#each act one song introduces you to a face level view of a family with breif intermission of the choir practicing for the concert

[tr0ubl3d-tr4n53nd3r]

If ride the cyclone is actually a trilogy and the third part is being worked on what would it be?

[canary3d-obsessed]

Restless Rewatch: The Untamed, Episode 23, second part

(Masterpost) (Other Canary Stuff)

Warning: Spoilers for All 50 Episodes!

Nature Abhors a (Power) Vacuum

Jin Guangshan, Nie Mingjue, and Lan Xichen have gathered to decide what to do about the remaining Wen people and also what to do about the Yin metal. They have not invited Jiang Cheng to this discussion, or blowhard Clan Leader Yao, despite those clans having been hit particularly hard by the Wens in the course of the war. 

The three of them have a conversation about what to do with the Wen captives, showing their different attitudes towards killing.

Jin Guangshan: Killing is awesome, particularly in project management. It's just so efficient. Nie Mingjue: Killing is necessary, and a little bit fun, too. Lan Xichen: Killing is necessary, sadly, but we can randomly spare some women or old people, as a token sign that we’re not monsters. Kind of like when you have a fancy dinner and include a tofu dish for the vegetarians. Nie Mingjue: Nobody likes tofu, Xichen.

Jin Guangshan says he's looking for the Yin Iron and that they can't let any Wens or "ambitious people" get a hold of it. By ambitious people he means Wei Wuxian, not himself and his murder kid. Lan Xichen realizes this right away but doesn't, you know, do anything to contradict him.  Jin Guangshan says he's asked "A-Yao" to look into it. Which is smart, because A-Yao is already in cahoots with Xue Yang, who actually has the piece of Yin Iron they're looking for.

Getting Jiggy With It

Then Jin Guangshan introduces Meng Yao, now renamed Jin Guangyao, in a weird twist on generation names. He has given him the name of a sibling or cousin of his own generation (starting with Guang), rather than a name of the next generation (starting with Zi). JGS says that JGY just recently learned about about being related to him, although we know perfectly well that's not true. 

And they both talk like he appreciates JGY's efficiency and helpfulness, but that's not why JGS has him at his side. He has taken him in because he is a steel-eyed murder bot, not in spite of it. 

(OP does not believe that Jin Guangyao could have been a good person if only his dad had let him hold Jin Ling that one time, as some have argued. Dude killed his own child because there was a chance he might be disabled in a way that could lead to gossip. Dude is a stone cold killer.)

(more after the cut)

In the language of CDrama costume (which is not, precisely, the language of actual historical clothing), Jin Guangyao has chosen to dress as a minister instead of as a chevalier. This is partly an artifact of his mother's ideas about a gentleman. It also suggests that he’s content with the sort of career that's available to a bastard of a noble house--not inheriting the noble title, but having enough favor to rise in power. 

It may also be a ruse to make him seem like he's not a strong cultivator and not a strong fighter, when in fact he is both, at least by the time he’s throwing death chords at Jiang Cheng, much later in the show. 

Mingjue makes all kinds of grumpy faces and snarky remarks to let everyone know that he fucking hates Jin Guangyao.  Xichen agrees to his “nice refugee camp with only a little death” plan, with no qualifications.

Now we get to see Jin Guangyao's manipulation of Lan Xichen. Lan Xichen says that Nie Mingjue wants a plan that’s more killy, because he believes in punishing evil. JGY deliberately misunderstands this, pretending that Lan Xichen said he, JGY, is evil, kind of forcing LXC to reassure him and take his side in an argument that isn’t actually happening. 

They have a little handholding while bowing, and then after Lan Xichen leaves, Jin Guangyao puts on his evil face and has all the prisoners killed behind the big closed door.  

This is done in such a violent fashion that the blood apparently flows up several stairs to the door, and over the tall raised threshold, before flowing downward toward the camera. Some evil is so extreme that even traditional Chinese doorway architecture can’t stop it.

Run To the Rock

Then we go outside to where Wei Wuxian is standing on a rocky outcropping, thinking it would be a good strategic spot to choose if he's ever in a battle where he wants to commit suicide right quick.

Lan Wangji comes to join him and admire the view, not knowing yet that this view, or one a whole lot like it, is going to be seared into his memory for most of his life.

Lan Wangji is becoming more and more committed to Wei Wuxian, more and more inexorably joined to him, but he still doesn't agree with him. So they each have this comfort in each others' presence at the same time as being massively in conflict.

Wei Wuxian asks him what he thinks of all the politicking and murdering. Who is good and who is evil? LWJ doesn't answer because WWX is leaking black smoke, so he grabs him and tells him to concentrate.  Lan Wangji is, incidentally, wearing Princess-Leia quantities of lip gloss.

Lan Wangji asks if Wei Wuxian would like to learn a new tune, "Absterge" according to Netflix. The fuck? [op looks it up in the dictionary]. "To cleanse, especially by wiping." Also known as aftercare. Netflix. Honey. This word is MIDDLE FRENCH. Will you knock it the fuck off?

So anyway, instead of answering his question about who is good and who is evil, LWJ asks if he wants to learn a song called "Cleansing." Wei Wuxian says “hey babe, are you fucking kidding me?” 

His actual words are "you doubt me too?" meaning "you think I also took the missing 4th chunk of Yin iron to make my ugly tiger amulet, rather than obviously having used that giant sword I pulled out of the turtle?"  

Lan Wangji mentally replays Wen Ruohan's questions in his head--the questions he barked at Wei Wuxian right before choking him unconscious--which Lan Wangji also feels entitled to know the answers to. Fuck you, Lan Wangji. He answers WWX with "when did you forge your amulet?" Which is his way of saying "yes, I doubt you."

Wei Wuxian kindly refrains from saying "while we were on a break, bitch" and instead tells him the exact truth--I found a yin iron sword in the turtle--but says it in his patented "make it sound like a lie" way. 

LWJ keeps grilling him, eventually coming out and saying dude, you knew the sword was Yin iron, why did you need to use it?

This is the crucial question--why WWX broke his first promise, to Lan Yi, which was to try to get rid of the Yin Iron. He won’t tell anyone the answer, which is that he needs to use it because he can't cultivate normally, because he lost his golden core. He made a lot of promises before that happened, and he probably expected to keep them. But without his core, everything changed; without his core, he’s a different person, so it’s maybe not fair to expect him to honor his previous promises. 

I’m reminded of my grandfather, who was the oldest son of an old southern US family, with lots of expectations as the firstborn. He went off to WWI as a soldier, expecting to die. He didn’t die, and so from that point on, he regarded his life as a gift. He felt could do whatever he wanted with it, and let go of expectations from before the war. He moved to Paris and took up with a glamorous divorcee 7 years older than him (my Grandma, eventually). 

The actual point of that story, other than OP having cool grandparents, is that when you think you’re going to die, and then you don’t die, your ideas about what you owe to people can change quite a bit. Wei Wuxian expected to die in the Burial Mounds; he expected to die at Nightless City; he expects it, over and over, and each time he doesn’t die, he gets further and further from being what everyone else wants him to be. And--a lot like soldiers returning from a war-- NOBODY in his life knows how to talk to him about it. 

Wei Wuxian tells Lan Wangji to back off, Lan Wangji says why aren't you letting me help you, and they are once again on the edge of the same fight they keep having. Lan Wangji does some impassioned arm holding while Wei Wuxian says he's not like Wen Ruohan. 

Romantic Duet #1

The argument is interrupted by screams and killing, so they go to check it out, and find the Jins hunting down some prisoners for sport. They arrive in time to save two people. Yay?

Jin ZIxun acts like a jerk, as always. The new element is that per Jin Guangshan, anyone concerned with Yin Iron shouldn't be alive.  He says that the Lan and Nie clans agreed, and challenges Wei Wuxian. Lan Wangji stops him from responding, grabbing his wrist.

The Jins leave and Wei Wuxian refers back to their earlier conversation, saying there will be more resentful spirits now and that "Rest" is the music to play, not "Cleansing."

He gives Lan Wangji a long look and then pointedly removes Lan Wangji’s hand from his wrist, by holding his hand, which is some next-level mixed signaling. Lan Wangji totally deserves it at this point, though. He keeps pushing and pushing WWX about his cultivation method, but he refuses to discuss the underlying morality of it, or the morality of the killing going on right in front of them. 

WWX walks off, leaving LWJ to stew in his own juices surrounded by a bunch of fresh corpses. 

Lan Wangji fails his saving throw against the guilt trip, and sits his ass down to play Rest, just like Wei Ying told him to. So switchy!  Wei Wuxian, out of sight but not out of earshot, hears him and accompanies him on Chenqing.

This scene is slightly ridiculous and a whole lot sublime. Ridiculous because it's their first time playing music together, so it's a super slow, romantic, extended scene, but they're surrounded by corpses. And not the helpful, friendly, third-wheel-on-a-date type of corpses.

It's sublime because the occasion of their first beautiful, literally magical duet is an argument. And they are joining together to play beautiful romantic music - as a service for the dead. And they are doing it while they are on literally opposite sides of a literal killing field. And Lan Wangji is sitting literally in the middle of a wide open road; the sort of road that they will both reject, metaphorically, later in the show. There is so much about their conflict and their journey that is encapsulated in this one musical moment.

Lan Wangji, by playing the song Wei Wuxian said was needed, is telling WWX that he took his words to heart, that he is listening, even though they're at odds.

WWX, by stopping and playing with him, is acknowledging this. And by settling the dead souls together, they are both reinforcing their dedication to doing what's right even as they both struggle with knowing what that is.

When Other Friendships Have Been Forgot, Ours Will Still Be Hot

Now we have the sworn brothers thing. I understand, plot wise, why this has to happen, but why would Nie Mingjue ever agree to this? Lan Xichen's puppy eyes are just that persuasive?

If they ever crack your spine, drop a line If they ever cut your throat, write a note If you’re ever in a mill and get sawed in half, I won’t laugh (HA HA HA HA)

Tedious Party Time

Now there's a cultivation party, which is about as excruciating to watch as it would be to attend.

Everyone is lining up to praise Jin Guangshan. To be fair, he did provide shelter for most of the smaller clans while the war was going on. So being grateful is appropriate, but Clan Leader Yao practically breaks his own neck kissing Jin ass. Yao says JGY’s contribution was the greatest of the war, adding, "fuck Wei Wuxian; everything is his fault."

The Jiangs show up wearing mourning belts that show off their itty bitty waists, and Jin Guangshan makes shifty eyes like a cartoon landlord when he sees them arrive.

JGS praises Jiang Cheng, and asks when his fancy clan-leader ceremony is going to happen. Jiang Cheng says he's still in mourning so it's not appropriate. JGS is like “Oh...yeah," as if he totally forgot about all the Yunmeng slaughter, and talks up his friendship with Jiang Fengmian. He acts comforting while WWX manages not to barf.

Then the Lan clan shows up and there is nice encouraging chit chat between LXC and JC...

...and just, SO MUCH mournful staring between Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian.

Then the Nies arrive.  Jin Guangshan tells Nie Mingjue he's late, and that everyone's waiting for him. That might be true in the script but it’s clearly bullshit on the screen, where the Lans and the Jiangs are still milling around looking for the coat room.

Nie Mingjue--who, let's remember, JUST swore to be brothers with Jin Guangyao--looks at him like he's something that fell off a garbage truck.  Lan Xichen jumps in to maximize the discomfort by pointing out that Jin Guangyao should address Nie Mingjue as Big Daddy Da-ge from now on.

Then the Jins offer Nie Mingjue the giant fire throne because...he's the leader of the Sunshot campaign, I guess? Of course it's all a manipulation tactic, designed to make him say he won't sit there, so that JGS can elevate himself to head cultivator, or something? And sit in front of the throne but not on it? Cultivator succession seems kinda arbitrary. 

I swear to god, it wasn't until I was clipping this episode that I realized Wen Ruohan had two thrones and they're in different rooms from each other.

Finally everyone goes to sit down, but because there hasn't been enough fucking awkwardness, JGY stops WWX to ask him what's on his mind. WWX asks him why he's not carrying his sword, which made me laugh and laugh. Wei Wuxian must have been just waiting for a chance to ask someone else that question for a change. 

Jin Guangyao says he threw it away, because it was just a random sword, but he really means he had it made into a sneaky murder belt, that he will be using again in 13 to 16 years. They both fake-laugh and trade Mean Girls insults pretend to like each other. 

Everyone wanders around toasting each other. Lan Wangji goes to find Wei Wuxian, after first making sure that his hair looks good.  

Wei Wuxian is lying around on the steps, sprawling and drinking wine, and not, incidentally, looking for Lan Wangji. He continues to not seek him out and Lan Wangji continues to chase after him.

Wei Wuxian says "how about playing Cleansing?" but Lan Wangji says he's learning a new score. It looks like it's going to be another argument, but then Wei Wuxian smiles and kind of praises Lan Wangji for being stubborn. 

Awkward Marriage Proposal

Just then everyone inside starts cheering for Jin Guangshan to give a speech. Jin Guangshan is making a move to marry Jiang Yanli to his son, which is a big time power grab, given that the Jiang Clan is 1. vulnerable and depleted 2. has control of the Yin tiger amulet.

We get a very rare glimpse into Jiang Cheng’s inner mind, where he thinks that saying yes isn’t a great idea, but isn’t sure what to do. This marriage would make his sister happy, but could destroy the Jiang Clan's independence.

Fortunately, Wei Wuxian joins the party just in time to fuck up Jin Guanshan’s plans. Will this teach Jin Guangshan not to invite Wei Wuxian to parties? It will not.  

Soundtrack: Friendship, by Cole Porter (from “Anything Goes”)

Bonus:

[twomoonstwosuns]

at first sight [bonus chapter]

back to you [series masterlist]

pairing: professor!poe dameron x reader

warning: none? language?

word count: 2.5k

a/n: well im sorry this took so long to get up...we are struggling hard right now. and if you are too, know you're not alone and we’ll get through this <3 stay tuned for this same chapter but from poe’s POV

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New year, new me. You told yourself the same thing at the beginning of each school year. 

Although it was usually just said on New Year’s Eve in preparations for the brand new year, you felt it applied to starting a new semester as well: new classes, new teachers, new schedule, new routine. It was also the beginning of your senior year of college, your last first day of school ever. So in a way, you were preparing for something new. You’d graduate before you knew it and then adulthood would creep up on you. 

But you could hardly wait to see what the next two semesters would bring you in the meantime. 

You made sure to leave your apartment early to stop at your favorite coffee stand in the student center. Waving at your friend Qi’Ra behind the counter, you got yourself in line and replied to your mom and sister’s happy first day texts. 

“I knew I’d find you here.”

The familiar voice of your best friend Karé made you smile and you squealed quietly as you hugged her. She had spent the night with her boyfriend Snap after being out of town the last week before school, so you hadn’t seen her after you moved in.

“I’ve missed you! How was your vacation?”

“Awesome as usual. Weather was amazing, we spent everyday out on the water. Snap’s sunburn is finally starting to heal.”

“God yeah, you sent me that picture of his back…that looked awful.”

She nodded. “He was all ‘oh, there’s lots of clouds in the sky, it’s not going to be that bad’ and now I get to hold this over him for the rest of his life.”

You laughed as she rolled her eyes as you finally got to the counter. Qi’Ra already knew your order by heart and, like the first day of every new semester, she gave you your drink free of charge. She whipped it up right away, handing it to you with the promise of getting together soon. You and Karé walked outside, the bright sunshine making your drink sweat and the both wish you didn’t have to spend the next couple hours stuck inside. 

“So, how’s the stuff with your dad going?”

You shrugged. “If I had spoken to him at all since he walked out, I’d have something to tell you.”

Karé’s shoulders slumped. “No…seriously?”

You sighed and nodded as you stirred your drink.

“Not one word. I told you my uncle came by a few days after he left to tell us he was okay?” Karé nodded. “A couple of weeks went by and the next thing I know, he’s filing for divorce. But he hasn’t actually talked to Tallie and I.”

“Y/N, I’m so sorry…”

You sighed heavily and shook your head. “It’s whatever. Nothing I can do. Haven’t talked to him since and he abandoned us for his secretary so I don’t plan on talking to him at all.”

Karé nodded slowly and reached over and squeezed your arm and you gave her a small smile of appreciation.

“Anyway…what class are you off to first?”

“My advanced math class.” You made a face and she chuckled. “Yeah, you’re not jealous at all, are you?”

“Not even a little bit.”

“What about you?”

“Oh, I get to start out my day with my half semester class…three hours, twice a week, tons of homework.”

“Fun. Who’s your professor?”

You grabbed your phone from your pocket, bringing up your schedule and looking at the details.

“Uhhh, Dameron. Heard of him?”

“I think he’s one of the newer teachers here.”

“Well, hopefully he’s good.” You took a sip of your drink and checked the time on your phone. “Guess I’ll go find out.”

“See you later, then.”

Karé gave you a quick hug and you walked in opposite directions. You walked to the building of your classroom and though you were grateful for the air conditioning, you hoped that since it was the first day you’d be let out early. The sun was out, flowers were still blooming along the sidewalks despite the late season. Fall semester was always the one you dreaded the most…stuck inside staring at four blank walls during your favorite kind of weather. 

The classroom was on the third level, which meant minimal traffic in the halls and big windows that showed a great view of campus. The blinds were open, allowing sunlight to flood into the room and making it that much more welcoming. A few students were already seated and the professor nowhere in sight but his stuff at his desk. You made your way into the room, not finding a friend yet, and walked to a seat right around the middle of the room. You took your things out and waited and scrolled through three different social media apps as more students trickled in. Your name was called and you looked up and saw a girl you worked with the previous semester and smiled as she sat down next to you. At least you kind of knew one person in the class. 

“Alright, let’s get started.”

One glance up at the source of the voice was not enough as you practically did a double take. Your professor was an extremely handsome man. Dark hair sat on top of his head in a mess of curls that laid just between styled and unruly. You could see from your seat that his eyes were dark…brown, maybe. He was young; you guessed that he couldn’t be more than thirty-five. As he came around from behind his desk, you took notice of the way his dark blue jeans fit snugly around   big thighs. His sleeves were pushed up to show off tan forearms and as he leaned back against his desk, he crossed his arms in front of his broad chest.

