#doyou see what i mean now

[selfspinninglies]

A few of the

[kumoriyami-xiuzhen]

Hakuoki Drama CD - Hijikata Biyori Track 30 Eng translation

I know I'm late (again...), but yeah, Warframe. Hehehe. I'm a gamer, alright? Anyway, I'm going to work on the translations for the next two weeks now though I'm not entirely sure if I'll be answering messages during the time I'm away (July 10-17).

Oh well!

Hakuoki Hijikata Biyori Track 30: Gathering/Meeting

Translation by KumoriYami

Harada: Hey, hey, no one's coming. There can't be a meeting like this.

Sannan: Indeed. It's not going to be a meeting with the three of us.

Hijikata: Recently, those Satsuma and Choshu guys have been doing some strange things. Many of the guys are patrolling the border or escorting important people. It's really difficult to get everyone together now.

Harada: Yeah, that's true. Lately, no one even shows up to eat/for our meals/for dinner.

Hijikata: Actually, it's fine if it's just when eating/our meals/dinner where we don't get together, but these occasional meetings… Harada: Hey hey, Hijikata-san. What doyou mean to say by just eating? It's a big deal for comrades/friends living under the same roof to get together to eat.

Hijikata: It can't be helped if we're busy with work.

Harada: Eating isn't the same thing as working. Right, Sannan-san. Ah, but in any case, Sannan-san and Hijikata-san are of/share the same opinion.

Sannan: It can't be helped when it's busy. It's a reasonable opinion.

Harada: As expected…you two are really heartless. If Kondou-san were here, he would definitely agree with me.

Sannan: Well, we'll see. Kondou-san isn't here today. It ppears that he will not be/come back for dinner either.

Harada: Ah, what, seriously.

Hijikata; It's not like something won't happen if we don't eat together. We've eaten out from the same pot so many times. I think everyone understands each other's feelings/minds.

Harada: Well, that's true, but… What I'm trying to say is…

Sannan: ut… you're right. If things stay like this, we might all never get together for a meal again.

Hijikta/Harada: Ha?

Sannan: When was the last time we all got together to eat? That time might be the last time.

Harada: Hey, Sannan-san... saying that/that's a bit…

Sannan: Ah, it's fine. I was just mentioning a possibility. Is it find to cancel today's meeting? If that's possible, I hvae something to do, so I'll excuse myself first.

Harada: When he puts it like that...

Hijikata: Yeah. Yeah. But there's nothing we can do about it now. Harada: No, that's why...

Hijikata: Harada, I'm not saying that I like that this can't be helped.

Harada: I get it. (sighs)

(dinner time)

Harada: C'mon, let's eat/it's time to eat! Although I'm sorry to the people who working, I'm going to et well… That being said, it's not really fun to eat in such a quiet place. Oh? What's that? It's really noisy outside.

(opens sliding door)

Oh, what's wrong? Heisuke. Didn't you say that you couldn't come back today? Huh? Relieved from escorting? Then are the other guys coming back to?.... Really/ I see. Hey, what's going on. I was just thinking about eating your side dishes.

Hijikata: Souji, what happened? How could I believe that stupid excuse wsa used to dismiss the escord… The Shogunate's people will now be taking care of the escort? Heh, how did that happen… Ah, so that's how it is…

Harada: Hehe, let's eat then. Ah, Shinpcahi. That's not your food. You don't have to panic, the food won't run out/away. Come on, learn from Saito. Hijikta: Sannan-san, it's not like you to do something like this, is it?

Sannan: What are you talking about? I was just doing my job.

Hijikata: Fu, is that so. In front of you, I can no longer say that it can't be helped.

---end---

if there's an "a" missing somewhere, that's on account of me not catching that error since my keyboard decided to not work properly..

[phoenixfire-thewizardgoddess]

Trying to work out if it would be funnier for Alastor to do a weird bodyswap with Angel Dust or Vox

On the one hand, vox waking up in an old timey body and accidentally blasting everyone with a dozen stations and on the ither side of town alastor wakes up next to valentino and accidentally blacks out the town, while trying to strangle the moth that touched him...

The CHAOS... can you IMAGINE

"VOX!!!" the door blows off its hinges as all the phones in the room explode.

"Uh, is he... is he announcing himself, or.like what?" Angel whispers to Husk, as charlie freezes mid stride and vaggie whips out a concealed weapon from the nearby coatrack.

The mist horrifically distorted static garbles a statement as a very dishevelled and distressed looking Alastor falls out if a neeby shadow.

"How in the everloving FUCK do you control these fucking shadows you old timey prick?!" The overlord snarls at a vix whose screen is flickering between his face and an array of u pleasantly gorey murder scenes.

"H000w doyou get this damn internet to st##00pp making such a RaCk3t all the time? I have seen far too many portraits of nude sinners whizzing past this last hour alone to last a lifeTiiim3." Glitches the other, furious and maing e lights flicker.

"Well if you ever listened when i told you about it, you anachronistic fucker, you'd know what a spam filter was. And, wait is that... did you fucking kill Valentino?"

"He tr13333d to put his tongue in my mouth fiiiiir5t thing in the mo000rni11ng, how uncouth."

"Yeah, cause he thought it was mine you dick, how could you?! Ugh he's going to be such a fucking pain when he regenerates."

'Vox' is narrowing his eyes at the half coporeal half shadow flicker of Alastor, the dials chittering on and off unevenly. "What. Did. You. Do. To. Me?!" He growls.

"Oh fucking sue me. As if the first thing you did wasnt to check out the competition... and how many decades were you waiting to tell me you had a tail, You smug bastard?! Its fucking adorable!"

"You WHAT?!"

And then lucifer and half th hotel has to drag the pair of badly transformed overlords apart as they try to kill each other. Freaky friday in hell.

Also it could be interesting to see if angel would transfer to another overlord on vals death.

----

On the other hand, the innuendos. And the banter... of those two would be killer.

"I knew you wanted in my pants, smiles but this is a bit too kinky even for me..."

"speaking of pants, would you mind ceasing your explorations in mine?"

"And miss a golden opportunity to see if that cane was compensatin for somethin'? Heh, you gotta be kiddin' m- YOU GOTTA TAIL?????"

-

"Why am i feeling like i want to eat you but not in a cannibalistic way?"

"Its called being horny, smiles, and i think it might just kill you if you dont calm down."

"Is there anything that will make it stop so i can think?"

"..."

"Im taking your extended silence as deep pondering of the situation. In which you wont offer me a solution for which i will need to kill myself... ergo, you."

"Huh? Oh i uh, got caught up in the thought about how hot itd be to watch that and i kinda blacked out fer a minute. Wait, does thinking about watching my body get off make me a narcissist?"

"Technically no, but i think we need to invent a new kind of sin for whatever you were just thinking right now."

-

"Ugh, why am i so hungry? I saw you have some pancakes an hour ago..."

"You know i am a cannibal, my envenomed associate, which means that it is not a matter of what i eat... but who. And soon, unless you want to experience bloodlust and perhaps eat someone here, hmm?"

"Wait, ya sayin i just gotta eat some ass and it'll be fine?"

"...i would suggest a meatier part of the sinner, but i supposed the gluteals can be sauteed to something acceptable if that is your preference..."

-

Angel automatically making flirty statements in alastors body and absentmindedly flirting with husk. The catwould need the stiffest of drinks.

Would the radio filter work or would it flicker in and out? Could he accidentally turn on a naughty radio station and not know how to turn it off?

Could it be stuck on his emotional bandwidth and play songs matching his emotions? Even if hes pretending to be fun and flirty when crumbling inside?

Accidentslly changing into iverlord form and needing to be talked down from the sudden rush, the pain and rage and fear of having Such Power.

Not realising how to use the shadows and falling through some accidentally.

Being caught by vox because he doesnt know how to use the scramble filter properly. Being targeted as an overlord for his power due to perceived weakness.

Oooh, what if he was still i jured post fight with adam and the angelic.light caused the switch somehow, which is immediately discovered by Angel.

-

Alastor trying to manage the extra height and limbs. Trying to be menacing and succeeding in some ways but not how he intended.

The pig co stantly following him around.

Learning to see through 8 eyes would also be a challenge, and the terrifying sneer smile he wears would come off a little odd onagels lovely face.

Accidentally being unable to let things go until angel tells him how to relax 3nough to, spiderman style.

Would he need to consume substances like angel does, given the dependence?

Discovering angel has venom could be fun. Accidental fun that could go very wrong

Would they try to put their regular attire on or go with the others clothes? Because opening closets in either room could be horrifying.

"Whyve you got a fuckin head in ya dressor?"

"My deer fellow, given the alarming size and shape and indeed angry vibrating some of the items i your own boudouir made as i searched for actual pants, i would hasten to request you cease judging my own rooms. Besides, the majority is in the fridge, so simply avoid looking i there too long and it will all work out in the wash."

"Fine but uh... didja see anythin you liked in my room? Im always happy ta share, smiles..."

"Angel i already died once and several of those items seemed designed to shatter your bones from the inside. So i must decline your courteous offer. You may of course snack on anysinner meat i the fridge as you see fit. But leave the portion of angel wing... rosie and i intend to cook it properly whe this is resolved."he gestures to all of him.

"Pfft, sure okay. But i got a few beginner items that you might like to tr-"

"Not now, thank you."

"S'not a no..." he mumbles, witha lavicious wink that is wildly out of place on alastors face.

He laughs as all 8 of his own eyes roll in exasperation.

-

Also, to upset angel enough to transform properly into overlord form, alastor looks him dead in the eyes and snaps spaghetti in half. The hotel varely survives the ensuing explosion.

Angel hearing the background radiation of the universe (static) qould be weird and maybe soothing. Also i have wondered if alastor and vox can sense one another given they both work on the same wavelengths, that could make a fun and weird diversion.

-

It also raises questions on... the contract.

Would alsstors body or consciousness retain his souls and their links?

What about angel? Does his contract remain locked to his body, or would valentino drag the chain to find alastors body on the end to his sadistic delight?

Oooh, what about the secret chains? The one we think is from lillith or eve... do you think angel would notice? Hes worn a chain for a while.

Actually isnt there a poledancing clause in his contract?

This could be a disaster until its fixed.

I have. Many thoughts. And just one little phone to share them on.

[ggadtomarry]

Tomarry hive mind fic part 12

LV sees the moment the words, their meaning, sink into the boy's head.

Oh, yes, the stages of grief. First incredulity, then shock, then rage, then desperation.

Harry's green eyes slowly rise and meet his (nobody has ever taught this boy never to look into a powerful legilimens' eyes?).

"Did you mark me?"

"Fate marked you with my mark, Harry. Do you know what it means, don't you?"

Harry seems without voice, almost without the strength to stand up, and, well, LV can be merciful.

"You are my soulmate. Magic branded you as mine, and I have decided to accept this unexpected gift. Be grateful, because I could easily kill you, but... Yes, you will be more useful alive."

Harry shakes his head slowly, terror in his eyes, his hands are trembling, his wand is shaking. And then...

[kfanopinions]

Hi,A embassed Aries wants to ask you i am a venus+moon in taurus and this suppost to be seen as pretty but maybe becouse its in the 8 house i feel super ugly and i have inverted nipples n i wanna ask doyou think my crush that has venus in aqua and moon in cancer do you think he will find me disqusting and weird? Since his cancer is conected to the brests and aqua is about air sign there is not info on what venus in aqua is turned on by, i wanted to ask what do you think an aqua sun+venus and cancer moon will think of my brests .So yeah sorry for the terrible question. Have a blessed day

okay so first and foremost i had to google what inverted nipples were since i’ve never heard of it but i personally don’t think it’s ugly. different, yes. ugly, no. so get that thought out of your brain, okay? breasts and nipples vary in sizes, shapes, and colors and vary from woman to woman so if ANYONE has a problem with your body being it’s natural self that is their problem.

i get it it can feel embarrassing because for your crush it may be the first time he’ll see this but do your research, talk to your doctor, and get all the information so you can inform him or anyone else about what’s going on. if they still have a problem f*ck’em you don’t need that person in your life.

take me for example ^^ i have scars on my arms that make me super self conscious but you know what? they aren’t going anywhere — unfortunately 😅. people are going to look, stare, whisper, judge, feel pitty, or even disgust — that’s a them problem, i can’t control how they feel. but my friends have NEVER treated me differently because of the scars and that includes the guys. just look/find the right person/people, okay? 🫂

now as for the astrology part, it seems like you’re trying to find a reason for the feeling of being unattractive (in your eyes) and are putting it on the 8th house placement. this placement doesn’t mean you’d be ugly. for your crush, i hope you don’t intend to flash him (revealing your breasts) right away because that would be a problem 🤣 yes cancer’s like boobs (my cancer bestie can talk about his love for ‘mommy milkers’ all day — the longest was 4 hours and we legit compared and contrasted. very intriguing conversation 😅) but like i said breasts are all different.

aquarius venus the main thing is exhibitionism so just f*cking outside or risky flirting.

if you want a little piece of advice, you’re putting a lot of emphasis on this person liking you for only your breasts. maybe he isn’t even a boob guy 🤷🏽‍♀️ i dated a guy who LOVED small breasts and mine aren’t exactly small 🤣 i was shocked to hear him talk about it but you know what he said? “i don’t like you for the size of your boobs, i like you for you.” so keep this in mind going forward.

i wish you the best of luck!!! and i meant it when i said inverted nipples didn’t look ugly to me 🫂🩷🩵 ohhhh but one final piece of advice, aquarius venus likes freedom so keep this in mind 😘

