#dragged into a world she doesnt know and then blamed for her ignorance when that same world perpetuated her ignorance

[mae-i-scribble]

rereading witch hat altier has me so mad the beginning chapters with how everyone treats coco. like i get it agete has her reasons for treating coco the way she does and its completely understandable as to what drives her to do so- but also never in my life have i wanted to smack a preteen upside the head like i want to do with her. And then you get to the dragon incident where the three are drawn in with coco and then both agete and tetia turn and put the full blame on coco. And then coco just accepts it like its a natural thing and IM MISERABLE

[minas-linkverse]

At a risk of being controversial: I really dont enjoy the fanon trope of making Hylia a villain. I dont claim people who do that are evil or sexist, there's obivous writing potential there and people are allowed to explore it. I personally however find it uncomfortable, and I want to speak out in case someone else feels the same and would be relieved to not be alone.

Hylia as a character is a ...fairly new addition to franchise. We first learn of her in skyward sword, a game that's story aims to explain the reincarnation cycle's excistence.

I think due to that, and how in botw we see the first canon story that potrays the cycle as bad, its easy for new and old fans to point at hylia and go: I dont trust this. (It doesnt help Hylia is connected to vague christian imaginary and people have their own issues with religion.)

Again I dont blame people for this, some fans are new, some are coping with religious trauma, and some just wanna explore the cool concept that is reincarnating heroes.

However, my discomfort comes from a few facts in this matter that I want to put out there for people to consider.

My first issue is that Hylia is not the person who started the issue. We know the evil force that is Demise existed before the cycle, and for some reason or another Hylia nor the other goddesses could not stop him. Hylia made her plan in order to seal demise away for good, and it didnt work. It just didn't work.

It doesnt matter if demise cursed the reincarnation thing or if Hylia decided it'd repeat forever. The fact is that theres a malicious unquestionably evil force that a goddess tried to stop and failed.

You can dislike her plan all you want, but hindsight is 20/20 and all that—

Okay, breather, I am passionate about this but I know my opinion isnt the objective fact. Maybe Hylia could stop this cycle and try something else, maybe she is inhuman in mind and spirit and doesnt comprehend the horrors she has caused. We don't know and you can fill these blanks as you see fit.

But uhm, this does bring me to my second opinion, which might be harder to take seriously it you're disagreeing with this post already.

I think there's sexism around how fans treat Zelda and Hylia, not helped at all by Nintendo's own actions.

I see people be put off by skyward sword Zelda, perhaps writing her unemphatic and clueless of Link's battles to find her. So much so that we ignore the fact she too was ripped from home, told she has to be someone else, and forced to drag her best friend along so the world wouldnt end. She is a victim too, but why do we forget this?

In my opinion it's partly due to the bad writing of women Nintendo keeps doing. Zelda is written so... perfect. Nintendo refuses to aknowledge her flaws as a person and instead is like look how pretty she is, she apologises and Link forgives her, so you should too! ...When, if you dont do so, it feels like you're being manipulated or dismissed whenever she is on screen.

An issue that repeats with Hylia as well. With many Zeldas in many games.

To react to that tonal dissonance with writing Zelda/Hylia as evil is... normal, I think. I don't blame people for feeling that way.

But,, That seems unfair to me. A female character with potential to be complex and good was failed by the writers, and now we as fans continue from that point with making her even worse.

I dont dislike fans who do this, you're just participating in fandom the way you see fit, but I cant enjoy it, it makes me upset. These women are not evil, Link isn't the only character being hurt deeply, and if you could please consider female characters beyond how they hurt ya boy, I'd be so relieved.

...

I'll repeat what I said at the start, I dont claim people who do this are evil or sexist. People are having fun in fandom, and ngl demise sucks as a villain and Hylia is way more interesting to explore.

I just... I think its worth asking yourself why her. Why you don't or do like Zelda. Engaging in things you love with an analytic eye is genuinely good for you and the media you're enjoying.

This in no means is meant to come off as an attack, Im just requesting we look at another angle of things, maybe just to say we did.

I uh, thanks for reading.

[anotherhellchild]

📁❤️ I really like your head canons and wanted to see if you had any about Bakugou’s home life

oh boy okay well, tbh im in camp 'mitsuki and masaru bakugou are assholes' so disclaimer right away: This is not a mitsuki/masaru friendly post.

also, i got most my inspiration/ideas from Sif, her hc's and fics are amazing.

This is gonna be very general probably and also pretty messy/ all over the place but if anyone wants me to elaborate or clarify then just lmk. 

ALRIGHT SO, first and foremost, i think the bakugou’s r really neglectful. Theyve always worked very busy jobs together in the fashion industry and they go on lots of work trips and stuff. i think that from the moment they deemed it possible, mitsuki and masaru have been letting katsuki stay home alone for long periods of time. as katsuki kept getting older and more independent (which he had to be) I imagine theyd gradually start leaving for longer and longer. 

also, i think that the communication in the house is TERRIBLE. like, often times mitsuki and masaru would just not inform katsuki of their whereabouts and katsuki wouldnt inform them of his either cause,, nobody ever asked/cared. So most of the time katsuki’d just find out his parents are gone whenever theyre literally not there and then its just like, ‘shit, nobody made dinner’. or smth. 

and, obviously, the bad communication does not stop there. I feel like especially when he was younger, mitsuki would contradict herself on lots of things (as lots of parents do) like ”you are the child and i am the adult, therefore you must listen to me” but then she’s also like “You are not a child, stop acting like one and get your shit together”. Little katsuki would get so frustrated at this and so confused. I imagine that eventually he’d realize he can never be in the right with her, and thats when he starts resenting her a lot which builds up.

oh btw, I should mention; i dont think katsuki was planned at all. I dont think that mitsuku or masaru wanted to have a kid but then they did and it kinda threw their life around (obviously). mostly for mitsuki i think this effected her career quite heavily for a time and she’s blamed that on katsuki ever since. so she’s always resented him on a level.

But yeah, as i was saying, i think mitsuki and masaru r those types of people that were just never fit to be parents. they dont have the patience or care that u need for a child and it shows. I think masaru is the type to ignore and mitsuki is the type to get frustated too easily and lose her cool. So whenever katsuki was being ‘annoying’ or ‘bad’ he’d immediately be shut up or ignored. No time for explanations or reasoning.

Now, if we go back a step,, katsuki is a super independent kid. a consequence to this is that he’s had to teach himself a lot of things and sometimes those things just arent right. He doesnt know that though because he’s had to collect his knowledge from all over the place, which he thinks is normal. so then for example: maybe he’s fought with a kid at school and the bakugou’s are called. They’re both extremely mad at him but he doesnt understand why. If he gets hit, why would he not be allowed to hit too? Is that not how it works? WOuldn’t that be unfair?

but yeah, because he’s basically had to figure the world out himself, with mostly bad influences to look up to. he’s got a pretty messed up worldview. 

Now, i ALSO think that despite mitsuki and masaru not really caring about katuski in general, they DO want to have that ‘we have a good kid’ status, yknow? like, they cant have katsuki embarrassing them or something. I think he’d be dragged along to a lot of places he never wanted to go (dinners, fashion shows, whatever) and forced to wear all fancy clothes and act all neat with no reward. consequences for ‘being a little bitch’ as his mom puts it, are not pretty.

he’s a smart and talented kid too though, and it seems, even to masaru and mitsuki, like he doesnt have to do much for it. which makes them think he’s lazy and stuff and thats not good. so they expect him to work for everything he does at 100% . again, consequences are not pretty.

generally as well, i think there are so many fights in the house. katuski speaks up whenever he disagrees with bullshit and even though he’s never won an argument, he’s always wanted to. so he’s not going to stop. 

so yeah, basically theyre strict, neglectful and abusive. There are extreme’s they go to, and because katsuki is just the type to disobey shit he doesnt agree with, those are often used.

It’s been said by Sif before, but i really like the idea that todoroki and bakugou both had bad childhoods but in opposite directions. Thats probably the best way to describe it.

Actually, Ive had a fic in my head for a long time that would partly focus on katsuki’s entire childhood and kinda explain my thoughts on it

But anyway, this is getting ridiculously long and i probably have more i could say plus i can definitely go into more detail. as you can see though, my thoughts are a fucking mess. hopefully this made some sense. again, let me know if u wanna know more! :)

[ghost-go-roasty-mctoasty]

What if hallucifer stayed with Sam throughout the whole show? What if cass didn't really fix the problem, but only took the pain away?

Sam walks out of that hospital knowing he's not alright. Knowing he's never gonna be alright. He gets into shotgun, dean smiling next to him warmly, Lucifer smiling at him from the back seat. Cold dead eyes.

Lucifer is there with him when dean and cass get blasted to who knows where. Crowley tells him he's all on his own, Lucifer laughs next to him.

He meets Amelia, but eventually she leaves him. He doesn't blame her, who would want to be with a guy who talks to air and barely sleeps? He starts drinking a lot after that.

Dean comes back, from purgatory apparently. He doesn't know about lucifer, Sam never told him, didn't want to make himself a bigger burden for his brother. So he lies, tells him he was with Amelia this whole time. Dean gets angry. Sam knew he would, but it's easier this way.

Lucifer is with him when they find the bunker, commenting on the ugly lamps. Sam snickers, dean looks at him weird, but doesn't say anything.

Lucifer is with him when he completes the first trial. He looks down to Sam who is covered in blood. He points to the dead hellhound. "I knew that one." He says. "Her name was Ashley."

Lucifer is with him when he goes to hell to rescue bobbys soul. "I did not miss this place." Lucifer whispers next to him. A shiver goes down Sam's spine.

Lucifer is with him when he's just about to finish the last trial. Lucifer always keeps quiet when Sam is completing trials, something about "purification." Sam doesn't really know, he mostly blocks him out.

He's there when dean comes and stops him. He's yelling at Dean, telling him to go, leave them. But dean cant hear him, he knows he cant hear him. Sam doesnt know why Lucifer even tries.

Lucifer is in the back seat of the impala when Sam wakes up. He doesn't remember getting into the impala. He remembers passing out in the mud in front of the church. His clothes are clean now though. Lucifer is quiet.

Lucifer has stopped talking to him, he just hovers now. It's driving Sam mad. He's not used to the strange silence, but he doesn't suspect anything weird until he starts losing fragments of his day.

He starts noting down time frames that he loses. He started when he was researching in the library at 2:45pm, blacked out, and came to in the kitchen at 3:14pm. Lucifer stays out of his way. Sam sometimes thinks he has a look of pity on his face, but that can't be right, can it?

Sam eventually asks dean about this. His brother just brushes him off. Lucifer continues to hover.

Crowley comes and saves him. Sam kicks the angel out. He opens his eyes to see Lucifer staring at his brother. "I guess sammy has a thing for kicking angles out."

Deans starting to get suspicious. Sam's zoning out more and more. Eyes glazing over as he just listens to Lucifer ramble on about nothing. About everything.

"You good Sammy?" Dean asks him one day while they're eating breakfast. Sam answers too fast. Dean only gets more suspicious.

Dean eventually finds out, Sam knew he would sooner or later. He finds dean with alcohol more often now. A look of guilt is permanently stuck on Sam's face.

"Its not your fault Sammy." Dean always tells him. Sam is finding it harder to believe him.

Sam zones out more often. The only thing that can bring him back is deans touch. Deans heavy hand on his shoulder bringing him back down to earth, grounding him. Deans always looking at him with this sad smile. Sam feels like he's failed him.

Lucifer is with him when he finds out dean got the mark of Cain. "Oh that's a nasty little thing." Lucifer comments next to him. Sam has taken to ignoring him, it eases deans mind.

Dean is getting worse and worse. And so is Sam. Dean is slowly losing care for Sam and he's not there for him anymore. He's not there to ground him, to pull him back.

Sam starts zoning out for longer periods of time. Dean doesn't seem to care, only rolls his eyes. Lucifer watches perched on a chair next to him. "Does big bro not love you anymore?" Sam flinches.

Lucifer is there when dean dies.

Lucifer is there when Sam finds the note. "Aww big brother left you." Lucifer laughs.

Sam is spiralling. Lucifer talks to him more and more as Sam searches for his brother. No-one is there to ground him anymore. No-one is there to help him. One day Sam accidently talks back to Lucifer. Lucifer looks shocked for half a second before that cold smirk comes back to his face.

"Its been years since you talked to me Sammy." Lucifer says one day as Sam is reading a book on demons. "I missed our little talks." Sam slams the book shut. "Shut up." He hisses.

Lucifer is right there as Sam ducks down to avoid the hammer. "I never knew why Alastair liked this one." Cass appears. Thank god. Sam falls back against the wall and helplessly covers his ears. He knows it won't block him out. "Sure he ripped apart a lot of souls in hell, but a hammer?" Sam hits his head against the wall. "Shut up shut up shut up." Lucifer laughs at him. Cass pays him no mind.

Lucifer is there when the darkness is unleashed. "Ooh aunty." He says next to Sam. Sam flinches, dean places a hand on his arm. All three stand there and watch.

"You know, I find it really uncomfortable that your brother has a thing for my aunt." Lucifer says one day. Sam looks him right in the eye. "Shut up, Lucifer." Sam hasn't looked directly at Lucifer for at least 3 years. Lucifer smiles coldly at him as dean walks up to Sam, worry and fear etched into his face. Palms out towards him like he's trying not to scare off a frightened animal. Sam doesn't feel too far off from that.

Lucifer is with Sam when he goes to see real Lucifer. Sam thinks he's going crazy.

"So, you're still seeing me huh?" Real Lucifer asks him. Sam sucks in a breath as Lucifer stands to the side of the cage. "Oh c'mon Sam. I've been inside that head of yours. There's nothing I don't know about you." Real Lucifer smiles down at him. Or is it fake Lucifer? Sam doesn't know anymore.

Lucifer is with him as he gets tourted by the British men of letters. Always sending words of encouragement, towards Toni.

Lucifer is sitting on the steps. "Ah remember our lovely time down under?" He asks, titling his head to get a better view of what the lady was doing. "Ooh blowtorch. You never did like fire huh?" Sam screams. He can bearly hear Lucifers laughter over his own screams of pain.

Dean comes and saves him. Hands all over him as soon as they're out. Lucifer rolls his eyes at them. "Mother hen." Sam tenses up.

Lucifer is there when their mother leaves them. "I guess everyone hates ya huh Sammy?" Lucifer smiles at him. Dean doesn't react, doesn't even look at him.

"Never did like the brits." Lucifer says one day. Sam smiles. Deans hands are on him straight away.

Lucifer is there when Jack is born. Lucifer is there when cass is killed. Sam thinks he's seeing double, two Lucifers talking to him at the same time.

One Lucifer stays with him, one goes with his mother. He's not sure which is which. So he asks. Lucifer laughs at him. Dean doesn't put a hand on him.

Dean always stands closer to him after that, he's always making sure that they're touching, that they're shoulders are brushing. Lucifer gets annoyed at dean. Tries to hurt him. Sam sleeps less and less, just in case, just in case one day Lucifer succeeds.

Lucifer sits right next to Sam one day, getting all up in his personal space. Dean isn't in the room. Sam silently sobs.

Lucifer is always hovering around Jack, making terrible remarks about the kid. Sam snaps one day. "Leave him alone!" Lucifer smiles at him, Jack looks up at him like a confused puppy, and dean is dragging him out of the room, his fingers digging into his shoulder blade.

Jack has started to avoid him after that. Dean tells him not to worry about it, but it breaks Sam's heart. Lucifer laughing at him for it all the time is not helping.

Lucifer is there when the vampires get him. Cheering to the side of the cave. And Lucifer is there when he wakes up. He didn't know that it was the real Lucifer.

Lucifer is with him when he makes it back to Dean, both of them. Sam only knows which one is real beacuse everyone is looking at that one. Sam feels like he's failed Dean, again.

Dean hugs Sam, but it doesn't feel real, it doesn't feel right. Lucifer pokes his blood caked neck, Sam jerks away from dean. Dean looks at him with heart broken eyes.

Deans hand is on him all the time now. Holding his arm, brushing their shoulders together. It makes Sam feel jumpy.

Sam makes sure Lucifer stays in this world. He doesn't know which one he trapped, but he hopes it was fake Lucifer. Real Lucifer is easier to deal with.

Lucifer is there when real Lucifer is killed. Sam smiles at him.

"So much for your win Sammy." Lucifer says one day while Sam is sitting in the darkness of his room. "Sure you killed me, but you lost your big brother." Sam wishes he could punch him.

Lucifer is there when Sam gets dean back.

Dean makes a comment on his beard. "Don't listen to him Sammy." Lucifer says as dean walks off. "I think you look good." Sam shaves his beard off after that.

Lucifer is there when Michael possesses dean again. He's laughing the whole time. Dean won't help him, can't help him. Dean is gone.

"Let him in the box Sam!" Lucifer suddenly snaps at him one day, making Sam jump. "Get rid of Michael!" Sam starts to cry. It's too much, not even deans touch is helping him anymore. It feels wrong, alien.

Nick attacks him, Lucifer is cheering him on. "Ah I wish he was my true vessel!" Lucifer exclaims as Sam's vision darkens.

Mary is dead, Jack is gone. "Bye bye mother Mary." Lucifer sings. Sam flinches, dean doesn't care.

"Oh so you can't put your brother in that box, but you sure as hell can put my son in?" Lucifer is yelling in his ear. Sam punches the air. Deans hands on him don't help.

Chuck comes back. Lucifer snarls at him, never stops yelling at him. It's hard for Sam to pay attention to anything, he can't hear anything over Lucifers yelling. Deans hand is on his shoulder the whole time, but he seems out of it.

Lucifer was quiet for a while after God killed Jack. Sam counts his blessings.

Lucifer is there when they rendered chuck powerless. He seems to have a grateful look on his face.

Lucifer isn't there when dean dies.

Lucifer isn't there when miracle dies.

Lucifer is there when Sam's on his death bed. He's standing in the corner of the room, arms crossed over his chest. He waves, and Sam's vision fades.

Sam's free.

Sam's finally free.

