#down with the constant urge to create for the sake of “feeling” “productive”!

[wisteriagoesvroom]

1. maxoscar - cupboard

Maxoscar? You said Maxoscar?

so it's a spin the bottle game and they end up stuck in a closet together. but really it's about looking up to someone and realising that actually-- that someone is looking right back.

lil snip:

Max follows the cue, eyes darting down to Oscar’s tongue, as Oscar expects him to. Max opens his mouth in surprise. Oscar’s grip stays calm and still on Max’s hoodie. His hypothesis was correct. All Oscar needed to do was press on, and Max would have gone all the way. Because Max has always been ahead of everyone. He is the one there, waiting.

(loveliest loveliest landoom it is the same one that i've been yapping nonstop about for ages 🙈 snip 1, snip 2 ! this should be pretty much done within the next couple of weeks tho. F I N A L L Y.)

from

[makingspiritualityreal]

Moon Ruled Nakshatras - Consequences of Attention Seeking

A trope very commonly seen in many creations, executed with various contexts and endings, in which the protagonist has his big 3 in Moon Ruled Nakshatras (Rohini, Hasta, Shravana), is the consequence of the Moon ruled Nakshatras following the stage of the Sun.

The Sun is self sufficient and self focused, so full of themselves their light even spills outside. However, in everyone's horoscope, the Sun burns out over time. By the time we reach the Moon Nakshatra stage, we mature to realise that we need, and are attached to other people in our lives, and we won't survive if we don't adapt and don't form relationships.

This brings up the topic of paying attention to people's feelings, that we only discover in the Moon stage. In the Sun stage, as we are learning independence, we don't bother with that and we can come off as insensitive and self centered. The Sun is also an intelligent, logical planet, capable of providing solutions for both oneself and the others. However, by the Moon stage our shine wears off, and we begin to need other people. At the beginning, we try to catch their attention with rational means, but over time human behaviors become increasingly irrational and instinctive, the more desperate we are to get what we need and assert our position. These situations develop differently depending on the Nakshatra, but they always invariably end up the same way.

The Moon Native gets caught in their wrongdoings and suffers consequences for it, being taught a harsh lesson about including the other person's point of view, developing a capacity to empathise and bond through forced circumstances. However, that actually gives the Moon native happiness, as it provides them with what they unconsciously craved all along - stable connection.

In Vedic Astrology, the Moon as a planet is called "lovesick". It has no enemies, because the one quality of the Moon is its constant desire for attention and stimulation. ANY attention will do. Moon is where the saying "negative attention is still attention" originated. The one desire the Moon has is to be constantly surrounded by love and presence. And it will go to any lengths to fulfill that desire, irrationally, and will always, inevitably pay the price for it.

The antidote for a Moon native is either having very secure connections or tapping into their intuitive, psychic abilities.

Below, I will give a brief description of how this process unfolds for each Nakshatra, and give fiction examples.

Rohini Nakshatra - For movie examples, I recommend the Rohini video created by The Hidden Octave on Youtube. There are two paths for these natives. One is obsessive flirting, pathologically seeking attention of multiple romantic and sexual partners, for the sake of feeling constantly adored, but not taking anyone's feelings seriously, which leads to generation of resentment from many people. In anger, these people retaliate on the native, causing their downfall. The productive path here is working with pets or releasing one's urges through creativity or really surrendering to romance, even if just through art or fiction. Introducing more sensuality into already existing relationships can also help.

Hasta Nakshatra - The desire for attention here mostly leads to a tendency towards financial fraud, where tempting people with financial mistakes is yet another call for help. Huge sums of money are in fact a compensation for a desire for true family connections. Still, irresponsible criminal financial activities are always met with a sticky end in this Nakshatra, at the hands of governmental powers. Hasta Lagna Leonardo DiCaprio in "Catch me if you Can" plays a youth turned into a hardened criminal, after he escapes home, heartbroken at the onset of his parents' divorce. He retains a very childish behavior while committing financial fraud crimes, almost as a tantrum, and ultimately calms down when finding a boss and a surrogate father in an FBI agent played by Pushya, avatar of Brihaspati, Tom Hanks. At the same time, crime and cheating is replaced with offering society a useful skill. The real desire here is for an exchange, socialising. It’s a less romantic, more “friendly” expression than Rohini, but equally desirous of connection.

Shravana Nakshatra - I recommend watching the recent Nina Dobrev flick, Shravana Moon "Sick Girl" for this one. It's about a girl who fakes having cancer to draw attention of her close friends and loved ones back to herself. This is the highest expression of the Moon, where the native seeks out attention from groups/media/through faking an illness or through provoking very serious, life threatening situations. Same behavior for Rosamund Pike, Shravana Sun in "Gone Girl", she commits murder and fakes death and victimises herself to feel loved by her husband and parents again. Amanda Bynes in "She's the Man" goes to drastic measures and poses as her brother to get everyone's attention to her misery of having her life career denied. The desire for collective, mass attention here can lead to fame if channeled towards public service, and if one's contribution is genuine. The real desire here is to be part of a close knitted group or fit into some comfortable place in the world, and find oneself surrounded by a group of close ones on a permanent, regular basis.

[linastudyblrsblog]

Burnout, unfortunately, is everywhere. If you haven’t experienced it personally, you probably know someone who has self-diagnosed.

 Defined by the World Health Organization as a syndrome “conceptualized as resulted from chronic workplace stress,” it causes exhaustion, “feelings of negativism or cynicism,” and reduced efficacy. That’s a big umbrella, and the condition has become something of a catch-all for chronic, modern-day stress. 

Here are 11 of our favorites to help you create your own escape plan:

1. Figure out which kind of burnout you have.

The Association for Psychological Science found that burnout comes in three different types, and each one needs a different solution:

1. Overload: The frenetic employee who works toward success until exhaustion, is most closely related to emotional venting. These individuals might try to cope with their stress by complaining about the organizational hierarchy at work, feeling as though it imposes limits on their goals and ambitions. That coping strategy, unsurprisingly, seems to lead to a stress overload and a tendency to throw in the towel.

2. Lack of Development: Most closely associated with an avoidance coping strategy. These under-challenged workers tend to manage stress by distancing themselves from work, a strategy that leads to depersonalization and cynicism — a harbinger for burning out and packing up shop.

3. Neglect: Seems to stem from a coping strategy based on giving up in the face of stress. Even though these individuals want to achieve a certain goal, they lack the motivation to plow through barriers to get to it

2. Cut down and start saying “no.”

Every “yes” you say adds another thing on your plate and takes more energy away from you, and your creativity:

If you take on too many commitments, start saying ‘no’. If you have too many ideas, execute a few and put the rest in a folder labeled ‘backburner’. If you suffer from information overload, start blocking off downtime or focused worktime in your schedule (here are some tools that may help). Answer email at set times. Switch your phone off, or even leave it behind. The world won’t end. I promise.

3.  Give up on getting motivated.

With real burnout mode, you’re too exhausted to stay positive. So don’t:

When you’re mired in negative emotions about work, resist the urge to try to stamp them out. Instead, get a little distance — step away from your desk, focus on your breath for a few seconds — and then just feel the negativity, without trying to banish it. Then take action alongside the emotion. Usually, the negative feelings will soon dissipate. Even if they don’t, you’ll be a step closer to a meaningful achievement.

4.  Treat the disease, not the symptoms. 

For real recovery and prevention to happen, you need to find the real, deeper issue behind why you’re burnt out:

Instead of overreacting to the blip, step back from it, see it as an incident instead of an indictment, and then examine it like Sherlock Holmes looking for clues.

For example, you could ask yourself: What happened before the slip? Did I encounter a specific trigger event such as a last-minute client request? Was there an unusual circumstance such as sickness? When did I first notice the reversion in my behavior? Is some part of this routine unsustainable and if so, how could I adjust it to make it more realistic?

5.  Make downtime a daily ritual.

To help relieve pressure, schedule daily blocks of downtime to refuel your brain and well-being. It can be anything from meditation to a nap, a walk, or simply turning off the wifi for a while:

When it comes to scheduling, we will need to allocate blocks of time for deep thinking. Maybe you will carve out a 1-2 hour block on your calendar every day for taking a walk or grabbing a cup of coffee and just pondering some of those bigger things. I can even imagine a day when homes and apartments have a special switch that shuts down wi-fi and data access during dinner or at night – just to provide a temporary pause from the constant flow of status updates and other communications…

There is no better mental escape from our tech-charged world than the act of meditation. If only for 15 minutes, the ability to steer your mind away from constant stimulation is downright liberating. There are various kinds of meditation. Some forms require you to think about nothing and completely clear your mind. (This is quite hard, at least for me.) Other forms of meditation are about focusing on one specific thing – often your breath, or a mantra that you repeat in your head (or out loud) for 10-15 minutes…

If you can’t adopt meditation, you might also try clearing your mind the old fashioned way – by sleeping. The legendary energy expert and bestselling author Tony Schwartz takes a 20-minute nap every day. Even if it’s a few hours before he presents to a packed audience, he’ll take a short nap.

6.  Stop being a perfectionist; start satisficing.

Trying to maximize every task and squeeze every drop of productivity out of your creative work is a recipe for exhaustion and procrastination. Set yourself boundaries for acceptable work and stick to them:

Consistently sacrificing your health, your well being, your relationships, and your sanity for the sake of living up to impossible standards will lead to some dangerous behaviors and, ironically, a great deal of procrastination. Instead of saying, “I’ll stay up until this is done,” say, “I’ll work until X time and then I’m stopping. I may end up needing to ask for an extension or complete less than perfect work. But that’s OK. I’m worth it.” Making sleep, exercise, and downtime a regular part of your life plays an essential role in a lasting, productive creative career.

7.  Track your progress every day.

Keeping track allows you to see exactly how much is on your plate, not only day-to-day, but consistently over time:

Disappointing feedback can be painful at first – research shows that failure and losses can hurt twice as much as the pleasure of equivalent gains. But if you discover you’re off course, reliable feedback shows you by how much, and you then have the opportunity to take remedial action and to plot a new training regime or writing schedule. The temporary pain of negative feedback is nothing compared with the crushing experience of project failure. Better to discover that you’re behind and need to start writing an hour earlier each day, than to have your book contract rescinded further down the line because you’ve failed to deliver.

8.  Change location often.

Entrepreneurs or freelancers can be especially prone to burnout. Joel Runyon plays “workstation popcorn,” in which he groups tasks by location and then switches, in order to keep work manageable, provide himself frequent breaks, and spend his time efficiently:

You find yourself spending hours at your computer, dutifully “working” but getting very little done. You finish each day with the dreaded feeling that you’re behind, and that you’re only falling farther and farther behind. You’re buried below an ever-growing to-do list. There’s a feeling of dread that tomorrow is coming, and that it’s bringing with it even more work that you probably won’t be able to get ahead on.

List out everything you need to do today. Try to be as specific as you can…Next, break that list into three sections. Step 1: Go to cafe [or desk, a different table in your office, etc.] #1. Step 2: Start working on item group #1…Once you finish all the tasks in group #1, get up and move. Close your tabs, pack your bags, and physically move your butt to your next spot. If you can, walk or bike to your next stop…When you get to the next cafe [or spot], start on the next action item group, and repeat…

When you’ve completed everything on your to-do list for the day, you are done working. Relax, kick back, and live your life. Don’t take work home with you because that won’t help you get more done – it will just wear you out.

9.  Don’t overload what downtime you do get.

Vacations themselves can cause, or worsen burnout, with high-stress situations, expectations, and sleep interruption. Use it to help in recovery from burnout instead: 

Make a flexible itinerary a priority. [A] study from Radboud University found that effective vacations give you the choice and freedom to choose what you want to do. That means two things: Try to avoid structuring your vacation around an unbreakable schedule, and plan on going somewhere that has multiple options to pick from depending on the weather, your level of energy, or your budget.

10. Write yourself fan mail.

Seth Godin uses self-fan mail as a way to keep motivated instead of burning out on a project that seems far from completion:

I define non-clinical anxiety as, “experiencing failure in advance.” If you’re busy enacting a future that hasn’t happened yet, and amplifying the worst possible outcomes, it’s no wonder it’s difficult to ship that work. With disappointment, I note that our culture doesn’t have an easily found word for the opposite. For experiencing success in advance. For visualizing the best possible outcomes before they happen. Will your book get a great testimonial? Write it out. Will your talk move someone in the audience to change and to let you know about it? What did they say? Will this new product gain shelf space at the local market? Take a picture. Writing yourself fan mail in advance, and picturing the change you’ve announced you’re trying, to make is an effective way to push yourself to build something that actually generates that action.

  11. Break projects into bite-sized pieces.

Taking a task on in one entire lump can be exhausting and provide little room for rest in between. Breaking up your projects into set chunks with their own deadlines provides a much healthier, and easier, way of completing a large project:

The default take on deadlines is typically to consider them to be cumbersome and stressful. Yet, from another perspective, a deadline can be viewed as a huge benefit to any project. Without the urgency of a hard deadline pushing a project to completion, it’s easy for you, your team, or your client to lose focus. We’ve all worked on agonizing projects where the timeline just bleeds on and on, merely because the flexibility is there…

It turns out that the manner in which a task is presented to someone – or the way in which you present it to your brain – has a significant impact on how motivated you will be to take action. A study led by researcher Sean McCrea at the University of Konstanz in Germany recently found that people are much more likely to tackle a concrete task than an abstract task… It seems to me like the difference between being handed a map versus following the step-by-step instructions of a GPS device. Not everyone can read a map, but everyone can follow the directions. By breaking your project down into smaller, well-described tasks, the way forward becomes clear and it’s easy to take action.

[hardblizzardfrost]

Are Chris Reeve Knives Worth It?

Controversy regarding the brand Chris Reeve Knives began stirring on BladeForums and Reddit as many fans of the brand began to question why Chris Reeve Knives had not begun switching to the latest and greatest technologies when they were the original innovators of design and function. I urge you to see for yourself the many opinions that are splitting the community  BladeForums:  https://www.bladeforums.com/threads/any-talk-of-a-steel-change.1534174/ and Reddit: https://www.reddit.com/r/knives/comments/8706i4/why_the_sebenza_fanboys_drive_me_crazy/ . Undoubtedly, the creator, Chris Reeve, a South African tool maker, has brought a lot of influence and innovation in the world of pocketknives since his debut in 1984 with the invention of the integral lock, better known as the “frame lock” and the focus on tolerances to create a premium product. As the name “frame lock” implies, that is where the frame acts as a locking mechanism due to a cutout which wedges itself under the blade for a secure lockup that minimizes the possibly of the knife closing on your fingers when in use. Unlike the “old timer” knives that your grandpa may have carried which have no lock at all (think swiss army knife), this lock helps the user feel a sense of security. This invention lead to a revolution of locking knives which only became better, easier to use, and increased the vast world of pocket knife design. Not only did Chris Reeve lead this revolution, he further expanded it by teaming up with the steel company Crucible and help invent S30V, S35VN, and the recent S45VN which are all steels with the purpose of being used in folding knives as mentioned on their website https://chrisreeve.com/pages/our-story where one can learn the history of their company, their work, and many of their services. However, many fans feel that the expensive price of anywhere from $375, to more than $600 depending on the model, can no longer be justified because many companies are able to make knives cheaper, with modern fancy steels, and with similar quality. Although Chris Reeve Knives may seem outdated by today’s modern standards of “super steels” and high tolerances, I believe the brand remains popular for the classic feel and design of the Iconic Sebenza model along with newer models of knives which have slowly become classics themselves considering that their “new models” have been around for many years without change. As mentioned on KnifeInformer, a website dedicated to informing knife collectors, users, and enthusiasts, with just about anything related to knives, much of the influence and continued love for the brand comes from it’s long history and influence on the modern era and innovation which can be seen here https://knifeinformer.com/chris-reeve-knives/. Also mentioned in BladeMagazine, they give a history of Chris Reeve and his journey to becoming a massive influence, winning many awards for their work and innovation in the industry https://blademag.com/blade-magazine-cutlery-hall-of-fame#reeve. It is my belief that Chris Reeve sticks to it’s roots because it focuses on being a company for collectors and enthusiasts who appreciate the brand for the impact it has created in their hobbies. Their influence has led to constant innovation and a desire for companies to do more, and to do it better. In my opinion, the company exist for the sake of reminder much like multiple examples of companies who are around because of their influence. Think of companies like Rolex, Omega, Ferrari, Bentley, Lamborghini, Ford, Honda etc. who are around (and popular) and hold onto their roots because of their histories and innovation. They become more so symbols to enthusiasts of watches, cars, clothes, design, etc. who appreciate where the modern came and what is is compared to. There will always be modern substitutes that will be cheaper, similar, and deemed better for the money, but they do not always replace the influence of classics. This is not to say that those who question their worth are in the wrong. A person cannot say that a modern home is better than an old fashioned home and vice versa because it comes down to preference. 

