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enrosadiraanisaaa · 9 months

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Within Session .Part Six.

Holy shit, happy December and Merry Christmas y'all! I'm so happy to finally post another chapter of Within Session. Yes, its been a while but starting a new job is stressful. Thankfully, I figured how to manage time. This part is extremely long, more than 5k. words. I'm proud of myself! This fanfic consists of Yandere!Leon Kennedy. I intend for this fic to progressively become disturbing and fucked up with each chapter. While the first few chapters will be tamed, expect the following in this series:

~Stalking, Kidnapping, Forced Breeding, Degradation, NonCon, Gang Banging, Forced Pregnancy, Somnophilia, Blackmail, Manipulation, Abuse, Pet Names, Obsessive Behavior (Duh), Torture, Constraints, Mentions of Blood & Gore, Mental Degradation, Toxic Relationship, Sexual Abuse, Masturbation, Drugged & Drunk Sex, Loss of Virginity, Forced Penetration…

Also you will be retconned (Too bad 😏): Female Reader, 24 Years old and from Texas 💝 (yeehaw)

This story was purely written with RE 4 (Remake) Leon in mind. So no puppy dog Leon from RE2 or DILF Leon from later games & movies. The story takes place several months after the events of RE4. Yay, you’re in 2004!

I plan to make this series long and fleshed out, but I promise what you want will hit you like a train~🚂

This story does contain +18 content (NSFW) 🔞 If you’re a minor, please go read a real book or something, don’t cry to me when your mom finds your shit.

Summary

As an on sight therapist for STRATCOM in Nebraska, you’re tasked with providing quality therapy for US military personnel and government agents. After working at the headquarters for 6 months, Hunnigan recommends you to a notable government agent, Leon Kennedy, who is in need of therapy. After a number of sessions with you, Leon notices a substantial stability in his sanity yet is threatened when you are offered a position back home, closer to your family and friends. Your choice doesn’t sit well with one particular client, who can’t fathom you out of your role as his therapist. Leon has found a means of keeping his precious therapist and realizes you are the key to his permanent solace. You were obviously destined to be his in some form. Why dream of him letting you go?

A\N: I was heavily inspired by Satoshi Kon’s Perfect Blue 💙, ExploreVenus’s Something Permanent and Guardian Angel by NexysWorld. We're finally getting into the nitty gritty of the story. Reminder that if you're not comfortable with male obsession and stalking, this is not for you. But if you're fucked up like me, please enjoy this! This is a really long chapter, hope y'all like it. 😉 Please comment on what how you feel about this chapter, I'm a whore for feedback. Hate it? Comment. Love it? Comment, por favor.

This is the longest chapter with 5k words, pretty much twice than I typically write for a chapter. Keep this in mind if you are wondering why, it seems longer.

Hope y'all enjoy the sixth part! More to come 💝~ Anisssa أنيسة

Here is Part One , Part Two, Part Three, Part Four and Part Five of Within Session

Blue Monday

For several months, the disdain for the winter season was prominent as the days were still short of daylight. Along with the absence of familiar faces from family and friends from home, winter blues roused thoughts of returning to home. Even with the presence of Mateo and his buddies around at the house, it never satiated your homesickness. The transition into this New Year was strenuous, yet you continued the routine of attending to clients at the USSSTRATCOM headquarters during the week, the occasional LAN parties hosted on weekends with the dudes, and friend dates with Hunnigan. Still, you could not deny there were urges to pull out your suitcase and call quits on the government position. Home was not here in Nebraska.

Now in the middle of February, the extensive drive home seemed to kindle symptoms of burnout. Upon opening the entrance door to your apartment, the dead silence prompted your eyes to glance around the living room for the presence of your roommate, Mateo. For once you arrived home before him. With every step further into your living room, the floor boards seemed to creak under pressure. Your body immediately gravitates towards the couch, slumping on the cushions to sprawl out in exhaustion. In one hand, you gripped your purse while the other held a bouquet of flowers.

Until the last session earlier today, it did not dawn on you that today was Valentine's Day. Leon, of all people, arrived at session with a bouquet of roses in his possession with his usual smuggish smirk. The gesture caught you off guard that you simply accepted the bouquet without protest. This questionable offering from him was unpredicted, a moment of vulnerability impelling you to accidentally violate a simple policy between client and therapist.

A groan emits from your mouth, decisively kicking off the heels to note how sore your feet were. No doubt the roses in your hand were beautiful, but they were from a client on this particular holiday. You grunt in disapproval, instead eliciting to assume he gifted the roses for his appreciation for your dedication to him as his therapist. Yes, those thoughts brought peace of mind. But you then realized the price tag sticker on the bottom of the bouquet.

“Holy fuck! Who spends $80 on a bouquet of roses? Well shit, now I’ll feel guilty if I toss them out… Dammit, Leon…”

Leon Kennedy, a client you have been providing treatment with for the last three months since November. Along with his substantial progress in his intervention goals, you had the opportunity to further learn about the peculiar character that is Leon. Every session he never failed to crack jokes on whim or comment snide remarks, his attempt to speak off topic. Beside his efforts to conceal his discomfort with humor, there was also an underlying suspicion that Leon was withholding details regarding certain discussions. He avoids topics through escape by immediately steering the conversation. Every instance that Leon avoids a subject, you take note of it, knowing somehow you would eventually touch base on it.

With the bouquet of roses in your hand, you notice several detached rose petals on the couch cushion. A pang of guilt coursed in your chest, registering the maltreatment of the flowers in your grasp. Despite the aching pain in your feet, you stand from the couch to walk to the kitchen in search of a vase. You were no flower arranger but the glass vase you found complimented the red of the petals. Next session you would have to bestow some gratitude to Leon, since the guy deserves some appreciation for the gift. Maybe the man really was trying to express his reverence, Valentine’s Day was not all about romance, right?

In the moment of admiring the roses you placed in the glass vase, you realize that it has been a while since you have received something like this from anyone. While you let out a gentle huff, your hands reach out to rearrange several roses until you were appeased with the arrangement. Then the abrupt ringing of your phone from your pocket interrupted your trance from the vase of roses, a phone number unbeknownst to you displayed on the small screen of the flip phone.

‘It’s an area code from Texas… is it from San Antonio, Dallas, or Austin? But who calls late on a Monday night?’ You decipher, debating the thought to answer the call knowing the area code was from one of the major metroplex cities.

This time you sigh, adjusting your throat to answer in a pleasant tone. “Uh, hello?” You greet hesitantly, holding the pink flip phone to your ear.

A gentle feminine voice responds with “Hello…” along with your full name.

The utterance of your first and last name from the unknown voice nearly startles you to the core, immediately furrowing your eyebrows in confusion.

“This is her… Uh, who are you?” You ask, slight concern obvious in your question. Was this call a scam?

On the other end of the line, the female voice chuckles lightly into the phone,”Sorry to call this late, I am from a counseling program partnered with a foster care facility based here in Austin. We are looking for new recruits with the right credentials. I came across your application from a year ago and I am curious if you would still be interested in doing an interview and perhaps be interested in joining our team? From your application, I can see your address is in Corpus Christi.”

At that moment you seat yourself on a chair in the dining room, glancing at the adorned vase of roses on the dining room table. This was an unmistakable opportunity that manifested itself in one phone call, but you could not allow yourself to become excited so soon.

“Unfortunately, I am not living in Texas at the moment. I actually took a therapist position here in Omaha, Nebraska. I won’t be able to schedule an interview, I apologize,” You express in a solemn tone, assuming this would end the conversation.

“Oh, if you don’t mind…. We can do an interview right now over the phone.” The lady mentions, followed by silence on her end.

You direct your eyes at a digital clock in the distance, noticing the time was a little past 9PM, which meant no minutes were being wasted.

“Sure, why not…” You respond, guessing this opportunity was unprecedented to simply dismiss.

For the next 30 minutes, you were asked a series of questions, mostly about your experience and qualities. In your efforts, you answer professionally while you slug against the dinning chair in exhaustion. Your hand became cramped as you gripped the flip phone to your ear. Every time you glimpse back to the vase of roses, you notice several petals shed from the roses. With one rose petal, you twindle it between your fingers as you speak to the woman over the phone.

“I’m impressed with you, I really think you would be a great addition to our team. I’d like to offer a full time position, with a Monday through Friday schedule. Instead of hourly, you will be paid a salary with benefits. If you need help with moving, we can pay your first few months of rent wherever you decide to move in Austin. How does that sound?” The lady expresses, seemingly to be entirely impressed with you.

For a moment, you were hesitant as the offer seemed too good to be true. “When can I start?” You then ask, feeling the sweat in your palm as you grip the phone to your ear.

“Since you said you’re out living in Nebraska, I can give you a month… March 14th on a Monday, and we will run a background check and proof that you can work in the US. Nothing major, it’s usually quick. For any certifications you need, we will pay for them…” The woman explains, her voice cheery with every word.

By the end of her explanation, your body involuntarily begins to shake. Several thoughts coursed in your mind yet the most prominent thought was obvious… you were finally returning home.

“I look forward to starting,” You respond, matching her voice of enthusiasm.

“That is great to hear… Well, I will let you enjoy the rest of your night. Please call this number again if you have any questions or updates,” She infers.

“Thank you, have a great night!” You add before clamping the flip phone shut, ending the call.

In that moment, your body slumps in the chair while a long exhale of breath escapes your mouth. Every part of your body was jittery to the point it was difficult to contain despite the laborious deep breaths exercises and your hands crossing to squeeze your upper arms. No doubt, the ticket home seemed to magically appear on your lap. Maybe the universe had finally answered your prayer, and within a month you would travel back home.

Tears formed, your eyes evidently becoming glossy while you were seated slumped on the dining room chair. With tears flowing down your face, a part of you felt ridiculous for becoming this emotional.

The front door knob jiggle, the sound of keys from the other side of the door interrupting your mini crying session. Once the door opens, you whip your body to direct your attention to Mateo standing there in the entrance. The evidence of crying was still conspicuous as your cheeks were entirely wet and your eyes were puffy.

“Ah shit, did I come home at a bad time?” Mateo mutters, cautiously setting his black bag on the floor by the entrance after he shuts and locks the front door.

“No, you little jackass. I just got a job offer back home… I start in a month,” You respond in a sincere tone, cracking a subtle smile to Mateo.

Mateo appeared taken back, now walking into a plethora of confounding information. With a few steps into the dinning room, he sits beside you at the dining table. He notices the vase of roses placed on the center of the table yet does not comment on them for now.

