#dw I won’t I respect my followers more than that | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

unholyxvoid · 3 months ago

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i will try to keep them coming! i’ve done a great job at rambling my ass off so far and you haven’t called me annoying, so that’s definitely something! (thank you by the way, it’s nice to ramble freely and feel like it’s been received well)

GIGGLING!!! damn you’re making me blush, oh my godddd /hj

that makes sense! i think most of our friends are plural? and have been for a while. i dunno, we find it hard to have friends and label people as friends because our bpd thinks friends means we talk to each other everyday, etc. so yeah. but having plural friends does help a lot, it’s helped us so so so much, it’s how we found out we were plural, through a friend at the time who was a system. funny how things always work in the ways that they do.

i totally get the wondering about if someone ever existed thing. a common theme for us is that we split someone, they get frontstuck with me for like a week or something, and then they disappear for basically ever (other than a few exceptions but even those people come around rarely anymore). and that’s also scary as fuck! it’s terrifying! being alone is terrifying, especially once you get used to someone being around. i tend to get attached to these people too so i grieve for them after they leave. it’s just not a good feeling. i’m sorry you have to know what that questioning of reality feels like, but you’re not alone in it, yeah?

i get that, the explaining part. it’s the hardest thing about any of it aside from figuring it out, which i suppose are directly connected. if i can’t explain it to someone else, how can i explain it to myself? i guess? i get what you mean 100%.

when i said “figure things out” it’s not like how i got to the conclusion, just a kind of “identity” i’ve figured out for myself which feels really weird and uncanny, if that’s even the word for it. basically my nonhuman-ness is in some way simply a heart and a brain connected together. i feel like my being is just heart and brain without much else connected to it, just those raw parts is who i am. the vitals and really nothing much else. this might explain a lot about me or nothing at all, i’m not sure which it is. fun!

and i’m not even sure how i came to this? i don’t really remember details. one day i remember being like “fuck, i’m more nonhuman than i realize,” but i don’t remember much else aside from that or what caused that. memory issues for ya baby!

commenting on your tags: yes, we do follow you! i think you guys were actually the first sleep token related blog (loose term) that we followed, fun fact! was looking through our following yesterday or something and kinda laughed at the information. also thanks for respecting the boundary, means a lot. i know curiosity is a devious thing, i appreciate you keeping things the way i’ve asked for them to be. i think of me being on anon, or anyone who says they choose to be anonymous, that the boundary is respected despite curiosity or whatever else. like with sleep token, you know? it’s a basic thing to do. and i have quite strong feelings about it, but i won’t put you through the misery of listening to that as it honestly doesn’t matter all too much in the grand scheme of things.

oh, and about your pain, same. our shoulders and neck has been huuuurting. had to put our heating pad on it last night. god, it’s been a pain in the ass the last couple weeks (roughly). sending you well wishes about it, sucks bad :(

-maw 🪽

nah youre good , not annoying at all dw /gen

we dont talk to many ppl most of the time but we do have some plural friends yeah , and its definitely helpful

wondering if they even exist is a pretty persistent issue we have , or at least me personally . the doubt and denial is insane and does not want to leave me the fuck alone . even when im actively experiencing shit in the back on my mind im still like 'nah this isnt real im imagining it' and it really sucks , i dont really know how to get rid of it

thats actually really cool , you can be the heart and brain of any living being . or is it more like heart and brain without some physical form around them , just floating organs ? hlshfkd or maybe more in the nonphysical sense , heart and brain how they function in relation to eachother if that makes sense idk the right words rn

ohh fun , are we mutuals or do i not follow you ? also yes im very curious but i know youll eventually come off anon and well talk on disc so i can be patient . absolutely yes thats part of it , id never cross that boundary with the eepies and i despise anyone that does . and i know id be upset if someone crossed that boundary with me as well

oh man yeah this body is getting fucking old and everything is starting to hurt (im an old man ... in my 20s but im so old ...) yeowch

#sorry for the somewhat late reply also work ended and we had to do stuff and yes #also it takes a while to reply bc . so many different topics all in one ask aughh #thats why im sorry if i forget to reply to some parts its a lot to think and keep up with lmao #v. post #x. inbox #x. sys #- maw 🪽

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spiltscribbles · 3 years ago

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Miss you and your marvelous writing!!!! Just a prompt if you’re up to it 😊 exes wolfstar staying friends but sirius gets into a new relationship and he brings his new boo to somewhere he took remus and remus gets sad 😭 but they get back together eventually

Notes: OMFG BABEY! this is so SO beyond precious of you! i adore you to bits! thank you for the sweetness and for this scrumptious angst🥺🥺 i really hope you like it😭😘😘💜

SEND ME A PROMPT | A Reblog means SO SO much! I ADORE YOU💜💜

“He can just be so… So” James pauses right then, takes off his cap with the hand that’s still clutching his baseball bat, and ruffles his hair with the other.

“Un-opinionated,” Remus offers half heartedly as they turn the block to the small coffee shop nearest school, both of them freshly showered after the required morning workouts for Tuesday and Thursdays. It’s the first semester in which Remus has actually joined in on the seven minute track, considering the fact that even despite their crazy contradictory schedules with all the sports and extra curriculars they each had, Sirius always made it a point to buy their ice coffees and drop it off to Remus, sometimes leaving them a quarter of an hour late for first period, or as just a quick drop and dash if one of them had an exam.

It was sweet, considerate. It was Sirius showing how much he cared because he’s never been one for words, even if he would frequently print off the little texts Remus would send him about how Sirius made him feel, and hang it up on the wall besides his bed, along with photos of them and Remus by himself and a few of their other friends too.

But yeah… None of that is really a thing anymore, not the coffees or the texts or the promises of being one another’s always. Not after calling it quits in early January because they knew by August they’d be working with thousands of miles between them and a three hour difference on top of that. It just wouldn’t have been feasible in the long run, and sure— Remus was the one to broach the topic and he knows that Sirius was hesitant about the logical side of it, but sometimes Remus wishes Sirius had fought harder, had argued louder, had wanted Remus more. But that’s a ridiculous expectation, and he had only admitted as much to Lily. And at the end of the day, it was the right choice, because it’s only early May now, and Remus can’t imagine how sick he’ll feel once catching his flight to Berkeley, and they’re steadfastly back in the best friends category of things. He can’t fathom how it would’ve been if they spent all these months and the ones after being together in all those intimate ways, knowing that they’ll be so far apart soon enough.

It was the right decision for the both of them and their friendship.

“Yeah, sure. Let’s go with that,” James says, bringing Remus out of his gloomy contemplations while opening the glass door to Three Broomsticks, sporting a thin smile that he always has on when he’s trying to be kind even when he’s irritated as all get out.

Remus snorts at him, elbow checking his side as he walks past. “Well he’s sharing that dorm with you and Sirius in New Haven, so I guess you’ve got that to look forwards to.”

James’s face pulls into a grimace and their typical barista nods their way, already receiving their orders through the app and sparing them having to wait in the queue. “Maybe Pete’ll grow his own personality in university, yeah?”

“Sure Prongsie,” Remus says, noncommittal as he checks his phone and lies against the windowpane, already exhausted by the morning. “And if he doesn’t, I’m sure Sirius is about to blow his lid any day now.”

“It’s going to be funny as fuck, and you won’t even be there to see the debris,” James counters, sounding pleasant enough even though Remus knows that he’s nearly as pissed off as Sirius is about the decision for him to go back to his home state for undergrad.

“You’ll send pictures though.”

“Of course Moony my old friend,” James jokes, tossing him a wink as they straighten once spotting their coffees being rung up. But as Remus takes a step forwards, he notices that a familiarly tan pair of hands are reaching for them, and when Remus looks up he feels like an idiot for not noticing him sooner. Because there Sirius is, dashing as ever in their school’s maroon blazer and tan pants, and his hair is windblown and shining as it falls midway of the nape of his neck. But Remus doesn’t really have the chance to appreciate just how damn good looking his ex-boyfriend is, rather, he’s more distracted by how Sirius doesn’t even notice him or James as he pivots around and hands over the second cup to a beaming Gideon Prewett. Their heads incline while they exchange a few words that are absolutely impossible to pick up in the crowded cafe before they bump their shoulders together and walk out the opposite door.

And it feels like nothing else watching that exchange— like their was a hammer and pick chipping away at his stupid, weeping heart.

“I think they’re just doing a project together,” James says lowly in Remus’s ear, clapping him on the back in reassurance, and Remus loves him, but he’s not in the mood for false platitudes, feels like there is a ugly, burning fire festering deep in his stomach and making Remus want to hurl all over the wooden floors.

“Yeah, I’m sure,” he replies instead, mild as he discretely picks up his phone again and opens up to the last conversation he had this morning.

R: need intel

L: Say more sexy things to me, lover

R: sirius and Gideon

R: what’s going on there

L: I’ll take a look, dw

Buoyed by Lily’s scary levels of detective skills, Remus returns his phone to his satchel and signals James to follow him to pick up their actual drinks. “C’mon, Flitwick hates it when we’re late.”

“Do you want the good news first, or the bad.” Lily asks Remus later that morning during their shared free period, dropping her bag on the tabletop that they typically commandeer towards the back of Hogwarts’s library, nearest the windows and tucked away by the shelves.

“Is there actually any good news? Or are you just saying that to make me feel better.” Remus asks, single brow cocked as he shuts his history book and tosses it to the side.

“Well your hair looks especially nice today,” she offers with a small smile, sitting besides him and ruffling his curls.

“Thanks, I suppose. But I’d rather just get to it. And don’t sigh at me like that! All long suffering and all.”

Rolling her eyes, Lily gathers her hair into a high pony before turning to Remus fully. “You’re my best friend, I love you more than just about anyone. You know that, right?” Lily asks him, stiff stance relaxing when he nods in turn. “Then understand that I’m saying this from a place of love, but you don’t get to be mad at him, okay. You’re the one who called it off Re, you’re the one who wanted you guys to go back to being friends to avoid that messiness in August. And you know I respect the decision, but also it wasn’t the only one to be had. I mean look at James and I—“

“You’re going to Columbia Lils,” Remus bristles, hates how defensive he’s getting all of a sudden. “That train ride is like two hours and some change at the very most. It’s not the same.”

“You guys could’ve made it work,” she insists, green eyes blazing in the dim light. “He’s crazy about you, and you’re in love with him— Like ass backwards in love. You can’t just cut that off like it’s nothing, damn it, Remus.”

He can feel his own ears reddening and Remus hates it, hates how today had started off so innocuous and now it’s an absolute shit show. Remus hates that Lily is always correct about everything, and hates how Sirius probably is regretting telling Remus he still fully intends to ask him out to prom, and hates how much he loves him— how whenever he looks at Sirius it’s just a deluge of wanting and adoring and regretting and needing to feel his lips against Sirius’s own again like a drug, how he’ll never forget how he tasted like coffee beans and cigarette smoke and the strawberries he ate every morning besides his breakfast. Remus hates it all and he can’t figure out how not to feel like suddenly everything is slipping out of his hands like sand drifting through his fingers.

“He’s probably not that crazy over me anymore considering he’s getting Gideon Prewett coffees now, so maybe it’s the right decision after all.” Is what Remus decides to tell Lily instead of that whirlwind of clashing feelings.

“Oh Christ,” Lily huffs, dropping her head back like she’s asking for strength from the heavens above. “Look, Dorcas tells me that they’ve only been out twice. And Marlene says that it’s nothing intense. Just a movie and then he went to go watch his nephew’s little league game.”

“Oh,” Remus intones, because, no. No he will not start crying like this is some fucking Nicholas Sparks novel, and he’s the wayward lead making all the worst decisions. He’s not going to cry damn it!

He is not a bird, and this is suppose to be happening, and none of this has any real consequence at the end of the day. He and Sirius broke up, and Sirius can go out with whoever he pleases— even if it’s good looking, ginger athletes.

Remus is fine.

“Remus,” Lily gently consoles, lacing her fingers into his own that’s resting on his lap, and squeezing for good measure. “Benjy told Mary, who told me during Calc that Gideon doesn’t expect anything. Sirius told him he’s not looking for anything long term.”

“That’s dumb,” Remus retorts, trying to hold everything in so that Lily doesn’t give him that concerned, doe eyed face of hers, like when he’s spent a week living off of protein bars and double shot espressos preparing for finals. “Gideon’s great, and there on the soccer team together, they would be perfect.”

“Remus, stop.”

“And he’s going to Dartmouth, so he’ll be super close for like weekend excursions and all of that.”

“Remus!”

“The more I think about it, Lils, the more it makes sense. They just fit.”

“Sure, those are all nice attributes,” Lily says, peering up at him disappointedly. “But he’s not you.”

Like a legion of angels singing in the distance, the bell begins to shrill for next period and Remus is spared from giving that statement any mind.

He spends the rest of the week acting as if he hadn’t even seen Sirius that morning whenever around him, and internally analyzing each and every exchange between them, and comparing to them to when he sees Sirius chatting with Gideon. And it’s not fun to say the least. It’s like a flashback to when he was trying to hide his crush on Sirius back in Freshman and most of sophomore year, but somehow worse. It’s worse because Remus had him, had Sirius in all the ways someone could ever want an other. He had Sirius’s languid morning kisses, and Sirius’s bark like laughter. Remus had Sirius being nervous the first time Lyall came for his typical Christmas visit, and Sirius had to try and impress him along with Remus’s mom as more than just the friend he hung around with at school. Remus had Sirius’s gruff voice when they were in bed and getting tangled into one another, and Sirius’s dopey looks in the middle of class when he’d be gazing over at Remus instead of the board. And if Remus is being honest, he knows he still has all those things, but it’s suddenly and searingly clear that some time— sooner rather than later— they’ll all leave, abruptly disappearing and shattering Remus’s world in their wake. Because eventually all of those different facets of Sirius’s won’t be Remus’s anymore— they’ll be Gideon’s or some other boy he meets in New Haven. And Remus can’t even be upset at it, he doesn’t have a claim to any of Sirius anymore, doesn’t get to call any part of him his.

And it’s probably the worst Remus has felt since that first night after their break up, because he’s eating every moment he has with Sirius like he’s famished and Sirius is the last meal he’ll ever know. He wants to memorize every part of him before he can’t have any of it. He wants to unravel every layer of Sirius, and kiss it for the final time, and it’s like saying goodbye a thousand times over, strangling his heart and splintering something desperate deep inside of him.

Like now.

It’s edging on midnight, and they drove up to the lake front near their suburb, with Sirius lying with his head on Remus’s lap and his long, muscled body lying against the tattered blanket beneath them. And his eyes are fluttered shut while the speaker they brought croons out the indie playlist they like most from Spotify.

And Remus can’t help but feel like this is one of their last nights like this, alone and quiet and together without any other specter of some other partner. So he watches him, watches the moonlight pacing over his nose and the high bones of his cheeks and across Sirius’s eyelids too. Remus watches his ink like lashes kissing his skin, and wants to touch the divot of his cupids bow like so many times before while his other hand cards through Sirius’s hair.

And Remus lets himself want Sirius and wonders if he’ll ever stop wanting, craving, loving him.

“I can hear you thinking Moons,” Sirius says, fluttering his eyes open and crunching up before Remus can even respond. “What’s going on?”

“Huh? What do you mean? I’m fine.” Remus all but sputters, folding his knees against his chest and wrapping his arms around them, feeling somehow vulnerable in blistering ways. “Nothing is going on.”

“Pff,” Sirius gives him a pointed look, settles down so that they’re side by side and tries to get Remus to look at him head on. “You’ve been strange all week, Moony.”

“That’s not—“

“And then tonight, you didn’t even tease your ma when she was telling us about that patient who puked all over her shoes.”

“Just tired is all.”

“But had enough energy to smoke half the joint I brought.” Sirius says with a snort, looking frustrated again when Remus didn’t even flinch a smile at the counter. “Remus, talk to me.”

“It’s fine Sirius,” Remus sighs, suddenly remembers how exhausting all their arguments were in the past. How Sirius tries getting him to speak everything in his mind, as if Remus could even put them into words.

“Okay, then tell me why you rejected my offer to go to that Frank Ocean concert. You’re obsessed with him.”

“’S in July,” Remus reminds him lightly, focusses on the way they can see the North star glimmering against the horizon instead.

“And, so?” Sirius asks, sounding more than a bit scathing. “You’re not leaving for another month after that, you trying to cut me off completely by the summer or something?”

“Don’t be an idiot.”

“Don’t be condescending.”

“Sirius, just leave well enough alone. Holy shit.”

“I can leave it alone if you can actually tell me what the fuck is going on with you,” Sirius snaps, standing up now, probably because he always likes using his height advantage on most people whenever he gets all pissy.

“You can be such a prick sometimes, you know that?” Remus snarls at him, following suit and dipping his head back just slightly so that they’re eye to eye. “Not everything is on your schedule, you know that.”

“My schedule!” Sirius’s brows jump to his hairline, and he breaks into that manic laughter that springs up only when he’s so angry he can’t put his thoughts together. “I’m trying to do as much shit with you as possible before you leave, because for some stupid fucking reason I’m going to miss you when your across the fucking country! But yeah, whatever. If you’re actually just sick of me and my presence or what the fuck else, you can just—“

“I would’ve assumed you wanted to go with Gideon,” Remus blurts out, simply unable to hold it back any more, unable to pretend like he’s not suffering a thousand fresh paper cuts every time he even glances Sirius’s way these days. He can’t do this, can’t pretend to just be friends when they were— when they are— so much more than that. “To the concert I mean. I just assumed—“

“No,” Sirius says, seething as he storms up to Remus— close enough that the tips of their noses brush up against each other.

“No? Excuse me?”

“No Remus you don’t get to do this!” Sirius repeats, voice going frayed at the edges as their glances level. “You don’t get to pretend as if I want anyone more than I want— than I’ve always wanted you. And you don’t get to float around for the rest of your life pretending as if this’ll ever change for me. As if you can’t hit me up in fifteen years when I’m married with kids, and ask to get back together, and think that I wouldn’t drop it all for you.”

Remus’s heart begins to thud, loud and painful against his ribcage, and his lungs feel like they might collapse the instant Remus let’s the tears swimming in his eyes sprinkle out. “Sirius, I ca—“

“I’ve been in love with you since before we were suppose to mean what that meant, damn it, Remus! And you’re the one who called it off!”

“It was the right decision.” Remus croaks out, plunging his hands into his hoodie’s pockets, doesn’t want Sirius to see the way they’re shaking.

