#drawing for a decade and a half still dont know what im doing

[egggargler]

Dumb Samalex content for the void thx to @benjineedssleep infecting me /pos

[carzstarz]

oopsie this was supposed to be under a readmore

i feel this thing lately (as in a long time) where i guess it can be boiled down to "i want to be transgender one day" which its like. ive known myself to be transgender since i was 15, as in i had the feeling of "i wish i was a boy instead" since much earlier in life but didnt know about the term for it until i was 15 back in like 2011. i knew of crossdressing and had a fixation on it (i had a lot of ocs that were crossdressers, but upon learning about transgenderism i made em all trans instead) and like i sat with this idea since i was 15, this idea it would be impossible for me to transition in any meaningful way you know. i had figured i would never be able to go on hrt or get a name change or even present myself as anything beyond "that thing is a tomboy probably" so i stuck the idea of top surgery and testosterone out of my mind as completely as i could. annihilated any desire for it, feeling that would be a better solution than to be stuck with any perpetual longing for a body i cant have. and for a long time that did help get through the day i think, but after about a decade it caught up with me. as in like i am completely estranged from my family (not neccessarily by choice but its a win in an unsatisfactory way) and im faced with the reality of hrt being something i can just up and do. but it was several years of anytime i started to consider it, i was given countless reasons for why it would only worsen me, but now i dont think it would worsen me. this also means being face to face with dysphoria i had been ignoring for the better half of the last 10 years.

but transitioning became a very like, luxurious thought i couldnt afford to acknowledge. i have spent the better half of the last 10 years dealing with debilitating psychosis that tore me apart from the inside out, every moment im awake. even in my sleep i was plagued with disgusting and terrifying nightmares on top of insomnia. there wasnt any spare room in my mind to think of my gender when i hardly felt alive, barely felt human. which is something im not sure how to really talk about despite how much i do talk about my experience with schizophrenia. and also with the hard hard haaaard decline of my physical health took up the rest of my thoughts it seemed. of being in immense pain all the time, too painful to stand or walk, unable to do that unassisted. being in the tower, unable to traverse stairs. my chest pain, my struggles to get doctors in the first place and then to get them to acknowledge this chest pain that left me immobilized for the better half of a year. pain so immense i thought it would kill me, pain so immense i couldnt lift a cup to my face, couldnt sit up enough to draw or even hold my phone. pain that still lingers, and seems to come back harder the moment i feel i can try and apply for work, almost like its reminding me thats out of reach. but i dont think its forever, i think theres still hope of either lessening the pain or overcoming it. ive abandoned this post for hours ive lost my train of thought. thoughts i want to share even of it just means they arent circling inside of me. i feel very disconnected from it all, its like the world is spinning without me, and now that im on the cusp of rejoining it, it feels like i missed enough that i cant understand it anymore, but that just happens sometimes.

again this feeling of "i want to be transgender" but theres always something more pressing, like just struggling to be alive and generally alone with it. detatched from myself too, that im wondering if im the same person i was before this. before the tower, which is what i call the little blue room i stayed in between moving for several months that i was in too much pain to leave. theres just has to be something about staring at the same walls of someone elses bedroom with no way to entertain myself because the pain was too much to even sit upright in. i listened to a lot of new music which was nice, but because the music i had enjoyed sounded wrong on the crummy old tv we picked up from the dump and had very distorted speakers. and it felt weird to me to hear songs i knew in a different way. in which music was something i liked to fixate on, since silence would usually lead to me experiencing more intense delusions/ hallucinations, and so i always had to have sound playing to stave this off. but the experience of so much solitude in such extreme pain i couldnt even speak sometimes its like. i have to talk about it it waa so much of my life now but i feel like im not supposed to. even still when i get stressed at all it can make the pain worsen but its been getting less intense overtime but im still scared of the pain returning even if lesser. every now and then i try drawing again but its gonna take a long time to rebuild my skills and then theres the problem of what would i draw. i spent the last few years mostly drawing sonic-adjacent furries and it brought me joy like no other special interest, but now i mostly feel sick looking through my art of like. is this what i want to draw? do i still like it? i feel like i had my special interest ripped from me and it sucks. of these characters i held really dear to myself but then i had this messed up health crisis and now its like everything just feels bad, like this is someone elses art, someone elses favorite games, someone elses favorite characters. which like interests come and go but it felt like i didnt get a choice in this. it feels like the pain just rewired myself. the way i see myself is like i was entering some sort of chrysalis, and was about to grow into myself fully, and it took years and years of hating myself and slowly slowly learning to love myself and to show myself compassion, but then my body caved in on itself in my cocoon. and a butterfly didnt come out, it just fell to the side in all its agony and writhing, and i am the walking chrysalis. change (in the house of flies)

i had been considering going by a different name for a long time now, and now it feels like the best opportunity to use a new name since i dont feel like the same person anymore. it feels like even the anxiety was beaten out of me. or at least the isolation just made it into something else now. never felt like i was meant for the world, and it seemed like the world didnt want me in it either, and it succeeded. but maybe i can join as someone new, but i really wanted to be able to be myself in the world but i think i always knew that wasnt an option. i do think i died in some way and i am on my second chance as someone else, and i dont think i will be lucky enough to get another chance. or it all doesnt mean anything, but reaching into myself i can tell it isnt what it once was.

[dogsplayingpoker]

Idk it is so horrifying how much palestine does rrally seem to start ajd end as a supportive sticker on a water bottle for so many people. Just a story like bloglikeanegyptian was writing about. Idk. Im not trying to necessarily talk sgit about any individual i work with or pass by that has the stickers the t shirts etc etc. Because i dont know what else they do or how deep they are in stuff. But like, the existence of the holocuast commemorative merch in itself. The artists drawing one more bird carrying poppies and olive branches.......i dont know. I picture the xrays of bullets in kids heads, babies crushed nearly in half under rubble, and then these bird stickers. The idea that we need to "create 8mages to rally around" when we have those is troubling i think. Even "images of hope or solidarity" when we have decades of palestinian art, photos of the beautiful landscape, pjotos of the beautiful surviving people forced to ask you for help every day. At what point is it all just virtue signalling by people who dont actually want to do anything. How self important, honestly, does one have to be to add their bird carrying olives to the pile akd them move on as if that did anything. How fundamentally greedy does someone have to be to need little sticker rewards or print or some physical token of one measelly donation in order to be convinced to give anything. Or maybe its mainly the fear of not signaling the right virtues visually enough, which is still just disgusting

[trickstarbrave]

omg okay that's adorable. more thoughts on obsidian and his mom if you have any more to give?

yknow i dont think i have any more ansa bits but i have his bio mom's info and other things. warning of spoilers

>current working name is vuriiaaz, which means dawn, essence, mercy

>scales were a mix of white and red but tbh i should just bite the bullet and draw her in dragon form

>supported alduin's right to rule tho not rly his tyranny. he kinda lost his marbles a little after his wife was murdered, as you do when ur a god. her perspective was akatosh's ability to rule was compromised, so. if you cant be king it goes to your firstborn (alduin) and also alduin as really strong, and if you're strong then you're right to dragons. this was also before they hooked up so it wasn't bias or power seeking (though that might have played a part in it if she was LMAO)

>duty was supposed to be preventing and fixing time wounds and dragon breaks as akatosh foresaw those being an issue. was supposed to be in charge of all the ladies doing that as he quickly realized some organization might be good for that. uhhhhh then she died. bet akatosh was mad abt that come the huge ass first era dragon break huh

>yknow i havent considered yet what killed her. like ive covered she was purposefully murdered but uhhhhh im working on that. uncle shenanigans are more funny to me so thats what i have in my brain all the time

>had her most loyal priests take the eggs individually to hide them away, fearing if they were altogether they would be found and destroyed. was right and most of the dragon priests over time were hunted down with the eggs destroyed.

>one hid away in a tomb though attempting to hatch the egg for an heir to alduin's reign. didnt work since alduin was MIA from the elder scroll and vuriiaaz was kinda not alive and one of the parents has to be around to hatch it

>dragon eggs are surprisingly hard to destroy so i think they had to be like. destroyed via magic

>pre-hatching the dragons are in a weird form of soul stasis. if not actively incubated they just kinda remain temporarily frozen. then start back up again once they are. this means there can be wildly different incubation periods ranging from like, months to decades, usually around a couple of years as dragons have shit to do.

>obsidian doesnt know why he doesn't have siblings. kinda bummed abt it. but could you imagine ansa juggling multiple dragon babies that would be hilarious they would burn down riften if she left them alone too long

>baby dragons stay little for a relatively decent amount of time. when theyre like, teenagers they are still half the size of big dragons. then their power starts to really grow as they master their thuum and they hit a massive growth spurt and become Big (adult) dragons. sometimes they can be stuck in their awkward teenage phase for decades or even centuries in theory but they wont get big until they learn and mature. this makes it in theory convenient to carry them around but ansa is probably gonna learn that convenient for a dragon is prob going to quickly become not convenient for a mortal.

>until dragons become adults they aren't given the same rights as adults. still have to listen to their parents, and are their parent's responsibility. if someone's kid offends someone higher up, it'll be their parents paying for it. dragons are strict on hierarchy after all. this also means little ones and teenagers can't seriously challenge anyone, not even other little younglings, though you will see them practicing with their voice or sometimes bullying younger ones

>typically dragons wait until all their babies grow up before having another clutch, if they wanna. there are exceptions like if a clutch is very small, a lot of dragons have died recently, etc. it's just hard to juggle like 5 kids with more on the way. though its not uncommon to wait until the first clutch is like, teenagers to try for another round of babies.

oh wait i have an ansa fact:

>has no memories before the age of 5. she isn't bothered by this whatsoever and thinks this is totally normal, to the horror and confusion of everyone else.

[patchmenow]

I usually dont do stuff like this, but i feel like i have to say it somewhere:

Disclaimer:

This has been written in a tired fit of anger. My thoughtprocess might not be easy to follow, as my brain is half dead rn. I am not attacking anyone, nor am I calling specific people out here. This is about a behaviour I have seen on multiple occasions from, too many to count, Twitter users.

(Please ignore grammatical errors, Im very tired)

If you dont like an art piece, don't be an ass about it.

For context: I've been on Twitter (X or whatever) going through some tags i frequent to have a look at the amazing art the community graces the platform with. Found a drawing that had been posted a good while ago and only like 10-ish likes. I wrote a comment on how i thought it looked insanely good. I come back to my phone having a message from Twitter, that someone answered to my comment. "What do you mean that looks so ugly"

I hate these comments, i really do. They make me unreasonably angry, even if it hasn't been on my own art.

For the people who see art, don't like it, and their first thought is "I don't like this, i'll share with the world how ugly it is": Please don't. Im not telling anyone to shut up and Im most definitely do not forbid you to share your opinion. What I am asking is that you try not to be so crude in your commenting, if you feel the need to share your thoughts.

A simple "This is ugly" is neither helpful to the artist or you. Such unthoughtful, in the moment, comments shoot down so many starting artists, whose skills, realistically, aren't on par with maybe that one artist you know that has been drawing for decades. But you might also hurt yourself in the process. There are so many people on Twitter who might hound you for insulting an artist they enjoy and might even go far beyond than a simple "you're wrong" (There is a very high chance that replys won't be as nice as my example. It is Twitter after all.)

The point that Im trying to make is:

Be nice and take a minute to think how your actions affect others, even if it's on the internet.

