#drunk luigi

[blackhakumen]

Mini Fanfic #1074: Our Green Bean Plumber (Super Smash Bros Ultimate)

8:45 a.m. at Smash Mansion: Luigi and Daisy's Bedroom........

Luigi: (Groans as He Slowly Starts to Open his Eyes and Wake Himself Up) Mama Mia.....Where....am I?...

????: Morning, Sweetie~

Luigi: (Turns to See a Very Familiar Face Laying Next to Him on.the Bed) D-Daisy? (Starts Rubbing his Eyes) Is that really you?

Daisy: (Smiles Softly) The one and only. We're finally back home in our bed.

??????: And a good thing too.

Luigi turns to see Samus and Chun-Li sitting on the other side with Chun-Li happily waving at him.

Samus: (Smirks a Bit Playfully While LettingOut a Chuckle or Two) You were so fucking hammered last night.

Luigi: (Sighs While Laying Up on the Bed and Scratching Behind his Head) Well, that explains the massive headache.....I wasn't too much of a hassle to take care of, was I?

Samus: Nah. You were just vibing and having a good time for the most part

Chun-Li: As the cutest drunk ever~

Daisy: Right?~ (Playfully But Gently Pinches Luigi's Cheek) You were so cute and adorable that I could just eat you right up!~ (Gives Luigi a Kiss on the Other Cheek)

Luigi: (Giggles a Bit Ticklishly) Daisy~ Come on- (Suddenly Gasps at a Black Circle Around one of His Girlfriend's Eyes) D-Daisy, is that-

Daisy: A black eye? Yup, the one and only. (Gently Places her Hands on Both of Luigi's Cheeks) And before you say anything, please don't blame yourself for this. What happened last night was all on me and me alone, okay?

Luigi: Okay. B-But how you did managed get yourself hurt in the first place?

Daisy: (Starts Rubbing The Back of Her Head Back and Forth) Wellllll.........

Flashback to Last Night at the Karaoke Bar........

Luigi: (Drunkenly Sings on Stage) FlY me to DA MOoN n LeT me PLayyy aMong the StARsssss

Daisy: (Places her Hands onto her Chest and Sighs at her Boyfriend On Stage) He sounds just like an angel~

Samus: (Snickers a Bit) Yeah. An drunken angel.

Chun-Li: Has he always get drunk so easily?

Samus: Yeah, our poor green bean over there is a bit of a lightweight when it comes to drinking.

Daisy: (Turns to the Couple) But he gets even more cuter than he usual does though!~ Like, this one time, he went to Tifa's bar with her, Cloud and Dedede and he has gotten so wasted that he came back to the mansion and had De playing the acoustic guitar as he sings how much he loves me before he passed out sleeping, saying my name over and over.

Chun-Li: (Giggles Softly) Awwww~ That's so adorable and funny~

Daisy: Right!?~ I love that man so much I just- (Looks Up at the Ceiling Before Letting Out a Scream) ('UGGGGGH') (Places her Hands on Cheeks her Happily Twists her Head Side to Side) I can't!~

Samus: Calm down, Mayflower. It ain't that serious.

Daisy: (Immediately Glares at Samus) S-Sammy! (Starts Whispering) Ixnay on the last name....

Chun-Li: (Raises an Eyebrow in Confusion) Mayflower is your last name?

Daisy: No-

Samus: Yes. Yes it is.

Daisy: (Grumbles as She Goes Back to Glaring at Samus)

Samus: Oh quit giving me that look. Everyone else in the mansion knows that already.

Daisy: Which they SHOULDN'T!

Chun-Li: (Smiles Softly at Daisy) I think your nickname sounds nice to say.

Daisy: (Sighs Before Smiling Back at Chun-Li) Thanks, Chuns. You're sweet. Unlike your girlfriend over here.

Samus: Oh come on. I wasn't planning on making fun of you over it. At least not yet anyways....

Daisy: (Groans While Rolling her Eyes) Whatever. Just remind me to pummel Dedede whenever I see him next time, okay?

Samus: (Shrugs) Fine by me.

????: Ohhhh brother! This plumber FUCKING STINKS!

Daisy: (Immediately Gets Up From her Seat, Slams her Table and Glares at the Heckler Behind her) ('SLAM') WHO SAID THAT!?

????: (Raises her Hand Nonchalantly) Uh. Right here, Little Miss Mayflower.

Daisy: (Starts Growling in Anger)

Chun-Li: (Facepalms Herself at a Familiar Looking Woman with a Dark Purple Dress and Long Hair) Oh God. Not you again.....

Samus: You know this girl, babe?

Chun-Li: (Turns to her Girlfriend) Remember when I told you there was this woman who started poking fun at me for being old at the café earlier, the same one I also told you that I have history with in the past?

Samus: Yeah.

Chun-Li: Well, that, believe it or not, is woman I was referring to: Juri Han.

Juri: (Grins Mischievous at Chun-Li) What's happening, grandma! (Gets Up From her Table and Makes her Way to the Trio) Trying to relive your youth here tonight?~

Chun-Li: (Glares at Juri) We're having ourselves our first double date for the evening, thank you.

Juri: (Starts Snickering) Really? Who would ever date your old ass?

Samus: (Glares at Juri as Well) Me. And unless you wanna know what plasma feels like, I suggest you keep your mouth, twerp.

Luigi: (Angrily and (Dizzily) Points at Juri in the Distance With the Microphone in his Hand) YEah! YoU leAvE ChuN-Li aLONE, you ('Hic') BULLY!

