#dude was literally feeding the hardest I’ve seen in a while

[slicksquid]

think about the performance of my team’s zap here

[songmingisthighs]

[21.57] mafia!wooyoung × reader

⇀ nothing's as concerning as wooyoung's 180° change, it's all or nothing for him. And you ? You just became his everything.

⇁ tw : violence, mafia life

⇁ part. 1 / 2 / 3

⇁ disclaimer : the author does not support any and all criminal/illegal acts. the narrative written in this story is purely fiction out of the author's imagination. the things written here does not portray real mafia life nor is the author aware of how the mafia life is like. the author is a hermit loser.

Five days went by and you still haven't regained consciousness and Wooyoung had not left your side for even one second.

Neglecting not only his duties but also his own well-being. He wouldn't leave you for a single second, afraid that if he does, someone might come in and finished you off. So he had San be on standby in the guest room, taking his place for when he needs to shower or go for a bathroom break. Said man even attempted to spoon-feed Wooyoung when he found out that his friend had denied the food his house staff brought to him, to which Wooyoung finally gave in and feed himself after San tied him up in his chair and threaten to feed him mother bird style.

When Yeosang came back in the day after you were first found, Wooyoung almost stab one of the nurses when he tried to take you to get checked.

"Seriously? I brought my machines and staff here and literally, within the first 2 minutes here, there are no signs of gratitude and you almost injured one of my staffs? Are you freaking high again?" Yeosang nagged after pulling the petrified nurse to the side.

Honestly, Wooyoung felt bad for scaring the man, but he had to hold onto you no matter what. You have to be within his peripheral vision because the last time he (stupidly) let (drove; shove) you out of his sight (turned all cctvs off which then directly caused you to get kidnapped), he almost didn't get the chance to regret what he did (and said) to you.

But Wooyoung wasn't gonna let other people know that he has remorse. Heck no.

He's the Jung family head mafia and there isn't anyone allowed to know how he's actually like.

Except you.

Right after you wake up.

So instead of letting Yeosang's staffs take you away, Wooyoung swooped you in his deceptively strong arms and put you on the gurney.

Once he's sure that you're secured, he looked at Yeosang and his staffs with narrowed eyes, "no offense, man, but I don't trust any of them," Wooyoung then look to his men who's stationed by his door, "get their details and do thorough background checks on them," he said before pushing the gurney down, forcing Yeosang to personally help him.

He made sure that his men were stationed at every entrance, ran background checks on every staff that entered his place, heck even put out a curfew for everyone including his visiting friends.

"Dude, you gotta get out of here, you look like a zombie," San said as he entered the room, walking towards Wooyoung who had moved his desk closer to the bed where you lied motionless. He slightly cringed when he saw the needles that poked through the skin of your hand.

Without looking up from his work, Wooyoung sighed and shook his head, "she could wake up any second, I wanna be here when she does" he muttered, eyes flitting to your form on the bed for a second.

San approached his friend, leaning both hands on the table, "Wooyoung, you missed 3 important meetings, 2 briefings, and you haven't delegated workloads other than security details for your own place, the organization will be in shambles soon," he said sternly.

Hearing facts behind his words irked Wooyoung, he knew about the current vulnerability in his organization because he's only been taking care of you since you came back to him. He didn't want to be reminded of his previous neglect.

He was about to tell San off when suddenly a voice chimed in.

"You should go do your job, Wooyoung," you called, coughing a little from scratchy throat.

It took him some time to fully realize that you had woken up after five days. He immediately run to your side and help you sit up, ordering San to get you a glass of water.

Once your throat had been soothed by the water, Wooyoung held your hand in his, kissing the back side of it multiple times to express how glad he is, "thank God you woke up, I-I don't know what I'd do if you don't," he choked, feeling tears start to brim on his eyes.

You initially didn't pull away from his touch nor his affection, maybe it's the fact that you had just woken up, maybe you think you're hallucinating, because the Jung Wooyoung you knew would never talk to you or treat you like this.

Though it hurts, you pulled your hand away from his grip, cringing a bit, "F-funny you say that, last time we spoke you said you wanted me dead," you muttered bitterly at him.

Sensing that this is a personal conversation, San slipped away before hearing anything else.

Wooyoung stared at you with sad eyes, "No, baby, I would never," he reached forward, trying to take your hand in his once again. But you scooted further into the bed, your eyes started watering, "liar," you choked out, "you said you've been planning my assassination since the beginning and you wanted to go through with it,"

"I-I did, didn't I? I can't deny I've said that to you, but please, losing you was the hardest thing that ever happened to me-"

"Well what about me!?" You exclaimed, cutting him off, surprising him at the tone you used.

By now tears had streamed down your face, your hands were clutching the blanket on your lap tightly as you began sobbing, "f-for a year, I've been nothing but understanding to you and your actions, I've done nothing but try to stay out of your way, all I asked in return was to be treated like a human being, but you couldn't even do that now, could you ? I even had to get kidnapped by whoever's after you for you to finally give half a fuck about me," you were choking the words out, your raw emotion evident with the way you speak.

Wooyoung never once seen this side of you, the side that is so raw and vulnerable. Sure, he'd occassionally hear your soft sobs through the en suite bathroom or came across your quivering figure in the gardens. But never once did you bore yourself to him like this.

Despite knowing that you might push him away, Wooyoung climbed into bed as quick as he can and enveloped you tightly in his arms.

At first you tried pushing him off with all your strength, not wanting to be comforted by him. But he held on, he knew his way around people's movement so using his knowledge against you was an easy feat.

It took you a while, you still struggled for a bit but you eventually gave in, letting his arms wrap around you and tucking your head under his chin. By now you had somehow situated between his legs, him carefully minding the IV on your right hand as he pulled you in deeper (as if it's possible).

"I know that I don't deserve it, heck, I deserve nothing from you after putting you in hell like that, but I sincerely apopogize and I will do anything and everything I can in order to gain your trust and maybe..." he pulled back slightly and tilt your chin up so he can meet your gaze, "...we can go forth and build a relationship?"

Stranger things had happened in your life but this, by far, is the strangest. Never in a million years would you ever thought that you'd be able to see the great Jung Wooyoung blush like a high school girl. It's honestly cute.

But not as cute as when he bit his lips to prevent his mouth from tearing due to the large grin that bloomed on his face once you gave him a nod, agreeing to him after leaving him nervous for a solid 5 minutes.

[firelxdykatara]

I really like hearing your thoughts on ships, so I was just wondering what you thought about the episode 'Seeing Red' from Buffy as a Spuffy shipper. I love the ship too and remember being so uncomfortable watching that episode. It felt like it came out of no where while I was marathoning the show

Ok so, I’ve been sitting with this for a while (my inbox is telling me it’s been 10 days......time plz stop moving without me noticing), mostly because it’s... a really Touchy topic, for a lot of (very obvious, to anyone familiar with the episode or the arc) reasons.

CW for discussion of attempted sexual assault and rape ahead. (I’m gonna talk a bit about Willow too.)

First of all, I wanna state that I understand why Seeing Red was a ‘point of no return’ for many people. There are a lot of people for whom sexual assault/rape is The Thing they simply cannot get past and they could never see Spike or Spuffy the same again, and that’s valid and understandable. For me, personally, I don’t consider it any more or less reprehensible than murder or anything else vampires and demons get up to in the show because they’re monsters and very specifically Not Human, but at the same time it felt gratuitous and unnecessary (like the writers were trying to remind us Spike was really evil right before he went to get his soul back of his own accord, and I’ll talk a bit more about that later), and the episode itself is difficult to watch. (Also because it includes Tara’s death, which wrecks me to this day.)

It’s also been a very long time since I’ve seen the episode in question, mostly because I haven’t done a full rewatch in years, and when I do watch Buffy it’s either starting from the beginning and then losing track of where i was and starting over again, or else jumping to random episodes throughout the show which I enjoy and watching those by themselves (and Seeing Red is very much not on that list lol). So I rewatched it just to refresh my memory and....god there are a lot of other reasons I don’t care for this episode. (Xander was exceptionally horrific to Buffy re: finding out she was sleeping with Spike. Gods I dislike him more and more the older I get.)

In general, it’s just a really hard episode to watch. (And I’ll never forgive Joss for finally putting Amber Benson in the opening credits, only to kill her that same episode.) There’s a lot of ugliness, and the Trio are among the worst villains in the show--not in terms of how they’re written (they feel kind of terrifyingly realistic, although they also seem kind of exceptionally meta in light of how much has come out in the last decade about Joss Whedon’s own attitudes and behavior and treatment of women), but because every other big bad with very few exceptions has the excuse of being a soulless vampire or a demon or a hellgod or some other monster that can’t really help the fact that they were made that way. The Trio are just normal dudes who think they’re entitled to women and money and power and are willing to do absolutely anything to get all three, proving that maybe it isn’t really the presence or absence of a soul that actually makes humans, like, humane.

But that’s me side-tracking. As far as Spuffy goes, yeah, this episode is pretty brutal. There’s no mincing words here--Spike attempted to rape Buffy, and he only stopped and had his ‘oh my god, what have I done’ realization after she managed to kick him off. If she hadn’t, he probably wouldn’t have stopped. And I can almost understand it, from a writing perspective--how do you make a soulless vampire realize that he’s truly a monster and, further, how do you finally get him to want to change that? Make him cross a line he never had before. Except... that really wasn’t necessary. Not for his character arc, nor for his relationship with Buffy, and a part of me thinks that it was really intennded to just drive home the message that Spike was a monster, and that Buffy could never really love him, and the easiest way to communicate that was sexual violence, something that the show never really had its vampires engage in previously. So it would be a shock to the audience, it would throw Spike’s motives into question when he went to get his soul back, and it would make his presence in season 7 a constant question, plus provide a reason for Buffy not to trust him.

I think all of this could have been achieved without the sexual violence. I think the scene was largely done for shock value--again, to douse the audience with ice water and remind them that Spike, no matter how chummy he’d seemed with the Scoobies since getting chipped and eventually working with them, was still a monster. But we really didn’t need that reminder, and I think it would’ve made more sense for him to simply attempt to kill her--still a betrayal, still shocking, still something that could spur him into the actions he would take afterwards (going to get his soul restored), but without the exceedingly uncomfortable attempted rape scene in a season where there had already been serious issues with consent.

I’m talking, specifically, about Willow.

There’s something interesting I’ve noticed in fandom, and it’s that people really don’t seem to want to talk about or acknowledge the fact that Willow raped Tara. Maybe because it was via magic, rather than violence--or because it was never really called what it actually was in the narrative, or because they’re The Gay Ship of btvs, I don’t know. But she did--when she spelled Tara to forget about their serious fight which had been building for weeks, and then went to bed with her. And then explicitly had sex with her the next day. It’s part of why I’ve always had a complicated relationship with “Under Your Spell”--I love the song, but it’s also literally spelling out the fact that Tara’s mind had been violated by the woman she loved and she could not consent to sex while under the spell.