If you really want to share your thoughts on an artpiece you don't really like, try finding something you do like about it. Perhaps you like the colours? Maybe the scene that the artist was going for is something fresh and new? Perhaps even just the idea of the piece in question is something you enjoyed and start your comment with what you did like. And maybe try to describe *why* you dont like certain parts of their art.

Constructive criticism is the most welcome form of criticism. (or so I say)

If you can explain (or even just try to) why you dont like a certain aspect and then give an example on how it could be fixed, your comments can be a lot more helpful! It shows that you took your time to really look at the art and makes your criticism a lot more likely to be acknowledged and applied to the next piece!

In general: Let's all be a little nicer on the internet, because even if everyone is basically anonymous, the aftereffects of our words can have tremendous effects on others, it does not matter if we see the aftermath or not, it still happens. Insults from faceless strangers you might never know, still sting.

Again:

This has been written in a tired fit of anger. My thoughtprocess might not be easy to follow, as my brain is half dead rn. I am not attacking anyone, nor am I calling specific people out here. This is about a behaviour I have seen on multiple occasions from, too many to count, Twitter users.

P.S. I am aware that stuff like this is so very common on Twitter and that yes, I am probably at fault for getting angry at this, because I keep using that forsaken app. Most likely, my post is not the first, nor the only, one about this topic. I simply felt like I needed to say it aswell.

P.P.S. I am also aware that I am not immune to writing rash comments or other various types of posts, in fits of strong emotion. This entire post is one such product.

[blackvail22]

9/17/23 — 12:14am

while looking for a plain canvas, i found my 1st grade year book and just looking at the pictures in it makes me want to sob. i havent healed from my childhood, and i dont know what to do to heal that inner child

none is this is fair. i was doomed from the start. none of its going to get better but i have to stay alive... i just dont understand why

i remember a few weeks ago at one of my shot appointments, my nurse asked me if i was going to college. i told her i might, but idk what to go for. she said "well, do u have any passions" and i hesitated and said "no.. not really" because i dont think im passionate about anything. i dont know why i was put on earth... i just hope it was for a good reason

9/17/23 — 12:37am

while looking through a bunch of my old stuff, ive been reading this diary-thing i had in 2020 and there was a poem in it. i dont remember writing it, but i feel like i have to share it with you

"you.

i look you up and down and wish you were dead

its a normal thing to happen

this has gone on for more than half a decade

who will fix you?

who will revive you?

who will take the homocidal thoughts out of your mind?

i look at you and see a black screen

your future isnt so bright and

neither are you

no wonder no one loves you

you cant love others and you cant love yourself

maybe you should end it all in december

make the season just as cold

make everyone just as blue"

its not the best poem ever, but it killed me when i realized i wrote this about myself. i believe i told u this, but i planned to end it in december 2020. i decided this on jan 1st of that year... it was my "new years resolution" i ended up not ... doing it because we started to talk again in august that year, and talking to you frequently made me rethink it. i think about it all the time... what wouldve happened if i did do it then? people would think i did it because of covid, but that wasnt the case at all. i was planting things around my room for people to find when i passed and they had to go through my things. most of it were things in my books... i made a drawing when i was contemplating in 2019, and i put it in a book i have about someone offing themselves. i wrote something in sumarian (an ancient language i learned in early middle school), but i threw away the guide i had so people would have to so research to read it. it says "whats the point of living anyway?" i still have everything planted in my books. i still have the letters i wrote, too... i didnt finish all of the ones i wanted to make, but i have one for my sisters and my mom and, of course, my ex girlfriend

my heart feels so heavy tonight. i just wish i had someone to talk to

[trademarkhubris]

on a more personal note

[miscellaneous--bones]

shows everyone this oc i made n folks love her and then 2 minutes later come out with new ocs that im even more obsessed with like haha sike sorry. i was gonna wait until i had more drawings of howl but ive already been sittin on em a couple days so yk

anyway these are what came from that doodle page mess from a minute ago, goose was the first but i needed an oc who would work to be shipped w snatcher so then i made howl and decided there were 5 of them. they're supposed to be mostly borzoi/italian greyhound mixes? idk. either way they run on ahit rules but i might use em in other places too idk yet. Summary of their characters are below the cut

so they're a litter of 5 and no one is keeping track of whose oldest or youngest or whatever

unusual i know but i also cant figure out where i want them to be anyway so shut ur face

we'll just go left to right from the top

somewhere on her travels goose ran into hk and bow and was worried about these strange children being alone in space so she decided to come with them and like they arent gonna complain about their new dog

shes not the best with other people but she takes good care of them both and keeps them protected and fed and whatnot.

it works its cute

shes the only one who has a collar because shes the only one who has a person out of her siblings

nk n then howl! howls got a lot going on

they got a fairly dinky ship when they left it was sturdy enough but like not Good good yk

and at some point way before hattie and bow and goose end up there, they pass over harbor because theyre tryna figure out if they wanna stop for a supply run or not and the mafia shows up n makes trouble ofc

she gets the mafia to leave her alone but in the process ends up crash landing somewhere near subcon (not sure if its like in the woods or just off the borders but close enough either way)

in the crash tho, a bunch of time pieces shatter n get fucked up and end up scattered across time

she has to go through and try to clean all THAT up because plain n simple those things are hard to get and just leaving a jumbled mess like that it Very Not Safe

in this whole debacle her family dont know whats happened and the ship is kind of undocumented because the crash basically happened forever ago but also it hasnt yet but also it never did?? so like. shes missing for a good decade before shes finally back to her present (by this time hat n bow have come n gone so she missed goose anyway)

while she was going through time collecting time peices, she got in whole heeps of trouble and while its only been 10 years in her present it feels like its been at least 50

shes gotten acused of witchcraft, cursed about 5 times over, there was that one time she was thrown in a dungeon for 7 years for disrespecting a king or something

point is they came back fucked up

they're half undead and their soul is a little bit missing because someone stole it at some point and they only barely got it back a little bit. also cursed to be tied to shadows so being in the sun too long isnt very good for them.

ive also been playing with the idea they were cursed to live either other people's spirits and energies OR their flesh. not sure which yet

i do feel like it'd be nice if they and snatcher could end out with a deal where he eats the souls and she eats the bodies. or something

this whole change of theirs is supposed to be shown by them loosing their white on their face. theyre the one laying down in the last drawings which is supposed to be them while their in college years and shes got her white face. she looses it when she gets all tied up in the darkness thing. she also gets taller than her siblings they were the shortest originally

neway im till daydreaming abt the whole thing so yk

the other siblings are less important but still cute

duke is also an astronaut but his explorations tend to go better apparently. he comes home with a cute alien boyfriend later

paris owns a boutique that brandy helps her out with- they stayed on their home planet together with their parents when the others went to space.

speaking of, brandy is rlly nice

aside from her different markings which always set her apart real nice shes also trans. so grew up a little bit othered but still very very loved and also her and paris are besties obvi

brandy is good i like her a lot. i think shes be like second eldest if not eldest eldest if i had a real order there

her and howl bond over having different markings from the otherwise when howl finally gets home :)

[kewltie]

thinking of bkdk in their late 40s when all their friends have already settled down with a family, izuku muses a lil forlornly how he would like to have someone to come home and katsuki just stares him dead in the eyes and says, "marry me then. i wont let you be lonely in that empty apartment."

the thing is bkdk are super successful heroes, they're the ranking no.1 and 2 and everyone knows their name but because izuku put so much effort into his career he never give himself the chance to meet someone and fall in love because the next things he know he's already 48 yrs old and still very single. as soon as he got right out of UA he had put himself right to work and hasn't truly stop since so izuku feels like he misses out on his youth, the flutter of first love, and now he feels like it's too late to grasp that chance again because he's too old to be stumbling around at love BUT here is katsuki suddenly telling izuku to marry him as though that would solve everything, solve izuku's worries and fears that he'll never experience love the way his friends had or knows what it feels to come home to a waiting arms that will comfort him after a hard day at work.

izuku first tries to laugh it off because katsuki cant be serious right?? but katsuki doesn't crack a single smile. "Do i look like im the type to joke about this kind shit to you?" he asks, voice steady and true. it is then that izuku realizes katsuki had meant every word he said.

but izuku still cant wrap his head around why would katsuki want to marry him of all things?? it is because they're both bachelor and wretchedly alone standing at the very top of their career where nobody can touch or hope to nobody can understand them like they do to each other?? izuku thinks that's a very dry reason to marry someone for the sake of convenience and not love at all because even though he'd devoted all his time to saving the world and helping ppl and HE'S OLD NOW but he still earnestly yearn to fall in love the ways all his friends had.

"If you needed company, we don't have to marry each other. I'm here for you always, you know that," izuku offers instead. "We're partners."

katsuki is silent briefly, then, he says, "You think i want to marry because you're convenience?"

Izuku blinks. "is that not it?"

"No," he says, all grave and serious, and for a moment izuku is breathless with realization.

"Oh," izuku replies, looking down at the table like it has all the answer in the world. "how long?"

"Since our third year at UA."

izuku jerks his head up, eyes wide with shock.

"what—I, wait, you can't mean that right?" he shakes his head as he flounders for the right words. they're both almost hitting their 50s now, so if it started in their third year then it would be 30 years of katsuki waiting for him, of pining over izuku and all that time was lost because of it.

katsuki press his lips into a thin line. "I have never lie to you."

"I—I'm not—" izuku flushes, because this wasn't anything he had plan for. who would anyway? no one would ever believe that katsuki has been in love with him for almost 30 years and izuku only found out about it now. even though katsuki has revealed the secret he has been hiding for 3 decades, izuku has no answer for him. he didn't notice katsuki's feelings for this long not because he chose to willfully ignore it but because he has never thought of katsuki in that light and that is the sad truth of it all. katsuki must have realizes that too because he doesn't press for more from izuku.

"i'm sorry," izuku says, mind racing to come up with a proper reply to katsuki's feelings because he deserves that much. "it's not you—"

Katsuki scowls. "shut the fuck up, don't even start that with me."

izuku quickly shuts his mouth, floundering for another reply that with save both of their feelings.

"Six months," katsuki says instead, eyes firm and never once dull since izuku has known him. "give me six months to convince you and if it doesn't work out we can get divorce then."

"you still want to marry me?!" izuku asks in disbelief. "shouldn't we like date first at least? isn't that how normal relationship work?!"

katsuki roll his eyes. "we co-own an agency, you have your toothbrush at my house, and we spent 18hrs out of 24 together almost everyday. our friends joke about us being a married to each other as much as to our work, we're each other's first emergency contact if something were to happen," he continues, straightforward like he's listing their grocery for today, "and i cant ever imagine wanting anyone more than i ever want you."

throughout this strange turn in their conversation, izuku realizes not once has he ever heard katsuki said he loves him but the way katsuki had revealed his unwavering devotion that lasts 3 decades and the dry, bluntness in which he spoken of wanting izuku, it's heavy. this hefty thing that katsuki has carried with him for nearly 3 decades, and in those years what izuku thought katsuki was just disinterest in any romantic connection because not once had izuku seen him look at another person, but it's because he has eyes only for izuku and nobody else.

izuku should have known never to expect anything less then 120% with katsuki because if there's anything that means something to katsuki, he would give it all and then some. it's humbling really, to be loved so fiercely and with such devotion that 3 decades is worth every second of it but izuku doesn't know if he's worth it especially when he's hesitant about his own murky feelings. he loves katsuki undoubtedly. they're partners in more way then one, but he doesn't know if he can love katsuki the way he deserves to be love in return, to return that same level of intensity.