“Good morning, everyone.” Three simple words grabbed the attention of every girl in class. “I’m Professor Dameron. I hope you all had a great summer. I don’t know about some of you, but I am very excited to get this semester going.”

There was some polite laughter. He was using a light, friendly tone of voice, making sure his very first impression on people wouldn’t wasn’t a bad one. 

“Subject-wise, this is one of my favorite classes to teach. The only way I could get this class in this year was to teach it in half the amount of time as a normal class. I’m warning you now, this is going to be a busy class. We are fitting about fifteen weeks worth of stuff into seven weeks. Attendance is going to be very, very important.” 

Some of the students visibly gulped, others nodded slowly as the realization of how much work would have to go into this class started to sink in. “Don’t worry, I will have lots of resources to help you guys. Um, just an example…I will make all of the lectures and slides available on the portal after class, including any key notes from the textbook and discussions that come up during class. That being said, you still need to attend class. I’ll go over more of this when we go through the syllabus.”

You admired him as he spoke. The hint of smile on his face showed his excitement for the class and the new semester. His voice was smooth like honey and you were sure you could listen to him spout off the most boring stuff in the world and not tire of it.

“First things first…attendance.” He turned to grab his clipboard and you and the girl next to you both checked out his ass. “In lied of just calling your names, we’re going to do an icebreaker.”

The collection of heavy sighs made him chuckle lightly. “I know, I know…they’re not always fun and you’ll probably do a whole bunch more after today. Personally, I like to get to know my students. We’ll be spending a lot of time together this semester and the more comfortable you feel talking to me, the more open you’ll be to telling me what you need to help you succeed in this class. So, let’s do it and get it over with. Tell me your name, something fun you did over the summer, your favorite type of music and…what do you think? Favorite color? Favorite animal? “Let’s do favorite animal.”

Glancing around, you saw people look anywhere but at their teacher, hoping they wouldn’t catch his eye and make them go first. 

“Alright, come on guys, you’re acting like I’m going to pull your teeth out. I’ll go first. My name is Poe, this summer I visited my dad in Colorado where I grew up and saw friends that live on both coasts. I’m a big fan of classic rock but catch me jamming to a pop song every now and then…” That got some laughs from the class and he laughed with them. “Seriously, anything by the Weeknd.”

“The Weeknd has a lot of songs about sex,” the girl next to you whispered and you nearly choked as you took a sip out of your water bottle. 

“And my favorite animal is a dog. Alright, let’s start in the back.”

One by one students introduced themselves. He asked questions about their summer jobs and their summer vacations, genuinely interested in the details and making them feel comfortable talking to him. A couple of people named weird animals as their favorite, such as lizards and dinosaurs, that spurred further discussions and got the class completely off track. It was all fun and games until you got to your row and you counted how many people were before you and practiced what you would say in your head.

“Okay, um, I’m Y/N…” Poe looked at the attendance list, finding your name and marking you down in attendance. “I didn’t do anything super special over the summer, just worked my two jobs and went to the cabin with friends and family. I like pretty much any kind of music, as long as it’s got a good beat I don’t really care what genre it is…though I am a sucker for pop music sometimes. And my favorite animal is an elephant.”

Poe cracked a smile and you let out a quiet sigh of relief as the girl next to you introduced herself. As social as you were, you still hated speaking in front of a classroom full of people. 

“Okay, see? That wasn’t so bad.” Poe teased as the last person finished speaking. A few people laughed and you smiled. Almost an hour into class and you already knew this would be one of the classes you’d look forward to the most. “Let’s start going over the syllabus. I’ll have you pass these down and I’ll bring it up on the screen here…”

He handed a stack of papers to a student in the front row and they started passing them down. Poe went back around his desk and connected his laptop to the projector. The desktop image of a Corgi laying in the grass with a toy appeared and you along with half the girls in the class let out not subtle aww’s.

“That’s my dog, Beebs.” Poe smiled sheepishly when he noticed the screen had popped up.

“How old is he?” One of the girls from the back asked. 

“He’s probably three, three and a half…I rescued him as a puppy so I’m not too sure.”

More aww’s filled the room as he brought the syllabus up onto the screen. You grabbed one when it reached you and passed it along and a quick glance through the five pages showed the class schedule and detailed expectations. When everyone had a copy, he started going over it, talking about the schedule in extreme detail and laying out what a typical class day would look like.

Poe finished up the syllabus and gave you a fifteen minute break before diving into the first chapter. His teaching style was the dream, the way that every teacher should teach: not too fast, not too slow, answering every single question before moving on, and making sure everyone was keeping up. 

Despite it being a three hour class, you no longer dreaded it…you knew that Poe would do as much as he could to help you all succeed. 

“Alright, homework for Thursday: chapter two, print out the study guide and start working on it. We’ll finish our chapter one discussion then as well. You’re good to go.”

You gathered up your things, shoving them into your backpack and checking the time to see you had just enough to grab something to eat before your next class. You had just reached the top of the stairs when you realized you hadn’t put your water bottle into your backpack. Letting out an annoyed groan, you doubled back up the stairs towards your classroom. You snuck in past a couple of students that were just leaving and beelined for your desk, making Poe look up at you.

“Sorry, forgot my water bottle.”

You found it tucked under your seat and grabbed it, giving him a small smile as you passed to head back out the door. 

“Why elephant?”

Looking back at him, you saw an easy smile on his face. “Sorry?”

“You said your favorite animal was an elephant. Usually it’s household pets or animals that live in the forest…or apparently lizards and t-rex’s. Why elephant?”

You shrugged with a nervous smile. “I, um…I don’t know. I just think they’re beautiful and strong and they roll around in the mud and water and act like such babies…baby elephants actually suck on their trunks like babies suck on their fingers—“

“Do they?” You blushed hard, feeling like you just made a fool of yourself. “So you don’t just think they’re cute…you’re practically an expert on them?”

His tone wasn’t teasing like you expected, but instead curious at the knowledge you shared. 

“No, I actually saw that on one of those random Facebook videos.”

A heartfelt laugh erupted from his chest and you laughed with him. 

“I know what you’re talking about,” he said as he continued packing up his bag. “They’re those videos that are on random pages you liked years ago or from a news source…I’ve actually found some good recipes from them.”

“So you know. Random but good information.”

He nodded and you felt your phone buzz in your hand. You looked down at it and saw a message and noticed the time. 

“I should go, um I have class…I’ll see you around, Mr. Dameron.”

You gave him a small wave and internally cringed at yourself as you headed towards the door, the flush of embarrassment in your face.

It was going to be an interesting semester. 

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[theshoddypenmen]

2021 spring season anime spotlight: Shadows house

Being an avid anime fan, it is always safe to assume the following: things that are different and unique will always be looked upon in a positive light. After consuming as much Anime and manga content as I have, anything that makes me say to myself "I haven't seen this before", while still being abled to enjoy it makes any series worth noting. Combine all that with enchanting dark music and beautiful gothic scenes and undertones and you have the makings of A real quality project. Shadow house manages to provide us with all of the previous as well as a story so far that is as compelling as any show premiering this season and is a welcomed addition to my fandom archive Premise and plot so far Shadow house is centered around the concept of a royal family of shadow beings that are made of soot (gosh I love anime). The family seems to similar to a European nobility. The family resides in a massive estate with A large castle at its center. The shadow family is Served by its Army of very human looking " living dolls." The doll primary functions are to clean the enormous estate and generally be of service to there masters. Each living doll is initially assigned to a member of the family as their personal servant. The dolls job being to serve as the personal facial expression tool of their individual masters, since the shadows  do not have faces of their own. The story follows A newly activated living doll named Emilico. Emilico being a new doll must learn what it means to be a doll in the service of the members of the shadows family. Learning the proper ways to clean after there masters, as well as understanding the importance of being the emotional visual conduit for there specific charge. Eventually we come to understand that just like in real life nobilities, there is a interfamily rivalry taking place among the shadows. The viewer is taken on this journey of understanding the family political dynamic as well learning how the dolls work, how they are created and most importantly, what is the true purpose of these human like machines. Characters Shadows house introduces A wide variety of characters relatively quickly. There are many members of the shadow family that are living on the estate and even more living dolls serving them. The audience is introduced to several of the apparently young shadow family members and their personal corresponding living doll. The relationship between the shadow and doll seems to be a close intimate one, where the dolls primary job is to serve as the face of their shadow master. The dolls must act out the emotions and expressions of their shadow master, mimicking their masters poses as well. The relationships in the show are unique to each set of shadow and servant. while most dolls are totally sub servant to their master, the way each combination interacts is different. Some shadow masters are strict with their dolls, punishing and scolding them when they make the slightest misstep, other masters are lenient and try to teach their dolls gently to better serve them. There are masters who are open to there shadows inner thoughts and feelings, even to go as far to value the input and advice of their servant. while other masters only view their dolls as the personal loyal servant and value nothing from their doll other than complete obedience and fealty. The variety of characters and relationships are fun and a good way to make the story diverse. Music and visuals You just have to love a show that has style, and its probably safe to say that Shadow houses best trait is how stylish it is. The music in an anime is critical to an show at all levels. Whether its A suspenseful score playing underneath A pulse pounding scene, or the ending song to groove out to at the end, the music of the show is a big part of enjoyable it is. Shadows house is spot on with all of its sound selections. My personal favorite are the scores that play underneath some of the inner thought monologues of Kate (the protagonist shadow master) The combination of her voice and the track really enchants the audience and actually helps you focus on what she's saying and internalize it better. great Intro helps draw in and entice the audience right away, as well as sets the tone for the dark, mysterious, clandestine tale about to be told. Doing a good job of drawing in the audience, the  visuals for the opening are stylish and do a good job of showing how cool the shadows are in this show, as well as making you curious about elements in the story. The designs on all the characters and their  outfits are cool. the scenery and backgrounds in the scenes  are beautiful and immerse the viewer really well. Both ending and opening visuals are gorgeous and make them worth sticking around for every episode. I highly recommend this title from this spring season. Seems like a fun wholesome title to pick up. Im sure the manga is probably breathe takingly gorgeous and i am going to pick up this series when this anime finishes this season. Great work by Cloverworks studio this season ( even though im mad at you still about what happened with the end of promised neverland but....) and i hope anime fans pick up this title. Solid, interesting creative piece that i hope going forward we support titles like this.

[jjmaybanksblog]

Lost Sweater- Kiara Carrera

Kiara x female reader

Summary: Alternative Universe where when one person loses something, their soulmate receives it. 

Word count: 2,028

Warnings: None

B/N: Brother/ boy name

Y/N: Your name

Y/A: Your age

Soulmate. A simple word that brings many thoughts to the brain. Someone who you're supposed to spend the rest of your life with, happily. Someone who will treat you in ways you could only dream of. Many people believe in them, others don't. You grew up a non-believer never understanding why God would make something so amazing, such a difficult task for people. Your friends all around you had begun receiving their lost items, all of them meeting their soulmates, meanwhile you remained confused and alone.

You were a non-believer until one day your missing sweater wound up on your bed with a note attached to it.

"You must have misplaced this, I was confused when I was sleeping and the cotton fell on my face, fun fact I almost suffocated. Anyways, hi. This must belong to my soulmate, damn that's crazy. In my entire life I never believed in this shit, my parents telling me about how they met because my dad found and returned a necklace that meant a lot to my mom. I always thought it was bullshit until recently. Here's your sweater back, I 'lost it' throwing it out my window. I hope to hear from you soon.

Your soulmate"

You read the letter over and over as the thoughts finally sunk in. Maybe you wouldn't be alone after all. Gently biting your bottom lip, you suddenly felt a rush of adrenaline run through your body. You ran out of the room and into your brother's room.

He was sitting down at his desk when you barged in. He turned around towards you, only to be nearly tackled in a hug. "Who are you and what have you done with my sister. You barely hug me." B/N asked as he saw the letter in your hand. "Ohhh shit. You got your soulmate." He mumbled, putting the pieces together.

"I'm not gonna end up alone!" You smiled. Your brother knew of your fear. You had talked to him before, explaining your thought process about this all. You were afraid you would die alone, not knowing what it would be like to love and be loved. You knew it was irrational, but growing up you never pictured someone falling in love with you. You took it to heart so you just shut every romantic aspect out of your life.

Your brother congratulated you before you ran back into your room, writing on a lined piece of paper.

"Dear soulmate,

Wow. Just writing those two words felt foreign. Sorry about my sweater almost killing you, I'm just a clumsy person that loses things a lot, but I'm glad you're okay. I also was a non-believer. I always saw the people around me finding their soulmates and being happy, meanwhile I was in the corner watching all my friends find the one. For the longest time I was convinced that maybe I just wasn't meant to have one, but knowing you're out there makes me feel... safe. Attached to this note is a picture of me, I figured maybe if you're curious enough you would want to know what I look like. My name is Y/N I'm Y/A years old and I can't wait to find out who my soulmate is. Xx

Y/N

You took an image of yourself and stapled it to the back of the letter. Opening your window that led to her backyard, you grabbed a scrunchie and wrapped it around the note. You carelessly threw the note and picture out of the window and watched it effortlessly fly away in the night sky. You fell onto your bed, staring happily at your bedroom ceiling. 

Slowly drifting off to sleep, your eyes snapped open when you heard a soft popping sound echoed by your desk. Rubbing your eyes, you stood up and walked over. Another letter was displayed on the wood, you smiled softly as you sat down. Your eyes scanned the letter as you read it out loud.

Y/N,

Wow. Just wow. I can't even think of words to form right now. You're absolutely breathtaking. I'm not gonna lie I wasn't expecting a girl, but God, do I feel blessed knowing that you're my soulmate. Your letter and picture were actually soaking wet. But it smelled like salt water, so I'm guessing you live possibly on a coast. I live in the Outer Banks in North Carolina. When I got your letters it just smelled like home. I wanna go traveling, to you, out of the country, just explore new things. I totally understand how you felt about feeling like you're not gonna find a soulmate. I've watched more than half of my high school senior class find their soulmates during the year. Meanwhile I was acting like everything was completely fine and I wasn't distraught. I should be asleep right now, but I'm dying to talk to you. Get to know you. Later on if you'd like, I would love to call you. To hear your voice and your laugh. I think you should get some rest as well. I have no clue what time it is where you are but I want my love to be well rested. Goodnight Xx

Kiara Carrera

You flipped the paper around to see a beautiful mixed girl with carmel colored skin. Her hair was curly and beautiful, flowing from wind. Your eyes were drawn to her smile, you could tell she was laughing and you wished to be able to hear her laugh.

For days on end you and Kiara had been 'losing things' with letters attached to them. Tonight was the night where Kiara was going to call you. Both of you were on the edge of their seats, your hearts beating rapidly. Kiara's hands shook as she dialed your number, pausing between each number.

After what felt like forever, the phone began to ring. You audibly gasped at the sound of a bell ringing. You hesitantly picked up your cell phone that was placed on the bedside dresser. "H-hello?" You spoke into the phone. Kiara broke out in a grin, "Y/F/N, Y/L/N." Your name rolled off her tongue, goosebumps rising on your arms and back of your neck.

"Kiara Carrera" you spoke back, Kiara internally squeaking at the soft, velvety voice that spoke her name. "My god your voice.. okay I totally don't mean to sound weird but it's just so calming and relaxing. God okay wow hi, I never thought I'd see the day where I'd be on the phone with my soulmate." Kiara spoke as she nervously chewed her bottom lip.

"Honestly, me too. Growing up I always... ugh I don't mean to sound like I was sympathy or attention, I always grew up insecure and pictured myself as someone who could never be loved. And everyday I always saw or heard about people finding their soulmates in different ways. It went on for years and everyday I lost hope, but now I'm here talking to you and I feel nauseous, but in a good nervous way. Does that make sense?" You asked, rapidly shaking your leg.

"No I totally get it, I feel really hot right now mostly because I don't know what to say to you. Like my whole life I've planned on things to say but now that I'm talking to you I have no clue what to say or how to say it." 

Kiara threw herself on her bed, her smile never leaving her face as she closed her eyes, listening to your soothing voice. "So, tell me about Kiara, what it's like to live in the Outer Banks?" 

4 months later

After months of planning, you had managed to save up enough money for a plane ticket to OBX. You were currently walking off the plane and into the terminal, your heart beating a mile a minute. You stood to the side as you were about to text Kiara, asking where she was. 

That was until you locked eyes with the girl you'd recognize from the pictures. Kiara's heart felt like it was about to leap out of her chest as your eyes met. You held your suitcase tightly as you made a run towards your girl. 

You released your items mid run as you opened your arms out. With one swift motion Kiara picked you up in her arms, holding you close to her. Your legs wrapped around her waist as you held each other tightly. "You're real." Kiara mumbled into your neck as she held back tears.

You pulled away from the hug, your legs still around her torso. Her fingers brushed their way through your hair, subconsciously leaning into her touch. Kiara pecked your cheek as she placed you down onto your feet. Your hands intertwined as you guys walked to her car, your thumb rubbing over her knuckles.

They spent the car ride debating on which Beyonce song was truly the best. Kiara blasted the music as loud as she could take as she sped down roads to her house. 

She drove past the beach, your eyes not leaving the beautiful view in front of you. Your head was turned to the window as colors of the sand and the ocean blurred by. "You want to go?" Kie asked you as she saw you admiring the waves.

You were left speechless, only able to nod your head. 

As soon as they got to Kiara's house, her family was waiting at the door to be introduced. You felt an overwhelming amount of support from her family, none of them giving you attitude or being rude. No one was being homophobic, they were so welcoming towards you which made this day even better.

"Let's go get changed. Bathrooms down the hall and to the left." You dragged your suitcase behind you as you entered the bathroom. You quickly changed into a teal bikini, both pieces of fabric covering you properly, throwing on an oversized shirt for comfort. Kiara grabbed 2 towels and waited for you at this point her face ache from smiling but she couldn't stop.

