#dude ok I'm dumb
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Ok but The Last Dinner Party - On Your Side as a durgetash song....... THE ANGST
It literally starts with THAT
I know I'm better off not looking back
Forgive me father, won't you take it back?
That we were lovers
And the whole song is honestly so durgetash coded
OH SHIT.
THAT IS ACTUALLY.
DAMN
#UH???#also am I nuts or is this song incestuous#that is the intention right#edit: ok I've been told its catholic#dude ok I'm dumb#I fucking forgot religion existed#so I was like is this an incest song#its about jesus#fucking Jesus Christ I guess
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I wish Batman would fuck with the Joker more. I know he can't. Scratch, I know an important piece of their core dynamic is that he is above it, which opens the way to great contrasts when other characters (ie icon Terry Bats) do. But come on, it would be so easy. It would be free.
During a teamup in Gotham, Bats could dreamily remark that he likes Superman because he makes him laugh. What options does the clownfucker have now? Try to jealously kill fucking Superman or simply dive backwards into the Hudson River. The whole thing would take ten seconds of work, and I don't think there'd be collateral damage. Superman's already there.
#now of course this would have to be done on a completely random day offhandedly so no gotham rogue had any green or red K prepped...#hm ok i do see there are holes in this plan. and injustice really does make the world feel truly helpless before superman#so mabey i'm the dumb one to think it would all be fun and games to see joker try to show gay crime dominance to SUPERMAN#invulnerable superhunk#like you got no way out here dude. kys ig
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I've made the mistake of putting myself on the greater internet for Star Trek/cosplay posting, and I'm getting a lot of dudes with the most basic, unsolicited advice ever
Should've stayed here in my enclosure
#I've made the grievous error of being apparently female on the internet#like Jesus I will not take your tips but thanks for thinking I'm a moron#like I'm dumber now than I used to be but not that dumb#I was trying to source the patterned coat fabric and people are telling me about the fur#bro I live in burning man country fake fur is the easiest thing to find#'just get curtains and carpet' ok dumbass that's not even gonna work#if I could find curtains that matched maybe but otherwise#you need this kind of fabric like yeah no shit#or when my internet went out and dudes came out of the woodwork saying 'plutotv' like it hasn't been feeding the brain rot for over a year#surround yourself with anyone but stereotypical cis guys apparently#believe it or not I can solve my own problems??? especially when I know the scope of them and randos don't???#I'm so mad I've been shielded from mansplaining by sheer isolation#sorry for the rant
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HES ALIVE
#MY BOYYYY#oh his hair looks so good....#feeling so unhinged about this 2 second clip in the jays instagram#also the purple leg thing + blue socks + white slides he's so DUMB i'm in love with him#also HAIR TIE ON THE WRIST GIRLFRIEND BEHAVIOUR#ok i'm normal again#but also like his arms..#and another mention for the hair because my GOD dude#bo bichette
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interview today. i'm so scareddd.
#i have an hour and a half before i have to leave and i thiiiink i might have a panic attack. i'm doing what i can to prevent it tho#'they haven't seen my face yet they only know my name they probably think i'm white fuckk!!' ok so what??? calm down dude#'what if i don't look professional enough. my hair is dumb and my eyebrows are shaved. and my clothes are too cute.' ppl told you ur hair#is fineee and the eyebrows are very neat. your clothes are fine ok. they're slacks and a nice shirt.#'i have no clue why they're interested in me i'm not qualified for it and they don't even know that i'm incompetent and can't even take care#of myself' well you already had the phone interview and they're Still interested so think abt that ok. she said you have transferrable#skills that will make the transition easy. they like your personality and outlook. just be chill#'i'm not going to be able to think of answers to their questions. i'm going to make a fool of myself' THIS is the only thought that i can't#brush off so easily. hmm. well i have an hour and a half to keep hyping myself up/calming myself down
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fucking bonkers bananas to me how much the narrative around having fucked up traumatic life experiences is that you lived in a Different, Unreal world and have to adapt to the Real World, Where People Don't Do That. it is either the same fuckin world or a different one of equivalent realness. and your dumbshit Good Normal Life Views have plenty of fail states too, like imagining that everything bad is sequestered in a fucking pocket dimension
#dude i get it i am not saying my ongoing conviction that anyone in the world can quiet room me is TOTALLY accurate#but uh also given as i am insane. it is super more of a risk than people seem to be willing to buy!#the 'that doesn't happen' to 'ok it totally does but its for your own good and also the version i made up in my head seems more accurate#than what you're telling me abt what it's like so basically it doesn't happen even though it does and i'm gonna do it to you' pipeline#ppl who have been through shit do this also sometimes especially if it feels like an isolated thing they straightforwardly escaped#it's probably reassuring to believe you have immunity now in The Real World Where People Don't Do That#unfortunately this doesn't make it less dumb#do you know how many Horrible Unrealistic Edge Cases Of Badviolence the Real World enables. buddy. the call is coming from inside the norm
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The people that have abandoned me really need to stop talking to me like they have any right to tell me what to do, or I swear to God, I'm gonna get the FUCKING hammer.
#inspired by my bitch of a mother sending me a text that basically said u need to get ur life together#as i always say! LET HE WHO IS WITHOUT SIN CAST THE FIRST STONE!#this woman's life is a dumpster fire#and she specifically said 'i won't financially support u. i'll always be there for u but that's a conditional statement'#which is INSANE because that don't make no sense AND she has NEVER financially supported me? genuinely why does she think she has any#fucking right...😭😭😭#meanwhile. my dad. during the shitstorm that has been my family's existence lately. is being way more lax about me getting a job and moving#out than he has been in the past. because some fucks despite being shitheads aren't total assholes#this post is also inspired by my insufferable sister who fucked off to another fucking continent when i was 7 and treats me...well. exactly#how u would expect an upper middle class dumb jock to treat her awesome nerd little brother. and is always telling me i'm making#the wrong fucking decisions and judging me.#these ppl r so funny bc they think this is normal and that i will endure it bc the power of love or what the fuck ever. wrong! i have been#on the brink of cutting off my entire family since i was fourteen. now that i actually have the power to do some cutting off i'll be honest#i feel pretty great#it is all of course a horrible nightmare and i wish things were different etc etc etc. but in the words of supernatural. i was always going#to end up here.#while i am thinking about such things what's my other sister's deal? she has not reached out to me for years. it was like i turned 18 and#she was like ok who cares abt this dude now#which was incredibly bizarre and makes me feel like a stupid idiot who did something wrong but i know i didn't. and she was always the most#supportive of my siblings. i don't know what her problem is#in her defense her life has been weird lately. but 'lately' has lasted long enough that it's just her life now. and whenever i try to be th#one to reach out she basically gives me...nothing.#while i am thinking about such things i will acknowledge the slays. my one totally kickass sister who is the only other one of my siblings#who understands anything. i am rly grateful for her and she has been so good to me for so long especially during the recent shitstorm#she is moving very far away and that has brought up my abandonment issues but i genuinely am so happy for her and her family and she is ver#adamant about me visiting and PAYING for the visit (or at least doing the scamming that pays for the visit so i don't have to pay lol) and#making sure i'll be ok.#it's not all bad! i am going to be ok! there r so many people in my life who love me and love me in a way that makes sense to me and doesn'#make me feel like the world's worst man#personal log
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the desperate urge to compliment someone online I think is super gorgeous and absolute Butch Goals Vs the utter terror of coming across creepy or making them feel surveilled or voyeured about: FIGHT