"and what if the six months went by and there's nothing show for it?" izuku mumbles, hands clasp together under the table. i dont want to ruin this friendship of ours, he doesn't say. "what if you get bored with me and realized this isn't something you want now. what happen then?"

"you're stuck with me for life even if we get a divorce. i won't let you ever get rid of me either way," katsuki says, lips twitching with the slightest hint of amusement. "and if you're worry about me getting bored of you, don't. i fucking wont." It’s firm, assured, and completely sincere.

izuku thinks anybody with a half a brain at all would see this admirable man right in front of them with his unwavering affection and devotion that he had nurtured for 3 decades would be half way in love already, but izuku neither race or skip a beat; it remains dull and unmoved. maybe he's really too old to love like this. maybe, it's not that he's too busy to ever search for it like everyone else but because he has all the love for everyone but none ever hold a special place in his heart. for all of katsuki's sharp edges, his feelings burn ever so brightly while izuku has since been numb to his own emotions. to give too much to the world, to his job that he has never let himself fall freely and unconditionally. it's terrifying.

"what if i hurt you instead?" he says, quiet and severe. "what if in the end i couldn't return what you've given me?"

katsuki doesn't answer right away. the air around them tenses, threatening to suffocate them in the waiting silence. then a hand grab his and draws it toward katsuki's chest. "don't fucking underestimate me, idiot. i can and will make you fall in love with me in 6 months. 6 months is more than enough to make you realize what a fucking dumbass you have been the entire time for not taking notice of me while i have been looking at you for almost half of our life," he says with the cocky assurance that propelled him to the no. 2 position and beyond.

for the first time since this exchange had started and taken a strange, strange turn that left him his world shaken to its core, izuku's heart feels lighten. He stifles a giggle. "i still think we should date at least. marriage is maybe jumping the gun a little too soon."

"No." Katsuki's eyes narrow, and he squeezes izuku's hand firmly. "i'm not giving you any chance to escape from this. we can do all the dumb dating things you could ever want but we're getting marry first."

izuku tries to draw his hand back but katsuki remains undeterred. "Kacchan, please," he says. half begging for his hand back and half pleading against his insane idea. who in their right mind would ever marry first then date each other?! That's just not how it work! yet, katsuki is an unmovable fortress against increasing izuku's distress.

"deku," he says, thumb running across izuku's knuckles in a soothing circle, "give me this chance. let me prove it to you that i can do it. take this leap of faith with me and i won't disappoint you. trust me with your heart like you trust me with your life and i promise i will keep it safe."

izuku draws out a long, lingering breath that leaves his head heady with a dawning realization. "o-okay," he finally acquiesces, shaken with the knowledge that his heart suddenly doesn't feel safe at all for the first time in a long time in the hands of the man in front of him. bakugou katsuki is dangerous, but to the tender beat of his heart.

Katsuki's lips stretch upward into a small, precious smile that rarely see the light of day, leaving izuku breathless just for a moment. "we'll go get the marriage license tomorrow."

"tomorrow?!" izuku shrieks.

maybe he has been wrong all along, maybe you're never too old fall in love and experience it for the first time and that sometimes the things that matter the most to you are always worth the wait even if take 3 decades and katsuki always been more patient then people give him credits for.

[sterlingarcher]

whats so funny is that my end of the argument when it comes to gerard and drawing the parallels of how i watch him being treated by people vs how i watch brendon being treated and my thoughts on all of it always comes down to “but i recognize and acknowledge these individuals humanity and see them as nuanced human beings who make mistakes and will not always say or do things that i personally like, and sometimes they will offend me. and that is okay. they are still deserving of kindness and respect.” meanwhile everyone who has attempted to provide some kind of counterpoint only argues that brendon is some kind of evil piece of shit, as though that detracts from the core issue of how openly lgbt people are treated and regarded by the public. its so funny, i literally made the point in that original post how people will see an out lgbt celebrity that they dont like and use their perceived moral failings as an excuse to be homophobic or transphobic, and here people are perpetuating that very same issue by attempting to label him as some kind of monster to justify why people would dunk on him. youre not helping, youre not adding anything of value to these social movements or conversations, youre just engaging in black and white thinking and caping for communities of people that dont even know or care about half this shit unless theyre incredibly online and rarely ever speak to flesh and blood physical humans. i can pretty confidently promise you that if you brought a vine of brendon singing along to a song that has the n word in it from like 6 or 7 years ago, or a video of brendon tipsy onstage like over a decade ago putting his foot in his mouth and lamenting that he “wishes he was as cool as black people so he didnt look like such a dork wearing certain clothes” to an naacp conference theyd look at you like youre completely deranged. i can also, just based on my findings, based on what ive witnessed, statistically speaking say that the majority of people who hang onto these things against brendon are, well, white. like im so serious every single person ive encountered who has whipped out that vine and that concert clip has been white. gotta say, weird world lotta smells. tons of things you people focus on that really pull back on the advancement of very real issues that need to be addressed and handled in this world. and you so often see people being like “i can worry about these things and those other more serious things too!!!” can you??? can you really??? cuz i see you talking more about shit that no one irl cares about far more often than i see you talking about actual complex current day issues that havent already been beaten like a dead horse. nobody is saying or ever has said that those behaviors arent ignorant or are acceptable, what were trying to drive home to you is that the behaviors and these issues have been fucking beaten to a pulp and overanalyzed and talked about to death. and not only that but have not been shown to be repeat offenses. yall are all about love and kindness and rehabilitation, but then the very moment its a celebrity you dont personally like saying and doing shit that you perceive to be a blight on their character there is no rehabilitation, there is no forgiveness, there is no growth and kindness, go straight to jail do not pass go do not collect $200. truly begging some of yall to get a very real grip. look inwardly and see the way most of your morals conflict with the way you choose to speak on other human beings just because you seem to believe that their money or notoriety negates their humanity. understand that a lot of what you say or believe is inherently hypocritical or has a greater impact and implication on the people that immediately surround you and see the way you talk on a daily basis. as i said, neither of these people are vile or bad, theyre just human fucking people. none of these individuals in question have ever committed any kind of crimes against humanity. at worst all theyve ever been is loud-mouthed and ignorant.

[normal-thoughts-official]

you talk a lot about magnus and camille dynamic and how they started and all that great meta content that you know i love but here's a question that idk if you ever got: how long do you think they were together? bc i can't think of a specific timeline and personally i love the one you talked abt at some point how she was pretty much right after asmododo or something like that, so he went from one type of abuse into another... but how long was he there? was camille with him for 20 years? 80? 130? any theories?

ugh that's a complicated one because i don't really have an answer for that and i think about it often as well

altho i think you got confused about her being right after asmodeus, i definitely don't think she was. i mentioned it my post about the timeline to say that magnus COULDN'T have been born close to the 1800s because that would make it asmodeus and camille way too close and that can't be the case because it would imply camille is basically the only person he dated before alec doajsdoaj and we know that's not true cuz there's also other ppl like george and etc. it was more a point in favor of "early to mid 1600s" for his birth date

anyway! let's go through this. i mentioned in another post that i think he got together with camille right after george, and that i think george died around the middle of the US civil war, which lasted from 1861 to 1865. so let's say they got together around 1863. now, we have a few pieces of information:

magnus mentioned that he hadn't been with anyone for "almost a century" when talking to alec. i know i think magnus is time blind but he can't be TOO off here. that was in 2016 so that would make their breakup date be a little after 1916 if magnus remembers correctly

literally the only thing about the timeline in that time period that i can remember is that one picture there was in his file of magnus surrounded by girls at a party, which looked to be in the 20s to me. since camille was an abusive asshole probably sabotaging his every chance to meet people, that couldn't have been when they were together. so i'd say 1920 is like, the limit for when they could have broken up. it's up to you whether or not you think magnus would be jumping into his party animal role immediately after the breakup or if it would take some time for him to heal; personally i think both make sense (i think she made a huge number on him so it would make sense for him to take a while to get back to that kind of thing; on the other hand, a lot of people turn straight to being party animals after breaking up abusive relationships, especially because for so long abusers have kept them from doing anything fun. so both work imo) so it's up to you

conclusion: they broke up in 1920 at the latest, so the max you could go for is 80 years, if you go with a timeline where camille was right after george (george can't be after camille because magnus has had no relationships after camille, but there could have been a bigger gap between george and camille than i personally hc). it could still be less tho, because we literally have NO information whatsoever on what happened between 1861 and 1920. even if you go with "they broke up and magnus immediately went full party animal" (which is perfectly valid), it's also entirely possible that this happened in say, 1901 and that pic just happened to be from the 20s, years later. but i also don't think it could have been a lot earlier than 1901 because magnus said almost a century, implying less than a century between the year they broke up and 2016. and while i do think that any immortal would lose track of time after a while and mingle years and decades together, nevermind adhd time blind icon magnus bane, if they had broken up in, say, 1880, magnus would remember that over a century has passed, if anything because so much has changed since then. so i think for him to say that the breakup should have happened in the 20th century at least

so that's the analysis from what we've seen in the show. personal opinion! i think 80 years makes sense, but is a bit much. it makes sense because there does seem to be a pretty obvious gap in magnus' file from the 1860s to the 1920s and then it goes back to having many pictures of him, and that "disappearance" makes sense in the context of him being in an abusive relationship (which limits your interactions and going outs by a lot). it does seem to be a bit much because magnus is at max 400, so, if they had been together 80 years, that would have been 20% of magnus' life spent with camille. or 1/5. added with all the time with asmodeus, it seems to be... a bit much dioadsoaijd and like look i'm not judging, i know abusive relationships can last many years and decades even for mortals, nevermind immortals, but i just don't like the idea of it lasting this long personally, especially because i think it makes him getting with alec seem actually a bit soon considering how long the abusive relationship lasted, and that's ignoring asmodeus' abuse on top of it

so personally, i like it morenif its around 40-50 years. i think it makes sense. it would mean the breakup was sometime around the 1910s, and while, okay, there is a gap in his file that seems to only end in the 20s, we must not forget an important fact: shadowhunters are stupid. so i actually think it makes sense that like, magnus emerges from his abusive relationship and is still getting back on his feet, and shadowhunters just don't care. like who is that guy? oh some warlock, no one's heard of him since like the 1860s lol. whatever happened to him? who cares. anyway, we love racism

and then around a decade later it turns out that magnus is healing enough to be a pain in their ass; say, that is when he becomes HWoB, or simply that they are reminded of how powerful magnus actually is once he is back in activity, and so they go back to like, investigating him and updating his file. so the file gap could be explained in that case. it also actually makes more sense that it would take shadowhunters a while to pay attention to him again, and since magnus was healing from an abusive relationship, the time it would take for him to draw their attention might well be around a decade

and with 40-50 years of an abusive relationship that would mean magnus has spent 10-12% of his life with camille; which is a LOT of time (for comparison: my first abusive relationship lasted a little over a year and i was 16 at the time; that makes it have lasted around 6% of my life at the time, and it did a HUGE number on me, taking me almost 3 years to have a relationship again), but not quite as much as a full 20%. not just that, but him taking "almost a century" (it would actually make it be a little over a century in this timeline, but again, magnus is immortal and time blind, so give him a break) to get with anyone again makes sense. that would be around double the time he's spent with her before he heals enough to be with someone else. that tracks, because abuse fucks you up fast and unfuckening yourself up takes longer. magnus isn't even fully unfucked up (which is okay, he doesn't have to be), but for him to be ready to take such huge steps as he is taking with alec, i think around double the time he's spent with her spent on healing makes sense