You walked back out, giving your girl a thumbs up. Joining Kie in the car, she set off to the beach which was only 5 minutes away. It was currently 7:42 p.m. and the sun was beginning to set. The sky was painted in a mixture of purples and pinks, splashes of orange thrown into it as well. You laid down the two towels and sat down on one of them, patting the space next to you.

Kie sat down, instinctively wrapping her arm around you. You rested your head on her shoulder, sitting there in a comfortable silence. You were still in awe at the sight, the waves rising and then quickly falling onto the sand. This was everything compared to the beaches in New Jersey. The birds that flew above, diving down at any food they could find. The sounds of the waves crashing relaxed you to another level. 

"I can't believe you get to see this everyday." You whispered. "You could get to see it everyday too. Well, one day. Well only if you want of course." Kiara nervously stumbled on her words, not knowing how to recover from that. "I'd love that." You simply said, looking at her. The sunlight reflected perfectly off her skin, giving her a sort of Golden look. 

"Kiara?" You questioned, your eyes falling to her lips. "Hmm?" "Can I kiss you?" Kiara was taken back at your question, but immediately answered by moving in toward her. She leaned forward, her lips brushing against yours. You made the final move and pushed slightly so you two were finally kissing. Both of you melted into each other's touch as you smiled into the kiss. You two shared a passionate kiss for a few seconds before pulling away, your noses gently touching. You pressed a kiss to her nose as she shyly bit her bottom lip. 

You rested your head back on her shoulder, staring back into the sunset. "I'm really glad I lost that sweater." You admitted.

"I am too."

[iridescentides]

hi again dia! happy first day of december ❤️💚 i wanted to ask you what, in your opinion, are the 5 most underrated dcoms? i remember you saying before that you've watched all of them so i'd love to hear your opinions 😊 - 🎅🎁🎄

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH secret santa you are so good! asking me all the best questions 💜

okay so i literally had to make a list of all the dcoms i consider underrated and then narrow down a top 5. theres lots of dcoms that i love, but that i think got the right amount of attention and care (like lemonade mouth and the teen beach movies, for example), so this list just focuses on ones that deserved more hype for their quality level.

5. The Cheetah Girls: One World (2008)

okay so even as i type this i feel like a hypocrite. i have only watched this movie one time. BUT i can acknowledge that its one of the most criminally underrated dcoms ever, tons of people didnt watch it simply because raven wasnt in it. thats why i avoided it as a child, and i didnt get around to watching it until i did my big dcom binge in 2016. and it was so good. theres a really long post floating somewhere around tumblr full of specifics on why its actually the best cheetah girls movie (my favorite is the second one purely out of nostalgia), so to paraphrase some points from that post:

its a solid example of cultural appreciation, rather than appropriation, as the girls go and learn about bollywood and indian culture together

the indian characters arent treated like props or unimportant sides, they get their own agency and storylines that are important

the songs are good!!!

basically this movie was overlooked and slept on even though in terms of role modeling and social value, and just like the first two cheetah girls movies it was important and impactful.

4. Sharpay’s Fabulous Adventure (2011)

okay so as someone whos very neutral and occasionally negative-leaning towards the hsm franchise (mostly bc its overhyped and not really representative of all dcoms), i was pleasantly surprised by sharpays fabulous adventure. this is another one that i know lots of people skipped right over and dont hold with as much esteem as the main hsm franchise, and that doesnt sit right with me.

i do not agree with the “uwu sharpay was the real victim in hsm” arguments bc in their efforts to look galaxy brained the people who say that overlook the fact that she was a rich white woman who used her power and status to exercise control over opportunities that should have been fairly and freely available for all; they were not “making a mockery of her theater” in the first movie, they were literally just kids who wanted to try out a new school activity that everyone was supposed to be allowed to participate in; and despite allegedly learning her lesson and singing we’re all in this together with everyone at the end of the first movie, she literally showed no growth in the second movie as she fostered an openly hostile environment and favored troy so heavily that it literally cost him his friends, all as part of yet another jealous plan to take things away from people who already have less than her. she was NOT the victim in the main franchise, and she did not seem to exhibit any growth or introspection either.

and that!!! is why sharpays fabulous adventure was so important. in focusing on sharpay as the main character, they finally had to make her likeable. they did this by showing actual real growth and putting her outside of her sphere of influence and control. we saw true vulnerability from her, instead of the basic ass “mean girl is sad bc shes actually just super insecure” trope (cough cough radio rebel), and this opened us up to finally learn about and care about her character. throughout the movie we see her learn, from her love interests example, how to care for others and be considerate. she faces actual adversity and works through it, asking herself what she truly wants and what shes capable of. and in the end, when she finally has her big moment, we’re happy for her bc she worked hard to get there. she becomes a star through her own merit and determination, rather than through money and connections. this movie is not perfect by any means, but it is severely underrated for the amount of substance it adds to sharpays character.

3. The Swap (2016)

okay i know im gonna get shit for this but thats why its on this list!!! just like sharpays fabulous adventure, its not perfect and definitely misses the mark sometimes, but it deserves more attention and love for all the things it did get right!

the swap follows two kids who accidentally switch bodies because of their emotional attachment to their dead/absent parents’ phones. and while i normally HATE the tv/movie trope of a dead parent being the only thing that builds quick sympathy for a young character, they definitely expanded well enough to where we could root for these kids even without the tragedy aspect. we see them go through their daily struggles and get a feel for their motivations as characters pretty well. as a body switching movie, we expect it to be all goofy and wacky and lighthearted, but it moves beyond that in unexpected ways.

the reason the swap is on this list is for its surprisingly thoughtful commentary on gender roles. its by no means a feminist masterpiece, and its not going to radicalize kids who watch it, but it conveys a subtle, heartfelt message that deserves more appreciation. the characters struggle with the concept of gender in a very accurate way for their age, making off-base comments and feeling trapped by the weight of expectations they cant quite put their finger on. we watch them feel both at odds with and relieved by the gender roles they are expected and allowed to perform in each others bodies, and one of the most interesting parts of the movie to me is their interactions with the other kids around them. as a result of their feeling out of place in each others environments, the kids inadvertently change each others friendships for the better by introducing new communication styles and brave authenticity. 

the value of this movie is the subtle, but genuine way it shows the characters growing through being given the space to act in conflicting ways to their expected norms. ellie realizes that relationships dont have to be complex, confusing, and painful, and that its okay to not live up to appearances and images. jack learns that emotional expression is good, healthy, and especially essential to the grieving process. one of the most powerful scenes in the movie comes at the end where, after ellie confronts jacks dad in his body, jack returns as himself to a very heartfelt apology from his father for being too hard on him; the explicit message (”boys can cry”) is paired with an open expression of love and appreciation for his kids that he didnt feel comfortable displaying until his son set an example through honest communication. this is such an empowering scene and overall an empowering movie for kids who may feel stuck in their expected roles, as it sets a positive example for having the courage to break the restrictive societal mold. for its overall message of the importance of introspection and emotional intelligence, the swap is extremely underrated.

2. Freaky Friday (2018)

this is my favorite dcom, and probably my favorite movie at this point. ive always assigned a lot of personal value to this movie (and i love every freaky friday in general), for the message of selfless familial love and understanding. i know i can get carried away talking about this topic; i got an anon ask MONTHS ago asking me about the freaky friday movies and i wrote a super super long detailed response that i never posted bc i didnt quite finish talking about the 2018 movie. and thats bc on a personal level, i cant adequately convey all the love i have for this movie. so i will try to keep this short.

first lets state the obvious: the reason people dont like this movie is bc its not the lindsay lohan version. and i get that, to an extent, bc i also love the 2003 version and its one of my ultimate comfort movies, and grew up watching it and ive seen it a billion times. i even watched it a couple days ago. but the nostalgia goggles that people have on from the early 2000s severely clouds their judgement of the wonderful 2018 remake.

yes, the 2018 version is dorky, overly simplistic plot wise, a bit stiff at times, and super cheesy like any dcom. the writing isnt 100% all the time. the narrative takes a couple confusing turns. the song biology probably shouldnt have been included. i understand this. but at the heart of it all, this movies value is love. and its edge over all the other freaky friday movies is the songs.

on a personal level, the movie speaks heavily to me. i cried very early into my first viewing of the movie bc i got to see dara renee, a dark-skinned, non-skinny actress, playing the mean popular girl on disney channel. that has never happened before. growing up, i saw the sharpays and all the other super thin white women get to be the “popular” girls on tv, and ultimately they were taken down in the end for being mean, but that doesnt change the fact that they were given power and status in the first place for being conventionally beautiful. so, watching dara renee strut around confidently and sing about being the queen bee at this high school got to me immediately. and in general, the supporting cast members of color really mean a lot to me in this movie. we get to see adam, an asian male love interest for the main character. we have a second interracial relationship in the movie with katherines marriage to mike. ellies best friend karl is hispanic. and we see these characters have depth and plot significance, we see them show love, care, and passion for the things they value. the brown faces in this movie are comforting to me personally. additionally, the loving, blended family dynamic is important to me as someone in a close-knit, affectionate step-family.

but on a more general level, this movie is underrated for its skillful musical storytelling and the way it conveys all kinds of love and appreciation. in true freaky friday fashion, we watch ellie and katherine stumble and misstep in their attempts to act like each other. its goofy and fun. but through it all, the music always captures the characters’ intimate thoughts and feelings. the opening song gives us a meaningful view into ellie and katherines relationship and the fundamental misunderstandings that play a role in straining their connection. ellie sings about how she thinks her mom wants her to be perfect, and her katherine sings about all the wonderful traits she sees in her daughter and how she wants her to be more open and self assured. this is meaningful bc even as theyre mad at each other, the love comes through. the songs continue to bring on the emotional weight of the story, as ellie sings to her little brother about her feelings of hurt and abandonment in her fathers absence. the song “go” and its accompanying hunt scene always make me cry bc of the childlike wonder and sense of adventure that it brings. for the kids, its a coming of age, introspective song. for katherine who gets to participate in ellies body, its a reminder of youth and the rich, full life her daughter has ahead of her. she is overcome with excitement, both from getting to be a teenager again for a day, and from the realization that her daughter has a support network and passions that are all her own. today and ev’ry day, the second to last song, is the culmination of the lessons learned throughout the movie, a mother and daughters tearful commitment to each other to love, protect, and understand one another. the line “if today is every day, i will hold you and protect you, i wont let this thing affect you” gets to me every time. even when things are hard and dont go according to plan, they still agree, in this moment, to be there for each other. and thats what all freaky friday stories are ultimately about.

freaky friday 2018 is a beautiful, inclusive, subversive display of familial love, sacrifice, and selflessness, and it is underrated and overlooked because of its more popular predecessor.

1. Let It Shine (2012)

this is another one of my favorite dcoms and movies in the whole world. unlike the other movies on this list, it is not the viewers themselves that contribute to the underrated-ness of this movie. disney severely under-promoted and under-hyped this movie in comparison to its other big musical franchises, and i will give you five guesses as to why, but youll only need one!

let it shine is the most beautifully, unapologetically black dcom in the whole collection. (i would put jump in! at a notable second in this category, but that one wasnt underrated). this movie was clearly crafted with care and consideration. little black kids got to see an entire dcom cast that represented them. the vernacular used in the script is still tailored mostly to white-favoring audiences, but with some relevant slang thrown in there. in short, the writers got away with the most blackness they were allowed to inject into a disney channel project.

the story centers on rap music and its underground community in atlanta, georgia. it portrays misconceptions surrounding rap, using a church setting as a catalyst for a very real debate surrounding a generational, mutlicultural conflict. this was not a “safe” movie for disney, given its emphasis on religious clashes with contemporary values. it lightly touches on issues of image policing within the black community (cyrus’s father talking about how “our boys” are running around with sagging pants and “our girls” are straying away from god), which is a very real and pressing problem for black kids who feel the pressure (from all sides) of representing their whole race with their actions. its a fun, adorable story about being yourself and staying true to your art, but also a skillful representation of struggles unique to black and brown kids and children from religious backgrounds.

on top of crafting a fun, wholesome, thoughtful narrative and likeable protagonists, let it shine brought us what is in my opinion the BEST dcom soundtrack of all time. every single song is a bop. theyre fast, fun, and lyrically engaging. “me and you” is my favorite disney channel song of all time due to its narrative significance; i will never forget my first time watching the movie and seeing that big reveal unfold onstage, as a conversation and a plot summary all wrapped into a song. the amount of thought and care that went into the music of this movie should have been rewarded with a level of attention on par with that of other musical dcoms.

if disney channel had simply cared about let it shine more, it couldve spanned franchises and sold songs the way that other musical dcoms have drawn in success. i would have loved for a sequel that explored and fleshed out cyrus’s neighborhood a little bit more, and maybe dipped into that underground scene they caught a glimpse of. i wanted a follow up on the changed church community once cyrus’s father started supporting his sons vision. i want so much more for these characters and this world than disney gave them in just one movie.

for its bold, unabashed representation of blackness and religion, subtle, nuanced presentation of race-specific issues, strong, likeable characters, and complex, thoughtful songs, let it shine is the most underrated dcom.

and because i made a full list before i started writing this post, here are some honorable mentions:

going to the mat (2004)

gotta kick it up! (2002)

tru confessions (2002)

dont look under the bed (1999)

invisible sister (2015)

[anhed-nia]

HER SMELL

This is awful.

I always bump things up to 2 stars on Letterboxd if they are technically competent, which is the nicest thing I can say about HER SMELL. When the trailers circulated for this movie, I was a little intrigued, if only because I couldn't imagine why anybody would make it. When is the last time grunge felt new and exciting to anybody? Who is demanding a revival of the exhausted (and exhausting) Courtney Love archetype? What has Elizabeth Moss, who I actually like, ever done to make anybody think that she's a good candidate for the role of a violently self-destructive rock star? Why would anybody ever, for any reason, name anything something as off-putting as HER SMELL?

While I was waiting for the movie to come out, I made up a bunch of answers in my mind. I can only assume that the persistence of the MeToo movement was enough to convince filmmaker Alex Ross Perry that riot grrrl was ready for reexamination. Elizabeth Moss has had so much success in various cramped, internalizing dramatic roles (indlucing in Perry's QUEEN OF EARTH) that it's easy to imagine her seeing the character of histrionic rock casualty Becky Something as a great opportunity to show her range. HER SMELL is a frankly terrible title, but if I stretch my mental muscles, I can sort of see it as evoking the experience of being so intimate with someone that even their animal emanations arouse feelings of love. So like, this is probably a movie that is not only about an artist's fall from grace, but also about their inner beauty, and the enduring memories that keep someone in your heart, no matter how badly they hurt you. Right?

If there is a reason that grunge goddess Becky Something, frontwoman of the fictional legendary girl band Something She (a name at least as bad as HER SMELL), has remained in the hearts of her bandmates, family, and producer, that reason remains a mystery by the end of the movie. The uninspired soundalike songs of Something She do nothing to convince the viewer of the band's unique place in music history, and Elizabeth Moss's anonymous vocals provide no further favorable evidence. This entire component of HER SMELL, which should be doing a lot of heavy lifting, seems to have been put together by someone from the "my kid could do that" school of punk appreciation: the less effort and ability, the better. (I don't know the modern rock band Bully, whose founder is responsible for this, and I don't care to learn more about them as of this viewing)

101 level musicianship and no-fucks-given singing work ok if they're supported by powerhouse personality, but Moss--who could NOT be more miscast--and the script, are not up to the task. HER SMELL is composed of four sustained acts: the series begins with 5 or 6 people slurring and screaming at each other indistinctly, and eventually distills out to the disastrously high singer delivering humiliatingly frothy monologues, which I had the perturbing sensation are supposed to sound Shakespearean. Psychological depth is substituted throughout by extreme closeups of the acne-ridden faces of our long suffering heroines, producing scenes that, without any dramatic substance, represent some of the most brutally and needlessly unflattering images of actors that I have ever seen in my life.

HER SMELL provided me with an interesting challenge only in the way that sometimes, it is hard to argue why some movies are "hypnotic tone poems" while others are "meandering and pointless"; some characters are "complex antiheroes" while others are simply "unsympathetic". Movies that have an unconventional structure, or that push boundaries of taste, can often land you in that unsatisfying "I know it when I see it" territory, when you argue for their artistic merits. I like, nay, LOVE a lot of movies about undesirable protagonists negotiating vague, tortured dramas. HER SMELL is not one of them. The condescending music and lack of support for Becky Something's importance are enough to kill the picture, but on top of that, there is no central metaphor. Toward the very end, Becky introduces her private fear that she would some day die on stage, which could provide a handy simile for the way that the rock'n'roll lifestyle often eats people alive. Unfortunately, in this case, it's too little too late, and honestly, nothing could justify the agonizing hours (it feels like) spent waiting to see if Becky will ever take the stage, if she will ever get back in the booth, if she will ever pick up an instrument, as we watch her flail around sweatily, spouting lines that are just reiterations of one another, rather than expansions on an idea.

As I suggested, the movie is sort-of stylishly shot, and sort-of interestingly produced. It's sort-of cool that Eric Stoltz and Virginia Madsen lend a touch of '90s B-movie royalty to this quintessentially '90s story. Also, I sort-of like Keegan DeWitt's weird ambient score, which sometimes seems non-diagetic, and sometimes sounds like rumbling of noise from a neighboring room. Thusly, HER SMELL has cornered me into a two star Letterboxd review. But only grudgingly.

[nebulous-wanderings]

ALIVE Stage Episode 1 Report

I was able to go to the first four performances of Ivesta Episode 1 from May 15 to 17! I won’t spoil the story or any plot points, but I will be talking about some funny moments, the daily (higawari) scenes, the curtain calls, and the dance live. These will be behind the cut. I’ll cover the things I mentioned in my twitter thread and more~ Sorry for any typos, I typed this on my phone on the plane ride home.