Juri: Oh God. He's wasted.

Luigi: Yeah. I'm wasted. And YOU lAdy are ('Hic') VeRy MeAN!!

Juri: (Rolls her Eyes) Gee, what gave that observation away, genius?

Luigi: YoUr FACE!

Juri: ..............I mean....(Shrugs) Okay?

Luigi: No, It's Okiee-DokIE, ThAnk yOu VEry muCh! (Grabs his Chin While Thinking) Now, where was I.....Oh YeAh! (Points at Juri Again) SToP being MeAn to my FriEnd CHun-Li! SHe's the preTtieSt, STroNgEst ('hic') WOman in the Whoooole WidE WoRLd and she should be ('hic') TReaTed as SuCh!!

Chun-Li's begins starts to melt by Luigi's as she happily place her hands on her chest while blushing.

Luigi: AnD SaMMy is DEFINITELY NoT the one to mEss with EiTheR! ShE's an AsS-kiCkiNG BOunTy HunTeEr who ('hic') blEw up like GaZILLION planets without tUrninG bAck ONCE!

Samus: Not the exact number of planets I've destroyed. (Smiles Brightly at Luigi While Blushing) But thanks, Weeg!~ You're actually making me blush right now.

Luigi: AnD Don'T yoU ('hic') DARE starT and mAkE fun oF mY priNcEss too! SHe's stroNG, BeaUtiFul, and TrEats me VeRY niCeLy OvEr the YeaRs and I loVe her a....(Spreads his Arms Open) WhoooooooLe much!~

Crowd: Awwwwwwww!~

Daisy: (Heart Begins to Melt in Pure Happiness as She Smiles Tearfully at her Man on Stage) I love you a whole lot too, Sweetie!~

Juri: (Scoffs While Rolling her Eyes Again) Of course he would fall for a second rate princess like you.

'Record Scratch'

Daisy: (Eyes Widened in Anger as She Slowly Turns her Head Back Towards Juri) I beg your pardon.

Juri: Are you deaf? You. Are. A. Second-Rate. Princess. And a pretty obnoxious one too. Like, the dumb blonde bimbo isn't any better, but at least she's a lot more popular than you ever was. Not even Bowser could be bothered to try and kidnap you.

Daisy: That's because I slapped his fatass across the moon once, what's your point!?

Juri: Look, I'm stating the facts here. (Walks Closer to Daisy) You're not shit, you're never gonna amount to shit, and the fact that you're dating that Player 2 loser over there-

Luigi: Heyyyyyyyyyyy!

Juri: -proves my point perfectly. (Flicks Daisy's Forehead With a Smug Look on her Face)

One of Daisy's eyes begins to twitch for a few seconds she decides to take a quick deep breath to calm herself down.

Daisy: So, that's what I am to you: A second rate princess.

Juri: I didn't stutter, did I?

Daisy: No, no. You didn't. But I do have a question for you though.

Juri: Which is......

Daisy: Can a Second Rate Princess do this!?

Without warning, Daisy delivers a right hook across Juri's jaw much to her and almost everyone in the bar's surprise.

Juri: (Places her Hand on her Cheek as She Winces in Brief Pain) Ah what the fuc-

Daisy let's out a battle cry roar before tackling Juri down to the ground pulverizing her in the process.

The crowd then rushes towards the two girls as they start chanting "Fight, Fight, Fight, Fight, Fight"

Samus: (Watches the Fight Unfold in Front of her and Chun-Li) Wellllll, that happened, surprise-surprise.

Chun-Li: Yeah, but it's nice to see Juri get taken down a peg for once.

Samus: Agreed. (Sighs While Stretching her Arms) Welp, I'm gonna try and stop our flower girl before this fight escalates even further. You mind getting Weeg off stage so we can hopefully get out of here together?

Chun-Li: (Simply Nodded) Not at all. (Makes her Way to the Stage) Weegie, it's time for us to go now.

Luigi: Do wE ('Hic') have to leave NoW? The figHt just GoT startEd.(Turns Back to the Crowd as He Cheers Daisy on) KiCk her aSs, sWeetiE! Go foR the EYeS!!

Daisy: (In the Distance) On it, honey!!

'SMACK'

Juri: ('ARGH') You BITCH!

Chun-Li: (Simply Nodded) I'm afraid so. You can barely stand normally right now.

Luigi: Oh PlEase! I ('Hic') can stand on my own ('Hic') (Starts Getting Dizzier) just F-FinE....

Luigi's about to trip down to the ground before Chun-Li swooping and catches him in her arms woth ease.

Chun-Li: I gotcha! Are you okay?

Luigi: YaYyyyyy!!~ (Reach his Hands Up in the Sky) YoU sAaaaaaved me!~ (Happily (And Drunkenly) Hugs Chun-Li) My hErO~

Chun-Li: (Giggles Softly) Awww~ There's no need to thank me, dear. Just making sure you're okay is all. Now come on. Let's get the girls and blow this popsicle stand.

Luigi: I like popsicles. Have yoU ('Hic') ever tried SeAsaLt IcE CrEam before?

Chun-Li: (Starts Walking Off the Stage With Luigi in her Arms) Why no I haven't. You guys should treat me to one sometime.

Juri: (In the Distance) I'LL HAVE MY REVENGEEEEE!

End of Flashback

Chun-Li: Then after that, you sung yourself to once we head back to the mansion and got you into bed.

