#(sorry again it got pretty long ^^"

[fairyofshampgyu]

he’s literally so beautiful and handsome

[sparklingchim]

[ruvviks]

we would sell anything just to buy who we're not // we kill our way to heaven

taglist (opt in/out)

@shellibisshe, @florbelles, @ncytiri, @hibernationsuit, @stars-of-the-heart;

@lestatlioncunt, @katsigian, @radioactiveshitstorm, @estevnys, @adelaidedrubman;

@celticwoman, @rindemption, @carlosoliveiraa, @noirapocalypto, @dickytwister;

@killerspinal, @euryalex, @ri-a-rose, @velocitic, @thedeadthree

[hatterofthelabyrinth]

Hi, do you keep on the lookout for the exit all the time or do you settle somewhere and work your way from there?

Well, I used to think about settling down. Met a nice guy who helped me get my bearings here. I even thought about staying for a while. But uh…then the schism showed up, and I got a pretty harsh realization that to stay here meant changing into something I'm not against my will. Which didn't exactly seem very appealing to me, thanks. Had a moment or two where I tried to stop it from growing, but everything I tried just made it worse. So…here I am. On the move. Better to get going rather than stay in one place for too long, am I right?

[luck-of-the-drawings]

(OLD OC SKETCHES) Meet Sunnabelle Von Sunnoviche, final daughter of the Sunnoviche family. Peeking from behind a window, she witnessed a wizards final spell, one that reduced the world to a wasteland. Her noble blood damned her to [HELL], but unwanting to suffer with her family, she made a deal with the devil. She now hunts in his name. The top of her head was taken by the blast on that day. The fires of her spirit have boiled her blood into a super-heated plasma.

[chelemlem]

oooh what kind of things do you bake? I'd love to try them sometimes 💞 have a sweet day!!

hello anon!!!!! thank u for giving me an excuse to talk about BAKING

sooo just before covid i took a 3 week dessert course and kind of became obsessed??? during lockdown i used to watch tons & tons of videos on process nd technique instead of physically yaknow Doing Anything bc i hated the idea of ~wasting ingredients~ at my mediocre skill level which looking back was an insane approach but i kinddd of think it helped bc when i started making things more regularly the improvement was p quick !!

my fave thing to bake is pastry (puff, choux, shortcrust, filo) so basically any kind of sweet tart/croissant/eclair/profiterole/pie ❤️ i also love a savoury curried egg or chicken puff but that's kind of a gamble bc what EYE think is an okay level of spice does not fly for everyone else. when it comes to large batches for a party or something i usually stick to sweet 2 be safe

pictured: fruit mascarpone tart → mango danish → tiny baby pains au chocolat <33

course i make cake and stuff too and it's FINE but i also know lots of ppl who are better at it lol. i'm pretty Terri at piping anything more complex than a simple swirl so when it comes to deco i tend to stick to covering the top with store-bought macarons/fruit and calling it a day. also maybe it's just me but full layer cakes are such a hassle to cut and store...... i adore a cutieful low commitment CUPCAKE tho <33

my order of preference when it comes to baking is pastry > cookies/brownies/cupcakes > layer cakes >>>>> bread. ugh BREAD i cannot figure her out but i Want to...... someday...

thing is bread is honestly such a delicate process where ur final product will flop unless the ratios are justé right and u proofed at something.000001 degrees and mercury is in retrograde whereas the rules of pastry are more relaxed and intuitive and involve doing vaguely unhinged things like holding fistfuls of ice cubes before you handle ur dough so the heat from ur palms doesn't melt the butter... it's also great for LAZY BITCHES LIKE ME because a "4 hour recipe minus baketime" sounds intense until u realize 3h15 mins of that is just chucking the thing in the fridge between rolls

choux au craquelin is probably what i make the most often. love a textured little cream puff!!! versatile and scalable and easy to transport... she's that girl truly

also today i remade the mango one i was telling k about and it turned out muchhh better with a chunkier filling yay 🥭

convinced i'm never going to get a pretty cross-section in my life but wtvr they still tasted good !!!

goals for the future:

bread but specifically this yummy pesto babka i had in february

creme brulee donut......... need her

crookie but less dry bc i've been kind of unimpressed by the ones i've had so far

something citrusy w/o relying on chocolate as a crutch

basically i really love baking! like experimenting/trying new recipes ofc but also just the process of consciously altering and improving upon stuff you've already made :')

and yeah feeding ppl is bonus <3 hope u have a good day too!!!

