#dude i need you to know how fucked up i was about sniper and his parents

[magikkittenz]

something about finding safety in a bed that's long been empty

[slut4hee]

P*$$Y FAIRYꕥ

“Pussy fairy on the way”

{Pairing: Virgin College Student Jay x Blk Succubus Fem! Reader

{Synopsis: Jay didn’t take his best friend’s words seriously when he said “if you write your name on a piece of paper and leave a sample of your blood on it, a sex demon will come and fuck you that same night” So you come and show him that succubus are far from being a myth.

{Genre: smut, supernatural themes, Jay is a bit of an a introvert, Jake as his best friend, reader doesn’t kill her victims she just puts them in a deep sleep afterwards, 18+ so mdni!!!

{Warnings: loss of virginity, rough sex, oral (m receiving), overstimulation, Jay is a big sub in this sorry not sorry, big dick Jay, creampie, cum eating, marking, pet names, demons and angels mentioned, reader is kinda a menace, reader is described to be a thick brown skin fem with a curvy waist and a big butt don’t like it don’t read, reader has sensitivity in her wings basically another g-spot.

It’s Saturday evening and Jay is doing what he usually does on his weekends, which is play video games with his best friend Jake and eat a bunch of junk food. Jay has never been the type to go out and party on the weekends, instead he prefers to be in the comfort of his own home hidden away from the outside world. Unlike Jake who is guaranteed to be seen at every frat party hosted to mankind.

ミ★

Jay rolls his eyes at his best friend’s loud obnoxious laughter that fills his headset, he curses under his breath when his character dies for the 20th time.

“Dude you really fucking suck at this game you know that right?” Jake says in a mocking playful tone.

“Shut the fuck up bro, I got a new keyboard I gotta break it in” Jay defends himself taking a big sip of his cherry cola.

Jay goes to start up another game when suddenly he hears Jake’s phone ping continuously with notifications causing him to groan in annoyance at the sound.

“Dude could you please silence that shit, it’s driving me insane” he rolls his eyes once again as he starts shooting down enemies paying attention to the game on the big monitor screen.

“You’re just not used to hearing any notifications come through your phone because you got no bitches on your dick” Jake says sarcastically and in a fit of laughter.

“Haha very hilarious Jake” Jay bites back with a tinge of annoyance.

“Seriously Park, don’t you think it’s about time you bone something I mean dude you’re 22 years old” Jake says half joking as he shoots down another enemy.

“I mean it’s not like I haven’t thought about it, it’s like every time I get past the first stage and get the girl to my apartment and I tell her I’m a virgin next minute she’s storming out the door with disappointment” Jay said a little bit embarrassed scratching the back of his neck.

“That’s the problem bro, don’t tell them you’re a virgin of course they’re going to kick your ass to the curb“ Jake snorts and curses under his breath when the enemy’s sniper takes him down.

“Fuck no, and make them think I’m a bad fuck I rather keep whacking my shit myself” Jay said with a tinge of sarcasm leaning back in his chair to stretch his limps.

“First of all didn’t need to know that, 2nd of all I mean there’s always sex workers that’s more than willing” Jake said wiggling his eyebrows up and down at the video camera and chuckling.

“Yeah no, I’m not that desperate asshole I won’t stoop that low” Jay rolls his eyes at his friends crazy suggestion.

“How about you summon the Pussy Fairy maybe she could help you out” Jake laughs out loud logging off the game as he starts scrolling on his phone probably checking his notifications that was going off nonstop.

“Bro what are you even saying, there’s absolutely no such thing as a Pussy Fairy where did you even get that shit from?” Jay snickers and questions his best friend I mean who the fuck would believe in such crazy myth.

“Well you know my roommate Heeseung right? Well apparently there’s some type of ritual he did when he was virgin and a sex witch bitch came and fucked the living hell out of him, his words not mines” Jake shrugged his shoulders spinning around in his gaming chair.

“Bro well guess what, Heeseung is full of shit because there’s no such thing as witches and warlocks let alone a sex witch” Jay spits out chuckling to himself and shaking his head.

“Well supposedly all he did was light some candles form them in a circle, and then he got a piece of paper wrote his name on it and put a sample of his blood on it and chanted something five times along the lines of come to me, my body is yours, yours to feed, yours to want, and yours to fuck. Oh wait he also described what type of race, body type and personality he wants his sex fairy to be” Jake nods as he stands up grabbing his phone taking it with him to the kitchen.

“So you mean to tell me if I go full on Bonnie Bennett, a sex demon is gonna come and strip me of my virginity?! You gotta be kidding me Sim” Jay said not really believing anything his friend is saying, he’s never been the type to believe in supernatural stuff, let alone demons and angels.

“Look, I don’t know if what he was saying was true but all I know is the day he told me he was gonna do it, he woke up with scratches and bite marks on his chest and neck, and to top it off he slept for hours dude” Jake said taking a hand full of chips and popping them in his mouth smacking loud and obnoxious.

Jay cringes at the sound of his smacking “You got got proof? If so then I might just believe you” Jay said finding himself a lot more curious about this whole thing then he usually gets when something intrigues him.

“In fact I do” Jake hurries and presses on Heeseung’s contact to pull up their messages, he saves the pictures that Heeseung took of his body and sends it to Jays phone.

“Attachment Sent*

“Did you get it” Jake asks impatiently as he takes another handful of chips in his mouth.

Jay’s breath gets caught in his throat when he sees the bitemarks and scratches on Heeseungs body. He zooms in on the bitemarks on his neck and it looks like whatever or whoever did this to him had to have some pretty sharp teeth. This can’t be real right it has to be photoshopped right? RIGHT?!

“Fuck man, it looks like Dracula got to him look at shape of the teeth marks” Jay said in disbelief still staring at the pictures.

“Well you go ahead and play detective, I’m gonna go and meet my hot date I’ll catch ya later bro” before Jay can protest Jake hangs up the phone leaving Jay in his thoughts.

ミ★

The rest of the evening Jay finds himself replaying Jake’s words and the pictures of Heeseung in his head. He wonders if he truly was able to summon a sex demon and have the best fuck of his life. He sits up in his bed, smacking on his face telling himself to snap out of it but nothing seems to calm his racing thoughts on whether this theory is true.

“Oh what am I even thinking right now, it’s obviously a big joke there’s no such things as witches and sex demons I really gotta be out of my mind I almost fell for that shit” Jay said out loud to himself trying to convince himself to stop thinking about it.

But he can’t stop thinking about it, in fact he’s even stop trying to tell himself not to think about it and that’s how he finds himself digging through his apartment storage closet trying to find any spare candles he might have and to his luck he finds 4 candles. He grabs his notebook ripping a blank white page from it, he grabs his case of supplies and pulls out a paper clip.

As he starts to form the candles, he recalls Jake’s words saying his roommate formed them in a circle so he does just that. He jogs to the kitchen opening his cabinet to find his matches pulling them out. He brings the matches over to the circle and signs to himself when he slides the match against the scratchy back of the box causing the match to ignite. He leans down to light the candles one by one, the glow from the flame illuminating his face and the heat of it causing his forehead to start sweating.

“Well here goes nothing, I guess I should probably clear my web browser and lock my account since I possibly might die tonight” he said out loud to himself again. “Psst who am I kidding, of course this isn’t going to work I’m just going to do this stupid ritual to prove to Jake that Heeseung story he made up is bunch of bullshit” at this point he’s full on talking to himself, trying to calm his nerves and the anxiety that’s building up in his body. He grabs a pen from his desk and places the piece of paper on the floor leaning his body as he starts to write on the paper.

Jay would never probably come out openly and say this but he has a big attraction to Black women. As a Korean man growing up with Korean parents he was always taught to not date outside of his race but that didn’t stop Jay from secretly crushing on Black girls from afar.

His browser history consists of ebony porn and his hidden gallery is full of nude pictures of his favorite Black pornstars. Jay remembers the first time he felt an attraction to a Black female. It was in the 8th grade, Jay had a huge crush on a girl named Brianna Jones.

Brianna was Jays first love and also first kiss but due to fear of his disappointing his parents he broke up with her, shattering his and hers heart. So that’s how Jay finds himself writing down a description of a Black female with beautiful brown skin, curvy hips with a nice big ass, big tits, and a dominate personality.

As he finishes writing on the paper, he takes the paper clip and pricks his index finger hissing at the light sting. He lets some of the blood drip onto his name and some on the description of his sex demon.

Jay takes a deep breath as he sits inside the circle, he starts to say the same exact chanting words that Heeseung said, still not fully convinced as the words roll off his tongue nonchalantly. He lets the words fall from his mouth for the 5th time and suddenly the candles that were once lit suddenly blew out leaving his living room pitch dark.

Jay looks around frantically starting to freak out and that’s when he starts to feel dizzy like he’s going to pass out. Jay struggles to stand up stumbling backwards as he starts to lose consciousness and then boom everything goes black and he’s out like a light.

ミ★

When Jay regains consciousness, he feels his head pounding and his ears ringing. He groans rubbing his head looking around his room puzzled and then it hits him, how did he end up in his room when the last time he remembered he was in his living room.

Jay looks down to see that he’s half naked, shirtless with only his boxers on. Jay can then feel this eerie feeling floating around his room almost like he’s not alone, like he’s being watched and that’s when he hears a soft giggle echoe around his room sounding far but yet so close and chills run down his spine.

“W-Who’s there?” Jay lets out a shaky breath looking around his room helplessly and that’s when he sees a dark mist surrounding his bed. The only thought left in his head is fight or flight, he decides on flight as he jumps up from his bed trying to get away and suddenly he’s being pushed back down onto his bed.

His eyes widened when a figure appears in front of him, straddling his lap. Jay gulps when he takes in the sight of you, clad in purple lingerie showing off all your curves, your beautiful brown skin has a glow radiating from it, and your cleavage is spilling out of your bra.

“What’s wrong pretty boy, cat got your tongue?” Your lips curl up into a wicked smile as you run your fingertips slowly down his chest stopping at the waistband of his Calvin Klein boxers.

“W-Where did you come from and who are you?” Jay manages to spit out shaky, anxiety and arousal building up all at once from the pressure of your body on top of his.

“The name’s Y/n, and you summoned me here naughty boy” you giggle playfully, tucking your bottom lip between your teeth when your hands meets his growing bulge gently palming him through his boxers.

Jay’s body shudders and his hips bucks up unintentionally as he feels your soft hand palming his half erect cock.“i don’t know what you mean i-i didn’t summon you fuck! I- please” jay says breathlessly trying to keep his composure and that’s when it all comes together.

As he takes time to get a good look at you. He scans your face and body and it all makes sense to him now. You look exactly how he wrote you, your thick juicy thighs covering his, your voluptuous breast sitting pretty on your chest and your dominant nature is causing him to feel weak in the knees and his erection to grow harder.

“Finally figured out huh there baby boy? You didn’t think us succubus were real didn’t you?” You coo at his shocked facial expression causing you to clench around nothing. Virgins were your favorite ones to prey on, always so pathetic and eager.

“So here’s how this is going to work Park Jongseong, you’re going to give me as much semen as I want, while in return I take away your pathetic little virginity got it?” You lean down to look him in the eyes meeting his intense gaze feeling your arousal starting to leak through your purple thong.

“P-Please touch me I’ll do whatever you want me to do just please make me feel good” Jay whimpers when he feels your wet muscle licking the shell of his earlobe. His cock twitches in the confines of his boxers begging to be released.

“Mmm looks like someone is eager aren’t you baby boy, don’t worry mommy’s going to take such good care of you” You smirk as you slide your body down his to reach his clothed bulge. You yank his boxers down causing his thick girthy dick to spring out, hitting his abdomen smearing precum over it.

“Fuck baby, what a huge cock you have mhm mommy going to have so much fun with this, I can tell your balls are full of your delicious creamy milk and I’m willing to take it all” you start to leave kitty licks on his angry red tip that leaks continuously with his clear essence. Jays body jerks violently from the feeling of your warm wet tongue on his sensitive tip.