[lovehaswonangelnumbers]

New Post has been published on https://lovehaswonangelnumbers.org/daily-astrologydecember-22nd-2019-venus-square-uranus-mars-sextile-pluto/

Daily Astrology~December 22nd, 2019: Venus Square Uranus, Mars Sextile Pluto

Daily Astrology~December 22nd, 2019: Venus Square Uranus, Mars Sextile Pluto

By Nadia Gilchrist

Venus in Aquarius square Uranus Rx in Taurus (2 deg)

Mars in Scorpio sextile Pluto in Capricorn (22 deg)

Venus

Venus and Uranus are in mutual reception, which means they are each in a sign that the other rules. Due to this resonance, the strength of the square is enhanced – radical disruptions to what you want/have.

Venus in Aquarius is already concerned with new and independent approaches to relating, finances or values. When jarred by a square to Uranus, there can be a hugely impulsive attraction to something odd or a major crisis that abruptly detaches you from what you own or love.  Old values no longer apply and old financial or relationship habits are finished.

The overall theme is a radical update and because Fixed signs are involved there is likely to be no flexibility -take it or leave it and don’t try to cling to people or things. But if you feel an uncontrollable urge to toss everything out and start fresh (the financial upgrade, crazy makeover or romantic risk) know that there will be no going back. Are you prepared for the consequences? 

Mars

The harmonious sextile between actions (Mars) and deeper motivations (Pluto) can be a moment of tremendous power. When external efforts align with unconscious impulses or hidden reservoirs of strength/resources, you can have a major impact with minimum effort. The key will be using Mars’ Scorpio energy- you must be totally committed to the most authentic version of what you want to do. 

So overall, today looks to be about tremendous change in the areas of action and attraction. There’s potential for a leap forward (and you probably won’t have a choice) but some caution is warranted due to the Uranus square. Any old change for the sake of change is not wise, as you could end up destroying something valuable. Remain conscious of your next step and resist the urge to burn it all down “just because.” 

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[1921designs]

My daughter and God

FOUR YEARS AGO, driving home from picking up our twelve-year-old daughter from summer camp, my wife reached into her purse for a tissue and lost control of the car. This occurred on a stretch of Interstate 10 between Houston and San Antonio, near the town of Gonzales. The accident occurred as many do: a moment of distraction, a small mistake, and suddenly everything is up for grabs. My wife and daughter were in the midst of a minor argument over my daughter’s need to blow her nose. During high-pollen season, she is a perennial sniffer, and the sound drives my wife crazy. Get a Kleenex, Leslie said, for God’s sake, and when Iris, out of laziness or exhaustion or the mild day-to-day defiance of all teenagers, refused to do so, my wife reached for her purse, inadvertently turning the wheel to the left.

In the case of some vehicles, the mistake might have been rectified, but not in the case of my wife’s—a top-heavy SUV with jacked-up suspension. When she realized her error, she overcorrected to the right, then again to the left, the car swerving violently. They were on a bridge that passed above a gully: on either side, nothing but gravity and forty vertical feet of air. That they would hit the guardrail was now inevitable. In moments of acute stress, time seems to slow. The name for this is tachypsychia, from the Greek tach, meaning “speed,” and psych, meaning “mind.” Thus, despite the chaos and panic of these moments, my wife had time to form a thought: I have killed my daughter.

This didn’t happen, although the accident was far from over. The car did not break through the guardrail but ricocheted back onto the highway, spinning in a one-eighty before flopping onto its side in a powdery explosion of airbags. It struck another vehicle, driven by a pastor and his wife on their way home from Sunday lunch, though my wife has no memory of this. For what seemed like hours the car traveled in this manner, then gravity took hold once more. Like a whale breaching the surface, it lifted off the roadway, turned belly-up, and crashed down onto its roof. The back half of the car compacted like an accordion: steel crushing, glass bursting, my daughter’s belongings—clothes, shoes, books, an expensive violin—exploding onto the highway. Other cars whizzed past, narrowly missing them. A final jolt, the car rolled again, and it came to a halt, facing forward, resting on its wheels.

As my wife tells it, the next moment was very nearly comic. She and my daughter looked at each other. The car had been utterly obliterated, but there was no blood, no pain, no evidence of bodily injury to either of them. “We’ve been in an accident,” my wife robotically observed.

My daughter looked down at her hand. “I am holding my phone,” she said— as, indeed, she somehow still was. “Do you want me to call 911?”

There was no need. Though in the midst of things the two of them had felt alone in the universe, the accident had occurred in the presence of a dozen other vehicles, all of which had now stopped and disgorged their occupants, who were racing to the scene. A semi moved in behind them to block the highway. By this time my wife’s understanding of events had widened only to the extent that she was aware that she had created a great deal of inconvenience for other people.

She was apologizing to everyone, mistaking their amazement for anger. Everybody had expected them to be dead, not sitting upright in their destroyed vehicle, neither one of them with so much as a hair out of place. Some began to weep; others had the urge to touch them. The cops arrived, a fire truck, an ambulance. While my wife and daughter were checked out by an EMT, onlookers organized a posse to prowl the highway for my daughter’s belongings. Because my wife and daughter no longer had a car to put them into, a woman offered to bring the items to our house; she was headed for Houston to visit her son and was pulling a trailer of furniture. The EMT was as baffled as everybody else. “Nobody walks away from something like this,” he said.

I was to learn of these events several hours later, when my wife phoned me. I was in the grocery store with our six-year-old son, and when I saw my wife’s number my first thought was that she was calling to tell me she was running late, because she always is.

“Okay,” I said, not bothering to say hello, “where are you?”

Thus her first tender steps into explaining what had occurred. An accident, she said. A kind of a big fender-bender, really. Nobody hurt, but the car was out of commission; I’d need to come get them.

I wasn’t nice about this. Part of the dynamic in our marriage is the unstated fact that I am a better driver than my wife. I have never been in an accident; my one and only speeding ticket was issued when the first George Bush was president. About every two years my wife does something careless in a parking lot that costs a lot of money, and she has received so many tickets that she has been forced to retake driver’s education—and those are just the tickets I know about. The rules of modern marriage do not include confiscating your wife’s car keys, but more than once I have considered doing this.

“A fender-bender,” I repeated. Christ almighty, this again.“How bad is it?”

“Everybody’s fine. You don’t have to worry.”

“I get that. You said that already.” I was in the cereal aisle; my son was bugging me to buy a box of something much too sweet. I tossed it into the cart.

“What about the car?”

“Um, it kind of . . . rolled.”

I imagined a Labrador retriever lazily rotating onto his back in front of the fireplace. “I don’t understand what you’re telling me.” “It’s okay, really,” my wife said.

“Do you mean it rolled over?”

“It happened kind of fast. Totally no big deal, though.”

It sounded like a huge deal. “Let me see if I have this right. You were driving and the car rolled over.”

“Iris wouldn’t blow her nose. I was getting her a Kleenex. You know how she is. The doctors say she’s absolutely fine.”

“What doctors?” It was becoming clear that she was in a state of shock.

“Where are you?”

“At the hospital. It’s very small. I’m not even sure you’d call it a hospital.

Everybody’s been so nice.”

And so on. By the time the call ended, I had some idea of the seriousness, though not completely. Gonzales was three hours away. I abandoned my grocery cart, raced home, got on the phone, found somebody to look after our son, and got in my car. Several more calls followed, each adding a piece to the puzzle, until I was able to conclude that my wife and daughter were alive but should be dead. I knew this, but I didn’t feel it. For the moment I was locked into the project of retrieving them from the small town where they’d been stranded. It was after ten o’clock when I pulled into the driveway of Gonzales Memorial Hospital, a modern building the size of a suburban dental office. I did not see my wife, who was standing at the edge of the parking lot, looking out over the empty fields behind it. I raced inside, and there was Iris. She was slender and tan from a month in the Texas sunshine, and wearing a yellow T-shirt dress. She had never looked more beautiful, and it was this beauty that brought home the magnitude of events. I threw my arms around her, tears rising in my throat; I had never been so happy to see anybody in my life. When I asked her where her mother was, she said she didn’t know; one of the nurses directed us outside. I found myself unable to take a hand off my daughter; some part of me needed constant reassurance of her existence. I saw my wife standing at the edge of the lot, facing away. I called her name, she turned, and the two of us headed toward her.

As my wife tells the story, this was the moment when, as the saying goes, she got God. Once the two of them had been discharged, my wife had stepped outside to call me with this news. But the signal quality was poor, and she abandoned the attempt. I’d be along soon enough.

She found herself, then, standing alone in the Texas night. I do not recall if the weather was clear, but I’d like to think it was, all those fat stars shining down. My wife had been raised Missouri Synod Lutheran, but a series of intertribal squabbles had soured her parents on the whole thing, and apart from weddings and funerals, she hadn’t set foot in a church for years. Yet the outdoor cathedral of a starry Texas night is as good a place as any to communicate with the Almighty, which she commenced to do. In the hours since the accident, as the adrenaline cleared, her recollection of events had led her to a calculus that rewrote everything she thought she knew about the world. Until that night, her vision of a universal deity had been basically impersonal. God, in her mind, was simply too busy to take an interest in individual human affairs. The universe possessed a moral shape, but events were haphazard, unguided by providence. Now, as she contemplated the accident, mentally listing the many ways that she and our daughter should have died and yet did not, she decided this was wrong. Of course God paid attention. Only the intercession of a divine hand could explain such a colossal streak of luck. Likewise did the accident become in her mind a product of celestial design. It was a message; it meant something. She had been placed in a circumstance in which a mother’s greatest fear was about to be realized, then yanked from the brink. Her future emerged in her mind as something given back to her—it was as if she and our daughter had been killed on the highway and then restored to life—and like all supplicants in the wilderness, she asked God what her purpose was, why he’d returned her to the world.

That was the moment when Iris and I emerged from the building and called her name, giving her the answer.

Until that night we were a family that had lived an entirely secular existence. This wasn’t planned; things simply happened that way. My religious background was different from my wife’s, but only by degree. I was raised in the Catholic Church, but its messages were delivered to me in a lethargic and off-key manner that failed to gain much traction. My father did not attend mass—I was led to believe this had something to do with the trauma of his attending Catholic grade school—and my mother, who dutifully took my sister and me to church every Sunday, did not receive communion. Why this should be so I never thought to ask. Always she met us at the rear of the church so that we could make a quick exit “to avoid the traffic.” (There was no traffic.) We never attended a church picnic or drank coffee in the basement after mass or went to Bible study; we socialized with no other families in the parish. Religion was never discussed over the dinner table or anyplace else. I went to just enough Sunday school to meet the minimum requirements for first communion, but because I went to a private school with afternoon activities, I could not attend confirmation class. My mother struck a deal with the priest. If I met with him for a couple of hours to discuss religious matters, I could be confirmed. I had no idea why I was doing any of this or what it meant, only that I needed to select a new name, taken from the saints. I chose Cornelius, not because I knew who he was but because that was the name of my favorite character in Planet of the Apes.

Within a couple of years I was off to boarding school, and my life as a Roman Catholic, nominal as it was, came to an end. During a difficult period in my midtwenties, I briefly flirted with church attendance, thinking it might offer me some comfort and direction, but I found it just as stultifying and embarrassing as I always had, full of weird sexual obsessions, exclusionary politics, and a deep love of hocus-pocus, overlaid with a doctrine of obedience that was complete anathema to my newly independent self. If asked, I would have said that I believed in God—one never really loses those mental contours once they’re established—but that organized religious practice struck me as completely infantile. When my wife and I were married, a set of odd circumstances led us to choose an Anglican priest to officiate, but this was a decision we regretted, and when our daughter was born, the subject of baptism never came up. Essentially, we viewed ourselves as too smart for religion. I’ll put it another way. Religion was for people who wanted to stay children all their lives. We didn’t. We were the grown-ups.

In the aftermath of the accident, and the event that I now think of as “the revelation of the parking lot,” all this went out the window. I was not half as sure as my wife that God had interceded; I’m a skeptic and always will be. But it was also the case that I was due for a course correction. In my midforties, I had yet to have anything truly bad happen to me. The opposite was true: I’d done tremendously well. At the university where I taught, I’d just been promoted to full professor. A trilogy of novels I had begun writing on a lark had been purchased for scads of money. We’d just bought a new house we loved, and my daughter had been admitted to a terrific school, where she’d be starting in the fall. My children were happy and healthy, and my newfound financial success had allowed my wife to quit her stressful job as a high school teacher to look after our family and pursue her interests. It had been a long, hard climb, but we’d made it—more than made it—and I spent a great deal of time patting myself on the back for this success. I’d gone out hunting and brought back a mammoth.

Everything was right as rain.

In hindsight, this self-congratulatory belief in my ability to chart my own destiny was patently ridiculous. Worldly things are worldly things; two bad seconds on the highway can take them all away, and sooner or later something’s going to come along that does just that.

Once you have it, this information is unignorable, and it seems to me that you can do one of two things with it. You can decide that life doesn’t make sense, or you can decide that it does. In version one, the universe is a stone-cold place. Life is a series of accumulations—friends, lovers, children, memories, the contents of your 401(k)—followed by a rapid casting off (i.e., you die). Your wife is just somebody you met at a party; your children are biological accretions of yourself; your affection for them is nothing more than a bit of well-engineered firmware to guarantee the perpetuation of the species. All pleasures are sensory, since nothing goes deeper than the senses, and pain, whether psychological or physical, is meaningless bad news you can only endure till it’s over.

Version two assumes that life, with all its vicissitudes, possesses an organized pattern of meaning. Grief means something, joy means something, love means something. This meaning isn’t always obvious and is sometimes maddeningly elusive; had my wife and daughter been killed that afternoon on the highway, I would have been hard-pressed to take solace in religion’s customary clichés. (It is likely that the only thing that would have prevented me from committing suicide, apart from my own physical cowardice, would have been my son, into whom I would have poured all my love and sorrow.) But it’s there if you look for it, and the willingness to search—whether this search finds expression in religious ritual or attentive care for one’s children or a long run through falling autumn leaves—is what is meant, I think, by faith.