[the-words-we-sung]

Thoughts and pictures - S3E2

Here we go for the rewatch of S3E2 (sorry in advance, it might get long ^^')

The new rules at Hillerska are pretty dumb and way too severe. And this phone policy is so stupid: how are these 2 horny boys supposed to survive? :p

So on one hand, online hate is about Simon not being good enough for Wilhelm, and on the other hand, it's about Wilhelm who should not have said anything in his speech because he's betraying the school. Though Wilhelm is not reading the online comments like Simon, and the attacks are less personal and vicious. Seeing Simon read through everything was so painful, I just wanted to go kick the ass of everyone who dared be a bully so this lil' muffin.

Gosh the third years are over the top: "three years here and we get nothing", just because they can't have a proper graduation and all the parties and stupid stuff they wanted to do before graduating? I guess that it's frustrating but compared to the real issues that are being raised about the school, it sounds very very superficial... August is way more reasonable than Vincent about it: the issue is not that they won't have a graduation (even if they don't have the party, they will still graduate high school) but that the school might close, thus sending them all to other schools before the end of the term. Vincent is an idiot.

"Why can't she call me?". Episode 2 and Wilhelm is already heartbroken because of his mother.

Farima doesn't believe Wilhelm about his initiation, look at her face! But it strikes me that her main concern if he did go through this awful initiation is that it would look bad for the Royal Court to keep him here, and not at all about his well being and how traumatizing it would have been!! The adults in this show are the worst... And nobody cares about Wilhelm (except Simon) 💔

"He's such an attention whore". Another ass that needs to be kicked!! How dare they talk about him like that?

Simon keeps being bullied and Wilhelm pressured: if they close the school, it'll be his fault. Why is everyone so mean and terrible to them?

The Felice interview makes me so mad!! And it reminds me of the interaction between August, Simon and Wilhelm back in season 1 when August tells them how nice it is that rowing bring students together, with no regard for their ethnicity, background, etc. Which made Simon super mad too. I love the switch from Felice in the office with her strained smile to her angrily throwing punches during gym class. Excellent cinematic!

Micke and Sara: I'm still so surprised to see him act so well.

This freaking blonde girl from the choir: I hate her 😡 She was the one slut shaming Felice in season 2. Now she's complaining about the point of training for a song if they're not sure they'll be performing. You're annoying and mean. I don't like you 😤

But Simon's face when Wilhelm joins the choir 💜💜

I love this little scene so much: they are just so cute and in love. Like you can feel how much they love each other: they're literally glued together, kissing and then just keeping their faces so so close to each other while talking. It just feels so true to life, when you love someone so much that you just want to stay as close as you can, just touching each other in any way you can, never letting go. Also I just love how Simon loves Wilhelm. How clingy he can be.

So the scene between Nils and August: we know that they were victims of this awful initiation but I'm realizing now that we don't know if they ended up being beaten up and made fun of because they got an erection? I've seen several posts of people discussing that August could be queer because he had a reaction to the porno (which I don't agree with, I don't think that it can be taken as an indicator of someone's sexual orientation). But we don't know if he had a reaction, do we? Or am I misunderstanding/missing something?

Wilhelm is so angry with August. Yeah his reaction in the library can be seen as a little over the top ("don't talk to him!") but I understand his anger. And okay, the way we go from the fight to both of them sitting silently in Boris' office is comedy gold :p I'm almost frustrated that the fight was so short though, I wanted Wilhelm to get some good punches in!! These mediation talks: I'm not sure how I feel about them. On one hand I get that the Court wants them to get along, but on the other, August did something truly awful and traumatizing to Wilhelm. So if he doesn't want to talk to him, to see him or to have anything to do with him anymore, well, it's his right! He shouldn't be forced to interact with him like that. Also I was a bit disappointed by Boris this season: he was so good during season 2 but I find him a bit underwhelming this season...

