#dracomalfoyfic

[starlight-writes-stuff]

gotta keep my draco simps fed - have a smut blurb i wrote in my phone in the car 🥴 lowkey love the way this one turned out , lmk what you think . xoxoxo , starlight 

AYO LOOK AT THESE : (1.2k wc) smut - softdom!draco , use of a toy , i think thats it ?? enjoy >:)

reblogs are always appreciated ! <3

taking care of you

it was the third time that month that it had happened .

you knew that it wasn’t your fault - MUCH less draco’s- but that didn’t help you to feel any better. it was the medication you were on; it had robbed you of the ability to cum at your boyfriend’s hands without at least an hour of build up. you weren’t going to make him do that.

but draco had other ideas.

the blonde boy practically sauntered in, an air of cockiness twining together with his usual arrogance. the combination was downright deadly, and draco knew it, too. his confidence was one of the first things that had attracted you- it was dizzying, the way he carried himself as if he was above the general population. something about it made you weak and wanting and desperately willful. you wanted to jump on the boy the minute he’d entered the room, a black bag dangling from his skilled fingers. 

“doll,” he mused, greeting you warmly. his voice was like a sweet honeycrisp apple, sending a warm tingling all over your body. reflexively, your eyes drifted shut; draco was using a tone that only came out in the bedroom and it melted you like candle wax. 

“dray.”

the pale boy water no time approaching you, wrapping one of his large hands under your jaw. his soft fingertips dug into your skin, your heart thumping in your chest. you’d slipped into an altered state in record time, dracos aroma filling your head with a hazy fog. the cold silver of his rings but into your warm skin, a pleasant sort of sting, and his eyes were heavy lidded as he ran his gaze up and down your body.

draco said nothing as his eyes snapped back to yours, only tightening his grip the slightest bit more as he dropped his mouth to the exposed skin of your collarbones. he peppered the flesh with featherlight kisses, his tongue dancing over you teasingly. “brought you something.”

“hmm?” you hummed, lifting the pitch of your voice as if it was a question. draco was no stranger to bringing gifts- he did it quite often. however, you could tell that today’s present was something different.

“gonna make you feel good, okay?” 

you pressed your thighs together, the soft fabric of your skirt crumpling. pulling your lower lip between your teeth, you drew yourself out of the desire-filled mindset you’d settled into and backed away from the green eyed boy. a sense of shame flooded your system as you placed gentle hands on the crisp, white fabric of draco’s button up. he knew you didn’t like addressing your... issue. the two of you had had one chagrin-filled exchange as you explained the side effects to him, and you’d made him promise that he wouldn’t bring it up again. it was humiliating, almost dehumanizing. before you could even open your mouth to speak, draco pressed a finger to the soft, pink flesh of your lips, tracing their outline.

“hush, bun. i got you, okay? i want to.”

you quirked a brow at him, frustration still coursing through your veins. “draco, you know that... sex isn’t working- i cant-“you stuttered, but the look in his eyes quickly shut you up. 

“not going to fuck you, bunny. gotta new trick up my sleeve, okay?”

you teetered for a moment. you trusted draco more than anything, but what if you still... couldn’t?

“get out of your own head, y/n. promise i’ll  take care of you.” 

you nodded as the words rolled off his tongue. draco looked elated at your permission- you could tell he’d been wanting to do this for a while. quickly, draco undid the velvet bag, producing a small, black device. you looked at him, confusion furrowing your brow; you were unsure of what he’d gotten. however, all your perplexity melted away as draco turned the top of the object. a low, buzzing noise filled the room. 

you were bewildered as you looked up to meet dracos eyes. you’d never used toys before- he’d always been enough for you. but with the way that desire seemed to fill every inch of the boys being, you realized he truly wanted to make you feel good; he wanted to make you cum in any way possible. 

“wanna try, bun?”

draco had lead you to his sitting room, and you knew why before you’d even gotten there. the blonde had undressed you hastily, situating your body in his lap- in front of the wall length mirror. there was a beautiful soft of contrast painted in the reflective glass; your bare form slinked over draco’s well dressed body. he’d pressed the toy to your clit without any hesitation, a sinful smirk ghosting over his lips as a moan was drawn from your throat. the vibrations seemed to wash in waves over your nervous system, arousal coating the black device within a matter of minutes.

“how does that feel, doll?”

your back arched at the tone of his voice, goosebumps covering your bare flesh as you wrapped an arm around dracos shoulders, your fingers carding through his hair. 

“feels. so good-“ you explained, the statement broken up by uneven moans tearing through your throat. you hummed as draco removed his arm from around your waist, bringing king fingers up to tweak and tease at your chest. you felt something, some sort of sensation start to pool in your lower belly, absolute bliss spilling from your lips. the feeling was so foreign and yet incredibly familiar, a sensitivity beginning to ebb away at your nerve endings.

your eyes rolled back into your head as draco began pressing kisses and gentle bites into the soft flesh of your neck, his hot breath fanning over the sensitive skin only adding to your pleasure. he rasped filthy praises into your ear, his voice low and rough and filled with lust. he couldn’t rip his eyes from the reflection of you in the mirror, legs spread and beginning to tremble. you looked like a piece of artwork, the most expensive painting money would buy. he watched aptly as your face shifted with his movements- gauging your reactions, measuring how to make you feel best. he found your sensitive spots with ease, bringing you closer and closer to your high.

“doing so good for me, doll,” he murmured in your ear, the praise filling you with a sense of tranquility. you turned your brain off as euphoria infiltrated every centimeter of your being- you panted and whined, pulling at draco’s hair. 

“so close, dray,” you breathed, the pleasure taking your ability to speak correctly. you felt dracos lips curve into a wicked smile against your skin. 

“let go for me, sweet thing. want you to cum for me.”

your entire body racked with a sweet sort of satisfaction, your orgasm rolling over you in waves each more intense than the last. draco softened his pressure on your sex slightly, allowing you to buck your hips against the vibratory, riding out your high.

your eyes fluttered open as you came down, bliss running through your veins as draco dropped tender kisses to your temple, your hair. 

“did so good, bunny, so good for me.”

[dracocean]

La La Lost You (Draco Malfoy Fic) - Ch. 1

❝ 𝐀𝐥𝐥 𝐦𝐲 𝐝𝐞𝐦𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐬𝐦𝐢𝐥𝐞. ❞  | Wattpad Link

Word Count: 3, 357

Summary: To be honest, Renee and Draco's relationship is as complicated as it is. Besides her brother and him being destined rivals, Draco discovered that he had a soft side for Renee - even though he hates to admit it. It all started last year when they had an argument in Potions class and it just so happened it ended with them making out in the third floor girl's bathroom. Did they like each other? That they were unsure. Did they still continue hooking up? Definitely.

Chapter 1

"Have it your way," she said before disapparating to Merlin knows where.

Lily Renee Potter has always been a cunning and sneaky girl. Much to a lot of people's surprise, she's quite the opposite of her infamous twin, Harry Potter - yes that Harry Potter. A lot of people aren't really aware that she exists since Voldemort attempted to kill Harry first which obviously backfired, pegging Harry as the boy who lived or whatnot. All Renee knew was that if she was the first target of that unforgivable curse, then she would probably not live to experience the joys of partying.

Always out and about, Renee never feared the Dursley's petty rules of staying indoors. She would always sneak out in the middle of the night to wander around bustling London. Compared to her brother, Renee enjoys the company of Muggles. Acquainted with the social media trend, Renee has quite an audience who enjoys her food reviews and fashion sense. Oddly enough, she's glad that she lives behind her brother's shadow because she gets to enjoy the joys of the non-wizarding world.

Walking through the lively Soho district, she enters a pub filled with plenty of people. She moves past several drunk guys until finally reaching one of her friends, Zoe. Oddly enough, she's the only one she could trust despite her being a Muggle. They used to be good friends back in Muggle primary school and ever since then, they were partners in crime when it comes to sneaking around with their fake IDs. Zoe was fully aware of Renee's roots which took a lot of convincing growing up, but she eventually learned to see her best friend for who she is.

"Hey!" Zoe screamed amidst the loud audio. "You chopped off your hair!"

Renee's hands instinctively went to her short bob, touching the strands that now rested on the level of her throat. Just like any other girl, the spontaneous decision eventually crept into her mind as she dyed half of it blonde. Now she was left with black hair from her roots, and a bright platinum blonde color trailing her strands towards the end.

"Yeah," she replies. "I have a feeling I'm going to regret it tomorrow though."

"Nonsense!" Zoe says. "You look a hundred times better!"

"Lies!" she says jokingly as she takes a sip of her drink. The music was blaring as usual but she really wasn't in the mood to party tonight. She just wanted a time out from everything, especially since she was going back to Hogwarts tomorrow. She can't help but think about what Harry said about the possibility of Voldemort coming back stronger. With so much attention from the school, the Ministry, and even their friends, it's hard to miss the impending doom they were about to face. As much as she doesn't like thinking about it, the thought of losing her brother crept up every once in a while - especially after the conversation they had earlier.

It didn't take long for Zoe to realize her glum expression as she said, "is something bothering you?"

"It's nothing, Harry and I got into a fight," she replied.

"Oh bummer. What happened?" she asked as she took another swig of her beer.

"Just something stupid," Renee lied, not bothering to explain how Harry didn't want her to go to Hogwarts this year. Did he really think she would allow him to face that noseless prick alone? Did he think she couldn't handle it? And did he really think he could get away with it because he's the chosen one?

Renee chugs down her bottle empty as she tries to forget about it. Although she loves her best friend, she utterly hates the pitiful expression she has whenever they would talk about these things - especially since these problems were way beyond her.

Renee didn't have that many friends - may it be in Hogwarts or in England. Sure, she has several connections from brands, but never a close circle wherein she could confide to. Bottling up her emotions was fairly normal for her as she was the Slytherin counterpart of her brother.

"Hey I'm gonna go get some air," she says before disappearing into the large crowd. She makes her way to the building's rooftop and sits down on the ledge. Ever since she became a regular in this pub, the rooftop eventually became one of her favorite places to stay since nobody usually goes up there. Whenever she needed time to think or just space out, it was definitely her go to.

She sat at the far end corner, just behind the entrance - the usual. The lights on the roof evaded her position, making her blend in with the darkness. Her feet dangled about 10 feet into the air as she closed her eyes.

