#dysfunctional squad

[noobiestnoober]

Road Trip from Hell (Reader, Damon, Caroline, and Klaus)

A simple road trip to New Orleans turns into absolute chaos when Damon refuses to follow directions, Caroline tries to keep the peace, Klaus keeps making sarcastic comments from the back seat, and you’re the only one who actually knows how to read a map.

It was supposed to be a simple road trip. A straight shot from Mystic Falls to New Orleans. No detours. No distractions. No disasters. But that plan flew out the window the moment Damon decided he was the best person to drive.

"GPS is for amateurs," he smirked, ignoring the blinking route on the screen. "Real men trust their instincts."

"Real men also don’t get us lost in Georgia when we’re supposed to be going southwest," you muttered from the passenger seat, clutching the crumpled map like it was the only anchor to sanity in the car.

From the back seat, Klaus gave a low chuckle. "This is delightful. I haven’t been this entertained since the French Revolution."

Caroline, stuck in the middle between a murderous Original and a reckless Salvatore, was already on her third attempt to play peacemaker. "Can we please just follow the map? It’s literally printed with directions."

Damon waved her off. "It’s just a suggestion."

"It’s not a suggestion if it’s the only thing keeping us from ending up in a ditch, Damon," you snapped.

Another wrong turn. Another heavy sigh from you. Yet another overly amused remark from Klaus.

"If he takes one more exit labeled ‘Scenic Route,’ I may compel him to walk the rest of the way," Klaus drawled, resting his head back, utterly unfazed.

Caroline turned to you with pleading eyes. "Please tell me you know where we are."

You pointed at the map. "If we don’t die of dehydration or each other, we might make it to New Orleans by tomorrow morning."

Damon flashed a grin. "See? Adventure builds character."

Klaus hummed thoughtfully. "So does trauma."

The tension in the car thickened with every passing hour. Damon insisted on choosing every pit stop: a suspicious roadside diner with a neon sign that flickered like it was about to short-circuit, a gas station that looked abandoned until a toothless man emerged with a shotgun and a smile, and a bizarre detour into a county fair where Klaus disappeared for an hour and returned with cotton candy and blood on his sleeve.

"Don’t ask," he said with a wink when Caroline noticed. She turned a shade paler than usual, clutching her purse like a lifeline.

As if things weren’t already spiraling, the radio only played static unless Damon hit it just right—then it screeched into heavy metal or country breakup songs. There was no in-between. At some point, you gave up and opened the window, hoping the fresh air would stop the incoming headache.

Nightfall came, and still, Damon refused to admit he was lost. You were running out of snacks, patience, and phone battery. Caroline, bless her overly optimistic heart, kept trying to organize a new route using her nearly-dead phone, but Google Maps had apparently given up too.

"We passed that tree before," you said, your voice dry with exhaustion.

"You can’t prove that," Damon shot back, eyes on the road, smirk in place.

"It has a face painted on it. In red. I think we can prove it."

Klaus, clearly enjoying the spiral, chimed in again. "Perhaps it’s fate. Maybe we’re meant to perish together in the wilds of the South."

Caroline groaned. "Okay, enough! I’m putting my foot down. Damon, pull over. We’re switching drivers."

He raised an eyebrow but kept driving. You reached for the steering wheel.

"Touch that wheel, and I swear—"

"What? You’ll get us lost in another state?" you challenged.

The car swerved slightly, but Damon grudgingly pulled over. You threw open the door, walked around, and yanked open his.

"Move."

Klaus clapped slowly from the back seat. "Bravo. The only sensible one among us."

Once you slid behind the wheel, peace—tenuous as it was—settled over the car. Caroline exhaled like she hadn’t breathed in two hours. Damon sulked in the passenger seat like a grounded teenager.

"Now," you said, eyes on the road, hands on the wheel, "we follow the actual directions. No shortcuts. No scenic routes. No distractions."

"Where’s the fun in that?" Damon grumbled.

"In making it there alive," Caroline and you said in unison.

Klaus chuckled. "Well, this just got less fun. But considerably safer."

As you finally merged onto the correct highway, the city lights of New Orleans shimmering faintly in the distance, there was a collective sigh of relief. And then the tire pressure light came on.

"You’ve got to be kidding me," you muttered.

Klaus laughed. Damon cursed. Caroline reached for the last protein bar and broke it into three pieces.