#red said#this is why I'm so bad at flirting. bc before i initiate contact with ANYONE I have to go through a 6 month panic period#where i run through scripts in my head and worry about coming off as weird or creepy or parasocial#and the longer that goes on the more sure i am that if i speak to them they will immediately know that bc of this anxiety#i have spent thinking about them. not bc I'm obsessed with them but bc i am concerned about how weird it might make them feel#and then I'm also like WOW NARCISSISTIC OF YOU TO THINK THEY'LL EVEN NOTICE YOUR COMMENT#LET ALONE CARE#god you are truly the WORST what an AWFUL way to think why can't you just be NORMAL#and the whole time the 'creepy' thing i wanted to say in the first place was like#'you're really cool' or 'i love your jacket' or 'i hope you're ok'#it isn't just attraction stuff either. i have invited a friend from work out for a drink ONCE in my life.#and it took a year AND only happened bc she was upset after a conflict at work so i could tell she needed to vent#like I'm SO BAD at this bc large or small any kind of initiating contact is like#wow ok so YOU THINK. YOU HAVE A RIGHT TO THEIR TIME. YOU'RE GOING TO PUT THEM ON THE SPOT LIKE THAT.#and it's so ANNOYING cause it's like. my dude. nobody thinks that about you. you have friends. most people like compliments.#and anyway when i do give compliments it's always in the most casual way possible bc of these anxieties#i don't ever want anyone to feel like. trapped by my regard.#but it's so dumb it's literally the tiniest smallest things#it's why I've always been bad at making friends online. i just silently follow people's blogs and like things.#i have also been known to do the IRL version of that. hovering near the edge of people's groups trying to like. mentally project regard.#which GUESS WHAT!!! comes off way creepier than just saying hey man you look amazing i love your whole vibe#AAAAAAAAAA#(davide this is also why i followed your blog so hard for like 500 years but got very afraid of ever acknowledging you might know who i am)
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#sotto voce ranting to polish paintings time!#this is#and who's above me?#by kazimierz mikulski#and i think even many poles aren't aware of the fact that we had people painiting surreal cats and rhinos too so fyi#and i'm not even particularly pissed but searching for this took me half an hour so now i have to do sth with it sunken costs and all#anyway a post about doctor who working best when they're a a regular dude obv resulted in a new battle in the war of the three showrunners#as to which was the biggest offender#or rather first the consensus ttc was dumb seems to hold strong#and i don't even want to wager in but there's an argument against rtd that i really don't like#because yes his doctors are oncoming storms and timelords victorious but when it comes to veing universally recognised as THE DOCTOR#then no this is moffat's#rtd's doctors get recognized as THE LAST OF THE TIME LORDS#and feel how you wish about destruction of gallifrey 1.0 but that's DOESN'T comtradict the doctor being generally a fail as a timelord#i mean imagine of the doctor was a unicorn ok? if you really like or fear unicorns or want unicorn hair for your spells and there's only 1#you take what you can#and that doesn't change the fact that the unicorn is lame on two legs kinda bald white as a snow by the end of march in a polluted city#and you have to take its word that a sorry bump on its forehead is in fact a horn#ranting so maybe i'll finally sleep
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Hi Neil,
I was the person gabbling incoherently at you after the Muppet Movie at Tinker Theater the other night! Thank you again for your note and the selfie!
I wanted to tell you WHY your work meant so much to me, but I was so starstruck. I randomly picked up a copy of American Gods in an airport when I was ~17 ("Oh, that's the dude who wrote a book with Sir Terry! OK, I'm in!"). I grew up in a fairly oppressive Southern Baptist area with people who were militant about their religion. I was interested in all types of mythologies and other cultures, and was also the weird artsy smart chick, so of course I was horribly bullied.
Everyone (including my parents) told me that my creative dreams were dumb and I'd never make money; my focus on fairy tales and myths were childish and no one but me cared about those things; and I was going to Hell, so stop reading things and repent.
Then I read American Gods right at the time when I most needed it. Here was someone who was hugely successful writing about the things I cared about--and lots of people wanted to read it! And it was GOOD writing! And then I read your journal, and it was written by a kind person telling people to make art, support your library, and be kind. It was the message I needed so badly at an important time in my life.
Your voice has been in my head so often when I doubted myself. What you do--not just your stories, but you just being YOU, publicly, and telling people to be them--is so important. I think you probably hear that daily. I just wanted to say it again, more coherently this time.
Truly, thank you--for so much more than a note and a selfie.
-Jenn Pocock
Thank you so much, Jenn! I'm so glad it helped.
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Friends with benefits
Two long time friends Trent and Brett. A classic story. Met in kindergarten and have been friends since. Grew up together. Spent their holidays together. Graduated together. But then stopped seeing each other as often. Why? Because adult life ain't easy. Brett had to find a job while Trent got into college, graduated and on top of that became a fitness influencer. Brett started his Twitch account and became a gamer, which he had time for, cause how he was constantly doing a different job, depending on what he could find. But both of them always took some time off for a beer with their buddy.
This is Trent
Although he doesn't appear like that, he is a 24 year old male with young looks
On the other hand Brett is also young, but his looks are a bit more mature. Maybe it's because of all the hair
This is Brett
So hairy.
Normal guys, right? Well something was about to change very soon
Friday, August 2nd, 5 PM
Brett:"Hey, dude. Wanna grab a beer later tonight?"
Trent:"Yeah, sure. I am down. Is 8:30 ok? I gotta finish a video"
Brett:"Oh yeah, totally fine. See you then"
Friday, August 2nd, sports bar, 8:33 PM
At the bar Brett waits patiently, only his leg is slightly shaking. Trent comes in through the door. It's kinda funny, cause Trent used to be really insecure and not confident. Now he looks basically like a god. But still, he has this cute shy looking guy whose face doesnt match his body and the fact that he's 24. Brett was kinds jealous, most of the people that didn't know him always thought he was older because of his looks. Trent had the opposite problem. Always had to show ID whenever he went. Yet Brett was probably more jealous about his life in general. He finished school, took great care of his body, which now could help him hook up with anyone he would set his mind to.
Brett:"Hey, maaaan. How are you doing?"
Trent:"Heyyy. Yeah good. You know, single influencer life, haha"
Brett:"The ladies must be driving you crazy"
Trent:"If only it were just ladies. Haha. You should see the messages some of these gay dudes keep sending me. It's insane"
Brett:"You tell me. They always send random shits to my chats while playing. But it's mostly dumb kids."
Trent:"I think we should find you a date for tonight"
Brett:"Nahhh, fuck it. I'm not in the mood. I just wanna chat with my bro."
After a few beers
Brett:"Shut up, you did not!"
Trent:"I swear. She came on to me without a word."
Brett:"So what did you do?"
Trent:"You think I put up a fight? Haha"
Brett:"Maaaan. I want this stuff to happen to me to. That's so hot"
Trent:"Come with me to the gym then, I bet more chicks woukd be into you if you would gain some muscles"
Brett:"You calling me fat?"
Trent:"No, just saying that all that body hair would be good to match with a good body. You're just a walking gorilla right now"
Brett:"Oh shut up twink! Haha"
They finished their drinks, said their goodbyes and went home.
Brett felt amazing. He really needed to get a beer with his best friend. He came back home, sat behind his computer and searched Dark web. He already knew what he was looking for. He wanted to mess with Trent. Just a another one of his pranks. All he needed was Trent's personal item. He found the body swapping website. He read the rules and conditions and filled out his and Trents name. The only next step he had to follow was to go to sleep. And so he did. Only taking off his shirt in the process and collapsing on the bed. Not even brushing his teeth
Brett woke up feeling better than ever. He was used to have a hangover by now, but today he felt great. He opened his eyes and immediately noticed the different sheets. He looked around. This is Trent's place.
