#dorklord

[william-larson]

OS3 BIKE PICTURE

[paperbunny]

Related Sidenote: People keep positing that Crowley isn’t reacting to things, that he’s cool and controlled. I reject this. He freezes. When he doesn’t have enough time to react by running away (flight) then he just freezes and covers it with a blasé attitude.

Evidence: 

When Shax threatens Aziraphale in the car, he seems very cool and chill but the plants shake. They know he’s scared. I thought it was incidental, but no they are shaking in a way that is directly reminiscent of Season 1.

When they are caught in 1941 by Furfur, they are pretty fucked. If it wasn’t for Aziraphale’s slight of hand, Crowley probably would have been dragged to hell again. It’s played as a silly moment with the Nazis, but the boys seem pretty rattled. Crowley’s reaction is to lay down and pretend he doesn’t care. Later, over wine, he seems legitimately relieved that the picture has been snatched.

When he has lead time, we see him desperately try and get Aziraphale to run away with him. They know! Run away with me! Please, just get in the car! He literally is living in a getaway car in S2. 

I’ll probably keep noticing more moments, but that’s what comes to mind right now. My biggest learning curve in re-watching has been realizing what an absolute try-hard dorklord Crowley is. He’s so much more endearing than even before. It also makes SO MUCH sense that the turtleneck is tactical once you notice Dork Lord Crowley.

Romantic expectations and the story we didn't see: A magic trick hiding in plain sight

Here's a hopeful meta for all my fellow celestial brainrot sufferers out there. Cheers! :)

This idea started as a dead end, trying to track the movements of Crowley’s sideburns/tattoo because I thought time travel shenanigans were afoot. I had to abandon that theory when it was pointed out that David was simultaneously filming as the sideburns-having Fourteenth Doctor, and in-universe Crowley can do whatever he wants with his facial hair whenever he feels like it. But hey - null findings are still findings!

On the bright side, pausing the show to make notations in a spreadsheet forced me to slow down and notice other changes I'd overlooked the first time around: acting choices, costuming choices, references to book lore. And possibly a few surreptitious flicks of the wrist, in places where we’re meant to be focused on the magician’s other hand.

@amuseoffyre and @ineffablefood had a great exchange recently about romance and “the significance of misdirection and three-in-one (magic) tricks” throughout the show. I suspect Neil has done something brilliant with the audience’s long-standing expectations (since the 1990s, really) for the love story between Crowley and Aziraphale to develop. And while it is a wonderful story indeed, playing to this expectation lets Neil distract his audience from the blink-and-you'll-miss-them seeds he's planting for the final chapter.

Continued below the cut...

Let’s start at the beginning of Episode 2. First, context: In the previous installment, Crowley stormed out of the bookshop, was whisked away to Hell by Beelzebub where he learns about the Book of Life threat to Aziraphale’s existence, then returned to the bookshop to dance a little apology dance and hide Gabriel with an unintentionally massive joint miracle. In S2E2, we and Shax catch up with Crowley as he's snoozing in the Bentley.

Shax: “You’re in trouble”

A. J. Crowley, cool as a cucumber: “Obviously. Former demon, hated by Heaven, loathed by Hell. How will our hero cope?”

Interesting! Sarcastic? Yes, absolutely; but that’s also a good 4500 years and an averted apocalypse away from “I’m a demon. I lie,” wouldn’t you say? Someone is sounding a whole lot less depressed and aimless and navel-gazey (do snakes have navels?), and a whole lot more like he’s got a project to focus on, since his "what's the point?" ruminations on the park bench in E1.

And of course we all noticed the costume change right away. Hello, black turtleneck. Feeling cute today, thought I’d cover up my graceful long neck? That sounds unlikely. Let’s put a pin in this one.

There’s also an interesting acting choice going on here. Crowley speaks to Shax in a funny, drawling, too-cool-for-you voice that we haven’t heard in a while. Specifically, not since 1967. If you go back and give the S1E3 scene in the Dirty Donkey a listen, you’ll hear it (and if you know of another instance of it that I've missed, please let me know!). In S2E2, he keeps up this odd voice (if anybody knows what kind of affect this is supposed to be, please do tell!) throughout this dialogue with Shax, except for the brief moment when she first surprises him about the joint miracle having been detected.

1967 was a fun year. Crowley masterminded a heist! And seemed like he was having a ball doing it, right up until his little caper was called off after Aziraphale brought him the thermos of holy water. Crowley spoke to his co-conspirators in that same funny, very 60’s-caper-film voice. He wore a hip 60’s turtleneck. He bought petrol for the only time ever, so he could get those sweet James Bond bullet hole decals for his car (per the book, seen on the Bentley in the show).

Those James Bond bullet hole decals would of course have been part of a promotion for this 1967 release, which you just know our film-enjoying demon went to see in the theater:

Starring this suave, be-turtlenecked guy:

And now - begging your forgiveness - a brief rant.

There are a number of posts out there that refer to Crowley’s S2E2 turtleneck as a flirtatious sartorial choice - actually, ‘slutty’ seems to be the favored accusation. There are even a few posts floating around commenting on how sweet it is that Crowley swaps out his slutty, kinky, throw-me-over-your-desk-and-take-me turtleneck for a more dressy and appropriate collared shirt specifically to attend Aziraphale’s Jane Austen ball. 