“”For you. The right decision for you.” Sirius presses, his gray eyes dark underneath the stars. “And you know I’d do anything you wanted of me, but you don’t get to be mad at the ways I cope. And you sure as fuck don’t get to be jealous of fucking Gideon Prewett, as if he can hold a match to you.”

“Oh.” Is all Remus can gather to say, peering back down at his shoes and pressing together his lips, feels the most lost he ever has while around Sirius. “I love you too, you know that. You know I love you so much that it hurts sometimes— That was never the problem.”

Sirius makes a strangled sound deep in his throat, and the next second, Remus can’t feel the warmth of his body besides him because Sirius is darting over to the cusp of the lake and kicking at a rock. “Fuck, Remus. You can’t just say that, all right! You can’t because none of this is fair, or okay. And I fucking hate it and I hate this and—“

“Maybe we can try,” Remus says, quiet but unshaken. And he watches as Sirius slowly turns back around, face scrunched up in utter confusion, but eyes glittering with something like hope. “I love you Sirius, and you love me. And Lily’s right, fucking hell she’s so right. I can’t just turn it off, okay. I’ve tried and I’ve tried, but I can’t. I can’t be around you and not want every part of you. But I also can’t let myself stay away from you. So let’s try, and it’s probably a stupid difficult decision, and we’re going to be frustrated and we’re going to miss one another but I know there’s going to be no one I want more and I think you migh— Oof.”

Remus can’t continue rattling off any of the reasons why they should get back together, because Sirius is somehow magically popping up in front of him— his large hands cupping against Remus’s jawline and his thin lips crashing against him, and Remus can only wrap his arms around Sirius’s torso and give him back all he’s pushing forwards.

And it might’ve been a minute or an hour that past, but Sirius is pulling back with a face that looks lighter in ways Remus hasn’t seen on him since the breakup all those months ago. “I’d literally agree to anything if it means we can stay together, Moony. Absolutely anything.”

Remus feels the strain against the apples of his cheeks as he beams at him at the sound of the oath. “Yeah, me too Padfoot. Always and forever, it’s you.”

My Other Wolfstar FIC💜

#WOLFSTAR #REMUS LUPIN #SIRIUS BLACK #SIRIUSXREMUS #REMUSXSIRIUS #WOLFSTAR ANGST #WOLFSTAR FLUFF #THE HARRY POTTER SERIES #HARRY POTTER SERIES #MARAUDERS #SPILT INK #I AM A MESS #I HATE ME LMFAO

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spiderlilyserendipity · 4 years ago

Text

Deserve (KSJ x reader) 🔞

Genres: angst, smut, & fluff

Tags: brat tamer ksj, brat!reader, dom/sub elements (obv LMAO), references to cheating (no actual cheating by jin or oc dw), spanking, fingering, established relationship, possessive sex, unsafe sex (be safe irl y’all), insecurity, mentioned breeding kink, mentioned hand kink, sexting, jealousy, aftercare (always important!), lots of hickeys, whooo this one is wild

Warnings: ksj uses some mean language in this fic (slut, bitch, etc.)

WC: 3835

Reminder: 18+ ONLY

You grin to yourself at the sight of Seokjin readjusting his pants to hide his erection. The camera is angled low enough that no one notices, especially with the winter coat on top of his clothes, but Seokjin is embarrassed, you can read him well.

You love the sight of his large member tenting in his pants, even more so when it’s because of your actions.

You stopped by the set today to surprise him with dinner after a long shoot, but then you got jealous.

You and Seokjin haven’t seen each other in a few weeks due to his work, and he hasn’t been picking up your calls lately. You decided to put up with that, since it hasn’t even been a year of dating yet. Most people don’t call ten month long relationships “serious”. But when you were waiting on him to finish work, you saw Seokjin’s fans talking about his newest interview on Twitter.

Seokjin has such good chemistry with her! One fan commented.

Yeah he totally does 😍😍 I wonder if they’re dating on the DL HAHAHA. Another added.

That makes sense actually! I hear she also majored in acting, and at Seokjin’s college, too!

You watched the interview and you agreed, he had been too friendly with her. You know it’s all work, as an actor Seokjin has to be charming and suave. It’s the only way he can convince the audience he is deserving of the roles he plays. But something bothers you about the way they interact. It almost feels real.

Out of jealousy, you go to the bathroom and take a picture of yourself topless and send it to Seokjin. You pinch a bit of your skin until it reddens, making it look like a hickey. Then you do it again, in another place. They’re hard enough pinches to start to bruise, and you bet they’ll be deep purple in a couple hours. You caption the picture as if you don’t hurry, I’ll go back to him soon.

There is no ‘him’ of course. You’re exclusive to Seokjin, both romantically and sexually. But hey, you can’t be the only one that’s a little jealous.

You leave the dinner you packed for Seokjin in his dressing room and leave just in time to see him open the text out of anyone else’s sight (as he opens all your texts to prevent people finding out about your relationship).

You turn around and happily skip back to your car. Seokjin can be the frustrated one now, you’ve had it.

When Seokjin comes home, it’s nearing midnight. The shoot went on another 3 hours after you left, 3 painstaking hours you laid in bed and pretended to sleep.

Seokjin knows it, too.

“Covers off.” He says instead of hello, not even turning the lights on. When you stay still, he shuts the bedroom door and locks it even though you’re home alone in his apartment. You don’t usually use the house key he gave you since you always felt it was a bit early for you to even have one, but Seokjin had insisted on giving one to you (although oddly he never demanded one to your house in return). But tonight, you’re not shirking away from any sort of commitment. You don’t care what Seokjin thinks of you using his house key and waiting in his bed, if it looks clingy. You’re clearly not that important to him anyway.

The only light Seokjin turns on is a small bedside lamp he only keeps on when you have sex, to be able to read your facial expressions even when you’re tied up or blind folded.

Seokjin pulls the covers off you, leaving you cold. “Y/N. I’m here. Quit pretending to be asleep. If you want to come tonight, show some fucking respect.” He snaps, shaking your shoulder. You open your eyes and glare up at him. Seokjin rolls his eyes. “Get on your knees.” He orders.

You do so. You’re dressed in only a pair of black lace panties and one of his oversized long sleeve shirts. You showered and shaved for tonight, and you’re sure he can smell his own body wash on you. But you’re not anywhere close to behaving yet, and you stare ahead. Seokjin tugs down the collar of your shirt to reveal your collarbone and the top of your chest where there are two bruises that look uncannily like hickeys.

At your unusual silence, Seokjin stops to check on you. “Colour.” He states rather than asks.

“Green.”

Seokjin clicks his tongue in disapproval at you. His temper is worse with you today. You have obviously pushed him further than he has ever gone tonight with your picture. “Look me in the eye when you tell me your colour. Have I not trained you well?”

You look him in the eye, anger flashing on your face. “No, you haven’t.”

Seokjin tightens his jaw. A muscle quivers in his cheek as he does it. “Is that the right way to ask sir to fuck you, princess?” He asks in a threateningly calm voice. His voice is just above a whisper and sends a chill down your spine.

You know what you’re asking for though. You both do. You smirk up at him. “Green.”

Seokjin sits at the edge of the bed. “Over my lap this instant.” He tells you. When you continue to glare, he smirks. “You know it’s been a month since we did this. I won’t fuck you for another month if you push me any further. Write down the fucking date if you want to, Y/N.”

Knowing Seokjin always keeps his promises, you quietly bend over his lap. You can deal with being spanked or even edged until you’re crying, but being deprived of Seokjin’s touch altogether is the worst and you both know it.

Seokjin chuckles, tugging his shirt up and over your ass. He begins to knead your ass between his hands roughly, making you whine. “Who asked you to stop by the set today?”

“No one.” You answer.

Seokjin slaps your ass hard. “Does this look like a regular conversation to you? Use your manners.”

“No one, sir. I stopped by because I wanted to.” You correct, already breathless. Seokjin’s first few hits are usually lighter, but he doesn’t have that kind of patience with you tonight. He gives you the kind of smacks he saves for the end right at the start.

Seokjin scoffs, continuing to knead at the same part he just hit. You wriggle in his lap at the touch, making him laugh at you. “Are you that sensitive because I haven’t fucked you in so long? Or is it because your new dom is too soft on you?”

Another hit to the opposite cheek when you take too long to answer. “Do you want to go another month without coming?” Seokjin growls in your ear.

“N-No, sir.” You answer.

Seokjin scoffs at your answer. “Sir, my ass. If you had any respect for me you wouldn’t cheat. I bet you act all coy with him because he doesn’t know you like I do. I bet he thinks you’re some soft little sub that can only be fucked in missionary position. But he doesn’t know you’re a disobedient bitch, does he, Y/N?”

Two more hard smacks, followed immediately by him kneading your ass. “N-No, sir.” You reply breathlessly. Seokjin didn’t give you a number of hits tonight, which means he is going to punish you until you’re crying. Those nights always left you sore the next day, but tonight you feel sore already. Even just sitting tomorrow will be an achievement, forget walking.

“What do you even like about him?” Seokjin asks in a cold voice. “Is he your ideal ‘type’ or some bullshit?”

You close your eyes, envisioning your ideal man. Tall and muscular. Large biceps but a small waist. Cute dimples and round cheeks and shiny eyes when he smiles. Long fingers with rounded nails that look beautiful adorned with jewellery, but the most beautiful when wrapped around your hips, your neck, and especially when inside your––

Four hard smacks in succession, two to each ass cheek. “I asked you a fucking question, didn’t I?” Seokjin asks coldly. When you tremble under him, he pauses. “Colour.”

You sniffle, brushing tears away. “Green.”

“You already took eight. You don’t have to take anymore if you don’t want to, you know that.” Seokjin reminds you, no longer angry. He actually sounds a bit guilty. He gently rubs over your ass, making you wince. “Sorry. I did too much this time, right?” He whispers, now rubbing your lower back in apology.

“I want more.” You tell him through your tears. You turn your head so you can look him in the eye. “I want as much as sir thinks I deserve.”

Seokjin considers it for a moment. Then, he chuckles. “There’s my girl.” He says softly, even though there’s nothing soft about how his hands come down on your ass.

He gives you four more, two to each ass cheek. By the time he’s done, you’re sobbing. It burns, it really does. But you like it like this, like being all his. Even if he’s smiling at some other woman while he’s working or even dating her, you like being just his in this moment. And because you’ve made him jealous too, Seokjin will definitely remind you of that fact tonight. Even if he doesn’t really believe it anymore.

Seokjin manhandles you onto the bed, making you lay down against his pillow. You hiss in pain but Seokjin is quick to kiss you. He does a great job of distracting you, kissing you deep and making you moan in his mouth. He only breaks away from the kiss to unbutton the shirt you’re wearing.

“So fucking dirty. Letting some asshole get his hands on what’s mine all because I left you alone for a few weeks.” Seokjin curses, pushing you further into the mattress as he lays on top of you. You gasp as he sucks hard hickeys on your neck, your collarbones, and the top of your chest. Seokjin takes special care to cover the two bruises you made with larger ones, pinning you down by the waist as you wriggle against him.

“S-Sir.” You whimper, but Seokjin keeps going lower. He even leaves hickeys on your breasts and on your ribcage, refusing to leave you unmarked anywhere. You’re sure you will have over a dozen on you tomorrow morning.

When he’s satisfied, Seokjin returns to your breasts. He is all tongue and teeth as he sucks at them until they’re both hard. You whine as he pinches them both hard afterwards. “You let some other guy do this to you? When only I can fucking work you up like this?” Seokjin demands, anger returning to his voice. He clamps one hand over your throat, not hard enough to block your breathing but enough to make your head spin. “Answer me, Y/N. Right fucking now.”

“S-Sorry, sir.” You answer, not really sure what you’re sorry for. You haven’t cheated on him, but his reaction makes you more sorry than if you had. You hadn’t known Seokjin could look at you with that kind of fire in his eyes. It’s different from other scenes, where Seokjin was turned on but carefully in control. Tonight, Seokjin is angry. But under it, there’s another emotion that shines just as brightly. Hurt. Seokjin is hurt by what he thinks you did.

Seokjin takes his hand off you. “You’re not sorry yet, princess. But you will be.” He warns.

Seokjin sinks lower, pressing kisses to your pubic bone and lower. He pulls your panties down and discards them. Then, Seokjin starts making new hickeys on the insides of your thighs without breaking eye contact.

When Seokjin finally pushes his middle finger into you, you’re half out of your mind and so wet it makes the insides of your thighs glisten. “Did he do this to you, princess?” Seokjin asks you, stretching you easily.

You shake your head, pushing your hips to get him to touch that spot. Seokjin grips your hip with one hand, nails digging into the skin as he holds you in place. The pain is what reminds you that he asked a question. “No! No one can do this to me.” You answer honestly, panting from the force of not coming. It would be so embarrassing to come from being fingered a little, and knowing Seokjin’s mood, he might not let you come the rest of the night if you come without permission.

Seokjin re-enters, two fingers this time. When you moan, he kisses one of the hickeys he made to cover your bruise. “That’s what I thought.” He says in a sing-song voice, mocking you. You grip his shoulders, grateful that Seokjin hadn’t tied you up as part of punishment. You dig your nails into the strong skin there, feeling him tense at how hard you do it. You don’t mean it as pay back or anything for him gripping your hip, you’re truly just that worked up tonight. But no matter his anger, Seokjin always checks on you. “Colour.”

“Green, green. Oh fuck Seokjin. Please can I come, please, please?” You beg, tipping your head back as tears roll out of them. As you clench around his fingers, Seokjin just chuckles and scissors you.

A few pumps later, he adds a third finger. “Do you think you deserve to come tonight?” He mocks you. “Look at how tight you are, I don’t even think you can take my cock tonight. That’s what happens when you fuck someone that isn’t as good as me, I guess.” Seokjin mocks you, rubbing his thumb against your clit to rile you up more.

“Ugh, I said I’m s-sorry! Sir, please.” You wriggle.

Seokjin smirks down at you. “You said it yourself, princess. ‘As much as sir thinks I deserve.’ And I think you deserve to be reminded who you fucking belong to, not to come. But if you beg really well, I might come in you. I bet you’d love to be bred by me after so long, stuffed full of my come like a dumb little slut.” Seokjin slows down, tightening his jaw again. “That is if it’s even special to you anymore. Assuming you don’t let him come in you too, of fucking course.” Seokjin punctuates each word with a hard thrust that has you scrambling for purchase on the bed sheets.

“I don’t, sir! I don’t! No one has except you.” You tell him. It’s true. You have been on birth control for years, but have never done it raw with any man until you met Seokjin. You had always been too afraid in case you missed your pill a day and wound up pregnant. But Seokjin had made you feel safer than any ex-boyfriend of yours had. Only a few months into dating, Seokjin made you feel safe enough to let him go raw, and never made you regret it. Hell, he even picked up your prescription for you when you worked late.

Seokjin’s fingers slip out of you. He pushes a stray hair back from your face, making you shiver as he gets some pre-come on your forehead. “And why’s that, princess?”

“I belong to you. I’m yours.”

You jolt in surprise as you feel the head of Seokjin’s cock press against your entrance. You grip his wide shoulders as he eases into you, but Seokjin pulls your hands off. He pins you down against the mattress, a hand to each wrist. “Correct.” He replies, before starting to move.

You can’t help the moans that fall from your lips with each of his movements. They’re not loud, actually the opposite. Seokjin’s punishment and teasing tired you out, so you can only let out soft moans and whines now. Seokjin pins you down, eyes pitch black and piercing in the dim light. There are no words needed for what Seokjin is doing right now. He’s trying to prove himself to you.

That only makes you feel more guilty. Even a simple nude while he was working would’ve riled Seokjin up, why did you have to make him think you cheated? In hindsight, you hadn’t been thinking straight. “I-I’m sorry.” You whisper as you look at Seokjin.

Seokjin looks away from you and down at your chest, at the darkening spots on your body. “Shut up.” He whispers back. His grip tightens on your wrists and he picks up the pace.

You’re getting close and you know Seokjin is, too. “S-Sir. Please.” You beg.

Seokjin pulls your arms up, taking both of your wrists in one hand and holding them away. You arch your back as the head of his cock rubs against your g-spot. “Sir!” You cry out. When Seokjin’s hips start to stutter, you finally lose your patience. “Fuck, Seokjin!”

Seokjin lets go of your wrists. One hand comes to grip your thigh hard, pushing it as far out as it can go. The other comes to rub at your clit. His pace picks up again, filling you up in a way that feels entirely different this time.

When you come, it feels like a flood of emotion. You tremble and clench around Seokjin, moaning his name and crying. When Seokjin comes, it’s with a deep moan and his fingernails digging into your skin, sure to leave marks tomorrow morning. You both know it, but you’re not upset at all. You have always liked the reminder that you’re his and only his.

Seokjin collapses on top of you as you both come down from your high. Seokjin pushes his bangs back from his forehead, wiping at the sweat on his face with one hand. He doesn’t look you in the eye. You try to kiss him, but he pulls away. He sits up, pulling out of you. Seokjin grabs tissues off the nightstand and wipes himself and you down gently.

“You can use the shower in the guest bedroom.” Seokjin says.

You grab his hand before he can go. “Why can’t I use your shower? We’ve showered together before.”

Seokjin pulls his hand away. “That was before you cheated on me, Y/N. I know we fucked tonight, but this is it. I’m not your boyfriend after tonight.”

Your heart sinks. “Seokjin. I didn’t actually cheat on you.”

That makes Seokjin look at you, eyes still dark but now sad. “Don’t lie to me now, Y/N. You told me clearly in your text that another guy made hickeys on you and that you were going to go back to him.”

You shake your head, taking his hands in yours. “I actually pinched myself. I only meant to make it look real and tease you, but I went too far. I’m sorry baby. I really am.”

Seokjin looks at you like he can’t believe his own ears. “You gave yourself bruises that look like hickeys just to make me mad?”

When you nod and look honest, Seokjin pulls you close. “Why?”

“I watched your newest interview.” You say.

A long moment passes and then Seokjin seems to get what you’re saying. “Were you jealous of me interacting with her?” Seokjin asks, surprised. When you pout he starts to laugh. He tips his head back and closes his eyes at how funny it is to him but it’s not funny to you. When you smack his chest lightly, he looks at you with a fond smile. He brushes your hair behind your ear. “Say it. Were you jealous?”

You bite your lip. Seokjin notices immediately you’re not finding this funny and grows serious. You look away from him. “I was jealous. But I was also insecure.”

“Insecure?” Seokjin repeats the word. “Why?”

You play with his hands. “Don’t know.” You mumble.

Seokjin cups your face and makes you look at him. “Be honest.” He tells you. “You know I like it when you’re honest the most, right?”