“Are you moving because of me?” Mateo questions, a pout forming on his face. He was honestly a child at times.

“Huh? No, absolutely not because of you… I just think I have overstayed here in Nebraska, and need to return home so I can be near family,” You explain, your tone heartfelt as you glance at Mateo with a grin.

Mateo deeply exhales, his brown eyes narrowing at the sight of you, “I guess I'll allow you to leave… on the condition you visit,” He expresses smugly.

A soft chuckle emits from your mouth, nodding in agreement to his prerequisite,” Deal…But I plan on moving out in three weeks. Tomorrow, I am putting in my two weeks resignation letter. Some of my clients are not going to be happy.”

To your verdict, Mateo expresses a solemn smile before his hand points to the roses you arranged in the vase earlier,” So… who bought you these?” He asks with an eyebrow raised.

“I’ll let you guess, but the answer is obvious,” You respond bluntly.

“Leon?” He answers immediately with his lips curved in a grin.

“Mhmm..” You hum, scratching the side of your hair with a finger. “He arrived at session with them, and pretty much shoved them in my arms. Never been so caught off guard,” You then comment.

With a sudden snap of your fingers, you jolt up to stand before scurrying across the room to your bag, “Oh shit, I almost forgot, he also gave me a card. I haven’t opened it yet.” Within a moment, your hand digs inside your beg to then reveal a red envelope once you pull it out. By holding the red envelope in hand, you return to seat yourself at the dining room table beside Mateo, ripping the side of the envelope with your hand. A blank expression instantly appears on your face once you slide out the Valentine’s card. By opening it, you notice a gift card and Leon’s writing inside the card, “Mateo… He gave me a gift card to Chili's… Dude, look what this says…’To the spiciest therapist I know’... What the fuck does that mean?!” You glance at Mateo, biting your lip from amusement and disturbance simultaneously.

Mateo only burst out laughing, snatching the card from your hand to read Leon’s writing closely, “Damn girl, what you be doing to him during your sessions, huh?” Mateo questions you in an accusatory tone with a hint of humor behind it.

“Absolutely nothing… Goodnight!” You huff, snatching the card from his grasp back into your possession before stomping off to your bedroom.

By next morning, you were able to have written a two weeks notice letter explaining your resignation with a clear date that you would be concluding your tenure with USSTRATCOM as a therapist officially on Tuesday, March 1st. The following days were heart-wrenching, revealing to clients that you would be concluding your position as their therapist and only a few sessions with them remained. Several clients congratulated your new position while others simply were in denial of your departure, or expressed their grief to you.

Friday eventually arrived with the anticipation of preparing the last client with the news of your resignation. Instead of being seated at your desk, you waited patiently for the arrival of Leon on one of the two chairs that you would usually sit during the session. Every minute that passed, you contemplated on how to deliver that in a few weeks, you would no longer be his therapist. Last Monday, he gifted flowers and a gift card to you, clearly there was a modicum of admiration from him. Would he congratulate the advancement in your career or distress over your inevitable departure like other clients? You could not rationalize with yourself on why you were nervous to tell him.

Right at 5PM, you heard the knock on the door of your office. Leon was always on time for his sessions when he was not sent away on missions. For his division, you still did not know the kind of work he did but only that he was revered as a top dog in his position.

Upon hearing his steps, your eyes instantly gravitate to his ocean eyes piercing back at you as he treads further inside the office. Leon seats himself on the chair across from you, an obvious grin plastered on his face. No words were exchanged, but your thoughts spiraled,’Shit, should I tell him now?’ Your thoughts debated but you shook your head on the notion.

“Leon, how has it been these past few days?” You then ask, mustering a soft smile on your lips.

“Great, since I knew I’ll be seeing you today,”Leon smooths, leaning comfortably back into his chair.

Your lips falter, steering to not encourage this behavior from your client. “Leon, how many times have I repeated to you to respect the boundaries between us?” You remind him, followed by a soft sigh. This was his mindless flirting that recently sprung up in sessions.

“Too many times, miss. I apologize,” Leon chuckles, averting his eyes to the side at the floor. Ultimately, those icy eyes return their gaze to you even though his face was directed away. “So Miss, how were those roses I gave you last time?” He questions you, his eyebrow quirks as he awaits your answer.

“They were nice, I was able to place them in a vase. Thank you… But understand that as a therapist, I could lose my license for accepting gifts, okay?” You remark, your tone firm with blank expression.

His tongue clicks along with a small nod, “Oh no, I can’t have that happen. I- We need you here…” Leon mentions, his gaze studying your face.

As you examine the features of his face while he spoke, you realize how exhaustive his features appeared. Before he could utter another word regarding gifts, you interfere,”Hey, how are you sleeping as of late these past few nights?”

In that moment, his grin deflates in an almost surprised expression. Leon adjusted his throat, shifting in the chair.“I’m experiencing nightmares…” Leon admits, blushes blooming on his cheeks.

You expected him to retort with humor or downplay his exhaustion. But Leon was actually opening himself to you about his nightmares. This was an opportunity too good to let pass by. By extending your arm to your desk, your hand grabs a notebook and pen. Every detail that he verbalizes, you need written down.

With your pen awaiting on the lines on the paper, your eyes return to his face, the bleak blue in his eyes not as bright as they usually are. “Describe what you remember from your dreams, Leon.”

“Burning bodies, blood caked on my skin that did not belong to me, and things I can’t even explain…” He shifts in his seat again, his voice feeble.

His narrative could not paint a picture for you, the few details not being enough, but only suggested he endured an incident so horrifying. On paper, your pen scribbled down the only two details he described: burning bodies and blood on skin.

“Leon, can you recall an incident you might have seen or experienced?” You ask, bringing the top of the pen to your lips.

After a moment, his head shook,” No ma’am, I simply have watched Dawn of the Dead too many times,” He chuckled, seemingly forcing a smirk.

If you could roll your eyes at this moment, you would. An internal scream echoed in your head, and you nearly wanted to slap your forehead with the notebook in your hand. When he finally opens up about something regarding his trauma, he fucking does this bullshit… again.

Instead of proceeding in your usual passive tone, you adjust your voice to become stern,”Leon, do you honestly need this service?”

He was clearly offended at the change in tone in your voice, his eyes narrowing at you. An expression you never expected to witness him guise, yet you kept your composure. “Yes, I do,” He merely responded, his voice consisting of no humor.

“Then please help me, help you. These past few months you have progressed, but you would honestly be further in your treatment if you allow yourself to open up. I’m not expecting you to explain everything in one session, but understand if you were a bit more cooperative, I can guide you more efficiently through your trauma. I’m not a therapist that wants you to be in therapy forever…” You breathe out along with a huff.

The words seem to echo into the room as the room falls into silence, Leon just sitting there with no words to exchange. Nonetheless, every word spoken from your lips was valid. But on the back of your mind, time was inching closer for you to reveal the news.

“You’re not getting rid of me that easily, miss. I know I’m your favorite client,” Leon retorts, that same smug expression on his face.

This session was going nowhere, 30 minutes somehow wasted. Time was working against you, so it would be easier to rip the band aid off the wound, right?

“There was never a competition between my clients in the first place. I regard and care for all my clients equally, Leon,” You retort, directly staring at his eyes. “Also…” Your voice proceeds along with an adjustment in your throat. At this point, it can not be helped, he deserved to know. “Uh, to simplify it… in a few weeks I will no longer be working with USSTRATCOM, I’m moving back to Texas. But don’t worry, I already notified the next therapist on your case on your goals and what we worked on.”

The heart in your chest was beating, feeling anxiety ridden, but nonetheless you revealed the big announcement. Then that same tense quiet air settled into the office once more, Leon had a blank stare directed at your face. Those eyes of his blinked several times before he mustered a warm smile. “That’s very sudden news, but congratulations,” He breathed, his fist clenching on his thighs.

While an exhale of air escapes your nose, the ache in your chest seems to ease away. This time, you permit yourself to smile in response to the commendation from Leon. “I really appreciate the congratulations from you… But we will still conduct session the same until I leave. So tell me…what is an incident that may be a considerable source that prompts your nightmares, Leon?”

“Wait-” He utters, tilting his head as his mouth tries to form words. “Can you at least explain why you’re leaving? I know three months is not a long time, but I have made so much progress with you…”

His voice betrays him, nearly breaking yet Leon sustains a smile on his face. Subtle taps on the floor peak your attention, your eyes glancing down to notice his foot tapping on the floor.

“Sure, I can explain… Um, I have close family in Texas, and my next job allows me to be closer to them,” You answer simply, keeping your voice calm.

You see Leon nod in his head in acceptance as he glances down to his hands resting on his lap. “I see… just… you don’t seem like a Texas gal..” He chuckles, bringing his gaze back to you.

A laugh emits from your mouth, not expecting Leon to return to his whits suddenly. “If you expected me to wear a big cowboy hat and speak with a twang, I might just punch you,” You suggest with an empty threat, raising a fist in his direction while your other hand holds the notebook to your lap.

Leon lets out a fake gasp while appearing offended. “Hmm, sounds like someone is in need of anger management.”

“Oh, you think you’re funny, huh?” You retort, pursing your lips at his remark.

“I think? Oh, honey, I am funny…”

‘Honey?’ This little endearing nickname riled your core, perceiving it as condescending, nonetheless you opt to let this slide. With a small sigh, your eyes peer to the clock on the wall, silently thanking the universe that only 5 minutes of the session remained.

“Alright comedian…” You speak, leaning over the armrest of the chair to grab the clipboard from your desk, “It’s that time you give your signature, and that will be all for today’s session.”

Leon chuckled once you extended the clipboard to him before he wrote his grand signature: ‘Leon Kennedy’ on the signature line. He extended it back to you, except his expression appeared solemn.

“So you really are leaving Nebraska? Quitting USSTRATCOM to move back to Texas?” He inquires, no hint of humor in his voice.

Your head nods, only responding with a hum in agreement.

“Well I’m happy for you… I will see you next week,” He expresses, giving a brief smile before he leaves the office.

“Bye Leon!” You call out, proceeding to shut and lock the office door after he leaves.

An exasperated groan iterates into the empty room, letting out that strenuous hold of breath out your chest. While the complicated part of informing all the clients was settled, now the actual moving process was the next course of action. At that moment, you reluctantly retreat to your desk, knowing that the legal documents, session notes, and insurance signature sheets need to be submitted to your supervisor before you can leave for home. It was Friday, all you wanted to do was drink to your heart's content, play video games, and pass out on the couch. Typical Friday night shit.