Brett:"Trent?" he said, but he heard Trent's voice.
He turned around to get up
His body. He has a different body
Brett:"Holy shit. It worked" he said amused. He looked down at his now soft chest. He got up
Brett:"Oh wow. getting up is so different when you have these hard muscles"
He went to the nearest mirror. And there he was. Trent in his glory. Brett was so happy right now. His prank worked. He is now inside of his best friends body. And the pranks probably won't stop there. Now he can mess with him all he wants. But not now.
He looked from top to bottom how tall and slim his body was. "Almost no hair anywhere. Lucky guy"
He took Trent's phone and snapped a photo to send it to Trent in his body. He knew it would take a while for Trent to wake up so he proceeded in his exploration.
He felt his curly hair. "How come you don't even have widow's peak? So unfair" He traced his jawline, now with tiny baby hair that Brett wouldn't even call a beard. But his sight was now caught by those nice Calvin Klein's. He looked around as if there was someone in the room with him who would judge him. He pulled on the waistband
Brett:"Just as I thought. Also shaved" he grabbed his new dick, that was getting harder and harder by the second, when suddenly his phone received a notification. he let go of his dick
It was Trent. Brett:"Haha, this is gonna be good"
There was a photo of Brett's body, observing his hairy armpits in shock
Trent in Brett's body:"Hey. Got any idea why I am a gorilla now? And why that gorilla looks exactly like you?"
Brett:"Surpriseee. And fuck you"
Trent:"So this is your doing?"
Brett:"Yeah, I kinda wanted to prank you somehow for all the pranks and the gorilla jokes. Joke's on you ape man"
Trent:"Fuck you. So this is reversible?"
Brett:"Sure, man. No worries. We'll meet tonight at the bar again and chat how our day went?"
Trent:"I don't know how to feel about this, bro"
Brett:"Just try enjoying being another person"
Trent:"Do you realise there are some no go things including intimate stuff and hygiene?"
Brett:"Sure I do. I'm already holding your dick in YOUR hands right now"
Trent:"Dude! Not cool. I meant more stuff like shitting etc. But yeah, this too."
Brett:"I gotta say Trent. You have a very nice dick"
Trent:"I'll comment on your size when I find it in the bushes I guess. Have you never heard of trimming?"
Brett:"Keeping it natural, baby face"
Trent:"Fine, let's see each other tonight at 8, ok?"
Brett:"Enjoyyy" Hangs up
Trent:"Jesus, this guy. I hope he doesn't fuck up something or someone"
Starts observing himself. "I must say, It feels good to look like a mature man and not a teenager. All of this hair. And the moustache is hot too. I could never grow this thing"
Trent looked down and had a mischievous thought. "Well, Brett. Since you have already held my dick, I think it's time to step it up. Gonna see if you can last longer than I do" Trent said with a smile and whipped out his new hard hairy dick
Saturday August the 3rd, bar, 8:04 PM
Brett is sitting amused in the bar, eating chips on the table and drinking beer. Winking at the ladies looking at his direction.
A waitress came by his table:"Want another?"
Brett noticed his old incoming body:"Sure, and another one for my friend who just arrived. Thank you, sweetheart" he said as his flirtatious look almost seduced the local waitress
Trent:"You need to stop!"
Brett:"What? I was just flirting"
Trent:"Not that. Stop eating those chips. God knows how many calories you ate already"
Brett:"So you don't mind that I was flirting with her?"
Trent:"Nah, I don't care. I jerked off your dick for like the fifth time half an hour ago"
Brett:"What? You beast. I would have never expected that. Cool. You have a really good dick to jerk off too. I didn't expect to shoot so far tho. Made a bit of a mess"
A couple off bikers started eavesdropping to their conversation and turning heads
Trent:"You might want to quiet down, or we're gonna get beaten up for mistakenly speaking like gay guys"
Brett:"But you gotta admit that my body is not so bad, right? All the hair and everything. You like it"
Trent:"It's not bad, but I prefer being in my own body. I'm used to it."
Brett:"Ok, I'll pretend I didn't hear the part before about masturbation. But what do you say? We didn't even have enough time to see what the life is like in our new bodies. It's only been a day"
Trent:"And your point is?"
Brett:"Let's stay swapped for a while. We can swap back anytime we want. It's reversible. We know almost everything about each other, so pretending to be the other one will be easy. You'll just teach me your workout routine, I'll show you... what games to play and how to set up a livestream and we'll figure it out"
Trent:"Livestream? That's all you got?"
Brett:"Come on, man. We got nothing to loose"
Trent:"I don't know man. It's gonna be complicated. I agreed to leave for a few weeks to work at one of our gym branches in another city. And now you'll be the one that has to go. I think now is not the best time"
Brett:"So? I can update you about everything. We can chat all the time. We can call. And I got nothing to do. Actually, you might need to find some job for those few weeks. And there's never gonna be a better time then now. We're single, ready to mingle. So let's enjoy that month"
Trent:"You wanna stay swapped the whole tíme I'm gone?"
Brett:"Yeah, I'll be a fitness instructor/viral star and you'll ne enjoying my chill life"
Trent:"Chill life. Man, you won't even recognise your life when we'll swap back"
Brett:"So you agree?"
Trent:"Yeah, what the hell. I'll be a gorilla for a month"
Brett:"Deal. Now, let's see if you'll have a better game in finding a hookup then me"
Sunday, August 4th
Brett sends a text to Trent:"Why do I feel like my body still hasn't gone through puberty?"
Trent:"Piss off. Yours looks like it went trough yours several times."
Brett:"Nah, gotta be honest. I'm really enjoying this lean figure and hairless body"
Trent:"And my dick..."
Brett:"Haha, yeah and your dick. How are you doing in my body?"
Trent:"Feels pretty weird to be so hairy, but gotta admit it's a nice change. Like... feeling so manly"
Brett:"Yeah, but tip for that hairy stomach. Don't cum on it. It's really irritating to get cum from it"
Trent:"Never had the issue in my body, so yeah. Thanks for the tip"
Brett:"No problem. I had to try it out in yours haha"
Trent:"Doesn't this feel kinda gay to you? All the dick and jerk off talk. Appreciating each other's bodies"
Brett:"Nah. We're exploring, man. Who knows if we ever get that chance. Gotta enjoy it"
Wednesday August 7th
Trent:"How are you settling in?"
Brett:"Yeah. Pretty great. I just jerked off to some porn"
Trent:"Ew. I mean the appartement"
Brett:"Whooops. Sorry. Right. Yeah it's nice. Very clean. Very modern"
Trent:"It's yours only for a month so don't destroy anything there"
Brett:"It's kinda poetic right. New appartement, new body, new job"
Trent:"I don't see anything poetic about me playing games in front of a camera"
Brett;"Dude you have to. My fans are gonna wonder what happened to me"
Trent:"Fine. I'll log in tonight. By the way. Dude your feet smell so much when you work out."
Brett:"Work out? You took my body to the gym?
Trent:"Yeah. I had to show off these bushes somewhere, right?"
Brett:"Ahhh thanks man. Looking good"
Trent:"And I think oke girl was checking you... me out"
Brett:"If you can score than go for it. I'm actually late for a date. Or... how do you call it if you're just gonna have dinner and fuck?"
Trent:"Standard hook up man. Please be safe. Wear a condom. And watch our foe those carbs, man."
Brett:"Sure thing, bye"
Monday, August 12 th
Brett:"Dude do you like ever have to shave your face?"