(again, i'm mostly going off my own experiences here; my abusive relationship lasted almost a year and a half, my next relationship was almost three years after the breakup. so almost perfectly double the time before i was ready to have another relationship. and again, i know recovery isn't the same for everyone and a lot of factors go into this, but i just think a timeline where he's been with her for 80 years and then gets with alec less than 100 afterwards is a bit too fast)

i still think 40 years is kind of a very long time to be in an abusive relationship and like holy shit i cant even imagine, but also i mean, mortals have abusive relationships that last that long and to an immortal itd feel like less time, and it does seem to be what best fits the timeline, so

and yeah i think those are my thoughts dadsajdsa

LAST MINUTE EDIT BEFORE THIS IS PUBLISHED CUZ IM NOT REDOING THE WHOLE THING: i got an anon today saying that magnus said something about not having seen camille in 130 years (link) which i didnt/dont really remember but i trust that theyre right and im wrong because i dont remember a lot of shit from this show. 130 years before 2016 would be 1886, meaning that if they broke up at that time and got together right after george's death as i personally hc, that's a 20-year relationship. that sounds like it fits the timeline as much as any other to me, and like i said in that ask, i think it makes sense that magnus would play it down to alec by saying "almost a century" instead of how long it's really been cuz it's a bit too vulnerable, and plus, we know one of the ways he protects himself is by not letting people pinpoint exactly some important dates from his past, particularly his birthday and etc

and okay i know that 20 years together, then 130 years recovering is a huge difference, but also i think with twenty years together as opposed to my comparatively short abusive relationship the scars of abuse would deepen a lot and quicker, so maybe it makes sense that it would take a longer time to feel confident enough to get to dating again. plus, like i said, there's no real math to be had in that process, everyone is different, has their own history and recovery process and etc so it's not like there is a deadline. so actually scratch everything i said above im going with this timeline. the one thing that doesn't track with that is the gap in his file but also like i said shadowhunters are stupid, so. yeah 20 years together is probably closer to it

in the end its kind of a relief cuz i was like "holy shit 40 years is so LONG" so... yeah udndidn

[fandomsalive]

Divine Decadence

Divine Decadence | Reddie | Explicit | 5,520 words

Summary: What Eddie is not expecting to see is a photo of Richie standing in full cabaret garb, complete with thigh-high stockings and garters connecting to knee-high boots.

what do you guys think of my new outfit? :P the caption reads.

Richie’s wearing a deep blue corset, with a black, sparkly coat that falls down behind his knees, and a cute little hat that doesn’t quite fit his head. His shorts are also black, and they’re tight enough that they’re pressed right up against Richie’s crotch, the buttons framing the obvious bulge presented there. Eddie can’t drag his eyes away long enough to blink before the snap ends, and then he’s left staring at nothing while he tries to get his brain to restart.

--

To be honest I wrote this for me. I was in desperate need for a snapchat sexting fic.

Thanks as always to my best friend and beta @imnotinclinedtomaturity. 

Ao3 Link

--

Eddie’s in the middle of an essay due in his lit class tomorrow when his phone chimes with a new snapchat notification. Even before he opens it, he knows it’s going to be Richie, who spends 90% of his time in the theater taking ridiculous pictures with his castmates and fucking around backstage.

What Eddie is not expecting to see is a photo of Richie standing in full cabaret garb, complete with thigh-high stockings and garters connecting to knee-high boots.

what do you guys think of my new outfit? :P the caption reads.

Richie’s wearing a deep blue corset with a black, sparkly coat that falls down behind his knees, and a cute little hat that doesn’t quite fit his head. His shorts are also black, and they’re tight enough that they’re pressed right up against Richie’s crotch, the buttons framing the obvious bulge presented there. Eddie can’t drag his eyes away long enough to blink before the snap ends, and then he’s left staring at nothing while he tries to get his brain to restart.

What the fuck. What the actual fuck. Richie’s not even doing cabaret this semester. They’re in the middle of a production of It’s a Wonderful Life, and last Eddie checked, there wasn’t any cabaret in that play. So where the fuck did Richie find an outfit like that?

Before Eddie can really think it through, he’s typing a response.

Where the hell did you find that?

Richie doesn’t respond right away, obviously. He’s probably hamming it up for his friends backstage, too busy to check his phone, but all Eddie can think about is the way Richie’s legs looked in those stockings, and how those shorts really really left nothing to the imagination.

It isn’t the first time Eddie has looked at Richie this way, but —finals are in two weeks and Eddie’s course load has been insane, which hasn’t left much time for sleeping, so seeing Richie in fucking cabaret is exactly enough of a shock to break his goddamn brain.

Eddie taps at his screen, meaning to do what, he’s not sure, but he ends up back on the snapchat homepage and hesitates there, staring at Richie’s name at the top where his brand new story sits, tempting Eddie desperately.

Ten seconds was really not enough time to soak in the image of Richie dressed like that.

Eddie clicks on his story.

The image of Richie in cabaret comes back up. Eddie’s eyes linger on the fishnet stockings rather than Richie’s bulge this time, and the way they frame diamonds against Richie’s pale skin. The boots he’s wearing make his long legs look even longer, which Eddie hadn’t thought was possible until now, and the corset.

Fuck.

The snap ends again, and this time Eddie doesn’t think twice before replaying it again.

The hand Richie is using to hold his phone up against the mirror blocks most of his face, and half of his chest, but Eddie can see one dusky nipple peeking out above the blue corset. It’s tight against his body, throwing his chest into sharp relief, and making his skin stand out even more there than it does on his thighs. The black jacket draped around his arms is the only thing Eddie doesn’t much care for, and all he can really think about is stripping it off.

His phone chimes, drawing Eddie out of his thoughts and reminding him that he’d been trying to ask Richie a question.

Richie: wouldn’t you like to know ;)

And then again, almost immediately.

Richie: they left me in charge of putting away costumes again tonight and i might have been digging around in the back of one of the wardrobes and… ta da!

Eddie sighs, and closes his eyes. Leave it to Richie to make putting away costumes into an adventure. Part of him wishes Richie had fallen into the wardrobe and never come out if it meant saving Eddie having to see him all dressed up like that, and the other part couldn’t be more grateful that Richie went digging.

He kind of hates himself a little.

Richie messages him again.

Richie: you never said if you liked it :(

And then: come on eds

Immediately after: dont i look sexy? ;))

The problem is, the answer is yes, but in Eddie’s opinion, the answer would always be yes, so it’s not really a fair question. He doesn’t really know how to answer, either, so he doesn’t.

He and Richie have been dancing around each other for years. It’s not that Eddie is unaware of the fact that Richie finds him attractive, nor is he blind to the way Richie has been flirting with him since they were in high school. In fact, Eddie would say it’s more than a little obvious they’re in love with each other.

They just haven’t done anything about it yet.

Eddie sighs and drags a tired hand down his face. When he pulls it away, he does his best to turn his attention back onto his essay.

But he can’t.

He just keeps thinking about all that chest Richie had been showing off, a part of Richie’s body that Eddie so rarely sees. Richie isn’t really the type to run around shirtless, much to Eddie’s dismay, but that corset… Eddie’s brain is just tired enough that Eddie allows himself to imagine licking the space between Richie’s pecs, skimming right over the black lace lining the top of the corset.

He groans, and slams his face into his hands. He can feel himself growing a little interested, a general stirring in his stomach, a twitch of his dick, and does his best to stifle it.

His phone chimes again, and Eddie groans even louder before picking it up.

Richie: way to make a girl feel loved eds :(

Rolling his eyes, Eddie finally types back a response.

Youre not a girl

This time, Richie’s response is almost immediate.

Richie: so if i was a girl would you tell me im sexy? :D

Eddie doesn’t even have to think about it — bickering with Richie is second nature.

No.

Richie: :(

Eddie expects that to be the end of it, and puts his phone down in another attempt to get back to work on his essay, but it’s only a few moments of staring at his screen before his phone goes off again. Eddie doesn’t even pretend not to be interested, and picks up his phone immediately.

It’s a real snap this time, and Richie’s still in that goddamn outfit.

This time it’s a selfie, and he’s pouting at the camera. The angle is just steep enough that Eddie can see all of Richie’s exposed naked chest, and the top edge of the corset where it flares out a little bit. It’s more than a little obvious that Richie is trying to look sexy, and the most annoying part about it is that it’s working.

Eddie groans, and feels himself actually start to firm up in his pants now. He has to shift his legs a little to get more comfortable in his chair, and tries not to think about the fact that he’s just spread his legs. The soft fabric of his sweatpants is a tease against his dick.

The snap ends. Eddie doesn’t think. He holds down on the message, and the snap replays again.

Immediately it occurs to Eddie that Richie can see that he replayed it, and he feels his cheeks heat up. Shit, fuck, he didn’t mean to do that.

Well, he did, but… not where Richie could see.

Richie: eds!

The snap ends before Eddie can really enjoy the image, and then he’s back to staring at their chat.

Richie: did you just replay my snap?

Richie: you do think im sexy!! :D

Richie: admit it eds

Richie: i look sexy in my cabaret get up ;))

Eddie groans and wants to bury his face in his hands, but it’s difficult to feel too mortified when Richie seems receptive to Eddie’s interest. They flirt sometimes, but not usually so overtly — like replaying sexy snaps of each other — and Eddie’s usually the one to roll his eyes and ignore Richie when he gets too blatant.

It’s moments like these, though, where Eddie does flirt back, that make Eddie feel hot all over with the possibility of finally doing something about their mutual attraction.

Eddie bites his lip, considering.

Maybe for once, Eddie can be the brave one and put himself out there a little more shamelessly. After all, Richie started this whole mess.

I dont know, I think youd look better without the jacket, Eddie finally types back.

Eddie can see Richie’s bitmoji peeking at him. It pops up, like Richie is typing, and then goes back to peeking at him, meaning Richie stopped without saying anything. Eddie can feel his heart beating a little faster than normal as he watches this happen again and again, before it stops entirely. Richie’s bitmoji disappears.

Eddie blinks. And stares. And worries, just a little bit.

And then another snap comes in, and Eddie about breaks his finger in his haste to play it.

Richie’s facing the mirror again, his phone covering his face to take the picture. He’s leaning on the counter with both elbows this time, the fingers of one hand brushing along the line of his collarbone. The way he’s stretching his neck causes the bone to stick out sharply, and Eddie feels his mouth water at the sight.

Richie has good collarbones, and all Eddie wants to do is bite them.

The broad line of his shoulders is revealed now too. Richie has taken Eddie’s advice and ditched the jacket. It makes the deep blue of his corset more prominent, and it highlights Richie’s skin, drawing attention to the pale expanse of Richie’s chest and shoulders.

The caption reads how about now?

Eddie licks his lips as the timer runs out and the snap ends.

He starts typing.

Try again. I didnt get a good enough look

Richie’s bitmoji pops up. Slips back down. Pops up again.

Richie: again?