Samus: And now we're currently banned from ever setting foot on that bar for a while.

Luigi: (Frowns a Bit Sadly) Aww....I like singing in there.

Daisy: (Gently Rubs the Top of Luigi's Head) I know you do, sweetie. But there's many other clubs around to go to besides that one, so it's not the end of the world completely.

Luigi: ('Sigh') Yeah, you're right about that. (Smiles Softly) I still had a great time with you girls. (Blushes While Scratching his Cheek a Little) Despite....me getting myself wasted and everything.....

Chun-Li: (Smiles Brightly at her New Friend) We had a great time with you too, Weegie. And thank you so much for making my birthday this year, the most memorable yet. (Leans Over and Kiss Luigi's Forehead)

Samus: (Place a Hand on Luigi's Shoulder With a Smile of her Own) We know we kept telling you this a million times by now, but we really do love you to pieces, Luigi, drunk or not.

Luigi: (Chuckles Lightly) Thanks, Sammy. I love you guys too.

Daisy: Group Hugs!~

The ladies and Luigi happily huddle in for theor group hug for the morning.

Tifa: (Happily Knocks the Door) Knock knock!~ Company's here~

Cloud: (Holds a Tray a Breakfast in his Hands as He Walks in Behind Tifa Along with King Dedede) With breakfast.

Dedede: And a whole ton of entertainment! (Picks Up the Remote From a Nearby Dresser and Turns on the Room's Television) On y'all's TV.

Luigi: (Smiles Brightly at the Trio) Good morning, you guys!

Daisy: Perfect timing! (Chucks a Pillow at Dedede)

'BAP'

Dedede: Girl, what the hell!?

Daisy: (Glares at the Former King) THAT'S for making my last name go public, fatso!

Dedede: (Glares Back at Daisy) How many times I gotta tell ya, girlie, I ain't fat! I'm big bo- ('BAP') (Gets Hit by Another Pillow)

@keyenuta

@caleb13frede

@26shann

@cyber-wildcat

@albion-93

@tamrinthian

[darkwingsnark]

“Drunk already, human?” “Heh, yeah [...] I’m kinda a lightweight.”  “I apologize for antagonizing you then.”   “You’re not sorry at all.”  “You’re right, I’m not.”

An early birthday present for KI56, on her fic: ‘The Tide of Peace that Brings New Horizons’. 

An excellent read that I highly recommend.

[silly-inky]

Inspired of of Hisy-fit's (skulls-soul's) post about these two (link at the end of the post) and a few of these interactions where their ideas

TW: implied drinking/ alcohol consumption

So from the post itself we can see Peach is a lightweight

So I have a feeling that if peach is going to be drunk, Bowser is definitely going to join her. He’s going to be like “hey you wait until I catch up Princess"

But with his sheer body mass and regular champagne, the man would have to down like 20- 30 bottles if we are also contributeing to the fact he isn't human

Luigi and Mario ( Luigi and Mario are both married the respective drunk parties in this) trying to find out where did all the champagne bottles go walks into the dining hall that’s inside the mushroom kingdom to just find both peach and Bowser in us swimming pool of empty champagne bottles

Bowser: Look *hick* loooook Peach! Peach. Peeeaaachhh! Looook I'm floating in a sea of champagne!

Peach: that's *hick* nothing.. watch this! *gets up to dive but just faceplants on the floor*

Bowser: no waaaayy.. that's awesome! *does the same*

Peach: I'm going to steal Toads- tooadsswor- toadsworth? Yeah, toastworths glasses! and see if I can get Donkey to wear theeeem~! hehe

Bowser: I'll- I'll hold him down if he- if he doesn't coop- corp- .... c o o p e r a t e....Work with us!

Bowser’s: you think I could- you think I could get a kiss if I flirt with that guy (vaguely points at Luigi)

Peach: not as fast as I can- I can get a kiss from him(vaguely points at Mario)

Bowser: your..on Missy!!!

Just imagine poor Mario and Luigi just suffering because their spouses are flirting with them and being stupid but it’s also totally working and the only reason why they haven’t kissed the other yet is because they reek of alcohol, Mario relents bad gives Peach a quick kiss, before he can pull away however she pulls him in for a deeper kiss, after a minute she let's go and screams at Bowser

Peach: SEE! I kissed the handsome man before you~! "*in a very teasing kid like manner*

Bowser: Nuh uh! I saw you keep him there!!

Peach: still counts ya big scaly sore looser *sticks out young at him*

Bowser: now that is juussst rude.

For some reason, bowser and peach wake up in matching PJs (that reason being that they forced the seamstress to do so since there a team and they should match) and in the same bed because they wanted a slumber party

Luigi and Mario are making breakfast and there’s like a glass of water and migraine pills

Both peach and Bowser look ashamed because they ask the question “ what happened last night? everything kind of gets fuzzy after diving into the floor”

There is definitely not a video of them singing karaoke together that Toad took

Bowser’s singing the soft parts that have the vocalizations while peach surprisingly is doing the rap

She has the rap part of the certain song memorized to heart an it's hilarious in this form

At some point Bowser and peach sing a song that’s like for Mario and Luigi and the camera pans over to the two brothers blushing as well as tomatoes

I can imagine Bowser serenading Luigi with his immaculate singing voice he knows Luigi likes his voice when he's singing the deep parts of the song

Luigi starts giggling like a schoolgirl, while Mario’s over here teasing him

Peach: Looks like you've got a fan

Bowser: I know, I’m so going to ask him out.