"I can be your revolution". Please can we get the song again in the last episode? The full version for a happy Wilmon who are a revolution together? Pretty please?

Simon giggling while reading the messages about his video is the cutest thing ever. And it's a tragedy that it was one of the only giggle we got from him this season 😫

Wilhelm is wearing a purple jumper when he listens to Simon's song. It's rare to see him wear purple, isn't it?

Linda still annoys me a bit this season. Like in this scene: no, don't ask your son, who's been betrayed so hard by his sister, to still care about her right now. He's angry at her, and rightfully so (I love love love that they let him be truly angry at her). She should understand that.

Rosh and Stella: yes please, I ship it! (Yeah I don't like Frederika so I'm all for a new potential love interest for Stella :p)

Also after 2 seasons where we regularly saw guys peeing outside, it's the girls' turn!! I don't know why but it made me laugh ^^

The conversation about their summer plans: this scene is so awkward!! And the tent scene that follows is just terrible 😭 Also hear me out: maybe unpopular opinion but I think Simon overreacted. Maybe from his point of view what Wilhelm is gonna do during summer is not working (because it's not the kind of job that him, Ayub and Rosh will have) but it's still working. Taking classes to become Prince/King is not gonna be a walk in the park, it's gonna be work for Wilhelm. It's terrible because I understand where Simon is coming from during their fight: telling Wilhelm that he never had to work to afford anything, that he's so incredibly privileged, it's so hard to be with someone who's from such a higher social status and be easily pissed off when they don't seem to realize it (what do you mean it sounds like I'm talking from experience.. 😅). Side eyeing Wilhelm hard with the shushing though. Don't talk to Simon like that >< (I would have stormed out if I had been Simon!) And yeah throwing the line about the settlement money was not nice (I've seen people being angry about it) but he's mad and got yelled at while he thought he was just trying to relate to and hang out with Simon's friends. So I understand throwing a mean comment there (I would have done the same 😣)

The "is it my fault?" breaks my heart. And so again: the crushing weight on Wilhelm's shoulders... His mother is unwell so he has to be strong, to be ready to take over, and on top of it, he has to keep it to himself.

Gosh season 3 is just things piling up on Wilhelm and Simon. Different things but still crushing them, slowly but surely...

[squarebracketsmileyface]

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

I WOULD KILL FOR BIRDIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I WANT MAMA LARK AND PAPA TIM AND BUBA BRIAN AND LITTLE BIRDIE TO JUST BE THE BEST HAPPY FAMILY IN THE WORLD GAH!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mon I hope you know this will forever be in my brain, all my thoughts, are going to be consumed by them.

Do you think inthe everyone lives au they'd want more kids or are they completely happy with their little surprise miracle? And in that vain, do you think Tim would yeet his uterus/ get his tubes tide after Birdie is born or like, again, maybe perhaps... holding out for the possibility of another....

(Don't mind me, I'm just a fiend with baby fever and the love of projecting onto my favorite guys)

~💜

Oh dude even in the 'canon' of Sorry, It's Locked Tim does end up with another kid.

The second kid is more planned than Birdie but still not entirely planned (as in, he and Brian have been talking about it and have been a bit less careful about using protection, but it still happens a lot sooner than they expected it to lol). They name this kid Jesse and it's a little boy, so Birdie gets a little brother.

In the 'everyone lives' AU I think I'd keep this. Around the time when Birdie is sorta 12-13 ish, after Brian comes back into their lives and eventually starts dating Lark and Tim, he and Tim have a kid as well, and again, that kid is Jesse.

Also Jesse is like, obsessed with his big sister when he's a baby. Like, he only wants to be held by her, he stares at her constantly, y'know? He just really loves his big sister.