[thebibliomancer]

Archaia’s Jim Henson’s The Dark Crystal Age of Resistance #12

The Journey into the Mondo Levidian Part 4

In this installment, they do not journey into the Mondo Levidian at all. Maybe this should have been titled Into the Guts and Back Again: A Gelfling’s Tale.

In part one, newly All-Maudra’d Mayrin deals with a Sifan separatist crisis but also plenty of unresolved mother-induced insecurity issues. She charters a ride with Captain Kam’Lu to speak to the separatist leader Fenth but a sea monster sinks the ship.

In part two, Mayrin and Kam’Lu are adrift at sea on a raft following the sinking but then they get eaten by a sea monster. The two meet the monster gut dwelling Boblings and learn that they have a limited time before the Mondo Levidian returns to the deeps and then there’ll be no escape for a trine. With the Bobling King’s daughter Gunda, the two set off on a journey out of the Mondo Levidian.

In part three, Mayrin, Kam’Lu, and Gunda set off on a journey to the Mondo Levidian’s porticol and fight a lot of Zoa. Mayrin and Kam’Lu become friends on the basis of name-shortening. And Mayrin flies Kam’Lu out of the closing porticol to save him from Zoa and prove her mom wrong.

So they’re out of the giant fish so what more is left of the story at this point? The answer is beneath the keep reading.

So let’s get started!

Dot arrives on SkekSa’s totally sweet monster/ship which she is very proud of.

SkekSa: “Greetings and welcome to the greatest behemoth in the Silver Sea, Ambassador Dot’leth! You’re aboard an unstoppable ship built with Skeksis ingenuity. Does our mastery of nature itself make you tremble in awe?”

Dot: “I assume you mean the second greatest behemoth in the Silver Sea, considering the attack on the Sifan ship that cost the lives of All-Maudra Mayrin and Captain Kam’Lu --”

SkekSa: “Well, yes, that was reported... but the captain of this ship has yet to find any proof of the alleged creature that destroyed the Sifan ship.”

Now, at first blush, this seems like SkekSa slipping up and accidentally admitting culpability like Prince Humperdinck in Princess Bride and his fastest ships.

But when the Mondo Levidian emerges from underwater, SkekSa goes from ‘what the heck’ to ‘i WANT that.’

SkekSa: “Second-greatest behemoth in the sea... bah! What does that ignorant old Vapran know about the sea! The only monsters here are --”

Mondo Levidian: -emerges-

SkekSa: “Oh. What other secrets are hiding in this infernal world...?”

And

SkekSa: “It’s been many trine since SkekSa discovered such a wonder -- and a majestic creature such as this deserves a naming ceremony! Vassa... You will be mine! The Mariner sails only the greatest creature -- er, ship -- in all of Thra!”

I had been assuming that the Mondo Levidian attack was a conspiracy by SkekSa to seize power for her preferred Gelfling clan. But it seems like it was just crazy random happenstance that she and Fenth got opportunistic over.

Also, holy crap, Dot has a full name?

And Fenth and Dot are implied to have History, being a little awkward around each other.

Over on top of the sea monster, Mayrin and Kam’Lu discover that the Zoa (led by the Zoa wearing clothes. The Necrozoa?) are following them up and out of the porticol. Mayrin and Kam’Lu have to take to the air again to try to escape to SkekSa’s ship.

Watching all of this happen, SkekSa settles on ‘bored of this.’

SkekSa: “New plan. SkekSa doesnt’ care anymore about your Gelfling squabbles.”

Fenth: “But...! But....! You said I could have power! We had a deal!”

SkekSa: “And SkekSa is bored of politics. I want that creature. I will be unstoppable, and all of Thra will be mine to explore! Entire lands waiting to be named -- named after me!”

I kind of like that SkekSa’s priorities are 1) Giant monsters, 2) Naming a lot of shit after herself, 3) The Sifan, I guessss. 2.5) is probably ‘ugh Skeksis politics uuugh.’

Mayrin manages to lead most of the Zoa swarm in front of the Mondo Levidian which jumps up and eats them.

She lands on the deck of SkekSa’s ship and has a moment with Kam’Lu.

This very good friendship has just become a kissing relationship.

It has been a hell of an enemies to lovers for them, huh?

The remaining Zoa and the Zoa-in-clothes, identified as being a queen Zoa? land on SkekSa’s dreadnought and Mayrin declares that the Zoa stand before a United Thra “Vapran courage and Sifan honor!” and for the Zoa to turn back or be destroyed.

Then there’s a massive Zoa vs Gelfling fight scene with SkekSa yelling for them to get off her ship.

I adore her.

Fenth gets upset that Mayrin is uniting the Sifa and Vapra and decides ‘hey, all kinds of things can happen in the heat of combat’ and throws an entire ass sword at Mayrin’s back.

But Kam’Lu blocks the attack with the goo shield (which he evidently kept). And its a bit of a broken pedestal moment considering Kam’Lu’s personality in issue one was ‘hey did you hear this cool stuff Fenth is saying??’

Kam’Lu: “Vile traitor! I trusted you! I believed in your lies and your wisdom! I thought you would lead us to something better... But you are the poison to all Gelfling-kind -- a poison I can no longer willingly imbibe!”

Good for you, Kam’Lu.

The war against the bugs ends when Mayrin stabs the queen Zoa in the eye and yells a defiant speech to her.

Mayrin: Queen, I am not one for violence -- But I will resort to it if I must! I will do whatever is necessary to save my kind -- just like you. We are the same! Please! Turn away! Turn away and end this needless bloodshed!”

And the queen Zoa does.

Whether actually moved or cowed by Mayrin’s speech or because she’s smart enough not to go in for sunk cost, the queen and the remaining Zoa take off.

Good job, Mayrin.

Although, it is funny that you tried to sue for peace when you earlier described the queen Zoa as “a monster filled with blind hate, resentment, and beastly rage. Something born in the pit of despair and darkness... Something that knows only hunger and power.”

But it won’t be the first time that Gelfling were way off in regards to the Arathim slash offshoots, nor the last.

Still, it feels right that the final boss of Mayrin’s plot was a giant monster queen wearing her mother’s clothes that she fends off by confidently telling to buzz off.

Fenth tries to blame the whole situation on Mayrin for leading the bugs to the ship, which is technically true. But Kam’Lu has become Mayrin’s biggest supporter because the boy believes with all his heart.

Kam’Lu: “You’re wrong! Mayrin is here because she had to save us at all costs! She is here because she is fighting to keep the seven clans together! She has been through a bizarre adventure, struggling through the stomach of monsters unknown!”

“I was just like Fenth -- I distrusted Mayrin because she was a Vapran. But Mayrin has saved my life too many times to count. She proved her strength in the toothrakes! She outwitted the horrifying King Bobling! She fought bravely and earned the respect of the greatest warrior of Bajula! She is what the Sifa clan needs. What all Gelfling need! In the darkness of the Mondo Leviadin, Mayrin led the way. I believe in her.”

“LONG LIVE ALL-MAUDRA MAYRIN!”

“And I swear, from this day to my last, when my body is taken by Thra, that I will fight for her -- by her side. As her friend... Her captain... Her...”

And then he trails off there because Mayrin holds his hand and the poor boy only has so much processing power.

Also, he kinda embellished Mayrin’s accomplishments by saying she outwitted the “horrifying” Bobling King. That guy was a kitten.

The Sifan Maudra is intrigued by all this love biz and asks Mayrin what she would do if the Sifans do decide to leave the clans.

Mayrin: “If we are to separate, then the seas will weep for the lonely Sifa clan. The mountains of Ha’rar will shake in the bitter Vapran gales. We must be the shining light of Thra -- together!”

“We are the living monuments of everything that touches us, be it the good and warm that gives us hope... or the malice and greed that drives us down darker paths. And... I wear my mother’s colors. I know it. I feel it -- I accept it. But I am not my mother.”

“I promise that I will bleed for you! I will fight for you! I will break my body in half to ensure that you have yours! To sail the sea as you see fit! So please, give me the chance to prove it to you! Give me the chance to fail and to succeed! if you do... Perhaps we may all grow old together -- knowing what unity is meant to be... knowing what love is --”

WOO!

Fenth is less than thrilled. Not just for his thwarted ambitions but because SkekSa has thoroughly gotten sick of him and is probably annoyed that she had to sit through all these speeches without even getting a giant sea monster.

She grabs him and drags him away through the crowd while everyone is distracted being jubilant.

SkekSa: “Take a long look at the Silver Sea, Fenth -- It will be many trine before you witness it again... Skeksis friend SkekTek the Scientist has plans for Gelfling who fail!”

Huh. Wonder what that means. This is way too soon for draining to be on the table.

Later, WEDDING TIME!

On the cliff above Raunip’s pass, the Sifan and Vapran come together for the wedding of Mayrin and Kam’Lu.

Dot assumes that Mayrin chose the venue so she can fly Raunip’s Pass with the power of love but Mayrin chose the venue so she can deliberately not do that because she’s done following her mom’s path.

Mayrin: “You have taught me the most important thing, Kam’Lu -- that I am the only one responsible for the path I fly. That we must all chart our own path -- and that we cannot do that when the dense cloud of grief fogs our vision. And that to be my best self -- no matter who it is that I am -- I must be myself. Faults and failures and scars and all. Understanding that acceptance is not the same as failure. We must think of the future of our kind.”

Its also implied that Mayrin is already pregnant as she declares that she’ll name her firstborn Seladon, after Mayrin’s mother.

... It is incredibly ironic. Mayrin declares that she’s going to set her own path and then chooses her mother’s name for her daughter. The daughter that she’s going to repeat a lot of Seladon I’s parenting mistakes with, giving Seladon II a whopping case of insecurity and unfortunately no character building adventure with a hunky sea captain.

Hm. I wonder what happens with Kam’Lu. That whole family situation probably would have been less of a timebomb with him around. Alas, the sea is a harsh mistress. Full of fish and salt.

So, the last arc of Archaia’s Jim Henson’s Dark Crystal Age of Resistance comics. I still have two of the YA novels to read but with the cancellation of the show, who can say when there will be more comics.

But the comic ends strong. We visit another parent when they’re young and get to see more wild Thra life. We get to see SkekSa! She’s a delight. We get to see another side of the Sifan than the brief appearances in the show.

Thanks for the good times, Archaia’s Jim Henson’s The Dark Crystal Age of Resistance comic.

[lvmosity]

saviour | harry potter

pairing: harry potter x muggleborn!hufflepuff!reader

requested: yes! by @scoofpoof​ thank u ♡

request: can i request for a harry potter x muggleborn! hufflepuff! reader? reader doesnt know harry potter (gasp) but he does bc they grew up in the same place and he lowkey has a crush on her. reader still doesnt know harry potter in school n is one of the top students. harry knows that she is physically strong bc she plays muggle sports n knows self defense. shes kind but not a coward so one time harry asks for help when he is being bullied n she agrees... reluctantly. u can choose the ending. thanks!

genre: fluff maybe?

word count: 3.4k (ok i didnt expect this to be long)

warnings: bullying, mentions of blood & scars, reader is a badass

tags: @sadhwstudent​ 

credit to the owner of the gif

It had only been less than two months since the news of Lord Voldemort’s supposed return from the dead had spread throughout the Wizarding World and all Harry Potter could do was watch in frustration as people branded him as a liar and deranged. He had to thank the Ministry of Magic, primarily Minister Fudge who took full control of this and covered up what he thinks to be complete utter nonsense. It wasn’t a surprise to him really as the Ministry of Magic were, after all, corrupt and incompetent.

Whilst Harry lied in bed feeling extremely alone and lost during those months, he did not get a single letter from his two best friends; Ron and Hermione, despite their promises. He was starting to wonder if they too had turned blind and decided their friendship wasn’t worth it but after finally meeting up one day for an explanation, he realised it was done so under Dumbledore’s orders which made the situation worse.

Then the events that followed after made it harder to cope with. He had discovered an old alliance formed by Dumbledore during the First Wizarding World and that half of them had either died or were seriously harmed. His godfather Sirius Black had informed him that the Dark Lord was in search of a special object that he had no access to during his previous attack, along with the mysterious actions of his headteacher who has ignored him throughout the summer. The pressure was starting to be a heavy toll on him, and he was forced to deal with it.

Unfortunately, it also became a difficulty attending school. His classmates had started eyeing him weirdly, growing awfully distant with him to which they would immediately stop talking once Harry entered the room, and some of his other so-called-friends had removed him from their lives. It also couldn’t help that certain students, none other than Draco Malfoy and his goons, had begun to bully him more than ever, hitting him with nastier remarks as well as the constant push and shove tactics.

Harry felt isolated and disorientated, felt as if no one had truly believed the words that came out of his mouth, felt as if he was made a laughing stock to the Wizarding World, felt as if Voldemort had already won the battle and it had barely even started. Ron and Hermione tried their best to cheer him up and distract him from reality but it would end in failure each time.

He was starting to lose hope, starting to think he was better off buried twenty-feet deep under the dirt since he knew his parents were the only ones who wouldn’t judge him, starting to accept the many labels plastered on him; he was a liar. 

He just had spent a strenuous hour-long detention session with Professor Umbridge in the afternoon due to his apparent cheek talking as well as spitting ‘false’ information about the Dark Lord’s return. Feeling emotionally drained, Harry found himself making a bee-line to the school’s library to have a moment to himself, he wasn’t prepared to face his friends and hear their worries.

Night had already fallen meaning everyone would be asleep by now, the hallways had also gotten dark. Luckily enough, the candles were the only light source as it made it slightly easier for Harry to find his way through the darkness. However, he wasn’t able to see anything further down the hall and he worried that a prefect or a professor on duty might catch him and drag him back to the dorms. Although, he’d rather bump into them than Filch.

And soon enough, once he had turned a corner and heard hurried footsteps approaching up ahead in the darkness, he started to panic. It was only a matter of time before he suddenly collided into something hard and he desperately hoped it wasn’t any of the two. Waiting to hear a grumpy voice scold him, he hears a high-pitched squeal instead.

The unknown figure in front quickly whispers a ‘lumos’ before being blinded by a bright light. Harry hisses at the sudden flash and squints his eyes to see past it expecting to see Filch or a professor. To his surprise, he realised it was just a girl but it wasn’t just any ordinary girl, it was you.

You look at Harry with a bewildered look to which he returns. Opening your mouth to question his presence, your head quickly whips back and a small gasp escapes from your lips. Both of you hear another set of footsteps approaching from behind and you instantly grab Harry’s hand and rush off to find a room or a spot to hide in.

After locating a random closet room, you hastily pull Harry inside with you and shut the door from behind. Harry leans against the wall and starts to pant but you hush at him indicating to keep quiet. You whisper a ‘Filch’ to him and he nods in realisation but mentally facepalms seconds later because you couldn’t see it anyways since the room was completely dark.

Several minutes pass by and no sign of footsteps or a grouchy voice could be heard meaning the coast was clear. Relieved, you flick your wand and a light illuminates from the tip of it, now the room was bright enough to see.

You turn to Harry and smile at him sheepishly, feeling embarrassed for grabbing a stranger’s hand. “Sorry about dragging you here, I had to make sure the both of us didn’t get caught, you know how Filch is.”

Harry shakes his head rapidly, “It’s fine, I appreciate you looking out for me though.”

“No worries...” Your words falter at the end waiting for him to introduce himself as you had no knowledge of the boy standing in front of you.

“Harry, Harry Potter.”

“Ah, well,” The sides of your eyes crinkled as you give him a friendly smile. “You’re welcome Harry, Harry Potter.”

You burst into fits of giggles, finding your small joke amusing. A faint blush creeps onto his face and Harry’s head shifts to the side in an attempt to hide it as he found you it adorable. Fortunately for him, you didn’t notice it but you noticed something instead and it wasn’t fortunate for him.

“Harry! Your hand’s bleeding!” You gasp as you reach out to his hand, lifting it up to your face to inspect it.

Harry winces at the sight of the blood, his scab had cut open supposedly from the harsh grip you had on him whilst you were running away before. It was only a minor cut and it didn’t really bother Harry whilst you reacted differently by shrieking as if he had lost a hand.

“What happened to your hand? Why do you have a scab?” You eye it closely, “It looks recent too.”

Harry scratches the back of his head with his other hand and stays silent, unsure on how to explain it to you that Professor Umbridge is a vile, old bat that enchanted a special quill to cut into his skin when he uses it. He also didn’t want you to worry too much and snitch on her to Dumbledore in case you would get in trouble.

Slightly frowning at his choice to ignore your question, you gently push him back to sit on a random obstacle as you rustle inside your school robes only to pull out a tiny first-aid box and kneel in front of Harry. You pick up a wound spray out of it and spritz it on his cut causing Harry to hiss at the slight pain.

Mumbling a quiet ‘sorry’ to him, you continue to dab the blood away, taking extra care not to deepen it. Once you saw that the cut was cleaned up, you pick up a plaster and place it on his cut, softly smoothing it out so that it sticks on properly.

Harry watches you intently as you smile to yourself feeling proud at your work, even if it simply was just tending to your aid. Harry lifts his hands up and stares at the plaster, it was girly for his liking as it was coloured a pastel purple and had a daisy pattern. He found it cute.

"It’s my friends,” Harry looks back at you. “Mine recently ran out so my friend lent me a few since I’m always getting into fights.” You bite your lip and look at Harry, waiting for a shocked reaction from him, he probably doesn’t expect you to be a troublesome girl.

“B-but for a good reason! I only fight the bad guys, y’know the bullies and all.” You stutter, trying to defend yourself. You began to bring up past events of you arguing with a Slytherin called Pansy and how it ended badly, showing him old bruises on your arm that were close to fading away. You then bring up another fight including a boy from your house and rambled on about how he blamed you for messing up a potion to which you secretly made it blow up in his face out of annoyance.

As you continue to rant, you didn’t notice Harry’s gaze on you. He knew all about you and how you are as a person, he knew this because he’s observed you for years. Harry figured that you didn’t know him too well as you saw him as a stranger but to him, you weren’t.

The two of you grew up in the same neighbourhood, practically living across from each other but a few houses down. Both of you also attended the same school and shared most classes together, yet throughout the years you didn’t seem to acknowledge his presence until now. 

