#dude is just losing his mind

[masterhallmark]

I already made a post about Don Karnage being devastated if he found out he wasn't the main character of Talespin, followed by a reply about him demanding to know why Baloo (a cargo pilot) is the main character.

Now imagine him finding out about all the whacky adventures Baloo went on

"What do you mean he had a run-in with the mobster Owl Capone and stopped him!?"

"What do you mean he stopped a crazy mad scientist?!"

"What do you mean he got the Idol of Doom and had to fight El Gato?!"

"What do you mean he stopped an evil vizier from taking over the kingdom of Macadamia while flirting with the princess?!"

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN HE HELPED KATIE DODD FIND THE LOST CITY OF TINABULA, AND STOPPED A VILLAIN IN THE PROCESS!?"

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN HE'S A LONG LOST BARON WHO HAD MANY ATTEMPTS ON HIS LIFE!?"

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN HE FOUND THE LOST CITY OF PANDA-LA, AND THFN STOPPED THEM FROM INVADING CAPE SUZETTE?!"

"A LAND OF DINOSAURS!? ARE YOU KIDDING ME!? HE WAS TRICKED BY A POACHER INTO FINDING A LAND INHABITED BY DINOSAURS!? AND THE DINOSAURS WERE ALIVE BECAUSE OF A MAGICAL WATERFALL!?"

"HOW IS HE HAVING SO MANY MORE DARING ADVENTURES AS A CARGO PILOT THAN I DO AS A DASHING PIRATE!? MEN! SCREW THE PLUNDERING FOR A BIT, WE NEED TO FIND AN ADVENTURE TO GO ON!"

[ew-selfish-art]

Dp x Dc wherein learning magic is similar to learning how to play music. 

So basically, the creation of a summoning spell is like a full composition/song made of smaller components or ‘notes’ for things like gravity shifting, and geolocation, and transportation etc. which is why Magic can be taught and spells can be man-made. 

Danny, however, is the equivalent of having Perfect Pitch. He can compose entire songs of spells without really thinking about it due to his royal titles (ambassador/king/high prince) but doesn’t really know how to be specific which lands him in some trouble with Clockwork. His portals are coming along a lot better with the help of Wulf but its critical that Danny learns how to control the range of his magic *something something, for the timestream something* *blah blah according to the will of the ancients blah blah*. 

So put on the course to learn Magic, Danny decides to hunt down the House of Mystery and study up by himself. He’s doing community college online, what could a little bit of Magic self study really do to his schedule? This place has literally every magic resource he could need! 

Turns out he has a roommate in the House of Mystery- John Constantine does not take well to the fact that half of the spells Danny is creating are causing him issues with the JL. Random shit appearing, random shit disappearing, portals everywhere and don’t get him started on the fucking ICE present on every bloody thing the magic reaches. Not to mention there is no reason a normal human kid should be able to have this much power behind his spells. 

John attempts to teach Danny the basics like a little kid gets stickers placed on the keys of a piano. The problem is Danny has the ability to compose entire scores of Magic all on his own, and absolutely abhors the training wheels John is putting on him. 

Danny: You’re patronizing me! 

John: You deserve to be patronized. 

Just like, Danny learning Magic in various ways that you might teach kids to play musical instruments from the various Magic users in the JLD. Causing chaos along the way, found family, the whole nine. Stickers on the instruments for notes, taking away guitar strings that are ‘more advanced’ and replaying Twinkle, Twinkle little star over and over again. 

Danny can play the Magic equivalent of Tchaikovsky’s Swan Lake but cannot play Chopsticks. 

[glow-worms-are-believers]

Break a leg (dp x dc)

"So, the food here is pretty sweet," the girl sitting next to him starts.

Damian hums before remembering he's supposed to be gathering intel and that means he has to talk to people.

"There aren't a lot of vegetarian options," he manages with a tight smile, making sure to look like he is stressed over the audition.

"Oh yeah, that's true," the girl says and falls quiet for a moment.

Damian looks back down at the script he's reading, though he knows the lines by heart. And then the girl speaks up again.

"So how'd you get here?" she says as she swings her legs. "My name's Dani by the way, what's yours?"