Eddie can just about picture Richie’s face, perhaps scrunched up in confusion, or his eyebrows arched in surprise. Eddie doesn’t know exactly how Richie must be feeling, but Eddie knows how he’s feeling, and thats pretty fucking shocked at his own boldness.

Eddie swallows nervously, but ultimately barrels forward. In for a penny...

Again. But dont cover yourself up this time, Eddie demands, unsure where this is coming from, but leaning into it anyway.

They’ve never flirted like this. They’ve never gotten this far. And Eddie doesn’t know what that means for them, but he’s excited to find out.

Richie doesn’t respond right away. Eddie sees his bitmoji peek at him, indicating that he’s read the message, and then it disappears. Eddie hopes that means another picture is coming, and not that Richie has run away screaming.

Their chat lights up again a few moments later, and Eddie opens Richie’s snap eagerly.

This time, Richie has stepped back away from the mirror, and he’s holding the phone down low and to the right of him, so that his whole body is in frame, including his face. It’s objectively not the best photo, but it’s what’s in it that counts.

The first thing that Eddie notices is that Richie is biting his bottom lip. His lashes are lowered, and his cheeks are pink, and Eddie can just make out the blue of his eyes staring up at the camera. He looks nervous, almost shy, and it’s the hottest expression Eddie has ever seen.

The second thing Eddie notices are Richie’s fucking thighs. Richie is leaning against the wall next to the mirror, left arm bent so that his elbow is propping him up against the wall, and his fingers are carding through his hair. He’s tilted his hips just so, legs spread apart, with one in front of the other, baring Richie’s inner thigh to the camera.

His thigh isn’t bare, but it feels incredibly intimate regardless. It’s sexy is what it is, so much so that Eddie feels his dick really stiffen up in his pants.

The thick strap of Richie’s garter is distracting enough that Eddie doesn’t even make it half way down Richie’s thigh before the snap ends.

Eddie doesn’t hesitate. He plays it again, and screenshots the image for good measure.

It’s a daring move, one that Eddie wouldn’t usually give in to, but he can’t help it. They’ve already gone way past the boundaries of their usual relationship, what with Eddie demanding that Richie take another sexy photo for him. What’s one more nail in the coffin?

You look good he types the moment the snap ends for a second time. He licks his lips, staring eagerly at their open chat. He can see Richie’s bitmoji. It sits still this time, like he’s staring at their chat but doesn’t know what to say. A flicker of nervousness tickles at Eddie’s insides, but despite his usual anxiety, he convinces himself to wait, to calm down, to let Richie speak for himself instead of jumping to conclusions.

Finally, Richie types a response.

Richie: yeah?

The lack of emojis, the lack of teasing and flirting, is telling. Richie is so rarely vulnerable with Eddie, but Eddie knows how to recognize it when he is. It makes Eddie burn, to be trusted with this side of Richie, whose always hiding behind crude jokes and self-deprecating humor. Confidence flares up in Eddie — this is something Richie is into.

Yeah Eddie replies, and stops for a moment.

Richie’s bitmoji stares at him.

Eddie adds, But I want to see more.

He can feel his heart thrumming hard in his chest, can feel something tightening inside of him with want and desire. His dick throbs in his pants, thick with anticipation. He’s almost fully hard now, and he reaches down to rub the heel of his palm against the head of his dick.

He lets out a soft sigh at the feeling while he waits for Richie’s reply.

Richie’s bitmoji stares at him, and then pops up, and then stares at him again. Eddie blinks. Richie’s bitmoji pops up again, like he’s typing but can’t settle on what to say, and then stares at him again. Eddie doesn’t know what to think of Richie’s hesitation — whether it means that Eddie’s crossed a line, or if Richie just wasn’t expecting the forwardness — but finally Richie says: then tell me what you want

Eddie’s heart skips a beat, knowing that Richie is fully on board now, and he presses down harder on his dick, squirming at the sensation it sends through him. He exhales a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding, and thinks.

What does he want? He knows that he wants to see more, knows that he wants to get off to Richie posing for him in his cabaret outfit. He knows that he wants Richie to get off with him, that he’s desperate to make Richie as hard as he is right now.

So he types: I want you to touch yourself through your shorts

Continues: and let me see you do it.

Richie’s bitmoji only stares at him for a moment this time, and then it’s gone.

Heat flares through Eddie’s body as he waits, squirming in his chair. His essay lies forgotten, cursor blinking on his laptop, and he considers, briefly, moving to his bed, but ultimately decides against it. Here, he can spread his legs wide and lean back against his chair without having to sacrifice the ease of texting Richie.

Eddie aches to push his sweatpants down, but he waits.

His phone lights up, the snapchat noise pinging his phone, and yet another picture message waits for him. Licking his lips, Eddie does not hesitate to open it.

Richie’s done exactly what he said. It’s another mirror selfie, with his phone aimed low and zoomed in, crotch framed in the middle of the camera. He’s got one big palm cupping his dick through his shorts, and Eddie can just about see the way Richie has thrust his hips forward into the touch. He can’t see Richie’s face, but he can almost imagine that Richie is flushed red in the face.

He wonders if the flush goes all the way down, if Richie’s chest gets hot and red like the rest of him. Eddie lets out a soft sound of desire, and fumbles with his phone. Before the message can disappear, he clicks on the camera icon and takes a quick, perfunctory photo of his own dick, hard in his sweatpants. He cups under the head, and sends the snap before he can think better of it.

His ears turn red.

Fuck, they’re having phone sex. Like actual, proper phone sex. This is definitely not the first thing Eddie had been imagining they’d do when they finally got their shit together, but he can’t say he’s complaining.

Richie is doing exactly what Eddie is saying without question, as well. Eddie’s never seen Richie so compliant, and it only serves to make him harder. He rubs his thumb around the head of his cock, and feels himself start to grow wet.

Eddie’s got their messages open again when Richie responds.

Richie: fuck eds

Richie: your gonna kill me

Feeling bold, Eddie types back: I want you

His heart lodges in his throat. Richie begins to type, and there’s no hesitation this time.

Richie: fuck

Richie: m e too

Richie: god i want you so much eds

Richie: please

Richie: tell me what to do

The desperation is clear, and it makes Eddie gasp, makes his dick twitch in his pants enough that he finally scrambles at the waistband, shoving them down to mid-thigh. He leaves his boxers where they are, and rubs the head of his dick through the thin fabric, teasing at himself more fully now. He can feel all the blood rushing through his body to his dick, can feel the need pumping through him until all he can think about is Richie Richie Richie.

Why did they wait so long to do this?

Richie isn’t even here and Eddie already feels like he’s on fire. How much better would it be to have Richie on top of him?

I want to see you Eddie types thoughtlessly, wishing more than anything that Richie were here right now.

Richie responds: i can do that

Richie’s bitmoji disappears. He’s taking a photo, Eddie’s pretty sure, even though that isn’t really what he meant, but he’s not going to complain.

The theater is on the other side of the campus from the dorms, a good twenty minute walk on a good day, and it’s not as if Richie could just walk across campus in fucking cabaret. But Eddie isn’t ready for Richie to change out of that outfit yet, and he’s considering asking Richie to bring it home, if only so he can feel the way Richie’s thighs feel in those stockings.

His phone pings.

He opens the message.

There’s a chair in front of the makeup counter now, and Richie’s propped up in it sideways, the seat far enough away from the counter that Eddie can see Richie’s entire body in the chair. Richie’s got one arm raised to take the photo, and the other wrapped around the back of the chair, holding him securely in place.

One stocking-clad leg hangs low like normal, but the other — the other is raised high, Richie’s heel resting on the seat next to his other thigh. The pose thrusts Richie’s corsetted chest outward, and once again draws Eddie’s gaze to his inner thigh. The thick line of his garter is hidden this time, but the top edge of the stocking is not, and Eddie can just imagine himself pulling them down Richie’s legs with his teeth.

He groans at the thought, and finds himself squeezing around the base of his cock, stroking himself once, firmly, over his boxers, and biting down hard on his bottom lip. He squeezes his eyes shut for just a moment, and then snaps them back open again.

Before the image can disappear, Eddie screenshots it desperately. The image is burned into the back of his mind, but he never wants to forget it.

Richie’s flush really does go all the way down.

It’s only after the screenshot is saved that Eddie realizes Richie didn’t put a timer on this one, and his eyes blow wide at the thought. It's involuntary when his hips kick up against his palm, and he muffles a moan behind his teeth, gazing hungrily at the photo in front of him.

He wants Richie. He wants him so fucking bad.

Eddie types: get up on the makeup counter and spread your legs for me

Richie’s response is immediate: yeah ok

Eddie fumbles to yank his boxers down to mid-thigh as well, releasing his cock. The sensation is a relief, even more so when he finally wraps his fingers around it properly, dragging up against it once before squeezing the head and letting go. His fingers fly back to his phone.

show me, he demands.

Richie does. The image comes through quickly, like Richie had complied the second Eddie had asked him to. There’s no timer, and Eddie has a clear view of Richie’s body all the way down his chest. His legs are spread wide like Eddie had asked, and the bulge that had already been obvious earlier only seems to have grown. Richie is definitely hard now, probably aching in those tight shorts, but he hasn’t gotten undressed.

Eddie hasn’t told him to.

Holy shit, he thinks, and shivers.

Touch your thighs he says, and then I want to see.

It takes longer for Richie to comply this time, but it becomes obvious why the moment Eddie sees the purple tap to view icon. He exhales loudly before playing the video.

Richie seems to be resting his weight against the mirror behind him, because the way he’s positioned his camera, Eddie can see all the way down his chest again. He can see his stomach heaving under his corset, can hear his heavy breathing. Eddie watches as Richie strokes the fingers of one hand down one inner thigh, and then back up. He teases pale fingers at the top edge of his stockings, and then trails them further up, up, up, to the thick strap of the garter. Eddie watches as he grips tight to it, and pulls it upward. It snaps back against his skin with a satisfying smack.

Richie lets out a soft sigh, and the video ends.

The sound goes straight to Eddie’s dick, and he drags the heel of his palm down the shaft of it, pressing down hard on the head. His teeth are digging into his bottom lip, preventing any sound from escaping him, and he releases it only on another long exhale. He can’t help the way he winds his fingers around himself, beginning to really pull himself off, screwing his eyes up tight with desire. He snaps them back open after a second, and aims his camera down at his dick, holding down the record button.

All Eddie can think about doing is encouraging Richie to keep going. He fists his hand over himself once, twice, three times, and then tightens his fist over the head with a soft groan.

“So good for me, Richie,” he whispers hotly, and then stops recording and hits send. He doesn’t have to wait long for Richie’s reply, which feels almost instantaneous, like he watched Eddie’s video and then immediately began filming his own.

Richie lets out a low whimper the moment the video starts, and digs his fingers hard into his thigh. He isn’t showing his face, though Eddie suddenly wishes that he were, but he does drag his nails up his thigh, leaving scorching red marks on the bare skin, until he reaches the bottom edge of his shorts. Then he wiggles his fingers underneath the hem, and pulls up teasingly, exposing more and more of that wonderful pale skin that Eddie wants to sink his teeth into.

He doesn’t touch his dick the way that Eddie is touching his own. It’s as if Richie is showing off for him, ignoring his own pleasure for Eddie’s. Eddie’s eyes flutter shut at the thought, and he decides he’s done playing.

He doesn’t have the patience for this when he’s already so worked up. He can feel his dick throbbing desperately in his hand, and he wants nothing more than to come.

