#dumb idiot needs to realize that other people care about him just as much as he cares about them. i'm gonna give him a noogie btw

[cherubharrington]

I love you, I’m sorry

Rafe x Sofia

Authors note: this might be a little meta, but reader is in this. She’s not romantically linked to either Rafe and Sofia in this one. So this is almost like an au where she’s just Sofia’s pogue friend. Can yall tell I really like the whole singing thing.. also I won’t lie to yall. My mental health has decline by a lot so here’s something that’s helping me cope.

You’d been surprised when Sofia had told you; she quit. You’d been even more surprised that she had told you that Rafe told her too. You’d told her that was a terrible idea. That rich guys like Rafe would end up fucking her over and she shouldn’t be financially dependent on him. She hadn’t listened.

A rapid knock was heard at your door. You went quickly towards the door. You opened it, seeing a crushed Sofia.

She had told you everything.

You hadn’t realize how deep it’d all been. But now you were with her on the beach. Trying to distract her from all that had to do with Rafe Cameron. You’d brought your other friends. Hoping that’ll cheer her up. But to no avail, she sat on the beach blanket; quiet.

“Ay amiga! I know it hurts now. But you’ll heal from it eventually.” You say, holding her hand. She looked towards you, furrowed brows and a frown.

“I just— I don’t think he’ll ever forgive me. He told me he hates when people break his trust. And I did the worst thing possible. I’m such a piece of—

You stopped her before she could continue. Your hand on top of hers.

“You can’t beat yourself up for it. Even though, was it excessive? Yes, but it’s already been done. You can’t keep hating yourself because you were hurt by his words. You acted out of hurt.” You say, trying to console her.

Her head falls to your shoulders. “I’m still an idiot. I should have known it was a swindle. The whole thing felt sketchy. Now Hollis is dead and Groff ran away with Rafes money.”

You give her a sympathetic look. “It’s like, no matter how hard I try. I always make dumb decisions that hurt the people I care about most. I let my anger get in the way.” She continues. “He did so much for me and I threw it all away. If he never forgives me. I don’t blame him.” She looked down at the ground, a frown on her face.

A Karol g song starts to blast through the speakers and you looked down at her and smile.

“Dame tiempo/que no estoy mi mejor momento.” (Give me time, that I’m not at my best) You start to sing, Sofia looking up at you, a sad smile on her face.

“Y mientras me curo del corazón/Hoy salgo pa'l mar a aprovechar que hay sol/Está bien no sentirse bien, es normal, no es delito” (And while I heal from the heart/Today I go out to the sea to take advantage of the sun/It's okay to not feel good, it's normal, it's not a crime)

Tears start to roll down her face as you continue to sing. Your hand now in hers. You sway a little as you sing. Unaware of someone approaching you two from behind.

“No necesito más/Solo amor, dame tiempo/Yo me sano con tu compañía/Esa paz que me das” (Don't need more/Just love, give me time/I heal with your company/That peace that you give me) She finally is back to eye level with you. She sings along with you. You nudge her, making her smile.

Someone clears their throat, you and Sofia breaking apart. Turning to see who it is. Your eyes widen as you see who it is. Rafe. You turn to see Sofia then back to him.

“I’ll leave you two… alone.”

(Sofias pov)

Sofia looked at Rafe as he sat down beside the sand. Rafe looked back as her friend walked away. He turned back to Sofia.

“So..” Rafe starts.

“I’m so sorry.” She sobs, it comes out of her quickly. He turns to her suddenly, his expression unreadable.

Then he sighs.

“Why did you do it?” He asks coldly, he looks towards the ocean. The waves rolling out towards shore. It would have been peaceful, had it not been for the tension between them.

“The deal with Hollis? It was stupid and it’s just going to make you more mad.” Rafes face hardens, his jaw ticking.

“I’ll be more mad if you don’t tell me. Tell me why? I deserve to know that much.” He looks at Sofia intently, she could feel her heart hammering in her chest. She didn’t know how to begin.

“My dad had came to me, asking for my help. He’d— he’d asked me to help Hollis nudge you for this deal.” Sofia sighs, her eyes looking towards him. But he’s still watching the waves roll out, kissing the shore before rolling back in. “ I told him no, originally. That I wouldn’t scam you like that. That it was dishonest.”

Rafe scoffs, shaking his head. “Oh yeah?”

Sofia face screws up, “Yes Rafe, I wasn’t going to do that to you. But then. But then I heard you with Ruthie and Topper.”

Rafe finally turns when he hears those two names. His brows furrow.

“That just because we hooked up didn’t mean that made me your girlfriend. That you wouldn’t live with a pogue… how you have standards.” She says, now being the one who turned towards the ocean. Unable to look him in the eyes.

Her friends had gone towards the water now. Making sure to give them privacy. —Silence engulfs them. The sounds of the seagulls, people laughing, and the waves crashing can only be heard.

“I didn’t mean that.” He says, “I just— when I have something. I don’t want people to ruin it and I just didn’t like how she spoke to me. I was being defensive. But I didn’t mean it.”

Sofia scrunches her eyebrows. “It still hurt to hear, Rafe. I-I know I messed up. I only did what I did out of anger…”

Rafe is silent for a while, he rubs his hand across his face. Biting his lip, which she wasn’t used to seeing.

“I just need time okay.” He finally says.

“Time?”

“Time to forgive you. I know I broke up with you so fast. I should have let you explain yourself. But it’s not like you were dying to say anything.” He says bitterly. Their eyes finally meet. It feels almost like the first time it ever did. Without her betrayal. When things were fresh. She would do anything to go back to that.

He’d been so kind. She didn’t think someone like him would ever notice her. But he did.

“I love you, I’m sorry Rafe.” She whispers, his face can’t settle on an emotion to feel.

“Just give me time.” Sofia nods, placing her head on his shoulder. He lets her. Both of them watching was the waves settles. Smoother than the crashes it had been.

Taglist

@lostsyren

[kotaerukoto]

Remember guys: if you ask Makoto self-sacrifice is DUMB and BAD unless he is the one doing it in which case he's not FINE with it but he's gonna go through with it if it has to be

[kaivenom]

May I request something heart break high related please?

Pool Pals

Summary: a normal afternoon with Ant ended up with you two breaking into the Hartley pool

Pairing: Anthony Vaughn x reader

Warnings: breaking into places, usual parties and alcohol, they are canonicaly 18th so it's not underage drinking.

A/N: Answering this person (the first request on this blog) i am really happy to do this and contribute to increase the little amount of fanfics that this fandom has. Of course i will write about them and i will write more from now on.

Masterlist

At first, you two were hanging out on his garage, doing dumb stuff and not caring, then he said "let's break into the school's pool" and you said yes. It was exciting, just the two of you breaking the chains of your high school and like that, you were right in front of the pool. Everything would be dark if it wasn't because of the lights that came from the low of the pool.

"Oh my, we forgot swimsuits," you said slapping your forehead.

"Why we need them?" he looked at you with a smile and stripped himself into his underwear.

He threw himself onto the pool and gave you a gently hand to get into the water, with that adorable smile. You were a little self concious about entering with your underwear but at the end you did, and took his hand into the cold water.

"Are you shivering?" he asked you laughing.

"No, of course not, idiot."

You splashed him jokingly and suddently you started a water war. It was very funny, like time wasn't passing at all, each moment your bodies getting closer with the excuse of making the other one wetter.

At some point he wrapped you around his arms trying to made you stop, but neither of you could stop laughing, but his face was closer every second he twisted you with his arms. That little fight made the noise outside go unnoticed.

"What we have here?" suddently the door slammed open and an incredible amount of people entered the pool room, that voice was from Spider, "Man, you weren't answering my calls, i though you were dead, but when i tracked your phone and saw where you were i couldn't resist."

Now your relaxed oasis was full of people, drinking, partying and making noise. You didn't have the courage to get outside of the water and Ant was dragged with Spider. Now you are alone.

You spotted Amerie, Darren and the rest of your group and tried to get their attention. Once they saw you, help was provided and you finally had a towel to cover you up and went outside the pool. The next couple of hours you were with them, trying to ignore the fact that Spider ruined a beautiful moment. You couldn't talk anymore to Ant but you noticed his gaze on you.

"The police is here!!!!!" that was the sound of chaos, everyone started running and screaming.

Many people ended up on the pool trying to escape and you almost did that if it weren't for Ant's hand catching you. You two started to run and the towel fell off, you couldn't care less at that moment. The escape went for a couple of miles, until you didn't hear the sirens of the police anymore and you were sure you were alone.

That's when you realized the absence of the towel and tried to cover your body. Ant was fast thinking for once and got out his shirt to put it directly on you.

"Thanks," you said nervously.

"Nah, don't worry, it looks better on you." both of you smiled.

His hand went to you face and carresed slowly your cheek, his lips met yours in a sweet kiss.

"I've been wanting to do this all afternoon."

"Yeah, me too, but Spider..."

"Don't talk about him right now, you want to take a walk and find a nice place to seat and finish our hang out finally?"

"I would like it very much, but maybe i should go by my house before because i don't have pants right now."

"Nah, you look very good like that, but i can give you mine if you want."

His hand interlaced with yours as you two started walking down the street and laugh at Ant's jokes.

[rainbowchaox]

QSMP! Phil Character Analysis and How It Relates to Pissa

Okay so this is primarily coming from my tired thoughts in the discord run by the true pissa general aka @pepper-mintzyy. I’m gonna flesh it out here with much more detail.

I first came to this whole analysis because Phil always makes subtle characters. Most of his characters don’t verbalize what his motives or emotions. And his characters are always on the show not tell. And this is important because this trait of our his characters is the same in Qsmp!Phil and it’s a important to realize how this is so important to the pissa ship as whole . Because it’s literally why cubito Phil reacts the way he does towards those he especially loves (Aka Missa)

Phil loves to be subtle with his characters. Like I said above he is a show not tell with his characters. Usually his characters are layered and complicated. So much so he is never really honest with his own emotions. Primarily as a way to make sure he is ready for the next threat. The next enemy. He worries so much for the possibilities of danger he feels he can’t be distracted by emotions. He rather repress emotions then those he loves and cares for actually be in danger because he couldn’t get his emotions in check.

So knowing this of course he got paired with Missa whose emotions bleed out like ink. For the better or for the worse (Maybe I will eventually do a twin analysis on Missa character and how it relates to the pissa ship on a later date.)

And this is unknown territory for Philza. Because Philza as a character is always in survival mode. Sure Missa is emotional and illogical at times. But Missa is kind and gentle. And Philza is not used to this. But Missa as a person brings calm and comfort. Philza doesn’t feel like he could be in fight any minute when he is with Missa. Sure Missa can’t protect him in terms of fighting mobs. But Philza doesn’t need him to do so. Philza just wants him there.

So of course Philza will start to see Missa differently. And I think he knows he loves Missa. Philza isn’t dumb to his own feelings. He just can’t bring himself to say it verbally in case of possible danger. It’s hard for him to do things that go against his idea of being ready, of being strong, of being able to not be weak. Even if his perceived weakness is actually a strength.

So his love for Missa primarily comes out in loyalty, of waiting for him to come back when anybody else would have given up, in gifts, and in simple gestures that look like nothing but is actually everything. In the fact he matched his backpack to fit Missa. The fact he was so worried about him when he came back. I truly believe he knows he loves Missa. But whether it’s the paranoia or stubbornness he can’t bring himself to show that fact so clearly.

He isn’t a idiot. He isn’t emotionless. He knows who he hates. Who annoys him. And who he loves. But showing that emotional side out in the open. To others who might use that fact against him to harm those he loves. He can’t have that.

So he never says I love you in words. He says I love you with new armor. He says I love you bandaging wounds. He says I love you watching your blind spot and protecting you in battle. He says I love you by giving you his utmost loyalty. A gift hardest to get and the hardest to lose. And maybe he never says I love you to Missa in words.

That doesn’t mean he loves Missa any less. They are equal in their adoration. Philza emotions are a flame under the ice. Intense in passion and loyalty. I think a part of him is scared of his own emotions. And it probably took him ages to get to a point where he could control the pyre so to speak.

But he is just a person. And people are all selfish to a point. He is a brewing contradiction of a man. He wants both worlds. He wants to proclaim he loves Missa on top of a mountain. He want’s everyone to be jealous of him and Missa. He wants a true commitment.

But also we wants safety, he wants logic, He wants not to be weak and to protect without being overwhelmed by his own emotions. He is a complicated contradiction of a man. And his actions hurt him more than anything. He wants to be with Missa so badly but he can’t bring himself to fully let himself. But the fact is he adores Missa. He will possibly do anything for Missa and his family. And maybe one day he can see. He can be the protector and have Missa in the way he actually wants. That he so called WEAKNESS might be his greatest strength. That loving someone doesn’t mean he will lose them right after. He loves Missa. And he fully want to scream that fact.

[neonscandal]

Manga with Me: Sad SatoSugu Edition (Because That's Literally the Only Flavor There Is) Pt 2

Because I realized reblogging my initial post to keep the list going was super dumb if I want to keep gratuitously adding to it so... if you've already seen part 2, no you haven't. Especially since I had to add at least one other thing to the mix.