[fierceautie]

Predator: Moses Cassian or Mike Geodfery

This person, I don't even think this is what his real name is, has been targeting commentators on autistic-led pages. The URL to both profiles are : https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100008751394797 https://www.facebook.com/geodfrey.wasonga This person messaged a friend of mine under this account: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100008751394797 He proceeded to talk to this friend when they commented on the page Autistic Grandma: Transcript of conversation: Friend: I'm ok, how are youPredator: I'm well thank youPredator: You have a beautiful smile imust confess. Where are youfrom?Friend: United StatesFriend: Where are you from? friend: I don't usually accept friendrequests until | have gottento know someone. Tell meabout vou.Predator: Sure, okay. I'm MosesCassian. I was born andraised in Idaho but workingas a supervisor Italy now. Ihave been here almost twoyears nowYeahave a verybeautiful nameFriend: Cool, what do you doin Italy?Predator: I was given two yearscontract here. I'm anengineer Friend: I see you have a daughter,are you married?Predator: Was married but i had adivorce with herFriend: I'm sorryFriend: What led you to my profileand sending me a request?Friend: I live in FloridaPredator: I was looking for an old friendof mine, her name is alsoMelissaFlorida is a beautiful place Predator: Hope we can be friends ifyou don't mind?Friend: Only after we get to knoweach otherPredator: Tell me more about youPredator:I love the beach, it's one ofmy favorite place and red ismy favorite. I love singing buti can't sing @, dancing alsobut i can't dance that muchonly my daughter can. She'sa good dancer, i admire herdancing talent so muchI'm 55 Predator: Yeah, i'm aware of thatthanks. You're more like anintrovert?Friend: YeahPredatorI saw it all in your looks andyou look more pretty as anintrovert. Have you ever beenin a relationship since yourhusband died?Friend: A few but never the right oneto settlePredator: Same here but also not theright one Predator: You have never had onlinerelationship?Friend: Yes I have had thoseI like to know upfront what aperson wantsNo since wasting time if ourwants aren't the samePredator: Oh, i had one too but shewasn't sure of what she'sinto. We talked about twomonths but still she still don'tknow what she want so ihave to cut it off. What wasyour experience with theone's you dated online?Friend: The same Predator: Same experience.Friend: What are you wanting from arelationship?Predator: Good communication withmy partner, honesty,love,care, and togethernessFriend: Are you looking to have arelationship with me?Predator: No,i just want us tobe friendsWhy did you ask?Friend: Because I want to know whyyou are messaging and whatit is you are looking for Predator: I just want us to befriends okay?Good friends if youdon't mindFriend: I don't like dishonesty and Idon't trust if someone isn'thonest Predator: Frésh replied to youI don't like dishonestyand I don't trust ifsomeone isn't honestSame here Predator: So tell me what do you reallywant from your partner ?What kind of man doyou want ?What are your expectationsfrom your partnerSorry for too much questionsFriend: I don't know you and youhave made complementsabout my appearance. Youwant to get to know me butnot for relationship potentialthat seems dishonestWhy do you want to knowwhat I want from a man ifyou aren't looking to fulfillthat? Predator: Look Melissa, i'm not thesame with other men, i mythcompliment on your beautybecause you're beautiful andit's obvious. So i complimentdoesn't mean i wantrelationship okay? Predator: Frésh replied to vouWhy do you want to knowwhat I want from a man ifyou aren't looking to fulfBecause it's getting to knoweach other. I want to knowyouFriend: Ok well don't ask creepyquestions about what I wantthen Friend: A male friend doesn't ask afemale they just met whatshe desires in a manWhy would you want toknow what I seek out inpotential partners? Predator: Frésh replied to youA male friend doesn't aska female they just metwhat she desires in a manI get your point of view okaybut trust me i had nothing inmind like having arelationship with you Friend: What does that have to dowith being someone's friendWhat do you gain byknowing what I like in a manHow would it make yourdaughter feel to have a manmessaging her intrusivequestions about her desires?Predator: Sorry for asking, i wanted toknow you, all about you.I want to know just to begood friend with you okay?Melissa, calm down okay?sorry for askingFriend: A good friend doesn't do this Predator: Fine, i learned my lesson. Ijust want to know you andshare ideas with youbecause you look very smartFriend: Smart is not a lookSmart is recognizing whensomeone is being a predator,doing creepy shit, and callingthem out for it.Predator: Okay Melissa can i ask yousomething? Predator: Do you see a man tor thefirst time and with fewconversation and next youask him if he wants to have arelationship with you ? Youalso asked me what are mywants in a relationshipFriend: You asked firstSo tell me what dosethat means?You asked if I was marriedcomplimented myappearance over and over,asked me about my desireswith men?What does that have to dowith friendship? Friend: What you are doingis groomingIts predatory behavior and itis wrongPredator: You asked first if i wasmarried remember ?Melissa, for example i cansee you on the road andcompliment your beautybecause you're beautiful butthat doesn't mean i want arelationship with you okay?this is me.Friend: You going to answermy questions?What purpose do yourquestions serve? Predator: What question in particular?Friend: Asking my desires in a man?Do you ask your malefriends that? Predator: Frésh replied to youAsking my desires ina man?Knowing you and not goingthe wrong way. Predator: Well no but in terms of twoother gender i think it's notbad to ask?Friend: So you wanted to knowabout me and what I like inmen from my partners soyou wouldn't go the wrongway?Do you ask your male friendsthat? Why would you need toknow about their romanticrelationships to be theirfriend. What wrong waywould you go with them? Predator: No, i think we both arelooking at it in a differentway.At same time you look alittle upsetEven if i want a relationshinwith vou i can't just sav itokay? I myth be lying if i sayi want a relationship withyou, what if am still thewrong person?Right now i don't want anyrelationship i just want us tobe friends and sorry forasking those questions Friend: So you just randomly handpicked me on myappearance, thought youwould come in my DM get toknow ME by what I like inromantic relationships.Groom me for details of whatnot to do to keep me talkingto you, while claiming youwant to be a good friend to astranger on the internetWhile hoping I would fall forit so you could do whatever itis your after. But your FreshBoy plan is old news to me.You should be sorry and youshould stop doing this. After this message, he asked about their child. He found an old photo they thought they hid from public view. After they blocked this account, they used a different account to try to intimidate them by reacting to as many posts as possible. they messaged from that different account: Predator: HI Today he changed all his photos on that account to match the first one. This person is dangerous and block both accounts. We believe that he was using Autistic Grandma. The owner of that page blocked both accounts and is horrified. Read the full article

[fair-fae]

idk what you did to piss off MCU stans but I support you

lol there was a weird post that found its way to my dash with some echochamber of Loki stans crying about how he has been ruined by lack of continuity/inconsistent characterization as if that effects only their fav and not everyone else in the MCU, and also by the newer movies being just "big, loud, flashy action spectacles" with some insinuation that this is all Taika Waititi's fault because "all his films are like that" as if that doesn't again summarize all of the MCU as a whole and HELLO HAVE YOU EVER SEEN ANYTHING ELSE TAIKA WAITITI HAS MADE wtf yeah Jojo Rabbit and WWDITS sure were big action blow outs huh do these people only consume Marvel movies??? Oh and his films "pander to the lowest common denominator" which I think was just a veiled complaint about "wokeness." Anyway it reeked of racism and maybe a side of sexism and also had some weird crying about how Loki is a little woobie poor sad bullied man and Thor is the real bad guy but Chris Hemsworth got upset that the fans saw how awful and mean his character was and was jealous that fans liked Loki more, so he convinced Marvel/Disney (a company famous for listening to its actors ofc) to write Loki as the bad guy and make Thor the hero of the story--y'know, def not as originally intended. Also for some reason there was someone legit throwing around Harry Potter houses like they were academic terms--you see, the problem is that Thor is a Gryffindor, but then they changed him into a Slytherin... But anyway I didn't bother to point out any of that and just said something like "why is this shit on my dash" and now very funny and oh so smart people are blowing up my notifications with "DOyoU NkOW hOEw TUMlbor WOkrs KARne cuLTIBate UR DASh" because rhetorical questions are hard and I am harassing them by replying to their direct @'s at me with "please touch grass."

[honeyyu]

Practice | Doyoung

!oneshot

Word count: 2k

Pairing: Reader x Idol!Doyoung

Genre: Smut

Warnings: unprotected sex, public sex, cursing, nudes (I think thats it?)

Summary: When Doyoung leaves for practice and you see a sexual movie scene on tv you feel horny. You decide to make Doyoung horny too and it ends up exactly like you wanted.

———————————

“Baby I’m off to practice!” Doyoung yelled from the front door, ready to leave. Before he could you parcoured from your bedroom to Doyoung. “Not even an goodbye kiss?” You whined while pouting.

His hands came in touch with your cheeks and pushed you forward with them. You closed your eyes, waiting for his lips. They soon came in touch with yours but it only took a second before he pulled away again. And with that he left to go practice with the rest.

You felt slighty dissapointed that he didn’t kiss you longer like he always does but you didn’t like to assume things. Maybe he was in a hurry or tired from all that practicing. Although he always said to you not to worry about that because he’s used to it and its his ‘job’.

With a sad feeling you sat down on the couch and turned on the tv. Not bothering to switch channels you watched what was already on. It was a movie. There was a man and a woman sleeping in the same bed, tangled into each other. It made you think of Doyoung. He always liked to sleep with you instead of in the dorms. Late in the night, after practice, he would sneak into the bedroom where you were asleep and slip next to you. Carresing your hair and body.

Deep in thoughts you heard moans. You looked up and saw the woman and man who were laying down just couple seconds ago, now making out messily. His hands roumed around the womans body while she removed his clothes. Suddenly she got pushed on her stomach and he slapped her ass. Your eyes widened by the sudden movements. Doyoung rarely did that with you

You kept looking at the screen infront of you. You didn’t know why. Most of the times when sex scenes were on you would switch channels or turn it off. But now you felt aroused by it. Maybe it was because you felt sad about the kiss or you just felt horny.

The scene went on as you got rid of your clothes. The man now pushed his thing inside of the woman. Her back arched and on cue he put her nipple into his mouth, licking and biting it.

“What kind of movie is this.” You muttured under your breath but not that you were complaining about it tho. Without realizing it your fingers touched the same spot the man on tv did. You pusded your bra out of the way and squished your breast.

Before you could move on to your womanhood you stopped yourself. It didn’t feel right to touch yourself because of a movie while Doyoung was practicing hard. You turned off the tv and wanted to get dressed again but a thought crossed your mind. “He would like that.” You yelled enthusiastically while getting up to grab your phone in your room.

You didn’t know if he was on break right now or in mid-practice but if he had some time to grab his phone he would love this. Searching for his contact on kakaotalk*. It was of course not to difficult to find because the last person you talked to was him on this app so you immediately clicked on his name to open the chat. You caught a glance of the chat you two had before. It was yesterday when he wanted to come over in the morning after he was done practicing. You told him he could come anytime and you gave his your door password, again.

You two were dating long enough that youve told him your password atleast twenty times but he would always forget after a couple months and sometimes even days. You thought about giving him a tattoo with the code on it but that wasn’t a really good idea.

You slightly slapped yourself to focus again. Your plan was to call him first to know if he was on his phone or not. The phone rang a couple times but no anwer, meaning he was probably in the middle of practice. You switched from kakaotalk to camera. Still in your lingerie you took a couple pictures standing, sitting and laying. Then feeling more excited you removed your lingerie and took a couple more pictures like that in the mirror, placed infront of your bed.

Now for the more sexy pictures to please him you moved onto the bed. You placed a pillow behind your back to lay down comfortable and another pillow infront of your pussy, where you could perfectly place the phone too.

Your pussy on display you took the last pictures. You weren’t planning on sending them all because you took a lot but only the most sensual, to make him horny. After the photoshoot you switched to kakaotalk again.

Picking the best ones that show the most you send them. It was risky because the other members could see it but all you could think about was Doyoung seeing the pictures. His dick hardening, ready to fuck you when he gets home telling you how bad you are and you needing a punishment. Maybe he will even spank me just like the man on tv did.

All you had to do now was wait for his response. To pass the time you put on some music and turned on the laptop to play some games. Doyoung never really played games but sometimes he loved it when you two played together. He would always let you win to make you happy. You on the other hand would get annoyed at him for not even trying. Nevertheless you had always fun in the end.

Minecraft didn’t even load the world yet and your phone rang already. You looked at the name and ofcourse it was Doyoung. Smiling to yourself you answered,” Hey baby.”

“Don’t baby me Y/N. I swear to god if one of my members saw those pictures you’re not walking tomorrow.” You bit your lip by his words feeling turned on again. “What are you gonna do to me then?” You asked innocently. Obliviously you wanted to hear him tell you the details. How he would fuck you so hard, the whole building would hear. Or how he would stick his dick deep into your mouth by pulling your hair and guiding your head himself.

“Come to the SM building. Now!” With that he hang up. You couldn’t ignore his order ofcourse so you put on clothes who were the easiest to remove, a dress with no underwear to come between us. Luckily the building was a ten minute walk and if you would run it wouldn’t even be five minutes. So you ran as fast as you could. For him.

—

Arriving there you saw Doyoung already waiting for you on the stairs. Before saying something to him you admired the view. His front hair locks were sticking on his forehead. He was wearing a simple white t-shirt and sweatpants. Also the shirt was sticking to his broad shoulders and wide chest. You couldn’t finish your examination because Doyoung stood up. His expression showed anger but a sexual lust too.