If only it could just stay like this forever, she thought. She looks at the beautiful London skyline, taking in the view she knew she would miss when she goes back to Hogwarts. Obviously the castle is legendary and magical as it is, although a small part of her wishes she wasn't part of that world - the world that brought so much trauma to her brother, the world that demanded so much from them, and the world that made them lose their parents. It was all just too much to handle for seventeen year old Renee.

   She hears a loud thud in the rooftop door as she instinctively takes out her wand. She hides the weapon behind her as she carefully watches the boy who unwelcomingly distrubed her solace. Without warning, the boy kicks the plastic chair in front of him. He was muttering curses as he let out his frustration on the low grade polymer chair.

   Well this is awkward, she thought. He probably doesn't know he's not alone.

   "Fuck. Fuck. Fuck." he says. Still kicking the poor plastic as if it wasn't lifeless to begin with, Renee looks at him curiously as it reaches the other side of the roof. His anger didn't seem to cease as the chair retained its ergonomically practical design.

   Renee didn't judge him though, life could be a bitch sometimes and it just so happens that this guy had a way of expressing his sorrows unlike her. She found herself almost jealous of him for it though - almost.

Now he's holding the chair up with his arms and much to her dismay, it landed near her. The sound of the immortal low grade polymer crashing to the cement being the only thing that stood between her and the boy.

   "Well, fuck." she mutters under her breath.

   "Who are you?" the boy asks in an accusing tone, neglecting his dreadful opponent made of plastic. He steps into the light, his bright blonde hair giving his features a glow.

   Renee squints as she covers her mouth in shock. "No way! What are you doing here?" She stands up and walks towards the boy who looked just as shocked as her.

   "Potter?" he hisses. "What are you doing here?!"

   "I'm surprised to see you too Malfoy," Renee rolls her eyes as she relaxes her grip on her wand. She looks at the boy in awe, remembering how it's been two months since they last saw each other. She softens at the though of him, the only boy she's ever grown to like. Unlike her brother, Draco Malfoy surprisingly didn't really bother her that much - well at least not anymore. Of course he was a rude little git to most people in Hogwarts, but Renee and Draco had a special connection - one that involved lust and cravings.

   "I didn't know a pure-blood like you would bother exploring this horrendous Muggle rooftop," she says sarcastically. "Now tell me what in the world did this chair do to you?"

   He rolled his eyes as he took out a cigarette from his pocket. With a blank expression, Renee looks at him from head to toe. He obviously looked like he'd seen better days judging from his disheveled blonde hair, his loose dress shirt slightly unbuttoned, and the dark circles under his eyes. As much as Renee was in shock of his state and how the hell he obtained cigarettes, she was tired enough as it is to bother. Draco looks out to the horizon, both his elbows resting on the ledge beside Renee, as she found herself mimicking his actions.

It was quiet - a surprisingly comfortable silence which she was thankful for. Both of them stayed like that as Draco inhaled the tobacco in his system, releasing a puff of smoke into the air. He passes the cigar to her, without even looking her way. She takes it from him, and with a deep breath, does the same.

"I despise your brother, you know that right?" Draco says bitterly, still looking straight ahead.

"You don't say," she snorts, taking in another swig of the silent killing machine. "If it makes you feel better, he doesn't really like you too."

This time, he laughs. Renee looks at him, seeing the wrinkles at the bottom of his smile and the way he nonchalantly brushes off his hair. If Harry would have been here, there would be no doubt he would protectively drag her away from his sworn enemy. Instead here she was, observing the small details her proximal view of him had to offer.

Draco shifts as he catches her looking at him. With a smirk he says, "like what you see?"

"Not really, you just look hideous," which turned out to be both a lie and a truth. To be honest, Renee and Draco's relationship is as complicated as it is. Besides her brother and him being destined rivals, Draco discovered that he had a soft side for Renee - even though he hates to admit it. It all started last year when they had an argument in Potions class and it just so happened it ended with them making out in the third floor girl's bathroom. Did they like each other? That they were unsure. Did they still continue hooking up? Definitely.

This caused him to shoot her an annoyed glare which she reciprocated with a laugh. "You're slowly killing yourself, you know," she says.

Draco's face grew pale as he looked at her with a shocked expression. He wasn't sure what she meant by it but somehow, he felt like he couldn't breathe.

Renee notices his tense expression, wondering why he took it so seriously. She motions to the cigarette between his fingers, "those are deadly."

Just like that, his shoulders managed to relax as if he'd been holding his breath underwater. Everything about the night felt weird on so many levels.

He drops the stick on to the pavement, stepping on it to put out the small fire. He paces toward the far end of the roof, and to her surprise, takes the low grade polymer chair and sets it in front of her.

"Sit."

Normally she wouldn't do what he says, but again, the night was weird. She sat on the chair as Draco sat on the ledge of the roof, but instead of looking at the horizon, he was facing her. The moonlight gives his exhausted features a bit of glow as he looks at her with his intense gaze. He opens his mouth to say something but decides to keep it to himself. He was acting very strange right now, especially since Renee was used to seeing the confident and dignified Draco Malfoy walking along the hallways of Hogwarts like he owns the place. But right now, all she could see was a boy drowning in his thoughts, unsure about where the night would lead him.

"So are we just going to act like this isn't awkward at all?" Renee breaks the silence as she looks at Draco, his mouth forming a small smirk.

"I don't think we're close enough to share our family issues with each other," he spats. "Not that you would know, your parents are dead."

She knew she had every right to be offended, but his insults were getting rather unoriginal. "At least I'm not the one beating up a chair. Clearly someone has more problems."

Renee stands up, heading towards the door. Having a peaceful moment with Draco Malfoy was obviously too good to be true. As much as she disliked reuniting with some random strangers downstairs, she thought it would be better than wasting her time with this evil little cockroach.

"Hey where are you going?" he calls out to her. Seeing how she wasn't looking back, he disapparated in front of the door, holding it down before she could open it.

"I'm sorry." he says in a low tone, almost like a whisper. "Stay?"

Renee heaves out a sigh as she makes her way back into the chair. She sees the regretful look on Draco's face as he scratches the back of his head. The awkward atmosphere was clearly enough to make both of them uneasy.

"I escaped from a party at the Manor," Draco says silently. "I didn't like being surrounded by.."

He looks to his side and then to Renee as he lets out a huge sigh, "my family's friends."

Renee wasn't stupid enough to not know that the Malfoys were associated to Death Eaters, it was basically a common fact. She could see his bothered expression as he looked at his shoes. Although Draco and Renee weren't the best of friends, she had a grasp of his personality based on their encounters. Contrary to hasty generalizations, Slytherins do have feelings - they just don't show it to most people. What annoyed Renee was how the other houses easily judge them for their desire for success when in reality, a lot of work is poured into it. Being cunning and resourceful might take a part of it but the constant effort to be better than themselves is a trait that tends to be misunderstood. Same goes with emotions - not every Slytherin manifests hate, they have vulnerable sides as well.

If there was anything she felt towards Draco other than the understandable annoyance, it would be sympathy. Behind his dignified family name, he looks rather burdened with it - even though he doesn't admit it.

"I don't judge," she says as she looks at the stars above them. He swallowed the lump on his throat as it occurred to him that she knows, she knows. "And I don't blame you either."

Draco looks at her intently. His eyes locked into hers as they trailed down to her lips. She prayed that the darkness would hide the blush creeping on her cheeks. She hated how he had this effect on her - it prevents her from thinking of any witty comebacks.

A smirk was plastered on Draco's face as he got on his feet. He grabbed the other unharmed low grade polymer chair as he set it beside her. Renee looks at him, feeling rather hot than when she came into the rooftop just a while ago. She crosses her arms, pulling her coat closer to her body.

"I miss having sex with you," Draco blurted out.

This caused Renee to cough - really loud. That was the last thing she expected him to say, especially after such a sensitive topic. Too many nights caught up in each other's skin eventually lead to him saying it so casually. As much as she hates to admit it, Renee knew that deep down that there was more to her attachment to Draco. A small part of her regrets how she easily allows herself to be consumed by him yet still continues to ignore the thought as much as she can.

Renee remembered the first time they did it when Draco made it clear he didn't want any strings attached in their whole ordeal. She wasn't sure why she agreed when it was obvious that being really close to him made her heart flutter. Perhaps it was safe to say that she had a bit of hope he would eventually learn to like her, but it's been going on for months yet the nicest thing he's ever said to her was to not get caught whenever she sneaks out his dorm. Of course she feels pathetic - but she's here, with him and she forgets about her feelings for a while.

"Sorry, I don't really have sex with people I just meet on some random rooftop," she teases. Draco's cheeky grin appeared and it took every fiber Renee had to prevent her from crashing her lips into his.

"How far would you go then?" he asks, resting his hand on her knee. Renee could feel chills in her entire body as he moved his thumb back and forth. Draco notices her off-guard expression as he trails his hands up to her waist, holding the hem of her shirt.

"Is this too far?" he suggested cockily.

"Not even close," she managed to breathe out.

Draco took this as a sign to move his hands up higher, gently massaging her breast. The cold London air sending her goosebumps as Draco bit his lip, obviously amused at his own doing. Renee closes her eyes in approval as a small moan escapes her lips. This was the last thing she ever imagined doing tonight.

Her body squirms under his touch as she shifts herself closer to him. She bites her lip as his other hand squeezes her bum. She felt too much, all at once. Initially, she really didn't mind the two months of vacation but this night made her remember all the things she had been missing out.

She looks at him. She sees the boy that fills her thoughts, body and cravings. She sees the boy that hides behind his confident aura to compensate for the love he never had. She sees the boy who could never give her half of what she feels for him.

Out of nowhere, the door to the roof swings open as a drunk man stumbles outside. Both Draco and Renee instinctively fixed themselves, hoping they didn't look too obvious. She could see Draco's cocky grin from her peripheral view and she just really wanted to punch him at that moment. Much to their relief, the man fainted even before saying something to them. Draco stands up as he straightens the creases of his pants, looking at a flustered Renee.

"Well that's enough fun for tonight," Draco winks at her. "I should really head back to the Manor before they find out I'm gone."