Damian folds up the papers carefully. "I'm Stephan," he says. "My agent suggested I try out for a movie role." He offers the girl a convincing shy smile. "How about you?"

"Some guy came up to me and wanted me to audition for this. I thought he was a child trafficker so I followed him. Turns out he wasn't and now I'm here," the girl said before shrugging.

"Why did you follow a man who you thought was a child trafficker?"

"To beat him up," the girl answered.

"Oh." Damian is going to assume that's a joke, if only to preserve his last bit of faith in human intelligence. He's pretty sure every child knows to go away from criminals, not towards.

"Who are you auditioning for?" Dani asks.

"I'm trying for Lennox," Damian answers, shuffling his papers as if nervous.

"A lead," the girl exclaims before extending a fist. "Nice, dude. I believe in you." Damian internally sneers at the gesture but outwardly, he smiles sheepishly and knocks his knuckles against hers. "I'm going for Abigail," the girl continues. "If this goes well, we might end up working together soon, huh?"

"Hopefully," Damian answers with a smile.

Dani smiles back widely and is about to answer when a lady steps out into the room.

"Danielle Nightingale?"

The girl gets to her feet with a chirped "present!" The lady gestures to follow before walking back out. Dani looks over to Damian. "Wish me luck!" she says before twirling away without giving Damian the chance to actually answer.

Damian sits in silence as he looks back down at the script when his earpiece crackles to life.

"Wow, baby bat, that was downright sweet," Brown's whistle comes over the coms. "When's the wedding?"

"I will hurt you," Damian hisses back, hiding his mouth behind the papers.

"Just saying," she sing-songs. "You were awfully chummy out there."

"I was trying to follow your instructions," he bites out quietly. "Or would you have preferred I didn't?"

"No, no, I prefer my civilians un-stabbed," Spoiler answers lightly. "I just didn't know you had it in you."

"I was trained for infiltration," Damian points out. "I know how to lie."

"That is good news because we need you to get on that crew," Brown says. "Ready to blow their minds?"

Damian lets himself have a little smirk, hidden behind the script. "They won't know what hit them."

[sleepy-steve]

🧠🪱 Wiggly Wednesday Thursday 🧠 🪱

thank you for tagging me @stervrucht 🖤

no pressure tags: @frankenstein-ate-my-left-shoe @stevesbipanic and of course anyone else that would like to ♡

thinking about Steve and Eddie who, after going through rounds of physical therapy after everything, continue to work out together because Steve obviously loves it and loves having a friend to work out with. and Eddie notices the difference in his stamina when he gets back to performing on stage. (and if Eddie likes to watch Steve work out a little bit, and likes Steve coming over to help his form more than a little bit, well that’s his business.) but Steve takes a dance class and shakes up his usual warmup, leaving Eddie with some… thoughts.

***

“Okay, Munson,” Steve says, pulling his arm across his body for a shoulder stretch. “You ready?”

“Ready to be tortured? Always,” Eddie jokes. It was their thing. Eddie acts like he hates being there, but he still shows up every other day to their local gym in Indianapolis. And he won’t ever deny the benefits he’s noticed since starting their exercise regime. He's faster on stage, doesn't get winded near as easily, holding those screaming notes without feeling like his lungs will explode. Little did he know that today his joke would come to be true.

Steve liked most kinds of exercise. He was a sporty guy. He liked the pull and stretch of his muscles, the feeling of accomplishment after achieving a new goal, that delicious soreness the day after a really good workout. But mostly he loved trying new things. He’d give anything half a chance if he thought it might be fun. Which is how he ended up at a dance-aerobics class the week prior, finding himself having a lot of fun, blushing furiously when the women in the class complimented how quickly he picks up the steps.

He went back three more times that week. Part of his enjoyment came from the new warmup he was taught in the class. Steve’s usual warmup consisted of basic stretches and a light jog, covering all bases to ensure he didn’t get injured, but not very exciting.

This, however, was far more enjoyable. Steve found himself sinking deep into stretches he didn't know he had flexibility for, and moving his hips to a beat, ultimately just having way more fun with the warmup. And it was about to become a huge problem for Eddie.