Part 1 | Part 2

⚠️ Spoiler Warning: JJK 0 movie + season 2 though things may get out of chronological order as I just keep thinking in circles.

Buckle up:

How positively fucked it was that Kenjaku knew the ins and outs of Geto’s thoughts about Gojo upon his possession… and knew how Geto was the one thing that could trip Gojo up… but those idiots were completely unaware.

The fact that they were always cast at odds, cursed technique wise, nature vs nurture, attitude, ideology, etc. But they still found the common ground to respect and care for one another.

I kept saying how Geto only loses his cool when harm comes to Gojo but… the crux of it is the fact that Geto is the only person who loses his cool when harm comes to Gojo because no one else could fathom the possibility (until Yuta and Yuji came along). Gojo’s power damns him to be an infallible weapon just as much as it damns Geto to be a casualty.

In fact, Geto thanked him for his hard work during the Star Plasma Vessel mission. As if Gojo had a choice. But still, Geto expressed appreciation for what most everyone else probably took for granted.

How Geto was the one person who truly challenged and undid Gojo’s godlike power all because Gojo cared for him. *insert River Song’s tirade about the Doctor loving a mere human.*

The fact that Riko’s death and their subsequent failure is what catapulted Gojo back into the need to refine and perfect his godlike strength which brought him out of touch with Geto. The isolation which Gojo knew all too well is what destroyed Geto.

Not enough emphasis was given to the fact that Geto was actively spiraling, probably couldn’t bring a spoon to his own mouth BUT STILL WANTED TO TREAT GOJO.

Geto didn’t know the power he held over Gojo or, more likely, he never chose to use it because, if Gojo would just follow him, how would that not be just as bad as the position he was already forced into by the elders? Even so, Gojo was frenzied and showed such elevated emotion when Geto defected, when he confronted him. He was undone.

After Geto, we never have the same level of insight or clarity into Gojo either. So, in addition to no longer being vulnerable to threats, he’s no longer vulnerable to us, the readers, either.

This isn’t strictly a SatoSugu observation but.. the fact that Gojo’s strength damned him to face off against a person he cares most about not once… but twice?

Gojo cultivated a life surrounded by people who he protected, who he guided, who were indebted to him, even, and he still felt like Geto was his one and only, even after everything. Even as his dream came into fruition with his team of strong students, it was all for Geto and all for naught without him.

This face when Geto realizes what we’ve known all along. Gojo’s love was unconditional but unfathomable to Geto. Please, I’m sick about it.

During the events of the JJK 0 movie, after 10 years apart, Gojo could still piece together Geto's plan just as well as Geto could figure out that Gojo sent Panda and Toge into battle to trigger Yuta's power up.

When Gojo retorts that “it’s called trust. People with beliefs like yours won’t kill a young sorcerer without reason.” having been figured out by Geto.

Even so, Geto receives that as personally as Gojo probably meant it, surprised to find that "[he] didn't realize [Gojo] still felt any connection with [him]."

When you consider that, even at the close of his life, couldn't be forthright and honest and simply tell Gojo that he never hated him.

Even when Gojo was the source of his most genuine smiles. Even bloody in an alley, death staring him in the face, claiming to not be able to smile with his whole heart and yet

Points aggressively at the board. 👆🏾👆🏾👆🏾

Stay tuned for when I inevitably circle back to light novels, OP's, EP's and literally anything else that pops into my head as this dynamic continues to haunt me. ✨

[beanghostprincess]

Transmasc Sanji coming out to the gang and of course everyone is incredibly supportive. Chopper even manages to get him the One Piece equivalent of testosterone (may be actual testosterone but also I feel in a world where there’s a viral illness that gets you all boobed up there may be funnier options). Hurrah!

…. Except hat Sanji is afraid of needles and his T-shot is absolute agony for him every time. He can’t do it himself. The only people he trusts with it are Chopper, Nami and Robin. Until one day Usopp asks him if he can try it, because those three are currently otherwise occupied and Sanji has been kind of moping about it all day. Sanji agrees thinking it will be hell and prepares himself to constantly tell Usopp “NOT THERE!” “Make it quick!” “Please for the love of god don’t hit anything important I don’t want- …. What are you doing?”

He locks eyes with Usopp whose tongue is poking out, a pen in his hand, drawing on his leg. “Taking aim.” Sanji looks down at himself to see the bullseye painted onto his thigh. “What-“ The sniper pulls down his goggles with a comically serious expression “Target locked.” “Pff.” “Three. Two. One.” It still startles Sanji despite his laughter, but the needle pierces his skin like butter. Usopp forgoes the theatrics for a second to make sure he does the rest of the injection correctly, just like he had watched Chopper do it a hundred times before. When he pulls back his expression remains dead serious. “Target eliminated.” And that’s when Sanji breaks out into hysterical laughter “God! GOD that’s so stupid!” He needs a minute to calm himself down again, looking at his friends beaming face, happy that it all went down so smoothly. “Thank you…” “What can I say?” Usopp responds, twirling the needle between his fingers and making show out of blowing imaginary smoke from its tip “I’m an expert marksman.”

I've always loved the headcanon of Sanji being scared of needles because of Germa's experiments,,, And this is just so sweet. He finally gets to be himself around his family!! And he's thrilled and so so grateful that Chopper and the others are willing to help him go through this. But of course, the fear of needles doesn't go away easily.

Not that he actually tells people about it. He only says he trusts Chopper and the girls more when it comes to gentle, medical stuff and he doesn't want the clumsy idiots in his crew to get near him with something sharp. Which is, you know, perfectly understandable. So nobody thinks twice about it.

But Usopp knows. Usopp knows because he has seen Sanji close his eyes tightly while doing this, whether it's with the girls or Chopper. He has seen him shaking before getting into the sickbay. He has seen Sanji sighing deeply, trying to calm himself down minutes prior. He has noticed him being a bit too emotionally exhausted after doing it. Usopp knows exactly what fear feels like, so he knows Sanji is scared.

So when nobody else is free to help him, Usopp asks. He knows he won't let the others do it (for obvious reasons) and he's tired of hearing Sanji complain and also feels a bit sad and guilty seeing him like that. The whole thing about Usopp being all dramatic and theatrical about it is so perfect for them. Usopp acts silly to distract him and Sanji used to think those things were stupid and for kids. But-- There's just something about Usopp here.

He's doing this act for him. Because he knows he's scared and he cares and he's being oh so gently with him. Besides, he's so close to him, too. Sanji starts to wonder if he has ever been so close to him before and why the hell he looks so pretty now. Not even with the girls and Chopper he gets so distracted. So much that the whole thing happens quickly. Painless. And it's so damn dumb that Sanji can't help but laugh.

So between Sanji's laugh being the only noise around and startling Usopp with a new feeling inside of him, and Sanji realizing he has never been more comfortable and happy around another person... A new relationship blossoms. So I guess Sanji will be the one asking Usopp for help with his T-shot more frequently now.

[meowmeowriley]

Don’t mind me while I scream incoherently about the latest chapter of WsDB because holy shit was it good!!!

Ghost is the biggest shit ever and I love that for him (he deserves those strawberry’s).

all the gifts from his family the skull jumper were really well thought out (Soaps gonna lose his shit when he finds out Ghost’s part Scottish) The Akubra!!!! and the Skull omfg the sweet and twisted fluffy feelings 😭 They’re both in love and neither of the dumb arses realise it yet (I bet everyone else does though)

Poor price though he’s so worried for is anti social son. Ghost: *going out of his way to show affection and share things about himself with the team* Price: *sweating* wondering if he needs to call an ambulance or a priest first

Were Prices photos an 09 reference? How old is that hat?! I forgot you mentioned that Gaz’s girlfriend would be a spider! She must cop so much shit all the time (good on Kyle for not letting anyone add to it) I have a couple questions about her but all ask them later. Soap is so excited about his big family and ghost is about to go “hold my beer”. THE SPIRAL holy shit, like yes Ghost you do need therapy but that’s besides the point, your fucked up feelings are both weirdly sweet and reciprocated. Soap would 100% honour and respect every part of Ghost dead or alive they match each others freak. So your telling me that at the family show and tell Roach brought a photo of him with the rest of the 141 acting like idiots because they’re his family (your paying my physic bills because my heart just broke)

I love how Gaz and Roach are initially shocked by Ghost being trans but after it wears off they don’t actually care (meanwhile soap is in the background trying to do math) it’s just a thing like the sky is blue, the earth is round and Ghost is trans. The bigger shock is the whole rabbit situation, I can’t wait till soap finds out exactly what type of rabbit Ghost is. (Especially after what he just said lol) and Ghost’s last words for the chapter amounting to “I wouldn’t betray your trust but I have and will continue to fuck with you.

Sorry it's taken me a while to get back to this, but I wanted to give people a change to read it since this is a bit spoilery for chapter 3. ❤ Hopefully its been enough time, let's dive in!

Ghost being a little shit is one of my favorite parts of this fic, he deserves to be a menace.

Soap and his Akubra have been rotting my brain since it was first mentioned, and it will come up again. The man looks damn good in that hat.

Soap giving Ghost a fucking rabbit skull of all things, he's trying so hard to get into Ghost's good graces, and had no clue at the time how fucked up that action was 😂 next chapter will have our first taste of Soap's POV and his realization of the implications of his actions.

Price watching Ghost come out of his shell like 😰 lol the poor guy, he's never seen Ghost act like this and he's worried the man is losing it.

So Price's photos were a bit of a personal headcanon of mine, because Modern Warfare's Price isn't the first, only Price in the Call of Duty games. There was a Captain Price in Call of Duty and Call of Duty 2, who looks similar but his accent is way thicker and the timeline is set in WW2. There's also mention of a Johnathan Price in COD Black Ops. It's never explicitly stated (to my knowledge) that that man is one and the same as our Captain from MW. Anyway, I like to believe that the Price family has been sending their boys off to be Captains for generations.

Please ask about Gaz's spider GF, I love her, and want to talk about her!

Roach's family photos was fun and sad to write. Basically, by joining the military he severed ties with his old gang, who were all he had. So the 141 means everything to him. This will be important later. 😈

Ghost: I'm trans

Everyone: huh, okay, didn't know that. Woulda never guessed.

Ghost: also I'm a rabbit

Everyone: minds blown, chaos, worldview shattered

And lastly, as much as Ghost is fucking with and going to continue fucking with Soap, trust that I have all kinds of mental and emotional fuckery planned for you lot, my lovely readers. 😘

[pardonmydelays]

what do you love the most about twenty one pilots?

i fucking love this question, but there's no easy answer to it. i guess i'm gonna have to try tho, because sometimes i feel like maybe some of you don't really understand WHY i totally changed my entire blog when clancy came out (it's kinda like me loving this band was my biggest secret for such a long time, idk. i still remember how a few months before it i've mentioned something and anix literally yelled at me like "WHY THE FUCK YOU NEVER TOLD ME YOU LIKE TWENTY ONE PILOTS" lmao. anyway).

first of all, no one has ever made me feel so seen and understood. there's real magic in tyler joseph's lyrics, you might hate me for what i'm about to say right now, but speaking of tortured poets - for me it's not taylor, it's tyler. and the scariest part of it all is that i very often relate to his lyrics. but that's also beautiful - it's therapeutic in a way. so when clancy came out and i realized i relate to pretty much EVERY song on this record, i just thought to myself, oh lord, how did i survive this long without their music. it's always been them for me. i will never abandon them again, i swear.

second thing, the lore. you all know i'm a slut for stories told through music (*cough* musical theatre *cough*). also, if the plot of the story is complex and weird as fuck, there's a pretty big chance it will become my favourite thing in the world. the entire lore is an insane metaphor for mental health struggles so, obviously, i can find a part of myself in it. i would die for their lore, honestly. it's all i can think about. and clancy will always be my fucking blorbo.

another thing i love a lot about them, and it's something you don't really see if you don't watch their interviews or live performances, they are literally just two dudes. both josh and tyler have always been very anxious and awkward and weird and that's what makes them more human in my opinion - just two fucking idiots who are best friends, lmao. they are so relatable in every possible way. they are also the funniest dudes in the entire world. and their friendship is so fucking beautiful. the only difference between us and them, truly, is that they are extremely talented and they have their own band.

also, they care about the clique so fucking much, this was probably mentioned on my blog before (maybe even today in a previous ask). they don't care about the charts, about awards, about anything really, all they care about is their music and fans. they don't do it to be the best band in the world. they do it to save lives - our lives as much as their own (if it wasn't for this music i don't know how i would have fought this). and that's what makes them different and honestly, better than the other artists.

they are also pretty much unproblematic. i wasn't really sure if i should mention that, but i feel like i need to. tyler joseph made one stupid mistake a few years ago - the way people reacted to this still breaks my fucking heart. he realized he was wrong tho, he apologized. the other day i saw a post here on tumblr about how he's fucking problematic and racist and the worst man on the planet etc etc. can we... fucking stop, please. it was just a stupid joke and he knows it was dumb and unnecessary. most people wouldn't even apologize, but he did. end of story. i will defend him with my life (not saying he is perfect, but shit, if you want to cancel him for one mistake maybe you should look at yourself first).

i feel like there are thousand different reasons but i'm just gonna stop here, because it's too fucking long already and no one will read it anyway.