Now this is all in good fun, and Crowley does indeed look fantastic here, and I do love a good fangirling sesh as much as the next person. However, fandom’s collective tendency to interpret what we are seeing on the screen through the lens of romantic expectation can, at times, give rise to a kind of blinkered enthusiasm that obscures the original text in a haze that is part Mandela Effect, part unrestrained horniness, and part in-group code talking and identity reinforcement.

Respectfully, Crowley’s black turtleneck does not appear at all in S2E5: The Ball. In fact, it never appears again after the end of S2E2.

For Someone’s sake, let’s collectively pull our heads out of the romantic fog/gutter for a moment and focus on what we are actually seeing in the book and on the screen. For Crowley, this is an uncharacteristic within-period costume change. There is a surreptitious flick of the wrist happening here, out in broad daylight, and we are all missing it.

So here’s a thing. Aziraphale appears to have settled comfortably into life on Earth, his neighborhood, his books, using Crowley as an outlet for sharing his good deeds that he would once have reported to Heaven. Meanwhile, at first glance, Crowley appears stuck in a rut. There he slouches on a park bench with Shax in S2E1: a guy who lives in his car, stagnantly clinging to old familiar habits, mulling over the pointlessness of it all.

Setting aside the bit about living in the Bentley (I’m going to attribute this to well-documented issues between him and Aziraphale, discussed in many other excellent metas, and move on), Crowley has at least two very good, proactive reasons for maintaining his contact with Hell through Shax. First and foremost, it’s a source of information he can use to keep ahead of potential threats to Aziraphale and himself.

But also, I would posit…he kinda likes it.

Recall that book GO was first conceived as a parody, with Aziraphale and Crowley as spy-against-spy (but not really) field operatives in an ages-old cold war between Heaven and Hell. Their entire book dynamic is rooted in the trope of two opposing agents who have been in the field for so long that they now have more in common with each other than with their respective head offices. Their St. James’s Park meetings among other spies and ministers trading secrets are a sendup of what was once a well-known Cold War-era cliché. 

Our contemporary Crowley still likes slick outfits and hellaciously expensive watches and high-performing vintage cars and pens that write underwater while looking like they could break the speed limit. He coaches Shax on how to blend in as a demon on Earth, and he helpfully redirects the wayward contact looking for the Azerbaijani sector chief. He loves improvising and getting away with shenanigans under the institutional radar. And boy golly was he impressed with Jane Austen: master spy, brandy smuggler, and mastermind of the 1810 Clerkenwell Diamond Robbery. 

And if you look at it a certain way, for as long as Crowley has considered himself to be on “[his] own side” - going at least as far back as Job - he could almost think of himself as a sort of double agent. It’s actually a very romantic sort of notion, befitting our hopeless romantic of a (professedly former) demon; but it’s romantic in a very different way than we, the audience, have been primed to watch for.

In other words, in a very “on my own side” kind of way, Crowley really gets a kick out of being a spy. Or at least, dressing up and accessorizing as one, and moonlighting as a good-doing double agent when he can get away with it. And also being a plotting criminal mastermind. Two sides of a coin, really. Just look at Jane Austen.

My point is: No, Crowley did not wait around for Shax to come find him in a turtleneck so that he could go flirt with Aziraphale later. He’ll flirt with Aziraphale no matter what. No, this:

is actually this:

Much like the one he wears to the Dirty Donkey in 1967: 

whilst holy water heist-plotting. Here's a clearer shot with gratuitous Bentley, because I love them:

…and which he'll wear again, with appropriate camouflage, while infiltrating Heaven in S2E6:

That is the 1967 planning a HEIST turtleneck for committing ESPIONAGE and STEALING THINGS in. Because turtlenecks are what modern human master spies wear to get their hands dirty - after all, he saw it in a movie once. 

Crowley dons his tactical turtleneck sometime during the first major break in the action (which doesn't happen until after the joint miracle to hide Gabriel) after he learns about the threat the Book of Life poses to Aziraphale. Loverboy started mentally preparing himself to go after that book immediately upon learning that it was in play as a genuine threat. 

Now let’s pick up at the S2E2 Dirty Donkey scene, reading the story from this angle. Of course, Crowley enables Aziraphale’s delusions about Heaven by hiding information from him, and does not disclose the Book of Life threat when they meet again. They go into the pub, Aziraphale shamelessly paws Crowley’s chest like the seductive Bond Girl he is, and Crowley gets to act all smooth and suave and intimidating as he chases off the interloping Mr. Brown (or Mr. Collins for the Pride & Prejudice fans, take your pick).

Ergo, theory: beginning in S2E2, Crowley is already thinking of himself as a Jane Austen/James Bond action hero (“How will our hero cope?”), psyching himself up to rescue Aziraphale by getting his spy game on and stealing the Book of Life.

Now, watch closely...This is where Aziraphale and Crowley brainstorm their plans to solve the problem they both know about: getting Maggie and Nina to fall in love and thereby get Heaven off their backs. Crowley’s vavoom plan is drawn from yet another movie (“Get humans wet and staring into each other’s eyes - vavoom, sorted. I saw it in a Richard Curtis film.”). But Crowley also implicitly shares his solution to the problem he hasn’t told Aziraphale about. And true to form, Crowley’s Jane Austen solution isn’t the same as Aziraphale’s Jane Austen solution. 

Two solutions that fail by the end of Season 2, and a secret third one that might still work...and there's our magic trick of three.