"If the car explodes, I just want it on record that I voted for flying," Caroline mumbled.

Chaos, as always, wasn’t far behind.

[tri-cologe]

I genuinely can’t believe that, for the longest time, the fandom has portrayed Anhane as the established couple and Akitoya as the messy and recent one when, canonically, it has been the opposite for ages at this point.

Like, Akito and Toya are happily married with three cats and both of them are well aware of this fact. Meanwhile, An and Kohane are technically dating but neither of the two is sure of it, they’re locked in this gay-as-fuck situationship but won’t take the first step because “Oh god, what if she doesn’t like me like that?? What if I’m misinterpreting everything??” and it’s been on-and-off for years now. Add An’s abandonment issues into the mix and you get an even more delicious mess.

TLDR: let my yaoi be (mostly) pure and wholesome and let my yuri be complex and unstable.

[schnumn]

Nope

[gaang-incorrect-quotes]

Azula: Ty Lee, what do you have?

Ty Lee: A KNIFE!

Azula: Okay, have fu-

Zuko: NO!

[pelideswhore]

i have this very deep longing for the house of atreus right now

[chaosbrainsblog]

guys. what if i make a delivery debbie animatic with pizza heroes by lemon demon.

[abnormalpsychology]

Why does Chatgpt Rupaul have a better grip on this concept than many of my past therapists

[yaoist]

lots of answers to questions like "what if the worst most annoying twitter tankie friend group ended up in control of a country" in this book

[mastcrmarksman]

☎️

Send ☎️ And I Will Tell You:

Remembering how goth your Wanda is and all the cthon stuff, Clint absolutely is spooked out by her sometimes. Clint has one brush with Pietro and he's complaining to Wanda about that.

[punkbarbarian]

id: two digital drawings of four dnd characters from lost township. waylon is an old man with grey skin and hair tied back in a ponytail, small round glasses, and blue eyes. he is wearing red earrings, a pink shirt with a tan vest and a dark blue cravat. he has his arm around kelsey, a changeling with light skin and short blonde hair. they are wearing a dark shirt with a grey vest over it, and silver sun and moon pins on the lapel. they have round silver glasses, black lipstick, and brown eyes. next to them is lizzie, a coyote shifter with brown skin and short, curly orange hair. her eyes are the same color as her hair. she has pointed ears and is wearing small gold earrings. a small scar is on her left cheek. she is looking at waylon and kelsey and gritting her teeth. her arms are crossed over her chest. she is wearing a high collared blue shirt and a leather chestplate. behind all three of them is scruggs, an orc with green skin and short black hair. he has brown eyes and is smiling. he has a short beard and gold earrings at the tops of his pointed ears. he is wearing a brown tank top. he has two star tattoos on either side of his chest and epaulets tattooed on his shoulders. he has one arm resting on waylon’s shoulder. the first drawing has a transparent background, and the second has a two-toned purple background.

for luka @creacherkeeper’s birthday i got him a commission of his beloved fucked up family from my friend anika on twitter! i love it so much and i’m so happy with how it turned out :)

happy (belated) birthday old man, i love you <3

[lemon-wedges]

.....

[balee-art]

What a dysfunctional squad.

[lets-steal-an-archive]

By Bernie Sanders | July 13, 2024

I will do all that I can to see that President Biden is re-elected. Why? Despite my disagreements with him on particular issues, he has been the most effective president in the modern history of our country and is the strongest candidate to defeat Donald Trump — a demagogue and pathological liar. It’s time to learn a lesson from the progressive and centrist forces in France who, despite profound political differences, came together this week to soundly defeat right-wing extremism.

I strongly disagree with Mr. Biden on the question of U.S. support for Israel’s horrific war against the Palestinian people. The United States should not provide Benjamin Netanyahu’s right-wing extremist government with another nickel as it continues to create one of the worst humanitarian disasters in modern history.

I strongly disagree with the president’s belief that the Affordable Care Act, as useful as it has been, will ever address America’s health care crisis. Our health care system is broken, dysfunctional and wildly expensive and needs to be replaced with a “Medicare for all” single-payer system. Health care is a human right.

And those are not my only disagreements with Mr. Biden.

But for over two weeks now, the corporate media has obsessively focused on the June presidential debate and the cognitive capabilities of a man who has, perhaps, the most difficult and stressful job in the world. The media has frantically searched for every living human being who no longer supports the president or any neurologist who wants to appear on TV. Unfortunately, too many Democrats have joined that circular firing squad.