In time, all necessary documents were submitted to your supervisor. The familiar brunt whirl of flurries stung the skin of your cheeks once you step outside the building, being welcomed into the dark parking lot. Every step along the parking lot was careful while you walked towards your car, seeing the red among the white.

Even inside the car, your body shivered, desperate to warm up. The inconvenience of the winter night sky entirely made it difficult to see in your car, but you were able to insert the car key into the ignition. With anticipation for warm air, your wrist turns the key forward.

Kkkkkkk.

The sound of the car struggling to start only furrowed your eyebrows in response.

Naturally, you turn the key one more time. Two times. Three times. With a disgruntled groan, you continue to turn the key, your foot persistently pressing the gas pedal.

“No no no no. Baby don’t do this to me now!”

With every desperate turn of the key, the car only responded with jerks before dying completely. Hot visible breaths huffed from your mouth, that bitter cold was already piercing through the fabric of your clothes. Your hand pulls out the key from the ignition and your foot ceases from stepping on the gas pedal. That sense of anxiety crept into your chest once more at the awareness you were oblivious to the malfunction in your car.

Your hand decides to reach down to pull down a small lever, hearing the familiar pop of the hood. While hesitant, you then retrieve your flashlight from the middle console before returning to the brunt winter weather as you exit the driver’s seat. Once the hood is propped up on the stand, you click the flashlight to instantly illuminate the engine under the hood. The problem was then apparent, the light revealing ripped spark plunges that were supposed to be connected to the engine.

“Oh, what the fuck…” The words seem to let out, unsure how this happened to your car.

Crunches of ice behind you alleviated you from deep thought, prompting you to immediately whirl your body to the source of sound. Light from the flashlight directs to a broad figure, startling you to where you nearly scream. Your hand points the flashlight up and you recognize the familiar sandy blonde hair.

“Leon?” You mutter into the air, your eyes widening at his sudden appearance. “What are you doing here?” You then ask, pointing the flashlight down from his face out of courtesy.

“I heard a car struggling to start, so I thought I would check it out…” He responds, proceeding to walk to the open hood of your car. Leon glances down to the flashlight in your hand, gesturing you to hand it to him. “Here,” You whisper, extending the flashlight to him. While he holds the flashlight, he directs it down to the engine, “Damn, your spark plugs are damaged,” He remarks, his demeanor confirming your earlier speculation.

“They were recently replaced, this shouldn’t have happened,” You retort, your tone obviously confused.

“Well they look like they've been bitten… Maybe a small animal searching for warmth crawled inside and decided to chew them out,” Leon suggested, returning his attention to you.

Leon’s revelation was plausible but when you return your glance to the spark plugs, the damage appeared like a clean cut as if they were physically cut by something. Regardless of how they were damaged, your current situation ensured that you were stranded in the parking lot of your job. The road conditions were horrible, piled with snow, and you honestly did not know how long a tow truck would get there.

While you contemplate your options, you hear Leon adjust his throat. “If you like, I could drive you home. It’s cold and dark now, there’s not much you can do," he suggests.

Spark plugs were easy to install, but to travel to a nearby auto shop was complicated enough in this weather. Your head immediately shook at his offer, shifting your attention to his face. “Thanks for the offer, Leon, but I have to decline. I’m still your t-“

“Therapist. I know. Miss, it is dark and freezing. A tow truck would take an hour… I can’t leave you out here,” Leon interjects, his tone stern to prove a point. “Come on, let me take you home. It wouldn’t be an issue for me at all,” He continues, proceeding to let down the hood of your car.

Deep down, you knew his proposal would violate ethical codes as a therapist, but his persistence swayed your verdict. Your body was visibly shaking while you stood there, glancing around the parking lot to ensure no one was watching. “Fine, but straight to my house, Leon.” You sternly express, going to quickly retrieve your purse before returning to his side.

You hear chuckles from Leon while you follow him to a black SUV, obviously a government vehicle. “Perks of being an agent,” Leon mentions, his voice laced with humor. It honestly seemed he was enjoying this.

By sitting in the passenger seat, you experience the loving warmth of heat from the vents once Leon turns on the car. A pang of guilt coursed at the realization you were leaving your car behind at the parking lot. “So you drive a Nissan Z? Didn’t think you’re into cars like that, especially with turbo,” Leon strikes a conversation, driving off the premises of the USSTRATCOM parking lot.

“Ah, it was a parting gift from my dad. She is practically a family member…” You say, blushing a bit.

“There’s no shame in that, it’s actually interesting you’re into cars. But I could definitely swing by in the morning and I could personally switch out the spark plugs,” Leon offers, shifting his attention to you in the passenger seat.

“If replacing the spark plugs is no hassle, then I am okay with it…”

Leon grins, ecstatic that you conceded to his assistance instead of blatantly rejecting his offer. For a moment, he remained quiet as he drove on the snowy desolate streets before eventually realizing he did not know your address. “Ah shit, I got ahead of myself. Tell me where to drive from here to get to your home,” Leon nervously chuckles.

In response, you nod with an assuring smile, ”That’s fine…”

Other than Leon’s rock music playing on the stereo, the car ride became quiet as the exchange of words died down. The moments you only spoke were when you provided directions to your house. Soon the sight of the familiar Victorian house was in view, although you notice a line of cars parked in the driveway and street, along with an absurd amount of people hanging around the house. Once Leon gradually slowed infront of the house, he turned his head to you sitting in the passenger seat.

“This is your house?” He asks, turning down the volume of his rock music.

A sheepish smile appeared on your lips, nodding to Leon,”Yeah, I guess my roommate decided to throw a party.”

Leon returns his attention to the amount of men chilling on the front porch, drinking beers or smoking cigarettes despite the freezing air. You see Leon narrow his eyes at the scene yet smirks when he glances back to you. “Looks fun… but I will see you in the morning, right? Is 9AM alright?”

Your head nods frantically, presenting a pleased smile on your lips,”Uhh, yeah. It sounds good,” You reply, somehow almost forgetting about your car stranded at the parking lot of your job. At that moment, you open the passenger car door before slipping onto the pavement of the road. “See you tomorrow, Leon! And thank you for taking me home…”

Leon seemed content, before waving off to you, "I’ll see you tomorrow. Have a good night,” He responds. Once you shut the passenger door, he drives off, leaving you to watch him as you stand there in the middle of the road. A nagging intuition provoked an uneasiness into your body regarding this night. Nonetheless, you decided to ignore your paranoia since there is a party that required your attendance because even God knew you deserved it after this whole week.

#leon kennedy #re4 leon #resident evil #leon kennedy x reader #resident evil 4 remake #leon x fem reader #yandere!leon x reader #yandere!leon kennedy #female reader #within session

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valleynix · 1 year

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OMG OMG OMG, DUDE YOURE STORY IS LITERALLY SO GOod like the way you write each character has me swooning and exactly how I picture them. Bela’s HBIC attitude but secretly sweet, Cassandra’s reluctance to show she cares, but you know she does from the little things, Daniela is so f*cking perfect ahhhh. I’m not lying when I say I kick my feet in the air with the little fluff sprinkled in. I don’t even care if there is plot anymore I JUST WANT MORE CUTE SHIT PLEASE.

AND you brought me to TEARS with that reveal. Ain’t no way reader is gonna come in and slaughter my babies. Like I was genuinely upset (not surprising tho I tear up killing them in the game. Like I’m at the 4 hour mark and still avoiding the Library and Armory LMAO) but no please don’t make this a angsty ending I’m begging let my babies be happy pleassseeeee.

I actually am not able to read a triple Dimitrescu gang bang (LMAO WhAT???) with out the proper characterization, or at least how I picture them. AND YOUVE NAILED IT SHEEEEESSSHHHH. Cassandra has me squealing the most tho, she’s so precious even tho she’s trying to be a mean >:( ( I’m on chapter 10 so I’m not caught up but this ^^^^^^ is what I think so far lolz.

Sorry this is all over the place but I’m an absolute slut for Bela, Cass, and Dani, like I know Dommy Mommy is there too but like I’m here for the fruit flies. They’re my favorite and it’s hard to find good fics with them and I love yours sm.

SIDE NOTE HAVE YOU LISTENED TO “Don’t Save Me” by Chxrlotte. Bestie when I say this is readers song, I mean PLEASE LISTEN TO IT AND READ THE LYRICS WHILE YOU DO. TELL ME ITS NOT THEIR SONG. EVERY TIME I LISTEN TO IT I THINK OF YOUR FIC PLEASE LISTEN.

Anyways love ya, you’re awesome 🫡🫡🫡

THE WAY THIS JUST MADE MY ENTIRE NIGHT PLEASE SDKJFHSDKJFHSD HOLY SHIT <3333333

i definitely do not recommend reading very far on this blog until you get caught up 😭 there are a lot of spoilers from other chapters that i'm sure you'd want to read firsthand <3

BUT HHHHH THIS MAKES ME SO HAPPY, i see the Dimitrescus getting mischaracterized SO often and it upsets me so much :( like they're so much more and so much DEEPER than what a lot of people assume, and i've tried my best to portray that in this story to the best of my ability. it makes me so glad to see it's being received well 😭😭😭

i don't plan on a completely angsty ending!! i couldn't bear to leave them with unhappy thoughts or anything, even if i might joke about it 😭 i can guarantee things might get more convoluted from here on out (especially with Lunatic's (the copy's) attitude and all), but i am here if you have any questions!!! i love helping y'all understand as well as i can :D

Alcina is definitely still there, and she has her moments, but i've been a bit... biased?? with the fruit flies??? i adore them to pieces and they've been getting WAY better treatment 😭 i've also been trying really hard not to make anything between them gross or even with their bits of jealousy, trying not to make it weird?? despite all of them sharing someone??? which really isn't hard to do and i wonder why some people cough struggle with that 😭😭

ANYWAYS I HAVE NOT LISTENED TO THAT BUT I 100% WILL!!!! i'm about to go lay down (sleepy after work) and i will absolutely analyze this song while i rest. i love when y'all recommend songs RRRRR IT MAKES ME SO HAPPY

okay anyway enough rambling KSJDFHS my eyes hurt. i'm so glad you're enjoying the fic so far and i hope it'll only get better (though perhaps more confusing) as you read further <333333 HAVE A LOVELY EVENING OR DAY OR WHICHEVER IT IS FOR YOU!!! <333333

#asks #i was worried for like a split second but im so glad i read this all the way through #literal night made #im so happy rn i cannot #gonna go squeal into my pillow brb

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howlingday · 4 years

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About Jaune ships...