You chew your bottom lip. “I...I saw some stuff on Twitter. They said you two looked like a couple. And to be honest, you were kinda too friendly with her.”

Seokjin looks sad. “And that’s why you teased me? Even though you knew I’d think you were just playing and punish you?” You nod. Seokjin’s brows knit together. He pulls you into a tight hug. “I’m sorry baby. I should’ve thought more.”

You shake your head, but tears fall on Seokjin’s shoulder anyway. “I liked it. I always like it when we have sex like that. But I also wanted your attention.”

“You always have my attention.” Seokjin pulls back, cupping your face again. His eyes are wide and genuine. You love that the most about Seokjin; even though he’s an actor, he’s never lied to you. “Let’s take a shower.”

So you do. The two of you get in the shower together. Seokjin washes your chest and between your thighs for you, gentle as he touches the hickeys he made. You wash his back for him and his hair, giving him little kisses every now and then. You grab a spare pair of panties you left at his house and another one of his shirts.

When you get in bed, Seokjin turns you onto your back and applies lotion onto your ass. You wince at the burn of lotion on your sore spots. “Sorry baby. I got really angry thinking about you sleeping with someone else and lost my control.” Seokjin apologizes for the 1000th time.

“It’s okay. I wanted this.” You reply to him for the 1000th time. But still, Seokjin is really gentle with you.

“I only want you, okay?” You tell him when you lay on top of his chest later. “Even though I know after tonight, I don’t deserve you.”

Seokjin kisses your forehead. “Don’t ever say that baby. Of course you deserve me.”

You make yourself comfortable against him and he tucks the blankets in around both of you. “Do I?”

Seokjin rubs your back. “Someone like you deserves the best, Y/N. And naturally, that’s me, Kim Seokjin.” He ends jokingly.

You scoff but kiss his cheek anyway. “That’s true. My boyfriend is the best.”

Seokjin smiles at you lovingly. “I love you.”

Your eyes widen. Seokjin’s eyes widen too. “Shit. I mean, no. Well, no, I mean yes.” Seokjin stammers, ears turning pink. “Sorry, this is too quick right? Fuck, we haven’t even dated a year but I already said that.”

“I love you too.” You reply, feeling yourself blush too. It’s so odd how you’ve been entirely naked before him before but you feel more vulnerable now.

You and Seokjin smile at each other. “I must’ve saved the country in my past life to deserve you.” You whisper.

“That’s my line, baby.” Seokjin teases, kissing your lips sweetly. You melt into him, safe and comfortable. This is home.

#bts smut #bts angst #bts x reader #seokjin x reader #seokjin x y/n #seokjin x you #seokjin x oc #seokjin smut #seokjin fanfic #seokjin angst #seokjin fluff

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yostresswritinggirl · 4 years ago

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hello, i love your writin'!! seriously, it's so cool to read and im just ajdhsish and this is the first thing- second thing, would you be comfortable with writin' albedo x gn reader (headcanons are cool yknow!) who dislikes goin' outside alone? like, they worry that somethin' bad will happen to them or are a bit scared of doin' things that might go wrong around people, so they prefer goin' outside with someone? (they also want to get rid of their fears but have no ideas how) i will understand if you don't want to so dw!! 👉👈

First thing, thank you so much for requesting! This took a while, I'm so sorryy! This was supposed to come out yesterday but I got sick and barely had the brainpower to even stand :(( feels better now tho so yey? And yess ahhh thank you for your kind words, you guys have been wonderful too, give yourself some credit too!

This is the last Albedo request in the inbox and woohoo, we ended this streak in one of the hard prompts I've come by so far ahaha

I'm not sure if I interpreted anon right but this shall be a fic as originally requested? I'm apologizing in advance because I don't think I've captured this scenario well enough hehe,,, but I hope you still enjoy this!

Keep Me Intertwined

Albedo with a gn!reader that's scared of going out alone (Mild Social Phobia?)

Albedo is a genuis, everybody knows that, even beyond the walls of Mondstadt. Praised and sought out by scholars to ask for his wisdom and a majority of the time they receive their desired enlightenment.

Indeed, the Kreideprinz is a genuis even if he says otherwise, but he's a genuis in the art of Kemia. And only that. Truth be told there are a lot of things he lacks when it comes to knowledge, as his focus is only in the science he wants to explore. Beyond that, he comes close to a child's understanding of the world.

When he bumped into you when he was strolling through the stalls during a market fair of travelling merchants, he'd thought it would be something he can shrug off easily, but as he moves his head to look at the perpetrator he'd hear a squeak of a "sorry" and a running figure. What?

Albedo silently pats himself down as he continues to watch as the silhouette disappears farther, with a calculating gaze to memorize all their features for... future references.

After he made sure it wasn't a thief that bumped to him to pickpocket, he immediately moves on without another thought.

"Ah, you're the one from the marketplace yesterday." In all honesty, your second meeting was quicker to come than he expected, and at the most curious location of all places. In the Knights of Favonius HQ. How had he not heard or seen of you before?

Your shoulders tense at the sound before you even closed the door of which you came from. This was a room he's never seen anyone use, he realized. Was this where you've been residing all this time? What an oversight on his part but it seems that you two share the common practice of barely leaving your quarters.

When you turned around, behind those surprised eyes lies a gentleness of relief he has not seen a mixture of in the ones he'd observed before. "O-Oh, Chief Alchemist! I'm really sorry about that, I was- I'm really sorry!" He hums in contemplation before shaking his head, assuring you it was a matter that caused no harm.

There was more to it, but his thoughts are distracted with his current task at hand, and with a short goodbye he made his way out down the hall where the stairs resides.

His heavy boots clap on the carpeted floor...

Paired with shuffling light ones to try and match his stride.

Huh? "Are you perhaps going outside?" He confirms with a soft yes as he continues his walk. What are you implying? "Is it okay if I join your company? I uhm also need to get some stuff from outside." He just nods, not one for small talk or questioning. It's nothing much to think about really—

Your loose and subtle grip around the chains hanging by his coat seem to ground him from his musings as you two traverse through Mondstadt in a normal gait. He tries not to think about it too much, but the way you look around with unease when you near other people or your desperate strides to stay a respectable distance to him were things he observed during the walk. Albedo was no man of science focusing on human personality and it bothers him.

It was like a game of cat and mouse between you two running errands, he'll detour to the side and you'll follow him, and if you need to drop by to a building then he'll have to follow you.

And he doesn't know why. Is it because of his mannerism towards taking care of Klee? Or his feeling of responsibility for bringing you along?

During this whole ordeal the Chief Alchemist has brought himself a bright idea (it is not) and went into his scientific mode. He watches you talk to one of the citizens about a commission you had finished yesterday and after confirming your undivided attention, he quietly slips away from the area to visit the Alchemy stall where Timaeus would surely be working on.

It took about an hour before he was allowed to use the table, because Timaeus took so long working on his forgery. Goodness that man needs to work on his studies more.

Ah, speaking of— Albedo realized he'd just up and left you for an hour. Without a second thought he retraced his steps to where he had last seen you. Surely you would have gone off to do your own thing, probably finished up your errands by now and had gone back to the Knights headquarters.

An unmoving force made him tumble forward as his coat seemed to have been caught. If you were there, it would be a sight to see, a rare moment of the Kreideprinz so uncomposed and shocked as he catches himself with a sputter. What the hell? His head snaps to look over his shoulder at such incredible speed, you'd thought it really would have snapped—

The clutch on his chain accessory tightens. With your head down low he couldn't see what expression you were, but your tense shoulders shake with a tremor similar to that of an on-going earthquake. His guilt was more obvious as your knuckles turn white from the deadly grip.

"Albedo-!" You exclaimed in what seems to be a cross between a whine and a whimper. "You disappeared, I couldn't- I couldn't leave..."

He hides a sigh as you refuse to look up to show your face. And in a comforting manner he has 'mastered' with a certain someone, he gently pries off your tight grip (with some urging pats to get you to loosen) before interlocking your fingers with his gloved ones. And he smiles as genuinely as he can, "I'm sorry, I won't do it again. Are you done here? It's almost night, we should get moving."

Your nod of agreement was a breath of fresh air to him.

▰▱▰▱▰▱▰▱▰▱▰▱▰▱

Days after that were pretty much as uneventful as uneventful it could be for Albedo's lifestyle.

Holed up in his laboratory for days without rest like the madman he is. Master's alembic and grounds of scarlet quartz able to keep his mind occupied to not wonder. Hyperfocused, no one has seen him out, only Sucrose dropping by with an 'assistant pass' despite the experiment on-going sign hanging by his doorknob.

When he finally stepped out to the hallway, three days already passed. The door behind him clicks as it locks, a sound that echoed with the door four rooms apart to his.

Kaeya looks up from your doorknob when he noticed the approaching silhouette. "Oh, Chief Alchemist? Finally came out of your cave." He quipped as he leans his shoulder against your room's door, visible eyebrow raising slightly after noticing the fleeting gaze Albedo passed at the door.

"Cavalry Captain, good evening. What were you doing there?" Straight to the point.

The taller man's eyebrow rose higher before he composed his amusement. "I didn't expect you to be into rumors, Albedo." The Alchemist's brows furrows in response. "No harm done, worry not. I just accompanied them on their trip outside before retreating for the night."

Humming to himself, Albedo's eyes wonder back to your doorknob before it was protectively shielded by the man's... white fur cloak?

"I also heard you left them alone when you two were out. I didn't expect you to be such a cruel man, amping up their fear after the progress they've made." Fear? Progress? More questions swirled within the genius' mind the more he talked with this.

Kaeya had noticed his faraway look and pieced together the context. Finally, he offered to explain the background of the issue and Albedo was ecstatic to listen in, a first with the blunette.

"Do you understand it now?"

"Mhm."

"Then I'll leave them to your care, I'm sure your genius mind can come up with something."

"Huh?"

And thus you find yourself standing at the bottom steps of the Ordo Favonius HQ the next morning, hand in hand with the Chief Alchemist you've last seen four days ago. Doesn't he have better things to do? No, he reasoned the solution he worked on will take two days to formulate the desired sediment, and so he has that timeframe free for the taking.

You would have been confused and wary he'd abandon you again—

Were you not forced to listen to the two dummies talk about YOU right outside your ROOM.

"You uhm, you don't have to hold my hand during this whole trip, Master Albedo."

"Albedo." He corrected. "And this is necessary, much more convenient and predictable than pulling on my chains really." A touch of a blush framed your cheeks with embarrassment.

"I have nothing in my itinerary today, so feel free to tug me along. It is, after all, the most I can do for what happened."

Despite the rough texture from the long use, the leathered hand in yours brought about more comfort than you would have thought.

Bonus:

The solar isotoma sparkled in pure golden beauty in front of you, but it didn't prevent the anxiety bubbling inside as you watch Albedo hop over the ledge with the help of his geo construct. "What- what are you doing?"

"Experiment. I'll be up in the roof looking over you so you'll know I'm still here, if it makes a difference if your company is far from arms length or not." He replied as he casually hopped over to the roof of a housing unit.

"Albedooo!"

I didn't get to capture all the aspects of the request that I wanted to focus on ahhhhh, I got so conscious of the length I had to stop it! Still ack I hope I captured his personality and context well— and I'm sorry if I amped up the fear more than you gave, I'm not really sure how bad it was supposed to be skskskks

But hey, this being the last Albedo req in my inbox, I am now free from this man *happy sigh* //:Albedo smut leading the leaderboard for the followers event looms over from behind:// *sweats*

#genshin impact #genshin impact imagines #genshin impact x reader #exile.flower #albedo #albedo x reader #genshin impact albedo #exile.goblet #genshin impact oneshots #genshin impact scenarios #glorysuffer #i enjoyed writing this more than i thought i would have!#sorry this took so long!!#the requests are getting harder lately hmmm #followers special #gender neutral

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sofijaeger · 4 years ago

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Hello!!! Nice to meet you! I have some requests for the Eren fanfics if you don’t mind 👉🏽👈🏽🥺 they’re all fluff and sfw so dw

Going on a first date with Eren

It’s raining and he sees you soaked

Valentines day 🥰

Hi! Thank you for asking me, and i will most definitely get to these as soon as I can bc they’re adorable, and another thank you for respecting my sfw rule! It’s not that i won’t write about suggestive themes, (i will😏) but i’m gonna be honest here, i’m totally inexperienced with all that and would probably lose followers if i tried💀 Also??? in LOVE with lemon tarts i can’t even explain it.

Eren seeing his s/o out in the rain

modern au

warnings: just some swears lol

I write in bullet-story form?? idk what u call it

i’m definitely using the most eren-like scenario in my head for this because it was too realistic not to use, and it isn’t just focusing on the rain bc i didn’t want this to be short:(

Also, i want this to apply to everyone, no matter the gender, race, etc. Please let me know what i need to improve on!

PSA Eren is most definitely a soccer player in my mind (and he’s hella good too). Probably argued his way to be captain bc the only other candidate was Jean

You love to support him! Being outside on the field gives you both a sense of serenity, even if it’s chilly or super hot, and seeing his s/o out on the grass, enjoying his favorite sport makes him so so happy and relaxed

besides when he’s shoving his cleats down the other team’s shins😀

but then there are the rainy days...

not one muscle of yours flinched when he asked if you wanted to watch the boy’s indoor practice.

being inside a musty, confined space with smelly men disgusted you as much as anyone else, so you helped him carry his things inside, and he told you to wait in his car.

but we all know our baby didn’t unlock the door...

you try every door, even the trunk to get inside but it’s no use, and bothering him now might not affect his demeanor, but you’d certainly feel very guilty for disrupting his practice.

this leaves you where you are now, standing in a huge parking lot, in the pouring rain, with just a pair of sweats and flip-flops on.

and since eren made varsity like the athletic baby he is, you’d forgotten there’s an hour and a half practice.

the rain didn’t let up for the entire time you waited by his car, increasingly angering you, and freezing your tits off.

good lord, is rain always this frickin cold?!?

Anyways Eren’s finally finished his practice! and heads straight out the door to tell you how much cooler he looked than Jean, hoping to recieve a congrats kiss from you.

he takes pride seeing you all smiley, knowing he’s the one that could make you happy warms his heart.

but there you stand, pissed as sh!t. Your lips are practically purple and you’re more soaked than you would be at a water park.

Eren’s mouth gawps realizing what he’s done..

and then this little mf bursts out laughing, sprinting over to the car and quickly throwing his own raincoat over you (as if it’ll do anything🙄)

Eren couldn’t deny how cute you looked though, standing there, shoulders scrunched up, knees shaking to try and keep their warmth

you definitely won “best girlfriend of all time” waiting for him like that

he wraps his arms around your form, pressing a soft kiss to your forehead, joking “if you wanted to support me babe, i’d only know if you were inside the stadium”.

he continues to laugh, opening the door for you to get in but the entire ride back is in silence excpet for his constant apologies and now growing guilt.

as you make your way inside his apartment, he immediately prepares a shower and your favorite beverage for when you get out, hoping that’s enough of an apology.

(he definitely wanted to shower with you but knew you’d probably shove the shower head down his throat)

After you’ve both showered, he’ll pat and dry your hair for you with a towel, and it’s surprising but so cute how gentle he can be when it comes to you, despite his typical passionate self

You both get into sweats and he brings over your drink from the kitchen, wrapping you in warm blankets so that you look like a little blanket burrito on his couch

he shimmy’s into the blanket with you and let’s you rest your head in the crook of his neck

and his body in SUPER WARM😫❤️

he wraps his arms around you, rubbing his cheek on the top of your head for extra warmth

“am i forgiven now?” he jokingly pleads, and looks at you with that grin you can’t say no to.

you nod, and he pulls your legs over his lap, titling his head to give a kiss to your temple, loose strands of his hair tickling your face

sleep finally takes over your shivering form in minutes, fluttering your eyes shut to the view of rain patters, and your boyfriends cuddling embrace.

#anime #eren aot #eren yeager #shingeki no kyojin #snk eren #eren x reader #eren jaeger #eren x you #attack on titan #fanfic #rainy day #cuddles

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youngbloodlisk · 4 years ago

Text

Two Dresses // Ten

- Ten in a maid outfit

- female reader, also in a dress (hence the name)

- dom/sub themes

- a bit of sub ten but more dom ten

- oral, male rec

- mirror sex

- some hair pulling

- pull-out method (be smarter than a fanfiction and practice safe sex plz)

- some aftercare

@kxnkxmoon 😚

"Hey... is it too late to maybe... change our group costume plan?"

"Nooooo..." Sarcasm laces my roommate's voice "No, Halloween is just two days away and all of us have our costumes already except who? You."

"I'm sorry! It's surprisingly hard to find a maid costume. With maid costumes being trendy all of a sudden, they're sold out everywhere."

"Check a resale sight. Surely someone is trying to get rid of one... Oh, and filter by local pickup! You don't have time for shipping anymore."

"Fine..."

After a few hours of on-and-off searching through different sites, it's a page reload around 5pm that I finally find a listing.

Posted one hour ago, cheap, pickup in my area... but horrible photos. Bad angles, bad lighting, you can barely tell what the damn thing is. No description either. If the title didn't say "Maid Costume with Garters and Collar (Good Condition)", I wouldn't know that it was exactly what I was looking for.

But, that being said... it is exactly what I'm looking for... and it's here and available.

I message the seller to ease my nerves about the product before buying it.

"hey, do you have any other photos of the maid outfit?"

It's around thirty minutes later before I get a response from Mr. 1_0LeeCha.

"i can take some but i won't be home until tomorrow. work until late and im staying at a friend's house tonight to help him with something. i have a few from when i wore it at a work Halloween party last year that i can send in the meantime?"

"that would be awesome, thanks"

"sure one sec"

I wait a few minutes as the three typing dots remain on the screen, telling me that he's scrolling through his photos to send one.

My phone vibrates and I look back at my screen to see... something I did not expect to see.

A slender, fit body in a loose maid dress. The boy is on his knees in front of a mirror with his legs spread apart. The dress is pulled up to fully reveal the black lace garters on his thighs. The hand that isn't holding a phone is holding his dick through the fabric of the dress skirt. His face isn't visible in the photo, but his neck is stretched to the left to show off the black choker.

"OH NO no no no no no i'm so sorry i did not mean to send that one"

"lol it's okay, mistakes happen. to be fair it's still a pretty good photo of the dress. btw is that a wayv album behind you?? signed?? my roommate is a fan lol how did you get that?"

"it's a long story. im kinda close with Ten."

"my roommate says that's cool lol"

"haha yeah i guess. do you want the costume or do you still need more pics of it?"

"are the other pics gonna look like that one?"