Just before the video ends, Richie’s ragged voice whines, “Eds.”

Eddie lets out a loud groan, and says fuck it.

Rather than sending another video, he types out a quick message one handed, unwilling to let go of his dick.

get off the counter and fuck up against it instead. i wanna see you gasping for it

Eddie doesn’t bother teasing himself anymore, his fist tight around his dick as he jerks off. He’s getting close, and he wants to come watching Richie rubbing himself all over the makeup counter, but he can’t hold off for very much longer.

It feels like it takes forever for Richie to do what he asked, though, because by the time the video comes in, Eddie is already shaking, hips pumping hard into his fist.

He clicks on Richie’s message desperately, and lets out a low moan immediately at the scene presented to him. Richie has done exactly what he asked, his hips grinding hard into the edge of the makeup counter, but it’s so much more than that. He’s gasping wildly with the movement, and he’s got one leg practically on top of the counter, grinding his hips mindlessly into it. The hand not holding the phone is threaded through his hair, and Richie is yanking his own head back as far as it will go. His neck is a long line of pale, unblemished skin, his adam’s apple bobbing desperately as he works himself over.

He looks desperate for it, eyes closed and brow bunched up with pleasure. His mouth is hanging open around the sounds he’s making, and his chest is that same bright red as earlier, maybe redder.

The video is twice as long as all the rest, as Richie works his hips up against the counter. Eddie’s hand moves faster and faster over himself, and he digs his teeth into his bottom lip, biting back the loud groans begging to come out of his throat. His hips pump up harder, and harder, and harder, and then suddenly, as Richie’s moans hit a fever pitch and the video cuts out, Eddie comes hard, come spurting up his chest and soaking into the soft cotton of his sleep shirt.

He gasps with it, jerking into his hand as he works himself through it. Pleasure zings all the way up his spine, causing him to arch into it, and by the time he slumps back against his chair, he feels weak and jelly limbed all over. The movements of his hand come to a slow stop long before Eddie has the presence of mind to do so himself.

Dizzy with it, Eddie taps on his phone to send a response, and snaps a picture of his dick, soaked in his own come and still hard.

He doesn’t have it in him to type a message, just sends the photo and closes his eyes to wait, his chest still heaving.

It doesn’t take long at all for Richie to reply. Eddie’s phone chirps, and then chirps again, and then twice more, before Eddie can work up the energy to look at it.

Richie: holy shit u came

Richie: eds

Richie: fuck plz

Richie: tell me what to do

Oh fuck, oh fuck, Eddie thinks to himself. Richie didn’t come. God, that shouldn’t be such a surprise, considering Richie hasn’t done anything without Eddie’s permission first all night, but it still is. He’d sounded so far gone in that video, like the moment it ended he would have kept going, uncontrollable, until he came.

The fact that he didn’t — holy shit it makes Eddie desperate with it.

Scrambling to wipe his hand off on his already ruined t-shirt, Eddie grips his phone with both hands and starts typing.

You listen to me so well

His phone already feels tacky with the remains of his come, but Eddie’s so focused on getting Richie off that he dismisses the thought. He can wipe his phone down later.

Do you want to come Richie? he asks, already knowing the answer.

yes Richie responds, just one word.

Eddie wants to see his face so fucking bad right now.

I wanna see it, he demands, typing furiously. I wanna watch your face as you come undone

Richie: anything plz eddie plz

Eddie groans, wishing for just a moment that he’d held off longer. Some horrible part of him wants to make Richie wait until he gets home so that Eddie can get off with him all over again, this time in person, but Richie’s been so good for him. He deserves to come too.

Fuck baby, Eddie types, trembling. Get yourself off for me.

He hesitates for a second, and then, but I want you to come in your shorts. Youre not allowed to pull your dick out

Eddie bites his lip, and pushes one last time.

thats my job, he says.

Richie’s bitmoji immediately disappears from the chat, and Eddie knows without a doubt that he’s getting himself off right now. He’s antsy as he waits, and it’s only because it takes so long that he manages to grab a wet wipe from his desk drawer to wipe down his phone, and then his dick.

It’s as he tucking himself back into his sweatpants and pulling off his ruined shirt that his phone goes off again.

He scrambles to play the video.

Richie’s back in the chair, legs spread wide and the heel of his hand digging hard against his dick. He's groaning as his hips kick into his palm, and his eyes keep fluttering shut, but he’s staring straight into the mirror, straight into the camera, straight into Eddie’s eyes.

The video gives Eddie a perfect view of Richie’s outfit again, and the way the fishnets dig into his skin. Eddie’s eyes drag down from the blue corset, tracing the lines of lace down his body to the waist-high shorts, the buttons hidden by Richie’s palm and the way he grinds into himself. He takes in the garters, no longer connected to the fishnets, like Richie had tugged on them until they’d pulled free. The fishnet stockings are shoved down his thighs as well, and the boots. Fuck, Eddie hadn’t known Richie could look so good in heels.

The video is shaky, and Eddie watches Richie work himself over. His hips thrust helplessly against the heel of his palm, and his cheat heaves with exertion. He’s not bothering to quiet himself, instead panting around soft grunts and moans that grow louder and louder with each passing second. Eddie watches as Richie’s eyes start to roll back, as they close, as his head tilts back and his mouth drops open with pleasure. His hips start to work harder, more desperate, lacking any coordination or rhythm.

His throat bobs, and Eddie soaks in the way Richie’s moans turn high-pitched and breathy, and then Richie is coming, his hips jerking erratically into the heel of Richie’s palm, before finally slowing to a stop. Richie slumps into himself, and his arm drops just as the video ends.

Fuck, fuck. Eddie doesn’t think he’s ever seen something so fucking hot. He can feel his dick stirring with interest again as he stares at their chat, his own demanding words staring back at him. He knows the whole conversation will be gone the moment Eddie leaves the screen, but he doesn’t want it to be gone just yet. He has two screenshots saved to his phone to remind him of how hot Richie looks in this cabaret outfit, but he doesn’t dare screenshot the words they’d said to each other. Instead, he scrolls slowly over their conversation and aches to do it again.

The cat’s out of the bag now. Eddie doesn’t want to forget this ever happened, and he’s pretty certain Richie doesn’t want to forget either.

He scrolls to the bottom of their chat and says you okay over there?

Richie: yueah just came mty brains out

Eddie laughs, feeling warm because he did that. He made Riche come.

Biting his bottom lip, Eddie tries, wanna come over and do it again?

Richie’s response is immediate.

Richie: fufck yeah

Eddie grins. Bring the shorts, he suggests, and then, for good measure, the garters too.

Richie: duck that, im bringinging the whole fuckiing outfit

Eddie throws his head back and laughs, clutching his phone tight to his chest, and thinking yeah, we’re finally doing this. It’s about damn time.

[sanstropfremir]

excited to see what you have to say about todays episode cause like the other person said, the stunts from the atz/skz/btob also looked lowkey awkward to watch lmao. i feel like the dance part cant really be judged against each other just based on how different they were. also the ikon/sf9/tbz rap performance was much more khiphop inspired while skz/atz/btob were basically "kpop group's rapline does a unit stage" if you know what i mean lmao. im curious to see if you're going to talk about the judges and how some of them were picked solely to have exposure👀 or if there might be a reasoning behind all of them (the dance girl i understand but like... okay)

also, i have to ask if you watched rtk and if you'd feel comfortable sharing who you think should've won/if the boyz deserved it? as a deobi i know its not that big of a deal but i was lowkey proud and stunned by them during rtk and while i think they're doing good on kingdom too, their performances became way too overwhelming/doesn't leave an impression after for my little brain 🙃 i love them tho. also not that you care but i wish they would represent more their full dance line, because juyeon is doing amazing but it can be mentally and physically tiring to be the ONE guy who does all the dance and center parts, like do it as a trio or smt dont push it all on him while there are ten others on the team

i hope you enjoyed my (very) long review and my apparently literally opposite opinions from everyone else! that’s a lie they’re not opposite, i'm just looking at very different things. thank you for also clocking that the performance stages were two different styles! i'm fairly certain the rankings arent out yet for that stage at least, so i'm not envious of the judges having to decide between two performances that are pretty much on opposite ends of the spectrum. also i did make a mistake in my review, i just watched the first half of the episode and they do in fact call it the dance stage, so that’s on me. my point still stands though, group dancing is still dancing.

as far as the judges go........why are we upset about them.....? honestly they all seem fine to me. i mean, i can understand people being pressed about s*ju because they make people mad by just existing, apparently, but that doesnt negate the fact that they have nearly two decades of experience in the industry. if they arent going to have changmin do any judging than they might as well get some other sm vets, since yanno, they did kinda establish the industry (sm, not s*ju. although s*ju is the first kpop group i ever remember hearing way back in like, 2008. in canada. before having a personal device with internet access. sooooooo). and i mean, we all have opinions on the separation of art and artist and everyone can draw their own boundaries of who they choose to consume the work of, and that’s valid. i have lots of those lines too. but you can’t deny the sheer amount of experience, and shindong is a director and music video producer, so he ain’t stupid. i dont see any problems with having a lineup of some idol veterans, a frankly incredible choreographer, and some producers. oh wait, are people mad about the rookies????? why are people mad about the rookies?????????????? huh????????????? have people forgotten that rookies spend literal YEARS training before they even debut??? they’re not incompetent, they’re members of the industry that have worked hard to be there and have valid opinions and abilities to recognize what they think is good?? also.......what’s wrong with doing something for exposure? how do you think groups get popular in the first place? fuck, the prize for kingdom is a variety/reality show! which is exposure! you know that’s how arts marketing works, right? if you want people to listen to your music, you have to advertise it to people. you need an audience. if a tree falls in the forest and no one hears it, does it sell thousands of albums? thousands of tickets? why are you invalidating artists on the basis of wanting more exposure? are you worried they’re not going to ‘judge fairly’??? you know none of these groups' reputations are going to be hurt by their placement in the show, right. these are all high level groups already, with established brand rep. THEY are doing this show for exposure too. is this what people are complaining about on twitter?? so every stan account promoting fancams and comeback dates under hit tweets has to delete them now because artists aren’t allowed to do anything for exposure anymore. ?????? am i too old??? what happened to make people think that exposure was bad???

i have only watched the stages from rtk, and not while the show was airing, so i dont really have any context for the show as a whole. do i think they deserved to win? i dont really think anyone ‘deserves’ to win a competition show, but they did produce a couple of phenomenal stages, so was i surprised? no. personally i would have picked pentagon because they had the best vocals and also they took a few more conceptual risks that paid off really well. their cover of follow is a fantastic remake and honestly we need more dramatic remakes like that, ones that really change up the sound. i made a couple of conclusions about tbz in my episode four review that are relevant here (they’re at the end of the tbz section). although tbz are good performers, the problem is theyre trying to showcase those skills by being heavily conceptual, but their creative team is ALL over the place and nothing is landing. I dont think they’re doing terrible in kingdom, they’re doing very well, but their creative team is not providing them with a stable conceptual base. i know i make designing sound relatively simple, but it's not at all. i'm just smart and very good at my job. there are a lot of mediocre designers out there, and tbz just do not have a good creative team for kingdom. and i do actually think it's a shame that they’re fronting juyeon so much, because one of their strengths IS their group work. they have a more of a contemporary flavour than most other groups at the moment and they can do some really sharp synchronization that should to be seen more. i wish they had actually done group work for the performance stage, because we’ve already seen juyeon do a solo stage, plus he has solos in all the stages. give him a break and let the others have a chance to do something at least.