I have opinions. You may not agree, but they are mine. They may change in time, but not now.

LANCASTER ( RUBY X JAUNE )

The old tried and true. I mean, what's not to like? Cute girl falls for first guy she meets at Beacon? Classic romance trope, and after reading how much Ruby loves romance stories (I consider certain parts in the manga canon), it makes sense. In fact, after Arkos sank (A moment of silence, please . . . Thank you), many moved to Lancaster, which isn't bad. Happens all the time in fandoms. Sad thing, though, is far I think she'll last. If we're talking Volume 5 or earlier, then maybe. However, I feel if Ruby were to have an endgame in romance, it would be RoseGarden (I have opinions on that as well, but today isn't the day to discuss that), mostly because Oscar bumped Jaune's role from male lead to male side. Not to mention that while Jaune is becoming a beast in his own right, Ruby is a different creature altogether and evolving her character more rapidly and chaotically than anyone else (Must be all that screentime).

TLDR: I want it to be canon, but I might just be hoping.

WHITE KNIGHT ( WEISS X JAUNE)

Doofus in tin foil meets princess who hates daddy (Am I in the romance section of the library? You know, the corner for adults only?) No, but I do like this ship. I'm always a sucker for the fantasy genre, and using a zero to hero male makes it relatable. I also kind of ship it because the same reason I ship NaruSaku in the Naruto fandom: he likes her and he's willing to go the distance. But enough about that; instead let's talk about canon. Will they hook up? It's a soft maybe for me, for two reasons. 1. Rosegarden is most likely to be endgame, and after Ruby and Pyrrha, I'd say Weiss is Jaune's next to be his love interest. 2. Weiss has warmed up to Jaune. Sure, not lover or crush level (Yet), but she's definitely changed her opinion on him. In Volume 1, Jaune was bugging her, like all the time, which I could see as him getting mixed signals on (Exhibit A: Tall, blonde, and scraggly). When Volume 5 came around, everyone jumped onboard because he saved her life (Don't lie, because I'll admit that I did it, too). Not the best reason, but still reason enough, I'd say. Then in Volume 7, she hangs out with him and Oscar to the movies (It was either that or awkward Bumbleby all night. I feel ya, sister). Nothing romantic happens, but it does show how much their relationship has developed. If Weiss is Jaune's endgame, then they have set the pieces up perfectly to do so.

TLDR: High likelihood to be canon and I'm a sucker for Knight/Princess ships.

KNIGHTSHADE ( BLAKE X JAUNE)

This is the part where I say definitely not. Not in a million years, but I'll explain why I like the ship, though. As for why it won't work, the answer is Bumbleby. They haven't kissed yet, but you know they're going to eventually (Because if they don't, the fans will attack like a swarm of hornets). But here's the question you might be asking now: why do I ship this? Well, it's part of the allure of "opposites attract" ('Cause I'm dressed like a cat!). Blake is an intelligent, outspoken, and agile ninja with a criminal history of terrorism who spends her free time reading novels. Jaune is a B at best on his tests, soft-hearted, and ground-based knight who's worst crime is fraud (Still a crime, but peanuts compared to literal terrorism) and spends his free time hanging out with his team. Day and night. But they also tried that with Sun for a season and a half and it didn't last (BECAUSE BEES).

TLDR: Not even a snowball's chance in the summer sun, but so much story potential if you do (Which I do)!

DRAGONSLAYER ( YANG X JAUNE )

This, I would say, is the opposite of Knightshade, where Jaune is the day and Blake is night, here Yang is the Sun and Jaune is the Moon (Like their crests! Remember those? Y'know, when they were relevant?) Will it work? Even less so than Knightshade. However, it does open up some interesting paths considering how... provocative Yang can be, and Jaune, compared to the other guys, is the nerdiest, geekiest dude at Beacon. It's like the cheerleader/nerd romance, except the cheerleader is the captain of every sports team... and rides a motorcycle. The Volume 8 preview introduced us to Yang and Jaune riding motorcycles and we went nuts over it. Yang was back in her element, roaring down the street, riding on walls, popping off tricks with Oscar riding- Back to what I was saying, people were asking, "How did he know how to ride a motorcycle?" and the elementary answer is "He didn't." He almost fell off his bike from a small box in the road. True, anyone would, but look at how he reacts: he stiffens, he refocuses on the road. This kid literally started riding at breakfast, and I DARE you to prove me wrong. But hey, great fic material right there, though, eh?

TLDR: Never gonna happen, but I don't care. All I care about is writing that they love each other. And they also fu-!

ARKOS ( PYRRHA X JAUNE )

I'm sorry, I need a moment. . . . Alright. Do it for her. This ship... was perfect. Probably the best ship out them all. I legit almost cry every time I think about Volume 3. Pyrrha was everyone's favorite. Her background, her interactions, her choreography, everything! But, of course, like everything in our lives, she was too good to be true. But let's honor her memory by talking about her ship, Arkos. Pyrrha was the champion of the world, the Brothers' and Oums' gift to Remnant. She could do no wrong and she HATED it. Her plight was with how she was seen. Everybody knew her! Everybody, except Jaune. And he only figured out she was "a big deal" was because Weiss had to spell it out for him! As time went on, they became the best of friends, two peas in a pod, the perfect odd couple! They worked together and trusted each other, they cared for and supported each other, they lo- No. No, I can't say it. It's been years, and it still hurts. So, I'll explain something else: the reason why Jaune SHOULD NOT be shipped right now. That reason is Pyrrha. Jaune was helpless to save her. He's suffering from survivor's guilt and he's still grieving. In Volume 4, he would sneak away and train until late at night to scroll recording of her. In Volume 5, he confronted Cinder and got Weiss almost killed because he let his grief for Pyrrha take control of him and let his emotions run wild. In Volume 6, he finds the Pyrrha statue and he... I don't know how to say this, but he let's go. He accepts that Pyrrha is gone and he's starting the healing process. He's finally ready to move forward.

TLDR: T.T I never felt that it was wise to wish too much~

MARTIAL ARCS ( REN X JAUNE)

I'll be honest, I don't really ship it. Yeah, it's cute, and it falls perfectly into the "if I had to pick a guy" part of me, but to be honest, I don't ship it. 10% because Renora and 90% it just doesn't click with me. They both just seem too soft, too quiet, too introverted. Best friends? Yes, definitely! But lovers? Eeeeeh, not really.

TLDR: I will only ship as neccessary.

NORA'S ARC ( NORA X JAUNE )

I've only just got in this deep with the fandom only recently, so I don't know if a lot of you know me. Heck, I'm probably just some RWBY fan you happen to spot as you move through your dash. However, old or new, I want to be made absolutely positively clear on this. Of all the ships here, this has got to be my-

O T FUDGIN' P

Wow! Never thought I'd feel so strongly about a crack ship like this. And yes, as sad it is to say, this is a crack ship. Renora was planned from day one, so it can't be helped. At least it didn't blast me in the face all of the sudden (OH NO, NOT THE BEES! AAAAARGH! THEY'RE IN MY EYES!). But why this ship? Well, for one thing, it's that whole opposites attract thing with Nora as the bubbly, outspoken, airhead powerhouse and Jaune as the soft spoken, introverted, nerd tactician. But wait, there's more to this trope, because it can go deeper: Order VS Chaos! Who makes all the messes? Who cleans up those messes? Who follows all the rules? Who makes their own doors? It's just. So. Damn! GOOD! One sad thing about this ship though is that it's not only not canon because of Renora, it's anti-canon because Renora. Every fan fic of Nora's Arc requires an explanation for Ren and Nora to not be together-together, like you have to write a formal apology to the FNDM for liking something that's different from what is canon or commonly accepted. If that's the case, then I'll be the anarchist here!

TLDR: I LOVE IT! What's that? Not canon? Who gives a damn?! I just explained why Jaune won't be shipped anyways! Now, if you'll excuse, I have some fan fics to find.

ARCFALL ( CINDER X JAUNE )

Oh, here it goes! Now, if we're talking ships that'll never happen, this is where we find better reasons than "it's not canon" and "character development". No, this... This is a declaration of war. Allow me to explain. Cinder Fall is evil. Like, down to her core. She wants power and she'll cut through anyone to get to it. Including Pyrrha. This woman sank Arkos by means other than "X and Y kissed, so..." She killed X, leaving Y alone. And her interactions with Jaune tell me she wouldn't even be worth a hate-bang. But, as Momma always, there's a thin line between love and hate. This is where the appeal comes in. Cinder is evil with no past, which leaves the previous chapter's of her life story blank to be filled in. Jaune is good with a troublesome, albeit easy past, but untapped potential for more. It's another opposites attract, but different from INTRO VS EXTRO and CHAOS VS ORDER; this is GOOD VS EVIL. Who will win this battle of wills; will our hero purify the tainted heart, or will he slip deeper into darkness, never to return to the light?

TLDR: Should be a NOTP, and yet the allure pulls me in.

What do y'all think? Do you agree? Let me know!

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acti-veg · 4 years

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Pessimist Part 1 I guess. Y'know, a few years ago, I was happy. Finding tumblr, a progressive social media site? Going Vegan and using the vegan calculator every year to see what I've done, who I've saved? Waking up to different posts/studies by the United Nations and IPCC supporting it? It was like walking through a haze of doom and despair only for a golden bar to appear, to hoist myself up and look to a brighter horizon.

Pessimist 2. Unfortunately however, discovering the venomous hatred of veganism on this platform, and having people call those who share these sources Liars/Cultists, and straight up Dismissing posts like the one you reblogged about the United Nations stating Veganism can save the world, and realizing that much of this progressive language on this site is Performative at best?

Pessismist 3. It was like straddling that bar, slipping, banging my nether regions on it, and falling straight back if not Deeper into the abyss. How? How tf do y'all do it? Am I the only one that feels like there is Absolutely No hope left because the majority of people? no matter their political affiliation are a bunch of self-centered, lazy, morons? The Answer is Right there? The way out of this climate change Nightmare with keys to even Better things. Is Right In Front Of You?

Pessimist 4. And you have people going "Nah that's absurd" ?? Saying we need to take on the 100 corporations??? With NO plan??? And outwardly mocking? Or Hating on People? For taking the safest, most logical path?? By just changing what you eat a couple times a day? Bro. I'm Mentally Exhausted. And I'm not even a Fucking Activist. How do you maintain your faith in humanity to do these things. when the majority of people on here are So, God Damn Stupid? Im not even angry, I am just Shocked?