OH YEAH WAIT I FORGOT TO TELL YOU SOME STUFF ABOUT BIRDIE IN THE LAST ONE.

Birdie is a bug autistic, she fucking loves insects of all kinds. Every type of insect, there isn't a single one she dislikes. However, Tim really doesn't like bugs much (blame that on waking up in the forest, lying on the floor covered in insects and insect bites) but he tries for Birdie. Like, she wants to raise caterpillars? Sure, they can do that... Except that Birdie releases the butterflies in his room one day and he almost has a panic attack so now he's gotta explain to 3-4 year old Birdie that she really "really can't do that because papa is very scared of bugs, even the pretty ones". Birdie gets it and is allowed to raise caterpillars again, but she does ask if that means she can't dress up as insects for Halloween anymore, if Tim is even scared of the pretty ones.

Obviously, Tim says she is the prettiest bug and only bug he likes. She is very happy and proceeds to dress as a shield bug for the next Halloween. Tim is just very confused by her choice 💀

Confused but supportive dad lol

I think I also forgot to mention some of how Birdie is in 'canon' S,IL while it's just her and Tim. Because even though Tim hides MH from her, he can't really hide the PTSD kinda stuff it left him with. He can't hide the nightmares that wake him up, he can't hide how scared he is when he forgets things, stuff like that. He and Birdie have this kinda routine where if he wakes her up with his nightmare she goes and sleeps in his bed with him. So she'll wake up because he's yelled or something in his dream and she'll go into his room (wake him up if he isn't already awake) and they'll cuddle until they both fall back asleep.

A lot of Tim's nightmares pot MH are about losing people, they're about losing Jay and about losing Brian, they're about killing Alex and lying to Jessica about what really happened and then never seeing her again, stuff like that. But they're also about losing Birdie. They're about sort of "what if" scenarios where he lost her before he even knew he was pregnant, where the fight with Alex at the end caused him to miscarry. They're about losing her to some horrible accident now that he actually has her to look after. They're about the Operator coming back and hurting her. They're about the Operator coming back and Tim doing to Birdie what his mum did to him, sending her away to a mental hospital and rarely coming to visit.

The ones about Birdie are the worst for him, the others he kinda knows how to deal with, he dealt with them during MH and also, they did happen. He did lose those people. In a way that makes it less scary, because it's just reliving the events in a way and he can kinda handle that. But the dreams about losing Birdie? They fuck him up. Some days even sending her off to school after a really bad nightmare about losing her feels like too much and can send him into panic attacks all day.

On days like that he and Birdie have an agreement with the school that Birdie can phone home at break and lunch, and if Tim really needs to he can phone and ask for her outside of break and lunch. He tries not to need that one, he doesn't wanna drag her out of class in front of everyone, he doesn't want the other kids to make fun of her for it, because kids can be mean like that. Birdie doesn't really care what the other kids think. She doesn't even realise that getting called out of class like that could be something to be embarrassed by. All she cares about is "my papa is sad and scared and I can make him feel better by talking to him about bugs" because on those phonecalls she literally just talks about bugs she's seen that day and Tim's just happy to listen and remember that she's alive and safe and strangely obsessed with bugs.

ALSO kinda on the same lines as this, even tho Birdie loves Brian as a teacher, she's kinda suspicious of him when he and Tim get together. Like, not massively, but the first time Brian sees Tim have a nightmare when he stays the night, he ends up getting kicked out of Tim's room by Birdie because she doesn't trust him to know how to help. She kinda gets one of those little kid power trips about being the only one who knows how to look after her papa when he has a nightmare, like, she feels all special because just being there or talking to him makes him feel better, y'know lol?

She gets all high and mighty with Brian and he tries to focus on how funny he finds it rather than panicking about whether Tim is okay.

When Birdie doesn't come out of Tim's room again Brian cracks the door to look in and absolutely melts because Birdie and Tim are sound asleep all cuddled up together. Brian sleeps on the sofa that night and ends up all manners of fucked up because it is NOT a comfy sofa to sleep on and his back is already fucked 💀

Many many spasms were had all the next day. That poor man was not having a good time. Birdie feels sorry for him and tells him that next time he can go and sleep in her bed instead.