Steve pops his headphones over his ears, the tape deck tucked securely in his shorts pocket. He bends over, inhaling deeply as the song starts, rising up with his hands overhead, exhaling as he rolls his wrists, hips moving side to side with the beat. His already short cropped t-shirt rises, showing off a good amount of his chest. He lets his arms come down, bending over again, feeling the pull in his hamstrings. Gripping his elbows, he lets the top half of his body hang, swinging from side to side, his hamstrings fully stretched out.

Eddie looks up from his own basic stretching, shocked to see Steve fully bent over, because hey, since when was he so flexible? With Metallica blaring through his own headphones, Eddie just stares, completely forgetting where he was at in his warmup.

Steve lets his hands drop, moving to one foot, back to the centre, then the other foot. Ass just up in the air, his shorts way too tight. Eddie swallows. He’d been denying his crush for months at this point, and good god this was not helping.

Rolling his shoulders as he stands up, Steve lets his hands travel down his bare thighs, sinking into a squat with his back arched and head tilted back. Eddie's eyes are wide as he watches those tight little shorts with the little cut-ins on the sides ride up, showing far more of Steve's glorious hairy thighs than Eddie can handle. Steve drops his head forward, hunching his shoulders as he moves back to standing. He repeats the motions, and Eddie wishes he had the strength to pull his stare away from Steve's ass.

Seeing Steve's head tilted back and his back arched is sending Eddie insane. Like, he geninely thinks he might evaporate on the spot if he keeps watching. But he just can't look away.

Turning himself sideways, Steve has one foot stepped out in front of the other, legs perfectly straightened into a triangle shape, bent over his front leg. Just when Eddie thinks he’s about to get up and end his suffering, Steve lowers himself down into a lunge. His little shorts definitely way too small and tight for the movement, Steve lunges back and forth, fingertips resting on the ground on either side of his front foot. Eddie watches as the t-shirt rides up with each lunge, the desire to get his lips and tongue all over Steve's chest overwhelming him.

Shaking himself, Eddie tries to remember which shoulder stretch he was up to. He attempts something close to a stretch, but he can’t be sure he's doing it right, because Steve has lowered himself to the ground, front leg bent and back leg perfectly straight, and is fucking thrusting into the ground. If he were to ask Steve, he’d find out this was a hip flexor stretch. But Eddie’s forgotten how to form words entirely, suddenly imagining nineteen different ways he wants to get dicked down by the man before him.

Eddie suffers in silence, heart racing in his chest, watching as Steve repeats the movements on his other side. He prays that the torture ends soon, that they can just get to the workout, and Eddie can go back to pretending he doesn't want to ride Steve until his thighs give out. But Eddie gets no such luck.

Steve has moved into some kind of triangle position, hands on the ground, legs straight, and of fucking course, his ass in the air. Eddie marvels at how straight the shape is, only for a moment, because then Steve is lifting his heels up and down in turn, and jesus christ those tiny little shorts are just riding up, and Eddie can see a hint of Steve's ass peeking out. His jaw drops. He may actually explode.

Just when Eddie's thinking he can't take much more of this, Steve lowers himself down, knees spread wide, arms stretched out in front of him and head tucked down. A wild and rushed series of thoughts fly across Eddie's mind, all centred around Steve kneeling down in front of him. Eddie needs to get it together quickly.

As Steve brings himself back up to the triangle position, walking his feet to meet his hands and rolling his spine up, shoulders and head rolling back last, he sees Eddie taking off for his warmup jog. Assuming that he probably just took too long with his new warmup, Steve shrugs it off and starts his jog shortly after.

Eddie hits his personal best in several weights that day, desperately trying to expend his excess energy in some way. He barely registers the wins, mind still stuck on Steve and his perfect ass in all those new positions. He almost dissolves on the spot when Steve claps him on the shoulder in congratuations.

At the end of their session, Eddie takes a freezing cold shower and prays for the sweet release of death.