“Ngh! Fuck mommy feels so good keep going” he grips your hair into a makeshift ponytail guiding your movements, you bob your head up and down hollowing your cheeks taking more of his length down your little throat.

You can feel his thick cock pulsating with pleasure as you continue to deep throat as much of his length as you can, you stroke whatever rest of him you can’t fit in your mouth causing him to let out deep groans and mostly high pitched whiny moans. Drool and his pre cum drips down your chin as you continue to suck him sloppy.

“Fuck fuck fuck that’s it- nghhhh I’m gonna cum I’m gonna-“ you now focus on sucking hard on his red leaky tip, as his cock twitches uncontrollably. you can feel his body heating up and hips bucks up unintentionally causing his length to slide deep down your throat.

Before you know it, he releases his creamy essence down your throat, completely emptying his load into your mouth, as if your mouth was a dumpster but that’s what you are his little cum dump.

“Fuuckkk” Jay curses loudly when you continue sucking him, helping him prolong his climax. His chest heaves up and down as he tries to catch his breath. Already feeling drained from the hardest orgasm he’s ever had in his life, Jay understands now why his friends said a blowjob is the best way to blow your load, and they’re totally right because his hand couldn’t compare to your beast of a mouth.

“Don’t pass out on me just yet pretty boy we haven’t even got to the best part yet” you pout and coo at his fucked out expression, he’s so pathetic for feeling worn out from a little ole blowjob but that only makes you more excited to drain his body of it’s energy and ride him until the next morning.

You stand up from the bed as you start to strip out of your clothing, you decide to give him a little show as you slide the thin straps of your purple nightgown down your shoulders in the most seductive way. Jay stares at you with an intense expression full of lust and affection causing your parties to grow wetter.

You let the gown fall to floor leaving your chest bare to his eyes, you slowly shimmy out of your panties being completely naked now. You crawl back up onto the bed seductively until you’re straddling his lap again. You can feel his hard on poking your wet dripping core, you let out a whimper when you start to ground your warm wet pussy on his thick cock. Jay throws his head back as he lets out deep groans feeling your hot arousal where he needs you the most.

“Fuck Jay your cock is so hard, does mommy pussy feel good teasing your pathetic huge dick” you let out loud moans when his tip rubs against your clit causing your body to shudder violently.

“Oh my god mommy yes feels so good, please let me put it in, fuck wanna be inside your tight pussy” Jay bucks up his hips to meet your grinding ones causing you to let out a whimper. When his tip prods at your dripping hole, growing impatient to feel his thick cock inside your guts you finally rise your hips up as you start to slowly sink down on his throbbing length.

The stretch is overwhelming being that Jay is the biggest cock you ever taken. You can feel his cock filling your gummy walls whole, causing your insides to clench violently. On the other hand Jay feels like he’s going to pass out any minute from the feeling of your warm tight wet pussy wrapping snuggly around his cock.

He grips the sheets so roughly his knuckles turn a shade of white. He holds your hips in place as you finally take all of him inside you, your legs start to shake uncontrollably as you allow yourself to adjust to his size. You can feel his cock twitching and pulsating as you cock warm him. Finally when the pain turns into pleasure you start to slowly rock back and forth on him, you gasp voice trembling with ecstasy from the delicious drag of his cock.

“Oh fuck! Holy shit you’re so tight- Nghh” Jay’s hips bucks up to meet the rhythm you have set causing his body to arch off the bed when he feels your tight pussy clenching around his throbbing sex. His words seem to spur you on as you start to ride him faster, causing the bed to creak and the headboard to slam against the wall furiously.

The scent of sex, your loud moans and his deep grunts, and the sound of your hips slamming down against his, fills his room completely, in the back of his head he’s hoping his neighbors can’t hear what’s going on but that’s almost impossible from the way you’re riding the living hell out of him. You bounce on him like there’s no tomorrow, your sticky essence drips down your thighs onto his stomach. He hisses at the squelching sounds of your creamy pussy abusing his weeping cock.

“Fuck baby boy, dick so good fuuuckk cock so big you gonna make me cum goddamnit” the drag of his 8-inch cock plunges so deep into you, you feel his tip abusing your cervix. You scream to the top of your lungs when he grips your waist pulling you down on him, thrusting his hips upwards. Your eyes roll to the back of your head as he sets a brutal pace, feeling nothing but pleasure and lust.

“Ah f-fuck! I’m not gonna last long shit I’m gonna bust” Jay lets out whiny moans as he feels your cunt clenching for what seems like the 100th time. The tempo of your bodies meeting is insane and almost primal, Jay fucks up and looks down to see where your sweaty bodies are connecting and that’s what sends him into a frenzy as his body shudders nonstop.

His orgasm hitting him like a tidal wave, letting out a guttural moan as his thick spurts of cum fills up your womb. Your eyes roll to the back of your head, your legs shaking dangerously from the feeling of his warm cum filling up your insides.

The overwhelming feeling of being stuffed full, makes you lose control over your body as your wings spring out on their own. Jay’s eyes widened at the sight of them, reality hitting him that he’s fucking a sex demon.

You continue to ride him lost in the feeling of his thick cock hitting all the right spots. Pleasure takes over Jay’s body once again as he lets out a whimper from the feeling of you riding him hard. Overstimulation hitting him wildly, his body feels numb and his ears are ringing as a wave of heat washes over his body.

Jay’s rough hand grips on your plump asscheek while the other one fondles one of your juicy boobs. Out of curiosity Jay goes to touch one your wings, lightly squeezing it. Like time freezes you let out a loud high pitched scream, the feeling is almost unbearable, your body feels fuzzy and the band in your stomach threatening to snap any minute.

“No, No No please not there I-i can’t take it, it feels so good gonna squirt” You scratch at his chest with your long acrylics. Jay hisses at the sting of your nails digging into his skin. He continues to caress both of your wings and just like that the band in your stomach snaps causing you to squirt all over Jay and ruin his perfectly white sheets.

You collapsed on top of him, panting as you try to calm down from your high, Jay’s chest heaves up and down as holds you tight against him caressing your back. You look up to meet his gaze, he looks at you with such a fucked out facial expression and half lidded eyes. You giggle and smirk as you can tell he’s fighting to stay awake.

Jay can feel himself drifting into a slumber and then boom he blacks out as the darkness consumes him again. You coo at his cuteness wishing he had more energy in him so you could play with him some more.

Just like a flash of lightning your energy is back like it never left. You kiss Jay on the cheek one last time before you have to return back to your place in the deep pits of the darkness and just like that you disappear in thin air.

You leave your purple lingerie discarded on Jay’s floor, which is strictly forbidden for a succubus to leave any trance of their existence for their victims to find but you have a feeling you will be retuning back to visit Jay really soon and for him he’s worth the risk.

The next morning~

Jay wakes up with a pounding headache and his body aches like a bitch. He goes to stretch his limps but hisses at the sharp pain of what seems like to be scratches on his chest. He stands up from his bed, wiping the sleep away from his eyes as he makes his way to his bathroom. He flips on the light switch and his breath hitches when he sees multiple scratch wounds surrounding his chest.

The memories of last night’s affairs hits him all at once, he scurries back into his room and that’a when he spots the purple lingerie laying in the middle of his floor. Jay quickly grabs his phone along with the lingerie. He opens his camera and snaps a picture of the lingerie. He then makes his way back to bathroom as he snaps pictures of the scratches on chest and his disheveled appearance. He opens Jake’s contact and sends him the attachments.

*2 Attachments Sent*

Corn lover Jay🌽: Jake…😅

Golden retriever boy🐶: NO FUCKING WAY DUDE?

The End…

A/n: This drabble is inspired by Jhené Aiko’s song p*ssy fairy, just with my own little twist to it. i was foaming at the mouth as I was writing this, god sub hyungline is gonna do it for me every time you hear me?! But I hope you guys like this fic?? drabble?? Idk but please feel free to like, comment, and reblog 💋.

[vivwritescrappythings]

simon riley brainrot

simon riley x reader

a shitty Simon Riley brainrot about sitting next to him on a plane from someone who has literally never played Call of Duty—just likes big dudes in masks.

tw: reader's hair is long and braidable, I think reader is gender neutral, reader is smaller than Simon, allusions to sex not proofread, i have zero context about Call of Duty besides clips of cutscenes and fics on here—nor do i plan on educating myself about it.

this is just dumb fluff bc i am on planes a lot!

masterlist

--

Simon had expected the flight from New York to London to be a painful seven hours. Of course, that was before he saw you. You were a pretty thing, tired eyes and hair messily braided with a roller bag and backpack in tow. He was all too aware of the empty seat next to him as he watched you scan the numbers on the overhead compartments. He ran a hand through his dirty blonde mop of hair, a subconscious attempt to look presentable.

Your eyes lit up with recognition as you deciphered the text just above his head. His heart nearly stopped beating when your gaze dropped to meet his, a polite smile on your face as you pointed to the empty seat. 

He was bumbling and awkward when he pulled himself to stand. You didn’t even seem to mind as Simon towered over you, broad shoulders consuming the small aisle. The movement with your carry-on was clumsy, your hands didn’t have a good grip on the hard-shell bag as you maneuvered it. 

Taking the opportunity to be acknowledged by you again, he grabbed one of the handles of the bag and steadied it into the overhead compartment. You breathed your thanks, fixing your pretty gaze up at him for a moment before ducking into the middle seat. 

If he didn’t have a black surgical mask on, he was sure you would’ve seen his lips part and his cheeks color. He shook his head to pull himself back together as he sat down next to you. He was a fucking lieutenant, for gods sake. He’d killed people with his bare hands, but he found you to be down right intimidating. Your soft words and the knit cardigan you wore were from a delicate world he had never been privy to before. 

He took up an embarrassing amount of space, far too big of a man for economy seats and having no clue what to do with himself. His arm and shoulder pressed into your space, his knee jutting against your seat-back pocket. You crossed your legs at the ankle, courteously acquiescing your armrest to him with a sheepish smile. As though you were the one inconveniencing him.

“Sorry, I take up a lot of space,” he muttered to you, already cursing himself for saying something so idiotic.

Nevertheless, you smiled warmly. Your head tilted toward his, the fluorescent lights only making your exhaustion more apparent. “S’okay, it’s a tight squeeze,” you said, your voice so sweet and kind that Simon didn’t even know how to answer you. 

He just balked at you for a moment, mind wandering to what else could be a tight squeeze. He could only imagine what your soft lips would feel like around his—God, he needed to get a grip. He grunted an agreement before looking at the flight attendant as they started the safety protocols.

He’d managed to stop thinking about you at his side, getting sucked into whatever stupid movie was playing on the embedded TV screens. That is, until he felt a gentle press on his shoulder. 

Simon looked down and to the left through the darkness, seeing your sleeping face illuminated in the rapidly changing colors of the action scene in the movie. Your forehead rested against his shoulder, an e-reader still loosely pinched between your fingers on your lap. Messy strands of your hair were falling across your forehead and cheeks, slow and deep breaths making your chest rise and fall.

Simon stilled, the sinking feeling of being a bull in a china shop settling over him. His heart pounded in his chest despite his sudden anxiety being completely unfounded—he was a sniper, his entire career was built on holding position for lengthy amounts of time. 

But here you were, the little rabbit cuddling up to the wolf—and the wolf was terrified to misstep.

[lunacyxxx]

Differences Aside

MDNI Ghost and Konig are your plugs, but what you didn't know was that they were each other's opps. So, one day you decided to buy from both of them. It was like one of them always had something the other didn't.

You were already kind of high when you were talking to them and thus, here's the tale of how you ended up between two sworn enemies.

Contains: drug use, dominant masked men and fingering nd stuff

not proofread, idk how many words this is. I hope yall enjoy it.))

The sun was going down and you just finished all your tasks for the day. It was time to reward yourself with your normal routine of getting high, you entered your home and smiled excitedly. You quickly make haste to your bedroom getting undressed and going into your personal bathroom, you turn on your shower and begin your nightly routine.

You came out in a towel and went to your closet putting on a long t-shirt and spandex shorts. Music sounded through your room when you connected your phone to your speaker and sat at your desk. The bottom drawer to your left had all your goodies in it, you noticed you were on your last nug.