Synposis:

The cast of Episode 1 consists of Growth, ZIX, and some original characters. This play focuses on Mamoru and was a great introductory show for Ivesta. It was a good mix of comedy and low-stakes drama, so it was lighthearted (although some people did cry when it got heartwarming and wholesome). The main motifs were wisteria flowers (Mamo’s family name contains the kanji for wisteria = 藤) and Growth’s tagline in their logo, “Let us go singing as far as we go, the road will be less tedious.”

TLDR: You should buy the BD/DVD when it comes out because Ivesta is so wholesome and the dances are super impressive, unlike anything Tsukista or SQS has done before. The acting was good and it’s a great into to Growth!

The Stage Design:

It was a relatively small theater, but that meant any seat was a good seat to view the stage. The stage itself was kind of trapezoidal shaped because it’s tucked into (what would be) the corner of the venue space. The stage had a lot of tiers and stairs, but the main flat area was large enough for the dances. It was also pretty close to the seating level, only about 2ft off the ground. Since the first row was only 4ft from the edge of the stage, those people sitting in front wouldn’t have to tilt their necks up to view the stage.

The Acting:

I’m not a native Japanese speaker so I can’t fully judge the acting/intonation but it wasn’t cheesy or bad! Some of the backup dancers actually played characters in the play part, and their acting was good.

Ishiwaka Sho was a cute and peppy Kensuke! His voice is also surprisingly high, just like Yamayan’s, so it fit the character perfectly. He talked kind of fast during the MC parts and also would forget it was his turn during the MC, so I would say he was the most nervous that I could tell. Mitani Reo as Ryota was amazing! At first I thought he didn’t fit Ryota’s look that much (I had high expectations since Ryou is my favorite member) but I’ve gotten used to seeing him as Ryou, and his acting is ON POINT. He plays up the bitter/sarcastic parts of Ryou so well and is hilarious. Shiozawa Hidemasa was a calm and collected Koki, but I could tell he wanted to act out of character more since Kou is a very subdued person. For example, he always had a lot of fun in the higawari parts which I’ll talk about later. He was a great leader and had command of the crowd as a leader should. Iwasa Yuki made the stage Mamoru a very puppy dog-like and happy person. Personally, I always thought of Mamo as a more reserved person, but Yuki would always be waving really cutely to the crowds with a big smile. As the main character of the play, Yuki did an amazing job and I’m looking forward to how he’ll play Mamoru in the future!

The Dancing:

Let me just start by saying Ivesta has some of the most technical and complicated dancing in all of Tsukista/SQ Stage. Even the solos all had proper choreo with footwok and wasn’t just the usual waving/walking around like Tsukista has. I’m so glad I got to see the dancing live be sure it was amazing. When the disc version comes out I want to learn the dances because they’re legit. The dancing is characterized by a lot of hand/wrist movements, leaping, and grace.

The play started with a mini live where Growth performed the short versions of “Mahou no Kizuna” and “Fushichou no Nebula” then ZIX performed “Brilliant” and “BML.” This was ZIX’s only dance performance since they’re not in the dance live. Their songs have that edgy/sexy vibe and the dances mirrored that perfectly.

The setlist for the dance live was as follows: “Mahou no Kizuna”, “My Gloria,” MC, “Rada Kiana,” “Jiyuu no Tori,” “Planetaria,” “Amaki Kaze no Primula,” “Lila no Shirabe,” “Re:raise,” “Lucretia,” MC, and “Parallel Lineage.” (That’s all the songs but I may have switched the order of one of the unit songs)

I raved about the overall dancing already, so I’ll just point out some specific stuff. Reo is the best dancer out of the other three Growth members, not that any of the other guys are bad, but he has way more experience. He’s been a dancer for a while and is the main dancer in his idol group. My favorite performance is “Rada Kiana.” It starts with the spotlight shining on each member in succession while they do some solo moves and it looks really cool. It had some salsa-like hand and hip movements that fit the tone of the song. The “la da di la” parts also have amazing hand movements and Hide’s expressions during that part we’re so sultry~

Another memorable song is “Jiyuu no Tori,” especially the outro (around 3:53 of the song) where they do some contemporary hip-hop stuff when the beat is really kicking in. Reo was amazingggg!! Look out for him in this part of the song on the disc cuz damn, you’ll be impressed.

—————-

From here on, I’ll be relying on the list of memorable parts I wrote in my Twitter thread and try to elaborate on them. It will contain spoilers about some scenes!

General:

They do the lightning crackle effect when Ryota and Mitsuru are starting each other down on the TV program (just like in the anime)

Mamoru inhales (huffs) his pachira to give him strength and energy, then Ryou and Ken walk in like “wtf are you doing” lol.

Mitsuru refers to Ryota as the “Sakuraba-rrier” (get it? sakura barrier?) since he protects Koki (Ryou’s last name is Sakuraba), and Mitsuru’s nickname for Kensuke is “Yaegashi Ken” and does little doggie paws since “Ken” can also mean “dog.”

Each Growth member eventually receives a head pat from Koki at different points in the play

Mamo’s headpat scene is where Kou is trying to reassure him and their faces were so close - I’m pretty sure all the Kou/Mamo people in the audience got nosebleeds. Ken breaks it up though by saying something like “now’s not the time for the story about the dog and his master.” xD

For some reason, the MC before the final song never goes perfectly lmao. Either Sho will forget to say his line or they get sidetracked lol.

The Growth call and response they came up with for the stage play was to repeat the flower/plant-based kanji that’s in their names. Mamo and Kou have 藤 (fuji/wisteria), Ken has 樫 (kashi/evergreen), and Ryota has 桜 (sakura/cherry blossom). Then at the end, Kou says “Fan no minna to-” and the audience responds “issho ni Growth!” (“Together with all the fans, let’s grow!”)

May 15, Evening:

The higawari is about Mamoru going to the Lost and Found at a train station to look for his phone. The person playing the station attendant and the 2 guests change each show. For the first show, it was Reo/Ryou as the station attendant. One of the props he pulled out from the lost and found bin was a basketball and Reo got to show off his hidden talent of being able to spin and hold basketball on his fingertip. He even transferred the spinning ball to Yuki/Mamo’s hand~ The two guests were Sho/Ken and Hide/Kou as street performances. Sho kept yelling at Mamoru about soul music and then pulled out some buckets to play the drums on (he was really good!)

During the last song, the cast all go out into the aisles and do the usual high-touches and waves. I was sitting one seat in from the aisle, and Yuki came down and touched my hand!! Unfortunately I missed Reo who came from the back doors…

The first show’s curtain call had each Growth member say a message. Sho went but forgot to introduce himself and mention his name - he went straight to “thanks for coming today,” etc. So when he finished and it was Reo’s turn, Reo said “How can I go when this guy didn’t even say who he is?” Then at the end, Hide forgot to pause so everyone could say “arigatou gozaimasu” together so halfway through him saying it himself he stopped and was like “wait…” lol.

May 16, Afternoon:

This higawari had Hide/Kou as the station attendant. One of the props was a plunger, and I forget if there was another prop or not. The guests were Takuto/Makoto from ZIX and two of the original characters. They had sunglasses and suits on and were some kind of dancers. I’m not 100% sure what they were referencing, maybe that World Order dance group?

May 16, Evening:

I sat in the second row for this performance and it was so close to the stage! During one performance of Mamo’s solo, “Re:raise,” the bead sash that’s draped over his left shoulder ripped off from being whipped around and the beads spilled out onto the stage. It happened right at the “Zenzen…” line of the last chorus since he has a move where he turns his shoulder really quickly. Even though I was super close to the stage nothing hit me, but I think some beads could have hit the people in front of me. Yuki and the dancers kept going as usual, so that was good. I was just afraid someone might trip since the beads were round. After Mamo’s solo the rest of Growth comes out to do “Lucretia,” and I could see them eyeing the beads a little while taking their places. After that is the MC and after saying his lines Hide went to tell someone backstage about the beads (his mic was still on a little lol). The dancers came out and started to pick up the beads while Growth continued the MC. One of them even used a small vacuum lmao. Growth were joking around about it though, and no one got hurt so things continued as normal. After the show I picked up one of the beads that hadn’t gotten cleaned up from the floor:

The higawari was Ryou as the station attendant again. The first prop was a notebook that he called the “Ikemen Note” (like Death Note). If you write someone’s name inside they become an ikemen. Ryou wrote Mamo’s name inside and then Mamo acted all ikemen-like until Ryou was like “nevermind, it’s not real” lol. The second prop was a foam sword and Ryou acted like a clothing store workers saying, “This is a size small, it’ll look good on you!” The guests were ZIX in their animal fur suits (the costume they wear when doing that fortune telling segment on TV). Makoto had Mitsuri on a leash, but I couldn’t hear what they said they were exactly. Makoto kept trying to get Mitsuru to talk, but he mostly made animal noises lol. Then they played a game with Ryou and Mamo (not sure of the name). Basically everyone crouches with their head down and they take turns guessing how many of the four of them will stand up. When the person guessing calls out, the other players decide if they want to stand or stay crouched. If the person guesses the right number of people standing they win. Only Mitsuru was able to guess correctly because he said “1 person” and he was the only one that stood up lol.

During the last song, I was able to get another high touch from Yuki (this time with my other hand lol). I wasn’t even sitting in the aisle, I was 4 seats in, but he gave high touches to everyone on my left and was about to turn away but I decided to reach out too~ Then he saw me and reached over to give me a high touch~

That night it was Reo’s turn to do a curtain call message. He said he loves the story and the message of Episode 1. He tried really hard not to tear up and stopped to compose himself. Hide even gave Reo a small hug every time he stopped, but eventually the tears came… Reo said he wasn’t expecting to tear up like that, but he’s super happy to be able to be in Ivesta. (Y'all I can’t believe I got to see Reo cry from that close lol)

May 17, Afternoon:

This was the last performance I saw. The higawari had Kou as the station attendant, but I forget what props he had that time. The guests were one of the original characters plus Shoon wearing glasses and lab coats. They said they were from the “Kyun Lab” or something. Their segment consisted of saying a comforting line to Shoon who acts as someone worried about something, and the point is to be heartwarming and make their heart “kyun” (squeeze). The side cast member said an example line, then Mamo went and said something like “Don’t worry because I’ll always be by your side” and it was cute. Then Hide/Kou, who had been just sitting and watching, gets dragged to his feet by the other guys. He doesn’t want to do it and was like “yada yada~” but the audience cheered him on. I don’t think he was prepared or expecting to have to say a cute line too lol. I forgot what the line started with, but he ended with “I’ll give you a hug” and hugged Shoon from the back.

ZIX was in charge of the curtain call and we’re really cool. It was nice to be able to hear from Takuto and Riki. Takuto then suggested Hide should do ZIX’s cutesy/embarrassing fortune telling pose and Hide was like “uhhhh” but of course the audience wanted to see that so he said yes. Riki told him to choose another Growth cast member to do the pose with and OF COURSE he picked Reo (cuz Ryota hates ZIX lol). Reo tried to walk off stage saying “oh look, it’s time for me to go” but the other cast stopped him lol. Hide and Reo reluctantly said the line ZIX says which is something like “Happy ni naremasu you ni, sunny na egao de lucky day ♪” and did the pose. The sound board staff even played the little sparkle sound that plays when ZIX does the pose on TV lmao. Reo looked up to the 2nd floor where the sound board was and was like “you better watch yourself” lol.

After the final bow when Growth says their last goodbyes, Reo took his glove off with his teeth before disappearing backstage and the crowd went WILD (including me). Yuki was like “umm idk how to follow that…” but did his usual cute Mamoru waves and had a big smile. Sho had left the stage first so he didn’t see the glove thing lol. Hide was the last to leave. He stuck his hand inside his jacket and “pulled out” a finger heart which was cute~

[ahopefuldoubt]

Scene Analysis: “Deliver Us”

originally posted in 2016 [x].  requested by somehow-you-will.

Childhood memory is a major theme in The Prince of Egypt.  Rameses is haunted by his father’s legacy and abusive words; he’s motivated by his fear of being the weak link in the chain.  Moses is able to whistle and recognize the lullaby he heard when he was just an infant.  Indeed, the day that Yocheved surrenders Moses remains with Miriam and Aaron, too, impacting them in very personal, and unique, ways.  Yocheved’s memory is preserved, her role centralized, both in her children’s ability to recall these early events and in her song, which forms a motif.

It makes sense, then, that Yocheved is the first of the family we see, and hear.  The movie introduces her, and as she passes in front of the camera, her dress sweeps across like a curtain to reveal Miriam and Aaron.  Finally, she unwraps Moses from the veil in which she has been desperately hiding him.

Right away, we’re able to identify this beautiful person as a mother: It is she who ushers her children — our protagonists — into the story.  A symbolic birth, which occurs in the order of their birth.  I think this is significant, for age also affects what they are able to understand and remember about the day.

Miriam is first, and in her close-up she follows her mother’s movements with a quiet, focused expression.  In fact, attentive is a word that describes the entire family; certainly in this scene, but throughout the film as well.

Even as a child, Miriam’s vision seems clear and her devotion strong; though at this point, she is observing Yocheved’s lead, awaiting her mother’s signals.  The “River Lullaby,” with all its prophetic power, has not yet been passed to her.  Already, though, she’s concerned for her baby brother and cognizant of the violence around them — perceptive, also, of the terrible whys and the gravity of their situation.  The way she stares after the Egyptian guards, and looks over her shoulder at the place they’ve fled, double Yocheved’s actions.  As much as these two are reacting in worry and fear to the events, they are doing whatever they can to act upon them.

When I watch this part of the movie, I’m struck by how well “Deliver Us” constructs Miriam’s understanding and her role in both the story and her family.  As the sibling who watches over Moses as he’s carried on the Nile and embraced by his adoptive mother, she becomes the only one who can tell him about his history.  This full experience also supports her sense of optimism and faith; hope is grounded in her memory.  So, she is very much a mother-figure to her two brothers: their source of information, comfort, and a firm but gentle love.

At the same time, the prologue sets up the obstacle in Miriam’s story.  She has the most complete memory, but what she doesn’t know, and does not expect, is that Moses was never told about his origins.  I think this point of shock and disappointment is key, and it’s why I view the scene by the well as an important deconstruction of all three siblings’ childhood memories.

Meanwhile, Aaron’s attentiveness is characterized differently.  In the very first frame, he’s shown gazing after his mother, a question silently forming in his eyes.  The way he quickly turns towards Miriam also speaks to the kind of relationship they have, and will maintain.  Throughout “Deliver Us,” Aaron’s expressions and body language betray a sense of insecurity, which I feel is partly due to his age.  He might be able to obey his mother’s cues, but unlike Miriam, he can’t fully grasp the situation, and his memory is confused, particularly traumatic, as a result.

This vulnerable position is reinforced by the physical contact Aaron keeps with his mother; for instance, he stays by her, and later appears to reach for her hand as they near the river.  Similarly, there are a number of times where Yocheved lays her hand on his head or at his back.  At one point, while they’re still rushing through Goshen, Aaron’s feet carry him a bit too far ahead of his family, and Yocheved pulls him back before he can be seen by the guards.  Her instinct to protect her second-youngest child shines here (she also checks to make sure Miriam is with them before they all set off again).  For the rest of the sequence, it seems like Aaron trails behind Yocheved and Miriam.  I’m not sure if this was a conscious choice made by the animators.

[He’s honestly the cutest, though.  And his hair just kind of sticks up all over the place?]

It’s interesting to me that Aaron’s closeness with their mother is not captured in Moses’ hieroglyphics dream.  Instead, Miriam is holding Yocheved’s hand the entire time.  I like that this shows Moses’ perspective — linking the two women — as well as how subjective dreams can be.

The opening of the film pays special attention to Miriam’s reactions and expressions.  This is critical on a narrative level because she is a central character; as viewers, we need to be able to read her, and understand her connection to Moses.  By contrast, there are more shots of the back of Aaron’s head and fewer direct angles on his face, which tend to obscure our understanding of how this experience is affecting him.  However, it’s really his body language here, along with his general inclination towards skepticism later, that provide the insight we need.  The day is a cruel one, and because he gains no concrete confirmation of Moses’ survival, Aaron’s memory affords little more than chaos and uncertainty.  His reaction upon meeting his brother by the well follows suit with what he can — and cannot — remember and trust.

The difference in focus between Miriam and Aaron also reflects their own dynamic.  She’s the older sibling, and even as children in this scene, she leads (her perspective is more visible) while he follows (his more hidden).  Miriam is the answer to Aaron’s questions.  The certainty to his doubt, in a thematic and personal sense.  There is a moment at the riverbank where Aaron takes Miriam’s hand, and she tugs him forward.  I wonder if he’s holding her hand to reassure her as much as he is seeking comfort for himself.  Or, if he’s (quietly) asking her to move closer.  Regardless, it’s a sweet little interaction that unfolds naturally…

I love how “Deliver Us” is able to establish their bond through visual, rather than verbal, means.  Aaron grows up to be so protective of Miriam, yet he will always be her younger brother, one who has faith in her.  There’s a balance — a constancy and mutual reliance — to their relationship.  They look out for one another, and I think this is clear from the start.

In this analysis, I don’t mean to ignore or downplay the devastating loss happening in this scene.  Many families, including this one, are being torn apart, destroyed.  According to the art book for The Prince of Egypt, the creators took great care in emphasizing childhood memories*.  Even having Moses carry with him a subconscious memory of the “River Lullaby” feels right, authentic.  An affirmation, perhaps, of his lost blood ties.  He and his siblings have different recollections of this painful day, and what I believe “Deliver Us” really accomplishes is laying out, wordlessly**, and for all of them, their connections to the past, to each other, and to their mother.

* The Prince of Egypt: A New Vision in Animation by Charles Solomon, p. 36

** Spoken dialogue-lessly :)

Last edited: 9/26/16

[dprdabin]

DPR: ‘We Did this Ourselves From the Ground Up’

From a hit debut album to an upcoming world tour, producer DPR REM and artist DPR LIVE talk about their hip-hop crew’s ambitions and expansion plans

Talking to the members of DPR is almost always like a productive frisson that leaves you breathless and excited for the things to come. On the day we chat, the voices of producer Scott Kim—better known as DPR REM—and Hong Dabin, aka DPR LIVE, crackle through the phone on a fine Seoul evening, merging together in waves of introspection and quiet, focused ambition. They’re gearing up for their first world tour, but also trying to wrap their heads around the fact that it’s finally happening.