Renee rolls her eyes as she says, "of course they would know by now. You were taking much of your time."

"See you tomorrow, angel." He smirked before disapparating back to his home.

To say that Renee was disappointed of herself was an understatement. She doesn't know why she even bothers, she was breaking the first rule in casual hookups. It wasn't good for both of them, especially given her brother's relationship with him. She knew that getting involved with Draco this year would make things more complicated. Then it occurred to her - the excitement and pain all at once as she thought of the boy with bright blonde hair.

Just on cue, Renee's phone beeped. She looked at the sender as she tried to hide the smile forming on her lips. 'Your hair suits you.'

She knew she was definitely going to regret this, but all she could think about was that all her demons had his smile. It was in the form of Draco Malfoy.

[holllandtrash]

Darkest Hour / Draco Malfoy (on Wattpad) https://my.w.tt/RJZFxlKeSbb "Do you ever feel like the antagonist in your own life?" Where an unlikely duo forms an unbreakable bond (Half-Blood Prince | Deathly Hallows) slow burn, gryffindor x slytherin you get it

[dracoslittleangel]

remember when olivia said ,"maybe i'm not just interesting as the girls you had before but god you couldn't have cared less about someone who loved you more"? my heart broke down into a million pieces. also, im planning on writing draco/peter fics based on each sour song. what do you guys think?

[starlight-writes-stuff]

chapter one - the note // light me up : a draco malfoy fic

a/n : hello ! this is chapter one of light me up. it is a bit short- i really want to get outside opinions on what you think ; i hope you enjoy ! seeing as i have exactly 0 followers on this here blog this story will also be posted on wattpad (where i’m known as starlight--writes) . it’s a bit easier to grow on there , but i figured theres always a chance of someone finding this fic on here and falling in love with it . anyways , if you’re seeing this , reblogs and notes are always appreciated . requests are open as well ! k , bye (:

reblogs are always appreciated ! <3

☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁

Charms was your least favorite class of the day. Usually you looked forward to it, eagerly awaiting getting to sit next to your boyfriend, Cedric Diggory, but in the week that the two of you had broken up, it had been torture. You still had to sit with him- the seating was assigned that way, but now instead of kisses when you walked in and holding hands under the table, it was forced smiles and awkward greetings. 

So far, you’d spent the whole class looking down at your lap, tangling your fingers together and trying to take up as little space as possible. Maybe, if you were still enough, he would just forget you were there. You made no noise, no sudden movements; essentially, acting like you didn’t even exist. However, that illusion was broken when Nearly Headless Nick has floated in through the back wall, holding a letter that he handed to Professor Flitwick. He read it over silently, then looked up and directly at you. He cleared his throat and stepped down from the pile of books he stood on, and shuffled over to you.

“Miss Y/L/N, it seems you are needed elsewhere. When you finish, please see me for the homework,” he said with a warm smile, handing you the parchment he was holding. 

You smiled back- Professor Flitwick had always been nice to you- and grabbed your bag without even reading the short note; if it meant not having to be so close to Cedric, you were happy for the excuse. As you got up, you felt a gentle tug on your sleeve and your stomach flew up into your throat. Looking up, you saw Cedric smile and drop his grip on your shirt.

“When you’re done, can we talk?” he asked quietly, trying not to draw any attention to either of you. “I’d like to. I’ll wait in the library after classes.”

You couldn’t muster a vocal response- this was the most he’d said to you in a week, and from the look on his face, it seemed important. You just nodded and fled the room, trying to compose yourself before the pumpkin pastie you had eaten before Charms came back up. 

Once you were in the silent, stony hallway, you took a deep breath. Everything was fine. He probably just wanted his jumper back- it was his favorite, and he’d given it to you for pajamas a while ago. You leaned your head back against the cool cobblestone of the hallway, and retrieved the note from your bag, reading it over twice before you fully comprehended the meaning.

Miss Y/LN, Excuse the interruption of your class- upon review of your marks, it seems that you will be quite alright missing a charms class and upholding your grade. The staff have deliberated the results of your try out for Slytherin House’s Quidditch Team, and we are glad to offer you the position of a back-up seeker. Please meet the current Slytherin seeker- Draco Malfoy- in the dining hall for a private practice. We hope this letter finds you well, Slytherin House Quidditch Staff

You tried to contain your excitement, but couldn’t wipe the grin off of your face as you made your way to the Dining Hall. You had mostly tried out for Quidditch as a one off thing, to get Cedric to shut up about it. You absolutely hadn’t expected to be chosen and assigned a spot, so the letter was the only bright point in your week so far. As you entered the great hall, you saw the white-blonde head you were supposed to be meeting leaned over a roll of parchment, chewing on his lower lip.

                                                      ☁ ☁ ☁

Draco Malfoy was in the same year as you- the same house as well- but the two of you had never talked much. Your social circles weren’t intertwined, and besides the few classes you had with him, you didn’t run into him often. As you walked over to him, you dimly wondered if he even knew your name.

“Draco? I’m supposed to meet with you, right?” you asked, timidly. He looked up from his books to meet your eyes. 

“Oh, right. Sorry, I’m trying to get this Potions work done, but…” he tapered off, shaking his head. “Anyway. Sorry- but yes, Flint asked me to meet with you. Y/N, right?”

“Right,” you said with a nod, “Yeah. And I have the answers for the Potions homework, if you want them.”

Draco gathered all his things, shoving them into his bag and asked, “Really? Oh. Wait. Aren't you in my potions class?”

You nodded, and went to fish the paper out of your book, wondering why you’d offered in the first place. You weren’t one to let others copy. “Yeah. I finished it last night, so you can look over it, if you want to,” you replied, handing him the parchment. He took the roll from your hand, giving you a half-smile. 

“Thank you. I can’t seem to understand Potions, like, ever, so I appreciate it. I promise, this will only take a couple minutes; I’ll have you out on the field right after.”

You settled beside him and pulled out your Charms book- might as well finish reading the chapter while you have the time. You could hear Draco muttering the words under his breath as he scratched them down with his quill, and found that oddly endearing. Besides him being the seeker for Slytherin, and his constant feud with Harry Potter, you really didn’t know much about the tall boy sitting next to you, so that fact that you knew how he took notes seemed almost… intimate. Like something you shouldn’t know, but you did. As you pondered on this, you started to wonder what else you didn’t know about him. You referenced the general knowledge of him you’d picked up over the last six years.

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Name- Draco Malfoy (son of Lucius and Narcissa Malfoy, who were well known in the wizard community. Kind of a dark family, though.)

Year- 6

Position- Seeker

Attributes- tall, handsome, good Quidditch  player, constantly nagging at harry potter for reasons unknown, friends with Crabbe and Goyle, mumbles while taking notes. Had never had a girlfriend, to your knowledge, but had many hookups. Quiet and brooding and slightly scary. Very intimidating, and taller than you’d think. He smelled good, like citrus and musk and old parchment, and his hair looked soft. He was a pretty boy, really. Scarily pretty. 

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You were still trying to think of anything you’d heard about him, other than the general assumptions of him: good looking, but a woeful git to just about everyone, when he shut his book and slid the roll of parchment back over to you.

“Thanks, again. So you’re gunning for my spot on the team?” he asked, packing up his things. You felt your face flush, and didn’t know how to respond when he chuckled and spoke up. “I’m kidding. It’s always good to have backup players, for when we get hurt. You must’ve really impressed Flint- he was going on and on about the ‘new girl’ at practice.”

Your cheeks got hot again as the two of you walked out of the dining hall and through the passages leading out to the field. “I guess so. I really didn’t think anything would come of me trying out.”

Draco ran a hand through his hair and walked out into the courtyard. “Really? What took you so long to try out, if you don't mind me asking? We’re always looking for new talent.”

You looked up at him out of the corner of your eye, and saw that he was waiting on an answer. “Um- I really didn’t ever think about playing, honestly. Over last summer, I was dragged into a game by a couple of friends, and they told me I had a knack for it. Then Cedric wouldn’t stop bugging me about trying to join the team, so I did.”

“That’s right. Isn’t he your boyfriend?”

You felt your heart pang at his words, and gave him a tight lipped smile. “He was. We aren’t really together anymore.”

“Oh. I’m sorry, I didn't know. I’ve just seen you two around, so I assumed…” he trailed off, looking down at you with sympathetic eyes.

“It’s fine. It was pretty recent that we,” you hesitated, almost choking on the words. “It was recently that we split up. No one really knows yet, besides close friends.”

Draco nodded, pulling a key out of his pocket. He unlocked a door on the side of the castle that you didn’t even realize existed, and walked into the cramped room. It was full of Quidditch  supplies- practice jerseys, brooms, and the trunk that held all the equipment. He picked it up, and you could see the muscles in his forearms flexing and shifting under his pale skin as he held the heavy trunk. 

“Well, I won't tell anyone. I’m sorry, I know how that can be. Will you grab two of those?” he asked, nodding at the wall behind you. Multiple brooms were mounted on it, and you grabbed two, following him out of the room. You replayed his sentence in your head. ‘I know how that can be.’ and wondered if you had missed something. You’d never seen Draco with a girl, much less a girlfriend. But maybe he was one to keep his relationships quiet. It made things much easier when you broke up if no one knew you were dating anyone in the first place.

“Yeah. It’s been… it hasn’t been fun. But, anyway, I really tried out because of that. When I didn’t hear anything for a bit, I figured that I hadn’t made it.”

“Yeah, the review takes a long time. Snape has the whole team review tryouts, then selects certain people to start training. Just about everyone was impressed with yours, though.”

“Well that’s good, right? I mean, if I’m being trained, I assume that I made it.”

Draco smiled down at you, dropping the trunk on the grass. “Welcome to the team. Let’s see what you can do.”

                                                       ☁ ☁ ☁

After a few hours of flying about Draco started packing the trunk back up, strapping the snitch back into place. The curls that had previously adorned your head had fallen limp from flying, and you were out of breath as the two of you walked back to the supply cabinet. 

“I can see why Flint was so impressed. You really could take my spot, if you wanted it,” Draco said with a smile, unlocking the hidden door once more. 

“I don’t think so. But thank you.”

He placed the trunk back on a shelf, and turned to you, crossing his arms. Again, you watched the muscles ripple under his skin and tried not to flush. “You really are good. Maybe not better than me, but good,” he said, and you could feel his eyes on you as you returned the brooms to their wall mountings. 