Coincidentally, you got a text from your plug Ghost.

Ghost: new pack came in, lmk what you want and how much luv.

One thing about Ghost, despite his intimidating appearance, he had a soft spot for you. Honestly when he first pulled up to your place, he wasn't expecting someone who looked like you to smoke. He was surprised when you gave him some extra cash for gas so since then, he's always made sure you got what you wanted and sometimes added in a little extra.

You smiled at his text and replied asking to see his menu, he sent it a couple minutes later and you looked over it. He wasn't lying when he said new because some of this stuff you've never heard of before. You pondered over your choices as you rolled up, "Hmm."

You: I'll take the (fave cereal) edible and a 3.5 of Alaskan Thunder Fuck please and thank you :)

Ghost: Okay darling, I'll be over there in about 2 hours. This would normally be $50 but for you its $30, see you soon

You like his message and light your joint taking in a steady inhale, moving over to your bed you open your window and pull up your laptop to watch youtube. About an hour later, you finished your joint and was watching YouTube until your phone lit up with another text.

Konig: I got new stuff for you to try ;)

Ah Konig, the tallest dude you've ever laid eyes on. How ya'll met was kind of funny, he had the wrong address and was parked outside your home when you went outside to get the mail. He got out of his car and came up to you and thought you were the customer who placed an order earlier that day.

You two talked and he realized he made a typo in the gps, but you still ended up buying something from him since Ghost was out of town for that week. Talk about good luck, right? So like Ghost, he sometimes adds an extra and gives you discounts.

Konig sent you his list and he had new shit too.

You: I'll take one of your carts, you can choose whichever one you wanna give me and a 3.5 of GSC please and thank you.

Konig: Of course, you know I got you. It's gonna be $30 for you."

You liked his message and leaned over to your nightstand grabbing your wallet and taking out the cash you needed.

The cool summer air brushed your skin when you stepped outside to wait for your plugs to pull up, the familiar rumble of Ghost's car and Konig's truck coming down the opposite sides of the street. Ghost parked on the curb and Konig pulled into your driveway.

They both got out, Ghost stood at 6 '4, wearing black sweats a black long sleeve and of course his skull balaclava. Konig hopped out his truck, standing at 6 '10 he wore his sniper hood, gray hoodie and black jeans.

The two men caught sight of each other, and they both pulled out their pistols ready to shoot, "Now wait a damn minute!” The both of them jumped at your sudden yell.

"First of all, this is what we're not gonna do. Especially in front of my house. Secondly, what the hell is y'all problem?"

"Tell me why the fuck he's here first!" they both said, the differences in their accents now very apparent and you felt a very slight ache down there. (iykyk)

"Uh because y'all are my plugs? I can't have two plugs, you both end up having different stuff that hits hard; especially when I mix the two together."

“We actually don’t get along at all," Konig said, eyeing you.

"Yeah, something like this isn't supposed to happen,” Ghost spat out while glaring at Konig

A look of realization crossed your face and you looked between the both of them, "How about you put your differences aside and let's all smoke. I don't really care for stuff like this unless someone I know, and love is involved and stuff. I mean, neither of you shot one another yet sooo."

The two men looked at you then at each other before lowering their weapons, both of them mumbling something under their breaths. You walked over to Konig and gave him the money; in turn he gave you a medium baggie which was new.

You then walked over to Ghost and paid him and he gave you a bag that was around the same size as Konig's. Neither of them would admit they liked pulling up to give you your weed, they often invited you inside their vehicles to chat and show you some of the other products they had.

"I forgot to ask, do either of you have more things to do, I don't wanna stop your bag or anything."

Ghost shook his head and Konig spoke up, "I always save the best for last. Why do you think you always get a little something extra meine liebe?"

Ghost rolled his eyes and scoffed, "I hate to agree with his ass but same here. I'm free for the rest of the night."

"Mkay, now that's settled we can go inside. I should have one of y'all roll, out here just pulling guns on each other and shit." You lead them into your home, the living room has a comfortable sectional with a matching ottoman. There was a mounted tv with your entertainment center underneath it, a bookshelf with books, crystals and all your favorite things.

"Make yourselves comfortable and no fighting, I do have a cast iron skillet and won't hesitate to pop someone with it." You ignore the chuckles coming from both men as they sit on opposite sides of the couch, not without mean mugging each other until you come back with your rolling tray, water and some snacks.

You scooch past Konig while saying excuse me before you sit in the space between them, and thus the smoke session commences.

After about 30 minutes, all three of you were slouched on the couch completely zooted watching Planet Earth. (A/N: idk about y'all but that's the best thing to watch when you're high asf, speaking from experience)

"That lizard has some fucking balls running through all those snakes," Konig commented. You and Ghost nodded, the both of you completely tapped into the show. Over the course of the session, you were sandwiched between them, their thick thighs pressing against your own.

Ghost looked over at you, his eyes red and half opened while they took in your appearance. His eyes flickered up only to catch Konig doing the same thing, Ghost felt a bit ballsy so he put his arm over your shoulder pulling you closer to him.

"Uh?"

Konig saw this and slipped an arm around your waist, also pulling your hips to him. "Hey, what's up with the both of you?"

You looked between the two of them and you could feel the tension building slightly, you honestly liked the idea of your two plugs showing you this much attention. Yet you hoped it wouldn't turn into some type of blood bath anytime soon, "If you guys wanted to cuddle, you could've just asked."

"Let's see who can make her cum the most," Ghost said. You could feel Konig readjust his grip to hold your hips and squeeze them slightly. "Well, I'm already where I need to be. I call going first, as long as meine liebe is okay with it. Ja?" The way the taller man stared you down through his hood had you shook, his red eyes portraying more than just being under the influence. You couldn't stop yourself from nodding.

"We need you to say it darling, if not then we can pretend this never happened."

Not wanting to lose this once in a lifetime opportunity, you gave them the answer they were looking for. "Yes, I'm fine with that."

You felt your shorts being pulled away and cool hands going under your shirt, Ghost moved with a sense of dominance and roughness while Konig too expressed his dominance but in a slightly possessive manner.

Ghost adjusted himself so one leg was on the couch and your back was pressed to his broad chest. Konig gripped your thighs and spread them open with a satisfied huff.

Konig admired your bare pussy before lifting his mask up and diving right in, his tongue lapping at your clit before tracing through all the creases and folds to get a better taste of you. Your moans and lewd slurps echoed through the living room. His tongue moving slowly, as if he wanted to map out each curve a dip of your core.

"Don't forget that I'm here," Ghost murmured. His hands were massaging your breasts and playing with your nipples under your shirt, the overload of the difference in the way they were handling you turns your mind to mush.

You could only imagine how they acted once they got you where they wanted, Ghost took a hold of your throat. His lips brushing past your ear as he bit it, he tilted your head back and looked down at you.

His lustful gaze causing your pussy to clench, Konig noticed the moment you two were having and pushed two fingers inside of your sopping pussy. He angled them up and began thrusting them, Ghost kept your focus on him while he eyed Konig.

The two of them having a heated stare down while you wiggled between them.

Your juices were soaking the Austrian's hands as he slowly worked them in and out of your slick heat, lewd wet noises mingled with your moans in the hazy living room. Konig pushes his fingers upwards trying to find that spongy spot that he knows will drive you crazy, Ghost watches him work his fingers inside of you. His own erection throbbing in his pants, Simon pinches and rolls your nipples between his thumb and forefinger ensuring that he was making you moan louder. 

His hand is still around your throat keeping you in place.

Your breath hitches in your throat when Konig finally finds that spot, he hums and presses on your lower tummy. “There we go, take that shit y/n,” Konig growls before jerking his digits in and out of your pussy roughly. Simon held you close to him, cutting off your air supply slightly while he watches you come undone. His large hands move to grab your wrists to prevent you from pushing Konig away.

At this point you couldn't control your mewls and your thighs were quaking, broken moans leave your gaping mouth as you feel a strong coil in the pit of your tummy. You try to tell Konig to slow down but your words only come out as quivering babbles.

Your feet plant themselves on the couch as your hips buck under Konig’s hand, you throw your head back on Ghost’s shoulder crying out as that coil snaps and you gush all over Konig’s hand and face.

"Bedroom. Now,” the both of them were surely going to break you.

[matchbet-allofthetime]

Hi again! I melted over the Boone hcs—the way you write him is so good. Can I request your nsfw ramblings about Boone too? I just know his trigger finger could be put to good use…elsewhere 😩

VERY good use anon, you've read my mind 😉

Enjoy my excited horny rambling about Craig Boone below the cut ✨

Boone NSFW HCs:

-this man has a damn quick and steady trigger finger, and that extends to how he can fuck you with his fingers.

-he's a big boy by all accounts, and that gives him thick fingers, thick thighs and arms, and a thick dick.

-he can and WILL go commando, and that dick WILL be slung over the curve of his hip right where you can see it no matter what pants he wears

-he doesn't talk much unless you get him in a rare conversational mood at the best of times without fucking him. Despite that, he will absolutely mumble muffled praises and promises no matter how hard he's slamming his hips against your own

-definitely open for a poly relationship with you and a certain blonde doctor 👀

-casually constantly horny. Never stops.

-can and will keep going- like any other situation, puts both his endurance and strength to use

-puts that oral fixation and his habit of staying quieter to good use, because he WILL stuff his mouth with cock or cunt within moments of you telling him he can

-unnaturally long tongue, just a strange genetic trait. Serves him well when he pleasures partners

-dude will wilfully ignore arousal in lieu of his work but does get worked up if you tease enough to piss him off

-a touch possessive, mostly because he worries so much- leads often to him using a broad palm to press against your spine (or Arcade's, if he's also in on it all) to pin you down under him

-prefere giving over receiving, but if you do give, he certainly won't complain. It's one of few ways he gets vocal though, so be mindful

-takes as much as he gives. So if he ducks you hard, he expects you to fuck him harder right after

-silent touches and the holding of hands, even if he's rough

-only real exception to this is if he's pinned your hands or has both hands on your hips; he just loves being able to feel his partner(s) there with him

-king of aftercare tbh; despite growing up in the wastes, he's no less attentive of a partner. He is a sniper, after all, and he will notice every little wince or tightening of muscles even if you don't realize it.

-ultimately leads to him soothing kisses over soft bruising in the shapes of his fingers and teeth

-speaking of teeth, he likes to nibble! Not too hard, but he puts those sharp teefies to good use and thoroughly enjoys kissing into soft skin just to sink his teeth in a little bit.

-always makes sure to pay attention to all bites, bruises, and other aches and marks whenever it's said and done.

-regardless of gender, if he's fucking you from behind, spooning you to fuck you, or missionary- if his hand can support itself against your belly, it will 100% of the time unless he's preoccupied with something else

-likely stems from a need to protect that can and will get incredibly snippish toward those who aren't with him

-this man doesn't get jealous for the life of him, but he DOES get pissy when someone flirts with who he's with, primarily when they know he's with them

-leads to rough fucking just to be sure his partner(s) are marked fully. Followed quickly by tender, slow sex just so he can relax and worship

-he sounds he makes tend to be deeper grunts, and the sucking in of air in sharp, harsh intervals.

-but you can make him cry when it's tender enough, and you'll get soft whines and delightful noises of pleasure from him if you let him lose himself in it all

-switch, and can easily change that day to day. Most often a dominant bottom or a service top unless he's in a particular mood

-will happily get on his knees for a partner

-scrape your fingers through his buzzed hair- you can't pull it, hasn't been long in years, but it still riles him up

-bite at his wrist and kiss across his knuckles or kiss and suck little marks into his jaw and throat; that'll all have him worked up and anxious to bend you over just to see the arch of your spine

-the type of attentive to stuff a pillow under your hips but ignore the pain in his own knees

-prone to sub drops, so be very tender with him

-doesn't like admitting it for a long while, but he likes spanking to a lesser degree, and also has a thing for pain play

-it's NEVER enough to cause genuine damage, but he thinks reddened and swollen skin on a partner from the sheer size and weight of his hands is hotter than sin

-also likes sticking his fingers in a partner's mouth; the muffled sucking gets his brain hazy in the best way

-will put in HOURS when able just learning your body, learning what makes you tick and what has you teetering over the edge faster

-as per my much more sfw post, I expressed that I think he has nipple piercings. I think he'd have gotten them early into the NCR, likely as a dare or whatever, then found he liked them and never took them out

-I ALSO think he's the type of cheeky to have a Prince Albert. It's a hassle in the wasteland at times, but then, what isn't?