Pessimist 5. I mean "Here is some science backed information that can prevent the world and quite literally, billions of men/beasts from dying in a broiler caused by ghg emissions" The average Tumblr Individual: I'm not going to do this because I feel like you're shaming me. Bro, Billions of lives will be lost? Sharing info is not guilt tripping? This is a literal matter of Life and Death, who cares? Are you all Out of your Fucking Minds? Im sorry dude. Ik you got kids following you, but like??

The thing to recognise is the enormous social pressure to conform, and the psychological impact of that pressure on people’s ability to perceive information in objective terms. Confirmation bias is the main reason that intelligent people are able to dismiss demonstrable facts as ‘vegan propoganda,’ while simultaneously believing these viral posts with 200k+ shares, filled with misinformation and without a single source. We take in the information which backs up our existing world-view and we discard the rest.

Historically, even with social justice movements who have ended up winning over majority opinion, before that massive shift, the majority of the population remained in denial. When public opinion suddenly switches, the majority change their minds and pretend that’s what they always thought. We all like to think we would have been on the right side of history, but most people weren’t until after the fact. Fortunately, it takes far fewer people to be convinced of a position on social justice in order to result in substantial change.

All throughout history, real change has come from an active, politically engaged minority. We don’t need to convince everyone, just a large enough minority to force social change, and how large that minority needs to be is often overestimated. Erica Chenoweth, a political scientist at Harvard, looked at hundreds of campaigns over the last century and found that it takes around 3.5% of the population actively participating in protests to spark radical political change. We are a long way from that with veganism, but we are growing at a rapid rate, despite how hopeless it can seem.

The problem we face with veganism is that the longer it takes for the public to wake up to the truth, the more animals die and the more our environment is destroyed. We just don’t have the luxury of time - I am hoping that with the likes of WHO, the UN FAO and The World Bank coming out in favour of a radical shift away from animal agriculture, it will get to a point where no reasonable person can deny it. Those who deny the truth about animal agriculture will at that point basically be akin to the fringe climate deniers we see today - not taken seriously by anyone with any sort of intellectual integrity.

#ask #vegan #long post

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praphit · 5 years

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Another Year, Another Recap - “Have a Coke and a smile... :)”

So, we're getting to the end, people. We're about to finish off another year. Personally, this year has been immensely better than the last.

I didn't even want to stay up and do any celebrating at the end of 2018. I just wanted to go to bed and be done with that bleepin year. This year has been a hell of a lot better. I hope that all of you can say something similar, but if not, there's always going to bed early, and putting your hope in the next year.

This past Christmas (and all Christmas', really) I spent time doing a lot of hating on Christmas music; it's a valued tradition of mine. I am, however, always surprised to find a few songs each year that don't bother me all that much. This year, one of them was John Legend's "Baby, It's cold outside" ft Kelly Clarkson

- a rewritten, sans rapey vibe rendition to boot its 1940's something predecessor.

In this version (at least how I interpret it), both people wanted some action that night. John says all of the right stuff ("I'll call you a car", "maybe you SHOULD go"), creating a safe environment, and most importantly, not coming off as sleazy and rapey. He's also protecting himself with this recording:) But, let's be clear... he wants some, and he wants it bad! While Kelly, also wants some, but doesn't want to come off as being a hoe. Nobody wants to be labeled a hoe. So, she says all of the right things as well ("My dad and brother are waiting for me", "I've gotta visit my sick grandma", "Gotta get home to the KIDS") But, at the end of the night, they both make a decision to sing to one another "Baby, It's cold outside, so let's stay in and BLEEP." That's how you do it! No guilt! No #METOO! No wife and kids around. All is well:) Divorces are still rising, and more older people (as well as old as bleep people) are on dating apps than ever before. Consider this song a Christmas gift from John & Kelly to you.

Sexiest man alive in 2019 btw

Congrats. Classic coming-up-out-of-the-water sexy.

There has been some good music in 2019. Good stuff happening. Also some sad and weird stuff happening in music - all things balance out, I suppose.

GOOD:

Lizzo

I am here for all things Lizzo.

SAD & WEIRD:

Maroon 5's Super Bowl performance. It wasn't even really M5's fault; they simply did what they always do. It was more a poor choice by the NFL. A boring and awkward performance. There was a time when all anybody wanted was a shirtless Adam Levine- both women AND men. Even times when he wasn't performing, he would show up places, some random person would announce to everyone "Don't worry, Adam WILL be taking off his shirt tonight." Talk about ME TOO. It was so bad that the old, white, slaveowners of the NFL hired Jay-Z (one of the blackest icons we have) to come and save them. We'll see how that turns out.

GOOD & WEIRD:

Tyler, The Creator - "IGOR"

One of my fav projects of the year. Tyler, the Creator is an odd dude - I mean this as a compliment. I love how Hip-Hop has evolved. There's a lot more room nowadays to be yourself, no matter how outsiders might deem your behavior as weird (sometimes, others NOT saying this as a compliment). I love his creativity, and hope he continues to inspire other artists (especially in hip-hop) to be creative. Heeeee also says stuff like this "I like girls, but I have sex with their brothers." But, also uses the word "gay" as an insult. Who knows?? There's a lot to unpack there.

SAD:

In other news, Camila Cabello might be a racist. Y'all can look it up if you'd like, but some posts of hers resurfaced. I'm a fan of hers, and checked out the posts for myself, thinking "People are prob just overreacting" - they're not, it's bad. She has apologized, saying the whole "I'm older and wiser now" thing. The prob with that is she's only 22.

GOOD & BAD, I GUESS:

ADELE

It's always good to see Adele out and about. These holiday pics show that's she's still alive (I get concerned, cuz she tends to disappear for a while) and apparently a lot thinner. This of course stirs men to say men type things, women to go on the attack, and all genuine compliments towards her to get lost. The good news is, Adele seems to be getting pretty chummy with Santa, and everyone knows that St. Nick is a heartbreaker. Adele should be spurned and back in the studio writing amazing tunes soon enough.

WEIRD:

Kanye

These pics say it all.

... that being said, I love his new music (which is how I stamp all of my conversations about Ye).

GOOD:

Billie Eilish!

Now (like many), one of my fav artists.

BAD:

She just turned 18, so of course, us men being ourselves again say things like "She's 18 now. You know what that means." Honestly, I'm still trying to figure out what that means. Nothing says crossing-over into womanhood quite like being objectified.

Speaking of 2019 pervs - R.KELLY!

We can throw MJ and... what the hell, I'll just throw Spacey in there as well (his documentary is coming soon enough, I'm sure).

We were all enthralled by these two docuseries. It's interesting how different races respond to MJ. Both see him as... you know, but most black people are still listening to his music. White people on the other hand are ready to riot every time someone plays one of his songs... except around Halloween - gotta have "Thriller".

We love depressing television.

There was "Chernobyl" as well as "When they see us"

Movies too -

"Joker"

I love this movie, but it's about a homicidal clown, struggling with mental illness.

"Us"

I love this movie, but it's about classism and marginalization.

"Endgame"

It's largely about grief.

It's the best movie of the year, as far as I'm concerned!

It should win all awards!

ALL OF THEM!

Best Horror

Best Comedy

Best Romance

Remember when he sent the message to his wife? Cute, right?

Personally, I think he and Nebula were banging in each other.

... I think that story is going to come out some day. C’mon... they were up in space, alone... they both thought they were going to die. She was like “OMG, I’ve always wanted to bang Robert Downey Jr.

He was like “I don’t blame you.”

But, afterwards, he was like

- you know? He felt all bad, because he’d never get to do that again (that was the last of his energy). Annnnd also because he cheated. Which led to that cute recording for his wife. SEE, it’s all connected!

Best actor in Josh Brolin (Thanos) - the range of emotions (satisfaction, terror, humility, revenge, arrogance, beatin ass, defeat) Leo and Brad Pitt ain't have to do all of that!

Best Actress... hmm.. idk about this one. Many say J.Lo deserves an Oscar for her performance in "Hustlers" - a movie made for strippers, by strippers.

Exotic dancers are making a comeback! Maybe one day, stripping will be going in the same direction marijuana is - just something people do. No more shame! You can actually make a decent living at it - ain't that right, Stormy?

And who can forget this J.Lo quote "This city, this whole country, is a strip club. You've got people tossing the money. and people doing the dance."

There have also been plenty of things in 2019 that I have not understood:

1) Hatin on Greta

Greta - trying hard to do what she believes will make this world a better place for us all.

Certain people - "Shut that bitch up! She's crazy!"

2) Hatin on Megan Rapinoe

MP - leading a soccer team to a World Cup victory, being outspoken for women's rights and gay rights, having awesome purple hair, and trying to be the best leader and athlete she can be.

Certain people - "Shut that bitch up! She's Crazy! Equal pay my ass!"

3) Popeyes Chicken Sandwich

- the gov't test for a new crack epidemic. Sadly, I never got to partake.

4) Allison Mack

- This whole story began being unveiled in 2018, but continued through this year. I still don’t understand how this story has not gotten more attention. Some of y’all don’t even know what I’m talking about.... google it, and be horrified.

5) BTS (and K-pop in general)

-I love them, but... our country's K-Pop fetish has gotten kinda out of hand. All kinds of artists are trying to share the spotlight with them. Next, we're going to see them team up with Kendrick Lamar.

6) TikTok - I just don't get it. What’s the difference?

7) Cancel Culture

To me all cancel culture is silenced by Trump being our president. Where was all of this righteous indignation when we voted him into office? You might say "I didn't vote for him." Yeah, but, WE did - Idk what that says about us, but it's prob not good.

It doesn't even really work - Louis CK is currently selling out venues for an unapologetic tour. I'm not even saying that it SHOULD work (in SOME cases). I'm simply saying that it doesn't work (in most cases). But, perhaps the fear of it working is enough. Or perhaps we should think through how we spend our anger.

BUT, enough of that! It's time to pass out this year's PRAPHIE AWARD!

Here are the noms:

Jordan Peele

Pedro the turtle

(no need for context, just know he’s awesome)

Baby Yoda

(btw - studies show that if you have access to "The Mandalorian" and you AREN'T watching it, you're an asshole. This is not ME talking, this is science)

Megan Rapinoe (who I’ve already mentioned)

Flying Elbow Guy (Again, this requires no context. It’s Flying Elbow Guy! There is a baseball player who’s name I can’t remember. He took on a whole team, and... you know what - that’s too much exposition. It’s Flying Elbow Guy!