[weirdmageddon]

long mediation on jade and dave’s relationship - part 2

part 1 is here

this part is essentially about dave and jade’s personalities, their basic dynamic, and how it works. and addressing some things ive seen said about dave in moments that people remove from context because they dont weigh these contexts and prior ones. if you want a post that goes into dave’s attitude towards jade (conclusion: he cares about her a lot) here it is

part 2: switcheroo + misconceptions about dave's role in dave and jade's relationship

something interesting i realized while writing this is the thing about grimbark jade is that she is no nonsense when her normal self is all about nonsense and entertaining silly things because she can see the merit in them. in fact she is always having a chuckle caused by dave's sense of humor and im sure dave got used to interacting with jade like that so wtf with grimbark jade

EB: so i think i have to get TG to use his copy to save her! EB: but that jackass won't shut up and stop rapping and stuff. GG: hahaha GG: he is so silly! (p.293)

TG: snows a big chilly carpet of nobody gives a shit TG: like old man winter spread around his nasty mayonnaise and turned the landscape into his personal asshole sandwich GG: eww dave no TG: when i look around all i see is the miles of unharnessed snowmen im just too damn cool to build GG: no this is so lame GG: i am hearing an insane and stupid guy say stupid idiot things while wearing dumb sunglasses for lame morons! TG: whoa jade with the fucking haymaker TG: i need to go look for my teeth on the canvas as soon as shit stops spinning and there stops being like ten of you GG: heheheh GG: why dont we play in the snow later (p.3024)

GG: i cant get over how tiny this thing is! GG: its so cute GG: so the baby frogs show up on this pad here? GA: Yes GG: i cant wait to try it GA: What Are You Laughing At There GG: oh GG: lol GG: dave just has a lot of funny stuff to say about all this GA: What Is He Saying GG: oh you know, a bunch of silly stuff GG: theres too much to copy/paste! GA: Hmm GG: here ill save it all to a file and send it to you -- gardenGnostic [GG] sent grimAuxiliatrix [GA] the file "daveisafunnyguy.txt" -- GA: Okay Im Laughing Pretty Hard At All That GG: hahaha (p.3312)

JADE: *snicker* JOHN: what? JADE: nothing JOHN: is someone messaging you through the game? JADE: hehe JOHN: who is it? JADE: pffff! JOHN: dammit, jade... JADE: its davesprite, hes playing too JOHN: oh. JOHN: don't tell him any of our strategies. he is the enemy! JADE: we have strategies? JOHN: um... JOHN: ok, first, tell him we have strategies. then, don't tell him them. JADE: hahahahahahaha JOHN: oh god. JOHN: what is it now? JADE: did you know... JADE: davesprite is a funny guy? JOHN: meh, he's alright i guess. JOHN: i give most of his jokes a passing grade. sometimes as high as a solid b+! JADE: i just told him you said that JADE: davesprite says to tell you "youre basically welcome for being born 14 years ago and 1 year ago you ungrateful douche" JOHN: oh, like him taking credit for my existence isn't so old by now! (p.4732)

in a way i feel like their roles parallel dave and jade in the earlier acts from homestuck, but inverted (and twisted/not as nice cause grimbark jade is under nefarious influences)

dave approaches the world from a highly pragmatic position. his ego (in the purely psychoanalytical sense) that he holds himself to, shows to the world, and what he tends to reason through is one that’s about relaxed competence. he’s critical of unreasonable actions and takes it upon himself to guide others into being more efficient in practical, realistic ways. he sees that jade struggles in these initially but she readily accepts his help, which is more than glad to provide.

this doesn’t say anything bad about jade harley. this doesn’t make her stupid, or in need the saving from a knight in shining armor nor does it make dave condescending towards her. it’s information that he is able to provide and that she appreciates and trusts his assistance with while she sees through the things that she prioritizes like helping others with matters of hidden opportunities / the big picture and interpersonal needs which are completely out of dave’s league, something he highly respects but doesnt feel its his greatest asset towards other people like jade does. jade is very into science and gadgetry, but remember that she relies heavily on her sharp intuition rather than straight up pragmatism like dave would. jade really is exceptional and multitalented but she doesn’t know how she does the things she does half the time!

(p.790)

even though dave acknowledges this it doesn’t really bother him

TG: hey TG: oh TG: youre asleep again arent you TG: or do you even know if you are TG: i still dont know how that works TG: its like nothing means anything TG: its so cool getting hella chumped by your coquettish damn riddles all the time TG: i dont know why i believe anything you say im like the grand marshal of gross chumpage (p.829)

GG: i want to tell him happy birthday and ask him about his birthday package! TG: oh yeah TG: i was being sort of cagey and told him to check the mail cause i was wondering if mine came yet GG: i think it did! TG: yeah? GG: and i think mine came too TG: so uh TG: i guess you want to know if he likes it or something? GG: no!!!!!!! GG: he will not open it GG: he will lose it!!! TG: oh TG: uh TG: wow sorry to hear that i guess? GG: no its good actually! GG: because he will find it again later when he really needs it GG: which of course is why i sent it in the first place! TG: see like TG: i never get how you know these things GG: i dont know GG: i just know that i know! TG: hmm alright (p.382)

TT: Jade is connected with you? TT: Where did she get the discs? TG: i dont know how does she do any of the loopy batshit nonsense she does (p.1401)

but because she’s gotten by on intuition and her dreams for most things, she’s not as adapted to the rationale behind actions. dave can sense her struggling and wants to help because it’s basically his mission for everyone, not just jade. but that’s the information that jade is glad to be led by and continues to unconsciously prompt him with. she encourages his practical ways and doesn’t tell him to fuck off or just straight up ignore his advice which dave interprets as his strengths being needed by someone else

GG: dave! GG: are you busy? GG: i dont have much time! GG: i am about to make my entry item, and its a little confusing GG: i think the more players we add, the trickier they are to... um...... GG: activate! GG: like yours was GG: i figured we could brainstorm about it, while john fusses with the kernel GG: helloooooo? TG: nak nak nak GG: :o (p.2907)

TG: yeah honestly i figured wed have to do something like this TG: so i guess here we are doing it GG: doing what?? TG: well youre my server player remember GG: yes TG: i need you to deploy something first TG: in my apartment TG: in a few hours ill go back there and we can continue this GG: oh jeez, a few hours???? -- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering gardenGnostic [GG] -- -- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering gardenGnostic [GG] -- TG: yeah TG: as in a few seconds TG: im back at my place now GG: fastest hours :o TG: yeah TG: now TG: deploy the intellibeam laserstation GG: but that costs so much grist!!! TG: no it costs practically nothing TG: check out how much ive got GG: omg... GG: what does this thing do? TG: its mostly pretty stupid and useless TG: but itll come in handy here TG: it reads captcha codes GG: on the back of cards? TG: yeah GG: but GG: we can already read those! TG: some are too garbled and complicated TG: the human eye cant decipher them TG: needs sophisticated scanning technology TG: and artificial intelligence to figure it out GG: hmm GG: but isnt the whole point of captchas that only humans can read them? GG: and not robots??? TG: yeah well TG: thats why this is so dumb (p.3025 / 3026)

TG: thisll be the disc i use for your connection TG: while the original will stay bound to roses connection GG: so you will be the server for BOTH us ladies??? GG: you just keep getting smoother, i cant handle all this smoothness TG: well technically TG: i will be your server TG: and past me will stay as roses server TG: which is to say present me will TG: the one in the black suit GG: ohh... GG: i guess that makes sense TG: he can keep managing her for a while TG: until she sorta checks out soon and becomes totally useless TG: then he can start hopping around time like i did TG: make a ton of money and stuff TG: eventually become me TG: and become your server player GG: ok i think i understand that! TG: yeah see its not hard to get the hang of TG: in the meantime ill kind of loiter around this timeframe to help you out for a while GG: yessss thanks dave <3

TG: im just going to cut right to the chase and upgrade your alchemiter so you can avoid a lot of bullshit TG: ill give you some codes and you can punch cards and slip em into jumper blocks GG: yaaaaaaaaaaaay! (p.3030 - 3032)

jade has strengths that dave has weaknesses in too, which dave himself points out!!!

TG: ok so TG: the egg is now in a nest made of shitty swords and soft puppet ass TG: please advise GG: i think your sprite wants to hatch it! GG: awww TG: do you think thatll take more than four hours GG: hmm... GG: i dont know it looks like its pretty warm where you are TG: its hot as the sizzle side of the steak GG: maybe not too long then???? GG: i guess we'll find out! TG: maybe i should try to get it back TG: and put it in the microwave GG: :( (p.1507)

dave assumed the egg needed to be heated to break and allow him to enter the game, so his course of action is to go up there and get it himself and use whatever means are at his disposal. that is a logical, straightforward thing to do. he doesnt rely on uncertainty and blind trust that things will just work out when he has the ability to take action in a way that makes sense; that’s jade’s thing. but it turns out jade’s intuition for how to solve dave’s entry puzzle was right! it was actually a test of patience. he later says this to jade

GG: you guys are all so much better than me, i feel sooooo lame TG: we all start out somewhere TG: remember how i was scrambling up that tower to get that egg like an idiot TG: what the hell was i doing TG: i was like goddamn pooh bear in a tree reaching up his fat fuckin pooh paw for some mother fuckin honey GG: heehee TG: so even though im awesome now at one point i was plausibly likened to an autistic stuffed animal TG: and you even knew what to do TG: you told me how it worked all christopher robinning my ignorant ass about that egg TG: but i was all like IM A LITTLE BLACK RAIN CLOUD BITCH WATCH ME CLIMB TG: so maybe youre startin out with more sense than me GG: maaaybe GG: :) (p.3025)

hes pretty much like jade's hypeman but in his own sort of lowkey way and is actually sweetly reassuring to her. this includes davesprite btw

GG: those stupid things are impossible to kill :( TG: no you can kill them TG: youll get better dont worry (p.3024)

GG: hmmmm... GG: i dont know if i get that but ok! TG: well yeah TG: my thing is time yours is space TG: pretty different things TG: you GET things about space i dont TG: or you will GG: i will? TG: yup (p.3024)

DAVESPRITE: as a sprite im supposed to help him with his quest JADESPRITE: oh yeah JADESPRITE: im supposed to help jade too, but...... JADESPRITE: *sniffle* DAVESPRITE: shes doing alright dont worry about it JADESPRITE: ok, ill try... JADESPRITE: shes a lot more brave than me i think JADESPRITE: she brought me back thinking i could help her and all i did was disappoint her and everyone else JADESPRITE: you came back as a sprite and youre managing to do important things... JADESPRITE: but i just feel so scared and helpless DAVESPRITE: sounds like you came back because jade made the decision for you DAVESPRITE: i made the decision to come back myself maybe itd be different if you had the same chance JADESPRITE: i dont know if i would have if i had the chance JADESPRITE: but i would like to not feel so useless to everybody DAVESPRITE: i think everyones on top of this DAVESPRITE: theres not much for us to do anymore (p.3927)

DAVESPRITE: so jade must have done something right DAVESPRITE: to wake her up and get the forge going DAVESPRITE: dont know what she did though JADESPRITE: probably something amazing JADESPRITE: she is still working so hard to help everyone JADESPRITE: i guess i used to be that way... JADESPRITE: but ive completely forgotten how DAVESPRITE: are you sure (p.3945)

JADESPRITE: it reminds me of when i died JADESPRITE: and i was trying to wake john up JADESPRITE: i was scared then too JADESPRITE: but i didnt let the fear stop me from trying to save him DAVESPRITE: what would you want to do DAVESPRITE: if you werent scared JADESPRITE: i have no idea JADESPRITE: i guess try to help JADESPRITE: what is there to do? DAVESPRITE: well DAVESPRITE: i was going to bring this sword to dave JADESPRITE: oh noo JADESPRITE: does that mean youre going to leave? DAVESPRITE: no DAVESPRITE: i was gonna say DAVESPRITE: im not in any shape for more adventuring DAVESPRITE: i figure this is probably my last stop JADESPRITE: :( DAVESPRITE: but maybe this is a way you can help JADESPRITE: you mean... JADESPRITE: that i should give him the sword? DAVESPRITE: if you want JADESPRITE: but i dont want to leave you here either DAVESPRITE: maybe you dont have to actually go anywhere DAVESPRITE: you oughta have a lot of special powers remember DAVESPRITE: because of ascending to doghood JADESPRITE: oh yeah! DAVESPRITE: try doing your spacey thing DAVESPRITE: i mean not to sound condescending or anything but its got to be like borderline omnipotence pretty much DAVESPRITE: just put your mind to it (p.3946)

knowing all of this about dave and jade’s personalities and how they work together, i’ve see people get on dave’s case about making jade slap herself in the face after she put the dead bird into his kernelsprite while he was preoccupied with taking a leak

dave freaks the hell out when he realizes she’s asleep; he needs to wake her up because she needs to help him get into the game while requires pragmatism and reasonable actions so that he’s not crushed to death by an imminent meteor. or falling plumbing fixtures. the goal wasn’t to show her who’s in control or whatever or to be mean (do people seriously think he would do that to be mean to her just to slap a girl?) it was strictly to wake her up since he has no means of influencing that besides getting creative

while asleep, jade doesn’t think logically and certainty not to the extent dave needs her to be right now. she’s scattered lalalalala and can forget about limitations or consequences in the real world and also has a short memory span while dreaming: e.g. “4 hours until what?” and she put something into the kernelsprite right after dave asked her not to because she forgor </3 and jade does acknowledge this about her dreaming self btw