Trent:"Sure I do. I just don't have to do it so often as you. Btw can I please shave off this moustache?"
Brett:"Absolutely not. You'll learn to love it and appreciate it. Just like I will your baby face"
Saturday, August 17th
Brett:"I have to admit I really love showing off your muscles man. I have been doing it constantly at every occassion. So many people turn their heads to take a peak"
Trent:"Yeah I get it. It helps with the confidence a bit"
Brett:"A bit? I feel like I can beat any fucker whk crosses me"
Trent:"Brett, please don't beat anyone in my body"
Brett:"Just kidding, man. How have you been"
Trent:"Well I tried being consistent with the gym. I think your body is doing pretty well"
Brett:"Daaaamn bro. I look good. You really do take care of my body really well"
Trent:"I was actually thinking I could offer this for money. Swapping with people, doing their routines and then swap back. But that's a talk for another time after we swap back"
Brett:"Yeha, sure. Cool idea. Anyway... how was the streaming?"
Trent:"I don't know, man. I think they are desperste for me to say your catchphrases, but they are so cringe."
Brett:"Nah, you have to do that. That's how you get into Tiktoks and become viral"
Trent:"Honestly. I can't wait to get back to my body and to my life back. So we will swap on September 2nd?
Brett:"Yeah. I suppose. Depends how the work will be etc. Anyway I gotta go man. Talk soon"
Trent to himself:"It feels like he's avoiding me with amswering more and more. Trent rubbed his hairy chest, recalling his sweet soft pecs that he missed.
Thursday, August 22nd
Trent:"Hey, man. How is it going?"
Friday, August 23rd
Trent:"Hey. I just wanna know if you're ok. I just wanna talk about the reversal."
Saturday:"please call me back as soon as possible"
Sunday, August 25th
Brett:"I'm ok"
Trent:"What the hell happened?"
Brett:"Nothing I just felt like I needed a break from phone and that stuff"
Trent:"Brett you didn't answer the phone for 4 days"
Brett:"Ok, I was avoiding you, cause I kinda fucked up and was afraid to tell you"
Trent:'What did you do? Is my body ok?"
Brett:"Yeah your body is unharmed. Nothing that bad. We just had a party in the appartement. Broke the TV and... I had unprotected sex with one girl. She didn't know if she was pregnant or not. So I was waiting. And congrats. You're not gonna be a dad"
Trent:"Brett..."
Brett:"I know. I'm so sorry. Won't happen again. Promise. I just got drunk once and it led to this. I'll be good now"
Trent:"Please, don't do anything anymore. I want to switch back"
Brett:"Nah man. We still gotta week to finish. You said until September 2nd."
Trent:"I didn't know you'd do something like this"
Brett:"Please Trent. I'm begging you. Just that one week"
Trent:"Fine. But don't do anything else!"
Sunday, September 1st
Brett:"Hey. Are you packed yet?"
Trent:"Hey. Not really. I planned on packing tommorow. You can come and help if you got time"
Brett:"Sure. I'll come by"
Monday, September 2nd
Trent arrives to the appartement. Brett is on the couch playing video games
The TV is new and there is a PlayStation on the table
Trent:"You didn't tell me you got back into gaming and that you bought all this."
Brett:"Yeha, I missed it. I thought to myself that you'd like it too. So I bought it. By the way. You should see how the fans dig it"
Trent:"Fans? You're live streaming in my body?"
Brett:"Yeah. The gamers are so into it when I'm flexing in the spare time. I even got a viral Tiktok already!"
Trent:"I think we should swap back, Brett. My life is out of your control now."
Brett:"I'm just using all the goods, man. You don't like my body anymore?"
Trent:"Stop changing the subject. I want to swap back"
Brett:"Ok... but on one condition"
Trent:"You want money?"
Brett;"Nah I want to have sex with my body. I want to have sex with you."
Trent:"You have lost your mind"
Brett:"Oh come on. Admit it, that you thought about it. Who gets the chance to fuck their body? To watch their body in the most animalistic moments from somebody else eyes?" Brett flexes his biceps to let Brett watch
Trent:"Brett..."
Brett stands up and goes towards Trent
Brett:"You know you want to kids thus face. To suck this hard dick" he says holding tightly his hardening bulge
Trent:"I... I do. I want to suck my dick"
Brett:"Atta boy"
They begin making out. The fast movements heading towards the bedroom could be described as chaotic, but for them it was a dance of passion. Brett was ripping his old clothes from his old body was all over his body, kissing his neck. Sucking each part of his skin
The kissed even more
Brett began to be more dominant. He gripped Trent's now receding hairline and pushed him down to suck his dick. Trent was choking. But did his best to swallow most of the shaft he now had. He had his dick in his mouth. He couldn't believe it. He is straight and he is sure of that. But this is absolutely different
Brett took his old body by the neck, choking him. "Say you love being in my body"
Trent:"Brett I can't breathe"
Brett:"Fine, let's do this the hard way"
He turned him around. Trent now on all fours. He knew what was coming, but he wasn't ready
Brett spit in his hand and spread it all over the head od his dick. Ready to penetrate his old hairy hole
Trent:"Brett wait... I... Ahhhhhhhh". Trent screamed in pain
Brett:"Yeah. Sorry about that. I'm just so horny. I love your body, Trent. I love every inch od it. Admit you like mine"
Trent:"Brett, please slow down"
Brett:"Naaah, you'll get used to it in a sex"
Trent:"Please, get lube or something"
Brett spit again to where his dick was penetrating Trent's ass. Brett:"Should do it"
Trent was still in pain, but now a new feeling was making him feel better. The pain was now... pleasant? He wanted to feel more. With every thrust from Brett. He felt like shitting himself and cumming at the same time
Brett:"Admit it. Admit you love being in my body" he sped up. Thrusting painfully.
Trent:"Yeah.... yes..."
Brett:"Louder"
Trent:"I do... I love your body. I love being you"
Brett:"Ahhhh. I'm gonna cum. Turn around. I want to cum on your chest"
Trent turned around. He could feel cum leaking from his dick. And now he saw his old face like he never did before. Brett was so into it. His face was full of lust, rage and mischief.
Brett:"Ahhhh. I'm cumming!"
The cum shot all over Trent. Not only on his chest, but also on his mouth and face
Trent watched in awe what just happened.
Brett:"Whew. That was a ride wasn't it? First gay sex. Am I right?"
Trent:"Brett... I?"
Brett:"Oh sorry. I have to catch my breath. You look so funny with my cum all over you. Haha. By the way. I'm glad you love your new body. You get to keep it"
Trent:"Brett, you said we would swap"
Brett:"Yeah I did. That's true. But after this little 'cum over your face' and 'dick in your ass' we made it permanent"
Trent watched in shock as his old body was still standing on top of him. Breathing rapidly and laughing.
Several months later
Hi my name is Brett. Welcome to my only fans channel. If you got any hairy request, hit me up
Brett in Trent's body:"Well this is just pathetic. Man, I knew you'd crumble. But this just seems you lost your mind"
Trent's massive colleague came next to him:"Hey, bro. What are you looking at?"
Brett:"Just looking how one of my friends threw away their life, kinda sad. But whatever. Their life, not mine"
Friend:"Hey, wanna grab a beer later this evening?"