“I’ve seen you play, Malfoy. If you can take the snitch out from under Cedric’s nose, then I'm not sure I'll be put to much use.”

“Oh, please. Cedric isn’t what I would call competition’” he joked, locking the door behind the two of you. “And if you were watching Cedric play, how would you know if I’m any good?” he raised an eyebrow at you, and your heart fluttered in your chest. 

You’d always known Draco was good looking- it was hard not to notice that- but he was also wickedly funny, and quick witted. You felt better than you had in a week for the first time today, and you didn’t doubt that some of it had to do with the blonde boy beside you. 

“Just because I was dating someone in a different house doesn’t mean I ever stopped rooting for ours. I know where my loyalties lie.”

He gave you a sweet smile, and the two of you continued walking back to the castle in comfortable silence. When you ducked back into the bustling hallways from the courtyard, Draco cleared his throat, stopping in the small alcove. 

“So. Um, I think we should probably do this again. You did almost all solo flying today, but you need to feel the pressure of racing against someone as well. That’s half of being a seeker, is racing your opponent. Do you have a free period sometime this week?” he asked, and you felt your heart stir again- while you might’ve needed more training, you had a nagging feeling that it was a little more than that. The two of you had a good time, and you hadn’t seen Draco smile that much in the whole six years you’d been at Hogwarts with him.

“Sure. I have two on Thursday. Just let me know when you’re free; I’m in the common room a lot, so I should be easy to find.”

He grinned down at you, his blonde hair flopping down and over his forehead and cleared his throat. “Okay. sounds good. I’ll see you later, then?”

You nodded, and gave him a smile. “I’ll see you around.”

                                                       ☁ ☁ ☁

[starlight-writes-stuff]

‘light me up’ chapter four : blackout

a/n : hey , sorry this took forever lol . i’m working on a couple requests at the same time , and just trying to juggle everything (: this chapter is a little bit shorter than the past few (3.3k) but i promise the next two are hot fire . stick with me , okay ? xoxoxoxoxo , starlight <3

tw : panic attack , fainting

reblogs are always appreciated !

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You could feel Draco’s eyes following you all the way up the stairs, through the heavy oak door that led to your room. If looks could kill, you’d be dead and gone by now- there was a certain heat, a certain intensity behind Draco’s stare that seemed to cut right through you. Before you opened the door to your bedroom, you took a moment to prepare yourself for the onslaught of questions you were sure to receive.

You weren't prepared for the exact opposite: complete and suffocating silence. Rose didn’t even meet your eyes as you walked into the room, laying your bag down on the nearest surface, and Belle just looked you over, forcing a smile. 

“I thought you were doing homework, Y/N? Are you already finished?”

The sadness and disappointment were evident in Belle’s voice and seemed to tear right through you as you took a seat on your trunk.  You felt trapped- an unstoppable force against an immovable object. It seemed like the most perfect, painful paradox, and you knew that there was no getting out of this.

“Yeah.”

Belle scrunched her face, then broke eye contact. Neither of your friends could even look at you, and all you could say was ‘yeah.’ you felt wave after wave of disappointment and self-hatred roll over your shoulders, slowly crushing you. Dimly, you wondered what you looked like on the outside- could anyone see you falling into a spiral? Was it obvious, what was going on in your head? Or did you just look normal, plain as ever?

“Draco came to talk to me.”

Belle’s movements paused briefly; neither of your friends were used to his name being brought up in conversation. Draco wasn’t someone that seemed to revolve in the same universe as you guys, much less the same friends. She quickly resumed packing her bag, still not looking at you. Her voice was even and measured when she spoke again.

“How did that go?” You wanted to scream. The entire conversation felt so false, so forced, and you knew it was your fault. Before you had time to think about it, you stood up from your trunk and walked over to Rose. she was laying on her bed, reading, and didn’t bother to look up at you.

“Are you really gonna do this?”

Silence.

“Fine. You guys want to know what’s wrong? I’ll tell you.” you exclaimed, the words shooting from your mouth, each one coated in your spiteful, impulsive poison. “Everyone, everyone in my life leaves, okay? They get to know me, they decide that i’m too much to handle, or they don't like what they see, or whatever, and they run. Cedric promised me he would stay. He promised me,” you said, voice breaking, “that he wasn’t going to run.” to your horror you felt something wet start a trail for many down your cheek. Tears rolled from your eyes like raindrops from dark clouds, and you fell apart. 

Every wall you’d ever built seemed to deteriorate in an instant, crumbling down and smothering you. You felt every part of your body be pulverized by the force of each hateful, vicious brick, every bit of blistering mortar. The violence splintered your bones and ripped your muscles at the seams. It was as if all of your nerve endings were being electrocuted, a car battery having its merry way with all the electric signals pulsing throughout your body. You couldn’t breathe- it was as if your throat was pinned shut, cruel staples cutting you off from sweet oxygen you felt your lungs decay, the pink muscle going black with the lack of the vital substance. Your emotions seemed to overtake you, never sparing you the chance for one final breath before they wrenched you down, down, down to the depths of your psyche before drowning you forever. 

                                                     ☁ ☁ ☁

The first thing you noticed after regaining consciousness was the sun. Something luminous and harsh was poking at your eyelids, lighting your skin with a yellowish glow. You squeezed your eyes shut before trying to blink yourself awake, realizing that the sun had been the mysterious glow. You then noticed that you weren’t in your bed, or your clothes. 

This woke you up quickly. After a short investigation of your surroundings, you quickly deduced that you were in the infirmary. Belle and Rose were in beds on either side of you, both girls sitting up in some way. They were angled toward you, and each had various medical supplies: a rag, a mostly melted bag of ice, some sort of vial of pure ginger extract. Your body immediately humbled you as you tried to sit up, a skull splitting pain searing throughout your brain. You slumped back, moaning in pain.

Both of your friends woke up instantly at the noise, scrambling off of their cots and over to you. “Oh thank Merlin-”

“Get madam Pomf-”

“I'm just so glad you're okay i-”

“Jesus, Y/N, you scared us-”

“I promise i will never not talk you you again-”

A groan escaped your lips, all the noise too much for you to take in at once. Belle and Rose lowered their voices, their concern coming out in soft coos and scared murmurs. The pair seemed to have worked all the concern out of their systems, and were now assessing their next move. Belle set off to find Madam Pomfrey while Rose stayed behind, picking up one of your hands.

“What happened?”

Rose looked at you with an untraceable expression- you couldn’t read her for the first time ever. “We don’t know. It was like… you just- left. You were talking and then you started breathing like, really fast. Your eyes rolled back in your head and you were just… gone. We’ve been here all night. Madam Pomfrey said you had some sort of panic attack.”

“Merlin,” you whispered, swearing under your breath. You’d had panic attacks before, but never this severe. It had manifested physically; this was the first time it hadn’t been all in your head. You took a brief moment to collect yourself, processing the information that Rose had shared. You didn't know what you were supposed to do, or say, or anything really.

“Did someone catch me?”

Rose pulled a face, and your head throbbed. Propping yourself up on elbows, you brushed a hand over the back of your skull. You recoiled as you made contact with a massive bump on the back of your head. With more gentle fingers you inspected the egg sized lump that had taken up residence on your skull. 

“It was really fast- we didn’t have time to react. Belle immediately started screaming. She thought you died. Her screams were loud enough to alert the common room- someone had already run halfway to Madam Pomfrey’s before we woke you back up. Do you remember?”

“What?” The last thing you remembered was coming up to bed after talking to Draco. 

“Yeah. we woke you up after you’d passed out- only for a minute, really. You were panicked; you thought that you were drowning. You kept telling Belle and I that you couldn’t breathe, that you were sinking. Madam Pomfrey gave you something to knock you back out. You’ve been sleeping since then.”

You brought your hands back down into your lap, trying to lay back down. The bump had become more apparent now that you were fully awake; it radiated a dull, throbbing pain throughout your whole body. You looked up at Rose, who seemed to be searching your face for something. 

“Are you okay?”

Rose scoffed, but the tears in her eyes seemed to betray her hard exterior. She wiped harshly at the droplets, leaving angry red smears on her cheeks. “Maybe. I don't know. For a split second- you know-” she stuttered, trying to find the words. “I thought that you died or something. Like, you were having a heart attack, and you died with me ignoring you. I was really scared.” 

You blinked, taking a big breath in. “i’m sorry.”

This caught Rose off guard. You were rarely the first to apologize- your stubborn nature was one of your biggest struggles. It was also why you were so good at ignoring your emotions; until now, apparently. Right as she started to respond Belle came rushing in, Madam Pomfrey in hand. 

“See, she’s awake,” Belle painted, out of breath. She must’ve sprinted all the way to the healers quarters.

You offered a weak wave to Madam Pomfrey. “Alright, Y/N?”

“Alright. Sore, but alright.”

“Gonna be sore for a while- you knocked ‘rself pretty good. How’s your memory?” she asked, starting concussion protocol. You’d sat through many of these with Cedric.

“Not bad. I don’t remember anything past going up to bed, but everything before that.”

“What day of the week is it?”

You faltered for a second, but recovered quickly. “Sunday.”

“And what house ‘re you in?”

“Slytherin.” 

“Middle name?”

“Y/M/N. I’m fine, I promise. Just a little banged up.”

“What’s the date?”

“It's October 29th. I’m okay, really,” you explained, gritting your teeth against the agony that came with sitting up. Once you were upright, you grabbed for the glass of water that sat by your cot, untouched. You drank the whole thing in three sips, pouring more from the pitcher as you met Madam Pomfrey’s eyes. “Do you know what happened to me?”

“It seems as if you worked yourself into a bit of a situation, love. Do you have panic attacks often?”

“Yes.” you tried not to react to the face’s Rose and Belle made; they were hurt. You hadn’t told them that.

“Faint usually?”

“No. Never. I don't know why this time was any different,” you answered honestly. You were usually able to get yourself through your panic attacks with minimal effort- you’d been dealing with this for years. It was just something you were used to by now. 

Madam Pomfey hummed as she thought, turning to rummage through some shelves. She returned with a clear, unmarked bottle, corked with what looked like a cinnamon stick. The liquid inside was clear and thin, just like water. “What is this?”