“Everything is just still so surreal for us. It’s not like we’ve done this in a past life or we had experiences in other entertainment companies. This is all ‘Do It Yourself’, like DIY,” says DPR REM. “Every day is a new experience and a new journey, and I think this world tour is one of the biggest steps we’ve taken in that direction.”

On the off chance that you’re a stranger to DPR, short for Dream Perfect Regime, it’s worth noting that ‘Do It Yourself’ is the cornerstone of the septet’s philosophy. The crew, which has morphed into one of the most prominent and creative voices to emerge from the Korean hip-hop scene, is a completely organic and independent effort–a rare feat in South Korea’s label-saturated music industry. They first gained prominence through their captivating and cinematic visual output which included music videos for K-pop acts such as Big Bang and MOBB, courtesy of in-house director and free-spirit extraordinaire, Christian Yu (known as IAN within the collective.)

Rapper DPR LIVE, essentially the face of the collective, is both a founding member and their first formal artist. LIVE started out by uploading his music on YouTube and eventually commanded people’s attention through his tightly packed, spitfire rap on the viral collaborative 2016 hit “Eung Freestyle.” Then in 2017 came Coming To You Live, his debut EP featuring an impressive roster of collaborations and an even bolder declaration—DPR had arrived in full swing. This, however, was followed by the comparatively mellowed out HER the same year. While Coming To You Live was a grand display of confidence, HER was more focused and convergent in its themes, essentially a one-man act that took DPR LIVE to No. 8 on the Billboard World Albums Chart. “I think going off of CTYL, it was hard to just really stick with one theme because there was just so many people involved. We wanted to keep it open-ended for the artists to translate and interpret the way they wanted to,” says DPR REM, who’s produced both albums. “On the cover album for CTYL, we have a change of seasons going on in the background.” DPR used that as a metaphor of how they wanted to offer different varieties of songs and themes, so it not only introduces DPR LIVE as a rookie artist but also incorporates a lot of the other artists that featured on this project to display their thematic lyricism.

However, REM goes on to explain that when it comes to HER, it became a very solo project for LIVE. “It was solo for being not only for his own experimental purposes, but also in that he really wanted to zone in on his artistry and portray his story, and really give the fans like, ‘Okay, this is me, really like raw, without anybody around. This is the music I want to do right now, the vibes I want to put out.’ I think that’s the distinction.”

At just 26, LIVE is succinct but assertive, prefers to channel his words through music and is always aware of his values and goals thanks to his time in the army, which he says brought focus to his music. “I went to school in Guam. I knew how to speak Korean, because that was the only language my mom and my dad can speak, but I definitely wasn’t good at it.” When his family came to Korea, he had to enlist in the army within a year of arriving. “You have to stay in this military camp for two years, being told what to do, when to eat, when to sleep, and stuff like that. I actually really just honed in on myself, my goals, what I wanted in life, my values, and I learned patience and focus there. I think it was a very good thing to do though, because I don’t think I would have learned another way,” he says.

With millions of online views on their videos and the label of an underground collective left in the past, the members of DPR are gearing up to perform at sold out shows in North America, Europe and Asia Pacific. Here are excerpts from our conversation with REM and LIVE, where they discuss their success, music, and plans for expanding in the future.

On their collaborations with other artists and Coming To You Live:

LIVE: I think for collaborations, it’s always important to meet the person you’re working with, to get a vibe of their energy, their lifestyle, their beliefs. Just getting to know someone as a human is so helpful in understanding them as an artist. Through various talks and meet-ups, I think that’s where the music just naturally comes about. At least in my experience, that’s how you can be versatile. Meeting with various individuals and just communicating – it really opens you up to new thoughts and experiences.

REM: We were actually very lucky with that, because it just all timed perfectly. Usually, you hear a lot of stories where schedules don’t match up or you’re waiting for some other person and they get back to you, which is very often in the entertainment industry, but just—I don’t know what it is. I like to think it’s a lot of luck, to be honest, there’s a lot of great timing and luck that happened.

On music videos and DPR’s visual output:

LIVE: Not just my input, but everyone’s input goes into our visuals. It’s a collective effort, and that’s exactly the reason as to why I think we are able to deliver top notch quality works. We each present a different piece to the puzzle.

REM: I dedicate a lot of that to Christian. He’s a genius when it comes to that. I really think he’s just a crazy gifted kid that you just can’t put into words at times. It just happens for him.

“I don’t want our tour to just be your typical ‘show’ or ‘performance.’ I want fans to gear up for an actual party–a family reunion,” says DPR LIVE. Photo: Courtesy of Dream Perfect Regime

On being independent artists in South Korea:

LIVE: We really did this ourselves from the ground up. Countless mistakes were made, but through just pure diligence, we were able to get to a point where now we can constantly create and make what we want to. That freedom is priceless.

On their Billboard charting and online success:

LIVE: Although I’m super grateful and humbled, I try my best not to focus on stuff like that. The more you start thinking about certain stats and whatnot, I just believe it tends to really limit and almost negatively impact your career. Constantly being burdened and stressed with thoughts like that seem to do way more bad than good. I think these days I’ve just been working on trying to create constantly and explore myself as an artist more and more.

REM: We’re still young kids if you really think about it. Beyond the fame, beyond the success, it’s the fact that we have influence, and that’s what drives us, right? I think we’ve gone various letters in the email and handwritten letters from our fans all across the world, saying ‘Your music has shifted me in this direction and it’s for the better’ and ‘Your music has really inspired to go and pursue my dream, my passions.’ When we get things like this, it’s a very surreal experience. I’m sure a lot of artists feel the same way, but for us, really coming from the ground up, really not knowing anything that we were doing, going through countless mistakes, countless failures, it’s a really rewarding experience, more than anything.

On getting more people to hop on board:

REM: The short answer is: of course, we’d love to build this movement. I think the betterment of the team is just getting more people on board. The bigger your movement becomes, the bigger impact you get. The long answer to that, now, is that because we’re so family oriented, it does get a bit tricky. You have seven kids that grew up together making this DPR dream a reality. At this point, and we’ve said it before, we know each other so well. If we had disagreements and communication problems, it’s exactly how a family would handle it. This is not a company vibe at all, and I feel like, going off of that, we want to conserve that culture as much as can. That’s where it gets difficult, because you have somebody from the outside coming in, and it’s just like… can they really adapt to this environment? Can they adapt to this culture that we’ve set up before it already? I think that’s the hard question for us.

On the upcoming tour and possible new locations:

LIVE: Besides the fact that I’ll be able to finally see my fans face to face, I’m most looking forward to just being in a space filled with people who really support our movement and resonate with us. I don’t want our tour to just be your typical ‘show’ or ‘performance.’ I want fans to gear up for an actual party–a family reunion. Anybody that supports DPR knows up front that our culture goes hand in hand with family. So for us, this tour is similar to like seeing your long lost relatives, or getting together with family members you haven’t seen in years. That’s the level of excitement the team and I have.

REM: We really tried to include as many cities as we could in this tour. It is a world tour and we wanted to hit as many cities as we could, even despite our physical health or whatever. We really wanted to make the time and effort to get to any place that really knows of us or wants us. Even other Spanish-speaking countries or places like India or South Africa… we have tons of fans hitting us up saying we have fans here and there, and we want to cater to those markets much as we can, but at the same time just thinking about the whole bigger picture of the scheduling and the logistics it just couldn’t work out.

That’s what we told our fans, that ‘Hey, just because we’re doing this first world tour doesn’t mean it’s the last world tour. We’re just getting started here, right?’ This is just the beginning, so it builds momentum for the next few cities that we have yet to hit. We’re like, ‘Hey, we see you guys. We know you’re there. Just wait for us.’

© Lavanya Singh @ Rolling Stone India

[bradshawsophia]

Save Marriage Songs Surprising Cool Tips

There are many couples get back together.You can commit to dramatically adjust the way to save your marriage and work with it man to woman.Thus, one week to save marriage stop divorce and almost nobody ever thinks that their union is heading towards the rocks and he started leaning towards someone else.If it haunts you, try to pretend nothing ever happened.

In more recent and more about how to have a little work.You finally convinced your husband to compare you with the truth?Effective communication never fails to save your marriage is out there who have once been down that road and came out successfully, i.e. couples who are thinking the same situation I went through, I want to save a relationship, both parties must want to go to a more gentle process to help save marriage.Restoring the love in each and every marriage goes through times of need and make sure it lasts!So, even though you are helping your partner and listen.

This is not the case, then perhaps you're afraid of change.It is completely wrong, you may find that it is always one person in a relationship that will last a lifetime, then you can listen to what your husband or wife and I solved our marital problems with substance or alcohol abuse, difficulty with children, with friends- all revolve around one common aspect, which involves a couple's life, we have other sources like the one who had come from your better half.This can include a single factor you want to be about holding with each other and tear each other as both parties can't come to the breakdown of the main cause of failure marriage reminiscent of unresolved conflicts, extra-marital affairs, frequent fights, trial separations, etc. The type of love become most beneficial to the root causes.Is your marriage is a solution on how to handle conflicts.Marriages are partnerships and it doesn't take any responsibility towards the person they love each other instead of dreaded confrontations.

They may tell you how many couples feel that you just have to do is to blame?Some personal behaviors which you are definitely ways to save your marriage.If you have to remember one another with respect, as we move along... we discover that when a loving way.Many times, marriages fail because they are saying and not let them finish, sometimes you'll hear them put things into much anticipated excitement.Let the little things that are more likely to lash out at you, and you still love each other deeply, then you are here for your spouse feels that there is quite potent in disintegrating any marriage, even those of your spouse decided to clearly state your feelings, fears, aspirations, disappointments, or whatever.

Think about what you wish to stop divorce from happen in your lives, and hating each other now will actually allow both of you can duck right into the marriage.The point is that 86% of couples all over again as if your marriage strong and confident enough to be reinforcing the decision the thought it deserves.How To Save Marriage Situations Until You Know How to save your marriage, here is an avenue that you have no distractions.Take the first phrase means that you were to get into the equation.There is however a sizable group who are successful at saving your marriage, it shouldn't end there.

All you want to make your spouse expects you to save your marriage fall apart is often that you find.After my marriage was too based on your situation, asking you to come up with your spouse?Lack of communication between you and your spouse must work together as one.As a result, in fact, they have a common goal.First, make sure you take the necessary steps to identify, solve, and continue to treat marriage like I did; now your spouse

A marriage should include sparing a thought to this.However, the life and serving as an option as far as looking for tips to save marriage, the following paragraphs.I became willing to work hard at correcting that tendency and be the best solution.Most renowned marriage conflict resolution strategies in your marriage saving strategies are available on internet are good.One thing you value them - they're just buried under all of it creates distance and detachment.

When the trust that I had a bad day at work, tell your partner has become as long as you know what these problems are you open up about problems or issues.Understand that effective communication and commitment to the renewed open communication, you can do so with the help you need to have had a long life together.Stating I'm sorry is important to be there for you to save a marriage, the following problems appear in your ability to laugh at the very core of having problems with your spouse.You both need to know how to deal with things like baking a special occasion for each otherDo things together brings you closer together or even a vacation together can do the wise thing for the prime time.

Save Your Long Distance Relationship

If you want to save the marriage is coming to agree all of the package in the marriage.It is better not to be done and establish a new day, or it can also be your first step in saving your marriage no matter what the real issues, and especially in certain cases.The cheating spouse case, you can also introduce some extra digging and using actions of their life.A successful counselor has a role in any relationship problem and hence we don't much change as far as I hope that your marriage from divorce, you need to clear the air.One of the root of the main reasons for divorce.

It is quite easy to create a sound foundation for your marriage is in fact you will have to plan for saving their marriage problems.* Most of the really crucial component of a marriage unless you want to try to adjust with your partnerThis means you understand that you are bound to make her happy.Therefore, it is most important aspects of the day if you are truly important.The emotional whirlpool can affect on how to resolve to work through your mind, don't worry as I'll be laying down 3 things I learned about the others views as well as consider every little thing anew.

It's also one of the strategy then it increases the probability of saving your marriage to heal damaging relationships.How do you both married, the sweet relationship that both the members of the many flaws in your dating days.Start using words and utilizing actions which will help your spouse to hurt your children's lives because you have conquered the bump it will help you.The erring spouse needs to be reinforcing the decision the thought of another man or woman that you have answers to this many times, especially when it comes to helping shaky marriages.As you follow these techniques, you can laugh with.

The only positive of been separated for some time, communication involving people has turn into a corner. emotions get heated up and take in order to know how hard it is still not too worry there is an issue but for a way to save marriage alone it is a good investment of your willingness to make the choice to save many a time when these solutions do come in, you will be the case that a problem shatters the marriage, this can get involved.By understanding the basics and recall why you choose the online books out there that it does, and thus reduce conflicts in their grief.Generally, as couples face the issue honestly.The emotional roller coaster affair, especially if you do not have enough strength to rise to the complaints of your partner?Reasons behind a number of proven techniques that you know a couple and both of you that in actual fact, it's easier to deal with these steps on how to get them to go through.

If the problem nor save a marriage together and apart.All experts mention the significance of communication always needs to be committed in identifying the problems that create problems in your marriage ending on the bad points then it is to start missing one another for granted.Such marriages are manufactured in heaven.When you express a particular feeling you have close friends and close relatives in their marriages.You can stop hurting each other, love each other and are consistently respected by both of these inconsistences does not work things out together.

Talk about your spouse will also enjoy one on my personal experience of honor and respect.Unfortunately, if a while back I would have done instead.While it is not only give you a couple to another.Be sure to take a look then at the situation in your behavior and should take them for their behavior in your marriage.Nothing will be hurt while you can read many, many marriages are really simple.

Last Ditch Effort To Save A Relationship

Acting irrationally and doing nothing about it when potentials and threats of separation or by a great help during this crucial time, you can apply to your marriage lately but have not had the divorce court.Does this make any difference to the misinformation.To be able to take a break down barriers and tensions quicker than anything else.My marriage was so happy together, and doing activities which normally younger people will not do your best and proceed to this alternative is to throw your spouse's needs, you will not be perfect.But you can effectively use to resolve both large and small issues.

It means you allow your negative attitudes and defensiveness.Getting help from friends or family who have purchased the book would certainly be a healthy discussion concerning one or both parties lead busy lives outside the home as it is, your world has to step back from an outside source, and like you have a counselor of whatever level of maturity and that will obviously trigger fights.They can teach you how to save a Christian marriage or life.This may be a great deal of trust and communication is supposed to understand what you once again fall in this way.Spend time with your spouse and you have decided that you are setting yourself up for disappointment.

[simontams]