GG: i mean, i only talked to you when i was asleep! i am kind of different when im dreaming... GG: i forget things, and at times im not totally sure whats real GG: dont you remember thats what its like to dream on prospit? (p.3056)

dave literally says “we need to wake you up youre not very logical like this” and he does apologize about making her dreambot wake-up slap her

i also see people say that dave thought of jade as helpless and he needs to be the hero and that's why "davejade is not good actually"

TG: but ok i mean isnt that what heroes should be doing TG: working to take down the bad guy without a whole lot of this fuckin grandiloquence and these huge sweeping plans that got nothin to do with fighting him TG: like always biding our time and tiptoeing around the unbeatable god boss TG: johns too nice to get mad TG: rose spends all her time calculating TG: too focused on machiavellian ploys of sabotage to try anything drastic TG: jade is TG: i dont even know TG: probably more a liability if she got it in her head to take him down TG: if anything id bet she just needs protection GC: WH4T 4R3 YOU S4Y1NG H3R3 D4V3, 1N TH1S CONV3RS4T1ON TH4T 1S ST1LL B31NG 4BOUT YOU TG: im just wondering TG: when does someone actually step up TG: jacks got shit to pay for (p.3703)

this minor thread gets followed up on in the pesterlog where jade contacts dave and eventually she concludes jack needs to be stopped and dave's like ... "oh shit" in his head. "oh shit" as in jade's got Game good for her go jade, "oh shit" as in she's going to be ripe for the stabbing cause the idea is in her head now, and "oh shit" as in this moment is the seed of why im going to have to rehearse jade accidentally killing me over and over and i cant tell her about it. due to this he is always fated to die in the alpha timeline both standing up to jack and to protect jade. it's woven into his story. but he was wrong about everyone else also! which i dont see brought up when that quote is used? rose does something drastic (pilots the moon into the furthest ring) and john gets mad (on the ship) and jade is the opposite of needing protection (she’s the only one jack won’t stab and also she ends up so fucking OP she has to be basically written out of act 6) so it's less a thing about jade specifically but to show that in hindsight dave was wrong about ALL his friends. which is an interesting discussion to be had about him in itself, but not now. this is the most sane and well-thought out interpretation of it ive seen

"In general, though, I think Dave has a tendency not uncommon to [thirteen] year olds (or… humans in general, if we’re being honest here) to cast everyone else as a player in his own story and characterize them in ways that fit what he wants. There’s the famous chunk where he says John never gets angry, Rose will never stop scheming long enough to take action, and Jade’s a liability, only to be proven wrong in every count. That fits his understanding of these people and his ideal relationship with them - friend, actor, protector, the one in the group who can be the hero." "Yes, I think Dave probably saw Jade as the most supportive and least judgmental friend. I’m not sure if that impacted his incorrect judgment of her since that’s kind of a pattern for him in general, but I guess it could’ve."

and also putting this solely on dave is kind of ... ehhhhh? because john says the same thing about jade but i don't see anyone getting on his case for it.

CG: SHE AND DAVE RAN INTO JACK, WHICH I'M SURE HE MUST HAVE SAW COMING BECAUSE I'VE NEVER SEEN ANYONE EXPLOIT TIME TRAVEL SO SHAMELESSLY AS HIM, NOT EVEN ARADIA. CG: SO SHE AND DAVE FOUGHT WITH HIM A WHILE, AND LONG STORY SHORT, HE DIED. EB: what!!! CG: BUT IT'S FINE, I GUESS THAT WAS HIS PLAN, LIKE SOME BIZARRE USELESS LAST STAND, EVEN IF HE DIDN'T TELL JADE WHO WAS PRETTY FREAKED OUT UNTIL I TALKED HER THROUGH IT. CG: JADE SAYS SHE HAS THIS FIGURED OUT, AND I DON'T HAVE TIME TO DO MUCH BUT TRUST HER. CG: THE POINT IS, SHE'S ALL BOOKED UP, AND ALL TOO MORTAL. SO SHE WON'T BE DELIVERING THE BOMB, AND NEITHER WILL YOU. EB: ok, well what about this. EB: since she is mortal, and i am not (sort of), and i don't need to do the scratch for a while, can i go help her? EB: maybe she could use some protection? maybe that is what dave was just trying to do, when he temporarily died. EB: remember, jack is still on the loose! he has killed rose and dave once, and me twice. CG: NO NO NO NO NO NO. CG: SWEET BLEEDING JEGUS, EGBERT, YOU KEEP BRAGGING ABOUT YOUR IMMORTALITY, AND THEN BRAINLESSLY ANNOUNCE PLANS TO GO OFF AND DO SOMETHING HEROIC! YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE THE SHORTEST LIFESPAN OF ANY IMMORTAL IN HISTORY. EB: sorry. :( CG: BESIDES, IT'S A TOTAL NON ISSUE. JACK WOULDN'T HESITATE TO STAB YOU AGAIN, BUT HE WON'T HURT JADE FOR SOME REASON. CG: IF ANYTHING, YOU COULD USE HER PROTECTION. (p.3869 / 3871)

and also keep in mind dave does absolutely change his perception about jade's strength??

DAVE: youll probably annihilate me worse than my bro used to DAVE: dont you have all of your dogs insane powers and like DAVE: god tier space powers on top of all that DAVE: how exactly am i supposed to compete with that (p.6384)

DAVE: gotta keep em napping DAVE: especially jade im sure you know what kind of crooked ass baloneyfuck powers she got DAVE: cant let her turn those against us (p.7485)

so back to grimbark jade and the switching of these roles, dave doesn’t entirely lose his pragmatic bent. that’s still the way he thinks about stuff through but his time on the meteor has softened him and allowed him to become more reflective on big-picture things such as his role in everything

ironically this is the exact reason for his clash with grimbark jade is because she’s trying really hard to make him do stuff and it’s stuff that he’s not going to budge on because he doesn’t think it’s practical

JADE: why not? JADE: our empress can hardly have a knight with such rusty combat skills in her service DAVE: will you cut it out with the evil jade baloney DAVE: im not going to fight you DAVE: my rooftop dueling days are OVER JADE: en garde! DAVE: ugh DAVE: even if we just went balls out jackass BANANAS with our swords here i mean realistically how much appreciable advancement in my battle skills would even result from that DAVE: are you actually thinking this through or just going through the vaguely nefarious motions that come with the territory of being evildog!jade JADE: im gonna go through the vaguely nefarious motions of kicking your ass in a minute if you dont put up your dukes!!! DAVE: yeah you probably will DAVE: youll probably annihilate me worse than my bro used to DAVE: dont you have all of your dogs insane powers and like DAVE: god tier space powers on top of all that DAVE: how exactly am i supposed to compete with that JADE: by using your time trickery! JADE: come on dave do your timey thing JADE: get creative, make lots of copies of yourself or something... outsmart me! DAVE: no! JADE: yes!!! DAVE: ok here i go JADE: !!!!! DAVE: wait DAVE: nah JADE: grrr JADE: dave, just try a little time travel to get this fight started JADE: see look, one of your time doubles is surely predestined to come from a few minutes in the future and appear behind me for a surprise attack, riiiight about... JADE: now! JADE: ... JADE: no wait JADE: riiiiiiiiiight... JADE: ... JADE: ... JADE: NOW! JADE: .... JADE: ..... JADE: dave why is your future self being such a wet blanket DAVE: i told you DAVE: im not time traveling DAVE: i think im giving it up for good actually (p.6384)

one thing floral mentions in her post is that dave is pushing jade for answers about her failed relationship with davesprite

DAVE: why are you dragging that guy into this DAVE: what happened with you and him anyway JADE: none of your business >:p DAVE: it kind of is DAVE: hes bird me DAVE: that clearly means i have a right to know JADE: that doesnt make any sense! DAVE: you said he had issues DAVE: what issues JADE: augh! JADE: forget i mentioned it DAVE: was he talking shit about me the whole time or something DAVE: i know he resents me for being the real dave JADE: dont say that, you arent the real dave! JADE: well you are, but phrasing it like that is so mean! JADE: hes just as real as you, and when you imply he isnt you sound like a jerk!!! DAVE: man i knew it DAVE: i knew he was poisoning your view of me all those years DAVE: and i wasnt there to say anything or defend against his slander so now of course you think im a neurotic douche (p.6386)

and while it is true nobody is obligated to share the details of their relationship, there is a LOT of evidence to believe dave was asking because he wants to be a good person and, to me his words here, and his past and future actions relative to this point, show that he’s not as messed up of a person as grimbark jade is making him out to be. let’s dive into it. think on this: why does dave care so much what jade thinks about him? he started getting “neurotic” halfway through the conversation once jade brought up her feelings about him

JADE: THE ONLY REASON I THINK YOURE A NEUROTIC DOUCHE IS BECAUSE YOURE ACTING LIKE ONE NOW!!! DAVE: yeah but i only started acting like a neurotic douche like half way through this conversation DAVE: you clearly had an axe to grind with me from the start and i want to know why DAVE: what did i ever do to deserve this shit from you JADE: YOU BROKE MY HEART!!!!!! DAVE: what DAVE: i did DAVE: when (p.6386)

he’s genuinely so lost because he hadn’t had contact with any extension of jade in 3 years. alpha timeline dave has been sensitive towards jade for basically forever and especially now that he’s had time to grow up. he is not going to allow any version of himself hurt jade, and thats why hes asking so many questions to her about the nature of the relationship and what happened

JADE: ok not you JADE: davesprite did JADE: BUT YOURE BASICALLY THE SAME GUY! DAVE: whoa no way DAVE: thats such an unfair characterization we are completely different dudes JADE: you just said you had a right to know what happened between us because, and i quote, "hes bird me" DAVE: no i know DAVE: i was playing the "hes bird me" card because it was convenient to whatever it was i was saying at the time DAVE: i forget what point i was making when i said that JADE: *growl* DAVE: but thats not the point im making now DAVE: he and me are just DAVE: crazy different yo DAVE: hes got fuckin wings!!! DAVE: he also presumably takes a dump and lays eggs out of the same ghostly hole DAVE: ... DAVE: ew man whyd i have to go there JADE: *SNARL* DAVE: ok if he broke up with you or whatever that was because of his dumb bird issues not my issues DAVE: theres no way i would have done that to you (p.6386)

what dave means to say by “hes bird me because it was convenient to say at the time but it doesnt apply to this circumstance” is exactly what i was getting at in part 1 of this series of posts. yes, they are the same people at their very foundation, different reflections of a single character, but up to a point. there’s a gray area of whether or not we can call dave and davesprite the same person. in terms of this conflict though, dave should be regarded as a separate individual because of their diverging history up to that point and adolescent-teenage growth in different environments and under different circumstances. even if dave doesn't know what hes trying to say

he wants to know what this alternate version of himself did to hurt jade so much. even if grimbark jade really is bringing dave into some shit he had nothing to do with.

see the thing is, to me dave could have easily handled being accused a lot worse and say something like “youre overreacting” or something. that wouldve been dickish. but he doesn’t, he never does. he really seems to be more motivated by like, “woah what?? whats his problem? are these about issues i still have and dont know they were hurting jade or are they uniquely davesprite’s?”

like, this isn’t a joke to him even if his main form of communication through humor to lighten the mood (jade loves dave’s silliness dont forget all the times she’s giggled because dave was “so silly” and “hes a funny guy”). immediately after rescuing the mayor from eviljade’s lava kick, he was going to give davesprite a piece of his mind and this shows he is sincerely concerned about what an alternate version of himself did to break jade’s heart. he REALLY fuckin wants closure on it because he cares about her feelings so much

i don’t see this other side covered in floral’s post, but evildog jade here is Also pushing dave to do something that he is uncomfortable with as well, which is to use time travel.

dave stopped time traveling so he wouldn’t “have to wonder all the time if i was taking a wrong turn and dooming everybody”, stating he was “never that cool with it” to rose back in act 5. around the same time when karkat talks to john, he says “TO MY KNOWLEDGE, HE DOESN'T TIME TRAVEL AFTER [FIGHTING JACK WITH JADE], AND HE AND ROSE STAY ON DERSE WAITING FOR THE BOMB UNTIL YOU START THE SCRATCH” which honestly makes me think that whole event was the nail in the coffin for dave on time traveling. seeing himself die fighting jack and knowing it was coming and he couldnt tell jade no matter how much he wanted to that her bullets were going to be the cause. this is the last straw for him regarding time traveling it affected him that much

remember the last lines of pesterlog jade had with dave before being separated? i mentioned it earlier--the one where jade decided jack needs to be stopped and they should “come up with a better plan than Rose’s suicide mission to stop him. Dave suggests the idea is futile, but lets her know she’d come to her own decision regardless, and he’d be available to talk later if needed” (from recap 3)