“To help with the faintness, the lightheaded feeling. Got something going for your goose egg. I’ll be back with that in a bit. Alright?” she asked again, clearly concerned. 

“Fine, no worries.”

Madam Pomfrey looked to Rose, making steely eye contact. “You make sure she drinks that. Gonna get real busy here in about 20 minutes- all the quidditch players ’ll be comin’ in. want her out of here before that- too loud for a head injury. Understand?” 

Looking slightly intimidated and yet determined, Rose nodded her head. As Madam Pomfrey exited your two friends looked to each other, then down at you in sync. 

“How are you, really?” Belle asked, picking up one of your hands to hold. “Thought we lost you there for a minute.”

“I’m okay, really. This has never happened before. Freak accident, or something,” you explained, trying not to cringe at the ache rippling through your body. You drank another cup of water as both girls were silent. What do you say in a situation like this, though?

“Why didn’t you tell us it’s been getting bad again?” Belle asked, voice breaking and weak.

“I’m sorry.” 

Rose squeezed your shoulder, drawing you attention off of Belle and her misty eyes. “I mean this from a place of love: `I’m sorry’ isn't enough anymore, Y/N. You can’t do this stuff to yourself- I won’t let you.”

Again; unstoppable force meets an immovable object.

But this time the object is fractured and frail and too drained to fight back. Not so immovable anymore. 

“I didn’t think it was this bad; usually I can tell. I guess I locked myself too far down. I can’t- couldn’t- really feel anything. Blocked it all out, I think.”

“Why?”

You thought about this for a moment. Why really was the question. Why had you shut yourself down so far? Why had you let it get so bad? Why had everything gotten so bad so fast? Why had you passed out?

“I don't know. I mean- a lot has been happening, I guess. And for me… well, for me it’s better to feel nothing than to feel hurt, you know?”

Belle sniffled, and Rose murmured something to the sensitive girl under her breath. Belle nodded, and turned around. You watched your best friend’s slumped over form exit the room, the noise of her cries softening the further away she got. 

“Do you remember what you were telling me before? I mean, before you passed out?”

You thought about this for a second- you remembered a tense, very strained exchange with Belle and Rose, but you couldn’t recall what it was over. Then, everything was blurry, all muffled and underwater. You did your best to sort through the memories, and landed on one of Draco Malfoy. It came back to you, how you’d left the blonde boy sitting there with no explanation after coming off rather cold. You tried to process this, a grimace building on your face. 

“I remember sitting in the common room, talking to Draco. But everything is murky after that. Why?”

Rose’s face cycled through a multitude of expressions before relaxing back to something neutral again. “Why were you talking to Malfoy?”

“He came over to me.”

Rose swore under her breath, putting a hand on your shoulder as she made eye contact. “You can’t tell Belle I told you this- she doesn’t think you should know, but… anyway. When you fainted, Belle panicked, right? And Draco was the first to respond. From what she told me, he heard your name and the words ‘passed out’ and broke into a dead sprint to the infirmary. He came by to visit you early this morning- he seemed concerned.”

Your stomach tied itself into knot after knot, coiling in on itself. You didn’t know what you were supposed to do with this information. Why had Draco come to check on you? Why did he care?

“Oh.”

“Yeah. That's off topic, though. You don't remember what we were talking about?” Rose asked, looking earnest. You knew that you were missing a key piece of the puzzle, but you couldn’t seem to find it. You shook your head at the dark haired girl, the action sending pain reverberating through your body. Rose stilled, her body looking as if it were about to snap like a tensed rubberband. You could tell that she was having some sort of internal debate, but you couldn’t bring yourself to figure out what she was thinking. Everything hurt too bad. You wanted to go back to sleep.

You pulled the small vial from Rose’s fingers, uncorking the bottle and tossing the liquid back into your throat. You coughed and sputtered, eyes welling from the fire that seemed to be coursing its way down the back of your pharynx- you felt like you were choking for the second time in 24 hours. It was not a pleasant feeling.

Rose rushed to pour another cup of water, tipping your chin up and holding the cup to your lips. You drank it down as if you were dying, the cool liquid extinguishing the flames licking your insides. 

“What is that?

Before Rose could answer, Madam Pomfrey came trotting back in, holding a lavender-colored compress. It seemed to be glowing from the inside, and emitted a sweet scent of some sort of herb that you couldn’t put your finger on. 

“Right then Y/N, put this on your head.”

You didn’t bother to ask what it was, seeking any sort of relief from the agony that was working its way up and down your spine. Taking the compress from Madam Pomfrey, you placed the icy cold cloth on the bump that had formed. A moan of pleasure escaped your lips as the pain seemed to be leached from your skull- it was as if it had never been there in the first place. “Wow. What is this?”

“Old recipe. Pulls the pain right out, doesn’t it? Feeling okay?”

You went to lift your hand to give the wrinkled woman a thumbs up, but your arms felt like rubber. You began to worry when you tried to push yourself up onto elbows, but couldn’t get your limbs to behave.

Madam Pomfrey sucked a breath in through her teeth. “Right- that’s a normal side effect. Weakness. Should be gone within the day. If not, come and see me again.”

You sputtered, beginning to fight back; why hadn’t she explained this to you before you’d drained the pain from your head? You began to think that you’d rather have the skull splitting ache back, but there was no way you were going back to that. The complaint died in the back of your throat as you heard a rumble approaching the infirmary.

“Oh dear, the game must’ve finished. Y/N, how's the head?”

You rolled your neck from side to side, letting it fall back against the pillow. There was a dull sort of throb, but significantly less pain than before. “Alright, I think.”

Madam Pomfrey gave you a satisfied sort of nod, then tuned to Rose. “feel okay about getting her out of here? Probably going to need to be monitored for the next few hours.”

Rose blinked, her eyebrows starting to furrow. She opened her mouth, ready to say something but before she could do so the doors to the infirmary cracked open. Quidditch players in various stages of dishevelment poured in, each calling out for Madam Pomfrey’s assistance. 

And there he was.

Draco was bleeding from his lip, a stream of the crimson liquid making its way down his chin. This somehow made him look even better- you took a moment to evaluate why you were even more attracted to him now- then broke your stare, looking at Rose. “Can we go?”

“How am I supposed to get you out of here?” she asked in a harsh whisper, glaring at someone. You didn’t have to turn your head to figure out who.

“Y/N,” Draco breathed, his voice filled with concern. “You’re up. Are you okay?”

You widen your eyes at Rose, a signal. She gave you a barely perceptible nod, then you turned to give Draco a tight smile. “Hey, Malfoy. I’m fine, really.”

“What happened? You weren’t even upstairs for 10 minutes before Belle-”

“I hate to interrupt, but I really need to get Y/N up to bed. She’s on bedrest for today, so we should probably go.” Rose’s voice was unyielding and left no room for Draco to talk back. He scoured your face for some sort of answer, but couldn’t find anything in your blank expression. Finally, Draco put a hand on your arm, squeezing the completely numb limb. 

“Yeah, okay. Hey, we won,” he said, a warm smile painting Draco’s lips. Your heart fluttered, jumping up into your throat as Draco’s voice dropped lower. “Drove them into the ground.”

You were disgusted by how soft your voice came out, answering the blonde boy. “Shame I couldn’t see it.”

Before the two of you could continue whatever you were doing, Rose cleared her throat. “Y/N,” she spoke, her voice hard. “We need to go. How are we leaving?”

You turned to Rose, simultaneously grateful and angry with her for ending the gentle exchange you and Draco had been sharing. “I don't know. What did Madam Pomfrey say?”

Rose squabble with the answer, biting the inside of her cheek. She seemed to realize that there was no workaround for the situation- she couldn’t lift you, and the last time she’d done a levitation spell a pillow had exploded mid-air in your shared room. 

“Draco, can you lift her?”

Balls. 

[starlight-writes-stuff]

‘light me up’ chapter 2 - backgrounds and beginnings

a/n: hello !! here’s chapter 2 of ‘light me up’ . this chapter is a bit longer (3.6k words) , and i’m really proud of it . let me know what you think ! xoxoxox , starlight

reblogs are always appreciated ! <3

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As you made your way back to Charms, you couldn’t keep the grin off your face. You pushed the door open and saw Professor Flitwick grading at his desk.

“Hello Professor,” you said with a smile, and he looked up quickly.

“Ah, Ms. Langston. I take it your training went well?”

“It did, sir. Anything I missed?”

“Nothing grand. Your homework is just to finish reading chapter 14. You better hustle if you’re going to make it to your next class on time,” he answered, then quickly went back to grading the stack of papers. You exited the room and were on your way to Herbology when you remembered the odd interaction you had while leaving earlier.

Cedric had asked you to meet him in the library, and you knew that if you skipped out on it, tomorrow would be incredibly awkward. You struggled internally for a minute: you would be late to Herbology, but Cedric was head boy, therefore he could write you a pass. He’d done it before, when the two of you had been tucked away in some little nook, and had gone over your allotted time- even though it wasn’t exactly allowed, that hadn’t stopped him before. 

But did you really want to go meet him? You finally felt a little better, but you knew seeing him would suck that out of you, and you’d be right back where you started the day. It seemed important, though, by the look on his face - open and honest and vulnerable. 

 Against your better judgment, you started making your way to the library, running all the possibilities of what he could possibly want to talk about over in your head. By the time you got there, you’d fully and completely over thought the meeting, and felt prepared for whatever he needed to say to you. However, nothing could’ve prepared you for seeing his sweet smile, the way he seemed to light up when the two of you met eyes. Biting at the inside of your cheek, you made your way over to where he was sitting, pulling up a chair.

“Hey. How are you?” he asked, keeping his voice low. Not many people knew the two of you weren't together anymore, and neither of you wanted that drama that came with a big, public breakup.

“I’m okay. You?”

Cedric shifted, and half-frowned. “I’m alright. It’s just… weird, you know? I feel like I can’t talk to you anymore.”

You blinked, digesting his words. Reluctantly, you said, “Why? Did I do something?”

“No,” he replied, shaking his head. “I just- i don’t know. It’s like I lost my best friend, and I don’t know how to stop thinking about you.”

Your heart jumped into your throat, but your stomach went sour as you reiterated the words over in your head. “I mean, you broke up with me. I thought that’s what you wanted.”