He grabbed your arm and moved towards the stairs to drag you somewhere private,” Ten minutes. Then my break is over.” You grinned, knowing ten minutes would be enough. It would be the best ten minutes you had the last couple days you could tell.

You thought he would bring you to a restroom to fuck you on the counter there but it suprised you when he opened a practice room. The lights were out and when he switched them on you could see the room clearly. Most of the walls were mirrors, dozen chairs in the back of the room and a couch with a small coffee table. And ofcourse a tv too but that wasn’t important for you since he wouldn’t fuck you on that.

He moved you to the middle of the room, letting you face the biggest mirror wall. In the mirror you could see him grabbing a chair and moving towards you again. He stood behind you with the chair between us. Knowing what he wanted you sat down quickly.

His hands touched your neck, then your shoulders and finally went down to your breast, brushing over them. By this single, soft touch you felt like moaning already. But you bit your lip harsh to hold back the moan. He then kneeled down infront of you. His stare meeting your eyes but soon it moved to your pussy. You knew he could see it clearly and bare and it made you wet.

Not what you expected he walked again to stand behind you. His body hang over you and his hands reached for you legs. He harshly spread them apart, looking in the mirror. Following his gaze you looked at yourself in the mirror. You saw his hands move to your pussy through the mirror.

He finally touched your clit and circled around slowly. Your eyes rolled back while grabbing his underarm. As you were about to moan out loud he pulled his slender fingers away. Your body pushed itself back, wanting to feel his touch again.

“We only have five minutes left. Let me fuck you immediately.” With that statement he pulled you up. Your legs wrapped around his waist as he pulled down his sweats with underwear and sat down eventually. When he also let go of you, you sank down his long, thick length. You now finally moaned out loud, moving your hands to his neck for support.

“Ah fuck Y/N. You’re so fucking tight.” He cursed under his breath while grabbing your waist and pulling out again only to push into you with full speed. Moans left your mouth as he moved his hips up and down to thrust into you. All he could do was groan and curse but that made you more turned on. His groans were perfectly raspy.

Slapping sounds, moaning, groaning and cursing filled the room. By the sounds he made and his dick filling you it wouldn’t take long for you to cum. “I-Im cumming Doyou-“ Your legs shaked and a familiar feeling rushed over you.

“Fuck Y/N fuck.” His breaths went faster and his groans harder. He was close so to make him cum fast you pulled out to put him into your mouth. You licked his tip, tasting his cum a little. Not having any patience he pushed you be your hair to make his dick enter your mouth. You moaned by his roughness. By that he went faster and faster and finally came. “Swallow.” He didn’t have to tell you that twice. You swallowed like a good girl and relaxed your muscles.

He let go of your hair to grab your face, pulling you into a long make out. You bet he could taste his own cum. Knowing it was time for him to practice he stood up, wearing his clothes again. He helped you get dressed too. But you couldn’t leave yet. Sweat was all over you two so Doyoung grabbed a towel and cleaned the most of it. Then you both left the room hand in hand.

You two entered his practice room. All of the members heads turned around to look our way. You smiled brightly and waved,” Sorry I was just bringing him a kiss.” The members laughed, knowing that it was more then just a kiss. Doyoung laughed too and walked away from you, leaving you alone by the door,” See you tonight baby.” You nodded, ready to leave the boys practice.

You turned around, waved at them and left but before you could step into the elevator you could hear Johnny say,” She has nice tits.” With a slap sound followed. He definitely saw the nudes but you didn’t really care. Johnny wasn’t one to judge you or Doyoung. With a laugh you left. Entered a taxi, feeling too tired to walk and you made your way home thinking about how you could do this more often if it would lead to a fast sex session.

And you remember his words: “I swear to god if one of my members saw those pictures you’re not walking tomorrow.” Since Johnny saw it, all you had to do was wait for him at home and a second round.

————————————-

*kakaotalk: Its like the main messenger in Korea

A/N: This oneshot is made very fast so I know its bad writted and im sorry. Im posting this mainly because I feel guilty for now posting on my series. Lately I haven’t got much time to write for them so thats why I wrote this oneshot. :/

[blackbutler-readerinsertsandjunk]

Ask for snake and I will oblige. How about a bold S/O giving snake a kiss under some mistletoe at a little Phantomhive Christmas party with the the usual mansion gang (and probably Lizzy cause she would want in on some fun too)

aaaaa gosh this is so cute

I didn’t make much mention of the other servants, but there’s a bit of Lizzie at the end!

Perhaps it’s because SNAKE isn’t, well, ‘normal’, but he’s not sure what to expect of this holiday. More importantly, he doesn’t know what to expect of a Christmas party.

Sure, he and his family in the circus celebrated Christmas. It’s just that with that, usually the celebration consisted of everyone sharing an extra candy treat while watching the snow fall. That’s how he’s always celebrated it. Not really a party.

Despite that he doesn’t know what to expect, someone suddenly kissing his cheek is so far away from what he does expect, to him it’s in the realm of not even existing as a possibility.

Who the hell in their right mind would want to kiss someone as ugly as him?

In an instant, he’s stepped back with a shocked look on his face. The snake who’s around his neck (which, at the moment, happens to be Goethe) offers a startled hiss of his own. “‘Well, I never! You ought to warn someone before you do that! You scared the poor man half to death!’ I-it’s… it’s alright, Goethe… I’m fine… I-I just… ‘Oh, come on, they were very forward! They didn’t even buy you dinner first!’ Goethe, please…”

The other person, who is very attractive indeed ― who looks very much like the kind of person who’s at home during these events and so certainly not the kind of person who would ever be interested in him ― has pulled back a little themselves. Their face reads as half apologetic and half amused. “I’m so sorry, dear! I didn’t mean to scare you. Just, well, ah…”

One of their fingers points upward, in the direction of a green plant and red berries hung from the ceiling. “Mistletoe.”

“Ah…” All he can do for a long moment is blink. Although he feels like he’s just highlighting his unfamiliarity with… all of this… that single word does absolutely nothing to explain the situation. And someone has just kissed him. He needs an explanation. “What is… that?”

“What is wha ― oh. Oh, what’s mistletoe?” They giggle softly. To their credit, it seems very much, though, that they aren’t laughing at him; just laughing at the situation. “I’m so sorry; I didn’t know you weren’t aware! It’s a Christmas tradition. You hang it up in different places in the house, and then if two people get caught under it together, they have to kiss.”

The other person tilts their head to the side as they appear to be considering something. “Well, I suppose they don’t really have to,” they concede. “It’s just something fun and silly and people can say if they’d rather not. If I knew you didn’t want it, I wouldn’t have done it. I apologize if I’ve made you uncomfortable!”

Visible heat creeps across his face, tinting his cheeks pink even under his scales. At remembering that there are patches of the things very close to where the other person put their lips, his hand suddenly shoots up to cover his cheek. “N… no… not… I-I just… well… did… ‘Oh, for goodness’ sake, he can’t even spit it out! I’m sorry about this shy excuse for a friend of mine. Did you happen to catch those scales with your kiss?’ G-Goethe!”

Thankfully, they’re an awfully good sport about the whole thing. “Oh, my, doyou mean to talk for your snake, then? Or are you just translating? You can speak to him??” A shine of awe comes over their eyes, shifting down to look at Goethe. It’s almost shocking at least to Snake, because… they’re very close to his head. Very few people have decided to get that up close and personal with a snake. “Oh, ah, well, regardless of which of you is asking… I did feel those scales, yes!”

“Mmh,” Snake mumbles. He can feel himself blushing even harder. Of course they did. How could they not? “I’m ― I’m sorry…”

“Sorry? Why?”

Oh. He wasn’t prepared for that. “… The… scales…?”

They blink at him a few times as if they don’t understand. “But… that’s what I aimed for. That’s why I came over to talk to you. I… thought you just looked so interesting! And it seemed like you were all alone and… oh, I thought it might be a good icebreaker. Do they… hurt? You don’t want anyone touching them?”

He’s definitely not prepared for this. Not any of it. These are things he’s never really heard before. “I… not… they just… ‘Oh, good Lord, Snake! Can you ever get to the point? He thinks they’re ugly! Terrible self-confidence, this one, but everyone’s got their thing.’”

“Awh…” They keep their eyes on Goethe for a few seconds, then look up at Snake. What’s reflected in their eyes is something he really can’t describe, but it reminds him of the way the other circus members would look at him. Affection… kindness? It’s so… soft. He’s not used to it. They reach up and gently set their fingers against his cheek. It seems they’re aiming to touch his scales again, and he can’t help flinching, and his heart is hammering his ribs as he wonders what they must think.

Their fingertips are against the part of him that he despises most, and they aren’t pulling away. Contrary to what he expects, they actually run their fingers over his scales numerous times, over that one patch, and their face only seems to light up more. “These aren’t ugly,” they say, so quiet it might as well be a whisper. “They’re beautiful. I’ve never seen anything like them! Or… like you.” As soon as their eyes meet his, he can see something like adoration in them.

“Your scales are very gorgeous… at least I think so. And you are, too.” Though they don’t pull their hand away, their touch gets a little lighter. “I’m (Name), by the way. And you? I’m… I’m so sorry again ― I don’t even know your name!”

His face is on fire by this point, and he has the distinct urge to go outside to shove his face into a snowbank. “I… ‘It’s Snake! People call him Snake. Not the most creative, if you ask me, but at least it’s rather fitting.’ It… is. It’s the only name I’ve… ever known… so…”

“Snake! Oh, I love it.” Their hand moves down now, their fingers nudging gingerly against his. “So, Snake… would it be alright if I stole another kiss? I mean, it is Christmas. A kiss from you is probably the nicest present I shall get this year.”

Well. Where’s a pile of snow when he needs one? “I… er… j… just… where you did… before. ‘He’s never kissed anyone, so he doesn’t want to mess up! You best just get on with it before he changes his mind just on this!’”

That smile of (Name)’s he thinks is the most lovely thing he’s ever seen in his life. They just look so happy even about simply being able to kiss him on the cheek. “Oh, of course! That’s alright! Just getting to do this is a wonderful gift anyway!”

This time, when they kiss him, he’s ready enough that he doesn’t flinch.

Of course, when Ciel’s fiancée comes along, squeals about how cute they look together, and tugs them both onto the dance floor… that certainly makes him flinch a bit.

All the same, however, he’s glad she’s done that. He wouldn’t have had the courage to ask (Name) for a dance himself.

[clansayeed]

Bound by Destiny II, part 1 ― Chapter 13: The Party

PAIRING: Kamilah Sayeed x MC (Nadya Al Jamil) RATING: Mature

⥼ MASTERLIST ⥽

⥼ Bound by Destiny II, part 1 ⥽

While struggling with nightmares of lives she’s never lived, a shadow from the past looming over her city, and the proposed idea that her life may just be a little bit too weird to handle alone, Nadya makes sure to tell herself that everything is perfect just the way it is. If only. When the self-proclaimed King of Vampires (and Maker of her sometimes-girlfriend and always-boss, can’t forget that little tidbit) Gaius Augustine returns intent on claiming Manhattan as the throne that was promised, she and her friends find themselves forced into the task of saving the world. But with millennia-old vampires and an Order of hunters on their heels as well as allies hiding catastrophic secrets at their backs… it won’t be an easy task. Too bad destiny didn’t exactly ask for her input.

Bound by Destiny II and the rest of the Oblivion Bound series is an ongoing dramatic retelling project of the Bloodbound series and spin-off, Nightbound. Find out more [HERE].

*Let me know if you would like to be added to the Destiny II tag list!

⥼ Chapter Summary ⥽

It's been one whole year since Lily was Turned and she refuses to let it be a bummer. Time to party!

[READ IT ON AO3]

Nadya’s glad she never has to explain to anyone what the Shadow Den looked like before Jax joined the Council and made the Clanless, well, not-so-Clanless. It’s just such a different place. Sometimes that dark and dim tiny-flame-in-the-endless-night hopeful sanctuary for anyone seeking it seems like a distant dream rather than a memory.

Even if she tried, too, Nadya’s not quite so sure they would believe her.

That being said — Maricruz has really outdone herself.

Every bodega and small store in the city must be sold out of string lights. Not that Nadya’s complaining; all the bulbs put together like this form a weird kind of heated-lamp effect and being underground in the middle of January had been one of her biggest concerns about tonight.

The unofficial Fountain Square is a dazzling sight with multicolored fairy lights — and whatever stall can have streamers does have streamers stretching the whole length of the party. It’s kind of jarring when she spots the cutoff point. How everything just drops off into a dark abyss. But right now there’s probably no place safer on the entire island.

Adrian tucks his present higher under his arm and takes in the decorations with equal bewilderment. “I wonder where they’re siphoning the electricity from.”

There’s a little frown creasing between his eyebrows as he says it. Nadya knows that look and quickly diverts his attention. She doesn’t know either but she has a feeling the answer isn’t exactly on the right side of the law.

“I can’t believe you guys don’t do this for everyone.” This; a celebration for a successful year as a newbie-vampire. “Imagine what kind of party I could throw for you.”

Why is he looking at her like that? What does a 200 year old vampire have to be afraid of? Her party-planning skills are excellent, thank you very much. Or had he already forgotten the Fourth of July?

“Well, remember Nadya that for many people — especially around here — their Turning wasn’t something to look back on fondly.”