-shove a cock down his throat until he's sobbing with pleasure; he doesn't have a gag reflex and any choking that occurs is either by your hands, his own, or him struggling to breathe through tears of want

-likewise, he will choke someone lightly. It's mostly just his hand resting against a partner's throat and giving reassuring squeezes, but it makes him feel like he's protecting them in a way

-ride his thighs, PLEASE ride those thick ass thighs! He is not a small man by any means, and if you suck hickies into his throat and scratch at the tattoos on his broad back while rolling your hips against his thigh, hoooo boy, he will fucking ruin you

-is down for quickies when out and about in the wastes, but generally holds off unless he's angry, teased too long, or until you're back in a safe place (typically the Lucky 38, or if everyone else is gone for the time being, the Old Mormon Fort)

-is cheekiest when taking it up the ass, I don't make the rules. Can be a bit of a cocky tease, if not a downright soft brat

-ask him to keep the beret on and he'll cum in his pants in seconds.

-this dude fucks nasty AND sweet. Ends up with some curious but enjoyable experiences

-hates orgasm denial, but adores overstimulation every time

-he's patient but orgasm denial leaves him feeling more pissed off than eager

-but he'd like to be a shaking mess- or make his partner into one- or both! So make sure to use it

-will try to toy with partners under tables. He doesn't give a fuck, he will have a hand on your thigh and will stroke you then and there

[lunatic-pudge]

Postal Dude NSFW Alphabet

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Was gonna work on my TF2 and Postal requests, but I've been sick and was in the ER cause of it. But depsite all of that, I'm still horrifically down bad for this stinky pissman. My need for this man cannot be contained. Halp

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A: Aftercare (What they're like after sex):

Admittingly, his aftercare kinda sucks. Just wipe ya off then pass out. It's just not something he's used to. You're gonna have to teach him how to do some proper aftercare. It'll take some time, but he'll get better at it with some time

B: Body Part (Their favorite body part of their and also their partners):

Now I'm putting my own (weird) biases here, Dude likes his hands. They're so long and spidery. Perfect to shove his fingers down your throat. He's such a long and gangly man.

Now his favorite body part on you would be your thighs. Thick thighs means a nice, fat ass and I can just tell that this man is an ass man. And also thigh highs?! The way they hug the thighs are there's that little thigh pudge at the top of the thigh highs. You know what I'm talking about. Dude lives for thick thighs. Choke them with your thighs, he'll die a happy man

C: Cum (Anything to do with cum, basically):

I'd like to think cums a lot. Please let me dream. Just picture him cumming in you so much that it spills out of you as more tries to fill in you. Maybe even creating a little tummy bulge.

But for taste wise, it is BITTER. Like it starts salty but gets bitter the more you taste it. So good luck with that. Man's good for stuffing ya, but the taste is one that will take a bit to get used to. Someone get this man on a better diet!

D: Dirty Secret (pretty self explanitory, a dirty secret of theirs):

I feel like he's secretly an exhibitionist. I just know that Dude would get off to people seeing him getting fucked. Hell, he'd probably let people run a train on him if given the opportunity. This man's a slut to the highest degree even though he gets no bitches

E: Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they're doing?):

I'd say he's got a decent amount of experience. Like, he definitely knows what he's doing. Could it be better? Yeah. Much of this man's potential has yet to be discovered

F: Favorite Position (This goes without saying):

Homie doesn't discriminate. Any position is a good position. You wanna ride him? Go for it. Want him to bend you over and pound the fuck out of you? He's already bending you over. He definitely loves being bent over, stuffed and fucked

G: Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment? Are they humorous? etc.):

Has this man ever been serious? He's a chill boy. I don't really have much to say here. He's a goofy goober

H: Hair (How well groomed are they? Does the carpent match the drapes? etc.):

I'd say Dude's got a decent amount of hair. Definitely not hair, but not bare. And even then, it's light in color so it doesn't catch your attention at first. And he's kinda groomed. He'll keep up with it if asked

I: Intimacy (How are they during the moment? Romantic aspect):

Dude's not much of a romance person. But that doesn't mean he isn't trying. On special occasions, like anniversaries or your birthday, he'll put the effeort in. He'd be cheesy and break out the rose petals. How'd he get them? Don't worry about it. He's even broke out the candles as well, ignore the burn marks on his hands, his ass was not paying attention when lighting them and almost set the trailer on fire

J: Jack Off (Masturbation headcanons):

He does jack off, kinda often, but it's just never enough for him. He's tried all sorts of things but finds much more satisfaction being able to fuck someone. He gets irritable when he doesn't get needs fufilled

K: Kinks (One or more of their kinks):

I'm doing it. I'm going there. I don't care what you people say. He's got a piss kink. (So does Sniper but he's not apart of this, fight me) He will piss on you and he will have you piss on him. He'd be gross and try to drink your piss. He doesn't care. I'm a piss kink Dude truther

Another major kink I'll throw in here is pegging. He loves it when his lady put the strap-on on, bends him over, and makes him her bitch. Pegging makes Dude the most adorable little sub ever. Just a begging and moaning mess. You know you love it, don't deny it

L: Location (Favorite places to do the do):

Anywhere and everywhere. Just say the words and he's ready. Nothing will stop this horny man. NOTHING

M: Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going):

Your existence gets him going. You could be sitting around, reading a book or watching T.V. and that gets him hard. It's his inner simp showing. What really gets him going is seeing you wearing one of his shirts and nothing else. Especially when the shirt starts to ride up your thigh. It's like your teasing him without realizing

N: No (Something they wouldn't do, turn offs):

Now Dude is a pretty open guy, but of course he has limits. I'll just say that he's not into the really gross stuff. The only gross thing he likes is piss. Like, that's the only time you're gonna see this man at his most vile. Anything else gross and he'll start gagging and leaving

O: Oral (Preference is giving or recieving, skills, etc.):

Loves oral. Prefers to receive but will gladly give. Sit on his face. He's begging you to. But when you give him head, watch out cause if you don't stop him, he'll wanna fuck your face. He loves being able to stuff his cock down your throat

P: Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.):

Loves going fast and rough. He lives for it, especially when you mark him up during it. Rarely is slow and sensual. He'll be slow on thos rare intimate moments he has. But wither way, he will leave you a shaking, satisfied mess afterwards

Q: Quickie (Their opinion on quickies, how often, etc.):

Not the biggest fan but desperate times call for desperate measures. He tries to not partake in quickies often so when it does happen, he's so desperate to cum

R: Risk (Are they game to experiment? Do they take risks etc.):

Huge risk taker. The risk is what gets hims going. Always ready to take them. Bouns points if you're like him in that aspect. You two would be such an unstoppable force, for real for real

S: Stamina (How many rounds can they go for? How long do they last?):

He's got some pretty good stamina, especially when he's high on crack. He's practically insatiable. You two will be going at it for HOURS. Practically a whole day of sex so you better be prepared or you'll be a pile of dust afterwards. And yes, he will make fun of you for it.

T: Toys (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?):

Literally in the one scene in Brain Damaged when he's sitting on his couch, there's a fucking dildo on the floor. So obviously yes, he owns toys, and yes he uses them. And yes, he will use toys on you. Why wouldn't he? Using toys means extra fun, and Dude ain't gonna pass up such an opportunity to tease and overstimulate you

U: Unfair (How much do they like to tease?):

Such a teasing bastard, and a hypocrite. Loves to tease and make you beg, but can be stubborn at first when you try to same tactics on him. He knows how to press all the right buttons when teasing. He rightfully deserves to be treated back, but also a little more harsher for being such a little shit

V: Volume (How loud are they? What sounds they make? etc.):

I'd say Dude isn't the loudest, he prefers to hear you rather then himself. But that can easily be changed with a little pegging. Remeber, he's a hoe, so he is fun to make a moaning, whiny mess, just begging for more

W: Wild Card (A random headcanon for the character):

If it isn't obvious by now, this man is bi/pan. You cannot look at this man and say he's straight. It's just such a bold face lie. Homie likes his men, women, enbys, trans people equally. All he wants is a good time. I'd say he has a slight preference for more feminine people. But now by saying that, I'm thinking of femboy Dude and I'm more than here for that

X: X-Ray (Let's see whats going on under those clothes):

Now please bear with me here, cause I unfortunately don't have male anatomy. I'd say he's about six inches, cut, head's this nice little rosy pink color and SENSITIVE

Y: Yearning (How high is their sex drive):

Very high drive, constantly horny. He cannot be contained. Sometimes multiple rounds a day isn't enough for him. He understand that sometimes, you're not gonna be needy as him so he's used to having to take care of himself. Though he'd appreciate some help during these trying times

Z: Zzz (How quickly they fall asleep afterwards?):

Almost immediately after doing the do. That's probably why his aftercare sucks cause he's ready to pass the fuck out most of the time. Falls asleep like a man in the Victorian era dying from Influenza. He's practically clonked out like a dead man too. It's ridiculous and deserves to be bullied for it

[scrunckled-idiot]

Any headcanons about how the mercenaries interact with a borrower?

errrm yesh aktualy 🤓

soldier: legit tries to kill them at first. LIKE THE FUCK IS THIS LITTLE THEIVING COMMIE SPY IN HIS BASE!? WHO DO THEY THINK THEY ARE!? makes it his mission to either kill them or take them prisoner, but eventually becomes like entrenchment for the goober. so like the borrower will be like sneaking away from the kitchen and then they'll hear this mf LEGGING IT AT MAXIMUN SPEED DOWN THE HALL. kinda like tom and jerry shenanigans. dw they always turn out ok :)

pyro: OMG A TINY LITTLE BUDDY LETS FUCKING GOOO!!! will instantly try to make contact with them without realising how terrifying it is in their perspective. chases them around the base kind of like soldier but with no malicious intent. eventually realises that they might be scaring the poor thing so stops chasing them. kind of like engie, they'll make these crude little cardboard houses slathered in glitter glue and stickers and make a little city in their room. absolutely ecstatic when they see borrower in one of the houses, but this time keeps their cool and just observes, giggling and kicking their legs. the borrowers just gonna play along and then they can go home- oh shit wait the giant gas mask guy set up a fucking tea party??? oh fuck yea dude, SUGAR COOKIES HORAYYYYY!!!

heavy: he wouldn't. he'd be too scared to. big man + little person? not a chance in hell. he'd probably keep his distance away rom them, pretending he never saw them. will probably leave leftovers out for them though cus he feels bad. if they're lucky, freshly cooked meals.

engineer: thinks he's going bonkers at first when stuff starts to go missing in his workshop. isn't too fond of the whole "borrowing" schlick, but he can understand. would build like little hideouts and dens for them and hide them around the base. purposely leave some spare screws, nuts, bolts, wire around the floor so that they dont have to parkour up to his desk or something. if he's friendly with them he'll just give em a wave, Mabey invite him over to his desk for some coffee and a break. then send 'em off with a bag full of supplies.

demoman: dawg his childhood fantasies just came true. his mother used to read him stories involving tiny people like elfs, pixies, Gulliver's travels, willow whisps, and borrowers. he'd be enamoured with them, but of course knows to keep his distance, he knows how frightened the wee things can get. he'd be as gentle as he possibly could when holding one though, letting them make the first move, and then scream internally when holding one.

medic: oh honey i dont even need to explain. you KNOW its instantaneous death. or trapped in the experimental cum jar. OR TAXIDERMIED!

sniper: probably thinks their just a weird looking cockroach so he'd try and spray them with pesticide or turn them into a kebab with his huntsman. once he figured it out though, he'd probably just shoo them away and to piss off. if he's chill with 'em though he'd probably handle them like a pet hamster or a rat. scoop them up off the floor into his pocket like "c'mon we're goin' to maccas". its like that one cat that hangs around your neighbourhood that you're chill with.

sorry didn't know what to do for scout and spy hun :(

[gunnrblze]

how do you think the Ghost boys would be while they are sick with a cold/the flu?