Brett scanned his friend from top to bottom and smiled:"Sure thing. Be there at eight"
Brett thought about switching it up a little. That body would be amazing. But then he turned around and looked at himself in the mirror. And flexed
Brett:"Nah. I'm Trent. And I'm keeping this body"
A request from messages (another one who waited for a LONG time, sorry guys) for @swappwas
Hope you like it :)
P.S. written late at night on a phone with a very irritating autocorrect, so please excuse the mistakes
#friends body swap#body swapping#body swap#body switch#body switching#m2m body swap#straight to gay#Straight body swap
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Title: and they were roommates
Fandom: none
Characters: vampire (oc?)
Fic type: story
Pairings: vampire x male reader
Warnings: male reader, reader insert, nsfw, biting, blood sucking, dubious consent, blow jobs
Notes:ok so it's not an OC really? But it kind of is? It's a vampire but like not a specific dude and he doesn't have a name or any description
🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸
"Aight, streams done" (name)s roommate said coming out of his room, dressed in comfortable clothes as (name) put in a pullover sweater "let's get this shopping done!" (Name) Said back with enthusiasm as he stretched, (name) was thankful his roommate and him had the same sleep schedule, (name) worked online as an editor and his roommate was a twitch streamer, usually up all hours of the night streaming.
Though tonight he started early so that the two could get grocery shopping done, thankfully they lived close to a 24 hour grocery store "I'm gonna get me some pop tarts" (name) said getting into the passenger seat of his roommates car and the other snorted "eat too many and you will become one"
"That would be awesome, I would be delicious" (name) said, missing the look his roommate gave, a flash of red passing over his eyes as he began driving.
The two had been roommates for two years now and (name) wouldn't lie... He was down bad for his roommate, he was always so cool and mysterious-- "dude! They have the barbieque sauce!" Well most of the time, after streams he was always a little more goofy, less like his online persona.
Though... He wasn't expecting this.
"Sorry... Fuck... I thought I had more in reserve..." His roommate mumbled as he pinned him to the bed, shaking slightly as he kissed (name)s neck feverishly "what..." (Name) Gasped as he felt something puncture his neck and a whine left his lips as his roommates hands held (name)s wrists against his bed.
He was so tired, having gone to bed after the grocery shop and he knew his roommate was fidgety but... "Sorry..." He whispered as he removed his fangs and licked (name) neck clean before pulling back, guilt washing over his face before feeling... "Oh" he said and (name) followed his eyes to realize that while getting bitten by his roommate (name) popped a boner and looked back up to meet his roommates gaze flustered and embarrassed "I- uh..."
"Sorry for biting you, I thought I had more reserve" he said getting closer and (name) fidgeted and looked away "I get it if you wanna move out, that was pretty shitty of me to do" his vampire roommate said and (name) bit his lip shyly "I feel this... Is a dumb Segway to tell you I have feelings for you" (name)s voice trembled slightly, this is now how he imagined confessing and god-- what if he didn't like him back and he looked like an idiot--" I like you too, guess I can do this then.." slightly cold lips touched his own, soft and plush as fangs gently scraped his lips as they began kissing slowly and a soft moan left (name)s lips.
"How are you feeling today though... Haven't taken from a person in a while..." His roommate fretted as he looked over (name) and his wound "I'm a bit dizzy.... But I'm ok..." He whispered as his roommate gently pecked his lips as comfort before adjusting so (name) could sit up "so... What happened?" (Name) Asked as he grabbed his pillow and covered his still present erection as his roommates boyfriend? Sighed "well... You know how you said you would be a delicious pop tart?"
"Yeah...?"
"Well that + me having a crush on you + being semi hungry..."
"Oh... Oh!" (Name) Quickly connected and things started making more sense "so the mini fridge..."
"You're handling this way better than I expected" the vampire said softly and a tad bit nervous "well... It explains a LOT" (name) shrugged before wincing slightly as he was just bitten "and I mean you're still my roommate... So are we like... Boyfriend or...?" (Name) Asked nervously as he played with the pillow in his lap "only if you want to be" his roommate said softly and (name) nodded "yeah... I would really like that" (name) said happily and his boyfriend moved to kiss him.
"And I promise not to bite you again" his roommate said as he set (name) on the couch, the two moving to the living room after a nice makeout session in (name)s room, the human having a dizzy spell so it was time for a cookie and orange juice.
"But what if I wanted you to do it again?" (Name) Said shifting nervously as the other set the food and drink down, (name) watched as the cogs turned in his head and then the realization clicked "oh? You like it when I bite you?" He asked as he watched the other eat his cookie "I mean... You did give me a boner" (name) said, his erection just now going down as the other hummed "alright but... I promise not to take it often, don't want you unconscious"
Their lives went on normally save for a few new additions like making out basically everywhere in the apartment and sharing a bed as both found they were fairly clingy with cuddles.
"O-oh..." (Name) Whined as he felt the other lift his shirt to nip at his chest, fangs scraping lightly across his nipple before sucking and biting, his other hand tugging at the other nipple as (name) sat in his lap stroking their erect cocks together as they both let out soft breaths and moans "fuck..." Did sucking blood somehow a god at sucking his chest? God his dick sucking game must be legendary...
"You know you're mumbling right?" His boyfriend looked up at him and (name) grew flustered as the other went close to his ear "and my dick sucking game is unmatched" before licking the shell of his ear, kissing down and heaving hickeys as he went and pushed (name) down so that he was laying on their bed, his boyfriends hands firmly on his hips as he took (name)s cock in one go, hollowing out his cheeks as he began sucking slow and hard.
His tongue rubbed the base of his cock as his fangs just barely scraped the sides, the actions causing (name)s eyes to roll back and thankfully the vampire had his hands on the others hips as (name)s hips began jerking to chase the vacuum that was his boyfriends mouth.
"S-shit-- I'm gonna..!" (Name) Came down his throat as his toes curled and knees buckled, the vampire drinking every drop with a hazy expression before pulling off "you wanna go all the way? It's ok if you don't wanna" he soothed as (name) shook, sweating as he felt the other kiss his forehead "maybe... Tomorrow night... We could?" He asked and the vampire chuckled "yeah baby, I'll make it real special for ya" his voice though teasing, his eyes said something different.
And (name) couldn't wait for tomorrow.
#oc x male reader#oc x reader#vampire x reader#vampire x male reader#male reader#x male reader#male reader smut#smut
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König NSFW headcanons
It was certainly a close call on the last poll, but König won! So, as promised, here are some NSFW headcanons of this absolute behemoth of a man 😎
I also like König, personally, but it will never not be hilarious to me that this dude doesn't have nearly as much screentime, development, and well, almost everything compared to other characters like Price or Ghost yet SKYROCKETED to popularity while the other members of KorTac are ignored 😭 Ppl like what they like ig.
(I completely understand that this type of content is not everyone's cup of tea, and that's ok! But, please scroll and ignore if this type of content isn't your thing as opposed to leaving any sort of negative comments.)
NSFW under the cut.
-He's quite obviously noticed by now that he's tall as fuck.
-And the cocky bastard 100% uses that to his advantage.
-Will back you up against anything and trap you there. The wall, a countertop, a corner, anywhere and everywhere he can trap you with his body.
-Now, how him trapping you plays out depends on how you act.
-If you're more playful and disobedient? He's a lot more rough, more demanding, more determined to pin you down and take what he wants.
-"Are you going to do what I say? Or are you going to keep acting like a fucking slut?"
-But if you're more inclined to submit to him, he's the exact opposite. He treats you so delicately, as if you were an expensive vase he doesn't want to break.
-"Oh, I'm sorry, meine liebe. Did I startle you? I didn't mean to."
-Then he's gently pulling you into his chest as his giant hands roam your body.
-Major size kink. The shorter you are compared to him = the gentler he is. Just feel like he doesn't have the heart to be too harsh on you if the height difference is more drastic.