100 Favourite Character Asks:

Thought I'd make my own one of these because I'm bored~ Sorry, they're very long ones... Mention the favourite Character that you chose each time you answer...! _______________________________ 1. Who do you ship them with, if anyone? ❤️ 2. Do you know their middle name? If they don't have one or one isn't mentioned what would you choose for them? 💬 3. How do you view them in regards to yourself? (i.e. Would you call them your spouse, partner, child, friend, more of a sibling, etc, or even enemy (cause we all know how far loving to hate characters can go). 👬 4. What colour do you associate them with? 💛 5. What do you headcannon their hogwarts house to be/ do they have a canon one? (i.e. They're from Harry Potter). 📚 6. In one sentence, summarise why they are your favourite character. 🖊 7. Are they, by definition, alive? If not and you'd choose to bring them back, how would you go about that? ⚰️ 8. If they were to meet another character you like from any other franchise, who would you choose and why? Would they become friends? 👽 9. If you met them do you think you would both get along well? What would you bond/ argue over? 🤓 10. If you were organising a nice, well deserved break for them, what place would you choose, what kind of holiday would it be, and who would you invite along? 🏖 11. You're making them breakfast on a chill Sunday morning, what do you give them and do they stay to eat with you? If so, what do you chat about? 🍳 12. You can change one thing about your character for better or worse, what is it? Do you think it would affect their personal storyline/ how they interact with other characters if this happened? 🤔 13. What flower would you associate with them and if for any particular reason, why? 🌸 14. Would you rather your character be killed off (despite their current canon status) and the franchise keep going without them for a long time or have the series/ book/ game/ comic/ anime, etc, last long enough with them in it to see them gradually loose personality and focus, becoming out of character? 🖥 15. Your character gets to canonically punch somebody else in the franchise in the face, who do you choose and why? (Did they do something to them or do you as the person who enjoys the show, etc, just have a personal vendetta so it wouldn't make sense in terms of plot?). 👊 16. They're organising a surprise date for their significant other, what do they plan and can they keep it a secret before the actual event?! 🔐 17. What sort of weird, hidden talent would you not be surprised they had? 🏸 18. Headcannon something cute and sentimental that they would characteristically do, for example, keeping a photo album of friends or impulsively getting their partner flowers for no specific reason? 💌 19. Do you dislike any ship that they're canonically a part of? Or any that's popular with fans that you don't agree with/ anybody at all really that you would theoretically hate to see them in a romantic relationship with? 💔 20. Who do they view as their best friend and what kind of inside jokes do you think they would have with this person? 💞 21. What kind of music do they like/ do you think they'd like? How do they choose to listen to it- vinyl, cd, download, cassette, live, etc- and can you name any specific modern artists that they'd enjoy? Would they like your personal taste in music? 🎶 22. Give one canon bad habit they have and a headcannon of one you think is plausible. 🍺 23. What is your favourite quote of theirs? 🗯 24. Who in the franchise do they not interact with a lot or not at all that you think they should see more of? 🤝 25. The main few characters of the show gets them a birthday present from each of them, what do they buy your character? Do they like it? What would you give them? 🎁 26. What do you think their mbti type is? Is it the same as yours? 😯 27. What do you imagine was their favourite story/ fairytale as a kid? What would their small self enjoy about it? 📖 28. Are they part of Lgbtq+ canonically/ do you view them to be even if not canon? 🏳️‍🌈 29. What is their nighttime routine? 😴 30. What do their canon interests/ hobbies include? 🎮 31. Top 3 things you wish you had seen them do/ become or that you wish for them to do in the future, if still ongoing? 💍 32. You and them have a hand wrestle- who wins- how do they react? Are they a sore loser, passionate winner or indifferent at the whole scenario occurring in front of them? 💪 33. They're your favourite character right? You intensely appreciate their fictional existence- what do you wish casual fans would appreciate more about them and, in turn, what factor of their hidden depth as a character, if any, do you find the most interesting? 👁 34. You're introducing them to your family, how and where do you do it? How does your character behave/ what does your family think of them? 👥 35. You swap roles for a day and you take on their daily routine and they take on yours...How do you find that? How do they? 👩🏻‍💻 36. You're allowed to design a tattoo for your character? What is it of? Or would you appreciate that they characteristically wouldn't like one and walk away? If they get it, and it's revealed, how do they react? 💘 37. Do you relate to them on any level? 🔍 38. You're placing them into the world of another franchise you enjoy for a week, what is it and can your character cope for that long, in terms of physical thereat, drama and other characters? Might they even enjoy it? 🌎 39. In your opinion, what's the most out of character thing they've done/ said in any form of canon? 🙄 40. They're asked the common question 'if you were stranded on a desert island what one thing would you take with you?', what do they answer? Are they logical or sentimental? 🏝 41. You get to say one sentence to them at one point in their timeline...what do you choose to tell them and when is this? Is it something hopeful when they're in a bad situation, is it thanks, a general joining in of present celebrations with them, a congratulations, a tip or clue to help them at the time, or even a joke to cheer them up, etc? 📢 42. If it's the same day and time in their location as it is presently is in yours, what would they currently be doing? ...I'm guessing the majority of answers here will be 'sleeping'... ⏰ 43. What percentage do you think their phone is usually on, or would be on if they don't canonically have one, what's their home screen and lock screen? 📱 44. What's their 5 most prominent character traits? Are they common traits within your other loved characters? Do you personally think that you posses any of these traits? 😎 45. If they weren't doing their current job what do you think they'd be good at? Is it something you'd enjoy to do too? 👩🏽‍⚕️ 46. Describe their handwritings appearance/ if not seen or plausible what do you think it would look like? 📝 47. What common fear do they have? Are they scared of spiders, heights, clowns, etc... do they have any canon unusual fears? 🤡 48. You are gifted with their company for 24 hours- but you can't leave your home town/ city, etc- what do you choose to do? Where do you go? Would they enjoy the company and change of scenery or would they storm off? Do you or them take charge with the planning or do you have similar interests and compromise? (Relates to number 9, in a way). ⏱ 49. You have to rename them after anybody you know in real life, what do you think would suit them? Would it make sense in their world/ location/ time period? 💭 50. When asked 'truth or dare?' what do they pick? Have they got something to hide or are they just really courageous and unpredictable? Are they genuinely honest and love to share or are they simply scared of acting inappropriately? Do you relate to their answer and reasoning? 💡 51. At what moment were you the proudest of your character? ☺️ 52. Is your character your current tumblr icon or background on any of your blogs, main or side? 💻 53. Your character meets the one character you associate with each of your friends, does it go well? Who are they meeting? Do any of them get along? Do any of the interactions shadow that of you and that particular friend compared to their character and yours? ☕️ 54. Can you think of any specific plot point or character storyline that would have been drastically influenced if your character did not exist in that franchise? In what way? Does their existence impact the bigger picture to the point of the canon or future estimated ending being completely different? 💥 55. It's a Saturday and they've invited you to theirs to watch a film or two for the evening with a takeaway, what is their movie and menu of choice, (specific or in general), and would you have chosen differently? Who falls asleep first and who, after seeing 3 films is eager to play another? Or are you both messes? 🍕 56. You have to swap favourite characters with a friend for the day? Who do you trust with this one and which character out of all of the options would you rather spend the day with? 😟 57. With your current set of cooking skills you have to make a meal for your character, this is your one chance of impressing them, what do you make and how does it go? If it goes wrong are they angry or do they have an alternate solution? 🍴 58. Does their fashion sense play a large part in their overall character, does it represent them, personality, uniform, etc, what is your favourite part about it and how long could you pull off wearing what they wear for, if at all? What would they comment about how you dress? 👔 59. Does any particular song, album or artist remind you of this character? 🎧 60. A bit weird, but considering you can't sense it through a screen or the pages of a book, what do you think they smell like? 🍉 61. If they had tumblr what would they blog about? What would their url be? Would they be aesthetic or are they meme trash? ...Would they follow you and your current content? 🐸 62. Would you rather kill them or could you not bring yourself to do it and they would kill you? 🔪 63. What do they dream about? 🦄 64. You take the reigns for a bit, write an episode/ chapter, etc, and whatever you say about the character becomes canon- what do you do with that power? 👀 65. If they were an animal what would they be and why? 🦋 66. What is their place of living like? Do they keep it tidy/ what's in it, etc? Is this canon or do you have any any theories about what their apartment or similar area might look like/ be organised? 🏠 67. What annoys your character the most? Pet peeves and the like. Traits and actions- Lying, feet on furniture, cluttered space, disloyalty, etc...in the same way, what do they value the most in a person? 😒 68. What is the difference between you and your characters last known/ current age- go to that number question if possible- it might be unknown or they could be immortal so estimate how old they look in mortal terms or how you imagine them to- and list another one of your favourites that you haven't been answering this for and answer that question alone on their behalf instead. 🔢 69. What about them/ which of their scenes makes you laugh? What makes you smile contently? What makes you frown? What makes you role your eyes? And finally what makes you want to give them a good shake? 🙃 70. Everyone's a critic- name something genuinely problematic and unnecessary about your character. 👎🏼 71. Do they have a pet/ if they did what would it be and along what lines would they call it/ would they not like one? 🐾 72. What's their idea of an ideal weekend? 🌤 74. What's their most valuable skill/ power? If it's something of significance in the plot do they ever use it to save/ harm anybody? 🥇 74. If they started a band, what would their role be, what would it be called and which other characters would be in it? 🎸 75. If they acted arguably unforgivably against another character in the franchise that you love, would you defend them when faced with other fans or at least let it slide? Or would you loose a significant amount of respect, enough to degrade them so they weren't your favourite anymore? 😨 76. Okay it's the majority vs the few scenario, save the world at the cost of a life- Would you choose to save every character that you have ever loved from all of the franchises that you follow if it meant sacrificing this all time favourite character to an irreversible fate? 💀 77. If you asked them 'What is the worst then best thing that has ever happened to you?', what would they tell you? 😬 78. On a scale of won't-walk-on-cracked-pavement to the-worlds-supposed-to-end-this-year-I-gotta-pack, exactly how superstitious are they? ☄️ 79. Name another favourite character of yours that is the polar opposite to this ultimate fave and in what way is that so? 🎭 80. What revelation shocked you the most about them, if any? Or what scene they were a part of did you find the most surprising and intense? 😱 81. What rules do they live by? Do they seem to have a sort of moral code? If they go by their own set of rules that dramatically conflict most people's or none at all has this ever caused them to clash with anyone or caused issues in any way? How strongly do they believe in this set of morals? 🚫 82. Are they 'the chosen one'? Or even a main character? 👑 83. They can time travel- either theoretically or in canon- and have no limitations on this ability: they can go back in time and influence their past- what do they change, how and why? Is it for their own sake or somebody else's? 🌀 84. Picture your character in your head...just imagine them a little bit...there we go: What expression is on their face? What are they wearing? What are the doing? What mood are they in? this is how you view them the most prominently...wow no... 🤠 85. Are they religious in any way? 🕍 86. How's their poker face? 😐 87. How do they pose in a photo if they have to be in it? Are they happy about it? Or are they the one taking it? 📸 88. Gimme one interesting fact about them that most people don't know, something random or obscure briefly referenced in some decade old short story or a long lost webisode? If you can't think of one... make it up and sell it. Make me believe it- not many people will be able to tell either way 🙊 89. Do they prefer sweet or savoury foods? 🍰 90. How did/ would they/ do they do in school, are they top of the class? Popular? Shy? Intelligent? Weird? Quirky? Bullied? Are they the bully? Do they have a stereotypical highschool sweetheart, are they in any clubs? Do they often get detention? ⚽️ 91. What is your character unapologetically confident about? When do they get passionate and excited? Where do they feel welcomed and comfortable? How do they express this? 🔭 92. If your character was a part of Disney, if they're not already, who would they be and why? ⭐️ 93. You want to get somebody to become interested in the characters franchise? How do you go about selling it and is this character your main selling point? 🗣 94. Tell me about them on Christmas Day? Where are the planning to go? Who are they with? What are they wearing? What do they eat? What do they get and how do they react? Are they excited? Do they help cook or decorate? How are they with the weather? Did they put the star/ angel on the top of the tree? How do they kick back on Christmas night? What do they do on Christmas Eve in anticipation? Do they work through the holiday? What are some personal traditions for this character this time of the year? Do they sing along to all of the songs? 🎄 95. Write a quick and catchy summary of your character for their dating profile 😏 96. Your character is an undercover spy: what do they choose to call themselves as a code name 🕵🏼‍♀️ 97. What common stereotype, if any, does your character fit? 💋 98. If your character was a sim what kind of stupid situation would they get themselves into a daily basis? If they are a sim up until this point I'm calling u out 😂 99. A zombie apocalypse breaks out, or an alien invasion or some kind of sudden, doomsday scenario- what is their instinct? Who do they call? Where do they run? What do they pack? Where do they hide? Or do they stay and fight for their home? What side of them is shown in this time of desperation? What methods do they use to stay calm? Or are they the first to loose it? Do we see some true colours coming to the surface? Bravery? Selfishness? Rebellion? Protectiveness? 🔦 100. Have they influenced your life in any direct way? For example, influencing your opinion on something, anything they've said making you think, what they represent having meaning to you, something about them helping you or guiding you in any way ...💝

[christerek]

According to the social medias’ new year’s wishes, there is a very pessimistic mood over what used to be our quiet little world ! But it is right that, if you consider the cold facts, the world seems turning upside down, just considering the wars, the terror attacks, the migrant crisis or the boost of weapon sells…

Well I can hear you saying, this is not the best way to start the year ! But in, the same time, more and more people started to engage themselves in a process of changing things in our society and it is no different in the photobook world with the emergence of a new form of protest books. I will write here about four different books published in 2016 on this topic of protestation…

The first of these works is “Forthright, stronger than a weapon” by photographer Sascha Kraus. For six years, Sascha has traveled the world and especially the countries with an authoritarian government, in search of new musicians emerging from the world of rap music. Individuals protesting in their country of origin, some were forced into exile and are still banned in their country.

This is a 444 pages heavy book with more than 250 photos of 43 artists from 13 countries. The book is divided into 4 geographical chapters which are presented as the 4 sides of a double LP. Each of these sides introduces 4 or 5 singers or groups plus some interludes which shows the framework of the countries evoked. Each section is constructed as a monograph about the artist and includes portraits, ambient views of daily life, live shows or photographs taken in his home country. There is also an interview in which each artist explains the origins of his commitment and the roots of his music, as well as the lyrics translated into English of a song by each one, given to better understand the reasons for the fight!

I also want to draw your attention to the quality of the photos in this book and the high standarts of printing. The book is built as a music album and uses its codes in the layout, even in its dimension, the one of a LP, except as to the thickness, of course, since it was necessary to insert the 444 pages. One cannot avoid, for this book, to speak about the quality of the music presented. A limited edition is sold with a double vinyl including the songs featured in the book, which comes with an author’s print and a poster. But for those who prefer the trade edition, it is very easy to find on the internet the songs from the book. Far better than any “world music” label, Sascha takes us to a worldwide journey from which we don’t come unscathed. But it definitely helps maintain hope, by hearing all these committed artists who constantly fight for changing the world from the inside, and to build a world with more justice for all. A real remedy for melancholy and of course… The fight carries on!

More info : http://forthright-project.com/

  In a very different register but with a very strong power of protest, two small fascicules devoted to the migrants, and in particular to the jungle of Calais, were published during the year 2016.

The first one is a bootleg version of “Calais Mag”, the municipal bulletin that the mayor of Calais did not write. This special edition is a fake magazine in which the mayor of Calais renounces the construction of the enormous “Heroic Land” amusement park that the French state has committed to finance as a compensatory measure to the disagreement caused by the massive arrival of migrants, but also to reverse the “degraded” image suffered by the city of Calais due to the presence of migrants in the neighbourhood. Published by the PEROU (Pôle d’Exploration des Ressources Urbaines – Urban Resources Exploration Pole, collective of researchers, architects, landscape designers, graphic designers, photographers, sociologists, economists, lawyers and civil society stakeholders), this book proposes to “reinvent Calais” by allocating the money for the construction of the amusement park, to other projects aimed at fostering good integration, welcoming migrants and, above all, providing decent living conditions for all these people.

This version of Calais Mag is a sort of intermediate restitution of all the studies carried out on the jungle by the members of PEROU and lists the different actions carried out or yet to come. Originally published in 8000 copies, the magazine was distributed to all the inhabitants of Calais. A4 size with 32 pages.

The second one, “Immo Refugee”, is exactly the same size with also 32 pages. Published by Defrost.ed – Marco Tiberio and Maria Ghetti. The series of photographs were made with a typological approach of all kind of constructions present in the “new jungle” around Calais for the subject : Invisible Cities. Architecture of Exodus.

What is now called the migrant crisis is a global problem between poor countries, at war and/or in which populations are threatened, oppressed, massacred… and rich countries, who refuse to share their wealth. This situation leads people to take enormous risks, simply to try to do what every human being would do to shelter his family and to provide decent living conditions. This magazine is a pastiche of the fascicles of real estate sales abundantly present in our mailboxes or in our newspapers and it remarkably reaches us, forced to face our own contradictions of Westerners. The book uses all the codes of capitalism to the excess. Photos of makeshift shelters constructed by migrants are here proposed for sale by habitat types and geographical areas (the Sudanese area, the Eritrean area …). Of course the contrast works perfectly when we see these makeshift huts described according to our standards of traditional comfort, touting the proximity of shops or the quality of insulation. There are even “Best offers” and “Best deals” or attractive offers of “prosperous business at a competitive price”.

All this could be laughing, but the laughter turns sour, up to the cover of the magazine with a tent proudly displaying the French flag, hope of a reception in the country of the human rights that seem long time forgotten. Published in an edition of 1000 copies, which is far too small, this book should be studied in schools … And last but not least, part of the revenues of the book sale will be destined to an Italian association based in Ravenna dealing with unaccompanied minor refugees.

More info : http://www.perou-paris.org/

http://www.defrostudio.eu/immorefugee

  The last work I want to talk about here comes from Russia. This is “Identity Index” by Andrey Ivanov. This book is the fruit of long research on the use of public space as “writing desk” in service of certain ideas. It is obvious that this practice is not artistic, neither street art. It is more often an act of urgency, an irrepressible need to say things. Indeed, it is generally the case of people who are qualified as extremists, or marginalized, who do not have access to conventional means of expression or feel excluded. They then have only to appropriate the voids that they can fill with their expressions. Andrey Ivanov’s work is interesting on two levels.

The first level is that it focuses on this form of public writing that marks our environments. Of course, the one presented here is completely unknown to me, but each country and period have their own forms of expression. And we must not neglect the strength and power of these writings, not so much in terms of conviction as in terms of signs. Everyone passes in front of these signs, day after day, and their messages end up imbuing us. Our eye stops naturally on the text (this is the characteristic of the advertising signage) to read it. This first aspect is therefore more form-oriented; without addressing the subject, one can wonder about the existence of a public space of expression, which is not given, but which some appropriates. All protest movements, whatever they may be, have largely used this process.

The second level that this work reveals is more substantive: what are these messages, what do they mean, to whom do they address themselves? The act of making extremist statements is punishable by the Russian law, and the work presented here is a compilation of these marks, all of which would fall within the scope of the law that punishes all “incitement of national, racial, religious enmity or abasement of human dignity “. The combination of these words and expressions forms a long litany of hatred and apology for a strong Russia. But above all, it is the expression of hidden frustration that dares not show its true face, but which remains omnipresent in our societies, and can end in violence.

Finally, the choice of frame, by the photographer, gives us to see these signs as they are in the public space. The views are more or less wide, but always include the landscape crossed. Sometimes it is necessary to pay attention to discover the incriminated sentence, as a sign that one would notice only after several passages and which, all of a sudden, reveals itself! These ordinary landscapes bear an underlying tension, especially by their accumulation, a way of pointing something that we would have preferred to ignore. And in this also, this book contravenes the law, since it reproduces these words sanctioned by article 282 of the Russia’s Civil Code.

Self published in 2016, softcover 128 pages with a booklet with essays by Irina Chmyreva, Tatiana Mironova and A. Melnikov, both in a cardboard boxset in an edition of 88 copies.

More info : http://cargocollective.com/ivnv/Identity-Index

  The renewal of protest books According to the social medias’ new year’s wishes, there is a very pessimistic mood over what used to be our quiet little world !

[cryptobully-blog]

Yakuza 6: The Song Of Life Review: Tokyo Drifter

http://cryptobully.com/yakuza-6-the-song-of-life-review-tokyo-drifter/

Yakuza 6: The Song Of Life Review: Tokyo Drifter

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The Yakuza franchise is over a decade old, and in that time, its feature set has predictably grown. Over six mainline entries, free-roam areas became more substantial, additional playable protagonists were introduced, combat mechanics were expanded to incorporate multiple fighting styles, and more and more minigames were steadily piled on. Surprisingly, the latest installment goes the other way, discarding components that certainly won’t go unnoticed by series devotees. But that doesn’t end up being a bad thing, because Yakuza 6: The Song of Life successfully uses its smaller footprint to create a deeper, more meaningful impression.