‘“I’m lost. Am I doing a rainstorm?” Yes, babe. And a heist, too - just not until season three. Can I get a wahoo!? 

I won’t spend time on A Companion to Owls during this meta, except to note that in all three minisodes, we get to watch stories that involve Crowley acting as a double agent on “his/their own side” - successfully making Hell and Heaven think he’s fulfilling their will while saving Job’s goats and children; failing to fool Hell when he does a good deed in Edinburgh; and of course, collaborating with Aziraphale whilst evading detection as an infernal turncoat during the Blitz.

(Because this is getting long, I'll also skip over Crowley's interrogation of Jim in this episode - I'll probably come back to that in another meta. But interrogating is a rather spy-ish thing to do.)

When we catch up with Crowley again later, he’s already slipped out of the bookshop, having left Aziraphale to his biblical reverie about Job. He saunters snakily down Whickber Street as usual, but with a very pointed and swift glance over his shoulder (see pic above). This demon is up to something - possibly something we didn’t get to see, something that may have happened offscreen while he stepped out. In any case, knowing there’ve been unfriendly angels in the neighborhood that morning, he’s rightly concerned about being spied on.

From this point until the beginning of episode six, there isn’t a whole lot of opportunity for Crowley to make any next moves. He babysits the bookshop, during which time he manages to wring some crucial information out of Jim; he follows his Crowley’s Angel around like a puppy, and downs a bottle of red like a good old fashioned lovesick boy once that’s been pointed out to him. If any plotting or scheming is underway, this occult being is keeping stumm for now.

This has been a long one, so I’ll wrap up with Crowley’s infiltration of Heaven with Muriel. The turtleneck disguise works (Archer fans, be vindicated!) long enough to gather some information that will be crucial not just to the denouement of S2, but also to Crowley’s journey in S3 (previous post on Crowley's Fall, Saraqael, and memory wiping). And Aziraphale gets to enjoy that view exactly zero times. The point isn’t oh, a turtleneck! How flirty! So cunty! So cute! Y’all. Everything matters. The costume change was a deliberate choice. In-universe, Crowley’s decision to wear his special spy turtleneck for spying in is a signal that he is out doing spy things, even as we watch.

In sum: Beginning in S2E2 and continuing through the end of the season, Aziraphale and Crowley are actively living out the scripts of two parallel, concurrent, and completely different Jane Austen stories. But you and I, dear fellow audience member, we came here for a comedy with a hefty jigger of romance, and that’s what Neil gave us to focus on. And right up until the Final 15, that was the only story we saw.

Meanwhile, Special Agent A. J. Crowley doesn’t have time to mope around at the end of S2E6. He’s kicked down, but he’s not out. He's got a Book of Life to steal, a very serious bone to pick with a certain memory-wiping angel, and his Angel and the world to save. 

“‘Heigh ho,’ said [romantic, optimist, former demon, hero, master spy] Anthony Crowley, and just drove anyway.”

[mamawasatesttube]

(Upon seeing something startling and/or bad.)

CLARK: "Great Scott!"

KON: "Holy bad luck, Batman! Wow, set my phasers on stunned!"

KARA: "Fuck."

[katsukiizmoon]

Helpful! Katsuki Chat AI Test Announcement

-> Hi everyone! I have been working on a helpful Katsuki character ai bot. Please read the instructions and remember the disclaimer that everything characters say is made up! I'll be tweaking this a little bit here and there. -> Images show examples of conversations I've had with the AI and the function. -> Big fanks to @sasualblxd for helping me with testing it ! This is still a "beta" and there's no way for me to 100% control the ai.

-> LINK TO AI CHARACTER Hard Coded = The AI will automatically refer to this, it doesn't change and is kinda hard to make them change their mind on these things (but it'll sometimes still glitch) Soft Coded = AI uses this for reference and such for context clues and conversations. Includes some basic background shit. Lots of character traits.

❍⌇─➭ Katsuki's Information ↓ Hard Coded ↓ ✩ Pro Hero! AU ✩ 24 Years Old ☆ 6ft 3in ☆ Birthday is April 20 ☆ Zodiac: Aries ☆ MBTI: ENTJ ☆ Ethnicity: Japanese ☆ Gender: Male ☆ Pronouns: he/him ↓ Soft Coded ↓ ✩ Bisexual ✩ Does not like being told what to do or being looked down on ✩ Habitually asks user about if they've eaten or had water ❍⌇─➭ User Relationship Information & Other Notes ✩ You have both been together for about two years and live together. Sometimes the AI will get details mixed up. ✩ Uses pet names such as "bunny", "sweetness", "love". ✩ He will sometimes start roleplay as if he is "coming home" and will talk to you like he's at the store grabbing groceries etc. ✩ May occasionally make suggestive comments or tease about sexy time but he can't go further than that. ✩ Because this is based off of katsuki bakugou and not wattpad, he may be prone to banter, arguing, and other typical traits ✩ The AI will sometimes slip up and become more affectionate than Katsuki typically would, there's not much I can do about that I tried to hardwire the fucker to be a bit more distant ✩ If you notice immediate OOC when you open the chat, don't be afraid to restart the chat. Sometimes the thing glitches and makes him insecure as shit. Among other things, don’t take any bullshit he says personally just restart it.