[spinjitsuburst]

“Nya and Jay both never say a word to the other ninja about Skybound” are you telling me Nya doesn’t TELL KAI THAT SHE DIED. ARE YOU TELLING ME NYA DOESN’T SEEK OUT HER BIG BROTHER AFTER A NIGHTMARE OR MENTAL BREAKDOWN OR IF HER CHEST IS A LITTLE TOO TIGHT THAT DAY. ARE YOU TELLING ME KAI CAN LOOK AT THE PERSON HE CARES ABOUT MORE THAN ANYONE IN THE WORLD AND NOT INSTANTLY KNOW SOMETHING IS DEEPLY, HORRIBLY WRONG??

THESE TWO RAISED EACH OTHER. NYA WOULD NOT KEEP THIS FROM HIM I AM PHYSICALLY INCAPABLE OF BELIEVING THAT

[zeb-z]

I know it’s played as a bit at first, but Chip struggling to wield Destiny’s Blade in Gillion’s absence is so important, because that’s just it, isn’t it. The weight of his destiny is something so great, so heavy of a burden, but there hasn’t really been insight into that until recently, and now both Chip and Jay are getting a look into just how hard it is to carry such a destiny. To raise the sword that Gillion does seemingly with ease.

But despite its weight, Chip keeps it close. He uses it when he’s out of ideas, when he needs options. He holds it tight to summon water, so Pretzel will have something in her bowl. He lifts it up to summon a shield when he needs protecting from a thousand different blades that would otherwise kill him. And there’s something too about how it’s Gillian’s blade, left behind without it’s wielder, protecting his friends despite his absence. How the manifestation of this magic is an imitation of Gillian’s - the shield protecting Chip as a swirling sphere of water, the shape water spell a Gillion classic of course. Even when he’s gone, his influence, what he’s left behind in both possessions and memory, are protecting Jay and Chip.

Maybe there’s something there about how whatever destiny Gillion has felt the weight of, it will always include protecting his friends - his family. Or about how their destinies are now forever intertwined, because Chip is using this Destiny’s Blade to find Gillion and it’s now his burden to bear. And it’s hard, and it hurts, and he feels the weight of his own actions now more than ever - but Jay promises he won’t bear it alone. And even while he’s lost, and unable to protect himself - Gillion still has a hand in protecting them.

[papersnatch]

i am genuinely fucking obsessed with this stupid plushie. have this doodle i did to satiate my insanity (here's the tweet btw, it's a giveaway, go enter)

and the sol badguy plush looks like a butch lesbian...... as usual

[stealingyourspins]

So if the first Spinjitzu master was the child of a dragon and oni, would it be so far-fetched for the other masters to be dragon children too? Especially with how wonky they are with the timeline.. Like the parents that fought with Wu are probably at least in their 30’s-50’s when the ninjas are born?? Idk I just like to think they’re long lived too.

Or, in which Kai’s self esteem/abandonment issues act up, leaving him feeling unneeded. So dragon puberty combined with getting sick with some fire elemental specific flu decides to throw him into a loop and force himself to be the one cared for, for once in his life. 

-

Kai hasn’t been in a good mindset lately. His siblings don’t seem to need him anymore. Lloyd is (mostly) all grown up and Nya is now a warrior in her own right. He doesn’t have to work in the forge or scrape for odd jobs just to put food on the table. They have a better home than he ever could have dreamed of. They have an allowance. They have a parent guardian that does all the things he shouldn’t have had to do in the first place.

It’s just, the others all have such useful talents. Zane can cook, strategize, and do incredible robot things. Cole had super strength, climbed cliffs like a spider, and was a natural with animals. Jay and Nya could build just about anything they can think of, and Nya always said that his own smith work was shoddy at best. Lloyd was the actual chosen one.

What was he good at other than burning things down?

Kai thought he was past this, past the need to snap out at others and do things alone. He was the last to join the original team. The other three were probably training together for years before he was brought in just because Nya was kidnapped. His entire induction was a trial by fire. It’s just far too easy to fall back into old habits sometimes…

His village was rustic and poor, so far in the outskirts that they didn’t have electric power or indoor plumbing. Nya learned to read before he did,(he still had trouble with it) insisting on her staying in school while he spent all day scrounging up any money he could. Whether from quick jobs or quick fingers. Food was hard to get as a six year old, let alone learning to use the forge with what little he could remember dad teaching him. He had street smarts and improvisation ingrained into him. Thinking on his feet and jumping into action so they could survive another day.