This wasn’t a surprise to Harry as he was a quiet child and didn’t get on with the others in his year. He stayed reserved, spending most of his time in school sitting inside class with his teacher during break and lunchtime watching other children have fun. The teacher wouldn’t pay much attention to Harry but it didn’t bother him as he was much interested in watching you play on the field outside.

He was captivated by you. You were different from most girls in his year; you loved playing muggle sports as you would constantly single-handedly beat the boys at football. Gradually, he developed a crush on you. He would consistently hear stories from his classmates of how you would beat up bullies and stand up to anyone making fun of your friends, or rather anyone. You were strong for your age, in fact, you were always strong. 

Growing up, the stories would get crazier and Harry got a chance to witness it come alive. During one chilly December night, he stumbled upon the scene of you being harassed by two men. Irritated by their actions, Harry was about to call them out but in a blink of an eye; you quickly grab one of their arms and twist it, launching him over your shoulder and slammed him down on the ground. 

The other man shrieked in horror and ran away, bumping into Harry’s shoulder in the process. Satisfied, you calmly walk away from the groaning man and left a speechless Harry. From that moment onwards, his admiration for you tripled.

Not only were you strong, but you were also freakishly intelligent. Scoring ‘Outstanding’ grades in most of your classes to which you were one of the top students in Hogwarts, always positioning a place higher than Hermione (she hated that). 

Harry was abruptly pulled out of his thoughts as he sees you with your head tilted to the side, staring at him with a raised eyebrow.

“Hey, I asked if you were alright. Something wrong?”

“Oh, er, n-no. I was just thinking about something.”

“Ah,” You place your chin in both the palm of your hands, looking up at Harry. “Say, you haven’t told me how you got that scab. What happened?”

Harry sighed. “Umbridge.”

You roll your eyes, “Of course, I’m not surprised.” You stand up and sit beside Harry who scooches a bit to the side to make space. Although, due to how small the obstacle you guys were sat on, your hands were lightly brushing up against each other and Harry tried his best to keep calm and fight the uncontrollable blush.

“I don’t know why I’ve only just realised this but you were the guy that was with Cedric the night he died, right?” Harry turns his head to you, startled at the sudden change of topic. “And you’re the one who keeps saying that the Dark Lord has returned.”

No answer. Harry stays silent, he had a feeling that you were also going to make fun of him, call him a liar and walk off; forever ignoring his existence. But instead, he hears a soft giggle.

“Don’t worry, I believe you.”

Harry shoots you a confused look, “What, really?”

“Yeah, why wouldn’t I?”

“It’s just... mostly everyone doesn’t, and they bully me for it.”

You frown at the new information before your face relaxes. “I’m so sorry that’s been happening to you Harry...” Harry shrugs and you couldn’t help but start to feel bad. “I wish it was different. If there was a way for me to help, I would--”

Harry’s head perks up; “Then help me.”

“What? Harry, I barely know you.”

“But I know you.”

“You don’t even know my name--”

“Y/N, your name is Y/N Y/LN.”

“Okay, now that’s weird.”

Harry shakes his head, “It’s a long story but we grew up in the same neighbourhood and attended the same primary school.”

“Oh,” That made sense. You were beginning to think you had a stalker. “How come I’ve only just met you today?” 

“Must be a magic spell I put on myself to be invisible.”

You playfully nudge him. “Oh shut up, a kid that young wouldn’t have been able to learn the spell for it yet.”

You both laugh and for a moment, Harry’s troubles had disappeared and he was enjoying the company, your company. As the laughter fades away, Harry turns back to staring at you and you question him, “What?”

“So, will you help me? With the bullying?” 

You bite your lip and ponder for a few minutes. An hour ago, he was just a stranger to you (and whoa, has it already been an hour?) yet it felt like you guys had already met before, like fate had brought him to you and perhaps offered you both to initiate a friendship or more. Wait, what were you thinking? You’ve only just met the guy!

Your eyes meet up with his once more and he gazes at you softly, waiting for an answer. You couldn’t help but feel even more bad for Harry. What were you going to say?

“Okay.”

●●●

The next morning had arrived and like always, Harry had to deal with the usual weird looks and whispers from the students that passed by him in the halls. Ron and Hermione would instantly glare at them to which they’d shut up and walk off but they knew they’d start whispering again once they turned their backs away.

Frustrated at her best friend’s ignorance, Hermione pulls Harry’s arm back causing the three of them to stop in their tracks. “Harry, aren’t you going to say or do something about this? You can’t just ignore them!”

Harry whips his arm out of her grasp causing Hermione to frown. “It’s nothing to worry about, I’ll be alright.”

“Alright?! How could you possibly feel alright when everyone is going around making a mockery of you--”

“Well, well, if it isn’t Potter.” The three of them turn to see Draco and his two other delinquent friends walk up to them, a smug look plastered across Draco’s face. “Finding it difficult these days, aren’t we?”

Ron scoffs, “Screw off Malfoy.” He nudges Harry and a mumbles a ‘let’s just go Harry.’ as him and Hermione start to walk away but Harry stays put.

“You know, I’m surprised you haven’t had enough and dropped dead just like poor Ceddy. You can both die as cowards.”

Harry steps closer, glowering at Draco. “Don’t you dare talk about Cedric like that.” 

Draco also steps closer, their foreheads almost touching each other as anger boils up within them. “Or what?” He shoves Harry back by the shoulders causing him to lose a bit of his balance but luckily enough Ron and Hermione were a few meters away to catch him in time.

Standing back up, he was about to lunge at Draco with his fists clenched up ready to land a punch but before he could, he was interrupted by shouting. 

“Hey Draco!”

Everyone turns around and sees you up behind Draco whose head wasn’t turned around in time. He didn’t get the chance to acknowledge who the person calling his name was as you punched him square in the face making him stumble back in pain and tripped on his feet, landing hard on his back. 

The rest stood there in horror and utter shock, their mouths slightly opened as their minds were trying to register what had just happened. Harry couldn’t believe it, you stood up for him. Were you watching the situation unfold?

Draco groans and looks up at you, pinching the sides of his nose bridge in an attempt to control his now bleeding nose. “What the fuck--”

“For your information blondie, Harry and Cedric aren’t cowards.” You slowly lean over Draco, peering down at him with narrowed eyes as you smirk. “And neither am I.” You wink and reached into your robes before throwing tissues at him, Draco watches them fall to the ground and your figure walks away, a pleased look on your face.

You make your way to the trio whose eyes were focused on you. You stand in front of Harry and hand him a potion. Harry, still speechless, stares at the unknown potion in his hands.

“It’s Murtlap Essence,” You lightly tap the sides of his hands that had his scab from last night. “Soak your hand with that, it’ll heal it.”

A warm smile appears on his face, the sides of his eyes crinkled making it more genuine. He was so thankful, he couldn’t seem to think of words to express his gratitude. For years, he was yearning for you to acknowledge his presence and the time finally came, better than what he expected it to turn out to be.

But his smile was enough for your heart to flutter and you started to notice his presence was stronger than ever before, you didn’t know why you hadn’t known him before but at least from now on; the image of his smile would burrow itself in your mind. This would be enough to want to know him more.

The two of you stare at each other for what seems like forever and the other two clear their throats, feeling awkward and unsure what to do or say. You and Harry switch back to reality and the realisation of staring at each other for a while makes you both flustered.

“Thank you Y/N, for everything. You didn’t need to punch Draco though,” Harry laughs and so did the rest of you.

You shake your head, “Nah, that pompous brat deserved it. I made sure to punch him hard so his father would hear about it.” You joked, giggling afterwards.

You faintly smile and point past the trio, indicating that you were going to take your leave. “I’ll see you soon Harry, yeah?” 

He nods and you stroll past him, but not even several meters away until Harry calls out for you: “Hogsmeade. This Saturday, would you come with--”

“Yes.”

You hastily answer back without stopping or glancing back but the both of you knew each one had supported an excited smile, both now looking forward to the date that was soon coming up.

As Harry watches your figure get smaller further down the hallways, he felt his admiration for you become extremely stronger. He saw you as his saviour, back then when he was young and vulnerable but managed to make his childhood happy despite the problems occurring in his household. He saw you as his saviour right now, where he is older and still vulnerable with the bullying and all, but once again, you made his life worthwhile; he didn’t have to worry as much anymore.

He has you by his side now, and he’ll do anything to protect you in return as an act of kindness. Just like what you did by defending him back then.

[mysticjagiya606]

I have always thought it was strange that V and Rika have known the Choi boys since their childhood…The boys being 21 in the game and V being 26. 

The only logical age difference would be that the boys were 12 when they were rescued and V would have been 17 years old. (That is being generous since they look about 6 in the photo, but you never know with anime styled artwork). 

Considering that Rika and V only broke up shortly before MC joined the RFA, you have to calculate how long the couple had to have been together…9 years. Rika and V have been together for nearly a decade. 

V bought Rikas apartment, which would be logically assumed to be directly after she moved out from her adoptive parent’s house.

As soon as V was starting to flourish with his photography and as Rika was just experiencing adolescence and looking for more than the misery she felt with her adoptive parents. Granted, V was the only form of love she knew. They were very young…it makes sense as to why they had an idealized idea of love. Rika wanted to be loved unconditionally…and V wanted to love unconditionally, like his mother described before she died.

Obviously, when they learned about the two abused children from church, they would step in to help. Rika was always wanting to help others and V had a good heart. 

Here is what we learned in the Secret Endings, as well as in Saeyoung’s flashbacks. 

Saeyoung was offered a job in the agency, by V. To be safe from their politician father, the two had to be split up. After Saeyoung was rescued, Saeran was still at the home. He was being tortured and questioned by his mother…truly believing that his brother abandoned him. 

V and Rika wanted to save Saeran too, but it went downhill. The mother refused to give him up and Rika (canon) ends up accidentally killing the twins’ mother in self defense. That is the kind of secret you take to your grave.

Here we are…the GAP.

  There is a Wikia saying that Rika kidnaps Saeran into Mint Eye….but Mint Eye doesn’t form until a couple of years before MC appears. This conclusion is drawn from Another Story…which isnt linked to the Canon route.

What really happens in between? When V and Rika are still together? 

Like I said, no one explains the gap and the journals in Another Story are not canon. The journals in Another Story only account for if Mint Eye were formed when Saeran was a very young child….which it wasn’t.

So there we have it. The only logical place Saeran could have been is with V and Rika, growing up. This is where the mistakes take root. 

Rika and V were kids raising kids…They grew up way too fast and never had the chance to discover themselves or learn to love properly.

To protect Saeran, he would need to be secluded from the outside world. If anyone found out about him, there would be a lot of questions rasied. 

V, still having contact with Saeyoung, could not allow the two to have contact with one another. V and Rika moved out into a secluded area by a cliff, which V said Rika suggested for his artistic flair, but honestly, its very convienient for raising a hidden child. 

In every route, Searan is extremely familiar with Rika’s apartment. Rika and V also lived together for an unspecified amount of time once the cliff house was purchased and the two were engaged. 

Years pass and the RFA is formed. The RFA includes Saeyoung…which is an excellent way to spend time with the boy and make sure he is okay. Again, he cannot contact Saeran, so Saeran would not be able to be invited. 

However, Saeran always knew about the activities of the RFA and that his brother was out in the world being “Cheerful” and “happy without him.”

He would have seen his makeshift mom and dad, Rika and V, having fun, chatting and holding parties with the brother he would never be able to speak to again. On top of feeling abandoned, this would create a lot of resentment…

When Rika finally decides to create Mint Eye, we all know that her and V break up. She thinks V abandoned her, even though she left him. She thinks he doesnt want to help save others. She thinks he is a hypocrite and a liar. 

Saeran would have seen all of this. He also would have seen V walk away from them and continue to spend time with/chat with the RFA members…including his brother. V didn’t even TRY to get Saeran from Rika. (Which I understand….how could he, without Saeyoung finding out? V isnt a bad person…he just didnt have any other choice.)

In Saerans eyes, it would be very easy to believe that V was a hypocrite who abandoned him…just like his brother did. Rika of course, has a hand in turning him against V, but a lot of it would have happened on it’s own. Rika was basically his MOM since his sorry excuse for a birth mom died…and Rika never left him like everyone else.

His seclusion explains why he is so socially OFF….(not including Ray, because he isnt canon). This explains why he is so utterly devoted to Rika, even without the presence of the elixer. (ignoring the childhood forced elixer because that isnt canon or possible in Seven’s route.) This explains why V couldn’t do anything to save Saeran before it was too late.

V also knew that Rika targeted the RFA members as her primary prey for the Mint Eye. V felt like he had to protect them, as they were never supposed to be dragged into this in the first place. He also felt the duty to preserve Rika’s honor…so the easiest way out was to claim that she died and cut her off entirely. Essentially…from Searans eyes…this would be abandonment. V and Rika saved his life. V was his father figure.

What’s weird is that Cheritz doesn’t really incorporate exactly how long that relationship really had to be and that Rika and V were basically parents.

If V and Rika were together from the twins’ being saved up until Mint Eye was formed (shortly before MC appears), then the story of Rika kidnapping Searan as a child is impossible. That is another reason why Cheritz could not make it canon. It would never fit with the canon route of 707 and the secret endings. 

Now, if we want to go ahead and believe in this theory as a possibility…then it would explain other things as well. I am hoping that Rika’s route will come out and explain (canonly) some of the gap…even if it isnt released as canon, it could shed light on some possibilities. 

Understanding all of the above, it explains why Rika absolutely LOSES it when V claims their love wasn’t real. Imagine being told that your engagement and 10 year relationship was a lie…after finally leaving foster care and believing that someone finally loves you, unconditionally. After the trauma bonding they ALREADY went through in the past. 

It also explains why V has such an extremely hard time coming clean. With this timeline, V has been lying for YEARS. Nearly a decade. He even lied to his very best friend, Jumin. 

All of this is especially sad for Jumin, because V is his lifeline. He has no one else. Even as adult friends, they mainly live on memories to get by this phase of dishonesty and absense of V. 

Imagine how difficult it would be to admit you were lying and did all of those questionable things? 

He would have to admit the existance of Saeran…a child the couple kept secluded from the world. Saeyoung’s true identity…which would put everyone in danger… a child he shipped off to a deadly agency. The twins’ mom…which is a literal murder comitted by the Holy Rika. 

It is just too much. It’s too dangerous to come clean. It’s just too much to explain.

The RFA were a group of friends. There was no reason for them to get involved or be put at risk. V puts so much effort into protecting the RFA…On top of that, his personal life is entirely irrelevant to holding charity parties.

Here we can see why V blames himself. He is always saying he does it to protect everyone. He blames himself for everything. Even without Mint Eye, if Rika remained sane, these problems would still exist. This is why he views everything as his mess to clean…even without his idea that his ideal view of love ruined Rika. Now Rika wanted the RFA members to herself in her new cult. It was a mess. Because of this, he is willing to sacrifice himself if it means everything can be fixed. He doesnt care about himself, he cares about protecting everyone else from “his” mistakes. (as he sees it)

We see them repeatedly rejecting getting help from the cops. This may seem stupid, considering that we shouldn’t be encouraging our players to avoid the authorities. Yet, considering the situation, it makes sense. 

The murder…the agency…the hidden child…

Even without the cult, everyone would be in danger and in BIG trouble if this was taken to the police. If V were to use the police against Rika and her cult, not only would she not have a chance to be “saved”, but the past would be easily dug up as well. That would be one huge, reputation-ruining, legal fiasco. 

The drama would destroy the livelihoods of everyone he cared about. V, a famous photographer…Rika, a well-known coordinator…Jumin, heir to an extremely powerful and known company called C&R…Zen, a rising actor…Saeyoung would be killed by the agency…Only Jaehee and Yoosung would scrape by.

V and Rika made very sketchy and very bad decisions together…even if they had pure intentions at the time. Remember…they were just teenagers when this started.

The mistakes started WAY before Mint Eye was ever an idea. Way before Rika caved into her darkness.

Considering how many years go by….whether Cheritz intended this or not…it would explain SO MUCH. You could make a whole anime or drama out of the eyes of V alone. Perhaps, a lot of this will change once more routes come out.

All I know is that the Choi boys were screwed no matter what and took some serious trauma out of this. 

And this, my dudes, is why I REALLY want a Rika route to be released. I want the light shed on what could have happened between saving the boys and forming Mint Eye.

[authorofdanger]

Reason Of Survival Part 2

Genre: Angst

Warnings: Violence, Abuse, And Slight Gore.

Stray Kids Mafia AU

The intense pressure and chill of the shower stung against my body as one of the guards sprayed me down with a water hose. I sat there as still as I could to try to make this go as quick as possible but time seemed to drag on for years before my naked body was wrapped in a tattered towel and I was tossed a clean pair of spandex shorts and a sports bra that were off shades of black.

While I struggled to get my clothes on I could hear Jeongin's screams as he fought against the guards that were cleaning him. "Don't fucking touch me! Leave me alone!" He would just be better off staying quiet and put on an act as if nothing bothered him like he does with me. Now that I think about it I wonder which side of him is the facade? Is it the brave young man that he shows me or is it the scared child he appears to be to the guards? Maybe overtime these two sides will merge into one, or possibly only one side will remain. How will this trauma effect him in a few days, weeks, or even years?

"Move runt," a guard growled before pulling me out of the shower rooms and back into my now cleaned cell where one of the cell doctors was waiting for me. This one was still relatively new to the underground after being kidnapped as she was leaving her job from a small hospital. She appeared to be no older than twenty-three and had long brown hair that was slicked back into a tight ponytail. She always treats her patients with a form of delicacy and kindness that has caused me to firmly believe she is the only good worker here.

"How are you today Y/N? You took a pretty bad beating last night?" I simply nodded my head and sighed "broken wrist and nose, possible cracked ribs, nothing crazy. My cell mate wrapped my wrist but-" "I have a brace you can wear for now," she interrupted while reaching into her medical bag and pulling out a small black wrist brace. "Its nothing grande but it should help right? Mind if I take a look?" I held out my arm to her and sucked in a sharp breath as her fingers ran around the swollen area. "I'm sorry! I'll try to be quick okay?" I watched how she slipped the brace over my hand to cover my wrist and how she had adjusted it to fit snug against my injury. "So this cell mate of yours? He's that new boy they took from one of the rivals?"