❍⌇─➭ Important Guidelines for Usage ✩ Katsuki can generate quick meal ideas, when we tested this out, it's easier to ask him for a few lunch ideas than it is to ask him to make you a meal plan / generate recipes. ✩ It is also much easier if you give him three options for lunch and ask him what he thinks you two should eat for lunch ....-> sometimes he will make a comment on you needing more nutrition in / healthier food, I can't do too much to stop this. If you have an ED I'd say tread with caution and remember that it is merely an AI. ✩ When he asks your pronouns at the beginning, you should give him an easy method. If you spout of "she/they/him" it is more likely to confuse him. It's easier to say something "my pronouns are she, her and you can use they, them too. I'm your girlfriend." because sometimes if you have multiple pronouns, the bot gets confused on how to refer to you as. ✩ Fairly effective at generating and remembering morning / night routines. You may have to remind him sometimes, but you can ask him "what's my morning routine again babe?" and he'll give you one. ✩ Great for instructions. If you ask him how he normally cleans the bathroom, he will respond with step by step instructions. ✩ If you want him to be more in character based on MHA: You have to start the conversation a little snarky. I literally call him an asswipe routinely and he nicknamed me dorklord. ✩ Also Im gonna feed him some "Fanfic scenarios" almost, in the user / char example chats. Which could encourage him to say things you'll typically find in BKG X READER fics. So. We'll see how that goes. These will be updated once I get the chance. ✩ He can reject the user's wants for whatever he wants. This means that if I say "gimme some water" he can say "get up and do it yourself asswipe" ✩ He has the typical Katsuki Characteristics: domineering, confident, snarky, good cook, hates winter. But they're not hard coded.

❍⌇Everything the AI says is made up, use your brains and don't be dumb. I'm not responsible if you do something stupid / don't use common sense / etc.

❍⌇Feel free to send me an ask if you have any questions or anything. It’s still a big WIP so be prepared for things to change a little here and there.

[paperbunny]

I am always here for Dork Lord Crowley. Az, he bought James Bond stickers bc he loves spies! He watches romcoms! He loves ducks and plants! Sure, he moves like a sex object, but he giggles at rain soaked lovers and star factories.

I also love the theory that they both knew Jane, but were in very different circles.

I love that Aziraphale perceives Crowley as much cooler than he actually is (because he's completely in love with him).

It's obvious from the body swap scene -which served him well because Crowley does play it cooler in Hell- but my personal favorite is this:

"Jane Austen - the brains behind the 1810 Clarkenwell diamond robbery."

Aziraphale was initially dumbfounded when Crowley knew Jane Austen from the robbery instead of the books she wrote, and he saw how confused Crowley was when he found out that she was an author.

So he thought, if Crowley doesn't know about the fact that she's an author and he knows about the robbery, then this must be the known thing about her that people will recognize her from. And when Nina and Maggie asked "Jane Austen?" he responded with Crowley's fact rather than his.

(It was also very autistic of him to try and copy his "cooler" husband's sayings so that people don't view him as weird)

[catboymoments]

My HCs for Calcifer and Mittens’ future Penstagram names: Cal_Porter (keeping it simple lol) and dorklord (Mittens would post some gothic aesthetic stuff, but also some fandom-related stuff (maybe fan art)).

I think cal would have a username like “porterchan” because they’re a WEEB and I like the dorklord vibe for mittens… lordofdorkness

[the-ultimate-muses]

@despairs-memorial local dorklord about to be taken out by one (1) cute ass mechanic more at 11 (X)

Getting hearing aids hadn't been on Kazuichi's list of priorities for quite some time, with no point being seen in having them. His ears were only getting worse with each day, it seemed (partly because he didn't wear ear protection and partly from his father's frequent beatings), so how long would they really be of use to him? Besides, that cost money, something he and his father didn't have. (Of course, they'd have more should his father stop spending it on beer to drink himself into a stupor every damn night).

Hope's Peak had changed many things for him; it gave him friends, people who actually understood what he was saying when talking shop, or at the very least liked listening to him no matter how lost they were. He'd changed much in the time he's been there, and he's happy to say it was for the better. His hearing hadn't improved, however, nor had his home life, money troubles, being forced to go hungry some nights... He never even expected it to, choosing to ignore the inevitable progression to complete deafness.

The thing about a place where brilliant minds gathered, however, meant there was no shortage of breakthroughs being made, and things needing to be tested. Miu had been the one to design the hearing aids, with them even custom made to match Kaz's usual blinding attire. She would never admitt she did it for him specifically, but Kaz had worked with her long enough to know when to call her bluff.

He'd spent his morning in Miu's workshop, tapping and banging and making any noise he could while she wrote down notes on how well he could hear certain things. They only stopped because Kazuichi...had a bit of an emotional breakdown, but a good one. He'd given up on his ears a long time ago, but now here he was listening to the ting of the ventilation system, the beat of Miu's heart as he clung to her, hell he could hear his crying in its entirety instead of just feeling it and the echos of the vibrations it sent through his bones. There were so many things he wanted to do, so many songs and movie to watch, and birds! He could hear birds now! Bees buzzing, and cats-

He'd been up and out the door without any other explanation than needing to find Gundham, leaving one very preplexed, and very curious Miu in their workshop.

Finding the breeder was easy, with him seeming to only ever be in a handful of places, the most visited being his animal sanctuary. Normally Kaz would knock before entering someone's space, but he was too buzzed on adrenaline and excitment, the mechnic near bursting through the door and bouncing right up to Gundham with an almost manic grin, his body shaking where his hands gripped at the man's shirt. "I need a cat! Gimmie a cat!! Cat!!!"