So that moment was already toeing the line in terms of consent and at least Tara was able to talk about how Willow violated her mind and how that made her feel (in song, at that), but Seeing Red was like a slap in the face. Where Willow’s magic addiction and willingness to cross those lines had been building for more than a year, Spike attempting to rape Buffy came out of nowhere. This isn’t a show that explored any really complicated relationship between vampires and consent (in The Vampire Diaries, for example, vampires have an ability called compulsion and compelling humans that they then have sex with is pretty normal and no one really blinks about it, human or vampire; it’s definitely still rape, but it’s not treated as anything particularly beyond the pale, because they’re vampires who can control the minds of their prey and don’t tend to consider the feelings of their food sources to be of any real importance), and while the vampires are hot and have sex, there’s never been any indication that they sexually assault humans in addition to feeding on them.

I think that specific scene in Seeing Red is the hardest to watch in the entire show. There’s really nothing like it in any other episode or with any other villain, and it has a tendency to sit in the back of the mind and sour feelings about Spike and Spuffy because it’s genuinely difficult to forget. I’m not sure if the intention was really to turn people off Spuffy (especially since he got his soul and came back in season 7 and Buffy forgave him and fell in love with him), but that was certainly the effect it had on a lot of people.

For me, personally, like I’ve said I don’t like the scene and I don’t think it was necessary, which is why I tend to ignore it as much as possible when I’m thinking about Spike and Buffy and their relationship. It’s a thing I know that happened, but I also know that I don’t think it was particularly fitting from a character perspective, and that makes it easy for me to file it away as sloppy writing and generally OOC, and move on. Again, I can definitely understand why some people can’t or don’t want to do that, but I also know that a lot of people continue to love Spike and Spuffy and I don’t think I’m alone in considering that moment to be OOC for him and generally try to ignore it in my meta and other analysis of the show.

[redxblueihateloveyou]

Actually i don't get Reki at all. Like even in the first ep he was worse even than Shadow and i'm not talking abt Cherry, Joe and Adam. And he was ok and loved skating. But like... if your friend is better than you, then you get depressed and making your friend feel guilty abt you not being good enough? I didn't even ship Reki and Langa, they are just giving me only friendship vibes, but i'm still sad, wtf writers did with his character?

Yeah, same. Like, sorry, I just don’t think Reki’s character can be redeemed for me personaly at this point.  

Like what should I even stand for in his character? I do not respect his life position at all. Like I dislike Makoto for being a shadow and not wanting anything in his life, but hey, at least he’s genuinely happy for Haru’s success. I adore Rin who never gave up and dove into the hardest challenge possible from the start to get on Haru’s level, cause he wanted to swim with him for the rest of his life and he got there. And then there’s this..  it’s like.. he loves to skate, but apparently not enough, cause his doesn’t want it, if he isn’t the best at it, so he’d rather... not skate at all? He wants to be as cool and on the same level with “naturally talented ones” and wants to compete with Langa, but he doesn’t want to do anything for it or search for his own unique style or smth to beat them in another way? And on top of that he’s also sad about seeing Langa succeeding? The whole thing is... like.. no, thank you?

Like are they really gonna go with the “you made me want to be great at this like you, but if only you are great at this, than screw both you and this?” lolz. Even if they will go with the psychological block bc of his friend’s injury, it’s gonna be lousy af now. It’s like is there even a route left which could make him look...ahem... presentable at this point? Idk.

I also was right about the fact that he’s the type who prolongs the whining instead of doing things, unlike some other characters who were in his position too; realistic maybe he is, but I don’t want it, honestly, like I see such things every day and I do not like it.

From what I’ve seen in the tag some are already trying to apply here like 50 mental disorders to excuse him and stuff like “it’s realistic” and at this point I’m honestly used to people on the internet using mental disorders not for spreading awareness, but bc they’re thinking it’s “trendy”, which is a cringe galore and shame on you. But it still makes me kinda sad all the time. Also there’s nothing unrealistic about not giving up and getting where you want, it’s just harder for, to say, “ordinary” people, that’s why most rarely choose this option (although it’s for you to decide if you’re ordinary or not, cause everyone can be extraordinary, you just need to find it in you). Anyways, drowning in a self pity is not the trait I’ve ever found appealing in people, along with the constant comparing yourself to others.

Sadly many prefer to use these excuses to get out of everything along with being lazy or jealous, esp the young generation. At this point, it’s like the same thing as with this other fandom. Like, sometimes when someone is trying to hit someone because he saw that he’s more talented than him, that just means that he’s an asshole, there’s no need to come up with ridiculous excuses to justify this and try to make him a hero. And sometimes ppl are just jealous, as simple as that. And no, not everyone is like that. At this point ppl on social media are like... fuck your hard-working characters, who are inspired by talent and do not give up on trying to prove yourself even if the whole world is against them. Let’s promote being emo and how it’s okay to spend your life on walking around telling everyone how you’re a useless trash, like this will help you in life.

Also if seeing someone succeed, esp your best friend, makes you sad, might want to reconsider the way of living your life. Just saying.

Also since when you have to be the best just to enjoy doing what you love doing? I’m like... personaly I do not get it. Looking at my vids 10 years ago they look like utter trash, but I tried and tried and yeah, I might not reach some levels of mega talented ppl, but hey, I’m still trying and searching for stuff I can improve all the time and watch talented ppl tutorials like “holy fuck, you can do that?”.

But hey, at least he doesn’t want to only make boards, he wants to compete... (or does he? I’m honestly not sure at this point lol)... I mean, there’s... that. but I thought, when he’s gonna realize it, he’s gonna be back on track, but n.o. xD back to self pity. ok then. Some go like “its only been 3 episodes” and I’m like “this... ain’t a 24 episodes anime tho..(?)”.

So far I’m just confused about what are writers intentions with some characters are. Like the most interesting ones at least for me are technically a background for some reason idk. I was literally sad about the wasted amount of screentime on Reki being.. well, nothing new.

Sad part about this is that people like this also need a constant reassuring to the point of them just sucking your life out of you, too, so I honestly do not know how to deal with this life position. Ppl like this have a tendency to never be happy, so Langa would just have to run after him and feed him with compliments for the rest of his life to water his tiny self-esteem or say smth “don’t give up, don’t give up, fighting”? It’s like... well, ok. Friendship, yeah, but ship? Nah, not for me. Also I do not smell any huge romance there tbh, and from Reki’s side this is all just a mess tbh.

The saddest part was that he saw that Langa won after his yelling and he didn’t care for that. Like Rin was mopping bc he wanted to swim with Haru, so when he saw that Haru wanted to swim with him, too, that was it for him. And that’s the problem all the viewers who watched Free! got hit with while watching this. My DMs are literally all about “why do I not feel anything about them?” or “sometimes cute, but smth doesn’t hit me shipping wise”. Cause I think most expected for some reason that he would also put Langa first, but at the end, they’re not on the same track, bc their priorities are different.

I actually think it was just mistake for all of our Free! hommies including me to go at it from the wrong point of view and from the beginning expecting it shipping wise to be like that one other Utsumi’s work. I mean, she’s just a director there, not also on the storyboard or anything else. Should’ve gone watching it with a clear head. The main ship just does not hit any spots for me either. And my heart does not lie there at all. I do blame Free! for this, cause it’s like impossible to compare bc of those our scenes, I keep seeing, but at the same time, they do not hold up not to the dynamic, not to anything at this point. Like I do not know where they’re going with them, but this is just not my type of a ship in general and definitely not the one I can go crazy about. I honestly do not think 3 episodes can change that. It’s says a lot if at this point I do not even care much for their reconciliation, I’m like.. tell me about the seniors’ drama tho xD So I’ll stick with my side ships.

Also, unrelated to the question, but did Adam seriously just went and hit Cherry with a board in the face?!!!! (THE FUCK DUDE?) Like, this was definitely not how I thought this was gonna go. I also kinda felt like Cherry was in love with Adam in the past. All in all this was like a... strange episode, at this point I just feel sorry for my baby Langa, Joe and Cherry were very cute (esp at the end) and my god Cherry is hot, but like I also want something complex pls, so idk I’m  still waiting for the Adam/Tadashi shananigans.

At this point I’m like “I love watching this, but what am I watching?” haha supernatural skating soup opera it is then. 

Also I just love Langa my dude, my man. How he’s such a puppy in real life, but so freaking hot when he skates??!!! T_T 

[0000507]

Into the Spider-verse, but make it about the Umbrella Academy

Album challenge: Umbrella Academy Edition, i.e. I take a songlist and try and attribute each song to a character.

Song lyrics and (my personal, probably inaccurate) character analysis under the cut. Fair warning, long ass post is long.

So I’m starting this challenge with the Spider-Man: Into the Spider-verse album because I’ve been listening to it (a lot) lately.

01. What’s Up Danger by Blackway & Black Caviar is, to me, very much a Five song. Like, just check out these lyrics:

Ayy, gettin' old, they doubted us Makes it that more marvelous … Two-hundred miles-per-hour wit' a blindfold on (on) Mama always askin', "Where did I go wrong?" (wrong) What's up, danger? Ah, what's up, danger? Traveled two-hundred miles, I'm knockin' at your door And I don't really care if you ain't done wrong, come on What's up, danger? (Danger) D-don't be a stranger (stranger) I like it when trouble brews, I won't dare change I like it when there's turbulence on my airplanes I like it when I sense things I can't see yet Swimmin' with sharks when they ain't feed yet 'Cause I like high chances that I might lose I like it all on the edge just like you, ayy I like tall buildings so I can leap off of 'em I go hard wit' it no matter how dark it is If I'm crazy, I'm on my own If I'm waitin', it's on my throne If I sound lazy, just ignore my tone 'Cause I'm always gonna answer when you call my phone Like, what's up, danger? (Danger) Like, what's up, danger? Can't stop me now I said, "I got you now" I'm right here at your door I won't leave, I want more What's up, danger?

02. Next up we have Sunflower by Post Malone & Swae Lee which, to be honest, gives me such heavy Vanya vibes I can’t even. More so due to the song itself than the lyrics, but they’re still pretty accurate. That smooth af sound, tho.

Give me a reason to (to, to) Oh, every time I'm walkin' out (ayy) I can hear you tellin' me to turn around Fightin' for my trust and you won't back down Even if we gotta risk it all right now, oh (now) I know you're scared of the unknown (known) You don't wanna be alone (alone) I know I always come and go (and go) But it's out of my control And you'll be left in the dust Unless I stuck by ya

03. Next we have Way Up by Jaden Smith, which, despite being a boppin’ song, really didn’t remind me of anyone in particular until I really sat down and read the lyrics. So I’m going to attribute this one (tentatively) to all of the seven, though I’m leaning a little heavier towards Luther than the rest. 