Peach: aren’t you too married? *points to the wedding ring he’s wearing then to Luigi who is wearing a matching one*

Bowser: oh. My. Glob. You’re right! I’m the luckiest man in the world! I mean look at him!

Peach: I wish I was married, (proceeds to look at the wrong hand which has no ring)

Bowser’s pointing at Mario’s hand: Well it seems your crush is

Peach: NOOO *runs to Mario to grab his shoulders* YOU’RE MARRIED??? 🥺

Mario, trying to hold back, is laughter: yes? To you *he takes Peach's hand in his own, and with his free hand, pointed out the ring on her finger*

Peach: :O :D

Bowser’s in the background: mine is still better

Toad showed them the video while they where recovering, Both Peach and Bowser feel super embarrassed watching the video back. Before Toad leaves he makes sure to say

Toad: oh yeah and Peach, you asked Mario to marry you again

Peach: aw, well I guess that is very sweet

Bowser: what about me? Did I say something totally romantic? I mean I must have Green is keeps blushing every time he sees me

Toad: well... It was romantic in that sort of sense.. He sort of asked him if you guys wanted.. to.. Make babies..?

Bowser and Peach in stunned silence

Bowser: and what.. Did he say..?" under his breath he's promising himself to make it up to Luigi for that

Toad: I don't know, you'll have to ask him, he just sort of whispered in your ear and went back to talking with Mario, but whatever it was left you a blushing mess

Toad halfway out of the door: oh yeah, and your kids videod a lit of your shenanigans as well, don't worry, thankfully all the flirting stuff was done the karaoke parlor, which they weren't allowed into because of their last stunt they pulled in there

And with that Toad leaves the room

This absolutely kills Bowser as he wants to know what Luigi said, an Peach is very curious, so when Luigi comes in with some more water for them, Bowser asks Luigi, he whispers it to him an then leaves the room.

Peach turns to Bowser who has turned as red as he did last night

Peach: well?! What did he say??

Bowser: well let's just say that even though we can't actually make more kids, he wouldn't mind taking me up on the offer now that I've sobred up.

Peach: oh. My. Glob! That is amazing, hahahaha. You know we really need to hang out more like this, I'd love to share my juicy secerets if you share yours.

Bowser: I'd like that, but perhaps no alcohol next time..

Half an hour later the koopalings burst into the room "Dad! Aunty Peach! We've got something to show you!" They all then giggled as Iggy began to play a video he had taken with his phone

In the video you could hear Iggy talking to Mario who was out of shot

Iggy: pfft, you okay there uncle Mario? Looks like you've got a little something on your face

The camera then pans to Luigi, scrubbing at Mario's face with a washcloth trying to get something off of his face, with a closer look with the camera his face is covered in kisses left from Peach, you could tell it was her because of the signature pink colour

Mario: haha, don't get cheeky you little scamp

The video then ends. Leaving Peach as red as Bowser was before. Bowser let out a big harty laugh while wrapping an arm around her

Bowser: looks like I'm not the only one that was daring with my husband last night

Peach: hush..

Anyways hope you enjoyed and here is the post that skulls-soul made on their profile

[doodleydoo101]

He’s so hot you guys

[ask-icancraft-it]

Vanilla

(( A slightly NSFW short story, which alludes to a definitely NSFW fic I wrote a while back: 'Plus One'. A somewhat drunk Felix lets some things slip about his early days in the arcade. ))

---

“Alright,” Tamora interjected, taking another swig of her beer. The Niceland New Year’s party had wrapped hours ago, and all who remained sitting among the streamers and bits of confetti were her, Ralph, and Felix. Vanellope was also present, but had fallen asleep some time ago. 

Sitting up to place her drink on the coffee table, the sergeant had a pink hue on her face as she formulated her next question. Ralph had already turned towards her on the adjacent couch, but Felix remained still, head on the armrest, looking close to joining Vanellope in dreamland.

“You two have been around for thirty-something years–”

“Thirty-three,” Fix-It muttered.

“Right. You’ve been around for thirty-something years; you’ve seen it all…Who takes the title of sexiest man in the arcade.”

“These questions are feeling more and more like we’re high schoolers at a slumber party,” Ralph chuckled. He was buzzed, but in far better shape than the couple. “I’m going to have to think…”

“Luigi,” Felix mumbled upwards to the ceiling, pulling the brim of his cap up from over his eyes. “No contest.”

“No contest— are you kidding me?” Ralph looked dead into the handyman’s sleepy eyes. “Luigi?”

“Yyyep,” Felix replied smugly with a pop. 

“Yeah, well, I guess that figures. He’s seems just about as vanilla as you.” A defiant laugh rumbled in the fixer’s chest. “Oh, Ralph…Vanilla may be my favorite flavor of cake, but not my taste in pixels.”

The wrecker opened his mouth for another retort before a tiny cushion collided with his face.

Across the way, Tamora held another pillow at the ready.

“Elaborate,” she commanded, leaning towards her husband. She was very interested in what he had to say.

“Honey, that man can touch you in ways that will make you feel like the most special person in the world, and he’ll do it all while serenading you in Italian. He is unbelievably sexy…what?”

As he spoke, Felix caught Ralph and Tamora’s wide-eyed stares.

“Well that all seems very specific,” Wreck-It smiled, wagging his eyebrows. “I think you may have a biased opinion.”