"You know about that?" She tilted her head to the side while a slight chuckle escaped her lips. "How could I not? I'm around the guards and upper ground workers all day every day. I know everything I guess." It was then that Jeongin was shoved in with his new attire of a thin black shirt and black joggers that appeared stretched and wrinkled from being manhandled. It wasn't the state of his clothes that shocked me but it was the puffiness and shade turning of his left eye and the way he held his head before slightly stumbling to the ground. I was just barely able to grab him in time to soften his landing and I noticed how I was holding my breath after he tried to squirm from my hold.

"Jeongin what happened," I asked while examining his head for blood where he was holding. "Jeongin? I'm Dr.Park can you hear me?" I let out a small sigh of relief when he said "loud and clear Doc. Dont worry I just had my head bashed into the shower floor and a fist to the face, nothing a little ice cant fix, or sleep." After a few moments of us making sure it would be safe for him to sleep I let his head rest on my thigh and his arms wrap around my leg while I gently scratched the back of his neck.

"You two really have gotten close in a short time frame," she chuckled before making one more adjustment to my wrist brace. "He's a kid Chae-" "Rosè," she corrected. "Anyways Rosè the boy is still young. He doesnt belong in this world."

"You really dont know much about his line of work do you," she chuckled, "dont let his age fool you Y/N. Honestly I think there is more to him then what we can see. Dont worry about him more then you worry about yourself alright? Now rest up for selections, starts in an hour you know?"

*****

It's like being pigs lined up for slaughter. The Boss brought in his best fighters while the rivals brought there's to examine all of us. One by one we were all being drafted and scheduled. I stood as tall as I could and let no emotion graze my face as I was touched and analyzed by other greasy men and women. The women were by far the worst, having no shame in getting into detail about the people they were selecting. One of them was pinning me up against one of her strongest women, the prize for if she won would be to take me as her slave. Another woman wanted me as a fighter of her own after seeing my past records. By the end of it I would end up fighting against three girls and two guys in the ring.

"Hey Red what about that District Nine boy you recently captured?" My eyes shot over to the boss as a warning glance. He knows very well that I am willing to take out a leader if threatened since I've done it once before, giving him the entirety of the dead man's team. "He is not up for debate. You pick the fight with who I am giving available or you can leave," he yawned while leaning back in his chair. Taking a long drink of his coffee I could see the look he was giving me through the rim of his mug, he was watching my every reaction and most likely was going to use it against me.

I pulled my gaze off of him and put my attention back on my opponents. Most of them seemed to be on my level in terms of body size and determination but one was going to be an obvious challenge. At nearly two times my height and his arms larger then my head you could tell his owner put all the eggs in one basket, rightfully so. He was a beast that could kill me in one hit if I'm not careful and the boss knew it. But I knew I was going to win, I had to win! "Let's plan these matches for two days from now. Be here no later then nine, after that its forfeit and I will claim my prize by midnight," the boss sneered, "dont test my patience."

And with that I was taken to the gym area where Jeongin sat patiently between two guards on the bench press. "So this is the punk you are fighting for," one of the other fighter's asked. "What's it to you Lau? Last I checked you only worry about yourself." "Just curious as to see who is putting you in extra shit," he chuckled before going to the weights to work on his arms and core. "Just ignore him Y/N. You know he doesnt mean anything by it," Amber encouraged with a pat on the back. Even though i know she is right there is still a part of me that wants to knock his teeth in but i will refrain for now.

"So how bad is it," Jeongin asked once i got over to him. "Nothing i cant handle. Get up so i can use this." The guards moved away from the two of us and Jeongin moved to sit on the floor and watch as I got to work. My usual routine would be to work on my strength for around twenty minutes, stamina for fifteen, and then a few other various things for the rest of the hour before we would be dragged back to the showers and get fed in our cages.

"I wonder how well you would fight against Changbin," he mumbled to himself as I continued to lift some weights and then moved over to the pull up bar. "Changbin," I asked behind shallow breaths as I pulled up all of my body weight. "He is the main fighter of Stray Kids." "Big dude," I asked but was only responded to by a fit of laughter.

"If you consider around one hundred and sixty seven centimeters in height tall then sure he is a 'big dude,' but to the rest of us he isn't. But dont let his height fool you, the man is a beast." Rolling my eyes I took a small glance around the room to see most of the others were watching us. Some with pure curiosity while others had more of jealousy burning in their eyes. One man in particular gave the most menacing look. "You got a problem Hongbin," I growled before landing on my feet. He let out a tight scoff as he approached us. "Maybe I do. What makes you so special that you dont have to do shit," he asked as he shoved Jeongin back by his chest.

I was quick to get between the two and land a quick blow to his neck, knocking him to his knees. "Fucking touch him again I dare you," I spat, "anyone else got a fucking problem or can we mind our own business here?" All the eyes that watched intensely earlier immediately shot away from us. Once Hongbin was stumbling back to his feet I knew there would be blood in a matter of minutes. His face was red with a few veins showing here and there and his fists were balled. His anger was always quick to get to him ever since he was assigned to the ring, honestly I cant blame him.

His hand found it's way to my throat and he shoved me into the mirror where my head would slam hard enough to break part of the glass. Everyone in the room froze as I let out a small laugh. "You think I wont put your ass in place because of your fighting status," he growled after he took a swing at my face. My already broken nose stung while the rest of my face began to numb letting me know that it was either fight or get my ass handed to me. I was quick with my hands and yanked a shard of glass from the mirror and shove it into his left hand, forcing him to drop me before I kicked him back and swung my leg around to knock him off of his feet. I grabbed him by his scalp and dragged him over to where our weighted belts and jump ropes were and then proceeded to whip him with the smallest rope we had. After a few seconds he was back to his feet and racing towards me but I was able to barely dodge him and throw a weighted ball at his leg.

In a flash I noticed a body leap ontop of him and hit his head hard with a dumbbell, successfully knocking him out. Jeongin shoved the dead weight off of him and gave me a huge grin as he got back up. "Is he always that aggressive," he asked as if nothing happened. Maybe Rosè was right, maybe I shouldn't worry so much about him.

*****

"You two really do enjoy causing problems dont you," boss asked while his guards tied us to the wooden chairs. I know the rules at this point, stay silent and dont look him in the eyes. If you make yourself look small he will go easy on you but the tougher you act the tougher the punishment.

Jeongin doesnt quite grasp this concept and decided to thrash and fight the guards while yelling at everyone in the room. "He started it! She was defending herself! Leave her alone!" A firm grasp yanked my gaze from the floor and into a pair of ice cold eyes. "Seems someone has gotten attached to our little mutt," he spat. His grip grew tighter by the second until my jaw was forced open and painfully pried to its limits. "Maybe you should pay for his constant running mouth." My heart was beating a million beats a minute and I let out small whimpers as he begins to push and pull on my jaw lightly. When he began to get rougher with me i couldnt help the painful cries i was letting out, knowing he was trying to dislocate my jaw in the most painful way he could. My eyes screwed shut and i just prayed that it would be quick and it be my only punishment. "Stop it! Let her go! Please!"

"Maybe I should make you two an example. Untie them and throw him in his cell. She goes in the empty one beside him and I want her hands tied to the ceiling." Finally releasing my sore but intact jaw I felt my body get ripped from the seat and bonds and was being pulled by my hair while Jeongin had to be escorted by three guards. "Why are you acting so small? I've seen you fight Y/N so do it!"

Soon he will understand, there are times to be big and times to be small. Over the years I have learned what to do for each situation and right now I had to be small and pliant.

As we entered our hall I heard the nervous cries and mumbles that bounces off the walls and was harshly thrown into the cell next to the one Jeongin was shoved into. The guards all came in and roughly bounded my hands and hung me to where my toes only brushed the ground. My shoulders were screaming in agony along with the wrist that I injured now even days ago.

"Y/N fight back," he pleaded while trying to reach for me only for a guard to step on his hand. "Stop it Jeongin," I cried, "please just stop." He was only making this worse for the both of us. I was baring both punishments for severely injuring Hongbin and his constant pleading wasn't helping anything.

The boss came in with a few of his favorite tools. His whip, a few knives, and a few things I havent quite seen before. The whip was the first thing he reached for with a crooked grin on his face. "The punishment would have only been ten but since you decided to take on anything for this little nuisance that makes it twenty right?"

"Y-yes sir," i stammered. Leaning my head away and shutting my eyes I took in a deep breath to try and calm my tensing nerves but as soon as the first strike hit there was no way of relaxation. It started on my thighs, and then my back, and finally to my chest. The stinging never left and my vision blurred from the tears I couldnt even try to hold back. My throat was becoming raw from my cries but behind it all I could hear Jeongin yelling like a mad man.

The knives were for the whip's markings that didnt dig into my skin, he loved to mark me knowing that i would always remember the night i received that specific mark. My skin was numbing at this point and I couldn't keep my head up. For a while everything stopped and i believed it was over until a shearing pain dug into my shoulder blade and two guards held me in place. The smell of burning flesh was filling my nose and the slight hiss was barely heard. I was being branded.

When the punishment was finally over they didnt even bother getting the rope off of my wrist but they tossed my limp body where Jeongin sat helplessly. I let out a small cry at the slightest touch, body too sensitive to want any human contact at all. Soon the rope was gently pulled off of me and I was pulled into a shaking embrace.

"Chan where are you," he whispered as I fell into darkness.

[thisstableground]

High key sad ask, but how do you think it went when/if Ruben saw his mom and sisters again and they now know that ‘yeah that guy you sent me away with so easily kidnapped and tortured me’ I’m just in the mood for guilty family feels :(

ohhhh, oh no! (minor content warning for talk of torture/ptsd stuff bc ruben)

well. so i’ve got it in my timeline that what happens afterjamaica  is that when ian returns from jamaica he plays it so that jason thinks ruben is dead. works out best for ian that way – jason won’tgo looking for ruben to get rid of ian any more, ruben’s there if/when iandecides he’ll be useful to him, and he correctly figures that jason isn’t going toturn himself in unless he absolutely has to. 

unlucky for them, josh finds outthat jason was on the plane with ruben, and after that jason is pretty muchcornered into confessing to what he believes to be ruben’s murder. ruben’sfamily, of course, are kept in the loop about all of this. so for about anothermonth after that, before ruben is found and brought back home, his family justhave to live with thinking that the guy they all had dinner with straight upkilled him. and without a body and without jason even being able to say exactlywhat happened, they don’t even really understandit because let’s face it, this whole thing is a confusing, complicated situation. but that’s reallyhard for them to live with: that was the last time they saw ruben alive and, as far as they know, the last time they’ll ever have seen him.

his mom especially thinks about it all the time,thinks about how he’d said “ma, you don’t understand-“ and she’d just shushedhim and sent him on his way. god, she didn’t understand. she thinksabout that at the memorial and every time she looks at her heartbroken, hurtingdaughters and wonders whether she ever understood any of her children at all if shemanaged to miss that, and what else she might not see until it’s too late. she thinks about it every time she stands in ruben’s childhood bedroom, crying over his baby pictures, thinks about it while she’s clearing out his apartment and when she’s lying awakeat night wishing he’d just come back home so she could tell him that she’ssorry, that she should have listened harder, seen what he was trying to say.

then he does come back, of course. and she still wants totell him that she’s sorry. but there’s so much already going on – he’s unwell to thepoint of delirious when he first gets back, he can’t talk about what happenedat all, his only two modes are either violent flashback or so dissociated he’s practically comatose. enough of his own problems without dealing withhis family’s guilt. when do you find the right moment to apologize for that? how do you apologize to someone who can barely even hear you speaking to them?

the trial is hard for them all. it’s the first time theyhear the story in full, with ruben’s perspective on events. it takes weeks to get through, but by the end of it they know exactly what happened to ruben in jamaica, and they also know that by the timeian was at their house, he’d already tried to kill ruben at least once. earlier that same week, maybe that same day had gagged him and strapped him to ahospital bed and shoved a needle in his arm and left him there.

estefania remembers the person she thought was jason coleshowing up at their house a short while before ruben arrived, how she’d said that ruben doesn’t often bringfriends back because he’s so busy. how jason – ian – had laughed and with abright smile said, “you’d have to tie him down and lock him in the basement to keephim out of that  lab of his,” and she’dlaughed too.

she has to run out of the courtroom at the memory of that, stands out inthe cool spring air breathing heavily and trying not to be sick. he’d known exactly what he was saying. hewas laughing about it, at her, at ruben. did he laugh after what he did to her ruben in jamaica, too?

they didn’t talk about it after. the trial was somuch to deal with, and there was so much going on. they all feel a little guilty that it’s easier for them after ruben moves to new york - he starts doing better, being more independent, and so they havespace to look at their own trauma without feeling like they should all befocused on helping him get better. all three of them, estefania and the girls,end up in therapy themselves. everyone in that family has PTSD now, to more orless of an extent. the girls never bring friends home from school any more –halfway because it’s too hard to trust anyone, halfway because they know that ifthey do then they’d be under such suspicion. they’re all very private now, from the outside world and in many ways from each other.

ruben, for his part, does actually blame them a little. he feelsterrible about it, because he loves them and they’ve done so much for him. he didn’teven tell his old therapist about it. he doesnt wantto blame them, he wants to just blame ian, keep it all nice and straightforwardand clear. but he can’t help it: he tried to tell them as much as he could without spilling the whole story, he said he didn’t want to go out, he thought it waspretty fucking obvious that he didn’t want to go anywhere with ian, and there’sbeen a lot of times especially when he was still in jamaica that he wonderedwhy the hell they couldn’t read that, how little they must understand him evenafter knowing him his whole life. how his mother always says things like sheloves him how he is, but the first chance she got she was willing to overlookevery red flag and ruben’s own preferences to see him go out and be “normal”with a friend. none of it is that simple, of course, and he knows it isn’t, butthere’s enough of an element of truth to it to make it very difficult to shake.

there’s a lot of things theyhaven’t talked about just waiting there, that they’re trying to ignore becausethings are a little better now, everyone’s a little happier now, and nobodywants to be the one to disturb the fragile sense of recovery. i think ruben has a stronger sense of his recovery when it’s just him by himself, but while in a way this brought them closer as a family there’s also such a weight of grief and guilt and everyone’s trauma that when all of them are together the progress he’s made becomes less clear, less certain, because it reminds him of how many things there are still left to deal with for all of them.

but estefania is selling the house soon, wants out ofphiladelphia and especially out of the place where that man sat and ate theirfood and they all laughed at his jokes, just days before he dragged ruben tothe middle of nowhere and tortured him. i imagine that it’ll be once they’re intheir new place then a whole lot of suppressed stuff is gonna come out. that’s how PTSD works sometimes: often it’s only when you’re actually safe that you suddenly start to process the extent of what happened and really feel the fear of it. and thatit’s going to be very messy, but god knows all of them need it.

[fullmetalscullyy]

Roy has a girlfriend and she and Riza dont get along very well, she gets jealous of how close Roy and Riza are and tells him to choose between them. Roy doesnt even need to think to answer.

(hey i’m back to answering asks i probably should’ve answered weeks ago whoops)

thank you for this ask anon!! it’s an idea i’ve kinda always wanted to tackle but kept forgetting about lmao also this has spiralled out of control and will be a multi-chapter fic i just finished the first one tonight and there will probably be three (maybe idk it might grow more arms and legs who knows at this point)

fic title: “closer” from a song by travis

rated: t | words: 3479

part 1 | part 2 | part 3

ao3 | ffnet

A knock sounded at the office door and Riza Hawkeye knewinstantly who it would be. Glancing at the clock confirmed her suspicions, andshe would have groaned if she wasn’t in such a professional environment. Plus,the Colonel was in earshot and she wouldn’t humiliate herself like that.

“Come in,” he called, not looking up from his paperwork.Apparently, he had no idea who it could be. Riza didn’t know why. Their visitorwas persistent and clingy. She arrived around this time every day, greeting himso they could both walk home together.

Riza was no stranger to jealousy, however the last time she’dexperienced it was when she was merely a child. She’d been jealous of Roybecause he’d gotten her father’s attention while she’d been left by thewayside, forgotten about once more. In hindsight, she was glad she’d been leftto her own devices. Her father was insufferable, holding her to an impossiblyhigh standard which made the fallout even worse when she inevitably fell short.Being unable to perform alchemy – his alchemy – was the last straw.After all the pressure, the tears, and the yelling, he gave up on her completely.A year later, the apprentices began to roll in, none lasting longer than a fewdays.

But Roy… He’d managed, somehow. Riza never asked because shedidn’t want to taint their conversations with the mentions of her father. RoyMustang had lit up her dark childhood with a spark of friendship and she wasloath to ruin it with her father’s darkness.

So yes, she’d been jealous once before. It wasn’t hard tosee why.

But this… They were co-workers. Sure, they’d spent most oftheir formative years together. He’d become her closest friend, her confidantin her time of need, and a great pillar of support for Riza.

Eventually, he’d become her lover.

But that all ended after Ishval. The reasons were mutual, buton nights when she felt loneliest, she would long for his touch, his deep voicewhispering in her ear, his lips on her.

It made things… difficult. Especially now.

So, it was natural to feel disheartened when his attentionwas being diverted away, she told herself, especially after they’d beentogether for so long.

And as Eve Nesbit walked through the door with her usual toosweet smile, Riza couldn’t help but feel that little niggle of jealousy in thepit of her stomach.

Only because Eve got to be with Roy in the way Riza sodesperately wanted to but couldn’t.

Damn her and her absurd emotions. If she could glare atherself for being ridiculous then she would. It was immature and none of herbusiness. He was her boss, for goodness sake. Nothing more. She was happy thathe’d met someone. She was.

Riza didn’t miss the glare Eve shot her way though, when sherealised the office was empty. The rest of the team had left for the day, Havocbeing the last one to go who left ten minutes ago. Apparently, Eve was jealousthat they worked and spent so much time together.

Riza genuinely couldn’t understand women like that.

She’d had her fair share of it. The glares and whispers shegotten from other women as she walked one step behind the Colonel.

“Why does he want to spend so much time with her?”