-"No, no, no. I'm not doing that to you, meine liebe."
-His hands run all over your body in a gentle manner, practically cooing and begging at you to change your request. He's too anxious about hurting you if you're much shorter.
-"I don't think you could take it, schatz. You're so much smaller than me, there's no way it won't hurt for you."
-Does love hearing you beg, though. So if you ask really nicely, and repeat your chosen safeword like 50 times, and give him more time to prep you, he might give in.
-"Fine, fine. But, you tell me the moment it hurts, ja? Ja, good. Good girl/boy."
-The way he acts is honestly so dependant on how his partner acts, although he almost always insists on being dominate. That's set in stone.
-But as much as he insists on being on top, he won't be too rough unless you have consented beforehand and act like more of a brat.
-So focused on your eyes at all times, not just when he's pounding you.
-"What? Why are you eyeing me like that?"
-And then when you beg for sex, he'll chuckle with his arms crossed, an amused smirk on his face.
-"Oh, that's why. Alright, fine. I'll give you what you want."
-Does make you beg no matter how you act, though.
-"If, and only if, you ask nicely."
-And if you refuse? May God have mercy on you, because König certainly won't.
-"And just who the hell are you to speak to me that way, huh? When did you become such a brat?"
-Narrows his eyes and is absolutely appaled when you swear at him. Like, hand to his chest, overly dramatic ass expression on his face as if you've actually hurt his feelings and this isn't all consensual.
-"Fine, then I'll just find a better use for that filthy little mouth of yours."
-A huge sucker (no pun intended) for blowjobs.
-If you're someone who likes it rougher and prefers being a brat, he's gonna go a bit harsher on your throat. He gives you a long af lecture for no reason, ranting while his giant fingers dig into your hair.
-"Why do you make things so difficult, liebling? Why?"
-Big fan of fucking you dumb. Prays that he's able to basically turn your mind to mush everytime. And when he does, his ego skyrockets.
-"It must be because you're such a little slut for me. Is that right? Habe ich damit recht, liebling? Was für eine Schlampe du für mich bist."
-But, if you give him a blowjob and are listening to him, it'd go something more like this.
-"You don't have to take it all at once, schatz. It's too much for you."
-"Careful, darling. Don't choke on my cock, now. Don't make your throat sore."
-And he's gently rubbing the back of your head, content hums and moans falling from his lips as he admires you sucking his cock.
-5 inches soft, 7 inches hard and you already know it's fat asf (lord have MERCY 😶)
-Carries you around a lot. Will gladly fuck you with you in his arms if you let him.
-Always grabbing onto your hips, thighs, and even your belly if you're chubbier. He just needs a partner he can grab onto while having sex.
-Really likes to tap the tip of his cock against your clit/dick/ass. Smiles if it makes you twitch a little.
-Praises your pussy/ass constantly for how tight it is.
-"Fuck, this pussy/ass is so tight. Feels so good.."
-And it's either he's cumming super deep inside of you, or he's pulling out at the last minute to paint your pussy lips/ass cheeks with his cum.
-Always enjoys seeing the finished product afterwards, whether it's inside or on you.
-And if you're chubbier? He wants to cum on that belly. In fact, he will. There's barely anything to stop him (besides you using your safeword, ofc) from cumming on your belly.
-"There we go, my perfect little liebling. You look so pretty/handsome painted in my cum."
-He also seems to count eating you out/sucking you off as aftercare. He'll gladly, and very gently, use his mouth on you so you can cum again.
-Then for the actual aftercare, it's fairly simple. He doesn't talk much, just wanting to pass out, but he'll put your head on his chest, a hand on your back with light kisses pressed to your scalp. He allows himself to become your bed as you both drift off.
-And don't worry if you'd prefer more talking for doing so well for him, he'll be sure to properly praise you tomorrow. The entire morning after sex, he's doting upon your every whim, ensuring that he didn't hurt you at all.
Translations: mein/meine = my
Liebling = darling
Schatz = treasure/sweetheart
Liebe = love
Habe ich damit recht, liebling? Was für eine Schlampe du für mich bist. = Am I right about that, darling? What a slut you are for me.
Yall I wrote this while half asleep, I'm so sorry if there's any spelling mistakes 😭
I also had fun with this. I love König just as much as the next basic König lover who's only ever heard of him from tiktok, but I cannot take him 100% seriously, as terrifying as he is 😭 its probably bc of his voice ngl.
Anyways, Ghost is up next! Hope you enjoyed.
#könig smut#könig x reader#call of duty#cod x reader#könig cod#könig call of duty#könig#könig mw2#könig x fem reader#könig x male reader#könig x y/n#könig x you#cod smut#cod#nsfw.
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Have you thought about doing a story from a coach point of view maybe fucking a couple jocks along the way to see some new perspectives and maybe couple cum soaked jockstrap for good measure?
Coach Jason is a large muscular man, he wears tight lycra alot and loves his boys. He crafted each on of them , the perfect big, dumb, horny, football jocks, mindless and obedient to him, he can't get enough of the thrill of watching ugly poor nerds grow and drool , until they cum their brains out. He sometimes allows the jocks to fuck him, pleasure him, just the sights of there cum stained dripping jock straps is enough to get him hard. His boys are always ready to welcome a new jock into the team, all rock hard dicks and drooling, vacant eyes, they jack off sniffing their cleats in the locker room a lot
Coach Jason loves his life, turning boys into men, having them obey him , fuck him, and pleasure him. He's always thought this is where his life would be.
But one day, while coach jason Was in his office, he looked at his recent transformations team file, aaron, a shy small boy, an artist, lonely, he can still recall the drool, the dumb slac grin, and his rock hard dick cumming his brains out. It was everything. But then he had a thought
What would it be like to join them? The thought confused him, why would be want that, he's there coach, that's insane, but the idea permeated his mind, what would it be like to see it from there prospective?
He tries to focus on something else , trying to forget the idea
A while later at practice, he sends the jocks out to run laps,
But
he still can't let go of the thoughts, his hard dick betraying his objection, he tries to move past it but his dick stays hard, his heart pumping, and his mind constantly in a battle of focus, coach Jason stands on the side lines as he watches, their muscles bugle, their cleats shine, their bulges large ,the huts and grunts of them running, free of care, and worry, only sex, winning, only football on their minds, coach thought to himself, maybe they would all gain a bit of free will if he did join them, to no longer need a master to guide them, he tries to shake the thoughts, the shine of their helmet in his eyes, he cant help but wonder what it would be like, to be like them, maybe they would all just be gain some will back , being jocks and they would grow up into notable jocks, including him, or would he be destined to obey another coach , like his jocks , even though he himself would loose everything and become like them, he wouldn't be able to return, to him it's a permanent change, he would become a dumb drooling football jock, never to remember his coach life, he would just be a jock, he had to make a choice, be a jock, or a coach,.
soon enough the jocks notice coaches quietness and try questioning coach if he's doing ok, Aaron speeks up in a big bro voice, dumb, but concerned, lots of bro ,dude and brah language with this one, he flexes and drools a bit asking, his eyes vacant like the rest, his bulge big and hardening*
Coach Jason looks up, oh. Yeah Aaron, I'm good, just thinking about plays *smiles fakely* please go back to practice,
The team jogs up, forgetting the incident almost instantly, turning their minds to football, they all drool dumbly as they run.
Coach Jason stands there leaning against the wall, his heart beats fast, sweating, his dick raging, throbbing in his pants, becoming sensitive and leaking pre, his mind in a frenzy. The thought so strong in his head, clouding his judgement.