"no!! fuck no i swear i wouldn't do that to you on purpose lol. btw i deep cleaned it after i took those photos dw"

"lol no worries i was just playing. i'll take it. pickup and pay in cash tomorrow?"

He agrees and sends me the address, telling me that any time works for him as it's his day off.

I get off work around 5pm the next day and set off straight from the diner towards his address, having no need to go home first.

It's a chilly, but thankfully short, walk in my classic blue waitress uniform.

I check the address about five times before I knock on the door, to make sure I don't show up at the wrong person's door asking for a maid costume...

That would be less than ideal.

I hear someone say, "No, no! I've got it! It's for me!" behind the door before it swings open.

"Hi! Maid costume?" The slender boy, with a body I recognize a bit too well now, cocks an eyebrow.

"That's me."

"You must be freezing out here. Come on in, it's up in my room. You can just follow me."

I nod and comply, following him inside. He closes the door and leads me down the hall to the correct room.

I recognize the dresser and window from the photo, as well as the angle of the mirror leaning against the wall by his door.

He notices the way I lightly chuckle upon recognizing the scene.

"Uh- yeah..." He laughs nervously, picking up the bag with the costume in it. "That's... embarrassing..."

"Why were you taking them anyway? Personal enjoyment?"

"Uh... long story... Listen, I'm really sorry about that-"

"I'm not."

His breath hitches and he hesitates to respond, seemingly wondering if I really just said what he thinks he heard.

"H-Huh?"

"I'm not sorry you sent it. It was pretty... and pretty hot." I take the bag out of his hand.

"Oh, really?" His head cocks to the side, his confidence returning.

Suddenly, it feels as if you could cut the sexual tension with a knife.

"Really. I wouldn't have minded if you HAD sent more, in fact."

"Oh? You liked it? You liked seeing me in that costume?" He boldly locks his hands behind my neck.

"I did..." I take the dress out of the bag, dropping the bag to the floor. I straighten the dress and hold it up to his body. "Do you wanna wear it one last time before saying goodbye to it? For me?"

He leans in, only an inch away from my face.

"You're still gonna buy it when we're done with whatever we're about to do, right?"

"Does it really matter?" I meet his lips for a moment.

When I pull away, he takes the dress out of my hands. He reaches down to pick up the bag which still holds the garters and choker, presses a finger to his lips playfully, and disappears into the connected bathroom.

I look around the room while I wait.

This guy has a lot more WayV albums, as well as NCT albums, all of which I recognize from my roommate's shelf.

He has a lot of books that look worn. No telling if he reads a lot or if he just bought them used...

I spot a framed photo on one of the dressers. It looks to be him and his friends (all male) in princess/similar costumes. All of them are smiling or making a funny face.

The guy I recognize looks to be in an Alice in Wonderland costume, which makes me wonder where that costume could be.

The bathroom door opens, calling my attention and making me turn around.

There he is, in that maid dress, leaning against the doorframe. He tosses the clothes he was previously wearing into the corner of the room.

I can't help but notice the orange and gray striped underwear in the pile of clothes.

"You look even prettier in person, especially now that I can see your face. I didn't expect a boy so pretty."

"Well I didn't expect you to be so pretty either... much less wearing a 50's diner waitress outfit. That's for work, right? Or did you get all dressed up to come see me?" He playfully saunters over to me and places his hands behind my neck again, in the same way they were before he changed clothes.

"Cute. And what do you do for a living?"

"Long story." He begins to close the gap between us again.

"You seem to be full of those."

"Maybe I'll explain them all next time."

"Are you implying you already want there to be a next time? We haven't even done anything yet, tiger. Are you really that needy?"

"Are you gonna keep running your mouth or are you gonna kiss me?"

Instead of responding either way, I grab his waist and turn us both around. I push him gently, but hard enough to make him fall back onto his bed.

I quickly crawl on top of him, hungrily attaching my lips to his and straddling him.

His hands run up my thighs and under my dress, resting on my hips.

Things escalate quickly as he presses his hips up, the maid skirt falling to expose his hardening cock, and he grinds against my underwear.

"So desperate, aren't you?" I quickly comment before returning to his lips.

He hums as an agreeing response.

I grind down onto him to create more friction which causes him to moan into my mouth.

I move from his lips to his jaw and slowly down his neck to his collarbone, all while still grinding roughly against his hard dick.

Soft moans leave the boy and his breathing gets progressively faster.

His shaking hand starts tugging my underwear down, and I stop and sit up to take them off for him.

Once the blue underwear are tossed into the corner with his clothes, I resume my previous action of grinding into him. This time, however, his cock is running through my folds, making me moan.

"Oh, it feels so... so good..." He chokes out, breathlessly, grabbing onto the sheets with both hands. "Please..."

He begins to rapidly buck his hips up, matching my grinding perfectly, until his body begins to shudder and his movements become jerky.

"I'm c-cl- I'm gonna-"

"Cum for me, sweetheart." I brush his hair out of his eyes, which gloss over as a sticky substance covers our respective dresses.

He catches his breath for a moment, but his energy returns fairly quickly. Good stamina, I assume.

I slow my movement on him, but continue to seek the friction his shaft was giving me, until he firmly grasps my hips and holds me still.

I can usually keep my cool, but this action definitely shocks me... especially when I look into his dark eyes.

"And w-what do you think you're doing?"

"I sub for my own benefit, not yours."

"That's actually not very subby of you."

"Your voice is shaking. That's actually not very dominant of you... but it makes sense. Did you think telling me to put on a maid costume meant you were gonna take full control?" He scoffs, swiftly flipping us over and pinning me under him. His bare knee slides between my thighs, pushing against my wet pussy, and he holds my wrists against the mattress on either side of my head. He leans down, his lips brushing against my ear as he whispers... "You're dreaming, honey."

His knee slowly rubs against me and I can feel the garter which is falling down his leg.

The lace brushes my clit as he moves, sending a shiver down my back.

He doesn't let me enjoy it for very long, however.

He gets off of me and stands up, telling me to get up as well.

I stand slightly confused, and extremely sexually frustrated, next to the bed as I watch him pull his white desk into the center of the room.

He pulls off the falling garter, and starts to take off the other one until I quickly tell him to stop.

I bend down on my knees in front of him and carefully take the lace between my teeth.

Looking up at him, he's practically drooling watching me slowly drag the garter down his leg with my teeth.

Once it reaches his ankle, I let go and he kicks it off to the side.

Before he can even speak, I lift up his dress and wrap my lips around his tip. His knees buckle for a moment at the sudden sensation.

He leans back, grabbing onto the edge of the desk behind him for support.

I take as much of him in my mouth as I can, almost on the verge of gagging, and try to handle the last part with my hand.

I can tell he's trying to resist the urge to grab me and fuck my mouth, so I try to make it worth it with the way I suck and lick and stroke him.

When I look up at him with innocent eyes, he shudders and pulls me off of him, also pulling me to my feet in the process.

"If you keep that up, I'll cum again... and I'm not cumming again unless it's because of your wet little pussy. So, bend over the desk."

As I follow his instruction, I realize what he did.

He placed the desk in front of the mirror. The same mirror from the photo which started all of this.

He positions himself behind me, flipping my skirt up and running a slender finger over my pussy.

"So wet..." He sticks that finger in his mouth and licks it clean. "And so delicious too."

He runs his finger through my folds a few more times and sucks them clean as he lines up and pushes into me.

The stretch burns in the best way possible.

I grip the edge of the table as he starts to rock his hips.

My back arches and my eyes shut tightly, but he tells to look in the mirror.

The way the mirror is angled, I'm able to see under the table and watch him fuck me. I watch him disappear inside of me and come back out, which only makes me realize more just how big he is and how deep he's reaching.

He places one hand on my hip and the other on my shoulder before he picks up his pace and starts to fuck me harder and faster.

I can't hold back my moans, feeling him so deep and watching it all happen in that mirror.

I notice his cocky smile.

He removes his hand from my shoulder and reaches down to rub my clit, causing my legs to start shaking. My orgasm starts to approach.

"Look at you..." He smirks at me, locking eyes with me in the mirror. "So pretty and getting ruined by a boy in a maid dress. I'm sure you expected this to go differently, didn't you?"

I let out a loud guttural moan and avert my eyes to the desk right under me, my head facing down.

"Baby, I can feel you clenching. Are you getting close?"

I shakily nod my head and feel his hand leave my clit for a moment as he takes a hold of hair at the root and pulls my head up to look at the mirror again.

"Watch it. Watch yourself cum all over my pretty cock."

He lets go of my hair, clearly expecting me to remain looking in the mirror, and he starts playing with my clit again.

My toes curl and I have a hard time keeping my head up as my orgasm finally rushes through my body. I clench around his dick and he helps me ride out my high before pulling out and jerking himself until he cums on the back of my uniform.

I feel almost limp as I lay across the table. My eyes are heavy, so I simply close them. I can't see anything that happens, but I can hear and feel that he goes to the bathroom and brings back a towel to wipe the cum off my clothes.

"Can you stand?" He asks gently.

I can, and better with someone to lean on, but my legs are a little shaky.

He uses the dampened part of the towel he got to wipe at the cum on the front of my clothes, before carefully having me sit on the edge of the bed.

He helps me pull the dress off of my sweaty body, tossing it to the pile of clothes.

"Wait here." He instructs, going into his closet.

He comes back with some comfortable looking sweats and hands them to me to wear.

I slowly dress myself and watch as he quickly changes his own clothes and then takes all the soiled clothes in his arms and leaves the room.

When he returns, the clothes in his hands have been replaced with a few bottles of water.

"Here, hydrate." He smiles, handing me one of the bottles. "I tossed the clothes in the wash. I hope you can stay for a bit, but if you can't then I can come bring you your clothes once they're dry-"

I don't miss the shining glint in his eye when I cut him off with:

"No, it's okay. I can stay for a while."

We both chug a couple bottles of water each before cuddling up in his bed to talk... which quickly turns into napping.

I wake up to a darker window than when I fell asleep, and I carefully pull myself away from the man to check the clock on the nightstand.

9:00PM.

I've been here for almost four hours, and asleep for almost three of them.

Quickly, a lot of thoughts come to mind.

One of us needs to put our clothes in the dryer.

I need to go home, I can't stay the night here.

Should I wake him?

As I watch his sleeping face, calmly breathing and mouth slightly open, I can't help but smile at how adorable he looks.

Before we cuddled up together, I placed my phone on the nightstand. I slowly and quietly pick it up, opening the camera and snapping a little photo of him.

I'll ask him when he wakes up if it's okay for me to keep it.

I brush a tuft of hair out of his face, which makes me remember when I did that same thing a few hours ago.

I feel my face heat up as I think back to what we did...

Around a half hour later, he's rudely woken up by his phone ringing.

Sleepily, he answers the call from a phone contact named "YangX2".

"What do you want?... Well, now I am... I don't know, uh-" He turns to me. "Are you planning to stay over?"

I shake my head, trying to be as polite as I can.

"She isn't... Yeah, I know... Obviously... Oh, thanks dude... Hey, that's mine!... I don't care that you found it, it was in my pants... Fine, if you've already spent it then-... Whatever... Yeah, thanks... Bye."

He hangs up and looks at me again.

"Good news and bad news. Good news, YangYang put the clothes in the dryer for us when the washing finished, so they're dry now. Bad news, he found money in my pants and bought him and Xiaojun some snacks at the convenience store."

I laugh with him about his stolen cash, which evolves into an awkward silence.

"Well, um... I should get going. My roommate hates being alone in our apartment at night."

"Oh! Yeah, yeah, sure. I'll go get all your clothes for you." He gets up out of the bed and rubs his eyes as he leaves the room.

I make sure I have my phone and my bag, as well as everything that's supposed to be in the bag, while I wait.

Far too soon, he's hugging me goodbye next to the taxi he called for me.

My load is lighter by a couple monetary bills and heavier by a (clean) maid costume.

"Oh! I almost forgot..." I take out my phone and pull up the photo I took of him sleeping. "You just looked so peaceful and cute... is that okay?"

A smile lights up his face, as if somebody taking a photo of him asleep is the cutest thing anyone's ever done in his eyes.

"Yeah, absolutely."

"Good. I'll... I'll see you around..." I trail off, realizing he never even told me his name.

"Yeah, I'll see you around..." He also trails off, probably realizing that I never gave him my name either.

We share a look, however.

A look that says that some things are better left a mystery.

I get in the cab and close the door, giving the driver the address of an apartment building just a couple blocks from where I actually live.

The moment I open the door to my apartment, I'm attacked.

"Where did you go? What happened? Are you okay? I thought you just had work until 5 and then picking up the costume. So, why didn't you get home until 10pm?!"

I explain everything.

Well, not everything of course... but the general things.

"Oh my goodness... was he cute? You said he stans NCT, of course he's cute. Do you have a photo of him?"

"Yeah, actually..." I pull up the adorable sleeping boy on my phone and show her.

Her eyes about pop out.

"TEN?!"

"Huh?"

"That's Ten! That's a member of WayV!"

"Wait- what?"

I suddenly remember what he said when I asked about the signed album in the photo.

"Kinda close with Ten" my ass...

#ciiikbwork #nct ten smut #wayv ten smut #superm ten smut #nct smut #wayv smut #superm smut

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buckybarnesthehotshot · 4 years ago

Text

vi: i hate you but tell the team (bucky barnes x reader)

i hate you but masterlist

summary: bucky and y/n can’t stand each other, but y/n needs help with her sister’s kids (enemies to lovers au)

word count: 1692

warnings: swearing, arguing, death, and this is not proofread

taglist is CLOSED

A/N: if ur the anon who requested a part 2 to no way, this is me letting u know it’s in progress dw :))

“Aren’t you going to go after the other one?” Bucky questioned, staring at the door of the room where Ethan rushed into. y/n gave him a look, as though she too were contemplating if she should talk to Ethan or not, before shaking her head hesitantly and returning to her task at hand; getting Allie to keep her food in her mouth and off her hands.

“With all due respect, Mister—wait, what’s your name again?” Olivia raised a brow as she tried to recall the same words her baby sister was yelling out again, “Mister Bucky, Ethan’s taking the news pretty hard and he’s stubborn. I don’t think he’d talk to Aunt y/n if she tried to,” Olivia exclaimed, eating a forkful of pancakes.

“Well, maybe I can talk to him. Man-to-man, you know?” Bucky suggested jokingly. y/n gave him a stern look before shaking her head.

“I’m not letting you talk to my nephew. Knowing you, you’d eradicate any chances I have of getting him to warm up to me so there is no way in hell you’re talking to him before I get to,” y/n chuckled.

“You’re my teammate, how could you not trust me?” Bucky crossed his arms over his chest and pouted.

“Aren’t you the teammate who cracked an egg on my shoe right when I was about to leave for a mission?” y/n questioned, easily recalling the events of last month’s mission.

That day, Bucky was I charge of making breakfast and when y/n tried moving past Bucky to grab a protein bar from a cabinet, but he wouldn’t let her pass through. Annoyed, she stomped on his toe so she could reach the cabinet. Bucky didn’t really appreciate having his toe stomped on so in retaliation, he tossed an egg onto y/n’s combat boots.

“It was hilarious!” Bucky exclaimed in his defense.

“The rookies were laughing at me!” y/n rolled her eyes before tossing a spoonful of Allie’s baby food at his hair.

“You were their S.O! If they laughed at you, you probably didn’t lecture them well enough on the consequences of laughing at a superior officer,” Bucky pointed out, recalling the times when he had to train a few SHIELD agents who ended up laughing at his manbun. Can you believe the audacity of those rookies?

“Oh, and you know how to handle a situation any better?” y/n scoffed.

“As a matter of fact, yes. I made them run twenty laps around the compound,” Bucky smirked proudly.

“Oh? What were they laughing at you for? Being older than the exhibits at the Smithsonian?” y/n giggled.

“No. They made fun of my hair,” Bucky frowned, running a hand through his dark brown locks. It was then, y/n broke out it a fit of heavy laughter.

“God, I forgot you were worse than Thor when it comes to your hair obsession!” she exclaimed, recalling that time he got mad at her for borrowing his conditioner without his permission.

“At least my hair doesn’t eat the hands of HYDRA agents,” Bucky shook his head. On a mission, one of the HYDRA agents y/n fought made an attempt to drag her by her hair. It did not end well when he realized his gloved hand was stuck in the endless jungle of knots known as y/n’s hair. Not once has Bucky even seen her run a brush through her hair in the compound!

“Man, that glove was worse than bubble gum,” y/ frowned. The agent’s hand was stuck in her hair so she had to sit next to him on the ride back long enough for Doctor Cho to come up with the best way to remove his hand from her hair. Even after then, y/n still didn’t brush her hair before or after missions.

“I’ve got to get going. I’ll see you around,” Bucky waved off, grabbing his keys from the countertop before walking out the door.

“I don’t think you will!” y/n joked out half-heartedly. God, taking care of four kids was more exhausting than taking down a whole HYDRA base. At least villains didn’t make a mess at her apartment like Allie and Jackson did.

“Oh, so you’re a house aunt now?” Bucky stopped in his steps, leaning against the doorway.

“I guess. Tell Sam not to call me onto missions if it’s not an emergency, please? Also, if you could explain this clusterf—” y/n stopped herself before she could swear in front of the kids, “—mess to the rest of the team, that would be great,” y/n smiled before feeding Allie her last spoon of baby food.

“I can’t promise I won’t tell him you kidnapped the kids, though,” Bucky grinned before shutting the door and running down the hall, probably disrupting the residents. Everybody working and living on the compound knew y/n and Bucky would chase each other around the compound when one said something the other didn’t exactly appreciate.

Which is why it shocked him when she never chased after him that day. Well, she was a busy woman, he shrugged it off and headed down the elevator.

He drove his motorcycle to where the van was, adjusted the van seats, and slowly lifted his motorcycle in the van. It probably would have been more convenient for him if he’d just asked y/n to drive the van back to the compound rather than him having to haul his motorcycle into the van.

When he was sure his motorcycle was safely placed in the van, Bucky got in the driver’s seat and drove to the compound; ready to tell Sam about his discovery.

He parked the van, pulled his motorcycle out, parked that too, and headed into the main lounging area of the compound where he found Sam, Wanda, Clint, Rhodey, and Peter gathered around the TV. The moment the elevator dinged, letting his presence be known, all heads turned to him as though to ask where he’d been…or why he had baby food in his hair.

“y/n has kids,” Bucky explained quickly, plopping down on the couch between Peter and Sam.