[bileshroom]

how do you feel about the new sally face chapter?

Im glad you asked! under a read more for spoilers for chapter 5

Myself and Fox are giving our opinions in this post so it will be very long

There were things i really liked and things i really didnt like

for example, the swapping dimensions and the changing art styles were very neat! i liked some more than others, like the rubber hose style for sal could of been a bit different in my opinion, @shinysnek did an edit/drawing and tweeked the tiniest thing and made the design alot more palatable 

and the minigames were… really repetitive and sometimes very confusing ? esp todds door, the plus’s were almost impossible to notice! slightly darker grey against light grey just makes it look like part of the door :/ and the 3d bits were a bit hard to control during the later part of the game

and the writing,, it felt super rushed as if he just wanted to saddle alot of the damage onto native americans??? that completely came out of the blue, like he couldnt come up with some sort of cop out for why the cult is doing what they do

and still with the weird queer baiting with larry? like he made them brothers but is still pushing it, if steve wanted sal’s love interest to be ash why not have moments like ‘that’ with her instead?? it feels very uncomfortable in my opinion especially with him saying he was still,,comfortable with the ship which REALLY rubs me the wrong way

and the ending,,, dont even,, TALK to me about the ending, it honestly made me so upset?? like, and the epilogue to go with it,,, like okay cool the worlds still fucked over and todds still corrupt and larrys just gone??? for no real reason???????? hes just gone :| okay 

gnome larry was funny tho, didnt really explain why Larry got super old while megan stayed a 7 year old, i suppose you can explain it with like when ghosts arent bound to a place they can wither and age? i dunno whatever chapter 5 sucked and it felt like steve just didnt want to do it anymore

—

my turn! alright im going to be typing my opinion from a fellow writer and programmer’s POV.

the beginning of the game kinda drops you in which was a little surprising, considering the other chapters were very rich with exposition which is one of the things i loved about SF. 

It had this way of bringing you in even though you didnt know what the heck was going on. It made you want to learn more and it felt like you were THERE with sal. 

But this opening with just… ash tossed in fell a little… flat. yeah… graveyard… lets toss in some epitaphs as a reminder of who died, ok… cool. 

next lets talk a little about the general story. im not going to lie, this felt like a TOTALLY different game to me and I played them all in succession again to remind myself of the other chapters. 

It was so… plain. It didnt have the eerie-ness of the bologna incident, it didnt have the intriguing mystery of the first chapter where it started you off in the hospital as a little boy with your face hidden, it didnt have that heart wrenching storyline of the 4th chapter.

it was just…. “i need to end this game quick”. 

there was just a unique feeling to the other chapters, something that made you feel gritty and floaty, like you were a dirty teenager hunting for ghosts.

Saddling the natives on the unexplained reason as well… BIG YIKES, steve. the silent hill movies pulled this crap too, and we can all see how flat that fell in comparison to the actual silent hill 3 game. 

There are so so many things you could do instead of that tired (and lets face it) racist stereotype. 

I thought it was going to have a deeper meaning, like… people have had cults for decades that didnt have to do with the natives. hell, he could have even kept with the weird alien theme he was going for. calling an ancient alien creature? that would be pretty badass.

The ending… fell disappointingly flat. ok… everyones dead? so you tortured sal and his pals for literally no reason? granted i didnt press the c4 button so im not sure how that path goes, but i doubt its any more satisfying. 

not to mention the constant queerbaiting that, at this point, makes me so uncomfortable.

yes we get it, steve. you think adopted brothers can fuck, and yeah, theres nothing TECHNICALLY wrong with it (and im using technically by definition, its still wrong in my eyes), but come on. can any of you tell me that wouldnt make you intensely uncomfortable? Its not ok what he did imo and i know its his characters, but steve? either dont make them brothers or stop fucking pushing their romantic interactions.

oh and lets talk about the only other canonly gay couple with any screen time! he killed the black one.

yep… just… let that sink in for a second. did he need to? absolutely not. at least not in such a pointless way.

didnt even give neil any character development tbh, just… token black gay man that needed to be there to be the motivator to search for todd. ok thanks, steve.

and travis (another not white character. no do not argue that hes “blonde”, sal has fucking blue hair and i WILL color pick travis if i have to). he was the other gay character who… yep, lemme look at my notes… died.

he didnt even get much of a redemption tbh, yeah he was secretly helping them, but… wow. toss him in the hole! we dont want to write gays!!! (unless we’re taunting people to get them to play under the guise of “lgbt representation”)

also larrys a gnome and is just… gone forever. just say you hate larry, steve. you didnt have to do him so dirty man.

now then, lets talk about the gameplay.

i was playing with an xbox controller so im going to be from that POV.

the controls were… ok for the most part. the 3d part was a bit hard to see and i got stuck trying to walk past the trees a lot. 

to be honest, the 3d is my only complaint with controls. the mini game later on where youre 3d and shooting tentacles was very hard to control, half the time it wouldnt move fast enough and the other half it would zip past the diagonals. i DID beat it, but i am a very good gamer. to other people who might not play games constantly, might have a bit more trouble and get frustrated.

the puzzles were bland and repetitive. im a horror puzzle game writer and i would NEVER do something this blasphemous in a horror style game. it removes you from the game to think “wow…. THIS puzzle AGAIN?”. it makes you feel like its insulting your intelligence, like “oh here you go you fucking baby, move the shape to match the other shape”

and one of the only other puzzles was that fucking door number puzzle. he made the pluses almost impossible to see for starts, and i KNOW other people had trouble with this. Wanna know how to fix this? make the pluses easier to see and make it so the input pad can only except the number of numbers that the code it. dont make me sit there like a jackass, typing in every conceivable way to order the numbers given.

all in all though, the gameplay was plain, the storyline was bland, the puzzles were mediocre and the only reason to play the chapter is to close up the story and to find out what happened to sal and his mom (which tbh was the only good part because i was actually surprised and excited that it was that that injured him)

i hope in steves next projects he actually figures out how to write an ending and doesnt rush it (and please keep in mind this was rushed even though he had multiple people helping him)

-fox

[skyystars]

oc info about all my ethermourne stuff below the cut, if anyones interested! it is. a lot. 

edit: after writing this what the fuck thats so much- if you have any questions about them please dont hesitate to ask but i would not blame you if you took one look at this post and ran HSJDFH there’s like 35 listed and thats still not all of them. zoinks

ethermourne is your typical dnd esque world. theres two kinds of people in the world, commonfolk and enchanted, and enchanted are people that can use various forms of magic. in the current story, a secret underground rebellion is going on against the kingdom, in order to free enchanted and bring justice to the world. theres a million and one characters here so bear w me. all characters belonging to my friends are marked with a *

on the black rock pirate ship,

captain shining - a fierce and protective leader. human. she’d do anything for her crew. commonfolk. damn near unstoppable with a sword. lifelong partner to orion ethermourne

johnathan bramwell - the first mate. human. quiet and reserved but goofy when he opens up. storm mage. lover of the sky- hates being in crowded areas on land. intelligent, loves to read and write letters. eventual boyfriend to nordwood thatch

aspen* (no lastname i dont think?) - boatswain. human. somber and stoic, a bit detached. big on family. half blind. ice mage. acts as a father figure to delphi

calvin - carpenter. old soul. human. does a lot of the heavy lifting for the ship. excellent storyteller. fire mage. usually brings some sort of wisdom or moral to someone on the ship.

nellie - cooper. human. misses her family, but has a heart of gold for the ship. scottish- often times hard to understand. ability to turn invisible. has a crush on tobi

galen* - doctor. timid and polite. wants to help people, will sacrifice his own health and safety to look after someone else. human(?). necromancer. arrived on the ship with enmea and quickly became like a brother to kaido

delphi - gunner. a young girl, easily excitable and a bit of a romantic. human. looks out for the people her age on the ship, acts sisterly to them. able to read a few moments into the future. 

kaido - navigator. young, free spirited, reckless. human. flight and telekinesis. eager to fight or find adventure. causes trouble. protects enmea like a younger sister, and is looked after by galen, who he eventually accepts as an older brother.

enmea* - powder monkey. goblin, steals and bargains with the crew for fun but never means any real harm. witty and sarcastic. illusion and misdirection magic. especially loves to bother bramwell and nordwood with her antics. 

faine* - cook. satyr. loves to be the life of a party. has lived many years and mostly achieved peace but like, loves to dick around. plantaemancer. has a big crush on aspen. 

nordwood percival thatch* - bard. half sun elf. cocky, expensive tastes, confidence, and flirty. magic can summon figures of light/magic to do his bidding/can impact emotions of people in vicinity. hopelessly in love with bramwell.

-

on land,

artemis ethermourne - the king of the empire. sun elf. main antagonist. commonfolk. younger brother of orion and husband to rietta

orion ethermourne - original leader of the rebellion. sun elf. warlock (jack of all trades), considered one of the most powerful of his time. was publicly executed by his brother when caught. left apprentice muriel in charge. partner of shining.

muriel becker* (murr) - aasimar enchanted. missing his halo due to an incident he doesnt mention. wants to become skilled in magic and art. raven symbolism- along with having his own companion raven, keeha. very tired and stressed. secretly dating amaris.

amaris hayles* (mars) - hunter/scout, commonfolk. drow/moon elf. dry humor, but a lot goes over his head. responsible and caring, looks out for much of the rebellion. doesnt talk much. dating muriel.

chevel troubleice - inventor, commonfolk. human. low self esteem but he’s Trying. interested in alchemy and learns more about magic through his teacher, murr.

evercon archer - enchanted rebel scout. wood elf. air magic. considers himself a loner. nomadic, feigns a know-it-all attitude. doesnt like cities. under technical responsibility of amaris. eventually falls for woodrow.

tuka archer - enchanted rebel worker. wood elf. fire mage. responsible for helping safe travel for other through the woods. fur trader. big social personality, loves people and doesnt care too much what anyone thinks of him. brother to evercon and eventual lover to phinehas.

phinehas* - aasimar. i assume hes enchanted but now im actually not... sure....???? omg. anyway he’s soft, kindhearted and a poet. loves to write and is into theater. level headed for the most part. in love with tuka, ex of murr but on good terms!! theyre still friends

woodrow jace andes* - enchanted tiefling bard. extremely sad but makes jokes to cope. sad jokes. the kind that make everyone else uncomfortable. necromancer. lives in a fucking dragon skeleton which is kind of badass. is embarrassingly soft for evercon.

vaughn hayles* - moon elf. idk if he’s enchanted or nah. protector, guardian, soft spoken. looks after a village, family means a lot to him (despite being unmarried). amaris’ dad.

elena bramwell - human, commonfolk, deceased. was small and determined. bram remembers her fondly, and recalls that she enjoyed music and dance, as well as having a talent for making flowercrowns and storytelling. bramwell’s mother. 

tobi* - tavernkeep. commonfolk. he is liddol and irish and knows how to play the banjo. has a massive crush on nellie. i love him dearly

-

on the sundancer pirate ship,

captain sylvan skybridge - enchanted human. light magic. is very tired but patient with his crew. false confidence has kept him going for almost a decade and hes not stopping now. only slightly concerned about... everyone on his ship

paige* - first mate. commonfolk witch, able to just barely cast spells and enchant objects. jack-of-all-trades, cunning, and incredibly clever at problem solving. mothers the crew if anyones in need. has a crush on michael.

michael grey* - doctor. commonfolk? enchanted? we just don’t know. a little disillusioned with reality. can see ghosts and has a small gang that follows him everywhere. sylvan and paige are the only crew members hes vaguely familiar with. has a crush on paige. **note: michael has 4 ghosts that follow him but im not listing them here just yet hh

ashton everett* - gunner. commonfolk human. fearless, exhausted of the shenanigans, genuinely just looking for a hot siren girlfriend and dismantling the monarchy. 

oscar* - boatswain. chaotic, will start a fight- but hes pretty terrible at getting himself out of trouble. needs tucked in at night. inseparable from lew.

lew* - boatswain. calm, collected, used to oscar’s antics. helps take care of the ship, has a turtle. 

rhubarb* - cook. human enchanted. plant powers. just trying to get along with everybody. don’t insult his cooking he’s trying his hardest. probably the oldest on the ship.

waverly* - enchanted human. like a bird selkie, can turn into a raven. spends a lot of her time this way. escaped from a traveling circus and joined the crew to help free others like her. 

cloud* - siren. tried to bring down the sundancers crew to prove herself, failed miserably and ended up liking them all. flirts relentlessly but is god awful at it. 