Keanu Reeves

Annnnnnnd! It’s...

...

KEANU!

This year:

Of course JW, Toy Story 4, Cyberpunk 2077, “Always be my Maybe”, plus we found out that he’s down for The Matrix 4, John Wick 4, and Bill & Ted. CRAZY!

Also my BAMF of the year (see previous post)!

We love Keanu Reeves so much, that he's allowed to murder as many people as he wants (as John Wick).

We'll get mad if an actor who's not handicapped is playing someone who is, we'll get mad about whitewashing (as we should), we'll get mad if things are too sexualized, we GOT MAD at "Joker" for predicted violence. But, Keanu can murder all he wants:)

(See the scene above? - that was a McDonald’s before he showed up)

He found love as well. Women are loving that he chose someone closer to his age. Honestly, Idk why it matters. I'd still love this man, even if he were dating 22 year old, racist ass Camila Cabello.

But, he's viewed by some as the perfect man. I disagree. I don’t think that he’s merely the perfect man, but the perfect human.

His career and popularity paths are unique. No one would call him a... GOOD actor, but look at him! And he seems like a genuinely, awesomely, good person. And whatever "good person" means to you, he's at the top! We should all (men and women) be a lil more like Keanu in 2020.

Let's all be as lovable as we can, so we may all get away with as much as we can:)

With each new year, I challenge myself with a slogan to live by. In 2020, it's going to be this -

From Eddie Murphy’s “Raw”- Richard Pryor’s advice to Eddie, concerning Bill Cosby

Telling certain people in my way "To have a Coke and a smile, and shut the bleep up." Sometimes, I might need to be the one to do this, rather than say it - we'll see.

Here was the runner-up slogan (his response)

Magical.

Happy New Year, Everyone! Enjoy yourselves. Be less of an asshole. And be safe... enough to at least make it TO 2020.

Much love!

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jodiwalker · 7 years

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A Bachelorette Recap: Rachel Is the Queen and We Are the Sorry People

"Let me tell you something. I'm not here to be played. I'm not here to be made a joke of … So I'm really going to need you to get the fuck out." – Rachel Lindsay of the House Bachelorette, First of Her Name, the Un-to-be-trifled-with, Queen of the Fuckbois, Ruler of the Mansion that Venereal Diseases Built, Breaker of Bullshit, and Mother of Reads

Can you all hear Rachel's perfect Texas drawl in your head as keenly as I can while reading the quote of the century? Has any Bachelorette ever held. that. shit. down. as deftly as this one? No. Because this isn't any Bachelorette. This is the Rachelorette 2K17 and if you are not a man who is ready to hold it down just as tight…than she is going to need you to get the fuck out.

I did not expect myself to be very interested in this DeMario storyline. I liked DeMario and his hollering out of wedding plus-ones in the premiere; so I wasn't rooting for him to be the creep [ed. note: hey, stay tuned on that creep front, 'cuz it's a big ol' YIKES] with a girlfriend. Plus, his girlfriend seemed a little too eager to be delivering her gotcha-moment on national television, and a little too unabashed about wearing a stone-cold waffle-weave scrunchie on her wrist while doing it...

But who cares about DeMario and how many man-rompers he left over at Lexi's house — this storyline is all about Rachel and how she managed to take the drama-covered receipts from Lexi, the slimy "new phone, who dis" excuses from DeMario, run them through her logic-o-meter (a brain, as it's called outside of this franchise), and calmly inform these people that she has 25 boyfriends, a dog who can currently only use three of his legs for unknown reasons, and a rented house in what appears to be an upper middle class retirement community to take care of...so she doesn't really have time to be running on some bullshit.

As Rachel has stated multiple times throughout her three-episode tenure, she keeps it 100. And if any of these knuckleheads keeps it any less than 100, then they better have a background in computer sciences to make their own sub-100 emoji, and some fresh New Balances to — let’s haveRachel reiterate this one last time — GTFO of here.

Never could I have imagined what it would be like to have a Bachelorette so fully in command of her own experience. Rachel doesn’t accept excuses from anyone, including herself. She seems completely aware of the Hellmouth she has willingly entered herself into, and the only way to make that Hellmouth work for her is to take it seriously and flush out one of these vampires to marry. [Ed. note: Is this metaphor falling apart? Who's Angel? Who's Spike?! Obviously Dean is Willow and, yes, he will develop a complex and moving witchcraft/lesbian storyline in season 4.] And speaking of the dumb-dumbs Rachel is dating, I want to take it all the way back to the premiere for a minute when there were 30 contesticles still hoping to woo Rachel.

It seemed like all anyone could say about Rachel—and the character that the editors seemed to be carving out for her—was that she was so beautiful and smart. Indeed, they had never a woman like her. I quickly ran through a list of all of the women that I know well and couldn't think of a single one who I would not describe as smart and beautiful. Which is fantastic for me and concerning for these donuts.

So, I'd now like to turn it over to my girl Hailee Steinfeld — who is quietly an Academy Award nominee, a budding pop princes, and definitive queen of the teenage eyebrow Hunger Games — and her song of the summer:

youtube

Yes, Princess Hailee. Most girls are smart and strong and beautiful. If these dudes don't know any other women that they deem to be both smart and beautiful, then they are not good enough for Rachel. Also, heads up — these dudes aren't good enough for Rachel!

Rachel's only flaw seems to be that she’s not aware when a dude isn’t good enough for her. Rachel can be as smart and funny, and hand as many asses to as many duplicitous dummies as many times as she wants to, but the fact of the matter is, we have this wonderful Bachelorette…because she once truly wanted to be engaged to Nick Viall.

And that is as good of a reality check as any to remind us that this is still the Bachelorette, and two bros will still play a game of homoerotic "I'm not touching you" in the driveway when they get kicked out. Because a peacock cannot change its feathers (which would be a much better reference if this came on NBC!). Yes, of course, I wish that Rachel, Queen of the Fuckbois, Ruler of STD Mansion, Breaker of Bullshit, and Mother of Reads could be a little more like Hailee Steinfeld's breakout song of summer 2015, “Love Myself.” That’s right, the one where she boldly declares that she maybe, definitely screams her own name while she masturbates. I'm not talking about that declaration, though; I’m talking about the other, less intriguing, but altogether more important: Gonna love myself, no I don’t need anybody else (Hey!).

Alas, us women of a certain age weren't raised with the raging independence of the SnapChat generation. We must marry, and we must do it quickly — before our wombs rot and there are no Tickle Monsters or sociopathic amateur drummers left for us. We can scream our own name during orgasm, sure. But society and ABC contracts dictate that it would be much better if there were a Peter or Kenny beside us while we do it. Let’s get to know them, shall we...

DeMario's Return

Y'all. After being told to "get the fuck out," this dude thinks it's a good idea to Uber back over to the mansion for a little more screen time. But all it really does is give Rachel another chance to show off her PhD in rhetoric. I mean—the woman can talk, and I think anyone who watched Farmer Chris or Des with Bangs' season could reiterate the importance of that one simple skill to you.

However, there's nothing simple about the way Rachel pummels what's left of DeMario into the ground. DeMario tries to tell Rachel that Lexi assassinated his character and he was just caught off guard. Rachel kindly responds that all that can be true (in a tone that says it's very much not true), "But I need a man, that when confronted with a difficult situation, does not lie about it." Similarly, I need a Rachel that will speak for me every time I'm confronted with a difficult man. DeMario says that he had a little chat with his Uber driver on the way over, and that Uber driver — who was, without a doubt, a male— encouraged him to not take no for an answer. Bad advice, brother! Always, always, ALWAYS take no for an answer.

Once DeMario starts spouting "in order to experience joy, you need pain" quotes to Rachel (who literally has 20 other guys waiting inside for her, 18 of them hotter than DeMario) she's had it. "I'm glad you realized that you need to move forward," says Rachel, gearing up for something good. "But what I need you to understand is that forward isn't that way toward the mansion. Forward is outside of it." Do you understand that, DeMario? Do you smell what the Rachel is cooking? The other bros shuffle their feet behind her hoping they can somehow spin her hate of another man into a love for them. They ask if DeMario is coming back. "Fuck no," says Rachel.

The Frontrunners

Going back a few episodes, it must be noted that a few frontrunners have already emerged. And they are tall, strapping, brunette white men, because Rachel has a type.

Bryan is a 37-year-old chiropractor who doesn’t look like his name is really Bryan, like he's really a chiropractor, or like he's really 37-years-old. All of that is a compliment.

I really liked Bryan because Bryan is hot and speaks Spanish; I could even get past his Dementor-like kissing style…right up until some of the fellas went on a group date to Ellen and it was revealed during a game of Never Have I Ever—always a cool thing to play with eight guys, one gal, and a live studio audience—that half of the guys on the group date had already kissed Rachel. To the half that had not kissed her, this comes as a surprise. Because, I guess, they've never met a human woman and cannot imagine how Rachel might meet 30 dudes, which probably adds up to, like, 150 different abdominal muscles, and want to kiss some of them. To Bryan, this serves as an opportunity for him to showcase that he was the first guy to kiss her, which he unfortunately does by saying to another fella, "You got my sloppy seconds." It is proof that Rachel likes Bryan that she did not whip off her lace-front and cut him with words right there.

The other guy that had already gotten his kiss? Peter, who got the first one-on-one: a romantic day with Copper the Dog. I don’t care if Peter is boring. I would climb that man like a tree—and I would ask him to keep all of his fashionable suits on while I did it.

Of note: Anthony, who Rachel goes on a one-on-one with, riding horses down Rodeo Drive (not a thing, girl, no matter how many times you say it's a thing), might actually be good enough for Rachel…but he seems far too mentally and emotionally intelligent to be long for this world.

Do We Have To?

Honestly, if it weren't for the one incredible conversation regarding a banana during the saga of Lukas and Blake, I wouldn't even get into this because these two are The Worst. Lukas is the guy who nearly gives himself an aneurysm every 10 minutes trying to be funny. His idea of humor is just to scream a word: Whaboom. My idea of humor is listening to all of the other men genuinely not be able to remember what the stupid word he keeps saying is: Whabam? Kabloom? Ska-douche? Who cares!

Blake is the guy who talked about his dick for a full five minutes in his intro package, but thinks Lukas is in this for the wrong reasons. These two somehow know each other from the outside world, because Lukas used to date Blake's roommate, who Blake says is now being evicted from his apartment for calling him a maniac…ladies, try to keep your panties on, okay?