GG: well maybe im just being naive... GG: but a crazy suicide mission does not sound like the ideal solution to me! GG: are you suuuure we cant beat him? GG: i dont know if we should rule it out! TG: well TG: youre about to do what youre about to do TG: and im not going to tell you not to TG: i wont do the bullshit troll thing and tell you what youre going to do and then just dare you not to TG: while knowing damn well you will anyway TG: so ill just say TG: whats next is up to you TG: and if later you want to talk about it TG: im here GG: ok GG: thanks dave! (p.3204)

this was dave’s nice causality-free way of saying “youre going to end up killing me during the jack fight that winds up happening. i cant tell you that im going to die and that youre going to be the one to shoot me, because i know you wouldnt go through with it. that would drag us in a doomed timeline and we’d all die anyway, not just me. youre probably going to be freaked out when it happens since i can’t tell you this, so if you want to talk me about it later, ill be here for you”

which, first of all is, holy shit. he cares about her and her feelings so fucking much. and it’s nothing new

TT: What about why you went to fight Jack? TG: sure TG: i did that TG: because i wanted to TG: and because i was supposed to TT: Are you sure? TG: yeah i saw my future self fighting him so obviously that had to happen or else id be dead anyway TG: without even getting the satisfaction of standing up to him TT: So what about Jade? TG: what TT: You didn't tell her your expedition with her would result in your death, let alone one she'd inadvertently cause. TT: Or that she'd be stuck with the job of resuscitating you. Did you? TG: what am i really supposed to say TG: hey were gonna hunt frogs til you shoot me through the jack TG: then i die and youve got to make out with me TG: that kind of changes how the whole thing goes doesnt it TT: Not if you're "supposed to," right? TG: what does that even mean TT: I guess you're right. No reason to make an effort to empathize if doing so comes at the price of oblivion. TG: wtf TT: It must be comforting to have your ASPD tacitly supported by predestination. TG: aspd TT: Antisocial personality disorder. TG: oh no TG: this conversation just got bumrushed by a mudslide of fucking awful TT: It wasn't already awful, believing you might be dead? TG: you dont know anything TG: about what i was feeling or what happened on lofaf TG: you were all pavement faced and babbling your throefester speak and flipping off the shit with your own crazy deathwish thing why do you think you know what was going through my head TG: youre just assuming and throwing around psyche buzzwords like aspd complex disorder TG: im telling you if i said anything at all about it she probably doesnt even fire her gun once and all im doing is dragging her into a doomed timeline with me TT: I guess I'm learning to be impressed by your sense of obligation to inevitable misfortune. It's a strange case of inspiration through futility. TG: none of this is that big a deal TG: i just mentioned the basics to her TG: that id stop time traveling soon TG: break out of the loops TG: not have to wonder all the time if i was taking a wrong turn and dooming everybody TG: i was never that cool with this (p.3896)

dave got suddenly super fucking defensive about rose making assumptions about how he felt about fighting jack and knowing jade was going to inadvertently kill him, knowing damn well how jade reacts to seeing corpses (remember that time dave threw his slain body out the window so jade wouldnt see it because “it would probably freak her out”), and the fact that he couldn’t warn her to protect the alpha timeline and also protect both of them and everyone from falling into a doomed timeline. and he knew it was coming the whole time. he was right, rose didn’t know what was going through his head. but his defensiveness here means he had strong feelings about it. not only that but dave saying “whats next is up to you, and if later you want to talk about it, im here” shows the amount of trust he has towards her

we see him tell this to grimbark jade straight up his thought process for why he stopped time traveling. and it’s spot on with what i said. again, remember that this is the first conversation he has with jade after 3 years being separated

DAVE: but see with time travel DAVE: all the stuff about learning it so you dont have to use it is true DAVE: theres no good that can come of it DAVE: you can crunch the logic on the loops all you want DAVE: but all youre doing is painting yourself into a corner DAVE: creating inevitabilities you have to rehearse and enact or face death for yourself or everyone you know DAVE: and sometimes facing death is the very inevitability you have to rehearse DAVE: and then you wait and wait knowing its coming and knowing it has to happen DAVE: how do you think it made me feel when we were gathering up all those frogs DAVE: and i knew the whole time in a little while you would have to watch me get shot DAVE: but i couldnt say anything or it would mess it all up DAVE: all cause i thought it would be cool to be marty mcfuckin fly DAVE: but instead of shredding johnny b goode on guitar to get my parents to bang DAVE: my crowning performance was doing a funny dance while getting pumped full of lead JADE: ...... (p.6385)

and what fucking broke me yesterday was realizing after all this time, ironically it was DAVE who wound up being the one who had to talk to jade about it.

JADE: sorry dave, you lost me there after the part where i shot you DAVE: damn DAVE: ok lemme start over (p.6385)

“damn ok lemme start over” bro he really wants to open up to her about this thing he’s been stewing on for three years only for it to fall on deaf mind controlled ears. it’s so fucking sad

part 3 is cooking and it’s going to be about dave’s character growth post-meteor and what that means for dave and jade

[oogaboogaspookyman]

Lmfao N says fuck fic how original

[SNAP]

"So, N..." Uzi sits down on her Spinny Chair Of Genius™, as she likes to call it, as N sits on a beanbag. "Since i am your new apparent admin, this means i have some form of control over you and V, yeah?"

"I guess?" N shrugs "I mean- i don't know, i'm not the human that made me, i don't know my inner workings..."

He suddenly has a small thought start to grow in his head, and immediately lets it slip out of curiosity. "Wh- what are you trying to do?? Are you gonna look through my settings..?" He scratches his head in a bashful manner, blushy as it's literally some very delicate and probably private stuff.

Uzi grins like the absolute gremlin she is, sharp teeth shining like the blade of a knife, as she fidgets with her fingers at the most chaotic thought she's had so far. Key word being: so far.

"I'm just gonna make a test, nothing harmful~" She giggles. N looks at Uzi with a metaphorical drop of sweat running down his visor as he thinks of the times Cyn giggled back in the mansion. She definetly made giggles way less scary than Uzi's.

Next day...

It started with Uzi's alarm going off. She slaps her own visor, turning it off, and promptly gets up. N seems to be deep in his sleep... Wonder what he's dreaming about? She kinda hopes it's her, but it's not something she'll reveal to any one schmuck at ALL, so thank me later.

i don't want to kill you. i don't want to kill anymore. i need you. don't go. don't leave me. please. i don't want to kill you. the universe is at risk. i can't lose more people in my life. i have to protect the universe. but you are my universe. please. no. don't go. please. i love you. i'm sorry.

XDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDDISASSEMBLYREQUIREDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXD

M1S5 M3? :)

"N!!" He wakes up screaming, startling Uzi who's sitting conviniently really close and in front of him. On top of his lap. Like in those bits in movies where the love interest is uncomfortably close to the main character. Like that. Yeah.

"Hi Uziii...??" N whispers in bashful surprise as she processes the situation. Okay so i'm sitting here right in front of him and he just woke up and sat up really close to my face it's looking like something else is gonna happen and oh my robo-god i am going to fuckin' pass out hhhhh-

"aaaaaooOKAYWEGOTTAGOORELSEWERELATETOTHEFUCKINGSCHOOLSHITAAAA" N yelps Uzi pushes him away by the face in a rush. N gets back up to yell (but like- not angry or anything, more like yelling so she hears him clearly) "Language! Your dad's around, you know?? It's why i say"biscuits" instead, i don't wanna be rude!". It's a long pause of silence as he thinks, realizing... "How can you even swear at all by the way???"

It started with a horrible, terrifying, traumatic, very lore heavy nightmare along with a scare and rush to school. This day is certainly not gonna go all too well and i am here for it he's boutta SNAP lol.

Next it was Lizzy doing her usual popular girl spoiled brat bullshit, and N cannot kill her because murder as a whole is wrong and it's no solution to anything at all. Uzi knows this and it bothers her so much more than i can describe.

Next was the teacher being this smug idiot doing whatever, giving the class a dumb thing to do without caring about anything, only looking through his phone either busy with other work or straight up messing around. Uzi and N are very much bothered by this and Uzi wants to speak up... Which she does. To no avail, as the teacher ran out of fucks to give. N just tolerates and tries to lighten up the mood by being his friendly self (got a dude and a chick head over heels for him and he doesn't realize, thinks they're just extra friendly), but it's mostly very little effect. All because he doesn't wanna be rude. It's gonna get real soon enough though.

Next was the discrimation towards N, as he is a Disassembly Drone and they're pretty scared of him... Well at least it's not ALL of them, some are very much enjoying his presence. Why that is i'll tell you in the dms because i don't think i can say it here lmfao.

Next was the teasing. Yes some drones in the school figured out the whole Nuzi shebang and are now teasing them about it. "Hey purple girl, how's the biting like?", "How does your murder buddy kiss? I'm just curious~", "How's it like living with a small girl like her? Bet she likes it when you pick her up~", "N you are so much better than her, there's that other murderous girl out there that killed Doll's parents, she seems right up your ally!", and it just doesn't stop. Ever. N is genuinely bothered by this, he's very uncomfortable.

Inconvience after inconvience, minor and major, impactful and not, it just doesn't friggin' STOP.

Luckily that's all there is, they're going home! Albeit not very happy but they're going to their comfortable space of a home nonetheless!

But i did say he's gonna snap at some point.

"Uzi, have you seen my glasses? I gotta read something important" Says Khan, not actually needing glasses as he's a robot, he can see just fine, but everyone in Copper 9 is all mimicking humans so Khan doesn't realize that and needs glasses anyway.

"I'm getting them, Mr. Uzi!" N chirps, happy to help like all the time, as he jumps up from his seat and walks around, looking for Khan's glasses. "Thanks, Uzi's very lucky to have you as this potential boyfriend!" Uzi lets out a very UNHOLY screech of embarrassment as she yells "HE'S NOT MY BOYFRIEND". N does sigh at this, but he's too busy looking for Khan's glasses to care.

"Ooh! There you are!" N whips out a pair of glasses from inside... Uzi's wardrobe?? Does she prank him often??? Anywho, he found the glasses!

"I got 'em Mr. Uzi!! I found them in Uzi's wardrobe which is very weird and raises a few questions but i found them nonetheless!!" Khan processes the statement and wheezes as a response.

"What? What's funny??" N is very confused. Khan chuckles as he pats N in the back, "What just happened while i was sleeping was that Uzi just hid them away as a prank of sorts, she's very mischievous!" He's giggling as he explains, and so does N because come on it's funny how could he not?

Oh and N drops the glasses in his giggle fit. Resulting in them breaking upon landing. They stop laughing as they notice this.

N's eye twitches as his hands vibrate.

"N it's okay, i'll just get new ones-" says Khan, immediately interrupted by the next paragraph under this one

"MOTHERFUCKER!!!"

Khan is startled and frozen up in shock. Uzi heard that from the other room and is also shocked. If there were birds in Copper 9 they would fly away in flocks.

"Are you- are you okay-" Khan's interrupted again. "NO I'M NOT OKAY SHIT JUST KEPT HAPPENING AND I'M FUCKING PISSED ABOUT THAT AND BECAUSE I COULDN'T FUCKING DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT. SON OF A BITCH THEY KEPT ON TEASING ME AND BEING WEIRD AROUND ME AND OH MY FUCKING GOD WHY CAN'T I JUST BE TREATED LIKE A NORMAL FUCKING DRONE?!?!?!"

Khan is frozen in shock as Uzi silently giggles to herself from the other room. "It worked! I turned off his filter holy shit it worked eheheheheee!"

"I'M... I'm going outside for a breather, be right fuckin' back" N storms out through the front entrance, as Khan holds a hand out trying to stop him, "it's sunny outside, careful-" but it was too late.

"FUUCK!!" And so N storms right back in, with burns on his casing, "I'm going to Uzi's room then"

"I DID IT!!" Uzi whisper-yells to herself. Somehow.

Twas a very loud and messy day, hope you enjoyed this lmao

[the-words-we-sung]

Thoughts and pictures - S3E2

Here we go for the rewatch of S3E2 (sorry in advance, it might get long ^^')

The new rules at Hillerska are pretty dumb and way too severe. And this phone policy is so stupid: how are these 2 horny boys supposed to survive? :p

So on one hand, online hate is about Simon not being good enough for Wilhelm, and on the other hand, it's about Wilhelm who should not have said anything in his speech because he's betraying the school. Though Wilhelm is not reading the online comments like Simon, and the attacks are less personal and vicious. Seeing Simon read through everything was so painful, I just wanted to go kick the ass of everyone who dared be a bully so this lil' muffin.

Gosh the third years are over the top: "three years here and we get nothing", just because they can't have a proper graduation and all the parties and stupid stuff they wanted to do before graduating? I guess that it's frustrating but compared to the real issues that are being raised about the school, it sounds very very superficial... August is way more reasonable than Vincent about it: the issue is not that they won't have a graduation (even if they don't have the party, they will still graduate high school) but that the school might close, thus sending them all to other schools before the end of the term. Vincent is an idiot.

"Why can't she call me?". Episode 2 and Wilhelm is already heartbroken because of his mother.