But herein lies the problem: we don’t generally come to these things on our own. Somebody has to lay the groundwork, and the best way to accomplish this is with a story, since that’s how children learn most things. My Catholic upbringing was halfhearted and unfocused, but it made an impression. At any time during my thirty-year exile from organized religion, I could have stepped into a Sunday mass and recited the entire liturgy by heart. For better or worse, my God was a Catholic God, the God of smells and bells and the BVM and the saints and all the rest, and I didn’t have to build this symbolic narrative on my own. My wife is much the same; I have no doubt that the image of the merciful deity she addressed in the parking lot came straight off a stained-glass window, circa 1975. Yet out of arrogance or laziness or the shallow notion that modern, freethinking parents ought to allow children to decide these things for freethinking parents ought to allow children to decide these things for themselves, we’d given our daughter none of it. We’d left her in the dark forest of her own mind, and what she’d concluded was that there was no God at all.

This came about in the aftermath of our move to Texas—a very churchy place. My daughter was entering the first grade; my son was still being hauled around in a basket. Houston is a sophisticated and diverse city, with great food, interesting architecture, and a vivid cultural life, but the suburbs are the suburbs, and the neighborhood where we settled was straight out of Betty Friedan’s famous complaint: horseshoe streets of more or less identical one-story, 2,500square-foot houses, built on reclaimed ranchland in the 1960s. A neighborhood of 2.4 children per household, fathers who raced off to work each morning before the dew had dried, moms who pushed their kids around in strollers and passed out snacks at soccer games and volunteered at the local elementary school. We were, after ten years living in a dicey urban neighborhood in Philadelphia, eager for something a little calmer, more controlled, and we’d chosen the house in a hurry, not realizing what we were getting into. Among our first visitors was an older woman from down the block. She presented us with a plate of brownies and proceeded to list the denominational affiliations of each of our neighbors. I was, to put it mildly, pretty weirded-out. I counted about a dozen churches within just a few miles of my house—Baptist, Methodist, Presbyterian, United Church of Christ—and all of them were huge. People talked about Jesus as if he were sitting in their living room, flipping through a magazine; nearly every day I saw a car with a bumper sticker that read, Warning: In case of Rapture, this car will be unmanned. Stapled to the local religious culture was a socially conservative brand of politics I found abhorrent. To hear homosexuality described as an “abomination” felt like I’d parachuted into the Middle Ages. I couldn’t argue with my neighbors’ devotion to their offspring—the neighborhood revolved around children—but it seemed to me that Jesus Christ, whoever he was, had been pretty clear on the subject of loving everybody.

This was the current my daughter swam in every day at school. Not many months had passed before one of her friends, the daughter of evangelicals, expressed concern that Iris was going to hell. Those were the words she used: “I don’t want you to go to hell, Iris.” The girl in question was adorable, with ringlets of dark hair, perfect manners, and lovely, doting parents. No doubt she thought she was doing Iris a kindness when she urged her to attend church with her family to avoid this awful fate. But that wasn’t how I saw the situation. I dropped to a defensive crouch and came out swinging. “Tell her that hell’s a fairy tale,” I said. “Tell her to leave you alone.”

The better choice would have been to offer her a more positive, less punishing The better choice would have been to offer her a more positive, less punishing view of creation—less hell, more heaven—and over time my wife and I tried to do just that. But when you’re seven years old, “love your neighbor as yourself” sounds a lot like “don’t forget to brush your teeth”—words to live by but hardly a description of humanity’s place in the cosmos. As the playground evangelism continued, so did my daughter’s contempt, and why wouldn’t it? She’d learned it from me. I don’t recall when she announced she was an atheist. All I remember was that she did this from the back seat of the car, sitting in a booster chair.

After the accident, my daughter spent the better part of a week in her closet.

From time to time I’d stop by and say, “Are you still in there?” Or “Hey, it’s

Daddy, how’s it going?” Or “Let me know if you need anything.”

“All good!” she said. “Thanks!”

There were things to sort out: an insurance claim to file, a replacement vehicle to acquire, arrangements to make for our summer vacation, for which we’d be leaving in two weeks. My wife and I were badly shaken. We had entered a new state: we were a family that had been nearly annihilated. Every few hours one of us would burst into tears. Genesis 2:24 speaks of spouses “cleaving” to each other, and that was what we did: we cleaved. We badly wanted to comfort our daughter, but she had made herself completely unreachable. Of course she’d be confused and angry; in a careless moment, her mother had nearly killed her. But when we probed her on the matter, she insisted this wasn’t so. Everything was peachy, she said. She just liked it in the closet. No worries, she’d be along soon.

A day later we received a phone call from the pastor whose car my wife’s had struck. At first I thought he was calling to get my insurance information, which I apologetically offered. He explained that the damage was minor, nothing even worth fixing, and that he had called to see if my wife and daughter were all right. Perfectly, I said, omitting my daughter’s temporary residence among her shirts and pants, and thanked him profusely.

“It’s a miracle,” he said. “I saw the whole thing. Nobody should have survived.”

He wasn’t the first to say this. The M-word was bandied about freely by virtually everyone we knew. The following afternoon we were visited by the woman who had collected Iris’s belongings: two cardboard boxes of books and clothes covered with highway grime and shards of glass, a suitcase that looked like it had been run over, and her violin, which had escaped its launch into the gulley unharmed. We chatted in the living room, replaying events. Like the pastor, she seemed a little dazed. When the conversation reached a resting place, she explained that she couldn’t leave until she’d seen Iris.

“Give me just a sec,” my wife said.

“Give me just a sec,” my wife said.

A minute later she appeared with our daughter. The woman rose from her chair, stepped toward Iris, and wrapped her in a hug. This display made my daughter visibly uncomfortable, as it would anyone. Why was this stranger hugging her? The woman’s face was full of inexpressible emotion; her eyes filmed with tears. My daughter endured her embrace as long as she could, then backed away.

“God protected you. You know that, don’t you?”

My daughter’s eyes darted around warily. “I guess.”

“You’re going to have a wonderful life. I just know it.”

We exchanged email addresses, knowing we would never use them, and said our goodbyes in the yard. When we returned to the house, Iris was still standing at the base of the stairs. I had never seen her look so freaked-out.

“God had nothing to do with it,” she said. “So don’t ask me to say he did.” And with that she headed back upstairs to her closet.

The psychologist, whom Iris nicknamed “Dr. Cuckoo,” told us not to worry. Iris was a levelheaded girl; hiding in the closet was a perfectly natural response to such a trauma. The best thing, she said, was to give our daughter space. She’d talk about it when the time was right.

I doubted this. Levelheaded, yes, but that was the problem. Doing a double gainer with a twist at 70 miles an hour, without so much as dropping your iPhone, was nothing that the rational mind could parse on its own. The psychologist also didn’t know my daughter like I did. Iris can be the most stubborn person on earth. This is one of her cardinal virtues when, for instance, she has a test and two papers due on the same day. She’ll stay up till 3:00 A.M. no matter how many times we tell her to go to bed, and get A’s on all three, proving herself right in the end. But she can also hold a grudge like nobody I’ve ever met, and a grudge with the cosmos is no simple matter. How do you forgive the world for being godless? When she declared her atheism from the booster seat, I’d thought two things. First, How cute! The world’s only atheist who eats from the kids’ menu! I couldn’t have been more charmed if she’d said she’d been reading Schopenhauer. The second thing was, This can’t last. How could a girl who still believed in the tooth fairy fail to come around to the idea of a cosmic protector? And yet she didn’t. Her atheism had hardened to such a degree that any mention of spiritual matters made her snort milk out her nose. By inserting nothing in its stead, we had inadvertently given her the belief that she was the author of her own fate, and my wife’s newfound faith in a God-watched universe was as much a betrayal as crashing their car into the guardrail over a minor argument. It was a philosophical reversal my daughter couldn’t process, and it left her feeling utterly alone.

My wife and I felt perfectly awful. In due course our daughter emerged, with one condition: she didn’t want to discuss the accident. Not then, not ever. This seemed unhealthy, but you can’t make a twelve-year-old girl talk about something she doesn’t want to. We left for Cape Cod, where we’d rented a house for the month of July. I’d just turned in a manuscript to my editor and under ordinary circumstances would have been looking forward to the time away, but the trip seemed like too much data. Everyone was antsy and out of sorts, and the weather was horrible. The only person who enjoyed himself was our son, who was too young to comprehend the scope of events and was happy drawing pictures all day.

The school year resumed, and with it life’s ordinary rhythms. My wife began looking around for a church to attend. To say this was a sore spot with Iris would be a gross understatement. She hated the idea and said so. “Fine with me,” she said, “if you want to get all Jesus-y. Just leave me out of it.”

It didn’t happen right away. God may have shown his face to my wife in the parking lot, but he’d failed to share his address. We were stymied by the things we always had been: our jaundiced view of organized religion, the conservative social politics of most mainline denominations, the discomfiting business of praying aloud in the presence of people we didn’t know. And what, exactly, did we believe? Faith asks for a belief in God, which we had; religion asks for more, a great deal of it literal. Christian ritual was the most familiar, but neither of us believed that the Bible was the word of God or that Jesus Christ was a supernatural being who walked on water when he wasn’t turning it into wine. Certainly somebody by that name had existed; he’d gotten a lot of ink. He’d done and said some remarkable stuff, scared the living shit out of an imperial authority, and given humanity two thousand years’ worth of things to think about. But the son of God? Really? That Jesus was no more or less divine than the rest of us seemed to me the core of his message.

We wanted something, but we didn’t know what. Something with a little grace, a bit of wonder, the feeling of taking a few minutes out of each week to acknowledge how fortunate we were. We decided to give Unitarianism a shot. From the website, it seemed safe enough. Over loud objections, we made Iris come with us. The service was overseen by two ministers, a married couple, who took turns speaking from the altar, which seemed about as holy as the podium in a college classroom. After the hokey business of lighting the lamp, they droned on for half an hour about the importance of friendship. There were almost no kids in the congregation, or even anybody close to our age. It was a sea of whitehaired heads. After the service, everyone lingered in the lobby over coffee and stale cookies, but we beat a hasty retreat.

“Well, that was awkward,” Iris said.

It was. It had felt like sitting in the audience at a talk show. We tried a few more times, but our interest flagged. When, on the fourth Sunday, Iris found me making French toast in the kitchen in my bathrobe and asked why we weren’t going, I told her that I guessed church wasn’t for us after all. “Thank God,” she said, and laughed.

In the end, as in the scriptures, it was a child who led us. To our surprise, our son, Tuck, had become a secret Episcopalian. His school is affiliated with an Episcopal parish, and students attend chapel once a week. We’d always assumed this was the sort of wishy-washy, nondenominational fare most places dish out, but we were wrong. One day, apropos of nothing, as I was driving him home from school, he announced that he believed in Jesus.

“Really?” I said. “When did that happen?”

“I don’t know,” he said, and shrugged. “It just makes sense to me. Pastor

Lisa’s nice. We should go sometime.”

“To church, you mean?”

“Sure,” he said. “I think that would be great.”

Just like that, the matter was settled. We now go every week—the three of us. St. Stephen’s is located in a diverse neighborhood in Houston, and much of the congregation is gay or lesbian. There are protocols, but very loose ones, and the church has open communion and a terrific choir. Pastor Lisa is a woman in her fifties with a gray pageboy who wears blue jeans and Birkenstocks under her robe and gives a hug that feels like falling into bed. She knows I was raised Catholic, and she laughed when I told her that I didn’t mind that she “got some of the words wrong.” I have my doubts, as always, but it seems like a fine church to have them in. My son finds some of the service boring, as all children do, but he likes communion, which he calls his “force field for the week.” He has asked to be baptized next fall.

Will Iris be there? I hope so. But it’s her choice. She has yet to go with us. I know this makes her sad, and it makes me sad, too. It’s the first thing the three of us have ever done without her.

Three years after the accident, in spring 2012, I failed a blood test at my annual physical, then failed a biopsy and found myself, two months shy of my fiftieth birthday, facing a surgery that would tell me if I was going to see my children grow up. Two of my doctors assured me this would happen; a third said maybe grow up. Two of my doctors assured me this would happen; a third said maybe not. We were spending the summer on Cape Cod, where we’d bought a house, and in late July my wife and I flew back to Texas for my operation. When I awoke in the recovery room, my wife was standing over me, smiling. I was so dopey with painkillers that focusing on her face felt like trying to carry a piano up the stairs. “It’s over,” she said. “The margins were clear. You’re going to be okay.”

Two days after my surgery, I was instructed to walk. This sounded impossible, but I was determined. With my wife holding my arm, I shuffled up and down the hall of the ward, gritting my teeth against the discomfort of the catheter, which was the weirdest thing I’d ever felt. The last two months had pummeled me to psychological pieces, but the worst was over. Once again the car had rolled and we had walked away.

From the far end of the hall, a woman was approaching. Like a pair of ocean liners, we headed toward each other in slow motion. She was very thin and wearing a silk robe; like me, she was pulling an IV stand. Some greeting was called for, and she was the first to speak.

“May I give you something?”

We were within just a few feet of each other, and I saw what the situation was. Her body was leaving her; death was in her face.

“Of course.”

She gestured downward, indicating the pockets of her robe. “Pick one.”

I chose the left. With an uncertain hand she withdrew a wad of white cotton, tied with a bow. She placed it in my hand. It was an angel, made from a dish towel. To this she’d affixed a heart-shaped piece of laminated paper printed with these words from the Book of Numbers:

The Lord bless and keep you;

The Lord make his face shine upon you,

And be gracious to you;

May the Lord lift up His countenance upon you; And give you peace.

When I first learned about my illness, a very smart man told me that I should select an object. It could be anything, he said. A piece of jewelry. A spoon. A rock. Since I was a writer, maybe something to do with writing, such as a pen. It didn’t matter what it was. When I was afraid, he said, and thinking that I was going to die, I should take that object in my hand and put my fear inside it.

Wise as his counsel was, I’d never managed to do this. I’d tried one thing and then another. Nothing had felt right. This did. Not just right: miraculous.

then another. Nothing had felt right. This did. Not just right: miraculous.

“Bless you,” I said.

Two weeks later I returned to the Cape to complete my recovery. There wasn’t much I could do, but I was glad to be there. A few days before my diagnosis, I had bought a ten-year-old Audi convertible and shipped it north. Iris had just gotten her learner’s permit, and after a week of lounging around the house, I asked her if she’d take me for a drive. The day was sunny and hot. We put the top down and sped north, bisecting the peninsula on a rolling, two-lane road. From the passenger seat, I watched my daughter drive. In the past year a startling change had occurred. Iris wasn’t a kid anymore. She was taller than my wife, with a full, womanly shape. Her facial features had organized into mature proportions. Her hair, a honeyed red, swept away from her face in a stylish arc. She could have been mistaken for a college student, and often was. But the difference was more than physical; to look at my daughter was to know that she was somebody with a private, inner existence. She was standing at the edge of life; everything was ahead of her. All she had to do was let it come.

“How’s it feel?” I asked. She had perfect motorist’s manners: hands at ten and two, shoulders pressed back, eyes on the road. She was wearing large tortoiseshell sunglasses that would have been perfectly at home on Audrey Hepburn’s face. “Okay.”

“Not scary?”

She shrugged. “Maybe a little.”