“N-no, I don’t!” Felix’s face turned bright red, realizing just how revealing his explanation was. 

“More like an informed opinion,” Tamora joined in on the ribbing. Embarrassing the handyman was a pastime she and Ralph would regularly bond over. “He take good care of your pipes, Fix-It?”

“It was a long time ago…” he admitted, delighting his companions.

“Wait…what about Daisy?” Ralph questioned. “I thought she and Luigi have been a thing since forever.”

“She was there too.”

“What?!” Ralph was aghast. “Both!? At the same time?!”

“It was the 80’s…” Felix chuckled. “Not so vanilla now, am I?”

“I could have told him that,” Tamora raised her eyebrows and took another sip of her beer. “Time’s up, Wreck-It; your answer?”

The wrecker’s face flushed as he wrung his large hands. “Zangief…”

“Oh, talk about a bias,” the sergeant cackled, knowing full and well the crush Ralph has on the Street Fighter. 

“Shut up,” the large man growled. “You asked for our opinions; he’s hot, alright?”

“He is,” Felix smiled, nodding. “You’ve got great taste, brother.”

Ralph squinted at the handyman, dubious. “Is there something else you’d like to tell us? Should I be worried?”

Felix shrugged, ending off with a playful wink as he pulled the brim of his cap back over his eyes. 

“What the fuck?” the wrecker mouthed to Calhoun as the handyman settled back into the couch cushions. What bothered him the most was that he didn’t know if the little guy was pulling his leg or not, given what he’d learned. Who was this person, and what had he done to the innocent good guy who danced the night away just hours before? 

All Tamora could offer up was a shrug of her own, a hearty chuckle escaping her lips as her husband began to snore.

[wastelandhell]

[nonjuxtaposed]

year of luigi lets gooo

[badlydrawnkurloz]

DRUNK KANKRI

[website-com]

what kind of personality is mario. he goes wahoo

[insomniacberry]

Can my brain maybe chill about the hyperfixation with Luigi/ Bowuigi because I'm at a First Letter Party and I'm dressed like Luigi - the brainrot is real what has Tumblr done to me

[thelynxnamedeco]

I don't believe ai art should be used for anything besides a giggle. It takes away from artists and hurts communities. I did this for fun, not because I think it replaced genuine breathing bleeding artists.

I might have some interior issues I need to discuss lol

[benzibox]

its snowing today! you know what that means!

[flowers-in-my-urethra]

Drunk driving mario kart >

[sitepathos]

From Gold to Mold

Chapter 1: The Change

“Happy birthday, to you,” your teacher, Mrs. Palmer, and classmates finish singing to you.

“Thank you, everyone,” you giggle, happy that everyone did something special for your birthday in the middle of class.

You’re now six-years-old and your Momma’s promised to take you to Little Luigi’s Pizza Place after school, where you’ll get to open your presents from her, as well as eat all the pizza you want and have a cookie pizza for free! You begged her to let you stay home, but she laughed and said that she had to meet her publisher for her upcoming book, but she promised that after she was done, she’d come check you out and the two of you would go celebrate your birthday.

You look up at the clock (good thing it’s digital, because you haven’t learned to read the old clocks yet!) and see that it’s almost time for lunch.

“Come on, Momma,” you mutter to yourself. “Get here, already.”

Seriously, you didn’t plan to eat lunch, so you didn’t bother packing lunch today!

Just then, the intercom above the door chimes.

“Mrs. Palmer,” the school secretary asks.

“Yes?”

“Can you please send Y/N Gould to the office, please? There’s someone here to see him.”

“Yes,” you cheer, making a few in the class laugh.

“Of course,” she responds before the device clicks off.

You grab your backpack and toss it over your back before rushing towards the door.

“Bye, Y/N,” one classmate says as you pass her.

“Happy birthday,” another says as you near the door.

“Enjoy your birthday, Y/N,” Mrs. Palmer says, her usual bright smile on her face. “We’ll see you tomorrow. Remember to have your worksheet done.”

And with that, you leave the room and skip down the hall to the main office, happy that your school is small so you don’t have to walk far. As you do, all you can think about is all the pizza you’re about to eat! And the chocolate chip cookie pizza that you get after that! And don’t forget about the presents! Maybe you’ll get the new Pokémon Platinum game for your DS, or a new stuffed animal, or maybe a new movie!

The suspense is practically tearing you apart and you enter the office, ready to greet your Momma when you see… Sheriff Foley. And he looks… sad. You look to the secretary, who’s standing behind him, and she has the same sad look.

“Y/N,” he says.

“Sheriff Foley,” you say, looking around to find Momma, but not finding her. “What’s wrong? Where’s Momma?”

“Son,” he says as the secretary begins to cry a bit. “I have some bad news.”

You feel a weird feeling in your stomach, like when you eat a bunch of ice cream and get sick, but this feeling is worse than that.

“What?”

“It’s about your momma. I got a call from the police in Vegas and they said there had been a car accident. Some drunk fool leaving a casino hit your mother’s car.”

You feel your heart stop at the words “hit” and “mother.”

“Is she ok,” you manage to say. “She’s at the hospital, right?”

The secretary’s crying becomes louder.

“I’m sorry, son,” he says, a tear falling from his eye. “He was going too fast when he hit her. She’s gone.”

“Gone? Like missing?” Now, you’re crying. “Why can’t they find her?”

“No, gone as in she’s no longer with us.”

“Like… she’s gone to heaven,” you whisper.