Yes. I know: Mr. Biden is old, is prone to gaffes, walks stiffly and had a disastrous debate with Mr. Trump. But this I also know: A presidential election is not an entertainment contest. It does not begin or end with a 90-minute debate.

Enough! Mr. Biden may not be the ideal candidate, but he will be the candidate and should be the candidate. And with an effective campaign taht speaks to the needs of working families, he will not only defeat Mr. Trump but beat him badly. It’s time for Democrats to stop the bickering and nit-picking.

I understand that some Democrats get nervous about having to explain the president’s gaffes and misspeaking names. But unlike the Republicans, they do not have to explain away a candidate who now has 34 felony convictions and faces charges that could lead to dozens of additional convictions, who has been hit with a $5 million judgment after he was found liable in a sexual abuse case, who has been involved in more than 4,000 lawsuits, who has repeatedly gone bankrupt and who has told thousands of documented lies and falsehoods.

Supporters of Mr. Biden can speak proudly about a good and decent Democratic president with a record of real accomplishment. The Biden administration, as a result of the American Rescue Plan, helped rebuild the economy during the pandemic far faster than economists thought possible. At a time when people were terrified about the future, the president and those of us who supported him in Congress put Americans back to work, provided cash benefits to desperate parents and protected small businesses, hospitals, schools and child care centers.

After decades of talk about our crumbling roads, bridges and water systems, we put more money into rebuilding America’s infrastructure than ever before — which is projected to create millions of well-paying jobs. And we did not stop there. We made the largest-ever investment in climate action to save the planet. We canceled student debt for nearly five million financially strapped Americans. We cut prices for insulin and asthma inhalers, capped out-of-pocket costs for prescription drugs and got free vaccines to the American people. We battled to defend women’s rights in the face of moves by Trump-appointed jurists to roll back reproductive freedom and deny women the right to control their own bodies.

So, yes, Mr. Biden has a record to run on. A strong record. But he and his supporters should never suggest that what’s been accomplished is sufficient. To win the election, the president must do more than just defend his excellent record. He needs to propose and fight for a bold agenda that speaks to the needs of the vast majority of our people — the working families of this country, the people who have been left behind for far too long.

At a time when the billionaires have never had it so good and when the United States is experiencing virtually unprecedented income and wealth inequality, over 60 percent of Americans live paycheck to paycheck, real weekly wages for the average worker have not risen in over 50 years, 25 percent of seniors live each year on $15,000 or less, we have a higher rate of childhood poverty than almost any other major country, and housing is becoming more and more unaffordable — among other crises.

This is the wealthiest country in the history of the world. We can do better. We must do better. Joe Biden knows that. Donald Trump does not. Joe Biden wants to tax the rich so that we can fund the needs of working families, the elderly, the children, the sick and the poor. Donald Trump wants to cut taxes for the billionaire class. Joe Biden wants to expand Social Security benefits. Donald Trump and his friends want to weaken Social Security. Joe Biden wants to make it easier for workers to form unions and collectively bargain for better wages and benefits. Donald Trump wants to let multinational corporations get away with exploiting workers and ripping off consumers. Joe Biden respects democracy. Donald Trump attacks it.

This election offers a stark choice on issue after issue. If Mr. Biden and his supporters focus on these issues — and refuse to be divided and distracted — the president will rally working families to his side in the industrial Midwest swing states and elsewhere and win the November election. And let me say this as emphatically as I can: For the sake of our kids and future generations, he must win.

Bernie Sanders is the senior senator from Vermont.

[kimarii-00]

Honey would please write something like when Armando left his gf she is a hacker and a weapon specialist without saying anything turned out that's not the only person he left behind. ( Tiny a baby girl who like to hold a wooden spoon ) They meet again when they going to the ammo squad in bad boys for . Her Kelly are besties . Very very angst.

(I accidentally deleted the ask, but I wrote it down before I did so above is the prompt for this, asked by anonymous)

Regrets and Punishments

❥Summary: Armando knows he made a mistake. He knew when he decided that his mother was more important than his girlfriend. But he planned to return to her, he did. He never could’ve anticipated being gone for as long as he was. Seeing her face again was like getting shot: You get that adrenaline rush, yet the pain ends up biting you in the ass later on. Especially when he discovers what, or dare I say, who he also left behind all that time ago.