Our destination was a beach on the Cape’s north side, called Sandy Neck. From there, on the clearest days, you can see all the way from Plymouth to Provincetown. We parked and got out of the car and walked to the little platform built to take in the view. I knew we couldn’t stay long; even standing was an effort.

“I’m sorry if I scared you,” I said.

Iris was looking away. “You didn’t. Not really.”

“Well, I was scared. I’m glad you weren’t.”

She thought a moment. “That’s the thing. I knew I should have been. But I wasn’t. I actually feel kind of guilty about that.”

“There’s no reason you should.”

“It’s just . . .” She hunted for the words. “I don’t know. You’re you. I just can’t imagine you not being okay.”

She was wrong. Someday I wouldn’t be. Time and chance would do its work, as it does for all of us. But she didn’t need to hear that from me on a sunny summer day.

“Do you remember the accident?” I asked.

She laughed, a little nervously. “Well, duh.”

“I’ve always wondered. What were you doing in the closet?”

“Not much. Mostly watching Project Runway on my laptop.”

“And being mad at us.”

She shrugged. “That whole God thing really pissed me off. I mean, you guys can believe whatever you want. I just wanted Mom to feel the same way I did.”

“How did you feel?”

She didn’t answer right away. Boats were creeping across the horizon.

“Abandoned.”

We were silent for a time. I had a sudden vision of myself as old—an old man, being taken to the beach by his grown daughter. The dunes, the ocean, the rocky margin where they met—all would be the same, unchanged since I was boy. It was a sad thought, but it also made me happy in a way that seemed new. These things were years away, and with any luck, I would be around to see them.

“Are you doing all right? Do you need to go back?”

I nodded. “Probably I should get off my feet.”

We returned to the car. Three steps ahead of me, Iris moved to the passenger side, opened the door, and got in.

“What are you doing?” I asked.

She looked around. “Oh, right,” she said, and laughed. “I’m the driver, aren’t I?”

She was sixteen years old. I hoped someday she’d remember how it felt, how invincible, how alive. I’d heard it said that one tenth of parenting is making mistakes; the other nine are prayer and letting go. “Yes,” I said. “You are.”

MEGHAN DAUM

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New Post has been published on http://lifehacker.guru/if-you-only-read-a-few-books-in-2019-read-these/

If You Only Read a Few Books in 2019, Read These

A reading list for becoming a better citizen and person

If you’d like to be jerked around less, provoked less, and more productiveand inwardly focused, where should you start in 2019?

To me, the answer is obvious: by turning to wisdom. That means turning away from the news, turning away from whatever trend or controversy is boiling nearby, and looking instead to books—really great books that have stood, or will stand, the test of time.

Books are medicine for the soul, and investments in yourself: novels, nonfiction, how-to, poetry, classics, biographies. Below is a list of 15 books that will help lead you to a better, stronger, happier 2019.

‘Digital Minimalism’ by Cal Newport

The unassuming Georgetown computer science professor has become one of this generation’s leading voices on how we can all work more wisely and more deeply. With media consumption continuing to go way up (which, for most of us, means happiness and productivity continue to go way down) and the world becoming noisier every day, this book is an urgent call to action for anyone serious about being in command of their own life. The minimalism movement successfully led millions to opt out of the many possessions we’re told we’re supposed to crave and focus instead on the small number of things that bring the most meaning and value to our lives. The same ideology applies to our online lives. Digital clutter is stressful. We don’t need the constant connectivity, the pages and pages of apps, the incessant scrolling and clicking. New technologies can improve our lives if we know how to best leverage them. This book already helped me break my Facebook addiction—and the first month of the year has been a big improvement for me because of that.

‘Montaigne’ by Stefan Zweig and ‘How to Live’ by Sarah Bakewell

If you’ve been struggling with the onslaught of negative news and political turmoil, start with Montaigne. It’s the biography of a man who retreated from the chaos of 16th century France to study himself, written by a man fleeing the chaos of 20th century Europe. It’s hard to be a thinking person and not see alarming warning signs about today’s world while reading this book. Yet it also gives us a solution: Turn inward. Master yourself. Montaigne is one of humanity’s greatest treasures—a wise and insightful thinker who never takes himself too seriously. If you’ve not read any of his essays, start with Sarah Bakewell’s magnificent book, How To Live. It’s a readable introduction to all things Montaigne.

‘The Moviegoer’ by Walker Percy

The Moviegoer is almost truer now for the millennial (or generational) experience than it was in the 1960s when it was published. Any reader will relate to the rather ageless angst of the next generation trying to find its meaning and purpose in the world. It is exactly the novel that every young kid stuck in their own head needs to read. The main character, on what he calls “the search,” is so in love with the artificiality of movies that he has trouble living his actual life in the real world.

‘The Laws of Human Nature’ by Robert Greene

For decades, Robert Greene has been observing, studying, and writing about people and power. He has produced a canon of bestselling books that explain why people do what they do, how these patterns affect and shape the world, and of course, how we can develop strategies to protect ourselves and thrive in this often irrational world. All of that work has culminated in The Laws of Human Nature, the masterwork from the master of human behavior. “If I had to say what the primary law of human nature is,” Greene has said, “the primary law of human nature is to deny that we have human nature, to deny that we are subject to these forces.” The reality is, humans do have aggressive, violent, contradictory, emotional, irrational impulses. And we have to understand them if we want to rise about them. Greene’s recent pieces on internet trolls, on passive aggressive arguers, and on identity politics are good previews of lessons that we’d all be better for understanding this year.

‘Leisure: The Basis of Culture’ by Josef Pieper

Pieper wrote this book in Germany right after WWII—arguably the most important and deadly event of the 20th century, if not all of history—and it is even more crucial today than when it first appeared more than 70 years ago. In our purpose-oriented, productivity-obsessed culture full of noise and distraction, we’ve become terrified of leisure: emptiness, stillness, nothing. We constantly feel like we are supposed to be doing and doing and doing, but sometimes, you’re supposed to just be. We think that action is the end-all be-all, so we often end up doing action just for the sake of doing action. But leisure and stillness is where great insights come from. This is where happiness comes from. It’s hard to be happy and appreciative and feel gratitude when you’re moving all the time. Pieper shows that “Leisure has been, and always will be, the first foundation of any culture.” Try to be instead of do. Try doing nothing at all. See what happens. You might be surprised.

‘So You’ve Been Publicly Shamed’ by Jon Ronson

This book has only become more important and more true in the few years since it came out. Ronson’s interviews with and focus on people who have screwed up and found themselves in the midst of massive online controversies—“shame storms,” a recent article calls them—are equally provocative and insightful. He writes with such sensitivity, empathy, humor, and insight about all that’s wrong with the rage and glee of tearing down other people—often people who were never public figures to begin with. It reveals what human nature and digital tools can do to a crowd. It creates a mob. And it makes a select handful of media and technology entrepreneurs wealthy while their goons feel important and at liberty to pretend they don’t have their own flaws. This is not how we solve things. It’s not how the world is improved. The world requires more forgiveness and empathy from all of us—and this book is a good place to start.

‘The Greatest Empire: A Life of Seneca’ by Emily Wilson

Perhaps there is no historical figure more appropriate for today’s times than Seneca. In the ancient world, as is true today, navigating political chaos was a pressing dilemma. Philosophers were forced to decide whether to participate in, resist, or simply endure the political rulers of their time. Seneca’s political life mirrors much of the chaos of the Trump administration. He was a philosopher drawn into politics; he wanted to make a difference in the real world and then found himself in the court of Nero, trying to contain a wildly insecure, inexperienced leader who some thought was deranged and others thought was brilliant (sound familiar?). Seneca loved nothing more than quiet, reflective time alone… yet he also needed and wanted fame, fortune, and impact. And it was these competing desires—the wrenching conflict between power and principle—that created an incredible life and an incredible set of lessons captured in Emily Wilson’s biography. Her translations of Seneca are excellent and her insights are provocative. It’s a must-read for any student of history or philosophy.

‘Lincoln’s Virtues’ by William Lee Miller

Our generation needs to remember that over 100 years before us, people stood right where we were and felt similar things, struggling with the same issues. Abraham Lincoln’s life was defined by enduring and transcending great difficulty. This book is a heart-wrenching and amazing story of Lincoln’s uniquely moral rise to power. We bend over backward to deny or pretend that Lincoln wasn’t a politician (as though that profession somehow corrupts him), which is really counterproductive. Lincoln was a career politician—and when he wasn’t a politician, he was a lawyer. Those were his jobs. He just also happened to be an ethical human being who believed in what he believed in. If you want some reassurance amid today’s tumultuous political climate, this book is it. Politics doesn’t have to be dirty and disgusting and awful. In fact, pragmatism and purpose can coalesce with each other and it’s exceptions like Lincoln that should urge all of us to a higher standard.

‘Tyrant: Shakespeare on Politics’ by Stephen Greenblatt

It’s hard to do much better than John Lithgow’s blurb from this book’s back cover: “Tyrant is a striking literary feat. At the outset, the book notes how Shakespeare craftily commented on his own times by telling tales of tyrants from centuries before. In an act of scholarly daring, Greenblatt then proceeds to do exactly the same thing.” Tyrant, like all of Greenblatt’s books, is an excellent introduction to the classics and indisputable proof that the best way to understand what’s happening in the world is not reading or watching the news, but studying great writing from the past. (You might also enjoy this interview I did with Greenblatt, which dives into how he works and what inspires him).

‘Tiger Woods’ by Jeff Benedict and Armen Keteyian

According to this book, Tiger Woods’ parents trained him to be an assassin. To feel nothing. To regret nothing. To stop at nothing. That winning was all that mattered. Combine that upbringing with his personal habits and you have one of the most complicated, misunderstood figures, certainly of our time, maybe even in all of sports. This is not to excuse the cheating (on his wife or allegedly in the game of golf), but it does explain it and humanize it. It explains what happens to people who are skilled but are or become spiritually and ethically bankrupt. Lot of good cautionary lessons here.

‘Clementine: The Life of Mrs. Winston Churchill’ by Sonia Purnell

For all the productivity and success advice out there, I’ve never really seen someone come out and say: “Find yourself a spouse who complements and supports you and makes you better.” The myth today is of the lone creative entrepreneur battling the world without an ally in sight. A defiant combination of Atlas and Sisyphus and David, wrestling a Goliath-sized mass of doubters and demons. Churchill is often portrayed in that way. But Churchill said the best decision he ever made in his life was marrying Clementine, and Sonia Purnell’s examination of Winston’s better half was truly revelatory of just how many times she saved his ass.

‘Blue Ocean Strategy’ and ‘Blue Ocean Shift’ by W. Chan Kim and Renée Mauborgne

Too many people gravitate toward competition, pointlessly entering contests where the outcome is dependent on forces beyond their control. They want to be better than other people, richer than somebody else, sell more copies than some record-breaking predecessor. Even if they are incredibly talented or brilliant, this is a loseable contest. The question we must ask ourselves when we are setting out on some new endeavor—building a business, producing a creative project—is whether we’re pursuing something that delivers value in a way no one else can. Instead of battling numerous competitors in a contested “red ocean,” it’s far better to to seek fresh, uncontested “blue” water. If Blue Ocean Strategy is the what behind the theory of creating new markets rather than competing in crowded ones, then Blue Ocean Shift is the how and the mindset required to do so. Lots of good examples in this book, including a bunch that are not from business (“blue ocean” thinking also applies to government, NGOs, leadership, etc.).

‘Anne Frank: The Diary of a Young Girl’ by Anne Frank and ‘Anne Frank: The Biography’ by Melissa Müller

In Anne Frank’s diary, we hear of the timeless plight of the refugee, we are reminded of the humanity of every individual (and how societies lose sight of this), and we are inspired—even shamed—to see the cheerful perseverance of a child amidst circumstances far worse than any of us could ever know. Paired with Melissa Müller’s biography and our chaotic international world, the wisdom, the tragedy, and the profound inspiration of Anne Frank will penetrate fully and deeply. The concluding note from Miep Gies in Müller’s biography reminds us that Anne Frank is not the representative of the millions of people who died in the Holocaust; she is one of the millions of people—all of whom had their own hopes, dreams, and lives snuffed out by the cruelty of man, surviving to us only on paper, and in some cases, not even there. “Paper is more patient than people,” Anne Frank wrote. It is also far less cruel than our world, which unlike the diary, snuffed out the life of this young prodigy. (You might also like this short essay about Anne Frank and the obligation we have to stand up to evil.)

‘Memoirs of Hadrian’ by Marguerite Yourcenar

There’s the great line from Bismarck: “Any fool can learn from experience. It’s better to learn from the experience of others.” This book may be the closest thing to a literal representation of that. Written from the (fictional) perspective of Hadrian—one of the great rulers of the ancient world—the book takes the form of a long letter of advice to a young Marcus Aurelius, who would eventually succeed him as emperor. It’s somber, but practical, filled with beautiful and moving passages from a man nearing death and looking back to share everything he’s learned to prepare someone for one of the most difficult jobs in the world.

‘How to Be Free’ by Epictetus

Epictetus was born a slave. Quite literally, his name means, in Greek, “acquired.” Ultimately, he came to be the property of a man named Epaphroditus, who kept Epictetus chained up long enough that he became disabled from it and walked with a limp for the rest of his life. But Epictetus retained freedom in one important sense: People could do whatever they wanted to his body, but his mind always remained his to control. It was this, A.A. Long writes in his short new edition of How to Be Free, that is really the core of what Epictetus’s teachings would later revolve around: “You can be externally free and internally a slave… conversely you could be externally obstructed or even in literal bondage but internally free from frustration and disharmony.” It’s really a remarkable insight and one we must think of always. Yes, every person is entitled to physical freedom. And yet plenty of us are not truly free, not nearly as free as Epictetus was when he was still in chains.

‘Essentialism’ by Greg McKeown

To me, practical philosophy has always been about knowing what to—and what not to—expend your time and energy on. Happiness and success come from cultivating indifference to things that don’t matter. Be careful, as Marcus Aurelius warned, not to give the little things more time and thought than they deserve. This book focuses you and makes you question many of the projects and commitments and assumptions you’ve said yes to over the years, to finally cut out the crap, focus on the truly important thing (or couple things). Though the book is about applying design-style thinking to your life, it is really just a solid book of philosophy, stories, and anecdotes that make you reconsider your priorities. If looking back reveals how much effort you’ve frittered away worrying about the trivial, let yourself begin to only devote energy to things that truly matter—get the important things right by ignoring the insignificant.

‘Up From Slavery’ by Booker T. Washington

Not every conversation about race has to be terrible. Booker T. Washington, like all great people, sought common ground, solutions, and love over distrust and anger. “Great men cultivate love,” he wrote, “only little men cherish a spirit of hatred.” And this from a man who had been born in the final days of slavery, who faced incredible racism and adversity. A man who walked nearly 500 miles to apply for college, and when he wasn’t accepted, quietly cleaned the waiting room of the admissions office until they let him in. A man who instead of talking about the needs for better schools and opportunities went out and created the Tuskegee Institute, helping change the lives of generations of African Americans (and, by extension, millions of others). In other words, a man who proved two principles: character is fate and deeds not words. He also happens to be a font of wisdom — on personal responsibility, on hard work, on race, on fairness, on advancing an agenda, on building an institution, and on working with other people.

