promise, rocking your hips once more “This is my conquest, not yours.”
You keep rubbing your drenched core on his length until a sheen of sweat glistens on his forehead, and he's so hard he's leaking from the tip. "You are twisted, wife." he says with a dazed tone and you smile even if you can't take it anymore, but you rock some more, saying "I'm a quick study. And I'm learning from the best."
Finally, when you are so wet you are dripping on him, you raise just enough to slide his cock inside of you.
You gasp together and you brace on his shoulders to start moving. You both know you are not going to last long, so you start rocking your hips slowly, taking him to the hilt until you struggle for air.
“Move…” he orders but you just take the opposite road, slowing your hips in a delicious torturing way. “Do you know what else the Sages said? A rider must know their mount, feel their heat below them.”
But Aemond does not have a single drop of blood in his head right now to give you an answer, let alone play your game; he's just fire that burns and burns and burns and just like the Sages said, you can feel his heat, burning below and inside you. He grips your hips and starts to thrust inside you like the wild beast you are supposedly claiming, until you are moaning so loud your throat hurts.
“Yes—” he growls as you bounce on him “Just like that—you’re gripping me so well—fuck"
You both turn sloppy, a mess of sweaty limbs and teeth biting, clutching at each other with bruising grips, pulling at the roots of his hair when you’re about to fall from the highest sky.
"Come on, my sweet girl. Let go for me." he breathes into your mouth, forcing you to move even faster "Let go fro your dragon. Seal your conquest." And you do.
He follows right after, spilling inside while digging his teeth into your neck like fangs on a prey, muffling his loud groaning.
And you are smiling like a fool, a lovestruck fool, but most of all, a conqueror.
Thank you so much for reading!! 💞💞
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