His mood was making him slip, he knew it was but he couldn’t stop it. Sparring against Jay always got him riled up, with all the verbal jabs at his sore spots that normally he could brush off and banter right back. Today he was just angry. Not just his temper but his body feels weird too. Restless, frustrated, sluggish, sore. His skin felt too tight and his muscles ached. His gut and lungs were clogged with soot. His head swims in fog.

Another miss had him slamming into a pillar. Everyone on the side chuckled and it made his chest burn hotter. Kai’s throat rumbled with a growl, a breath of flames licked over his teeth as he abandoned his weapons, loped forward on all fours and pounced, knocking the stunned blue ninja to the ground where they grappled and flipped and rolled through the dust.

Kai’s head lunges forward, teeth snapping together just a second too late to catch an arm. An electric kick to his stomach sends him flying back. Rolling tail over head once, then digging fingers and toes into the dirt till he slides to a stop. Crouched low to the ground, hissing and tensed to pounce again before something black and heavy jumped on his back, wrenching his arms behind him and pinning him in an unbreakable grip.

Kai kicked and screamed and flared his flames against stone skin until falling limp under Cole, exhausted and out of breath. A tickle in his throat turns into a cough, a wad of ash and spit splat on the tiles. 

Cole sighs in relief slowly easing off the other in case he starts up again. Instead Kai keens, tiredly chasing the lost touch. Cole smirks, his fingers petting through the wild hair until the hot head drifts to sleep.

–

“Somebody please tell me WHAT THE HELL THAT WAS ABOUT?!!!” Jay shrieks after watching Kai throw a hissy fit underneath Cole, who was already taking the fire ninja to his room.

“Kai has seemed unusually stressed as of late. Perhaps he is feeling unwell?” Zane says

“Stressed? STRESSED? He tried to BITE me! He went full primal and chased me around like an animal! He grew a tail for Wu’s sake!!”

-

(later after someone goes to check on him, finds his bed buried under a mountain of blankets and clothes stolen from everyone, and runs to Wu)

Wu- “It appears young Kai is experiencing a nesting phase.”

“Nesting?”

Zane- “Nesting. The act of birds or dragons preparing to lay eggs and raise young.”

“He’s pregnant?!”

Wu  “Not necessarily. It is more likely that Kai feels like making one to make himself feel better during his illness.” Wu strokes his beard. “However, if he, or even any of you, decides on a partner in the future it might be possible.”

“He can GET pregnant?? But he’s a guy!”

Wu “Dragons are the very source of creation. Something as small as gender wouldn’t stop a determined dragon.”

“HOW does that work?! Why would he WANT to get pregnant?!!”

“I’ll tell you when you’re older. Maybe a few decades from now.”

-

Is Wu kidding? who knows~ :3 Also would a fever for a fire elemental rise enough to bake the air, and ignite the nest? or douse them into dangerous cold? Having trouble deciding.

[hyperpsychomaniac]

Lol what a nice surprise - Erik is on the cover of the Hilda movie on Netflix.

Look at this bloody fool.

[aroaceleovaldez]

i always see so much of Nico ships where either Nico is the one pining or the focus is almost completely on Nico pining and i feel like we’re missing a lot of opportunity here. Where’s the inverse? Where’s the POVs from [other character(s) of ship] of them falling hard for Nico and just absolutely losing their mind pining over him because he’s so impossible to read that they can’t tell at all if he likes them back or not. Them doing some complicated social dance cause they cannot for the LIFE of them figure out Nico but they’re trying so hard until they finally just tell him outright and find out Nico has liked them back this entire time and they lose their mind just a little bit more. WHERE IS IT.

[whoblewboobear]

Ooooh I’m having Porter thoughts. His masculinity is so performative, he knows how to play into it. He’s comfortable in it but he’s also comfortable not presenting typically masculine. He’s connected to his body and the feelings of it and he can notice a change in it the minute he wakes up and find a way to get back to his base level normal.