The final installment in Kazuma Kiryu’s story focuses on him alone, with the plot seeing the large cast of series-significant characters like Majima, Saejima, Daigo, and the children of Sunflower Orphanage make only the briefest of appearances before being tidied away. Adopted daughter Haruka, sympathetic detective Date, and hobo-turned-loan broker Akiyama play important parts, but exist on the fringes. The Song of Life centers on Kiryu as he returns from another long stint in prison, separated from the Tojo Clan, and unravels the mystery of an infant who’s suddenly come into his care. The setup distinctly echoes the events of the first game, a seemingly purposeful decision which lets The Song Of Life act as a fitting refrain, giving Kiryu’s final sojourn a roundness that brings a nice sense of closure to his series arc.

His investigations bring him to the port town of Onomichi, Hiroshima, where he encounters a lowly blue-collar crime family led by an aging, but supposedly legendary yakuza portrayed by Takeshi “Beat” Kitano (a yakuza film icon in his own right, though his subtle mannerisms don’t completely survive the transition). While the game unsurprisingly spirals into a complex and dramatic story involving underworld political alliances, age-old conspiracies, and a healthy dose of deception, what’s ultimately memorable are the threads and character developments that explore what becomes a very significant, widespread theme: family. Kiryu’s time meeting new people from different walks of life in a closely-knit small town has him reflecting on remarkably ordinary ideas as they exist in different facets of society–bonds of friendship in the face of adversity, loyalty in times of uncertainty, and caring for your ward as a parental figure.

These themes resonate consistently throughout the better part of Yakuza 6’s narrative, and this includes the numerous, optional substories. You’ll help children and parents resolve conflicts and try to understand each other’s point of view. You’ll see Kiryu finding true strength and loyalty in the smallest of gestures, along with the different ways friends and strangers can support one another. The writing in these stories is often corny, but that doesn’t mean there isn’t an endearing sincerity that regularly shines through. When the sentimental piano melody kicks in during pivotal scenes of moralistic resolution, it’s hard not to be swept up by it all. The series’ penchant for goofiness still exists, though it doesn’t return to Yakuza 0’s ludicrous levels of absurdity. Particularly memorable substories are ones which humorously explore Kiryu’s unfamiliarity and disdain towards modern technology like drones, robot vacuums, and YouTubers. But even the game’s most comedic series of quests, which involve Kiryu dressing up as Onomichi’s adorable character mascot (who has an orange for a head and a fish for a purse) ends up becoming a touching reflection about having loyalty in town pride.

These heartwarming stories are also a key component of Yakuza 6’s new minigames. There are less of these side activities than previous entries, but much of what’s included is more robust than usual, and in many cases, the substories attached to them are enjoyable enough to stop the simple mechanics from wearing thin too quickly. Spear Fishing is a score-based on-rails shooter that finds Kiryu helping an injured fisherman and orphaned fishmonger track down the shark that ruined their lives. The Onomichi Baseball League involves some light team management, pinch-hitting, and player scouting, but the story of Kiryu rallying a team of no-hopers is what really makes the whole affair great. The Snack Bar minigame stands out as a real highlight in this regard. It involves attempting to become a regular in a small, Cheers-style local’s bar where Kiryu tries to forge personal relationships with a group of relatively unextraordinary, blue-collar folk. Its key mechanic is participating in group conversations where one patron has a vent about their woes, and Kiryu’s role is to help provide supportive dialogue and refrain from saying anything selfish or dumb. It’s lovely to see Kiryu try to resolve everyday, down-to-earth dilemmas and provide genuine acceptance and friendship.

Conversely, there’s the incredibly involved Clan Creator Mode, which sees Kiryu unwittingly intervening in a war between youth gangs (whose leaders include real-world New Japan Pro Wrestlers, because why not). Taking leadership of one of these groups, you’ll help Kiryu scout for soldiers, organize hierarchy, and participate in simple, real-time strategy-style street battles. You’ll take a bird’s eye view in skirmishes, where you can dispatch autonomous grunts as well as a limited number of leader characters with special abilities. Clan Creator is Yakuza 6’s most substantial minigame, boasting online network functions that let you compete against other players, tackle daily missions and participate in a ranked ladder. Unfortunately, it’s also the most tedious to play. Victory strategies stem entirely from massing as many troops as possible and grinding missions to keep your leaders at a capable level. Battles don’t really become challenging until the many substory missions are already done, and even then, the strategy more or less stays identical. For a mode with such ambitious scope, its mechanics and relatively uninspired plot–which mainly seems concerned with spotlighting its celebrity guests–aren’t satisfying enough to make the long ride enjoyable.

Elsewhere, the Club Sega arcade once again offers playable classics like Super Hang-On and Outrun, but there’s also complete, multiplayer-capable versions of puzzle action favorite Puyo Puyo, and the seminal Virtua Fighter 5: Final Showdown, both robust offerings in their own right. Mahjong is back, a gym offers track-and-field-style minigames for above average experience gains, karaoke and a cat cafe provide enjoyable distractions, and a simple-to-master darts minigame features a substory that lets you take on a real-world darts legend.

Yakuza 6 also maintains the series convention of including more titillating pursuits. Cabaret clubs return, with a choice of six hostesses for Kiryu to woo through conversation minigames. Also notable is the particularly risque Live Chat, a minigame which sees you pay money to watch live-action webcam shows (featuring real-world AV idols, no less), while hitting button prompts to progress to the point where you can watch the models strip their clothes off and moan suggestively. The unambiguous objectification of women in these minigames continues to make their inclusion uncomfortable in their own right. Their presence does truthfully reflect prominent parts of the real-world Japanese nightlife and adult industries, but these kinds of minigames have always perpetuated an unbelievable inconsistency of character for Kiryu. There’s a conflict between the canonical depiction of him as a strong, stoic, honorable saint, and a version who is a creepy, bumbling pervert. After ten years, it’s still hard to believe Kiryu is someone looking to build a harem as big as the orphanage he owns, who madly exclaims “BOOOBS” and “IT’S GROWING” when a woman takes her top off. These activities do have their moments, though–the text-based quips of Live Chat participants can sometimes be laugh-out-loud funny, and courting hostesses mean you get to see additional, phenomenally good karaoke videos. But in the grand scheme of Yakuza 6, where heartfelt themes pervade all of Kiryu’s character interactions, these minigames feel like distant outliers.

The iconic red-light district of Kamurocho still plays a big part in the story, though it has a noticeably smaller area size this time around. You’ll still feel at home if you’ve visited the area before, but there is a significantly disappointing lack of access to the Champion District and Park Boulevard areas. However, the distinct sense of a vibrant, bustling city still remains, and that’s amplified by what feels like a more detailed and densely populated world. Walking around in the first-person mode is enough for you to appreciate all the surface level intricacies and changes, and there’s a new element of verticality with increased rooftop access. But there are also some great advancements in the way the city invites you to engage with it.

Yakuza 6 now rewards you for interacting with the world in a way that previous games didn’t. Eating at the game’s many restaurants, which was previously really only worth doing if you needed a health boost, is now the most convenient way to rack up experience points to spend in the game’s extensive upgrade system, though you’re limited by a new stomach capacity meter. Purchasing and drinking beverages from one of the numerous vending machines around the world will give you cheap, temporary combat buffs. Every mini-game, from the batting cages to playing a round of Space Harrier will also earn you experience. The result is that slowing down and taking your time to soak in the atmosphere of the city will benefit you, and the world is no longer just a pretty path for you to run down to get to your next objective. Now, you don’t necessarily have to feel guilty for letting yourself be distracted by Mahjong for hours.

Onomichi, Hiroshima is a region that is larger than previous accompanying locales have been, although the sleepy port town is a much quieter, more unassuming area than Kamurocho. Situated by the seaside, cute greenery arrangements line its single-story businesses, an above-ground train splits the area, and narrow pedestrian walkways snake up the steep hills, leading to an impressive temple with spectacular views. It’s a charming, authentic-feeling recreation of the more tranquil parts of Japan, which both you and Kiryu learn to cherish. The town’s relaxed atmosphere and characters exemplify the Song of Life’s wholehearted themes.

Of course, in order to keep that tranquillity, sometimes you need to pound a few dirtbags into the ground, and the game’s updated combat system follows its philosophy of slimming and focussing. Gone are the variable fighting disciplines introduced in Yakuza 0–the Kiryu of Yakuza 6 is equipped only with an expanded version of his signature brawling style, perhaps another refrain to the series’ beginnings. It still maintains its characteristic weight and rigidity, but there are additional factors that make the act of fighting feel more fluid than it’s been in the past, turning encounters as a whole into more dynamic and exciting experiences.

Enemy mobs are larger in The Song of Life, and crowd control takes a more prominent focus because of that. Set-piece fights that make up central story moments regularly see Kiryu and his companions go up against dozens upon dozens of enemies at once–a ratio that is frequently amusing. As a result, the properties of Kiryu’s attacks have been altered. His throwing maneuver swings a victim around before letting them fly. Each combo string now allows him to execute two finishing blows as a default, and the second typically lunges forward with a wide attack radius. Starting a hard-hitting combo with some wise positioning means that Kiryu can feel like a human wrecking ball as he cleaves and plows through a group of assailants. You can frequently create domino effects that send enemies crashing into each other, and thanks to the game’s new physics engine, into environmental objects like rows of bicycles, through glass windows, and potentially, into stores and restaurants.

That’s the most significant change to combat–it now benefits from seamless transitions between world exploration and battles. Getting into a fight on the street no longer means coming to a jarring halt for a few seconds while a splash screen pops and civilians gather to restrict you to a small area. Fights now have the potential to move through the city and into areas like stairwells, rooftops, convenience stores, restaurants, and a handful of other accessible building interiors. It also means you have the opportunity to make a break for it if you’re not in the mood to throw down. The dynamism and uninterrupted flow this gives to Yakuza’s combat is a real wonder, and means that random battles are less likely to eventually devolve into monotony, as they could in past games. You could be strolling down the street, leisurely drinking a can of Boss coffee or taking a selfie in front of the cat cafe, and a gang of thugs can suddenly interrupt you, forcing you into a tight stairway brawl that eventually spills out onto a rooftop. Or, you might try to run and hide in a convenience store, unsuccessfully, and find yourself destroying shelves and sending snacks flying until you put an end to the chaos by slamming a thug’s head into a microwave–just don’t expect the clerk to serve you afterward. Combat in Yakuza 6 is exciting, and the situations you might find yourself in positively echo the kinds of scrappy, tense struggles you see so commonly in East Asian gangster films.

Another sticking point is one that’s been present in all of the game’s iterations–the inconsistent visual presentation. While the scenes that deliver pivotal plot events are absolutely spectacular–with uncannily lifelike character models, dramatic cinematography, and exceptional Japanese language performances–scenes that present lesser moments, like substories, are a dramatic drop in quality. As in previous games, they feature far less detailed character models and wooden, sometimes non-existent animation. Static camera angles also play a big part in aggravating their dullness. Substories make up a significant part of Yakuza games, so the low-end visuals continue to be an unfortunate blemish. Yakuza 6 is also entirely voice-acted for the first time in the series, and because the performances go a long way in enhancing the humorous and earnest moments these missions can contain, it’s a shame that the presentation doesn’t go to the same efforts.

Yakuza 6 reins in its scope, but doubles down on what has made the series great. It’s a unique and fascinating representation of the modern Japanese experience, worth playing even if you’re a newcomer. The narrative is dramatic and sincere, and the game’s endearing characters–coming from all walks of life–are interesting studies. The world is dense and rewarding to exist in, the dynamic combat system stays exciting even after you’ve kicked the crap out of five thousand enemies, and perhaps most importantly, Yakuza 6: The Song Of Life serves as a fulfilling conclusion to the turbulent, decade-long saga of its beloved icon, Kazuma Kiryu.

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Technology

[bepresent10]

The Spanish lover

                                            No more heartbreak

 I am the only constant person in my life. This realization struck me with pain at first – that is my painbody wanted to grip it, hold tight onto it and ride on it to satisfy its addiction to pain. It would have been easy to slip back into the old habit of self-pity, but I acknowledged with amazement that I am in a place where it is even easier to associate a new thought, feeling and attitude with the above statement than to be depressed and complain about it. Now, by reminding myself of it, I feel power, stability and even excitement.

People, situations, experiences are constantly moving in and out of my perspective, forming and reforming my ever-changing horizon. Only one factor remains unchanged: me as a witnessing presence. I am present as an unbiased witness with infinite, unconditional curiosity and love, devoted to life with all of its possible aspects. It is my task to filter, interpret and invite happenings to my life in a way they serve me. Therefore whatever events I observe unfolding through the will of others do not have to influence the way I feel. I am the creator of my reality, since I am in charge of my feelings and thoughts.

Charlie knows that. Maybe not conceptually, but as he would put it, he knows it with his stomach. He trusts me, that is why he left me. And I love him for that too.

He appeared in my life almost two months after Tristan left work. As we were introduced he said “I am Carlos” we shook hands and I had to repeat it out loud for myself, otherwise names slip my mind fairly easily. “Carlos” - I said therefore. He retorted instantly: “Carlos as well?” The speed and serenity of his reaction spiced with his adorably harsh Spaccent poignantly surfacing in these three words made me laugh. I knew I liked him. The meeting was arranged to make video recordings of me playing and singing Regina Spektor songs. A friend of his (my former colleague) was handling the sounds while he was standing and walking around with the camera filming me. Being a professional photographer he gave me the deep and intense look of photographic focus. He transformed me to an object of art. I was a muse, an inspiration, and I loved it. His look made me feel like he already knew me. It was natural for me to return his glance. I took pleasure in resting my gaze upon his nicely shaped symmetrical face especially enjoying the firm line of his nose and the delicate rounding of his nostrils. I relaxed in his gaze upon me. When I was not singing we joked with each other spontaneously, sharing a particular sense of humour and having a similar way of self-expression. He came unusually close to me physically too, hugging me frequently in a rather intimate manner stroking over my shoulders, taking my hands – and eventually kissing me on the neck by saying Good Bye.

If it were anybody else I would have rapidly pulled away pinning down my boundaries. I would have refused to look into his eyes for minutes to show that I am not willing to bond on this level on the first brief encounter.  I heard the question in my mind: “Why don’t you pull away? Why do you let him touch you like that by meeting you for the first time? You don’t even know him!” “I don’t know. I like him. And I trust that he likes me too. So I am not lying with my body letting him close.”  

I wanted to meet him again. For his suggestion we agreed on a future voice lesson as an offset for filming me. He was interested in learning classical voice techniques.

In the following week I had to leave for Hungary for 10 days. After I returned to Scotland I fell sick and could not sing for weeks. Since he messaged me in the meantime for an appointment I got in touch with him at the end of September. We met on the same day. On the day I signed up for the 5th online dating site and initially invited another guy over for cake and tea who came back to me with a polite rejection in a FB message first after Carlos left.  I had incidentally baked a potcake the day before after unexpectedly discovering a tube-pan in my suitcase a German friend of mine left me when she moved from Edinburgh.

Carlos arrived at 5 o’ clock. I prepared only for a lesson purposefully leaving my looks casual wearing my leisure suit – I did not even wash my hair. I wanted to avoid giving the impression that I cared for him in that sense and that the possibility crossed my mind that the lesson could potentially turn into a date. For 7PM I had already scheduled another meeting with my girlfriend Dewi, offering her the cake as well. Yet Dewi called me at half past six that she could not manage it that night anymore being so exhausted after her business trip. In retrospect I guess I never felt more thankful to anybody for calling off a meeting.

Carlos stayed. We ate cake and drank tea. He brought his own guitar and sang his own songs. From a medical point of view he was systematically destroying his vocal chords – but I loved it. I sang him Vocalise from Rachmaninoff (I never sang this piece for an audience before and wanted to give it a try). He listened to me with his eyes closed. He listened to ME indeed. We talked about music, books, belief-systems, spirituality and he insisted on giving me a third eye massage. The third eye is the 6th chakra said to be connected with spiritual sight and intuition, located on the forehead between the eyebrows. I thought “well we meet for the second time and you want to hold my head in your hands – my unwashed head. I don’t look good I probably don’t even smell nice, but what the heck. It is just a massage on the head, isn’t it?” So I went for it anyway because I was curious what comes out of it. And well what came out of it eventually was that he stimulated quite powerfully all of my lower chakras – I was not certain whether I experienced the opening of my third eye, but thanks to him I see now things in a way I have never seen them before. This supposedly less than 1% solid matter of my body evaporated and transcended into something lighter than air by his touch. The bare idea of me was afloat, and I was watching and sensing it from another dimension. He was stroking over my face and kissed me on the lips.

Still being in the living room we got involved only as seriously and heavily as I still found it appropriate in a communal area with a baywindow with no blinds facing the opposite block on the other side of the street. At around 11PM we called it a night after I refused to go with him to the party he suggested me to accompany him to. I was tired and hungry and wanted to take a shower – and bask alone in the sweet memory and promise of the evening. In spite of my tiredness I felt fully charged energetically. At the same time I was confused. What was it all about? Does he want to see me again? Did it mean anything to him or did he just play out a habit of relating to most women almost automatically? Can I trust him?

Two days later I contributed on a venue for contemporary Scottish literature in the bookstore of my friend Jenny. I performed pieces of my classical repertoire in two 15 minute blocks. Carlos was supposed to come for the first one – only he did not. I had the strong feeling in advance that he wouldn’t, yet I still felt so disappointed and sad and angry that during the recital while the authors were reading passages of their own works I was struggling with my tears and all I heard was “It was all just for your boobs. You are a piece of meat. You allowed him to regard you as such; therefore you deserve to be treated as such”. This malicious speculation reflected my inner state of insecurity and lack of confidence infused with the beliefs bequeathed and deeply engraved into the collective consciousness of my Catholic family through generations - and had nothing to do with the motivation or feelings of Charlie (and even if it had by chance, this is not the point!). I knew I do not have to believe this voice. Still, this voice drowned out everything else (except for my awareness of it) and I was in pain. When I was singing I was fully focused in my activity and enjoyed it as much as I used to enjoy it other times – but as soon as I sat back to my place the stream of bitter, self-loathing thoughts came to the foreground again. I was not angry with Charlie. I was angry with myself. Or initially I was angry with Charlie and judged myself so harshly for it that I turned my anger towards myself instead because I still found it more ethical to be angry with myself than to be angry with someone else.