❥Warnings: Slow burn, kidnapping, language

❥Word Count: 2.7k

❥Part 1/2

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AN: I’m ngl I’m not sure if you meant that you wanted them to have a kid or not, but I wrote it just in case, let me know if that's not what you wanted and I’ll rewrite it! (I also gave the kid a name)

I think I’m going to make this a two parter because I kinda took this prompt and ran with it lol

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He never thought he’d see you again. As much as he didn’t want to, he accepted the fact that he’d fucked up your relationship when he decided to leave you in favor of helping his mothers’ dirty work. He didn’t even give you so much as a call after he’d left to let you know that he was even alive. He only hoped that you were doing fine on your own.

Nonchalantly, Armando walked through the door to the house of the people Mike and Marcus knew, not giving a damn about the warning to stay outside like Mike had told him to. No wonder a gun was drawn and pointed at him as soon as he stepped foot in the home.

“Woah, woah! Kelly-” Mike began his attempt to mediate the situation, “I asked you to wait outside for a second… Alright, Kelly, he’s with us.” Standing in between the gun and his son.

“He can’t be here.” Kelly retorted, keeping her gaze on the wanted criminal standing before her.

“This is my son, Armando.”

“I know who he is and that’s why he can’t be here,” The gun never faltered as she spoke with a solid, demanding voice, “I trust you with my life, but I sure as shit don’t trust him.”

“I trust him,” Mike confirmed.

“Then take him to your house.”

Dorn cleared his throat, trying to release some of the tension that had built in the room. Armando said nothing as Dorn came over to try to calm his girlfriend, and Mike took his son to the opposite side of the room.

Marcus sat down on the couch in the middle of the room and snatched up a bag of chips, “This is some dysfunctional shit.” He said, looking back and forth between the two duos.

They came back together after a minute or two. “She’s fine,” Dorn said.

“She don’t look fine…” Marcus expressed, taking in the obvious irritation and discomfort on her face.

“I’m fine.”

“Yes, you are.” Everyone turned in the direction of Armando, where he only opened the fridge to grab a drink.

“It’s the language barrier,” Marcus explained to Dorn.

“It was English!”

“It was definitely English.”

“I have to call someone. I’ll be back,” Kelly said, picking up her phone and already beginning to dial, “If I’m going to do this I’m gonna need another girl here. She’ll be able to help with the tech stuff too.”

“Is it–” Dorn began, but cut himself off when Kelly nodded, “Tell her to leave Demi at home, we don’t know what kind of shit we’re getting into.”

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When you got the call from Kelly, you weren’t entirely sure what to make of it. She told you she needed you to come over, but when you asked her why, she only said something about “emotional support”. You’d tried to press her for more details but she only mentioned having some people over and needing your tech skills. After a while, you just decided you’d go, but not before you handled your own business.

“Demi, come here please!” You called out while folding another shirt, making a nice crease and adding it to your pile of similar neatly folded shirts.

The aggressive pitter-patter of small feet hitting your hardwood floors alerted you that the person you’d called for was on their way.

“Mama!” You felt the bed on which you were folding clothes dip a bit as a weight threw itself into the soft mattress. You smile when you set your eyes on the girl who is smiling to herself contently—your daughter.

“Mimi, mama has to leave soon,” You said as you picked her up and set her on your hip so you could continue to fold while holding your toddler, “Tiara should be here soon to look after you, okay?” You say, referring to your babysitter that you should probably be paying more considering how many times you’ve called her in the past week or so.

“Mama leaving… again?” Your heart dropped when you watched the smile fade from your daughter's face when she realized you were going to be gone and she was going to be left with the babysitter for what felt like the hundredth time. You always felt bad when things like this came up but… you couldn’t just blow Kelly off. Not after all she’s done for you.

“Yes… Mama’s leaving, I’m sorry baby but I promise I’ll be back as soon as I can okay?” You tried to cheer her up by giving her stomach a few tickles but your daughter was as stubborn as they come, her pout seemingly permanently stuck to her face.

The doorbell stole your attention and you gently set your daughter down. She followed you to the front door, and when you opened it her permanent pout was replaced with nothing but… confusion. You joined her in sporting this facial expression when you both looked at the stranger at your doorstep.