He nods and it’s then you feel your entire world collapse. You remember what Momma said about going to heaven when you saw a squirrel asleep on the side of the road. She’d said that he had gone to heaven after falling asleep and that he wouldn’t be waking up again. That he’d always be there.

“No,” you cry, tears and snot falling from your face. “No, she can’t be in heaven! She said she’d be here!”

Sheriff Foley takes you into his arms as you cry.

The next few days go by in a blur. You stay with Sheriff Foley and his wife until the funeral. Unfortunately, the accident was so bad that the casket had to stay closed, so you weren’t able to see her one last time before she’s put in her grave. The whole town of Goodsprings is there; she was an author writing best-selling romance novels set during the Age of Sail and a pillar of the community, so everyone wanted to be there to say their final goodbyes to her and their condolences to you.

You said nothing during the whole thing. You hadn’t said anything since Sheriff Foley told you that Momma had gone to heaven and that she wouldn’t be back. The only noise to leave you is the sound of crying.

“Y/N,” he says as you watch the grave be filled with dirt. “When we leave, we’ll have to go by your house. You need to pack anything you need.”

“Why,” you ask, your voice sore from crying for days.

“Because a man is waiting there for you and when you have everything you need, he’ll take you to McCarran Airport. From there, you’ll go to Gotham City in New Jersey.”

You couldn’t believe your ears, first you lose Momma and now you’re losing your home?

“Why do I have to leave,” you say, tears streaming down your face.

“Because the county did some checking and found your father through a DNA test.”

You freeze at that. Your Daddy?

“Momma, do I have a Daddy,” you asked her once.

“You do, baby, but he doesn’t know about you,” she answered. “We met years ago, back when Momma was young and dumb. When I found out I was having you, I couldn’t find him. That’s when I realized I had to act right.” She rubbed her hand through your hair. “It’s thanks to you that I’m not like that anymore.”

That conversation goes through your head as you ride back to your house. You’re actually going to meet your Daddy? When you pull up to your house you see a fancy car sitting in the driveway and an elderly man in a suit standing next to it, watching you as you get out.

“I’m sorry, who’re you,” Sheriff Foley asks.

“Alfred Pennyworth,” the man says, bowing a little. “Butler to the Wayne Family. I apologize, Sheriff, but I’m afraid Master Bruce was unable to get away. Urgent business at Wayne Enterprises demanded his attention.”

“More urgent than his son?”

You can see the butler slightly flinch at that, despite how good he tries to hide it.

“I understand your frustration. I expressed the same sentiments, but Master Bruce couldn’t be persuaded to leave the matter to Mr. Fox.” He looks down at you. “I trust this is young Master Y/N?”

You can’t help but duck behind the sheriff’s legs to hide from him.

“Yeah, this is him.”

“I’m glad to meet you, though I wish it was under more joyous circumstances. You have my most sincere condolences for your loss.”

“Thank you,” you say, looking down at the ground.

“Come on, son, let’s get all your stuff packed.”

The three of you spend the next hour packing all your toys and clothes into cardboard boxes. When asked about your bed, dresser, and other larger things, Alfred said a room had already been prepared for you with a king sized bed and a dresser with room for all your clothes and more.

“Should you require anything else, I will ensure Master Bruce provides it.”

“What will happen to the house,” you finally ask Sheriff Foley, afraid for what he would say.

“Your momma already paid off her house and her will said that everything that’s hers goes to you. For now, the county will care for it until you turn eighteen, which is when you can inherit it.”

Hearing that should’ve made you feel better, but it didn’t because you’d have to wait so long to come back and even then, Momma still wouldn’t be here. As the two adults packed up the last of the boxes in the fancy rental car, you slipped away into your Momma’s office at the back of the first story. You slide open the doors, expecting to see her at her desk, working on her latest story like you’d done so many times before, but this time, an empty room and silence greets you.

You enter her office and hop into the big revolving chair, her favorite perfume still lingering from the morning of your birthday. You look at the desk and find something that takes your breath away: her favorite gold ink pen. One day, you’d asked her why your last name was Gould and she’d told you that your family came from a long line of goldsmiths who once made jewelry and other small things for rich people. Momma’s Daddy still worked with metal, even after the family practice was shut down, and when she said she was going to become a writer, he made her a gold ink pen to bring her good luck. You pick it up, looking at the beautiful design, and begin to tear up.

She carried it everywhere she went, so seeing it here cements the fact that she’s not coming back. Maybe if she wasn’t in a big hurry that morning, she would’ve remembered to take it with her and the accident never would’ve happened. And she’d still be here with you.

“Y/N,” the Sheriff says as he enters the office. “We finished packing everything. Are you ready to go?”

You want to say no and refuse to leave, but you know that you can’t stay here. You quietly pocket the pen and follow him to the car, where Alfred waits for you.

“Alright, son, be good for Mr. Pennyworth here. Do what he says and be a good boy like your momma taught you.” He gives you a hug and you wish it would never end, because then you’d never have to leave your home. “You’ll be back before you know it, and your home will be here waiting for you.”

A with that, you get into the car with Mr. Pennyworth and begin the drive to the airport. You use the mirror to see your house one last time, seeing it get smaller and smaller until it’s out of sight.

“I know this is sudden after the loss of your mother, but I promise Master Bruce and I will do everything we can to make Wayne Manor a home for you.”

“What’s it like?”

“The manor? It’s a large estate with a long and storied history that dates back to the early days of Gotham. There’s plenty of rooms for you to explore.”