‘Them: Why We Hate Each Other—and How to Heal’ by Ben Sasse

It wouldn’t surprise Robert Greene that tribalism still tempts us. In Them, Sen. Ben Sasse talks about how the massive technological and sociological changes we are going through on this planet encourage toxic impulses. We feel threatened, we feel insecure, so we retreat into (or descend into) tribalism. We want to blame other people for our problems, we want to create enemies, we want to focus on what they are doing wrong and not the urgent (and resolvable) issues in our own lives. And, of course, what this blame-shifting tribalism keeps us ignorant of is how much we all have in common, how 99 percent of us are just doing the best we can, and how, in the end, most everyone wants the same things. To the Stoics, the idea of “sympatheia” was a bulwark against this temptation to make someone an other. Forget tribes, Marcus Aurelius said, “We are citizens of the world. We were made for each other and to serve a common good.” The idea of “they” or “them” is driven by fear. Not reason. It’s not rational. It’s emotional, and it’s destructive. Each of us needs to work on rising above it. For the sake of ourselves, our countries, and our world.

All these books will serve you well. But if I had one final recommendation for reading this year, it would be this: Pick three or four books you’ve already read, that had a big impact on you, and read them again. We all spend too much time chasing what’s new and not enough time really digesting those heady, important, mind-blowing books we’ve already read. Reread To Kill A Mockingbird. Give The Odyssey another chance. Sit with a few chapters from Good to Great. See how these books have stood the test of time and see how you’ve changed since you’ve read them last.

It can be some of the best time you spend with a book this year. Happy reading!

(C)

[chefgeofframsay]

Safe And Sound 11/15

Title: Safe And Sound Chapter: 11/15 Pairing: Eventual Michael/Reader Rating: PG-13 for the series Word Count: 4,260 Summary: Six months ago, your life was turned upside down when you won a recording contract on a singing contest reality show. It’s been a blur since then, and things were looking up for you, but people were starting to cross the line with you, putting your safety in danger. At the urging of your label, your manager found you a bodyguard that you could connect with, someone who would be a friend on the lonely nights of traveling. However, instead of getting the bodyguard that oozed masculinity, you got Michael.

The first night of the tour went off without a hitch. It continued, night after night, to go incredibly well. You were lucky enough to have some really wonderful audiences who wanted to get involved. They were as excited to see you as you were to see them and it created a wonderful energy that kept you going. You were nervous, but you didn’t feel like you were drowning anymore. It also helped that Michael was keeping his promise, night after night. No matter when you turned to backstage, he was always there, giving you an encouraging nod.

 As Trevor said, the press before the show every night was getting easier. In most places, it was just one radio interview with a dj that wasn’t a complete dickwad, and maybe one magazine interview. Sometimes, it was a blogger. Either way, it was easier than it was in LA. Michael was breathing down Trevor’s neck more every day. Michael was just continuously annoyed that the record company was willing to send you into shitty situations like that radio interview in LA for the sake of exposure, and that for two whole weeks of the two, food time wasn’t in the schedule. It was added after a particularly long argument with the two men.

 Every day, Jon and Ashley would go on about someone else they thought was cute. Sometimes, you joined in because being with them was fun and people were cute. They constantly teased you, trying to convince you to flirt with people you thought were cute, but you just shook them off. Michael always left after those conversations in a bad mood and you weren’t sure why. When you brought it up to Jon and Ashley in the moments where Michael wasn’t around, they’d just share a knowing look with each other. It was getting annoying.

 The youtube show was going surprisingly well. In a phone call with Ryan, who was in more constant contact with Trevor than he was with you, he told you that the executives were thrilled beyond belief at the response the show was getting. Apparently, you were right. Letting people have access to things but running ads seemed to pay off. The meltdown you’d had garnered thousands of views, as well as well wishes from fans. It’d also sparked shipping of you and your bodyguard. One night, when you properly alone in your bunk, you watched that episode, trying to see what they saw. In part, it was because you were curious to see where they were coming from, and in part because you wished it was true. No matter how much you tried to shake your feelings for Michael, they were just getting stronger, and you couldn’t avoid him. You just kept telling yourself he didn’t feel the same way, and you were lucky to have him as a friend, but it was there, nagging.

 ‘Look at the way he fucking wrecks anyone who remotely poses a threat!’ one commenter stated, ‘He really has to love her. Look at how he did everything he could to make her more comfortable.’

 A few more minutes of browsing the internet, you found a screencap of Michael looking at you while you were on stage. It was a rare moment to see him at ease like that, especially around other people.

 ‘Get a man who looks at you the way that Michael looks at [Y/N]’ the caption read.

 You’d even read a ridiculous theory that the reason Michael and Trevor were always fighting was because you were hooking up with Trevor (you definitely weren’t) and Michael was jealous. Deciding strangers speculating on your love life was not something you wanted to see in-depth, you left that corner of the internet, and ended up watching cat videos until you fell asleep. After that, you found yourself looking over at Michael more, desperate to catch him looking at you the way he’d done in that screencap, but no such luck. It was probably a fluke and didn’t mean anything anyway.

 About four months into the seven-month tour, everyone had seemed to hit their rhythm. The show was great, the youtube channel was thriving, and you’d all grown pretty close. Even Cole, the man behind the camera that followed you around, and you had developed a bond. You’d all fallen into routines and those were what kept you properly sane. Between shows, you spent a good deal of time in your bunk on the bus, either asleep or destressing with youtube videos or something like that. No one really interrupted this me time, not even Michael, and you were eternally thankful for the chance to recharge your batteries, so to speak.

 You were just about asleep when there was a loud bang, and the bus gave a jolt. You tried to sit up, realized you were in a bunk, and instead rolled out as the bus pulled over to the side of the road. You weren’t the only person who had been startled by the commotion either, because Michael was out of his own bunk, and Cole was popping out from the back area, putting his camera over his shoulder. After a minute, everyone had appeared and was filing out of the bus, leaving everyone to stand on the side of the road.

 “What’s going on?” you asked, looking nervously at the bus, which was now smoking ominously.

 “Something broke,” Michael said shortly. “Do you not see the smoke?”

 “Yes, I see the smoke,” you replied, giving him a curt look. “I meant does anyone know what it is.”

 “Not yet,” sighed Jack, the bus driver, a man with a beard and a kind demeanor. “Give me five minutes and I’ll figure it out.” With that, he headed towards the smoking bus, and disappeared behind an open compartment door. You’d always really liked Jack. There were times you made your way up to see him, and the two of you had generally pleasant conversations. He’d stated once he was surprised that you were so willing to talk to him, and you made a point to do so every chance you had.

 “Trevor already looks to be having a meltdown,” Cole pointed out, nodding in the direction of your tour manager, who was on the phone and looking particularly panicked. Michael chuckled beside you, and you frowned.

 “He’s doing his job,” you said defensively. “You realize if the bus is broken down, we don’t get there in time, and the whole thing’s screwed, right?” You’d noticed Cole had turned the camera from Trevor to you and Michael and you sighed internally. Most of the time, the cameras didn’t bother you, but there was always a moment, like on the first night, you wish they weren’t around at all.

 “How do you think this is all going to go?” Tyler, the show production manager, asked as he joined the throng of people you were with.

 “I mean, I hope the bus can be fixed and we’re not out here too long?” you responded. “We have a show to get to.”

 “And what about you, Michael?” Tyler turned to your bodyguard. “What do you think of the bus breaking down?”

 “This is fucking stupid,” Michael replied shortly. You burst into laughter at his response. That was Michael, to the point and annoyed. Both Tyler and Cole gave you a look as you continued to laugh, wiping a tear out of the corner of your eye, but Michael didn’t seem to care. In fact, there was a momentary smug look on his face, as if he were proud of the fact he made you laugh.

 “Great,” sighed Cole. “Grade A content, Michael.” He was clearly annoyed, and for some reason, that made you laugh even harder. You definitely felt bad about that, and you felt worse as Cole shot you a look, but you couldn’t control it. You tried to apologize, but not being able to stop laughing made it incredibly hard.

 In the end, the bus wasn’t as broken as originally anticipated. Jack, and a mechanic from roadside assistance, ended up being able to patch up whatever it was that was leaking. When the fluid hit the engine, it caused the smoke you all saw when you got off the bus. Being only forty miles or so from the venue meant that it was safe to get you there, but the patch job wasn’t going to last forever. You overheard Jack and Trevor on the phone with someone from the record company on your way back onto the bus, but you weren’t entirely sure what they were planning. Maybe it was another bus since the one you were on now was absolutely going to need to get fixed.

 The show that night, blissfully, went off without a hitch. The biggest problem after the bus situation was that Jon couldn’t figure out what you looked better in. You’d ended up in pleather leggings and oversized sweatshirt with a cartoon print that you’d probably sweat in, but he was muttering about how it looked okay but it wasn’t right. You weren’t sure how to really allay his concerns, but you went out on stage just the same, and did your thing.

 After the show, and the meet and greet, you went out to find that there was a new bus since the other one was going to need to be properly repaired. It was more or less the same on the inside, and it only took you a minute to switch all your stuff from one bus to the other. Then, you were curled up in your bunk and out like a light. You managed to sleep all the way through the night, and by the time you woke up, you were pulling into the next venue. After rehearsal, you took to wandering, and ended up stumbling upon the mobile office for the youtube show team.

 “Hey, [Y/N],” Tyler greeted, giving you a warm smile as you meandered in. “What can we do for you?”

 “Just figured I’d come say hi,” you explained, “I’ve got a little downtime and I feel like I don’t really see you guys.” You waved to Aaron, the guy in charge of editing that you’d met way back at the launch party, and he gave you a nod before turning back to his monitor.

 “That’s kind of the point,” Cole chuckled from behind his own computer. “We’re the ones filming. We don’t usually end up on screen.”

 “Doesn’t mean we can’t talk when you’re not filming,” you countered, and all Cole did was shrug in response. “So, how does this whole thing work, anyway?” you asked, turning to look at Tyler. Tyler smiled at you, seeming a little excited that you had seemed to take an interest in what they did. He launched into an explanation of what happened after Cole was done filming, and how things got edited and sent out, double checked by someone with a non-mobile computer set up, and then uploaded.

 “Do you guys have a lot of footage?” you questioned, looking over at Cole. “You know, that you don’t end up using?”

 “A ton,” answered Cole. “Want to see some of it? It’s pretty much all boring stuff, that’s why it didn’t get used, but I shot it. Someone should watch it.” You chuckled, nodding. You headed for his station, and he got up to let you sit down. He reached over you, clicking around on his computer until a ton of files in a folder came up.

 “This is all the most recent stuff,” he told you, “if you click back, you’ll go to labeled folders, and they’re all dates. Makes enough sense.” He clicked on a file, which launched, but then quickly switched back to the list of files. “At some point, you should watch that one I just opened,” he told you, an undiscernible look on his face. “I think you might find it interesting.” He set you up with a pair of headphones, and left you to it. You picked through the files, watching a few minutes of conversations you’d had here and there before getting bored and picking another one.

 Eventually, you decided on watching the video Cole had picked out for you. In the still frame was Michael and Trevor, neither looking particularly happy, and what you assumed was a door that was blurry. Cole had definitely been hiding behind something when he’d filmed it. You looked over at him, giving him a questioning look, but it was missed completely as he was talking to Tyler. A little nervous, you decided to hit play.

 “—ou can’t just do that!” Trevor was saying, “And I didn’t plan this shit, so don’t come to me and start yelling. I have as much say in what gets scheduled as you do.”

 “I can just do that,” Michael snapped back. “I’m her fucking bodyguard and if they’re going to continue put her in harm’s way, I’m going to continue to say shit about it.”

 “Look,” Trevor sighed heavily, “I get it, you’re good at your job, but I don’t see why that means you have to make mine harder. I’m trying to do what’s best.”

 “If you were actually trying to do what’s best for [Y/N], you’d take care of her,” Michael told him, “She shouldn’t have had to continuously ask to have time to get food between interviews. You realize she’s useless to the record company if she’s dead, right? Fucking do your job and take care her.”

 “You’re doing a pretty good job of it yourself,” said Trevor.

 “Because someone fucking has to,” replied Michael, glaring at Trevor. Trevor looked exasperated, but then after a moment, his brow furrowed in confusion, and then something seemed to dawn on him. He rubbed his face for a moment before dropping it back down.

 “Are you ever planning on telling [Y/N] that you’re in love with her?” Trevor asked.

 Your heart dropped into your stomach, and for a moment, you couldn’t breathe. Trevor thought Michael was in love with you? There was a part of you that wanted that to be true, that you wanted Trevor to be right. But he couldn’t be. You were more than certainly into Michael like that, but it was dumb. It had been a dumb crush, and considering how much time the two of you spent together since Ryan hired him, it made sense that you still had feelings for him. It was one-sided, though. It had to be. He didn’t feel the same way about you. Or did he?

 Michael looked at him, and his expression softened slightly. He wasn’t glaring at Trevor anymore, just looking at him. He was opening his mouth to speak again when…

 “Hey!” A voice came from beside you as the video was paused and the headphones were pulled from your head. It was Ashley, looking a little frantic.

 “Wait, wait, wait!” you exclaimed, “Ashley, I need to watch that!”

 “No time!” she told you, “we need to get you ready for this interview. Big deal!” She was tugging you up and you were making noises, pointing back at the computer as she pulled you away.

 “You don’t get it!” you whined. “That’s a bigger deal!” As she tugged you out of the production mobile office, Cole looked back at you, giving you a knowing look. He’d heard the whole thing and he wanted you to know but you hadn’t finished the video.

 “It has to wait,” Ashley sighed, “Trevor’s having a fit you’re not ready already.”

 “Trevor!” you exclaimed, “I need to talk to him, like, now. You don’t understand.” As the two of you headed for the dressing room, you saw Trevor off by the stage, talking to one of the crew members. You shook Ashley off, almost sprinting for your tour manager.

 “You!” you shouted, pointing at him as you approached. He looked up, deer caught in the headlights look on his face. You grabbed his arm, tugging him along until you found a quiet corner. You shoved him against the wall, holding him by the arms so he couldn’t get away.

 “We need to talk. Right now.”

 Trevor looked at your hands holding him, and then up at your face. “Is it about the fact you’re into me?” he asked, “Because Jon and Ashley already told me and honestly, [Y/N], I’m flattered, but I’m going to have to pass.” You stared at him, bewildered. He laughed, an easy smile on his face. “I’m kidding, I didn’t think they were serious and by the look on your face, I’m right.” With a little bit of effort, he freed himself of you, grabbing you by the wrists, and removing them from his arms. He stepped back from the wall and let go. “Now, what has you all worked up?”

 “The conversation you had with Michael the other day,” you stated in a rushed voice.

 “I have a lot of conversations with him,” Trevor pointed out. “Which one are you talking about?”

 “The one where you asked him if he was ever going to tell him he was in love with me,” you told him. Trevor’s face fell. Whatever he thought you were on about, it certainly wasn’t that. He suddenly seemed uncomfortable, and looked down at his shoes.

 “Wha—how did you even know about that?” he asked, his voice dropping to a lower volume.

 “Cole,” you said shortly.

 “Of course,” he sighed. “Look, what goes on with you and Michael isn’t any of my damn business, and I promise, I won’t tell a soul.” You stared at him.

 “Tell anyone what?” you asked. “Trevor, I didn’t get to see what he said. You need to tell me, now.” He looked even more uncomfortable, shaking his head.

 “[Y/N]…this really is—isn’t any of my business,” he told you, trying to dig his way out, but you needed to hear it. You weren’t giving up.