“Lily’s wasn’t.”

He’ll give her that. “Touché.” But his point still stands. “I can’t speak for some of the younger ones, but I definitely don’t remember the date on which I was Turned.”

“Because colonial America used different calendars?”

“Because we were in the middle of a war.” Which is a fair point, so Nadya concedes.

Only they’ve brought up his Turning — so of course Adrian goes uncomfortably quiet beside her. Thoughts lost a long time ago and with company way less cool than those at present. So instead she hooks her arm in his and points forward to where the alley of casual attendees empties out into the heart of the Square.

Hard to believe nearly a year ago they had sat in this very spot, Adrian on the run and Nadya just trying to keep up with everyone. They had sat together on the rim of the old memorial fountain and she just knew the weight of the injustice was something he demanded to carry. “So do something about it,” she had said — an offhanded thing when they were safe and sound.

But he had.

He had wanted to have a brand-new fountain made especially for the Shadow Den. Jax had refused, which was an argument Nadya’s too happy to recall at the moment, but his reasons were sound. Instead they worked together to renovate the one already down here. It wasn’t just a place to remember the lost and mourned; it was as much a part of the community as Jax, or Lily, or even little Lula.

Now, with cracks filled-in and worn edges sanded back to definition, the memorial stone in the heart of the Shadow Den was no longer something to avoid looking at. Now the pictures and names and memories of gone loved ones could be celebrated. As they were meant to.

Adrian takes it in; his passion project, his apology letter to the Clanless community. This can never make up for what we’ve done — but it’s a place to start. He starts blinking rapidly and Nadya squeezes his arm to draw him out of his somber appreciation.

Lily would kill her if she found out someone was crying at her party.

They leave their presents on a small pile by the fountain rim. What did you get someone for surviving death for the first time around — well Lily hadn’t wanted presents so much as the party itself, but if anyone wanted to bring something for the community they were more than welcome to.

As if Nadya could ever attend a party and not bring a gift.

“Nadi’Nadi’Nadi’Nadi’!”

Incoming. She braces herself for literal impact and somehow still manages to stumble as the whirlwind of child vampire comes at her like a tiny freight train. Pulls little Lula back to hold her at arms’ length and grin down at those tiny fangs and sparkling eyes.

“Hey kiddo,” she takes care not to ruffle the young girl’s hair, done up all special for the party with curls that look suspiciously like Maricruz’s, “wow, look at your dress!”

Lula spins in her frilly little frock, on one foot and with arms spread out, while her stuffed elephant is dangerously close to being hurled into oblivion. “D’you like it, do you do you doyou?”

“I feel like I’m looking at a movie star.”

Nadya elbows Adrian for good measure. He startles only a bit this time. “Absolutely,” he agrees, “you look like a little Shirley Temple.”

“Who?” Lula asks with her head cocked, and Nadya quickly slaps her hand over her mouth to stifle her laughter.

“I’m gonna let you handle that one.”

And if he’s going to try and get out of it the way Lula suddenly latches onto him insisting she knows stops that in its tracks. Nadya just winks and skirts off while she still can.

Because there’s only one place to find Lily Spencer at any party — and that’s exactly where Nadya finds her. Digging around in the wires underneath what looks like a pretty expensive DJ rig with wire strippers between her teeth and tangled electrical tape in her determined grasp.

She crouches down and taps Lily on the forehead. “Anything I can do?”

“I’ll call you if I want it to break.”

Not that they don’t grin at one another — Nadya’s fully aware of her technological ineptitude. Still she makes herself comfortable to watch a master work her art.

“You remember this is your party, right?”

“Uh-huh, your point?”

“Shouldn’t someone else be doing that?”

Stupid questions get stupid answers; in this case a look that’s so withering Nadya will see it every time she so much as trips on a shoelace. So she tries something else; “Where’re Mari and Jax?”

Lily spits out the roll of tape and Nadya grabs it before it can disappear in the crowd of feet. “Jax and Arnold are bringing in the kegs. Someone needed a boss so Mari went off. Hand me that, no, that thing right — no to your left.”

“You just said right!”

“Your other right!”

Lily all but yanks the god-knows-what from her hand and Nadya flicks her roommate’s nose for the trouble. “Don’t hang out under here for too long, okay?”

“Nadya — I can’t just sit by and not have a banger playlist going at a party with my name on it.”

“Really, will the party gods cast you out?” She feigns surprise, and quickly scrambles off of the small temporary stage before divine retribution comes upon her.

“You’d better run, Al Jamil!”

Only… Lily can’t see around the booth, so she doesn’t know just how right she is.

After all, why would anything ever go right for her? Why would she think she could enjoy a nice party and not turn to physically collide into the one person she had hoped she could just… yearn at from a safe and wistful distance?

Kamilah catches her faster than it takes her to realize she’s falling. Hands steady on her upper arms, making sure she’s not about to keel over and end up a pool of blood on the concrete underfoot.

Talk about falling head-over-heels.

“Uh — thanks for that…” says Nadya sheepishly, but Kamilah doesn’t respond. She just stares, eyes practically squinting, before leaning back with a nod.

“What,” Nadya pales, “something on my face?”

The woman shakes her head. “No. I was merely checking to make sure you had your contacts in.”

Oh. “Y-Yeah. Lily likes to — well this dance she invented is just spinning around and with her new speed I really didn’t want them to pistol-whip someone in the face.” Is she rambling?

Wow, she’s rambling. And Kamilah notices it too; likely in the same moment. The smile it gets is small but there. Like a secret between them even in the small crowd.

It makes Nadya feel not-so-bad for having one of her own.

“Thanks for coming,” she switches the subject quickly, “dunno if you know but… it—it means a lot to Lil’.” And to me.

Kamilah’s words are careful and measured. “Well then, you may tell Lily that I am grateful for the invitation. And wouldn’t turn down the opportunity to see her… enjoying herself.”

So this is a thing they’re going to be doing, huh.

Before Nadya can answer there’s a shrill whistle that makes the entire crowd—save herself—flinch. Sensitive vampires and whistles do not go well together.

A gaggle of angry glares all whip over to where Jax is smirking at the entrance to another alley of stalls. He lowers his fingers from his lips and motions at them with a wave. Before Kamilah even gets the chance to consider declining, Nadya nudges her with insistence. “Come on, we’re not gonna be those people.”

“And which people would that be?”

“The ones who get social restraining orders on each other.”

She doesn’t mention it, but Nadya doesn’t miss the little bit of relief that crosses Kamilah’s face under a string of purple lights.

Jax has alcohol (some thankfully not from a keg, though she knows Lily can and will live her fantasy of a keg-stand at some point tonight) which, thank god honestly. It helps that he’s with her too — because someone has to be here to back her up when Nadya will try to convince the world Kamilah takes a bottle of cheap beer from Arnold with a thanks and a long drink.

Adrian joins them shortly after; the huff he gives at Nadya with no real heat behind it. “Nu-uh,” she drinks her cider to avoid laughing too hard, “you dated yourself back there, old man.” Which makes Jax and Kamilah give equally confused looks — so of course the laughter can’t be contained.

Halfway through her bottle there’s blowback on unseen speakers — followed by chill-yet-classy electronica. When Lily’s sliding in with a manic delight that could only mean she’s ready to do something crazy…

Though she wants to wait for her grand ‘stand until Maricruz can admire her for it.

The music acts like a beacon. Summons vampires and humans alike from their scattered conversations and to the Square for dancing. Lily doesn’t give Nadya a choice in joining her — but her two left feet are a compliment to her best friend’s two right ones and they make it work.

Jax, too, gets dragged in with them — who in their right minds could possibly turn down Lula for anything, ever — and its with absolute amusement that Nadya watches the older seamstress Evelyn accost Adrian for something that’s a little too much like a swing for the current beats-per-minute.

And then there was one.

Under the guise of “needing a change in pace ohmygod,” Lily shoves Nadya away and heads back to the stereo stage. Only someone horrendously oblivious would think she wasn’t trying to do the obvious.

It’s Kamilah. Kamilah is horrendously oblivious.

She looks down at Nadya’s offered hand with lips pursed. “This isn’t the sort of music I’m… familiar with dancing to.”

“You think anyone actually does?”

Together they look out to the dance floor. Nadya’s point is proven in every direction, and then some.

“Nadya…”

But it isn’t dancing that has Kamilah hesitating. It makes perfect sense — Nadya was stupid for thinking they even could. “Nope, you’re right, my bad. I’ll —”

The familiarity of her hand is astounding. A drink of cool water on a blistering summer day. Nadya remembers a distant thought — that she had been happy to give up those sunny afternoons without a look back if it meant being with Kamilah.

And now; laughing until she’s pink in the face while showing a two thousand year old vampire how to improvise a groove?

She still would.

An hour and a second bottle later and Nadya’s sure she might die. No really, this is what dying feels like. Tightness in her chest, she can’t breathe, tongue dry and heavy in her mouth and her pulse racing through her body and pounding in her temples.

And just what will she say with her dying breath?

“Groovy moves, Jax!”

Thus Nadya can depart this world peacefully — or at the very least fall back into Adrian in absolute hilarity with the knowledge he won’t let her fall.

Jax glares but doesn’t let it stop him. He keeps on hustling, keeps on murdering Nadya with every jerky thrust of his hips.

Cause of death: aggressive hustle.

Though if she doesn’t get some air she’ll get dizzy at the very least. Adrian helps her back by the impromptu bar where Kamilah leans against a support column.

“I was under the impression we as a society had agreed to leave disco behind.”

Adrian snorts a laugh. “You did, but I’m pretty sure you were the only one.”

“If you ever visited a disco you must have done so behind my back.”

“No, but I can’t begrudge people going out and having a good time.”

“Ah yes, I forgot who I was talking to,” Kamilah rolls her eyes so hard it makes Nadya’s head hurt, “you’ve always been Mister Fun Entertainment.”

“Hey —”

She would be happy to watch the pair of them go at it all night, really. But when Adrian stops mid-sentence its enough to make both Nadya and Kamilah turn to see where Lily is running towards them… and with an all-too-familiar widened panic in her eyes.

Just one thing, can’t they have just one thing?

“What is the matter?” Kamilah sets on her immediately, but Lily ignores her for Nadya.

“You need to come quick.”

“Where’ve you been?” She distantly remembers maybe hearing Lily call out for her girlfriend, who had been mysteriously absent for how excited she was to throw this thing. “Lil’, what’s wrong?”

“Too much talking, not enough walking.”

Lily starts to shove Nadya down the way she’d come. The older vampires follow hot on their heels.

“Lil’ — stop shoving me I’m gonna fall. I’m com—I’m coming, okay? Jeez…” She has to practically force Lily to let her walk on her own two feet. And still with no questions answered.

“They’re just up ahead.”

They. Why does Nadya’s stomach fall out of her butt at that? Probably because the only ‘they’ in her life lately have been crazy killer lovers, maybe, possibly?

“Come on, stop for a second.”

“No, I don’t wanna leave her alone with him for long.”

Well now Nadya’s thoroughly lost. Thankfully when she looks behind to the others she doesn’t seem to be the only one.

Lily takes them all passed the unofficial border of the party; where the lights don’t reach but a few stragglers chat and feed with donor’s permission by candlelight. The farther they go the worse her anxiety; but there’s no stopping now.

They finally round the roasted cashew cart and her brain doesn’t really register the fact that there’s nothing to immediately panic about.

Maricruz looks up at them with her arms crossed over her chest, expression set grim. Behind her Nadya vaguely recognizes the entry to one of the Den’s closed-off feeding areas — because apparently performance anxiety was a thing vampires could have.

“Are you okay baby?” Lily asks, and immediately slots herself against the other woman’s side. Maricruz nods and kisses her temple — but it’s an absent act; a physical reaction. Her mind is definitely elsewhere.

“‘M fine, cariña.”

“But —”

“He’s almost done.”

He pushes aside the curtain before Nadya, Adrian, or Kamilah can even begin to process what’s going on. He has to duck because obviously the Den wasn’t built with people his height in mind.

Cadence thumbs away a drop of blood from the corner of his mouth almost sheepishly. Despite having—apparently—just fed he looks haggard; hair tied back in a messy ponytail but falling around his face almost gaunt in the hollows of his cheeks.

He hauls up the strap of his shoulder bag a bit higher and only then realizes they have company. Even his smile is exhausted.

Nadya knows that if she opens her mouth right now the only thing that will come out is some variation of “what the literal crap” so she does the smart thing… and keeps it shut.

But… is anybody gonna say anything? Anything at all?

“You know this man?” asks Kamilah, clipped and curt behind her. It takes Nadya a second to realize she’s asking Maricruz.

The smuggler kicks at the dirt under her heel. “Kinda.”

Adrian almost sounds relieved. “Cadence — what are you doing in New York?”

When did you get here? Why didn’t you tell Kathy? How the heck is this my life right now? Nadya still doesn’t say a word though which is probably for the best.

Though, thankfully, her stomach totally bottomed out on the run over here. So when the blond vampire looks right at her there’s nowhere lower it could possibly go.

“I’m here because I need the Bloodkeeper’s help.”

Silence.

When someone speaks; Nadya’s as surprised as any of them when she recognizes the voice as her own.

“We should talk about this somewhere else.”

“I agree.”

“C’mon,” Maricruz jerks her head back to the heart of the Shadow Den; the party still swings without them, “we’ll go back to Matsuo’s.”