“And what about my Daddy? What’s he like?”

“Master Bruce is a skilled businessman and one of Gotham’s biggest socialites. He’s also the adoptive father of Masters Dick and Jason.”

“He already has kids? Would they be my brothers?”

You’d heard of several of your classmates having older and younger siblings and had thought about having a brother or a sister. What would it be like to carry around someone younger than you or be care for by someone older than you.

“Master Dick would be your older brother, but he’s now living at the manor right now. He’s off finding himself right now, but I have no doubt that he’ll be back one day.”

“What about Jason?”

Mr. Pennyworth frowns at your words and you feel afraid that you’ve said something wrong.

“Master Jason would be your older brother, as well, but he was taken from us. With any luck, he and your mother have met one another.”

Oh…

“When did he go to heaven?”

“He left us a few months ago, but it feels just like yesterday.”

And with that, the talk is over. You two arrive at the airport and after the butler returns the rental car, he guides you to the gate where a private jet awaits the two of you. You can’t help but be amazed that you’re riding in a private jet that looks so much better than the ones you’ve seen on tv. You sit in one of the seats and it’s way softer than your bed.

“Master Y/N, we’re getting ready for takeoff,” the butler says as he puts his seatbelt on. “Put your seatbelt on.”

You do as you’re told and before you know it, you feel the jet begin to move. You hurry to look out the window to see everything moving past before the jet begins to fly. You stare out the window, watching Nevada, the state you’ve called home, get smaller and smaller until you’re above the clouds, unable to see anything, even the massive buildings of the Strip, which could be seen for miles.

It’s then you realize that this is real, that you’re leaving everything you’ve ever known and won’t be back for years and tears begin to fall from your face. You’ve spent the last few days crying so much that you’d think that you’d think that you would run out of tears, but apparently not. Not wanting to disturb Mr. Pennyworth, you face the window and bite your lower lip to stop making noises.

Somehow the flight seemed to be both long lasting and not long enough, because eventually, you saw a city show up below you. You squint your eyes to get a better look through the smog and see many tall buildings, all of the having those scary stone creatures you saw on a movie once.

“Welcome to Gotham City, Master Y/N.”

A/N: I’m hoping to make this a series that sees somewhat regular updates, but don’t quote me on that. I’ve been getting back into Resident Evil and I look up Yandere Batfamily stuff on this site so much it’s not even funny. Sorry if the first chapter was so long, but I thought if the first chapter was long enough, people would forgive me if future chapters are a bit lacking. Also, this series is heavily influenced by several of my favorite users, like @acid-ixx , @gotham-daydreams , @luludeluluramblings , and @darkstaria . You should totally check them all out.

[legobiwan]

For the drabble prompt list

"none of this is your fault" mario and luigi

Drabbles, they said, Ha! I answered. Anyway, I have no idea where this came from, but enjoy this barely-edited not-drabble. I am apparently incapable of concise writing right now :D

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“None of this is your fault, Lou.”

Luigi scoffed, pushing dampened sleeves up both arms, smearing dark, sweaty grease across his skin in wide, impressionistic lines.

“You tell that to Toadsworth in three days. I’m sure he’ll be happy to believe you,” Luigi groused, tightening a stubborn, thick bolt with a violent twist. That should keep the engine boosters from flying off at speeds exceeding thirty miles an hour. (Or as they were counted in the Mushroom Kingdom, five hundred and two mycelia per second, a measuring system so opaque - and infuriating - that Luigi had sat through an entire five-hour Toad Council meeting just so he could petition the government to introduce a bill to launch a public vote on switching to any other quantifier that made a modicum of sense. The notion, of course, was voted down in a manner of seconds. Tradition, Mister Luigi, Toadsworth had sniffed, rapping his long-handled gavel with an imperious gesture, closing off all debate on the matter).

Snobby old toad could stuff it up his spore holes.

“He’ll get over it,” Mario said. “What’s he going to do, anyway? Make us sit through another boring state dinner?”

Luigi poked at a serpentine belt that resembled some slices of old cheese he once found in the back of their fridge in Brooklyn. How these guys managed to stay competitive with equipment in this condition was a complete slap in the face to basic physics.

“You like those dinners.” Luigi crawled out from under the dented chassis, sitting back on his haunches as he gestured at his brother with a ratchet-wrench, making curly patterns in the air as if he were a Magikoopa casting a spell.

“I hate those dinners as much as you. They’re hot, stuffy, and the food is an insult to the entirety of Brooklyn. It’s not my fault I get to sit next to Peach and you’re always stuck with Lady Maitake and her hundreds of onion bulb-pup photos for two hours.”

“Don’t remind me. Did you know she’s trying to train them to do circus acts and take them on the road?” Luigi ran a finger down one of the dusty schematics strewn about the stone floor. “Hand me that spanner, will you?”

Mario shook his head, chuckling, handing off the hooked tool to Luigi, who shimmied once more underneath the maroon-and-black kart. “Look, you got hoodwinked into a bad contract. I should have looked over the fine print before you signed.”

“You’re not my keeper, Mario,” Luigi grumbled, trying to keep the irritation out of his voice. “And it’s not even the contract that I care about. Frankly, I’m impressed Bowser’s been able to get these things to do anything beyond cough up smoke and crash into the nearest palm tree. It’s a good challenge to get them running again.”

“So what’s the issue, then?”