I went from boy to a man, wow (man) Opposition had to stand down Man I had to make a perfect plan, now I'm on the wave (Wave, wave, wave) I had to fight for the city (for the city) I had to fight for the people (for the people) You gotta do what all leaders do (go) Everyone here, we believe in you (yeah) Know you can be a hero 'cause we seen you do it (woo) And this is the time that we needin' you (you) Everyone is here to see you move (move) Winnin', we winnin', we winnin' (we winnin') We put a world on a wave (wave) And every time you swinging through the city You are the saving the day (let's go) ... We had to fight for the town (town) Now there's no villains allowed ('lowed) Everyone cheer in the crowd But I'm still way up, I'm over the clouds (clouds) We had to fight for the city (city) Competition was lethal (lethal) Honestly it's no biggie (biggie) I had to do what all leaders do ... They always hate on us, but they can't do it without us Yeah-yeah, yeah-yeah, we out here cleanin' the streets (streets) We don't accept the defeat ('feat) We keep on going until we win (win) Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, all of 'em weak in the knees (knees) Deer in headlights when they freeze (freeze) But we keep on going until we win

04. Familia by Nicki Minaj & Anuel AA ft. Bantu is, without a single doubt, representative of all of the Hargreeves siblings. Full stop.

Father, father, unforgivable This is my house, you made it personal It's always trouble when they go too far Nobody mess with my familia Father, father, could you bless his soul? He talking crazy, I may lose control

05. The lyrics don’t necessarily fit in some places, but the general tone and feel of Invincible by Amine still makes it a Luther song in my book.

I wanna, I wanna fly right now I wanna see all my homies get down I wanna feel like I can't come down I got a dream so I can't stop now I gotta stop feeling invisible And start feeling invincible Hate feeling impossible The hardest thing is believing in your dreams Stop feeling invisible And start feeling invincible Hate feeling impossible The hardest thing is believing in your dreams I feel like a stranger to myself And sometimes that feels dangerous But I'll bet you'll see me For who I truly am, maybe not if it wasn't bland Some days I look in mirrors and I wonder who's that man

06. Start a Riot by DUCKWRTH & Shaboozey is Diego’s official anthem don’t @ me. The dude probably blasts this when he’s taking down bad guys. A bit of shade, a bit of bass, I can fully see Diego rocking to this song. 

When I say, "Brooklyn, stand up" (stand up) You better just fix your posture And every hero needs his theme song So, who in here tryna You ain't got a chance, boy What you think? (Huh?) I thrown in everything but the kitchen sink (yeah) I try to be friendly in the neighborhood (okay) I know all the little grannies wanna sip they tea (yeah) And here you come, all barging in (huh?) All ugly like a brown fur cardigan We receive the monologue and the arguing I'm like who in here tryna start a riot? … If you bump that action, it don't matter Just let me know, oh, know Make way (make way) I'm comin' through With my crew to make 'em pay I don't need no super suit I'm feelin' brave Don't be a hero Turn around and walk away … Every day is like a sticky situation When evil's looking for a chance (for a chance, ooh) And I know we are the newest generation (newest, newest) We got the power in our hands

07. Hide by Juice WRLD ft. Seezyn is, for me, all about Allison and how having and losing Claire changed her as a person. This is a more sorrowful song, but I still think it fits her. Slow, more laid back, but still heartfelt.

She made me leave the thrills at home And I'm fine with it She really made me lose control I'ma let my love unfold We're just two lost souls But we're fine with it There's love at my front door, short notice You're not like the same girls I notice Think I met my soul mate Yeah, I know it When it gets dark outside In you I confide You help me face my demons I won't hide, hide Girls like you are hard to find I hope you don't mind If I give you the time of your life … Life is not the same With your pictures in my frame Now that you're here I want nothing to change You pick me up when I'm down I need you around You seen me through my darkest times Girl, is there something that you try to find? You brought meaning to my life All because of you, I do right Because of you, I have a purpose Fight for the world, because you're worth it

08. Oof, this next song. Despite having a nice little lo-fi beat and a lighter sound going on, in the context of his experiences I really do think that Memories by Thutmose personifies Ben (both the Umbrella and Sparrow versions) and, to an extension, Klaus (seeing as dead!Ben can only interact with the world through him). 

My memories came back In the form of someone else … Memories It's gon' take some getting used to Memories Feel the pain when it hits you Memories Don't you ever let them fool you Don't you ever let them fool you 'Cause I know that you know that it ain't true I learned the hard way about trust About us, about us You sin and be on your high horse We're not so stable anymore What's left if I give you my all?

09. Save The Day by Ski Mask The Slump God & Jacquees ft. Coi Leray & lougotcash was a tough one, because the sound really didn’t fit in with anyone and I wasn’t really feeling it in regards to the group at large, but then I started digging into the lyrics and...

I pull up and save the day Don't want any problems, I'll be a call away I'm ready for action, fly without a cape I'm one of those ones, they'll never beat me

Okay, fair enough, this one can go into the “All” category. But, y’all, when I tell you I felt my soul ascend when I read this line:

You could still be adopted even though you a sibling

I am positive this song represent all of the siblings, now.

10. It’s time for the angst track, everybody. And let me tell you that Let Go by Beau Young Prince has the reverb, the tone, and the soul crushing lyrics for the job. It’s universal angst, too, because this could honestly apply to any of the seven.

Sometimes I don't really know myself Devil on my back, pray for me, need help Angel in the front tryna guide my steps Who do you call when you need some help? Who do you call when you by yourself? Who do you call when you feel down low? I just wanna scream, I just wanna explode … Violence in the streets, I just wanna calm the beast All these problems I'm just fightin' with myself are enemies Looking for my peace while I'm (Looking for my peace while I'm) I just wanna swing and fly away (fly away) I just wanna see a better day (yeah) I just wanna soar and never drown (never drown) I'm looking for my happiness now (now) I just wanna swing and fly away (fly away) I just wanna see a better day (a better day) I just wanna soar and never drown (drown) I'm looking for my happiness now, yeah

11. Scared of the Dark by Lil Wayne & Ty Dolla $ign ft XXXTENACION is one of those tracks that immediately hooks you, pulls you in, and then sucker punches you in the feelings. With that in mind, in both a literal and figurative sense, this song is all about Klaus.

I'm not scared of the dark I'm not running, running, running No, I'm not afraid of the fall I'm not scared, not at all Why would a star, a star ever be afraid of the dark? I'm not scared I'm not scared, even from the start I'm not scared of the dark Of the dark, mmm Tunechi I ain't never scared and I ain't never horrified I just look down at my Rolex, it said it's the darkest times I ain't never terrified, I ain't never petrified You know I see dead people, I just tell 'em, "Get a life" I ain't never scurred, I'm not sure if that's a word, but I mean every word, feelin' like, "Do not disturb, " wait … You know I can read your mind like I'm the author There's a line for tomorrow and that line's gettin' shorter I'm behind the trigger, what if I am the target? Deep sigh, a sayōnara, I ain't afraid to die It's either goodbye or good mornin', and the skies start to fallin' And I'ma shine in the darkness

12. Elevate by DJ Khalil ft. Denzel Curry, YBN Cordae, SwaVay & Trevor Rich has that kind of upbeat tone, can-do attitude, and fun tempo that immediately makes me want to see a scene where the Hargreeves siblings fight a bunch of baddies (together) to this song.

No millimeter, this is my arena I'm the black widow with a bad stinger And I'll make you scream like a bad singer I'm everything that you wanna be plus more Since there's no heroes anymore Jump out the window, then put the mask on Who the bad man that a man gotta bash on? … They will slander me, I just plan to be Somethin' powerful for my family Tried to balance life and my sanity Show a different side of humanity So amazin', keep appraisin' Save you from a home invasion Chasin' robbers from the bank … When the light shine, I go python I've fallen, on my last lifeline There's no way in my right mind My city up on my back tight How can I possibly act right? I'm Robin Hood, I'm the Black Knight I know you heard 'bout my last fight 'Cause I win, over and over again Battlin' evil, I'm hopin' to win Fightin' my demons, I'm nice for a reason Enticed with the bleedin', I'm showin' my sins How can you expect me to stay sane? Protect me My technique go X speed on high waves and jet skis I jump off this building to save these civilians My strength and my honor is trusted by children I'm ready and willing to fight all these villains No chaos or killings, my style is so brilliant … I may have lost the battle but I will not lose the war I can promise you I will not lose this time

13. And finally, Home by Vince Staples has a soulful kind of sound to it that, combined with the lyrics, reminds me that Five will quite literally do anything, endure anything, kill anything, to get back to and protect his family. It also has a kind of epic choral-esque start and finish to it that felt really nice to listen to.

This morning I woke up in a fortress of distortion I'm at war with my emotions, I'm at war with they enforcement Tryna fight for what's right and got sidetracked Where your mind at? Never mind that Can we think in a blink, you swimmin', you sinkin' You win, you leavin' a head where I've loaded my weapon I stay with my brethren, I pay for protection My prey in my sight so I'm doing what's right and not askin' no questions I wanna be home free Where's one that was lonely? But I'm ready and waitin' For my day of salvation, and I'm patient I'm coming home now I'm coming home … Right where I belong now Right where I belong They looking for saviors, I'm looking for safety They never gon' break me, take me Down on my knees, believe I'm never gon' beg or plead Yeah, I never say never, but I guarantee Gather my strength, goin' hard in the paint Paint you a picture, it's put on display I'm gonna get, they don't give then I take Can't take me down now My feet on the ground now Fight 'til I'm down now Say it out loud now Say it out loud, are you ready for war?

And there you have it. If anyone has any suggestions or questions about this challenge feel free to wander into my ask box.

- 57

[desdinovas]

storytime - part 3

Summary: in which telling your children about your relationship development with your husband each night before they go to sleep turns into a habit

Pairing: Tom Holland x Female Reader

Warnings: just good ol fluff

Word Count: 1,908

Notes: seriously doubting about having a taglist, would anyone want to be tagged on this? lol anyways enjoy

part one || part two || part four || part five || part six

“What happened next?” Eli asks as he hands you his empty plate for you to place it over the little coffee table sitting in front of you.

“They lived happily ever after, right mummy?” Liz asks you with sparkling eyes.

“Not quite yet, sweetie.” You laugh. “Life had a lot of other things coming for them.”

“Ooh, darling!” Tom exclaims excitedly as an idea comes to his mind. “Why don’t you tell them the story about that night I love so much. You know, when they came back from that party.”

“Okay,” you agree and Eli sits on your lap, snuggling into your chest. Wrapping your arms around him, you continue. “So it had been about two months since the boy asked the girl to be his girlfriend,” as soon as the words leave your mouth, you notice Liz smiling widely. “And one night they were invited to a party over one of the boy’s co-stars.”