Not that they have many other options — and even if they did Maricruz is already marching on, Lily’s hand in hers, very much not looking back. They all start to follow — or nearly all.

They’re already around a corner when Nadya notices Kamilah isn’t with them.

She looks back and the look on the vampiress’ face is… scary. Part of that fear is because she recognizes it too-well; because it’s the reason the two of them are the way they are right now.

The rest of it is because it’s so sudden; it takes Nadya by surprise.

“Kamilah?” she calls, and distantly hears the footsteps ahead of her stop, “Are you coming?”

It almost looks like she isn’t.

Then one step forward, and another, like she’s remembering how to walk. Nadya follows slow and purposefully at her side the whole way there.

The first thing Nadya realizes once the door closes behind them — she’s stuck in a tiny apartment full of vampires. And it’s not like control has ever been on her side when it comes to these kinds of things.

Hopefully it won’t take long.

“I take it you haven’t made much progress with the Amulet?” Cadence asks, though judging by the already apologetic way he looks at Nadya he already knows the answer. “I see, I’m sorry to know that.”

“Why are you here?” It’s Kamilah who cuts to the chase; abrupt and almost rude; and she’s not the only one who realizes it.

Adrian throws Kamilah a look but it isn’t returned. She hasn’t looked away from Cadence from the moment he’d left the feeding den.

To his credit, the blond vampire remains calm even under her aggressive scrutiny. Not many can. “I came to try and help if I could. I spent a decade trying to find it; and though it might not have been any use to me personally I thought some of my research —” he pats the bag now resting in his lap, “— might prove useful.”

Which is great if it’s true. But Kamilah’s suspicion might just be rubbing off on her. Something about his attitude isn’t holding up.

“Why doesn’t Kathy know where you are?”

He doesn’t look away fast enough. Nadya doesn’t miss the flash of pain over his features. “This was an impulsive decision. I was going to tell her once I’d settled in… and once you had decided whether or not to accept my help.”

Adrian’s arms cross over his chest. “When did you arrive?”

“Just this afternoon. I spent the daylight hours at the train station and sought you out the moment I could. I have no desire to repeat what happened with Izzy.”

“Good move on your part.”

But Kamilah isn’t having it.

“I thought I was clear when I told you never to return to New York. Should I have followed it with a threat?”

“The threat was well-implied, Miss Sayeed.”

“And yet here you are.”

“I would think the threat the Amulet’s secrets pose were worth the risk.” He raises an eyebrow; meets her toe-to-toe and doesn’t back down. Nadya would be impressed if she didn’t know how badly things like this usually ended. And not against Kamilah’s favor.

“Do not speak to me of risks. I know better than anyone —”

Then Adrian is between them; Nadya didn’t register the distance slowly closing between the confronting vampires until he’s got a hand on each one’s shoulder and, from the looks of it, struggling to hold his fellow Council member back.

“Kamilah,” he tries to chide; actually has to swerve his head to get her to look away from Cadence and at him, “why are you acting like this?”

She doesn’t answer, but Nadya can guess pretty well on her own. Can’t say she hasn’t been feeling a little of that apprehension rolling off of the woman in waves herself, but she’s hoping it’s just Bloodkeeper projecting and not something she really feels.

But Cadence takes her silence as an opportunity to back down; literally. Instead he looks to Nadya.

“Not only that, but I wanted to apologize to you; to all of you.”

“For what?” Which might just be her stupidest question to date.

“For my actions at Persephone, and for not being there to try and give this kind of help before. But when night fell and I was able to get to the others, you’d already left Louisiana.”

She shrugs. “It was important we got back.” She had things to do after all. Vampires to break up with. Relationships to ruin. Depression to cry over.

“Of course, and I understand that. And I won’t do you the disservice of sitting here and saying my actions and intentions are entirely altruistic ones. I want to help you because it’s the right thing to do. But I hope you might return my offer with help of your own. Help only you, Nadya, can provide.”

And there it is. I’m here because I need the Bloodkeeper’s help.

Nadya holds up a hand to her friends before they can say anything in her stead. Whether they were planning to or not — she deserves the chance to speak first. They can’t begrudge her that, can they?

It’s her power. She can do what she wants with it. And frankly, after all the grief it’s caused her, the thought of doing some good with it is nice.

“You want me to try and find your memories.”

“Yes,” and it helps that he seems almost apologetic for asking, “because I hate to admit it — and I think I’ve been avoiding admitting it for some time now — you might be the only avenue I have left. Every single lead has come up dry. It’s been a century now… and I’m tired of getting my hopes up if I’m honest.”

Nadya wrings her hands together in her lap. “I don’t… I mean I want to help, Cadence, please understand that. And if I know that I can then yeah, let’s do it. But this isn’t something I have control of. I don’t even know if it’ll work.”

“It will.”

“I thought you weren’t getting your hopes up?”

“You misunderstand, see I know it will — because it already has.”

The only one who doesn’t look surprised is Maricruz, but she also doesn’t seem to have been paying attention since this began. She looks at Lily and judges the context from there.

Though even among those in the know the reactions are mixed. Adrian looks the good kind of surprised and that’s sensible; he was the first one to try and help after all. But Kamilah couldn’t be more opposite; she melts the emotion away easily but not before Nadya has a chance to see it for what it is — fear.

And Cadence, well, he’s getting kind of excited. “I’ve always known I served on account of the uniform, but I’ve never had a lick of a memory about the war itself. But now I do, Nadya, I do. It was so small, a roaring engine and fellow soldiers and what I think were bombs falling in the trenches. All fragments, really. Beautiful, wonderfully complex and confusing fragments. And it’s all thanks to you.” He leans forward and takes her hands in his. Nadya can’t tell if she’s the one shaking, or he is, or maybe they both are.

“Flechette, remember? You and Izzy.”

And she definitely remembers now. Awakening from unconsciousness, Isadora de la Rosa having been digging around in her head like she was an abandoned bin of winter clothes in the back of a garage. Cadence had been unconscious, and when he’d come to…

He sees the recognition across her face. “I should apologize for that, too. I couldn’t wrap my mind around it, and it was so fleeting… but you know how strange it is, don’t you. To have your entire life, all the things you can point to and know and name, and then suddenly there’s something new. Something you can feel in your bones is the truth.”

When Nadya swallows it feels like there’s glass in her throat. “And… you’re looking around, and you know what’s going to happen next because you—you lived it. But then you didn’t, and you’re still surprised.”

“But like a dream it never lasts long.”

“And you’re left wondering what was real and what was your imagination. Yes.”

If Nadya had known how good it would feel to have someone understand — actually understand; not because the memories were theirs but because they didn’t know what was going on just like she didn’t know what was going on — she would have laid out a red carpet for the guy.

Calling it nice doesn’t even scrape against what it really is, but there’s a relief there too. She holds on to that.

“You’re my last shot, Nadya,” Cadence insists; Nadya believes him utterly, “not only that you’re the only shot that’s yielded results. I think I’d given up a long time ago and not even realized it. Because to have hope for the first time… well, ever?”

She nods. She gets it — and not just because the longer her body heat has the chance to seep into his skin the more that starts to bleed through the cracks. Nadya yanks her hands away but luckily he doesn’t seem too insulted.

Adrian clears his throat and draws their attention. Pulls them out of their little world of someone who gets what it’s like to be someone and yourself and not knowing who either really is.

“Actually, this is a unique opportunity to study an actual measure to your abilities, Nadya.” He makes a point of ignoring the appalled silence radiating off of Kamilah beside him. “That is; if the both of you agree to a documented study.”

“Not a fan of how you’re making me sound like a lab rat.”

“You know what I mean.”

She does. And throwing a look Cadence’s way — he does, too.

“But we can hammer out the finer details tomorrow,” because he hasn’t missed Lily’s bouncing leg or the change of muffled music beyond the door, “because I think the hostess of the party has been away from it for long enough, wouldn’t you say Lily?”

“Lily would say,” Lily says, “Lily would definitely say.”

Cadence initially tries to back out but Lily won’t have it — though she does forget to tell him to duck before pulling him out of the apartment and he ends up stumbling with a red mark on his forehead. Maricruz follows at their heels and Adrian looks ready to join close behind — but he stops when he realizes no one else is coming along.

“Nadya? Kamilah? Are you coming?”

She knows what it looks like when someone is looking through you rather than at you. That’s why it hurts so much seeing it from eyes she’s always thought so beautiful; so boundless.

Nadya doesn’t regret ever falling for Kamilah. But at times like this — when she’s more content to twist herself up in her own concerns and shut everyone; shut Nadya out — she finds herself wondering how exactly she ended up doing so in the first place.

“Yeah, Adrian, I’m coming.”

She follows him out; and this time she doesn’t look back.

[thegoodthebadthesickly]

Bad Things Happen Bingo Headache/Migraine-Peter Parker

Cross Posting this from Wattpad because I’m in love with how it turned out!

I copy/pasted, sorry if Tumblr flubbed the formatting!

@badthingshappenbingo

Request- Headache/Migraine

Fandom- MCU *Post End Game, but everyone lives*

Wow this is so long, but I just had way too much fun!

The aura hits him in fourth period,calculus. Peter wondered why migraines didn't have the decency to atleast wait until the end of the school day.

At first, it's just shimmering spots inhis right eye, like a wall reflecting the ripples of a pool. That,Peter can handle. He still has time.

By the end of the period, the tingling starts. Peter is just hopes he can make it through lunch at this point. Any time now. Leaving for lunch, he pulls up the hood of his jacket, hoping to block out as much light as possible. Maybe, just maybe, if he could stop the visuals auras, the migraine would change it's mind.

Peter is walking to the cafeteria,trying to focus on where his feet are going so he doesn't fall over,when Ned comes up behind him.

"Dude! I got the new limited editionIron Man lego set, with the mach 1 suit! My mom said I can stay overtonight and we can work on it, as long as it's okay with May. Ialready told my mom she said yes because May always says yes. What doyou say? Lego Bros? Or, do you have secret spider-man stuff to do?"Ned adds in a whisper.

Peter would be impressed that Ned had gotten all of that out in one breath, if the sudden noise hadn’t made him nauseous. Waiting for Peter to answer, Ned filled the silence, a skill he’d gotten all too good at.

"It's okay if you can't come over today. I bet you have something really cool going on with Mr. Stark. Are you working on a new suit? Are you working on his suit? If I got to touch an Iron Man suit, I think I'd transcend-" Ned rambles, waiting forPeter to respond.

"N-Ned, please, and I mean this in the nicest, most Lego Bro way possible, be quiet." Peter plead,stopping for a moment to lean his head against the wall. He thoughthe might be sick.

"Oh!" Ned mentally kicked himselffor not seeing it sooner. The not talking, the hood pulled up, andnow that Ned really looked at Peter, how pale he was could only meanone thing. Migraine. Peter had gotten them a lot when they were kids,but had grown out of them a lot in the last few years, only getting one every few months, and not getting any at all since the bite.

"I thought the whole Spider-man thingtook care of stuff like that." Ned said, at a much more manageablevolume this time.

"I thought it did too, but I guessthere are some things radioactive spider bites just don't account for." Peter said, stepping into line for lunch.

The spots in his vision are gettinglarger. Peter has to basically shift all of the weight off of hisleft side when the tingling gets so bad that he almost drops histray. He definitely wasn't going to make it to the end of lunch.

He and Ned find the table farthest awayfrom the crowd of chattering students, which is subsequently also thetable that Michelle has chosen. She looks up from her book just longenough to nod towards Ned and flip Peter off, but does a double takewhen she sees Peter. Usually when she sees Peter and Ned together,they're in the middle of geeking out over something, or talkingabout some big brain science stuff that she doesn't even try tofollow, her areas are math and literature. Something's wrong withPeter. Michelle looks him up and down, no babbling about nerd stuffor science stuff, no talking at all actually.

"What's wrong with him?" Michellenods her head towards Peter, who sits down and immediately pushes histray away to put his head on the table.

"Migraine." Ned quietly explains.

"I didn't know you got migraines." Michelle admits, there isn't much she doesn't know about anybody.

"The power of knowledge." Peter'smuffled groan comes from under his hood.

"Why haven't you gone home?"Michelle raised an eyebrow, making an effort to keep her voice at least a little quiet.

"I thought I had time." Peter moans.

"What?"

"I thought-" Peter starts again,cut off by something that sounds suspiciously like gagging.

"He got them a lot as a kid and used to be able to time them, and their symptoms, down to the minute."Ned explained once again, eyeing Peter and wondering if he was going to have to dive for the trash can. "Kind of like a super power."

"That is the worst super power I've ever heard of."

"Tell me about it." Peter deadpans.

"Why not just go to the nurse now? You've already been here for half of the day. You won't be countedabsent." Michelle pointed out.

Peter looked up at Michelle with dead eyes. Odd zigzags and shapes danced in front of his eyes.

"Do you want me to help you?" Ned asked.

Michelle almost offers to help, but that's really not how hers and Peter's friendship works, less caring words and offering to help him to the nurses office, more sarcastic words and shit talking each other. He would just think it was weird.

Peter weighs his options, he could wait to see if things improve, yeah he felt bad, but the migraine hadn't actually hit yet. If he went home now, there's no way May would let him out to patrol tonight. Secondly, the less desirable option, admit defeat. Even if he'd lost his touch, Peter knew that the migraine was on it's way, and it was probably going to be a big one. He could save himself some misery now by just going home.

Peter groans and lifts his head, uncharacteristically heavy now, and looks at Ned.