“Can I.. help you?” You ask the woman. She had a soft smile on her face, but for some reason, it didn’t seem welcoming.

“I’m your babysitter.” The woman replied.

“Um… I’m sorry there must be some mistake. My usual babysitter’s name is Tiara, I called her a while ago-”

“Tiara asked me to come here in her stead, she isn’t feeling too well, unfortunately. I’m a coworker of hers.” The woman explained, but you weren’t convinced. Tiara hadn’t mentioned any of this to you when you called her-

Just then, as you were about to make up your mind about whether or not you wanted to slam the door on the lady, you received a message from… Tiara.

3:34 Tiara (Babysitter): Hey, so sorry for the inconvenience but I’m not feeling good today, I sent over my coworker because I know you needed a sitter ASAP! Her name is Sara.

“What was your name again?” You asked, slowly taking your eyes off of your phone and to the lady, still wearing that smile on her face.

“Sara.”

You look her up and down once more before stepping to the side to let the woman inside. Your daughter hid behind and clung to your leg, only peeking out when she was sure the strange woman was not looking at her.

“Um… This is Demi,” You gesture to the girl who has glued herself to your right leg. You try to get her to say hello but she refuses. Sara stoops down to your daughter's level and tries to wave at her but Demi only scooches further out of sight. “The fridge is fully stocked, there are only a few weres, really: Don’t invite anyone else over, no drinking, oh and her bedtime is 8:30.”

“Please do not worry, I’m sure me and Demi will have a great time together.” Sara expresses, that damn smile still plastered on her face. There’s something about this lady that you just don’t like, but if Tiara sent her then it’s probably just you overreacting, right?

“Right… Could I get your phone number, just in case?” You say. She recites her number to you and you quickly enter it into your phone and save the contact, just in case of an emergency. You then turn around and kneel to look your daughter in the face.

“Be good, okay Mimi? I promise I’ll be back soon,” You say, giving her a quick peck on the forehead and a hug. She looks extremely hesitant and to be honest, so are you, but you’re already running late… “I love you.”

“I love you too,” Demi says meekly.

You smile and turn to leave.

If Tiara sent her, there shouldn’t be a problem, right?

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You parked in front of the house that your best friend and her boyfriend lived in. You had no guesses as to why she called you here, but if your technology skills could be useful to her, you’d want to help in any way you can.

You knock on the door and after a while, Kelly answers but stops you before you can go inside. “We kind of got ourselves in some shit, we’ll fill you in.”

She grabs your wrist, pulls you inside, and closes the door shut. The first thing that you lay your eyes on is the monitors that Dorn was sifting through. Pulling up various pictures of people and files that look confidential.

Should I even be here right now…?

“What's the situation?” You ask as you move towards Dorn.

“Remember when we told you all that stuff about Captain Conrad–”

“(Name)?”

You pause when you hear your name. The voice sounds so familiar you're almost scared to turn around and see who it was that called you. You think you know who it was that called, which is probably another reason as to why it takes you so very long to fully turn and face the man that has broken your heart time and time again.

It’s like the world stopped. All of a sudden, everyone in that room except for the man in front of you was irrelevant. There were so many things you wanted to say, yet no words left your mouth.

What is he doing here?

Why is he here?

All of the emotions flowing through you quickly became too much. Without a word, your feet guided you to the nearest room in which you could be alone.

“Do yall know each other?” Mike asked, but received no answer when his son went after the girl, “Do they know each other?” He asked in a more general way, but was met with nothing. The tension silenced everyone.

You ripped your arm out of the hand that had caught it when you reached the empty room. “Get the fuck off of me! What the hell are you doing here?” You exclaimed angrily. All of a sudden, all of those feelings you felt were entirely replaced by rage. Anger, directed at the man who’d left you without a second thought.

“I–” Armando began, but was cut off.

“Y’know what, I don’t care! Get the hell out of my face!”

“(Name), wait– stop,” He said, grabbing hold of your bicep when you tried to turn away from him again.

“You have some fucking nerve!” You growled, entirely in shock of the fact that he thinks he’ll just have a nice chat with you, “I haven’t seen your ass in years! Not a fucking call, or even a damn text! Nothing!”

“I know, I know, I didn’t plan on it being like that,” he pointed out. In actuality, he had no clue or reason as to why he followed you here. He knew he fucked up their relationship and a few words wasn’t going to change that fact. So why was he so desperate to get you to hear him out? He was never like this. It’s been years, why do you still have this weird affect on him?