“y/n? Kids? That’s funny, tell another one,” Wanda chuckled, popping a piece of popcorn in her mouth as her gaze was still fixated on the screen. At this point, she was used to having Bucky and y/n make up rumors about each other and she could not trust a word one would say about the other.

“Wait, let me rephrase that. Sam, y/n told you she was taking a break because of a family emergency, right?” Bucky questioned, looking expectantly at Sam.

“Well, yes, but I don’t see how that means y/n has ki—” Sam shook his head only to get interrupted by Bucky shushing him.

“That family emergency was her sister died a few days ago and y/n got custody of four kids! Look, I know this isn’t easy to believe and shit, but y/n’s the legal guardian of two teenagers and two kids!” Bucky exclaimed, as if he himself could not believe what he’d just witnessed half an hour prior to that.

“I’m pretty sure y/n didn’t take a break just so you could make up a rumor about her,” Wanda chuckled, shaking her head.

“That’s the thing! They had a fight over breakfast and y/n was trying to make the little boy stop crying and then the baby started crying so I went over there to pick her up and god, I thought I killed the kid, but I didn’t. Then, she looked up at me with those big e/c eyes while screaming my name. God, that kid was adorable,” Bucky rambled on as though falling into a trance as he remembered the feeling of having someone so innocent look up at him with an emotion that wasn’t fear for once.

“Assuming this actually happened, how the fuck did you find y/n? Didn’t she block any location tracking on her when we found her at that cooking class?” Clint questioned, raising a brow in disbelief.

“I made FRIDAY look for my van and it was at y/n’s apartment place. She only let me in because she thought I was the gelato guy,” Bucky chuckled, shaking his head, “God, she looked so tired.”

“Is there anything else y/n wanted to let us know? She promised we were going to watch all the Star Wars movies next week,” Peter frowned, hitching his feet up onto the table.

“I’m pretty sure y/n has better things to worry about than a Star Wars marathon,” Sam shook his head in dismissal.

“She did mention the fact that she’s still willing to go on missions as long as they’re important ones. Like some really ‘life-threatening where a lot of people could die’ type of shit,” Bucky explained with a shrug.

“I still had no idea y/n had an apartment. I thought she lived on-base when I first met her,” Clint chuckled, shaking his head.

“Am I the only other one here who’s been to her place?” Wanda’s brows furrowed in confusion.

“Wait, you’ve been to her place? She told me she had some underground bunker she lives in because she was preparing for the zombie apocalypse and I kind of assumed that was a joke and she just lived here,” Peter shot up from his seat, staring at Wanda in disbelief.

“Oh yeah, that too. I’ve been to both places. I even have a room in the bunker,” Wanda winked as Peter’s jaw dropped. He thought y/n was joking when she mentioned the underground bunker. I mean seriously, would you take someone seriously if they told you they had an underground bunker beneath central park?

“Well, I guess if the compound gets compromised during an apocalypse, we know who to follow,” Clint broke out in a fit of laughter. After that, Bucky kind of just blanked out, not really knowing what else to say. It wasn’t as if he knew much about y/n besides the basics and what he’d discovered earlier.

He leaned back into his chair before stealing Peter’s bucket of popcorn and watching whatever the Avengers decided they wanted to watch that afternoon, ignoring all the teenager’s complaints.

i hate you but taglist: @sarcastic-britt / @kmuir1 / @shower-me-with-roses / @justab-eautifulmess / @thomasthetankson / @x-abi-sharp-x / @intovert-gone-wild / @brittanymcsharry / @leaving-the-past-behind / @xoxabs88xox / @mylifeiscrazy0423 / @howliebucky / @i-cry-so-much / @witchything / @naimalove143 / @simplybarnes / @kseniiafirebrace / @buckybarnesishot310 / @witchymarvelspacecase /

Forever tags: @spatium-viatorem / @sxphiiwrld / @strangersstranger / @nerdy-bookworm-1998 / @cutie1365 / @valeriiaaass / @adorkably / @whatinthyworld /

MARVEL TAGLIST: @captainamerica-is-bae

BUCKY TAGLIST: @missmidnightxo / @tinymalscoffee / @howliebucky /

#bucky #bucky barnes #james bucky barnes #bucky barnes x teammate! reader #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x y/n #winter solider imagine #winter solider x you #winter soldier #winter soldier x reader #winter soldier imagine #avengers #avengers x reader #avengers x you #avengers imagine

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straykats · 4 years ago

Text

to love // fallen angel au.

pairing: bang chan x reader

wordcount: 2.7k

warnings: alcohol ?? i think that’s all

a/n: requested! if at any point you wonder “wtf does kat mean by this?” then dw i wondered too. I know what i want to get across but as always, execution is not my forte

“How lucky you are, to be able to love freely.”

You’re aware that someone stood by you - a respectable, conversational distance from you, but you didn’t know this person. He could have had a very husky and enticing voice, you thought, had he not sounded so mocking. You continue to stare venomously at who you had considered a close friend, dancing in the arms of your ex.

Using the half empty glass in your hand, you gesture at the two of them. “If that’s what it means to love freely, then I want no part in it.”

The man scoffs and leans his elbow onto the table at which you stood. “We all want part in it, and even more so when we can not have it.”

What a strange man, you think. You go to take another gulp of the alcohol - which was really not doing its job - and frown when the glass is plucked from your hands. The man examines the contents, letting out an amused chuckle.

“Really, you think this will drown out your love?”

“What ‘love’? I think I made it clear I want no part in this whole ‘love’ business.”

You glare at the man and attempt to take your glass back, but he moves it out of the way, as if to examine it under different lighting.

He was a very fine man, you had to admit, dressed in peculiar clothes for a nightclub. He wore a dark suit jacket over a white shirt. He dressed somewhat professionally for someone his age at a club.

He had very pale skin, contrasting with his brown hair in a way that had you thinking about dark corners of quiet libraries. Even under the bad lighting of the nightclub, you could see that he had very plump, very pink lips, and his eyes were bright, almost as if they glowed… You had to force yourself to look away.

“I think it is quite clear that you have had part in this ‘love’ business. Not only is it evident in the way your eyes follow your friends’ every move, you reek of heartbreak. And you swivel this beverage like you’re to drown out all your sanity in due time.”

“Well, damn.” The man’s eyes flicker momentarily with amusement, but you don’t notice. “Unfortunate that you won’t let me do it. And for the record, they’re not my friends. Not anymore.”

“May I ask your name?” You don’t reply, eyes still trained on your ex. “I’m Chan. I would like to get to know you better, if you’d let me.”

You give him half a laugh at that. “You’d like to “get to know me?” I’d thought that someone as good looking as you would have been smoother or more subtle.”

“I do find that being upfront is the most efficient method of doing most things.”

Resisting the urge to roll your eyes - out of amusement, for you didn’t think this man could bore you so easily - you turn and offer your hand. “I’m y/n.”

He takes it, but instead of shaking it, he brings your knuckles up and brushes his lips against your knuckles. “A pleasure, y/n.” Letting your hand go, he looks you in the eye - and again, you’re drawn in by them, the strange glow they seemed to have. “Would I be overstepping my boundaries to ask if you would like to… get out of here? And maybe you can tell me about the two who were once your friends.”

It was easy to take Chan up on his offer. The nightclub was only fun when you were there with someone. You had come with the intention of distracting yourself, but instead had come face-to-face with the very cause of the need for distraction.

Chan had a way with his words, and old fashioned as it may have seemed, he was able to weasel out the full story.

“So he didn’t cheat on me, he just… left me. For my friend.”

“Well, dear, it would seem that love has not been fair for either of us.”

You look at Chan, urging him to go on - his words had sounded dark and bitter - but he continues to walk down the street. A disappointed pout appears on your lips as you catch up to him. What was the fun in you telling him about yourself but him not telling you anything about him?

“So, what do you do for a living? Wait, let me guess!” You catch him eyeing you with laughter in his eyes. “You’re the son of a rich CEO, currently in training to take over the company in a few months?”

Chan entertains the idea for a second, before shaking his head. “No, unfortunately I’m in no such position.”

“You’re a barista at a corner cafe? And there’s hanging plants outside the cafe window.”

“Very specific, but no to that too.”

“Well, then you have to be an idol or something- No way, don’t tell me you’re a trainee-”

He spins to face you, and offers you a polite, charming smile. “The night is not so young, y/n. Should you really be wandering around with a man you just met?”

“Well, that was the initial plan before you stole my drink,” you murmur glumly. “Besides, if you were gonna take advantage of me, wouldn’t you have let me keep drinking? No use depriving a heartbroken, innocent and vulnerable maiden like myself of alcohol, dear sir.” You drape a hand over your forehead, twirling yourself around a nearby lamp post. You open your eyes to see Chan suppressing a smile. “Oh, but kind sir, if you insist, I shall make myself scarce! ...Why do you talk like that, anyways?”

“Like what?”

“Like an overpolite butler.”

“An overpolite-” Chan seems like he’s about to protest, but he quickly composes his features with a shake of his head. “You should be getting home, y/n.”

“Oh, so the butler does insist that the maiden go home.”

With a lop-sided smile, Chan offers his arm and you feel the pull again, the strange attraction he draws from you. “He also insists on walking the young maiden home, if she will allow him to do so.”

You do.

Chan doesn’t talk much as he walks with your arm in his. He lets you lead the conversation, occasionally letting out a hum or a comment to let you know that he was still listening.

Walking with him felt like walking between old buildings with cobblestone paths winding between them. You enjoyed his company immensely, but there was something… old about him. And not just the way he talked.

Under the steady light of the moon, you saw that your earlier observation had been right - his eyes did glow softly around the irises, as if behind them was a light source, silhouetting his dark eyes. They seemed to have an unexplainable depth to them, the type of depth and knowledge that you associated with growing age. Chan had that, despite how young he looked. He held a certain sense of immortality in his eyes, looking as if he had seen the darkest sides of humankind.

Your walk with Chan soon comes to an end as you stand before your apartment complex. It rises up behind you as you turn to face Chan, a sad smile on your face.

“I don’t suppose I could invite you inside? For… Coffee, or something?”

It was a pitiful attempt to spend more time with him, and he must have noticed it. Afterall, who would invite someone for coffee at midnight?

“I’m afraid not, y/n, dear.” Chan looks hesitant as to what to do next. “Although I do suppose I could come by tomorrow, if you are free?”

You’re aware that your mouth had opened in shock. So it was a mutual feeling, wanting to spend more time together. “I am, yes, that would be- That would be really nice!”

“Then I shall see you tomorrow, y/n.” You’re left speechless as he once again lifts your knuckles to his lips, bowing his head and letting the kiss linger for a second longer. “It has been a pleasure.”

He straightens, gives you a polite smile, and turns to go.

Watching him walk away, you’re left feeling warm and excited inside. Tomorrow was so close yet so far.

Your stomach flips as Chan freezes and then turns, making his way back to you. You’re worried that he’s had a change of mind.

“Can I.. Would it be improper to-” He cuts off with a frown, then slowly opens his mouth. “Would it be alright if i kissed you, now?”

It catches you off guard, but you can’t help and think that… oh, this was the plan for the night anyways, was it not? A means to distract yourself?

So you nod, and you’re aware of a feather-light sigh before Chan bundles you into his arms and you confirm the softness of his lips. It’s nothing more than him pressing his lips against yours, but it sends a spark through your body, like someone had lit the wick of a candle and your body was being engulfed in warm flames.

When he pulls back, you find yourself moving forward and looking for more. It takes you a moment to realise he hadn’t moved back in, despite your attempts.

You open your eyes and almost lose your breath - he was gazing at you, the moon behind him, full and bright. He was silhouetted against the moonlight. His eyes seemed aflame - but no, you had determined they had their own glow… it made him look ethereal.

Like an avenging angel.

“Perhaps… we should go in?”

The trip to your apartment had the possibility of turning into a messy elevator make-out session, had it not been for the middle-school kid who stood in the corner, eyeing Chan with some awe. When Chan gave him a smile, the kid ran out of the elevator. You were sure he’d gotten off a floor too early.

You’re calmer when you’re back in your apartment. Chiding yourself for not cleaning up before leaving, you quietly lead Chan to the couch. Chan has your fingers clasped in his hands - loosely, but it was enough that he still felt connected to you.

He falls next to you on the couch, moving in at the same time to kiss you again. It was light and teasing, yet he seemed restrained, hesitant and conscious of your reactions.

“Hey, it’s okay,” you whisper, but you’re not sure if it’s for him or for yourself. “We don’t need to do anything more than this, if you don’t want.”

Chan places a hand under your chin, tilting your lips up to meet his in a brief kiss.

“Y/n, do you trust me?”

Your brows furrow, and you’re unable to answer. You’d like to say yes, but the reality was that you’d only known him a few hours. However, his eyes pull you in, and you remember the sincerity and care in the roaming of his hands, of his lips. Your body warms over, and you tell yourself it’s the remnants of the alcohol in your veins. You nod.

Chan places two hands in front of him, palm-side up. When you place your hands in his, he guides them around his waist, and rests them on his lower back.

His face was close to yours, his breath warm on your cheek.

“Up, y/n.”

You’re scared to take your eyes off of him as shaking fingers move up his back, and you almost freeze when you feel them - two lines, each between the shoulder blade and spine. As your fingers trace up along the scars, a surge of sadness washes over you, and you see in your mind’s eye a flash of light, and you can feel it, the anger and the confusion and the pain.

“I told you, didn’t I? We all want to love freely, even more so when we can not have it.”

“What… happened?”

Chan looks shattered for a moment, but he straightens his back and sits tall, keeping a steady gaze on you. “I was once an angel, I suppose - yes, the angels in your old literature, angels that stood by God - although I suppose I was never in such a high position.” He pauses bitterly. “We angelic beings… we’re forbidden from feeling love. Any type of love. It misguides us, they say. Makes us biased.”

An angel, he had said. Something clicked in your mind, and you were surprised at how calm you were reacting to this news. It made sense, afterall. Explained the scars, the eyes. The over-polite butler personality.

“Love doesn’t misguide you.” Raising a hand to cup his face, you brush a thumb under his eye. “It makes you-” Human. “Alive,” you say instead.

Chan has a solemn look on his face when he turns his head and kisses the inside of your palm. Then, he moves forward and kisses you - the corner of your mouth, your cheek, your eyes, your lips. It was no longer teasing and fun, but instead, bittersweet, as if he was aware of the consequences of love.

And he was, you suppose, aware of the consequences.

For him, it had been the fall from heaven. But for you… Well, he hadn’t been wrong when he’d said everyone wants a part in love.

Your hands loops around his neck and you pull him on top of you, falling back onto the couch. You wanted to prove that… well, that even if he was a fallen angel, even if he saw love as something that could cause so much harm, that it was also something worth fighting for. Worth living for.

Sunrise was only a few hours away, but you had never felt quite this awake before. The calm that washed over you now was something you had rarely felt before. Your back was to Chan’s chest, a blanket resting over the both of you.

Chan had a hand in your hair, fingers combing through it. It was soothing, tempting you to close your eyes and rest.

You would have, had it not been for the questions in your head.

“Did it hurt?” Your voice was barely more than a whisper.

“Did what hurt?”

It seemed wrong to smile, but you couldn’t help it. “When you fell from heaven.”

Chan’s hands freeze in your hair, and you worry that you’ve overstepped your boundaries.

“... It’s hard to recall. Perhaps it did, for the scars are too ugly for it to not have.” His hands resume their stroking, before he places a kiss on your head and pulls you in. “But I do not think it hurt in the way that humans experience physical pain. I remember a column of fire coming down on me, but I can only remember thinking that the fire was colder than I had expected.” Chan sighs. “Perhaps you should rest now, y/n.” “... Just one more question?”

“Well, alright. I suppose one more won’t hurt.”

“If angels are forbidden to love… why are they still able to do so?”

It’s silent for a few seconds.

“I suppose it’s because we’re able to love that it’s forbidden. I’m not sure what you think of it, but fate is a real thing, and everyone is fated to be with another.”

“Even angels?”

“... It’s rather cruel, isn’t it? To forbid something meant to be?”

You can’t do much else other than curl into Chan’s chest. It was cruel.

Chan’s arm pulls you in tight, and you feel his chest chest push against your back as he inhales. The exhale tickles the top of your head.

“Hey, Chan?”

He lets out a hum, and you let yourself soak in his warmth a few seconds second longer.

“You’re not going to disappear on me, are you?”

“I’m a fallen angel, love,” Chan says with a soft smile. “Not a ghost.”

“Of course not… you’re not even that scary.”

Light laughter tickles the top of your head as Chan pulls you closer.

“Maybe all those years alone were worth it, even if just for this one moment.” His hand trails down the side of your face, and as if it pulled a curtain down with it, you feel your eyelids grow heavy. “Now sleep, love, and wake when the sun does.”

#bang chan x reader #bang chan fluff #bang chan angst #bang chan drabble #bang chan imagine #bang chan #stray kids #stray kids x reader #stray kids fluff #stray kids angst #stray kids drabble #stray kids imagine

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incorrectspnforfun · 4 years ago

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^^ nah, dw, it didn't ruin the show for me. thanks for your opinion. i just wanted to build on what you said, sorry it's long XD you're right that they did mention other characters, and there was the montage, and who knows, maybe the lack of other characters in 15x20 is just because of covid. the thing for me is that sam living this "normal life" and never mentioning hunting, and dean dying young on a hunt, those are the endings they would have gotten had they stayed on their respective paths 1/

at the beginning of 1x1, so it feels like doing all those things since then and changing their destiny (at least i think they did that? feel free to correct me if i'm wrong) didn't really matter. plus i always thought that dean’s line of "going down swinging, guns blazing" was just something to hide his fear of doing exactly that. dean was planning to retire as a hunter, he had managed to completely distance himself from being "daddy's little soldier", but in the end he still died his dad's case? he got out and then was pulled back in just to die, it's... sad. also, you're absolutely right that the core of the story is about the brothers' relationship. but i think this relationship evolved with time. in the beginning it was just the two of them, and it was "toxic codependency" (i think that's how other characters said it?), but as they grew up and met other people they... didn't exactly grow apart, but they took some distance, at least emotionally speaking, and their relationship became way healthier because of that. maybe i'm just imagining things, but this final episode, with a road trip case a la season 1 and barely mentioning other characters, felt like going back to the beginning (...which was probably the whole point ^^") and almost erasing the fact that they became different people since then. idk if that makes sense? also, the actors were always very vocal about mental health issues, but this final episode showed us traumatized characters ending up either dead or living unhappy, and only being happy once they’re dead. i *do not* like this subtext. i know it's definitely not their fault, they said they didn't like the ending way before we knew what the ending was, but *someone* decided this was a good way to end a story that was, at its core, all about hope. sorry, it was even longer than i planned ^^"

Alright. I just cut all of them together so it was more or less consecutive lol. Let’s try to break all this down! (And no worries about the long response! I’m happy to talk about it, and I’m so glad you’re sharing your thoughts! I really appreciate you taking the time to type all of that out! <3)

For starters, I’m really glad it didn’t ruin the show for you. I’ve heard a lot of fans saying that it’s their ex-favorite show now and they can never watch it again because they didn’t like the finale, and that makes me really sad, so I’m glad to see someone who still appreciates the show even if the finale wasn’t their fave. :)

In terms of lack of characters because of COVID, I think that’s definitely true. I know the cast and crew had been saying that they wanted more guest stars in the last two episodes, but they had to take some of them out because of COVID concerns. Overall though, they did say that it didn’t change the core story they wanted to tell too much, so I think the Sam and Dean-centric ending would’ve still been like that, but maybe with a few more character appearances (like Shoshannah Stern, for example. I really believe that the reason Sam’s wife was blurred out was because they couldn’t get Shoshannah Stern back for some reason, but they wanted us to believe it was Eileen).