(if we are their romantic partner)

This took me a minute to get to, my bad🥲 I love this idea though hehe

Pairing Hesh and Logan here- I think they’d be a little whiny about it lol, but in a lowkey way. Like “damn…nose is sooo stuffy rn😔…my throat really hurts babe idk…” and give you those puppy dog eyes for attention. Like when you have something that a kid wants really bad and they just sit there like “that cupcake looks really good…” you know? 😭 they’ll be all woe is me for a bit, will need extra cuddles and extra love, bless them. They were coddled by their mother when they were sick children, so they kinda want to be coddled again by their partner, but they’d never admit it❤️

Elias the typa dude to be like “I’m not even that sick…it’s not that bad, honey” while he’s hacking up a lung. He’d admit his weakness, but would be dancing around the fact that he’s actually about to collapse on the ground, the typical “I’ll be fine don’t worry” *is actively throwing up*. He’d be a little clingier too, but it’s disguised as him just wanting to spend more time with you, totally not because he feels bad…

Merrick would absolutely not do jack shit about it at first lmao. Like a lot of men, would refuse needing to go to the doctor/take medicine, very much an “I’m tougher than influenza” type scenario💀. Definitely on board to tough it out, until you (his pride and joy) convince him to get more rest/fluids/etc. A doting partner is his downfall here. Probably the only person alive that could coax him into bed and put a cold rag on his forehead.

Keegan I think would get even less talkative than he already is, his exhaustion would get the best of him since he’s used to staying awake for long periods of time (sniper behavior), because ‘I’ve been awake for too long’ tired and ‘my body is attacking me’ tired are two different feelings, he’d be a little thrown off. Would like to use you as a body pillow if available, and I think he’d let you dote on him unlike Merrick at first. Another Grade A clinger here.

Kick being down with the sickness (shoutout disturbed) would be a lot like your cat when it gets sick. You may think he’s dying, but in about four business days he’ll randomly bounce back. I like to think when he gets sick, like Keegan, he gets very sick, but then he’s over it like it never happened. Would whine for you to cuddle him, but insist he doesn’t wanna infect you. Yaps about the wicked fever dreams he’s been having (they make no sense, he really just needs you to listen, babe)

Rorke, bless his heart, would be so fucking annoying when sick. Like Merrick, has the whole “the flu is nothing, ever been shot before?” mindset💀. Would refuse medication/treatment even if he needs it, typical tough guy shit. He’d have to be knocking on deaths door to admit how bad he feels. But he’d absolutely let YOU coddle him, he’d just be a butthead about it. “I don’t need more soup, darlin-well if you INSIST…🙄”. Somehow very nonchalant yet dramatic at the same time.

[morskisir]

Answer to this ask I had to post seperately because I reached the character limit or something.

OHHHH Anon you are not ready. I think about this bastard so much and too deeply.

Before I get into it:

I love how you worded this question- gives a nice atmosphere.

Just to be clear this is all about RED Sniper. I apologise to any BLU Sniper enjoyers for I don't have thoughts about that guy.

I'm not the biggest fan of the comics for many reasons so don't mind me retconning a lot of that.

In the end these are all MY opinions and views of him- if you don't like them that's no problem. It's free real estate.

And FINALLY; my thoughts, under read more:

OKAY, let's start with what even got me to interpret him the way that I do; hell yeah baby, it's Meet the Sniper time.

I've seen MANY people often assume that Sniper is one of the most normal/chill people of the 2fort nine- but the impression I got is that he wants you to think he's normal so desperately despite everything else pointing to how fucking weird he actually is. Simply noticing the stuff he's saying makes it a lot more clear. The very beginning where he goes "Boom, headshot," making light of taking another person's life so swiftly. "Cause at the end of the day; as long as there's two people left on the planet- someone is gonna want someone dead," really positive light you see the world in, Sniper.

Of course you can take this as him being "realistic", and I do agree he's more of a realist than a pessimist or optimist, but "...have a plan to kill everyone you meet," is SO fucked up. Why is his first thought when meeting someone to know how to kill them? This to me is him not being able to properly connect to other people/understand them or actually SEE them as people. Not to mention his smile after delivering that shot in the timelapse of him sniping (AND after stabbing Spy). This cunt enjoys killing. He's not the type to slowly kill someone or torture them- but he is the type to feel satisfaction after planting a bullet in someone; give himself a pat on the back for it- or perhaps find humour in the kill.

The conclusion this brought me to is that he is an unreliable narrator in "Meet the Sniper". (Also the "..be polite," line. Yeah, sure, dude. Your voice lines are very polite.)

CAN WE TALK ABOUT HIS FUCKING TEETH? The way his teeth look and how much they're shown to the viewer by exaggerating his mouth movements feels like a "this guy is NOT normal" sign. No one in the game has teeth similar to him and his canines are HUGE. Like holy shit, he's an apex predator.

A comment @cheebuss (I know you wanna get tagged) saw once has been a running joke between us- it was basically "He indicates so he's normal," which is fucking hilarious, but I can genuinely refute that point. First of all we see him fucking speeding in the beginning of the video- to be fair we don't know what the speed limit on this road is, BUT:

Cunt drives around with a broken side mirror. That's really unsafe, obviously. A good chunk of that mirror has gone to shit and he does not care to replace it (which feeds into my headcanon of him being stingy/not wanting to spend money because he lived on a farm and they did everything themselves). Speaking of his van; it gave me the impression he likes having everything he needs near him- he doesn't need a grand, expensive space to feel comfortable. (I headcanon that he's actually scared/unnerved by vast, empty spaces/buildings) ALSO I think he's messy and prefers the claustrophobia of his van. I like to believe his childhood room was much the same (to the detriment of his mother)- that's his safe space damn it!!!

And here I can transition into talking about his parents!!! : D Of course, not much was shown to us of Mr. & Mrs. Mundy, but we can still glean some stuff from the video- and partially- the comics.

His father very obviously disapproves of his job, calling him "a crazed gunman", and showing his morals do not align with Sniper's. Sniper calls for his mum during the phone call shown at the very end of the video- looking annoyed and somewhat distressed. It's clear to me that they've had this argument many times and Mrs. Mundy is the mediator in them. I think she disapproves of the job as much as her husband does, but is sick of hearing them argue to that extent. Regardless of this conflict, Sniper loves and cares for his parents- they are his world. He doesn't care for anyone else, most of the shit he does is for their sake and continuing to provide support so they can live a stable life at their farm as they get older. It's one of the nicest things about Sniper.

Although, I do think he struggled to get them to understand him properly. He is a quiet man who doesn't express a lot of his emotions. That will complicate things, especially if he doesn't talk about it- and he doesn't!!! : D

Despite this, I think they were the people he was closest to. Sniper, to me, is a guy who's never had friends and has been lonely as well as isolated his entire life. "Too weird to live, much too rare to die." And this is a VERY long time we're talking about; DECADES. Decades of minimum to no human connection. (Just to note; he is almost 50 to me. The comic writers fucked the timeline up and made him a 20 something year old. The Sin. Do not speak of it to me. It makes him less interesting/compelling I'm not kidding.) He is anxious in social settings, barely speaks up, and prefers to simply back away when he doesn't know how to deal with something. (SUPER DUPER AUTISM + SOCIAL ANXIETY!!!) Does he try to interact with his co-workers? Veeeeery little. He yearns for connection he convinces himself he doesn't need. He trusts no one. He's a mystery to them.

But hey!!! Less distractions from his job!!! (Bad transition) This man is genuinely incredible at what he does- I keep replaying the part where he reloads his rifle. He was not kidding about being efficient (he also kills the entire BLU team in that video??). The lad's got incredible patience, aim, control, and overall understanding of what he's doing. There's something fucked up about him observing the people he's targetting like prey, but let's leave that for when I mention his previous job as a tracker (if I do). I imagine the only thing he excelled at in school (he did go there!! He can write!!!) is maths, as that is very much needed when you're a sniper.

BTW I think he barely passed school; he hated being there, had no interest in school work and his teachers kept pestering him about his social life. Leave him alone, he doesn't need that (he does).

Most of his focus went to his parents' farm where I think he mostly took care of the animals....or went out to hunt them; which is how he learned to shoot out of a rifle in the first place. (His dad taught him.) He's not exactly an animal guy but he's also not not an animal guy.

It's complicated.

ANYWAYS, I've talked enough about one single video. Let's mention his in game voice lines a bit!

There's a LOT of material there but here's the stuff I want to mention:

He talks to himself a lot. He isn't out there with the others- his job is to be perched up somewhere high and shoot from a distance so he doesn't get spotted. He makes so many jokes that only HE's going to find funny, except "You've got a forehead on ya like a coffee table," which is genuinely the funniest thing he's ever said. Boy voices his thoughts and tries to entertain himself when he's alone- I don't judge him for that. He has to sit there for hours in complete focus (he helps himself via a lot of coffee). I DO judge the things he says, however.

He's violent. (WHAT!?) There's plenty of examples but I would like to mention one adressed to his teammates. One of the "Jeers" commands is "Should've saved a bullet for some of you blokes!" which, hey, what the fuck? That's scary. He got so frustrated he threatened his own team with murder. (It's kinda funny) To me this shows he's bad at controlling his outbursts or that he never learned how to deal with them. (Autism moment!!!)

He literally growls.

There's this line addressed to Spy: "What goes around comes around, you snotty little nance." If you're not aware- "nance" is derogatory Australian slang for a prissy, effeminate gay man. I headcanon Sniper as a homosexual man so it tickles me that he's so insecure about this fact. It's sad, absolutely, but I find humour in this horrible man being a homophobic homosexual. Project your insecurities onto a guy who can read people extremely well, why don't you. He won't do anything about it, I promise :) (Lie)

I was doing my best to not mention SniperSpy but CAN WE TALK ABOUT HIS LINES AIMED AT SPY AND HOW THEY'RE DIRECT RESPONSES TO THINGS SPY SAYS? (plus the highest number of revenge lines he has directed at someone is Spy)

-> = response to:

"Aww, did I get blood on your suit!?" -> "You got blood on my suit."

"I was never on your side either! Wanker!" -> "I never really was on your side."

"Ah, my God, you've been shot. Did you get a look at the handsome rogue who did it?" -> "I'll see you in hell, you handsome rogue."

BY THE WAY, THAT LAST LINE? SPY ONLY SAYS THAT TO HIS COUNTERPART. WHAT, WERE YOU LOOKING AT HIM? WERE YOU WATCHING HIM ALL DAY? WHY DO YOU REMEMBER SO MANY THINGS HE'S SAID? WHY ARE YOU SO FOCUSED ON HIM? ARE YOU OBSESSED WITH HIM? ARE YOU OBSESSED? WHY ARE YOU OBSESSED WITH A LITTLE NANCY BOY? HM?

There is so much more I could mention. I think whatever thing he has going on with Spy is super important to him, but I will hold back for your sake as I can talk about this for hours. You have no clue how many parallels there are, etc.

Anyways, he's in Expiration Date! A little bit! He doesn't say anything. <3 I'm proud of him!!! <3

He literally just stands around ominously in the shadows (and finds RED Spy being made fun of very amusing).

"Hehe."

(I just noticed he took his watch off and put it on his vest. This is an autism moment because I, too, hate having something on me that I don't usually have so I need to balance it out by removing something else; if I have it on me. Either way it's sensory suffering.) (Him being super attached to his hat and glasses is also an autism moment. He is no one without them.)

And then he has that one part in The Bread Fight(tm) where he gets confused by Pauling and Scout pushing the bomb.

"Tails gets trolled" looking ass.

I like watching him fall over.