He appreciates the offer 💀

It doesn't take much convincing from Tim for Birdie to let Brian stay after the first few times he has a nightmare while Brian is staying over, rather than her causing a whole palava kicking Brian out (cos that's not as simple as just, Brian gets up and walks out of the room, he has to transfer into his wheelchair and make sure he grabs his morning meds in case Birdie won't let him back into the room in the morning when he needs them, and make sure he brings his service dog with him cos she sleeps on the bed with him and Tim, y'know? A little less simple than "get up and walk out". Also his neck is also kinda fucked up from the fall so he has a specific pillow that he always uses, which if he doesn't he always finds his neck all kinda of fucked up in the morning, so he's gotta grab that too lol)

Anyway, eventually Brian just becomes part of their whole nightmare routine and Birdie realises that teaming up with him to look after Tim works way better than doing it on her own. So she and Brian cuddle Tim from both sides and he gets extra reminded that they're both still there. Also Brian's service dog is probably trained to help with PTSD, cos no way Brian isn't also a little fucked in the head after MH, so she can task and do deep pressure for Tim. She's a bit confused at first cos usually she does it for Brian, but she gets it very quickly. Birdie is delighted that a dog can be taught to cuddle on command.

Oh shit you asked about tubes tied and stuff as well lmao. Sorry I got so distracted.

I think after they have Jesse, Tim gets a hysterectomy and all that. He doesn't wanna go through pregnancy and birth a third time, so they get that done so he doesn't have to worry about it. He jokes that if Brian or Lark wants another kid they'll have to figure out which one of them is gonna carry it.

He'd be happy to have another kid, all three of them have pretty good jobs now (Lark's the big moneymaker for the family with Tim close behind, Brian's still a teacher because he adores kids) so they could support a third kid financially, but if they want another kid, they're gonna have to adopt or go through a surrogacy thing rather than Tim carrying it like with Birdie and Jesse.

Oh yeah also the kids names:

Birdie is "Birdie Amelia Wright"

Jesse is "Jesse Alexander Thomas"

Yes, I know it's dumb but I love it. Jesse for Jessica. Alexander for Alex. Amelia for Amy. Tim names his kids so that people who were lost to MH are still kept alive in a little way (yeah yeah Jessica is still alive, but Tim has no way of getting in touch with her so nyeh). In the 'everyone lives' AU that kinda doesn't work as well so Jesse's middle name would probably be different in that, cos Alex is still alive lol. But yeah.

@pianofirepirate helped me come up with the Kids full names :]

I've ranted to them about this shit so much recently lol.

SPEAKING OF RANTING TO THEM here's another thing we came up with:

In the 'canon' of S,IL Birdie does eventually find out about MH. Probably about when she's 15-17 I think? One of her friends tells her about it, like, mentions that her dad's look like two of the guys from this old YouTube horror series and shows her a couple things that people managed to save before Tim deleted the MH channel and all that, cos even in universe I like to think MH got relatively popular, with people thinking it was a fictional horror series. It starts a WHOLE conversation at home with Tim and Brian where they have to explain that yeah all that stuff happened to them, no they really don't remember a lot of it (especially Brian), yes people think it's fictional but it's not, etc etc etc.

Tim and Brian are upset that some 'random' kid at school showed MH to Birdie, but over all it's not a world ending thing. What it does do though, is open the floodgates on jokes about stuff that happened in MH. E.g. "can't believe you pushed me off a building" jokes. Brian uses that one so often and Tim just sighs dramatically and comes back with "First of all, you fell! And also YOU'D BEEN STEALING MY MEDS FOR YEARS AND I DIDNT KNOW WHO YOU WERE BEHIND THAT STUPID MASK!" And Birdie just sits back and watches in glee. She finds it hilarious.

Though the first time Brian accused Tim of pushing him she did go "you pushed him off a building!?!?" Like, completely taken aback and they had to explain the whole thing to her and they probably showed her the video so she could see what actually happened.