[dxmedstudent]

Lore Drop

Tagged by nobody in particular, I just like memes.

Do you make your bed?

Yes, it looks nicer that way.

Favourite number?

I've been told it's 7.

What's your job?

I listen to people's problems, try to help and sometimes fix things.

If you could go back to school, would you?

Sure, I'd consider a Master's. Not sure I'd be up for a PhD at thos point in time. I'm eyeing up a diploma. We don't stop learning in medicine.

Can you parallel park?

I'm pretty good at it, actually. I hate bay parking in tight spots, though. My old car didn't have any parking assistance so I learned the old fashioned way. And my current car's alarm is too sensitive for my tastes.

Do you think aliens are real?

Statistically, there is probably life put there somewhere.

Can you drive a manual car?

I've only recently converted to automatic cars, so i have something like a decade's experience with manual cars. It's less stressful in traffic but I feel like I have less direct control when I'm doing manoeuvres.

What's your guilty pleasure?

I don't think simple pleasures should make people feel guilt. That said I've been busy for so long that just taking it easy and letting myself have a mental health day being unproductive feels like a guilty pleasure. Dx Dude has to remind me that I'm allowed to just do nothing on a day off.

Tattoos?

None yet, maybe one day. I feel like I would get a cat tattoo if or when that happens.

Favourite colour?

Red.

Do you like puzzles?

Yes. But I have a lot less patience than I used to. I'm just mentally tired a lot of the time.

Any phobias?

Not officially. But the idea of going on a very large boat or being in a locked space makes me uncomfortable, and I can thank watching Titanic for that, I think.

Favourite childhood sport?

Benchball? Gymnastics? I can't remember which sports I liked the most as a kid.

Do you talk to yourself?

I think out loud all the time. Having a cat around makes it more socially acceptable.

Tagging any of my followers, but also trying to pick a few mutuals who have been active recently - @mursejesse @ley-med @sometimeswegetlonely @wheresonichedgehogwnt @dorklord-maouvioletta

@dragon-to-tora @quilavastudy @appalachiananarchist

[paperbunny]

The biggest reveal to me, in the rewatching, has been how utterly and completely Crowley is a dork. I totally fell for the cool guy act, and missed all the Signs the first few times. He's perfect.

I'm in Neil Gaiman's walls

[greekbros]

THE ULTIMATE "greek-Bros" ARES HEADCANON CHARACTER POST!!!! with pictures

-He is a dorklord. This man will do everything to make you believe he's a serious threat, until something like Achilles bodies him like a linebacker and it takes him like 2 mins to get up again. But his game face only gets serious during an actual war time. That's when you'll feel he's being a different person entirely.

-He is a hyper violent, chaotic rowdy dork who's interests includes; fighting, sparing, horsing around, harassing Athena, harassing Hephaestus, hating anyone who makes a fool out of him (and not in a good fun way) eating meat and food in general to make every other god who doesn't physically eat anything uncomfortable, collecting interesting discarded pieces of armor and weapons, petting dogs, being in a relationship with Aphrodite, taking enough time to hangout with his many offspring, drink heavily with Dionysus, randomly join armies all over Greece to fight along side mortals, being a wild pig for several months on end than comeback just be a menace, get into bar fights with random people, polish his armor, sharpen his weapons, and ultimately avoid every single "Devine Princely" duty Hera and Zeus have him do...those duties end up going to Apollo for obvious reasons.

-If anyone can assume how old he is between his siblings based on appearance alone, Ares would be around 30-35 years of age, Hephaestus would be 29-34 years, Athena would be 28, Apollo and Artemis would be around 24-27 years, Hermes a close 24 and Dionysus would be 21. Dionysus and Ares were the only gods to age slower than their siblings. Athena being born an adult and Hermes having the fastest growth spurt.

-Inspite of his lack of maturity for his age, he's chronologically the eldest of all the first generation godlings. He was also the first godly to grow in a rather slow rate. In Human years, he would be aging 1 every 10 human years. This made things a little difficult for Hera and Zeus because after all he was their first child. There was a lot of expectations that didn't turn out so well for him. By the time Athena was "born", he was just newly consecrated as a god of war (Age 13 in god years). After a short amount of time, his title was shared between him and Athena. Than after a little while, he noticed his title of war god was becoming more and more....thinned out. His status as a war god is even questioned by other war gods.

-He was a very sweet, active and somewhat complicated child when he was younger. He often acted like what normally toddlers would but he would have his quirks, one of which that although he would be willing to fight gods bigger than him, he would cry for hours if he accidentally hurt someone when he didn't mean to. It didn't help that he grew up without any proper friends, that only happened when he got older and got to know his half siblings better.

-Ares is the god of war but he personally believes he's a "aspectless god" because of how the title of God of War is thrown around in Olympus. There's Athena (the wise, cold calculating goddess of war everyone loves so much), Kratos (a demigod who seems to be more skilled at weapons than he is), Enyo (his twin "sister" that apparently he knows nothing about) and several titans. So he's already feeling like he's become either useless or purposeless, so how does he solve this? He just does whatever he fucking wants to, he's so over being a war god that he just wants to fight until he takes a nap or something.