Farima doesn't believe Wilhelm about his initiation, look at her face! But it strikes me that her main concern if he did go through this awful initiation is that it would look bad for the Royal Court to keep him here, and not at all about his well being and how traumatizing it would have been!! The adults in this show are the worst... And nobody cares about Wilhelm (except Simon) 💔

"He's such an attention whore". Another ass that needs to be kicked!! How dare they talk about him like that?

Simon keeps being bullied and Wilhelm pressured: if they close the school, it'll be his fault. Why is everyone so mean and terrible to them?

The Felice interview makes me so mad!! And it reminds me of the interaction between August, Simon and Wilhelm back in season 1 when August tells them how nice it is that rowing bring students together, with no regard for their ethnicity, background, etc. Which made Simon super mad too. I love the switch from Felice in the office with her strained smile to her angrily throwing punches during gym class. Excellent cinematic!

Micke and Sara: I'm still so surprised to see him act so well.

This freaking blonde girl from the choir: I hate her 😡 She was the one slut shaming Felice in season 2. Now she's complaining about the point of training for a song if they're not sure they'll be performing. You're annoying and mean. I don't like you 😤

But Simon's face when Wilhelm joins the choir 💜💜

I love this little scene so much: they are just so cute and in love. Like you can feel how much they love each other: they're literally glued together, kissing and then just keeping their faces so so close to each other while talking. It just feels so true to life, when you love someone so much that you just want to stay as close as you can, just touching each other in any way you can, never letting go. Also I just love how Simon loves Wilhelm. How clingy he can be.

So the scene between Nils and August: we know that they were victims of this awful initiation but I'm realizing now that we don't know if they ended up being beaten up and made fun of because they got an erection? I've seen several posts of people discussing that August could be queer because he had a reaction to the porno (which I don't agree with, I don't think that it can be taken as an indicator of someone's sexual orientation). But we don't know if he had a reaction, do we? Or am I misunderstanding/missing something?

Wilhelm is so angry with August. Yeah his reaction in the library can be seen as a little over the top ("don't talk to him!") but I understand his anger. And okay, the way we go from the fight to both of them sitting silently in Boris' office is comedy gold :p I'm almost frustrated that the fight was so short though, I wanted Wilhelm to get some good punches in!! These mediation talks: I'm not sure how I feel about them. On one hand I get that the Court wants them to get along, but on the other, August did something truly awful and traumatizing to Wilhelm. So if he doesn't want to talk to him, to see him or to have anything to do with him anymore, well, it's his right! He shouldn't be forced to interact with him like that. Also I was a bit disappointed by Boris this season: he was so good during season 2 but I find him a bit underwhelming this season...

"I can be your revolution". Please can we get the song again in the last episode? The full version for a happy Wilmon who are a revolution together? Pretty please?

Simon giggling while reading the messages about his video is the cutest thing ever. And it's a tragedy that it was one of the only giggle we got from him this season 😫

Wilhelm is wearing a purple jumper when he listens to Simon's song. It's rare to see him wear purple, isn't it?

Linda still annoys me a bit this season. Like in this scene: no, don't ask your son, who's been betrayed so hard by his sister, to still care about her right now. He's angry at her, and rightfully so (I love love love that they let him be truly angry at her). She should understand that.

Rosh and Stella: yes please, I ship it! (Yeah I don't like Frederika so I'm all for a new potential love interest for Stella :p)

Also after 2 seasons where we regularly saw guys peeing outside, it's the girls' turn!! I don't know why but it made me laugh ^^

The conversation about their summer plans: this scene is so awkward!! And the tent scene that follows is just terrible 😭 Also hear me out: maybe unpopular opinion but I think Simon overreacted. Maybe from his point of view what Wilhelm is gonna do during summer is not working (because it's not the kind of job that him, Ayub and Rosh will have) but it's still working. Taking classes to become Prince/King is not gonna be a walk in the park, it's gonna be work for Wilhelm. It's terrible because I understand where Simon is coming from during their fight: telling Wilhelm that he never had to work to afford anything, that he's so incredibly privileged, it's so hard to be with someone who's from such a higher social status and be easily pissed off when they don't seem to realize it (what do you mean it sounds like I'm talking from experience.. 😅). Side eyeing Wilhelm hard with the shushing though. Don't talk to Simon like that >< (I would have stormed out if I had been Simon!) And yeah throwing the line about the settlement money was not nice (I've seen people being angry about it) but he's mad and got yelled at while he thought he was just trying to relate to and hang out with Simon's friends. So I understand throwing a mean comment there (I would have done the same 😣)

The "is it my fault?" breaks my heart. And so again: the crushing weight on Wilhelm's shoulders... His mother is unwell so he has to be strong, to be ready to take over, and on top of it, he has to keep it to himself.

Gosh season 3 is just things piling up on Wilhelm and Simon. Different things but still crushing them, slowly but surely...

[decks-writing-blog]

Whatever the Fuck Benrey Is: Chapter Twenty-Two: He's Fine

Chapter One

Previous

~

Benrey’s sentience was an accident. That became more and more obvious the further they got into the files until it was outright stated as a shocking development once the scientists noticed their experiment wasn’t quite the mindless blob they thought it was. After the reveal of what he’d been made for, that wasn’t too surprising – who needed or wanted a healing goo dispenser that thought and felt? – but that didn’t make it a fun realization. He was supposed to have been alive the same way a house plant was because that’s basically what he was supposed to have been.

Naturally when Subject X – Benrey couldn’t exactly pretend it wasn’t him anymore, could he? – started showing clear signs of intelligence, furthering testing began, all documented of course. The start of all the poking and prodding that had never seemed odd until Benrey had seen a somewhat similar situation portrayed in a video game with a distinct tone of it being a bad thing.

Shape shifting was the first of its bonus powers to manifest. It was bad at it, barely able to keep any shape as it tried and failed to copy the scientists, much to their delight. Why was it trying to copy them of all people? They sucked. Yeah there was no one else around but still. Benrey had been a dumb kid. Not surprising though considering he wasn’t supposed to have had any intelligence whatsoever.

Gordon, every so often asked how he was doing or if he needed a break. Benrey almost snapped at him about it after the third time but… it was a good sign. For now at least, Gordon still cared enough about him to continue to ask. Whether he cared enough to actually stop if Benrey said he wanted to was impossible to know. He could test it but it’d be too much trouble. The longer they kept going, the sooner they’d be done and then Benrey would see how Gordon felt about him after.

Benrey had deleted the purring video and hadn’t purred anywhere his handlers could see afterwards, meaning there shouldn’t be much on that particular talent of his. Gordon might decide to find out more. Measure the sound frequency of his purring or something like that. Or he might want to know other things Benrey’s old handlers hadn’t been able to figure out or hadn’t thought to test. Would he listen when Benrey told him ‘no, I don’t wanna be studied’? Only time would tell.

As they got deeper and deeper, dipping into late evening, requiring Benrey to switch on the light, they eventually hit things that stirred memories in him. At first just vague things that could’ve easily been explained away as him starting to look for things he remembered apart from the scientists. But then little Subject X started figuring out how to form the parts that made human speech possible. That he actually sort of remembered because he’d felt proud of himself for it after trying so hard for so long.

“Wow,” Gordon said after the first recording featuring him speaking properly, “you sound kinda like how you do now. Not like the exact same but, you know, similar. But I guess I don’t know why I expected you to sound like a normal child because you clearly weren’t one.”

“I was trying to sound like the scientists.” Because back then he’d been too stupid to not know better than to try to impress them. He’d been a dumb, lame, boring kid. If he could go back and talk to his younger self, he’d be tempted to punt it like a football down an elevator shaft. Not to kill it of course – in case it didn’t come back because that power hadn’t manifested yet, he clearly hadn’t started with all his powers after all – it was him after all, but to try to knock some sense into it because it was an idiot.

“Yeah, uh… normal kid stuff, trying to be like your…” Cutting himself off Gordon turned to face him properly. “This whole thing is really fucked up, you know that, right? Like you’re aware they’re not treating you like how you’re supposed to treat young children. Not that I know a whole lot about that kind of thing, I’ve never had a kid or even want one but I know that ain’t it. So like you know that…”

Benrey cut in. “Stop feeling bad for me.” Not when he wanted to study Benrey too, just like the scientists he was claiming were ‘fucked up’ for doing so. Even if he was nicer about it, it still didn’t give him the right to try to tell Benrey how he should feel about his past. “Keep going. There’s a lot left to go through.” There was no way they were going to finish tonight but getting as far as possible was still preferred. Especially if it didn’t leave Gordon any time to stew on it being ‘fucked up’ or whatever and thus decide to be annoying about any of it.

Gordon took a breath, about to say something else, probably stupid, but seemed to think better of it as he let out a sigh instead. He swiveled the chair back around to obey.

With the ability to speak came the the ability to communicate, relay thoughts and feelings. Which was the start of the questions and all the tests. Most of which had to be recorded of course. Did it hear, see, taste, and/or feel differently than humans did? How smart was it exactly? Could they teach it to read, write, and do math? With a basis on such down, could it be left alone with a work sheet or book and be able to teach itself more when commanded to? Would it explain how it changed shapes and colours? What did it feel when it healed after being cut? Did it feel the same when other forms of potential damage, like if someone slapped it, were inflicted on it?

The final question and the bonus question it brought about how its odd body reacted to and healed from various non-cutting damage sources ended up with its own video. A few minutes into it… “I remember this,” Benrey said as he settled into leaning against Gordon’s chair again. This would hopefully be less aggravating to watch than the rest of it had been up until now.

“Didn’t you say you couldn’t feel pain?”

“Nah, never said that. I can uh… prevent it I guess. Healing makes it go away, obviously but it still hurts until its healed. So it hurts for like a second or two and then its better. Except when I turn off feeling where the pain is gonna be or whatever. Don’t know how it works,” another thing Gordon might try to study him to figure out, “but I was bad at it back then ‘cause I was bad at everything.” As they’d clearly already seen, he didn’t come into being with all his powers and stuff fully ready to go or even seemingly there at all. Little him hadn’t even had the idea to phase through anything at this point. It would figure it out relatively soon though because well… Benrey remembered this and what it had led to.

“Dude, that makes this worse. Why are we watching this?”

“’Cause you want to. Went all the way to the old facility hoping for the chance to. But uh… pay attention, it’s ‘bout to get good.”

X was getting fed up with the testing. Pain, even if it lasted only a second or two, wasn’t fun. It had also learned how to make teeth recently, defaulting to sharp because it was an easier shape to make fit together. The final straw came when the scientists decided to see what an electric current running through its body would do to it. Did it cause damage? If so, would it be immediately healed and then done again, creating a damage to healing loop? What did that feel like to X?

The scientists wouldn’t be getting answers to those questions though, not yet anyway, as, as soon as they started, X yanked away, slipping out of the scientist holding its’ grasp. It then jumped – more like slid because, barely humanoid, it was still rather blob like, especially its lower half – off the table. “No more. I’m done.” There wasn’t much emotion in its voice, speaking taking more effort back then meant the tone was more controlled, but Benrey remembered being mad. The experimenting had been going on long enough already and the electricity had hurt more than anything he’d encountered before.

“We’re not done yet.” The scientist bent down to pick X back up. As she reached for it though it lunged forward to bite her hard it as possibly could. Her entire hand and part of her forearm in its mouth, she screamed as she yanked back, dragging X along with her, blood gushing out around its mouth.

Gordon paused the video. “Is this uh… the thing you told me about?”

“Yep. My earliest memory.” At the time of sharing it anyway, now a few earlier ones had been jogged back into his mind.

“Um… if that’s the case, we know how it ends so we should skip it.” He reached for the mouse again but Benrey leaned over him to grab it instead.

“Nah, it’s funny, you’ll see. I’m hurting her ‘cause she deserves it so it’s funny. She quits ‘cause of this, it’s great.” He pressed play on the video and as he pulled back, he grabbed the chair and rolled it a little further away from the desk. Far enough back that Gordon couldn’t reach the mouse without getting up. He would see that he’d been wrong the whole time and that it wasn’t a big deal. Benrey couldn’t be permanently hurt and thus it didn’t matter. And even if he’d still been figuring out how to stop the pain from happening in the first place back then, it still hadn’t lasted long. The damage certainly hadn't. And death was just a brief nothingness, only a little different from dreamless sleep, before waking up to being perfectly okay. So this whole sequence wasn’t a huge issue, neither was anything else they’d done to him. He was fine.

On screen, the scientist – Benrey didn’t recall her name even after Gordon had read it not long ago – collected herself rather quickly. “Let go right fucking now.” At the time Benrey had only heard the projected anger in her voice. Now though, more familiar with emotions and the ways they effected humans’ voices – even if he was still not great at it, he knew better what to listen for now – the quaver in her voice was impossible to miss. She was frightened and in pain; distressed.

X didn’t let go. It was still boiling with the still somewhat new feeling of anger. And the blood tasted good. Not as good as soap but it was a taste Benrey had always enjoyed.

The scientist stood, wincing as X’s weight dangled at the end of her arm. She turned her glare on something past the camera. “Don’t just stand there, get this thing off me.”

There was a scuffle before the scientist manning the camera rushed out to try to pull X off her arm, making her yelp in pain for a moment before reigning herself in. He then set X on the table again to try to pry its jaws off her arm. Futile efforts all around; X was too smooth, soft, and slippery to get a good grip on.