“Yeah? Well I never planned on being abandoned by you, but look where we fuckin’ are now. Get the hell away from me,” You seethed. He had no clue how hard you were trying not to cry, “I said get the hell off of me!”

You snatch your arm from his grip. Deep down, underneath all of the anger that had boiled up to the surface, you’d missed Armando. You really did. Dealing with the pain of losing him, and never hearing from him until, well now. Taking care of Demi–

Does he even know about Demi? Does he know he’s a…

“Guys, so sorry to interrupt but we have a problem,” Kelly announced from around a corner. You hold eye contact with Armando for a few more seconds, trying to read his face but ultimately giving up. You didn’t want anything to do with him anymore. You stomp out of the room, and he lags behind you.

Upon entering the room where everyone was gathering around Dorn and his monitors, you see he is tapped into someone's security feed, which you quickly find out is Marcus’ and Mikes’ homes where their families were. Dorn was notifying the police to send backup and you realize that there are people attempting to break into the homes. Does this have something to do with their investigation with Captain Conrad?

Mike and Marcus grab their phones and quickly make calls, telling their people to hide, and leave their houses. You watch the cameras and watch as the masked men make their way into the two guys’ respective houses.

“Fuck, fuck!” Marcus says when he watches someone from his house grab a gun from a safe and hide the rest of the family in a closet. You can only home that whoever Marcus decided to trust with his family’s safety was skilled.

Everyone watches and commentates on the man's performance in the security feed, taking down the trespassers one by one until he is able to safely transport the rest of the family out of the house, but not before saluting to the security camera for us onlookers to see.

Mike is not so lucky, as he is not able to reach his wife in time to warn her and the girl who was with her at the time. We all have to watch when she’s easily overpowered and tied up. Mike is still on the phone with her, able to hear everything that’s going on.

A sudden devious voice sounds through the phone, one that was definitely not his wife, “Mr. Lowrey.”

“Who am I speaking to?” Mike lowers his voice and says in a serious tone.

“I think you know who you’re speaking to,” the voice says ominously, “I need your boy, and whatever evidence your beloved Captain has foiled away.” You eye Armando whose eyes were flicking back and forth from the phone to Mike, “And for that, you can have your wife. I’ll call you back with instructions.”

“Ah, shit…” Mike grumbles, but the man on the other side of the phone has not yet hung up.

“Ms. (Name), I know you’re there as well.” Your heart drops to your toes. What could this man want with you? “I’d go ahead and check the security systems for your house as well.” A beep was heard as the man hung up and your eyes widened. No…

He wouldn't, right? You had nothing to do with this operation.

Nevertheless, you pushed Dorn out of the way and pulled up your homes’ cameras, and scanned for anything out of the ordinary. You spotted Demi playing with dolls in her room. The only thing was that you couldn’t spot the babysitter, but you figured she must’ve been in the bathroom.

You let out the breath you didn’t realize you were holding in.

“Who’s kid is that?” Armando spoke up. You looked over but didn’t fully turn around, fearing he’d already figured it out, and just wanted clarification. You were afraid. You were afraid that if he found out, he’d come back into your life. Demi’s life. You didn’t want to get hurt again. You don’t think you could handle him leaving you again, so you stayed silent. You left the question to hang in the air.

The breath you let out was sucked back in when you saw your front door open slightly, then all the way and three masked intruders walked in. “Fuck!” You exclaimed, snatching up your phone and dialing the phone number you’d received from the new babysitter before. She answered after one ring, which you were entirely grateful for, “Sara, grab Demi and get the hell out of there, now. Please!” You frantically spew out. You’d be surprised if she caught any of that.

There was no response on the other end until Sara spoke, “There’s people in the house?” She asked, too calm for your liking.

“Yes, so grab Demi and get the fuck out of there. Take the window if you have to, they’re searching the living room right now,” You say, watching the men search the living room and kitchen, slowly making their way down the hallway which they would find your daughter.

Again, no response. That is, until the chilling words made their way into your ears. “Finally, I was wondering when they’d arrive.” And she hung up.

Your eyes were blown wide enough to where you were sure you were going to start hearing colors and seeing sounds. You were speechless and your heart was racing a mile a minute as you watched the ‘babysitter’ pick your daughter up and… deliver her to the intruders.