When it comes to the boys’ destiny, to me--and, in my opinion, this is exactly what the show was trying to show us--their destiny was always supposed to be one brother kills the other. It was the destiny meant for them at the end of Season 5, and it was the destiny and final ending that Chuck had written for them at the end of Season 15. But, time and time again, the brothers’ love for each other and love for the world kept pushing against that destiny. In the end, by defeating Chuck, and by helping each other up and not backing down, they did write their own destiny and fight against it and, ultimately, give themselves free will.

Now, in thinking about Dean’s death and the brothers’ codependency (yes, you were right, that’s what the angels and such called it), I see your point about Dean’s words being a mask for his fear, and while I agree that he often did use them in that way, in the end, I think his fear was less about dying on a hunt and more about dying alone, but also about making sure that he isn’t taking Sam down with him. His death scene in 15x20 says that loud and clear. Sam tries to leave to get him help, but all Dean wants is for Sam to stay with him, and then his last request is for Sam to come closer so that he can make sure his little brother is okay. That said, though, I do agree with you that they’ve taken some emotional distance from each other and had a healthier relationship because of it--which is why, despite Dean dying and Sam surviving, Sam let him go and didn’t try to bring him back, because they had achieved that emotional distance.

All of that in mind, I, personally, feel like the only way this story could end was with Dean dying and Sam living to old age, eventually joining his brother in heaven--so basically, exactly what we got.

I hear a lot of people saying that Dean deserved to live a normal life and live to old age--he had that job application on his desk, he had a dog, etc.--but while I agree that he deserved that happy life, I feel like it wouldn’t have been happy for him. Dean’s tried the normal life thing before, several times, and it’s never worked for him. He can’t stay away from hunting for too long, because he’ll always be looking over his shoulder, and/or he’ll always be worried about his brother. If Sam would have died, he also never would’ve forgiven himself or gotten over it and wouldn’t have been able to live a normal life. In general, as much as I would love for Dean to live a normal life and have a chance at happiness, it’s never fit his character. Even with the growth he’s experienced in the last several years, the way he’s grown up and the things he’s been through just won’t let him experience an apple pie life.

Sam, on the other hand, has always had a connection to a normal lifestyle and has always had more of an ability to have that. If you ask me, a lot of that is because of Dean--since Dean grew up so fast, Sam never had to, so he had a chance to go through normal childhood experiences and learn how to live a life outside of hunting. As such, his attempts at a normal life usually were pretty successful, and it follows that any attempts he makes in the future could be successful too. The big thing that stops all of that, though, is Dean. While Sam, in the last several years, has said that he’s okay with his hunting lifestyle and happy doing what he’s doing, it’s less about the actual hunting and more about being with his brother. Sam, in general, is miserable in the hunting lifestyle. It’s not what ultimately makes him happy, but being with his brother does. Because of that, he accepts the lifestyle for everything that comes with it because it means bonding with Dean and seeing him happy. As such, he can’t live a normal life if Dean’s around, because he knows it’s not what Dean wants, deep down, and it would mess with the dynamic they’ve built through all these years of hunting. So, the only way Sam can live a normal life is if Dean dies (kind of like in Season 8. When he thought his brother was dead, he actually did live a normal life for a while, and he probably would’ve continued to do that for the rest of his life if Amelia’s husband hadn’t come back and if Dean hadn’t come back).

Now, with all of that said, you’re right in that this does connect directly to how the brothers likely would’ve ended up in Season 1. However, what’s different is the strong bond that Sam and Dean have now developed over the years. Yes, if Dean hadn’t gotten Sam at Stanford way back in Season 1, Sam (probably) would’ve lived a white picket fence life, and Dean would’ve died on a hunt. The difference, though, is that both of those things would’ve happened without either brother being aware of what the other was up to and, frankly, probably not necessarily caring as much (in Sam’s case anyways).

With the Season 15 ending, though, Sam lived his white picket fence life, but his entire life was built in tribute to his brother. He named his son Dean, he kept the Impala, he had pictures of the two of them all around his house, and his son even had an anti-possession tattoo. While Sam was able to live a normal life, he never forgot about his brother, and Dean was--just like he said in his death scene--always in his heart and always remembered, because of all that they had shared for the last fifteen years.

The same goes for Dean. While Dean did die on a hunt like he normally would’ve, if Dean had died in Season 1, he would’ve gone up to heaven, relived his best memories (which all probably would’ve been with kid!Sam), and that would’ve been it. Instead, in Season 15, we see Dean go to a heaven that’s been re-created into something that he deserves by people who love him and who he loves very much (Jack and Cas) that he (and Sam) were able to influence heavily. And yet, with the entirety of heaven open to him to see anyone he wants (including Cas), what does he do? He goes for a drive and waits for his brother--the brother that he’s bonded with for the last fifteen years. He could see anyone, and in Season 1, if heaven had been like that, he probably would’ve. But instead, he just sits and waits for his brother, because ultimately, that’s who makes him happy. We never would’ve gotten that if it weren’t for the bond that Sam and Dean created with each other in the last fifteen years.

As for the “traumatized characters ending up either dead or living unhappy, and only being happy once they’re dead” subtext, that’s completely valid, and I can see how that would be upsetting. Personally, I didn’t see it that way at all, mostly because I feel like the characters weren’t necessarily happy after they were dead. Dean was only happy in heaven once Sam was with him, and Sam actually was happy throughout his life with his family, even if he was still mourning his brother, and ultimately, he was able to live a life and continue that happiness in heaven when he reunited with Dean. Cas was happy before he died (hence, why he died) because he finally admitted his love for Dean. While I fully acknowledge that not a lot of them necessarily got the chance to deal with their trauma in a prolonged way, I feel like their individual deaths helped them cope in some way. That’s just my opinion though, and I can definitely understand where you’re coming from.

Sorry it took me so long to answer this, but I hope that all makes sense! (Also sorry mine was so long too! Lol.) <3

#spn spoilers #15x20 #spn season 15 #carry on #spn series finale #my thoughts

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analyzingadventure · 4 years ago

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Psi: What we’ve learned so far (1-8)

Before we get into the actual thing, I wanna explain what this post is going to be about and why I’m writing it; if you’re not really interested in that you can skip ahead

On my first watch of Psi’s first 19 episodes, I’ve had this struggle with the series. To me it has often felt like the world of Psi feels empty and hollow, the characters shallow, and the pacing of the first arc has felt off, like the pace of the overall story going at a snail’s pace and little to nothing actually happening in each episode.

Now there’s three main elements that I think could be causing this impression on me. First, it’s the unavoidable comparison to Adventure, a series I am far too familiar with for my own good if we’re being honest, and a series where I could probably list off every imporant detail from each episode from sheer memory. Second, I often enjoy a series better on a rewatch, my first impressions tend to be incredibly luke-warm and because I’ve only experienced the story once, I don’t remember it quite as well as something I’ve seen at least a dozen times. So between these two factors, it is very possible that my first impression of Psi’s first 19 episodes has felt as negative as it did due to nostalgic overfamiliarity vs unfamiliar first impressions.

But there is that third factor too. It is entirely possible that Psi just isn’t written like Adventure (not nececarily better, more like “in a way that panders to me”), and my observations of it so far have been accurate

And really, I just want to get to the bottom of it. I want to try and figure out why Psi has felt the way it has to me so far, and that is why I’m going to make these posts (because this post is way too long already and I had to split it into two parts)

So what this is going to be is quite simple to be honest; like I mentioned above, I could probably list every major story element in Adventure for each episode from memory, where as with Psi I can’t do that. So in this post I am just going to rewatch each episode of Psi and write down what we learn about the series in each episode; what we learn about the world, the characters, the mechanics, the lore, the beings that live in it. This is mainly so that I can form a better, slightly more objective view of Psi in my mind instead of depending on the vague memory I have of it so far.

And yes, this is going to be just, mostly, me writing bullet point notes of obvious things we learn in each episode; not plot summaries or a timeline of key-events, just things we can “learn” from the episode. For example, while a Digimon evolving is a key-event, if we don’t learn anything new about the Digimon that relates to their backstory or personality, then it’s not worth mentioning, and will try to do my best to not repeat information that gets re-inforced through out different episodes. Also, this isn’t a critique of Psi’s writing

Also, I am going to do my best to write these from the perspective of “not knowing anything”, in the sense that I’m trying to parse out info and write it out like someone who knows nothing about Digimon would be able to get out of it. Also, I won’t nececarily write these in the order they happen in the episode, rather I might write what we learn from specific subjects in bulk (character establishment, world building, etc)

One last thing, I could possibly do this for Adventure later on, just for comparison’s sake, if I have the time, but first let’s just start with this.

Episode 1: Tokyo Digital Crisis

Opening Monologue doesn’t get too many points for what we learn from it as it is an opening monologue, stating kind of obvious stuff we’ll learn very fast, but none the less; it’s the year 2020, our world is connected by the Network, and in there live Digimon

Tachikawa Computer; minor foreshadowing for later

We're introduced to the main character Taichi, supporting cast Koushirou, getting a decent idea of their main personality traits (Taichi is friendly and very open, while Koushirou is polite, a little bit more withdrawn/closed) and briefly get to see Hikari (as well as Mama Yagami and Miiko)

Taichi is putting great effort into preparing for the summer camp; he’s the type of person who likes to plan ahead it seems. That said he can also rush into action without thinking if he’s worried enough/the situation is dire enough; this is elaborated when Taichi learns his family could be in danger, when he leaps in to catch the falling Koromon, or when he leaps into battle with Agumon

Taichi is surprisingly calm when realizing he’s been spirited away and sees a weird little disembodied pink head floating in space, only really appearing shock after a small dinosaur speaks to him; he sometimes needs a moment for everything to settle in before he even knows how to react

Taichi is more than willing to get physical beat up weird monsters

Koromon knows Taichi’s name, and Taichi somehow heard Koromon calling him; there’s a mysterious connection between these two

Agumon is more than happy to see Taichi, immidiately willing to both protect him and help him achieve his goals; Agumon seems to love Taichi unconditionally, despite only meeting him for the first time

We learn that one of the primary features of Digimon is their ability to evolve, Koromon evolving all the way to Greymon and the unnamed enemy’s (Algomon’s) evolutions being examples of this

There is a mysterious, unknown force in this universe, one that tends to manifest in the form of mysterious, glowing symbols (the Crests), that will appear in certain moments to certain people (our main characters), almost like it’s reacting to said people’s actions and/or feelings

Taichi and Koushirou are both granted mysterious devices, which we soon learn can be used for communication purposes as well as evolution, the devices coming from seemingly the same mysterious light/force as the symbols

Digimon causing issues within the Network have an immidiate effect in the electronics of the Human World, and the Digimon rampaging in the Network are willing to hurt and kill other Digimon too (not that many seem to be present there); they are an active threat to everyone but themselves and need to be dealt with

We see glimpses of other children who seem to have a 6th sense, reacting to Taichi’s actions (establishing the connection between the kids); foreshadowing

Taichi and Koushirou aren’t the only ones who have been sucked into this mess with Digimon, there’s another child within the Network as well, with his own Digimon along side hime

Episode 2: War Game

The villian of this Opening Arc, the Algomon, seems to act like a hivemind

Yamato is established as being distant and somewhat cold, seemingly uninterested in others as he’s more focused on other (more imporant?) things. He also seems to be more experienced in dealing with the Digital World/Digimon (in Taichi’s mind who wonders how experienced Yamato really is with Digimon). Despite how cold he seems from the outsite however, Yamato will quietly make plans and put them into motion, expecting others to catch on and follow up. His general unwillingless to intentionally and clearly team up is a character flaw for him though, it causes issues during battle and it’s something he struggles with. But he also worries about causing harm to Garurumon (and Greymon), so he does care for the well-being of others; all of this could suggest that Yamato is a tsundere

Greymon and Garurumon are established as knowing each other, implying they have a history

Greymon and Garurumon both tell the kids they can handle the rough plan; they’re comforting

The episode fleshes out the severity of the danger Digimon rampaging within the Network can cause; it can reach nuclear disaster leveks

We learn that Digimon can fuse

Feathers appear to Hikari and Takeru; foreshadowing for later. When the feathers touch their hands, mysterious symbols appear once more, implying a connection between them coming in contact with the feathers (and what they symbolize) and the fusion of Digimon

Episode 3: And to the Digital World

Taichi clearly loves his sister and takes good care of her

Hikari seems to know more than she lets on

A connection between Yamato and Takeru is established, as well as the fact that Yamato isn’t in Tokyo (at the moment at least)

Sora is established, us learning that she is a character much respected and liked by her classmate and that she and Taichi know each other really well (also we see an unnamed character fumbling comedically; foreshadowing for later)

When the danger was cleared, Taichi and Yamato were returned were they came from; whatever summoned them will also return them when their duty has been completed

A new mysterious threat is introduced to have been born, its birth causing massive power outtages and electrical issues

We see three lights fly through the gates of the Network, followed by three other lights;we learn that six children have been spirited away

We see the Digital World for the first time. Unlike the Network’s surreal, Tron-like landscapes with no sentient life in sight, nor water, clouds, plants or anything, the Digital World is alive and beautiful, though clearly fantastical based on the strange, arching mountains in the distance, and it’s fantastic, digital inhabitants

The fused Digimon is super duper strong and has some special powers that Greymon and Garurumon didn’t have; there’s a distinct difference in the level of power

Episode 4: Birdramon Soars

We get to know Sora a lot better in this episode, she could be described as being Just Really Cool; she seems to be super chill (not like “laid back”, more “cool”), taking in being thrown into a different world really well and calmly, not even surprised by the existence of Digimon aside from them being able to talk. Sora was also in the middle of buying supplies to get through the power outtages before getting summoned to the DW, so she’s come in well-prepared. Whether she went out to buy the supplies because she was requested to, or she did out of her own inniative, it does indicate she’s very responsible and trusthworthy. Much like Taichi too, Sora isn’t afraid to get her hands dirty, being more than willing to come rescue Piyomon from the mouth of a giant mantis monster

Piyomon, scared out of her mind, doesn’t really do or say much for a long time, only clinging onto Sora for her dear life, until a calm washes over her as she seems to remember or recognise something; when Piyomon wakes up, she knows Sora’s name without ever being told it, much like how Agumon knew Taichi’s name, and Piyomon tells Sora she’s been waiting for her. Sora being present also brought confidence to Piyomon, inspiring her to be active instead of fleeing from danger, as she now has someone to protect.

We’re introduced to the kind Tentomon and his odd Osaka-accent; Tentomon, being more familiar with his home world, explained all sorts of things to Koushirou. Tentomon, much like a parent would, thanked Taichi “for looking after Koushirou”, indicating that while the two have only known each other for a short time, Tentomon is very fond of Koushirou, much like Agumon is of Taichi

We are introduced to an ominous silhouette, most likely a future villian

The DW lies within the deepest part of the Network, so the DW isn’t a separate world from the Network, just a specific section of it. Also, athough we had previously not seen Digimon the Net beyond the relevant characters Whamon being there do imply that some Digimon do indeed just like to hang out within the Network

Within the Digital World there are tablets and stone ruins of an ancient civilization, with text written on them; the Digivice react to the ancient texts, guiding the children to them and using the children as vessels, translate the message to them. The texts are instructions to guide the children, meaning whoever wrote them centuries ago, for-saw the coming of the children. At the mountain we see more ruins mysterious writings and ancient statues of winged figures. If it is a temple as Sora thinks, then that implies the existence of a religion that is or was worshipped in this world

Moving away from the lake, what we next see of the DW looks like a tropical paradise, with lots of lush jungles and forests with plants both familiar and strange. But through out the world there are these tiny visual “glitches” all around, small colorful lines and dots scattered through out, which give the world a subtle, artificial feel. There’s also a glittery rainbow mountain in the distance, further driving in the point that we aren’t in Japan anymore

We do learn that despite the world looking like a paradise, the Digimon do seem to hunt and eat each other for food; the aren’t many food sources then (like Meat Trees), or if there are, some Digimon ignore those for the Fresh Meat instead

The episode starts out kind of suggesting that maybe Sora ended up in the Digital World by accident, but as the episode progresses it gives out suggestions and hints that maybe Sora didn’t come by accident after all until she finally gets her Digivice. This is foreshadowing for the idea that none of the Children came by accident, they were brought there on purpose and for a reason.