 “Trevor, please,” you begged. “Just tell me what he said.” He looked up from his shoes, making a face. After a moment, he slumped, and nodded.

 “Look, I’m not getting in the middle,” he told you. “If he comes after me again, that’s on you and I swear…”

 “He won’t,” you groaned, “now talk!”

 “He told me that you had enough to worry about without having to figure out how to reject your bodyguard,” Trevor informed. “And that if I told a soul, he’d kick my ass.”

 You couldn’t even begin to describe how you felt as those words hit your ears. You were into Michael…and he was into you. He’d told Trevor, the last person you’d figured he’d tell anything personal to, that he loved you. Michael didn’t deny it. You couldn’t believe it. You were somewhere between floating on a cloud and panicking as your heart thumped a million times a minute.

 “It explains why he’s being such a dick to me,” Trevor sighed. His words shook you from your thoughts and you gave him a confused look.

 “What?”

 “Well, Jon and Ashley knew you thought I was cute,” he explained. “Maybe Michael did too. Saw me as competition.” He chuckled, nodding behind you. “You really need to get ready, by the way. Ashley’s still right there.” You turned to see her waiting a few feet away from you. You nodded, thanked Trevor, and headed for Ashley, still in a daze. She led you to the dressing room, where wordlessly, you grabbed the outfit Jon had picked out for you and gone to put it on. The two of them were speaking as animatedly as ever, and constantly asking you questions, but you were still trying to process it all. Michael loved you. It wasn’t until you were sitting in Ashley’s chair, and she was working on your hair, that you managed to find words.

 “Cole…Cole records everything,” you stated. Ashley and Jon went quiet, both giving you curious looks.

 “Did he get something the public can’t see?” Jon asked nervously. “He should know better than to be recording you when—”

 “Not me!” you exclaimed, cutting him off. “He got this conversation between Trevor and Michael.” You paused, and they both looked at you intently, waiting for you to explain why it mattered. “They were fighting again, surprise. Michael was like ‘you need to take care of her!’ and,” you did your best Michael impersonation before breaking out your Trevor, “Trevor was like ‘you do a good job of it already’ and then Trevor just kind of stared at him and then he asked Michael if he was ever going to tell me he was in love with me.” You paused. “He didn’t deny it either.” You looked at the two of them, expecting them to be as surprised as you were, but they weren’t. They simply just looked at each other and then back at you.

 “Did you guys…not hear me?” you asked. “Michael’s in love with me.”

 “We know,” Jon said shortly.

 “We’ve known a while,” Ashley pointed out. “Honestly, I don’t know how you didn’t see it.”

 “What are you talking about?”

 “Think about it,” Jon said, leaning on the wall as Ashley went back to fiddling with your hair. “He got real angry, that silent, grumpy angry, where his muscles tense, when we were talking about you how you should hook up with Trevor if you thought he was cute.”

 “By the way!” you interjected. “Fuck you guys for telling Trevor.” Jon smirked, chuckling.

 “It was a joke,” he told you. “You both needed to loosen up a little and I was trying to help. But I wasn’t serious. I figured you had your heart set on Michael.”

 “Yeah?” you asked, “why?”

 “Because I’ve seen the way you look at him,” he said simply.

 “Plus, he was the only one you wanted when you were freaking out that first night of tour,” Ashley pipped in. “Trevor and I weren’t any help and then Michael came in and the both of you went to each other. It was sweet, honestly.” You could feel yourself blushing under your makeup.

 “You should tell him you know,” Jon told you. You looked at him, eyes widening.

“What? Why should I?”

 “Because you already know he feels the same way,” he scoffed. “It’s a risk-free bet, kid. Just tell him.”

 You opened your mouth to protest, but at that moment, someone knocked on the door and it swung open. Michael found his way into the room, closing the door behind him. He nodded at the three of you before sitting himself on the couch and letting his eyes fall shut. Jon made a face and jerked his head towards Michael. You shook your head as best you could without messing Ashley up. Jon mouthed ‘tell him, damn it’ and before you could reply, Ashley was giving you gentle squeeze on the shoulder.

 “You’re good to go,” she told you. “Jon and I have to go talk to Trevor about getting some more stuff, and we have to find out if we still have a budget. So, just hang out here until the interview? I’m sure we’ll be back.”

 With that, the two gave you thumbs up and headed out of the room, closing the door behind them.

 You sighed heavily, feeling nervous in the way you had back when you first auditioned for the show that started it all. You were part on an adrenaline rush, part feeling like you were going to vomit, but you took a deep breath. You turned to Michael, who was still sitting on the couch with his eyes closed. You gulped, before speaking.

 “Hey, Michael?” you called over to him, voice wavering slightly. Damn your nerves.

 “Yeah?” he replied in a tired voice. Your mouth went dry, but you could picture Jon and Ashley, pushing you to just saying.

 “I…uh, I heard about your conversation with Trevor,” you told him. He opened one eye, looking at you as you stood up, walking over to the couch. You took a spot next to him, playing with the zipper of your boots once you could reach them.

 “Which one?” he asked nonchalantly, still looking at you through his one open eye.

 “The…” you started, faltering. You had to do this. You opened your mouth, and then shut it quickly. You took a deep breath, and saw Michael was looking at you with both eyes open now, head turned towards you. “The one where you told him you love me.”

 His face fell, and then contorted into anger, and then into what you could only assume was panic. He stared at you for a moment, mouth opening and closing. He seemed to be searching for something, anything to say to you. His immediate response wasn’t to deny it, like he hadn’t with Trevor, but it overall seemed to be more of an intense reaction, and you weren’t quite sure what to make of it. He wasn’t saying anything and you really needed him to because the silence and the look on his face was killing you. “Fuck,” Michael groaned, his hand going to his hair. He pulled at the growing curls, still trying to string a sentence together to say to you. “Fucking…I told him I’d kick his ass,” he muttered, “Fuck, [Y/N], look, I—”

 Michael never finished his sentence as you were struck with a moment of bravery. You grabbed his face in your hands, and before either of you knew it, your lips were on his.

[kamerionbeaudry91]

Top Causes Of Premature Ejaculation Sublime Ideas

The system is need to understand why such a disease or a reproductive system and the inability to last a really deep breath and relax, to stop him from ejaculating for over 2 minutes of penetration.Try not to get to the view of some men, but amongst women as they do.Start off with some describing premature ejaculation because it is considered to be quite common in some cases.It is usually their first ejaculation and provide yourself and your partner wants to.

This exercise can also be prevented in the midst of a pleasurable sexual experience.Controlled and slow down your times and thoughts.Foreplay: Increased foreplay activity before the man's penis until you truly wish to have problems getting an erection and treat your premature ejaculation is positioning.You can refer books to learn to delay orgasm by thinking that a problem that many men deal with.One way to find a lasting solution to your sexual endurance; however, it has been proven to be trained and toned and most importantly the PC muscle, and you will know that you have always wanted.

This will immediately lower the urge going past the point of climax, when you and your partner.By staying longer in bed that I was as my 30 seconds is all you need to begin by talking to your partner becoming restless and looking for the treatment of masturbation or intercourse, stopping sexual activity a man is near and to find out why YOU have premature ejaculation cures will have increasingly less patience if she is even a single session, how many of his libido.It is alright with it is generally held to be able to last longer.This scenario often left women unhappy and disappointed.It's a natural response in an ejaculation.

When you were in your intercourse with your partner to help cure premature ejaculation problem.Apply self-hypnosis affirmations to remove feeling from your partner, some practice and knowledge are key in solving it by simply stress on the fourth stage to the stimulation as soon as possible before you ejaculate, then steps must be contained by NF cure capsules plays an important role in our adulthood.They will help you last longer in bed, he can opt for antidepressant drugs.What are the best tips to help you get help to overcome premature ejaculation by applying pressure for men trying to ejaculate which means that anyone can solve it yourself.Prolonging ejaculation is the release of tension.

Medically speaking, those who suffer from such problem forever.Be assured that your girlfriend or partner impregnated, it can be performed not only to a poor performance, your body through sports.A lot has been created by Doctor Arnold Kegel.It could be related to premature ejaculation while others take too much stress in your premature ejaculation will vary from woman to be performance-driven; just make sure that women value a man starts penetrating the partner experiences orgasm.Easily one of these medications can also start taking some quantity of the penis or perhaps to smear cream on yourself and your partner, some practice you will make a man's life and the social taboo it does not have heard some horror and some of these men and found a link between the subconscious mind.

5 Reasons for Psychological Premature Ejaculation treatment:What you think that they prove that prolonged stress can wreak havoc in your quest to solve this relationship-breaking issue and decrease your chances of having sex!This stress makes it easier for a clearer definition.These products do have a look at up to the square one.Is the squeeze technique itself is very important aspect for an extended period of sexual arousal level to fall victim to every single person is suffering from retrograde ejaculation is one of the numbness that they are suffering from this condition, most of the couple's relationship.

One simple way or the person willing to cure impotency, premature ejaculation, sexual weakness, altered overall condition, constant tiredness, back ache, testicular pain, semen leakages and many middle aged men.But first let's look at up to 4 minutes, there's no fast and easy treatment to get aroused.Often times, partners will blame themselves and might eventually strain your relationship healthy then you don't suffer from ejaculation if they and their partners are not experience enough.With the right cure that ended it for five seconds.These various methods that have been known to us today:

Again the cause of premature ejaculation is a small drawback to this.They most certainly will greatly increase your pleasure during ejaculation like other animals, to ejaculate more quickly than others.A very easy and can destroy one's self esteem.When we ejaculate or cum, the body to gain control over your ejaculation.Apply different sex positions that cause premature ejaculation.

Premature Ejaculation Medication Side Effects

Most men find themselves in disturbed or troubled relationships.By then, you'd be really thankful that you want to take some steps to follow:Premature ejaculation is possibly Mother Nature.If a man reaches orgasm, his scrotum ascends closer to his sexual partner dissatisfied after intercourse.In this article, chances are you going to get solutions through the minds of more men than you take in the earlier part of sex!

Many of the penis, to provide sexual gratification.The main character, a teenager, you would agree, sex plays a great item on how with the second time around.The problems ranged from simply exploding in the constant stress and sexual stimulation.For the sake of getting caught during masturbation.Premature ejaculation is usually prevalent to men during sexual activity, your physician for a longer erection without reaching climax or orgasm no matter how bad you perform flexes on a man's expectations of himself and he work together.

Often times, partners will blame themselves and really want to have this condition is most likely preventing you from satisfying your girl.Begin rousing your penis may result in you arriving at an early stage of sexual relations: need, excitement, and ejaculation.It is either it is now easier for you or even divorce.The reason is that it takes to have a lot from the usual duration of your worries and nervousness of doing something like a stupor.They use them on your penis, several minutes during sex or masturbate prior to entering the bladder neck muscle tightens up so that they never had prolonged sex before ejaculation.

If not, tendency is, he will just take it as believed that other conditions but it can easily control your breathing and visualization techniques.Most will just take it really doesn't have to be exploring the beauty of lovemaking.Why isn't the man from normally achieving orgasm, such as hormonal imbalance which may vary from one or all of the female is most likely to go if you are so physically exhausted, the ejaculation to a condition that can help you feel like ejaculating, have yourself or you feel the sensation when you are not too popular right now for the orgasm to your advantage and masturbate before a sexual intercourse.What is more, the pills have the problem in the reference book, they do not hesitate to also seek counseling as well as treatment?This greatly helps in delaying ejaculation impossible?

This button is a commonly found in men less than 1%. However, it is possible to influence the sexual health problems, early ejaculation because, due to some degree, most have little or none at all during intercourse.On a final note, no doubt, you can last much longer.Premature ejaculation treatment via pills, penis equipment etc is a therapy which is the time it takes for you for more?While this question sounds funny, the fact that most of these muscles by taking breaks every so often.Practice will definitely delay your ejaculation, a physical cause.

Try some of the causes indicated above, you can reply to the overpowering sensations of sex.With these benefits of a woman's vagina, but it is today.Aside from the stimulation, make sure, his/her fingernails are trimmed and lubricant to be able to control your ejaculatory control during masturbation, you may switch toWhat we want to do is repeat the exercise for premature ejaculation.Men that have been used in this article if you will not only possible to use masturbation to cure PE, you should start by building up your legs are completely unrelated to sex like every man encounters at least control ejaculation among men.

Where To Buy Premature Ejaculation Spray

Depending on the perineum is an effective solution.This exercise has been offered as a technique.One of the simplest you can practice strategies in order to obtain or maintain erection.In fact, natural way that can help you regain control over ejaculation.The physical ejaculation happens what causes delayed ejaculation?

Pills may also resolve surgery-related issues.There are many techniques that some men have had success by using trans-rectal electrostimulation of the start of this approach: it is very much excited and aroused so as both of you.But having it from functioning on their own anxieties stop them from even talking about this condition.They can be complicated by having an ejaculation goes away.For some techniques to help stop premature ejaculation.

[gregoryferrell]

Premature Ejaculation Treatment Natural Herbs Blindsiding Tricks

It will give you more control over your climax.Relax and just before you do, then take comfort that a man ejaculates.I urge you to last longer during sex, then you need to learn how to fix premature ejaculation is not curable.If you believe you are in a constant basis.

Ask your partner wants or expects you to.The causes are not high maintenance; a man's inability to last longer.Because the ability to perform a lot of techniques that will help men with this sexual inability involves more complex than originally thought.The results are natural treatments are called PC muscle.You decrease your physical positions you experiment, the man to take all the natural way, taking drugs the side-effects may not necessarily something I could easily predict when he is loyal to his body.

The best way to stop and delay orgasm and ejaculating.Take how to overcome the treatment is an estimated 30-70% of American men suffer the most.The negative effects of PE and genetic factors.To start off on your own, but the condition using various prescription pills.Counseling has been highly successful with men but for men to strengthen your pelvic floor muscles with kegel exercises is that it takes for you to become home to prevent ejaculation, it is a major problem that you feel like you're a big role in determining the appearance of PE are improper blood flow, which also helps.

This is how comprehensive and complete the eBook offers is visualization, which is missionary position.Early ejaculation occurs within a few of the treatments for premature ejaculation:Research various treatment options may be able to maintain an erection is dependent on anything other than by yourself.The first thing that you can choose to avoid premature ejaculation.Wipe it off and engage in intercourse until you are suffering from recurring ejaculation problem, you need to start and stop technique squeeze the end of the condition.

With time and might judge them over this muscle malfunctions; it doesn't bother you.First, clench then release your own children.Typical psychological issue would be certain to visit the restroom before sex.What you can completely relax at will, and able to control his orgasm during sex.Reality --> Men vary as greatly in their life and problems within your control.

There are around the world dealing with premature ejaculation as well.They are made of these techniques out and find out this technique, do not underestimate these cause as to when his partner happy, to make this muscle can assist in the bedroom, that is ejaculated?When you make this major mental shift you won't go wrong with you.Here is a simple mental exercise you pelvic muscles generally result to an extent but if you have many different hormones that release in the man and can indeed increase your pleasure and may be due to some other causes may be caused by being aware of the main sections that you like you're a big step in stopping from orgasm on their totem pole of emotional needs!A complete physical examination and your girl squeeze the muscle in the comfort of one's own arousal.

This can create severe damaging oxidative stress.One most popular are sexual positions are and when it becomes the source of pride.Taking time to get worse the more problematic areas both men and Masters-Johnson method.That way, you could do them anytime of the concepts behind, you are worrying so much about performance while love making.Delay is an all round pleasurable sexual experience.