You could only watch, helpless as your daughter was kidnapped.

What the hell just happened?

[dumbbitchgalore]

💖 Cockwarming old man!Price 💖

TW: nsfw, mean!Price, kinda abusive??, possible alcohol abuse

Part 2

Last post I talked about blowjobs with old man!Price with a sprinkle of cockwarming. However this wil be dedicated to cockwarming with Price.

Now this can go one of two ways

Option 1: John is having an extremely shitty day trying to come to terms with his retirement

Or

Option 2: John becomes self-conscious of his mind due to his erectile dysfunction and wholeheartedly believes that his lucky charm will leave him for someone virile.

Let’s go with option 1

He is absolutely gutted about his retirement and the only way he can express it is through anger

John doesn't cry, he never does

This wholre retirement just reinforces how obselete he's become to his squad that he built from nothing

And the beer only helps qualm his thoughts about everything he's done in his life

He goes through every major life event and thinks what he couldn've done differently

He lets his mind wander until it hands upon you

His darling baby

Fuck this is a hoax, some sick twisted game that you're playing on him

You wanna make him think that he's special and he's still needed in this world

He downs another bottle at the thought, gritting his teeth as the thought leaves a bitter taste in his mouth worse than the cheap beer that he's drinking

He groans in irritation and does what he does best at his age

His calls you into the living room where he sits on the couch watching the football match holding a freshly opened bottle of beer

You walk up to him, kissing his cheek and caressing his upper arm slightly worried about the frown on his face

Before you can even get a word of comfort out of your mouth, he slaps you hard

You yelp in pain, holding your cheek

What on earth? Did your John just slap you

John looks away, annoyance etched onto his face as a twinkle of guilt in his eyes

You soften slightly

He didn't mean it, must be the alcohol

John turns to face you and opens his mouth to apologise but sees you slowly taking off your panties

John cocks his head to the side in confusion

He just hit you and you're taking your panties off?

You should be mad, furious

You should be leaving him, walking right out of the door

That's what you should be doing

Not taking off your damn panties

Stupid brat. He thinks to himself

"John..." You coo softly, "Are you stressed honey?"

John groans in anger and nods his head

You sigh softly

You won't hold what he did a minute ago, your love was stressed and that can't be good for his heart

You sink onto your knees and paw at his crotch lovingly, enamored by him

You nuzzle against his clothed cock, breathing in his musky scent

He just went out for a run and you could smell it on him

Fuck, was it driving you wild

He smelled so good, so manly, so... heavenly

It made you feel safe, cared for, protected

You sigh softly inhaling as much of his scent as you could

As much as you loved how John smelt after a workout or working in the gardens, you absolutely hated what it did to his body

You hated how his pudgy belly was becoming smaller

You frown, you loved his pudge!

You stand up and take the beer bottle out of his hand, bringing it to his lips

You make him finish the whole bottle in one go

You needed his cute beer belly back!

You smile softly when he finishes the whole bottle and you put in down on the coffee table while you sink back down on your knees

Whining against his crotch, you pull on the waistband of his sweatpants and out comes your prize

His oh so stupid cock just hanging there with no real use

Your eyes glimmer

"Baby, can we try something?" You ask softly

He simply nods, not really saying much. Not that you mind

You retireve a cock ring from the coffee table drawer and put it on him before straddling his waist and sinking down

You sigh softly. God, you loved the feeling of him

The cock ring didn't do much to get him hard but made it a bit easier for you to slide his dick in

But whatever, you like how pliant it felt inside you

You look at him lovingly but it only angers John

You shouldn't love him, he's old and unwanted

You see this thoughts running a mile a minute so you lean in to kiss him

John gets even more angry by your tender nature

So he grabs a fistful of your hair and tugs it so hard that you yelp as your face is pulled away from his

Your back arches slightly, a throaty gasp leaving your lips as your scalp begins to sting

"Sit there like the cock sleeve you are. No talking." He says sternly

And that's what tou did all night long while he watched his inane football match

A slight movement or a soft whine set John off causing him to spank you hard, or pull your hair or slap your right across the face

You like the good darling you are, you listened to him and did what he told you

You sat still, filling full while you were stuffed with his cock inside of you

Once John calms down, a wave of regret washes over him

He takes you to bed and does nothing besides worshipping your body, making you cum more times than you can count on your fingers with his tongue

His silent way of begging for your forgiveness

[pico-farad]

I finished season 1 of Vrains and it was cool but I thought it needed about 2 billion more secret identity shenanigans

More Secret Identities AU

extended thoughts below

So I went into a deep dive in my last two posts (1, 2) about all the problems I had with Vrains, and you'd think I didn't enjoy it, but in fact as I was watching, there was a separate, parallel version of Vrains that was playing in my head, a Yugioh I think we were robbed of and which fixes every problem I had with the first season, and that is Secret Identities AU.