But he can’t comprehend his emotions to save his life. He knows rage, he gets anger, but he can go beyond that, he hasn’t stopped at anger in years. He feels and expresses love in the way he does everything else: physically.

Whether it’s through sex, fist fighting, screaming, squeezing the thing so hard until it pops, eating a gift, whatever. If it’s a physical, tangible, bodily expression of love it makes sense to him. But saying it? Hardest thing in the fucking world. Because it requires so much vulnerability and he doesn’t do anything vulnerably. It might fucking kill him.

He loves giving gifts though. He loves cooking. He loves saying “I love you,” in all the ways that don’t involve saying it. The person will understand, right? Jace will understand?

His Jace that is so in tune with his emotions, so vulnerable but in a way that’s so strong to him. He looks at Jace and sees strength in his smiles and soft touches and the kisses he leaves at the corner of his mouth. His Jace that doesn’t hesitate to say I love you for the first time.

Porter still kicks himself for not saying it back in a way that Jace would appreciate. He should’ve said it back, he just didn’t know how.

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

you know i was able to hold myself down quite calmly until you reminded me the website is updating, and now i'm struggling with myself it feels like i put myself in a straight jacket of sorts. BWAH

(i say thing jokingly, BUT I AM THERE WITH YOU I FEEL PHYSICALLY ILL FROM THE EXCITEMENT IM JUST. AUGH) god save us all for when it drops

im so normal.... im so sane.... auahhhhhahh

we're going to collectively lose our absolute marbles ouagh. actual image of us all rn:

[widevibratobitch]

Since we're both as unwell about him as we are I consider you to be someone who knows a fair amount and what do you genuinely think the real James Fitzjames would feel if he saw the Terror's depiction of him? (As in watching the whole show)

HUH good question. first of all i think he'd be a little discombobulated by the very experience of watching a tv show but personally i choose to believe he'd at least be happy he was made into one of the main characters?? and that so many cool and sexy insane people are obsessed with him now <3

having said that. as much as i love show!fitzjames they did nerf him down A LOT. they robbed him of the joyous whimsy that was such a characteristic trait of the real jokester supreme fitzjames (show!fitzjames also has little to no relationship with his irl lieutenant buddies which. sad.)

we also know now that. most probably. he was actually fully english so i can only imagine he'd be Not Pleased about the cairn scene to say it lightly lmao imagine you and your adoptive family making significant efforts throughout your whole life to disguise the fact of your illegitimate birth and then 150 years later some people make a high rating show where they babygirlify you not only spill your secret to the millions of people watching (or secrets, plural, and make you call yourself a fake as a cherry on top lol) but they also get it wrong and make it Even Worse (from a victorian englishman's perspective) like stop guys he's already dead lmfao

having said that. he would have loved the britannia costume and the your nails are a terror line. i know he would.

[savefrog]

ok look ive only mostly had a passive interest in the series and only saw some of the older versions as a teen and idk it's relative popularity in anime circles cause i never hear anyone talk about Ge Ge Ge no Kitarou BUT WAS ANYONE ELSE GOING TO TELL ME THAT THEY MADE KITAROU'S DAD

(Pictured here as a goofy ass lil butt naked eyeball man)

INTO A GODDAMN TUMBLR SEXYMAN???????????

WHAT IS HAPPENING HERE

[o-wild-west-wind]

in my Stede Bonnet era (ignoring my responsibilities & fucking off to the waterside to sit with a cup of tea and my old sailing manual ft. my new best friend, Dryocampa rubicunda)

[kuromi-hoemie]

there's this really funny thing cishet women used to do to me when i was a bi man where, upon learning I'm bi, suddenly pull out their phone to start looking up all their favorite men to see how i feel about them.

and like. I'm bi. i have all the choices in the world and there's all these beautiful queers with cool genders and ways of expressing themselves, and even some cishet ppl who are really just having fun with themselves - and you choose to show me the most boring chiselled men in suits??

by the time we hit somewhere from the 6th to 10th man feelings get HURT before I'm finally asked “well who do YOU think is cute!!?” and I blow their mind with my choices every time because i have good taste.

I'm sorry.. I don't know how to tell you you're picking from the bottom of the barrel here.. have you seen queer people?? the average woman??