“Can we go now, darling?” Tom asked for the millionth time that evening as he wrapped his arms around your body and buried his face in the crook of your neck.

“We literally just got here, Tom.” You pointed out with a little laugh. “Besides, it’s your friend’s party, so unless you want to be a complete ass to him, I’d suggest we stay for a while.”

“But I’m so tired, I just wanna cuddle with you.” He whined, leaving a light kiss on your neck.

“I did not spend almost an hour doing my makeup for us to stay here half that time.” You said with a more firm tone.

“Fine,” Tom groaned. “I still don’t get why you put all that crap on your face.” He said as he left your neck to look you in the eyes.

“Because I think I need it, and it makes me feel pretty.” You playfully said as you bopped his nose.

“Well, you definitely don’t need it.” Tom argued, lacing his fingers with yours. “And you’re already pretty by nature.”

“Thank you, Mr. Compliments,” you teased and went to kiss his cheek. “But if you think that will make me change my mind about staying, you’re wrong.”

“You’re annoying.” Tom heavily sighed, faking exasperation. “But I meant what I said.”

“Well then, thank you, pretty boy.” A wide smile spread across Tom’s face as soon as the pet name left your lips.

You found yourself getting lost looking into his eyes. You could stare at them for hours and not get tired. It felt like when you looked at him, everything else just disappeared, it just didn’t matter. Even now, when the two of you were surrounded by dozens of sweaty bodies dancing around to awfully loud music, you still felt like everything vanished. That it was just the two of you standing in the room.

You still hadn’t said the L word to each other. Neither of you dared to. Just the thought of it was enough for you to be totally afraid of saying it. What if he didn’t feel the same way? Sure, he’d asked you to be his girlfriend after all but, was it too rushed? Did you develop feelings for him too soon? If you told him what you felt about him, would it freak him out?

Of course, the two of you have had the best time with each other so far. It was always fun to be around him and you never seemed to get bored. But as the time you spent with him grew, so did your feelings.

But then again, what if he wants to do things slow? After all, he did wait until you had went on various dates and fully got to know each other before he asked you to be his girlfriend. You had absolutely no problem with going slow and enjoy every moment you shared with him, but you couldn’t ignore the feelings you’ve developed towards him.

“Whatcha thinking, darling?” Tom asked you with a funny look on his face. Which he had the total right to, as you’ve probably been looking into his eyes for far too long now.

“Nothing,” you shook your head, trying to get rid of your thoughts. “I was just looking at your eyes. Did I ever tell you how pretty they are?”

“I don’t think you-“

“Tom!” Someone yelled through the loud music. Turning around, you saw Jacob walking toward the two of you. You had never formally met him, since you never got the chance to. But Tom made sure to tell you about him and how the two of them had become such great friends after shooting for Homecoming.

“Hey, man!” Tom exclaimed, gently letting go of your hands to hug his friend. “What’s up?”

“I’m great,” he smiled and then his eyes fell on you. After a few seconds, realisation hit him. “I’m guessing this is (Y/N)?”

“That would be her, yes.” Tom smiled adoringly down at you before wrapping an arm around your waist, pulling you closer to his body. “This is my girl.” He smiled proudly at him and you tried your hardest not to blush.

“Hi,” you gave Jacob a sweet smile.

“Hello, (Y/N).” He smiled back. “Tom’s told me a lot about you.”

“Has he?” You asked with raised brows as you turned to look at Tom, teasingly smiling at him.

“A little bit, yeah.” He shrugged.

Jacob scoffed. “A little bit? The dude wouldn’t shut up about you.”

“How about you shut up now?” Tom blurt out, a light shade of pink appearing on his cheeks.

You chuckled. “It’s nice to finally meet you, Jacob.”

“Same goes to you,” Jacob smiled and turned to look at Tom. “Have you seen Harrison? I’ve been looking for him everywhere.”

“Sorry mate, I haven’t.” Tom answered and his friend shrugged before excusing himself and leaving the two of you alone again.

“So you’ve been talking to your friends about me, huh?” You teasingly asked with a wide smile spread across your face as you wrapped your arms around his neck.

“Shut up,” Tom replied as his arms found their way to your waist, pulling you even closer to him. “How could I not talk about you, though?” He asked with a raised eyebrow. “You’re the most beautiful girl that’s ever walked the earth, anyone would die to be able to ramble about how you’re their girlfriend.”

You tried your best to hide your blush with your hair, but it was completely useless. “You’re being a little too cheesy, is this how you get when you don’t wanna be somewhere?” You teased, placing both your hands on his cheeks.

“Seriously though, can we go now?” Tom replied— more like whined. Chuckling, you nodded your head and pecked his lips.

Taking your hand in his, he guided you outside of the ridiculously big house where the party was being held. Tom opened the car door for you, obviously, before getting into it himself and starting the drive home. He had begged for you to stay the night at his house and you eventually gave in. He was good with the puppy face.

“Tom!” You said once you were settled in his sofa as realisation hit you. He jumped on his seat, clearly not expecting your outburst. “We forgot to stop by my house so I could get my clothes.”

Seeming to relax, Tom sighed and laughed a little, finding it cute that you got so stressed about something so little. He got up from his place beside you on the couch and you found yourself immediately wanting him back so he could keep you warm. You saw him getting into his room and exiting it a few seconds later with something in his hands.

“Here,” he said as he gave you one of his favourite t-shirts. “You can wear this.”

“Thank you,” you stood up and pecked his lips before heading to the bathroom to get changed into his clothes.

The shirt was indeed too big for you, as it reached down to your thighs. But it was unbelievably comfortable, so you decided that if Tom ever wanted it back, he’d have to fight for it.

Getting out of the bathroom, you noticed Tom lying on his bed and scrolling through his phone— probably his instagram feed, and wearing nothing but some gray sweatpants. Your eyes went up and down multiple times as you admired his amazing body structure, hoping he wouldn’t notice. But of course, the universe just wanted you to suffer.

“Are you quite done staring, love?” Tom teased with a smirk plastered on his lips, his eyes never leaving his phone screen.

“Not yet,” you teased back. “This is some really great sight.” You said, hoping your voice sounded somewhat confident.

His eyes finally met yours and he felt his insides turn at the sight of you wearing his clothes. He left his phone beside him and stood up so he was right in front of you. “You look really good in my clothes.”

“And you look really good in sweats.” You replied wrapping your arms around his waist and leaning your head up due to the height difference.

Tom smiled down at you and cupped your cheeks with both his hands before placing a kiss on your lips. Your arms tightened around his body and you stood on your tip toes to have better access to his lips. One of his hands slowly moved from your cheek to the back of your neck, gently tugging at your hair. Slightly pulling away, he kissed your cheek before joining your foreheads.

“I-“ he panted, both your and his eyes still closed. “I love you.”

Your eyes immediately opened, not believing what you just heard. You felt your stomach flip at the sound of those words coming out of his mouth. Your heart was beating so fast you felt it could leave your chest in any second.

“I love you, too.” You whispered back, and you couldn’t believe how good it felt to finally say it.

Tom smiled widely as he stroked your right cheek. “You do?”

“Of course I do, silly.”

He sighed in relief, clearly exaggerating and you playfully rolled your eyes at him, tickling his sides. “Well, there goes the romance.” Tom managed to say in between laughs.

“Shut up,” you answered and he broke free from your hands, swiftly moving behind you and hugging your waist.

He slowly rocked the two of you back and forth and then placed a long kiss on your cheek. “I love you, darling.”

“They’ve been dating for two months and are just now realising they love each other?” Liz asks with furrowed eyebrows.

Tom laughs at her innocence. “It’s not that easy, princess.” He says as he strokes her hair. “Loving someone is kind of a big deal.”

“No, it’s not.” Liz protests, making you laugh quietly.

“Whatever,” Eli says, trying to stop his sister from speaking nonsense, even though he clearly doesn’t know anything about love either. “What happened after that?”

“Yeah, mummy, what happened next?” Elizabeth asks, eager to know more about the story.

“It’s too late, and you two have to go to sleep.”

“But mummy!” Your children protest in unison.

“Your mum is right, kids.” Tom interrupts. “You got two stories in one night, anyway.” He says, trying to make them look at the bright side.

Liz sighs defeatedly. “Fine.”

“Come on, let’s go to bed.”

[frejahertziswritingthistime]

An Education  Chapter 5

A/N: I’m so happy with all the positive response I’m getting for this series! I’m so in love with this story, and all of your comments, replies, reblogs and likes means the world to me. Again, a enormous huge to @redeyedvixen, who’s truly an amazing friend – even when I send her snaps of me singing a lullaby, which was meant for my boyfriend. I love you!   And a big shout-out to my lovely @trustnobodyshootfirst, who’s been a loyal follower of all of my stories; your comments really mean the world to me!

Remember, I always say yes to requests and feedback feeds the writer!

MOBILE MASTERLIST

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Missed something?

An education masterlist

Summary: You’ve had a crush on Dean for a few years, and during a drunken night, you accidentally let it slip that you have a crush on a person, Dean knows. Dean sets out to figure out on who it is.

Pairings: Dean x reader

Warnings. Language, mentions of wounds and blood, angsty angst (I’m so sorry)

Chapter 5 Overheard conversations part two

June

I was rudely awakened by a loud laugh booming from behind me. I cracked my left eye open and my head slowly woke up – I was in a tangle of limbs, Dean’s long legs and arms covering every inch of me. I stretched my neck a little and saw Dean slowly waking up as well – his hair sticking out in odd angles, a few tufts standing straight up. I giggled. “Get lost, Sam. 5 more minutes.” He grumbled, still with closed eyes, and Sam laughed again. I realized my arm was asleep, and I tried to pull it out from under Dean (how did it even get there?), but he was not having it – he groaned and one of his arms tightened the grip on me. “Dude, my arm is asleep. It’ll fall off, if you keep your big body on it.” He still didn’t open his eyes, but thankfully rolled off my arm, and I pulled it to me. I rolled over and looked at Sam, who was staring at us with the biggest shit-eating grin, I had ever seen. “What?” I grumbled, a little cranky about the fact that I had to indulge in conversation before my coffee. “What… Uhm… Did I miss something last night, Y/N?” Sam said with that goddamn grin plastered on his face. “I was cold.” I grumbled angrily, trying to sit up, which resulted in me tilting straight out of the bed – Dean was massive, and I had (somehow) slept in barely an inch of the bed. I groaned as my ass hit the hard motel-floor, and I glared at Sam. “Stop that.” He mashed his lips together. “I didn’t do anything.” He said with barely concealed laughter. I glared harder at him. “I could hear practically hear you mind-laughing.” I grumbled as I stood up, brushing my butt off from whatever filth was on the carpet. “I’m gonna change. Someone better get me coffee!” I said loudly, as I dashed into the bathroom with my duffel-bag slung over my shoulder.