"I do have one problem with this scenario." Peter says.

"Peter, you can't st-" Ned starts, figuring Peter only wants to stay so he can do super hero stuff tonight. If he went home, there's no way May would let him out tonight.

"I'm not sure how well my legs work right now, basically my entire left side is numb."

"Is that normal?" Michelle asks, actual concern seeping into her tone.

"Sometimes." Peter shrugs, leaving out the part where he only goes numb if it's a particularly bad migraine. This was going to put him out of commission for the next two days.

Ned, not one to back down from protecting his friends, stood up and marched around the side of the table to Peter.

"Come on." Ned beckoned, moving closer so Peter could grab his arm for stability.

Peter took a steadying breath before grabbing Ned's arm and hauling himself up. The effort of standing had evidently only made things worse. Now, to accompany the ripples and sparks in his vision, the numbness and the tingling, there was a low ringing in Peter's ears and pain coming from somewhere around his neck, like somebody had been giving him a deep tissue massage a little to enthusiastically. Peter trips over his own feet as he maneuvers around to face the door.

"Woah" Ned catches Peter before he can fall on his face.

If Michelle hadn't been worried about Peter, she might have laughed at the sight.

"Ugh" Peter grunts, righting himself.

"Yeah, you need to go home, like, now." Ned observes.

Slowly, Peter and Ned make it out of the cafeteria. By the time they make it back into the main building with the nurses office, Peter can definitely feel the headache starting.

"I need a sec." Peter says, stopping to lean against Ned as a wave of nausea rolls over him.

"Are you gonna be sick? You're really pale." Ned asks, wondering for the second time if he'd need to dive for a trashcan.

"No. No. Keep going." Peter mumbles, his tone breathy. God, everything hurts. A feeling of "ick" had settled into Peter's bones, like he had the flu.

"Almost there, buddy. You good?" Ned asks softly.

"Good." Peter practically whispers.

Nurse Penny is all too surprised to see Ned Leeds practically carrying Peter Parker into her office. She's having lunch, a vegan macaroni and cheese, when Ned deposits Peter on the couch. Now, Peter Parker used to be a repeat offender in her office, but she hadn't seen him for months. In fact, he had stopped coming around for his inhaler and various other maladies right around the time that Spider-Man showed up in the city, but that was none of her business.

"Mr. Parker, Mr. Leeds." She greets the boys. "What can I do for you today?"

"Peter has a migraine." Ned says, knowing he doesn't have to explain anymore than that to Nurse Penny.

"Would you like me to call your aunt, Peter?" Penny acknowledges the pale boy on the bed, leaning his head against the wall and generally looking like death warmed over.

"Y-yeah." Peter tries to sound as dignified as possible, and then remembers that May left on a trip to see a cousin this morning. She'd offered to take Peter, but he needed to be available to the Avengers. May had softly lectured him about how he was still a kid and how he should at least take her time away to throw a party.

"Wait, she-she's out of town. She left this-this morning." Peter says. He could barely see anything for the rippling in his vision and the pain dial was slowly being turned up to twenty.

"Oh. Is there anyone else I can call?" Penny asks, looking at the approved caretakers. May Parker, Ben Parker, Tony Stark...Tony Stark?! Penny is sure she read that wrong. Someone must have put that down as a joke.

"Tony Stark." Ned offers.

So it wasn't a joke?

"Peter is an intern at Stark Industries. Mr. Stark wouldn't mind taking him home."

"N-no. I don't want to bother Mr. Stark. I can just wait it out." Peter says weakly.

Pursing her lips, Penny wonders what to do. She looks at Peter, who is getting paler by the minute, and at Ned, who just nods cryptically.

Still unable to believe that she's actually about to talk to Tony Stark on the phone, Penny picks up the phone and dials the number listed.

One ring. Two rings. Click.

"Tony Stark's phone. Pepper Potts speaking." Pepper answers, she hadn't said those words in a long time, but Tony was in the workshop blasting music and hadn't heard his phone ringing. She got up from the couch where she had been watching movies with Morgan, before she had gotten bored and left to see what Tony was doing in the workshop.

"Hi, I'm calling for Tony Stark. I'm the nurse at Midtown High and I'm here with Peter Parker. He has a migraine and needs to be picked up from school." Penny explains.

"Oh, poor thing. I'll let Tony know. Someone will be there shortly." Pepper says before hanging up, she can definitely empathize with Peter, having struggled with migraines for years.

"O-okay." Penny says, surprised. She wonders if Tony Stark himself will be showing up to retrieve the sick Peter Parker from school. Tony stark, with that hair, and that face, and that-Penny cuts her thoughts off.

Pepper takes the elevator down to the workshop, AC/DC getting louder all the way. When she steps out, the site that greets her is one she's seen all too often. Tony and Morgan are leaned over a machine with welding helmets on. Sparks are flying everywhere. Pepper tries to stand back, she already owns enough clothing with burn marks.

"Friday, can you pause the music?" Pepper says, knowing that she doesn't have to raise her voice for the AI to hear her.

"Sure thing, Boss Lady." Friday says happily.

The music stops abruptly. Tony and Morgan stop what they were doing and Pepper walks over to them, no longer in danger of ruined clothing.

"Tony, what have I told you about letting our child use your tools?" Pepper crosses her arms, seeing where sparks have burned little holes in Morgan's new shirt.

"I should always have her wear something over her clothes." Tony says sheepishly.

"You may be one of the wealthiest men alive, but you won't be that way for long if I have to keep replacing clothes as soon as I buy them. Also, Peter's school called. He's sick and they need someone to pick him up. I could have Happy-"

"What's the kid gotten himself into now?" Tony asks, trying not to sound as worried as he is, already taking off his welding gear. For a super hero, Peter Parker seemed to have more of a knack for getting himself into trouble than out of it.

"The nurse said he has a migraine. I didn't know he got migraines." Pepper admits.

"Me neither. I'll go get him. No need to call Happy, he's with his mom today." Tony doesn't want to admit that he struggles to trust anybody, even one of his best friends, with Peter's well being after the events of the past few years.

"Morgan, why don't you go upstairs and watch movies with mommy?" Tony picks up Morgan, placing her on his hip.

"Can I go with you and see Peter?" Morgan asks excitedly.

"No, not today. I don't think Peter feels too good." Tony explains as he removes the welding helmet.

"I can make him feel better." Morgan protests as Tony hands her over to Pepper.

"Why don't we go make up the guest room for Peter? I bet he's really tired." Pepper tucks a piece of hair behind Morgan's ear.

"He can borrow my Aunt Carol doll!" Morgan offered, referring to the Captain Marvel plush doll that Tony had gotten her for her birthday.

"That sounds perfect." Pepper said excitedly.

Pepper and Tony say in unison.

Tony gives Pepper a kiss and ruffles Morgan's hair before they head back upstairs and he leaves to retrieve Peter.

A Tesla pulling up outside Midtown high in the middle of the day was a weird enough occurrence, but when Tony Stark himself steps out of the Tesla, that's when things get interesting.

Tony thought lunch must have just let out by how many students were around to witness his arrival. He expertly wades through the sea of teenagers pulling out their phones and walks into the main building. He pulls to a stop at the reception desk.

"Hi, Tony Stark here to pick up Peter Parker." He says, taking off his sunglasses and hooking them to his shirt.

The secretary stammered for a moment before sputtering "Nurses office. Down the hall on the left."

"Thanks." Tony smiles.

He follows the secretary's directions and ends up at a door marked with a large red and white wreath reading "Nurse Penny". Tony knocks.

Nurse Penny, Tony assumes, opens the door and isn't quite quick enough with her expression to hide the look of surprise on her face to be opening her door to Tony Stark.

"Hi. I'm here for Peter." Tony looks into the room, the lights are dimmed and he has to strain his eyes to see inside. Once his eyes adjust, he sees Peter and his friend (Neville? Nehemiah?) sitting on the cot in the corner. On sight, Peter looks like death, and that's saying something. He's leaned against the wall with his eyes closed.

"This seems to be a particularly bad episode." Penny explains quietly. "He's become very sensitive to light and sound."

"May I?" Tony asked, stepping into the room.

"Of course." Penny side stepped.

Peter didn't react as Tony knelt in front of him.

Pete? Peter?"

Peter opened his eyes a sliver.

"Mr. Stark?" He mumbled.

"Yeah. It's me bud. I'm gonna take you home, okay?"

"M'head hur's" Peter whines.

"I know it does." Tony said, turning to Penny. "Were you able to give him anything?"

"I'm allowed to give him Excedrin, but I'm not sure how much that helped."

"Thank you, and thank you, Nathaniel." Tony turned back to Ned.

"I-it's Ned, actually, but I've been-I've been thinking of changing it." Ned stammers.

"Are you good to walk?" Tony surveyed Peter.

"Y-yeah." Peter whined. It felt like someone was driving an ice pick through his temple. He wished people would stop making so much noise.

"Let's get you up." Tony stands and holds a hand out to Peter.

Peter blearily opens his eyes and is met with Tony stark staring at him with his signature "worried dad" expression.

After a few attempts, Peter is leaning on Tony's shoulder, Tony's arm in a protective grip around his waist.

Now for the hard part.

"Hey Pete? I'm gonna open the door. It's probably really bright and loud." Tony says sympathetically, then he has an idea. "Here, put your hood up and put these on." Tony hands Peter his sunglasses, hopefully the absence of light would help make the short journey bearable.

Peter fumbled with the glasses for a moment before putting them on and once again pulling up the hood of his jacket, his vision was still blurry and he was only just starting to get feeling back in his hand.

"Ready?"

Peter mumbled something that Tony couldn't catch, he'd be lying if he said he wasn't a little freaked out by how despondent the kid was.

Tony opened the door and he and Peter set off. The teachers must have made the students go to class, not wanting to make a spectacle of Peter. Tony wasn't usually grateful for a lack of people looking at him, unless he had Morgan, but this time was an exception. He was glad he didn't have to wade through a crowd of people. With Ned following close behind, Tony and Peter slowly made their way to his car.

Once inside the car, Peter curled in on himself, trying to shut out as much sensory information as possible. Why did it hurt so much?

"Feel better man." Ned whispered sympathetically, trying not to breathe on Tony Stark's Tesla, before going back into the building with Nurse Penny.

Peter mumbled something unintelligible.

Tony closed the passenger side door as softly as possible and quickly walked around to the drivers side. Then they were off.

God, it's so bright. Peter thought. Everything hurt. Thinking hurt. Ow.

Peter thought the Excedrin that Nurse Penny gave him must have taken effect, because the pain, while it definitely not gone, felt slightly muted somehow.

"Pete? We're home." Tony's voice sounded far away behind the ringing in Peter's ears.

Peter looked up at Tony through the glasses. This wasn't his apartment?

"Mr. Stark, thi-this isn't my house." Peter mumbled quietly.

"Is there anybody at your house to take care of you?" Tony asked, already knowing the answer.

"No."

"That's what I thought you were going to say. I'll be happy to let you go home once you're feeling better, but I refuse to let you be by yourself in this condition."

"I'll be fi-"

"No. Nope. I don't even want to hear the word fine right now. You look half dead, Pete, and if you feel half as bad as you look, you definitely don't need to be alone. You'll stay with until you feel better, or your aunt gets back."

"How'd you know 'bout that?"

"Do I really need to answer that?" Tony asks, not expecting an answer. "Now, What do you say we get you inside, Pepper and Morgan made up the guest room for you." Tony smiled softly.

"Mmph" Peter grunted in agreement. Ow.

Peter looked up and Tony wasn't beside him anymore. The door opened behind Peter and then there was a hand on his shoulder.

"You ready?" Tony voice asked.

Peter tried to turn himself to face Tony. Everything was so bright. He could barely see.

Tony didn't wait for Peter to say yes. He pulled Peter into a sitting position as gently as possible, putting his hand on his back as he guided him out of the car.

"Ow" Peter muttered.

"I know it hurts. I'm sorry." Tony said ruefully.

Peter wanted to tell Tony to stop, the pain in his head was blinding, making him beyond nauseous.

"S-stop I'm-" Peter cried as he gagged, tears rolling down his face. His head was splitting open. He couldn't take the pain.

Tony fought the urge to step back, which would have definitely ended with Peter on the ground, as Peter vomited onto his shoes.

"I'm s-sorry, I'm s-so sorry." Peter cried, hiccuping.

If it hadn't already, Tony Stark's heart officially shattered. He felt so helpless, he just wanted his kid to feel better. His kid? Tony backtracked, he would have to unpack that later. He stopped and let Peter lean against the car.

"Hey, shh. It's okay. I can get new shoes." Tony reassured Peter, rubbing the kid's back and searching his pockets for anything to wipe the vomit and spit on Peter's face, the kid should at least have a little dignity. Aha! Tony pulled out a handkerchief that he never used, Jarvis, the original, had told him that a real gentleman always carried a handkerchief. He gently wiped the mess off of Peter's face and then, folding it up, tried to wipe away the tears.

"It h-hur's T-Tony." Peter moaned.

"I know, honey. Are you ready to go inside? Do you feel like you'll be sick again?"

Peter shook his head the tiniest bit, squeezing his eyes shut.

"Alright, take two." Tony once again wrapped an arm around Peter's waist and slowly pulled him into a standing position.

Slowly, the two made it inside. Thankfully, someone had turned out all the lights. Peter opened his eyes a little. Morgan and Pepper were at the door to greet them. Morgan, usually over the moon to see Peter, was silent. Pepper must have told her about Peter's condition.