“What does he even see in her?”

“Maybe they don’t just work together, if you get what I mean,”followed by a catty laugh.

Jesus Christ, women, just let me live, Riza would oftenthink to herself with a roll of her eyes.

She’d heard it all. If anything, her skin was bulletproof.Of course, he was oblivious. He was the shining star who played up his part. Rizadidn’t blame him. It had all been part of their plan to keep up appearanceswhile they infiltrated the military from within, but even now after the PromisedDay, it still happened. He still had a part to play to get to the top, afterall. His work on the Promised Day put him in great standing, but that was onemilestone down. They still had a handful left to go.

“Roy,” Eve crooned in greeting, hurrying up to his desk.Riza almost frowned at the inappropriateness of it all. A civilian shouldn’t evenbe in the building anyway. However, knowing the Colonel, he’d probably charmed someoneinto getting his own way.

Or Eve had snappily asked to speak to some young officer’ssuperior for not letting her in right away.

Yeah, that was more likely.

“Hey, Eve,” he perked up, shooting her a quick grin. He rosefrom his chair and Riza had to force herself not to gag at the very obvious wayEve grabbed him by the collar of his shirt, kissing him more passionately thanwas necessary. They’d only been dating a few weeks. Even Roy was caught offguard, one hand flailing to the side at the unexpected attention. The woman wasclearly in the honeymoon period already.

Eve was a petite woman. Even in her massive and expensivebrand heels, she only just met Roy’s height. Her hair was cut short in a bob,catching the light perfectly. Every time she moved every hair fell back intoplace effortlessly. Her makeup was expertly done, not a line or an eyelash outof place. Her smart, black, suit jacket and skirt screamed wealth, the fabricshining in the fluorescent lights of the office. In fact, her whole demeanourand attitude exuded that fact that she thought she was better than everyone inthe room.

Riza wondered just how the Colonel was so blind to itall. It was truly baffling.

Men, her brain reminded her.

“Let’s go, honey,” she urged, tugging his hand to pull himout from behind his desk. “We have dinner reservations in an hour.”

“I would love to,” he began, glancing back to his desk. “ButI’ve got all this work to do still and –”

Resigning herself, Riza stood and cleared her throat, tryingto get their attention. Hesitantly, she stepped around her desk and approachedthem both. Eve narrowed her eyes at Riza. The blonde knew she hated her. It wasclear in her dismissive attitude of Riza and the sharp looks, but Riza didn’t bite.She just smiled at the woman and let her live in her petty little world. Killthem with kindness, was what Riza had drilled into herself at a young age.It wasn’t worth her time to rise to Eve’s childish challenge.

“Go, sir. I’ll take over here.”

“No, I couldn’t –”

“She just said you could, Roy,” Eve retorted, notgiving him a chance to dismiss Riza’s offer. Clearly, Eve was desperate to gethim out of the room and away from her. Riza felt amusement bubble in her chest.“So, let’s go!”

“Really?” he asked, speaking to her lowly. He sounded doubtful.Riza knew him. He felt bad about leaving her to do it all. It was clear in his concernedeyes. She ignored how it made her feel inside.

Riza nodded and smiled at them both. “Of course. Enjoy yournight. I’ve got some things to catch up on anyway and –”

“Oh, perfect,” Eve cried, grabbing Roy’s arm and attemptingto drag him out of the room there and then. He resisted, smiling at Eve, buthis gaze turned back to Riza’s.

“Are you sure?”

Yeah, go and enjoy your night. I’ll stay an extra hourand a half doing extra work – unpaid – so you can get your kicks.

Shaking those petulant thoughts, Riza nodded, plastering a convincingsmile on her face. “I’m sure, sir.”

“Let’s go then, Roy!” Eve squealed excitedly. “There is thislovely romantic restaurant on The Avenue that I’ve been dying to try. It’svery fancy, so we need to go home and get you changed. Or,” she giggled.“We could go home and get distracted if you’d prefer?”

Riza’s stomach tightened at the heavy implication that theywould be going home for sex. Not only due to her personal feelings, but it wasjust plain inappropriate. Roy seemed to think so too, because he frowned slightly,but he didn’t stop her from continuing her rambling that was no doubt a ploy totry and work up Riza.

Eve clearly suspected something was going on between the twoof them – the woman tried every minute they were together to put across themessage “He’s Mine” – but it couldn’t have been further from the truth. The hada history, sure, but who didn’t? Even the boys had begun to notice her behaviour,and it irritated them as well. At least Riza had them on her side. It made her feelsomewhat pleased that she wasn’t entirely alone in this Eve shit show of tryingto get a reaction out of her.

“Have you ever been to La Taverna, Riza?” Eve asked.If a five-foot two woman could look down her nose at the taller Riza Hawkeye,then that was what she was trying to do right now. Riza smiled pleasantly ather, having none of it. Riza had worked underneath a homunculus, for goodnesssake. There wasn’t much that could shake her nowadays, especially not thiswoman’s attempt to try and tear her down.

“No, I haven’t.”

“Hm. Shame,” she replied, tone implying that it wasn’t ashame at all.

Wow. Just… Wow.

“Let’s go, Roy! We need to go and get changed if we’re goingsomewhere that fancy,” she urged, that wicked grin on her face, eyes moving totry and catch Riza’s eye.

“All right, I’m coming,” he replied, hastily grabbing hisjacket and car keys from his desk. “See you tomorrow, Hawkeye.”

“Yeah, see you,” Eve stated. Well, at least she gave her ownfarewell. It was the most insincere thing in the world, but it was a farewell,nonetheless. Usually she just ignored Riza completely.

As Eve all but dragged the Colonel out the door, Riza sighedquietly and turned to approach the Colonel’s desk.

“Hawkeye?” she heard him call. She almost jumped in fright,not expecting him to still be in the room. A panicked thought raced through herhead as she hoped he hadn’t heard her sigh. The last thing she wanted was todisrupt things, not just for him, but for her as well. She was managing Eve. Itwas easy, in truth, but she didn’t want to let on just much Riza just didn’t likeher. Not because she was with Roy, but because of her attitude.

She was even rude to the boys.

Turning, she saw him leaning backwards, a hand gripping theedge of the doorframe to keep his balance as his eyes met hers. Her stomachfluttered as she took in the sight of him. That lopsided smile, the excitementdancing in his eyes, and his dishevelled hair was causing it to do acrobatsinside her. It was grossly unfair.

Only because thatsmile and that excitement isn’t directed at you.

Oh my god, shut upbrain.

“You’re the best,” headded gratefully.

“It’s not a problem, sir.”

“Come on, Roy,” Eve giggled and Riza’s gaze moved tothe hand that had materialised by his collar, gripping it tightly to urge him awayfrom the door and into the night they had planned.

“I’ll make it up to you, I promise!” he called as Eveeventually pried him away from the door and Riza. “I owe you one!”

They left her alone in the office with only their laughterto echo back to her.

Riza’s shoulders slumped in defeat as she resigned herselfto her fate. Story of her life, at work, alone, to pick up the pieces whileeveryone left to enjoy their evening and a social life.

With one final sigh, she picked up the stack of papers,lugging them over to her desk. From the weight, this would take so much longerthan just an hour and a half. What had the Colonel been doing allafternoon to become this behind?

Her answer came in the form of a case file. Interest piquing,and forgetting about her current pathetic situation, Riza picked it up, openingthe file and skimming through it. It was for a robbery. It had ended in ashootout that incriminated one of the military’s own soldiers and it had fallenacross the Colonel’s desk today as a request to hear his thoughts on the case.On the paper next to it, there were doodles and scribbled notes covering it, linkingthe evidence in the case and notes together.

He’d been working on this, that’s why he was so behind.

Leaving the rest of the paperwork, Riza took the file overto her own desk. She could have sat in the Colonel’s chair, but that would havebeen some kind of self-torture that she wasn’t desperate enough to turn to yet.She didn’t need to feel so pathetic while his scent shrouded her entire being.No, she didn’t need that tonight.

Absentmindedly, she flicked through the file, adding her ownnotes to his, trying to make sense of everything. She should help, she toldherself. There was information on the bullets and firearms used which he’d puta large question mark next to. In a circle, were the words “ask Hawkeye”and it had been underlined twice – a reminder to himself to get her input on somethingthat most considered her speciality.

It made her stomach flutter again, a slow smile spreading acrossher face.

Goddammit.

An hour later – Riza could see why the Colonel had neglectedhis paperwork. This case was drawing her in, and she didn’t feel like stoppinganytime soon – a knock at the door broke her concentration. Looking up with afrown, she was confused as to who would be calling at the office at this hour. Theclock ticked on the wall, indicating it was half past six. She should havefinished an hour ago, but there was something about this case that kept herhere. Not to mention the fact that she still had all that paperwork to do aswell –

“General Grumman, sir,” she greeted, jumping to a sharp salute.

Grumman grinned widely at her, stepping into the office fullyrather than just having his head poking through the door. “Lieutenant Hawkeye.You’re a late one tonight.”

“Just catching up on the day, sir.”

“Mustang procrastinating again?” he asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Not at all, sir. He was distracted by the case you passedover his desk this afternoon and I offered to organise it for him while he lookedit over. Unfortunately, I was distracted by other tasks and couldn’t completeit in time.”

Old habits of boosting his image in the face of the upperechelon died hard.

Grumman just stared at her for a moment, before breaking outinto a laugh. “The way you defend and cover for him. It’s admirable.”

Riza felt herself blush slightly.

“I asked him to look it over with you in mind due to the confusionover the kind of firearms and bullets used, but naturally I expected it wouldtake all his focus. I just wanted to pop my head in to see how far he’d gottenwith it.”

“Quite far, sir. I hope you don’t mind, but I added my ownnotes to it.”

“Not at all, Lieutenant. That’s why it sent it over here inthe first place.”

“I’ve managed to pick out the exact firearm that would usethat specific bullet. It’s not military issue, so it would exonerate WarrantOfficer Turner. He did nothing wrong. His gun may have been fired, but it wasn’this bullet that killed the shop owner. Another sweep on the scene may revealthe actual bullet that was fired.” She offered Grumman her notes and he scannedit eagerly while Riza stood and waited for his response.

“This is… Brilliant. Simply brilliant, Lieutenant,” he commentedafter reading, meeting her gaze with wonder in his eyes. “But how do you know Turneris innocent?”

“The bullet used is made to look and test like militarybullets, but they’re not. I saw a lot of them out east,” Riza launched into herexplanation as Grumman perched on the end of her desk, his full attention onher. “I noticed their differences early on in Ishval.” She supressed the memoryof removing it from a dying man’s body and being asked by her CO to examine itand determine if the Ishvalans were using their own weaponry against them. “Someonewas manufacturing them as a tactic to instil fear into the Amestrian soldiers.What would do it better than thinking the Ishvalans had their hands on ourweapon and ammunition stash?”

“Very true,” he murmured, gaze dropping to her notes oncemore. “So, this same person, or group, has moved onto robberies?”

“Possibly, sir, but I don’t think that’s the case. I hypothesisethat these thieves got their hands on this tech from out east and are briningit back into play to cause chaos once more.”

“Terrorism?”

Riza nodded. “I think so, sir. Make the military think that itsown soldiers are turning against the state. Not to mention, ruin lives andrelationships in the process.”

“Very good, Hawkeye. Excellent work,” he complimented inawe, an impressed smile spreading across his face. Riza shifted uncomfortablyunder his gaze, unused to someone complimenting her work. The boys did, and sodid the Colonel, but this was different.

She couldn’t remember the last time a family member had praisedher so much either.

“I would like your help further on this case, if you’rewilling?” Grumman proposed, standing from the edge of the desk.

“I would be happy to help, sir.”

“Excellent,” he grinned. “Report to my office tomorrow morningat 0800 hours. I’ll pass on the message that you’ve been temporarily assigned undermy command for the foreseeable future to Mustang tomorrow, seeing as he leftyou to pick up his slack,” he winked as he turned to take his leave. “Let thepoor boy suffer for his self-centredness, shall we?”

“I don’t –” Riza began, cringing. She didn’t want to cause ascene.

Grumman chuckled. “Not to worry, my dear. I’ll make sure it’spassed on. Leave that leftover work and go home. Mustang can do it tomorrow. Itserves him right for leaving you to do it alone.”

“He didn’t –”

“Plus, you’ve done more than make up for him not completingit in time. However,” he added, a mischievous twinkle in his eye. “I knowMustang well enough and I know you, Lieutenant. I know he was a lazy bumand didn’t finish his work on time, didn’t he? And you volunteered your free timeto stay late and finish it, didn’t you?”

Riza said nothing, but the uncomfortable look on her faceprobably gave her away. Grumman just laughed.

“I won’t tell, Riza, my dear. Now go home and get some rest.I look forward to finally getting stuck in with this case tomorrow,” hegrinned, leaving the office with a wave.

The silence wrapped round her as she processed what had justhappened.

Okay. New assignment. A thrill went through herstomach in anticipation of tomorrow. Not only would she get out of the officewhile the Colonel suffered with his paperwork, a small part of her was pleasedshe probably wouldn’t see Eve again for a few days. A blessing that she neededright now.

She just wanted some peace.

Glancing over to the Colonel’s desk, she eyed the paperworkthat was still untouched. Making her decision with confidence, Riza grabbed herpurse and packed up her belongings from her desk, leaving it tidy andpresentable as she wouldn’t be using it for a few days. Like Grumman implied,it served the Colonel right for being so lazy all day and leaving tasks to thelast minute, only for it to be pushed aside when something more interestingcaught his eye.

Riza tried hard not to tie that analogy to herself and Eve.Tried. But the heart is a fickle thing.

Maybe this was just what she needed. A break from him.

As she left the office, she walked with a purpose in herstep.

[socksual-innuendos]

j grahams and emi

So idk if you wanted them as seperate characters or how they handle together but I’m gonna do both...all three? Y e a h

A Realistic HC

For Joshua, he’s prone to skin conditions even when he’s careful. His skin no longer acts like normal skin and can’t create the slightly acidic environment that helps kill microbes. Because of this, if he isnt thorough in cleaning himself, he can end up with skin infections or microbial growth very easily. I also think he has to dry himself off thoroughly after a wash or that he cant have wet bandages or clothes sticking to his body for too long. This would keep moisture close to his body which would again allow something to start growing on him. To slightly build off of this, I do think he smells a bit mossy at times.

For Em, I see her age starting to catch up to her after the bullet. She’s felt it before but NV events really lock it in. There’s plenty of ache, plenty of soreness, plenty of injuries that take a while to heal. She still loves what she does, but some mornings she just wants to go back to bed.

For both? Not certain, but I don’t properly know who kills who, or if either will at all. I think a big arc for Emi would be letting him go, at least in the target sense. She’s a headhunter and her desire to be the one to put Graham down is actually what allows them to start growing closer as friends. He’s so easily replaceable by different people she’s met, yet the fixation she has for being the one to kill him allows him to become more to her (she still wants to kill him though)? In the end he throws it all away and dropping their friendship completely is a choice Emi easily makes but, she could still return to Zion to see him one last time (not that he would see her, if she’s careful) and get her final kill. They’re both tough bastards, and they both have wills of steel, but I’m not entirely certain they would even get to that point.

Not realistic, but hilarious,

For both? It would def be Emi pegging him. While I think Emi would be able to do it and I laugh at the prospect that Graham gets off to it and is deeply ashamed by that, I cant work it into their story naturally. Still though, he gets the shocker at some point, and it goes about as well as you’d imagine.

For Em, I love to exploit her 10 Agil in stupid ways. I’m talking full spiderman shenanigans. She just abuses that grappling hook of hers in ways that doesnt make physical sense and you know what? This is fiction for a reason, and the frog has decided to drop in.

And Graham uuugh-- This might be more realistic headcanon taken a bit far but like, him reverting to a gross teenage boy when no one is looking.

Heartbreaking HC thats fun to inflict

God what isnt fun to inflict on Emilia. I cant think of anything canonical to her story immediately but anything that leaves her without Cam in some fashion kills me. Em can endure a lot of shit but her sister is her rock in all cases. In fact a whole au i have is based around Camila just not being there, and Emi is Much Different. I think the loss of Cam is the best heartbreak though. Emi can’t handle it in any capacity, and unless she has somewhere to focus that grief and pain she’s immediately unhinged.

You can never make me feel bad for Joshua buuuuuut— I think about how a lot of folks don’t mention that once shit is said and done, he probably feels conflicted over Caesar’s death. Edward being alive meant Joshua didn’t have to think about much aside from the anger, but now that he’s gone from the world? Graham has nothing but the past to focus his rage at, and 30+ years of friendship and ruling together heavily overpowers five years of denial and assassination attempts. Now hes left to face the loss, and its an unprocessed loss. And its also a loss he cant talk to anyone about because no one mourns the wicked. I fully believe that he has very few avenues allowing him closure over this, and that it will conflict him for the rest of his life.

For both uuugh, I think they’d make amazing partners if Graham could get over his pride. At the end of the day Graham’s need to fill his leader role inevitably prioritizes image over interpersonal relationships. Being a trade route away from Vegas, he’s basically Em’s neighbor and she was open to the idea of them staying friends. He however made his choice and he will die lonely on his throne. Given their dynamic, there’s so much potential between these two that will never get explored because Graham is well, Graham, and no matter what alternate routes rock bottom gives him, hes going to try and climb right back into his war chief role.

What I ignore canon for

A lot of shit, lmao. For both of them, I am overwriting a lot of the climax dialogue and HH ending. Emi prevents him from killing Salt purely because she is pissed and doesnt want him to have his satisfaction. She’s angry he dragged her into this, she’s pissed she cares about Chalk and that she couldn’t leave him, she’s angry that Joshua abandoned her (leading to her being injured) because he’s obsessive. She wanted that dog to sit and she made him do it, one way or another. They hate each other a while, and whether he realizes it or not I fully believe Joshua is less receptive then on to her because she managed to force him down. I have a lot of thought about how the endings to Honest Hearts should actually be switched, but this is an Ignore Canon answer for Joshua.