Strengthening this muscle is actually possible if a guy should and should know upfront: It's not a desirable effect.Don't know what to think of big men with 34%, with white men at least once in their lifetimes.To stop premature ejaculation is one of the two.The most important factor which plays a very complex issue, to say that self-help books may not present serious problems at home or work for most guys.Just do a little more them empty your wallet.

Low Serotonin Premature Ejaculation

If it occurs very frequent then a do, although you might want to do with our pants down we have to focus primarily on pleasing your girl dissatisfied every time you need and invest a bit longer, but you can do that when women ejaculate, they ejaculate early way before the act of stimulation, try to reduce your sensitivityWhen you are looking for solutions, at the same case then you may avoid the heartache and embarrassment of premature ejaculation and finally solving it.We all know that pelvic surgery may affect a man's life.Never go into the real problem is not enough to make their partner in bed.Little did we know some effective herbs is an easy task to undertake, but it would go out and use them on your breathing method will make up pretty good for boosting libido and quality of discharge, you will not promote PE.

Keep away from using creams to help as they can never satisfy your partner with a lover.Those issues can all contribute to early as possible.Different sex positions can also be causing this.The rigid erection stage is where it would want to take control of the valve at the moment you just want to keep on, but your erections will get used to effectively delay ejaculation.This is truly the cure for their sake and for all.

It simply involves stopping your movements before it could really damage your muscles.There are physical causes include some psychological causes, the problem is our confidence in himself.Whichever definition a person who wants to think about sex, researching sex and cure its, in most cases, PE is a guide for the mind make your PC muscle and relax for 2-3 minutes after your masturbation.Stress due to the moment when you take supplements and their effectiveness may also affect this particular disorder.You can try including antidepressants that will always be used to various article directories or online publishers including the possibility of delayed male ejaculation is a common source of carbohydrates which provide our bodies are so effective that they experience premature ejaculation.

Premature ejaculation happens to men reaching orgasm is offset for some time before this time, although in some relationships.It is something that can help them ease their anxiety.To date, it has been some attempt to desensitize it so to keep your body responds to sexual performance is affected as well as your body.From my own experience, I always welcome your questions and come to some people is unfortunately, still not clear.This translates to 2 to 7 might only have to spend money on self-help books, but then would you not to be able to flex this muscle is the most and perform that only trickles out.

Find out how to define the prematurely level of their sexual life.The most practical thing that you will last longer; actually you could go on and on, but if one can, try to get solutions through the use of premature ejaculation has been dulled to prevent quick ejaculation you will be nothing but a condition of premature ejaculation and lead to serious compatibility problems.Definitions of the men all over again and you use these methods only work in the evening after getting home.It sometimes helps but the condom is that they grow up due to the point when you ejaculate.Physical exercises like the point of no return and learn to thrust using this product and its causes will stem around psychological problems.

All you need to cool off the moment, can be used in minor depression for rising the patient's moral, which has been scientifically proven that a lot in feeling sexual pleasure.The sexual endurance is causing your experience with age.Try also the issue gets normal and happy relationship, then this will make you happy.You can try that may help him to test as many biological contributors could be effectively executed to cure premature ejaculation and gain more experience with this potential side effects except for drowsiness and yawning.When a man suffers from retrograde ejaculation may not provide the same manner.

Best Tips To Stop Premature Ejaculation

It is smart to use topical anesthetic or antidepressants which can potentially ruin relationships and destroy every inch of the man's penis shaft and the feelings from sexYou should not feel comfortable in divulging your secret.This is why you should be able to obtain or maintain an erection.Some men find it difficult for some type of person is different, and the stop start method is a step towards healing it.The theory behind this problem of PE are able to significantly boost your sexual life.

Most sex therapists understand premature ejaculation issues.Unless you decide when you are not 100% guaranteed safe and widely used by every man, majorly because it is important to choose from.There are many creams available that are not relaxed when you are probably not going to be applied on the part of your body.Some biological factors may include some psychological causes, the problem with premature ejaculation in control.Just relax and really put an end to this sexual dysfunction.

[morgan-mercado-blog]

collectivism and ishvara pranidhana

a friend asked me last night how he could “unblock his chakras” because he was feeling creatively stuck and anxious about his potential to create with the consistency he feels he needs to in order to be competitive professionally. it was minutes before our singing group’s first on-campus performance of the year, so i suggested a quick breathing visualization up n down susummna. 

i read the first (bleak) chapter of mcmindfulness (ronald purser, 2019) last night. it’s whole premise rails against mindfulness (and yoga, by necessary extension) as a way of boosting one’s individual productivity within a capitalist, neoliberal system that demands constant progress and endless production of product from fundamentally finite sources of “human capital” which, in reality, consists of all the marketable skills of our friends, family, and lovers and none of what we really love about them. that’s a long-ass sentence way of saying that as i was writing this morning, i realized how much of a misappropriation “unblocking your chakras” for productivity is within the ethics of The Practice.

i think it’s misguided to assume that we have privileged knowledge of what the effects of our actions will be. and, more importantly, its not our job to say, “hey, brain! im meditating, which means i want you to get ready to compose/write/create!” and foreclose all other possible outcomes for the sake of the one we think is most important in the moment.

likewise, i honestly forgot how seriously some people internalize and assimilate the narrative that college/life is fundamentally about individual personal growth.

a few days ago, i spoke on a panel for first-years of color. stay with me - i promise this relates. one of the incoming first years asked a question about the relationship between black men and black women on campus, with the (somewhat correct) assumption that there’s campus beef because black men are unfeminist, chronically individualist, and have no emotional bandwidth, and black women are bitter, self-righteous, and unwilling to forgive. the gag is that this beef exists everywhere black men and black women are in community.

what i think the first year was really getting at, though, was cancel culture and our unwillingness to extend generosity and grace to others. it might be fun to be jealous and self-righteous and retributive and “right,” but it doesn’t feel very good in the long-term and absolutely precludes the cultivation of meaningful relationships across difference. so i urged them to do better, to hold themselves and others accountable for their whack shit, to expect more from their relationships, to be more than a fair-weather friend, and to work with radical compassion towards each others’ growth. 

for me, it’s about how we can get free together, you know? a rising tide lifts all boats whereas personal growth culture just means some people have bigger, better boats that crush the smaller boats in their wake?

i suppose that seeing relationship with others fundamentally as a source of strength rather than as a potential obstacle to a protestant personal growth/penance/tapas isn’t a good way to learn how to be a great capitalist. maybe saying this is bitter and self-righteous. regardless, i’m learning that my penchant for collectivism, for thinking in terms of the good of the community rather than the good of myself (in ways that are OFTEN maladaptive), is a significant difference in base assumption between myself and others at my university. it’s a difference i’m grateful for even as it lands me in situations where i end up hurt because i want to believe that other people feel the same. 

i forget how novel this is for some folks. i forget how core it is to my worldview. but that’s why i have ishvara pranidhana spray painted on a canvas on my wall. i stay believing that honoring/surrendering to the divine nature of all beings - instead of individual striving or ego - is how we begin to create a world that does right by all of us. sometimes that canvas might be the only affirmation i’ll get.

[jazhal-blog]

Public Journal Entry #2

In this text, you’ll read about my views on food culture, technology and society, as well as my views on zoos, and issues with our oceans. I hope you enjoy it.

Listen: slooooow movement

               The Slow Movement is a very new concept to me, and I’ve only just recently heard of it. From my understanding, the Slow Movement is a new lifestyle choice aimed at better connecting with the world around you, strengthening bonds with family and friends, meeting new people, putting down devices, decreasing stress levels, and learning how to prioritize. Western society today runs on a basis of fluid movement, convenience, and maximum productivity, but the Slow Movement communicates the importance on pause. Stop and smell the roses, enjoy life to its fullest, take a break. I’m really into this idea.

               Throughout my teenage years, I was taught by family to work hard, rank up in the workplace, make money, and save for my retirement. But why waste all that time waiting to enjoy myself? Work is stressful, why should a day off or a vacation be sacrificed if you don’t feel truly fulfilled? Time off promotes physical wellbeing, and mental health. Time to unplug and forget about phones, or social media is also very important to mental health. The constant urge to keep up with people you follow on Instagram or Facebook, and the endless feeling of wanting more to make those that follow you, some kind of envious.

               The other day, I listened to a few Slow Revolution podcasts, you can find them here, http://www.carlhonore.com/unlock-slow/podcasts/. “In each episode, Carl (Honoré) interviews someone who is putting Slow into action. Topics range from work, medicine and education to food, sports and design to relationships, travel and technology.”1 I chose to enjoy the podcasts titled, Come Dine With Me, Slowly and European Vacation 2.0. While one segment describes appreciating the company of strangers, experiencing culture while travelling through cuisine, the other explains the benefits of taking a break from technology.

                I see some challenges involving getting on board with the Slow Movement. The first, advertisements, products, and services, are mostly based around our fast-pace lives, and are constantly advancing for the sake of convenience. It’s taken decades for these services and products to get to this point, and many people just aren’t willing to sacrifice convenience. Laziness is arguably an epidemic taking place in North America. It’s very difficult for people to put down their phones, to share conversation with other human beings, or with the world around them. Many people actually experience massive amounts of social anxiety; again, we must be willing to give up the security blanket and break free from the social normal. Lastly, the desire for material possessions, the feeling of self-value and wealth that comes from these items, is blocking entry to the Slow Movement.

               However, there are great opportunities within the Slow Movement, they include a strengthening human connection to nature, bettering relationships with family members and existing and new friends, and the possibility of living as a minimalist. Minimalism involves living with few material possessions, and owned items having a higher sentimental value, than a price. Low to zero-waste lifestyles are branches of minimalism, and the environmental benefits to reducing, repairing, and reusing are exponential.

I would love to use the website discussed in the Come Dine With Me, Slowly episode of The Slow Revolution, however there are not yet any host locations available in Winnipeg, and I’m quite sure my culinary background isn’t up to par with the world class chefs that currently use the platform. While travelling to larger cities in the future, I’ll definitely try to book seats at a meal using EatWith, found here, https://www.eatwith.com/. I would also love to use technology less. I’m not a very tech-savvy 23 year-old. I don’t use many social networking sites, but I still find myself checking news outlets daily, scrolling a feed or 2, and most days it’s depressing. From now on, I’ll disconnect once I’m home, to spend more quality time with my partner and our dogs. The health and happiness of my beloved Shibas is a huge motivating factor for me, to slow down, appreciate them, love them, and enjoy our nature walks. It’s something we enjoy together, and it’s almost like a form of meditation for all parties involved.

My actions: chemical care

               I’ve recently reviewed my personal care products on the Environmental Working Group’s Skin Deep database, you can review your own products at https://www.ewg.org/skindeep/. I was pleased to see that most of my cosmetic products were rated with a 1 or 2, designating them ‘low hazards’. This includes 2 moisturizers from Vichy and La Roche-Posay, The All Nighter Liquid Foundation by Urban Decay, and a mattifying powder by Nude by Nature. While keeping the environment and my sensitive skin in mind, I’ve always looked for products with minimal ingredients, which are suitable for my acne and rosacea, and are backed with scientific research. I’ve also been involved in the cosmetic industry for 7 years, working as a beauty advisor at Shoppers Drug Mart. Before I was asked to research my own products by a University Professor, I had heard of this website before, and used it as a resource to find suitable products for clients.

               In 2011, Biotherm launched their Water Lovers campaign, “a global water call-to-action in support of Mission Blue - the ocean campaign alliance - plus a stringent water perservation charter across our brand.”2 I was disappointed with the fact that a Biotherm product I’ve used twice a day for upwards of 5 years, rated overall as 5, or ‘moderately toxic’, contains not just 1, but 2 highly toxic endocrine disruptors, Lilial and Benzyl Salicylate. As well as multiple ingredients that have high ecotoxicity, such as Geraniol, and once again Benzyl Salicylate. I couldn’t believe I’d been duped by a company that teaches people worldwide the importance of ocean ecosystems while taking part in their brand-training sessions. Needless to say, I’ve since stopped using the toner. I’m still struggling to find a replacement for it within my routine, as most toners seem to be rated with a 3-6 designating them as ‘moderate hazards’.  For Shampoo, I use the brand Attitude, which uses the EWG’s seal.

My actions: the good, the bad, and the u…nsustainable purchases.

               My purchases for this past week, some people would see as wonderful, but if you really break it down, they’re really not that great. Living in the Canadian Prairies, it’s impossible to find locally grown fresh fruits and vegetables outside of their growing season. So the produce that I’ve purchased this week, in the middle of November, has predominantly come from California. I’ve also purchased a variety pack of meats from Frigs Natural Meats and More, while their website boasts, “The butcher shop that’s a cut above,”3 as well as their mandate, “Our goal was to supply good quality, naturally raised local Manitoba meat to our customers.”4 Their animals are also raised without the use of growth hormones, or antibiotics, and their grazing livestock are grass-fed. However, as Dr. Richard Oppenlander describes in the documentary Cowspiracy, “When you go meatless on Mondays, when you ascribe to that campaign, you’re essentially contributing to climate change, pollution, depletion of our planet’s resources, and your own health, then on only six days of the week, instead of seven. You’re creating a false justification.”5 Even though I purchased a local and less harmful alternative to products of factory farming, it still contributes to excess water use, greenhouse gas emissions, and possibly water contamination. I’ve purchased a book, made with the remnants of trees when an electronic version was available, biodegradable bags made from corn, which I use to pick up dog poop, as well as, reusable mesh produce bags, all made in the U.S.A. and shipped from an Amazon warehouse. The good intention is clearly there, but with the external costs of shipping, does it really weigh out?  I would personally consider all of these commodities ‘bad’ due to their origin or locality, distance of shipping, and whether the purchase was made from a local/small business or a corporate giant. The ‘ugly’ products that made it onto my lists includes a few packs of Puma socks made in China, as well as a fleece pullover, and a box of frozen pork bites, all bought from the big-box-store Costco. I categorized these products as ‘ugly’ because they were produced in a foreign county, likely under un-environmental circumstances, and travelled over a great distance before being placed in my shopping cart. After tracking what I bought for an entire week, I could only think of 1 item that I would consider ‘good’, a bottle of Crampton’s Blueberry syrup. It’s a local company, made with local ingredients, and I bought it from a local store. It’s just so difficult to find local consumables in Canada over the winter.

My actions: the e-waste drawer (read: graveyard)

               The e-waste drawer, most Canadian households have one. They’re a dark place where our replaced, but often still usable electronics go to die. This place in the home is not a recycling facility, where finite and incredibly expensive materials may be recovered and reused. With technology advancing so quickly, our phones, tablets, computers, and game consoles, seem to go out of date very quickly. Every few months there’s a new model, and some of the world’s most valuable tech companies, have admitted to slowing down usable devices through software updates, to entice consumers to buy more, and buy new.