“I never said that. I just said that I thought things were too much.”

“What is that supposed to mean, though? I’m too much? Or we were too much? Because, if I remember correctly, you ended it. Not me.”

Cedric sighed, and ran a hand over his face. “I know that. I just don’t like being apart from you. I think that I made a mistake.”

You held your breath, waiting to see if he would expand on that, but he stayed quiet. Finally, when the silence was too much for you, you met his eyes. “I don’t know. I don’t think that you would end things if that wasn’t actually what you wanted. I lost my best friend, too, you know.”

He nodded and fidgeted with the quill he was holding, trying to figure out what to say. When he realised he had been quiet for too long, he cleared his throat and asked, “What did you get pulled out of Charms for earlier? Is everything okay?”

“Um. yeah. Everything is fine, just needed to meet with someone,” you said, feeling your cheeks flush pink. Draco’s laugh flitted through your mind, and you wanted to hold onto it. It was like, if you told Cedric, it would be spoiled. 

He arched an eyebrow at you. “Okay…” he said, drawing out the word. “Was it bad? You’re acting weird.” 

Suddenly, you felt defensive. “No, it wasn’t bad. It’s my business, though.”

“You tell me everything. What’s different about this?”

“I told you everything. Past tense. We aren’t together anymore, Ced.”

That caught him off guard. You watched his face change from sadness to anger as his walls went up. “Okay, fine. I’m only asking because I care about you, you know.” “I know that,” you said, exhaling hard you brought a hand up to pinch the space in between your eyebrows, not able to look at Cedric’s face. “Things are just weird between us right now, and I don't know how to navigate this. Look, Cedric- I still care for you. I still love you. I always will. But I don’t think that anything productive is going to come out of us talking right now. Let's just… take a break for a bit. Okay?” As much as you missed him, as much as your heart was telling you to stay, talk things out, make it work, you knew that wasn’t realistic- at least not right now. He nodded a small nod, and you turned to exit the library.

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You’d been a mess since seeing Cedric, exactly like you knew you’d be. You played his face, his words over and over in your head for the rest of the day, disassembling and piecing the conversation back together. Finally, you came to the conclusion that maybe Cedric was just going through it. In Defense Against the Dark Arts, Maxine told you that Cedric had missed the past two Quidditch  practices, which was unheard of. In passing, you overheard Justin talking about how Cedric had ditched his last classes of the day, and was staying in the Hufflepuff common room staring at the fireplace. Then, to top it all off, Cedric wasn’t at dinner in the Great Hall. in the back of your mind, something was telling you to go check on him, bring him a cup of pumpkin juice, tell him you’re sorry for earlier. 

“Are you okay? You aren’t eating. You’re kind of just pushing your food around. Usually you eat yours, and then mine. What’s wrong?”

You came out of your haze, and looked at the brunette girl next to you. Belle Brightstone had been your closest friend since the two of you met in Diagon Alley, shopping for your first year at Hogwarts. Right off the bat, you thought that she was the prettiest girl you’d ever seen. When she’d come over to introduce herself, you learned that her personality matched her looks; she was sweet to her very core, and could make you laugh even when you wanted to cry. It was a miracle that she was sorted into Slytherin- the two of you both thought she was destined to be a Hufflepuff.

“I guess I don’t have much of an appetite.”

“Okay. But you’ve also been almost silent since we got in here.” she lowered her voice, and said, “do you want to leave early? We can go talk, if you need to.”

You grabbed her hand and gave it a squeeze, grateful to have someone that loved you so much. It had taken you a long time to get to a point where you trusted Belle, and knew she was being genuine when she said things like this. “No. I’m alright, just thinking about some stuff.”

“Oh, does this have to do with you getting pulled out of class? I heard from Andromeda that you left in the middle of Charms.”

“Yeah, I got a letter to meet with… some staff,” you said, uneasily. You weren’t sure what being a back-up player on the team quite meant, and didn’t know what to tell anyone. You also knew that it would lead to questions- specifically, questions about training, then about Draco, and you didn’t know how to answer those. 

When you walked into the Great Hall for dinner, your eyes immediately found him. He was sitting with Crabbe and Goyle, and a couple of the other people you always saw him hanging out with, laughing at something. You’d immediately looked at the floor, not wanting to be caught staring- only quickly glancing at him throughout dinner. It was like, now that you’d noticed him, really noticed him, you couldn't stop noticing him. 

“Oh no, is something wrong?” Belle asked, trying to pull you out of the stupor you’d worked yourself in to. You ripped your eyes from Draco Malfoy, praying that Belle hadn't tried to map your sightline- you didn’t want to explain why you kept looking at Slytherin's resident bad boy. 

“No. Just talking through some things. Hey, did you do the Dark Arts homework?” you asked Belle, trying to change the subject. She cocked an eyebrow, but let you get away with it for now. She knew good and well that you would tell her when you were ready- the two of you didn’t really keep secrets. 

“Not yet. I was planning on doing it tonight. Hey, um, don’t look to your left.”

“What? Why?” you asked, naturally starting to turn. Belle grabbed your arm, facing you back toward her. She widened her eyes at something over your shoulder looking entirely puzzled.

“I- well, I think Draco- like Draco Malfoy,” she said, stressing his name, “is talking about you.”

“Why would you think that?” you asked, feeling your face heat up. So much for not having to explain anything,

“He’s looking at you, and then he elbowed Flint and seemed to say something about you. He stopped when I looked at him, but still.”

You felt yourself deflate. It only made sense for him to be saying something about Quidditch, but still. You thought about the way he’d cheered for you after catching the snitch the first time today, and pulled Belle in to whisper in her ear.

“Listen. I had to go meet with him today for a Quidditch thing. I’m a back up on the team, but that’s all he was talking about. Please don’t say anything, okay?”

Belle pulled away, her eyes bright. Nodding, her voice soft, she asked “Why don’t you want anyone to know? Shouldn’t you be proud?”

“Of course I’m proud. It’s just complicated, okay? I’ll tell you more later.” You held out your pinky, and Belle wrapped hers around it. “Pinky swear.”

“Is that why you aren’t eating? Like, too excited to eat or something?”

“Yeah,” you said, running a hand through your hair, letting it fall back into place. “And some other stuff, but we’ll talk later.”

Butterflies were thrashing wildly in your stomach, and you had to force yourself not to look over at Draco. You were suddenly conscious of all your movements, because what if he was watching? You didn’t know how to act natural now, and had to walk yourself through basic movements: take a bite, chew, chew, swallow. Take a sip of your drink, swallow. Laugh at the joke Belle made, and talk to the girls you were sitting with. You didn’t eat much, and you knew you’d regret it later tonight, while having to dig in your trunk for contraband snacks from home.

By the time dinner was over, you felt slightly better. You still felt bad about how things had gone with Cedric earlier, but it had let up a little after talking and laughing with the girls. You’d stacked your dishes, and started to make your way out of the Great Hall when you saw Cedric walk in. He looked dazed and out of it, walking against the crowd. Before you could change your mind, you squeezed Belle’s arm. “Hey, I’ll be there in a minute. I’m going to go check on Ced. Save me a spot in the common room, okay?” 

She nodded and continued out into the hall as you wiggled and squeezed your way through the clumps of students exiting. Once you’d made it to the end of the crowd, you saw a couple of stragglers still sitting behind and said a quick thank Merlin that you wouldn’t look out of place. Cedric was sitting in his usual spot at the Hufflepuff table, and you walked up behind him, placing a hand on his shoulder. 

“Hey,” you said gently, “where were you during dinner?”

“Oh. Hey. I was taking a nap, and slept right through it, I guess.”

That explained his appearance. He looked disheveled, his hair all over the place, robes wrinkled. You sat down next to him, and Cedric started to pick at the plate he’d made, not saying anything.

“So…” you started, trying to meet his eyes, “I just felt bad about earlier. I think I was a little harsh. And I'm sorry. This whole thing has just been hard on me.”

Cedric just started, straight ahead. It was almost worse, knowing that he couldn’t look at you, “It’s okay. It’s been hard for me too. It’s not like we were dating for a week, or something. It was almost two years,” he finished, sighing hard.

“I know. Like you said, it’s probably for the best, though. You’re going to graduate this year, and I'm… I’ll be here for another year, figuring out what I’m going to do with my life. It’s just not realistic for us to try and stay together through that.”

“Right. I just feel like I lost such a big part of my life, though.”

“Just because we broke up doesn’t mean that the friendship is ruined, Ced. I still want things to be normal between us.”

He met your eyes, finally. You could tell there was pain there, but something else crowded his face- some emotion you couldn’t place. “I do too. It’s just going to take some getting used to, I guess.”

“Of course it will. It’s a big change. But I still want you in my life, you know. So that means we have to talk.”

He smiled, and took a drink of his pumpkin juice. “What do you want to talk about, then?”

You knotted your fingers together in your lap, and tried to keep the excitement in your voice contained.

“Well, I do have some news.”

“News?”

“Yeah. So, remember when I tried out for Quidditch?”

His eyes widened. Quidditch could always cheer him up- it was the one thing that he’d loved more than you. “Yes. of course.”

“I made it. On the team. Only as an alternate, but still.”

A grin split his face, and he held a hand out for a high-five. “That’s great news! I’m so proud of you!”

“Thank you!’ you said, returning his high-five with gusto. “I’m really excited. I started training today.”

“How did it go?”

“It went really well,” you said, thinking of the way it felt to chase the snitch, hold it in your grasp. “I really like it. My first practice is on Friday.”

The two of you talked for about ten more minutes. It was slightly awkward, but much less than you thought it would be. Cedric finally brushed you off when you started to talk about homework, telling you to go get it done. You gave him a side hug, then turned around to wave as you walked out of the great hall. He looked much better than he did coming in, a smile back on his lips.

But if Cedric was okay, why did you suddenly feel much worse?

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Heartbreak wasn’t something you’d done in a while. Until Cedric, you’d only ever had weeklong flings with random boys here and there; nothing serious. Not because you didn’t have the opportunities, though- you just didn’t want to take them. Relationships had never been the top priority for you, unlike many of your friends. It had never clicked as to why someone would want a whole other person to keep happy. You could barely do that for yourself- why would you take on someone else's burdens as well? 