After he falls here, he takes his kukri out which was... attached? situated? It was behind the strap of his arrow carrier. I think that's cool. I also think he wouldn't be doing that during matches because Spy is very much capable of stealing it/putting it away without Sniper noticing, even if it was literally on his back.

Also, I am a firm believer in "Sniper can only do one thing extremely well and has little to no interest in creative stuff," so I disagree with the idea of him being able to play a saxophone. You could say he was made to do that in school, but this guy is a smoker. I do not believe he can do that. You cannot convince me.

I think that's enough! This doesn't even go past the hypothetical tip of the iceberg, but it's a lot of words. This is the very basic stuff you have to know about how I see this cunt.

Thank you for letting me share some of my insanity.

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

One Message Waiting

Sequel to One is the Loneliest Number, One on One, One Little Thing, Only One I See, One Thing Leads To Another

Warnings: none, Professor Steve (that’s a warning in itself)

Dunno if I’ll be doing an exhaustive drabble series but there’s at least this. Let me know if you’re enjoying it or not and any thoughts you have. Love you!

Your phone lights up in the middle of the lecture and you flip it, ignoring the dual notification in the corner of your screen. Inez has no shame as she swipes through her feed, Professor Rogers' voice reaching the high ceiling as he expounds on the themes of FitzGerald. You note the title of the email before it flits back into the tool bar: Teacher's Assistant: Application Accepted.

You can't get ahead of yourself. Once you're through class, you can get excited. And anxious. Inez has taken to calling you goody two shoes over your extracurriculars but you'll laugh at her over your paychecks.

As the lesson comes to a close, Inez yawns and stretches, "you'll send me a copy of your notes?"

"Star student right here," you close your laptop and slip it in yoir bag.

"Who? You? You learn fast, Miss Sniper from the Side."

"You might get a bit better than a C if you wrote anything down," you chide as head down the row.

"Right, mom, I'll get on that," she follows you down the steps towards the front of the lecture hall, "right after I pick up my official geek badge from the station."

"You're stupid," you hurl back at her.

"Never claimed otherwise," she chuckles, "hey, you hear that, this bimbo used a big word. Otherwise!"

"Quit," you smile and stick your tongue out at her over your shoulder.

Your name smothers her response. Professor Rogers waves his pen at you as he nears, twirling it before hooking it over his shirt pocket, "so, you get the good news?"

"Hi, professor," Inez says deliberately.

"Um, hi," he gives and awkward smile before turning back to you, "so?"

"About my TAship? Yeah, I just got the email but haven't opened it–"

"So you don't know?"

"Um, it said accepted so–"

"Right, I won't spoil it," he beams, "sorry, I… you two have a good day. I gotta get across campus but if you have any questions about your placement, you know how to find me."

"Sure, thanks, professor," you nod and turn away, Inez hesitating before she trails after you.

"Uh huh, you know exactly how to find him, don't you?" She hisses as you pass into the hallway, "all you have to do is exist. Like Christ–"

"Really? You're still on this?" You huff.

"Oh, come on, you're not that clueless. He was shaking in excitement. Just to talk to you."

"Whatever," you take out your phone and swipe up. "I bet I got Laufeyson. Not even English, just my–" you pause as you open the email and read through, "huh."

"What?" She asks as she opens the front door ahead of you.

"I got… him. Professor Rogers."

"I knew it. I fucking called it," she hops down the steps in glee ahead of you, "oh my god, perfect opportunities for good old Professor Hunk!"

"Stop. Please. I'm already stressing and you're– you're freaking me out."

"Come on, I'm teasing you. We both know he's too squeaky clean to do anything like that. But it's funny, he's got a little crush on you. On you! The cutest little nerd on campus."

"Wow, thanks, you're an amazing friend," you say dryly.

"You should be flattered. He's a hottie, even for an old dude. Not exactly my flavour, you know, with the dangly bits and all, but I can tell a hot tamale when I see one."

"Do you stop? Ever?"

"No," she giggles, "come on, lets go get some tea. Then maybe you'll calm down… and we can plot how you can really make Dr. Heart Eyes squirm."

"No," you sneer.

"Aw, fine, just tea."

📱

The weight of the textbook weighs on your chest, your eyes half-closed as you lay across the narrow twin bed. In a minute, you'll finish, you swear. You just need a moment. Your phone vibes and you growl, Inez can be so annoying. And persistent.

You reach over blindly and bring your phone up, unlocking it with your thumb. The screen flashes and you hit the icon for your messages. You're surprised to find it isn't Inez, but a number without a name. You read through the last messages and realise it's Steve.

'Hey, can't wait to see you gorgeous. At the restaurant now.'

You blink and shove the book off your chest as you sit up. What the hell?

You put the phone back. Wrong number maybe? You don't know but you feel worse correcting him.

You let out a breath and grab the textbook, trying to refocus on your homework. He'll figure it out. Hopefully he can just laugh it off.

You uncap your highlighter as you contemplate another cup of coffee. It's late. You should at least try to sleep after.

You zone out to the buzz of your playlist, bulling through the last half of the chapter. History… it's like reading a story in a way but you just can't hold onto the details.

Your phone shakes again. You grab it and look at the time. You rest it on the closed textbook and yawn. It's veen thirty minutes since hisnlast text but you don't think he realises.

'Hey, you still coming?' Followed by the smiley emoji. Oh god.

You should tell him. You should let him know he's texting the wrong person. You key in the message and hover over send.

You can't. You feel the second-hand embarrassment through the phone. Hopefully he figures it out and just deletes the messages and pretends it didn't happen.

You black out the screen and plug in to the charger. You pile up your textbook and notebook and drop them on the floor beside the bed. You hit the bottom of the lamp and it turns off before you flop against the pillow. You're too tired to worry about all this.

You drift off easily. You sleep most of the night but wake at the noise of one of your roommates in the kitchen. The place is small and the walls are thin. You groan and rub the sleep from your eyes.

You get up and pull on your robe, dragging your feet into the hall and down to the bathroom. You take your time and come out as Ellie waits outside. You apologise and go back to your room.

You take your phone and look at the time, a speech bubble floating beneath. You hit it to expand the preview.

'So sorry. Wrong number. Hope you had a good night.'

You snort, slightly amused. At least he caught his mistake. You swipe away the notification and unlock the screen, going through the dailyl listless scroll of social media.

[the0retically]

The Suckening #13: Breaking Dawn:

What a great finale, that was incredible :)

- “Would you like to know what’s in the center? It’s a baseball diamond” CHARLIE WHAT

- “I land and say ‘I love baseball’” ok Arthur

- Manbat???

- “I say ‘slay’” ok Arthur

- ARTHUR HAS A SNIPER RIFLE NOW??

- I’m crying this is so funny to me

- “I didn’t get to bat” ARTHUR PLEASE

- PLEASE MANBAT BROKE THE MASQUERADE BY ORDERING UBER EATS??

- Manbat going between animal and human is so funny

- HES TWERKING HES THROWING IT BACK OH MY GOD

- CHETS BACK

- I really hope he stays alive

- I love how defeated Charlie sounds when Condi does something smart

- Condi wanting to press a button from the ceiling but Charlie being like “I don’t understand how you could possibly press a button”

- PLEASE?? CONDI’S DOING THE BUTTON PRESSING THING AGAIN LIKE IN PD

- FUCK EDWARD KNOWS ITS EMIZEL

- oh now we’re back with Ben and Shilo :(

- A SHARK WITH SPIDER LEGS AND MACHINE GUNS?????

- HI WEYLINS!!!!!!!! I LOVE YOU BOTH!!!!

- but oh god?? Why is this here with Ben and Shilo??

- “Ben it is my fault you’re in here” “no I think I just wandered…it’s ok you said you’re going to walk me home” this is so so sad

- “This is horrible” “yeah it doesn’t end well” “I know…but maybe?” God bizly you sound so hopeful that it could but I really don’t think it will

- Arthur’s theme, it’s so good, I cannot wait for the soundtrack to come out I love it

- Oh? Arthur what are you up to?

- …………..Emizel? Huh??

- THEO!!!!!! ITS THEO HES HERE YES YES YES YES YES YES

- HE GOT IN!!!!!!! HES IN THE CONTROL ROOM LETS GOOOOOOO I LOVE HIM

- ……ok it’s so weird them chanting theo like hi that’s me??

- BUT LETS GOOOOOOO I LOVE THIS ITS WORKING!!!!! THE PLAN IS KINDA WORKING

- awww they’re rolling together I love that—Oop they rolled bad

- Another series of roll offs again??

- WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT NO SAME BIZLY AND GRIZZLY? I—WHAT?

- THEO RESISTED DOMINANT???? OH GOD EMIZEL HAS TO DO THIS AND THEO DOESNT

- NO NO NO NO NO EMIZEL NO NO NO

- I’m literally going to start crying he does not have to kill Theo

- “I need you to attack Theo like he killed your best friend” oh god

- “I should mighty blowed, I would’ve totally blowed him mightily” OK??? WHAT????

- HE JUST TAKES THE DAMAGE WHAT????

- “You look really feral right now” PLEASE?

- “He told me to kill you and I just had to” “well don’t do that man” PLEASE?????

- He just ran into the wall and couldn’t do anything?? Theo nooooo

- “Think about how sexy it is to dash across the room and smoulder” ……ok bebo

- “He has dude with a dream” OH FUCK HE JUST CHOPPED THEO’S ARM OFF????? OH MY GOD???

- “Don’t give me sad baby girl eyes” “I don’t like what’s happening” “you’re the one DOING THIS??” Charlie Charlie please it’s Theo come on it’s Theo

- WHAT?? THEO GRABS HIS OWN HAND TO BLOCK IT????

- “I didn’t realize how attached I was to Theo until now, this shit sucks” YEAH IT DOES CHARLIE DONT KILL THEO

- Yeah Edwards awful I hate him

- This is so—:((((

- Emizel botched, please theo get out of there

- “Hey Zoolander!” YES THEO PERFECT

- NOOOOOOOOOO EDWARD DODGED

- THEO IS CRACKED I LOVE THIS

- CHARLIES YELL FOR THEO OH MY GOD

- THIS IS CRAZY THEO IS AO SO COOL

- THE DICE ARE TELLING THEIR STORY THIS IS CRAZY

- NO NO NO NO NO DONT MAKE EMIZEL FORGET ABOUT THEO BUT DONT PUT THEM IN THE GAMES NOOOOOOO

- WHAT?? EMIZEL WHAT???

- HE STANDS BACK UP WHAT THE FUCK??????? THEO LETS GOOOOOOOOOO YES!!!!!!!

- How is Theo still alive???? What the fuck??

- “I have the power of a god and he’s just a boy” YEAH BUT HES DOING GREAT!!!!

- He just has to leave Theo?????? Oh god this is not good

- “I really don’t want to look like a bat” PLEASE OH MY GOD

- Awww void is here :) I love her

- Cradle Manbat ok Arthur

- “And a new hope is another” “nope that’s Star Wars” PLEASE

- “You suck somebody’s soul out and you say POGGERS??” Oh my god perfect

- Charlie is having such a hard time with this map oh my god broooooo??

- “Definitely talking to Viv about that one” I love their friendship so much

- :((( shilo and Ben

- “Penguins are not birds” OH GOD????? YES THEY ARE??? WHAT????? WHAT IS HAPPENING WITH THIS CONVERSATION GRIZZLY WHAT?

- Shilo finds the receptionist now??? Oh god this is horrible

- Oh god, grangle is now here

- “What do you mean bait shilo” GOD CHARLIE THIS IS SO SO SAD I HATE THIS

- This is heartbreaking, Charlie please

- “Oh god what was her name, I don’t remember” “you don’t even remember” CHARLIE PLEASE BIZLY IS TRYING

- like bizly truly is having the worst time out of all of them

- GABRIEL??????? WHAT???? IS THAT HIM?????? HES BACK????? IM SO!!!! OH MY GOD??????

- HES HERE!!!!!!! HI GABE!!!!!!

- Oh god……..it’s been announced to everyone

- He just immediately kills him oh my god

- WHAT GABE JUST BIT HIM BACK??

- A SUCK OFF??? HUH??