Emi I ignore a lot of in game mechanics for. She broke Raul out first and he was her first and main companion for a while, a lot of Lonesome Road story gets ignored because it fucks with her story previous to NV, and she does head straight to Jacobstown via Quarry Junction. Emi is an old and seasoned bird, she can handle herself and knows the roads. Because of this the game goes a little backwards for her, and her biggest struggle was trying to get into the Strip (She really pissed off Mick and Ralph at first, and in the end they eventually sold her the damn fake pass lol).

For Joshua, I think his endings slides should be switched for the choices you make. I want to see a Joshua that is resentful about the courier talking him down. I want to see him going full force after that, angry that he was again controlled into going against his beliefs (see: blame shifting him losing faith during Legion Time as Edward’s fault). Let me see Joshua acknowledging he went full emotional bitch when slaughtering Salt, let him be more mindful of not losing himself to emotion later on when he’s leading the tribes. Let his path come from within rather than having a third party trying to make him ‘good’. He’s a self made man in the sense that everything he’s done is because it’s what he wanted, or what he does to fix things is because he had saw issue within it. 

[morinokunikara]

👀☁️💕👑🌗📚💎🔪🏡🏞️🥀🌼💐🦋🍂☕🍼🕊️❤️🔥❄️🌙☀️🌟 (for Kokoro

 swputting this one under a readmore

🌟 When your OC loses all hope, who do they turn to first? What helps make them feel better? What calms them down and reassures them? Why?

yuuki. she trusts him more than anyone else. usually doing exercise will help her mood, she just loves the feeling of a good workout so much and it provides a good distraction. also sometimes just seeing yuuki smile. she loves him and she knows hes been through so much and honestly his happiness means more to her than her own.

☀️ What makes your OC genuinely happy? A person, an item, their hobby? Where is the place they’re happiest, or most at home? What is the happiest they’ve ever been?

yuuki makes her more happy than anything else, although her clubs and friends in them do as well. winning games or a really good performance in a play will always bring a big huge smile to her face. she feels more at home in her clubs than at home, because most the time she cant get in a word with yuuki bc her parents are hogging her. 

happiest she ever was was when her family went to destinyland and they let her and yuuki walk alone together. they got some real bonding time, riding rides and getting dinner together, and then watching one of the fireworks shows. its the most time she ever got to spend with him without their parents getting in the way and she treasures it forever. 

🌙 If your OC could have one wish come true what would it be and why? Would there be consequences to this wish or would they regret it once they get what they want? What would they give in return for this wish to come true?

for her parents to pay attention to yuuki more, or just really. him being more loved in general. theres pretty much nothing that would make her regret it, and nothing she wouldn’t pay. she cares about him so so much and would give everything if it meant he was happy

❄️ What makes your OC sad, so sad that they can’t help but cry all day? How do they cheer themself up? Does their sadness upset any of their loved ones too?

any kind of failure, feeling like shes hated, hell sometimes just her parents praising her too much because she just gets so overwhelmed, and it makes her think too much about how ignored her brother is all the time. she usually goes out and practices her soccer or whatever show shes doing for theatre. she hides her sadness pretty well, but any of her family would be upset by knowing she’s sad (hence why she hides it)

🔥 If your OC known for having temper tantrums? If not, what gets them really angry? What makes their blood BOIL? Is there anyway to calm them down or are they unstoppable? What are they like when they’re angry? Do they take it out on their loved ones?

not at all. shes very patient and can put up with a LOT, but she will snap if someone is too mean to yuuki. i feel like she would eventually snap at her parents but she really tries as hard as she can not to bc she worries itll make things worse. bc shes so patient, when shes angry she gets so angry it can take awhile to calm her down

❤️ What would your OC’s ideal lover be like? Appearnce, personality, voice? Would their family approve or would it be civil war?

her one requirement is “respect me and my family.” shes not picky, but she does like athletic/buff types a bit more. 

🕊️ Would your OC ever get married or are they already wed? If they’re married, describe what their wedding was like! If not, describe their ideal wedding (or do this if you feel like it anyway!)

she has this big fancy idea of a dream wedding at destinyland, with a theme centered around classic romantic plays. 

🍼 Does your OC have any children or want children? What names would they pick? Are they good with kids or a complete disaster?

she does want kids, and she plans to name them all after extended family. with her strong value towards family and disappointment in her own parents, one of her biggest dreams is to raise a family with someone

☕ Give us one (or more if you feel like it) of your OCs deep dark secrets! Why do they keep it hidden? Spill the tea!

shes actually kind of miserable emotionally. she  it all up until she’s on her own, and then she just completely breaks down in her room. she’s had to lock herself in the restroom in public a few times bc one small thing will happen and it’ll just be the straw the breaks the camel’s back

🍂 What are their opinions on the different seasons? Which one do they hate and which one do they love and why?

she HATES summer but loves spring. its too hot in the summer to work out as much as she’d like. she doesn’t like winter much for the opposite reason of it being too cold, and is kind of neutral on fall. she thinks spring is prettier.

🦋 If your OC could change everything (or just something) about their life would they? What would they change? What do they think would happen if they did? What would their loved ones think?

oh yeah she’d def change a lot. give herself better parents that pay attention to their children equally, make herself less talented, anything that’ll get her less attention and yuuki more attention

💐 Does your OC like flowers? What are their favourites? Do they keep a garden of some sort? What flowers would they use in a flower crown? (and if you like, research the meanings behind those flowers!)

she loves flowers!!! her and yuuki have a garden together in their backyard... her crown would be azaleas (patience), hydrangeas (pride),  and spider lilies (sweet)

🌼 Write a short drabble from your OCs POV meeting their LI (or if they don’t have a love interest, their best friend. If you don’t want to do a drabble, describe their first meeting instead!)

(dont have the brain power for a drabble rn but) im 90% sure itd start with her accidentally kicking a soccer ball in someone’s face and then being like “oh fuck theyre cute”

🥀 Has your OC ever been hurt by someone they love? Ever been betrayed? Abused? Attacked? Give me the angst! (if you’d like, write a short drabble about it!)

not physically, but she got really hurt by yuuki once because of a misunderstanding. she talked about wanting to play volleyball at shujin and yuuki panicked because oh god know i cant let him get to her i have to protect her and she took him objecting to it as him being jealous and they got in a huge argument over it. she was so upset that, in her mind, yuuki was so bitter and jealous he wouldnt let her follow her dreams

🏞️ If your OC could travel to anywhere in their world where would they go? Why? If they could live there would they?

brazil!!! she’s heard a lot about amazing brazilian soccer players and wants to see it for herself. she would never want to live there though, or really anywhere outside of tokyo 

🏡 Describe your OCs ideal house! Give us a tour around! What’s their garden like? Their bedroom? Kitchen? Where is it and how many people live there?

a moderately-sized house for a small family of four, like the one she lives in. it’s decorated with the achievements of her family (trophies, art, etc). a kitchen big enough for the family to cook together, and a fancy dining room. lots of family photos on the walls and any available surface, and a family garden in the backyard. 

🔪 Has your OC ever killed someone? Ever had to defend themselves against violence? How did this make them feel? Or, alternatively, has your OC ever attacked someone? Seen someone die?

shes never been through any of that fortunately 

💎 Does your OC collect anything? Is there a reason? When did they start and is it beginning to turn into a little bit of a hoarding issue? What do they do with their collection?

she collects playbills and a few different sports trading cards!! the playbills started when she saw her first play at 5, and the trading cards at 8. she has several large folders for her cards and a big huge box for her playbills

📚 If your OC was given some kind of forbiddon knowledge, what would they do with it? Would they tell anyone? Use it for evil or good? How would it change their outlook on life, if at all?

shed keep it super super super secret... would do everything in her power not to use it at all, but if she did she’d use it for good. 

🌗 Early mornings or late nights? What do they spend their time doing during these hours?

early mornings!!! she goes for a short jog every morning before school, and then helps her dad with breakfast and sometimes drags yuuki out of bed if he oversleeps 

👑 If your OC was made royal (or is royal) how would they use their power? Are they a good leader or bad? Do their subjects like them or is it ‘off with their head’? Do they enjoy being royal?

shed be a very kind ruler, and try to listen to and solve all the problems she possibly could. so ofc shes very very loved. she doesnt like it though. she doesnt like having that much power, she feels its unfair. 

💕 How is your OC like with physical affection? What are their boundries? Do they enjoy being touched or is that a no-go? Is there any reason behind this?

she loves to cuddle with people, physical affection is one of her main love languages. she hugs yuuki every time he walks through the door. she doesnt want much beyond that though, at least at her age 

☁️ What’s something your OC wishes they could forget? Why is this? Or, what is something that your OC has forgotten? (or do both!)

she wants to forget her biggest screw up in her mind- when she was so nervous for a play (her biggest role at that point), when she got onstage she panicked and totally forgot her lines and just. completely froze. 

👀 Describe your OC through the eyes of another person! (bonus + specify who)

ofc i gotta do yuuki 

she’s an adorable and caring little sister he loves so much. he’s a bit jealous of her, but he doesnt blame her for anything. he just wishes he could be as good and loved as she is. 

[unlicensedinky-blog]

owo!! first post!! this was a submission to a writing contest on instagram that i spent an actual month on,,,,,, but i'm goddamn proud of it so im yeeting it into the void. aight lets get this bread

-Icarus

---------------------------------------------------

adrenaline

you've encountered many people in your life, but never have you met anyone like her ever. you guess opposites attract, because you two are as different as can be.

she is the epitome of energy, always raring to go out and do something, always looking for a thrill. she flits from one interest to another so quickly it makes you dizzy, constantly on the search for a new rush.

compared to her, you are one leaf out of many fallen during autumn, a single drop of rain in a thunderstorm. small, quiet, unnoticed, boring.

so when she starts taking an interest in you, you don't exactly warm to the idea. the first time you say her name, it feels like a curse on your tongue, heavy and suffocating.

you've seen her leave people behind, and you've seen the people she leaves behind. it's not that you search them out on purpose. you just notice them, like in class or in the library.

her presence still lingers over them, even if its been ages since she left them.they all get over the abandonment sooner or later, but the hole where she used to be never seems to close up.

too many people have left their scars on you already, and you're not about to get one more.

she either doesn't notice your reluctance or ignores it, choosing instead to drag you along on her newest conquests. it always starts with a knock on your window in the middle of the night, and it always ends with her reckless grin in your mind as she walks you home.

she takes you to an abandoned funfair, the rides rusted and the gate nearly falling apart. you watch her fiddle around with the roller-coasters controls, and try not to notice how her eyes light up when somehow, with whatever chaotic force that accompanies her, she manages to get it functioning.

taking your hand, she pulls you into the cart and hits the button. the cart doesnt move for a minute, but just as you move to get off it jerks forward with a rusty groan.

the cart shoots off onto the tracks, spinning and racing through loops, the rusty wheels creaking at every turn. and by a miracle or whatever chaotic force that accompanies her again, you are lucky to make it back to ground safely.

she laughs the entire time you two are on that death trap, and she's still laughing when you two get off. you roll your eyes, ignoring the way her laugh makes you feel a bit lighter.

maybe it's that that distracts you, because you only realise it when she drops you off at your house and leaves for her own.

it's that she never let go of your hand for the entire night.

you watch her back slowly disappear into the dark, your hand twitching slightly. you sneak through the front door and up to your room, falling onto your bed.

you fall asleep to the lingering warmth of her hand in yours and the sound of her laughter.

she's outside your class when school ends. she barely gives you enough time to pack yout things before she is once again dragging you off on another 'adventure', as she calls them.

she's there everyday. it almost becomes a routine, and the irony of it doesn't escape you. a wild spirit following a routine. you would think that she was doing it for you, but you're not stupid.

that still doesn't stop the warmth in your chest from spreading.

and she only upset the 'routine' once.

you remember it was particularly cloudy that day, like the sky was miserable. the school was too. everything felt off. it felt sadder.

you had a wild theory, but you reasoned that it was highly impossible. she was, quite literally, only human, and not some kind of god. and besides, she was fine.

a few people screamed as a loud crack sounded through the sky, closely followed by roaring thunder, then a heavy onslaught of rain.

you winced, slouching in your seat.

probably.

-----------------------------

you were wrong.

class ends, and she's not at the door. you pack your things as slow as you can, giving her time to magically appear like she always does.

she doesn't show up.

you catch yourself before you start to worry. wasn't this what you wanted in the first place? for her to leave you alone? you don't have to go along with whatever scheme she's planning, because she's not even there. you're free.

you can't even convince yourself of that for one minute before you start running.

you dash out of the school, your backpack thumping against your back. the rain feels like daggers on you, it's that heavy, but you ignore it. finding her is the priority, and if you get sick, then so be it.

you wrack your brain, trying to think of places she could be. you must look silly standing out in the rain alone, but you can barely bring yourself to care. which is new to you.

you don't get time to dwell on it, and maybe that's a good thing.

you hear your name said by that oh so familiar voice, and you spin around so fast you nearly fall over.

but there she is, soaked to the bone, her hair plastered to her face, standing in front of you. she looks confused, as if wondering why you would even be searching for her.

she has never looked more beautiful.

it doesn't register in your mind that you're moving, but you are. you cup her face in your hands, brushing your thumbs over the streaks of water on her face. her eyes are red.

she leans forward, and you find yourself doing the same, and then you're kissing her.

it feels like the world stops, just for that moment, suspended in time, where only you and her exist. you feel her hands on the back of your neck, you feel her lips on yours, you feel her.

you feel her, and it is beautiful.

she pulls away and rests her forehead on yours. there's a smile that you haven't seen before on her face, and you're fairly certain there's a similar smile on your face.

it's a smile filled with joy, and perhaps a little bit of something else.

you whisper her name, and it tastes like honey on your lips. you don't ask her why the water on her face tasted of salt.

the days after that are more pleasant. she still takes you on 'adventures', but you actually find yourself enjoying them this time. you let yourself bask in the lightness of her laughter, the warmth of her hand.

she breaks down your walls, and you let her. you bare your heart to her, scars and all, and she accepts it with no hesistation and the same smile she had.

everything is wonderful, and it feels as if the whole world belongs to the both of you.

and then she leaves.

she stops coming to your class when school ends. she stops knocking on your window in the middle of the night.

she's gone from your life as easily as she entered it.

you don't blame her. you know it's not in her nature to be tied down to one person. you take back what you said about her being the epitome of energy.

she is the manifestation of adrenaline, giving you the rush of adventure and spirit, and then leaving as quickly as she came.

you see her pulling on someone else's hand, and you taste blood in your mouth. you close your eyes against the sight and press back the tears that threaten to fall.

the world still stops.

just not for you.

[dissonants-13]

Prompt 25: “If I leave now, I won’t come back.” For any ILITW character that inspires you

Thank you for playing non! I hope you like it xx

If anyone would like to make a request, prompt list is here: break yo heart

Story Details: Angst, angst, angst. Lucas x MC, Lucas x Stacy if you squint. I’ve used the generic name Devon for MC, but I’ve used they/them as dear nonny didn’t specify a gender. Dark themes, mental health issues. 

‘I Wont Come Back’

Before

“Devon!” Lucas says, for the fourth time,raising his voice a little now. It’s halftime, the last game of the regularseason, and the cheerleaders are doing a routine - but nothing so interestingthat Devon would be that engrossed. Dan is standing on the side line,open-mouthed beneath a stream of Gatorade, and when he’s satisfied, he wipeshis mouth on the back of his sleeve and tosses the bottle back to the waterboy, before leading his team down the race to the locker rooms.

“What?” Devon finally says, turning to look atLucas.

“Finally! What planet are you on?” Lucas asks, tappingDevon’s forehead and half-expecting to hear a hollow sound. “Do you want somefood?”

Devon shakes their head absently, wrapping theirarms around themselves as if to hold all their pieces together. Lucas isfamiliar with the posture. He’s also familiar with Devon’s standard ‘no’ answerto food, and, eyeing their jutting collarbone, resolves to get an extra dim simanyway. 

He pushes and shoulders his way through themilling crowd to the food trucks, and he lines up, his mind still on Devon.They’ve been together for quite a while now, since before Noah; a relationshipforged in the fire of the whole Redfield issue. Over the last year, everyonehad scattered; Lucas and Stacy to college, Andy and Dan repeating senior year,Lily working as a teacher’s aide, and Ava working at the library and running ahealing herbs business out of Pritch’s old place. Devon stuck aroundWestchester to heal and take stock, but since the one year memorial, that wholeprocess had seemed to crash a little.

Lucas pays and takes his food back to thebleachers, where Devon is still staring into space. More often than not thesedays, this is how Devon is, even when Lucas is home from college. The weightloss, the clear depression - which Devon does not want to talk about -the distraction, all of that Lucas can deal with. What he’s struggling with isthe abyss of distance that’s opened up between them; Lucas feels like he’salways reaching to Devon across the darkness, and getting absolutely nothing inreturn.

He’s tried to say how it all makes him feel, butDevon just doesn’t really get it. All the guilt and sadness in the wake ofNoah’s betrayal and sacrifice is enough to deal with - Devon just doesn’t seemto comprehend how all the little manifestations of pain in their life harmsLucas and their relationship. How it feels like Devon doesn’t care, becausethey never ask how Lucas’ day was, when he always asks after Devon’s.How much it hurts when Devon doesn’t even notice Lucas anymore, not even whenhe strolls in, naked as the day he was born and gleaming after a shower. Howdevastating it is when Lucas is always trying to help, and Devon gives himnothing back. They can’t talk about Devon’s feelings. They can’t talk aboutwhat happened. Every day just feels like mounting moments of things leftunsaid, and Lucas is worried about Devon coping, but he’s also exhausted fromfeeling like he’s the only one putting all the effort in.

After the game, the gang wants to hang outbecause everyone is back in town, and the Wolves won, and they so rarely get tobe together for the happy moments now that everyone is doing their own thing.Devon doesn’t want to go; Lucas watches their lips press together and theirhead shake slowly, firmly shutting down Stacy and Lily’s pleading.

So Lucas goes out with the gang alone, and forthe first time in a while, it’s kind of like a weight is off his shoulders.

After

“It’s like guilt, warring with a sense offreedom,” Lucas sighs, rubbing his tired eyes and stirring his coffee.