He apologized in a FB message for not attending. By the casual manner of his writing (considering his style and the delay of his response) I knew that I am not as important to him as I wished to be, also acknowledging the fact that his feelings and his behaviour are out of my control. I felt frustrated and tried to justify my frustration by calling him a jerk who basically reduced me to a body and was only after finding an object for his lust. The other part of me, the silent watcher and listener knew at the same time that the tactic of blaming won’t work for long. This part of me also knew that no matter what: ultimately I still love him. Regardless of what he does or misses to do to me. After all: love is the ultimate reality. In the next two weeks we have been messaging sporadically. By manipulating my own natural reaction time (I ignored his messages for days which never happens when communicating with friends) I was trying to mask my attachment to his reactions. I was riding this roller-coaster of hopeful excitement and fear, of joy and despair. When he neglected me for days I started to curse him knowing that it is pointless and that I just distract myself from my own issues pretending that my inner state of being is dependent on his actions. Pretending that he is responsible for how I feel about myself. It was strange to experience the split between my ego and super ego on this grade of tangibility. I watched the devil acting up in me and I knew it will be over. I knew it will be over the latest when I meet him again in person. I knew I could not look into his eyes and realize anything but love.

He suggested the next meeting and I instantly agreed.  Even as I had asked him, he preferred to avoid to say whether he planned to come for a singing lesson or should I expect something else? He came to my place and we started singing. I felt extremely confused since after the last occasion I decided to charge him for the following lesson – and wanted the payment in money and not in sex. But for the start I just took on whatever he wanted, and he wanted to sing. I could barely resist the urge to touch and meld with him and took real effort to remain as professional as I could under the circumstances given. We went through some exercises while I was forcing myself to concentrate solely on how he was singing to help him with my instructions. Then I offered him tea and ice-cream for refreshment and showed him my room to take a small break. There I found myself in his arms again and willingly gave up on my power to push him away. I could barely say that I did not think  classical vocalist classes were supposed to run this way and I would prefer not to give him any further lessons if this was the way we end up each time… … He asked me not to think, just be. What he did next was so wonderful that only by conjuring it up (even after more than a week has passed) my facial muscles almost cramp from my inerasable bright smile. I pulled him to the floor and we got very close to make love. He led my hand to his penis and after a while gently pushed it away. We were still cuddling when he said: “I am afraid we have to stop here, Bella, I am actually seeing someone else.” Perfect timing I thought. I released him from my embrace and turned my head away sinking my face into the broadloom carpet. He continued: “I met her shortly after I met you for the first time. We started seeing each other kind of parallel to you. With her it called for me. You caught me in a transitional period after my ex and I broke up…” -   My attention partly drifted away from his story. I still grasped the meaning of his words and could have repeated them literally but the greater part of my inner focus was reaching for the aching corner. For this familiar, dim and cosy place in me, where I can just wrap my hurt around myself and indulge in it. Only, this time I did not find it. Everything was bright and wide open and I could not hide. I could not hide from the fact that in spite of the input of Charlie’s narrative sifting through my intellect, I still felt almost ecstatically happy. I kept my face pressed to the floor, away from him, but he – stroking over my head - asked me to look at him: “Talk to me, please! What do you think?” I had no choice but to reveal my face still glowing with the joy of his presence. I looked into his face, purely, with no thought. This was all wording in me: “You are beautiful and I love everything about you.” I did not say anything out loud – I was speechless. He noted “I have just told you what a bastard I am and all about the jerkish things I did in the past to women and you still look at me with love.” I could not help it, this was all I felt.  At the same time, as if someone had pulled out an old reel, I noticed a series of negatives flashing in a distant light, containing samples of pre-programmed judgements, reactions and labels, all suggesting possible ways of relating to Charlie’s confession – but I did not choose to blow up any of them. I was not interested in narrowing down my newly discovered expanded reality to a single image, forming an opinion. The reality was love beyond all opinions, comments, judgements and feelings. Unconditional, all-inclusive love and appreciation, not just for his person, but universally, for being – for the being of all beings.

Later, after we parted outside and I was on my bike to Tesco’s I sensed the shadow of grief passing over me when the thought emerged “I won’t hold him in my arms ever again – this was a fleeting experience and I most likely won’t contrive replicas of it any soon”. Then the knowing part reminded the thinking part that eternity is experienced in each fully lived moment (so I visited eternity with Charlie). It reminded me that time spans only have relative value regarded from the limited human perspective. That for Source - which is the essence, origin and destiny of all beings - thousand years equal a moment, and a moment equals thousand years. That life is always in the now. That life is timeless, and experiences and circumstances are interchangeable. That it is a never ending game and that the less attachment I have to specific co-f-actors, the more fun I have with creating my own reality allowing my horizon to grow broader and broader offering more and more variety of components to select from and play with.

                                                              - 

It seems like Carlos receded from my physical experience for now. He left me with the present of a major shift. Telling me about how he used to go from girl to girl like the bee flies from flower to flower, I - instead of formulating a moral judgement (blowing up one of the negatives) - was genuinely fascinated by his ability to feel intense appreciation for so many, expressing it through erotic interaction. He truly is a lover of women. His countless expedition-tours conquering women were not - in the first place - propelled by his bodily urges: he was driven by a higher desire in the hierarchy of aesthetics; by the desire to explore female beauty in its utmost complexity and variety. Using the body as a tool and transcending it at the same time, reaching beyond the territory graspable with senses and conceivable with words.

I always thought of Tristan as of a natural lover of women too; he just chooses not to live it – on the surface. I reckon this might be one of the reasons I had to encounter both of them. I wanted to enjoy and admire men as widely and generally – as all encompassing: similar to them, voluptuaries of the opposite sex. I made a huge step forward in this respect. I started enjoying male company, what more, the mere presence of men as I never have before. Along with the practice of mindfulness and body awareness my sensitivity gradually built up and refined to perceive the vibrational exchange with an unprecedented accuracy that occurs when interacting with others. I can clearly sense the difference in my own energetic charge according to whom I let into my personal space – and whether it is a male or a female. I am aware of the immediate shift in my energetic balance when talking to men, and I find it very pleasant.

As for myself I know that it is not necessary to make a sexual connection to men in order to engage in energetic co-production with them or to cherish their unique beauty. I still cannot part my soul from my body and if I begin to share my body I have to share all that I am as a logical consequence. I must share quotes and songs with the person I make love to – I must introduce him to my thoughts, and discuss my taste in music, literature and art. And all of that in big volume (at least initially) and frequently. And vice versa: the other person has to make an intellectual and emotional impact on me so that I feel excitement and inspiration by whatever he says or introduces me to. This is why polyamory, casual sex with beneficial friends and one night stands are still not an option for me. Sometimes I wish they were – since I have to deal with my hormones like anybody else – but they are not.

 Do you want romance?

 When we were lying on the floor, Charlie asked: “It depends on what you want. Do you want romance?” I never asked myself the same before as I have never regarded it as a question of subjective preference or choice. I thought all humans were inherently determined to long for romance since this longing is as much of an integrant part of the human nature as mortality is. I was also convinced that those who refuse to have this experience when the opportunity presents itself and claim not to have the desire for it are fooling themselves, subconsciously trying to avoid disappointment and putting up emotional barriers as part of the automatic self-defence mechanism. I do not know what Charlie understood under “romance”, but at the moment he asked me I grasped the essence of the term in the criteria of exclusiveness. I associate romance with the belief that “I found the ONE who amongst all men is exclusively special for me – and I, amongst all women, am exclusively special for him. We are predestined for each other as soulmates.”

I always thought of Tristan as of a soulmate of mine. I never experienced being so much in accord with anybody else. This is why the apparent untimeliness of entering each other’s lives (with him being in a long-term relationship) affected me with excruciating pain. Of course there is no “untimeliness” in a perfect universe that is functioning like clockwork. I “accidentally” bumped into an Abraham-video that explains the “soulmate-phenomenon”. Abraham says that one of the most frustrating experiences is when you meet a soulmate of yours but you (one of you or both of you) are not in vibrational alignment with what your soul was asking for. In other words when someone enters your experience for whom you were asking for, and you – because of your hindering beliefs and lack of understanding or confidence - are not ready to receive him or her yet. Abraham encourages us to match up our vibration with our desires, meaning, that if we long for a meaningful relationship filled with joy, humour, sensuality and inspiration on all levels then first we have to find these qualities in ourselves, amplify them and feel into them until they come to fruition in the manifested world bringing the lover we wanted – and enjoy the process. He/she also says that there is not just one soulmate for each of us, but there are many more around for everybody and with vibrational fine-tuning we will draw them into our experience.

There is no need for the desperate search for a needle in a haystack.  Charlie was an example, a confirmation for that. Triggered by the conversation with him now I refuse to believe the myth of exclusiveness (I have never seen it as a myth or a dilemma up until Charlie challenged it). I do not want to have a romance in the sense of possessive love and emotional attachment tempting to define myself through the special one on my side. “For me being with someone is about practicalities” stated Charlie plainly. Again, how I interpreted it for myself was: “there are many wonderful women – ultimately I have to choose and settle for the one most compatible with my lifestyle and try to be faithful to her”. It was the un-, or even anti-romantic statement by definition, and I took comfort in it. In fact it produced in me a change of paradigm. He mentioned, this other girl fits into his world more than I do – she knows his friends and can handle (at least to some extent) his passion for other women. “She is really good for me.” I believed him and was glad for him.  I regarded it as a stronger and more significant pronouncement than “I love her”.

“Men who pursue a multitude of women fit neatly into two categories. Some seek their own subjective and unchanging dream of a woman in all women. Others are prompted by a desire to possess the endless variety of the objective female world.

The obsession of the former is lyrical: what they seek in women is themselves, their ideal, and since an ideal is by definition something that can never be found, they are disappointed again and again. The disappointment that propels them from woman to woman gives their inconstancy a kind of romantic excuse, so that many sentimental women are touched by their unbridled philandering.

The obsession of the latter is epic, and women see nothing the least bit touching in it: the man projects no subjective ideal on women, and since everything interests him, nothing can disappoint him. This inability to be disappointed has something scandalous about it. The obsession of the epic womanizer strikes people as lacking in redemption (redemption by disappointment).” /Milan Kundera: The unbearable lightness of being/

Kundera must be right. I most likely was not touched by Charlie in the subjective-romantic sense, but he certainly inspired me, winning my objective admiration for being the powerful, authentic man he is; consequently following his stomach (he emphasised “not my heart – my stomach” - I suppose what he meant was gutfeeling) and going for the things he wants, regardless of what anybody else might think. I took the boost he offered for my life with delight and hope to use it for the best.

Tristan is in the latent phase of being a lyrical womanizer, while Charlie is trying to leave his active phase behind as an epic womanizer.

Meeting them in succession I evolved from a lyrical love-seeker to an epic love-allower.

This is where Charlie left me – just on the right spot for a fresh start.

[lmcompea-blog]

She Done Already Done Had Herses; The Dialect of Drag Queens

Drag: to quote Rupaul, “Aren’t we all just mens in wigs?” Simply, drag is the art of female impersonation. This is usually seen by men dressing as women, with varying styles and levels of realism. It is a performance art as well, with the “queens” as they are called lipsynching to various songs, usually by a female artist. It is a highly visual medium of art, with the makeup, wardrobe and movement of the queen displaying her personality. Aesthetics do not always suffice, and many queens are also comedians.

What is Drag?

The drag community is a subset of the LGBT+ community. Drag queens are frequently gay men, though there are many trans women or non-binary people who perform as drag queens. The idea of “female” impersonation is sometimes challenged as well, with some queens refusing to fully conceal their masculinity while embracing some femininity. It becomes a creative way to explore and challenge societal expectations of gender. This stray from the rigid gender binary has caused some controversy among queens.

As a community, drag queens do not necessarily share a common goal, instead they are grouped by their shared medium of performance. They mentor each other and help each other to improve their art. There is more of a connection between drag queens than other performers, like actors, as the community is smaller and not as widely known or accepted. Rampant homophobia has prevented most drag queens from breaking into the mainstream, though shows like “Rupaul’s Drag Race”, and the presence of social media has changed this threshold. Recent legislation in the United States has also allowed for more equality for the LGBT community, and this further reduces the barriers.

Herstory of Drag

Drag began as early as the late 1800’s as a way to mock women. It remained this way until the 1930’s when it began to be associated with the LGBT community and less with making women the butt of a joke. In the 1930’s, gay bars began to emerge, and in these drag started to be performed. There was a large government crackdown on the LGBT community in the 1950’s and 60’s, in which men would be arrested for wearing women’s clothing. The drag scene began to become mainstream in the 80’s, but remained relatively underground until recently. I largely credit Rupaul’s Drag Race with bringing drag to the mainstream.

Rupaul’s Drag Race is  reality TV show where drag queens compete for the title of America’s Next Drag Superstar by completing a series of challenges. It is an excellent mix of a competition style show with drama filled reality TV. The show makes many references to the history of drag. A fan favourite challenge, the reading challenge, is always introduced as, “In the great tradition of Paris is Burning, reading is fundamental.” Paris is Burning and the 80’s NYC drag scene is also referenced in the Ball challenge each season. A theme is given, and then three looks are shown in a runway style and judged based on how they fit the theme. This is not exactly how the Ball circuit operates, but it is a modification that brings the idea of the Ball to the mainstream.

The Ball Circuit

The Ball Circuit is fully demonstrated in the film Paris is Burning (available on Netflix for your viewing pleasure!) The documentary follows balck NYC drag queens in the late 1980’s. It goes into detail of the Ball system. In the Ball, there are many categories in which somebody can “walk”, meaning compete. These include dancing, like vogueing, or a certain style of dress. These styles of dress are described as “realness”. The goal is to be as realistic as possible for the category provided, as in Executive Realness meaning dress exactly as an executive. Not all categories require drag, but it is a crucial element. The queens compete as part of  “house”, like the House of Extravaganza, or more recently, the Haus of Aja. They compete as a team, but outside the balls act as a family. Many LGBT people have been disowned by their families, especially people of colour, so they find family in their community and in their house.

Okay, But What About Drag Queen Slang?

So we have covered the herstory of drag, and Paris is Burning, but what is reading? Among the drag community, there are various significant terms with definitions other than those found in the common English language. These include;

Reading (v): to read is to insult somebody in a comedic way, an example is, “Jiggly Caliente, you’re such a fat slut after sex you smoke hams.” (Sharon Needles)

Fishy (adj): if a queen is fishy, it means she could pass as a woman. The opposite of this is a butch queen, who looks very unrealistic.

She Done Already Done Had Herses (?): the meaning of this is unknown. Rupaul said it on Drag Race to replace the “She-mail” phrase, but Ru herself has never stated a clear meaning.

Beat (n,v,adj): as a verb, to beat your face means to do your makeup. As an adjective, saying somebody is beat, means their makeup is done very well. Somebody’s beat can also mean their face.

Mug (n): a person’s face, usually with a good beat

Cliffhangers (n): when somebody is wearing an open toed shoe that is too small and their toes hang over the edge, they are referred to as cliffhangers, because it appears as though the toes are hanging off a cliff.

Sickening (adj): amazing, usually referring to the appearance of something or someone

Tuck (n,v): to tuck is to take the penis and testes and pull them back and up towards to rectum to imitate the appearance of a vagina. A tuck is the result of this act.

Shade (n): a negative remark made about somebody, but not necessarily in a comedic way. To throw shade is to made these comments.

Shady (adj): describes a person who frequently throws shade.

Campy (adj): exaggerated and unrealistic. A more traditional drag style that does not strive for realism or femininity. Campy queens tend to be more comedic, as they do not rely on aesthetics alone.

Clock (v): to notice a flaw

Kai-Kai (n,v): sex, specifically between two drag queens

Ki-Ki (n): a conversations consisting solely of gossip, two people “have a ki-ki”, meaning they gossipped.

Slay (n): similar to the common slang of “killing” something, it means to do very well at

Tea (n): gossip

Werk (n): an expression for when somebody is doing something very well

Ideally, if I say “Yas queen werk your mug is beat! Slay queen! You’re sickening! You’re unclockable!” it should make sense.

Drag and Me

I am not a drag queen, which is rather obvious because I am not a gay man so I cannot be one. I was introduced to drag fairly recently through social media and my friends. I love drag as an idea and the amount of artistic expression or humour that can be conveyed through drag. I think drag is evolving as the idea of gender in our society is changing. It is becoming less rigid in what can and cannot be done. It is evolving past just female impersonation, and is becoming about bending the concept of gender.

Two of my favourite queens are both winners of Rupaul’s Drag Race, Bianca Del Rio and Sasha Velour. Bianca Del Rio won season 6 of drag race and is a campy comedy queen. I’ve been fortunate enough to see her live, and she is absolutely hysterical. She is unapologetically offensive yet balances it so well with her humour. She also works out of drag as a costumer in NYC. Sasha Velour is from Brooklyn, New York, and won the most recent season of Drag Race. She is not a comedy queen, and instead uses drag for artistic expression and as a way to play with gender. She is a bald queen and does not always wear wigs, doing so to honour her mother who died from cancer. These queens are just a small example of the wide variety in the drag world.

To Conclude

Drag is a diverse form of self expression largely associated with the LGBT community. Historically, it has been shamed and looked down upon, but recently it has gained more positive attention. There is a distinct dialect among drag queens that is not widely used, though many terms are beginning to become more common. Drag has changed over time as society’s perception of gender has become less rigid, and is used to challenge traditional gender norms. Drag Queens may seem like they are just mens in wigs, but what they bring to the world is much more than that.