- CHET NOOOOOO CHET NOOOOOOOOOOO

- TAYLOR YES!!!!!

- “Another nameless, I’m slipping the more I look at you, tell me: why should I stop?” Arthur :(((((( please :((((

- BOOGIE BOMBED????

- “Ok Ben we’re going to go this way” “just looks at you” “you can—“ :((((((((((((((( shilo :(((((( nooooo this is so sad

- It’s between Ben or the body :( shilo is just trying his hardest

- Charlie this is devastating why are you doing this

- Shilo is just trying so hard to save him

- Shilo got no successes, please Charlie just let Ben speak

- Charlie what the fuck, “he sees a bird :)” nooooooooooooooo nooooooooooooo

- I hate hearing how sad Bizly and Charlie are because this is horrible

- “And Ben goes home” CHARLIE PLEASE

- bizly…..bebo…..Zach, it’s full name time, that last memory is so sad oh my god

- This is—god

- Ok but Arthur and Shilo have reunited at least

- “I shouldn’t have PLAYED THEIR GAMES” :((( shilo

- “Can you just tell me what to do?” Shilo please :(

- They’re all reunited but god they’re all so defeated

- TAYLORS HERE

- THE WEYLINS!!!!! THEYRE BACK!!!! HI HI

- I love that they are just constantly cutting the cameras when Taylor’s there and doing something

- God Grizz just has banger monologue after banger monologue

- “What about fighting the beast and about holding on?” “Yes.” “Can-can you not just hold on?” Oh :((((( that’s absolutely devastating “I’ve been holding on for a long time and there is too much I have still get to find.” Arthur :(((

- Bizly is a fantastic actor holy shit, man’s popping off I adore this

- “The rules were clear from the beginning, we just never thought to look at them” damn emizel, yeah you’re so right

- “I’m beginning to understand your mother” :(

- Arthur please don’t let this be goodbye

- Found a cave but “finish the show” FUCK ME

- Now they have to fight each other, god damn it

- Arthur please go for Edward

- YAY HE GOES

- “You kinda want to kill shilo” oh my god?????? No no no???

- Taylor’s back!!!!! AND HES DYING TO FIND EDWARD WOOOO

- this is batshit oh my god

- I love how all of them are like “yeah I don’t care if Taylor is the one who kills him go for it”

- EMIZELS GOING FOR EDWARD LETS GOOOOOOO YAY!!!!!!!!

- Arthur and Edward being friends in the past is something that is so odd to me

- Oh?? Arthur?? What??? Arthur’s pulling a Harlem Shade

- Edward just runs away???

- Oh god and Shilo is back there too

- “You know what they say in my home country? Fuck it we ball” YEAH SHILO!!!!

- oh and he just botched oof

- Shilo??

- WHAT?

- EDWARDS BEAUTY IS RIPPED FROM HIM??? HOLY SHIT FUCKING HELL SHILO LETS GO????

- “They’re watching Edward, they’re disgusted by you” oh my god

- “And you can replace it after this session” ……..is this not the finale?

- “You ruined your mothers life too” WHAT THE HELL EDWARD??

- What do you mean you’re not leaving emizel??

- No scar? Huh?? Nooooo it wasn’t really him

- Oh :( he’s going to hug Arthur :((

- Only emizel could say “I’m gonna die here…see you guys tomorrow”

- They all hug :(

- Oh he’s thinking of Theo as he waits for the sun :(

- :(( Arthur thinking about how he failed the twins :( Arthur you deserve peace!!

- Shilo what goes on in your mind “vampires fucking suck” yeah fair enough

- Pile of ashes and a note

- He’s at 4 lives now

- “There’s no going back, but maybe there’s going forward” oh I love that quote

- AWWWWW LAZARUS!! “now those are my boys” HE!!!!

- FIRST SEASON??? HOLY SHIT!!!!! THE BOYS ARE STAYING!!!! YAYYAYAYAYAYYYAYAY

[prettyboypistol]

I love your writing so much!!! Could i perhaps request... to dom the boston man again... i dont really care when or where or how or what i just really wanna SQUEEZE HIM!! thank ya kindly continue doin what your doin

TF2 Scout x M!Reader || Daddy Issues +18

[Bottom!Scout/Top!Reader][Drunk Sex][Semi-Realistic Mentions of Prep Before Sex][First Time][Mildly Rough Sex]

Mentions of: - VOMIT(nothing graphic) - DRUNKEN HAZE INTO A MAKEOUT - DUBCON(both of yall are consenting, but drunk)

A few shots of tequila into a neutral zone day had you and Scout looser and over in a much better mood than usual. While Scout had devolved into an ego contest with the enemy Scout, you sat there merely watching him as you idly chatted with the other team's Sniper. He was a lot more friendly than your Sniper was- ever the isolationist he tended to be. Nevertheless, Sniper chuckled and leaned closer to you with a knowing glint in his eyes.

"Y'know, I'm not one to judge, but there's a good chance you might get lucky with him if you play your cards right." He murmured lowly, as if the words he spoke were dirty and filthy for public manners. They were, in a sense, but still. This was a meetup of men who openly murdered each other for fun and for money, acting as if they were good friends.

You chuckled and rolled your eyes. "Yeah, just like how my Spy nearly stabbed you not 20 minutes ago for offering to buy him a drink?"

"I just need to work him a bit." Sniper retorted. "I can tell he loves the danger of a survivalist- he's just too wound up to admit it."

"Wait, really?" You asked as you furrowed your brow. "How do you know that?"

Sniper laughed.

"I stole a few psych books from my Medic a while back to occupy my time with, one was a psycho-sexual connection thing all about how people get off to things that bother 'em. Like how your Spy just needs a man like me to throw him around." Sniper chuckled and dropped his voice a tad as he noticed your gaze land on your Scout again. "Or how Mister "pay attention to me" over there wants to call you Daddy."

You jolt away from Sniper, which nearly caused the stool you sat in to fall over behind you. You look at him incredulously, perhaps with a little glare, and make a tad flustered goodbye as you left your seat.

"Just try it out mate." You heard him say from behind you- that stupid smile still probably on his face. You didn't have time to spin around and flip him off, as Scout bumped into you with a slurred smile. Ah hell, what's one more shot?

Well, one more shot had you coming to as you felt a slight bit colder, your back was up against a wall, and there was a wet sensation in your mouth and over your lips; was that your tongue in your mouth? The noises around you blurred together strangely as you tried to figure out where you were. It sounded like another person was with you, a little bit at least. Your world still spun around slightly.

"-been waitin' for ages to do this-" You heard a voice say as a warmth pressed further against your chest, more than it already was, anyway.

"Scout?" You muttered, you felt your jaw have weight that you never knew it had before. God, you felt tired.

You pushed the body away from you, moving to sit down on the nearby bed to get a grip on your world before you did anything stupid.

"You okay dude?" Scout asked as he sat down next to you. You wanted to kiss him so fucking bad jesus christ-

"Sorry, my head's a bit fuzzy, I- uh, I need to sit down for a second." You breathed slowly as your vision finally started to make sense.

"Awe, drink too much?" Scout chuckled. "I'da thought you puked it all outta you a few minutes ago!"

"That- what? That's not how being drunk works?" You mumbled out as you snagged Scout's water bottle and took a few sips. The room temperature water never tasted better to you as the lingering taste of burning booze in your throat washed out for a moment.

You turned to look at Scout properly once you finally gained your vision back well enough to understand where you were. Scout had taken off his shirt and scooted closer to you with a weak smile.

"Do you still wanna do this?" Scout asked softly. You nodded, impulsively pushing Scout onto his bed with a rather forceful and overpowering kiss. Scout whined as he wrapped his gangly legs around your waist, the friction made your cock throb in need from an erection you didn't know you had.

You finally took the pleasure into your hands, intentionally seeking out your release as Scout whimpered and moaned from your touches. You could feel the bumps of Scout's ribs through his chest as his heart pounded in his chest.

"You've got my full attention babyboy, tell Daddy what you want." You groaned softly against Scout's neck as you placed a rather claiming kiss to the runner's throat. The words seemed to have an effect on Scout, as he thrusted his hips against you with a squeak. As you pulled away, your boytoy let out a protest, but you grabbed his face with one of your hands and glared at him with a domineering edge.

"Always whining like a brat to be looked at, well? What do you want?"

"Oh god- yeah, uh-" Scout spluttered. "God, I need you inside me."

With a few awkward shuffles and a removal of Scout's boxers and your drawstring pants, you were guided to Scout's ass as he retold the story about how you two stumbled through a mini enima-esque ritual which resulted in you puking into Scout's bathroom trashcan and Scout nearly passing out due to laughing too hard. Scout handed you a jar of vaseline, as he devolved into a little fit of giggles as he remembered the sight of you.

Although, the moment your finger pressed against him and slipped the first knuckle inside, Scout stiffened and gasped at the cold touch of the lube and your hands. You knew what to do, you've had sex before with other men; Scout acted and whimpered as if he hadn't.

"First time, prettyboy?" You laughed.

"I mean, with a guy like you, yeah." Scout nodded into his pillows.

"Alright, I'll be a little kind with you."

"Nah nah, fuck me up! I can take it!" Scout goaded as he pushed his ass deeper against your fingers with a groan. "I've been doin' this to myself for ages! Also- can I actually call you Daddy? Please?"

Well, who were you to deny your babyboy?

It was rather quick before you pressed inside of Scout, with the sweet gangle of limbs and attitude whining at just the head of your dick inside him. You weren't massive or anything, but the whimpering certainly boosted your confidence.

Little thrusts were protested against as Scout begged for something deeper and gut-twisting.

You laid against Scout's back as you set a mean and harsh pace, your mouth right by Scout's ear.

"You've got Daddy's eye, c'mon, what's it you've been wanting to say?" You couldn't help but tease as Scout barely slurred out a coherent sentence between his moans and whimpers as he jerked himself off haphazardly.

"Oh god- oh fuck, Daddy jus'-t!" Scout wailed as his bedframe rattled against the wall. The resulting banging on the wall from a rather unimpressed Engineer, but you paid no mind as the tight squeezing around your dick was more desirable to think about than the lecture you were gonna get tomorrow.

"That's it Scout, say my fucking name."

Scout let out a silent scream as you pulled his hair. With a keening whine and choked gasp his body shuddered as his orgasm knocked both of you for a loop. The feeling of Scout around you, the way he begged for you to ruin him, hell, even the shots you did loosening your inhibitions culminated in you pumping only a few shallow times as you pulled out to shoot your semen over Scout's lower back with a sigh of relief.

You didn't drink that much, hopefully you both would remember tonight.

And even if you didn't, the mess you both woke up to was more than enough of a reminder.

[correctrvbquotes]

In the background, Tucker emerges from inside the base and approaches Church and Caboose.

Tucker: Uh, whudldldluh. Bludludldldlah.

Church: Oh well, look who's awake.

Tucker: What the fuck happened?

Caboose: Oh, well, um, uh as you may remember, uh you were impregnated by an alien visitor who was on a noble mission to save his entire species from de-

Tucker: Can I get the short version of this?

Church: Yeah, you got knocked up, you got knocked out.

Tucker: Oh right, I need to start workin' out. Lose this baby weight.

Caboose: Yeah, you know, we, we should all start working out, you know, uh, especially some of us.

Tucker: Yeah, some of us seem to have let ourselves go more than others.

Church: Are you guys talkin' about me?

Caboose: We, ah, didn't wanna say anything.

Tucker: Yeah, that's why we said something. Fatty!

Church: Hey back off guys, I've been under a lot of stress. I've been carrying this whole fucking team.

Tucker: Where'd you carry us, to the buffet?

Caboose: He said it.

Tucker: What're you guys doing up here anyway? And what's that huge thing?

Caboose: That's Church.

Church: He means the ship, Caboose.

Caboose: He said it.

Church: The Reds called in a ship, and it landed on Donut. Now they've got new hardware, and a new soldier.

Tucker: Who, that girl?

Church: Wha- Girl? That's a girl?

Tucker: Duh. The yellow one, right? The one talking to Simmons?