Once inside the bathroom with the door locked, I exhaled hard. My head was swimming a bit, as I thought back to the night – I had slept next to Dean friggin’ Winchester, cuddling with him, and it was the best goddamn sleep I’ve ever had. Damn. We definitely crossed a boundary last night. We might be close, but we’ve never been that close, and I had to admit it to myself: I was hopelessly in love with Dean Winchester. Completely head-over-heels in love with that man – the man, who was my best friend and currently under the impression I was crushing on some no-name hunter. I groaned in annoyance; why on Chuck’s green earth had I decided it was a good idea to lie to him? Well, a small voice in the back of my head said, you didn’t really lie, just omitted a part of the truth. That’s right. He jumped to conclusions, I just didn’t correct those conclusions.

I turned on the shower, quickly stripping down as steam filled the small bathroom, and stepped under the hot water, a small moan escaping my lips. Thank god for the water-pressure being good. I quickly lathered my body with the no-descript soap, I had bought for travels, and washed my body down – I don’t know why, but I always feel dirty in motels. Besides, I had been very warm during the night, and a little sweat had been in a thin sheen on my body, when I woke up. I quickly washed my hair, savoring the feeling of the hot water against my scalp, and I grudgingly turned the water off and stepped out. Thoughts of Dean swirled in my mind. It wasn’t the first time, I had been cold in a motel-room, but normally he would just give me the best or warmest blanket, and call it a night – I had no idea, what drove him to ask me to… Well, cuddle. As I dried my hair with the tiny towel provided by the motel, I remembered that he’d said something right before I drifted off to sleep. I couldn’t remember what he said, and it drove me mad – my brain hurt, as I tried my hardest to remember, but nothing came up. It was fuzzy. I did remember the feeling of his lips on my forehead, warm and soft, and a slight shiver ran through me – that was definitely new. I ran on autopilot as I got dressed, swiped some mascara and concealer on (I looked like death) and sighed. That’s the best I could do.

As I stepped out of the bathroom, a cup of coffee was shoved in my face by a very large hand. I took it and looked up at Sam, who still grinned like a maniac. “Thanks.” I grumbled, and I went to the table in the middle of the room, where Dean already sat, bleary-eyed and with his hair still sticking out at odd angles. He smiled a sleepy smile at me and turned his eyes towards the case-file again. “Alright, lovebirds, I’m taking a shower. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do!” Sam said happily. I glared at him until he closed the bathroom door, and I heard the “click” of the lock. I glanced at Dean. “I can feel your eyes on me, y’know.” He mumbled and looked up at me, a teasing glint in his eyes. I sighed. “Listen…” He held a hand up to stop me, and I clamped my mouth shut. “I know, you’re in love with someone, so don’t worry. It didn’t mean anything.” He barked. Was he… Angry? I scanned his face, and saw the small jaw-clench, that meant his annoyance was at its peak. I nodded slowly. “Okay, well… Fine then.” I said defeatedly. I wasn’t the one to bring it up if he didn’t want to talk about it. He groaned and rolled his eyes, then looked at me harshly. “Y/N, I’m not really in the mood for this, okay? Don’t play the pissy-card. You were cold, I was warm, it was a great balance, okay? Tell your boyfriend that it didn’t mean anything, hell, don’t tell him it even happened, if that makes it better.” He scowled. Wow, okay, I had not expected that. “Uhm… I just wanted to thank you for keeping me warm, Dean.” I said sadly – of course, I had intended to ask what the hell he had whispered last night, and why he had kissed my forehead, but that wasn’t happening now. His eyes softened a bit. “You’re welcome.” He grumbled.

We sat in silence, him staring at the case-file, not really reading it (his eyes didn’t move at all, I noticed) and me drinking my coffee. Sam came out of the bathroom and immediately felt the shift in the air. “What’s going on, guys?” He said with furrowed brows. Dean groaned. “Nothing, Sam. You better not have used up all the hot water.” He quipped as he made his way to the bathroom, slamming the door after him. Sam turned slowly on his heel and looked at me with confusion shining from his face. “What the hell was that about?” He asked me. I threw my hands up in frustration, before pulling my boots towards me, sliding my feet into them and zipping up the sides. “I honestly have no idea. I cam out of the bathroom, and he just… he was angry, Sam. I have no idea why.” I said with a loud huff. Sam rolled his eyes. “Come on, Y/N, you’ve got to be kidding me. You don’t..?” He grunted. “You two are literal kids.” He scolded as he threw his shoes on and grabbed his jacket. “We’ll wait for him to go, but I think I’ve figured out what’s going on.” He said sourly. I looked expectantly up at him. “I think we’re dealing with a demon. Angel-wards on bodies? It seems as though the demon is trying to protect something.” He said as he sat down across the table. I furrowed my brows. “Then what’s with the blood-draining and body-dumping?” I asked. He shrugged. “Blood-draining could be to throw us off his scent. I don’t know, but it’s only been one body, that’s been found, Y/N. The others are still missing.” He said puzzled. “I don’t know why, though.” My head snapped towards the bathroom door, as it opened, and Dean stomped out. “Me neither. Let’s go figure it out.” I asserted as I stood up.

  It had been a very, very bad idea to go figure it out. I was currently tied up to a metal-bar somewhere in a barn, and I could hear Dean struggling somewhere outside, and Sam’s loud grunts as they hacked and slashed at the minions surrounding the place.

We had found the barn, when we checked around the town, and we had decided to go straight for it – it seemed as if there was only one demon to deal with, when taking the time of the disappearances into account. We had stacked the car with demon-be-gone-stuff and set off to the outskirts of the town. We had moved quietly along the field, trying to scout the place out, and I had stupidly told the boys we should split up and meet behind the barn, so we could check a bigger area. They had stupidly agreed, and we had all gone our merry way – until a demon had grabbed a hold of me from behind, almost snapping my arms like twigs, and had tugged me into the barn, where he had strung me up like a marionette.

And that’s where I currently was: strung up, in an old, smelly barn, with a demon grinning madly at me, while the boys were outside fighting. If there was one thing I had learned, it was to keep the bad guys talking for as long as possible, so that’s what I did. “How many are you?” I grunted, my voice slightly constricted by the leather-belt around my throat. The demon grinned. “Too many for you.” He simply stated, moving a step closer to me. I rolled my eyes – they always had to be so cryptic. “And you kidnapped girls, marked them up – why?” I asked. I tried to move my hands around, see if I could grab a hold of the rope’s end, but to no avail. Damn it. “We needed them.” He said. Another step closer. My heart sped up – I heard a yelp of pain from outside. “No shit, but what for?” I asked through clenched teeth – it worried me, how close he suddenly was. “We needed them for safe-keeping.” He stated. “Safe-keeping?” I wondered out loud, my predicament forgotten for a split second. He nodded. “Safe… Oh, no. You’re kidding me.” I suddenly realized what he meant – the markings, the sigils, the placement of them “safe-keeping”; they had tried to breed. “Oh, yes…” He hissed. I could feel his breath on my face and I gagged slightly. “And then you came… A little gift for us.” He snarled. “I’m going to have so much fun with you, little one…” A shine of silver caught my eye. Shit. “Aw, buy a girl dinner first.” I hissed. He growled and played with the knife between his fingers. “You talk too much.” He simply said, before running the sharp blade across my stomach. I screamed in pain. My shirt got cut in half, dangling uselessly across my lower abdomen, blood coloring the white shirt red. The demon grinned again. I gasped for air. “A name of my torturer would be great.” I hissed. He was not going to kill me – at least not right now – and I used the moment to sass him a bit. It was probably a stupid idea, but I did it nonetheless – his eyes flared, and a grunt and a loud bang came from behind me; someone had been thrown against the siding of the barn. “Berith.” He simply stated. I rolled my eyes. “Seriously? One of the 72 demons of Solomon is torturing me right now?” He grinned wider. Then the breeding made sense. “The old demons need new blood?” I asked, my breathing coming out in bursts. He laughed. “Maybe.” He let the blade slide down my arm, and I screamed again – I thought I hear my name, but the pain of the knife boring into my skin took my focus away. “I’m going to have so much fun…” He snarled and made a quick, but deep cut in my stomach. I howled in pain, my body trying to curl in on itself, but I was tied by my hands hand feet, so it was useless. He continued his torture, my shirt becoming redder and redder by the second, and my voice was hoarse from screaming, until four loud crashes sounded against the door – Dean and Sam, I thought quietly, my eyes closing in gratitude. But the demon must have thought the same – with less gratitude – as he licked his fingers clean of my blood and stared at me. “Until next time, my sweet.” He grinned – and then, he stabbed the knife into the side of my ribs - all the way to the hilt - and pulled it out again in one, swift motion, before smoking out of the meat-suit he was currently wearing. I couldn’t even scream in pain. My breath had been knocked out of me, and I saw black spots appearing in front of my eyes. I think I’m dying, I thought to myself, it has been a good run. I closed my eyes, as a final crash came from the door, and the sound of splintering wood reached my ears. Dean’s voice was panicked. “SAM! SAM, GET IN HERE!” He shouted for his brother, as his shaking hands untied me from the bar, I had been hoisted up on, and he caught me around the waist, as my body fell limply into his arms – I had no control over my body anymore, and I could barely focus on Dean’s face hovering above me. “Dean… She’s...” Sam’s voice sounded fuzzy, as if he was talking with a mouth fool of wool. “I KNOW, SAM! Please, get the car. Sam, GO! He yelled. I could feel the ropes on my feet loosen, and I tried to smile. “Y/N, Y/N, stay with me, okay? Come on, you’ll be fine, baby, I promise.” His voice was shaking and could feel something wet and warm dripping down on my face, as he scooped me up and started half-walking, half-running with me in his arms, and I briefly wondered if it was blood or tears. I couldn’t see anything anymore, everything was blurry. It was cold. I heard a car racing towards us and then a door being slammed open – I felt my body jostle a bit, and then – leather and Dean’s warm hand was on my face and the other was on my ribs, trying to still the ebb of blood. “Baby, please, don’t do this. Don’t do this, I need you here.” His voice was fading, and I didn’t feel cold anymore – I didn’t feel anything, in fact, other than the continuous drips of warm wetness on my face. I forced my eyes open, and I found a pair of green eyes in the middle of all the blackening blurriness, and I heard Dean’s voice. “Please… Y/N, please, I love you.”

Well, that’s unexpected, a small voice in the back of my head said, before everything went black.    

 CHAPTER 6

TAG LIST: @killerunicorn3, @hobby27, @trustnobodyshootfirst, @mypage-myfandoms

FOREVERLIST: @redeyedvixen, @supernaturalmagicfolk      

(i love you all!)       