This all comes to a boil when Rachel tells Lukas that Blake has been questioning his reasons for being on the show, and Lukas responds calmly and not at all like a drunken, unhinged person, saying that he recently caught Blake standing over his bed eating a banana while he was sleeping. Blake's response to the claim of a moron: "Heh, impossible. I don't even eat carbs." Blake, you fucking tool.

Let's Detox with a Little…

The Pretty Boy Pitbull, Kenny King. If you had told me my favorite man in this group would be a pro-wrestler who goes by the name of the Pretty Boy Pitbull Kenny King, I would have said…Yeah, Jodi, that sounds exactly like you—nothing has ever sounded more like you.

But still, I did not expect Kenny, the pro-wrestler with a 10-year-old daughter to be quite so cuddly. He has endeared himself to me if for this quote alone: "Being a wrestler, I know all about white dudes acting crazy. And these white dudes are buggin'." These white dudes are buggin', Kenny, and you are not. Please stay this pure, and continue not to bug. Also, at some point you have to stop leading every conversation with your adorable love for your daughter. Because I don't know if Rachel is ready to be the step-mother to a teen. Mentioning that you used to be a Chippendales dancer, however, is a good start.

Lee Is a Sociopath Who Must Be Stopped and Since I Just Saw Wonder Woman, I Wouldn't Mind If Rachel Donned Leather Armor and Lasso-of-Truth'd His Ass

Ugh, another annoying storyline, but a complex one, at least. Actually…it's not that complex.

Eric is a young man with Steve Buscemi eyes who has clearly never seen this show, otherwise he would know that if you speak a word about the Bachelor(ette) that sounds like anything less than the complimentary rantings of a stalker, you will be taken to task by some dude named Iggy. See, Eric really likes Rachel, and he's getting frustrated that he can't tell if Rachel likes him back. He wonders aloud to a few friends if Rachel might be keeping her emotions in check since she's dating so many men at once.

And men quite literally come out of the woodwork to tell Eric that he is the devil and he'll never know love.

Listen, I don't really even like Eric that much. He doesn’t seem particularly interesting, and definitely isn't mature enough for Rachel, who could legitimately be the President of the United States right now. But there is no doubt that Lee's sociopathic behavior toward him is fueled by the fact that he thinks Eric is inferior to him. This is obvious because since this season has aired, sleuths have uncovered many a racist tweet from Lee, but also because Lee is a walking microagression with cold, dead shark eyes.

After Eric naively tries to float the idea that Rachel might be playing this gameshow like a game, some dude named Iggy that you don't need to retain to memory comes out of nowhere to confront him about it. Eric raises his voice because Iggy was out of line, and because sometimes people raise their voices when they're upset and consisting on a diet of protein powder and Belvita breakfast bars.

Lee latches onto the fact that he heard Eric yelling and will not let it go. He tells Rachel that Eric’s aggression made him “uncomfortable” (you code, bro?) and he does’t think Eric is right for her. Rachel asks Eric about it and Eric explains that he just wants some validation; Rachel validates him with the group date rose; Lee demeans and condescends to Eric by repeatedly saying creepy shit like he thinks he's "an amazing person" and he “loves him to death,” but he heard him get "aggressive," and that scared him. Then to the cameras: "I don't care if Eric disrespects me, okay? He means nothing … this is one kid with a bad issue."

Hey Lee, real quick: Fuck. You. You are transparent, and you are dangerous, and this season pretty much rides or dies on how soon Rachel gets rid of you. No pressure, Rach.

Just kidding, there is a ton of pressure on Rachel for this season to work out okay, and it's very unfair to her. Happy reality TV, everyone! See you back here, hopefully sooner rather than later. My only thoughts on Bachelor in Paradise for now: Sad, sad, sad. Bad, bad, bad.

#the bachelorette #the bachelorette recap #rachel lindsay

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theworstbob · 7 years

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yellin’ at songs, week thirty-nine

Opinions on the songs which debuted on the billboard charts 4 october 1997, 6 october 2007, and 7 october 2017

10.4.1997

24) "The One I Gave My Heart To," by Aaliyah

I agree, '90s R&B. It IS sad when people you love hurt you. I used to think it was good when people you loved made you feel sad, but I've been listening to your arguments for the last few months, and you know what? You're right. People you love should make you feel good! Took a while, but I'm finally coming around to your side.

28) "Criminal," by Fiona Apple

So I'm on vacation from work, and I've been taking this time off to not think about anything and just sorta stare blankly at whatever the screen has to offer, so this is not a song for my current mental state. There's so much to unpack with this song, and I'm just not yet acclimated to thinking about what this song has to offer. I need to get back on that critical thinking horse, but I've been lazy the last couple days, aand like you know how difficult it is to concentrate on anything? Y'all givin' me shit like "I've got to make a play to make my lover stay, so what would an angel say? The devil wants to know," and I gotta try to frame it in some context or another, and meanwhile the Link to the Past rando tournament is right there. I can just turn that back on at any moment. Shit, dude. I'm sorry, Fiona Apple. I'm trying. You caught me at a bad time, but this is still probably the best song I've heard in a hot minute, so you've got that going for ya!

84) "Last Night's Letter," by K-Ci & JoJo

THANK YOU, 1997. This is how the list should've been ordered. Groove these '90s R&B slo jamz up the middle so I can make jokewords and get some practice thinking, THEN throw something with lyrical depth and whatnot at me. This song says "I'll love you always" before we even hit the first chorus. Follow Aaliyah up with this, then give me the country song that's gonna follow, THEN I'll be ready to say something substantive about Fiona Apple. Fiona Apple was a thing, right? Like, she would've pretty much been '97 Lena Dunham? Or would she have been a Woke Twitter Hero? I don't know, and it's too late to ever find out because the list has moved on to a song where two men with nice voices sing about passion and devotion. "I wrote this letter last night." Do you think they wrote "I wrote this letter" in the actual letter? Do you think they repeated the chorus in the actual letter? I hope so!

87) "Valentine," by Martina McBride & Jim Brickman

Imagine going to a hoedown, turning on the local country radio station, and hearing this. I mean, maybe this was a solid play for adult contemporary radio, I dunno who Jim Brickman is but I dobut he goes hard too often, but Tay Tay's "Red" was a #2 country single. It would follow that country would listen to anything Martina McBride, but like just... Every single bro country dude was weaned on songs like this. This was what country music sounded like before "i respect the flag AND the party" bullshit. I've made this point before, but it's worth noting, pop/country? That's a genre with a bizarre evolutionary line!

91) "Please," by The Kinleys

you could tell me these white girls are either sisters or two girls named kinley that happened to meet one day, and i would believe it. this is a song that would've been good enough to make the top 20 back when i only had like ten weeks of '97 to sift through, i would've said "yeah this is basic but it's not 'my baby daddy,'" but it's october and we've listened to so many other things and i've already forgotten what this was. country? sure. country. good job, country girls who probably named their kids Carson and Mackenzie.

95) "Go Away," by Lorrie Morgan

If you are using tumblr, your opinion of Marilyn Monroe has gone through three stages: 1) Marilyn Monroe is the epitome of glamour 2) Marilyn Monroe was basically Paris Hilton, like what did she do even? 3) HELL YEAH, MARILYN MONROE WAS PARIS HILTON. SHE WAS HOT AS HELL AND FUCKED ALL THE TIME. GOALS. This is the hottest country girl jam 1997 has provided, but it opens with some Marilyn Monroe cosplay, and this song is a hot jam in a way where it's like "hell yeah, I'd listen to this again!" and not "let's start a music discussion club to delve into the deeper meanings of this song. When she asks, 'Go away and wait a minute,' what does she mean?" so let's just goof on the video!

10.6.2007

53) "Do it Well," Jennifer Lopez

I heard the annoying Timbalandy intro and thought for sure 2007 was hitting us with more of that Kara DioGuardi. Nope! Ryan Tedder! Still a shitty Timbaland ripoff, that Latin pop jam J. Lo released a few months (and ten years) ago was way more in her wheelhouse than this, but I misidentified the bad songwriter who'd been tasked with wasting these three minutes of my life. Ryan Tedder's been doing things for ten years. I am so glad I'm an unexceptional white man, because it means life will never stop presenting me with opportunities regardless of whether or not I deserve them.

73) "1973," James Blunt

The fact that this song actually debuted at #73 makes me so happy. You have no idea. Like, this song is what you would expect the follow-up to "You're Beautiful" to be, James Blunt is trying desperately to show he has some edge and is also a Deep Thinker who doesn't look at girls and think about whether or not he thinks they're hot, he now tries to figure out a year in which she could have been beautiful. "Girl, you're so hot, you remind me of the year before I was born." Swoon. Such a serious artist, this one. Also: did you guys know three people are credited songwriters on "You're Beautiful?" Also also: there's a song called "2005" which is pretty much about "You're Beautiful?" Oh, James Blunt. I am prepared to fall down this YouTube hole someday, but not today. I have to figure out who Playaz Circle is.

91) "Duffle Bag Boy," Playaz Circle ft./Lil Wayne

Oh, 2 Chainz! That's who this is! Well, here I am, forgetting 2 Chainz existed as an entity before he was 2 Chainz and omitting him from the Decade Dance Club! Anyway, this is a song that presages Lil Wayne's extremely good decision to rebrand as a rock god, and it's, y'know, it's fine. It's an acceptable 2007 rap song, much like "Good Drank" was an acceptable 2017 rap song about half a year ago. I accept that this was ever in my life, and I will move on once I feel this paragraph appears large enough that someone could conceivably mistake this for in-depth analysis. What a large paragraph I wrote with no actual content! We have done good work.

94) "Freaky Gurl," Gucci Mane

Gucci Mane is another of the 35-member Decade Dance Club, and with songs like this, there's no shortage of reasons we've kept him around for so long! The way he only uses one flow so you don't get confused and think you're listening to multiple rappers. Intricate rhymes like in the third verse, where he ends six consecutive lines with "girl." And the way each verse only has eight bars so he can go back to the chorus is so polite, it knows why we came to the song and doesn't wanna screw around or seem indulgent with all those fancy A A A A A A rhyme schemes! Gucci Mane: ten years of greatness. Truly, something whose endurance I understand.