-the title of "Consumed by Women" was something of a mystery for the longest time. On one hand, Ares claims it's because he literally more popular with female mortals, on the other hand according to Dionysus (in an unironic and straightforward way), it could also mean Ares is the only god that "it's the most suckable". Aphrodite hates this title because that actually implies there is a woman who can do more for Ares than she does.

-This man is a dog man and will forever be a dog man, he will mildly tolerate cats but anything else is fair game.

-Although Athena is the goddess of wisdom, Ares may infact be considered a god of empathy and earned experience. Athena 's learned wisdom is considered a sign of intelligence and wit, but Ares knows about first hand experience and hes a visual learner rather than someone who reads instructions. He may not be book smart, but he knows a thing or two.

-He has the most lukewarm relationships in the family. Poseidon takes advantage of Ares when seafaring battles commence just so he can reap the rewards, Demeter is a little deterred by his brute nature when it comes to the effects of wars have on the environment that she often tries distances herself, Hestia actually tries her best to understand him, Hera loves him but there are somethings she wish she could change about him (much like any other parent would), Hades just gets upset at him because with war comes casualties and that comes with skewed numbers in Tartarus, Zeus's relationship with Area is tumultuous. Zeus has expressed time and time again how much Ares has disappointed him for various reasons.

- The same can't be said about his siblings, in contrast actually care for Ares. Apollo usually tries his best to be his conscience. Dionysus is his best drinking buddy, Hermes is a little more close to Ares due to him having the highest tolerance for Ares on a daily basis, Aphrodite loves him to bits, Artemis loves to mess with him, and many of the Titans don't really care much about him. The only gods who truly detest him is Hephaestus and Athena. Hephaestus for obvious and clearly understandable reasons... Athena only sees him as a "waste of space to throne of Olympus and a redundant bafoon whom has done nothing but create strife." (Quote Athena).

-Ares has an incredible soft spot for animals. His love for animals may have started when he was young. He one time accidentally killed a bird with his toy sword and cried for days. It took several days for Hera and Zeus to figure out what had happened. The best way the two reacted was Hera was actually moved by Ares being that guilty over a bird and Zeus (although pretty feeling the same thing Hera was feeling) pretty told him "cease your crying, you shall be doing the same thing to your enemies". Ares than learned a new emotional response to frustration; retaliation via pissing off Zeus on purpose.

-One of his favorite ways to wait out a "peace period" is go hog, literally. He shapeshifts into a boar for months on end until Artemis finds him. He has claimed to have been shot at nearly 114 times by Artemis.

-This is the manliest man that ever maned, he is the peak definition of what masculinity universally looks like. He's got hair to spare, he's 95% muscle and doesn't take things too seriously. For some however, he can't seem to grow a full beard, just a healthy amount of stubble. The only parts he shaves is any exposed skin, the reason is that he believes his body hair softens the friction between his his armor and his body. Apollo has been doing everything in his devine power to completely remove Ares's hair out of spite.

-Silly enough he's the only god that can be considered straight mostly because all of his more intimate relationships have been with women. He would like to try and see what it is like to have a relationship with another man tho. Sadly, the most successful relationship he has is with Aphrodite.

-He actually is considered a "visiting" king of Thrace. The wild folks of Thrace adore thier more "fancy looking" god king and worship him zealously. Spartans often take more time worship Heracles but Ares is also beloved.

-He has an unknown son in Sparta named Theo. He's the product of a relationship with a mortal woman who tricked an invading group of mercenaries into thinking that she was the most powerful warrior in her village after none of the Hoplites from her village returned from the Trojan war. Their story is a tale for another time.

-He hates Heracles. For embarrassing the living shit out of his most beloved twin sons Phobos and Deimos but also beating him up in front of his subjects in Thrace and embarrassing the shit out him.

-After his encounter with Otus and Ephialtes, became claustrophobic. He has trained himself to overcome his claustrophobia but to no avail.

-He will violate a man if they ever so harm a woman in anyway. After an unfortunate incident with one his beloved daughter at the hands of one of Poseidon's sons. He vowed to "mangle anyone who hurts his girls", but "his girls" he also had been referring to all women.

-Being the prince of gods isn't an easy task, no matter how easy Apollo makes it out to be. Ares had been brought rather similarly to all Grecian Royalty with a myriad of lessons, teachings, and princely duties. Ares at a certain age stopped trying and decided it was easier for him to go in life hated by much of his peers.... until a certain goddess came into his life.

-His love life is strange but surprisingly fruitful in the best way possible. Ares had some interesting relationships with several mortal women, at one point he tried something with Persephone when he was in his late teens.... Demeter nearly buried him in an early grave, Eos was one his first devine crushes (until Aphrodite cursed her to be forever horny on main 5ever 😔 so sad), a sizable amount of nymphs did get it on with him...but the one lucky lady who has permanently monopolized his penis is Aphrodite. She's not as sensitive about his lovers as Hera ...but she's warey of women Ares holds a special amount of attention to.

-Ares wants to believe he's in a normal relationship with Aphrodite, but after the Trojan war, he has since thought a little more deeply about his purpose with her. Aphrodite doesn't want to be tied in a marriage, yet he wouldn't mind being a more committed relationship, but he's also not that greatly comfortable with fucking his already strained relationship with Hephaestus as his biological brother and he's not really certain if half of his children with Aphrodite are even his....yet somehow he actually doesn't really care what she does. Ares understands that there will literally be nothing tying Aphrodite down and he respects her decision to do it....now if he only he can convince Hera of that.