*fuck fuck fuck... Coach exclaims ,
Beh can't take it, he needs its it, he wants it, his throbbing cock trying to control his emotions, he goes to the locker room and finds Aaron's cummy extra jock strap and cleats the smell of Aarons sweat, warm and ripe, stained with cum, he can't take it, the urge to be a jock, but he wants to resist , but, remembeirng how Aaron resisted at first, .. coach takes this throbbing cock out, and straps the cleat and jock strap to his face, breathing in the jock fumes, immediately making him so horny he spasms and cums a puddle , constantly load after load even drooling, he hopes his will clam him down, Aaron is bright in his mind, the thought, the desire , his muscles, his smell, his cleats, his drool... His cum... Bro., he hears Aaron, in his head, like an illusion , he can see himself... No.. a jocked version of him, after the helmet, drooling, eyes dull and a big dumb grin standing next to Aaron, jock jason telling coach To cummmm joinnn them, , over and over , Put on the helmet... To join them.. aaron keeps whispering into coaches brain... Join them... Aaron holding a helmet and moving to towards the coach .. join me...becum... Free ... Brooo you know you want too bro....., just cum join meeeeee...
In this haze if arousal , coach allows the vision of Aaron to put the helmet on his head, , his mind shuts down, his cock like a hose of cum, and his mouth drooling, as his mind is destroyed and wiped, draining from him, his muscles grow and bulge, but he gets shorter, younger, more muscular, a short crop hairstyle and a 12 Inch dick to match. His mind being filled with nothing but football. Sex and his bros, his bro..Aaron...
The former coach remembers at that moment.. he was just Jason.. a big . Dumb, football, jock .
His mind frenzy ends as he takes off the jock strap and cleat, drooling and still leaking cum, sitting in a puddle of his own cum, he immediately becomes hard again
*Yeahhh brahhh fuc brahhh .. so fuckin horny* he jacks off his dick again, cumming again in 4 jerks, he layed in his cum puddle for a while, letting his dick leaks and his mind fog up with sex
A while later the team comes back to the locker room, and finds Jason.... There new bro.. but they all know Aaron's his long time bro.. they all huddle around and begin drooling and jacking off laughing.
Jason. And Aaron laugh together
Yo bro... Ya gud? Aaron said
Yaaa bruhhh fuck imm hung .. broo, Jason said back
Fuck brooooo same... ,
Their vacant horny eyes meet,, north drooling, sweaty,, covered in cum, they get closer together and they start to fuck
The team joins in, a big dumb jock orgy
They are all oblivious to the fact their coach is gone or that jock jason only now became real .
To them Jason was always there , at least to Aaron that is, they were best bros..
Just two big, dumb, muscular , football, jock
As it was always meant to be
____
Another story, crushed! Nailed it
I hope you enjoyed it!
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MALE BG3 COMPANIONS TURN ONS/KINKS +18
FEMALE BG3 COMPANIONS
NON-COMPANIONS/NON-ORIGIN COMPANIONS
A/N: i limited myself to just 5 per companion otherwise this would get wayyyy too long lol but if u guys want pt. 2 let me know 💗
ASTARION
CORRUPTION
ok this is mostly because he has more than one instance in the game where he mentions virgins lol. i think he would totally get off on "corrupting" someone inexperienced and sweet, like i can see him loving the idea of teaching u or showing u new things. will poke fun at how innocent u are and the whole time he's ROCK fucking hard 😭😭
BRAT TAMING
this man loves to play games. he likes people who have nerve but mostly because it feels so good to put them in their place. the act of MAKING u obey is so hot to him and soooo fun (he’s also into how it humiliates u by making u submit)
AGE DIFFERENCE
NOW LISTEN !!! LISTEN he is OLD !!!! as FUCK !!! he's been alive a longggg time. i think it probably turns him on to be more experienced than u not only in bed but in general. ok i will come clean i'm thinking of the conversation he has with wyll about the word "agog". like secretly he probably loves that ur so young and dumb 💗 (even if ur not actually young, just young in comparison to him) he feels some kind of superiority when he bestows his old man wisdom upon u ⚡️🧙♂️ also it prolly adds some "forbidden" or "taboo" feeling to the sex that he likes 🤫
BONDAGE
the fact that u trust him enough to do something like this is so hot. he likes to watch u struggle against the restraints while he teases or overstimulates u. probably the type to use silk or fluffy handcuffs lol. afterwards he’ll kiss any bruises/marks left behind (the best part)
DACRYPHILIA
I ALWAYS SAY THIS IM SORRY but since he has that sadistic side i genuinely think he's into seeing u cry. the sounds/faces u make and seeing u reduced to such a vulnerable state. will try to overstimulate u to the point of tears so he can wipe them off ur face and make u clean them from his fingers hehe 💗
GALE
TEMPERATURE PLAY
OF COURSE this mf is using magic for this. he'll get pretty creative with it too— ooh wait bondage using ICE restraints??? yes ??? no ??? can he do that ??? anyway. he will tease a lot by switching between hot and cold, mostly because he loves watching how u react. likes if u use it on him too but not as much as he likes using it on u.
EXHIBITIONISM/VOYEURISM
i think he’s the type of dude to want to watch u touch yourself. and vice versa. will also want to jerk off while watching clone!gale fuck u. he’ll want to fuck in places where u guys might get caught too, mostly because he wants to show u off and make other people envious
SEX TOYS
^^ like i said before he’ll want to watch u use toys on urself, also might like it if u let him tell u how to use it. he’ll use some too, but usually only if u want to watch him use it on himself (or if u use them on each other obv). he doesn’t really use them much alone. the exhibition part is what’s most exciting to him
FACESITTING
probably one of his favorite positions honestly. he just really likes to eat u out and he’s soooo good at it. loves the feeling of ur weight on his body and how u grind against his face. it also gives him lots of access to ur thighs so he can squeeze and kiss them 💗💗
CLONING
i already mentioned how he’ll watch clone!gale fuck u. but he will also want to tag team/double team u with clone!gale 😭😭. can he do clones of other people? if he can he might also like making a clone of u too. that would be the craziest foursome ever holy shit LMAOO imagine getting fucked by URSELF (he would be so into watching that honestly that’s a gale top 3 fantasy moment)
WYLL
BREEDING
i think he wants to have so many babies. and to stuff u full of babies. filling u up with his cum is so hot to him and he will go multiple rounds just to really get it in there LMAO also really likes the way his cum looks when it’s leaking out of u 💗
PRAISE
he loves to give AND receive praise. he will tell u how ur doing so good for him and how beautiful u look. BUT he also wants u to tell him how good he’s making u feel and how handsome he is (he’ll lowkey get kind of insecure if ur too quiet, he really feeds off of how u respond) he also likes praise in the form of noises too if ur too shy to say anything lol
ROLEPLAY
i think he would he into roleplaying a little bit. particularly him being a knight and u being his prince/princess. will want u to dress the part and everything. he really gets off seeing u in the regal get up— i don’t think he would go too overboard with the knight thing though (like putting on an entire steel knight outfit 😭😭 that would take too long to get off. he’d combust) but he’ll prolly put on a little chainmail or something if u want.