Not to mention that being vulnerable was your own personal hellscape. You’d never understood how your friends were able to open up so easily, openly discuss their feelings and emotions. That hadn’t been something that you’d ever done- not to friends, not to boyfriends, not to teachers or administrators. You didn’t want to weigh anyone down with your baggage if you didn't have to; you didn’t want to be a burden anymore than you already were. It had taken you years of instant pushing and pulling from Belle and Rose for you to finally let them in, and they were still the only two people that had made it, However, that all changed when you’d met Cedric for the first time.

You still remember the day like it was yesterday, really. You’d been sitting in the library with an assorted group of people, all studying together for finals. That year, your 3rd at Hogwarts, had been the hardest by far, and you’d needed those tests to save your marks. As you’d taken flashcards from Belle, shuffling them once more before beginning another test, George Weasley had pulled a messy-haired brunette over to the table you’d occupied.

“Gang, this is Cedric Diggory. Ced, these are the third years you’re going to help study- you owe me one, remember?”

You’d barely paid the boy any attention, just looked at George and raised an eyebrow. He had promised to help you study- he’d already taken transfiguration and passed, and you needed any advantage you could get. However, upon catching a glimpse of Cedric’s face, you’d let out an audible gasp. Reaching for Belle’s hand under the table, you’d squeezed until she had flinched, completely engulfed by the boy that had taken a seat next to you. George collected his things and patted the top of your head, muttering some excuse as to why he was leaving, but you’d just waved him off. You were quite literally stunned into silence. 

Cedric had helped you study for 3 more hours than he needed to- long past everyone else leaving, wishing you luck as they had packed their things. He had been patient and kind, cracking jokes to keep the mood light. By the time you’d fully started to grasp the concepts that were on the final, you’d learned quite a bit about the boy. He was a year older than you, in his fourth year of school now, and he was on the Quidditch team for his house. He was a Hufflepuff, which didn’t surprise you at all, given his sunny disposition and sweet manor. He was a talker, and would ramble until you stopped him, then laugh at himself for blabbing so much. As he’d helped you pack up, Cedric had looked at you for a fraction of a second longer than he had all night, and you’d felt your heart flip in your chest.

There had never been any use in you trying to suppress your feelings for Cedric, but you’d tried anyway. You had avoided his every move, weaving and bobbing through the halls of the castle so you wouldn’t have to see him. Of the off chances that he’d managed to catch you, you’d completely brushed him off. The longer he tried, though, the softer you’d become. It was obvious that he wasn’t giving up on you, and you slowly started to lower your walls.

Over time, Cedric had managed to know you. This was quite the feat- you didn’t let people in. Cedric had managed to squeeze through your armour, though, and had learned and gotten to know every piece of you. He’d held you for hours on end when the days were extra grim and you couldn’t feel anything. He’d lifted you up even further on the days where you finally felt good. Cedric hadn’t just made peace with the darkest parts of you- he’d fallen in love with them. He loved everything that made you up, all the bumps and bruises and battered pieces even more so.

You knew that things had been slowly declining for a while. You just didn’t know what to do about it, so you did nothing at all. It wasn’t obvious, not at first. Cedric would cancel little things, here and there, promising to make it up to you later, but he never did. Then he slowly stopped asking you to make plans, or do anything with him. As he drew further and further away from you, a heavy, suffocating darkness seemed to move in. Cedric was doing everything he’d promised not to do; your biggest fear was coming true. He was leaving you, just like everyone else did. When he’d asked you to come to the Astronomy Tower on Saturday night, you’d already known what was coming. You didn’t cry as he told you that he didn’t think you two should be together anymore- you kept a perfectly still, neutral expression. When Cedric had pulled you into a hug before he left you there, you’d been like a statue in his arms. This was a perfect reminder of why you never fell for people in the first place. It always led to getting hurt.

That night, you flipped a switch- all your emotions turned off, disabled and shut down for the foreseeable future. You’d stayed in the Astronomy Tower all night, rebuilding your walls even higher, brick by painful brick. As the sun started to rise over Hogwarts, you made your way back to the dungeons as if the last two years had never occurred.

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While you walked through the castle hallways, you quickly resolved to see today for what it was- another opportunity to get hurt. Draco was pushing on the outside of the walls you’d just reconstructed, and the cement hadn’t quite set up yet. Mentally, you added layer upon layer of reinforcements. You weren’t letting the blonde boy in. You couldn't. 

[starlight-writes-stuff]

‘light me up’ chapter three : haribos

a/n : ayo 😎here’s chapter three of ‘light me up’ (3.5 k wc) ! again , another chapter that i’m super proud of , so pls dont hesitate to tell me what you think . also , i got a request (requests are always open !!) to do an nsfw alphabet for draco - these take a while to write , so there might be a slight delay before chapter four . okay , love yall , xoxoxox starlight

reblogs are always appreciated ! <3

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The common room was buzzing with noise and laughter as you pushed the heavy door open; everyone seemed to be looking forward to tomorrow's Quidditch match. The Gryffindor v. Slytherin matches were always especially intense.

You didn't know how to feel about the game. It's not like you were a part of the team, really- you were just a backup. You also knew that you were going to have to see Draco again, and you needed to shut down any and all emotion that came with that. Everything was even more complicated now that you’d seen Cedric again; you knew you should feel something. Some sort of sadness, or anger, or even relief. However, it seemed as if you’d sealed yourself off almost too perfectly; you couldn't feel a thing as you strolled over to your friends.

“How did that go?” Belle asked in a sweet, sympathetic voice. She pinched Rose’s arm as well, grabbing her attention.

You and Rose had been friends since early on in year 2, when she’d accidentally spilled her pumpkin juice on you. It had been a fast friendship from there; she was quick witted and sharp tongued and brutally honest, but a fiercely loyal friend. The three of you, Belle, Rose, and yourself had become an unbreakable trio since the, one rarely found without the others.

“It went alright. Cedric was really excited to hear that I made it on the team, though. You know, it was because of him that I even tried out.”

“I’m sure that made his day. He’s still proud of you, even if you aren't together. He’s a good guy, you know.” Rose said, blowing a piece of hair out of her eye. She’d cut her own bangs as the result of a bet a couple months ago- they looked great on her, like everything else did- but she complained about them constantly.

“Of course I know that. He still wants to try and be friends, and I think we’ll be able to. We were friends before we dated, anyway.” You forced a smile, knowing that you were lying. 

Belle sneakily took something out of her bag and her hand up to her lips, raising an eyebrow at you. Rose took something out of the plastic package, then tilted the top of the bag in your direction. Inside were a bag of gummies, but not ones that you recognised.

“What are these?” you asked her in a low voice, snaking your hand in the bag. Belle always seemed to have contraband foods. You took a couple of gummies out as she answered you, popping them in your mouth.

“I bring them from home. When I’m homesick, the taste takes me back for a bit,” she said, shrugging her shoulders.

Belle was muggle born on both sides, and loved her parents more than anything on the earth. Her mum, Linda, was a hairstylist, and her father, Alexander, was a chef for a fancy muggle restaurant. They were both completely supportive of their daughter, even if they didn’t quite understand who she was. Every year, before Belle came back to Hogwarts, her parents helped her pack up a trunk full of snacks from home. They were the ones who sent you and Rose christmas parcels, and had fought Dumbldore tooth and nail to let you stay with them over the holidays. The Brightstones were a kind family.

“They’re Haribos,” she said, watching you chew. They were good, fruity and chewy and sweet. You learned quickly that you were partial to the red ones, and found your hand making it’s way back to the satchel of bear-shaped candy. 

“Why are you feeling homesick?” you asked, remembering her earlier statement. Belle wasn’t anything like you in the way of not sharing her emotions- you’d once seen her having a deep heart-to-heart with one of the many paintings that lined the halls of Hogwarts. She was open and honest and vulnerable all the time, and wasn’t scared of her feelings; Belle always said that they made her stronger. You admired this about her, and you both knew it was one of the many reasons that you complimented each other so well.

Belle lowered her eyes to her lap, and a sad look took over her pretty face. “I don’t know. Sometimes I’ll smell a smell, and it takes me back to sitting at my dinner table, my dad bringing some dish out from the kitchen with a bright smile on his face. Or I see Rose’s braids, and it reminds me of my mum doing my hair the day we leave, before the train arrives. I just miss them a lot.”

You pulled her into your arms, running a hand down the length of her strawberry hair. “I’m sorry you’re missing home. I know it’s hard when you don’t have anything here to remind you of them, either. Have you been writing letters?”

“Yes. Mum tries to write at least once a week, but it’s not the same. It feels like Christmas is so far away,” she said, slumping into your shoulder.

“It’s not too far. It’s what, October? Only a month and a half. Plus, you have me, and Y/N. And Ron,” Rose said, poking her side. Belle’s cheeks pinked, and her frown twisted into a grin.

Ron and Belle had only been talking for a couple of weeks, but they were completely infatuated with each other. He walked her from class to class, and she snuck him her muggle sweets in the halls. They made each other happy, and you could tell she was feeling a little better just at the mention of his name. She had the sparkle in her eye that came with talking about him.

“He was really sweet, you know. He said he could tell that something was wrong, and he didn’t want me to be sad. He held my hand for the first time today.”

“Did he? That’s adorable.” You said, voice coming out only slightly monotone. You wanted to be happy for Belle- you wanted to let her talk all night and hope some of her joy rub off to you. 

She nodded, and flushed even darker, blood pooling in her cheeks. “All day, in between every class, and after dinner. I can’t wait to see him play tomorrow,” she mused, her tone dreamy. 

“I’m sure. I like the two of you together. He treats you almost as good as I do.”

You continued to talk with your group of friends until the fire was starting to dwindle, and everyone was yawning. From across the common room, you could hear Draco and his friends laughing about something, your heart picking up at the sound of his voice. This threw you; you’d felt nothing for the past few hours. You’d locked everything down. So what the hell was that? You berated yourself, smashing that little shard of hope into a million shiny pieces. You weren’t letting this happen. As Rose and Belle started to pack their things, you considered talking to them- telling them that you were doing it again. You zoned out completely, remembering what had happened last time.