Honestly I think that maybe once Birdie is like, 18 they end up putting all the videos back up. Maybe they only privated them rather than deleting them idk. But yeah I think after a while they'd just silently put the videos back up and all the lost media people rejoiced, and there's just the unspoken thing that Birdie can watch the videos if she wants to.

She doesn't.

Like, she watches a little bit of it here and there. But she never actually sits down and watches everything, she just doesn't feel like it's something she needs to do. She watches enough to know who the people being talked about by her dads are (Amy, Jessica etc etc etc) and she watches a couple entries with Jay in them over and over and over again. But generally, she just doesn't want to watch the whole thing, y'know. She doesn't watch all of MH and she hasn't seen a single TTA video.

Wait that reminds me now again (sorry, I keep fucking doing this)

That whole thing with Tim sometimes needing to phone Birdie's school and just, like, make sure she's still alive. That doesn't fully go away when Birdie gets older and goes off to college/university. Tim's always been a bit of a helicopter parent and though he gets better at it, he and Birdie do make time to phone each other pretty much every night. Mostly it's just Birdie talking about her day and what she's been up to, and Tim listening. Occasionally he'll chip in with bits about his day, but mostly he's happy to listen to her talking about her studies. (She's gonna be a bug scientist. I can't remember what they're called. But she's gonna be a big scientist, specifically working in conservation of insects).

If Birdie misses a phone call one evening Tim will definitely start to panic a bit, but he makes sure he only sends her one or two texts to check in before he forces himself to put his phone down and go spend time with Brian and/or Jesse :]

Cos while Birdie's uni age, Jesse is only like, idk 10 at most? So Tim still has a lot to do, y'know? Jesse keeps him and Brian occupied and while he's looking after/spending time with Jesse, Tim manages to take his mind off worrying about Birdie pretty well.

[redbootsindoriath]

Merry Christmas!

And an early happy new year, since I'll be traveling at that time and won't be able to post anything. Sorry for the long disappearance. I wish I had some exciting excuse like being abducted by the fae or becoming a spy, but really I've just been going through a lot and haven't been drawing much. Here are a couple of fantasy style Klausen (or maybe the more widely recognized Krampi) by way of apology. I hope you all have been good this year.

[tankgotstuckinthecircusgate]

i know that when carlo suddenly decided that he needs to marry guy made a whole list in his head n like had a deadlines n shit. like it was some kind of a task he needed to do

[mildfevermystery]

Chika SSR #1197 and SR #2242 [Transparent, Edited/Extended] ※ Credit is appreciated but not required.

[running-in-the-dark]

it's been a month since we moved into the new apartment -

I'm so stressed. everything is stressful. we're still not done building the kitchen but it's getting there (slowly). mostly we just need to wait until we get a couple parts that weren't in stock when we ordered the rest. I'm hoping it'll be done by next weekend.

some of it is very frustrating with my brain specifically. I'm so bothered by all the tiny little things that no one else would even notice - like, some of the handles on the drawers are very slightly crooked (as in, less than a millimeter higher on one side) - but for me it's so obvious that it's impossible to ignore. my husband didn't even know what I meant when I pointed it out to him. there's also been a few slightly bigger issues, but we've solved them now (I think).

my eye has been twitching for like three to four weeks. not all the time obviously, but every few minutes. it's very, very annoying.

we still have no new info about when we'll have internet finally. it could take a while still.

on Monday a guy has to replace something in the electric roller shutters in one room - but we don't know which one yet. so either I'll have to let him into my room (awful, uncomfortable, will have to tidy up tomorrow so he could even get to the window), or I'll have to get both our cats into their carrier if it's the one in my husband's room (awful, difficult, one of them doesn't like that so he'll be scared and I'll feel bad).

also on Monday the electrician will install our stove (if he has time). then we're getting two ikea deliveries. and I've got an appointment with my (new) GP because I need a prescription, and I'm very (verrry) nervous about it.