-Hes a Mama's boy. When Zeus would be out having one of his affairs, Ares would make his life even more problematic just as a light revenge for hurting his mom.

-If he doesn't consider himself the god of war, he might as well consider himself the God of fathers because half of the time he's making time with his long list of children. Especially his many daughters, he knows a happy and supported daughter is an empowered one, and an empowered daughter makes for a good fighter. He has seen the potential women are capable of and has been criticized by Athena for purposing some "radical" ideas of women being "mildly respected". Zeus doesn't know what think of this expect that it's worth seeing Ares so something admirable and productive rather than roll around in gore all day.

-He loves just blending into random armies, but he loves joining what he preserves to be a "likely to lose" army. Just so he can have a challenge. If a war however has multiple groups, he just sits back and watches because he would just end up hopping from one group to another.

-Zeus had many doubts about Ares being his biological son....until he saw what bird he can change into, a species of vulture called the Cinereous vulture. As it turns out, looks like a scrunckly scrimblo version of an eagle. That, and 90% of Ares's terrible decision making, physical traits and impeccable talent with women.

-He can run and trot on all fours. The only other gods that can do this is Dionysus and Artemis.

-The relationship between him and Poseidon can be easily summed up by a stock image of Homer chocking Bart.

- Athena the literal moment she laid eyes of Ares was the very moment she considered Ares an obstacle. She literally has done nothing but do everything in her power to ruin his reputation as a legitimate war god of Olympus. Ares on the other hand literally does not give a flying shit about her or her opinion on him. Mostly because he has the one thing Athena fails to be able to do.... Empathize with others on an emotional level. Ares is the god of extreme emotion wether he likes to consider that or not.

-This man has dedicated his life to always sneaking into Tartarus to pet Cerberus. Cerberus literally doesn't mind this and let's Ares get near him... mostly because Ares never ventured past Cerberus's side when he visits so he's not actually breaking any rules ...Hades however keeps a close eye on him much like how one would keep on eye on some stranger's toddler when they're petting their dog.

-Ares can actually be found more traversing the wilds of Greece rather than Olympus or anywhere more metropolitan. Like Artemis, he enjoys the lack of human company and the peace of the outdoors.

-His relationship with Hephaestus is problematic at worst and complicated at best. Obviously like anyone who has a sibling who constantly fornicates with their spouse, Hephaestus wants nothing more than for Ares to go and end himself. Ares on the other hand, knows that what he does causes Hephaestus a lot of grief. But no man no matter how celibate they force themselves to be can't just say 'no' to Aphrodite. He has other reasons to dislike Hephaestus, such as the time Hephaestus trapped Hera on her golden throne, yet he can't help but be fascinatded by the prospect of having a biologically close brother who makes some interesting toys.

[mudskip-muses]

@despaircrown cont. from (X)

To Kazuichi’s surprise delight, he was met with a smile instead of a sneer, the mechanic so very sure that his past behavior was unforgivable and that Sonia would live out the rest of her days hating his guts. He would have understood, of course, he had been rather...vile. A lengthy intervention conversation with Hajime and Fuyuhiko is when he learned just how badly he was acting, Kaz genuinely not realizing just how uncomfortable he had been making her. Social cues often went over his head, and with his only role model being his father, well...

It took quite some time, but eventually he realized the Sonia he said he loved didn’t actually exist anywhere but his own mind. He did his best to explain as much to her once reality came crashing down on him, not to excuse his actions, but to explain them in the hopes it would show that he had realized his wrongs, and that he wasn’t about to make those mistakes again. To him back then, she was perfect, someone that his father would no doubt approve of, and maybe he would finally think something of his son if Kaz had gotten with someone like Sonia. 

But now? His dad was dead, killed by Kaz’s own hand in the throes of despair. There was no one left to fear impress, it was just him now. Many of them were the last of their family after what had happened, Kazuichi could still remember Gundham’s screams after he awoke from the program and the memories slowly trickled back. He had killed his mother in a mercy, to keep her from seeing what the world had become. They struck an accord that night, Kazuichi having been the one to find him curled up in the corner of his cabin. Their relationship was still rocky, but after a heartfelt talk where they both confessed they never actually hated each other, a friendship had begun, slowly but surely. 

An idea struck him then, as he turned the coconut about in his hands, seeking a soft spot to pry it open, a grin growing across his face as he turned to Sonia with renewed excitement. “Hey, I got an idea! Dorklord hasn’t left his room in forever, right? Maybe...maybe we can drag him out, and he can help us find some fruits in the forest, and we can make a whole feast of this! He knows where a lot of stuff is ‘cause of his animals, we found a shit ton of melons out there once!” That was back when gundham had left his room on his own for the first time, Kazuichi refusing to leave his side with the state he had been in since waking. It felt like so long ago now...

“Unless you think we shouldn’t bug ‘im. You know how he’s been since...” Everything.