Not one to ever ignore Morgan, Peter waved. Morgan waved back, remaining a safe distance away.

Pepper squatted and whispered something to Morgan and then they were gone. Tony and Peter worked their way up the stairs to the guest bedroom slowly.

After what seemed like an eternity, Peter was no longer upright. There was a pulling sensation at his feet. He opened his eyes a crack, thank you black out curtains, and sat up on his elbow and saw Tony untying the laces of his shoes and taking them off.

"You don't need to do that."

"Did you want to sleep in your shoes?" Tony asked sarcastically.

The pressure of holding himself up was too much. Peter could feel nausea creeping up again. He lay back down with a huff.

"I think I've got some old pajamas around here somewhere." Tony rubbed his neck as he put Peter's shoes by the door.

"I'm-"

"Peter Benjamin Parker, if you were about to say "I'm fine", so help me God." Tony lectured quietly.

Peter turned on to his side and faced Tony.

"It's just-" Peter squeezed his eyes shut again. OW. "I don't know how helpful I'll be at something like pajamas right now."

"Pete, I wrestle a six year old into clothing everyday. A seventeen year old can't be that different." Tony chuckled softly.

Peter's blushed, even more noticeable because of how pale he was, but he didn't protest.

Tony left and went to his and Pepper's room, trying to find the softest pair of pajamas he owned. He finally settled on an old t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants.

Tony walked back to the guest room. Peter hadn't moved. Tony hoped he may have fallen asleep. No such luck, Peter's face was scrunched up in pain.

"Pete?"

Peter opened his eyes, his face scrunching up in pain.

"I got you some more comfortable clothes, but I'm gonna need you to work with me."

As it turns out, undressing and dressing a near comatose teenager was different from dressing his fully coherent six year old. The removal was the easy part, but getting Peter back into clothing, that was going to be a challenge.

Tony started with the shirt. He carefully gathered the shirt and pulled the neck over Peter's head. Then came the arms. In his defense, Peter did try his best to help, but had pretty much lost all meaningful coordination and was basically the equivalent of a rag doll. At last, Tony pulled the shirt down over Peter's stomach.

The pants. The pants were more awkward than difficult. Being up close and personal with Peter's, ahem area, was not something Tony had fully thought through. Finally, he was able to pull the pants up around Peter's waist. He pulled the comforter up around the kid, who immediately curled up into a tight ball.

"Pete?" Tony sat down on the edge of the bed.

"Mmm?"

"Can I get you anything?"

"No" Peter said softly.

"Feel better, kid. Pepper and I are right downstairs if you need us." Tony stood up, gave Peter a once over and then left the room, quietly closing the door.

Peter didn't so much sleep as just doze for the next few hours, the pain didn't get any worse, but it didn't get any better either, and he couldn't ever make it all the way to sleep. Somehow though, his body must have given up, because when Peter woke up he could see a sliver of pinkish early morning light peaking through the curtains.

The migraine was gone, or at least the headache was gone. Peter still felt gross, like he was just getting over the flu.

Peter wondered how long he'd slept, migraines always left him disoriented. He tested each of his extremities, starting at his toes. He felt and groggy, all symptoms pointing to having slept way longer than his body was used to. He sat up slowly, knowing that vertigo would probably make him sick again if he moved to quickly.

Oh no. Peter cringed. He vaguely remembered something about throwing up on Tony's shoes and, yep, he wasn't wearing his own clothing, so the memory of Tony having to dress him was real too. Peter cringed even harder, if possible and worked to tuck both of those memories into the Do Not Read filing cabinet in his brain.

With his eyes adjusting to the darkened room, Peter saw a cup of something, probably Pepper's chamomile tea sitting on the bed side table. Peter reached out, it was still warm, he smiled. Next to it, there was a piece of paper. It was a get well card from Morgan. Peter smiled warmly.

After emptying his screaming bladder and drinking Pepper's tea, Peter walked down to the workshop, where he knew Tony would be, because the thought of Tony having a normal sleep schedule was laughable.

Sure enough, Tony was looking at a wall of holograms when Peter walked in.

"Mr. Stark?" Peter called.

"Oh shi-Pete! You scared me!" Tony jumped.

"What are you working on?" Peter laughed.

"A kid I know, Harley, has a tech startup and he asked me to have a look at some of the products." Tony smiled, running his hands through his hair. "How are you?"

"I'm good actually. Still not 100% if we're being honest, but better than, how long ago was that?"

"About 30ish hours." Tony provided.

"Woah." Peter didn't think he'd been out that long. "Can I help?" He asked, suddenly itching to do something besides sleep.

"Shouldn't you be resting?" Tony asked.

"I just rested for 30 hours." Peter shot back.

"True. I guess having you here is better than out there, getting yourself hurt." Tony admitted.

"Why? Is something happening? Do they need me?" Peter asked, on high alert.

"Kid, calm down. Everything is fine. I wouldn't be here if it weren't. Now, sit down and let me show you this kid's stuff." Tony patted a chair beside him.

Peter took a breath and sat down. He had to admit, Harley's designs were pretty cool.

[inthatstateofgrace]

3 Ways to Overcome Self-Sabotage

Don’t you just love all the positive “SELF” compound words: Self-Love, Self-Confidence, Self-Awareness, Self-Esteem, Self-Acceptance, Self-Worth, Self-Care and so on. I appreciate these because of the experience I’ve had with that other self-word. Self-Sabotage.

New York Times #1 best selling author Debbie Ford writes,“Overcoming self-sabotage…is one of the most important conversations you’ll ever have with yourself. Honor it and know that it will change your life.”  The question is, are you ready to overcome self-sabotage once and for all?

Doing this one thing will change your life and grow your happy.

Living as the best person you can be means understanding that in spite of your highest intentions, each of us will sometimes sabotage ourselves. When this happens, it is important to remember that growth is not always orderly and even: Sometimes you take a couple steps back before taking three forward.

Do you have an upper limit problem? This phrase created by Gay Hendricks, author of the book, The Big Leap, discusses how we each have a lifetime of stories, habits, and fears based in self-limiting belief that hold us back in subtle and not so subtle ways.

We have a familiar internal success setting that feels comfortable. This self-regulated meter measures how we are doing towards our goals. When we are living into our highest potential there may come a point where we get uncomfortable, outside of the normal zone. This can trigger us to hold back from the fullest expression of our abilities, thereby causing us to self-sabotage.

Time in self-inquiry through meditation and yoga opens our eyes to see the mental, emotional and physical ways that hold us back. Here are 3 Ways to overcome self-sabotage:

1.  Know Your Unhealthy Habits

Only once you acknowledge the old pattern can you change that paradigm and create something more life affirming. Yoga is cognitive behavioral therapy. You get immediate feedback on where you hold tension in your body and how you speak to yourself. These patterns (samskaras) become ingrained into our psyche. The first step is awareness. Then you can do something about it. You can release unhealthy habits that no longer serve your spiritual happiness. That’s part one. Believe it or not Part 2 is harder. That’s where you know what you want for your life and you have to stand up for what your intentions are. You’ve recognized you do have an upper limit problem and can do something about it.

Gaining mastery over our destructive propensities, through the exercise of awareness and self-discipline with regard to our body, speech, and mind, frees us from the inner turmoil that naturally arises when our behavior is at odds with our ideals. In place of this turmoil come confidence, integrity, and dignity – heroic qualities all human beings naturally aspire to.” ~ The Dalai Lama

2.  Are you living as a Victim?

Letting go of the mind’s identity as victim clears the space necessary to see that we are accountable for our own happiness.

In yoga we know this as sadhana, and it means we work daily as a practice on our own inner evolution. This anti-victim evolution is where we take responsibility moment by moment for what we say, how we act, how we breath, what we think. Being accountable for one’s life takes work. Yoga’s strength lies in its ability to empower you from the inside out to accept the challenge.

Time on the mat allows you to stop identifying as a victim. You stop blaming others. You no longer require constant validation and attention, but instead take responsibility for your own happiness. Today, break the blame cycle. Stop being a victim and stop self-sabotage.

3.  Change Your Self-Talk

If you change the way you talk to yourself, your perspective will change, and you will transform your life.

Allowing critical talk to sabotage you is a deadly pattern. In the Yoga Sutras 1.30, Pantanjali outlines self-doubt (samsaya) as one of nine obstacles to our happiness. It is fed by negative self-talk and thrives on self-sabotage. On the mat—pose by pose—we get stronger and begin to believe we are capable in new ways. This confidence travels with us off the mat. We drop negative reactions and respond to life’s challenges with more positivity. It takes practice to achieve this, which is why we come back to the mat—and also why we call it yoga practice.

Today, embrace the positive self-words in your life. Say to yourself for five minutes of breathing or for the duration of an entire yoga class the positive self-word you need the most in your life right now. Repeating the mantra strengthens its energy and that conversation with yourself gets louder until you are living your best life ever, no holding back.

Love yourself, love your day, love your life! Silvia

—————–

Editor’s note:  This is a guest post by Silvia Mordini, CEO, Transformation Leader, and Author. With contagious enthusiasm Silvia encourages everyone she meets to love their life! Her expert passion connects people to their own joyful potential. She has been teaching happiness, global awareness, & mindfulness for 20 years. Silvia, born in Ecuador, proud of her Italian heritage and raised as a world traveler, is a well-loved internationally recognized Motivational Speaker, Love Alchemist, and Mindfulness Teacher at conferences worldwide. Her classes holistically integrate various styles of yoga, primarily Vinyasa, Kundalini, and Anusara. You can’t help but leave her workshops, RYT200 Alchemy of Yoga teacher trainings & Alchemy Tours retreats spiritually uplifted!

Before becoming a serial Entrepreneur, Silvia had a thirteen-year Human Resource career including as Director for an international Fortune 100 professional services company. She founded and owned Total Body Yoga Studio with over 9,000 clients for ten years. In young adulthood she was run over by a car—a life changing accident that led her to discover the “Alchemy” of Yoga and Meditation to heal and transcend. She is the Founder of the fifteen year old world renowned Alchemy of Yoga Teacher Training School with over 29 graduating classes of Alchemist Alumni. In 2009 she founded Alchemy Tours, an International Retreat company specializing in Personal Development. With over 12,000 hours of yoga teaching experience she makes yoga approachable, fun, and inspiring for everyone. She has been inspiring happiness, global awareness, and joyful living in students for more than fifteen years.

Tune into her motivational “Loving Your Day” Podcast. Read her popular blog “Happiness Prescriptions”, and learn to love yourself, love your day, love your life along with enjoying her “Loving Your Day” YouTube channel.

She has written hundreds of lifestyle, travel & wellness articles for publications such as MindBodyGreen (USA), Elephant Journal, DOYOU (Hong Kong), Wanderlust (USA), Mantra Wellness Magazine, Gaia, Yogi Times, Daily Cup of Yoga (USA), and is a wellness expert as seen in HuffPost and Medium.

Most importantly through personal experience she knows it’s possible to transform your trauma to dharma and transmute your drama to dreams.

You can reach her by email at silvia@silviamordini.com

Inspired Yoga, Love, and Travel for a LIFE Inspired Personal: https://www.silviamordini.com/  Twitter/Instagram @inspiredyogagal Yoga: https://alchemyofyoga.com              Twitter/Instagram @alchemyofyoga Travel  https://alchemytours.com               Twitter/Instagram @alchemytours Love: http://lovingyourday.com              Twitter/Instagram  @lovingyourday

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[everqueen12]

landmines on the battlefield, find the one safe way and stay alive

Lup is late getting home from work one day. Barry does not handle this well. 

Read on Ao3

It’s stupid really. Lup’s had her body back for a while now.

She hasn’t been gone without him for longer than the odd girls’ weekend with Lucretia and some of the ladies from the Bureau, and even then they checked in by stone every morning and night. It shouldn’t matter that she’s late getting back tonight. She just had to finish some paperwork at the office. They both have interplaner teleportation abilities. She’s the most powerful person Barry knows. She’s fine.

None of this stops him from wearing a familiar path in the carpet in their living room, pacing between the kitchen, the front door, the couch, and back again. He nervously summons and de-summons his scythe, nearly slicing through the counter as he does. He fiddles with his stone with the hand not summoning or banishing the scythe, flipping through contacts. He hovers over Taako’s and Kravitz’s frequencies, and the indecipherable pulsating rune that indicates his goddess. Not many people can claim to have a deity on speed dial, but then, not many people are Barry J Bluejeans. He finds little comfort in any of these facts tonight. He’s just about decided to cut through to the office when there’s a ripping sound in the kitchen. He hurries in to find his wife stepping out of a portal; ears and shoulders slumped in exhaustion. She perks up when he comes into the kitchen, face lighting up with a grin. “Hey babe,” she says as he hugs her. “Uhhh, Bear?” He feels her ears drift downwards at the tightness of his hug and tries, unsuccessfully, to hide his relief. “Hi, Lup,” he says, aiming for casual and missing by a country mile. “Babe,” she says, holding him at arm’s length, inspecting him closely. He tries not to wince. She’s able to read him like a book; always has been. (Those 40-some years of mutual pining notwithstanding.) “I’m just happy you’re back,” he tries to explain, attempting to head off whatever conversation this is going to be. She frowns at that. “That’s not everything, is it? I’m sorry I’m late; Bird Momma wanted a full rundown of that cult we took down the other day.” “Yeah, sure, okay,” Barry says, speaking too quickly like he always does when he’s nervous. “Yeah, no problem.” She narrows her eyes. “It is a problem.” “What, no, Lup--” She narrows her eyes further, somehow, and Barry considers again how much he loves this elf. (Even if there are other, unfair emotions bubbling up tonight. Hold on to the love, and don’t let go. That’s what gets you through. If it got him through becoming a lich, it should be enough to get him through this.) “Hot chocolate,” she says decisively. “You look like we need to talk.”