Luigi stilled, his hands guts-deep in a mess of wiring and cables that looked like an earthworm graveyard. After a moment, he sighed, letting the spanner tool clatter to the floor with a bright, metallic jangle. 

“The issue,” he began, staring up at the internal electronic system of one of Bowser’s so-called best racing karts. “Is that he’s probably going to win. Bowser, that is. And everyone will make nice about it at the awards ceremony and Bowser will get too drunk on elderflower wine and get kicked out of the post-race party.”

“That happens every race, Lou.”

“Yeah, but you know Bowser. He’ll let it slip that I was the one doing repairs on his karts. And then in the morning, there will be a meeting. And Toadsworth will go on about the standing of the Kingdom being compromised and it being a diplomatic catastrophe that we allowed Bowser to win and that,” Luigi adopted a whiny, pompous voice. “Mr. Luigi has once again strained his credibility within the Mushroom Kingdom.” 

“Look, that stodgy old Toad has no chance of making those charges stick. You were exonerated, Weeg. Nothing that happened with Bleck - “ Mario clenched his fists, hissing through his teeth. “Nothing that happened in that place was you. That wasn’t your fault, and neither is this.”

Luigi reached towards one of the dangling battery coils, playing with the violet and yellow wires between his fingers. “Sure,” he breathed. “Not me.”

“Not you,” Mario insisted, his voice steely. “And besides,” he continued, a hint of humor creeping into his words. If you’re so concerned about Toadsworth, why don’t you sabotage Bowser’s fleet?”

Luigi pushed himself out from under the kart, snapping up to a seat in wide-eyed horror.

“And ruin my reputation as an engineer? No way, bro. I’ll risk the treason charges, thank you very much.”

Mario guffawed, ambling over to take a seat next to his brother, the two coming shoulder-to-shoulder, backs set against the passenger door of the Koopa Coupe. “I think your reputation is beyond reproach, Lou.” Mario gave a small, uncertain smile. “After all, you did build two killer robots in the span of two weeks.”

It was a huge step forward, just being able to talk about the whole incident in Flipside, no less joke about it - the ordeal with Bleck and the jester and Luigi’s brainwashing. Mario had stayed tight-lipped about the entire debacle for weeks after they had gotten back, much to Luigi’s aggravation, until things came to a head one night due to a series of ill-conceived plans on the part of the Toad Council, the most brazen of which featured a misserved cup of tea laced with a dubiously legal truth potion.

Luigi sniffed out half a chuckle, nudging his brother in the shoulder. “Well, I can’t let Bowser think I’m slipping, right?”

Mario eyed his brother carefully, his features brightening as he caught the note of mischief in Luigi’s voice. Grinning, he clapped his brother on the knee. “You’ve got an idea, don’t you? The Old Koopa King doesn’t know what he’s got coming.”

Luigi straightened, composing himself into the picture of innocence. “Dear brother, I am a man of my word. Bowser will win the race, just like the contract stipulates.”

“And?”

“Aaand,” Luigi drew out the word, schematics and thermodynamic equations taking shape in his mind. “Let’s say the engine modifications I’m making happen to engage a set of rocket boosters at a certain speed threshold. Bowser’ll like that. But then maybe the activation of those boosters, given a certain location and time input, temporarily cede control of the brakes and steering to a pre-programmed route of the engineer’s choosing.” Luigi paused for dramatic effect. “All after the race is finished, of course. No injuries. No harm. Just a little post-race joyride through the forest.”

Mario gave a joyous whoop, bringing his brother into a tight, side-hug. “They’ll hear him screaming all the way in Rogueport! Ha! You know he’ll threaten to invade during the after-party! No one will care if you worked on his kart once he shows back up breathing smoke!”

“He’ll do that regardless,” Luigi laughed, feeling lighter than he had in weeks. “But you know how these modifications are. Always a chance of overburdening your circuits.”

“And at least it’ll be a while before he tries to trick you into doing his dirty work again,” Mario added.

“I hope so.” Luigi placed a warm hand on his brother’s shoulder, smiling. “Thanks, Mario.”

Mario beamed back at his brother, playfully flicking the brim of Luigi’s hat. “Come on, Lou. Show me how to build a sentient robot race kart.”

~~~~~

Drabble writing challenge: Make me sweat!

[incorrectsmashbrosquotes]

So, how's the Mansion taking the news about the Minecraft movie?

Mario: ...Where's Steve?

Luigi: Creative mode. It's where he goes to escape his problems.

Mario: And Alex?

Peach: Drunk off her ass, relieved that she's not in this movie.

Mario: Leroy the Enderman? Carl the Creeper?

Bowser: In Travis' magical Hammer-Space dumpster.

Mario: Alright, then Steve's the biggest problem. All we need-

Luigi: He's remaking the movie. Already.

Mario: What?

Luigi: He's remaking the movie in Minecraft out of spite. We can't help him Mario.

Mario: ...No. My friend needs me right now.

Peach: Don't you think this is a little unfair? We haven't even seen the movie yet. Sure there's some bad visuals and it looks a little cringe, but it'll probably be just an average kids movie.

Mario: That's the problem.

Peach: ...what?

Mario: Minecraft is about endless creativity. Endless potential. The ability to do, make, and build anything so long as you have the drive and passion. So long as you have the love to make it. A soulless corporate cash-grab vessel of mediocrity? That's about the worst thing a Minecraft movie could be.

Peach: ...I understand. *hikes up her skirts and marches off* Let's go help out friends.

Bowser: FUCK YEAH!