I miss watching TV. I miss tumblr and YouTube and messaging my friends whenever I want and sending them photos all the time. I miss order and structure and (some level of) routine. I miss using real cutlery (we still haven't found ours lol).

when I was finally starting to get used to the noises in this place, the family above us moved in with their baby that cries all the time very very loudly and most of the time right above my room. so now everything is different again and I'm not adjusting well and once again I can't sleep.

but, I've listened to 14 audiobooks since we moved! that's been nice. it was the same way when we moved the last time (just over a year ago..). my favourite by far was The Thursday Murder Club. I've got the other ones in the series but I'm trying not to listen to them too quickly, so I'm gonna listen to three other books first (one is done already, so I should get there on Monday or Tuesday hopefully).

[ninelivesart]

I finally busted out the India Ink I bought a few years ago and never used until today in my sketchbook. I will DEFINITELY be playing around with it more because this was so much fun. My sketchbook is unfortunately not made for multiple washes but idc.

[diddlesnap]

I think there were some serious growing pains when katniss and peeta were starting to "grow close" again.

[longagoitwastuesday]

Going through the Utahim.e tag had me checking several times if at some point I had clicked on the G.ojo/Utahim.e one instead

[basofy]

some thoughts regarding joyful (not definitive)

this is more of a personal post about my relationship with this game, but i realized something important a while ago, and it's that, out of the 3 times i've played lisa the joyful, i had never played it again after changing my mind about buddy

yes i disliked her at first im so sorry, i was biased on brad and didnt like others dunking on him GHAGFSGF the first 2 times i played i didnt like buddy a lot, the 3rd time i was starting to take her more seriously but i honestly just replayed for the battles and secrets, didnt even finish it back then.

so i have to say, outside of the new content, replaying joyful felt absolutely necessary for me, after starting to emphatize more with buddy (which ive been doing for like a year and half, still never played again) and not only that but my thoughts on rando. i've been looking wrongly at him since the start becuz i thought he was simply just nice 'rando did nothing wrong' then i realized he, in fact did things wrong, and i had become a bit, hmm, disinterested in him, because i had in mind his flaws too much and it started to feel like he didnt care much about buddy. sorry if this is mean as hell rando fans, but luckily playing again gave me a different view of him. i think rando cares, he cares as much as he can but he cant just agree to everything, there are things that simply just oppose eachother and i think this eats him alive and makes him a little lame in how he handles things. i noticed he mentions the kidnapping at the start quite a lot, which he could be feeling intensely guilty about, even moreso, with the implication that buddy was assaulted, which he even asks her about right after. and even if buddy doesn't bring it up ever again, he seems still worried about this. and i liked paying attention to that. i enjoy not seeing him as perfect but he is still caring

on the topic of buddy, i started to become more and more attached to her over time and it actually pains me to think about her sometimes. much like with lisa, thinking about how they were literally just kids going through the worst makes me cry at times. during this playthrough of joyful i had something strange happen and it's that i'd get actual goosebumps reading some of the dialogue, the things buddy would say to rando, the kidnapping, the flavor text in battles and things the enemies would say to her. i think i finally played joyful like i was supposed to and im happy about that, im rly feeling like drawing buddy and rando now. theyre not perfect siblings but it's good to be assured that they cared about eachother, i needed that

another thing i rly rly needed since a long while ago was to cry for lisa again, i played the brad hallucination fight in spanish (only that part, cuz i wanted to see how the name 'chiqui' got handled) and it made me cry so bad, especially i noticed that right after the dialogue where brad tells buddy to not call him dad, his next phase is literally named 'dad', i never paid attention to that. but anyway it seems this game affects me more if i play in spanish, might be because the first time i played it was the fan translation, very nostalgic. some bits of the new content in painful and joyful made me cry, too, mostly the lisa bits. even if there are some things im not convinced by, i know im thankful for that, idk, i like getting emotional and crying, this game means a lot to me, but for a while i could only cry if at some point i started thinking about it too much, i couldn't cry while playing, so this was nice, im a sensitive and lame guy