“It’s fine, you’re tired, we can just, I dunno, go to bed?” he tries.

She shakes her head. “Nope. C’mon, nerd. Start shaving the chocolate.”

She and Taako have an ongoing beef vis a vis the proper way to prep the chocolate for from-scratch hot chocolate. Lup’s in the shaving camp, while Taako prefers a fine dice.It’s an argument older than their time in the IPRE.            He considers getting her started on it, a safer topic, but another glance at his wife as she moves around the kitchen, graceful even in her exhaustion, convinces him otherwise.

Lup burns brighter than anyone he’s ever known, and he means that metaphorically as well as physically. She’ll see through that as a distraction in a second, and that would worry her more.

(“Like she’s worried you, since you came to this plane?” a traitorous voice whispers in the back of his mind. “Like she’s still doing, even when you have her back again? Doyou have her back again?” Barry is very good at ignoring this voice.)

They make the hot chocolate (or rather, Lup does while Barry hands her ingredients) in a silence more strained than comfortable. “Spill,” she orders, hopping up on the counter and handing him his mug.

Barry’s palms are sweating, and he almost drops it.

“Not literally, ya dingus.”

“S-sorry, heh,” he says, placing the mug safely on the counter.

“Barry, we’ve been married for over 50 years,” Lup says, with that gentleness that still sometimes surprises him even after loving her for over a century. “Whatever it is, you can tell me.”

(“She didn’t tell you,” that voice whispers. “She just left a note. She wouldn’t even say it to your face.”)

Stalling, he gulps at his burning hot chocolate, eyes watering as the fiery liquid hits his throat.

“Babe,” Lup says. “I will drag Merle out of bed at 3am to cast Zone of Truth.”

He knows she would. “It’s nothing, really,” he says, rubbing at the back of his neck and looking everywhere but into Lup’s eyes. “You were just late, a bit, ya know, and I was, ya know, worried.”

She watches him, eyes sharper than her scythe. “Barry, babe, please, just talk to me.”He’s reminded of her brother, so many years ago, providing unexpectedly kind advice while they floated in the waters of the most peaceful world they ever visited. Despite the pain, the sacrifices, the decade plus difference between the twins, they’re still so alike.

“You’re distracting yourself,” Lup observes, cutting through his inner monologue, which has become more of a inner desperate ramble at this point. “I can see the paths in the carpet, Bear, And there are nicks in the counter that weren’t there this morning. Were you summoning your scythe?”

Unexpectedly, he finds himself getting frustrated. “You were just late, that’s all,” he says, barely keeping it from a snap.

“I know,” she says, and her voice is infuriatingly soft. Placating. “I am sorry. I should have called.”

He opens his mouth to let out the traitorous voice, for once, but closes it again. Too late. Those sharp eyes miss nothing.

“Barry, what is it?” she presses, hopping down off the table, hot chocolate set aside and forgotten.

And the voice wins.“I didn’t know if you were coming back!” he spits, and usually Barry doesn’t do angry. Tired, yeah, and frustrated, sure, but not this, this sick hurt-angry-scared-guilty mix he’s been steadily pushing away in the hopes it will just all stop. They should be gone, these feelings. Lup’s back, she’s here, she’s safe. They have their family together again, they have a purpose that isn’t just running away, they’re safe, so why won’t they just go away? He doesn’t realize he’s said any of this out loud until Lup’s hands land on his arms. She’s staring at him now, and he avoids her eyes again, trying to blink away the angry tears.

“Tell me,” she says, soft, and he snaps again.

“You were gone, Lup, for so long, and you didn’t come back and you didn’t even trust me enough to tell me what your plan was, and that note,” he doesn’t even recognize the laugh that comes out of him then, bitter and ugly. “That godsdamned note made everything so much worse. And every time, Lup, every time you leave, I can’t shake the feeling that you’re not coming back! That I’m going to walk into the kitchen and find another note and never see you again!”

Lup’s ears are down around her shoulders now (she hasn’t bothered controlling them around him in decades) as she steps back from him. The guilty part of the mix surges upward, crying at him for making his love feel this way. Lup rarely cries, but he thinks he sees a shimmer of tears in her eyes, and that makes him feel so much worse.

“I know I hurt you,” she says carefully. “You and Taako both. And I’m so, so sorry for that. I don’t think I’ll ever stop being sorry for it. But--” she catches his eyes with hers, pins his gaze. “I couldn’t take it anymore. I couldn’t stand by and watch our creations, my creation, destroy the world anymore. I couldn’t do it!”

“You sound like Lucretia,” he says bitterly.

“Yeah, well,” she puts her hands on her hips. Even angry, in pain, guilty, Lup doesn’t make herself small. (Certainly not after the umbrastaff.) “Maybe Creesh had a point.”

“She took you away from me!”

“No, babe,” Lup says, and he sees that fire in her, watches her forcefully tuck it away; she won’t use it for this. “She didn’t take me away from you. I did. I mean, babe, who even knows?” she huffs a laugh, a small, sad thing. “If I hadn’t left, she might never have done what she did, or at least, not in the same way.”

“No, Lup,” Barry says, hating the way his voice shakes. “You left me alone. She took you away.”

“I never meant to be gone for so long!” Lup says, ears pulling back. “And I’m sorry! I’m so sorry, Barry! I don’t know what to do to fix this!”

“Yeah, well,” he mutters, looking down and kicking at the floor. All of a sudden he’s drained. “Maybe it can’t be fixed. Maybe we can’t be fixed.”

“Barry,” and now Lup sounds scared, and nope, looks like he has enough energy for more guilt after all. “Are we… are we gonna be okay?”

“I don’t know, Lup,” he says, finally meeting her eyes. To his horror, she’s crying too, the tears steaming when they spill and meet her always-burning skin.

Hesitantly, he opens his arms, and she watches him carefully for a moment before reaching for him, desperately. They embrace, arms locked tight, and end up on the floor clutching at each other. He feels her tears soaking into his shirt and knows she feels the same thing, but neither of them let go. And they keep not letting go. None of this could be fixed tonight, Barry knows. But they have love, and all the time they need. He holds on tight and prays it will be enough.

[blondrichclosetwitch]

This morning this lorde song started to play. I looked at Stella’s picture. I already knew what the lyrics would be.

What? I said. I listed off everyone’s names, but she didn’t respond. And then I said “the tapes”. BAM. She told me to go back to 2016. She stopped when I got to this one, which is almost an hour. I kinda complained, but she was like, don’t give me lip. I know what I’m doing.

On one of our phone sessions, the TR suggested I do a cut and clear. with the exception of pulling tarot cards and lighting pink candles that ended in a hotel fire that left me traumatized, I had never done magic. Ever. She sent me the spell, and I did it to the best of my ability(Btw, devil in a new dress just started to play).

You got green on your mind, I can see it in your eyes.

The gina that I refer to is the spirit guide the TR told me about.

Dec 21, 2016 6 a.m.

Random

(sighs.)

Random is that you?

Hi. hi.

Happy solstice.

Um, i am verifying it is you…..?

Yeah, ok, your energy feels a little different today.

The cut and clear is underway, do you feel like it was strong and i did it.100%right, i did it correct?

I did it really well, right?

….

Um

Ok

Um you feel the hard part for me is going tobe the silence?

Yeah..do my best. You will have to keep me busy, i’ll stay busy with work, i’ll go for walks, i’ll go explore...yawns...ill get lots of sleep hopefully, take care of my body...maybe we can work on developing my grounding and healing..and i can go back to him january 9th...thank you for that gift yesterday, i really needed it…..

I really really did. Im gonna have to cheat a little….but you’ll know when, and you’ll tell me when you can...and you’ll tell me when i can’t. (laughs)

I know. And stella wll help me. Do you think that i should have L. do a shamanic journey about blond?

No. i should take the focus off of her completely. Ok, ok, got it. The cut and clear will do the work. Ok.

Ai-yi. Fuck.

I got it.

So can i just ask a question?

In the spell that she did was basically the spell so he could never get me pregnant ever again?

…..

Yeah i guess that makes sense. That makes sense. That’s what the spell was, wasn’t it.

That makes sense.

I get it. Of course, so that’s why my cervix was weakened. Ok. yup. Holy shit. Uh huh.

Wow. okay.

Do you think that she’s still gonna kill herself?

………………………………………………………………………

Yes?

Doyou think that...is physical harm going to come to him in the three weeks that we’re apart?

……………………………………..

Can’t i be there for him?

No.

But i can be there, but we can be together starting on the 9th?

Ok. alright. Please protect him. Please. I know you will.

Ok.

Ok. three weeks. Wow.

Thank you for guiding me in that last night.

So we have work to do for the next while

Im also going to be working with other spirits too , you know? To strengthen other parts. We can factor time in, i’ll try to do almost every day...and i should take a quick nap.

I need to get back to the play.

I know.

………………………

I know i know i know i know. Jamieson believes me now right? I think she does.

I thought so.

Did hearing the tape help her?

You’re saying something. I can’t tell. Maybe i should get more sleep. Should i? Ok, let’s do that.

I mean, random?

Don’t you think that in a way jakk is communicating with me more than he ever has?

Even though it’s like, even though it’s only through the pendulum, i’m telling him that i know what’s going on…………..i’ve been telling him this whole year.

If you listen to these phone calls, you know. Every single phone call is about trying to get him to face the truth. I mean, you’ve heard them all. You were watching. But now...ever since last week...when i said that i knew he was in an abusive relationship..and tht’s why..when i called, when i said in front of, when i texted him to tell blond that i knew what she did, about the accident, and that was it, right? She did a spell so that she could never get me pregnant ever again, that’s what it was. That’s what it had to be. God.

of course, of course. Oh my god, oh my god..it wasn’t that she did a spell that i’d get hit by a car, it’s that she did a spell that he’d never get me pregnant ever again, and the car hit me.

(Crying hard)

That’s what it was. Of course. Do i have to do anything beyond the cut and clear to be protected now?

Like, is the cut and clear going to protect me?

Will it remove….will it protect me from her?

Will it protect jakk from her?

I don’t believe she did that, i don’t believe she did that, oh god.

I’m so mad that my father isn’t here. I’m so mad that i can’t talk to him about this.

I can go three weeks, i can do it..fuck her, oh she makes me so mad.

………………………………………………………………………

(cries for a long, long, long time)

Stella stella stella stella stella, come, stella come, stella come, stella come. Stella stella stella stella stella stella stella

Stella i need your help with this one, this one’s too big for me, this one’s too big, i need you i need you i need you, please be awake please be awake, random please go wake her up. I need her, i need her, i can’t do this one, i need her. I need stella for this.

(cries)

Stella?

Stella?

Stella?

Stella, stella, stella? Stella.

I just realized…..that blond did that spell so that jakk couldn’t ever make me pregnant again..

(crying becomes loud)because she was so hateful and resentful...even though i gave the baby up (hysterical) even though she got him to make me give it up it wasn’t enough, you know? Itwasn’t enough, you know she screamed enough to make it happen and it wasn’t enough of a sacrifice, she had to go and like, concoct a spell and work in dark magic with the devil so that i would be hit by a car, so that my body would be ruined, so that i could never have a baby. you know?

And this whole time, i didn’t know that.

And it’s just hitting me now. You know?

That like it’s not even that she did a spell that i would get hit by a car, that that would happen to me, it was that he never ever again would be able to get me pregnant. That she hates me that much ……………………………………………...stella….stella...this is like a woman that i have been trying to help. (she laughs.)

A woman that even as recently this summer i still loved. That i still asked about, because i cared about. I used to ask the tarot reader how she was doing. But this whole time the whole truth was she just hated me. She hated me. She wanted harm to come to me. She was like, i thought….i didn’t realize. I didn’t realize this whole time. And you know last night, i did a cord cutting for me and Jakk and the night before ...i did this cut and clear and random walked me through it..that’s why i haven’t been available. And i had to do all this work on her, and separating me and jakk from her, and getting all the evil out of her because she’s really consumed with it.

You probably know that, you’ve probably seen a lot. But oh my god………..it’s...she’s as consumed with the devil as i think_________ is. It’s just i feel so….sad, i feel my heart….she stole my baby...my baby is gone, my child...i will never get my child back. I’ll never meet lula. I’ll never meet her. I’ll never see her.

I’ll never see her.

(cries)

Because i wasn’t strong. I wasn’t strong.

(sobbing) stella……...i wasn’t strong stella, i wasn’t. I was so broken when i came to new york. I was so broken. I was.

I was so broken. And i’m so sorry, i’m so sorry.

I’ll never get her back. I’ll never get her back. And people say i have to find some way to forgive this, but i just don’t...i don’’t see it. I don’t see it. I don’t. I don’t.

I don’t see it.

I don’t see it.

You know?

Sorry, i had to get this out. It’s solstice, you know. (laughs)

I need you more than ever. You’re my twin flame. You’re like jakk, you’re my everything, you’re my other half. I miss you so much. Thank you for this. I had to get this out.

And now I’m letting you know

And now I’m letting you know

And now I’m letting you know

And now I’m letting you know