We learn that while the kids can make the Digimon evolve, the Digimon will revert back once a danger is cleared

Episode 5: The Holy Digimon

Koushirou can remain calm even when swallowed by a Digimon, as long as he has his comfort item (tablet); foreshadowing for later

Koushirou can be a little bit shy, embarassed to repeat himself saying that maybe they were meant to meet

Tentomon really loves Koushirou

We learn that Orgemon (whose name we learn in this episode) can’t speak very clearly, which probably implies he’s not very smart; not all Digimon have the capacity to full-speech it seems

We see the super ominous silhouette of a yet unnamed villian sending orders to Orgemon; we have a hierachy, and this guy is at the top of it

We learn for sure that the kids are being specifically targetted and being tracked by the dark Digimon, the troops being lead by Orgemon and some small surveilance Digimon (SoundBirdmon) that can control other Digimon with the power of sound, as well as send messages between Digimon

The Holy Digimon tells us that the warriors that fought in the war long ago were reborn, Agumon, Piyomon and Tentomon being the reincarnations; the three take notice of specific Digimon in the Holy Digimon’s vision (themselves no doubt) and the sight brings them to tears; although they can’t remember anything, their souls/hearts can, and what they experienced must’ve been sad

Agumon doesn’t remember evolving into Omegamon, despite remembering meeting Taichi; this must imply that evolving to Omegamon was a blur even for him

There once was a large city in the location of the temple, with beautiful, artistic architecture; the former civilization here was truly prosperous

The rainbow glitter wasn’t as much of a mountain as it was a desert (or a mountain range, hard to tell which)

We learn that this land mass of unknown size (is it an island or is it a continent? Never stated) isn’t the only ones, there’s oceans at least one continent beyond it, its name being Cloud Continent

We see a small village in the middle of the forest, the houses looking sort of like hollowed out pumpkins with palm leaves coming from the top; while major civilization has crumbled in this post-apocalyptic Digital World, with most Digimon seeming to live on their own like, minding their own business, some Digimon do form communities

We learn the name of the Digivice

We learn that the statues at the temple are depictions of certain Holy Digimon, and that with the last of their powers they had left a message for the children from beyond the grave as they’ve passed a long time ago

The Holy Digimon had had a premonition that human children equipped with Digivices, also known as the Chosen Children, were “a power” that could surprass the natural law of evolution

It’s not quite explicit, but we are vaguely introduced to the evolution stages and their names (the natural law of evolution)

We gain confirmation that the feathers we have seen through out the series so far are indeed connected to the Holy Digimon

We learn that the Holy Digimon were ones that “governed the good of the Digital World”, most of them and the city that once stood in the place of the temple perishing in a great war between light and dark when dark Digimon disturbed the balance between the two.

The major parties on the side of light in that war were a great army of holy Digimon, eight special holy Digimon, six warriors and even Omegamon, who managed to vanquish the darkness at the cost of their own lives

We do learn that the six warriors turned into eggs, and are told that the Chosen Children would appear to guide the ressurected souls once the enemy would make a move once more

We learn that Taichi and co must go find the Holy Digimon of Light and Hope at the Cloud Continent as they will fight along side them against the dark Digimon

Although the Network is tightly connected to the Human World, the Digital World isn’t; disaster taking place there won’t affect the Human World. We also learn that monitoring the spread of dark in the Network is impossible to do from the Digital World

Episode 6: The Targeted Kingdom

We’re introduced to Mimi, the queen of Mimi Kingdom, the village we saw in the previous episode that she took over between being spirited away and Taichi’s group arriving.

Mimi, much like Sora is pretty cool with the situation she’s in. Ehile we do learn she was lonely after being stranded in the DW alone, after Palmon joined her side she’s been seemingly a-okay, not afraid at all of being (as far as she knows) the only human in a different world. In fact she is super into ensuring her kingdom remains peaceful and her underlings well-fed, as she has put great efforts into making sure Tuskmon don’t come and steal all the fruit the Tanemon live on. Mimi has a kind heart, and that she hates seeing others suffer.

We also learn the Tachikawa Industries we had heard about was her family’s, her grandpa being the chairman. Mimi’s grandpa must be important to her as hearing his words on video touched her, reminding Mimi she has to do what she can, which to her translated to taking care of her adorable underlings. Those same words later inspire her to leave her beloved kingdom behind to help the other kids

Palmon adores Mimi a lot, acting in a kind of enabling way, playing into and encouraging the whole Queen-thing just to make sure Mimi’s confortable and happy, feeling loved.

The Tanemon have a signaling system to pass messages on; whether this system was set up and taught to the Tanemon by Mimi or if they have invented it before Mimi took the kingdom over is unclear

Although Orgemon seems to lack intelligence based on his very basic speech, we do learn that he is a Digimon of honor, and losing his horn has gravely hurt his honor

This landmass does seem to be mostly forest as far as the eye can see (aside from the rainbow mountain range/dunes and the lake-area)

We learn time passes at a different rate between the Human World and Digital World, the DW being much faster, the time becoming more distorted the deeper into the Network you go (the Digivices somehow bypass the distortion to ensure communication happens at the same rate)

We see what a near-death Digimon looks like; colors washed out, glitching in and out a little, but evolution will instantly heal the Digimon from that near-death state back to full health

Episode 7: That Boy is Kido Jyou

We learn Mimi likes tea and has been teaching Palmon how to make tea; she also seems to enjoy things that make her come off like she’s a KIND, LOVING pampered rich kid, as indicated by her cup and chair etc

We learn that Palmon was familiar with the area and was able to guide the kids to the ocean (something Agumon and Piyomon couldn’t do)

Jyou is so serious about passing his exams it’s kind of becoming an unhealthy obsession for him, to the point he might somewhat lash out and take his anger out by beating up trees and even self-harming. This kid, is super stressed out, the weight of his family’s achievements (everyone being doctors) really pushing him down. Due to this, he is super unwilling to go save the world, all that matters to him is making sure he can study and pass his exams so he can have a prosperous future. Jyou also doesn’t seem to like himself much, as he asks if Gomamon was disappointed by what his partner human was like

Jyou is studying for his exams, as he has priorities set straight and nothing will stop him from passing his tests, not even being spirited away into a different world all alone. While seeing other kids did make him somewhat glad, it was only because he assumed it meant there was a way out of this world so he could get back to his life.

Although Jyou said he wouldn’t participate in the world saving business, he did keep an eye Gomamon, and seeing him get hurt did send Jyou running; while Jyou tried to seem like he didn’t care, he did, a lot

Unlike Jyou, Gomamon is super willing to go save the world; if Jyou’s duty is to study, Gomamon’s duty is to save the world, and Gomamon would like it if Jyou realized they share their duties. Even without Jyou, Gomamon is willing to help as much as he can, even if he’s alone

Gomamon is super observant, seeing how and why Jyou is struggling, and he just wants to help Jyou too, Gomamon even “nursed Jyou” back to health after finding him passed out in the DW

We learn that Taichi, Sora and Jyou (as well as Koushirou) do go to the same school, its name being Musako Elementary

The hut we’ve seen was either built by Gomamon (which implies that Gomamon is super crafty), an unknown party or was always there; Jyou didn’t build it as he woke up inside it after Gomamon brought him there

In the Human World we see it is now evening, the kids having been spirited away sometime around noon-afternoon.

We do see that Jyou has spent at least one night in the DW, which could mean the other kids have as well, if not even more

Episode 8: The Children’s Attack

Ikkakumon is strong enough to swim across the ocean while carrying 4 kids and 3 Child Digimon

We learn Jyou gets motion sickness and that he can’t swim

Jyou is somewhat irritated and/or imidated by a kid 3 years younger than him having so much info and being more aware of the current situation, which ties into his need of trying to be in-control of the situation and lead the group; this leads to Jyou trying to be responsible and ensure everyone survives unharmed by surrendering to the enemy (his heart is in the right place)

We learn that Yamato has been on his own this whole time; considdering the other kids were brought to this world, scattered around a little, it is possible Yamato was brought directly onto the Cloud Continent

Yamato is charmed and touched by the other kids and the Digimon cheering him on and believing in him, despite him being so cold to them; he is super tsundere

The first thing we see of the Cloud Continent is a beach with high cliffs and a lone fortress guarding it. On the outside the enemy fortress looks like old and realistic (in the sense that you could probably find a fortress like this in our very real world), but is straight from a sci-fi movie; the enemies have access to some advanced technology

With this episode taking place over night, we are moving onto at least Day 3 (if not further)

We see the Black Miasma for the first time

#Psi #Text post #Me? Posting researched content in 2020? That's just unheard of #For the record I have completed the rewatch and written the notes for the remaining episodes (up to ep 19 since that's what I was rewatching #I just need to read through the notes and edit them so they're like legible and in a comprehensible order #And cut out unnececary commentary #So yeah I have gotten started on the second part of this but it's not done and IDK when it'll be done #Depends on when I decide it's a good time to procrastinate #Also I doubt I'll do this for the rest of Psi because it does take a lot of time to do #(To the point I was actually rewatching Psi at double speed so I could get through the episodes faster)#(Which is valid because I take forever to write notes and I don't have all day to do this)#Also the purpose here was to come to a conclusion of the writing in the first arc or two (hard to divide them rn)#And I do think I have come to a conclusion about it already #But I'll save that for later

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frobisher-smythe · 4 years ago

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House of Cameras/House of Numbers

HOA Rewatch - Episodes 18/19

oh my god I forgot how sad trudy leaving was I’m crying

“it’s my own fault for believing you silly stories” CRYING IN THE CLUB

I think this is when I Truly starting hating victor like I always thought he was a bitch but this fully proves it like he’s just hitting All the bad boxes

and his cooking is shit so take that too victor

god I would become so disrespectful if I lived in that house I need to chill

you know when mick won’t eat it it’s bad

literally disgusting move with the cameras mate

I will admit victor in an apron is amusing

look at mick, getting after his dreams, I’m so proud

sexism in the boys, not okay, dw that will soon be stomped out of you when you realized how useless you are in comparison

the noise when jerome hears the word bet is funny tho that must be how his brain is going all the time just wii music until key words pop up

I feel so bad for mara literally no matter what she does she’s underestimated :(((

I love alfie so much, he knows no toxic masculinity

“alfie if you stretch my shoes”

dumb mick like seriously just because you lost doesn’t mean you should have a tantrum

mara is so well rounded, she knows like everything

and I fully support patricia calling out mick I really miss their duo, mara and patricia seemed like such good friends pre-sibuna

“a really dull reality show” well nina I’m afraid all of us here on hoa tumblr would have to disagree

Love me some house solidarity, when they all took the blame for the attic, when they all protested the cameras, these are my favorite moments

another duo I so wish we saw more of: fabian and mick. they look like such pals in background moments but the only front movement was when mick thought he was dating nina

bro do you know how fucking annoyed I be if I was asleep in that house and a fucking intercom can on about victor threatening to expel someone?? instant complaint to mr. sweet

also??? they were just downstairs??? all you had to do was yell from your window??? fucking extra

also pt2 does this bitch Ever sleep in a bed????

lmaoo fabian playing guitar to himself in front of the mirror, iconic

bro if I found out the pieces I had were thousands of years old I would Not be throwing them around in a bag they would be in a locked safe have some Respect

lmaoo fucking boarding school kids not knowing how to make fucking toast like y’all are gonna die when you have to feed yourselves “we’re gonna starve” please most people don’t even eat more than a granola bar for breakfast

y’all these are a bunch of wimps, me and my friends protest with police telling us to back down. a glorified handyman?? no chance.

casual joy disappearing jokes lmaoo

“my parents are pushy as well” iconic

I love amber so much she’s so confident everyone around her just goes with it

fabian’s lil eeeeyeah is the most attractive he’s ever been, the One moment I’ve been like oh? maybe nina and joy were onto smth?

“shh they still think I might be” 12/10

yesterday always follows tomorrow is actually pretty clever, most of the clues are pretty obvious but that one is a thinker

a pretty good episode if I do say so, I am a Sucker for any and all house solidarity and victor bashing and this episode has both 10/10

#house of anubis #mine #hoa #sibuna #victor rodenmaar #nina martin #fabian rutter #trudy rehmann #amber millington #patricia williamson #mick campbell #jerome clarke #mara jaffray #alfie lewis #eric sweet #daphney andrews #hoa rewatch

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woozisnoots · 4 years ago

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warnings: implied suicide

a/n: if you feel uncomfortable, pls skip to the important blog update under the cut. long post ahead sorry i did not realize 😬

i sat inside the booth between two train tracks. in such a small space, the pounding in my head didn’t compare to each and every one of my thoughts that touched each corner of the room. minute by minute, the cold from the outside slowly started to fog the outskirts of the glass window.

the train only came by twice a day. 6:40am and 11:40pm weekdays. 12:10am and 9:20pm weekends. i didn’t know what time it was on whatever day i came but it was pitch black out. no stars in the sky, no cricket sounds for miles, no person in sight. i gave up trying to move from the seat, my willingness to even lift a pinky was slim to none. i couldn’t care less if anyone saw me. any decent person would have just walked away if they knew what was good for them.

that night, there was a figure standing on the other side of the train tracks with a lantern held high. maybe twenty feet away. how long were they standing there? there was a good chance that i didn’t even know who it was. like any other night, i chose to ignore— in hopes that they would just leave.

but their lantern burned brighter in response. it was a subtle way of catching my eye but they caught all my attention. the brightness felt like it had finally reached me. it was like the tiniest bit of warmth had melted the frozen exterior of my body, enabling me to move. i was attracted to it. though i wasn’t entirely sure what ‘it’ was. without myself knowing, i was already opening the door.

i walked slow, inch by inch, wanting so bad just to feel that warmth again. just when i could start to feel again, it escaped my reach. i stopped on the tracks and stared at the stranger with a startled expression. right when the warmth left, the motor neurons in my body followed immediately after.

i panicked, not knowing what to do. my body not didn’t want to move. but i think what made me more unsettling was the fact that the stranger didn’t move either. even though the look in my eyes were begging for help.

moments passed, my heartbeart slowed but my mind continued to race with the most unpleasant, forbidden thoughts. knowing exactly where this was going to end, i blatantly stood there. i closed my eyes, listening to wheels of the train riding against the tracks grow from a trickle to a roar. but opened them to see the light shattered on the groud and the stranger reaching out for my hand.

[blog update]

hi there! this is yet again another update post, i bet you’re getting tired of them and i’m sorry. but it’ll be the last one in a while, hopefully. idek if anyone who reads this will actually care but i do need to get things off my chest. i’m making this sound a lot sadder that it actually is, but there is good in it, i promise. you can even skip to the bottom in bold if you really want!

so the past few sleepless nights that i’ve just laid in bed, i’ve soaked up a lot, including all the input that you guys have given me. to all the people that have reached out and given me feedback, thank you so much! but before i announce the news that you’re probably all here for, i would like to express my feelings and thoughts that i think have been bottled up.

world sucks and i want to set everything on fire obviously there’s been a lot going in the span of just a few days. without saying too much, all i will say is that it has taken a toll on me emotionally, more than i originally thought it did. every time a glimmer of hope is in my field of vision, it’s stomped on again by ginormous amounts of cow manure.

i’ve tried to word this in so many ways but the bottom line is: i’m just fucking tired. all the breakdowns i’ve had. the tears out of my eyes. the energy leaving my body. it’s the same feeling of them someone does smth so incredibly stupid that you have absolutely no words to say and you just let them be bc you feel like you already can’t do anything to stop them. but on a so much greater scale. and you feel like you’re just stuck there.

on a very personal note, it also sucks ass coming back on this blog after a long break from kpop. start writing my own content. meeting all you guys. but then having unfavorable events take place and go stumble on a rocky downhill, not knowing when it will never end. you can call me dramatic but it literally felt like someone came knocking on my door just to hit me in the face with a baseball bat ._.

but i was reminded of smth last night: i know one thing for sure. while i was watching svt vids with my lil sister, a smile never left my face. it was 3am and both us filled the living room with so much laughter and admiration. i love svt with my entire chest heart. there is no way in hell that i condone to their recent behaviors (and pledis’ for that matter as well). but like how so many others have stated, svt is a group of kindhearted, respectful, and humble boys no matter what circumstance. and i stand by that.

which brings me to the actual point of discussion: i will gradually start posting my svt writing/works as soon as maybe tmr or wed pst. they’ll probably be in spirts bc i have to get back in the rhythm of writing again, esp for my current series but they will be posted dw! i will try to pry away from writing about wonwoo, seokmin, and vernon for now. moments in july isn’t really a specific member centric fic anyway,,, at least not yet 👀 not saying i won’t ever write for them again, i just think it might be best for everyone’s comfort!

IF YOU HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT PLEASE REFER TO THIS POST AND DO ME A FAVOR AND CONTINUE TO REMIND PLEDIS THAT THEY CAN EAT COW SHIT FOR THE REST OF THEIR DYING DAYS UNTIL THEY TREAT SVT RIGHT. you can even submit/send me pledis memes so i can email/twt them out myself. highly encouraged.

ight i think that’s about it.

thank you guys for your love and patience!! my ask box and dms are always open for anyone that needs to talk!♥️

#update #announcement #about alex #oh also i think im fine #keyword being i think lolol #dw about me!

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fencesandfrogs · 4 years ago

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a very disorganized collection of thoughts about dni

if you’re looking for my dni: it does not exist. i do not care who you are. if i don’t like you i’ll block you. i will not make a big deal out of it. i’m not going to say what goes on that list because: internet safety and it’s not a hard and fast thing, but suffice to say this is what it looks like on my end:

so yeah dw abt it.

anyway. i don’t have anything against dni in concept or practice. that’s kind of a lie but it’s 1:30am idrc.

however every time i see a dni that’s like, more than a full screen long, or it’s like, dni also go read my about page, or like, do NOT follow me without reading it, etc etc i’m just like...

my dude u realize i followed u via my dashboard? u realize i’m not reading that, right?

like. i have my fair share of questionable opinions, opinions i put on this blog. see here, where i talk about a debated ship in warriors (cw: discussion about whether or not something is pedophilia and/or grooming), or this about neopronouns (considerably less questionable than the other).

if i see a dni/dnf/byf, and i’m like “hm this person does not like anti antis, something i don’t consider myself, but they might” i probably won’t follow. ffs please tho...i do not care who you are or what you think. but if u come at me for anything i ship, i’m probably going to say valid but i still ship it. do with that what u will.

or what have you.

but like, the implication that it is my responsibility to remember to check and search for every blog, and they all say it differently, and like, i just....fdasjhkdfa

there are some notable cases where i think a dni is particularly legit, mostly nsfw/minor blogs.

that said if ur a minor bb please don’t post that on ur profile. please. it’s super heckin dangerous. please. listen to ur elder. because u don’t know who i am. i tell u i am a university student but u don’t know that. just. please. don’t. okay?

but even then like, idk. again it’s 1:30 am. i’m not 100% alert.

fuck i just. i don’t want to vague blog and this was inspired by one particular blog but then i searched up the tags to make sure and like, i’m 75% studyblr, 25% fandom, and 5% people who i don’t know how i started following but i consider a mutual.

and...i’m going to stick w anti-anti because it’s something particularly difficult for me every time i see it. forget the debate about it...

i do not know if i count. other than the context of this post, and maybe a few stray reblogs, i have Not Once Mentioned my thoughts about this (current date/time: 2021-03-11-01:36, in case that changes but i don’t plan on it). and even then it’s usually like “yo hey uhhh people can ship unhealthy relationships without being bad people y’know?”

i do not blame u for being hesitant around it. i have an ashfur/squilf fic that i post quotes from sometimes (ashes, non-wc context: in canon this would be uhhh a bad relationship he just possessively dragged her into literally hell because she broke up w him after dating him for like 3 months), and every time someone interacts w it, i always do a vibe check. usually more bc sometimes it’s not clearly ash/squilf and i want people to be aware of that.

but anyway my point is i respect ur opinion. but i do not know if that applies to me. like. ig i post a lot abt dovewing and by extension tigerdove which is debatably problematic (i do not think it is but i do understand people’s opinion) but like, mostly it’s just “damn tigerheartstar do b a simp for his wife tho”

anyway like. do u...do u want me not to follow u? i don’t know! i don’t know! i don’t know!

or like, u say please don’t follow me if ur anti fat acceptance. well. i’m anti saying people who are fat are just as healthy as people who aren’t, without any qualifications on that statement whatsoever. i wrote a whole essay about it but it’s trapped the middle of my queue (at date of writing). but i start w fatphobia bad and end with the haes statement misses the mark because no one every actually means Every. more or less.

does...does that count? i don’t know.

alright 15 minutes have gone by which is my allotted daily old man yells at cloud rant time so i’m going to just end it here but i don’t know what to say except it’s just unrealistic to expect that from people.

i mean i think one of my posts is tagged a la “if you’re a map/w/e this explicitly does not apply to you, do not reblog it and act like it does” re a post abt homophobia that just said “who you love” and like. if a map finds it. and reblogs it. i’ll just block em. i would anyway.

dfshuj i have no conclusion only...maybe consider: it is ableist to expect people to read it, and you shouldn’t phrase it that way

#q #mine #txt #11th #March #2021 #March 11th 2021 #essay #long #personal #discourse

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isidar-mithrim · 4 years ago

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Letters from Hogwarts – Gus

For more than a thousand years, every summer, in the United Kingdom, the lives of a lucky cluster of eleven years old are radically changed.