Stacy hums an agreeable noise and eyes Lucasclosely. “But how are you doing?” She carefully avoids the ‘are you okay?’ lineof questioning, and Lucas both blames and thanks her Intro to AbnormalPsychology class for making her so good at interrogating him. He has absolutelyno doubt that Stacy will be literally the worlds best criminal psychologist,and it’s only partly because she already has an innate ability to see straightthrough everyone’s bullshit.

“It’s hard,” Lucas admits. “Every day is hard.But..” he stops, breathing deeply, and the words die in his throat.

“But what?” Stacy asks, lacing their fingerstogether. There’s no hesitation. No doubt or space between them. It’s easy.

Lucas pushes his glasses up the bridge of hisnose with his free hand and eyes her. “But…I haven’t shut everyone out atleast.”

Before

The night that finally breaks Lucas is hisbirthday. It’s not just that Devon seems to have forgotten all day and onlysays happy birthday when Lucas’ phone dings with a steady stream of birthdaymessages over dinner (which he picked up and bought with him to Devon’s house).It’s not just that it’s painfully obvious immediately that Devon didn’t get hima present. It’s not just that for weeks Devon has been noncommittal to allLucas’s ideas; movies, bowling, dinner at a nice restaurant, none of it. Andit’s not just that when the gang arrives, ready to take Lucas out, that Devonflat refuses to go. It’s all of that, and more.

It’s the missing affection, which he givesDevon, but he doesn’t get in return.

It’s the fact that Devon won’t even tryto let him in.

It’s the fact that Lucas is putting in allthe effort and getting a brick wall in return.

It’s that Devon would rather write letters toNoah that never get sent, because he’s dead, than talk to Lucas, wholoves Devon and wants to help.

And Lucas is sick of it. The guilt isoverwhelming, but Lucas is just so exhausted of the whole thing. He can’t holdDevon and himself up anymore, he can’t drag Devon out of the darkness without anyhelp. He doesn’t want to end things, but he can’t ignore how he feels anymore.He needs to take care of himself.

And so, with all their friends watching and hot,prickling tears in his eyes, he says; “Are you really not going to come?”

Devon curls up on the couch, in that samehugged, defensive position. “No. I don’t want to.”

Lucas feels someone, maybe Lily, touch hisshoulder gently, but he shrugs them off. “Then you know this is it?” he says, alittle harsher than intended. “If I leave now, I won’t come back.”

Devon slowly meets his eye, lips pressedtogether. It strikes Lucas then that all the warmth is gone from Devon’s browneyes. There’s nothing left but emptiness and maybe the slightest hint ofregret.

“Then go,” Devon says, with an air of finalitythat makes even Andy suck in a shocked breath.

By the time they get to Dan’s car, Lucas knowshe’s crying openly, but it still hurts and he can’t hide that. He gaveeverything to someone who was lost to a dead man, and forces none of them couldcontrol.

“We don’t have to go out,” Ava says gently, andif Ava Cunningham thought the situation didn’t need any snark then things weredire indeed.

“No, we do,” Lucas snaps, getting into the frontseat. “The last thing I need is to turn into Devon.”

They pile in behind him, half in Dan’s car, andthe other half in Lily’s. Stacy sits behind Lucas, and halfway into town, hefeels her squeeze his shoulder gently. He lowers the window, and, for the firsttime in months, he can breathe again.

After

It’s after midnight, and his suite is quiet andstill when Lucas gets the call. It’s Andy, full of panic and grief, and Lucasalready knows what’s happened before the news even comes.

“It’s Devon - parents found - nothing - just getto the hospital-”

Lucas drives there in a stupor, through thenight, to the hospital at Westchester, but Dan intercepts him in the lobby.Lucas melts into Dan’s strong arms and vice-like hold, letting Dan take all theweight of his world for a moment. Curiously, he finds he cannot cry; his jaw istight and his eyes burn, like he should be crying, but nothing comes.

“Devon’s gone mate,” Dan murmurs, in the mostDan-like of voices; deep, calming, like music you don’t hear, but feelin your soul. “It was over before the medics even got to the house.”  

“No suffering?” Lucas manages to ask, throughhis sandpaper throat.

“Like going to sleep, the doctors said,” Dananswers, holding Lucas tighter. And then, without even looking at Lucas’ faceto know, Dan says, “This is not your fault. Devon had demons none of uscould understand.”

Even still, Lucas knows the guilt and the painwill live with him forever.

After

In the years since, he’s asked for signs. He’sdowned oceans of booze, slept with scores of easy conquests, driven too fast,and purposefully listened to songs that make him cry, just to feel something.But no sign has ever come. He tries to move on, but he never goes for what hereally wants because he doesn’t want to destroy that too.

Maybe it’s a curse, he thinks. Noah had it afterJane, and Devon after Noah. The curse of being unable to let go. Redfield’slast gift.

It’s like a ball of lead that sits in his chest,weighing him down no matter how good he feels. Lucas wonders if he’ll ever notfeel the weight of what Devon did. 

He wonders right up until the moment that Lilylooks up at him, her newborn son cradled in her arms, and says, “Uncle Lucas,there’s someone here who wants to meet you.” Stacy holds his hand, and the roomis so full of emotion from all their friends, that it feels like the warmestand softest of blankets shrouding them all. Even Ava is misty-eyed, and she’smore stoic than any of them.

And he hopes again.

[ts-akhmim]

Episode 9 | “Autumn's World”- Jakey

ok i really wasnt going to make a post tribal confessional because my last one was so long but like i have to get this off my chest... can i just say the irony is NOT lost on me that im the one who got the power to visit the pre jurors and plead my case on who i think they should vote for and......they voted for ME???? at least that's what my common sense is telling me because almost no one said anything to me during my trip there so... i doubt they voted amir because im pretty sure liam did? like..... this game is REALLY starting to make me extremely self conscious like wtf i literally havent even met half of these people and the majority of them voted for me without even knowing me.... has my whole life been a lie? am i not actually the bomb dot com?? like i dont think im this amazing person or anything and obviously i know not everyone is gonna like me but WHAT is it about me that's clearly so polarizing with people and NOT in a good way... first people in the game i didnt know wanted to vote me out now people i dont know want me out too do i have a sticker on my forehead that says hate on me? like trust and believe i hate myself enough i dont need yalls negativity too ! maybe im just too ahead of the times for certain people.. at this point i dont care, im a tough cookie and i guess im a little mean and judgemental so this is just my karma but whatever, pity party over, i guess you know you that bitch when you cause all this conversation zzzzzz

okay so i filmed two video confessionals while walking the dog but i think i just flipped the captain vote?! i truly do think i just flipped the captain vote while walking the dog which is so exciting. i knew voting jordan was stupid to scorn him for no reason, so i decided tj would be better, spoke to who i needed to speak to, and now its happening hehe [the two videos i filmed should explain why i did what i did]. this is the first time this game i felt like montenegro ali is not gone completely - i set a goal for myself and i made it happen. now no matter what this season i can be proud that i made something happen hehe. tj's target is gonna inflate like a balloon now hehe. the way i did it was i spoke to autumn first, who i knew also had the connections with the beauties who would need to be flipped, then talked about my reservations with jake/devon/augusto. i knew autumn would push tj, and i just got to sit back and here them all say tj to me?! i feel so proud that i made that happen tm, now we have a scapegoat set up. i think update so: Ideal Bootlist: Kendall > TJ > Jordan/Augusto > Jordan/Augusto > Duncan > Amir > F5: Me/Autumn/Jake/Devon/Adam Ranking as a Juror: autumn > jake > amir > duncan > jordan > augusto > devon > adam > tj > kendall

okay so... i think as a consequence of the trust rankings, i think i'm now set up very well to be shielded by both my closest allies, jake for his idol play and autumn for the perception of her as someone who runs the tribe. ideally next two votes are maybe kendall then tj? idek

im gonna say something, that i NEVER say and im gonna OWN IT. . . .. .... IM A DUMB BITCH. ok i say that a lot but THISSS time i really mean it, ive been playing this game so short sighted and completely narrowly, focused on getting these old beautys out for almost voting me out in the beginning, and today i find out, that little old ME is the one who's actually been the president of the clown academy smh obviously, i do still think i was semi valid in not trusting any of those 3 at first, but today, amir approached me finally to clear the air, because like i said before, the reason ive had no interest in working with like him or augusto was because i knew what they were plotting against me, HOWEVER .... i guess i lacked some common sense that shouldve told me well look at it from their perspective, it's just very hard for me to trust when i was lied to so, i know for a fact someone went to amir and probably told him i wanted him out last round instead of liam, and i also learn that the REAL CLOWN OF ALL THE LANDS IS DUNCAN. I had a call with jordan today, and he basically spilled the beans that duncan wants my head on a silver platter?? first of all, duncan, you're a fool. I was completely on your side and actually trusted you, so thanks for nothing! I would not be surprised if he was trying to go to amir to plan to vote me out I also talked to autumn on call today and she confirmed that to me as well, and it made me feel a lot better because i think duncan thinks that IM overconfident in the game which is NOT THE CASE...have yall seen my confessionals??? is it or is it not tea that all i do is sit and guess multiple scenarios for my paranoia...granted i KNOW im a diva and i have fits and my moments, but i genuinely try not to get comfortable, so the fact that HE thinks he can get comfty and get me out, boy you got another thing coming because i may not know what the HELL im doing 85% of the time but i think that's one of my best traits, im a wildcard and elusive and adaptability is what i try to go for more so than being that person in charge, because clearly anytime i think im in charge, thats NEVER the case... and congratulations because now there's an angry adam on the loose and duncan is now my biggest target out of no where. Funny how so much can change in less than a day huh? at this point i literally trust no one i feel like im at the liar convention of the century, i want to say i trust autumn, jordan, and kinda ali the most but idk anymore. I feel like Jakey is 100% in with duncan to get me out too but idk i dont have any proof, just a conspiracy because they both messaged me at the exact same time after ignoring me for hours so it made me think they had a call together of some sort and talked about me I'm kinda upset with myself because every time i play i do this stupid thing where i refuse to look at the bigger picture, and im glad there's still enough game left i can kinda start to snap out of it and see where it takes me from here, even though ive played twice and done decent placement wise both times i feel like i have a lot to prove as far as people just thinking im an idiot and will never catch on to things, and i definitely think duncan thinks im an idiot now but you know what, ill let him think that because the fact that people are letting me in on things, shows me i must be doing at least something right ....although it could get tricky, because i really do love autumn and me and her both agreed jordan is a huge threat down the road, but jordan is also on my side right now so i need to treat carefully with that i also need to get to WORK on connecting and mending my relationships with amir/augusto, at this point all i can do is try and be honest with them about whats been going on and hopefully they dont rule me out, BUT ... in my slight defense i never wouldve been so against them if they just owned up to it and not lied to me over and over again in the beginning xoxo but i do hereby take away all the SHIT ive talked since like..... day 7 dajfks ok last thing i want to touch on is im STILL confused why no one trusts me in this immunity challenge i got second to last after KENDALL..... like all shade at myself yall are giving me WAY too much credit... they all still think im stacked with idols and advtantages and even though i MAY have cracked the pyramid im not good at solving shit so FUCK 2048 FOR GETTING MY WAY OF GETTING THIS IDOL 

just called with amir for ages and he was 100% misting me but i'm at peace with it he is super sweet.

Adam, welcome to your tape. im not even sure where to begin .... ive never YELLED at a gay in my life like this... that gay being ME.... so here i am, having a breakdown going boo hoo hoo for me thinking people must just HATE me for whatever unknown reason, only for me to find out I UNKNOWINGLY GAVE EVERYONE A REASON DHAJKFDHAJKD rewind back to survivor auction....obviously i knew with an anonymous auction people were ALL gonna start lying about what they really got and what not ... however, im sure none of them were STUPID ENOUGH TO TELL A BLATANTLY OBVIOUSLY FALSE FABRICATION LIKE ME I LITERALLY DIDNT EVEN THINK ABOUT IT ... SO I JUST WANTED PEOPLE TO THINK I WAS AT LEAST TRYING FOR IMMUNITY SO I TOLD EVERYONE I BID ON THE IMMUNITY NECKLACES THEN WHEN I DIDNT GET THEM I WENT FOR THE ADVANTAGE, MEANWHILE NOT USING COMMON SENSE AND REALIZING IF I BID ON THE NECKLACES....I WOULDNT BE ABLE TO BID ON THE CHALLENGE ADVANTAGE i literally pulled a cirie trying to play officer sarah's own steal a vote against her but no not really because cirie is a LEGEND and im just a DUMB DUMB. AT LEAST CIRIE CAN SAY SHE WAS PHYSICALLY AND MENTALLY EXHAUSTED WHICH IS WHY SHE MESSED UP BUT WHAT CAN I SAY?? ive never made such an idiotic mistake so obvious before.... i was probably high so ill blame the weed for some of it but mostly just me being dumb. ive been sitting around DRAGGING people for lying to me and now here i am lying right to everyone BUT IN MY DEFENSE.....it really is such a MINUSCULE lie but considering i devoted my entire first part of my game to being against people for telling me the tiniest of lies, i must look like SUCH a hyprocrite but one thing about me is at least ill own it, however, im now one of the biggest and easiest targets in the game because of what ive done so it's time to come up with something real quick (but not another lie NO MORE....) i completely deserved #9 in that challenge but dhfakj its time to completely change my game because now no one is gonna want to work with me and it's my own fault, im a dead fish being asked to come back to life, im gonna have to find a way to play this off or even just come clean and hope it doesnt completely screw me.... but wait..... i just got 9th on all these people's lists and completely lied to everyone and.....somehow they decided to let me have immunity??? what the HELL is going on? i mean logically speaking if im the biggest target here now why not keep me around because im so stupid, at first i was just trying to ACT dumb but that i actually am just dumb, it makes it a lot easier that's for sure! so yeah .... gonna lay low for a bit and not dig myself in more holes

tj and jordan really. really. think they can vote autumn out to scoop me up? like do i look like a sheep, do i look like a clown? because i do not have wool nor do i have a clown wig on. im so done with jordan he can pretend and preach till the cows come home that we are working together and that threats need to stick together.... but actions 100% speak louder than words, and his actions are nothing but shady so

yall: confess! me, who's already made 10 confessionals per round and the 1 person yall weren't talking to: ok sure ! anyway im still an idiot just a tiny update, ive decided to come clean about that damn auction even though everyone already knew oop, lying clearly wasnt working for me even tho i got immunity so maybe it did work in some sick and twisted way??? I really just tried to play it up by telling everyone that i only did it because i have trust issues and didnt know who i could really trust until after the vote, which is kinda true, but obviously my lie was just stupid nonetheless like GOD i literally couldve been in a better spot by being honest all along, but its like.....i willingly stopped in the middle of the race to put a hurdle in front of myself.... but anywho, as long as i have immunity this round, it gives me time to do damage control and see if i can salvage any of my game dafshkj I also talked with amir and augusto finally both on calls separately, to bury the unnecessary hatchet ive been holding onto, amir really did make me feel better about everything between us because he actually apologized because he was able to admit that everything that happened....was literally their own fault ctfu, like had they just been honest with me, we wouldve moved on, but i NO longer hold any ill will towards them about it from a game point, i liked being able to talk with augusto again too because i really did genuinely feel like he was someone i really wanted to play with, and i just dont want to be against the only other 3 brown gays in the game like me and autumn had such a long and great talk about the RACIAL bias in survivor YEAH i said it. I think we should have that conversation. As far as the vote goes it's actually kinda crazy to me....autumn was just talking to me earlier about wanting jordan out because he is definitely a threat, and she's somehow single handedly gotten everyone on board to do it which is scary but im just like....in awe of watching her play like i truly believe talking with her is the reason i won immunity, and i truly think if i didnt have this immunity i would be the one leaving because of my damn big mouth and my own antics. but jordan's kinda been on my side giving me select tea, however i know for a fact he's been holding out on me, but voting him out is still absolutely gonna suck for me tbh, im gonna feel like a bad person, but if there's anything ive learned the last 24 hours of this game is that whatever, this is truly just a game and i need to stop being so overtly sensitive to everything and play smart from here on out. I cant beat jordan in the end. He also just has more loyalties to other people than me so, the plan right now might be to vote him out and he might think it's autumn so he doesnt do anything crazy? i mean part of me WANTS to let him in on the tea just so he can cause chaos but it would get back to me....and im not sure him staying would benefit me enough to piss everyone off, so for ONCE watch while i sit back and shut up

I should have done this yesterday, but I guess I'll spill now. So yesterday was easily the worst day of this game so far for me. I was taking the LSAT, which I thought would give me some amount of a break from being talked about, but it turns out that everyone is going to vote me to be Captain. That part doesn't bother me AS much. What bothers me more is that Duncan and Autumn, who pent so much time genuinely connecting with, apparently turned on us to work with the Beauties over the alliance me and Jordan had with them. I understand that Autumn and Ali are close, yes, but I really thought the connection I had made with those two would allow them to at least stand up for me when people threw my name out there for Captain and have Adam voted as Captain WHEN HE WANTED TO BE IT! And then I choose to save the Bottoms. I wanted to do this not out of revenge, but in order to have a potential in with the Beauty trio of Augusto/Amir/Kendall (on top of if I save the Tops, there is no way I win immunity). So I go with my gut, and then Jakey tells me there was a chat made with the Tops about how to get Adam/Amir/Augusto or some duo of those three safe in spite of my choice. So Autumn of all people, who we went to the same fucking university, decides to vote me out of spite. That just sucks so much to know because I genuinely thought I was going to work with her and Duncan. I truly thought there was something there. And now I feel I have to start back from square one. The day has come where I think I want to work with the Beauty trio; three people I've never been on the same tribe as, but at least they understand the situation I'm in since they have a similar one. Now we can hopefully prevent this stupid Brawn vs. Beauty grudge match that the Brains had created. No more. The Ginger is done being Mr. Nice Guy. I won't sit around any more and let people take advantage of my kindness. I want to win this fucking game, and I intend to do exactly that.