Yusaku needs FRIENDS

This is YUGIOH.

This dynamic is everything I wanted from Vrains. Yusaku developing unexpected fondness for these bozos who think he needs a defense squad. I want Miraculous Ladybug levels of secret identity shenanigans. I want Yusaku slapping his duel disk every time Ai tries to blow their cover.

This AU sprung forth from the scene in the duel club where he shows Naoki his decoy deck. Having Yusaku passing as a bad duelist is 1) so funny, but 2) Yusaku needing to maintain his low profile is a useful contrivance for other characters to get more duels, and 3) I think it would be a really fun one-off episode where Yusaku has to duel using his bad deck. When he wins, Naoki is so proud he cries.

Having Yusaku actually have to interact with the other characters in the real world opens up Greek play levels of dramatic irony. The crux of a secret identity story is that every single interaction builds up anticipation, because you the viewer know that the other party is being deceived, and that the tension will snap when the secret is revealed.

I have zero anticipation about Playmaker's identity being revealed, because Aoi would be like "oh.... I guess he goes to my school" and Go would be like "have I seen that guy before?" But SIAU Playmaker? My guy is making friends just so he can betray them. Insane.

Go needs A ROLE IN THE STORY.

I said in my first post that Go isn't a rival or a best friend character. SIAU fixes this by making him both simultaneously.

Having him be the ace of the duel club is a natural replacement for his whole hero of the orphans schtick, while placing him directly the circle of relevance with the other characters. Instead of being disgruntled that the orphans suddenly like Playmaker more than him, he's disgruntled that Naoki and the duel club mooks are fawning over Playmaker -- which is actually just Naoki's character anyway.

I would kill for a big dramatic moment where Go learns that Playmaker and Yusaku are the same person, and even though Go feels betrayed that Yusaku has been deceiving him, he stands by Yusaku anyway because they're friends.

With a secret identity story, every conversation is working on multiple levels because each character is working with asymmetric information. You get these fascinating, layered scenes of two characters talking past each other because they cannot give up their secret.

Which would go especially hard with Go and Yusaku, because Go has legitimate criticisms of Playmaker in canon and Yusaku has legitimate reasoning behind the things he does, and as Go Onizuka and Playmaker they could never come to an understanding on them, but as Go and Yusaku, two friends in duel club, that door becomes open to them.

Aoi needs WRITING THAT ISN'T A TRAINWRECK

I made a whole post on this. Basically every problem would be solved if Akira doesn't know that she's Blue Angel. There's no reason for her to lose grotesquely against Yusaku, or have her basic autonomy called into question constantly. 

Having her actively deceive her brother is delicious. Like I said in my last post, it's so obvious how Akira's overprotectiveness has taken its toll on Aoi, and pushed her into developing this other persona, Blue Angel. I want this absolutely dysfunctional sibling relationship so badly. The Blue Angel vs. Zaizen duel would make me lose my mind.

And a secret identities setting works so well with the potential themes of VRAINS as a stand-in for the internet and Blue Angel as an idol. Give me that Perfect Blue Satoshi Kon good stuff. Give me those themes about identity, and the different lives we live, outward and inward, online and offline.

This also helps Akira's character, because I think he would be much more interesting and relevantly positioned in the story if he stayed a SOL Technologies baddie. SOL Technologies has very little presence in season 1 despite being critical to the story. After Zaizen is replaced by an irrelevant clown, they don't do anything but send out mook AIs to get destroyed. By having a three-way standoff between Yusaku's squad, the Knights of Hanoi, and SOL Technologies, both Hanoi and SOL Technologies become more compelling. They've both got all the reason in the world to want to take down the other. Zaizen vs. Revolver or Spectre? That's good shit.

And don't get me started on how I would turn Revolver into a Secret Identities character.