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The last time this had happened was around six months into you and Cedric dating. The two of you had gotten into a brutal argument and hadn’t talked in days. Usually, things like that wouldn't have affected you- you’d just flip the switch and turn off your feelings. You couldn't do that this time, though. It was your fault that the two of you were fighting in the first place, and you knew it.

When Cedric had asked you about your plans for the holidays, you’d shut down almost immediately. For some reason, you couldn't bring yourself to tell him that you’d be staying here, far away from your family. He’d called you on your shit, though, telling you that you were blocking him out. You knew that you were, and you knew that it hurt him when you did. However, your family was the one thing that you refused to talk to anyone about. You kept it under lock and key, inside a safe, inside a storage unit in your brain; one that you’d long forgotten the keycode to. Family was an off limits topic.

The two of you had just let the fight escalate until you were standing in the courtyard furiously whispering back and forth while snow fell gently on your heads. You accused Cedric of pushing you too far, and he retorted with the fact that you were putting your walls up. You thought multiple times about stopping; apologizing for the snipes you’d been taking at him and explaining why you didn’t want to talk about it. But that meant being vulnerable, and you weren’t going to do that.

Of course, the minute that Cedric had left for home, you wished that you had. He was leaving for two weeks with the two of you on bad terms- you hadn’t spoken to each other in days besides the terse ‘goodbye’ you'd exchanged just before the Hogwarts Express had pulled away. You knew that you had two options: you could feel awful for the entirety of winter break, even worse than you usually did around Christmas, or you could just… choose not to feel it. Choose to not feel anything at all, really. The choice hadn’t been hard.

It hadn’t lasted long, though. Rose had noticed the way you were acting on day one; how your laugh seemed to be hollow, lost somewhere in the back of your throat. It wasn’t the first time she’d seen you like this, and it wouldn’t be the last. Both of your friends suspected that your knack for dissociating from your emotions had to do with why you wouldn’t talk about your home situation. They were right, of course, buy you’d never tell them that. That would involve an explanation; you knew the minute you started to tell them what exactly was wrong with you, all your coping systems, the walls you had so carefully built to lock your feelings away would crumble and you would break completely.

Rose had let you be until day 3 of break, when she’d shaken you awake just as the sun had started to come up. You’d reached out, blindly smacking whatever you could make contact with, but Rose was hellbent on waking you up. Once she’d wrestled you out of your pajamas and into the massive jumper that Belle’s parents had sent for Christmas you had grabbed one of her shoulders, stilling the short haired girl’s rapid movements. 

“Rose, what are we doing?”

She shook her head and opened her trunk, pulling out a smaller purse that she’d brought from home. She opened the leather bag, checking for something, and did a happy wiggle as she found whatever it was. “Don't worry about it. Put some shoes on.”

An hour later, the two of you were tucked in Madam Puddifoot's Tea Shop, warming your hands around ceramic mugs. Rose had gone to the Weasley twins last night, and somehow managed to bargain her way into having Fred sneak the two of you into Hogsmeade. Rose had already ordered lunch for the two of you when she had nudged you with her knee, catching your attention.

“What's going on, Y/NN?”

You knew that Rose bringing you here wasn’t a coincidence, or some sort of Christmas cheer. You’d just hoped that she wouldn’t bring up the elephant in the room. Rose didn’t do that, though. She was a blunt, point blank kind of girl, and she always had been. Even though it came from a place of love, Rose could be sharper than she meant to be. However, when she asked you what was wrong, her voice was soft and sympathetic.

“I really don't want to talk about this,” you explained, your voice tightly measured. “Okay? Lets just have a good time.”

Rose seemed to consider this for a minute, then slowly shook her head. “No. You’re letting go again, and I need you here- Belle and I both need you here.”

The statement tore through you- the raw pain in her voice was palpable and seemed to become a presence of its own in the small upholstered booth. You took a deep breath, trying to remain unscathed, but all was lost when a single tear dropped from the corner of Rose’s eye. She took a beat to wipe the small drop away and compose her thoughts before she spoke again.

“I understand hard things, Y/NN. I know that sometimes running away is the easiest option- trust me. But you can’t keep doing this. Not to yourself, not to me and Belle, not to Cedric. We love you more than anything; you need to learn to accept that love. You can’t keep pushing us away.”

You and Rose had sat in that small booth in the back for hours as you’d explained to her what had happened with Cedric, how you didn’t know if you could fix it. She’d listened as you put into words how scared you were of your own emotions- how they made you weak, and afraid, and exposed to the world. Rose had held you as you’d cried for the first time in years, purging all the fear and pain and hesitation from your system; she’d inadvertently forced you to start feeling.

When Cedric returned around a week later, you'd practically pounced on him as he exited the train. You’d wrapped him up in your arms, murmuring in his ear how sorry you were. He was taken aback but overjoyed by this- it was the best welcome home you could’ve given. The two of you had spent the night together for the first time that night, and he’d kissed you until your lips were sore. You’d allowed yourself to feel every bit of it. 

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You zoned back in as Rose pinched your arm, hard. Both her and Belle wore confused, concerned expressions on their faces.

“What? Sorry. I was… spaced out. What’s up?”

The two girls looked at each other, then back at you. You knew that you’d chosen the worst time to lose yourself in your thoughts- they were both already worried. Finally, Belle gave you a small frown. “We’re going up to bed. Are you coming?”

The look on her face told you exactly what would happen if you followed the two girls upstairs- you’d be questioned, and you didn’t have the energy or mental capacity to lie. If you stayed down in the Common Room until they fell asleep, you wouldn't have to. In a split second decision, you shook your head. 

“I’m not tired yet. And I need to do my Dark Arts homework, anyway.” You tried your best to give them a convincing smile, but it didn't work. Both girls were obviously disappointed as they grabbed their things and took the stairs up and away from you. As you opened the thick textbook, you tried to tell yourself that you weren’t responsible for your friends emotions, that you were just doing what you needed to do for school. You were lying to yourself, but at least it was comforting.

You were halfway through your Dark Arts assignment when you heard footsteps coming up behind you. You figured it was Belle; she’d left one of her books lying on the table when she went to bed, and was likely coming to collect it. However, when you turned around, it was not Belle, or Rose, or anyone you would expect to come up and talk to you.

 You were met with a swish of platinum blonde hair and a pretty, pale skinned boy. You felt your cheeks heat up, and prayed it was too dark for Draco to notice as he hopped over the back of the couch you were sitting on, landing next to you.

“Hi.” he said, looking slightly embarrassed. “I was going to come talk to you earlier, but you were with your friends. I didn’t want to interrupt anything.”

“Oh. Hey,” you said, digging your nails into your palms. Draco was making it awfully hard for you to keep yourself in check. “What’s up?”

“Well, I just wanted to talk to you about tomorrow. Since it’s your first game on the team, and all.” 

You were simultaneously relieved and disappointed as the words left his mouth, and you carved your nails into your hand even harder. Of course he came to talk to you about Quidditch- what else would the two of you have to talk about? You would extinguish this flame you’d somehow developed for him, even if it meant you had to let people down in the process.

“Yeah, I was wondering how that goes. I know that I won’t play or anything, but-” 

Draco cut you off with a small laugh, and ran a hand through his hair, making it flop over his forehead. “It’s okay. That’s why I came over here- you don’t have to be nervous,” he explained, trying to ease you a bit. “It works a little differently for our back up players. You guys are welcome to sit in the stands, but you can also sit along the field, in case you’re needed quickly. Plus, you don’t have a uniform yet, so you can just wear whatever.”

You nodded at him, and took a handful of gummy candy. Belle had given you the remnants of the bag before you’d made her mad- she had plenty stashed away somewhere in the dormitories. You brought a hand up to your mouth and started to chew on the gummies, listening to Draco’s speech. It helped a bit; you could focus on the taste of the sweets, chewing and swallowing. You didn’t have to focus on him.

“Hey, what are those?” he asked, turning his head to the side to read the bag. 

You chewed quickly, and picked the bag up. “Belle gave them to me. They’re a muggle candy. Haribos.” As much as you wanted to keep to yourself, you also didn’t want to be rude to the boy. There was a fine balance between not allowing any feelings to permeate and being plain mean. You tilted the opening of the bag toward him hesitantly.

Draco looked slightly unnerved, but picked a couple out of the bag and threw them into his mouth. “Oh, wow,” he said, mouth full of candy, “those are good.”

The two of you talked about your new role for a little while longer, before Draco grinned at you, tipping more candy into his hand. “Are you excited for tomorrow?”

You didn’t know, but that didn’t seem like the right answer. “Yeah, of course.”

“It's going to be a good one,” Draco said, an evil smile painting his mouth. You tilted your head, and Draco started to explain.

“It’s no secret that Potter and I don't exactly get along” he mused, and his hatred for the boy was apparent just by the tone of Draco’s voice. “Anyway. Him and his mate Ron thought that it would be cute to play a little joke on me. It’s no big deal, though. I plan on driving him into the ground, as I always do.”

You swallowed hard, the look on his face sending shivers down your spine. All of a sudden, he looked like the dark, snarky asshole everyone painted him to be. This other side of him was oddly attractive.

“I’m sure that’ll be a sight,” you said, your voice coming out a little higher than usual.

“It usually is,” he said, a sly smirk on his lips. “You’ll be watching me, right?”

You felt yourself flush bright pink at the arch of his eyebrow, and when it became clear that Draco was waiting on an answer you nodded quickly. This seemed to please him, and you bit at the inside of your cheek. Clearly, trying to kill the flame that Draco had lit low in your belly wasn’t working in the slightest. You took a brief moment to wonder what would happen if you let it consume you, if you allowed yourself to go up in white-hot flames with him. But then you remembered the way you felt sitting in the Astronomy Tower, and you severed the thought in two. You’d rather go explain what was going on with you to Rose and Belle than to stay here, to let any sort of relationship start to bud.

Quickly, you flipped the conversation on its head- you weren’t doing this. You needed control, and you needed it now. “Shouldn’t you be going to bed, Draco? You need sleep if you want to beat Potter.”

Without giving him a chance to respond, you grabbed your bag from the floor and shouldered it, giving Draco one last look. The boy looked lost, but incredibly intrigued. Like he was trying to figure you out. Little did he know that no one had ever solved your puzzles, and no one ever would. 

“I’ll see you later, Malfoy.”