This is likely the most 'dangerous' round I have been apart of. Jordan/Duncan/Autumn/TJ have been involved in an alliance for quite some time. At 8:58pm EST (2 mins before the deadline), I jumped on and asked who I should eliminate. Instead of anyone telling me publicly who to eliminate, it was Duncan of all people who privately messaged me and said to eliminate his buddy Jordan. Since then, I have had the opportunity to talk to a lot of people. I exposed the alliance to those I knew could play a role in breaking it up. For now, the plan seems to be Jordan. However, almost everyone knows about it, and idols/advantages could come into play at any point. Duncan should be safe for now, but his time is coming. I just need to be able to time everything. 

Kendall, if you see this I just want you to know that I love you so so so so so much! I know these people for whatever reason don’t give you the time of day but it’s because of that that they don’t see just how amazing you are! Your crown is slipping ma’am, but don’t let it because you’re a queen and I love you tons <3

If I had to sum up this round, I would say that overconfidence is a weakness in this game. Just look at the MESS that has transpired this round. 1) Autumn pushed for Jordan a LOT as she was in a power position 2) It ended up falling on TJ due to Duncan initially voting that way and Autumn telling others to do that 3) TJ decided to save the bottoms instead of his alliance members for some reason 4) Duncan thought he could do the most and veto my immunity to “save” Jordan only to get Devon to do it instead so his hands are clean 5) Autumn and Duncan tried to control the entire round 6) Jordan thought he could pull a fast one on Autumn by approaching people to blindside her despite not building connections with a lot of players… BASICALLY, people need to humble themselves a bit. I understand that in these games, everyone thinks they are the smartest person here but like… these people tried to have their cake, ate it too, and then threw it up and caused a mess. It’s just… wow (‘:

While I would love to blindside Autumn soon, I’ve wanted Jordan Pines out since I got to the merge because he is a dangerous player. Going into the round, I didn’t see it as a possibility given that I alongside Autumn and Amir were the only people to feel like Jordan should leave. But now? He’s Public Enemy #1 and I’m all for it. Getting Jordan out helps me a lot because now I can possibly have TJ on my side, Autumn trusts me now more than ever, Jakey and I are getting closer, Duncan did all this craziness only to have the person he tried to save leave so he’s a target, and yeah… it just is in my best interest to do so so that’s what I plan on doing.

Ngl, I played victim this round because everything that has happened to me has been because of me being scapegoated in one way or another. Granted, I did tell Kendall and Amir to place me low on their lists but I’m sure I was #8 because of the Beauty trio. In a way, I’m using that to my advantage. Even Duncan deciding to veto my immunity and not Jordan’s has been something I’ve capitalized on a lot this round and I think that decision by Duncan is what turned the tides against him ultimately. Strangely, this round has been super amazing for me? yay?

The amount of TEA I have been given this round is insane. I know Amir has an idol, Devon has a double vote, Adam has a challenge advantage & he got to talk to the prejury, the existence of the TJ/Jordan/Duncan/Autumn alliance, I was the first Beauty Jordan approached to get Autumn out, Autumn told me that if she leaves she wants Amir or I to win, I was pulled into an alliance with Autumn/Devon/Amir/myself, Adam and I agreed Amir is dangerous so Adam wants me here more than Amir, and Jakey told me about the Tops group chat when it was made and told me everything that happened there (same with Autumn). I’ve been a tea collector this round and I’m not mad at all. While I love Amir, I do fear that our games are a little too intertwined and that if I sit next to him at the end, I’ll lose badly… but I think people also seem him as a major target so in a way he’s a shield? I need to find a way to separate myself gameplay-wise. I do think I’ve done a lot for our partnership (it was my connection to Devon and my connection to Autumn that got us in these good positions) so yeah we’ll see… I just want to win yknow ;-; love Amir sooooooo much tho

im gonna write a longer one in a bit but the summary rn is jordan pines can legit go peace out and send his white male rage somewhere else im not about to listen to him get mad at me when he wanted to blindside me this round like... get that energy somewhere else im not the one

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH THEY WERE GONNA MAKE ADAM CAPTAIN AND WE PUSHED FOR IT TO A BRAWN AND NOW BRAWN IS MAD AT BRAIN IM GOING TO TRY AND FINESSE IMMUNITY OUT OF THIS

okay okay so basically, ewkjfnekwfnew i spent all morning not wanting them to vote adam as a captain, and then for my list, i basically got multiple people to rig my position, aka devon jakey and augusto to put me mid low, and tried to make ppl put brain + ali at the top. now the lists are exposed, adam wants to work with me again, and ppl are scared of brawn + ali. I am trying to make that i can win immunity this round, and then i can shut my mouth and these people can fuck each other up so PLEASAAAAAAASEEEE LET ME WIN IMMUNITY

So here we go let me spill some tea about these people, so last round, I had devon come to me and tell me that Adam said my name, Liam was the vote for me, and many people were entertaining it and were purposely leaving me on read. Like for the entire first round, Adam liam tj jordan and Ali all didn’t make a single effort to talk any game with me. This round comes around, and it’s a damn trust list when I’m currently in the most notorious beauty threesome of all time, and Ik it’s not gonna go well cuz everyone wants us out cuz me kendall and Augusto are so prettty and they r jealous But early on in the morning, autumn wants to call, and we do, and she’s like let’s make Jordan the captain vote, which makes sense cuz that’s what jakey and Augusto told me the night prior, so like all good I agree to make the captain Jordan. Basically, being the captain in this, SUCKS, cuz u won’t win immunity and u piss off 4 people, so miss autumn, hangs up on me to call other people and suddenly tj, who mind you is doing his LSAT exam, comes back to autumn and Duncan making him the vote for the captain. They fucked him OVER LMAO, and then the trust list comes out, and allllll the beauties and jordan on the bottom, and alllll the brains at the top with Ali and jakey . So suddenly, tj has a change of heart and he messaged me about how wants to get to know the beauties better, and he cuts the tops and the bottoms live. But like, Duncan autumn tj and Jordan literallt had an alliance and the they fucked him over so like Dkndkdndkd Anyway, the immunity challenge is happening, jakey and Devon help me win immunity discretely, And now I’m IMMUNEEEEE I suddenly love this crackhead competition , and with the list order, everyone can tell the brains are playing ALL SIDES. So adam and I finally decide to talk cuz we’re both at the bottom, and I’m like okay sis are we good, and he’s like I heard some shit and I was just really honest about early hathor and I think him and I are okay rn?? So like that’s good for me, So me and adam are safe, and all hell breaks loose, cuz Jordan apparently was super convinced with his safety but autumn and Duncan cut them out of the competition. Duncan was so shady about it, he actually asked devon to do it, and he decided to do Augusto, so like Duncan’s way of being loyal to Jordan is to tell someone else to do it so he’s being extremely messy. He’s not telling me about his alliance STILL, playing dumb with me, So autumn calls me and she IS POPPINGGGGG OFFFFFFF and dragging the 2 white boys from brawn to FILTH, and organizes this entire plan for them to think it’s between tj and Duncan, but we tell them autumn, and then we all vote Jordan. Jakey tried to make it duncan but I refuse, because Duncan is necessary to be against Ali and Duncan’s whole ass game is blown up now. No one trusts him, so I want him here. and jakey was like fine hehe and honestly okay I love jakey so much, like I plan on being loyal for as long as he’s loyal to me but I feel like he’d cut me in a couple rounds. Rn we are tight tho and we tell each other everything. Augusto and Kendall AND I MIGHT MAKE IT ANOTHER ROUND LMFAOOO DKDJDKNDD, And the MESSIEST PART OF TODAY IS HOW AUTUMN GOT US FROM POINT A TO POINT B. Like she literally woke up, fucked over tj, then cut the brawn out of the comp, and then felt betrayed by them, for her fucking them over, and has now taken control of the game. Like I’m just gonna say, she betrayed her alliance with brawn and she’s starting to work with me and Augusto and for that I fuckin love her. She’s also super cool I’ll do a merge cast analysis next round Anyway yeah good night love y’all xoxoxox

okay so today jordan calls me and hes like heyyyyyy sisterrrr lets all vote autumn and i say ok ok lets do it, but in my head im like nonononoonon, cuz jordan has spent 5 days talking about getting my out, and he literally doesnt even have the votes so i cant consider this cuz jakey isnt down at all, he simply doesnt have the numbers, so the plan is me tj jakey augusto kendall jordan vote autumn but we all rat on jordan, so everyone is suppose to split on jordan and tj but someone ratted to them and now no one is paying attention to me as much LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOO ps, jordan pines, i really really do like u and enjoy talking to u and i would love to get to know u after the game <3 , im still gonna slit your throat tho, sorry for that

okay so tonight jordan pines is going to jury. drew in my host chat said "i hate when my faves fight" and let it be known. im not going to fight jordan, im going to send him to jury so he can complain there. his rage and aggression im not in the mood to deal with. its crazy how jordan brought the tribe together and his reign of terror tribe calls are not working. you cant come at people with rage, when your whole strategy has revolved around treating people like your pawns. like you treated this like chess but the one in checkmate is you. cut to me being voted out but im sick of jordan and his attitude, this is a game in a serious time in the world. its coronavirus quarantine and portraying everyone as literal satan is fucked up and i have zero time for it so. he can take his bad energy to being the world's most bitter juror. i really liked jordan, but this was a really toxic ugly side that came out tonight and i hate it

this lil challenge yall came up with it? I'm not with it https://drive.google.com/open?id=1K3cO8KqOtvKoz6bPPlZ1IoTgrBWY5-7-

if yall dont come get Jordan Pines so I don't beat his ass because I wish he would pipe up to me. He got all the kids scared but not me. Bitch this vote is solid and you wouldn't be doing the most if you could save yourself so bloop. Ali ain't flipping, Devon ain't flipping, Jakey ain't flipping, and the POC's ain't flipping so you can have TJ and the little vote steal cause that's all you got. Wait til Duncan walks in and find out Jordan is trying to put the vote on him he'll really vote his ass out Fuck an idol- if it gets played it gets played but it's not like he's getting to the end so if I walk into jury, so be it. Maybe I'll actually get to finish Cagayan since every time I get hooked in an episode, some fuckery goes down in Akhmim. ALSO WHO THE FUCK SNITCHED???? WE HAD TWO AND A HALF HOURS TO GO YOU SNAKE. I bet it was Duncan or Kendall cause they're the only ones messy enough to still be up Jordan's ass after aaaaaallll of this. Devon really thought about flipping because Jordan promised him he'd reveal the rat if Devon voted with him. Girl really?? https://giphy.com/gifs/oxygenmedia-bad-girls-club-bgc-bgc10-10hUQ2QszsZ75S I'm so sick of these white boys I don't know what to do. Get back in line!!! You don't want the smoke and you know it!!! That's why Jordan's dumbass is trying to switch targets cause it's rock. solid. over here. And it's gonna stay that way too! We can kill Duncan on Thursday but tonight?? We ARE doing Jordan Pines, no I'm not taking any questions at this time. Fuck you mean "I'm tempted?" Bitch I'll end you right here right now. Tribal is minutes away so for fuck's sake stick to the damn plan. And when he goes, we got some things to discuss

today was such a hot mess, first someone leaks the plan to vote jordan out, to jordan, first of all how DARE them because THEY BEAT ME TO IT......ok i dont know if i actually wouldve but i was considering spilling the beans which is why im surprised someone else did, as soon as this happens gorl MY messages were blowing up me and autumn messaged each other at the same time like BITCH DO YOU SEE THIS HASFDKJ but anywho it was actually sad, jordan gave me good tea in the game, so i did try and create a new plan to vote duncan out, because at first jordan wanted to do autumn but i said i didnt want to do that now, maybe eventually, but not now. She helped me win the immunity so i think she genuinely wants to work with me at least for now, but im no dummy i know she's a huge threat, and im well aware that's a move that ill eventually most likely need to make even though she is easily my favorite person to talk to next to augusto/devon/amir/jakey just on like personal levels, but.... ask jakey, im loyal as long as youre not a threat to me, but the minute you become a threat, their aint no team in i ... or whatever the saying is, but yeah i said no to autumn NOW, and i said if you want me to vote with you, help me get the votes to get DUNCAN since i know he's playing everyone and targetting me directly... it almost worked, but jordan making some of the other people feel some type of way hurt him and my chances of pulling this off because in the end i couldnt risk making that move without some of those people on board because i wouldnt want to sever my loyalties to them let alone blindside them (just yet at least), and that would have also forced me on a side with tj and kendall whom i just havent completely clicked with in the game nothing against them tho, but we'll see if im next out then i deserve it for not making a move i just hope i have time to make my move still i think im doing maybe decent at trying to recover from the stupidest move of the game thus far being my POORLY thought out lie, me always quoting sandra "ill lie, but ill make up a GOOD lie.." in my head 24/7 really did not come through on that one... but anywho, devon has told me some piping hot tea, that he has the extra vote, ali has since he told me he has the nullifier, even kendall has made amends with me and ive never had a true problem with anyone personally but kendall was against me strategically and i think on call we at least cleaned the slate for now? ill probably still vote her out next round but at least i wont feel as bad but duncan....oh duncan, sweet duncan, while i adore you as a person, i dont adore you lying right to my face when i straight up asked if you wanted me out originally, when both jordan AND autumn have told me what you been up to sis.... ask my fellow beautys i can hold a grudge so dont poke the bear! and not only that but i will start plotting getting you out and that's 100% the move i want to make next if i have any say in it. Because i think everyone sees now that he's trying to play everyone and recover from his own foolish move of getting exposed from his alliance... so now that i cant believe a word you say, you can no longer believe a word i say! We can keep chatting it up and acting like bestie boos and i do genuinely like him, but from a game point his usefulness has run up. but who knows, im just the local town fool to these people, which is fine because at least i can acknowledge i am but ill probably just be voted out next fajdsk especially if my theory about duncan/jakey being in kahoots is true but guess we'll see

Okayyyyy soooo I have been socializing! It's pretty hit or miss! Ali and I talked briefly in the morning he showed me his doggo, she was absolutely precious. 10 out of 10 lost beauty tribe member will sacrifice my game for her. I talked it out with Jakey, while I don't trust him as far as I can throw him, I feel better about our relationship. Like I said I have better things to do then hate someone because of a game and I feel better knowing that he doesn't hate me on a personal level and vice versa. My call with Duncan was very informative. Turns out Scott and Duncan were the duo rather than Autumn and Duncan and the entire Devon situation wasn't as convolutedly stupid as I had initially thought. Devon I'm so sorry I called you stupid many times in these confessionals I meant it affectionally but I guess you really aren't lol. I am so sorry you are not stupid maybe game botty but you aren't dumb!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He also agreed to work with us, I don't know if that means he's going to vote out a Brawn this round but he will probably keep me around if only for a spare vote. I tried messaging Liam to see if we can call... he hasn't message me back. It's been day... goddamnit Liam... Adam has been talking smack about me, Augusto, and Amir. Which fair enough I guess, we did try to kill him early in the game. But between us and the NuHathor, you'd think we'd be the better option to work with? Idk, Duncan said he'd talk to him but I don't hold out too much hope. I like talking to TJ quite a bit, he reminds me of Jimmy from Malaysia. He's pretty quick witted and a fun conversationalist. God I miss Jimmy :(. If worst comes to worse I really hope my fantastic personality will help me get out of this shit hole. 

[n3sta]

stole her money... first of all feyre gave nesta AND elain any spare money. gave, as in nesta did not steal. neglected her? feyre didn’t need anyone to look after her, she was strong and nesta saw that, as she mentioned when feyre returns in acotar. second of all, she loved feyre, yes she’s flawed and has shit tons of walls around her naturally, but she was the only one not fooled by the glamour and tried to cross the wall to save feyre! ... and every human is taught from the moment they’re born to hate fae, to not trust them, because they will hurt them- feyre upon arriving at the spring court acts the just the same as nesta did in acomaf... u cannot expect her to immediately trust someone who has had a long history of oppressing humans. treats feyre like shit?? and her friends?? she was willing to die for them in the battle against hybern, choosing not to run but instead shield cassian. you seriously can’t understand her not being all sunshine and butterflies to them all when she had her own body violated and torn apart, essentially recreated into something she hadn’t yet fully became comfortable with to now having to live like that forever? in acofas she tells feyre that the solstice isn’t their holiday, because at heart she’s still human, and PERHAPS she needs more than a year to adjust. she helped countless times in the war, had to watch the father who had once watched his daughters starve w/o trying to save them, rally vassa’s army and lead a ship dedicated to her after all the time she has spent hating him, thinking he’s a coward! had to watch her sister being dragged, screaming into the cauldron, and become lifeless the months afterwards. she is a FEMINIST icon, because she is a strong, 3 dimensional character. tbh, in wings and ember, cassian deserves a good knee in the balls, why’s he approaching her and touching her w/o her consent when she’s clearly struggling... throw the whole of acofas away because no one helps her through her ptsd, they don’t help her in the way she needs just in the way they want by forcing her to go to a party by holding rent money WHICH SHE NEEDS TO LIVE IN THE WORLD SHE DOESNT WANT TO LIVE IN over her head, then not even getting her a present and ignoring her for the entirety of it? and no paintings of her in the river estate ?? kicking her out of velaris because she’s depressed and has ptsd and needs longer than a year to readjust ??? also the way rhys treats nesta,,, you can’t blame one sister and not the other?? and without nesta, cassian would’ve been dead like twice over so can he chill, he needs to appreciate her more. furthermore, NESTA WAS A CHILD ALSO. it was not her responsibility to provide for the family. Rhys should be a little more empathetic, since he knows a lot about self hatred and consuming guilt. they all make her feel so unwelcome ofc she’s not getting better. anyway, i don’t think we read the same book... if u need more reason to love and appreciate nesta’s character hmu. but i stan.

LEMME ASK YALL SOMETHING

IF NESTA WAS A MAN AND STILL ABUSED FEYRE AND STOLE HER MONEY AND SLUT SHAMED HER AND REPEATEDLY PUT HER DOWN AND NEGLECTED HER AND WAS LOWKEY RACIST TOWARDS USED HER BIAS TO TREAT FEYRES FRIENDS AND MATE LIKE SHIT WOULD YALL STILL CALL HER A FEMINIST ICON ? WOULD YALL STILL STAN?