95) "Famous in a Small Town," Miranda Lambert

Miranda Lambert is one of my favorite country artists. I also get squicked out when millionaires sing lines like "Who needs their faces in a magazine?" You are incredibly famous! You don't get to sing this song! You are famous in several big cities! Don't sing songs revelling in mediocrity when you, yourself, are special! Like, Gucci Mane is awful, but at least he doesn't fuck around about the fact he owns a Hummer. He's not like "Don't worry if you can't afford a Hummer, life's not all about glamour!" he's saying, "Hell yeah, I got a Hummer. I fuck inside this big ol' car. You should get a Hummer. They're rad." Gucci Mane is a truth-teller, and we should respect that.

99) "Can't Help but Wait," Trey Songz

so like did they record one person clapping their hands and use that for every single '07 r&b song, or did they record hand claps every time they banged one of these out. i hope they made new hand clap noises for every song, it would make each song feel a little more personal, but i think all the studios just like shared the same hand clapping noise. i wonder whose hands they were that made this noise. this song is boring. why did anyone listen to this. they made this song a thousand times in 1997. seems like a waste of the handclaps.

7 October 2017

2) "rockstar," by Post Malone ft./21 Savage

"i cannot contain lyrical abilities of going so hard." what. why. why. who is this... i'm listening to this and wishing i was listening to a nickelback song. this is how fucking dire this song is. like legitimately. this song bites from nickelback, then has the audacity, the muthafuckin AUDACITY to say, "i can tell you're a lazy-ass aritst." preacher, heal thyself.

66) "Too Much to Ask," by Niall Horan

Niall Horan is a nice boy making nice songs and this is going to be another week where 2017 gives me absolutely nothing to work with, isn't it. I mean, I guess it's fine that Niall Horan is a person making John Mayer songs in a world where garbage like Post Malone rules the day, but why does he have to be John Mayer? Can't we do better than John Mayer? Is this really all we have to look forward to on the weeks that divas are not accompanied by an army of brass instruments, is maybe we're cool with Lorde but mostly the hope someone will sound like John Mayer instead of Calvin Harris? 2017, what ya doin'.

67) "Curve," by Gucci Mane ft./The Weeknd

No, sir, Gucci Mane has not lost a step in the last ten years! He's actually improved: this song is two and a half minutes long. Like, we're minimizing time loss, here. I know nothing good will happen. On some level, Gucci Mane knows he's not creating great, lasting art. Just talk about your dick for two and a half minutes and let me go back about my day.

85) "DNA," by BTS

My favorite was the one with the silver hair with the haunted voice because I think The Goth One is unexplored territory for boy bands and I'm glad that BTS has decided to be pioneers. I'm into this! It's dumb, loud pop music, but after so many months of dumb quiet pop music, I think it's high time we just let some young men dance their hearts out and sing about whatever grand emotion they're singing about, probably love, I don't know, I'm actually not ready to let go of this being a Kendrick cover. This is fun! Pop music should sound like Coke tastes, not how Coke makes you feel. This is a sugary little treat, and I'm glad that I was able to listen to it.

92) "Homemade Dynamite," by Lorde ft./Khalid, Post Malone & SZA

I like the original. I liked Melodrama because it sounded like its own thing, and this just sounds like something I could've gotten from any of the EDM bros. Khalid and Post Malone add their usual nothing, and with SZA, it's the same thing, I'd much rather listen to her on her own thing than her on someone else's thing. I dunno. I think y'all should've listened to this song before they felt like they had to ruin it with Post Malone. Lorde's great! I wish I could figure out why the general public rejected her but embraced Khalid!

Who won the week?

1997 because it had the only song I liked.

Current standings: 1997: 14 2007: 12 2017: 13 Next week: Elton John remakes “Candle in the Wind” for some reason, we insist on summoning old Tay Tay to the phone, and oh goddamnit 2017′s gonna give us Macklemore come on 2017 get it together

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survivor-switzerland · 7 years

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EPISODE 13: FULL ON SANTANA BREAKDOWN - ASHLEY SARAH

Oh wow look what we have here.

List of people who are dead to me in this game and can go jump off a cliff.

1. Brett

2. Dom

3. Nick

List of people I love in this game.

1. Tyler

2. Ashley

I'm so pissed right now, usually the anger of having things not go your way vanishes in like five hours or so but it hasn't.

I cannot believe fucking Brett did that. I am legit pissed because he's reasoning was that he was being selfish and wanted Ben gone because Ben wasn't gonna work with him and shit. Well congrats on doing a bang up job Brett, you just lost us a number and my trust.

Being selfish? You have the balls to be selfish to me?! REMEMBER THE RENEE VOTE?? I VOTED OUT RENEE because that move was for the best of our alliance! I had a chance of being selfish and save Renee but I didn't because I was looking out for the alliance and then you strut in saying you're being selfish and made a move that DID NOT in anyway or form benefit the alliance. How in the world can we even call ourselves H4rmony alliance if we can't even harmonize.

So now I feel like I'm in the minority and I know I ain't winning this immunity but I'm still going to be fake with these fuckers and act like I still wanna work with them. If you blindside me and your name ain't Jenn From or Nicole G then I ain't forgiving you anytime soon.

so lets start with tribal yeah i was completely shocked!! i know dom wanted ben out but jeez i may not trust ben but that doesnt mean i want him out but i guess its what majority wanted would be nice to have a little warning tho i mean i was surprised that it actually worked

i just spent all day doing puzzles my most hated thing ever EVER EVER ok if i dont get something out oif this i will be IRATE

I apologize for spelling and grammar in last few my eyes hurt from puzzles!!! But with people changing their alliances I still think I am in a decent position. I try to stay social. I worry about not having ben as a vote especially with Dom nick on one side and jev Luke on one and Tyler Ian Brett in other. I think my main alliances are still strong!! I hope at least!! The blindside was shocking but at least today people are apologizing and explaining. it's gonna get hard with so few people it only takes one to swing. I'm definitely playing it careful from here on out.

I spent an entire day doing puzzles!! If I don't win I will cry I mean full on Santana breakdown at 1:45. I worked so hard for this. You just don't even realize

https://youtu.be/TlWHTfrGhoY

I won my second individual immunity challenge and I'm so excited! I'm going to at least match my Great Lakes placement and I couldn't be happier! Brett came to me yesterday and told me that Tyler has the immunity idol which is really fucking interesting because he's been upset at me for lying to him this entire game when he didn't even trust me enough to tell me about the idol so lmao! BUT looking at it, Tyler is better for my game than Nick is so I came up with a plan to frame Nick for leaking a plan to Tyler so that we could get Nick out. It looks like things could be going to plan right now which is amazing for me. I just needed to get some trust back with Tyler and this was the perfect way to do it because I know that after this, the only person he will trust is me and I NEED the numbers to get Brett out at some point.

Things have gotten a tad crazy here. I like everyone left but I am so nervous every week about the vote. I really hope tonite goes as planned and I'm safe. It's gonna get ugly but there's no way we have a shot at winning with MVP here.

Hey y'all I found a new definition of the word snake in the dictionary. Aside from being a reptilian creature with no legs, it's also Nick. :O

Anyways, Tyler tells me that these bastards are splitting the vote between him and me and that I'm going down. These people are ugly and a bunch of them are illiterate hoes :D

tbh when Tyler told me that they were gonna split the vote, a voice said to me that if they're going to split the vote I need to vote Tyler to keep myself safe, BUT I feel like it won't be worth it because even if Tyler goes I'm next anyway. So all I'm left with is giving my game at the hands of Luke and Jev to try and get the snake out of this game.

I'm probably getting voted out tonight. It was a good run but this run was filled with so many mistakes that it's disgusting asdfghjk.

Ciao!!

OH MY GOD I AM LAUGHING SO HARD!! After trying to get us out since the beginning of merge, Ian and Tyler have came to Luke and asked him if he wants to create a final 4 with them and me. I just find it so funny that they're now the ones crawling to us for our help.

I'm quite happy with the position I've ended up in, Brett ended up joining me and Luke last round, along with Dom and Nick and that's how the Benjamin blindside came about. However, this round we planned to split votes between Ian and Tyler so that no matter what happened one of them would leave. HOWEVER, Nick had to be a snake and go and tell them about the plan, and now he's coming to me telling me about how he's "scared" because he thinks the plan isn't going to work, YEAH NO SHIT!

Anyways, me and Luke are still holding tight and surviving (at least for now) I'm rooting for us so hard!

EPISODE 13

And the backlash begins. Nick, Dom, and I worked with the Matterhorn outcasts to send Benjamin to the jury. It made sense to me because I had lied up and down the block to Benjamin over and over again and if Benjamin were to have stayed, he would have been of absolutely no use to me. So he can go to the jury. He's a nice dude, but if you aren't going to be of assistance, you have to go.

The first matter of business was to do damage control with Ashley Sarah, Ian, and Tyler. Ashley Sarah seems fine with everything. Ian and Tyler...not so much. Tyler spins out into a lot of paranoia of who is in an alliance with who and is Nick in charge and what's going on with Dom, and why didn't Luke tell him anything--everything. The whole bit was a mess, but as far as Tyler's concerned, I'm just getting started. Tyler 100% would have been walking out the door if he hadn't won immunity. Believe it.

Luke won the immunity challenge--thirty puzzles of all different varieties. No worries. My plan was to draw Ashley Sarah to our side and split the votes on Ian and Tyler to either flush Tyler's hidden immunity idol or to send him home. Everything seems business as usual--Tyler and Ian believe we're voting out Jevvon. Nick is acting squirmy and paranoid like he always does. Dom and Ash are going with the flow. Luke is at ease with the world. And Jevvon is nervous. Same story, different round.

Unfortunately, some people can't leave well enough alone and Tyler erupts upon discovering a vote is splitting on Ian and he. Of course someone had to blab. Of course someone had to ruin it for (me) everyone! Dumbass Nick, in all of his overplaying and paranoia and Jeff Probst BIG MOVES resume-making bullshit thought it'd be fun to spill all the details to Tyler and try to get him and Ashley Sarah to blindside me. Nope. Absolutely not. You can leave as well. We'll send you to go hang out with your buddy, Benjamin, on the jury bench. Tyler confronts me. Ashley Sarah also spills the plan to me. Here's the thing: Tyler HATES Nick. And Ashley Sarah ADORES me. In what world was this going to work?! Come on, dude. Tyler and I had an open forum to get everything out on the table. And we all collectively decided it would be best to toss Nick's ass from the game. It was a nice try, Nick, but ya should have known better than to come after me this soon. Patience is a virtue. Later, buddy. I'll take great care of Dom in your absence.

#ihopeiseeyounever #confessionals

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