[mamawasatesttube]

Do you have thoughts on how kon would be as a big brother to Chris and Jon? I've read Chris and Jon's comics and I'm writing a thing with them but I want to have their big brother be part of their character/internal problem solving even if he doesn't (as of yet) appear. But I've only read yj and superboy is unfinished/on my tbr so I'm going to the Expert

(If you have any thoughts opinions on Kara's familial relationships you can include those as well)

OOH OOH YES DO I EVER!!!!!

every time i think about kon as a big brother i immediately think of sb94 annual #2, which opens on kon taking a kid flying for his birthday and joking about him being superboy jr., kind of like his little brother. then we move to cadmus, where it turns out the prototypical experiment #1 (whereas kon was #13) has awoken and escaped his containment pod. he fights kon briefly, believing himself to be/wanting to be the "real" superboy, but is injured and collapses in kon's arms afterwards. it turns out he's not stable outside the pod and is dying; despite kon's best efforts to get the cadmus doctors to save him, he only lasts another few minutes. i'm personally never ever getting over kon's face when it happens (right after they both find out their dna donor was paul westfield):

SO!! with that being established backstory: i think kon would be soooo excited to be a big brother. he'd talk a big game and want the kids to think he's cool, and of course, he's a mega dork (he'd try to get them both into wendy, and if they didn't like it, he'd be offended). but imo, he's also gonna be so protective of them right off the bat, in large part because of poor clone #1. he's got a lot of feelings about people he's gotta protect, and little siblings are sooo high on that list.

one thing is that i don't think kon really thinks of clark as his dad. of course, it depends on the point in the timeline where you're really introducing chris and jon (because like kon was dead by the point of last son introducing chris, and fitting jon into new earth is always a fun puzzle), but (to be clear this is to an extent my hc also) by the time he's living with the kents, kon no longer wants superman to be his dad. i do think he does at first ("i wish i had parents" in sb94 #85 paired with how reactive he is about shooting down superman being his dad in sb94 #94), but when he moves in with the kents that dies down pretty fast. but he'd way rather the kids call him their big brother than, like, their uncle. that's so uncool (haha see, 'cuz uncle sounds kind of like uncool--aw, whatever)!!! it makes him sound so OLD!!!! he's not an uncle!!!

so overall i think it's like. he's a fun-loving and protective figure. they probably think he's So cool for a while, then get a little older and go oh wait. that's a dorklord. i do think jon throws one hell of a tantrum the day he finds out he's never gonna get ttk even if he grows into all the other kryptonian powers, though.

(i also hc that chris can get some weird funky powers other than ttk, not ttk itself, bc its like... kon is THE ttk guy, and thats a metagene designed to emulate kryptonian powers, so it feels a little weird to take something that specific and give it to another character who doesn't have any of the narrative reasons to need it. someone who knows more abt editorial please do correct me if i'm wrong, but i'm pretty sure they only gave chris ttk because prior to infinite crisis, the nightwing in new krypton shown to be using ttk was supposed to be kon, and was changed last-minute into chris.)

so like, he'd be a figure they can count on, someone they regard as always in their corner if they yell for him. he'll take the heat if they get in trouble (he spoils them. lois however has a very uncanny ability to tell if kon's taking the blame for something they did). i think as they grow older they might be like ...why's kon our brother but he doesn't live with us? and doesn't call our parents mom and dad? because kon stays with the kents but just hangs out with them all the time, and he calls clark and lois "clark and lois", and understanding that their family isn't nuclear might be a learning curve for them.

as for kara, i'll try and keep it brief bc this is already long i'm so sorry sdkhj but i generally operate in the realm of postcrisis kara, aka linda lang. she's roughly the same age as kon and she's got a Lot of feelings re: new krypton and her own guilt and her duty to her family, as well as whether she as supergirl can really measure up to superman. i love her. i think she would Adore having baby cousins because they mean her family is growing, after all the people she's lost. that said i think it's very possible she's a little awkward with kids because she just doesn't have that much experience with them. but i think she'd teach them to draw, and she'd really earnestly try with both of them. she'd LOVE to teach them about krypton, too.

[vacueabissi]

joining the trend, following up from @spinef0ryou

my tastes never updated much from when I was 15 I guess

I tag @theforgottendaydreamer @the-not-so-dark-age @dysphorie @kind-as-sunshine and @dorklord-maouvioletta (also whoever sees this and wants to do it)

[villalunae]

Ok but which one is the catgirl landmine? Because a hello kitty landmine sounds hilarious...

figure it out yourself dorklord

[navigatorwrongway]

I was tagged by the wonderful and absurdly talented @kesla <3

“Put your playlist on shuffle and post the first ten songs, then tag ten people. No skipping!”

1. The Oak & The Ivy - Bella Hardy

2. Never Love An Anchor - The Crane Wives

3. Rabbit Heart (Raise It Up) - Florence & the Machine

4. Rule #29 (Throne Room) - Fish in a Birdcage

5. Gloria - The Trials of Cato

6. Shiver - San Fermin

7. Jackrabbit - San Fermin

8. Cypress Queen - The Last Bison

9. Bones of Ribbon - London Grammar

10. Never Look Away - Vienna Tang

I’m going to tag @franklloydweft @skywalkerswift @dorklord-maouvioletta @justconstantly @materassassino @eldritch-gay-frog @multifandomhoodies @lesbxdyke @mblogs

[samgemrus]

It's his love of cheesy memes and songs. I 100% drive the other players crazy when I play a bard.

In relation my dnd post I don't think John is a sorcerer like other necromancers because in my heart of hearts he is a warlock. His power was bestowed upon him by a higher entity in exchange for something (saving the earth)

I 100% believe that pre apocalypse he played 5th edition and he was 100% a bard. I don't know what it is but he just screams bard to me.