The harder the two of them tried to make it let go, the less X wanted to. Not that there was any visual evidence of that but Benrey remembered it. They were getting more and more flustered, freaked out, panicking, especially the bite victim. His first taste of being a disturbance and causing problems; a pivotal moment in his life.

“See? It’s funny,” he said to Gordon.

“I don’t know, man. She deserves it, sure but… you sure you wanna watch to the end?”

“Yes.” Because it was all fun and funny. Nothing to feel bad for him over. He was fine.

Eventually the two of them brought a third guy in to help. It was his idea to start inflicting pain. Just a little at first, pricking with the scalpel, drawing out a drop or two of blood before it healed. And then stabbing and cutting, trying to cause enough pain got make it let go. Hitting it with a hammer was proposed but immediately denied; bite victim’s hand was too deep inside it to not take damage form such a move too.

Third guy then pulled out a proper knife to try through the teeth. Another failure, they weren’t real bone but they sure were hard. He switched to trying to cut around them instead. Too slow though, especially with how careful he was not to hurt bite victim. The wound closed up behind the knife long before it could get all the way around

X stayed silent throughout, outwardly only betraying its pain through closing its eyes tighter and tighter as it bit down even harder. If it focused, it could block the pain without feeling it but it for even a moment but it was hard to focus after it had failed to even once.

When it did finally make a noise it was too muffled by the arm in its mouth to be audible. Benrey couldn’t recall exactly what it was trying to say but did know it was trying to let go now and attempting to say so. Its teeth were stuck bite victim’s bone though; it couldn’t. It was running out of juice and wanted the pain to stop.

The fear had been a bitter stark contrast to the earlier anger and feelings of victory. Even now, remembering it, made him tense up, his teeth growing longer and sharper as if he were about to starting biting something too. It was a feeling he shouldn’t be able to feel because he couldn’t be hurt in anyway that mattered. He’d been weaker back then though, softer and less capable. They’d been hurting him. The damage healed a second later, banishing the pain as well but the knife kept going, trying to go fast enough around to cut the hand free because he couldn’t let go. Teeth were bones and bones were hard, making them, dissolving them, if he’d even been able to think clear enough to remember to try back then which well, maybe he hadn’t. He couldn’t let go and so they’d kept hurting him.

The camera scientist returned with another long sharp knife and started helping. Bite victim’s composure was lost now, she was sobbing with pain. She had sharp teeth lodged into her forearm bone after all.

Benrey had always had a limit to how much he could heal at once before the blood flow stopped and he died. These days, even at his weakest, it was a lot – on Xen with all the passports feeding him, there’d been a moment when he’d thought he might be impossible to kill – back then though, it hadn’t been much. Not long after the second knife cutting into him too, little X reached it.

Upon death, it stopped bleeding and thus stopped healing. And thus bite victim’s arm was soon free at last. Sobbing and panting for breath she retreated. Stumbling over, she pressed her back against the wall, sliding down it. She held her injured out out in front of her, X’s blood had healed it but its teeth were still lodged in it. “Help me with this.”

Neither of the other scientists even looked at her. They were focused on the sliced up blob of X on the table. Only one of their faces was visible, it was locked in a grimace. “I think uh… we may have learned something entirely different from this experiment than intended.”

“Yeah that the fucking thing is violent and an evil piece of shit.”

“That too,” camera man said, “but also uh… there’s a limit on its healing. I think its dead.”

“Fuck, shit,” other guy said.

Camera man turned back and hurried over to the camera, stepping around behind it again. “I’m sure we can--” The video ended.

“There, we watched the whole thing.” Gordon’s voice had that familiar quaver in it. He was upset. Angry? … Maybe. It was hard to tell, more so than usual, but probably, right? “Are you satisfied?”

No, Benrey wasn’t satisfied. It had been worse than he’d remembered. Not funny at all. His teeth were still sharp, digging into his gums as he clutched the top of the office chair. There was a tight band wrapped around his chest, making it hard to breath.

Gordon tried to swivel the chair but Benrey’s grip on it wouldn’t let him. He stood instead, turning to face him as he did so. “Benrey?” What expression he was making, Benrey couldn’t see as he set his gaze on the floor. His tone was just as unreadable. “Are you okay?”

Benrey lifted his hands to press to the side of his head, clutching it. “You were right.” His voice sounded raspy and rough even to himself. “My life sucks.” They’d done stuff like that to him over and over. He told them to stop but they never listened. They didn’t care. No one ever had.

Stepping closer, Gordon pushed the chair aside. He lifted a hand, almost touching Benrey’s shoulder but stopped. “What do need from me? How can I help?”

What was he even talking about? Help Benrey with what? None of it made sense. Benrey was about to explode or scream or something! He dug his fingers into his scalp, forming claws and drawing blood. Blocking the pain came instinctively now, easier to do than not to because he’d gotten really damn good at it. Before he could turn it off…

Gordon grabbed his wrist, pulling it away from his head. The other, he pushed with his gun hand. “Whoa, hey, let’s not do that. I know you can heal and stuff but… please don’t do that to yourself, okay?”

Benrey could resist and do it anyway. Gordon was still holding his wrist but his grip was gentle and by default Benrey’s other hand was basically free. Gordon couldn’t hold both his hands no matter how hard he tried because he had only the one.

“Look I… I’m trying to help but I really don’t know how. My instinct is to do what you do for me when you’re comforting me after a nightmare but… I can’t sing a sweet voice for you and I don’t know if you wanna be touched or… or if you want me to just sit next to you and talk or be silent or… I don’t know. Please help me help you… if you can.”

Benrey finally looked up at his face. His expression was just as unreadable as his tone. Neither of which should be right now, he was very expressive, Benrey was just in a weird, horrible head space, making it hard to think because the pressure was too much. He needed scream. Attempting to take a breath to do so failed; the band around his chest was too tight. Instead he forced out a, “Touch. You’re warm.” What Gordon was trying to ask his help with he had no idea but being touched more did sound nice.

Apparently waiting for that, Gordon stepped closer to gently pulling him into a hug. He was warm and soft and wonderful. Benrey pressed into him, balling his hands into fists in the back his shirt. Instead of screaming he made an entirely different kind of sound, one he’d never heard himself make before. He’d heard other people make it though in video games, movies, and even in real life a few times. So he knew what it was, hearing it from himself was weird though.

“It’s okay,” Gordon whispered, rubbing his back. It felt really nice but somehow made Benrey cry harder anyway.

Turns out another advantage of being short was how easy it was to press his face in Gordon’s chest as he sobbed into it. It was stupid, lame, and dumb but he couldn’t stop now that he’d started. Didn’t even really want to.

He cried and cried as Gordon rubbed his back and murmured sweet assurances to him. None of his words really meant much, it was just beautiful background noise to cut against the wretched sounds Benrey made.

Eventually, after what felt like hours but might’ve been only a few minutes for all he knew, his sobbing and tears slowed and then petered to stop. Leaving him feeling wrung out like a dishrag or more like a spring that had been wound too tight but had finally be allowed to release all that tension but was now malformed with it. The pressure from his chest and mind was gone, making it possible to think again.

He shifted in Gordon’s arms. Not trying to escape, just enough to allow himself to look around a little, take stock of the room. Somehow unnoticed Gordon had moved them to sit on the couch, Benrey curled up in his lap, pressed to his chest. At Benrey’s movement…

“Feel better?” Gordon’s voice was still barely above a whisper.

“Yeah.” Even though Benrey should’ve never felt that bad in the first place. If he’d had it his way he would’ve continued to never confront that moment properly or any of the other bad ones. Of course that would’ve meant Black Mesa would’ve eventually found those records instead but they might’ve just kept them and never looked at them. “It’s your fault.”

“What is?”

“It. You’re making me feel things I’m not supposed to.” Whatever that feeling had been exactly, it had sucked! Horrible and awful, it was kind of feeling best avoided at all costs. But Gordon and Benrey’s feelings for him had ultimately lead him to it

“I uh… I’m sorry. I don’t think there are really things you’re suppose to feel or not feel though. You just feel how you feel and there’s no supposed to or not about it. Still though… sorry about making you see that.”

Benrey could just let him feel bad and take all the blame because they never would’ve ended up here if not for his nosiness so it was his fault. Watching the whole video had been solely Benrey’s decisions though, Gordon had tried to skip it the moment he’d found out what it was. “Nah, I made you watch it. So my fault too.” In trying to prove it was fine to Gordon, he’d instead proved Gordon right in that it wasn’t fine. Nothing about it was fine.

Despite that, he still wasn’t as annoyed with or mad at Gordon as he should be for being so disruptive, making him confront things he didn’t need or want to confront. He was warm and soft, holding Benrey close still even though he was done crying. The tears soaked in this shirt didn’t seem to bother him either

“Either way I think uh… we’re done for at least today, huh? Maybe just in general?”

“For today. Finish it tomorrow.” To make sure Gordon got as many of his science questions involving Benrey answered. So that the temptation to know more couldn’t be fulfilled with a long strung out series of him sneaking to view the files more. He’d then have to either respect Benrey’s request to not be studied any further or wouldn’t. Of course if it was the former, he could change his mind later down the line but for as long as he didn’t, Benrey would know for sure he mattered more as a person to him than an experiment. He’d enjoy that for however long it lasted.

Gordon sighed. “Okay. Whatever you wanna do. For now uh… wanna get something to eat then play games ‘til its time for bed?”

“Do I get to get back in your lap when we play?” Feeling better didn’t meant he felt good or normal. Comfort wasn’t something he should need but well, Gordon arms around him were really nice.

“Yeah, if you want to.”

“Okay then, I guess.”

~

Next Chapter

[waitmyturtles]

Because I’m me, and I’m always looking at things contextually and collectively, I watched Bed Friend last night while in the heady mindspace of a fabulous conversation with @wen-kexing-apologist​ about The Eighth Sense, addiction, meds, and the show creators. 

And so. I had been seeing the gifs and thoughts on Bed Friend, episode 9 yesterday, but didn’t really process them, so I did NOT realize...

... how freaking HAPPY THIS EPISODE WOULD BE!

I mean! Thankfully! There’s not a lot to say! UEA, WITH KING’S SUPPORT, WALKS AWAY FROM HIS STUPID FUCKING MOM! Pran’s dad gets his ass hauled to jail! Tian’s dad accepts them! King’s MOM comes around (and oh.... I always, always love the whole “call me mom” thing, it makes me weepy as a longtime wifey). Tongkao reconciles with big bro!

Awllll the lovey scenes. The office bathroom scene. The office team and Christmas time. JADE. Mongkol changing. King handing Uea his meds (crying emoji) (what support that shows, omg). King hugging his mom (OH MY ACHING OVARIESSSSSSSS) (I’M NOT HAVING ANY MORE KIDS BUT MEEEEEPPPPP). 

And, if you either know me or my writing or my blog, you might know what also really got me -- the same scenes with Uea, King, and King’s mom. Uea caring for King, cooking for him, comforting him.

Two things there. First off: I loved that in the second half of the show, King NEEDS Uea, not the other way around, as had been the paradigm for the majority of this show (although the show really started with King needing Uea, as King made the first moves). 

So we got to see Uea as a caretaker, cooing and caring for King. 

We got to see....(here’s me being typical)....we got to see them slowly becoming family.

So I think it’s totally apropos that we see a proposal happening next week. Who would have EVER called this by way of the early Bed Friend trailers, but: King and Uea are going to make a family together. That’s why King getting his parents’ approval was so important, and seeing King’s mom accept Uea was also important (Tian’s dad: two for two!). 

It was either @respectthepetty or @wen-kexing-apologist (sorry, I can’t find y’alls’ posts!) who said that they needed to see King’s backstory on how long he’s liked Uea, and I agree, I want that context, too. To manage a whole love journey FROM bed friends, TO boyfriends, and THEN to lifelong committed partnership -- um, King played a DAMN long game, a RISKY one. (Have you ever successfully turned FWB into a relationship? At least for me, in my youf -- definitely not. That shit takes SKILL.)

Knowing King’s love context and history would be so nice, because homeboy was clearly deadset on getting his man, and understanding how he did it, and how he knew so much about Uea in the process, would just be a cherry on the top of this show.

This show: friends, this was an unexpectedly FABULOUS, EXCELLENT, AND DEEP SHOW. Not as cerebral as a Bad Buddy or an ATOTS (since we’re talking about their dads). Not as sophisticated a storyline as The Eclipse. Not as plain dumb as Big Dragon. It was somewhere in-between, but definitely leaning towards the smart side of that spectrum among these shows. 

No side couples. These guys could be idiots and bumbling at times, but: because there were no side distractions of other couplings, à la ATOTS, the show could REALLY give time and light to Uea’s history and development, and to King just falling, falling, falling more and more in love.

Let me not get ahead of myself and end this show already. We’re getting a proposal and a motherfucking YACHT next week, people. A YACHT!

I want to give this show one HUGE hug for DOING THE DAMN THING and wrapping up ALL those messy threads EXCELLENTLY. WOW. What a worthwhile and fabulous experience. 