[lolbtsaus]

Pirate!Jungkook

So I have finally finished this series, took me like two three months bc I’ve been so fucking busy but I loved writing it so much so without further ado, it’s time for the second half of the Busan line, our sweetest lil bunny boy with the cutest smile, Jeon Jungkook aka kookie

BLA CK HAIR BLACK HAIR BLACK FUCKING HAIR

We all know that Jungkook loves himself some dark colored hair, he always goes back to it but normally he has that dark brown, he had the blonde hair for like two days and I loved it so fucking much still one of my favorites on him in all honesty

But typically he’s got this chocolate/dark brown hair that can sometimes look black but when he has the actual black hair oh my g o d

Just look at this shit it’s ridiculously nice (ight so this one may not be fully black bc there are a couple pictures that look like it could just be a dark brown but it’s close enough and it still makes my heart hurt)

Should one singular person every look that nice is my question bc Jungkook already is 1000000/10 good fucking shit but then you add in that lil forehead peek and the black hair and fucking just take my heart

Like you know the War of Hormone hair or the DNA hair that’s my everything, one of my favorite Jungkook looks to this day is that one log he made during the War of Hormone era (I looked it up, it’s the 141021 one) where he’s got a white shirt, a black bucket hat type of hat and then the black hair with the tiny forehead peek it’s so fucking good idk why I love it so much can a scientist explain it to me bc no hairdo should look that good on someone

Okay so for outfits here’s the thing

I have less links and more of a visual for this so I’m gonna link some other outfits and some moodboard type of things but the main outfit I think would be his white t-shirt black jeans look bc oh lord

This one is the one that’s just perfect in my mind bc look at that shit that’s just a really fucking good look on him like what happened to your precious lil bby who wore all red in the Harlem Shake video and was still pretty big but still lil and smol and we all wanted to just tuck him into our pockets to keep him safe and now bitch’s out here looking like a fucking man who would treat you r i gh t

Like honestly here what the hell happened what are they feeding this kid I fucking blinked and he’s all broad and shit he’s not fitting it anyone’s fucking pocket anymore

But some more ideas for pirate!kook are here, here, here, here, here part two and here (lol this is pretty much the same look as the first one)

A fighter

He runs the training for the hand to hand combat, while Jimin handles the fencing/sword fighting shit (I’m sure there’s a term for it but idk what it is)

I’ve said it about a million times and I will continue to say it bc I’m not over it but kookie is literally so fucking strong the dude was lifting up Jimin at the age of 15/16 in every No More Dream performance they had !!!!

Like why do isn’t this talked about all day the dude was a b a b y and he was lifting up another bby like it was no big deal

And he’s only gotten stronger since then, he doesn’t even stutter when someone decides he’s gonna give them a piggyback ride, he tossed Jimin over his shoulder like he was a fucking ragdoll, he carries these grown ass men around like they’re toddlers so I’m quite sure Jungkook would be strong enough to hold his own in a fight

He’s also incredibly fast which is helpful in a fight bc good luck getting any hits on that kid lol

He’s so smug after taking over a new ship and as he’s kicking all the old crew off of it, he’s just got this smirk on his face and he probably gets sarcastic and cocky and gives them a lil bow as they make their way to the escape boat bc tell me you can’t picture him pulling that shit

He’s smart, he’s fast, he’s strong, he’s got a loyal crew, he’s got a shit ton of ships, he’s pretty much indestructible

And he’s so young when he’s doing all of this so a lot of the other pirates don’t take him too seriously bc they think oh it’s just some kid with a big boat and a couple of wooden swords and he uses that to his advantage

He’s a competitor, he’s pretty damn competitive so it’s all one big game to him, how many ships can he get, how many captains can he piss off and how many crew members can he get

He loves adventure and I think that would be his base reason for becoming a pirate, he loves seeing new things and exploring and I think he would love being out on the sea, just in a ship with his best friends, exploring the world together

Dresses up as a pirate for Halloween and spends the entire night just giggling at his own joke

But you can bet your ass he’s still gonna give candy out to the lil kids who come onto the dock

He just sits on one of the posts with this giant ass bowl of candy that he gets some of his crew to refill whenever it’s nearly empty and probably eats half the bowl himself before the first kid even arrives 

But he sees another lil mini pirate and gives him his hat bc you know what the kid was super cute and so happy about getting an actual sized candy bar instead of the mini ones and he deserves an actual pirate’s hat

He gets so :D watching the lil kid skip away with their new hat

You two meet when he’s docked for a bit to pick up new supplies

You instantly recognize him bc you’d actually seen him before but you’d never talked to him so when you see him a second time, you take the chance and start up a conversation bc you already let him go without starting anything once, you don’t wanna do it again

He’s actually kinda shy?? and flustered that you’re talking to HIM out of all the people around him and it’s actually really cute to look back on once you know just how amazing of a pirate the dude actually is

The same man that’s never lost a battle, that laughs during fights, that just smiles and waves to his opponents after he’s won is now giving you lil shy smiles and acting all cute

He doesn’t tell anyone but you two spends the rest of his time there together and then, just a month later, he’s back bc he “ran out of supplies” again even though they rarely ever go to the same dock more than once or twice

The boys start getting suspicious when it’s their fifth time back there and kookie’s gone the entire time and comes back wearing your necklace around his neck, something he definitely didn’t have when they got there

He eventually tells them the truth, that the two of you have been together for a few months and that’s trying to build up a relationship before inviting you onto the ship with them bc he doesn’t wanna have you come onto the ship and realize you hate him or that you don’t get along

Plus he’s young and in love and one of the hardest things for a young, in love person to do is be away from their loved one so he may make an excuse here and there to spend more time docked and visit that dock much more often than they should

It’s around the sixth trip back that he decides to invite you to join him, after already having told you what it is he does and all of that and you saw yes to coming with him of course

He’s so smiley the entire first night you’re on the ship with him and he clears out a drawer for you and it’s basically like moving in with him you’re just on a ship and it’s just, he’s really really happy

[ramblingshit]

The Woman in Black - 1989 - 3/10

looks like the 1980s but with somewhat older-style outfits; exposition mutherfuckerrrrrr;

very slow, fluffy script; oh got the cut is just forward and back as they speak, now we’re close flipping forward and back when its their turn to speak i’m dying. exposition, telling other characters what the audience has already heard; each of these scenes are far too long with so much fluff, Jesus Christ the cuts just throw us into a completely different place with no transition its so abrupt and the jump cuts are infinitely worse fuck half of these are like .5 seconds long, they’re so basic its crazy. some j cuts all of the sudden and some decent direction all of the sudden on this indoors scene wtf lol. then back to awful cuts, apparently just outside and between scenes.

i can’t even focus on the story because there’s so much nonsense filming, writing and acting and jfc.

the 2012 version is only 5 minutes less but this one reaaaaally feels like its length while the 2012 one does not.

the house is just a grey house in a simple marsh, unassuming, boring to look at, the birds chirp, there’s a half-sunken cemetery nearby, the woman in blacks just standing there in broad daylight with a lil hat on her head, her skin like yellow tinted with red around her eyes kinda lookin like the wicked witch of the west, just staring casually at him they giving her a mid-shot and a close-shot and all, got some crooked shaped eyebrows, i think she’s angry? I’d be angry too with that ugly ass velvet donut on my head; she slowly sorta makes her way a few steps toward him, he sprints off and locks the door then turns on all the electrical lights in the house and seems alright; the rooms are tiny and clean cause she only just died (woman in black’s sister) - it’s really not scary - all white and beige with floral designs, boring frames with dark protraits; reminds me of the rooms at the thornton’s house and other old bedrooms i stayed in as a kid; fuck he’s really turning every single light on. he’s drinking again. we’re half an hour in and he’s messing around with some sort of recorder whistling into it and shit - omfg i thought that was leading up to a scare but no. telling the clues of the mystery in these weird cylinder recordings instead of the 2012 letters? he’s drinking again. WHOA hey we got an establishing shot and its a red-bricked house three stories tall with a big ass entrance way and pointed roofs and lots of windows am i missing something wait what happened to the grey house. there’s no scary music, its all light, there’s no suspense its like well here we are, now we’re here, now the marsh is water, there’s fog and horses and he’s nervous and there’s horses and women and children screaming yikesss ol mate looks mildly nervous, they must have hired him for his scared running and dramatic turns, NOW THE HOUSE HAS GREEN VINES ALL OVER IT. i mean he seems passionate about his role he’s tryin his hardest thats for sure. half of its filmed like a stage show - where’d the dog go. continuity needs to like actually be a thing. why do these candles have hats they’re on beautiful candelabras and now there’s more alcohol. for epople who have a butler and a maid on stand-by their tablecloth looks like a crumpled sheet and the lampshades look like they were picked up from the tip and they’re fkn crooked for godssake. we’re 46 minutes in and theres been maybe 25 minutes of actual story. he ran because he was afraid and that sits wrong with him so he wants to go back - now he’s ‘brave but not brave enough’. stubborn muthafucker. his rational friend is like lol you’re a moron, take my dog as companion he’s called spider for some reason. jesus fuck the cuts they get me everytime they’re scarier than anything else i’ve seen. unsurprised i could see the shadow of the camera. oh okay the grey house is the generator room out back that makes more sense. locked doors, ring of many keys but no key will turn. completely wasted mirror angles that were making me actually kinda anxious waiting to see something in them like damn son wasted opportunity. thrilling to watch this guy go through wads of paper not really looking at anything just pushing them around the great lawyer he is conveniently only finding and looking at plot-relevant things. kid crying mummy mummy while the lady just screams horribly - OMG NOW HES telling the recording exactly what we just heard and saw fuck sakee i love this movie its so dumb spoon feeding everyone - naw spider in his beeeeddd 10/10 best actor. nothing scary has actually happened other than weird lady staring constipatedly at him. he out here gon break his shoulder - sprint sprint sprint PACE PACE PACE – THE DOOR IS OPENNNNN ooohhwuuuhohhh and now he has an axe. he’s a fuck load more of a scardey cat than my main man harry potter and its the nursery - A BALLLLLLLL fell from the SKYYYYY and he doesn’t seem too fazed lmao. spiders just chillin on a chair like yep you’re in trouble. creepy old dolls. a kid just said 'hello’ and laughed, like friendly. 'hello?’  and put a toy in his hand. this is actually interesting. whoops the lights have gone out - PROBS CAUSE HE TURNS THEM ALL ON. nothing even scary happened, the kid said hi and clearly wanted to play then he sprinted away and now is panicking trying to find a torch where is he going its not even that dark back at the generator. cause god forbid- - OMG HE:S LITERALLY GO TTHE WHOLE HOUSE LIT UP mate why do you think it all went out omg im crying he’s freaking out about spider running off oh nah nevermind he’s fine lololol he was freakingggg outttt and then just chills immediately and goes back inside. i love this guy he’s trying so hard. the 70s lampshades are swinging from the roof. would be more eerie if it were actually dark and nah gonna just move over that back to him telling the recording exactly what we just saw. every fucking light. every FUCKING LIGHT. he’s lucky he doesn’t have to pay for electricity. this is the third time we’ve heard this crash and the kid and the lady screaming and he’s going angry about it cause its very noisy and he’s lost his mate’s dog whoops. lol whoops his mate found his own dog half drowned in the marsh and is just chill with it. wait this has all happened in a day?? this fuckin guy. ol mates got him rugged up and getting him outta there cause he collapsed in fright from finding the nursery trashed. that’s it. like yeah its spooky but come on man. is this the climax of the movie??? we an 1hr12min in. think they’re only breifly and vaguely mentioning that to see her means a kid will die and has died - how the fuck are you supposed to make her fearsome if you declaw her and take away that which threatens people: the fact she’s out there causing kids to die. floral bed covers. are they seriously not even going to show the dead kid. they’re just chatting. and again wa– holy fuck these people shes like neeeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrhhh with a hogwarts cloak on and short curly hair with that yellow face and crooked brows, and he’s got his arms over his face, eyes shut just lying on his bed screaming - fuckin close ass shots i can see up their noses. now he’s taken ill poor mate. also he’s in a different bed?? and now he’s awake and talking some whack shit. has anyone called his wife yet lol. an awesome shot of just him sleeping. and another one. who’s this lady? oh its his wife. what’s she doing here i guess they did call her ahahaha. everything is so bright and blue and white where is the deeeeeath how is any of this scary its just so much chilling out and chatting and lol bye hope you get better have fun talking men. what. the house burned down? what. ol mate seems suss. HE’S SUSS. ol mate definitely burned that shit to the ground. who knows why he didn’t really seem sold on the whole thing but ya know. now they’re wearing like any old clothes they can find. and there’s a soldier too. and they’re training off into the sunset. that woman is not old enough to be this guy’s mother. what. we have cake time. pointless pointless scenes. ooooooooooooooooooooooo he got the ptsd from the horse clackity clack. no woman with hair that perfect sleeps without it in rolls or covered, not back then lol. where’s the deatttttthhh. oooohweeerrroooooo. whats in the box in the box whats in the box todayyy. acting is always 10/10 with this guy, especially the angst and strong emotions. he really doesn’t care for actually investigating these many papers he’s got in these boxes. um. he was in his office. and then the next scene was him entering his office and hanging up his jacket in his office????? wot. THE PAPERS AREN’T IN THE FIREPLACE MATE THEY’RE OUTSIDE OF IT. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH OH MY GOD HES MAD HES SETTING THE OFFICE ON FIRE HOLY FUCKKKKKKKKK MATE. dude you are so fired. fireman is like yeah i found this jerry can of parrafin you wouldn’t happen to know anything about that would you. omg omg he’s attacking his boss this is so exciting. i think he’s fired lol. can’t believe he’s not been arrested. what do you tell your wife lmao. how do you get references for another job in this career. her hair is so perfect. she wants to talk, he silences her with a kiss, conversation moves on, he silences her with another kiss - typical. now they’re boating. there’s 3 minutes left. are they gonna drown. omg the jumpcuts. SHES STANDING ON WATER. SHES JESUS. ahahhahahahahAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA DEATH BY TREEEEEEEEEE and i think they did drown omg ahahah my guy, wife kid and baby. that’s fuckin dark. last literally 1 minute of the movie just kill everyone off. what a shit fest i love it.