These are the stories of four of them.

The first was that of a boy who lived for too long in the belief that he wasn’t a wizard, the second is that of a boy who lived for too long under the illusion of being one.

{Second installment of the “Letter from Hogwarts” series, but it stands alone}

{For this fic I have to thank immensely Hilda, Mah and @sazzy-hp-dw for their help and betaing! <3}</p>

{‘Letters from Hogwarts’ on tumblr: Neville, Remus and Hermione; on Ao3: Neville, Gus, Remus and Hermione}

__________________________________

Of missives, felines, and promises

He was chewing a delicious hazelnut biscuit when a decrepit owl glided uncertainly into their kitchen, landing with a thud right in front of him and making the milk wobble inside his mug.

Gus felt a surge of blissful joy and amazing relief, and with a thundering heart he hastily freed the thick envelope from the owl’s leg.

The owl took advantage of his distraction and pecked at his abandoned biscuit. In different circumstances Gus would have felt resentful, but this time the yearning to read the letter was too strong for him to be annoyed.

He opened it with trembling hands, cracking the wax seal without even looking at it, and with religious respect he took out the parchment covered in orange ink.

Chudley Cannons

Summer Camp for young beginners.

Your broom keeps unsaddling you, but you dream of becoming the Captain of your House Quidditch team?

You’ve never spotted a Snitch, but you want to break the record for the fastest catch?

You failed any attempt to get the Quaffle through the two hoops, forgetting that there was a third?

You are an excellent Beater, but your teammates keep losing teeth?

Then you’ve picked the right course for you! Fly with us and become a Champion!

Shooting Stars are supplied.

Detailed information about costs, schedules and locations of the course overleaf.

Gus put down the sheet of parchment and didn’t even bother to turn it over, a bitter taste in his mouth replacing the thrill of joy he had felt mere moments ago.

After the umpteenth humiliation suffered on the Quidditch pitch, his mother had suggested that he enroll for that stupid course promoted on the radio. I’m sure your broom will start listening to you, after a bit of practise, she had said.

He had dwelled on it for a while, but then she added a promise too sweet to be ignored. You’ll shine, at Hogwarts.

He had been full of optimism and good intentions when he sent the letter, and yet he couldn’t find the will to be happy with the news, his mind wandering towards fresh memories that stung more than he was willing to admit.

“Look! My Hogwarts letter!” Kresten had shouted ecstatically a week ago, running towards them and waving it with pride. They had spent the whole afternoon dreaming of their future Houses and wondering about wand woods and cores, betting on how many they would have to try before finding the right one.

The morning after, it had been Gus’ cousin Alan and their friend Jacob to celebrate, and then it had been Horatio’s turn.

“What about your letter?” Kresten had asked the following day, and Gus still wondered if he had only imagined the malice in his voice.

“Mum says it’ll arrive soon,” he had lied, his tone challenging in the hope of concealing the insidious anguish that had been creeping inside him more and more every day that went by without a letter.

“When will it arrive?” he had asked at dinner the day before.

“Soon, sweetheart.” His mother had given him a strained smile, before lowering her gaze to her plate.

Too caught up in the past, Gus was startled when his mum stormed into the kitchen.

“I’m warning you, you won’t go out until you’ve tidied up…”

She trailed off, her wide eyes fixed on the letter in front of him.

“Merlin… it arrived…” she murmured, as her bewilderment slowly morphed into amazement. “It arrived!”

She rushed towards Gus to squeeze him into a crushing hug.

“Oh, sweetheart, I’m so proud of you! You’ll see, they’ll be able to teach you the most incredible magic, at Hogwarts!”

Gus tensed at her excited words, but she didn’t seem to notice, too preoccupied with kissing his head and saying stupid, unwelcome things.

When she finally let him go, he glared at her, hoping this time she wouldn’t miss his gloomy frustration.

“It’s not my Hogwarts letter,” he hissed against the lump in his throat.

His mum froze, her eyebrows pursed in a confused frown. “What do you mean, it’s not?”

“It means it’s not!” yelled Gus with mounting rage. “It’s only,” he said, clenching the letter in his fist, “that sodding,” – he crumpled the hated parchment with his fingers – “Quidditch course,” – he crushed it between is hands – “you wanted me to join!” he shouted, throwing the paper ball in her face with forceful contempt, before running into his bedroom and slamming the door with all his might.

He was sulking on his bed when his mother knocked gently.

“Go away!” yelled Gus, but she ignored his protest.

He turned onto his side to face the wall, kicking it in frustration, and heard her light steps getting closer. He curled up in defense, pulling his knees up to his chest and wrapping his arms around them. “I don’t want to talk about it,” he muttered.

He felt the mattress sagging when his mother sat down beside him, her side brushing his back, her fingers softly caressing his hair. He jerked his head away, but his mum didn’t relent, running her fingers through his strands with tender, placating movements.

His anger faded, replaced by a deep, aching sadness that pressed down on his chest and clenched his throat. Silent, spiteful tears ran down his cheeks, and eventually he was sobbing in his mother’s arms, his snot damping her shirt.

“It’ll come, you’ll see,” she murmured, and in the comfort of her hug it was easy to delude himself that it was true.

“Alan will buy his books and all the rest this Saturday,” Gus mentioned casually during lunch. “We could go too.”

His mum hesitated. “Why don’t we go this Friday, instead?”

“But I want to go with Alan!” he complained, annoyed.

“Saturdays are always so busy, though…”

“We can’t go alone. I don’t have the list.”

His mum smiled, but it didn’t reach her eyes. “Well, I can ask Aunt Agnes to give me a copy.”

He huffed. “Okay, then…”

Gus left Flourish and Blotts with his brand-new pewter cauldron full of interesting books.

“Now there’s only the wand left!” he said excited, walking towards Ollivanders with a spring in his step.

His mum gave him an exaggerated grin. “Of course, sweetheart.”

When he reached the wand shop, he rested his hand against the window and peered inside.

“Look how many there are, Mum!” he said, enthralled by the sight of dozens of shelves packed with small boxes. “C’mon, let’s go inside!”

He was about to open the door, when his mum held him back.

She was still smiling, but now her expression seemed strained… Fake.

“Shouldn’t we wait for the letter, before buying a wand?” she asked with a too high-pitched voice.

Gus swallowed. “Why?” he asked harshly.

His mother let out an awkward laugh. “Well, you see, nobody ever buys a wand before receiving the letter… I’m not even sure that it’s allowed, so we really sh–”

“But I’m eleven!” Gus cut her off. “I want to start casting spells!”

“You know children can’t do magic outside of Hogwarts, sweetheart…”

“But all my friends have! Horatio fell from his broom and bounced without breaking a single bone; Jacob once spilled pumpkin juice on Alan but he didn’t get wet; Kresten made the mud stains on his new trousers disappear, because he was scared his mother would ground him, and –”

His mother sighed, her forced smile fading. “Those… those weren’t real spells, Gus…”

“Of course they were!”

She shook her head. “They were just… just bursts of accidental magic,” she explained in a low voice. “You see, it’s normal for children to accidentally do wandless magic, from time to time… Every child does.”

“But that’s not true!” objected Gus, clenching his hands. “It never happened to me!”

“No,” said his mother, her eyes glassy, and Gus felt his stomach plummeting. “No, it never happened to you, because you… you are not a wizard, Gus…”

He looked at her in shock, shaking his head in betrayed disbelief, his mouth opening and closing without uttering any sound.

“I… of course I am… I… I have to be…”

His mother swallowed, her features crumpled in sorrow, and Gus hated her for this despicable show of weakness.

“I’m so, so sorry, sweetheart, I know I should have told you sooner, but –”

“YOU’RE WRONG!” shouted Gus, a sour taste in his mouth, his inside twisted in a knot. He couldn’t bear it, he couldn’t bear her, with her sickening lies and her deceiving smiles, and when she grabbed him from the shoulders, Gus wriggled free.

He ran away with angry tears running down his face, feeling like his whole world had just been ripped apart.

He was crying in a forgotten alley, his back pressed against cold bricks and his forehead resting upon his knees, when he felt something wet grazing his fingers.

He shot his head towards it and saw a black kitten brushing his tiny snout against his bare skin.

“Go away,” he mumbled, but didn’t move his hand.

The kitten probably sensed his lack of conviction, because it didn’t pull back, preferring to lick his fingers. It tickled a bit, but in a pleasant way, and Gus tentatively turned his hand over to caress its neck.

“Where do you come from, kitty?”

Its soft meow was covered by the rumors of hasty steps, and a moment later a girl with dirty blond hair darted into the alley.

She stopped abruptly when she saw him, her breaths deep and frequent, a hand pressed against her right side. When she lowered her gaze, her eyes went wide. “Tibbles!” she exclaimed, running towards Gus and lifting the docile kitten in her arms. “I was at the Magical Menagerie, and,” - she took a deep breath - “a nasty cat fled from the owner’s hands and scared him off,” she explained with a hint of resentment, taking another deep breath.

Gus nodded in understanding, feeling a bit sorry for her and for her kitten, but also for himself. He would have liked to stay alone with Tibbles for a bit longer.

“I searched for him in every alley,” said the girl. “Thank Merlin you found him.”

“It wasn’t me who found him. He was the one who found me.”

The girl threw him a suspicious glance. “That’s weird. He doesn’t like strangers.”

“Well, he likes me,” said Gus defensively.

She quirked an eyebrow, studying his face. “So it seems,” she conceded eventually, scratching Tibbles’ ears. “Anyway, I’m glad he isn’t lost. Mr Paws would have gone barmy if I had come back without him.”

Gus felt a sting of annoyance. “Is Mr Paws your father?” he asked, narrowing his eyes. If his own dad were still alive, Gus certainly wouldn’t call him by his surname.

The girl scoffed mockingly, and he didn’t know if he felt more irritated or humiliated.

He crossed his arms in a challenging pose. “What’s so funny?”

“He’s not my father, silly boy,” she clarified with a slightly patronising tone. “He’s Tibbles’ father. I have to bring him back to him, by the way, but you can come with me to the Magical Menagerie, if you like. You seem a bit lost.”

“I’m not lost!” he spluttered indignantly.

The girl shrugged. “Suit yourself, then,” she said, heading towards the entrance to the alley with Tibbles secured firmly in her arms.

Gus watched her walking away, but a moment later he jumped onto his feet, wiping his face with the back of his hands.

“Wait,” he called, rushing towards her. “I’m coming too.”

She shrugged again. “Fine,” she said, looking at him with an odd expression. “Do you want to carry Tibbles?”

Gus hadn’t expected the offer, and he nodded eagerly, stretching his hands to grab him. The kitten snuggled cosily in his arms, and this was all Gus needed to endure the endless, dull chatting of the girl, who had taken it upon herself to tell him everything about her crossbred cats and Kneazles.

The Magical Menagerie was smelly, noisy and packed with cages on every wall. There were animals of every kind and colour, from cats, toads, and rats to weird furballs and double-ended newts.

“Arabella!” exclaimed the witch behind the counter, pulling off a pair of heavy black spectacles with which she was examining an adult cat with black fur. “Did you find him?” she asked urgently, while the cat raised his head and meowed.

The girl pointing her thumb at Gus. “He did.”

The witch pressed a hand to her chest at the sight of Tibbles. “Thank Merlin,” she said with relief. “I’m sorry about what happened, dear. I won’t charge you for Mr Paws’ examination, and feel free to grab a packet of cat treats on your way out.”

“I will,” said Arabella without any trace of embarrassment, before taking Mr Paws from the counter. She then turned towards Gus, looking right into his eyes. “What’s your name, by the way?”

“Gus,” he said a bit defiantly.

“You’re the boy they’re looking for, then!” said the older witch, her eyes wide. “Your mother was here a moment ago, she was worried sick!”

Gus felt a rush of vicious satisfaction at these words. “Serves her right,” he muttered.

“Come now, lad!” scolded the witch. “I’ll go find her. You stay here.” She pointed a menacing finger at him before looking back at the girl. “Arabella, I’m sorry, but you’ll have to wait a bit more. I’ll show you the new kittens when this matter is solved.”

“It’s okay,” said the girl, nonplussed.

As soon as the witch was out of the shop, Gus dashed to the door, but only to find out she had locked it. He swore and kicked it, frustrated.

Arabella looked at him with curiosity. “Why are you avoiding your mum?”

“That’s none of your business,” he said, scowling. “Why do you know that witch so well?”

“Weren’t you listening?” she asked, annoyed. “I told you, I picked all my cats here. I want the seventh one.”

“What do you do with all these cats, if you’re only allowed to bring one to Hogwarts?”

For the first time, Arabella was lost for words. She lowered her eyes, swaying slightly on her feet. “I…”

“Do you really have six cats?”

“Of course I do!” she said indignantly, raising her head again to glare at him.

“Then how –”

“I’ve never been to Hogwarts, okay?” she cut him off aggressively. “Are you happy, now?”

He stared at her, taken aback. She was taller than him and obviously a few years older. “Why not?” he asked in a low voice, his heart thundering in his ears.

“Because I’m a Squib, that’s why.”

Gus had no idea what she was talking about. “A what?”

“Someone without magical power born into a wizarding family,” she said with impatience. “Are you taking the mickey or have you actually never heard of it?”

Gus stayed silent. Squib. So that was what people like him were called…

“I’m a Squib too,” he admitted, finally saying out loud what he had secretly known since forever. He felt relieved, in a way.

“Oh.” She didn’t look particularly bothered. “Well, that’d explain why Tibbles liked you, then. Cats love Squibs.”

“They do?”

“Yes, Albus Dumbledore told me so, in person. See, my parents know him.”

Gus was quite impressed to hear that, but he wasn’t particularly keen to tell her.

She rolled her eyes. “You know, Dumbledore?” She had spoken as if she was talking to a two-year-old. “Hogwarts’ Deputy Headmaster, the greatest –”

“I know who he is!” said Gus with resentment. Blimey, he had five Chocolate Frog Cards of him! Of course he knew who he was. Everybody did.

The girl’s miffed answer was lost, because at that moment the owner got back, his mother in tow.

“Gus!” exclaimed the latter, rushing to hug him. “I was so worried, I couldn’t find you anywhere!”

He didn’t answer, making sure to put on a reproachful scowl. When his mum looked at him with dismay, Gus felt cruelly pleased.

The owner stepped in, laying a hand on his shoulder. “Why don’t you help Arabella pick her new kitten, lad?”

She had spoken with a conciliatory tone, and even if Gus hated to admit it, he was intrigued by the offer. He glanced at the girl and she shrugged, so he looked back at the witch and nodded. “Okay.”

“C’mon, then,” she said briskly, leading them behind the counter. One by one, they took all the cats and Kneazles out of their cage, no matter their fur colour or their age, and Gus and Arabella held them all in turn.

“What about that one?” asked Gus with surprise when the witch skipped one of the cages.

“She’s the one that scared Tibbles,” said Arabella with bitterness.

“Can I see her?”

The witch looked at him with raised eyebrows. “Are you sure? I can’t guarantee you that –”

He nodded with decision.

“Very well, then.” She opened the cage with cautious movements, and the kitten showed her sharp teeth, jerking a paw forward with her claws out.

“Nasty kitty!” yelped the witch, withdrawing her hand.

Gus got closer, intrigued. Ignoring his mother’s frightened “No!”, he bent forward and took the dust-coloured kitten, who snuggled meekly in his arms, purring happily.

Gus turned and met the baffled gaze of the three women in the shop. “Can I keep her, Mum?” he asked. Only silence followed. “Mum?”

“Of course, sweetheart,” she said, coming back to earth. “Of course you can keep her.”

His mum knocked on the door and peered into his room without waiting for an answer.

“It’s Alan,” she said with a smile. “Why don’t you go and say hi?”

Gus kept caressing his kitten’s fur. “Tell him I’m not here,” he said, lowering his gaze and hoping she would take it as a hint to let him be.

“It’d do you good to go out with your friends, once in a while…”

“I don’t want to see them.”

“Gus… They care about you… I’m sure they’d understand, if you talk to them…”

“Nobody cares about Squibs,” he said stubbornly. “Except cats,” he added on a second thought.

“Please, Gus…”

“I said, tell them I’m not here.”

“Okay,” murmured his mum, defeated.

He thought she might have been crying, but he didn’t bother to check.

Gus refused to meet his friends for the rest of the summer. He would rather stay alone all the time than tell them why he wasn’t going to Hogwarts, or why he would never own a wand.

He made a habit of watching them play, perched on his windowsill, his cat always at his side. He couldn’t say when he had begun to resent them so much, so agile on their broomsticks, so happy and carefree, so good at reminding him how different he was.

“One day, we’ll go to Hogwarts too,” he promised to his cat on one of those awful afternoons. “And I swear that not a single student will dare make fools of Mrs Norris and Argus Filch.”

#fanfiction #fanfic #ao3 #letters from hogwarts #hogwarts letter #missing scene #canon compliant #pre-canon #pre-hogwarts #squib #cats #minor character #one shot #long post

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