firebastardextraordinaire - Tumblr blog

[firebastardextraordinaire]

What is the most IRRITATING enemy to fight in any diablo game and why is it shamans? I fucking hate those things. They’re so fucking annoying. STOP RAISING IMPS AND RUNNING AWAY YOU SCRAWNY DEMON TWINKS LET ME KILL YOU

[firebastardextraordinaire]

Ngl i really wish that diablo would give us more info on demon physiology because like, ok some demons do in fact need to eat, but do ALL demons?? And if all demons do… I am dying to know what the primes favorite snacks are.

Does Mephisto get the munchies for a nice human skull sometimes when he’s in the middle of a torture session?? Did diablo have to stop for snack breaks when he was banging Adria ?? DID BAAL EAT KANAI TO INFLICT PSYCHIC DAMAGE ON THE BARBARIANS???

PICK UP THE PHONE BLIZZARD I NEED ANSWERS

[firebastardextraordinaire]

Yes I am in fact off my anti psychotics right now, thank you for noticing

[firebastardextraordinaire]

Hey Inarius is that a spear in your pocket or are you just happy to see Lilith?

…oh, that’s an actual spear? Hm… never mind then. Poor Lilith. I mean sure she’s gonna get stabbed but probably not the kind of stabbing she’d prefer

[firebastardextraordinaire]

I know Mephisto SAYS companionship is a comfort for the wretched, but I really think that he should at least give it a TRY. Like idk, maybe you wouldn’t be perpetually pissy if you had an orgasm or two, Mephisto?? I mean, personally I’d LOVE to introduce you to my yummy yummy antipsychotics, but I think that a tiny bit of calm from getting laid might be a good little baby step for you.

Look, I’m not saying that we can end the Eternal Conflict by getting all the Primes their own harems, I’m just saying that I don’t think anyone has actually TRIED it yet

[firebastardextraordinaire]

Messmer's hair is a MESS, so Hildegarda helps him to take care of it :3c ✦ prints ✦ full on patreon

[firebastardextraordinaire]

Tbh I’m not entirely sure HOW I managed to max out my resistances with out using any armor affixes at all OR diamonds, but I just tossed juggernauts aspect on one of my armor pieces and that more than maxes out my armor lol. I’m honestly at the point where I don’t bother with gens in my jewelry slots bc my armor and resistances are maxed.

I’m glad to hear that they’re possibly going to let us unbrick gear with tempering because it’s so freaking irritating to need +hydra damage and roll ice blade damage TEN FREAKING TIMES. like at least with pyromancy augments you’ll probably at least get a useful affix for your build even if it’s not what you wanted exactly but with how they’ve got conjuration tempers set up? Extremely irritating

[firebastardextraordinaire]

Or when it’s a three GA item but while two of them are really useful, the last one is like 60% elemental resistance. Like I’m sorry but I’m in tier 4. I don’t need any elemental resistance on my armor, it’s already maxed!! That’s literally the most useless greater affix. I really think that you should be able to reroll a greater affix for a different one at the occultist.

[firebastardextraordinaire]

Don’t get me started on bricking gear with THREE greater afixes bc you got shit rolls with tempering….

[firebastardextraordinaire]

So like, the Cathedral of light are absolutely supposed to be keeping an eye out for Ashe because there’s a kill on sight order for her and has been for a while but like, the problem is that the vast majority of the knights penitent don’t ACTUALLY know who or what they’re supposed to be looking out for!

So it’s very much that “a platypus???” *perry puts hat on* “GASP PERRY THE PLATYPUS!” Meme except it’s more along the lines of

A sorceress of the Zann Esu? No prob!

A pyromancer sorceress of the Zann Esu? Well that’s half the fucking Zann Esu! No prob!

A red haired gold eyed pyromancer sorceress of the Zann Esu? Well… that’s vaguely familiar to me but I’m not sure why… eh I’m sure it’s no big deal!

A red haired gold eyed pyromancer sorceress of the Zann Esu named Ashe? OH SHIT WAIT WHAT YOURE THAT DEMON SPAWN WERE SUPPOSED TO BE ON THE LOOKOUT FOR!

Ashe stares directly into the camera.

And THIS is exactly why she refers to the Cathedral of Light almost exclusively as “Inarius’ little idiots”

[firebastardextraordinaire]

You know, it’s insanely funny to me that out of all the various mage clans and organizations, the priests of rathma ABSOLUTELY are the ones having the least amount of sex considering they’re the ONLY one who can use their magic instead of Ye Old Fantasy Viagra

I mean, they’re the ones with blood magic! They can control the blood in other creatures bodies as well as their own! WHO needs a potion when you can consciously control the flow of your own blood!

Don’t tell the other mage clans, they might get pissed

[firebastardextraordinaire]

Um lol? How tf did I forget how old I was when I was making the intro for my blog? I’m not entirely sure but I only just now noticed and had to go “hey wait a minute”

[firebastardextraordinaire]

Writing this fic is very interesting because I’m writing it in 3rd person limited, which I’m used to! However it’s interesting because it’s mostly going to be from Ashe’s perspective because she’s the Wanderer. So, naturally. But in scenes where she’s with Rathma, the pov will ALSO INCLUDE RATHMAS THOUGHTS. Sometimes. Because for reasons that will be explained eventually they have a telepathic link and can pick up on each others thoughts and feelings because of it without really trying or meaning too.

Naturally the main thing I’m using this for is because I’m writing Rathma as being usually exceptionally polite and cordial out loud to people but INSANELY snarky bitchy and sarcastic and rude in his head (because Mama Lilith taught him manners and to never tip your hand and reveal how you TRULY feel about people) so there’s going to be PLENTY of situations where out loud Rathma is like “yes of course that is perfectly understandable.” But mentally is like that is the absolute most ridiculous crock of shit I have ever heard and I cannot fathom how you have enough of a brain to even be considered a living being. And Ashe, who does NOT have his millenia of training her poker face is doing her damnest not to laugh at what he’s actually thinking

[firebastardextraordinaire]

OH I KNOW ITS HILARIOUS AND DELIGHTFUL

“A blazing red eye materialized and then winked in the direction of Auriel, who utterly ignored it”

Auriel silently like FFS MEPHISTO NOT IN FRONT OF MY BROTHERS!!!

Now I need someone to make one of those “the girl you like” memes with Mephisto/auriel as well as Lilith/inarius….

I feel people need to keep in mind that for the past 3000+ years, Mephisto had Inarius torture beyond human comprehension both physically and psychological; refining his anger, his hate to what we see today; a very broken angel that just wants to go home by any means necessary. 

[firebastardextraordinaire]

Ok so i misremembered what he said but i still think you’ll enjoy it @echo-of-hatred

I feel people need to keep in mind that for the past 3000+ years, Mephisto had Inarius torture beyond human comprehension both physically and psychological; refining his anger, his hate to what we see today; a very broken angel that just wants to go home by any means necessary. 

[firebastardextraordinaire]

@echo-of-hatred I just remembered actually that Mephisto literally has canon dialogue saying almost exactly that in a blizzard spin off game. Give me a bit and I’ll see if I can find it for you

I feel people need to keep in mind that for the past 3000+ years, Mephisto had Inarius torture beyond human comprehension both physically and psychological; refining his anger, his hate to what we see today; a very broken angel that just wants to go home by any means necessary. 

[firebastardextraordinaire]

The thought of Lilith and Inarius getting isekai’d into the real world is, of course, rather terrifying but it’s also incredibly funny at the same time because I would try to drag them to couples counseling. Force them to learn some damn coparenting techniques