-

additional notes:

-some of them exist in a modern au, mainly involving bram/nord/mars/murr as a ghost hunting gang who always finds themselves in the wrong place at the wrong time. bram and mars form a brotherly bond over time. in modern au elena is discovered to be alive. vaughn winds up falling in love with her (it is very cute).

-i often draw sylvan and captain ryan of the silent requiem. this pirate ship belongs to my friend sept and is placed in her own world, so none of that crew is mine ;w; most of their shenanigans are in a crossover state where a very sylvan begs ryan to teach him what to do as a captain, and ryan looks after him like a son (though he’d fucken deny it). young syl is far too curious for his own good and gets into trouble a lot. sorry dad

creds: galen, aspen, enmea, faine, nord, murr, mars, tobi, phinehas, woodrow, vaughn, and paige are all characters that belong to my friend bee. michael grey belongs to my friend jake. ashton belongs to my friend rueben.  oscar and lew belong to my friend kenzie. rhubarb belongs to my friend pasta. waverly belongs to my friend cal. cloud belongs to my friend sara. 

[letstalksymphogear]

Symphogear, EP. 5

LAST TIME ON SINGY WINGY

ANGRY GREMLIN BEAT UP GOOD BY SUICIDE MOVE SURVIVE BLUE BIRD YES. BLUE BIRD GO TO HOSPITAL FOR WATER METAPHOR WITH AFTERLIFE GIRLFRIEND. TINY BIRD SAD, BUT THEN NOT GET SAD! JACKIE CHAN TIME AFTER MUCH THINKING. WIFE WORRIED ABOUT THINGS. SOMETHING SOMETHING PUNCH GOOD NOW.

Let us continue.

Miku wakes up to see her wife has run off yet again. This is the part of the Sam Reimi’s Spiderman franchise phase where the Mary Jane (not weed) begins having a rockier relationship with Peter Parker (not slang for penis) due to lack of availability.

It’s contrived.

It’s almost impressive that she left a note and had time to draw a tiny Hibiki saying something in a bubble. Glad to see you have your priorities straight, Hibiki.

“you know she might have had a better time in the local art school that doodle aint half bad”

Hibiki is motherfucking Rocky all up in this.

She’s going to kick some ass and nobody’s getting in the way.

“YOU’RE GONNA EAT LIGHTING AND YOU’RE GONNA CRRRRRAP THUNDER TACHIBANAAAAA”

“THAT’S A DIET I CAN GET BEHIND”

I wasn’t joking when I said she’s not fucking around anymore. Did you think I was joking? I can see how you can get the impression given the first few episodes, but I really can’t emphasize the thoroughness of the ass kicking she is going to be capable of.

“MY FATHERLY ENERGIES ARE WORKING! ADOPTERS ANONYMOUS WAS WRONG AFTER ALL!”

That’s totally not ominous in the slightest.

Meanwhile, in the middle of an unnamed McMansion in the middle of who knows where...

Gratuitously spoken English is heard. To be fair, it’s actually really impressive pronunciation coming from people whose native language are systemically different to ours. Most shows would just settle for “this dude is actually speaking english but everything is said in japanese for better interpretation” but not Symphogear! No siree!

Relic business is afoot.

We have a random blonde lady shooting random Noise from the thing The Gremlin had in her hands.

She’s really trying her best with her accent. She’s also casually shooting Noise because let’s face it, would we not do the same if it were in our hands?

“i do whatever i want with my big stiff rod pal”

Also, she’s a nudist. To also be fair, if you lived in a fuckoff rich McMansion with weapons beyond your comprehension, you likely couldn’t help but walk around naked doing whatever the fuck you want.

The people she’s talking to are the Americans, which we explained before are portrayed strictly in an antagonistic light. They want some relics, and this lady clearly deals them like like some sort of glorified drug dealer.

Suffice it to say, she’s not a very nice person.

Also, the subs don’t match what they’re saying in English in the slightest.

The name of this woman... is Fine (pronounced fi-neh). And she is the main antagonist of this series.

Fucking identical.

And here is the most unpleasant scene in the entire season.

The person we’ve repeatedly alluded to as The Gremlin is called Yukine Chris. She serves Fine in whatever the hell they’re up to right now. In this case, it’s using the Nehushtan armor to run around with Solomon’s Cane to throw Noise around the city.

“shits gonna get real abusive, pal”

Fine is a narcissistic sociopath. She’s manipulated Chris into servitude by believing she is the only one that can pave humanity into salvation.

“i dont like that smile”

Chris thinks Fine can secure her deepest wish. Ironically? It’s world peace.

“yeah! yeah yeah, world peace, yeah, totally. just treat me like jesus and we’re gucci”

Anyway, she proceeds to thoroughly shock Chris.

The lore behind this is that this is helping her resistance with dealing with the physical demands of the Nehushtan armor, as well as deal with the pieces of Nehushtan that may be still inside. Let’s be real, though. Fine’s a sadist, and just likes hurting people willy nilly.

“fuck... that hurt like shit... hey wait... wouldnt some of the electrical arcs hit you and shock you too, given you’re so naked and close to all this...?”

“ya nevermind that food looks real nice and i want a piece of that fuckin turkey”

It’s a real creepy scene, and it cements Fine’s horribleness really well. One of the most pivotal things to take note is that Fine says that people can only communicate with each other universally through pain. Strong, terrible BDSM overtones notwithstanding, this will be a common (though varying in quality) motif of the entire series.

“BITCH YOU THOUGHT WE WAS GUNNA EAT AFTER THAT FUCKIN’ WISECRACK ABOUT GETTING SHOCKED LIKE YOU’RE EVEN FUCKIN’ NIKOLAI TESLA ALL UP IN HERE WE’RE GONNA ELECTRIC SLIDE YOUR ASS TO NEXT WEEK”

“FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK”

“WHERE THE FUUUUUUUCK IS HIBIKI?!”

“i was gonna invite her to the circus with the rest of the class ‘cause i felt bad about how i treated her but i guess she’s not here”

“the only clown im interested in is hibiki, in the carnival tent of my own bedroom”

“isn’t being a part of /fit/ great, hibiki? can you just feel the gains?”

“yeah who needs doting wife based significant others when you have your gym bros, right newly acquired father figure?”

Hibiki, having acquired a new brain cell during her training, asks the million dollar question:

“Why the fuck are we relying on schoolgirls to deal with all this stuff?”

“anime just be that way, hibiki. i’m just the wrong protagonist in the wrong show.”

Japan is super big on keeping the Symphogear a secret because they are strong and the world really, really wants a slice of the Symphogear pie. These people are basically walking super-weapons. Tsubasa literally dropped a sword the size of a skyscraper. It’s like the premise of the series of Iron Man films.

“do i get like a superhero name too or”

Something to wrap your head around. This was released around 2012, and while the setting seems to be slightly more futuristic, the world it was made in at the time had not been through the era of social media/smartphones we have right now. It was on the cusp of doing so, which means the idea of decent (yet vertical) amateur footage of things happening wasn’t something in the mainstream yet. Why do I say this?

Because in Symphogear, the fact that Symphogear exist is the biggest open secret in this unidentified city ever. NDAs are passed like hotcakes to keep people’s mouths shut on seeing monster-fighting singing superheroes. And they sing, too! Symphogears as an entity are the most high-profile fighting agents out there. Bright colors, no masks, constant singing, fighting in broad daylight in populated areas. Everybody knows, but no one says a word.

Which means every politician on the face of Japan hates these idiots, but they’re stuck with them out of sheer necessity.

“i swear to god if you bring up sam reimi’s spiderman one more goddamned time”

“look it’s the truth, all anime comes back to sam reimi’s spiderman. fate zero did it. uhhh, fucking...baccano, probably? now us. face it. its pretty much the bible.”

It’s also pointed out that the very concept of a Symphogear is born from a science that didn��t exist, and it probably contributes to political frustration as well.

“im going to microwave all your sam reimi spiderman dvds. im gonna do it. you try me, motherfucker. i didnt go into acting and get into this position to hear lectures about a decades old film franchise nobody cares about anymore.”

“can we stop fighting about the validity of sam reimi’s spiderman for five seconds and get back to helping me thing of a dope as hell superhero name? now, lemme lay one on you: Mister Fister”

Hibiki asks where Code Ryoko is.

“any answer besides Not Here works”

“oh, she left to talk to the americans, why?”

“huh, shes sorta late, actually”

“WHY A BAD BITCH LIKE ME GOTTA GET STUCK IN TRAFFIC LIKE THIS”

In the mother of all Mom Vans, no less.

MEANWHILE... IN METAPHOR LIMBO...

Tsubasa has reached the sea floor of the water metaphor dimension surrounded by water, which is her feelings, which are very gay. Imagine the Mariana Trench but like, deeper. Way deeper. That’s where Tsubasa is.

Leave it to Kazanari “I am literally a sword” Tsubasa to successfully spin the very act of surviving a suicidal move during combat as a failure. That’s a special kind of self loathing right there.

“the sheer force of my love for big ladies is keeping me alive”

Tsubasa asks about the point of Kanade’s sacrifice. Why’d she do it? Why was she so hungry at the end?

She personally shows up to answer that question, because that’s Kanade for you.

“being badass is cool, but you know whats cooler? caring.”

“sharing the sauce... you... you shared the sauce...”

“thats right, tsubasa. i wanted to protect the sauce, but... ultimately... sharing it was better. it wasn’t my sauce, tsubasa. it was everyone’s...”

“im gonna suck on a ketchup packet in your memory, tsubasa”

Kanade’s spirit pulls her out of the dimension of water metaphors as she is slowly undrowning from her emotions.

Tsubasa, like Kanade, was lost in the sauce. But now, after Kanade’s touching peptalk, Tsubasa is lost no longer.

“will i ever see you again in my dreams, kanade...?”

“where there’s a sauce. i’ll be there.”

“ill eat taco bell every day just to see you again kanade”

“and i dont even like taco bell... im more of a chipotle girl...”

After accepting Taco Bell as her lord and savior, she is immediately pulled out of the metaphor zone.

And wakes the fuck up.

“b..... b..... b............”

“Baja Blast....”