Caboose: Wow, you have really good eyes!

Tucker: I have to. I never get to use the fucking sniper rifle.

Church: You're positive that's a girl? How can you be sure?

Tucker: Dude, look who you're talking to.

[starr-finn]

Hi okay so for ur first tf2 req, I will go with something that isn't too specific lol

- So this can be for all, but you don't have to include Pyro and Heavy if you don't wanna do all

- So the prompt is, Medic has either become sick and can't participate in the fight, or he got an assistant medic (in the case for writing for Medic)

- And Reader is the replacement/assistant medic!

- She's kinda like a medic gf but in a /pos way

- So she's got the med gf outfit (blighted beak, das fantzipantzen, long pleated skirt) with a quick-fix (so she can follow rocket-jumpers and sticky-jumpers)

- She's also very nice and always compliments/thanks her team ('That was an amazing kill/shot' + 'Wow that was impressive' + 'Thanks so much for the dispenser/sandvich') bc yippee kindness

- You know the perennial petals effect? That's her-core (also yes, if needed can reader be fem)

- Here's some her-core photos

AWWWW YEAHHHH FIRST TF2 REQUEST!!! LESSGO!

I will 100% write this for you! This is such a cute request, as per usual! hope you like this one bestie! I won't add pyro because I really don't know how to write pyro lol, also to everyone reading, I'm trying to color code things now! helps me keep focused

TF2 Mercs with a medic GF!

Author's note: all of the Mercs without Pyro because I just can't write him so yay! Hope Y'all like this! I tried to make it super cute, also, just to point this out here too, Fem!Reader, and mentions of food in Heavy's part (Sandvich ofc) PRobably mistranslated russian, and german, the french is pretty damn obvious

Scout

Buddy boy here thinks you're super cool, and he loves having a medic GF!

You're always there when he gets hurt, and he loves it

he loves your constant compliments

"Wow Scout! Nice shot!"

He chuckles softly and smiles "Thanks cutie!"

Scout loves how gentle you are when you patch him up, he thinks its adorable

any time you mention anything about being proud of him for some crazy ass shot he pulled off he almost cries

Full on adores you

Calls you stuff like Cutie and Baby doll

Soldier

Bro gets into so much trouble it's not even funny tbh, dude stresses you out so much

He comes to you for everything because he enjoys how soft you are with him

He loves getting compliments from you, he just loves it

"Wow! great shot!" You smile, nodding softly at him

"Thank you Dearest" he salutes at you and then runs off to kill more people

Soldier will always drop everything to keep you safe (Defend your medics kids)

He gets hurt far to much for your liking but you honestly can't blame him in your job (and brain damage)

he is far too protective over you

Calls you Dearest and love

Demoman

Bro gets hurt sometimes, just because of his explosives, and you're always right there with him

He rambles about how much he loves you and how much he loves how gentle you are when he's drunk

He always basically drops dead when you compliment him

You smile over at him "Nice shot, dear!"

Demo looks down, lightly kicking at the dirt "Aww...thanks love..."

Demo will physically fight anyone that even dares to try anything with you

He loves how you're always there when he's far to drunk to move

Calls you stuff like Love and Darling

Sniper

Sniper doesn't get as hurt as often, he still gets injuries though

He'll keep you in his line of sight all the time and kill anyone that tries attacking you, super protective boy

as an introvert, homie almost loses it everytime you say something nice to him

Like pulls his hat down over his face flustered

"Woah!!! You're really good at that Snipes!" you smile softly and look up at him

Sniper blushes and covers his face with his hat "W-Well thank you"

now, dude will actually go to the ends of the earth to keep you safe

Healing his ass is super easy cuz this hoe stays still the whole time

Rambles about you to anyone who listens

Calls you stuff like "Roo" and "Little Koala"

Engineer (I absolutely adore this fucker)

Engie here is super easy to heal, still as a fucking stone

He likes to keep you safe, he absolutely loves you too much to let you get hurt yourself

He smiles softly and gets all blushy everytime you thank him or say something nice

"Thanks for the dispenser, love!"

He smiles and gently rubs the back of his neck "Awee thanks honey bee!"

Engie will hold your hand every time he's healing you

Helps you patch up some people

Brags that he managed to pull 'The sweetest damn woman alive"

Calls you 'Honey bee' and 'Sugar'

Medic

He's a doctor himself, so you both patch each other up!

actually tortured a guy for shooting at you

He always gets so damn cocky when you get all sweet with him

"Thanks for the heal Doc!" You smile and nod at him before running off

Medic chuckles softly and yells after you "You're welcome Engel!"

He likes when you help him with checkups!

He likes having you as a nurse around the infirmary

He doesn't really brag about you, unless he's like, SUPER drunk

Calls you 'Engel' and 'Schatz'

Heavy

Ok so Heavy gets hurt more than soldier does, he is heavy weapons guy after all

Like all the other mercs, he's super protective

Takes all the thanks, and praise so gracefully

"Thanks for the sandvich dear!" You smile happily chomping down on the sandvich

Heavy gently ruffles your hair before walking off "You're welcome Ангел'

stands in front of you in fights

Definitely towers over you btw

likes when you heal him up after a fight

Calls you stuff like 'Ангел' and 'Родна́я'

Spy

This old ass man is a tryhard with not getting hurt, it still happens

Protective, again

another cocky one with praise and thanks

"Wow! Impressive kill Dearest!" You smile softly looking over at him

He chuckles softly and nods "Thank you, Mon amour"

Shows you off constantly

Brags more than scout does

you're really one of the only people he lets touch him

Calls you 'Mon amour' and that alone

[crithaus]

Morgwen Bodyguard!AU where it's the whole gang in mostly modern times. This is extensive, bear with me.

Through some series of events I haven't thought of yet England has not become England as we know it yet though most of history remains the same and Uther Pendragon is King Regnant of Albion, and he does about just as good a job rearing two kids as he does running a country and has a great vast many enemies so his heir apparent Crown Prince Arthur and his ward Morgana, now Duchess of Gorlois after the death of her 'father', are now in desperate need of a constant detail of bodyguards.

enter gwen and the gang

his capital city can only bear to send CIS' - Camelot Intelligence Services - finest on recommendation by his own friend and personal physician. Sends him 2 3-cell teams of their best intelligence agents or at least, least likely to kill each other while guarding bodys yknow.

And Morgana gets hers. Her team leader, sniper and combat specialist Lancelot, ex combat pilot turned all around agent Elyan and to her immense surprise, Elyan's super super gorgeous sister, Guinevere.

Arthur gets his cell, team leader Leon his getaway driver and head strategist, defense and combat specialist Gwaine and hacker Merlin, though the poor boy gets a secondary job as Arthur's PA too which takes up much of his time.

Morgana's spent every moment of her life that she can remember simpering with high society boys and girls, all of them either vapid and idiotic or worse yet, cruel and calculating and never ever has she met a woman more fascinating than Gwen. She's her new personal assistant much like Merlin is Arthur's, with an eidetic memory and the management skills of Hannibal fucking Barca, a parisian boutique's worth of seamstress ability and the personal upkeep, maintainence and even some smithing of all her cell's weapons. She runs shit like the navy and when Morgana asks why she isn't team leader, Gwen just laughs and oh man is her laugh pretty, and shrugs, "someone needs to be focused solely on you yknow." While looking at her with the biggest doe-iest eyes and Morgana finds herself blushing a lot more?? Beaming ear to ear, too. And

Idk Morgana dragging Gwen off to galas and Gwen taking her off to more low key spots, the club perchance, and Gwen getting wowed by morgana's rapier wit and political acumen and Morgana getting wowed by this absolutely radiant beam of sunshine who snatched a gun out of a mugger's holster before he could do anything and popped some other dude 30 paces away without a hair out of place and adventures. Gwen absolutely despises Uther, Morgana hates all the snooty folk that expect Gwen to kowtow to them. Gwen finds that though her job is to personally assist, the Duchess is actually quite nice, fiercely loyal to her as if just the doing of her job is enough to warrant such, though shes achingly lonely so maybe that's why, is very funny, and kind, and compassionate if a little impulsive and rash, and comes up with the funniest insults imaginable murmured directly into her ear as she stands at her post in the back of x meeting of uther's privy council or y public function. Also that her eyes are theeee most brilliantly clear shade of green, like the still clear pond near her house, like garnet-

Morgana has awful nightmares of totally not suspicious events that come true an odd amount of the time and Gwen is receiving back Intel from CIS and Uther about potential stirring of war from a King Cenred across ye Olde channel and they go on cool car chases and maybe there's a shopping montage or two but yea. Idk how to end this but uther realizes he doesn't have to die a shitty old man and legitimizes Morgana as a princess of the blood before he chokes and when she and Gwen get married it's princess style babyyy

Oh and definitely morgana giving herself up to some assailants cuz gwen is hurt and some baddies cracking poor morgana on the head and Gwen frantically trying to keep her awake and morgana is just griiiiiinning at her all restored even as concussed as she is cuz this angel is cupping her face in her hands and yea, that thing

[theresaghostinmyhome]

Simon “Ghost” Riley general headcanons

• Authors note: First post on this blog WOOO let's GO DUDEEEE ☾ • Warnings: none, just ghoth ☾ ☆ Not as “strong silent type” as one might imagine. He’s kind of a loudass, no? At least around the people he’s comfortable with. I think people resign him to that trope because he might not say as much as the rest of 141, but he’s definitely borderline yelling even in casual conversations. I blame the protective headphones. Plus dude’s from Manchester, tell me again he’s silent, go on! ☆ Autistic. Totally, entirely, Autistic. You see them stares? 👁️👁️ Headass. I see it in so many of his behaviors. Plus the military grade protective headphones would be a blessing to someone with sensory issues. Also the mask! He needs it to feel comfortable in my opinion. And I have a personal headcanon that his inspiration behind the skull mask wasn’t as scary as people make it out to be…simply put: Pokemon. Duskull. Tell me young Simon wasn’t trying to get comfortable away from home enlisting into the military and making a mask inspired by one of his special interests? ☆ Sleeps like he’s in prison. Very light sleeper, even when he’s home. The sound of the wind blowing outside a little too loudly can cause those heavy, tired eyes to open and check what time it is, for the eighth time in the night. I do believe if he’s with someone though, it becomes a little easier, more so with someone he trusts with his life. ☆ Nightmares. On the topic of sleep, Simon gets really bad nightmares. I think he has bouts where he doesn’t dream at all due to how little he’s actually sleeping and dozing in and out frequently, and other times it’s filled with flashes of the past whether from home or on the field. ☆ If Simon gets too many nightmares in one night, he’ll just decide to stay awake until the sun comes up or take over-watch to let someone else more capable of rest get some shuteye. ☆ Simon likes gaming and anime. Might own one or two figurines at home posted up in his nice gamer PC with red and black RGB lights. He and Roach like to keep up with the latest figurines in the stuff they like, even if they aren’t buying them. ☆ Speaking of gaming, dude’s nutty at FPS games. He’s got the whole sniper trope down in his own military career…but it’s the same exact way in games too. Can wipe a whole team clean and leave whoever is on his team screaming “LET'S FUCKING GOOOOOOOO”. Hurts his ears. ☆ Simon and Johnny play games together sometimes, but Johnny is a bit of a knob when it comes to games. Think dudebro taste buds, Fortnite, FIFA, any games similar to CoD. Simon bears it though, mostly with Fortnite, the skins are worth it to him. Simon rags on him for playing on console. ☆ As untrustworthy Simon is, he prefers people to make his tea for him. I think something about it comforts him, probably reminds him of his mother. Whenever he’s home it’s some of the highlights of his time off when he gets to visit his brother and mum to have tea and catch up. ☆ I believe Simon makes his own masks, and his needlework isn’t anything to scoff at. To close off these headcanons I’ll share a wholesome thought I think to be true. Whenever 141 has a piece of equipment or clothing that they need to patch up, he’ll do it for them. Sometimes without them even knowing. He doesn’t need his friends complaining about the cold because of one tiny hole in their tactical hoodie. *Autistic staring at Soap*