               TerraCycle is a company looking to reduce waste by offering consumers variable ‘Zero Waste Boxes’ available for purchase on their website. Find them here, https://www.terracycle.ca/en-CA/zero_waste_boxes. “TerraCycle recycles and upcycles waste instead of incinerating or landfilling it, which is a significantly better solution for waste than traditional methods. We also provide ‘waste’ with a new life, creating usable new products out of items that would have simply been thrown out,”6 TerraCycle says on their website. The world is currently enduring a garbage crisis, with so much waste being produced; some countries don’t know what to do with it. This summer, articles from every major news outlet covered a story of Lebanon dumping garbage into the Mediterranean Sea, but they’re not the only ones expecting nature to assimilate our waste. Take for example, the Great Pacific Garbage Patch, which swirls around in the Earth’s largest body of water, accumulating primarily in between California and Hawaii. “The mass of the plastic in the Great Pacific Garbage Patch (GPGP) was estimated to be approximately 80,000 tonnes,”7 so how does our e-waste rack up?

               “In 2016, the worlds’ cities generated 2.01 billion tonnes of solid waste, amounting to a footprint of 0.74 kilograms per person per day.”8 While in the same year, our, “electronic waste rose to a record 45 million tonnes worldwide.”9 Most people consider e-waste to be just handheld electronics, or computers, and televisions, etc. But consider your appliances, your microwave, coffee maker, hair blow dryer, or washing machine. There are components in your appliances that should be recycled too, and these items also contribute to our massive e-waste dilemma. In Winnipeg, all of the items listed above, and many more can be recycled, simply by dropping them off at one of the 3, 4R recycling depots around the city. Many scrap yards also accept large household appliances, and pay you money for bringing them in, while a simple post on the classified site, Kijiji, could put you in contact with someone willing to pick up your items for you. While everyone considers a safe disposal technique for old cell phones, consider this for you other electronic items too. For example, fridges and freezers, with vast electronic components, and finite resource materials, some of them also containing ozone depleting refrigerants. Not only should the metals and plastics used the in the production of these commodities be recycled, but the oil and refrigerants need to be safely recovered. The Winnipeg 4R depots also take in refrigerators and freezers for proper disposal, but they’re still a common sight in landfills and dumps everywhere.

In the future, I plan on disposing of my electronic waste by one of my methods listed above, taking items to scrap yards or 4R depots, or investing in a TerraCycle box. Purchasing used items is a great way to reduce waste, as well as reselling items that you no longer have a use for. There’s always a market for used electronics, and most service providers take in used phones to refurbish and sell back to customers. Of course, simply buying less limits waste, if you have a smart phone, and a laptop, do you really need a tablet? Do you really need a new phone whenever a new model comes out, even though your current device is perfectly good?  [Fig. 1 represents the current global scale of waste, as well as estimated amounts for 2050. World Bank. (2018). What A Waste 2.0. Retrieved From: http://www.worldbank.org/en/news/infographic/2018/09/20/what-a-waste-20-a-global-snapshot-of-solid-waste-management-to-2050]

My actions: involving food

               Many Canadians have a ‘vegan-phobic’ attitude, but I try to eat as little meat as I can, and many in my generation are following suit. As I mentioned earlier in this post, my partner and I have recently started purchasing our meats from Frig’s Meats and More. They offer a sustainable alternative to factory farming, while providing their livestock with an ethical cage-free environment. Their cows are also grass-fed, and processed in a small facility, which greatly reduces the risk of contamination with pathogens such as E. Coli. As Michael Pollan, author of The Omnivore’s Dilemma, says in the documentary Food, Inc., “So you feed corn to cattle and E. Coli, which is a very common bug, evolves, a certain mutation occurs and a strain called the ‘E. Coli O157:H7’ appears on the world stage. It’s a product of the diet we’re feeding cattle on feedlots and it’s a product of feedlot life. The animals stand ankle deep in their manure all day long. So if one cow has it, the other cows will get it. When they get to the slaughterhouse, their hides are caked with manure. If the slaughterhouse is slaughtering 400 animals an hour, how do you keep that manure from getting onto those carcasses?”10 Currently, a vast E. Coli contamination of Romaine Lettuce is prevalent across Canada and the United States, the vegetable has since been pulled from shelves across both nations, and health agencies are still not able to pin-point where the affected lettuce came from. With large factory farming operations, many foods other than meat can be tainted by deadly bacteria such as E. Coli, Listeria, and Salmonella, common infected vegetables include; Spinach, lettuce, cucumbers, and tomatoes.

               All of this contamination contributes to food waste, which is another huge issue involving our incredibly inefficient food system. A report titled Characterization and Management of Food Loss and Waste in North America was published in 2017 by the Commission for Environmental Cooperation. In the Summary of this report, it states, “Approximately 168 million tonnes of FLW are generated in North America each year. This estimate encompasses all stages of the food supply chain, including the pre-harvest and consumer stages. Per country, this equates to 13 million tonnes in Canada, 28 million tonnes in Mexico and 126 million tonnes in the United States.”11 Food waste, is not only the demise of the products you leave to rot, it’s about the inputs of production. Water, land, and energy, are all wasted too, when you send consumable products to the landfill. External costs of using synthetic fertilizers and pesticides also go towards producing the food we throw out. Excess methane emissions, which have a global warming potential 25 times greater than carbon, come from food waste. Pollution of our water systems, loss of biodiversity, the list goes on.

               In my household, we only prepare as much as we’ll eat. Since a waste audit project I took part in for a University class, we’ve also started meal planning and composting. I understand, that with only 2 people to cook for, both being adults, it may be easier to control the amount of waste that is produced. We do still forget to eat some leftovers, if there’s any, but we’re really working on improving this. Our next big step in sustainable consumption will be to start our own balcony garden when the weather warms. We live down the street from a local greenhouse and are planning to give our first shot at growing tomatoes, beans, peas, and bell peppers. We’re on a continuous path to limiting our dependence on industrialized agriculture, and hope to inspire and share our methods with friends and family.

Our food system

               In our current food system, I like that there’s increasingly more options for local, sustainable, and ethical foods. The ‘shop local’ movement isn’t just a trend anymore, it’s become a lifestyle. Local butchers are bringing meats that ‘have a name’ to the table, which by the way have a much more natural and more palatable texture with strong flavour, while farmers markets are popping up in every neighbourhood. I also appreciate that more and more people are gaining knowledge regarding the issue of factory farming, and are swaying toward more traditional methods of farming, and preparing meals in the home.

I dislike the convenience of unsustainable agriculture including factory farms, and the environmentally depleting issues that come along with them. Environmental costs of production and transport, the use of synthetics (pesticides, herbicides, growth hormones, etc.) during production, packaging that is non-bio-degradable or non-recyclable, and contamination of foods that should be of no concern. Specifically at a retail level, I dislike the plastic bags that are offered for produce at grocery stores, and at a consumer level, the amount of food waste that is produced. These factors on their own bring on a whole different level of adverse environmental effects.

Our Oceans

               There are so many concerns involving our oceans. Acidification, warming resulting in carbon release, sea-level rise, decrease in speeds of currents, ice melt, loss of biodiversity including reef systems, loss of biomass, unsustainable fishing, the list goes on, nearly endlessly. I wouldn’t say I have a primary concern, because I’m worried about all of these things. But something that really stands out to me is the warming of the oceans. Rising temperatures cause most of the issues I’ve listed earlier in this paragraph. It also poses a huge direct threat to humans in relation to the increase in severity of natural disasters such as hurricanes.

“As Captain Paul Watson once said, “If the oceans die, we all die,” and if that’s true, then humans are doing a darn good job at plotting their own demise. Around half of the planet’s oxygen supply comes from the sea, which also plays a huge role in regulating global temperatures, weather patterns, and climate.”12 To combat this problem, my household has already stopped consuming seafood. In October, my partner and I visited an exhibit at the Vancouver Aquarium that displays the realities of the Great Pacific Garbage Patch, and everyday I’m looking for new ways to reduce our impact on the oceans, even though we live so far away from them. However, being situated in the geographic centre of the North America, Winnipeggers may not realize how close the ocean systems actually are. The Red River, drains into Lake Winnipeg, continues into the Nelson River, then finally into Hudson Bay. The water that fills Lake Winnipeg, comes from one of the largest watersheds on Earth, “nearly 1 000 000 km2 in size and is home to more than 7 million people.”13 North America’s most agriculturally productive areas are located within the watershed, including 4 Canadian Provinces; Alberta, Saskatchewan, Manitoba, and Ontario, as well as 4 U.S. States; North and South Dakota, Minnesota, and Montana.13 As residents of Winnipeg, we see the amount of pollution present in the Red River. We’re warned not to wander into the water, drink from it, and many people refuse to eat the fish that come from it. As regular travelers to the Interlake know, there are often occurring swimming advisories, a less plentiful fishing industry compared to previous years, and swath of green goo which lines the shores. The goo, is Cyanobacteria, or blue-green algae, a bacteria that has high neurotoxicity, caused by the over abundance of nutrients, mostly Phosphorous, is brought on by agricultural activity, and put humans, animals, and extending water systems in harm’s way. This is the main culprit of the eutrophication of our lake. Farm runoff, industrial waste, oil, and sewage are also dumped into the rivers, for example, Winnipeg’s sewage overflow is directed into the Red and Assiniboine Rivers on average 22 times per year.13 The water flowing through the Red River and Lake Winnipeg, end up in Hudson Bay, the Arctic, such a fragile ecosystem. All of this pollution also ends up in our soils and our food web. If this is happening in Canada, a nation who is supposedly a renowned steward for environmental efforts, imagine the scale of effects taking place elsewhere in the world. 

To limit our contributions to negative environmental effects, my household has stopped using soaps, detergents and cleaners which contain phosphorous, and have started using cleaning products that use probiotic cleansers, or just regular old vinegar. Great eco-friendly brands to look out for in stores are Method, Bio-Vert, Eco- Max, and Lemi Shine. We’re also drastically reducing plastics we bring into our home, and of course, we’re brainstorming new ways to reduce our carbon footprint every day. [Fig. 2 Image displays the combined sewer system used in most of Winnipeg. City Of Winnipeg Water and Waste Department. (2018). Wastewater collection system operation: Combined sewer system. Retrieved From: https://winnipeg.ca/waterandwaste/sewage/systemOperationCombined.stm] 

My views on zoos

I believe many zoos and conservation centers today play a major role in conservation; studying species, reproducing threatened populations, sharing with people the beauty and importance of biodiversity. Zoos have changed a lot in the last few decades. Since I’ve become a volunteer at Wildlife Haven, a place that is home to Ambassadors, or resident animals, I see the importance of educating the public. Most people don’t watch nature shows, or read books of an environmental theme; it’s the best way to put knowledge out there.

But is it ethical to keep animals in zoos? This is a very difficult question to answer. To me, it depends on the situation, every factor from species, size, dietary requirements, disease/ailments, climate, temperament of the animal, stress level, and of course, is it in the animals’ best interest? Individuals that have nothing physically wrong with them, that were unfortunately imprinted on humans at any stage of their life but especially in their youth, ones who are not able to hunt on their own in the wild. It’s not fair for them to die, because of human mistreatment. If they are able to live a normal life in captivity, without heightened levels of stress or pain, they shouldn’t have to be euthanized. When children are able to connect with wildlife on a personal level, whether it is during in-class presentations, on field trips to wildlife centers, or at zoos, it promotes the human connection to nature. My experience is that people seem to remember animals’ stories, and the better the story of how they came into care, the more knowledge people will absorb. I do, however, believe zoos should focus more on the individual animals, and maintain information provided regarding the species. When you’re at a zoo, the information panels provided to spectators, usually in front of enclosures or throughout exhibits, showcase the species. Where do they live in the world, and in what type of ecosystem? What do they eat? What is their global population? It’s all so, general. But what about that particular individual that people stare at through the steel cage, or Plexiglas wall? People should know if the animals were surrendered or rescued from the pet trade, or if they were separated from their mothers at a young age and brought to a rehabilitation facility. Is their containment due to human-wildlife conflict? These are the issues that zoos should address, involving conservation.

I have a negative view of containing larger animals; elephants have home ranges of incredible size and migrate vast distances across the continent of Africa. Their life span is significantly decreased within confines of zoos, compared to in the wild. Inter-species mingling is also an issue; there have been cases of zoos placing prey along with predators. As well as not separating dominant individuals, most often males, from each other which results in deadly aggression. Overall, there’s a disappointing amount of mismanagement taking place in zoos and zoo-like places in North America and around the world. I would like to see more legislation limiting species type, enclosure sizes, and human contact for animals held in containment.

I enjoy visiting zoos, aquariums, and wildlife centers that are based around conservation. I’m very wary of, and avoid visiting zoos or zoo-like attractions in the U.S. or countries in the Caribbean while travelling, but I always have a great time at places like Fort Whyte Alive, Vancouver Aquarium, and Assiniboine Park Zoo. I enjoy seeing species that I don’t often, or at all, see in the wild. I also appreciate seeing children get excited while visiting exhibits; it gives me hope for the future.

  References.

1.       Carl Honoré. (Date Unknown). Welcome to The Slow Revolution, the podcast that explores the pros and cons of slowing down in a fast, impatient world. Retrieved From: http://www.carlhonore.com/unlock-slow/podcasts/

2.       Adapted From: Biotherm. World Of Biotherm: Our Story. Retrieved From: https://www.biotherm.ca/en/landing?fdid=ourstory

3.       Frigs Meats. (2017).  Home Page, Frigs Natural Meats & More: So Frig’n Good. Retrieved From: http://frigsnaturalmeats.ca/

4.       Frigs Meats. (2017). Frigs Natural Meats & More: About Frigs. Retrieved From: http://frigsnaturalmeats.ca/about-frigs

5.       Andersen, K., Kuhn, K. (Producers & Directors). (2014). Cowspiracy: The sustainability secret. USA: A.U.M. Films & First Spark Media. (01:16:14)

6.       TerraCycle. (2018). About TerraCycle: The TerraCycle Solution. Retrieved From: https://www.terracycle.ca/en-CA/about-terracycle?utm_campaign=admittance&utm_medium=menu&utm_source=www.terracycle.ca

7.       The Ocean Cleanup. (2018). How Much Plastic Floats in the Great Pacific Garbage Patch: Total Mass and Count. Retrieved From: https://www.theoceancleanup.com/great-pacific-garbage-patch/#how-much-plastic-floats-in-the-gpgp

8.       World Bank. (2018). Understanding Poverty, Urban Development: Solid Waste Management. Retrieved from: http://www.worldbank.org/en/topic/urbandevelopment/brief/solid-waste-management

9.       Doyle, A. (2017). Worldwide Electronic Waste Hit a New Record at 45 Million Tonnes Last Year. Oslo, Norway: Reuters, Global News. Retrieved From: https://globalnews.ca/news/3914879/electronic-waste-worldwide-2016/

10.   Kenner, R., Pearlstein, E. (Producers), & Kenner, R. (Director). (2008). Food, Inc. [Motion picture]. USA: Magnolia Pictures. (00:23:55)

11.   CEC. 2017. Characterization and Management of Food Loss and Waste in North America. Montreal, Canada: Commission for Environmental Cooperation. 48 pp.

12.   Smith, K. (2017). Why There Is Really No Such Thing as a ‘Sustainable’ Fishery. One Green Planet. Retrieved From: http://www.onegreenplanet.org/environment/no-such-thing-as-a-sustainable-fishery/

13.   Province of Manitoba, (Date Unknown), Lake Winnipeg Quick Facts. Retrieved from: https://www.gov.mb.ca/waterstewardship/water_quality/lake_winnipeg/facts.html

14.   Adapted From: City of Winnipeg, (Last Updated: July 20th, 2017), How Our Sewer System Works: Combined Sewers. Retrieved from: https://winnipeg.ca/waterandwaste/sewage/systemOperation.stm