[childrencryinncoffee-blog]

My Dad Walked Away, Why Can't I?

I've been surviving on fumes the last few days and it's getting frustrating and I'm building a resentment. I'm worried about my mental health and it seems like no one cares, so I'm wondering why I should. I haven't taken any of my medications for the last week and if anyone's noticed, no one is saying anything. And this is where the resentment is building. My husband just worked the last 16 out of 24 hours and he is now in bed, sleeping, at 1pm, after arriving home at around 10am.

And lucky me, I just got a 90 minute break while writing because Ivy decided to scream from her MamaRoo and I had to stop and feed her again, even though she just nursed 45 minutes before. And of course Derrick gets up and I'm torn between guilt because I want him to sleep and resentment because of course he wants to sweep in and be the hero, suddenly, when I've been tired for days--but Ivy wants me, or she wanted my breasts at least.

But at least when I was done nursing her I could put her down and go eat. But even eating is pissing me off lately. I've gained 12 pounds in the last month and I don't know what to do about it. I work the hardest in this house to have the best and healthiest diet; vegetables, fruit, lean meats, nuts, seeds, non-dairy products, whatever I can eat to help with my supply AND be healthy for not just Ivy, but me too. And yet, I'm gaining weight. And fucking Derrick doesn't even have to try and he still looks like he's barely 20 and never had a kid. I look like I'm a tired obese, 45 year old woman, who's definitely birthed a half dozen or more kids. And I'm fucking tired, but it doesn't matter.

I can't remember the last time I had a conversation with someone who wasn't being generic; including my husband. It's funny; when people (my family) come over to visit and they strike up a conversation with Derrick, they always ask him how he is, how he's feeling, how work is treating him and they stir up this bravada in him to be more confident, work harder, ask for more pay, more hours, whatever. They ask about his artwork and what he's drawing lately and his new games, even though they don't understand them. Wanna know the conversation I get? Weight. The kids. And how my house is a mess because I don't know how to get on my kids to do a better job. I'm constantly reminded that I am a fat, lazy mom. Which makes my anxieties worse; because rather than relaxing, I'm more motivated to clean, straighten up, talk about the newest health trend and how even though I'm exhausted all the time, I'm trying to lose the weight. My husband can just grab a beer, or whatever and not think twice. I have to think about the calories, the carbs and the sugar. I usually get so upset about it, I self sabotage.

I haven't been sleeping well, nor taking my medications correctly, but no one asks me. The kids constant ask Derrick, "Dad, does your back hurt?" "Daddy, are you tired?" "Daddy do you have to work today?" "Dad does your shoulder hurt?"

Where's my concern? I hurt. I'm in pain. I'm exhausted.

I've been seeing things--literally--a tall, white man in my shower, spiders and snakes and a vicious wolf in the kids' room. I told all of this to Derrick. The conversation didn't even last 5 minutes. He asked to watch Jeopardy, but while I lay there, half pissed off at an ignored conversation, half pissed off that he was paying more attention to his phone than the show he just asked me to watch with him. I roll over and go to bed.

I've been dealing with thoughts of self-harm and suicide and even running away. I don't feel wanted or needed. I don't feel pursued or active affection. Derrick hadn't realized it'd been probably close to a year since he bought me flowers, until I made a snide remark and rather than him wanting to surprise his wife, he buys flowers the next morning out of guilt and I display them (happily) on Instagram--even though there was no geneuity. But I have to display this facade of a happy marriage because if I don't I'm reminded that all the negativity associated with it is my fault; I'm choosing to be negative, unhappy, displeased, I'm making something out of it. A bill comes up, we're short to pay it this week, because I was adamant to have oysters. We're short on gas money, I shouldn't have went and spent that $30 at NYX. We need more diapers, toilet paper and dish soap, but I was hoping to make new mom-friends and wasted $50 and the only new thing I ended up with was a virus. (Thanks lady who was sick and yet HAD to come ride in our carpool AND sit right next to me at the table, coughing on me all night, whining about her "cold", ya should've stayed home and NOT put me at risk to bring home this illness to my newborn).

I can't do anything about anything for the next few weeks, as we're fucking broke as hell. I can't "escape". I can't go get Starbucks, or walk through Target. I can't go to play dates. I can't even go to a DBSA meeting. The NAMI meeting was this morning, but Derrick got home late and we really don't have the gas money for me to drive across town anyway. I have no one to talk to---because the conversation is either ignored, dismissed or changed. That and I think my own family is full of stigmatic bullshit. They claim they understand my mental illness and how dangerous it could be...bullshit. If they cared about my mental well-being and me working my ass of to avoid PPP, they'd have an open dialogue with me about everything. We would talk about my stressors, insecurities and anxieties and not fall asleep or become distracted or just drop the subject. I'M NOT SLEEPING AND I'M FUCKING SEEING THINGS AND MY HUSBAND CARES MORE ABOUT HIS SHOULDER HURTING AND HIS SLEEP.

The last time I had a Mixed State of both Depression and Mania---I tucked the baby into bed, made sure everyone else was asleep and I got blackout drunk and mutilated my body. You'd think my husband would care about that NOT happening again; but the conversation always comes back around to making ME feel guilty because he has to work--which yeah, he does have to work to provide for the family he helped create--but his responsibilities don't stop there.

Why isn't my sleep a priority? And the guilt of watching him try to stay awake while holding the baby and nodding off or mid snore while his eyes are open, don't help me to relax. And trying to nap with him when he got home from work because I haven't slept either, but the baby woke up, so I had to get up. I had to demand my sleep at 4am Friday morning because I'd spent the previous 36 hours up and awake, feeding a baby nearly EVERY 30 minutes and so when Derrick shoved my shoulder to wake up and nurse her, I snapped and he walked his ass to the fridge to warm her some expressed breastmilk.

I'm the one with the diagnosed, medication-needed-for-stability, mental illness, but me being "okay" isn't a priority. The kids and my family all worry about Derrick all the time; how's he sleeping with a new baby, is he drowsy while driving, does his back and shoulder hurt, how'd his x-rays come out, when does he see the PM doctor, blah blah blah---of course I build a resentment. My mom thinks the band-aid of her watching the baby while I take ONE one hour nap is supposed to "cure" me. I live with Schizoaffective Disorder--my number one medication IS sleep. I'm pushing the envelope and walking the line daily. Fantasizing about both sleep and death. Derrick gets all the sympathy, let him truly run the entire household and then I won't be here to even complain about the sympathy.

I'm so tired of looking in the mirror and hating what I see--a tired, worn out, grouchy bitch. Honestly, I am a bitch--Derrick's bosses say so, but rather than do anything about it, he kisses their ass because their opinions are actually worth something. I think about leaving all the time, and I KNOW if I spoke up about that to either Derrick or my mom, I'd have it thrown in my face that I'm being spoiled. And it's not even about having things my way, it is about FEELING like I am an important part of this family and actually want to be treated like a priority and not a fucking afterthought. I am, as a mother, expected to be a juggler of many balls; it's an expectation of me. Derrick is solely expected to be the breadwinner and head of household. That's it. Do you know how many different hats I wear and the only "rewards" I am rewarded with is adult conversations with my mom--conversations about losing weight, gaining weight, a new waist cincher, new diet pills, OR I am constantly reminded how my kids don't clean right, don't straighten right, don't do this right and I don't get on them enough. I just wanna leave.