CLOTHED SEX
yeah he’s going to want to fuck u with the princess/prince fit ON. but also i think he’d really be into dry humping tbh….. like if he’s saving himself until marriage then i don’t think he sees dry humping as real sex so it’s okay ooohh that’s so naughty wyll 😈��� probably loves to watch u get off on his thigh through ur clothes
SENSORY DEPRIVATION
THIS…… might be far fetched…… but i feel like he’d be into this. like blindfolding (yes he’d let u blindfold him too), wearing gloves when u touch each other and etc….. wait the gloves is actually so hot though like leather gloves? imagine he blindfolds u and then touches u with the gloves on…. ooh baby
FEMALE BG3 COMPANIONS
NON-COMPANIONS/NON-ORIGIN COMPANIONS
#bg3#baldurs gate 3#astarion#gale dekarios#wyll ravengard#astarion ancunin#gale bg3#wyll bg3#my headcanons
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Honestly dude? I kinda brought this on myself. Definitely coulda gone a little softer on my bro... I mean boyfriend, but like, come the fuck on! He came home every fuckin' day from practice, kicking off his rank shoes, and stomped all over the house leaving nasty sweaty footprints on the hardwood bro! Then he fuckin' thinks it’s cute to sneak up and hug me with his soaked tank top, as if his funk wouldn't ruin my clothes! What the fuck!
Ok, ok, looking back after everything that happened, maybe I shouldn't have called him a Nasty Sweatrag, and told him to soak himself in bleach next time... Especially not in front of the creepy Goth kid, who happens to be his little brother!
One moment, I was just shouting at him, really laying it on him, sick of the sweat and the time he spent with his bros. I guess I was a bit jealous, but damn dude! I'm his bro! I mean, his girlfriend... or at least I was, until I made him cry and his brother glared from the corner of the room, seething.
In that split second before my stomach heaved, I knew I'd fucked up bad. Like, really bad bro! The world fuckin spun, I hacked and spluttered, then everything went black. I woke up later that day in a bedroom that was distinctly mine, but totally different. When I sat up and noticed my B-Cups were flat, solid, and square, my nipples small and pointing downward with the new bulk, I knew I was fucking JACKED brah! I, I mean I was fucked... this is a bad thing damn it! I'm not some lumbering meathead! fuck!
Anyway, I tossed my sheets, and noticed the rest of me. I was definitely taller, with big, clammy feet like my best bro... I mean boyfriend's, dangling off the end of my bed. My legs were thick, solid and capable of carrying the added bulk I'd suddenly packed on. The entire room reeked of humid funk. There were dirty clothes all over the floor by the hamper, battered, worn old sneakers and cleats by door in a heap, and my Vanity had become a fuckin' beast of a gaming rig dude! Fuck yeah! Wait... no, I don't game damn it! I'm not a fuckin' dude!
the rest of the room had changed similarly. Everything that could have pointed to a female living here, was now distinctly male. And that of a Big, Dumb, Sweatrag of a dude, as I'd called my bro earlier. However... it didn't bother me. I could barely smell it over the pungent fog that came from my muscled-up body. I was swole! And kinda gross dude, not gonna lie... But like, I can't fuckin help it! It’s like there's a fuckin' furnace inside me, burning up everything it’s got to keep me pumped and riled, on edge so bad I can't stop myself from fidgeting. my hands just, do their thing dude! One minute I'm lookin' in the mirror, the next I'm groping my fuckin Rod... I, woah... ok, it might be getting worse! I meant my fuckin' cock! I, I mean dick! Fucking damn it!
You know what, whatever. like I said, one minute I'm standing there, the next I've got my dick in my hand, or groping my fuckin nuts like those behemoths at the gym! Or it'll slide up my shirt, lifting it up while I don't even realize it. There’re all kinds of fuckin' weird dude things happening, and I can't stop any of it! My bod fuckin does as it wants if I'm not actively fighting it! The worst, and I mean it, the absolute fuckin worst, is when I've just scratched my junk good, and suddenly, like fuckin instinct, I'm sniffin' my fuckin fingers like a damn animal! What the fuck dude! All the fuckin' bros say its natural, that its some caveman shit... I might believe them, because it happens with my pits too! Just, standing there hittin' up one of the pretty chicks... I... I mean uh... my old friends... and then wham! sweaty pit fingers all up in my grill!
My Bro's little brother, the creepy Goth kid caught up with me when I'd all but sprinted the few blocks to his and my bro.. I mean my fuckin' boyfriend's house. I was just coming to terms with the fact that I'd hauled ass down the street, half naked, when He opened the door, and busted out laughing. Even when I had him dangling off the floor by his hoodie, threatening to squash his scrawny little pipsqueak ass, he cackled, before his eyes flared, and in an instant, his hand was out, my nipple in his fingers, as a cold pain flashed over my chest, and I looked down to see my nip was pierced, a silver barbell forcing it to stick out, perked up and stiff.
My jaw fell, and I dropped his ass, trying to form words as this wild, aggression filled me. The fuckin' goth punk crossed his arms and smirked, just as the piercings, or rather, the hex he'd put on them, erupted to life. I felt as if my brain was being squeezed from the inside, as if this fuckin' loser had his hands on it, wringing it out like a wet towel. I clutched my head, stumbling until I hit the couch, and sat, my legs splaying wide to give my fuckin' junk some room, like any dude does, when I felt the pressure lesson, and a strange, warmth began to flow from the back of my head, down my spine, and settled into my fuckin balls dude! It was like having all your smarts and who you are, drained down and stored where it belongs bro! Brains in your fuckin balls!
Fuck... no wait! He said if I couldn't fight it, if I didn't learn what it was like being an athletic dude, I'd lose everything I was, and end up just another sweaty meathead, lumbering around the gym, lifting big, gettin fucking swole, and plowing my way through chicks until graduation! I had to fight it; I couldn't give up. And my bro wasn't fuckin' helping!
He was always a fuckin' Golden Retriever, happy and dopey and dumb, I shoulda realized he was a good dude and I was lucky, before I'd been Bro'd up and brain squeezed out! Now, my fuckin' bro loves taking me to the gym, putting this body through its paces, even throwing fuckin shade when he got a whiff of my fuckin' pits! He laughs, but dude? I'm fuckin ripe, always am since his little brother turned up the juice and made sure I fit right in with the bros. My bro... boyfriend... finds it hilarious when he catches me flexing in the mirror while pumpin' out reps, or when I have to peel off my tank cus it got too damn soaked! Just look at my fuckin boxer briefs bro! See that sweat? Thats a fuckin' Man's sweat! I'm a fuckin beast bro!
All I had to do was last 1 week. Live like a fuckin dude for 7 days, learn my lesson, and I'd have my old life back. That shouldn't have been hard... well, I shouldn't have been hard, when my best friend Laura forgot what was in my fuckin pants one night while I stayed over, and fuck if I didn't end up railin' her for a good hour, before I realized too late that I'd be stuck as a sweaty dude if I shot my 5-day pent up load! She gave me no option. Teasing me about being a big dumb meathead, all brawn, no brains, thinking with my fuckin' dick, and the last straw, the moment that ensured I'd be a dude forever, was when she bit and nibbled her way down my neck, her nails leaving red scratches along my fuckin back, until she bit my nipple, playing with the barbell with her tongue, and I fuckin lost it. Just fuckin plowed in, balls deep, and shot my load. That was it, everything that had made me a girl, had unloaded with high velocity into my best friend's belly. I nearly blacked out, my big feet scrabbling in the sheets trying to get deeper as my balls drained desperately. When it was over, I fell to the side in bed, gasping as she panted and giggled, tracing her nails through the sweat dribbling down my pecs. It’s been a month since I'd lost both my temper, and my female body... but fuckin look at me brah?! The bros and I are fuckin swole! My bro says I'm far better off this way, and Laura does her part, keeping the damn Male Aggression and insatiable need in my balls, satisfied. There's a reason dudes are the way they are. Sometimes, they just can't help it.
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