(@lurkingshan! List this! It’s worth it!)

[ramblingroommate]

Part 2 of 911 episode 1x1 (part 1 here)

Okay so now that I’m sane again (lie) after finding out Ryan fucking Murphy is also behind this show and have accepted what that will probably mean for my mental state (another lie), I’m ready to get back to the episode (wariness levels are suddenly 100%)

Oh wait what? Really? I’ve been seeing this man’s face on my dashboard for the last two years and never realized he had a birthmark on his face? Well now I feel dumb lol

Wait he doesn’t run into burning buildings? Isn’t that the whole thing about being a firefighter? This might sound dumb but I’m asking because I actually found it weird when they went to save that one kid who almost drowned. Is it different in the u.s.? Because over here they would call an ambulance for strictly medical emergencies and the firefighters for fires or car crashes and things like that

I have to say the characterization that’s been established is pretty strong and interesting even from this early on! I mean… half of these characters have barely had any lines yet and I still feel like I know at least one thing about each one of them. That tracks now that I know Ryan Murphy is involved in this: his shows may have a thousand flaws but he (usually) has really strong great characters. Over the top perhaps, but great. Let’s see what we have so far:

Chimney is insecure so he lies to his girlfriend about the stuff he does at work. The fact that he met her on a dating website for people who are into people in uniforms (he’s basically her wet dream) and he still has to lie because he doesn’t feel interesting enough? That says A LOT

Hen is sassy and is always ready with a witty comeback. It may not seem like much but she has had exactly ONE line so far so… not that bad

Bobby is the easy going reliable captain who cares about the others but has a Secret Past TM. I know from the memes that the fandom calls Bobby the father of the group but twenty minutes in and he just straight up says it

Buck is the young reckless guy, he likes sleeping around and doesn’t take things as seriously as the others do. From what I’ve read over the years this apparently changes with his character development but right now that’s where we are

All of this and I’ve barely seen half the first episode! I can see why people like this show already. I’m a sucker for shows with well defined characters (and I like that a lot of their traits are coming up naturally)

A baby in a wall… is this a true story? Why does it sound familiar?

… he’s such an idiot, I love him already

I’m curious about this cop character and how they’re gonna handle her storylines. I’m saying this because I used to really really like police procedurals (castle, criminal minds, white collar, lie to me…) but then real life events turned me off them. This seems to be a show mainly about firefighters saving lives so there probably won’t be any over the top cop storylines. I’ll keep an open mind anyhow

No one kept the elevator door open, I like that sprinkle of realism.

Also I’m finding Buck’s character really interesting. First half of the first episode and he’s already been established as reckless and impulsive BUT also as responsible and careful with the baby. He is careless when he takes the fire truck out to get laid but he cares a lot when he is inside one trying to keep a newborn alive.

Yeah he definitely cares a lot but is also… naive? In a way? He got attached really quickly and needed Bobby to remind him that their job doesn’t reach beyond those doors.

I don’t know, I’ve read posts before talking about how much Buck cares about people and maybe I’m jumping ahead? It feels like that’s what they’re going for tho

Also I just realized: we’re never going to find out more about that young mother are we? We really are following the first responders point of view… after we reach the hospital it’s not our responsibility anymore.

Buck’s reaction to the mother is also really interesting because it was VERY unprofessional but also understandable in a very human way. Don’t get me wrong: he was 100% wrong and Athena was absolutely right in tearing him a new one, but he’s also young and saw something really awful. I like when characters are flawed and make bad decisions and the show can point out they are wrong while still not paint them as bad people.

Also, I like Athena. So far she’s the typical hardass cop we have seen before, but the actress portrays it really well

Well that was unexpected.

My first gay character on the gay firefighter show? Yay

Jokes aside, I didn’t expect this. The daughter reaction was pretty... unrealistic? I don't know. Going out of her way to say that she supports gay people IN GENERAL but not in this very specific case because it's their dad and there are going to be repercussions on them feels... a bit too scripted? Like... I can imagine two writers saying "make sure she says she supports gay rights and her anger has nothing to do with that or else people are gonna get mad".

She's a teenager and her parents have been fighting for days (or even weeks?) and she just found out her dad has been lying to them AND her parents are probably gonna divorce (even if they say otherwise)... it doesn't feel realistic that IN THAT MOMENT she would be going out of her way to make sure everyone knows she supports gay rights and that's not what she's angry about. That is a conversation that could have come up later on? I don't know, it also feels like I'm getting stuck on a detail that's not really important so I'll shut up now.

This feels like a more realistic reaction! She is clearly a very proud woman, so her feeling humiliated and lashing out makes sense. Also her acting is amazing.

Also this is getting wayyy too long so I'll make a third part.

[beetlegoose01]

Hold on to the memories (Specs x Tucker)

happy new years my loves!! be safe alright? 💕✨️🎉🍾we survived 2023!! be nice this is my first time writing this pair AND for this fandom lmao Read on AO3!

December 31st-  11:45 pm.

Parties suck.

Specs ditches it ages ago, opting to slink behind the porch swing and cradle his remaining daiquiri as if his life depends on it. Which it does. There is no way he could handle the rest of the year—fifteen minutes of it left, sober.  Not that hiding matters anyway. Outside there's an even bigger group of people, shouting, screaming along to the song playing on the speakers. Fireworks crackle above his head, a rainbow mishmash of colors that blend into the misty sky, along with some cigarette smoke. 

He can't remember why he even showed up. He didn't know any of these people fooling around like idiots. Was he even invited? Or did he just go along with Tucker?

He jolts from his daze to realize something. 'Oh fuck I lost Tucker. How did I lose Tucker? He's not exactly an easy person to lose!'

Thankfully Tucker wasn't his designated driver, but he still liked having him around for moral support. 

He couldn't remember the last time he saw him. It was...maybe it was when he was wandering around the house. The music was pounding in his ears, and Tucker had mentioned something about helping his cousin with..something. What was that something?

"Don't go anywhere, Specs, I just need to help Taylor clean up the—you know. Ugh."

Puke. Right. Someone had puked inside the cat's litter box. And that was when Specs decided to step outside to get some air.

He takes another sip of his drink, swallowing away the tartness of it all, the blended ratio of lime to rum being too uneven for even him to find it delicious in any capacity. Not to mention it seemed to make his vision worse. It wasn't unusual for his glasses to slip off, seeing as they needed to be adjusted every other second, but upon touching his face, he feels the frame right on the bridge of his nose. He simply hadn't noticed, with the noise and the overwhelming atmosphere of it all. He wouldn't mind going home before midnight. Maybe he could catch Elise and they could go spirit hunting.

Except she was off playing bingo with her friends, so even if he did get back, she wouldn't be there.

His glass was empty now. Specs places it aside and exhales, resting his back against the edge of the porch stairs. It was only when he let himself wander for a bit towards the lawn that he notices a tall, bearded man moving towards him.

"There you are!" Tucker says and with no hesitation plops right next to him.

"Surprise, you found me." He replies flatly.

"You're not that hard to find. Five-foot nothing guy with glasses." He ignores Spec's noise of faux outrage. "And, I happened to notice you ran off without telling me."

"Aw, you do care."

Tucker shoots him a look, before taking a swig of whiskey.

Specs leans over, bumping his shoulder against him lightly without thinking. "I needed the fresh air." He admits after a moment of silence.

"Air's not that fresh out here."

"It's better outside than in. Can't stand the noise."

"Well it is a New Years party, kinda expect it to be a little noisy."

"New Years Eve party," He corrects. "No one actually celebrates New Year's Day 'cause they're too busy recovering from their hangovers. Y'know, it almost makes zero sense why it exists. There's nothing special about it. And...and new years resolutions? Like who the hell does those? It's so dumb. And fuck, it's so loud."

"Specs, how drunk are you?" Tucker smirks, allowing the other to lean closer almost into his lap.

"Yes." He grumbles.

"If you hate the noise so much, why did you show up?"

"You know why."

Mischief twinkles in his warm brown eyes. "Guess I do." His voice is gruff, but comforting. “Because I'm your best friend, and the only person who would invite you to a party. There's a first time for everyone, Specs.”

“Fuck off. That's only partly true.”

“Mm.”

"What time is it?" He gestures at Tucker's watch.

He glances down. "Nearly midnight, about a minute."

"Ha, you've got a few seconds then to figure out your resolution."

"I thought you said resolutions were dumb?"

"They are, that's why I expect you to do one. Duh."

He rolls his eyes. "Alright, my resolution is---"

Someone shouts over the buzz of voices. "Ten seconds till midnight! Everyone couple up, and get ready!"

It takes them a second to realize what's going on. Men with women, men with men, women with women, all huddling in the cold, waiting in anticipation as they start to count down.

10...9...8...

"Is this the part where we kiss?" Specs whispers, not realizing he says it aloud. "Oh fuck."

7...6...5...4...

Tucker seems taken aback, his eyes wide in astonishment at the suggestion. "I---think so? Do we?"

He shrugs. "Not if you don't want to! My mouth started doing the talking...before I finished thinking."

Tucker chuckles. "

Let's do it, man. It's tradition."

3...2...1

Neither man knows who moves first. Specs feels Tucker tenderly cup his cheek to tilt it slightly, his rough, chapped lips finally pressing against his in a soft gesture of affection.  Specs didn't expect to feel anything but a quick burst of adrenaline. Instead he felt light, tingling all of a sudden---and it wasn't because Tucker's beard was tickling him.

When they pull away, Specs is left wanting more. He catches a glimpse of Tucker's eyelashes fluttering open, and he nearly passes out at the sight. He never realized how beautiful he is, never grasped just how his eyes seemed to shine under the moonlight.

"Woah."

"Woah." He echoes. "That was..."

"Yeah...that was...really---" His cheeks redden, at a loss for words.

"Nice."

"Yeah, nice, that's the word I was looking for."

"Happy New Year?"

"Happy New Year." He nudges him. "You never told me your resolution."

Tucker winks, placing his hand in Spec's hip. "Don't need to. I already did my resolution for this year."

[bonesandthebees]

[“You also don’t have to worry about that sort of thing too much given your status.” / “But you do?” Tomys asked, raising an eyebrow. / Fighting to keep his face neutral, Wilbur shrugged.] despite his childishness, there’s still potential in Tomys. He reads between the lines perfectly here. And Wilbur is trying so hard to pretend that it’s not a big deal rather than his biggest fear in life.

[Legally, I hold no title. So yes, I do have to be more careful with the impression I leave on others.”] Every chapter there is at least one line that makes me feel so bad for Wilbur (there’s a lot in general, but a few jump out), this is one of them. It describes him perfectly, always aware of what others need to think of him. Always keeping his cards close to his chest.

And Tomys picks up that it must be stressful but then does the exact opposite and just speaks his mind and calls it prissy in the same breath, which pisses Wilbur off, because he’s so close to getting it yet he’s not taking it seriously. (Also I love rose!Wilbur having and subsequently losing his/a temper.)

And the jab about Tomys height again shows the potential for a good relationship. They could have that joking relationship Tomys wants at some point, he’s just jumping the gun a bit and missing several layers of context to get Why Wilbur will not be that friends or informal with him (yet). (It’s Ranboo’s presence and the knowledge that this can and will get back to his father and Phil might be anger about it.)

It’s also interesting to see Wilbur bounce between formal and etiquette and his actual feelings or losing his temper around Tomys, it’s like he can’t quite stop his true nature form shining through, in a way Tomys brings out the childishness Wilbur never really got to have, but then he can’t fully sink into it because he still has a goal/mission to achieve and even when no one else is there, other people’s expectations of him are still holding him back form every full relaxing.

Side note: all the servants dipping their heads at Wilbur as he walks past, clearly aware of his status and giving him the respect while Wilbur himself barely notices because he’s too caught up in his own head, you could summarise his entire chapter with this once interaction + maybe the following one with Phil (though the first interaction in chapter 1 also says a LOT).

[Like the night before, the guard barely spared him a second glance before letting him inside.] This could be taken 2 ways. 1. What’s actually happing, aka the guards can all easily recognise Wilbur and let him in without second thought because he’s the Consuls son and of course he’s allowed inside. 2. Aka how Wilbur might take it, they barely look at him and he’s barely worth their attention.

(4/?)

-🎄

exactly there IS potential there!! even though tommy doesn't understand what's going on, he does read between the lines. being kept ignorant of the reality of your situation doesn't make you an idiot, it just means you need someone to tell you what's going on.

:) wilbur always has to be the one holding the cards because without them the only thing giving him power is his father's position

I love rose!wilbur because he tries so hard to be as smart and controlled as his father is but he's a petty little shit with an easy to stoke temper. little does he know his dad used to be the same way when he was wilbur's age. had to get it from somewhere after all.

yeah again they could definitely have a great friendship. the two of them are very similar in a lot of ways. but there's a lot of context that's keeping wilbur from letting himself get too familiar with tommy and playing into his sense of humor. the problem is, like you said, being around tommy brings out the childishness wilbur never got to fully embrace when he was tommy's age. ironically, if he did give into that childish urge to insult tommy, it would probably make tommy like him more.

god yeah he's so caught up in his own head and doesn't even realize that, yeah dumbass, the servants and guards DO know who you are and respect you