But I know everyone will side with Derrick, even and especially my family--because I am "beyond lucky" to have a man like Derrick in my life and I should feel grateful and not have any complaints. The dude takes the time to learn all the special moves of his characters in all his video games; does he even know the name NOT THE BOOK, but the name of the author of my favorite book, nope.

And I keep making the mistake, like a hyper puppy, of TRYING to have a relationship with him; I tag him in articles or blogs I've read and found relatable and would like to discuss with him and I'm literally seen him swipe away the notification and ignore the tag and continue his game playing. I buy him books and they collect dust. Grant my books collect dust too, because I can't really juggle a book with pages that need turning and use my hands to keep my huge breasts off of Ivy's tiny nostrils while nursing her. And I'm so fucking exhausted, that one paragraph makes my eyes blink. But Derrick can spend 4 hours playing a video game.

The priorities in this house and so out of whack and I hate that I'm wavering at the edge of cliff; hanging on just for June 21 because that's my psychiatrist appointment. I can't rely on DBSA meetings because Derrick's fucked up schedule, or I'm just too exhausted, or there's no gas money. And I've been waiting and waiting for the CARES Program to call me back about finding me a new therapist, but nothing yet. SO I sit here, trying to hold on, talking myself down because no one else will, reminding myself that the 21st isn't too far away--but even when the 21st is here, what difference will that make? I don't see any changes within this household on the horizon at all. And that's really heartbreaking.

[learnspanishfans]

10 Good Reasons to Learn Spanish

Want to learn Spanish? You're in good company. By one estimate, nearly 100 million people worldwide speak some level of Spanish as a second language, and that number is growing fast. Spanish is the language that got me started on this whole language-learning adventure over a decade ago, so it's definitely a language that has had an enormous impact on my life! With so many possible languages you could learn, why learn Spanish? Here are some ideas that I hope will appeal, whether you're a seasoned polyglot looking to add another notch to your belt or a language newbie thinking about dipping your toes in the agua:

1. Become More Expressive

Does this make any sense to you:

Spanish is eaten bread! But sometimes when I'm talking to someone who doesn't have any hairs on their tongue, I wonder if they're just playing the Swede. Maybe they have more wool than a lamb and feel like throwing the house through the window, but maybe they're just being like a goat and pulling my hair.

That probably looked like nonsense! But if you learn a bit of Spanish you'll see that these are just a few of that language's many colourful idioms which aren’t directly translated into English. There are countless other examples, and as you learn them you'll find all kinds of interesting new phrases and perspectives that you'll wish you could also use in English... if only English speakers would understand them. So unless you have "bad milk" (mala leche) or a "mood of dogs" (humor de perros), if you learn Spanish you definitely won't be "throwing water into the sea" (echar agua al mar). ;)

2. Join a HUGE Family

How big is your family? What if I told you that you actually have millions of nephews? Or at least if you spend time in Spain you might feel that way, since people will keep calling you tía or tío, which literally mean "aunt" and "uncle". These words are commonly used in Spain as a term of endearment and a greeting, like "dude/chick" or (for the Brits and Aussies) "mate". Practically every Spanish-speaking country has its own version (or versions) of tío, like the Colombian guevón, the Mexican vato or morro, the Chilean weón and more. As they say in Spanish, ¡qué rico! - how rich! With some Spanish under your belt you'll never run out of fun ways to address people. Just be careful with the word marica, which in some places (such as Venezuela) can mean "dude", but in other places is a derogatory term for a gay person. Talking of a big family...

3. Have Double the Fun

By number of native speakers (there's over 400 million of them), Spanish is the second most commonly spoken language in the world, as well the official language of 21 countries. That's about 5% of the world's population and 10% of its countries currently not truly accessible to you if you haven’t learned the language yet! I've been to a few of those countries and met many of those people, and I assure you, you're missing out. What... were you thinking about travelling to those countries and meeting those people through English? I suppose you could try, but why watch a black-and-white movie on your phone when you could go to the Imax cinema and see it in 3D? As I've said again and again, travelling with English alone is an extremely limiting experience, and it's hard to appreciate this until you've broken out of the anglophone bubble and seen it for yourself. Learn a bit of Spanish and your world map will double in size. All kinds of new adventures, friends, and fond memories are awaiting you - all you have to do is say sí.

4. You’ll Find it Easy to Get Help

As much as I try to avoid categorising languages by how "easy" or "hard" they are, I have to give Spanish some credit. Even before you consider the intrinsic aspects of the language itself (which aren't the hardest), Spanish is made considerably easier by its popularity. The sheer number of wannabe Spanish speakers out there means that there's a lot of money to be made in this space, and the market has responded: there's an ENORMOUS amount of Spanish learning material out there. Whatever your specific learning style or language goals, you're very unlikely to have any trouble finding the exact product, course or resource to meet your needs. Plus it's never hard to find another speaker to practise with! Compare this to a language like Egyptian Arabic. As I've said before, despite having more than 80 million speakers, possibly the hardest thing about this language was not the language itself, but the difficulty of finding good teaching materials (since the courses tend to favour Modern Standard Arabic, which isn’t actually spoken in Egypt). If only there were as many good Arabic dialect resources as there are Spanish ones, my life would have been much easier.

5. Unleash Your Inner Party Animal!

The Spanish know how to party, and apparently they exported this tendency with them when they were colonising the world. Get to know the Hispanosphere and you'll be introduced to a montón of new celebrations that'll keep you up all night and dancing all day. There's Día de los Reyes Magos in January, Carnaval (it's not just a Brazilian thing) in March, and San Juan in June. You can celebrate the Feast of El Salvador del Mundo in (you guessed it) El Salvador in August, Grito de Lares in Puerto Rico in September, the infamous San Fermín (running of the bulls) in Spain in July, Señor de los Milagros in Peru in October, or Día de los Muertos in Mexico in November, and the list goes on. (I told you that you're missing out.) Whew! I'm exhausted just reading that list.

6. Get a Head Start on Other Languages

Do you want to be a polyglot? If you want to learn another Romance language once you're done with Spanish, you'll find you’ll have a big head start. In fact, several big Romance languages are so similar to Spanish that they're largely mutually intelligible - a Spaniard and an Italian who have never studied each other's languages could still just about communicate with a bit of effort. Learn Spanish and you'll find you can understand large chunks of Italian, Portuguese, Catalan, and (to a lesser extent) French, especially in their written forms, without having ever even studied them. Is that cheating? I prefer to think of it as "more bang for your buck". (A common next destination after Spanish is Brazilian Portuguese - if you want to go down that route, you might enjoy this article where I explain the basic differences.)

7. Learn Some New Tricks with Your Tongue

Many learners of Spanish are intimidated by its rolled R sound, which isn't unique to Spanish by any stretch of the imagination but still is very foreign to most English-speaking tongues. (Pro tip: the single "tapped" R as in pero is not only much more common than the double "rolled" R, as in perro but much easier to pronounce). But fear not! While some people convince themselves that they simply can't learn the rolled R and will never learn, the truth is that it's not that difficult, it just takes practice. And once you figure it out, you might find that trilling your tongue is a bit addictive. It feels so satisfying to finally nail this skill after all that practice!

8. Feed Your Language Brain

Spanish developed from the dialect of "Vulgar Latin" that was originally spoken in the kingdom of Castile, part of modern-day Spain. (This is why Spanish, español, is actually called Castilian, or castellano in the language itself in Spain, Argentina and several other countries). In the journey from veni, vidi, vici to vine, vi, vencí, Spanish mixed and mingled with a whole host of other languages and cultures, giving it some very distinctive features and vocabulary. For example, over 4000 Spanish words have their roots not in Latin but in Arabic, thanks to the Arabic-speaking Moors who ruled what's now Spain for a whopping seven centuries. Perhaps the most famous of these words is the hard-to-translate exclamation ¡ojalá!, which roughly means "let's hope so!" or "I hope to God!" - alá, of course, being the Spanish way of writing the Arabic word "Allah". In fact, as Spanish was spreading to the western hemisphere during colonial times, some indigenous American words managed to make it back east: such as cancha (football field) and carpa (marquee), which both come from the native South American language Quechua. The point is that, if you're a history or an etymology nerd, Spanish is an extremely rich language, and there's a lot to geek out on.

9. Vulgarity!

Spanish is descended from Vulgar Latin, and if vulgarity is your thing, Spanish can certainly help. You can start with the ubiquitous joder, which means "fuck", and, like its English equivalent, has zillions of different uses and translations, but be sure to move on quickly, there's much more. Again, it varies from country to country. A very common expletive in Spain is ¡hostia!, which literally means "host", as in the communion wafer that Catholics eat at mass, and can roughly be used in the same way that a blasphemous English speaker would exclaim "Christ!" or "Jesus!". (Cristo and Jesús aren't used this way in Spanish, although someone might say Jesús! to you when you sneeze, similar to the English "Bless you!"). If you darle la hostia (give someone the host), that roughly translates as "beat the crap out of somebody", but if you simply say something es la hostia ("it's the host"), that means it's very good. But that's just the tip of the obscenity iceberg. Spanish is chock-full of ways to indulge your potty mouth. ¡Joder!

10. La Tierra de la Libertad...

In all my travels, there's one Spanish-speaking country that stands out as very, well, distinctive. Spanish isn't even the official language, yet in large chunks of the country you hear it everywhere. And it's a weird dialect they have there - kind of a mix, and you'll often find people who have completely different accents even though they grew up in the same area! Maybe it's because this country is so huge and has such a rich heritage; a total melting pot of all kinds of different cultures, not just Latin ones. Whatever the case, it's an exception to point #3 above - you can get by in this country without Spanish. But if you do learn it, you'll find that it can give you a whole new perspective on this country and open many new doors. I'm talking, of course, about the United States of America - which has over 40 million native Spanish speakers, making it the 2nd biggest Spanish-speaking country in the world, behind only Mexico - and it's likely to overtake Mexico and clinch the number one spot within our lifetimes! Who knows what the future has in store for the Spanish language, but clearly its influence is spreading fast and wide beyond its "official" borders. Maybe in the future you just won't be able to avoid it. Spanish is so prominent in the Estados Unidos that I actually spent a whole month almost exclusively speaking it when I lived in south San Francisco city, and I use it very often here in New York. One thing's for sure: I've heard many people say that they wish they spoke Spanish, but I've never heard anyone say that they wish they hadn't learned it. If I've inspired you to give Spanish a try, go ahead and check out this list of resources. What’s your big reason for learning Spanish? Let me know in the comments.

The post 10 Good Reasons to Learn Spanish appeared first on Fluent in 3 months - Language Hacking and Travel Tips.

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